Which version of Corel Office? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 12.

On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.

The huge hoarfrost crystals on top of the snow in the
morning sun sure are pretty. Not a sign for warmer weather
in the near future, though. Time to dig out the long 
underwear.

DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time. --- Willem de Kooning (1904 - 1997) We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC)
I love this classic: A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her other car. Click on the picture for the large version FrankenCar
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Glen Davis, 48, Winter Haven, Floriduh HIV Positive Man Douses Woman With Gasoline, Then Rapes Her Saying "You're Going To Die One Way Or Another." Reported by The Weekly Vice Glen Davis, a 48-year-old HIV positive man, was jailed Saturday after he allegedly doused his girlfriend with gasoline and forced her to have unprotected sex with him as he held a pair of scissors to her throat. According to Winter Haven police, Davis and his girlfriend were arguing Halloween night when Davis locked all of the doors to the house and began setting things on fire. Davis reportedly poured gasoline on a table and a pile of clothes and then set them on fire. Aiming to amp up the terror a bit more, Davis then doused his girlfriend with gasoline and threatened to set her on fire. At some point during the confrontation, Davis allegedly grabbed the victim's young son by the neck and threatened to set him on fire as well. A short time later, Davis forced the victim to have unprotected sex with him. Although the victim begged him to use a condom, he put a pair of scissors to her throat and proceeded to rape her without a condom. "You're going to die, one way or another," Davis told the woman moments before the sexual assault. Davis was arrested two days later after a relative urged her to call police. He was booked into jail and charged with criminal transmission of HIV, battery, false imprisonment, two counts of arson, two counts of aggravated battery and sexual assault. He will get the best medical care until the lawyers finish, which could be a few decades. Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Which version of Corel Office Dear Webby, Forget Skype. The bozos at microslop use big 4:3 monitors and have no sympathy for the poor slobs like you, who have to use wide monitors. Just switch to Google+ Hangout. That has better video and voice quality anyway. My question is which version Corel Office to buy. I need to do a big math project, that is way too complicated for Excel and need to use Quattro in Corel, but don't really want to buy the current version. Thanks Martha Dear Martha Probably any version will work fine. They have not dumbed it down, and I don't think there are any real changes in Quattro. Get whatever version you find on sale at eBay or wherever. I still use version X4, and would not pay to switch to a newer version. It works just fine, and I don't think there were any changes in it over previous versions. You can even set it to act like Excel, open Excel files and even save them as Excel files. Especially in a cooperative environment that makes it a clear winner. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy, Free Cheese Wrapping If you use cheese often, like I do, here is a decent tip! Cut straight through a block of unopened cheese, remove the portion you will use without demolishing package. Keep the wrapper from the piece you used, turn it over and cut a slice in the back side. Now, slip it over the remaining section of cheese. You now have a free wrapping technique, so no need to use up another dish or plastic bag/wrap. It works great for me, without drying out! By Becca from NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 2 hours and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They all got off except for a blind man and his dog. The pilot took advantage of there being no line-up at the toilets and went to the back of the plane, When he saw the blind man, he recognized him previous flights. He approached the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the plane and stretch your legs?" "No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would." A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog. Most passengers changed their flight.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they escape?"

» Most Expensive Crocus in the World: Saffron -

Today, Nov 12, in
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor 
 shower from a ship off the Florida Keys.
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that its named after him.
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent 
 republics.
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the 
 Soviet Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist 
 Party leading to Stalin coming to power.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began 
 between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a 
 major victory.
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" 
 was sunk off the coast of Norway.
1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the 
 Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL.
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier 
 Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders 
 to death.
1953 The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking 
 out home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim of the 
 U.S. District Court in Philadelphia.
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, 
 closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants 
 since 1892.
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports 
 from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage 
 at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4.
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles 
 of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth.
1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late 
 Leonid I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet 
 Communist Party's Central Committee.
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen 
 snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first 
 space salvage.
1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced 
 to life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his 
 brother, John A. Walker Jr.
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy 
 statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to 
 refuse to treat someone solely because that person 
 had AIDS or was HIV-positive.
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the 
 Chrysanthemum Throne.
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission 
 to dock with the Russian space station Mir.
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq 
 for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors.
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 
 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center.
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form 
 Daimler-Chrysler AG.
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after 
 take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 
 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 
 people aboard were killed.
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken 
 Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Northern 
 Alliance at this point was reported to have control over 
 most of the northern areas of Afghanistan.
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment 
 Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of 
 millions of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 
 movie "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, 
 the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil.
2013  smiled


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A way around the Skype font size problem 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 11.
Today is Memorial Day / Veterans Day.
In Canada, that is a statutory holiday and Govt offices
and most companies except stores and restaurants are closed.

A Pittance of Time


On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.



Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent again most of the day sending Thank-You letters,
and don't think I missed anybody. I really do appreciate 
your help!

Thank you very much!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Just in time for Memorial Day / Veterans Day, Alberta has unveiled the new license plates: These are just for Alberta. The rest of Canada will, as usual, have to scramble to catch up. These plates are not restricted to veterans, but intended to raise funds for veteran support programs and to show respect for veterans. The 2005 Poppy plates are still available too. There are over 21,000 of those in use so far. Like these, and UNlike similar plates in other provinces, the Alberta poppy plates are NOT limited to veterans, but available to anybody who wants to show respect for veterans, just like wearing a poppy year round. Those plates too are fund raisers for veteran support progrms.
>From Thea At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his newspaper he replied, "About 10 years." He got hit with the remaining ones. -------------- Cinnamon rolls are easy! I wish I was still allowed to eat them, but with diabetes, they are a No-No! Completely thaw out a loaf of frozen bread dough and let it rise. Roll it out about 1/4" thick on a tea towel or canvas. Smear room temperature warm butter on it. Sprinkle soaked raisins on it Sprinkle lightly toasted sugar and cinnamon mix on it. Make a cut in the dough at about 12" intervals. Use the tea towel to roll up the dough parallel to those cuts. Butter baking pans, cut the rolls into 3/4" thick slices and place them into the pans about 3/4" apart. Place the pansin a warm area and let the rolls rise again. After they have risen and the buns touch each other, put the pans into a 200 Degree C (400 degree F) oven for five minutes or until the rolls have a "skin" and won't fall when you take the pans out. Pour a bit of milk or milk/water mix into the pans, less than 1/4" high. Put them back in and bake until nice and brown. Take the pans out of the oven and let the cinnamon buns cool in the pans. Be careful not to touch them while still warm. They are extremely addictive at that stage!
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs.
Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her car. She calls it Frankencar Click on the picture for the large version FrankenCar
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Jaggers, Ford Lauderdale, Floriduh Jailed for Repeatedly Calling 911 To Report "Drunk People Inside Bar" Reported by The Weekly Vice Mary Jaggers of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida has been jailed after she allegedly called 911 to report that there were drunk people inside the bar she was visiting. According to police, Jaggers called 911 six different times to complain that there were drunk people inside Artie's Sportsman Lounge. Arriving officers spoke with Jaggers, who demanded the arrest of everyone inside the bar. A pat down search, however, revealed that she was in possession of hydrocodone without a prescription. Jaggers was taken into custody and no other arrests were made. At her arraignment hearing on Tuesday, Jagger told the judge that she repeatedly called police to prevent anyone from driving home drunk. "I have a feeling that the mixture between Artie's Bar and the hydrocodone probably led to count two, the calling of 911," said Judge Hurley during the hearing. Jaggers was booked into jail and charged with misuse of 911 and possession of hyrocodone without a prescription. Tech Support Pits From: Elsinore Re: Skype is OK on old CRT Dear Webby, Skype is OK on my old CRT monitor, clssic 4:3 config, and running 1600 x 1200. Yeah, eat your heart out, all you sheeple, who got talked into wide monitors, with the bottom third sawed off! Skype was originally written for 4:3 monitors, and when Microsoft bought it and tried to adapt it to sawed off monitors, they klutzed up. The problem is in the font scaling. Yeah, I know you poor sheeple have to go into Advanced and crank the font zoom to more than 100% to be able to have half decent pix and still read anything. Well, go back in there, crank down the resolution, then crank the font zoom down to 100 or less, set your settings in Skype, then change everything back. If you have more than two dozen icons on your desktop, expect some of them missing and all of them re-arranged. It doesn't help with reading the contact list. Just catch a little girl and chain her to your slick wide monitor, and get to read the contact list for you. That's probably how they do it at Microsoft. Elsinore Dear Elsinore You are a hoot, but absolutely correct. By the way, the Marxist-Stalinist version of Skype is still trying to sneak in with it's "Microsoft will update your Skype whenever it suits us, whether you like it or not." Be careful about that! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beeswax For Zippers To fix a stuck zipper, rub up and down the zipper with bee's wax. I don't know where I got this idea, but it works like a charm! By Virginia B. from Charles City, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Mrs. Jones called the doctor's office and was met with this response by the secretary. "This is Dr. Whitman's office. What would you like to talk about?" Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied sarcastically, "I want to order a hamburger with fries. For Christ's sake, why would I call a doctor if I didn't feel sick? I'm very sick. I need to see the doctor." "Fine," replied the secretary, "I can make an appointment for you. Let me see, ahhhh yes, I have an appointment one week from next Friday." "Great," said Mrs. Jones, "I'll have my mortician drop me off then!"

» To Our Veterans
All who served

Today, Nov 11, in
1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the 
 Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown Harbor 
 near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and equal laws."
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged in 
 Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising.
1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged 
 at the Melbourne jail at age 25.
1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being 
 convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed eight 
 police officers.
1889 Washington became the 42nd state of the United States.
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany 
 signed an armistice. This day became recognized as 
 Veteran's Day in the United States.
1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender 
 of Germany.
1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in 
 Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first 
 electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest and
 H.O. Merriman.
1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at 
 Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding.
1938 Kate Smith first sang Irving Berlin's "God Bless America" 
 on network radio.
1940 The Jeep made its debut.
1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation 
 of France.
1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin 
 and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA.
1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence 
 from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe.
1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. 
 The craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning.
1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to 
 the South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end 
 of direct involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military.
1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence 
 from Portugal.
1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story 
 John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours.
1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat 
 Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class 
 submarine.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial Fund.
1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming 
 the second largest computer company.(After IBM)
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record 
 53.9 million dollars in New York.
1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven 
 bodies buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea 
 Puente was later charged in the deaths of nine people, 
 convicted of three murders and sentenced to life in prison.
1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 
 16 years to help the nation arrange democratic elections.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in 
 a letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after 
 World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others 
 were still living in his country voluntarily.
1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests.
1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history 
 theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was 
 halted later due to local opposition.
1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was 
 dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served 
 in the Vietnam War.
1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at 
 an Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers.
1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled 
 "The Wall That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica 
 of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would tour communities 
 throughout the United States.
1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were laying 
 off 10,000 employees.
1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded 
 skywalk. He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the 
 Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet 
 apart.
1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement 
 with the Palestinians.
2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to 
 fight AIDS in India. 
2013  smiled


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Skype problems 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, November 10.
Monday is Memorial Day / Veterans Day.
In Canada, that is a statutory holiday and Govt offices
and most companies except stores and restaurants will 
be closed. 

On Tuesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.



Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent again most of the day sending Thank-You letters,
and don't think I missed anybody. I know for some
of you even one dollar is a scarifice, and I really
do appreciate that!

So far I am about three quarters of the way to what will 
be needed by Monday.

If you can help, please hit that Donate button!
Thanks!
DearWebby

Congratulations to the few, who were smart and clicked
a $10 donation to Ophelia. She is sliding all donations 
from this weekend to me, but any $10 donation also gets 
them an annual subscription to the full version of her
newsletter, or a year added on, if they already have
a subscription. If you like Ophelia's newsletter, 
Go for it!


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Just in time for Memorial Day / Veterans Day, Alberta has unveiled the new license plates: These are just for Alberta. The rest of Canada will, as usual, have to scramble to catch up. These plates are not restricted to veterans, but intended to raise funds for veteran support programs and to show respect for veterans. The 2005 Poppy plates are still available too. There are over 21,000 of them in use so far.
The other day, I had to make a call to the telephone company. Something was wrong with my bill. I dialed the number listed, and was astonished. I got the strangest recording. It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up and redial."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" asked the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds.'"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Tyler Brandon, 25, Naples, Floriduh Jailed for getting stuck in chimney during burglary Reported by This guy might have stolen Santa's mode of home invasion, but he didn't make off with anything else. The Associated Press reports that Richard Tyler Brandon, 25, is accused of getting stuck in a chimney during a failed attempt to burglarize a Naples, Fla. home on Wednesday. Brandon's alleged accomplice, Derek Grenfell, told Naples police he tried to warn his friend not to go through with the ill-conceived heist. "I said, 'Dude, you're not Santa Claus, what are you doing?'" Grenfell said, according to police. Authorities were able to eventually free Brandon, who was not seriously injured. "It took us 30 minutes of slowly applying pressure on the rope and pulling him out gingerly through that 15- to 18-foot space which obviously seemed like forever," Fire Chief, Steve McInerny told KSHB. Brandon is charged with two counts of burglary and Grenfell is charged with two counts of burglary accessory after the fact. Tech Support Pits From: Susan Re: Major difference between Skype and Facebook Chat Dear Webby, The MAJOR difference between Facebook Chat and Skype is that Favebook Chat is fixed on a facebook page. You HAVE to keep that page open, and you can not continue working while you are waiting for a response. With Skype, you can move the chat window to the side, continue working and when the silly ninny or bozo, that you are chatting with, is responding again, you hear the ting and can jump back to the chat. By the way, I agree about the font size failure of Skype. BOOOOOO!!!! Microslop obviously can't cope with wide monitors. Watch out with the current update! The Marxists have taken over Microslop! The current update has nearly invisible a line about making MSN your home page and Bing your search engine. BOOOOOOO!!!! And then the Microsloppers tell you that future updates will be automatic, whether you want them or not! Do you REALLY want that kinda Marxist-Stalinist shit? Luckily they screwed up the current update, and it does not work. Don't click to update, just in case they have fixed the updater. It will lock you into their Marxist-Stalinist forced update, which is EEEEVIL!!!!! I have a VERY bad feeling about that! Skype was great for thirteen years, but now it is time to look for alternatives. Susan Dear Susan You are probably right about it being time to look for alternatives. I agree 100%, that Marxist-Stalinist forced updates by a company, that can't even fix their fonts, is not a good idea. You can see on the first few panels into the update how badly screwed up they are. Back out and don't do that update! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Doll High Chair for a Plant Stand I had a baby doll high chair that wasn't being used. I put a plant in it, and it makes a good plant stand. It is so cute! By Robyn Fed from Hampton, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Bill and Doug were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best salesman. Bill was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize. He felt his luck was with him and was sure to win. He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down on the floor. "Oh no," said Bill. "Now I am going to have seven years bad luck." "Nonsense," said Doug. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn't have seven years bad luck." "Really?" said Bill, feeling much better knowing that. "Yeah really," said Doug. "His wife killed him for breaking her mirror."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers. My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all alike, right down to the baby. She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added, looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."

» To Our Veterans
Remembrance

Today, Nov 10, in
775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the 
 Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence 
 after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. 
 The Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 
 1798.
1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of 
 dueling.
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found 
 David Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish 
 missionary in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous 
 greeting: "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"
1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of theWhite House
1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan.
1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began 
 when Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his 
 counterpart in Alameda, CA.
1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA.
1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism.
1975 The U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution that 
 equated Zionism with racism. The resolution was repealed 
 in December of 1991.
1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its 
 crew of 29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior.
1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been kidnapped 
 in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused to pay the 
 cab fare.
1982 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was 
 opened to visitors.
1988 The U.S. Department of Energy announced that Texas would 
 be the home of the atom-smashing super-collider. The project 
 was cancelled by a vote of the U.S. Congress in Oct. 1993.
1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of 
 marital sexual assault against his wife who sexually 
 mutilated him. Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of 
 malicious wounding her husband.
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill, 
 which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun 
 purchases.
1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop 
 enforcing the arms embargo against the Bosnian government 
 the following week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed 
 to lifting the ban.
1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the 
 action would end trade sanctions.
1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro-Wiwa 
 along with several other anti-government activists.
1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after 
 a massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The 
 disaster left 24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead.
1996 Dan Marino (Miami Dolphins) became the first quarterback 
 in NFL history to pass for more than 50,000 yards. (Florida)
1997 WorldCom Inc. acquired MCI Communication Corporation. 
 It was the largest merger in U.S. history valued at $37 B.
1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the murder 
 of two CIA employees in 1993.
1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's 
 murder conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English 
 au pair to time served. She had served 279 days in the 
 death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen.
2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's membership. 
2013  smiled


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Facebook Chat versus Skype 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, November 9.


Today I am going to have to ask a favor of you, 
actually beg for a little favor. I REALLY need your help
to keep the servers from being shut down on Moday.

Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent all day sending Thank-You letters,
and am about half way to what will be needed by Monday.
It is 01:45 now and I finally get to the Humor Letter.

One subscriber had difficulty with the Canadian Dollar/
US dollar PayPal button, so I made a separate one for
just US dollars at http://webby.com/humor

Here is a funny one for you.
When I was making the new button, I checked the page to 
see how it looked. Well, I thought I did. However, because
my eyes were a bit blurry from the hectic writing, I did 
not notice that the browser's autocomplete had sent me to 
the Blog, the archive.

Naturally, nothing changed at the blog, just on the main
Humor Letter site. So I was frantically editing and pulling 
on my hair, and could not figure out why my changes did
not show.

After a few minutes I caught on. DUH!
Yes, the changes do show OK, as you can see just below here. 

Again, Thank you very much to all who have sent a donation!
If you have been too busy on Friday, try the new buttons!
Please!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!


"A wise man changes his mind, a fool never." --- Socratex "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." --- Andy Warhol
>From Okie One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in Southern England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from Stoney Beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Brinkman, 32, Clayton, Mo Jailed After Posting Ad On Craigslist Seeking Someone To Rape His Minor Daughter While He Watched Reported by The Weekly Vice nthony Brinkman, a 32-year-old Missouri man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly posted an ad on Craigslist seeking an individual who would be willing to rape his daughter while he watched. According to St. Louis Police, an investigation was launched Wednesday after Brinkman posted an ad on Craigslist seeking an individual who would be willing to have sex with his 11-year-old daughter while he watched. Someone who saw the ad clicked the "report abuse" feature on the site, and the report was forwarded to the Missouri Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. Investigators say a female undercover officer posing as a 27-year-old woman responded to Brinkman's ad and discussed his request. Brinkman reportedly told the officer that he was looking for someone who would engage in sex with his daughter using various sex toys. As the conversation continued, Brinkman told the officer that he wanted her to be his girlfriend and planned to participate in the assault. Brinkman agreed to meet the undercover officer at a nearby Cracker Barrel restaurant. If all went well, Brinkman planned to bring the officer to his home where the assault was to take place. When Brinkman showed up at the restaurant, officers were surprised to see that he brought the little girl with him. After Brinkman's arrest, his daughter was released into the custody of other relatives. A search warrant was then served at Brinkman's apartment in Cuba, Missouri. Investigators are awaiting the results of a forensic examination of his computer. He was booked into jail and charged with attempted statutory sodomy. He remains held in lieu of $100,000 bond. The case remains an open investigation and additional charges are expected. Tech Support Pits From: Tina Re: Difference between Facebook Chat and Skype Dear Webby, What is the difference between Facebook Chat and Skype? Tina Dear Tina FaceBook Chat is 1980's style BASIC chat, like we used to make with BASICA or GWBASIC. Rude, crude, but it works. No frills, no settings, and about as secure as an ad in your local paper. However, FaceBook Chat is Windows compliant and font sizes change when you change the page zoom with CTRL + Scrollwheel (or CTR: + /-) As I said, NO frills. In the 1980s we didn't trasnfer files on chat. At 3.6 or 7.2 Kbps that was not a good idea. In those days files were sent by email or FTP. That is FaceBook Chat. Now for Skype: Skype is NO longer Windows compliant. After Microsoft bought it for $8 Billion, to make sure Google did not get it, they screwed it up. You can change the font sizes of the Chat window, but not for system messages (like "XYZ wants you to add her to your contact list"), or the contact list, or the Tools, Options menu tree. The fonts in all that are LOCKED at 1 Millimeter, if you use resonably high resolution on a wide monitor. Little girls can read that without straining, but that is way too small for seniors. Microsoft IS aware of their screw-up. Lots of people, and even I myself, have told them, repeatedly. "Just use a magnifying glass or the magnifyer built into W8." Well, you can imagine where I told them to stuff that. Once you have gotten some cute little girl to get your settings and preferences the way you want them, Skype is OK! Not as good as before Microsoft screwed it up, but still quite OK. The biggest problem with Skype is that System messages like "XYZ wants you to add her to your contact list" are unreadable for grown-ups, unless they know where to expect them to pop up, and have a magnifying glass handy. That is a real Security Threat. Microsoft doesn't care. So, be careful when you hear the system sound and see something pop. Grab a magnifyer to see if you want to add that person or not. If it is some Nigerian, be careful. Skype has excellent file transfer facilities. Just drag a file into the chat window, or paste a picture. Transfer is very fast, since Skype kinda borrows the broadband connections in the area. If your ISP has problems, that is OK, you still get through with Skype and can still send and receive files. Skype has a big selection of emoticons. History is saved by default, and going back ten years is no problem. You CAN dump the history, though. I usually trim it to about 5 years. Voice and video chat among Skype users is free. You can call landlines and cell phones for about 2 cents per minute. Used to be one cent, before Microsoft bought it, but even 2 cents is still a good deal. As mentioned, they did not screw up the fonts in the chat window. That is still adjustable, like i has been for 14 years. Let's hope Microsoft does not find that! As long as you can cope with the screwed up font sizes for system messages and settings, Skype is great. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hanging Craft Projects This tip helps you get craft projects out of the way while you are not working on them. Put all the patterns and other supplies for a craft craft project in a plastic grocery bag with handles. Then slip each handle of the grocery bag over a clothes hanger and hang it a closet. You can cross the handles so the bag won't slip off the hanger. If the handles still have a tendency to slip, secure them with clothespins. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The steward for the Government Road Construction Workers Union called the meeting to order. "Men -- we've agreed on a new deal with the state. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!" "HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered. "We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared. "We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered. "And now, even though 99% of the roads in the country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!" Silence. A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: When my wife finds out I sold it all, she will kill me!"
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

» Gingerbread Houses

Today, Nov 9, in
1872 - A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA.
1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to 
 see the progress on the new canal.
1911 - George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent 
 on neon advertising signs.
1918 - Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would abdicate. 
 He then fled to the Netherlands.
1923 - In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German 
 troops that were loyal to the democratic government. The event 
 began the evening before when Adolf Hitler took control of a 
 beer hall full of Bavarian government leaders at gunpoint.
1935 - United Mine Workers president John L. Lewis and other 
 labor leaders formed the Committee for Industrial Organization.
1938 - Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500 
 Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews, 
 and rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that 
 became known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass."
1961 - Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a 
 world record speed of 4,093 mph.
1963 - In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust 
 explosion.
1963 - In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash.
1965 - The great Northeast blackout occurred as several 
 states and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power 
 failures lasting up to 13 1/2 hours.
1976 - The U.N. General Assembly approved ten resolutions 
 condemning the apartheid government in South Africa.
1981 - U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week 
 Rapid Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman 
 were also involved in the operation.
1981 - The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion 
 loan to India. It was the highest loan to date.
1984 - A bronze statue titled "Three Servicemen," by 
 Frederick Hart, was unveiled at the site of the Vietnam 
 Veterans Memorial in Washington, DC.
1989 - Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing 
 its citizens to travel freely to West Germany.
1990 - Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a 
 non-aggression treaty with Germany.
2004 - U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened 
 Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House to pedestrians.
2013  smiled


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How do you chnge folder icons? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 8.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today I am going to have to ask a favor of you, 
actually beg for a little favor.

I have been focusing on my work, which includes writing your
Humor Letter, and thought that the server bills were getting 
paid by my book keeper. Today I got a letter that stated, 
if I don't pay the outstanding $2500 by Monday, 
the servers will be turned off.
And, as usual, I am flat broke.

If you can send me a dollar with the PayPal Donate button,
and if enough of you can do that, we will stay online.

I know, some of you don't like PayPal and would rather mail
some pumpkin tarts or Gingerbread cookies, but I also know,
that a few of you might be able to afford two or three 
dollars. Please donate what you can to help me to be able 
to keep working!

Thank you very much!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It is more rewarding to watch money change the world than watch it accumulate." --- Gloria Steinem
>From Hank a great Classic: There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we start wearing rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized t-shirt and sunglasses. The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing all the way out here dressed like that!?" "I'm going swimming," the tourist explained. "But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab informed him. "Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paula Howard, 50, Kissimmee, Floriduh Jailed After Prostituting Three Young Daughters For $20 Reported by The Weekly Vice Paula Howard, a 50-year-old Florida Woman, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly offered to sell her three daughter's for sex. According to the Osceola County Sheriff's Office, Howard was arrested when she flagged down an undercover officer and then offered him her three daughters for sex in exchange for cash. Investigators say an undercover officer was posing as a "John" during a sting operation after the Sheriff's Office received complaints from other prostitutes about a woman, who was prostituting her minor daughters in the area. The undercover officer was standing in front of a bus stop at around 2:30 p.m. when Howard flagged him down and then motioned her daughters over to where he was standing. The three daughters, ages 16, 17, and 18, approached the officer and offered him his choice of the three girls for sex. One of the girls agreed to have sex with the officer for $20, according to the arrest affidavit. Howard was booked into jail and charged with child abuse, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, deriving support from proceeds of prostitution and other related charges. She remains held in lieu of $36,000 bond. The girls were taken into protective custody. Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Change folder icons Dear Webby, At home I can easily change the icons for folders, but on my work machine I can't. Do you know a way around that? Amanda Dear Amanda You may need to install TweakUI or XP Powertoys from Microsoft. Another way around that is to drag the folder where it belongs, i.e. anywhere except the desktop, and make a desktop shortcut to it. Even with a barebones Windows XP or 98 you can change the icons for shortcuts. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Bathtub with Krud Kutter We have a very large fiberglass shower unit that had the ugliest dark stain of unknown origin (probably not been cleaned in long time) on the bottom part. I had tried everything I could mix or muster up to use. Then one day I read on here about the Krud Kutter for wallpaper removal (BTW great for that zipped 4 layers in no time). I used the Krud Kutter full strength and a plastic scrubbie. Every bit of it came out, without much "elbow grease". Krud Kutter is well worth the price for a gallon. It cleans everything and is biodegradable with no obnoxious fumes either! Source: ThriftyFun of course! By Barby B. from Tennessee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My friend's preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind her, "My children are in their 20s, and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?" "I'm not sure I'm the one to ask," the man said while glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand, "I'm here to deposit a check from my mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A famous classic, The Hawaii Bridge A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish." The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So...I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii." "I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved...think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask." "Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," the guy replies. "I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with them...you know, what makes them tick?" The genie thinks a second, and then answers, "Would that bridge be two lanes or four?"
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

» Freshwater Scaley Things

Today, Nov 8, in
1656 Edmond Halley was born. Halley, an astronomer-mathmatician, 
 was the first to calculate the orbit that was named after him. 
 The comet makes an appearance every 76 years. Wow! 1656 !
1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The 
 expedition was lead by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis. 
 The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of 
 exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory.
1887 Doc Holliday died at the age of 35. The gun fighting 
 dentist died from tuberculosis in a sanitarium in 
 Glenwood Springs, CO.
1889 Montana became the 41st U.S. state.
1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity 
 discovered the scientific principle involved with high
 frequency and took the first X-ray pictures.
1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator.
1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power 
 in Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be 
 known as the "Beer-Hall Putsch."
1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive 
 order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The 
 organization was designed to create jobs for more than 
 4 million unemployed people in the U.S.
1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria.
1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S. 
 and British forces landed in French North Africa.
1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle 
 took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot 
 down a North Korean MiG-15.
1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company 
 decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry 
 Ford's only son.
1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California.
1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in 
 California announced that they had discovered a 15th moon 
 orbiting the planet Saturn.
1981 Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek asserted that Egypt 
 was "an African State" that was "neither East nor West".
1986 Vyacheslav M. Molotov died at age 96. During World War II, 
 Molotov ordered the mass production of bottles filled with 
 flammable liquid later called the "Molotov cocktail."
1987 A bomb planted by the Irish Republican Army exploded 
 in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland, at a ceremony honoring 
 Britain's war dead. Eleven people were killed.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop 
 deployments in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000 
 soldiers to the multi-national force fighting against Iraq.
1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic 
 sanctions on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan 
 civil war.
1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist 
 violence.
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make way 
 for the Three Gorges Dam.
2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the winner 
 of the 2000 U.S. presidential election.
2000 Waco special counsel John C. Danforth released his final 
 report that absolved the government of wrongdoing in the 1993 
 seige of the Branch Davidian compound in Texas. 
2013  smiled


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Crypto-Locker virus 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 7
Next eye injections will be Nov 13, six days from now.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him." --- Napoleon Bonaparte The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

The company my brother worked for had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, he knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the phone rang, he would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline. I'm sorry, but you've dialed the wrong number." The caller would often reply with something like, "But I didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong.... Oh!" (Click.)
Red sky in the morning over my back yard (East) a few days ago. Quite predictably, it brought snow. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rochelle Lynn Sapp, 33, Charged With Smashing Little Girl's Skull Over Coat, Girl Dies Two Days Later Reported by The Weekly Vice Rochelle Lynn Sapp, a 33-year-old Iowa woman, faces an upgrade in charges after the little girl she put into the hospital died from her injuries. According to police, an investigation was launched late last month after 3-year-old Autumn Elgersma arrived at Sioux Falls Childrens Hospital with a fractured skull and brain swelling. Sapp, who was watching the little girl at her in-home daycare, called the girl's mother at work and told her that her daughter had fallen down a flight of stairs and injured her head. Doctors examining the girl determined that her injuries were not consistent with Sapp's story. During a second round of questioning, Sapp reportedly admitted to injuring the girl by throwing her to the ground when she refused to take off her coat. Sapp was booked into jail and charged with willful injury to a child and child endangerment resulting in serious injury. Autumn Elgersma died from her injuries two days later. Since the abuse has now resulted in the child's death, prosecutors will re-examine the case and likely file new charges. Tech Support Pits From: US CERT Re: Crypto-Locker Ransom Ware Dear Webby, The National Cyber Awareness System made an announcement about the new CryptoLocker Ransomware Infections. CryptoLocker is a new variant of ransomware that restricts access to infected computers and demands the victim provide a payment to the attackers in order to decrypt and recover their files. As of this time, the primary means of infection appears to be phishing emails containing malicious attachments. While victims are told they have three days to pay the attacker through a third-party payment method (MoneyPak, Bitcoin), some victims have claimed online that they paid the attackers and did not receive the promised decryption key. US-CERT and DHS encourage users and administrators experiencing a ransomware infection NOT to respond to extortion attempts by attempting payment and instead to report the incident to the FBI at the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). Do not follow unsolicited web links in email messages or submit any information to webpages in links Use caution when opening email attachments. If your computer IS infected with CryptoLocker, it is going to get expensive, or tedious. Most likely you will have to format and re-install. If you notice the infection, immediately disconnect from external drives and networks, yes, cloud storage too. They might not be infected yet. Run a full scan with a reputable anti-virus program like McAfee. NO, not the free stuff that allowed this infection to happen! If too many system files have already been encrypted, a scan can only detect that, but can't reverse that. Try to do a system restore to a week or more in the past. It might not let you do that, but it's worth a try. If you can't, print out all registration keys and program download URLs, passwords and anything you will need after re-installing Windows. Find your Windows CD or contact your computer vendor about it. On some machines a restore copy is in a hidden partition, that MIGHT still be usable after the attackers lock up the machine. You will probably need help from the computer vendor to do that. Print out the contact info for them. It would not hurt at all to prepare all that info, even if your machine is not infected. If you are prepard, then most likely nothing bad will happen. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar and Baking Soda for Clogged Disposal My garbage disposal got clogged after I drained cooked rice into it. I tried to use a plunger to clear the clog but it did not work. While browsing Google for an answer, I came across ThriftyFun and the advice to use vinegar, baking soda with hot water. It worked like a miracle. In less than 5 minutes, it was cleared with plunging 2-3x. Thanks a lot. By acmg1992 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A friend, working in a gas station, was doing some minor repairs on a ladies vehicle. Before the car was removed from the rack, she asked him to rotate all the wheels so that the valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onto the work sheet that she had to take up to the front.
An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out fifty years of chocolate cake."

» Knock on wood!

Today, Nov 7, in
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader 
 in the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony for heresy.
1665 "The London Gazette" was first published.
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated by 
 William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or (Tippecanoe).
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy 
 was shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while 
 trying to protect his printing shop from a third destruction.
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized 
 as an elephant in a cartoon by T. Nast in Harper's Weekly.
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by 
 Albert H. Hook.
1893 The state of Colorado granted women the right to vote.
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first 
 transcontinental railway in the mountains of BC.
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The 
 provisional government of Alexander Kerensky was 
 overthrown by forces led by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.
1932 "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" was broadcast for 
 the first time on CBS Radio.
1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from 
 Pennsylvanian "Blue Laws."
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in 
 Washington state collapsed during a windstorm. The 
 suspension bridge had opened to traffic on July 1, 1940.
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 person to win a fourth term as president.
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television ads.
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, 
 OH, becoming the first black mayor of a major city.
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that 
 college students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would 
 lose their draft deferments.
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of 
 the War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power 
 to wage war without congressional approval.
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of 
 Justice. The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, 
 including 11 Supreme Court Justices. The Palace had been 
 seized by leftist guerrillas belonging to the April 19 
 Movement.
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. 
 He had been president since the country's independence 
 in 1956.
1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde.
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia, 
 becoming the first elected African-American state governor 
 in U.S. history.
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's 
 first African-American mayor.
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow 
 on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution.
1991 Actor Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, pled no 
 contest to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been 
 arrested in Sarasota, FL, for exposing himself in a theater.
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men 
 admitted to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl.
1999 Tiger Woods became the first golfer since Ben Hogan 
 in 1953 to win four straight tournaments.
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first 
 president's wife to win public office. The state of 
 New York elected her to the U.S. Senate. (New York)
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched.
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying 
 commercially. Briefly.
2013  smiled


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Why use multipliers on data? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 6
My eye injections have been postponed. I'll tell you
once I find out the new date.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.' --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) Mohammed Elbiary, an advisor to Obama and to the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and on record as an admirer of the late Ayatollah Khomenei, who ordered the hostage taking in Teheran, wrote this week that the US Constitution is sharia-compliant and won't need to be completely scrapped. Now doesn't that make your day?
Speaking of @#$%^&, I saw this on the front page of Metro UK: Details of the perverts were automatically sent to police in the areas, where the perverts live. Credit card info too, of course. I hope the Sweetie robot first maxed out their credit cards, so that they could not tangle with other kids! Imagine them trying to get a refund, and told to go to the police :D Click on the picture for the large version Picture of Sweetie, the pervert catching robot.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

>From Ed The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water.
Thanks to Noella for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Here is a pic I took a week or so ago from inside my screened in front porch during a rain. I love the ethereal quality. Noella
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Asher Vongtau, 19, NY, NY Stuck NYU student Asher Vongtau was drinking and fell into crevice between buildings, he tells cops Reported by NY Daily News The NYU student who was rescued Sunday night after being trapped for 36 hours in a space between two Lower Manhattan buildings told cops he was drinking at a party and later slipped and fell into the gap, police sources said. Asher Vongtau, 19, wound up wedged between a NYU dormitory at 80 Lafayette St. and a next-door garage. He suffered broken ribs and a fractured skull, police sources said. Police said they believe Vongtau walked through a service exit that’s only accessible through the first floor of the dorm at 80 Lafayette St. He then walked up a metal staircase to the second-floor level, then hopped a railing and stepped onto a landing for the adjacent building. He fell off that landing. Asher Vongtau, 19, was found about 5 p.m. wedged at the bottom of the narrow shaft between the NYU dormitory at 80 Lafayette St. and a parking garage, fire officials said. His family had been frantic. “My son is the most responsible kid in the world,” Vongtau’s distraught mother, Habiba Vongtau, told the Daily News Sunday night as she traveled by Greyhound from her Pittsburgh home. Somebody will have to tell Habiba that "the most responsible kid in the world” may have to cut down on the drinking, or she will be billed for rescues and damages. Rescue workers saved Vongtau by breaking through a cinderblock wall. Tech Support Pits From: Norma Re: Why use multipliers on data? Dear Webby, Why would somebody use a multiplier on data and cheat and manipulate them like Al Gore? I find that highly unethical and to even tell people, how to do that! Norma Dear Norma Simmer down! Using a consistent multiplier for a range of data does not manipulate them. That trick is used to make them visible. The main thing is to use a consistent multiplier throughout. Let me give you an example. On my Sugar & Weight chart, the sugar values are between 6 and 15. My weight is between 188 and 198 Now, quite obviously the sugar and the weight values can't be used as is. If the sugar values are, for example, between 6 and 15 cm (2.4 inch - 6 inch), then using the same scale, the weight would be 188 cm - 198 cm (74 inch - 77 inch) Obviously, that would look silly. So I use a formula that subtracts 180 from the weight and uses the left over 8 to 18 for the graph. Since I do that for EVERY day of the year, the graph is quite true. It shows the daily variations in my weight. I use the weight as a background AREA style, and superimpose the morning, noon, evening and night sugar values as bar graphs. If you are not familiar with graphs, that looks like a city with highrise buildings in four colors, in front of a background of mountains. The mountains are my weight. I use a graduated color for them, green at the bottom turning to red the higher they are. If my weight gets into the red, I have to fast. When used honestly, not to try and proove a wacky concept and make you feel guilty, graphs can be very helpful. Graphs have been around for a long time, and to be honest, I liked them more BEFORE they were dumbed down for Windows. In good old DOS graphs had a text file with all the ranges and settings, and there was no mushy mousing around. They ar easy to get used to and fun, once you get started with them. Here you see a clip from my Sugar & Weight graph. The doctor had told me to stop the Furosemide. So I did at the end of October. You see what happened to my weight! And you see what happend on Nov 4, when I started taking that again. You can't beat graphs for visualizing changes and to alert you to them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Place Line Dried Clothes In The Dryer To Soften Up To save on utilities and clothes softener, I line dry many clothes in the house then put them in the dryer on air fluff. It's amazing how soft they become. By Maria Elena from Gwynedd Valley, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, "I guess you'd be eating alone. I can't swim THAT far! 45 degrees West is in the middle of th Atlantic."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Betty-Sue passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"
A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer turned on the noisy whoop-whoops and flashing lights and pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!"

» Blast from the past

Today, Nov 6, in
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth 
 president of the United States.
1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of 
 the Confederacy in the U.S.
1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of 
 Indian miners in South Africa.
1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of 
 Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres.
1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver.
1935 Edwin H. Armstrong announced his development of 
 FM broadcasting.
1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll 
 in the Pacific Ocean.
1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that 
 condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies.
1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow 
 250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971.
1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, 
 a mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that 
 march into the nation of Western Sahara.
1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst, 
 sending a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa 
 Falls Bible College in Georgia.
1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over 
 northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents
 to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban 
 resisters to the U.S-led invasion.
1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19 
 Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota.
1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced in
 Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to being 
 the head of a family spy ring.
1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by 
 the Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. 
 had been secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to 
 secure the release of seven American hostages.
1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, 
 the U.S. announced that it would unfreeze $567 million 
 in Iranian assets that had been held since 1979.
1991 Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil 
 fires ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War.
1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop 
 Britain's queen as their head of state.
2001 Ten people were executed in Beijing, China. The state 
 newspaper of China said that all of the people executed 
 were robbers and killers aged 20-23.
2013  smiled


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How do you use a fixed multiplier in a spreadsheet? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 5.

My Eye injections have been postponed for some 
other day. I will tell you the exat date, when I find out.


For the past 60 years, conventional medical authorities 
have warned that saturated animal fats cause heart disease 
and should be severely restricted in a heart-healthy diet. 

Well, when I had a major heart attack, I stopped believing
their BS. After all, the 100+ year old dudes in Nepal are 
taking a spoon full of butter and a chunk of rock salt with 
each cup of tea, and they drink lots of tea.

Yes, you got it, the eggspurts also get right hysterical 
about salt. When I was in the hospital, they didn't allow
me to have ANY salt. 
As soon as I got back home, I started using salt, and soon 
started to heal and and so I promptly increased my use of 
butter and salt.

Now the medical big-shots are starting to admit, that the
Animal Fat Scare is totally bogus.

I would not be surprised if the vegetarians, who cobbled 
together that theory, died in their fourties or fifties.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you build bridges you can keep crossing them. --- Rick Pitino You're supposed to trust friends. You have no reason to be his friend? That is part of the pleasure of friendship: trusting without absolute evidence and then being rewarded for that trust. --- David Shore
A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk when a co-worker comes up. "Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks. "Sorry," the man says, "I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor tells me I can't play." "Oh," says the co-worker, "he's been out with you, too?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

The bank manager noticed the new clerk wasn't good at counting money or adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied.
Click on the picture for the large version Creationists are getting right noisy about this hammer, that they claim was in Cretaceous rock, in London, Texas
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Lucus, 46, Ocala, Floriduh Jailed After Molesting Friend's 6-year-Old Son Inside Gas Station Restroom Reported by The Weekly Vice Michelle Lucus, a 46-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly molested a friend's 6 year old son inside a gas station restroom. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, a trip to the local gas station became a living nightmare for a 6-year-old boy when she reportedly pulled him into the gas station's restroom and performed a sex act on him. During a forensic interview, the child stated that he and Lucus had walked to a nearby Chevron gas station to pick up a few things for the family when the incident occurred. Once Lucus and the boy entered the store, Lucus allegedly invited the boy into a bathroom with her. When the boy refused, Lucus grabbed him by the arm and forced him into the bathroom. Once inside, Lucus allegedly locked the door, pulled down the boy's pants and proceeded to perform oral sex on him. Lucus and the boy then left the gas station and walked to a friend's home for a few minutes. After leaving the friend's home, Lucus allegedly walked the boy back to the gas station and attempted to get him to go back into the restroom. When the boy refused, Lucus became angry, purchased and order of chicken wings and then returned the boy to his home. The boy later told his father about the incident, who reported it to police. During questioning, Lucus admitted to entering the restroom with the boy but claimed that she couldn't remember what happened next. She was booked into the Marion County Jail and charged with sexual battery on a child under the age of 12 and false imprisonment of a child under the age of 13. Tech Support Pits From: Hanna Re: Fixed multiplier in a spreadsheet Dear Webby, I know there is a way to do it, but can't find out how. I need to use a formula to pad values for a graph, so that the lines are "in the same ballpark" and not right off the page. I don't want the multiplier (.4) on each row, but just at one central location, so that I can easily update it. Yeah, I know, you shoed us once before, many years ago. Thanks Hanna Dear Hanna Usually the Cell A1 is free, since the headers start at B1. Put 0.4 into cell A1, or any other free and convenient cell. Then in the cell D2, or where you want the padded result of whatever you got in C2, put: in Quattro +C2*$A$1 or in Excel =C2*$A$1 The $A nails the source to THAT particular column, and the $1 nails it to THAT particular row, instead of adjusting it as you copy that formula down the page. For those of you new to spreadsheets, if you copy a formula from, for example cell D2 to all the cells below it down to D200, it adjusts. The C2, the data source, becomes C3 in the next line, then C4, all the way to C100. Since you want the formula to NOT use the dates, that you have in the A column, but just look at what you got in A1, or Z1, or wherever you got the multiplier, you nail that part of the formula down with the $. You can, if you want, nail just the column or just the row. Whichever one is nailed with the $, will always be looked up in THAT spot. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Microwave Bananas To Eliminate Fruit Flies To eliminate getting fruit flies from bananas try this tip. When you bring home bunches of bananas, put the bunch in the microwave for 10 seconds. I have used this method for years and it has been wonderful in eliminating fruit flies in my kitchen. By FrugalCA from CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the matronly customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is one of my all time favorites, that just came back to me: "Information? I need the number of Causeway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. U as in up. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
>From Baba Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 07:41:23 am, e.s.t. God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault. God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me! Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY right. God help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing. God give me patience, and I mean right NOW! Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?) God, help me to finish everything I sta God, help me to keep my mind on one th -- Look, a bird -- ing at a time. God help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing? Lord keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be. Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way. Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes. Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

» Wild Horses

Today, Nov 5, in
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed 
 when he was captured before he could blow up the English 
 Parliament. Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th 
 in Britain to celebrate his failure to blow up all the 
 members of Parliament and King James I.
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful 
 cataract operation at the Zoological Garden.
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for 
 an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four 
 years later.
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli.
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented 
 third term in office.
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of 
 Representatives at the age of 29.
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during 
 the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later.
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement 
 at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. 
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale 
 of weapons to Iran.
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong 
 evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child 
 (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight 
 champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th 
 round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed 
 up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town.
1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by 
 delegates from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany.
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer 
 Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint 
 venture specializing in airline services.
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people and wounded 30 others. 
2013  smiled


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Sorting address lists with addresses, names and comments 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 4.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated. --- Jeph Jacques, Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." --- Ronald Reagan "The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so." --- Ronald Reagan
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

This year's Halloween the University tracked Trick-or-Treaters according to their star signs and found the following: Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael James, Pascal, 45 Off Duty pilot Jailed for groping 14 year old girl passenger Reported by The Smoking Gun An off-duty pilot traveling on a Delta Air Lines flight Saturday allegedly groped the buttocks of a sleeping 14-year-old girl who was seated next to him and flying as an unaccompanied minor, The Smoking Gun has learned. Michael James Pascal, 45, was named yesterday in a felony complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Salt Lake City, Utah. Pascal, who works as a Delta Connection pilot, was charged with abusive sexual contact on an aircraft. According to FBI Agent Cameron Smilie, Pascal and the teenage victim were traveling on Delta Flight #855, which departed Detroit at 5:45 PM Saturday and arrived in Salt Lake City about three hours later. The girl, who was on crutches due to an injured foot, boarded the flight early, and was seated next to the window in row 44. Pictured above, Pascal, a “non-revenue ticketed passenger,” sat in the row’s middle seat. As detailed in the complaint, the girl (who is only identified by her initials, “R.S.”) told investigators that after having a short conversation with Pascal about her injury, “I made sure I had the armrest down because I usually feel uncomfortable when people get to close to me.” The teenager said she later fell asleep in a seated position “with her legs pulled close to her chest and her feet on her seat.” When she awoke, the girl recalled, she noticed Pascal’s hand “under the left cheek of her buttocks.” The hand, she noted, was “far enough under her buttocks that his fingers were touching her inner thigh.” Agent Smilie reported that the girl described feeling Pascal’s hand as “being palm up and feeling him gripping her buttocks but not moving.” The armrest between her and Pascal “was in the upright position” and some of Pascal’s body weight was on her. Pascal’s eyes were open and he “was clearly awake,” the teenager told investigators. The girl said that she elbowed Pascal in the right arm and yelled, “What the hell are you doing?” After being struck by the teenager, Pascal “quickly pulled his hand out from under R.S.,” Smilie noted. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I was asleep, I have to use the bathroom,” Pascal told the girl, according to the criminal complaint. After pressing the call button to summon a flight attendant, the girl left her seat and contacted a member of the flight crew (who moved the child to the plane’s last row). After the plane landed in Utah, Pascal was interviewed by law enforcement officials. He claimed to have fallen asleep with his hands in his lap, but did not recall “where his hands were when he was awoken” by the girl’s thrown elbow and her “What the hell are you doing?” demand. Pascal said that it “may be possible for his hand to have fallen in the minor’s seat while he was asleep.” When asked why he raised the armrest between him and the girl, Pascal explained that the male passenger in the aisle seat “was taking some of the space.” He added that the girl “was smaller and was not taking as much room in her seat.” In custody since his arrest, Pascal appeared this afternoon in federal court, where a magistrate scheduled a detention hearing for Friday afternoon. Tech Support Pits From: Ariane Re: Sort addresses alphabetically Dear Webby, I have a fairy large list of addresses, but they are all in the order, that I added them. That makes it almost impossible to find any certain address before my eyes go funny. How can I sort them alphabetically? Oh, by the way, I have each address on a line, and on the same line, after a comma, the name, and after another comma, some comment. Ariane Dear Ariane Paste your addresses into a plain text file, and import that into a spreadsheet, like for example Excel. You can get Excel 2000 at eBay or Amazon for very little, and the 2000 version is favored by most people over the newer versions anyway. Excel will help you import that text file and split it into columns, where the commas had separated your data. That is called CSV (Comma Separated Values). Now put the cursor into the left top, hold down SHIFT, click onto the right bottom of the data to select all the data, all columns. Click on Data, Sort The default will be the leftmost column, but you can choose the second column, where you have the names. Click OK and it is done. As a fringe benefit, you can put the cursor onto the top email address, hit F2, and Enter. It becomes clickable, and call your email program, with that address already filled into the TO line. I am not sure if all email programs do that, but Eudora has been doing that since at least 1993. Just run down the list with one finger on the F2 and one on the ENTER, and all your addresses become clickable. You can re-sort your data. Select ALL Columns, not just the first one, Data, Sort, select sort criteria, and OK. In the 80's on the good ol 8088 computers, you could actually watch it sort, and a long list somtimes took 5 - 6 seconds. Nowadays it will sort any length of list instantly. Save your nicely sorted list under a new name occasionally, for example list-Nov2013.xls If you sort the list by selecting just one column, and can't revert with CTRL Z, or closing without saving, then the list is pretty well trashed. Then it is nice to be able to get your safety copy. They don't take much space. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Inexpensive Shampoo to Clean Bathtub Rings I have found that using an inexpensive shampoo when cleaning rings from the bathtub, that the rings and soap scum will come right off. Source: I learned this from ThriftyFun. By Jane from Smackover, AR In the 70's there was a Cheech and Chong record, in which the parents got so annoyed by their kids, that they moved, while the kids were in school. "...an dey took EVERYting but de ring around de tub!" I buy dish soap by the Gallon at Costco and fill regular dispensors from it. One quick squirt while the tub is filling not only prevents a "ring around de tub", but provides a very cheap bubble bath, that keeps the water insulated and hot longer. Actually, I am using an additional trick for that. Instead of a duct for the hot air to a register just past the tub, I am using the space between tub and floor as a duct. The tub metal is always very nice and warm, except in summer, when the heat is turned off. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A hunting guide got himself into an embarassing fix. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you were the best guide in Montana!" they asserted. "I am," he said, "but I think we're in Alberta now."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row. So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down. When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too. Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down. After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish." The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't. It's that obvious?" "Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."
Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the engineers. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for! P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF often inoperative in OFF mode. P: Pilot's seat does not recline. S: Reklinsch to schnoozing persition OK affer removing fergotten blottle of rum. P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with words. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

» LOL Cats

Today, Nov 4, in
1846 The patent for the artificial leg is granted to 
 Benjamin Palmer.
1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register.
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the 
 lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen.
1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality 
 stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy 
 allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents.
1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first air-
 conditioned car was put on display.
1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to supress the 
 uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956.
1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to exceed 
 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph.
1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and 
 took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants, 
 mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah 
 back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later released, 
 but 52 were held for the next 14 months.
1985 Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was 
 returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had 
 been kidnapped by the CIA.
1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of 
 East Berlin in a pro-democracy rally.
1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight 
 a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait.
1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, 
 was assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after 
 attending a peace rally.
1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against 
 the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The 
 sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused 
 to turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with 
 masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies 
 in Kenya and Tanzania.
2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and 
 thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture 
 of sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba 
 received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S. 
 in nearly 40 years.
2013  smiled


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File list into spreadsheet, alphabetically 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, November 3.

Next Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

If you have not turned back your clocks yet, today is the
day to turn all your clocks back an hour. Europe went onto
Winter Time a couple of weeks ago, but Bush gave us a couple 
of weeks more of summer time. As far as i am concerned,
I would be happy with summer time all year long.

About the CF (Curly-pig-tail Fluorescent lamps, that so 
many commented about, they do indeed require a lot more
resources and electricity to make, but they only cost less
than a quarter in China. The reason they cost so much more 
here is because the sheeple have been brainwashed into 
believing they are worth it, and because thanks to the 
brainwash, the merchants get away with charging that much 
more. Once people smarten up and stop falling for the lies,
the price will come down. 

Some merchants still sell the regular incandescent lightbulbs,
even though they make a lot less on them.
Sylvania is still making Billions of them. 
In the USA! And in Canada.
Not everybody is gullible enough to pay the outrageous 
prices for the imported CF lamps.

If your hardware store does not sell incandescent lightbulbs,
go to Sylvania-Where-to-buy and punch in your zip code.

Once the cost of the Chinese CF bulbs comes down, I might 
try them again, but until then, I am buying Northamerican made 
incandescent bulbs. 

If any sleazy salesperson tells you, that incandescent bulbs
are no longer made, tell them that they are full of poodle 
crap and are lying to you.
Sylvania has ACTIVE plants in
   Beverly, MA  
   Danvers, MA  
   Drummondville, Quebec
   Exeter, NH  
   Hillsboro, NH  
   Manchester, NH  
   Mississauga, Ontario  
   St. Marys, PA  
   Versailles, KY  
   Wellsboro, PA  
   Winchester & Lexington, KY  

If you get near any of those towns, go on a guided tour
and send me some pictures to show everybody!

Sylvania is my favorite, but is just one of a bunch of 
companies, that make incandescent lightbulbs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump, he even wrote it down for me." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" "A Datsun." As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too." "Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down customer pick-up, Datsun 280Z water pump, part number . .
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!" Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Your turn!" ------------------ When i was working as a fishing guide on Tincup Lake in the Yukon in 1971, I told that joke to every boatload of customers. Believe it or not, about half of them asked if I had any dynamite along.
Thanks to Chris for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Calgary, Nov 1/2013
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Vargas, 33, San Antonio, Texas Jailed for ripping her son's scrotum during anger fit Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Vargas, a 33-year-old Texas woman, was jailed last Wednesday after she allegedly ripped open her 6-year-old son's scrotum during an angry fit, then attempted to mend it with super glue. According to police, an investigation was launched last week when a 6-year-old boy arrived at the hospital with a 1.5 inch tear in his scrotum that had been glued back together with super glue. Investigators say the boy's mother, Jennifer Vargas, was angry when she grabbed her son's testicles and pulled on them. The boy suffered a 1.5 inch tear to his scrotum and a bruised penis as a result. During a police interview, Vargas told detectives that she "treated" the injury by cleaning it with alcohol and then using super glue to close the wound. Vargas then stuffed the boy's underwear with toilet paper and sent him to bed. The boy's trauma was later discovered when his father found him crying in his bedroom and found blood in his underwear. The boy was taken to the hospital where he went into immediate emergency surgery. Vargas was booked into jail and charged with assault causing bodily injury. The case moves forward to a grand jury where an indictment or formal charges are pending. The boy's father has announced that he will be seeking a divorce from Vargas before she swings him around by his family jewels. Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: File list into spreadsheet Dear Webby, I HAVE paid attention and know how to turn a file name in a spreadsheet into a clickable link. What I still need to learn is how to get all the file names from a folder into a spreadsheet, in alphabetical order. Cookie Dear Cookie Fund the folder with the File Explorer and highlight the folder name. Hold down SHIFT and right-click it. Select "Open Command Window Here". Yeah, I know, that is a top secret left-over from somebody troubleshooting Windows during it's construction. Once you have the DOS prompt showing the name of that folder, type dir /b and hit Enter It will instantly show you the files in alphabetical order. Right-click and select Mark Smear the file names with the mouse and hit Enter. That puts them into the clip-board. Now jump to the spreadsheet and put the cursor where you want the topmost file name, and hit CTRL V That pastes them right where you want them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Tighter Prettier Bow It is almost that time of year we seem to make or attempt to make bows for Christmas. My tip is that you can get a much tighter bow and a prettier bow if, when finishing, you twist the whole bow instead of the wire. I don't know why the bow teachers didn't use this method for finishing bows. Doing it this way is also easier on your hands. By Janette Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 98." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 98. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."

» LOL Cats

Today, Nov 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of 
 Lisa Gherardini to paint her:The Mona Lisa.
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate 
 himself to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity.
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
 Britain did not like China restricting the Opium trade and
 forced China to allow Britain to trade as much opium in 
 China as they want.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at 
 LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger.
1900 The first automobile show in the United States opened 
 at New York's Madison Square Garden.
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia.
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis 
 Chevrolet and William C. Durant.
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the 
 Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S.
1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time 
 in a supermarket in Chester, NY.
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the 
 second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the 
 first to put a mammal into space, a dog named Laika.
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March 
 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach the planet 
 Mercury.
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot 
 to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally 
 in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded.
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first 
 broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the 
 release of seven American hostages. The story turned into 
 the Iran-Contra affair.
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of 
 arms to Iran.
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning 
 her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that 
 the children had been abducted by a black carjacker.
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at 
 Arlington National Cemetery to the 270 victims of 
 the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103.
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former 
 pro wrestler, as its governor.
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft 
 constitution was unveiled. They don't use theirs either.
2013  smiled


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Why is Windows 7 slowing down? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, November 2.

Next Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) Always do what you want, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. --- Dr. Suess
My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot you down?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

Thanks to Kati for this story: A canibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow canibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu. Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The canibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, Kingsport, Tennessee Jailed for Repeatedly hitting boyfriend with his truck Reported by The Smoking Gun After an evening out drinking, a Tennessee woman became so angry with her live-in boyfriend for failing to make a McDonald’s pit stop that she struck him three times with his own vehicle. Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, Santiago Hernandez, 41, and a second man were traveling in Hernandez’s truck early Thursday morning when Brooks got mad because “they didn’t stop at McDonald’s,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report. Brooks demanded that Hernandez pull over. When he complied, Brooks licked him out of his truck, replaced him in the driver’s seat of the Chevrolet S-10. While Hernandez was standing in front of the truck, Brooks drove into him, knocking the father of her child to the ground. She then “pulled forward and struck him 2 more times with the truck,” police charge. A responding officer noted that Hernandez had abrasions on his arm and back, and his “clothing appeared torn, consistent with being dragged on the pavement.” Brooks denied plowing into Hernandez, claiming that he had actually jumped on the truck’s hood. Seen in the above booking photo, Brooks was arrested for aggravated assault and booked into the Sullivan County jail, where she remains in custody. Drunk driving charges may be added. Tech Support Pits From: Gene Re: W7 Slow-Down Dear Webby, I enjoy your letter every day except when you go to get your eyes pierced! My problem is with my laptop running W7 professional. It has gotten very slow in all operations and when I open Disk cleaner it runs for a short time and then says memory dump error. I am stumped as to where to go. I have run crap cleaner- no help. Where can I go from here? Thanks for your input Gene R. Dear Gene That is very common, and contrary to popular opinion, not Microsoft trying to make you feel sorry for not buying extra copies of XP, when they were still available. And no, they are not trying to chase you to W8.1 either. That has even worse problems. The solution is actually surprisingly simple. Close all not currently in use web pages, especially if they have Adobe Flash on it. Yes, I know, bookmarks are often unreliable, and the temptation to leave tabs open, if you think, you might have more time to study those pages later, is very great. Just open a spreadsheet or NoteTab, and paste the URL in there, and maybe even add some comments. The sad fact is that if your W7 is updated to the minute, and if your Adobe Flash is updated too, then you either have to put up with a slow klunker acting like you were on a really sad hillbilly fence wire dial-up, or reboot every 4 hours if you use Internet Explorer or every 5 hours on FireFox, if you have a few tabs with flash on it open. If you leave a tab with flash on it run overnight, then in the morning the machine will be disgustingly slow. A lot of stuff uses flash nowadays, often in nuisance ads on the side. If something starts making noise on it's own, then most likely it is flash. Sometimes pages, especially news pages, are designed to be wider than your screen, and have ads out there in unseen nowhere-land. Sure, when Google catches them, they will be punished, but some bozos keep trying that stupid stunt anyway. If you her noise and don't see the ad, that is making it, shrink your page with CTRL + Scroll Wheel, and you will see it. Paste the URL of that page into your log, and kill it. You will be surprised at how fast your machine will be, and how long you can run it without rebooting. It will act just like it did until about half a year ago, when rebooting once a month was recommended, but not really necessary. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Blankets I've lived in several places with limited storage. To save room when it came time to remove blankets or place a lighter weight bedspread/comforter, I merely place them on the bed and then put the sheets on over them. It also helps making the bed more comfy. By Diane A. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3. He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third." The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them. Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy. A few years later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything". It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved. A year later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

» Jaming It:

Today, Nov 2, in
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed 
 his title to emperor.
1883 Thomas Edison executed a patent application for an 
 electrical indicator using the Edison effect lamp
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car 
 contest
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed support 
 for a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine.
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia.
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber. 
 It was named DuPrene.
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden 
airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's 
 first and only flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed because 
 of the white-gray color of the spruce used to build it, 
 never went into production.
1960 In London, the novel "Lady Chatterly's Lover," was found 
 not guilty of obscenity.
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was assassinated 
 in a military coup.
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to apply 
 for permanent residence in the U.S.
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New 
 Jersey prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for 
 the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper.
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed 
 in the U.S. since 1962. She had been convicted of the 
 poisoning death of her boyfriend.
1986 American hostage David Jacobson was released after being 
 held in Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims kidnappers.
1995 The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly covering 
 up $1.1 billion in trading losses.
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the 
 church's first openly gay bishop.
2013  smiled


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Which browser is best for Internet Radio? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Regarding the Affordable Care Act, remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it” A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample". That pretty well sums it up. --- Lillemor
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left." Linda turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past Yin road. Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin Road anywhere! Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask directions. She stopped and asked at the next farm. "I ain't never heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer. "But ya might try askin' old man McGillicuddy, he's lived 'round here for better 'n 70 years." "Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?" "He lives on the third farm past the Y in the road."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brianne Altice, 34, Kaysville, Utah Jailed for Repeatedly Having Sex With Gossipy Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Brianne Altice, a 34-year-old teacher at Davis High School, was jailed Monday after she repeatedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched when the victim, now 17, came forward to report the relationship. The relationship allegedly began when the student was 15 years old and continued until he was 16. The victim attended the same school and Altice was reportedly one of his teachers. Investigators say the victim told detectives that he and Altice engaged in sexual intercourse at least 7 times with 5 of those encounters taking place at Altice's South Weber home. Two encounters reportedly took place in Kaysville, which include sex at a local park. During a police interview, the teen was able to accurately describe tattoos on Altice's body and correctly described the layout of her home. Altice reportedly admitted to having sex with the student on at least two occasions She was booked into jail and charged with two counts of unlawful sexual activity with a minor. ------------- Just seven times in two years! Aside from being a terminal moron for nailing down a lifetime reputation as a gossip, what is wrong with the idiot, that he can limit himself to just once every FOUR months? Especially with a fairly cute babe? The same goes for her. If the kid is such a hot jock, that he is so much better than any teacher or visitor to the strip club, where she got talked into hidden tattoos, to risk trashing her carreer, then how can a 34 year old woman limit herself to just once every FOUR months? Times sure have changed! Tech Support Pits From: Sandra Re: Which browser is better for music? Dear Webby, Which browser is better or best for playing music? I am using the AccuRadio.com, that you recommend about once every year, but notice a difference between different browsers, but am not sure if that is an illusion or real. Thanks Sandra Dear Sandra I find that FireFox plays music from that site the best. Other sites, that require MediaPlayer or QuickTime or similar players, seem to sound best with MediaPlayer, even though that program is not as good as it used to be. I miss the controls for slowing down to re-listen to hard to understand parts or speeding up to search for a specific portion of a recording, but the sound is good (on my external speakers). Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Jack O'Lanterns After Halloween One way we save at Halloween is simple. We either wait until the day of to carve our pumpkins OR, we paint on the face with non toxic paint. Then the day after, we cut up the pumpkin, boil in salt water, then peel and mash when cool. I later freeze in freezer containers labeled with the correctly measured amount for what ever pumpkin pie or pumpkin recipe I want to next bake. When my kids were younger, I mashed and froze in small amounts (usually in an ice cube tray, then transferred when frozen to a larger bag to hold all the pumpkin cubes) for baby food. The days following Halloween are a good time to get very inexpensive pumpkins--but don't wait too long, as the prices will go back up in about a week in prep for Thanksgiving. By mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Ted Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. "Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?" The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming in to work or leaving?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."

» Optical Illusions

Today, Nov 1, in
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine 
 Chapel were first exhibited to the public.
1604 "Othello," the tragedy by William Shakespeare, was first 
 presented at Whitehall Palace in London.
1611 "The Tempest," Shakespeare's romantic comedy, was first 
 presented at Whitehall Palace in London.
1755 At least 60,000 people were killed in Lisbon, Portugal 
 by an earthquake, its aftershocks and the ensuing tsunami.
1765 The British Parliament enacted The Stamp Act in the 
 American colonies. The act was repealed in March of 1766 
 on the same day that the Parliament passed the Declaratory 
 Acts which asserted that the British government had free 
 and total legislative power of the colonies.
1800 U.S. President John Adams became the first president 
 to live in the White House when he moved in.
1864 The U.S. Post Office started selling money orders. 
 The money orders provided a safe way to payments by mail.
1870 The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological 
 observations using 24 locations that provided reports via 
 telegraph.
1879 Thomas Edison executed his first patent application for 
 a high-resistance carbon filament (U.S. Pat. 223,898).
1894 Russian Emperor Alexander III died.
1911 Italy used planes to drop bombs on the Tanguira oasis 
 in Libya. It was the first aerial bombing.
1949 In Washington, 55 people were killed when a fighter plane 
 hit an airliner.
1950 Two Puerto Rican nationalists tried to assassinate U.S. 
 President Harry Truman. One of the men was killed when they 
 tried to force their way into Blair House in Washington, DC.
1952 The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb on 
 Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall Islands.
1954 Algeria began to rebel against French rule.
1959 Jacques Plante, of the Montreal Canadiens, became the first 
 goalie in the NHL to wear a mask.
1963 The USSR launched Polyot I. It was the first satellite capable 
 of maneuvering in all directions and able to change its orbit.
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to demonstrate 
 on November 4 and to expand their attacks against the U.S. 
 and Israel. On November 4, Iranian militants seized the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage.
1985 In the village of Ignacio Aldama, 22 members of a Mexican 
 anti-narcotics squad were killed by alleged drug traffickers.
1989 Tens of thousands of refugees fled to the West when East 
 Germany reopened its border with Czechoslovakia.
1989 Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega announced the end of a 
 cease-fire with the Contra rebels.
1993 The European Community's treaty on European unity took 
 effect.
1998 Nicaraguan Vice President Enrique Bolanos announced that 
 between 1,000 and 1,500 people were buried in a 32-square 
 mile area below the slopes of the Casita volcano in northern 
 Nicaragua by a mudslide caused by Hurricane Mitch.
1998 Iridium inaugurated the first handheld, global satellite 
 phone and paging system.
2013  smiled


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Is MS Office ODF compliant? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, October 31.
Happy Halloween!

Thank you, Larry!

Today the second last of a box of those Chinese spiral bulbs
burned out and I had to insert the last one. The claim, that 
they would last longer than incandescent lightbulbs is 
obviously a lie.

They might save some electricity, but due to their much 
higher cost, don't seem to be worth it. Once their price
comes down to the same as regular lightbulbs, I will try
them again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. --- John Updike If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. --- Sam Snead Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. --- Bishop Sheen It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. --- Mark Twain
>From Alf I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see me arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down. Our heads collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for several weeks. I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how I came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom I hadn't seen for some time looked at my black eye and ex- claimed, "My goodness, what happened to you?" "The dog did it," I wearily replied. A man standing next to us looked over at me and said knowingly, "Ahh, he must be a boxer."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.
Click on the picture for the large version Russian tow-truck
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sergio Irey, 21, Sarasota, Floriduh Deadbet son got mother jailed after she gave him some well deserved slaps Reported by The Smoking Gun According to Sergio Irey’s mother, the 21-year-old Florida man is unemployed, lives at home rent-free, does not help out with household chores or bills, has allowed his college grades to plummet, and “spends all his time with a girl who is a bad influence on him.” Sergio’s loafing does not sit well with Rocio Irey, 45, who has explained to her son that he “needs to get his life on track, straighten up, get a job and start helping around the house,” police report. Police report this because last night Rocio and Sergio were arguing about his reported layabout ways in her Sarasota home. Rocio told a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy that she became angered at her son “because he was not listening to her, he was back talking to her and he was being disrespectful by interrupting her and ignoring her.” So a frustrated Rocio slapped her son across the face twice, explaining, “I slapped him because he was being disrespectful to me, I’m his mother.” Sergio, who later acknowledged his churlish behavior, responded by calling the cops on his mother because he “became scared of her and didn’t know what else to do.” Sergio is more than a head taller than his mother. Though Sergio was uninjured by the slaps, Florida state law required that “the aggressor be arrested” for domestic battery. So Rocio was handcuffed and transported to the county jail, where she remains locked up. With his mom behind bars, it is unclear who will make Sergio’s bed or his lunch today. Hopefully his mother is smart enough to change the locks as soon as she gets out. Tech Support Pits From: Renata Re: Is Microsoft Office Open Document Standard compliant? Dear Webby, Is Microsoft Office Open Document Standard compliant, or are they being left behind? Renata Dear Renata Microsoft Office 2013 is Open Document Standard compliant. MS Office 2010 is partially compliant. Older versions are not. 2013 and 2010 versions are still too expensive and difficult to justify. Until they have come down in price on eBay and Amazon, just use Open Office or Office Libre or Corel Office. If you grew up with WordPerfect, you are going to love Corel Office. It is the same thing, just a new owner. And it still includes Quattro! I use it every day to do the graph with the votes for the top 4 and the page views. 9 fields daily, for a year, is no problem for Quattro and does not slow it down one bit. If your needs are not that critical, try Open Office. You won't be alone. 1,127,539 Downloads this Week, and it's only Wednesday. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Taking Good Pet Photos The best way for me to take photos of pets is next to a big window. It's always a good detraction, and you can control how much light comes through, with filters and shutter speed. By Paw Prints Pet Grooming from Sweethome, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll use the tractor to help you turn the wagon upright." "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset." "Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied Willis.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said:"I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head spinning and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars - more hot dogs, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant the dress size!"

» Street Art

Today, Oct 31, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of t
 he Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start 
 of the Protestant Reformation in Germany.
1864 Nevada became the 36th state to join the U.S.
1868 Postmaster General Alexander Williams Randall approved 
 a standard uniform for postal carriers.
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers 
 (Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria).
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy.
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis 
 resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been 
 damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in 
 the stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture 
 Houdini had commented on the strength of his stomach 
 muscles and their ability to withstand hard blows.
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain 
 prevented Germany from invading Britain.
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years 
 of work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents 
 George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt 
 and Abraham Lincoln were finished.
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed 
 by a German submarine near Iceland. More than 100 men 
 were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began 
 a revolt against French rule.
1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not 
 marry Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend.
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person 
 to land an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became 
 the first American to set foot on the South Pole.
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth, 
 TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the 
 time he was in Moscow, Russia.
1961 In the Soviet Union, the body of Joseph Stalin was 
 removed from Lenin's Tomb where it was on public display.
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to 
 all U.S. bombing of North Vietnam.
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as 
 Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during 
 the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane 
 had mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital.
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated 
 near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, 
 Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister.
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns 
 had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles 
 Taylor were blamed for the murders.
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72 
 plunged into a northern Indiana farm.
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to 
 life in prison after being convicted of second-degree 
 murder in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She 
 was released after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter.
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, 
 MA, killing all 217 people aboard.
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran 
 Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of 
 Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal 
 dispute over the nature of faith and salvation.
2013  smiled


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Why Open Office? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, October 30.
Thank you Jim for your special postcard!

From Judi (re snap.do)
Thank you.  I just used the link for the download to get 
rid of it and it seemed to have worked.  When I opened 
Chrome again it was gone.
 
You saved the day again.
Judi 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened. --- Stanley Walker
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??" "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ...because he hated the book!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Thanks to Bob for this story: My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you."
Click on the picture for the large version 2 ravens
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney McPhillips, 26, Scranton, PA Jailed After Officers Find 35 Packets Of Heroin Stashed Inside Her Vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Courtney McPhillips, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed Thursday after she was allegedly caught with 35 packets of heroin stashed inside her vagina. According to Scranton Police, an investigation was launched after a police informant told detectives about a local drug ring, and identified McPhillips and a male friend for their involvement in the operation. The pair were under investigation when an officer stopped McPhillips' gold minivan after she failed to stop at a stop sign. Investigators say officers searched McPhillips' minivan and recovered 12 packets of heroin and several prescription pills from a plastic cigarette case located inside the vehicle. McPhillips and her passenger, 27-year-old James (Jimmy) Walsh, were found with fresh needle marks in their arms and slurred speech. As the search for drugs continued, McPhillips was found to have 35 glassine packets of heroin stuffed inside her vagina. During a police interview, McPhillips told detectives that Walsh handed her the drugs and told her to hide them when they noticed that a patrol car was behind them. Walsh admitted to owning the heroin that was found in the car, but stated that he never instructed McPhillips to take it or hide it. McPhillips was booked into jail and charged with possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. Her bond was set at $25,000. Walsh was booked into jail and charged with delivery of a controlled substance and possession with intent to deliver. He was also taken into custody for violating his parole. He remains held in lieu of $50,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Marina Re: Why Open Office? Dear Webby, You mentioned Opne Office quite a bit, and I have seen it mentioned in many computer magazines, that are not too thick with Microsoft ads. What's the story about it? Marina Dear Marina If you had a company with 500 or 5000 employees, would you buy 500 or 5000 Microsoft Office licenses, or would you tell somebody to download Open Office, have them customize it for your company and let everybody copy that from the company site? The same applies to many Governments all over the world. Even though the very persuasive microsoft salespeople have fantastic incentives to offer, the current budget crunch makes it easy to resist them. Small town Governments usually fall for the incentives, that are for the buyer, who doesn't really give a hoot about the town budget, however larger towns tend to switch to Open Office or Office Libre. Office Libre (Free office) is similar, but gets updated more frequently. This is especially the case with countries, where the Government has switched to Linux. For reasons of reliability, 99.999% of web servers are using Linux, With Linux, instead of buying new machines with differenc copies of Windows to annoy the users, updates are just to the under-the-hood stuff, and the user interface never changes. That eliminates a lot of cussing and tech support demands. Open Office and Office Libre run just fine on Linux too, not just Windows. Since more and more of industry, commerce and governments have switched to Open Office, the workers of course get the same free programs for home too. Because a large part of Microsoft office is loaded during the Windows start-up, -that is why it takes so long-, opening a spreadsheet or document is fast, compared to using Open Office for that, but other than that small inconvenience, Open Office is a very popular alternative. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cherry-Banana Cake Ingredients 1 1/2 cups sugar 1/2 cup vegetable shortening 1 tsp. vanilla 2 eggs 3/4 cup mashed bananas 2 cups sifted flour 2 1/2 tsp. baking powder 1/4 tsp. salt 1/2 cup maraschino cherries, chopped and well drained 1/4 cup milk Directions Cream the sugar and shortening until fluffy. Beat in the vanilla, eggs and bananas. Sift the dry ingredients, combine with the cherries, and add alternately with the milk, beating well after each addition. Bake in a 9x13 inch pan for about 45 minutes in a 350 degrees F oven. By Robin from Washington, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired,"did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the womans face, "Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, boasting. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you, and taking pictures for his web site!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From today in 2006 (some of the characters in this have since died) Thanks to Paul for the minutes of the Democratic National Convention 7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. 7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding -- Barney Frank Presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan -- Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender--Jacques Chirac 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay. Sean Penn 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet 11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals--John Kerry 11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton 12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home

» Orca Pods

Today, Oct 30, in
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established 
 by Simon Bolivar.
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton 
 County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave 
 uprising in American history.
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS 
 radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization 
 was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused 
 panic among listeners.
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe 
 rationing.
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel 
 Peace Prize.
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a 
 force of approximately 58 megatons.
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation 
 to increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion.
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as 
 dictator Francisco Franco was near death.
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline 
 "Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day 
 after U.S. President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto 
 any proposed federal bailout of New York City.
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped 
 pro-Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death 
 was blamed on four security officers.
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 %
 of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space, 
 performed the world's first animal dissections in space, 
 while aboard the space shuttle Columbia.
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian 
 President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's 
 military still in control.
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in 
 a referendum concerning secession from the federation 
 of Canada.
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane 
 and the 39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist 
 squads raided the plane.
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw 
 out the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between 
 the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks.
2013  smiled


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Fake Open Office 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 29.
I had to drive to High River to see my heart doctor today.
After having lived in the Yukon for 30 years, a bit of snow
on the road was no problem, but it sure seems to have been
for some people, especially in the area, where it was foggy.

In the afternoon it cleared up. The large hoar frost crystals
on the snow looked magnificent in the afternoon sun. Sure  was
cold, though, walking against the wind. It was about -16 and the 
wind was 30 - 40, and carrying frost crystals, that it tore off
trees and bushes. I sure was glad to get to a warm home at 
the end of my one hour walk.

While walking I wondered if there is a light bicycler or 
jogger version of a full-face motorcycle helmet. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) Conceit is God's gift to little men. --- Bruce Barton Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. --- Henry David Thoreau
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So, are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough so that his father can play it, too."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Damon Michael Miljour, 36, Fort Myers, Floriduh Traded His Harley For A Jail Cell And A Realistic New Halloween Mask Reported by The Weekly Vice Damon Michael Miljour, a 36-year-old Florida man, was jailed Thursday after he allegedly stole several items from a surf shop before polishing the pavement with his face while fleeing the scene. According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the area of Bonita Beach road Thursday after witnesses called to report a motorcycle crash. When deputies arrived on the scene, they found a black Harley Davidson motorcycle lying on the road with an obviously injured Miljour nearby. Investigators say Miljour was rushed to Lee Memorial Hospital where he was treated for his injuries. Deputies also noticed something suspicious while processing the scene. Several retail items which appeared brand new with the store's retail tag still intact. Among the items, deputies found sunglasses, wrist watches and high end shoes. Deputies checked out the store, Mango Bay, and discovered that a side window to the shop had been smashed out. Inside the store, several merchandise items were scattered as if someone had rummaged through the merchandise looking for items of value to steal. Deputies contacted a store manager who confirmed that the items belonged to his shop and had not been purchased. The total value of the stolen items was estimated at $10,000. Detectives then visited Miljour in the hospital, who claimed he didn't remember anything before waking up in the hospital. Miljour was booked into jail and charged with burglary, grand theft, and since he couldn't remember anything, he obviously was DUI. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Fake Open Office Dear Webby, I noticed that the writer mentioned installing Open Office and then found their computer was infected. I went to a site that offered Open Office some months ago. It looked like an official site, but the download attempted to install a lot of unwanted stuff. (my antivirus program and superantispyware went crazy trying to stop the infections) I ended up having to do a system restore to a couple of days earlier to solve the issue. Only go to Apache Open Office at http://www.openoffice.org/ to get this program. Never install from a cd purchased from ebay as many of them as well as alternative sites are filled with malware. Neil Dear Neil I agree 100%. For Open Office go straight to http://www.openoffice.org/ and nowhere else, no wmatter whether some site promises to be a faster and nearer mirror. If you use Libre Office, the real home is at http://www.libreoffice.org/download/ For Spybot-Search&Destroy, their home is still at http://www.safer-networking.org/dl/ Re that Snap-do virus, do NOT go to SpyHunter or fixbrowsers.com, even though the bozos at Ask.com have it top listed. Obviously, they don't have a clucking fue. That SpyHunter is probably the worst piece of monkey-crap I have come across in a very long time. If you tried even a bit of it, you need to do a sytem-restore. Or try to. To get rid of Snap-do or Snap.do, the best answer is at Techsupportall.com Even though the Engrisch there is not ready for opera, the technical advice is excellent. By the way, where he mentions google.com for Home site, take that as a quick example. It you have your local TV station or the Humor Letter as your normal HOME site, put that URL in there. He used google.com just as a quick example, to avoid having to type this much. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freshening Sour Laundry When a load of wet laundry got left in the dryer for a week the smell was horrendous. I soaked the whole load in the washer overnight with a cup of vinegar in the water, then drained it and rewashed with laundry soap. As good as new! By Linda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An American couple was driving in Canada and got lost. Finally, they drove into a city. They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so the husband pulled the car up to the curb. His wife rolled down her window and asked, "Excuse me, sir, we're lost. Can you please tell us where we are?" The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan." The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said, "We really are lost. They don't even speak English here."

» The Kungur Ice Caves:

Today, Oct 29, in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that 
 had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy 
 against King James I.
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be 
 an independent commonwealth.
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was 
 the founder of Pennsylvania.
1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded.
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, 
 was electrocuted.
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution 
 of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, 
 later known as Kemal Ataturk.
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the 
 Wall Street stock market.
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. in
 anticipation of WWII.
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went 
 on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price 
 of $12.50 each.
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez 
 Canal Crisis.
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use 
 close-circuit television.
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional 
 fight.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to 
 all school segregation.
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. 
 He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting 
 him over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season.
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding 
 discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex 
 or marital status
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's 
 regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages 
 during its occupation of Kuwait.
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit 
 an asteroid (Gaspra).
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to 
 pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President 
 Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power.
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the 
 Food and Drug Administration.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn 
 on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first 
 American to orbit the Earth.
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for 
 $2 million at a New York auction.
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Snap-Do infection 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 28.

It's still snowing, horizontally, and the bathroom window 
on the North is covered solidly. On the South side there are
adventurous looking snow drifts. No Gullible Warming in 
Alberta!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. --- Daniel Webster (1782 - 1852) Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives. --- Cookie When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking... I Gave Up Reading --- Cookie
Their were three men in the hospital waiting room anxiously expecting news any minute about the births of their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says I have great news. Your wife has just given birth to twins. The man exclaimed. " Well, that all right. I work for Double Day." The nurse goes to the second man and says, "I have great news for you too. Your wife just gave birth to triplets." The man says, with great surprise,"Well that's all right. I work for Triple A." The nurse goes up to the third man. But before she could say anything, he shouted, "I work for Seven-Up! Worked! I am outa here and off to Mexico!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch everynight and ate their fill. After some thought he posted a sign that read "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH LAXATIVE!" The next night he smiled smugley as he watched the kids run off without eating any of his melons. A week later he was surveying his field and to his satisfaction,no melons were missing but a sign next to his read,"NOW THERE ARE TWO."
Click on the picture for the large version Sorrento, Italy
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jerrika Carey, 34, Louisville, KY Jailed longer After Officer Finds Pack Of Smokes And Lighter Hidden Inside Vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Jerrika Carey, a 34-year-old Kentucky woman, has been jailed after she allegedly packed cigarettes and a lighter into her vagina and attempted to sneak them into jail. According to police, Carey was being processed into jail last week when the jail's body image scanner alerted to a foreign object hidden inside her genital area. When officers asked Carey about the object, she told them she had a lighter hidden inside her vagina and then reached into her pants to remove it. Carey was then whisked away to a strip search room where a female officer removed a crack pipe from her clothing. Officers then retrieved the lighter and a pack of cigarettes from her vagina. Carey was charged additionally with promoting contraband, possession of drug paraphernalia and tampering with physical evidence. Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Snap.do infection Dear Webby, I now have a brand new computer, very sadly it’s windows 8, starting to come to terms with it (well sort of) and downloaded a couple of ’things’. I got my new precious computer from a big name store in Australia, it’s a HP and as I said windows 8. Along with one of these downloaded ‘things’ came something nasty, squidoo’ and ‘snap do’. The only things I have downloaded are Belark Advisor, Open Office and ccleaner, there is no other way these programs or whatever they are called could have gotten on my computer, they appeared the day I downloaded Open Office. I’m still having a hard time working out this windows 8 {only had it less than a week} but I know I have to get rid of these nasties, I’ve had Belark Advisor and ccleaner (paid version) for ages on your advice (still don’t know how to get paid version back) so think it must have come with Open Office, I looked on internet and saw that there are lots of ‘get rid of snap do’ can you have a look and let me know which if any are safe and if I was to get rid of open office would the nasties go too (I don’t think so). Thanks in advance if you can help, Trish Dear Trish Squidoo is legitimate. http://www.squidoo.com/ It may not be necessary for you, if you don't want to put web sites together, but it doesn't cause any problems. If you don't need it, don't use it. It's as simple as that. Most likely it was pre-installed by HollowPeckers. If Squidoo put a toolbar on top of FireFox, just unclick it. Snap-Do is a malicious virus, that hijacks your browser. That one was probably put on by somebody at the computer dealer messing around with demo machines. I doubt that HolowPeckers put that one on. It is also distributed by email. If you don't have McAfee or some similar protction, it can slither into your computer quite easily. Snap-do or Snap.do is really nasty. It hijacks and redirects your browser, and sends your browsing log to marketers. Whoever put it onto your machine, gets paid a kickback for it. To remove it: Add/Remove Programs list in Control Panel (Start -> Control Panel -> Add/Remove Programs). In the list search for apps related to Snap.do and then choose ‘Uninstall’. Also remove Snap.do from your browsers: Internet Explorer: Tools -> Internet options -> General tab. Enter your desired website to make it the default homepage. Google Chrome: Settings -> Appearance. Enter your desired website to make it the default homepage. Mozilla Firefox: Options -> General tab -> Startup. Enter your desired website to make it the default homepage. Delete any folder related to “Snap.do” from the following folders: ProgramFiles AppData ProgramData LocalAppData Stay away from Fixbrowsers.com and SpyHunter. That is phony Bait & Switch stuff and might be even worse. SpyBotSearch&Destroy from my Toolbox at http://webby.com/tools will probably get rid of snap-do as well, but since my machine is not infected, there is no way to try that and be sure. It is a good guess, though. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Circle Template Being an avid crafter, I often make projects that require a circle cut from something. I would search through the house, finding an item that was the correct size circle, such as a can of soup. I finally took a few moments one day and armed with scraps of cardboard I had saved from empty cereal boxes and such, (one never knows when one needs a piece of cardboard!), I roamed through my rooms tracing different size circles onto the cardboard. I then measured each and wrote the size inside the circle. I cut them all out and keep them as templates. Now when I need a circle of any size, it's right there within reach. Works great! By maryeruth from Palm Coast, FL You can get a 12" machinist's divider at industrial supply stores and most of the better hardware stores. They are just large compasses with one end pointy and the other end a sharp little blade. You use the pointy end in the center, and the knife end for the outside of the circle. At one time the "firm joint" type was cheaper, but nowadays the spring loaded screw adjust types are cheaper. Either one works fine. You can, of course, tape a pen or sharpie or pencil to the outside end and draw the circumference, instead of "scribing" it. They are made for machinists to cribe (scratch) lines and circles for their lay-out, but work fine for any project. The flat scribing knife is hard enough to scribe a clean and easily visible line on most metals, plastic leather and wood. For fabric and foam tape a pencil or sharpie to the scribing end. A divider also comes in handy for dividing linear measurements and scratch off whatever lengths you set it. You will be surprised how handy it is, and how much fun real precision is. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole during a lightning storm."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it sure is cozy in there with the TV repairman!"

» Royal Tyrrell Museum

Today, Oct 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the 
 American Revolutionary War.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin.
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor 
 by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons 
 and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty 
 Enlightening the World."
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to 
 use fingerprinting.
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known 
 as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed 
 in 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the 
 U.S. Constitution.
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government 
 and introduced fascism to Italy.
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece.
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that 
 he had ordered dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of 
 collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, 
 was completed.
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President 
 Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, 
 to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related 
 convictions.
1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution 
 "deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada.
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, 
 pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces 
 the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume 
 distribution of the drug after the government of France 
 demanded it do so.
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called 
 for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military 
 leaders.
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that 
 all the troops there would be home by Christmas.
2013  smiled


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Is mailwasher any good? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. --- George Bernard Shaw The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. -- Quentin Crisp
Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is a Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians yet you gave him money?" And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they are little."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot."
Click on the picture for the large version Wouldn't you just love to work there?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dawn Weiser, 44, Springdale, AR Jailed After repeatedly stabbing husband for snoring, wheile he slept Reported by The Weekly Vice Dawn Weiser, a 44-year-old Arkansas woman, has been jailed after she stabbed her husband repeatedly because he was snoring. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's home after 43-year-old Doug Weiser awoke around 3:30 a.m. to find his wife repeatedly stabbing him with a butcher's knife. Investigators say the victim wrestled the knife away from his wife before the couple's two teenage sons came to his aid. The victim told detectives that he and his wife had argued that evening about his snoring, prompting her to sleep in a bedroom with one of their sons while he slept alone in the couple's bedroom. Dawn Weiser told detectives that she awoke to a loud noise during the night and walked in to find her husband with stab wounds. She went on to insist that an intruder was responsible for the stabbing, despite the evidence against her. Investigators say Dawn later confessed to stabbing her husband and then hiding the knife. The issue of snoring had apparently annoyed Dawn to a point where she began mentioning it on various social media sites like Twitter. Dawn Weiser was booked into the Washington County Detention Center and charged with suspicion of attempted murder. She was released after posting $25,000 bond. The victim was taken to a local hospital where he was treated for a punctured spleen, a lacerated liver and three stab wounds. He filed for divorce a few days later, according to court records. Tech Support Pits From: Bobbie Re: Is the mailwasher any good? Dear Webby, Dear Webby, you have been advertising MailWasher for a few years now. Do you use it yourself, and is it any good? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Yes, of course I use it. I don't advertise it because I get about the price of a coffee every time somebody buys it after clicking on the link. I recommend it because it drastically reduces help requests related to junkmail. These days I get around 4800 pieces of mail per day. MailWasher reduces that to the 120, that I need to see and answer. I have been using the same addresses for almost 20 years and by now every spammer has them on their lists. Without MailWasher I would have to change addresses once a year, and use those wimpy Captchas, forcing you to punch in hard to read characters, just like companies, whose admins are not smart enough to get MailWasher. Mailwasher deletes the spam right on the server, unseen, in the dark. I just see the cleaned mails. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cover Garden At Night To Protect Against Early Frost When it's time for frost to hit and we still have veggies that are still producing, we drape sheets or blankets over the veggies before dark. Then when we get up in the morning before the sun is fully out, we take the sheets or blankets off, so as to not bruise the veggies or give them black spot, especially on the tomatoes. By Betsy from Hoagland, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jake bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. His friend Abe said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," Jake replied. "But where in the heck was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

» It's Harvest Time

Today, Oct 27, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the 
 first Quakers to be executed in America.
1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of 
 San Lorenzo.
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in 
 New York City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, 
 the other seven failed.
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
 of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George 
 "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence 
 to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted.
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was 
 the first rapid-transit subway system in America.
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in 
 New York.
1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 
 26' 2 1/4".
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its 
 new synthetic yarn.
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They 
 had been married on January 14, 1954.
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by 
 calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in 
 Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect 
 of the agreement.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. 
 prison population had exceeded one million for the first 
 time in American history.
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of 
 Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected 
 leftist leader.
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy 
 FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second 
 largest banking company in the U.S.
2013  smiled


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What happened to Playa Cofi ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 26.
Looks like the snow is not going to wait until Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." --- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." --- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." --- A congressional candidate in Texas "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --- Bill Clinton, US President "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --- Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 19 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather
An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his cow pasture. The Amish man said, "No, no you can not." "Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker. As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bulls into the pasture. As the 1200 pound bulls rumbled toward the workers in the field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show them your paper!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
You may have seen that famous picture of a little bird riding on an eagle. This is probably the first time you see what that is all about. Thanks to Jon Winslow for the great pictures! Click on the picture for the large version Here you see a furious Kingbird chasing an eagle, who had picked up a dead fish, possibly one landed by the Kingbirds. Click on the picture for the large version Here the Kingbird has landed and started his woodpeckering on the eagle. Click on the picture for the large version Here the Kingbird is woodpeckering right on the skull of the eagle. Click on the picture for the large version Same as picture #3, just zoomed closer. The eagle gave up the fish half a mile from the Kingbird's nest.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Singletary,33,Spartanburg, SC Jailed After Assaulting Ex Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Singletary, a 33-year-old South Carolina woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly beat her ex-boyfriend in the face and then crushed his testicles because he wouldn't let her come inside his home. According to the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the home of Sonny Dolquist in response to a reported domestic disturbance that was occurring at the residence. When officers arrived on the scene, they were met out in the front yard by Singletary who appeared "extremely intoxicated." Singletary reportedly told the officer that she had been "hit" but she couldn't identify where she had been hit. The officer also checked her for injuries, but couldn't find any. The officer then went inside the residence to find Dolquist bleeding from the mouth. Dolquist told the officer that he and Singletary had lived together for two years until she recently moved out. He added that Singletary agreed to meet him at the house to pick up the last of her things at about 4 p.m., but didn't show up until about 8 p.m.. Dolquist told the officer that he had placed Singletary's items on the front porch, however, she demanded to come inside the residence. When Dolquist refused Singletary's demand, she reportedly pushed her way inside and began throwing things. That's when Singletary allegedly punched the victim several times in the mouth before squeezing his testicles "until they bled." A third party witness inside the residence told the officer that he saw Singletary assault the victim. A male companion who had arrived at the home with Singletary told officers that he saw Dolquist pick Singletary up and attempt to throw her out onto the porch. Officers checked Singletary again and still found no sign of injury on her. Singletary was booked into jail and charged with domestic violence. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Dear Webby, Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Randall Dear Randall Just like me, they depend on donations to pay he server costs. Apparently they did not get enough to pay the cost. Most of their files are at http://www.tropicalglen.com/ The organization is different and may take a bit of getting used to, but the music is there, Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Have an Organized Priced Sale Make sure everything is organized and has a price tag on it. Before opening your sale, be sure everything is put out to be sold. As customers move through and buy, straighten things back up, and keep everything neat. Please, no boxes full of clothes that are hanging over the sides. Hang clothes on hangers and price. Be courteous, friendly, and helpful when questions are asked about a particular item. Have fun, and be ready to negotiate prices when appropriate. By redderbell from Bernice, LA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure a lot friendlier than mine!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. " The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!"

» 15 Great Critters:

Today, Oct 26, in
1825 The Erie Canal was opened. The 363-mile canal connected
 Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of $7,602,000.
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine.
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone, 
 AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and 
 Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden.
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of 
 Santa Cruz during World War II.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. 
 The battle was won by American forces and brought the 
 end of the Pacific phase of World War II into sight.
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage 
 from 40 to 75 cents an hour.
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
 from New York City to Paris.
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile 
 Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the 
 U.S. agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter 
 missiles in Turkey.
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 
 26 years on the Peacock Throne.
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared, 
 "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam.
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to 
 death by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central 
 Intelligence Agency.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, 
 announced it was halting the worldwide distribution of 
 RU-486. The pill is used to induce abortions. The 
 French government made the company reverse itself 
 two days later.
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American 
 icebreakers. The whales had been trapped for nearly 
 3 weeks in an Arctic ice pack.
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to 
 reach 2,000 points.
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts 
 of defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S.
 Congress. Dean was a central figure in the HUD scandal.
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime 
 Minister Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a 
 peace treaty.
1995 Alec Baldwin got into a fight with a paparazzi 
 in front of his home when he and his wife Kim Bassinger 
 were bringing their first baby home from the hospital.
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi 
 missile warhead.
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin 
 won a defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. 
 The contract, for the "joint strike fighter," was the 
 largest defense contract in history.
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where 
 separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 
 116 hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the 
 gas or gunshot wounds.
2013  smiled


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Why use spreadsheets to create web pages? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 25.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


On tonight's walk Copper got very exited when we walked 
past the hospital. The Oilfields Hospital is in the middle 
of about 40 acres of lawns and the occasional bunch of 
trees. It looks nice, but you never see any patients out
there. When I looked closer at what Copper was straining 
so mightily to go chase, there were about a dozen deer,
including 3 or 4 very young ones, that were just barely 
walking, not yet bouncing like they do after a month.

They were white-tail deer, but of the dark greyish brown 
type. They look just as good as the light brown type, but
don't show well on photos. Copper sure wanted to go chase 
them or play with them, and run after them for 20 miles.
Not today. He was quite disappointed, that I was not 
interested in a quick 20 miles there and 20 miles back run.

No snow forecast until Sunday, but frost every night.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all, hawk, lion, and stinker.
Click on the picture for the large version Cheyava-Falls-upper-cascade-Grand-Canyon
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sasha Hunt, 22, Berne, Indiana Jailed After Taping Infant's Mouth Shut With Duct Tape, Leaving Gagged Child In Closet To Die Reported by The Weekly Vice Sasha Hunt, a 22-year-old Indiana woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly stuffed a sock into her infant son's mouth and left him alone in a closet to die. According to police, Hunt placed a sock into her 3-month-old son's mouth, wrapped his head with duct tape to keep the sock in place and then wrapped the child's arms so he couldn't remove the tape from his mouth. She then wrapped the infant in a blanket, placed him face-down on a pillow and then locked him in a closet to die. Investigators say Sasha Hunt's husband left the residence for about 15 minutes at about 12:45 a.m.. When the husband returned, he asked Sasha if she was ready for bed. She answered "yes." The husband, Nathan Hunt, went downstairs to shut off the television when he heard a muffled cry coming from upstairs. Fearing that his baby son had rolled over onto his face, Nathan ran upstairs to check on the baby. Sasha Hunt reportedly followed her husband into the child's room, begging him to stop. But when Nathan found that the baby's crib was empty, he began checking around the room until he found the gagged infant inside the closet. After removing the tape and gag, Nathan Hunt gave his wife a choice. Either she could turn herself in and check into a mental health facility, or he would call police and turn her in. Nathan Hunt told investigators that prior to the incident, Sasha had kicked holes in walls, attacked him physically and frequently handled their child in a rough manner. The child was also found with bruises recently, which Sasha blamed on the couple's 1-year-old daughter. On another occasion, Sasha reportedly told her husband that she wished the baby had never been born and hoped that he would die. Sasha Hunt was booked into jail and charged with attempted murder and neglect of a dependent. Tech Support Pits From: Anita Re: Why use a Spreadsheet for a web page Dear Webby, You have mentioned spreadsheets before, but I can't see how or why they would be useful on a web page. Please enlighten me there! Thanks Anita Dear Anita Whenever you have a table, for example a schedule of events, that has a column for dates, one for times, one for theme, and one for cost, it is extremely easy to do that in a spreadsheet. And fast! I use that method even to generate huge templates for albums like Dianne's Afghans and Cat Mats. Whenever you have anything, that is repetitious, like the rows in a table, then you can do it faster in a spreadsheet. You can even use formulas to fill fields with data from another layer of the spreadsheet. Then you are really cooking! Then save it as an HTML file, copy that and paste it into the destination file. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Steel Wool For Cleaning Coffee Pot To clean inside of stainless steel coffee pot, take a hand held kitchen wand. Place a steel wool pad of your choice over the scrubbing pad attached to the wand. This can be held in place by wrapping rubber bands around it. Use this to scrub around the inside of the pot. Rinse very well before then cleaning your complete coffee system with white vinegar and water. By Babwaray If you can't getyour steel wool padded wand into the thermos or pot, you can use my trick. Rinse it to makeit good and wet, pour a spoon full of Comet into it and shake well to distribute it evenly and cover every spot. Let it sit for a minute or two, then add a cup of water and shake again. Now you can use a regular skinny brush or foam wand or bottle brush, scrub it a bit, and rinse. Even an old and stubborn coffee patina will be gone, no matter whether the inside is glass or steel. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made a series of weird noises: "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-." and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight." Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?" The chief made the same noises: "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z." and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building." "Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter. The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z, from the short-wave radio."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." --- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign That reminds me, I quit smoking 2 1/2 years ago, and am glad I did.

» Stats

Today, Oct 25, in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt 
 over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000 
 Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by 
 the English.
1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States 
 captured the British vessel Macedonian.
1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the 
 Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of 
 Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order 
 to attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley 
 and suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed 
 that the order was the result of confusion and was not 
 given intentionally.
1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was 
 the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City.
1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin 
 seized power in Russia.
1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet, 
 was found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to 
 a year in prison and fined $100,000.
1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first time.
1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by 
 The Tappan Company.
1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had 
 been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's 
 pro-Western government.
1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was 
 introduced.
1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic 
 evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos 
 were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and 
 admit mainland China.
1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations 
 invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection 
 to U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's 
 Communist (pro-Cuban) government.
1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney 
 that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops 
 to Saudi Arabia.
2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a 
 family of four separately traded companies (consumer, 
 business, broadband and wireless).
2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the 
 remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million 
 years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew 
 as long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight metric 
 tons. 
2013  smiled


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Spreadsheet to web page 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 24
Walking tonight was cold around the ears. East Wind from
across the prairies. The wind had the rich fragrance of
drying grain, and the moisture it had picked up from a few
thousand miles of grain fields. 65% Humidity! No wonder the
2 degrees below freezing felt cold!

Thursday afternoon it is supposed to warm up, briefly, 
and cool off by the time Copper and I go for our walk.
I will be wearing my hooded winter jacket.

No snow forecast until Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. --- Rita Rudner When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. --- Sir Winston Churchill
An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation. "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes violin solo!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ ea. or three for a dollar." All day long, customers came in exclaiming "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!" Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?" "What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."
Click on the picture for the large version 100 Miles per Gallon? No Problem.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katrina Kane, 28, Washington Hollow, NY Jailed After Driving Drunk Across State Police Front Lawn Reported by The Weekly Vice Katrina Kane, a 28-year-old New York woman, was jailed early Thursday morning after she allegedly drove drunk across the front lawn of a local State Police headquarters building. According to police, officers were dispatched after receiving a 911 call report of an erratic driver. State Troopers soon located the vehicle and followed it for observation. Investigators say the vehicle left the roadway and proceeded across the front lawn of Troop K headquarters located on Route 44 and Route 82. The vehicle allegedly became stuck or otherwise stopped in front of the building. Kane, the driver, was administered a field sobriety test and deemed intoxicated. She was booked into the Dutchess County Jail and charged with felony DUI. She was charged with a felony because of her previous DWI conviction. Her bail has been set at $15,000. Tech Support Pits From: Ormond Re: Spreadsheet to web page Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to transfer part of a spreadsheet to a web page? Thanks Ormond Dear Ormond Copy the parts, that you want to transfer, into a new spreadsheet, and save that one as an HTML web page. Open that file, and copy the entire table that is in it, and paste it into the page where you want it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Countertops with Plastic Lids I overheard my husband telling his sister about something I have been doing for a long time. I figured if it impressed him, I should share it. When I open a new can of coffee, I take the plastic top from the old can and put it on the bottom of the new can. The plastic will help to protect your countertops. By Marty Dick I also keep a coffee can lid beside the stove for times, when I don't want to use a water filled Pyrex 1 Liter measuring cup to put wooden spoons or ladles into. For just one wooden spoon or flipper it's not worth filling the measuring cup, so I lay the tool onto a coffee can lid. Those plastic can lids rinse easyly and quickly, and since there are always more, it's no big deal to discard a messy one. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper. Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts, "Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!" The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says, "James, please. I have already told you. If you do have something important to tell me, first knock on the door, then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and civilized manner. Now please, do so." James apologizes and closes the door behind him. Three seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door. "Yes?" James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture, makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter, then says, "Sir, the Thames."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped clean the house and set the table when company was due for dinner. Everything was ready when the guests arrived, and they were seated at the table. Susan's mother noticed something was missing and said, "Susan, why didn't you put a knife and fork at Mr. Thompson's place." Little Susan explained frankly, "I thought he wouldn't need them, because Daddy says he always eats like a horse."

» Black Holes and More

Today, Oct 24, in
1537 Jane Seymour, the third wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
 died after giving birth to Prince Edward. Prince Edward 
 became King Edward VI.
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the 
 Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty 
 Years War.
1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria, 
 Prussia, and Russia.
1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous 
 friction safety match.
1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent 
 when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a 
 telegram to U.S. President Lincoln.
1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor, 63, became the first person
 to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel.
1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million 
 shares on the stock market. The day is known as 
 "Black Thursday."
1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened 
 for traffic between New York and New Jersey.
1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first 
 time in Wilmington, DE.
1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect 
 under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938.
1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less 
 than a month after the end of World War II. 
1945 Pierre Laval of France and Vidkum Abraham Quisling 
 of Norway were executed. The two men were recognized as 
 the two most prominent collaborators of the Nazis.
1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It 
 was in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War 
 Investigating Committee.
1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was 
 nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and 
 foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6/1960.
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces 
 went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation 
 for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The U.S. 
 blockade of Cuba officially began on this day.
1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 
 69-carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. 
1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian 
 was convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the 
 trial led to the belief that Syria was involved in the 
 attack on the Israeli jetliner.
1989 Reverend Jim Bakker was sentenced to 45 years in prison 
 and fined $500,000 for his conviction on 24 counts of fraud. 
 In 1991, his sentence was reduced to eighteen years and he 
 was released on parole after a total five years in prison.
1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to
 win the World Series.
1997 In Arlington, VA, former NBC sportscaster Marv Albert 
 was spared a jail sentence after a courtroom apology to 
 the woman he'd bitten during a sexual encounter.
1999 An Israeli court sentenced American teen-ager Samuel 
 Sheinbein to 24 years in prison. The crime was killing an 
 acquaintance in Maryland in 1997.
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation 
 that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap 
 all of a person's telephone conversation and track people's 
 use of the Internet.
2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered 
 orbit around Mars.
2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde 
 flight landed.
2013  smiled


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Sending SMS messages from a computer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 23




Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. --- Dereke Bruce If you have weird vegetarian friends it is best not to invite them to a barbecue. --- Scott Adam
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't talk to me in over six mont." Ole sips his beer and says, "Ve can trade. Mine has not shut up for six mont."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal."
This was yesterday's sunset. I didn't want to wait with Betty's morning picture any longer, so my pictures are here now. Click on the picture for the large version I noticed a pulsing blast. Interesting is that it is further back than the old microwave tower, but closer than the cell tower on the next ridge. Also notice the thin targeting beam versus the big fat blast. Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version Is that a blast from or at a UFO? You tell me!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Laurens Crane, Lawrenceville, GA Sentenced To Life In Prison After Recording System Designed To Catch Wife Cheating Provides Evidence In Child Molestation Case Reported by The Weekly Vice Andre Laurens Crane, a Gwinnett County Georgia man, was sentenced to jail Thursday after he was caught molesting his step daughter by the very same audio recording system he intended to use to catch his wife cheating. According to police, Crane was arrested last October when an audio recording system he set up to catch his wife cheating proved to be his own undoing. Investigators say Crane barricaded himself inside his home and attempted to commit suicide after the audio system was discovered and listened to. The audio system reportedly contained evidence that Crane had been molesting his 15-year-old step daughter. The investigation later revealed that Crane had been molesting his step daughter since she was 11 years old. Crane was booked into jail and charged with six counts of child molestation/ aggravated sexual battery. During Crane's trial in Gwinnett County, jurors needed only an hour to find him guilty on all six counts. He was sentenced to life in prison plus 10 years. Crane now faces additional charges of child molestation and aggravated sexual battery in Hall County. Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: emailing to phones Dear Webby, another question. i stumbled onto a program that allows a person to send an email from your desk top to a cell phone equipped with a screen.naturally i forgot where i found it, but i do know it works because i emailed my sister-in-law. would you happen to know the program name? thanks, dan Dear Dan The easiest way to do that is to use Skype. Add the recipient's cell phone number in the MOBILE slot. Then open a chat message to thet person. Look for the tiny switch in the left bottom corner and switch from Skype to SMS Mobile Now, when you type a message and hit Enter, it will show up as a text message on their mobile phone. If you don't have Skype, you can use TeleFlip You need the cell phone number of the recipient, for example 123 456 7890 Then enter 1234567890@teleflip.com into the TO line. Type up to 160 characters and hit SEND. If you have a big, beautiful signature box, disable that for sending SMS messages to cell phones. The message will usually get cut off at 160 characters anyway, but that can make it look silly. Instead of teleflip you can try the name of the carrier. TRY! Not all of them work that way all of the time. Bell, for example usually doesn't. Alltel: @message.alltel.com 1234567890@message.alltel.com Nextel: @messaging.nextel.com Sprint: @messaging.sprintpcs.com SunCom: @tms.suncom.com T-mobile: @tmomail.net VoiceStream: @voicestream.net Verizon: @vtext.com (text only) or @vzwpix.com (photos and video) You can get the address of a phone from the SMS gateway at http://www.freesmsgateway.info/ However, test it out, don't just put it into your address book. For example, for Barb, my neighbor, on Bell, the SMSgateway gives 4035541****@txt.bellmobility.ca Mails sent to that don't arrive at her phone. Flipping that little switch at the left bottom of the Skype message window does work just fine to send SMS messages to her. Keep in mind though, to turn that back to Skype or you will get yelled at for being a nuisance, if you are sending SMS messages, when you could send regular Skype messages, after the recipient is at her or his home machine again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Laundry Detergent Making your own powdered detergent is a lot easier, less mess, and doesn't take up all the space. Here is the recipe I found online and now use. Ingredients: 1 bar Ivory soap (or 2/3 bar Fels Naptha) 1/2 cup borax 1/2 cup washing soda (found in the laundry aisle) Directions Grate 1 bar of Ivory soap (or other not strongly scented bar soap). Add 1/2 cup of borax. Add 1/2 cup washing soda. Mix together and store in air tight container. Use 1-2 tablespoons per load. This recipe is for a low-sudsing detergent and works especially well in high efficiency washing machines. Source: homemadelaundrysoap.net By Alice from Poteau, OK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher. The father liked to inspect every new thing that came into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the display count down all forty-four minutes of the dishwashing cycle. Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!" The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be broken after only one use, but he insisted that because they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless. She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser: USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel on our honeymoon."

» Black Holes and More

Today, Oct 23, in
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces defeated the 
 Confederate forces in Missouri
1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make 
 a public solo airplane flight in the United States.
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote 
 with a march in New York City, NY.
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 
 starting the stock-market crash that began the 
 Great Depression.
1942 During World War II, the British began a major 
 offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began.
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet 
 occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter 
 Hungary and eventually suppress the uprising.
1956 NBC broadcasted the first videotape recording. The 
 tape of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in U.S.
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded 
 the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse 
 the honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won 
 the award for writing "Dr. Zhivago".
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
 overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon."
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and 
 seat Communist China.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over 
 the subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair.
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of 
 hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications.
1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin 
 was announced.
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 
 33 years of Soviet rule.
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese 
 emperor to stand on Chinese soil.
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II.
2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) 
 and Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and 
 exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program 
 with Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to 
 exclusive "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise 
 starting in fall 2001. The film was scheduled for 
 re-release in the spring of 2002. 
2013  smiled


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What to use when you expect long phone wait times 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 22.
No, I don't have a virus. The reason for the extra sendings 
were that some subscribers thought they did not receive their
newsletters and requested, that I try again.
No problem.
That ofcourse di dnot change their spam settings,and it went 
into their spam folder again. I hope they have made some 
filters by now!

I started in 1993 with keeping the Subject line consistent,
always starting it with "Humor: ", so that people with 
Eudora or Pegasus could automatically filter it into their
Humor folders. In those days spam was not a problem,
but sorting the mail automatically was kinda cool.

It actually still is!

Different topic:
According to Calgary TV a new Ransom Ware trojan is going
around. Apparently, if you click on a not quite legit notice
from a bank or financial institution, it encrypts your files,
and if you don't pay a ransom in 72 hours, your files will 
be destroyed. Apparently they found out the hard way, that 
it was not an empty threat.

Apparently McAfee will shield you from that, and no 
Humor Letter subscribers have been infected with that.
I guess they listened to me nagging at them for 25 years.

Common sense will also help. If you get an email pretending
to be from your bank or PayPal, and it looks not 100% legit,
dump it. Unless you can afford a $300 ransom, don't gamble!

When a full page about that virus is on top at the TV station 
site on election night, I would guess somebody at the TV 
station got hit and somebody did a bunch of yelling and 
screaming.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It often requires more courage to dare to do right than to fear to do wrong. --- Abraham Lincoln
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic." 2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!" 2013 A.D. - "Fill out these forms and make an appointment to see me next month."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his money out of his wallet, what would I be?" Little Jenny raises her hand, and with a confident smile, she blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Foggy Morning on the island
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Chiappetta, 26, Bellevue, PA Substitute Teacher Jailed After Officer Finds Him Passed Out On Heroin In Front Of Class Reported by The Weekly Vice Christopher Chiappetta, a 26-year-old substitute teacher at Northgate High School, was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly passed out in front of 11 students after drugging up on heroin. According to Bellevue Police, an investigation was launched Wednesday after a school resource officer found Chiappetta slumped over on his desk in front of his class. Investigators say the officer was patrolling the school hallways when he passed Chiappetta's classroom and noticed something wrong. "He was very disoriented," said resource officer Michael Hudson. "He appeared to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol." The officer and the school principal were questioning Chiappetta about his behavior when a stamp bag of heroin fell out of his pocket. Officers eventually recovered four baggies of heroin from Chiappetta's pockets and marijuana from his car. Chiappetta initially denied using any narcotics or alcohol, but later admitted to using heroin at around 6 a.m. that morning. He was booked into the Allegheny County Jail and charged with drug possession and child endangerment. He remains held in lieu of $10,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Tracy Re: Calling with long wait times Dear Webby, You mentioned some way to make calling places, where they make you wait a bit easier, but at the time, that did not seem important, so I ignored it. Now I need that info. Can you please tell us again? Thanks Tracy Dear Tracy I use Skype. Even though I COULD use a head-set (earphones plus boom microphone), I prefer to let the sound play in the external speakers. The headset hangs up beside the monitor and it's microphone picks up my voice quite nicely. Skype has a dial-pad for punching in numbers. The numeric keypad on the keyboard works fine and they can never belive how fast I can punch in numbers. The top numbers work too. Calling a land line is a penny (Euro) per minute. Since the dollar fell, that is almost 2 cents US$ now, but that is a lot less than using up your regular phone minutes. Voice quality is excellent, and you can really crank the volume if you need to go to the kitchen to make another pot of coffee. Don't worry about the microphone. Those boom microphones are not directional and pick up your voice from a long distance. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cold-Eze To Shorten Cold As soon as you feel a cold coming on, try taking the product "Cold-Eze". They are drops that contain Zinc. They can alter the taste of your food for a while, but they really do help. By Darla from Grand Prairie, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Mary-Beth for this story: Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin' on the porch swing, talkin 'bout the good ol' days when maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up, "Git mah gun, Maw." Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. "I think ya missed him, Paw," she says. "Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."

» Giant Sea Creatures

Today, Oct 22, in
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. 
It later became known as Princeton University.
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute 
 jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally 
 elected president of the Republic of Texas.
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment 
 with a high-resistance carbon filament.
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing 
 money from many New York banks.
1934 Charles "Pretty Boy" Floyd, the notorious bank robber, 
 was shot and killed by Federal agents in East Liverpool, OH.
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO).
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The 
 spacecraft had orbited the Earth 163 times.
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was 
 allowed into the U.S. for medical treatment. He had been
 installed by the CIA, but abandoned, when the Ayatolla took 
 the Embassy and the University hostage.
1986 U.S. President Reagan signed the Tax Reform Act of 1986 into law.
1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade Association 
 agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations by the year 1993.
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to 
 Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed 
 in July.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications 
 downloaded.
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) 
 for the longest continuous human occupation of space. It had 
 been continously inhabited since November 2, 2000. 
2013  smiled


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Emergency Shutdown 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 19.

Thanks Ray!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It often requires more courage to dare to do right than to fear to do wrong. --- Abraham Lincoln "A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward." --- Jean Paul Richter
Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train station?" "Sixty cents," said the driver. As the bus pulled away the man raced alongside it until the next stop. When the doors opened again he gasped, "How much is the fare now?" "Ninety cents," said the driver. "You're running the wrong way."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

>From Kara Why trick-or-treat is better than sex 10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy. 6. It's OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you ARE someone else. 5. 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. 4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door. 3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2. Less guilt the next morning. And the Number 1 Reason Trick-Or-Treating is Better Than Sex: 1. You can "do" the whole neighborhood!!! -------------- Personally, I disagree with Kara. I'm a Diabetic, and can do without candy quite well.
Thanks to Nana Rina for this picture Click on the picture for the large version Wave Walker
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Luis Santana, 32, Waterbury, Connecticut Birdbrain: Man Arrested For Throwing Parrot Into The Face Of Pursuing Police Officer Reported by The Smoking Gun While being chased by a cop, a Connecticut man threw a parrot at his uniformed pursuer, who was bit on the hand when trying to shield himself from the feathered projectile. Luis Santana, 32, was arrested Tuesday night on several charges, including assaulting a police officer, disorderly conduct, and animal cruelty. A patrolman responding to a call about a fight encountered Santana on a Waterbury street around 10 PM. When Santana bolted, bird in hand, Officer Gary Kichar gave chase. While fleeing, Santana turned and threw the white parrot at Kichar’s head. When the cop raised his hand to protect himself, the bird bit his finger. Kichar was treated at the scene for the bird bite. The parrot was initially turned over to animal control officials. Santana was apprehended while hiding in a nearby building. Free on bond, he is scheduled for a November 18 court appearance. Following the bird tossing, investigators learned of a burglary Tuesday evening during which jewelry and a parrot were stolen. Santana is a suspect in that crime, according to Deputy Chief Chris Corbett of the Waterbury Police Department. Corbett added that the parrot was later reunited with its owner. Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Emergency Shutdown Dear Webby, I used to use the Task Manager to shut down whenever Windows got bunged up and stuck. CTRL ALT DELETE works sometimes, to get to the Task Manager, and CTRL SHIFT ESC works sometimes, but other times neither of them work. Is tehre some other way? Wendy Dear Wendy If you can't use it to shut down a stuck program and can't even use the keyboard any more, try this: Hit the Windows key and R It opens the command line and now the keyboard lets you type again, at least in that command line. Type: shutdown -r Now Windows will shut down one program at a time, but it will prompt you to save unsaved files. Save them. Once the program by program shutdown gets past the program that caused the trouble, you can cancel the shut-down, or you can let it complete. Best is to let it complete and do a reboot. Then run Crap Cleaner to clean up the mess left behind during the emergency shut-down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Burnt Oil From a Frying Pan I forgot to remove my pan from the burner after frying taco shells, causing the oil to burn onto the pan. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Supplies: 1 Tbsp Dawn dish soap water Steps: Add Dawn dish soap to the pan. Fill the pan about halfway with water. Put the pan on the stove and boil for about 5 minutes. Be sure to set a timer. Using a metal spatula, carefully scrap away as much of the oil as possible. NOTE: Do not use a metal spatula on a non-stick pan. Empty the soap water into the sink. Then scrub with a sponge to remove any remaining oil. By lalala... A lot of old-timers will disagree with that. In the days of cast iron frying pans, you had to "season" the frying pan by burning an oil patina onto it. A properly seasoned frying pan is just as slick as a brand new Teflon "non-stick" pan. There used to be lots of jokes about a city girl visiting her boyfriend's Gramma and while doing the dishes, scrubbed the frying pan with Comet and steel wool to get down to bare metal. Naturally, when Gramma saw that, she gonged the city girl with the frying pan and kicked her out of the house. To season a frying pan, scrub it with Comet to remove any splotches of previous seasoning and make it look perfectly clean and even. Outside too. Put some peanut oil into the pan, and rub the outside with a rag dipped in the oil. You COULD use other oil, or even bacon rinds, but peanut oil can take more heat before it smokes. Turn on the burner and open all windows. It is going to get smokey! If dry spots appear in the pan before it smokes, pour more oil onto the dry spots. When it smokes, don't panic. It is supposed to. Keep the burner on. That opens the pores in the cast and allows oil into the pores. When the pan smokes evenly, THEN you can turn the burner off. Ideally, you still have some oil showing. That is good! Don't pour it out. Let the pan cool and the smoke waft out the windows. Once the pan is completely cold, THEN pour out the excess oil. You now have a frying pan that you can use to flip and even double trick flip pancakes and crepes. Naturally you don't let anybody use soap or Comet or steel wool on the inside of a seasoned frying pan. Just water and a sponge is all that is needed. The burned in oil patina is just as durable as today's fashionable Teflon, but whereas you have to throw away a Teflon pan after a year or so, a cast iron pan just needs scrubbing and a new seasoning. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones. do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt and personally throw away the key."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A cute young woman is giving a man in the barbershop a manicure. The man says, "How about a date later?" "I'm married," she answers. With a wink he says, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends." "Tell him yourself," she says. "He's shaving you."

» Crazy Gourds

Today, Oct 20, in
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution, 
 was launched in Boston's harbor.
1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain. 
 The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet.
1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris.
1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp. 
 It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out.
1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War 
 I near Nancy, France.
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words 
 per minute on a manual typewriter.
1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the 
 Electric Show in New York City, NY.
1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had 
 fined 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.
1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time.
1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet.
1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, 
 in opposition to the Vietnam War.
1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed 
 to Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there.
1986 Pro-Iranian kidnappers in Lebanon claimed that they 
 had abducted American writer Edward Tracy. He was not 
 released until August of 1991.
1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The 
 action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five 
 American spies.
1988 Former Philippine President Ferdinand E. Marcos and 
 his wife, Imelda, were indicted in New York on fraud and 
 racketeering charges. Marcos died before his trial and 
 Imelda was acquitted in 1990.
1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was 
 released after nearly five years of being imprisoned.
1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring 
 North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to 
 inspections.
1994 Rosario Ames, the wife of CIA agent Aldrich Ames, was 
 sentenced to five years in prison for her role in her 
 husband's espionage.
2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial 
 birth abortions.
2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's 
 offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for 
 the communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons 
 program.
2013  smiled


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Mystery typing 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 19.

Thanks Ray!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. --- Vic Gold
On her way back from the concession stand, Trisha asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Trisha nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."
Thanks to Nana Rina for this picture Click on the picture for the large version The Sudden Action button
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to SanJuanita Carbajal, 58, now in Maricopa County Jail Grandmother Charged With Giving 9-Year-Old Grandchild Drugs, In An Attempt To Have Girl's Father Charged With Drug Possession Reported by The Weekly Vice SanJuanita Carbajal, a 58-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly gave her 9-year-old granddaughter several packets of cocaine in an attempt to frame the child's father for drug possession. According to Gilbert Police, officers were dispatched to Pioneer Elementary School Wednesday after school administrators discovered that the little girl was in possession of several small packets that they believed to be cocaine. Arriving officers performed a field test on the substance and confirmed that it was cocaine. When officers interviewed the child, she reportedly told them that she found the drug packets in her father's truck. After further questioning, the little girl admitted that Carbajal had given her the drugs with instructions to hide them inside her father's truck. When officers asked the girl who she would rather live with, the girl emphatically replied "Grandma Janey!" The girl's father told investigators that the girl had been at the center of a long, drawn-out custody fight between himself, the girl's mother and Carbajal. The situation apparently intensified after the father was awarded residential custody. At some point during the custody dispute, Carbajal attempted to gain custody of the child, but was unsuccessful. The girl's mother reportedly told investigators that her mother's sisters are drug dealers, and she believes that her mother attempted to set her and the child's father up using drugs acquired from her sisters. The girl's mother is not a suspect in the case. The girl's father told investigators that he doesn't use narcotics and asked officers to search his truck. Officers took him up on his offer Monday and found no trace of cocaine or other narcotics inside his vehicle. On Tuesday, however, the father called police and reported that a bag of cocaine mysteriously appeared inside his truck after dropping his daughter off at school. After multiple interviews with all parties involved, investigators determined that Carbajal gave her granddaughter the drugs, hoping a drug conviction would give her the edge she needed to launch a new custody fight. Carbajal, who was visiting Arizona from Texas, was booked into the Maricopa County Jail and charged with child abuse. Tech Support Pits From: MaryLou Re: Mystery typing Dear Webby, When I type an email, or whatever, my cursor jumps around and I have trouble finding it. Very disturbing to say the least. Any suggestions on how to solve this problem? Thanks, Webby, you are always so helpful, and I LOVE your newsletter. MaryLou Dear MaryLou The problem is the silly touch pad right where your thumb is. Take a piece of stiff cardboard and cut it to fit over the thumb pad. You can even use a big piece and cover the entire area between the keyboard and the lower edge. You can use double-sided tape or removable post-it-note type glue (in glue stick form) to attach it. Hotmelt glue works well too. The alternative is to cuss and swear every time your thumb touches or almost touches the silly thumb pad. You probably have a mouse. If you don't, get one before you cover the thumb pad! Mice are from $4.95 to $129 Personally I prefer mice with additional side buttons for copy and paste, but that is a preference, not a necessity. There is a software method to disable the thumb pad, but then you are held hostage. In case your mouse dies, or had been forgotten at home, you won't be able to re-enable the touch pad. Therefore it is safer to just cover the silly touch pad with cardboard. If necessary, you can always remove the cardboard. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Cut Flowers Last Longer To make cut flowers last for weeks instead of days, use 7-Up or Sprite instead of water. Cut the ends every other day or so and freshen the liquid. Roses last for weeks! By grandmadan Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I'm sick of her, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her," and then hangs up. The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news. She calls her father and yells, "You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a single thing, do you hear me?" The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, "It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they're paying their own way!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bob meets Bill at the bar after work and is looking down in the dumps. "Whats wrong now Bob," asked Bill. Bob replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for." "Yeah, so whats the problem with that," asks Bill. Bob sighs, "Well, it seems I'm best suited for retirement."

» Fall Gems

Today, Oct 20, in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary 
 and Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman 
 Emperor Charles VI. Maria Theresa bore 25 kids during her
 reign.
1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of 
 America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all 
 citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage 
 all horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting, 
 exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions 
 and entertainment."
1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase.
1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary 
 between the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel.
1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek 
 War for Independence.
1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that 
 took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist 
 Headquarters.
1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines.
1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American 
 Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist 
 influence within the motion picture industry.
1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in Kenya.
1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis.
1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that 
 banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific.
2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without safety 
 devices and survived. He was charged with illegally 
 performing a stunt.
2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets. 
2013  smiled


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Computer keeps shutting down 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The more you seek security, the less of it you have. But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that you will achieve the security that you desire." --- Brian Tracy Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. --- Jodie Foster
>From Dave *The danger of having sports role models for kids* *1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." ** ** **2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: **"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." ** ** **3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: **"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." ** ** **4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: **"He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings." ** ** **5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: **"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A geniu s is a guy like Norman Einstein." ** ** **6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : **"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." ** ** **7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: **"You guys line up alphabetically by height." ** ** **8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: **"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton .." ** ** **9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: **"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." ** ** **10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: **"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is." ** ** **11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: **"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. ** ** **12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: **"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'' ** ** **13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: **"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." ** ** **14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: **"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious." ** ** **Ah, but they all ride to the bank in a Mercedes...*
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A kindergarten teacher was receiving birthday gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy-dog!"
Thanks to Nana Rina for this picture Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nicole Maxine Passmore, 25, Myrtle Beach, SC Hooker Attacked Patron Over Lap Dance Refusal Reported by The Smoking Gun A stripper is facing an assault rap after she allegedly beat on a male customer who turned down her repeated attempts to perform a lap dance inside a South Carolina club, cops report. Nicole Maxine Passmore, 25, was busted late last night for misdemeanor assault in connection with the confrontation at Masters Gentlemen’s Club in Myrtle Beach. According to a police report, patron Ernest Kadlick, 31, told officers that he was “having a good time in the club” with friends when Passmore (seen above) approached them and repeatedly tried to “dance on him” while attempting to take money that Kadlick had placed on his table. After turning down Passmore for a third and final time, Kadlick said that the dancer, who had launched into a lap dance and acted like she was entitled to the money on the table, told him that he had a “sweet receding hairline.” In response, Kadlick declared, “Yeah, and you’re a snaggle toothed bitch!” (witch ?) According to Kadlick and several witnesses interviewed by Myrtle Beach Police Department investigators, the 5’ 6” Passmore then “got up and started striking [Kadlick] in the face…approximately 5-6 times.” Kadlick and his friends then left the club and police were called. When an officer arrived at the strip joint, they found Kadlick holding a towel full of ice against his face. A cop reported observing “a welt coming from the area of left eyebrow.” Passmore claimed that she struck Kadlick in response to being pushed by him (though there were no witnesses to corroborate that assertion). Passmore was then arrested and transported to the Myrtle Beach jail, where she was subsequently charged and released on bond. Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Computer keeps shutting down Dear Webby, I "inherited" this super high preformance computer from my son. It keept shutting down on him right in the middle of games and he got disgusted with it. I tried it, just here on the table before putting it under my desk, and it seems to work OK for me. Is there anything I should do before I switch it out with my old clunker? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Open up the side panel and vacuum it out. If you see any heat sinks, clean them with q-tips and windex. If you can remove the shroud over the CPU fan, clean under that too. After putting it back together, don't put that machine into a desk hutch or confined space. Insted of putting it right on the floor, set it on a couple of bricks or wooden blocks. Give it lots of air. It will probably be fine for many years, as long as you clean it out once a year and give it plenty of air. And I bet your son's new computer, if he sticks it into the same airless cubbyhole, will keep shutting down on him just like the previous one did. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hiding Passwords Keep your passwords on the back of a picture in a frame that is somewhere you can easily access. That way, you will always have your passwords available, but someone else won't know they are there! All they see are pictures in frames. I have even used the magnetic frames so they are easy to move around. By grandmadan Try the free Roboform! Or you can do it the long way, and hope you won't get sidetracked by all the ads at http://roboform.com Roboform lets you store THOUSANDS of passwords for different sites and programs. It has a master password, so that you can access it even from totally different computers, when you go visiting. Roboform knows which password belongs to your savings account and which one to your Facebook account, and so on. As an added bonus, it has a password generator, that makes up safe passwords. Don't worry if they are awful looking tongue breakers, that nobody can memorize. RoboForm remembers them for you. You can even synchronize your passwords between desktop and laptop! I have used RoboForm for over a dozen years, and it has never disappointed me. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny and his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!" The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

» Automaton, 249 years ago

Today, Oct 19, in
1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to 
 U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It was 
 the last major battle of the American Revolutionary War.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat 
 out of Russia after a month of chasing the retreating 
 Russian army.
1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used 
 to pick up mail in Washington, DC.
1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the 
president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts 
 of Mexico except where Carranza was in control.
1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by 
 the Berlin Organization Committee.
1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in 
 Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R., 
 Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims 
 and cooperation between the nations.
1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be allowed 
 into WAVES (Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service).
1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean capital 
 of Pyongyang.
1951 U.S. President Truman singed an act officially ending the 
 state of war with Germany.
1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba 
 covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain 
 food products.
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to 
 anti-Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of 
 impudent snobs."
1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City.
1983 The U.S. Senate approved a bill establishing a national 
 holiday in honor of Martin Luther King Jr.
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional 
 amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag.
1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing 
license back after he had lost it for biting Evander 
 Holyfield's ear during a fight.
2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear 
 plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the 
 banks of the Thames River. He survived only on water for 
 44 days. Blaine had entered the box on September 5.
2013  smiled


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Needs a good alarm 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 18.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living." --- Doug Larson
First thing - every single morning - one of the secretaries in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horo- scope aloud. "Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal, levelheaded person. Do you really believe in astrology?" "Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical we Capricorns are."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

>From Rick Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please stand up?" My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"
Yesterday's cactus picture was from my dad. That Gymnocalytium Friederisii had bloomed day before yesterday. Today's picture was sent by Nana Rina. Click on the picture for the large version Some Cupids apparently request cooperation, and insist on it.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carlton Walker Jr, Middlesex County, Virginia Jailed After Calling 911 To Report She Was Too Drunk To Get Out Of Car Reported by The Weekly Vice Carol Frances Omeara, a 55-year-old Montana woman, was jailed Tuesday after she called 911 to complain that she was too drunk to get out of her vehicle. According to police, an officer was dispatched to Omeara's residence Tuesday at about 10 p.m. after she called 911 to complain that she was having trouble getting out of her vehicle. When the dispatcher asked Omeara if she was having a medical issue or mechanical issue, Omeara replied "No, I'm just too damn drunk." Officers arrived at the residence to find Omeara inside a vehicle parked outside of her residence. Omeara told officers that she had been at a local bar for about 5 hours before driving home. After arriving home, she spent the next four hours trying to get out of her car before calling 911. Officers administered a breath test which reported a blood alcohol content level of .311 or almost 4 times the legal limit. Omeara was booked into jail and charged with felony DUI. She remains held in lieu of $3,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Alma Re: Need a good alarm Dear Webby, I need an alarm that tells me it is time to check what is boiling in the kitchen. I am not playing games, just writing, but tend to get carried a way. What have you got in your bag of tricks? Alma Dear Alma I use Alarm It is free, easy to use, and 100% reliable. You can use the built in alarm sound, which is just as noisy as the Skype call to video, or you can use any music file, that you got. Yes, ANY. It is not intended as a bedside alarm to wake you in the morning, and it does not turn the computer on or bring it out of hibernation. It is strictly just for when the computer is running, but you are busy doing something other than watching the clock. I have used this Alarm for many years, and it has never let me down. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remembering the Order of the Planets This is a great way to remember the planets to teach to your kids! My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nachos My = Mercury Very = Venus Eager = Earth Mother = Mars Just = Jupiter Served = Saturn Us = Uranus Nachos = Neptune Hope this helps! By Jennapatrice Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.” “But I could be dead by then!” “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment and won't charge you for it.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in Moishe Goldbaum's delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin, that it is kosher."

» Cute Critter Pix

Today, Oct 18, in
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The 
 marriage united all the dominions of Spain.
1685 King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes, 
 which had established the legal toleration of the Protestant
 population.
1767 The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the boundary 
 between Maryland and Pennsylvania.
1842 Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph cable.
1860 British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of 
 the Second Opium War.
1867 The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia. 
 The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars 
 (2 cents per acre).
1892 The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago, 
 IL, and New York City, NY, was opened.
1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one 
 year after the Caribbean nation won its independence 
 from Spain.
1929 The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council 
 ruled that women were to be considered as persons in Canada.
1944 Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during 
 World War II.
1956 NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of 
 radio-equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks.
1958 The first computer-arranged marriage took place on 
 Art Linkletter's show.
1969 The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners 
 due to evidence that they caused cancer.
1970 Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to 
 death after eight days of being held captive by the 
 Quebec Liberation Front (FLQ).
1983 General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities 
 for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal 
 Employment Opportunity Commission.
1989 The space shuttle Atlantis was launched on a mission 
 that included the deployment of the Galileo space probe.
1997 A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and 
 present, was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery. 
2013  smiled


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Printing in landscape format 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. --- Buzz Aldrin, Astronaut (1930 - )
An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way!"
Thanks to NanaRina for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Gymnocalytium-Friederisii
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carlton Walker Jr, Middlesex County, Virginia Father Jailed After Firing Shotgun At Two Teens Who Returned His Daughter Home Late Reported by The Weekly Vice Carlton Walker Jr. of Middlesex County, Virginia was jailed earlier this month after he allegedly fired at two teenagers who attempted to bring his daughter home late. According to police, the concept of a father waiting at home with a shotgun became a reality for his daughter and two teenagers when the trio arrived home after midnight. Investigators say Walker became angry, grabbed a shotgun and confronted the two teens who were dropping his daughter off. When the two friends attempted to back out of the drive way, Walker allegedly blocked them in, pointed a shotgun at the vehicle and fired two rounds. Walker then instructed his wife to call police with the intention of having both teenagers charged with abduction. When officers arrived on the scene, they questioned the parties involved and took Walker into custody. He was charged with two counts of abduction, two counts of use of a firearm in the commission of a felony, and two counts of firing into an occupied vehicle. Tech Support Pits From: Trudy Re: Print in Landscape Dear Webby, I am sorry to bother you with this question: Besides your Humor Letter, my other favorite pasttime is knitting. I found some great patterns on the internet, but I am stomped. It says that I have to be in the landscape mode to make copies to fit on letter-size paper. I checked into the space, it is on landscape, but when I want to make copies, it still only prints about 3/4 of the pattern on each line. What gives?? Thank you for your help. I have a Microsoft XP. Thumbs up for your daily humor letter, it makes my day! Sincerely ---Trudy Dear Trudy I don't know the first thing about knitting and patterns. To print something like that, I would go into Page Setup File Page Setup From there on it differs, depending on what kid of printer you have. On mine, I can set up a bunch of "Named" defaults. Each of those can be totally different. For patterns, I would name that default "Patterns", change the orientation to "Landscape", set the color preferences, for example "Greyscale", so that light blue "anti-copy" sections come out as grey or black, set the dots per inch, for example 150, and save that. Then every time I print a pattern, I would select the "Patterns" default. My printer, a fairly old DELL 1320c, keeps defaults going, until a different default is selected. Some other printers revert to the built in "Standard" after turning it off and back on. Just play with it, and find out which type you have. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoiding the Flu and Winter Colds When I start to get sick, feeling feverish, any kind of sore throat, or just feeling like I am coming down with a cold or the flu, I immediately take 1000 milligrams of vitamin C and two echinacea with golden seal capsules (450 mg ea). I take this twice a day for two or three days and I have not had a cold or the flu in over 10 years. I don't know if it works for everyone, but it is definitely the right thing for me. By Sue from Norman, OK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Two neighbors appeared in court, each woman accusing the other of causing trouble in their building. "Let's get to the evidence," the judge said in an effort to end their bickering. "I'll hear the oldest woman first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Joe I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified section, though." I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!" She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels."

» Cute Critter Pix

Today, Oct 17, in
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, 
 NY. It was the turning point in the American 
 Revolutionary War.
1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" 
 was released at newsstands.
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and 
 was sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released 
 in 1939.
1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after 
 leaving Germany.
1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina 
 after staging a coup in Buenos Aires.
1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries 
 (OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries 
 including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed 
 from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria 
 attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo 
 lasted until March of 1974.
1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored 
 full U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President 
 Jefferson Davis.
1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel 
 Peace Prize.
1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale 
 hit the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake 
 caused about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages 
 up to $7 billion.
1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace 
 treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war.
2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical 
 Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out 
 the assassination to avenge the killing of its leader 
 by Israel 2 months earlier.
2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 
 1,676-foot-tall-building called Taipei 101.
2013  smiled


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Links to Veterans March 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
>From Roland A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O. K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.' "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" "Not everybody pays."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand- lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale."
Thanks to NanaRina for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ohio court rules living man is legally dead Reported by Walter the Stonecarver A man who turned up alive nearly 20 years after he disappeared has been told he cannot have a driving licence because he is still legally dead. Donald Miller Jr vanished from a town in Ohio in 1986 after he lost his job and turned to alcohol. He was officially declared dead eight years later, only to resurface in 2005. "It kind of went further than I ever expected it to," Mr Miller said. "I just kind of took off and ended up in different places." The 61-year-old went to court to apply for a driving licence and to have his Social Security number reinstated, so that he can work legally and pay taxes. However, his request to reverse the 1994 death ruling was turned down by Judge Allan Davis, who informed him there was a three-year limit for death notices to be repealed. The judge admitted it was a "strange, strange situation". "We've got the obvious here - a man sitting in the courtroom who appears to be in good health," he said. He told Mr Miller: "I don't know where that leaves you, but you're still deceased as far as the law is concerned." Records show that Mr Miller avoided paying taxes and child support for his children. He owes more than $25,000 in arrears. If his death declaration had been reversed, his ex-wife would have been ordered to pay back the benefits she received for her daughters in almost two decades. His then wife remarried in the meantime, to another Mr Miller. Ms Miller said she wasn't being vindictive toward Mr Miller, but, as a nurse who cannot work because of a disability, she could not afford to repay the benefits. That is why her lawyer fought against Donald Miller Jr getting his "Alive" status and Social Security card back. Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: Links to Veteran marches Dear Webby You sent links to see the bikes. Can you please send me links for truckers & veterans? Or put them in your newsletter. It is great that you let us know what our government is keeping from us. Thank you. Karen Dear Karen Vets: Facebook sites tend to get shut down, but the Obamites can't mess with Stars&Stripes: Stars & Stripes: Vets storm Memorials 1 Million Vets March Also really good is Honor Rides to the Memorials Have a hankie ready! Vets remove Barry-cades Truckers: Ride for the Constitution Million Truckers To DC The Biker's site is also good. You have to scroll down for videos of the truckers 2 Million Bikers To DC The bikers seem to be really humbled, because they did not quite get 2 Million, and have really toned down the rethoric. However I can sense that they are working under the surface and preparing for another big ride. Memorial Day maybe? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Antacid Tablets as Calcium Supplement Many of us are calcium deficient. Calcium supplements are widely available, but very expensive. Here's an inexpensive tip: Antacid products. The chewable antacids are calcium rich. The labels indicate that the product may be used as a calcium supplement and give dosage instructions for that. Large bottles of tasty, fruit flavored antacids save more than 50% in cost over the "calcium supplements" being sold with the same value of calcium. By Arthur Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Dianne for this story and picture: To my darling husband Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. Don't worry, it didn't touch your bike. I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweet heart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX PS.: Your secretary is pregnant.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Boss... "I saw you arguing with that customer. Don't you know that our policy is 'The customer is always right?'" Employee... "Yes, but he insisted that he was wrong! What was I supposed to do?"

» Cute Critter Pix

Today, Oct 16, in
1701 The Collegiate School was founded in Killingworth, CT. 
 The school moved to New Haven in 1745 and changed its name 
 to Yale College.
1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America opened. 
 The Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2 a day and 
 included four meals.
1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry, VA 
 now located in West Virginia).
1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to install 
 indoor plumbing.
1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute 
 the Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start 
 of the Disney Company.
1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted electric 
 light bulb.
1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow. 
 Romanians entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating 
 150,000 Jews.
1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened
1955 Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers using 
 the name Ann Landers.
1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the
 world's fifth nuclear power.
1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels.
1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of 
 the Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined 
 the award.
1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a 
 ballistic missile from a submarine.
1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed the Gramm-Rudman 
 budget reduction law that ordered federal programs be cut 
 by $16.1 billion.
1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of U.S. 
 warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase pressure 
 on the controlling military leaders.
1997 Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that 
 they would give $1 million toward the construction of a 
 D-Day memorial to be placed in Virginia.
2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying 
 Texaco Inc. for $35 billion. 
2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S. that 
 it had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation of an 
 1994 agreement with the U.S.
2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to five 
 years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing a federeal 
 investigation of the energy company Enron.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 billion television 
 episodes sold.
2013  smiled


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Hotkey to hide open programs 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 15

It was interesting this weekend, how some of the media
pretended, that there were no veterans getting mad about
being locked out of their War Memorials and that people 
were removing "Barry-Cades" (Steel barricades named after 
one of Obama's previous names "Barry Soeto"), and carrying 
them to the White House. I saw it on live camera and 
thought it was hilarious, all these people carrying the 
"Barry-Cades" like they were flags, and clattering them 
into a heap in front of the tall White House steel barriers.

Other media ignored the truckers protest. Sure, there were
not a million trucks. I never expected that many, and they
did not shut down the Beltway, but with their blaring truck 
horns and travelling in bunches of 5 to 20, they sure were 
noticeable. With more mature organization, they could well
have accomplished a lot more than they did, but they probably
realized, that they had neither the organization nor the 
numbers of the bikers. Some of the media showed them, others
ignored them.

Also mostly ignored was domestic terrorism like today's Bonehead.
He does not fit the preconceived model of a terroist. Just
a nutty hillbilly. 

Luckily I have friends all over, who send me links to what is
going on, even though the mainstream media does not report it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward (1899 - 1973) Beware of the man who won't be bothered with details. --- William Feather (1908 - 1976)
>From Roland An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river and sees tables laden with food. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk, after eyeing the tables with the food, says, "Yess, Preacher..I sure am." The preacher then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I did not Reverrend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?" The ole drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher: "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Thanks to NanaRina for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hope Ma Does Not See That!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Arkansas Hillbilly jailed for knocking down high voltage power Reported by Walter the Stonecarver Agents from the FBI and Joint Terrorism Task Force were called to Woodring's home Friday after neighbors reported hearing a loud explosion in his backyard. At the home, agents noticed a blue hose that matched one used in an August incident where power lines were cut down and dragged across train tracks. Federal agents say Woodring admitted responsibility for the August case and for two other incidents where parts of the power grid where sabotaged. That includes one on September 29th when an Entergy sub- station was set on fire, and the words "you should have expected us" were inscribed across a metal panel. Agents say Woodring also admitted to using a stolen tractor to pull down power lines near his home last weekend -- an incident that caused 9,000 people to lose power. Woodring is charged with destruction of an energy facility. He is expected to appear in front of a federal judge on Tuesday. Tech Support Pits From: Melanie Re: Hotkey to hide programs Dear Webby You mentioned a Hot key once for hiding all open windows, without hutting thm down, and just having a clean desktop. Due to my senility, I can't remember that far back, though. Can you please tell us again? Melanie Dear Melanie Hold the Windows key, and hit D (for Desktop) All your open windows will minimize to the task bar. When the coast is clear again, hit the Windows key and D again, and they all open up again. If you have lots of windows open, count on a second per window to minimize. Yesterday's trick for instant screensaver is faster, but Windows Key + D allows you to open other programs or search the desktop for a certain icon, that you know is there SOMEwhere. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Antacid Tablets as Calcium Supplement Many of us are calcium deficient. Calcium supplements are widely available, but very expensive. Here's an inexpensive tip: Antacid products. The chewable antacids are calcium rich. The labels indicate that the product may be used as a calcium supplement and give dosage instructions for that. Large bottles of tasty, fruit flavored antacids save more than 50% in cost over the "calcium supplements" being sold with the same value of calcium. By Arthur Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
23-year-old yuppy Johnny Slick parks his brand-new BMW M3 Coupe in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck comes along too close to the curb and completely tear's off the driver's side door. Johnny immediately grabs his mobile phone and dials 911. Five minutes later, a policeman pulls up. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, Johnny begins screaming and ranting hysterically. His car, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. Johnny Slick finally winds down from his rant, the policeman shaking his head in disgust and disbelief: "I can't believe how materialistic you yuppies are," he says. "You're so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" Johnny asks arrogantly. The policeman replies, "Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you!" "Oh, my GOD!!!!! " Johnny screams. "Where's my Rolex?!?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
John took Wendy to dinner at a really posh restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table by a formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a table on which were displayed the finest china and crystal. Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver napkin ring, Wendy unfolded it, put it around her neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back. Staring at her in utter disbelief, the maitre d' said, between gritted teeth, "Ma'am, if you want a haircut, the barbershop is on the other side of the street."

» Edmonton Corn Maze

Today, Oct 15, in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote island 
 of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean.
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to 
 presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated 
 that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard.
1892 The U.S. government announced that the land in the 
 western Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres 
 were bought from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre.
1945 Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was 
 executed for treason.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day that 
 U.S. intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered Soviet
 medium-range missle sites in Cuba. On October 22 U.S. 
 President John F. Kennedy announced that he had ordred 
 the naval "quarantine" of Cuba.
1964 It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev 
 had been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei
 N. Kosygin.
1983 U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them 
 down in Beirut International Airport.
1984 The Freedom of Information Act was passed.
1989 Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles Kings, 
 surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850 
 career points.
1993 U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade 
 sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers.
1997 British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the 
 land-speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than
 the speed of sound.
1997 The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape 
 Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, it sent back pictures 
 of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing.
1998 The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba 
 for the seventh year in a row.
2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of 
 Jupiter's moon Io.
2013  smiled


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Instant Start screen saver 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 14.
Thanksgiving Day in Canada.

Because Hagar the Horrible's great-grandfather discovered
Canada 550 years before Columbus discovered the Caribbean,
our Thanksgiving Day is earlier than the one in the USA.

It is celebrated the same way, though. Turkeys and pumpkins
are sacrificed, and leftovers are distributed to less 
fortunate neighbors, so that the kids don't whine about
five days of leftovers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. --- Galileo Galilei Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. --- Margaret Mead
A man and his wife are driving on the highway when a state policeman appeared in their mirror, obviously wanting them to pull over. The man pulls over, the officer approaches the car and the following scene ensues: State cop: "License and registration please." Man: "I'm sorry officer, what seems to be the problem?" State cop: "I clocked you on radar doing 75mph." Man: "There must be some mistake, I was only going 65." Wife: "Oh Harold, you were going at least 80!" State cop: "I'm also citing you for having a tail light out." Man: "But officer, I wasn't aware it was out." Wife: "Oh Harold, you know it's been out for two months." State Cop: "I'm also fining you for not wearing your seat belt." Man: "But officer, I just took it off as you were a pproaching my car." Wife: "Oh Harold, you know you never wear your seat belt." Man: "Will you just shut your mouth, Betty?!" State Cop: "Ma'am, does he always talk to you this way? Wife: "Only when he's drunk."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole' boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that i thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in that there collection plate." And the Reverend said, "No Shit? That was damn nice of you, Sir!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture by KDB: Click on the picture for the large version Burning Bush
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Newlywed in Germany German groom forgets bride at gas station Reported by Mainichi BERLIN (AP) ^-- A German couple's marriage got off to a rocky start when the groom forgot his bride at a highway gas station on the way home from their honeymoon, only noticing she was missing after hours had passed. Police said Friday the couple was heading home to Berlin from France when the man pulled over near the central town of Bad Hersfeld late Thursday to fill up their van. The woman had been sleeping in the back but got up -- unbeknownst to the man -- to use the toilets and he drove off before she returned. Only after 2.5 hours on the road did he notice she was gone and called police, who said she was patiently waiting. Tech Support Pits From: Ricky Re: Instant Start Screensaver Dear Webby Wanted to ask you a questions. Is there a hotkey, or combination of keys I can hit real quick that will start my screensaver? I seem to remember being able to do that on the old mac that I used in elementary, now I am on Windows. Thanks, Ricky Dear Ricky Most of your screensavers are in directories, that are hidden by default. First you have to UN-hide them. In the File Explorer (Right-click START, click EXPLORE) click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS VIEW In there tell it to SHOW hidden files, folders and drives, and take away the checkmark from HIDE EXTENSIONS from... That last one is totally insane, and nobody has ever figured out why that is still the default, after people have bitched about it for about 20 years. You NEED to know what kind of files you are dealing with! OK, once you have civilized things, do a Search for *.SCR files. That's the screensavers. Since they are not in the default search path, that might take a while. When the Search shows you a list of them, gently right-click one, and select "Open File Location" Usually that is a System directory like System32 In there, highlight one of the SCR files, right-click it, and make a shortcut to it. Drag that shortcut out onto the desktop. Now, whenever you click that shortcut, your screen saver will start instantly, and hides whatever you were doing. You can configure the screen saver so that it requires a password to go away. To do it that way, you need the longwinded procedure to set it up: Right-click your desktop, and then click Properties. In the Display Properties dialog box, click the Screen Saver tab. Click the Screen saver drop-down box, and then click a screen saver. Click the Preview button to see how the screen saver will appear on your monitor. Move your mouse or press a key to return to the Display Properties dialog box. Click the Settings button to change the standard behavior of the screen saver you selected. (Each screen saver has its own settings dialog box.) Then, click OK. In the Wait box, type the number of minutes the computer should wait to start the screen saver after you last touched the keyboard or mouse. If you are the only person who uses your computer and you are not concerned about security, clear the On resume, display Welcome Screen check box. Otherwise, leave this check box selected. Welcome Screen is the password prompt. if you don't want anybody to be able to snoop, while you are getting coffee, leave that checkbox checked. Click OK. That's it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Foam Pipe Insulation for Organizing Wires Foam pipe insulators are excellent for organizing loose wires. They come already slit, so the wires can be slipped right into them. They can be easily cut to any length and they come in either black or white. By Barb Careful there! Don't let any electrical or building or insurance inspector see that! They will pitch a temper tantrum! Electrical wires are rated for free air or conduit, and depend on radiating heat to keep from melting the insulation. Using short pieces of foam no longer than 2" is OK, but they have very little strength when they are that short. You can definitely use foam sleeves temporarily to sort out a mess, and then spiral colored electrical tape around the wires. You can get electrical tape in six prime colors, including writable white. Using one or two colors gives you 42 variations, which should be plenty for any home. (6 single colors plus 36 2 color combos) Use long, 1 turn per foot, or longer, spirals. The white electrical tape takes writing from Sharpies and even ball point pens. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a grant application or article by grant appicants pretending to be scientists: "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference. "A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless. "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published. "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't fit my theory. "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph. "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if funded. "IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once "IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice "IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice "IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... It sounds good. "IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... My buddy thinks so, too. "CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong. "ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it. "A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess. "A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over my beer. "IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't understand it "AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't understand it either. "THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS" ... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant. "A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee. "IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit.

» Rain Forests

Today, Oct 14, in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman 
 forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of 
 England.
1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D. Husbands 
 for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile.
1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached agreement 
 for the international marketing rights for the phonograph.
1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in 
 Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest not serious 
 and he continued with his planned speech. William Schrenk 
 was captured at the scene of the shooting.
1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane 
 speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-hour.
1926 The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made debut.
1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from 
 the League of Nations.
1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide 
rather than face execution after being accused of conspiring 
 against Adolf Hitler and the execution that would follow.
1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute Brigade 
 liberated the city of Athens.
1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck 
 Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first 
 American to break the sound barrier.
1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton
 Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of 
 25,000 people.
1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first 
 suggested the idea of a Peace Corps.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began when U.S. reconnaissance 
 aircrafts photographed Soviet construction of intermediate-
 range missile sites in Cuba.
1964 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel Peace 
 Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial prejudice in 
 America. He was the youngest person to receive the award.
1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S. 
 spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7.
1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the 
 death of President Nasser.
1986 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the U.S. 
 wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with the 
 arms race in space.
1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned 
 well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours.
2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and Protestant 
 politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed sole 
 responsibility for running Northern Ireland.
2013  smiled


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SBCGLOBAL mail problem 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 13.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. --- Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)
"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching twelve fish, while he didn't catch any!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

From a church bulletin: A family-type film, suitable for both children and parents, will be shown at the Sunday evening service at 6:00 p.m. Free puppies will be given to all children not accompanied by a parent.
Thanks to NanaRina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Voting works again!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to La Crystal King-Woolfork, 28, Vero Beach, Floriduh Jailed for Stabbing Boyfriend In Eye After He Refused To Have Threesome With Her Reported by The Weekly Vice La Crystal King-Woolfork, a 28-year-old Florida woman, has been jailed after she allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in the eye with a knife after he turned down her request for a threesome. According to the Indian River Sheriff's Office, a deputy was dispatched to Indian River Medical Center after a man with a stab wound to the eye arrived to the ER for treatment. The arriving deputy interviewed the victim, who stated that his girlfriend stabbed him in the eye after he refused to have sex with her. He went on to say that he was at home sleeping at around 4 a.m. that morning when his girlfriend, King-Woolfork, arrived home drunk and horny for sex. When he told King-Woolfork that he wasn't interested in having sex that night, she became angry and stabbed him in the eye with a knife. The victim reportedly wrestled the knife away from King-Woolfork, hid the knife so she couldn't find it, and then asked a neighbor to give him a ride to the hospital. Deputies also interviewed King-Woolfork who stated that she and a female friend were at the Shake Your Booty dance club that evening before returning home at around 4 a.m.. King-Woolfork went on to say that she and the female friend were having sex next to the victim when she asked him to join in. When the boyfriend refused to join, the female friend reportedly left the bed. That's when King-Woolfork reportedly picked up the knife and a struggle ensued between them. King-Woolfork denied stabbing the victim with the knife, but admitted to striking the victim several times in the face with a metal candle holder. Arguing the details about how the victim got stabbed in the eye didn't matter much to deputies who took King-Woolfork into custody and recovered the knife. King-Woolfork was booked into the Indian River County Jail and charged with attempted murder. Bail has not yet been established in the case. Tech Support Pits From: Marjorie Re: SBCGLOBAL mail problem Dear Webby Each morning I look forward to reading your paper, this morning it didn't arrive, I hope you can send me todays issue. Thanks, Marjorie on sbcglobal.net Dear Marjorie Just a routine Yahoo malfunction. Once your newsletters, both regular and large font, have entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I can do about them. SBCGLOBAL is just a paid version of Yahoo, plus connection. Like the free version of Yahoo, you are subject to their routine malfunctions. Complaining to their support is usually a waste of time. I would recommend, that you get yourself a Gmail address on the side and gradually shift important stuff like phone and electricity invoices, and of course the newsletters, over to Gmail. With Gmail you can benefit from their excellent filtering and easy filter making, AND then forward the filtered mail to wherever you want, even your Yahoo/SBCGLOBAL mail. That way you can use whatever email program you currently use for sorting and filing, and still have Gmail as an archive to fall back on. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Nail That Has Lost Its Head When the nail head breaks off a nail, it can be tough to get the claw of the hammer to grip the nail. To remove the nail, slip the claw of the hammer over the remainder of the nail and then pull the nail out by moving the hammer sideways instead of straight out. By ThriftyFun A Stanley or Eastwing nail puller is usually around $10. The gripping ends are razor sharp and harder than a claw hammer. If the wood is fine furniture, make it wet around the nail. That softens it, and you can tap the colored end (Blue on a Stanley) so that it depresses the wood and grips the nail. It will plow a groove into even a hardened spiral nail. Once you have a grip, slide a steel putty knife under the curve, and with the awesome leverage of the nail puller, easily pull it out. Wetting the wood and using a putty knife is of course just for fine furniture, not for the chicken coop or the kid's tree house. Click through the pictrue for larger size. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Rhonda When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I'll take them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." I told her: "I'll go talk to the manager", locked the till, took the opened package and dropped it back on the shelf on my way to a nap in the back of the warehouse.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Dave I work in a school department that is supported by educational grants. On his first day, my new boss delivered some bad news. He said, "Unfortunately, your last boss failed to apply for the grant that supports your work. You will be terminated at the end of this month. Did you know that?" Admittedly, I was unprepared for this, but I was not shocked. A week before the end of my tenure, the new boss came to me. He said, "Before you go, please submit the lesson plans you would have used for the next six months." I said, "Oh, I'm sorry -- those lesson plans would have been covered by the grant. Didn't you know that?"

» Maps of Europe, according to different prejudices

Today, Oct 13, in
54 The Roman emperor Claudius I died after being poisoned by 
 his wife, Agrippina.
1775 The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction 
 of a naval fleet.
1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in 
 Washington, DC. The building was torched by the Cnucks in
 1812, was whitewashed in 1818 and became known as the 
 White House.
1812 American forces were defeated at the Battle of 
 Queenstown Heights. The British victory effectively ended 
 any further U.S. invasion of Canada.
1843 B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded by 
 Henry Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY.
1854 The state of Texas ratified a state constitution.
1943 During World War II, Italy changed sides, signed an 
 armistice with the Allies and declared war on Germany.
1944 American troops entered Aachen, Germany, during WWII.
1944 During World War II, British and Greek advance units 
 landed at Piraeus.
1953 An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel Bagno.
1957 Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced the Ford Edsel 
 on an hour long special.
1977 Four Palestinians hijacked a Lufthansa airliner to Somalia. 
 They demanded the release of members of the Red Army Faction.
1981 Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak as 
 the new president one week after Anwar Sadat was assassinated.
1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an overthrow 
 of the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega.
1990 Le Duc Tho died at the age of 79. He was a co-founder 
 of the Vietnamese Communist Party.
1992 A commercial flight record was set by an Air France 
 supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours.
1995 Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 500-millionth guest.
1999 The U.S. Senate rejected the ratification of the 
 Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT).
2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped underground 
 in the San José Mine. The miners were rescued after 69 days 
 underground.
2013  smiled


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