Tuesday, November 22, 2011, 10:04 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 22
Happy 85th birthday, Sir Squirrel!
Finally got some wind from the West!
Snow and leaves are headed across the prairies now.
Get the snow shovels ready, Toronto and Chicago!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Admitting you're wrong is a modest way of
showing you've grown a litter wiser.
--- Socratex
"A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no
brain."
--- Robert Heinlein
Thanks to Joann for this one:
During my training as a medical-group receptionist, I was
told never to recommend one of our doctors over another,
but simply state who had available appointments. One day
a woman came in and looked at me conspiratorially.
"I'm a nurse," she whispered, "and I know the staff
always knows which doctors are good and which aren't.
Who do you think I should see?"
Knowing my supervisor was listening close by, I tried to
sound most professional. "Oh, I'm sorry," I replied. "I
can't recommend any of our doctors."
"Well, you must know!" she said, heading for the door.
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Michelle Watson, 24, in Prescott, AZ
Winner of free room and board for the winter at the
Yavapai County Jail
After Kneeing Cop In Groin, Arizona Drunk Driver
Poses For Beatific Booking Pic
The 24-year-old motorist had an eventful Thursday evening,
according to cops in Prescott, Arizona. The intoxicated Watson,
driving a Honda Civic, allegedly:
* Hit “numerous curbs” and drove on the sidewalk
* Said, “I don’t have to walk fucking anywhere” when
approached by a cop
* Shoved an officer after declining to take field sobriety tests
* Had to be taken to the ground while scuffling with a cop
* Kneed a second officer in the crotch while being handcuffed
* Repeatedly cursed at police
* Kicked the inside of a squad car
Despite all this, Watson was beaming and flashing two thumbs
up when she posed for the above booking photo at the
Yavapai County Jail (her blood alcohol content was measured
at nearly three times the legal limit).
As detailed in a Prescott Police Department report, Watson
was charged with aggravated assault on a cop, resisting arrest,
and “DUI-super extreme.”
Tech Support Pits:
From: Dora
Re: Is Mapquest broken?
Dear Webby
Is Mapquest broken?
Lately it happened more and more often, that Mapquest could
not find addresses. Sometimes it refuses to find a NW street
and instead insists on going to a SW street in the same town.
And similar screw-ups.
How do you get around that?
Dora
Dear Dora
Yes, MapQuest is indeed getting rather flakey.
These days http://bing.com/maps usually works better.
Typical Microsoft, the controls are just a bit different,
but it's not too difficult to get used to them.
Aerial maps are OK for major cities, but rather pathetic for
rural areas. For the bird eye view you may have to go back
to MapQuest orGoogle Earth.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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Girlfriend: Two of the best things I cook best are meatloaf
and apple pie.
Boyfriend: Oh? And which is this?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Coffee Grounds to Deodorize Refrigerator
Odors in the fridge or freezer will be gone overnight if you
place a dish of used coffee grounds in a bowl and place it
in the center of the refrigerator/freezer. It works better
then baking soda!
By DCW816 from Hampton, TN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy was talking to her girlfriend....."My psychiatrist
told me yesterday that the way to achieve true inner
peace is to always finish what I start. I think I'm getting
the hang of it--
So far today I've finished a bag of cheetos, a six-pack
of beer, and the chocolate cake I baked for my
mother's birthday party tomorrow."
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in
popularity of sport-utility vehicles and minivans, which has
created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that
keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been
selling like crazy.
One day as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could
play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the
husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"
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Monday, November 21, 2011, 06:05 PM -
,
Posted by Administrator
MOVIE TEST:
Be honest and don't look at the movie list below till you have
done the math.
Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite.
This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you
would enjoy the most.
It really works!
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.
Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your
predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.
Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story
Now, ain't that something...?
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Monday, November 21, 2011, 11:35 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 21
Another Gullible Whining Myth shot to hell.
The supposedly vanished caribou are doing just fine at their
alternate calfing grounds, just like the natives have been
saying all along.
The clueless fear mongers and grant recipients apparently
don't understand that a lot of things in Mother Nature operate
with a lag. Caribou keep going back to their cafing grounds
for a number of years, but because in the high North their
droppings don't compost very quickly, the ground gets a bit
over saturated with organic fertilizer, and gets rater smelly.
So they go to a different area for calfing. No big deal,
when that one gets too crappy in 30 years or so, they may
come back to a previous one, or find some brand new one.
The Arctic is plenty big enough.
By the way, Caribou don't mind oil exploration at all.
They themselves are oil experts too and seek oil puddles
to roll in for bug protection. They have been doing that
for thousands of years.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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please donate what you can! |
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Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.
Your date willl look a lot better to you.
--- Socratex
Love is a form of temporary insanity
curable only by marriage.
--- Socratex
A four year old kid ran up and down the supermarket
aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!"
Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided
by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your
mother, you know."
"I know," said the child, wise beyond his years,
"but there must be 'leventy-seven mothers in the store.
Your are the only Marian mother!"
One finds the most romantic people at home improvement
centers. A friend was helping a couple purchase a new door
for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the
stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife
in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which
one of these door you can fit through!"
Click through for the large version.
Flows South, Right?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Pamela D. Copes, 33, of Albany, NY
Stolen car driven to court
COLONIE -- In need of a ride to court, an Albany woman and
two friends allegedly stole a car.
Colonie police received a call at 5:14 p.m. Wednesday from
officers in Albany. A stolen car with an OnStar global positioning
system indicated that the car was in Colonie at 243 Wolf Road.
A short time later, it had been moved to 312 Wolf Road, the
address of the town's Public Safety Center.
Police found the car in THEIR parking lot and arrested three
suspects. One of those arrested, Pamela D. Copes, 33, of
Albany, had a court appearance in Colonie Justice Court for
two previous arrests.
The car is a white 2007 Chevrolet Impala four-door sedan
valued at $12,325. The car was reported stolen from 427
Second Ave., Albany, at 6:52 a.m. Wednesday.
Copes is charged with criminal possession of stolen property
in the third degree, a felony.
Copes was in court answering charges from an incident on
March 28 that includes unlawfully fleeing a police officer in
the third degree, reckless driving and aggravated unlicensed
operation of a motor vehicle in the third degree, all
misdemeanors. She also was charged with unlawful possession
of marijuana, a violation.
Copes also faced charges filed Feb. 19 of petit larceny and
endangering the welfare of a child, both misdemeanors.
The other two charged in the stolen car case are Michael
Oglesby, 45, of Albany and Andrea M. Dixon, 44, of Colonie.
Both face a misdemeanor count of third-degree unauthorized
use of a motor vehicle.
All three were arraigned in Colonie Town Court. Oglesby was
sent to Albany County jail without bail; Copes was sent to the
same jail in lieu of $2,500 bail, and Dixon was released on an
appearance ticket.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Melissa
Re: More than one HOME link
Dear Webby
I have to check a bunch of sites every morning, and need
something as quick as the HOME button on the browser.
I know, I can add a few links below the address bar, but I
need a lot more than that. Also, I need that list of sites available
on more than one machine, at different locations.
What solution do you recommend?
Thanks
Melissa
Dear Melissa
Just make a simple web page. For $2 a month you can get a
subdomain, for example http://melissa.dawna.com
Once you have a site, you can do anything.
Just make a simple menu page like you see at
http://showbird.com
That's just a domain I want to sell, but I doubt, that anybody
can afford it before the next election. So I am just using it
to hold links to interesting bird and plane sites.
HTML is as easy as falling into bed.
To make a link like the ones you see there,
for example to the Aircraft Ballet at Night at http://tinyurl.com/airnight
you type: (without the dot after the "<" )
<.a href="http://tinyurl.com/airnight">Aircraft Ballet At Night<./a>
The result, once you have remembered to delete the periods,
looks like this in any browser:
Aircraft Ballet At Night
Simple enough?
Dragging your page up to your $2 domain is as easy as dragging
it to a different folder.
Adding extra text to or after the links is simple. You just type it.
<.BR> makes a line break. All of HTML is just as simple as that.
And if you have anything really tricky to do, ask.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on
the college notice board at the beginning of each
semester. One read: "Introduction to Psychology, $8,
never used." The card was signed, "Must sell."
The next day a note had been added: "Good price.
Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed,
"Prospective buyer."
Below in a different hand was: "Positive!"
Signed,
"Professor who graded his exam."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar
Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an
automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless
you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to
soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime
rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Here is a good ol classic!
Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After
arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two
holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water.
After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens
of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite.
Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?"
Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro asks, "What did you say?"
Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro again asks, "What?"
Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the
worms warm!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
R E S U M E B O O - B O O S
"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer
science, curses in accounting."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest
chain store."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not
appropriate for business."
"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining
composer."
Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to
hear from you shorty!"
2011 STOL competition
Best total takeoff and landing distance was a mere 78 feet.
That’s 43 feet for the takeoff and 35 feet for the landing.
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Sunday, November 20, 2011, 07:44 PM -
Posted by Administrator
A man was out taking a walk, when he came upon a beautiful,
large house in a classy neighborhood.
Suddenly, he was shocked to see a nude couple making love
out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple behind some
bushes near the house, and another couple behind a tree.
He walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. When an
attractive, well dressed woman answered the door, he asked
what kind of place this was.
"This is a bordello," the Madam replied.
"Well then, what's all this out on the lawn?" he asked.
"Oh, we're having a yard sale today!" she explained.
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Sunday, November 20, 2011, 10:55 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 20
It was -20 and we had a very nasty wind from the East. So,
since I got a check for $20 for the banner ads, so I decided
to do my daily walk inside at Costco and get some groceries.
I sure do like the way they have their sample stations set up
about every 1/8 to 1/4 mile. It's not the fastest way to shop,
but sure is fun!
Afterwards I was treated to an orange sun just above the
horizon, flanked by beautiful sun dogs and topped by a tall
lance. You only get that, when it's really cold and there
are lots of long ice crystals in the air.
This is how sun dogs look like. Sometimes they have more
of a rainbow effect to them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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please donate what you can! |
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"Chance only favors a prepared mind"
--- Louis Pasteur
People try to rain on your parade,
because they have no parade of their own.
--- Jeffrey Gitomer
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful.
One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy
what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury
that acts up once in a while."
Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on
the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I kicked the TV and broke
my leg."
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he
had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what
he should do next.
His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and
on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the
next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to
see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was
a complete disaster."
His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?"
And the young man said, "Oh, she came over,
but she can't cook either."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Marlene Annette Culver, 28 in Gainesville, FL
Incomplete 911 call leads to arrest on drug, weapons charges
Alachua County sheriff’s deputies who were responding to an
incomplete 911 call Sunday reported finding more than 1 pound
of marijuana and two guns in the caller’s home.
Marlene Annette Culver, 28, was arrested on charges that
included possessing marijuana with the intent to sell and
possessing an altered firearm.
In addition to the marijuana, sheriff’s deputies reported
finding a 9mm Ruger handgun, a 9mm Luger “Tec-9” with
an altered serial number, a digital scale, an electronic bill
counter, a grinder and baggies in Culver’s home.
Deputies responded to her Northwest 55th Terrace home
at around 9 p.m.
A female caller to 911 provided the address of the home
and said she had been hit in the face by her boyfriend.
She then disconnected, and called back to say that
everything was OK but refused to stay on the line, the
Sheriff’s Office reported.
Culver met arriving deputies in the yard, saying she was
not the caller or the homeowner but that everything was
OK and deputies could leave.
She attempted to interfere with the sweep by actively
resisting and was taken into custody, the Sheriff’s Office
reported.
She later acknowledged she was the homeowner and
that there had been an argument with family members
that had resulted in her dialing 911, the Sheriff’s Office
reported.
Culver, who was convicted in 2009 of possessing more
than 20 grams of marijuana, was arrested and booked
into the Alachua County jail.
Tech Support Pits:
From: JJS
Re: FireFox Crashes
Dear JJS
How is your FireFox battle coming along?
Are you using RoboForm?
I just came across this:
You need the latest version of Roboform (7.6.2 or newer)
from http://www.roboform.com/download
Using an older version may cause Firefox 8 to crash on startup.
Have FUN!
Hello Webby.
I followed the instructions on your last E mail ,got to a folder
with all error messages sent and the somehow got to a live
chat room for firefox help but no one was on line at the time.
So gave it up for a while. Then, received your latest E mail
( below) that I am replying to now. Yes , I do use RoboForm
that I learned about from your news letters and am very
pleased with it. ( the free version) The version I had installed
was 7.5.5 . I upgraded to the latest ,7.6.3 .and guess what ?
You hit it right on the head. Firefox came up and is working
perfectly. I did not even have to uninstall and reinstall. You
sure do have your stuff together and I do appreciate your help.
Please feel free to use this E mail in your news letter and edit
it as you see fit if you want to .
JJS
AD #2
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On a vacation in Texas Mike exhibited the exuberance of a
tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers.
When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size.
"Wow," he exclaimed, "everything really IS bigger in Texas!"
As he lifted the burger off the plate, his eyes met the cold
stare of the 300-pound waitress and the 5 gallon water pitcher
she carried..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Scuffs on Linoleum Floors
Clean rubber heel marks from kitchen linoleum with a moist
cloth dabbed in floor wax. The marks come up and don't
leave a dull spot.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans
and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan,
'Come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct
airline.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan,
"Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct
credit card company with no difficulty.
"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?"
And John answered, "Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for
an extraction.
"$85 for an extraction sir" was the dentist's reply.
"Och, huv ye no' got anything cheaper? ! " replies the Scotsman,
getting agitated.
"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir",
said the dentist.
"What about if you didnae use any anaesthetic? ", asked the
Scotsman hopefully.
"Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I
suppose I can do it for $70", said the dentist.
"Hmmmm, what about if you used one of your dentist trainees
and still without anaesthetic? " said the Scotsman,
"Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't
guarantee their level of professionalism and it'll be a lot
more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the
price down to say $40", said the dentist.
"Och that's still a bit much, how about if you make it a
training session and have your student do the extraction
and the other students watching and learning? " said
the Scotsman hopefully.
"Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose,
I'll charge you only $5 in that case", said the dentist.
"Wonderful, it's a deal! " said the Scotsman. . .
"Can you book the wife in for next Tuesday?
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Saturday, November 19, 2011, 05:58 PM -
Posted by Administrator
I wouldn't say he's stupid, but..
- He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.
- He has an intellect that is rivaled only by eggplants.
- We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every morning.
- He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.
- He sure makes my dog look smart!
- He studied all weekend for a urine test.
- He can't convert 0 feet to meters.
- He was supposed to try out for a part in 'Dumb and Dumber' but forgot to show up.
- He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really will cause hair to grow!!
- When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she was.
- But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.
- He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Shit, I'm bricked in!"
- He stole a free cookie!
- He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number twice!
- It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".
- After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
- He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.
- When his mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the butter outdoors!
- I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.
- When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.
- When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the line.
- But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.
- He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.
- If he had one more IQ he'd be a potted plant.
- He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for indecent exposure.
- Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God, asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.
- He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.
- He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock.
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Which font is best for the browser?
Saturday, November 19, 2011, 10:40 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 19
Remember that yellow mystery tree a coupleof months ago,
tht nobody could identify?
Sandie did. It is a "Kibra Hacha".
In case you forgot about it, here is the picture again:
Click through the picture for the large version.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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please donate what you can! |
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Nobody is perfect unless you are in love with them.
Nobody is totally imperfect,
unless you used to be in love with them
--- Socratex
A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box
with holes punched in the top.
"What's in that box?" a neighbor asks.
"A cat," the woman says.
"What for?"
"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared.
The cat is to catch them."
"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her
neighbor says.
The woman turns to her friend and whispers, "So is the cat.
I couldn't afford thecat foodand the vet bills for a real one."
One finds the most romantic people at home improvement
centers. My son was helping a couple purchase a new door
for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the
stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife
in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which
one of these door you can fit through!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Click through for the large version.
Ibis. Maybe something disturbed the ants and they spotted them?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Jeffrey Scott, 32,
(The "black eye" is mascara, that she applied pre-arrest,
just in case the cops didn't hurt real good.)
Occupier burglared furniture
The 32-year-old “Occupy Pensacola” protester was arrested
yesterday on felony burglary and larceny charges for
robbing a neighbor’s home of furniture, that he used at the
protest group’s encampment outside City Hall.
Scott was nabbed shortly after victim Ned English called
police to report the theft of a couch, a recliner, four wicker
chairs, and four couch cushions from his home, according
to an Escambia County Sheriff’s Office report.
The deputies had already noticed those items at the
protest group’s encampment outside City Hall.
When questioned by a deputy, Scott stated, “Yes, I took
the furniture. I was going to give it back some day, but
haven’t gotten around to it.” Scott, investigators noted,
admitted entering English’s home through a rear window,
taking the furniture, and using some of the stolen items.”
Scott, pictured in the above mug shot, is being held in lieu
of $20,000 bond in the county jail. Arrest records list the
Virginia native's occupation as "nutritional aid."
---------
His buddy, the "Praying Occupier", whose arrest has been
featured on countless blogs, turned out to be the nut, who was
arrested in Indiana last month for laying face up on a blanket
“with his entire genitals showing.” With him officers had found
the book “Gay Power,” a “Kroger bottle of extra virgin olive oil,”
two cans of Miller beer, and Marlboro cigarettes. He is wanted
for jumping bail and failing to appear in court.
Do these people think the Bonehead Awards are a dating site?
Tech Support Pits:
From: Minka
Re: Browser Font
Dear Webby,
I noticed that you can set the fonts in the browser.
What is the best fon?
Minka
Dear Minka
That depends on what you use your browser for.
If you are just shopping, researching, goofing around, etc,
then Arial is a good font.
If you have a small monitor but good eyes, then you can use
Tunga. With that you can zoom down smaller than with Arial
and still have good, readable text.
If you use the broser to test and check your own work, set it
to Comix or something silly like that. It will show you instantly,
if you forgot to specify any particular font in your work.
That happens to everybody, me included. You might want to
turn off a font color, but go a step too far and also turn of the
font face setting. An obviously goofy font will make that
very visible.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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Thanks to Alf for this one:
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine
cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress
warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife
asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the eggs
home.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Water Plants With Leftover Tea
Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or
outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened
tea only.
By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when
Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was
an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.
I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout
and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't
even believe there's a Hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two
of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
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How to make High Contrast Links
Friday, November 18, 2011, 10:27 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 18
Time to wear a bit of red
to show your support for the troops!
It's not really snowing right here, but fine drift snow
from elsewhwere is settling here. Temperature is -14
right now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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"What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would
be a good idea."
--- Mahatma Ghandi
There are people who,
instead of listening to what is being said to them,
are already listening to what they are going to say
themselves.
--- Albert Guinon
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always
catching large fish.
One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he
got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving
birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor
used his fishing scales.
The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.
Have you ever noticed that good jokes always come back to
you ? This one came back via Kristine:
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception
room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which
bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall
boy with the same name had been in my high school class
some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I
quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face
was too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had
attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1957."
"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked,
"What did you teach?"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click through for the large version.
Where-Is-The-Washroom?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Kevin Daly, 22,
Man Wearing “I'm Not An Alcoholic” T-Shirt Arrested
for Drunk Driving
A New York motorist wearing an “I'm Not An Alcoholic,
I'm A Drunk” t-shirt was arrested early today for drunk driving
after he crashed into a police car.
Kevin Daly, 22, was nabbed after plowing his 2000 Saturn into
a police vehicle on County Road 83 in Suffolk County. A cop in
the cruiser was not seriously injured in the 1:45 AM crash.
Daly, pictured in the mug shot on top, is not the first drunk
driver to get a bonehead award for wearing the “I’m Not An Alcoholic”
message t-shirt while driving drunk.
In mid-2007, Amanda Lynn Bailey, 41, got a Bonehead Award for
getting busted for DUI by Florida cops wearing the same distinctive
black garment.
Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann
Re: Make links more visible
Dear Webby,
My links are showing OK, except in the header, which is the
same color as my regular links, or nearly so. What can I do to
remedy that?
Thanks
Ann
Dear Ann
Since you want to change that ONLY in the header, nowhere else
on your pages, just change the link background with a style:
<. a href="/books/" style="background-color:yellow";>Books<./a>
(Leave out the periods after the Smaller Than sign. They are just
to make sure some email programs don't act on the code instead
of politely showing it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor
announced that their prison quartet would be singing the
following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the
vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the
church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced
them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and
always looking for the key."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Water Plants With Leftover Tea
Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or
outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened
tea only.
By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any
strategic or tactical problem.
They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a
difficult tactical problem into it.
They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the
pivotal question: attack or retreat?
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer:
YES.
The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of
them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?
Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A young man took a farm girl into town for a date at a fancy
restaurant. While studying the menu she asked, "What's filet
mignon?"
Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver.
Why?"
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Thursday, November 17, 2011, 10:21 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 17
We had some snow this morning, that actually looked more
like hail, but was soft. Even though it did not warm up above
freezing, and the sund did not come through the clouds,
by mid afternoon the cold, but very dry wind had evaporated
it all. If ithad been the sun, it would have remained in the
shade, but since it was the wind, it was gone completely.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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"Consider how hard it is to change yourself
and you'll understand what little chance you have
in trying to change others."
--- Jacob M. Braude
"Stubborness does have its helpful features.
You always know what you are going to be
thinking tomorrow."
--- Glen Beaman
There's always somebody who is paid too much,
and taxed too little -
and it's always somebody else.
--- Cullen Hightower
"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor
questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a
grudge?"
"No," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "We have a carport."
The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always
first out of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go
in for unnatural connubial practices?"
"Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows
anything about the connubial."
Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to
find out are what grounds you have."
"Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box,
let alone grounds."
"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable
exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider.
What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man
can't hold an intelligent conversation.
A woman goes to the police station to report that her
husband was missing.
"Can you give me a description of him?" asked the
officer.
"He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears
dentures," answered the woman. "Come to think of it,
most of him was missing before he was...."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32
Drunk again and out of control
A Tennessee woman who said she wanted a relationship
and did not want to be just “a booty call”--allegedly stabbed
a male suitor Tuesday night after he became irate when
she put the brakes on his attempts to “touch her suggestively,”
police report.
By the way, the two are first cousins.
Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32, were arrested and
charged with aggravated domestic assault following a brawl in
Brooks’s home in Rogersville. The combatants are pictured
in the above mug shots.
Wilson told a sheriff’s deputy that she and Brooks had “gotten
into an argument about the status” of their relationship. It was
during the argument, Wilson reported, that Brooks “began to
touch her suggestively and stated that ‘he wanted her.’” In
response, Wilson told her cousin that she “wanted a relationship
and did not want to be 'A Booty Call,'” according to a Hawkins
County Sheriff’s Office report.
The latter comment allegedly infuriated Brooks, who began
cursing at Wilson, and then allegedly knocked her to the kitchen
floor with a flurry of punches. Fighting back, Wilson grabbed a
pair of scissors and slashed away at her cousin’s face, neck,
arms, and back.
An investigator noted that Wilson and Brooks, who smelled of
booze, admitted to consuming significant amounts of Everclear
grain alcohol. Since a “primary aggressor” could not be determined,
both cousins were arrested.
Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after
posting $4000 bond. Her cousin remains locked up in the county
jail in lieu of $4000 bond. Both are set to be arraigned in Sessions
Court later this month.
Tech Support Pits:
From Kristine
Re: Invisible links
Dear Webby,
I finally realized that not having a web page is worse than
not being in the phone book, it's like having no phone.
Making a business card style page was no big deal, I just
saved my resume as HTML and uploaded it. That was so easy
that my dumb sister's chihuahua could have done it.
I made a bunch more pages and now I want some invisible
links to those from the front entrance page, some links that
only work if somebody has been told where they are hidden
and wipes their mouse over them to see them.
I know the colors for the background, text and links are set
in the line, but that is for the entire page. If I
set the link color to the page color, then ALL the links
become invisible.
How do I get around that?
Kristine
Dear Kristine
use a paint program and capture a little block or bar of
page background. Save that as link.gif.
Then use that picture instead of the link text. For example:
(Delete the periods after the "<", that is just so that the example
code shows instead of it being a command)
<.a href="page22.html"><.img src="link.gif" border="0"><./a>
And that's it. When you want to allow somebody to view
page 22, then you just tell them to wipe their mouse over
the spot where you got that little block hidden, and click
on it when it becomes visible.
If you know how to make pictures with transparent
background, then you can make one with writing in
page background color on transparent background, and
even spell out the name of the link. The writing will be
invisible until you wipe a mouse over that spot on the page,
but it will become visible then, because the selecting inverts
the colors.
You COULD accomplish the same with styles and a whole bunch
of code, but why bother, when you can fake it with a tiny picture?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from
a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband."
"Oh, everything went wrong:
First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish.
Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I
was reeling in too soon.
"All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters
worse, I ended up being the only one, who caught any fish!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cardboard Fabric Liners For Storage
Use the inner cardboard liners from bolts of fabrics to
store your fabric. Stores will give them to you if you ask.
Cut them in half and use them to wrap individual yardages
around and store, upright, in those legal-sized cardboard
boxes you get from office supply stores. You have only to
glance at the top of the box to see what fabric you have in
storage and each piece of fabric is the same size and
standing straight up in the box.
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum
cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of
intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home
and practice his pitch on his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked the
beginner how he did.
"Well," the man said, "I did what you said, and after I
finished, I asked my wife if she would buy the vacuum
cleaner from me.
She said, 'Yes.'
Then I asked her, 'Why?' and she said,
'I know it is a piece of junk, but I'll buy it because I love you'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The Old Gas Station
The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car --
Just like three gals before.
She missed the foot log -- jumped the stream,
The owner gave a shout,
As her pantyhose, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.
She tripped and fell -- got up,
and then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set,
And then the devilish guy
Would stop his whittling long enough
To speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole?
We're painting under here."
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Wednesday, November 16, 2011, 12:22 PM
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 16
On today's walk I sure would have appreciated a bit of
Gullible Warming. Walking against an icy wind coming
up from Montana was not comfortable at all. I was seriously
considering checking into the cost of one of those ski masks
worn by bank robbers.
What is funny, I spent 30 years in the arctic, rode a few
thousand miles on dog sleds, but never wore one of those
face masks.
Maybe I should again stop trimming my beard and mustache?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow
why the things he predicted yesterday
didn't happen today.
--- Laurence J. Peter
Thanks to Sandie for sending this:
Dearest Redneck Daughter,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad
read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within
20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to
send you the address because the last family that lived
here took the house numbers when they moved so they
wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.
I'm not too sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and
pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last
week; the first time for three days and the second
time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle
Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the
mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We
were really worried and hot because it took him two
hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't
found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an
aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off
and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for
three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup
truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window
and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in
the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much
out of the normal has happened.
Your
Favorite Aunt, Mom
Thanks to Lillemor for this story:
A balding, white haired man from Ft. Lauderdale in Florida ,
walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a
beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his
girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought
out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock
and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at
only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and
her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing
this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man
stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is
good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to
verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man
and said 'There's no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
Click through for the large version.
Tenerife
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Ashley Sedalia Haithcock, 26 in Salisbury, NC
Drunk again and out of control
ROCKWELL — An intoxicated China Grove woman broke into a
Rockwell home Friday night, raided a cookie jar and fell
asleep in the homeowner’s bed, authorities say.
A Rowan County Sheriff’s Office report said Martha Birtch
called the authorities when she found 26-year-old Ashley
Sedalia Haithcock in her bed at 2005 Green Field Lane at
about 10 p.m.
The report said Birtch noticed the sliding glass door was
open and a cookie jar inside the home was broken.
When Birtch walked inside, she heard a woman’s voice and
found Haithcock in her bed, under the covers.
Haithcock, 328 Maple Ridge Circle, had gone missing about
7:30 p.m. when her grandfather Arnold called 911.
Arnold told officers that Haithcock had been staying with
him for the weekend, but got upset Friday night when he
prohibited her from drinking.
Arnold said he found her drinking wine in the home and said
she has a drinking problem, the report said.
Authorities said Haithcock disappeared from the 104 Sage Lane
home after becoming upset with her grandfather.
Deputies could not find the woman and calls to her cell phone
went unanswered.
As officers traveled to the Birtches’ residence to take Haithcock
into custody, the woman became aggressive and began arguing
with Birtch and her daughter.The report said Birtch’s daughter
was assaulted by Haithcock in the incident.
After being taken into custody, Haithcock continued being
uncooperative, the report said, and kicked three deputies as
they attempted to speak with her.
She was charged with misdemeanor breaking and entering,
misdemeanor simple assault, misdemeanor assault on a law
enforcement officer and misdemeanor injury to personal property.
Haithcock was given a $10,000 bond and was in jail on Monday.
Tech Support Pits:
From Gerry
Re: Phoney PayPal mails
Dear Webby
I know you mentioned phoney PayPal letters a few times,
but I never paid attention because then I didn't have a
paypal account. Now I do and today I got an email that
looks like it is from Paypal and that asks me to verify details
about my account. But it was sent to my other address,
not the one I use for PayPal.
What's the proper procedure?
Gerry
Dear Gerry
PayPal NEVER asks you to submit any information via email.
NEVER click on any links in mails pretending to be from PayPal.
If you have MailWasher, then you can see in the preview
details that underneath what looks like a link to PayPal, the
link actually goes to some number domain.
With some email programs you can see those numbers in
the status line when you hover the mouse over the link.
Real PayPal mail never has links except to
https://www.paypal.com
They just tell you to log in normally and go to this or that
department.
If you get phoney PayPal mails, expose the header and
forward the mail to spoof@paypal.com
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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An elderly Italian man asked the local priest to hear his
confession.
"Father, during World War II a beautiful woman knocked on
my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid
her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did,
my son, and you have no need to confess."
"It's worse, Father. I was weak and told her she must repay
me with her sexual favours."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered
terribly if the Germans had found her. Heaven, in its wisdom
and mercy, will balance the good and evil, and judge you
kindly. You are forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I
have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cut Triangle in Foil Seal on Coffee Cans
I have found that coffee cans now have a foil seal under
the lid. If you cut a triangle in the foil from the middle to
the outside, the coffee grounds don't spill all over when
you pour them. Don't cut the triangle too wide.
By Vi from Mobridge, SD
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to David for this one:
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned
surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get
the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember,
if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ...
your mother is going to come and live with you and your
wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and
wrinkled and bald and forgetful, they don't recognize you.
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Stop FireFox from restoring a bad set of tabs
Tuesday, November 15, 2011, 10:10 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 15
Interesting tidbit from the news:
"Harvard protesters set up their tent city a week after a
student walkout of Economics 10, an undergraduate
course taught by Professor Gregory Mankiw, a former
presidential economic adviser."
Apparenty the kids, who know and understand it all,
didn't like getting hit with the truth by somebody,
who had worked all his life, and probably was a
Dirty Capitalist Pig, just like their parents.
It seems to be a tradition, that teens firmly believe that
their parents are not clued in and don't know anything.
Actually, I have seen even pre-teens show that kind
of behavior and announcing during a temper tantrum,
that they will stay at the candy counter until they get
what they want.
Last time I observed that, I asked the mother if she had
behaved like that too, when she was a silly little brat.
She admitted, that she did, once. So I asked her what
happend. "My Ma whaled the tar outa me, and when I
screamed like a stuck pig, everybody in the store laughed,
and some guy offered his gloves to my Ma."
I did have a glove, that I had picked up on the path and stuck
onto a fence post for three days, and adopted, when nobody
claimed it, in my jacket. It was a big, heavy work glove.
When I handed it to the mother, the silly brat got the hint
and got really quiet, really suddenly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Happiness is nothing more than good health
and a bad memory.
---- Albert Schweitzer
Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
--- Benjamin Franklin
I never did give them hell. I just told the truth,
and they thought it was hell.
--- Harry S Truman
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop
where two guys are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two guys just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first guy turns to the second and says,
"Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages,
and it didn't do him any good."
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids.
Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure
them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.
When I stopped to visit a friend, I found her on the phone
with a real-estate agent. "That's a little high!" she e
xclaimed. "What can I get for less than $500 a month?" The
reply was evidently not to my friend's liking. "I see," she
said abruptly, and hung up.
"What did the agent say you could get?" I asked.
"An old mini-van."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Jacob James Winston, 28
Man unhappy with pizza starts fire
NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- Nashville police say a man apparently
upset over his pizza threw a beer bottle with flammable liquid
into the restaurant.
Officers said in a news release Monday that it ignited a small
fire Sunday night that was quickly extinguished by employees.
Police said three employees chased 28-year-old Jacob James
Winston a few blocks and subdued him until officers arrived.
He was injured in the scuffle and taken to a hospital where he
was listed in stable condition.
Police said he would face aggravated arson and other charges
in the case after his release. They said he has 32 prior arrests
since 2006 on various charges.
Tech Support Pits:
From JJS
Re: FireFox restores to crashing
Dear Webby
Was having trouble opening Internet explorer and could not
open Firefox . Called my Internet provider and they had me
reset IE thru the control panel ( Internet options ) and IE
works fine now but still cannot open Firefox. When try to
open get a message that says it has crashed. Searching
the net tells me to open Firefox and then go to help and
run it in safe mode to reset. It will not stay open to click
on help. Any suggestions ?? Have uninstalled and
reinstalled firefox more than once with no help. Have a
desktop and two laptops. Laptops work fine but desk top
is the problem. Desktop is Win XP and laptops are Win 7 .
Thanks and always look forward to your news letters.
Hope your health is improving !
JJS
Dear JJS
Sounds like some virus does not want you to browse and
download any anti-virus stuff, that could kill it.
Get ready to paste
about:config
into the address bar,
open Firefox and immediately paste that into the address
bar and hit ENTER
Ignore the goofy warning about voiding the warranty.
That is an old April Fools Joke.
You will see another address bar lower down, called FILTER.
Paste into that one:
browser.sessionstore.resume_from_crash
It will show
browser.sessionstore.resume_from_crash default boolean true
Doubleclick on the true to make it toggle to false
That will change the default from restoring the previously
open tabs to making a clean start.
If you have multiple users, you should use that method
anyway, to prevent other people from automatically
restoring into YOUR signed in Gmail session, if you
wander off during a power failure, and they get to the
computer before you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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My cousin owns a business in Miami, a furniture store.
I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to
visit a manufacturer and check out the merchandise himself.
And maybe he could meet an available young Italian women.
As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance
with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he
only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke.
So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of
a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride
in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a
restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went
to dinner.
After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted.
They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and
had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she
motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster
bed.
He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been
able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture
business.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cut Triangle in Foil Seal on Coffee Cans
I have found that coffee cans now have a foil seal under
the lid. If you cut a triangle in the foil from the middle to
the outside, the coffee grounds don't spill all over when
you pour them. Don't cut the triangle too wide.
By Vi from Mobridge, SD
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
NEWS FLASH!
- Dubuque, Iowa -
Iowa's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater
Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two local Iowa college students,
crashed into a cemetery earlier today in Dubuque.
Dubuque search and rescue workers have recovered 300
bodies so far, most of them dead, and expect the number to
climb as digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and co-pilot survived and are helping in the recov-
ery efforts.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the
trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking
a beer and talking about the current cattle prices. Suddenly
a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough and choke.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the cowboys looks at her and says,
"Kin ya swaller?"
The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.
The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts
up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties and slowly
runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small
of her back.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm
and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins
to breathe normally again, the cowboy walks slowly back
to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there
Hind Lick maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do
it before!
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Search Engine Optimizing: Truth or tricks
Monday, November 14, 2011, 12:38 PM
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 14
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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please donate what you can! |
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"It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can
keep the earth after they inherit it."
--- Kin Hubbard
"Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference
between having an open mind and having holes in one's head?"
--- Richard Schultz
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art
exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary
painting caught her eye.
"What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?"
He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed
to be a mother and her child."
"Well then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids.
Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure
them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.
The cowboy walked into the tack shop. "How much for a pair
of spurs?" he asked the sales clerk.
"Forty dollars."
The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment, then
pulled out a twenty. "I'll take one spur."
"What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked.
The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the
horse movin', the other side'll go too."
Thanks to Ralph for this picture:
Click through for the large version.
We were with an Airstream group that camped on site for 3 days.
Being the wind drove the schedule more than the clock we often
saw various events before & after the park was open to the
general public. It was a wonderful display, I have hundreds of
pictures, it is hard to pick favourites. "The bees" balloons are a
set of three and they try to launch simultaneously. The Cow balloon
took a team of about 10 to get it inflated and airborne. Just amazing.
Ralph
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Ryan McKenzie, 45, in Broward, FL on stretcher
police "boat" in the background
Man jumps into New River in failed bid to flee authorities
The New River once again Wednesday proved a near-deadly
draw for a desperate defendant.
Ryan McKenzie, 45, who was in a crowded courtroom for a
hearing on previous drug charges, overheard a Border Patrol
agent asking about him.
Not in custody, the Hollywood man slipped from the room, dashed
out of the courthouse and jumped into the New River in an attempt
to escape.
The move nearly cost him his life. He "appeared in distress and
possibly was going to drown," Fort Lauderdale police spokesman
Detective Travis Mandell said.
"He was able to swim across the river, but then couldn't get out
and was showing signs of distress," Mandell said.
Police boats and Broward sheriff's deputies arrived. Police
officer Rick Rhodes jumped in the water and attached ropes
on McKenzie, to winch him onto one of the boats and to safety.
He was taken to the hospital for evaluation and is expected
to be released into the custody of the Border Patrol.
"He's lucky it ended up the way it did," BSO spokeswoman
Dani Moschella said.
It wasn't the first time the New River, which flows behind the
downtown courthouse, has beckoned criminal defendants with the
promise of an easy escape. Most of them drowned.
Tech Support Pits:
From Rosa
Re: Search engine Optimizing
Dear Webby
My dad's consultant told me that all these Search Engine
Optimizers are just con artists who can't make a living with
their own web sites, so they are spamming and trying to
con money out of people who make money on the web.
However, some of those SEOs sound very convincing.
I notice that your Mypostcards.com has been at the top
of Google for many years and you don't buy ad words and
you don't even use meta tags.
What's the real scoop?
Rosa
Dear Rosa
Your dad's consultant is very wise.
You have to understand that the search engines are not in
business to please a bunch of tricksters, but to deliver the
content that people are looking for. When you are looking
for flower seeds, you want to be shown companies that sell
flower seeds, not a bunch of flakey casinos or dating sites.
Becaue the search engines are trying hard to deliver the
searched for content, they work very hard to defeat the
tricksters and keep changing the rules to stay ahead of
cheaters.
People who spend big money on ad words will often
temporarily rise to the top, but usually just very briefly.
Don't worry about them. Just focus on having the content
that you promise, and you'll stick around near the top.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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Two ladies were on their daily exercise stroll.
They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as
one gets older.One of the woman complained that she
remained in a 'pear-shape' no matter what she did, and
the other said that no matter how much she exercised,
there was too much poundage on her backside and
thighs. It almost seemed like it was there to stay.
Her buddy agreed, saying, "It's true.
It eve says so i the bible!
The lard works in mysterious ways."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Preventing Wax Residue in Candle Holders
I used to have the kindest neighbor who I would visit often.
She always had everything decorated so nicely, and she
always had candles burning. She told me that she put a
little bit of water in the bottom of the glass votive before
putting her candle in to prevent the wax from sticking to
glass votive and she was right!
Source: My older kind neighbor
By Beth from Fairfield, PA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A father from Europe is visiting his son in America for the
very first time. They are at the local supermarket going up
and down the aisles.
Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?"
Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh
orange juice!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says:
"Und vas dis, powdered milk?"
Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh milk!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says:
"Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! Dey take da
fun outta everyting!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
How come when you mix water and flour together,
you get glue...
and then you add eggs and sugar... and you get cake?
Where did the glue go?
NEED AN ANSWER?
You know darned well where it went!
The glue is what makes the cake...
stick to your hips!
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Sunday, November 13, 2011, 07:24 PM -
,
Posted by Administrator
"It's the little things in life that make us happy.
Like watching
a child on a swing.
Listening to birds in the trees.
Seeing an
Occupier get French-kissed by an air hammer."
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View animations in Outlook
Sunday, November 13, 2011, 11:59 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 13
One subscriber considered the term Flea-Bagger to be
"repulsive". Well, it was not me, who coined it, and it is
not going to go away in our lifetime.
Yes, quite likely, to parents and grandparents of the
"Urban Protest Outdoors Residents", the term may
be less flattering, than they would prefer.
Obama and the Marxists have been quick to label
the Tea Party members as Tea-Baggers, so naturally
the members of the media have been eager to show off
the quick wits, that they sharpened in countless years
in college, and labelled the opposite end of the spectrum,
the "Urban Protest Outdoors Residents", as Flea-Baggers.
I don't think they meant to refer to the smell of the sidewalk
denizens, but just wanted to show off their ability, to make
a simple pun.
Just like nobody is going to stop using the term "Tea-Bagger",
don't expect the term "Flea-Bagger" to disappear.
It is part of the language now.
The term OWS has not caught on, even with the people
involved. "Are you going tatea-baggerilgating at the arena?"
Nah, we promised to go flea-bagging on Main Street."
Have YOU heard anybody say, they are going "OWS'ing
on Main Street" ? Not likely. That's just not cool.
Just to add to the confusion, one reader reported that some
Marxists are trying to twist the name Tea-Bagger to a very
obscure and obsolete use of the word, not at all related to
the Tea Party or their aganeda. Apparently, if the Marxists
had their way, the term tea-bagger would become a dirty word,
and they are frantically slobbering all kinds of posts about
that onto the Internet.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
--- Thomas A. Edison
By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third
by experience, which is the bitterest. "
--- Confucius
Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking
really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what
the problem was. Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and
Clothile done had our first fight last night."
Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a fight
about?"
Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope."
Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows
dat Clothile is Catholic."
Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know de Pope
was too."
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids.
Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure
them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.
Thanks to Bob for this one:
After you've been with someone for awhile, you wind up with
your own way of communicating. For example, the other day
Mary hollered at me, "What are you looking for in that closet?"
"Nothing," I hollered back.
"Well," she shouted, "it's not in there. Look under the bed!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Click through for the large version.
Monarch on ButterflyWeed
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Serena Ann Thomas, 30
Mom hid crystal meth in daughter's diaper bag
CLEARWATER — She kept crystal meth in her 3-year-old daughter's
diaper bag, police said.
Serena Ann Thomas, 30, of Clearwater was pulled over by police at
8:27 p.m. Saturday on suspicion of driving under the influence,
according to an arrest report. With her in the white 2007 Chevrolet
Impala were her 3-year-old daughter and Jamie Marie Davie, 26, of
Clearwater.
After Thomas consented, a Clearwater police officer searched
the car. In the girl's diaper bag, the officer found two bags
containing about one gram each of an off-white substance
that looked like and tested positive for crystal methamphetamine,
according to the report. The officer also found two pipes.
Thomas was arrested and faces a charge of possession of
crystal meth.
Davie faces a charge of possession of oxycodone, a
prescription painkiller.
Tech Support Pits:
From Michael
Re: Outlook and Animated pictures
Dear Webby,
I had the same problem with animated GIFs in Outlook 2007
and 2010 -- they would not move. The solution is essentially
the same as your solution: view the message in a browser.
First double click on the message to open it into its own
window, then from “Actions” on the Ribbon, choose
“Other Actions”, then “View in Browser”.
I know you don’t like Outlook, but some of us are required
to use it by our employers. It took me 3 years to find this
solution; if you publish this, hopefully it will help some others
who are less tenacious.
Aloha,
-mkr
Dear Michael
If the animation is in email, instead of a folder, then most
email programs have the option to view it in your browser.
That goes back to the days when Eudora and Pegasus were
the only email programs, and Netscape the only browser.
In Eudora, for example, you right-click anywhere in the
message, and hit S to Send to browser.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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I got a really funny spam today:
"Subject: no more lying in applications -
buy a degree from an accredited university here.
There are no required tests, classes, books, or interviews!
Get a Bachelors, Masters, MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Preventing Wax Residue in Candle Holders
I used to have the kindest neighbor who I would visit often.
She always had everything decorated so nicely, and she
always had candles burning. She told me that she put a
little bit of water in the bottom of the glass votive before
putting her candle in to prevent the wax from sticking to
glass votive and she was right!
Source: My older kind neighbor
By Beth from Fairfield, PA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man who suffered from impotence went to see a doctor.
The doctor gave him a revolutionary new injection made
from monkey glands, which worked perfectly.
Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby.
When the nurse came out of the delivery room with the
news, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
"We won't know until your kid comes down off the
chandelier."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over
tea one day.
"I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes
me terribly nervous!" the first one said.
"Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman
commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick."
"What did you do?"
"I hid his teeth!"
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Friday, November 11, 2011, 03:58 PM -
Posted by Administrator
[Something to think about this November 24th]
Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her husband. "In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered. Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington.
Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its "unseemly violence" and the "bad example it sets for the rest of the world," Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting.
Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another Tofu Turkey. Even though it was the best type of Veggie Meat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat pie), it wasn't anything like real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name of "Thanksgiving Day" to "A National Day of Atonement" in 2020 to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims' historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.
Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats [which were monitored and controlled by the electric company] be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.
Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. "The RHC's resources are limited," explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. "Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I'm sorry for your loss."
Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines-for everyone but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.
Thankfully, Winston's brother, John, and his wife were flying in. Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added "inconvenience" was an "absolute necessity" in order to stay "one step ahead of the terrorists." Winston's own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for "unequal scrutiny," even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.
The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact. "A living Constitution is extremely flexible," said the Court's eldest member, Elena Kagan. " Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example," she added.
Winston's thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.
His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were "just around the corner," but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn't help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to "spur economic growth." This time they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.
Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life "fair for everyone" realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.
.....He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around2011, when all the real nonsense began. "Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just said, 'Enough is Enough', when we had the chance," he thought.
Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.
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Friday, November 11, 2011, 10:53 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
A Salut to all Veterans!
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss
will add it to your regular duties.
--- Doug Larson
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous,
the sensible man hardly anything.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to
dismantle the entire fixture. That's no small feat for a non
plumber!
Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which
belonged to my four-year-old son.
I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank
filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work any better than
before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into
the bathroom.
I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just rescued and told
him that the toilet still wasn't working.
"Did you get the green one, too"? he asked.
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids.
Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure
them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.
"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced
into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly
what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell
you."
"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds.
Second, you should use about one tenth as
much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist -
the doctor's office is on the next floor."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Amber Bush, 26, in Moulton,AL
Facebook Posts Lead to Arrest
Moulton, AL - Lawrence County Sheriff's Investigators say
some online detective work led them to a theft arrest this
week.
According to Sheriff Gene Mitchell, deputies were contacted
this week about a set of golf clubs that were lent to a
woman, and then never returned to the rightful owner.
The woman who allegedly had the clubs - 26 year old
Amber Bush - denied having them when investigators
spoke with her.
However, a short time later, deputies discovered Bush had
made several posts on Facebook, claiming she had the clubs
and had no intention of returning them. After questioning
her again, Bush reportedly confessed to the theft and was
arrested on Wednesday.
Even though she thought she was too cute for jail, she is
being held in the Lawrence County Jail on a $2500 bond
since Nov 9. So far, none of her friends and victims
has been in a hurry to lend her the required $250
(10% of the bond).
Tech Support Pits:
From Ralph
Re: Which drivers do I need?
Dear Webby,
I have an older Sony VAIO PC running XP, SP3 and I am finding
devices like my camera, usb memory card reader and an android
tablet will not connect to it.
Literature on the devices says it will connect with any usb port.
I have gone to the Sony esupport site for my computer to
downloaded the latest to no avail. I really think they stopped
supporting it some time ago judging by the dates on their files.
Where can I find the proper drivers for free? I always seem
to end up downloading a program that scans my computer but
then wants money and a lot of personal information before they
will say where the resources actually are.
How do I find out if my hardware / firmware will actually support
new drivers?
Thanks
Ralph
Dear Ralph
The drivers have to be from the peripheral device makers,
like the camera, card reader, etc.
However, if even a new card reader does not work, I would
seriously suspect your USB port to have a hardware or
connection problem.
I would check to see if the connector to the USB port has
come loose from the motherboard.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women
in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining.
The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible.
It´s too hot. It´s too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin´ ya all your days if you kiss the
Blarney Stone,"the guide said.
"Unfortunately, it´s being cleaned today and so no one will
be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We can´t be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted.
"We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we
can´t kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss
someone who has kissed the stone, you´ll have the same
good fortune."
"And I suppose you´ve kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma´am," the frustrated guide said, "but I´ve sat on it!!!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Saw from Sticking in Sappy Wood
A little kerosene and used crankcase oil dripped onto its
blade will keep a saw from sticking and binding as you
cut hedges and other sappy wood.
Source: Grandpa
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a
few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror
he sees a tree in the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there
is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and
discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course,
causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings
his car to a stop.
The officer, approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on
earth he was doing.
Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer
stops him mid sentence and says,
"Fer Chris sakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener! You'll be
walking for a year now. Git out!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Marilee for this story:
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the
bathroom. And wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
mess, he looked so adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a
few shots.
They came out so well that I included one with each of our
Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture,
laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover
that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the
mirror -wearing nothing but a
camera!
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Laser vs Inkjet reliability
Thursday, November 10, 2011, 09:15 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 10
Had to go to the hospital today for a check-up of my legs.
Apparently the combination of heart attacks and diabetes
are a cause for concern. So I took that as an excuse for
walking up to the hospital and back and enjoy the sunshine.
Black Diamond is in the valley and the hospital is up on
the high prairie.
I probably would have had an easier time when I was 18,
but I did manage without stopping.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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please donate what you can! |
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"In wilderness I sense the miracle of life, and
behind it our scientific accomplishments fade to trivia."
--- Charles A. Lindbergh
An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke
her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any
stairs.
Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.
"Yes," he replied.
"Thank goodness!" she said.
"I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that stupid
drainpipe!"
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids.
Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure
them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.
A Newfie came out West and sme friends took him along for
curling. As luck would have it, he won an Ice auger for ice
fishing. A lot of beer later, when they got kicked out of the
curling club, the Newfie wants to go ice fishing right then
and there.
It's about as foggy outside as it is in his head, after all
those beers, but his keen eyes spot some ice not far away.
Proudly carrying his nice, shiny, red auger, he stumbles
in that direction and decides that he'll give it a go.
He carefully takes the safety cover off the point.
You may think thasch easchy, but if you hol yourschelf upright
with the schilly Ische auger, every time you pull the plaschtik
thingamagig off the bottom point, you fffall down!
Musch easier if you doing while lying down.
Finally he starts drilling.
Suddenly, a loud voice booms out at him,
"There's no fish in here."
The Newfie looks all around him in the fog, but can't see
anyone. He decides to ignore the voice and carries on
drilling.
Again, the voice booms out, "I've told you, there's no fish
in here!"
He looks up again but there's still no sign of anyone so he
returns to his task.
"Stop it!" shouts the now very angry sounding voice,
"You'd better pack up your stuff and get out of here or
there'll be trouble."
"Who are you" shouts the drunk guy, "you don't scare me!"
There was a big, thundering roar and the the loud voice
again:
"I'm the manager of this hockey rink, and I'm starting up
the Zamboni!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Heather Haygood
Mom hid meth on 6 year old son
Decatur, AL - Decatur Police have arrested and charged a
woman with a series of drug crimes, including possession and
manufacturing, and chemical endangerment of a child.
Investigators say she hid meth on her own young son.
27 year old Heather Haygood was pulled over for a routine
traffic stop Thursday night near the intersection of Highway
31 and Deer Springs Road. During the course of the stop,
Decatur Police officers searched the car and found meth
on her 6 year old son. Officers also found chemicals used
in meth making inside the car.
Haygood is being held in the Decatur City Jail on $57,500 bond.
Tech Support Pits:
From Thomas
Re: Inkjet versus laser reliability
Dear Webby,
I know from some of your posts that you are in favor of
laser printers. My experience in offices with laser printers
seemed to be that there was always something going wrong
with the laser printers. It seems that there is so much more
to go wrong with them then with inkjet printers. I am fearful
of buying a laser printer and 6 months later being socked
with a huge repair bill.
Thomas
Dear Thomas
In the 80's Laser printers did have frequent problems,
especially when they were used for cranking through
a case or more of paper per week. I know, I used to
be the one fixing them.
I remember, when the IBM 3180 was the top of the line
laser printer, and I was in good enough shape, that I
could carry them alone down and up steep and long stairs.
However, Lasers have come a long way in the last 25-30 years,
and the cute secretaries, who abused them then, are
grandmothers and great-grandmothers now.
I am using a DELL 1320c color laser, and have for 3-4 years.
All I ever do for it is stuff another ream of paper into it, and
occasionally change toner cartridges.
As long as you stay away from HP, Lasers are quite reliable
nowadays.
Since with a Laser you get into the Business Class, you get
much better quality than at the bargain consumer level.
Also keep in mind, withlasers, there is nothing to dry up
or leak. They work with dry powder.
However, when mine is five years old, I will seriously consider
opening it and see if it needs cleaning and lubricating.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a
couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said,
"Looky thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock!
We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and
finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels, stick them
on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', Okay?' said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the emply bottles under
the seat, and each put a label on his forehead. When they
reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."
"You' look as stupid on your mug shots, as you are, boys.
And you'll be walking for a year. Start by walking over to
the cruiser."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Placemat With Photos
I take pictures from trips I have taken, laminate them
on placemat size paper. They are always of interest
when people come to dinner. I have also done this
with various holiday cards, so I have placemats to
go with all holidays.
By Bev from Carlsbad, CA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked.
She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Pat and Mike were once very good friends. One day when
they were still on speaking terms, Pat went over to Mike's
house to visit, but when he got there, Mike was out.
Mike's wife was holding the ferociously fighting baby who
had different plans, and trying to put up curtains at the
same time.
"Pat," she said, "I'm glad you came. Would you mind
holding the squirming nuisance while I finish the curtains?"
A few minutes later, Pat came in and said to Mike,
"How ya doin, Mike?"
Said Mike, "I'm holding my own".
That's when the battle started.
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011, 06:03 PM -
Posted by Administrator
CEO:
chief embezzlement officer.
CFO:
corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET
A random market movement causing
an investor
to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET
A 6 to 18 month period
when the kids
get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry,
and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING
The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO
The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER
What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR
Your life in a nutshell
STOCK ANALYST!
Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION
The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW
The movement your money makes
as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING
The fine art of buying high and selling low.
"BUY, BUY"
A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER
A guy who actually remembers his wallet
when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION
Something people used to do with a telephone
in ancient times before e-mail.
PROFIT
an archaic word no longer in use.
PROFIT
Religious guy who talks to God.
BILL GATES
Where God goes for a loan.
ALAN GREENSPAN
God.
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Source for Accurate Weather
Wednesday, November 9, 2011, 05:16 PM -
Posted by Administrator
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet,
it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way,
it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back,
it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this,
you have to leave the dog outside all the time,
especially if you expect bad weather.
Sincerely, The CAT
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011, 01:38 PM
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 9
Time to pick on Iran again?
After it was quite OK, that Pakistan sold technology and
centrifuges, and pardoned the people doing that, they
make a big fuss about Iran.
Sure, Iran is led by a bunch of barbarians, and excpet for
their friend Obamanov, nobody is in a rush to forgive them
for taking over the US embassy and university, however,
they are not stupid enough to actually USE nuclear weapons.
Even though the US would let them get away with it, Israel
won't. And Saudi Arabia would quite cheerfully participate
in bombing them back to the stone age. After all, they don't
have that far to go.
Seems to me, the media just needs something to write about,
while the Flea-Baggers visit their parent's home for a shower
and to warm up.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Most people would succeed in small things, if they were not
troubled with great ambitions.
--- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.
--- Ethel Mumford
Thanks to Chris for this one:
There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist
who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of
other patients. I know you all have experienced this,
and here's the way one old guy handled it.
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's
office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist
said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You
shouldn't come into a crowded office and say
things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told
you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused
some embarrassment in this room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something and then discussed the
problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and
then reentered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked,
"Yes?"
There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled,
knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
The doctor's office erupted in howls of laughter.
----------
The receptionist at my doctor is the opposite.
She is very cute, but extremely shy. If I was not
so good at lip-reading, I could not understand her.
Or maybe she is whispering, so that I look at her
face? '-)
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids.
Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure
them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.
While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil
rig, the helicopter where I was lost power and went down.
Fortunately, it landed safely in the lake. Struggling to get
out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest,
and jerked open the exit door.
"Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is supposed to
float!"
As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he
yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Christine Murgueytio, 30, Ft Myers, FL
Teacher accused of DUI crash in school parking lot
LEE COUNTY - Florida
A Lee County teacher is accused of driving under the influence,
AGAIN,
and deputies say she crashed into another car in her
school's parking lot.
Deputies say on Thursday morning, the Dunbar Middle School,
school resource officer called to report a minor crash that
happened in the parking lot.
The crash involved teacher Christine Murgueytio's white Kia
and a parked car.
The SRO told deputies that Murgueytio might have been impaired
because an eyewitness had said that she was stumbling and that
her speech was "thick tongued."
When deputies arrived and spoke the teacher, she was asked
if she had been drinking or taking any drugs.
According to the arrest report, she replied that she had only
taken one Ambien Wednesday night.
When asked to take a field sobriety test, she agreed but asked
to do so in the back of the parking lot so that her coworkers
and students would not see it happening. Seems she expected
to fall on her snout.
Four field sobriety tests were conducted, all of which she failed.
Based on the results of those tests, she was placed in custody
and asked to give a breath sample.
And as the deputy was gathering her things from her car,
according to the arrest report, he found two beer cans in her
lunch box next to some uneaten plums.
Murgueytio also agreed to give a urine sample, which was
then placed into evidence.
She was then taken to the Lee County Jail, but has since
been released on bond. Murgueytio is on PAID administrative
leave with the School District, pending the results of their
own investigation.
-----------------------
This is her third DUI while a teacher in that county,
and her second Bonehead Award.
Tech Support Pits:
From Sue
Re: Calculator
Dear Webby,
I need a good calculator. What do you recommend?
Sue
Dear Sue
Hit START, RUN and type
calc
Hit Enter.
You can set it simple or scientific. It will remember
your choice.
You can also do a search for calc.exe, and make a
desktop shortcut to it.
If you have TweakUI, then you also have PoweCalc. It can
graph equations and does a bunch of unit conversions.
For more versatility, use a SpreadSheet like Open Office CALC
or Quattro or Excel. Spreadsheets are easy to use and you
can calculate anything. The biggest advantage is that the
numbers don't scroll into history, but stay right there and
can be checked and edited.
You can also select a batch of entries, for example the
VISA expenses of last year, and with a single click make a
graph of them. That lets you quickly spot uncharacteristic
entries, and also lets you sit back and muse about trends.
Spreadsheets look intimidating to novices, but are actually
as easy as falling into bed. Just start playing with them and
kicking yourself that you have not started with that much
earlier.
An often overlooked feature is that you can save a spreadsheet
as HTML and upload it to the web, for a friend or co-worker to
view and comment, or to continue a collaborative effort.
Then there is Launchy
You can get it from my ToolBox.
Launchy is the most understated program on the net.
Officially, it is just for launching programs, that have their
icons hidden or lost. For example, to launch Eudora I hit
ALT SPACE to open Launchy,
E for Eudora
ENTER to launch it.
I don't even have to take my hands away from the keyboard
and hunt for the mouse.
If I type a number into Launchy, that turns it into a calculator
with a horizontal tape. You can copy your entries or just
the results. And when you hit ESC, it is gone.
However, ALT SPACE restores the previous entries and result,
just in case you hit ESC by accident.
Be careful with the SKINS. There are countless skins for it
available, and getting just the right skin can be like shopping
for a wedding dress. Keep in mind, though, if your Launchy
clashes with your nail polish or whatever, you can always
pick a different skin. And it is free!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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Thanks to Bea for this one:
For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on
the woman with whom I car pooled to get our children to
soccer practice.
I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again,
so I wouldn't be able to take my turn.
A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son,
my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to
call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband
to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also
explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything
about his father's whereabouts.
Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our
house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner
arrived.
When my son returned from practice, I asked him if
she had noticed.
"Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men
in front of the house was my father. But don't worry.
I told her I didn't know."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Store Christmas Decorations in Santa Sacks
Each year I store away all my decorations in Santa sacks
that have a drawstring top. When Christmas rolls around
again I get the bags down from the storage rack in garage.
There is no dust and everything is just where I left it.
By Melinda B from Melbourne, Australia
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most
difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard.
Well, you know how she is."
"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told
me that she is a vile creature who would make my life
miserable and you begged me not to marry her."
"You were perfectly right.
"You want to speak with her? All right."
He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in
the next room:
"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A reporter from Chicago was visiting an old colleague, who
now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town.
"I don't see how you do it," the reporter said.
"How can you drum up interest in the news when
everybody in town knows what everybody else
is doing?"
"Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper
to see who got caught at it."
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COD Modern Warfare 3 Guide – How To Become The Best Fast?
Tuesday, November 8, 2011, 03:17 PM
Posted by Administrator
So you have just picked up the new Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 game and are getting killed too much online in the multiplayer mode? Or maybe you just want to learn how to get better at the game fast?
Well there are a couple of ways you can do this and this article will help you out:
Forums:
You can of course browse the forums and ask the top players about map strategies and how they are dominating but in all honesty you will probably not get the best players giving away their secrets. However if you browse enough and keep asking questions you will be able to piece together information about the maps and new game modes that will help you.
The main things to make sure you understand is the new Strike chains and pick one that suits your gameplay. Also that you can level your weapon it is well worth levelling a weapon that you are going to play with and use a lot.
Another way is to check out the top gaming sites:
Gaming Sites:
If you check out the top gaming sites and look for some tips on how to dominate the multiplayer this is a good place to start but again these will not be any “secrets”.
Well worth a look if you are brand new but I suggest if you want to dominate Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 then you check out a good guide:
Perses Guide:
If you really want a complete guide to dominate the game then I would check out Perses guide as it is a complete guide on how to dominate the game and has a complete walkthrough for both single player and multiplayer as well.
If you are trying to get to grips with the game then a full guide that has been designed by the top gamers will help you out no end.
For a full preview and to start dominating check out the full guide below:
http://rememberme.perses.hop.clickbank.net/
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Tuesday, November 8, 2011, 12:37 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 8
Did the accusations about groping help Arnold to get elected,
even though he was a Republican in a Democrat state?
They sure did not hurt him. He more or less just laughed
them off. Did Cain learn from Arnold?
Should be interesting soon!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Life is 10% of what happens to you,
and 90% of how you respond to it.
--- Socratex
All men commend patience,
although few be willing to practice it.
--- Thomas Kempis (1799-1850)
When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports
was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with
water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets.
Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition.
The most frequent target of course was the Resident Assistant.
Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door
was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the
door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail
and emptied it into his sink, he laughed and remarked,
"Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with
that old gag!"
About then he realized, that I had loosened the drainpipe
beneath the sink and turned the "U" pipe so that it aimed at
his crotch.
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids.
Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure
them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.
At one job I had a reputation at work for being a strict boss.
One day I was in the break room with another manager. I
reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed
in a Ace Hardware paper bag.
My co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at me, looking
a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he
sighed in relief.
"What's the matter?" I asked him.
"Uh, nothing," he replied. "I was just beginning to think you
really DO eat nails for lunch."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Miguel Medina, Albany
OnStar reported DUI crash
ALBANY -- A South Pearl Street man faces aggravated driving
while intoxicated charges after his OnStar system lead police
to the scene of a car accident early Tuesday, police said.
Miguel Medina was charged with felony DWI, leaving the scene
of a property damage accident and refusal to take a breath test,
police said.
The Albany man allegedly crashed a 2011 Buick Regal into a
utility pole at the corner of Oneida and Catherine streets at
2:05 a.m., and fled the scene, according to police. The car
was equipped with OnStar, and a system dispatcher reported
the crash, police said.
Officers arrived at the crash site, where witnesses said that
Medina had run toward Slingerland Street, police said. Police
arrested the man, whose age was not available, across from
Bishop Maginn High School.
Medina refused to take a sobriety test. Police said a
Breathalyzer that he later submitted to registered his alcohol
blood content at above 0.18 percent, more than twice the
legal limit of 0.08. Medina was arraigned in Albany City Court.
Tech Support Pits:
From Vanessa
Re: Weatherproof print
Dear Webby,
I need to print some fliers, that get taped to the outside
of doors. They are not directly in the weather, but don't
seem to last the week, that they should. What kind of
printing do you suggest?
Vanessa
Dear Vanessa
I would use a Laser Printer, like the DELL 1320c for color
or the DELL 1130 mono for $85. Lasers melt a waxy toner
into the paper. Moisture may deteriorate the paper, but the
laser printed parts will be protected. Unlike items printed
with inkjets, laser printed colors will never run.
Naturally, you have to use a quality toner from a reputable
supplier. If BestBuy or Walmart puts toner cartridges on sale,
you can bet that they have been sitting on their shelves for
too long.
I buy ink and toner from Atlantic Inkjet, and have for about
a dozen years. The quality is excellent, shipping is fast,
and the price is right.
You can protect the paper from wind damage with a clear
varnish spray, and unlike inkjet printed paper, with laser,
the print quality will not deteriorate from the inside out or
from the back..
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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A group of women were talking together. One woman
said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40
on a Sunday."
Another said, "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation
is down to six or seven."
A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "Why, it's
so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister
says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts
We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt
on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh
colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the
salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds.
By mascenika from Westminter, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated
but not be able to schay it or schpell it kwite rite.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found
that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started
with the letter "T".
Examples of those days are as follows:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday
Thunday
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Mail pretending to be from you is not a hack, just spam.
Monday, November 7, 2011, 10:53 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 7
Either my jeans are getting thinner, not at the waist, but
the fabric, or my legs are losing too much insulating fat.
In the last two days the wind seems to have gotten quite
uncomfortable during my daily 3 mile walk.
By afternoon it is supposed to warm up to just 4 degrees
below freezing, and Wednesday it is supposed to go
above freezing.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Teenagers should move out earlier,
while they still know it all.
--- Socratex
"I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod
on top shows a lack of confidence."
--- Doug MacLeod
Ole decided to buy Lena a new car for her birthday. They
shopped and shopped. Finally, Lena found one she liked.
But before signing the papers, Lena looked at the car one
more time.
Suddenly, she bristled and walked away, saying she didn't
want the car. She wouldn't even talk about it.
On the way home, Ole said, "Vell, Lena, I tot yew liked dat
car. Vat changed yer mind about it?
"Ole, I yust don't vant any car vit XL on it," Lena answered.
"It's bad enuff having dat on my undervear."
YOU can do it!
Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software.
Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy
To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away
Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making
big bucks Every Month.
CAUTION:
You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it!
It is a very low investment, and easy to do.
YOU can do it!
The woman said to her beautician as she sat down for her
appointment, "When you're finished with me, will my husband
think I'm beautiful?"
"Maybe," replied beautician, "does he still drink a lot?"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Alexander Pratt, 59, and Clara Pearson, 53, both of Lake Worth
Stole cop car for hanky-panky
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla., Nov. 5 (UPI) --
The Palm Beach Post reported a couple were charged with
stealing a police car because it was handy, it was running,
the keys were in it, right there outside a convenience store,
and they were looking for a place for a quickie.
A man and woman charged with stealing a police car left
running outside a Florida convenience store apparently wanted
it for a quickie sexual encounter.
Alexander Pratt, 59, and Clara Pearson, 53, both Lake Worth
residents, were charged with grand theft auto, The Palm
Beach Post reported. They allegedly grabbed a Honda Civic
belonging to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office that
was being used by plainclothes detectives from the auto
theft division.
The couple did not get far in their new wheels, a police
report said. They were pulled over and arrested not far away.
Pratt told officers he was not sorry for his actions because
he was eager to "have intimate relations with Pearson," a
police affidavit said.
And here is how the International press reported it:
(I came across it while searching for mug shots.)
A Negro and blackamoor live with concealing a personnel
automobile mitt streaming right a Florida lavatory accumulation
ostensibly desired it for a repair sexed encounter.
Alexander Pratt, 59, and Clara Pearson, 53, both Lake designer
residents, were live with noble thieving auto, The Palm Beach
Post reported. They allegedly grabbed a Honda Civic happiness
to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office that was existence
utilised by plainclothes detectives from the machine thieving division.
The pair did not intend farther in their newborn wheels, a
personnel inform said. They were pulled over and inactive not
farther away.
Pratt told officers he was not compassionate for his actions
because he was hot to "have hint relations with Pearson,"
a personnel affidavit said. (c) UPI
http://www.bestcactus.com/couple-allege ... r-for-sex/
Tech Support Pits:
From Robbie
Re: Mail pretending to be from me
Dear Webby,
Got a message from myself that I did not send to myself.
Have changed my password but wanted to warn you all
so you could run your virus scan programs & make sure
that my hacker didn't get you too.
My apologies, Sincerely,
EvlEvo
Dear Robbie
That is just ordinary spam with the recipient address forged
in as the sender.Since you are a yahoo, every spammer has
your address, and you got to expect that.
They know that most of the silly yahoos will fall for that, and
either open it and get infected,
or get into a big tizzy about it.
Unless you are in the habit of sending emails to yourself to
remind you to check the stove, before the boiling eggs blow
up and the pot lid crashes out through the window again,
just dump all mail, that pretends to be from you.
If you use spam protection like MailWasher, you can
automate that. It can tell the difference between mail that
is REALLY from you, and mail, that is just pretending to
be from you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that
he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should
he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers,
and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home
cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the
woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see
how things had gone.
"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on
washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.
"We hadn't started eating yet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Shoe Tongue From Sliding
Quite frequently the tongue in a child's shoe will slip
around to the side where it can make the foot very
uncomfortable. The situation can be remedied quite simply,
however, by making two small slits in the offending tongue
and passing the shoelaces through them.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Morris goes to a job interview. The boss says, "I'll give
you 8 dollars an hour starting today, and in three months,
I'll raise it to 12 dollars an hour.
So when would you like to start?"
Morris replies, "How 'bout three months from now?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Fortune Cookie:
"Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably
make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."
-------------------
The best Fortune Cookie message I ever received was at the
"Shangri La - Midnile Snacks", yes, mid NILE, in Whgitehorse,
in the 70's. The message read:
"HEED THIS ADVICE"
Nothing else, just that.
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Which picture format for frequent printing
Sunday, November 6, 2011, 10:16 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 6
Remember to set back your manual clocks.
It is winter time again.
If you got frantic emails about next Wednesday's Emergency
System Test, simmer down. It's just the TV version of the
tornado siren test, and no terrorists are going to time their
nefarious actions for that time. They are probably confused
by the time change, and probably wondering if they should
side with or against the Flea-Baggers, that seem to get
priority in the media these days.
At first Obama was in favor of the Flea-Baggers, since they
seemed to be the opposite of the Tea-Baggers and Sarah and
Donald and all those nasty people, who are badmouthing him.
However, since they refuse to come up with a Manifesto and
just recycle the "Down with the establishment" slogans of the
60's riots in Chicago, and the French Revolution a bit earlier,
He doesn't know how to deal with them.
To Obama's credit, until they come up with a consistent goal
or Manifesto, nobody else seems to know how to deal with the
Flea-Baggers either.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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"Science fiction writers foresee the inevitable,
and although problems and catastrophes may
be inevitable,
solutions are not."
--- Isaac Asimov
The true test of character is not how much
we know how to do,
but how we behave when we don't know what to do.
--- John Holt
By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
--- Socrates
Three guys met in a bar and spent the afternoon drinking and
telling stories.
Finally, as evening approached, they realized that it was time
to go. So they signaled the bartender and told him they wanted
to pay their tab. The bartender left and returned, saying the
total bar bill was $3.00.
"Three dollars," they gasped, and one said, "Surely you must
be wrong, it has to be more than $3.00, we've been here all
afternoon. We must have had 10 beers apiece."
"That's right" said the bartender, "thirty beers at ten cent's apiece,
that's $3.00."
The men were amazed that the beer was so cheap, but the
bartender went on to explain, "You see," he said, "I won the
lottery and I wanted to open a bar where folks could come and
drink for a reasonable price and have fun. So I use my lottery
winnings to subsidize the cost, that's why drinks are so cheap."
The men nodded, but one of them asked the bartender,
"Those two guys over there, they've been here for two hours
and they haven't had anything to drink, what's going on?"
"Oh those guys" the bartender replied, "they're Scots,
they're waiting for happy hour."
YOU can do it!
Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software.
Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy
To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away
Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making
big bucks Every Month.
CAUTION:
You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it!
It is a very low investment, and easy to do.
YOU can do it!
Thanks to Flo for this one:
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was
resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I
carefully removed his glasses.
"You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you
look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still
look pretty hot too!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Mary K. Wells, 47
Woman hits hubby with car, and stuff
Police said an Oxford woman hit her husband with her car,
among other things, at his workplace Monday.
According to Iowa City police criminal complaints, 47-year-old
Mary K. Wells went to her husband’s workplace in Iowa City
at 9:15 p.m. Monday and found him there with an unidentified
female client. Police said Wells hit her husband in the face,
tore his shirt and hit him in the face with a rubber hose. Police
said Wells hit the other woman in the face and pulled her hair.
She also threw a quart of oil at her, striking her in the leg,
police said.
Wells also allegedly drove her car toward another car, missing
it by inches, but did not miss her husband, who was standing.
Police said Wells’ husband was knocked to the ground but
was not injured in the ramming. He had sufferedf bruises and
scrapes on the face and neck from the metal fittings on the
rubber hose, that she hit him with.
Wells brought her two children, 12 and 15 years old, with her
and they witnessed the attack, police said.
Iowa City Police Sgt. Denise Brotherton said Mary K Wells
fled the scene. Johnson County Sheriff’s Office deputies were
dispatched to her home but were unable to locate her,
Brotherton said. A warrant was issued for her arrest and
records show she was booked at 7:04 a.m. Wednesday
at the jail. It is unclear whether Wells was arrested by another
agency or turned herself in to authorities.
Wells is being charged with first-degree domestic assault
causing injury, a serious misdemeanor; assault, a serious
misdemeanor; and child endangerment causing no injury,
an aggravated misdemeanor. She is being held at the
Johnson County Jail on a $7,500 cash bond.
Tech Support Pits:
From Rob
Re: Picture File Format
Dear Webby,
Which picture file format is best for route maps for our
orienteering club ?
The master map stays the same, but the event maps change
every week. Each individual group gets a map that has the
only the trails, that they have to take, whith all other trails
blanked out. We make six maps per event and each group
draws one of the six variations.
That gives you an idea of how much the picture gets
changed. Over the years it has become so frazzled that it
is getting difficult to interprete and we have to keep drawing
new master maps. Is there a picture file format that would
be more suitable?
Thanks
Rob
Dear Rob
Don't use JPG for that, it degrades each time you save it.
Use GIF or PNG for that.
When you draw the master map, use edged lines.
Then cut a fine separation line next to each trail junction.
Reduce the colors to 16 and save it as a GIF or PNG.
Write-protect that file so that it can not be overwritten
and only copied..
For each variation just take a copy off the master and use
the flood fill tool to fill unused sections of the trail with the
background color. It will hide the trail all the way to the next
separation line at the next junction. The edging of the line
will still be there for a future filling, but the participants know,
that if the trail does not have THEIR color, then they won't
find THEIR tokens on that route.
GIF pictures don't have the same color depth as JPG, but
they are usable on the web and they don't degrade. They
also print and fax with sharp and clear edges on even the
cheapest printers or fax machines. PNG can show very sharp
details, similar to JPG, but does not degrade from saving.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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please donate what you can! |
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An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the
impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the
Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture,
the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor
throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort
and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the
world-famous author.
"No," his friend said,
"it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia."
"Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Bathtub with Powdered Dish Detergent
When your bathtub gets really grimy looking and the
bathroom cleaners don't seem to be working, try a
scrubby sponge and a bit of powder dish washer soap.
It doesn't scratch, but it will get things super clean.
By Lynn from WV
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The following ad is reported to have gotten numerous calls...
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE...
Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a good
looking female who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the
woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing
trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners
will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and
watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm
yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."
Callers found themselves talking to the local Humane Society
about an eight-week-old black Lab.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and asked a native,
"Say, is this really a healthful place?"
"It sure is," the native replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one
word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to
walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."
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Saturday, November 5, 2011, 09:20 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 5
Thanks David!
Now Belgium, which is still trying to get organized, after
it's government collapsed in 2010, announced it will phase
out nuclear powerplants. Not right away, but like Germany,
after three to five elections, or like Obama promised, that
the deficit and debt will be reduced by some future government,
who will hopefully figure those things out, and get yelled at
for trying to pay for today's mistakes.
Because Big Oil paid the media to use Fukushima to scare
the sheep, it is fashionable among politicians to bitch about
nuclear power plants. Sure, the Fukushima plants were Govt
spec plants, and satisfied politicians a lot more than the
engineers. However, those old Fukushima plants fared actually
quite well.
The engineers pointed out, that it was a really dumb idea
to rely on long over-land power lines to supply emergency
power, instead of a few big Diesels in the basement.
They also pointed out, that so close to the ocean, it was
really stupid to put pools on top of the roof to keep the
half used fuel rods wet, and use power from other,
far away plants, to pump water up there. Why not dig a hole,
and let the ocean keep it filled, instread of using expensive
pumps made in some politician's riding?
Does that sound familiar? Yes, same crap goes on in
every country.
They could have stoped procrastinating, and sent the half
used fuel rods to South Korea or China for re-processing!
Japan has long ago decided that 1 Billion Dollar a piece
nuclear bombs are not cost effective, and they haven't got
a breeder reactor anyway, so why keep the stuff?
Nuclear powerplants are actually quite safe, if done right,
and kept as up-to-date as the oil fired plants. And they
don't mess up the air with soot and ash and make photos
less sharp, than they could be.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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"The herd instinct among forecasters makes
sheep look like independent thinkers."
--- Edgar R. Fiedler
Election promises are the opposite of forecasts.
--- DW
Q: What's the difference between an
English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
A: An English actuary can tell you how
many people are going to die next
year. A Sicilian actuary can give
you their names.
YOU can do it!
Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software.
Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy
To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away
Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making
big bucks Every Month.
CAUTION:
You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it!
It is a very low investment, and easy to do.
YOU can do it!
You probably know that MADD is the group that calls itself
Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
Now There is also DAM
Mothers Against Dylsexia
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Antonio Santiago, 26
Stolen cellphone rings in thief's pocket
A Hoboken man was denying knowledge of a stolen cellphone
before it rang in his pocket, police said.
At 7 a.m. today, a 55-year-old man said his cellphone and
charger were stolen while he was asleep at Hoboken Terminal,
reports said.
He saw the man he believed stole the phone sitting inside
McDonalds, 234 Washington St., and told police who reported
to the scene, reports said.
Antonio Santiago, 26, of Bloomfield Street, told police he
did not take the phone, reports said. When police called the
victim's cell phone, it rang in Santiago's right coat pocket,
reports said.
When Santiago pulled out the phone and its charger from his
coat, the victim positively identified the items, reports said.
A police pat-down revealed that Santiago also had three small,
clear plastic bags of suspected marijuana, reports said.
Santiago was charged with theft and possession of 50 grams or
less of marijuana, reports said.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Jackie
Re: more picture background
Dear Webby,
I was looking through old Humor Letters searching for something
and came across some bad advice you gave. You are wrong
about the color of a picture backdrop. As any professional knows,
it should be white so as to throw more light and even onto the object.
Jackie
Dear Jackie
Digital cameras have become quite affordable. Why don't
you save up for one and try it out yourself ?
You will find that a white backdrop reduces contrast and
makes pictures appear flat and washed out. With digital
cameras, and prettier subjects, you can go for a lot more
contrast than what they taught you 70 years ago.
Also, with a white backdrop you lose control of the lighting.
Even if you have proper lighting from slightly above and to
the side of the camera, the picture will be even more "dead"
than if you had used an in-camera flash. Very unprofessional!
In addition to that, an edge bleed to white is considerably
wider than an edge bleed to black. Getting rid of a light halo
is a time wasting nuisance, whereas a thin, dark edge bleed
helps to make the object stand out almost like a drop-
shadow and appear much livelier.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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Tony went to the doctor and told him that his hearing had
deteriorated so bad that he couldn't even hear
himself fart.
The doctor gave Tony some pills.
Tony asked him, "Will these make me hear better?"
Doc replied, "No, but they will make you fart louder."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Laundry Detergent Caps For Bathroom Cups
The house I live in does laundry a lot. And they didn't
recycle until I showed them the error of their ways.
So, instead of tossing the laundry detergent caps in the
bin, I put them to good use. Here is an example of the
things you can do with these wonderful lids!
By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the
heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and
decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster...
As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed
a little sign by the side of the track.
I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't
make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round
again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what
the sign said.
By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round
a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car
to get a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?"
asked the visitor.
"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Vinnie for this:
My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages
seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the
first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat
and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down
her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old's antics and
pounded the table, making cutlery and dishes jump.
Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them
through clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll
NEVER eat out with us again!"
The man at the next table leaned over to his wife.
"Look dear," he said. "Quality time!"
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Friday, November 4, 2011, 09:51 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thanks to Kathie for this:
I've been using eFax http://www.efax.com/ for years now
without a bit of trouble and I haven't had a land line phone
for the same amount of time-just a cell phone. They started
out a free service but now I think they only have paid plans.
Faxes are sent and received via email. You have your "own"
fax number.
Its a lot cheaper than keeping a land line phone ($16.95 a month
for under 150 faxes).
Kathie In a very windy Montana
-------------------------
Thanks to Gordon for sending the IE9 blocker!
IE9 is indeed quite a nuisance, especially if you only use
IE for occasionally checking if some snooty lamer's site
might work in IE but not in the fast browsers.
Personally, I don't bother. If a site does not work in
FireFox or Chrome, then I won't waste my time on it.
And if a link in email tries to start up IE, that email gets
dumped and shredded instantly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
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You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
--- Arlo Guthrie
SIXTEEN STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE
Southerner Style
1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)
6. Light Match
7. Light Match
8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base
of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching
for more wood, soak wood from can labeled 'kerosene'.
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Re-label can to read 'gasoline'.
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.
Arctic Bushman Style
1) Collect the tiny, dry twiglets low on trees and stuff them into
an inside pocket half an hour before stopping.
2) Start digging a hole in the snow with enough enthusiasm,
so that the dogs will take over and finish.
3) Collect dry branches and dead trees and pile them up
in the cleared hole.
4) Warm up the hands by scratching the belly of one of the dogs.
5) Place the thawed and crushed kindling from the inside pocket
under the upwind side of the wood pile and use the thawed hand
to light it with the lighter.
6) Get the dogs to help dragging a few dead trees close to the fire.
7) Cook supper..
That method has worked fine for me many hundreds of times,
when I lived in the arctic bush. The real secret is the warm
kindling in the inside pocket. It catches a lot easier than the
-40 degree stuff.
YOU can do it!
Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software.
Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy
To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away
Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making
big bucks Every Month.
CAUTION:
You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it!
It is a very low investment, and easy to do.
YOU can do it!
Thanks to Francine for this:
It was moving day. The previous owners were going to finish
moving out that morning, and we were going to start moving
in that afternoon.
We showed up just as they were finishing up, around lunchtime.
The couple was sitting down for a breather before they left.
The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald's
for lunch. She told us with guilty pleasure, "I know it's not
good for me, but I just love burgers and fries."
Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told
us, in all seriousness, "Not me. I'm a meat and potatoes man."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Rashawn Mallory, 21, and Ernest Barnett, 22
Armed robbers jailed after they took meatball sub
YEADON, Pa. (UPI) -- Police in Pennsylvania said they arrested
a group of armed robbers accused of stealing a 13-year-old's
$5.50 meatball sub.
Investigators said the teenager was walking home from the deli
with his sandwich Saturday evening in Yeadon when two men,
identified as Rashawn Mallory, 21, and Ernest Barnett, 22,
exited a black Ford Expedition, brandished a black revolver
and ordered the victim not to move, The Delaware County
Daily Times reported Wednesday.
Police said the two men searched the boy and left with his
sandwich when they found nothing of value. However, they
left the teenager's cellphone, which he used to call police
and give descriptions of the suspects and their vehicle.
Police located the vehicle, where the sandwich was found
still in the wrapper.
Mallory and Barnett were charged with robbery, theft,
receiving stolen property, recklessly endangering another
person and simple assault. Mallory was also charged with
making terroristic threats and firearms not to be carried
without a license.
Two other men in the vehicle with the suspects, Antray
Graves Jr., 20, and Rainey Smith, 21, were charged
with criminal conspiracy to commit robbery theft, and
receiving stolen property.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Gordon
Re: IE9 Blocker
Dear Webby
Here is one to add to your toolbox
IE 9 Blocker
http://www.microsoft.com/download/en/de ... spx?id=179
Save and Run.
When it asks you where to expand it to, choose C:\WINDOWS
For Vista / Windows 7
Click On Start > All Programs > Accessories > Command Prompt - Right click and Run as Administrator
For XP:
Click on Start > RUN
and type cmd and hit Enter
In the scary black screen that you get, type
cd c:\windows
hit Enter, then type:
IE9_Blocker.cmd /B
hit Enter
That should do the trick.
After it finishes, you can type EXIT
hit Enter to close the scary black screen.
Comfirmed working.
Gordon
Dear Gordon
Thanks, Got it added.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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Mrs. Goldfarb was shopping at a produce stand in her
neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked,
"How much are these oranges?"
"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.
"How much is just one?" she asked.
"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.
"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs Goldfarb
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Your Leaves As Winter Mulch
Have you mulched your leaves yet? After spending years raking
up those fall leaves, I got pretty tired of having a second set of
leaves fall from the Oak trees. I decided to make short work of
the job by using my mulch mower and ran the mower over the
leaves, which mulched them all and enriched my lawn happily
at the same time. The lawn may not be as neat and tidy, but
it sure will be happy having all that extra fertilizer on it, and it
will be even happier next spring, and so too will you!
Go mulch those leaves!
Source: Gardeners around the globe
By Kghornsten from Davis, CA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An elderly lady just ahead of me at a recent art show was
looking at a painting with an ugly mish-mash of colors and
turned to me and asked, "What's that?"
I said, "According to the program flier, it's supposed to
be a cowboy on his horse."
"Supposed to be!", she sneered. "And whoever signed it,
is 'supposed to be' a painter?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady
and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the
posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the couple looking in
the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop: "I know that on your pension
you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending
you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't
take no for an answer".
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two
flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They,
as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said.
"I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
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Faxing without a phone line
Thursday, November 3, 2011, 10:51 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 3
Yes, I agree, it is quite amazing, that those cops in Ohio
didn't do anything to shut up that cursing bimbo. Let's hope
that this time she won't get off with easy plea bargaining.
That obviously did not work.
Today's bonehead seems to be headed in the same direction,
and is also using foul language instead of brains.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed
to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--- Will Rogers
Thanks to Bess for this:
I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper
sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
I honked.
The driver leaned out his window, flipped me the bird,
and yelled "Can't you see the light is still red, you
moron?"
So I shifted to PARK, stomped the gas and hit the button,
that my grandson had installed under the dash.
The air comressor still almost stalled the engine, but the
glorious blast of the triple trumpet train horns was worth it!
YOU can do it!
Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software.
Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy
To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away
Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making
big bucks Every Month.
CAUTION:
You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it!
It is a very low investment, and easy to do.
YOU can do it!
Thanks to Fran for this:
We had a power outage during a thunderstorm. As we
peered from our dark cubicles to the outside world, my
director commented that it looked like power was out
for miles, since the office buildings as far as we
could see were also dark.
Our temp admin said, and I quote: "Can't be too far,
that plane has lights!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Girl, 9, Facing Four Felonies For Wild School Bus
Tantrum, Battering Sheriff's Deputy
A nine-year-old Florida girl is facing four felony charges
after she allegedly threw a tantrum yesterday on a school
bus, spit on the driver, threw rocks at the bus, and tossed
a patio chair at a cop, who she warned, “I will fuckin kill you!”
The child, a fourth grader at the Royal Palm School in Fort
Myers, was traveling home when the driver told her to stop
eating candy on the bus. The girl “became very upset” and
started yelling obscenities at driver Robert Middleton,
according to a Lee County Sheriff’s Office report.
After threatening to strike other children on the bus, the
girl jumped off the bus (but not before spitting on Middleton).
She then allegedly started throwing pieces of asphalt at
the bus.
When a sheriff’s deputy arrived on the scene and ordered
the child to stop throwing the asphalt, she replied, “Fuck you!
Fuck you! Shut the fuck up. I will fuckin kill you.”
After warning that she would hurt him, the child “picked up
an aluminum patio chair and threw it at me,” reported a deputy.
After blocking the chair with his arm, the cop restrained the
child, who then “attempted to bite my arm and said, ‘I am
going to kill you, get off of me!”
The pint-sized terror was charged with battery on a public
school employee, resisting arrest with violence, battery on a
law enforcement officer, and throwing a deadly missile into
an occupied vehicle.
The girl was released into her parents's custody last night and
placed on home detention for 21 days.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Fred
Re: Faxing without a phone number
Dear Webby
If we can "fax" from our computer, why can't we "fax"
without a "phone number" on our end? There must be a
way to "fax" from computer to computer, where e-mail isn't
viable.
Is it just a case of the technology is out there, but the
phone companies are holding us hostage? I currently
make hard copies and have a friend with a "fax" line
send for me.
Mary
In NW Georgia, USA
Dear Mary
If both the sender and the recipient have Internet,
then you can just send email and attach any
document or picture.
If the recipient does not have Internet, just a fax
machine, then you have to send to that fax
machine.
You can use the fax modem, that is built into the
motherboard on your computer, and send the fax
down the regular phone line. It uses the same
phone line, that you got connected for dial-up to use
on those days, when the DSL does not work, or
not work well.
There are many fax programs, that you can choose from,
most of them are free. With them you just pay for the
long distance charges. There are others, that have a monthly
fee, that use the Internet to get as close as possible to the
recipient, and then fax from there, if possible at local rates.
If you just send half a dozen faxes per year, just pay for
he long distance. If you do fax a lot, use one of the monthly
plans, that use the Internet to get close, and then fax locally.
You have to get down from the cloud and into the phone
network somehow.
Those plans also work if you don't have a phone connection
at all, just Internet via cable or fiber. However, most of those
have a phone socket, to connect your house phone system
to the modem. Then you can connect from the house phone
system to the dial-up modem socket on your computer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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please donate what you can! |
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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been
feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and
comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water
when you get up.
Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then
just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big
glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,
"Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?"
The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shelf Liner for Wobbly Sewing Machine
Another use for rubber shelf liner is to place a scrap piece
under your sewing machine. This is handy and keeps my
sewing machine from moving while I'm using it.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk
to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed
the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the
students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note
saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out.
That student got back his test
and $64 change.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas," he
drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long, and
still be in Texas by nightfall."
"Yeah", replies the Yankee, "Our trains are a lot faster
than that."
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Can you run DSL and Fax on the same phone line?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011, 12:38 PM
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 2
Remember that bonehead award a couple of days ago, for a
drunk, half naked Ohio mother of three kids, who led police
on a high speed chase and had to be stopped with spikes?
She got on tape with a half hour vile abuse rant against the
arresting officer. She called him “nigger” at least 15 times,
according to the NSFW clip. She also repeatedly called the cop
a “bitch” and said he was “stupid as fuck.” All at very high
volume and a hate-filled voice.
She had been driving drunk on a suspended license,
and was actually wearing an ankle bracelet that monitors
alcohol intake, when she was nabbed by Bainbridge cops.
Her rap sheet includes two prior DUI collars.
Sounds like punishment for previous incidents was not
sufficient for her to smarten up. It is drunks like her, who
are the reason for "Three times and you are out for life"
laws, that are gradually spreading from California to
other states.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can! |
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This country has come to feel the same when
Congress is in session as when the baby gets
hold of a hammer.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
Yep, bin Laden & Muammar Gaddafi are dead
There is finally conclusive evidence that Osama bin Laden
and Muammar Gaddafi are dead.
Yesterday, they both registered to vote in Chicago.
YOU can do it!
Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software.
Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy
To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away
Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making
big bucks Every Month.
CAUTION:
You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it!
It is a very low investment, and easy to do.
YOU can do it!
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a
newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged
Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was
used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Karen henry, 45 in Palm Coast, Florida
Woman Attacks Dad for Not Giving Her Potato Salad
PALM COAST, Fla (CBS Tampa) — A Florida woman was
arrested after allegedly attacking her father because he wouldn’t
give her his potato salad.
Flagler County authorities charged Karen Henry with aggravated
assault with a deadly weapon for the Oct. 22 incident.
According to police reports obtained by CBS Tampa, Henry
became enraged when her 80-year-old father told her that she
could not have his potato salad while he was eating dinner.
Karen became very angry that she could not have the potato salad
and began throwing and breaking items,” a report obtained by
The Daytona Beach News-Journal states. “[She] then grabbed a
large kitchen knife and began threatening [her father] with it.”
According to the report, the elderly man grabbed a chair to defend
himself so he could call authorities.
Police say that while they were transporting Henry, she began
complaining of abdominal pain. After her treatment at Florida
Hospital Flagler, deputies overheard her on the phone asking
her father to drop the charges. Another charge of tampering
with a victim was added against her.
She was then transported to the Flagler County Inmate Facility.
She is being held there without bail.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Fred
Re: DSL and Fax
Dear Webby
Can I run a fax machine on the same line as the DSL ?
Thanks
Fred
Dear Fred
Certainly!
DSL or ADSL is just a very high frequency "fuzz" put onto
the voice frequency phone line. Imagine a picture of a
sine wave that is a bit fuzzy. The sine wave is still perfectly
recognizable, and the fuzz can be cleaned off by the
phone or fax machine with the same filter that cleans
up the power line hum and static.
The DSL filter does the opposite. It dumps the slow, voice
and fax frequency stuff, and only passes through the very
high frequency "fuzz". To the DSL modem, only the high
frequency is usable data, and it sends it on to the
computer's newtwork card.
The phone or the fax machine don't care what the DSL
modem does, and the DSL modem does not see or hear
any of the phone stuff. Phones ringing, fax machines
beeping or sending is the same to it as static
is totally ignored by the DSL modem.
The DSL splitter will give you two lines, one to the
DSL modem, and one to phones, fax and the phone line
modem built into the computer. You can use that phone
line modem to dial up the old-fashioned way, when your
fancy DSL fails. You do that with the built in, internal modem.
That same built in internal modem also allows you to use
WinFax or any computer based fax program to "print"
to somebody else's fax machine.
You pay long distance charges, the same as if you used
a stand-alone fax machine, without actually having to buy
a fax machine. That uses the phone side of the split phone
line.
The DSL modem uses the high frequency side of the split
phone line. There is no conflict at all.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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please donate what you can! |
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My sister gave me a 13" TV for my birthday. She had
gotten it for free when she bought a used console TV
for the living room.
The original owners said they didn't use the 13" TV
much because it would shut off after a while.
After checking out the on-screen menu features,
I found there was a sleep timer set for 90 minutes!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shelf Liner for Wobbly Sewing Machine
Another use for rubber shelf liner is to place a scrap piece
under your sewing machine. This is handy and keeps my
sewing machine from moving while I'm using it.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Booragoon, where women
could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in
five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you
ascended.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to
choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go
back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some
husbands...
First floor. The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love
kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not
having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up
they went.
Second floor. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love
kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I
wonder what's further up?
Third floor. This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are
extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow!
said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they
went.
Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying
jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework,
and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But just think! What
must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists
only to prove that women are impossible to please!"
Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Booragoon, where women
could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in
five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you
ascended.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to
choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go
back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some
husbands...
First floor. The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love
kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not
having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up
they went.
Second floor. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love
kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I
wonder what's further up?
Third floor. This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are
extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow!
said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they
went.
Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying
jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework,
and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But just think! What
must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists
only to prove a point."
Across the street was a Women Store.
The first floor was labeled: "These women have adequate size
boobs, never say no, are loyal and decent cooks."
Nobody knows what is on the upper floors.
It seems, men are always too hungry to worry about those floors.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook, Mike
made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after
she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.
The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs
and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it
balance!"
Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see...
mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow
wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615.
What the heck is that?"
"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"
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Noise cancelling ear phones
Tuesday, November 1, 2011, 08:24 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 1
Already got two additions for the list of tunes.
I will post an update once a month, and probably make a
fixed look-up page linked from the side menu.
If you come across a better version of any of the tunes
listed, don't be shy and send it to me! With many of them,
people had just suggested the titles and I had to find an
example. I have a hunch, in a lot of instances, I did not
luck into the best possible version.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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please donate what you can! |
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Don't just count your years, make your years count.
--- Ernest Meyers
My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to
change his address from Texas to Vermont.
The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was.
As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not
stupid or anything, just tell me what state it's in."
YOU can do it!
Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software.
Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy
To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away
Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making
big bucks Every Month.
CAUTION:
You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it!
It is a very low investment, and easy to do.
YOU can do it!
A Sunday school teacher was trying to teach her class about
the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said.
"If I were to get into a man's pocket and take all his money,
what would I be?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile,
he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
to
Amanda Confer, 24 and Randell Peterson, 32
Couple Faces Criminal Raps For Sex On City Bus
OCTOBER 25--A Pennsylvania couple is facing an assortment of
criminal charges for having sex on a city bus, carnal activity
that was captured by the vehicle’s surveillance camera.
According to a police criminal complaint, Amanda Confer, 24,
boarded the bus on a Friday afternoon in late-August. She was
“accompanied by her infant daughter,” a detective reported.
Also riding the bus through Montoursville that day were
“Pre-release inmates” Randell Peterson and Joshua Schill.
The men were part of a work release program that allows inmates
to come and go from the county jail at specified times.
Investigators allege that Confer and Peterson, 32, sat next to
each other in the rear of the bus, with Schill sitting in front of
them. Before the illicit action commenced, however, Confer
“turned over her infant daughter” to Schill, who apparently
served as babysitter/lookout during the subsequent rendezvous.
In short order, Confer and Peterson (pictured in the above mug shots)
moved from hugging and kissing to oral sex (which was provided by
Confer). “After a couple of minutes of oral sex,” Detective Alberto
Diaz reported, Confer “lowered her underwear” and, “upon sitting on”
Peterson’s lap, “both defendants proceeded to have sexual intercourse
for several minutes.”
Shortly after the tryst ended, Peterson and Schill exited the
bus together, while Confer continued to ride on with her daughter.
No humans noticed that day, but since the “aforementioned
acts were captured by surveillance equipment,” investigators
were able to identify Confer and Peterson as suspects. In an
interview late last month with a Lycoming County detective,
Confer copped to the bus sex. During a September 30 interview
at the county jail, Peterson also confessed to the illegal
automotive interlude.
Confer and Peterson were charged earlier this month with
conspiracy, indecent exposure, open lewdness, and disorderly
conduct. They are scheduled for a November 4 preliminary
hearing in Magisterial District Court.
On her Facebook page, Confer refers to herself as “Randel’s Wifey.”
----------
They should have used a blanket or curtain, so as not to make
the video inspector blush!
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Manda
Re: noise cancelling earphones
Dear Webby,
I took the advice you gave to Ellen, and raised a ruckus
at the computer store. I had already bought a standard
monitor, after you sent me to PriceGrabber a few months
ago, and still had the print-outs. The monitor I got turned
out to be even better than the print-outs, and I am quite
happy with it. I feel sorry for all the sheep, who paid good
money for the rejects, that were sold as "wide screen".
So, since I had a bone to pick with them about something else,
I called them a bunch of @#$% Liars and slapped down my
print-outs. You made my day, SIR!
The sawed off sheep monitors might be OK for Farmville and
short emails, but are a useless nuisance for serious work.
I am sure glad we got you to protect us from the con artists!
Now I have a question about head sets. What is the straight
scoop about "noise cancelling earphones"?
Thanks
Manda
Dear Manda
In theory, noise cancelling head sets subtract ambient noise
electronically from what the microphone picks up.
In reality, unless you buy an outrageously priced DJ set,
you get a bit of messy leakage through a cross-over resistor
in the in-line volume control gadget, and some foam cover on
the microphone. Plus fancy wordage in the advertising, of
course.
Since the in-line volume control usually stops working after
a year or less, and needs to get bypassed, you have an
excellent opportunity to hear how little effect that cross-over
leakage had in eliminating ambient noise.
The same goes for the foam cover of the microphone.
When it wears out or gets lost, just replace it with a
finger fo a knit kid's glove. Chances are, it does a better
job than the original foam.
When selecting headsets, look for large, comfortable ear
pieces, preferably with fine leather or satin covered cups.
Foam or velvet will feel uncomfortable a lot quicker.
As long as the cups are large and comfortable, you will
cheerfully put up with other imperfections, but if they are
not comfortable, you will get very critical very quickly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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please donate what you can! |
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One night at the dinner table, the wife commented,
"When we were first married, you took the small piece
of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the
large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love
me any more..."
"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband,
"you just cook a lot better now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Smash Nuts for Baking
Do you ever need finely crushed nuts in your recipe,
but only have whole walnuts in your cupboard? No
problem! An easy way I discovered to crush the nuts
is to place them on a large sheet of wax paper, fold
the wax paper over the top of the nuts and use a
rolling pin to crush the nuts, pushing down and rolling.
No mess, no fuss, and easy!
By Linn from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really
worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued
from staying up all night long.
Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At
her age, that's not good at all."
The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Tech Support: "OK, Jose, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Programs."
Jose: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Jose."
Jose: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P', on your keyboard, Jose."
Jose: "I'm not going to do that!"
Tech Support: "Jose, I'm going to have to put you on hold
for a bit. One of the other techs here needs to have an
emergency hernia transplant."
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Monday, October 31, 2011, 01:54 PM -
Posted by Administrator
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks and months.
Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30?
In the ‘60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Don't worry about old age -- it doesn't last that long.
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Monday, October 31, 2011, 01:40 PM -
Posted by Administrator
Wanda the witch, on her broom
swept through the town yelling "ZOOM!"
through a perchance of luck
never heard the big truck
and she zoomed on her broom to her doom.
"Gentlemen please, all be seated,
I don't want this to be repeated,
I've gathered you here
to announce, with a tear:
I've never once been trick or treated!"
A Halloween bash in my street
was a night that will never repeat
the spirits that come
were tequila and rum
and I ended up drunk on my feet!
A werewolf was skinny, a freak
with a huge gummy grin he did speak
so, never eat French
coz, as well as the stench
your teeth will fall out in a week!
I'm sorry, I know it's my fault
my Halloween sins I should halt
but the neighbours' kids here
pissed me off for a year
so I laced all their candy with salt!
Dracula wailed to the sky
"My job really sucks" was his cry
"bloody paychecks
and I'm so sick of necks
what I'd like is a nice apple pie!"
An Egyptian prince was a dummy
drank too much, became a rummy
when the grim reaper came
and called out his name
he cried and he wailed for his Mummy!
Yesterday I met a priest
he was sitting enjoying a feast
when I questioned his conscience
he said "stuff and nonsense"
and gave me the sign of the beast.
Folks who hate folks make me grin
they're such lovely people within
we don't need walpurgis
the truth it should urge us
we're all skeletons, covered with skin.
Tricking and treating's a prank
but somebody really should thank
the Gods for the candy
to dentists it's dandy
they laugh all the way to the bank!
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