Mystery Ad 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 30, 2009

"Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion." --- Charles Kuralt "Defeat doesn't finish a man -- quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits." --- Richard Nixon "There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win." --- Elie Wiesel
When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker.
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "What is it for?" one asked. "I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells you when somebody messed up. When mom when stands on it, she gets more upset than when my sister brings her report card home."
From my office window Nov 29
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert McCray, 37 in Dade City, Florida Deodorant thief goes back to jail DADE CITY — His nickname is Priest and he had a $40 drug debt to pay off. So on Thursday afternoon, Robert McCray — a 37-year-old felon with "Thug Life" tattooed on his chest — headed into a CVS Pharmacy on U.S. 301, according to the Dade City Police Department. He needed something to barter off his debt. Authorities say McCray chose deodorant. He stuffed 19 packages of antiperspirant — $84 worth — inside his jacket and tried to head outside, the police report said. Store employees noticed the stolen sticks and stopped McCray, the report said. They told him to pay for them. He dropped four packages on the ground, the report said, and tried to flee. The employees weren't having it. They tried to hold him. He fought. The employees won and detained him until police officers arrived. McCray told police he took the deodorant to pay back a friend over a drug debt. The report said officers found a crack pipe and small bag of crack cocaine on McCray. A CVS manager declined to talk Friday about what happened, so it is not known whether any employees were hurt. McCray has a swollen, bruised eye in his mug shot. McCray, of 38520 Wilson St. in Dade City, is charged with retail theft, resisting a merchant, possession of crack cocaine and possession of drug paraphernalia. He remained at the Land O'Lakes jail Friday in lieu of $5,450 bail. McCray has previously served six prison sentences for a total of eight years on convictions for drugs, grand theft auto and burglary.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: Mystery Ad Dear Webby who is betty sue and why is the message the same every day? i'm very curious about this. the part on the left that says Dear Bubba All is forgiven. I still love you. Please come back! Ps. Congratulations on your lottery win! Your Betty-Sue Robert Dear Robert hat is just a goofy classified ad, or actually a place holder for one. hat is just a goofy classified ad, or actually a place holder for one.. For just $50 a month, you can put YOUR ad there, for all the world to see. In the spirit of Christmas, I'll reduce that to $40 per month for any subscribers. And if your ad is funny enough, I'll sneak it in free for a day or two, Have FUN! DearWebby
Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety, $1.95 each.." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those new Windows 7 machines ?" Customer: "Yes, it's a 17" !" Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these $29.95 mousepads" Customer: "But, is it Microsoft approved ?" Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe you should better get one of these bue ones for $49.95."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Christmas Wreath for Nothing Find a pine tree with branches close to the ground. Cut enough branches for you to make a wreath. Make a circle base with the branches and then build on with other branches. I used twine to bind the wreath, you can use craft wire or even ribbon. Break out your old Christmas decorations and decorate the wreath any way you like. By Jen from APO, AE Make sure you get the branches from the forest, not from anywhere in town. Dogs use the trees for pee-mail, and more and more schools and public buildings spray their trees with skunk oil, to deter unauthorized harvesting. Also avoid boulevards or any town owned treed areas. You can't smell it until the branches warm up inside the house, but by then apparently it is too late. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?" The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the morning!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Harold and Bob are out in the woods hunting, when Bob falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. Harold whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend looks like he's dead! What can I do?" The police operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help... First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard... Harold then says, "OK, now what next...?"

» Hubcap Cafe
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Best free graphics program 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 29, 2009

Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. --- Albert Camus "Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?" --- Frank Scully A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. --- Unknown
It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman hits a boombox!
"Hey Bubba, what do you think about gun control?" "A delicate lil woman like you, yall have to use both hands, Betty-Sue"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: A Monarch on November 28 !
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Walker, 19, from Birmingham, England Robbery across the street from home Hapless crook Christopher Walker stole £25,000 before fleeing to his nearby home. Walker was was seen running into his own property opposite the bank after attacking the guard with a stick outside Lloyds Bank in Birmingham's Lea Village. Birmingham Crown Court heard it was an incompetent spur of the moment robbery. Walker, 19, from Birmingham, was jailed for two and a half years after admitting robbery on October 22. "What makes this so serious is the significant amount of money involved, the use of a disguise and the use of a weapon to hit a security guard who is entitled to go about his work without fear of attack," said Her Honour Judge De Bertodano. The court heard how Walker was caught by police within minutes because he was seen running into his home after attacking the cash-in-transit security guard with a stick. He had just been made redundant from his job as a council grass cutter and was short of cash. Walker covered his face with a T-shirt, before picking up a stick, which he used to strike the back of the guards knee from behind. All of the cash was recovered from the loft space of Walkers next door neighbour which adjoined his house.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alissa Re: Best free graphics program Dear Webby You mentioned that there are a lot of free graphics programs available on the net. At the time I thought, that was rather lazy, but was too busy to write then. So I am telling you now, That was LAZY! I need a free graphics program for an adult continuing education program. What is the best among all the free ones? By the way, it has to be able to run on older machines. Alissa Dear Alissa The best of the free ones is definitely GIMP. You will find it every bit as good and powerful as the $700-$1,000 Photoshop program, All the options in it are a bit overwhelming, and I would definitely advise to step through the tutorials. It is not as easy to use as Paint Shop Pro, but there are tons of tutorials available. There are entire web sites dedicated to just GIMP tutorials: http://gimp-tutorials.net/ http://www.gimp-tutorials.com/ http://www.gimpguru.org/Tutorials/ You can download GIMP from http://www.gimp.org/downloads/ Unlike Photoshop and PaintShop Pro, the stars amongst the for sale programs, GIMP runs fine on Windows, Linux and Mac, even on older machines, and you don't have to learn a new program just because of switching Operating Systems.. Have FUN! DearWebby
My home church welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Gift Wrap Under The Bed I use an under the bed storage box for organizing my gift wrapping. Along with all the wrapping paper (including some I have recycled). I keep scissors and cellophane tape, ribbons, sticky labels and card tags along with birthday cards and a few left over Christmas cards. By Monique from Somerset, U.K If you don't have wheels on your under the bed storage drawer, or if they are too small for the type of carpet that you got, pick up some of the "Crazy Carpet" plastic sheets that the kids leave lying around, or buy some. They are cheap. Attach the sheets to the bottom of the drawer with little brads or picture frame nails. Even the heaviest drawer will slide on carpet as if it had ball bearing drawer rails. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?" The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready." Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that schmuck would've tried that stuff with me!' "

» Arctic ice
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How do you clean Norton off a machine? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 28, 2009
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up,
but a comedy in long-shot."
--- Charlie Chaplin

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans."
--- John Lennon

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you
esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than
in bad company."
--- George Washington


A salesman from New York traveling in Kansas left his snazzy rental car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over he checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents. He went to the local garage and inquired how he could fix the problem himself. The mechanic told him to blow on the tailpipe and the dents would pop out again. He took the car to the motel where he was staying, parked it and proceeded to blow on the tailpipe. A local came by and inquired what he was doing. He explained that he was blowing on the tailpipe to remove the dents. The local responded, "That's not gonna to work, not unless you roll up the windows real tight first."
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and shovel for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock", the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering whack with the shovel. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two fourty five in the morning!"
He loved working on Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the streets of lower Manhattan. So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safely on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?' "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Ford, 35, in Twinsburg, Ohio Habitual burglar caught himself, again TWINSBURG, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said they have video footage of a bank robbery suspect eating the note he allegedly used to demand money from a teller. Twinsburg police said a dashboard mounted camera on a police cruiser recorded John Ford, 35, eating a piece of paper while officers searched his clothing for weapons Thursday, the Akron (Ohio) Beacon-Journal reported. "He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman," Patrolman Daniel Biada said. "He just ate it right there." Police said they discovered a .38-caliber pistol and an undisclosed amount of cash covered in red ink inside Ford's vehicle. Authorities said Ford walked into a FirstMerit branch in Streetsboro Thursday and handed a teller a note demanding money. He did not display the gun inside the bank, police said. Police said they were investigating whether Ford was connected to bank robberies in nearby Stow and Akron. Eating the note is tampering with evidence and usually adds a year of free room and board in jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: How do you clean Norton off a machine? Dear webby: My daughter has a computer with Norton on it. And its out of date now. I was telling her she could get red of Norton for good. But I can't remember what to do anymore. And here's a big one for you. my daughter and drand daughter are taking some classes on line. but they need Microsoft Office. they both have windows 7 now. all new computers comes with Vista. and 7 in them.... ok my question is sence i still have microsoft office. on about 30 3.5" disk's can she use them? if not what do you sugest they use? Rheta Dear Rheta Go to my Tool Box. and grab the Norton Remover. It's way down, just above the IE7 blocker. The smart people can still get XP computers. Just go in through the Business entrance. XP computers are not subsidized by Microsoft, and so, even though they are older, cost more than the subsidized Windows 7 computers. But to slow down the migration of Industry and Commerce to Linux, they ARE still available. Your old Microsoft Office can not be installed on those W7 machines, partly because it is a paid for program and licensed for only one machine, and partly because they don't have 3 1/2" floppy drives. Tell them they can use Open Office. It is free, and it can open MS Word and other MS files, and even save them back into that format, not just the Open Standard, that is used by Industry and Commerce. Industry and commerce are not silly enough to pay for Microsoft Office, when they can get a better Office program for free. There is a link to it in my Tool Box. Have FUN! DearWebby
An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and asked for the price of their toilet paper. The company wrote back telling him to look on page #346 of their catalog. He wrote another letter to the company that said: "If you had not stopped sending me catalogs, I would not need any toilet paper."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

had been misbehaving and was sent to bed. After a while emerged and informed mother that had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you about your misbehaving, He will help you." "Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said . "I asked Him to help me not to get caught quite so much."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

» Cool Pictures
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What is the difference between a virus and a worm? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 27, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is paranoid and the other one is out to get him. --- Socratex "Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea." --John Ciardi "Modern Art" ? Isn't that an oxymoron like "Dry Water", which, according to people in the military is like "Military Intelligence" ? "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." --Mark Twain
A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Spot, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd think it was my birthday and Aunt Edna was here!"
Mother: "How's your history paper coming?" Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research and it's been very helpful." Mother: "Really?" Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell history papers on that topic!"
A lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. While she was waiting for her date, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
Thanks to Frank for this pretty angel. He wants you to pass her on!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Randy Eugene Cliett in Haines City, Florida Habitual burglar caught himself, again Randy Eugent Cliett was extracted from the ventilation system at the supermarket in Haines City this morning — five years after he was convicted of breaking into the same business. Screams coming from the roof of La Placita Mexico Supermarket early Tuesday meant Randy Eugene Cliett got stuck in another jam at the popular Polk County grocery. A veteran Polk County burglar, Cliett spent Monday night trapped in a rooftop air shaft at the same 10th Street market where he got busted for burglary in 2004, according to acting Haines City Pollice Chief Chief Sammy L. Taylor. "He really had no concept of time. He wasn't sure when it happened," Taylor said. Convicted on 14 of his 16 arrests for burglary, drugs and domestic violence since 1990, Cliett finished serving his fifth stretch in state prison less than two months ago. That five-year sentence was for breaking into the same supermarket at which he was discovered Tuesday, police, court and prison records show. The first officers to reach the roof found Cliett wedged feet first inside the narrow air shaft with his arms above his head. Haines City firefighter grabbed his hands and pulled him to the roof, Taylor said. Police charged him with burglary of an unoccupied structure, causing more than $1,000 of damage, possession of burglary tools and felony criminal mischief. Cliett was booked into the Polk County Jail, again..
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: What is the difference between a virus and a worm? Dear Webby, Thanks for the nice Thanksgivng pumpkin & the beautiful fall treee. All of our leaves are gone now. they came early & were gone early too. I was wondering what the difference is between adware, malware & worms. Are any of them seroious threats? I have the free avast program & several times is sends up a block say something has been blocked. I think some of them are "worms". Also I have the free power point program downloaded but don't remember where I got it & a friend asked me about it. Do you know the site I can tell her about to get it? Thanks so much for you fun & tips. Dear Sharon The border between viruses and worms is a bit murky these days. Generally, viruses focus on spreading to other machines, while worms focus on gaining control of your machine, harvesting data, and using your machine for spamming. Adware just pesters you with ads, but frequently also infects your computer with a virus or worm. However, nowadays both viruses and worms try to open a back door for hackers or nasty programs or add-ons to the initial infection. All malicious stuff like that is malware. Programs like McAfee make no distinction between viruses and worms, when it comes to protecting a machine. They nuke them all. Just when you try to read the detailed description they call them by their proper names. They also clip adware and spyware, unless you clicked to accept ads in lieu of payment. In that case, they can't legally cut off a form of payment that you had agreed to. The free PowerPoint viewer that I use is the one in Open Office. It works great for harvesting individual pictures from a huge, bulky PPS or PPT file. Have FUN! DearWebby
A preacher wanted to mail a letter home when he arrived in this small town where he was to to preach a sermon. He asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, he thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven." "Huh! the boy huffed, "You don't even know your way to the post office."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils As I get out the dishes for the holiday dinners, I also take out the serving bowls and utensils I will need. I put a little note in each bowl (i.e. cranberries, stuffing. etc.) so when I am serving up food I don't have to fumble around finding the right size bowl at the last minute. By Linda from Vista ,CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat, leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid asked him, "Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?" The cowboy replied, "Well, son, the big hat protects me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it protects me then, too." "Why do you wear that leather vest?" "It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has pockets where I can keep my cigarettes and matches." "Well, why do you wear leather chaps?" "They protect my legs when I'm riding my horse through rough bushes." "Well, Mr. Cowboy," the kid finally asked, "Why do you wear sneakers instead of cowboy boots ?" "That's so people won't think I'm a truck driver."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No". Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman". Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman"? "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?, asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper in the sandbox!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"? Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me."

» Crockpot cooking
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How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 26, 2009


"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." --- Harriet Braiker "Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on." --- Ed Howe Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back towards house. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs.Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floatin' away from the house, den back again?" Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husband; I tole dat coonass he gonna cut the grass today, come hell or high water, or he's gonna sleep on da couch!"
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter havet you never seen a little boy before?"
Large
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Islington Town Hall in North London, England No Civil Union for straights To ensure that they are not misquoted, the London Metro newspaper's online version is100% graphics, without any editable text.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Grace Re: How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV? Dear Webby, I was wondering if you can tell me what format I should use to get a cd to play pictures on the Tv from a burned disc. I have spent so many hours doing slide shows and videos of my grand kids only to find out they are not in the right format to put in the dvd player and then not work. I have used a DVD-R and a CD-R, and about 3 different programs with no luck. Can you tell me how to do it or what program I need? Thanks Grace Dear Grace I don't have a TV, so I really don't have any first hand knowledge about that. Some people say that Nero works for that, others say Socusoft DVD Photo Slide Show. That one is at http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/slid ... layer.html or http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/download.html Have FUN! DearWebby
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but definitely not the same ones."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Turkey Bones for Soup Think you've got your turkey pretty well stripped? Think again. After all that turkey tetrazini, turkey hash, turkey salad, etc, try turkey soup. Toss all the turkey bones into a large pot. Cover the bones with water, add seasonings to taste, and simmer two hours. While the bones are simmering, peel carrots, celery and whatever other veggies you like. Add these to the pot. Cook an additional hour to hour and a half. If desired, add a half pound of egg noodles near the end of the cooking time. Once the noodles are cooked according to the time specified on the package, remove the bones (carefully, so you don't burn yourself). Your turkey soup is ready to enjoy. By Lelia Jo from Springfield, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer frantically struggling to load hay back onto a cart from where it had fallen off. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand." "No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!" "Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh, No! I can't." the first replied, "I need to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

» Antelope Canyon
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Can I make an install CD from an installed game? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 25, 2009


"Always listen to the experts. They'll tell you what can'tbe done and why. Then do it." --- Robert Heinlein
Thanks to Bill for this story: Big Jake was having his long hair styled at the hairdressers when a bus smashed into a car, outside. Draped in a cape, his hair divided with aluminium clips, Jake, an ex-paratrooper corporal raced out to the bus and found the driver unhurt. The car driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, unconscious. Big Jake lost no time in applying his army acquired CPR techniques, including mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The car driver recovered consciousness several times, but kept passing out again. Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took over, and Jake returned to his hairdresser's seat. "I just don't understand why he kept passing out," he said to the hairdresser. "I did everything they taught me." "Well, put yourself in the car driver's place," said the hairdresser. "He's driving down the street without a care in the world. The next thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy in a green cape, weird hair, with a head full of wires, pounding on his chest and kissing him. You'd pass out too."
A young woman doctor tells the story about her 4 year old daughter. On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Wowcome to McDonnahs. Do ya want fwies wif that?"
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday? STUDENT: Seven. TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday? STUDENT: Nine. TEACHER: That's impossible. STUDENT: No, it ain't, Teacher. I'm eight today. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George! TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLY: Me! TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have 10 feet. TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? JOSE: Don't bite any. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? : BIG hands!
Thanks to Robert for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adam Garland and Michael Queener at the at the Turney Center prison in Tennessee Inmates Escape, Steal Cigarettes, Return CLIFTON, Tenn. -- The state Department of Correction said two inmates escaped a minimum security prison in southwest middle Tennessee on Nov. 7 to steal cigarettes before returning, WSMV-TV in Nashville reported. Adam Garland and Michael Queener are accused of escaping through a window in their cell at the Turney Center Annex and crawling under a fence. While out, the men stole cigarettes and tobacco products from a convenience store before returning to the prison by going back through the window that they had escaped from, officials at the corrections department said. Officers later discovered the contraband, and an investigation began. Queener was serving a 10-year sentence for aggravated robbery. Garland was serving a five-year sentence for attempted aggravated burglary and theft. The men will now face escape and burglary charges, and minimum security days are over for them.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Moo Mom Re: Can I make an install CD from an installed game? Dear Webby, I was wondering if it would be possible to some how copy a game and all that goes with it that was installed in a friends computer from a game cd or disc , what ever you call them into mine, they no longer have the original cd for me to install the game. can it some how be copied to a blank cd and then installed in mine.? Thanks a lot ... Moo Mom Dear Moo Mom Usually that is impossible. If that was possible, they would sell only ONE CD, and everybody would copy it from the machine it was installed on. They couldn't pay their rent in that case. Look for that game on eBay. There are bound to be some people who have outgrown it and are selling the CD cheaply. Have FUN! DearWebby
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baked-on Food I find the best way to remove any baked on or burned residue in pans or casseroles, or burner rings is to sprinkle on some dry dishwasher detergent, cover with hot tap water and allow to sit overnight. In the morning, it will come off with a wipe of the sponge. I haven't found any other method that works without scrubbing. By TwoDogsMom from Vista CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lawyer dies on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!!!" "Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer. "Congratulations for what?!?!?" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 760 years old." "But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I was shot on my 40th birthday!." "That's impossible," says Saint Peter. "We've added up the time you billed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the bill." So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."

» Awesome photo gallery
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How do I restore from an emergency back-up? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 24, 2009


"Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true." --- Polish Proverb "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." --- Tom Clancy
Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence with a direct object. Little Johnny stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, I think you have lost weight." "Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied....
"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But my son has his own TV, phone, computer and DVD player. "So what do you do?" asked his friend. "I send him to MY room!"
The lawyer emailed his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Do you want us to order burial or cremation ?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both, but not in that order."
Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 17 year old bank robber in Warwick, RI RI teen skipped school, robbed bank WARWICK, R.I. (AP) - Police say a 17-year-old Warwick boy who skipped school to rob a bank has been arrested after leaving fingerprints on the threatening note he passed to the teller. Warwick police Capt. Sean Collins said the boy handed a note riddled with misspellings to a teller Thursday, demanding money or "everyone will be shot." The teller at Coastway Community Bank gave the teen money, but he didn't have much time to spend it. Police said his image was captured on surveillance cameras, and his fingerprints were found on the note. Police said the teen was arrested six hours after the alleged theft and faces a first degree robbery charge. The teen, whom police declined to identify because he's a juvenile, was being held at the Rhode Island Training School.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harlin Re: How do I restore from an emergency back-up? Dear Webby, I have been reading your emails daily and have found the information very helpful. I have a problem with my computer and just wondered if you would not mind helping me out. I really enjoy your emails - keep up the good work. I did an emergency backup and the information was stored in the D drive. I am unable to retrieve the information because the folder is locked. How do I get the information out of the drive and put back into the proper folders. Thank you for any help you can give me. Harlin Dear Harlin That sounds like you may have used one of the many back-up programs that compress and encrypt the files and then lock them, so that nobody else can use them. For privacy protection, that is definitely a good idea, but it can be a nuisance for retrieval. You need the exact program, that you used to make that back-up, to unlock, decrypt, and expand the files. Without that program, the back-up is just wasted space. Not all, but most of those programs allow you to restore just selected files, but some default to a complete, everything or nothing, restore. You got to be very calm, cool and focused when you do the restore, so that you don't accidentally overwrite files that you have updated in the meantime. In some cases, it is bet to rename those or copy them to a different location, so that they won't get overwritten by the restore. Have FUN! DearWebby
Michael strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to a Mrs. Rogers." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" Michael says, "Since he found out that the birth control pills that you prescribed for me did nothing about my hemorrhoids, and the salve you prescribed for Mrs Rogers did not stop her from getting pregnant."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Oven Heat to Warm Your House After using your oven in the winter, turn it off and leave the door open so the leftover heat can spread into your home. Of course you need to keep small children away until it cools, but when it comes to conserving energy and money every little bit sure adds up. By Patricia from Imperial, NE Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Norrissa was nervous the night her new boyfriend invited her and her three young sons to an upscale restaurant for the first time. He ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the server brought it, the children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When the waitress poured a small amount for Norissa to taste and handed her the glass, her six-year-old piped up, "Mom can drink a LOT more than that! Give her the bottle!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Aaron bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for their Anniversary. His friend Benny remarked: "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive cars." "She did," Aaron replied. "But where in the world was I going to find a fake Jeep ?!!"

» Great Books
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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MSN blocking subscriptions 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 23, 2009


"I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly." --- Brad Stine It is hard to say whether the doctors of laws or the doctors of divinity have made the greater advances in the lucrative business of mystery. --- Samuel Goldwyn
The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the Duke Of Edinbourgh over for a cup of tea. The conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!" So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling fart, with a smell that brought tears to everybody's eyes and blistered the paint ... let's just say it was awesome.. The Queen turned a bit red and said, "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!" "Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had thought it was the horse!"
Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing? Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful liquid in the world." The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water on your forehead every day, bad thoughts will pass away." Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is TURPENTINE! If you put this on a cat's butt, he'll pass a Harley!
was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work." looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
Thanks to Dave for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dopey Pennsylvanian couple Woman smuggled drugs to Pa. inmate with kiss Nov 20, 3:12 PM (ET) MERCER, Pa. (AP) - A western Pennsylvania woman has been ordered to stand trial on charges she passed a drug-filled balloon to a state prison inmate while kissing him. State police said guards at the State Correctional Institution-Mercer became suspicious when an inmate appeared to swallow something after a prolonged kiss with a visitor on Oct. 19. When the inmate wouldn't tell guards what he swallowed, they put him in a cell where they could monitor his bathroom visits and found a balloon filled with marijuana three days later. Police charged the inmate, and the woman with conspiracy to smuggle contraband and other charges. Both are 41 years old. A district judge ordered them to stand trial at a hearing on Monday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beverly Re: Can't unsubscribe or subscribe Dear Webby still messing with this......can't unsubscribe as i'm not in the list data base. go figure. can't you just bypass your system and sign me up by hand??? if i can get a letter from you, should get the humor letter... if it is being sent. I can ...and have ..subscribe,but never get the confirmation letter so guess i just get dumped out of your system., like must have happened a month or so ago. BEVERLY Dear Beverly You probably unsubscribed and tried to re-subscribe when MSN started censoring your subscription. Currently you are in the confirmation waiting list. Until you confirm, and thereby prove that MSN is not censoring mail from humor@webby.com, there is no point sending your subscription just to be censored and murdered by the Taliban. You can try whitelisting humor@webby.com, and try subscribing again when the current confirmation request times out. It keeps trying for 72 hours. In the long run, though, your best bet would be to get a respectable and reliable address. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example: USA uses USS which means "United States Ship." The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship." and now...Italy is using AMB which apparently means "At's-a My Boat!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Winter Tip: Keep Clean, Dry Socks Handy Keep a clean pair of dry socks under the seat of your car, in your bag or in a coat pocket in case you get your feet wet! You'll thank yourself for this thoughtfulness especially if you have to spend an entire day with cold wet feet and catch a cold due to it! By Melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is five times better than yours!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."

» A place between us
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Pictures too big in Outlook Express 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 22, 2009


"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." --- John F. Kennedy People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. --- Leo J. Burke For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. --- Gloria Borger
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with money."
The following ad appeared in a newspaper. Single Black Female Seeks Male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. Good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods. Riding in your pickup truck.Hunting, Camping, Fishing trips. Cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy. (The phone number was the Dog Pound and Daisy was an eight week old Black Labrador Retriever.)
A 16-year old comes home and says "Dad, I just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, keep the yard trimmed, and cut your hair. Come back when you've done all of that." Well, a month passes and the son approaches his dad, report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "But, son, you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, Dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're right. He never got to drive either."
Thanks to Donnie for this picture: A Mississippi Fox Squirrel
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Russell Spade, 41, of Redding, California Fugitive Imposter Two men were arrested Monday night - including one man who police say pretended to be a fugitive - after an hourlong chase that took officers through the streets and backyards of a south Redding neighborhood. Redding police were called about 9:20 p.m. to a report of two men trying to break into Northern California Recycling on Clear Creek Road, police Sgt. Mike Thomas said. When an officer spotted the two men, one ran away, while the second remained at the scene, police Sgt. Steve Moravec said. At least six officers, a helicopter and a police dog were called to the area to find the fleeing man, Thomas said. During the chase through the Westwood neighborhood off Highway 273, a resident apparently heard on an emergency radio scanner that police were looking for a man wearing khaki pants and a San Francisco 49ers sweatshirt. Moravec said the man wondered if police would notice him if he went outdoors wearing the clothing of the suspect they were searching for. "Well, we noticed him," Moravec said. Russell Spade, 41, of Redding was arrested on suspicion of obstructing and delaying a police officer, Moravec said. He does not face charges in connection with the alleged burglary because, other than his clothing, he didn't fit the description of the suspect, Moravec said. However, they most definitely have HIS number now. Police also arrested Matthew Padel, 23, of Redding on suspicion of prowling and possessing a dangerous drug, in this case methamphetamine, Moravec said. Police called off the search for the second man about 10:20 p.m., Thomas said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Pictures too big in Outlook Express Dear Webby I know you do not usually deal with Out Look Express but I have used it for years with good success. Maybe you know why when I send a picture it fills more than the whole screen. Is there a setting to change this and make the pics smaller? You have answered my questions since 1998 so you might know this one. Thanks. RON P Dear Ron I am not familiar with OE, but the picture should be resized before embedding it into ANY email program. OE does have a setting that automatically squishes pictures if you attach them, instead of embedding them, but it uses a lossy compression that can not be reversed. You might be able to find that setting, if you look in the OE help. Best is to use any graphics program to crop or resize the pictures beforehand, like I do with the Humor Letter. Personally, I have used Paint Shop Pro for about 20 years, but any graphics program will do. There are a dozens of free ones on the net, that are plenty good enough for resizing. Have FUN! DearWebby
.A man walks into an animal hospital with a gigantic parrot and asks to have the bird's beak and talons and wings trimmed. The owner warns the veterinarian's assistant that the bird dislikes these procedures and is apt to bite. The assistant puts on thick gloves and cautiously opens the cage. The parrot steps out, then looks at the wary assistant. "Don't worry," the parrot squawks. "I probably won't hurt you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Your Free Credit Report Every Year Get a free credit report yearly and check it carefully. The 3-4 credit bureaus allow you one free credit report a year. We were surprised to find a problem on ours that we did not know about. Home owners insurance premiums can be affected by your credit rating even if they are paid through your mortgage. By Kim from Franklin Park, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It may still be winter where you are, but in Australia it's the season of the big spring mosquitos. The other evening, a man walked out into his yard and two mosquitos picked him up. As they lifted him, one says to the other, "Let's take him down by the lake and have a picnic." The other one said, "No way ! If we carry him down there, the big mosquitos will take him away from us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a guy with his name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "Graduated in 1955." "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"

» Edwards AFB
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Vista not able to handle video on Skype 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 21, 2009


"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." --- Judith Martin
Thanks to Donny for this: WE are in trouble... The population of this country is 300 million. 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work. Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 20 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work. Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are, Sitting on your ass, At your computer, reading jokes!
"You seem to have more than average intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "The nurse told me that I will be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don't see why not," replies the doctor. "Hmmm, then I better start learning to read sheet music!"
Yukon memories!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kiara Medlock, 10, Ozark, Arkansas Teen assaults cop and needed to be tasered NOVEMBER 18--An Arkansas cop tasered an unruly 10-year-old girl after her mother called police to report that the child was crying, screaming, and refusing to go to bed. The tased girl, According to the Ozark Police Department report, when Officer Dustin Bradshaw arrived at the residence last Thursday, he found the girl "screaming, kicking, and resisting every time her mother tried to touch her." Bradshaw added that, "Her mother told me to tase her if I needed to." After Kiara continued to refuse her mother's instructions, the cop concluded that "there was not going to be a peaceful resolution of the issue." Bradshaw warned the girl that she was "going to jail," but the brat continued kicking and crying and resisted his attempt to handcuff her. During the fight, Kiara "struck me with her legs and feet in the groin, reported Bradshaw, who countered with a brief "stun to her back" with his Taser. The child, not surprisingly, "stopped resisting and was placed into handcuffs. However, she refused to walk on her own and I had to carry her to my police car." Kiara was then transported to a youth shelter. ------------ Sounds like that brat will need to get tased a few more times before she starts acting her age.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Di Re: Vista not able to handle video on Skype Dear Webby Hi Webby: Since you are talking Skype - I have a question about using it for my webcam. I have been talking to my granddaughter in NC and I am in FL. I see and hear her fine for a few minutes, then my screen freezes the image of her, although we can still hear each other. She can still see me just fine. When we call each other back - it is fine again for a few minutes and then the same thing happens again. I am using a regular laptop with 3G of ram and she is using a mini notebook with the maximum ram required. Do you have any ideas, so I can start troubleshooting? Is it her problem or mine? I am running Vista and my hard drive is almost full. Thanks, Di Dear Di Well, that would 'splain things. Upgrading to XP would most definitely help. If you don't want to do that, add the 4th GB of RAM that Vista needs, get an external USB hard drive or second internal hard drive give the C: drive about 40% free space increase the virtual memory to at least twice the amount of RAM run DisKeeper to defrag and optimize your hard drives. That won't make it as fast and reliable as XP, but programs won't get stuck or partially stuck as often. Another solution is to buy an old XP machine ( with the XP CD ! ) at a yard sale, format and re-install XP, and use that for your communications and anything that requires speed and power. Have FUN! DearWebby
I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "they're for my girlfriend". The little 5 year old said, again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a LOT of them, too! Man, you really must have f****d up!" Her mother turned as red as the roses, but all the other passengers bust a gut laughing.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Subtract Savings First It seems the more I made the more I spent, until I decided to try a special way to save money. Each month, when I get paid, I subtract an amount of money that I am going to try to save. Once it is subtracted in my register, it seems like it is not there but it really is should a serious emergency arise. I try to make it an amount that is pushing my saving limit. At the end of the month, I have to decide what to do with it. I either save it or purchase something that is really needed, such as tires. In times past, I would just go out and charge tires on my credit card and hope that I could pay it off at the end of the month. This way, with a little patience, I will have the money in hand before I buy tires. By Paula from GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back. When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked her what had happened. She said, "Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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The Burgess Hill Town Council in the UK, in response to a worker's complaint that sunlight coming through the window caused a glare on her computer screen, has already had three meetings, six months of discussion, contact with several contractors, produced a six page report, worked up five potential alternatives, their favorite being the spending of up to $10,000 to put computer controlled screens on the outside of the window or coat the window with reflective film, but whose Town Clerk solved the problem by moving the desk away from the window, but had forgotten to tell them.

» Wildlife Photos
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Does Skype work for phone calls? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 20, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!"

"Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest of your life." --- Chinese Proverb
Two Venusians are walking down the street. One Venusian finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again. Puzzled, she says to the other one, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says the other Venusian. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you silly! It's me!!"
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of them automatically said, "Hello, Father." The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's no father, you dummy," said the second youth, "He's married and got three kids!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, of Marion, Iowa Mail Carrier found Drunk, Inside a Residence By Becky Ogann Story Updated: Nov 17, 2009 at 2:40 PM CST MARION — Police arrested a mail carrier after she was found drunk inside a residence while on the job in Marion earlier this month, authorities said Tuesday. Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, of Marion, was charged with public intoxication Nov. 3 after she was found sitting on the kitchen floor of a house at 260 Sixth Avenue, eating leftover noodles from Marie O’Kelly’s refrigerator. Marion police Lt. Steve Etzel said Pflughaupt entered the home through an unlocked front door. She apparently was intoxicated when she was dropped off to complete her route, he said. “She was in uniform and had mail and a mail-carrying bag with her,” Etzel said. O’Kelly, 95, said she was watching TV in another room when she heard a noise. She thought her daughter had arrived, but became suspicious when no one came to greet her. When she went to check, O’Kelly said she found Pflughaupt sitting on her kitchen floor. She was using her hands to eat leftover noodles, and they were running down Pflughaupt’s shirt. O’Kelly didn’t recognize her as the mail carrier. “I said, ‘What are you doing here?’ and she didn’t answer me,” O’Kelly said. “She just kept eating those noodles.” Police and firefighters arrived around 4:45 p.m. and Pflughaupt was arrested. Preliminary breath tests showed her blood alcohol content to be .281, police said. Pflughaupt, a 17-year employee of the U.S. Postal Service, was taken to the Linn County Jail. Marion Postmaster Rick Leyendecker said Pflughaupt is currently on unpaid leave. The incident happened his second day as Postmaster. Any disciplinary action will be determined after police finish their criminal investigation, Leyendecker said. “I just have to let the investigation run its course,” Leyendecker said. O’Kelly said she was shook up, but was not injured in the incident. “It was a shocker, is what it was,” O’Kelly said. According to online court records, Pflughaupt has three convictions for operating while intoxicated, including one just three months ago. Her prison sentence was suspended in that incident.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Adrianne Re: Skype on dial-up Dear Webby I know you mentioned Skype many times over the last ten years that I have been subcribed. My granddaughter wants me to install it so that we can talk to her and her mother, but I have only slow dial-up. Would it still work? And can you really call regular phones with it? Adrianne Dear Adrianne Yes, sure. The voice quality on dial-up is of course not as good as on a high speed connection, but still a bit better than landline or cell phone. When my DSL is down, like it was the second half of October, I use dial-up, and still call my dad over in Europe every night, when it is his breakfast time. I have not missed a night since I got Skype, except in April, when he comes over here to travel around the deserts with me. And yes, you definitely can call regular phones and cell phones with Skype. The voice quality of course is limited by the phone, that the other side uses. Calling a regular phone is about a penny per minute anywhere in the world. Calling another skype user is totally free. Have FUN! DearWebby
For all of you who have emailed me when my spelling is wrong: Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye ! kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a we! igh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rarely ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect in it's weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Egg Shells for Planting in Spring When using eggs in my cooking, I try to break the shells near one end. The smaller piece of broken shell goes into the compost bowl, the larger part of the shell I put back into the empty egg carton and save for spring when I fill the shells with soil and start my seedlings in them. They are lightweight and easy to move around. When the plants have developed roots and are ready to transplant into the ground you just lift them shell and all and plant them in the garden. The egg shell will fertilize and nourish the plant. It will be off to a good start! By Deborah from Terre Hill, PA If you have a choice of eggs, that come in paper-machee trays or boxes instead of plastic, those trays work very well too for sprouting, and compost cleanly after you cut them into mini pots and plant them. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The most remarkable thing about Ernie's mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"I'm so worried," the nervous patient said as the nurse plumped up his pillows. "Last week, I read about a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble and he died of malaria." "Relax" the nurse said, smiling. "This is a first-rate hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, he dies of heart trouble."

» Scenic nature
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Filtering auto-replies 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 19, 2009

"Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language." --- Gail Godwin When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane. --- Hermann Hesse
The drunk was brought into night court, having been picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night prowler. "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge sternly queried. "I was going to a lecture." "A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful. "Oh, schure," said the drunk. "Schometimes my wife schtarts 'em even later than that."
New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I take a check from you ? I don't even know you !"
was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when the CEO was standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said. turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: I climbed that mountain, the Zimba, half a dozen times as a teen and have many fond memories. Nowadays, that cute trackmobile in the foreground looks like almost more fun.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Holyoak, 33, of Whitefield, Manchester, England Too distinctive looking for crime A big-eared bank raider nicknamed Shrek is behind bars today after being warned he is 'too ugly' to commit crime. Unfortunate David Holyoak, 33, has rather distinctive looks and his features make it easy for police to get his description and locate him. As Holyoak, of Whitefield, Manchester, began a three-and-a-half year jail sentence for robbery yesterday, one officer said: 'This man only needs to look at himself in the mirror to realise crime is not for him. 'With his big ears and rotund features he stands out a mile, and the officers have no trouble spotting him. He must be a total liability when he is part of a gang. 'He has already been dubbed Shrek and must be one of the ugliest robbers in the country.' Holyoak was part of a gang who robbed a Halifax bank near Preston and threatened the cashier with a sledgehammer. They smashed a glass security window, climbed the counter and stole cash. But it was elementary for police to identify Holyoak as one of the robbers, after they got a clear eyewitness description of him ... and his ears. However, before they arrested him, Holyoak struck again when a security guard delivered cash to a post office in Bury. As the guard walked in, a car pulled up outside and Holyoak and his accomplices got out, carrying a weapon and wearing masks. The driver of a police surveillance car, following the armoured van, saw the men run inside and radioed the guard to warn him of their attack. The robbers stole the cash box and ran to a getaway car. It roared out of a side street but ploughed straight into a tree. The robbers leapt out and fled but Holyoak, and two accomplices, were found hiding in a garden. Holyoak, described as a 'dangerous individual,' pleaded guilty at Bolton Crown Court with three others to robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Filter autoresponders Dear Webby I am sick and tired of people using autoresponders to tell me that they have received my mail but won't answer it until whatever. When I reply to somebody, I do it from my home computer, and I know the silly dingbats won't be in their office to abuse their company computer until the next morning, so I definitely don't need their driveling autoresponder telling me that, and pretending to be legitimate mail. I can't block the sender addresses, because I do have to correspond with them. I am sure you get a ton of the same crap when the Dear Webby Humor Letter arrives at night. How do you deal with that? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Yes, I too get a lot of that, but I never see it. MailWasher deletes that on the server, unseen by anybody. To filter that type of stuff I made a filter for that many years ago. If the entire header contains RegExpr"automatic|auto-reply|out of the office" then automatically (without warning or notification) delete the message. This filter takes priority over the friends list. If you select contains RegExpr, you can add a whole bunch of trigger words or phrases, separated by a pipe | Instead of murdering those emails unseen in the dark on the server, you can initially just tell it to mark them for deleting, while you fine tune your filter. Have FUN! DearWebby
Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard. His wife ran over sobbing, "Benny! Benny, what happened?!" "Madam, please don't get hysterical," said the lifeguard. "I'm just going to give your husband some artificial respiration and he'll be fine." "What!" Mrs. Cohen yelled. "My Benny gets either real respiration or nothing."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Crockpot for Stuffing Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the extra fat dripping from the turkey. By Linda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "I'm sorry, your Honor," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing all by yourself."

» Mac & Cheese
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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How to get Mailwasher again 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 18, 2009

"Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow." --- Johann von Goethe "I do not think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday." --- Abraham Lincoln Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides
Captain - "How did you attain such proficiency in bayonet thrusting?" Private - "Reaching for steak at our boarding house."
Junior was one of those holy terrors and dad was quite surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday. "Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior ?" he asked. "Well, yes," she said, "it will be a lot more peaceful INSIDE the house."
Q. The truth of the matter is that you are not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas? A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Carrazco, 19, of Brownsville, Texas Door to door dope salesman busted BROWNSVILLE - Anthony Carrazco, 19, practically arrested himself after he was going door-to-door attempting to sell weed, but he knocked on the wrong door. Police say Carrazco had a gun, marijuana and went up to a police officer's front door and asked him if he wanted to buy some weed. They say Carrazco even had his own scale. Police say it happened in the middle of the night at an apartment complex downtown near UTB, but they're not releasing the location to protect the officer. Residents in the area are getting a good laugh saying it was pretty ridiculous for Carrazco to do such a thing. Police say the teen was drunk. He tried to sell the officer 3oz before the cop grabbed his badge and placed him under arrest. The charges are serious, since he was selling by the university - a drug free and weapon free zone. Police say they do undercover sting operations all the time, but this was unlike anything they’ve dealt with before. A bonehead award should also go to Brownsville city council, who voted the same night against banning texting and cellphone use while driving and making it a Class C misdemeanor with a fine.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lynne Re: Need MailWasher again I had a Trojan hit and had HP tech’s assist me in removing it from my computer. In the process Mail Washer was removed in error. How do I reload Mail Washer. I have been without it for over a week right now and am going nuts with all the spam that is being loaded into my computer. I rely on this software. I had a subscription. Who can I contact that can reload this software back onto my computer? Read your letter every day!! So many good articles in the tech section. Thanks, Lynne Dear Lynne Just download Mailasher again. Theoretically, the registration number should still be in the computer's registry. If it isn't, look for the email you got when you bought and registered the program. Look for an email with Subject: Your MailWasher registration key From: MailWasher Support If you can't find it, write to , and they will send you the key again without any hassle. Have FUN! DearWebby
Morris and Abe, two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. While they thought they were getting away with it, the owner wrote on the "Specials" blackboard by the cash register: "Today's Special: Tuna sandwich, $11.95". When it came time to pay, he charged them for the tuna sandwiches. They protested, but since they had eaten a tuna sandwich that was not their own, they had the choice of paying or washing dishes for the rest of the day. They paid.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Cloth Bags Out of Old Pillowcases What do you do with pillow cases that are no longer needed for a bed? Turn them into cloth bags! First turn the bag inside out, fold down the sides of the opening, run a cord or other material cut to the length of the handle you want, hand stitch. Turn the pillow case right side out and there you have it, a bag! The best thing about this one, no cutting! By Michele from Landisville, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "Leroy!", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for years! How could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear, he whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet you don't have anything like that in Texas!" "Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've got plumbers who could fix it."

» Weird Stuff
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MSN email problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 17, 2009

"We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts." --- Harold Nicholson "When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, 'The handle is one of us!'" --- Turkish proverb Laugh, and the world laughs with you, snore, and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess
Psychology was tried on a difficult hiccough case. All simple remedies had failed and the physician, knowing that his patient was an old tightwad, resorted to a stratagem. He administered a new, cheap medicine. This drew from the patient an inquiry as to its contents. "Chiefly musk," said the doctor. "But isn't that the expensive stuff they use in perfumes?" "Yes," said the doctor. "Each dose of this costs thirty dollars." The hiccoughs immediately stopped.
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
Morris goes to visit his cardiologist in follow up after his life threatening heart attack. The doctor explains to Morris that he would be able to resume his active sex life as soon as he could climb three flights of stairs without becoming winded. Morris listens attentively and then says,"I haven't been able to walk 3 flights of stairs without getting winded since high school. Guess I'll have to stick to women who live on the ground floor for the rest of my life."
Thanks to my dad for this picture of a traditional public trough, that he took in late September on a hiking trail up in the mountains.:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the NJ Turnpike Authority Turkey wins TRENTON, N.J. — Authorities have stopped trying to capture a wild turkey that calls Interchange 14B on the New Jersey Turnpike home. The bird has been causing havoc for toll collectors and motorists as it runs across toll booths, plays in traffic, and sits atop toll collectors' parked cars. Turnpike Authority spokesman Joe Orlando said efforts over the weekend to catch the turkey were unsuccessful, and for the time being, the bird will be left alone. Collectors will have to continue putting cones on their parked cars because the turkey likes to jump on the cars, and motorists will continue dodging the bird. The Turnpike Authority hopes the turkey will move away in spring, and that no car hts anything expensive while trying to avoid running over the turkey.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Boop Re: MSN Problems I am not receiving your messages Why ?? Be Happy, Betty Boop Dear Betty Boop Because MSN censors your subscription. Try screeching a temper tantrum at the Taliban, and get them to smarten up. Once your subscription has entered the MSN server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. If you are too shy to argue with the Taliban at MSN Support, you can get a free Gmail address. Gmail is reliable and free. Have FUN! DearWebby
There was an elderly southern widow who lived in a large mansion. She was feeling generous when it came towards Easter, so she called up the local military base, and asked to speak with the lieutenant. "Please send up four nice young men to eat dinner here on Easter, but please, don't send any Jews. Please, no Jews." The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am, and I am sure I speak for the army when I say we all appreciate your kindness." Well, Easter rolled around, and the widow went to answer the door when it rang. She was surprised to see four of the blackest boys that anyone had ever seen, especially in the South. "But... But... There must be some mistake," she stammered. One of them replied, "No ma'am, Lieutenant Morris Goldstein doesn't make mistakes."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Measure Ingredients Ahead of Time When making a big meal, like Thanksgiving dinner, have everything measured out ahead of time before you start cooking. Saves lots of time! By Robin from Washington, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for a over a half hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack had only lasted 6 hours."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Frustrated at always being corrected by her husband, Gina decided the next time it happened, she would have a comeback. That moment finally arrived, and she was ready. "You know," she challenged, "even a broken clock is right once a day." Leroy looked at her and replied, "Twice a day." He survived, the alarm clock didn't.

» Cars of yesteryear
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Windows changing languages 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 16, 2009

"You are only as strong as your purpose, therefore let us choose reasons to act that are big bold righteous and eternal." --- Barry Munro
A man appears at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't call for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replies. "I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did."
Friday, we had a tornado drill. We were in the generator pit under underneath the garage and there's a PA announcement "This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows." Somebody yelled out: "Quick, get to a DOS prompt!"
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks a friend. "With her, your chances are better," says the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart problem."
Thanks to Roland for this picture: No Gullible Warming in Colorado either.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Veletta Cuba Newman, 31, of Bluff City, Tennessee Woman who mistook cop for Sonic car hop faces DUI ELIZABETHTON, Tenn. (AP) - A woman who mistook a police officer for a car hop at a Sonic drive-in was charged with DUI and possession of drug paraphernalia. A caller to 911 Saturday reported the woman nearly struck several vehicles before pulling into the drive-in. The Johnson City Press reported Elizabethton Police Officer Sarah Ellison found the woman slumped over the steering wheel. When Ellison tried to get the woman's attention, the woman handed her a $20 bill, continuing to offer it even after she identified herself as an officer. The woman was arrested and the officer found a syringe, a spoon with white powdery residue and numerous bottles of prescription medicine in the car. A hearing was set for next April, and since they don't really want to put up with her until then, her bail was reduced to $1000, giving her a chance to add more charges between now and then..
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dee Re: XP or W7 ? Dear Webby. Looking at buying a mini notebook. What is the difference/pros/cons between Windows XP (which I use now) and Windows 7 Starter? Thanks. Mr. Dee Dear Mr Dee XP works well and reliably and is a good general purpose OS. Linux is very fast and reliable for getting actual work done, but unless you have a Penguin (Linux User) as a friend and mentor, can be time consuming for vague goofing around and experimenting. Like UNIX, it is more work oriented, and a lot of newer play stuff doesn't have Linux versions. Vista is slow and buggy, but machines with Vista pre-loaded are subsidized and therefore usually cheaper. W7 SP2 might be OK, in 2012, but it's too early to tell. Ask me again some time after the next presidential election. They haven't even fixed most of the Vista problems yet, and if you want the machine for getting work done, it is definitely way too early to become an unpaid tester for W7. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lawyer was cross-examining a witness: "You have just testified that you heard the shot at exactly 11:32 p.m.? How did you know what time it was? Did you look at your watch?" "No," the witness said. "I looked at the sundial in the garden." "That's absurd," screamed the lawyer. "How could you tell time by a sundial at 11:32 at night?" "I had a flashlight," the witness said.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Thanksgiving Weekend to Sort and Donate Extra Stuff Thanksgiving weekend is a great time to go through all you're grateful to have, and donate as much as you can! Since so many of us have a lot of time off for Thanksgiving, it's a good time to go through stuff and see all you've been blessed with. If you're like us, you've been blessed with an abundance, even if you mostly buy used stuff in the first place! So, if you're bored between now and the shopping frenzy of the weekend, consider sorting through it all. Craft supplies, toys, clothes, books - in this season of spending and plenty, there's lots of folks who'll be doing their holiday shopping at thrift stores. If you can, donate generously. It clears space for you and gives back to your community. And, seeing what you're donating can even help you choose purchases during the upcoming New Year a bit more wisely. By Dorrie from Norman, OK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a little hotel. "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's okay." "Oh, that'll be great," says the bloke, grinning from ear to ear."And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little red-headed schoolteacher."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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PUN WARNING: At a church meeting the topic was "Burial or Cremation?" Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!" The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making a fuel of yourself!" GROANER ALERT: What disease can you get from kissing birds? Chirpes! (A canarial disease, but it's untweetable.)

» World ining
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New browser windows or tabs for new links 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 15, 2009

"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own." --- Doug Larson "If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off her allowance." --- Al Bernstein The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. --- Mark Twain
A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with Mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what.......we didn't see a single bastid or dingbat, 'cause Mommy was doing the dingbat stuff herself and scared them all away!"
A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas," he drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long, and still be in Texas by nightfall." "Well", replies the Yankee, "We have some rather slow trains in Rhode Island too, but none that are THAT slow."
Kathrina was visiting the modern art museum and turned to an attendant standing nearby. "This," she sneered, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shawn Montero, Pompano beach, Florida Look before you leak Florida) Traffic was moving slowly on southbound I-95. Shawn Montero had left a Pompano Beach bar with three friends, and now all four were stuck in traffic. You don't buy beer, you just rent it, and Shawn couldn't wait another moment to relieve himself. "I need to take a leak." Traffic was deadlocked, so the waterlogged man climbed out, put his hand on the divider, and jumped over the low concrete wall... only to fall 65 feet to his death. "He probably thought there was a road, but there wasn't," said a Fort Lauderdale police spokesman. His mother shared her thoughts. "Shawn didn't do a whole lot for a living. He got along on his charm, just like his father." Though his death was tragic, it proves the old adage. "Look before you leak!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: New browser window for new links Dear Webby. I managed to set the file explorer to open new windows for jumping into deeper or different folders, but I can't seem to set a browser to do that consistently. Someimes it is impossible to get back, and I have to search through the history, log in again, etc. What's the trick? Ellen Dear Ellen Just hold down the SHIFT key when you click on a link, and it will open a fresh browser or fresh tab, without losing or affecting the original page. Have FUN! DearWebby
In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile down the road, and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up. One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine. "Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or will he come on his own?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freshen House While You Vacuum Here's a good way to freshen your house while you vacuum. When putting a new vacuum cleaner bag in your machine, place a cotton ball soaked in clove or you favorite scented oil inside the bag (or in the plastic container on the bag-less models). It fills your home with a nice aroma and doesn't get into the carpet, or harm pets or children. By Carolyn from Floral Park, NY The little cloth baggies filled with cedar shavings, that you put into linen trunks to banish pests, work great too. For the Christmas season you can fill a cloth baggie with tree or wreath trimmings. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On a visit to Chicago, Jill was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from their hotel. Her husband obligingly hailed a cab. They got in and he told the driver, "My wife wants to go to Neiman Marcus." The cabby looked over his shoulder at us and said, "And the gentleman? Does he want to go to the bank or the pawn shop?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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During a sermon the pastor stated that money wasn't important in the afterlife, because in heaven, there is no money. One parishioner loudly stage-whispered to his wife, "Did you hear that, Maude? We're already in heaven."

» Worldwide Telescope
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Wrong sending time on email 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 14, 2009

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --- Scottish Proverb Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. --- H. L. Mencken
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?" ----- Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Hey - get out! We don't want your type in here" ----- Being a bit dyslexic, I walk into bras.
Things only women understand: Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes. (Actually, some of us men have noticed that last one too!)
Nancy stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" asked the librarian. "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. You must be the person who took our phone book."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel M. Small, 20, in Gainesville, Florida Fresh from prison, man charged with break-in at same house A man released from prison in September in connection with thefts from a specific Gainesville home has been charged with theft from the same house. Joel M. Small, 20, was arrested by Gainesville Police on Thursday and charged with burglary and grand theft for a Sept. 29 break-in at a house in the 300 block of Northeast 19th Drive. According to Corporal Courtnay Roberts, the break-in happened at the same home Small was convicted of targeting in early 2008. According to Florida Department of Corrections records, Small was released from state prison on Sept. 20 after serving an 18 month sentence for multiple counts of grand theft, trafficking in stolen property and providing false information to a pawn broker about items taken from that house and pawned. On Wednesday, Roberts arrested Small on charges of breaking into the bedroom of a 77-year-old woman, stealing $4 worth of quarters and 11 pairs of athletic shoes worth more than $1,400. Roberts said Small was connected to the break-in based on blood and fingerprints left behind at the scene. Also connecting Small to the recent break-in was a witness, who told police he saw Small wearing shoes taken from that home. Mugshot Article
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Wrong time on email Dear Webby. The clock on my computer shows the correct time, but people, who receive my email, complain that it shows a time that has not happened yet, a sending time some hours later than when they already read it. The same thing happens whether I use Outlook Express or Outlook. How do I fizz that? Dianne Dear Dianne You can't blame Outlook or OE for that one. Your time zone is set wrong. Double-click the clock in the right bottom corner, and change the time zone to where you currently are. Then, while in there, synchronize the clock with Internet time. After that your emails will show the correct sending time, and people will stop razzing you about being in their future. Have FUN! DearWebby
In the washroom in the airport I saw this handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the President."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy at Garage Sales and Sell on eBay I love eBay and have been very lucky at finding valuable items to sell on ebay at garage sales. My latest "coup", a Getzen trumpet that I paid $25 for, and sold on eBay for $750. I invested $120 in having the trumpet professionally cleaned and checked out. I offered free next-day delivery with buy-it-now, and sold the trumpet in four days. Including the high cost of the shipping, and the ebay/paypal fees, I still netted almost $500! By Virgil from Jonesboro, AR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An American teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Jeff goes in to see the manager. "I have to have a raise, boss," the man says. "There are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" the manager says. "What companies are after you?" "The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company."

» Earth Album
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Yahoo censoring subscriptions 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 13, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support fro the troops!

On Friday, the 13th, .... It is bad luck to be superstitious. --- Andrew W. Mathis Wear the old coat and buy the new book. --- Austin Phelps Never fear the want of business. A man who qualifies himself well for his calling, never fails of employment. --- Thomas Jefferson
A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we have never subscribed to any papers!"
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on welfare fraud issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in their community.
Our business professor was lecturing about different ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?" One student piped up, "Tuition!"
Thanks to Joan for this:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Basso Tampa man calls 911, asks for sex; he gets jail instead TAMPA — Joshua Basso said his cell phone ran out of minutes Wednesday, so he called the one number that he knew is always free — 911 — with an unusual request. He wanted someone to have sex with him. When 911 operators hung up on him, he called back four times, police said. Fifteen minutes after his last call, police arrested Basso at his home, at 4202 N Nebraska Ave., on charges of making a false 911 call. He was taken to the Hillsborough County Jail, where he remains without bail. Basso has been arrested a dozen times in Hillsborough on charges including grand theft of a motor vehicle, violation of probation, domestic violence battery, possession of marijuana, trespassing and burglary, jail records show.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Susan Re: Censorship on Yahoo Dear Webby. I am so confused. I no longer receive your webby letter anymore what the heck did I do?? or undo?? thanks Susan Dear Susan Your subscription has been sent out to you every night. You will have to contact the Taliban at Yahoo and get them to stop censoring your subscription, or else get a respectable email address on the side. For example, gmail is free, 100% reliable, and you can use it at work without pulling anything down into the company computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher. "Four," says little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" Little Johnny smiles and says, "A jack."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Carpet in Your Flowerbed Cut carpet in the shape you want your flower bed to be. Lay the carpet face down and cover with mulch. You can use less mulch and it will last for years. When you are ready to plant, cut an X and plant. This is not organic for your vegetable garden but works great for flowerbeds. By Laura from Spartangurg, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she would get furious when one little fellow hands in a sloppily done homework paper. "This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person could have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively. "My mom helped me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!"

» Biscuit City
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Can't send mail on High Speed connection 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 12, 2009

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. --- Dale Carnegie It is bad luck to be superstitious. --- Andrew W. Mathis
[a] The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. [c] Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
That reminds me..... Because of the anti-smoking propaganda and restrictive laws, the percentage of the population that smokes has decreased. Now, if there was any relation between smoking and cancer, the percentage of people who get cancer should theoretically have decreased at exactly the same rate. It didn't. It INCREASED! OK, so what HAS increased at the same rate as cancer ? Taxes on tobacco products. Kinda makes you think, eh ?
Thanks to Dianne for this: Westminster bridge, London… At noon, a strange phenomenon happens when sunlight passes through the balustrade of the bridge, forming a small army of….. well……see for yourself!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Samuel Botchvaroff, 24 in Oakland, California E. Bay Car Thief Steals Car To Go To Court A 24-year-old Oakland man is under arrest after authorities say he stole a car to make a court appearance on an auto theft charge. California Highway Patrol investigator Chris Linehan said he arrested Samuel Botchvaroff Tuesday as he sat inside a stolen 2000 Range Rover at the Vallejo courthouse. Botchvaroff had just left his arraignment on auto theft charges stemming from an Oct. 31 arrest. Linehan said the Range Rover's LoJack system helped him locate the vehicle, which had been stolen from Oakland earlier Tuesday morning. Authorities say Botchvaroff told officers his car had been impounded, and he had no other way to get to his arraignment. He was booked into Solano County Jail on suspicion of auto theft and possession of stolen property.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Larry Re: Can't send out on High Speed connection Dear Webby. I appreciate all the info you give out to people, and mabye you can help me. I have incredimail as my email client. I can receieve email, but cannot send out unless I log into my dial up. I have highspeed network connection and Dial up. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Larry Dear Larry The problem is not on your side. You will have to haggle that out with your DSL or cable provider. Hopefully they use UNIX o Linux, and not Microsoft Server. On UNIX and Linux it's easy to set up email users and authenticate them properly. I have quite a few clients, like for example Walter, the Stonecraver, who travel a lot. I routinely authenticate him in airport lounges and even on airplanes. But we use UNIX. With Microsoft Server they would need a tech who can read beyond page 1 of the instructions. Those are apparently scarce, and they are more likely to give you the runaround and tell you to use their webmail. It CAN be done, though! Before you raise your voice too much, check your contract with them and make sure that your DSL deal includes email. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two city swingers were walking in the country when one of them spotted a bug walking across the road. "What kind of bug is that?" he asked his companion. The companion leaned over and looked at the bug. "It's a Lady bug." The first man looked at the bug again, then at his friend, and said: "Man, you sure got good eyes."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. But the ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, "How on earth did you do that?" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Lissa went to see a psychiatrist about her husband (he wouldn't go with her). "Doctor, my husband, Kurt, has this problem. Almost every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!" "My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual." Lissa leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence: "But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Kurt sleeps with his mouth open and his little light keeps me awake!"

» Toothpick Art
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Device monitor has stopped working 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 11, 2009
Remembrance Day / Veterans Day
Remember the heroes who died for our country!
A Pittance of time

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." --- Dolly Parton In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. --- Andre Maurois
His wife phoned Abe in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner." "Good" replied Abe, "make sure she's well done!".
The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she told me it was her first flight. "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just like my dad."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Alan Clair, 43 and Shannon Blake McAlister, 42 in Yukon, Oklahoma Police Say 911 Call from stolen phone Led to Drug Bust By Rusty Surette, NEWS 9 YUKON, Oklahoma -- Yukon police said a big drug bust was made possible thanks to an accidental call to 911. Yukon dispatchers said they got the call last week from a cell phone. Dispatchers thought it was just another accidental call, but instead of hanging up, they stayed on the line and listened to the conversation in the background. "We could hear two men talking in the background," said Yukon Cpl. Shane Ingram. "They were talking about, in detail, about drug deals." Immediately, police began tracking the call and the conversation never stopped. Dispatchers were able to use 911 mapping technology to pinpoint where the call was coming from. Officers say when they knocked on the door, the men inside, Mark Clair and Shannon McAlister, were shocked. A cell phone crammed in a coat pocket had accidentally dialed 911 and now they were frantically trying to hide their stash. "What I guess he didn't realize was that during the shuffling and trying to hide it, they didn't get it all hidden and there was plenty in plain view,” said Cpl. Ingram Inside the home in the 1300 block of Summerton Place police found Xanax, Hydrocondone, Oxycontin, Ecstasy and marijuana. Rough estimates put the value of the drugs at $20,000, but the story Yukon officers now have is priceless. Mark Alan Clair, 43, and Shannon Blake McAlister, 42, were both taken into custody and face a long list of charges including possession of controlled dangerous substances and intent to distribute narcotics. Police said the phone that placed the 911 call was a stolen cell phone.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruby Re: Device monitor has stopped working Dear Webby, Thanks so much for your humor/news letter - it always provides the need for laughs! Once again, I have a question about my computer. Just remember I am pretty illeterate as I'm sure my question show! Within the last few days, a message shows up when starting the computer that "the Device monitor has stopped working" Just now another message shows up that "Internet Explorer has stopped working" What's up with these messages? I have McAffee, what else is needed?? Thanks so much for all you do! Ruby Dear Ruby That seems to be a Vista or W7 "feature". You will have to ask Microsoft about that one. Have FUN! DearWebby
When Lisa noticed a broken vise in the trash can, she decided to buy her husband a new one for his birthday. She went to the hardware store and asked the salesman, "Do you have any heavy-duty vises?" "Sorry, ma'am," he replied. "I gave them all up when I got caught."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Keepsake of Old T-Shirts My daughter had two old camp shirts. One was a tie-die and the other had the name of the camp. They were too small and had a couple of stains. After washing, I turned the tie-died one into a small pillow. I cut the camp name out of the other shirt. Before I stuffed the pillow I sewed on the camp name. Now my daughter has a wonderful keepsake of her camp time! By SA from Georgia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The young construction worker was boasting that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of his older co-workers. Finally, the old guy decided he'd had enough and said to the youngster, "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart said. "Let's see you do your stuff!" The old man reached out and grabbed a wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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When a guy's printer began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make a LOT more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

» Remembrance Day
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How do you fix Invalid notifier alerts? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 10, 2009

The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. --- Arthur Koestler "You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now." --- Joan Baez
A girl walked up to the information desk in her local hospital and said, "I need to see the upturn, please." "I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Yes,whatever." said the girl. "I want to have a 'contamination.'" "Don't you mean 'examination ?" the nurse asked. "Yes, whatever. I'll probably have to go to the fraternity ward" "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination; fraternity, maternity.... What's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant."
A New Yorker was being shown around the back country of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" he asked. The cousin smirked, "Depends on how fast ya carry it."
Heartwarming!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to rwo armed robbers in Pretonia, South Africa Robber emasculates himself News24, South Africa 2009-11-08 22:57 Pretoria - An armed robber who attacked 12 people in a house in Queenswood, Pretoria, and threatened to shoot them "one by one", shot his own penis off with his stolen firearm. Another robber was shot dead on the scene. The injured robber had hidden the firearm in the front of his trousers. When he removed the weapon, a shot went off by accident, hitting him in the groin. According to an informed source at the scene, this robber's injury was so severe that doctors would not have been able to re-attach his penis.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cathy Re: Invalid Notifier Dear Webby, Hi sorry to bother you but am getting this same message every time I open up computer. It says selected notifier(or one of its components )is invalid- -please select a new notifier. Can you please tell me what this means? Still computer illiterate. Thank you Cathy Dear Cathy That is not part of Windows, but from some program, that you installed. It could be from Incredimail, Dartware, Telus, an RSS reader, a birthday reminder, or any number of different programs or services. Try to remember what program has ever notified you of anything. Then go into that program, add a new notifier and dump the old one. Have FUN! DearWebby
Nancy doesn't go to church much anymore. She's a Seventh Day Absentist.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Those Pumpkin Seeds When carving pumpkins for pie, don't throw out the seeds! Wash off the gooey stuff, spread on a cookie sheet, sprinkle with Lawry's (seasoning) salt and bake at 375 for about 10 minutes. Makes a great snack. By Sunny Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While Hank was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd." The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We awe hunting submawenes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A 6 year old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service, "And give us our bus passes, as we forgive those who gas pass against us."

» the Edhttp://www.ssefo.com/mund Fitzgerald
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How do you format SD camera memory cards? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 9, 2009

"There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary." --- Brendan Behan The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." --- Mark Twain "It is better to give than receive...especially advice." --- Mark Twain
Some winter camping tips: To win the race for fastest set-up on multi-family camping trips, tell your kids that NOBODY gets to go to the outhouse until all your tents are set up and the stuff moved into them. When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. Wires as used for "strings" on many stringed instruments such as violas make excellent snare wire for catching rabbits, squirrels and night-time raiders of your beer cache. When smoking a fish, don't inhale. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. Hot enchiladas or pizzas do NOT work. After they permanently melt into your sleeping bag, you will have a permanent cold spot in that location. Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match. If you set up a tent to be sheltered from the wind while ice-fishing, do NOT sleep in that tent. Somebody will get up at night and step into the hole. Extracting a foot with a sprained ankle firmly wedged into the hole in the ice tends to cause foul language that scares the fish away. If a family member has borrowed your ice auger to drill a fence post hole, it is a good idea to mark and identify that auger with a hack-saw by cutting it into little bitty pieces. That is best done cool and calm, before you carry it up to that mountain lake. Salmon eggs in little pouches made from old pantyhose work better for ice fishing than any other bait or lure, and if you don't get permission to use some bits of pantyhose, remember that salmon eggs are just deluxe caviar at one tenth the cost, and are great with devilled eggs. Building a fire in the dry spot under a tree with overhanging branches is a dumb idea, either the snow will slide off and put your fire out, or the tree will catch on fire. Putting your tent under a tree is also a bad idea, especially in the rain. A tent will shed rain, but the slow, fat drops coming from a tree will spray through and slowly dampen your sleeping bag. Also, a tree will continue to drip long after the rain has stopped. You can compress the diameter of a rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car. Tempting as it may be to "just-do-it", it IS considered good manners to tell your mother-in-law to get out of her sleeping bag before that procedure.
There is this American tourist on a trip around Ireland. When the tour arrives at Belfast he decides to go for a stroll with the aim of taking in this new culture. After he's been walking for a while someone rushes up behind him and sticks a gun in his back. The mugger says to the tourist, "What are you, Catholic or Protestant?" The American thinks to himself "Great -- if I say I'm Catholic, this guy is sure to be Protestant. If I say I'm Protestant, he's sure to be Catholic. Either way I'm dead." Then he has a brain wave and says to the guy, "Actually I'm Jewish." This, he thinks to himself, will surely keep him safe. The guy behind him then replies, "Gee, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Two teenage boys from Woonsocket, RI Don't Forget Your Homework, Especially at the Crime Scene Two teenage boys from Woonsocket have been charged with breaking and entering after skipping class on Monday and breaking into a home within a half-mile from Woonsocket High School. The two fifteen year old boys stole some game systems from a house on Hillsdale Ave before heading back to school, according to Lt. Eugene Jalette. Two officers from Woonsocket who responded to the break in noticed a homework assignment at the scene. It was found next to the basement window, right near where the youths broke in. The homework didn't belong to anyone who lived at the home, but the name on it was quite familiar to the officers. At the end of the day, the policemen recovered the stolen items and arrested the two boys, releasing them to the custody of their parents. They are also investigating whether the boys are involved in other recent break-ins in the area.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann D Re: How do I format a camera memory card? Dear Webby, Dear Ann 99.99% of the information on the net about formatting SD memory cards is misleading and useless. The rare exception is the SD Card Org. They even have a downloadable formatter program. http://www.sdcard.org/consumers/formatter/ Cameras that wring the last little bit of power out of the batteries trash SD chips much more frequently, than cameras that act snooty and refuse to run unless the batteries are above a certain level. For example, with a Fuiji you get more pictures per battery change, but occasionally you will lose a chip full of pictures. With a Canon you spend a bit more on batteries, but trashed chips are totally unknown to Canon users. In case your cards are just 1/4 GB (256 MB), get an 8 GB card from Tigerdirect for $15, or check the local stores for specials. Quite often they put SD cards on special to lure people into the store. Have FUN! DearWebby
Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an unusual site. Right before the first race, a Catholic Priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and, sure enough, the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the Priest before the next race. Again, the Priest went to the stables and blessed another horse. Charlie quickly put two dollars on that horse and won close to fifty bucks! The Priest kept blessing horses and Charlie kept betting on them and they won! The last race of the day was the biggest and Charlie saw the Priest with that horse, also! He quickly went to his bank and withdrew his life's savings of $20,000, went back to the racetrack and put it all on that horse! He watched the race in certain anticipation of leaving a millionaire! The horse was last to cross the line and Charlie was dead broke! He couldn't believe what happened so he went looking for the Priest. He found the man and asked, "What happened to that last horse you blessed? Because your blessing didn't work, I've lost all of my money!" The Priest said, "That's the trouble with you Protestants. You can't tell the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Putting on a Bracelet By Yourself I live alone and sometimes have a difficult time putting a bracelet or watch on by myself. To solve this problem, I tape one end on my wrist with cellophane tape so it stays put and then I can take the other end and hook it together. Works every time! By Elaine from Iowa Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When Bubba asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "No way," Bubba said, "Ol' Blue don't need none. He's getting too shortsighted fer doin' the drivin'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure He's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and He is always ready to help you when you need Him," she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

» Canadian Rockies Aerial pictures
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Mail during vacation 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 8, 2009

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. --- Oscar Wilde The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block. --- Inigo DeLeon
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife: " What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he continued on for another twenty minutes, repeating his question. This time he received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one older lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," replied Mrs. Jones. "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Eighty six," was the reply. "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a woman can live to eighty six and not have an enemy in the world." The old woman teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around. "It's easy. I just outlived all them rotten no-good bitches and sons-o-bitches!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew J. Burwitz, 20, of Appleton, Wis. Driveby Shooting with the window up Andrew J. Burwitz, 20, of Appleton, Wis., tried to do a drive-by shooting at the home of his ex-girlfriend's family and another random house. Police found him because he failed to roll down his car window and shattered it when he made the first shot. He was charged Wednesday with four counts of first-degree reckless endangerment, four counts of endangering safety by reckless use of a firearm, disorderly conduct and criminal damage to property. According to court documents, the occupants of the house in the Town of Buchanan were awakened about 2 a.m. Monday to the sounds of breaking glass. They saw a car driving off and found two bullets had struck the exterior of the house and three had entered the living room. None of the four people in the house was injured. The ex-girlfriend was attending school out of state. Sheriff's deputies examining the area found broken auto glass in the street, and, later that day, contacted area auto glass repair shops and found Burwitz had his car window replaced after filing an insurance claim. He was not charged with attempted murder or drunk driving. That is apparently normal in that part of Wisconsin.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Mail during vacation Dear Webby, I am going to Hawaii for a couple of weeks on the 18th of Nov.. Is there anyway to stop my inbox from getting plugged up short of unsubscribing to everything prior to going away? In May I will be going to Germany for 5 weeks and of course the problem will be much bigger then. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated - as are all your helpful suggestions. Take Care Ann Dear Ann Yes, unsubscribing is indeed the best way. Anything else will just cause problems for you. It doesn't take that long to click on the unsubscribe line at the bottom of newsletters. Have FUN! DearWebby
Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A. The car salesman knows when he's lying to you
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Turn Greeting Cards into Postcards To recycle cards and save trees, I turn cards I receive into postcards and re use them. Usually people only write on the inside page so I cut off the front page with the picture on it and then write my own message or greeting on the blank back page along with the address and it is now a postcard. I always get asked where I find such fun postcards and with the price of cards being $2-4 and postage being cheaper for a postcard I save quite a bit each time I send a postcard greeting! By Kate from Chicago, Illinois Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Classifieds - 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. - Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. - A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. - The hotel has howling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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At long last the good-humoured boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know, you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"

» The Fun Theory
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How to get rid of Antivirus System Pro Alert 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 6, 2009

"Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take." --- Lothar Kaul What you get free costs too much." --- Jean Anouilh "If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if YOU can use either one, it's a miracle." --- Jack Adams
Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of thetoothbrush. It was decided that the brush was invented in Maine. Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were asked by the media how they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction, "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Sure I can help you choose which puppy to buy!"
Kimberly Munley, the hero of Ft Hood, the cop who ran into the shooting scene and took down the big cowardly terrorist, who was murdering and injuring people in an area, where he was the only one armed, - until Kimberley Munley arrived.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aaron Siebers, 27, of Denver, CO Another "Aware of the problem DUI driver NOVEMBER 3--Aaron Siebers, 27 of Denver, a Blockbuster employee, was skateboarding yesterday afternoon when he fell and ripped his uniform pants. Due to work last night--and concerned about getting "written up" by Blockbuster superiors for not wearing his work-issued khakis--Siebers came up with a harebrained idea. Instead of just calling in sick, he stabbed himself in the leg and showed up at work claiming to have just been attacked by three Hispanic males. Siebers, who told cops he was assaulted as he walked toward the Blockbuster in Edgewater, had a deep stab wound in one leg and several other minor cuts on his face and stomach. As investigators began hunting for the assailants, they reviewed surveillance video from outside a Target store where Siebers claimed the attack occurred. The footage, however, showed no such assault. Confronted by cops, Siebers, pictured in the below mug shot, admitted that he had stabbed himself. He told investigators about the skateboarding accident, the resulting ripped pants, and how "he did not want to lose his job so he stabbed himself in the leg," according to an arrest affidavit sworn by Officer Shawna Naumann. As a result, Siebers was named in a criminal complaint charging him with filing a false report and obstructing police, both misdemeanors.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donna Re: Antivirus System Pro Alert Dear Webby, My husband's computer has been infected by Antivirus System Pro Alert. He gets numerous popups, but the first one always is: wmprvse.exe is infected. Then, of course, you can subscribe to their service for a fee and it will be removed. We currently use McAfee, but obviously, it didn't protect us. Can you tell me what we need to do or should I just call our "computer guy?" Thanks, Donna Dear Donna Sounds like he gave you plenty of ammo to razz him about going to sites, that he shouldn't! Manual removal instructions are here: http://snipurl.com/t43vu They, remove-malware.net, also have a stinger for automatic removal at the bottom of that page. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trishia is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her sister leaned over to her. "Trishia," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pre-Treating Greasy Stains I've found the best way to remove any greasy stain (including shirt collars) is to put a little dish washing liquid (Joy, Dawn, etc.) on the stain, and rub it in. Then dip the spot in as hot water as is appropriate for the fabric and rub again. Toss it in the washer and you will be pleased at the outcome! By Sarahruth from Newland, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know." "I know," said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, " What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she yelled back, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."

» Famous Folks
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How to get rid of Cyber Security? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 6, 2009
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." --- Tom Wilson "But he that dares not grasp the thorn, Should never crave the rose." --- Anne Bronte
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?", he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' "
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic and the nurse had to hit him with the fire extinguisher."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Strey, 49, of Granton, Wisconsin Another "Aware of the problem DUI driver NEILSVILLE, Wis. – The call came into the 911 dispatcher: "I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm drunk." And with that, Mary Strey, 49, of Granton, reported herself as a drunken driver about three miles northeast of Neilsville in central Wisconsin. Clark County Sheriff's Chief Deputy Jim Backus said Monday that Strey's call on Oct. 24 led deputies to cite her for misdemeanor drunken driving with a blood-alcohol level double the legal limit to drive. She makes her first court appearance Dec. 10. Backus said drunken drivers reporting themselves is rare. In the 911 call, Strey said she wanted to report a drunken driver and the dispatcher asked if she was behind the suspect vehicle. "I am them," Strey said. She then followed the dispatcher's advice to pull over and turn on her flashers, telling him she had been "drinking all night long."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: Cyber Security Dear Webby, Please let me know how to remove cyber security. Thanks, Linda Dear Linda That is some very nasty stuff you got there! I searched the web, and this seems to be the easiest way to get rid of "Cyber Security": Spywarevoid Have FUN! DearWebby
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked: "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Club Accounts This tip is late for this year but (I think) invaluable for the years to come. Get a Christmas Club account at your bank. They either deduct a set amount from your checking account ($20 a month or more) or you deposit monthly. It runs for 10 months and at the end of the time Oct/Nov you get a check for the years' amount plus interest. I'm careless about putting money by every month, but if it's not in the account, I can't spend it and then I have a lump sum when I most need it. One year I had to draw out the accumulated dollars in the summer, but I've done this for a long time. By Susan from Bristol TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A 6 year old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees". When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Colonel Jack: What's your name, driver? Driver: Alfred, sir. Colonel Jack: I always call my drivers by their last names. What's your last name, driver? Driver: It's Sweetheart, sir. Colonel Jack: Drive on, Alfred.

» Famous Folks
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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More top links 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 5, 2009

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." --- Antoine de Saint Exupery "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." --- Franklin P. Jones
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your special Sunday dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a damn bitch to iron."
"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," she insisted. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Miller, 18, in Oxford, Ohio Aware of the topic NOVEMBER 2--A Halloween reveler dressed up as a Breathalyzer machine was arrested early Sunday for drunk driving. James Miller, an 18-year-old college student, was busted in Oxford, Ohio after cops spotted him driving in the wrong direction on a one-way street. An actual Breathalyzer machine recorded Miller's blood alcohol content as .158, nearly twice the state's legal limit. Miller, pictured in the below mug shot, was charged with underage drinking and DUI, according to an Oxford Police Department report. Officers discovered an open can of Bud Light in the vehicle's center console and the remains of a case of beer on the passenger seat and in the trunk. Miller's costume, which retails for about $30, includes three sobriety levels: Boring, Life of the Party, and Sotally Tober. It also includes a well-placed plastic tube with the instructions "Blow Here." He definitely can't say he was not aware of the Drunk Driving topic.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ella Re: More Top Links Dear Webby, Is there a way to get more links or bookmarks onto the top of the browser, so that I don't have to close a browser to hut for the shortcut to a site? Thanks Ella Dear Ella In FireFox that is no problem. Click on TOOLS, ADD-ONS, Get Add-On, and grab "Multi_Row Bookmarks". Then you can have many rows of bookmarks on top. If you edit their names and make them shorter, for example shorten "XE - Universal Currency Converter" to just "XE", it saves a lot of space but you still recognize it. Words of warning: Slow down! Don't go hog wild in the add-on stash! Limit yourself to one new one per day. Get used to that add on, before you get more. I know, it is very tempting to get this and that, and the other thing, and, and, and ..., but it can get very confusing if you add them too fast. Once you installed an Add-On, it becomes an integral part of FireFox. Have FUN! DearWebby
A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said, "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "Why, it's so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "would you please thank her for two pies?"

» Famous Folks
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Zoom Firefox without a mouse 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 4, 2009

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. ---Jerome K. Jerome Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough. --- Socratex
Joe: I see you've lost weight since you started your new job. Did your boss put you on a diet?" Amy: No, she put me on commission.
A reporter from Chicago was visiting an old colleague, who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it."
Thanks to Cookie for sendng this picture: 64 Park Lane, when cars had style and decent trunks
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk forklift driver in Moscow $150,000 worth of booze spilled A fork lift driver in Moscow was sampling too much of his own product when he drunkenly plowed his vehicle into the stock shelves of vodka and cognac in the storeroom where he worked. The result was a spectacular crash in which $150,000 worth of liquor rained down around him. Amazingly, he escaped with nothing but a leg injury. Epic Forklift Incident
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: FireFox Zoom without mouse How do you zoom firefox if you're not using a mouse? I keep hitting the escape button but I'm still here. Dear Patti If you are mouse deprived, hold down the CTRL key and hit the + key to make the text and pictures larger, or CTRL and - to make them smaller. If you also miss the numeric key pad, then you have to hold down CTRL and produce the + and - with the SHIFT key and the appropriate keys in the top row. By the way, you CAN plug a mouse into a USB port on a netbook or laptop. You can even go a step further and also plug in a standard keyboard. Your wrists will appreciate it! Have FUN! DearWebby
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Craft: Use Lace for a Subtle Pattern I wanted a subtle pattern on the table that I painted and then thought of the idea that I used quite some time ago on a trunk. First I primed and painted the table a soft green and let it dry. Then I bought some lace with a large pattern and laid it over the top. I sprayed in a very soft gray. I also did the drawers. This matches very nicely with other things in my bedroom but, if you wanted to, you could make the contrast more extreme and it would also look good. I then put a coat of water based polyurethane on it. By Elaine from Iowa Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "You should try some Tums and eat properly!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Delightful old classic that I have not featured in a long time: One nun is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants? SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So, the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And?? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run a lot faster than a man with his pants down! (...And, for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's...! )

» Formal Gardens
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How to get precise color numbers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 3, 2009

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller "Talent develops in quiet places, character in the full current of human life." --- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe "Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent into the dark place where it leads." --- Erica Jong
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and NOT try to understand her at all.
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture by his nephew Greg Two ravens
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a South African military jet passenger Military jet passenger ejects A passenger enjoying a civilian joyride accidentally cut the trip short when he ejected himself from the plane after grabbing the eject lever while trying to brace himself. The passenger, who was flying in a Pilatus PC-7 Mk II with an air force pilot friend, The Daily Mail reported. He was instantly blasted 320-feet into the sky by the rocket-powered chair, before floating to the ground with an automatic parachute, the paper reported. Air Force officers quickly deployed a helicopter to retrieve the passenger after his landing 80 miles south of Cape Town, South Africa. ------------- Pilatus PC7 are military jets made in Switzerland, known more for precision flying between rugged mountains, than for extreme speed in wide open areas.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wanda Re: Color numbers Dear Webby How do I get the exact color number to match a font to the color in a picture? With guessing and experimenting I am just wasting time without getting close enough. What do you use for that? Wanda Dear Wanda I use the EyeDropper. You can download it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. It sits in the uicklaunch over by the clock. You click it and hold down the left mouse button while you move the cursor to the color that you want. It shows you the numbers, and also puts the number that you got, when you let go of the mouse button, into the clip-board, ready to paste as the font color. Have FUN! DearWebby
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married ?" "Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice. "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman ! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?" The witness replied meekly, "Well, most women do, and I know for sure my mother did."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Rid of Pests in Fall Arrangements If you wish to use pine cones, seed pods and the like in your fall arrangements, spread them on a foil covered cookie sheet and put them in the oven to about at hour at 200 degrees F. That will kill any critters that might be hiding inside. The last thing you want is a few critters to come out to join you for Thanksgiving dinner! By Linda from Vista CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Teacher: Max, use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence. Max: The rabbit ran across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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A number of new Air-Force recruits were being taken on their first training flight. The plane had just leveled out after taking off when one of the engines seized up, and another began smoking badly. Adjusting his parachute, the instructor strove for nonchalance as he made his way to the hatch door. "Now I want you men to keep perfectly calm," he said, "while I go for help."

» Living media
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FireFox Zoom 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 2, 2009

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. --- Mark Twain Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. --- Winston Churchill
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root. That will be one payment on my sandals, please." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer. That will be one payment on my donkey, please." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. That will be one payment on my wagon, please." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow these pills. That will be one payment on my Buick, please." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. That will be one payment on my Mercedes, please." 2002 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root! That will be one payment on my yacht, please."
A Southerner had just moved to New York, and one day, a robber approached him and said, "Give me your money or I'll blow your brains out!" "Blow away," replied the Southerner, "You obviously can live in New York without brains, but I could not live here without money."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 25 year old burglar from Detroit Burglar with dressing problems ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) - Police say a burglar broke into an Adrian home before fleeing in only his boxer shorts and a pink baseball cap. The Daily Telegram reported the 25-year-old Detroit man broke into the home through a front window and removed valuables from the woman's bedroom. Police said he was surprised by the home's residents and fled on foot wearing the woman's baseball cap and his boxer shorts. He was arrested a short distance away and told an officer his clothes were taken by several girls, whom he was chasing. His clothes were found nearby. He was charged with home invasion, larceny in a building and cocaine possession.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: FireFox Zoom Dear Webby Thank you so much for your help. With regard to Firefox browser page, I did the CTRL down and then used my mouse scroll wheel and it worked great! Is there any way to make it stay that way or do I have to do it every time I open Firefox? Internet Explorer displays the whole browser page and I didn't have to make any adjustments. It is hot here in Florida--92 degrees and the little kiddies have already started coming around "trick or treating" and its only 4:20 PM. On my street, we usually have 1500 - 2000 kids come by before the night is over. Halloween always makes me wish I was a kid again. Regards, Christine Dear Cristine Usually it will use the zoom you used last. Occasionally it can happen, that you zoomed up or down in a different program and the mouse remembered that. However, now that you know the trick, you can quickly zoom back to a comfortable setting. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man was being proselytized by group of friends: "Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind's relationship to God." "I'm married; I learned long ago that my opinions don't matter." "But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?" "Wherever my wife tells me to."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Tips for Keeping Warm Keeping warm in the winter can be tough if your heating costs are through the roof! If you live in a place where you have to pay for heating but can't afford the costs, here are a few things you can do! Instead of turning on the heat in the entire house, place a space heater in the area where you'll be hanging out. Take a hot bath or shower, this keeps me warm for a few hours! Put on thick socks and put something on your head if you can. Get under blankets! By Lisa from Halifax, NS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Three couples are in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to the first couple, "Sorry, I can't let you in." "Why not?" asked the husband. "Because all the two of you ever cared about was drinking. You were either stone drunk or hung over. You didn't have a sober day in your marriage." said St. Peter. "That's not true!" pleaded the couple. "Really, now." said St. Peter. "What's your wife's name?" "Sherry", said the man "See, you even married a woman named after a drink!" said St. Peter just as he released a trap door, sending them straight down to hell. Then he a told the second couple they couldn't get in to Heaven, either. "Why not?" asked the second husband. "Because all you ever cared about was making money, and you didn't care how you did it. You would cheat anybody, anytime to make your fortune." said St. Peter. "You even cheated your own brothers and sisters out of their inheritance!" "That's not true!" pleaded the husband. "Oh, really?" queried St. Peter "What's your wife's name?" "Penny", said the husband. "See?" said St. Peter, "You even have wife named after money." At which point he released the trap door sending them down to hell. The third husband, grinning, said to his wife, "Well, Fanny, I'm sure glad we were not interested in booze or money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Mr Jones, the principal walked into Miss Smith's 4th grade class, where the children were studying American Geography. Mr. Jones asked the class how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. From the back of the room Little Johnny yelled, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13!"

» Adjusting to the Time Chang
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Top menu bar missing in IE 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 1, 2009
In North America, change the clocks for an hour extra sleep.

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been." --- Mark Twain
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," said the doctor, "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He was trying every excuse in the world, trying to get out of it but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the Grey suit with those shifty eyes and that dishonest face and I said, "He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty." So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That's his lawyer."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scano Sinclair, 28, of Miramar, Florida Mista Cool TAMARAC, Fla. -- Authorities said they know who broke into a Tamarac woman's home because the robber left his cell phone at the scene of the crime. The Broward Sheriff's Office said Scano Sinclair, 28, of Miramar, broke into the 25-year-old woman's home Tuesday afternoon while she was sleeping in her bedroom. She told deputies she awoke to find two men standing over her with guns and demanding cash. As one of the robbers fled the scene, he dropped his cell phone, which contained several pictures of Sinclair. BSO robbery detectives said the victim identified Sinclair as her assailant. Detectives said Sinclair recently tried to rob the victim's boyfriend at his Palm Beach County home but was unsuccessful. A warrant for Sinclair's arrest has been issued.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Top menu bar missing in IE Dear Webby it's me again, (Annette) Just need to ask you something, at the top of my browser, I have lost where it says tools, file, favorites,etc., on the left side, can you tell me how to get it back? All that is there now is, Basicisp.net Web Mail User Interface-Windows Internet Explorer and right under that is, http;//www.mybasicisp.net/webmail.asp, I dont know what I would do without you!!!! thanks for everything you do for me, always look forward to the news letter every day, from your friend in Texas, Annette. Dear Annette I haven't used IE for a long time, but that looks like you are in a basicisp pop-up, that has the top menu bar disabled. Try minimizing that PopUp, and you will see the regular IE with the top menu bar enabled. Quite often you can double-click the top bar and notice that the window shrinks down from malware style by one pixel, and then you can grab the edge and drag it down to a more comfortable size. If it is impossible to shrink the window at all, like with those phoney virus alarm pop-ups, then it's time to reboot and report the site that spawned that pop-up to Google. They will check it out and flag it as an attack site. I don't know if IE does it, but FireFox shows you a big scary message if you try to go to a site, that is flagged as an attack site. In your case, though, you can probably make it shrinkable by double-clicking the top bar. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man entered a barbershop and said, "I am tired of looking like everyone else. I want a change. Part my hair from ear to ear!" The barber nodded and said, "Are you sure?" His customer said, "yes," so the barber did as he was told, and the satisfied gentleman left the shop a happy man. Three hours passed and the man reentered the barber shop. "Put it back the way it was," hesaid. "What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired of being a non-conformist already?" "No," the customer replied, "I'm tired of people whispering at my nose."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Cheap Pumpkins After Halloween Be sure to check your local Walmart right after Halloween for leftover pumpkins. Many people will not buy them after Halloween and you can get them for nearly free. Last year I talked to the guy over the produce section who told me he had marked them down to a penny and they still would not sell! I picked up as many as I could carry (3) and headed for the checkout counter. I found a great idea for beef stew in a pumpkin, where you just stick the whole thing in the oven. The uneaten leftover parts of the pumpkin were pureed to make pie filling. You can also throw the seeds out in your yard to grow your own next year! By Imladris from Anderson, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of it's valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (....repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you." "Scripture??" replied the burglar, "She said she had an ax and two 38's!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"

» World Clock
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Stop automatic Windows shutdowns 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween!

Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statures. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter often chisels his patrons. --Ambrose Bierce's "Devil's Dictionary."
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.
A grandmother came by to show off her brand-new Pontiac Grand Am. The eight-year-old granddaughter took one look at the car and indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Neal,19, Keanthony Strickland,19, and Gabriel Williams,18. in Dayton, Ohio Boobheads DAYTON, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said a man suspected of armed robbery with three others wore a black bra to disguise his face during the crime. Dayton Police said an officer heard a gunshot while patrolling late Sunday and followed the sound to a man who said a group of men robbed him of $10 at gunpoint, WHIO-TV, Dayton, reported. Investigators tracked down the getaway car used in the crime and four men fled the vehicle on foot. Officers said they apprehended Ryan Neal,19, Keanthony Strickland,19, and Gabriel Williams,18. The fourth suspect evaded capture. Police said all four were wearing black masks and officers discovered a mask worn by one of the arrested suspects, who were held in connection with the robbery, was a bra wrapped around his head.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brendt Re: Unwanted reboots Dear Webby How can I stop Windows from rebooting behind my back, just because it installed yet another bug fix and because it detected that I have some unsaved files open? Brendt Dear Brendt It's not just Windows. Adobe and many others are even worse. With Windows you can go into the Control Panel, select Automatic Updates, and select "Notify me but don't automatically download or install them". Occasionally, it will still do it anyway, but not nearly as often. Other programs, that keep popping reboot reminders and show a countdown timer bar, are often worse. With those you might as well throw in the towel, save everything and let it reboot. Otherwise they just keep annoying you until you do. Keep in mind that many programs have automatic saves that you can adjust. Just look in the Help for "auto-save", and set it for 2 minutes. With FireFox you can set it so that it saves all your open tabs and restarts with those tabs open. If you had a bunch of windopws open with movies or music, that produces some awful caterwauling, when all of them start playing simultaneously. Just mute the sound and hunt them down and stop each one. Have FUN! DearWebby
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, gave her a very suspicious look and then said, "Okay". Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Costume: Ghoulteacher For Halloween one year, I bought the ugliest dress I could find at the thrift store. It was a black sheath dress with yellow, white and gold shear collar and it was sleeveless. I wore black pantyhose and glued spiders and ants on the hose and dress. I had a fake rat that I pinned to my shoulder and my face was greened along with my arms and hands. I brushed out my hair with my head upside down and sprayed with the freeze type hairspray. I colored it with streaks of green. Maggie from Oak Lawn, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The finance committee of our church refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier, because none of the members knows how to play one.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A third grade teacher asked her class: "I'd like you to be very quiet today. I've got a dreadful headache." "Excuse me," said , "why don't you do what my mom does when she has a hangover?" "What's that?" asked the teacher. "She sends us outside to play."

» Voyager
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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