Humor: Transfering files from 98 to XP machine 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  November 25, 2006
======================================

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
--- Arthur C. Clarke

Bloom where you are planted.
--- Socratex

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner
at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the
hostess.

Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented,
"These are very good!
You must have a very good camera."

He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving
to go home he said,
"That was a really delicious meal, Millie!"
"Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically.
Then Morris added, "You must have a very good stove!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A little boy came home from Sunday School with a big candy bar. His mother asked him where he got it. "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said. "That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him. "I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to One shouldn't wear stolen jewelry on MySpace.com. November 22, 2006 - Apollo Beach, Florida - AP Two teenage brothers from Apollo Beach apparently didn't know that. Authorities said they were seen in photos on the Internet social networking site wearing distinctive gold chains that were stolen from a home in Apollo Beach. They've been charged with grand theft. Sheriff's officials said a search of their home led them to four other suspects who face weapons and burglary charges. Hillsborough County sheriff's spokeswoman Debbie Carter said deputies recovered about $4,800 worth of stolen goods, including guns, laptops, jewelry and televisions. Carter said the increasing popularity of webpages has made them a common investigative tool for law enforcement. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Joan for this picture: Sunrise here in Prescott Arizona... on Thanksgiving day... This is looking WEST... while the sun rises in the EAST.... Joan in Prescott, AZ ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men? A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Louie Re: Transfering files from 98 to XP machine Dear Webby, is there anyway that I can transfer files and pictures from my windows 98 to a windows xp without having to open the units and move the hard drives? help would be appreciated on this matter. oh, and by the way, keep up the great work on your site.... great medicine for what ails one...we all could use some laughter in our lives. Louie Dear Louie Network them together. However, if you don't have network cards in both, and a network cable to connect them, then it's easiest to just pop the drive from the old machine into a $25 USB drive case, and run it as a remote drive on the end of a USB cable, that is plugged into any USB port on the XP machine. Just take out the drive from the old 98, go to your favorite computer store and tell them that you want a USB drive case for it. Cases range from simple ones for $4.95, to fancy ones with a fan built in and costing sometimes over $50. I have never used one with a fan and have never overheated a drive. Personally, though, I would get a $2.95 dual drive hard drive cable, and stick the old drive as a second drive into the XP machine. If you have never opened an XP machine, you will be very surprised. That big box is filled with expensive, Chinese air, and very little else. All the component cards and cable salad have been eliminated, and there is lot's of elbow room nowadays. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - Pennsylvania/Michigan - Press Release Each year members of the Pennsylvania State University (Penn State/PSU) American Red Cross Club organize blood drives to correspond with the seasons. Called the "PSU-MSU Challenge," the autumn/Thanksgiving blood drives pit students from Penn State University against students at their rival school, Michigan State University. Part of the recruitment effort behind the blood drives is for each college to try to collect more blood than their rival. Although positioned as a competitive "challenge," the club's ultimate goal is to help ensure an adequate blood supply during the holidays. Does the Penn State-Michigan State rivalry work? You bet. Between the two schools, nearly 3,500 units are collected annually. It's a good thing too since every two seconds someone in America needs blood, but only five percent of the eligible U.S. population donates blood in any given year. And, there is no substitute for human blood. The Red Cross collects nearly half (45 percent) of the nation's blood supply, providing more than 14 million blood products to some 3,000 hospitals nationwide. The holiday season, which begins around Halloween and continues through January, typically sees a drop in blood donations as potential donors begin holiday traveling and their schedules quickly fill up with events and celebrations. Making a donation is quick and easy—taking about an hour, and a single blood donation can help up to three people. To be eligible to donate blood, an individual needs to be at least 17 years old, weigh at least 110 pounds and be in general good health. To learn more about blood donations, visit GiveLife.org. For a more information about the Red Cross, visit Redcross.org.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Those Pumpkin Seeds When carving pumpkins for pie, don't throw out the seeds! Wash off the gooey stuff, spread on a cookie sheet, sprinkle with Lawry's (seasoning) salt and bake at 375 degrees F for about 10 minutes. Makes a great snack. By Sunny
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
I read a story about private pilots getting busted by the FAA and Secret Service for straying into restricted air space -- mostly around President Bush's ranch in Texas. The trouble is, aviation charts aren't updated to include the restricted area and the Secret Service keeps changing the rules. One week it's a 30 mile circle, the next is a 20 mile radius. Right after September 11 a pilot in his 70s who lives near the President's place in Crawford thought it was ok to start flying again. He hopped in his plane and took off. That promptly set off alarms at the nearby Waco control tower, who dispatched F-16s to bring the man down. He was then escorted to Waco for questioning. After questioning the man and determining he was not a threat to the President, the Secret Service gave him a ride home. When they pulled up into the yard, the man's wife came charging out of the house, wiping her hands on her apron and screaming at the man. "You DUMBASS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO FLYING!" The man turned to the agents and said, "Can I go back to Waco with y'all?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Check before digging! http://map.pequenopolis.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Floating pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  November 24, 2006
======================================

"If you are poor, though you dwell in the busy marketplace,
no one will inquire about you; if you are rich, though you
dwell in the heart of the mountains, you will have distant
relatives."
--- Chinese Proverb

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy
      drops off significantly after age 25.

OPINION: If English was good enough for Jesus
        Christ, then it's good enough for me.

LAWYER'S OBSERVATION: " I don't know anyone here
        that's been killed by a handgun."

LITERATE PROCLAMATION: "We don't want to open a
        box of Pandoras !"

YOGI BERRA SAID: "I really didn't say everything I said."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies." Risking further embarrassment, the mother ask for details on how to make babies." "It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Michael Jackson, 34, of Manchester, NJ November 20, 2006 - Manchester, New Jersey - AP A police officer who claimed he was conducting his own prostitution sting and strip search ended up being the one arrested. Authorities arrested James Michael Jackson, a police officer with the state Department of Human Services, and charged him with sexual assault and sexual misconduct for the so-called sting. According to authorities, Jackson, 34, of Toms River, arranged through a service for a woman to meet him Wednesday at a local hotel in Manchester. When she arrived, Jackson, carrying a badge and gun, told her she was under arrest. He made her take off her clothes and consent to a body cavity search before letting her go, said Ocean County Assistant Prosecutor Martin Anton. The prosecutor said Jackson overstepped his bounds as a law enforcement official when he placed the female prostitute under arrest and performed a strip search. As a police officer, Jackson had authority to make arrests, but not through an undercover operation of his own, Anton said. "And a male to strip-search a female is just not done," he added. The woman reported the incident to authorities the next day, after she talked to law enforcement officers she knew who said Jackson's behavior was illegal. Jackson had been a police officer with Human Services for about six years. The department has about 75 officers working in various institutions and psychiatric hospitals or, in Jackson's case, with children's services case officers. Jackson was assigned to the Division of Youth and Family Services' Monmouth South office in Asbury Park. Ed Rogan, a spokesman for the state Department of Human Services, expected that Jackson would be suspended by Monday, with proceedings leading to his termination starting soon after. Jackson, who is free on $50,000 bail, faces five to 10 years in prison if convicted. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Real notes to the Milkman These notes left for milkmen came from England, where milk apparently is still being delivered. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Cancel one pint after the day after today." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." "Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea." "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." "Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." "When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carina Re: Floating pictures Dear Webby, How do I fix pictures of carvings that I want to sell into pictures where thyfloat on the page, like in catalogs? Thanks Carina Dear Carina Dye a sheet with the exact same color as you have for your page background, or paint some plywood with that color. Then set up the items as far in front of that background as you can, and still have background margins on all sides. Take the pictures with a remote slave flash at least an arms length to the side and above the camera, just like old time photographers did with their flash pans. If you want warmer colors, use a 250 Watt Quartz worklight. Once you have the pictures on the computer, first reduce the size to what you need. Then use the Magic Wand selector and select the background. Set the background color in your pallette to a solid color exactly the same as your page background color. Now, when you hit DELETE, the selected picture background is deleted and replaced with the page background. Next set the transparency to the background color. You may think you got the exact page color, but different browsers and monitors will show a slight difference. So just turn the background transparent. The reason we used closely related colors for the wall and the cut is because of the fuzzy anti-aliasing used to smooth the jaggies from the cut. If you ignore that, you will wind up with amateurish halos around your pictures. For an extra touch you can add a drop shadow. Use 50% more blur than offset. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - San Francisco, California - Press Release Organic Bouquet, the eco-flower pioneer, introduces the America's largest collection of eco-wreaths, both decorative and culinary. Organic Bouquet will donate a portion of sales from the Pine Peace Wreaths to Adopt-a-Minefield, which engages individuals, community groups and businesses in the United Nations effort to resolve the global landmine crisis. "Adopt-A-Minefield is working to rectify a horrible world crisis that maims or kills 15,000 to 20,000 people every year, of which 30 to 40 percent are children," said Organic Bouquet CEO Gerald Prolman. "All of our wreaths support sustainable farming, which encourages healthy stewardship of the earth and key to preserving our natural resources." To see Organic Bouquet's entire collection of organic and wild-crafted holiday wreaths, visit www.organicbouquet.com.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Turkey Tip You don't have to stuff yourself with all that turkey right away. Cut it up into bite sized pieces, and measure the turkey into individual freezer bags. Divide the turkey into the amounts you normally use turkey or chicken in recipes. Next time you want to make a casserole or something, your turkey is all cooked and measured for you, and you just have to toss it in with the other ingredients for a quick dinner. And it isn't as boring as two weeks of turkey sandwiches! By Lynn
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dear Diary: Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately" The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." Which is what led up to Bob asking me why there was lettuce in our bed that night. Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put a! ll ingredients in bowl and beat it." There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. Saturday: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. ( oh boy) For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. Sunday: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. Good night, Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with "Chocolate Moose." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because"; the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Morning Doves http://www.all-birds.com/Mourning-Dove.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: IE7 still too buggy 

Good Morning,   !
Wenesday,  November 22, 2006
======================================

It is not a lack of love,
but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

You have your way. I have my way.
As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way,
it does not exist.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this news report:
Apple computers
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer
chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts .
The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because
women are always complaining about men staring
at their breasts and not listening to them.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Military police in Niteroi, Brazil Police sue gym teacher Military police in a Brazilian city are suing a school gym teacher for teaching his students to play football. They complain the footballs always land in their car park, damaging cars, O Dia newspaper reports. The Military Police Association of Niteroi is taking legal action against Assad Couto, gym teacher of the Military Police Superior School next door. A school spokesman blasted: "This is ridiculous, they are a bunch of old, frustrated policeman who can't stand the vitality of our students!" But an association spokesperson hit back: "It is obvious these kids can't play football, they are hopeless! "They are constantly jumping our wall to catch the balls, if they were good they wouldn't need to do that, they would be scoring goals!" ------------ When they say "football", they actually mean what is called "soccer" in North America. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marlene Re: Wait with IE7 Dear Webby, All the techs here say that IE7 is a "half baked nuisance", or worse. Is it safe to install yet? Marlene Dear Marlene I agree 100% with your techs. IE7 was rushed out prematurely, apparently because somebody had a bet that it would be ready before the current version of Firefox. (which is just as half baked too) Luckily Microsoft is not yet forcing IE7 on you, and just letting eager beavers and silly sheep play with it, to tell them which zippers were left down and what all is missing. Just today I found out about another IE7 problem: FTP in IE7 is crippled, just like in Firefox. So, since there is no compelling reason to use that unfinished IE7, don't waste time with it yet. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 19, 2006 - Augusta, Maine - AP A German Shepherd named Levi may be old, but his hearing is still pretty good, his owner said after the dog helped police collar a burglary suspect. When 11-year-old Levi spotted a couple of prowlers trying to break into parked cars in Augusta at 3 a.m. Thursday, he growled until his owner, Joyce Luce, woke up and got out of bed. When she looked out the window, Luce saw a pair of young men in hooded sweat shirts breaking into cars. Luce called police, who arrived quickly and arrested Nathaniel Provencher, 18, of Limington, on burglary and other charges. Provencher is free on bail and police were trying to find his alleged accomplice. Augusta Police Lt. Christopher Read was glad to get assistance from Luce's pet. "We're very happy her alert dog is on watch," Read said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Replacing Turkey with Chicken in Recipes Many recipes for chicken work just as well with holiday turkey leftovers. I used a chicken curry recipe for dinner and substituted turkey. The flavor is better if the pieces of turkey are stir fried just enough to brown them. By Lynn
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Thanks to Sandie for this observation: How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages..... English I Love You Spanish Te Amo French Je T'aime German lch Liebe Dich Japanese Ai Shite Imasu Italian Ti Amo Chinese Wo Ai Ni Swedish Jag Alskar Alabama Arkansas Kansas Oklahoma Texas North Carolina South Carolina Georgia Tennessee Idaho Missouri Mississippi Montana Louisiana Virginia West Virginia Kentucky parts of Florida Nice Ass, Get in the truck
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Clear Type Font Tuner 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  November 21, 2006
======================================

Everyone thinks of changing the world,
but no one thinks of changing himself.
--- Leo Tolstoy

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
-- Laurence J. Peter

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
-- Malcolm Forbes

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in
their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play.

The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come
to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot."

Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little
boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were
going to be filled with grown-ups.

The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to
remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two
boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher
whispered for them to begin.

The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words.....
"My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch!
And fill your hole with soap."

The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot,
a postle shiss, a pot of s---t, this is bull s---t... I never
wanted to be in this lousy play anyway...

The audience left howling

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to November 17, 2006 - New Cumberland, West Virginia - AP A man facing robbery charges will receive a new trial after a juror was overheard saying the defendant should be convicted quickly so the jury could go home. The statement was allegedly made when the 12 jurors were taking a lunch break in Glenn A. Stewart's trial in Hancock County Circuit Court. Circuit Judge Martin J. Gaughan declared a mistrial Tuesday after questioning two jurors. One denied making the remark and the other couldn't verify that the remark was made. "Someone came in off the street, someone known to the court system, and said he heard one of the jurors say, 'We have to find this guy guilty in a hurry so that we can get home,"' Gaughan told the Weirton Daily Times. "The obligation to give the guy a fair trial is so strong that this is the best way to handle it." Stewart, 21, was being held in jail pending his new trial, which is scheduled for Nov., 30, said a spokeswoman for the county prosecutor's office. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD This Is AMAZING!!! Until now I never fully understood how to tell, The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now. Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely... See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. Cookie ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== My friend Judy was working at a Maine costal resort when she answered a call for information about the inn. After finishing the conversation, Judy stepped away from the desk. When the phone rang again, a student intern took the call. "I forgot to ask something." the caller said, "How are the rooms appointed?" "Well, six of them are appointed west," the student said, "and the rest are appointed east." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darla Re: IE7 Fonts Dear Webby, Thanks for your reply to my computer question. We didn't download Internet 7 from a link in an e-mail but went to the Microsoft Sight and checked for Updates. I did find something in the Help Menu in regards to blurry fonts, called ClearType. I'll work with that some. Thanks again Dear Darla I have used the ClearType setting for many years. Once upon a time, the only way to get at them was through the advanced monitor settings, then came TweakUI, and with XP we got the XP PowerToys. However, don't just turn ClearType on or off! Try tuning it first. If you go to Clear Type Tuner http://www.microsoft.com/typography/cle ... Step1.aspx you can even do it on-line. Just select the best setting on each step and when you are through, what you have selected is set into your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 20, 2006 - San Francisco, California Make love, not war. That sentiment from the 60s is being recalled by San Francisco area peace activists Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55. They're organizing what they term the Global Orgasm for Peace. On the first day of winter, the couple wants peace-lovers to stay home and make love. They said a synchronized global orgasm will give rise to a meditative-like state, which can lead to peaceful change. The couple said their global Web site is getting 26,000 hits a day. ------------------------- Good idea, but poor choice of date. Men will cheerfully cooperate, but a few days before Christmas, women seem to prefer getting frazzled about pre-Christmas sales.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting the Most out of Turkey or Chicken Bones To pull the calcium out of chicken or turkey bones add 1 ounce vinegar to each quart of water up to 4 ounces total when you are making soup stock. It will not give a vinegar taste to the soup but will draw out ALL the nutrients in the bones. By Reta
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: IE7 woes 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 20, 2006
======================================

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those
in touch with it.
-- Jane Wagner

If you think your boss is stupid, remember;
you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
-- Albert Grant

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Chris for binging back this classic:

ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a
loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or
later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped,
Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and
have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4
months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides
over and whispers,

"What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== This quiz has been around since we were kids. Do you remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to the left side or to the right side? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. You don't bury survivors. 2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. The outside. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 7 year old armed robber in Largo, Florida Armed robber, 7, in Lego heist Police in Florida are looking for a little girl, aged about seven, who tried to steal Lego at knife-point. The girl pulled a knife on a cashier at a Wal-Mart store in Largo as she tried to walk out with two boxes of Lego. Police say the girl, aged about seven or eight, hid the toys under her coat and tried to walk out, reports Tampabays10.com. A store employee approached the child, asking her to turn over the Lego blocks. Police say the little girl then opened her jacket and pulled out a 10ins carving knife. The employee talked the girl into putting down the knife and the toys. The girl then rode away on her bicycle. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Bernice, the party puppy ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to go and see you...." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "Well, what do you think," says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DRMIXON Re: IE7 Dear Webby, I was wondering if you could help me with a computer question. I just did an update to Internet Explorer 7 and now the print on my screen looks a little smaller and fuzzier. If I change the text size from medium to larger it still looks fuzzy. I had no problem with it before I did the download and I know it's not my eyes. If there something I need to do ? Also when I play a game that has a chat window, I have to keep scrolling up and down to play the game and to chat, I can't get the whole game large enough on the screen. Thanks for your help. I love your newsletter, it's just great !! D Mixon Dear D Sounds like you may have gotten the fake IE7 from Russia. If you went to a site that looked like Micrsoft's after reading an email telling you to upgrade to IE7, then your computer is infected with the fake IE7 and one or more trojans. The real IE7, that is installed automatically by Microsoft during their routine overnight automatic security patches, is not known for having those problems. You can try uninstalling the fake IE7 and getting rid of the trojans, and getting the proper IE7 from Microsoft by typing their address into the address bar manually, just like with PayPal, NEVER from a link. After that, try to correct the appearance setting damage done by the fake IE7 with TweakUI or XP-Power-Toys. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 13, 2006 - Columbus, Ohio - Columbus Dispatch Barb Jones spends her days crawling through piles of straw with a 15-pound baby gorilla on her back, sometimes climbing up on platforms inside the cage. It's all part of being a surrogate mother to baby gorillas, but that doesn't mean it's easy work for the 68-year-old Jones, who's been doing it for 26 years. ''Now, I need a little help scaling the ropes,'' she said. ''But I can't not do what they are going to do.'' Jones, a primate nursery keeper at the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, works to break the cycle of primates born in captivity who never learn how to care for their offspring. She teaches the young gorillas how to be babies while adult gorillas watch and learn their own roles. The hope is that the babies will grow up to be better caregivers that can look after their own young.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use the Crockpot for Stuffing Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the extra fat dripping from the turkey. By Linda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!" ======================================== Yesterday 65 people cared enough to check the Pervert Alerts Considering that that site is top-listed at Google, that count gives me a very strong message: Save that hour of work and use it for something of interest to more than just 65 people. I will. Today is the last live Pervert Alert Report. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== GREAT NEWSLETTER. LOVE IT ALL JOKES, PICTURES. NEW LINKS TO OPEN, JUST EVERYTHING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK DWANNA
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Karchner Cavern http://www.niler.com/kc5.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: 64 Bit upgrade 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  November 19, 2006
======================================

Political Correctness:
A doctrine fostered bya delusional, illogical liberal
minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous
mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the
clean end.
--- Kati

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your
nurse, even when you're feeling miserable.

A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering
his nurses around as if they were his employees.

But the head nurse stood up to him.

One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have
to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled
down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading,
I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually
he rolled over and bared his bottom.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard
her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just
like that until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he
cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past
his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's
doctor came into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't
you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

"Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a pocket notebook and write things down so as not to forget. Several days later, the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you're up." He says, "OK." She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd better write that down." He says, "I won't forget." She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd better write all this down." He says, "I won't forget." He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I knew you'd forget." He says, "What did I forget?" She says, "My toast!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a robber in Stuart, Florida Machete Stand - Off NOVEMBER 15--In a Crocodile Dundee-like moment, a Florida convenience store clerk repelled a machete-wielding robber by pulling out her own machete from behind the store's counter, a faceoff captured by a store surveillance camera. On Tuesday, a man wearing a blue sweatshirt and baggy jeans approached the counter of the Lil' Saints store in Stuart and pulled the weapon from his pants. After he moved away from the counter for a moment, clerk Guillermina Sanchez, 46, grabbed her machete from under the cash register. After a 20-second standoff (during which time the man frantically pressed keys on the register in a bid to open it), the robber left the business. Detectives believe the suspect in the November 13 incident was also behind a mid-October robbery at the store which netted him about $500. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/11 ... hete1.html =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Nita for tis picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn- out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing. The smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people." I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said of Hell?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== This is a true story from an Amoco Christmas party in Australia last year. At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a practical joke on their department boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes on everyone else. When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his lottery Ticket. Then, they wrote down his numbers and called over the waitress to set up a little prank. The waitress came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night's Lotto numbers. She proceeded to read the numbers (the boss's numbers) out loud before setting the numbers on the table. The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his from his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again, and checked the numbers, very carefully. Then he downed his drink, stood up on his chair, and shouted out to the whole room, "I just want to let you all know something. I've been having an affair with my secretary for months, and with my bosses secretary for years. "I don't like any of you, and I have hated working for this lousy company. You can all go to Hell, cause I've just won loads of money, and I'm leaving." He walked out of the party and was never seen again. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Old Prospector Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer Dear Webby, is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without buying a new computer? thanks, The Old Prospector Dear Old Prospector You CAN, if you buy a new motherboard, new CPU and a few other components. You can't just paint extra lines into the 32 data lanes and make 64 lanes. Just format your computer and re-install everything, and it will be a speed demon like it was on day one. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Man hands over wife to pay debt A Romanian man has handed over his wife to a creditor as payment for his debts. Emil Iancu, from tIghisu Nou, gave his wife Daniela to 72 year-old Jozef Justien Lostrie when he turned up on his doorstep to collect a £1,800 debt. Iancu said: "I had no money to pay the debt and when I told Lostrie he said he would take my wife instead. "I was scared of what he would do and so I signed a document saying Daniela would live with him." But Daniela says the deal has proved better for her. "Before I had to clean the house and look after our three children on my own, while Emil did nothing, but now I'm treated like a guest and hardly have to raise a finger," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Mashed Potatoes Ahead Making mashed potatoes at the last minute in order to keep them hot is very tricky while your juggling everything else for Thanksgiving. I make them a day or two before. I just make them as usual, sometimes adding sour cream and garlic salt. Put them in a casserole dish and refrigerate. Then on Thanksgiving, I pull them out and let set to room temperature and microwave to warm them up at the last minute. No one knows they were done early. By Candace
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Words Women Use (And What They Mean) FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A. Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing". ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby Yesterday 95 people cared enough to check the Pervert Alerts ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: World Library http://worldcat.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Lighten digital pix 

Good Morning !
Saturday,  November 18, 2006
======================================


Every increased possession loads us with new weariness.
--- John Ruskin


I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
--- Zach Braff


======================================
Text-End, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


A tenant in an apartment in Dublin phoned the police that
there was a fight going on in the apartment right over him.
So when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment,
he heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good
old Irish brawl. He rapped on the door with his night
stick and the door was opened by a very determined and
disheveled woman.


"Who's head of the family here?"


"You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're
trying to settle inside.


===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A little old man shuffles slowly into an ice cream parlor, crawls painfully onto a stool, and orders a banana split. The waitress asks, "Crushed nuts?" He replies "No, arthritis." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Barbara Joan March, 61, from Connecticut NOVEMBER 17--Until former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor recently spilled the beans, federal prosecutors had succeeded in keeping quiet the details of a plot to poison all nine members of the high court as well as two top FBI officials. During a speech at a legal conference in Texas last week, O'Connor made a passing reference to the scheme as she talked about assorted attacks on the judiciary. Barbara Joan March, a 61-year-old Connecticut resident, was sentenced last month to 15 years in prison for mailing letters "containing either a baked good or a piece of candy laced with rat poison" to the nine justices, FBI Director Robert Mueller, and another bureau official. According to an indictment, a note to O'Connor (which accompanied the spiked treat) stated, "We are going to kill you. This is poisoned." March placed the names of various acquaintances (former classmates, an ex-roommate, a former co-worker, etc.) on the letters she mailed, in an apparent bid to mask her identity. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dack in Thailand for a picture of Chiang Mai park. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old man in overalls was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, Nope." As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man muttered, "that ain't my dog. My dog is sleeping there in mah rockin chair." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms. As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm. "Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan!" "I don't know," George says, "what's your kid done now?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: Lightening pictures Dear Webby, When I try to lighten a picture that is too dark, it gets milky. Is there a way around that? I'm referring to digital photos. Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda Start with the full size original of the picure. Lighten it no more than 5%, and increase contrast 10%. Then shrink the picture about 5%. Next, increase color saturation about 5-10 percent. Repeat from the start. Here is how it works: Every time you shrink the picture, groups of pixels get averaged into single pixels or smaller groups of pixels. By exaggerating the colors when you increase saturation, you counter-act the pixels that have turned white from the lightening. Do all these maipulations in PSP or PSD format, and don't save until done. During the saving there is usually some compression, which robs color depth. Here is an example: There were dark, solid clouds overhead, and a narrow ribbon of color on the horizon. For this example I deliberately shot it too dark by opening the flash. That messes up the camera's computer, because it figures you will be taking a picture of a streaker or something that will be happening close enough to be lit up by the flash. So it shortens the exposure time accordingly. The right half of the picture is the original, the left half is the part that I lightened with the above mentioned steps. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Hi-tech walking stick German scientists have developed an intelligent walking stick that calls an ambulance if the owner falls over. Scientists at the Fraunhofer Institute for Experimental Software Development in Kaiserslautern invented the 'i-Stick'. It's part of an ongoing Assisted Living project to use technology to help elderly people. If a sensor in the i-Stick registers that it is in a horizontal position, for example if its elderly owner has fallen over, it sends a signal to a control unit which plays a message telling the owner to pick it up. If the stick remains on the floor the control box is programmed to call either an ambulance directly or a chosen relative. I-Sticks have yet to hit stores, but the scientists are currently looking for a distributor.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Remote If you have kids you can prevent gooey and dirty hands from gumming up your remote control by placing it in a ziplock bag. They can still see the controls but can't gum up the buttons.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father: "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby Yesterday 46 people cared enough to check the Pervert Alerts ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two old gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know---the one that is red and has thorns?" "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes," the man said, turning to the kitchen. "ROSE!" he shouted. "What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== Text-End, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Nov 17/06: Save videos 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  November 17, 2006
======================================

"Live so that your friends can defend you, but never have to."
--- Arnold Glasow

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts
using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
--- Evan Esar

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Linda got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered
what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a
snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what
she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if
she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the
Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television......" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan James Hathaway, 20, from DULUTH, Minn. Got Dear With A Deer The Smoking Gun Report http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1116061deer1.html =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for a picture of her cat "CC". ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== After a tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said, "Miss, would y'all give me a piece of ass?" "Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she smiled and added, "Sure, why not? It's pretty slow here right now, so let's go!" When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else?" "Yes," replied the tourist. "Where ah come from in Alabama, we lack our bourbon 'n watuh cold, so ah still need a piece uh ass for mah drink....." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Monk Re: Saving videos Dear Webby, I am just now catching up with my Webby news letters. What must I do to put your Bonus link (a Pittance of time) into my video or my music folder in my documents my computer Sir? Monk Dear Monk When you play it with MediaPlayer, let it play to the end, then click on File SaveAs and tell it where on your computer you want to park it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kidnapper shoots own testicle A would-be kidnapper shot his own testicle after tucking his gun into the waistband of his trousers. It happened as three men were attempting to kidnap a teenager in a dispute over stereo speakers in Wichita, Kansas. One of the three pulled out a gun, fired it at the teen and missed, reports the Wichita Eagle. The gunman jammed the pistol back into the waistband of his pants - and it went off, hitting him in the left testicle. The 23-year-old man's reaction to his injury caused the gun to fire again, hitting himself in the left calf. The man was arrested after he walked into a medical centre seeking help. His companions, ages 18 and 20, were also arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Your Day With a List If you are generally disorganized, get a spiral notebook and start making lists. Start by writing today's date followed by everything you need to do that day. As you finish items, cross them out with a single line, so you can still read what it said. If there is anything still on your list at the end of the day, write it at the top of the list the following day. Start your day with a list and you get more done.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
From Georgin.: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Mom can drink a LOT more than that!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting, "Touchdown!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Musical Instruments http://www.worldmusicalinstruments.com/ ... uments.asp This bonus link is from Chuck: http://www.davidrumsey.com/ David Rumsey Map Collection. A collection of over 13,600 historic maps on the internet, plus a collection of them on google earth. Chuck
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Nov 16/06: Transferring pix from camera 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  November 16, 2006
======================================

I can't listen to that much Wagner.
I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
--- Woody Allen

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
--- Jimmy Buffett

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station,
our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you worthless morons
fall out!"

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained standing
at attention.

The Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with
me, and then raised a single eyebrow.  I smiled and said,
"Sure were a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Tebbutt, from East London, South Africa Canoeist grabs shark by tail A South African canoeist got into trouble after he mistakenly grabbed a dangerous Zambezi shark by the tail. Richard Tebbutt was paddling on the Nahoon River when he saw a fisherman on the bank battling to pull in a "very big fish". The canoeist, from East London, leapt out of his canoe, intent on helping the fisherman, reports the Dispatch. "I just jumped out of my canoe and dived down and grabbed the fish by its tail. I got the shock of my life when I saw a big Zambezi shark, charging towards me," he said. "The shark quickly turned around, grabbed my left arm and lacerated it. Within a split second, I saw my blood in the river. "I just smacked the shark as hard as I could with my right arm to get it to let go of me." He succeeded in getting the 5ft predator to back off - but only for a few moments until it tried to attack him again. "I immediately jumped out of the water onto the rocks and it missed me. I could have been dead by now," he said. Back on dry land, Mr Tebbutt realised he was losing blood. His son, also out paddling, helped take him to a family friend, who rushed him to hospital where he had 50 stitches in his left arm. =========================================== =========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche fan. She told the class to raise their hands if they were true Avalanche fans like her. The children, not knowing what an Avalanche fan was, raised their hands. They too wanted to be just like the teacher, all except one little girl. She did not raise her hand. The teacher approached her and asked, "Why aren't you an Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love them." The little girl responded, "I'm a Detroit Red Wings fan." The teacher asked, "Why are you a Wings fan?" The little girl said, "Well, my parents are Wings fans." The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, "Just because your parents are Wings fans doesn't make you one. What if your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make you?" The little girl thought for a moment and said, "Well, that would probably make me an Avalanche fan." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Dr. Connie for this report: What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you. "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit. "We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. "Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that I can prescribe something for. "Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit off their tongues. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here? "This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. "Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one. "There is a lot of that going around." That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this. "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Claudie Re: Transferring pix from camera Dear Webby What is better, to take the chip out of a camera and use a chip reader to transfer the pictures to the computer, or plug the camera directly into the computer? Claudie Dear Claudie As long as you take the batteries out of the camera, you can safely, though slowly, transfer the pictures directly from the camera. If you don't take the batteries out first, they will get drained quickly. The batteries are usually 4 x 1.5 = 6Volt, and the computer USB port is 5 Volt. If you use a cheap chip reader, the transfer speed is much higher and the camera batteries are not affected. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Lovestruck Serb says it with taxis A lovestruck Serbian man hired a fleet of cabs to spell out his wedding proposal. Vujadin Stojkovic, from Arandjelovac, hired a dozen taxi drivers to propose to girlfriend Ivana Novakovic. He paid each cabbie to paint a single letter of 'udaj se za mene' - which means 'marry me' - on the side of their cabs and then pull up outside Ivana's house. When Novakovic saw the taxis and her boyfriend stepping out of one of them she burst into tears and immediately said yes to his proposal, local media reported.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Closet Organizer Plastic milk crates make great closet organizers for stacking clothing. The old sturdy milk crates are pretty hard to come by at this point, but you can purchase light weight plastic crates at the dollar store or department store that work just as well.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this story: We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the towels."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 15/06: Why PDF? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  November 15, 2006
======================================

"Quality questions create a quality life.
Successful people ask better questions, and as a result,
they get better answers."
— Anthony Robbins

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in
Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father
O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan,
didn't I marry you two years ago?"

"You did that, Father."

"And are there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father."

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light
a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father,
"how are you?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four
singles--ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your
lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody
candle of yours!"

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Abe, an old Jewish man, was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.." So Abe asks, "Are my children here?" "Yes, daddy, we're all here," say the children. Abe inquires, "Are my other relatives also here?" And they say, "Yes, we are all here..." So Abe sits up and yells, "THEN WHY THE LIGHT IN THE KITCHEN IS ON?!?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Krasek, 20, of Portage, Indiana Woman crashes car after driving test A US woman completed her driving test - then crashed into the examiners' office. Jessica Krasek, 20, smashed into the Portage License Bureau office in Indiana, reports the Post-Tribune. She wasn't hurt when her Ford Taurus car struck the front window of the license branch office, but a bureau worker suffered a hip injury and was examined by paramedics. Portage Assistant Fire Chief Mike Bucy said Krasek was pulling into a parking space when she hit the accelerator, instead of the brake. Susan Williams, manager of the Amazing Travel shop next door, said she thought there had been an explosion. "We jumped up and we went to the door and saw the car half in and half out of the license bureau," Williams said. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture of Betty-Sue and her new Alabama Silicone job. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== At the conclusion of his lecture to a group of young recruits, the legendary paratrooper asked for questions. A hand shot up. "What made you decide to make that first jump, sir?" Without hesitating, the paratrooper replied," Ran out of fuel, 10,000 feet above a nudist camp." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A young woman ducked into an exclusive (no kids allowed) dress shop leaving her five-year-old son in charge of his one- year- old sister. When she finally emerged, there was her son pushing a different stroller, her daughter nowhere in sight. "Daniel? What are you doing?" she said. "That's not your sister!" "Shhhhhh, Mom," he replied. "This is a much better stroller. It's got REAL tires!." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Celine Re: Why PDF? Dear Webby Why do people use that annoying PDF? It's just a snooty nuisance and anyhting that can be written with PDF, I can do better with HTML. I think it's just a rip-off! Celine Dear Celine PDF means Portable Document Format. A file in that format will look and print exactly the same no matter whether it is printed on a Windows, Mac, Unix or Linux system. For example, a tax form will fill exactly one page, not one page on PCs and one page plus two lines on the next page for Mac users. The PDF format also protects the original content against easy editing. Users can't easily edit a will or a contract or invoice if it is in PDF. I won't dispute that the PDF format can be a bit of a nuisance some times, but it is a common standard, that has been agreed upon, and that will probably stick around as long as the IRS has printable tax forms. You might as well get used to it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Truants face pigsties A Romanian high school has introduced a new punishment for students who miss classes - cleaning the pigsties. Officials of the Ion Mincu High School, in Vaslui, introduced the move because they said traditional punishments were no longer effective. They believe the pigsty punishment will motivate students not to miss classes without good reason as "besides the dirty work they will suffer colleagues' irony". Headmaster Dan Magureanu explained: "This way, we believe slackers have a good chance to know how their future will look like if they don't come to school and perform their duties." The new punishment, to be performed at the school's own farm, was decided after consultations with students' parents.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Find Out What You Wear Keep your closet organized by getting rid of clothing that you no longer wear. A good way to find out what you wear is to take all the hangers and turn them around so they are facing the wrong way. As you wear, wash and return clothing back to the closet, hang the clothing the correct way. After a month or two, any clothing still facing the wrong direction should probably be stored or donated.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself. The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: " We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties...". The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you, The Chief and All Firefighters". ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby loved the pictures of Tibet, "thank you Dianne", the Dalai Lama is coming to my hometown Bendigo next year and I hope to see him. Regards, Trish from Oz
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: A Lovely World 4793 photos from 56 countries http://www.alovelyworld.com/index2.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 14/06: PDF readers 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  November 14, 2006
======================================

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by
age eighteen.
--- Albert Einstein

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run
from or fight its enemies is lunch.
--- Michael Friedman

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

 A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
 women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
 shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
 The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,

 "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law...." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ingrid Schoppenhauer, 76, from Bavaria, Germany OAP's U-turn causes nine crashes A pensioner caused nine separate crashes after executing a U-turn on a German motorway. Ingrid Schoppenhauer, 76, caused £35,000 of damage along the A9 Autobahn as drivers piled into each other. She calmly explained to officers that she had been trying to get to the Bavarian city of Bayreuth but had taken a wrong turn and got on the A9 Autobahn heading towards Berlin. She said she wanted to get off the motorway as quickly as possible and decided to do a U-turn and head back to the correct exit. No one was seriously injured in the accidents but police confiscated the woman's licence. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Chenli for this picture of the sun in late afternoon fog from her office in Quidu, China. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 1 hour and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They all got off except for a blind man and his dog. The pilot went to the back of the plane and saw the blind man. He had known him from his travels before. He approached the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the plane and stretch your legs?" "No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would." A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog. Most passengers changed their flight. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When Pastor Ovall picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the line. "Hello, Pastor Ovall?" "Yes, this is he." "I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Shipe. Do you recognize the name?" "Yes, he is a member of our congregation. How can I be of service?" "Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductible contribution to your church? Is that true?" "Well, I'll have to have my bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Shipe say he contributed?" "Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik. "Can you tell me if that's true?" There was a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied Pastor Ovall, "Call back tomorrow. By then it will be." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Better PDF viewer Dear Webby I appreciate what help you are giving. I think there is a problem with my registry. I cant use Adobe reader now because it wants me to use the latest version and now I cant install that. Do you know of any other PDF viewers. I seem to remember something in my distant path of my mind. .... lol Eventually Im going to do a re-instal. For now I'll limp by until I get up the nerve. Thanks Richard in Edmonton Dear Richard Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for the PDF readers. There is a link there to Foxit. It is smaller and faster than Adobe, and works just fine, even with ClickBook. I haven't used Adobe in years. And it's free. Especially when you are doing research and have 4-5 e-boooks open, Foxit handles that easily, without overloading your computer even while printing one with Clickbook, while reading others. I print all ebooks in paperback book size booklets, 4 pages per sheet, with ClickBook. Saves a lot of paper and ink. That's the same as a 75% discount on all ink and all paper! Also, the paperback size format, printed front and back, makes them a lot more useful than loose, full size sheets. Right now ClickBook is on special at Clickbook for under $30 (40% off regular price). Highly recommended! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Grandson's card trick An electrical engineer received a postcard from his grandson addressed simply to 'The Washing Machine Man'. James Tungate, six, sent the card as a test while on holiday in Bude, Cornwall, reports the Daily Mirror. The only address he wrote on it was 'The Washing Machine Man, Ixworth' - but his message still reached Gordon Palastanga at his Suffolk home 340 miles away. It read: "Dear Granddad, We caught 57 crabs, from James." And the lad's father Richard, 37, wrote at the top: "I bet the Royal Mail can't deliver this." Gordon, 62, said he was "chuffed" adding: "I suppose I'm well known in the area because I have been in the business so long." A Royal Mail spokesman said: "We always try to go the extra mile to deliver the post."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thread Wall Organizer Keep spools of thread out of the way but in plain view by making this easy wall organizer. Cut a piece of plywood to the desired size and attach wall hangers on the top of it. Then cover the plywood with 1 1/2 inch headless nails (finishing nails work great). Position the nails at an angle so the thread spools don't slide off. I once made pegboards like that for a girlfriend, who did a lot of embroidery. For the wood I used regular "holy" panel like you see in hardware stores. The holes were an exact match for 3/16" dowels, just perfect for holding the little styrofoam spools she used for winding the yarns onto after untangling the skeins. I cut those pegboards to fit into an attache style hard briefcase and painted them with thick and smooth high gloss marine paint. Each of those panels held a "pallette" of colors, for example one was pastels, one was bright Brazilian embroidery rayon yarns, and so on. I made it so that four pallets just snugly fit into the case. With the cover closed, the yarns were protected from dust and smoke. Easy to make and might make a nice Christmas gift. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Nina and Rosey meet for lunch and Nina seems a little depressed. "Whats wrong Nina? " asks Rosey. Nina replies, "Well, a friend of mine set me up on a blind date and I told her the criteria I was looking for in a man. " "Yeah, so, whats the problem?" asks Rosey. "Well," Nina said, "My friend must have misunderstood me, cause the guy that showed up was as smart as a horse and hung like Einstein!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they try to escape?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Tibet http://www.chinaodysseytours.com/tibet/ ... apes01.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 13/06: Dressed Alike 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 13, 2006
======================================

Facts are stupid things.
-- Ronald Reagan

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the
importance of turning around three times before lying down.
--- Robert Benchley

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is
putting on its shoes.
-- Mark Twain

"This is a new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite
designer, On Sale."
--- Rita Rudner

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

For those of you who are Internet marketers or get some
portion of your income over the net, here is a free, no obligation
report without any sales or hype: Death Of Internet Marketing
(as we know it) It is about the changes underway now.
http://webby.com/dim

There is also a free bonus attached, a report that informs
PayPal merchants about some of the obscure rules and
regulations at PayPal, which got quite a few businesses
knocked out. If you are in business, read it! It's as important
as an IRS buletin, but a lot easier to read!

It's free, with no obligation or sales. Just a precise report for
insiders. Click on:
http://webby.com/dim

===========================================

I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.
My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album
one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in
matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all
alike, right down to the baby.

She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed
you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added,
looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four
came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up
any that don't belong to us."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his newspaper he replied, "About 10 years." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Greyhound Bus Lines Kicking up a stink A US family is suing Greyhound after the contents of a bus toilet were dumped through their open car sunroof. Robert and Angela Stokes and their three children, aged nine, ten and 22, were covered with feces, urine and toilet paper, reports the Toledo Blade. The family, from Ottawa County, Ohio, were returning from a meal out at a Toledo restaurant when it happened. They were following a Greyhound bus on an interstate highway when the contents of the bus's sanitary tank were suddenly dumped on their 4x4 vehicle. The waste went through the open windows and sunroof of their Ford Explorer, drenching all five family members. "My client was driving in heavy traffic. They had nowhere to go. What can you do?'' said Robert Bryce, an attorney for the family. Despite being covered with waste, Mr. Stokes followed the bus to obtain its identification information and registration number. The Stokes are seeking more than £150,000 damages from Greyhound for damage to the vehicle and their clothing, plus medical treatment and testing for infectious diseases. Mr. Bryce said the Stokes' vehicle was declared a total loss by their insurance company because the stench and filth couldn't be removed, even though the interior was steam cleaned several times. Greyhound declined to comment. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Unc Wes for this picture OOOPS ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== An old man in Austin calls his son in Dodge City (Kansas). The conversation goes as follows. Dad: Son, I hate to bring you the bad news ... but your mother and I, we are getting a divorce ... Son: WHAT?? You can't! What about - Dad: I'm sorry son! 45 years of misery is ENOUGH!! Now, I am sick of talking about it, call your sister and tell her! (CLICK) The son, nearly in tears calls his sister in New Orleans. The conversation goes as follows. Brother: Sis, Your not gonna believe this! MOM AND DAD ARE GETTING A ... A ... DIVORCE!! Sister: WHAT?!? OH NO THEY AREN'T! You stay put. I'll call you right back!! (CLICK) The sister, calls the parents in Austin and the conversation goes as follows. Daughter: YOU TWO ARE NOT GETTNG A DIVORCE!! Dad: Honey, listen - Daughter: NO YOU LISTEN! YOU ARE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING! I'M CALLING BROTHER BACK, WE'LL BE THERE THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW! DON'T DO ANYTHING! (CLICK) The father hangs up calmly and bounces his news paper to align it to his liking. He looked at his wife and said "Well, they are coming for Thanksgiving and are paying their own fares, what shall we tell them on Christmas?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeanie Re: Sorting favorites Dear Webby I know you mentioned just a few weeks ago how to alphabetize "Favorites" and I did it, but then had to get a new Mother board and do not remember how to do now so was hoping you would tell me again and this time I will print it out for future reference. Dear Jeanie Right-click on the topmost grey menu bar and take the checkmark off the STANDARD BUTTONS, then instead of the favorites showing in a long list on the left side, they pull down from the word FAVORITES. Right click anywhere in there, and you will see the option to sort. After sorting, you can put the checkmark back onto STANDARD BUTTONS, and the favorites will remain nicely sorted for a while. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 8, 2006 - U.S. - Do One Nice Thing 120 degrees in the shade? No problem! This summer Josh West and Michelle Norberg biked from Florida to California with 25 other college students. The group participated in a trip for Bike & Build, an organization that raises funds for affordable housing. Their group traveled more than 3500 miles, with stops along the way to work on three Habitat for Humanity projects. They spent a week in Slidell, Louisiana rebuilding houses demolished by Hurricane Katrina. Other projects were in Atlantic Beach, FL and in Farmington, New Mexico. The trip concluded in San Francisco. With the motto, "We are young, and we could change the world!", Bike & Build inspires young adults to push themselves hard. "We strive to encourage our participants to test their limits, reach their potential, and effect change. Our energy is contagious, and there is much to be done." And they're careful. Their participants have cycled more than 665,000 miles, without any serious injury or accident. Josh, 24, and Michelle, 22, graduated from the University of Florida, Gainesville, last May. Josh has a degree in Exercise Science and is teaching physical education at an elementary school. He is also a triathlete and marathoner. Michelle graduated with a degree in Elementary Education and has entered a Master's degree program in Counseling at U.F. Every participant was required to raise $4,000 for affordable housing. All proceeds of the trip were contributed to the Slidell Habitat for Humanity.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vacuum Your Sewing Machine Over time, particles of dust, pieces of thread and other debris can buildup inside your sewing machine and cause it to run poorly. Remove the thread, bobbin and face plate and vacuum out the inside of your sewing machine periodically.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: OOOPS http://www.zianet.com/tedmorris/dg/bombers4.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 12/06: Defragment Now! 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  November 12, 2006
======================================

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving
them something to ignore.
-- Ogden Nash

When everyone is against you, it means that you are
absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
-- Albert Guinon

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

For those of you who are Internet marketers or get some
portion of your income over the net, here is a free, no obligation
report without any sales or hype: Death Of Internet Marketing
(as we know it) It is about the changes underway now.
http://webby.com/dim

There is also a free bonus attached, a report that informs
PayPal merchants about some of the obscure rules and
regulations at PayPal, which got quite a few businesses
knocked out. If you are in business, read it! It's as important
as an IRS buletin, but a lot easier to read!

It's free, with no obligation or sales. Just a precise report for
insiders. Click on:
http://webby.com/dim

===========================================

Barbara appeared on Who Wants To Be A  Millionaire...

 Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000
and  one lifeline left. The next question will give you
the million  dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it
wrong you  will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

 Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go."

 Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's
own  nest? Is it...

  A-Robin
  B-Sparrow
  C-Cuckoo
  D-Thrush

 "Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars."

 Barbara: "It's a cuckoo."

 Regis: "You're sure? You can walk with the $500,000
or play on  for the million."

 Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C - Cuckoo."

 Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

 Barbara: "It is."

 Regis: "Are you confident?"

 Barbara: "Absolutely!"

 Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said
C -Cuckoo.  Well...you're right! - You have just won
ONE MILLION DOLLARS
 Here is your check. You have been a great contestant
and a  real gambler. Audience please put your hands
together for  Barbara."

That night Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a
local bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their
champagne. Carol turns to Barbara and asks,
"Tell me, how did  you know that it was the cuckoo that
does not build its own  nest?"

 "It was so simple," Barbara replied, "Everybody knows that
 cuckoos live in clocks."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this compilation: Laws Of The Natural Universe 1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. 2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. 5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time). 7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Sporting Event Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and during the most critical time in the game. 12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug. 15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. 16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. 18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. 19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade. Man needed surgery after sex with hedgehog A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice. Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation. But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis severely lacerated. A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage." ----------------------------------------- It's truly amazing what some people will do, just to get featured here! =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Walter for this picture Canada Geese in the field behind the house ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Little Johnny stared at his test paper. The big read "F" stared back at him. Freddie looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low grade on that test?" "Because of an absence," Johnny answered. "You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" he questioned. Little Johnny replied, "No, but the kid who normally sits next to me was." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Bill and Doug were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best salesman. Bill was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize. He felt his luck was with him and was sure to win. He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down on the floor. "Oh no," said Bill. "Now I am going to have seven years bad luck." "Nonsense," said Doug. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn't have seven years bad luck." "Really?" said Bill, feeling much better knowing that. "Yeah really," said Doug. "He died that day." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Conie Re: Diskeeper Dear Webby I just got a new laptop. Do I need Diskeeper on it right away, or just after a year or too when it is fragmented and getting slow? It has done a great job fixing up my old desktop klunker, which is still running fine with it's original 1998 hard drive. I think you talked me into getting Diskeeper in 2001, when the machine became almost unusable. It has been fine ever since. So, do I need Diskeeper right away? Connie Dear Connie I would recommend getting Diskeeper right away. When the drive is defragmented, the read arm does not have to whip back and forth all over the place gathering fragments of a file, and it will remain precise a lot longer. Also, the new Diskeeper is even easier on resources than the previous version. I sure like it! You can still get it by clicking on the link in the left side menu or going to Diskeeper Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 9, 2006 - Pacific Palisades, California - Happy News The 7th-12th graders at Kehillat Israel Synagogue in Pacific Palisades, CA recently held a fundraising drive to bring clean water to the people of Darfur. After hearing a presentation about the 2.5 million refugees from fighting in Darfur, students felt compelled to act. They were mindful of the lessons of the Holocaust: Do not stand idly by. But what could they - "just kids" - do? First the students spread the word by handing out literature and postcards urging President Bush to send help. Then they got busy: They held bake sales, set-up lemonade stands, produced concerts, and sent letters to friends and family. Donations flowed in - generous checks as well as baggies full of coins. Result: $27,000 was raised! Because of the students' efforts, four water and sanitation systems will be built in Darfur. Credit also goes to parents Moira Tenzer and Jill Weintraub for their steady encouragement and guidance. Bravo!
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Parts When you go shopping for parts to repair your car, sewing machine, or any other device, write down the make and model number of what you are repairing so you can be sure to get the right part.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Carolyn Webby, I just watched Pittance of Time - how wonderful it was. Thank you so much for including it in your newsletter!!!!! Carolyn
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Festivals http://www.festivals.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor letter, Nov 11/06: No Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  November 11, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to support OUR troops, especially on 11/11
======================================

 "A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart."
— Jonathan Swift

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years."
-- -Abraham Lincoln

The only war is the war you fought in.
Every veteran knows that.
--- Allan Keller
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Jai for this story:
Yesterday I saw a friend of mine, a Jewish man by the
name of Moshe, reading an Arab newspaper.
Surprised and more than a little curious I approached
my old friend.
"Moshe, why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper,
but what did I find?  Jews being persecuted, Israel
being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation
and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched
to the Arab newspapers.  Now what do I find?
Jews own all the banks; Jews control the media; Jews
are all rich and powerful and Jews rule the world.
Their news is so much better."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: Sunday go to meeting clothes A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction. "Hello" said the little boy. "Hi" replied the little girl. "Where are you going"? asked the little boy. "I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home", answered the little girl. "Me too", replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from church". "Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy. "I go to the Baptist church back down the road" replied the little girl. "What about you?" "I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill", replied the little boy. They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet. "If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive" said the little girl. "My Mom'll tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet", replied little boy. "I tell you what I think I'll do" said the little girl. "I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across". "That's a good idea", replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the same thing with my suit". So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy finally remarked. "You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there really is between a Baptist and a Methodist". ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to robbers in Edmunds, England Robbers pick on wrong OAP Three thugs who tried to mug a pensioner got a shock - when he turned out to be an ex-Army boxing champ. George Bayliss, 67, of Bury St Edmunds, had just drawn his pension at the post office when the gang demanded his cash. The retired builder, who boxed for England in the 1960s, hit the ringleader with a left hook to the chin and his pals fled empty-handed. Mr Bayliss, the Army's middleweight champion from 1958 to 1960, told the Sun: "They picked on the wrong pensioner. "The guy I hit got what he deserved. My only regret is that I didn't hit him harder. I hope they think twice before picking on someone my age again." =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to RPC for this picture From my front window --stormy day -- the sun broke through the clouds, as it set -- RPC ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this story: When my mother visited me, I made her tea for breakfast and coffee for myself. "I wish you wouldn't do that," she said. "I much prefer having coffee." "But, mother," I protested, "you always drank tea at breakfast at home." "True," she agreed. "You see, before I got married, I used to have coffee at breakfast. But I found that your father liked tea, and I thought it was silly to make both." I suggested that if, after 37 years of marriage, if she preferred coffee, then that's what she should have. Back home, mother started making coffee for herself but tea for my father. After a week or so, father looked up from his breakfast. "How is it," he asked plaintively, "that you can have coffee in the morning, and I have to have tea?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Francyne Re: Email harvesting I've received info in the past advising everyone to not put their names on lists to be sent to the President or someone in the event you're the 500th name--or whatever--because it has a cookie attached (or maybe they specified some other reason, I'm sure you recognize me as one who can never understand computer lingo) which will allow the originator to send everyone spam mail. Is this true? Francyne. Dear Francyne ALL addresses are harvested from chain letters, not just the 500th. If you want a safe chain, go to http://webby.com/humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 8, 2006 - Nairobi, Kenya - AP A Kenyan environmentalist and Nobel Peace Prize winner called on people around the world to plant 1 billion trees in the next year, saying Wednesday the effort is a way ordinary citizens can fight global warming. Wangari Maathai, who in 2004 became the first black African woman to win a Nobel in any category, urged participants to ensure the trees thrive long after they are planted. ''It's one thing to plant a tree, it's another to make it survive,'' said Maathai, who founded Kenya's Green Party in 1987 and focused on planting trees to address the wood fuel crisis here. Maathai said the campaign is meant to inspire ordinary citizens to help the environment. ''This something that anybody can do,'' Maathai said Wednesday at the U.N. conference on climate change, which has drawn delegates from more than 100 countries to Kenya. Scientists blame the past century's 1-degree rise in average global temperatures at least in part on the accumulation of carbon dioxide, methane and other heat-trapping greenhouse gases in the atmosphere — byproducts of power plants, automobiles and other fossil fuel burners. Destroying trees through burning contributes to global warming, releasing about 370 million tons of greenhouse gases every year — about 5 percent of the world total — scientists say. Planting trees can offset the wood fuel crisis and will of course make global warming that much worse, but they are planning to blame that on Bush.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magnet for Picking Up Needles and Pins Keep a magnet by your sewing machine to pick up needles and metal pins when they fall on the floor. You can also keep needles and pins from falling on the floor in the first place by putting them on a magnet when you are not using them. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Instead of individual magnets I recommend the flexible magnetic strips that you can get at better hardware and tool stores. The best ones are about 1" wide, a foot long, and have a soft, thick self-adhesive backing. The soft backing raises their surface away from what they are glued to, making it a lot easier to pick up whatever you stick to them. They are strong enough to safely hold screwdrivers and wrenches. Even though they are just plain, ugly, black strips, they are great Christmas presents for tecnicians and hobbyists, and of course needleworkers. And they last forever. You can paint the magnetic surface or glue a printed label on them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
If you want some smart-aleck answers, memorize thhe "No Problem Quiz" 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Trish O. There are 2 reasons why I vote daily. One is that you have made it painless and timely to vote...It only takes a second or two and 2 clicks is all it takes. The second and most important is that your newsletter is a vital tool for tech. answers, articles of interest and a dose of homespun humor. It's a great way to start our day and we're not taking any chances that it will ever go away. lol Keep up the good work Webby :D Trish O.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 10/06: Download MSIE7 now? 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  November 10, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to support OUR troops.
======================================

We think in generalities, but we live in detail.
-- Alfred North Whitehead

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
-- Soren Kierkegaard

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.
"It's only a stone's throw away from Stoney Beach,"
he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken
windows."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The supervisor for the Union Government Road Construction Workers called the meeting to order. "Men -- we've agreed on a new deal with the state. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!" "HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered. "We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared. "We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered. "And now, even though 99% of the roads in the country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!" Silence. A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 22 year old man in Sunderland, England 'Bumfire' night stunt backfires Man injured by lit firecracker put in buttocks during Bonfire Night in England LONDON (AP) - A 22-year-old man suffered internal injuries after lighting a small firecracker he had inserted into his buttocks, paramedics said Thursday. The incident took place Sunday, when Britain celebrated Bonfire Night, traditionally marked with fireworks to celebrate the Guy Fawkes' gunpowder plot to blow up Parliament in the 17th century. The man suffered burns and other unspecified internal injuries in the incident in Sunderland, about 450 kilometres north of London. =========================================== =========================================== OOOPS! ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry." Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for a whole weekend and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dolores Re: Hotmail problem Hi I am not reciving your Homor Letter any more and I sure miss it. I do not know what happened the last one I got was on Oct.24th. I sure would like to get it again. I have been getting it for about four or five years. And had no problem before this. Take Care Thank You Delores Dear Dolores You will have to contact Hotmail support for that. Once your subscription has entered the hotmail server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. You could also graduate from Hotmail and get a reliable email service. Google's gmail is the best of the free email services, and better than a lot of paid ones. If you want a referal to gmail, let me know and I will generate one. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 9, 2006 - UK - The Scotsman An Island community divided by a storm was reunited yesterday after a replacement bridge - found on the internet - was opened. Forty residents in north Hoy, Orkney, were cut off from the rest of the island when a torrent of floodwater severely damaged the bridge over the Mill Burn two weeks ago. With their only road link out of action, they were left isolated from the island's shops, doctor, school, ambulance and fire crew. Orkney Islands Council's search for a replacement bridge ended when, using the internet, it discovered a suitable structure in Wigan. The 40ft Bailey-type bridge was opened to traffic at 3pm yesterday and will be used for this morning's school bus run. The loss of the road link caused difficulties for many of the north Hoy community. Farmer Magnus Thomson had to hire a ferry to get a consignment of 100 sheep to a sale at Orkney Mart. The temporary bridge can handle vehicles weighing up to 44 tonnes. A council spokesman said it may be in place for up to six weeks before a permanent solution can be found. If you don't know what a Bailey Bridge is, check today's Bonus Link
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hanging Craft Projects This tip helps you get craft projects out of the way while you are not working on them. Put all the patterns and other supplies for a craft craft project in a plastic grocery bag with handles. Then slip each handle of the grocery bag over a clothes hanger and hang it a closet. You can cross the handles so the bag won't slip off the hanger. If the handles still have a tendency to slip, secure them with clothespins. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: When I sell it, my wife will kill me!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dearwebby: i have red some about the new Microsoft. still having problems. how do i get a CD from microsoft? Thanks in advance. Kitty Dear Kitty When Microsoft is good and ready, you will get the updates automatically. In the meantime, don't let any Russian spammers stampede you into downloading a copy from them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 9/06: MSIE Application Error 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  November 9, 2006
======================================

 "No man is rich enough to buy back his past."
-- Oscar Wilde

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family
in another city.
-- George Burns

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see
her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual
questions, about symptoms, how long had they
been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:

"Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my
patients these kind of questions: I can tell
what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote
out a prescription, and handed it to her and said,
"There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work,
we'll have to have you put down."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for losing mail MSN for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 85." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jake Brahm, 20 from Milwaukee, Wisconsin Knucklehead Nabbed In "Dirty Bomb" Hoax Feds bust Wisconsin man over football stadium attack claim. OCTOBER 20--A 20-year-old Wisconsin man was charged today in connection with an online hoax that threatened "dirty bomb" attacks this weekend at seven U.S. football stadiums. Jake Brahm was nabbed for allegedly posting the online threats, which warned that the death toll for the purported October 22 attacks (which he dubbed "America's Hiroshima") "will approach 100,000 from the initial blasts and countless other fatalities will later occur as result from radioactive fallout." Brahm, a grocery store clerk, surrendered today in Milwaukee on the criminal charge, which was filed in New Jersey, home to Giants Stadium, one of the supposed attack targets. Brahm apparently penned the threats as part of a harebrained contest with another man to see who could circulate the scariest Internet threat. This knucklehead behavior may not come as a surprise to anyone familiar with Brahm's other online activity via MySpace and an ambitious blog on which he recorded all of his 2006 masturbatory activity. In his most recent MySpace blog entry, Brahm, an avowed Japanese pornography enthusiast, mentioned Iran's president: "I admire Mahmoud Ahmadinejad," he wrote. In a separate post, he listed his hobbies as "masturbating, watching foreign language films, playing cards, drumming, and sleeping. One day I hope to leave my house." =========================================== =========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Lorna for this report: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1953." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: MSIE application error Dear Daniel Percussive maintenance doesn't seem to be as effective on monitors as it used to be. You will have to re-install MSIE from your Windows CD or from Microsoft. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Dog hops on bus to go to pub A dog owner is having to chain up his pet to stop him hopping on to the bus and going to the pub. Gary Kay's terrier Ratty regularly got on the bus on his own to go to the Black Bull pub, in Hull Road, York. Ratty made the trip to the pub, where he was fed sausages by a barmaid, twice a week, reports the York Post. His outings came to an end when the pub went upmarket and banned animals from the premises. But now Gary, from Dunnington, York, says Ratty has found a new local - the Rose And Crown Pub, in Lawrence Street. He believes Ratty has been getting off the bus at the Black Bull on his own, crossing the road and turning up at the Rose and Crown. "I've had to start chaining him up because, although he can get to the pub on his own he can't get home," said Gary. "I've no idea how he is doing any of this or how he crosses the road. This dog just has a mind of his own."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take a Break From Your Computer Avoid sitting in front of your computer for more than 30 minutes at a time. If you find you lose track of time, set a timer to go off in 30 minutes. Then get up, stretch, and walk around a bit before sitting back down. It also helps ease eye strain if you periodically look at distant objects. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many people had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will know proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Don C wrote: Dear Webby, Frequently I find jokes or other anecdotes have been cut short by a line of equal signs which prevent me from reading the rest of the story. Following is an example. Is it somthing I am doing? What can I do to correct it? Thank you. Don C valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onfiltered=============== Dear Don "onfiltered==" means that Yahoo has censored some stuff. Once you graduate and upgrade to a better mail system, that nonsense will instantly stop. In the meantime you can check the on-line copy at http://webby.com/humor or the archive blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog to see what the punch line is, that everybody else got in their mail. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 6/06: Fake Internet Explorer 7 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 6, 2006
======================================

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are
many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always
write a book."
-- Ronald Reagan

"I've  laid down the law, though, to everyone, from now on
about anything that happens: no matter what time it is,
wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting."
-- Ronald Reagan

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

This year's Halloween the University tracked Trick-or-Treaters
according to their star signs and found the following:

Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first.

Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates.

Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes
costumes and goes around again.

Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other
trick-or-treaters.

Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out
because someone else had the same idea.

Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a
bookkeeper.

Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a
costume.

Scorpio isn't in it for the candy.

Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town.

Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good
candy and the optimal route to take.

Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and
spends all night tinkering when it shorts.

Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for losing mail MSN for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A hunting guide got himself into an embarassing fix. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you were the best guide in Montana!" they asserted. "I am," he said, "but I think we're in Alberta now." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to prison guards at Karlau prison, near Graz, Austria Convict posts himself to freedom A prisoner wrapped himself in a large parcel and posted himself to freedom from a jail in Austria. Bosnian Muradif Hasanbegovic, 36, was serving a seven-year sentence for robbery in the Karlau prison, near Graz. He escaped from the workshop where he helped package and post parts for lampposts. The man packed himself up in a parcel, and other convicts loaded him onto a lorry. Once clear of the prison he broke out of the parcel, jumped off the back of the lorry and fled. The lorry driver told police: "I noticed the tarpaulin had a hole in it just as the prison called me and asked 'Have you noticed anything funny? We are kind of missing a prisoner'." Prison warden Franz Hochstrasser said: "This sort of thing was not supposed to happen. Guards need to count prisoners at the end of working hours. We are investigating the case." Hasanbegovic is still on the run. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Arturos for this picture: Russian Ballet ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row. So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down. When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too. Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down. After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish." The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't. It's that obvious?" "Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would the proud father please stand up." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the engineers. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for! P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF often inoperative in OFF mode. P: Pilot's seat does not recline. S: Reklinesch OK affer removing fergotten bogsch of rum. P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with words. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Myriam Re: MSIE 7 Dear Webby, I got a mail telling me to upgrade to Internet Explorer 7, but something seems a bit fishy about it. It was sent to one of my addresses that I have definitely not used for registering anything at Microsoft. I pasted that mail down below. What is your advice? Dear Myriam That spam has been around for a few days. It asks you to go to http://microsoft.com.mz0i.info/internet_explore7.exe Notice the mz0i.info after microsoft.com ? That domain belongs to a Karen Xaber in New York. and is hosted by Monika Al-Mufti, in England. Al Mufti = In Disguise And that mail itself originated in Russia. It has most definitely nothing to do with Microsoft. Delete that mail, then delete it from your trash. Microsoft does not use Russian spammers to tell you to download updates. Microsoft uses the Updater built into XP for sending you updates. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk when a co-worker comes up. "Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks. "Sorry," the man says, "I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor tells me I can't play." "Oh," says the co-worker, "he's been out with you, too?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Passer-by catches falling baby A US woman has been hailed a hero after catching a baby which had fallen from a third floor balcony. Mary Bussey and her son Brandon were walking to a junior football game in Denver, Colorado, when they heard the baby crying. They looked up and saw the eight-month-old baby dangling off the balcony, hanging on by one tiny fist, reports the Rocky Mountain News. Luckily, the little girl hung on just long enough for Mrs Bussey to position herself below - an instant later, she landed in her ams. "I just got right underneath her," Mrs Bussey said, "Then, boom! She landed right in my arms. "It's amazing! A minute earlier or later and we would have missed her." Chief of Police Gerry Whitman lauded the Busseys as heroes and praised them for their quick thinking. Police say the baby's 17-year-old mother had left the child in the care of her brothers, aged 13 and 10, while she went to work. The boys had left the door open and the baby had managed to crawl onto the balcony. After the incident, the child was taken into custody by social services. She was later returned to her mother but under close watch.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Car Rental If you are having a major car repair done and your car won't be available to you for days, or even weeks, ask the garage doing the repair to give you a loaner car to use while you wait. They may have loaner cars available for this purpose or they may arrange to get you a car from a rental agency. If they say no, call around to other repair shops and see if they offer this service for major repairs. It could save you hundreds of dollars if public transportation or a car pool isn't available to get to your workplace. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was. His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again. After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said, "And you thought I was having a good time." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== The bank manager noticed the new clerk wasn't good at counting money or adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Toothpick Sculptures http://landmarksofsf.com/photoindex.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 5/06: Making a sorted menu 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  November 5, 2006
======================================

We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over
the horizon-instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside
our windows today.
— Dale Carnegie

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam
consistently caught more fish than anyone else.  Whereas
the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam
would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish.
Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught
trout.

The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret.  The successful
fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and
observe.

So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off
in Sam's boat.  When they got to the middle of the lake,
Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see
how it was done.

Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite,
lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the
lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to
surface.  Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.

Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden.
When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began
yelling at Sam, "You can't do this!  I'll put you in
jail, buddy!  You will be paying every fine there is in the
book!"

Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick
of dynamite.  He lit it and tossed it in the lap
of the game warden with these words: "Your turn!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo for losing mail MSN for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!" The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, "One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers." Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded, "Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Curtis Allgier, 27 of Salt Lake City, Utah Salt Lake City cops seek ink-stained wretch on parole warrant NOVEMBER 3--Meet Curtis Allgier. The 27-year-old felon, who is affiliated with the Aryan Brotherhood, is a parole fugitive currently being sought by Salt Lake City cops. Allgier, pictured in the below mug shot, should be fairly easy to spot, considering his piercing blue eyes and that fetching soul patch. There IS room, just above the Swastika, to tattoo: Bonehead For Life =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Amazing, what you can do if you have 24 left-over weed-eaters and a bike with no engine! You won't need gloves or goggles, but good hearing protection! ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew everything there was to know about accounting. He could answer any question. He knew all the tax laws: There wasn't a better accountant anywhere. Every morning when he came to work, he would unlock his desk drawer, open it up and look inside for a moment, and then close and lock it again. This puzzled all of his co-workers, because it was the only eccentricity that this genius exhibited. For years no one dared to breach etiquette and snoop through his desk, but his odd behavior became something of a legend around the office. One day when the elderly man was home sick, one junior ac- countant could control himself no longer. Taking a letter opener he carefully pried open the desk lock. Inside he found one sheet of paper, and written in large letters was: "DEBITS ON THE LEFT...CREDITS ON THE RIGHT" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: Make an alphabetical list Dear Webby, How do I make an alphabetical list of files in a folder to use in a web page menu? Cookie Dear Cookie Use the trick with the command prompt in Explorer from a few days ago, to open a command line in that folder. At the command line type dir /b and hit Enter. At a speed that you only get in DOS, it will throw the directory listing up onto the screen. You can either right-click and mark it for copying (by hitting Enter), and then paste that into a spreadsheet, or you can type the command again like this: dir /b > dirlist.txt and hit Enter. It will look as if that didn't work, but it did, just too fast to observe. It did the listing and put it into the file dirlist.txt. You can open that with any text editor or spreadsheet. Open a spreadsheet and type: (I will use | to show where a column ends and the next one starts, and I will put a dot after each <. so that you will see the code and not the results of it. Two column markers like for the second column, means to leave that column empty for now.) <.a href=" | | ">|Title|<./a>|Description|<.BR> Now copy the file list from dirlist.txt or from the DOS window, and paste it into the empty second column. Copy the first cell <.a href=" (but without the dot) all the way down as far as the second coumn reaches. Do the same for <./a> and <.BR> Then fill in the titles and descriptions When done, copy the whole thing and paste it into a text editor or web page editor. Your menu is completed, except for header, footer and decorations. This may seem complicated, but if you print it out and just follow the steps, you will see that it is a lot simpler than it looks. I have used that trick for many years to upload the day's pictures whenever I am traveling. Instead of title and description I use small thumbnails of the picture, that is called when clicking on the menu item. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 3, 2006 - Eau Claire, Wisconsin - AP Laura Durham of Belvidere, Ill., is thrilled to have her high school class ring back more than 20 years after she lost it and several other rings in a car crash. She got it back recently thanks to the efforts of workers at D&S Manufacturing, a metal products and equipment company in Black River Falls. ''I can't describe the feeling of getting the rings back,'' Durham said in an e-mail to the Leader-Telegram newspaper of Eau Claire. ''I know that they were only worth something to me, but to me, it was like turning back the hands of time.'' Durham, who was then 17 and named Laura Pyrcioch, had taken off the class ring and five others, secured them to a watch band and put them in her car, which she drove as she headed to work at an Illinois horse farm in July 1984. The car left the road, rolled over several times, and she fractured her skull, collarbone and pelvis. Bob Windsor, who now is a welder at D&S Manufacturing, worked at the salvage yard in South Beloit, Ill., where her car was taken and found the rings while cleaning out the vehicle. He added them to his coin collection. His mother encouraged him to try to find the owner, but he said he didn't get around to it until a co-worker helped. That took place after Windsor stopped to see a man in August who was in Black River Falls to buy gold and silver. He did not want to leave his coin collection in the car while he worked the second shift, so he asked Sherrie Hein, the company human resources manager, if he could keep it in her office. Windsor showed her his collection, and the class ring caught her eye. It had Durham's maiden name engraved inside, along with the name of Mather High School in Chicago and the fact that she had graduated in 1984. ''I asked him if I could help (him find the ring's owner), and he agreed,'' she said in an e-mail to the Leader-Telegram. ''Puzzles intrigue me, and I love to help people.'' Hein, with help from her 14-year-old, Internet-savvy daughter Laura, came up with the name of a possible owner and the names of two others who might have known her through an Internet search. Hein sent letters to all three. Durham responded. Hein asked Durham to provide the name of her high school, the year she graduated and the color of the stone in her class ring. She later called Windsor and told him she had found the ring's owner and that Durham had described three other rings she had lost. They then mailed the rings to Durham. Hein said finding the owner of the class ring was a challenge that she couldn't resist. ''I just kept thinking that there was someone out there who might be missing that ring,'' she said. ''It turned out I was right.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com November Best Buys You can save money and get better quality meat and product by buying in season. Here are items that are usually in season in November: Apples, Beef, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Cauliflower, Chestnuts, Cranberries, Fish, Lamb, Oranges, Oysters, Pears, Pumpkins, Sweet Potatoes, Tangelos, Tangerines, Turkey, Turnips and Winter Squash. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Jack FYI- The Westboro perverts plan to protest at a public memorial for five U.S. Forest Service firefighters that lost their lives fighting the Esperanza forest fire, an arson set fire in the Beaumont, Southern California area. The memorial service is going to be Sunday Nov 5 at the Hyundai Pavilion in San Bernardino starting at 1 pm. Jack Isn't it about time to napalm those perverts?
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Gallery of South Africa http://tinyurl.com/y5o8xa
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 4/06: Why use DOS on XP? 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  November 4, 2006
======================================

All phone calls are obscene.
-- Karen Elizabeth Gordon

Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system
as backing a winning candidate.
-- Mark B. Cohen

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A little boy was afraid of the dark.  One night his mother told
him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said,
"Mama, I don't want to go out there.  It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to
be afraid of the dark," she explained.  "Jesus is out there.
He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked,
"Are you sure He's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and He is always
ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went
to the back door and cracked it open a little.  Peering out
into the darkness, he called, "Jesus?  If you're out there,
would you please hand me the broom?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail MSN for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Trish for this story: Lifesaver Flavours A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of lifesaver one at a time and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children tasted each colour and replied that: Red was ... raspberry Yellow was ... lemon Green was ... lime Orange was ... orange. Finally, the professor gave them all honey-flavoured Lifesavers. After swishing these around in their mouths for a few moments, none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," the professor said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit her honey-flavour Lifesaver onto the floor and yelled, “Everybody, spit them out - they're a**holes!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Meet Amber Hamilton, 20, of Sarasota, Florida Youth Is Served...Porn Cops: Bus attendant showed students X-rated cell phone clips NOVEMBER 2--Meet Amber Hamilton. The Florida school bus attendant was arrested yesterday on charges that she showed pornographic videos stored on her cell phone to underage students en route to their elementary school. According to a Sarasota County Sheriff's Office affidavit, three male students (a 12-year-old and two 10-years-olds) told investigators that Hamilton, 20, last month showed them the sex video while traveling to Phillippi Shores Elementary School. One of the younger boys also told deputies that "Miss Amber" also showed him a camera phone picture of "her private area." When questioned yesterday by investigators, Hamilton admitted to "discussing sexual exploits" with one of the minors and acknowledged that her phone contained a pornographic video. But she denied having shown the X-rated clip to the children, claiming that they may have seen it if she left the phone on a bus seat. Hamilton, charged with three counts of distributing obscene material to a minor, was booked into the Sarasota County lockup. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1102061bus1.html =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge. He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table. She did so.... The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her "private parts." After a couple of minutes he asked, "How does that feel?" "Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my ear..." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A telephone repair man joined the Army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor tried to find out why. "What's the matter with you?" shouted the DI. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?" "I was a telephone repair man," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..." The man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off! "Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving this end here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doug Re: Why DOS prompt in Explorer Dear Webby, Re: DOS prompt in Explorer Why would I want that? Doug Dear Doug For efficient file management you can't beat good old DOS. For example, say you want to back up all the JPG files that start with 0610 and that are newer in a certain folder than on the USB back-up drive. Or if you want a compact list of just the MP3 files in a folder, presented in 3 columns ready to print on a CD label. Once you have convenient access to the command line, all the stuff that you thought would be handy if you could do it, is suddenly available. Being able to plant a DOS prompt wherever you want, even 99 subdirectories deep down, without having to type the path, makes it very convenient. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos BOONE, Colorado (AP) -- Nobody knows who, but someone with a lot of Halloween spirit decorated this small southern Colorado town with hundreds and hundreds of pumpkins. Residents woke up Tuesday to find virtually every surface covered with the orange holiday icons. There were pumpkins left on front porches and at front gates, on the front and back steps of a church and all along the boundary of the city park. Larry Taylor said there weren't any pumpkins when he walked his dogs at about 10 p.m. on Monday in the town of about 330 residents, 110 miles southeast of Denver. But by the time Postmaster Nancy Pennington drove to work at 7:30 a.m. Tuesday, they were everywhere. At Boone Grocery and Hardware, pumpkins were placed on top of the concrete parking stops out front. "It's kinda cool," said employee Bill Coyle. "It's kinda unique. Throughout the town there's probably a couple of hundred of them. They're everywhere." Pennington's job keeps her updated on the goings-on in town, but she's not talking about who might have dreamed up the idea. "I have an idea, but I'm not sure. I won't tell," she said. ---------------------------------- Kudos to Comcast! FYI Comcast offers McAffee protection FREE to its subscribers. Like you, I find McAffee to be vastly superior to Norton. Dawn
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kitchen Utensils In a Drawer When storing kitchen utensils (spoons, spatulas, etc.) in a drawer, having the handle facing towards the back of the drawer. That way you can easily see what utensils you have since many have similar looking handles. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Jack FYI- The Westboro perverts plan to protest at a public memorial for five U.S. Forest Service firefighters that lost their lives fighting the Esperanza forest fire, an arson set fire in the Beaumont, Southern California area. The memorial service is going to be Sunday Nov 5 at the Hyundai Pavilion in San Bernardino starting at 1 pm. Jack Isn't it about time to napalm those perverts?
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 3/06: DOS prompt in Explorer 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  November 3, 2006
======================================

"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at
how many want in ... And how many want out."
-- Tony Blair.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state
trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia.

Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked
when the trooper walked up to the car.

"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the
officer.

"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires
out?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail MSN for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== hanks to kati for this story: A canibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow canibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The canibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police in Edingurgh, Scotland Police bill for newlyweds A NEWLYWED couple received a £300 bill from police because their car was broken into while on honeymoon. Nigel and Fiona Boothman's car was uplifted after it was broken into while they were in Argentina. The Volkswagen Golf GTi - an "old banger" worth only £200 - had been uplifted by police because it was "unsecure" after the break-in. Officers posted a note through their door in Grange Loan, Edinburgh, to say it had been impounded and they were liable for a £150 along with £20 a day in storage charges and VAT. After paying the bill, the couple sold the car for £50 scrap. ------------------------------ VAT = Value Added Tax =========================================== =========================================== Hard to believe that is a fractal, generated by a mathematical formula with fractionally increasing values. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. "What for?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== The traffic cop spotted a drunken driver weaving and speeding and finally forced him to pull over. "What's the big idea, driving like an idiot?" the cop demanded. "I can't help it," the drunk replied. "I'm sick." "Sick, huh?" And what about those empty beer cans all over the seat beside you? You've been drinking all day long, haven't you?" "Thash right, offischer." the drunk answered. "And don't try to tell me that ain't a sickness!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Arnold Re: DOS prompt in Explorer Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, you showed us a trick for putting a right-click selection into the XP Explorer to get a DOS prompt at whatever folder was highlighted. I got a new computer, and naturally, I forgot how to set up that extra menu selection. Can you please run it again? Arnold (the OTHER one) Dear Arnold Open the File Explorer Select "Tools" -> "Folder Options" -> "File Types" Sort the registered file types by name by clicking the 2nd column Find and select the file type "Folder" Press the "Advanced" button, and a new window pops up Press the "New..." button, and a new window pops up Set the action to be : Open a Command Prompt Here Set the application to be : cmd.exe /k "cd %L" Press Ok to save the newly added entry. Done! From now on, when you right click a directory, you see the option to open a command prompt right there. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3. He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third." The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them. Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy. A few years later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything". It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved. A year later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Toddler survives 50ft fall A Serbian toddler survived a 50ft fall without a scratch. Two-year-old Vid Pavlicic fell through stair railings on the fifth floor of a block of flats in the town of Kragujevac while playing. But after plunging down the stairwell to the basement of the building, he reportedly got up and walked away unhurt. His mother, Gordana, said: "He was just playing outside the door to the flat with his sister when he slipped through the railings and fell between the stairs. "I thought he must have died. But he just got up and looked a bit confused. He didn't even cry. No one knows how he could have survived. It's a true miracle." The toddler was examined in hospital where doctors said he was completely uninjured.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Tea Always store loose tea in a container with a tight fitting lid to preserve the quality of the herbs. Even if your tea bags are individually wrapped, it's good to store them in a sealed container as well. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby... Your daily letter is like receiving good news from a dear friend. Thank you so much for bringing so much enjoyment to so many. Sincerely, Yong
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Your birthday http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 2/06: Are postcards safe? 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  November 2, 2006
======================================

WOW! Yesterday the votes jumped from the usual 0.9%
of readers to 1.7%, a record for this year!
Please tell me what I did right! Was it the Norton Removal
Tool, or the Bill & Hillary joke? Or what was it?
Help me earn your votes and tell me what was better than
usual.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
-- Woody Allen

The only thing I like about rich people is their money.
-- Nancy Astor

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the
23rd Psalm.  He noticed that one of the little boys seemed
disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will
follow me all the days of my life..."

"What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked.

"Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having
goodness and mercy, for God is good.  But I'm not sure I'd
like Shirley following me around all the time."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes but I need to ask for something different" "Go ahead ask me" "You know last year you suggested Hawaii, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but ..." "And the year before you suggested Bermuda, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but.." "And the year before that when I went to Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes" "Well! Could you suggest something cheaper this year, so that I can bring her with me?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Three bank robbers in Constanta, Romania Robbers break into empty bank A gang of Romanian robbers broke into a bank's headquarters in a daring overnight raid - only to find it empty. The three criminals expected to hit the jackpot with their raid on the Nova Bank in Constanta city centre. But they did not know that the bank was relocating to new premises and the building was empty. Police said the gang broke into the building, which had been closed for renovation work, by forcing the main doors. A police spokesman said: "The robbers thought they would make the hit of their lives but instead broke into an empty building. "They couldn't find anything to steal, not even some heating pipes they tried to remove from the walls." The robbers were seen by neighbours when they left the building empty-handed but police couldn't catch them. Officers said they have taken evidence from the scene and had already drawn up a list of suspects. =========================================== =========================================== =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon." "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset." "Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied Willis. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ralph Re: Are postcards safe Dear Webby, I have read where you have said that Ecards do not carry a virus. I have read now that they can. Has the technology on Ecards changed. Ralph Dear Ralph Most likely some clueless moron is trying to confuse you. REAL Internet postcards, like the ones that use the Mypostcards system, and that send you a pick-up notice and NEVER an attachment, are safe. 100% safe. However, just like some crooks send you fake PayPal and E-Bay scams, some crooks also send fake postcards. With the fake postcards it's easy to tell that they are fake: They usually carry an attachment. Real (and 100% safe) postcards = identify the sender = have NO attachment = have a link to a reputable postcard site that you can visit even without picking up your postcard = let you view your postcard without having to click on anything at the postcard site = have the postcard sender's address and IP number embedded in the header of the pick-up notice. So, in summary: Just like with PayPal, the REAL Internet postcards are safe, the fake ones are not. Send yourself a real postcard from a reputable site like for example: http://angelwinks.com http://hicards.com http://mycheers.com http://actioncat.com etc. , so that you KNOW what real Internet postcards are all about and how they work. Then you can instantly tell if a pick-up notice is real or a scam. Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said,....."I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head spinning and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars - more hot dogs, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant the dress size." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Jilted groom finds fitting new bride A jilted Romanian man found a new bride by asking which of his neighbours could fit into the wedding dress. Florin Mazilu, from Malu Mare in southeastern Romania, is now recommending buying the dress first and looking for the wife second. He claims his stand-in bride has turned out to be the love of his life after original fiancée Adelina Epure dumped him four days before their wedding. Mazilu spread word in his hometown that he would marry any girl who fitted into the wedding dress and the wedding ring he had already bought. Within hours he had found 21-year-old local Ana Maria who fitted perfectly into the dress and ring. He said: "I had everything prepared for the wedding but no bride. I was determined to go ahead with a wedding, though, and while the conditions I set for a bride were unusual I knew that if she fitted the dress and could wear the ring on her finger it would work. "Ana Maria was the only one of dozens of girls who could fit into the dress perfectly and could wear the ring. It was love at first sight. I knew she was perfect from the moment I saw her."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Designate an Area In Your Fridge for Leftovers Leftovers usually need to be used first so create a space on the top shelf of your fridge just for leftovers. It will help you use them before they go bad and prevent moldy surprises when you clean out your fridge. Also, try to use clear tupperware or glass jars for leftovers so you can see what is in them at a glance. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left." Linda turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I changed from Norton to McAfee at your suggestion 3 years ago. Problems solved, and I could not be happier. I will never even think about Norton, as far as I am concearned Norton is a virus in itself. I purchased my first copy of McAfee at a retail chain store called Best Buy here in Southern California. Since then I have just used the net to keep updated with all the new stuff. Excellent! I think if I were Rheta I would just call it a waste of money and try to purchase McAfee if it can be done financially. BTW, there are other outlets besides Wal-Mart. I do wish Rheta the very best. Great newsletter Webby, it just gets better and better, I think I have been getting the newsletter for 5 or 6 years now. Ron
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 31/06:More Norton Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 31, 2006
======================================

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired.
-- Jules Renard

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent
for writing, but I couldn't give it up,
because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley

All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Their were three men in the hospital waiting room
anxiously expecting news any minute about the births of
their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and
says I have great news. Your wife has just given birth to
twins.
The man exclaimed. " Well, that all right. I work for
Double Day."

The nurse goes to the second man and says,
"I have great news for you too. Your wife just gave birth
to triplets."
The man says, with great surprise,"Well that's all right.
I work for Triple A."

The nurse goes up to the third man. But before she could
say anything, he shouted,
"I'm out of here!  I work for Seven-Up!!

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch everynight and ate their fill. After some thought he posted a sign that read "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH LAXATIVE!" The next night he smiled smugley as he watched the kids run off without eating any of his melons. A week later he was surveying his field and to his satisfaction,no melons were missing but a sign next to his read,"NOW THERE ARE TWO." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to US Customs Report sent in by Ross Evil Vegemite US customs question Aussie over Vegemite smuggling 24 October 2006 An Australian's accent was suspicious enough for US customs officials to question him about smuggling contraband. But, rather than drugs or guns, the officers were looking for the much-loved Australasian spread Vegemite, the Geelong Advertiser reported. "We thought they were joking but it was real," Australian Daniel Fogarty told the newspaper. The incident happened on the Canada/US border. "We went down to Montana and were crossing the border, they searched everybody's car as they do and after they searched asked if we were carrying any Vegemite." On this occasion, neither Mr Fogarty nor his partner, Sarah Egan, were carrying the banned substance. "We were completely shocked. Normally Sarah wouldn't travel far without Vegemite but for some reason we didn't have it." The vitamin-packed yeasty condiment was outlawed because it contains added folate. US laws state the B-group vitamin, which is used by the body to make new cells, can only be added to bread and cereals. --------------------------------- Vegemite is a bread spread like peanut butter, but made from yeasts. Just like Riboflavin (B2) is added to flour here, they add Folate (B2) to their food stuffs, including to Vegemite. It's a totally harmless, but very beneficial vitamin. Because it is such an essential vitamin, there is lots of info about folate on the web, for example http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5553.html However, somebody in the US figured that if Vegemite catches on in the US, it would quickly wipe out the peanut butter industry in a certain senator's riding. Therefore Vegemite was placed somewhere between cocaine and heroin and banned. Absolutely nothing to do with any health issues. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Practising to become a real bonehead =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it sure is cozy in there with the TV repairman!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: More Norton problems Dear Webby: i couldnot get ahold of norton. so i bought another norton. walmart dosent carry mcaffy. so i had to get another norton i guess i'm stuck with it.Grrrrr. i did find out that Defender only works on xp hpme and 2000. only just incase your readers want to know. as for me i donot like it. thanks anyway. wish me luck. Dear Rheta I find it amazing that you bought Norton again, after their support refused to talk to you. A local computer fixer can exorcise your machine in half an hour. The reason McAfee is not at Walmart is because it is sold on-line. http://mcafee.com No need to go to Walmart and buy a stale copy that is half a year out of date. Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 23, 2006 - Juneau, Alaska - AP Elaine and Jim Canary thought for sure they would never again see her diamond wedding ring, lost on a business trip. She noticed the ring was missing Oct. 14, 2004, when standing in line at a coffee shop. "I was devastated," she said. A subsequent and frantic search of the couple's hotel room didn't produce the ring. Then, two weeks ago, just shy of the two-year anniversary of losing the ring, they got a call from the coffee house owner in Petersburg. The ring had been found when an old Pepsi cooler was moved to make room for a pastry case. Canary surmises she put the ring in her pocket to put on lotion and forgot about it. Then, while standing in line, the ring probably fell out when she reached in her pocket. She wasn't the only one surprised. "The insurance company was completely shocked as well," Canary said. "They said rings are never found; they were surprised I reported it, too." This wasn't the first time she felt anguish over a lost wedding ring. "I did lose our first ring. My husband said he is going to start buying them by the dozen," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Boosting Leftovers Get more servings out of leftovers by adding more ingredients. For example, if you have some leftover vegetable soup, but only enough for a couple servings, add some chicken broth and a can of vegetables or tomatoes. Another thing you can do is combine leftovers; leftover sauces can be used in casseroles, leftover rice can be used in casseroles and soup, left over meat and can used in numerous dishes, etc. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough so that his father can play it, too." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== View from the office. Wind is blowing powder snow off the mountains. The sun has long set, but is lighting up the drifing snow from behind.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Kopy cat Recipes http://www.copykat.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 30/06: Norton Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 30, 2006
======================================

Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
-- Arthur Schopenhauer

Liberty means responsibility.
That is why most men dread it.
-- George Bernard Shaw

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing
opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things
that other people think about us.
-- Quentin Crisp

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

While traveling through Wyoming one winter day, I was experiencing
what's called a horizontal blizzard. The snow that had fallen the day
before was blowing across the road.

When I stopped for fuel, I remarked on the condition to a man at the
gas station. He obviously was a local who had seen a lot of winters.

"Yeah," he said, nodding. We don't get much snow, but what we do get,
we use a lot."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. " The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mohamed Zubair, 37 of Piscataway, NJ Robbed himself Bridgewater, N.J. - AP A man who didn't want to tell his wife he couldn't pay the mortgage lied that he had been robbed, Bridgewater police said. Police said Mohamed Mohamed Zubair told them an armed man took $4,000 from him outside a bank on Tuesday. Police issued an alert for a suspect based on the description given by the alleged victim. Police reviewed the bank's surveillance videotape and said it showed the Piscataway resident, but no robber. The 37-year-old is charged with third-degree false reporting of a crime. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this Halloween greeting: (I think the picture shows her aunt Maxine) =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is an Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians yet you gave him money?" And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they are little." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, "And here are the batteries." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: Norton and Defender Dear webby: i may have a big problem. my norton antivirus was runing out. and i had heard that norton dosent really catch everything. so i bought Defender pro 15 in 1. i thought i had uninstalled norton. befor i installed Defender. when i tried to install the anti virus it says norton is still installed on my computer and i canot run the new one now what do i do? i just got a message pop up saying. surrent securrity. attention on sunday 29. 06 an Lovesanattack was dected on my machine..... Rheta Dear Rheta That is one of the reasons I, and most techs, don't like Norton. It is often nearly impossible to get a complete and clean un-install. I have no idea if Defender is a solution or a problem. All I use is McAfee VirusScan and McAfee fire-wall. Since McAfee works just fine, I have never spent any time checking out alternatives. I have used VirusScan since the 80's, when it came on a 360 KB 5 1/4" floppy. My only virus related activity is telling McAfee every 5 years what the new expiry date on my VISA for the auto-renewal is. Try contacting Norton and ask them how to get a clean un-install. Then you can try that Defender and see if it helps or makes things worse. Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 12, 2006 - London - AP A group of school children helped foil an attempted armored van robbery by memorizing the getaway car's registration plate in a school yard chant, police said Wednesday. A passer-by who spotted the car, but feared she would forget the plate number so she asked a group of children to memorize it, police in the northern city of Liverpool said. The group of nine and 10-year-olds remembered the registration details by turning the numbers into a chant, before a classmate arrived with a pen. The three thieves were traced and arrested within 40 minutes, police said. ''The lady did not have a pen or paper on her so went over to the children and repeated the license plate number to them,'' said a spokeswoman for Merseyside Police, speaking on condition of anonymity in line with force policy. ''The children sang the song in a chant to help remember it, while one of them ran into the school for a pen.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warning About Storing Garlic Cloves In Oil There is a common kitchen tip that says to store peeled garlic cloves in oil, unfortunately, botulism can develop when garlic is stored in this manner, especially if it is stored at room temperature. The garlic and oil should be used immediately or stored in the refrigerator for no more than a week. It's a handy tip but not worth the health risk. http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/iyh-vsv/food-ali ... ail_e.html Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby Here's a nice 50s site: http://oldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheFifties.htm Jackee
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: All about Candy http://www.candyusa.org/Candy/default.asp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 29/06: Juke Box Site 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 29, 2006
======================================

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun
out of middle age.
-- William Feather

Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them.
-- Suzanne Necker

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning.
An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper
stating that the electric company would like to run a power
line through his cow pasture.

The Amish man said, "No, no you can not."

"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker.

As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field,
the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bulls into the
pasture.

As the 1200 pound bulls rumbled toward the workers in the
field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show them your paper!"

===========================================
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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Walter the stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this report: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 50 year old British tourist in Australia Lost again Sydney, Australia - AP A 50-year-old British tourist was rescued by police for the second time in just over a week Tuesday after twice getting lost in Australia's rugged outback. The man, whose identity was not released, sparked a major air and ground search last Tuesday after he called police from his cellphone and told them he had become lost while hiking in a national park north of Alice Springs. He was found and taken to a hospital, where he was treated for sunburn and dehydration. On Tuesday, the man again called police from his mobile phone to say he was lost in roughly the same area, Northern Territory police said in a statement. Police mounted another search involving three helicopters and a ground crew and eventually found the man five hours later. He was taken to a hospital, where he underwent a medical assessment and was treated for dehydration, the statement s aid. =========================================== =========================================== =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== THE REPAIR shop sign read: We do three kinds of jobs—cheap, quick and good. You can have any two: • A good, quick job—won’t be cheap. • A good job, cheap—won’t be quick. • A cheap job, quick—won’t be good. ===========================================
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=========================================== A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Dear Randall A lot of people wrote about that during the last week. Too many to answer all individually. Sites like that depend on donations to pay the file transfer costs. I realize that some people suffer from the insane delusion that the Internet is free, and that somebody else should pay for their fun. Well, it does not work that way. That PlayaCofi site has a Donation button there, and they expect at least one out of a thousand visitors to make a little donation to help with the file transfer costs. They donated a lot of work putting that nice collection together, but when tens of thousands of people listen all day and nobody makes any donation, they can't afford to keep that part of the site open to the general public. That site is in Puerto Rico, where wages are very low. They can't afford to pay for your listening pleasure forever. Make a donation, encourage your friends, whom you gave the link, to make donations, and follow it up with a nice letter to sitemaintenance@tropicalglen.com . The Donation button is at the jukebox site at http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1956Top/player.html Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 23, 2006 - New York - Happy News Addressing the continuing decline of physical education programs in many of America's schools and diminishing amount of exercise among today's children, the National Football League and American Heart Association today announced the launch of the What Moves U national program. The awareness campaign which includes a unique curriculum supplement is designed to incorporate physical activity in classroom lessons and encourage physical activity to an increasingly inactive generation of children. New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning, American Heart Association Chairman Andy Buroker, and teachers from Manhattan's Adolph S. Ochs School and Academy launched the program this morning by demonstrating how the program can work in any classroom setting. What Moves U includes several key elements: an in-school activity kit created for teachers, by teachers, which includes curriculum-based activity sheets, program-specific learning materials and in-school promotional materials; and, an interactive fitness website for children. The initiative is supported by a national media campaign including television, radio, print, and movie cinema PSAs. NFL teams and American Heart Association affiliates are working together to reach kids in local communities nationwide.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Cutting Boards for Meat When cutting meat, use a plastic cutting board instead of a wood one. It is much easier to clean bacteria from a plastic cutting board than it is from wood, which will also need to be reseasoned after cleaning. After using a cutting board for meat, wash it well (or wash it in the dishwasher) before using it again to avoid transfering bacteria to other food items. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com When your plastic cutting board gets too marked up from sharp knifes, you can scrape it with a long straight butcher knife or a wide putty knife or spatula that has been square trimmed for scraping. To square trim a putty knife, clamp a file into a vise or a partially opend drawer, and rub the putty knife at a right angle to the file against the serrations. Instead of a thin knife type edge, you will get a flat edge with very sharp corners. A square trimmed putty knife also works very well for scraping glue or paint off a desk or for preparing furniture for painting. You can trim a fuzzy cutting board to smooth as new very quickly with a square trimmed putty knife. Hold it at nearly right angle to the board and PULL it towards you. Never push it, just scrape towards you. If there are deep cuts, turn the board after a few scrapes so that you are scraping in a different direction. That helps to avoid low spots. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, you have been advertising MailWasher for a few years now. Do you use it yourself, and is it any good? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Yes, of course I use it. I don't advertise it because I get about the price of a coffee every time somebody buys it after clicking on the link. I recommend it because it drastically reduces the junkmail related help requests. These days I get around 2800 pieces of mail per day. MailWasher reduces that to the 200 that I need to see and answer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 28/06: More on emailing to SMS cell phones 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 28, 2006
======================================

A person is never happy except at the price of some
ignorance.
-- Anatole France

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize
or attack the government of my own country. I make up for
lost time when I come home.
-- Sir Winston Churchill

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair
in the library, reading a newspaper.

Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts,
"Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!"

The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says,
"James, please.  I have already told you.  If you do have
something important to tell me, first knock on the door,
then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and
civilized manner.  Now please, do so."

James apologizes and closes the door behind him.  Three
seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door.

"Yes?"

James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture,
makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter,
then says, "Sir, the Thames."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped clean the house and set the table when company was due for dinner. Everything was ready when the guests arrived, and they were seated at the table. Susan's mother noticed something was missing and said, "Susan, why didn't you put a knife and fork at Mr. Thompson's place." Little Susan explained frankly, "I thought he wouldn't need them, because Daddy says he always eats like a horse." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gareth Edwards, 47, in Grays, Essex, England Too dumb for a mug shot October 25, 2006 - UK - Ananova A family had to scrap a £3,000 holiday after their youngest daughter's passport photograph was rejected - because she was smiling. Gareth and Lesley Edwards saved for months to go to Cyprus with children Megan, ten, and Alys, nine, reports the Sun. But the night before they were due to fly out, Lesley, 46, realised she was the only one with a valid passport. Travel agents booked them on to a flight a few days later and the family quickly filled out passport application forms and had photos taken. But when he reached the Passport Office, in Peterborough, officials said their machine would not accept Alys's photograph. Lesley said: "They told Gareth that because Alys's teeth were clearly visible the photograph was not acceptable." Gareth, 47, got another picture of Alys taken and rushed it to Peterborough from their home in Grays, Essex, but got there too late. A Home Office spokesman said: "The new biometric passports carry a scan of the holder's face. In this instance the machine which takes the biometric image would have rejected the girl's photo because her mouth was open." ------------------------------------- The instructions for passport pictures are quite clear: A non-smiling, close-mouthed mug shot with mouth, nose, eyes and half the forehead not obscured by hair or clothing. No exceptions. Arguments only cause delays. Those rules go back many years, long before the biometric passports were agreed on by the International community. =========================================== =========================================== Let's do it again! =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." And Grampa said, "Ah, but you were too young then, to know the whole horrible truth!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When the type on a man's printer begins to grow faint, he calls a local repair shop where a friendly man informs him that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned. "We charge $50 to clean a printer," he says, "so you might be better off reading the manual and doing the job yourself." Surprised by the clerk's candor, the man asks, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the clerk replies sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: More about mail to cell phones I know how really fond you are of AOL, Webby . . . but Daniel can also use AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) to send text messages to cell phones. For sending to numbers in the U.S. you simply add plus one before the area code and number as in "+11234567890. You can use Setup-->Buddy List Setup--> Add Mobile to list your often called numbers. Love all your tech tips as well as the humor. Nice to be able to return the favor sometimes . . . dj Dear DJ AOL has improved considerably since spring, and I have not complained about AOL for a long time. Currently AOL is much more reliable and respectable than for example Shaw.ca Currently Shaw, while good for connectivity, seems to be trying to disgust their victims enough, so that they upgrade their emails to at least AOL. If you don't have AOL, or want to email to an SMS phone outside the US, and don't want to use the free Teleflip, there is a fair bit of info at SMS411.com: http://www.sms411.net/2006/07/how-to-se ... phone.html Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 25, 2006 - Kansas City, Kansas - IBS A man who quit high school to enlist in the Navy and fight in World War II received his high school diploma on Tuesday. Wyandotte High School in Kansas City presented the diploma to Richard Rodriguez 62 years after he was supposed to graduate. The event was a surprise to Rodriguez, who thought he was attending a ceremony where his son would be honored. "This is a big surprise. I didn't know what to think about -- they never told me," Rodriguez said. He said the main reason he enlisted in the Navy was to protect his older brother who was already serving overseas. "Well, I wanted to get him home to the family again. The only way to do that was to make the Navy bigger," Rodriguez said. When the war ended, Rodriguez and his brother returned home. "My mom was very, very, happy," he said. Since his return, Rodriguez and his wife, Rita, have raised three children, but he said he has never forgotten his days as a young sailor. "You feel proud because you've accomplished something and you helped freedom and we're still, even today, looking forward to freedom everywhere," he said. Last summer, Rodriguez's son contacted the school district and the Navy so his father could receive his diploma. The event was coordinated by the Kansas Commission on Veterans' Affairs.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Plants From Slugs Cut old metal window screens into 1x1 squares. Then cut a hole in the center of the square and put it on the ground around the plant. Slugs don't like to slither across window screens. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby I want to tell you that I really appreciate all the work you put into the Humor Letter. The tip about emailing to cellphones is fantastic! Now, I could only get my wife to stop calling back and using up 10 minutes to tell me that she received the forgotten grocery list..... Arthur
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 27/06: Emailing Cellphones 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 27, 2006
======================================

There are more fools in the world than there are people.
-- Heinrich Heine

When two men in business always agree,
one of them is unnecessary.
-- William Wrigley Jr.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on
Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a
sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over six mont."

Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over.
Women like tat are hard to find."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scotlands prison service Vacation from prison October 23, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman More than 300 criminals, including a man who killed his baby sons, are to be released from prison for Christmas leave, it was revealed yesterday. Among the convicts scheduled for home leave is Ian Metcalfe, jailed for killing his two sons, 11-week-old Kyle in 1988 and Dylan, five months, in 1996. Both were in the care of Dumfries and Galloway Council. Also slated for holiday leave are a Loyalist terrorist, an armed robber, a racist fire-bomber and a drugs baron. About 150 prisoners will be released temporarily from the open prison Noranside, in Angus, and a further 150 from Castle Huntly, near Dundee. Last night, Kenny MacAskill, the SNP justice spokesman at Holyrood, said: "This calls the very point of open prisons into question. Society has deemed that these people should be punished. They are not being punished, by not locking them up or through community service, over the festive period." The news came shortly after a court heard how a prisoner allowed home on leave last Christmas tried to kill a man in an attack with a hammer. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Cheap rope ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher. The father liked to inspect every new thing that cam into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the display count down all forty-four minutes of the dishwashing cycle. Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!" The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be broken after only one use, but he insisted that because they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless. She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser: USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were two of the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: emailing to phones hello my friend, another question. i stumbled onto a program that allows a person to send an email from your desk top to a cell phone equipped with a screen.naturally i forgot where i found it, but i do know it works because i emailed my sister-in-law. would you happen to know the program name? thanks, daniel, Dear Daniel If you know the email address of the recipient's phone, for example 123-456-7890@vtext.com (a Verizon number) then you can use almost any email program except incrediail. If you don't know what carrier the phone user is using, and the person you are calling is in Canda or the US, then you can use Teleflip from http://teleflip.com The first 100 messages per month are free. If you want to send more, then you got to pay. For other countries you will have to find out the phone's email address. Not the phone owner's. Each phone has it's own email address. SMS phone users usually get that when they sign up, or if they forget it, can get it with one quick call. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation... ... "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes violin solo!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 17, 2006 - Sheboygan, Wisconsin - Kids Wish Network Born with a condition known as spina bifida, 13-year-old MeKenzi of Sheboygan recently experienced an exciting dream vacation to Hawaii thanks to Kids Wish Network, an organization that grants wishes to children with life- threatening illnesses. Confined to a wheelchair, there are many things that MeKenzi is unable to do. However, nothing stopped this extraordinary girl during her trip to Honolulu, where she even hit the water for some surfing lessons! With her wheelchair abandoned back on the beach with her parents and under the watchful eye of her instructor, MeKenzi steadied herself firmly on top of her surfboard. She was not fazed in the least by the rolling Pacific waves and she wore a grin from ear to ear as the water splashed against her face. Her father, Douglas, however, was terrified. But all he could hear over the roar of the ocean was MeKenzi's voice yelling, "I want to do it again! I want to do it again!" Watching his daughter struggle daily with her mobility was tremendously difficult; seeing her out there, surfing in the Pacific Ocean, made his heart swell.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gopherproof Flower Beds You can create a gopherproof flower bed by digging down about 18 inches and lining the bottom and sides of the bed with screens (old window screens work well) or avery mesh. Then replace the dirt and plant the flower bed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this Halloween story: Two nuns, Sister Margaret and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little evil looking Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Margaret. "What shall we do"? "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Margaret switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?"she shouts? "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Margaret turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Margaret? "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "ALRIGHT NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'," says Sister Margaret. She opens the window sticks her head out and screams: "YOU &@#$%@, GET THE F**** OFF MY CAR !!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== If we had more mothers like Susan, the world would be a better place. NOBODY wants to take responsibility for their actions anymore. I had a fender bender the other day, first one in 35 years. I admitted it was my fault, the cop was aghast. Have a great day, Bill
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 26/06: XP Emergency shutdown 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 26, 2006
======================================

It often requires more courage to dare to do right
than to fear to do wrong.
-- Abraham Lincoln

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested,
but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin
and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to
be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away
he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened
without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the
party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what
costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some
fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when
she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could,
getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife
went up to him, and being rather seductive herself, he left
his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to
this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in
her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped away and went home, put the costume away
and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked
how the evening had been?

He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a
good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my
costume to sure had a real good time!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Connie for this advice: Ski season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk- in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots, carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a fire hydrant and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. With a bike. 7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler. 4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing! ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suliko Gelashvili in St Augustine, Florida Disposed backpack October 18, 2006- St. Augustine, Florida - AP A man is in jail for telling workers at a St. Augustine Wal-Mart that he had a bomb in his backback. According to the arrest report, Suliko Gelashvili told deputies he was joking with the clerks when he told them he had a bomb in the bag and placed it on the counter Tuesday. He then went off into the store and brought back some items to buy. Deputies quickly arrived and took him into custody. The bomb squad blew up the bag but found nothing harmful inside. He was charged with felony placing of a hoax bomb and won't be shopping for a while. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dave for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A cute young woman is giving a man in the barbershop a manicure. The man says, "How about a date later?" "I'm married," she answers. With a wink he says, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends." "Tell him yourself," she says. "He's shaving you." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Jenny raises her hand, and with a confident smile, she blurts out, "You'd be his wife!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Emergency Shutdown of XP-SP3 XP-SP3 took out some old bugs and put in some new ones. Expect some minor surprises. One that I noticed is that the task manager, that you get by hitting CTRL ALT DEL, and which you can use to shut down a stuck program, is not always behaving in the familiar way. If you can't use it to shut down a stuck program and can't even use the keyboard any more, try this: Hit the Windows key and R It opens the command line and now the keyboard lets you type again, at least in that command line. Type: shutdown -r Now Windows will shut down one program at a time, but it will prompt you to save unsaved files. Save them. Once the program by program shutdown gets past the program that caused the trouble, you can cancel the shut-down, or you can let it complete. Best is to let it complete and do a reboot. Then run Crap Cleaner to clean up the mess left behind during the emergency shut-down. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Thanks to Mary-Beth for this story: Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin' on the porch swing, talkin 'bout the good ol' days when maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up, "Git mah gun, Maw." Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. "I think ya missed him, Paw," she says. "Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 12, 2006 - Johnson City, Tennessee - AP A woman's pet parrot flew away from her in Johnson City and turned up hundreds of miles away in Long Island, N.Y., despite being a weak flyer. Kim Kendrick lost her 47-year-old Amazon parrot Buzzy nearly two months ago while walking with him outside. But she got an unexpected phone call Tuesday from a New Yorker named Josh Ruderman, who said he had found Buzzy. "When I heard he was in New York I was skeptical at first," Kendrick said. "But then I talked with Buzzy on the phone and Josh sent me photos and it's no doubt that it's him." The bird didn't fly to New York. Ruderman had been visiting East Tennessee for two months and found Buzzy in Johnson City four days after Kendrick lost him on Aug. 14. Ruderman said he searched the papers during the last three weeks of his visit, but could not find Buzzy's owner. So Ruderman took him home to Long Island. Ruderman finally found Buzzy's grateful owner after reading a Sept. 20 article in the Johnson City Press about the missing parrot and e-mailed her Tuesday. "It really is nice when a story comes together with a happy ending, but for me I will miss Buzzy very much," Ruderman said. Kendrick said she planned to drive up from Tennessee to Long Island next week to pick up Buzzy.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing Clothing for Washing Before laundering clothing, close zipper, snap naps, fasteners, and button buttons. That way your zippers and fasteners won't snag other clothing. The best time to do this is before you toss clothing in the dirty clothes hamper. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From a wise lady Dear Webby: Just wanted to make a quick comment on an opinion you posted in this Humor Letter (which I always enjoy, by the way). Your statement: "Near Collisions! The wimpy bimbo should get a life! At the slow speed those overweight slugs waddle around, nobody is going to get hurt in a collision. " In kindergarten, my child was collided into on the playground. She spun and fell on her face, getting knocked out cold-- with a bloody nose. But you'll be interested in learning what happened next. Sure, I was panicked. I mean, that sort of malfunction doesn't happen every day. However, unlike some parents I know and have heard about, I left it to the school to sort out the what-fors and the why-nots. The principal, being a practical and rational woman, reminded the students to be more careful and suggested to the child who bumped mine, that he might like to apologise (which he did). Case closed. I was satisfied. There's no sense in punishing the masses for the inattentions of the few--that would be like banning driving at night for everyone just because a few thousand people get done for DUI at night! My girl also learned that mom's always right: move it or lose it! Warmest regards and salutations, Susan Poe Good for you, Susan!
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, oct 25/06: No Curtains 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 25, 2006
======================================

The more you seek security, the less of it you have.
But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that
you will achieve the security that you desire."
-- Brian Tracy

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
-- Jodie Foster

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny
during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho.
Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it
definitely is not him.

The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the
whole incident.

The principal replies that he knows little Johnny and
his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if
little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal
is satisfied that it is the truth.

Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head
of Education and relates the whole story.

After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making
such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix
the damned wall."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!" The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to New York Dept of Sanitation Dirty cleaners October 24, 2006 - New York - AP A sanitation agent was shown on videotape breaking light bulbs on the street in front of a restaurant and then writing a littering ticket to the restaurant's owner, a state assemblyman said. The video shows the uniformed Department of Sanitation agent dropping several long fluorescent bulbs in the Brooklyn street. A street-sweeping truck cleans the mess soon after, and then the agent writes a $300 ticket to the restaurant's owner for improper disposal of the lights. The ticket was issued Oct. 19 less than an hour after the H.K. Tea & Sushi restaurant's surveillance camera caught the agent breaking the bulbs. Assemblyman William Colton, who represents the neighborhood, said Monday he was furious that the Department of Sanitation would target store owners with bogus tickets. He said the agent pulled the same stunt on at least two other businesses on the block. "The reality is he gave a ticket to three store owners for the same offense," Colton said. He accused the city of encouraging its agents to write tickets to increase government revenue. The store owners, who attended a news conference with Colton, were angered. "Well, it bothers me," Martin Zalta said. "If I don't do something wrong, why should I get a ticket?" The Department of Sanitation said it was investigating and planned to look at the videotape. =========================================== =========================================== Usual view out my office window, but this morning with the famous Chinook Arch. In 5-6 days people in Chicago and Toronto will be whining about "The Albertan" dumping rain or snow onto them. TheChinook Arch is formed when a warm wind, that originated in the South Sea Islands, and came via Hawaii to the West Coast, dumped it's moisture on the rain forests there, climbed the Rockies and falls down onto us, and bounces back up. That sudden bounce upward causes the Chinook Arch. From here it races eastward acros the prairies, dries the grain and picks up moisture. Over the Great lakes it picks up even more moisture, and when it mixes with cold Atlantic air, it dumps onto Toronto and Chicago and further south. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== On her way back from the concession stand, Trisha asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Trisha nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barry Re: CSI games Dear Webby- About a year ago, I installed a game program called CSI:Dark Side. I found I really didn't like it so I tried to un-install it. Every time I try, it disables my un-installer, and is still happily residing in my computer. How do I get this thing out ? Thanx ~~~Barry Dear Barry There is lots of information about CSI games on google, but nothing about how to remove them. You will have to contact their support for that info. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry about them." replied her husband. "they can buy curtains it it bothers them." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 24, 2006 - Key Largo, Florida (photo below) Ray Truche Jr. and Lisa Largrassa fished for hours and didn't catch anything -- except a drowning dog. Motoring their 23-foot fishing boat earlier this month on Florida Bay, the two hit something unusual and turned around to check. "As we came back upon it, I realized it was a little fat dog," said Truche, of Manchester, Mass. "It was having trouble keeping its head above water. Its big eyes were looking at us. It was almost as if it was saying, 'Don't leave me here!"' The couple leaned over the boat and made their only catch of the day: a 5-year-old cairn terrier named Tigger, The Key West Citizen reported Monday. Tigger apparently fell overboard from Diane and Richard Beckman's boat on their way from Key Largo to Marathon. The Beckman's searched frantically for 2 1/2 hours with no sign of the dog. "We went back and forth, back and forth," Diane said. "Finally we just gave up, because we thought he couldn't have survived in the water for that long. I was just heartbroken. " Since there was no answer at the home listed on Tigger's tag, Truche and Largrassa dropped him off at the Upper Keys Animal Shelter. Diane was elated when she got home and listened to her messages. She went quickly to pick up Tigger. "He didn't know me. He was so terrified. As soon as he realized it was me, he jumped in my arms and wouldn't let go," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Hang Sweaters and Knits Fold sweaters and knit garments instead of hanging them. Hanging them can distort the shape of the garment. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured and then we'll provide you with another barn, just like the original one." There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, "If that's how it works, I want to cancel the life in- surance policy on my husband. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I subscribe to the Humor Letter which brightens my day always and also often provides technical information I can use. Thanks. I think you have recommended Gmail accounts and offered to send the required invitations to get one. I would like to take your advice and get a Gmail account. Could you please send me the required invitaion? Dan
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor L etter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Correction: ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 24/06: Frugal Me 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 24, 2006
======================================

Oh, I don't blame Congress.
If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty and Wagner

The least of learning is done in the classrooms.
-- Thomas Merton

======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t
fit you in for at least two weeks.”

“But I could be dead by then!”

“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the
appointment.”

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Principal Gaylene Heppe, Attleboro, MA Fatten up the wimps October 18, 2006 - Attleboro, Massachusetts -AP Tag is as much a tradition at recess as the lunch lady is in the cafeteria. But when youngsters at a suburban Boston school go outside, they'll get in trouble if they try to play tag. Students at Willett Elementary School in Attleboro can no longer play tag during recess. The same goes for touch football and other unsupervised "chasing" games. The school's principal said there's too much risk of injury to children during games like tag. Officials are also afraid if someone gets hurt, the school will get sued. Principal Gaylene Heppe is in her second year as principal at the school. Parents are divided. Debbie Laferriere -- who has two children at the school -- said playing tag is part of being a kid. She told the Sun- Chronicle of Attleboro that unsupervised games help children develop social skills that can be valuable later in life. "I think that it's unfortunate that kids' lives are micromanaged, and there are social skills they'll never develop on their own," Laferriere told the paper. Other parents said it's ironic that schools are banning games like tag at a time of rising concern over childhood obesity. "I think it's a little bit silly," said parent Christine McAndrews. "The kids love to play pick-up football games that they organize themselves. It's great for their social skills and they resolve things on their own. It's good for them." But another parent, Celeste D'Elia, said she's witnessed a lot of "near collisions" between children and supports anything that makes the playground safer. ------------------------------------- Near Collisions! The wimpy bimbo should get a life! At the slow speed those overweight slugs waddle around, nobody is going to get hurt in a collision. And so what if somebody does get a bloody nose? It will teach them not to lead with their face, and to look where they are running to, very valuable lessons! We played tag, on sharp gravel, and occasionally fought. And we climbed the trees, and occasionally fought up there too, and sometimes fell down and knocked the wind out of ourselves. But because we played tag and a lot of silly games, we were all flexible enough that there was never anything more serious than a skinned knee or elbow or bloody nose. Those did not raise an eybrow at home. That was an expected part of growing up. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture of the Carar Ruins in Peru ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: "Frugal: to save." Sentence: "Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She yelled 'Frugal me, Frugal me!'" ===========================================
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=========================================== One day, a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why, God sent you, honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Computer keeps shutting down Dear Webby, I "inherited" this super high preformance computer from my son. It keept shutting down on him right in the middle of games and he got disgusted with it. I tried it, just here on the table before putting it under my desk, and it seems to work OK for me. Is there anything I should do before I switch it out with my old clunker? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Open up the side panel and vacuum it out. If you see any heat sinks, clean them with q-tips and windex. If you can remove the shroud over the CPU fan, clean under that too. After putting it back together, don't put that machine into a desk hutch or confined space. Insted of putting it right on the floor, set it on a couple of bricks or wooden blocks. Give it lots of air. It will probably be fine for many years, as long as you clean it out once a year and give it plenty of air. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== A Priest and a Rabbi were riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The Rabbi responded, "yes, that is still one of our beliefs." The Priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork." The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain chaste?" The Priest replied "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "a lot better than pork isn't it?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 19, 2006 - White Plains, New York - IBS Deadbeat dads: Pay your child support, or wind up in a newspaper ad. Westchester County, N.Y., bought a quarter-page ad labeled "Deadbeat Dads" in the New York Post this week. The ad reads: "Do you know where these deadbeat dads are? Their children don't." "We are turning up the pressure on these deadbeats," said County Executive Andy Spano. "We have many ways of making them pay -- suspending their driver's licenses, garnishing their pay, even arresting them -- but we hope that this latest method will shame them, and others who see the ad into doing the right thing." The first ad in the paper features four deadbeat fathers who owe a total of $192,576 for their six children. The county hopes the four major child support debtors are shamed into paying, or at least officials can find out where they are. It's the county's latest move in the crackdown on absent parents. Photos and information on them and eight other deadbeats, including a mother, can also be found on the county’s Web site. Deadbeats http://snipurl.com/109x6 The county said the men owe between $34,000 and $63,000 each. The ex-wife of a man who owes $63,000 said he may have fled the country but she hopes his friends will see the ad and speak to him. One of Westchester County's largest child support offenders is a woman -- she owes $68,000. "Making sure that parents take financial responsibility for their children is a major issue because it not only affects the lives of these children, but society as a whole,’" said Spano. "When parents don’t pay child support, families are forced to go on public assistance and the taxpayer ends up taking on that responsibility." Westchester County Social Services Commissioner Kevin Mahon said that the Office of Child Support Enforcement currently has 16,872 open cases. About 40 percent of these families are on public assistance. The 12 people featured on the Web site owe a total of $412,840, but that is only a fraction of the amount actually owed. DSS estimates that if all the back payments that were owed were ultimately collected, it would total $144 million.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Perfume or Cologne and Clothing Put perfume or cologne on your skin instead of your clothing. The perfume may stain or damage some types of fabric. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A kindergarten teacher was receiving birthday gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy-dog!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Amberose It pains me to know about all these perverts at military funerals, but there should be some way to stop them from going on to Government property, which is what our Arlington National Cemetery is. The families don't need that at any cemetery while they are suffering through the funeral of a loved one, but especially through Arlington National. Amberose --------------------------------------- From Linny I truly need help with this. My grandsons visited and somehow put the task bar that is at the bottom on the side and it is very much in the way and they don't know how they did it? Thanks Linny Dear Linny Just grab an empty gray spot in it with the mouse, and drag it back down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 23/06: Horse For Sale 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 23, 2006
======================================

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the
shore like an idiot.
-- Steven Wright

Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the
essential things in rationality.
-- Bertrand Russell

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

John took Wendy to dinner at a really posh
restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table
by a formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a
table on which were displayed the finest china and
crystal.

Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver
napkin ring, John unfolded it, put it around his
neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back.

Staring at him, the maitre d' said, between gritted
teeth, "Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 14 year old knife fighter in Grand Junction, CO Juvenile Menace October 16, 2006 - Grand Junction, Colorado - The Denver News Channel A 14-year-old boy could face felony charges after he allegedly tried to stab a 17-year-old classmate at a football game in Grand Junction on Saturday, police said. Police said the younger boy saw the older boy in the stands and tried to stab him with a knife that had a 3.5-inch blade. An off-duty resource officer for Grand Junction High School saw the boys struggling in the stands and separated them. He took the knife and the 14-year-old in custody. No one was hurt. The officer told police when they arrived that the 14 year old boy had been suspended from school last week for fighting with the 17-year-old's younger brother. The 14-year-old faces charges of attempted first-degree assault and menacing. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this story and picture: To my darling husband Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. Don't worry, it didn't touch your bike. I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweet heart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Boss... "I saw you arguing with that customer. Don't you know that our policy is 'The customer is always right?'" Employee... "Yes, but he insisted that he was wrong! What was I supposed to do?" ===========================================
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=========================================== An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down...." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Game won't install Webby, I'm trying to install a game that's about 5 years old, Red Alert 2. Every time I hit install, or click on the setup program I get an error report. I got a friend's copy of it and it also generated an error report and shut down the program. Any idea's on what I need to do to get this game to install? David Dear David That would depend on the error report. Quite possibly the game needs to have a particular version of VBRUN (Visual Basic Run-time library) installed. Without seeing the error message, that's about as close as I can guess. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way...!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos All in a days work ... October 11, 2006 - Titusville, Florida - AP An uninvited guest checked in Wednesday at a Titusville hotel. A 9-foot alligator parked himself underneath a parked car at the Hampton Inn and it was a fight to get him to check out. A parking lot in Titusville became the scene of a tug-of-war between a monster gator and three trappers, and both sides were determined to win. Trapper Bill Robb and his team were called after the gator crawled into the parking lot from some nearby woods. Robb said he did not want to use a bang stick, because the urban gator hunt was drawing quite a crowd. He said the gator was dangerous and fearless. "The way he acts, he's your a typical nuisance alligator, he did not run from people," Robb said. Once the gator was roped, a trapper moved in close to tape its mouth. But even after that, he still was not ready to go quietly, hissing as he was moved. But in the end, the gator was no match for the team of trappers, who literally had to straddle the animal to get the upper hand. He was dragged across the parking lot and loaded into a truck, all in a day's work for a team of gator hunters with over 35 years of experience. Robb and his team said they trapped 400 gators last month alone.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Shoes When buying shoes, always try on both shoes and walk around in them to make sure you get the right fit. Sizing can be inconsistent from different shoe manufacturers so be sure to try on different sizes. Your feet swell as the day goes on, so trying on shoes in the afternoon will give you a better idea of how they will fit after wearing them for a while. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two neighbors appeared in court, each woman accusing the other of causing trouble in their building. "Let's get to the evidence," the judge said in an effort to end their bickering. "I'll hear the oldest woman first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Deary Webby, I went to Minden, NV (Sat. Oct 21, 2006) to pay my respect and shield against the Westboro Baptists that were to be there with their protest. If they did arrive then I believe they thought it would be in their best interest not to protest. There was over 1,000 people there to pay their respests and approx. 200 Bikers that were mostly Veterans. I thank you for the link you provide your readers. Your link kept me informed and I was able to pass the information on to fellow Veterans. Gringo
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 22/06: Instant Start Screen Saver 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 22, 2006
======================================

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
-- Galileo Galilei

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to
become as mediocre as possible.
-- Margaret Mead

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole'
boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on
Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon
that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.

He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever
did hear!"

The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but
please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity
in the Lord's house."

The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help
myself, it was such a damn good sermon!"

The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you
behaving this way in Church!"

The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to
know that i thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in
that there collection plate."

And the Reverend said, "That was damn nice of you, Sir!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' " ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Parents in Scotland and England Kids dumber than parents October 16, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman Scots schoolchildren are losing the ability to learn for themselves, because they are getting too much help with homework from their parents, a leading university principal has warned. Professor Andrew Hamnett, the vice-chancellor of Strathclyde University, says coursework outside the classroom is becoming "seriously debased" because examiners cannot be sure that pupils are doing it for themselves. He says the problem is also leading to increasing numbers of university students plagiarising their coursework from the Internet because they do not have the ability to seek out their own information. The problem is so bad in England that one examination board has scrapped the coursework element of maths exams to prevent parents from being able to influence their children's marks. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to JJS for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper. "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference. "A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless. "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published. "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't fit my theory. "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph. "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded. "IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once "IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice "IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice "IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... I think. "IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... A couple of others think so, too. "CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong. "ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it. "A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess. "A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer. "IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't understand it "AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't understand it either. "THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS" ... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant. "A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee. "IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking really down in the dumps. "What's the matter?" Bill asked. "I don't get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many dam people you have to please. Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but her father hated me. Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really liked me, but SHE didn't like me. And then there was this woman I met last night. She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too, but her husband couldn't stand me!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ricky Re: Instant Start Screensaver Dear Webby, Wanted to ask you a couple questions... 1. Is there a hotkey, or combination of keys I can hit real quick that will start my screensaver? I seem to remember being able to do that on the old mac that I used in elementary, now I am on Windows XP. 2. I would like to be able to see part of my desktop at all times. The windows that I keep open are IE windows, and Outlook, thats it. I like to keep them tiled perfectly, each time I start the computer or these programs i have to readjust their size again, and their position as well, is there a way to set it so that when I open an IE window and Outlook they open at the sme size and same position every time? Thank you Webby!!! -Ricky Dear Ricky Do a search for *.scr files and locate your favorite screen savers. Right-click them, Send-To, Desktop. When you double-click any of those screen saver shortcuts, that screen saver starts instantly. Now you can right-click that shortcut, go to Advanced, and select a hot-key for it, for example CTRL ALT S 2) In Explorer, Tool, Folder Options you can set the windows to open at the previous size and location. Some bug in XP causes it to forget that after about 25 start-ups, but is pretty good about it in between. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== The soldier serving overseas, far from home, was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote, breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. So, he went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying: "Regret -- cannot remember which one is you. Please keep your photo and return the others." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 17, 2006 - Edmonton, Canada - Canadian Press It's finders, keepers - even when the item in question is a mysterious envelope containing $18,000 cash stuffed into the wrong post office box, an Alberta court has found. Justice Marguerite Trussler of Court of Queen's Bench ruled an Alberta man who found the envelope and turned it over to police should get it back instead of the money staying with the federal government. In a written decision released last week, Trussler quoted a legalese version of a rule honoured from playground to boardroom. "The finder of a chattel acquires title that is good against the entire world except for the true owner." In July 11, 2005, Burton Thomas opened a postal box he rents in Edmonton from Canada Post to find a bubble-wrapped courier envelope. According to court documents, Thomas had received such envelopes before and opened the latest one without looking at the address. Inside, he found 18 bags, each containing $1,000 cash. He then checked the address and found the envelope had been sent from Ontario and was intended for another post office box at the same location as his. Thomas photocopied the money and took the cash to police later that night. RCMP contacted the intended recipient, but to no avail. "The intended recipient of the envelope refused to provide any explanation or acknowledgment of ownership of the money," reads the judgment. As well, police found that the intended recipient had moved from Edmonton back to Ontario and was living at the return address found on the envelope. In December, the government began legal action to keep the money under laws governing proceeds of crime. But Thomas fought the attempt and pointed out no charges were ever laid. Trussler found that in the absence of both criminal charges and anyone coming forward to claim the money, Thomas's claim was the strongest - and, in fact, serves the public good. "People should be encouraged to act honestly," Trussler wrote. "Thomas returned the money after discovering that the envelope was not addressed to him . . . He should not be punished for his laudable actions of seeking out the true owner." Thomas was awarded both the $18,000 and his legal costs.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get an Estimate for Car Repairs Always get an estimate in writing before having repair work done on your car. Once the repairs are done, only pay for the repairs that you authorized. Pay with a credit card so you can reverse the charge if there is a problem with the work that the repair shop won't remedy. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
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In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Hi Webby, I've just opened my gmail account and from all that I've discovered so far, I think it's terrific. Should have asked about this a long time ago. Thanks so much!! Have a great weekend. Connie ---------------------------------------------- Dear Webby: Thanks for all the Humor Letters which start my day with a smile or a good hearty guffaw! Some of your jokes are so hilarious, that I am able to translate them into Spanish (the language spoken in Argentina where I live) and tell them to my friends and family. Do keep them coming!! Have a wonderful day Manin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Thanks to Dianne at Funk.fire-cat.com for this Bonus Link: Photo-Quiz http://www.modestypanel.com/whatisit/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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