It's Punday 

One Day Lief Ericsson came across a little lemming who was about to jump off a cliff into a river. Lief said "Don't jump little lemming".

He gave the lemming to his assistant who taught the lemming to wade across the river instead of jumping off a cliff.

The moral of the story is, of course,







If Lief hands you a lemming, make lemmings wade.



[ view entry ] ( 304 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.2 / 333 )


TV over the Internet 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, November 8, 2010

Subscriber Nan sent me a link to the Vietnam Veterans
Virtual Wall. I was in too much of a hurry to look at it then,
but when I did look, I was awestruck.

We more or less forgot about that war.It was protested,
defunded, and lost without honor. Seeing the huge number
of people listed by state and home town was a shock.
Whether they understood what the war was about or not,
they DID give their live for their ciuntry.
The Virtual Wall is at http://www.virtualwall.org/iStates.htm

DearWebby

"Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship." --- Benjamin Franklin "To be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you don't be." --- Golda Meir
Bill's mom told him she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Angus McGillicuddy was looking for a gift for a friend of his. Everything he saw in the store was too expensive. Then he came across a glass vase that had been broken, which could be purchased for next to nothing. The tightwad asked the store clerk to send the gift, hoping his friend would think that the vase had been broken during transit. A couple of weeks later, the tightwad received an acknowledgment for the gift. "Thanks for the vase," read the card. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now. Price will go up soon!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Porslin Flower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Misty McCollister, 35, in Minden, Nevada MINDEN, Nev. - A Nevada woman has admitted letting her 12-year-old son drive her car because she was too drunk. The Gardnerville Record-Courier reports 35-year-old Misty McCollister awaits sentencing Dec. 14. She pleaded guilty Tuesday to attempted child abuse or neglect. McCollister was arrested Oct. 17 near her home after a witness reported seeing a car weaving in and out of its lane and varying its speed. The witness told sheriff's deputies he passed the vehicle and saw a child in the driver's seat. Another woman and a 7-year-old child also were in the car. McCollister told District Judge Dave Gamble that the other woman refused to drive because she didn't have her glasses, so she put her son on her lap so he could drive them home. She admitted to drinking all that weekend. Misty McCollister apparently blew .299 and required medical clearance prior to being put in jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: TV over the net Hi Webby, Loving the email and the advice but I need to ask for help. I've been hearing a lot about programs that, for a one time fee, allow you to view TV from the computer. Can you recommend one? Dear Patti I don't watch TV very often. Last time I watched anything, was the final hockey game in the Winter Olympics. Some of those TV over the net deals are really cheap, but you get only weird channels, and some are more expensive, but you get better channels. One caution, though: If you have slow dial-up, and YouTube videos don't play properly, then live TV probably won't be much better. On DSL or cable Internet, live TV is smooth and sharp. The best compromise I could find is TVnoop. They got BBC News CNN SKY News Al Jazeera FOX News Sports Movies Music Channels from 120 countries Absolutely ZERO monthly costs – live TV free of any monthly charge or recurring monthly subscription. A lifetime license for free updates is included in this package. 2150 Channels - Select your favorites out of 2150 international satellite based channels from most of the countries including USA, UK and many others. No additional hardware required - This is software only, one that can be installed on any Internet enabled PC desktop or Laptop. There is no need to add additional hardware such as a TV tuner or DVR card. With THIS link you can get it for $49, $20 less than retail cost: TV over the net Since you are probably paying a lot more than that EVERY month, you can't lose, even if takes you a while to figure out which of the 2150 channels are going to be your favorites. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know" said the man, "but I can't. Until snow plowing season starts and more money comes in, I can't afford a divorce!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freshen Sheets Every Morning Truth be told, I change my bedsheets once a week. But I love the smell of clean bed linens and the smell of baby powder. When I make up the bed every morning, I sprinkle baby powder over the bottom sheet and a little on the pillow cases. It's nice climbing into a fresh smelling bed. I bought a body mist recently that was too fruity smelling to my personal taste (I smelled like a raspberry), so I used the mist on my bedsheets. That was nice too and used up the product that would otherwise have sat on the shelf for ages. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart. Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the reply, "Excuse me." What the little girl said instead was: "Watch out, here comes another one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Cindy was at an interview with the company psychiatrist as part of a job interview. As she sat in the chair, the psychiatrist asked a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company. Things were not not going well for her. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, to give her one last chance. He asked, "if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" Cindy quickly responded, "the living one."

» Canada's Greatest Jobs





[ view entry ] ( 177 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 222 )
Who starts those virus hoax rumors? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, November 7, 2010

In the US and Canada, reset your wall clocks and watches to 
an hour earlier than they show.
We are now on winter time until March 13.
Set them all to what your computer shows. It reset at 2 am, but
your appliances are not connected to the net.

Europe and Australia have already switched.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Getting caught is the mother of invention. --- Robert Byrne Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess If the sun always shines, there's a desert below. It takes a little rain to make love grow. --- Socratex The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive. --- O.A. Battista
An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller after the bank had been robbed for the third time by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about the man?" he asked. "Yes, he seems to be better dressed each time," the teller replied.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day she goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Walmart?"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now. Price will go up soon!

Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 33 year old man in Okaloosa, Florida Driver tries to avoid arrest by jumping seats in moving vehicle OKALOOSA ISLAND — A man who tried to avoid arrest by vacating the driver’s seat while his car was still moving was arrested for driving without a valid license. The incident began around 3:40 p.m. when an Okaloosa County deputy initiated a traffic stop on the 1990 Cadillac sedan near the Coast Guard station on U.S. Highway 98, according to a sheriff’s report. Before the vehicle pulled over, the deputy observed the driver “jump over the back of the driver’s seat into the rear seat area as the car was still traveling. The front seat passenger slid over to the driver’s seat and stopped the car,” the report stated. A search of the original driver’s license revealed the 33-year-old’s license had been suspended after he didn’t pay traffic fines. During the course of the stop, the deputy also found four grams of marijuana inside a package of cigarettes. When questioned, the driver said he had left the driver’s seat to avoid arrest, but said the marijuana was his and that the passenger was unaware of its pres-ence, the report stated. The man was charged with driving with his license suspended and possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Phyllis Re: Who starts those virus hoaxes? Dear Webby, who starts those virus hoaxes? Is it virus makers crying wolf, so that we stop paying attention, or is it anti-virus programs trying to sell their stuff, or who? Phyllis Dear Phyllis Neither one of those. It's spammers, who are trying to collect the names and addresses of the most gullible people on the net. If they fall for that BS and forward it, then they are obviously very gullible, and chances are good, that the friends they are forwarding it to, are also not too smart. In general, when forwarding anything to more than just the closest friends, smart people put the extra addresses into the BCC field, not out in the open. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A Senator was asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freshen Sheets Every Morning Truth be told, I change my bedsheets once a week. But I love the smell of clean bed linens and the smell of baby powder. When I make up the bed every morning, I sprinkle baby powder over the bottom sheet and a little on the pillow cases. It's nice climbing into a fresh smelling bed. I bought a body mist recently that was too fruity smelling to my personal taste (I smelled like a raspberry), so I used the mist on my bedsheets. That was nice too and used up the product that would otherwise have sat on the shelf for ages. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"I understand, Doctor, that many husbands snore," said the young wife, "but you've got to help me stop mine. He's a ventriloquist and snores on both sides of me at the same time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On the morning after the consummation of the marriage of two senior citizens, the new bride awoke purring. Hearing her new husband running water in the bathroom, she said, "Did you just brush your teeth?" The husband answered, "Yes, dear. And while I was at it, I brushed yours too."

» Very Berry





[ view entry ] ( 159 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 222 )
The Good Old Days 

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!

__________________________________________

The year is 1910
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:

__________________________________________

The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !

The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year ..

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year,
a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year,
and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 % of all births took place at HOME .

90% of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had only 45 stars ....

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and

Only 6% of all Americans had graduated from high school..

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.

Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,

Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health'

( Shocking? DUH! )

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help ....

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

IT STAGGERS THE MIND, DOESN'T IT?



[ view entry ] ( 1287 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 434 )


Virus warning emails 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, November 6, 2010

Today the combines were active in the fields along the highway,
trailing plumes of dust. The last few days we had warm weather
and 12 - 14% humidity, just perfect for drying the grain. Here
the farmers don't use combines to cut the grain. They cut it with
big tractors and windrow it, to let it dry a few days. 

Then they drive along with the big combines picking up the 
windrows, threshing the grain, shredding the straw to return it
to the field, and pouring the grain into the oversize trucks.

The price they get for the grain depends not only on the
nutritive quality, but the moisture content, or lack of it. 
Windrowing is extra work, but they consider it worth it.

I always enjoy seeing a herd of combines working a field.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The purpose of life is to fight maturity. --- Dick Werthimer Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. --- Ambrose Bierce I have a perfect memory. I can't remember the last time I forgot something. --- Socratex An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Evan Esar
Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?" He replied, "Probably the same thing."
The band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" another student asked. "Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Bird of paradise
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deon Williams, 19, in Brooklyn, NY birdbrained bandit took turkey stuffing to a whole new level A Brooklyn teen was caught on video shoving a 12-pound turkey breast into his baggy sweatpants -- and then waddling out of a Bed-Stuy grocery with an irate butcher hot on his trail, sources said yesterday. "He's got a big turkey in his pants!" Fine Fare Grocery cashier Michelle Benjamin yelled to butcher Sergio Marte, who chased down alleged poultry poacher Deon Williams, 19, outside the Marcus Garvey Boulevard store. "You have something in your pants!" Marte barked at Williams, who squealed back, "I'll give it to you -- don't touch me!" "I don't want to touch you -- just give me the turkey!" Marte demanded. Williams dumped it on the street, and when Marte bent over to pick it up, the teen clocked him in the jaw, the butcher said. "He swung at me, and then he ran," the 42-year-old butcher said, showing off a still-swollen cheek. The brazen heist was caught on surveillance video, and cops nabbed Williams on Wednesday. "We know this guy," store owner Julio Delossantos told The Post. "He had two friends with him. I believe they were learning from him. "Even though customers were there, he did it right in front of them." The cashier, Benjamin, said, "I saw him putting it in his clothes," adding that she saw his two apprentices paying close attention. "I asked [Williams], 'What are you teaching the both of them?' " She said she demanded the teen put the turkey back -- and he claimed he would, but instead, he just walked out the door. "We told the manager to look at the camera, but by the time he did, they were already walking out," Benjamin said. Williams was charged with robbery, petit larceny and criminal possession of the stolen poultry. He is due back in court Nov. 15. It's not the first time he used his pants to stash a five-finger discount, sources said. Williams was arrested on Aug. 5 after trying to smuggle seven cans of Red Bull out of a bodega on Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint, authorities said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wendy Re: Fake parcel pick-up warning Dear Webby, I keep getting these warning mails about UPS and postal parcel pick-up notices. Are they just a hoax or are they real? Wendy Dear Wendy There was a virus that sent those notices a year ago, and some people say it is going around again, but I have never seen those, only the warnings about them. Quite possibly my MailWasher dumps them without showing them to me. If you do get a parcel pick-up notice by email, just dump it. The post office sends you paper notices, if you have a parcel, FedEx leaves a paper door hanger if they have tried to deliver, while you were out, and UPS, especially across the border, is always bad news anyway. But even they leave a paper notice. UPS may be OK for local deliveries in some areas, but across the border, they are VERY bad news. They charge a brokerage fee, that is usually more than the item is worth. On cross-border orders I always specify: Order cancelled if shipped via UPS. Since 2004 I even have a page up , that spells that out, with invoices that show why. Why Not UPS Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
The CEO was scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention so he asked one of his top employees to write a punchy, 20 minute speech for him. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour long speech?!" he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I was finished." George was baffled. "I wrote you a 20 minute speech," he replied. I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Sink Storage Ideas I have a tip for those of us that still like to do dishes by hand. I was tired of looking at the bottle of dish soap on my sink, so I decides to get a cute pickle dish with 3 sections at the dollar store and place my sink items I use every day in it. I also got a lemon squirt bottle for my dish soap. That way you don't waste as much and no big bottle at your sink. You can use ketchup/mustard any refillable smaller bottle. I know I could put it under my sink, but, with everyone using the sink, it's easier for us. I hope some one can use this idea! By diva53d from Foymount, Ontario http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two men were playing golf together for the very first time. The first player teed off and hit the ball into a clump of trees. He finally got onto the fairway, only to hit the ball into a water hazard. The next shot resulted in a new ball flying over a fence onto a busy street. The second player said, "Maybe you should use an old ball for this shot." The first player replied, "I don't have any old balls."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at that man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That's the prosecutor."

» Homes of Tech Titans





[ view entry ] ( 162 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 229 )
Hidden log file 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, November 5, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

I read that financial institutions offer people different interest
rates on loans, depending on the browser they use. 
If they use IE, they get quoted the highest rate, FireFox is next, 
then Opera, Safari, and with Google Chrome they get the best deal.

Naturally, the Hotmail/IE8 crowd got into a snit, claiming that
just because they use IE8, that does not mean they are less
trustworthy.

It doesn't. They miss the point. Trustworthiness is determined
by how promptly you pay your phone bill, not by which browser
you use.

The choice of browser indicates how picky you are, 
and how much you shop around to get exactly what you want.
If you come waltzing in with W7 and IE8, the banks figure you
are easy to please and will sign even at a high interest rate.
At the other end, if you show up with XP and Google Chrome,
they know you will keep shopping around until you get the 
absolute lowest rate. So they make you an offer that you
can't refuse, or will come back to.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare. It is because we do not dare that things are difficult. --- Seneca A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. --- George Bernard Shaw
An elderly couple would constantly argue about everything. The woman often ended the arguments by stating vociferously, “I'll dance on your grave ... I'll dance on your grave!” Sure enough, the man died first. His last request? … To be buried at sea.
John took Jill camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. John tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (There was no moss.), direction of the sun (It was an overcast day). Just as he was beginning to panic, John spotted a small cabin off in the distance. John pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned, and led them right back to the campsite. "That was terrific," Jill said. "How did you do it?" "Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all satellite dishes point south."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Dianne for sending these pictures by her friend TJ Click through the picture to the large version. By TJ Anderson with the added inscription: Many of these trees are between 5,000 and 10,000 years old. Bristle Cone Pines have true staying power. The living trees are thousands of years old, while the dead ones, because of the favorable conditions at this altitude, date back to the beginning of recorded human history. -------- There was no location information, but it looks like an area I remember up on Devil's Backbone south of Torrey, Utah.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Nieveen, 19, in Halloweenie Dressed As Breathalyzer Busted For Drunk Driving In the most amusing moment from the Halloween police blotter, a Nebraska man dressed as a portable Breathalyzer machine was arrested for drunk driving. Matthew Nieveen, 19, was busted early Monday for DUI and being a minor in possession of alcohol. Nieveen was collared after a Lincoln cop pulled over his Ford F-150 after the teenager was spotted driving erratically. Nieveen’s blood alcohol level was more than twice the state’s .08 limit (though he wasn’t supposed to be drinking in the first place). A search of his truck turned up a bottle of vodka and beer. Last Halloween, an Ohio college student wearing a similar Breathalyzer costume was busted for drunk driving and underage drinking and he too got a Bonehead Award.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Moe Re: Hidden diagnostic log file Dear Webby, my dial up accelerator bombing.. so did uninstall and reinstall as usual. but get an error and the diagnostics says a txt file has been saved to clipboard of the log or dump analysis. cannot find it to attach to problem submission. did a search - nothing. did a search for txt files - nothing. even had search dump entire directory - nothing. Dos "feature" ??? moe Dear Moe Clipboard normally means RAM, and normally that name is reserved for just that, so as not to confuse you. If you copy anything else, it dumps the previous copy. You have to paste it immediately into an email or text file, BEFORE you or a program copies anything else. It is possible, though, that those diagnostics have a file or folder named clipboard. That would be kinda dumb, but a program that bombs as often as your accelerator does, obviously was not created by any genius. If there IS a file or folder named clipboard, it should be in there. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?" He said, "I'm a former window washer." I asked, "When did you give it up?" He said, "Oh, about halfway down."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money On Ground Beef To save money on ground hamburger, turkey, etc. I buy it in bulk right before the 'best sold by date'. This way I get $2 to $3 off and often get hamburger for $1/lb! Then I separate it into pound amounts and freeze them for use when I need it. By emhauss from Lewisburg, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down here at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. Susan thought it was me coming home drunk."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bob and Nancy had a huge argument. They ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, Bob asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," she said, "now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" she challenged. "No," he said, "I just, thought you were finished with arguing and we were getting along again."

» Earthy Calendar





[ view entry ] ( 162 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 248 )
How to remove sappy captions from PPS slide shows 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, November 4, 2010

Nice and warm fall day today. The mountains are pretty when
the snow comes three quarters of the way down. 
That's the way I like it best. It will be at the door step soon
enough.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. --- Andre Gide Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye guide dog bit me."
A History professor was explaining how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. "Take Miss America in 1921," he noted. "She stood 5'1" tall, weighed 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's beauty contest?" "One student piped up, "Not very well! She'd be way too old!"
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph David DiVanna, 47, of Sarasota, Florida Fla. man arrested in diaper: Md. teens taunted me OCEAN CITY, Md. (AP) - A Florida man arrested for disorderly conduct while wearing a diaper on Halloween says he was pelted with candy by teenagers and wasn't drunk at the time. Maryland State Police said 47-year-old Joseph David DiVanna of Sarasota, Fla., was arrested about 9:15 p.m. Sunday. State Police said witnesses reported DiVanna cursed at adults and children in the Fox Chapel neighborhood of West Ocean City as he tried to get them to give him candy. Divanna said he was wearing a full baby costume complete with T-shirt, bib and bonnet and believes neighbors upset at his trick-or-treating alerted police. Divanna said he had been drinking, but wasn't drunk and was provoked by teens, who he said were the ones acting disorderly.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eleanor Re: How do I get rid of sappy captions in PPS? Dear Webby, Friends often send me beautiful PPS slide shows, but too often they are ruined with sappy questions, often even in foreign languages. Is there a way to get rid of them, or at least translate them or shrink them, so that they don't ruin a beautiful picture? Thanks Eleanor Dear Eleanor Yes, there sure is! Open the PPS with Open Office Impress, in Normal mode, not Play mode. Click on a caption, that opens it in editing mode. Click it's outline border, and hit DELETE. It's gone. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Packaging Boxes as Gift Wrapping Why buy packaging boxes for money? Instead of throwing away packaging boxes, such as cereal boxes, cake boxes or any box that is clean on the inside, I save them for use in gift wrapping any items that need boxes. I normally decoupage on top to make it special or wrap in newspaper a nd ribbon. But as an idea, why not let the children collage on them, then use the box for great personalized packaging for $0. By Caeridwen from Kent, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Anni was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure the old boy'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," her friend replied. "Normally, yes," said Anni. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

» Fall Flora Fotos





[ view entry ] ( 154 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 295 )
Make Open Office Impress play by default 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I wonder how many Senators will see the writing on the wall and 
rather switch in the next two years, than endanger their warm 
place to crap? Usually the ones who got the most help from
the president are the first ones to turn their coats. 
The next election will be easy to predict, but first we have to
struggle through a couple more years of tough economy.
It's a good thing I didn't toss out still good pants, just because 
I outgrew them ten years ago. They are starting to fit again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible." --- Arthur C. Clarke "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." --- Mark Twain
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."
A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed. The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible," to which the husband replied, "No. I'm next to impossible."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Creech, 36 and David Hartsell, 52 in Lexington, KY Theft suspect nabbed after falling through ceiling LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) - As police in Lexington sought a second man for theft of copper from a vacant house, Charles Creech came tumbling through a ceiling. The 36-year-old Creech had hidden in the basement ceiling after police responded to a neighbor's call about noise coming from the house. Police spokesman Lt. Chris Van Brackel told the Lexington Herald-Leader officers captured 52-year-old David Hartsell after a foot chase Monday afternoon and were checking the home when the drywall gave way and Creech fell to the floor. He was taken to a hospital, then charged with second-degree burglary and possession of burglary tools. Hartsell also faces burglary charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Automatic default play a PPS in Open Office? Dear Webby, "You may have to make Open Office Impress the default program for PPS and PPT files. How, dear Webby, How??? I have been doing the F5 thing, and I hate it. I just want them to play. Jai Dear Jai Just for those, who don't like having to hit F5,... There is a recent extension (or package, depending on the term your distro uses) for OpenOffice named ImpressRunner. Install it and, whenever you open a PPS, it will be directly displayed in slideshow. http://oooconv.free.fr/impressRunner/ImpressRunner-1.0.oxt Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
While searching for something in the Humor Letter Archive, I came across this gem: From Trisha: Dear Webby, I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one. So I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her. Then she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. HUH, must not have had any in stock. In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock. He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. He started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him. "You're killing me!" Something like that and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn't trying to kill him I wasn't even hurting him. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it and walked away laughing. The guy in the fourth store said something like, "boob" under his breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores maybe have to order from a catalog or online. So that's why I am writing you for help. I'm sure you tech support people can help me locate my sex drive, and I would appreciate it if you would also help me figure out what to do with it. Trisha
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sign and Date Your Crafts Always sign and date your labors of love. I have homemade ornaments from many years ago. Some aren't signed and it's sad not to remember who took the time to create their "labor of love". By Keeper from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "Why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?" "Well," the other responded, "When I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."

» Canada's Wilderness Jewel





[ view entry ] ( 185 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 263 )
Coalition of Idiots 

Feminists, Christians,
Professors For Academic Freedom
and Gays only demonstrate against Israel in the Free World.


This is because in the Muslim world they are all
in burkas,
in hiding,
in jail,
or dead.


[ view entry ] ( 368 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1407 )


Random Thoughts 

Random thoughts while
sipping my 2nd bottle of wine:


1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9) Bad decisions make good stories.

10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?



13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

15) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.


[ view entry ] ( 299 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.8 / 689 )


Liberal 

"How do you starve a Liberal to death?"









You hide his food stamps under his work boots.








hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahah


[ view entry ] ( 298 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 893 )


Color Pick-Up 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 27, 2010

US spending is way up. 
Unfortunately, not on the economy, but on election BS.
By 2012 sign painting will be a very lurative career.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." --- Rita Rudner Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. --- Kati I love being married... I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. --- Brian Kiley
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of quality time in a sub-compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting."
The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Erika for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Monument Valley, UT
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Logan Napolitano, 18 in Pawtucket, RI Dopey bank robbers PAWTUCKET, R.I. (UPI) -- A teenage couple in Rhode Island robbed a bank, claiming to have a bomb, but were captured within hours, police said. Logan Napolitano, 18, and his 15-year-old girlfriend walked into a Bank Rhode Island branch in Pawtucket Thursday afternoon, saying they had a bomb in a garbage bag, police told the Providence Journal. Then the masked girl opened the bag and demanded the tellers fill it with money. Five hours later, detectives found the couple in a Providence house, with drugs in her purse and nearly all the stolen money inside his car. The girl was taken to a juvenile facility, but Napolitano had a drug reaction during his arrest and was hospitalized, said Maj. Arthur Martins. Dye packs slipped in with the cash burst and stained their clothes, their skin, the money and the interior of Napolitano's car, said Pawtucket Detective Donti Rosciti. A witness saw the license plate of the getaway vehicle, which led police to Napolitano's home. He was not home, but police obtained the girl's cell phone number and used it to locate the pair. Some of the money was used to buy drugs, Rosciti said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ki Re: Pixie, Eyedropper, color pickers Dear Webby, I love your Humour letter, please never quit. It always makes my day. In regards to the colours for a website: I personally am colour blind so doing any Photoshopping becomes more than a bit of a challenge. I've compensated by using Hexidecimal and RGB values. I do this using one website and one (really tiny!) program. The site is http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/ and it also is in alphabetical order. The program is called Pixie. ( http://www.nattyware.com/pixie.php ) which allows you to hover over any spot on your screen and it will tell you the hex, RGB, HTML, CMYK and HSV values of that color. This makes it *much* easier for me to match colours. Sincerely and with many hugs, Ki Dear Ki For color matching I have been using the EyeDropper for many years. You can get it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. It is quite a ways down the page. It sits as an icon down beside the clock. When you need a color number, grab it with the mouse and hover the magnified cross-hair over the color you want. When you got the right color, let go of the mouse button, and the color number is in the clip-board, ready to paste anywhere. When you let go of the mouse button, the eye dropper disappears back into it's icon down by the clock. Like the clock, there is no need to start or restart it, it always works and is always ready. It starts when Windows starts. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
To encourage correct spelling, somebody on the Chicago Daily News staff tacked up this notice on the bulletin board: Let's set our sights high. Let's learn to spell JUDGMENT correctly. Let's repeat to ourselves each day, "Today I will spell JUDGMENT without an E." Who shall be the first to announce this accomplishment? Praise be unto him. - Deranged The next day, right next to that notice, a reporter pinned up this note: Dear Deranged, I tried to spell judgment without an 'e' and it came out judgmnt. Now I'm in a prdicamnt. - Confusd
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Window Locks for Home Safety Here in the east there has been a rash of robberies, by breaking into people's homes. The thieves go through open windows. You can buy a window lock, that allows you to open the window, and lock it in that position. The lock allows for ventilation by securely holding double hung windows in partially open position. Windows open fully when guard is released. 1-9/16 inch guard/mounting area required. 7/8 inch minimum glass inset. 3/4 x 1inch strike. Screws included. So if you want just a little fresh air you can set the window lock, that the window is only open a few inches. You can either purchase them on the Internet or in a hardware store. They are also called window vent guards and are made by Stanley. By Lynda http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Texas A & M." ------- Well, I usually use the "AUTO" setting. That seems to work fine.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions...like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"

» Ray Villafane Carved Pumpkins





[ view entry ] ( 191 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 477 )
I'm Ready 

Boo!




[ view entry ] ( 335 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 818 )


Big Boy Big Ride 

A Boy and His Chopper

Off to Wal Mart

[ view entry ] ( 246 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 617 )


Snagged From The Internet 

Cute Dog

I'm not sorry!

[ view entry ] ( 337 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 642 )


In The River 

I saw a terrorist fall into the Bow River
(near downtown Calgary, Alberta) this morning,
and being a responsible citizen I informed emergency services.


It's 6:00 PM and they still haven't responded!


I'm now starting to think I've wasted a stamp!


[ view entry ] ( 294 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 870 )


Happy Halloween 


[ view entry ] ( 427 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1022 )
HTML Color Names 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Looks like Clinton appointed federal Judge Roslyn Silver is trying 
to make sure which way Arizona votes on November 2. Even 
people who are against the death penalty deeply resent the federal
interference based on such a frivolous excuse. What difference
does it make, whether the sodium thiopental was made in Canada
or by a manufacturer in the US, who is using it's monopoly
to create an artificial shortage?

Sodium thiopental is not something new or experimental. It 
is on the World Health Organization list of drugs to be 
"on hand" at any hospital (outside of the US), same as
Aspirin and many other common drugs. For executions
they simply use a much higher dosage, than when a patient
is expected to wake up again shortly afterwards.

The whole issue is just federal meddling, and the results
will probably become very visible on November 2.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. --- Dan Quale Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders. --- Nietzsche
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So the mother arranged to send her 8 year old son to see the clergyman in the morning, and the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed, with his mouth hanging open. So the clergyman repeated the question in a more harsh tone, "Where is God!?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice even louder and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for air, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, bro. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Bill for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby: This is the view from our patio of a sunset over Lake Simcoe near Orillia, ON Canada taken on October 4, 2010. Love your pictures. I hope that you can use this one. All the best. Bill
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Urban, 43, in Framingham, Massachusets Woma admits stealing the wrong car A Framingham woman admitted she stole a car on Wednesday, but she said she mistakenly took the wrong one, police said. Melissa Urban, 43, told police she thought she was stealing her boyfriend's car from the Chicken Bone on Waverly Street, not one that belonged to a stranger, police spokesman Lt. Ron Brandolini said. A man called police at 11:15 p.m. and told police someone stole his Subaru wagon. He said he'd left his keys in the car, Brandolini said. Police put out an alert, and Officer Robert Lewis spotted the car on Western Avenue. Urban was driving, and she immediately admitted what she did. "She stated it was a mistake, that she took the wrong car," Brandolini said. "She said she wanted to steal her boyfriend's car." Urban told police she was on the way back to the Chicken Bone to return the car because she realized her mistake, Brandolini said. Police arrested Urban, of 39 Clark St., and charged her with larceny of a vehicle. She pleaded not guilty at her Framingham District Court arraignment yesterday. Judge Douglas Stoddart released her without bail. She is due back in court Dec. 3 for a pretrial conference.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sonya Re: Color Names Dear Webby, you mentioned Color Names. Is there a chart somewhere with all the proper names, that actually work in all browsers? Thanks Sonya Dear Sonya The official table is at a long address at w3schools.com. I made a shortcut to it: http://webby.com/colornames However, they are sorted alphabetically, not by color. That makes it rather tedious. More useful is the Color Shade table at http://webby.com/colorshades And best of all is the Color Mixer at http://webby.com/colormixer Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and nobody ever gets sick of her cooking!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crack Egg In Cup Before Measuring Shortening Tired of trying to clean the margarine or shortening out of the measuring cup after you use it? I am! But I discovered a trick today. If your recipe calls for an egg(s), crack the egg into the measuring cup your going to use for measuring the margarine or shortening. Pour the egg into your mixing bowl. now using the same measuring cup that the egg was in, measure out the margarine or shortening. You will be surprised at how easily the margarine or shortening comes out leaving behind no greasy gobs of shortening or margarine. By Heidi from Brazil http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob came home and the car was in the dining room, so he asked Mary, "How did the car get in here?" She said, "Looks like I took a left at the kitchen."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Daddy, where did I come from?" the five-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully pre- pared. They took her into the living room, put the encyclopedia CD into the computer and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" her father asked. "No, not really," the little girl said. "Billy said he came from Chicago. I want to know what town I came from."

» Carved Pumpkins





[ view entry ] ( 340 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 467 )
Highlighting with HTML 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, October 25, 2010

All the comments and feedback on yesterday's article about
PayPal were positive. When I wrote a similar article about 
five or six years ago, there were all kinds of horror stories
attributed to what rumors friends had heard. There was not
one single one of those scaremongering third party rumors
this time.

Has the scaremongering by the Gulible Warming hucksters
made people more critical of unsubstantiated rumors?
Good!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of the free. The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of the brave. --- Socratex A man is often a bad adviser to himself and a good adviser to another. --- Socratex
How do you tell the difference between the psychologists and the patients in a psychiatric hospital? Short term: The psychologists show off expensive footwear. Long term: The patients get better and leave.
A business traveller was passing through a small town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. "Who died?" he asked a nearby local. "I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think it's the one in the coffin. Just come along, even if we don't get close enough to hear at the cemetary, maybe we'll find out at the party afterward."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Hi, just thought I'd send you my picture of my Fall Asters. I live on Vancouver Island & they are all blooming very nice. Having nice autumn days, but the rains & wind are supposed to hit soon. The maple is losing it's leaves now, but lovely fall colors yet. Keep up the good work, enjoy your jokes & tips & info. Take care, Betty
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ongley Raymond Ocon III of Danville, California Danville man asks police for ride home, forgets about cocaine in pocket A 19-year-old Danville man was arrested in Redwood City after he asked a policeman for a transbay ride home but forgot about the cocaine he had, the San Mateo County District Attorney's Office reported. Authorities say Ongley Raymond Ocon III had left a party in San Carlos early Sunday when he walked up to a Redwood City patrol car and pressed his face against the driver's side window, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Stephen Wagstaffe. The officer rolled his window down and asked what Ocon wanted. He said he needed a ride home to Danville. Wagstaffe said the officer then asked Ocon if he was carrying anything illegal. "He said yes, but then paused and said no," Wagstaffe said. The conflicting answers prompted the officer to ask Ocon if he could search him, and Ocon consented, Wagstaffe said. That resulted in the discovery of a bindle of cocaine in one of his pockets. Ocon was charged with felony possession of cocaine and was scheduled for arraignment today.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Highlighting in HTML Dear Webby, I took a one year evening course at the college to learn HTML and write pages, but never learned some of the neat stuff you do,like the highlighting, for example on the Recommended Resources headline in the left side menu. I find it neat, but nobody else seems to be able to do it. Is that a secret trick, or can you tell me? Alice Dear Alice It's not a secret at all, just a style. To show the actual code and not have your email program execute it, I will use the # sign instead of the angle brackets before and after the code. To get white text on red highlight, use this code: #font size="+1" color="white" style="background-color: red;"# white text on red highlight, #/font# Instead of "red", you can of course use any of the proper color names or numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Ted's daughter had adopted a stray cat. To his wife's distress, the cat began to use the back of their new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," Ted reassured her. "I'll have him trained in no time." Nettie watched for several days as Ted patiently "trained" their new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, Ted deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Costume Safety Tips Regardless of if your costume is bought or homemade, please use a "homemade" face. As a volunteer with our local fire dept and a first responder, I find it sad that every year at least one child is injured by their costume. Instead of a mask, consider using makeup to create the face. A mask is often bumped out of place and blocks vision. Some masks also contain lead (from the paints) which can be inhaled. Other times small children have had them block their nose and mouth while sleeping and have suffered from a lack of oxygen. So instead of a mask, draw those whiskers and such on the face. If your child's costume has a tail, have them practice stairs with it. You may need to shorten it so that they don't trip over their tail. Don't let them ride their bikes with sandals, tails or other costume parts that can be tangled in the brakes or spokes of the bike. Also avoid materials that are highly flammable. Try to make it with pajama fabric if you can. It is marked as being flame retardant. One step too close to a Jack O lantern can result in third degree burns. Try to place some reflective tape on all sides of the costume and give your child a flash light. Avoid costumes that are of dark or black colors. Lastly, please don't use draw strings around the face or neck area. Use elastic string instead, and make sure it is loose and won't choke a child if caught on something. Source: Very sad experiences. By April http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena, and with a soft trembling voice, he said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45." "37," came the weak reply from Lena.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While taking with a client at the coffee shop, I was telling her about a woman who had rear-ended my car at a traffic light. She had tried without any success to blame me for the accident. "She even called me every dirty name in the book!" I said. Just then I looked over to the next table where two nine-year-old boys had apparently been paying close attention to my story. One said to the other, "We got to get that book!"

» Carved Pumpkins





[ view entry ] ( 191 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 448 )
Genuine Art Prints 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, October 24, 2010

A friend asked me what the difference was between an "Art Print"
and a "Print", when it came to paintings. 

Aside from the price, the major difference is that "Art Prints"
are numbered and signed by the painter, strictly limited in
quantity, and have investment value, because there are only
so many released in the entrie world. 

Regular poster prints are not limited in number. There could
be Thousands, or Millions of them, and they have no investment
value until their numbers have shrunk down to just a few, 
75 to hundred yeas later. 

Art prints are on fine canvas or special art paper, and they 
have the signature of the painter along with two numbers.
For example, 171/250 would indicate that you have #171
out of the 250 that were made. If you pick art prints by 
popular artists, that are already in demand, their value 
will always go up, because the numbers are limited.

I have one client, who sells genuine Art Prints, and also
occasionally some originals on http://artmaster.ca
Have a look and get an idea what real Art Prints are all
about, and see why people use them to inflation-proof
their earnings. 

Len speializes in northern wildlife, but there are Art Prints
available in almost any theme.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr." --- Will Rogers "Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." --- Herbert Hoover "A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway." --- Fr. Jerome Cummings
A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test both men had only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job." "And why would you be doing that? asked Murphy. "We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!" "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed." "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" "Simple," replied the manager. "On question # 5, the American put down, 'I don't know.' You put down 'Neither do I.'"
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home." "Why?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Cassia tree
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Geraldo "Tito" Figueroa, of Waterbury, Conn. Break-in suspect reports his car was stolen OLD SAYBROOK, Conn. (AP) - A Connecticut man was arrested after police said he burglarized three condos then called officers to report that the car he allegedly used in the break-ins had been stolen. Police said 33-year-old Geraldo "Tito" Figueroa, of Waterbury, reported late Monday to Fairfield police that his car had been taken. An officer responding to the burglaries in Old Saybrook, Conn., just hours before said he had spotted Figueroa fleeing the sceene with a pillow case full of items. Police said a car linked to Figueroa was left at the condo complex with items inside that had been reported stolen there. Figueroa was arraigned Wednesday on burglary and larceny charges and was ordered held on $300,000 cash bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marcus Re: PayPal fees Dear Webby, I know you are a PayPal user. My bank told me that PayPal was charging all kinds of hidden fees and was a lot more expensive to use than a bank merchant account. What's the real story? Marcus Dear Marcus If that was true, I would love to know which bank that is. PayPal has no hidden fees. Cost to the seller is 30 cents per transaction plus 2.9% for small amounts falling off to 2.2% for large amounts of money per sale. That's it. No hidden stuff like $20 per check deposit book, or line item charges or statement fees or account costs like at the bank, etc. For personal account transfers within the US and Canada, there is NO fee at PayPal, if you use your PayPal balance. I dare you to find a bank that will match that! If a credit or debit card is used, then the recipient is charged 30 cents per transaction plus 2.9%. That may seem high, until you compare it to what you pay for the same transaction, if you do it through a bank merchant account! With PayPal you don't have cute bank tellers flirting at you, but if cost is the only consideration, then the banks are not really competing, especially when international transactions are involved. The same applies to customers. If they pay for an invoice via PayPal from their balance on PayPal, there is absolutely no fee for them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Asia a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Costume Safety Tips Regardless of if your costume is bought or homemade, please use a "homemade" face. As a volunteer with our local fire dept and a first responder, I find it sad that every year at least one child is injured by their costume. Instead of a mask, consider using makeup to create the face. A mask is often bumped out of place and blocks vision. Some masks also contain lead (from the paints) which can be inhaled. Other times small children have had them block their nose and mouth while sleeping and have suffered from a lack of oxygen. So instead of a mask, draw those whiskers and such on the face. If your child's costume has a tail, have them practice stairs with it. You may need to shorten it so that they don't trip over their tail. Don't let them ride their bikes with sandals, tails or other costume parts that can be tangled in the brakes or spokes of the bike. Also avoid materials that are highly flammable. Try to make it with pajama fabric if you can. It is marked as being flame retardant. One step too close to a Jack O lantern can result in third degree burns. Try to place some reflective tape on all sides of the costume and give your child a flash light. Avoid costumes that are of dark or black colors. Lastly, please don't use draw strings around the face or neck area. Use elastic string instead, and make sure it is loose and won't choke a child if caught on something. Source: Very sad experiences. By April http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo, so he pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

» 1893 World Fair





[ view entry ] ( 200 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 441 )
Ol' Blue 

University life!

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in College Station that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks. " Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue into that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read... so he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing' around with that young lady who lives in town?" The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and then went into politics.

[ view entry ] ( 265 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 918 )


Bay Street Clothes 

Two men from Quebec are walking along Bay Street they see a sign which reads,
"Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair"

Maurice says to his pal, Andre: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Toronto accent."

They go in and Maurice orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and....

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Quebec, aren't you?" "Oh, yes," says a surprised Maurice. "How come you know dat?"

The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaner business."


[ view entry ] ( 240 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 637 )


Pictures not showing in Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, October 23, 2010
I was surprised at the feedback on my articles on spreadsheets.
It seems a lot of people, even though they had been on computers
for many years and were quite comfortable with Yahoo and 
FaceBook, had never been introduced to spreadsheets. 
Now, after playing with them for five minutes, it was as if they 
had received the key to the toy store.

Trixie wrote that after she showed my formula for the Thank-You 
letters to her boss, he dumped the $600 program, that they
had cussed at for years, that was supposed to accomplish the 
same as my formula does, but was not quite flexible enough. 
Now she plays with spreadsheets instead of Farmville. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"When it is time to die, let us not discover that we never lived." ---Henry David Thoreau I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. --- Groucho Marx
Two men from Arkansas are Walking along Sam Houston Street they see a sign which reads, " Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair" Bubba says to his pal, Josh: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl." They go in and Bubba orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and.... The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?" "Oh, yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners business."
The Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then drove to town, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold." So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
Free Psychic Reading Click this link and get a reading based on your birth date and name. If it helps you win the lottery, I sure would appreciate a tip! In the meantime, Tara promised to throw some coins at me for every one who asks for a free reading via this link. I wish I could afford to throw coins and bills at YOU! Free reading
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Monument Valley floor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elizabeth Moreau, 27, ESPN Gullible reporter pranked OCTOBER 21--In a move straight out of the Pranknet playbook, an ESPN reporter early this morning was convinced by an unknown caller to her hotel to break out her room's windows because the building was purportedly on fire. According to a Gainesville Police Department report, ESPNU reporter Elizabeth Moreau was in her room at a Hilton Garden Inn when a male caller advised “that the hotel was on fire.” The man first directed Moreau, 27, to “lay towels down at the bottom of her front door to prevent smoke from entering her room.” The caller then directed Moreau to use the toilet tank lid to break out the window. “She then went to the window and used it to break out the window. The window was broken and the toilet lid broke upon falling to the ground outside,” police reported. It is unknown who was responsible for today’s hoax, which cops have classified a "suspicious incident." Moreau, in Gainesville to cover a women’s volleyball match between the University of Florida and the University of Tennessee, told cops that the caller then advised “that’s what she gets for being bad at ‘sucking di**.’” According to ESPN, at this point, Moreau, pictured above, realized she had been pranked, because she knew, that was not true.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Goldie Re: Pictures not showing I had to get a new computer and it has Windows 7. Since then the pics on your site are not opening. MS said I would have to set up each site for the pic to come thru. Can you help Dear Goldie As usual, MS support doesn't know what they are BSing about. Windows 7 is kinda klutzy, as you probably noticed, but it does work! Just go into your Gmail settings and turn the pictures on. Usually it is the 4th item in the settings: Look for a line marked "External Content" Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A man walked into a pet shop, pointed to a large dog in a kennel and said, "How much do you want for that big dog?" "Fifty dollars," replied the clerk. "And how much for that small fella there?" asked the customer. "One hundred dollars," answered the clerk. "And for that tiny one?" "Two hundred dollars," said the clerk. The customer looked puzzled for a moment and then said, "Well, how much will it cost me if I don't buy a dog at all?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laminate and Use Keepsake Maps I invested in a laminating machine from the office store a few years ago for some craft projects, and really got carried away. I had scads of road maps (available for free from each state's tourism office). I cut these to fit my kitchen drawers, laminated them, and slid them in. They can be wiped free of crumbs and spills, and are fun drawer-liners. Then I laminated some brochures from our favorite RV parks, and use them as placemats at rest stops. For the motorhome, I laminated one entire map to use as a giant placemat to cover the whole dining table - it can be rolled up, held together with a rubber band and stored away in the RV. And all of these nice things were free, except the cost of the lamination. By Lady Eleanour from The Rocket City http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Overheard in the bank today: A few ladies were discussing the newsreport about the hormone pills for women in or after menopause claiming that the hormones could lead to 8 more heart attacks in 10 000 people. Most figured that 8 in 10 000 was so small a number that it was probably due to some fluke ot error, and only one of them seemed inclined to consider giving up the estrogen pills. Then the old country doctor, who had just come in, interrupted in her usual gruff and surly manner. She said: "8 in 10 000 is silly! If 10 000 stop using the hormone pills, you'll see 8000 divorces and 800 murders! 8 Heart attacks I can deal with nowadays, but not 10 000 grouchy dingbats!" Everybody cracked up laughing, especially because she has a reputation for being quite a grouch.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

» September's Harvest Moon, Jupiter Rising





[ view entry ] ( 207 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 540 )
Why are my pictures dingy and drab? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, October 22, 2010
Time to wear a bit of ret to how your support for the troops!

Another beautiful fall day, but definitely a bit of a chill 
in the air. I was looking forward to a red harvest moon, but 
the farmers seem to be holding off with the harvest. It is the 
dust from thousands of combines that makes the prettiest
harvest moons in this area.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge. " --- Lao Tzu (6th Century BC Chinese Poet) "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Bob pressed. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet...."
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The trembling monkey said, "Because you are the King of the Jungle, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The terrified deer stammered, "Oh great lion, because you are the King of the Jungle, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll, the lion swaggered up to little field mouse and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" And the little field mouse replied, "I haven't had my coffee yet."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Herbstzeitlose, after the harvest flowers.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ruth Crow, 54, Ridgeway, Wisconsin Woman returning from DUI court appearance arrested for another DUII A Ridgeway woman returning from a court appearance Monday in Waukesha for allegedly driving drunk was arrested in Madison for another drunken driving offense, this time after crashing into two vehicles, Madison police reported. Ruth Crow, 54, was tentatively charged with either her sixth or seventh drunken driving offense following her arrest at 2 p.m. Tuesday on South Midvale Boulevard at the westbound Beltline exit, police said. "She evidently decided to have a few beers before returning home," said Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain. According to the incident report, Crow made an appearance in Waukesha County Circuit Court on Monday morning, where she was charged with a fifth or sixth operating while intoxicated offense. (State court records show Crow got a fourth OWI in 2005). "Her commute back to Iowa County was unsuccessful," DeSpain said. She reportedly ran the red light at the exit and collided with an SUV and a car on South Midvale Boulevard. The drivers of the two vehicles — a 46-year-old female from Verona and a 38-year-old man from Madison — said Crow tried to drive away after crashing, but her car was too badly damaged. "One of the drivers told an officer that it looked like she was trying to floor it, but the wheels were spinning," DeSpain said. Crow blew a 0.13 on the breathalyzer; the legal limit for drivers with no priors or up to three DUIs is 0.08, for multi-offenders with more than three OWIs the limit is 0.02.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wolfie Re: Why are my pictures so drab? Dear Webby, The pictures you feature are always so bright and clear. My own look drab and dingy by comparison. Even when you get pictures from others, they too are always in bright colors and sharp. Do you enhance them? How? Wolfie Dear Wolfie Sometimes I enhance them a bit, to bring them up to the standard that you expect on the Humor Letter, but that is very rare, maybe once every hundred pictures. Normally I just cut them down to the right size, like I did today. Most likely you got your graphics program set to compress the file size. Especially, if you use Adobe, that throws away a lot of color depth, and pictures look dingier, the more often you save them. I use PSP and turn compression off completely. Compression has nothing to do with the dimensions of a picture. It is simply compressing the file size by throwing away pixels that look similar to the ones near them. Try the same and turn file size compression off. You will be surprised how much better the pictures look! Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?" "No, not at all. Sometimes when we play bridge with our neighbors I have to partner with my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Leftover Coffee Here's a couple of tips to make use of leftover coffee. Instead of reusing coffee grounds as some people do, I reuse the leftover coffee itself. It seems that nobody wants to drink the last cup or two in the pot in our house so, instead of throwing it down the sink, I blend it with the fresh pot. I decrease the fresh grounds for the new pot I'm making by a scoop or two and mix the fresh water with the leftover coffee from the previous pot. I've been doing this for years; it hasn't damaged the coffeemaker and I still get compliments for making a good cup of coffee. Leftover coffee can also be used when making iced coffee or a smoothie. Freeze leftover coffee in ice cube trays and use coffee cubes instead of plain ice. Coffee cubes added to gravy or stew gives a lovely color and taste. Believe it or not, coffee makes an awesome after shower hair rinse for dark haired people and it smells great. Source: Years of living on a tight budget. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me." "Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

» Strange stairways





[ view entry ] ( 274 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 610 )
Which spreadsheet is best? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, October 21, 2010
The US Dollar is really taking a beating. I deposited some checks
from US clients at the bak, and got just 91 cents Canadian per 
US Dollar. Ouch! 
Let's hope the November 2 election will restore some hope and 
confidence in the US economy! If this slide continues, it is 
going to be an expensive winter for many of you. Better
stock up, if you can!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know. --- Ambrose Bierce "Ignorance once dispelled is difficult to reestablish." --- Laurence J. Peter Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan "Vegetarians don't live longer, they just look older." --- Socratex
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how- ever, want to thank you for the sausage lasagna recipe."
Ray had just reached his 175th birthday last week. Surrounded by reporters, he was asked, "Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 175?" Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone." A reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something else -- diet, meditation, or *something*. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 175 years!" The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. Then he shrugged. "Hmmm. Maybe you're right."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Beetle for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, A friend was asked to take care of the Sattley Cash Store and Post Office for a week. He invited me to assist. When standing at the counter in the store, one would turn around and help the post office customer. Sattley,Ca is northwest of Truckee,Ca. Take Care Beetle
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Roth, 65, of Ponte Vedra, Florida Driver ran amok JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- A Ponte Vedra Beach man is accused of ramming several cars Saturday night at the Beaches with witnesses saying the driver's vehicle topped speeds of 90 miles per hour. Joel Roth, 65, is charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Roth told investigators following his arrest, "I thought I was God and could do anything in the world. When asked why he rammed all of the vehicles, Roth responded, "I thought I was the smartest guy in the world." Altogether five vehicles were rammed in separate incidents in Jacksonville Beach, Neptune Beach and Jacksonville. Staley Street, who was one of the victims, told police she believed the suspect was trying to kill her. "He came up from nowhere. I looked in my rear view for a split second I saw headlights like they were almost in my trunk. And then we went flying and then we continued to get smashed into over and over again," said Street who was on J. Turner Butler along with a roommate Saturday night. Police reports said at least one person sustained injuries. Roth was arrested in Atlantic Beach after police say he hit three cars on 3rd Street after exiting the expressway.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Millie Re: Which Spreadsheet is best? Dear Webby, There are lots of different spreadsheets available.Which one is best, and still affordable? Millie Dear Millie The best one is the one you are used to. VisiCalc was the first one, and ever since then, companies that copied the concept, have sued each other for copyright infringement. First there was the war between Lotus 123 and Quattro, then Microsoft entered the fray with Excel, and so on. The result was that each company did their own cosmetic changes to look a bit different. In Quattro, for example, to pull in the data from cell B10, you use +B10 In Excel you use =B10 Yeah, little girls tying the ribbon in their hair differently. Excel is in Microsoft Office and about as popular as Outlook Express, because it comes pre-loaded as a trial sample with every Windows machine. Microsoft Office is $279 Quattro is in Corel Office (formerly WordPerfect Office). The newest version of Corel Office is $259 You can usually pick up a previous version of Corel Office on eBay for $15 - $50. The changes between versions are not really worth mentioning. Calc in Open Office is free, and it can pick up files from Excel and from Quattro, and also write them in those formats. Even if a teacher gets a kickback from the local Microsoft vendor and insists on Excel, students can use the free Open Office Calc, and save their homework in Excel format. You can guess what a lot of students are using nowadays! $279 buys an awful lot of beer, ahem I mean school books. The same goes for industry and commerce. They don't switch suddenly, but whenever they need to replace machines, they put Open Office onto the new machines. Europe is leading in that, possibly because they replace machines more frequently, but the same trend is becoming noticeable here too. Then there are the on-line spreadsheets like Google Spreadsheets. They are still a bit basic and slow, but in five years will be quite competitive. For right now, especially since cost seems to be a consideration factor, I would recommend the free Open Office Calc for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Once upon a time,.... Margaret Thatcher and her Cabinet were meeting over lunch to discuss an important bit of impending legislation. "And what will you have, Madam?" asked the waiter, coming over with his notepad. "I'll have the Beef Wellington," replied the Prime Minister promptly, eager to get on with the business at hand. "And, for the vegetables?" continued the waiter politely. Thatcher replied briskly, "They'll have the same."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Mylar Balloons I have a few ideas for the shiny metallic-looking Mylar balloons that would otherwise go to a landfill: more.... (long article) http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said, "Zoo or no zoo, both on top, THAT I gotta see!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man walks into a bar with a duck and a big bisquit tin. He sets the duck on top of the biscuit box on the bar and the duck begins dancing. The barman finds this rather interesting, as do the rest of the patrons in the bar. They all gather around the duck and watch it for a long time. While everyone is watching the duck dance, they buy more drinks from the bar. By the end of the night, the bar is full of people watching this amazing duck, still dancing and letting out an odd quack now and again. The barman realizes that he hasn't had business this good in a long time. Business is so good, in fact, that he offers to buy the duck from the man. The man tells the bartender that he can have the duck for 500 pounds. The barman thinks it is a bit expensive, but agrees to buy the duck anyway. After selling the duck, the man goes home, leaving a crowded pub watching his dancing duck. Later that night, the man gets a telephone call from the barman, who exclaims that the duck is a great success and that he has earned his money back in the amount of drinks he has sold. Then the barman says, "There is one thing, though. How do you get the duck to stop dancing?" And the man says, "Oh, it's simple. Just take the lid of the biscuit box and blow out the candle."

» Earth, Aerial Photos





[ view entry ] ( 267 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 520 )
British Newspapers 

True Reports from British life ........!!!

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year.
It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.

(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear.
When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.

(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description.
It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster.
A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.

(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed.
He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

(Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden.
He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled - 'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''

(Bournemouth Evening Echo)



[ view entry ] ( 1005 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 838 )


No Comment Needed 


[ view entry ] ( 2 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 626 )
What are spreadsheets? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 20, 2010

We had another beautiful fall day, and the wind picked up
quite nicely. For a while I watched the leaves from the hills
to the West of us go by, on their way East towards Ontario.
Most will probably get shredded on the way, and fertilize 
some field somewhere on the prairies. The wind will keep
going, and Ontario can expect an "Alberta Clipper" in about
five days.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


The difference between truth and fiction: fiction has to make sense. ---Mark Twain Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. --- Mark Twain Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel
An English landowner and his Irish manservant ran into each other in hell one day. "My lord," the Irishman exclaimed, "What are you doing here?" The landowner sighed. "I'm here because I lied, cheated, and stole to pay the debts run up by that playboy son of mine. But you were a faithful, loyal servant. Why are you here?" "For fathering that playboy son of yours," the Irishman replied.
Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "More or less, but maybe I got it mixed up a bit," Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!"
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Rare Poinciana tree
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Noemi Duchene, 44 and Luis Del Castillo, 45 in El Paso, Texas Trash bag clad robber tries to hold up jewelry store while getaway wheelchair waits outside Two people are in police custody following an unbelievable attempted jewelry store heist in El Paso, Texas. Security camera footage shows 44-year-old Noemi Duchene and 45-year-old Luis Del Castillo arrive outside of Estate & New Jewelry late Tuesday morning with Del Castillo pushing Duchene in her wheelchair. Duchene then gets out of her chair, covers her head and upper body with a large black trash bag and enters the jewelry store while Del Castillo waits with the chair. Once inside Duchene pulls a kitchen knife and demands "everything". Store owner Linda Bradely decided not to comply and drew a stun gun in response. "We're chasing each other around like keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick." A store customer eventually tackled Duchene and held her until police arrived. Del Castillo was still waiting outside with the wheelchair and was also arrested. Investigators say the pair live in an apartment across the street from the jewelry store.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: Spreadsheet Mystery Dear Webby, What you wrote about spreadsheet tricks is awesome. But at the moment, I don't even know what a spreadsheet is. Can you please start at the beginning, explain what it is and how to use it? Just put five years of college into a couple of paragraphs, like you usually do. Thanks Olga Dear Olga I should have stayed in the paid education system. I'd be eating meat instead of oat meal. Spreadsheets are like graph paper. The horizontal rows are nubered from the top down, the vertical columns have letters from left to right. Each rectangle in the graph paper is called a cell and has an "Address". The top left corner cell is A1. The cell to the right of it is B1. At the right, after Z comes AA, AB, AC and so on. After AZ comes BA, BB, BC, and so on. The cell below A1 is A2, the one below that is A3, and so on. The row numbers and column letters are shown in the margin. You can write text, numbers or formulas into any cell. Lets say you write into A1: Name, into B1: Hours into C1: Wage Then into A2 to A10 write a bunch of names, one per cell. Into C2 to C10 you write the hourly wages of those people. Now comes the fun part! Into D1 write Gross, and into D2 write =+B2*C2 Hit ENTER and then copy C2 and paste it all the way down to C10. The hard part is done. Now simply enter numbers into the B (Hours) column. When you do, their gross wage, before deductions, appears in Column D. Naturally, if you were doing payroll, you would have additional columns for the deductions. This is just to illustrate the concept. Now, below D10 write into D11: ======= and into D12: =SUM(D2:D10) Hit ENTER, and it shows the total sum of all the wages in that column. Now go to the right of that, into E12 amd write: =D12 That shows the same number as in D12 Now imagine you copied that whole effort from A1 to E12, and pasted it 52 times down th sheet for 52 weeks. At the bottom of all that, below the last item in the E column, do a sum of the E column, and it shows you the annual total. If you left a blank row between each week, that sum would be in E574. Go up to the top, and into cell F1 write: =E574 Now, whenever you enter hours anywhere, in any week, the annual total shown in F1 changes. Whenever you do anything in a spreadsheet, it recalculates everything and updates all results. I kept it simple to just show the concept. There is almost no limit to what you can do with a spreadsheet. You could for example use an IF formula. IF the wage is below a certain number, use this tax rate, else use that. Or you could calculate overtime. IF the weekly hours are over 40, then take the hours over 40 and multiply the by 1.5 and add those to 40. Speadsheets are also used to play with text. Here is an actual example from my invoicing spreadsheet: =CONCATENATE("Dear ",K92,"! Thank you for your payment of $",S92," on "&TEXT(R92, "mmmm dd, yyyy")," for Invoice #",O92,". Your account has been updated and your invoice at http://clients.webby.com/inv/",I92," has been marked paid. Thank you for being a valued client!") Instead of K92, the spreadsheet of course shows whatever name is typed in that cell. The same goes for all the other cell references. Spreadsheets are pretty neat magic and are ideal for automating any number or text manipulation. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. Don't care what I say, no matter what silly excuse I will have to try and sleep more, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy whom I kicked off the train in Buffalo!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seasonal Flag Care and Tips I like to display one of the larger decorative banners on the flagpole on my porch for all the seasons, holidays and occasions. They're nylon, nearly indestructible, and can be washed in the washer when they get dusty. But after a season or two (especially the summer ones), they become faded and the vibrant colours aren't as nice. Here are a few idea for dealing with your seasonal banners: http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Virginia was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked. "They talk funny." "Everybody talks in different ways," she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old fellow came into the hospital almost dying due to an infected gallbladder. After what seemed aeons of tests and preparations, the gall bladder surgeon removed the gall bladder without any fuss or problem and had the patient sent up to the post-op ward. The charge nurse there insisted that all patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, even though the head nurse had to raise her mighty voice, once, and keep her stern gaze on him the first three days as two student nurses half carried, half dragged him up and down the hallway. On the fifth day they were able to walk him hangin on to only one nurse, and on the tenth day the nurse noticed that the reason he was hanging on now had not much to do with balance and support any more, especially when walking the trails on the roof garden with Linda After two weeks the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle worker. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and that they had been lucky to get him into the hospital time. "Oh no,doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Our father hasn't walked in over ten years!"

» Coast Ghosts





[ view entry ] ( 1 view )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 655 )
Different scales in a spreadsheet graph 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 19, 2010
We had a beautiful, warm fall day today. There is still some
snow in the shady spots, but it was warm enough for short 
sleeves in the sun. Even now, at 2 am it is only around Zero
(32 F)

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"You can often measure a person by the size of his dream." --- Robert H. Schuller "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." --- John Barrymore I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. --- Galileo Galilei
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up... The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand..." The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!"
At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having once dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "Yes,....I could do it, if you're serious about this. However, just a quick dipping won't do it for you. We'll have to find a deep place to anchor you overnight."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Click through the picture to the large version. Can't do a thing with it until it dries!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Albert Y.M. Huang, 35, San Gabriel, CA Mayor Charged with Assault, Robbery, for Purse-Snatching SAN GABRIEL, Calif. (CBS/AP) A prominent resident of San Gabriel, Calif. in suburban Los Angeles was early arrested Friday after he allegedly snatched a woman's purse and took her for a wild ride, clinging to his sport utility vehicle. That prominent resident is the mayor. San Gabriel police say Mayor Albert Y.M. Huang was booked in jail for investigation of felony assault, felony robbery and misdemeanor battery. Police say the 35-year-old Huang was in a parking lot arguing with the woman about money, when he grabbed her purse and got into his SUV. Investigators say the woman was standing on the running board and reaching through the passenger window when Mayor Huang sped away, reaching speeds of 45 mph for more than a quarter-mile.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: Different scales on spreadsheet graphs Dear Webby, I need to combine temperature, barometric pressure and humidity in one graph, but because the numbers are so totally different, it makes a huge graph with the lines way too far apart. How do I get them all reasonably in the center? Is there a way to adjust the scale of each series with Excel? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen On a few spreadsheets, not Excel, you can adjust the scale, but it is quite a hassle. Here is a better way to accomplish that. Lets say you got the page set for a fixed header. Pick three cells in that some way over to te right of the labeled columns, for example T1,U1,V1. If you want to shift the temperature up by 35, put 35 into T1 and if you want to make the barometric pressure number 15 times smaller, put 15 into V1. Put some resaonably average dummy numbers into the first row (2). Now add a new column after the temperature column, let's say temperature is in column C, and in the top cell below the dummy row (D3), put: =if(C3<>"",C3+$T$1, C2+$T$1) That formula looks to see if you have a temperature listed in C3. If you do, it adds whatever you got in T1. $T$1 ensures, that the formula ALWAYS looks it up at that fixed location, not a location relative to the formula. If there is no temperature in C3, it takes the previous reading from C2. That produces a neat flat line from the last reading to the right end of the graph, instead of nothing. Let's say humidity is in column E, and Pressure in column G Put this formula into H3: =if(G3<>"",G3/$V$1, G2/$V$1) Here the formula takes the pressure reading and divides it by whatever is in V1 Copy and paste the formulas down their respective columns a few hundred rows. Now set the graph to take the generated temperature numbers from column D instead of the raw numer from column C and for the humidity, use the column H. If the lines in the graph are still too far apart, play with the "fudge" numbers in T1, and V1. For a finishing touch, narrow the generated columns D and H and make them black on black, so that you don't accidentally punch readings into them. You COULD drag them way over to the right, out of sight, but usuall narrowing them to one character and making them black on black protects them well enough and makes it easier to understand the process a few years later. Once you get the hang of fudging numbers like that, you can call yourself a climate scientist. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
The town founder had passed away and the whole town turned out, as did his family who arrived from all over the globe. This threw the mortuary into an uproar. They had some employees doing two or three jobs and others switching jobs to get everything done. After the chapel services, all the members of the funeral party piled into the different cars for the drive to the cemetery. The procession was very long, and one group of family members, not knowing their way, wondered how much further it would be and if it was worth lighting up a smoke. The patriarch tapped the driver on the shoulder, and asked "Pardon me....." The driver let out a scream and turned with a grimace of horror to see who had tapped him. In doing so, he drove the car into the ditch and through a small greenhouse, almost overturning it. After calming everyone down, the driver somberly explained, "I'm so sorry for what happened, but you see, I usually drive the hearse."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Lettuce Fresh I buy romaine lettuce when it is on sale, and have found a way to keep it fresh and crisp for up to 4 weeks. Wash your romaine and core it when you get home from the supermarket. Put it in a colander to drain, then take a large plastic container and line it with enough paper towel to keep the lettuce dry. Layer lettuce and paper towel, and put a sheet of paper towel on top. Close the lid tight and this will keep like new for 4 weeks. Open and close as often as you wish. As long as you put the top on tight, you will always have fresh romaine! I discovered this by accident while doing an ahead of time family meal. When my family found out how long it lasted they were very eager to use the tip as well. This works equally as well for any type of grapes. Much less waste and more savings to be had! Source: My own discovery. By Deborah from East Margaree http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Don't get too carried away with the drying! With lettuce, chard, kale, cabbage, even celery, it is the moisture, that keeps them firm and tasty. I do NOT like limp celery or salad, so I sprinkle some water onto the paper towel, toss the wet greens onto it, fold the damp paper towel ove it, stuff it into a zip-lock bag, and zip it after squishing most of the air out. I don't know if it keeps significantly longer than with dry paper towel, but I DO know it stays firm and tasty longer. Have FUN! DearWebby If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

» Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie





[ view entry ] ( 319 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 425 )
Pictures need to be turned on 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, October 18, 2010
We had thick hoar frost yesterday morning, and if it had been 
sunny, I would have run around as fast as the local politicians
on their last day of campaigning, to snap pictures. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie "The Way We Were" twice... voluntarily. --- Rita Rudner Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or doing it better. --- John Updike
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder sometimes," the wife offered, "but never divorce."
Have you heard about the new alcoholic beverage that's on the market now? It's called Bourbon Renewal. After a few drinks your old neighborhood starts to look a lot better.
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Burglars in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin Wis. woman finds stolen dress, solves burglariest CHIPPEWA FALLS, Wis. (AP) - Wisconsin police say a 25-year-old woman's search for her stolen wedding dress helped solve several other burglaries as well. After a storage unit owner called Alena Gadke of Chippewa Falls on Oct. 8 to tell her of some break-ins, Gadke went there and noticed her wedding dress was gone. Police assured her they would find the thieves, but Gadke was impatient. That night she went to Craigslist and found her dress. She says she traded 40 texts and voice messages with the seller, who kept changing the time and location to meet. Gadke alerted police and the next day she met the seller in a Chippewa Falls parking lot, where police arrested the 16-year-old girl. That led police to a 17-year-old boy and a 23-year-old man, who confessed to multiple thefts.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Pictures need individual clicks Dear Webby, Thank you so much for all your expert advice on the computer and also the beautiful pictures and lets not forget the jokes. An over all great letter Now for my question , is there any way to bring the pictures in when I open your newsletter without having to go up to the bar and click on view then click on blocked imagines? You are very knowledged in the computer area. Shirley Dear Shirley That sounds like you are using an email program, that has the default set to hide pictures. You might be able to find that setting in that email program's preferences, if not, ask Uniontel support about how to show the pictures by default. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead donkey in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the Preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the Preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant & rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?" The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always notify the next of kin first, since they get to decide what kind of burial they will pay for!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Children From Arguing I have a tip for children bickering. I have passed this tip along and had reports back at how amazing the results. I used this until my children were grown and now my grandkids get a dose. Have the 2 kids that are bickering, either sit on the couch facing each other or stand facing each other with the tip of their noses touching for a set amount of time (not as long as time out). Who gets the front seat? No problem but they have to sit with their noses touching. My daughter and son both agree that they would refrain from arguing because they did not want to have to stand or sit that way. Most of the time giggling would happen before the time was up and they were friends again. By Notwrong from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He replied, "What?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

» Hoar Frost





[ view entry ] ( 191 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 543 )
Site change warning 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, October 17, 2010
Most of the snow has melted, but it is definitely time to winterize
everything. I even lit the pilot light on the natural gas furnace
today. By the way, did you know that the best lighter for hard 
to reach places is a strand of spaghetti or spaghettini?
Works every time on the first try.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood. --- General George S. Patton
A man and wife were both in an Internet Business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and hesaid "No, not there. Scroll down a little."
A drill sergeant escorted new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Sir!"
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Click through the picture to the large version. Sunset from my office window.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jimmy Honeycutt, 26 and Stephanie McDole, 27 in Pawtucket, RI Robber had checklist of targets in pocket PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) - Police in Rhode Island trying to stop a string of robberies got a big break when they found a key piece of evidence - an alleged robber's checklist of targets. Jimmy Honeycutt and his girlfriend Stephanie McDole were arrested Wednesday after Pawtucket police found torn pages from a phone book in Honeycutt's pocket. Asterisks were marked next to some of the businesses that were robbed this month. Detectives pulled over the pair because their car matched the description of a vehicle wanted in connection with a robbery at an Attleboro Getty gas station. Twenty-six-year-old Honeycutt is charged with five counts of first-degree robbery. Twenty-seven-year-old McDole is charged with two counts of first-degree robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: Site change warning Dear Webby, I don't have a big problem, just an irritating one. I keep getting pop ups that say, Security Warning. The current web page is trying to open a site............ Can you, please help me get rid of them. I have McAfee-Spybot, and am on a sat. dish. Thanks Bev Dear Bev There is a good reason for that warning. Well, sometimes. If you are on a legitimate site, like at a bank or PayPal or store, or even on my site, then the warning is just showing you that the browser is paying attention and looking out for you. At other times, though, that warning can stop you just in time before getting trapped on a malicious site. I agree, that alert can be a nuisance, but nowadays browsing is not safe enough without it. Just like child seats in cars or hardhats on a construction site are a nuisance most of the time, but every now and then, they save somebody. There ARE ways to disable that warning, but I don't recommend that. Nowadays it is better to just get used to the nuisance, and be safe. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Several months after a young man is hired, he is called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asks. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination, and since it was your accounting department who found out, and not my supervisor, I would say that was good enough."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Children From Arguing I have a tip for children bickering. I have passed this tip along and had reports back at how amazing the results. I used this until my children were grown and now my grandkids get a dose. Have the 2 kids that are bickering, either sit on the couch facing each other or stand facing each other with the tip of their noses touching for a set amount of time (not as long as time out). Who gets the front seat? No problem but they have to sit with their noses touching. My daughter and son both agree that they would refrain from arguing because they did not want to have to stand or sit that way. Most of the time giggling would happen before the time was up and they were friends again. By Notwrong from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bob for this story: A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to a veterinary clinic for inoculations. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."

» Spicy Seasonings





[ view entry ] ( 148 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 424 )

<<First <Back | 101 | 102 | 103 | 104 | 105 | 106 | 107 | 108 | 109 | 110 | Next> Last>>