How to get rid of RoboForm 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 3

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man arrested for human trafficking when 
teen escapes to restaurant

Today, October 3 in
1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone (1907 - 1989) What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant If marriage were outlawed, then only outlaws would have inlaws. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ >From Ben Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running but had locked it! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" My mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" My brother asked. "There!" My mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I know my company has made a big effort to be family friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an- nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees are invited to the annual Christmas party. All children under the age of ten will receive a gift from Santa. Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Katherine Nieves-Tavarez, 27, Vero Beach Florida Fla woman arrested for slashing boyfriend when he refused to have sex with her After her boyfriend repeatedly declined to have sex with her, a Florida woman grabbed a kitchen knife and slashed him multiple times in the face, according to police who arrested the alleged attacker on a felony battery charge. In response to a 911 call about a disturbance at a Vero Beach apartment, cops arrived at the residence around 3:30 AM Thursday and encountered Katherine Nieves-Tavarez at the front door. Nieves-Tavarez, 27, had blood on her clothing and hands, an arrest affidavit notes. Inside the apartment, cops reported, Nieves-Tavarez’s boyfriend was spotted falling to the floor “with blood covering his face.” Asked what happened to him, the man replied, “She hit me with a knife. I can’t see.” The victim went on to tell officers that Nieves-Tavarez, his live-in girlfriend, had been drinking and "asked to have sex, which he declined." The man added that “after declining multiple times,” Nieves-Tavarez “became angry and started yelling at him.” Nieves-Tavarez then allegedly retrieved a “large, silver kitchen knife” and followed the man outside to the patio. There, Nieves- Tavarez allegedly slashed the victim with the knife. When police questioned the man, he had “multiple lacerations to his face,” a torn shirt, and “redness around his neck and chest area.” The victim was subsequently transported to a hospital for treatment of his injuries. Seen above, Nieves-Tavarez was arrested and booked into the county jail on a felony charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. She is being held in lieu of $15,000 bond and is scheduled for arraignment on October 31. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with the victim. Nieves-Tavarez was arrested in April 2017 on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge, but that case--which involved the same man--was eventually dismissed by prosecutors.
From Frank Re: Stop Roboform Dear Webby, Like you, I suffered a total RoboForm failure. I expected them to remember the Master Password. They didn't. They failed and took over 1000 passwords with them. Same as with you many of those passwords are ancient and no longer needed, but they destroyed all the new ones too. What a piece of @#$%^&*! And they are still sniveling about updating! Not bloody likely, Incompetent A**ho**s! How do I completely get rid of the useless piece of crap? Frank Dear Frank You are about as diplomatic as I was when they destroyed all of my passwords. Contact their support and tell them to cancel all of your accounts. Also check your auto-pay entries iun your PayPal. Then use REVO Uninstaller to get their crap off your machine. If you don't have it yet, it is at Revo Uninstaller Try the PRO Free Trial. It is not a 2 second fix, but it scans your entire machine and removes any trace of the crap. That takes a few minutes. Have FUN! DearWebby

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Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you." The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down. For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything. Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma' am, may I ask you two questions?" With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!" The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. "Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?" Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!" She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?" Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Connie for this story: My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Frugal Costume: Ninja! A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Yes, they do, brave oyster wrestler!" Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Photos of wearable art competition. (Well, it's almost Halloween...)
___________________________________________________ GROAN ALERT One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Michael DRAWBACKS OF WORKING IN A CUBICLE [Or, "Welcome to my life."] * Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire, or farts. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds. * When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam. * Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long. * 23 power cords - 1 outlet. * The carpet has been there since 1976 (or longer) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers. * Everybody steals everybody elses pot-it-notes, to take home. * The bolted on fingerprint activated gun safe on your desk is for pens qand post-it-notes. * If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you." * Whenever you go get some water or coffee, your waste basket mysteriously fills up in your absence. * You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 3 in
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday of
November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day. 

1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.

1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated. After a
merger with Radio Corporation of America the company became RCA-

1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store. 

1922 Rebecca L. Felton became the first female to hold office of
U.S. Senator. She was appointed by Governor Thomas W. Hardwick of
Georgia to fill a vacancy. 

1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially changed
its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 

1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading Britain
to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain had ruled
Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I. 

1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia). 

1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken" and
they "would never rise again." 

1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized controls on
rents, wages, salaries and farm prices. 

1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the Siegfried

1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field in

1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world when
they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb. The U.S. and
Russia were the only other nuclear powers. 

1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a nine-
hour flight. 

1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had lasted 7
months and ten people had died. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its four-day
mission. It was the first American shuttle mission since the
Challenger disaster. 

1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to Czechoslovakia
in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to the West. 

1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait since
his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation. 

1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was raided
by U.S. soldiers. 

2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by
tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after being
dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named Montecore,
was debuting in his first show. 

2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear test
as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that it viewed
as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. A date for the test was not

2018  smiled.

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Out-going mystery stuff 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 2

What really surprised me was that Broom Hilda made absolutely no
comment in the phony Kavenaugh accusation circus.
Does she too already know it will seriously backfire?
When the shit hits the fan, she will be high and dry and smiling.

Did anybody notice that while the Anti-American media was
imitating a herd of hysterical chihuahuas outside of the fence
where the cat sleeps, trying desperately to slander Kavanaugh, 
Trump quietly renegotiated NAFTA and even got Trudeau to sign.
NAFTA is saved!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man arrested for human trafficking when 
teen escapes to restaurant

Today, October 2 in
1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their ships
to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a socialist
country were prohibited from docking in the United States during
that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods was banned on ships
owned by companies that traded with Cuba. 
Bernie is still a Socialist.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. --- John Adams (1735 - 1826) Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) ______________________________________________________ Lisa and Linda are walking down the street. Lisa finds a little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says linda. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course you have, silly! It's me!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While rummaging through his attic a man found a shoe-repair ticket that was five years old. Figuring that he had nothing to lose, he went to the shop and presented the ticket to the pro- prietor, who reluctantly began a search for the unclaimed shoes. After ten minutes, the owner reappeared and handed back the ticket. "Well," asked the customer, "did you find the shoes?" "Yes," replied the owner, "they'll be ready Tuesday." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Son, I just know you'll do the right thing by this little girl," said the preacher. "You just marry her, and you'll be at the end of your troubles." So he did the right thing, and he married the girl, and about six months later when he saw the preacher again he tried to murder him. "You miserable liar!" shouted the young man. "You told me if I married her, I would be at the end of my troubles. Well, I married her, and she has made my life miserable." "That may be true, son, but you can't blame me," replied the minister. "I said you'd be at the end of your troubles, but I never said which end." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patrick McManus, 25, Charlotte, North Carolina Man arrested for human trafficking w hen teen escapes to restaurant Andre Davis said he was working at Captain D's in Charlotte, North Carolina, when a 17-year-old girl ran inside. Police said 25-year-old Patrick McManus has been arrested after he reportedly forced the teenage girl into his car and assaulted her. McManus is charged with kidnapping and human trafficking. “He was following her, and my manager told him, ‘No, you're not allowed in the girls’ bathroom,’” Davis said. “Everybody was panicking. They didn't know if he had a gun. Like, it was crazy in here." Police said they were called to a motel on Reagan Drive around 4:50 p.m. Friday for a report of a 17-year-old who had been assaulted and kidnapped. Officers said the victim and suspect left before they arrived. Officers were then called to the Captain D’s around 5:38 p.m. The 911 caller said a woman who had been kidnapped was inside the restaurant. Police said officers located the victim and McManus, who was arrested on the scene. "The manager grabbed cleaning supplies to act like she was cleaning the bathroom the whole time when I was on the phone with police," Davis said. The Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department's Human Trafficking Unit was brought in to investigate and found the 17-year-old victim had known McManus for less than a week. Police said the girl told them she was staying at the nearby Royal Inn, where McManus was also staying. Court documents show the teen said McManus told her he loved her, but he was physically abusive and forced her into prostitution so he could buy drugs. “That's crazy,” Davis said. "At a young age, that's real, that's real bad." The girl told detectives that McManus demanded she work as a prostitute to earn him money. She said when she refused, he threatened and assaulted her. She told police she lied to McManus and tried to hide, but he found her, choked her and forced her into his car while he was holding a Taser. The victim was taken to a hospital for non-life-threatening injuries. "Nobody would want that to happen to their kid,” Davis said. Detectives said the teen put up a fight for more than 2 miles and attempted to jump out of the moving car. "About a minute after I got off the phone, the police (were) here,” Davis said. Police said McManus was being taken to the Mecklenburg County Jail after his interview when he was able to move his handcuffed hands to the front of his body and assault the officer who was driving. Police said he spit on two officers that responded and kicked the patrol car door. McManus was eventually restrained. Police said McManus had minor injuries after the incident and was taken to Novant Health for evaluation. McManus is charged with kidnapping, human trafficking, assault on a female, assault by strangulation, assault on a government official, damage to property, two counts of malicious conduct by a prisoner, resisting and promoting prostitution. He is in jail on a $120,000 bond.
From Helen Re: Outgoing mystery stuff Dear Webby, Norton keeps alerting me that WINTOOLS.EXE and IEXPLORESKINS.EXE are attempting to access the internet. They are both listed as Medium Risk. Since I don't know what they are, I have come to the master to ask if I should permanently block them or if they are useful and should be allowed. Thanks once again for you help! Helen Dear Helen If medium risk (or any risk) stuff is trying to get from your machine out onto the Internet, then obviously your machine is infected with them. I don't use Norton because it doesn't stop stuff like that from coming in in the first place. Try running Spybot-Search&Destroy, update it to it's newest version, and see if that will find those things. To me they sound a lot more like malicious spyware than viruses, and just want to report your bra size, weight, visa numbers and stuff like that. Please let me know if Spybot-Search&Destroy catches them or if you need even bigger ammunition for that. Have FUN! DearWebby

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Thanks to Ross for this story: A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond. The Welsh farmer shouted: "Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for." This means: “Don’t drink the water the cows have dumped into it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English." The Welsh farmer says: "Use two hands, they hold more!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Frugal Costume: Ninja! Wear all black with a black sash to wear as a belt. Cut a hole big enough for your eyes in black fabric and tie it loosely around your head. Children should also be outfitted with reflective tape on the front and back if they are going to be trick-or-treating outside. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
The Ames window optical illusion.
___________________________________________________ A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..." " "Fred," she answered. "I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?" "Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over." "Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried. "Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the newspaper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives" His wife said, "Why, thank you, dear!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 2 in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 

1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He was
carrying information about the actions of Benedict Arnold. 

1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place near the
Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a Mexican

1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora, wildlife
and geology. He used the information to develop his "theory of
evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book entitled The Origin
of Species by Means of Natural Selection. 

1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy. 

1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas opened. It
was the state's first venture into public higher education. The
school was formally dedicated 2 days later by Texas Gov. Richard

1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations. 

1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images. 

1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald Reagan
made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was 26 years old.

1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The plan was
an all-out offensive against Moscow. 

1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising. 

1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA) formally
established Formula One racing in Grand Prix competition. 

1950 "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz, was
published for the first time in seven newspapers. 

1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed its
independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the Republic
of Guinea. 

1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their ships
to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a socialist
country were prohibited from docking in the United States during
that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods was banned on ships
owned by companies that traded with Cuba. 

1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first African-
American member of the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections. 

1989 In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place demanding the
legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of democratic

1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in

1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought police
and set up burning barricades. 

1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers were
overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-fixing. 

1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern Iraq and
attacked Kurdish rebels. 

2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all members.
The act was in response to the September 11, 2001, terrorist
attacks in the United States. 

2015 The reorganization of Google into Alphabet Inc. was
completed. Alphabet became the parent company of Google and
several other companies previosly owned by Google. 

2018  smiled.

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Phony PayPal emails 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 1

Today in 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers
aimed at turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists.
26 years ago Russia gave up on Communism. 
Will somebody please tell Broom Hilda and Bernie?

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare 
off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now.
Recovering from the fright.

Today, October 1 in
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to
ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from
children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the
Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering
software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated
the use of the filters. 
San Francisco decided to provide sanctuary to child porno.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. "It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top...!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes God said, "Divorcing them works for most, but unfortunately not all. Do you want two lanes or four on that silly bridge?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John. ______________________________________________________ Usual practise in Britain is to bounce a vehicle out of the way, paint the new lines, then bounce the vehicle back on top of the new lines, and issue a parking ticket. This vehicle must have been too heavy for the yobs. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Axel Rivera, 28, Titusville, Florida Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now. Recovering from the fright. Facebook A grandmother in Titusville, Florida, opened her blinds early Friday morning, expecting to see her cat on the back porch, only to see a nude man standing there, according to police. Axel Rivera, 28, was wearing a two-piece jail outfit and a pair of flip-flops when he faced a judge Friday afternoon on charges of burglary and exposing sexual organs. That’s three more items of clothing than Titusville police said Rivera was wearing when he was discovered on Pennelope Pettersen’s screened porch around 2 a.m. “I always look first. I opened the blinds and said, ‘What the hell? That’s not my cat,’” said Pettersen. Pettersen, who once worked in security and law enforcement, decided she’d give the intruder a fright. She popped out her teeth. “Grandma no teeth!” she shouted. Rivera’s is held at the Brevard County jail on $20,000 bail.
From Gerry Re: Phoney PayPal mails Dear Webby, I know you mentioned phoney PayPal letters a few times, but I never paid attention because then I didn't have a paypal account. Now I do and today I got an email that looks like it is from Paypal and that asks me to verify details about my account. But it was sent to my other address, not the one I use for PayPal. What's the proper procedure? Gerry Dear Gerry PayPal NEVER asks you to submit any information via email. NEVER click on any links in mails pretending to be from PayPal. If you have MailWasher, then you can see in the preview details that underneath what looks like a link to PayPal, the link actually goes to some number domain. With some email programs you can see those numbers in the status line when you hover the mouse over the link. Real PayPal mail never has links except to They just tell you to log in normally and go to this or that department. If you get phoney PayPal mails, expose the header and forward the mail to Have FUN! DearWebby

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A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex- husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex- husband will get ten times what she wishes for. "No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish ... I'd like to give birth to twins."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
These were actual things that kids have said about our various phenomena of the gotta love them! *Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. *Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother. *Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. *We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. *In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's. *Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do. *Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. *We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. *Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. *In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. *A blizzard is when it snows sideways. *A monsoon is a French gentleman. *Thunder is a rich source of loudness. *Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. *It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. *The wind is like the air, only pushier. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Meatloaf Muffins To make meatloaf in convenient serving sizes, make your favorite meatloaf recipe in muffin tins. The meatloaf will cook faster and it's the perfect size for freezing. Then just serve a meatloaf muffin to each person. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Best of the week, People Are Awesome!
___________________________________________________ A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son on and hugs him. "So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink. The man takes a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water . . . right Lou? ____________________________________________________

Today, October 1 in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 

1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France. Later
the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively doubling
its size. 

1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of electric
lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The act
raised tariffs to a record level. 

1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post Office.

1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. The
purchase price of the car was $850. 

1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I by a
force made up of British and Arab forces. 

1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state. 

1938 German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control of the
Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days before. 

1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States. 

1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World War

1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg sentenced
12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were sentenced to prison
terms and 3 were acquitted. 

1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's Republic
of China when the communist forces had defeated the Nationalists.
The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 

1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University of
California at Berkeley. 

1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with the
United States. 

1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over to

1980 Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on the
cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to achieve
this in 97 years. 

1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) Center
opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt Disney. 

1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli jet

1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 

1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany after
they were allowed to leave by the communist government. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of Kuwait. 

1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 

1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti
that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power. U.S.
economic and military aid was suspended. 

1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 

1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the U.S.

1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a series
of trade agreements. 

1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a lockout
of the players that lasted 103 days. 

1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S. through
bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 

1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 

1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for the
capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of killing an
undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994. 

1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples Republic
of China was celebrated in Beijing. 

2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to
ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from
children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the
Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering
software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated
the use of the filters. 

2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction of
the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 

2018  smiled.

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Can you run Spybot anhd Malwarebytes simultaneously? 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 30

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old 
daughter home alone while she went partying

Today, September 30 in
1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at
turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) A new survey found that the country with the highest number of contented citizens in the world is Mexico. Apparently, this is because everybody who was unhappy in Mexico has moved to Los Angeles. --- Conan O'Brien ______________________________________________________ >From Boris My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved. On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door. Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say: "If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexandra Rose Ciliento, 29, Scottsdale, Arizona AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old daughter home alone while she went partying A 29-year-old woman is accused of leaving her 4-year-old daughter home alone to go partying in Scottsdale, police said in court records. The little girl knocked on a neighbor's door at about 6:30 a.m. Sunday and told them her mother, Alexandra Rose Ciliento, wasn't home, according to police. Authorities said it turned out that mom had been gone overnight. The neighbor told police they waited with the girl for about 45 minutes with no sign of her mother before calling 911. Officers were able to reach Ciliento at 8:20 a.m. after obtaining her number from the child's father. When she returned home, she told Scottsdale police she left her apartment near Bell and Pima roads at 11 p.m. Saturday for the Scottsdale entertainment district. "No plan was set in place to have the child watched by a family member or guardian. Nor was there any attempt made to secure a babysitter," police said in court records. Ciliento was not aware that her child could open a locked door and leave the residence, court records state. Ciliento is facing one felony count of child abuse. The Department of Child Safety was contacted by police after her arrest, records add.
>From Richi Re: Spybot and Malwarebytes Dear Webby, I might have asked you this before,but how ofter do you run Spybot?is it okay to run malware bytes together?spybot seems toscan slower...tyvm for all the answers and help its gr8tly appreciated Richi Hi Richi I run Spybot about once a month or when I suspect any spyware. No, I would not run both at the same time. They would slow things down too much to be able to continue working without a lot of cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe out all of the data!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cover Windows With Plastic Put plastic over your windows in the cold months, especially if you have single pane windows.. You would be surprised how much cold air gets through your seals in an older home. It is especially true this year with energy costs likely to go through the roof. The kits for that are pretty well impossible to find nowadays, but you can use pallet-wrap. It is just shrink wrap on 3 or 4 foot wide rolls, used to wrap around loaded pallets to keep everything together and protected. You can get that and wide scotch tape at warehousing needs suppliers. DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Middle Ages That Still Baffle Experts Today
___________________________________________________ The Eyeglass Prescription for women Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she and her husband were struggling with a big decision on whether they should become missionaries, my friend offered to include them on the prayer list. So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a decision about the missionary position." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 30 in
1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV. 

1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due to
advancing British forces. 

1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would make
it the first American vessel to sail around the world. 

1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction
after administering ether to a patient. 

1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France. 

1882 In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power plant
began operating. 

1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease Adolf
Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland
to be repatriated by the Nazis. It had been taken away as part of
the punishment for losing WWI.

1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany,
found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes. 

1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 2.3
million tons of food into the western sector despite the Soviet

1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at Groton,
CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The submarine had
been launched on January 21, 1954. 

1962 James Meredith succeeded in registering at the University of
Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to register. 

1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of
India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir. 

1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at
midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year
sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von
Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth. 

1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that
were aimed at avoiding an accidental war. 

1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate the
prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners were
killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on September
13, 1971. 

1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. The
law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in the U.S.

1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace the

1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out by
McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company. 

1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, one
day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets. 

1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko
from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a shake-
up at the Kremlin. 

1989 Tens of thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an
accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union. 

1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had
captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing
government forces. 

1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic

1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand
Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras.
Aristide was later returned to power. 

1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at
turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists. 

1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission.
Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote
areas of the Earth. 

1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence
during the persecution and deportation of Jews by the pro-Nazi
Vichy regime. 

1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility
after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear chain

2014 Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial
vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to customers.
The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their Prime Air

2018  smiled.

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Best Free Fax program 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 29

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Driving with revoked license, 
carrying stolen gun and dope

Today, September 29 in
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. --- Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Craig for this one: Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate me" speech once from Juanita. I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert. She's never mentioned it since. ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Ah, no. That wasn't my husband. My husband just walked in the front door." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Salkeld, 41, Lincoln, Nebraska Driving with revoked license, carrying stolen gun and dope Lincoln Police arrested a 41-year-old man after he was found to be in possession of methamphetamine and a gun stolen from a Lincoln business in 2016. LPD said on Tuesday around 7:30 p.m., Jason Salkeld, 41, was observed driving a vehicle near 86th and Lexington Avenue. The officer recognized Salkeld and was aware his license was revoked. After making contact, Salkeld was found to be in possession of 2.1 grams of suspected meth, and a stolen handgun was also found in his backpack. The gun had been reported stolen from Acher Arms on Dec. 25, 2016 during a burglary.
>From Edith Re: Free Fax Dear Webby, You mentioned a free fax service once, but that was before I disconnected my fax line and sold my fax machine when I retired. So at that time I did not pay attention and bookmark that site. Can you please look it up and mention it again? I need it to fax my prescription to Costco. I still have my scanner and scanned the 2 pages from my doctor's prescreiption. Thanks Edith Dear Edith I don't have to look it up. I use it often enough so that I remember it. is a fantastic service! I have used them for many years and never a problem. The first time you use them it may seem a bit intimidating. Don't worry! It is actually really easy, and your browser will remember everything for the next time. Just put in your name and phone number, so that the pharmacy can call you back and confirm each line item, in case you don't need the full amount of some of the stuff. And also your email address. Then you enter the recipient name and fax number Next you browse to the two pages you scanned and highlight them and click OK. It doesn't bother to show their names, but don't worry. It has got them. Then you hit send. It may seem that nothing is happening. It just silently hauls your scanned pages up to them. Now check your email. It has a line to click on to confirm that it is indeed you who wants to send a fax. Then they actually send the fax. Well, they try. If the recipient's machine is busy or out of paper, they keep trying until it goes through. That may take some time. However, don't worry. They will keep tryiing until it does go through. When it does, you get an email telling you that your fax has been received by the pharmacy, or wherever you faxed to. Three pages per fax are free. For $1.99 you can get their "Almost Free Fax" deal and send 25 pages. So far I have never needed to send more than 3 pages at a time, but if I ever have to, I know I can with I can highly recommend This is not an ad or commission deal, just a recommendation from a frequent user. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?" "I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry." "But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?" "Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it." "But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?" "Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away." "Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?" "Of course not! He's lefthanded!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Don't Mow Wet Grass Try to avoid mowing your lawn when it's wet. The clippings will stick to the blade and interior of the mower and will clog it. If you do mow grass when it's a little wet, spray the blade with some spray cooking oil (like Pam) to help prevent sticking. Here the grass has frost on it. I won't mow that today! Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
It's a hairy situation! Take a look at the beard and mustache winners of the 2017 contest.
___________________________________________________ From The Office Party Planning Committee... 16 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work... 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It leads to more honest communications. 3. It reduces complaints about low pay 4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear. 5. It encourages car pooling. 6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. 7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 8. It makes fellow employees look better. 9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar. 13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas. 14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break. 15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up. 16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross." ----------- I don't drink, but find that funny anyway. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we visited an old church. The guide told us that George Washington had attended services there and pointed to his pew. A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went on to tell us that church services back then had been very lengthy -- frequently lasting three hours or more. The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 29 in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department
with several hundred men. 

1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized police
force was met with jeers from political opponents. The force
became known as Scotland Yard. 

1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marshal Pietro
Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British ship Nelson. 

1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" debuted on CBS Radio. 

1951 The first network football game was televised by CBS-TV in
color. The game was between the University of California and the
University of Pennsylvania. 

1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi
National guard in response to city officials defying federal
court orders. The orders had been to enroll James Meredith at the
University of Mississippi. 

1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary systems
around the world. 

1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV. 

1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules of
Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide. 264,000
bottles were recalled. 

1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the U.S.
Congress when they authorized President Reagan to keep U.S.
Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months. 

1983 "A Chorus Line" with performance number 3,389 became the
longest running show on Broadway. 

1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted the
Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased weapons. The
weapons were intended for the Irish Republican Army. 

1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most beautiful
woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at the time in the Betty
Ford Clinic overcoming a weight problem. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery took off from Cape Canaveral in
Florida. It was the first manned space flight since the
Challenger disaster. 

1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the best-
selling non-fiction book in the U.S. 

1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach
President Fernando Collor de Mello. 

1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned land that
had been taken by force. 

1994 The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyist buying
meals and entertainment for members of Congress. 

1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure of
retired U.S. General Colin Powell. 

2008 The Dow Industrial Average lost 777 points. It was the
largest one-day decline to date. The drop came after the U.S.
House of Representatives had voted down a $700 billion bank
bailout plan. 

2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational. 

2018  smiled.

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Restore Thunderbird as the default mailer in FireFox 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida man threw another man off bridge, 
arrested after spotted by passing officer

Today, September 28 in
1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State
Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary.  
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) ______________________________________________________ The story is told of a Russian named Ivanovich who visited the Moscow zoo for the first time. To his amazement, he found a little lamb sharing the cage with a big fierce bear. Ivanovich expressed surprise to his guide. The guide smiled and said, "That is peaceful coexistence." When Ivanovich shook his head in a doubtful way, the guide explained, "Of course, we have to put in a fresh lamb every morning." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?" The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure there are no cannibals in Africa." The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some cannibals around here." The guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here. I'm sure. We ate the last one yesterday." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A woman was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed. "You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your sister." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Goodin, 21 Daytona Beach, Floriduh Florida man threw another man off bridge, arrested after spotted by passing officer A man in Florida was arrested Sunday after he threw another man off a bridge into a river just as an officer was passing by, according to police. The Daytona Beach Police Department said that Derrick Goodin, 21, was involved in an argument with a woman over money as she and a friend crossed the bridge over the Halifax River on Sunday. After throwing the woman's bike in the water, the 21-year-old then threw over her friend, an unidentified man, after he got involved in the argument. "A Daytona Beach Police officer was just heading over the bridge when he spotted Goodin tossing the victim into the water," police said. In bodycam video released by police, Goodwin can be seen standing with the man before police say he tossed him over. The officer then gets out of the car and tells the 21-year-old to surrender. Goodin is then heard saying "he jumped over the bridge, before throwing his wallet in the water before he was arrested. "It's not every day that we're driving and we see a human being throwing another human being into a body of water," Daytona Beach Police spokeswoman Lyda Longa told FOX35. McKenzie Reijonen, who heard the commotion as he was fishing on a rowboat nearby, told FOX35 he jumped into action as soon as he realized what was happening. I mean over there it's pretty shallow but he fell I think into the channel which is even worse because, you know, he could have been unconscious and been hit by a passing motorboat," he said. Reijonen said he rowed his boat over to the bridge and brought the man, who had a gash on his head but was otherwise fine, to shore. I was just worried that he could have been punched unconscious or drowning or somewhere down there in the water and I did what I hoped somebody would do for me, he said. Goodin is now at the Volusia County Jail and has been charged with aggravated battery and breach of peace, according to police.
>From Lee Re: Restore Thunderbird as default mailer Dear Webby, Recently I've had to change laptops (due to a Florence related thunderstorm). I use Firefox and Thunderbird. Formerly when I clicked on the email link on Firefox it went to a Thunderbird blank email to send. Now it goes to a Microsoft product which I don't want to use. Help. Thanks, Lee Dear Lee Yes, that would upset me too! Check Mozilla Firefox browser settings: click on 'Open Menu' select 'Options' Select 'Applications' Set the 'MAILTO' protocol to use 'Thunderbird' Double check your computer protocol 'MAILTO' setting is also 'Thunderbird'. Control Panel > Default Programs >Associate a file type or protocol with a program Protocols: MAILTO needs to be set as Thunderbird. Please check registry key: HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Clients\Mail 'Start' > 'Run' > type: regedit Locate this registry entry: HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Clients\Mail on right side double click on 'Default' Enter 'Mozilla Thunderbird' in 'Value Data' click on 'OK' Messing with the registry is a very last resort, if nothing else works. I doubt you have to go that far. If you have to, first back up the registry before you mess with it. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Myrna As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman I'd recently met. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other to ward off the chilly air, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..." Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our philosophies?" Puzzled, she replied, " the stage." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cleaning With Baking Soda Make a paste of baking soda with water for a mild abrasive. You can use it instead of Comet or other abrasive cleaners for cleaning bathroom fixtures. It works well for cleaning spots off chrome and stainless steel. It can also be added to your laundry as a booster (1/2 cup should work). Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
It's a hairy situation! Take a look at the beard and mustache winners of the 2017 contest.
___________________________________________________ About the only thing a man can look down on and still heartily approve of, is a low-cut dress. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Charlie was a regular visitor at the race track. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and sure enough the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again the priest went to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Charlie played a hunch and put a couple of dollars on the blessed horse. Sure enough, the blessed horse came in by two lengths and Charlie won close to fifty bucks! The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races and the horse won each time. So between races Charlie left the track and went to the bank to withdraw his life's savings, $20,000. The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the priest and watched carefully which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put his whole bundle of cash on that horse, to win. Then Charlie went out to watch the horses race. Down the stretch they came and as they crossed the finish line, the horse Charlie's fortune was bet on was far behind ... dead last! Charlie was crushed. He located the priest and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses which all became winners throughout the day. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Because of your failure on that last horse, I have lost my entire life's savings." "That's the trouble with you Protestants," sighed the priest, "you never could tell the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 28 in
1066 England was invaded by William the Conqueror who claimed the
English throne. 

1542 San Diego, CA, was discovered by Portuguese navigator Juan
Rodriguez Cabrillo. 

1687 The Turks surrendered Athens to the Venetians. 

1781 During the Revolutionary War, American forces began the
siege on Yorktown, VA. 

1850 The U.S. Navy abolished flogging as a form of punishment. 

1850 U.S. President Millard Fillmore named Brigham Young the
first governor of the Utah territory. In 1857, U.S. President
James Buchanan removed Young from the position. 

1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State
Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary. 

1915 The British defeated the Turks in Mesopotamia at Kut-el-

1924 The first around-the-world flight was completed by two U.S.
Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip took 175

1939 During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed
upon a plan on the division of Poland. 

1950 The United Nations admitted Indonesia. 

1967 The first mayor of Washington, DC, Walter Washington, took

1972 Communist China and Japan agreed to re-establish diplomatic

1978 Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian
peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen. 

1978 Don Sherman, editor of Car & Driver, set a new Class E
record in Utah. Driving the Mazda RX7 he reached a speed of
183.904 mph. 

1991 In response to U.S. President Bush's reduction of U.S.
nuclear arms Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised to

1995 Yasser Arafat of the PLO and Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak
Rabin signed an accord that transferred control of the West Bank.

2000 The U.S. Federal Drug Administration approved the use of RU-
486 in the United States. The pill is used to induce an abortion.

2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones arrived at the U.S.-Mexico border
to complete the first known continuous hike of the 1,800-mile
trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They started the trek on June

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 billion applications

2018  smiled.

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Temp files 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 27

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Indiana school bus driver caught on video 
allowing kids as young as 11 to drive 
her school bus

Today, September 27 in
1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that 
hauled a passenger train.  
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them." --- Robert Orben ______________________________________________________ Airman Johnson was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Johnson had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Johnson's sales pitch. Johnson explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Nina from Oz for this story: Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays." Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, eh!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Great Sales Technique A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!" ______________________________________________________ Pragser Wildsee, IT _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Judy An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joandrea McAtee, 27, Portage, Indiana. Indiana school bus driver caught on video allowing kids as young as 11 to drive her school bus A northwest Indiana school bus driver has been arrested after she allegedly let three students, ages 11, 13 and 17, drive her vehicle, according to police. The incident was caught on video and posted on Twitter. According to a police statement, Joandrea McAtee, 27, let the children drive her bus Thursday as she dropped students off after school in Valparaiso, a small city about 50 miles southeast of Chicago. McAtee, of nearby Portage, was arrested Friday after the Porter Township Schools Administration and the Porter County Sheriff's Office investigated a parent's complaint, the Northwest Indiana Times reported. Chief Deputy Jeff Biggs said in a news release that three students took turns driving a short distance in a rural area of Valparaiso. McAtee was arrested when she went to the Porter Township Bus Barn to pick up her paycheck, according to the news release. She is facing charges of neglect of a dependent, a felony, and was fired by Porter Township and the bus service provider. "The Porter Township School Corporation is angered and disappointed in the actions of this driver," Stacey Schmidt, the Porter Township School Corporation superintendent, said in an email to the paper. "The safety of our students is a top priority." "This individual’s actions are not reflective of the hard work, dedication, and professionalism of our staff," Schmidt added. "We are thankful for the students and parents who came forward quickly with this information to both PTSC administration and law enforcement allowing us to respond expediently and take the proper steps to insure student safety."
>From Dennis Re: Temp Files Dear Webby, As a long time reader of your humor letter, I’ve enjoyed everything from the daily quotations to your apt replies to computer questions, which is why I’m asking you instead of Microsoft. Not to mention that your solution will probably help other readers. While “Spring Cleaning” my overcrowded hard disk, I found that a mysteriously large 15% of its data is in a folder ominously called: “Documents and Settings” with 7.48 GB. Of that the lion’s share is in: “C:\Documents and Settings\Dennis\Local Settings\Temp” (an invisible file, seemingly a warning not to meddle) containing a whopping 6.46 GB in 19,500 files, 146 folders. Surely this is an unreasonable amount of disk space for setting, yet a non-expert hesitates to monkey with something that might upset valued programs, so how to slim down this bloated mess? Thanks for any advice & the daily grins, Dennis Dear Dennis Just open the (files) Explorer (not MSIE), highlight C:\ Right-click it Click on the Disk Cleanup button Let it do it's thing. It will take a few minutes. After that, most of that temp stuff will be gone, and your machine will run a bit faster. I usually do that as the last item of a tune-up. The first item is running Spybot-Search&Destroy. Normally I do a tune-up like that every Saturday night, and once a month I reboot, whether it needs it or not. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen...And This Kitchen Is Delirious Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives Help Keep the Kitchen Clean Eat Out Housework Done Properly Can Kill You My next house will have no kitchen just vending machines. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Bobbie My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Hiring Movers If you are hiring movers, be sure to ask them what their insurance covers before packing anything yourself. Quite often, they will only cover boxes that they have packed. Unless you want to use the move as an opportunity to sort what to keep and what to toss, let the movers do the packing. They don't get emotional over items you thought you had lost, and they know how to pack stuff quickly and efficiently and safely. DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Middle Ages That Still Baffle Experts Today
___________________________________________________ Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va., prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address him by name. Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said. "Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
They were burying Irish Pat today and the Irish Priest was explaining to the congregation that before they could put Pat to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice about Pat, even though Pat was a womanizer, a drunk and a fighter. No one got up. So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of you MUST get up and say something nice about the man. It's our duty as Irishmen and Catholics." So as the priest sat down again, Little Murphy in the back pew got up, cleared his throat, and with his porkpie hat in his hand said, "His brother was even worse!". ____________________________________________________

Today, September 27 in
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British over
the American Revolutionary War peace terms. 

1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that hauled
a passenger train. 

1894 The Aqueduct Race Track opened in New York City, NY. 

1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the Nationalist
Chinese Government. 

1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as aggressors in

1939 After 19 days of resistance, Warsaw, Poland, surrendered to
the Germans after being invaded by the Nazis and the Soviet Union
during World War II. 

1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military and
economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy and Japan. 

1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel. 

1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was barred
by France. 

1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and Chatilla
refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by the members of a
multinational force due to hundreds of Palestinians being
massacred by Christian militiamen. 

1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buy out Sony
Corporation for $3.4 billion. 

1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls in a
barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were the first to
ever survive the Horshoe Falls. 

1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror" that
Iraq had inflicted upon his country. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all land-based
tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range nuclear arms
from ships and submarines around the world. Bush then called on
the Soviet Union to do the same. 

1994 More than 350 Republican congressional candidates signed the
Contract with America. It was a 10-point platform they pledged
to enact if voters sent a GOP majority to the House. 

2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon announced
that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000 spent nuclear
fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said that the weapons
were to serve as a deterrent against increasing U.S. nuclear
threats and to prevent nuclear war in northeast Asia. The U.S.
State Department noted that the U.S. has repeatedly said that the
U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. 

2015 The space probe Dawn was launched by NASA. Dawn entered
orbit around protoplanet Vesta on July 16, 2011 and entered orbit
around Ceres on March 6, 2015. 

2018  smiled.

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Wireless broadband 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 26

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Alabama mother charged after 5 of 
her kids test positive for cocaine

Today, September 26 in
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of 
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) "Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands." --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item, if he needs it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale. A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man can forget his past mistakes, there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things. A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cordelia Adair, 31, Montgomery, Alabama Alabama mother charged after 5 of her kids test positive for cocaine Cordelia Adair, 31, allegedly exposed five of her children – her 4-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter, 9-year-old daughter, 12- year-old son and 13-year-old son – to the substance during June and September of 2018, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by the Montgomery Advertiser. Adair was charged with five felony counts of chemical endangerment of a child. “MPD (Montgomery Police Dept.) was contacted by DHR (Department of Human Resources) on Sept. 6 in reference to possible drug activity in the home,” Capt. Regina Duckett, with the Montgomery Police Dept., told the paper. “Following a joint investigation with DHR, warrants were secured against Adair. She was taken into custody by the U.S. Marshals Fugitive Task Force on Sept. 21 and charged.” Alabama child welfare officials declined to comment on the case, citing privacy laws. Police did not immediately respond to requests for comment about the condition of the children. A judge reduced Adair’s bond Monday from $15,000 to $7,500 per count.
From: Sharon Re: Wireless broadband Internet Dear Webby, I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics. I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet service she could check into that did not require a land phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help. Also I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return" key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar. Just curious. Thanks again. Sharon Dear Sharon Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it. They consider it an emergency measure until they can get back to DSL or cable. Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas. Some towns have it, but most don't. Most rural areas in Canada have it, but in the US, most don't have it yet. Unless your friend is on the run, I would recommend that she get herself a land line. With a land line she can get DSL and 30 Mbps. Tell her to visit her ISP and discuss her options face to face. The bottom line, though, is the ISP. I get 30 Mbps to the ISP in Calgary. They are the bottleneck. Then I wait and wait and wait to get through them to whatever site I want to visit. If there are lots of ads there, then it is even worse. The speed between me and the ISP seems to be irrelevant. They are installing fibre now throughout the village. It will increase the speed from here to the ISP to 50 Mbps, still a long way from South Korea's average of 200 Mbps, but theoretically a lot faster than dial-up. The bottle neck at the ISP remains the same. Return Key: With manual and electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires . . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother." "Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday." "Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry -- put more men on the job?" said the little girl. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Fireplace Match Replacement If you run out of fireplace matches use a long piece of spaghetti. Just light the spaghetti and use it as a match. Also works for lighting candles that have wicks that are tough to reach (like birthday candles). Spaghetti also works great for lighting gas furnaces if a storm or gas interruption extinguishes the pilot lights. I have used spaghetti for many decades for that. You can get the flame right to the precise spot without singing your fingers. DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Tibetan Buddhist Sand Mandalas
___________________________________________________ A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anaesthetic; after he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man, "he don't know nothing now." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen." He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors. When you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 26 in
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1892 "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general public. 

1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared. 

1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established. 

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the
Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the western

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline since
1929 when the word was released concerning U.S. President
Eisenhower's heart attack. 

1960 The first televised debate between presidential candidates
Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL. 

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired for
the last time on September 4, 1967. 

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end
the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 

1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the
first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 

1986 The episode of "Dallas" that had Bobby Ewing returning from
the dead was aired. 

1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced that it
had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to keep
moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain films. 

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the
"Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology
for future space colonies. 

1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged
from their sealed off environment. 

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for 188
days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in space and in
the world for time spent by a woman in space. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would be
considered to have been born alive if he or she is completely
extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes and has a
beating heart and definite movement of the voluntary muscles. 

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had won
Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. The
declared runoff prompted mass protests. 

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian protest
since the terror attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, on
September 11. 

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-fire
and end a year of fighting in the region. 

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or older
with a valid email address. 

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Get rid of Forward Marks 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 25

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

PA crook tried to outrun cops 
with a bicycle

Today, September 25 in
1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer Vasco
Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. He named
the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just the first
European to see the Pacific Ocean. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. --- Mary Wilson Little Blame someone else and get on with your life. --- Alan Woods Kavanaugh says that was not him. He was apparently not invited to that party. ______________________________________________________ At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So yesterday, I'm on the excercise bike..." -Jonathan Katz _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" ______________________________________________________ Not a recent picture. It stopped snowing but it is still very cloudy here. It used to be called "Harvest Moon" because this week was the time for burning the potato and other veggie's uppers and tree leaves after harvesting, in the years before the insane dogooders got that practise banned. I still miss the fragrant smell of the burning potato uppers and tree leaves. It used to be funny when some people raked their leaves piles out onto the road and set them on fire. It was not a protest of any kind, just fires well away from houses. Many also tossed tree stumps and knotty firewood, that was too hard to split, onto the leaves. They, of course, burned much slower and gave the kids a chance to roast marshmellows. Because of the fresh local smoke the harvest moon always used to be orangey or red. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Devon Ruoss, 41, Carlisle, Pennsylvania PA crook tried to outrun cops with a bicycle Cumberland County President Judge Edward E. Guido couldn't suppress a chuckle as Devon Ruoss stood before him to enter a guilty plea Tuesday morning. After all, the man had tried to outrun a bevy of Carlisle cops on a bicycle. And one of the officers was in a cruiser with lights flashing and siren blaring. As Senior District Attorney Daniel Sodus explained it, Ruoss, 41, began his ill-fated two-wheeled flight around 3 p.m. on July 26 after a borough officer recognized him as a wanted man. Two days earlier, Ruoss had been accused of punching a woman. So, the officer ordered Ruoss to stop when he spied him in the 100 block of South Hanover Street. Instead, Ruoss pedaled away with the cruiser in pursuit, Sodus said. "Several officers on foot tried to stop Mr. Ruoss as well," the prosecutor added. Eventually, Ruoss ran into a cop car and fell down. "So that was done on a bicycle?" Guido asked as Ruoss stood there in handcuffs. "A bicycle," Sodus confirmed. "So, it wasn't a high-speed chase?" the judge continued. "It depends on how fast he can ride a bicycle," the DA replied. Ruoss pleaded guilty to fleeing police for the bike chase and to simple assault for the punching incident. His only deal is for a county prison term that has yet to be determined by Judge Guido.
From: Martin Re: Forward marks Dear Webby, Sorry about all the forward marks that will likely appear. It's the biggest problem I have with Thunderbird. Anything I try to drag into a new email (or drag it up in the original) leaves only a blank outline with a red dot in the upper left corner. That's what I miss about my old NS 4.8 more than anything. ;-( Martin Dear Martin Go to my toolbox at and look for this icon: With the Strip program you can strip all the AOL flags off any text. Highlight the text that you want to forward, CTRL C Jump to Strip CTRL V Strip Copy Close and you are back in the email program. CTRL V to paste and you got text as clean as if you had written it yourself. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Edna We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway. "Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!" "Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Everything about my new townhouse was great, except for one thing. I couldn't find my mailbox. It wasn't on the curb, nor was it by my front door. I was stymed. To the rescue came the development's manager. "The location of your mailbox should be indicated in the welcome package," he assured me. "It's the one we mailed to you." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Pay Yourself First We have direct deposit and our credit union will automatically transfer a set amount of money each pay period to our savings account. At first it hurt a little but now we don't even think about it. It's like another bill we pay except it's to ourselves! By Cheryl Many companies also have a payroll deduction savings plan with better interest, than you get downtown. Definitely worth checking out! DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
The 185th Munich Oktoberfest!
___________________________________________________ >From Connie: Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, “Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?” “Dang,” says his friend, “and I just joined The Elks!!” ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Barry for this story: A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion , she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN, What's your name? "Maury Fishbein" he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the Wars and hatred to stop, I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a f@#$%^g wall." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 25 in
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his second
voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 

1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer Vasco
Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. He named
the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just the first
European to see the Pacific Ocean. 

1690 One of America's earliest newspapers published its first and
last edition. The "Publik Occurences Both Foreign and Domestik"
was published at the London Coffee House in Boston, MA, by
Benjamin Harris. 

1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the American
Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on Montreal. 

1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the
Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of Rights. 

1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by General
Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey, Mexico. 

1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S. National
Park in Central California. 

1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in
which the practice of polygamy was renounced. 

1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech in
Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the Treaty of

1933 Tom Mix was heard on NBC Radio for the first time. His show
ran until June of 1950. 

1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation
between Newfoundland and Scotland. 

1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students were
escorted to class at Central High School in Little Rock, AR. The
children had been forced to withdraw 2 days earlier because of
unruly white mobs. 

1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific Ocean
after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days. 

1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated", filed a
suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that Major League
Baseball could not bar female writers from the locker room after
the game. 

1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of the
U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd justice.
She had been nominated the previous July by U.S. President Ronald

1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a
potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm after
a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning system. It
was later discovered the alarms had been set off when the
satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted sunlight
reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy missiles. 

1986 An 1894 S Barber Head dime was bought for $83,000 at a coin
auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist. 

1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape Cod
in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around $400 million. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air embargo
against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a worldwide
arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its warring factions. 

1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old
Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his biological

1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost $980
million. The probe has not been heard from since it reached Mars
in August of 1993. 

1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the Independence

1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and
battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours. 

2001 Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the NBA as
a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became the president
of basketball operations for the team on January 19, 2000. 

2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue of
foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between government
troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to take over the
government on September 19. 

2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service.

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Change wallpaper 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 23

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man attempts to rape 76-year-old woman 
in SE Portland, daughter helps to 
fight him off

Today, September 23 in
1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the 
planet Neptune. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I like life. It's something to do. --- Ronnie Shakes ______________________________________________________ A police officer pulls over a car load of nuns.... Officer: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?" Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65." Officer: "Oh Sister, that's not the speed limit. That's the name of the highway you're on!" Sister: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful." At this point the officer looks in the back seat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. Officer: "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible." Sister: "Oh, we just got off of highway 119." After he sent them on their way, the officer radioed in what had happened and could hardly contain his laughter. Then the dispatcher told him to go chase those nuns and shoot their tires out before they get to the 401. ------------- The 401 is the "Highway Of Heroes", where soldiers killed in action are brought from the airport to the coroners building in Toronto. Whenever there is a convoy of hearses with fallen soldiers, people pack the overpasses and salute. We also plant one tree along the Highway Of Heroes for each fallen soldier. The 401 is a fast freeway, but 401 km/h (244.5 mph) is a bit fast for elderly nuns. ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this....true story. A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. With a slow smile, the actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three grown children, you're fifty years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Oh for heavens sake did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His best friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops - in shock. "What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the 'Jewish Journal'!" The elderly man replies, "The Jewish Journal has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel - all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about good news." His friend gasps, "WHAT good news could possibly be in that paper???" "Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money, the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the Jews control Hollywood -- see? It's all *good* news!" ______________________________________________________ Just want to tell ya, Gullible Warming is out of fashion for a spell. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Krystal Milne, 33, Hampton, Virginia Man attempts to rape 76-year-old woman in SE Portland, daughter helps to fight him off A daughter helped her mom fight off a man, who broke into their southeast Portland home and attempted to rape the 76-year-old woman. On the night of Sept. 12, Barbara Stross woke up when she felt something plop down on her bed. "I thought for a minute there was an animal," the elderly woman said. But, she quickly realized there was a man inside her basement apartment and he was laying right on top of her. "He put his hand over my mouth, kept saying, ‘shh, shh.’" She said she began to scream for her daughter, Ingrid, who was upstairs in the main house. As she screamed, her attacker put his hands down on her neck, trying to strangle her. But, the 5-foot-tall, 100-pound woman, fought back. "I’m not used to putting up with being beaten up," she said. More than a week later, she still has the bruises. "There’s some scratches that are healing," Stross said. Hearing her mother’s screams, Ingrid Renan Clark, said she ran down the two flights of stairs to her mother’s detached apartment. She said, when she burst in the door, she began to scream aggressively. "I remember thinking I need to scream really low. I didn’t necessarily want him to know I was a woman." Renan Clark told FOX 12, she charged at the man, pushing him. The alleged attacker, who police have identified as 30-year-old Joseph Green Jr., ran away, leaving his pants on the bedroom floor. The two women said, they immediately locked the door behind him and called 911. According to court documents, a short time later, a Portland Police officer saw two men fighting and one of them was only wearing boxers. Police said, it turns out, Green tried to break into another home, just blocks away, but was confronted by the man who lives there. Stross and her daughter were driven to that second home, where Renan Clark was able to identify him as the man who attempted to rape her mother. Renan Clark told FOX 12 she knew her mother’s alleged attacker by name and had spoken with him on three occasions. According to her, he is homeless and, based on their previous interactions, she thought he was kind and gentle. Investigators said Green, who appeared in court on Friday, later confessed to breaking into the two women’s home and trying to have sex with Stross. Green is now facing at least a dozen felony charges and is due back in court in November. He is currently being held at the Multnomah County Jail. Although the two women were rattled by the attempted rape, they said they do not want to live in fear. "I don’t feel unsafe. I mean, we’re both strong women," Renan Clark said. They said, they’re going to enroll in free self-defense classes Portland Police Bureau offers and they encourage others to do the same.
From Fred Re: Change wallpaper Dear Webby: Could you please tell me how to put new wall paper on Gateway desktop. It is not a laptop I have a Windows 7 Thank you Fred Dear Fred Right-click a blank part of the desktop and choose Personalize. The Control Panel’s Personalization pane appears. Click the Desktop Background option along the window’s bottom left corner Click any of the pictures, and Windows 7 quickly places it onto your desktop’s background. Found a keeper? Click the Save Changes button to keep it on your desktop. If not, click the Picture Location menu to see more choices. Or, if you’re still searching, move to the next step. Click the Browse button and click a file from inside your personal Pictures folder. Most people store their digital photos in their Pictures folder or library. To make it easy on yourself, make a new folder, that is easy to find, for example C:\WALLS Whenever you see a suitable picture, for example in the Humor Letter, save it to that folder. Then, when you feel like changing the desktop wallpaper, you know where to find it. Click Save Changes and exit the Desktop Background window when you’re satisfied with your choices. Exit the program, and your chosen photo stays stuck to your desktop as the background. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart. Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the reply, "Excuse me." What she said instead was "Watch out, here comes another one!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Checkout Surprise No Jumping on The Mattress
While it's a lot of fun, don't let kids or adults jump on mattresses. It can permanently damage the supports inside the mattress and cause it to wear out faster. A small trampoline is much cheaper than buying a new mattress. It can also be dangerous. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Yakutsk: The coldest city in the world.
___________________________________________________ One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The stupid lion got himself in trouble, let him get himself out of it." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 23 in
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!" 

1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British. 

1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition,
reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific

1845 The Knickerbocker Base Ball Club of New York was formed by
Alexander Joy Cartwright. It was the first baseball team in

1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet

1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier. 

1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on the
west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast by
CBS-TV from New York. 

1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. The
Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31 cities. 

1952 Richard Nixon gave his "Checkers Speech". At the time he
was a candidate for U.S. vice-president. 

1957 Nine black students withdrew from Little Rock Central High
School in Arkansas due to the white mob outside. 

1962 "The Jetsons" premiered on ABC-TV. It was the first
program on the network to be carried in color. 

1964 The new ceiling painting of the Paris Opera house was
unveiled. The work was done by Russian-born artist Marc

1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned to
power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva Duarte,
was the subject of the musical "Evita." 

1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what
became known as Radio Marti. 

1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro
Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence
level" of America. 

1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil fields
and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force it from

1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's
secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered a
standoff with authorities in Iraq. 

1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord. 

1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African government
after a parliamentary vote. 

1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano
Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. The
girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall onto a rocky

2018  smiled.

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Underlined letter for hot keys 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 22

So far September has been cold and snowy. The "Gullible
Warming" cycle is definitely being replaced by the "Ice Age Is
Coming" cycle. Last time we were in that cycle in the early
70s, they blamed it on our muscle cars. What are they going to
blame it on this time, so that they can put the blame on you? 

It won't work on me. I know about the cycles, and I read the
Farmers Almanac. Invest in Snow Blowers! 30 years from now we
will have Gullible Warming again, but until then we are in a
cool cycle. 

Oh, right, it's all Trump's fault! That guy is too cool!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Girlfriend caught using glitter & crayons 
to mail drugs to boyfriend in Hampton jail

Today, September 22 in
1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the 
ice cream cone. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) With donkeys, philosophers and politicians it is sometimes difficult to tell whether they are thinking really deep thoughts, or whether they have bottomed out. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ Anni suggested a book for Sam to read to enhance their relationship. It's entitled, 'Women are From Venus, Men Are Wrong' ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing nearby. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so: "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Krystal Milne, 33, Hampton, Virginia Girlfriend caught using glitter & crayons to mail drugs to boyfriend in Hampton jail A woman is accused of using glitter glue and crayons to get drugs to her boyfriend inside of the Hampton City Jail. Krystal Milne, a 33-year-old from Hampton was arrested on August 16. She is accused of attempting to mail suspected narcotics into the jail located on the 100 block of High Court Lane. Court documents reveal that a detective was monitoring a jailhouse phone call between inmate Robert Davis and his girlfriend, Milne. Documents state the two were discussing that narcotics be mailed to Davis while in jail. Milne is accused of telling him to pay special attention to the middle cloud in the picture and that she was going to try and “use glitter glue this time," according to documents. Hampton Police said Milne is the only one facing charges. The detective reportedly told the Sheriff’s Office to be on alert for mail being delivered to the jail. On August 16 the Sheriff’s Department said they received three letters sent from Milne to Davis and each one contained suspected narcotics as described in the phone call. Documents state the narcotics were concealed by using glitter glue and crayons. Milne was arrested for one count of delivery of drugs to a prisoner and possession of marijuana.
From Crystal Re: Underlined shortcut letters Dear Webby: I have used the underlined letters in menus as short-cut keys for ages. Now my dear but rather klutzy hubby did a whole lot of changes and somehow disabled them. He does not remember which of the dozens of changes he made could have caused that. Help! Crystal Dear Crystal Right-click the Desktop, choose Properties, and click the Appearance tab. Click the Effects button and remove the check mark from the line: Hide Underlined Letters for Keyboard Navigation Until I Press The Alt Key. Hit OK a bunch of times to step out of that and the underlines all appear, ready to be used for shortcuts. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
That bonehead reminded me of a letter Linda had sent me some time ago: >From Linda A relative called and asked me if I could loan her $400 to help her pay her rent. I told her...give me a minute let me check my account and I'll call you right back." Before I could check my funds, my aunt called and said, "Don't give her any money because she's lying". My aunt proceeded to tell me that she wants to use that $400 to get her boyfriend out of jail because she wants to be under the same roof with him for the holidays!!! So I thought about it for a minute, and decided to go ahead and give her the $400. I called and said, "Come on, I got you." A couple hours later, I got a call from the County Jail, and it was her... "Why did you give me counterfeit money?!" I replied with the best answer I could: "So you and your boyfriend would be under the same roof for the holidays. You're welcome."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year- old, but it's got to be simple enough for his father to play, too." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Checkout Surprise Shop at Bakery Outlets If possible, buy your bread, hamburger and hot dog buns, etc. at a bakery outlet store. In my area, I can get a loaf of bread for .55, as opposed to over $1.00 or more at the grocery store. Go twice a month, and freeze the loaves. You'll save a bundle, and it's definitely worth the trip! By Marlene Ask your Bakery Outlet what days are their sale days. They quite often have much cheaper prices on these days. Also, if you have chickens you can get feed bread for next to nothing. Susan I vaguely remember bakery outlet stores. Good old days! Nowadays, where each supermarket gets their breads frozen, by the truckload, and thaws it out as needed, and refreezes leftovers, those bargains are history. No more sale days on bread, unless you get on REALLY good terms with staff there. There are no more bakers around. The bakers are maybe a thousand miles away. The stores just have staff thawing and heating frozen bread according to the schedule taped to the freezer by the manager. If you want actually fresh bread, go to Tim Hortons or Subway. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by
What Ali wore. I love this story, a man "dressed to the nines" everyday.
___________________________________________________ A couple went shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours later. The husband was at their appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife. After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented. Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a beautiful lady on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said, "Please, talk to me! Quick!" She said, "Why?" "Because I've been looking for my wife all over this silly mall and I can't find her," the man replied. "How will talking to me help you find your wife? I have absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is." "I didn't think you did. However, every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 22 in

1792 The French Republic was proclaimed. 

1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation
Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held within rebel
states would be free as of January 1, 1863. 

1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the ice cream

1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German submarine
in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were killed. This event
alerted the British to the effectiveness of the submarine. 

1927 In Chicago, IL, Gene Tunney successfully defended his
heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous
"long-count" fight. 

1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb

1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules
said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour and
there was no Sunday morning TV permitted. 

1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy signed a congressional act
that established the Peace Corps. 

1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon. 

1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into a
full-scale war. 

1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and voiced a new hope for arms control. He also
criticized the Soviet Union for arresting U.S. journalist
Nicholas Daniloff. 

1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of
Japanese-Canadian's during World War II. They also promised

1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yemeni and Jordanian
envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific. 

1991 An article in the London newspaper "The Mail" revealed
that John Cairncross admitted to being the "fifth man" in the
Soviet Union's British spy ring. 

1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its role
in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina. 

1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti. 

1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to
privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop
plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving the

1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and
told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time". He
then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the U.S.

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Surgeon and girlfriend raped hundreds

Today, September 21 in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish 
the monarchy. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), ______________________________________________________ Goldblum was seated comfortably in his living room one evening when a rock crashed through the window and landed at his feet, amidst a shower of splintered glass. To the rock was attached a note: "Unless you pay us $10,000 according to instructions, we will kidnap your wife." After some thought, Smith sat down at his desk and penned a reply: "Gentlemen, Your rock of this date has been received. I don't have $10,000 busgeted for that project. However, keep in touch, as your proposition interests me." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. "How awful !" exclaimed the wife. "Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Vickey for this one: "Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck, his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married." ______________________________________________________ Boys need Fries. Watch their legs below the cardboard! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Grant W. Robicheaux, 38, Newport Beach, California Calif. Surgeon and Girlfriend May Have Raped Hundreds California prosecutors say Robicheaux drugged victims. We've all heard of a wolf in sheep's clothing," Orange County DA Tony Rackauckas told reporters Tuesday. "Well, a wolf can wear scrubs or doctor's clothing. Or a wolf can be a beautiful woman." Rackauckas announced that a prominent surgeon and his girlfriend have been charged with sexually assaulting two women and prosecutors suspect there could be many more victims, KTLA reports. Grant William Robicheaux, 38, and Cerissa Laura Riley, 31, have been charged with multiple felonies including rape by the use of drugs. Prosecutors say the couple worked in tandem to find victims, drug them, and bring them back to Robicheaux's apartment, where they videotaped sexual assaults. Robicheaux and Riley are accused of possessing large quantities of drugs, including GHB, cocaine, and ecstasy. Prosecutors tell the BBC that the suspects' phones yielded "thousands and thousands" of videos of possible victims. "There are several videos where the women in the videos appear to be highly intoxicated beyond the ability to consent or resist and they are barely responsive to the defendants' sexual advances," Rackauckas says. "Based on this evidence we believe there might be many unidentified victims out there." He says prosecutors believe the "defendants used their good looks and charms to lower the inhibitions of their potential prey." Robicheaux appeared in an episode of the Bravo reality series Online Dating Rituals of the American Male, reports People.
From Connie Re: Roboform Dear Webby: I have read where some people are having problems with RoboForm, so my question is: is it okay/safe to use? I seem to remember you saying you were going to research and see if there was something better. Since I've been trusting your advice for so long I've not updated to their version 8.5.3, should I do so or continue to wait? Thanks for all the advice. I certainly appreciate it. Nigle Dear Nigle RoboForm has become evil shit, that steals all your passwords. The totally incompetent morons redesigned it so that there is absolutely NO way to recover your master password if you or somebody washes it off your office wall. That makes it totally useless. Right now I am using Chrome to store my passwords. It uses the same Master password as my Gmail, and they have a civilized recovery, as long as you have an alternate email address. They will email it to that. No problem. Seems they have somebody with a brain working there. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone...."
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Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Checkout Surprise Tired of being surprised by the total when you get at the checkout? Carry a small calculator and keep a running total as you go through the store. It eliminates the surprise (or shock) of hearing the total from the checker and also makes it easy to stick to your grocery budget. Tip provided by
Yakutsk: The coldest city in the world.
___________________________________________________ Prayer One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river. "Poof!" God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this river. "Poof!" God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, ability, a nd intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, walked a quarter mile upriver and across the bridge. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 21 in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the

1784 "The Pennsylvania Packet and Daily Advertiser" was
published for the first time in Philadelphia. It was the first
daily paper in America. 

1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first
American gasoline-powered automobile for a test drive. The
"horseless carriage" was designed by Frank and Charles Duryea. 

1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa
Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter from 8-year-
old Virginia O'Hanlon. 

1931 Britain went off the gold standard. 

1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast
territory of Manchuria. 

1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published. 

1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic of

1961 Antonio Abertondo swam the English Channel (in both
directions) in 24 hours and 25 minutes. 

1964 Malta gained independence from Britain. 

1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The spacecraft
completed the first unmanned round-trip flight to the moon. 

1973 Henry Kissinger was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become
56th Secretary of State. He was the first naturalized citizen
to hold the office of Secretary of State. 

1981 The U.S. Senate confirmed Sandra Day O'Connor to be the
first female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain. 

1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was the
brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect when he
was assassinated. 

1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their
family reunion program. 

1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he was
ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was
effectively seizing all state power. 

1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted to
admit women. 

2018  smiled.

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How do I find my IP number? 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 20

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie

Today, September 20 in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find
a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed
during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. --- Chuck Reid ______________________________________________________ I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were. "Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium, ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked ones," I answered. "All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ For the second time in six weeks a man had fallen off his horse and broken some ribs. Coincidentally, the doctor in the emergency room at the hospital was the same both times. Since there isn't much that can be done for broken ribs, he prescribed a pain killer and sent the man on his way. As the man turned to leave, he jokingly asked, "Is there anything you can recommend for my horse?" The doctor paused and thought for a moment, then said, "If it were me, I'd get another rider." ______________________________________________________ Sunshine Skyway Bridge, Florida _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A sad Bassett Hound was relating his troubles to his friend. "I'm really depressed all the time and I think negative thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always tired." "Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend. "Well, I would," said the Bassett Hound, "except that I'm not allowed on the couch. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Crystal Ely, 29, Jacksonville, Florida Woman arrested after trying to hire hitman to kill husband A 29-year-old Jacksonville woman was arrested Thursday after police said she attempted to hire someone to kill her husband. According to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office, a man told police in August that Crystal Ely asked him for help finding someone to murder her husband, and JSO began an undercover operation. Ely unknowingly met with an undercover JSO officer four times in September -- reiterating her desire to have the officer kill her husband in exchange for money. An arrest report states she provided the undercover officer with a picture of her husband, a diagram of the inside of the business she and her husband worked at and instead of money she initially mentioned, she gave him a pair of earrings and two rings as payment. Each meeting was recorded in its entirety, police stated in the report. She was arrested at the fourth meeting on Sept. 13 after giving the officer the jewelry and picture of her husband, one including her family. Ely faces two capital felony crimes: criminal conspiracy and criminal solicitation. Ely, 29, is being held without bond, online jail records show. When found guilty, Ely will likely face up to 30 years in prison.
From Connie Re: My IP number Dear Webby: How can I find out what my IP number is ? Thanks Connie Dear Connie Because I get asked that question about once a week, I made a web site to tell you that number: It is probably the fastest site on the net! If your ISP changes your IP frequently, or if you travel a lot, bookmark that site. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"More trouble for Britney Spears. She was charged with not having a valid California driver's license. You know why Britney didn't have a license here in California? Because she's here legally." --- Jay Leno ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't you come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman. Tip provided by
Yakutsk: The coldest city in the world.
___________________________________________________ >From Malcolm Thanks- here's an old one- something to read whilst I nip into BD-John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen." "I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 20 in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find
a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed
during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the

1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian troops,
leading to the unification of Italy. 

1921 KDKA in Pittsburgh, PA, started a daily radio newscast. It
was one of the first in the U.S. 

1946 WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote a
motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown. 

1962 James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from
enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross R.
Barnett. Meredith was later admitted. 

1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.-
Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General

1967 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It
went out of service on November 27, 2008. 

1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco
from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S.,
France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops back
to Beirut. 

1989 F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South Africa. 

1992 French voters approved the Maastricht Treaty. 

1995 AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three
companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent Technologies,
and NCR Corp. 

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the
national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide their
own speed limits. 

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Durability of a DVD 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 19

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie

Today, September 19 in
1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an egg to throw at that Pelosi poster." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment." "So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked his friend. "Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Approaching the counter at a local post office, Text-End said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "So, Mullany, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," Mullany shook his head. "Whenever I mention sex, they object." ___________________________________________________ What is it with the Googly Eyes? Liars and users of a certain type of dope all pose with strenuously wide open Googly Eyes, imitating Pet Rocks. Is that a political statement or a left wing salute? An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Carter, 23, Cory Jackson, 20, Findlay, Hanstock County, Ohio Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie An Ohio woman has been charged with raping and robbing a male taxi driver while an accomplice held the victim at knifepoint, according to investigators. Brittany Carter, 23, was named this month in a two-count felony indictment charging her with aggravated robbery and rape in connection with the alleged attack earlier this year in Findlay, a city about 40 miles south of Toledo. According to cops, two black males and a white female called for a cab to pick them up at a TownePlace Suites hotel around 4:25 AM. During the subsequent trip, police allege, passenger Cory Jackson, 20, pulled out a knife and placed it against the 29-year-old driver's throat. While the victim was being held at knifepoint, Carter allegedly performed a sex act on the Trinity Express Cab Service driver. Before fleeing the vehicle, Carter and Jackson took $32 from the victim's pocket, police charge. The driver, cops say, was not injured during the incident. Carter's indictment accuses her of having purposely compelled the victim to engage in sexual conduct by force or threat of force. Jackson has been charged with aiding and abetting Carter's rape of the taxi driver. He has also been indicted for aggravated robbery. The third passenger will be charged once he is identified, police say. Pictured above, Carter is being held at the Hancock County jail in lieu of $60,000 bond. Carter was indicted twice last year on felony drug charges, according to court records that show both cases are pending. One indictment accuses Carter of possessing heroin, while the second indictment alleges that she allowed her vehicle to be used in the trafficking of heroin. Jackson, who remains at large, is also wanted on a murder warrant issued in a neighboring Ohio county.
From: Dianne Re: Durability of DVDs Dear Webby: I think it's time to remind your readers again that DVDs don't last forever. Some friends of mine lost irreplaceable pictures of a family reunion, because they entrusted them to a DVD. It was the last reunion for some of the people there, and they can't go back to re-take the pictures. It was heartbreak to find out that all those pictures are gone. Dianne Dear Dianne Yes, nobody ever claimed that DVDs or CDs would last forever. If they are handled carefully and stored in a cool, dark place, they last a long time, but if they are handled frequently or shipped, their life span goes down accordingly. The safest storage is a portable USB hard drive kept in a safety deposit box far away from the computer. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy... 9. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah. 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper. 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx invented Communist income tax so that the harder you work, the more days per week you work for the Government.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing To make laundry sorting easier and faster I have a blue 10 gallon trash can for blue jeans, a white one for whites, and a green one for everything else. It wasn't hard training my children to use them either (even the 17 year old!) By Angie Tip provided by
The Boab prison trees of Australia.
___________________________________________________ A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset about something. She announced, "As soon as we get home I'm going to run away." Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work, so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't you just run away from here?" The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know my way to grandma's house from here." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!" Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too." The young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 19 in
1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and
France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King John. 

1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers during
the Revolutionary War. 

1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 

1891 "The Merchant of Venice" was performed for the first time at

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to
giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 

1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt by
the army and navy. 

1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test. The
test took place in the Nevada desert. 

1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due to
security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily. 

1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the United
Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily after a
dispute with the management. 

1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an
online message. 

1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were supported
in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut.

1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement transferring
Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997. 

1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an
experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients. 

1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite. 

1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that
were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government. 

1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending Yugoslavia
due to its role in the Bosnian civil war. 

1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the return
of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 

1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S.
ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed by
three U.S. servicemen. 

1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a
peace treaty to end their long war. 

2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to
overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September 25th to
help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer areas. 

2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop "AOL"
from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The company had
announced its merger and name change on January 10, 2000
In the end, after Time Warner had harvested the AOL address 
books, list of advertisers and a few techs, they kicked them 
out. Eventually Verizon bought AOL becasue of their expertise 
in tech support.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 18

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

English rapist who took his child victim out to a 
nightclub and plied her with Jagerbombs until 
3am, has been jailed for 14 years.

Today, September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British. 
They don't speak English just yet
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from men who don't have any. --- Ann Richards ______________________________________________________ A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.... Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you." Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette. Man: "Oh thank you so much!" Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?" Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!" Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!" ------------- Glad I am not playing golf! ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "Absolutely." "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What would you do with him?" Came this reply from the back of the class: "Make him an officer!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of the small Catholic university where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness experienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded the college. "This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The tradition associated with that building, the memories of all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." "It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left my PalmPilot in there." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Phoenix, 30 Leigh, Greater Manchester Britain English rapist who took his child victim out to a nightclub and plied her with Jagerbombs until 3am has been jailed for 14 years. John Phoenix, 30, coaxed the girl, 12, into a ‘long, protracted’ lesbian kiss (Oral sex) with his girlfriend after taking her drinking. He then took her back to his apartment, where she passed out. She woke up 14 hours later, with no recollection of what had happened. Tests showed that Phoenix had raped her while she lay unconscious. The court heard the girl’s ordeal began on September 21 last year after she met Phoenix on Snapchat. After swapping messages over a two week period, she was invited out for an evening at Cafe Stella club in Leigh. Police rescued the victim from Phoenix’s flat in Leigh, Greater Manchester following a three day search after her mother reported her missing the first night Phoenix sent a cab to pick her up. During the hunt, officers had made a public appeal for information about the girl’s whereabouts and Phoenix spotted a picture of her on social media which confirmed she was 12. He said: ‘Is that you?’ and she said ‘Yes’ – but he then kept her in his flat whilst he went out with friends. In England doors can be locked from the outside to prevent anybody from exiting, even in an emergency. When arrested he claimed he thought the girl was 17. She has since tried to kill herself. In a statement, the girl’s mother said: ‘This is every parent’s worst nightmare and I feel like I have failed in my parental duties. I felt so angry when he said that he thought she was 17. I am so worried about her, I have even contemplated sleeping by the front door just in case she tries to leave again. ‘She is so precious to me and I don’t want to hear how she blames herself for what happened and how she wants to die. When I found out what the female did to my daughter as well, I felt sick. I found it hard to comprehend.’ The girl said: ‘What happened with John Phoenix will change me forever; I thought he was a friend.
From: Neil Re: Get Firefox Bookmark Icon back Dear Webby: In the latest version of firefox click on the three bar menu, select options, drag the bookmarks star over to the box on the right hand side of the screen and click done at the bottom of the page. This will add the bookmarks star back where it belongs. Neil Dear Neil Thanks! Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy! 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven porcupines. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. 7. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out Tee hee, Brutus. 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest. "But they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and and your pillar candles will last a long time. Tip provided by
Professionals at work.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Southern Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended at that point. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 18 in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British. 
They don't speak English just yet

1769 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first
piano had been built in North America. The instrument was named
the spinet and was made by John Harris. 

1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain. 

1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America,
raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when the
locomotive had some mechanical difficulties. 

1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S. Congress.
The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that had escaped
into other states. 

1851 The first issue of "The New York Times" was published. 

1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman to
ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was the Six
Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York. 

1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic

1927 Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System made its debut
with its network broadcast over 16 radio stations. The name was
later changed to CBS. 

1940 "You Can't Go Home Again" by Thomas Wolfe was published by
Harper and Brothers. 

1946 Mound Metalcraft was founded in Mound, MN. On November 23,
1955, the company changed its name to Tonka Toys Incorporated. 

1947 The United States Air Force was established as a separate
military branch by the National Security Act. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send
warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters that were searching for
hidden Iraqi weapons if it became necessary. 

1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October 15th.
This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them out of

1997 Ted Turner, U.S. Media magnate, announced that over the
next ten years he would give $1 billion to the United Nations. 

1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow medication
for AIDS patients. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 17

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling 
customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza 
if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo

Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance 
that expelled all Jews from France. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) Children are natural mimics who act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette." ----------- Don't feel bad. I have been a diabetic for about a dozen years, but I still have no clue what being light headed means. Smart-Ass I know, but light-headed???? ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the quarter. Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million dollars. Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, he will share his fortune with him. After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter." "Yes, I ! remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the stall door open!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dominos Pizza Russia Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo Domino’s Pizza have done a U-turn on a promotion that promised free pizzas for life to anyone who got a tattoo of their logo. The Russian branch of the fast food company promised those that got the inkings 100 free pizzas for the next 100 years. But it would appear the brand were not expecting so many people to take part, as they quickly had to change their promotion to the ‘first 350 people’ within days of it going live. And with many Russians desperate for their chance to have 10,000 free pizzas, the quota filled up at a rapid speed. ‘Friends, we already have 350 participants!’ Domino’s Russia urgently wrote on Facebook on September 10. ‘We are not receiving any new tattoos! ‘If you are at a tattoo artist’s and getting tattoos, we will include you in the list of participants. But we are waiting for pictures before 12:00 today. ‘For those [getting tattoos] later, we recommend cancelling the appointment, because unfortunately we will not be able to include you.’ The ‘Domino’s forever’ campaign had originally been due for two months, from August 31 until October 31. But while the promotion has now been officially closed, it would appear that some Russians have not quite got the memo. The latest image shared on Instagram was just four hours ago and is yet to warrant a reply from the company. While another picture posted yesterday depicting the logo embedded in a heart-shaped pizza has also been met with silence.
From: Bill Re: Firefox Bookmark Icon is gone Dear Webby: Until recently, I had a bookmark icon, a blue star, next to the address on all the Firefox pages. This has disappeared. How can I get it back? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill I have not used FireFox for probably half a dozen years, so I dusted it off and tried it again. Firefox Support has this to say: Bookmarks Icons disappeared | Firefox Support Forum | Mozilla Support Mar 16, 2016 - *"Remove from Toolbar" will remove this item from the Navigation Toolbar and moves it to the Customize palette ("3-bar" Firefox menu button > Customize) *"Move to Menu" will move this item to the "3-bar" Firefox menu button drop-down list *"Move to Toolbar" in the "3-bar" Firefox menu button drop-down list will move ... Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"Prison officials in New Jersey, this week, had to use tear gas to break up a prison riot. You know what they call tear gas in New Jersey? Air freshener." ---Jay Leno
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cooking Different Cuts of Meat Tough cuts of meat are best cooked with moisture like stewing or using a slow cooker. The moisture will soften tough cuts of meat and make them more appetizing. Tender cuts of meat should be cooked with dry heat by pan frying, barbecuing or oven roasting. Tip provided by
21 Simple but genius ideas that need to be implemented in every country immediately.
___________________________________________________ On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that expelled
all Jews from France. 

1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 

1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 

1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to both

1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler

1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It
took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to
Pasadena, CA. 

1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 

1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile. 

1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded
Poland on September 1. Germany's invasion caused Britain to
declare war against Germany and start WWII. Russia invading the
other half of Poland was considered traditional European border
re-arrangement and quite OK.

1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied
paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was behind
German lines in the Netherlands. 

1953 The Ochsner Foundation Hospital in New Orleans, LA,
successfully separated Siamese twins. Carolyn Anne and
Catherine Anne Mouton were connected at the waist when born. 

1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A.
Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts. 

1965 "Hogan's Heroes" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale,

1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black
woman to be crowned Miss America. 

1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they
were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami, FL.
It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 

1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S.
His fortune was $4.1 billion. 

1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 

1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being
taken over by China in 1997. 

1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace
talks. It was the first time that all of the major players had
come together. 

1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims in
the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7, 1998.

2018  smiled.

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Zoomable Fonts 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 16

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming 
Victim in Gas Station Bathroom

Today, September 16 in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
 rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
 Prince of Wales. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I know nothing about sex because I was always married. --- Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919 - ) - More quotations on: [Writing] Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. --- Alfred Korzybski ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid, some questions about different products he uses. MSS - Which shaving cream do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which aftershave do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which deodorant do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which toothpaste do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'? Is it an international company? Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate. ______________________________________________________ From Dad: This one bloomed today _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Ella Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shawn Thomas Hallett, 38, Levelland, Texas Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming Victim in Gas Station Bathroom Police arrested a man wearing a dress and wig after a woman accused him of filming her in the women’s bathroom of a Greenville, South Carolina, gas station. Shawn Thomas Hallett, 38, was arrested and charged with voyeurism after authorities received a call from the QuikTrip (QT) gas station on Academy Street near downtown Greenville, Fox Carolina reported. The victim said she was startled when she heard a male voice coming from a stall in which she could only see a pair of women’s shoes. Instead of leaving the bathroom, the victim used a different stall. But the woman said the situation escalated when she saw a hand holding a cell phone appear under the stall wall. Police took testimony from several witnesses who said they saw a man dressed as a woman leaving the bathroom. Greenville police found the accused near the gas station, still wearing the wig and women’s clothing. Police also said they found a video of the victim on Hallett’s cell phone.
From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Dear Jay Some people claim to be webmasters, others ARE, and don't care what title you use for them. Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site the way YOU want it, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Frieda: When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she wash and iron?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Quick Homemade Waffles I have an eight year old and we're always rushed in the mornings, so I make up a batch of waffles ahead of time and freeze them in individual serving sizes. Then you take them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster and they come out awesome! Tip provided by
Biltmore Estate's Secret Passages
___________________________________________________ During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 16 in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales. 

1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers

1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 

1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on
document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the
British. It was the first official use of the impression. 

1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. Miguel
Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish descent,
declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the small town of

1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds
of thousands of settlers. 

1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy"
Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds
car companies. 

1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective
Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime
military draft in U.S. history. 

1940 Samuel T. Rayburn of Texas was elected Speaker of the U.S.
House of Representatives. He served for 17 years. 

1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York. It
was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope

1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty
program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War.

1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be
ordained as priests and bishops. 

1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian
men, women and children began in refugee camps of the Lebanese
Christian militiamen. 

1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in
leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into

1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an
effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions of
harmful chemicals by the year 2000. 

1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President
George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message
warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into a
war "against the world." 

1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5
billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989
Exxon Valdez spill. 

1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on
the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 

1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss
classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the Places
You'll Go." 

2018  smiled.

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Mac Forum 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 15

5 cm (2") snow. 
Where is the Gullible Warming when you need it?
Is the ice age really coming?

Not really, it's just cycles, like the Farmer's Almanac and all
the old folks predicted. The Gullible Warming cycle is
finished, now we have the Ice Age Scare cycle, like we did when
the  do-gooders got mad at our muscle cars in the 70's.

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man accidentally shot self while 
fleeing fficers in Delaware County

Today, September 15 in
1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his favorite restaurant and ordered lunch. A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip. When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his "generosity" and she said she could tell the character of a diner by the way he tipped. "Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked. "You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a bachelor." "That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell you?" "The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." --- Gene Perret ______________________________________________________ Randa, Switzerland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Keon Williams, 20, Chester. Pennsylvania Man accidentally shot self while fleeing fficers in Delaware County Police say a man was injured after his gun went off while he was fleeing from officers on Saturday in Delaware County. According to the Upland Borough Police Department, an officer pulled over a white Lincoln Sedan for an expired inspection. After approaching the car the officer smelled marijuana, police say, and told both people inside the car to provide identification and step out of the vehicle. Police say that's when one of the men, 20-year-old Chester resident Keon Williams, fled the scene on foot. Officers were in pursuit when they say Williams pulled a semi- automatic firearm from his waistband, causing it to fire. The bullet hit Williams in his lower body. Police took Williams into custody and then sent him to the hospital for treatment of non-life-threatening injuries. Investigators say the gun Williams was carrying had been reported stolen. Williams was also in possession of drugs, drug paraphernalia, and more than $2,300 in cash. Williams is being charged with weapons possession, narcotics possession and related offenses.
From: Barbara C Re: Mac Forum Hi Webby, Barbara C can go to śApple Support Communitiesť and ask a question there or look for a similar question from someone else for the answers to her questions. There’s no cost involved. Have a great day! Best Regards, Patricia Dear Patricia She probably knows that, but I will tell her anyway. Most important is to get rid of the infection and pirating, that BestBuy and WebRoot were not able to control. She can have wise discussions on the Apple Support Communities after that. The people on that forum like Webroot, but we already know, that did not help. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" "Which one? Dried or canned?".
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
During her annual checkup, a well-built lady was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "That's all right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You get undressed and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness, "Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with my clothes?" "Your clothes?" answered the doctor. "Put them over here, on top of mine!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Buying Books Discount bookstores and used books stores usually sell books for half off cover price and online retailers can be even cheaper. The cheapest place to find books, by far, is garage sales and rummage sales. Books are usually only .25 to .50. Tip provided by
Incredible Paper Art from Japan's Mr. Riu
___________________________________________________ The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us grows best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade. "For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun, but fuchsias thrive in the shade." After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached him. "Your sermon did me so much good," she said. Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added, "I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
After our friend Tom had been a temporary Bachelor for several weeks, we stopped by his Home to visit him. My wife asked if he was eating Properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom Told her. "Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can't believe you would be eating anything Like that!" "Come to the kitchen and I'll show you," Tom replied. Opening the refrigerator door, He waved his hand at a row of doggie bags from half of the restaurants in town. ____________________________________________________

Today, September 15 in
1776 British forces occupied New York City during the American

1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador
proclaimed independence. 

1853 Reverend Antoinette Brown Blackwell was ordained becoming
first female minister in the United States. 

1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine.

1858 The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of the
U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the Butterfield
Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the journey between
Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA. 

1909 A New York judge ruled that Ford Motor Company had
infringed on George Seldon's patent for the "Road Engine." The
ruling was later overturned. 

1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his ignition
system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering Laboratories
Company) later became a subsidiary of General Motors. 

1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were
first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the

1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic. 

1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John
Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux Klan.
After this declaration national newspapers began to expose the
Klan and its criminal activities. 

1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin in
the mold Penicillium notatum. 

1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The act
stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the swastika
was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany. 

1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in
the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to
abandon his plans for invading Britain. 

1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the
Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto. 

1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to
relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul. 

1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point
scoring system for all of its matches. 

1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. 

1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to
begin a 13-day visit. 

1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons. 

1965 "Lost in Space" premiered on CBS TV. 

1965 "Green Acres" premiered on CBS TV. 

1971 Greenpeace was founded. 

1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World
Heavyweight Boxing title. 

1982 The first issue of "USA Today" was published. 

1983 The U.S. Senate joined the U.S. House of Representatives
in their condemning of the Soviet Union for shooting down a
Korean jet with 269 people onboard. 

1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000
soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi military
attaches in Paris. 

1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning the
crime of carjacking. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders "Your
time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power." 

1995 The U.N. Fourth World Conference on Women was held in

1997 The domain name "" was registered. 

1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to be
on full alert and massed troops on its border with Afghanistan.

1998 It was announced that 5.9 million people read The Starr
Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White House
defense of U.S. President Clinton. 

1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a
multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor. 

2003 In Independence, MO, the birthplace of Ginger Rogers was
designated a local landmark. The move by the Independence City
Council qualified the home for historic preservation. 

2012 Legoland Malaysia opened in Nusajaya, Johor, Malaysia.

2018  smiled.

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Infected Mac 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Due to a total lack of Gullible Warming, we had snow today.
Obama says it's trump's fault.

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and 
Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike

Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
 Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop  looting!
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. --- Lucille S. Harper Some people will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon. --- Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744) ----------or think they do ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The following was overheard at a recent high society party... "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced." The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again." ______________________________________________________ Rugby hurts! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband than she did, but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jy Kennedy, 24, Weoley Castle, Birmingham England Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike A burglar downed 24 bottles of beer and a bottle of Jägermeister before he tried to escape from police on a bicycle. Jy Kennedy, who had also taken cocaine, was chased by police for a mile as he made a number of U-turns to shake them off. The 24-year-old eventually crashed into a police car and fell off, ending the chase on August 5 in Weoley Castle, Birmingham. Kennedy, of Pershore Road, Selly Oak, who had previously admitted burglary and theft, and had asked for three other burglaries to be taken into consideration, was jailed for two years. The chase began after two officers heard a burglar alarm go off in Bournville Lane and spotted Kennedy cycling along clutching a flat screen TV. Mark Phillips, prosecuting at Birmingham Crown Court, said: It was quite clear the defendant was drunk. He tried to run but did not get very far and was arrested. When police searched his home they found a number of items he had taken from the same address earlier laid out on his bed including a jewellery box, a camcorder and a watch. When quizzed, Kennedy said he had been recently released from prison and was bored. Mr Phillips said: ‘He took cocaine at about 6am and bought and drank 24 bottles of Budweiser followed by a bottle of Jagermeister. ‘It was in that state he had gone out to burgle.’ Judge Roderick Henderson said it was clear Kennedy had visited the address more than once and that he had taken some items of sentimental value which had never been recovered. Delroy Henry, defending, said Kennedy had shown a lack of maturity and still had a lot of growing up to do. He was soon to be a father and would miss his first born’s birth if sent to jail.
From: Barbara C Re: Infected Mac Hello Webby, I have had a Mac lap top for less than 2 years. A while back I allowed who I thought was An Amazon rep into the computer. When I realized the mistake the link was severed. Soooo I had Best Buy take a look because I wasn’t sure if it had been compromised. They added Webroot. Now it buffers and is slow to take commands. Is that protection really neccesary since I thought Mac was set up to be protected against attack. Can I just stop that program? Some help would be a appreciated. Thanks Barbara Dear Barbara I have not touched a Mac since the days, when you were still jail bait. However, I know that the concept that Macs are protected is just BS and advertising. As you found out, they are not protected. On the Humor Letter, you see the links for Malwarebytes. Get that to clean up your Mac and to protect it. Then you can UNinstall that webroot. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
> Uncle Chuk Life has taught me that no matter how dark it seems, there's always a light on at the Motel 6. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Keep Socks Together Attach pairs of socks with a safety pin before putting them in the washer. Even better, pin them together when you take them off and toss them in the dirty clothes hamper. The best safety pins are diaper safety pins which are less likely to damage other clothing. Tip provided by
Wildly beautiful photos of Flamingos from the air.
___________________________________________________ Rosh Hashanah is a time for introspection, and purifying one's soul, In conjunction with this is the custom of Tashlich, where people take crumbs and throw them into a river or other body of water to symbolize throwing away one's sins and starting the new year fresh. However, times have changed... Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. Instead, consider these options this year for Rosh Hashanah: For ordinary sins, use White Bread For exotic sins, French Bread For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel For complex sins, Multi-grain For twisted sins, Pretzels For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes For sins of indecision, Waffles For sins committed in haste, Matzah For sins of chutzpah, Bread that's fresh For substance abuse, Poppy Seed For committing arson, Toast For committing auto theft, Caraway For being ill tempered, Sourdough For silliness, Nut Bread For jingoism,Yankee Doodles For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls For immodest dressing, Tarts For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes For promiscuity, Hot Buns For being holier than thou, Bagels For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah For trashing the environment, Dumplings For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread For inhaling, Stoned Wheat For your convenience, your local delicatessen has pre-mixed bread crumbs for sale. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop  looting! 

1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a poem
originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after witnessing
the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, during the War of
1812. The song became the official U.S. national anthem on
March 3, 1931. 

1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the
leadership of General Winfield Scott. 

1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 

1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first automobile

1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, at
age 42, succeeded him. 

1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 

1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on
the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 

1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. Congress
providing the first peacetime draft in the United States. 

1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man-made
object on the moon when it crash landed on the surface. 

1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait,
Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 

1963 Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first surviving

1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton
the first U.S.-born saint. 

1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 

1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a
resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down of
a Korean jet on September 1. 

1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U-ramp
and set a new skateboard high jump record. 

1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested its
Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target. 

2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks on the

2009 Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service between
London and Portsmouth or Southampton. 

2015 In Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA, the Laser
Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors
detected gravitational waves for the first time. The news was
reported on February 11, 2016. 

2018  smiled.

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Russian ISP 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 13

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Woman stabbed naked boyfriend 
in bed when he said no to sex

Today, September 13 in
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner "ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections." --- Argus Hamilton ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband." ______________________________________________________ Mandarin Duck _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant. A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is charcoal intolerant." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Vicky Ludlow, 37, Worcestershire, England Woman stabbed naked boyfriend in bed when he said no to sex A woman stabbed her boyfriend with a steak knife as they lay naked together in bed because he had turned her down for sex, a court heard. Vicky Ludlow, 37, left her boyfriend with a punctured lung in the stabbing at his flat in Fenton, Stoke-on- Trent. In the early hours of April 26, Ludlow who was drunk told her boyfriend: 'I'm going to stab you', Stoke-on-Trent Crown Court was told. The man managed to escape the house and lock Ludlow inside, but fell down the stairs where he was found naked by a neighbour with 'blood everywhere'. She has now been jailed for six years after admitting the attack. Prosecutor Glyn Samuel said the victim's injury 'felt like a punch because it made a thud'. 'It was only when the knife was withdrawn as it had a serrated edge that he realised what it was,' the prosecutor said. 'She had a steak knife in her hand. He pinned her down. He managed to twist her arm so the knife stabbed in the mattress. He fled. He locked her in the flat and called 999. He felt dizzy and fell down the stairs. His neighbour heard a commotion caused by the defendant banging on the inside of the door. She found the victim covered in blood. Ludlow, from Worcestershire, pleaded guilty to wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.
From: Bill Re: Russian ISP Dear Webby, I have six computers, two of which are connected to the internet. I have had the same ISP for over ten years. I had a question, and called my ISP. He looked up my internet connection, and (sounding somewhat confused), he informed me that I was no longer connected to his company. He informed me that my ISP is in Russia. He then asked me if I would like to be connected to his company, since I have been paying them to be my ISP for the past ten years. I replied that being connected to his company rather than some ISP in Russia would be nice. I could tell no difference between the ISP in Russia and the local ISP. Just thought you might be interested. Thank you, Bill Dear Bill Next, I suppose, Mueller will investigate you for not voting for Broom Hilda. Sounds like bullshit to me. Are you using dial-up or DSL or cable or fibre? You can easily check your connection. In Windows, hit START, type cmd ENTER You will get DOS. Yes, you still have DOS underneath all the rigmarole. Type tracert ENTER DOS will trace your way to You can, of course, trace to any domain you want, including the one of your ISP. Here I get: Microsoft Windows [Version 6.1.7601] Copyright (c) 2009 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. C:\Users\Helmut>tracert Tracing route to [] over a maximum of 30 hops: 1 <1 ms <1 ms <1 ms 2 5 ms 15 ms 5 ms 3 54 ms 54 ms 54 ms [] 4 55 ms 55 ms 55 ms [] 5 57 ms 56 ms 56 ms [] 6 * * * Request timed out. 7 149 ms 156 ms 147 ms [] 8 55 ms 55 ms 55 ms [] Trace complete. You should get something similar The potholes at hop #6 and the long time on #7 indicate that some major router, looks like Chicago, is down and the Internet re-routs around the problem via Montreal, but in the end gets to in 55 Milliseconds. There are sites, that show you a map of your trace route. They are often very busy and very slow. will even show you a satellite shot of where that IP number is located. However, even just the tracert will give you an idea where you are connected. If you were dialing to a Russian ISP, your phone bill would be astronomical. I would guess that whoever you talked to was a clueless politician, and was just bullshitting you. If you want to see your own IP number, browse to Then you can send that IP number to me, and I will trace to it. Have FUN DearWebby

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room." The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from How Many Meals When buying meat, calculate how many meals you think you can get out of the package and divide that by how much it costs. Try to get as many meals out of each meat purchase as possible. Tip provided by
Lets take a trip to St. Petersburg, Russia and see two palaces.
___________________________________________________ A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leapt from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains of
Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 

1789 The United States Government took out its first loan. 

1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the Mexican-
American War. 

1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid photographic
film, which is used to make movies. 

1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit. 

1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new airspeed
record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged Bullet). 

1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China. 

1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe to
reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 

1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola. 

1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. A
total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971. 

1971 The World Hockey Association was formed. 

1977 The first American diesel automobiles were introduced by
General Motors. Mercedes had made Diesel cars for decades, but
not in the US.

1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used poisonous
biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and Afghanistan. 

1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's barometric
pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest hurricane ever
recorded in the Western Hemisphere. 

1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major agreement.
Palestine was granted limited self-government in the Gaza Strip
and in Jericho. 

2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin Laden
as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the United States
on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial flights resumed in
the U.S. for the first time in two days. 

2018  smiled.

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Modem makes weird sound 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 12

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Parents separated from kid, after 
toddler handed cops drugs when mom 
was pulled over

Today, September 12 in
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army
personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't really trust a sane person. --- Lyle Alzado (1949 - 1992) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?" -------- In Feldkirch, where I went to University, there was a Gasthaus (inn) on Gymnasium Street, that was very popular with students. It was a fairly common occurrence that students passed out upon leaving and getting to the fresh air. Cops did not like writing Gymnasium Street, so they always wrote Markt Street, the next street over, whether they drug the student over there or not. Passed out students could not remember the details anyway. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. ______________________________________________________ Kei Truck Garden Contest _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Megan Karl, 33, Scott Hil, 26, New Scotland New York Parents separated from kid, after toddler handed cops drugs when mom was pulled over A 3-year-old girl got her mother and a friend into hot water during an upstate traffic stop ů when she handed a state trooper drugs and paraphernalia, police said Monday. The child was in the backseat of a 2000 Saturn when it was pulled over by cops during an ôoccupant-safetyö checkpoint on Route 32 in New Scotland just south of Albany on Thursday afternoon, according to New York State Police. The front-seat occupants ů 26-year-old driver Scott Hill and the little girlĆs mom, Megan Karl, 33 ů were observed making suspicious movements, police said. When they rolled down their windows, cops could smell burning marijuana, police said. As one trooper interviewed Hill, another checked on the child, according to the troopers. ThatĆs when the child ů who was not properly secured ů reached under the front seat and pulled out a pouch, police said. She opened it up to show the officer what was inside ů marijuana, a metal marijuana grinder and a pipe, both of which had remnants of the drug, police said. Cops also found an ashtray in the front seat containing marijuana cigarette butts, police said. The drugs and paraphernalia apparently belonged to Hill, according to police. Hill and Karl were arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a child. Hill was also charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, police said. The girl was taken into the care of relatives, and child- protective services was notified of the incident.
From: Susan Re: Get knocked off-line and modem makes weird noise Dear Webby, Good Morning, We have been having a lot of trouble of falling off line once we are connected to Inet. We have a new provider so apparantly that was not the problem. When trying to connect, I sometimes notice strange noise...I have to shut down and restart. If the strange noise has stopped, it will then connect. We still may get dropped and have to reconnect. I think this is a modem problem. Do you think the modem needs to be replaced? It has been replaced once. Does heat have anything to do with this? (we have dial up) Read your humor letter and vote every time I am online. I do not trust just anyone's 'tech help' but I have never gone wrong with yours. Thank you for any help you can give me this time. Susan Dear Susan that would be either the modem re-dialing after your connection had broken, or some malicious program knocking you off and then dialing a long distance number. Is the sound similar to when you are normally connecting? if it sounds like a normal connecting, then reboot to get a clean slate, then click on START, RUN, then type cmd and hit Enter. You will get a black and white DOS screen. In there type tracert Click on EDIT, MARK, COPY, then paste that into a text file or email. Just save that. Then, next time you get knocked off and the modem dials you up with a weird noise, do that again. If it shows a different trace route, then you know some malicious program is connecting you to some expensive long distance. If it shows the same route as right after rebooting, then you can relax. Then it's just something interrupting your connection. That could be anything. When I was in the Yukon, my security system did a self-test at 01:00 and called in an "OK" to the monitoring station. That of course knocked me off-line. In Okotoks it was the gas meter, that phoned in the day's results at 02:00. Same thing. I got knocked off the net, at exactly the same time every night. If it happens more than once a day, ask the phone company to check the line and find out what interrupts the connection. Have FUN DearWebby

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! That is from the days before the left wing media made assholes famouos.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Storing An Extra Roll of Toilet Paper If you do not have cabinet bathroom storage space, or it just is not close enough to the toilet, store toilet paper spare roll this way. Cut the bottom out of a tall square tissue box and slip it over the top of the roll. It's both pretty and handy, sitting on the toilet top. By Linda If you can't find a suitable tissue box, use an empty bleach bottle, cut the bottom 2 inches off, and decorate the bottle with graffiti or paste cartoons or pictures on it. You can even tie a few mark-alls on strings so that visitors can sign or leave smart-ass remarks or wise comments. Start with a few quotes to give them the idea. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by
London's secret nuclear reactor.
___________________________________________________ During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule was explained. Translated it means, "To hear the other party". After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!"and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured himand took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had takenhis thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this..." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!!" "What do you mean, 'This is good!'?? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?!" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you, hunting!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 12 in
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now
known as the Hudson River. 

1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point was
fought in Maryland. 

1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 

1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces
stopped the German offensive in France. 

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful
transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women.
They started in New York City on July 5, 1916. 

1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army
personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were

1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows. 

1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for
the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 

1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The cave
paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the best
examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 

1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by German
paratroopers from the Italian government that was holding him. 

1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the
first time during World War II. 

1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee

1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of the
Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 

1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show
aired on September 12, 1971. 

1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in Boston,
MA due to opposition to court-ordered school "busing." 

1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by
Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years. 

1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died at
the age of 30. The student leader died while in police custody
which triggered an international outcry. 

1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had
emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 

1991 The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to
deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone

1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael

1992 Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African-American
woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the space
shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist N. Jan
Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee. They were
the first married couple to fly together in space. And, Mamoru
Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly into space. 

2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the
legal U.S. music download market.

2018  smiled.

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Monitor causes eye strain 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 11

What were you doing when the world changed today in 2001?

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Arrested for triple murder 
in Connecticut

Today, September 11 in
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in 
the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip 
to appear in a newspaper. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. --- William Blake (1757 - 1827) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ruth Correa, 23, Griswold, Connecticut Arrested for triple murder in Connecticut For more than four months, 21-year-old Matthew Lindquist was considered a suspect in the murders of his parents, found inside their burned-out home in Griswold, Conn., on Dec. 20. All the time, he was lying dead 1,500 feet away, a third victim of what police describe as a fake robbery turned real. According to an arrest affidavit released Tuesday, Lindquist had offered his father's guns to a man in exchange for drugs, so long as the man staged the scene to look like a burglary. That's not what happened. Now charged in the case, 23-year-old Ruth Correa reportedly told police her brother, Sergio Correa, hit Lindquist in the head with a machete after Lindquist panicked, per the Washington Post. The siblings then stabbed Lindquist, leaving his body in the woods near his parents' home, which they entered through a basement door they knew to be unlocked, per the affidavit. When Kenneth and Janet Lindquist appeared, 26-year-old Sergio hit Kenneth, 56, with a baseball bat while Ruth told Janet that "her son had set her up," the affidavit states, per NBC Connecticut. The document says Sergio then choked Janet, 61, and hit her in the head with the bat before he and his sister set the house alight and took off with stolen goods and Matthew Lindquist's car, later found burned. After reportedly telling police that her brother might be planning to kill her, Ruth Correa was arrested on charges of murder, home invasion, arson, and robbery on May 12, a week after Matthew Lindquist's body was found. At the time, police said additional arrests were expected. Sergio Correa has yet to be charged, though. He's in police custody following a February arrest for probation violations and "maintains he had nothing to do with this," his lawyer tells the Hartford Courant.
From: Lucy Re: Eye strain Dear Webby, I am working on a large but very important project, but lately after half a day or so, my eyes get tired and sandy. When that happens, I can't concentrate and all I want to do is go for a nap. Is there a solution for that? Lucy Dear Lucy First check the air currents in the room. If necessary, get a smoker to assist you. Especially in a darkened room a flashlight and some smoke will quickly tell you if air from anywhere is bouncing off the monitor or keyboard into your face and drying your eyes. If it is, deflect the air somehwre else. Secondly, raise the monitor or lower the chair so that you sit in the sexy positioning like the typists before the Libber age, chest out, back and neck straight, head slightly raised so that a ruler placed under your chin and pointing forward, points slightly upward, not level or down. Your neck and head circulation will improve instantly, and your eyes will feel a lot better. As a fringe benefit, especially if you combine that pre-Libber body posture with a silly grin about it, works as an anti- depressant and mood optimizer. You will also get a lot more compliments! Have FUN DearWebby

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Thanks to Sandie for this story: A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends, I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals to one pound of weight per week. Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165 pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about three months ago. I owe my life to chocolate!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens." Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should have thought of that before they joined my church." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from September Home and Garden Bargains September is a great month to get items for your home and garden at clearance prices. Keep an eye out for seeds, plants, planters, deck stain, outdoor grills and garden tools. Tip provided by
The Coconut Palace of the Philippines
___________________________________________________ An American is taking a train from London to Manchester. During the trip he starts complaining about the British to the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy," the American says. "You think your stiff upper lips set you above the rest of us. Look at me: I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" Says the Englishman dryly, "Very sporting of your mother." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 11 in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of
Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. 

1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy. 

1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River. 

1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks
at the Battle of Zenta. 

1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the
Battle of Malplaquet. 

1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended
Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige. 

1776 A Peace Conference was held between British General Howe
and three representatives of the Continental Congress (Benjamin
Franklin, John Adams and Edward Rutledge). The conference
failed and the American war for independence continued for
seven more years. 

1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were
forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by British
forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes (American
flag) were carried for the first time in the battle. 

1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in the
Battle of Lake Champlain, VT. 

1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The
Mexicans retreated with prisoners. 

1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and
Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the Russian
Black fleet in the Crimean War. 

1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in the
New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip to
appear in a newspaper. 

1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by the
Waterbury Clock Company. 

1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new
device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY. 

1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV, and
Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour workday,
semi-monthly pay, and company stores were abolished. 

1904 The U.S. battleship Connecticut was launched in New York. 

1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful electric
bus line opened. 

1926 In Honolulu Harbor, HI, the Aloha Tower was dedicated. 

1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President
Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first
hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to attack
any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive waters.
The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at this time. 

1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism
with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish and
the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United
States into World War II. 

1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Pentagon took place. 

1951 Florence Chadwick became the first woman to swim the
English Channel from both directions. 

1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased
aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic. 

1954 The Miss America beauty pageant made its network TV debut
on ABC. Miss California, Lee Ann Meriwether, was the winner. 

1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation
of food stamps. 

1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South
Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe. 

1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television debut. 

1977 The Atari 2600 was released. It was originally sold as the
Atari VCS. The system was discontinued on January 1, 1992. 

1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the Giacobini-
Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot sampling of a comet.

1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that
thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba. 

1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 290
years of rule by England. 

1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the
U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible
impeachable offenses. 

2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were
intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade
Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY.
One airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another
airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000
people were killed. 

2012 Terrorists attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya.
Ambassador Stevens and four other Americans were brutally
murdered and ten others were injured. 

2018  smiled.

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Export Chrome Bookmarks 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 10

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida Woman Facing Criminal 
Charges For Ruff Sex 

Today, September 10 in
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. --- Alfred E. Newman, Hillary ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From when I was filling in for Stormy and her supposedly daily animal stories: One time a summer storm got a bit carried away and tree branches and pine cones and squirrels and pieces of bark and who knows what were flying along horizontally. Luckily my workshop was sheltered bythe garage on the windy side and all the windows were on the safe sides. I watched how the dogs were coping with it. Most were lying down in their favorite naptime configurations, except Dora. She stood there, facing the wind, snapping at pine cones and whatever flew by. Then she actually caught a squirrel! Either she or the squirrel must have made a certain noise, because instantly all the other dogs were on their feet and playing the same game, catching wind-blown stuff, and having a great time. It only lasted about a few minutes, then the wind slowed down. The dogs all turned to look down to the workshop and giving short barks, as if they were trying to coax me to turn the wind on again. ______________________________________________________ North Korean Military Parade last week, the first one since the Trump meeting, showed no more nukes, no more Intercontinental missiles, but more military women in mini skirts showing off trim legs, and medals. They are rubbing it in to Trump, that THEY can afford a parade and no Democrat mayor is going to stop them. They have camps for mayors like that. They still showed impressive numbers of tanks and artillery, but most impressive were the legions of women in mini skirts. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ashley Miller, 18, Bradenton, Florida Florida Woman Facing Criminal Charges For Ruff Sex A Florida woman has been charged with engaging in sexual activity with her pit bull, according to cops who found photos of the canine encounters stored on the suspect’s cell phone. In the course of an investigation into the transmission of harmful material to a minor, police earlier this month searched the phone of Ashley Miller, an 18-year-old Bradenton resident, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. In a folder titled "2-face fun," investigators found 17 photos of a "canine performing oral sex on an unknown white female." In a subsequent interview with cops, Miller acknowledged she was the woman in the photos and that she was being licked by her dog "2-face." Miller said that the female dog, which she has owned since 2006, has "licked her vagina on approximately 30 to 40 occasions" police reported. Miller further explained that she "would call 2-face into her room, take her pants off, open her legs and 2-face would lick her vagina." She added that a prior dog, named "Scarface", also licked her on a similar number of occasions. Seen in the above mug shot, Miller was arrested Friday and charged with two misdemeanor counts of sexual activities involving animals. Miller was freed from jail Saturday after posting $1000 bond.
From: Pam Re: Export Chrome bookmarks Dear Webby, How do I back up the Chrome Bookmarks? All the info I can find is obsolete and does not work with current versions of Chrome. Pam Dear Pam Ctrl SHift o Hit the 3 dots in the right top of the Bookmark Page, not the browser page. Now it acts as if it is in a snit because you are using forbidden shortcuts and makes you wait. Eventually, it brings up the Save page, suggesting that you save it to some Windows typical and very forgettable location. Change that to a place you can find easily. You can even select your USB Key-fob. For the file name, it suggests something like bookmarks_9_9_18.html That is nicely descriptive. The Windows lady must have been on maternity leave when they programmed that! If you have another computer networked, and have a directory there with permissions for you to save to it, you can save it to there. Then you can IMPORT the bookmarks to that computer. You can, of course do that too by sticking your USB key fob drive into the other machine. Saves you messing with permissions. If you don't have a keyfob USB drive for a "Sneaker Net", you can save the bookmarks onto a camera chip. It doesn't take much room. Mine is 265 KB, the equivalent of a very small picture. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a service company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane to the bizarre. One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet, his computer would reboot. It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the electric power, which in turn would cause his computer to restart itself. I recommended a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply), just a cheap one with 5 minutes capacity. Actually, even the ones built into some overpriced power bars promise that, but don't deliver that outside of the store. For stuff like that you need one that has a motorcycle battery or a drone battery pack. The motorcycle battery is usually much cheaper, and will give you plenty of time for a proper shut-down if the lights go out. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Woman comes home and tells her husband, the local minister: "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." Well, that is wonderful" Said the husband. His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral service will be held on Friday. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Save All The Receipts Save all the receipts from back to school shopping so you can return items that turn out to not be needed. Also, your child may decide they want to wear a different style clothes after school starts, keep tags and receipts so unwanted (and unused) items can be returned. Tip provided by
Coral Castle is the Stonehenge of Florida.
___________________________________________________ This is an oldie. I ran it before. Let's see if you can do better this time! Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the paragraph below without the aid of your bible? (One minister found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to find the last one.) I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts... and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct!" Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 10 in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council. 

1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry

1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 

1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 

1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI. 

1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 

1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I. 

1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain-
en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 

1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 

1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 

1926 Germany joined the League of Nations. 

1939 Canada declared war on Germany. 

1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 

1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II. 

1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in
Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during
World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison.

1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 

1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 

1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 

1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,

1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 

1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto
Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on
the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted
assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 

1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town
of Guernica. 

1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 

1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq. 

1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf
War Crisis. 

1998 Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots,
ending a nearly two-week walkout. 

1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high
was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 

2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 

2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American

2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United

2018  smiled.

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Text Editor program 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 9

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to 
help man who had been hired to kill him

Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two poets, who had been bitter rivals, met each other on a street corner. Naturally the old rivalry resumed itself. "You know, " said the first poet, "since we last met, my readership has increased!" "Oh congratulations!" the second poet replied. "I didn't know you got married!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Matchmaker goes to see Mr Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr Cohen, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker. "Don't bother," replies Mr Cohen, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters!" ______________________________________________________ Langkawi Sky Bridge, Malaysia Hovering 400 feet above the ground the sky bridge has closed multiple times for maintenance but is now fully accessible to the public. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Vickey for this GROANER: A MECHANIC AND HIS DOG A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him so he decided to call it a day. That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up to the heavens and sang out loudly, proclaiming... (Are you ready for this?) "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28, Benjamin Bascom, 24, Melissa Rios Roque, Deltona, Florida Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to help man who had been hired to kill him The killing of Carlos Cruz-Echevarria, a 60-year-old Army veteran, seemed random at first. But authorities now say it was all too deliberate. The body of Cruz-Echevarria was found Nov. 11—Veterans Day—near a disabled, stolen car on the side of a Deltona, Fla., road, the Orlando Sentinel reports. He had been shot in the head multiple times. His own truck was gone, later discovered burned some 30 miles away. This week, authorities arrested three suspects in the killing, which they now believe is connected to a murder-for- hire plot hatched to keep Cruz-Echevarria from testifying in a road rage case. Six months before he was murdered, Cruz- Echevarria honked at a vehicle that didn’t move when a traffic signal turned green. The driver of the other car—later identified as Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28—caught up with Cruz-Echevarria and brandished a gun. Cruz-Echevarria got McFoley’s license plate number and later identified him in a police photo lineup. With a record that included 29 felony charges, per the AP, McFoley was facing serious prison time. He discovered Cruz-Echevarria’s address on a court document and, authorities say, hired Benjamin Bascom, 24, to kill the man before his Dec. 7 deposition. Driving around the area near Cruz-Echevarria’s home, authorities say, Bascom’s vehicle got stuck in a ditch. Cruz- Echevarria pulled up to help, and Bascom shot him in the head. The case went unsolved for months, and the road rage charges against McFoley were dropped. Later, though, investigators used DNA evidence and phone records to link McFoley, Bascom, and McFoley’s girlfriend, Melissa Rios Roque, to the slaying of Cruz-Echevarria. All three face first-degree murder charges, and after many years of court battles, will be eligible for the death penalty.
From: Hilla Re: Editor program Dear Webby, I need a plain text editor to edit and annotate text and simple HTML, that I can thenpaste into other programs or use as is. Thanks Hilla Dear Hilla I use NoteTab from You can have dozens of documents open and shown in tabs, like the browsers do too nowadays. You can copy/paste between the documents, and to and from it's own Clipboard, and copy into spreadsheets or Writer or WORD documents, or upload as web pages. You can even save a web page, convert it to plain text, and use that for your purposes. It has, of course all the frills expected today like spell check, Find, Replace, Wordwrap on/off, and hundreds of other things. I have used NoteTab since 1997 for writing the Humor letter, and still occasionally find handy tools in it, that I have never needed before. I can highly recommend NoteTab! Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take- off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting on and complaining about. Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this: When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc." So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from The Night Before School Starts The reporter met the plane that brought back soldiers from their year in Iraq. He wanted to write a human interest story, and asked one soldier, "What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?" The soldier immediately replied, "Spend an hour in bed with my wife." The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and asked, "Oh. Well, and what will you do after that ?" "Take off these stupid combat boots!" Tip provided by
Sinister Sparkle Gallery: 13 Mysterious & Cursed Gemstones
___________________________________________________ A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl. When they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. "Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the man in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 

1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term
"United States", replacing the previous term "United

1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York. 

1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 

1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men. 

1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 

1942 Japan dropped incendiaries in an attempt to set fire to
the forests in Oregon and Washington. The forests were wet
and did not ignite. 

1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and

1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of

1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France
was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the
U.S. in the organization. 

1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes. 

1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an

1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later. 

1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations

1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 

1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees. 

1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day

1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's

1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of
U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 

1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications

2014 Apple unveiled the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Watch,
Apple Watch Sport and Apple Watch Edition. 

2018  smiled.

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Bookmarks program 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 8

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded 
that his terrified pregnant girlfriend 
wire Ł80 ransom from HIS OWN account to 
his buddy, so he could get drunk with him.

Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" the teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate History!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Today in 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again. ______________________________________________________ Just fishing, right? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"' ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leigh Ford, 45, Zoe Doyle, Blackpool Britain Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded that his terrified pregnant girlfriend wire Ł80 ransom from HIS OWN account to his buddy, so he could get drunk with him. His girlfriend earned a bonehead award too, for forgiving him. Leigh Ford told his partner Zoe Doyle his kidnappers had threatened to break his legs, cut off his genitals and throw boiling water over him Leigh Ford’s partner Zoe Doyle said she had been left frantic after receiving a call demanding ransom money The alleged kidnap sparked a major 24-hour police operation costing Ł30,000 that eventually saw Ford’s claims fall to pieces after CCTV footage showed him leaving a shop with two friends carrying booze. But incredibly, partner Zoe Doyle has forgiven Ford for the cruel hoax that saw him jailed for 16 weeks in February and miss the birth of their child. The 35-year-old, from Blackpool, said: “At first, I just thought he was winding me up. But he sounded really scared. The phone went dead and then it rang again. I could hear men shouting in the background, threatening to break Leigh’s legs and throw boiling water over him. “They were threatening to mutilate him, cut off his genitals, and I was panic-stricken.” Zoe, who was 35 weeks pregnant at the time, said: “Leigh was screaming, begging me to pay their ransom. I told him I would send everything I had in the bank, over to the account they gave me.” Zoe transferred Ł80 – all she had – into the designated account before calling police. A helicopter and trained negotiator was called in to deal with the situation that lasted through the night. It wasn’t until the early hours of the following day in January this year that Ford himself came home – and was immediately arrested, questioned and charged with wasting police time. Zoe said: “He appeared in court the following day and I was stunned when I heard the truth. I just couldn’t believe that Leigh would do that. He had wasted all those police resources. He had put me through hell. “The silly thing was, it was his own money. He could have spent it if he had wanted. It just didn’t make sense. “Leigh was full of apologies, he said his friends had put him up to it and he had thought it was a prank that wouldn’t go as far as it did. He’d had a few drinks and he got carried away. “I was absolutely furious. I felt like strangling him. He had caused so much stress and worry and it was all for nothing.” Ford, 45, admitted wasting police time and collapsed in the dock at Blackpool Magistrates’ Court as he was jailed for 16 weeks in February. But incredibly, Zoe has since forgiven her partner. She said: “He was a total idiot. I’ve made that clear to him. But it was one-off and our relationship is otherwise very strong. I know Leigh loves me and he has done his best to make things up to me.
From: Olga Re: Alternative to Bookmarks or Favorites Dear Webby, Is there a way to tag your favorites (bookmarks) so that the regularly used ones stay on top and don't get shuffled in with new ones? Thanks Olga Dear Olga There are dozens of bookmark managers available. Most are a total waste of time. Most of them have way too many features, that you will never understand or use. Two popular ones are deactivated: Here is one, that you might like: Dewey is one of the very few, that will actually use your 17 Million old bookmarks. You can sort them by date, title, or URL. The most recently used ones are on top if you sort by date. It takes a bit of getting used to, like all of them, but you will soon find it handy. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Billy for this story: I was the last to leave the office one Friday evening and managed to lock myself out without my overcoat and wallet. Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard the seam of my suit trousers rip apart. About then I realized I needed a screwdriver to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud. Seconds later the elevator doors next to my office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the middle of the floor. There was a crackle from the wall speaker next to the elevator. "This is security," said a voice. "There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't have a needle or thread for your pants!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from The Night Before School Starts On the night before school, have your child lay his or her clothing out, have lunches and backpacks packed and a quick and easy to prepare breakfast on hand for the morning. Make sure your kids set their alarm clocks and establish an "out the door time". Tip provided by
ACat Pictures and Cat Care Resources
___________________________________________________ My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL. 

1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who
then renamed it New York. 

1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in
Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 

1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the
Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on
September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.

1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana
politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days

1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio was
put into service for the first time. 

1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She was
the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 

1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations
in San Francisco, CA. 

1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, was
dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The facility
had been activated in July earlier that year. 

1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to
former U.S. President Nixon. 

1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered
citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence. 

1997 America Online acquired CompuServe. 

1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space
station's central computer and other systems to save energy
during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 

2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger
version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from the
Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had been
found by ground penetrating radar. 

2018  smiled.

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Are LED light bulbs a scam? 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found 
Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom

Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I 
at the battle of Borodino. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. --- Ashley Montague The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I WAS in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I WAS WAITING in line at my county clerk's office one afternoon and noticed a hand-lettered sign that read: "Any child left unattended will be given a free kitten and a large candy bar." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ I NEEDED a passport and I needed it quickly. Luckily, a sign in the passport office told me exactly how long I could expect to wait: "Allow 10 minutes for regular processing and 15 minutes for expedited processing." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Emmanuel Ward, 21, Fontana, California Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom Police on Tuesday said they were searching for possible additional victims of a man accused of entering a Fontana home and masturbating in a 13-year-old girl's bedroom. Officers responded to the 14100 block of Stanislaus Court last Thursday after a resident called around 2:42 a.m. to report a male intruder in her home, according to a Fontana Police Department news release. The woman told police that a naked man went into her teen daughter's bedroom and started masturbating while she slept, the release stated. The victim woke up to find the man hovering over her and screamed, causing the suspect to flee, according to police. He ran from the girl's room, down the stairs and left the home. Officers arrived at the home within minutes, but the man was gone by then. However, they were able to obtain surveillance video from the residence that showed the naked man inside. At one point, he "looked directly into the camera and placed his finger over his lips as if signaling to be quiet," the release said, describing what some of the footage showed. Detectives quickly identified the suspect as 21-year-old Jonathan Emmanuel Ward of Fontana. He was arrested at his home in the 7000 block of Nebraska Street later that same day, authorities said. When detectives interviewed Ward, they identified other potential victims -- and believe there could be others who haven't contacted police yet, according to the release. Ward possibly focused on a dance studio in the Inland Empire, though they did not give the name or area where it was located. He allegedly "became infatuated with several young girls" at the studio, police said. The suspect is accused of targeting girls through social media, using photos posted to their accounts to figure out where they lived. "Ward would often enter the rear yards of the victim’s residence and on occasion, enter their homes when he would find an unlocked door," the release stated. He was booked into the West Valley Detention Center on suspicion of burglary, child annoyance and indecent exposure, according to inmate records. Because of a similar arrest last year in Fontana, a $1 million bail enhancement was issued. Police have scheduled a news conference for Wednesday morning where they are expected to release images and video of the suspect as they try to locate other possible victims.
From: Edoard Re: Lights Dear Webby, Not a web question, Sorry! What's the story about the LED lightbulbs? I am disenchanted with the pig tail fluorescents, that were promised to last 25 years. On my porch motion detector light, they last a year, max. And in cold weather they take forever to light up. Now they promise 25 years for the LED lightbulbs. And they are almost as expensive as the pig-tail lights were initially. Same BS? Edoard Dear Edoard The BS is the same. They are just re-using the same old propaganda, without having a clue about it. However, the good news are that the LED lights don't mind -40 at my front door, they turn on instantly when a deer or a magpie trigger the motion detector, and have been working steadily for over 2 years. One got smashed by horizontal golf ball size hail a couple of years ago, but that hail would have smashed any kind of lightbulb. If you put them into a jam-jar fixture, then they should survive horizontal hail quite nicely. So far I am quite impressed with the LED lighbulbs and use them to replace any bulb that burns out. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
SO MUCH FOR PEACE OF MIND Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery. "I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium. "We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A truck driver was having lunch at a truck stop when 8 motorcyclists came in. They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made no move to object. After he left one of the group laughed and said, "He wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over 8 motorcycles!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Check Around Your Home's Foundation Check the grading around your house to make sure the ground is sloping away from your house and no plants or dirt is in contact with your siding. Inspect and patch any cracks in your foundation. Remove mildew with a solution of 1 part chlorine bleach to 3 parts water. Tip provided by
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
___________________________________________________ A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" He responded, "It goes moo." The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" Alice replied, "It goes meow." Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" Her response was, "It goes baa." Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Classic! This used to be an all too common service call: Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." DearWebby: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." DearWebby: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? " ____________________________________________________

Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at the
battle of Borodino. 

1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic
reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an
editorial in the New York's Troy Post. 

1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 

1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device that
threw clay pigeons for trapshooters. 

1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed in
an incubator. 

1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a
racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI. 

1901 China and the Eight-Nation Alliance signed the Boxer
Protocol ending the Boxer Rebellion (Boxer Uprising, Yihequan

1915 Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann doll.
(U.S. Patent D47789) 

1921 Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the first
Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ. 

1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image
through purely electronic means by using an image dissector. 

1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the
comic strips. 

1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi
Germany during World War II. 

1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked the
German troops outside the city of Stalingrad. 

1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time on

1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President
Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties called
for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's waterway to
Panama in the year 2000. 

1979 ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network,
made its debut on cable TV. 

1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment
that banned abortion. 

1984 American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum
charge cards. 

1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination
attempt made by guerrillas. 

1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead
the Anglican Church in southern Africa. 

1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of state
to visit West Germany. 

1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that
prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in
employment, public accommodations, transportation and

2018  smiled.

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65,000 search engines 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 6

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck, 
then jumps into ocean to sober up,
arrested with .214 and booze in truck

Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England 
to settle in the New World. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. [info][add][mail][note]Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic. You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it." "Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?" They said, "Good morning, General." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them." ______________________________________________________ Big fish, or small submarine? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Tralka, 31, Duck Key, Florida Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck, then jumps into ocean to sober up, arrested with .214 and booze in truck A drunken man led Monroe County sheriff's deputies on a high- speed chase early Sunday, eventually crashing his pickup truck into the entrance sign for Duck Key and jumping into the ocean, authorities said. Deputies on a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission boat whisked him from the water, but not before the man tried to elude authorities by hiding under a bridge, clinging to a piling, said Adam Linhardt, a spokesman for the Monroe County Sheriff's Department. After his rescue, he reportedly told deputies that the morning's events would make for "a great story" to tell his friends and family. Nicholas Tralka, 31, faces a number of charges, including driving while under the influence, causing property damage and resisting arrest. Linhardt said a deputy saw a pickup truck leave a bar along the Overseas Highway in Marathon at a high rate of speed just before 4 a.m. Before the deputy could attempt a traffic stop, Tralka slammed into a concrete median and kept going, Linhardt said. Deputies gave chase as Tralka reached speeds of more than 100 mph and swerved erratically across the northbound lanes of the Overseas Highway, Linhardt said. Deputies deployed tire spikes near mile marker 60.5 to stop the truck, but Tralka kept driving eventually crashing into a light pole and a palm tree and finally rolling into the Duck Key entrance sign, Linhardt said. When the truck finally came to a stop, Tralka bailed out of the vehicle and jumped over a nearby seawall, according to the arrest report. Deputies repeatedly called out for Tralka to stop, but he kept swimming toward Toms Harbor Channel Bridge, where he hid from authorities for about 30 minutes, the report said. A fisherman alerted deputies that Tralka was under the bridge, staying afloat by holding onto piling, the report said. Tralka eventually surrendered and was pulled aboard the FWC boat by Key Colony Beach police officers, the report said. A search of Tralka's truck found three empty 100 milliliter bottles of Fireball whiskey along with a full one, Linhardt said. Tralka told deputies that he had been drinking and got scared. "I f***ed up. I'm sorry," he told deputies, according to the arrest report. Deputies said Tralka would alternate between apologizing and bragging about his high-speed antics, the report said. Once arrested, Tralka resisted taking a blood alcohol test, saying "I'm already going to jail, so why?" the report said. When deputies tested Tralka's blood alcohol level, it was .214 -- more than double the legal limit of .08.
From: Irene Re: 65,000 Search Engines Dear Webby, I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129. Is that a good deal? Irene Dear Irene How many different search engines do you use? One? Two? How many different search engines do your clients use? Search for example for recognize a spoof on Google, Bing, MSN, Yahoo. They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there is no need to check any other search engines. In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore submissions, especially from paid submission services. If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site to that one. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Organize Your Sandwich Fixings Try keeping most of your sandwich making items in a plastic basket in your refrigerator. Not only does this save multiple trips to and from opening the door each time but your kids won't require much help at snack time! By Melody Tip provided by
The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
___________________________________________________ "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I'll fix it for you." About ten minutes later she showed up at his door... with the electrical cord in her right hand. ____________________________________________________

Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England
to settle in the New World. 

1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. 
It had been in use for centuries, but never patented.

1837 The Oberlin Collegiate Institute of Ohio went co-

1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San
Francisco was completed. 

1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 

1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally
wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. Czolgosz,
an American anarchist, was executed the following October. 

1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had
reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months

1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 

1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the
Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only
applied to Jews over the age of 6. 

1944 At the end of World War II, the British government relaxed
blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for the
Home Guard. 

1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 

1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 

1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in
New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 

1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country without
permission would be put in prison for life. 

1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the
independence of the Baltic states. 

1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second
largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the Great.
The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to Leningrad

1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a
transplanted baboon liver. 

1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they were
merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the following

1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate
Ethics Committee. 

2008 The Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) announced that
Fannie Mae (Federal National Mortgage Association) and Freddie
Mac (Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation) would be placed in
government conservatorship. 

2018  smiled.

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Can Google Earth be put onto the second drive? 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 5

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Orlando man arrested for shooting up home 
after woman left negative restaurant review

Today, September 5 in
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British 
and French fought for six days killing half a million people.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. --- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - ) There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. --- Thomas A. Edison A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. --- Oscar Wilde ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?” So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of year’s tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, “My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." ______________________________________________________ Canopy Walk, Ghana This isn’t your average stroll through the rainforest. Suspended 40 feet in the air, visitors literally get the opportunity to walk through the trees! From birds to monkeys, it’s not just the bridge that is scary! Also you can’t just turn back and run if you get scared, the bridge is over a 1,000 feet in length! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Back in those days, it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly. Not so, with this physics professor...if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course (& attend!). On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card. Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar. OK," and signed the card. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Norman Auvil 42, Orlando, Florida Orlando man arrested for shooting up home after woman left negative restaurant review A Florida man was arrested Thursday evening, 10 days after he allegedly shot up a home after one of its residents complained about an experience at a restaurant, the Orange County Sheriff's Office said. On Aug. 20, deputies were called to a home after Norman Auvil, 42, of Orlando -- riding in an SUV driven by Michael Johnson, the restaurant owner's son -- shot the home three times before Johnson drove away, according to an arrest report. The report said one of the bullets pierced a window, narrowly missing the head of Kenneth Walley, who was watching television in the living room. "I actually could feel the air from the bullet as it passed by me," Walley said. "It missed me by about 4 inches." On Aug. 19, Walley's wife, Diana Walley, had been denied service at the Daybreak Diner, so their daughter, Monica Walley, called the diner and spoke with several workers about her mother's visit, the report said. Monica Walley said that she left a negative review on Facebook after her disabled mother was denied service on her birthday. She said the restaurant workers were "unnecessarily rude." "It's my right to be able to tell others what my experience is and what happened and stand up for my mother," Monica Walley said. "I think that anybody in my shoes would have done the same thing." According to the report, Monica Walley was unsatisfied with the diner's response, so she launched a social media campaign against the diner, alleging that they mistreated her mother because of a disability. "The social media campaign resulted in negative online reviews, negative social media posts and harassing and angry phone calls to the restaurant," the report said. "The restaurant's owner, Lizabeth Johnson, later stated she felt that day that her business was ruined as a result of the negative social media campaign." Apparently she did not realize that theb reviews were based on fact. Investigators said that Michael Johnson and his girlfriend, Stephanie Knight, worked at the diner that they intended to inherit someday. The report said Knight and Michael Johnson had been driving a 2013 white Ford Flex registered to Knight's father. The SUV matched the description of the one recorded by a surveillance camera approaching the shooting scene, the report said. Investigators said Michael Johnson and Jesse Martin told them that on Aug. 20, they were drinking beer with Auvil at the home where they all live. Deputies said the men were angry about the damage to the diner's reputation and the negative social media campaign, so Martin used an internet search engine to determine Monica Walley's identity from her Facebook post and to find her address. "(Michael) Johnson drove the white Ford Flex while Martin navigated from the back passenger seat and Auvil rode in the front passenger seat," the report said. "(Michael) Johnson and Martin contend they drove to the Walley residence with the intent to harm someone (via physical fight) or to cause property damage (slashing tires or similar vandalism)." Deputies said Auvil fired the shots when Michael Johnson stopped outside the home. Investigators said the men tried to dispose of the evidence after Michael Johnson drove away. Auvil was arrested Thursday at South Bumby Avenue and Nancy Street, near the Lake Como home where the three men live, deputies said. Detectives said Auvil expressed loyalty to Michael Johnson and Knight and said he had drunk six to eight beers with his friends while discussing the issue and before going for a ride with Michael Johnson and Martin. Investigators said that although Auvil wouldn't discuss his involvement in the incident, he told them that he understands that it "looked bad" for him. Auvil, who was honorably discharged from the U.S. Army, said he drinks beer "most days," investigators said. Auvil was arrested on charges of shooting into an occupied dwelling, shooting from a vehicle within 1,000 feet of a person and abuse of a disabled adult. "I didn't think anybody was crazy enough to do something like this over something so small," Monica Walley said.
I am still testing password managers. From: Erin Re: Google Earth onto second drive Dear Webby, I trid to install Google-Earth onto my second hard drive, but it insists on going to my C: drive, where I don't have enough space. Is there a way around that bug? Erin Dear Erin Unfortunately, there isn't. The blithering moron who wrote the Google-Pack installer seems to be ignorant of the fact that 52% of computer uers have more than one hard drive. It seems that Google-Earth has been designated as a program for small children, and the install program has been simplified accordingly. They claim that they need to install your user name and prefereces in the registry and can't do that if the program is anywhere except on the C: drive. They do that fine with Gmail, but seem to refuse doing it with Google Earth. That is a pity, because I do like Google Earth. Grown-ups and advanced users have to get a second computer with enough space on the C: drive to install Google-Earth there. Yeah, I know it's rather dumb, but you can't argue with Google. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal, their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Bob for this report: I attended Palm Beach Atlantic College in Florida. It's only about a mile from the ocean, so students frequently go to the beach, even between classes. One day I was meeting with our dean, when he stopped me in the middle of our conversation and asked if I was an "A" student. Puzzled, I replied, "Mostly, why do you ask?" "You don't have a tan," he explained. "Around here, the darker the tan, the lower the grade." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Selling Clothing at Garage Sales To get the most money for your clothing items, makes sure to wash and fold them so they look their best. Lay folded clothing out on a table so people don't have dig through your bags or a big pile. Display dresses and jackets by using hangers. Tip provided by
The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
___________________________________________________ >From Stormy BRIDE GOES SPLASH What a beautiful wedding! Everything had been perfect. The wedding had taken place on a white sandy beach with a lake as the backdrop. It was time to take photo's The groom was a shy man who had arrived from overseas a few months ago. He had courted his bride until she finally said yes to his pleas of marriage. His family was a bit reserved as he didn't know the girl that well. However, today all was well. The bride decided she wanted to have her and her new husbands photo taken on the dock, leading out into the lake. They were posed, the groom leaned in for a kiss, over tumbled the bride, splat, into the lake. My Irishwolfhound jumped right in after her. The groom was screaming in his own language. My dog was having a horrid time trying to find the bride in the ballooning poufs of her white gown. He got to her head, grabbed on to her veil to swim to shore. Dead silence. My dog had taken her veil all right, along with a long blonde wig she wore. Her new husband along with all his relatives got a good look at what he had married. Short, stubby grey hair. It was bedlam, it was hilarious. My dog brought his prize to me, he was praised well. Someone else had jumped in and brought the sobbing bride to shore. It didn't end well. There wasn't going to be a honeymoon. The foolish groom had fallen in love, not so much with the lady, but her pretty blonde hair. Someone tied the wig and the veil to my dog's head. The poor groom was led away crying. All for blonde curls. Stormy ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 5 in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. 

1774 The first session of the U.S. Continental Congress
convened in Philadelphia. The delegates drafted a declaration
of rights and grievances, organized the Continental
Association, and elected Peyton Randolph as the first president
of the Continental Congress. 

1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National
Convention enacted measures to repress the French Revolutionary

1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the
Republic of Texas. 

1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a
U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a
jail cell. 

1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for
the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in

1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be
manufactured in the U.S. 

1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 

1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan to
end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated by U.S.
President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire. 

1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people. 

1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on
International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The
raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within the
labor organization. 

1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive
from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City all
in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 Ford Model

1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 

1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected
of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She
served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford.

1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in
Raleigh, NC. 

1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was "The
Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC. 

1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the
first time in the U.S. 

1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in
light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy.
Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali. 

1977 The U.S. launched Voyager . 

1980 The St. Gotthard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the
world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 

1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record
when he reached 229 mph. 

1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean Air Lines jet. Reagan demanded that the
Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269

1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly
magazine to use four-color process illustrations on every page.

1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden

1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News
& World Report" for $163 million. 

1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods
for the first time. 

1986 NASA launched DOD-1. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War
against the West and former allies. 

1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher in
the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new name
the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 

1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new
agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike,
forcing GM to shift more production overseas. 

1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the South

2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear plastic
box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of the Thames
River. He remained there until October 19 surviving only on

2018  smiled.

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Has Roboform gone bad? 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 4

>From Annie
Well, Dear Webby, I see you just couldn't break your record!Â
You said last week you have never had a Labor Day off and if
there were no Humor Letter today it would be your first.Â
Since it followed your two eye injections I thought just maybe
you might take this one off.  Had to peek though...and there
you were!  You deserve that ol' vote I cast today!  Thanks
for the laughs and info you provide, albeit through your pain.Â
God bless those ol' eyes...real good.


Thanks, Annie!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Woman charged after attacking bus 
w. car jack, trying to run over driver

Today, September 4 in
0476 romulus augustulus, the last emperor of the western roman
empire, was deposed when odoacer proclaimed himself king of
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. --- Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977) With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son. He argues and fights with her all the time. Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist. After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother. "Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex." "Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: As the lone female in our household, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from my teenage son's bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband. "What is it with guys that they won't replace the toiler paper!" I raged. "I know." he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that when I was just in there." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mariana Silver, 20, Washington, DC Woman charged after attacking bus w. car jack, trying to run over driver A woman was caught on cell phone video smashing the window of a Greyhound bus in Northeast D.C. with a car jack before attempting to run over the bus driver with her car as he tried to stop her from fleeing the scene. According to D.C. police, the woman, who has been identified as 20-year-old Mariana Silver, of Northeast D.C., illegally passed the bus in the 1800 block of Bladensburg Road and sideswiped another driver in the process. When the driver tried to make contact with the woman, she grew irate and an argument broke out. After witnessing the accident and ensuing argument, the bus driver got involved, saying, "You're a crazy driver, you need to get off the road," according to a police report. That's when Silver got a bat from the trunk of her car and started hitting the driver's side bus window before retrieving a car jack that she used to smash the window, which is where the cell phone video picks up. In the video, the bus driver is seen standing in front and jumping on the hood of her car in an attempt to keep her from fleeing the scene. Silver then continues to drive off with the bus driver on the hood of her car until he falls off. She was eventually arrested later in the day. By that time there was no dope in her car, aside from her.
From: Carol Re: Has Roboform gone bad? Dear Webby, Two friends told me to get rid of Roboform. You used to recommend it. What is the story now? Carol Dear Carol Your friends are right! The current version of RoboForm is extremely toxic and leads to VERY VERY bad language. Try to export all your passwords to a civilized password manager NOW! RFN! RIGHT Farting NOW!!! Due to utter and complete moron malfunction Roboform is now using a Master Password, that they expect you to memorize. DUH!! What is a password manager for? Apparently nobody 'splained that to the @#$%^^& morons. Then they demand that the password be totally complicated and impossible to remember. And finally, in about a month, Roboform forgets or changes the Master Password. Due to their total moron malfunction there is no way to retrieve the Master Password. RoboForm has sent all your 1800 differfent passwords to hell, irretrievably. Many of those 1800 passwords are probably obsolete, but all the currently used ones are destroyed too. Roboform support is absolutely useless. They just tell you that you had been told to remember that impossible to remember Master Password. I even asked my friend and mentor Jerome in Idaho. You may remember how I occasionally, if somebody had a really tricky problem, that I could not solve, sent them to Jerome. Well, it turns out that Jerome was cussing too and loading his big gun. So I searched and tested the available password managers. I am still testing. Roboform is out. Dashlane is out. Same brain-dead concept. I will keep testing until I find a password manager that I can recommend. In the meantime, try to back up your passwords, and if possible, export them to a CSV file at a place, that you can find again. You will need it to import your passwords when I finde one, that is worth the hassle. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and and flattering him outrageously. He liked the young lady, but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was really amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back office at the bank where you have your account. I know all I ned to know about you."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the big city. After the first week his mother called to see how her boy was holding up. "I love it here Mother," Shamus told her, "but these English students are the oddest people ever! Why the boy who lives in the dormitory room next to me bangs his head against the wall until midnight every night. And the boy in the room above me stomps around until midnight every night. And the boy right below me blasts his stereo until midnight every night." "Why don't you complain to the Dean of students?" asks his mother. "Well, it doesn't bother me much," answers Shamus. "I'm usually up until that time quietly practising my bagpipes anyway." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Bring Your Own Beverages If you are in the habit of purchasing beverages or snacks from vending machines at work or school, consider buying cases of drinks and snacks so you can bring your own. Vending machines usually charge double what grocery stores do. Tip provided by
Some of the best of People Are wesome!
___________________________________________________ Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver, "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?" The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time, ever, in the passive pluperfect subjunctive." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 4 in
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman
Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of

1609 British navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island
of Manhattan. 

1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The
original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los
Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the
Queen of Angels." 

1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel
of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the
"Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 

1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and
became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 

1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began
operations in New York City. It was the first display of a
practical electrical lighting system. 

1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the
first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 

1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in
Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 

1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented
his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 

1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to
protest sweatshops. 

1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 

1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its
first fatalities in World War I. 

1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL
in St. Louis, MO. 

1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its
maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 

1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city of
Antwerp, Belgium. 

1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health

1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when
Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets.

1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in
the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the
Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to
New York City, NY. 

1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval
Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little
Rock's Central High School. 

1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car
was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only
two years. 

1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It
ran for 98 shows. 

1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview
that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while
visiting Vietnam in 1965. 

1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal
in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz
was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 

1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops
on the Polish border. 

1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American
plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean
Air Lines flight that was shot down. 

1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for
the victims of the riot in Soweto. 

1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's
Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites
into space between 1964 and 1989. 

1993 Pope John Paul II started his first visit to the former
Soviet Union. 

1993 Jim Abbott (New York Yankees) pitched a no-hitter. Abbott
had been born without a right hand. 

1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in
Beijing. There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in

1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and

1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million
loan for the Ukraine. 

1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company. 

1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words
"I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica
Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 

1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East
Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia
in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian
militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings,
blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 

2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to
reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. 

2018  smiled.

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Filter for U-Tube spoofs 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 3

Thank You, Wes!!!

I wonder if Pelousi or Mad Maxine will get as many Democrats 
at their funeral as traitor McCain did?

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida couple built drive-thru window 
at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl

Today, September 3 in
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
 broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared 
 war on Germany and started WWII. 
 Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) Let him that would move the world, first move himself." --- Socrates ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer day. Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a way to get wet and cool without getting into trouble. They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when suddenly one of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Lets get baptized!" Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet at a baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the corner and told the pastor they wanted to get baptized. The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes of begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's room and dunked them both head first into the toilet, then sent them on their way. The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the whole adventure, when one of them asked the other, "Hey, what religion are we now?" "I don't know," replied the other. "If we were Baptists, he would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body like he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic, he would have poured it on our heads from a pitcher..." They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the first one said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in the toilet, I think that it means that we're 'pisscapalian." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ This Lady needed her bedroom painted. She called a painter to paint it for her. He came and painted it a beautiful color. She was so proud of it. That night her husband came home, and she said, "Look honey, what a beautiful room." The husband, being tired, leaned his hand against the wall and told her how pretty it was, but the paint, still being wet, smeared a little. The lady was rather upset that he had smeared the wall. The next day, the painter comes over to get paid, and the lady says, "Oh, you must come in and see where my husband put his hand last night." The painter replied, "Sorry, I can't do that, lady, but I will split a beer with you." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Parrish Jr. ,32, McKenzee Dobbs, 20, Ocala, Florida Florida couple built drive-thru window at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl A Florida couple was arrested last week after they were caught allegedly selling drugs out of a drive-thru window they constructed out of the side of their mobile home. William Parrish Jr. and McKenzee Dobbs of Ocala, Florida, were arrested on August 23 after investigators raided their mobile home following reports of four drug overdoses in the area, WFTV reported. Ocala Police said the couple had turned a kitchen window into a drive-thru so customers would not have to constantly enter and exit their home, potentially drawing unwanted attention, WFTV reported. The house had signs directing people where to drive and indicated whether it was open or closed, police said. “We were seeing some overdose incidents that were happening in this particular area, specifically at this particular location,” said Ocala Police Capt. Steven Cuppy. “There [were] some heroin sales that were going on there. Subsequently, through the investigation, we were able to determine that product was laced with fentanyl.” Parrish, 32, was charged with driving under the influence, keeping a dwelling used to sell drugs, possession of drugs with intent to sell and resisting arrest without violence, according to Marion County Sheriff’s Office inmate records. Dobbs, 20, has been charged with keeping a dwelling used to sell drugs, possession of drugs with intent to sell, possession of fentanyl and possession of fentanyl with intent to sell, court records show. William Parrish Sr. told WFTV his son had been “trying to get himself straightened out” and maintained reports of overdoses were a “lie.” Ocala is located inland, about 66 miles west of Daytona Beach.
From: Dani Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs Dear Webby, How do I filter out crap like this? I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :( In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking to somewhere else. Here is a typical example: === this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your both dead. see for yourself... [links to] === I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them? Dani Dear Dani I had to root around the restore bin to find an example. The same 7BIT filter that I described before, also gets this type of virus generated spam. IF the entire header contains 7BIT, then delete, without warning. They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody, except when you send me to check the restore bin. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A customer at Greenbaum's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Greenbaum, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Greenbaum replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Greenbaum. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Greenbaum," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those drivers." So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING. Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY. And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters on bright red background were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Applying Stain To Wood Sand wood and remove any dust before staining. A clean, used pair pantyhose works well for applying stain to wood. The nylon provides an even coat and doesn't leave behind any lint. Wear rubber gloves and old clothes. It usually takes at least two coats to get a uniform look. Tip provided by
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
___________________________________________________ For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older. You are just getting better." Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP. YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this update from Florida IT'S SO HOT and DRY IN FLORIDA. .... the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground .....the trees are whistling for the dogs. .....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. .... hot water now comes out of both taps. can make sun tea instantly. learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. .....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel the icy breeze. discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. actually burn your hand opening the car door. break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. .....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" realize that asphalt has a liquid state. .....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter. (in the garden) .....the cows are giving evaporated milk. .....people are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. (in the country) can't fry eggs on the tank of your bike, if they got hard boiled in the carton on the way across the parking lot. .....the hot air from the Algorians provides a welcome cooling breeze. ____________________________________________________

Today, September 3 in
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 

1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great
Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris. 

1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The
New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 

1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive
an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH
on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 

1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared
war on Germany and started WWII. 
Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 

1943 After Italy had switched sides, Italy was invaded by
the Allied forces during World War II. 

1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time
after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years. 

1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam
under a new constitution. 

1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side
of the road and began driving on the right side. 

1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The
unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of
the planet's surface. 

1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the

1986 Peat Marwick International and Klynveld Main Goerdeler
of the Netherlands agreed to merge and form the world’s
largest accounting firm. 

1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons,
worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug

1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be
targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each

1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over
the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux
became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy
the team he had once played for. 

2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 30
By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
for injections into my eyeballs. Ouch and Ouch.
Darren, a neighbor, will drive me back afterwards.

There won't be any newsletters or emails sent out on
Friday, Saturday or Sunday. 

Monday is Labor Day. Come to think of it, I have NEVER in
my life had Labor Day off. Extra pay for working on Labor
Day, sure, but never had Labor Day off. So, if there is no
newsletter in your mail on Monday, I will celebrate my
first Labor Day!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial 
Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates 
to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies

Today, August 30 in
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person. --- Ethel Mumford ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Well, times are changing. Twenty years ago, if I told a woman that I wanted to google her Wiki with my Palm Pilot, she would probably have either slapped or kissed me. Today she'll offer to guide me in. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag... "Darn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the fence, I say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho" and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to impress the ranch hand and started a conversation. "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd'." "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, 45 Pasadena, Mexifornia Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies A man criticized as the “dine-and-dash dater” after being accused of meeting women at restaurants across the Los Angeles area only to leave them with the bill pleaded not guilty to charges of theft and extortion on Monday, prosecutors said. Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, 45, allegedly connected with a string of women through dating apps and websites and invited them out to dinner between May 2016 and this April with the intent of using them as a meal ticket, the L.A. County District Attorney’s Office said in a release. He arranged dates at restaurants in Pasadena, Long Beach, Burbank and Los Angeles, where he ordered and consumed food and drinks, then disappeared before the bill had been paid, the DA’s office said. Eight women told prosecutors they’d footed the bill, one of them under the belief that Gonzales would pay her back. And at least twice, the restaurant paid its own check — making those businesses victims in the criminal complaint, officials said. In total, Gonzales is accused of defrauding the women of more than $950. Expecting big city women's libbers to pay for dinner is of course considered quite naughty! He’s also charged with receiving hair salon services, then leaving before paying. Investigators obtained an arrest warrant for Gonzales on July 3, and inmate records show he was taken into custody Saturday, Aug. 25, in Pasadena. He was subsequently charged with seven counts of extortion, two counts of attempted extortion and one count of grand theft — all felonies. He also faces two misdemeanor counts each of defrauding an innkeeper and petty theft. If convicted as charged, the defendant could spend up to 13 years in state prison, prosecutors said. Gonzales is scheduled to return to court in Pasadena for a preliminary hearing on Sept. 7.
From: Leanne Re: hiberfil.sys Dear Webby, I got this huge file called hiberfil.sys, and it's fragmented so badly that even DisKeeper can't do anything about it. Actually, it's the only fragmented file it shows on the C: drive. Is there a way to get rid of it? Leanne Dear Leanne hiberfil.sys is just a snapshot of what you got open and running, what Windows will return to when it wakes up from hibernating. If you get rid of, or move hiberfil.sys then Windows has nothing to return to when you get back from lunch. That is why DisKeeper won't touch it. The only safe way to get rid of hiberfil.sys is to turn of Hibernation. Go to Control Panel Power Hibernation Apply Then reboot. The file is gone. Now tell Diskeeper to do a defrag and snug everything up. You will wind up with a lean and mean and fast C: drive with zero fragments. After that, you can turn hibernation on again. It's a good idea to do that once or twice a year. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head with the cast iron frying pan. "I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name "Marylou" written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on." The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Shopping By The Seasons By preparing meals with foods that are in season you can save a lot of money. Other seasonal deals to look for are meat sales around the holidays. Some examples are hot dogs before the 4th of July and specialty meats like ham or turkey for Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas. Tip provided by
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
___________________________________________________ Supposedly a true story, but it sounds like an Urban Legend. A British doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she wasn't. A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied: I'm not, I just lie there. When asked if she knew who the father was, with a puzzled look she replied, "No. Who?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The church next door welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 30 in
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow. The Swiss
disagreed and even put the cross bow onto their coat of
arms and flag. They soundly defeated the Empire army of
armored knights. Their tin suits were no match for cross

1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New

1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established
the colony of Pennsylvania in America. 

1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender
the West Point fort to the British army. 

1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils
near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after
nearby Mt. Burgess. 

1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second
Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 

1905 Ty Cobb made his major league batting debut with the
Detroit Tigers. 

1928 The Independence of India League was established in

1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last
railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the Soviet

1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation
headquarters in Japan. 

1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a defense

1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened.

1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East

1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went
into operation. 

1965 Thurgood Marshall was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as
a Supreme Court justice. Marshall was the first black
justice to sit on the Supreme Court. 

1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger blasted off with Guion S.
Bluford Jr. aboard. He was the first black American to
travel in space. 

1984 The space shuttle Discovery lifted off for the first
time. On the voyage three communications satellites were

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were
inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame. 

1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its

1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper.
Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a
bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement. 

1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when
the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to a

1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when
the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull

1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for
independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result
on September 4. 

2002 Conoco Inc. and Phillips Petroleum merged to create
ConocoPhillips. The new company was the third largest
integrated energy company and the second largest refining
company in the U.S. 

2018  smiled.

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