Memorial Day / Veterans Day 


   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Sunday, Nov 11, 2007 Remembrance Day / Veterans Day A pittance of time
But the freedom that they fought for, and the country grand they wrought for, Is their monument to-day, and for aye. --- Thomas Dunn English It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. --- Dick Cheney This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. --- Elmer Davis

A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and screamed: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!" The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"
Army Medical Care An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir." "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man," said the Major. He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir." "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man," barked the Major. He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "F ive minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
The Installation Commander and his wife were out having dinner at the officers club a good-looking blonde came over and open-mouth kissed the husband right in front of the wife and said "I'll see you tomorrow for a nooner right sweetie?" And walked away. The wife couldn't believe her eyes, "Who was that?" She demanded. He replied: "My mistress" The wife then told her husband she wanted a divorce. "That's fine," Said the base commander. "But that means no more shopping at the commissary and base exchange, no more assignments in Europe, and you'll no longer be president of the Officer's Wives Club, and won't be able to lord it over the other wives." At that moment in walked a colonel with a woman on his arm. When the wife asked who the woman with the colonel was the base commander said, "That's Peter's mistress" The wife looked back at colonel and his mistress and grinned, "Ours is prettier." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a flasher in Duisburg, Germany Homesick for jail November 10, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A German flasher stunned lawyers during his appeal hearing on a flashing conviction by stripping off in court, authorities said Thursday. "The court withdrew for deliberations and during the adjournment the man removed his clothes again," said a spokesman for the court in the western city of Duisburg. "It appears he sees it as art, and views himself as a living work of art." The 60-year-old was in court to appeal against his conviction for running onto the pitch naked during a girl's soccer match and striking a range of "body builder poses," the spokesman said. State prosecutors filed fresh charges of indecent behavior against the man after the court incident. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0711 ... ny_nude_dc

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lori Re: Hi again Webby, thanks for answering my question about Maxthon browser. Now I have another question for you. My daughter has a windows 98, and it has been infected with clickspring and OuterInfo. I cannot get rid of it this time. I have run all the cleaners, adaware,spybot, and other spyware removers, done virus scans. I cannot reformat, as she does not have her disc. I found a program on Computer Geeks that is supposed to remove it, but her anti-virus program pops up saying file infected with clickspring, and it won't let me open it to run the clean-up. Do you have any suggestions on how to remove this pesky annoyance? Thanks so much, love your letter--first thing I read each day. Coffee and Webby--great start to my day! Thank you. Lori Dear Lori The best information that I could find about that spyware is at http://www.spywareremove.com/removeClickSpring.html Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Dear Ma and Pa: Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late. All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. The guys have to shave, but they say it is not bad in warm water, and after I thumped a few of them, they don't tell nobody about why I don't need to shave. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is a casual stroll about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Kernels. and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer and Mary to hurry and join before others get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Pat

Deeli's Kudos November 9, 2007 - New York - Reuters A tale of online love inspired usually cynical New Yorkers this week to help a young man find the girl of his dreams after he spotted her on a crowded subway train. For Web designer Patrick Moberg, 21, from Brooklyn, it was love at first sight when he locked eyes with a rosy-cheeked woman while riding in Manhattan on Sunday night. She was writing in her journal. The train was so full that he lost her in the crowd when they both got off, so he set up a Web site dedicated to finding the mystery woman -- www.nygirlofmydreams.com. He drew a picture of the girl, who was wearing blue shorts, blue tights, and a red flower in her hair, and posted his cell phone number, e-mail address and an appeal for help finding her. It worked. Within hours Moberg's inbox was overflowing with e-mails and his phone ringing non-stop. He told the New York Post that he even received e-mails offering him love. "Some people said I'm not the girl but you're so adorable, pick me instead." Tuesday night a friend of the woman contacted him and sent him a picture so he could confirm her identity. "Found Her! Seriously!" a notice on his Web site said. "We've been put in touch with one another and we'll see what happens." http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0711 ... _subway_dc

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven1T1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Chip Bags Rather than buy the more expensive little bags, just buy a large bag and transfer them to smaller bags yourself. This works well for school and work lunches and dieting. Large bags of chips tend to be much cheaper than the smaller pre-packaged alternative. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Great Comeback This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. (Note: While this has been presented as a "true story" for several years, some people dispute that it actually happened). FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Memorial Day
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 222 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1183 )
Dear Webby: Files saved as BMP instead of GIF or JPG 


Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Nov 10, 2007


No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. --- Michael Pritchard Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open. --- Elmer G. Letterman
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the rottweiller Jesus."
A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him. The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said, "Penis." Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed it again. Then she hit enter. The whole office heard the secretary bursting out of laughters as a reaction from the computer's screen: "Password rejected. Reason: Too short"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You liar!!! You went bowling again!!!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to four Oregon dope packers Lightened their loads Rescuers discover $25,000 in pot BRIDAL VEIL, Ore. (UPI) -- Rescuers searching for two missing hikers near Bridal Veil, Ore., have discovered $25,000 worth of marijuana in bags. Multnomah County sheriff's deputies said they were searching for two hikers who had phoned for help after falling in a creek when a group of teenage volunteers came across three men and a woman toting duffel bags, KPTV-TV, Portland, Ore., reported Monday. Deputies said the four dropped the bags and fled the scene when they were noticed by the search party and the teenagers discovered $25,000 worth of marijuana in the bags. Officials said deputies were unable to find the four suspects, but the hikers were located Sunday and appeared to be in good condition. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-253894-899682 United Press International
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture by his son Greg
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: Pictures saved in wrong format Hey Webby-- Quick question--- When ever I right click and save as--- to a gif- it comes up as save as a bitmap-- Whats up with that??? Im using hot mail. Fred Dear Fred That is a sign that you don't have enough free and unused memory available for Windows to do it properly, so, in order not to completely lose the file, it saves it as a BMP. Running CrapClener or rebooting usually restores enough free memory so that it will again save pictures properly. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? 4. How many outs are there in an inning? 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last? 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark? 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? 13. What was the President's name in 1960?

Deeli's Kudos Weimar, Germany - AP Thousands of restored books returned Monday to the shelves of a newly renovated historic library in eastern Germany that was gutted by a fire more than three years ago. The Duchess Anna Amalia Library in Weimar reopens Oct. 24 with a ceremony led by German President Horst Koehler, after several years of painstaking restoration and upgrading of the library's $18.2 million security systems. A fire on Sept. 2, 2004, tore through the roof and top floor of the 16th-century rococo palace, which houses the library in the city where the nation's most revered writer, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, spent much of his life. Of the roughly 50,000 books destroyed in the blaze, some 16,000 have been restored, while replacements have been found for another 12,500, Knoche said. Restoration for the books alone cost an estimated $95.4 million, he said. http://www.happynews.com/news/1012007/b ... ibrary.htm

So how do you think you did in that quiz? Here are the answers.... 1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No? Yes. It comes right after the 3rd. 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? One (1). You can only be born once. 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days. 4. How many outs are there in an inning? Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning. 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? No. If she is a widow, he is dead. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60. 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? Two (2). You take two apples...therefore, YOU have TWO apples. 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half and hour. How long will the pills last? One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only an hour has passed. 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? Nine (9). like I said, all BUT nine die. 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses had an ark? None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark. 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? Meat...that is self-explanatory. 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE...it's a dozen! 13. What was the President's name in 1960? George W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven1T1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Walls Use a long handled sponge mop to clean your walls. It makes it easier to reach the high parts of your walls and it also can be used on ceilings. Be careful using a sponge mop on thick, popcorn textured ceilings or rough wall surfaces. It will quickly tear up the sponge. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word and then continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: New River
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



[ view entry ] ( 108 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 381 )
Dear Webby: Defragler 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Nov 9, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!


When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. --- Japanese Proverb
Thanks to Vickey for this story: According to my mother, she and my dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine my mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her. "With him in the room?" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to my dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem."
Thanks to Scorpio9 for this story: A teacher puts a photograph of a tomcat on the blackboard, and proceeds to ask the class, if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat. Little Mary has the first attempt and answers, "By fur, Miss?" The teacher replies, "Not quite right, Mary, but a good try." Meanwhile all during the lesson, Little Johnny is sitting down the back raising his hand in the air saying, "Me, Miss!" "Me, Miss!" The next student the teacher's picks is Peter, and he answers "Is it attached by skin, Miss?" The teacher replies... "Not quite right either, Peter... Anyone else want to try?" Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny. She said to Johnny, "What do you think the tail is attached by?" Johnny replied, "Judging by the size of those nuts on that cat... I'd say, it would have to be bolted on!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Ralph for this story: My wife works in a business where each employee has a shared folder based on their position in the company. The receptionist has 'reception' and so on. This business went through a placement service for an extra help employee, who ended up working the front desk. One day i got a call asking to help out since all the files were gone, Months and months worth. Of course the temp put all her files where they belonged, C:\TEMP. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to District Court Judge Denis McLoughlin in County Donegal, North-West Ireland Non metric fine October 31, 2007 - Dublin, Ireland - AP When police caught driver David Clarke flying down a road at 180 kilometers per hour this month, he looked likely to lose his license. But a country judge reduced the charge and let the 31-year- old information technology worker stay on the road after concluding the speed did not look as bad when converted into miles, or 112 mph. "I am not excusing his driving. He should not have been traveling at that speed," District Court Judge Denis McLoughlin said in his verdict, delivered Tuesday in County Donegal, northwest Ireland. McLoughlin was quoted as saying the speed seemed "very excessive," but did not look "as bad" when converted into miles. He lowered the charge from to driving carelessly, and fined him euro1,000 ($1,450); if convicted of the tougher charge of driving dangerously, Clarke would have lost his license. The episode underscored Ireland's slow mental conversion to metric. Ireland switched its speed limits from miles to kilometers in January 2005, but most cars still display speeds principally in miles. Clarke, a Dubliner, had been traveling to a Donegal wedding October 13 when he was clocked by a police checkpoint going 180 kph (112 mph) in a 100 kph (62 mph) zone. Law enforcement on Ireland's roads is notoriously lax, and judges frequently acquit offending drivers because of loopholes and vagaries in the law. One in six Irish drivers has never passed an on-the-road test, according to Transport Department statistics. http://www.wral.com/news/strange/story/1989712/ And one in twentysix Irish drivers reports to have driven while sober on one or more occasion.
Thanks to Joan for another deer picture Trampolin surprise!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kay Re: Defragler Dear Webby, this is something new from Crap Cleaner, what is your opinion? Love your newsletter and especially the tech support. Kay Dear Kay It might be OK, but I have a hunch it will take a few years to get up to the level of DisKeeper. I guess it all depends whether your data and drives are worth $30 or whether the lure of an untested free bargain is irresistible for you. By the time they are at Version 2 or 3, and have proven themselves, I might well be recommending them too. But for now, I am recommending DisKeeper. Diskeeper Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Kate goes over to visit one of her friends. While she is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kate rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small shopping bag. So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?" "I went home to get my pajamas!"

Deeli's Kudos November 2, 2007 - Daytona Beach, Florida - UPI A teller in Florida ended her day by helping capture a man who allegedly first tried to open an account and then rob the bank where she works, police said. Daytona Beach police said the Sun Trust bank branch teller was leaving work Monday afternoon when she spotted the would-be customer / robber, the Orlando Sentinel reported Tuesday. The man was arrested and booked for attempted armed robbery under the name John Doe. Earlier, the man had tried to open a bank account only to leave after being told he lacked proper identification, authorities said. He returned to the bank and handed a note with a phone number on it to a teller. Not understanding the man was trying to rob the bank and unable to read what the note said, the teller asked the potential thief if he wanted her to call someone for him. He told her he wanted money. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-251057-346530

From today, seven years ago: The two major party presidential candidates today agreed that Americans are seeing too much inappropriate material in popular entertainment. However, they disagreed on the details. The Republican candidate, George W. Bush, stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated meanwhile that the media present Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity. In other words, Bush says there is too much gore and Gore says there is too much bush.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven1T1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cloudy or Crystallized Honey You can restore cloudy or crystallized honey to its original state by placing it in a pan of hot tap water. Let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes and it will be good as new. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The software engineering field is staffed primarily by men; the ratio of male to female software engineers is on the order of 15 to 1. This makes it pretty easy for women to find potential mates among their peers. However, software types have a well-earned reputation for being... a little strange. While discussing the prospect of working in the software industry, one woman commented to another: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." ------------- One look at VISTA would convince anybody that she has a point!

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Round Barns
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 195 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 702 )
Dear Webby: AdAware conflict ? 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Nov 8, 2007

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. --Abraham Lincoln Life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it. --- Irving Berlin
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice, deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends, waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. Here's the call: Alice: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?" Alice: "This is my mother...."
Paul and Judy took Jared for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. When Paul left to buy popcorn, Jared piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that." "Oh, that's the elephant's tail." "No, Mom. Down underneath." Judy blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing." Pretty soon Paul returned, and Judy went off to get a soda. As soon as she had left Jared repeated his question. "That's the elephant's trunk, son." "Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end." "Oh, that's the elephant's tail." "No. Down there." Paul took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?" Paul took a deep breath and replied, "Son, that sounds like I must have spoiled your mother."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped by a man who was carrying out a survey. "Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards sex." "Really!" said the woman smiling. "Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?" "Well," replied the woman, "I think it's extremely uncomfortable, especially when you got one of the newer models, that are much wider than deep." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Glass, 45, of Buffalo, NY Crime pays, for the tipster November 6, 2007 - Buffalo, New York - AP What man taketh away, modern technology helps giveth back. The Subway sandwich shop at the True Bethel Baptist Church in Buffalo was robbed at gunpoint on Friday night, but the crime was recorded on the store's surveillance video. During Sunday church services, Rev. Darius Pridgen gave a sermon about the harm people do to one another. Pridgen included footage from the robbery and it was showed on two large video screens. His sermon also offered a $3,000 reward for the arrest of the suspect. Within minutes after the service ended, four anonymous tips identifying the robber were received. A few hours later, police arrested David Glass, 45, and charged him with robbery and petit larceny. Pridgen said he offered the reward because he wants to show his community that crime pays, but not for the criminal. http://www.happynews.com/news/1162007/s ... arrest.htm
Thanks to Joan for this picture One of the daily visitors to Joan's water trough
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Crap Cleaner and Ad Aware Webby, I run Ad-aware once a week. If I install Crap Cleaner will I have a problem? Seem like some programs are not compatible with it. Thanks- you are always helpful!!! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Should be no problem at all. They go after totally different things and Crap Cleaner exits cleanly after doing it's work. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
The Saudi Ambassador to the U.N. has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets his American counterpart. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America" The American says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you I will do." The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians and Blacks and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek." The American laughs and leans over. "That's because it takes place in the future."

Deeli's Kudos Ozzy Osbourne has made a career out of thumbing his nose (and sometimes other appendages) at the law. The heavy-metal rocker has urinated on the Alamo, attempted to strangle his wife, and bitten the heads off a live bat and dove. At a Fargo, N.D., concert earlier this week, the law bit back. Cass County (N.D.) Sheriff Paul D. Laney used Ozbourne's name in a sting operation to catch local fugitives. Laney planned an Osbourne pre-show concert party, offering the same perks in the rocker's "official" VIP tour packages, and mailed invites to 40 unsuspecting citizens under the alias "PDL Productions." When the Ozzy fans showed up at the bash, Laney promptly handcuffed and arrested them on various outstanding warrants. He then held a televised press conference to congratulate himself on the successful sting operation. "Why did we do this? The criminals are creative, so we had to get creative too,'' Said Laney. "They give us fake addresses, fake phone numbers, sometimes their families cover for them, sometimes their employees cover for them." Laney and his deputies set up the phony pre-party with money seized from drug dealers. "We used drug money to lure criminals to justice. How poetic is that?" he quipped. http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=3 ... amp;page=1

A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother, he's 22, and he's half nuts."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven1T1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Mashed Potatoes Ahead I make mashed potatoes a day or two before Thanksgiving. I just make them as usual, put them in a casserole dish and refrigerate. Then on Thanksgiving, I pull them out and let set to room temperature and microwave to warm them up at the last minute. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" "Robberies in the parking lot."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Bling-H2O
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 261 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 377 )
Dear Webby: Bad mail in Outlook Express INbox 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Nov 7, 2007

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. --- Kurt Herbert Alder A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan. So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?' "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."
On a recent evening a family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, they noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, "Okay, who's got the remote?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 40 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so. Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so. And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk husband and wife in Ypsilanti, Michigan Bunch of drunks October 30, 2007 - Ypsilanti, Michigan - AP A married couple were arrested within hours, each on suspicion of drunken driving. First the husband, then his wife were arrested. Police in a Michigan town said they stopped the man and gave him a preliminary breath test after watching him run a red light. Police said the test registered above the legal .08 drunken driving limit. He had his 12-year-old son in the car with him, and police told the boy to call his mother to pick him up. After she arrived, with her 9-year-old daughter in the car, police said, the woman was tested and also found to be legally drunk. Both children were turned over to a relative until the parents were determined to be sober. http://www.wftv.com/news/14457395/detail.html
Thanks to Sandie for this picture
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: June Re: Bad mail in the IN box Hi Webby, A month ago I got a new Monitor.I don't know if that is the prob. but ever since then when I get my mail ,my good mail goes into the delete box and the spam etc goes into my inbox.. HELP.Just thought you would know what the problem is.. Take care June Dear June That is just a routine Outlook Depressed problem. The monitor and your glasses have absolutely nothing to do with it. You will have to ask the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
**BEEP** You have reached the Breast Cancer Self-Examination Hotline. Press one to continue. (pause) Now, press the other one. **BEEP**

Deeli's Kudos November 6, 2007 - Murfreesboro, Arkansas - AP Chad Johnson has found about 80 diamonds at Crater of Diamonds State Park, but on Monday he nearly threw away his largest find yet. A cube-shaped rock plucked out of his sifters turned out to be a 4.38-carat, tea-colored diamond. Johnson, 36, made the dig Saturday at the park and left his equipment in a locker. When he came back Monday morning, he made the discovery. Crater of Diamonds State Park, which opened in 1972, is the world's only diamond-producing site open to the public, and visitors can keep the gems they unearth. The largest diamond found at the park was the 16.37-carat Amarillo Starlight, a white diamond found in 1975. Johnson's find is the second-largest diamond uncovered at the park this year. In June, a Louisiana man found a 4.8-carat stone. More than 700 diamonds have been found there this year. http://www.happynews.com/news/1162007/m ... iamond.htm

A woman comes home one day and says to her dead-beat husband, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no over-time, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," her husband says. "Yeah, I thought so, too," she agrees. "You start Monday."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop at Antique Malls or Flea Markets When you are shopping for Christmas, don't overlook antique malls and flea markets. You can find some unique and unusual gifts that you can't find elsewhere (or make yourself) for a variety of prices, even as cheap as a few dollars! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Four mothers were having coffee together discussing (bragging) how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'." The third catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'." The fourth woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, the women say, 'Oh my God'"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Doug for today's Bonus Link: Find your animal totem
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 136 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1229 )
Dear Webby: Windows slowing down 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Nov 6, 2007

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. --- Fred Allen Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. --- Bernard Berenson
After the holidays ended, the teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following: We always used to spend holidays with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a Wrecked Hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out, they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars. My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night - Early Birds. Some of the people are so retarded they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the Wrecked Hall and they call it, "Pot Luck". My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the doll house won't let them.
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams.... Just called to say that I don't *have* a dog." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karen Raborn of Altamonte Springs, Florida Stealing from the poor box November 2, 2007 - Altamonte Springs, Florida - AP Altamonte Springs police said a woman accused of stealing from her church took most of the money from the Sunday offering plate. Investigators said Karen Raborn worked as a bookkeeper at St. Mary Magdalen Catholic Church in Altamonte Springs for eleven years. According to a newly updated police report, Raborn first drew suspicion while working at the church's annual fall festival in 2006. She was in charge of counting the money and more than $19,000 disappeared. "We hope for resolution and justice and we know if justice is not delivered here, it will be later," said Robin Johnson, a parishioner. The police report said Raborn admitted to stealing some of the money. She faces up to 30 years in prison if she's convicted. http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/14492509/detail.html
Thanks to Cookie for this picture Ice Curls
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: Computer slowing down Dear Webby My computer slows down whenever I have 3-4 Windows open. I used to be able to have a dozen of then open without a problem. If i don't reboot it when it slows down, it stalls and hangs and I have to shut it off the hard way. I don't think it is infected, since I use Spybot and McAfee. What's the prescribed fix? Denise Dear Denise There seems to be a lot of that going around. Luckily there is an easy remedy. Get CrapCleaner from my tool box at http://webby.com/tools and run it. It is free, and it will make a huge difference. It has helped everybody to whom I recommended it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"

Deeli's Kudos November 5, 2007 - Odebolt, Iowa - AP Jake Wulf wants to keep the lid on it. The 9-year-old boy flushed out a plan for a foot-activated toilet seat lifter that is called the ''Privy Prop,'' designed to lower and raise the toilet seat. While her son, who is in the school's Talented and Gifted program, manages assignments with ease, he has one weak spot: remembering to lower the seat after he's done, Beth Wulf said. ''My mom was getting mad at me for forgetting to put the toilet seat down and she was falling in,'' said Jake, a fourth-grader at Odebolt-Arthur Elementary School. It was during a visit to a doctor's office that Jake's idea for the ''Privy Prop'' began to take shape. He noticed the lid to a small trash can, which opened and closed with a foot-powered lever. He went home and told his parents that he wanted to design a similar device for the toilet. He made it for the school's Invention Convention with the help of his dad, Jason, who designs equipment for a living. It was selected by judges at the Invention Convention to advance to the regional contest in Pochahontas, where it was chosen to be displayed at the Iowa State Fair this past summer. http://www.happynews.com/news/1152007/b ... ps-lid.htm

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cold Weather Bed Tip During cold weather, I put the fitted sheet on as usual then I put a blanket on and tuck it in. Another blanket goes on top of that one and then I proceed with the flat sheet and as many other blankets and quilts as we need. No need for an electric blanket! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Doug for today's Bonus Link: Find your animal totem
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 177 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 399 )
Dear Webby: DSL connection slowing down and dropping 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Nov 5, 2007

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. --- Elbert Hubbard
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man, "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
Wife: "Doctor My husband thinks he's a satellite dish." Doctor: "Don't worry i can cure him." Wife: "I don't want him cured i want you to adjust him to get the movie channel."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? Childrens' Views No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it always before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a dumpster. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brano Banjeglav, 38, of Cetinje, Montenegro Buried Phone October 25, 2007 - Montenegrin, Serbia - Ananova The family of a Montenegrin man whose dying wish was to be buried with his mobile phone are to dig him up again after discovering they had forgotten the SIM card. Arso Banjeglav, 67, spent hours every day chatting to pals on his beloved mobile, and told his son Brano that when he died he wanted it put in his coffin. But, after the funeral in the central Montenegrin town of Cetinje, they discovered his grandson, who was playing with the device, had taken out the SIM card. Brano Banjeglav, 38, said: "We put the phone in the coffin as he wanted, but my 10-year-old son had been playing with it and had taken the card out without my knowledge. "So now we have got to dig him up again to put it in the phone." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2568672.html?menu=
Thanks to Cookie for this picture
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barb Re: DSL speed dropping Dear Webby At home my connection speed keeps dropping to the point where I actually lose the connection. We use the same DSL provider as I have at work, but there the connection never drops. At home, it's OK when I am browsing, but if I am answering mail, especially if I get interrupted, it falls off. Is there a setting I should check and change? Thanks Barb Dear Barb Big Brother, the ISP, watches your activity, and if you are not really using your connection while you leisurely compose a lengthy email, they reduce your pipe and eventually cut it. They will gradually, and grudgingly, give it back to you when you are ready to send that email. You can use an FTP program that has a "Keep-Alive" feature to keep the connection open, and download three different pieces of music simultaneously when you need the connection again. You can watch how the 14 KB Keep-Alive speed cranks up to over 2 MB within a few seconds. You will then be able to use high speed until Big Brother detects that you have abandoned your computer and snuck off to the kitchen. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Deeli's Kudos November 2, 2007 - Atherton, Australia - Ananova A rescued doberman repaid his new owners by saving their toddler daughter from a deadly snake. The dog, called Khan, picked up 17-month-old Charlotte Svillicic in his teeth and threw her over his shoulder. Khan took the bite from the king brown, the world's third most venomous snake, instead. The dog, rescued from an animal shelter four days earlier, leapt into action as the snake edged closer to Charlotte in her garden in Atherton near Cairns, Australia. Charlotte's mum Catherine said: "He saved her life by risking his own. If I had not seen it with my own eyes I would never have believed it. "He grabbed her by the back of the nappy and threw her over his shoulder more than a metre, like she was a rag doll." Khan received a shot of antivenom from a vet and the family nursed him through the night. He has since made a full recovery. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2579069.html?menu=

I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Mom, you're 75 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treat Credit Like Cash Make a commitment to pay as you go with credit cards this year. Don't wait until the last minute to buy gifts and plan your holiday budget carefully. You will feel much better during the holiday season if you aren't accumulating debt. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff before."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Recipes for Calorie counters
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 305 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 294 )
Dear Webby: Yahoo mail problems 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Nov 4, 2007

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. --- Nicholas Butler A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. --- G. Gordon Liddy
An old farmer named Paul had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; big grill next to picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As Paul came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He coughed and made the women aware of his presence. They all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" To which Paul replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim. I only came to feed the alligator."
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Shayne for this story: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "Was he successful?" "Yup, I had to sell my car to pay his bill!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Belmont, California City Council Extreme fanaticism October 10, 2007 - Belmont, California -AP Officials in Belmont have given final approval to a new smoking ban that is considered to be one of the toughest in the nation and includes bans on smoking in some homes. After a late push to ease some of the restrictions, the Belmont City Council voted Tuesday night to pass the anti-smoking ordinance. Prohibitions on smoking in parks and other public places will take effect in 30 days. The ordinance's most hotly contested elements -- which ban smoking inside apartments and condominiums -- won't be enforced for another 14 months. Officials said the ordinance was written so that smokers will only face enforcement if their neighbors complain. People will still be able to smoke on Belmont's streets and sidewalks as long as they are not loitering near the entrance to homes or businesses, and in parking lots and designated smoking areas. http://www.wsbtv.com/health/14308512/detail.html
Thanks to Sandie for this picture "Q-Tip Bush" or "Muhley Grass"
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diane Re: Yahoo problem hey there webby, i love your paper and also having problem with receving it everyday. u r in my address book. i run with roadrunner, with warner cable. every thing was great until about 4-5 months ago then i didn't get nothing from u until 1 month ago, and still am not recieving it every day, maybe 2 times a week. my sisiter who also loves u isn't getting it at all, she signed me up. what is going on. she runs comp. serve, seems like a alot of different servers are messing up ur page. Diane Dear Diane With Yahoo, AOL and Compuserve, you got to expect that kind of unreliable mail delivery. When you wee widdle girlies gwow up and get decent email service, that problem will be history, just like messy diapers. If you want a referral to gmail, let me know and I'll generate one immediately. Gmail is free, and you can still dial up with Yahoo, AOL or Compuserve. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to great granny Vi for this Quiz: AND NOW .. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE QUIZ? A little history lesson: If you don't know the answer make your best guess. Answer all the questions before looking at the answers. Who said it? 1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." A. Karl Marx B. Adolph Hitler C. Joseph Stalin D. None of the above 2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few...and to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity." A. Lenin B. Mussolini C. Idi Amin D. None of the Above 3) "(We)...can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people." A. Nikita Khrushev B. Jose f Goebbels C. Boris Yeltsin D. None of the above 4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own...in order to create this common ground." A. Mao Tse Dung B. Hugo Chavez C. Kim Jong Il D. None of the above 5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed." A. Karl Marx B. Lenin C. Molotov D. None of the above 6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched." A. Pinochet B. Milosevic C. Saddam Hussein D. None of the above Answers: (1) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004 (2) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007 (3) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007 (4) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007 (5) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007 (6) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005 Be afraid. Be very, very afraid! Great Granny Vi

Deeli's Kudos October 19, 2007 - San Diego, California - Gimundo This "march of the penguins" isn't quite like the one you might have seen in a movie theatre – but for a group of kids at San Diego's Rady Children's Hospital, it was an even better show. These children, who are patients in the hospital's oncology ward, were too sick to attend the hospital's trip to SeaWorld this coming weekend. So, rather than let them miss out, SeaWorld came to them. Well, we're pretty sure Shamu didn't show – but two emperor penguins did. The two Arctic birds had a blast waddling around the building and leading the children on a royal march down the halls of the hospital, followed by a penguin-petting session. So what if they missed out on the dolphin show? Thanks to the two friendly penguins, it sounds like these kids got an animal adventure that they'll never forget. http://snipurl.com/1t46f

Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I feel great! Doctor: So, you followed the instructions on the medicine I gave you? Patient: I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed. I never opened it but read those instructions every day!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Candy Candy is really cheap in the days following Halloween. Pick up some chocolate for your baking projects or for stocking stuffers. Just store the candy in the freezer until you need it. Frozen candies are also a special treat for your kids. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Scott and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. They each found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Scott. "I was a bit puzzled at first, but then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," said Pete, "but I wrote down Horticulturist."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Atlas of plucked instruments
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 780 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 2886 )
Dear Webby: Marked bad by AOL 


Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Nov 3, 2007

What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficulty, and every difficulty has an opportunity. --- J. Sidlow Baxter
Thanks to Jai for this story: Your joke about Bob Fugghauer reminded me of one from years past. A school teacher was interviewing her new students. She asked one boy what his name was. He answered "Snotty Nose Jones". She again asked him and demanded he tell her his real name, he again replied "Snotty Nose Jones". At that point the teacher exploded and said that could not be his real name, and he better tell her the truth. At that, he turned to his brother and said "come on Dookey Pants, let's go home. She's not going to believe you either." Jai...>^.^<...
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." "And who is going to give you a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Vickey for this story: An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton. As he paid his bill, he said to the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived." "Oh, that's Big Chief Forget-Me-Not," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as Big Chief Forget-Me-Not because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life." The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "G'dye, myte!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up. Indeed, the Aussie was impressed. He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-Me-Not's great memory. (One local noted that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than 'G'dye myte.') On his return to the Vancouver Hilton 6 months later, he was surprised to see Big Chief Forget-Me-Not still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick. "How," said the Aussie. "Scrambled," said the chief. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Swedish Mis-Informer Emailed himself to jail November 2, 2007 - Stockholm, Sweden - AFP A man in Sweden who was angry with his daughter's husband has been charged with libel for telling the FBI that the son-in-law had links to al-Qaeda, Swedish media reported on Friday. The 40-year-old son-in-law and his wife were in the process of divorcing when the husband had to travel to the United States for business. The wife didn't want him to travel since she was sick and wanted him to help care for their children, regional daily Sydsvenska Dagbladet said without disclosing the couple's names. When the husband refused to stay home, his father-in-law wrote an email to the FBI saying the son-in-law had links to al-Qaeda in Sweden and that he was travelling to the US to meet his contacts. He provided information on the flight number and date of arrival in the US. The son-in-law was arrested upon landing in Florida. He was placed in handcuffs, interrogated and placed in a cell for 11 hours before being put on a flight back to Europe, the paper said. The FBI contacted Swedish intelligence agency Saepo, which discovered that the email tipping off the FBI had been sent from the father-in-law's computer. The father-in-law has been charged with aggravated libel. He has admitted to sending the email, but said he didn't think "the authorities were so stupid that they would believe anything. But apparently they are." http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/071102/o ... sm_offbeat
Thanks to Sandie for this picture "Beauty Berry"
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leonarde Re: Marked Bad Dear Webby, I have to say each day you are not spam and they tranfer it over. I don't know how to get you off the spam list. Leonard Dear Leonard You are doing better than most AOLers, however, I can't help you there. Once the Humor Letter has entered the AOL server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. You will have to contact AOL support about that. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this?" "The truth is," replied the politician, "That she has a big mouth."

Deeli's Kudos November 1, 2007 - Stonybrook, New York - AP Money doesn't grow on trees, but it apparently does flutter like leaves in the wind. Three bystanders helped pick up $15,000 in dollar bills that flitted across a Long Island road after falling out of an armored car on Halloween, according to two volunteer police officers who helped at the scene. ''I've never seen that much money in one place,'' said one of the auxiliary officers, George Fuhr, 76. ''It was wild.'' A sack of cash apparently tumbled onto Nicolls Road Wednesday because the armored car's door wasn't completely closed. The bills burst from the bag after cars ran it over. Fuhr and his partner, Ralph Cabattente, 73, stopped when they came across the commotion and directed traffic while waiting for Suffolk County police. Fuhr said the bystanders were able to recover all but $128 of money and return it to its rightful owners. http://www.happynews.com/news/1112007/b ... ly-air.htm

In Pennsylvania Station in New york the gateman was having difficulty with a pair of soldiers. Hearing the commotion,a young lieutenant hastened to the scene. "What's the matter here?" he asked. "These two soldiers," complained the railroad employee, "insist on going through the gate without tickets." "I'll handle this, said officer. Turning to the soldiers, he commanded, "Forward march!" he led them through the gate and onto the train. "All right," he advised the G.I's, "at ease!" "Say, Lieutenant, thanks a lot," said one of the soldiers. He shrugged, "Don't mention it. I don't have a ticket either.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Email Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll see that I was right."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Belgium
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version





[ view entry ] ( 363 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 824 )
Dear Webby: Multiple Anti-Spyware programs 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Nov 2, 2007

Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!


Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. --- Frank Dane The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. --- Abbie Hoffman
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening!"
We have a new kid in the office named Brian. Nice guy. Fresh out of college. So I was asking him about school the other day and he told me he belonged to a fraternity called Delta Upsilon. "Did you pledge in college?" he asked. I said, "Yeah, I belonged to 'I Tappa Kegga.'"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?" "My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician. "Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!" "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred." "Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous." "Well, then, could you afford two hundred?" "Who has that kind of money?" "Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out." "I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it." "I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?" "Listen, Doctor", says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to three professional burglars in Toronto, Canada Sooner or later.... October 29, 2007 - Toronto, Canada - Reuters Two men and a woman who used an ordinary cardboard box to break into over 200 Toronto area fast-food joints were caught by lucky timing, police said on Friday. The trio arrived at their target with an oversized cardboard box, which they propped up against the restaurant's front door. One person hid in the box and used specialized tools to break into the restaurant, while the others stood guard with a police scanner and two-way radios. "They were able to, by experience, literally remove the glass from the pane of the door and then set the glass aside," said Detective Sergeant Reuben Strober of Toronto Police, adding that the burglars managed to disable most alarm systems at the same time. Even if the alarms were triggered, the suspects got away before police arrived. Over the course of their crime spree, they made off with some CDN $250,000 (US $260,000), police said. Strobel said the three were finally caught after police responded to an unrelated call in the neighborhood. They face 355 charges. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0710 ... ime_odd_dc
Thanks to Sandie for this picture
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: NoFries Re: Multiple Anti-Spyware programs Dear Webby, I seem to recall you were the one that wrote about the silicone flexible keyboards that you pack in your laptop bag. Anyway, I thought you and your readers might be interested to know that ALDI, a German budget grocery store, has then on sale this week for $14.99 each. Here is the link ALDI - Special Purchases from October 28, 2007 not sure if they have Aldi in Canada but they are common in the US and the link has a store locator. http://snipurl.com/1t1cw I love your Daily Humor letter and have learned so much from your "Tech Support Pits", Q & A! My ? I recently upgraded from Win 98 to a laptop with Win XP Prof. I have ZoneAlarm, AVG and Ad-Aware, all free versions. I run Ad-Aware every couple days. According to Kim Komando, "... Use multiple anti-spyware programs; no one has a complete handle on spyware. Anti-spyware programs do not conflict." If so how many more and which freebie/s would best compliment Ad-Aware? Also, do I need to run Disk Cleanup, Defragment and Scan Disc? If so how often? Thanks for your Daily Humor Letter. I look forward to the laughs and great tips! Nofries Dear Nofries Kim Komando probably mean well, especially for his sponsors. However, the better anti-spyware programs should not be run simultaneously. For example, when Spybot-Search&Destroy is in resident mode and doing a live check on anything that comes in, it can cope OK with McAfee doing a live virus check at the same time, but not with a kitchen sink full of experimental freebies. If you want to try other anti-spyware programs to see if they list a certain new spyware 7 minutes earlier than Spybot- Search&Destroy, which they rarely do unless they themselves released that spyware, then turn Spybot off and run that other program alone. Also keep in mind that many of those programs show a lot of frivolous and non-existant fillers, so that you would believe they are doing a good job. Disk Cleanup has become obsolete with CrapCleaner. To defragment my drives, I use DisKeeper. It does it's work whenever the screensaver comes on. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A young mother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

Deeli's Kudos Westboro Perverts found guilty! BALTIMORE (Reuters) - A jury on Wednesday ordered a Kansas church to pay $10.9 million in damages to relatives of a U.S. Marine who died in Iraq, after church members cheered his death at his funeral. Church members said Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder's death was God's punishment of America for tolerating homosexuality, and they attended his 2006 funeral in Maryland with signs saying "You're going to hell" and "God hates you." The federal jury determined the Westboro Baptist Church, based in Topeka, and three of its principals invaded the privacy of the dead man's family and inflicted emotional distress. Albert Snyder, the Marine's father, testified that his son was not gay, but the church targeted the military as a symbol of America's tolerance of gays. Matthew Snyder died in combat in Iraq in March 2006. The jury awarded Snyder's family $2.9 million in compensatory damages plus $8 million in punitive damages in the first civil suit against the church, which has demonstrated at some 300 military funerals the past two years. The lawsuit said church Web sites vilified U.S. soldiers, accusing them of being indoctrinated by "fag propaganda." "I hope it's enough to deter them from doing this to other families. It was not about the money. It was about getting them to stop," said Snyder, of York, Pennsylvania. The church, which is unaffiliated with any major denomination, is headed by Rev. Fred Phelps, who has led a campaign against homosexuality for years. Most of the estimated 70 members of the church belong to his extended family.

After a long day of listening to a Texan brag, a New Yorker decided to show the Texan the Empire State Building. When the Texan put down New York's well-known landmark by saying "Heck, that's nothing. In Texas, we have outhouses bigger than that!" The New Yorker responded, "You need them!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Email I treat email just like paper and don't let email pile up in my in box. I make sure I file all email into one of the folders I have created. I also create filters that automatically files email from certain people in the appropriate folder. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Keli: Anni, what exactly is an "oxymoron"? Anni: It's a phrase made up of contradictory terms, like "deafening silence." Keli: Oh, I get it. Like "Mr. Perfect"!

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Archimedes' Screw
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 197 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 595 )
Dear Webby: is Avast good enough? 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Nov 1, 2007

Wear something red tomorrow to show your support for the troops!


Genius without education is like silver in the mine. --- Benjamin Franklin: A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience except that it is soluble in alcohol. --- Thomas Blackburn We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are." --- Anais Nin
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!"
Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election. "I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "I don't know any of them." "I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I know them all."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy, "My name is Bob Fugghauer." Upset, the teacher said very loudly, "THERE'LL BE NONE OF THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASS THIS YEAR, now Bob; tell me your real name!" The kid said, "No, really teacher, it is Bob Fugghauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall, but accidentally went to the fifth grade classroom, and knocked on classroom door. The fifth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class, "Do you have Fugghauer in here?" "Heck no!" replied a little kid from the back row, "We don't even get a dang cookie break!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marius Bogdan Dinu, 21, Ronald Gavril, 21, and Gabriel Julian Stan, 20, from Romania Career Limiting Move October 29, 2007 - Reuters Three Romanian boxers have been given life bans after they were caught shoplifting in a plush Chicago department store during the world amateur championships. Marius Bogdan Dinu, 21, Ronald Gavril, 21, and Gabriel Julian Stan, 20, were caught red-handed Friday and have already been sent home, the Amateur International Boxing Association (AIBA) said in a statement. "This misbehavior tarnishes the image and reputation of AIBA and the sport of boxing," AIBA president Wu Ching-kuo said. "The measures AIBA has taken are a strong illustration of the new AIBA and its zero tolerance for misbehavior inside or outside of the ring." Romania's boxing chief Rudel Obreja has already issued a public apology for the incident, the AIBA said. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0710 ... ia_bans_dc
Thanks to Sandie for this picture Scissor Spider
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Free Virus Scan Dear Webby, Webby, The free Virus scan you had in your column yesterday is that also for Windows XP? And does it thouroughly do a scan...If so why do you use and recommend McAfee? I have McAfee and yes it is great but certainly would like to use the free one if possible being on limited income. Thanks for a wonderful,knowledgeable web page. Jaye Dear Jaye Yes, sure Avast works for XP. It's not professional grade high security like McAfee, but then neither is the MSN, that you use. For casual use, it's probably quite good enough Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
The old town blacksmith realised he couldn't work so hard anymore. He picked out strong young Bill Deville to become his apprentice. The old fellow was impatient and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told Bill, "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Bill is looking for a new apprenticeship.

Deeli's Kudos October 24, 2007 - Mansfield, Ohio - AP Karen and Mark Cline were teenagers when they got married and didn't have $150 to pay a photographer for their wedding photos. But now they've got the pictures, just in time for their 27th anniversary on Thursday. Their photographer located Karen Cline last week at the diner where she works and surprised her with a photo album. About a month ago, I was just cleaning out some of my old things and I found it,'' said photographer Jim Wagner, who's now 80. ``I knew she didn't have any money back then, and I just thought she might like to have it.'' It was too much for Karen Cline. ``I just stood there and cried and cried and hugged him,'' she said, tearing up again as she described their meeting. She said she was 18 at the time, and felt heartsick because she and her husband, who was 19, couldn't afford to pay Wagner. Instead, all they have had was a single photo that someone else took, of her walking down the aisle. Wagner said he was able to track down Karen Cline after running into her stepfather a few weeks ago. He said she immediately wrote him a check for $150. http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/custom ... 2675.story

The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter. An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous." A German added, "Yes, he's right. Why don't you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it." With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked six months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, "No, no. See, that is why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it." The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said, "Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new one??? That is amazing!!" To which a Polish man replied, "Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn't dismantle it because there were all these Italians fishing off it."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven11empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gas Tip: Change Your Commuting Habits If at all possible, change your work start time to avoid gridlock. Stop and go traffic hurts your gas mileage. Try to arrange car pools with co-workers to share the cost of commuting to work. Walk, bike or use public transportation to your intended location whenever possible. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies" "Sure" the bartender replies, "do you want them both now or one at a time?" "Oh, both now" replies the guy, "one's for me and one's for my little friend here" and with that the guy pulls a three inch tall man out of his shirt pocket. The Bartender looked at the little man in amazement and asked, "Can he drink?" "Sure" replied the guy and with that the three inch tall man supped back his whiskey. "That's amazing" replied the bartender, "what else can he do? Can he walk?" With that the guy flips a quarter down to the other end of the bar and asks the little fella to get it. Sure enough, he runs down the bar and retrieves the coin, picks it up and jogs back to the guy. "That really is amazing" replied the bartender, "Can he talk?" "Of course" says the guy, "Hey Jim, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you called that witch-doctor a wanker..."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Archimedes' Screw
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 125 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 322 )
Dear Webby: Rex X in forwards 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 31, 2007
Happy Halloween!

A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. --- Thomas Hardy The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it. --- Bill Nye
A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?" "We're Jack and Jill" she replied. The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!" So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring the doorbell and once again and the man opens the door. "Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?" "We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy. "Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!" Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED. "Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!" he asks. "We're M & M's, " said the little girl. "I'm plain. He got nuts"
Thanks to great Granny Vi for this story: Elsie the Cow and Ferdinand the Bull were on either side of a fence. Elsie the Cow gave him a wink and he leaped over the fence to her side. "Aren't you Ferdinand the Bull?" she asked. "Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was a lot higher than I thought."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Reisha heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. Reisha came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" Reisha said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked," Pasteurized?" Reisha said, "No. Just up to my breasts." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk in Hamburg, Germany Fake Victim October 29, 2007 - Hamburg, Germany - Ananova A man who fell asleep on a train after a Halloween fancy dress party prompted a police investigation in Germany. Joerg Reichter, 24, had gone to the party dressed as a murder victim and had painted fake blood over his face and hands. But he passed out on the train back home after the boozy party in Hamburg and worried passengers called the police. A police spokesman said: "His costume made him look like the victim of a serious assault as he appeared to be bleeding from the face and hands, and worried passengers called us up. "But when they got there our officers realised what had happened and woke him up. They got him to take the fake blood and wounds off so there would be no more misunderstandings." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2573750.html?menu=

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wayne Re: Red X Dear Webby, This is a tech question. My sister quite often sends me very interesting attachments with pictures that I cannot open. They all have the small white box with a red X in it. I've attached the last e-mail she sent as an example. It the problem on her end when sending it or on my end when opening it? I'm assuming it is on her in since I have no trouble opening and viewing attachments and pictures from anyone else. Thanks for your help. Dear Wayne Most likely your sister is handicapping herself with Outlook Depressed. I don't have a clue about that program. Suggest to her to write to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
An 80 year old man who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. A man in his forties said he would play with him and would even give him a 12 stroke handicap. The 80 year old said, "Thanks, but I really don't need a handicap. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming onto the 18th the two men were within two strokes of each other. Then it happened. The old man had a long drive, but it landed in one of the sand traps around the hole. Grumbling as he stepped into the sand trap, he then hit a very high ball which landed on the green and rolled into the hole. The younger man was impressed and puzzled. "Nice shot but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replied the old man, "I do! Please give me a hand."

Deeli's Kudos October 29, 2007 - Chester, UK - Ananova A golfer who took part in a charity game with three clubs ended up getting two holes-in-one. Amateur golfer Phil Walker had only two irons and a putter but got his first hole-in-one at the sixth hole. His friends were gobsmacked when he got a second hole-in-one at the 17th at Mollington Golf Club, Chester. Phil, 52, told the Daily Mirror: "You wait all your life for a hole-in-one, then two come along all at once. "Usually, I end up in the water on the 17th, so just to hit the green would have done me - but to hole it!" http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2573633.html?menu=

Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent." "Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones. "You just take her with you."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Washing a Mattress Mix 1/2 teaspoon liquid dishwashing detergent with 1 quart of water and use it to scrub the mattress. Use as little water as possible to avoid mildew problems. Let the mattress dry thoroughly before putting the sheets back on the mattress. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Sam is over at Anni's house after meeting her parents for the very first time. While at the supper table he figured it was a good time to get on the right side of his future mother-in-law. Sam turned to Anni's mother and remarked, "These are excellent fishcakes." Anni pulled Sam close to her and whispered in his ear, "You should go and wash your hands, those are peanut butter cookies!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hugh McMahon Funkins
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 385 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 674 )
Dear Webby: Camera Deals 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 30, 2007

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. --- Laurence J. Peter The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. --- Fran Lebowitz
Not satisfied with the results he got from his family doctor, a balding man sought out an alternative treatment for his hair loss. A friend referred him to a scientist who had been testing a chemical that showed great promise. Within a week after taking the recommended dosage, a heavy growth of hair appeared on the bald man's scalp. He was very happy at first, but soon became alarmed when hair began to grow uncontrollably all over his body. After two weeks, he returned to see the scientist. "What the hell did you give me?" he demanded. "It was DNA from a Woolly Mammoth." "Aha!" exclaimed the man. "That would explain the size of my balls!"
Three guys are fishing when Fred gets up to get a beer, loses his balance and falls out of the boat. Ed says " What should we do?" Bill says, "You better jump in after him, he's been under water for a while, he might need some help." So Ed jumps in, and after some time, he surfaces. He says, "Help me get him in the boat." They wrestle Fred back into the boat. Ed says, "What do we do now, it doesn't look like he's breathing." Bill says, "Give him mouth to mouth." Ed starts to blow air into Fred's mouth and says, "Whoa, I don't remember Fred having such bad breath." Bill says, "Come to think of it, I don't think Fred was wearing a snowmobile suit, either."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A superintendent of a large, snooty apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a tenant's clogged toilet. Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete incompetent idiot. Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his clumsiness. He didn't say anything, but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quietly into his tool bag. A minute later, he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests, "I've found what was clogging your toilet!" All the guests broke into shocked laughter, and the woman turned a, bright beet red. The super was holding up a large yellow banana with a red condom wrapped around it. The woman never complained again.... Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dawn Nyberg, 32, of Blaine, Minnesota In a fix now! October 27, 2007 - Minneapolis, Minnesota - AP A former court clerk is in a fix. She's charged with fixing 73 of her own parking tickets to avoid paying $5,112 in fines and late fees. Dawn Nyberg, 32, of Blaine, was charged with theft by swindle of public funds, forgery, and misconduct by a public officer. The first two charges are felonies; the last is a misdemeanour. Hennepin County District Court Administrator Mark Thompson said he had not seen anything similar in his 13 years with the court. Nyberg's tickets were issued near the Hennepin County Government Center, averaging one every 10 days over two years. "The presumption is she was parking the car around here and coming into work," Assistant Hennepin County Attorney Tom Fabel said. The complaint alleges Nyberg used her access to a county computer system to expunge her citations or enter incorrect information about her vehicle. Most times, Nyberg used her personal login, but sometimes she used other employees' names, the complaint said. Nyberg paid no fines on any citations except the final two tickets, which she paid when she resigned June 25, 10 days after the trouble came to light. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0710 ... fixing_fix
Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chuck Re: Camera deals Dear Webby, Thanks for all your great advice and jokes. I remember your suggestion to get a top of the line camera that's 1-2 years old for finding a quality camera at a good price. I'm trying to do that, but don't know where to start to find these old "top of the line" cameras. Can you tell me somewhere I can start looking. Any good suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Chuck Dear Chuck Try http://cameras.pricegrabber.com/digital ... rshot/rd=1 Camera Deals http://snipurl.com/1sw0h Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A very spiritual, devout and holy priest dies and is immediately swept up to heaven. St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates, and says, "Hello, Father, we've been waiting for you for a long time. Welcome to Heaven! You are very well known here, and as a special reward, because you are such a spiritual and holy man, we're going to grant you anything you wish even before we enter Heaven. What can I grant you?" "Well", the priest says, "I've always been a great admirer of the Virgin Mother. I've always wanted to ask her a question." St. Peter nods his head to one side, and lo and behold who should approach the priest but the Virgin Mary! The priest is beside himself, and he manages to say, "Mother, I have always been a great admirer of yours, and have studied everything I could about you and followed your life as best I could. I have studied every painting and portrait ever made of you, and I've noticed that you are always portrayed with a slightly sad look on your face. I have always, always wondered what it was that made you sad. Would you please tell me?" "Well", says Mother Mary, "to tell the truth, I was really hoping for a girl."

Deeli's Kudos October 29, 2007 - Chicago, Illinois - AP It was 1947 when newlyweds Larry and Mariam Orenstein honeymooned in Chicago, paying just under $10 a night for a room at The Palmer House. Six decades later, the couple stayed in the hotel's penthouse suite for the same price — part of an offer for long-ago patrons. The Palmer House allows one-time guests who visited more than 50 years ago to stay at the historic hotel for the price of their original stay — provided guests can submit an original receipt. The Orenstein's room goes for $1,600 today. The Milwaukee-area residents, both 81, saved their hotel bill, along with other items from their wedding. ''I feel wonderful,'' Larry Orenstein told the Chicago Sun-Times at the ornate, downtown hotel. ''I feel 2 years old.'' The long-running deal at the 136-year-old hotel has been offered to guests since 1925. But customers have taken advantage of the offer fewer than 10 times over the last 25 years, said hotel spokesman Ken Price. In the end, the Orensteins did not even have to pay the $10-a-night bill. As a gift, their 12-year-old grandson, Ze Orenstein, footed the bill. http://www.happynews.com/news/10292007/ ... tay-10.htm

TRICK OR TREATING BY STAR SIGN Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Costume: TV Set Get large cardboard box and cut out the bottom for your legs and three holes for your arms and head. Paint the box to look like a television set. You can cut out a picture from a movie poster to put where the screen should be. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman asked, "What are you supposed to say sweetheart?" The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag. The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just bwoke my goddang cookies!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Ghost research pictures
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 407 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 170 )
Dear Webby: Anti-Virus for old versions of Windows 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 29, 2007

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. --- Cato the Elder Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. --- William Hazlitt ------------------------ Sounds like poor William never had a dog! I have had dogs that showed more genuine emotion than a whole herd of politiicans. DearWebby
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?" "Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."
A real smooth talker who prided himself on being the ladies man finally met his match one night. The man had just learned that his father only had days to live and that he would inherit over ten million dollars. Overjoyed at the promised wealth, he celebrated at the local bar, where he just happened to see a drop dead gorgeous long legged woman. Of course, he couldn't wait to work his charms on her and indeed she was so interested in him, they went back to his house together. The next day she became his soon-to-be rich stepmother.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
I thought I had finally found a way to convince Susan, my continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. I invited her to dinner and, while I was busy cooking, she agreed to watch my videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitdchen and handed me the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," I replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured me. "I put it on fast-forward." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to License Plate protesters in Beijing, China Dirty Minds? October 13, 2007 - Beijing, China - Reuters Some Beijing motorists are flushed with anger over new license plate numbers that contain the letter combination "WC", saying it gives them "unpleasant images". Along with "okay", "hello" and "bye-bye", the abbreviation for the Victorian "Water Closet", or toilet, has became one of the most well-known English expressions in China. Despite being on a jargon hitlist of Olympic organizers, who plan to replace the "WC" with the more bog-standard "toilet", it remains all-too-vivid for some of the 800 Bejing car owners issued with the initials on their license plates. Authorities, however, were not sympathetic. "We will not change our policy," a policeman in charge of issuing license plates said. English initials on car-plates have previously proved to be problematic in China, where homonyms and abbreviations occasionally have unexpected associations in Mandarin. http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/thepress/w ... a4560.html
Thanks to Sandie for these pictures of her powderpuff bush:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cathi Re: Anti Virus for ME Dear Webby, I have Windows Me on my computer. It's old and cannot handle any more recent version. Now it turns out that McAfee no longer updates the virus protection for it. Do you you have any suggestions? I don't want to buy a new computer and I'd still like to be able to go online safely. Cathi Dear Cathi Try Avast Home http://www.avast.com/eng/avast_4_home.html Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Sherry the secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you" "Sherry honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once." "Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile....."

Deeli's Kudos October 13, 2007 - Beijing, China - AP A tiger species thought to be extinct in the wild for more than two decades has been photographed by a farmer in northwest China, state media reports. The South China tiger, an endangered tiger subspecies believed to have died out in the wild, was spotted in a mountainous area, the China Daily said. The tiger was photographed by a farmer on Oct. 3. Experts confirmed that it was a young South China tiger, the newspaper quoted Shaanxi Forestry Administration Bureau Deputy Director Zhu Julong as saying. "After careful examination, experts confirmed the authenticity of the photos. That means the tiger has been found again after more than 20 years," Zhu said. The South China tiger is one of the world's smallest and the only tiger subspecies native to China's central and southern areas, the official Xinhua News Agency said. There are 68 of the tigers in zoos in China, the newspaper said. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0710 ... rare_tiger

There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Deck of Cards Kids can play Go Fish, War, Old Maid, Crazy Eights, Solitaire, and other simple games. Cards can also be used to build card houses or to do magic tricks. Check out a book of card games at the library and kids can entertain themselves for hours. Keep in mind that SOME kids absolutely do not like cards. I remember building one card house, and then sneaking off to the basement and building bird houses from cut ends of boards I had gotten from a nearby construction site. From then on I knew that, whenever the cards came out, I could build anything I wanted, and they would not bother me for hours. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!" The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Samhain, A Celtic Tradition
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 328 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 544 )
Dear Webby: Convert pictures to thumbnails 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 28, 2007

Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today. --- James Dean You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." --- Plato:
Thanks to Vickey for this story: This cowboy was out looking for a job one day. He stopped at a ranchers house to ask the rancher for a job. This rancher looks over the cowboy and thinks to himself, "Waal, he looks ok, 10 gallon hat, denim shirt, denim pants but he's wearing tennis shoes. Guess I'll see what he can do." So the rancher tells the cowboy. "OK, let's see what you can do. Go rope that calf over there and brand it." The cowboy has the calf branded before the little doggie knows what hit him. Well, the rancher is a bit impressed but still not too sure so he gives him another test. "Now break that there bronc", he points to a wild looking stallion in a corral. This cowboy saddles, and rides the bronc, wildest ride you've ever seen. After 5 minutes the bronc is so tired he settles down and the cowboy hand the rancher a tame horse. This rancher is IMPRESSED now. "OK, son you got the job. There's just one question I gotta ask you. You rope and ride real well and you look mostly like a cowboy except for them tennis shoes. Why don't you wear cowboy boots instead of tennis shoes?" The cowboy looks the rancher in the eye and says, "I would wear cowboy boots, but then people would think I was a trucker!"
Boudreaux and Rodrigue are out in one of Louisiana's Cajun country swamps when Rodrigue falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. Boudreaux takes out his cell phone and calls 911 for help. "My friend is dead. He jus' pass out. What can I do?" The operator says in a calm soothing voice, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a long silence, then the operator hears a shot. Boudreaux's voice comes back on the line. "Okay," he says. "Now what?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along come St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Bonehead in Tulsa, Oklahoma Fell off the wagon October 13, 2007 - Tulsa, Oklahoma - AP Some fashion statements draw more attention than others, and wearing handcuffs while walking near the Tulsa County Courthouse is one that got noticed. A man wearing a pair of handcuffs on one wrist drew the attention of passersby Friday, who contacted law officers. But it turns out it was just his idea of a fashion statement, said sheriff's Sgt. Jody Britt. The man, whose name was not released, was wearing Goth clothing, with one end of the handcuffs on his wrist and the other end dangling, making it appear as if he had escaped custody, Britt said. "Wearing a set of handcuffs near a courthouse is not exactly the most intelligent thing you could do," Britt said. Deputies stopped the man and checked for warrants. None were found, and he was released. http://cbs5.com/watercooler/watercooler ... 21405.html
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horse manure, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" The Salesman says, "why do you ask?" She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet." Water bomber scooping water on Big Bear lake, California
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Thumbnails to save disk space Dear Webby I have heard that it takes a lot of space on my computer to have pictures of family and friends in folders and that I should make thumbnails instead. Is this true? Thanks. I enjoy your Humor Letter very much. Carolyn Dear Carolyn Whoever told you that nonsense, should be put on a strict diet of Smarties, and should not allowed out of the funny farm without competent supervision. There is probably a lot of useless stuff on your computer, that can be dumped, and replaced if needed. However, pictures of your friends and family can not be replaced. They have more rights to be on your computer and on your back-up than ANY of the replaceable crap. Especially silly games that can be downloaded again. You can always get a second hard drive cheap. But pictures of friends and relatives are not replaceable. I make thumbnails IN ADDITION to the regular size pictures, to make menuing and sorting easier, but I never reduce good pictures to thumbnail size without keeping them in original or at least regular size. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. She turns and sees that standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am. How may I help you today?" Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir how much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady, you farted just touching it. You're gonna really mess your drawers when you hear the price."

Deeli's Kudos October 11, 2007 - London, UK - AFP British adventurer Jason Lewis on Saturday arrived in Greenwich, south-east London, ending a 13-year round-the-world trip using only the power of the human body. The 40-year-old completed the final leg of his 46,000-mile (74,000-kilometre) odyssey by pedalling his 26-foot (7.9-metre) boat Moksha up the River Thames. During his circumnavigation, he capsized in the North Atlantic Ocean, broke both legs, was chased by a crocodile in Australia and arrested on suspicion of spying in Egypt and threatened with a 40-year prison sentence. Bearded and looking tired, a clearly emotional Lewis crossed the Greenwich Meridian line at the Royal Observatory by carrying his boat with the help of supporters and cheering well-wishers. Lewis set off from the same spot -- zero degrees longitude -- bound for Portugal in July 1994. The 16-leg journey also included biking, kayaking and hiking. "It feels fantastic. I came over the line and I was choked. I blubbed (cried) like a baby," he told reporters. "Everything I've been doing for the last 13 years has been in some way connected to this trip and tomorrow that will be no more." Lewis, from Dorset in south-west England, said he planned to rest this weekend before embarking on a career organising "mini-expeditions" for young people and giving talks about climate change. http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071006/lf ... 1006174058

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Extra Measuring Cups with Ingredients I have extra measuring cups and spoons and I put the appropriate measure into the container for items like flours, sugars, oatmeal, etc., and leave them there. Saves time and washing, and extra mess because I can keep the bowls over the container while measuring. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Sammy, a little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," Sammy responded immediately. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," Sammy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: .... 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Pumpkin Carving
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 293 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1018 )
Dear Webby: Why not AOL? 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 27, 2007

If you command wisely, you'll be obeyed cheerfully. --- Thomas Fuller Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today. --James Dean
Thanks to LLLido for this story: John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: One October, my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had only gone a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign that read, "Ice: 10 Miles." Five miles farther on, there was another sign that said, "Ice: 5 Miles." The next one read, "Ice: 1/2 Mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We finally came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery store and it said, "Ice: 75 Cents."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Connie for this story: My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a shoplifting drunk in Kukwonago, Wisconsin Fell off the wagon October 25, 2007 - Kukwonago, Wisconsin - AP A man told police he couldn't help himself when he took seven bottles of a spiked lemonade drink from the shelf at a Wal-Mart Supercenter and drank them in the liquor aisle. Police Chief Fred Winchowky said the 43-year-old town man claimed he was a recovering alcoholic and had been dry for 16 months before he went to the store October 14th with his wife, who was not aware of what he was doing. "He went down that aisle and he said 'I just couldn't control myself,'" Winchowky said. "He stated he was upset he broke his 16-month streak and he didn't know how he was going to tell his wife." The chief said security video caught the man drinking the 12-ounce bottles of Jack Daniels Lynchburg Lemonade over a 15-minute period. He placed the empty bottles back on the shelf. Confronted by a store official, he first denied it but smelled of intoxicants, Winchowky said. The man was cited for retail theft. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/ ... ource=mypi
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Mission Viejo Fires
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Matt Re: Why not AOL Dear Webby I have started a business and a good friend suggested that I dump my AOL address like it was hot coals, not just a hot potato, and that I should ask you why. He said he was not capable of being diplomatic on that topic. So, what's the story? Matt Dear Matt I too find it very difficult to be diplomatic on that topic. AOL email is absolutely unreliable, because you never know from one day to the next whom they are going to block. If they bounce your phone bill a month before your long planned special sale, you could get extremely annoyed. Some companies flat out refuse to do business with you, if you don't have a reliable address. An AOL address is not considered a reliable address. I realize that there are a handful of good people on AOL, but it's AOL's postmaster and the 9 Million other AOLers, who give them a bad name. When you show up with an AOL address, don't expect any respect. Expect to hear snickering behind your back. Some people know that AOL is bad for them, but they like the warm feeling they get from being part of the AOL community, just like some babies enjoy the warm feeling they get from messing their diapers. If you are addicted to that warm feeling, get a reliable address on the side for anything that is really important or related to your business. The most respect you get, of course, with an address based on your business web site. If you don't have one yet, get a gmail address. People know it is an assumed screen alias, but because gmail is reliable, they respect it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was. His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again. After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said, "And you thought I was having a good time."

Deeli's Kudos man was convicted of trying to rob a west Georgia bank after a jury discovered the impression of a holdup note that the prosecution was unaware of. Darius K. Heard, 29, of Fayetteville was sentenced Thursday to 16 years in prison for attempted robbery, fleeing officers and reckless driving. A co-defendant, Reamon D. Mapp, 25, of Austell, was s entenced to 10 years after pleading guilty to attempted robbery, fleeing officers and possession of cocaine. Heard was convicted of an April 11 robbery attempt at the RBC Centura bank in Hogansville after jurors at his trial found the outline of a holdup note pressed into the blank pages of a notebook that was seized from the car in which he and Mapp were arrested. When the two were stopped after a high-speed chase, police found two partially written notes on the vehicle's center console. One read, "This is a robbery so don't panic because if you do you could put," and stopped in mid-sentence. The other note said, "This." A notebook on the floorboard contained only blank pages, but when jurors examined it during deliberations they could see indentations of a complete holdup note. http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/ ... _1012.html

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beer For Slugs Bury a plastic container in the ground near plants that you want to protect from slugs so that the rim of the container is at ground level. Then pour some beer, the cheaper the better, into the container. In no time, you will start to see slugs meeting their end in the beer. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Do you have to tell it all? Where do you get the glaring right To make my clothes look just too tight? I think I'm fine but I can see you won't co-operate with me; The way you let the shadows play, You'd think my hair was getting grey What's that, you say? A double chin? No, that's the way the light comes in; If you persist in peering so, You'll confiscate my facial glow, And then if you're not hanging straight, You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight; I'm really quite upset with you, For giving this distorted view; I hate you being smug and wise... O, look what's happened to my thighs! I warn you now, O mirrored wall, Since we're not on speaking terms at all, If I look like this in my new jeans, You'll find yourself in smithereens!!

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Carvings of Patrick Moser
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 232 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 198 )
Dear Webby: Perfume Hoax Mail 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 26, 2007

Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!


In order to do what really matters to you, you have to, first of all, know what really matters to you." --- Dr. Edward Hallowell:
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, "Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk," worth 70 points or none at all. One student , in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote: 1.) It is perfect formula for the child. 2.) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3.) It is always the right temperature. 4.) It is inexpensive. 5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6.) It is always available as needed. And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote... 7.) It comes in cute containers. He got an A
Thanks to Bob for this report: My wife caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him if we hadn't stopped her." "He must have made her very angry, peeking at her, huh?" "No, that's not what made her the maddest." "It's not?" "No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains...."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Keli said, "I met the best-looking guy! He's gorgeous, but he doesn't say much. He's very quiet." Anni asked, "Did you check to see if he needs the battery replaced??" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Belgian Railways Punctuality more important than a life 25 October, 2007 - Belgium - Ananova A Belgian man who stopped an old woman being crushed in train doors as she got onto a train was handed a £40 pound fine for causing a delay. Daniel Dewulf from Ostend was given the fine by a conductor after he pulled open the train doors after they closed on the elderly lady as she tried to get on. He said: "I heard the conductor's whistle just as I got on the train and then realised someone else was trying to get on. The doors had closed on the elderly woman, trapping her. "In order to prevent a tragedy I pushed the door open and helped her get in. She thanked me profusely. But the conductor gave me a fine because he said my actions increased the chance of a delay. "He wasn't interested when I tried to explain to him that I had only opened the doors to try and save an old woman's life." Belgian Railways has now apologised to Dewulf and a spokesman said: "We should have fined the woman in question for boarding the train after the whistle." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2567094.html?menu=
Now that is some REAL pollution!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: Fwd.:Be Aware Please read this. It is no joke. Here is the e-mail I was sent: Dear Friends: I know not all of you are women that I am sending this to, but am hoping you will share this with your wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, etc. Our world seems to be getting crazier by the day. Pipe bombs in mail boxes and sickos in parking lots with perfume. Be careful. I was approached yesterday afternoon aro und 5:30 PM in the Wal-Mart parking lot by two men asking what kind of perfume I .......... Dear Fred Forget it. That is an ancient hoax. You can read up on it even at Snopes. There is no gas that is so potent that it can knock you out with just the tiny amount that can be put into a stack of scratch cards. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A young woman meets her old, retired, parish priest and when he asks her how she is, she bursts out crying. "What's the matter child?" he asks. "Oh, Father," she says, "it's my boyfriend. He won't marry me because I'm Roman Catholic." "There, there child. Here's what you do. Explain to him the faith of the Church, the traditions, the ceremonies and the rites. That'll bring him around." Tearfully, the young woman says she'll try it. About a year later, they meet again, and again she bursts into tears when he asks how she is doing. "Is it your boyfriend, child?" he asks. "Yes, Father." "Did you explain about the Church as I suggested?" "Yes, Father," she says, "but that was the problem. He was so taken by it that he's now studying to be a priest."

Deeli's Kudos October 25, 2007 - Muncie, Indiana - AP A noisy parrot that likes to imitate sounds helped save a man and his son from a house fire by mocking a smoke alarm, the bird's owner says. Shannon Conwell, 33, said he and his 9-year-old son fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie. They awoke about 3 a.m. Friday to find their home on fire after hearing the family's Amazon parrot, Peanut, imitating a fire alarm. ''He was really screaming his head off,'' Conwell said. The smoke alarm had activated, but it was the bird's call that caught Conwell's attention. ''I grabbed my son and my bird, and got out of the house,'' he said. The fire destroyed the home's dining room, kitchen and bedroom, Muncie fire officials said. Conwell said the fact that he and his son fell asleep on the couch helped save them. They may not have heard the alarm or the bird if they were asleep in their bedrooms. Conwell said he runs an air conditioner and a breathing machine in his bedroom and they drown out a lot of noise around the house. http://www.happynews.com/news/10252007/ ... family.htm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tennis Ball In The Garage Are you worried about a young driver (or yourself) driving through the back wall of you garage? Hang a tennis ball from the ceiling of the garage. Position the tennis ball to hit the windshield when the car is pulled in far enough. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what he should do next. His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was a complete disaster." His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?" And the young man said, "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook . . ."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Free Books
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 180 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 296 )
Dear Webby: Assign sounds to events 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 25, 2007

Wear something red tomorrow to show your support for the troops!


Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. --- Don Marquis Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others. --- Jonathan Winters
Our neighbor used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter said. "My appendix is on the wrong side."
Man to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Man: Over there. He's my brother-in-law.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Two Jews had businesses on the same street. One had customers coming and going and the other, well, maybe two or three a day. Finally, Morris, whose business was doing badly, decided to visit Shapiro, who was doing very well. Going in the door, he saw a large banner over the entrance which read : "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE." Morris wanted to know why Shapiro was going out of business, since he seemed to be doing so well. Shapiro confided, "That sign has been in my window for almost eight months. If I took it down, I would go out of business." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Priest Manuel Raul Ortega in Monterrey, Mexico Not a shining example! October 12, 2007 - Monterrey, Mexico - Reuters A Mexican priest briefly ended up behind bars after punching a policemen who caught him driving drunkenly through the streets of the northern city of Monterrey. Priest Manuel Raul Ortega, who was not wearing clerical dress but was clutching a prayer book when captured, launched himself at the traffic cop who pulled him over earlier this week. "The individual became very violent because they were going to tow away his car. He attacked a policeman and was taken away," said transit department spokesman Hector Lozano on Thursday. Ortega's papers identified him as a priest. He was released a few hours after his arrest after paying the fines for his offenses. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0710 ... _priest_dc
Thanks to JRC for sending this picture titled "Newfie Cab". Howeverr, wit a haxent like tat, I tink the driverr of tat cab is a Quebecois, not a Newfie.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Assigning Sounds to events hello my friend, there used to be a program that let you choose what sounds you wanted to add to your " program events " it had explosions,rifle shots,etc,etc,etc. do you know the name of it ? thanks, daniel, Dear Daniel Go into Control Panel Sounds and Audio Sounds In there you can assign any sounds you want to any event you want. There are tons of sounds included, and you can also use additional ones from your own collection. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Sometimes you will cry, and no one will see your tears Sometimes you will laugh, and no one will see you smile Sometimes you will fear, and no one will see you shudder Sometimes you will fall, and no one sees you struggle Sometimes you will be late, and no one seems to notice But fart just one time...

Deeli's Kudos October 24, 2007 - World - Gimundo "Panties For Peace Movement" Women all over the planet have found a unique tool to protest the brutal military regime in Myanmar (formerly Burma). Their secret weapon? Underwear. Thongs, polka-dots, or Granny panties, with tags from Target or Victoria's Secret – the style and brand don't matter one bit. According to the UK's Daily Mail, the superstitious leaders of the military junta in Myanmar believe that any physical contact with a pair of women's panties will "rob them of their power." So, a protest group called Lanna Action for Burma has banded together with the aim of getting women from every nation to send some of their unmentionables to the Myanmar embassies within their home countries. The name of the mission is, of course, "Panties for Peace." And while the mailbags full of lacy delicates may not flat-out end the fighting, it serves as "an extremely strong message in Burmese and in all Southeast Asian culture," activist Liz Hilton told the Daily Mail. If you want to join in the panty protest, just pick up a pair or two and visit lannaactionforburma.blogspot.com for details. Learn more. (Daily Mail) http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/6 ... _to_Peace?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Donate Old Magazines Give your old magazines to hospitals, nursing homes, senior centers, schools or clinics. Schools need magazines for research and for children to cut pictures out of. Anywhere there is a waiting room there are people hoping for something to read. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A customer was so infatuated with his waitress he decided to ask her for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. With a total lack of finesse, he blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me since you served me? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 99 and 44 100s % Pure
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 170 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 607 )
Dear Webby: Is CrapCleaner safe? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 24, 2007

When you come right down to it, the secret of having it all is loving it all. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. --- Foster's Law
I was thinking about digging up this old classic pre-halloween story, when Sandie mailed it to me: This happened about a month ago just outside of Owensboro, Kentucky, a small town on the banks of the Ohio River, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's indeed real. An out of state traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barley see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride very badly, the guy jumped into the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of the engine to be heard over the rain. Again the car crept slowly forward and guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and beg for his life. He was certain the ghost car would go off the road and into the river, and he would surely drown! But just before the curve, a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, frightened nearly to death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran through the storm to the nearby town. Wet and in shock, he went into a lighted tavern and with voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, and then, shaken, he told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence came over those listening and everybody got goose bumps. They realized the guy was sober and was telling the truth. And the sounds of the storm continued outside. About half an hour later, two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, 'Look Billy Bob, there's that idiot that rode in our car while we was pushin' it in the rain.'
Oh Doctor!" said the young lady prior to her surgery, "Will the scar show? " "Not in church, madam," replied the doctor, "but anywhere else, it's entirely up to you......"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor...." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the council in Slough, Berkshire, UK from the frying pan into the fire October 20, 2007 - Slough, Berkshire, UK - The Sun A bonfire night party has been banned by council chiefs because it breaches their new clean-air policy. They claimed it would be hypocritical to go ahead with the annual civic event in Slough. But disappointed locals said it was health and safety gone mad. Just weeks ago it launched a "Cleaner, Safer, Greener Slough" campaign - with the pledge it would "protect the air you breathe". Events manager Susan Duncan said: "We all have a responsibility to look after our environment as it is so important, so we have decided not to have a bonfire again. "But there will be a fantastic fireworks display and other entertainment for residents to enjoy and celebrate the night." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2559963.html?menu= --------------- What a bunch of idiots! A natural bonfire harms the environment a LOT less than a "fantastic fireworks display".
From the forest fire at Green Valley Lake, California One of the lucky houses Interesting, aside from the melted siding, is the top window. I increased brightness and contrast, but didn't retouch it. Many houses there were not so lucky. 20 pictures from the Green Valley Lake forest fire are at http://snipurl.com/1smlw
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re: Is CrapCleaner safe Hi... I sent you an E-Mail last week and did'nt recive any reply... So, Guess I'll thy again... Can you tell me anything about the CrapCleaner... I've downloaded it,from your site here...but I don't want to use it unless I know its safe... Well it delete my files and/or programs that are on my Desktop ??? Thank You for any info... --- Jerry --- Dear Jerry Crap Cleaner is perfectly safe. It will just delete useless crap. If you are using cookies to sign in at the bank and places like that, take the checkmark off the cookies. Then it will leave those alone. It will show you first what it has found that is useless crap. You can look that over and un-check stuff if you think you might need it. CrapCleaner will remember your preferences and next time not suggest anything that you had unchecked the last time. Quite often, if your machine slows down and gets close to stalling, running CrapCleaner will get things moving again and speed up the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It´s too hot. It´s too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin´ ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it´s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can´t be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can´t kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you´ll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you´ve kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma´am," the frustrated guide said, "but I´ve sat on it!!!"

Deeli's Kudos October 14, 2007 - Idaho Falls, Idaho - Ananova A US man spent four years waiting for a new kidney - only to find a donor through a chance knock on his door. Travelling salesman Jamie Howard offered up one of his kidneys after asking Paul Sucher why he couldn't afford a new vacuum cleaner. "It was something I was called to do," Mr. Howard, 35, told Idaho's Times-News newspaper. Mr. Sucher, who had spent three years having dialysis, now says he feels as healthy as before his kidneys failed. Both Mr. Sucher's kidneys failed in 2004 because of high blood pressure. And while his name went on a donor waiting list at the University of Colorado, he barely moved up the list in two-and-a-half years. "You're waiting for a dead man's kidney," he said. "There's never enough." That all changed when Mr. Howard, an Idaho Falls-based vacuum cleaner salesman, knocked on the Sucher's front door. But it was far from simple convincing the Colorado doctors to accept Mr. Howard as a donor. They suspected money had changed hands. Eventually doctors were convinced when Mr. Sucher pointed out the only people making money from the £125,000 operation were the surgical team. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2548956.html?menu=

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Teriyaki Marinade for Tender Beef Chuck Use a bottled chicken teriyaki marinade along with green, orange, yellow, and red bell peppers, one medium white onion, lemon herb, and steak seasoning. Cook with medium-low heat on stove for about 30 to 45 min. Make sure to marinate in a closed container. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: igNobel Prizes
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 218 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 175 )
Dear Webby: Getting an IE6 shortcut 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 23, 2007

There comes a moment when you have to stop revving up the car and shove it into gear. --- David Mahoney
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find that I had not only left it running, but had locked it too! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can go fetch a locksmith riding your broom and be back so fast." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out."
Upon retiring from the service, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A salesman attending a meeting on the coast was held up when a severe storm and a flood washed out the local airport. He wired his office: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions." His boss wired back: "We'll answer your calls. Your vacation has been approved to start immediately." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Zachary N. Skinner, 19 of Bradenton, Florida In bigger trouble now October 16, 2007 - Bradenton, Florida - AP A 19-year-old man who was pulled over for driving at speeds over 100 mph told a deputy he was rushing to get home by dark because he didn't want to get into trouble for breaking his curfew. Zachary N. Skinner was clocked going 101 mph in a 2006 Hyundai and drove even faster before Deputy Grant Steube caught up with him Sunday night, a Manatee County sheriff's report said. When Skinner finally pulled over at about 8:20 p.m., Steube asked him why he was driving so fast. "He stated he was supposed to be home by dark and was afraid of getting into trouble," the deputy's report said. He "stated he didn't care about anything except getting home on time." Skinner was arrested on a charge of reckless driving, a first-degree misdemeanor. Court records show it was Skinner's fifth ticket in the past 11 months, including two for speeding and one for careless driving. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... pe=bondage

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Connie Re: Getting an IE6 Shortcut Hi Webby, I've uninstalled the IE7 and installed the program to block it from coming in again. Now, how do I get the IE6 back with the short cut on my desk top? I've nothing there to click on and have to click on START, go up to INTERNET to click on in order to get into either Yahoo or MSN. Thanks for any info you can give me. Hope you have a great day. Connie Dear Connie Browse to http://webby.com/humor http://webby.com/humor Drag the little icon to the left of the address bar into the corner of your desktop where you want the shortcut for IE6 to be. And you got it, even opening up with the Humor Letter! Once you have a browser open, you can go anywhere. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Driving my friend Steve and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Steve's girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her." "No," Steve corrected. "If I drank a six-pack, then you'd look like her....."

Deeli's Kudos October 17, 2007 - UK - Gimundo These days, the world is abuzz with news of a brand-new bra – but you won't find this exclusive undergarment on any Victoria's Secret rack yet. English researchers are still putting the finishing touches on the so-called "smart bra," which could be commercially available in about two years. So what's so special about this exclusive bra? Is it diamond- studded? Does it double its wearer's cup size? No – but it does something much more impressive: It can save lives. Using advanced heat-detection technology, the new smart bra can detect signs of breast cancer at the earliest stages. A microwave antenna woven into the bra's fabric is able to pick up on abnormal temperature changes that could indicate the presence of a small tumor in the breast tissue. When the bra senses a possible problem, a visual or audio alarm will go off, alerting the bra's wearer to visit her doctor as soon as possible. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/6 ... Save_Lives

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Chimney If you have a fireplace or wood burning stove, it is the time of year to have your chimney cleaned and inspected. Keeping your chimney maintained can help increase the efficiency of your stove and also helps prevent chimney fires. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Weird Hotels
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 483 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 296 )
Dear Webby: Getting rid of IE7 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 22, 2007

Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. --- Mark Twain
A little Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father. "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is". While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful 24 year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly "Son, go get your Mother."
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said, "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Victor Lopez, 32, from Santa Fe, New Mexico Wrong place to show off October 18, 2007 - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Canadian Press A man who walked into a meeting with his probation officer wearing a Rolex watch ended up sporting handcuffs. Victor Lopez, 32, was arrested Tuesday on a probation violation for possessing stolen property and was booked into the Santa Fe County jail, police said. The probation officer grew suspicious when he noticed Lopez wearing the $2,500 watch and called police, said Santa Fe Deputy Police Chief Aric Wheeler. "It goes back to that thought process that these guys aren't the sharpest tools in the shed," Wheeler said. The watch was stolen Sunday evening when three men forced their way into a Santa Fe home, police said. Lopez told police a friend had left the watch at his home, Wheeler said. Officers went to the Probation and Parole Department and determined from markings on the watch that it was the one that was stolen, Wheeler said. http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/071018/K101811AU.html
yes-honey-I-know-you-want-to-talk-some-more, but........... but........
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Bobbi Jean Re: Get rid of IE7 I was wondering how do you uninstall IE 7......its driving me nuts and I cannot seem to find a way to uninstall it!! Thanks Webby, Bobbi Jean Dear Bobbi Jean Go to the Control Panel and select: Add/Remove Software. Find IE7 in there and remove it. Then go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and get the IE7 Blocker, to make sure that snake does not slither back in. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle. "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the enemy, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang.'" "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit. The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this ... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab.'" The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, an enemy soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The enemy falls dead. More enemies appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one enemy soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The enemy keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use. The enemy keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, mumbling "Tankety Tank Tank."

Deeli's Kudos October 20, 2007 - Gloucester, UK - The Sun A rugby-mad parrot shouts support for his favourite team in a Gloucester accent. The three-year-old African Grey parrot called Severiano Ballesteros chants ''Gloucester, Gloucester'' in a West Country drawl whenever he sees his team play on TV. Owners Taffy Howell, 59, and wife Jean, 50, both rugby fans, were shocked when they realised he was a rugby fan too, reports The Sun. Taffy said: ''He talks, he swears at the ref, and he says Glawsterrr, which sounds like Gloucester with an accent. ''He's not the prettiest bird but he's a lot of fun.'' Jean said they are now trying to teach him to cheer for England during the World Cup Final at the weekend. She said: ''Seve watched England win last Saturday and he loved it - when I start cheering he gets really excited and sometimes he even asks if I want a beer. ''I've tried to teach him to say 'Come on Jonny' hopefully he can learn it in time for the World Cup Final. ''I reckon we might just do it and Seve will definitely be cheering the guys on Saturday.'' http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2558083.html?menu=

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com October Best Buys Plan your meals around items that tend to be cheaper in October. Here's a list of some of the best bets during October. Apples, Baking Goods, Beans, Beef, Beets, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Cauliflower, Chestnuts, Cranberries, Parsnips, Pears, Pork, Pumpkin, Scallops, Sweet Potatoes, Turkey, Turnips, and Winter Squash. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman. "No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold." She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question: "Are your urinals covered in gold?" To which she heard the bartender said, "Hey, Clarence, I think we found the drunk who peed in your tuba!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Find a sunset near you
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 287 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 298 )
Dear Webby: How it works 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 21, 2007


Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money. --- Arthur Miller A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. --- John Ciardi
Thanks to the folks from Erie for this report: I am not sure if you all heard about this case in the news... but you should read the entire article. -Tragic Local Courtroom Drama Plays Out in Omaha- Omaha, NE (AP) -A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Douglas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his Aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his Grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS, whom the boy firmly believes are NOT CAPABLE OF BEATING ANYONE!
A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Fifteen years later, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years". Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tajuan Bullock, 33, of Montgomery, Alabama Another Dumb Burglar October 18, 2007 - Montgomery, Alabama - AP A burglar in Montgomery chose the wrong family to mess with, literally. Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon returned home on Tuesday after a week away to find that thieves had emptied almost everything the family of five owned, Tiffany McKinnon said through tears. "Tears just rolled down my face as I walked in and saw everything gone and piles of trash all over my home," she said. Adrian McKinnon sent his wife to see her sister while he inspected the piles left behind. As he walked back into the sunroom, a man walked through the back door straight into him, Tiffany McKinnon told the Montgomery Advertiser in a story Thursday. "My husband Adrian caught the thief red-handed in our home," she said. "And what is even crazier, the man even had my husband's hat sitting right on his head." Adrian McKinnon held the suspect, 33-year-old Tajuan Bullock, at gunpoint and told him to sit on the floor until he decided what to do. "We made this man clean up all the mess he made, piles of stuff, he had thrown out of my drawers and cabinets onto the floor," Tiffany McKinnon said. When police arrived, Bullock complained about being forced to clean the home at gunpoint. "This man had the nerve to raise sand about us making him clean up the mess he made in my house," she said. "The police officer laughed at him when he complained and said anybody else would have shot him dead." Capt. Huey Thornton, a police spokesman, said police arrested Bullock at 2 p.m. Tuesday on burglary and theft charges. He was being held in the Montgomery County Detention Facility on a $30,000 bond. http://www.abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/wireStory?id=3748903

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Grandma Buttercup Re: WiFi Problem Hi Webby I would like to offer my advice to the person having trouble with the wifi in hotels. I too had that problem and I travel quite a bit, until I called the technician for the wifi service. I have a Sony Vaio and did not know there is a tiny button on the side front that has to be turned on for wifi to work. Haven't had a problem since. Grandma Buttercup Thanks Grandma Buttercup! Let's hope that will do the trick for Nofries! Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied....

Deeli's Kudos October 19, 2007 - Wales, UK - WSBTV The supermarket may provide something that can help surgical wounds heal, according to a new review. Researchers from the North West Wales National Health Service Trust say that patients should ask their doctors about putting honey on wounds to speed healing and fight infection. Dr. Fasal Rauf Khan said honey was an ancient treatment for wound healing, and that it never spoils. But when effective antibiotics came into use in the 1940s, honey was dropped. "Honey has a number of properties that make it effective against bacterial growth, including its high sugar content, low moisture content, gluconic acid -- which creates an acidic environment -- and hydrogen peroxide. It has also been shown to reduce inflammation and swelling," he said. Researchers have also reported that applying honey can be used to reduce amputation rates among diabetes patients. Studies have suggested that honey should be applied at regular intervals, from hourly to twice daily and that wounds can become sterile in three to 10 days. "It is probably even more useful for healing the wounds left by laparoscopic surgery to remove cancers," Khan said. He also said honey could gain favor because of concerns about pathogens gaining resistance to antibiotics. http://www.wsbtv.com/health/14377266/detail.html

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Costume: Bag Of Garbage Cut holes in the bottom of a large garbage bag for legs and two holes in the side of the bag for arms. Your head will stick out the top of the bag. Fill it with crumpled newspaper until it looks like a full garbage bag and tape it closed Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Anna gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket. Anna replies, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to Anna and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Wavs
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 255 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 290 )
Dear Webby: WiFi connection problem 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 20, 2007


Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant? --- Henry David Thoreau
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it...."
A teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their father did for a living an then spell the occupation. A girl named Mary went first. "My dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give each of us a cookie." Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker,b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter." Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician. But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to little Johnny. "My dad is a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8-to-5 that Jimmy ain't never gonna spell electrician!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A wealthy executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy I kicked out in Buffalo!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dumb burglar in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Dumb Burglar October 12, 2007 - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia - AP A house burglar walked straight into the clutches of the law when he agreed to meet his victim to return one of her stolen possessions, police said Friday. The man allegedly stole two gold rings and a mobile phone from a woman's home in eastern Terengganu state earlier this week, said Hazam Abdul Halim, the state's police chief for criminal investigations. She then called the man on the stolen phone and asked him to meet her near a restaurant to return her phone's subscriber identity chip, Hazam said. "Fortunately, the suspect agreed," Hazam said. The woman alerted authorities, who waited for the man and arrested him, Hazam said. The suspect was being held in police custody while officials investigate the case. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071012/D8S7U0401.html

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nofries Re: WiFi Problem Hi Dear Webby, I tried to use my new laptop's wifi at two places this past week. Both places offered free wifi access and when I switched on the wi fi it detected the signal and connected. Then I could not surf, when I tried to open Internet Explorer I got the message, "IE cannot display this web page." I'm not too tech savvy and was embarrassed beyond belief that I could not figure this out. I have windows XP pro and ran the Network Diagnostics for Windows XP, and checked the Tools >Internet Options>Advanced>and made sure the SSL and TSL were enabled. Could it have been my firewall or security? I use free Zonealarm, Ad-aware, and AVG. I seem to recall Zonealarm asking to allow something and I said yes. I also use AOL, I know - my bad! I just tried to Google the error message with no luck. Is there a web site for dummies to get help with tech problems? I'm visually oriented and can figure out most things with written instructions. Do you have any advice or link to a problem solving site for dummies? Love your daily Humor letter! nofries ps--Still have dial up Internet at home, in SE USA. I will have to stick to dial up for 6-8 months or so, can you recommend an ISP? Dear Nofries Normally, with free or public WIFI you automatically get a browser screen from the WIFI provider, and you have to log in with the user name and password that is usually on a card on the table or posted somewhere. Sometimes you have to sign up and fill out your name and address and bra size and all kinds of demographic information. The rule there is: "Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer." Just make up some stuff if it is too personal. Then you get a user name and password. Close the browser, and when you open it again with the log-on screen, use that user name and password. Until you log on, your browser doesn't go anywhere, except that log-on screen, and the WiFi signal strength will be very low. Don't be shy about asking staff how to log on. I ask, if the usual routine does not work, and I have logged onto WIFI at many hundreds of places. Usually the staff knows even less about it than you, but they will give you a number to call. The people at that support number will have you connected within seconds. Re a dial-up in SE USA, try Earthlink. I have sent hundreds of people to them, and all seem to be happy. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it

Deeli's Kudos October 13, 2007 - Monroe, New Jersey - CBS A bad golf swing may have saved the life of an injured dirt biker in central New Jersey. Really. The man was rescued after spending 17 hours trapped in the woods. Dr. Vincent Romeo is a good golfer, usually hitting in the low 80s. On Thursday, though, he shanked a shot, clipping his ball way to the right of fairway 8 of New Jersey's Forsgate Country Club in Monroe. That one bad swing led to a hole-in-one for a dirt biker injured in the woods by the golf course. When Dr. Romeo went to his errant golf ball, he thought he heard something, but decided it was the wind. "I am about ready to hit it again and I hear another cry and I realize … there was somebody," Romeo said. Romeo then walked over to the woods and called out. "I yell to the person, 'do you need help?' He yells back, 'I am on the track.'" Thirty yards in the thick woods along a rarely used railroad track, 46-year-old Marc Franz had crashed his dirt bike. He could not move. Police say he had a broken leg, arm and ribs. He had spent the night in pain. Romeo could not get through the woods and called to the club staff. Police and EMS came up the railroad track to the injured dirt biker. "He was in poor condition; he had been there 17 hours and was happy to see us," said Lt. Marc Jimenez of the Monroe Police Department. Franz was taken to University Hospital in New Brunswick where he is listed in fair condition. Romeo says a big storm hit right after he found the injured dirt biker. He believes the biker might have died from exposure if he was left another night. He said this was better than a hole-in-one. http://cbs4.com/watercooler/watercooler ... 00517.html

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Lost During a Power Outage If you have homeowners insurance, food that has to be thrown out during a power outage may be covered by your policy. Check with your insurance company to be sure. Some insurance policies will cover up to $500.00 per appliance if you provide a general list of what was lost and its replacement value. Beware that most insurance companies WILL recover pay-outs through higher premiums in the following years! Use insurance pay-outs only when absolutely necessary. Dear.Webby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tanja Askani
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 202 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 744 )
Dear Webby: Forward mail without opening 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 19, 2007

Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!


Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. --- Anatole France
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A woman, her husband and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic light. The woman glanced over at the car next to them and noticed a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband, she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks and said, "Here. Have a cookie."
Thanks to JRC for this story: A Doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant "Garge, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Garge. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So,Garge, How was your day?" Garge told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir" says Garge. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!'" "Tunderin' lard Jaysus, Garge, what did you do?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go into business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough so that he could quit and start his own business. About two years later, I was on vacation and was going through the town where his business was located, so I stopped by for a visit. "Hey, John! I heard that the first year is the hardest for a new business." "Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day." "Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going into business for myself." "Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Anderson, 48 of Woodland, California Dentist straying out of his territory October 12, 2007 - Woodland, California - AP A dentist accused of fondling the breasts of 27 female patients is trying to keep his dental license by arguing that chest massages are an appropriate procedure in certain cases. Mark Anderson's lawyer says dental journals discuss the need to massage the pectoral muscles to treat a common jaw problem. Police say Anderson said during recorded phone calls that he routinely massaged patients' chests to treat temporo- mandibular joint disorder, or TMJ, which causes neck and head pain. Attorney Robert Zaro told administrative law judge Jonathan Lew at a hearing Thursday that he should let Anderson keep his dental license while disciplinary appeals proceed. Anderson would be supervised by two assistants and would no longer do the chest rubs, Zaro said. Zaro said Anderson, 48, of Woodland, needs to keep seeing patients so he can feed his seven children and pay for his defense. The judge made no immediate decision. Lew suspended Anderson's dental license last month. He was charged with two misdemeanor counts of battery and sexual battery. Yolo County prosecutors are investigating complaints from more than two dozen women who say they also were groped in the examining chair in the last five years. Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Phillips gave Lew three new complaints, including one from a 31-year-old woman who said Anderson fondled her at least six times over two years. She took to wearing tight shirts with high necklines, "and Anderson would still get in under her shirt and bra," according to a police report. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071012/ap_ ... _dentist_1
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Email Substitute Dear Webby, A lady asked "I want a toolbar so I can forward e-mail to without having to open outlook express. I am not to thrill with google toolbar." Any suggestions or remedies? Thanks, Bill Dear Bill I would recommend a steady diet of Smarties and competent supervision. To forward email without opening her email program she would have to delve deeper into spiritology than I want to venture. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys instead!"

Deeli's Kudos Scottish MP's on a snackfood free diet Snack machines reject Scottish MPs' money EDINBURGH, Scotland (UPI) -- Vending machines at the Scottish Parliament are rejecting new Scottish bank notes. The new Bank of Scotland notes, which look more like euros than English currency, feature security upgrades like holograms, foil patches and strengthened corners, The Scotsman reported. However, they have also wreaked havoc with vending machines, the newspaper said. There has been a delay in updating machines to recognize new notes, and cheaper machines do not have the memory required ever to recognize them. The problems include the automatic catering service at the Scottish Parliament building, where machines have been spitting back the notes, printed nearby at the Bank of Scotland. VMC Limited, which makes the devices used in the Scottish Parliament, said it is waiting for updated software and samples of the new money. A Bank of Scotland spokesman apologized for the inconvenience.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: 5 Minute Clean Up Have a family ritual: before anyone goes to bed, they clean up their belongings in the living and dining room. It only takes a few minutes. Items that sit out for too long become a part of the landscape. Daily maintenance is the key to clutter control. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised its level of unruliness. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Anything Sun
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 2 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 355 )
Dear Webby: Removing Pre-Installed McAfee 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 18, 2007

Wear something red tomorrow to show your support for the troops!


As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do. --- Andrew Carnegie Dear Webby, I am one of those aol folks that no longer receives your letter. No sweat. I just bookmarked it and pull it up everyday and still enjoy it. --- ThomKat
Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors, but didn't like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of moonshine who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare butt. After two hours Bob's wife came home and asked Bob, "What are you doing?" Bob explained and she said, "Come on, you will only freeze your butt off." Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet. Then his wife got an idea. "Lets change places when Joe is looking the other way." Bob's Wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob. Half an hour later Joe's wife came home and asked him, "What are you doing?" Joe told her During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."and said, "I am determined to win the bottle!" "You are crazy. Come on in." "Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!"
Wilbur got a job on the railways as a steward. For the first day he accompanied another steward to learn the ropes. "It's very simple," said his tutor, "Just use diplomacy." "What's diplomacy?" asked Wilbur. "Watch me I'll show you". Off they went down the train corridor, rattling compartment doors, opening them with special keys and offering tea or coffee. When the tutor steward flung open one door he was confronted with a buck naked woman. Without batting an eyelid he asked "Tea or coffee, sir?" The surprised woman took the cup of tea and he shut the door. "Wow, did you see that cutie!" Wilbur said excitedly. "She had no clothes on. But hey, why did you call her sir?" "That's diplomacy! I did not want to embarrass her". Wilbur was most impressed with his teacher. The next day, on his own now, he flung open a door to a compartment and found a couple making love on the bed. "Tea or coffee, sir?" "Tea" the man replied. "And for your brother?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Dave for ths story: The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing. A veteran parent of six children told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers. "I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Odee, 43, in Lloyd, New York Punkin' Rage October 12, 2007 - Lloyd, New York - AP A woman says a neighbor attacked her inflatable Halloween lawn display of three ghosts and a giant pumpkin, then apparently smashed his head through her window in a fit of rage. State Police said officers found a drunken John Odee, 43, inside Dawn Garcia's house in the Hudson Valley town of Lloyd on Thursday night, arrested him after a brief struggle and charged him with burglary. Garcia told the Middletown Times Herald-Record she heard hollering and swearing and looked outside to see Odee struggling with the giant pumpkin. "He was enraged. I could see that," she said. When she yelled at him to go away, Odee charged the house. She fled through the back door with three of her children and heard window glass breaking. She called 911 from another neighbor's house. Police said Odee used his head to smash a window to get in. "What made him do that, I don't know," Garcia said. "We had the same decoration up last year and it didn't bother him." http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/ ... ource=mypi
Thanks to Walter for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: McAfee uninstaller Dear Webby, I don't know about Cherie but lately several of my friends have bought new computers with preinstalled McAfee. It won't uninstall. I finally found this link to an unistaller at McAfee's site that did the trick. http://download.mcafee.com/products/lic ... s/MCPR.exe Download and run it if all else fails. Rick Dear Rick Thanks for that valuable information! I had not realized that some pre-installs miss the UN-install part. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Deeli's Kudos October 15, 2007 - Providence, Rhode Island - Providence Journal Neither motorists nor pedestrians could ignore the man in the pale blue shirt and bright white sneakers yesterday morning standing between the Providence Biltmore and The Westin Providence hotels. He was offering something. “Good morning!” exclaimed Thad Davis to everyone around him. He twisted to the left, to the right, and checked behind him, leading always with a waving hand. “Good morning! ... How are you? ... Have a good day!” Davis, 41, a freight train conductor on the Norfolk Southern out of Bellevue, Ohio, arrived on his first visit to New England on Wednesday with his wife, Kathleen. She’s an assistant director of a residential-care facility back in Van Wert, Ohio, where the Davises and their four children live. She’s attending a mental-health conference in Providence. On Thursday, while his wife was at her conference, Davis, a curious guy, took his first stroll through a New England city, testing some of his preconceived notions of New Englanders. Davis had heard little about those from the littlest state, but during his walk Thursday through downtown and Providence Place mall he came away thinking Rhode Islanders were, well, kind of glum. Back in the hills of Polk County, N.C., where Davis grew up, offering greetings to people you meet on the street is as natural as chompin’ on pulled pork during a NASCAR race. He got an idea. While his wife took in her morning conference sessions yesterday, he would take to the street and try to brighten people’s spirits. By 8 a.m., he had found a nice spot at the tip of a traffic island across from Burnside Park. People stared. Drivers shot double-takes as they passed by his sign. Others offered obligatory waves, as reactive as swatting at a passing fly. But there also came cracks in all those glum expressions. One lady in a maroon sedan couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She rolled down her window and gawked. “Good morning! How are you?” said Davis. “Good morning,” the young lady said, then beamed back a wide smile before driving away. One police officer in a cruiser swung by and stopped, too. “That’s it?” he asked. “Yes sir, that’s all it is.” The officer drove away, grinning. “Some people sometimes looked at me like I’m silly,” he said. “Others just thought I’m panhandling until they read the sign again.” What did he learn from his three hours in a Providence intersection? “Well, the people seemed to appreciate it.… No one told me to screw myself.” Said Davis: “I don’t think I changed anybody’s life, but I hope I made their day a little better. Maybe it will become a movement.” http://www.projo.com/news/content/good_ ... dafe3.html

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Costume: A Pirate! Wear an old pair of jeans and roll them up to your knees. Add knee high socks, tights or a pair of long johns under the pants. Find a shirt that is a few sizes too big and then wear a belt or sash over the shirt so that is nice and baggy. Add an old pair of boots, an earring and an eye patch! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Talk about having second thoughts upon choosing a place to eat. I went into this place in Abilene Texas and said to the waitress, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." She smiled, handing me a menu, "Well... you've come to the right place."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Thanks to Dora for this Classic: During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Spudware
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 227 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 175 )
Dear Webby: McAfee Remover 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 17, 2007


Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. --- Winston Churchill The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco I forgot how I ever came across your humor letter, but it's the best thing that ever happened to my on line life. ;-) I can't live without your humor. keep it up.. Bertha p.s I am so glad you advised earthlink too.
"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I was the minute I asked you to marry me!"
Thanks to Sandie for this: I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start. She said "fine!" hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I suddenly realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions... Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rosa Maria Solano in Colombia Public Confession October 14, 2007 - Columbia, South America - Ananova A game show has been cancelled in Colombia after a contestant won £25,000 after admitting she had hired a hitman to kill her husband. Nothing But The Truth has been a big hit in South America, subjecting competitors to a lie detector test, reports Metro News. They had to truthfully answer 21 increasingly invasive questions to win £25,000. But the producers got into trouble when contestant Rosa Maria Solano took home the top prize after telling viewers she had tried to have her husband killed. She admitted hiring a hitman to carry out the deed, but the plan was not followed through. "The crime couldn't be carried out because the hitman tipped off my husband and he ran away forever - God save me,"' said Mrs Solano. TV station Caracol pulled the show after it was threatened with legal action. Everything from extra-marital affairs to drug smuggling and homosexual prostitution was confessed to by contestants on the show. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2550369.html?menu=
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Large version
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cherie Re: McAfee remover Dear Webby, I hve noticed that on your website you have a link to get rid of Norton.... do you have one to get rid of Mcafee Security Center??? Cherie Dear Cherie Unlike Norton, McAfee can be cleanly UNinstalled from the Control Panel, Add/Remove Programs. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
It has been proven that Adam was a Mennonite. Only a Mennonite man who could stand in front of a naked woman and be tempted by an apple.

Deeli's Kudos October 14, 2007 - Newcastle, UK - BBC An artist is turning a year's worth of unwanted junk mail into a sculpture in her garden. Anne Cohen, 54, from Newcastle, puts all her junk mail on a large metal spike outside her front door. The mother-of-four started on 1 January and now the artwork is more than 5ft tall, reports the BBC. She plans to continue adding to the pile until the end of December to find out how much junk mail one household receives in a year. Once the piece is finished, she hopes to spray and preserve it so that it can go on display in a gallery. "We just get so much junk mail. We're totally inundated," she said, "I'm using art as a tool to start a debate. I just want to show things up and people can come to their own conclusions." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2550448.html?menu= ----------------------- In my opinion, that's not art, especially since dogs and pigs are being used to pick up litter and put recyclable cans and bottles into a bin and paper onto a spike. Junk mail CAN be used for artistic purposes, like gluing it together to make a colorful kids playhouse, that even promotes reading and reading games. Judging by how badly the schools, that are fighting the "No kid left behind" law, are failing in basic national reading tests, building junk mail sculptures might produce a drastic improvement over what they are doing now. DearWebby


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at ten21empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Sure It Is Junk Mail I received a letter from my bank, it looked like promotional material, but it detailed the new checking account that my bank had signed me up for. This new account has monthly fees, in contrast to the free checking account I had signed up for 15 years ago. The moral of the story, be sure to read anything your bank sends you. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. Keli was sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her. Finally Keli could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!" "So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Betty was soon to be married. More than anything, she wanted to wear the wedding dress her mother was married in. Betty's mother was beaming with pride as she gave her consent. Later in the evening, the family gathered in the living room to wait while Betty tried on the dress. When Betty entered the room, there was a chorus of approval. The dress fit perfectly and looked wonderful on her. Tears ran down the face of Betty's mother. Seeing this, Betty said, "Don't worry Mom, you're not losing a daughter, your gaining a son." "Forget about that BS!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Plate Tectonics
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 273 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 164 )
Dear Webby: Zero Tolerance to bounces 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 16, 2007


The capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest meaning and significance. --- Pablo Casals
Hi Webby, I'm with you totally on the one below...in the area where we live there are hundreds of the cameras and...the first violation is a fine of $336.00 not sure what they are after that one...that is the only one listed on the signs but, I know it makes people pay a LOT more attention when you really hit them hard in the wallet. Keep up the great work!! Cookie
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on those decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?" The answer from the group was unanimous, "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker. "There would still be five, because there is a difference between deciding to jump and actually jumping."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway." "Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation." "Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?" "Yes, indeed. He wrote a check." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Kearse, 34, of Maitland, Florida Dumb Robber MAITLAND, Fla. -- A man pretending to need a room at a Maitland hotel ended up robbing the front desk early Monday morning. Once he had the money, he had a strange request for the clerk at the Courtyard by Marriott on Pembrook Drive. Soon after the female clerk gave the suspect at least $350, he ordered her to take off her clothes. Police in Maitland knew the man they found riding a bicycle, almost one mile away from the hotel that was robbed early Monday morning, was the man they were looking for. He had a wad of money in his socks and he matched the description of the suspect who entered the Courtyard by Marriott, pretended to be a customer and then demanded the money. "She got hysterical. she opened up the cash drawer. She handed him all the cash and at that point he told her that he wanted her to take off all her clothes," said Sgt. Jeff Harris of the Maitland Police Department. Police said the frightened clerk started to take off her blazer when a real customer pulled up and started to unload luggage from their car. They set off the automatic sliding doors that led into the lobby of the hotel. "That spooked the suspect and he went running out the front door, almost knocking down one of the two witnesses who saw him," added Harris. The bad guy took off on a bicycle. A female officer confronted him about a mile away from the hotel, but after a brief struggle he managed to get away. That's when three agencies brought in additional officers, K-9 units and a helicopter. Twenty-five minutes later, 34-year-old Michael Kearse was arrested and taken to jail. Police said Kearse is a career criminal. He was booked on resisting arrest with violence, battery on an officer, as well as robbery with the threat of a weapon. http://www.wftv.com/slideshow/news/14340569/detail.html
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: AOL Dear Webby, This is what happened when I tried to forward your humor letter to my friend. Guess AOL, guards both the front and the back doors. MAILER-DAEMON@yahoo.com wrote: Date: 15 Oct 2007 10:27:23 -0000 From: MAILER-DAEMON@yahoo.com To: ********@sbcglobal.net Subject: failure notice Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out. Dear Patricia You can't win them all. All you can do is wait and hope that some day they will smarten up. In the meantime, AOLers can browse to http://webby.com/humor and read the Humor Letter on-line. It is easy enough to drag an icon from the left of the address bar onto the desktop. Have FUN! DearWebby ----------------------------------------- From Bill At the end of last week I received an email from this site telling me I had been unsubscribed. I resubscribed yesterday, but have since received another email telling me I have been unsubscribed again. There is also a note saying that AOL subscribers need not resubscribe. What is the problem here? Bill. Dear Bill as the good example for other newsletters, we maintain a strict zero tolerance policy regarding bounced mail. Whenever the idjits censor and bounce your subscription, they bounce your address off the list. Once you graduate from AOL, that problem will instantly go away. PS.: My reply to you bounced too. Have FUN! DearWebby OK, lets change the topic and quit beating a dead horse. I'm sure there are other web or computer related questions waiting out there!

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Dianne for this story: Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet... Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush....

Deeli's Kudos October 7, 2007 - Budapest, Hungary - AP A 16-year-old took the top prize at the Rubik's Cube world championship Sunday, solving the puzzle five times in an average of 12.46 seconds. But the fastest single attempt was a cool 10.88 seconds, just off the world record of 9.86 seconds. Yu Nakajima of Japan won the main event for twisting the classic 3x3 cube — which has nine colored tiles on each on its six sides — into the winning position, where all like-colored tiles are on the same face. Andrew Kang of the United States, who came in second for the main event, set the best time for a single attempt at the championship. The world record has been held by Thibaut Jacquinot of France. The five-attempt event garners the top award of $7,000, prizing consistency over of a single — possibly lucky — win. More than 250 competitors from 33 countries took part in the event, the first to be held in Hungary — where the game was invented by Erno Rubik in 1974 — since competition began in 1982. Rubik, an engineer who developed several other mechanical games after the cube, made a rare public appearance at the medal ceremony, helping to hand out the main awards. "I'm glad the cube is reaching new generations, who face it with fresh wonder, curiosity and enthusiasm," the game's creator said. Blindfolded contestants attempt to memorize the position of key cubes before covering their eyes. Kuti's best blindfolded time for the 3x3 cube was just over 1 minute, 7 seconds.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deals At Cellphone Stores I ended up going directly to the store when looking for a new cellphone provider. They matched the deal I found online, plus gave me an addition rebate on each phone. They were also able to transfer my existing numbers, something that was not allowed with the online retailers offer. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A redneck had 3 daughters and one day, they all had a date on the same night. He decided to make sure that his daughters would be safe with the guys they were dating, he stayed out on the porch with a shotgun just to intimidate the guys into not trying anything. The first guy came up and said "Hi, My name is Joe, I take it slow, we're goin to a show, gotta go." The redneck thought he was an ok guy, so he let them go. About 5 minutes later, another guy came up and said, "My name is Bill, I live on the hill, we're goin to chill." The redneck thought he was cool, and let him go. About 5 minutes later, another guy came up and said, "My name is Chuck--" *BOOM!*

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: South Texas Butterflies
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 203 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 334 )
Dear Webby: AOL Mail Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 15, 2007


An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear person. --- Joseph Addison
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you." The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down. For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything. Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma' am, may I ask you two questions?" With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!" The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. "Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?" Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!" She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?" Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Connie for this story: My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mayor Dave Heilmann of Oak Lawn, Illinois Cute, but ineffective September 30, 2007 - Oak Lawn, Illinois - AP A big red sign that says "Stop" sometimes isn't enough to get everyone to stop. Maybe a laugh will get their attention. This Chicago suburb has installed second stop signs beneath the regular ones at 50 intersections with messages, including "WHOAAA" or "Stop ... and smell the roses." "I thought it might make people smile and take notice," Mayor Dave Heilmann said as he launched the campaign Friday. "You've got people on their cell phones, their BlackBerries and iPods while driving. Those are all distractions. Hopefully, when they see a sign they're not expecting it might make them stop." The new signs are red octagons, just like the real stop signs, but instead of just "Stop" they say "Stop ... right there pilgrim" and "Stop ... in the naame of love." Naame? Think of the drawn-out pronunciation in the hit by the Supremes. It might be too soon to know whether the alternative signs will work. But while the mayor was posing for a photo with one of the new signs, a driver sped by without stopping. http://www.wral.com/news/strange/story/1876417/ ------------ It never ceases to amaze me to what length politicians go to, to avoid stop sign cameras, that would pay for themselves in a day or two, and wuld save a lot of lives. Last Wednesday my dad got run over right in the middle of a crosswalk by some cellphone using bimbo who blew right through a stop sign, and then took off in a hurry. A camera would have helped to put an end to THAT bad habit. Dad is OK but was limping badly for a few days, and regretting that he had just soft bread in his shoping bag instead of canned or frozen goods. He would have dented that drivers car considerably more than he did. DearWebby

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Walt Re: AOL Problems again? Dear Webby, Received 10/13 copy O.K. This appears to be a spoof.... Walt D'Allaird To: ******@aol.com ( Walt ) From: unsub@webby.com ( Humor Letter @ webby.com ) Reply-to: unsub@webby.com Subject: Your e-mail address had been removed from the "Humor Letter" data base. Dear Walt That's not a spoof, just proof that AOL bounced your subscription and thereby bounced you off the list. The list program has no way of knowing whether you finally graduated from AOL, or if it was a temporary or permanent AOL screw-up. I don't keep hammering away at a dead address and simply hope that you subscribed with a working address. Since my reply to your letter bounced as well, this is the only way to contact you. The same applies to four other subscribers. My replies to you bounced back. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Yes, they do, brave oyster wrestler!"

Deeli's Kudos October 11, 2007 - Washington, US - AFP He sleeps on a bench, but he is king of chess during the day at Washington's Dupont Circle, where he dazzles beginners and masters alike with his winning moves on the park's stone chessboards. Tom Murphy, 49, makes what little money he has from teaching his prodigious knowledge of the game to passersby for a few dollars. "He has the title of expert in chess. This is the second highest American title; above him are master. So it means he is quite good," said Washington's Chess Center director David Mehler. A former math and science major and a celebrity among amateurs, Murphy has made the Dupont Circle public square America's most prestigious chess park after New York's fabled Washington Square, according to some chess lovers. "The mathematical equation has always been fascinating to me, then when you add the camaraderie, the ambiance, the open air, it's almost irresistible," said Murphy, peering over a park chessboard that draws players from all walks of life -- students, doctors, lawyers, drunkards. Murphy has won several chess tournaments and finished 15th in the 2005 world blitz championship. Murphy aims to get better at chess and rise to the title of master. "There is an upcoming tournament on Thanksgiving (November 22) in Philadelphia. That's looking promising," he added. For now, the homeless chess teacher charges 20 to 30 dollars an hour and will match his wits with any rival for two to five dollars per game. "Grand masters are teaching 100 or 200 bucks (dollars) an hour, masters can get at least 50, that's not bad," he said. http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071011/lf ... 1011050233


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Good Time to Buy Pumpkins Right after Halloween is a good time to buy pumpkins at discount prices. Pumpkin can be used in a variety of tasty recipes for soups, cookies, breads or pies. The seeds can be roasted to make a tasty snack. Smaller sugar pumpkins taste better than big jack 'o lantern ones. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn't keep Paul from boasting to Greg about his sexual endurance. "Three times," gasped Greg admiringly. "How'd you do it?" "It was easy." Paul looked down modestly. "I made love to my wife, and then I rolled over and took a ten-minute nap. When I woke up again, I made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put it to her again. Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like a bull, I'll tell you." I gotta try it, said Greg. "Keli won't believe it's happening." So that night he made love to Keli, took a ten-minute nap, made love to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep. He woke up feeling like a million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he found his boss waiting outside for him. "What's up, Boss?" he asked. His boss replied, "You are late, you're fired!" "I've been working for you for twenty years and never been late once. You aren't going to hold these twenty minutes against me now, are you?" Greg pleaded. "What twenty minutes?" growled the boss. "Where were you on Tuesday and Wednesday?

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
GROAN ALERT One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Garden Railroads
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 224 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 178 )
Dear Webby: No pictures in gmail 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 14, 2007


Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken
My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of the evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while stuck behind bars. On the bus, one convict turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail". Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games." The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
**Diary Of A Regular Joe** For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started. They suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my progress: Day 1. Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT! Day 2. Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then, she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth while. Muscles ALL feel GREAT. Day 3. The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse. Day 4. Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine... It sank. Day 5. I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well I have news for you Tanya - I don't HAVE triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage. YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies? Day 6. Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel. Day 7. Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like a gift certificate for a root canal.... Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Arizona Oncology Associates in Tucson, Arizona Forgot the patient September 28, 2007 - Tucson, Arizona - AP A cancer patient says she was left alone in a CT scanner for hours after a technician apparently forget about her, and she finally crawled out of the device, only to find herself locked in the closed clinic. Elvira Tellez of Tucson said she called her son in a panic, and he told her to call 911. Pima County sheriff's deputies arriving at the oncology office had her unlock the office door to let them in, said Deputy Dawn Hanke, a department spokeswoman. The deputies contacted the office manager, who was not aware of the situation. Tellez was taken to a hospital as a precaution, then released early the next day. She and her family said they want an explanation from the medical office, Arizona Oncology Associates, but have yet to receive one. She said the technician did call to apologize the next day. The executive director of Arizona Oncology Associates, Sonya Holm, was in a meeting Friday and not immediately available for comment, her assistant said. The assistant said no one else at the statewide medical practice was authorized to comment. Diagnosed with bone cancer, the 67-year-old Tellez had been sent to the clinic for tests to see if her cancer had spread. By the time deputies found her, it had been five hours since she was placed inside. A physician who works at the practice and knew of the incident told The Arizona Daily Star it's not the first time such a thing has happened. "People have been left in the office after hours, when something like that happens -- it's the same sort of thing," Dr. Steven Ketchel said. http://www.wsbtv.com/health/14228200/detail.html
Thanks to Cookie fro sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: No pictures in gmail Dear Webby, I just switched from corecomm webmail to Gmail. Only problem, the graphics don't come through.Only the semaphone flag as shown above. having fun, Patti Dear Patti The pictures DO come through, it's just that you have them turned off in the quickie-preview. The Web page on-line Quickie preview in gmail is just that, a preview, to sneak a peek at your mail at the cyber cafe at lunch or while away from your main machine. Once back at work or at home, wherever your main machine is, you haul your mail down with Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, whatever. To speed things up at the cybercafe, the sneak preview has the pictures turned off by default. You CAN turn them on easily enough after a bit of hunting around in the options. Gmail is an excellent program, and it is great at what it does, but it is not intended to be the final sorting and filing program. Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, whatever, do that. If you don't bother sorting mail into different boxes and just want to use Gmail as your one and only mail program, spend half an hour customizing it to your liking, and turn the pictures on at the same time. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
On their wedding night, a young couple finally retired to their hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride left the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man. "I'll take care of that," she replied. "You better pray for endurance...."

Deeli's Kudos October 11, 2007 - Altamont Springs, Florida - WFTV A Lake Brantley High School student is credited with helping Altamonte Springs police solve a series of baffling school burglaries. Police arrested 19-year-old Antonio Brinson on Wednesday after investigators said he was caught on a hidden camera stealing from other students in a locker room. He's suspected of stealing several cell phones, an MP3 player and some cash over a few weeks. Another student got fed up and set up his own surveillance camera in the locker room to catch the suspected thief in the act. "We were all happy. One kid said his phone was stolen. I looked in my bag and my phone, MP3 and money were all gone," said Julian Campos, a student victim. The school district didn't comment on whether the student who used the camera was in any kind of trouble, but some students said they hope not because they think he did the right thing. http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/14316393/detail.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creating Quality Home Movies Be sure to keep the camera steady when recording. A tripod makes this easy. When moving the camera, pan as slowly as possible and avoid zooming quickly or too often. Also, make sure to start recording early and stop later to make sure you get every bit of the action. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch. The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed. "Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist. "Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep....?!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." And why not?" "You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Big Gourd
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 179 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 194 )
Dear Webby: No mail to AOL 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 13, 2007


Remember the difference between a boss and a leader: A boss says "Go!" A leader says "Let's go!" --- E.M. Kelly You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well. --- Carrie Fisher
Thanks to Ross for this story: A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond. The Welsh farmer shouted: "Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for." This means: “Don’t drink the water the cows have dumped into it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English." The Welsh farmer says: "Use two hands, they hold more!"
Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..." " "Fred," she answered. "I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?" "Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over." "Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried. "Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Baronet Sir Benjamin Slade, Somerset, England October 7, 2007 - Somerset, UK - Ananova Blue bird An aristocrat claims a peacock caused £4,000 damage to a blue Lexus car - by trying to have sex with it. Baronet Sir Benjamin Slade has put in a claim to insurers to cover the damage to his employee's car, reports the Daily Telegraph. He has also put up warning signs at Maunsel House, in Somerset, after the "peacock blue" Lexus was scratched and dented by the amorous bird. The incident proves the bird is gay, according to Sir Benjamin, because peahens are brown and only males are blue. He says the male damaged the car because it looked like "another peacock boy". "He attacked the panels so hard that the car needs a total respray," he said. "The insurers, Lloyd's of London, are not very happy about it. They've had claims for all sorts of things like lions biting people. "But never have they heard of a peacock sexually attacking a car before." He added: "I've had to ban peacock blue Lexus cars from the car park." Sir Benjamin Slade previously attracted attention when he sent out advertisements seeking an heir for his estate so that he could live in a council (Social Assistance) house instead. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2540164.html?menu=
Thanks to Rita for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Noella Re: AOL Malfunction Dear Webby, I tried forwarding the ezine to Pfs55@aol.com and also to my own aol address. It came back for both addresses. Makes me wonder what else I missed when I was with AOL. Noella Dear Noella Probably a lot. We have a few clients who send in hlep requests with an AOL return address. There is no point wasting much time to figure out their problem, since my reply will bounce anyway. I usually just send a quick token reply to see if their mail works. When I get the bounce, I'm glad I hadn't wasted a lot of time. I can't really get mad at the poor dummies, since they probably suffer from the insane delusion that AOL mail works reliably. Have FUN!
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The physics professor, checking to see how many people had actually read the assignment, asked "What are the two types of light?" The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from the back of the room, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"

Deeli's Kudos October 10, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - CBS A family recovered their mother's lost wedding rings after searching through nearly a thousand bags of trash at a suburban landfill. Susan Myers, 83, of Downingtown, lost the jewelry at Paoli Hospital, where she was taken Sept. 29 after collapsing at her husband's funeral. Her family had removed the rings, a pearl bracelet and a 50th anniversary ring in the emergency room and placed them in a rubber glove tied with a knot. The glove was later misplaced, then mistakenly thrown away. Frantic searches the next day eventually led the family to Frank Dabney, the hospital employee who emptied the trash from Myers' room. He told them their only hope was to search the landfill in Honey Brook where the hospital's trash is taken. "One in a million, is what I told them," Dabney said. "I told them, 'You only got one shot, and it's a long shot, a real long shot.'" Myers' family hired Dabney to help, and on Oct. 2 the group of six spent several hours picking through the garbage. By afternoon, Dabney had found the glove. "I could feel the pearls. I shook it and could hear the rings," Dabney said. That evening, Myers' family gave her back her jewelry. No one told her at the time where it had been, but she knows now. "I believe it was my dad, between heaven and earth, watching over his family, giving us something to work on rather than grieving," said Jeff Myers, one of her sons. "Without him, this miracle never would have happened." http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/10/ ... 6083.shtml


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Saving a Part of Your Budget Make saving a fixed part of your budget. Determine a reasonable amount of money each month and have it automatically deposited into a savings account. It is best if this account is entirely separate so you can "forget" about it until you need it. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the newspaper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives" His wife said, "Why, thank you, dear!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight. He dropped in a coin and eagerly read the results. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely fantastic lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Heroes of the Old West
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 243 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 664 )
Dear Webby: AOL Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 12, 2007

Wear something red today,
to show your support for the troops!


From Great Granny Vi: I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. --- Leo Buscaglia
Thanks to Dianne for this story: My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally, she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"
HOW TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU ARE OLD First, you tell your friend that you are having an affair, * Then your friend asks you.... "Are you having it catered?" * That, my friend, is the definition of OLD!

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
GROAN ALERT Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So, I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left the house, I overheard my daughter saying, "There goes dad again, making fountains out of mole hills." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to SouthWest Airlines Sniveling Stew October 5, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP Southwest Airlines said it will apologize to a passenger who was told he would be removed from a flight if he didn’t change clothes, the second time in recent months the budget carrier has been forced to do so. Joe Winiecki, of Largo, Fla., boarded a Southwest flight in Columbus, Ohio, wearing a fictional fishing shop T-shirt which featured the words, "Master Baiter." Winiecki, who was traveling home, said he was in his seat when an employee told him he had to change his T-shirt, turn it inside out, or get off the plane. Winiecki protested that the airline was infringing on his right to free speech, but changed his shirt fearing he would miss the flight and a day’s work. Southwest spokesman Chris Mainz said Friday the employee made a mistake because the Dallas-based airline does not have a dress code. The airline apologized this summer after a college student wearing a denim miniskirt and a sweater over a tank top was told to change her outfit or get off a flight departing from San Diego. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21151557/

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: AOL Malfunction Dear Webby, A looooooong-time subscriber, I have received only this one humor letter since mid-September. I haven't made any changes to my cookie or security settings, checked my spam folder (you aren't there), and have you listed in my address book, so it should be clear sailing. HELP!!!! ~ Pat Dear Pat Pfs55@aol.com|Pat|humor That shows me that your subscription is being sent to you EVERY night. What is below, shows me that AOL censors your subscription: Subject: Returned mail: see transcript for details Auto-Submitted: auto-generated (failure) The original message was received at Wed, 10 Oct 2007 06:46:40 -0400 from humor@localhost ----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors ----- Pfs55@aol.com (reason: 554-: (HVU:B1) http://postmaster.info.aol.com/errors/554hvub1.html) ----- Transcript of session follows ----- ... while talking to mailin-02.mx.aol.com.: >>> DATA <<< 554-: (HVU:B1) http://postmaster.info.aol.com/errors/554hvub1.html <<< 554 TRANSACTION FAILED 554 5.0.0 Service unavailable Reporting-MTA: dns; webby.com Arrival-Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2007 06:46:40 -0400 Until you get AOL to stop stealing your stuff, there is nothing I can do. PS. MY mail to you bounced back too. Maybe some reader can forward this to you. It might be time to graduate from AOL, or at least get a gmail address on the side. Good Luck! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A lady was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'p-u-t' or 'p-u-t-t'?" she asked the instructor. "'P-u-t-t' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing."

Deeli's Kudos October 8, 2007 - Carrollton Township, Michigan - AP Officer James Kellett knows it's his job to serve and protect - even when it comes to nature's stinky black and white creatures. When a skunk with its head stuck in a salad dressing jar wandered into the Carrollton Township police station's parking lot, he grabbed a pellet gun and shot at the jar from about 40 feet away. The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk's neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off. "I didn't want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," Kellett told The Saginaw News. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray - and do anything else skunks like to do." http://www.macon.com/weird//story/155326.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Your Kid's School Work Create a folder each month and file away school work as your child brings it home. In the summer, you can look at each month and decide what to keep, being sure to date it. This also serves as a great way to view the progress that your child made throughout the school year. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Liz for this story: The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!" His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Etch A Sketch Art
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 325 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1129 )

<<First <Back | 137 | 138 | 139 | 140 | 141 | 142 | 143 | 144 | 145 | 146 | Next> Last>>