Humor: BCC for forwards 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



I was surprised that there was no mail at all about
"The sexiest man alive" article. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane. --- Nikola Tesla
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. After she pays her fee, the psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
>From Boris Things are always going wrong with a house. Yesterday, my wife called the plumber and when he came in he said, "Where's the drip?" She said, "Upstairs trying to fix the leak!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to William Bailey. 43, Canton, Ohio Sentenced To A Month In Jail After Taunting 10-Year-Old Girl With Cerebral Palsy At Bus Stop Reported by The Weekly Vice William Bailey, a 43-year-old Ohio man, was sentenced to a month in jail Tuesday after he was found guilty of harassing a 10-year-old girl with cerebral palsy by imitating the way she walks. According to police, an investigation was launched in September of this year after Bailey was caught on video taunting the girl at a bus stop. Investigators say victim, 10-year-old Hope Holcomb-Knight, was being harassed by kids on the school bus - but the situation got worse when Bailey joined in humiliation by dragging his leg behind him as he walked his son to their car at the bus stop. Bailey's son also mocked the girl by dragging his leg behind him. The incident was recorded on a cell phone camera by a family member who was waiting inside her car at the bus stop. The video was uploaded to YouTube and went viral as a result, and the publicity more or less forced the cops to do something about it. "It makes me sick too, to think that a grown man would tease a 10-year-old disabled girl that has never done a thing to any of them for no reason," said Mike Knight to a local news reporter. "Now she doesn't want to get on the bus and go to school." The taunting was reportedly just one of several incidents of harassment that have occurred between the two families over the past two years. Bailey, who lives next door to the Knight family, was arrested and charged with aggravated menacing and disorderly conduct. At trial, Bailey reportedly pleaded 'no contest' to the charges and was sentence to 29 days in jail.
Tech Support Pits From: Bruce Re: BCC Dear Webby, I receive forwarded e-mails with lots of valid addresses in them. I've been bugging people to cut and paste just the contents and to use BCC on e-mails. I contend that it will prevent lots of valid e-mail addresses from eventually being forwarded inadvertently to spammers. This doesn't always make me popular, because it's slightly more difficult. Am I just blowing smoke here? Thanks for the newsletter, Bruce Dear Bruce You are 100% right. Most of those silly forwards are just gullibility traps started by spammers. They want to harvest the most gullible newbies, so that they can sell their snake oil and fake Rolexes to them, and get them subscribed to Honest Abe's Stockmarket Tips. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Ross for these stats: Doctors: (A) The number of doctors in the US is 700,000 (B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000 (C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14% Statistics courtesy of the US Dept. of Health &Human Services Guns: (A) The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000 (yes that's 80 million) (B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. (C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875% Statistics courtesy of the FBI So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do. FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS A DOCTOR. Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We should ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand! Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention. Ross
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Curling Irons With teen girls in the house, it is a pain to keep curling irons, hair dryer, flat iron, etc tidy. I had an extra clean wastebasket (the small kind) and had an idea. It fits under my sink and I stand all of the above appliances inside. What a help! :) By Carol from Landisville, PA Pockets made from sawed off jeans or pants and hung like Chritmas stockings keep everybody's stuff neatly separated. Everybody can grab THEIR pocket, take it to the mirror or wherever, and when done, return it. You can even have a couple of pockets for guests. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the finances to get the congregation in a giving mood. "Don't worry," she said. "I'll think of something." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." Just at that moment, the organist started playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
» Snow & Ice Patterns


Today in 
1782 Britain signs agreement recognizing US independence
1803 Spain cedes her claims to Louisiana Territory to France 
1866 Work begins on 1st US underwater highway tunnel, Chicago 
1886 1st commercially successful American AC electric power 
   plant opens, Buffalo 
1924 1st photo facsimile transmitted across Atlantic by radio
1939 USSR invades Finland over a border dispute, causing
  Finland to ally with the Nazis until it becomes obvious, that 
  they will loose WWII. Then Finland switched to the winning side.
1947 Day after UN decree for Israel, Jewish settlements attacked 
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking 
1954 1st meteorite ( 8 lb ) known to strike a woman 
    (Liz Hodges-Sylacauga AL) 
1972 BBC bans Wings "Hi, Hi, Hi" 
1982 US sub Thomas Edison collides with US Navy 
   destroyer in So China Sea
1983 Radio Shack announces the Tandy Model 2000 
   computer (80186 chip) 
1991 93 cars & 11 truck accident near San Francisco 
   during a dust storm, 17 die 
2012  smiled


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Privacy and Fingerprint recognition 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 28

Thank you James in Australia!


The internet works in mysterious ways.





Details at metro-UK

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance. --- Havelock Ellis (1859 - 1939) Taxation with representation ain't so hot either. --- Gerald Barzan
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special, sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If I decided to live there permanently, away from civil- ization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife. She replied, "Initially probably you."
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Thanks to Dianne for this video: Click on the picture for the large version If your email program does not link the video properly, try this: Elk Video
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Russell Rodgers, 32, Red Bluff, CA Jailed After Beating Elderly Man To The Ground "Because He Is Old" Reported by The Weekly Vice Russell Rodgers, a 32-year-old California bonehead was jailed Monday after he attacked a 74-year-old man inside a Burger King bathroom simply because the victim was elderly. According to Red Bluff Police, 74-year-old Bill Bayless was using the restroom inside a Red Bluff area Burger King when Rodgers launched an assault on him simply because of his age. Police say Rodgers slammed the victim in the face with the door, knocking him to the ground. When the victim tried to get up, Rodgers hit him again with the door, saying "That is what I do to old people." Before leaving the restroom, Rodgers allegedly told the victim "I knocked you down because you are old." Rodgers was located a few hours later when he contacted the Tehama County Sheriff's Office to see why police were looking for him. Deputies convinced Rodgers to meet them at a local business where he was immediately taken into custody. Investigators say they are familiar with Rodgers, who lives in an encampment along the Sacramento River near the Antelope Blvd Bridge. "We've had several reports of verbal and physical disturbances with a subject matching his description," said Sgt. Michael Graham. Rodgers was booked into jail and charged with assault with a deadly weapon and elder abuse.
Tech Support Pits From: Vincenne Re: Fingerprint recognition and privacy Dear Webby You wrote that the cops use a different language for their fingerprints, and could not use the ones from doors and checkpoints. I am sure, if they wanted to, they cold use the checkpoint fingerprints. Vincenne Dear Vinenne The system the cops use ues vectors, descriptors of lines and curves. Keypads use dots. Both use side-lighting for contrast, and a crude scanner, that just knows black and white. While the police system then analyzes the lines and curves. The keypads overlay the scan with a mask, that has a whole bunch of tiny holes in it. If it sees a black dot in a hole, it records that as a 1, if it sees a white dot in that hole, it's a zero. It does that for all the holes. That mehod is good enough to recognize insiders, that have been recorded recently, but would be totally useless for the cops. In addition to that, a keypad has absolutely no information about you. It just knows that your thumb print pattern means User #3456. That's all. If somebody pried off that keypad and took it, it would not do them any good. Without the connection to the system it won't do anything, and when connected to a diferent system, it would cause permanent confusion with all the thumbs in it from people, who don't work over there. The reason the fingerprint recognition system works so well is because it is so simple. There has never been any abuse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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>From Penny Hostess Bakery Hostess Bakery plants shut down Friday due to a workers strike. It was Split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service Hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the Voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress. Penny
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Paper Clips to Hang Ornaments Are you trying to hang a Christmas ornament on the tree but you can't find your hooks? Take a paper clip and unfold it (lift the outer loop up as if you were opening a lid) so it is in the shape of a letter S. Hang your ornament on the bottom of the S and use the top to attach it to the tree! Instant hook and it is adjustable. By Trieschman from Carmel, IN Theoretically ALL dead fluorescent lights should be brought to approved disposal centers, along with baby thermometers. Old-fashioned NorthAmerican made lightbulbs can be disposed of in any way you feel like. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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This is a Classic from the days, when Chirac was president of France. Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ye!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is stil on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor," answers Paddy. Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boyos from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few jars of Guinness, and decided there is no damn way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Holy Cow! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
» Snow & Ice Patterns


Today in 
1812 Napoleon's Grand Army crosses Berezina River 
   during retreat from Russia
1864 Colorado militia kills 150 peaceful Cheyenne Indians
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrates the hand-cranked
    phonograph 
1887 US receives rights to Pearl Harbor, on Oahu, Hawaii 
1929 Lt Cmdr Richard E Byrd sends "My calculations indicate 
  that we have reached the vicinity of the South Pole"
 (He was wrong) 
1944 John Hopkins hospital performs 1st open heart surgery 
1947 UN Gen Assembly partitions Palestine between 
   Arabs & Jews 
1951 1st underground atomic explosion, Frenchman Flat, NV
1961 Mercury-Atlas 5 carries a chimp (Enos) to orbit 
1965 Dale Cummings does 14,118 consecutive sit-ups
1975 Kilauea Volcano erupts in Hawaii 
1994 Russian aircraft bomb Chechen capital of Grozney 
2012  smiled


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fingerprint recognition 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 28

The internet works in mysterious ways.
Natalie, my friend and senior tech lives in Kharkiv, Ukraine.
Today a big high pressure hot water pipe for the municipal
central heating broke half a block away from her.

Somebody took some video of that and uploaded it to YouTube.
From Ukraine, Europe, to California, North America.
No big deal.

Then a Ukrainian TV station copied the movie off YouTube and
showed it all across Ukraine. California to Ukraine.

Natalie's father in Kyiev saw that and skyped her about it.
Natalie asked sone friends on FaceBook about details 
Ukraine to California

They found the YouTube URL for her.
California to Ukraine.
She recognized the building half a block away, and finally
knew why her radiators had gone cold.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. --- James Thorpe (1888 - 1953) The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. --- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946)
>From Richi A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, “Where would man be today if it were not for woman?” She paused a moment and looked around the room. “I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?” From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries and hogging the computer.”
WHAT IS A CAT? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. WHAT IS A DOG? 1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they go to sleep. 7. They are great at begging. 8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. 9. They leave their toys everywhere. 10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
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Click on the picture for the large version Messy sniper, but the shoes are shiny!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Arteesha Donaldson, 24, Rock Hill, SC Missing Sex Toy Triggered Domestic Assault Reported by The Smoking Gun A Thanksgiving Day argument over a misplaced sex toy escalated into an ironing board assault of a South Carolina woman by her live-in girlfriend, cops report. According to a police report, officers Thursday afternoon went to the Rock Hill apartment shared by Arteesha Donaldson, 24, and Latoya Hudson, 28, in response to a domestic dispute report. Hudson told cops that Donaldson “began looking for her detachable latex penis” and became upset at her when she could not find the item. “Hudson states the two argued for several minutes, when Donaldson threw an ironing board at Hudson,” police reported. At that point, Donaldson’s brother allegedly joined the fray, which left Hudson with a sore head (though she declined medical attention). While Donaldson, pictured above, admitted engaging in “mutual combat” with her girlfriend, she denied throwing the ironing board at Hudson and said her brother only tried to break up the fight. Donaldson, who had an active warrant in a neighboring county, was arrested for misdemeanor assault and battery. The Rock Hill Police Department report offers no further information on the whereabouts of Donaldson’s detachable latex penis or damage to the ironing board.
Tech Support Pits From: Jacqi Re: Fingerprint recognition keypads Dear Webby You're a down to earth type – I just wondered what your opinion would be of the latest security device my employers are in the office. In order to enter the offices (not the building but just by the elevators) there is a fingerprint recognition device. It hasn't been formally introduced so I don't know all the details, but am I being a stick in the mud for objecting to this? No I don't work in a government office with sensitive info. Nor do I work for a company that prints money or bonds. It's just the finance offices for a hire company, and no, there is no money on the premises (apart from what's in my purse etc) I would appreciate your feed back before I start really complaining. thanks a lot Jacqui Dear Jacqui Don't complain! That would make you as moronic a bonehead as that Mexican, who objects to RFID cards in Texas schools. That Fingerprint recognition keypad is NOT connected to the cops or Interpol or anybody, and does not even talk the same language.. That keypad has a brain like a pocket calculator. It stores 100 to 250 points of your thumb, just enough to recognize it. When it does recognize it, it unlocks the door. If you got a band aid on your thumb, then it plays stupid and makes you punch in your number. If your door entry system is connected to payroll or a printer or has the ability to download the data to a computer, that will continue to work the same as it always has. The only difference will be one letter indicating whether you used the keypad or the fingerprint recognition. For example: 09:07 0069 0001 F Time Employee# Entrance# Mode In plain English that means: At 7 minutes past 9 am employee #69 entered at door #1 and used the Fingerprint recognition mode. That's all. Nothing about your bra size or weight or naughty habits. If your Mode is K too often, they will get you to re-scan your thumb or figure out why you use the inconvenient key mode. Just like an RFID belt button or card or lanyard, your thumb does not store private infomation like bra size or weight. It simply identifies you without making a big hassle about it. Door entry systems use a totally different method to look at fingerprints from what the cops use. They don't even talk the same language. The cops would not know what to do with the internal data of the fingerprint reader, even if could be extracted. The entry system just delivers a long strip with data like in that example. If you use time cards, like the old-fashioned cardboard cards, that you take from the right, stick into the clock for stamping and unlocking the door, and then put it into your slot on the left, it does the same thing, except it shows to anybody and everybody that your card is either on the OUT or the IN rack, and usually the cards also have info for people to make wake-up calls. The fingerprint or the RFID system does exactly the same, just offering you more privacy and conveninece. I used to install RFID entry systems in the 80's and 90's. There is absolutely no privacy concern with those or fingerprint recognition entry systems. The same applies to keyboards that have a fingerprint reader. You assign your passwrd to your fingerprint. The fingerprint data inside your keyboard would be totally useless to cops, since they use a different system. They would get your fingerprints from your coffee cup, if they need them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Judi was talking to Monika one morning about a recent NASA new article. Judi said, "I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of stars and their size and temperatures and all that. But there's one thing I can't figure out." "What's that?" Monika asked. "How do they find out what the stars' names are?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Bulbs to Approved Disposal Center When it comes to disposal and/or cleanup of CFL light bulbs, the most important and thorough information comes from the Environmental Protection Agency. Proper end result disposal is not going out with your regular trash, but rather taken to an approved disposal center. Most Home Depot stores will take them for proper disposal even if your city or county offers the same service. By Deeli from Richland, WA Theoretically ALL dead fluorescent lights should be brought to approved disposal centers, along with baby thermometers. Old-fashioned NorthAmerican made lightbulbs can be disposed of in any way you feel like. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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One Click Privacy Secure your computer with one click. Keep your activities 100% private with One Click Privacy

Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?" "Two for a quarter," answered the vendor. "How much is just one?" she asked. "Fifteen cents," answered the vendor. "Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Goldberg.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman visited a psychic in the local village. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader asked her if the initial of her first name was "H". When the woman confirmed, that it was indeed so, the psychic delivered the bad news; "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt, prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband Bill will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked: "Will I get away with it?
» Ahhhh Nuts


Today in 
1520 Ferdinand Magellan begins crossing Pacific Ocean
1795 US pays $800,000 & a frigate as ransom to Algiers & Tunis
1871 Ku Klux Klan trials began in Federal District Court in SC
1895 America's 1st auto race starts; 6 cars, 55 miles, 
   winner averages 7 MPH
1922 Capt Cyril Turner (RAF) gave 1st skywriting exhibition (NYC). 
   Turner spelled out "Hello USA. Call Vanderbilt 7200." 
   47,000 called 
1929 Adm Richard E Byrd makes 1st South Pole flight 
1942 Nearly 500 die in a fire that destroyed Coconut Grove 
   nightclub in Boston MA 
1943 FDR, Churchill & Stalin met at Tehran to map out strategy
1964 Mariner 4 launched; 1st probe to fly by Mars 
1979 Air New Zealand DC-10 crashes in Antarctica killing 257
1988 Picasso's "Acrobat & Harlequin" sells for $38.46 million 
2012  smiled


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Google Earth Placemarks 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 27



Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. --- William S. Burroughs
My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, and he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath." I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."
Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please stand up?" My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"
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Click on the picture for the large version Statue in Lisse, Pays-Bas, Holland
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shenika Allsup, 27, Annapolis, Maryland Jailed After Repeatedly Stabbing Brother In Neck During Thanksgiving Dinner Reported by The Weekly Vice Shenika Allsup, a 27-year-old Annapolis woman was jailed on Thursday after she allegedly stabbed her brother in the neck with a serving fork during Thanksgiving dinner. According to Annapolis police, Allsup and her half-brother, 23-year-old Antionio Wallace, got into a heated argument Thanksgiving day which turned violent around 9:30 p.m. as the pair were finishing up dinner. That's when Allsup reportedly picked up a large serving fork and repeatedly stabbed her brother in the neck with it. When officers arrived on the scene, they found the victim with two stab wounds at the base of his neck, and blood on his t-shirt. He was taken to the Anne Arundel Medical Center where he was treated for non life- threatening injuries. Allsup was booked into jail and charged with first-degree assault, second-degree assault, and reckless endangerment. She is currently being held in lieu of a $1,000,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Renee Re: Google-Earth placemarks Dear Webby I have Google-Earth placemarks, those .kmz files, but when I send them to people, they can't do anything with them. What am I doing wrong? Renee Dear Renee Just the placemark alone does not give them a link to install Google-Earth. Open the program, go to the place that you want to share, rightclick on your placemark and select email. That opens a mail and you can type in the addresses of your friends. They will then get an email that will open Google-Earth, if they have it, and fly to the placemark, or it will help them download and install it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Mold from Non-Bleachable Surfaces Of course, we all know that bleach does a great job of getting rid of mold from any surface, but if you don't want that surface discolored (like carpeting, decking etc.), use vinegar. This will take the mold out without any discoloration! By Beverly C. from Hanover Twp., PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that still amaze me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'"
» Honey


Today in 
1701 Anders Celsius Sweden, scientist, inventor, was born
1095 Pope Urban II preaches to 1st Crusade 
1895 Alfred Nobel establishes Nobel Prize 
1942 French navy at Toulon scuttles ships & subs so 
   Nazis don't take them
1951 1st rocket to intercept an airplane, White Sands, NM 
1971 Soviet Mars 2 becomes 1st spacecraft to land on Mars
2012  smiled


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Sending Google Earth Placemarks 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 26

Sorry for the late mailing.
The server was under attack and we had to shut most 
services down to fight the attack and restore everything.
Everything is OK again now.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Getting caught is the mother of invention. --- Robert Byrne The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it. --- Patrick Young
>From Mona: I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said yes. She asked me, "Single click or double click?"
At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Patty," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't," agreed Patty, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't lay a brick to save his life!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lisa Footer, Teacher Caught Having Sex With Student In Convenience Store Parking Lot Reported by The Weekly Vice Lisa Footer, a 44-year-old Spanish teacher at Canandaigua Academy was charged Wednesday after she allegedly had an ongoing sexual relationship with a 16-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched Saturday after she was caught having sex with the student in a convenience store parking lot. Footer was reportedly introduced to the student by a third party during the summer. A sexual relationship quickly developed between Footer and the student, which continued for several months. Investigators say sexual encounters between the pair occurred in various locations, including the home Footer shares with her husband and two sons. Police do not believe any sexual encounters took place on school grounds. Footer was booked into jail and charged with third-degree sexual abuse, forcible touching and endangering the welfare of a child. Footer has also been placed on administrative leave by the school district pending the outcome of the investigation.
Tech Support Pits From: Renee Re: Google-Earth placemarks Dear Webby I have Google-Earth placemarks, those .kmz files, but when I send them to people, they can't do anything with them. What am I doing wrong? Renee Dear Renee Just the placemark alone does not give them a link to install Google-Earth. Open the program, go to the place that you want to share, rightclick on your placemark and select email. That opens a mail and you can type in the addresses of your friends. They will then get an email that will open Google-Earth, if they have it, and fly to the placemark, or it will help them download and install it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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A little boy just couldn't learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. He didn't know. For almost a week she asked him the same question every day, but still he couldn't come up with the right answer. Finally, in desperation, she called the boy's father to her office. "Your boy won't tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence," she complained. "Come here, son, and sit down," the dad said to the boy. "Now if you signed that crazy thing, just admit it so we can get out of here!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Binder Clips in the Kitchen I use binder clips in my kitchen. They keep chip bags closed tightly. Along with using on cold cereal bags or any bag that needs to stay closed inside of a box or on it's own. I also use them to keep frozen vegetable bags tightly closed. The freezer does not hurt them and they are still easy to use. They are easier to use and handle than twisting wire. By fun2go from Frankfort, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground. The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter. The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch. "How did you do that?" asked one of his friends. "Easy, my watch is 20 minutes slow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When a woman wears leather clothing, A man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? Because she smells like a new truck.
» Equine Beauty


Today in 
1703 Bristol England damaged by hurricane, Royal Navy loses 
   15 warships
1716 1st lion exhibited in America (Boston)
1778 Capt Cook discovers Maui (Sandwich Islands) 
1832 1st streetcar railway in America starts operating (NYC)
1885 1st meteor photograph
1940 After they riot, Nazis force 500,000 Warsaw Jews to live 
   in walled ghetto
1941 Lebanon gains independence from France
1950 China enters Korean conflict, sends troops across 
   Yalu River 
1965 France launches 1st satellite, 92 lb (42 kg) (Asterix) 
1966 1st major tidal power plant opens at Rance estuary, France 
1983 Heathrow Airport, robbed of 6,800 gold bars worth 
   $38.7 million 
1990 Matsushita purchases MCA for $6.6 billion
1990 Mikhail Gorbachev tells Iraq to get out of Kuwait
1991 Condoms are handed out to thousands of NY High School students 
2012  smiled


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How to get rid of Incredimail? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 25

RFID (Radio Frequency ID) tags are in the news again.
They are used to track school attendance and for locating
students. 
Andrea Hernandez, a student at John Jay High School in 
San Antonio, TX, refuses to wear hers. She claims it is 
against her religion to record, whether she sleeps in classes 
or sleeps at home, or whether she is in a classroom or in 
the cafeteria. 

Hiring people to manually track attendance at each checkpoint 
would be prohibitively expensive, so RFID tracking is the only
reasonable solution for large schools, that are required to
track attendance. 

RFID tags are identical to touchless entry cards available with
many security systems for over twenty years. A frame, similar 
to shoplifter alarm arches projects a magetic field that induces
a tiny bit of electricity in the card, which then blurts it's number
via a brief radio signal. That radio signal only goes a foot or two,
and is read by the frame, decyphered, and sent on to the 
central computer. 

With security systems, the computer then opens the door and 
records exactly when Little Johnny came through the door.

There is no private information involved, just WHO, WHEN.

When Hernandez refused to wear the RFID card, the school
told her that they can not afford manual checkpoints and they 
would have to exclude her, if she refuses to cooperate.
Which makes sense to me.

However, now a judge sided with her and ordered a stay of her
expulsion, while her lawyers are trying to run up the expenses 
of the school.

The funny thing is, they are not really tracking the "religious"
bimbo, but whether the school district can improve the 
attendance figures and merit a bit more money from the state.

There is also a safety aspect. In an emergency, the computer 
can tell how many students are still left in an endangered 
wing, or whether it has been successfully evacuated.

RFID are basically touch-less time cards and have been used 
in industry and commerce for 25 years. They are no invasion
of privacy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"If you wouldst live long, live well, for folly and wickedness shorten life." --- Benjamin Franklin An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. --- Charles F. Kettering No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin
Fred's wife asked him to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. He went and looked around and couldn't find any. So he grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at him and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
A Pigeon Rights fanatics drone was shot down, again, on Nov 18, when it invaded the privacy of the private Wing Pointe Shooting Club in Berks County, Pennsylvania. This is the fourth drone, that the fanatics lost lately. It seems, the drones are just as easy to shoot down a s clay or real pigeons, when they fly illegally below 150 feet altitude. Shooting pigeons, -or drones flying below 150 feet-. is not against the law, and seems to be great fun. Since they have bagged every drone, that invaded their privacy, the cops are just laughing and don't plan to do anything about it.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Katie Miller, 22, Fort Wayne, IN Jailed After Repeatedly Striking Ex-Boyfriend With Car, Running Him Over After She Noticed Her Car Was Damaged From Her Assault Reported by The Weekly Vice Katie Miller, a 22-year-old Indiana woman, has been jailed after she allegedly ran into her boyfriend repeatedly with her car, then ran over his leg as she fled the parking lot. According to police, officers were called to an apartment complex parking lot after receiving a report of a 'hit and run' accident. When officers arrived at the scene, they found a man laying in the parking lot who was later diagnosed with a fractured leg. The man told officers that his ex-girlfriend, Katie Miller, ran him over with her vehicle after the pair had an argument about their recent relationship. Investigators say the incident began when Miller picked the victim up from a party and drove him back to the apartment, so he could pick up his dog. During the drive, Miller and the victim reportedly argued about his attendance at the party. When the pair arrived at the apartment complex, they began arguing about their relationship and the reasons behind their recent break-up. At some point in the dispute, Miller ordered her ex-boyfriend out of the car, and he complied with her demand not realizing that he left his cell phone inside her car. As Miller started to pull out of the parking lot, the victim stepped in front of her vehicle and motioned towards the cell phone laying in the passenger's seat. Miller wanted to keep his phone and ignored his gestures and repeatedly bumped him with her vehicle so he would move out of the way. When the ex-boyfriend backed away from the car, Miller punched the gas and struck the victim, throwing him onto the hood of her car. The victim grabbed a windshield wiper on the car to brace himself, however, he was thrown from the car. The windshield wiper was bent as a result. When Miller noticed the damage to her car, she reportedly yelled "look what you did to my car" before fleeing the scene. "I begged her to take me to the hospital, but she just looked at me and left," the ex-boyfriend told police. Miller was booked into the Allen County Jail and charged with felony battery and criminal recklessness. Her bond has been set at $10,750. It is not clear whether the victim got his phone back.
Tech Support Pits From: Sig Re: How do I get rid of Incredimail? Dear Webby, Your newsletter is fantastic. I like your jokes and admire the pictures. I follow your health problems, shutter about injections in the eyes. My hard drive decided after a few month to quit. Good to have a backup drive with the data. Please remind your readers to buy the software disks. I tried to save the few dollars. Now I regret this decision as I have to re-purchase some of the software. The repair shop made IncediMail my email client. Now I have the annoyance with the "Mystart" toolbar. Event though I uninstalled IncrediMail this toolbar persists in my browser. The blinking lights, telling me my computer is slow, the other advertising is hard on my eyes (80+ years). Can you help? The internet advice so far has been useless. Sig Dear Sig When you buy software, print out the confirmation email with the serial number, or at least the purchase date and info. And put that into the ziplock bag with the machine info. Or file that paper, if you are the organized type. I imagine you told that repair shop what you think about them handicapping you with Incredimail. Most likely your computer is totally infected with that crap. 800+ files and 1200 registry keys. Incredimail claims that a normal uninstall should work, but a lot of people have found it doesn't completely get rid of it. Telling that repair shop that, if they don't totally remove that crap RFN, you will contact the local media and warn the general population about that shop, is one option. Another option is to purchase a $5 program from PC-Hell. It promises to completely get rid of that crap. Their site is at http://www.pchell.com/support/incredimail.shtml If I had to get rid of Incredimail from somebody's machine, I would buy that little program. You can purchase that uninstaller with PayPal. That gives you a 60 day warranty. Have FUN! DearWebby
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On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Binder Clips in the Kitchen I use binder clips in my kitchen. They keep chip bags closed tightly. Along with using on cold cereal bags or any bag that needs to stay closed inside of a box or on it's own. I also use them to keep frozen vegetable bags tightly closed. The freezer does not hurt them and they are still easy to use. They are easier to use and handle than twisting wire. By fun2go from Frankfort, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that. "Easy," he said. "all the really bad cab drivers are dead now."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Chris: OFFICE MEMO Please note that at this year's company party there will be only one cup of liquor per person. Please bring your own cup. They did.
» Baku Carpet Mueseum


Today in 
1715 1st English patent granted to an American, 
   for processing corn 
1834 Delmonico's, one of NY's finest restaurants, 
   provides a meal of soup, steak, coffee & half a pie 
   for 12 cents 
1867 Alfred Nobel invents dynamite
1884 John B Meyenberg of St Louis patents evaporated milk
1947 New Zealand becomes a dominion
1973 Bloodless military coup ousts Greek President 
   George Papadopoulos
1976 Viking 1 radio signal from Mars help prove
    general theory of relativity  
1983 World's greatest robbery- GBP 25,000,000 of gold, 
   Heathrow, England 
1986 Iran-Contra affair erupts, President Reagan 
   reveals secret arm deal 
1990 Lech Walesa wins in Poland's 1st popular election 
2012  smiled


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How to get rid of icon borders 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 24


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Language is the source of misunderstandings. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. --- Dandemis I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. --- Tom Stoppard There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that the older generation didn't outgrow. --- Socratex
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."
"How does Janice like being pregnant?" asked friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" asked. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet, etc."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ray Charron, 37, Land O'Lakes, Florida Jailed After Climbing Up Tree To Avoid Arrest, Refused To Come Back Down For Eleven Hours Reported by The Weekly Vice Ray Charron, a 37-year-old Florida man was jailed Saturday after he allegedly tried to steal a man's bike, then fled police by climbing up a tree. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the intersection of Bell Lake and Padgett roads after the victim called 911 to report that his bike had been stolen. When deputies arrived, the victim stated that he had been riding his bike when Charron pushed him off the bike and then placed it into the bed of his truck. When the deputy tried to question Charron about the incident, he became combative and fought with the officer. When the deputy called for assistance, Charron used the opportunity to climb up a 30-foot tree. Deputies repeatedly asked Charron to come back down, but he refused, creating an 11-hour stand-off with deputies that lasted from 2 p.m. that afternoon until 1 a.m. when Charron finally surrendered. Charron was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with robbery, battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. Bail in his case has been set at $15,000. Charron has a long list of prior offenses that include battery, domestic battery, criminal mischief, contempt of court and robbery.
Tech Support Pits From: Verna Re: How do I get rid of icon borders? Dear Webby, I was mucking with my Desktop and as a result there are borders around the icons again! Tried some of the solutions on the net - but not working like whatever you told me before. OS is XP. Thanks again for your help. Here you see me Cow checking in winter, Beechy style Verna Dear Verna With XP it usually helps to make sure that the icons are not aligned to a grid. Right-click on the destop, andgo from there and take checkmarks off until things look OK again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her 2 sons, the older 5 and the younger 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here," she said, "he would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Pancakes, Waffles Or Sausage With Scissors Cut Pancakes, Waffles Or Sausage With Scissors While working with special needs students/children, I've learned some quick and easy ways to cut their breakfast. I use a pair of clean scissors to make bite sized pieces. The use of plastic knives (usually not available for safety reasons anyway) with Styrofoam trays did not work very well. With the food cut in manageable pieces, the students/children can now use a fork and have good manners! This is also a great idea for toddlers with busy moms/care takers. By Beverly C. from Hanover Twp., PA A 3" - 4" rolling wheel pizza cutter works even better. It works fine even with waffles, that are loaded with berries and whipped cream, and of course any type of pizza. You can usually get them for $5 - $15 and as long as you don't use them for cutting linoleum, you can even use them to cut cloth for sewing projects. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Two little girls were sitting in the lunchroom of an elementary school in Beverly Hills. "Guess what," one said. "Mommy's getting married again, so I'll have a new daddy." "Really," said the other girl. "Who's she marrying?" "Winston James, the famous director." "Oh, you'll like him," the other girl exclaimed. "He was my daddy last fall."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week after the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too close together!"
» Glass Art


Today in 
166 -BC- Origin of Era of Maccabees 
1639 1st observation of transit of Venus occurred
1759 Destructive eruption of Vesuvius 
1859 Charles Darwin publishes "On the Origin of Species" 
1874 Joseph F Glidden patents barbed wire 
1903 Clyde Coleman of NYC patents automobile electric starter
1944 US bombers based on Saipan, 1st attack Tokyo 
1949 Britain nationalizes its steel & iron industry 
1963 1st live murder on TV-Jack Ruby shoots Lee Harvey Oswald
1966 400 die of respiratory failure & heart attack in killer NYC smog
1983 PLO exchanges 6 Israeli prisoners for 4,500 
   Palestinians & Lebanese 
1989 Communist Party resigns in Czechoslovakia 
2012  smiled


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Can't get newsletter at both addresses 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Hamas claims victory in the completed 8 day confrontation
with Israel. The Israelis are glad that this round of 
"cutting the grass" is over, for now. 

In a way, the Palestinians DID win. Hillary used her skills
at being owly to intimidate the heads of the numerous factions
of Palestinians enough, so that they meekly decided to 
cooperate, just to placate the ol dragon.

In the short run, they might even cooperate a bit, but in the
long run, they will diverge and go their separate ways again.
It's the Palestinian way. 

The real winners, though, were Iran and the USA.
Both sold an awful lot of missiles. 

Originally England split "The Holy Land" in such a way as
to guarantee future weapons sales. They were quite successful
at that, even though they got marginalized and only supply 
unarmed reporters in that particular conflict.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. --- Samuel Johnson You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. --- Indira Gandhi
While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a private waved to someone in the audience. "Jones, never do that again!" the drill instructor whispered. But a few minutes later, the soldier waved a second time. Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI stormed in and barked for Jones to come front and center. "Son, you knew I was going to see you," he screamed. "You knew it was wrong. Aren't you afraid of me?" "Yes, sir!" replied Jones. "But you don't know my mother!"
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason Price, 49 in South Salt Lake, Utah Jailed After Attempting To Slay Child's Pet Rabbit With Sword During Sleepover Reported by The Weekly Vice Jason Price, a 49-year-old Utah man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly attacked a child's pet rabbit with a sword while he was a guest in the family's home. According to South Salt Lake Police, Price had been invited to spend the night with a family friend last week when the home owner woke up at about 5 a.m. Tuesday to the sound of his daughter screaming. When the home owner went to investigate, he found Price attempting to hold the rabbit down with one hand while wielding a 2 1/2 foot sword in the other hand. Investigators say Price was attempting to hold the rabbit still so he could kill the animal. When Price was confronted by the home owner, he retaliated by slicing the man's hand with the sword before fleeing the scene. Price was located a few blocks away from the victims' home and taken into custody. He was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault and cruelty to animals. The rabbit reportedly suffered an injured leg during the attack.
Tech Support Pits From: Patti Re: Not getting the Humor Letter at both addresses Dear Webby, I get Dear Webby at home with a different email address. Because life is perverse, I can't use that email account at work. I would, however, like to get Dear Webby Humor Letter at this address as well, sometimes RoadRunner eats my mail. Sometimes I want to read stuff at work. I tried to subscribe with this email address, my work address. It told me that I can't subscribe because my address is already in the database. I got today's issue at home and have not gotten it at this address. Something is amiss. Checking two different accounts on a frequent basis is about all I can manage. I would really like to get the humor letter at this address. Thank you Patti Dear Patti When it tells you that you are already on the database, then that means the Humor Letter is being sent out to you every morning. If you don't see it, then your spam control is eating it. Putting "humor@webby.com" into your friends list of all of your mail programs should take care of that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Gramma Jones tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe to my fifth floor apartment all the time!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Pancakes, Waffles Or Sausage With Scissors Cut Pancakes, Waffles Or Sausage With Scissors While working with special needs students/children, I've learned some quick and easy ways to cut their breakfast. I use a pair of clean scissors to make bite sized pieces. The use of plastic knives (usually not available for safety reasons anyway) with Styrofoam trays did not work very well. With the food cut in manageable pieces, the students/children can now use a fork and have good manners! This is also a great idea for toddlers with busy moms/care takers. By Beverly C. from Hanover Twp., PA A 3" - 4" rolling wheel pizza cutter works even better. It works fine even with waffles, that are loaded with berries and whipped cream, and of course any type of pizza. You can usually get them for $5 - $15 and as long as you don't use them for cutting linoleum, you can even use them to cut cloth for sewing projects. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those two nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy with the bicycle..
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. I could have sworn to it. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."
» Macy's 2012 Parade


Today in 
1832 French take Antwerp in liberation of Belgium 
1835 Henry Burden patents Horseshoe manufacturing machine, Troy, NY 
1852 Just past midnight, a sharp jolt causes Lake Merced to drop 30' (9m) 
1863 Patent granted for a process of making color photographs 
1868 Louis Ducos du Hauron patents trichrome color photo process 
1899 1st jukebox (Palais Royal Hotel, San Francisco) 
1948 Lens to provide zoom effects patented-FG Back 
1960 Tiros 2, a weather satellite is launched 
1980 4,800 die in series of earthquakes that devastated southern Italy 
1985 58 die as Egyptian commandos storm hijacked Egyptair jet in Malta
1991 Evander Hollyfield retains HW boxing title, KOs Bert Cooper in 7
2012  smiled


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Save My Tabs not recording 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 22

Thank you David!

Happy Thanksgiving Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget. --- Michael McShane If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? --- Laurence J. Peter ----------------- I saw a clean desk at Ikea, once!
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this. "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
Two diners at a very swanky eatery were shocked to see on the menu a dish of "hickory-smoked possum jowls in pancake syrup." They summoned a waiter to complain. Their waiter looked at the menu. Then he threw it down and yelled to the owner in the kitchen, "Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into French again!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tyler Marshall, 20 and Brittany Siler, 19 in Manatee County, Florida Busted For Battering Ex-Girlfriend After She Gave Assessment Of His Penis A Florida man is facing a domestic battery count after he allegedly slapped and bit his girlfriend after she told him, post breakup, “Your penis is small.” Tyler Marshall, 20, was arrested yesterday and charged with a felony in connection with the confrontation last week with Brittany Siler, 19. Marshall is locked up in the Manatee County jail. According to a probable cause affidavit, Siler told sheriff’s deputies that she had been living with Marshall, but that they were evicted “because of their arguments.” Soon thereafter, Siler reported, Marshall broke up with her. Siler “stated that [Marshall] was being verbally abusive to her,” so she told him, “Your penis is small.” Her ex allegedly responded to that cutting assessment by slapping Siler’s face and biting the tip of her nose. Court records show that Siler (seen here) and Marshall have both been arrested for battery during the past year.
Tech Support Pits From: Nate Re: Save My Tabs not recording Dear Webby, I used to use that Save My Tabs add-on to record all open tabs, no matter how badly Windows crashed. That worked finr for a few years, but When Windows 7 did that Phantom Drive BS, it stopped working. How do I get it going again? Nate Dear Nate In your browser, click on Tools, Addons highlight "Save My Tabs", click on Options and set the destination drive to what it happens to be nowadays. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Lorne comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore . . ." Lorne sighs and says, "It's started . . "
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Roast Poultry Moist To keep the breast of roast fowl from drying out while the legs cook, cover the white meat with cloth dipped in oil after the first hour in the oven. By Monica from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Some new Church Bulletin Board Bloopers * Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to recovery, for which we are thankful. * The Jack and Kill Daycare is looking for someone to help part time on Saturdays. * Our Wednesday Night Family Cafeteria meal will feature a variety of Chinese dishes including One Ton Soup. * Events: December 9th, Christmas Caroling at the Parkview Nursing Home 7:00 p.m., December 10th, Breakfast with Satan 6:00 to 9:00 a.m. in the Fellowship Hall. * Saturday the Youth Group will Serenade a number of our Seniors with Christmas Thongs. * Last Saturday the Men's Group had a great fellowship that included good conversation and delicious coffee. Special thanks to Kate Michels for providing teats. * The Youth Group had a scavenger hunt, did face painting, and played a game called, "Find the gun." They had a great time. * The Pastor's Corner: A Personal Massage from Jesus. * Don't forget to make some New Year's Resolutions. It's a great way to start off with a new ear. * Due to Construction on the North side of the parking lot, we will soon be changing entrances. Please exit the new driveway which is the one in between the old entrance and the old exit. Please exit from the new exit which is the old entrance. * What are you doing for Lunch Tuesday? Local Funeral Director Barry Gilbert will talk about the benefits of cremation. * The Riegieman Chiropractic Center will host Kid's Day this Saturday. They'll be treating the youth group to spinal exams, backpack checks, I.D. Cards, etc.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work. He looked quite concerned at one notation. "I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone." He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and not what he thought.
» Bolivia


Today in 
1809 Peregrine Williamson of Baltimore patents a steel pen 
1842 Mount St Helens in Washington, erupts 
1910 Arthur Knight patents steel shaft golf clubs
1932 Gas Pump patented that computes quantity delivered & price 
1963 Beatles release their 2nd album "With the Beatles" in the UK
1967 BBC unofficially bans "I am the Walrus" by the Beatles 
1975 Juan Carlos proclaimed king of Spain
1977 Regular Concorde passenger service begins 
1980 Georgia tanker at Pilottown La, spills 1.3 million gallons of oil 
   after an anchor chain caused a ship to leak 
1990 George Bush visits US troops in Saudi Arabia during 
   Thanksgiving 
2012  smiled


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iexplore attack 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 21

Thank you Gordon!

Got my yearly physical done today. Somehow I missed last
year. Sugar was OK, weight had crept up a bit, but Cholesterol
was too low! Huh? Yes, the BAD cholesterol was apparently
0.23, and they did not know what causes that.

So I told them that that always happens before somebody dies,
...
never afterwards. They were not so sure about that, though.
So now they are probably going to check some mummies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Ignorance does not exempt us from suffering. Knowledge protects us from suffering." --- José Silva You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. --- Vicomte de Chateaubriand
A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's counter. The lady asks, "What in the world is that?" "Beef tongue," replies the butcher! The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!" The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman's shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs!"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher, "They say I died!!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from???"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Julie Franck, 36, Chicago, Illinois Jailed After Repeatedly Using Stun Gun On Her Own Mother Before Stealing $40,000 Engagement Ring Julie Franck, a 36-year-old Chicago woman was jailed Friday after she and an accomplice allegedly Tased her own mother 15 times before fleeing with a $40,000 engagement ring. According to Chicago police, on October 9th, Franck and an accomplice reportedly donned ski masks and then broke into her 55-year-old mother's residence to rob her. During the robbery, Franck and the accomplice used a stun gun on her mother 15 times before stealing a $40,000 engagement ring, several credit cards and $200 in cash. Before Franck was able to flee the scene, a neighbor who was at the residence pulled off Franck's ski mask and was able to identify her as the victim's daughter. The victim was taken to a local hospital where she was treated and released for non-life threatening injuries. Franck, who is currently pregnant, was booked into the Cook County Jail and charged with armed robbery. She is currently being held in lieu of $300,000 bail. The accomplice has not yet been identified, and no information was available as to why Franck wasn't arrested until more than a month after the assault.
Tech Support Pits From: Joy Re: iexplore Dear Webby, Iexplore has appeared on my computer and is causing problems, such as crashes, etc. I have completely restored my computer and run all sorts of scans, but nothing works. Can you tell me how to get rid of it? Joy Dear Joy iexplore is the code name for Internet Explorer. That in turn is caused by a bug called Windows. All kidding aside, iexplore (Internet Explorer) is a necessary part of Windows, even if you use a different browser. A lot of things don't work properly if you try to get rid of iexplore. If your computer has any problems, they are elsewhere. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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>From Ann I asked d the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I'd been 'putering', And I had to answer "yes." He told me to get off my butt And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up... The smudges off my mouse. I wiped and shined the topside. That really did the trick... I was just admiring my work... I didn't mean to 'click.' But click, I did, and oops I found A real absorbing site That I got SO way into... I was into it all night.<> Nothing's changed except my mouse It's very, very shiny. I guess my house will stay a mess... While I sit here on my hiney .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Excess Cranberries Cranberries are cheapest now, and unavailable at many times of the year. Buy extra and just stick them in the freezer as is. Frozen berries can be used in all recipes calling for fresh. By Linda from Vista, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Cohen turned to his wife... "Show him your tooth, Sarah."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
During parachute class the instructor took time to anwser any of our silly First Timer Questions. One guy asked: "If our chute doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have til we hit the ground?" Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan anwsered: "The whole rest of your life."
» Funky Construction


Today in 
1783 Pilstre de Rozier & Marquis d'Arlandes 1st 
   free balloon flight 
1794 Honolulu Harbor discovered
1818 Russia's Czar Alexander I petitions for a Jewish state
   in Palestine 
1877 Tom Edison announces his "talking machine" invention
1935 1st commercial crossing of Pacific by plane (China Clipper) 
1977 1st flight of the Concorde (London to New York) 
1990 Signing of Declaration of "End of Cold war" in Paris 
2012  smiled


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Offline Content 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 20

Thank you, John M!

Got blood, urine and EKG test done. 
Today is the big Annual at the doctor, where he pokes and 
prods and knocks and does mysterious things for half an 
hour, and hems and haws and makes surprised and 
concerned sounds and usually tries to talk me into getting 
a flu shot. No, thank you. I don't think I would like the
new and improved flu. I have refused to have he shots
and the flu for twenty years, and will continue to refuse
them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Remember: "...that whoever is not a liberal when young has no heart, whoever is not a conservative when middle-aged has no brain, and whoever is still either a liberal or a conservative at age seventy-eight has no sense of humor." --- Herbert Stein
Man: "My wife has the worst memory I ever heard of." Friend: "Forgets everything, eh?" Man: "No, remembers everything."
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trunk-monkey and victim Jonathon Salas, 29, and Leidy Amu, 19 Jailed After Speeding Down Highway With Girlfriend Clinging To To Car's Hood Jonathon Salas, of Gwinnett County Georgia, was arrested Tuesday after he allegedly sped down a highway at 80 miles per hour with his girlfriend clinging to the hood of his car. According to Gwinnett County Police, the horrifying experience began when Salas and his girlfriend got into an altercation at his apartment. Salas had to leave to pick up his daughter from preschool, but his girlfriend, 19-year-old Leidy Amu did not want him to go. One witness stated that she physically attacked him and the witness, and when Salas got into his Jeep to leave, Amu reportedly climbed onto the hood of the Jeep, hoping it would stop him from driving off. Apparently it didn't. Salas stopped at the apartment complex gate and various times at Stop signs on side streets, but Amu refused to get off. With the flat and level hood f the Jeep and a roof rack to hold on to, she was comfortable and in no danger of falling off, and continued to harangue and cuss him. She seemed to quite enjoy making a scene. Salas eventually went onto Interstate 85, while the woman beat on the vehicle's windshield, yelling and screaming at him. Some motorists became aware of the ordeal and boxed Salas in with their vehicles. They then gradually slowed their vehicles down, forcing Salas to slow to a stop. Police arrived shortly afterward and managed to get her to climb down. During an interview at a local radio station, Amu admitted causing the confrontation, stating that she provoked the fight. She admitted, that she had plenty of opportunities to get off the hood when he stopped various timnes and told her to get off, but that she refused. She then defended the victim by stating "We all make mistakes." Salas was booked into the Gwinnett County Jail and charged with aggravated assault, reckless conduct and simple battery. Amu, who caused the incident, was not charged. Hopefully next time the trunk monkey goes nuts, he calls 911 himself, before everybody else calls them on him.
Tech Support Pits From: Jay Re: Offline content Dear Webby, When I delete my temporary internet files I check off the "Delete all offline content" too, then I delete my Cookies and then History. Now I am asked why do I delete offline content , to which I say, I just do. Am I doing it right? Also when cookies are deleted everyday, does it screw up banking online? I do not bank online but am hesitant in telling others to delete their cookies like I do. I really appreciate your input, or should I say expertise. Thank you, Jay Dear Jay Offline content is stuff you get when when you save a site for off-line viewing. For example, some people save some of the Bonus Link sites for off-line viewing at a later date, without having to go online again for that. Especially with slow loading picture archives that makes for much esier viewing. However, there is no point downloading it for that, if you delete it. Cookies and History are best excluded from the cleaning. The cookies you need mainly for shopping and banking, the history you need to find stuff again. They don't take much space, so just leave them, unless you want to make sure your spouse does not find out where you have been. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth?" One lil' girl spoke up: "According to my Daddy -- terrible!" I guess you can get too health conscious... The wife and I don't have a lot of "junk food" in the house. Upon eating a snack of some munchies or other my Grandson asked what vitamins they had in them. I told him I doubted there were any at all. He replied wide-eyed, "You mean these are just for fun?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track Of Christmas Purchases Year Round I shop year round for Christmas gifts. Many a time, I have forgotten where I put the items by the time the holiday arrived. I now have a foolproof tip. Every time I purchase an item, I flip my calendar over to October and I make a note of what I bought, who the item is for, and, mostly importantly, I make a note of where the item is stored. Now when October rolls around and early Christmas wrapping begins, I just go to October and there are my Christmas items listed and where they are stored. Saves me a lot of time and tears of trying to find where I "hid" a gift. So easy to keep a record of it and I'm not trying to keep up with a notebook or piece of paper either. By Marsha from Greenville, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5". She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high. "Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Ilya Groan Alert I was shopping with my roommate, and I saw a humorous button that said, "It might look like I'm doing nothing, but on a cellular level, I'm quite busy." I showed it to her, and her response was, "Oh, I should buy that one, I'm always talking on mine."
» Turned Wood


Today in 
1272 Edward I proclaimed King of Englan
1637 Peter Minuit & 1st Swedish immigrants to Delaware 
   sail from Sweden
1780 Britain declares war on Holland
1829 Jews are expelled from Russia's Nikolayev & Sevastopol 
1888 William Bundy patents the timecard clock 
1910 Revolution broke out in Mexico
1914 US State Department starts requiring photos for passports
1917 Ukrainian Republic declared 
1931 Commercial teletype service begins
1938 1st documented anti-Semitic remarks over US radio
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth, marries Duke Philip Mountbatten 
1962 US lifts blockade of Cuba
1969 Pele scores his 1,000th soccer goal
2012  smiled


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What does Color Depth mean? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 19

Today I am going to hike up to the hospital again, for the
"twelve hour fast" type blood test. Forecast is a 25 km/h 
headwind for the hike up there, and a nice tail wind coming 
home.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality. --- Dante (1265 -1321) A large, clumsy umbrella is the best protection against the rain: there will be no rain as long as you're lugging it around. --- Peter Wasthol
>From madge When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.
"It;s HIS fault! He should not have accepted my cell phone call and distracted me!"
That reminds me,.... A Darwin Award and a Bonehead Award went to these two guys 7 years ago: John Pernicky and Sal Hawkins. The late, John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for the late Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall; he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, dropping 20 feet, landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air. Congratulations gentlemen! You win!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jennifer Tyree, 36, in Jacksonville, Florida Jailed After Her Husband Catches Her Having Affair With Her Student Reported by the Weekly Vice Jennifer Tyree, a 36-year-old teacher at Lanphier High School was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to police, an investigation was launched after Tyree's husband reported that his wife was engaged in an affair with a 17-year-old student. Investigators say Tyree's husband initially told the boy's mother about the affair. When questioned, the boy reportedly admitted to having sex with his teacher. The boy's mother told police that Jennifer Tyree contacted her about a month ago and stated that she was a teacher and was interested in mentoring her son to improve his grades. Tyree then visited the student's home on several occasions to help with class assignments. She then allegedly took the boy to movies and kickboxing classes. Tyree's husband told the student's mother that he witnessed his wife and the boy having inappropriate contact with each other. He also told her that his wife and her son rented a hotel room on September 21. During the subsequent investigation, it has also been revealed that Tyree was not certified to teach a high school class. Officials say Tyree holds an elementary teaching certificate which allows her to teach grades kindergarten through ninth grade. Jennifer Tyree was booked into jail and charged with criminal sexual assault. Bond in her case has been set at $100,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Allen Re: What does "Color Depth" really mean? Dear Webby, I get so many answers to that questions, and the more elaborate they are, the phonier they seem. So, What does "Color Depth" really mean, and how does it affect file size? Allen Dear Allen It is simply the number of bits used to describe or specify a pixel or dot of color. Without getting technical, GIF pictures have one of 256 colors JPG pictures have over 16 Million colors, and PNG about the same. Aside from the gamut of possible colors, there are also levels of saturation or transparency. However, all you need to know is that JPG and PNG have lots of colors for nice, smooth graduations. File size depends on compression. GIF files can not be compressed easily, but JPG files can. If you want a file to retain it's original sharpness, use PNG or GIF. PNG can be fairly large file size, so if it is a simple logo or something that needs to get loaded frequently, use GIF format. It will not change or degrade, and is small in file size. If you have a picture that has fine graduations and needs to look really good, use PNG. Second best r esults are with JPG, with the compression ratio set to 1 (no compression) It still compresses it a little bit, which is usually not a problem, if you save it only once. However, keep in mind, it does that EVERY time you save it and close the file! If you need to do a lot of fine editing, keep it in PNG format until a few seconds, before you upload the final results to the net. Most browsers can handle PNG now, and if you want a picture to look really good, regardless of loading time, keep it in PNG format. If file size and loading time is a concern, then use the compression available in the JPG format. You can usually get away with 10 - 15% compression. The new York Times seems to be using a 35% compression for most pictures, and gets away with it. You only really notice it, when they occasionally show an uncompressed "pretty" picture. Keepin mind, the JPG compression is "lossy". If you set the compression to 15%, it looses 15% of the pixels. For good. You can never get them back. Then if you open that picture again some day to do a bit more editing, and save it again, it AGAIN loses 15%. Each time it looks a bit more washed out. For that reason it is a good idea to keep an original in PNG format, uncompressed. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something to cure the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. (Whack) "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" The man says, "No, I don't. And I didn't have a hiccups. Now please go out and apply your cure to my wife out there in the car."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Plugs We have so many electronics and plugs, that I had to devise a way to remember which plug goes with what item. So each time I get a new device (phone, computer, mp3, etc.), I get a large label and write on it what the plug is for. I fold it in half over the cord. That way I just pick up the cord, read the label, and know what it belongs to. I then keep the plugs all in one zipper bag of active items I own. By vitaloo from Delavan, WI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Maxine took her car to her mechanic. She told him "Every time I take any of my friends out in my car, after a while there is this terrible smell !! . It never happens when I am on my own." This quite intrigued the mechanic so he said, "OK, lets go for a spin and see what the problem is". Off they went. She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction at 60 MPH, swerving, hitting the curb on both sides of the street, narrowly missed three pedestrians in pedestrian crossings, ran several red lights, and just missed a policeman on street traffic duty. They returned to the shop and she said, There it is now; there's that terrible; smell. Can you smell it?" "Smell it? Hell lady, I'm sitting in it".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn't tell us why. No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind. Later, when we got home, we discovered the reason for his reluctance. An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because, "They choose children from the audience to feed Shamu."
» Turned Wood


Today in 
1493 Christopher Columbus discovers Puerto Rico, on his 2nd voyage 
1874 William Marcy "Boss" Tweed, of Tammany Hall (NYC) convicted 
   of defrauding the city of $6M, sentenced to 12 years' imprisonment 
1919 US Senate rejects (55-39) Treaty of Versailles & League of Nations 
1942 Russia launches winter offensive against Germans 
   along the Don front 
1959 Ford cancels the Edsel 
1969 Apollo 12's Conrad & Bean become 3rd & 4th humans on the Moon 
1980 CBS TV bans Calvin Klein's jeans ad featuring Brooke Shields
2012  smiled


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How does a laser printer work? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 18

I am going to change my route for waking, depending on
wind direction, so that I walk against the wind in the first 
part, and return with the wind at my back. 
With the wind at my back, I don't notice the cold, but it
sure bites the face walking agasint it!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In a world awash in debt, power shifts to creditors. --- Fareed Zakaria The love of truth lies at the root of much humor. --- Robertson Davies
The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in in the morning."
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Carmela Benevento, 50, in Sarasota, Florida Jailed After Stabbing Property Manager With Landscaping Light Reported by the Weekly Vice Carmela Benevento, a 50-year-old Sarasota woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly stabbed a Siesta Key Bungalows manager with a landscaping light after she was told to vacate the premises. According to the Sarasota County Sheriff's Office, Benevento became angry when the property manager, 39-year-old Lisa Chavez Barrera, told Benevento that she needed to vacate the property. In retaliation, Benevento allegedly ripped a landscaping light out of the ground and stabbed the manager in the stomach with the sharp end of the light. Witnesses told deputies that Benevento then threatened a bystander with the same landscaping light. The victim was taken to a local hospital, where she was treated for non-life threatening injuries. Benevento was booked into jail and charged with one count of aggravated battery and one count of aggravated assault. More charges may be added.
Tech Support Pits From: Rod Re: How does a laser printer work? Dear Webby, I can understand how an inkjet printer works by squirting ink, but a laser printer is a total mystery to me. I know it is not burning the paper, so how does it really work? Rod Dear Rod Toner has very fine iron powder in it. The printer has a drum with a strong electromagnet in one side of it, but with a shiny plastic coating, that gets a strong static charge, like a cat can get from a plastic comb. That charge, that makes a cat's hairs repell each other and stand up, repels the toner, even though the magnet inside tried to attract it. When a sharp laser light is pointed at that plastic coating, the static at that spot is neutralized, and the magnet can attract toner at that spot. As the drum turns, it passes under the paper, which carries static from a wire, and the toner jumps from the drum onto the paper. Right after that the paper passes between heated rollers, that melt the waxy toner powder into the paper. That is why the paper coming out of a laser printer feels hot, not because of the laser. The lasers used are like the cold LED laser pointers, not the hot burning lasers. The fans that you hear are just making sure the radiating heat from the hot fuser rollers is not heating up the rest of the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Wife: "I was a insane when I married you." Husband: "I guess you were, but I was so in love at the time, I didn't notice for two years."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Iron Cleaner For Curling Irons Use iron cleaner to clean a sticky curling iron and flat iron. Source: My daughter By Monica from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn.. I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Darn..... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony. " I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday: I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today." As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"
» Super Cats 3


Today in 
1307 William Tell shoots apple off his son's head
1421 Zuider Zee floods 72 villages, killing an estimated 
   10,000 in Netherlands
1820 US Navy Captain Nathaniel B Palmer discovers Antarctica
1883 Standard time zones established by railroads in US & Canada 
1903 Hay-Bunau-Varilla Treaty gives US exclusive canal 
   rights in Panama 
1909 US invades Nicaragua, later overthrows elected 
   President Zelaya
1928 Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse debuts in NY in 
   "Steamboat Willie" 
1929 Large quake in Atlantic breaks Transatlantic cable in 
   28 places
1936 Germany & Italy recognized Spanish government of Franco
1936 Main span of Golden Gate Bridge joined 
1958 1st true reservoir in Jerusalem opens
1990 Saddam offers to free an estimated 2,000 men held in Kuwait
1991 France deports Marlon's daughter Cheyenne Brando to Tahiti 
2012  smiled


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When should I switch from ink to Laser printes ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 17

Just like they did after Hurricane Katrina, Russia sent their
big huge jets loaded with blankets, foodstuffs, medicine and 
relief goods to New York and New Jersey. They said they 
could have sent the goods earlier, but until now there was 
no organization ready to receive and distribute the goods.

That is something to keep in mind! 
When the world wants to help, there needs to be some 
fast and furious organizing to receive and distribute goods.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties." --- Abraham Lincoln In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. --- Woody Allen "If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down." --- Ray Bradbury We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. --- Will Rogers
On a high school science quiz, there was the question, "When water becomes ice which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume.." Except one wise guy who wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases."
A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of widowers marrying again, haven't you?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tammi Estep, 36, in Horry County, South Carolina Jailed After Photographing Toddlers And A Baby With Joints In Their Mouths Reported by the Weekly Vice Beth Ann Hensley, a 51-year-old Leslie County woman, and her daughter, Tracy Hensley, were jailed after they photographed several children smoking marijuana and attempted to develop the photographs at a local store. According to the Leslie County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched when employees at a photo mart discovered multiple UNPAID photographs of children with joints in their mouths and called police. Investigators say Beth Hensley brought film to a local store to be developed, but later returned to the store and cancelled her order, even though the photographs had already been developed, Hensley left the store without the photographs. The woman's behavior annoyed the employees and made them suspicious, so they looked at the photographs in question and found several images of children with marijuana cigarettes and pipes in their mouths. Some photographs showed adults lighting the marijuana cigarettes while other photographs showed the children handling marijuana. One of the children photographed with marijuana was just one year old. The other children photographed were between the ages of 3 and 5 years old. Beth Hensley, the woman who dropped the photographs off at the store for processing, has been identified as the childrens' grandmother. After officers viewed the photographs, they drove to Hensley's residence with child welfare workers in tow. When officers entered the home, they found 24 marijuana plants and an undisclosed amount of processed marijuana. Officers then went to the residence of Tracy Hensley, who is listed in the arrest affidavit as the childrens' mother. Officers found 5 children living in the residence, many of which were matched to the incriminating photographs. Beth Hensley claimed that the "marijuana cigarettes" in the pictures actually contained tobacco. She also told a local station that she took the pictures because she wanted her grandchildren to see how "crazy their grandmother was" when they got older. Tracy Hensley was booked into jail and charged with unlawful transaction with a minor and child endangerment. Beth Hensley was booked into jail and charged with cultivation and trafficking marijuana.
Tech Support Pits From: Jody Re: Ink versus Laser printer Dear Webby, At what point should one change from ink to laser printer? Jody Dear Jody Actually, ink is in the middle, not at one end. If you print just a few pages once in a while, often a month or more apart, then you need a laser printer. It does not dry out or clog up or get unpredictable from infrequent use. A laser printer does not care if you stretch a toner cartridge out to last ten or twenty years. Then in the middle is the small but regular use, maybe three or four pages per week, every week. A cheap inkjet printer can usually handle that quite nicely. Keep in mind that with the really cheap printers they really try to get you with the ink. Some of those ultra-cheap inkjet printers are almost free, but the ink cartridges are ridiculously expensive. Don't worry about that, just get the ink from Atlantic. However, even though their ink is very affordable, don't get seven year's worth! Even their high quality cartridges don't last unless they are used. Just get one to use and one as a spare. On the other end are the lasers. Be careful with HP printers! They put "Laser"into the names of some of their ink squirters. Check whether they use ink or toner. Real laser printers use toner, a dry, waxy powder, that will probably last forever. Good laser printers wake up from sleep, when not in use for a long time, and you hear them doing a self check, counting all their marbles and checking every component, and also stirring each toner cartridge to make sure the dry powder does not cake or solidify at the bottom of a cartridge. Then it goes to sleep again. A laser printer naturally costs more than an ink squirter does, however, you can get excellent black-only laser printers for well under $100, with fantastic cost per page economy. Yes, with lasers the cost per page is about one thenth of what it would cost you to print the same with ink. And they never clog up. They just run out of paper. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Plastic Hooks to Hang Plastic Grocery Bags in Trash Bin I like to recycle plastic grocery bags in my kitchen garbage container. I bought a package of self-adhesive plastic cup hooks at the dollar store and put two on the inside of the trash can on the right and two more on the left. The handles of the plastic bags hang on the hooks, holding them up and open. When the bag is full, pull it off the hooks and tie it shut with the two handles. I have not bought garbage bags in 25 years. By Libadmin Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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It was dead winter and colder than hell, when Billy Bob noticed his outdoor toilet was full. Now that was a problem he didn't know how to handle, so Billy searched out Clem for advice. Clem told Billy that the thought they could use dynamite to clean out the hole. He just happened to have a few sticks left from a job he done the past summer. The next day Clem went over to Billy's house and they both looked down the hole. Clem said, "Yep, its full. I think this one will take two sticks!" So he and Billy got busy, put the dynamite in the hole and put a long fuse to it. They were standing behind the wood pile nearby when Billy's wife Sally came running out of the house and headed straight for the toilet. Billy and Clem both yelled and hollered for Sally to stop, but she kept going and said, "I don't have time to stop and talk, I gotta take care of business." WELL lo and behold, Sally no more than got seated and the whole toilet blew up. Boards and shit flew all over. Sally picked herself off the ground, looked at Billy and Clem and said, "WHEW, I am sure glad that I didn't let that one go in the house!" --------------------- Believe it or not, but that method is actually quite popular in the arctic. However, there outhouses are built on skids, and for blowing over the frozen pyramid down below, the outhouse is hitched up to the sled dogs and towed 20 feet upwind.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them. One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace. The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest ... perfect peace. Which picture do you think won the prize? The King chose the second picture. Do you know why? "Because," explained the King, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."
» Rock & Roll 50's


Today in 
1278 680 Jews arrested (293 hanged) in England for 
   counterfeiting coins 
1558 Elizabeth I ascends English throne upon 
  death of Queen Mary 
1869 Suez Canal opens (Egypt) 
1913 Panama Canal opens
1938 Italy passes their own version of the anti-Jewish 
  Nuremberg laws
1959 De Beers firm of South Africa announces synthetic diamond
1966 Leonids meteor shower peaks (150,000+ per hour) 
1967 Surveyor 6 becomes 1st man-made object to lift off the Moon
1993 US Congress votes for NAFTA
2012  smiled


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Printing eBooks 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you, Hermon!

Dr Bill wrote to remind us that Borscht (beet soup) is also
great for lowering blood pressure quickly.

Borsht is best made in a BIG pot, so that you can add onions,
carrots, cabbage, chives, celery, whatever veggies are in 
the fridge and need to be used soon. If you don't over-cook it, 
you can fill the leftover into meal size ziplock baggies or 
freezer containers, and freeze them. 

Then you can take one out once a month for nearly instant 
borscht. 

I used to like those ziplock baggies, but nowadays prefer the
stackable freezer containers. There is no need for a crowbar 
or claw hammer to wrestle them out of the freezer, and a lot
fewer chances of burning mysellf when I empty it after 
microwaving it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. --- Andre Maurois
A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner. "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man. "O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner. So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money." The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?"
>From Gary Gary works as a service technician for a large exterminating company. One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household to ensure he does not arrive at an empty but locked house. One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us." There was a long silence, and then the man on the other end said, "Honey, it's for you......someone wants to talk to you about your relatives."
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Click on the picture for the large version Another mystery bird!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tammi Estep, 36, in Horry County, South Carolina Woman Stabs Husband, Explains To Cops That Victim Was "Satan's Spawn" Reported by the Smoking Gun A woman arrested for stabbing her husband in the stomach explained to South Carolina cops that, “Jesus and Mary told me to kill him because he is Satan’s spawn!” Despite that explanation, Tammi Estep, 36, was charged with the attempted murder of her 46-year-old spouse, who underwent surgery following the attack Friday morning. According to a Horry County Police Department report, Estep told officers that she “was sent to save the world!” The stabbing occurred in the home Estep shares with her husband and two sons, both of who were present during the incident. Pictured in the adjacent mug shot, Estep is being held in the county jail in advance of a bond hearing.
Tech Support Pits From: Dianah Re: Print eBook Dear Webby, What kind of printer would you recommend to print ebooks? I want to print a bunch of my eBooks for the local trade show, but if I try that with my HP multi-function printer, it will break down again, and this time I am bnot going to get it repaired. Thanks Dianah Dear Dianah First get ClickBook, so that you can accomplish double-sided printing in paperback book format. People DO NOT like "books" in page size. That is why paperback books outsell any other format. 2. Get a reliable Laser printer. I got a Dell 1320C about four years ago for just under $200. I only use toner from Atlantic Inkjet and it still prints as fast and as beautiful as it did on day one. They don't have that particular model number any more, but any of their single function color laser printers will do, though I would shy away from the absolutely lowest cost model. $139 will get you a home use color laser printer, but for office use I would pick one in the $150 -$200 range. Quite often Xerox sells the same printer with their logo on it for $100 more. If you are an HP fan, the HP LaserJet Pro 400 Printer M401n is the equivalent of the Dell 1320c, and the lowest model of HP printer, that I would consider, if I HAD to pick an HP printer. 3. Get a toner refill kit from Atlantic Inkjet. Printer manufacturers change labels on the printers with each sale, and rarely more than the label and the price. The new and improved model number might not be listed yet on Atlantic's web site, but rest assured, they do have the toner and refill kits and/or re-manufactured cartridges in stock. If necessary, email them or call their toll free number. Most printers, when you get them, have a low volume starter package of toner, usually about a quarter of what you get from Atlantic Inkjet.com. So it is important to get proper refills soon. Atlantic Inkjet .com ships fast, but don't wait until you are out of toner! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. You too, eh?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Makeshift Meal Tray on Walker My wife is going through rehab for a brain tumor and has to use a walker around the house. To feed her, I found a shelving board out in our garage and I put this board through her walker on the braces for a makeshift table to put her food and drink while she is sitting down. By Jim Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"
» Nature's Window


Today in 
1532 Pizarro seizes Incan emperor Atahualpa
1676 1st colonial prison organized, Nantucket, Massachusetts
1798 Kentucky becomes 1st state to nullify an act of Congress
1894 6,000 Armenians massacred by Turks in Kurdistan
1901 3 autos race on Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, fastest speed 
  achieved by Henry Fournier who drives a mile in 51 4/5 seconds 
1955 1st speed-boat to exceed 200 mph (322 kph) (D.M. Campbell) 
1965 Venera 3 launched, 1st to land on another planet  
   (crashes into Venus) 
1990 Manuel Noriega claims US denied him a fair trial 
2012  smiled


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Play Internet Radio on the big stereo 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 15

Thank you, Joanne!

I mentioned a few days ago to be careful about taking 
Baby Aspirin or ASA81 without telling your doctor, since it
thins your blood. Quite often a doctor will advise excatly 
that, so why is it bad to just sneak it as a home remedy?

Because it DOES thin the blood, it may be masking symptoms,
that the body intends to send as warning signals, that something
needs to be taken care of.

If you tell your doctor, or if he tells you to take ASA81, 
then he takes that into consideration. "Considering she takes
ASA81, and still has ...." 

I definitely don't say Aspirin is bad stuff, especially in low
doses like that. Just tell your doctor to take it into 
consideration, when you mention any other symptoms.

ASA81 is very cheap, about $5 for 300 at Costco or $6+
for 30 at downtown drug stores.

By the way, pickled beets accomplish the same thing and
can lower your blood pressure faster than an elevator.
If something or other causes a blood pressure spike so severe,
that I get a nose bleed, which happens about once every 
second year, I quickly open a jar of pickled beets, add some
diced onion and enjoy a beet salad. Blood pressure normalizes
almost instantly and behaves for another year or two. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is just part of the cycle." --- Eric Zorn "Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open." --- Elmer G. Letterman
Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?" Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!" After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?" John: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house keeper, she's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and a nice big house wouldn't hurt either." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" John: "Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."
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Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Danielle Reed, 23, in Jacksonville, Florida Teacher jailed for screwing gossipy Mama's Boy Reported by the Weekly Vice Danielle Reed, a 23-year-old English teacher at Atlantic Coast High School was jailed Friday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to police, an investigation was launched Friday when officers were called to the boy's school and he admitted to having oral sex and sexual intercourse with Reed on multiple occasions. Investigators say the alleged relationship lasted from March 1 to June 15, 2012. The student's mother met Reed at some point in the relationship when Reed picked the boy up at his home. During the visit, Reed allegedly pretended to be the mother of a student who had recently befriended the alleged "victim". The mother did not clue in that a 23 year old teacher was not likely the mother of a 16 -18 year old. Reed then took the boy to her home where the two spent the night together. The boy told his mother about the sexual relationship about a month after it ended Reed was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with two counts of sexual battery on a victim older than 12 but under 18. She is being held in lieu of $150,003 bond. Her teaching carreer is finished.
Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Play Internet Radio on the stereo Dear Webby, I have been a subscriber to your humor letter for a long time, and I still enjoy reading it very much. You do seem to be quite adept at answering computer questions, so I hope that you can help me. I love listening to internet radio and currently do on my computer speakers, but I am wondering how I could play the stream through my stereo, and what is the best and easiest way to go about doing it? Thank You Very Much for your time and efforts in this matter. Sincerely, Lee Dear Lee Check on your stereo for some connectors labelled AUX or AUX INPUT Often those are in the back. Connect from the speaker outlet on the computer to the AUX input on the stereo. Switch the stereo's function to AUX and now you can finally hear the music the way it was intended to be heard. The computer output going to the little speakers is from the green socket. Normally you have a 3 wire cable running to the first of the speakers, the one with power and volume controls. One of those three wires is usually "identified". Sometimes that is with a ridge on the plastic, or the middle of the three, or a color. That is the common wire. If you have to extend it with 2-wire speaker wire, connect one of each pair to that common one, and the other to one of the outside wires. On the stereo the AUX INput is usually four screw terminals or spring clips, two of them labelled "L" and two of the "R" or right. Connect one cable to the "L" pair and the other to the "R" pair. Turn the function selector ofd the stereo to AUX, and instead of the little computer speakers, the big stereo speakers now produce the sound. This of course also works great for hands free calling via Skype. Just leave the pink microphone plug from the head set pkugged in. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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From teachers exams in Florida: Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. ******** Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. ******** Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. ******** Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. ******* Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. ******** Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. ******** Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. ******** Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. ******** Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. ******** Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. ******** Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. ******** Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in Rome. ******** Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Know Your Computer Repair Person When you hand over your computer to a repair service, do you realize that once they get your computer to function, EVERY bit of personal (and possibly financial) information is at their disposal. My advice is to find a local repair person that you feel you can trust; not hand it over to a company that will send it to their repair center. Who is working on it, and will they invade your privacy? At least if you deal with an individual, you have a better chance of not being invaded. If so, at least you have a 'starting source'. By cajun62234 from Collinsville Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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>From Penny An old Irishman was asked, " At your ripe old age, which would you prefer to get – Parkinson’s or Alzheimer's?" Irishman replied, "Bejesus, definitely Parkinson’s! Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you left the bottle!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times."
» Shellfish


Today in 
1492 Christopher Columbus notes 1st recorded reference to tobacco
1660 1st kosher butcher (Asser Levy) licensed in NYC(New Amsterdam) 
1763 Charles Mason & Jeremiah Dixon begin surveying Mason-Dixon 
    Line between Pennsylvania & Maryland 
1806 Explorer Zebulon Pike sights Pikes Peak 
1864 Sherman burns Atlanta
1937 1st congressional session in air-conditioned chambers 
1939 Nazis begin mass murder of Warsaw Jews
1939 Social Security Administration approves 1st unemployment check
1940 1st 75,000 men called to armed forces duty during peacetime 
1954 1st regularly scheduled commercial flights over North Pole begins 
1957 US sentences Soviet spy Rudolf Ivanovich Abel to 30 years & $3,000
1969 250,000 demonstrate in Wash DC against the Vietnam War
1977 President Jimmy Carter welcomes Shah of Iran
1988 PLO proclaims the State of Palestine, recognizes Israeli existence 
1988 Soviet space shuttle makes unmanned maiden flight (2 orbits) 
1999 Transit of Mercury visible in North America 
2012  smiled


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Resizing picture on a web page 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 14

This seems to be the year of the fall of tyrants and bigshots.
First NATO ganged up on Gadafi, then Scott Forstall got 
booted out of Apple, then Petraeus got backstabbed and eased
out, now Sinofsky got kicked out of Microsoft. 

Sinofsky had been driving development of Windows 7, which 
rescued Microsoft from the embarrassing mess that was 
Windows Vista. While Windows 7 is too buggy to be worth
fixing, it is not as bad as Vista, and he should have retired 
when Windows 7 was released. 

However, just like Gadafi, he overstayed his welcome and
will get blamed for Windows 8.

Two weeks after the public release of Windows 8 we see the
exact repetition of the Vista release. People are digging in
their heels, and corporations are stocking up on old machines.
So Sinofsky got canned, belatedly.

He will be replaced by Julie Larson-Green, a carreer executive,
who most recently has been overseeing user interface design.
Considering the total lack of user appreciation of the Windows 8
user interface, maybe she should have been canned too.

Personally, I fail to see why we should have to put up with
different user interfaces every few years, just to be able
to get simple work done. 

Vista has been put onto the same shelf as DOS-4, and it looks
like Windows 8 is headed there too.
If they take the mobile device interfaces, but not the silly tiles 
of Windows 8, add that to XP and call it Windows 9, they would
have a winner, that would generate some loyalty. 

However, the victims, ahem users, don't count at Microsoft.

Unfortunately, that would not require new 16 GB machines and
all the computer manufacturing companies they own big shares 
in, would not generate the expected dividends. 
And China would go broke!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. --- Michel de Montaigne The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. --- William Gibson
"I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me Bubba."
On a recent flight I sat next to a lady who was on her way to meet a guy she had met over the net. She sat there during most of the flight messing with her make-up. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner, blush and stuff that I have no clue what it is called. Then she turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" Well, the truth was that soap and water would have made her look a lot better than all that make-up. So I told her: "If your friend starts looking closely at your war paint, take that as a sign that you have your blouse buttoned up too high."
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Thanks to my O'SURE for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Cabin on Ouachita River
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Holly Solomon, 28, in Gilbert, Arizona Jailed After Running Husband Down With SUV Because He Failed To Vote Reported by the Weekly Vice Holly Solomon, a 28-year-old Gilbert woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly ran over her husband with an SUV because he didn't vote, and she was angry that Barack Obama got re-elected. According to Gilbert police, Holly Solomon was upset following the outcome of the presidential election. Anger turned into rage, however, when she discovered that her husband didn't even vote. Officers were dispatched to the suspect's home when a neighbor witnessed a domestic disturbance and called 911. Investigators say Solomon and her husband, 36-year-old Daniel Solomon, were arguing about the election inside her car when he decided that he'd had enough and stepped out of the vehicle. Undeterred, Solomon allegedly drove circles around her husband, in an apparent effort to keep him from leaving the scene of her harranging. When Mr. Solomon attempted to make a run for it, she sped after him in the Jeep and ran into him. After Mr. Solomon got to his feet, he took refuge behind a utility pole. Mrs. Solomon circled her husband again, while screaming obscenities at him. Again, Mr. Solomon attempted to make a run for it, prompting Mrs. Solomon to give chase in the Jeep. That's when she drove into him again, pinning him underneath the vehicle. The victim was taken to Scottsdale Healthcare Osborne Medical Center, where he remains in critical condition. During a police interview, Mr. Solomon stated that his wife was six month pregnant and blamed Obama for the hardship she and her family had been facing recently. Police do not believe she was impaired by drugs or alcohol during the incident. Holly Solomon was booked into jail and charged with domestic violence and aggravated assault.
Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Resizing picture on a web page Dear Webby, i just wanted to say think you again for all your tips. and to say i went to the link that Dianne sent to you. that is an aussome site. is there a way to reset the size to the pictures like those? Kitty Dear Kitty You can get slightly bigger size by holding down the CTRL key and rolling the scroll wheel of the mouse. When you got the picture as big as it will go without getting coarse, hold down the ALT key and hit the PrintScreen key. I realize, on some poorly designed laptops, that is almost impossible. If necessary, hit whatever combination is required, to accomplish PrintScreen. That prints the picture into the clip board. Now open a graphics program, and hit CTRL V. That starts a new picture and puts the clip board content into it. Now you can resize the picture with less loss of clarity and sharpness, than just scrolling it larger with the browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "Holy Shit!!!! Five Thousand!!! Hot Digity Damn!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Side Mirrors Clear of Ice If you have those big rearview mirrors on your car or truck and you know an ice storm is coming, here's a cheap trick to keep them clean. Take two plastic grocery bags (one for each mirror) and two rubber bands and put the bags around the mirrors and secure them with the rubber band. It does not look great but it sure helps in the morning when it comes to cleaning the ice off the car or truck cause those mirrors are free and clear of ice! By Debradj from Illinois A piece of old tarp over the windows and mirrors and held down with a bungee cord on each side has worked well for me in the Yukon. It keeps the side windos clear of frost and snow too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on. When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long. "There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"
» McDonald's: Here & There


Today in 




2012  smiled


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Double-sided printing with ordinary printers 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 13


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. --- Woody Allen First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. -- Socratex Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them. --- George Bernard Shaw
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
Two Alaskan hunters get a pilot to fly them to out to hunt moose. They bagged two. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only one moose. The two Alaskans objected strongly, "Last year we shot two and the pilot let us put them both on board and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and both were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Climbing out of the wreck one Alaskan asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" "Yeah I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
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Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version A month early this year!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Perry Trenka, Gainesville, Florida Jailed After Police Discover Gator Hides, Pot Plant On Property Reported by the Weekly Vice Gainesville, FL (The Weekly Vice) - Perry Trenka, a 51-year old Florida man was jailed Monday after police discovered alligator hides and a lonely pot plant on his property. According to police, an investigation was launched after detectives received a complaint that alleged Trenka had been killing alligators illegally and then hanging their hides on his property. When officers arrived on the scene, Trenka invited them onto his property without a warrant. Investigators say officers discovered two alligators hides on display on his property. One alligator hide was proudly nailed to a board in his machine shop. Officers also discovered gator meat in Trenka's freezer. (yum). Trenka told officers that he caught the alligators with a hook and line after they became stuck in a natural sinkhole on his property. He reportedly had no permit to hunt or capture alligators, according to an arrest affidavit. (He probably could not afford a licensed alligator trapper to get rid of the gators) While officers were walking Trenka's property, they discovered a lonely pot plant that had been planted in a black pot in Trenka's back yard. Trenka told officers that the pot plant wasn't his and that he was just watering it for a friend who had passed away several months ago. The alligator hides, alligator meat and pot plant were removed from the property as evidence. Trenka was booked into the Alachua County Jail and charged with felony charges of harvesting alligators without a permit and cultivating marijuana.
Tech Support Pits From: Eva Re: Double sided printing Dear Webby, I could not quite follow your description of how that QuickBook works. Would I need a special printer, that prints on both sides? They are godawfully expensive! Eva Dear Eva nah, don't worry. In the late 80's printer manufacturers all conspired to print in such a way, that the output came out face down. The users all hated that, but some big government buyers specified that, so that anybody walking by a printer, could not casually read anything secret. Keep in mind, in those days Governments used big huge IBM 3810 laser printers the size and weight of a small coffin. They were usually connected to a mainframe network, and dozens of users printed to them. You queued your print job and sauntered over to the printer, gossipped for a while with the other people waiting for their print job, and watched like a hawk to make sure nobody walked off with the last page of yours. In those days, it possibly DID make sense for print jobs to come out face down. However, they still do. That is why the output tray is usually "outboard", balconied out behind the printer. QuickBook makes you print a test page, tell it the results and put it back in according to the marks it prints on it. Depending on the results, it knows then, whether your printer prints onto the top or the bottom of the paper. Then for printing the back side, it tells you to either drop the stack from the output shelf straight down into the source drawer, or to turn it upsdie down. You can tell it to print a cover sheet with those instructions. Those instructions will be specific for THAT printer. You might have to turn the stack upside down side to side, - not length-wise - on your inkjet printer at home, but drop the stack straight down without turning or flipping on the laser printer at work. Don't worry, just put a checkmark on "Print cover page with instructions" and then follow those instructions. Each page will wind up with the correct page on the back. AND you can start with Page 1 on the left or the right, outside on the cover or inside, page numbering or not, just by clicking on checkmarks. Oh, and you CAN of course also print flip-down calendars! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am quite aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Important Documents in Your Freezer Protect your important documents (insurance info, car titles, warranties, etc.) by placing them is a zip lock bag in your freezer. Should a fire occur, they will not be burned. Source: We've done this for years. By GrannyGoff from Concord, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "A fork lift?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Irene I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"
» Yes we CAN


Today in 
867 St Nicholas I ends his reign as Catholic Pope
1002 English king Ethelred II launches massacre of Danish settlers 
1843 Mt Rainier in Washington State erupts
1854 "New Era" sinks off NJ coast with loss of 300 
1895 1st shipment of canned pineapple from Hawaii 
1907 French cyclist Paul Cornu flies a twin rotor helicopter
1927 NY-NJ Holland Tunnel, 1st twin-tube underwater auto tunnel
1941 British aircraft carrier "Ark Royal" sunk in Mediterranean
1946 1st artificial snow produced from a natural cloud, 
   Mt Greylock, MA
1970 Cyclone kills estimated 300,000 in Chittagong Bangladesh
1971 Mariner 9, 1st to orbit another planet (Mars) 
1985 Nevado del Ruiz volcano erupts in Colombia, kills 25,000
1986 US violates Iran arms boycott
2012  smiled


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printing booklets and books 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 12
Remembrance Day Stat Holiday


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. --- Bob Hope
>From Bess I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Air- fare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson. "And what about Salt Lake City?" "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--$99.00, but there is a stopover, where you have to change planes." "Where?" I asked. "Denver." "Hmmm, that is good to know!"
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."
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A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I guess so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!" An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Denise Colon, 27, in Nashville, Tennessee Shoplifter attacked staff with screwdriver, car Reported by the Weekly Vice Denise Colon, a 27-year-old Nashville woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly shoplifted from a local Walmart, then stabbed one employee with a screwdriver and ran into another employee with her car while fleeing the scene. According to Nashville police, a Walmart employee attempted to stop Colon after she tried to walk out of the store with approximately $100 worth of stolen merchandise. Colon retaliated by stabbing the employee with a screwdriver before fleeing to the parking lot where her car was parked. When a second employee followed Colon to her car, Colon jumped into the vehicle and backed it into the employee. The employee that received a stab wound was treated at a local hospital for non-life threatening injuries. Court records show that this is not Colon's first run-in with the law. In 2011, she was arrested after she allegedly left a baby at a local Target retail store. The baby did not belong to Colon, and the child's mother claimed that she had nothing to do with the incident. According to state records, Colon has been arrested for shoplifting on numerous occasions. She was booked into jail and charged with theft and aggravated assault.
Tech Support Pits None of the usual Windows 7 defenders, who usually accuse me of not reading the instructions and just badmouthing Microsoft's latest and greatest, have written with any solution to the Windows 7 Phantom Drive problem. From: Christin Re: Printing booklets Dear Webby, Is there a formula for sorting the page numbers of booklets? I want to print them 4 pages to a sheet, 2 on the front, 2 on the back. The pagination and printing used to be done by my hubby, until he died. Trying to shuffle the pages myself is driving me crazy. Where can I get the formula for that? Christin Dear Christin There is a lot more to that than just a formula. Trying to get the printer to print the pages correctly with four or more "pages" per sheet would indeed drive you crazy, unless you are comfortable with a special type of math. You need some specialized software for doing that. I have used Clickbook since the days, when I still had a noisy Dot-Matrix printer. With ClickBook you pick one out of over 170 formats, teach it how your printer works. It needs to know which way does it print, when you take the output and drop it straight down into the input tray, without turning or flipping it. Then you tell it whether you want a blank cover or no cover, which file to print, and hit PRINT. After it prints one side, it tells you to take the stack from the output and drop it straight down into the input tray, and hit OK. When done, you simply take the output, fold it in half and pound it tight with a rubber hammer. As I mentioned, it has over 170 different formats to choose, including Tri-Fold brochures, long fold table riders, CD/DVD jewel case inserts, etc. Printng e-Books in paperback format, 4 pages per sheet, saves you an incredible amount of paper and ink / toner. Naturally, all that high math is not free, however, they kept the price of Clickbook the same for about twenty years. If you lose this link, just go to my Tool Box. It has been in there for almost twenty years, and I have never in all that time heard a single complaint about Clickbook. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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My client Anita and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Anita made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly bootiful," he said politely. "Ivoly flom lasst highland ellefant!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Cosmetics Containers For Jewelry I have found that old cosmetics containers (that have been cleaned out) are great to store jewelry in for a weekend trip. It's also a great way to recycle! By craftattack Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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>From Ann I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the gates of heaven there were two lines, with signs above them. One line was labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands", and the other was labeled "Non-Henpecked Husbands." In the line labeled " Hen Pecked Husbands" was filled with men and it stretched as far far as the eye could see. The other line "non-Hen Pecked Husbands" had only one skinny bald little man with thick glasses. After surveying the two lines, St. Peter walked over to the little man in the Non-Henpecked line, grabbed his hand and told him how amazed he was at his accomplishment, and asked him "how in the world did you do it? You are the only man in this line." The little man looked at St. Peter with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Gee mister I don't know what you are talking about, my wife told me to stand here."
» Currier and Ives


Today in 
324 -BC- Origin of Era of Alexander
1775 General Washington forbids enlisting blacks 
1918 Emperor Karl of Austria-Hungary abdicates
1927 Trotsky expelled from Soviet CP; Stalin becomes dictator 
1928 British steamer "Vestris" capsizes & sinks off Virginia, kills 110
1933 Nazis receive 92% of vote in Germany
1938 Hermann Goering announces he wants Madagascar 
   as a Jewish homeland 
1946 1st drive-up bank window established (Chicago) 
1948 Japanese premier Hideki Tojo sentenced to death 
   by war crimes tribunal 
1954 Ellis Island, immigration station in NY Harbor, closed 
1956 Largest observed iceberg, 208 by 60 miles, 1st sighted
  ( Gullible Warming II )
1977 New Orleans elects 1st black mayor, Ernest (Dutch) Morial 
1979 US halts Iranian oil imports & freezes Iranian assets
1984 Space shuttle astronauts snared a satellite 
   1st space salvage 
1987 Heavy snow closes schools from DC to Maine 
2012  smiled


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Difficulty getting a McAfee Download 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 11
Remembrance Day
Armistice Day
Veterans Day
Hero's Day
Poppy Day

In Canada, and many other countries, aside from parades
and whatever else is planned for the day, there are 
two minutes of silence at 11:00 am to commemorate the 
soldiers killed or hurt in the wars. The rest of the day is
for the soldiers, who are alive.

Many stores and offices also play "Pittance of Time" just 
before 11:00, to remind people.


If your email rogram hides the movie, you can see it on YouTube at
Pittance Of Time

If you are just traveling in Canada and wonder why everybody 
is wearing a poppy, and has been for a week 
now you know why.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' --- Ronald Reagan No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it. --- Hal Chadwick
>From Anna The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" And another voice piped up: "Did they do both ears with one shot?"
>From Nina Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Bomber. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Billie, were all very attached to Bomber and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Bomber and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Bomber, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Billie to observe the procedure. They felt as though Billie might learn something from the experience, and realize that Bomber would go gently. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Bomber's Family surrounded him. Billie seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Bomber slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Bomber's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Bomber's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Billie, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to (OLD picture) Shelley Lapsley, 42, in Fort Wayne, Indiana Charged With Insurance Fraud After Brawling With School Bus, Losing Reported by the Weekly Vice Shelley Lapsley, a 42-year-old Fort Wayne woman has been charged after she allegedly punched a school bus with her fists, then attempted to file a false insurance claim. According to Fort Wayne police, Lapsley allegedly submitted a claims report to the Fort Wayne Community School's insurance company, stating that she had been struck by one of their school buses. Lapsley's story fell apart, however, when surveillance video obtained from the bus showed her intentionally punching the bus with her fists. Lapsley was charged with Class D felony insurance fraud.
Tech Support Pits None of the usual Windows 7 defenders, who usually accuse me of not reading the instructions and just badmouthing Microsoft's latest and greatest, have written with any solution to the Windows 7 Phantom Drive problem. From: Carole Re: Problem getting McAfee Carole had a badly infected machine, that the local computer shop was not able to clean, and could not get McAfee with the regular link. No idea whether the McAfee site was too busy, under attack, or whether her virus infection did not allow her to go to McAfee. (Many viruses do that!) So I gave her a couple of back-door links: http://promos.mcafee.com/Offer.aspx?id=419305 or for the Total Protection: http://promos.mcafee.com/Offer.aspx?id=419268 both still with the ID for the big discounts. Then she wrote: Dear Webby, got it . Now tell me, does it remove viruses already on my computer? If not how do I get rid of them? Thanks again. Carole Dear Carole Yes, it sure does! The first time you tell it to scan, it will quarantine or dump anything it finds suspicious. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Sillizzy When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aspirin For Cold Fingers and Toes My toes felt frozen throughout the entire month of October and winter was just beginning. I searched for answers on the internet and came across one remedy that I felt was thrifty and worth trying. It said to take one baby/low dose aspirin every day and guess what? It works! By oSandi from Sherwood Park, Alberta ------------------------- Baby Aspirin is a blood thinner. If it makes a big difference, then the heart should be checked soon! It is possible that a bit of blood thinning is all, that is needed, but doing JUST that is messing with the symptoms, not the cause. Get heart and circulation checked out soon! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Each year, several giant computer expos at the Convention Center attract mobs of people. I ran into a friend the day after she had gone to one, and asked her about it. "By the time I got there," she said, "it was so crowded you couldn't get a nerd in edgewise."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Barb As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers disregard the airline attendant's pleas to stay seated when the plane taxies to the gate. One attendant captured my heart by announcing: "The captain will be parking the aircraft at Gate 41 in approximately two minutes. I have seen the captain's car. I am going to remain seated, with the seat-belt securely snugged up."
» Sandy: Before and After


Today in 
1620 41 pilgrims land in Massachusetts, sign Mayflower Compact
1647 Massachusetts passes 1st US compulsory school attendance law
1714 A highway in the Bronx is laid out, later renamed East 233rd Street 
1918 Armistice Day-WW I ends at 11 AM
1925 Robert Millikan announces discovery of cosmic rays 
1933 "Great Black Blizzard" 1st great dust storm in the Great Plains
1942 During WW II Germany completes their occupation of France
1975 Australian PM removed by crown 
1988 Oldest known insect fossils (390 million years) reported
1992 General Synod votes for Ordination of women in the UK 
2012  smiled


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Phantom drives in Windows 7 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 10

Saw in the News:
Harper Government blocks new fees on memory cards
Ottawa - Canada's decade old media levy just got an exemption.
The levy which got high tech vendors, solution providers and 
retailers up in arms back in 2002, received an exemption for 
microSD memory cards from levies under the private copying 
regime.

If the vendors pass on the savings, that should reduce the 
cost of SD memory cards for cameras, thumb-drives, 
cell phones, etc.

November 11 is Veterans Day in the US, and
Remembrance Day in Canmada and the Commonwealth countries.
In Canada, when Remembrance Day falls on a Saturday or Sunday,
it is celebrated on the nearest Monday, since it is a stat holiday.
Many other countries akso have their version of Remembrance 
Day on the Monday closest to November 11.

In the US, it is NOT a stat holiday, and not celebrated on 
the nearest Monday, but on November 11, and in some places
on the nearest Sunday.

November 11 is also called Poppy Day.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.
Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae



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Great necessities call out great virtues. --- Abigail Adams You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. --- Henry Ford Except in politics! Unrealistic election promises are even good enough for a Nobel prize.
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking. There was a thick and heavy snow storm and a foot of snow on top of the icy hardpack that had covered the parking lot when they had arrived earlier. They jumped into the icy car and started it up. Suddenly they were in a hurry to get home and the driver floored the accelerator. After a couple of minutes in the thick snow storm, just as the car heater started to blow warm air, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at he window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver stomped down the accelerator even harder, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, yelled, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror. A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man's face reappeared in the heavy blizzard. "There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw a lighter out the window, screaming at the driver: "Step on it!" The speedometer showed about 100 miles an hour now. They were trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping. "Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?" The old man gently replied, "Do you guys want some help getting off that icy patch?"
One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll Give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Jock, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.
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A rather Posh Lady was sauntering around an exclusive London art gallery when she stopped by one particular exhibit. "I suppose this picture of a hideous witch is what you would call modern art?" she asked in a very pompous manner. "No, Ma'm," replied the gallery assistant, "We call that a mirror." An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Niles, Gammons, 22, in Urbana, Ohio Bonehead In Two Drunk Driving Busts, At The Same Time Reported by the Smoking Gun Due to daylight saving switch, Bonehead was nabbed twice at 1:08 AM Niles Gammons, 22, was first pulled over by an Urbana cop when he was spotted driving an Oldsmobile the wrong way in an alley. Gammons was pulled over at 1:08 AM by an officer who reported that he reeked of booze and had glassy eyes. Sergeant Dave Reese noted that when he sought to have Gammons perform a Breathalyzer test, “I could hear that he had something in his mouth.” As it turned out, Gammons’s mouth was filled with pennies. “I then advised Niles that pennies in the mouth were a myth and that it did not help in taking a breath test,” Reese noted. After Gammons’s blood alcohol content was measured at .116, he was arrested for drunk driving. After being transported to the Urbana police headquarters, Gammons was issued citations and “released to an adult.” Following Gammons’s departure, Reese wrote, “At 2:00 AM, the time changed from daylight savings time to standard time and 2:00 AM became 1:00 AM.” At 1:08 AM, “exactly one hour after the first stop”. Reese was driving his patrol car in Urbana’s municipal parking lot when a vehicle “backed out of a spot rapidly and nearly collided with my cruiser.” Reese quickly determined that Gammons was behind the wheel. “I asked Niles why he was driving, because he was under suspension and still drunk.” Gammons replied that “his friend that picked him up dropped him off and refused to take him home.” Then, in a sterling example of intoxicated logic, Gammons explained that he “was afraid of getting arrested for public intoxication so he decided to drive,” according to the police report. Gammons was again arrested for drunk driving and transported to the Urbana Police Division, where his blood alcohol content registered .109. The separate tickets issued to Gammons both carry the same date and time--November 4 at 1:08 AM. He is set to appear --for both cases-- in Champaign County Municipal Court on November 15. Each matter is scheduled for 3:30 PM.
Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: Phantom drives in Windows 7 Dear Webby, Windows 7 has decided that the ancient HP multifunction klunker, that stopped printing seven years ago but still works OK as a scanner, is now a hard drive. It also invented a phantom drive, that has no hardware in THIS universe. Or not in THIS time. Maybe Windows 7 just reserved it for a time traveler, that it expects to arrive some day in the future. What IS extremely annoying, is that it pushed my USB Expansion Drive from F: to H: Now all the software installed, when the drive was still F:, and all the icons pointing to folders on that drive, still point to F:, not H: I am afraid if I re-install all the software, that I had put onto F:, to keep the C: drive lean and fast, like you had recommended many years ago, onto the H: drive, and change all the icons to point to places on the H: drive, then Windows 7 will suddenly stop the nonsense and call the expansion drive F: again. What's the story, and what do you recommend? Alex Dear Alex That is actually quite common on Windows 7, and one of the many reasons, why I don't recommend it. It makes Windows 7 totally unsuitable for business use, and is occasionally blamed on Linux infiltrators at Microsoft. It definitely does encourage businesses to switch to Linux. As far as I know, there is no fix for the phantom drive bug, and messing with the partitions is definitely not recommended. That card house is unstable enough already. It is qite safe to re-install your programs to the H: drive, and edit the icons to point to folders on the H: drive. I have not heard of Windows 7 ever stopping the phantom drive nonsense. If anybody knows of a remedy for Windows 7 phantom drives, please tell me! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her aunt for her birthday. The aunt asked how she was going to spend it. "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He'll crap his drawers when he sees a TEN DOLLAR bill instead of just some coins as usual."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aspirin For Cold Fingers and Toes My toes felt frozen throughout the entire month of October and winter was just beginning. I searched for answers on the internet and came across one remedy that I felt was thrifty and worth trying. It said to take one baby/low dose aspirin every day and guess what? It works! By oSandi from Sherwood Park, Alberta ------------------------- Baby Aspirin is a blood thinner. If it makes a big difference, then the heart should be checked soon! It is possible that a bit of blood thinning is all, that is needed, but doing JUST that is messing with the symptoms, not the cause. Get heart and circulation checked out soon! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert! Vintners in the Napa Valley who produce primarily Pinot Blancs and Pinot Grigios have developed a new hybrid grape, which acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night. They will be marketing the new wine as Pinot More.
» Underwater Museum


Today in 
1674 Dutch formally cede New Netherlands (NY) to English 
1801 Kentucky outlaws dueling
1836 Louis Napoleon banished to America
1864 Austrian Archduke Maximilian became emperor of Mexico 
1928 Hirohito enthroned as Emperor of Japan
1951 1st long distance telephone call without operator assistance 
1975 Ore ship Edmund Fitzgerald & crew of 29 lost in storm on 
   Lake Superior
1989 Germans begin punching holes in the Berlin Wall 
1989 Word Perfect 5.1 is shipped, best and fastest word 
   processor ever released.
2084 Transit of Earth as seen from Mars. (Earth will be seen
  as a black dot marching across the sun)
2012  smiled


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Restore lost icons on Windows 7 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The news are warning about "Deadly Snow Storms across
the prairies" snd 18 more inches of snow tomorrow. I have a
doctor's sppointment tomorrow mid day. Instead of laying 
rubber out of the garage and hitting the snow drifts at full
speed in reverse, and sorta aiming for the road, I am going 
to walk. Actually, I am looking forward to the walk. Going
there will be -12, Wind N @ 15, headwind, but coming home, 
with the wind at my back, -12 won't be bad at all.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


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"Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory." --- General George S. Patton The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Socratex The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco
An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three."
>From Joy Dear Webby, Here is an oldie but a goodie for this cold and snowy time of year! Thanks for your humor letter each day. I also enjoy the bonus links, tech support, and pictures. Joy A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Then she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
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Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version CC, Dianne's Cat Mat Tester
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Mistakes from her language students: "I was walking to school and suddenly a beautiful woman cut my eye." "She said she doesn't like fringe kissing. She prefers kiss- ing men without tongues." "He always erupts before I am finished talking." "We were lovers, but now she is my biggest enema!" "My father met us at the airport and gave me a big hog. Then he hogged my wife." "We live on the sex floor. Our apartment is small but we have a nice view." "He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss." "Unfortunately, the school board was forced to cut fifteen percent off all teachers." "Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!" "I like you. My other tutor won't correct my grandma." "It was so exciting to watch! The cheerleaders threw up high into the air." "Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful about that. Once a car starts lusting, there's no way to stop it." "You can't sleep with me because it is too crowded. But you can probably sleep with my sister. That's what most of my friends do when they visit. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her. He had such a worm heart. We were two sheeps passing in the night. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet. My dentist makes me blush twice a day. I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting. I have something exciting to tell you. My girlfriend and I got enraged last night! The groom was wearing a very nice croissant. I think she is really glad she got marinated. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, Pensacola Caregiver Assaulted Bedridden 106-Year-Old Woman With A "Sexual Instrument" Reported by the Smoking Gun A female caregiver was arrested today and charged with sexually assaulting a 106-year-old woman in her care, according to cops. Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, had been providing in-home care to the bedridden victim, according to the Pensacola Police Department. Investigators determined that Watson last month had "used a sexual instrument" on the elderly woman. Watson, pictured in the mug shot, was charged with sexual assault and booked into the Escambia County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond. A police report lists her employer as Interim HealthCare in Pensacola. According to a police statement, the investigation of Watson, who has worked as a caretaker for the elderly for eight years, is continuing "to determine if anyone else may have been victimized." A police report provides disturbing details of the October 26 assault of the woman, who cops described as having "no known mental health issues" and whose "mental capacity appeared to be fine." The victim told police that Watson, whom she knew as "Q", assaulted her with a six-inch "peter", that she removed from her purse along with a jar of Vaseline. The woman told police that Watson "pulled her pants and diaper down and told her that this 'would make her feel good.'" As Watson allegedly tried to assault her with the sex toy, the victim said she screamed at the caregiver to stop. Watson replied that, "all the old people like it and it makes them feel good," according to the woman's account to police. The victim said that when she started to bleed from her vagina, Watson cursed at her and said she would "get it in next time" before warning that, "if you tell anyone, I will hurt you." The victim was subsequently given a sexual assault examination which revealed "obvious signs of trauma" to her vagina, cops reported.
Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Lost icons on Windows 7 Dear Webby, My Windows 7 desktop keeps losing icons, not just shuffling them around. Even "Save My Desktop" is no help. What can I do to keep my icons and keep them in place? Erin Dear Erin Upgrade to XP. Yes, I know, that is probably not possible for you, but that seems to be the only way to avoid that bug in Windows 7. Some moron at Microsoft decided that since the concept of W7 was to be more blonde than VISTA, and to add cutesy gimmicks without thinking them through, they somehow rigged it so that momentarily not acessible icons get dumped. If you use an external drive and have some icons pointing to programs or folders on that drive, if a momentary power failure interrupts that drive, or if you unplug it for a moment to re-route the cables, W7 steals the icons and data for items on that drive and permanently deletes them. SMD and similar programs are powerless against such gross stupidity. They can only log the position and the names and icon files, but when W7 steals and deletes those, all that placement info is useless. Eventually somebody will write a utility to help you cope with that Windows 7 bug, or should I say concept malfunction? Desktop Restore from MidiOx helps restore icons, that Windows 7 lost during resizing or sorting, but so far nothing restores icons, that Windows deletes because of a temporarily unplugged drive. With Desktop Restore, make sure you do not have "Align Icons to Grid" checked. That function is bad news. When you download the program, use the 64 bit version for W7. If you lose this link, I have had Deasktop Restore in the Tool Box for many years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pillow Case as Sewing Machine Cover For an inexpensive sewing machine cover, purchase a good quality pillow case from the thrift store or yard sale. Cut and shape the bottom, fancy open end to fit your sewing machine. Sew across the edge you just cut. You can add lace or whatever you like to embellish it. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my co-workers came in and asked me what I'm doing. "Shh," I said, " I'm a light bulb -- I'm acting crazy to get a few days off, as there is an out of town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday. ." A minute later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing. "I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed. "You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you are de-stressed” With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started following me and the Boss asked where she was going. I can't work in the dark," she said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra."
» Underwater Museum


Today in 
1526 Jews are expelled from Pressburg Hungary
1720 Rabbi Yehuda Hasid synagogue set afire 
1799 Napoleon becomes dictator (1st consul) of France
1862 US Grant issues orders to bar Jews from serving
1872 Fire destroys nearly 1,000 buildings in Boston
1913 Storm "Freshwater Fury" sinks 8 ore-carriers on Great Lakes
1918 Kaiser Wilhelm II abdicates after German defeat in WW I 
1923 Beer Hall Putsch-NAZIs fail
1927 Giant Panda discovered, China 
1932 Hurricane storm wave sweeps over Santa Cruz del Sur 
   Cuba kills 2,500 
1938 "Kristallnacht" (Crystal Night)-Nazi stormtroopers 
   attacked Jews
1961 PGA eliminates Caucasians only rule
1984 Vietnam Veterans Memorial ("3 Servicemen") completed 
1989 East Berlin opens its borders
1990 President Bush announces DOUBLING of US forces in Gulf 
2012  smiled


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Lost Addressbar 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 8

Election commercials are finished, and Christmas commercials
ready to start any day now. Shoppers DrugMart tried to start 
them already, and got a lot of bad PR over that. There was 
so much bitching and complaining, that they decided to cut 
the Christmas music in the stores and promised to keep it
off until December 1st. They will be playing non-denominational
elevator music until then. As far as I am concerned, I would 
be quite happy if they eleiminated the noise and reserved
Christmas music for the last two weeks of shopping frenzy. 

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor. --- Elizabeth I It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. --- David T. Wolf
Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally, the 10-year-old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"
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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there some ol fart you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shena Hardin, 32, in Cleveland, Ohio Ohio woman who drove on sidewalk to avoid school bus ordered to wear 'idiot' sign Reported by Lillemor A woman caught on camera driving on a sidewalk to avoid a Cleveland school bus that was unloading children will have to stand at an intersection wearing a sign warning about idiots. Court records show a Cleveland Municipal Court judge on Monday ordered 32-year-old Shena Hardin to stand at an intersection for two days next week. She will have to wear a sign saying: "Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus." The judge ordered her to wear the sign from 7:45 a.m. to 8:45 a.m. both days. Hardin's license was suspended for 30 days and she was ordered to pay $250 in court costs.
Tech Support Pits From: Louise Re: Lost Address Bar Dear Webby, The place on my home page where I type urls to get on the Internet is gone. How do I get it back. Thank you. Louise Dear Louise In the browser, click on VIEW TOOLBARS and put a checkmark on ADDRESS BAR Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Attach Pull Tab To Driver's License When you go to the store and write a check. They want your drivers license, but it's hard to take out of the slot. Put a strip of scotch tape on the end to make a tab. Now you have a pull. Source: A gal came in the store and had it done. Great idea! By Vi M. from Mobridge, SD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Thanks to Sandie for this:
June 2012 Statistics On Airport Screening
From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites 2,330
Hernias 4,750
Hemorrhoid Cases 6,420
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast implants 3,593,500
Natural Blondes 13
It was also discovered that 535 traveling members of Congress had no balls. Thought you'd like to know. Once this gets out, the fancy X-Ray portals will probably get scrapped.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
» Holland Harvest


Today in 
1631 Pierre Gassendi observes transit of Mercury predicted by Kepler
1789 Bourbon Whiskey, 1st distilled from corn (by Elijah Craig, Bourbon KY) 
1793 Louvre in Paris, opens
1885 Canadian Pacific Railway completed at Craigellachie
1889 Montana admitted as 41st state
1895 Wilhelm Rontgen discovers X-rays
1917 British capture Gaza Palestine from the Turks 
1917 October Revolution (Oct 26 OS) in Russia, Lenin seizes power
1918 Goddard demonstrates tube-launched solid propellant rockets
1944 25,000 Hungarian Jews are loaned to the Nazis for forced labor
1962 Richard Nixon quits politics-You won't have Nixon to kick around
1966 Movie actor Ronald Reagan elected governor of California
1972 President Nixon (R) re-elected defeating George McGovern (D)
1980 Voyager 1 space probe discovers 15th moon of Saturn 
1982 Liz Taylor's 7th divorce (John Warner) 
1985 Colombian troops end 27-hr siege of Bogota's Palace of Justice
1990 100,000 additional US troops are sent to the Persian gulf
1990 Saddam fires his army chief & threatens to destroy Arabian peninsula 
2012  smiled


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Swapping monitors 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 5

Thank you Professor Bill!

While you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary for 
more injections into the eyes. There won't be a Tuesday 
issue, and possibly not Wednesday either.

The US Government ruled that you lose all your property rights 
by storing your data on the cloud. After they shut down 
Megaupload's service they denied third parties access to their 
own files. Many businesses used Megaupload's cloud service 
to store and share files not related to piracy. They used it 
for traveling employees to up- or download files without 
jeopardizing security at their own server, in case a laptop
was lost or stolen.

This seems to apply to Amazon's S3 or Google Apps or Apple 
iCloud services as well, and could lead to some very high
profile court cases. If you used Megaupload to store the 
pictures of your wedding for all your friends and overseas 
relatives to download, it will be cheaper to get married again, 
than to fight the feds over those pictures. 

If you are planning to use the cloud for a common repository,
get your own domain! I can secure a domain name for you
for $10 a year, and $4.50 a month will cover the hosting.
Then YOU are in control and the feds can't take your files,
as long as you stay reasonably close to the law.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. --- Suzanne Necker For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. --- Alice Kahn Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely" --- Will Rogers
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's women's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
A Minnesota Story All of his life Olle had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Olle's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Olle stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Olle went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Olle's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in December, when the lake is not frozen yet."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version Dragon Falls, Venezuela
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elzbieta Plackowska, 40, Naperville, IL Stabbed two children more than 150 times Reported by The Weekly Vice lzbieta Plackowska, a 40-year-old Illinois woman has been charged with murder after she allegedly told two young children to get on their knees and pray before stabbing them more than 150 times. That is premeditated first degree murder. According to Naperville police, Plackowska became enraged when her father passed away in Poland and her husband wasn't keen on the idea of moving back to the homeland to be closer to him. In retaliation, Plackowska sought revenge on her husband by stabbing to death her own 7-year-old son and a 5-year-old girl she had agreed to babysit. Investigators say Plackowska walked into a bedroom where her son and the little girl were busy jumping on a bed. Plackowska allegedly told her son that he was about to go to heaven before ordering him and the little girl to get on their knees and pray. Following a short prayer, Plackowska produced a knife and stabbed her son more than 100 times as he pleaded for his life and told her that he loved her. Plackowska then turned to the 5-year-old girl who begged for her life. Plackowska allegedly stabbed the little girl more than 50 times. She later told police that she stabbed the little girl to death because the girl was a witness to a crime. Following the stabbings, Plackowska fled to a nearby church before making her way to a relative's home. The relative called police after Plackowska arrived at the home drenched in blood. During a police interview, Plackowska first told officers that a stalker had broken into her town home and stabbed the children to death. A short time later she changed her story and stated that she heard voices from the devil and killed the children to save their souls. Eventually, Plackowska told detectives that she stabbed the children because she was angry with her husband and wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her. When investigators entered Plackowska's home, they found her deceased son laying on the floor and the deceased girl laying on a bed. Two dogs were also found dead near the childrens' bodies. Plackowska reportedly came to the United States from Poland 12 years ago and wanted to move back. Her husband was against the idea. Police were dispatched to the grisly scene after Plackowska's older son called 911. Plackowska's husband works as a truck driver and was reportedly out of town when the murders took place. Plackowska was booked into jail and charged with two counts of first-degree murder. Bail has been denied in the case, since she will probably wind up on death row.
Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Swapping Monitors Dear Webby, Love your newsletter! How hard is it to change monitors? I'm using a 2-yr-old, medium-quality 17" flat-panel model on my WinXP PC now and somebody gave me a brand new Dell 17" flat-panel monitor along with the User Documentation disc. Would it be very hard for a mostly computer-illiterate like me to do? --Lynn Dear Lynn The biggest challenge is opening the cardboard box and taking the new monitor out. Cut the tape on top, open the flaps all the way and tape them to the side. Take out any paperwork and styrofoam stuff. Turn the box upside down. Lift the box off the monitor. Lift the monitor from the floor or table to where you want it to be. Then the fancy electical work: Unplug the cables at the old monitor. Knock the old monitor onto the floor or onto a soft easy chair. Push the new monitor in place. Plug the old cables into the new monitor. That's all there is to it. You can't plug the cables in wrong, there is only one way they will fit. Windows will recognize the monitor and adjust accordingly. I doubt that you have to run the CD, since the old one is also a flat panel LCD monitor. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pancake Batter in Squeeze Bottle Use an empty squeeze bottle like a ketchup or syrup bottle. Mix your pancake batter according to your box instructions. Add it to your squeeze bottle with a funnel. Then put it into the fridge the night before, and have pancakes for breakfast. No rush or mess! By coville123 from Brockville Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>From Ed Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends' and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced. "Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" I asked. "Have you tried a wife?" he replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
» The Bus Stops Here!


Today in 
1414 Council of Constance (16th ecumenical council) opens)
1492 Christopher Columbus learns of maize (corn) from the 
   Indians of Cuba
1605 Gunpowder Plot; Catholics try to blow up English 
  Parliament. Plot uncovered & leader Guy Fawkes hanged 
1895 1st US patent granted for auto (George B Selden) 
1914 Britain annexes Cyprus 
1955 New Vienna Opera house opens (old one had been bombed)
1956 Britain & France land forces in Egypt 
1967 ATS-3 launched by US to take 1st pictures of full Earth disk 
1987 Iceberg twice the size of Rhode Island sighted in Antarctic 
2012  smiled


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Do Not Cll list for cellphones 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 4

Monday morning I have to go to Calgary for more injections 
into the eyes. There probably won't be a Tuesday issue, and 
possibly not Wednesday either.

Check your clocks! The US and Canada are now in sync with
the rest of the world. Your computer updated automatically,
but your stove and your alarm clock didn't.

>From Tom:
Roon Serbis (Ruin Sorbees)
From the fertile mind of Shelly Berman back in the early 60s.
I thought maybe you would like to give Mr Berman credit.
Tom

Thanks Tom
All these years I did not realize that Holiday Inn employees 
were just pretending to be Shelly Berman fans and not 
really talking with a certain accent. Actually, I have not 
been at a Holiday Inn for over a dozen years. 

Where do your donations go?

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates. --- Don Marquis Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else --- Will Rogers Beware of the young doctor and the old barber. --- Benjamin Franklin It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. --- Robert Frost
Danny said to his son, "It's time we had a little talk my son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else." "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal, it's called golf." ----------------------- Hmmm, missed that one. I thought he was going to say "Women!". With me, they made sure I never had time for golf.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version Dragon Falls, Venezuela
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Two timid Mexican smugglers Mexican Smugglers too timid Reported by The Smoking Gun A harebrained attempt by suspected smugglers to drive a Jeep Cherokee up and over a U.S.-Mexico border fence failed early Tuesday when the vehicle got stuck atop the 14-foot tall barrier. As seen above, the teetering SUV was spotted by U.S. Border Patrol agents after it had been driven up a makeshift ramp, but could not complete the trip’s final leg into Arizona. When agents approached the vehicle, two individuals on the fence's Mexican side fled. Investigators suspect that the Jeep likely contained narcotics, which were offloaded when the vehicle became stuck. Obviously the Jeep had been driven way too slow and did not jump over the kink, a basic challenge in off-road truck rodeos.
Tech Support Pits From: Kay Re: Do Not Call Cellphone list Dear Webby, thanks again for all your humor, pictures and computer help. I have been receiving a number to get on a do not call list for cell phones: 1-888-3821-1222 I don't know if this number is legit or not. Hope you can help. Thank you Kay Dear Kay Looks like you got a 1 too many It should be: 1-888-382-1222 More info is at their new site: https://www.donotcall.gov/ Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pancake Batter in Squeeze Bottle Use an empty squeeze bottle like a ketchup or syrup bottle. Mix your pancake batter according to your box instructions. Add it to your squeeze bottle with a funnel. Then put it into the fridge the night before, and have pancakes for breakfast. No rush or mess! By coville123 from Brockville Box instructions? Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>From Bob I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes... I decide to do work on the car, I start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on the car... BUT FIRST... I'm going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk.... BUT FIRST... I'll take the trash out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills.... Yes. Now, where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty plastic cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks... BUT FIRST... I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away... BUT FIRST... I need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants... BUT FIRST... I need to find those checks. END OF DAY: Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys,... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious... I'd get help... BUT FIRST... I think I'll check my e-mail.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Wife to Husband: "I'll have you know that I stuck-up for you today". Husband..."Really? What happened". Wife..."Another woman at my card party said that you were so sloppy, that you wasn't fit to live with pigs. I stuck up fer you and told her that you definitely ARE!"
» Wyman Meinzer's West Texas


Today in 
1862 Gatling gun patented
1873 Dentist John Beers of San Francisco patents the gold crown 
1922 Howard Carter discovers tomb of Tutankhamen in Egypt 
1939 1st air conditioned automobile (Packard) exhibited, Chicago, Ill 
1939 US allows "cash & carry" arms sales during WW II 
1956 200,000 Russian troops attack anti-Stalinist revolt in Budapest 
1956 Israel captures Straits of Tiran from Egypt
1956 Israeli troops reach Suez Canal 
1957 2nd Soviet Earth-satellite launched
1979 500 Iranians seize US embassy, take 90 hostages (444 days) 
1991 Mid East peace conference ends in Madrid Spain
2012  smiled


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Internet Radio 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 3

If you are planning to donate to organizations to help
hurricane victims, keep in mind that the Red Cross does
not accept canned goods, clothing, blankets or tents.
Just cash. They have a lot of high-end executives, who
clamor to get paid.

Check out this comparison chart:
Where do your donations go?

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn." --- Benjamin Franklin "A market is never saturated with a good product, but it is very quickly saturated with a bad one." --- Henry Ford
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?" G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?" G: "What?" RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?" G: "I don't think so." RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bodder?" G: "No...just put the bodder on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Excuse me?" RS: "Copy...tea...meel?" G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say." RS: "Tendjewberrymuds." G: "You're very welcome."
A chubby young woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seat in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. Chubby replies "I'm young and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again she replies "I'm young and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a girlfriend like that and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in her ear. She immediately gets up, says "thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he said to the woman. He replies "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joshua Stuart, 24 and Gregory Lampert, 26 in Bartok, Florida Verizon Employee Stole Woman's Naked Photos Reported by The Smoking Gun Bartow cops say Joshua Stuart, 24, who works at a cellphone store took personal nude pics from a customer's phone while transferring her data to a new device. Stuart then shared the pics with a co-worker, Gregory Lampert, 26. The duo then showed the racy photos to a customer who recognized the woman even without any clothes on, and then contacted her. The woman went to the police, who confiscated their cell phones and a computer, and arrested one and put out an arrest warrant for the other. Some judge is going to throw the book at them.
Tech Support Pits From: Regina Re: Internet radio Dear Webby You have occasionally mentioned using Internet radio. I have tried a few of them, but am not impressed. Some of them have as many comercials as the local radio stations, and are quite limited in their music selections. Which one do you use, and how much does it cost? Regina Dear Regina I use Accu Radio from http://accuradio.com They have a huge selection of channels, andyou can "ban" artists. For example, I dion't like screechers for background music while I am working, so I ban those. There are plenty of other artists. Accuradio has visual ads, but they are no problem if you got their screen running in the back, covered up by the spreadsheet or word processor, where you work. You can even browse with other browser windows open, or minimize the one with Accuradio to an icon on the task bar. It has it's own volume control, that does not affect the overall volume control. For example, I have Accuradio set as fairly quiet background music, but have the little pop-up Alarm set for maximum. Accuradio gets along fine with Skype. When a voice or video call comes in, it fades to a barely noticeable whisper, and gives full volume to Skype. There is no cost. Accuradio has always been free. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Brillo Pad Last Longer To prevent a Brillo pad from getting rusty, rinse after use then shake out all of the excess water. Make sure no more water comes out when you shake it. I even hit the pad against the sink wall a few times. The pad will last so much longer! By FI1969 from Catonsville, MD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look. His responding gestures were very cofusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space. "You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm ! wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went! shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding! And I'll be there early."
» Dallas Arboretum


Today in 
1394 Jews are expelled from France by Charles VI 
1679 Great panic occurs in Europe over the close approach of a comet 
1762 Spain acquires Louisiana 
1839 1st opium war-2 British frigates engage several Chinese junks 
1885 Tacoma vigilantes drive out Chinese, burn their homes
1918 Austro-Hungarian Empire dissolves
1918 Poland proclaims independence from Russia after WW I  
1927 Tropical storm flooding kills 84 in Winooski River Valley (Vt) 
1930 1st vehicular tunnel to a foreign country (Detroit-Windsor)
1931 1st commercially produced synthetic rubber manufactured 
1948 Truman beats Dewey, confounding pollsters & newspapers
1955 1st virus crystallized (announced) 
1957 USSR launches Sputnik 2 with a dog (Laika)
1973 Mariner 10 launched-1st Venus pics, 1st mission to Mercury 
1979 63 Americans taken hostage at US Embassy (Teheran, Iran) 
1984 3,000 die in 3 day anti-Sikh riot in India 
1986 Lebanese magazine Ash Shirra reveals secret US arms 
    sales to Iran 
1988 Reagan signs credit-card disclosure-bill
1988 Soviet Union agrees to allow teaching of Hebrew 
2012  smiled


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Link not working in MSN Mail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



We had some nice hoar frost that lasted till mid afternoon.
No sun to light it up. Maybe tomorrow?

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry." --- Winston Churchill Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. --- Robert Frost
Jason went to a psychiatrist "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor yelled: "Next!" You got to be nuts to go see a shrink!
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife and her mother are up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lisa Wagnon, 48, in Salado, Texas Jailed for Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Lisa Wagnon Facebook Reported by The Weekly Vice Lisa Wagnon, a 48-year-old teacher at Salado Intermediate School was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to the Bell County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched last Monday after a student told school administrators that Wagnon was having a sexual relationship with a student. School administrators questioned the alleged beneficiary, who reportedly confirmed the relationship. Investigators say Wagnon picked up the student from school, drove him to her home and had sexual intercourse with him. Detectives also obtained information from the beneficiary's Facebook profile that further substantiate the allegations. Wagnon, who worked as an elementary school reading teacher, has since resigned her position with the district. Wagnon is reportedly married with two teenage children. Wagnon turned herself in to the Travis County Jail after an arrest warrant had been published and was charged with improper relationship between educator and student. Her bond has been set at $10,000. Picking a gossipy kid and yapping on Facebook finished her career.
Tech Support Pits From: Cleta Re: MSN does not show the song video Dear Webby On my MSN mail the video would not play for me. It said i had to go to you tube to listen to it. But I do love that song. Cleta Dear Cleta That is why I added the Youtube link below it. You can also look at the Humor Letter Online. Now that day's page, of course is in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog There the Taliban at MSN can't censor your stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse a Bird Bath Base: Recycle that base from your broken bird bath! Many times I have rescued the bottom portions of those broken concrete bird baths that are out for the trash. Just turn them over and sink the narrow top end into the ground by using a narrow bladed shovel or a post hole digger until it is sitting stable in the dirt. The solid concrete bases can be used as a plant display stand or you can put a large clay pot saucer on the top for a bird bath. By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her family's lack of holiday rituals. "My family doesn't have any traditions," she complained. "We just do the same thing year after year after year."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't?
» Dallas Arboretum


Today in 
1648 12,000 Jews massacred by Chmielnicki in Narol
1915 1st US election by proportional representation, Ashtabula, Ohio
1917 Balfour Declaration proclaims support for a Jewish state in Palestine
1947 Howard Hughes' "Spruce Goose" flies for 1st (& last) time
1948 Truman beats Dewey, confounding pollsters & newspapers
1956 Hungary appeals for UN assistance against Soviet invasion
1956 Israel captures Gaza and Sheham 
1991 Jermaine Jackson releases "Word to the Badd!!" anti Michael song
2012  smiled


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Adjust and pre-set window sizes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 1

One of the fringe benefits of AccuRadio Internet radio is
seeing the info of what is playing. Right now they played
 	God Bless the U.S.A.
Artist: 	Lee Greenwood
Album: 	God Bless the U.S.A
Composer: P. Alger, G. Brooks

As I nudged the volume up, it occurred to me that
anybody singing or listeing to that, might get deprogrammed.

It is from the 80's, so if you want to refresh your memory,
here is a rendition of it on YouTube:


If that does not work in your email program, try this link:
God bless the USA

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


I moved the history column to the end.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money." --- Gary Larson
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he realized that his horse had been stolen. The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Briana Motley, 19, in Dallas, Texas Jailed After Dropping Infant On Head While Fleeing Store Security Reported by The Weekly Vice Briana Motley, a 19-year-old Texas woman was jailed after she dropped her baby daughter on her head while fleeing store security personnel who was attempting to stop her for shoplifting. According to police, security officers at a Macy's department store stopped Motley in the parking lot after she shoplifted several items and then left the store without paying the merchandise. Investigators say security officers watched Motley as she pushed a baby stroller around the store with a baby inside. Motley was also observed stuffing jeans, shirts, sweaters, leggings and other merchandise into the stroller before exiting the store. When security officers made contact with Motley, she responded by grabbing the baby and attempting to flee the scene. The escape attempt was short lived when Motley reportedly dropped the infant on her head. Paramedics called to the scene treated the baby for a lump on the forehead. Motley was booked into the Dallas County Jail and charged with theft and injury to a child.
Tech Support Pits From: Ginger Re: Resize Windows Dear Webby I think you covered this before but I cannot remember what the trick was to make sure all the windows I open are maximized. For some reason, about 2 weeks ago, all the new windows I want to open come up minimized and I have to click to enlarge them.... Thanks for your help – I always enjoy your computer tips. Ginger Dear Ginger Which browser are you using? Which Operating System are you using? XP or W7? Normally that problem occurs only when you use Internet Explorer. All the others have solved that problem. By the way, "Minimized" means all you have is an icon on the task bar, "Maximized" is when a program fills the entire screen so that no other program peeks through on the side or above or below it. "Just Right" is when a program is open big enough to comfortably use it, but leaves a margin open on the side or top or bottom, where you see other icons or other programs, or when you use two or more programs side by side, for example a browser and an email program. "Just Right" is achieved with the bigger square at the top right corner of a window, or by double-clicking the top bar. Normally programs open again to the same "Just Right" size and location the next time you open them. "Just right" is the safest method. That way you can usually see it, when a site opens something behind the top window. Have FUN! DearWebby sorry – I am using Windows 7 Home Premium, 64 bit with Internet Explorer. What I mean by "minimized"¯ is that the screens that open are about 3x3"¯ – too small to do anything with until I maximize them. I would like them to open maximized.... thanks, Ginger Dear Ginger 3 x 3 is not minimized. Minimized is OFF the screen and just an icon on the task bar. Simply grab the edges of a 3 x 3 window and drag it to the size you want, for example almost full screen with just some icons peeking around it's edge. Then it is "Just Right" ( NOT Maximized!) Don't use the square at the right top for that, or double- clicking on the top bar. Do it by dragging the edges of the window. THEN close that program, and re-open it. It will open in the same size and position it was in, when you closed it. That method does not work with Windows Media Player. Microsoft programs are often not compatible with Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Disposable Tablecloths to Wrap Large Items When wrapping larger Christmas gifts, instead of using a lot of wrapping paper and tape, buy a holiday tablecloth (Dollar Store or equivalent), and tie it at the top with ribbon. It works wonderfully! This can be done with any holiday or birthday present and is such a time saver. By Dreamwvr from Spokane, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well-behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager of the club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Director said: "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you let them in?" The General Director agreed. The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Director shouted: "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. "Sit down, nuts!" Everyone sat down. "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around. Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the third inning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion. People were running helter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone had called out: "PEA NUTS!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Work Phrases Explained Activate: Spellcheck and add more names to the memo. Advanced Design: Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters. All New: Parts not interchangeable with existing models. Approved: Needs revising Automatic: Not repairable by user Channels: The trails left by interoffice memos. Clarify: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground. Conference: A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor. Confidential Memo: No time to photocopy for the whole office. Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch. Forwarded For Your Consideration: You hold the bag for a while. FYI: Found yesterday, interested? In Conference: Nobody can find him/her. Let's Get Together On This: I'm assuming you're as confused as I. Note & Initial: I'm not taking the fall for this myself. Policy: We can hide behind this. Please See Me: Come down to my office. I'm lonely/bored. Top Priority: It is rather stupid, but the boss wants it. We Are Taking A Survey: We need more time to think of an answer/excuse or we can't find anyone willing to be responsible for this. Will Advise In Due Course: If we figure it out, we'll let you know.
» Rush Hour Nightmares


Today in 
79 Pompei buried by Mt Vesuvius 
1210 King John of England begins imprisoning Jews 
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on ceiling of Sistine Chapel
1755 Lisbon earthquake kills more than 50,000
1894 Vaccine for diphtheria announced by Dr Roux of Paris
1922 Ottoman Empire abolished 
1928 Graf Zeppelin sets airship distance record of 6384 km 
1932 Wernher von Braun named head of German 
   liquid-fuel rocket program
1939 1st jet plane, Heinkel He 178
1951 1st atomic explosion witnessed by troops, NM 
1952 1st H-Bomb exploded at Eniwetok Atoll
1956 Nagy government of Hungary withdraws from Warsaw Pact 
1962 Greece enters the European Common Market 
1963 Revolt against the Diem regime in South Vietnam
1979 Federal government made $1.5 billion loan to Chrysler
1979 Tanker Burmah Agate off Galveston Bay, Texas, spills 10.7 M
  gallons of oil, in US's worst oil spill disaster 
1990 Sandra Miller awarded $100 for Mike Tyson fondling her
   breasts
2012  smiled


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Boss key 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 31
Happy Halloween!

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1517 Luther posts 95 theses on Wittenberg church-
   Protestant Reformation 
1815 Sir Humphrey Davy of London patents miner's safety lamp 
1952 1st thermonuclear bomb (H-Bomb) detonated-Marshall Islands 
1954 Algerian Revolution against French begins 
1956 Britain & France begin to bomb Egypt to reopen the Suez Canal
1968 President Johnson orders a halt to all bombing of North Vietnam 
1984 Puerto Rican tanker, San Francisco explodes spilling 2 million 
   gallons of oil as the ship caught fire
1987 A pair in Coventry, England ties the world record for the longest 
   singles tennis match at 80 hrs 21 minutes 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Life is just one damned thing after another. --- Elbert Hubbard Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
>From Rosie Dear Webby, a few years ago you had a hilarious diary of a snow shoveler. Have you still got it, and could please you print it again ? Rosie Sure, Rosie! Here it is: Diary of a Snow Shoveler: December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I'm sure he is lying. December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream! December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH is driving me crazy!!!!! December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Peacock Decor Jaipur India
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jayme Sanders, 33, in Williamston, S.C. PTO President jailed for screwing daughter's boyfriend for 5 months Reported by The Weekly Vice Jayme Sanders, a 33-year-old Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) president, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex repeatedly with a 14-year-old student. According to Williamston Police, an investigation began last month when the boy's mother reported the alleged relationship. Investigators say Sanders met the boy when he became friends with her teenage daughter. Some time in April of this year, Sanders reportedly began having sex with the boy. The alleged sexual relationship continued for 5 months. Police believe the sexual encounters took place at Sanders home and inside a portable classroom at Palmetto Middle School where Sanders is the PTO president. Sanders is also a former substitute teacher at West Pelzer Elementary School. Sanders was booked into jail and charged with criminal sexual conduct with a minor.
Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Boss Key Dear Webby I have a really incompetent department boss, who is paranoid that everybody might be goofing around instead of working as much as she probably is. For my work I DO have to look things up, but if she walks by and sees something, that does not look boring, she stops and asks all kinds of dumb questions and just wastes my time. At one time you mentioned a key combo, that quickly hides what you are doing, but I forgot what it is and how to set it up. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie First open your most tedious looking spreadsheet to full screen size. Hit the Print Screen button to print it to memory, then jump to a graphics program and paste it as a new image. CTRL V works for that in standard programs. Save that to a place, that you can find easily. Browse to it with the FILE Explorer. Right-click it, and select: Set as background. OK, now your computer is primed and ready. When Ms Snoop waddles into sight, hold down the Windows key and hit D. All program screens instantly close, showing your desktop, which is a picture of a spreadsheet. Stare at the picture of the spreadsheet with furrowed brow, as if YOU are about to ask stupid questions. When the coast is clear, hit the Windows key and D again, and everything is miraculously restored. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Plastic Lemons as a Vase I emptied this little lemon juice container and thought of using it for my kitchen counter with a few fresh flowers from the yard. I usually have something blooming year round, so a bloom or two brightens my day. Source: On a quest to recycle. By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

"Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a few months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me NINE months to find a priest up here! It would take me damn near as long to find a lawyer!"
» Droplets of paint


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How to make a Hibernate shortcut? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 30

>From Nan
Bob will be doing "The Alex Jones Show" tomorrow, 
Oct 30 at 12 noon Pacific time. He will be speaking about 
Weather Control. Bob testified before the US Senate in 1995 
regarding Weather Control (and other things) ..and they 
mocked him...A few years ago the Congress  initiated a bill
 to control weather manipulation as a weapon 
Who was right??? If you cannot listen at that time ..it will be 
on again on the Alex's website and it usually hits you-tube also!        
http://www.infowars.com/

Nan and Bob have been subscribers for many years.
If you are interested or concerned about weather control
and chem-trails, listen to Bob!

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1270 8th & last crusade is launched
1864 Helena, Montana's capital, founded 
1888 1st ballpoint pen patented 
1905 "October Manifesto" Russian Tsar Nicholas II grants civil liberties
1930 Turkey & Greece sign a treaty of friendship
1938 Orson Welles panics a nation with broadcast of "War of the Worlds" 
1948 20 die & 6,000 made ill by smog in Donora Pennsylvania
1961 Soviet Union tests a 58 megaton hydrogen bomb
1967 USSR Kosmos 186 & 188 make 1st automatic docking
1980 Honduras & El Salvador settle their boundary dispute
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Life is just one damned thing after another. -=- Elbert Hubbard The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question. --- Stephen Jay Gould
A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one man asked, "Can he do normal dog tricks too?" "Let's see" said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up on a chair, placed one paw on the preacher's forehead and began to howl. The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed "Good grief, we've bought a Pentecostal dog!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Thanks to Sexy Sass C for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Vermont Fall
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rose Woolbright, 30, Bowling Green, Kentucky Rose Woolbright - Mother Jailed After Pimping Out Underage Daughter For Cash Reported by The Weekly Vice Rose Marie Woolbright, a 30-year-old Kentucky woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly pimped out her 13-year-old daughter to two men in exchange for money. According to Warren County Prosecutors, Woolbright allegedly allowed two men to engage in sex acts with a 13-year-old girl in exchange for cash. Investigators say the two men, on one occasion, had a threesome with the girl and videotaped the encounter. The case marks the first time an arrest like this has been made in Warren County and is only the 13th such incident in the state of Kentucky. Woolbright was booked into jail and charged with human trafficking, unlawful transaction with a minor and second- degree sodomy. The two men involved in the alleged incidents were also arrested and charged. Chad Simmons, 37, was charged with two counts of sodomy and two counts of first-degree unlawful transaction with a minor. Pedro Diaz, 28, was charged with second-degree rape. The case will now be presented to a grand jury for indictment.
Tech Support Pits From: Jorge Re: How do I make that Hibernate shortcut Dear Webby Thank you for the info about hibernating your computer: "If you want, you can even make a shortcut icon for Hibernation: Target: C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0 Start In: C:\Windows\System32 " So how do I apply that? What are the mechanics? Do I put the code in a text file? Then what? How does one activate a shortcut? Sorry to be so dense on the subject, but I just have never gotten into that before! Thanks! Best personal regards, Jorge Dear Jorge Sorry, I should have been a bit more specific. Right-click on the Desktop NEW Shortcut then into: "Location of the item" paste: C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0 Next Type Hiber or something like that for the icon title Finish If you want, change the icon. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Plastic Lemons as a Vase I emptied this little lemon juice container and thought of using it for my kitchen counter with a few fresh flowers from the yard. I usually have something blooming year round, so a bloom or two brightens my day. Source: On a quest to recycle. By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

From Sheila in Oz "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is a delightful Classic: The Heberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Hebert kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Hebert cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out!" Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for my husband and me." Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But! if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...." Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." (Wife muttering)- "Don't I know it." The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." Wife - "Oh my goodness!" Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." Wife - "She was difficult?" Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement). Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your.....equipment?" Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." Wife - "Tripod?" photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"
» Equine A-plenty


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Sleep or turn off? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 29

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
539 -BC- Babylon falls to Cyrus the Great of Persia
1682 William Penn lands in what will become Pennsylvania
1727 Severe earthquake in New England 
1811 1st Ohio River steamboat leaves Pittsburgh for New Orleans
1929 "Black Tuesday," Stock Market crashes triggers "Great Depression" 
1942 16,000 Jews killed in Pinsk Russia 
1942 Alaska highway completed
1945 1st ball point pen goes on sale, 57 years after it was patented
1988 China announces a herbal male contraceptive 
Today is Labor Day in New Zealand
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. --- Ronald Reagan
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
>From Britta My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. One evening as I prepared for a date, I remarked, "I'm fat." "No, you're not," she scolded. "My hair is awful," I said. "It's lovely," she encouraged. "I've never looked worse," I whined. And she said, "Oh, yes, you have!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Darien Caruso and James Hardy, 19, in Bradenton, Florida Idiots Get Lost While Fleeing Burglary, End Up Back At Crime Scene Reported by The Weekly Vice Darien Caruso and James Hardy, two 19-year-old Bradenton boneheads were jailed Sunday after they allegedly burglared a residence, got lost while fleeing, and unintentionally ended up back at the crime scene. According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, a witness called police after two men were seen burglaring a home and then fleeing the residence with several items. While officers were investigating the scene, the suspects arrived back at the crime scene in the vehicle they used to flee the scene with. When officers stopped the car and searched it, they found several items that belonged to the victims laying in plain view. When police questioned them, they admitted that they had burglared the residence, but had become lost while trying to find a way out of the neighborhood. Caruso and Hardy were booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with armed burglary.
Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Sleep or turn off Hi Webby... maybe you can help me... Usually I just put my computer into sleep mode overnight and for the few hours I'm at work. I recently read something that said because there is still power to the memory and other parts of the computer, putting it to sleep is actually harder on the computer than turning it off and back on because of heat retention. What do YOU think? Thanks for your newsletter, I read it daily and love it! Donna Dear Donna The computer has fans, that take care of the heat, while it is running. If it is completely turned off and unplugged, then of course the fans can't do any cooling. Don't worry about night time heating from the computer. Hibernate is probably the best, unless you expect it to do virus scans and defrags at night. Just plan what you want done on which nights. On those nights leave it running normally, and on nights, when there are no chores, set it to hibernate. It comes out of hibernation faster than from a cold start, and all your programs are the same as they were when you told it to Hibernate. If you want, you can even make a shortcut icon for Hibernation: Target: C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0 Start In: C:\Windows\System32 When you hit that shortcut icon, it goes into hibernation instantly, without asking any silly questions about whether you really, really mean it, deep down inside. It just does as told, and when you hit the power on button the next day, it starts up with each program as it was. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dust Cakes With Powdered Sugar Instead of Frosting When my mother used to have friends over in the evening she wanted to serve a snack (cake and coffee) but most of them were elderly and would turn down the cake because of the frosting. The problem was solved by using a round single layer cake. Buy 8-inch doilies, place a doily on top of the cake, and sprinkled it lightly with confectioner's sugar. Remove the doily and you have a lacy design on the cake without all of the icing. By Clynnaltemus from Inglis, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the behind and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby and four children under the age of five. "I want a divorce," she said. "On what grounds?" he asked. "Desertion, sir," she said. "Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young children. "Well," she confided, "he does come home every Mothers Day to apologize."
» The life of flowers


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