Monday, October 1, 2018, 06:44 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 1
Today in 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers
aimed at turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists.
26 years ago Russia gave up on Communism.
Will somebody please tell Broom Hilda and Bernie?
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare
off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now.
Recovering from the fright.
______________________________________________________
Today, October 1 in
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to
ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from
children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the
Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering
software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated
the use of the filters.
San Francisco decided to provide sanctuary to child porno.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Never let your sense of morals get in the way
of doing what's right.
--- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never
stoop to admitting it.
--- Doug Larson
______________________________________________________
The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse
after being sworn in as American citizens.
"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American
citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear
wife?"
"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied.
"Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top...!"
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming
voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful
to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish".
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over
anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would
take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire
for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another
wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,
I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives
said
that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could
understand
women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are
thinking
when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they
mean
when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes God said, "Divorcing them works for most, but
unfortunately not all. Do you want two lanes or four on that
silly bridge?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate
their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new
Mink Coat?" he asks.
"Not really," says Mary.
"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.
"No," she responds.
"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he
suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."
"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks.
"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.
"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John.
______________________________________________________
Usual practise in Britain is to bounce a vehicle out of the way,
paint the new lines, then bounce the vehicle back on top of the
new lines, and issue a parking ticket.
This vehicle must have been too heavy for the yobs.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Axel Rivera, 28,
Titusville,
Florida
Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare
off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now.
Recovering from the fright.
Facebook
A grandmother in Titusville, Florida, opened her blinds early
Friday morning, expecting to see her cat on the back porch, only
to see a nude man standing there, according to police.
Axel Rivera, 28, was wearing a two-piece jail outfit and a pair
of flip-flops when he faced a judge Friday afternoon on charges
of burglary and exposing sexual organs.
That’s three more items of clothing than Titusville police said
Rivera was wearing when he was discovered on Pennelope
Pettersen’s screened porch around 2 a.m.
“I always look first. I opened the blinds and said, ‘What the
hell? That’s not my cat,’” said Pettersen.
Pettersen, who once worked in security and law enforcement,
decided she’d give the intruder a fright.
She popped out her teeth.
“Grandma no teeth!” she shouted.
Rivera’s is held at the Brevard County jail on $20,000 bail.
From Gerry
Re: Phoney PayPal mails
Dear Webby,
I know you mentioned phoney PayPal letters a few times,
but I never paid attention because then I didn't have a
paypal account. Now I do and today I got an email that
looks like it is from Paypal and that asks me to verify details
about my account. But it was sent to my other address,
not the one I use for PayPal.
What's the proper procedure?
Gerry
Dear Gerry
PayPal NEVER asks you to submit any information via email.
NEVER click on any links in mails pretending to be from PayPal.
If you have MailWasher, then you can see in the preview
details that underneath what looks like a link to PayPal, the
link actually goes to some number domain.
With some email programs you can see those numbers in
the status line when you hover the mouse over the link.
Real PayPal mail never has links except to
https://www.paypal.com
They just tell you to log in normally and go to this or that
department.
If you get phoney PayPal mails, expose the header and
forward the mail to spoof@paypal.com
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach
contemplating how badly treated she got over the
divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp
washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops
a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets
her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie
informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he
cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce,
he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of
whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly
fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for
a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds
herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills.
The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the
recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely
contain her anger when she makes her second wish.
The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the
shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was
granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-
husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and
points out at the beach to a small development of ten
such mansions.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to
contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was
about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie
that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she
can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-
husband will get ten times what she wishes for.
"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in
ecstasy. "For my last wish ... I'd like to give birth
to twins."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
These were actual things that kids have said about our various
phenomena of the world...you gotta love them!
*Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we
know they're there.
*Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make
water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
*Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But
I have never been able to make out the numbers.
*We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put
the top on.
*In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there
are twice as many H's as O's.
*Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And
around. There is not much else to do.
*Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to
be called a drop, it does.
*We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when
we breathe.
*Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
*In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
*A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
*A monsoon is a French gentleman.
*Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
*Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names
sound.
*It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live
in other places.
*The wind is like the air, only pushier.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Meatloaf Muffins
To make meatloaf in convenient serving sizes, make your
favorite meatloaf recipe in muffin tins. The meatloaf will cook
faster and it's the perfect size for freezing. Then just serve a
meatloaf muffin to each person.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
 |
Best of the week, People Are Awesome!
|
___________________________________________________
A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner
on his first day of kindergarten.
"Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself
and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs
to her son on and hugs him.
"So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day
of school?"
The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin."
___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits
for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls
for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the
newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this
new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too."
The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink. The man takes
a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good.
It tastes just like water!"
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says,
"Well, it is water . . . right Lou?
____________________________________________________
Today, October 1 in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots.
1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France. Later
the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively doubling
its size.
1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of electric
lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park.
1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The act
raised tariffs to a record level.
1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post Office.
1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. The
purchase price of the car was $850.
1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I by a
force made up of British and Arab forces.
1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state.
1938 German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control of the
Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days before.
1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States.
1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World War
II.
1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg sentenced
12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were sentenced to prison
terms and 3 were acquitted.
1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's Republic
of China when the communist forces had defeated the Nationalists.
The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan.
1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University of
California at Berkeley.
1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with the
United States.
1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over to
Panama.
1980 Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on the
cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to achieve
this in 97 years.
1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) Center
opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt Disney.
1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli jet
fighters.
1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency.
1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany after
they were allowed to leave by the communist government.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of Kuwait.
1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy.
1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti
that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power. U.S.
economic and military aid was suspended.
1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent.
1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the U.S.
Senate.
1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a series
of trade agreements.
1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a lockout
of the players that lasted 103 days.
1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S. through
bombings, kidnappings and assassinations.
1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company.
1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for the
capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of killing an
undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994.
1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples Republic
of China was celebrated in Beijing.
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to
ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from
children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the
Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering
software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated
the use of the filters.
2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction of
the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed.
2018 smiled.
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Can you run Spybot anhd Malwarebytes simultaneously?
Sunday, September 30, 2018, 01:38 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 30
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old
daughter home alone while she went partying
______________________________________________________
Today, September 30 in
1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at
turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of
finding a sickness you like.
--- Jackie Mason (1934 - )
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always
come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A new survey found that the country with the highest number
of contented citizens in the world is Mexico. Apparently,
this is because everybody who was unhappy in Mexico has moved
to Los Angeles.
--- Conan O'Brien
______________________________________________________
>From Boris
My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched
to break up a domestic dispute.
We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.
On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their
turn-of-the-century home
and reached for what I thought was the front door.
Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I
heard my partner say:
"If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet."
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned
about getting the correct name on the birth certificate.
"Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?"
"Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?"
"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told
you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his
birth certificate 'Thomas.'
This boy I want to name Jack."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first
time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated.
"Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?"
The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button,
and operate the release handle.
"And where does the money come out?" I asked.
He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying,
"Usually at the ATM."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Alexandra Rose Ciliento, 29,
Scottsdale,
Arizona
AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old
daughter home alone while she went partying
A 29-year-old woman is accused of leaving her 4-year-old daughter
home alone to go partying in Scottsdale, police said in court
records.
The little girl knocked on a neighbor's door at about 6:30 a.m.
Sunday and told them her mother, Alexandra Rose Ciliento, wasn't
home, according to police. Authorities said it turned out that
mom had been gone overnight.
The neighbor told police they waited with the girl for about 45
minutes with no sign of her mother before calling 911.
Officers were able to reach Ciliento at 8:20 a.m. after obtaining
her number from the child's father. When she returned home, she
told Scottsdale police she left her apartment near Bell and Pima
roads at 11 p.m. Saturday for the Scottsdale entertainment
district.
"No plan was set in place to have the child watched by a family
member or guardian. Nor was there any attempt made to secure a
babysitter," police said in court records.
Ciliento was not aware that her child could open a locked door
and leave the residence, court records state.
Ciliento is facing one felony count of child abuse. The
Department of Child Safety was contacted by police after her
arrest, records add.
>From Richi
Re: Spybot and Malwarebytes
Dear Webby,
I might have asked you this before,but how ofter do you run
Spybot?is it okay to run malware bytes together?spybot seems
toscan slower...tyvm for all the answers and help its gr8tly
appreciated
Richi
Hi Richi
I run Spybot about once a month or when I suspect any spyware.
No, I would not run both at the same time. They would slow things
down too much to be able to continue working without a lot of
cussing.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a
new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to
withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.
Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and
yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room!
You'll have to get rid of that coffee."
The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"
"Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe
out all of the data!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?"
But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth
because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a
Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies
with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses'
followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's
horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus
drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they
cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd,
"For I did not speak of my own Accord."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as
evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of
Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler:
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And,
following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a
Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Cover Windows With Plastic
Put plastic over your windows in the cold months, especially
if you have single pane windows.. You would be surprised
how much cold air gets through your seals in an older home.
It is especially true this year with energy costs likely to go
through the roof.
The kits for that are pretty well impossible
to find nowadays, but you can use pallet-wrap. It is just
shrink wrap on 3 or 4 foot wide rolls, used to wrap around
loaded pallets to keep everything together and protected.
You can get that and wide scotch tape at warehousing needs
suppliers.
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Middle Ages That Still Baffle Experts Today
|
___________________________________________________
The Eyeglass Prescription for women
Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.
You'll look better, and he will too.
The Psychological Prognosis:
Love is a form of temporary insanity
curable only by marriage.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she
and her husband were struggling with a big decision on
whether they should become missionaries, my friend offered
to include them on the prayer list.
So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole
congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a
decision about the missionary position."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 30 in
1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV.
1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due to
advancing British forces.
1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would make
it the first American vessel to sail around the world.
1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction
after administering ether to a patient.
1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France.
1882 In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power plant
began operating.
1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease Adolf
Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland
to be repatriated by the Nazis. It had been taken away as part of
the punishment for losing WWI.
1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany,
found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes.
1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 2.3
million tons of food into the western sector despite the Soviet
blockade.
1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at Groton,
CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The submarine had
been launched on January 21, 1954.
1962 James Meredith succeeded in registering at the University of
Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to register.
1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of
India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir.
1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at
midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year
sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von
Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth.
1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that
were aimed at avoiding an accidental war.
1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate the
prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners were
killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on September
13, 1971.
1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. The
law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in the U.S.
1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace the
pound.
1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out by
McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company.
1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, one
day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets.
1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko
from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a shake-
up at the Kremlin.
1989 Tens of thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an
accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union.
1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had
captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing
government forces.
1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic
relations.
1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand
Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras.
Aristide was later returned to power.
1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at
turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists.
1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission.
Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote
areas of the Earth.
1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence
during the persecution and deportation of Jews by the pro-Nazi
Vichy regime.
1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility
after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear chain
reaction.
2014 Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial
vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to customers.
The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their Prime Air
service.
2018 smiled.
|
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Saturday, September 29, 2018, 11:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 29
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Driving with revoked license,
carrying stolen gun and dope
______________________________________________________
Today, September 29 in
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring:
Impatience and Laziness.
--- Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924)
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Craig for this one:
Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate
me" speech once from Juanita. I promised to treat her royally
for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger King
and Dairy Queen for dessert.
She's never mentioned it since.
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play.
One said, "Let's play doctor."
"Good idea." said the other. "You operate,
and I'll sue."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away
noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his
chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.
Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair
and out of sight under the table.
Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that
John had disappeared under the table.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to
the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think
your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly,
"Ah, no. That wasn't my husband.
My husband just walked in the front door."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jason Salkeld, 41,
Lincoln,
Nebraska
Driving with revoked license,
carrying stolen gun and dope
Lincoln Police arrested a 41-year-old man after he was found to
be in possession of methamphetamine and a gun stolen from a
Lincoln business in 2016.
LPD said on Tuesday around 7:30 p.m., Jason Salkeld, 41, was
observed driving a vehicle near 86th and Lexington Avenue.
The officer recognized Salkeld and was aware his license was
revoked.
After making contact, Salkeld was found to be in possession of
2.1 grams of suspected meth, and a stolen handgun was also found
in his backpack.
The gun had been reported stolen from Acher Arms on Dec. 25, 2016
during a burglary.
>From Edith
Re: Free Fax
Dear Webby,
You mentioned a free fax service once, but that was before I
disconnected my fax line and sold my fax machine when I retired.
So at that time I did not pay attention and bookmark that site.
Can you please look it up and mention it again?
I need it to fax my prescription to Costco. I still have my
scanner and scanned the 2 pages from my doctor's prescreiption.
Thanks
Edith
Dear Edith
I don't have to look it up.
https://faxzero.com
I use it often enough so that I remember it.
FaxZERO.com is a fantastic service!
I have used them for many years and never a problem.
The first time you use them it may seem a bit intimidating.
Don't worry! It is actually really easy, and your browser will
remember everything for the next time.
Just put in your name and phone number, so that the pharmacy can
call you back and confirm each line item, in case you don't need
the full amount of some of the stuff.
And also your email address.
Then you enter the recipient name and fax number
Next you browse to the two pages you scanned and highlight them
and click OK.
It doesn't bother to show their names, but don't worry. It has
got them.
Then you hit send.
It may seem that nothing is happening. It just silently hauls
your scanned pages up to them.
Now check your email.
It has a line to click on to confirm that it is indeed you who
wants to send a fax.
Then they actually send the fax. Well, they try. If the
recipient's machine is busy or out of paper, they keep trying
until it goes through.
That may take some time. However, don't worry. They will keep
tryiing until it does go through. When it does, you get an email
telling you that your fax has been received by the pharmacy, or
wherever you faxed to.
Three pages per fax are free. For $1.99 you can get their "Almost
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This is not an ad or commission deal, just a recommendation
from a frequent user.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
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There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the
workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can
get material up and down to the upper floors.
A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors
(gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to
another floor.
One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to
the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor
by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door
open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to
no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down.
Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton
of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens:
"Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you
marry again?"
"I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but
I think eventually I would remarry."
"But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?"
"Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home.
There is no reason to abandon it."
"But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?"
"Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away."
"Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?"
"Of course not! He's lefthanded!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Don't Mow Wet Grass
Try to avoid mowing your lawn when it's wet. The clippings will
stick to the blade and interior of the mower and will clog it. If
you do mow grass when it's a little wet, spray the blade with
some spray cooking oil (like Pam) to help prevent sticking.
Here the grass has frost on it. I won't mow that today!
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
It's a hairy situation! Take a look at the beard and mustache winners of the 2017 contest.
|
___________________________________________________
From The Office Party Planning Committee...
16 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work...
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want
to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you
don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to
work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are
wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax
at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch
break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen
as gross."
-----------
I don't drink, but find that funny anyway.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we
visited an old church. The guide told us that George
Washington had attended services there and pointed to his
pew.
A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went
on to tell us that church services back then had been very
lengthy -- frequently lasting three hours or more.
The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice
whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 29 in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department
with several hundred men.
1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized police
force was met with jeers from political opponents. The force
became known as Scotland Yard.
1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marshal Pietro
Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British ship Nelson.
1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" debuted on CBS Radio.
1951 The first network football game was televised by CBS-TV in
color. The game was between the University of California and the
University of Pennsylvania.
1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi
National guard in response to city officials defying federal
court orders. The orders had been to enroll James Meredith at the
University of Mississippi.
1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary systems
around the world.
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV.
1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules of
Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide. 264,000
bottles were recalled.
1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the U.S.
Congress when they authorized President Reagan to keep U.S.
Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months.
1983 "A Chorus Line" with performance number 3,389 became the
longest running show on Broadway.
1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted the
Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased weapons. The
weapons were intended for the Irish Republican Army.
1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most beautiful
woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at the time in the Betty
Ford Clinic overcoming a weight problem.
1988 The space shuttle Discovery took off from Cape Canaveral in
Florida. It was the first manned space flight since the
Challenger disaster.
1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the best-
selling non-fiction book in the U.S.
1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach
President Fernando Collor de Mello.
1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned land that
had been taken by force.
1994 The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyist buying
meals and entertainment for members of Congress.
1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure of
retired U.S. General Colin Powell.
2008 The Dow Industrial Average lost 777 points. It was the
largest one-day decline to date. The drop came after the U.S.
House of Representatives had voted down a $700 billion bank
bailout plan.
2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational.
2018 smiled.
|
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Restore Thunderbird as the default mailer in FireFox
Friday, September 28, 2018, 09:47 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida man threw another man off bridge,
arrested after spotted by passing officer
______________________________________________________
Today, September 28 in
1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State
Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Hell, there are no rules here--
we're trying to accomplish something.
--- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
______________________________________________________
The story is told of a Russian named Ivanovich who visited the
Moscow zoo for the first time. To his amazement, he found a
little lamb sharing the cage with a big fierce bear.
Ivanovich expressed surprise to his guide. The guide smiled
and said, "That is peaceful coexistence."
When Ivanovich shook his head in a doubtful way, the guide
explained, "Of course, we have to put in a fresh lamb every
morning."
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide
while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't
there cannibals around here?"
The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure
there are no cannibals in Africa."
The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some
cannibals around here."
The guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here.
I'm sure.
We ate the last one yesterday."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A woman was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided
to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when
her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped
out from behind the sofa and screamed.
"You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly.
"I married your sister."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Derrick Goodin, 21
Daytona Beach,
Floriduh
Florida man threw another man off bridge,
arrested after spotted by passing officer
A man in Florida was arrested Sunday after he threw another man
off a bridge into a river just as an officer was passing by,
according to police.
The Daytona Beach Police Department said that Derrick Goodin, 21,
was involved in an argument with a woman over money as she and a
friend crossed the bridge over the Halifax River on Sunday. After
throwing the woman's bike in the water, the 21-year-old then
threw over her friend, an unidentified man, after he got involved
in the argument.
"A Daytona Beach Police officer was just heading over the bridge
when he spotted Goodin tossing the victim into the water," police
said.
In bodycam video released by police, Goodwin can be seen standing
with the man before police say he tossed him over. The officer
then gets out of the car and tells the 21-year-old to surrender.
Goodin is then heard saying "he jumped over the bridge, before
throwing his wallet in the water before he was arrested.
"It's not every day that we're driving and we see a human being
throwing another human being into a body of water," Daytona Beach
Police spokeswoman Lyda Longa told FOX35.
McKenzie Reijonen, who heard the commotion as he was fishing on a
rowboat nearby, told FOX35 he jumped into action as soon as he
realized what was happening.
I mean over there it's pretty shallow but he fell I think into
the channel which is even worse because, you know, he could have
been unconscious and been hit by a passing motorboat," he said.
Reijonen said he rowed his boat over to the bridge and brought
the man, who had a gash on his head but was otherwise fine, to
shore.
I was just worried that he could have been punched unconscious
or drowning or somewhere down there in the water and I did what I
hoped somebody would do for me, he said.
Goodin is now at the Volusia County Jail and has been charged
with aggravated battery and breach of peace, according to police.
>From Lee
Re: Restore Thunderbird as default mailer
Dear Webby,
Recently I've had to change laptops (due to a Florence related
thunderstorm).
I use Firefox and Thunderbird. Formerly when I clicked on the
email link on Firefox it went to a Thunderbird blank email to
send.
Now it goes to a Microsoft product which I don't want to use.
Help.
Thanks,
Lee
Dear Lee
Yes, that would upset me too!
Check Mozilla Firefox browser settings:
click on 'Open Menu'
select 'Options'
Select 'Applications'
Set the 'MAILTO' protocol to use 'Thunderbird'
Double check your computer protocol 'MAILTO' setting is also
'Thunderbird'.
Control Panel > Default Programs >Associate a file type or
protocol with a program
Protocols:
MAILTO needs to be set as Thunderbird.
Please check registry key:
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Clients\Mail
'Start' > 'Run' > type: regedit
Locate this registry entry:
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Clients\Mail
on right side double click on 'Default'
Enter 'Mozilla Thunderbird' in 'Value Data'
click on 'OK'
Messing with the registry is a very last resort, if nothing else
works.
I doubt you have to go that far. If you have to, first back up
the registry before you mess with it.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Myrna
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the
seat.
Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had
found my bag.
When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers
surrounded me.
One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box
containing the contents of my purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he
explained. "I think you'll find everything there."
As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the
man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we
all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse.
And we'd like to see just how you do it."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman I'd
recently met. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our
arms around each other to ward off the chilly air, swaying to the
music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face
me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..."
Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you
mean our houses or our philosophies?"
Puzzled, she replied, "...to the stage."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning With Baking Soda
Make a paste of baking soda with water for a mild abrasive.
You can use it instead of Comet or other abrasive cleaners
for cleaning bathroom fixtures. It works well for cleaning
spots off chrome and stainless steel. It can also be added
to your laundry as a booster (1/2 cup should work).
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
It's a hairy situation! Take a look at the beard and mustache winners of the 2017 contest.
|
___________________________________________________
About the only thing a man can look down on and
still heartily approve of, is a low-cut dress.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Charlie was a regular visitor at the race track. One afternoon he
noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic
priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a
blessing.
Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and sure enough
the blessed horse came in first!
Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again the
priest went to the stables and performed a similar procedure.
Charlie played a hunch and put a couple of dollars on the blessed
horse. Sure enough, the blessed horse came in by two lengths and
Charlie won close to fifty bucks!
The priest continued the same procedure through the next few
races and the horse won each time. So between races Charlie left
the track and went to the bank to withdraw his life's savings,
$20,000. The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie
followed the priest and watched carefully which horse he blessed.
He then went to the betting window and put his whole bundle of
cash on that horse, to win. Then Charlie went out to watch the
horses race. Down the stretch they came and as they crossed the
finish line, the horse Charlie's fortune was bet on was far
behind ... dead last!
Charlie was crushed. He located the priest and told him that he
had been watching him bless the horses which all became winners
throughout the day. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the
last horse which you blessed? Because of your failure on that
last horse, I have lost my entire life's savings."
"That's the trouble with you Protestants," sighed the priest,
"you never could tell the difference between a blessing and the
Last Rites."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 28 in
1066 England was invaded by William the Conqueror who claimed the
English throne.
1542 San Diego, CA, was discovered by Portuguese navigator Juan
Rodriguez Cabrillo.
1687 The Turks surrendered Athens to the Venetians.
1781 During the Revolutionary War, American forces began the
siege on Yorktown, VA.
1850 The U.S. Navy abolished flogging as a form of punishment.
1850 U.S. President Millard Fillmore named Brigham Young the
first governor of the Utah territory. In 1857, U.S. President
James Buchanan removed Young from the position.
1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State
Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary.
1915 The British defeated the Turks in Mesopotamia at Kut-el-
Amara.
1924 The first around-the-world flight was completed by two U.S.
Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip took 175
days.
1939 During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed
upon a plan on the division of Poland.
1950 The United Nations admitted Indonesia.
1967 The first mayor of Washington, DC, Walter Washington, took
office.
1972 Communist China and Japan agreed to re-establish diplomatic
relations.
1978 Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian
peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen.
1978 Don Sherman, editor of Car & Driver, set a new Class E
record in Utah. Driving the Mazda RX7 he reached a speed of
183.904 mph.
1991 In response to U.S. President Bush's reduction of U.S.
nuclear arms Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised to
reciprocate.
1995 Yasser Arafat of the PLO and Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak
Rabin signed an accord that transferred control of the West Bank.
2000 The U.S. Federal Drug Administration approved the use of RU-
486 in the United States. The pill is used to induce an abortion.
2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones arrived at the U.S.-Mexico border
to complete the first known continuous hike of the 1,800-mile
trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They started the trek on June
8.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 billion applications
downloaded.
2018 smiled.
|
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( 6 views )
| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 705 )
Thursday, September 27, 2018, 07:36 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 27
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Indiana school bus driver caught on video
allowing kids as young as 11 to drive
her school bus
______________________________________________________
Today, September 27 in
1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that
hauled a passenger train.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing
boxer shorts and I know how to use them."
--- Robert Orben
______________________________________________________
Airman Johnson was assigned to the induction center, where he
advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially
their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Johnson
had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never
happened before.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the
room and listened to Johnson's sales pitch. Johnson explained
the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then
said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the
government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you
don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed,
the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going
to send into battle first?"
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>Thanks to Nina from Oz for this story:
Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time
and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage
collector he decided to take it up.
On his first day things were going great until he arrived at
one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front.
Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get
fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I
will get fired."
So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise
it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a
sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya
bin?"
The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays."
Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?"
"I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply.
Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot.
Where's ya Wheelie Bin?"
The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening.
"Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I
bin on 'olidays, eh!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Great Sales Technique
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers,
yelling,
"Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people
swindled!"
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front
page. What he saw was yesterday's paper.
The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about
the big swindle?"
The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out,
"Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"
______________________________________________________
Pragser Wildsee, IT
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Joandrea McAtee, 27,
Portage,
Indiana.
Indiana school bus driver caught on video
allowing kids as young as 11 to drive
her school bus
A northwest Indiana school bus driver has been arrested after she
allegedly let three students, ages 11, 13 and 17, drive her
vehicle, according to police. The incident was caught on video
and posted on Twitter.
According to a police statement, Joandrea McAtee, 27, let the
children drive her bus Thursday as she dropped students off after
school in Valparaiso, a small city about 50 miles southeast of
Chicago.
McAtee, of nearby Portage, was arrested Friday after the Porter
Township Schools Administration and the Porter County Sheriff's
Office investigated a parent's complaint, the Northwest Indiana
Times reported.
Chief Deputy Jeff Biggs said in a news release that three
students took turns driving a short distance in a rural area of
Valparaiso.
McAtee was arrested when she went to the Porter Township Bus Barn
to pick up her paycheck, according to the news release. She is
facing charges of neglect of a dependent, a felony, and was fired
by Porter Township and the bus service provider.
"The Porter Township School Corporation is angered and
disappointed in the actions of this driver," Stacey Schmidt, the
Porter Township School Corporation superintendent, said in an
email to the paper. "The safety of our students is a top
priority."
"This individual’s actions are not reflective of the hard work,
dedication, and professionalism of our staff," Schmidt added. "We
are thankful for the students and parents who came forward
quickly with this information to both PTSC administration and law
enforcement allowing us to respond expediently and take the
proper steps to insure student safety."
>From Dennis
Re: Temp Files
Dear Webby,
As a long time reader of your humor letter, I’ve enjoyed
everything from the daily quotations to your apt replies to
computer questions, which is why I’m asking you instead
of Microsoft. Not to mention that your solution will probably
help other readers.
While “Spring Cleaning” my overcrowded hard disk, I found
that a mysteriously large 15% of its data is in a folder
ominously called: “Documents and Settings” with 7.48 GB.
Of that the lion’s share is in:
“C:\Documents and Settings\Dennis\Local Settings\Temp”
(an invisible file, seemingly a warning not to meddle)
containing a whopping 6.46 GB in 19,500 files, 146 folders.
Surely this is an unreasonable amount of disk space for
setting, yet a non-expert hesitates to monkey with something
that might upset valued programs, so how to slim down this
bloated mess?
Thanks for any advice & the daily grins,
Dennis
Dear Dennis
Just open the (files) Explorer (not MSIE),
highlight C:\
Right-click it
Click on the Disk Cleanup button
Let it do it's thing. It will take a few minutes.
After that, most of that temp stuff will be gone, and your
machine will run a bit faster.
I usually do that as the last item of a tune-up.
The first item is running Spybot-Search&Destroy.
Normally I do a tune-up like that every Saturday night,
and once a month I reboot, whether it needs it or not.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The
Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen...And This Kitchen Is
Delirious
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.
Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On
To Lead Normal Lives
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean Eat Out
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
My next house will have no kitchen just vending machines.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
>From Bobbie
My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and
the director showed us into a room in which containers for
ashes were on display.
After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had
decided.
She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go
into the ground."
After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really
prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Hiring Movers
If you are hiring movers, be sure to ask them what their
insurance covers before packing anything yourself. Quite
often, they will only cover boxes that they have packed.
Unless you want to use the move as an opportunity to sort
what to keep and what to toss, let the movers do the packing.
They don't get emotional over items you thought you had lost,
and they know how to pack stuff quickly and efficiently and
safely.
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| 10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Middle Ages That Still Baffle Experts Today
|
___________________________________________________
Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention
hotel in Williamsburg, Va., prided ourselves on making the
guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception,
credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address
him by name.
Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests
presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg,
Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said.
"Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
They were burying Irish Pat today and the Irish Priest was
explaining to the congregation that before they could put
Pat to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice
about Pat, even though Pat was a womanizer, a drunk and
a fighter. No one got up.
So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain
me-self properly.
Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of you MUST get
up and say something nice about the man.
It's our duty as Irishmen and Catholics."
So as the priest sat down again, Little Murphy in the back
pew got up, cleared his throat, and with his porkpie hat in
his hand said, "His brother was even worse!".
____________________________________________________
Today, September 27 in
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British over
the American Revolutionary War peace terms.
1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that hauled
a passenger train.
1894 The Aqueduct Race Track opened in New York City, NY.
1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the Nationalist
Chinese Government.
1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as aggressors in
China.
1939 After 19 days of resistance, Warsaw, Poland, surrendered to
the Germans after being invaded by the Nazis and the Soviet Union
during World War II.
1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military and
economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy and Japan.
1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel.
1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was barred
by France.
1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and Chatilla
refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by the members of a
multinational force due to hundreds of Palestinians being
massacred by Christian militiamen.
1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buy out Sony
Corporation for $3.4 billion.
1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls in a
barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were the first to
ever survive the Horshoe Falls.
1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror" that
Iraq had inflicted upon his country.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all land-based
tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range nuclear arms
from ships and submarines around the world. Bush then called on
the Soviet Union to do the same.
1994 More than 350 Republican congressional candidates signed the
Contract with America. It was a 10-point platform they pledged
to enact if voters sent a GOP majority to the House.
2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon announced
that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000 spent nuclear
fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said that the weapons
were to serve as a deterrent against increasing U.S. nuclear
threats and to prevent nuclear war in northeast Asia. The U.S.
State Department noted that the U.S. has repeatedly said that the
U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea.
2015 The space probe Dawn was launched by NASA. Dawn entered
orbit around protoplanet Vesta on July 16, 2011 and entered orbit
around Ceres on March 6, 2015.
2018 smiled.
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Wednesday, September 26, 2018, 07:13 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 26
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Alabama mother charged after 5 of
her kids test positive for cocaine
______________________________________________________
Today, September 26 in
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
--- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
"Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms
without falling into her hands."
--- Ambrose Bierce
______________________________________________________
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted
by people describing their ailments and asking
the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour
of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you
for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then
I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it
a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty,
the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to
place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from
the lawyer.
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item, if he needs it.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
because it's on sale.
A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find that man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and don't
expect to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man can forget his past mistakes,
there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same
things.
A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she
does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a
policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her
the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and
everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?"
"No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Cordelia Adair, 31,
Montgomery,
Alabama
Alabama mother charged after 5 of
her kids test positive for cocaine
Cordelia Adair, 31, allegedly exposed five of her children – her
4-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter, 9-year-old daughter, 12-
year-old son and 13-year-old son – to the substance during June
and September of 2018, according to an arrest affidavit obtained
by the Montgomery Advertiser.
Adair was charged with five felony counts of chemical
endangerment of a child.
“MPD (Montgomery Police Dept.) was contacted by DHR (Department
of Human Resources) on Sept. 6 in reference to possible drug
activity in the home,” Capt. Regina Duckett, with the Montgomery
Police Dept., told the paper. “Following a joint investigation
with DHR, warrants were secured against Adair. She was taken into
custody by the U.S. Marshals Fugitive Task Force on Sept. 21 and
charged.”
Alabama child welfare officials declined to comment on the case,
citing privacy laws. Police did not immediately respond to
requests for comment about the condition of the children.
A judge reduced Adair’s bond Monday from $15,000 to $7,500 per
count.
From: Sharon
Re: Wireless broadband Internet
Dear Webby,
I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many
people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics.
I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet
service she could check into that did not require a land
phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not
have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who
would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help.
Also I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return"
key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the
retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar.
Just curious. Thanks again.
Sharon
Dear Sharon
Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly
better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it.
They consider it an emergency measure until they can get
back to DSL or cable.
Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas.
Some towns have it, but most don't. Most rural areas in Canada
have it, but in the US, most don't have it yet.
Unless your friend is on the run, I would recommend that she get
herself a land line. With a land line she can get DSL and 30
Mbps. Tell her to visit her ISP and discuss her options face to
face.
The bottom line, though, is the ISP. I get 30 Mbps to the ISP in
Calgary.
They are the bottleneck.
Then I wait and wait and wait
to get through them to whatever site I want to visit. If there
are lots of ads there, then it is even worse.
The speed between me and the ISP seems to be irrelevant. They are
installing fibre now throughout the village. It will increase
the speed from here to the ISP to 50 Mbps, still a long way from
South Korea's average of 200 Mbps, but theoretically a lot faster
than dial-up. The bottle neck at the ISP remains the same.
Return Key: With manual and electric typewriters, that's the
Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer
keyboard.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire
alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could
help.
The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where
he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his
shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands
on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat
woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones.
"Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of
tires . . . maybe I can help here."
"You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My
wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with
her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on
the dirty work and get the job done."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday
and she declared: "A baby brother."
"Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her
mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday."
"Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when
they want something in a hurry -- put more men on the job?"
said the little girl.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Fireplace Match Replacement
If you run out of fireplace matches use a long piece of
spaghetti.
Just light the spaghetti and use it as a match. Also works for
lighting candles that have wicks that are tough to reach
(like birthday candles).
Spaghetti also works great for lighting
gas furnaces if a storm or gas interruption extinguishes the
pilot lights. I have used spaghetti for many decades for that.
You can get the flame right to the precise spot without
singing your fingers.
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Tibetan Buddhist Sand Mandalas
|
___________________________________________________
A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where
his teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"
The doctor explained, "This is an anaesthetic;
after he gets this he won't know a thing."
"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man,
"he don't know nothing now."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
When I first started college, the Dean came in and said
"Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him,
he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen."
He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and
they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put
their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores.
When they look up so they can see the instructor over the
tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their
feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors. When
you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down,
it's graduate students."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 26 in
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War.
1892 "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general public.
1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared.
1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established.
1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the
Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the western
front.
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.
1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline since
1929 when the word was released concerning U.S. President
Eisenhower's heart attack.
1960 The first televised debate between presidential candidates
Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL.
1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV.
1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired for
the last time on September 4, 1967.
1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end
the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous
April.
1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA.
1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the
first killer whale to survive being born in captivity.
1986 The episode of "Dallas" that had Bobby Ewing returning from
the dead was aired.
1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced that it
had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to keep
moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain films.
1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the
"Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology
for future space colonies.
1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged
from their sealed off environment.
1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for 188
days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in space and in
the world for time spent by a woman in space.
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would be
considered to have been born alive if he or she is completely
extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes and has a
beating heart and definite movement of the voluntary muscles.
2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had won
Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. The
declared runoff prompted mass protests.
2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian protest
since the terror attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, on
September 11.
2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-fire
and end a year of fighting in the region.
2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or older
with a valid email address.
2018 smiled.
|
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Tuesday, September 25, 2018, 08:05 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 25
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
PA crook tried to outrun cops
with a bicycle
______________________________________________________
Today, September 25 in
1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer Vasco
Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. He named
the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just the first
European to see the Pacific Ocean.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in
having lots to do and not doing it.
--- Mary Wilson Little
Blame someone else and get on with your life.
--- Alan Woods
Kavanaugh says that was not him. He was apparently not
invited to that party.
______________________________________________________
At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call
Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention,"
he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at
the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't
realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
"My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living
will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become
attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So
yesterday, I'm on the excercise bike..." -Jonathan Katz
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her
dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin
fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she
begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying,
"Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds,
"Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one
question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
______________________________________________________
Not a recent picture. It stopped snowing but it is still very
cloudy here.
It used to be called "Harvest Moon" because this week was the
time for burning the potato and other veggie's uppers and tree
leaves after harvesting, in the years before the insane dogooders
got that practise banned. I still miss the fragrant smell of the
burning potato uppers and tree leaves.
It used to be funny when some people raked their leaves piles out
onto the road and set them on fire. It was not a protest of any
kind, just fires well away from houses.
Many also tossed tree stumps and knotty firewood, that was too
hard to split, onto the leaves. They, of course, burned much
slower and gave the kids a chance to roast marshmellows.
Because of the fresh local smoke the harvest moon always used to
be orangey or red.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Devon Ruoss, 41,
Carlisle,
Pennsylvania
PA crook tried to outrun cops
with a bicycle
Cumberland County President Judge Edward E. Guido couldn't
suppress a chuckle as Devon Ruoss stood before him to enter a
guilty plea Tuesday morning.
After all, the man had tried to outrun a bevy of Carlisle cops on
a bicycle. And one of the officers was in a cruiser with lights
flashing and siren blaring.
As Senior District Attorney Daniel Sodus explained it, Ruoss, 41,
began his ill-fated two-wheeled flight around 3 p.m. on July 26
after a borough officer recognized him as a wanted man. Two days
earlier, Ruoss had been accused of punching a woman.
So, the officer ordered Ruoss to stop when he spied him in the
100 block of South Hanover Street. Instead, Ruoss pedaled away
with the cruiser in pursuit, Sodus said. "Several officers on
foot tried to stop Mr. Ruoss as well," the prosecutor added.
Eventually, Ruoss ran into a cop car and fell down.
"So that was done on a bicycle?" Guido asked as Ruoss stood there
in handcuffs.
"A bicycle," Sodus confirmed.
"So, it wasn't a high-speed chase?" the judge continued.
"It depends on how fast he can ride a bicycle," the DA replied.
Ruoss pleaded guilty to fleeing police for the bike chase and to
simple assault for the punching incident. His only deal is for a
county prison term that has yet to be determined by Judge Guido.
From: Martin
Re: Forward marks
Dear Webby,
Sorry about all the forward marks that will likely appear.
It's the biggest problem I have with Thunderbird.
Anything I try to drag into a new email (or drag it up in
the original) leaves only a blank outline with a red dot in the
upper left corner. That's what I miss about my old NS 4.8
more than anything. ;-(
Martin
Dear Martin
Go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
and look for this icon:
With the Strip program you can strip all the AOL flags off
any text.
Highlight the text that you want to forward,
CTRL C
Jump to Strip
CTRL V
Strip
Copy
Close
and you are back in the email program.
CTRL V to paste and you got text as clean as if you had
written it yourself.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Edna
We had built our dream house several years ago, and
furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them.
Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new
bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.
"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the
driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve
years for this!"
"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this
morning."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Everything about my new townhouse was great, except for one
thing. I couldn't find my mailbox. It wasn't on the curb, nor
was it by my front door. I was stymed. To the rescue came the
development's manager.
"The location of your mailbox should be indicated in the welcome
package," he assured me. "It's the one we mailed to you."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Pay Yourself First
We have direct deposit and our credit union will automatically
transfer a set amount of money each pay period to our
savings account. At first it hurt a little but now we don't
even think about it. It's like another bill we pay except
it's to ourselves! By Cheryl
Many companies also have a payroll
deduction savings plan with better interest, than you get
downtown. Definitely worth checking out!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The 185th Munich Oktoberfest!
|
___________________________________________________
>From Connie:
Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says,
“Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?”
“Dang,” says his friend, “and I just joined The Elks!!”
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Thanks to Barry for this story:
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish
man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray,
twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western
Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when
he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion , she
approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN, What's
your name?
"Maury Fishbein" he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western
Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the
Muslims. I pray for all the Wars and hatred to stop, I pray for
all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults,
and to love their fellow man."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a f@#$%^g wall."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 25 in
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his second
voyage to the Western Hemisphere.
1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer Vasco
Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. He named
the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just the first
European to see the Pacific Ocean.
1690 One of America's earliest newspapers published its first and
last edition. The "Publik Occurences Both Foreign and Domestik"
was published at the London Coffee House in Boston, MA, by
Benjamin Harris.
1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the American
Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on Montreal.
1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the
Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of Rights.
1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by General
Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey, Mexico.
1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S. National
Park in Central California.
1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in
which the practice of polygamy was renounced.
1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech in
Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the Treaty of
Versailles.
1933 Tom Mix was heard on NBC Radio for the first time. His show
ran until June of 1950.
1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation
between Newfoundland and Scotland.
1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students were
escorted to class at Central High School in Little Rock, AR. The
children had been forced to withdraw 2 days earlier because of
unruly white mobs.
1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific Ocean
after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days.
1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated", filed a
suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that Major League
Baseball could not bar female writers from the locker room after
the game.
1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of the
U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd justice.
She had been nominated the previous July by U.S. President Ronald
Reagan.
1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a
potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm after
a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning system. It
was later discovered the alarms had been set off when the
satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted sunlight
reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy missiles.
1986 An 1894 S Barber Head dime was bought for $83,000 at a coin
auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist.
1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape Cod
in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around $400 million.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air embargo
against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote.
1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a worldwide
arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its warring factions.
1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old
Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his biological
parents.
1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost $980
million. The probe has not been heard from since it reached Mars
in August of 1993.
1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the Independence
Party.
1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and
battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours.
2001 Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the NBA as
a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became the president
of basketball operations for the team on January 19, 2000.
2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue of
foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between government
troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to take over the
government on September 19.
2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service.
2018 smiled.
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Sunday, September 23, 2018, 07:18 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 23
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Man attempts to rape 76-year-old woman
in SE Portland, daughter helps to
fight him off
______________________________________________________
Today, September 23 in
1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the
planet Neptune.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I like life. It's something to do.
--- Ronnie Shakes
______________________________________________________
A police officer pulls over a car load of nuns....
Officer: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going
so slow?"
Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
Officer: "Oh Sister, that's not the speed limit. That's the
name of the highway you're on!"
Sister: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more
careful."
At this point the officer looks in the back seat where the
other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Officer: "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends
back there? They're shaking something terrible."
Sister: "Oh, we just got off of highway 119."
After he sent them on their way, the officer radioed in what
had happened and could hardly contain his laughter. Then the
dispatcher told him to go chase those nuns and shoot their
tires out before they get to the 401.
-------------
The 401 is the "Highway Of Heroes", where soldiers killed in
action are brought from the airport to the coroners building in
Toronto.
Whenever there is a convoy of hearses with fallen soldiers,
people pack the overpasses and salute.
We also plant one tree along the Highway Of Heroes for each
fallen soldier.
The 401 is a fast freeway, but 401 km/h (244.5 mph) is a bit
fast for elderly nuns.
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this....true
story.
A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small
new England town where Paul Newman and his family often
visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk.
After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to
a
double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car,
drove to the center of the village and went straight to the
combination bakery/ice cream parlor.
There was only one other patron in the store. Paul
Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact
with those famous baby-blue eyes. With a slow smile, the
actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled
demurely.
Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily
married woman with three grown children, you're fifty years
old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took
the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and
her change in the other. Then she went out the door,
avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful
of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream
cone?
Oh for heavens sake did I leave it in the store?
Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in
the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No
ice cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face
broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the
woman, "You put it in your purse."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading
Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His best friend walks by, sees
the paper, and stops - in shock.
"What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You
should be reading the 'Jewish Journal'!"
The elderly man replies, "The Jewish Journal has stories
about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel - all kinds troubles of
the Jewish people. I like to read about good news."
His friend gasps, "WHAT good news could possibly be in
that paper???"
"Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money,
the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the
Jews control Hollywood -- see? It's all *good* news!"
______________________________________________________
Just want to tell ya, Gullible Warming is out of fashion
for a spell.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Krystal Milne, 33,
Hampton,
Virginia
Man attempts to rape 76-year-old woman
in SE Portland, daughter helps to
fight him off
A daughter helped her mom fight off a man, who broke into their
southeast Portland home and attempted to rape the 76-year-old
woman.
On the night of Sept. 12, Barbara Stross woke up when she felt
something plop down on her bed.
"I thought for a minute there was an animal," the elderly woman
said.
But, she quickly realized there was a man inside her basement
apartment and he was laying right on top of her.
"He put his hand over my mouth, kept saying, ‘shh, shh.’"
She said she began to scream for her daughter, Ingrid, who was
upstairs in the main house.
As she screamed, her attacker put his hands down on her neck,
trying to strangle her. But, the 5-foot-tall, 100-pound woman,
fought back.
"I’m not used to putting up with being beaten up," she said.
More than a week later, she still has the bruises.
"There’s some scratches that are healing," Stross said.
Hearing her mother’s screams, Ingrid Renan Clark, said she ran
down the two flights of stairs to her mother’s detached
apartment.
She said, when she burst in the door, she began to scream
aggressively.
"I remember thinking I need to scream really low. I didn’t
necessarily want him to know I was a woman."
Renan Clark told FOX 12, she charged at the man, pushing him.
The alleged attacker, who police have identified as 30-year-old
Joseph Green Jr., ran away, leaving his pants on the bedroom
floor. The two women said, they immediately locked the door
behind him and called 911.
According to court documents, a short time later, a Portland
Police officer saw two men fighting and one of them was only
wearing boxers.
Police said, it turns out, Green tried to break into another
home, just blocks away, but was confronted by the man who lives
there.
Stross and her daughter were driven to that second home, where
Renan Clark was able to identify him as the man who attempted
to rape her mother.
Renan Clark told FOX 12 she knew her mother’s alleged attacker
by name and had spoken with him on three occasions. According
to her, he is homeless and, based on their previous
interactions, she thought he was kind and gentle.
Investigators said Green, who appeared in court on Friday,
later confessed to breaking into the two women’s home and
trying to have sex with Stross.
Green is now facing at least a dozen felony charges and is due
back in court in November. He is currently being held at the
Multnomah County Jail.
Although the two women were rattled by the attempted rape, they
said they do not want to live in fear.
"I don’t feel unsafe. I mean, we’re both strong women," Renan
Clark said.
They said, they’re going to enroll in free self-defense classes
Portland Police Bureau offers and they encourage others to do
the same.
From Fred
Re: Change wallpaper
Dear Webby:
Could you please tell me how to put new wall paper on Gateway
desktop. It is not a laptop I have a Windows 7 Thank you
Fred
Dear Fred
Right-click a blank part of the desktop and choose Personalize.
The Control Panel’s Personalization pane appears.
Click the Desktop Background option along the window’s bottom
left corner
Click any of the pictures, and Windows 7 quickly places it onto
your desktop’s background.
Found a keeper? Click the Save Changes button to keep it on
your desktop. If not, click the Picture Location menu to see
more choices. Or, if you’re still searching, move to the next
step.
Click the Browse button and click a file from inside your
personal Pictures folder.
Most people store their digital photos in their Pictures folder
or library. To make it easy on yourself, make a new folder,
that is easy to find, for example C:\WALLS
Whenever you see a suitable picture, for example in the Humor
Letter, save it to that folder. Then, when you feel like
changing the desktop wallpaper, you know where to find it.
Click Save Changes and exit the Desktop Background window when
you’re satisfied with your choices.
Exit the program, and your chosen photo stays stuck to your
desktop as the background.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Four older ladies are sitting around playing
bridge.
The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known
you all a long time and there is something I must
get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But,
don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I
never will; we have been friends for too long."
The second lady says, "Well, since we are having
true confessions here, I must get something off
my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't
worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't
interest me and never will; we have been friends
for too long."
"Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess
something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I
will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have
been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship."
The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a
confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable
gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another
lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart.
Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the
reply, "Excuse me."
What she said instead was
"Watch out, here comes another one!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Checkout Surprise
No Jumping on The Mattress
While it's a lot of fun, don't let kids or adults jump on
mattresses. It can permanently damage the supports inside
the mattress and cause it to wear out faster. A small
trampoline is much cheaper than buying a new mattress.
It can also be dangerous.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Yakutsk: The coldest city in the world.
|
___________________________________________________
One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His
nephew asked him what happened.
"You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who
stands around and watches the other men work?"
"What's that got to do with it?" he asked.
"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained.
"Everyone thought I was the foreman."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-
law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke
to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted
on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and
started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp,
they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed
up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion
stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The stupid lion got
himself in trouble, let him get himself out of it."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 23 in
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"
1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British.
1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition,
reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific
Northwest.
1845 The Knickerbocker Base Ball Club of New York was formed by
Alexander Joy Cartwright. It was the first baseball team in
America.
1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet
Neptune.
1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier.
1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on the
west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast by
CBS-TV from New York.
1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. The
Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31 cities.
1952 Richard Nixon gave his "Checkers Speech". At the time he
was a candidate for U.S. vice-president.
1957 Nine black students withdrew from Little Rock Central High
School in Arkansas due to the white mob outside.
1962 "The Jetsons" premiered on ABC-TV. It was the first
program on the network to be carried in color.
1964 The new ceiling painting of the Paris Opera house was
unveiled. The work was done by Russian-born artist Marc
Chagall.
1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned to
power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva Duarte,
was the subject of the musical "Evita."
1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what
became known as Radio Marti.
1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro
Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence
level" of America.
1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil fields
and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force it from
Kuwait.
1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's
secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered a
standoff with authorities in Iraq.
1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord.
1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African government
after a parliamentary vote.
1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano
Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. The
girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall onto a rocky
ledge.
2018 smiled.
|
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Underlined letter for hot keys
Saturday, September 22, 2018, 06:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 22
So far September has been cold and snowy. The "Gullible
Warming" cycle is definitely being replaced by the "Ice Age Is
Coming" cycle. Last time we were in that cycle in the early
70s, they blamed it on our muscle cars. What are they going to
blame it on this time, so that they can put the blame on you?
It won't work on me. I know about the cycles, and I read the
Farmers Almanac. Invest in Snow Blowers! 30 years from now we
will have Gullible Warming again, but until then we are in a
cool cycle.
Oh, right, it's all Trump's fault! That guy is too cool!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Girlfriend caught using glitter & crayons
to mail drugs to boyfriend in Hampton jail
______________________________________________________
Today, September 22 in
1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the
ice cream cone.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
With donkeys, philosophers and politicians it is
sometimes difficult to tell whether they are thinking
really deep thoughts,
or whether they have bottomed out.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
Anni suggested a book for Sam to read to enhance their
relationship. It's entitled, 'Women are From Venus, Men
Are Wrong'
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How
much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth,
then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old
lady standing nearby. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
In a physics lab course, which involved light,
electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the
course was to read the week's experiment before
coming to class.
At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how
many people had actually done so:
"What are the two types of light?" he asked.
The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised
his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Krystal Milne, 33,
Hampton,
Virginia
Girlfriend caught using glitter & crayons
to mail drugs to boyfriend in Hampton jail
A woman is accused of using glitter glue and crayons to get drugs to her boyfriend inside of the Hampton City Jail.
Krystal Milne, a 33-year-old from Hampton was arrested on
August 16. She is accused of attempting to mail suspected
narcotics into the jail located on the 100 block of High Court
Lane.
Court documents reveal that a detective was monitoring a
jailhouse phone call between inmate Robert Davis and his
girlfriend, Milne. Documents state the two were discussing that
narcotics be mailed to Davis while in jail.
Milne is accused of telling him to pay special attention to the
middle cloud in the picture and that she was going to try and
“use glitter glue this time," according to documents.
Hampton Police said Milne is the only one facing charges.
The detective reportedly told the Sheriff’s Office to be on
alert for mail being delivered to the jail.
On August 16 the Sheriff’s Department said they received three
letters sent from Milne to Davis and each one contained
suspected narcotics as described in the phone call.
Documents state the narcotics were concealed by using glitter
glue and crayons.
Milne was arrested for one count of delivery of drugs to a
prisoner and possession of marijuana.
From Crystal
Re: Underlined shortcut letters
Dear Webby:
I have used the underlined letters in menus as short-cut
keys for ages. Now my dear but rather klutzy hubby did a
whole lot of changes and somehow disabled them. He does
not remember which of the dozens of changes he made
could have caused that.
Help!
Crystal
Dear Crystal
Right-click the Desktop, choose
Properties, and click the Appearance tab. Click the Effects
button and remove the check mark from the line:
Hide Underlined Letters for Keyboard Navigation Until I
Press The Alt Key.
Hit OK a bunch of times to step out of that and the
underlines all appear, ready to be used for shortcuts.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
That bonehead reminded me of a letter Linda had sent me
some time ago:
>From Linda
A relative called and asked me if I could loan her $400 to
help her pay her rent. I told her...give me a minute let me
check my account and I'll call you right back." Before I
could check my funds, my aunt called and said, "Don't give
her any money because she's lying". My aunt proceeded to tell
me that she wants to use that $400 to get her boyfriend out
of jail because she wants to be under the same roof with him
for the holidays!!!
So I thought about it for a minute, and decided to go ahead
and give her the $400.
I called and said, "Come on, I got you." A couple hours
later, I got a call from the County Jail, and it was her...
"Why did you give me counterfeit money?!"
I replied with the best answer I could:
"So you and your boyfriend would be under the same roof
for the holidays. You're welcome."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Overheard at a Computer Store:
"I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-
old, but it's got to be simple enough for his father to play,
too."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Checkout Surprise
Shop at Bakery Outlets
If possible, buy your bread, hamburger and hot dog buns, etc.
at a bakery outlet store. In my area, I can get a loaf of
bread for .55, as opposed to over $1.00 or more at the grocery
store. Go twice a month, and freeze the loaves. You'll save a
bundle, and it's definitely worth the trip!
By Marlene
Ask your Bakery Outlet what days are their sale days. They
quite often have much cheaper prices on these days. Also, if
you have chickens you can get feed bread for next to nothing.
Susan
I vaguely remember bakery outlet stores. Good old days!
Nowadays, where each supermarket gets their breads frozen, by
the truckload, and thaws it out as needed, and refreezes
leftovers, those bargains are history. No more sale days on
bread, unless you get on REALLY good terms with staff there.
There are no more bakers around. The bakers are maybe a
thousand miles away. The stores just have staff thawing and
heating frozen bread according to the schedule taped to the
freezer by the manager. If you want actually fresh bread, go to
Tim Hortons or Subway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
What Ali wore. I love this story, a man "dressed to the nines" everyday.
|
___________________________________________________
A couple went shopping at the mall.
They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours
later. The husband was at their appointed meeting place at
the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife.
After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but
couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented.
Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a
beautiful lady on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said,
"Please, talk to me! Quick!"
She said, "Why?"
"Because I've been looking for my wife all over this silly mall
and I can't find her," the man replied.
"How will talking to me help you find your wife? I have
absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where
she is."
"I didn't think you did. However, every time I start talking to
a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to
be quiet during the Church service.
One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 22 in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed.
1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation
Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held within rebel
states would be free as of January 1, 1863.
1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the ice cream
cone.
1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German submarine
in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were killed. This event
alerted the British to the effectiveness of the submarine.
1927 In Chicago, IL, Gene Tunney successfully defended his
heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous
"long-count" fight.
1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb
successfully.
1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules
said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour and
there was no Sunday morning TV permitted.
1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy signed a congressional act
that established the Peace Corps.
1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon.
1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into a
full-scale war.
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and voiced a new hope for arms control. He also
criticized the Soviet Union for arresting U.S. journalist
Nicholas Daniloff.
1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of
Japanese-Canadian's during World War II. They also promised
compensation.
1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yemeni and Jordanian
envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific.
1991 An article in the London newspaper "The Mail" revealed
that John Cairncross admitted to being the "fifth man" in the
Soviet Union's British spy ring.
1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its role
in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina.
1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti.
1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to
privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop
plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving the
country.
1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and
told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time". He
then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the U.S.
Senate.
2018 smiled.
|
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Friday, September 21, 2018, 06:05 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Surgeon and girlfriend raped hundreds
______________________________________________________
Today, September 21 in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish
the monarchy.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and
he sometimes wondered whose it was and
whether they were enjoying it.
--- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001),
______________________________________________________
Goldblum was seated comfortably in his living room one evening
when a rock crashed through the window and landed at his feet,
amidst a shower of splintered glass. To the rock was attached
a note: "Unless you pay us $10,000 according to instructions,
we will kidnap your wife."
After some thought, Smith sat down at his desk and penned a
reply:
"Gentlemen,
Your rock of this date has been received. I don't have $10,000
busgeted for that project. However, keep in touch, as your
proposition interests me."
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira,
one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide
pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been
discovered. They had died in the act of making love.
"How awful !" exclaimed the wife.
"Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Vickey for this one:
"Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving.
"Don't you see that car is braking?"
Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck, his tire is
wobbling."
The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about
his loose wheel.
The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated
by the incessant squealing of the CB.
"Why do you always get so much static?" she asked.
"Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."
______________________________________________________
Boys need Fries. Watch their legs below the cardboard!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Grant W. Robicheaux, 38,
Newport Beach,
California
Calif. Surgeon and Girlfriend May Have
Raped Hundreds
California prosecutors say Robicheaux drugged victims.
We've all heard of a wolf in sheep's clothing," Orange County
DA Tony Rackauckas told reporters Tuesday. "Well, a wolf can
wear scrubs or doctor's clothing. Or a wolf can be a beautiful
woman." Rackauckas announced that a prominent surgeon and his
girlfriend have been charged with sexually assaulting two women
and prosecutors suspect there could be many more victims, KTLA
reports. Grant William Robicheaux, 38, and Cerissa Laura Riley,
31, have been charged with multiple felonies including rape by
the use of drugs. Prosecutors say the couple worked in tandem
to find victims, drug them, and bring them back to Robicheaux's
apartment, where they videotaped sexual assaults.
Robicheaux and Riley are accused of possessing large quantities
of drugs, including GHB, cocaine, and ecstasy. Prosecutors tell
the BBC that the suspects' phones yielded "thousands and
thousands" of videos of possible victims. "There are several
videos where the women in the videos appear to be highly
intoxicated beyond the ability to consent or resist and they
are barely responsive to the defendants' sexual advances,"
Rackauckas says.
"Based on this evidence we believe there might be many
unidentified victims out there." He says prosecutors believe
the "defendants used their good looks and charms to lower the
inhibitions of their potential prey." Robicheaux appeared in an
episode of the Bravo reality series Online Dating Rituals of
the American Male, reports People.
From Connie
Re: Roboform
Dear Webby:
I have read where some people are having problems with
RoboForm, so my question is: is it okay/safe to use?
I seem to remember you saying you were going to research and
see if there was something better. Since I've been trusting
your advice for so long I've not updated to their version
8.5.3, should I do so or continue to wait?
Thanks for all the advice. I certainly appreciate it.
Nigle
Dear Nigle
RoboForm has become evil shit, that steals all your passwords.
The totally incompetent morons redesigned it so that there is
absolutely NO way to recover your master password if you or
somebody washes it off your office wall.
That makes it totally useless.
Right now I am using Chrome to store my passwords. It uses the
same Master password as my Gmail, and they have a civilized
recovery, as long as you have an alternate email address. They
will email it to that. No problem.
Seems they have somebody with a brain working there.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited.
His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young
doctor told her to send him in.
Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as
the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll
expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy
man."
He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?"
"No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone...."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a
resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
"Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that
every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in
bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed
for a week."
"I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me
to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix
it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Checkout Surprise
Tired of being surprised by the total when you get at the
checkout? Carry a small calculator and keep a running
total as you go through the store. It eliminates the surprise
(or shock) of hearing the total from the checker and also
makes it easy to stick to your grocery budget.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Yakutsk: The coldest city in the world.
|
___________________________________________________
Prayer
One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging,
violent river.
They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to
do it.
The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the
strength to cross this river.
"Poof!" God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able
to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying,
"Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this
river.
"Poof!" God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across
the river in about three hours.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two,
so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the
strength, ability, a nd intelligence to cross this river."
And Poof! God turned him into a woman.
She looked at the map, walked a quarter mile upriver and across
the bridge.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever
seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there
and tell him off.
Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 21 in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the
monarchy.
1784 "The Pennsylvania Packet and Daily Advertiser" was
published for the first time in Philadelphia. It was the first
daily paper in America.
1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first
American gasoline-powered automobile for a test drive. The
"horseless carriage" was designed by Frank and Charles Duryea.
1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa
Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter from 8-year-
old Virginia O'Hanlon.
1931 Britain went off the gold standard.
1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast
territory of Manchuria.
1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published.
1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic of
China.
1961 Antonio Abertondo swam the English Channel (in both
directions) in 24 hours and 25 minutes.
1964 Malta gained independence from Britain.
1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The spacecraft
completed the first unmanned round-trip flight to the moon.
1973 Henry Kissinger was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become
56th Secretary of State. He was the first naturalized citizen
to hold the office of Secretary of State.
1981 The U.S. Senate confirmed Sandra Day O'Connor to be the
first female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.
1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain.
1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was the
brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect when he
was assassinated.
1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their
family reunion program.
1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he was
ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was
effectively seizing all state power.
1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted to
admit women.
2018 smiled.
|
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How do I find my IP number?
Thursday, September 20, 2018, 09:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 20
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie
______________________________________________________
Today, September 20 in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find
a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed
during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the
journey.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
--- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice;
In practice, there is.
--- Chuck Reid
______________________________________________________
I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand
when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were.
"Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium,
ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked
ones," I answered.
"All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones."
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed
by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital
fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all
but ignored for the next half-hour.
Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled,
"Please help me!"
"Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
For the second time in six weeks a man had fallen off his
horse and broken some ribs. Coincidentally, the doctor in
the emergency room at the hospital was the same both times.
Since there isn't much that can be done for broken ribs, he
prescribed a pain killer and sent the man on his way.
As the man turned to leave, he jokingly asked, "Is there
anything you can recommend for my horse?"
The doctor paused and thought for a moment, then said, "If
it were me, I'd get another rider."
______________________________________________________
Sunshine Skyway Bridge, Florida
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Crystal Ely,
29,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Woman arrested after trying to
hire hitman to kill husband
A 29-year-old Jacksonville woman was arrested Thursday after
police said she attempted to hire someone to kill her husband.
According to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office, a man told
police in August that Crystal Ely asked him for help finding
someone to murder her husband, and JSO began an undercover
operation.
Ely unknowingly met with an undercover JSO officer four times
in September -- reiterating her desire to have the officer kill
her husband in exchange for money.
An arrest report states she provided the undercover officer
with a picture of her husband, a diagram of the inside of the
business she and her husband worked at and instead of money she
initially mentioned, she gave him a pair of earrings and two
rings as payment.
Each meeting was recorded in its entirety, police stated in the
report. She was arrested at the fourth meeting on Sept. 13
after giving the officer the jewelry and picture of her
husband, one including her family.
Ely faces two capital felony crimes: criminal conspiracy and
criminal solicitation.
Ely, 29, is being held without bond, online jail records show.
When found guilty, Ely will likely face up to 30 years in
prison.
From Connie
Re: My IP number
Dear Webby:
How can I find out what my IP number is ?
Thanks
Connie
Dear Connie
Because I get asked that question about once a week, I made a
web site to tell you that number:
http://webby.com/ip
It is probably the fastest site on the net!
If your ISP changes your IP frequently, or if you travel a lot,
bookmark that site.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for
window seats for both herself and her husband.
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from
sitting together.
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of
quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know*
what I'm requesting!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"More trouble for Britney Spears. She was charged with not
having a valid California driver's license. You know why
Britney didn't have a license here in California? Because
she's here legally." --- Jay Leno
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister
had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily
holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a
man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency.
To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was
left alone in the unlocked room.
After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out.
Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get
back in there, and don't you come out until you're told!"
The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the
security people returned, the women reported what had happened.
Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released
one very frightened telephone repairman.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Yakutsk: The coldest city in the world.
|
___________________________________________________
>From Malcolm
Thanks- here's an old one- something to read whilst I nip into
BD-John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of
unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying
to get him to change. One day John came home with another one
of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was
actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when
Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy
was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2
hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us
where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments,"
answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again
slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip
quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I
lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I
never lied to my parents."
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that
nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in
laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for
that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is
your son!" With that the robot immediately walked around to
Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always
kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some
to a guest, who took a big spoonful.
When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped,
"I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the
first one I've met who passed out a sample of it."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 20 in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find
a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed
during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the
journey.
1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian troops,
leading to the unification of Italy.
1921 KDKA in Pittsburgh, PA, started a daily radio newscast. It
was one of the first in the U.S.
1946 WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote a
motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown.
1962 James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from
enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross R.
Barnett. Meredith was later admitted.
1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.-
Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General
Assembly.
1967 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It
went out of service on November 27, 2008.
1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco
from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program.
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S.,
France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops back
to Beirut.
1989 F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South Africa.
1992 French voters approved the Maastricht Treaty.
1995 AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three
companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent Technologies,
and NCR Corp.
1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the
national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide their
own speed limits.
2018 smiled.
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Wednesday, September 19, 2018, 08:59 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 19
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie
______________________________________________________
Today, September 19 in
1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs.
But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men.
--- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956)
______________________________________________________
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all
the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass
cases.
When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"
he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled
doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an egg to throw at that Pelosi poster."
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first
one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake
Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake
died of a liver ailment."
"So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked his
friend.
"Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you
can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Approaching the counter at a local post office, Text-End
said to the stern-faced woman on the other side,
"Are you the Postmistress?"
"No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam
doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Is that a political statement or a left wing salute?
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Brittany Carter, 23,
Cory Jackson, 20,
Findlay, Hanstock County,
Ohio
Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie
An Ohio woman has been charged with raping and robbing a male
taxi driver while an accomplice held the victim at knifepoint,
according to investigators.
Brittany Carter, 23, was named this month in a two-count felony
indictment charging her with aggravated robbery and rape in
connection with the alleged attack earlier this year in
Findlay,
a city about 40 miles south of Toledo.
According to cops, two black males and a white female called
for a cab to pick them up at a TownePlace Suites hotel around
4:25 AM. During the subsequent trip, police allege, passenger
Cory Jackson, 20, pulled out a knife and placed it against the
29-year-old driver's throat.
While the victim was being held at knifepoint, Carter allegedly
performed a sex act on the Trinity Express Cab Service driver.
Before fleeing the vehicle, Carter and Jackson took $32 from
the
victim's pocket, police charge. The driver, cops say, was not
injured during the incident.
Carter's indictment accuses her of having purposely compelled
the victim to engage in sexual conduct by force or threat of
force. Jackson has been charged with aiding and abetting
Carter's rape of the taxi driver. He has also been indicted for
aggravated robbery. The third passenger will be charged once
he
is identified, police say.
Pictured above, Carter is being held at the Hancock County jail
in lieu of $60,000 bond. Carter was indicted twice last year
on
felony drug charges, according to court records that show both
cases are pending. One indictment accuses Carter of possessing
heroin, while the second indictment alleges that she allowed
her vehicle to be used in the trafficking of heroin.
Jackson, who remains at large, is also wanted on a murder
warrant issued in a neighboring Ohio county.
From: Dianne
Re: Durability of DVDs
Dear Webby:
I think it's time to remind your readers again that DVDs
don't last forever. Some friends of mine lost irreplaceable
pictures of a family reunion, because they entrusted them
to a DVD. It was the last reunion for some of the people
there, and they can't go back to re-take the pictures.
It was heartbreak to find out that all those pictures are
gone.
Dianne
Dear Dianne
Yes, nobody ever claimed that DVDs or CDs would last forever.
If they are handled carefully and stored in a cool, dark place,
they last a long time, but if they are handled frequently or
shipped, their life span goes down accordingly.
The safest storage is a portable USB hard drive kept in a
safety deposit box far away from the computer.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy...
9. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
shouted hurrah.
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another
important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter
Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world
with a 100 foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his
birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because
of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies,
all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a
heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John
Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he
wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and
declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin
died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.
Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log
cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed
the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the
night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got
shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly
insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had
a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to
present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so
was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half
English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so
deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even
when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827
and later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts
and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a
network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the
McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis
Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered radio. And Karl Marx invented Communist income tax
so that the harder you work, the more days per week you work
for the Government.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western
civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing
To make laundry sorting easier and faster I have a blue 10
gallon trash can for blue jeans, a white one for whites,
and a green one for everything else. It wasn't hard training
my children to use them either (even the 17 year old!) By Angie
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The Boab prison trees of Australia.
|
___________________________________________________
A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout
line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset
about something. She announced,
"As soon as we get home I'm going to run away."
Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let
her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work,
so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't
you just run away from here?"
The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know
my way to grandma's house from here."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the
latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up
alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of
fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!"
Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that
very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked
and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on
a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of
fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too."
The young man gave him a disdainful look and said,
"You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 19 in
1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and
France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King John.
1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers during
the Revolutionary War.
1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper.
1891 "The Merchant of Venice" was performed for the first time at
Manchester.
1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to
giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.
1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt by
the army and navy.
1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test. The
test took place in the Nevada desert.
1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due to
security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily.
1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the United
Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily after a
dispute with the management.
1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an
online message.
1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were supported
in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut.
1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement transferring
Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997.
1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an
experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients.
1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite.
1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that
were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government.
1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending Yugoslavia
due to its role in the Bosnian civil war.
1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the return
of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide.
1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S.
ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed by
three U.S. servicemen.
1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a
peace treaty to end their long war.
2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to
overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September 25th to
help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer areas.
2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop "AOL"
from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The company had
announced its merger and name change on January 10, 2000
In the end, after Time Warner had harvested the AOL address
books, list of advertisers and a few techs, they kicked them
out. Eventually Verizon bought AOL becasue of their expertise
in tech support.
2018 smiled.
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Tuesday, September 18, 2018, 08:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 18
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
English rapist who took his child victim out to a
nightclub and plied her with Jagerbombs until
3am, has been jailed for 14 years.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British.
They don't speak English just yet
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from men
who don't have any.
--- Ann Richards
______________________________________________________
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One
day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit....
Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you." Girl: "Hi! It
seems like you've been here a long time. How long has
it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the
girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives
the man cigarette.
Man: "Oh thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a
drink?"
Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little
longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a
flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.]
"So tell me then, how long has it been since you played
around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of
golf clubs in there too?!"
-------------
Glad I am not playing golf!
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave
me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't
tell anybody."
The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the
doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill:
"Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the
electric company.
"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."
That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad
as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first
thing the next morning.
"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a
month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband
shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All
you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you
off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set
up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I
conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield
casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had
applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate
different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said
to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What
would you do with him?"
Came this reply from the back of the class: "Make him an
officer!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
John Phoenix,
30
Leigh,
Greater Manchester
Britain
English rapist who took his child victim out to a
nightclub and plied her with Jagerbombs until
3am has been jailed for 14 years.
John Phoenix, 30, coaxed the girl, 12, into a ‘long,
protracted’ lesbian kiss (Oral sex) with his girlfriend after
taking her drinking. He then took her back to his apartment,
where she passed out. She woke up 14 hours later, with no
recollection of what had happened.
Tests showed that Phoenix had raped her while she lay
unconscious. The court heard the girl’s ordeal began on
September 21 last year after she met Phoenix on Snapchat. After
swapping messages over a two week period, she was invited out
for an evening at Cafe Stella club in Leigh.
Police rescued the victim from Phoenix’s flat in Leigh, Greater
Manchester following a three day search after her mother
reported her missing the first night Phoenix sent a cab to pick
her up. During the hunt, officers had made a public appeal for
information about the girl’s whereabouts and Phoenix spotted a
picture of her on social media which confirmed she was 12. He
said: ‘Is that you?’ and she said ‘Yes’ – but he then kept her
in his flat whilst he went out with friends.
In England doors can be locked from the outside to prevent
anybody from exiting, even in an emergency.
When arrested he claimed he thought the girl was 17.
She has since tried to kill herself. In a statement, the girl’s
mother said: ‘This is every parent’s worst nightmare and I feel
like I have failed in my parental duties. I felt so angry when
he said that he thought she was 17. I am so worried about her,
I have even contemplated sleeping by the front door just in
case she tries to leave again. ‘She is so precious to me and I
don’t want to hear how she blames herself for what happened and
how she wants to die. When I found out what the female did to
my daughter as well, I felt sick. I found it hard to
comprehend.’ The girl said: ‘What happened with John Phoenix
will change me forever; I thought he was a friend.
From: Neil
Re: Get Firefox Bookmark Icon back
Dear Webby:
In the latest version of firefox click on the three bar menu,
select options, drag the bookmarks star over to the box on the
right hand side of the screen and click done at the bottom of
the page. This will add the bookmarks star back where it
belongs.
Neil
Dear Neil
Thanks!
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy!
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. the climate of the
Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He
died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them
we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is
a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose
of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled
biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields of
Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he
was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out Tee hee,
Brutus.
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by
Bernard Shaw.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the
priest's much-loved roses.
"Not bad," said the priest. "But they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death."
"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to
increase his garden knowledge.
"Nuns with scissors."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles
If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't
like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the
height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow
inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and and your pillar
candles will last a long time.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Professionals at work.
|
___________________________________________________
Thanks to Barry for this story:
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Southern
Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and
animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer
hunting.
The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought
in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it,
'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my
brother?'
Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking.
All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I
going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away.
They are very much like the French.'
The interview ended at that point.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside
with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon
went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead.
Could you be saying a mass for the creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an
animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down
the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do
something for the animal."
Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is
enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was
Catholic?"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British.
They don't speak English just yet
1769 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first
piano had been built in North America. The instrument was named
the spinet and was made by John Harris.
1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain.
1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America,
raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when the
locomotive had some mechanical difficulties.
1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S. Congress.
The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that had escaped
into other states.
1851 The first issue of "The New York Times" was published.
1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman to
ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was the Six
Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York.
1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic
adjustment.
1927 Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System made its debut
with its network broadcast over 16 radio stations. The name was
later changed to CBS.
1940 "You Can't Go Home Again" by Thomas Wolfe was published by
Harper and Brothers.
1946 Mound Metalcraft was founded in Mound, MN. On November 23,
1955, the company changed its name to Tonka Toys Incorporated.
1947 The United States Air Force was established as a separate
military branch by the National Security Act.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send
warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters that were searching for
hidden Iraqi weapons if it became necessary.
1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October 15th.
This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them out of
power.
1997 Ted Turner, U.S. Media magnate, announced that over the
next ten years he would give $1 billion to the United Nations.
1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow medication
for AIDS patients.
2018 smiled.
|
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Firefox bookmarking icon missing
Monday, September 17, 2018, 08:24 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 17
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling
customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza
if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo
______________________________________________________
Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance
that expelled all Jews from France.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Listening, not imitation,
may be the sincerest form of flattery.
--- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - )
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents
in spite of every effort to teach them good manners.
--- Socratex
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.
The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the
earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks,
"Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them
aimed at themselves."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious
patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today."
the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
-----------
Don't feel bad. I have been a diabetic for about a dozen years,
but I still have no clue what being light headed means.
Smart-Ass I know, but light-headed????
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Dominos Pizza
Russia
Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling
customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza
if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo
Domino’s Pizza have done a U-turn on a promotion that promised
free pizzas for life to anyone who got a tattoo of their logo.
The Russian branch of the fast food company promised those that
got the inkings 100 free pizzas for the next 100 years.
But it would appear the brand were not expecting so many people
to take part, as they quickly had to change their promotion to
the ‘first 350 people’ within days of it going live.
And with many Russians desperate for their chance to have
10,000 free pizzas, the quota filled up at a rapid speed.
‘Friends, we already have 350 participants!’ Domino’s Russia
urgently wrote on Facebook on September 10. ‘We are not
receiving any new tattoos! ‘If you are at a tattoo artist’s and
getting tattoos, we will include you in the list of
participants. But we are waiting for pictures before 12:00
today.
‘For those [getting tattoos] later, we recommend cancelling the
appointment, because unfortunately we will not be able to
include you.’ The ‘Domino’s forever’ campaign had originally
been due for two months, from August 31 until October 31. But
while the promotion has now been officially closed, it would
appear that some Russians have not quite got the memo.
The latest image shared on Instagram was just four hours ago
and is yet to warrant a reply from the company. While another
picture posted yesterday depicting the logo embedded in a
heart-shaped pizza has also been met with silence.
From: Bill
Re: Firefox Bookmark Icon is gone
Dear Webby:
Until recently, I had a bookmark icon, a blue star, next to the
address on all the Firefox pages. This has disappeared. How can
I get it back?
Thanks.
Bill
Dear Bill
I have not used FireFox for probably half a dozen years, so I
dusted it off and tried it again.
Firefox Support has this to say:
Bookmarks Icons disappeared | Firefox Support Forum | Mozilla
Support
https://support.mozilla.org/questions/1114505
Mar 16, 2016 - *"Remove from Toolbar" will remove this item
from the Navigation Toolbar and moves it to the Customize
palette ("3-bar" Firefox menu button > Customize) *"Move to
Menu" will move this item to the "3-bar" Firefox menu button
drop-down list *"Move to Toolbar" in the "3-bar" Firefox menu
button drop-down list will move ...
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"Prison officials in New Jersey, this week, had to use tear
gas to break up a prison riot. You know what they call tear
gas in New Jersey? Air freshener." ---Jay Leno
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman
he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal.
He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a
token of his affection every day for a month to her house.
The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love
with the UPS man.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cooking Different Cuts of Meat
Tough cuts of meat are best cooked with moisture like stewing
or using a slow cooker. The moisture will soften tough cuts of
meat and make them more appetizing. Tender cuts of meat
should be cooked with dry heat by pan frying, barbecuing or
oven roasting.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
21 Simple but genius ideas that need to be implemented in every country immediately.
|
___________________________________________________
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a
senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-
ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into
them.
"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?"
I joked.
"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.
"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a
lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would
extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"
"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion
would blow out the match."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation,
and she goes into labor!"
The second one looks at the first and says, "What do
you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that expelled
all Jews from France.
1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation.
1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention.
1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to both
armies.
1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler
system.
1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It
took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to
Pasadena, CA.
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV.
1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile.
1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded
Poland on September 1. Germany's invasion caused Britain to
declare war against Germany and start WWII. Russia invading the
other half of Poland was considered traditional European border
re-arrangement and quite OK.
1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied
paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was behind
German lines in the Netherlands.
1953 The Ochsner Foundation Hospital in New Orleans, LA,
successfully separated Siamese twins. Carolyn Anne and
Catherine Anne Mouton were connected at the waist when born.
1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A.
Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts.
1965 "Hogan's Heroes" debuted on CBS-TV.
1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV.
1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV.
1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale,
CA.
1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black
woman to be crowned Miss America.
1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they
were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami, FL.
It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens.
1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S.
His fortune was $4.1 billion.
1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years.
1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being
taken over by China in 1997.
1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace
talks. It was the first time that all of the major players had
come together.
1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims in
the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7, 1998.
2018 smiled.
|
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Sunday, September 16, 2018, 06:14 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 16
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming
Victim in Gas Station Bathroom
______________________________________________________
Today, September 16 in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
--- Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919 - )
- More quotations on: [Writing]
Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths
being in and out of favor.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
There are two ways to slide easily through life:
to believe everything or to doubt everything.
Both ways save us from thinking.
--- Alfred Korzybski
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
"You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How
old are you again?"
"I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How
do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old."
"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got
married that whenever she got mad she would go into
the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to
settle down." the man explained.
"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
"I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college
kid, some questions about different products he uses.
MSS - Which shaving cream do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Which aftershave do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Which deodorant do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Which toothpaste do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'?
Is it an international company?
Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate.
______________________________________________________
From Dad: This one bloomed today
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Shawn Thomas Hallett,
38,
Levelland,
Texas
Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming
Victim in Gas Station Bathroom
Police arrested a man wearing a dress and wig after a woman
accused him of filming her in the women’s bathroom of a
Greenville, South Carolina, gas station.
Shawn Thomas Hallett, 38, was arrested and charged with
voyeurism after authorities received a call from the QuikTrip
(QT) gas station on Academy Street near downtown Greenville,
Fox Carolina reported.
The victim said she was startled when she heard a male voice
coming from a stall in which she could only see a pair of
women’s shoes. Instead of leaving the bathroom, the victim used
a different stall. But the woman said the situation escalated
when she saw a hand holding a cell phone appear under the stall
wall.
Police took testimony from several witnesses who said they saw
a man dressed as a woman leaving the bathroom.
Greenville police found the accused near the gas station, still
wearing the wig and women’s clothing. Police also said they
found a video of the victim on Hallett’s cell phone.
From: Jay
Re: Zoomable fonts
Dear Webby
I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster
insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right.
Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can
hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you
make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you
suggest.
Jay
Dear Jay
Dear Jay
Some people claim to be webmasters,
others ARE, and don't care what title you use for them.
Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a
web page is not the same as creating it with HTML.
The same goes for kids using FrontPage.
Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite
up to standard and will bite you sooner or later.
I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your
site the way YOU want it, instead of implying that your
computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is
useless. When I see something that is too small to read
comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size,
I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a
hunch most people browse that way.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed
several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed
to look like an apple.
I asked one nurse what the pin signified.
"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the
doctors away."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
>From Frieda:
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended
a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at
least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking
the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love
you so much we decided to bring another child into this
family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband
came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I
decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she wash and
iron?"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Quick Homemade Waffles
I have an eight year old and we're always rushed in the
mornings, so I make up a batch of waffles ahead of time
and freeze them in individual serving sizes. Then you take
them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster and
they come out awesome!
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Biltmore Estate's Secret Passages
|
___________________________________________________
During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft.
Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot
at that moment screamed,
"US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on
'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right
there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's
& D's, but get it right!"
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew,
"You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this
out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to!
Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell
you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
The humbled crew responded,
"Yes, Ma'am."
The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one
wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current
state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high.
Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked,
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi
just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,
"Perfect timing. You're just like Vince."
"Who?"
"Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my
coming along when you needed a cab. It would have
happened like that to Vince every single time."
"There are always a few clouds over everybody."
"Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on
the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang
like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."
"He was something, huh?"
"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's
birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He
could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the
whole neighborhood blacks out."
"No wonder you remember him."
"Well, I never actually met Vince."
"Then how do you know so much about him?"
"I married his widow."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 16 in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales.
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers
onboard.
1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston.
1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on
document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the
British. It was the first official use of the impression.
1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. Miguel
Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish descent,
declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the small town of
Dolores.
1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds
of thousands of settlers.
1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy"
Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds
car companies.
1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective
Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime
military draft in U.S. history.
1940 Samuel T. Rayburn of Texas was elected Speaker of the U.S.
House of Representatives. He served for 17 years.
1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York. It
was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope
process.
1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty
program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War.
1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be
ordained as priests and bishops.
1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian
men, women and children began in refugee camps of the Lebanese
Christian militiamen.
1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in
leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into
power.
1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an
effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions of
harmful chemicals by the year 2000.
1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President
George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message
warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into a
war "against the world."
1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5
billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989
Exxon Valdez spill.
1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on
the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years.
1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss
classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the Places
You'll Go."
2018 smiled.
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Saturday, September 15, 2018, 07:20 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 15
5 cm (2") snow.
Where is the Gullible Warming when you need it?
Is the ice age really coming?
Not really, it's just cycles, like the Farmer's Almanac and all
the old folks predicted. The Gullible Warming cycle is
finished, now we have the Ice Age Scare cycle, like we did when
the do-gooders got mad at our muscle cars in the 70's.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Man accidentally shot self while
fleeing fficers in Delaware County
______________________________________________________
Today, September 15 in
1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his
favorite restaurant and ordered lunch.
A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip.
When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his
"generosity" and she said she could tell the character of a
diner by the way he tipped.
"Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked.
"You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and
that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me
you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a
bachelor."
"That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell
you?"
"The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
"We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl
would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it
stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime.
By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." --- Gene Perret
______________________________________________________
Randa, Switzerland
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Keon Williams,
20,
Chester.
Pennsylvania
Man accidentally shot self while
fleeing fficers in Delaware County
Police say a man was injured after his gun went off while he
was fleeing from officers on Saturday in Delaware County.
According to the Upland Borough Police Department, an officer
pulled over a white Lincoln Sedan for an expired inspection.
After approaching the car the officer smelled marijuana, police
say, and told both people inside the car to provide
identification and step out of the vehicle.
Police say that's when one of the men, 20-year-old Chester
resident Keon Williams, fled the scene on foot.
Officers were in pursuit when they say Williams pulled a semi-
automatic firearm from his waistband, causing it to fire. The
bullet hit Williams in his lower body.
Police took Williams into custody and then sent him to the
hospital for treatment of non-life-threatening injuries.
Investigators say the gun Williams was carrying had been
reported stolen. Williams was also in possession of drugs, drug
paraphernalia, and more than $2,300 in cash.
Williams is being charged with weapons possession, narcotics
possession and related offenses.
From: Barbara C
Re: Mac Forum
Hi Webby,
Barbara C can go to œApple Support Communities and ask a
question there or look for a similar question from someone else
for the answers to her questions. There’s no cost involved.
Have a great day!
Best Regards,
Patricia
Dear Patricia
She probably knows that, but I will tell her anyway.
Most important is to get rid of the infection and pirating,
that BestBuy and WebRoot were not able to control.
She can have wise discussions on the Apple Support Communities
after that.
The people on that forum like Webroot, but we already know,
that did not help.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of
the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his
wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen,
it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at
the grocery store!"
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom
decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice
President of prunes?"
"Which one? Dried or canned?".
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
During her annual checkup, a well-built lady was asked to
disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of
you."
"That's all right," said the physician, "I'll flick off
the lights. You get undressed and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness,
"Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with my clothes?"
"Your clothes?" answered the doctor.
"Put them over here, on top of mine!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buying Books
Discount bookstores and used books stores usually sell
books for half off cover price and online retailers can be
even cheaper. The cheapest place to find books, by far,
is garage sales and rummage sales. Books are usually
only .25 to .50.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Incredible Paper Art from Japan's Mr. Riu
|
___________________________________________________
The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us
grows best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade.
"For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun,
but fuchsias thrive in the shade."
After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached
him.
"Your sermon did me so much good," she said.
Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added,
"I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
After our friend Tom had been a temporary Bachelor for
several weeks, we stopped by his Home to visit him. My wife
asked if he was eating Properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of
dog food," Tom Told her.
"Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can't believe
you would be eating anything Like that!"
"Come to the kitchen and I'll show you," Tom replied.
Opening the refrigerator door, He waved his hand at a row
of doggie bags from half of the restaurants in town.
____________________________________________________
Today, September 15 in
1776 British forces occupied New York City during the American
Revolution.
1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador
proclaimed independence.
1853 Reverend Antoinette Brown Blackwell was ordained becoming
first female minister in the United States.
1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine.
1858 The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of the
U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the Butterfield
Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the journey between
Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA.
1909 A New York judge ruled that Ford Motor Company had
infringed on George Seldon's patent for the "Road Engine." The
ruling was later overturned.
1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his ignition
system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering Laboratories
Company) later became a subsidiary of General Motors.
1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were
first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the
battlefields.
1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic.
1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John
Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux Klan.
After this declaration national newspapers began to expose the
Klan and its criminal activities.
1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin in
the mold Penicillium notatum.
1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The act
stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the swastika
was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany.
1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in
the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to
abandon his plans for invading Britain.
1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the
Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto.
1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to
relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul.
1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point
scoring system for all of its matches.
1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor.
1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit.
1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons.
1965 "Lost in Space" premiered on CBS TV.
1965 "Green Acres" premiered on CBS TV.
1971 Greenpeace was founded.
1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World
Heavyweight Boxing title.
1982 The first issue of "USA Today" was published.
1983 The U.S. Senate joined the U.S. House of Representatives
in their condemning of the Soviet Union for shooting down a
Korean jet with 269 people onboard.
1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000
soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi military
attaches in Paris.
1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning the
crime of carjacking.
1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders "Your
time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power."
1995 The U.N. Fourth World Conference on Women was held in
Beijing.
1997 The domain name "google.com" was registered.
1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to be
on full alert and massed troops on its border with Afghanistan.
1998 It was announced that 5.9 million people read The Starr
Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White House
defense of U.S. President Clinton.
1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a
multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor.
2003 In Independence, MO, the birthplace of Ginger Rogers was
designated a local landmark. The move by the Independence City
Council qualified the home for historic preservation.
2012 Legoland Malaysia opened in Nusajaya, Johor, Malaysia.
2018 smiled.
|
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Friday, September 14, 2018, 09:33 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Due to a total lack of Gullible Warming, we had snow today.
Obama says it's trump's fault.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and
Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike
______________________________________________________
Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop looting!
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't
talk about other people.
--- Lucille S. Harper
Some people will never learn anything because
they understand everything too soon.
--- Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744)
----------or think they do
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The following was overheard at a recent high society party...
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,"
said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked,
"How far does your family go back?"
"I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost
in the flood."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in
a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the
house on the other side of the street. First they see two
people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they
notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The
Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."
The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the house,
it'll be empty again."
______________________________________________________
Rugby hurts!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jy Kennedy, 24,
Weoley Castle,
Birmingham
England
Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and
Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike
A burglar downed 24 bottles of beer and a bottle of
Jägermeister before he tried to escape from police on a
bicycle. Jy Kennedy, who had also taken cocaine, was chased by
police for a mile as he made a number of U-turns to shake them
off. The 24-year-old eventually crashed into a police car and
fell off, ending the chase on August 5 in Weoley Castle,
Birmingham.
Kennedy, of Pershore Road, Selly Oak, who had previously
admitted burglary and theft, and had asked for three other
burglaries to be taken into consideration, was jailed for two
years. The chase began after two officers heard a burglar alarm
go off in Bournville Lane and spotted Kennedy cycling along
clutching a flat screen TV. Mark Phillips, prosecuting at
Birmingham Crown Court, said: It was quite clear the defendant
was drunk. He tried to run but did not get very far and was
arrested. When police searched his home they found a number of
items he had taken from the same address earlier laid out on
his bed including a jewellery box, a camcorder and a watch.
When quizzed, Kennedy said he had been recently released from
prison and was bored.
Mr Phillips said: ‘He took cocaine at about 6am and bought and
drank 24 bottles of Budweiser followed by a bottle of
Jagermeister. ‘It was in that state he had gone out to burgle.’
Judge Roderick Henderson said it was clear Kennedy had visited
the address more than once and that he had taken some items of
sentimental value which had never been recovered. Delroy Henry,
defending, said Kennedy had shown a lack of maturity and still
had a lot of growing up to do. He was soon to be a father and
would miss his first born’s birth if sent to jail.
From: Barbara C
Re: Infected Mac
Hello Webby, I have had a Mac lap top for less than 2 years. A
while back I allowed who I thought was An Amazon rep into the
computer. When I realized the mistake the link was severed.
Soooo I had Best Buy take a look because I wasn’t sure if it
had been compromised. They added Webroot. Now it buffers and
is slow to take commands. Is that protection really neccesary
since I thought Mac was set up to be protected against attack.
Can I just stop that program? Some help would be a appreciated.
Thanks Barbara
Dear Barbara
I have not touched a Mac since the days, when you were still
jail bait.
However, I know that the concept that Macs are protected is
just BS and advertising. As you found out, they are not
protected.
On the Humor Letter, you see the links for
Malwarebytes.
Get that to clean up your Mac and to protect it.
Then you can UNinstall that webroot.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to
my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor
husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me!
My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard
me say a bad word about about him?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
> Uncle Chuk
Life has taught me that no matter how dark it seems, there's
always a light on at the Motel 6.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Socks Together
Attach pairs of socks with a safety pin before putting them
in the washer. Even better, pin them together when you take
them off and toss them in the dirty clothes hamper. The best
safety pins are diaper safety pins which are less likely to
damage other clothing.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Wildly beautiful photos of Flamingos from the air.
|
___________________________________________________
Rosh Hashanah is a time for introspection, and purifying one's
soul, In conjunction with this is the custom of Tashlich, where
people take crumbs and throw them into a river or other body of
water to symbolize throwing away one's sins and starting the
new year fresh.
However, times have changed...
Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in
the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity.
Instead, consider these options this year for Rosh Hashanah:
For ordinary sins, use White Bread
For exotic sins, French Bread
For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
For complex sins, Multi-grain
For twisted sins, Pretzels
For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision, Waffles
For sins committed in haste, Matzah
For sins of chutzpah, Bread that's fresh
For substance abuse, Poppy Seed
For committing arson, Toast
For committing auto theft, Caraway
For being ill tempered, Sourdough
For silliness, Nut Bread
For jingoism,Yankee Doodles
For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread
For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread
For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts
For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls
For immodest dressing, Tarts
For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes
For promiscuity, Hot Buns
For being holier than thou, Bagels
For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
For trashing the environment, Dumplings
For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf
For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake
For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake
For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread
For inhaling, Stoned Wheat
For your convenience, your local delicatessen has pre-mixed
bread crumbs for sale.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which
had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he
took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the
hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of
learnin' are you teachin'?"
"Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at
the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic."
"What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith...
what did you say?"
"'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in
geometry, algebra and trigonometry."
"Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my
boy needs.
He's the worst darn shot in the family."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop looting!
1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a poem
originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after witnessing
the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, during the War of
1812. The song became the official U.S. national anthem on
March 3, 1931.
1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the
leadership of General Winfield Scott.
1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon.
1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first automobile
fatality.
1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, at
age 42, succeeded him.
1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings.
1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on
the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky.
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. Congress
providing the first peacetime draft in the United States.
1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man-made
object on the moon when it crash landed on the surface.
1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait,
Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela.
1963 Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first surviving
quintuplets.
1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV.
1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton
the first U.S.-born saint.
1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV.
1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a
resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down of
a Korean jet on September 1.
1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the Atlantic Ocean.
1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U-ramp
and set a new skateboard high jump record.
1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested its
Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target.
2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks on the
U.S.
2009 Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service between
London and Portsmouth or Southampton.
2015 In Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA, the Laser
Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors
detected gravitational waves for the first time. The news was
reported on February 11, 2016.
2018 smiled.
|
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Thursday, September 13, 2018, 07:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 13
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Woman stabbed naked boyfriend
in bed when he said no to sex
______________________________________________________
Today, September 13 in
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Nobody believes the official spokesman...
but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
--- Ron Nesen
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those
in touch with it.
--- Jane Wagner
"ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on
games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and
elections."
--- Argus Hamilton
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted
his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had
bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the
store looking at the dress. Then I found myself
trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering
to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You
should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal
with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It
looks great from back here, too"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage
she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked -
"I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your
husband sometimes talks about his first wife?"
"Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied.
"What stopped him?"
"I started talking about my next husband."
______________________________________________________
Mandarin Duck
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Vicky Ludlow, 37,
Worcestershire,
England
Woman stabbed naked boyfriend
in bed when he said no to sex
A woman stabbed her boyfriend with a steak knife as they lay
naked together in bed because he had turned her down for sex, a
court heard. Vicky Ludlow, 37, left her boyfriend with a
punctured lung in the stabbing at his flat in Fenton, Stoke-on-
Trent. In the early hours of April 26, Ludlow who was drunk
told her boyfriend: 'I'm going to stab you', Stoke-on-Trent
Crown Court was told.
The man managed to escape the house and lock Ludlow inside, but
fell down the stairs where he was found naked by a neighbour
with 'blood everywhere'. She has now been jailed for six years
after admitting the attack. Prosecutor Glyn Samuel said the
victim's injury 'felt like a punch because it made a thud'. 'It
was only when the knife was withdrawn as it had a serrated edge
that he realised what it was,' the prosecutor said. 'She had a
steak knife in her hand. He pinned her down. He managed to
twist her arm so the knife stabbed in the mattress. He fled. He
locked her in the flat and called 999. He felt dizzy and fell
down the stairs. His neighbour heard a commotion caused by the
defendant banging on the inside of the door. She found the
victim covered in blood.
Ludlow, from Worcestershire, pleaded guilty to wounding with
intent to cause grievous bodily harm.
From: Bill
Re: Russian ISP
Dear Webby,
I have six computers, two of which are connected to the
internet.
I have had the same ISP for over ten years.
I had a question, and called my ISP. He looked up my internet
connection, and (sounding somewhat confused), he informed me
that I was no longer connected to his company. He informed me
that my ISP is in Russia. He then asked me if I would like to
be connected to his company, since I have been paying them to
be my ISP for the past ten years. I replied that being
connected to his company rather than some ISP in Russia would
be nice.
I could tell no difference between the ISP in Russia and the
local ISP.
Just thought you might be interested.
Thank you,
Bill
Dear Bill
Next, I suppose, Mueller will investigate you for not voting
for Broom Hilda.
Sounds like bullshit to me.
Are you using dial-up or DSL or cable or fibre?
You can easily check your connection.
In Windows, hit START, type
cmd
ENTER
You will get DOS. Yes, you still have DOS underneath all the
rigmarole.
Type
tracert webby.com
ENTER
DOS will trace your way to webby.com
You can, of course, trace to any domain you want, including the
one of your ISP.
Here I get:
Microsoft Windows [Version 6.1.7601]
Copyright (c) 2009 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
C:\Users\Helmut>tracert webby.com
Tracing route to webby.com [167.114.65.134]
over a maximum of 30 hops:
1 <1 ms <1 ms <1 ms 192.168.1.254
2 5 ms 15 ms 5 ms 10.145.156.1
3 54 ms 54 ms 54 ms toroonnlbr00.bb.telus.com
[154.11.11.57]
4 55 ms 55 ms 55 ms mtl-1-6k.qc.ca [142.44.208.120]
5 57 ms 56 ms 56 ms be100-1325.bhs-g2-nc5.qc.ca
[192.99.146.142]
6 * * * Request timed out.
7 149 ms 156 ms 147 ms be50-7.bhs-3b-a9.qc.ca
[198.27.73.98]
8 55 ms 55 ms 55 ms webby.com [167.114.65.134]
Trace complete.
You should get something similar
The potholes at hop #6 and the long time on #7 indicate that
some major router, looks like Chicago, is down and the Internet
re-routs around the problem via Montreal, but in the end gets
to Webby.com in 55 Milliseconds.
There are sites, that show you a map of your trace route. They
are often very busy and very slow.
https://www.iptrackeronline.com/index.php
will even show you a satellite shot of where that IP number is
located.
However, even just the tracert will give you an idea where you
are connected.
If you were dialing to a Russian ISP, your phone bill would be
astronomical.
I would guess that whoever you talked to was a clueless
politician, and was just bullshitting you.
If you want to see your own IP number, browse to
http://webby.com/ip
Then you can send that IP number to me, and I will trace to it.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep
in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
An old guy went to his doctor and said,
"Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately,
I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senility," replied the doctor.
"Senility is when you forget to zip down."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
How Many Meals
When buying meat, calculate how many meals you think you
can get out of the package and divide that by how much it
costs. Try to get as many meals out of each meat purchase
as possible.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Lets take a trip to St. Petersburg, Russia and see two palaces.
|
___________________________________________________
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on
a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want
to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest
comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in
alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all
get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished
with it, the bartender gives him his tab.
The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!"
The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really
busy in here and I must have forgotten."
The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what
happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his
drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid
when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender
apologizes.
Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the
bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I
paid you when I ordered the drink."
"I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know
what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that
I've done this to."
"I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible
hurry,...
Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on
my way!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite.
Four children leapt from the vehicle and began feverishly
unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to
gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the
camp stove and cooking utensils.
A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir,
is some display of teamwork."
The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the
bathroom until the camp is set up."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains of
Abraham in the final French and Indian War.
1789 The United States Government took out its first loan.
1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the Mexican-
American War.
1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid photographic
film, which is used to make movies.
1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit.
1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new airspeed
record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged Bullet).
1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China.
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe to
reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola.
1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. A
total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971.
1971 The World Hockey Association was formed.
1977 The first American diesel automobiles were introduced by
General Motors. Mercedes had made Diesel cars for decades, but
not in the US.
1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used poisonous
biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and Afghanistan.
1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's barometric
pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest hurricane ever
recorded in the Western Hemisphere.
1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major agreement.
Palestine was granted limited self-government in the Gaza Strip
and in Jericho.
2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin Laden
as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the United States
on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial flights resumed in
the U.S. for the first time in two days.
2018 smiled.
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Wednesday, September 12, 2018, 07:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 12
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Parents separated from kid, after
toddler handed cops drugs when mom
was pulled over
______________________________________________________
Today, September 12 in
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army
personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were
French-built.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I don't really trust a sane person.
--- Lyle Alzado (1949 - 1992)
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
--- Milton Berle
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911.
The operator said they would send someone out right away
and asked, "Where do you live?"
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about
I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"
--------
In Feldkirch, where I went to University, there was a Gasthaus
(inn) on Gymnasium Street, that was very popular with students.
It was a fairly common occurrence that students passed out
upon
leaving and getting to the fresh air.
Cops did not like writing Gymnasium Street, so they always
wrote Markt Street, the next street over, whether they drug the
student over there or not. Passed out students could not
remember the details anyway.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family
Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there
anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
______________________________________________________
Kei Truck Garden Contest
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Megan Karl, 33,
Scott Hil, 26,
New Scotland
New York
Parents separated from kid, after
toddler handed cops drugs when mom
was pulled over
A 3-year-old girl got her mother and a friend into hot water
during an upstate traffic stop ù when she handed a state
trooper drugs and paraphernalia, police said Monday.
The child was in the backseat of a 2000 Saturn when it was
pulled over by cops during an ôoccupant-safetyö checkpoint on
Route 32 in New Scotland just south of Albany on Thursday
afternoon, according to New York State Police.
The front-seat occupants ù 26-year-old driver Scott Hill and
the little girlÆs mom, Megan Karl, 33 ù were observed making
suspicious movements, police said. When they rolled down their
windows, cops could smell burning marijuana, police said.
As one trooper interviewed Hill, another checked on the child,
according to the troopers.
ThatÆs when the child ù who was not properly secured ù reached
under the front seat and pulled out a pouch, police said. She
opened it up to show the officer what was inside ù marijuana, a
metal marijuana grinder and a pipe, both of which had remnants
of the drug, police said.
Cops also found an ashtray in the front seat containing
marijuana cigarette butts, police said.
The drugs and paraphernalia apparently belonged to Hill,
according to police.
Hill and Karl were arrested and charged with endangering the
welfare of a child. Hill was also charged with unlawful
possession of marijuana, police said.
The girl was taken into the care of relatives, and child-
protective services was notified of the incident.
From: Susan
Re: Get knocked off-line and modem makes weird noise
Dear Webby,
Good Morning, We have been having a lot of trouble of
falling off line once we are connected to Inet. We have a
new provider so apparantly that was not the problem. When
trying to connect, I sometimes notice strange noise...I have
to shut down and restart. If the strange noise has stopped,
it will then connect. We still may get dropped and have to
reconnect. I think this is a modem problem. Do you think the
modem needs to be replaced? It has been replaced once.
Does heat have anything to do with this? (we have dial up)
Read your humor letter and vote every time I am online. I do
not trust just anyone's 'tech help' but I have never gone wrong
with yours. Thank you for any help you can give me this time.
Susan
Dear Susan
that would be either the modem re-dialing after your connection
had broken,
or
some malicious program knocking you off and then dialing a
long distance number.
Is the sound similar to when you are normally connecting?
if it sounds like a normal connecting, then reboot to get a
clean slate, then
click on START,
RUN,
then type cmd and hit Enter.
You will get a black and white DOS screen.
In there type
tracert hotmail.com
Click on EDIT, MARK, COPY, then paste that into a text file or
email.
Just save that.
Then, next time you get knocked off and the modem dials you
up with a weird noise,
do that again. If it shows a different trace route, then you
know some malicious program is connecting you to some expensive
long distance.
If it shows the same route as right after rebooting, then you
can relax.
Then it's just something interrupting your connection.
That could be anything.
When I was in the Yukon, my security system did a self-test at
01:00 and called in an "OK" to the monitoring station. That of
course knocked me off-line.
In Okotoks it was the gas meter, that phoned in the day's
results at 02:00.
Same thing. I got knocked off the net, at exactly the same time
every night.
If it happens more than once a day, ask the phone company to
check the line and find out what interrupts the connection.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going
to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they
were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore,
he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a
substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The
substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But,
you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost
twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of
you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star
Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the
regular organist!
That is from the days before the left wing media made assholes
famouos.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front
door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics
arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he
knew what caused him to faint.
"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked
me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out,
he came out with the lawn mower."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing An Extra Roll of Toilet Paper
If you do not have cabinet bathroom storage space, or it
just is not close enough to the toilet, store toilet paper
spare roll this way. Cut the bottom out of a tall square
tissue box and slip it over the top of the roll. It's both
pretty and handy, sitting on the toilet top. By Linda
If you can't find a suitable tissue box, use an empty bleach
bottle, cut the bottom 2 inches off, and decorate the bottle
with graffiti or paste cartoons or pictures on it.
You can even tie a few mark-alls on strings so that visitors
can sign or leave smart-ass remarks or wise comments. Start
with a few quotes to give them the idea.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
London's secret nuclear reactor.
|
___________________________________________________
During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule
was explained. Translated it means, "To hear the other party".
After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer
asked if anyone didn't understand the rule.
A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting
expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns
for the king. The friend had apparently done something
wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the
gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was
blown off.
Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual,
"This is good!"
To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!"and
proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that
he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals
captured himand took them to their village. They tied
his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and
bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire
to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing
a thumb.
Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was
less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him
on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded
of the event that had takenhis thumb and felt remorse
for his treatment of his friend.
He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend.
"You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb
was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all
that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for
sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this..."
"No," his friend replied, "this is good!!"
"What do you mean, 'This is good!'?? How could it be
good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?!"
"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you,
hunting!"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 12 in
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now
known as the Hudson River.
1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point was
fought in Maryland.
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers.
1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces
stopped the German offensive in France.
1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful
transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women.
They started in New York City on July 5, 1916.
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army
personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were
French-built.
1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows.
1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for
the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia.
1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The cave
paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the best
examples of art from the Paleolithic period.
1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by German
paratroopers from the Italian government that was holding him.
1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the
first time during World War II.
1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee
Bouvier.
1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of the
Communist Party of the Soviet Union.
1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show
aired on September 12, 1971.
1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in Boston,
MA due to opposition to court-ordered school "busing."
1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by
Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years.
1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died at
the age of 30. The student leader died while in police custody
which triggered an international outcry.
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had
emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier.
1991 The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to
deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone
layer.
1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael
Guzman.
1992 Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African-American
woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the space
shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist N. Jan
Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee. They were
the first married couple to fly together in space. And, Mamoru
Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly into space.
2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the
legal U.S. music download market.
2018 smiled.
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Monitor causes eye strain
Tuesday, September 11, 2018, 10:01 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 11
What were you doing when the world changed today in 2001?
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Arrested for triple murder
in Connecticut
______________________________________________________
Today, September 11 in
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in
the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip
to appear in a newspaper.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
--- William Blake (1757 - 1827)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time
playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into
focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to
his son,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by
the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was
The President of The United States."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably
led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun
blasts at some of them.
"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good
thing comes out of this drinking?"
"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider.
"It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Ruth Correa, 23,
Griswold,
Connecticut
Arrested for triple murder
in Connecticut
For more than four months, 21-year-old Matthew Lindquist was
considered a suspect in the murders of his parents, found
inside their burned-out home in Griswold, Conn., on Dec. 20.
All the time, he was lying dead 1,500 feet away, a third victim
of what police describe as a fake robbery turned real.
According to an arrest affidavit released Tuesday, Lindquist
had offered his father's guns to a man in exchange for drugs,
so long as the man staged the scene to look like a burglary.
That's not what happened. Now charged in the case, 23-year-old
Ruth Correa reportedly told police her brother, Sergio Correa,
hit Lindquist in the head with a machete after Lindquist
panicked, per the Washington Post. The siblings then stabbed
Lindquist, leaving his body in the woods near his parents'
home, which they entered through a basement door they knew to
be unlocked, per the affidavit.
When Kenneth and Janet Lindquist appeared, 26-year-old Sergio
hit Kenneth, 56, with a baseball bat while Ruth told Janet that
"her son had set her up," the affidavit states, per NBC
Connecticut. The document says Sergio then choked Janet, 61,
and hit her in the head with the bat before he and his sister
set the house alight and took off with stolen goods and Matthew
Lindquist's car, later found burned.
After reportedly telling police that her brother might be
planning to kill her, Ruth Correa was arrested on charges of
murder, home invasion, arson, and robbery on May 12, a week
after Matthew Lindquist's body was found. At the time, police
said additional arrests were expected. Sergio Correa has yet to
be charged, though. He's in police custody following a February
arrest for probation violations and "maintains he had nothing
to do with this," his lawyer tells the Hartford Courant.
From: Lucy
Re: Eye strain
Dear Webby,
I am working on a large but very important project, but lately
after half a day or so, my eyes get tired and sandy. When that
happens, I can't concentrate and all I want to do is go for a
nap. Is there a solution for that?
Lucy
Dear Lucy
First check the air currents in the room. If necessary, get a
smoker to assist you. Especially in a darkened room a
flashlight and some smoke will quickly tell you if air from
anywhere is bouncing off the monitor or keyboard into your
face and drying your eyes. If it is, deflect the air somehwre
else.
Secondly, raise the monitor or lower the chair so that you
sit in the sexy positioning like the typists before the
Libber age, chest out, back and neck straight, head
slightly raised so that a ruler placed under your chin and
pointing forward, points slightly upward, not level or down.
Your neck and head circulation will improve instantly, and
your eyes will feel a lot better.
As a fringe benefit, especially if you combine that pre-Libber
body posture with a silly grin about it, works as an anti-
depressant and mood optimizer. You will also get a lot more
compliments!
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories.
As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends,
I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals
to one pound of weight per week.
Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a
chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165
pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to
nothing about three months ago.
I owe my life to chocolate!
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church
with their three kittens.
He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother
turned around to do some work.
A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door.
She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens.
She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll
drown those kittens."
Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his
voice: "They should have thought of that before they joined my
church."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
September Home and Garden Bargains
September is a great month to get items for your home and
garden at clearance prices. Keep an eye out for seeds, plants,
planters, deck stain, outdoor grills and garden tools.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The Coconut Palace of the Philippines
|
___________________________________________________
An American is taking a train from London to Manchester. During
the trip he starts complaining about the British to the
Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"You English are too stuffy," the American says. "You think
your stiff upper lips set you above the rest of us. Look at me:
I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and
some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"
Says the Englishman dryly, "Very sporting of your mother."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized
his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him
clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber
standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any
gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore.
As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What
did you do to get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got
'em all."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 11 in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of
Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge.
1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy.
1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River.
1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks
at the Battle of Zenta.
1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the
Battle of Malplaquet.
1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended
Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige.
1776 A Peace Conference was held between British General Howe
and three representatives of the Continental Congress (Benjamin
Franklin, John Adams and Edward Rutledge). The conference
failed and the American war for independence continued for
seven more years.
1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were
forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by British
forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes (American
flag) were carried for the first time in the battle.
1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in the
Battle of Lake Champlain, VT.
1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The
Mexicans retreated with prisoners.
1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and
Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the Russian
Black fleet in the Crimean War.
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in the
New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip to
appear in a newspaper.
1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by the
Waterbury Clock Company.
1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new
device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY.
1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV, and
Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour workday,
semi-monthly pay, and company stores were abolished.
1904 The U.S. battleship Connecticut was launched in New York.
1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful electric
bus line opened.
1926 In Honolulu Harbor, HI, the Aloha Tower was dedicated.
1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President
Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first
hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to attack
any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive waters.
The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at this time.
1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism
with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish and
the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United
States into World War II.
1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Pentagon took place.
1951 Florence Chadwick became the first woman to swim the
English Channel from both directions.
1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased
aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic.
1954 The Miss America beauty pageant made its network TV debut
on ABC. Miss California, Lee Ann Meriwether, was the winner.
1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation
of food stamps.
1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South
Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe.
1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television debut.
1977 The Atari 2600 was released. It was originally sold as the
Atari VCS. The system was discontinued on January 1, 1992.
1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the Giacobini-
Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot sampling of a comet.
1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that
thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba.
1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 290
years of rule by England.
1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the
U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible
impeachable offenses.
2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were
intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade
Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY.
One airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another
airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000
people were killed.
2012 Terrorists attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya.
Ambassador Stevens and four other Americans were brutally
murdered and ten others were injured.
2018 smiled.
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Monday, September 10, 2018, 06:15 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 10
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman Facing Criminal
Charges For Ruff Sex
______________________________________________________
Today, September 10 in
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
--- Alfred E. Newman, Hillary
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a
newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged
Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but
was used to the infusion of French words into the local
vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
From when I was filling in for Stormy and her supposedly
daily animal stories:
One time a summer storm got a bit carried away and tree
branches and pine cones and squirrels and pieces of bark
and who knows what were flying along horizontally. Luckily
my workshop was sheltered bythe garage on the windy side
and all the windows were on the safe sides.
I watched how the dogs were coping with it. Most were lying
down in their favorite naptime configurations, except Dora.
She stood there, facing the wind, snapping at pine cones
and whatever flew by. Then she actually caught a squirrel!
Either she or the squirrel must have made a certain noise,
because instantly all the other dogs were on their feet and
playing the same game, catching wind-blown stuff, and having
a great time.
It only lasted about a few minutes, then the wind slowed
down.
The dogs all turned to look down to the workshop and giving
short barks, as if they were trying to coax me to turn the
wind on again.
______________________________________________________
North Korean Military Parade last week, the first one since
the Trump meeting, showed no more nukes, no more
Intercontinental missiles, but more military women in mini
skirts showing off trim legs, and medals.
They are rubbing it in to Trump, that THEY can afford a
parade and no Democrat mayor is going to stop them.
They have camps for mayors like that.
They still showed impressive numbers of tanks and artillery,
but most impressive were the legions of women in mini skirts.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Ashley Miller,
18,
Bradenton,
Florida
Florida Woman Facing Criminal
Charges For Ruff Sex
A Florida woman has been charged with engaging in sexual
activity with her pit bull, according to cops who found
photos of the canine encounters stored on the suspect’s cell
phone.
In the course of an investigation into the transmission of
harmful material to a minor, police earlier this month
searched the phone of Ashley Miller, an 18-year-old Bradenton
resident, according to an arrest warrant affidavit.
In a folder titled "2-face fun," investigators found 17
photos of a "canine performing oral sex on an unknown white
female." In a subsequent interview with cops, Miller
acknowledged she was the woman in the photos and that she was
being licked by her dog "2-face."
Miller said that the female dog, which she has owned since
2006, has "licked her vagina on approximately 30 to 40
occasions" police reported. Miller further explained that she
"would call 2-face into her room, take her pants off, open
her legs and 2-face would lick her vagina." She added that a
prior dog, named "Scarface", also licked her on a similar
number of occasions.
Seen in the above mug shot, Miller was arrested Friday and
charged with two misdemeanor counts of sexual activities
involving animals.
Miller was freed from jail Saturday after posting $1000 bond.
From: Pam
Re: Export Chrome bookmarks
Dear Webby,
How do I back up the Chrome Bookmarks?
All the info I can find is obsolete and does not work with
current versions of Chrome.
Pam
Dear Pam
Ctrl SHift o
Hit the 3 dots in the right top of the Bookmark Page,
not the browser page.
Now it acts as if it is in a snit because you are using
forbidden shortcuts and makes you wait.
Eventually, it brings up the Save page, suggesting that you
save it to some Windows typical and very forgettable
location. Change that to a place you can find easily.
You can even select your USB Key-fob.
For the file name, it suggests something like
bookmarks_9_9_18.html
That is nicely descriptive. The Windows lady must have been
on maternity leave when they programmed that!
If you have another computer networked, and have a directory
there with permissions for you to save to it, you can save it
to there.
Then you can IMPORT the bookmarks to that computer.
You can, of course do that too by sticking your USB key fob
drive into the other machine. Saves you messing with
permissions.
If you don't have a keyfob USB drive for a "Sneaker Net", you
can save the bookmarks onto a camera chip. It doesn't take
much room. Mine is 265 KB, the equivalent of a very small
picture.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a service
company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane to the
bizarre.
One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a
man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet,
his computer would reboot.
It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water
supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he
flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the
electric power, which in turn would cause his computer
to restart itself.
I recommended a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply), just a
cheap one with 5 minutes capacity. Actually, even the ones
built into some overpriced power bars promise that, but don't
deliver that outside of the store.
For stuff like that you need one that has a motorcycle
battery or a drone battery pack. The motorcycle battery is
usually much cheaper, and will give you plenty of time for a
proper shut-down if the lights go out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Woman comes home and tells her husband, the local minister:
"Remember those headaches I've been having all these years?
Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and
repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I
do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all
gone."
Well, that is wonderful" Said the husband.
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a
ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't
you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for
that?"
The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off
his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the
bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll
be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later
and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like
never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two
was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the
bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife!"
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save All The Receipts
Save all the receipts from back to school shopping so you
can return items that turn out to not be needed. Also, your
child may decide they want to wear a different style clothes
after school starts, keep tags and receipts so unwanted
(and unused) items can be returned.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| Coral Castle is the Stonehenge of Florida.
|
___________________________________________________
This is an oldie. I ran it before. Let's see if you can do
better this time!
Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the
paragraph below without the aid of your bible? (One minister
found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to
find the last one.)
I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible.
It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts... and
for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam,
especially since the names of the books were not capitalized.
But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers.
To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most
fascinating few moments for you.
Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may
require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually
takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be loud
lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews
a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you
can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names
of books of the Bible in this paragraph.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land.
600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please
instruct!"
Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after
me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 10 in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council.
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison.
1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange.
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI.
1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S.
1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I.
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain-
en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia.
1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit.
1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations.
1926 Germany joined the League of Nations.
1939 Canada declared war on Germany.
1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb.
1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort.
1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II.
1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in
Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during
World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison.
1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran.
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner."
1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS.
1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,
Australia.
1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace.
1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto
Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on
the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted
assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950.
1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town
of Guernica.
1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany.
1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq.
1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf
War Crisis.
1998 Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots,
ending a nearly two-week walkout.
1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high
was dedicated in Milan, Italy.
2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines.
2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American
History.
2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United
Nations.
2018 smiled.
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Sunday, September 9, 2018, 11:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 9
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to
help man who had been hired to kill him
______________________________________________________
Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere,
may be happy.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two poets, who had been bitter rivals, met each other on a
street corner. Naturally the old rivalry resumed itself.
"You know, " said the first poet,
"since we last met, my readership has increased!"
"Oh congratulations!" the second poet replied.
"I didn't know you got married!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr Cohen, a confirmed
bachelor for many years.
"Mr Cohen, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the
one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll
meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr Cohen, "I've two sisters at
home, who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the
world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters!"
______________________________________________________
Langkawi Sky Bridge, Malaysia
Hovering 400 feet above the ground the sky bridge has closed
multiple times for maintenance but is now fully accessible to
the public.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28,
Benjamin Bascom, 24,
Melissa Rios Roque,
Deltona,
Florida
Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to
help man who had been hired to kill him
The killing of Carlos Cruz-Echevarria, a 60-year-old Army
veteran, seemed random at first. But authorities now say it
was all too deliberate.
The body of Cruz-Echevarria was found Nov. 11—Veterans
Day—near a disabled, stolen car on the side of a Deltona,
Fla., road, the Orlando Sentinel reports. He had been shot in
the head multiple times. His own truck was gone, later
discovered burned some 30 miles away.
This week, authorities arrested three suspects in the
killing, which they now believe is connected to a murder-for-
hire plot hatched to keep Cruz-Echevarria from testifying in
a road rage case. Six months before he was murdered, Cruz-
Echevarria honked at a vehicle that didn’t move when a
traffic signal turned green. The driver of the other
car—later identified as Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28—caught up
with Cruz-Echevarria and brandished a gun.
Cruz-Echevarria got McFoley’s license plate number and later
identified him in a police photo lineup. With a record that
included 29 felony charges, per the AP, McFoley was facing
serious prison time. He discovered Cruz-Echevarria’s address
on a court document and, authorities say, hired Benjamin
Bascom, 24, to kill the man before his Dec. 7 deposition.
Driving around the area near Cruz-Echevarria’s home,
authorities say, Bascom’s vehicle got stuck in a ditch. Cruz-
Echevarria pulled up to help, and Bascom shot him in the
head.
The case went unsolved for months, and the road rage charges
against McFoley were dropped. Later, though, investigators
used DNA evidence and phone records to link McFoley, Bascom,
and McFoley’s girlfriend, Melissa Rios Roque, to the slaying
of Cruz-Echevarria.
All three face first-degree murder charges, and after many
years of court battles, will be eligible for the death
penalty.
From: Hilla
Re: Editor program
Dear Webby,
I need a plain text editor to edit and annotate text and
simple HTML, that I can thenpaste into other programs or use
as is.
Thanks
Hilla
Dear Hilla
I use NoteTab from http://notetab.com
You can have dozens of documents open and shown in tabs, like
the browsers do too nowadays. You can copy/paste between the
documents, and to and from it's own Clipboard, and copy into
spreadsheets or Writer or WORD documents, or upload as web
pages.
You can even save a web page, convert it to plain text, and
use that for your purposes.
It has, of course all the frills expected today like spell
check, Find, Replace, Wordwrap on/off, and hundreds of other
things.
I have used NoteTab since 1997 for writing the Humor letter,
and still occasionally find handy tools in it, that I have
never needed before.
I can highly recommend NoteTab!
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little
children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-
off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or
thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or whatever else you
could imagine a small child commenting on and complaining
about.
Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the
children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them
to go play outside.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Sandie for this:
When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood
pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained
some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be
complicated and it would solve my physical problems.
He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright
colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc."
So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms
onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better!
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
The Night Before School Starts
The reporter met the plane that brought back soldiers
from their year in Iraq. He wanted to write a human
interest story, and asked one soldier,
"What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?"
The soldier immediately replied, "Spend an hour in
bed with my wife."
The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and
asked, "Oh. Well, and what will you do after that ?"
"Take off these stupid combat boots!"
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
Sinister Sparkle Gallery: 13 Mysterious & Cursed Gemstones
|
___________________________________________________
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park
said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks.
Wherever did they come from?"
"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.
"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson.
She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for
church.
"Put whichever one you want in the collection plate
and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl.
When they were coming out of the church, the mother
asked her daughter which amount she had given.
"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give
the dollar, but just before the collection the man
in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful
givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave
the quarter, so I did."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.
1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term
"United States", replacing the previous term "United
Colonies."
1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York.
1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa.
1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men.
1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record.
1942 Japan dropped incendiaries in an attempt to set fire to
the forests in Oregon and Washington. The forests were wet
and did not ignite.
1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and
Salerno.
1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of
Korea.
1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France
was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the
U.S. in the organization.
1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL).
1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes.
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an
error.
1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later.
1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations
employee.
1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other.
1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees.
1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day
mission.
1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's
future.
1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of
U.S. President Clinton.
1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland.
1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications
downloaded.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications
downloaded.
2014 Apple unveiled the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Watch,
Apple Watch Sport and Apple Watch Edition.
2018 smiled.
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Saturday, September 8, 2018, 12:51 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 8
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded
that his terrified pregnant girlfriend
wire £80 ransom from HIS OWN account to
his buddy, so he could get drunk with him.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up
somewhere else.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever
heard a joke about a father-in-law?
--- Dick Clark
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
--- G. K. Chesterton
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war
and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say
you're opposed to war?"
Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked,
"Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?"
A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised
his hand.
"Johnny?" the teacher said.
"I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history,
and I hate History!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Today in 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal
Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the
revolving doors.
They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking
everyone, sheepishly left the building.
A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention
of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When
they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at
them, convinced that it was a practical joke.
Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the
floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their
getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.
______________________________________________________
Just fishing, right?
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Leigh Ford, 45,
Zoe Doyle,
Blackpool
Britain
Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded
that his terrified pregnant girlfriend
wire £80 ransom from HIS OWN account to
his buddy, so he could get drunk with him.
His girlfriend earned a bonehead award too, for forgiving him.
Leigh Ford told his partner Zoe Doyle his kidnappers had
threatened to break his legs, cut off his genitals and throw
boiling water over him
Leigh Ford’s partner Zoe Doyle said she had been left frantic
after receiving a call demanding ransom money
The alleged kidnap sparked a major 24-hour police operation
costing £30,000 that eventually saw Ford’s claims fall to
pieces after CCTV footage showed him leaving a shop with two
friends carrying booze.
But incredibly, partner Zoe Doyle has forgiven Ford for the
cruel hoax that saw him jailed for 16 weeks in February and
miss the birth of their child.
The 35-year-old, from Blackpool, said: “At first, I just
thought he was winding me up. But he sounded really scared. The
phone went dead and then it rang again. I could hear men
shouting in the background, threatening to break Leigh’s legs
and throw boiling water over him.
“They were threatening to mutilate him, cut off his genitals,
and I was panic-stricken.”
Zoe, who was 35 weeks pregnant at the time, said: “Leigh was
screaming, begging me to pay their ransom. I told him I would
send everything I had in the bank, over to the account they
gave me.”
Zoe transferred £80 – all she had – into the designated account
before calling police.
A helicopter and trained negotiator was called in to deal with
the situation that lasted through the night.
It wasn’t until the early hours of the following day in January
this year that Ford himself came home – and was immediately
arrested, questioned and charged with wasting police time.
Zoe said: “He appeared in court the following day and I was
stunned when I heard the truth. I just couldn’t believe that
Leigh would do that. He had wasted all those police resources.
He had put me through hell.
“The silly thing was, it was his own money. He could have spent
it if he had wanted. It just didn’t make sense.
“Leigh was full of apologies, he said his friends had put him
up to it and he had thought it was a prank that wouldn’t go as
far as it did. He’d had a few drinks and he got carried away.
“I was absolutely furious. I felt like strangling him. He had
caused so much stress and worry and it was all for nothing.”
Ford, 45, admitted wasting police time and collapsed in the
dock at Blackpool Magistrates’ Court as he was jailed for 16
weeks in February.
But incredibly, Zoe has since forgiven her partner.
She said: “He was a total idiot. I’ve made that clear to him.
But it was one-off and our relationship is otherwise very
strong. I know Leigh loves me and he has done his best to make
things up to me.
From: Olga
Re: Alternative to Bookmarks or Favorites
Dear Webby,
Is there a way to tag your favorites (bookmarks) so that
the regularly used ones stay on top and don't get shuffled
in with new ones?
Thanks
Olga
Dear Olga
There are dozens of bookmark managers available. Most are a
total waste of time.
Most of them have way too many features, that you will never
understand or use.
Two popular ones are deactivated:
http://www.xmarks.com/
https://del.icio.us/
Here is one, that you might like:
http://deweyapp.io/
Dewey is one of the very few, that will actually use your
17 Million old bookmarks.
You can sort them by date, title, or URL.
The most recently used ones are on top if you sort by date.
It takes a bit of getting used to, like all of them, but you
will soon find it handy.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament
and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your
handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that
she was paired up with her.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad
ones!
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Billy for this story:
I was the last to leave the office one Friday
evening and managed to lock myself out without
my overcoat and wallet.
Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking
an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard
the seam of my suit trousers rip apart.
About then I realized I needed a screwdriver
to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud.
Seconds later the elevator doors next to my
office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the
middle of the floor.
There was a crackle from the wall speaker next
to the elevator. "This is security," said a voice.
"There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't
have a needle or thread for your pants!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
The Night Before School Starts
On the night before school, have your child lay his or her
clothing out, have lunches and backpacks packed and a quick
and easy to prepare breakfast on hand for the morning. Make
sure your kids set their alarm clocks and establish an
"out the door time".
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| ACat Pictures and Cat Care Resources
|
___________________________________________________
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy,
and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he
had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of
blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder
muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and,
with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms
straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he
could.
After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound
potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100
pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out
for more than a full minute!
Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my
very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a
telephone poll."
The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL.
1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who
then renamed it New York.
1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in
Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell.
1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the
Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on
September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.
1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana
politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days
later.
1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio was
put into service for the first time.
1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She was
the first Jewish contestant to win the title.
1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations
in San Francisco, CA.
1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, was
dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The facility
had been activated in July earlier that year.
1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to
former U.S. President Nixon.
1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered
citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence.
1997 America Online acquired CompuServe.
1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space
station's central computer and other systems to save energy
during a planned six months of unmanned flights.
2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger
version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from the
Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had been
found by ground penetrating radar.
2018 smiled.
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Are LED light bulbs a scam?
Friday, September 7, 2018, 08:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found
Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom
______________________________________________________
Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I
at the battle of Borodino.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Science has proof without any certainty.
Creationists have certainty without any proof.
--- Ashley Montague
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever
as effective as a rightly timed pause.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
I WAS in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped
into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with
groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come
forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six
items would you like to buy?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
I WAS WAITING in line at my county clerk's office one
afternoon and noticed a hand-lettered sign that read: "Any
child left unattended will be given a free kitten and a large
candy bar."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jonathan Emmanuel Ward,
21,
Fontana,
California
Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found
Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom
Police on Tuesday said they were searching for possible
additional victims of a man accused of entering a Fontana home
and masturbating in a 13-year-old girl's bedroom.
Officers responded to the 14100 block of Stanislaus Court last
Thursday after a resident called around 2:42 a.m. to report a
male intruder in her home, according to a Fontana Police
Department news release.
The woman told police that a naked man went into her teen
daughter's bedroom and started masturbating while she slept,
the release stated.
The victim woke up to find the man hovering over her and
screamed, causing the suspect to flee, according to police. He
ran from the girl's room, down the stairs and left the home.
Officers arrived at the home within minutes, but the man was
gone by then.
However, they were able to obtain surveillance video from the
residence that showed the naked man inside. At one point, he
"looked directly into the camera and placed his finger over his
lips as if signaling to be quiet," the release said, describing
what some of the footage showed.
Detectives quickly identified the suspect as 21-year-old
Jonathan Emmanuel Ward of Fontana. He was arrested at his home
in the 7000 block of Nebraska Street later that same day,
authorities said.
When detectives interviewed Ward, they identified other
potential victims -- and believe there could be others who
haven't contacted police yet, according to the release.
Ward possibly focused on a dance studio in the Inland Empire,
though they did not give the name or area where it was located.
He allegedly "became infatuated with several young girls" at
the studio, police said.
The suspect is accused of targeting girls through social media,
using photos posted to their accounts to figure out where they
lived.
"Ward would often enter the rear yards of the victim’s
residence and on occasion, enter their homes when he would find
an unlocked door," the release stated.
He was booked into the West Valley Detention Center on
suspicion of burglary, child annoyance and indecent exposure,
according to inmate records.
Because of a similar arrest last year in Fontana, a $1 million
bail enhancement was issued.
Police have scheduled a news conference for Wednesday morning
where they are expected to release images and video of the
suspect as they try to locate other possible victims.
From: Edoard
Re: Lights
Dear Webby,
Not a web question, Sorry!
What's the story about the LED lightbulbs?
I am disenchanted with the pig tail fluorescents, that were
promised to last 25 years. On my porch motion detector light,
they last a year, max. And in cold weather they take forever to
light up.
Now they promise 25 years for the LED lightbulbs.
And they are almost as expensive as the pig-tail lights were
initially.
Same BS?
Edoard
Dear Edoard
The BS is the same. They are just re-using the same old
propaganda, without having a clue about it.
However, the good news are that the LED lights don't mind -40
at my front door, they turn on instantly when a deer or a
magpie trigger the motion detector, and have been working
steadily for over 2 years.
One got smashed by horizontal golf ball size hail a couple of
years ago, but that hail would have smashed any kind of
lightbulb. If you put them into a jam-jar fixture, then they
should survive horizontal hail quite nicely.
So far I am quite impressed with the LED lighbulbs and use them
to replace any bulb that burns out.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
SO MUCH FOR PEACE OF MIND
Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to
a gated community.
Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop
for a delivery.
"I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said,
then gave him the address of our condominium.
"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other
end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A truck driver was having lunch at a truck stop when 8
motorcyclists came in.
They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made
no move to object.
After he left one of the group laughed and said,
"He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window
said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran
over 8 motorcycles!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Check Around Your Home's Foundation
Check the grading around your house to make sure the ground
is sloping away from your house and no plants or dirt is in
contact with your siding. Inspect and patch any cracks in your
foundation.
Remove mildew with a solution of 1 part chlorine bleach to 3
parts water.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
|
___________________________________________________
A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their
teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all
questions.
First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
He responded, "It goes moo."
The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
Alice replied, "It goes meow."
Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Her response was, "It goes baa."
Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound
does a mouse make?"
She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Classic! This used to be an all too common service call:
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently
need to print a document, but the computer won't boot
properly."
DearWebby: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
DearWebby: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's
an intel inside. How do I get that one out? "
____________________________________________________
Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at the
battle of Borodino.
1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic
reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an
editorial in the New York's Troy Post.
1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal.
1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device that
threw clay pigeons for trapshooters.
1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed in
an incubator.
1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a
racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI.
1901 China and the Eight-Nation Alliance signed the Boxer
Protocol ending the Boxer Rebellion (Boxer Uprising, Yihequan
Movement).
1915 Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann doll.
(U.S. Patent D47789)
1921 Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the first
Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ.
1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image
through purely electronic means by using an image dissector.
1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the
comic strips.
1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi
Germany during World War II.
1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked the
German troops outside the city of Stalingrad.
1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time on
CBS-TV.
1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President
Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties called
for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's waterway to
Panama in the year 2000.
1979 ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network,
made its debut on cable TV.
1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment
that banned abortion.
1984 American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum
charge cards.
1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination
attempt made by guerrillas.
1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead
the Anglican Church in southern Africa.
1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of state
to visit West Germany.
1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that
prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in
employment, public accommodations, transportation and
communications.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, September 6, 2018, 01:00 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 6
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck,
then jumps into ocean to sober up,
arrested with .214 and booze in truck
______________________________________________________
Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England
to settle in the New World.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior
to all other countries because you were born in it.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you
commit atrocities.
[info][add][mail][note]Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ross for this story:
Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a
quandary about how to deal with it.
Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic.
You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is
quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to
hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late.
I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they
say if you came in late there?"
They said, "Good morning, General."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy
clothes was overheard telling a friend,
"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my
parents from dragging me everywhere with them."
______________________________________________________
Big fish, or small submarine?
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Nicholas Tralka, 31,
Duck Key,
Florida
Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck,
then jumps into ocean to sober up,
arrested with .214 and booze in truck
A drunken man led Monroe County sheriff's deputies on a high-
speed chase early Sunday, eventually crashing his pickup truck
into the entrance sign for Duck Key and jumping into the ocean,
authorities said.
Deputies on a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission
boat whisked him from the water, but not before the man tried
to elude authorities by hiding under a bridge, clinging to a
piling, said Adam Linhardt, a spokesman for the Monroe County
Sheriff's Department.
After his rescue, he reportedly told deputies that the
morning's events would make for "a great story" to tell his
friends and family.
Nicholas Tralka, 31, faces a number of charges, including
driving while under the influence, causing property damage and
resisting arrest.
Linhardt said a deputy saw a pickup truck leave a bar along the
Overseas Highway in Marathon at a high rate of speed just
before 4 a.m. Before the deputy could attempt a traffic stop,
Tralka slammed into a concrete median and kept going, Linhardt
said. Deputies gave chase as Tralka reached speeds of more than
100 mph and swerved erratically across the northbound lanes of
the Overseas Highway, Linhardt said.
Deputies deployed tire spikes near mile marker 60.5 to stop the
truck, but Tralka kept driving eventually crashing into a light
pole and a palm tree and finally rolling into the Duck Key
entrance sign, Linhardt said. When the truck finally came to a
stop, Tralka bailed out of the vehicle and jumped over a nearby
seawall, according to the arrest report.
Deputies repeatedly called out for Tralka to stop, but he kept
swimming toward Toms Harbor Channel Bridge, where he hid from
authorities for about 30 minutes, the report said. A fisherman
alerted deputies that Tralka was under the bridge, staying
afloat by holding onto piling, the report said.
Tralka eventually surrendered and was pulled aboard the FWC
boat by Key Colony Beach police officers, the report said.
A search of Tralka's truck found three empty 100 milliliter
bottles of Fireball whiskey along with a full one, Linhardt
said.
Tralka told deputies that he had been drinking and got scared.
"I f***ed up. I'm sorry," he told deputies, according to the
arrest report. Deputies said Tralka would alternate between
apologizing and bragging about his high-speed antics, the
report said.
Once arrested, Tralka resisted taking a blood alcohol test,
saying "I'm already going to jail, so why?" the report said.
When deputies tested Tralka's blood alcohol level, it was .214
-- more than double the legal limit of .08.
From: Irene
Re: 65,000 Search Engines
Dear Webby,
I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about
submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129.
Is that a good deal?
Irene
Dear Irene
How many different search engines do you use? One? Two?
How many different search engines do your clients use?
Search for example for recognize a spoof on
Google, Bing, MSN, Yahoo.
They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there
is no need to check any other search engines.
In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore
submissions, especially from paid submission services.
If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic
and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site
to that one.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding
Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time,
did you ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the
husband replied.
"Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily
ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc.
It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give
you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organize Your Sandwich Fixings
Try keeping most of your sandwich making items in a plastic
basket in your refrigerator. Not only does this save multiple
trips to and from opening the door each time but your kids
won't require much help at snack time! By Melody
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
|
___________________________________________________
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily
bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to
take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the
top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of
the track.
I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it
out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we
went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said.
By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a
third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get
a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked
the visitor.
"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
An office technician got a call from a computer user.
The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She
described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer
needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and
I'll fix it for you."
About ten minutes later she showed up at his door... with the
electrical cord in her right hand.
____________________________________________________
Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England
to settle in the New World.
1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe.
It had been in use for centuries, but never patented.
1837 The Oberlin Collegiate Institute of Ohio went co-
educational.
1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San
Francisco was completed.
1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk.
1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally
wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. Czolgosz,
an American anarchist, was executed the following October.
1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had
reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months
earlier.
1939 South Africa declared war on Germany.
1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the
Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only
applied to Jews over the age of 6.
1944 At the end of World War II, the British government relaxed
blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for the
Home Guard.
1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned.
1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting.
1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in
New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament.
1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country without
permission would be put in prison for life.
1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the
independence of the Baltic states.
1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second
largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the Great.
The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to Leningrad
(1924).
1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a
transplanted baboon liver.
1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they were
merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the following
December.
1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate
Ethics Committee.
2008 The Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) announced that
Fannie Mae (Federal National Mortgage Association) and Freddie
Mac (Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation) would be placed in
government conservatorship.
2018 smiled.
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Can Google Earth be put onto the second drive?
Wednesday, September 5, 2018, 10:30 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 5
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Orlando man arrested for shooting up home
after woman left negative restaurant review
______________________________________________________
Today, September 5 in
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British
and French fought for six days killing half a million people.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
--- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - )
There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid
the labor of thinking.
--- Thomas A. Edison
A man can be happy with any woman
as long as he does not love her.
--- Oscar Wilde
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic:
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest
and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, “My son, after an
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?”
So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man
and experienced in this matter.
He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.
Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate
authority: a man of thousands of year’s tradition and
knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states,
“My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when
so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work,
my wife would have the maid do it."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.
"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.
"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"
"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health. They are taking care
of you, aren't they?"
"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."
"Are you in any pain?" she asked.
"No, I have never had a pain in my life."
"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.
The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has
already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all
wondering where I went."
______________________________________________________
Canopy Walk, Ghana
This isn’t your average stroll through the rainforest.
Suspended 40 feet in the air, visitors literally get the
opportunity to walk through the trees! From birds to monkeys,
it’s not just the bridge that is scary! Also you can’t just
turn back and run if you get scared, the bridge is over a 1,000
feet in length!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Norman Auvil
42,
Orlando,
Florida
Orlando man arrested for shooting up home
after woman left negative restaurant review
A Florida man was arrested Thursday evening, 10 days after he
allegedly shot up a home after one of its residents complained
about an experience at a restaurant, the Orange County
Sheriff's Office said.
On Aug. 20, deputies were called to a home after Norman Auvil,
42, of Orlando -- riding in an SUV driven by Michael Johnson,
the restaurant owner's son -- shot the home three times before
Johnson drove away, according to an arrest report.
The report said one of the bullets pierced a window, narrowly
missing the head of Kenneth Walley, who was watching television
in the living room.
"I actually could feel the air from the bullet as it passed by
me," Walley said. "It missed me by about 4 inches."
On Aug. 19, Walley's wife, Diana Walley, had been denied
service at the Daybreak Diner, so their daughter, Monica
Walley, called the diner and spoke with several workers about
her mother's visit, the report said.
Monica Walley said that she left a negative review on Facebook
after her disabled mother was denied service on her birthday.
She said the restaurant workers were "unnecessarily rude."
"It's my right to be able to tell others what my experience is
and what happened and stand up for my mother," Monica Walley
said. "I think that anybody in my shoes would have done the
same thing."
According to the report, Monica Walley was unsatisfied with the
diner's response, so she launched a social media campaign
against the diner, alleging that they mistreated her mother
because of a disability.
"The social media campaign resulted in negative online reviews,
negative social media posts and harassing and angry phone calls
to the restaurant," the report said. "The restaurant's owner,
Lizabeth Johnson, later stated she felt that day that her
business was ruined as a result of the negative social media
campaign."
Apparently she did not realize that theb reviews were based on
fact.
Investigators said that Michael Johnson and his girlfriend,
Stephanie Knight, worked at the diner that they intended to
inherit someday.
The report said Knight and Michael Johnson had been driving a
2013 white Ford Flex registered to Knight's father. The SUV
matched the description of the one recorded by a surveillance
camera approaching the shooting scene, the report said.
Investigators said Michael Johnson and Jesse Martin told them
that on Aug. 20, they were drinking beer with Auvil at the home
where they all live.
Deputies said the men were angry about the damage to the
diner's reputation and the negative social media campaign, so
Martin used an internet search engine to determine Monica
Walley's identity from her Facebook post and to find her
address.
"(Michael) Johnson drove the white Ford Flex while Martin
navigated from the back passenger seat and Auvil rode in the
front passenger seat," the report said. "(Michael) Johnson
and Martin contend they drove to the Walley residence with the
intent to harm someone (via physical fight) or to cause
property damage (slashing tires or similar vandalism)."
Deputies said Auvil fired the shots when Michael Johnson
stopped outside the home. Investigators said the men tried to
dispose of the evidence after Michael Johnson drove away.
Auvil was arrested Thursday at South Bumby Avenue and Nancy
Street, near the Lake Como home where the three men live,
deputies said.
Detectives said Auvil expressed loyalty to Michael Johnson and
Knight and said he had drunk six to eight beers with his
friends while discussing the issue and before going for a ride
with Michael Johnson and Martin.
Investigators said that although Auvil wouldn't discuss his
involvement in the incident, he told them that he understands
that it "looked bad" for him.
Auvil, who was honorably discharged from the U.S. Army, said he
drinks beer "most days," investigators said.
Auvil was arrested on charges of shooting into an occupied
dwelling, shooting from a vehicle within 1,000 feet of a person
and abuse of a disabled adult.
"I didn't think anybody was crazy enough to do something like
this over something so small," Monica Walley said.
I am still testing password managers.
From: Erin
Re: Google Earth onto second drive
Dear Webby,
I trid to install Google-Earth onto my second hard drive,
but it insists on going to my C: drive, where I don't have
enough space. Is there a way around that bug?
Erin
Dear Erin
Unfortunately, there isn't.
The blithering moron who wrote the Google-Pack installer
seems to be ignorant of the fact that 52% of computer
uers have more than one hard drive.
It seems that Google-Earth has been designated as a program
for small children, and the install program has been simplified
accordingly. They claim that they need to install your user
name and prefereces in the registry and can't do that if the
program is anywhere except on the C: drive.
They do that fine with Gmail, but seem to refuse doing it with
Google Earth. That is a pity, because I do like Google Earth.
Grown-ups and advanced users have to get a second computer
with enough space on the C: drive to install Google-Earth
there.
Yeah, I know it's rather dumb, but you can't argue with Google.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though they were a very large
mammal, their throat was very small. The little girl stated
Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human;
it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Bob for this report:
I attended Palm Beach Atlantic College in Florida. It's only
about a mile from the ocean, so students frequently go to
the beach, even between classes. One day I was meeting with
our dean, when he stopped me in the middle of our conversation
and asked if I was an "A" student.
Puzzled, I replied, "Mostly, why do you ask?"
"You don't have a tan," he explained. "Around here, the darker
the tan, the lower the grade."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Selling Clothing at Garage Sales
To get the most money for your clothing items, makes sure
to wash and fold them so they look their best. Lay folded
clothing out on a table so people don't have dig through
your bags or a big pile. Display dresses and jackets by
using hangers.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
|
___________________________________________________
>From Stormy
BRIDE GOES SPLASH
What a beautiful wedding! Everything had been perfect.
The wedding had taken place on a white sandy beach
with a lake as the backdrop. It was time to take photo's
The groom was a shy man who had arrived from
overseas a few months ago. He had courted his bride
until she finally said yes to his pleas of marriage. His
family was a bit reserved as he didn't know the girl
that well. However, today all was well.
The bride decided she wanted to have her and her
new husbands photo taken on the dock, leading out
into the lake. They were posed, the groom leaned in
for a kiss, over tumbled the bride, splat, into the lake.
My Irishwolfhound jumped right in after her. The groom
was screaming in his own language. My dog was
having a horrid time trying to find the bride in the
ballooning poufs of her white gown. He got to her
head, grabbed on to her veil to swim to shore.
Dead silence. My dog had taken her veil all right,
along with a long blonde wig she wore. Her new
husband along with all his relatives got a good
look at what he had married. Short, stubby grey
hair. It was bedlam, it was hilarious.
My dog brought his prize to me, he was praised
well. Someone else had jumped in and brought
the sobbing bride to shore. It didn't end well.
There wasn't going to be a honeymoon.
The foolish groom had fallen in love, not so much
with the lady, but her pretty blonde hair. Someone
tied the wig and the veil to my dog's head. The poor
groom was led away crying. All for blonde curls.
Stormy
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for
men.
Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and
he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the
game. What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did
you hit the ball into that lake?"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 5 in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards.
1774 The first session of the U.S. Continental Congress
convened in Philadelphia. The delegates drafted a declaration
of rights and grievances, organized the Continental
Association, and elected Peyton Randolph as the first president
of the Continental Congress.
1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National
Convention enacted measures to repress the French Revolutionary
activities.
1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the
Republic of Texas.
1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a
U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a
jail cell.
1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for
the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in
Michigan.
1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be
manufactured in the U.S.
1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad.
1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan to
end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated by U.S.
President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire.
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people.
1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on
International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The
raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within the
labor organization.
1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive
from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City all
in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 Ford Model
A.
1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II.
1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected
of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She
served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford.
1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in
Raleigh, NC.
1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was "The
Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC.
1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the
first time in the U.S.
1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in
light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy.
Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
1977 The U.S. launched Voyager .
1980 The St. Gotthard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the
world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long.
1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record
when he reached 229 mph.
1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean Air Lines jet. Reagan demanded that the
Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269
people.
1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly
magazine to use four-color process illustrations on every page.
1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden
voyage.
1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News
& World Report" for $163 million.
1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods
for the first time.
1986 NASA launched DOD-1.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War
against the West and former allies.
1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher in
the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new name
the Union of Sovereign States was taken.
1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new
agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike,
forcing GM to shift more production overseas.
1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the South
Pacific.
2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear plastic
box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of the Thames
River. He remained there until October 19 surviving only on
water.
2018 smiled.
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Tuesday, September 4, 2018, 07:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 4
>From Annie
Well, Dear Webby, I see you just couldn't break your record!Â
You said last week you have never had a Labor Day off and if
there were no Humor Letter today it would be your first.Â
Since it followed your two eye injections I thought just maybe
you might take this one off. Had to peek though...and there
you were! You deserve that ol' vote I cast today! Thanks
for the laughs and info you provide, albeit through your pain.Â
God bless those ol' eyes...real good.
Annie
Thanks, Annie!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Woman charged after attacking bus
w. car jack, trying to run over driver
______________________________________________________
Today, September 4 in
0476 romulus augustulus, the last emperor of the western roman
empire, was deposed when odoacer proclaimed himself king of
italy.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I don't know anything about music.
In my line you don't have to.
--- Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977)
With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from
blind belief in another.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money
used to be.
--- Socratex
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give
to an old lady in the park. Her mother was
touched by the child's kindness and gave her
the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother.
"But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son.
He argues and fights with her all the time.
Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist.
After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother.
"Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex."
"Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same
to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Mariana Silver, 20,
Washington, DC
Woman charged after attacking bus
w. car jack, trying to run over driver
A woman was caught on cell phone video smashing the window of
a Greyhound bus in Northeast D.C. with a car jack before
attempting to run over the bus driver with her car as he tried
to stop her from fleeing the scene.
According to D.C. police, the woman, who has been identified as
20-year-old Mariana Silver, of Northeast D.C., illegally passed
the bus in the 1800 block of Bladensburg Road and sideswiped
another driver in the process. When the driver tried to make
contact with the woman, she grew irate and an argument broke
out.
After witnessing the accident and ensuing argument, the bus
driver got involved, saying, "You're a crazy driver, you need
to get off the road," according to a police report.
That's when Silver got a bat from the trunk of her car and
started hitting the driver's side bus window before retrieving
a car jack that she used to smash the window, which is where
the cell phone video picks up.
In the video, the bus driver is seen standing in front and
jumping on the hood of her car in an attempt to keep her from
fleeing the scene. Silver then continues to drive off with the
bus driver on the hood of her car until he falls off.
She was eventually arrested later in the day. By that time
there was no dope in her car, aside from her.
From: Carol
Re: Has Roboform gone bad?
Dear Webby,
Two friends told me to get rid of Roboform.
You used to recommend it. What is the story now?
Carol
Dear Carol
Your friends are right!
The current version of RoboForm is extremely toxic and leads to
VERY VERY bad language.
Try to export all your passwords to a civilized password
manager NOW!
RFN! RIGHT Farting NOW!!!
Due to utter and complete moron malfunction Roboform is now
using a Master Password, that they expect you to memorize.
DUH!! What is a password manager for? Apparently nobody
'splained that to the @#$%^^& morons.
Then they demand that the password be totally complicated and
impossible to remember.
And finally, in about a month, Roboform forgets or changes the
Master Password.
Due to their total moron malfunction there is no way to
retrieve the Master Password.
RoboForm has sent all your 1800 differfent passwords to hell,
irretrievably.
Many of those 1800 passwords are probably obsolete, but all the
currently used ones are destroyed too.
Roboform support is absolutely useless. They just tell you that
you had been told to remember that impossible to remember
Master Password.
I even asked my friend and mentor Jerome in Idaho. You may
remember how I occasionally, if somebody had a really tricky
problem, that I could not solve, sent them to Jerome.
Well, it turns out that Jerome was cussing too and loading his
big gun.
So I searched and tested the available password managers.
I am still testing.
Roboform is out.
Dashlane is out. Same brain-dead concept.
I will keep testing until I find a password manager that I can
recommend.
In the meantime, try to back up your passwords, and if
possible, export them to a CSV file at a place, that you can
find again. You will need it to import your passwords when I
finde one, that is worth the hassle.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an
attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and
and flattering him outrageously. He liked the young lady,
but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent
pitch. He was really amazed when after 30 minutes she
seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can
you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5
years I've been working in the back office at the bank where
you have your account. I know all I ned to know about you."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity
to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and
said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the
big city.
After the first week his mother called to see how her boy
was holding up.
"I love it here Mother," Shamus told her, "but these English
students are the oddest people ever! Why the boy who lives
in the dormitory room next to me bangs his head against the
wall until midnight every night. And the boy in the room
above me stomps around until midnight every night. And the
boy right below me blasts his stereo until midnight every
night."
"Why don't you complain to the Dean of students?" asks his
mother.
"Well, it doesn't bother me much," answers Shamus. "I'm
usually up until that time quietly practising my bagpipes
anyway."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bring Your Own Beverages
If you are in the habit of purchasing beverages or snacks
from vending machines at work or school, consider buying
cases of drinks and snacks so you can bring your own.
Vending machines usually charge double what grocery
stores do.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Some of the best of People Are wesome! |
___________________________________________________
Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we
come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -
chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest
hunters on earth!
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few
hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an
old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish
in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver,
"Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?"
The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand
times, but this is the first time, ever,
in the passive pluperfect subjunctive."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 4 in
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman
Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of
Italy.
1609 British navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island
of Manhattan.
1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The
original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los
Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the
Queen of Angels."
1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel
of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the
"Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic.
1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and
became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10.
1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began
operations in New York City. It was the first display of a
practical electrical lighting system.
1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the
first self-service cafeteria in the U.S.
1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in
Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles.
1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented
his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll.
1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to
protest sweatshops.
1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK.
1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its
first fatalities in World War I.
1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL
in St. Louis, MO.
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its
maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ.
1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city of
Antwerp, Belgium.
1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health
reasons.
1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when
Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets.
1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in
the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the
Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to
New York City, NY.
1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval
Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little
Rock's Central High School.
1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car
was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only
two years.
1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It
ran for 98 shows.
1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview
that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while
visiting Vietnam in 1965.
1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal
in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz
was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals.
1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops
on the Polish border.
1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American
plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean
Air Lines flight that was shot down.
1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for
the victims of the riot in Soweto.
1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's
Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites
into space between 1964 and 1989.
1993 Pope John Paul II started his first visit to the former
Soviet Union.
1993 Jim Abbott (New York Yankees) pitched a no-hitter. Abbott
had been born without a right hand.
1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in
Beijing. There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in
attendance.
1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and
mortgages.
1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million
loan for the Ukraine.
1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company.
1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words
"I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica
Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible.
1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East
Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia
in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian
militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings,
blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities.
2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to
reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji.
2018 smiled.
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Monday, September 3, 2018, 09:54 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 3
Thank You, Wes!!!
I wonder if Pelousi or Mad Maxine will get as many Democrats
at their funeral as traitor McCain did?
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida couple built drive-thru window
at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl
______________________________________________________
Today, September 3 in
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared
war on Germany and started WWII.
Germany had invaded Poland on September 1.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes
of others.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
Let him that would move the world, first move himself."
--- Socrates
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot
summer day. Their dad wouldn't let them play in the
sprinkler because he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set
out to find a way to get wet and cool without getting into
trouble.
They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when
suddenly one of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Lets
get baptized!"
Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet
at a baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the
corner and told the pastor they wanted to get baptized.
The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes
of begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's
room and dunked them both head first into the toilet, then
sent them on their way.
The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the
whole adventure, when one of them asked the other, "Hey,
what religion are we now?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "If we were Baptists, he
would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body
like he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic, he would
have poured it on our heads from a pitcher..."
They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the
first one said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in
the toilet, I think that it means that we're 'pisscapalian."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed
in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today
is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to
explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So why is the groom wearing black?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
William Parrish Jr. ,32,
McKenzee Dobbs, 20,
Ocala,
Florida
Florida couple built drive-thru window
at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl
A Florida couple was arrested last week after they were
caught allegedly selling drugs out of a drive-thru window
they constructed out of the side of their mobile home.
William Parrish Jr. and McKenzee Dobbs of Ocala, Florida,
were arrested on August 23 after investigators raided their
mobile home following reports of four drug overdoses in the
area, WFTV reported.
Ocala Police said the couple had turned a kitchen window
into a drive-thru so customers would not have to constantly
enter and exit their home, potentially drawing unwanted
attention, WFTV reported. The house had signs directing
people where to drive and indicated whether it was open or
closed, police said.
“We were seeing some overdose incidents that were happening
in this particular area, specifically at this particular
location,” said Ocala Police Capt. Steven Cuppy. “There
[were] some heroin sales that were going on there.
Subsequently, through the investigation, we were able to
determine that product was laced with fentanyl.”
Parrish, 32, was charged with driving under the influence,
keeping a dwelling used to sell drugs, possession of drugs
with intent to sell and resisting arrest without violence,
according to Marion County Sheriff’s Office inmate records.
Dobbs, 20, has been charged with keeping a dwelling used to
sell drugs, possession of drugs with intent to sell,
possession of fentanyl and possession of fentanyl with
intent to sell, court records show.
William Parrish Sr. told WFTV his son had been “trying to
get himself straightened out” and maintained reports of
overdoses were a “lie.”
Ocala is located inland, about 66 miles west of Daytona
Beach.
From: Dani
Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs
Dear Webby,
How do I filter out crap like this?
I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up
this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually
contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :(
In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking
to somewhere else.
Here is a typical example:
===
this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your
both dead. see for yourself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQrTPGpMziX
[links to 74.132.117.201/]
===
I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them?
Dani
Dear Dani
I had to root around the restore bin to find an example.
The same 7BIT filter that I described before, also gets
this type of virus generated spam.
IF the entire header contains 7BIT, then delete, without
warning.
They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody,
except when you send me to check the restore bin.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A customer at Greenbaum's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the
proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Greenbaum, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Greenbaum
replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't
hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll
let you in on it. Fish heads.
You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the
store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he
isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Greenbaum. The customer goes
home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and
this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Greenbaum," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for
$4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for
$2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went
by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The
traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were
being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day
he called the sheriff's office and said,
"You've got to do something about all of these people
driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those drivers."
So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign
that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school
crossing sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the
sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and
called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he
asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all
right for me to put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in
order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no
more calls from the farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided
to call him.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your
sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since
then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the
phone.
The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that
farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be
something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign.
It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow
letters on bright red background were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Applying Stain To Wood
Sand wood and remove any dust before staining. A clean, used
pair pantyhose works well for applying stain to wood. The
nylon provides an even coat and doesn't leave behind any
lint. Wear rubber gloves and old clothes. It usually takes
at least two coats to get a uniform look.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
|
___________________________________________________
For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered
a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older.
You are just getting better."
Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said,
"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top
and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered that the cake read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Thanks to Sandie for this update from Florida
IT'S SO HOT and DRY IN FLORIDA.
.... the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of
the ground
.....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
.....the best parking place is determined by shade instead
of distance.
.... hot water now comes out of both taps.
.....you can make sun tea instantly.
.....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good
branding iron.
.....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel
the icy breeze.
.....you discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to
steer your car.
.....you discover that you can get sunburned through your
car window.
.....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
.....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at
7:30 a.m.
.....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get
knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
.....you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
.....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do
is pull one out and add butter. (in the garden)
.....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
.....people are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep
them from laying boiled eggs. (in the country)
.....you can't fry eggs on the tank of your bike, if they
got hard boiled in the carton on the way across the parking
lot.
.....the hot air from the Algorians provides a welcome
cooling breeze.
____________________________________________________
Today, September 3 in
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster.
1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great
Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris.
1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The
New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day.
1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive
an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH
on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared
war on Germany and started WWII.
Germany had invaded Poland on September 1.
1943 After Italy had switched sides, Italy was invaded by
the Allied forces during World War II.
1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time
after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years.
1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam
under a new constitution.
1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side
of the road and began driving on the right side.
1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The
unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of
the planet's surface.
1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the
government.
1986 Peat Marwick International and Klynveld Main Goerdeler
of the Netherlands agreed to merge and form the world’s
largest accounting firm.
1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons,
worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug
lords.
1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be
targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each
other.
1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over
the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux
became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy
the team he had once played for.
2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, August 30, 2018, 09:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 30
By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
for injections into my eyeballs. Ouch and Ouch.
Darren, a neighbor, will drive me back afterwards.
There won't be any newsletters or emails sent out on
Friday, Saturday or Sunday.
Monday is Labor Day. Come to think of it, I have NEVER in
my life had Labor Day off. Extra pay for working on Labor
Day, sure, but never had Labor Day off. So, if there is no
newsletter in your mail on Monday, I will celebrate my
first Labor Day!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial
Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates
to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies
______________________________________________________
Today, August 30 in
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New
York.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.
--- Ethel Mumford
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Well, times are changing. Twenty years ago, if I told a
woman that I wanted to google her Wiki with my Palm Pilot,
she would probably have either slapped or kissed me.
Today she'll offer to guide me in.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a
while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that bag...
"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back
and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get
all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard
backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each
time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the
bushes, right into my flower beds!
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie
through the fence, I say: $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck!
By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Paul Guadalupe Gonzales,
45
Pasadena,
Mexifornia
Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial
Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates
to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies
A man criticized as the “dine-and-dash dater” after
being accused of meeting women at restaurants across the
Los Angeles area only to leave them with the bill pleaded
not guilty to charges of theft and extortion on Monday,
prosecutors said.
Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, 45, allegedly connected with a
string of women through dating apps and websites and
invited them out to dinner between May 2016 and this April
with the intent of using them as a meal ticket, the L.A.
County District Attorney’s Office said in a release.
He arranged dates at restaurants in Pasadena, Long Beach,
Burbank and Los Angeles, where he ordered and consumed food
and drinks, then disappeared before the bill had been
paid,
the DA’s office said.
Eight women told prosecutors they’d footed the bill, one of
them under the belief that Gonzales would pay her back.
And
at least twice, the restaurant paid its own check — making
those businesses victims in the criminal complaint,
officials said.
In total, Gonzales is accused of defrauding the women of
more than $950. Expecting big city women's libbers to pay
for dinner is of course considered quite naughty!
He’s also charged with receiving hair salon services, then
leaving before paying.
Investigators obtained an arrest warrant for Gonzales on
July 3, and inmate records show he was taken into custody
Saturday, Aug. 25, in Pasadena.
He was subsequently charged with seven counts of extortion,
two counts of attempted extortion and one count of grand
theft — all felonies. He also faces two misdemeanor counts
each of defrauding an innkeeper and petty theft.
If convicted as charged, the defendant could spend up to 13
years in state prison, prosecutors said.
Gonzales is scheduled to return to court in Pasadena for a
preliminary hearing on Sept. 7.
From: Leanne
Re: hiberfil.sys
Dear Webby,
I got this huge file called hiberfil.sys, and it's
fragmented
so badly that even DisKeeper can't do anything about it.
Actually, it's the only fragmented file it shows on the C:
drive.
Is there a way to get rid of it?
Leanne
Dear Leanne
hiberfil.sys is just a snapshot of what you got open and
running, what Windows will return to when it wakes up
from hibernating.
If you get rid of, or move hiberfil.sys then Windows has
nothing to return to when you get back from lunch.
That is why DisKeeper won't touch it.
The only safe way to get rid of hiberfil.sys is to turn of
Hibernation. Go to
Control Panel
Power
Hibernation
Apply
Then reboot. The file is gone.
Now tell Diskeeper to do a defrag and snug everything up.
You will wind up with a lean and mean and fast C: drive
with zero fragments.
After that, you can turn hibernation on again.
It's a good idea to do that once or twice a year.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying
his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head
with the cast iron frying pan.
"I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name
"Marylou" written on it,"
she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week
when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog
I bet on."
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked
him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you
like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did,
I wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I
said you look fat in those pants."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shopping By The Seasons
By preparing meals with foods that are in season you can
save a lot of money. Other seasonal deals to look for are
meat sales around the holidays. Some examples are hot dogs
before the 4th of July and specialty meats like ham or
turkey for Easter,
Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
|
___________________________________________________
Supposedly a true story, but it sounds like an Urban
Legend.
A British doctor examining a young woman with abdominal
pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that
she wasn't. A later examination showed that she was
pregnant.
Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the
woman replied: I'm not, I just lie there.
When asked if she knew who the father was, with a puzzled
look she replied,
"No. Who?"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
The church next door welcomes all denominations,
but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.
____________________________________________________
Today, August 30 in
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow. The Swiss
disagreed and even put the cross bow onto their coat of
arms and flag. They soundly defeated the Empire army of
armored knights. Their tin suits were no match for cross
bows.
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New
York.
1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established
the colony of Pennsylvania in America.
1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender
the West Point fort to the British army.
1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils
near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after
nearby Mt. Burgess.
1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second
Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA.
1905 Ty Cobb made his major league batting debut with the
Detroit Tigers.
1928 The Independence of India League was established in
India.
1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last
railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the Soviet
Union.
1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation
headquarters in Japan.
1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a defense
pact.
1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened.
1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East
Germany.
1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went
into operation.
1965 Thurgood Marshall was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as
a Supreme Court justice. Marshall was the first black
justice to sit on the Supreme Court.
1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece.
1983 The space shuttle Challenger blasted off with Guion S.
Bluford Jr. aboard. He was the first black American to
travel in space.
1984 The space shuttle Discovery lifted off for the first
time. On the voyage three communications satellites were
deployed.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were
inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame.
1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its
independence.
1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper.
Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a
bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement.
1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when
the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to a
merger.
1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when
the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull
snapped.
1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for
independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result
on September 4.
2002 Conoco Inc. and Phillips Petroleum merged to create
ConocoPhillips. The new company was the third largest
integrated energy company and the second largest refining
company in the U.S.
2018 smiled.
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Underline shortcut letters
Wednesday, August 29, 2018, 08:50 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 29
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
A Kansas City woman arrested for
letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter.
______________________________________________________
Today, August 29 in
1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's
chef invented chop suey.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Never judge a book by its movie.
--- J. W. Eagan
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The gynecologist complimented the young woman on his
examination table. "Go home and tell your husband to
prepare for a baby."
"But I don't have a husband," the girl replied.
"Then, go home and tell your lover."
"But I don't have a lover. I've never had a lover!"
"In that case," the doctor sighed, "go home and tell your
mother to prepare for the second coming of Christ."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A programmer, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing
around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife
or a girlfriend.
The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no
hassles. When you get tired, you just move on."
The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a
representative; an extension of yourself at important
gatherings with influential people".
The programmer says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife
AND a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the
girlfriend; the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and
all the while you're at the office creating programs!"
______________________________________________________
Phoning and eating while driving
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Azzie Watson, 25
Independe3nce,
Missoury
A Kansas City woman arrested for
letting men rape her 2-yr-old daughter.
A Kansas City woman has been charged with
letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter.
Twenty-five-year-old Azzie Watson, of Independence, was
charged Tuesday with child abuse and endangerment. Bond is
set at $75,000. No attorney is listed for her in online
court records.
WDAF-TV reports that court documents say Watson's boyfriend
recorded Watson talking about repeatedly taking her
daughter to a house where her daughter was raped about five
times. She says on the recording that she watched.
Police were given the recording last month while responding
to a rape report at a hospital. Court documents say Watson
told detectives that what she said in the recording was a
lie because she was scared of her boyfriend.
Watson also claimed she didn't know how her daughter
contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
From Crystal
Re: Underlined shortcut letters
Dear Webby,
I have used the underlined letters in menus as short-cut
keys for ages. Now my cute but rather klutzy hubby did a
whole lot of changes and somehow disabled them. He does
not remember which of the dozens of changes he made
could have caused that. We use W7.
Help!
Crystal
Dear Crystal
Open Control Panel / Ease of Access Center / Make the
Keyboard easier to use.
This option is at the bottom of the window.
Underline keyboard shortcuts and access keys.
Checkmark that and OK out of there.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A friend mentioned tying her dog to a table leg and the dog
dragging the table. That reminded me of a similar
experience:
I will always remember one eveing in 75, when I chained two
of my sled dogs, pure-bred mutts, to the welded on eye
bolts on opposite ends of the step bumper on my Ford Pick-
up, while I went into the McRae truck stop on the Alaska
Highway to eat.
When they spotted a blackbear sauntering across the parking
lot, they both took off after it like bullets. The 3/8"
tow
chain I had used, was stronger than the "slighlty" rusty
bumper bolts, and with the bumper clattering along behind
them, they went after the bear.
The poor bear had probably never been that scared before
in it's life, and remembered how he used to climb trees as
a pup. He went up a telphone pole faster than a lineman
three minutes before quitting time.
I have been VERY choosy about what I tie dogs to ever
since.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a
positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double
negative is still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Repairing Holes in Wood
Use a mixture of wood glue and sawdust to fill holes in
wood furniture or molding. If you can use sawdust from the
same wood, or something similar, the repair will be less
noticeable when you stain it.
Be very careful in your selection of glue!
Most modern carpenter's glues will shed stain lilke butter
sheds water. Use the finest sanding dust that you can get
by sanding the back of the same wood, and make glue with
regular, unbleached flour and water. Pour or smear some
of it into the hole, then mix the rest with the sanding
dust
and tamp the mixture into the hole. Tamp it very hard and a
bit higher than the surrounding wood, and let it dry
overnight or longer. After sanding it, it will blend in
nicely, and take a stain just like real wood.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Five unusual circular buildings.
|
___________________________________________________
There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large
business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't
happy there. He wanted to go in business for himself. He
saved his money and finally had enough that he could quit
and start his own business.
About two years later, I was on vacation and was going
through the town where his business was located. I stopped
by for a visit. "Hey John, I heard that the first year is
the hardest for a new business."
"Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing
pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have
to work half a day."
"Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going
into business for myself."
"Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter
which twelve hours you work."
----------
I am not that far yet, but 18 hours is better than 20
hours!
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
>From Erin:
As I was dropping off my son at his daycare the other day,
I overheard some of the other children talking about their
siblings.
"My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one little boy.
"My sister takes gymnastics," said another.
Not to be outdone, the littlest child in the group piped
up.
"My sister takes antibiotics!"
____________________________________________________
Today, August 29 in
1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self-
regulating wagon brake.
1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle
child labor laws.
1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and
the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War and gave
the island of Hong Kong to Britain.
1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry
Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan defeated
Dominick McCaffery in six rounds.
1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's
chef invented chop suey.
1892 Pop (Billy) Shriver (Chicago Cubs) caught a ball that
was dropped from the top of the Washington Monument in
Washington, DC.
1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of
France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down
the Champs Elysees in Paris.
1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to
officially accept the surrender of the Japanese.
1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was
used for the first time to treat cancer patients.
1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a
filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours
and 18 minutes.
1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge
opened.
1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and
Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic
Ocean after eight days in space.
1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia
group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut
airport.
1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil
War, was retrieved by divers.
1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank
accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of
the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail
Gorbachev.
1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an
agreement to stay in the Soviet Union.
1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to
Somalia to guard the shipments of food.
1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a
medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of
his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the
National Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season.
2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to
carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560
miles.
2018 smiled.
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Tuesday, August 28, 2018, 10:16 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 28
Thank you, Andy!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Las Vegas mother separated from kids
after she was arrested for murder
______________________________________________________
Today, August 28 in
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It
was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be
built in America.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.
--- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young
girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and
made her way to New York where before long, she became a
successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on
a Saturday night went to confession in the church where she
had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father
Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her
work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he
wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy
to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She stepped
out of the confessional and within sight of Father
Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping
splits, handsprings and back flips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were
two middle- aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics
with wide eyes, and one said to the other, "Will you just
look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this
night, and me without me bloomers on!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee
when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-
lettered "For Sale" sign out front.
After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the
startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room,
opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and
pointing out where a "new light fixture
here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her
assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would
offer her the listing.
"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement
tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says,
'HORSE for sale.'"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Juwuan Terry, 18,
Jason Epeards, 18,
Jasean Dale, 19,
Indianapolis,
Indiana
Las Vegas mother separated from kids
after she was arrested for murder
Police arrested a Las Vegas mother after investigators
searching for a missing toddler found the body of a young
girl in a duffel bag at the woman’s apartment Thursday
night, authorities said.
Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department Homicide Lt. Ray
Spencer said the girl was reported missing just before 9
p.m. on the 6800 block of East Lake Mead Boulevard near
Hollywood Boulevard.
According to initial reports, the mother, identified as 29-
year-old Aisha Thomas, was walking to Albertson’s with her
four children and was on the phone when one of her kids
wandered off and went missing, Las Vegas television station
KVVU reported.
Detectives from Metro police’s Missing Persons Detail
responded and began searching the neighborhood.
Detectives set up a command post in the parking lot of the
Albertson’s for additional resources, Spencer said.
Meanwhile, officers began looking for the girl inside
Thomas’s apartment, but they were unable to find the child
at first.
Officers then conducted a second search since Thomas’s
story began showing inconsistencies, according to Spencer.
During the second search, police noticed a heavy duffel bag
inside the master bedroom’s closet that was “emitting a
mildew smell.”
They found garbage bags when they opened the duffel bag,
Spencer said. They opened the bags and found the body of
the missing 3-year-old.
Thomas was arrested on suspicion of murder, Las Vegas
police said. The other three children were placed in the
care of Child Protective Services. According to Spencer,
police believe the girl was killed within the last three
days.
Four days ago, the girl’s father had been arrested after a
domestic violence call was placed, according to Spencer.
From: Anton
Re: Printng photos
Dear Webby,
When I try to print pictures, they don't come out anywhere
near as good as the samples they had at the store and
claimed they had printed with that kind of printer. Did
they use prints from a different printer or am I doing
something wrong?
Anton
Dear Anton
Most likely they used the most expensive photo paper.
They also probably used a picture formatted for 300 or more
pixels per inch.
If you save a picture off a browser, it will be 72 pixels
per inch.
That is a huge difference in the number of dots on a
picture.
If you use JPG format and any amount of compression, then
you also lose picture quality very quickly. JPG compression
is for sending pictures to your aunt on her slow dial-up,
but not for printing. If you want a nice print, set the
compression to 1. Watch the file size, though! For example,
a picture of the "Eye Of God" (Helix nebula) off the
browser might be 30 KB on some sites that use compression,
250 KB on mine at
Eye
Of God 800 x 600,
but if you use the original, sized to 10" x 7.5" at 320
DPI, it's over 2.5 MB.
In summary, use good paper, good ink, 300 or more DPI,
and absolutely no compression in any step between camera
and printer.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The college football player knew his way around the locker
room better than he did the library, so when my husband's
co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of
books looking confused, she asked how she could help.
"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered, "William, I think."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more
than their fathers ever made in a year: It's cheaper than
marrying a woman half my age." --P.J. O'Rourke
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Cooking Sheets
Buy a piece of corner molding at your local hardware store
and cut it into pieces that are about the depth of your
kitchen cabinets. Nail the pieces of molding to the bottom
of your cabinet perpendicular to the opening and you can
then store your cookie sheets upright.
When I design a kitchen, I always put a narrow, floor to
countertop drawer beside the stove, with no sidewall on
the stove side. Into the top I put a towel rack, and in the
bottom a chrome wire guard or fence to hold cookie sheets
upright and from tipping against the stove side.
The waste heat from the stove dries the towels and stove
cloths, and the library of cookie sheets and cake pans is
easily accessible.
Now if I could find some decent flour bins, the kitchen
would be perfect.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Destination hot springs and camping.
|
___________________________________________________
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a
department store. He was impressing the people who stopped
by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture
and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent
the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud
crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both
halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and
said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an
unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Thanks to Bob for this revelation:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff
was for.
Then I noticed women were coming up to me, they'd sniff,
exclaim, "Married!", and walk off.
So, gents, that's how they mark their territory! You can
take off that ring, but it's hard to get that "April fresh
scent" out of your clothes.
____________________________________________________
Today, August 28 in
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson.
1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His
policy of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to
outlaw Protestantism.
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It
was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be
built in America.
1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament
throughout the British Empire.
1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two
teenagers, Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name
was later changedto "United Parcel Service."
1916 Italy's flipping to the winning side and declaration
of war against Germany took effect duringWorld War I.
1917 Ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed the
White House.
1922 The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York
City. The Queensboro Realty Company bought 10 minutes of
time for$100.
1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled
airplane took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178.
1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream"
speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than
200,000 people attended.
1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals
at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world
record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 2
minutes and 7/10ths of a second.
1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and
renamed Kuwait City al-Kadhima.
1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase
Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion
deal.
1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and
Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year
marriage.
1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order
and legal system based on the Koran.
2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person
to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England,
to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes.
2008 In China, the Shanghai World Financial Center
officially opened. The observation decks opened on August
30.
2014 Google announced its Project Wing. The project was
aimed at delivering products across a city using unmanned
flying vehicles.
2018 smiled.
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