How Cold Was It? 

It was so cold . . .
we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!

It was so cold...
hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

It was so cold...
roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

It was so cold . . .
when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!

It was so cold . . .
the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!

It was so cold . . .
kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"

It was so cold . . .
the travel agency was advertising tropical vacations in Igloolik!

It was so cold . . .
pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!

It was so cold . . .
the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

It was so cold . . .
I chipped a tooth on my soup!

It was so cold . . .
Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs were wearing cats!

It was so cold . . .
Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!

It was so cold . . .
Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!

It was so cold . . .
the rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.

It was so cold . . .
we had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

It was so cold . . .
we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!

It was so cold...
kids stopped worrying about acne. The new problem - goosepimples!

It was so cold . . .
when we milked the cows, we got ice cream!
When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold . . .
words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!

It was so cold . . .
Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.

It was so cold . . .
we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!

It was so cold . . .
the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! Then...

It was so cold . . .
when we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!



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How to grab individual PPS pictrues 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 30

In case you noticed, that I didn't send a Humor Letter for 
Tuesday, it's because some very cute nurses at Foothills
Hospital kidnapped me and tied me down with a whole bunch
of EKG wires, and flirted at me all evening and night.

Actualy, when the docs did an angioplasty, they saw that one
of the stents, that they had installed in March, had collapsed,
and since I was already hooked up, they decided that needed
fixing. I figured, that would happen immediately, but apparently
the fixer is a specialist, and the ones, who were doing the 
angiogram, are not. So I spent a few hours waiting for a pair
of busy specialists to have time. 

Once they showed up, one with me for the bloody stuff, and
one at the starwars console behind the thick lead glass, it went 
fairly fast. 

They do it without narcotics, since healing is much faster 
that way, and every now and then they ask for feedback.
It is quite an interesting procedure, but not something I 
want done too often. Supposedly it is all fixed now,
and as long as I do a lot of walking in fresh air, it should be 
OK from now on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. ---- H. L. Mencken
A little boy returning home from school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced a football team enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with the man. The next day she became his stepmother. (Men will never learn)
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City 'Fighting 'what redneck people do' PALM CITY, Fla., Nov. 28 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a man arrested for allegedly brawling with his son told officers he shouldn't be arrested because "fighting is what redneck people do." The Martin County Sheriff's Office said Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City was arrested Nov. 20 on charges, including aggravated domestic assault with a firearm and domestic battery, TCPalm.com reported Monday. Investigators said Wach's 18-year-old son told deputies he confronted his father about 45 minutes before deputies arrived because the older man was intoxicated and shooting his pistol at the son's lawn mower in the yard of the 18-year-old's home, TCPalm.com said. The son said he took the handgun from Wach, who left but came back a short time later with a shotgun he allegedly pointed at the younger man. The two men fought until a passing deputy noticed the altercation, investigators said. Wach allegedly refused to comply with the deputy's demands that he stop fighting and he was shocked three times with a stun gun before being taken into custody. Deputies said Wach did not understand why he was being arrested. "He then stated that he shoots in the yard all the time and that fighting is what redneck people do," the arrest report states.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Grab individual PPS pictures Dear Webby, Do you know if there is a way to remove individual pictures from a powerpoint presentation? I get these from friends all the time, but sometimes there's only one picture I want to keep out of the bunch. Thanks Steve Dear Steve Just download and install Open Office. It includes Impress, and with that you can view a PPS file in editing mode, strip the sappy comments some people slobber over the pictrues, and copy individual pictures. You can even delete unsuitable pictures from a PPS or replace them with better ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Funnel as a String Dispenser For a handy way to have string at your fingertips, try this. Hang a cheap funnel as a dispenser, with the roll of twine or string in the top and the end running down through the spout. This is nice for a kitchen, basement, garage shop, or garden. Just keep a small knife handy to cut the twine or string. This will also keep you from having tangles and knots in the string or twine. It might even work for yarn for knitting or crocheting. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ For yarn and wool use a tobacco or coffee tin with a screw-top lid, and punchor melt a smooth hole into the bottom. The can will keep dust off your yarn or wool, and can be stacked when not in use.. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to walk."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

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Problems with wide monitors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 28

Thank you, Sig!
By the time you read this, I'll be on the road to Calgary, 
for an angiogram, or already there.

Sunday was not a good day at all. I didn't get to end
Saturday until 7am on Sunday.
When I returned to the net around 10, there was a wicked
storm going on and frequent powwer failures. I saw a car 
getting passed by an eavestrough, and speeding up rather 
suddenly.

I should have gone back to bed, but with daylight and lots 
of work to do, that simply did not occur to me at the time.
Finally I had to, because the power went out for good, not
just brief interruptions.

When the power came back and stayed on for ten minutes,
I booted up the main machine again, well, I tried to.

UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME
That sure is a horrible feeling!

Sent a message to Jerome in Texas, but considering it was
Sunday, didn't expect an instant reply.

When he did reply in the evening, we tried a few things, but
came to the conclusion,that I should fedEx the drive to him,
since anything I tried, would most likely make things worse.
Earliest I can can do that is Tuesday.

Hope you had a LOT more fun than me this this weekend!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." ---- John Wooden
A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a police officer approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk." "Naturally, I had to assume you had stolen the car."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Theodore Benner, 20, of Chalfont, Pa. Police Nab Daycare Bunny Thief Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a 20-year-old student accused of stealing a rabbit from a daycare facility inside a church. Appleton police said Lawrence University student Theodore Benner of Chalfont, Pa., allegedly broke into the Memorial Presbyterian Church about two blocks from campus Nov. 13 and stole the rabbit, named Twinkle, from a room used for daycare during the week, WLUK-TV, Green Bay, Wis., reported Thursday. Police said officers responded to a medical call in Brenner's dorm four days after the burglary and an officer recognized a caged rabbit in Brenner's room as matching the description of the missing bunny. Sgt. Pat DeWall said the rabbit was returned to the daycare facility and Brenner was arrested on charges of burglary and possession of marijuana. He was released after posting a $2,500 cash bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Wide Monitor Dear Webby, My wife told me tht you had written, that wide monitors are @#$%&! and a waste of money. The dealer tol us that they are a better deal, since they add extra space on the side. What's the truth now? Mark Dear Mark Go to that dealer and use one of their display machines to bring up MapQuest, and get it to show directions from home to work, or some other route, that you have seen on MapQuest. You will find that the top third has been sawed off. If you shrink the map to see as much of the route, as you are used to seeing, the writing is too small to read. The same goes for spreadsheets. The top third or bottom third is sawed off. Sure, you COULD get used to the sawed off configuration, but why bother, when 4:3 monitors, square monitors and even 3:4 (tall) monitors are for sale, if you look around a bit. . Have FUN! DearWebby
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FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy drops off significantly after age 25. Bubba's OPINION: If English was good enough for King James and Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency. If you are unable to hear this announcement, please call Bev at the front desk." Everybody called to tell her that they did not hear the announcement.

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email links to PHP pages 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 27

Thank you, Sig!

The echocardiogram on Thursday seems to have been OK.
I would imagine, that if it wasn't, somebody would tell me.
The technician, who performed it, seemed cute enough, 
but had absolutely no sense of humor.

Tomorrow I have to drive into Calgary, an hour and a half 
away, for an angiogram, and be there at 06:30. Mine is just
a check-up, and people, who have heart attacks tomorrow
and need urgent operations, have priority, but they figure
I should be out of there by 9 PM, when they go home. 
Hopefully it will be earlier than that!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

By the way, there is nothing I can do about the voting at 
the Ezinefinder. They are totally independent and not on
any of our servers. They seem to be running again now.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

A woman answers her front door and sees a little boy holding a list. "Lady," he explains, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replies. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?" "My babysitter's boyfriend."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Denarrio Lyndrell Reed, 19 in Ridgeland, MS lora man charged in Ridgeland crime spree Authorities said a Flora man led Ridgeland police on a wild chase Saturday night, causing several accidents and ending in a brawl in the street. Ridgeland Lt. John Neal said around 5:30 p.m. Saturday, Ridgeland Police Department received a call of an accident on Lake Harbor Drive by the Wendover Subdivision. Neal said Denarrio Reed, 19, was westbound on Lake Harbor when he came up on some traffic and ran off in a ditch. When a good Samaritan got out of his white Chevy Trailblazer, Reed stole the SUV and proceeded up Lake Harbor toward U.S. 51. As Reed fled through Pear Orchard, he caused several small accidents, including one with minor injuries, Neal said. When he got to Wolcott Circle, he ran into the back of a vehicle and got out of the Trailblazer. At that point, he tried to pull a woman out of a car she was occupying with her elderly parents, and when she wouldn’t get out of the car, he ran off on foot, according to authorities. Finally, when Reed attempted to pull an elderly man out of his car, police were able to surround him and a scuffle ensued, Neal said. Reed is charged with one count of motor vehicle theft, two counts of unarmed carjacking, leaving the scene of an accident with minor injuries, resisting arrest, simple assault on a female victim, simple assault on a police officer, and false identification. But the strangest part is that police can’t seem to figure out a motive, Neal said. “We’re not sure why he ran to begin with,” he said. “All these officers were going to these calls, starting with the first call of the auto theft, and everyone’s thinking it all broke loose, but it was just one guy causing all the havoc.” Before the incident, Reed did not have any pending charges, Neal said, though he was in the system once for disorderly conduct. Police did recover a pacifier that witnesses said Reed had been sucking on, and it has been sent to the crime lab for analysis.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mac Re: PHP links Dear Webby, I almost clicked on a link in an email, that supposedly was from my silly sister, when my hubby stopped me. The email had just a link, which is not typical for my sister. Usually she types like she talkes, which is a lot. When we looked at the source, I saw that the link actually went to some site with PHP in the URL. My hubby told me to NEVER EVER go to a site with PHP, EXE, ZIP or anything like that. Are all tose extensions really that dangerous? Thanks Mac Dear Mac If you don't know the site really well, don't go there if you spot those extensions. Legitimate sites may use those extensions, but not at the main entrance. They make their entrance a regular HTML page, and will explain that the download or update has one of THOSE extensions. Unless you get warned first, ALWAYS refuse anything with those extensions. As you noticed, the scammer does not motor-mouth at you like your sister does, he just forged her address as the sender address. Especially when the address is a yahoo address, it is probably forged anyway and requires an extra measure of careful paranoia. . Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike was explaining to Judi about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and interrupted: "Oh my God, did you get out ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Feather Duster To clean a feather duster, place it in a paper or plastic bag and then add a box of cornstarch. Hold it tightly, so it's securely closed and then shake vigorously for 15-30 seconds, preferably outside. Remove and shake out all cornstarch. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

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Obamanomics 

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.



These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work and sit around protesting because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?
Neither could I.




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Crap Cleaner and FireFox 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 26

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

By the way, there is nothing I can do about the voting at 
the Ezinefinder. They are totally independent and not on
any of our servers.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy, May 1990 "I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately." --- Mark Twain
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him: "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and he said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, I think you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Bobby," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52 of Manchester, England Feeling fuel-ish? Thieves steal booze but forget to fill up getaway car Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52, were caught on CCTV wheeling the alcohol out of Asda. But they came unstuck when their blue Citroen ran out of fuel and they were forced to push it to the store’s petrol station. They then paid to fill up before driving off – unaware the whole fiasco had been caught on camera. Devlin and Egan, both from north Manchester, admitted theft at Manchester magistrates’ court. The pair struck at the store in Oldham on June 6. One of the women distracted a security guard while the other pushed the trolley into the car park, the court was told. The haul was so big Devlin struggled to shut the boot. She then jumped behind the wheel only to realise there was no petrol in the tank. Egan then helped push the vehicle. Actually, it was the soft suspension of the Citroen, that tilted under the huge load of booze, and shifted the fuel in the tank away from the fuel filter. The images were added to a police intelligence bank and when the women tried to repeat the stunt on October 1 at Asda in Hulme they were arrested and linked by the footage to the earlier crime. The court heard the couple had been motivated by ‘financial gain’ after their benefits were cut. Egan was given a conditional discharge for two years and ordered to pay £280 compensation and £85 costs. Devlin, who has a previous conviction for theft, was committed to Manchester crown court for sentencing on December 13.
Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: CrapCleaner and FireFox Dear Webby, Can a person use Crap Cleaner along with Firefox? Love all your hints. You really know your computer. Love your newsletter. Have a wonderful day. Shirley Dear Shirley Yes, sure! CrapCleaner works on the system, and does not care which browser you use. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was nearly winter and the lakehad just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send a dollar ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Storage By Going Up When you don't have a lot of space, try going up instead of around the room. A stacked washer and dryer is a good example. Floor to ceiling gives you lots of storage for anything. Try stacking pieces of furniture for more space. By MelindaR. from Jessieville, AR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my trailer and my boat on it and the beer in it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

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Too many files in Documents and Settings 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 25
Time to wear a bit of red to 
show your support for the troops!


Had to drive to Calgary for an echocardiogram. Even though
that was 80 miles further north, I started out on 4 inches of
fresh snow, which diminished to just wet roads the further 
north I went, and reversed coming back home.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

With donkeys, philosophers and politicians it is sometimes difficult to tell whether they are thinking really deep thoughts, or whether they have bottomed out. --- Socratex
One workman asks another, "How long have you been working here?" The other one replies, "Since they threatened to fire me."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

This preacher was looking for a good used snow blower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. "This blower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the blower home and when he got ready to blow some snow, he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to cuss at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!" "Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevor Jones, 34, in Norcross, GA Burglar left himself logged into Facebook NORCROSS, Ga., Nov. 22 (UPI) -- Police in Georgia said they are searching for a burglary suspect who allegedly left himself logged into Facebook on his victim's computer. Gwinnett County police allege Trevor Jones, 34, left his car running in the driveway of a home he burglarized near Norcross Nov. 15, and homeowner Stephanie White returned while he was still inside and took his keys and wallet, which contained his identification, from his vehicle, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Tuesday. Stephanie White drove to the end of the street and saw Jones flee with items from her home, police said. Investigators allege Jones broke into a second home in the neighborhood later in the day and left himself logged into Facebook on the victim's computer. White's digital camera was discovered in the second victim's home, police said. Jones, who was on parole for a previous burglary charge, is being sought on charges of burglary, criminal trespassing and parole violation, and is expected to be in custody soon.
Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Files in Documents and Settings Dear Webby I would like to know if it is all right to clean out some of the older files in my "Recent Documents", under "Documents and Settings". I know that they are there for a reason but do I need so many and such old ones? There are files still there that I deleted over a year ago. Thank you for your Humor News letter, I read it every day, You always give me a laugh or a groan or two, Joyce Dear Joyce If those files are documents that your created or received, then they are quite safe to delete. Make sure you have the file extensions visible, and if in doubt about a file, briefly view it before deleting it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in algebra, geometry,and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Seeds in Egg Carton When you buy your eggs, some of the containers, like Eggland's Best, are clear plastic containers. Buy those and save them for starting seeds. They have a clear plastic cover that covers where the eggs sit. Just fill those spaces with dirt, drop in a few seeds, cover with the plastic cover, and you have little miniature greenhouses! By gypsygina from Oklahoma City, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so: "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

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Not enough free memory for pictures in email 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 24

Thank You, Robert and Loretta!

Happy Thanksgiving Day, if you are in the US!

Here the Chinook stopped, the wind direction changed,
and it started snowing like crazy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton "My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working." --- Fred Marcum
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice. My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class broke into groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Here is an old bonehead award that is too good to be forgotten: The award goes to the head of women's studies at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, Dr. Kathleen Dixon When Richard Zeller, a professor of sociology, retired after being barred from teaching a course on political correctness, Dr. Dixon explained the school's position: ''We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech.''
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Oneal Ron Morris, 30 Thanks to Helen for alerting me to this one: Flat Fixed The transgender Florida woman arrested yesterday for giving illegal buttocks injections--using a mixture of cement, super glue, mineral oil, and “Fix-a-Flat” sealant--appears to have tasted her own product. Charged with practicing medicine without a license, Oneal Ron Morris, 30, posed for the above full-body booking photos, which seem to show her rear has been artificially enhanced (is there a better way to advertise your services?). Morris was nabbed in connection with her treatment earlier this year of a client who was subsequently hospitalized due to the enhancement procedure . Morris is jailed in lieu of $7500 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: Pictures in email not showing Dear Webby I lost all my mail when Outlook crashed last year, so I have been using Eudora. It doesn't crash, ever, but two three weeks after rebooting, it stops showing pictures. A reboot fixes that, but that is a nuisance. Is there a way around that? Erin Dear Erin That is a sign, that your available RAM is getting less than necessary, to run Windows. Eudora isn't the program, that uses up all the RAM, it just suffers from the shortage. It's Windows and browsers, that use a lot of RAM, and are sloppy about returning it to the pool, when they don't need it any more. Just run Crap Cleaner, and clean up that mess. 90% of the time, that is all you have to do. After that, the machine will run faster, and pictures will show in your email again. CrapCleaner is free, andyou can download it from my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools . Step through the options in Crap Cleaner. Some of the defaults might not be the way you like them. For example, take the checmark off the Cookies, if you want it to leave your bank cookies alone. Just step through all the options and set them the way you like them. It willremember your preferences for next time. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The boss of a major manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting one day, that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning, he went to a local sign shop, bought a small sign that read, "I am the Boss!" and taped it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that read, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Craft Projects in Zippered Bags Save the zippered bags that linens and drapes come in to keep knitting and crocheted projects in that are in various stages of completion. It is easy to see the contents of the bag, unlike a box or other container. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did, sir." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap- ped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't lay a brick to save his life!"

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Email address for business purposes 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 23

Received an interesting email from Lillemor.
Apparently Social Scientists had been puzzling over the
reason, why there was absolutley no looting and mayhem
in Japan after the earthquake and tsunami.
They finally figured it out. There is no entitlement class
in Japan. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them." --- P. J. O'Rourke "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" --- Abraham Lincoln Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help her God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." Yes, I know you quite well." "The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him. " "The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail, and I will personally throw the key into the river."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Olivia Ornelas, 18 Drunk Blames DUI Crash On "Twilight" Snub Early Saturday morning, a deputy with the Kendall County Sheriff’s Office spotted the 18-year-old Illinois woman’s car in a ditch off Route 71. “Upon further investigation,” the cop determined that Ornelas “was driving with no right front tire and was extremely intoxicated.” According to a sheriff’s report, Ornelas offered an excuse, of sorts, for her erratic behavior: “Ornelas advised that she was extremely upset with her boyfriend because she did not see the movie Twilight like they were suppose too.” Ornelas’s excuse did not fly with cops, who charged her with DUI and unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor. Just being stupid does not entitle her to break the law. Ornelas was released from custody Saturday after posting $300 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: How important is a specific email address Dear Webby The instructor at the business course, that I am taking in the evening, told me to either get rid of my yahoo address, or consider myself kicked out of the course. I am used to my yahoo address and know how to handle it, plus all my friends have it in their address books. I don't see why I should change it. Do you? Amanda Dear Amanda Do you want to gossip with your friends, who never buy anything from you, or do you want to run a business? You can keep your gossip address on the side, but never use it for business purposes. Look at yourself! Would YOU buy anything from somebody, who just has a Yahoo or AOL address, and hides their real identity? Of course not. The same goes for everybody else. If you are just a silly yahoo, who hides her identity, then you can't be trusted. Get yourself a domain name. They are only $10 per year, if you know a good registrar like me, and put up at least a tiny business card site. A small site like that is about $4.50 a month, and I will even write your first pages for you, if you can email me the information, you want on it. Once you have your business name and your address up there, like a real and legitimate business, THEN people can trust you. I agree with your instructor. Make up your mind, whether you want to be a silly yahoo gossiping a bit, or whether you want to go into business. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Every policeman will swear this actually happened to someone in their precinct. When police recruits get out of school, they are partnered with a training officer. They must remember street names, so that they'll be able to call in their location at all times. As they are driving along the training officer suddenly stops and yells, "Bang, bang, I'm dead." His new recruit is a real jam, because he's lost track of their location. So, he says, "Bang, bang, I'm dead, too." Doesn't work, he still gets points off for that night's work.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags in Place When I buy trash bags that don't like to stay in place, I simply measure off a length of elastic, sew it together and fit it over the trash can. When the bag is put into the can we simply pull the elastic over the edges and this keeps it from moving. We never take the elastic off, (except to clean it) we simply push it down a little, lift out the bag, and replace it. By Gem from VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposals a number of times. He began what can only be called a "Campaigning" and sent her a small token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the FedEx man.

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Is Mapquest broken? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 22

Happy 85th birthday, Sir Squirrel!

Finally got some wind from the West!
Snow and leaves are headed across the prairies now.
Get the snow shovels ready, Toronto and Chicago!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

Admitting you're wrong is a modest way of showing you've grown a litter wiser. --- Socratex "A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no brain." --- Robert Heinlein
Thanks to Joann for this one: During my training as a medical-group receptionist, I was told never to recommend one of our doctors over another, but simply state who had available appointments. One day a woman came in and looked at me conspiratorially. "I'm a nurse," she whispered, "and I know the staff always knows which doctors are good and which aren't. Who do you think I should see?" Knowing my supervisor was listening close by, I tried to sound most professional. "Oh, I'm sorry," I replied. "I can't recommend any of our doctors." "Well, you must know!" she said, heading for the door.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michelle Watson, 24, in Prescott, AZ Winner of free room and board for the winter at the Yavapai County Jail After Kneeing Cop In Groin, Arizona Drunk Driver Poses For Beatific Booking Pic The 24-year-old motorist had an eventful Thursday evening, according to cops in Prescott, Arizona. The intoxicated Watson, driving a Honda Civic, allegedly: * Hit “numerous curbs” and drove on the sidewalk * Said, “I don’t have to walk fucking anywhere” when approached by a cop * Shoved an officer after declining to take field sobriety tests * Had to be taken to the ground while scuffling with a cop * Kneed a second officer in the crotch while being handcuffed * Repeatedly cursed at police * Kicked the inside of a squad car Despite all this, Watson was beaming and flashing two thumbs up when she posed for the above booking photo at the Yavapai County Jail (her blood alcohol content was measured at nearly three times the legal limit). As detailed in a Prescott Police Department report, Watson was charged with aggravated assault on a cop, resisting arrest, and “DUI-super extreme.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Dora Re: Is Mapquest broken? Dear Webby Is Mapquest broken? Lately it happened more and more often, that Mapquest could not find addresses. Sometimes it refuses to find a NW street and instead insists on going to a SW street in the same town. And similar screw-ups. How do you get around that? Dora Dear Dora Yes, MapQuest is indeed getting rather flakey. These days http://bing.com/maps usually works better. Typical Microsoft, the controls are just a bit different, but it's not too difficult to get used to them. Aerial maps are OK for major cities, but rather pathetic for rural areas. For the bird eye view you may have to go back to MapQuest orGoogle Earth. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Girlfriend: Two of the best things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. Boyfriend: Oh? And which is this?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Grounds to Deodorize Refrigerator Odors in the fridge or freezer will be gone overnight if you place a dish of used coffee grounds in a bowl and place it in the center of the refrigerator/freezer. It works better then baking soda! By DCW816 from Hampton, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy was talking to her girlfriend....."My psychiatrist told me yesterday that the way to achieve true inner peace is to always finish what I start. I think I'm getting the hang of it-- So far today I've finished a bag of cheetos, a six-pack of beer, and the chocolate cake I baked for my mother's birthday party tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and minivans, which has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy. One day as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"

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The Power Of Mathematics 

MOVIE TEST:

Be honest and don't look at the movie list below till you have done the math.

Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite.

This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you would enjoy the most.

It really works!




Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.




Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Now, ain't that something...?




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Menu for many links 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 21

Another Gullible Whining Myth shot to hell.
The supposedly vanished caribou are doing just fine at their
alternate calfing grounds, just like the natives have been 
saying all along. 

The clueless fear mongers and grant recipients apparently 
don't understand that a lot of things in Mother Nature operate 
with a lag. Caribou keep going back to their cafing grounds 
for a number of years, but because in the high North their 
droppings don't compost very quickly, the ground gets a bit 
over saturated with organic fertilizer, and gets rater smelly.

So they go to a different area for calfing. No big deal,
when that one gets too crappy in 30 years or so, they may
come back to a previous one, or find some brand new one. 
The Arctic is plenty big enough.

By the way, Caribou don't mind oil exploration at all. 
They themselves are oil experts too and seek oil puddles
to roll in for bug protection. They have been doing that 
for thousands of years.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. Your date willl look a lot better to you. --- Socratex Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage. --- Socratex
A four year old kid ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know." "I know," said the child, wise beyond his years, "but there must be 'leventy-seven mothers in the store. Your are the only Marian mother!"
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. A friend was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these door you can fit through!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Pamela D. Copes, 33, of Albany, NY Stolen car driven to court COLONIE -- In need of a ride to court, an Albany woman and two friends allegedly stole a car. Colonie police received a call at 5:14 p.m. Wednesday from officers in Albany. A stolen car with an OnStar global positioning system indicated that the car was in Colonie at 243 Wolf Road. A short time later, it had been moved to 312 Wolf Road, the address of the town's Public Safety Center. Police found the car in THEIR parking lot and arrested three suspects. One of those arrested, Pamela D. Copes, 33, of Albany, had a court appearance in Colonie Justice Court for two previous arrests. The car is a white 2007 Chevrolet Impala four-door sedan valued at $12,325. The car was reported stolen from 427 Second Ave., Albany, at 6:52 a.m. Wednesday. Copes is charged with criminal possession of stolen property in the third degree, a felony. Copes was in court answering charges from an incident on March 28 that includes unlawfully fleeing a police officer in the third degree, reckless driving and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle in the third degree, all misdemeanors. She also was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, a violation. Copes also faced charges filed Feb. 19 of petit larceny and endangering the welfare of a child, both misdemeanors. The other two charged in the stolen car case are Michael Oglesby, 45, of Albany and Andrea M. Dixon, 44, of Colonie. Both face a misdemeanor count of third-degree unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. All three were arraigned in Colonie Town Court. Oglesby was sent to Albany County jail without bail; Copes was sent to the same jail in lieu of $2,500 bail, and Dixon was released on an appearance ticket.
Tech Support Pits: From: Melissa Re: More than one HOME link Dear Webby I have to check a bunch of sites every morning, and need something as quick as the HOME button on the browser. I know, I can add a few links below the address bar, but I need a lot more than that. Also, I need that list of sites available on more than one machine, at different locations. What solution do you recommend? Thanks Melissa Dear Melissa Just make a simple web page. For $2 a month you can get a subdomain, for example http://melissa.dawna.com Once you have a site, you can do anything. Just make a simple menu page like you see at http://showbird.com That's just a domain I want to sell, but I doubt, that anybody can afford it before the next election. So I am just using it to hold links to interesting bird and plane sites. HTML is as easy as falling into bed. To make a link like the ones you see there, for example to the Aircraft Ballet at Night at http://tinyurl.com/airnight you type: (without the dot after the "<" ) <.a href="http://tinyurl.com/airnight">Aircraft Ballet At Night<./a> The result, once you have remembered to delete the periods, looks like this in any browser: Aircraft Ballet At Night Simple enough? Dragging your page up to your $2 domain is as easy as dragging it to a different folder. Adding extra text to or after the links is simple. You just type it. <.BR> makes a line break. All of HTML is just as simple as that. And if you have anything really tricky to do, ask. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on the college notice board at the beginning of each semester. One read: "Introduction to Psychology, $8, never used." The card was signed, "Must sell." The next day a note had been added: "Good price. Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed, "Prospective buyer." Below in a different hand was: "Positive!" Signed, "Professor who graded his exam."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Here is a good ol classic! Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
R E S U M E B O O - B O O S "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "I am a rabid typist." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

» Scentual Assault


2011 STOL competition Best total takeoff and landing distance was a mere 78 feet. That’s 43 feet for the takeoff and 35 feet for the landing.





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My Kind Of Yard Sale 

A man was out taking a walk, when he came upon a beautiful, large house in a classy neighborhood.

Suddenly, he was shocked to see a nude couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple behind some bushes near the house, and another couple behind a tree.

He walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. When an attractive, well dressed woman answered the door, he asked what kind of place this was.

"This is a bordello," the Madam replied.

"Well then, what's all this out on the lawn?" he asked.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today!" she explained.



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FireFox crashes fixed 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 20

It was -20 and we had a very nasty wind from the East. So,
since I got a check for $20 for the banner ads, so I decided 
to do my daily walk inside at Costco and get some groceries.
I sure do like the way they have their sample stations set up 
about every 1/8 to 1/4 mile. It's not the fastest way to shop,
but sure is fun!

Afterwards I was treated to an orange sun just above the 
horizon, flanked by beautiful sun dogs and topped by a tall
lance. You only get that, when it's really cold and there 
are lots of long ice crystals in the air. 

This is how sun dogs look like. Sometimes they have more
of a rainbow effect to them.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Chance only favors a prepared mind" --- Louis Pasteur People try to rain on your parade, because they have no parade of their own. --- Jeffrey Gitomer
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I kicked the TV and broke my leg."
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what he should do next. His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was a complete disaster." His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?" And the young man said, "Oh, she came over, but she can't cook either."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Marlene Annette Culver, 28 in Gainesville, FL Incomplete 911 call leads to arrest on drug, weapons charges Alachua County sheriff’s deputies who were responding to an incomplete 911 call Sunday reported finding more than 1 pound of marijuana and two guns in the caller’s home. Marlene Annette Culver, 28, was arrested on charges that included possessing marijuana with the intent to sell and possessing an altered firearm. In addition to the marijuana, sheriff’s deputies reported finding a 9mm Ruger handgun, a 9mm Luger “Tec-9” with an altered serial number, a digital scale, an electronic bill counter, a grinder and baggies in Culver’s home. Deputies responded to her Northwest 55th Terrace home at around 9 p.m. A female caller to 911 provided the address of the home and said she had been hit in the face by her boyfriend. She then disconnected, and called back to say that everything was OK but refused to stay on the line, the Sheriff’s Office reported. Culver met arriving deputies in the yard, saying she was not the caller or the homeowner but that everything was OK and deputies could leave. She attempted to interfere with the sweep by actively resisting and was taken into custody, the Sheriff’s Office reported. She later acknowledged she was the homeowner and that there had been an argument with family members that had resulted in her dialing 911, the Sheriff’s Office reported. Culver, who was convicted in 2009 of possessing more than 20 grams of marijuana, was arrested and booked into the Alachua County jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: JJS Re: FireFox Crashes Dear JJS How is your FireFox battle coming along? Are you using RoboForm? I just came across this: You need the latest version of Roboform (7.6.2 or newer) from http://www.roboform.com/download Using an older version may cause Firefox 8 to crash on startup. Have FUN! Hello Webby. I followed the instructions on your last E mail ,got to a folder with all error messages sent and the somehow got to a live chat room for firefox help but no one was on line at the time. So gave it up for a while. Then, received your latest E mail ( below) that I am replying to now. Yes , I do use RoboForm that I learned about from your news letters and am very pleased with it. ( the free version) The version I had installed was 7.5.5 . I upgraded to the latest ,7.6.3 .and guess what ? You hit it right on the head. Firefox came up and is working perfectly. I did not even have to uninstall and reinstall. You sure do have your stuff together and I do appreciate your help. Please feel free to use this E mail in your news letter and edit it as you see fit if you want to . JJS
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On a vacation in Texas Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything really IS bigger in Texas!" As he lifted the burger off the plate, his eyes met the cold stare of the 300-pound waitress and the 5 gallon water pitcher she carried..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scuffs on Linoleum Floors Clean rubber heel marks from kitchen linoleum with a moist cloth dabbed in floor wax. The marks come up and don't leave a dull spot. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction. "$85 for an extraction sir" was the dentist's reply. "Och, huv ye no' got anything cheaper? ! " replies the Scotsman, getting agitated. "But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir", said the dentist. "What about if you didnae use any anaesthetic? ", asked the Scotsman hopefully. "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70", said the dentist. "Hmmmm, what about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still without anaesthetic? " said the Scotsman, "Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism and it'll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40", said the dentist. "Och that's still a bit much, how about if you make it a training session and have your student do the extraction and the other students watching and learning? " said the Scotsman hopefully. "Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case", said the dentist. "Wonderful, it's a deal! " said the Scotsman. . . "Can you book the wife in for next Tuesday?

» Silky Sharks







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Stupid 



I wouldn't say he's stupid, but..

- He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.

- He has an intellect that is rivaled only by eggplants.

- We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every morning.

- He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.

- He sure makes my dog look smart!

- He studied all weekend for a urine test.

- He can't convert 0 feet to meters.

- He was supposed to try out for a part in 'Dumb and Dumber' but forgot to show up.

- He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really will cause hair to grow!!

- When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she was.

- But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.

- He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Shit, I'm bricked in!"

- He stole a free cookie!

- He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number twice!

- It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".

- After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

- He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.

- When his mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the butter outdoors!

- I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.

- When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.

- When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the line.

- But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.

- He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.

- If he had one more IQ he'd be a potted plant.

- He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for indecent exposure.

- Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God, asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.

- He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

- He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock.



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Which font is best for the browser? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 19

Remember that yellow mystery tree a coupleof months ago,
tht nobody could identify?

Sandie did. It is a "Kibra Hacha".
In case you forgot about it, here is the picture again:


Click through the picture for the large version.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Nobody is perfect unless you are in love with them. Nobody is totally imperfect, unless you used to be in love with them --- Socratex
A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. "What's in that box?" a neighbor asks. "A cat," the woman says. "What for?" "I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her neighbor says. The woman turns to her friend and whispers, "So is the cat. I couldn't afford thecat foodand the vet bills for a real one."
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. My son was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these door you can fit through!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Ibis. Maybe something disturbed the ants and they spotted them?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jeffrey Scott, 32, (The "black eye" is mascara, that she applied pre-arrest, just in case the cops didn't hurt real good.) Occupier burglared furniture The 32-year-old “Occupy Pensacola” protester was arrested yesterday on felony burglary and larceny charges for robbing a neighbor’s home of furniture, that he used at the protest group’s encampment outside City Hall. Scott was nabbed shortly after victim Ned English called police to report the theft of a couch, a recliner, four wicker chairs, and four couch cushions from his home, according to an Escambia County Sheriff’s Office report. The deputies had already noticed those items at the protest group’s encampment outside City Hall. When questioned by a deputy, Scott stated, “Yes, I took the furniture. I was going to give it back some day, but haven’t gotten around to it.” Scott, investigators noted, admitted entering English’s home through a rear window, taking the furniture, and using some of the stolen items.” Scott, pictured in the above mug shot, is being held in lieu of $20,000 bond in the county jail. Arrest records list the Virginia native's occupation as "nutritional aid." --------- His buddy, the "Praying Occupier", whose arrest has been featured on countless blogs, turned out to be the nut, who was arrested in Indiana last month for laying face up on a blanket “with his entire genitals showing.” With him officers had found the book “Gay Power,” a “Kroger bottle of extra virgin olive oil,” two cans of Miller beer, and Marlboro cigarettes. He is wanted for jumping bail and failing to appear in court. Do these people think the Bonehead Awards are a dating site?
Tech Support Pits: From: Minka Re: Browser Font Dear Webby, I noticed that you can set the fonts in the browser. What is the best fon? Minka Dear Minka That depends on what you use your browser for. If you are just shopping, researching, goofing around, etc, then Arial is a good font. If you have a small monitor but good eyes, then you can use Tunga. With that you can zoom down smaller than with Arial and still have good, readable text. If you use the broser to test and check your own work, set it to Comix or something silly like that. It will show you instantly, if you forgot to specify any particular font in your work. That happens to everybody, me included. You might want to turn off a font color, but go a step too far and also turn of the font face setting. An obviously goofy font will make that very visible. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Alf for this one: We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the eggs home.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

» Lake Effect Snow







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How to make High Contrast Links 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 18
Time to wear a bit of red 
to show your support for the troops!


It's not really snowing right here, but fine drift snow 
from elsewhwere is settling here. Temperature is -14
right now. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a good idea." --- Mahatma Ghandi There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves. --- Albert Guinon
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

Have you ever noticed that good jokes always come back to you ? This one came back via Kristine: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1957." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the large version. Where-Is-The-Washroom?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kevin Daly, 22, Man Wearing “I'm Not An Alcoholic” T-Shirt Arrested for Drunk Driving A New York motorist wearing an “I'm Not An Alcoholic, I'm A Drunk” t-shirt was arrested early today for drunk driving after he crashed into a police car. Kevin Daly, 22, was nabbed after plowing his 2000 Saturn into a police vehicle on County Road 83 in Suffolk County. A cop in the cruiser was not seriously injured in the 1:45 AM crash. Daly, pictured in the mug shot on top, is not the first drunk driver to get a bonehead award for wearing the “I’m Not An Alcoholic” message t-shirt while driving drunk. In mid-2007, Amanda Lynn Bailey, 41, got a Bonehead Award for getting busted for DUI by Florida cops wearing the same distinctive black garment.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Make links more visible Dear Webby, My links are showing OK, except in the header, which is the same color as my regular links, or nearly so. What can I do to remedy that? Thanks Ann Dear Ann Since you want to change that ONLY in the header, nowhere else on your pages, just change the link background with a style: <. a href="/books/" style="background-color:yellow";>Books<./a> (Leave out the periods after the Smaller Than sign. They are just to make sure some email programs don't act on the code instead of politely showing it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young man took a farm girl into town for a date at a fancy restaurant. While studying the menu she asked, "What's filet mignon?" Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver. Why?"

» Cat Lovers Delight







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Invisible Links 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 17

We had some snow this morning, that actually looked more
like hail, but was soft. Even though it did not warm up above
freezing, and the sund did not come through the clouds,
by mid afternoon the cold, but very dry wind had evaporated
it all. If ithad been the sun, it would have remained in the 
shade, but since it was the wind, it was gone completely.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

"Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others." --- Jacob M. Braude "Stubborness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow." --- Glen Beaman There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else. --- Cullen Hightower
"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "No," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "We have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?" "Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about the connubial." Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing. "Can you give me a description of him?" asked the officer. "He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures," answered the woman. "Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was...."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32 Drunk again and out of control A Tennessee woman who said she wanted a relationship and did not want to be just “a booty call”--allegedly stabbed a male suitor Tuesday night after he became irate when she put the brakes on his attempts to “touch her suggestively,” police report. By the way, the two are first cousins. Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32, were arrested and charged with aggravated domestic assault following a brawl in Brooks’s home in Rogersville. The combatants are pictured in the above mug shots. Wilson told a sheriff’s deputy that she and Brooks had “gotten into an argument about the status” of their relationship. It was during the argument, Wilson reported, that Brooks “began to touch her suggestively and stated that ‘he wanted her.’” In response, Wilson told her cousin that she “wanted a relationship and did not want to be 'A Booty Call,'” according to a Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office report. The latter comment allegedly infuriated Brooks, who began cursing at Wilson, and then allegedly knocked her to the kitchen floor with a flurry of punches. Fighting back, Wilson grabbed a pair of scissors and slashed away at her cousin’s face, neck, arms, and back. An investigator noted that Wilson and Brooks, who smelled of booze, admitted to consuming significant amounts of Everclear grain alcohol. Since a “primary aggressor” could not be determined, both cousins were arrested. Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after posting $4000 bond. Her cousin remains locked up in the county jail in lieu of $4000 bond. Both are set to be arraigned in Sessions Court later this month.
Tech Support Pits: From Kristine Re: Invisible links Dear Webby, I finally realized that not having a web page is worse than not being in the phone book, it's like having no phone. Making a business card style page was no big deal, I just saved my resume as HTML and uploaded it. That was so easy that my dumb sister's chihuahua could have done it. I made a bunch more pages and now I want some invisible links to those from the front entrance page, some links that only work if somebody has been told where they are hidden and wipes their mouse over them to see them. I know the colors for the background, text and links are set in the line, but that is for the entire page. If I set the link color to the page color, then ALL the links become invisible. How do I get around that? Kristine Dear Kristine use a paint program and capture a little block or bar of page background. Save that as link.gif. Then use that picture instead of the link text. For example: (Delete the periods after the "<", that is just so that the example code shows instead of it being a command) <.a href="page22.html"><.img src="link.gif" border="0"><./a> And that's it. When you want to allow somebody to view page 22, then you just tell them to wipe their mouse over the spot where you got that little block hidden, and click on it when it becomes visible. If you know how to make pictures with transparent background, then you can make one with writing in page background color on transparent background, and even spell out the name of the link. The writing will be invisible until you wipe a mouse over that spot on the page, but it will become visible then, because the selecting inverts the colors. You COULD accomplish the same with styles and a whole bunch of code, but why bother, when you can fake it with a tiny picture? Have FUN! DearWebby
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"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up being the only one, who caught any fish!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cardboard Fabric Liners For Storage Use the inner cardboard liners from bolts of fabrics to store your fabric. Stores will give them to you if you ask. Cut them in half and use them to wrap individual yardages around and store, upright, in those legal-sized cardboard boxes you get from office supply stores. You have only to glance at the top of the box to see what fabric you have in storage and each piece of fabric is the same size and standing straight up in the box. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the beginner how he did. "Well," the man said, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked my wife if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said, 'Yes.' Then I asked her, 'Why?' and she said, 'I know it is a piece of junk, but I'll buy it because I love you'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Old Gas Station The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car -- Just like three gals before. She missed the foot log -- jumped the stream, The owner gave a shout, As her pantyhose, down at her knees Caught on a sassafras sprout. She tripped and fell -- got up, and then in obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. He'd wait until the gals got set, And then the devilish guy Would stop his whittling long enough To speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below Struck terror, fright and fear, "Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here."

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Phony PayPal emails 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 16

On today's walk I sure would have appreciated a bit of 
Gullible Warming. Walking against an icy wind coming 
up from Montana was not comfortable at all. I was seriously
considering checking into the cost of one of those ski masks
worn by bank robbers. 

What is funny, I spent 30 years in the arctic, rode a few 
thousand miles on dog sleds, but never wore one of those
face masks. 
Maybe I should again stop trimming my beard and mustache?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Laurence J. Peter
Thanks to Sandie for sending this: Dearest Redneck Daughter, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not too sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried and hot because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Your Favorite Aunt, Mom
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

Thanks to Lillemor for this story: A balding, white haired man from Ft. Lauderdale in Florida , walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.' On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ashley Sedalia Haithcock, 26 in Salisbury, NC Drunk again and out of control ROCKWELL — An intoxicated China Grove woman broke into a Rockwell home Friday night, raided a cookie jar and fell asleep in the homeowner’s bed, authorities say. A Rowan County Sheriff’s Office report said Martha Birtch called the authorities when she found 26-year-old Ashley Sedalia Haithcock in her bed at 2005 Green Field Lane at about 10 p.m. The report said Birtch noticed the sliding glass door was open and a cookie jar inside the home was broken. When Birtch walked inside, she heard a woman’s voice and found Haithcock in her bed, under the covers. Haithcock, 328 Maple Ridge Circle, had gone missing about 7:30 p.m. when her grandfather Arnold called 911. Arnold told officers that Haithcock had been staying with him for the weekend, but got upset Friday night when he prohibited her from drinking. Arnold said he found her drinking wine in the home and said she has a drinking problem, the report said. Authorities said Haithcock disappeared from the 104 Sage Lane home after becoming upset with her grandfather. Deputies could not find the woman and calls to her cell phone went unanswered. As officers traveled to the Birtches’ residence to take Haithcock into custody, the woman became aggressive and began arguing with Birtch and her daughter.The report said Birtch’s daughter was assaulted by Haithcock in the incident. After being taken into custody, Haithcock continued being uncooperative, the report said, and kicked three deputies as they attempted to speak with her. She was charged with misdemeanor breaking and entering, misdemeanor simple assault, misdemeanor assault on a law enforcement officer and misdemeanor injury to personal property. Haithcock was given a $10,000 bond and was in jail on Monday.
Tech Support Pits: From Gerry Re: Phoney PayPal mails Dear Webby I know you mentioned phoney PayPal letters a few times, but I never paid attention because then I didn't have a paypal account. Now I do and today I got an email that looks like it is from Paypal and that asks me to verify details about my account. But it was sent to my other address, not the one I use for PayPal. What's the proper procedure? Gerry Dear Gerry PayPal NEVER asks you to submit any information via email. NEVER click on any links in mails pretending to be from PayPal. If you have MailWasher, then you can see in the preview details that underneath what looks like a link to PayPal, the link actually goes to some number domain. With some email programs you can see those numbers in the status line when you hover the mouse over the link. Real PayPal mail never has links except to https://www.paypal.com They just tell you to log in normally and go to this or that department. If you get phoney PayPal mails, expose the header and forward the mail to spoof@paypal.com Have FUN! DearWebby
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An elderly Italian man asked the local priest to hear his confession. "Father, during World War II a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic." The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son, and you have no need to confess." "It's worse, Father. I was weak and told her she must repay me with her sexual favours." "You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. Heaven, in its wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and evil, and judge you kindly. You are forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question." "And what is that?" "Should I tell her the war is over?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Triangle in Foil Seal on Coffee Cans I have found that coffee cans now have a foil seal under the lid. If you cut a triangle in the foil from the middle to the outside, the coffee grounds don't spill all over when you pour them. Don't cut the triangle too wide. By Vi from Mobridge, SD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to David for this one: An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald and forgetful, they don't recognize you.

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Stop FireFox from restoring a bad set of tabs 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 15

Interesting tidbit from the news:
"Harvard protesters set up their tent city a week after a 
student walkout of Economics 10, an undergraduate 
course taught by Professor Gregory Mankiw, a former 
presidential economic adviser."

Apparenty the kids, who know and understand it all, 
didn't like getting hit with the truth by somebody, 
who had worked all his life, and probably was a 
Dirty Capitalist Pig, just like their parents.

It seems to be a tradition, that teens firmly believe that
their parents are not clued in and don't know anything.
Actually, I have seen even pre-teens show that kind
of behavior and announcing during a temper tantrum, 
that they will stay at the candy counter until they get 
what they want. 

Last time I observed that, I asked the mother if she had
behaved like that too, when she was a silly little brat.
She admitted, that she did, once. So I asked her what 
happend. "My Ma whaled the tar outa me, and when I 
screamed like a stuck pig, everybody in the store laughed,
and some guy offered his gloves to my Ma."

I did have a glove, that I had picked up on the path and stuck
onto a fence post for three days, and adopted, when nobody
claimed it, in my jacket. It was a big, heavy work glove.
When I handed it to the mother, the silly brat got the hint
and got really quiet, really suddenly.

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Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. ---- Albert Schweitzer Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. --- Benjamin Franklin I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell. --- Harry S Truman
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

When I stopped to visit a friend, I found her on the phone with a real-estate agent. "That's a little high!" she e xclaimed. "What can I get for less than $500 a month?" The reply was evidently not to my friend's liking. "I see," she said abruptly, and hung up. "What did the agent say you could get?" I asked. "An old mini-van."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jacob James Winston, 28 Man unhappy with pizza starts fire NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- Nashville police say a man apparently upset over his pizza threw a beer bottle with flammable liquid into the restaurant. Officers said in a news release Monday that it ignited a small fire Sunday night that was quickly extinguished by employees. Police said three employees chased 28-year-old Jacob James Winston a few blocks and subdued him until officers arrived. He was injured in the scuffle and taken to a hospital where he was listed in stable condition. Police said he would face aggravated arson and other charges in the case after his release. They said he has 32 prior arrests since 2006 on various charges.
Tech Support Pits: From JJS Re: FireFox restores to crashing Dear Webby Was having trouble opening Internet explorer and could not open Firefox . Called my Internet provider and they had me reset IE thru the control panel ( Internet options ) and IE works fine now but still cannot open Firefox. When try to open get a message that says it has crashed. Searching the net tells me to open Firefox and then go to help and run it in safe mode to reset. It will not stay open to click on help. Any suggestions ?? Have uninstalled and reinstalled firefox more than once with no help. Have a desktop and two laptops. Laptops work fine but desk top is the problem. Desktop is Win XP and laptops are Win 7 . Thanks and always look forward to your news letters. Hope your health is improving ! JJS Dear JJS Sounds like some virus does not want you to browse and download any anti-virus stuff, that could kill it. Get ready to paste about:config into the address bar, open Firefox and immediately paste that into the address bar and hit ENTER Ignore the goofy warning about voiding the warranty. That is an old April Fools Joke. You will see another address bar lower down, called FILTER. Paste into that one: browser.sessionstore.resume_from_crash It will show browser.sessionstore.resume_from_crash default boolean true Doubleclick on the true to make it toggle to false That will change the default from restoring the previously open tabs to making a clean start. If you have multiple users, you should use that method anyway, to prevent other people from automatically restoring into YOUR signed in Gmail session, if you wander off during a power failure, and they get to the computer before you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My cousin owns a business in Miami, a furniture store. I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to visit a manufacturer and check out the merchandise himself. And maybe he could meet an available young Italian women. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Triangle in Foil Seal on Coffee Cans I have found that coffee cans now have a foil seal under the lid. If you cut a triangle in the foil from the middle to the outside, the coffee grounds don't spill all over when you pour them. Don't cut the triangle too wide. By Vi from Mobridge, SD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
NEWS FLASH! - Dubuque, Iowa - Iowa's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two local Iowa college students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today in Dubuque. Dubuque search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far, most of them dead, and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and co-pilot survived and are helping in the recov- ery efforts.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the current cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough and choke. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the cowboys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head. The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe normally again, the cowboy walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do it before!

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Search Engine Optimizing: Truth or tricks 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 14

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DearWebby


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"It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it." --- Kin Hubbard "Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind and having holes in one's head?" --- Richard Schultz
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

The cowboy walked into the tack shop. "How much for a pair of spurs?" he asked the sales clerk. "Forty dollars." The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment, then pulled out a twenty. "I'll take one spur." "What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked. The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the horse movin', the other side'll go too."
Thanks to Ralph for this picture: Click through for the large version. We were with an Airstream group that camped on site for 3 days. Being the wind drove the schedule more than the clock we often saw various events before & after the park was open to the general public. It was a wonderful display, I have hundreds of pictures, it is hard to pick favourites. "The bees" balloons are a set of three and they try to launch simultaneously. The Cow balloon took a team of about 10 to get it inflated and airborne. Just amazing. Ralph
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ryan McKenzie, 45, in Broward, FL on stretcher police "boat" in the background Man jumps into New River in failed bid to flee authorities The New River once again Wednesday proved a near-deadly draw for a desperate defendant. Ryan McKenzie, 45, who was in a crowded courtroom for a hearing on previous drug charges, overheard a Border Patrol agent asking about him. Not in custody, the Hollywood man slipped from the room, dashed out of the courthouse and jumped into the New River in an attempt to escape. The move nearly cost him his life. He "appeared in distress and possibly was going to drown," Fort Lauderdale police spokesman Detective Travis Mandell said. "He was able to swim across the river, but then couldn't get out and was showing signs of distress," Mandell said. Police boats and Broward sheriff's deputies arrived. Police officer Rick Rhodes jumped in the water and attached ropes on McKenzie, to winch him onto one of the boats and to safety. He was taken to the hospital for evaluation and is expected to be released into the custody of the Border Patrol. "He's lucky it ended up the way it did," BSO spokeswoman Dani Moschella said. It wasn't the first time the New River, which flows behind the downtown courthouse, has beckoned criminal defendants with the promise of an easy escape. Most of them drowned.
Tech Support Pits: From Rosa Re: Search engine Optimizing Dear Webby My dad's consultant told me that all these Search Engine Optimizers are just con artists who can't make a living with their own web sites, so they are spamming and trying to con money out of people who make money on the web. However, some of those SEOs sound very convincing. I notice that your Mypostcards.com has been at the top of Google for many years and you don't buy ad words and you don't even use meta tags. What's the real scoop? Rosa Dear Rosa Your dad's consultant is very wise. You have to understand that the search engines are not in business to please a bunch of tricksters, but to deliver the content that people are looking for. When you are looking for flower seeds, you want to be shown companies that sell flower seeds, not a bunch of flakey casinos or dating sites. Becaue the search engines are trying hard to deliver the searched for content, they work very hard to defeat the tricksters and keep changing the rules to stay ahead of cheaters. People who spend big money on ad words will often temporarily rise to the top, but usually just very briefly. Don't worry about them. Just focus on having the content that you promise, and you'll stick around near the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two ladies were on their daily exercise stroll. They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as one gets older.One of the woman complained that she remained in a 'pear-shape' no matter what she did, and the other said that no matter how much she exercised, there was too much poundage on her backside and thighs. It almost seemed like it was there to stay. Her buddy agreed, saying, "It's true. It eve says so i the bible! The lard works in mysterious ways."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Wax Residue in Candle Holders I used to have the kindest neighbor who I would visit often. She always had everything decorated so nicely, and she always had candles burning. She told me that she put a little bit of water in the bottom of the glass votive before putting her candle in to prevent the wax from sticking to glass votive and she was right! Source: My older kind neighbor By Beth from Fairfield, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A father from Europe is visiting his son in America for the very first time. They are at the local supermarket going up and down the aisles. Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh orange juice!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und vas dis, powdered milk?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! Dey take da fun outta everyting!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
How come when you mix water and flour together, you get glue... and then you add eggs and sugar... and you get cake? Where did the glue go? NEED AN ANSWER? You know darned well where it went! The glue is what makes the cake... stick to your hips!

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Little Things 

"It's the little things in life that make us happy.
Like watching a child on a swing.
Listening to birds in the trees.
Seeing an Occupier get French-kissed by an air hammer."




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View animations in Outlook 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 13

One subscriber considered the term Flea-Bagger to be
"repulsive". Well, it was not me, who coined it, and it is
not going to go away in our lifetime.

Yes, quite likely, to parents and grandparents of the 
"Urban Protest Outdoors Residents", the term may
be less flattering, than they would prefer.

Obama and the Marxists have been quick to label
the Tea Party members as Tea-Baggers, so naturally
the members of the media have been eager to show off
the quick wits, that they sharpened in countless years 
in college, and labelled the opposite end of the spectrum,
the "Urban Protest Outdoors Residents", as Flea-Baggers.

I don't think they meant to refer to the smell of the sidewalk 
denizens, but just wanted to show off their ability, to make
a simple pun.

Just like nobody is going to stop using the term "Tea-Bagger",
don't expect the term "Flea-Bagger" to disappear. 
It is part of the language now.

The term OWS has not caught on, even with the people
involved. "Are you going tatea-baggerilgating at the arena?"
Nah, we promised to go flea-bagging on Main Street."

Have YOU heard anybody say, they are going "OWS'ing
on Main Street" ? Not likely. That's just not cool.

Just to add to the confusion, one reader reported that some
Marxists are trying to twist the name Tea-Bagger to a very
obscure and obsolete use of the word, not at all related to 
the Tea Party or their aganeda. Apparently, if the Marxists
had their way, the term tea-bagger would become a dirty word,
and they are frantically slobbering all kinds of posts about 
that onto the Internet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. --- Thomas A. Edison By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. " --- Confucius
Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what the problem was. Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done had our first fight last night." Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a fight about?" Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope." Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows dat Clothile is Catholic." Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know de Pope was too."
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

Thanks to Bob for this one: After you've been with someone for awhile, you wind up with your own way of communicating. For example, the other day Mary hollered at me, "What are you looking for in that closet?" "Nothing," I hollered back. "Well," she shouted, "it's not in there. Look under the bed!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Monarch on ButterflyWeed
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Serena Ann Thomas, 30 Mom hid crystal meth in daughter's diaper bag CLEARWATER — She kept crystal meth in her 3-year-old daughter's diaper bag, police said. Serena Ann Thomas, 30, of Clearwater was pulled over by police at 8:27 p.m. Saturday on suspicion of driving under the influence, according to an arrest report. With her in the white 2007 Chevrolet Impala were her 3-year-old daughter and Jamie Marie Davie, 26, of Clearwater. After Thomas consented, a Clearwater police officer searched the car. In the girl's diaper bag, the officer found two bags containing about one gram each of an off-white substance that looked like and tested positive for crystal methamphetamine, according to the report. The officer also found two pipes. Thomas was arrested and faces a charge of possession of crystal meth. Davie faces a charge of possession of oxycodone, a prescription painkiller.
Tech Support Pits: From Michael Re: Outlook and Animated pictures Dear Webby, I had the same problem with animated GIFs in Outlook 2007 and 2010 -- they would not move. The solution is essentially the same as your solution: view the message in a browser. First double click on the message to open it into its own window, then from “Actions” on the Ribbon, choose “Other Actions”, then “View in Browser”. I know you don’t like Outlook, but some of us are required to use it by our employers. It took me 3 years to find this solution; if you publish this, hopefully it will help some others who are less tenacious. Aloha, -mkr Dear Michael If the animation is in email, instead of a folder, then most email programs have the option to view it in your browser. That goes back to the days when Eudora and Pegasus were the only email programs, and Netscape the only browser. In Eudora, for example, you right-click anywhere in the message, and hit S to Send to browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
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I got a really funny spam today: "Subject: no more lying in applications - buy a degree from an accredited university here. There are no required tests, classes, books, or interviews! Get a Bachelors, Masters, MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Wax Residue in Candle Holders I used to have the kindest neighbor who I would visit often. She always had everything decorated so nicely, and she always had candles burning. She told me that she put a little bit of water in the bottom of the glass votive before putting her candle in to prevent the wax from sticking to glass votive and she was right! Source: My older kind neighbor By Beth from Fairfield, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man who suffered from impotence went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him a revolutionary new injection made from monkey glands, which worked perfectly. Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby. When the nurse came out of the delivery room with the news, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" "We won't know until your kid comes down off the chandelier."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said. "Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick." "What did you do?" "I hid his teeth!"

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Thanksgiving Day – 2022 

[Something to think about this November 24th]



Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her husband. "In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered. Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington.

Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its "unseemly violence" and the "bad example it sets for the rest of the world," Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting.

Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another Tofu Turkey. Even though it was the best type of Veggie Meat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat pie), it wasn't anything like real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name of "Thanksgiving Day" to "A National Day of Atonement" in 2020 to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims' historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.

Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats [which were monitored and controlled by the electric company] be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.

Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. "The RHC's resources are limited," explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. "Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I'm sorry for your loss."

Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines-for everyone but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.

Thankfully, Winston's brother, John, and his wife were flying in. Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added "inconvenience" was an "absolute necessity" in order to stay "one step ahead of the terrorists." Winston's own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for "unequal scrutiny," even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.

The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact. "A living Constitution is extremely flexible," said the Court's eldest member, Elena Kagan. " Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example," she added.

Winston's thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.

His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were "just around the corner," but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn't help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to "spur economic growth." This time they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.

Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life "fair for everyone" realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.

.....He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around2011, when all the real nonsense began. "Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just said, 'Enough is Enough', when we had the chance," he thought.

Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.



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Which drivers do I need? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
A Salut to all Veterans!



In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.
         

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. --- Doug Larson The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture. That's no small feat for a non plumber! Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my four-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work any better than before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just rescued and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the green one, too"? he asked.
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amber Bush, 26, in Moulton,AL Facebook Posts Lead to Arrest Moulton, AL - Lawrence County Sheriff's Investigators say some online detective work led them to a theft arrest this week. According to Sheriff Gene Mitchell, deputies were contacted this week about a set of golf clubs that were lent to a woman, and then never returned to the rightful owner. The woman who allegedly had the clubs - 26 year old Amber Bush - denied having them when investigators spoke with her. However, a short time later, deputies discovered Bush had made several posts on Facebook, claiming she had the clubs and had no intention of returning them. After questioning her again, Bush reportedly confessed to the theft and was arrested on Wednesday. Even though she thought she was too cute for jail, she is being held in the Lawrence County Jail on a $2500 bond since Nov 9. So far, none of her friends and victims has been in a hurry to lend her the required $250 (10% of the bond).
Tech Support Pits: From Ralph Re: Which drivers do I need? Dear Webby, I have an older Sony VAIO PC running XP, SP3 and I am finding devices like my camera, usb memory card reader and an android tablet will not connect to it. Literature on the devices says it will connect with any usb port. I have gone to the Sony esupport site for my computer to downloaded the latest to no avail. I really think they stopped supporting it some time ago judging by the dates on their files. Where can I find the proper drivers for free? I always seem to end up downloading a program that scans my computer but then wants money and a lot of personal information before they will say where the resources actually are. How do I find out if my hardware / firmware will actually support new drivers? Thanks Ralph Dear Ralph The drivers have to be from the peripheral device makers, like the camera, card reader, etc. However, if even a new card reader does not work, I would seriously suspect your USB port to have a hardware or connection problem. I would check to see if the connector to the USB port has come loose from the motherboard. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It´s too hot. It´s too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin´ ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it´s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can´t be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can´t kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you´ll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you´ve kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma´am," the frustrated guide said, "but I´ve sat on it!!!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Saw from Sticking in Sappy Wood A little kerosene and used crankcase oil dripped onto its blade will keep a saw from sticking and binding as you cut hedges and other sappy wood. Source: Grandpa By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer, approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, "Fer Chris sakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener! You'll be walking for a year now. Git out!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Marilee for this story: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom. And wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked so adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror -wearing nothing but a camera!

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Laser vs Inkjet reliability 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 10

Had to go to the hospital today for a check-up of my legs.
Apparently the combination of heart attacks and diabetes 
are a cause for concern. So I took that as an excuse for
walking up to the hospital and back and enjoy the sunshine.
Black Diamond is in the valley and the hospital is up on 
the high prairie. 

I probably would have had an easier time when I was 18,
but I did manage without stopping.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"In wilderness I sense the miracle of life, and behind it our scientific accomplishments fade to trivia." --- Charles A. Lindbergh
An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. "Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady. "Yes," he replied. "Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that stupid drainpipe!"
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

A Newfie came out West and sme friends took him along for curling. As luck would have it, he won an Ice auger for ice fishing. A lot of beer later, when they got kicked out of the curling club, the Newfie wants to go ice fishing right then and there. It's about as foggy outside as it is in his head, after all those beers, but his keen eyes spot some ice not far away. Proudly carrying his nice, shiny, red auger, he stumbles in that direction and decides that he'll give it a go. He carefully takes the safety cover off the point. You may think thasch easchy, but if you hol yourschelf upright with the schilly Ische auger, every time you pull the plaschtik thingamagig off the bottom point, you fffall down! Musch easier if you doing while lying down. Finally he starts drilling. Suddenly, a loud voice booms out at him, "There's no fish in here." The Newfie looks all around him in the fog, but can't see anyone. He decides to ignore the voice and carries on drilling. Again, the voice booms out, "I've told you, there's no fish in here!" He looks up again but there's still no sign of anyone so he returns to his task. "Stop it!" shouts the now very angry sounding voice, "You'd better pack up your stuff and get out of here or there'll be trouble." "Who are you" shouts the drunk guy, "you don't scare me!" There was a big, thundering roar and the the loud voice again: "I'm the manager of this hockey rink, and I'm starting up the Zamboni!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heather Haygood Mom hid meth on 6 year old son Decatur, AL - Decatur Police have arrested and charged a woman with a series of drug crimes, including possession and manufacturing, and chemical endangerment of a child. Investigators say she hid meth on her own young son. 27 year old Heather Haygood was pulled over for a routine traffic stop Thursday night near the intersection of Highway 31 and Deer Springs Road. During the course of the stop, Decatur Police officers searched the car and found meth on her 6 year old son. Officers also found chemicals used in meth making inside the car. Haygood is being held in the Decatur City Jail on $57,500 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From Thomas Re: Inkjet versus laser reliability Dear Webby, I know from some of your posts that you are in favor of laser printers. My experience in offices with laser printers seemed to be that there was always something going wrong with the laser printers. It seems that there is so much more to go wrong with them then with inkjet printers. I am fearful of buying a laser printer and 6 months later being socked with a huge repair bill. Thomas Dear Thomas In the 80's Laser printers did have frequent problems, especially when they were used for cranking through a case or more of paper per week. I know, I used to be the one fixing them. I remember, when the IBM 3180 was the top of the line laser printer, and I was in good enough shape, that I could carry them alone down and up steep and long stairs. However, Lasers have come a long way in the last 25-30 years, and the cute secretaries, who abused them then, are grandmothers and great-grandmothers now. I am using a DELL 1320c color laser, and have for 3-4 years. All I ever do for it is stuff another ream of paper into it, and occasionally change toner cartridges. As long as you stay away from HP, Lasers are quite reliable nowadays. Since with a Laser you get into the Business Class, you get much better quality than at the bargain consumer level. Also keep in mind, withlasers, there is nothing to dry up or leak. They work with dry powder. However, when mine is five years old, I will seriously consider opening it and see if it needs cleaning and lubricating. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Looky thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels, stick them on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', Okay?' said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the emply bottles under the seat, and each put a label on his forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch." "You' look as stupid on your mug shots, as you are, boys. And you'll be walking for a year. Start by walking over to the cruiser."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Placemat With Photos I take pictures from trips I have taken, laminate them on placemat size paper. They are always of interest when people come to dinner. I have also done this with various holiday cards, so I have placemats to go with all holidays. By Bev from Carlsbad, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Pat and Mike were once very good friends. One day when they were still on speaking terms, Pat went over to Mike's house to visit, but when he got there, Mike was out. Mike's wife was holding the ferociously fighting baby who had different plans, and trying to put up curtains at the same time. "Pat," she said, "I'm glad you came. Would you mind holding the squirming nuisance while I finish the curtains?" A few minutes later, Pat came in and said to Mike, "How ya doin, Mike?" Said Mike, "I'm holding my own". That's when the battle started.

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Financial Definitions 

CEO:
chief embezzlement officer.

CFO:
corporate fraud officer.

BULL MARKET
A random market movement causing an investor
to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET
A 6 to 18 month period
when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry,
and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING
The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO
The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER
What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR
Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST!
Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION
The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW
The movement your money makes
as it disappears down the toilet.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

MOMENTUM INVESTING
The fine art of buying high and selling low.

"BUY, BUY"
A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

FINANCIAL PLANNER
A guy who actually remembers his wallet
when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

CALL OPTION
Something people used to do with a telephone
in ancient times before e-mail.

PROFIT
an archaic word no longer in use.

PROFIT
Religious guy who talks to God.

BILL GATES
Where God goes for a loan.

ALAN GREENSPAN
God.



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Source for Accurate Weather 

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.

But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet,
it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way,
it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back,
it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this,
you have to leave the dog outside all the time,
especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely, The CAT



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Computer Calculator 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 9

Time to pick on Iran again?
After it was quite OK, that Pakistan sold technology and
centrifuges, and pardoned the people doing that, they
make a big fuss about Iran. 

Sure, Iran is led by a bunch of barbarians, and excpet for
their friend Obamanov, nobody is in a rush to forgive them
for taking over the US embassy and university, however, 
they are not stupid enough to actually USE nuclear weapons.

Even though the US would let them get away with it, Israel
won't. And Saudi Arabia would quite cheerfully participate
in bombing them back to the stone age. After all, they don't 
have that far to go. 

Seems to me, the media just needs something to write about, 
while the Flea-Baggers visit their parent's home for a shower
and to warm up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Most people would succeed in small things, if they were not troubled with great ambitions. --- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person. --- Ethel Mumford
Thanks to Chris for this one: There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it. An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in howls of laughter. ---------- The receptionist at my doctor is the opposite. She is very cute, but extremely shy. If I was not so good at lip-reading, I could not understand her. Or maybe she is whispering, so that I look at her face? '-)
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter where I was lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in the lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is supposed to float!" As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Christine Murgueytio, 30, Ft Myers, FL Teacher accused of DUI crash in school parking lot LEE COUNTY - Florida A Lee County teacher is accused of driving under the influence, AGAIN, and deputies say she crashed into another car in her school's parking lot. Deputies say on Thursday morning, the Dunbar Middle School, school resource officer called to report a minor crash that happened in the parking lot. The crash involved teacher Christine Murgueytio's white Kia and a parked car. The SRO told deputies that Murgueytio might have been impaired because an eyewitness had said that she was stumbling and that her speech was "thick tongued." When deputies arrived and spoke the teacher, she was asked if she had been drinking or taking any drugs. According to the arrest report, she replied that she had only taken one Ambien Wednesday night. When asked to take a field sobriety test, she agreed but asked to do so in the back of the parking lot so that her coworkers and students would not see it happening. Seems she expected to fall on her snout. Four field sobriety tests were conducted, all of which she failed. Based on the results of those tests, she was placed in custody and asked to give a breath sample. And as the deputy was gathering her things from her car, according to the arrest report, he found two beer cans in her lunch box next to some uneaten plums. Murgueytio also agreed to give a urine sample, which was then placed into evidence. She was then taken to the Lee County Jail, but has since been released on bond. Murgueytio is on PAID administrative leave with the School District, pending the results of their own investigation. ----------------------- This is her third DUI while a teacher in that county, and her second Bonehead Award.
Tech Support Pits: From Sue Re: Calculator Dear Webby, I need a good calculator. What do you recommend? Sue Dear Sue Hit START, RUN and type calc Hit Enter. You can set it simple or scientific. It will remember your choice. You can also do a search for calc.exe, and make a desktop shortcut to it. If you have TweakUI, then you also have PoweCalc. It can graph equations and does a bunch of unit conversions. For more versatility, use a SpreadSheet like Open Office CALC or Quattro or Excel. Spreadsheets are easy to use and you can calculate anything. The biggest advantage is that the numbers don't scroll into history, but stay right there and can be checked and edited. You can also select a batch of entries, for example the VISA expenses of last year, and with a single click make a graph of them. That lets you quickly spot uncharacteristic entries, and also lets you sit back and muse about trends. Spreadsheets look intimidating to novices, but are actually as easy as falling into bed. Just start playing with them and kicking yourself that you have not started with that much earlier. An often overlooked feature is that you can save a spreadsheet as HTML and upload it to the web, for a friend or co-worker to view and comment, or to continue a collaborative effort. Then there is Launchy You can get it from my ToolBox. Launchy is the most understated program on the net. Officially, it is just for launching programs, that have their icons hidden or lost. For example, to launch Eudora I hit ALT SPACE to open Launchy, E for Eudora ENTER to launch it. I don't even have to take my hands away from the keyboard and hunt for the mouse. If I type a number into Launchy, that turns it into a calculator with a horizontal tape. You can copy your entries or just the results. And when you hit ESC, it is gone. However, ALT SPACE restores the previous entries and result, just in case you hit ESC by accident. Be careful with the SKINS. There are countless skins for it available, and getting just the right skin can be like shopping for a wedding dress. Keep in mind, though, if your Launchy clashes with your nail polish or whatever, you can always pick a different skin. And it is free! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Bea for this one: For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I car pooled to get our children to soccer practice. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be able to take my turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts. Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed. "Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't know."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations in Santa Sacks Each year I store away all my decorations in Santa sacks that have a drawstring top. When Christmas rolls around again I get the bags down from the storage rack in garage. There is no dust and everything is just where I left it. By Melinda B from Melbourne, Australia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is." "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she is a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her." "You were perfectly right. "You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room: "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A reporter from Chicago was visiting an old colleague, who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it."

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COD Modern Warfare 3 Guide – How To Become The Best Fast? 

So you have just picked up the new Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 game and are getting killed too much online in the multiplayer mode? Or maybe you just want to learn how to get better at the game fast? Well there are a couple of ways you can do this and this article will help you out:

Forums: You can of course browse the forums and ask the top players about map strategies and how they are dominating but in all honesty you will probably not get the best players giving away their secrets. However if you browse enough and keep asking questions you will be able to piece together information about the maps and new game modes that will help you. The main things to make sure you understand is the new Strike chains and pick one that suits your gameplay. Also that you can level your weapon it is well worth levelling a weapon that you are going to play with and use a lot. Another way is to check out the top gaming sites:

Gaming Sites: If you check out the top gaming sites and look for some tips on how to dominate the multiplayer this is a good place to start but again these will not be any “secrets”. Well worth a look if you are brand new but I suggest if you want to dominate Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 then you check out a good guide:

Perses Guide: If you really want a complete guide to dominate the game then I would check out Perses guide as it is a complete guide on how to dominate the game and has a complete walkthrough for both single player and multiplayer as well. If you are trying to get to grips with the game then a full guide that has been designed by the top gamers will help you out no end. For a full preview and to start dominating check out the full guide below:

http://rememberme.perses.hop.clickbank.net/



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Printing for outdoors 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 8

Did the accusations about groping help Arnold to get elected,
even though he was a Republican in a Democrat state?
They sure did not hurt him. He more or less just laughed 
them off. Did Cain learn from Arnold?

Should be interesting soon!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it. --- Socratex All men commend patience, although few be willing to practice it. --- Thomas Kempis (1799-1850)
When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target of course was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he laughed and remarked, "Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!" About then he realized, that I had loosened the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" pipe so that it aimed at his crotch.
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

At one job I had a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in a Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "Uh, nothing," he replied. "I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Miguel Medina, Albany OnStar reported DUI crash ALBANY -- A South Pearl Street man faces aggravated driving while intoxicated charges after his OnStar system lead police to the scene of a car accident early Tuesday, police said. Miguel Medina was charged with felony DWI, leaving the scene of a property damage accident and refusal to take a breath test, police said. The Albany man allegedly crashed a 2011 Buick Regal into a utility pole at the corner of Oneida and Catherine streets at 2:05 a.m., and fled the scene, according to police. The car was equipped with OnStar, and a system dispatcher reported the crash, police said. Officers arrived at the crash site, where witnesses said that Medina had run toward Slingerland Street, police said. Police arrested the man, whose age was not available, across from Bishop Maginn High School. Medina refused to take a sobriety test. Police said a Breathalyzer that he later submitted to registered his alcohol blood content at above 0.18 percent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08. Medina was arraigned in Albany City Court.
Tech Support Pits: From Vanessa Re: Weatherproof print Dear Webby, I need to print some fliers, that get taped to the outside of doors. They are not directly in the weather, but don't seem to last the week, that they should. What kind of printing do you suggest? Vanessa Dear Vanessa I would use a Laser Printer, like the DELL 1320c for color or the DELL 1130 mono for $85. Lasers melt a waxy toner into the paper. Moisture may deteriorate the paper, but the laser printed parts will be protected. Unlike items printed with inkjets, laser printed colors will never run. Naturally, you have to use a quality toner from a reputable supplier. If BestBuy or Walmart puts toner cartridges on sale, you can bet that they have been sitting on their shelves for too long. I buy ink and toner from Atlantic Inkjet, and have for about a dozen years. The quality is excellent, shipping is fast, and the price is right. You can protect the paper from wind damage with a clear varnish spray, and unlike inkjet printed paper, with laser, the print quality will not deteriorate from the inside out or from the back.. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said, "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "Why, it's so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to schay it or schpell it kwite rite.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "T". Examples of those days are as follows: Tuesday Thursday Thanksgiving Today Tomorrow Thaturday Thunday

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