Is it safe to vacuum a computer? 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, November 12, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The "Fields Of Flanders" yesterday, of course was from 
Lt Col John McCrae, CDN Army
not from me. I am not THAT old!
Somehow, when I made some space below it, to imply some silence,
I accidentally clipped the credit.
Sorry about that!

DearWebby

"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." --- Harriet Braiker "Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, That's how the light gets in." --- Leonard Cohen
A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He was tired and needing a rest, so he told them to please leave him alone. However, it was clear that he wasn't going to get any sleep until he satisfied their curiosity. "OK!" he said with exasperation, "follow me," and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him. Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"
A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" was quick to blurt out what was certainly the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now. Price will go up soon!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carolee Bildsten, 56 Drunk assaults cop with dildo Carolee Bildsten, 56, is facing an aggravated assault rap after allegedly attempting to strike a cop with a sex toy. As part of an investigation into a claim that Bildsten had skipped out on a restaurant bill last night, an officer from the Gurnee Police Department accompanied the suspect to her apartment, where she promised to retrieve money to pay the tab, according to a police press release. However, when Bildsten reached inside a dresser drawer to get the purported cash, she instead removed a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device,” held it above her head, and advanced on the cop “in a threatening manner.” The officer responded by knocking the sex toy out of the way before he was struck with the device. The sex toy, which was not confiscated by cops, was further described by Deputy Chief Kevin Woodside in a TSG interview. The item, he noted, was six inches long and “attached to a nylon harness.” In addition to the assault count, Bildsten was charged with public intoxication and theft of services for allegedly dining and dashing at Joe’s Crab Shack. Bildsten had been arrested for drunk driving in September. Bildsten, free on a personal recognizance bond, is scheduled for a December 6 court appearance.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sue Re: Is it safe to vacuum around computers? Dear Webby, Is it safe to vacuum around computers or will the static cause problems? Sue Dear Sue Yes, it is perfectly safe to vacuum around computers. They are grounded electrically, as long as you leave them plugged in, and nowadays all inputs are shielded. Do NOT unplug them before vacuuming around or inside them. You should, however, turn them off before you begin vacuuming. The reason for that is that you might accidentally unplug some cables, and that could cause the machine to crash. Depending on the environment they are in, desktop computers should be vacuumed out once per year, under-the-desk floor models should be opened and vacuumed out twice a year. Just open the computer and vacuum it out before the fuzzy dust blanket inside causes expensive parts to overheat and malfunction. All you have to remember is: Turn the computer OFF, but do NOT UNPLUG IT. If your computer is under your desk, put it onto some phone books, bricks, wood, anything, to raise it a bit above the floor, where the dust bunnies travel. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Catching her in the act, I jokingly confronted a visitor's 3-year-old daughter, "Are you eating your little sister's grapes?" "No," she innocently replied, "I'm teaching her to share!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Water Around The Home Our two favorite ways to conserve/recycle water is using plants and pet dishes. Drop an ice cube? Instead of throwing it in the sink to melt, put it in a pet's water dish. You pet will love having cold water for a change. Roof leaking? Instead of putting buckets under the dripping area, put a plant there. Have a party where guests leave their drinks half finished? If any of the cups have water, dump the remains into the pet's water dish or potted plant. If you use well water and the electricity goes out for a long time from a winter storm, melt the snow to sanitize the water and then use for cooking or washing. If you think an upcoming storm will leave you in a lurch, put a few pots or buckets outside to gather the snow as it falls. It keeps the snow a little cleaner than if you had to scoop the snow off a patio table or the family car. By aprilcotton from Aurora, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else but her, when a beautiful woman enters the room. However, that does not make jealous wives psychologists.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

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Social Networking Myth 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Thursday, November 11, 2010
Remembrance Day in Australia
Veterans Week in Canada
Remembrance Day in UK
Veterans Day in the US
Armistice Day in France and Belgium


In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.



DearWebby

You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. --- Arlo Guthrie There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone. --- Gertrude Stein
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize, laugh or look at his compass.
Bob's grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. His wife came over on the very next boat.
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now. Price will go up soon!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Rupp, 18, of Big Coppitt Key, Florida Burglar left MySpace open SUGARLOAF KEY, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said they arrested a teenage burglar, who allegedly left himself logged into MySpace at the scene of the crime. The Monroe County Sheriff's Office said a caretaker for a house on Sugarloaf Key called 911 Sunday evening and reported seeing someone sitting on a couch inside the house, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. Deputies said they arrived to find the house unoccupied, but they discovered an open back window, empty food containers and marijuana left on a coffee table. The sheriff's office said deputies found a computer logged into the MySpace account of Robert Rupp, 18, of Big Coppitt Key. Rupp was spotted walking in the neighborhood and he allegedly told deputies he went inside the house because he was cold outside. Rupp was charged with burglary, possession of burglary tools and theft.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Merv Re: Social Networking Magic or Myth? Dear Webby Is this Social Networking some kind of magic that I don't get, or is it just a myth, that one could make money with it? I know the ones, who are spouting buzz words and selling courses are just persuasive con artists, but is there anything behind all the fanzy buzz words that the empty shirts spout? I have over thousand "friends" on facebook and over 5000 on twitter, but have not managed to sell anything via those routes. What's the real story? Merv Dear Merv All those "friends" pay exactly as little attention to you, as you pay to them. They are just numbers, not friends. Probably half of them are trying to sell the same stuff you are pushing. You have not made them any money, and it is very unlikely they will make you any. It is good to lurk and watch a bit now and then, mainly to spot trends, but don't waste working hours on it! When you do have something worthwhile to mention, use that opportunity to try and get a few subscribers to your newsletter. With those people you can get a lot closer, and you can earn their respect. That is a much better position to be in, than a totally ignored "friend" on FaceBook or Twitter. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed in her kitchen. A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and mentioned, "We were sure glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen, and that he was able to clean up the mess before you got back!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Water Around The Home Our two favorite ways to conserve/recycle water is using plants and pet dishes. Drop an ice cube? Instead of throwing it in the sink to melt, put it in a pet's water dish. You pet will love having cold water for a change. Roof leaking? Instead of putting buckets under the dripping area, put a plant there. Have a party where guests leave their drinks half finished? If any of the cups have water, dump the remains into the pet's water dish or potted plant. If you use well water and the electricity goes out for a long time from a winter storm, melt the snow to sanitize the water and then use for cooking or washing. If you think an upcoming storm will leave you in a lurch, put a few pots or buckets outside to gather the snow as it falls. It keeps the snow a little cleaner than if you had to scoop the snow off a patio table or the family car. By aprilcotton from Aurora, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at her, and said, "Nancy, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake. You might need new glasses."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A drummer got bored with his instrument and decided to take up the accordion instead. Walking into a music shop, he spotted one he liked and asked the shopkeeper, "how much is that accordion by the wall?" The shopkeeper looked at him and said, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" "Yes, how did you know?" he said. "That's the radiator."

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These People Get To Vote 


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Stairway To Heaven 

Afraid of heights?
This is scary awesome!




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Is Outllook Express a cult? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Outlook Express a CULT ?
I didn't quite see the reasoning behind my friend's statement.
"Yes", he explained, "it's like Mac's or Harleys. Nobody would 
buy one for performance or reliability or to save money. 
But if you say one bad word about them to a user or owner, 
then you better be ready for hostilities!"

That sure seems to be true when it comes to Harleys. You can
bitch about them all you want, when you are sitting on one,
or waiting for it to get fixed, but you better not say anything
at all, when you sit on a rice burner. 

Outlook Express users are the same. They know it is buggy, 
and that, sooner or later, it will lose all the mail again.
But they are as loyal to it as some of my friends are to their 
Harleys.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." --- Oscar Wilde "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." --- Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld "Be yourself. No one can ever tell you you're doing that wrong." ---James Leo Herlihy
Dear Rev When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this? Bubba Dear Bubba Change the setting on your barbecue from "Well Done" to "Medium" or "Rare". Not only is the odor more pleasing, but the steaks taste a lot better. Rev ----------- I still remember steaks! Good old days...
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I suggested, "Why don't you just drive over there and check about the batteries?"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now. Price will go up soon!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edward Blatch, 23 in Springfield, MA Victim Settles Score, Catches Robber Weeks after being robbed at gunpoint, a Springfield delivery driver meets his attacker in a most unlikely place. In September, Bermudes took an order and went out to deliver. But when he got to the house on Federal Street, he says he was met by 23 year old Edward Blatch. Police say Blatch pulled out a rifle and allegedly took cash, a phone and Bermudes' high school ring. "They came downstairs and grabbed everything from me. Stole everything from me," he says. Ever since then, Bermudes was wishing he'd have the chance to meet Blatch again. "I got a good memory for the faces. So when I see him, I was not about to let it go," he says. On Monday, the victim and the alleged robber crossed paths at Bermudes' Worthington Street Chinese restaurant. "He come asking for napkins," Bermudes says. Blatch got more than napkins. Bermudes immediately knew the face that had haunted him for the last month and barricaded him inside the restaurant. Without his rifle and his buddies, he had no choice but wait for the cops to arrive. Blatch has been arrested for armed robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Outlook Express won't open wmv files Windows XP Service pack 3, windows media player 11, outlook express email I am unable to open email attachments with wmv files. I get an error message saying windows can't find the program to open the file. Any ideas? Thanks for all your help. John Dear John I don't use Outlook Depressed and have never recommended it. While it is possible that is an "undocumented feature" of that program, it is also possible, that it knocked off the file association for Media Player. Open a file Explorer (Right-click START, Explore) Tools Folder Options File Types In there scroll down to the wmv files, and make sure they are assigned to Windows Media Player. If that doesn't help, you will have to contact Microsoft support. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
After a long, bumpy flight, the passengers were glad to finally land. They disembarked, and the attendants checked for items left behind. In a seat pocket, one found a bag of homemade cookies with a note saying "Much love, Mom." Quickly, she brought the bag to the gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner. In few minutes, this announcement came over the public-address system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Pumpkin Pie Spice to Coffee Grounds I love the Pumpkin Spice flavored coffee that is sold at this time of the year. But drinking too many of them can really put a hole in my pocket. So I made my own! When I brew coffee, I add a teaspoon (or more) of Pumpkin Pie Spice to the coffee grounds. It turns out pretty good. Not quite the same, but close enough. And there is a whole pot of brewed pumpkin spice coffee for nearly next to nothing. I already had the spice in my cabinet, and was going to brew coffee anyway. Your taste may require more spice than I did. Enjoy. By Barb from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Customer: I just registered my domain name with you guys. Someone in our office told me it was only good in your state. Me: No, ma'am. A domain name is good in all states and in all countries. Customer: So, it is good in all 52 states? Me: Yes, all states and all countries of the earth. Customer: Alabama too ? Me: Do you mean the Alabama on Earth or the other one ?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The women were arguing noisily even in the court. The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, "We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can't listen to all of you at once. I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

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DSL over cell phone 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sure is getting winterish outside!

DearWebby

"Wall Street indices predicted nine out of the last five recessions!" --- Paul A. Samuelson in Newsweek, Science and Stocks, 19 September 1966 "The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." --- Paul Valery "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." -- Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld
"Mom, you'd better come outside! I've just knocked over the ladder at the side of the house." "I'm busy. Go and tell your father." "He already knows. He's hanging from the roof."
In bygone days, a thin man insulted a fat man. The fat man challenged his tormentor to a duel with pistols. On the day of the duel a debate ensued about the unfair advantage held by the thin man because he was a much smaller target. Finally the thin man came up with a solution. "Let the outline of my figure be chalked upon your body," he said to his opponent, "and any shots of mine that hit outside the chalk lines, we won't count."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now. Price will go up soon!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chad David Caldwell, 27, of Butler, PA Car thief left wallet, phone BUTLER, Pa., Nov. 8 (UPI) -- Police in Pennsylvania said a drunk man who allegedly stole a car and crashed it into a pole left his wallet and cellphone behind in the vehicle. Investigators said Chad David Caldwell, 27, of Butler stole the car, which was unlocked with the keys inside, from outside of a Summit Township bar about 10 p.m. Friday, The (Youngstown, Ohio) Vindicator reported Monday. State police allege Caldwell abandoned the car after crashing into a mailbox and a utility pole, but police recovered his wallet and cellphone from inside the car. Caldwell was arrested at his home and admitted to drunkenly stealing and crashing the car, police allege. He was charged with motor vehicle theft, hit-skip and drunken driving.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dwayne Re: DSL over cell phone? Dear Webby, Is there a way to get DSL over a cell phone connection? If there is, how is that connected to a laptop? Dwayne Dear Dwayne Yes, there sure is. Most of the bigger phone companies have "Air Cards" or "Cell Cards" or the same thing under a similar name. They plug into a USB port, just like your mouse does. Same as regular land line DSL, you can get air cards at different speeds, depending on your budget. To use it, you run the set-up CD, plug the air-card into a USB socket, log on and sign in, and it works like a regular DSL. Sometimes, depending on the area you are in, you may need to select a channel, but it guides you through that. According to people who use them, it's simple and easy, not cheaper than land-line DSL. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his buddies, the oldest and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thanksgiving Family Potluck I wanted to share how we have celebrated Thanskgiving. My husband and I now live in an apartment. Our children are all grown. In order to see our kids I knew I needed to organize a gathering. I decided it was time the children shared in the work. So I planned on a potluck Thanksgiving dinner that included all the trimmings. Each of my children brought a dish (4), I provided the balance of the meal. We had a buffet lunch served from my small apartment kitchen counter. Everyone found a place to rest their plate. The informal dinner brought a lot of laughter and conversations. Warm family gatherings like this last longer in the memories of my grandchildren. Happy Thanksgiving. By Pennypacer from St Mary's. Ontario, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One night at an economy motel, Joe ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, he awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, he let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!" Joe complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably would not be staying in this motel!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Trina and Trisha, obviously nervous about their flight, bought some flight insurance at the terminal. They couldn't decide who to name as beneficiaries, however. Finally they ended up each naming the other and happily boarded the same plane.

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It's Punday 

One Day Lief Ericsson came across a little lemming who was about to jump off a cliff into a river. Lief said "Don't jump little lemming".

He gave the lemming to his assistant who taught the lemming to wade across the river instead of jumping off a cliff.

The moral of the story is, of course,







If Lief hands you a lemming, make lemmings wade.



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TV over the Internet 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, November 8, 2010

Subscriber Nan sent me a link to the Vietnam Veterans
Virtual Wall. I was in too much of a hurry to look at it then,
but when I did look, I was awestruck.

We more or less forgot about that war.It was protested,
defunded, and lost without honor. Seeing the huge number
of people listed by state and home town was a shock.
Whether they understood what the war was about or not,
they DID give their live for their ciuntry.
The Virtual Wall is at http://www.virtualwall.org/iStates.htm

DearWebby

"Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship." --- Benjamin Franklin "To be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you don't be." --- Golda Meir
Bill's mom told him she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Angus McGillicuddy was looking for a gift for a friend of his. Everything he saw in the store was too expensive. Then he came across a glass vase that had been broken, which could be purchased for next to nothing. The tightwad asked the store clerk to send the gift, hoping his friend would think that the vase had been broken during transit. A couple of weeks later, the tightwad received an acknowledgment for the gift. "Thanks for the vase," read the card. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Porslin Flower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Misty McCollister, 35, in Minden, Nevada MINDEN, Nev. - A Nevada woman has admitted letting her 12-year-old son drive her car because she was too drunk. The Gardnerville Record-Courier reports 35-year-old Misty McCollister awaits sentencing Dec. 14. She pleaded guilty Tuesday to attempted child abuse or neglect. McCollister was arrested Oct. 17 near her home after a witness reported seeing a car weaving in and out of its lane and varying its speed. The witness told sheriff's deputies he passed the vehicle and saw a child in the driver's seat. Another woman and a 7-year-old child also were in the car. McCollister told District Judge Dave Gamble that the other woman refused to drive because she didn't have her glasses, so she put her son on her lap so he could drive them home. She admitted to drinking all that weekend. Misty McCollister apparently blew .299 and required medical clearance prior to being put in jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: TV over the net Hi Webby, Loving the email and the advice but I need to ask for help. I've been hearing a lot about programs that, for a one time fee, allow you to view TV from the computer. Can you recommend one? Dear Patti I don't watch TV very often. Last time I watched anything, was the final hockey game in the Winter Olympics. Some of those TV over the net deals are really cheap, but you get only weird channels, and some are more expensive, but you get better channels. One caution, though: If you have slow dial-up, and YouTube videos don't play properly, then live TV probably won't be much better. On DSL or cable Internet, live TV is smooth and sharp. The best compromise I could find is TVnoop. They got BBC News CNN SKY News Al Jazeera FOX News Sports Movies Music Channels from 120 countries Absolutely ZERO monthly costs – live TV free of any monthly charge or recurring monthly subscription. A lifetime license for free updates is included in this package. 2150 Channels - Select your favorites out of 2150 international satellite based channels from most of the countries including USA, UK and many others. No additional hardware required - This is software only, one that can be installed on any Internet enabled PC desktop or Laptop. There is no need to add additional hardware such as a TV tuner or DVR card. With THIS link you can get it for $49, $20 less than retail cost: TV over the net Since you are probably paying a lot more than that EVERY month, you can't lose, even if takes you a while to figure out which of the 2150 channels are going to be your favorites. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know" said the man, "but I can't. Until snow plowing season starts and more money comes in, I can't afford a divorce!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freshen Sheets Every Morning Truth be told, I change my bedsheets once a week. But I love the smell of clean bed linens and the smell of baby powder. When I make up the bed every morning, I sprinkle baby powder over the bottom sheet and a little on the pillow cases. It's nice climbing into a fresh smelling bed. I bought a body mist recently that was too fruity smelling to my personal taste (I smelled like a raspberry), so I used the mist on my bedsheets. That was nice too and used up the product that would otherwise have sat on the shelf for ages. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart. Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the reply, "Excuse me." What the little girl said instead was: "Watch out, here comes another one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Cindy was at an interview with the company psychiatrist as part of a job interview. As she sat in the chair, the psychiatrist asked a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company. Things were not not going well for her. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, to give her one last chance. He asked, "if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" Cindy quickly responded, "the living one."

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Who starts those virus hoax rumors? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, November 7, 2010

In the US and Canada, reset your wall clocks and watches to 
an hour earlier than they show.
We are now on winter time until March 13.
Set them all to what your computer shows. It reset at 2 am, but
your appliances are not connected to the net.

Europe and Australia have already switched.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Getting caught is the mother of invention. --- Robert Byrne Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess If the sun always shines, there's a desert below. It takes a little rain to make love grow. --- Socratex The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive. --- O.A. Battista
An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller after the bank had been robbed for the third time by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about the man?" he asked. "Yes, he seems to be better dressed each time," the teller replied.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day she goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Walmart?"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now. Price will go up soon!

Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 33 year old man in Okaloosa, Florida Driver tries to avoid arrest by jumping seats in moving vehicle OKALOOSA ISLAND — A man who tried to avoid arrest by vacating the driver’s seat while his car was still moving was arrested for driving without a valid license. The incident began around 3:40 p.m. when an Okaloosa County deputy initiated a traffic stop on the 1990 Cadillac sedan near the Coast Guard station on U.S. Highway 98, according to a sheriff’s report. Before the vehicle pulled over, the deputy observed the driver “jump over the back of the driver’s seat into the rear seat area as the car was still traveling. The front seat passenger slid over to the driver’s seat and stopped the car,” the report stated. A search of the original driver’s license revealed the 33-year-old’s license had been suspended after he didn’t pay traffic fines. During the course of the stop, the deputy also found four grams of marijuana inside a package of cigarettes. When questioned, the driver said he had left the driver’s seat to avoid arrest, but said the marijuana was his and that the passenger was unaware of its pres-ence, the report stated. The man was charged with driving with his license suspended and possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Phyllis Re: Who starts those virus hoaxes? Dear Webby, who starts those virus hoaxes? Is it virus makers crying wolf, so that we stop paying attention, or is it anti-virus programs trying to sell their stuff, or who? Phyllis Dear Phyllis Neither one of those. It's spammers, who are trying to collect the names and addresses of the most gullible people on the net. If they fall for that BS and forward it, then they are obviously very gullible, and chances are good, that the friends they are forwarding it to, are also not too smart. In general, when forwarding anything to more than just the closest friends, smart people put the extra addresses into the BCC field, not out in the open. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A Senator was asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freshen Sheets Every Morning Truth be told, I change my bedsheets once a week. But I love the smell of clean bed linens and the smell of baby powder. When I make up the bed every morning, I sprinkle baby powder over the bottom sheet and a little on the pillow cases. It's nice climbing into a fresh smelling bed. I bought a body mist recently that was too fruity smelling to my personal taste (I smelled like a raspberry), so I used the mist on my bedsheets. That was nice too and used up the product that would otherwise have sat on the shelf for ages. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"I understand, Doctor, that many husbands snore," said the young wife, "but you've got to help me stop mine. He's a ventriloquist and snores on both sides of me at the same time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On the morning after the consummation of the marriage of two senior citizens, the new bride awoke purring. Hearing her new husband running water in the bathroom, she said, "Did you just brush your teeth?" The husband answered, "Yes, dear. And while I was at it, I brushed yours too."

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The Good Old Days 

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!

__________________________________________

The year is 1910
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:

__________________________________________

The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !

The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year ..

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year,
a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year,
and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 % of all births took place at HOME .

90% of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had only 45 stars ....

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and

Only 6% of all Americans had graduated from high school..

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.

Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,

Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health'

( Shocking? DUH! )

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help ....

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

IT STAGGERS THE MIND, DOESN'T IT?



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Virus warning emails 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, November 6, 2010

Today the combines were active in the fields along the highway,
trailing plumes of dust. The last few days we had warm weather
and 12 - 14% humidity, just perfect for drying the grain. Here
the farmers don't use combines to cut the grain. They cut it with
big tractors and windrow it, to let it dry a few days. 

Then they drive along with the big combines picking up the 
windrows, threshing the grain, shredding the straw to return it
to the field, and pouring the grain into the oversize trucks.

The price they get for the grain depends not only on the
nutritive quality, but the moisture content, or lack of it. 
Windrowing is extra work, but they consider it worth it.

I always enjoy seeing a herd of combines working a field.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The purpose of life is to fight maturity. --- Dick Werthimer Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. --- Ambrose Bierce I have a perfect memory. I can't remember the last time I forgot something. --- Socratex An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Evan Esar
Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?" He replied, "Probably the same thing."
The band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" another student asked. "Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Bird of paradise
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deon Williams, 19, in Brooklyn, NY birdbrained bandit took turkey stuffing to a whole new level A Brooklyn teen was caught on video shoving a 12-pound turkey breast into his baggy sweatpants -- and then waddling out of a Bed-Stuy grocery with an irate butcher hot on his trail, sources said yesterday. "He's got a big turkey in his pants!" Fine Fare Grocery cashier Michelle Benjamin yelled to butcher Sergio Marte, who chased down alleged poultry poacher Deon Williams, 19, outside the Marcus Garvey Boulevard store. "You have something in your pants!" Marte barked at Williams, who squealed back, "I'll give it to you -- don't touch me!" "I don't want to touch you -- just give me the turkey!" Marte demanded. Williams dumped it on the street, and when Marte bent over to pick it up, the teen clocked him in the jaw, the butcher said. "He swung at me, and then he ran," the 42-year-old butcher said, showing off a still-swollen cheek. The brazen heist was caught on surveillance video, and cops nabbed Williams on Wednesday. "We know this guy," store owner Julio Delossantos told The Post. "He had two friends with him. I believe they were learning from him. "Even though customers were there, he did it right in front of them." The cashier, Benjamin, said, "I saw him putting it in his clothes," adding that she saw his two apprentices paying close attention. "I asked [Williams], 'What are you teaching the both of them?' " She said she demanded the teen put the turkey back -- and he claimed he would, but instead, he just walked out the door. "We told the manager to look at the camera, but by the time he did, they were already walking out," Benjamin said. Williams was charged with robbery, petit larceny and criminal possession of the stolen poultry. He is due back in court Nov. 15. It's not the first time he used his pants to stash a five-finger discount, sources said. Williams was arrested on Aug. 5 after trying to smuggle seven cans of Red Bull out of a bodega on Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint, authorities said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wendy Re: Fake parcel pick-up warning Dear Webby, I keep getting these warning mails about UPS and postal parcel pick-up notices. Are they just a hoax or are they real? Wendy Dear Wendy There was a virus that sent those notices a year ago, and some people say it is going around again, but I have never seen those, only the warnings about them. Quite possibly my MailWasher dumps them without showing them to me. If you do get a parcel pick-up notice by email, just dump it. The post office sends you paper notices, if you have a parcel, FedEx leaves a paper door hanger if they have tried to deliver, while you were out, and UPS, especially across the border, is always bad news anyway. But even they leave a paper notice. UPS may be OK for local deliveries in some areas, but across the border, they are VERY bad news. They charge a brokerage fee, that is usually more than the item is worth. On cross-border orders I always specify: Order cancelled if shipped via UPS. Since 2004 I even have a page up , that spells that out, with invoices that show why. Why Not UPS Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
The CEO was scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention so he asked one of his top employees to write a punchy, 20 minute speech for him. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour long speech?!" he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I was finished." George was baffled. "I wrote you a 20 minute speech," he replied. I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Sink Storage Ideas I have a tip for those of us that still like to do dishes by hand. I was tired of looking at the bottle of dish soap on my sink, so I decides to get a cute pickle dish with 3 sections at the dollar store and place my sink items I use every day in it. I also got a lemon squirt bottle for my dish soap. That way you don't waste as much and no big bottle at your sink. You can use ketchup/mustard any refillable smaller bottle. I know I could put it under my sink, but, with everyone using the sink, it's easier for us. I hope some one can use this idea! By diva53d from Foymount, Ontario http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two men were playing golf together for the very first time. The first player teed off and hit the ball into a clump of trees. He finally got onto the fairway, only to hit the ball into a water hazard. The next shot resulted in a new ball flying over a fence onto a busy street. The second player said, "Maybe you should use an old ball for this shot." The first player replied, "I don't have any old balls."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at that man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That's the prosecutor."

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Hidden log file 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, November 5, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

I read that financial institutions offer people different interest
rates on loans, depending on the browser they use. 
If they use IE, they get quoted the highest rate, FireFox is next, 
then Opera, Safari, and with Google Chrome they get the best deal.

Naturally, the Hotmail/IE8 crowd got into a snit, claiming that
just because they use IE8, that does not mean they are less
trustworthy.

It doesn't. They miss the point. Trustworthiness is determined
by how promptly you pay your phone bill, not by which browser
you use.

The choice of browser indicates how picky you are, 
and how much you shop around to get exactly what you want.
If you come waltzing in with W7 and IE8, the banks figure you
are easy to please and will sign even at a high interest rate.
At the other end, if you show up with XP and Google Chrome,
they know you will keep shopping around until you get the 
absolute lowest rate. So they make you an offer that you
can't refuse, or will come back to.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare. It is because we do not dare that things are difficult. --- Seneca A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. --- George Bernard Shaw
An elderly couple would constantly argue about everything. The woman often ended the arguments by stating vociferously, “I'll dance on your grave ... I'll dance on your grave!” Sure enough, the man died first. His last request? … To be buried at sea.
John took Jill camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. John tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (There was no moss.), direction of the sun (It was an overcast day). Just as he was beginning to panic, John spotted a small cabin off in the distance. John pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned, and led them right back to the campsite. "That was terrific," Jill said. "How did you do it?" "Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all satellite dishes point south."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Dianne for sending these pictures by her friend TJ Click through the picture to the large version. By TJ Anderson with the added inscription: Many of these trees are between 5,000 and 10,000 years old. Bristle Cone Pines have true staying power. The living trees are thousands of years old, while the dead ones, because of the favorable conditions at this altitude, date back to the beginning of recorded human history. -------- There was no location information, but it looks like an area I remember up on Devil's Backbone south of Torrey, Utah.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Nieveen, 19, in Halloweenie Dressed As Breathalyzer Busted For Drunk Driving In the most amusing moment from the Halloween police blotter, a Nebraska man dressed as a portable Breathalyzer machine was arrested for drunk driving. Matthew Nieveen, 19, was busted early Monday for DUI and being a minor in possession of alcohol. Nieveen was collared after a Lincoln cop pulled over his Ford F-150 after the teenager was spotted driving erratically. Nieveen’s blood alcohol level was more than twice the state’s .08 limit (though he wasn’t supposed to be drinking in the first place). A search of his truck turned up a bottle of vodka and beer. Last Halloween, an Ohio college student wearing a similar Breathalyzer costume was busted for drunk driving and underage drinking and he too got a Bonehead Award.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Moe Re: Hidden diagnostic log file Dear Webby, my dial up accelerator bombing.. so did uninstall and reinstall as usual. but get an error and the diagnostics says a txt file has been saved to clipboard of the log or dump analysis. cannot find it to attach to problem submission. did a search - nothing. did a search for txt files - nothing. even had search dump entire directory - nothing. Dos "feature" ??? moe Dear Moe Clipboard normally means RAM, and normally that name is reserved for just that, so as not to confuse you. If you copy anything else, it dumps the previous copy. You have to paste it immediately into an email or text file, BEFORE you or a program copies anything else. It is possible, though, that those diagnostics have a file or folder named clipboard. That would be kinda dumb, but a program that bombs as often as your accelerator does, obviously was not created by any genius. If there IS a file or folder named clipboard, it should be in there. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?" He said, "I'm a former window washer." I asked, "When did you give it up?" He said, "Oh, about halfway down."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money On Ground Beef To save money on ground hamburger, turkey, etc. I buy it in bulk right before the 'best sold by date'. This way I get $2 to $3 off and often get hamburger for $1/lb! Then I separate it into pound amounts and freeze them for use when I need it. By emhauss from Lewisburg, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down here at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. Susan thought it was me coming home drunk."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bob and Nancy had a huge argument. They ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, Bob asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," she said, "now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" she challenged. "No," he said, "I just, thought you were finished with arguing and we were getting along again."

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How to remove sappy captions from PPS slide shows 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, November 4, 2010

Nice and warm fall day today. The mountains are pretty when
the snow comes three quarters of the way down. 
That's the way I like it best. It will be at the door step soon
enough.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. --- Andre Gide Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye guide dog bit me."
A History professor was explaining how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. "Take Miss America in 1921," he noted. "She stood 5'1" tall, weighed 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's beauty contest?" "One student piped up, "Not very well! She'd be way too old!"
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph David DiVanna, 47, of Sarasota, Florida Fla. man arrested in diaper: Md. teens taunted me OCEAN CITY, Md. (AP) - A Florida man arrested for disorderly conduct while wearing a diaper on Halloween says he was pelted with candy by teenagers and wasn't drunk at the time. Maryland State Police said 47-year-old Joseph David DiVanna of Sarasota, Fla., was arrested about 9:15 p.m. Sunday. State Police said witnesses reported DiVanna cursed at adults and children in the Fox Chapel neighborhood of West Ocean City as he tried to get them to give him candy. Divanna said he was wearing a full baby costume complete with T-shirt, bib and bonnet and believes neighbors upset at his trick-or-treating alerted police. Divanna said he had been drinking, but wasn't drunk and was provoked by teens, who he said were the ones acting disorderly.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eleanor Re: How do I get rid of sappy captions in PPS? Dear Webby, Friends often send me beautiful PPS slide shows, but too often they are ruined with sappy questions, often even in foreign languages. Is there a way to get rid of them, or at least translate them or shrink them, so that they don't ruin a beautiful picture? Thanks Eleanor Dear Eleanor Yes, there sure is! Open the PPS with Open Office Impress, in Normal mode, not Play mode. Click on a caption, that opens it in editing mode. Click it's outline border, and hit DELETE. It's gone. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Packaging Boxes as Gift Wrapping Why buy packaging boxes for money? Instead of throwing away packaging boxes, such as cereal boxes, cake boxes or any box that is clean on the inside, I save them for use in gift wrapping any items that need boxes. I normally decoupage on top to make it special or wrap in newspaper a nd ribbon. But as an idea, why not let the children collage on them, then use the box for great personalized packaging for $0. By Caeridwen from Kent, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Anni was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure the old boy'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," her friend replied. "Normally, yes," said Anni. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

» Fall Flora Fotos





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Make Open Office Impress play by default 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I wonder how many Senators will see the writing on the wall and 
rather switch in the next two years, than endanger their warm 
place to crap? Usually the ones who got the most help from
the president are the first ones to turn their coats. 
The next election will be easy to predict, but first we have to
struggle through a couple more years of tough economy.
It's a good thing I didn't toss out still good pants, just because 
I outgrew them ten years ago. They are starting to fit again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible." --- Arthur C. Clarke "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." --- Mark Twain
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."
A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed. The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible," to which the husband replied, "No. I'm next to impossible."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Creech, 36 and David Hartsell, 52 in Lexington, KY Theft suspect nabbed after falling through ceiling LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) - As police in Lexington sought a second man for theft of copper from a vacant house, Charles Creech came tumbling through a ceiling. The 36-year-old Creech had hidden in the basement ceiling after police responded to a neighbor's call about noise coming from the house. Police spokesman Lt. Chris Van Brackel told the Lexington Herald-Leader officers captured 52-year-old David Hartsell after a foot chase Monday afternoon and were checking the home when the drywall gave way and Creech fell to the floor. He was taken to a hospital, then charged with second-degree burglary and possession of burglary tools. Hartsell also faces burglary charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Automatic default play a PPS in Open Office? Dear Webby, "You may have to make Open Office Impress the default program for PPS and PPT files. How, dear Webby, How??? I have been doing the F5 thing, and I hate it. I just want them to play. Jai Dear Jai Just for those, who don't like having to hit F5,... There is a recent extension (or package, depending on the term your distro uses) for OpenOffice named ImpressRunner. Install it and, whenever you open a PPS, it will be directly displayed in slideshow. http://oooconv.free.fr/impressRunner/ImpressRunner-1.0.oxt Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
While searching for something in the Humor Letter Archive, I came across this gem: From Trisha: Dear Webby, I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one. So I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her. Then she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. HUH, must not have had any in stock. In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock. He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. He started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him. "You're killing me!" Something like that and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn't trying to kill him I wasn't even hurting him. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it and walked away laughing. The guy in the fourth store said something like, "boob" under his breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores maybe have to order from a catalog or online. So that's why I am writing you for help. I'm sure you tech support people can help me locate my sex drive, and I would appreciate it if you would also help me figure out what to do with it. Trisha
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sign and Date Your Crafts Always sign and date your labors of love. I have homemade ornaments from many years ago. Some aren't signed and it's sad not to remember who took the time to create their "labor of love". By Keeper from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "Why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?" "Well," the other responded, "When I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."

» Canada's Wilderness Jewel





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Coalition of Idiots 

Feminists, Christians,
Professors For Academic Freedom
and Gays only demonstrate against Israel in the Free World.


This is because in the Muslim world they are all
in burkas,
in hiding,
in jail,
or dead.


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Random Thoughts 

Random thoughts while
sipping my 2nd bottle of wine:


1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9) Bad decisions make good stories.

10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?



13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

15) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.


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Liberal 

"How do you starve a Liberal to death?"









You hide his food stamps under his work boots.








hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahah


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Color Pick-Up 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 27, 2010

US spending is way up. 
Unfortunately, not on the economy, but on election BS.
By 2012 sign painting will be a very lurative career.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." --- Rita Rudner Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. --- Kati I love being married... I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. --- Brian Kiley
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of quality time in a sub-compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting."
The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Erika for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Monument Valley, UT
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Logan Napolitano, 18 in Pawtucket, RI Dopey bank robbers PAWTUCKET, R.I. (UPI) -- A teenage couple in Rhode Island robbed a bank, claiming to have a bomb, but were captured within hours, police said. Logan Napolitano, 18, and his 15-year-old girlfriend walked into a Bank Rhode Island branch in Pawtucket Thursday afternoon, saying they had a bomb in a garbage bag, police told the Providence Journal. Then the masked girl opened the bag and demanded the tellers fill it with money. Five hours later, detectives found the couple in a Providence house, with drugs in her purse and nearly all the stolen money inside his car. The girl was taken to a juvenile facility, but Napolitano had a drug reaction during his arrest and was hospitalized, said Maj. Arthur Martins. Dye packs slipped in with the cash burst and stained their clothes, their skin, the money and the interior of Napolitano's car, said Pawtucket Detective Donti Rosciti. A witness saw the license plate of the getaway vehicle, which led police to Napolitano's home. He was not home, but police obtained the girl's cell phone number and used it to locate the pair. Some of the money was used to buy drugs, Rosciti said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ki Re: Pixie, Eyedropper, color pickers Dear Webby, I love your Humour letter, please never quit. It always makes my day. In regards to the colours for a website: I personally am colour blind so doing any Photoshopping becomes more than a bit of a challenge. I've compensated by using Hexidecimal and RGB values. I do this using one website and one (really tiny!) program. The site is http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/ and it also is in alphabetical order. The program is called Pixie. ( http://www.nattyware.com/pixie.php ) which allows you to hover over any spot on your screen and it will tell you the hex, RGB, HTML, CMYK and HSV values of that color. This makes it *much* easier for me to match colours. Sincerely and with many hugs, Ki Dear Ki For color matching I have been using the EyeDropper for many years. You can get it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. It is quite a ways down the page. It sits as an icon down beside the clock. When you need a color number, grab it with the mouse and hover the magnified cross-hair over the color you want. When you got the right color, let go of the mouse button, and the color number is in the clip-board, ready to paste anywhere. When you let go of the mouse button, the eye dropper disappears back into it's icon down by the clock. Like the clock, there is no need to start or restart it, it always works and is always ready. It starts when Windows starts. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
To encourage correct spelling, somebody on the Chicago Daily News staff tacked up this notice on the bulletin board: Let's set our sights high. Let's learn to spell JUDGMENT correctly. Let's repeat to ourselves each day, "Today I will spell JUDGMENT without an E." Who shall be the first to announce this accomplishment? Praise be unto him. - Deranged The next day, right next to that notice, a reporter pinned up this note: Dear Deranged, I tried to spell judgment without an 'e' and it came out judgmnt. Now I'm in a prdicamnt. - Confusd
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Window Locks for Home Safety Here in the east there has been a rash of robberies, by breaking into people's homes. The thieves go through open windows. You can buy a window lock, that allows you to open the window, and lock it in that position. The lock allows for ventilation by securely holding double hung windows in partially open position. Windows open fully when guard is released. 1-9/16 inch guard/mounting area required. 7/8 inch minimum glass inset. 3/4 x 1inch strike. Screws included. So if you want just a little fresh air you can set the window lock, that the window is only open a few inches. You can either purchase them on the Internet or in a hardware store. They are also called window vent guards and are made by Stanley. By Lynda http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Texas A & M." ------- Well, I usually use the "AUTO" setting. That seems to work fine.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions...like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"

» Ray Villafane Carved Pumpkins





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I'm Ready 

Boo!




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Big Boy Big Ride 

A Boy and His Chopper

Off to Wal Mart

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Snagged From The Internet 

Cute Dog

I'm not sorry!

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In The River 

I saw a terrorist fall into the Bow River
(near downtown Calgary, Alberta) this morning,
and being a responsible citizen I informed emergency services.


It's 6:00 PM and they still haven't responded!


I'm now starting to think I've wasted a stamp!


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Happy Halloween 


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HTML Color Names 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Looks like Clinton appointed federal Judge Roslyn Silver is trying 
to make sure which way Arizona votes on November 2. Even 
people who are against the death penalty deeply resent the federal
interference based on such a frivolous excuse. What difference
does it make, whether the sodium thiopental was made in Canada
or by a manufacturer in the US, who is using it's monopoly
to create an artificial shortage?

Sodium thiopental is not something new or experimental. It 
is on the World Health Organization list of drugs to be 
"on hand" at any hospital (outside of the US), same as
Aspirin and many other common drugs. For executions
they simply use a much higher dosage, than when a patient
is expected to wake up again shortly afterwards.

The whole issue is just federal meddling, and the results
will probably become very visible on November 2.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. --- Dan Quale Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders. --- Nietzsche
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So the mother arranged to send her 8 year old son to see the clergyman in the morning, and the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed, with his mouth hanging open. So the clergyman repeated the question in a more harsh tone, "Where is God!?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice even louder and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for air, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, bro. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Bill for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby: This is the view from our patio of a sunset over Lake Simcoe near Orillia, ON Canada taken on October 4, 2010. Love your pictures. I hope that you can use this one. All the best. Bill
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Urban, 43, in Framingham, Massachusets Woma admits stealing the wrong car A Framingham woman admitted she stole a car on Wednesday, but she said she mistakenly took the wrong one, police said. Melissa Urban, 43, told police she thought she was stealing her boyfriend's car from the Chicken Bone on Waverly Street, not one that belonged to a stranger, police spokesman Lt. Ron Brandolini said. A man called police at 11:15 p.m. and told police someone stole his Subaru wagon. He said he'd left his keys in the car, Brandolini said. Police put out an alert, and Officer Robert Lewis spotted the car on Western Avenue. Urban was driving, and she immediately admitted what she did. "She stated it was a mistake, that she took the wrong car," Brandolini said. "She said she wanted to steal her boyfriend's car." Urban told police she was on the way back to the Chicken Bone to return the car because she realized her mistake, Brandolini said. Police arrested Urban, of 39 Clark St., and charged her with larceny of a vehicle. She pleaded not guilty at her Framingham District Court arraignment yesterday. Judge Douglas Stoddart released her without bail. She is due back in court Dec. 3 for a pretrial conference.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sonya Re: Color Names Dear Webby, you mentioned Color Names. Is there a chart somewhere with all the proper names, that actually work in all browsers? Thanks Sonya Dear Sonya The official table is at a long address at w3schools.com. I made a shortcut to it: http://webby.com/colornames However, they are sorted alphabetically, not by color. That makes it rather tedious. More useful is the Color Shade table at http://webby.com/colorshades And best of all is the Color Mixer at http://webby.com/colormixer Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and nobody ever gets sick of her cooking!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crack Egg In Cup Before Measuring Shortening Tired of trying to clean the margarine or shortening out of the measuring cup after you use it? I am! But I discovered a trick today. If your recipe calls for an egg(s), crack the egg into the measuring cup your going to use for measuring the margarine or shortening. Pour the egg into your mixing bowl. now using the same measuring cup that the egg was in, measure out the margarine or shortening. You will be surprised at how easily the margarine or shortening comes out leaving behind no greasy gobs of shortening or margarine. By Heidi from Brazil http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob came home and the car was in the dining room, so he asked Mary, "How did the car get in here?" She said, "Looks like I took a left at the kitchen."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Daddy, where did I come from?" the five-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully pre- pared. They took her into the living room, put the encyclopedia CD into the computer and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" her father asked. "No, not really," the little girl said. "Billy said he came from Chicago. I want to know what town I came from."

» Carved Pumpkins





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Highlighting with HTML 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, October 25, 2010

All the comments and feedback on yesterday's article about
PayPal were positive. When I wrote a similar article about 
five or six years ago, there were all kinds of horror stories
attributed to what rumors friends had heard. There was not
one single one of those scaremongering third party rumors
this time.

Has the scaremongering by the Gulible Warming hucksters
made people more critical of unsubstantiated rumors?
Good!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of the free. The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of the brave. --- Socratex A man is often a bad adviser to himself and a good adviser to another. --- Socratex
How do you tell the difference between the psychologists and the patients in a psychiatric hospital? Short term: The psychologists show off expensive footwear. Long term: The patients get better and leave.
A business traveller was passing through a small town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. "Who died?" he asked a nearby local. "I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think it's the one in the coffin. Just come along, even if we don't get close enough to hear at the cemetary, maybe we'll find out at the party afterward."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Hi, just thought I'd send you my picture of my Fall Asters. I live on Vancouver Island & they are all blooming very nice. Having nice autumn days, but the rains & wind are supposed to hit soon. The maple is losing it's leaves now, but lovely fall colors yet. Keep up the good work, enjoy your jokes & tips & info. Take care, Betty
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ongley Raymond Ocon III of Danville, California Danville man asks police for ride home, forgets about cocaine in pocket A 19-year-old Danville man was arrested in Redwood City after he asked a policeman for a transbay ride home but forgot about the cocaine he had, the San Mateo County District Attorney's Office reported. Authorities say Ongley Raymond Ocon III had left a party in San Carlos early Sunday when he walked up to a Redwood City patrol car and pressed his face against the driver's side window, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Stephen Wagstaffe. The officer rolled his window down and asked what Ocon wanted. He said he needed a ride home to Danville. Wagstaffe said the officer then asked Ocon if he was carrying anything illegal. "He said yes, but then paused and said no," Wagstaffe said. The conflicting answers prompted the officer to ask Ocon if he could search him, and Ocon consented, Wagstaffe said. That resulted in the discovery of a bindle of cocaine in one of his pockets. Ocon was charged with felony possession of cocaine and was scheduled for arraignment today.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Highlighting in HTML Dear Webby, I took a one year evening course at the college to learn HTML and write pages, but never learned some of the neat stuff you do,like the highlighting, for example on the Recommended Resources headline in the left side menu. I find it neat, but nobody else seems to be able to do it. Is that a secret trick, or can you tell me? Alice Dear Alice It's not a secret at all, just a style. To show the actual code and not have your email program execute it, I will use the # sign instead of the angle brackets before and after the code. To get white text on red highlight, use this code: #font size="+1" color="white" style="background-color: red;"# white text on red highlight, #/font# Instead of "red", you can of course use any of the proper color names or numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Ted's daughter had adopted a stray cat. To his wife's distress, the cat began to use the back of their new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," Ted reassured her. "I'll have him trained in no time." Nettie watched for several days as Ted patiently "trained" their new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, Ted deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Costume Safety Tips Regardless of if your costume is bought or homemade, please use a "homemade" face. As a volunteer with our local fire dept and a first responder, I find it sad that every year at least one child is injured by their costume. Instead of a mask, consider using makeup to create the face. A mask is often bumped out of place and blocks vision. Some masks also contain lead (from the paints) which can be inhaled. Other times small children have had them block their nose and mouth while sleeping and have suffered from a lack of oxygen. So instead of a mask, draw those whiskers and such on the face. If your child's costume has a tail, have them practice stairs with it. You may need to shorten it so that they don't trip over their tail. Don't let them ride their bikes with sandals, tails or other costume parts that can be tangled in the brakes or spokes of the bike. Also avoid materials that are highly flammable. Try to make it with pajama fabric if you can. It is marked as being flame retardant. One step too close to a Jack O lantern can result in third degree burns. Try to place some reflective tape on all sides of the costume and give your child a flash light. Avoid costumes that are of dark or black colors. Lastly, please don't use draw strings around the face or neck area. Use elastic string instead, and make sure it is loose and won't choke a child if caught on something. Source: Very sad experiences. By April http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena, and with a soft trembling voice, he said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45." "37," came the weak reply from Lena.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While taking with a client at the coffee shop, I was telling her about a woman who had rear-ended my car at a traffic light. She had tried without any success to blame me for the accident. "She even called me every dirty name in the book!" I said. Just then I looked over to the next table where two nine-year-old boys had apparently been paying close attention to my story. One said to the other, "We got to get that book!"

» Carved Pumpkins





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Genuine Art Prints 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, October 24, 2010

A friend asked me what the difference was between an "Art Print"
and a "Print", when it came to paintings. 

Aside from the price, the major difference is that "Art Prints"
are numbered and signed by the painter, strictly limited in
quantity, and have investment value, because there are only
so many released in the entrie world. 

Regular poster prints are not limited in number. There could
be Thousands, or Millions of them, and they have no investment
value until their numbers have shrunk down to just a few, 
75 to hundred yeas later. 

Art prints are on fine canvas or special art paper, and they 
have the signature of the painter along with two numbers.
For example, 171/250 would indicate that you have #171
out of the 250 that were made. If you pick art prints by 
popular artists, that are already in demand, their value 
will always go up, because the numbers are limited.

I have one client, who sells genuine Art Prints, and also
occasionally some originals on http://artmaster.ca
Have a look and get an idea what real Art Prints are all
about, and see why people use them to inflation-proof
their earnings. 

Len speializes in northern wildlife, but there are Art Prints
available in almost any theme.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr." --- Will Rogers "Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." --- Herbert Hoover "A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway." --- Fr. Jerome Cummings
A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test both men had only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job." "And why would you be doing that? asked Murphy. "We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!" "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed." "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" "Simple," replied the manager. "On question # 5, the American put down, 'I don't know.' You put down 'Neither do I.'"
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home." "Why?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Cassia tree
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Geraldo "Tito" Figueroa, of Waterbury, Conn. Break-in suspect reports his car was stolen OLD SAYBROOK, Conn. (AP) - A Connecticut man was arrested after police said he burglarized three condos then called officers to report that the car he allegedly used in the break-ins had been stolen. Police said 33-year-old Geraldo "Tito" Figueroa, of Waterbury, reported late Monday to Fairfield police that his car had been taken. An officer responding to the burglaries in Old Saybrook, Conn., just hours before said he had spotted Figueroa fleeing the sceene with a pillow case full of items. Police said a car linked to Figueroa was left at the condo complex with items inside that had been reported stolen there. Figueroa was arraigned Wednesday on burglary and larceny charges and was ordered held on $300,000 cash bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marcus Re: PayPal fees Dear Webby, I know you are a PayPal user. My bank told me that PayPal was charging all kinds of hidden fees and was a lot more expensive to use than a bank merchant account. What's the real story? Marcus Dear Marcus If that was true, I would love to know which bank that is. PayPal has no hidden fees. Cost to the seller is 30 cents per transaction plus 2.9% for small amounts falling off to 2.2% for large amounts of money per sale. That's it. No hidden stuff like $20 per check deposit book, or line item charges or statement fees or account costs like at the bank, etc. For personal account transfers within the US and Canada, there is NO fee at PayPal, if you use your PayPal balance. I dare you to find a bank that will match that! If a credit or debit card is used, then the recipient is charged 30 cents per transaction plus 2.9%. That may seem high, until you compare it to what you pay for the same transaction, if you do it through a bank merchant account! With PayPal you don't have cute bank tellers flirting at you, but if cost is the only consideration, then the banks are not really competing, especially when international transactions are involved. The same applies to customers. If they pay for an invoice via PayPal from their balance on PayPal, there is absolutely no fee for them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Asia a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Costume Safety Tips Regardless of if your costume is bought or homemade, please use a "homemade" face. As a volunteer with our local fire dept and a first responder, I find it sad that every year at least one child is injured by their costume. Instead of a mask, consider using makeup to create the face. A mask is often bumped out of place and blocks vision. Some masks also contain lead (from the paints) which can be inhaled. Other times small children have had them block their nose and mouth while sleeping and have suffered from a lack of oxygen. So instead of a mask, draw those whiskers and such on the face. If your child's costume has a tail, have them practice stairs with it. You may need to shorten it so that they don't trip over their tail. Don't let them ride their bikes with sandals, tails or other costume parts that can be tangled in the brakes or spokes of the bike. Also avoid materials that are highly flammable. Try to make it with pajama fabric if you can. It is marked as being flame retardant. One step too close to a Jack O lantern can result in third degree burns. Try to place some reflective tape on all sides of the costume and give your child a flash light. Avoid costumes that are of dark or black colors. Lastly, please don't use draw strings around the face or neck area. Use elastic string instead, and make sure it is loose and won't choke a child if caught on something. Source: Very sad experiences. By April http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo, so he pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

» 1893 World Fair





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Ol' Blue 

University life!

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in College Station that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks. " Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue into that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read... so he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing' around with that young lady who lives in town?" The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and then went into politics.

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Bay Street Clothes 

Two men from Quebec are walking along Bay Street they see a sign which reads,
"Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair"

Maurice says to his pal, Andre: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Toronto accent."

They go in and Maurice orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and....

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Quebec, aren't you?" "Oh, yes," says a surprised Maurice. "How come you know dat?"

The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaner business."


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Pictures not showing in Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, October 23, 2010
I was surprised at the feedback on my articles on spreadsheets.
It seems a lot of people, even though they had been on computers
for many years and were quite comfortable with Yahoo and 
FaceBook, had never been introduced to spreadsheets. 
Now, after playing with them for five minutes, it was as if they 
had received the key to the toy store.

Trixie wrote that after she showed my formula for the Thank-You 
letters to her boss, he dumped the $600 program, that they
had cussed at for years, that was supposed to accomplish the 
same as my formula does, but was not quite flexible enough. 
Now she plays with spreadsheets instead of Farmville. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"When it is time to die, let us not discover that we never lived." ---Henry David Thoreau I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. --- Groucho Marx
Two men from Arkansas are Walking along Sam Houston Street they see a sign which reads, " Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair" Bubba says to his pal, Josh: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl." They go in and Bubba orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and.... The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?" "Oh, yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners business."
The Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then drove to town, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold." So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
Free Psychic Reading Click this link and get a reading based on your birth date and name. If it helps you win the lottery, I sure would appreciate a tip! In the meantime, Tara promised to throw some coins at me for every one who asks for a free reading via this link. I wish I could afford to throw coins and bills at YOU! Free reading
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Monument Valley floor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elizabeth Moreau, 27, ESPN Gullible reporter pranked OCTOBER 21--In a move straight out of the Pranknet playbook, an ESPN reporter early this morning was convinced by an unknown caller to her hotel to break out her room's windows because the building was purportedly on fire. According to a Gainesville Police Department report, ESPNU reporter Elizabeth Moreau was in her room at a Hilton Garden Inn when a male caller advised “that the hotel was on fire.” The man first directed Moreau, 27, to “lay towels down at the bottom of her front door to prevent smoke from entering her room.” The caller then directed Moreau to use the toilet tank lid to break out the window. “She then went to the window and used it to break out the window. The window was broken and the toilet lid broke upon falling to the ground outside,” police reported. It is unknown who was responsible for today’s hoax, which cops have classified a "suspicious incident." Moreau, in Gainesville to cover a women’s volleyball match between the University of Florida and the University of Tennessee, told cops that the caller then advised “that’s what she gets for being bad at ‘sucking di**.’” According to ESPN, at this point, Moreau, pictured above, realized she had been pranked, because she knew, that was not true.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Goldie Re: Pictures not showing I had to get a new computer and it has Windows 7. Since then the pics on your site are not opening. MS said I would have to set up each site for the pic to come thru. Can you help Dear Goldie As usual, MS support doesn't know what they are BSing about. Windows 7 is kinda klutzy, as you probably noticed, but it does work! Just go into your Gmail settings and turn the pictures on. Usually it is the 4th item in the settings: Look for a line marked "External Content" Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man walked into a pet shop, pointed to a large dog in a kennel and said, "How much do you want for that big dog?" "Fifty dollars," replied the clerk. "And how much for that small fella there?" asked the customer. "One hundred dollars," answered the clerk. "And for that tiny one?" "Two hundred dollars," said the clerk. The customer looked puzzled for a moment and then said, "Well, how much will it cost me if I don't buy a dog at all?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laminate and Use Keepsake Maps I invested in a laminating machine from the office store a few years ago for some craft projects, and really got carried away. I had scads of road maps (available for free from each state's tourism office). I cut these to fit my kitchen drawers, laminated them, and slid them in. They can be wiped free of crumbs and spills, and are fun drawer-liners. Then I laminated some brochures from our favorite RV parks, and use them as placemats at rest stops. For the motorhome, I laminated one entire map to use as a giant placemat to cover the whole dining table - it can be rolled up, held together with a rubber band and stored away in the RV. And all of these nice things were free, except the cost of the lamination. By Lady Eleanour from The Rocket City http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Overheard in the bank today: A few ladies were discussing the newsreport about the hormone pills for women in or after menopause claiming that the hormones could lead to 8 more heart attacks in 10 000 people. Most figured that 8 in 10 000 was so small a number that it was probably due to some fluke ot error, and only one of them seemed inclined to consider giving up the estrogen pills. Then the old country doctor, who had just come in, interrupted in her usual gruff and surly manner. She said: "8 in 10 000 is silly! If 10 000 stop using the hormone pills, you'll see 8000 divorces and 800 murders! 8 Heart attacks I can deal with nowadays, but not 10 000 grouchy dingbats!" Everybody cracked up laughing, especially because she has a reputation for being quite a grouch.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

» September's Harvest Moon, Jupiter Rising





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Why are my pictures dingy and drab? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, October 22, 2010
Time to wear a bit of ret to how your support for the troops!

Another beautiful fall day, but definitely a bit of a chill 
in the air. I was looking forward to a red harvest moon, but 
the farmers seem to be holding off with the harvest. It is the 
dust from thousands of combines that makes the prettiest
harvest moons in this area.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge. " --- Lao Tzu (6th Century BC Chinese Poet) "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Bob pressed. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet...."
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The trembling monkey said, "Because you are the King of the Jungle, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The terrified deer stammered, "Oh great lion, because you are the King of the Jungle, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll, the lion swaggered up to little field mouse and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" And the little field mouse replied, "I haven't had my coffee yet."
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Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Herbstzeitlose, after the harvest flowers.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ruth Crow, 54, Ridgeway, Wisconsin Woman returning from DUI court appearance arrested for another DUII A Ridgeway woman returning from a court appearance Monday in Waukesha for allegedly driving drunk was arrested in Madison for another drunken driving offense, this time after crashing into two vehicles, Madison police reported. Ruth Crow, 54, was tentatively charged with either her sixth or seventh drunken driving offense following her arrest at 2 p.m. Tuesday on South Midvale Boulevard at the westbound Beltline exit, police said. "She evidently decided to have a few beers before returning home," said Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain. According to the incident report, Crow made an appearance in Waukesha County Circuit Court on Monday morning, where she was charged with a fifth or sixth operating while intoxicated offense. (State court records show Crow got a fourth OWI in 2005). "Her commute back to Iowa County was unsuccessful," DeSpain said. She reportedly ran the red light at the exit and collided with an SUV and a car on South Midvale Boulevard. The drivers of the two vehicles — a 46-year-old female from Verona and a 38-year-old man from Madison — said Crow tried to drive away after crashing, but her car was too badly damaged. "One of the drivers told an officer that it looked like she was trying to floor it, but the wheels were spinning," DeSpain said. Crow blew a 0.13 on the breathalyzer; the legal limit for drivers with no priors or up to three DUIs is 0.08, for multi-offenders with more than three OWIs the limit is 0.02.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wolfie Re: Why are my pictures so drab? Dear Webby, The pictures you feature are always so bright and clear. My own look drab and dingy by comparison. Even when you get pictures from others, they too are always in bright colors and sharp. Do you enhance them? How? Wolfie Dear Wolfie Sometimes I enhance them a bit, to bring them up to the standard that you expect on the Humor Letter, but that is very rare, maybe once every hundred pictures. Normally I just cut them down to the right size, like I did today. Most likely you got your graphics program set to compress the file size. Especially, if you use Adobe, that throws away a lot of color depth, and pictures look dingier, the more often you save them. I use PSP and turn compression off completely. Compression has nothing to do with the dimensions of a picture. It is simply compressing the file size by throwing away pixels that look similar to the ones near them. Try the same and turn file size compression off. You will be surprised how much better the pictures look! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?" "No, not at all. Sometimes when we play bridge with our neighbors I have to partner with my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Leftover Coffee Here's a couple of tips to make use of leftover coffee. Instead of reusing coffee grounds as some people do, I reuse the leftover coffee itself. It seems that nobody wants to drink the last cup or two in the pot in our house so, instead of throwing it down the sink, I blend it with the fresh pot. I decrease the fresh grounds for the new pot I'm making by a scoop or two and mix the fresh water with the leftover coffee from the previous pot. I've been doing this for years; it hasn't damaged the coffeemaker and I still get compliments for making a good cup of coffee. Leftover coffee can also be used when making iced coffee or a smoothie. Freeze leftover coffee in ice cube trays and use coffee cubes instead of plain ice. Coffee cubes added to gravy or stew gives a lovely color and taste. Believe it or not, coffee makes an awesome after shower hair rinse for dark haired people and it smells great. Source: Years of living on a tight budget. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me." "Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

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Which spreadsheet is best? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, October 21, 2010
The US Dollar is really taking a beating. I deposited some checks
from US clients at the bak, and got just 91 cents Canadian per 
US Dollar. Ouch! 
Let's hope the November 2 election will restore some hope and 
confidence in the US economy! If this slide continues, it is 
going to be an expensive winter for many of you. Better
stock up, if you can!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know. --- Ambrose Bierce "Ignorance once dispelled is difficult to reestablish." --- Laurence J. Peter Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan "Vegetarians don't live longer, they just look older." --- Socratex
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how- ever, want to thank you for the sausage lasagna recipe."
Ray had just reached his 175th birthday last week. Surrounded by reporters, he was asked, "Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 175?" Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone." A reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something else -- diet, meditation, or *something*. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 175 years!" The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. Then he shrugged. "Hmmm. Maybe you're right."
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Thanks to Beetle for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, A friend was asked to take care of the Sattley Cash Store and Post Office for a week. He invited me to assist. When standing at the counter in the store, one would turn around and help the post office customer. Sattley,Ca is northwest of Truckee,Ca. Take Care Beetle
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Roth, 65, of Ponte Vedra, Florida Driver ran amok JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- A Ponte Vedra Beach man is accused of ramming several cars Saturday night at the Beaches with witnesses saying the driver's vehicle topped speeds of 90 miles per hour. Joel Roth, 65, is charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Roth told investigators following his arrest, "I thought I was God and could do anything in the world. When asked why he rammed all of the vehicles, Roth responded, "I thought I was the smartest guy in the world." Altogether five vehicles were rammed in separate incidents in Jacksonville Beach, Neptune Beach and Jacksonville. Staley Street, who was one of the victims, told police she believed the suspect was trying to kill her. "He came up from nowhere. I looked in my rear view for a split second I saw headlights like they were almost in my trunk. And then we went flying and then we continued to get smashed into over and over again," said Street who was on J. Turner Butler along with a roommate Saturday night. Police reports said at least one person sustained injuries. Roth was arrested in Atlantic Beach after police say he hit three cars on 3rd Street after exiting the expressway.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Millie Re: Which Spreadsheet is best? Dear Webby, There are lots of different spreadsheets available.Which one is best, and still affordable? Millie Dear Millie The best one is the one you are used to. VisiCalc was the first one, and ever since then, companies that copied the concept, have sued each other for copyright infringement. First there was the war between Lotus 123 and Quattro, then Microsoft entered the fray with Excel, and so on. The result was that each company did their own cosmetic changes to look a bit different. In Quattro, for example, to pull in the data from cell B10, you use +B10 In Excel you use =B10 Yeah, little girls tying the ribbon in their hair differently. Excel is in Microsoft Office and about as popular as Outlook Express, because it comes pre-loaded as a trial sample with every Windows machine. Microsoft Office is $279 Quattro is in Corel Office (formerly WordPerfect Office). The newest version of Corel Office is $259 You can usually pick up a previous version of Corel Office on eBay for $15 - $50. The changes between versions are not really worth mentioning. Calc in Open Office is free, and it can pick up files from Excel and from Quattro, and also write them in those formats. Even if a teacher gets a kickback from the local Microsoft vendor and insists on Excel, students can use the free Open Office Calc, and save their homework in Excel format. You can guess what a lot of students are using nowadays! $279 buys an awful lot of beer, ahem I mean school books. The same goes for industry and commerce. They don't switch suddenly, but whenever they need to replace machines, they put Open Office onto the new machines. Europe is leading in that, possibly because they replace machines more frequently, but the same trend is becoming noticeable here too. Then there are the on-line spreadsheets like Google Spreadsheets. They are still a bit basic and slow, but in five years will be quite competitive. For right now, especially since cost seems to be a consideration factor, I would recommend the free Open Office Calc for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Once upon a time,.... Margaret Thatcher and her Cabinet were meeting over lunch to discuss an important bit of impending legislation. "And what will you have, Madam?" asked the waiter, coming over with his notepad. "I'll have the Beef Wellington," replied the Prime Minister promptly, eager to get on with the business at hand. "And, for the vegetables?" continued the waiter politely. Thatcher replied briskly, "They'll have the same."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Mylar Balloons I have a few ideas for the shiny metallic-looking Mylar balloons that would otherwise go to a landfill: more.... (long article) http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said, "Zoo or no zoo, both on top, THAT I gotta see!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man walks into a bar with a duck and a big bisquit tin. He sets the duck on top of the biscuit box on the bar and the duck begins dancing. The barman finds this rather interesting, as do the rest of the patrons in the bar. They all gather around the duck and watch it for a long time. While everyone is watching the duck dance, they buy more drinks from the bar. By the end of the night, the bar is full of people watching this amazing duck, still dancing and letting out an odd quack now and again. The barman realizes that he hasn't had business this good in a long time. Business is so good, in fact, that he offers to buy the duck from the man. The man tells the bartender that he can have the duck for 500 pounds. The barman thinks it is a bit expensive, but agrees to buy the duck anyway. After selling the duck, the man goes home, leaving a crowded pub watching his dancing duck. Later that night, the man gets a telephone call from the barman, who exclaims that the duck is a great success and that he has earned his money back in the amount of drinks he has sold. Then the barman says, "There is one thing, though. How do you get the duck to stop dancing?" And the man says, "Oh, it's simple. Just take the lid of the biscuit box and blow out the candle."

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