This Christmas... 


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Don't Wait On Hold Anymore 

Never wait on hold again.


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and call you when a customer service rep
comes on the line.

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Head Set or microphone and speakers? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A reader complained that three years ago I had recommended the 
DELL Color Laser 1320C, because it was under $200 and because
there were cartridges available at a decent price, but that DELL 
showed it now at well over $300, with cartridges costing again
as much.

Well, shop around!
By the way, that printer is still working fine, printing from three 
computers without any hassle whatsoever. It has a toner-saving
mode for archive stuff like on-line invoices and similar items, 
that you just file and probably won't ever look at again, and you
can switch to that mode right from the keyboard. And it is fast!

In summary, it is a great printer.
The price for it is still well under $150 at Amazon.
I get the toner cartridges from AltalnticInkJet 
for about a third of what DELL charges. Some places have toner 
for even less, but with toner you might want to consider 
quality and go with a dealer, that has been around for a long time.

I used to buy ink in jugs from AltalnticInkJet
and toner for the last three years, and always have been quite
happy with the quality and speed of delivery.

So, with a bit of shopping around, you can actually get an even
better deal now than I did three years ago.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." --- W. M. Lewis "Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be." --- Jeremy Schwartz
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “the doctor is going to a golf tournament and has to do a lot of practising beforehand. We can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.” “But I could be dead by then!” “That's no problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”
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This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit, go sell!" The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!" The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi - Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!" "No," shouted the man, "this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!" As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!" At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and reports, "I sold 8 Bibles today." The second reports, "I sold 11 Bibles today." The third worker reports, "To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!" "Great," says the man. "However, I want you to sell a lot more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!" At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles." The second worker reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today." The third worker reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles." "Fantastic," said the man, "since you're doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don't you tell them what your sales technique is." Replied the worker, "I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b--b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi - want to buy a Bi--b--a - a- abi - buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to READ it to 'em?"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Delta flight crew Pandemnium over strip PASSENGERS on a US flight were shocked to see a woman strip naked and be restrained by flight attendants. The incident happened on the weekend on board a Delta Airlines flight between Chicago and New York, US. The woman, described as "emotionally disturbed", took off her clothes as the plane began its descent into Kennedy Airport and the flight crew "created a ruckus" about it, the Associated Press reported. The woman - estimated to be in her late 20s - "stripped nude during the flight and was restrained on the plane and taken into custody by local law enforcement upon landing. A Newsday news manager who was on the flight said flight attendants tried to cover the woman with a blanket while she yelled "No! No! No!" A spokeswoman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey said the woman was taken to a medical centre. She is not expected to be charged over the incident, since she did not endanger the plane or passengers. All she did was panic some flight attendants, who were perturbed about some people possibly enjoying the free strip show.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: Head-set or microphone and speakers? Dear Webby, I want to get my mother set up for chat. What would be better, a headset or separate microphone and speakers? I did connect her speaker wires to her big living room HiFi the way you suggested, and she is quite happy with that. Not all neighbors are, but she is. How much is a decent microphone? Thanks Ellen --------------------- Dear Ellen Since she has the speaker issue solved, all she really needs is a good desk microphone, like the Ultra U12-40542, $13 at Tigerdirect. It is omnidirectional, so that she can walk around, and it is noise cancelling. Steady noise like a fan or traffic is cancelled, but the clink of setting a cup onto a saucer will come through with full volume. Like most modern microphones, it is more accurate than necessary, especially at the high end. A finger from an old knit glove over the microphone will usually smooth that quite nicely. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Controlling Christmas Tree Debris Tired of those flying Christmas tree needles? Control them by wrapping your tree in a fitted sheet. Before we bring our tree inside we first spray our tree with a hose to wash the dust and bugs off. Let it dry sitting in a bucket of water. Then we lay it on a fitted sheet, roll it and the sheet together wrapping the sheet around the tree and secure it with clothes pins. Now we can take it stump end first into the house without it shooting needles everywhere. We also spread a flat sheet on the floor under our tree holder or in our case a 5 gallon bucket of sand since we cut our own tree. While we still have the fitted sheet around the tree, we get it set in the bucket or holder without getting poked, thanks to the sheet. Then we remove the sheet and decorate the tree. By having the flat sheet spread out on the floor it catches anything we would knock off while decorating and before we spread out the skirt we just bunch the sheet up around the tree holder or bucket. When we take the tree down, we just pull the tree out of the holder, and wrap the tree in the flat sheet. Out the door we go without a mess again. Works wonderfully and there are no more needles in the carpet! By latrtatr from Loup City, NE Motion detector light switches are not just for forgetful people. They are a MAJOR convenience for all areas, that you normally enter or leave with your hands full, like the pantry, the coffee maker end of the kitchen, etc. These are not the big outdoor motion lights, but simply a replacement wall switch, for example Home Depot Motion Switch Model # SL-6105-WH Internet # 100654964 Use the Internet number for free shipping. They cost around $15, but they outlast manual switches, because you never have to touch them. They simply replace the old, manual wall switch. You don't have to mess with the lights at all, just replace the wall switch and set the delay time with the little wheel in it. Usually a minute after the last motion is plenty. The switch on it has 3 positions: OFF, Motion, ON In the OFF position, it disregards motion and stays off. In the ON position it stays on, even if there is no motion. If you need to send an affordable gift, that will REALLY be appreciated, you probably can't find anything better than a motion switch. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Daffinitions: Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer, you know. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An Irishman walks into a bar, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the day when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's just me. I've quit drinking."

» Hot Food 4 Cold Day





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Conservative vs Green 

If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Green doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Green is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Green is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Green wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Greens demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Green non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Green demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Conservative reads this, he'll tell his friends so they can have a good laugh.
A Green will demand this post be deleted because he's "offended".



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Outlook Express not showing images 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, November 29, 2010
Thanks Aletta!

Everybody seems to be talking about the WikiLeaks. What's the
big deal? It's just low level gossip between the staff, the same as
I am sure goes on between bored paper pushers in any country.

Yes, sure it is a bit embarrassing to see in print, what the bozos
and bimbos waste their time on, and what politicians expect from 
diplomats, should they ever sober up. But that is not really news.

I find it funny, that the central document repository has been
set up in Bush's first term, but it has never been abused 
until now. 

It is easy enough to set up the repository for single question 
search only, and prevent bulk downloads, and I imagine that
has been done by now. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"You can't lead anyone else further than you have gone yourself." --- Gene Mauch A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones
At one Army base, the trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second time in a row, but the physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"
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By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked. "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game." "How long could that have taken you?" "Well, I had to toss it 74 times."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lucas Zetsch, 25 in Berlin, Germany Squeaky Bed lands couple in court A Berlin couple ended up in court because their bed made too much noise during lovemaking. Stefanie Mueller, 24, faced a fine for a night of passion with partner Lucas Zetsch, 25, that woke up the neighbourhood. Police said they received ten complaints from neighbours of the pair in the suburb of Lichtenberg, reports the Daily Telegraph. The couple were summoned under anti noise-pollution laws but refused to pay the $135 penalty. That led to a court hearing in Berlin where Miss Mueller, a hotel worker, insisted: "We weren't that loud." The judge said; "Perhaps not you, but your bed. We have witness statements that it was heard banging and squeaking around the neighbourhood from 11.30pm until 1am the next morning." Mr Zetsch told the court: "It was totally normal sex, nothing exciting", which led Miss Mueller to snap: "Thanks - that was nice", before walking out of the courtroom. In the end, the judge threw the case out as the complainants did not show up for the hearing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: OE not showing images Dear Webby, I had to redo my computer and had just purchased reigistry booster is there any way to redown load this program? Also you mentioned how to open pictures in Windows 7 I have Windows XP and have the same problem of not showing pictures. I also have Outlook Express which I know you are not found of--- is there some way to get them to open without having to go view then click on blocked images? I love your newsletter and jokes and all the pictures--- usually first thing I look at first is the computer hints. Thank you for a great site. Shirley --------------------- Dear Shirley You can get your Registry Booster serial number at this link: http://www.uniblue.com/support/myorders/ Just put in the email address, that you used to order it, and they will instantly mail you your Order History. Your serial number is in that. Then just download the newest version of Registry Booster from http://download.uniblue.com/support/rb/latest/registrybooster.exe install it, and use your serial number to activate it. I just did that now to make sure I am giving you correct advice. Slick and fast, and the new version is even better. re Outlook Express, you will have to ask Microsoft about that. They are paying hordes of Taliban to explain the "features" of Outlook Express. UPDATE: Dear Webby Me again, on the blocked images Microsoft says if it is unblocked it could cause spam-- I did find how to get it so pictures will show but now will it be safe to do the unblocking of the images? I value your expert advise and will do nothing until I hear from you. Thank you once again, Shirley Dear Shirley What a bunch of Idjits! Next, I suppose they are going to tell you that showing images causes Global Warming! Whether you display images or not is not going to make any difference at all to the amount of spam, that you have already received and that is already sitting on your machine, or to the amount of spam that you are gong to get. It is not going to make any more difference to spam than changing your default font. It is just a display setting. It never ceases to amaze me what kind of morons Microsoft hires to give them a bad name. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby, Thank so very much. I went in and unchecked the block images just as was told to do and love it love it love it. Great and was fast showing the picture. Love your advise. Thanks once again Shirley
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Classified Ads: ~ 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. ~ A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. ~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. ~ Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. ~ Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Electricity with Motion Detector Light Switches A good way to save on electric bills, especially when you have someone in the home who forgets to turn out the lights, is to install motion detector switches. These are great. They turn themselves on when you enter the room and off when you exit. By Carla from Huntington, WV Motion detector light switches are not just for forgetful people. They are a MAJOR convenience for all areas, that you normally enter or leave with your hands full, like the pantry, the coffee maker end of the kitchen, etc. These are not the big outdoor motion lights, but simply a replacement wall switch, for example Home Depot Motion Switch Model # SL-6105-WH Internet # 100654964 Use the Internet number for free shipping. They cost around $15, but they outlast manual switches, because you never have to touch them. They simply replace the old, manual wall switch. You don't have to mess with the lights at all, just replace the wall switch and set the delay time with the little wheel in it. Usually a minute after the last motion is plenty. The switch on it has 3 positions: OFF, Motion, ON In the OFF position, it disregards motion and stays off. In the ON position it stays on, even if there is no motion. If you need to send an affordable gift, that will REALLY be appreciated, you probably can't find anything better than a motion switch. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was a young Scottish lad named Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Scotland to see how her son was doing in his new life. "I'm fine," Angus said, "But there are some really strange people living here in Australia. One woman cries all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time." "Well, ma wee laddie," said his mother, "I suggest you don't associate with people like that." "Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Ma'am, I don't. No, I just stay inside ma apartment all day and night, playing ma bagpipes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I told him: "I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel, driving a relatively slow vehicle those long distances." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."

» Amazing Photos





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The Wedding Ring 


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How to Wreck A Car 

This is what this boy's 1985 black Pontiac Firebird muscle car looked like after he thought it would be cool to overtake a police cruiser at 100 MPH






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Google Chrome changes settings for other programs 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, November 28, 2010

Space enthusiasts are hurrying to Santa Barbara County in 
California to hopefully catch a glimpse of the X-37B Space Plane,
landing at Vandenberg Air Force Base. It has been in space 
since April 22 and rumor has it, that it might be coming back 
down this week. The X-37B looks similar to the Shuttle, but
is a trim military spec racer, not a deluxe VIP school bus.
So far the mission has been quite a success.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer
While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking about the NATO phonetic alphabet. She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..." But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help. I offered a hint: "What AREN'T you wearing today?" "Underwear?" she replied. (Actually, the mnemonic for U is Uniform)
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ricky New, 45, of Aiken, South Carolina Lawn mower as get-away vehicle too slow A US man was arrested after he held up a convenience store with a stick - then tried to make his getaway on a lawn mower. Police say Ricky New, 45, of Aiken, South Carolina, has been charged with assault and armed robbery following the "stick up". He is accused of walking into the Kent's Korner store where he ordered the clerks to "give me your damn money", reports the Aiken Standard. He began to hit one of the clerks with the stick, said sheriff's office spokesman Capt Elwell. She threw her arm up to protect herself from the attack and was struck on the arm several times. "She was bruised, but she is OK," Capt Elwell added. "He received an undisclosed amount of money and fled the scene on his getaway vehicle - a Craftsman riding lawn mower." Sheriff's deputies caught up with Wood, who had disguised his identity by putting a white towel over his head, a short time later.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Can't click on links in mail Dear Webby, I got my problem solved (not being able to click on the URL's) I called Embarqmail, like you said, and we determined that, when I had downloaded Google Chrome the other day and didn't like it, and tried to uninstall it, it put a pop up blocker on and that was causing the trouble. Glad it got fixed - hopefully others who try it and uninstall won't have the trouble I did! Thanks for all great newsletter. Carolyn --------------------- Dear Carolyn Glad you got it fixed. You are not the only one unhappy with Google Chrome. Apparently it messes with quite a few settings, that affect other programs. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Thanks to ********* * Name withheld by request I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Electricity with Motion Detector Light Switches A good way to save on electric bills, especially when you have someone in the home who forgets to turn out the lights, is to install motion detector switches. These are great. They turn themselves on when you enter the room and off when you exit. By Carla from Huntington, WV Motion detector light switches are not just for forgetful people. They are a MAJOR convenience for all areas, that you normally enter or leave with your hands full, like the pantry, the coffee maker end of the kitchen, etc. These are not the big outdoor motion lights, but simply a replacement wall switch, for example Home Depot Motion Switch Model # SL-6105-WH Internet # 100654964 Use the Internet number for free shipping. They simply replace the old, manual wall switch. You don't have to mess with the lights at all, just replace the wall switch and set the delay time with the little wheel in it. Usually a minute after the last motion is plenty. They cost around $15, but they outlast manual switches, because you never have to touch them. If you need to send an affordable gift, that will REALLY be appreciated, you probably can't find anything better than a motion switch. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather heavy curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "Holy Shit!!!! Five Thousand!!! That will fix the church roof!"

» WorldWide Telescope





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Can't click on links in mail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, November 27, 2010

Quite frequently people ask me about whether those 4-in-one 
flatbed inkjet printers are worth what they cost.
They are not.
For what they cost, you can get a very nice color laser,
that will last five to ten times as long, plus an el-cheapo
top-feed scanner.

You can run the fax right from Windows, even if you are
on dial-up, and anything you scan, you can print with the 
laser printer. There is your color copier.

The cost per page is much lower with a laser printer, and
you never have any ink dry up or go bad. They use a powder,
that is already dry, and have an auger in each powder cartridge
to make sure the powder does not settle and cake up during
extended periods of unused storage.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A poem is never finished, only abandoned. --- Paul Valery Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. -- Laurence J. Peter
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking at me." "Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Tammy goes to the hospital desk and says she needs to see an upturn. The nurse says, "You mean 'intern'." "Whatever. I need to get a contamination." The nurse corrected her, "You mean an 'examination'." "Whatever. I think I need to go to the fraternity ward." Again, the nurse corrected her: "You mean the 'maternity' ward." "Upturn / Intern, contamination / examination, fraternity / maternity, WHATEVER ! All I know is that I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant !"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathan Alan Bramlage, 23 in Eugene, Oregon Phone call from police lobby leads to arrest EUGENE, Ore. (AP) - The young man apparently just wanted to phone his parents. But his mistake came when he made the call from the Eugene, Ore., police station lobby. Police say an officer working a desk assignment Wednesday recognized the man from surveillance footage of Tuesday's robbery of a Wells Fargo bank branch. The officer notified detectives, who arrested the man nearby. Police say 23-year-old Nathan Alan Bramlage was booked into the Lane County Jail for investigation of second-degree robbery and violating probation. Detective Ralph Burks tells the Register-Guard, "I just assume that he didn't believe that we'd recognize him."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Can't click on links in mail Dear Webby, for some reason when I tried to click on any URL today, it won't work. I couldn't click to vote or click on Dianne's link. I sent this email to Yahoo and could vote for you there. Any idea why this won't work? I tried other mail and get the same thing, can't click onto URL's. Thanks for any help you can give - enjoy your letter each day. Carolyn --------------------- Dear Carolyn Since you can click OK while on Yahoo, it's not your computer's fault. It must be something to do with your embarqmail. Contact their support. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Sally is employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest and trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man shrugged, "Yeah, well, that's the one and only fringe benefit I get these days for owning the company."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Allow Your Dishwasher to Air Dry Hello dishwasher FIENDS! To save energy costs, I fire off that sucker just an hour before bed time, then when it's done washing, I crack it open and let it air dry. If you are picky, this will not eliminate all of the water spots, but your dishes will be clean! I am not a fan of "spotless" but I am satisfied with saving money without that heat cycle. I changed all of my light bulbs and watched where the heat goes, my energy bill is always below $35.00. Good luck. Source: This is my tip along with tips from my energy company. By Sue from Oroville, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mother: "Where is your dad ?" "Well," her son replied thoughtfully, "if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, then he's out canoeing. If he knows as little about it as I think he does, then he's out swimming."

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How do I get the pictures from a PPS file? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, November 26, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

A few readers commented about my remarks about UPS cross
border problems and related similar tales of woe. A lot more,
though, wanted to find out, what that was all about.

First I want to state that for LOCAL shipments, UPS is OK. Not 
the best deal, but not really a problem. 

The problem with UPS is at the border. They charge you an
outrageous border handling fee, that frequently is more than 
the shipped item is worth.

And example of how they rip you off is at Why NOT UPS

Since then I specify on each order:
Order canceled if shipped via UPS.

When some idiot ships via UPS anyway, I refuse to accept it
and tell them where they can stuff it. And I claim back my
payment for the item. Not what I ordered.
They don't make that mistake twice.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

"The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." --- Samuel Taylor Coleridge "A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's." --- Richard Whately
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

One night at McCord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence where an alarm had gone off. The fence was at the end of the base runway. When I got to the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran around and flapped my arms to scare the animal away. Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over the public-address system and announced loudly, "Attention to the airman at the end of the runway. You are cleared for takeoff."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan McNames, 19, in Columbia, Missouri Complaint about prostitutes lands man in jail A Columbia man was arrested after complaining to police that he was ripped off by two prostitutes. Ryan McNames: Sought money back from prostitutes Officers were dispatched to a complaint of theft around 7 p.m. Saturday, said Columbia police spokeswoman Officer Jessie Haden. Ryan M. McNames, 19, of 2701 E. Nifong Blvd. told officers he offered two women $60 for one of them to show him her chest and for the other to perform oral sex on him. After he placed payment on a stereo, one of the prostitutes showed him her chest, but the second did not perform oral sex, Haden said. The women took the money and left. McNames requested that the officer contact the women and get them to return at least $40 for an incomplete transaction. He told the officer he knew it was illegal but that he had made similar transactions before. McNames was arrested on suspicion of patronizing prostitution and released from the Boone County Jail after posting a $500 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donny Re: How do I get the pictures from a PPS Dear Webby, Is there any way to save individual pics from a Power Point presentation ? Do I need special software ? Thanks in advance - I know you always have a solution !!!! Donny --------------------- Dear Donny Yes, there sure is! Just get Open Office from http://openoffice.org It is a complete office suite like Microsoft Office, but it is free. The IMPRESS program in it will by default open PPS files in editing mode, ready for you to harvest pictures. For playing the PPS show, hit F5. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Sol Goldbaum, an elderly Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that roast beef," he said. "That's not roast beef," the clerk said loudly, "it's ham." "Sonny," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Baking Christmas Cookies After Thanksgiving Just after Thanksgiving I start making my Christmas cookies. Each weekend I'll make a triple batch of one type of cookie. I'll scoop the cookies onto wax paper lined cookie sheets and cover with foil. Then I pop them into the freezer overnight. The next day I put the cookies in labeled zip top bags. As Christmas nears and I need cookies, I pull out a few of each kind, allow them to thaw about 30 minutes and bake. Presto! All different kinds of fresh baked cookies. The last batch is as fresh as the first. By Anniem from KS http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain got even worse. They jumped in the car, started it up and soon had mud flying everywhere. They were laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger man screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old man sofly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?" The passenger , terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!" "Well give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver shrieked, without letting his foot off the accelerator. So the passenger fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells at the driver "Step on it!!", rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?" The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "aaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger yells. "Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakely says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. He throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!" The speedometer now shows about 100 miles an hour and they are still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear. The old man smiles and gently asks, "Do you want some help getting out of the mud?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. 'So, you've been out drinking again!!' 'How did you know?' he asks. 'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.'

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Perfection 


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Thanks! 

Every day we have something to be thankful for.





Today we are thankful that the photographer was not standing on the other side.



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Kudos for Tiger! 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving, if you are in the USA!

Kudos to TigerDirect!

Before the net, I used to buy computer stuff from Tiger by
regular mail, after browsing their paper catalog. I have
always been happy with their fast and efficient service,
until UPS and their sleazy border rip-off soured that,
until Tiger opened http://www.tigerdirect.ca/

Yesterday a friend asked me how she could get a computer
to her son in the US in a hurry. No company would ship to
an address that was different from a credit card address.

No problem! (That used to be my nickname, when I was a
Journeyman Electromechanic)
Go to tigerDirect.com, and see if this model will do.
Sent her the link via Skype. Yes, that was fine, but, but, but.....

No Problem. Slide me that amount plus $20 for shipping via
PayPal and tell me your son's shipping address.

Then I called Tiger and after fudging my way through the
whispered voice menu by hitting # a few times, talked to Jean.
Friendly, clear voice, easy to understand even with my tin ears.
I asked him if he could process the order manually and send 
me a PayPal invoice. Sure. 

A few minutes later I got the request to authorize in my email, 
clicked on it. Then I got an email to call their verification 
number. I did, but because I use Skype to call, they did not 
see my number and called me back.
Yep. Still the same voice. All OK. 
An hour later the computer was picked up by UPS.
Thanks, Jean!

Don't try that with the Taliban at HP or any other company, 
but at TigerDirect, there are friendly people, who are on YOUR
side, who actually listen and who can handle non-standard 
situations.

If you want to send a computer or computer related stuff
to somebody for Christmas, like for example a head set for mom,
Tiger will take care of it. 
Don't be shy about calling their free number: 800-800-8300

By the way, I am not an affiliate or seller for Tiger, 
just giving credit where credit is due.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Rosemarie for this one: Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne. The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland." "How can you tell?" asked the American. "I can feel the cold air." he replied. A few days later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said. "How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert." Several more days later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over Washington." The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?!" they exclaimed. The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. "My watch is missing."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

I stopped at a roadside stand in Southern California that sold fruit, vegetables, and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. I commented on how colorful it was. "My boyfriend didn't approve of the old one," she said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared, "Local Honey Dates Nuts."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to tree dopes in Portsmouth, RI: Sean Riley, 45, David Nicholson, 19 and Ryan Souza, 19 Portsmouth man faces pot charge after reporting theft PORTSMOUTH, R.I. -- Something seemed suspicious, then ridiculous. Two young men were seen carrying a safe. They took it out of a house, down a driveway and into a car. This was at 2:40 p.m. Thursday on Martens Road, just before a resident on the street decided he had seen enough, and called the police. Officers spotted the car and pulled it over on East Main Road near the intersection of Sandy Point Avenue. "In the back of the vehicle was a safe," said Lt. Brian Peters of the Portsmouth Police Department. The two men, both 19, were brought to the police station for questioning. And while they were being questioned, the police received a call from a man reporting his safe was stolen. Come on down, the police said. So, Sean Riley, 45, of 33 Martens Road got in his car and drove to the police station to retrieve his safe. The police were able to open the safe with Riley's assistance. "He gave us the code," Peters said. "He wanted to prove it was his safe." "When the officers opened it up, they got quite a surprise," Peters said. The safe contained more than $5,000 and about two pounds of marijuana, according to Peters. This discovery fascinated the officers, who wondered what else Riley might possess. So they went to his house. "We found 14 marijuana plants growing in a shed at the rear of his property," Peters said. "And we found additional marijuana inside the home." Riley was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver. The two burglary suspects were arrested, too. David Nicholson of 602 Black Point Lane, Portsmouth, and Ryan Souza of 24 Eric Court, Portsmouth, were both charged with breaking and entering and larceny over $500. In addition, both were charged with possession of marijuana. No, the marijuana possession charge has nothing to do with the marijuana that was in the safe in the back of the car. "When they were stopped, they were found to have marijuana under their seat," Peters said. Everyone involved is scheduled to be arraigned Friday in District Court in Newport.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gale Re: Fragmentation and non-removeable pictures Dear Webby, Thank you for your quick response to my computer problem/question. I downloaded DiskKeeper and ran it. It showed a lot of corrupt files. When it was done it said it had restore about 50% later I notice it said 100%. I was shocked that I had so many corrupt files and was wondering how files get conrupt. Web sites I visit, downloads, emails or any number of things is what my conclusion was. Am I right in my thinking? As I was going through my computer cleaning things out, I came upon some pictures that had become attached to my computer from emails where I downloaded the pictures. There is no way I can find to get them off. No delete option, right click doesn't work, highlighting them didn't work either. I am at a lost how to rid my computer of them. There are many of them that I have gotten over the past and I always try to delete after viewing so as not to use up memory space on my computer. Apparently I could delete the email but the pictures stayed on my computer. Any idea about how to rid myself of them? Thank you for all your help. I really, really appreciate it. Gale Thank you, --------------------- Dear Gale File fragmentation happens when you save anything more than once. Let's say you start writing a book, and you got the auto-save set for 2 minutes. Then you get sidetracked and have to do some banking. You save that too. That gets parked next to where you had saved the book. Now as you write more, that stuff does not have room there, and gets put into any other open spot. That slot may be small, and after a few minutes of writing, stuff has to be put into a third location. So, pretty soon, that book file is actually 27 fragments spread all over the place. Naturally, it takes the computer a lot more time to cope with fragmented files, than when each one is in just ONE location. And it uses up a lot of RAM to track all th fragments. DisKeeper finds empty spaces, and moves the fragments of each file together into contiguous slots. That takes big load off the computer, especially the RAM. Of course, gradually stuff gets fragmented again. That is why you schedule DisKeeper to run either whenever the screen saver comes on, or at certain times of the night. As for weeding out pictures, that depends a lot on what email program you use. With Eudora, there is a folder called Embedded and one for Attachments. You can browse in there with a graphics program or even the File Explorer set to show thumbnails, sort them by size and get rid of the silly Incredimail nuisances and similar text decorations, and then weed out the rest. Just make it a habit to go in there and weed, whenever you are on hold on a phone. Eudora has had that set-up since the late 80's and most other email programs copied that concept and have similar features. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
From Lisa (legally blonde): After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new tele- phone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Substitute Broth in Place of Milk Homemade Suet Keep an old coffee can and drain your beef or bacon grease into the can. When you have enough, melt it down. Add a little flour, some sunflower seeds and even a little peanut butter, and then refrigerate. When it goes solid, you can put in a suet cage or nail it to a tree for the birds. By Gooby from Straughn, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Felix was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing we always ask is, 'Is it on fire?'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water." "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

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Why? I Ask You Why? 


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Help Wanted 


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Virtual Memory Problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Gullible Warming is currently: -31
There was some nice red and orange in the sunset, so it should
be getting nicer in the next few days. 

There were quite a few comments and questions about what I do 
with my fridge and freezer to save $100 a year. Basically, 
a fridge or freezer takes calories out of the interior of it, and 
puts them outside.The cooler it is outside, around the 
condenser radiator, where it pushes the calories off,
the less electricity is required to do that.

In winter it is handy, when the fridge pumps all that waste heat
into the kitchen, but for most of the year, it is a lot more 
convenient, when the kitchen stays cool. If you are in a warm 
climate, and need to run an air conditioner, it gets really
silly, paying for heating up the kitchen with the fridge / freezer,
and then paying for pumping that heat outside with the air 
conditioner. 

By sticking my fridge/freezer (almost) through the wall, like
a window or wall air conditioner, I eliminate all that hassle
and expense.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. --- Steven Wright There is only one activity that is more boring than fishing: Watching somebody fishing. --- Socratex
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want to get my hands onto whoever it was, that pushed me in !!!"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. There was this young nurse. Every time she came in, she talked to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice: "And how are we doing this morning?" Well, this is a story of revenge. He had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went. The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it. "It seems we are a little cloudy today." At this he snatches the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top and chugs it, saying "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Salvatore LaRosa, 25, Staten Island Robber made off with wrong dough How did the mugger botch the robbery of a Staten Island pizza man? He grabbed the wrong bag of dough, of course. Salvatore LaRosa, 25, wasn't laughing when he surrendered to the feds on Friday to be charged in what authorities said would have been been a well-planned stickup. LaRosa and an unidentified accomplice allegedly followed the owners of Brother's Pizzeria home on June 30, 2008. They put on masks and confronted the victims at gunpoint in their driveway, according to a complaint unsealed Monday in Brooklyn Federal Court. The assailants demanded one of the shopkeepers hand over a bag - thinking it contained the day's proceeds, officials said. "The bag that was stolen contained pizza dough," Drug Enforcement Administration agent Kristie Osswald stated in the complaint. Even though it wasn't cash, the robbery victim resisted and was shot twice in the legs. LaRosa was released Monday on $1 million bail, small change for a crook like him.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gale Re: Not enough virtual memory Dear Webby, I have a computer question for you. My computer gives me messages that my virtual memory is low or I am low on memory. I have done nothing to use up memory like downloads or anything like that. I have checked your tool box and didn't see anything to clean up or refigure my computer. I have used ccrap cleaner, run disk defra, disk cleaner and history delete. I have turned off my computer and rebooted it to restore anything or reset things they made have needed it. Also when I am typing an email, my words come up later then sooner so I can't see what I am typing as I go. Then all of a sudden everything appears like it should have done all alone. I am at a lost as to what is happening or why. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you, Gale --------------------- Dear Gale "Virtual Memory" is a space on the hard drive fenced off and reserved to act like RAM, whenever the real RAM is full. Normally, the size of that fenced off area is set to twice the amount of real RAM, that is installed. You can change that size though Control Panel, System. Personally, especially since sbcglobal/yahoo is involved, I would run a full McAfee scan and find out, what is using that much RAM. If McAfee does not find and remove anything suspicious, then I would use DisKeeper to thoroughly check the hard drive. On my machines DisKeeper is installed the day I get the machines, and runs every night, and I don't get those problems. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you lazy bum! Get out of bed!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Substitute Broth in Place of Milk I've recently found out I'm lactose intolerant. One of my greatest discoveries is all the ways I can use chicken, beef or vegetable broth in place of milk: mashed potatoes, gravies, soups, omelets, "creamed" dishes, etc. I use low sodium chicken broth most often. For mashed potatoes, I use chicken broth, soy or olive oil margarine, unflavored non-dairy creamer, pinch of salt, pepper and a dash of garlic powder. Even my picky husband likes them. For creamed dishes I'll use chicken broth and the creamer. The same for pancakes and biscuits. Experiment: you'll find the amounts and combination you like. Broths and creamer are inexpensive if you buy store brands and stock up when they're on sale. Bonus: Helps in weight loss. By Shirley from Sandusky, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

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Kid Safe Fun 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
It's Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Gullible Warming has sunk to a new low: -30

This afternoon I took the front cover from the bottom of the fridge, 
so that now it is pumping the waste heat into the kitchen, 
instead of outside. It is not quite as energy efficient that
way, but if the cooling air on the hot grid gets below -30,
the newfangled freon substitutes stop working, and the freezer
will thaw out. I sure don't want to risk the berries and 
rhubarb, that I put in there during summer and fall!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable." --- Seneca
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Fred was in the hospital recovering from a bypass operation. A member of his church's council came to visit. He said he brought greetings from the entire council and their wishes that he should recover soon and live a long and healthy life. Fred thanked him and said that was very nice. He was somewhat taken aback and said, "It's more than 'nice,' Father Fred. It was an official resolution ... passed by a vote of 14 to 12."
Thanks to Graham for sending these pictures by Martin Nyfeler Click through the picture to the large version. OOOPS! Click through the picture to the large version. Let's see who has more traction now! Click through the picture to the large version. We are going to fight on MY turf! Click through the picture to the large version. You leave Daddy alone! THUMP! oofffff... Apparently, when the kid cracked the crocodile's ribs, it let go of daddy's trunk.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Virginia Magana, 39, Erica Jimenez, 18 of Modesto, California Mother, Daughter, Teen Accused of Robbing Elderly Woman of Purse CALIFORNIA – A mother, her daughter, and a 13-year-old girl face charges after a robbery of an elderly woman in a shopping center parking lot. The incident happened on Monday around 11:30 a.m. Police responded to the Target store in north Modesto for a purse snatching. A 74-year-old female was walking to a bus stop when a young female approached her from behind and yanked her purse off her shoulder. The juvenile ran to a waiting white Mazda that was occupied by several other subjects. As the vehicle sped away, it crashed into a nearby decorative rock and lost the front license plate. The vehicle continued to flee the scene, running over and killing a cat that was in its path. When officers arrived, they checked the license plate and identified the owner. They went to the residence and arrested Virginia Magana, a 39-year-old Modesto resident, when she arived home in that vehicle. Magana was taken into custody without incident. Investigators were able to identify two more suspects who were involved. They arrested Magana ‘s daughter, 18-year-old Erica Jimenez, and a 13-year-old female Modesto resident. Police believe the women were actively looking for a victim when they found the 74-year-old elderly female. Virginia Magana faces charges of robbery, conspiracy, and hit and run. Erica Jimenez faces charges of robbery, conspiracy, and elder abuse. Both were booked into the Stanislaus County Public Safety Center. The 13-year-old female faces charges of robbery, conspiracy, and elder abuse. She was booked into the Stanislaus County Juvenile Hall.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Reba Re: Kid safe fun site Dear Webby Dear Webby Do you have an address for a site that is 100% child safe and still interesting enough to make them forget about fights, etc and that will keep them from straying into areas they are not supposed to go to? Thanks Reba --------------------- Dear Reba have a look at this animal: A Bisleponky ! Where can it be found ? In imagination ! Send them to the SwitchZoo at http://www.switchzoo.com/zoo.htm and let them combine parts of different animals to create new ones like the Bisleponky above. It's easy and it's a hoot, even for adults. The site is very well made and perfectly clean. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
One evening, Joanne and two girlfriends went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, they felt old by comparison, but before they could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached them. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," Joanne thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of her friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Substitute Broth in Place of Milk I've recently found out I'm lactose intolerant. One of my greatest discoveries is all the ways I can use chicken, beef or vegetable broth in place of milk: mashed potatoes, gravies, soups, omelets, "creamed" dishes, etc. I use low sodium chicken broth most often. For mashed potatoes, I use chicken broth, soy or olive oil margarine, unflavored non-dairy creamer, pinch of salt, pepper and a dash of garlic powder. Even my picky husband likes them. For creamed dishes I'll use chicken broth and the creamer. The same for pancakes and biscuits. Experiment: you'll find the amounts and combination you like. Broths and creamer are inexpensive if you buy store brands and stock up when they're on sale. Bonus: Helps in weight loss. By Shirley from Sandusky, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?" Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Dina was driving down a highway and all of a sudden a cop sitting on the roadside turns on his flashing red lights. Upon seeing the red lights she pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the cop. When the cop gets there he says to the her, "Lady you were doing 43 miles per hour in a 30 mile an hour zone." Dina said, "No I wasn't. The sign back there said 43." To this the cop snaps back, "Lady, look ... that was a highway number sign, this is highway 43 and your doing 43 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone." Dina repeats her story again claiming she was not speeding. The cop scratches his head and returns to his car to ask his bald partner what he should do. After telling his bald partner the story, his partner says, "Bill, you better give her a ticket. The 401 is just up ahead and with this old patrol car we'll never catch her there." That apparently was a recurring problem, and they renamed the 401, the TransCanada, to #1, and then to "Highway Of Heroes" to honor the troops we lost in Afghanistan. Highway of Heroes

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TSA Porn 


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Moving A Computer 

Sometimes it becomes necessary to move your computer to a new location for whatever reason; installing/adding new hardware or just decided to move it for "easier access", for instance (note easier access in quotation marks).
Whatever your reason is, this handy guide may help you alleviate some of the stress that always arises in such occasions.
Keep in mind that this is a venture only to be undertaken by those who know what they're doing...and masochists.

1. Bone up on your cursing. You will need it later.

2. Pick a "good" spot to locate your computer. Don't be too picky; you will regret having started on this venture soon enough.

3. Disconnect all cables, cords, power sources, umbilical cords and plumbing. Look at the black, gray & white spaghetti mess on the floor and sob. Refer to number 1. While you're at it, it helps to focus on cursing Bill Gates and Steve Jobs for making all this possible.



4. Be sure to dust machine off, since it's been sitting for months in one spot, gathering a dust mound the size of Mt. Rainier. This is especially essential if you have asthma.



5. Now that you've picked a *good* spot, it's time to replace all the cables, cords, etc. Make sure it's in a dark, hard-to-reach location.

6. New computers have color-coded plugs and plugins to make assembly easier. This has no bearing on you since your computer is in a dark, hard-to-reach location and they're all the same color: gray. See number 1.





7. Get a flashlight. Look for new batteries for flashlight you've left in the junk drawer for months. Go to store to buy new flashlight batteries since you don't have any. Rule number 1 is coming in handy now.



8. While inserting various cords and cables, be sure to drop at least one on the floor behind the desk, where it will take a contortionist to retrieve it.

9. Find out that your printer cable is now not long enough to reach the computer (see number 1). Oh well, you didn't use it that much anyway.

10. Once you have all the cables, etc. back in place, turn computer back on.

11. Sit, puzzled why computer isn't working.



12. Plug monitor in.

13. Ponder why keyboard and mouse don't work.



14. Switch keyboard and mouse plugins.

15. Call spouse in to admire your handiwork.

16. Spouse informs you that he/she liked it better where it was, and to move it back.

17. When asked why you're banging your head on the monitor, don't reply. It would only confuse him/her.



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Dear Santa 

Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.





Santa wrote back:

"Send me your mother..."



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RAM or Monitor? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, November 22, 2010

"... from the Lakehead east over to Montreal they're getting rain, 
freezing rain, ice crystals and snow... something about an 
Alberta Clipper.."

That was the Chinook that took care of a lot of my leaves a week 
and a half ago. After loosing it's warmth while picking up
moisture across the prairies, when it collided with the even
colder and wetter Altantic air, it got nasty. Seems to have
spared Chicago this time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

"Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." --- Suzie W. age 7 Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. -- Dale Carnegie
There was this man who had a dog which he was attempting to train, but alas had very little success. He was on the verge of despair when he happened across a very charismatic evangelist. He unburdened his soul to the preacher, who promptly informed him to leave the dog with him, and he would have it trained in a jiffy. The next day the man returns, and asks how the evangelist got on. The reply was positive, and the evangelist calls the dog to give a demonstration. Picking up a stick, he throws it and says, "Fetch." Instantly the dog takes off, grabs the stick and returns. The evangelist says, "Drop" and the dog drops the stick at his feet. "Roll over," and the dog rolls over. By this time the dog's owner is very excited, and asks if he can have a go. "Sure," replies the evangelist. "Heel!" says the owner and the dog lifts one paw, places it on the man's forehead and says, "I command this sickness to leave you..."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

In the faculty lounge of an elementary school some teachers were talking about reincarnation. One teacher remarked "If there's anything to the idea of reincarnation, I know what I'd like to come back as." "Oh, tell us what," said a couple of colleagues. "I'd like to come back," said the teacher, "as a really nasty childhood disease."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture Click through the picture to the large version. dendrobium
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Lee Riojas, 25, Fort Worth, Texas Hospital Sex With Student Sinks Teacher NOVEMBER 18--A Texas science teacher charged with having sex with a male student first engaged in illicit conduct while the teen was hospitalized for an injury sustained during a high school football game. That’s just one of the creepy revelations in an arrest warrant filed against Jennifer Lee Riojas, 25, who was arrested yesterday for sexual assault of a child. Riojas is pictured above in a mug shot taken after a prior drunk driving arrest. Riojas’s alleged involvement with the boy began last year when he was a 16-year-old sophomore at Fort Worth High School, where she worked as a ninth-grade teacher. The teen told cops that “once he got to know” Riojas, she would attend his football games and he “would spend his lunch period” in her classroom. After the student was injured last December during a game, Riojas visited him at Fort Worth Hospital. There, the boy told detectives, “they engaged in sexual intercourse” in his hospital bed. Subsequent sexual encounters occurred at local hotels, the victim recalled, adding that Riojas used a discount coupon when paying for one room. According to CNN, the poor "innocent child" turned her in to the police before he turned 18, when he found out she was pregnant.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: Ram or Monitor Dear Webby I am going to buy myself a brand new computer. I can't quite get my dream system and have to cut corners either on RAM or on monitor size. What is more important? Thanks Rita --------------------- Dear Rita Skimp on the RAM and get the best monitor you can. RAM shortage only leads to temporary annoyances, but a too small or too coarse monitor will lead to vision problems that are permanent. You can always get more RAM later, but you can't get better eyes. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A small group of people were watching from the sidewalk as a huge front-end-loader swiftly excavated the basement hole for a house and neatly stacked the dirt in a huge pile on the side. One of the people complained: "He is taking food out of the mouths of the children of good Union people! Instead of one capitalist getting rich in an hour, twenty Uninon men could earn a living in that hole with shovels and wheelbarrows for a whole month!" A bystander commented: "Yeah, or a whole year if they use tea spoons!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flannel Sheets for a Warm Bed My most favorite way of keeping warm is to use flannel sheets on the bed. Apparently it's a good idea because my two dogs love it, too. I also purchased a electric heater that rolls easily from room to room, great money saver. By Carolyn from Springville, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Flannel sheets retain moisture and even though they still feel cozy, don't have much insulating value, unless they are aired out frequently. Just draping the top sheets and cover over the footboard, so that they AND the bottom sheets are exposed to moving air for a few hours, is enough. You will notice the difference immediately. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was steaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Luce and Lisa were chatting over coffee. Luce said, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye." Luce took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" he cried. "There it goes again!" Said Lisa, "Luce... take the spoon out of the cup."

» The Amazon





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Getting rid of McAfee 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, November 21, 2010

Mother Nature is still rubbing it in, that the Gullible Warming 
hoaxers are klutzy con artists. 
Currently it is -20º, with the moon faintly visible behind a high
thin overcast. That indicates light snow. At this temperature
that is easy to take care off with a broom, if I get to it,
before anybody tramples it down. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. --- Isaac Asimov A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. --- Thomas Mann
On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that. "Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are already dead."
Thanks to Betty for this picture Click through the picture to the large version. "..doing the neighbor's driveway too.." What a great picture!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Lee Riojas, 25, Fort Worth, Texas Hospital Sex With Student Sinks Teacher NOVEMBER 18--A Texas science teacher charged with having sex with a male student first engaged in illicit conduct while the teen was hospitalized for an injury sustained during a high school football game. That’s just one of the creepy revelations in an arrest warrant filed against Jennifer Lee Riojas, 25, who was arrested yesterday for sexual assault of a child. Riojas is pictured in a mug shot taken after a prior drunk driving arrest. Riojas’s alleged involvement with the boy began last year when he was a 16-year-old sophomore at Fort Worth High School, where she worked as a ninth-grade teacher. The teen told cops that “once he got to know” Riojas, she would attend his football games and he “would spend his lunch period” in her classroom. After the student was injured last December during a game, Riojas visited him at Fort Worth Hospital. There, the boy told detectives, “they engaged in sexual intercourse” in his hospital bed. Subsequent sexual encounters occurred at local hotels, the victim recalled, adding that Riojas used a discount coupon when paying for one room. According to CNN, the poor "innocent child" turned her in to the police before he turned 18, when he found out she was pregnant.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rae Re: Getting rid of McAfee Dear Webby love your letter...you helped me once before and hope you can help me again.... how do i get rid of mcafee antivirus plus....the one i did not pay for..... make it simple .. i'm old and only use the computer for my decorative painting sites and emails from other old people..... thanks rae --------------------- Dear Rae It is not a good idea to get rid of McAfee, but if that is indeed what you got talked into, you can go to the Control Panel, Add/Remove programs, and select McAfee. Personally, if somebody tried talking me into getting rid of McAfee, I would treat them the same way, as if they had tried to talk me into NOT locking the doors at night. Hopefully you got good back-ups! You WILL need them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
I gaze at the brilliant moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come closest to Utopia and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. Then I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deodorize Your Oven If baking or roasting anything in your oven leaves an unpleasant odor, leave a shallow bowl of baking soda or white vinegar in the cold oven for a few days or more. This will absorb the odors in the oven. If you are going to use white vinegar, place the bowl on a cookie sheet or something stable so it doesn't spill. Also, do not forget to remove it when you are preheating the oven. If you are forgetful, just be sure to use a oven proof bowl, just in case. By mkymlp from NE PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." "Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." "Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Luce and Lisa were chatting over coffee. Luce said, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye." Luce took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" he cried. "There it goes again!" Said Lisa, "Luce... take the spoon out of the cup."

» Incredible Libraries





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Entering passwords and keys 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, November 20, 2010

Got caught up with the shoveling. In the afternoon it warmed up
to -18 and the wind stopped. In the sun it was actually quite nice.
Now it's -22. Ice age is coming! It IS! I am not joking!
Judging by the warming and cooling cycles, just another 400
of these 35 year cycles, and we'll have the next ice age.
Wanna bet?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

"Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats." --- Howard Aiken No kidding!
The doctor was examining a young model who was having tremendous pain in her side. "My dear, you have acute appendicitis," the doctor said. The woman became quite angry and said, "Don't try flirting with me, I just want to be examined, not complimented."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a no longer fugitive guy in Fort Worth, Texas Driver jumps out of moving car during chase HOUSTON -- A man was arrested Monday after a wild police chase in North Texas. Police said it started in Fort Worth where an officer tried to make a traffic stop, but the driver took off instead. During the chase the suspect drove through grass and rear-ended another vehicle, but kept on driving all the way through the nearby town of Granbury, police said. He eventually jumped out of his moving vehicle, and then jumped over a nearby guard rail where he took off running before running out of steam and falling down. That’s when officers jumped him, from the looks of it, feet first, and finally arrested the man. Investigators say the man ran because he was wanted for violating parole on a burglary charge. He now faces more charges, including evading arrest. Chase movie
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Deanna Re: MailWasher Key Dear Webby DEAR WEBBY I JUST DOWNLOADED MAILWASHER-PRO ON MY PC AND PAID WITH MY CREDIT CARE(VISA) AND IT HAS BEEN ACCEPTED BY MY BANK! BUT WHEN I CLICK ON THE ICON IT TELLS ME TO APUT IN THE REGISTRATION KEY, I WAS GIVEN, TO ACTIVATE THE SITE, WELL WHEN I DO, IT TELLS ME IT'S AN INVALID WHAT I DO NOW??? denna80 --------------------- Dear Denna Take the CAPS LOCK off and try again. Or better yet, copy and paste. Passwords and keys are case sensitive. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! We missed it by a half hour!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ask Guests to Bring Containers for Leftovers When we get together for a big dinner, holiday or such, I ask everyone who wants to take home leftovers to bring some containers from home. Either Tupperware or butter bowls. That way at the end of day I am not giving away my dishes. Source: Comes from frustration from trying to find disposable dishes at the end of the meal. By Micksgirl from Paducah, KY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "A cop was ahead of me in traffic and I had to do the speed limit all the way into town!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two kids, aged 10 and 12 were sitting under a quilt on the couch watching television. Their mother joined them, and complained that there was not enough quilt for her. The 10 year old replied "That's because the quilt is in portrait not landscape!" And sure enough, when we turned the quilt to "landscape", they all fit under it quite nicely!

» Myths & Heroes





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The Anniversary 

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Alberta cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days."
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
"Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?"

"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied,
"For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to McDonalds in Lethbridge.
Maybe for our fiftieth, I'll go down there and get her."


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protect settings in WORD 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, November 19, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

When the EzineFinder is down, like it was again yesterday, 
there is nothing I can do about it. They are not on our servers, 
but hosted somewhere in California. Your letters show me, that
you tried to vote, which cheers me, but please don't expect 
instant results or a reply.

Right now it's -26. I got the driveway to the garage shoveled
in the afternoon, when it was warmer. Still got to do the sidewalk
in the front along 2nd Street, and will probably do that this
afternoon, if it either warms up a bit or if the wind slows down.
As it is, I am not too concerned. In this wind, there are no 
pedestrians out and about anyway.

DearWebby

"A collection of a hundred Great brains makes one big fathead." --- Carl Gustav Jung "Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him." --- Albert Schweitzer "He who gives when he is asked has waited too long." --- Sunshine Magazine
The golfer stood at the edge of the water and attempted to pitch the ball over it. It went in. A voice boomed out from above.... "USE AN OLD BALL". He dropped a new ball and put that one in the water. The voice again boomed out from above ....."USE AN OLD BALL". He proceeded to hit a half dozen brand new balls into the water. Each time the voice boomed out from above "USE AN OLD BALL". Finally he looked up and said "Where can I buy an old ball?"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

A man was driving down a local street one day in an open convertible and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a cop was watching the intersection. The cop pulled out after him and stopped him 2 blocks away and asked him for his " License, registration and proof of insurance" The driver said: "Hey I wanna know exactly what I did wrong first?" The Officer responded "Please watch your tone of voice, you failed the stop sign back there!" The driver said: "Hey man, I slowed down enough, what the heck is the difference?" The police officer then pulled out his night stick and his long flashlight began bashing them over the mans head in a spirited drum solo. Within seconds the driver was howling: "Hey, man, stop that. Stop it. Stop, please!" The officer said " Now, do you want me to really stop, or just slow down a bit ?"
Thanks to Beetle for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Mt Tombstone in the Oglivie Mountains in the Yukon
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carey Sterling, 43, in Missoula, Montana Thanks to Kathy for alerting me to this one: Homesick for jail MISSOULA - The Missoula woman who stole a meter maid's scooter and then tried stealing a police car just a few months ago, was recently sentenced and then she set a fire in the Missoula Police Department and assaulted an officer. Just last week Carey Sterling was sentenced for stealing the Missoula Parking Commission's scooter. The judge gave her credit for the time she already served in jail and she was given a deferred sentence. "Please don't do anything in the next 6 months except pay this off," said Missoula District Court Judge Dusty Deschamps, when he sentenced Sterling last Tuesday and told her to pay off her fines. Sometime in the last week Sterling got out of jail and on Wednesday she came into the Missoula Police Department to confess to an arson. In court documents, prosecutors say the officer she was speaking to told her she didn't have enough details about the crime and that it needed to be investigated further. The officer also thought Sterling was trying to get back into jail and he told her he wouldn't arrest her at that time. Sterling then told him "Well I guess I will just have to assault you then." She then kicked him in the shin, punched him in the face and sat down, waiting to be arrested. The officer went in to talk to his supervisor and when he came out, he saw that Sterling had set a garbage can on fire in the entrance of the police department. Sterling is being charged with assault on a peace officers and negligent arson, and now gets to sit off her deferred sentences at the warm and cozy Missoula Govt Resort..
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Losing WORD Dear Webby Hi Webby, I just read the tech pits about CrapCleaner. That happens to me with my Word settings. If I leave Word open, would it work the same way and leave my settings alone? Thanks. Carol --------------------- Dear Carol CrapCleaner won't touch anything that is open. With WORD you may have some different problems and have the settings set for just that document, instead of as default. Most word processors are like that and let you set some basic default settings, that apply to everything, and then some document specific detail settings. CrapCleaner won't touch default settings, but may clean out document specific settings for documents, that are no longer open. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! We missed it by a half hour!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Re-Run, no new tip today Start Christmas Cactus for Next Year's Gifts It is a little too late for this holiday season but you can get started for next year. I was in a store the other day and glanced at the price of their Christmas Cactus. To pay $134.00 for a gift that will cost me max $2.00 is crazy. If you start now, you can save. Take a piece of your own Christmas cactus and put it in a small pot (2 inch) with good potting soil. As the year goes on fertilize with liquid fertilizer once a month. Once it starts growing, repot to 3 inch and so on, but remember they do better root bound. By the holidays next year, you should have a good size plant(s) to give as gifts. By Katarinabell from Sunny Florida The secret for good growth and lots of blossoms with those is wind. They need the wind to pump moisture and nutrients up to the leaves. Just like trees, the more wind they get, the tougher and stronger they get. There is no need to bring them in because of a storm. To get them to look like this (Click through for larger picture), dad hangs them from post supported beams, that are 8 feet above ground, all frost free months, then in an unheated lean-to until a week or two before Christmas. Hanging them under the eaves or from balcony ceilings works well too. A single leaf broken off one around Christmas and suspended in a glass of water, will have created enough roots for successful potting around Valentines Day. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple went shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours later. The husband was at their appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife. After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented. Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a beautiful lady on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said, "Please, talk to me! Quick!" She said, "Why?" "Because I've been looking for my wife all over this silly mall and I can't find her," the man replied. "How will talking to me help you find your wife? I have absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is." "I didn't think you did. However, every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When Steven returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Hmmm," said Steven very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "You're darn right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had... the ones I nipped at that Hotel on our honeymoon."

» The Chalk Guy





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Careful with CrapCleaner and FireFox! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, November 18, 2010

When I looked at the page count on Triangle B tonight, I was 
quite surprised. I had thought that probably 20% of the readers 
liked horses and would go have a quick look. I was way off in
my guessing. Not even one percent!

Worried, that you might fall in love with a horse like Thriller
and then be told by the landlord, that you can't keep horses
in your top floor apartment?

Well, I can't keep horses here either. I'd have the space, but
the ridiculously high water bills make it unthinkable. I still
enjoy seeing them, though, and never turn down an invitation
to go riding.

DearWebby

"Count your age with friends but not with years." --- Socratex "A true friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until lost." --- Chinese Proverb
The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Great! Hey guys, let's sell the silly old tub!"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

The formula for a happy marriage is the same as how to live in California; if you find a fault don't dwell on it.
Thanks to Beetle for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Principal Liz Seabury at Delmar Highschool, California Dear Webby Here is a great International Bonehead award candidate from my home town!! You really can't fix stupid...not even in high school principals! Cookie Principal forbids ambulance to drive on football field track Del Mar High School's principal is under fire after blocking an ambulance from driving onto the school's track to reach a 14-year-old who suffered a concussion during a football game. Emergency workers had to haul a gurney 75 yards downfield to where Keanu Gallardo lay after suffering a blow to his neck and helmet near the end of Del Mar's frosh-soph game on Oct. 29. The boy's mother, Josephine Amaya, is livid and waiting for a formal apology from the school and the Campbell Union High School District. She said her son has suffered from headaches and neck pain and is being watched for potential brain damage. It isn't clear whether the delay had any impact on Keanu's health, but medical experts say sometimes every second counts when a player, especially a teenager, is crumpled on the field with a head injury. Firefighters and paramedics were "clearly agitated and angry" about the decision to block the ambulance. "I'm aghast at the decision that was made," said Matthew Dean, a Campbell Union High School board member. "The answer is real simple. A field is replaceable. A child's life is not." Principal Liz Seabury said Monday that she was only following orders. "I was told not to let vehicles onto the field," she said. The Del Mar Dons were trailing Prospect 20-6 with minutes to go. Keanu dashed 10 yards when another player's helmet slammed into his neck. As he went down, he was hit again, this time on his helmet, witnesses said. With the wide tires used by today's ambulances, the track around the field or even the field itself would not have suffered any damage whatsoever. The pounds per square inch pressure is comparable to a lawn mower. ------------ I have seen the big BK117 twin jet high speed ambulance helicopters land on the high school soccer field across the street. On the ground, their 5 ton weight is carried on those pipes, that they use for skids. They never left a mark on the field. With a wheeled ambuance there would be even less legitimate concern. She probably just wanted to throw her weight around and needs to be replaced.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Lost Firefox tabs and history Dear Webby I updated Crap Cleaner and ran it first thing after starting the computer, instead of as usual when I get close to locking up, and after that, when I started FireFox, all the previous tabs and history were gone! Is there a way to get them back? And what should I do to rpevent that? David --------------------- Dear David Crap Cleaner is not really intended to be run first thing, but as a rescue, when your RAM is too cluttered with crap. When you leave FireFox open, it won't touch any of it's tabs or history. If you run CrapCleaner, while FireFox is off, make 100% sure that you go into it's settings, Applications, and take ALL the checkmarks off the Firefox section, unless you want to hide your tracks. If you have those checkmarks on, neither your spouse nor the CIA can get your tabs and history back. Yes, I know, it causes a very sick and devastating feeling to loose all that. I found out the hard way too. So, either leave FireFox open, or go and make sure that those checkmarks are OFF. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
has been bringing drawings home from kindergarten everyday since it started. Each day mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though. only uses black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem with her young child and not wanting to make it worse, she decides to take to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives a battery of psychological tests. He chats with . Everything seems perfectly normal. Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday, little continues to bring home drawings in only black and brown. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child psychologist decides to give little some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. opens the box of crayons and says "Oh WOW! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Christmas Cactus for Next Year's Gifts It is a little too late for this holiday season but you can get started for next year. I was in a store the other day and glanced at the price of their Christmas Cactus. To pay $134.00 for a gift that will cost me max $2.00 is crazy. If you start now, you can save. Take a piece of your own Christmas cactus and put it in a small pot (2 inch) with good potting soil. As the year goes on fertilize with liquid fertilizer once a month. Once it starts growing, repot to 3 inch and so on, but remember they do better root bound. By the holidays next year, you should have a good size plant(s) to give as gifts. By Katarinabell from Sunny Florida The secret for good growth and lots of blossoms with those is wind. They need the wind to pump moisture and nutrients up to the leaves. Just like trees, the more wind they get, the tougher and stronger they get. There is no need to bring them in because of a storm. To get them to look like this (Click through for larger picture), dad hangs them from post supported beams, that are 8 feet above ground, all frost free months, then in an unheated lean-to until a week or two before Christmas. Hanging them under the eaves or from balcony ceilings works well too. A single leaf broken off one around Christmas and suspended in a glass of water, will have created enough roots for successful potting around Valentines Day. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola apparently burns longer.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

» Better Flight Search





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Drink This! 


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Images not showing on Windows 7 Gmail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What's "The Faces Of Fall" all about? 
Don't worry, it's not another line-up of ugly politicians or dopey
stars or plastic models. Subscriber Brenda at TriangleB took
mug shots of her favorite horses. Today's picture is one of 
them. They are all TWH (Tennessee Walking Horses), specially
selected and bred for day long riding on the trail. 

I rode one once from Tincup Lake to Kluane Lake, about 30 - 40
Miles, in one day, leading three pack horses.Even though that 
trip was through rather steep and rough country and included 
a deep river crossing, I had no saddle sores or blisters the 
next day. I would NOT want to try that trip on any other 
breed of horses.

DearWebby

"What is honored in a country will be cultivated there." --- Plato
Two Rednecks rob an armored truck and all they get away with are two sacks, so they keep one each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, "What did you find in your sack?" "Half a million" "Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all that cash?" "I bought a house and a boat. How about your sack?" "Bah... mine was full o' bills" "And what did you do with them?" "Er, well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off . . ."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Sally had three very active boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers with them in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbor bent over, she opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day".
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sterling Thurman, 37, in Clearwater, Florida Shoeless Man Posing As Police Officer Arrested CLEARWATER, Fla. (970 WFLA) - A man from Clearwater tried to enter a woman’s home by pretending to be a police officer, a Clearwater police spokeswoman said. Thirty-seven-year-old Sterling Thurman showed up at the woman’s home on Druid Road Monday morning and told her he was an officer, but she refused to let him in, said police. The woman, 60-year-old Jannie Young, was suspicious after noticing that Thurman was not wearing shoes. She asked for ID and Thurman showed her a business card belonging to a Belleair Police officer. When Young called the real police, he fled, detectives said. After getting a description from the victim, officers found Thurman close to the home. He made incriminating statements and had the business card still on him. Detectives say the two do not know each other, and said it’s not clear why he was trying to get into her home.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kay Re: Images not showing on Windows 7 Gmail I have just bought a new computer and it has Windows 7. I know you are not a fan, but I'm computer illiterate. I am not receiving pictures in your newsletter or from any other emails, I know there is something I can change, but not sure where to look. Any help you can give me would be appreciated. As always your newsletter is the first thing I check in my email. Thank you for all of your help Kay --------------------- Dear Kay You are right. I like blonde ladies, but not blonde Windows. Sounds like you are using IE8. If you enable the "display mixed content to the Internet zone" in the security tab in IE8, it should work OK. Tools Internet options Security Custom level Display mixed content Select enable That should solve the problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Have Butcher Saw Turkey in Half for Easier Freezer Storage Turkeys are always cheapest at this time of year, so if possible, buy an extra for a few months from now. You can ask the butcher to saw it in half and store the halves in your freezer, or give one to a friend. The halves are easier to store in freezer than a whole bird. By Linda from Vista, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Conversation Between Moses and God "Excuse me, sir." "Is that you again, Moses?" "I'm afraid it is, sir." "What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?" "How did you guess?" "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?" "Oh, yeah. I forgot." "Tell me what you want, Moses." "But you already know. Remember?" "Moses!" "Sorry, sir." "Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!" "Well, I have a question, sir. You know those ten things you sent me." "You mean the commandments, Moses?" "That's it. I was wondering if they were important." "What do you mean 'were important, Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you." "Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course you would see right through that." "What do you mean 'you lost them! Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?" "No, sir. I forgot." "Well, My Son always saves, Moses." "Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though. " "And did you hear back from any of them?" "You already know I did." "What about the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not'. Can he change the words a little bit?" "Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning." "And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?" "Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that." "I think that means, 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?" "I think that is spamming, Moses." "Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer." "And what he did say?" "You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those plagues and that's the reason I lost those ten things, do you?" "They're called viruses, Moses." "Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them." "We'll do it the new way, Moses." "I was afraid you would say that, sir." "Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?" "You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer." "It's a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?" "No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?" "No, Moses." "One other thing. Why didn't you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?" "I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to." "Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?" "Say good night, Moses." "Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back." "Which ones are they, Moses?" "Let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image and 'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.' "Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets. How does 'Same Day Air' sound? Watch ouuuuuut!!!!"

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Life  

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal.

5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.

6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.

8. I am at one with my duality.

9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.

10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear.
Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future?

16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working.

17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes.
That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.


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The REAL CrapCleaner 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Snow storm outside right now. Snow is piling up on the window
sill and against the southern side  window frame, so the wind
must be from the North. The weather forecast is for snow all week.
The cyclic warming ripple is definitely over, and we are back
to 70's style weather. The climate hoaxers will have to re-edit
their "scientific confusions", ahem, conclusions, all over again.

DearWebby


Latitude & Longitude: Latitude is Where we are lost, Longitude is how long we've been lost there! Cookie "Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street." --- Elbert Hubbard "A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." --- G. C. Lichtenberg
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and cheerfully drove to work on the scenic route. "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's nice" said the boss. "But where were you yesterday?"
Nancy came home and said to her mother, "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test." Her mother said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?" He said, "They were pedestrians."

Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Superintendent E. Parraz and school officials at Denair Middle School, Denair, California Thunder for the flag 13 year old Cody Alicea had been forbidden by school officials to stop flying flying the Stars and Stripes on his bicycle, just in time for Veterans Day. Well, Cody did not take that lying down. He told the big guys, the ones with the BIG bikes. Hundreds of them showed up with big thundering Harleys and various outer bikes and trikes, followed by hundreds of cars, all flying the flag and/or displaying it on their black leather jackets. There was THUNDER in the air! E. Parraz said: "Our Hispanic, you know, kids will, you know, bring their Mexican flags and they'll display it, and then it does cause kind of a racial tension which we don't really want." When the bikers showed up, he backed down. There was not much about it in the leftist media in the US, but you can read about it in the Canadian Free Press.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Honey Re: What is an external sound card? Hi Webby, Since I don't know much about the workings of a computer I have learned to trust your advice. Yesterday on a radio computer program The Host (I did not catch his name) said that the program Ccleaner is free and would rid your computer of all stored useless information and cookies. When i went to the site it said I had thousands of items to be removed. But to do it I had to register. Should I trust the site and register.? And If I do register do you then think they will say there is a charge.? I like the word free because times are tough. Thank you for any advice you can give me Honey --------------------- Dear Honey Sounds like that radio guy sent you to some ransom ware site instead. The REAL CrapCleaner is free. You can get the real one free in my Tool Box. It is right below ClickBook, the tool that saves you 75% of paper and ink costs, no matter what kind of printer you use. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A recently re-married widow was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked: "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Pumpkin to Turkey Soup If you are planning on making soup with leftover turkey this Thanksgiving, here's a tip for adding a little extra nutrition for your family. Put 1 cup of plain pumpkin into the soup pot. No one will ever know it's in there. It adds a rich color while supplying immune-boosting nutrients. It also somewhat thickens the broth. I use canned pumpkin, not the pie filling. Source: A friend told me about this. By Anne from Green Bay, WI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., a squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, they realized they had lost their map. The patrol navigator informed them, "Our odds are 1 in 360 that we'll get out of here." "How did you come up with that?" someone asked. "Well," he replied, "it's unfortunate that the compass broke when Bob stepped on it, because quite often one of the degrees on the compass is right."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Home computers are the perfect thing for women, who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration.

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Pants 


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