Tuesday, November 19, 2013, 12:11 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 19.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Once science developed theories to fit the facts,
nowadays science fakes theories to suit the grant givers.
--- DearWebby
Political Correctness:
A doctrine fostered bya delusional, illogical liberal
minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous
mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the
clean end.
--- Kati
>From Roland
The executive officer of the unit where I worked in the
National Guard Armory went to a government office to take
care of some business.
The clerk there gave him two index cards with identical
questions on them. The officer filled both out, but when
he handed them in, he asked the clerk why she needed two
cards with the same information.
Stapling the cards together, she said, "That's in case
we lose one."
Out for a run one fine morning in Central Park, Bob the
Jogger spotted a brand new tennis ball.
Seeing no one around, he stooped over, picked it up and
slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. After finishing
his run around the reservoir, he headed back to his
apartment, pausing only momentarily at Central Park West
to wait for the light to change.
A young lady standing next to him eyed the large bulge in
his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh, my goodness," she said sympathetically,
"I can only imagine how painful that must be.....
I once had tennis elbow."
When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your
nurse, even when you're feeling miserable.
A bossy union steward learned the hard way after ordering
his nurses around as if they were his employees.
But the head nurse stood up to him.
One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have
to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled
down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading,
I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually
he rolled over and bared his bottom.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard
her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just
like that until I get back!"
She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he
cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past
his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's
doctor came into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't
you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
"Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."
Click on the picture for the large version
That picture above reminded me of the view from my outhouse
when I was living in the bush in the Yukon, until I put in
an indoor toilet. My house overlooked the Yukon valley and
in winter quite often it was filled with clouds. I had a
nice window in the outhouse door, and the view of the roiling
clouds was often quite hypnotic. On Sundays quite often
friends came visiting from town, just to spend time sitting
in my (well insulated) outhouse and meditate.
The clouds were a bit lower down, and there were no tourists
camping on the slope below the outhouse.
The view was the same from the kitchen and the living room,
but it just was not the same as when sitting "in the pyramid",
the pyramid shaped outhouse.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kristie Flores, 31, Saginaw, MI
Jailed After Repeatedly Raping
Underage Girl Over Four-Year Period
Plus extortion attempt
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Kristie Flores, a 31-year-old Michigan woman, has been
jailed after she allegedly had a 4-year-long sexual
relationship with a girl under the age of 13.
According to police, Flores sexually assaulted a girl under
the age of 13 repeatedly from June 2009 until June of this year.
According to the charging documents, at least three of the
sexual encounters occurred while the child was under the age
of 13 and involved penetration.
Flores was booked into jail and charged with three counts of
first-degree sexual conduct against someone under the age
of 13, extortion and accosting a child for immoral purposes.
A preliminary hearing has been set for November 19.
Tech Support Pits
From: OP
Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer
Dear Webby,
is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without
buying a new computer?
thanks,
OP
Dear OP
No, there isn't.
Contact your computer's tech support and ask them how
to format and re-install Windows from the hidden partition.
After that it will be as fast as it was on the day your
first bought it. That is the most speed you will ever get
from that hardware.
Most likely, though, the slowness you notice is not really
your computer but your Internet connection. There are many
sites, that let you test that, My favorite one is the
Internet Frog.
Check to see if you are getting the speed, that you are
paying for.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Brown Sugar Soft
Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist.
Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets
moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with
marshmallows!
By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept
forgetting things all the time.
The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously
wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a
pocket notebook and write things down so as not to
forget.
Several days later, the old man got up to go to the
kitchen.
His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while
you're up."
He says, "OK."
She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd
better write that down."
He says, "I won't forget."
She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd
better write all this down."
He says, "I won't forget."
He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate
of scrambled eggs and bacon.
She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I
knew you'd forget."
He says, "What did I forget?"
She says, "I wanted my eggs sunny side up!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous
realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn-
out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death.
The weeds were hardly even growing.
The smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all this land
needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good
people."
I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said
of Hell?"
Today, Nov 18, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War.
1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued.
Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in
Madison, NJ.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address
as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil
War battlefield in Pennsylvania.
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published
in the Sunday New York World.
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell.
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with
a vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority
was needed for ratification.
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the
first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito.
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their
winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front.
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service
on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production
of the unpopular Edsel.
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made
man's second landing on the moon.
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria.
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab
leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit.
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil.
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression.
1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion
anti-crime measure. They planned to outlaw it.
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel
Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia.
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey.
It was only the second known case where all seven were born
alive.
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began.
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard"
sold at auction for more than $71 million.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the most comprehensive
air security bill in U.S. history.
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank off
northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons of
fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed about
150 miles out to sea.
2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security at
424 airports nationwide.
2013 smiled
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Windows browser update notice
Monday, November 18, 2013, 11:47 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 18.
It was sunny looking today, but with ice needles and
drift snow in the air. I shortened my walk quite
drastically.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
--- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - )
Where we have strong emotions,
we're liable to fool ourselves.
--- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
(And he sure did, especially with the ice-age scare,
that he is famous for.)
If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got,
he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.
--- Frank A. Clark
"Live so that your friends can defend you,
but never have to."
--- Arnold Glasow
Linda got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered
what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get lost in a
snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what
she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if
she ever got lost in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the
Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"
About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was
talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking
her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and
sound like their noses are plugged up.
"They think we have an accent," she replied.
"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked.
"They talk funny?"
"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain.
"To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our
words are d-r-a-w-n out."
His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously,
"Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
From Georgina:
I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids
to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband
ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress
brought it, our children became quiet as she began the
ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my
husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up,
"Mom can drink a LOT more than dad!"
Click on the picture for the large version
Puyehue volcano, Chile, helping out with our CO2 shortage.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jade Cullen, 26, Stroudsburg, PA
Jailed After Hiding Third Party
Urine Inside Her Vagina During Meet
With Probation Officer
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jade Cullen, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed
Monday after she allegedly hid another person's urine inside
her vagina during a drug screen.
According to the Montroe County Sheriff's Office, Cullen was
reporting for a drug screen at the Monroe County Courthouse
Monday when her probation officer noticed that she was fidgeting
with something in between her legs.
Further examination revealed that Cullen was hiding a condom
inside her vagina filled with another person's urine.
Cullen later admitted that she attempted to fake the urine
test because she had snorted heroin earlier in the month.
Cullen was ordered to meet with a probation officer and
submit to random drug screens when she was released last
May.
She was booked into the Monroe County Correctional Facility
and charged with possession of an instrument of a crime and
failure to furnish drug free urine. She is also accused of
violating her parole.
Tech Support Pits
From: Larry
Re: Windows browser update notice
Dear Webby,
My computer keeps telling me that my Windows 7 browser is
going to be outdated and I need to install a new browser.
Is this for real? If I do it, will I lose all my “Favorites”.
What should I do?
Dear Larry
All browsers get updated quite regularly and frequently.
However, they identify themselves, for example
FireFox update to version 25
If the update notice claims to be "Windows 7 browser"
like you wrote, then that is from a virus.
If you suspect that the update notice is not legit,
click in your browser on
HELP
ABOUT
Check For Updates
or on
MENU
HELP
ABOUT
Check For Updates
And do your updating from there, not from the suspicious
notice.
Usually browser updates are not an urgent matter,
and it is often best to skip full number updates and
wait for a .1 number fix.
With legitimate updates your bookmarks and favorites
and cookies are quite safe. They won't be touched.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Oil of Cloves for Smelly Front Loading Washers
If your front loading washing machine smells a bit musty or
has black mould growing on the door seal, simply use oil of
cloves to freshen it up. I make up a 500ml bottle of water
in a spray bottle and add 1/4 teaspoon oil of cloves. Then
I spray the inside drum of the machine before I add the
clothes or, if I'm feeling lazy, I add 3-4 drops oil of
cloves on top of my detergent. The oil of cloves will kill
any mould spores. If you use the spray every time you do
towels or smelly socks, it will also get rid of mould on
your door seals. The black mould will disappear.
The smell dissipates from your clothes when you hang them
in sunlight but, in any case, it's not too strong a smell.
Plus you'll know that if your kids leave wet clothes for a
couple of days before telling you about them you'll be able
to make sure they're truly clean and mould free. Oil of
cloves should be available at pharmacies or sometimes health
food stores with the essential oils.
Source: Spotless by Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming
A few decades ago a good girlfriend got me used to tossing
a few whole cloves into every drawer, no matter whether it
was a sock drawer or kitchen utensil drawer or a drawer in
my workshop. Never had black mold in any drawer!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched
football games with his father. So much so, that he knew
some of the signals the referee makes.
On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high
to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service
by shouting at the top of his lungs: "Touchdown!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Dana
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner and
burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn't a way I could stop it,
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.
Today, Nov 17, in
1477 - William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the
Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in
England.
1820 - Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American
to sight the continent of Antarctica.
1865 - Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping
Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain"
in the New York "Saturday Press."
1883 - The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones.
1903 - The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S.
rights to build the Panama Canal.
1916 - Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary
Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme
in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916.
1928 - The first successful sound-synchronized animated
cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's
"Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse.
1936 - Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government
of Francisco Franco.
1966 - U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule
against eating meat on Fridays.
1969 - Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and
Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second
manned mission to the moon.
1976 - The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established
a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship.
1978 - In Jonestown, Guyana, Reverend Jim Jones persuaded his
followers to commit suicide by drinking a death potion. Some
people were shot to death. 914 cult members were left dead
including over 200 children.
1983 - Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched
uranium for use in nuclear weapons.
1987 - The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report.
The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate
responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides.
1987 - 31 people died in a fire at King's Cross, London's
busiest subway station.
1987 - CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record
division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion.
1988 - U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing
the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill.
1993 - The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate
in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities,
staff and patients.
1993 - Representatives from 21 South African political parties
approved a new constitution.
1994 - Outside a mosque in the Gaza Strip, 15 people were killed
and more than 150 wounded when Palestinian police opened fire
on rioting worshipers.
1997 - The FBI officially pulled out of the probe into the
TWA Flight 800 disaster. They said the explosion that
destroyed the Boeing 747 was not caused by a criminal act.
230 people were killed.
1999 - 12 people were killed and 28 injured when a huge
bonfire under construction collapsed at Texas A&M in
College Station, TX.
2001 - Nintendo released the GameCube home video game
console in the United States.
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Best way to transfer pictures from camera to computer
Sunday, November 17, 2013, 11:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 17.
The injectins this Wednesday seemed quite different.
apparently they either forgot the freezing or tried some
different type, that did not work. Yipe!
The doctor just shrugged and stabbed the other eye too.
The freezing and cleaning and disinfecting is done by some
low pay helper, who seems to be doing 50 - 60 patients per
hour. Considering that there is a new one every month, I
guess they get minimum wage and upgrade to McDonalds as
soon as they can. Well, that's life under Medicare, what you
will be getting under Obamacare. I can't really complain,
though. They are paying for the $2500 per injection, what
the doctor claims it would be without Medicare.
Sometime in December, he told me, I have to go for Cataract
operations. He figures they can do one eye at a time and
I could continue reading and writing with the other eye.
-16°C
Feels like -26
P.O.P: 80%
Snow: 1-3 cm
Wind N 25 km/h
Wind gusts 60 km/h
Humidity 78%
Those gusts, laden with snow and frost crystals,
are a nasty reminder, that I should have moved to
Floriduh, when I had the chance, because Gullible Warming
is FINISHED and Climate Change changed the weather back
to Global Cooling.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance
to work hard at work worth doing.
--- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)
Times have not become more violent.
They have just become more televised.
--- Marilyn Manson (1969 - )
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.
The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three
times three?"
"274," was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn.
What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn.
What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from
Tuesday."
A first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche
fan. She told the class to raise their hands if they
were true Avalanche fans like her. The children, not
knowing what an Avalanche fan was, raised their hands.
They too wanted to be just like the teacher, all except
one little girl. She did not raise her hand.
The teacher approached her and asked, "Why aren't you
an Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love
them."
The little girl responded, "I'm a Detroit Red Wings
fan."
The teacher asked, "Why are you a Wings fan?"
The little girl said, "Well, my parents are Wings
fans."
The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, "Just
because your parents are Wings fans doesn't make you
one. What if your dad was a moron and your mom was an
idiot, what would that make you?"
The little girl thought for a moment and said, "Well,
I suppose, that would make me an Avalanche fan."
Thanks to Dr. Connie for this report:
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy
and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
He wants to see if you've paid your last bill before
spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another
office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.
The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that I can
prescribe something for.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a
guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit their tongues.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe
this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab
can solve this one."
"There is a lot of that going around."
That's the third one this week! I'd better Google
about this."
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting.
Thankfully I'm off next week.
Thanks to Nan F for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Todd McCullough, 28, Saltsburg, PA
Jailed After raping 16 year
old girl in school
Reported by Fox News
A Pennsylvania high school industrial arts teacher allegedly
raped a 16-year-old student in a back room at the school and
authorities have not ruled out the possibility of additional
victims and charges in the case.
Todd McCullough, a 28-year-old teacher at Saltsburg High
School, was arraigned Thursday on rape and related charges
in connection to the April 2012 incident that state police
say occurred in a back room near the shop where McCullough
taught. But police only learned of the alleged assault last
week after another student told school officials she was
hearing rumors that she was “next on the list” of
McCullough’s potential targets, Trooper John Matchik said.
“More or less, the situation surfaced when another female
student came forward and said she was hearing rumors that
she was next on the list or that she’d be one of his
targets,” Matchik said. “She wanted everybody to be aware
of that.”
A subsequent investigation revealed that McCullough had
been physically touching the girl’s hips and shoulders for
years and frequently commented on her appearance,
Matchik said.
Then, in April 2012, as the girl was readying for a school
dance, including trips to a tanning salon, McCullough asked
the girl if he could see her breasts. The girl repeatedly
rebuffed the advance before McCullough eventually exposed
himself to the girl in a back room near the shop where he
taught, Matchik said.
The girl was able to escape that encounter when the school
bell rang, Matchik said, but a week later, McCullough
allegedly pulled the girl out of another class to apologize.
A few days later, McCullough allegedly asked the girl to
stay after class before raping her in the back room,
Matchik said.
Investigators are now probing whether McCullough, a five-year
veteran of the school, committed other crimes while teaching,
Matchik said.
“There’s a good chance additional charges could be pending,”
he said. “This could be the tip of the iceberg.”
McCullough, who remains jailed at Indiana County Jail,
doesn’t have an attorney and declined comment after his
arraignment Thursday. He is due to appear in court for
a preliminary hearing on Nov. 13.
The Blairsville-Saltsburg School District, meanwhile,
said it has been cooperating with police since the
allegations surfaced.
-----------
It is amazing, that the girl, who was raped, did not
report the rape, even though it seemed to have been common
knowledge around the school.
Tech Support Pits
From: Claudie
Re: Transferring pix from camera
Dear Webby,
What is better, to take the chip out of a camera and use a
chip reader to transfer the pictures to the computer, or plug
the camera directly into the computer?
Claudie
Dear Claudie
As long as you take the batteries out of the camera,
you can usually safely, though slowly, transfer the pictures
directly from the camera. If you don't take the batteries out
first, they will get drained quickly. The batteries are usually
4 x 1.5 = 6 Volt, and the computer USB port is 5 Volt.
That means, the batteries will try to charge the computer!
Yes, sure, there is supposed to be a diode in there,
preventing that, but in China, where they often use English
electronic theory, they often get them backwards.
With the chip removed, that problem does not exist.
If you use a cheap chip reader, the transfer speed is much
higher and the camera batteries are not affected at all.
Personally, I always use a chip reader.
Some old pre-XP chip readers won't work on Windows 7 and 8,
but they are cheap enough to upgrade every ten years.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
First Aid Kit out of Eyeglass Case
I have lots of old eyeglass holders, which open and close.
They are no longer used because I made my own and put it
close to the bed. I used the old eyeglass holder to hold
bandages and a tube of triple antibiotic. It takes up very
little space and is always handy.
By Robyn
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your
worries and troubles.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any
worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of
her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the
baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a
boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy
to give this information over the phone.
"Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me
what she didn't have?"
"It wasn't a boy," came the reply.
Today, Nov 17, in
1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death
of Queen Mary Tudor.
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason.
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67.
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide
while in jail awaiting execution.
1800 The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington,
DC, in the partially completed Capitol building.
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean
and the Red seas.
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups
Bolsheviks and Mensheviks.
1904 The first modern underwater submarine journey was taken,
from Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight.
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel
through the Panama Canal.
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces
from dancing the tango.
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R.
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule.
The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32.
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled
vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was
released by Luna 17.
1973 U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing
editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know
whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not
a crook."
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13
female and black American hostages being held at the U.S.
Embassy in Tehran.
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an
Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic
elections in Pakistan in 11 years.
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the
River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be
those of World War II prisoners of war.
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside
the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers
were killed by police.
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was
the first time humans had trapped antimatter.
2013 smiled
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Corel Office vs Opne Office
Wednesday, November 13, 2013, 09:24 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 13.
Wednesday I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.
Blizzard today. The snow seems to be here for good.
Reminds me of the Yukon. When it snowed there in October,
during the cold cycle it stayed until mid April, during
the warm cycle it partially melted a couple of times in
November and March.
Now we are in the cold cycle, and it would be snowblowing
season in the Yukon. Somehow I don't really miss that.
I had homesteaded a place a mile above the Alaska Highway,
and built my own road to up there. I cut it into a sidehill.
The grouse loved that! They used their wings to blow the
snow off parts of the bank, and then picked the dirt from
below grapefruit to head size rocks, until they tumbled down
onto the road, so that they could get at the dry gravel behind
the rocks.
I realize, they needed the dry gravel to grind the frozen
grains from grasses, but my 8' snow blower did not like big
rocks hiding in the snow. Whenever it encountered one,
CRACKKKKK!!!!, and something was broken.
Sure, I designed my snow blowers, so that rocks like that
broke reasonably easy to get at shear pins, but at -40 and
wind, even "easy to get at" shear pins are a real nuisance.
Especially at night.
Sunday snowblowing was not as bad, especially if the sun
was out. Imagine a bearded hippy all bundled up on a Kubota
4x4 tractor with a big snowblower mounted in front instead
of a bucket, and a huge 50 foot rooster tail of snow from
the blower sparkling in the sun.
However, the excitement of living in the bush wore rather
thin after thirty years. Sometimes I miss it, but usually
I am quite content to live a few thousand miles further
South.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Old age is the most unexpected of things
that can happen to a man.
--- Leon Trotsky (1879 - 1940)
What's right is what's left if you do everything wrong.
---Robin Williams
People with courage and character
always seem sinister to the rest.
--- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)
>From Diane
A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy
two servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume
about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one
pound of weight per week.
Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate
caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165
pounds. So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to
nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!!
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
Because it takes only a smile to
Make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
>From Donnie
Blood donor...A True Scot!
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery,
but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his
blood-type in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be
found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman
was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly
donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation
for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & thousands of US
dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go
through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the
Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a
thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate
his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would
be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds
& money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box
of cheap Quality Street."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have
Scottish blood in me veins".
Thanks to ChuckE for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Hi Webby,
Look at this sunrise this morning from my porch in
Costa Mesa, CA.
Chuck
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Lawrence Gillim, 59, Indianapolis, Indiana
Jailed After Beating Woman While
Driving Drunk, Crashing Car,
Leaving Injured Woman Behind
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Lawrence Gillim, a 59-year-old Indiana man, has been jailed
after he beat a woman while driving drunk, crashed the car
and then fled while leaving the injured woman behind.
According to the Johnson County Sheriff's Office, Gillim was
driving drunk as he beat a woman sitting in the passenger
seat of his car.
Although the woman begged to be let out of the car, Gillim
continued to beat her while driving at a high rate of speed.
Investigators say Gillim then crashed his vehicle into two
cars that were parked near the Atterbury Fish and Wildlife
Area.
Witnesses at the scene watched as the female passenger
emerged from the vehicle and then collapsed. When Gillim
exited the vehicle and saw bystanders calling 911, he
fled the scene into a nearby wooded area leaving the
injured woman behind.
The woman was rushed to Johnson Memorial Hospital where
she was treated for injuries mostly received during the
beating she endured from Gillim.
Deputies located Gilliam after following him into the woods
with a dog, who promptly took a chunk out of him. He was
then transported to a local hospital where he was treated
for a bite wound received from the dog during the chase.
He was then booked into the Johnson County Jail and charged
with driving while intoxicated, operating a vehicle while
intoxicated causing endangerment, operating while intoxicated
causing injury, domestic battery, leaving the scene of an
accident causing injury, resisting law enforcement,
criminal confinement, criminal recklessness with a vehicle
and annoying a police dog.
Tech Support Pits
From: Oscar
Re: Corel versus Open Office
Dear Webby,
You seemed to be a fan of Open Office and Office Libre,
and even PC-World recommends it. Why the switch to
Corel Office?
Oscar
Dear Oscar
I have had Word Perfect and Quattro since the 80's, when
mail was counted by how many were printed per shift,
not by how cutesy the quotes were or how pretty a letter
looked. Today talking speed stenos and 100+ words per minute
typists are as rare as unicorns or virgins, but some of us
still like programs, that can handle that kind of speed
and performance.
Calc in Open Office is a fairly good spreadsheet, and will
handle just about any home project and many small office
projects. However Martha was not asking for a free
spreadsheet, she asked for which version of Corel would be
able to handle her project. Most likely she is working on
something big, that needs the power of Quattro.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Folding Sheets for Easier Bed Making
Try this way of folding a queen size top sheet so that it can
be laid by the top of the bed and unfolded to end up exactly
where it should be on the bed. When folding the sheet, fold
it up (bottom folded up to the top), to the right, up, to
the right, up, to the right, etc. until you get it folded
into a square about a foot across with the last fold to
the right.
When you put the folded sheet on the bed, unfold the first
fold to the left and place the sheet at the top right side
of the bed. Let it hang down about 15 inches over the side
of the bed and keep unfolding it down, to the left, down,
to the left, and down, etc., until it is completely unfolded.
(They probably do this in hospitals, with twin-size hospital
beds.) However, with a queen size bed it can be somewhat more
difficult to do alone. With two people putting a sheet on a
queen bed there would be no running to the other side of the
bed to straighten it as it folds out to the full width of the
bed. But if you are doing it yourself, you probably will need
to at least once even with this method.
I don't bother to fold the bottom (fitted) sheet, but just
roll it up as it is easy to put on and the wrinkles stretch
out once it is on the bed.
By Judy S. from ND
Amazing! And all these years I have just
taken the sheets off the line and folded them lentgthwise twise,
then on that narrow pack fold the thirds in from both sides.
For making the bed, I drop it onto the bed, unfold the "ears",
grab the edge of the sheet as far apart as my arms will reach,
lift and whip the sheet. It will unfold, trap air underneath
and smoothly settle onto the bed. Done.
My challenge has always been the fitted sheet until I got a
Mark-All and marked NE, SE, SW, and NW onto the corners on the
downward parts. Now even an untamed bachelor like me can dress
a bed in a hurry.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean
that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior,
the Lord will reward him with his choice of
infinite wealth,
wisdom, or
beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke
and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded
by a faint halo of light.
One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A man left for a vacation in Florida. His wife, on a business
trip and was planning to meet him the next day. When he
reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written
her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from
memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note
was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose
husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one
look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell
to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into
the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared
for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here."
Today, Nov 13, in
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured
Montreal.
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which
he said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain,
except death and taxes."
1805 Johann George Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a
recipe and called it the "frankfurter." Also known as the
"Wiener"
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing access
between New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in America
took place.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure
lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial
segregation on public buses.
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft
to orbit another planet, Mars.
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in
newspapers for the last time.
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that
the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran.
He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but
that they had been sent to improve relations.
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union.
1997 Iraq expelled six U.N. arms inspectors that were
U.S. citizens.
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press
for the North American rights to her story about her affair
with U.S. President Bill Clinton.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order
that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners
captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time
since World War II that a president had taken such action.
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon.
The discovery came from the planned impact on the moon of the
Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS).
2013 smiled
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Which version of Corel Office?
Tuesday, November 12, 2013, 11:37 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 12.
On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.
The huge hoarfrost crystals on top of the snow in the
morning sun sure are pretty. Not a sign for warmer weather
in the near future, though. Time to dig out the long
underwear.
DearWebby
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The trouble with being poor is that
it takes up all of your time.
--- Willem de Kooning (1904 - 1997)
We hang the petty thieves and
appoint the great ones to public office.
--- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC)
I love this classic:
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst
into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging
between them a young man.
"This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the King, until he called
for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall
hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive
a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent
blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man
must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the
king's court.
"Indeed," said wise King Solomon.
"That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her other car.
Click on the picture for the large version
FrankenCar
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Glen Davis, 48, Winter Haven, Floriduh
HIV Positive Man Douses Woman With
Gasoline, Then Rapes Her Saying
"You're Going To Die One Way Or Another."
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Glen Davis, a 48-year-old HIV positive man, was jailed
Saturday after he allegedly doused his girlfriend with
gasoline and forced her to have unprotected sex with him
as he held a pair of scissors to her throat.
According to Winter Haven police, Davis and his girlfriend
were arguing Halloween night when Davis locked all of the
doors to the house and began setting things on fire.
Davis reportedly poured gasoline on a table and a pile of
clothes and then set them on fire.
Aiming to amp up the terror a bit more, Davis then doused
his girlfriend with gasoline and threatened to set her on
fire. At some point during the confrontation, Davis
allegedly grabbed the victim's young son by the neck and
threatened to set him on fire as well.
A short time later, Davis forced the victim to have
unprotected sex with him. Although the victim begged him
to use a condom, he put a pair of scissors to her throat
and proceeded to rape her without a condom.
"You're going to die, one way or another," Davis told the
woman moments before the sexual assault.
Davis was arrested two days later after a relative urged
her to call police.
He was booked into jail and charged with criminal
transmission of HIV, battery, false imprisonment, two counts
of arson, two counts of aggravated battery and sexual
assault.
He will get the best medical care until the lawyers finish,
which could be a few decades.
Tech Support Pits
From: Martha
Re: Which version of Corel Office
Dear Webby,
Forget Skype. The bozos at microslop use big 4:3 monitors
and have no sympathy for the poor slobs like you, who have
to use wide monitors. Just switch to Google+ Hangout. That
has better video and voice quality anyway.
My question is which version Corel Office to buy. I need to
do a big math project, that is way too complicated for Excel
and need to use Quattro in Corel, but don't really want to
buy the current version.
Thanks
Martha
Dear Martha
Probably any version will work fine. They have not dumbed
it down, and I don't think there are any real changes in
Quattro. Get whatever version you find on sale at eBay
or wherever.
I still use version X4, and would not pay to switch to a
newer version. It works just fine, and I don't think there
were any changes in it over previous versions. You can even
set it to act like Excel, open Excel files and even save
them as Excel files. Especially in a cooperative environment
that makes it a clear winner.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easy, Free Cheese Wrapping
If you use cheese often, like I do, here is a decent tip!
Cut straight through a block of unopened cheese, remove
the portion you will use without demolishing package.
Keep the wrapper from the piece you used, turn it over
and cut a slice in the back side. Now, slip it over the
remaining section of cheese. You now have a free wrapping
technique, so no need to use up another dish or plastic
bag/wrap. It works great for me, without drying out!
By Becca from NY
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling
stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 2 hours
and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They
all got off except for a blind man and his dog.
The pilot took advantage of there being no line-up at the
toilets and went to the back of the plane, When he saw the
blind man, he recognized him previous flights. He approached
the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the
plane and stretch your legs?"
"No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would."
A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through
the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog.
Most passengers changed their flight.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two kids are talking to each other. One says,
"I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours
a day to give me a nice home and good food.
My mom spends the whole day cleaning and
cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"
The other kid says, "What have you got to worry
about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"
The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they escape?"
Today, Nov 12, in
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor
shower from a ship off the Florida Keys.
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules
Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also
the designer of the garment that its named after him.
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent
republics.
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the
Soviet Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist
Party leading to Stalin coming to power.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began
between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a
major victory.
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz"
was sunk off the coast of Norway.
1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the
Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL.
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier
Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders
to death.
1953 The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking
out home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim of the
U.S. District Court in Philadelphia.
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor,
closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants
since 1892.
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports
from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage
at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4.
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles
of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth.
1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late
Leonid I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet
Communist Party's Central Committee.
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen
snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first
space salvage.
1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced
to life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his
brother, John A. Walker Jr.
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy
statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to
refuse to treat someone solely because that person
had AIDS or was HIV-positive.
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the
Chrysanthemum Throne.
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission
to dock with the Russian space station Mir.
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq
for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors.
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the
1993 bombing of the World Trade Center.
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form
Daimler-Chrysler AG.
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after
take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300
crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260
people aboard were killed.
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken
Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Northern
Alliance at this point was reported to have control over
most of the northern areas of Afghanistan.
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment
Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of
millions of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002
movie "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man,
the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil.
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A way around the Skype font size problem
Monday, November 11, 2013, 10:48 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 11.
Today is Memorial Day / Veterans Day.
In Canada, that is a statutory holiday and Govt offices
and most companies except stores and restaurants are closed.
A Pittance of Time
On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.
Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent again most of the day sending Thank-You letters,
and don't think I missed anybody. I really do appreciate
your help!
Thank you very much!
DearWebby
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Just in time for Memorial Day / Veterans Day, Alberta has
unveiled the new license plates:
These are just for Alberta. The rest of Canada will,
as usual, have to scramble to catch up. These plates
are not restricted to veterans, but intended to raise
funds for veteran support programs and
to show respect for veterans.
The 2005 Poppy plates are still available too. There are
over 21,000 of those in use so far. Like these, and UNlike
similar plates in other provinces, the Alberta poppy plates
are NOT limited to veterans, but available to anybody
who wants to show respect for veterans,
just like wearing a poppy year round.
Those plates too are fund raisers for veteran support progrms.
>From Thea
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com-
ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.
After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked
these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one
of them?"
Without looking up from his newspaper he replied,
"About 10 years."
He got hit with the remaining ones.
--------------
Cinnamon rolls are easy! I wish I was still allowed to
eat them, but with diabetes, they are a No-No!
Completely thaw out a loaf of frozen bread dough and let
it rise.
Roll it out about 1/4" thick on a tea towel or canvas.
Smear room temperature warm butter on it.
Sprinkle soaked raisins on it
Sprinkle lightly toasted sugar and cinnamon mix on it.
Make a cut in the dough at about 12" intervals.
Use the tea towel to roll up the dough parallel to those
cuts.
Butter baking pans, cut the rolls into 3/4" thick slices
and place them into the pans about 3/4" apart.
Place the pansin a warm area and let the rolls rise again.
After they have risen and the buns touch each other,
put the pans into a 200 Degree C (400 degree F) oven for
five minutes or until the rolls have a "skin" and won't
fall when you take the pans out. Pour a bit of milk or
milk/water mix into the pans, less than 1/4" high.
Put them back in and bake until nice and brown.
Take the pans out of the oven and let the cinnamon buns
cool in the pans. Be careful not to touch them while
still warm. They are extremely addictive at that stage!
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time
of the night?
Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear.
Wife : What? At 2 a.m.?
Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs.
Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her car.
She calls it Frankencar
Click on the picture for the large version
FrankenCar
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Mary Jaggers, Ford Lauderdale, Floriduh
Jailed for Repeatedly Calling 911
To Report "Drunk People Inside Bar"
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Mary Jaggers of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida has been jailed
after she allegedly called 911 to report that there were
drunk people inside the bar she was visiting.
According to police, Jaggers called 911 six different times
to complain that there were drunk people inside Artie's
Sportsman Lounge.
Arriving officers spoke with Jaggers, who demanded the arrest
of everyone inside the bar. A pat down search, however,
revealed that she was in possession of hydrocodone without
a prescription.
Jaggers was taken into custody and no other arrests were made.
At her arraignment hearing on Tuesday, Jagger told the judge
that she repeatedly called police to prevent anyone from
driving home drunk.
"I have a feeling that the mixture between Artie's Bar and
the hydrocodone probably led to count two, the calling of 911,"
said Judge Hurley during the hearing.
Jaggers was booked into jail and charged with misuse of 911
and possession of hyrocodone without a prescription.
Tech Support Pits
From: Elsinore
Re: Skype is OK on old CRT
Dear Webby,
Skype is OK on my old CRT monitor, clssic 4:3 config,
and running 1600 x 1200. Yeah, eat your heart out,
all you sheeple, who got talked into wide monitors,
with the bottom third sawed off!
Skype was originally written for 4:3 monitors, and
when Microsoft bought it and tried to adapt it to
sawed off monitors, they klutzed up.
The problem is in the font scaling. Yeah, I know you
poor sheeple have to go into Advanced and crank the font
zoom to more than 100% to be able to have half decent pix
and still read anything.
Well, go back in there, crank down the resolution, then
crank the font zoom down to 100 or less,
set your settings in Skype, then change everything back.
If you have more than two dozen icons on your desktop, expect
some of them missing and all of them re-arranged.
It doesn't help with reading the contact list. Just catch a
little girl and chain her to your slick wide monitor, and
get to read the contact list for you.
That's probably how they do it at Microsoft.
Elsinore
Dear Elsinore
You are a hoot,
but absolutely correct.
By the way, the Marxist-Stalinist version of Skype
is still trying to sneak in with it's
"Microsoft will update your Skype whenever it suits us,
whether you like it or not."
Be careful about that!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Beeswax For Zippers
To fix a stuck zipper, rub up and down the zipper with
bee's wax. I don't know where I got this idea, but it
works like a charm!
By Virginia B. from Charles City, IA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from
each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he
told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my
grandmother used to repeat, I recited,
"You should never lend anything to your kids, because you
will never get it back."
With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder.
It's my dad's."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Mrs. Jones called the doctor's office and was met with this
response by the secretary. "This is Dr. Whitman's office.
What would you like to talk about?"
Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied
sarcastically, "I want to order a hamburger with fries. For
Christ's sake, why would I call a doctor if I didn't feel
sick? I'm very sick. I need to see the doctor."
"Fine," replied the secretary, "I can make an appointment
for you. Let me see, ahhhh yes, I have an appointment one
week from next Friday."
"Great," said Mrs. Jones, "I'll have my mortician drop me
off then!"
Today, Nov 11, in
1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the
Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown Harbor
near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and equal laws."
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged in
Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising.
1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged
at the Melbourne jail at age 25.
1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being
convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed eight
police officers.
1889 Washington became the 42nd state of the United States.
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany
signed an armistice. This day became recognized as
Veteran's Day in the United States.
1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender
of Germany.
1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in
Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first
electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest and
H.O. Merriman.
1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at
Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding.
1938 Kate Smith first sang Irving Berlin's "God Bless America"
on network radio.
1940 The Jeep made its debut.
1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation
of France.
1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin
and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA.
1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence
from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe.
1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL.
The craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning.
1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to
the South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end
of direct involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military.
1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence
from Portugal.
1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story
John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours.
1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat
Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class
submarine.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans
Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans
Memorial Fund.
1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming
the second largest computer company.(After IBM)
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record
53.9 million dollars in New York.
1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven
bodies buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea
Puente was later charged in the deaths of nine people,
convicted of three murders and sentenced to life in prison.
1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in
16 years to help the nation arrange democratic elections.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in
a letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after
World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others
were still living in his country voluntarily.
1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests.
1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history
theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was
halted later due to local opposition.
1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was
dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served
in the Vietnam War.
1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at
an Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers.
1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled
"The Wall That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica
of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would tour communities
throughout the United States.
1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were laying
off 10,000 employees.
1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded
skywalk. He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the
Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet
apart.
1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement
with the Palestinians.
2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to
fight AIDS in India.
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Sunday, November 10, 2013, 11:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 10.
Monday is Memorial Day / Veterans Day.
In Canada, that is a statutory holiday and Govt offices
and most companies except stores and restaurants will
be closed.
On Tuesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.
Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent again most of the day sending Thank-You letters,
and don't think I missed anybody. I know for some
of you even one dollar is a scarifice, and I really
do appreciate that!
So far I am about three quarters of the way to what will
be needed by Monday.
If you can help, please hit that Donate button!
Thanks!
DearWebby
Congratulations to the few, who were smart and clicked
a $10 donation to Ophelia. She is sliding all donations
from this weekend to me, but any $10 donation also gets
them an annual subscription to the full version of her
newsletter, or a year added on, if they already have
a subscription. If you like Ophelia's newsletter,
Go for it!
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Just in time for Memorial Day / Veterans Day, Alberta has
unveiled the new license plates:
These are just for Alberta. The rest of Canada will,
as usual, have to scramble to catch up. These plates
are not restricted to veterans, but intended to raise
funds for veteran support programs and to show respect
for veterans.
The 2005 Poppy plates are still available too. There are
over 21,000 of them in use so far.
The other day, I had to make a call to the telephone company.
Something was wrong with my bill. I dialed the number listed,
and was astonished. I got the strangest recording. It said,
"You have been connected to the correct department on the
first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up
and redial."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
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Free Trial.
The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you
gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.
"I did? What did I tell you?" asked the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that
big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks
in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of
my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds.'"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Richard Tyler Brandon, 25, Naples, Floriduh
Jailed for getting stuck
in chimney during burglary
Reported by
This guy might have stolen Santa's mode of home invasion,
but he didn't make off with anything else.
The Associated Press reports that Richard Tyler Brandon, 25,
is accused of getting stuck in a chimney during a failed
attempt to burglarize a Naples, Fla. home on Wednesday.
Brandon's alleged accomplice, Derek Grenfell, told Naples
police he tried to warn his friend not to go through with
the ill-conceived heist.
"I said, 'Dude, you're not Santa Claus, what are you doing?'"
Grenfell said, according to police.
Authorities were able to eventually free Brandon, who was
not seriously injured.
"It took us 30 minutes of slowly applying pressure on the
rope and pulling him out gingerly through that 15- to 18-foot
space which obviously seemed like forever," Fire Chief,
Steve McInerny told KSHB.
Brandon is charged with two counts of burglary and Grenfell
is charged with two counts of burglary accessory after the
fact.
Tech Support Pits
From: Susan
Re: Major difference between Skype and Facebook Chat
Dear Webby,
The MAJOR difference between Facebook Chat and Skype is that
Favebook Chat is fixed on a facebook page. You HAVE to keep
that page open, and you can not continue working while you
are waiting for a response.
With Skype, you can move the chat window to the side,
continue working and when the silly ninny or bozo, that
you are chatting with, is responding again, you hear the
ting and can jump back to the chat.
By the way, I agree about the font size failure of Skype.
BOOOOOO!!!!
Microslop obviously can't cope with wide monitors.
Watch out with the current update!
The Marxists have taken over Microslop!
The current update has nearly invisible a line about
making MSN your home page and Bing your search engine.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
And then the Microsloppers tell you that future updates
will be automatic, whether you want them or not!
Do you REALLY want that kinda Marxist-Stalinist shit?
Luckily they screwed up the current update, and it does
not work. Don't click to update, just in case they have
fixed the updater. It will lock you into their
Marxist-Stalinist forced update, which is EEEEVIL!!!!!
I have a VERY bad feeling about that!
Skype was great for thirteen years, but now it is time
to look for alternatives.
Susan
Dear Susan
You are probably right about it being time to look for
alternatives. I agree 100%, that Marxist-Stalinist forced
updates by a company, that can't even fix their fonts,
is not a good idea.
You can see on the first few panels into the update how
badly screwed up they are.
Back out and don't do that update!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Doll High Chair for a Plant Stand
I had a baby doll high chair that wasn't being used. I put
a plant in it, and it makes a good plant stand.
It is so cute!
By Robyn Fed from Hampton, TN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Bill and Doug were getting ready for the company awards
dinner for the best salesman. Bill was in the running to
win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he
looked his best when he claimed his prize.
He felt his luck was with him and was sure to win.
He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the
mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out
and it came crashing down on the floor.
"Oh no," said Bill. "Now I am going to have seven years
bad luck."
"Nonsense," said Doug. My uncle once broke a mirror and he
didn't have seven years bad luck."
"Really?" said Bill, feeling much better knowing that.
"Yeah really," said Doug. "His wife killed him for
breaking her mirror."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.
My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album
one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in
matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all
alike, right down to the baby.
She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed
you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added,
looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four
came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up
any that don't belong to us."
Today, Nov 10, in
775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the
Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence
after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783.
The Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11,
1798.
1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of
dueling.
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found
David Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish
missionary in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous
greeting: "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"
1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of theWhite House
1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan.
1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began
when Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his
counterpart in Alameda, CA.
1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA.
1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism.
1975 The U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution that
equated Zionism with racism. The resolution was repealed
in December of 1991.
1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its
crew of 29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior.
1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been kidnapped
in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused to pay the
cab fare.
1982 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was
opened to visitors.
1988 The U.S. Department of Energy announced that Texas would
be the home of the atom-smashing super-collider. The project
was cancelled by a vote of the U.S. Congress in Oct. 1993.
1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of
marital sexual assault against his wife who sexually
mutilated him. Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of
malicious wounding her husband.
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill,
which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun
purchases.
1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop
enforcing the arms embargo against the Bosnian government
the following week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed
to lifting the ban.
1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the
action would end trade sanctions.
1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro-Wiwa
along with several other anti-government activists.
1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after
a massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The
disaster left 24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead.
1996 Dan Marino (Miami Dolphins) became the first quarterback
in NFL history to pass for more than 50,000 yards. (Florida)
1997 WorldCom Inc. acquired MCI Communication Corporation.
It was the largest merger in U.S. history valued at $37 B.
1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the murder
of two CIA employees in 1993.
1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's
murder conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English
au pair to time served. She had served 279 days in the
death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen.
2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's membership.
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Facebook Chat versus Skype
Saturday, November 9, 2013, 12:24 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 9.
Today I am going to have to ask a favor of you,
actually beg for a little favor. I REALLY need your help
to keep the servers from being shut down on Moday.
Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent all day sending Thank-You letters,
and am about half way to what will be needed by Monday.
It is 01:45 now and I finally get to the Humor Letter.
One subscriber had difficulty with the Canadian Dollar/
US dollar PayPal button, so I made a separate one for
just US dollars at http://webby.com/humor
Here is a funny one for you.
When I was making the new button, I checked the page to
see how it looked. Well, I thought I did. However, because
my eyes were a bit blurry from the hectic writing, I did
not notice that the browser's autocomplete had sent me to
the Blog, the archive.
Naturally, nothing changed at the blog, just on the main
Humor Letter site. So I was frantically editing and pulling
on my hair, and could not figure out why my changes did
not show.
After a few minutes I caught on. DUH!
Yes, the changes do show OK, as you can see just below here.
Again, Thank you very much to all who have sent a donation!
If you have been too busy on Friday, try the new buttons!
Please!
DearWebby
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"A wise man changes his mind, a fool never."
--- Socratex
"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."
--- Andy Warhol
>From Okie
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing
machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in Southern England
to ask its location.
"It's only a stone's throw away from Stoney Beach,"
he was told.
"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.
Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the
broken windows."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Anthony Brinkman, 32, Clayton, Mo
Jailed After Posting Ad On Craigslist
Seeking Someone To Rape His Minor
Daughter While He Watched
Reported by The Weekly Vice
nthony Brinkman, a 32-year-old Missouri man, was jailed
Friday after he allegedly posted an ad on Craigslist seeking
an individual who would be willing to rape his daughter
while he watched.
According to St. Louis Police, an investigation was launched
Wednesday after Brinkman posted an ad on Craigslist seeking
an individual who would be willing to have sex with his
11-year-old daughter while he watched.
Someone who saw the ad clicked the "report abuse" feature
on the site, and the report was forwarded to the Missouri
Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force.
Investigators say a female undercover officer posing
as a 27-year-old woman responded to Brinkman's ad and
discussed his request.
Brinkman reportedly told the officer that he was looking
for someone who would engage in sex with his daughter using
various sex toys. As the conversation continued, Brinkman
told the officer that he wanted her to be his girlfriend
and planned to participate in the assault.
Brinkman agreed to meet the undercover officer at a nearby
Cracker Barrel restaurant. If all went well, Brinkman
planned to bring the officer to his home where the assault
was to take place.
When Brinkman showed up at the restaurant, officers were
surprised to see that he brought the little girl with him.
After Brinkman's arrest, his daughter was released into
the custody of other relatives.
A search warrant was then served at Brinkman's apartment
in Cuba, Missouri. Investigators are awaiting the results
of a forensic examination of his computer.
He was booked into jail and charged with attempted statutory
sodomy. He remains held in lieu of $100,000 bond.
The case remains an open investigation and additional charges
are expected.
Tech Support Pits
From: Tina
Re: Difference between Facebook Chat and Skype
Dear Webby,
What is the difference between Facebook Chat and Skype?
Tina
Dear Tina
FaceBook Chat is 1980's style BASIC chat, like we used to make
with BASICA or GWBASIC. Rude, crude, but it works. No frills,
no settings, and about as secure as an ad in your local paper.
However, FaceBook Chat is Windows compliant and font sizes
change when you change the page zoom with CTRL + Scrollwheel
(or CTR: + /-)
As I said, NO frills. In the 1980s we didn't trasnfer files
on chat. At 3.6 or 7.2 Kbps that was not a good idea. In
those days files were sent by email or FTP.
That is FaceBook Chat.
Now for Skype:
Skype is NO longer Windows compliant. After Microsoft
bought it for $8 Billion, to make sure Google did not
get it, they screwed it up.
You can change the font sizes of the Chat window, but not
for system messages (like "XYZ wants you to add her to your
contact list"), or the contact list, or the Tools, Options
menu tree. The fonts in all that are LOCKED at 1 Millimeter,
if you use resonably high resolution on a wide monitor.
Little girls can read that without straining, but that is
way too small for seniors.
Microsoft IS aware of their screw-up. Lots of people, and
even I myself, have told them, repeatedly.
"Just use a magnifying glass or the magnifyer built into W8."
Well, you can imagine where I told them to stuff that.
Once you have gotten some cute little girl to get your
settings and preferences the way you want them, Skype is OK!
Not as good as before Microsoft screwed it up, but still
quite OK.
The biggest problem with Skype is that System messages like
"XYZ wants you to add her to your contact list" are
unreadable for grown-ups, unless they know where to expect
them to pop up, and have a magnifying glass handy.
That is a real Security Threat. Microsoft doesn't care.
So, be careful when you hear the system sound and see
something pop. Grab a magnifyer to see if you want to
add that person or not. If it is some Nigerian, be careful.
Skype has excellent file transfer facilities. Just drag
a file into the chat window, or paste a picture. Transfer
is very fast, since Skype kinda borrows the broadband
connections in the area. If your ISP has problems, that
is OK, you still get through with Skype and can still
send and receive files.
Skype has a big selection of emoticons.
History is saved by default, and going back ten years
is no problem. You CAN dump the history, though. I usually
trim it to about 5 years.
Voice and video chat among Skype users is free.
You can call landlines and cell phones for about 2 cents
per minute. Used to be one cent, before Microsoft bought
it, but even 2 cents is still a good deal.
As mentioned, they did not screw up the fonts in the
chat window. That is still adjustable, like i has been
for 14 years. Let's hope Microsoft does not find that!
As long as you can cope with the screwed up font sizes
for system messages and settings, Skype is great.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Hanging Craft Projects
This tip helps you get craft projects out of the way while
you are not working on them. Put all the patterns and other
supplies for a craft craft project in a plastic grocery bag
with handles. Then slip each handle of the grocery bag over
a clothes hanger and hang it a closet. You can cross the
handles so the bag won't slip off the hanger. If the handles
still have a tendency to slip, secure them with clothespins.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The steward for the Government Road Construction
Workers Union called the meeting to order.
"Men -- we've agreed on a new deal with the state.
We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!"
"HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered.
"We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!"
"HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared.
"We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of
10 AM!"
"HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered.
"And now, even though 99% of the roads in the
country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll
only have to work on Wednesdays!!"
Silence.
A voice from the back of the room asks,
"You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point
out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over
their long years of marriage.
"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got
just to see how much it's all worth."
"But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were
going to die, so how could you sell it."
"Simple: When my wife finds out I sold it all,
she will kill me!"
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut
training on a Navajo Indian reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across
the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question
which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the
moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message
to the moon with the astronauts.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA
folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message,
they asked the son to translate it. He refused.
So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of
the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's
message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He
reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they
have come to steal your land."
Today, Nov 9, in
1872 - A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA.
1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to
see the progress on the new canal.
1911 - George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent
on neon advertising signs.
1918 - Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would abdicate.
He then fled to the Netherlands.
1923 - In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German
troops that were loyal to the democratic government. The event
began the evening before when Adolf Hitler took control of a
beer hall full of Bavarian government leaders at gunpoint.
1935 - United Mine Workers president John L. Lewis and other
labor leaders formed the Committee for Industrial Organization.
1938 - Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500
Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews,
and rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that
became known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass."
1961 - Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a
world record speed of 4,093 mph.
1963 - In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust
explosion.
1963 - In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash.
1965 - The great Northeast blackout occurred as several
states and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power
failures lasting up to 13 1/2 hours.
1976 - The U.N. General Assembly approved ten resolutions
condemning the apartheid government in South Africa.
1981 - U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week
Rapid Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman
were also involved in the operation.
1981 - The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion
loan to India. It was the highest loan to date.
1984 - A bronze statue titled "Three Servicemen," by
Frederick Hart, was unveiled at the site of the Vietnam
Veterans Memorial in Washington, DC.
1989 - Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing
its citizens to travel freely to West Germany.
1990 - Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a
non-aggression treaty with Germany.
2004 - U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened
Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House to pedestrians.
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How do you chnge folder icons?
Friday, November 8, 2013, 11:14 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 8.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today I am going to have to ask a favor of you,
actually beg for a little favor.
I have been focusing on my work, which includes writing your
Humor Letter, and thought that the server bills were getting
paid by my book keeper. Today I got a letter that stated,
if I don't pay the outstanding $2500 by Monday,
the servers will be turned off.
And, as usual, I am flat broke.
If you can send me a dollar with the PayPal Donate button,
and if enough of you can do that, we will stay online.
I know, some of you don't like PayPal and would rather mail
some pumpkin tarts or Gingerbread cookies, but I also know,
that a few of you might be able to afford two or three
dollars. Please donate what you can to help me to be able
to keep working!
Thank you very much!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"It is more rewarding to watch money change the world
than watch it accumulate."
--- Gloria Steinem
>From Hank a great Classic:
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so
he went before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever
the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the
Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss
the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and
bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd,
"Children are a gift from God," he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in
her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God,
but when we get too much of it, we start wearing rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American
dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized
t-shirt and sunglasses.
The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing
all the way out here dressed like that!?"
"I'm going swimming," the tourist explained.
"But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab
informed him.
"Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle
of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Paula Howard, 50, Kissimmee, Floriduh
Jailed After Prostituting
Three Young Daughters For $20
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Paula Howard, a 50-year-old Florida Woman, was jailed
Thursday after she allegedly offered to sell her three
daughter's for sex.
According to the Osceola County Sheriff's Office, Howard
was arrested when she flagged down an undercover officer
and then offered him her three daughters for sex in
exchange for cash.
Investigators say an undercover officer was posing as a
"John" during a sting operation after the Sheriff's Office
received complaints from other prostitutes about a woman,
who was prostituting her minor daughters in the area.
The undercover officer was standing in front of a bus stop
at around 2:30 p.m. when Howard flagged him down and then
motioned her daughters over to where he was standing. The
three daughters, ages 16, 17, and 18, approached the officer
and offered him his choice of the three girls for sex.
One of the girls agreed to have sex with the officer for
$20, according to the arrest affidavit.
Howard was booked into jail and charged with child abuse,
contributing to the delinquency of a minor, deriving support
from proceeds of prostitution and other related charges. She
remains held in lieu of $36,000 bond.
The girls were taken into protective custody.
Tech Support Pits
From: Amanda
Re: Change folder icons
Dear Webby,
At home I can easily change the icons for folders,
but on my work machine I can't. Do you know a way
around that?
Amanda
Dear Amanda
You may need to install TweakUI or XP Powertoys from
Microsoft. Another way around that is to drag the folder
where it belongs, i.e. anywhere except the desktop,
and make a desktop shortcut to it. Even with a barebones
Windows XP or 98 you can change the icons for shortcuts.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Bathtub with Krud Kutter
We have a very large fiberglass shower unit that had the
ugliest dark stain of unknown origin (probably not been
cleaned in long time) on the bottom part. I had tried
everything I could mix or muster up to use.
Then one day I read on here about the Krud Kutter for
wallpaper removal (BTW great for that zipped 4 layers
in no time). I used the Krud Kutter full strength and
a plastic scrubbie. Every bit of it came out, without
much "elbow grease".
Krud Kutter is well worth the price for a gallon. It cleans
everything and is biodegradable with no obnoxious fumes
either!
Source: ThriftyFun of course!
By Barby B. from Tennessee
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My friend's preparations for a visit from her children
included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's
window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind her,
"My children are in their 20s, and I'm still giving them
money. When does it end?"
"I'm not sure I'm the one to ask," the man said while
glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand,
"I'm here to deposit a check from my mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A famous classic, The Hawaii Bridge
A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle,
and picks it up.
Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting
me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."
The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't
because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick
from claustrophobia. So...I guess, my wish is for you to build
a road from here to Hawaii."
"I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do
that. Just think of all the work involved...think of the huge
pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they
would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think
of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such
a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest
stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."
"Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," the guy
replies. "I'd like to be able to understand women. What
makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental,
why are they so difficult to get along with them...you know,
what makes them tick?"
The genie thinks a second, and then answers,
"Would that bridge be two lanes or four?"
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see
her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual
questions, about symptoms, how long had they
been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:
"Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my
patients these kind of questions: I can tell
what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote
out a prescription, and handed it to her and said,
"There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work,
we'll have to have you put down."
Today, Nov 8, in
1656 Edmond Halley was born. Halley, an astronomer-mathmatician,
was the first to calculate the orbit that was named after him.
The comet makes an appearance every 76 years. Wow! 1656 !
1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The
expedition was lead by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis.
The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of
exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory.
1887 Doc Holliday died at the age of 35. The gun fighting
dentist died from tuberculosis in a sanitarium in
Glenwood Springs, CO.
1889 Montana became the 41st U.S. state.
1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity
discovered the scientific principle involved with high
frequency and took the first X-ray pictures.
1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator.
1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power
in Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be
known as the "Beer-Hall Putsch."
1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive
order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The
organization was designed to create jobs for more than
4 million unemployed people in the U.S.
1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria.
1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S.
and British forces landed in French North Africa.
1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle
took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot
down a North Korean MiG-15.
1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company
decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry
Ford's only son.
1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California.
1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in
California announced that they had discovered a 15th moon
orbiting the planet Saturn.
1981 Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek asserted that Egypt
was "an African State" that was "neither East nor West".
1986 Vyacheslav M. Molotov died at age 96. During World War II,
Molotov ordered the mass production of bottles filled with
flammable liquid later called the "Molotov cocktail."
1987 A bomb planted by the Irish Republican Army exploded
in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland, at a ceremony honoring
Britain's war dead. Eleven people were killed.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop
deployments in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000
soldiers to the multi-national force fighting against Iraq.
1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic
sanctions on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan
civil war.
1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist
violence.
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make way
for the Three Gorges Dam.
2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the winner
of the 2000 U.S. presidential election.
2000 Waco special counsel John C. Danforth released his final
report that absolved the government of wrongdoing in the 1993
seige of the Branch Davidian compound in Texas.
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Thursday, November 7, 2013, 12:55 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 7
Next eye injections will be Nov 13, six days from now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him."
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
The men the American public admire most extravagantly are
the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently
are those who try to tell them the truth.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of
his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury
that acts up once in a while."
Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000
on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the
television."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
The company my brother worked for had a phone system that
rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a
certain line while he was working late, he knew it would
be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the
phone rang, he would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline.
I'm sorry, but you've dialed the wrong number."
The caller would often reply with something like, "But I
didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I
dialed the wrong.... Oh!" (Click.)
Red sky in the morning over my back yard (East) a few
days ago. Quite predictably, it brought snow.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Rochelle Lynn Sapp, 33,
Charged With Smashing Little Girl's Skull
Over Coat, Girl Dies Two Days Later
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Rochelle Lynn Sapp, a 33-year-old Iowa woman, faces an
upgrade in charges after the little girl she put into the
hospital died from her injuries.
According to police, an investigation was launched late
last month after 3-year-old Autumn Elgersma arrived at
Sioux Falls Childrens Hospital with a fractured skull and
brain swelling.
Sapp, who was watching the little girl at her in-home
daycare, called the girl's mother at work and told her that
her daughter had fallen down a flight of stairs and injured
her head.
Doctors examining the girl determined that her injuries were
not consistent with Sapp's story.
During a second round of questioning, Sapp reportedly admitted
to injuring the girl by throwing her to the ground when she
refused to take off her coat.
Sapp was booked into jail and charged with willful injury to
a child and child endangerment resulting in serious injury.
Autumn Elgersma died from her injuries two days later. Since
the abuse has now resulted in the child's death, prosecutors
will re-examine the case and likely file new charges.
Tech Support Pits
From: US CERT
Re: Crypto-Locker Ransom Ware
Dear Webby,
The National Cyber Awareness System made an announcement
about the new CryptoLocker Ransomware Infections.
CryptoLocker is a new variant of ransomware that restricts
access to infected computers and demands the victim provide
a payment to the attackers in order to decrypt and recover
their files. As of this time, the primary means of infection
appears to be phishing emails containing malicious
attachments.
While victims are told they have three days to pay the
attacker through a third-party payment method (MoneyPak,
Bitcoin), some victims have claimed online that they paid
the attackers and did not receive the promised decryption
key. US-CERT and DHS encourage users and administrators
experiencing a ransomware infection NOT to respond to
extortion attempts by attempting payment and instead to
report the incident to the FBI at the
Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3).
Do not follow unsolicited web links in email messages or
submit any information to webpages in links
Use caution when opening email attachments.
If your computer IS infected with CryptoLocker, it is going
to get expensive, or tedious. Most likely you will have to
format and re-install.
If you notice the infection, immediately disconnect from
external drives and networks, yes, cloud storage too.
They might not be infected yet.
Run a full scan with a reputable anti-virus program like
McAfee. NO, not the free stuff that allowed this infection
to happen!
If too many system files have already been encrypted, a scan
can only detect that, but can't reverse that.
Try to do a system restore to a week or more in the
past. It might not let you do that, but it's worth a try.
If you can't, print out all registration keys and program
download URLs, passwords and anything you will need after
re-installing Windows. Find your Windows CD or contact your
computer vendor about it. On some machines a restore copy
is in a hidden partition, that MIGHT still be usable after
the attackers lock up the machine. You will probably need
help from the computer vendor to do that. Print out the
contact info for them.
It would not hurt at all to prepare all that info, even
if your machine is not infected. If you are prepard,
then most likely nothing bad will happen.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Vinegar and Baking Soda for
Clogged Disposal
My garbage disposal got clogged after I drained cooked rice
into it. I tried to use a plunger to clear the clog but it
did not work. While browsing Google for an answer, I came
across ThriftyFun and the advice to use vinegar, baking
soda with hot water. It worked like a miracle. In less
than 5 minutes, it was cleared with plunging 2-3x.
Thanks a lot.
By acmg1992
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was
giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate
the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day.
She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to
cook up another batch.
She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her
concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the
guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as
the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center.
They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A friend, working in a gas station, was doing some minor
repairs on a ladies vehicle. Before the car was removed from
the rack, she asked him to rotate all the wheels so that the
valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle,
he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onto the
work sheet that she had to take up to the front.
An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an
examination of his circulatory system. When he got home,
his wife asked what had happened.
He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and
up into my heart, and then they sucked out fifty years
of chocolate cake."
Today, Nov 7, in
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader
in the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts
Bay Colony for heresy.
1665 "The London Gazette" was first published.
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated by
William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or (Tippecanoe).
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy
was shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while
trying to protect his printing shop from a third destruction.
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized
as an elephant in a cartoon by T. Nast in Harper's Weekly.
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by
Albert H. Hook.
1893 The state of Colorado granted women the right to vote.
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first
transcontinental railway in the mountains of BC.
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The
provisional government of Alexander Kerensky was
overthrown by forces led by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.
1932 "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" was broadcast for
the first time on CBS Radio.
1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from
Pennsylvanian "Blue Laws."
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in
Washington state collapsed during a windstorm. The
suspension bridge had opened to traffic on July 1, 1940.
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first
person to win a fourth term as president.
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television ads.
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland,
OH, becoming the first black mayor of a major city.
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that
college students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would
lose their draft deferments.
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of
the War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power
to wage war without congressional approval.
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of
Justice. The siege claimed the lives of 100 people,
including 11 Supreme Court Justices. The Palace had been
seized by leftist guerrillas belonging to the April 19
Movement.
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown.
He had been president since the country's independence
in 1956.
1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde.
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia,
becoming the first elected African-American state governor
in U.S. history.
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's
first African-American mayor.
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow
on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution.
1991 Actor Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, pled no
contest to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been
arrested in Sarasota, FL, for exposing himself in a theater.
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men
admitted to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl.
1999 Tiger Woods became the first golfer since Ben Hogan
in 1953 to win four straight tournaments.
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first
president's wife to win public office. The state of
New York elected her to the U.S. Senate. (New York)
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched.
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying
commercially. Briefly.
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Why use multipliers on data?
Wednesday, November 6, 2013, 01:00 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 6
My eye injections have been postponed. I'll tell you
once I find out the new date.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross
that bridge when he comes to it.'
--- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)
Mohammed Elbiary, an advisor to Obama and to the
Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and on record as
an admirer of the late Ayatollah Khomenei, who ordered
the hostage taking in Teheran, wrote this week that the
US Constitution is sharia-compliant and won't need to be
completely scrapped.
Now doesn't that make your day?
Speaking of @#$%^&, I saw this on the front page of Metro UK:
Details of the perverts were automatically sent to police
in the areas, where the perverts live. Credit card info too,
of course. I hope the Sweetie robot first maxed out their
credit cards, so that they could not tangle with other kids!
Imagine them trying to get a refund,
and told to go to the police :D
Click on the picture for the large version
Picture of Sweetie, the pervert catching robot.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
>From Ed
The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual
thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his
brand new set of golf clubs into the lake.
A few minutes later he came back, waded into the
lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take
his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs
back into the water.
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Here is a pic I took a week or so ago from inside my screened
in front porch during a rain.
I love the ethereal quality.
Noella
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Asher Vongtau, 19, NY, NY
Stuck NYU student Asher Vongtau was
drinking and fell into crevice between
buildings, he tells cops
Reported by NY Daily News
The NYU student who was rescued Sunday night after being
trapped for 36 hours in a space between two Lower Manhattan
buildings told cops he was drinking at a party and later
slipped and fell into the gap, police sources said.
Asher Vongtau, 19, wound up wedged between a NYU dormitory
at 80 Lafayette St. and a next-door garage. He suffered
broken ribs and a fractured skull, police sources said.
Police said they believe Vongtau walked through a service
exit that’s only accessible through the first floor of
the dorm at 80 Lafayette St. He then walked up a metal
staircase to the second-floor level, then hopped a railing
and stepped onto a landing for the adjacent building.
He fell off that landing.
Asher Vongtau, 19, was found about 5 p.m. wedged at the
bottom of the narrow shaft between the NYU dormitory at
80 Lafayette St. and a parking garage, fire officials said.
His family had been frantic. “My son is the most responsible
kid in the world,” Vongtau’s distraught mother, Habiba Vongtau,
told the Daily News Sunday night as she traveled by Greyhound
from her Pittsburgh home.
Somebody will have to tell Habiba that "the most responsible
kid in the world” may have to cut down on the drinking, or
she will be billed for rescues and damages.
Rescue workers saved Vongtau by breaking through
a cinderblock wall.
Tech Support Pits
From: Norma
Re: Why use multipliers on data?
Dear Webby,
Why would somebody use a multiplier on data and cheat and
manipulate them like Al Gore? I find that highly unethical
and to even tell people, how to do that!
Norma
Dear Norma
Simmer down!
Using a consistent multiplier for a range of data does not
manipulate them. That trick is used to make them visible.
The main thing is to use a consistent multiplier throughout.
Let me give you an example.
On my Sugar & Weight chart, the sugar values are between
6 and 15.
My weight is between 188 and 198
Now, quite obviously the sugar and the weight values can't
be used as is. If the sugar values are, for example, between
6 and 15 cm (2.4 inch - 6 inch), then using the same scale,
the weight would be 188 cm - 198 cm (74 inch - 77 inch)
Obviously, that would look silly.
So I use a formula that subtracts 180 from the weight and
uses the left over 8 to 18 for the graph.
Since I do that for EVERY day of the year, the graph is
quite true. It shows the daily variations in my weight.
I use the weight as a background AREA style, and superimpose
the morning, noon, evening and night sugar values as bar
graphs. If you are not familiar with graphs, that looks
like a city with highrise buildings in four colors,
in front of a background of mountains. The mountains are
my weight. I use a graduated color for them, green at the
bottom turning to red the higher they are.
If my weight gets into the red, I have to fast.
When used honestly, not to try and proove a wacky concept
and make you feel guilty, graphs can be very helpful.
Graphs have been around for a long time, and to be honest,
I liked them more BEFORE they were dumbed down for Windows.
In good old DOS graphs had a text file with all the ranges
and settings, and there was no mushy mousing around.
They ar easy to get used to and fun, once you get started
with them.
Here you see a clip
from my Sugar & Weight
graph. The doctor had
told me to stop the
Furosemide. So I did
at the end of October.
You see what
happened to my
weight!
And you see what
happend on Nov 4,
when I started
taking that again.
You can't beat
graphs for
visualizing changes
and to alert you
to them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Place Line Dried Clothes In
The Dryer To Soften Up
To save on utilities and clothes softener, I line dry many
clothes in the house then put them in the dryer on air
fluff. It's amazing how soft they become.
By Maria Elena from Gwynedd Valley, PA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The young teacher of the earth science class was
lecturing on map reading. After explaining about
latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher
asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for
lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45
degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?"
After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his
answer,
"I guess you'd be eating alone.
I can't swim THAT far!
45 degrees West is in the middle of th Atlantic."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Betty-Sue passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911.
The operator said they would send someone out right
away and asked,
"Where do you live?"
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said,
"How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you
can meet us there?"
A lady was driving from her husband's office to the
kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when
she blew past a red light, and a police car.
Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer
turned on the noisy whoop-whoops and flashing lights
and pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured
her on traffic safety, and finished by saying,
"Lady, don't you know when to stop?"
Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman
said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!"
Today, Nov 6, in
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth
president of the United States.
1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of
the Confederacy in the U.S.
1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of
Indian miners in South Africa.
1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of
Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres.
1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver.
1935 Edwin H. Armstrong announced his development of
FM broadcasting.
1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll
in the Pacific Ocean.
1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that
condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies.
1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow
250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971.
1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March,
a mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that
march into the nation of Western Sahara.
1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst,
sending a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa
Falls Bible College in Georgia.
1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over
northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents
to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban
resisters to the U.S-led invasion.
1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19
Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota.
1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced in
Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to being
the head of a family spy ring.
1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by
the Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S.
had been secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to
secure the release of seven American hostages.
1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran,
the U.S. announced that it would unfreeze $567 million
in Iranian assets that had been held since 1979.
1991 Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil
fires ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War.
1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop
Britain's queen as their head of state.
2001 Ten people were executed in Beijing, China. The state
newspaper of China said that all of the people executed
were robbers and killers aged 20-23.
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How do you use a fixed multiplier in a spreadsheet?
Tuesday, November 5, 2013, 12:29 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 5.
My Eye injections have been postponed for some
other day. I will tell you the exat date, when I find out.
For the past 60 years, conventional medical authorities
have warned that saturated animal fats cause heart disease
and should be severely restricted in a heart-healthy diet.
Well, when I had a major heart attack, I stopped believing
their BS. After all, the 100+ year old dudes in Nepal are
taking a spoon full of butter and a chunk of rock salt with
each cup of tea, and they drink lots of tea.
Yes, you got it, the eggspurts also get right hysterical
about salt. When I was in the hospital, they didn't allow
me to have ANY salt.
As soon as I got back home, I started using salt, and soon
started to heal and and so I promptly increased my use of
butter and salt.
Now the medical big-shots are starting to admit, that the
Animal Fat Scare is totally bogus.
I would not be surprised if the vegetarians, who cobbled
together that theory, died in their fourties or fifties.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
When you build bridges you can keep crossing them.
--- Rick Pitino
You're supposed to trust friends. You have no reason to
be his friend? That is part of the pleasure of friendship:
trusting without absolute evidence and then being
rewarded for that trust.
--- David Shore
A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk
when a co-worker comes up.
"Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks.
"Sorry," the man says, "I can't."
"Why not?"
"The doctor tells me I can't play."
"Oh," says the co-worker, "he's been out with you, too?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
The bank manager noticed the new clerk wasn't good at
counting money or adding up figures.
"Where did you get your finance education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
Click on the picture for the large version
Creationists are getting right noisy about this hammer,
that they claim was in Cretaceous rock, in London, Texas
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Michelle Lucus, 46, Ocala, Floriduh
Jailed After Molesting Friend's 6-year-Old
Son Inside Gas Station Restroom
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Michelle Lucus, a 46-year-old Florida woman, was jailed
Wednesday after she allegedly molested a friend's 6 year
old son inside a gas station restroom.
According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, a trip
to the local gas station became a living nightmare for a
6-year-old boy when she reportedly pulled him into the
gas station's restroom and performed a sex act on him.
During a forensic interview, the child stated that he and
Lucus had walked to a nearby Chevron gas station to pick
up a few things for the family when the incident occurred.
Once Lucus and the boy entered the store, Lucus allegedly
invited the boy into a bathroom with her. When the boy
refused, Lucus grabbed him by the arm and forced him into
the bathroom.
Once inside, Lucus allegedly locked the door, pulled down
the boy's pants and proceeded to perform oral sex on him.
Lucus and the boy then left the gas station and walked to
a friend's home for a few minutes. After leaving the friend's
home, Lucus allegedly walked the boy back to the gas station
and attempted to get him to go back into the restroom. When
the boy refused, Lucus became angry, purchased and order of
chicken wings and then returned the boy to his home.
The boy later told his father about the incident, who
reported it to police.
During questioning, Lucus admitted to entering the restroom
with the boy but claimed that she couldn't remember what
happened next.
She was booked into the Marion County Jail and charged with
sexual battery on a child under the age of 12 and false
imprisonment of a child under the age of 13.
Tech Support Pits
From: Hanna
Re: Fixed multiplier in a spreadsheet
Dear Webby,
I know there is a way to do it, but can't find out how.
I need to use a formula to pad values for a graph, so that
the lines are "in the same ballpark" and not right off the
page. I don't want the multiplier (.4) on each row, but
just at one central location, so that I can easily update
it. Yeah, I know, you shoed us once before, many years ago.
Thanks
Hanna
Dear Hanna
Usually the Cell A1 is free, since the headers start at B1.
Put 0.4 into cell A1, or any other free and convenient cell.
Then in the cell D2, or where you want the padded result of
whatever you got in C2, put:
in Quattro
+C2*$A$1
or in Excel
=C2*$A$1
The $A nails the source to THAT particular column,
and the $1 nails it to THAT particular row,
instead of adjusting it as you copy that formula
down the page.
For those of you new to spreadsheets, if you copy a formula
from, for example cell D2 to all the cells below it down
to D200, it adjusts. The C2, the data source, becomes
C3 in the next line, then C4, all the way to C100.
Since you want the formula to NOT use the dates, that you
have in the A column, but just look at what you got in A1,
or Z1, or wherever you got the multiplier, you nail that
part of the formula down with the $.
You can, if you want, nail just the column or just the row.
Whichever one is nailed with the $, will always be looked
up in THAT spot.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Microwave Bananas To
Eliminate Fruit Flies
To eliminate getting fruit flies from bananas try this tip.
When you bring home bunches of bananas, put the bunch in
the microwave for 10 seconds. I have used this method for
years and it has been wonderful in eliminating fruit flies
in my kitchen.
By FrugalCA from CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you!
It makes you look ten years younger."
"Then I don't want it," retorted the matronly customer.
"I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I
take off my hat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Here is one of my all time favorites, that just came back
to me:
"Information? I need the number of Causeway Insurance Company."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. That's C as in cadence.
A as in aye.
U as in up.
S as in sea.
E as in eye.
W as in why.
A as in are.
Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir.
I'll connect you with my supervisor."
>From Baba
Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning
tomorrow at 07:41:23 am, e.s.t.
God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of
them ARE hypersensitive.
God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even
though they're usually NOT my fault.
God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need
some help, please feel free to ASK me!
Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it
EXACTLY right.
God help me to take things more seriously, especially
laughter, parties, and dancing.
God give me patience, and I mean right NOW!
Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell
that correctly?)
God, help me to finish everything I sta
God, help me to keep my mind on one th
-- Look, a bird -- ing at a time.
God help me to do only what I can, and trust you
for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?
Lord keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.
Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.
Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second
thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.
Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.
Today, Nov 5, in
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed
when he was captured before he could blow up the English
Parliament. Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th
in Britain to celebrate his failure to blow up all the
members of Parliament and King James I.
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful
cataract operation at the Zoological Garden.
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for
an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four
years later.
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli.
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented
third term in office.
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of
Representatives at the age of 29.
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during
the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later.
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement
at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland.
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale
of weapons to Iran.
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong
evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child
(Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight
champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th
round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed
up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town.
1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by
delegates from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany.
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer
Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint
venture specializing in airline services.
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people and wounded 30 others.
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Sorting address lists with addresses, names and comments
Monday, November 4, 2013, 11:41 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 4.
Tomorrow, Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats
if you get 'em laminated.
--- Jeph Jacques,
Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men
trying to find easier ways to do something.
--- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)
"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God,
then we will be a nation gone under."
--- Ronald Reagan
"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're
ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so."
--- Ronald Reagan
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed.
Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
This year's Halloween the University tracked Trick-or-Treaters
according to their star signs and found the following:
Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first.
Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates.
Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes
costumes and goes around again.
Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other
trick-or-treaters.
Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out
because someone else had the same idea.
Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a
bookkeeper.
Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a
costume.
Scorpio isn't in it for the candy.
Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town.
Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good
candy and the optimal route to take.
Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and
spends all night tinkering when it shorts.
Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Michael James, Pascal, 45
Off Duty pilot Jailed for groping
14 year old girl passenger
Reported by The Smoking Gun
An off-duty pilot traveling on a Delta Air Lines flight
Saturday allegedly groped the buttocks of a sleeping
14-year-old girl who was seated next to him and flying as
an unaccompanied minor, The Smoking Gun has learned.
Michael James Pascal, 45, was named yesterday in a felony
complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Salt Lake City,
Utah. Pascal, who works as a Delta Connection pilot, was
charged with abusive sexual contact on an aircraft.
According to FBI Agent Cameron Smilie, Pascal and the
teenage victim were traveling on Delta Flight #855, which
departed Detroit at 5:45 PM Saturday and arrived in Salt
Lake City about three hours later.
The girl, who was on crutches due to an injured foot,
boarded the flight early, and was seated next to the window
in row 44. Pictured above, Pascal, a “non-revenue ticketed
passenger,” sat in the row’s middle seat.
As detailed in the complaint, the girl (who is only
identified by her initials, “R.S.”) told investigators that
after having a short conversation with Pascal about her
injury, “I made sure I had the armrest down because I usually
feel uncomfortable when people get to close to me.”
The teenager said she later fell asleep in a seated position
“with her legs pulled close to her chest and her feet on her
seat.” When she awoke, the girl recalled, she noticed
Pascal’s hand “under the left cheek of her buttocks.”
The hand, she noted, was “far enough under her buttocks that
his fingers were touching her inner thigh.”
Agent Smilie reported that the girl described feeling Pascal’s
hand as “being palm up and feeling him gripping her buttocks
but not moving.” The armrest between her and Pascal “was in
the upright position” and some of Pascal’s body weight was
on her.
Pascal’s eyes were open and he “was clearly awake,” the
teenager told investigators.
The girl said that she elbowed Pascal in the right arm and
yelled, “What the hell are you doing?”
After being struck by the teenager, Pascal “quickly pulled
his hand out from under R.S.,” Smilie noted.
“I’m sorry I’m sorry I was asleep, I have to use the bathroom,”
Pascal told the girl, according to the criminal complaint.
After pressing the call button to summon a flight attendant,
the girl left her seat and contacted a member of the flight
crew (who moved the child to the plane’s last row).
After the plane landed in Utah, Pascal was interviewed by
law enforcement officials. He claimed to have fallen asleep
with his hands in his lap, but did not recall “where his
hands were when he was awoken” by the girl’s thrown elbow
and her “What the hell are you doing?” demand.
Pascal said that it “may be possible for his hand to have
fallen in the minor’s seat while he was asleep.”
When asked why he raised the armrest between him and the
girl, Pascal explained that the male passenger in the aisle
seat “was taking some of the space.” He added that the girl
“was smaller and was not taking as much room in her seat.”
In custody since his arrest, Pascal appeared this afternoon
in federal court, where a magistrate scheduled a detention
hearing for Friday afternoon.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ariane
Re: Sort addresses alphabetically
Dear Webby,
I have a fairy large list of addresses, but they are all
in the order, that I added them. That makes it almost
impossible to find any certain address before my eyes go
funny. How can I sort them alphabetically?
Oh, by the way, I have each address on a line, and on the
same line, after a comma, the name, and after another comma,
some comment.
Ariane
Dear Ariane
Paste your addresses into a plain text file, and import that
into a spreadsheet, like for example Excel.
You can get Excel 2000 at eBay or Amazon for very little,
and the 2000 version is favored by most people over the newer
versions anyway.
Excel will help you import that text file and split it into
columns, where the commas had separated your data. That is
called CSV (Comma Separated Values).
Now put the cursor into the left top, hold down SHIFT,
click onto the right bottom of the data to select all the
data, all columns.
Click on Data, Sort
The default will be the leftmost column, but you can choose
the second column, where you have the names.
Click OK and it is done.
As a fringe benefit, you can put the cursor onto the top
email address, hit F2, and Enter.
It becomes clickable, and call your email program, with
that address already filled into the TO line.
I am not sure if all email programs do that, but Eudora
has been doing that since at least 1993.
Just run down the list with one finger on the F2 and one
on the ENTER, and all your addresses become clickable.
You can re-sort your data. Select ALL Columns,
not just the first one,
Data, Sort,
select sort criteria, and OK.
In the 80's on the good ol 8088 computers, you could actually
watch it sort, and a long list somtimes took 5 - 6 seconds.
Nowadays it will sort any length of list instantly.
Save your nicely sorted list under a new name occasionally,
for example list-Nov2013.xls
If you sort the list by selecting just one column, and can't
revert with CTRL Z, or closing without saving, then the
list is pretty well trashed. Then it is nice to be able to
get your safety copy. They don't take much space.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Inexpensive Shampoo to
Clean Bathtub Rings
I have found that using an inexpensive shampoo when cleaning
rings from the bathtub, that the rings and soap scum will
come right off.
Source: I learned this from ThriftyFun.
By Jane from Smackover, AR
In the 70's there was a Cheech and
Chong record, in which the parents got so annoyed by their
kids, that they moved, while the kids were in school.
"...an dey took EVERYting but de ring around de tub!"
I buy dish soap by the Gallon at Costco and fill regular
dispensors from it. One quick squirt while the tub is
filling not only prevents a "ring around de tub", but
provides a very cheap bubble bath, that keeps the water
insulated and hot longer.
Actually, I am using an additional trick for that. Instead
of a duct for the hot air to a register just past the tub,
I am using the space between tub and floor as a duct. The
tub metal is always very nice and warm, except in summer,
when the heat is turned off.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A hunting guide got himself into an embarassing fix.
His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and
they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you
were the best guide in Montana!" they asserted.
"I am," he said, "but I think we're in Alberta now."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the
first time. He was struggling with the language and
didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on.
Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got
lost, but eventually got back on track and found the
place. Having arrived late, the church was already
packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick
someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow
the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they
sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary
recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the
missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down,
he sat down. When the man held the cup and bread for
the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During
the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing.
He just sat there and tried to look just like that man
in the front pew.
Then he perceived that the preacher was giving
announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if
the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit
clapped too. Then the preacher said some words that he
didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand
up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the
entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked
around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat
down.
After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door
shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the
missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the
preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you
don't speak Spanish."
The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't. It's that
obvious?"
"Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the
Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would the
proud father please stand up."
Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints and problems, known as
"squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution
recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas
is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4
propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF often inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Pilot's seat does not recline.
S: Reklinsch to schnoozing persition OK affer
removing fergotten blottle of rum.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Today, Nov 4, in
1846 The patent for the artificial leg is granted to
Benjamin Palmer.
1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register.
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the
lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen.
1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality
stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy
allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents.
1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first air-
conditioned car was put on display.
1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to supress the
uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956.
1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to exceed
300 mph when she went 308.5 mph.
1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and
took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants,
mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah
back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later released,
but 52 were held for the next 14 months.
1985 Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was
returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had
been kidnapped by the CIA.
1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of
East Berlin in a pro-democracy rally.
1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight
a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait.
1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old,
was assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after
attending a peace rally.
1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against
the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The
sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused
to turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with
masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies
in Kenya and Tanzania.
2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and
thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture
of sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba
received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S.
in nearly 40 years.
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File list into spreadsheet, alphabetically
Sunday, November 3, 2013, 12:25 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 3.
Next Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
If you have not turned back your clocks yet, today is the
day to turn all your clocks back an hour. Europe went onto
Winter Time a couple of weeks ago, but Bush gave us a couple
of weeks more of summer time. As far as i am concerned,
I would be happy with summer time all year long.
About the CF (Curly-pig-tail Fluorescent lamps, that so
many commented about, they do indeed require a lot more
resources and electricity to make, but they only cost less
than a quarter in China. The reason they cost so much more
here is because the sheeple have been brainwashed into
believing they are worth it, and because thanks to the
brainwash, the merchants get away with charging that much
more. Once people smarten up and stop falling for the lies,
the price will come down.
Some merchants still sell the regular incandescent lightbulbs,
even though they make a lot less on them.
Sylvania is still making Billions of them.
In the USA! And in Canada.
Not everybody is gullible enough to pay the outrageous
prices for the imported CF lamps.
If your hardware store does not sell incandescent lightbulbs,
go to Sylvania-Where-to-buy and punch in your zip code.
Once the cost of the Chinese CF bulbs comes down, I might
try them again, but until then, I am buying Northamerican made
incandescent bulbs.
If any sleazy salesperson tells you, that incandescent bulbs
are no longer made, tell them that they are full of poodle
crap and are lying to you.
Sylvania has ACTIVE plants in
Beverly, MA
Danvers, MA
Drummondville, Quebec
Exeter, NH
Hillsboro, NH
Manchester, NH
Mississauga, Ontario
St. Marys, PA
Versailles, KY
Wellsboro, PA
Winchester & Lexington, KY
If you get near any of those towns, go on a guided tour
and send me some pictures to show everybody!
Sylvania is my favorite, but is just one of a bunch of
companies, that make incandescent lightbulbs.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory
as the wish to forget it.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a
28-ounce water pump.
"A what?" says the confused parts guy.
"My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump,
he even wrote it down for me."
"A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?"
"A Datsun."
As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump"
the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got
28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce
water pumps too."
"Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called
that knew what I was talking about."
"Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts
warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like
a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down
customer pick-up, Datsun 280Z water pump, part number . .
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam
consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas
the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam
would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish.
Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught
trout.
The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful
fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and
observe.
So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off
in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake,
Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see
how it was done.
Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite,
lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the
lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to
surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden.
When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began
yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in
jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the
book!"
Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick
of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap
of the game warden with these words: "Your turn!"
------------------
When i was working as a fishing guide on Tincup Lake in
the Yukon in 1971, I told that joke to every boatload of
customers. Believe it or not, about half of them asked
if I had any dynamite along.
Thanks to Chris for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Calgary, Nov 1/2013
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jennifer Vargas, 33, San Antonio, Texas
Jailed for ripping her son's
scrotum during anger fit
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jennifer Vargas, a 33-year-old Texas woman, was jailed last
Wednesday after she allegedly ripped open her 6-year-old
son's scrotum during an angry fit, then attempted to mend
it with super glue.
According to police, an investigation was launched last week
when a 6-year-old boy arrived at the hospital with a 1.5 inch
tear in his scrotum that had been glued back together with
super glue.
Investigators say the boy's mother, Jennifer Vargas, was
angry when she grabbed her son's testicles and pulled on
them. The boy suffered a 1.5 inch tear to his scrotum and
a bruised penis as a result.
During a police interview, Vargas told detectives that she
"treated" the injury by cleaning it with alcohol and then
using super glue to close the wound. Vargas then stuffed
the boy's underwear with toilet paper and sent him to bed.
The boy's trauma was later discovered when his father found
him crying in his bedroom and found blood in his underwear.
The boy was taken to the hospital where he went into
immediate emergency surgery.
Vargas was booked into jail and charged with assault causing
bodily injury. The case moves forward to a grand jury where
an indictment or formal charges are pending.
The boy's father has announced that he will be seeking a
divorce from Vargas before she swings him around by his
family jewels.
Tech Support Pits
From: Cookie
Re: File list into spreadsheet
Dear Webby,
I HAVE paid attention and know how to turn a file name in
a spreadsheet into a clickable link. What I still need to
learn is how to get all the file names from a folder into
a spreadsheet, in alphabetical order.
Cookie
Dear Cookie
Fund the folder with the File Explorer and highlight the
folder name. Hold down SHIFT and right-click it.
Select "Open Command Window Here".
Yeah, I know, that is a top secret left-over from somebody
troubleshooting Windows during it's construction.
Once you have the DOS prompt showing the name of that folder,
type dir /b and hit Enter
It will instantly show you the files in alphabetical order.
Right-click and select Mark
Smear the file names with the mouse and hit Enter.
That puts them into the clip-board.
Now jump to the spreadsheet and put the cursor where you
want the topmost file name, and hit CTRL V
That pastes them right where you want them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making a Tighter Prettier Bow
It is almost that time of year we seem to make or attempt to
make bows for Christmas. My tip is that you can get a much
tighter bow and a prettier bow if, when finishing, you
twist the whole bow instead of the wire. I don't know why
the bow teachers didn't use this method for finishing bows.
Doing it this way is also easier on your hands.
By Janette
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to
my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the
look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their
box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated
ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my
fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client
had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the
woman leaned forward and whispered,
"I didn't know they had to be baptized."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical
exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How
old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 98."
The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 98. How do you stay so
healthy? You look like a 60 year old."
The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact
when we got married that whenever she got mad she
would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would
go outside to settle down."
"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
Today, Nov 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of
Lisa Gherardini to paint her:The Mona Lisa.
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts
Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate
himself to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity.
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
Britain did not like China restricting the Opium trade and
forced China to allow Britain to trade as much opium in
China as they want.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at
LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger.
1900 The first automobile show in the United States opened
at New York's Madison Square Garden.
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia.
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis
Chevrolet and William C. Durant.
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the
Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S.
1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time
in a supermarket in Chester, NY.
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the
second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the
first to put a mammal into space, a dog named Laika.
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March
29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach the planet
Mercury.
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot
to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally
in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded.
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first
broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the
release of seven American hostages. The story turned into
the Iran-Contra affair.
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of
arms to Iran.
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning
her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that
the children had been abducted by a black carjacker.
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at
Arlington National Cemetery to the 270 victims of
the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103.
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former
pro wrestler, as its governor.
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft
constitution was unveiled. They don't use theirs either.
2013 smiled
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Why is Windows 7 slowing down?
Saturday, November 2, 2013, 10:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 2.
Next Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing.
--- Michael Pritchard
The world is a tragedy to those who feel,
but a comedy to those who think.
--- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797)
Always do what you want, and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind.
--- Dr. Suess
My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state
trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia.
Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked
when the trooper walked up to the car.
"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the
officer.
"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot you down?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial.
Thanks to Kati for this story:
A canibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a
restaurant opened by a fellow canibal.
Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu.
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.
The canibal called the waiter over and asked,
"Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, Kingsport, Tennessee
Jailed for Repeatedly hitting
boyfriend with his truck
Reported by The Smoking Gun
After an evening out drinking, a Tennessee woman became so
angry with her live-in boyfriend for failing to make a
McDonald’s pit stop that she struck him three times with
his own vehicle.
Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, Santiago Hernandez, 41, and a
second man were traveling in Hernandez’s truck early
Thursday morning when Brooks got mad because “they didn’t
stop at McDonald’s,” according to a Kingsport Police
Department report.
Brooks demanded that Hernandez pull over. When he complied,
Brooks licked him out of his truck, replaced him in the
driver’s seat of the Chevrolet S-10. While Hernandez was
standing in front of the truck, Brooks drove into him,
knocking the father of her child to the ground. She then
“pulled forward and struck him 2 more times with the
truck,” police charge.
A responding officer noted that Hernandez had abrasions
on his arm and back, and his “clothing appeared torn,
consistent with being dragged on the pavement.”
Brooks denied plowing into Hernandez, claiming that he had
actually jumped on the truck’s hood.
Seen in the above booking photo, Brooks was arrested for
aggravated assault and booked into the Sullivan County jail,
where she remains in custody.
Drunk driving charges may be added.
Tech Support Pits
From: Gene
Re: W7 Slow-Down
Dear Webby,
I enjoy your letter every day except when you go to get
your eyes pierced! My problem is with my laptop running W7
professional. It has gotten very slow in all operations and
when I open Disk cleaner it runs for a short time and then
says memory dump error. I am stumped as to where to go. I
have run crap cleaner- no help. Where can I go from here?
Thanks for your input
Gene R.
Dear Gene
That is very common, and contrary to popular opinion, not
Microsoft trying to make you feel sorry for not buying extra
copies of XP, when they were still available.
And no, they are not trying to chase you to W8.1 either.
That has even worse problems.
The solution is actually surprisingly simple.
Close all not currently in use web pages, especially
if they have Adobe Flash on it.
Yes, I know, bookmarks are often unreliable, and the
temptation to leave tabs open, if you think, you might have
more time to study those pages later, is very great.
Just open a spreadsheet or NoteTab, and paste the URL in
there, and maybe even add some comments.
The sad fact is that if your W7 is updated to the minute,
and if your Adobe Flash is updated too, then you either have
to put up with a slow klunker acting like you were on a
really sad hillbilly fence wire dial-up, or reboot every
4 hours if you use Internet Explorer or every 5 hours on
FireFox, if you have a few tabs with flash on it open.
If you leave a tab with flash on it run overnight, then
in the morning the machine will be disgustingly slow.
A lot of stuff uses flash nowadays, often in nuisance
ads on the side. If something starts making noise on it's
own, then most likely it is flash. Sometimes pages,
especially news pages, are designed to be wider than your
screen, and have ads out there in unseen nowhere-land.
Sure, when Google catches them, they will be punished,
but some bozos keep trying that stupid stunt anyway.
If you her noise and don't see the ad, that is making it,
shrink your page with CTRL + Scroll Wheel, and you will
see it.
Paste the URL of that page into your log, and kill it.
You will be surprised at how fast your machine will be,
and how long you can run it without rebooting. It will act
just like it did until about half a year ago, when rebooting
once a month was recommended, but not really necessary.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Blankets
I've lived in several places with limited storage. To save
room when it came time to remove blankets or place a lighter
weight bedspread/comforter, I merely place them on the bed
and then put the sheets on over them. It also helps making
the bed more comfy.
By Diane A.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling
into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the
words "open me first," and the other three are numbered
1 to 3.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his
predecessor saying:
"These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble.
In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in
sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second,
and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets
about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company
closes, and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers
the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says:
"Blame me, your predecessor for everything".
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis
comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy.
A few years later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer
and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the
government for everything". It works like a charm, and he
breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A year later the workers declare another strike. The manager
goes directly to the third envelope and it reads,
"Prepare 4 new envelopes"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a
number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must
be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed
my will three times!"
Today, Nov 2, in
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed
his title to emperor.
1883 Thomas Edison executed a patent application for an
electrical indicator using the Edison effect lamp
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car
contest
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed support
for a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine.
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia.
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber.
It was named DuPrene.
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden
airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's
first and only flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed because
of the white-gray color of the spruce used to build it,
never went into production.
1960 In London, the novel "Lady Chatterly's Lover," was found
not guilty of obscenity.
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was assassinated
in a military coup.
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to apply
for permanent residence in the U.S.
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New
Jersey prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for
the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper.
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed
in the U.S. since 1962. She had been convicted of the
poisoning death of her boyfriend.
1986 American hostage David Jacobson was released after being
held in Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims kidnappers.
1995 The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly covering
up $1.1 billion in trading losses.
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the
church's first openly gay bishop.
2013 smiled
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Which browser is best for Internet Radio?
Friday, November 1, 2013, 12:19 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Regarding the Affordable Care Act, remember when Nancy Pelosi
said about Obamacare:
“We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it”
A physician called into a radio show and said:
"That's the definition of a stool sample".
That pretty well sums it up.
--- Lillemor
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto,
the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our
engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our
flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still
have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more
engine has failed and the flight will take an additional
two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine
has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three
hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left."
Linda turned to the man in the next seat and remarked,
"If we lose one more engine,
we'll be up here all day!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a
country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past
Yin road. Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin
Road anywhere! Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask
directions.
She stopped and asked at the next farm. "I ain't never
heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer. "But ya might try
askin' old man McGillicuddy, he's lived 'round here for
better 'n 70 years."
"Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?"
"He lives on the third farm past the Y in the road."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Brianne Altice, 34, Kaysville, Utah
Jailed for Repeatedly Having Sex
With Gossipy Student
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Brianne Altice, a 34-year-old teacher at Davis High School, was
jailed Monday after she repeatedly had sex with a 15-year-old
student.
According to police, an investigation was launched when the
victim, now 17, came forward to report the relationship.
The relationship allegedly began when the student was 15
years old and continued until he was 16. The victim attended
the same school and Altice was reportedly one of his teachers.
Investigators say the victim told detectives that he and
Altice engaged in sexual intercourse at least 7 times with
5 of those encounters taking place at Altice's South Weber
home. Two encounters reportedly took place in Kaysville,
which include sex at a local park.
During a police interview, the teen was able to accurately
describe tattoos on Altice's body and correctly described
the layout of her home. Altice reportedly admitted to having
sex with the student on at least two occasions
She was booked into jail and charged with two counts of
unlawful sexual activity with a minor.
-------------
Just seven times in two years!
Aside from being a terminal moron for nailing down a lifetime
reputation as a gossip, what is wrong with the idiot, that he
can limit himself to just once every FOUR months?
Especially with a fairly cute babe?
The same goes for her. If the kid is such a hot jock, that
he is so much better than any teacher or visitor to the
strip club, where she got talked into hidden tattoos, to risk
trashing her carreer, then how can a 34 year old woman limit
herself to just once every FOUR months?
Times sure have changed!
Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Which browser is better for music?
Dear Webby,
Which browser is better or best for playing music? I am using
the AccuRadio.com, that you recommend about once every year,
but notice a difference between different browsers, but am
not sure if that is an illusion or real.
Thanks
Sandra
Dear Sandra
I find that FireFox plays music from that site the best.
Other sites, that require MediaPlayer or QuickTime or
similar players, seem to sound best with MediaPlayer,
even though that program is not as good as it used to be.
I miss the controls for slowing down to re-listen to hard
to understand parts or speeding up to search for a specific
portion of a recording, but the sound is good (on my
external speakers).
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Jack O'Lanterns After Halloween
One way we save at Halloween is simple. We either wait until
the day of to carve our pumpkins OR, we paint on the face
with non toxic paint. Then the day after, we cut up the
pumpkin, boil in salt water, then peel and mash when cool.
I later freeze in freezer containers labeled with the
correctly measured amount for what ever pumpkin pie or
pumpkin recipe I want to next bake.
When my kids were younger, I mashed and froze in small
amounts (usually in an ice cube tray, then transferred
when frozen to a larger bag to hold all the pumpkin cubes)
for baby food.
The days following Halloween are a good time to get very
inexpensive pumpkins--but don't wait too long, as the
prices will go back up in about a week in prep for
Thanksgiving.
By mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Ted
Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where
I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I
supervise. "Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the
speed limit is in our parking lot?"
The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of
them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming in to work
or leaving?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their
decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding, and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests
that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our
wedding gifts."
Today, Nov 1, in
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine
Chapel were first exhibited to the public.
1604 "Othello," the tragedy by William Shakespeare, was first
presented at Whitehall Palace in London.
1611 "The Tempest," Shakespeare's romantic comedy, was first
presented at Whitehall Palace in London.
1755 At least 60,000 people were killed in Lisbon, Portugal
by an earthquake, its aftershocks and the ensuing tsunami.
1765 The British Parliament enacted The Stamp Act in the
American colonies. The act was repealed in March of 1766
on the same day that the Parliament passed the Declaratory
Acts which asserted that the British government had free
and total legislative power of the colonies.
1800 U.S. President John Adams became the first president
to live in the White House when he moved in.
1864 The U.S. Post Office started selling money orders.
The money orders provided a safe way to payments by mail.
1870 The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological
observations using 24 locations that provided reports via
telegraph.
1879 Thomas Edison executed his first patent application for
a high-resistance carbon filament (U.S. Pat. 223,898).
1894 Russian Emperor Alexander III died.
1911 Italy used planes to drop bombs on the Tanguira oasis
in Libya. It was the first aerial bombing.
1949 In Washington, 55 people were killed when a fighter plane
hit an airliner.
1950 Two Puerto Rican nationalists tried to assassinate U.S.
President Harry Truman. One of the men was killed when they
tried to force their way into Blair House in Washington, DC.
1952 The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb on
Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall Islands.
1954 Algeria began to rebel against French rule.
1959 Jacques Plante, of the Montreal Canadiens, became the first
goalie in the NHL to wear a mask.
1963 The USSR launched Polyot I. It was the first satellite capable
of maneuvering in all directions and able to change its orbit.
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to demonstrate
on November 4 and to expand their attacks against the U.S.
and Israel. On November 4, Iranian militants seized the U.S.
embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage.
1985 In the village of Ignacio Aldama, 22 members of a Mexican
anti-narcotics squad were killed by alleged drug traffickers.
1989 Tens of thousands of refugees fled to the West when East
Germany reopened its border with Czechoslovakia.
1989 Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega announced the end of a
cease-fire with the Contra rebels.
1993 The European Community's treaty on European unity took
effect.
1998 Nicaraguan Vice President Enrique Bolanos announced that
between 1,000 and 1,500 people were buried in a 32-square
mile area below the slopes of the Casita volcano in northern
Nicaragua by a mudslide caused by Hurricane Mitch.
1998 Iridium inaugurated the first handheld, global satellite
phone and paging system.
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Is MS Office ODF compliant?
Thursday, October 31, 2013, 10:10 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 31.
Happy Halloween!
Thank you, Larry!
Today the second last of a box of those Chinese spiral bulbs
burned out and I had to insert the last one. The claim, that
they would last longer than incandescent lightbulbs is
obviously a lie.
They might save some electricity, but due to their much
higher cost, don't seem to be worth it. Once their price
comes down to the same as regular lightbulbs, I will try
them again.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.
Just how childlike golf players become is proven by
their frequent inability to count past five.
--- John Updike
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly
as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
--- Sam Snead
Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels
personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
--- Bishop Sheen
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls
while they are still rolling.
--- Mark Twain
>From Alf
I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see
me arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down.
Our heads collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for
several weeks.
I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how I
came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom
I hadn't seen for some time looked at my black eye and ex-
claimed, "My goodness, what happened to you?"
"The dog did it," I wearily replied.
A man standing next to us looked over at me and said
knowingly, "Ahh, he must be a boxer."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman.
After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor
and handed her a $70 bill for labor.
"Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes."
The repairman explained that his company had a minimum
one-hour charge on every house call.
"Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady
responded, and she handed him a rake.
The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging
leaves.
Click on the picture for the large version
Russian tow-truck
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Sergio Irey, 21, Sarasota, Floriduh
Deadbet son got mother jailed after
she gave him some well deserved slaps
Reported by The Smoking Gun
According to Sergio Irey’s mother, the 21-year-old Florida
man is unemployed, lives at home rent-free, does not help
out with household chores or bills, has allowed his college
grades to plummet, and “spends all his time with a girl
who is a bad influence on him.”
Sergio’s loafing does not sit well with Rocio Irey, 45,
who has explained to her son that he “needs to get his life
on track, straighten up, get a job and start helping around
the house,” police report.
Police report this because last night Rocio and Sergio were
arguing about his reported layabout ways in her Sarasota home.
Rocio told a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy that
she became angered at her son “because he was not listening
to her, he was back talking to her and he was being
disrespectful by interrupting her and ignoring her.”
So a frustrated Rocio slapped her son across the face twice,
explaining, “I slapped him because he was being
disrespectful to me, I’m his mother.”
Sergio, who later acknowledged his churlish behavior,
responded by calling the cops on his mother because he
“became scared of her and didn’t know what else to do.”
Sergio is more than a head taller than his mother.
Though Sergio was uninjured by the slaps, Florida state
law required that “the aggressor be arrested” for domestic
battery. So Rocio was handcuffed and transported to the
county jail, where she remains locked up.
With his mom behind bars, it is unclear who will make
Sergio’s bed or his lunch today.
Hopefully his mother is smart enough to change the locks
as soon as she gets out.
Tech Support Pits
From: Renata
Re: Is Microsoft Office Open Document Standard compliant?
Dear Webby,
Is Microsoft Office Open Document Standard compliant, or are
they being left behind?
Renata
Dear Renata
Microsoft Office 2013 is Open Document Standard compliant.
MS Office 2010 is partially compliant. Older versions are not.
2013 and 2010 versions are still too expensive and difficult
to justify. Until they have come down in price on eBay and
Amazon, just use Open Office or Office Libre or Corel Office.
If you grew up with WordPerfect, you are going to love Corel
Office. It is the same thing, just a new owner.
And it still includes Quattro!
I use it every day to do the graph with the votes for the
top 4 and the page views. 9 fields daily, for a year, is no
problem for Quattro and does not slow it down one bit.
If your needs are not that critical, try Open Office.
You won't be alone. 1,127,539 Downloads this Week, and it's
only Wednesday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Taking Good Pet Photos
The best way for me to take photos of pets is next to a
big window. It's always a good detraction, and you can
control how much light comes through, with filters and
shutter speed.
By Paw Prints Pet Grooming from Sweethome, OR
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat
on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate.
"Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a
while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll use the
tractor to help you turn the wagon upright."
"That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't
think Dad would like me to."
"Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted.
"Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a
lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset."
"Don't be silly!" said the neighbor.
"By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon," replied Willis.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your
birthday?"
She said:"I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and
early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every
ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the
Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She
staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her
head spinning and her stomach upside down.
Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double
Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off
to a theater to see Star Wars - more hot dogs, popcorn,
cola and sweets.
At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed
into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear,
what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant the dress
size!"
Today, Oct 31, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of t
he Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start
of the Protestant Reformation in Germany.
1864 Nevada became the 36th state to join the U.S.
1868 Postmaster General Alexander Williams Randall approved
a standard uniform for postal carriers.
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers
(Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria).
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy.
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis
resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been
damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in
the stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture
Houdini had commented on the strength of his stomach
muscles and their ability to withstand hard blows.
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain
prevented Germany from invading Britain.
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years
of work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt
and Abraham Lincoln were finished.
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed
by a German submarine near Iceland. More than 100 men
were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began
a revolt against French rule.
1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not
marry Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend.
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person
to land an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became
the first American to set foot on the South Pole.
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth,
TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the
time he was in Moscow, Russia.
1961 In the Soviet Union, the body of Joseph Stalin was
removed from Lenin's Tomb where it was on public display.
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to
all U.S. bombing of North Vietnam.
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as
Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during
the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane
had mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital.
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated
near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son,
Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister.
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns
had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles
Taylor were blamed for the murders.
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72
plunged into a northern Indiana farm.
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to
life in prison after being convicted of second-degree
murder in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She
was released after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter.
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket,
MA, killing all 217 people aboard.
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran
Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of
Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal
dispute over the nature of faith and salvation.
2013 smiled
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Wednesday, October 30, 2013, 10:22 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 30.
Thank you Jim for your special postcard!
From Judi (re snap.do)
Thank you. I just used the link for the download to get
rid of it and it seemed to have worked. When I opened
Chrome again it was gone.
You saved the day again.
Judi
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will
improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent
instincts will be strengthened.
--- Stanley Walker
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a
dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother
you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really
into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved
nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he
laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that
unusual??"
"Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ...because he
hated the book!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
Thanks to Bob for this story:
My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite
where the wife hired a private detective to follow her
husband to see if he were in fact "cheating" on her.
I asked my wife if she would ever do that.
She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other
woman was, but to see if I could find out what she
saw in you."
Click on the picture for the large version
2 ravens
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Courtney McPhillips, 26, Scranton, PA
Jailed After Officers Find
35 Packets Of Heroin Stashed
Inside Her Vagina
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Courtney McPhillips, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman,
was jailed Thursday after she was allegedly caught with
35 packets of heroin stashed inside her vagina.
According to Scranton Police, an investigation was launched
after a police informant told detectives about a local drug
ring, and identified McPhillips and a male friend for their involvement in the operation.
The pair were under investigation when an officer stopped
McPhillips' gold minivan after she failed to stop at a
stop sign.
Investigators say officers searched McPhillips' minivan
and recovered 12 packets of heroin and several prescription
pills from a plastic cigarette case located inside the
vehicle.
McPhillips and her passenger, 27-year-old James (Jimmy)
Walsh, were found with fresh needle marks in their arms and
slurred speech.
As the search for drugs continued, McPhillips was found to
have 35 glassine packets of heroin stuffed inside her
vagina.
During a police interview, McPhillips told detectives that
Walsh handed her the drugs and told her to hide them when
they noticed that a patrol car was behind them.
Walsh admitted to owning the heroin that was found in the
car, but stated that he never instructed McPhillips to
take it or hide it.
McPhillips was booked into jail and charged with possession
with intent to deliver a controlled substance and possession
of drug paraphernalia. Her bond was set at $25,000.
Walsh was booked into jail and charged with delivery of a
controlled substance and possession with intent to deliver.
He was also taken into custody for violating his parole.
He remains held in lieu of $50,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Marina
Re: Why Open Office?
Dear Webby,
You mentioned Opne Office quite a bit, and I have seen it
mentioned in many computer magazines, that are not too thick
with Microsoft ads.
What's the story about it?
Marina
Dear Marina
If you had a company with 500 or 5000 employees, would you
buy 500 or 5000 Microsoft Office licenses,
or would you tell somebody to download Open Office, have
them customize it for your company and let everybody copy
that from the company site?
The same applies to many Governments all over the world.
Even though the very persuasive microsoft salespeople have
fantastic incentives to offer, the current budget crunch
makes it easy to resist them.
Small town Governments usually fall for the incentives,
that are for the buyer, who doesn't really give a hoot about
the town budget, however larger towns tend to switch to
Open Office or Office Libre. Office Libre (Free office) is
similar, but gets updated more frequently.
This is especially the case with countries, where the Government
has switched to Linux. For reasons of reliability, 99.999% of
web servers are using Linux, With Linux, instead of buying new
machines with differenc copies of Windows to annoy the users,
updates are just to the under-the-hood stuff, and the user
interface never changes. That eliminates a lot of cussing and
tech support demands.
Open Office and Office Libre run just fine on Linux too,
not just Windows.
Since more and more of industry, commerce and governments
have switched to Open Office, the workers of course get the
same free programs for home too.
Because a large part of Microsoft office is loaded during
the Windows start-up, -that is why it takes so long-,
opening a spreadsheet or document is fast, compared to
using Open Office for that, but other than that small
inconvenience, Open Office is a very popular alternative.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cherry-Banana Cake
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
1 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
3/4 cup mashed bananas
2 cups sifted flour
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 cup maraschino cherries, chopped and well drained
1/4 cup milk
Directions
Cream the sugar and shortening until fluffy. Beat in
the vanilla, eggs and bananas. Sift the dry ingredients,
combine with the cherries, and add alternately with the
milk, beating well after each addition. Bake in a
9x13 inch pan for about 45 minutes in a 350 degrees F oven.
By Robin from Washington, IA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired,"did you
trail my husband?"
"Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an
out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment."
A big smile crossed the womans face,
"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, boasting.
"Is there any doubt what he was doing?"
"No ma'am." replied the sleuth,
"It's pretty clear that he was following you,
and taking pictures for his web site!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
From today in 2006
(some of the characters in this have since died)
Thanks to Paul for the minutes of the Democratic
National Convention
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship.
Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding -- Barney Frank Presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan -- Susan
Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for
surrender--Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney
transplant fund
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from
Guantanamo Bay. Sean Penn
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William
Jefferson Clinton
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award,
presented by Michael Moore
9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought
down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by
Mahmud Ahnadinejad
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals--John Kerry
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Today, Oct 30, in
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established
by Simon Bolivar.
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history.
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS
radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization
was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused
panic among listeners.
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe
rationing.
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel
Peace Prize.
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a
force of approximately 58 megatons.
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation
to increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion.
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as
dictator Francisco Franco was near death.
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline
"Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day
after U.S. President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto
any proposed federal bailout of New York City.
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped
pro-Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death
was blamed on four security officers.
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 %
of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space,
performed the world's first animal dissections in space,
while aboard the space shuttle Columbia.
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian
President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's
military still in control.
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in
a referendum concerning secession from the federation
of Canada.
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane
and the 39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist
squads raided the plane.
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw
out the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between
the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks.
2013 smiled
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Tuesday, October 29, 2013, 10:37 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 29.
I had to drive to High River to see my heart doctor today.
After having lived in the Yukon for 30 years, a bit of snow
on the road was no problem, but it sure seems to have been
for some people, especially in the area, where it was foggy.
In the afternoon it cleared up. The large hoar frost crystals
on the snow looked magnificent in the afternoon sun. Sure was
cold, though, walking against the wind. It was about -16 and the
wind was 30 - 40, and carrying frost crystals, that it tore off
trees and bushes. I sure was glad to get to a warm home at
the end of my one hour walk.
While walking I wondered if there is a light bicycler or
jogger version of a full-face motorcycle helmet.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Insanity in individuals is something rare -
but in groups, parties, nations and epochs,
it is the rule.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
Conceit is God's gift to little men.
--- Bruce Barton
Success usually comes to those who are too busy
to be looking for it.
--- Henry David Thoreau
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had
already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one
relationship to the next.
Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you
looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular?
Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as
soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother
doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl
who's just like your dear ole Mother?"
Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together
again.
"So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's
just like your Mother?"
Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like
Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends."
"Excellent!!! So, are you and this girl engaged, yet?"
"I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
Overheard at a Computer Store:
"I want a game capable of holding the interest of my
six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough so that his
father can play it, too."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Damon Michael Miljour, 36, Fort Myers, Floriduh
Traded His Harley For A Jail Cell
And A Realistic New Halloween Mask
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Damon Michael Miljour, a 36-year-old Florida man, was jailed
Thursday after he allegedly stole several items from a surf
shop before polishing the pavement with his face while
fleeing the scene.
According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, deputies were
dispatched to the area of Bonita Beach road Thursday after
witnesses called to report a motorcycle crash.
When deputies arrived on the scene, they found a black
Harley Davidson motorcycle lying on the road with an
obviously injured Miljour nearby.
Investigators say Miljour was rushed to Lee Memorial
Hospital where he was treated for his injuries.
Deputies also noticed something suspicious while processing
the scene. Several retail items which appeared brand new
with the store's retail tag still intact. Among the items,
deputies found sunglasses, wrist watches and high end shoes.
Deputies checked out the store, Mango Bay, and discovered
that a side window to the shop had been smashed out.
Inside the store, several merchandise items were scattered
as if someone had rummaged through the merchandise looking
for items of value to steal.
Deputies contacted a store manager who confirmed that the
items belonged to his shop and had not been purchased. The
total value of the stolen items was estimated at $10,000.
Detectives then visited Miljour in the hospital, who claimed
he didn't remember anything before waking up in the hospital.
Miljour was booked into jail and charged with burglary,
grand theft, and since he couldn't remember anything, he
obviously was DUI.
Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Fake Open Office
Dear Webby,
I noticed that the writer mentioned installing Open Office
and then found their computer was infected.
I went to a site that offered Open Office some months ago.
It looked like an official site, but the download attempted
to install a lot of unwanted stuff. (my antivirus program
and superantispyware went crazy trying to stop the
infections) I ended up having to do a system restore to a
couple of days earlier to solve the issue.
Only go to Apache Open Office at http://www.openoffice.org/
to get this program. Never install from a cd purchased from
ebay as many of them as well as alternative sites are filled
with malware.
Neil
Dear Neil
I agree 100%.
For Open Office go straight to http://www.openoffice.org/
and nowhere else, no wmatter whether some site promises to
be a faster and nearer mirror.
If you use Libre Office, the real home is at
http://www.libreoffice.org/download/
For Spybot-Search&Destroy, their home is still at
http://www.safer-networking.org/dl/
Re that Snap-do virus, do NOT go to SpyHunter or
fixbrowsers.com, even though the bozos at Ask.com have it
top listed. Obviously, they don't have a clucking fue.
That SpyHunter is probably the worst piece of monkey-crap
I have come across in a very long time. If you tried even
a bit of it, you need to do a sytem-restore. Or try to.
To get rid of Snap-do or Snap.do, the best answer is at
Techsupportall.com
Even though the Engrisch there is not ready for opera,
the technical advice is excellent.
By the way, where he mentions google.com for Home site,
take that as a quick example. It you have your local TV
station or the Humor Letter as your normal HOME site,
put that URL in there. He used google.com just as a quick
example, to avoid having to type this much.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freshening Sour Laundry
When a load of wet laundry got left in the dryer for a
week the smell was horrendous. I soaked the whole load
in the washer overnight with a cup of vinegar in the
water, then drained it and rewashed with laundry soap.
As good as new!
By Linda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Negotiations between union members and their employer were
at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were
flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief
negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper,
"This man," he announced, "called in SICK yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill
employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an
excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have
had if he hadn't been sick!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An American couple was driving in Canada and got lost.
Finally, they drove into a city. They saw a gentleman on the
sidewalk, so the husband pulled the car up to the curb. His
wife rolled down her window and asked, "Excuse me, sir,
we're lost. Can you please tell us where we are?"
The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."
The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said,
"We really are lost. They don't even speak English here."
Today, Oct 29, in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that
had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy
against King James I.
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be
an independent commonwealth.
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was
the founder of Pennsylvania.
1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded.
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley,
was electrocuted.
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal,
later known as Kemal Ataturk.
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the
Wall Street stock market.
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. in
anticipation of WWII.
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went
on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price
of $12.50 each.
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez
Canal Crisis.
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use
close-circuit television.
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional
fight.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to
all school segregation.
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records.
He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting
him over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season.
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding
discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex
or marital status
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's
regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages
during its occupation of Kuwait.
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit
an asteroid (Gaspra).
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to
pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power.
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the
Food and Drug Administration.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn
on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first
American to orbit the Earth.
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for
$2 million at a New York auction.
2013 smiled
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How to get rid of Snap-Do infection
Monday, October 28, 2013, 10:15 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 28.
It's still snowing, horizontally, and the bathroom window
on the North is covered solidly. On the South side there are
adventurous looking snow drifts. No Gullible Warming in
Alberta!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A strong conviction that something must be done
is the parent of many bad measures.
--- Daniel Webster (1782 - 1852)
Success Is Relative.
The more The Success, The more The Relatives.
--- Cookie
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...
I Gave Up Reading
--- Cookie
Their were three men in the hospital waiting room
anxiously expecting news any minute about the births of
their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and
says I have great news. Your wife has just given birth to
twins.
The man exclaimed. " Well, that all right. I work for
Double Day."
The nurse goes to the second man and says,
"I have great news for you too. Your wife just gave birth
to triplets."
The man says, with great surprise,"Well that's all right.
I work for Triple A."
The nurse goes up to the third man. But before she could
say anything, he shouted,
"I work for Seven-Up! Worked! I am outa here and off to
Mexico!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off
the local kids who went into his watermelon
patch everynight and ate their fill.
After some thought he posted a sign that read
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS
HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH LAXATIVE!"
The next night he smiled smugley as he watched the
kids run off without eating any of his melons.
A week later he was surveying his field and to his
satisfaction,no melons were missing but a sign
next to his read,"NOW THERE ARE TWO."
Click on the picture for the large version
Sorrento, Italy
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jerrika Carey, 34, Louisville, KY
Jailed longer After Officer Finds Pack Of
Smokes And Lighter Hidden Inside Vagina
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jerrika Carey, a 34-year-old Kentucky woman, has been
jailed after she allegedly packed cigarettes and a lighter
into her vagina and attempted to sneak them into jail.
According to police, Carey was being processed into jail
last week when the jail's body image scanner alerted to
a foreign object hidden inside her genital area.
When officers asked Carey about the object, she told them
she had a lighter hidden inside her vagina and then reached
into her pants to remove it.
Carey was then whisked away to a strip search room where a
female officer removed a crack pipe from her clothing.
Officers then retrieved the lighter and a pack of cigarettes
from her vagina.
Carey was charged additionally with promoting contraband,
possession of drug paraphernalia and tampering with
physical evidence.
Tech Support Pits
From: Trish
Re: Snap.do infection
Dear Webby,
I now have a brand new computer, very sadly it’s
windows 8, starting to come to terms with it (well
sort of) and downloaded a couple of ’things’.
I got my new precious computer from a big name store
in Australia, it’s a HP and as I said windows 8.
Along with one of these downloaded ‘things’
came something nasty, squidoo’ and ‘snap do’.
The only things I have downloaded are Belark Advisor,
Open Office and ccleaner, there is no other way these
programs or whatever they are called could have gotten on
my computer, they appeared the day I downloaded Open
Office.
I’m still having a hard time working out this windows 8
{only had it less than a week} but I know I have to get
rid of these nasties, I’ve had Belark Advisor and
ccleaner (paid version) for ages on your advice (still
don’t know how to get paid version back) so think it
must have come with Open Office, I looked on internet
and saw that there are lots of ‘get rid of snap do’
can you have a look and let me know which if any are
safe and if I was to get rid of open office would the
nasties go too (I don’t think so).
Thanks in advance if you can help,
Trish
Dear Trish
Squidoo is legitimate.
http://www.squidoo.com/
It may not be necessary for you, if you don't want to put web sites together, but it doesn't cause any problems.
If you don't need it, don't use it. It's as simple as that.
Most likely it was pre-installed by HollowPeckers.
If Squidoo put a toolbar on top of FireFox, just unclick it.
Snap-Do is a malicious virus, that hijacks your browser.
That one was probably put on by somebody at the computer
dealer messing around with demo machines. I doubt that
HolowPeckers put that one on. It is also distributed by email.
If you don't have McAfee or some similar protction, it can
slither into your computer quite easily.
Snap-do or Snap.do is really nasty. It hijacks and redirects
your browser, and sends your browsing log to marketers. Whoever
put it onto your machine, gets paid a kickback for it.
To remove it:
Add/Remove Programs list in Control Panel
(Start -> Control Panel -> Add/Remove Programs).
In the list search for apps related to Snap.do
and then choose ‘Uninstall’.
Also remove Snap.do from your browsers:
Internet Explorer:
Tools -> Internet options -> General tab.
Enter your desired website to make it the
default homepage.
Google Chrome:
Settings -> Appearance. Enter your desired website
to make it the default homepage.
Mozilla Firefox:
Options -> General tab -> Startup.
Enter your desired website to make it the
default homepage.
Delete any folder related to “Snap.do” from the following folders:
ProgramFiles
AppData
ProgramData
LocalAppData
Stay away from Fixbrowsers.com and SpyHunter.
That is phony Bait & Switch stuff and might be even worse.
SpyBotSearch&Destroy from my Toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
will probably get rid of snap-do as well, but since my
machine is not infected, there is no way to try that
and be sure. It is a good guess, though.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Circle Template
Being an avid crafter, I often make projects that require a
circle cut from something. I would search through the house,
finding an item that was the correct size circle, such as a
can of soup.
I finally took a few moments one day and armed with scraps
of cardboard I had saved from empty cereal boxes and such,
(one never knows when one needs a piece of cardboard!),
I roamed through my rooms tracing different size circles
onto the cardboard. I then measured each and wrote the
size inside the circle. I cut them all out and keep
them as templates.
Now when I need a circle of any size, it's right there
within reach. Works great!
By maryeruth from Palm Coast, FL
You can get a 12" machinist's divider at industrial supply
stores and most of the better hardware stores. They are just
large compasses with one end pointy and the other end a
sharp little blade. You use the pointy end in the center,
and the knife end for the outside of the circle.
At one time the "firm joint"
type was cheaper, but nowadays the
spring loaded screw adjust types are
cheaper. Either one works fine.
You can, of course, tape a pen or sharpie or pencil to the
outside end and draw the circumference, instead of
"scribing" it. They are made for machinists to cribe (scratch)
lines and circles for their lay-out, but work fine for any
project. The flat scribing knife is hard enough to scribe
a clean and easily visible line on most metals, plastic
leather and wood. For fabric and foam tape a pencil or
sharpie to the scribing end.
A divider also comes in handy for dividing linear
measurements and scratch off whatever lengths you set it.
You will be surprised how handy it is, and how much fun
real precision is.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions
for prayer while a telephone repairman worked
nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.
"No," another contended. "I get the best results
standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most
effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face
down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer.
"Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin'
I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside
down from a telephone pole during a lightning storm."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on
the evils of television. "It steals away precious
time that could be better spent on other things,"
he said. He advised the congregation to do what he
and his family had done. "We put our TV away in
the closet."
"That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it sure is
cozy in there with the TV repairman!"
Today, Oct 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the
American Revolutionary War.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin.
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor
by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons
and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty
Enlightening the World."
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to
use fingerprinting.
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known
as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed
in 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the
U.S. Constitution.
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government
and introduced fascism to Italy.
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece.
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that
he had ordered dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of
collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO,
was completed.
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President
Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ,
to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related
convictions.
1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution
"deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada.
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker,
pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces
the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume
distribution of the drug after the government of France
demanded it do so.
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called
for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military
leaders.
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that
all the troops there would be home by Christmas.
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Sunday, October 27, 2013, 08:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 27.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Liberty means responsibility.
That is why most men dread it.
--- George Bernard Shaw
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing
opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things
that other people think about us.
-- Quentin Crisp
Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the
other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner
there is a Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey
holding a tin cup.
The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the
monkey's cup.
When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated
Slobovians yet you gave him money?"
And he answers,
"Yes, but they are so cute when they are little."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned
around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it
finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she
explained.
"Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger.
"Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to
find a deaf pilot."
Click on the picture for the large version
Wouldn't you just love to work there?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Dawn Weiser, 44, Springdale, AR
Jailed After repeatedly stabbing husband
for snoring, wheile he slept
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Dawn Weiser, a 44-year-old Arkansas woman, has been jailed
after she stabbed her husband repeatedly because he was
snoring.
According to police, officers were dispatched to the
couple's home after 43-year-old Doug Weiser awoke around
3:30 a.m. to find his wife repeatedly stabbing him with
a butcher's knife.
Investigators say the victim wrestled the knife away from
his wife before the couple's two teenage sons came to his
aid.
The victim told detectives that he and his wife had argued
that evening about his snoring, prompting her to sleep in
a bedroom with one of their sons while he slept alone in
the couple's bedroom.
Dawn Weiser told detectives that she awoke to a loud noise
during the night and walked in to find her husband with
stab wounds. She went on to insist that an intruder was
responsible for the stabbing, despite the evidence against
her.
Investigators say Dawn later confessed to stabbing her
husband and then hiding the knife.
The issue of snoring had apparently annoyed Dawn to a point
where she began mentioning it on various social media sites
like Twitter.
Dawn Weiser was booked into the Washington County Detention
Center and charged with suspicion of attempted murder. She
was released after posting $25,000 bond.
The victim was taken to a local hospital where he was
treated for a punctured spleen, a lacerated liver and
three stab wounds.
He filed for divorce a few days later, according to
court records.
Tech Support Pits
From: Bobbie
Re: Is the mailwasher any good?
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby,
you have been advertising MailWasher for a few years now.
Do you use it yourself, and is it any good?
Bobbie
Dear Bobbie
Yes, of course I use it. I don't advertise it because I get
about the price of a coffee every time somebody buys it
after clicking on the link. I recommend it because it
drastically reduces help requests related to junkmail.
These days I get around 4800 pieces of mail per day.
MailWasher reduces that to the 120, that I need to see
and answer.
I have been using the same addresses for almost 20 years
and by now every spammer has them on their lists.
Without MailWasher I would have to change addresses once a
year, and use those wimpy Captchas, forcing you to punch
in hard to read characters, just like companies, whose
admins are not smart enough to get MailWasher.
Mailwasher deletes the spam right on the server, unseen,
in the dark. I just see the cleaned mails.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cover Garden At Night To
Protect Against Early Frost
When it's time for frost to hit and we still have veggies
that are still producing, we drape sheets or blankets over
the veggies before dark. Then when we get up in the morning
before the sun is fully out, we take the sheets or blankets
off, so as to not bruise the veggies or give them black
spot, especially on the tomatoes.
By Betsy from Hoagland, IN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She
told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he
doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the
two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Jake bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her
birthday.
His friend Abe said, "I thought she wanted one of those
sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," Jake replied. "But where in the heck was I
gonna find a fake Jeep?"
Today, Oct 27, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America.
1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of
San Lorenzo.
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in
New York City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure,
the other seven failed.
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George
"Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence
to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted.
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was
the first rapid-transit subway system in America.
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in
New York.
1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at
26' 2 1/4".
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its
new synthetic yarn.
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They
had been married on January 14, 1954.
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by
calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in
Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect
of the agreement.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S.
prison population had exceeded one million for the first
time in American history.
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of
Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected
leftist leader.
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy
FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second
largest banking company in the U.S.
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What happened to Playa Cofi ?
Saturday, October 26, 2013, 01:14 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 26.
Looks like the snow is not going to wait until Sunday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
--- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country."
--- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a
jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--- A congressional candidate in Texas
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--- Bill Clinton, US President
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--- Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 19 because
we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
Setting a good example for children takes all the fun
out of middle age.
--- William Feather
An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning.
An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper
stating that the electric company would like to run a power
line through his cow pasture.
The Amish man said, "No, no you can not."
"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker.
As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field,
the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bulls into the
pasture.
As the 1200 pound bulls rumbled toward the workers in the
field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show them your paper!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has
been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised
earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that
the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have
been arrested on immigration issues.
The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting
the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in
the area.
Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's
Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
You may have seen that famous picture of a little bird
riding on an eagle. This is probably the first time you see
what that is all about. Thanks to Jon Winslow for the great
pictures!
Click on the picture for the large version
Here you see a furious Kingbird chasing an eagle, who had
picked up a dead fish, possibly one landed by the Kingbirds.
Click on the picture for the large version
Here the Kingbird has landed and started his woodpeckering
on the eagle.
Click on the picture for the large version
Here the Kingbird is woodpeckering right on the skull of the
eagle.
Click on the picture for the large version
Same as picture #3, just zoomed closer.
The eagle gave up the fish half a mile from the Kingbird's nest.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jennifer Singletary,33,Spartanburg, SC
Jailed After Assaulting Ex
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jennifer Singletary, a 33-year-old South Carolina woman,
was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly beat her ex-boyfriend
in the face and then crushed his testicles because he
wouldn't let her come inside his home.
According to the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office,
deputies were dispatched to the home of Sonny Dolquist in
response to a reported domestic disturbance that was
occurring at the residence.
When officers arrived on the scene, they were met out in
the front yard by Singletary who appeared "extremely
intoxicated."
Singletary reportedly told the officer that she had been
"hit" but she couldn't identify where she had been hit.
The officer also checked her for injuries, but couldn't
find any.
The officer then went inside the residence to find Dolquist
bleeding from the mouth. Dolquist told the officer that
he and Singletary had lived together for two years until
she recently moved out. He added that Singletary agreed
to meet him at the house to pick up the last of her things
at about 4 p.m., but didn't show up until about 8 p.m..
Dolquist told the officer that he had placed Singletary's
items on the front porch, however, she demanded to come
inside the residence. When Dolquist refused Singletary's
demand, she reportedly pushed her way inside and began
throwing things.
That's when Singletary allegedly punched the victim several
times in the mouth before squeezing his testicles "until
they bled." A third party witness inside the residence told
the officer that he saw Singletary assault the victim.
A male companion who had arrived at the home with Singletary
told officers that he saw Dolquist pick Singletary up and
attempt to throw her out onto the porch. Officers checked
Singletary again and still found no sign of injury on her.
Singletary was booked into jail and charged with domestic
violence.
Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work?
Dear Webby,
Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work?
Randall
Dear Randall
Just like me, they depend on donations to pay he server costs.
Apparently they did not get enough to pay the cost.
Most of their files are at http://www.tropicalglen.com/
The organization is different and may take a bit of getting
used to, but the music is there,
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Have an Organized Priced Sale
Make sure everything is organized and has a price tag on it.
Before opening your sale, be sure everything is put out to
be sold. As customers move through and buy, straighten
things back up, and keep everything neat.
Please, no boxes full of clothes that are hanging over the
sides. Hang clothes on hangers and price. Be courteous,
friendly, and helpful when questions are asked about a
particular item. Have fun, and be ready to negotiate prices
when appropriate.
By redderbell from Bernice, LA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing
his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He
greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another
hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate
commented: "Your pastor is sure a lot friendlier than mine!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired
looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar
and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into
the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell
asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next
day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and
slept for an hour.
This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note
to his collar:
"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. "
The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned
to his collar:
"He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to
catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!"
Today, Oct 26, in
1825 The Erie Canal was opened. The 363-mile canal connected
Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of $7,602,000.
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine.
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone,
AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and
Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden.
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of
Santa Cruz during World War II.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended.
The battle was won by American forces and brought the
end of the Pacific phase of World War II into sight.
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage
from 40 to 75 cents an hour.
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
from New York City to Paris.
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile
Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the
U.S. agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter
missiles in Turkey.
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after
26 years on the Peacock Throne.
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared,
"Peace is at hand" in Vietnam.
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to
death by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central
Intelligence Agency.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company,
announced it was halting the worldwide distribution of
RU-486. The pill is used to induce abortions. The
French government made the company reverse itself
two days later.
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American
icebreakers. The whales had been trapped for nearly
3 weeks in an Arctic ice pack.
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to
reach 2,000 points.
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts
of defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S.
Congress. Dean was a central figure in the HUD scandal.
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime
Minister Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a
peace treaty.
1995 Alec Baldwin got into a fight with a paparazzi
in front of his home when he and his wife Kim Bassinger
were bringing their first baby home from the hospital.
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi
missile warhead.
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin
won a defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years.
The contract, for the "joint strike fighter," was the
largest defense contract in history.
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where
separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed
116 hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the
gas or gunshot wounds.
2013 smiled
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Why use spreadsheets to create web pages?
Friday, October 25, 2013, 08:44 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 25.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
On tonight's walk Copper got very exited when we walked
past the hospital. The Oilfields Hospital is in the middle
of about 40 acres of lawns and the occasional bunch of
trees. It looks nice, but you never see any patients out
there. When I looked closer at what Copper was straining
so mightily to go chase, there were about a dozen deer,
including 3 or 4 very young ones, that were just barely
walking, not yet bouncing like they do after a month.
They were white-tail deer, but of the dark greyish brown
type. They look just as good as the light brown type, but
don't show well on photos. Copper sure wanted to go chase
them or play with them, and run after them for 20 miles.
Not today. He was quite disappointed, that I was not
interested in a quick 20 miles there and 20 miles back run.
No snow forecast until Sunday, but frost every night.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the
least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good
enough to recollect how often we have told it to the
same person?
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said
to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper
tonight."
His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess,
I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty,
and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!"
The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that."
"Then why in the world did you invite your friend for
supper tonight?" asked the wife.
The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about
getting married."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
GROAN ALERT!
One day in the forest, three animals were discussing
who among them was the most powerful.
"I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop
down swiftly at my prey."
"That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only
fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws."
"I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because
with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you."
Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the
forest and settled the debate by eating them all,
hawk, lion, and stinker.
Click on the picture for the large version
Cheyava-Falls-upper-cascade-Grand-Canyon
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Sasha Hunt, 22, Berne, Indiana
Jailed After Taping Infant's Mouth Shut
With Duct Tape, Leaving Gagged Child
In Closet To Die
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Sasha Hunt, a 22-year-old Indiana woman, was jailed Wednesday
after she allegedly stuffed a sock into her infant son's
mouth and left him alone in a closet to die.
According to police, Hunt placed a sock into her 3-month-old
son's mouth, wrapped his head with duct tape to keep the sock
in place and then wrapped the child's arms so he couldn't
remove the tape from his mouth. She then wrapped the infant
in a blanket, placed him face-down on a pillow and then
locked him in a closet to die.
Investigators say Sasha Hunt's husband left the residence
for about 15 minutes at about 12:45 a.m.. When the husband
returned, he asked Sasha if she was ready for bed.
She answered "yes."
The husband, Nathan Hunt, went downstairs to shut off the
television when he heard a muffled cry coming from upstairs.
Fearing that his baby son had rolled over onto his face,
Nathan ran upstairs to check on the baby.
Sasha Hunt reportedly followed her husband into the child's
room, begging him to stop. But when Nathan found that the
baby's crib was empty, he began checking around the room
until he found the gagged infant inside the closet.
After removing the tape and gag, Nathan Hunt gave his wife
a choice. Either she could turn herself in and check into
a mental health facility, or he would call police and turn
her in.
Nathan Hunt told investigators that prior to the incident,
Sasha had kicked holes in walls, attacked him physically
and frequently handled their child in a rough manner. The
child was also found with bruises recently, which Sasha
blamed on the couple's 1-year-old daughter.
On another occasion, Sasha reportedly told her husband that
she wished the baby had never been born and hoped that he
would die.
Sasha Hunt was booked into jail and charged with attempted
murder and neglect of a dependent.
Tech Support Pits
From: Anita
Re: Why use a Spreadsheet for a web page
Dear Webby,
You have mentioned spreadsheets before, but I can't see how
or why they would be useful on a web page.
Please enlighten me there!
Thanks
Anita
Dear Anita
Whenever you have a table, for example a schedule of events,
that has a column for dates, one for times, one for theme,
and one for cost, it is extremely easy to do that in a
spreadsheet. And fast!
I use that method even to generate huge templates for albums
like Dianne's Afghans and Cat Mats. Whenever you have anything,
that is repetitious, like the rows in a table, then you can
do it faster in a spreadsheet.
You can even use formulas to fill fields with data from
another layer of the spreadsheet. Then you are really
cooking!
Then save it as an HTML file, copy that and paste it into
the destination file.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Steel Wool For Cleaning Coffee Pot
To clean inside of stainless steel coffee pot, take a hand
held kitchen wand. Place a steel wool pad of your choice
over the scrubbing pad attached to the wand. This can be
held in place by wrapping rubber bands around it. Use this
to scrub around the inside of the pot. Rinse very well
before then cleaning your complete coffee system with
white vinegar and water.
By Babwaray
If you can't getyour steel wool padded wand
into the thermos or pot, you can use my trick. Rinse it to
makeit good and wet, pour a spoon full of Comet into it
and shake well to distribute it evenly and cover every spot.
Let it sit for a minute or two, then add a cup of water and
shake again. Now you can use a regular skinny brush or foam
wand or bottle brush, scrub it a bit, and rinse. Even an old
and stubborn coffee patina will be gone, no matter whether
the inside is glass or steel.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit
the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of
newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the
reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.
The chief made a series of weird noises: "screech,
scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-." and then added
in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."
Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the
Washington Monument while you're in the area?"
The chief made the same noises:
"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z."
and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the
White House and the Capitol Building."
"Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?"
asked the next reporter.
The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle,
z-z-z-z, from the short-wave radio."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."
--- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
That reminds me, I quit smoking 2 1/2 years ago,
and am glad I did.
Today, Oct 25, in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by
the English.
1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States
captured the British vessel Macedonian.
1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the
Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of
Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order
to attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley
and suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed
that the order was the result of confusion and was not
given intentionally.
1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was
the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City.
1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
seized power in Russia.
1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet,
was found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to
a year in prison and fined $100,000.
1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first time.
1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by
The Tappan Company.
1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had
been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's
pro-Western government.
1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was
introduced.
1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic
evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos
were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
admit mainland China.
1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations
invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection
to U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's
Communist (pro-Cuban) government.
1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney
that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops
to Saudi Arabia.
2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a
family of four separately traded companies (consumer,
business, broadband and wireless).
2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the
remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million
years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew
as long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight metric
tons.
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Thursday, October 24, 2013, 09:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 24
Walking tonight was cold around the ears. East Wind from
across the prairies. The wind had the rich fragrance of
drying grain, and the moisture it had picked up from a few
thousand miles of grain fields. 65% Humidity! No wonder the
2 degrees below freezing felt cold!
Thursday afternoon it is supposed to warm up, briefly,
and cool off by the time Copper and I go for our walk.
I will be wearing my hooded winter jacket.
No snow forecast until Sunday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members
of a weird religious cult.
--- Rita Rudner
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize
or attack the government of my own country. I make up for
lost time when I come home.
--- Sir Winston Churchill
An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon
jungle when they heard the sounds of drums.
At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked
him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums
stop!" he said before running off.
The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader
asked another native about it.
"Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes
later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members
became panicked.
The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the
situation.
"Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes
violin solo!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ ea. or
three for a dollar."
All day long, customers came in exclaiming "Don't be
ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"
Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants.
The tailor next door had been watching these antics and
finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the
mistake on your sign?"
"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that
sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."
Click on the picture for the large version
100 Miles per Gallon? No Problem.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Katrina Kane, 28, Washington Hollow, NY
Jailed After Driving Drunk
Across State Police Front Lawn
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Katrina Kane, a 28-year-old New York woman, was jailed early
Thursday morning after she allegedly drove drunk across the
front lawn of a local State Police headquarters building.
According to police, officers were dispatched after
receiving a 911 call report of an erratic driver.
State Troopers soon located the vehicle and followed it
for observation.
Investigators say the vehicle left the roadway and proceeded
across the front lawn of Troop K headquarters located on
Route 44 and Route 82. The vehicle allegedly became stuck
or otherwise stopped in front of the building.
Kane, the driver, was administered a field sobriety test
and deemed intoxicated.
She was booked into the Dutchess County Jail and charged
with felony DUI. She was charged with a felony because
of her previous DWI conviction.
Her bail has been set at $15,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ormond
Re: Spreadsheet to web page
Dear Webby,
Is there an easy way to transfer part of a spreadsheet to
a web page?
Thanks
Ormond
Dear Ormond
Copy the parts, that you want to transfer, into a new
spreadsheet, and save that one as an HTML web page.
Open that file, and copy the entire table that is in it,
and paste it into the page where you want it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Countertops with Plastic Lids
I overheard my husband telling his sister about something
I have been doing for a long time. I figured if it impressed
him, I should share it. When I open a new can of coffee, I
take the plastic top from the old can and put it on the
bottom of the new can. The plastic will help to protect
your countertops.
By Marty Dick
I also keep a coffee can lid beside the stove for times,
when I don't want to use a water filled Pyrex 1 Liter
measuring cup to put wooden spoons or ladles into.
For just one wooden spoon or flipper it's not worth filling
the measuring cup, so I lay the tool onto a coffee can lid.
Those plastic can lids rinse easyly and quickly, and since
there are always more, it's no big deal to discard a messy
one.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair
in the library, reading a newspaper.
Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts,
"Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!"
The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says,
"James, please. I have already told you. If you do have
something important to tell me, first knock on the door,
then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and
civilized manner. Now please, do so."
James apologizes and closes the door behind him. Three
seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door.
"Yes?"
James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture,
makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter,
then says, "Sir, the Thames."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped clean the house
and set the table when company was due for dinner.
Everything was ready when the guests arrived, and they were
seated at the table. Susan's mother noticed something was
missing and said, "Susan, why didn't you put a knife and fork
at Mr. Thompson's place."
Little Susan explained frankly, "I thought he wouldn't need
them, because Daddy says he always eats like a horse."
Today, Oct 24, in
1537 Jane Seymour, the third wife of England's King Henry VIII,
died after giving birth to Prince Edward. Prince Edward
became King Edward VI.
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the
Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty
Years War.
1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria,
Prussia, and Russia.
1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous
friction safety match.
1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent
when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a
telegram to U.S. President Lincoln.
1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor, 63, became the first person
to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel.
1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million
shares on the stock market. The day is known as
"Black Thursday."
1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened
for traffic between New York and New Jersey.
1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first
time in Wilmington, DE.
1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect
under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938.
1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less
than a month after the end of World War II.
1945 Pierre Laval of France and Vidkum Abraham Quisling
of Norway were executed. The two men were recognized as
the two most prominent collaborators of the Nazis.
1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It
was in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War
Investigating Committee.
1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was
nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and
foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6/1960.
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces
went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation
for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The U.S.
blockade of Cuba officially began on this day.
1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a
69-carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million.
1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian
was convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the
trial led to the belief that Syria was involved in the
attack on the Israeli jetliner.
1989 Reverend Jim Bakker was sentenced to 45 years in prison
and fined $500,000 for his conviction on 24 counts of fraud.
In 1991, his sentence was reduced to eighteen years and he
was released on parole after a total five years in prison.
1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to
win the World Series.
1997 In Arlington, VA, former NBC sportscaster Marv Albert
was spared a jail sentence after a courtroom apology to
the woman he'd bitten during a sexual encounter.
1999 An Israeli court sentenced American teen-ager Samuel
Sheinbein to 24 years in prison. The crime was killing an
acquaintance in Maryland in 1997.
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation
that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap
all of a person's telephone conversation and track people's
use of the Internet.
2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered
orbit around Mars.
2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde
flight landed.
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Sending SMS messages from a computer
Wednesday, October 23, 2013, 10:41 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 23
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance,
everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a
cat that will ignore him.
--- Dereke Bruce
If you have weird vegetarian friends it is best not to
invite them to a barbecue.
--- Scott Adam
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on
Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a
sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife.
She hasn't talk to me in over six mont."
Ole sips his beer and says,
"Ve can trade. Mine has not shut up for six mont."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son
to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough,
one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus,
the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy."
Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?"
He replied, "They're all nocturnal."
This was yesterday's sunset. I didn't want to wait with
Betty's morning picture any longer, so my pictures are
here now.
Click on the picture for the large version
I noticed a pulsing blast. Interesting is that it is further
back than the old microwave tower, but closer than the cell
tower on the next ridge. Also notice the thin targeting beam
versus the big fat blast.
Click on the picture for the large version
Click on the picture for the large version
Is that a blast from or at a UFO?
You tell me!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andre Laurens Crane, Lawrenceville, GA
Sentenced To Life In Prison After Recording
System Designed To Catch Wife Cheating
Provides Evidence In Child Molestation Case
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Andre Laurens Crane, a Gwinnett County Georgia man, was
sentenced to jail Thursday after he was caught molesting
his step daughter by the very same audio recording system
he intended to use to catch his wife cheating.
According to police, Crane was arrested last October when
an audio recording system he set up to catch his wife
cheating proved to be his own undoing.
Investigators say Crane barricaded himself inside his home
and attempted to commit suicide after the audio system was
discovered and listened to. The audio system reportedly
contained evidence that Crane had been molesting his
15-year-old step daughter.
The investigation later revealed that Crane had been
molesting his step daughter since she was 11 years old.
Crane was booked into jail and charged with six counts
of child molestation/ aggravated sexual battery.
During Crane's trial in Gwinnett County, jurors needed only
an hour to find him guilty on all six counts.
He was sentenced to life in prison plus 10 years.
Crane now faces additional charges of child molestation
and aggravated sexual battery in Hall County.
Tech Support Pits
From: Dan
Re: emailing to phones
Dear Webby,
another question. i stumbled onto a program that allows a
person to send an email from your desk top to a cell phone
equipped with a screen.naturally i forgot where i found it,
but i do know it works because i emailed my sister-in-law.
would you happen to know the program name?
thanks,
dan
Dear Dan
The easiest way to do that is to use Skype.
Add the recipient's cell phone number in the MOBILE slot.
Then open a chat message to thet person.
Look for the tiny switch in the left bottom corner and
switch from Skype to SMS Mobile
Now, when you type a message and hit Enter, it will show
up as a text message on their mobile phone.
If you don't have Skype, you can use TeleFlip
You need the cell phone number of the recipient, for example
123 456 7890
Then enter
1234567890@teleflip.com
into the TO line.
Type up to 160 characters and hit SEND.
If you have a big, beautiful signature box,
disable that for sending SMS messages to cell phones.
The message will usually get cut off at 160 characters
anyway, but that can make it look silly.
Instead of teleflip you can try the name of the carrier.
TRY! Not all of them work that way all of the time.
Bell, for example usually doesn't.
Alltel: @message.alltel.com
1234567890@message.alltel.com
Nextel: @messaging.nextel.com
Sprint: @messaging.sprintpcs.com
SunCom: @tms.suncom.com
T-mobile: @tmomail.net
VoiceStream: @voicestream.net
Verizon: @vtext.com (text only) or
@vzwpix.com (photos and video)
You can get the address of a phone from the SMS gateway at
http://www.freesmsgateway.info/
However, test it out, don't just put it into your address
book. For example, for Barb, my neighbor, on Bell, the
SMSgateway gives 4035541****@txt.bellmobility.ca
Mails sent to that don't arrive at her phone.
Flipping that little switch at the left bottom of the Skype
message window does work just fine to send SMS messages
to her.
Keep in mind though, to turn that back to Skype or you will
get yelled at for being a nuisance, if you are sending SMS
messages, when you could send regular Skype messages, after
the recipient is at her or his home machine again.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Laundry Detergent
Making your own powdered detergent is a lot easier, less
mess, and doesn't take up all the space. Here is the
recipe I found online and now use.
Ingredients:
1 bar Ivory soap (or 2/3 bar Fels Naptha)
1/2 cup borax
1/2 cup washing soda (found in the laundry aisle)
Directions
Grate 1 bar of Ivory soap (or other not strongly scented
bar soap). Add 1/2 cup of borax. Add 1/2 cup washing soda.
Mix together and store in air tight container. Use 1-2 tablespoons per load.
This recipe is for a low-sudsing detergent and works
especially well in high efficiency washing machines.
Source: homemadelaundrysoap.net
By Alice from Poteau, OK
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher.
The father liked to inspect every new thing that came into
the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the
display count down all forty-four minutes of the
dishwashing cycle.
Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting,
"It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!"
The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be
broken after only one use, but he insisted that because
they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless.
She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on
the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser:
USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah
announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had
stolen two towels.
"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa,
"that wasn't very nice of her to do."
"It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the best
towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel
on our honeymoon."
Today, Oct 23, in
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces defeated the
Confederate forces in Missouri
1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make
a public solo airplane flight in the United States.
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote
with a march in New York City, NY.
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the
Great Depression.
1942 During World War II, the British began a major
offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began.
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter
Hungary and eventually suppress the uprising.
1956 NBC broadcasted the first videotape recording. The
tape of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in U.S.
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded
the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse
the honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won
the award for writing "Dr. Zhivago".
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon."
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
seat Communist China.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over
the subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair.
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of
hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications.
1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin
was announced.
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after
33 years of Soviet rule.
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese
emperor to stand on Chinese soil.
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II.
2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG)
and Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and
exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program
with Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to
exclusive "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise
starting in fall 2001. The film was scheduled for
re-release in the spring of 2002.
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What to use when you expect long phone wait times
Tuesday, October 22, 2013, 10:55 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 22.
No, I don't have a virus. The reason for the extra sendings
were that some subscribers thought they did not receive their
newsletters and requested, that I try again.
No problem.
That ofcourse di dnot change their spam settings,and it went
into their spam folder again. I hope they have made some
filters by now!
I started in 1993 with keeping the Subject line consistent,
always starting it with "Humor: ", so that people with
Eudora or Pegasus could automatically filter it into their
Humor folders. In those days spam was not a problem,
but sorting the mail automatically was kinda cool.
It actually still is!
Different topic:
According to Calgary TV a new Ransom Ware trojan is going
around. Apparently, if you click on a not quite legit notice
from a bank or financial institution, it encrypts your files,
and if you don't pay a ransom in 72 hours, your files will
be destroyed. Apparently they found out the hard way, that
it was not an empty threat.
Apparently McAfee will shield you from that, and no
Humor Letter subscribers have been infected with that.
I guess they listened to me nagging at them for 25 years.
Common sense will also help. If you get an email pretending
to be from your bank or PayPal, and it looks not 100% legit,
dump it. Unless you can afford a $300 ransom, don't gamble!
When a full page about that virus is on top at the TV station
site on election night, I would guess somebody at the TV
station got hit and somebody did a bunch of yelling and
screaming.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
It often requires more courage to dare to do right
than to fear to do wrong.
--- Abraham Lincoln
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
2013 A.D. - "Fill out these forms and make an appointment to
see me next month."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the
difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said.
"If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his money
out of his wallet, what would I be?"
Little Jenny raises her hand, and with a confident smile,
she blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Foggy Morning on the island
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Christopher Chiappetta, 26, Bellevue, PA
Substitute Teacher Jailed After Officer
Finds Him Passed Out On Heroin
In Front Of Class
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Christopher Chiappetta, a 26-year-old substitute teacher at
Northgate High School, was jailed Wednesday after he
allegedly passed out in front of 11 students after
drugging up on heroin.
According to Bellevue Police, an investigation was launched
Wednesday after a school resource officer found Chiappetta
slumped over on his desk in front of his class.
Investigators say the officer was patrolling the school
hallways when he passed Chiappetta's classroom and noticed
something wrong.
"He was very disoriented," said resource officer Michael
Hudson. "He appeared to be under the influence of drugs
or alcohol."
The officer and the school principal were questioning
Chiappetta about his behavior when a stamp bag of heroin
fell out of his pocket. Officers eventually recovered four
baggies of heroin from Chiappetta's pockets and marijuana
from his car.
Chiappetta initially denied using any narcotics or alcohol,
but later admitted to using heroin at around 6 a.m. that
morning.
He was booked into the Allegheny County Jail and charged
with drug possession and child endangerment. He remains
held in lieu of $10,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Tracy
Re: Calling with long wait times
Dear Webby,
You mentioned some way to make calling places, where they
make you wait a bit easier, but at the time, that did not
seem important, so I ignored it. Now I need that info.
Can you please tell us again?
Thanks
Tracy
Dear Tracy
I use Skype.
Even though I COULD use a head-set (earphones plus boom
microphone), I prefer to let the sound play in the external
speakers. The headset hangs up beside the monitor and it's
microphone picks up my voice quite nicely.
Skype has a dial-pad for punching in numbers. The numeric
keypad on the keyboard works fine and they can never belive
how fast I can punch in numbers. The top numbers work too.
Calling a land line is a penny (Euro) per minute. Since
the dollar fell, that is almost 2 cents US$ now, but that
is a lot less than using up your regular phone minutes.
Voice quality is excellent, and you can really crank the
volume if you need to go to the kitchen to make another
pot of coffee. Don't worry about the microphone. Those
boom microphones are not directional and pick up your
voice from a long distance.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cold-Eze To Shorten Cold
As soon as you feel a cold coming on, try taking the product
"Cold-Eze". They are drops that contain Zinc. They can alter
the taste of your food for a while, but they really do help.
By Darla from Grand Prairie, TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Mary-Beth for this story:
Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people
hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a
hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and
after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight.
He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the
wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin' on the porch swing,
talkin 'bout the good ol' days when maw spots the biggest
bird she has ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up, "Git mah gun, Maw."
Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun.
He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG!
The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the
tree tops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role
of the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his
wife answered.
An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"
"Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife
asked.
"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open,
and there's a burglar in it."
Today, Oct 22, in
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered.
It later became known as Princeton University.
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally
elected president of the Republic of Texas.
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament.
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing
money from many New York banks.
1934 Charles "Pretty Boy" Floyd, the notorious bank robber,
was shot and killed by Federal agents in East Liverpool, OH.
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO).
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The
spacecraft had orbited the Earth 163 times.
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was
allowed into the U.S. for medical treatment. He had been
installed by the CIA, but abandoned, when the Ayatolla took
the Embassy and the University hostage.
1986 U.S. President Reagan signed the Tax Reform Act of 1986 into law.
1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade Association
agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations by the year 1993.
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed
in July.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications
downloaded.
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days)
for the longest continuous human occupation of space. It had
been continously inhabited since November 2, 2000.
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Monday, October 21, 2013, 09:12 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 19.
Thanks Ray!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
It often requires more courage to dare to do right
than to fear to do wrong.
--- Abraham Lincoln
"A timid person is frightened before a danger,
a coward during the time,
and a courageous person afterward."
--- Jean Paul Richter
Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the
fare to the train station?"
"Sixty cents," said the driver.
As the bus pulled away the man raced alongside it until the
next stop. When the doors opened again he gasped, "How much
is the fare now?"
"Ninety cents," said the driver. "You're running the wrong
way."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
>From Kara
Why trick-or-treat is better than sex
10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something
in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. It's OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're
someone else, because you ARE someone else.
5. 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the Number 1 Reason Trick-Or-Treating is Better Than Sex:
1. You can "do" the whole neighborhood!!!
--------------
Personally, I disagree with Kara.
I'm a Diabetic, and can do without candy quite well.
Thanks to Nana Rina for this picture
Click on the picture for the large version
Wave Walker
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Luis Santana, 32, Waterbury, Connecticut
Birdbrain: Man Arrested For Throwing Parrot
Into The Face Of Pursuing Police Officer
Reported by The Smoking Gun
While being chased by a cop, a Connecticut man threw a
parrot at his uniformed pursuer, who was bit on the hand
when trying to shield himself from the feathered projectile.
Luis Santana, 32, was arrested Tuesday night on several
charges, including assaulting a police officer, disorderly
conduct, and animal cruelty.
A patrolman responding to a call about a fight encountered
Santana on a Waterbury street around 10 PM. When Santana
bolted, bird in hand, Officer Gary Kichar gave chase.
While fleeing, Santana turned and threw the white parrot
at Kichar’s head. When the cop raised his hand to protect
himself, the bird bit his finger.
Kichar was treated at the scene for the bird bite.
The parrot was initially turned over to animal control
officials.
Santana was apprehended while hiding in a nearby building.
Free on bond, he is scheduled for a November 18 court appearance.
Following the bird tossing, investigators learned of a
burglary Tuesday evening during which jewelry and a parrot
were stolen. Santana is a suspect in that crime, according
to Deputy Chief Chris Corbett of the Waterbury Police
Department. Corbett added that the parrot was later
reunited with its owner.
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Emergency Shutdown
Dear Webby,
I used to use the Task Manager to shut down whenever
Windows got bunged up and stuck. CTRL ALT DELETE works
sometimes, to get to the Task Manager, and
CTRL SHIFT ESC works sometimes, but other times neither
of them work. Is tehre some other way?
Wendy
Dear Wendy
If you can't use it to shut down a stuck program and can't
even use the keyboard any more, try this:
Hit the Windows key and R
It opens the command line and now the keyboard lets you
type again, at least in that command line. Type:
shutdown -r
Now Windows will shut down one program at a time,
but it will prompt you to save unsaved files.
Save them.
Once the program by program shutdown gets past the
program that caused the trouble, you can cancel the
shut-down, or you can let it complete. Best is to let
it complete and do a reboot.
Then run Crap Cleaner to clean up the mess left behind
during the emergency shut-down.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Burnt Oil From a Frying Pan
I forgot to remove my pan from the burner after frying
taco shells, causing the oil to burn onto the pan.
Approximate Time: 10 minutes
Supplies:
1 Tbsp Dawn dish soap
water
Steps:
Add Dawn dish soap to the pan. Fill the pan about halfway
with water.
Put the pan on the stove and boil for about 5 minutes. Be
sure to set a timer.
Using a metal spatula, carefully scrap away as much of the
oil as possible. NOTE: Do not use a metal spatula on a
non-stick pan.
Empty the soap water into the sink. Then scrub with a
sponge to remove any remaining oil.
By lalala...
A lot of old-timers will disagree with that.
In the days of cast iron frying pans, you had to "season"
the frying pan by burning an oil patina onto it. A properly
seasoned frying pan is just as slick as a brand new Teflon
"non-stick" pan.
There used to be lots of jokes about a city girl visiting
her boyfriend's Gramma and while doing the dishes, scrubbed
the frying pan with Comet and steel wool to get down to
bare metal.
Naturally, when Gramma saw that, she gonged the city girl
with the frying pan and kicked her out of the house.
To season a frying pan, scrub it with Comet to remove any
splotches of previous seasoning and make it look perfectly
clean and even. Outside too.
Put some peanut oil into the pan, and rub the outside with
a rag dipped in the oil. You COULD use other oil, or even
bacon rinds, but peanut oil can take more heat before it
smokes.
Turn on the burner and open all windows. It is going to get
smokey!
If dry spots appear in the pan before it smokes, pour more
oil onto the dry spots.
When it smokes, don't panic. It is supposed to. Keep the
burner on. That opens the pores in the cast and allows oil
into the pores. When the pan smokes evenly, THEN you can
turn the burner off. Ideally, you still have some oil showing.
That is good! Don't pour it out. Let the pan cool and the
smoke waft out the windows.
Once the pan is completely cold, THEN pour out the excess oil.
You now have a frying pan that you can use to flip and even
double trick flip pancakes and crepes.
Naturally you don't let anybody use soap or Comet or steel
wool on the inside of a seasoned frying pan. Just water and
a sponge is all that is needed. The burned in oil patina is
just as durable as today's fashionable Teflon, but whereas
you have to throw away a Teflon pan after a year or so, a
cast iron pan just needs scrubbing and a new seasoning.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called
his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand
motherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your
wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their
backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and
asked, "Mrs. Jones. do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he
has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship
with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in
the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife
with three different women, one of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench,
and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you asks
her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt
and personally throw away the key."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A cute young woman is giving a man in the barbershop a
manicure. The man says, "How about a date later?"
"I'm married," she answers.
With a wink he says, "So, just tell him you're going out with your
girlfriends."
"Tell him yourself," she says. "He's shaving you."
Today, Oct 20, in
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor.
1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain.
The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet.
1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris.
1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp.
It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out.
1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War
I near Nancy, France.
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY.
1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had
fined 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.
1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time.
1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet.
1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC,
in opposition to the Vietnam War.
1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed
to Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there.
1986 Pro-Iranian kidnappers in Lebanon claimed that they
had abducted American writer Edward Tracy. He was not
released until August of 1991.
1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The
action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five
American spies.
1988 Former Philippine President Ferdinand E. Marcos and
his wife, Imelda, were indicted in New York on fraud and
racketeering charges. Marcos died before his trial and
Imelda was acquitted in 1990.
1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was
released after nearly five years of being imprisoned.
1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring
North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to
inspections.
1994 Rosario Ames, the wife of CIA agent Aldrich Ames, was
sentenced to five years in prison for her role in her
husband's espionage.
2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial
birth abortions.
2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's
offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for
the communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons
program.
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Sunday, October 20, 2013, 08:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 19.
Thanks Ray!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease.
Sometimes it gets replaced.
--- Vic Gold
On her way back from the concession stand, Trisha asked the
man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a
few minutes ago?"
Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did."
Trisha nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have
a pint of Less, please?"
"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled,
"I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"
"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see
my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."
Thanks to Nana Rina for this picture
Click on the picture for the large version
The Sudden Action button
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
SanJuanita Carbajal, 58, now in Maricopa County Jail
Grandmother Charged With Giving
9-Year-Old Grandchild Drugs,
In An Attempt To Have Girl's Father
Charged With Drug Possession
Reported by The Weekly Vice
SanJuanita Carbajal, a 58-year-old Texas woman, was jailed
Wednesday after she allegedly gave her 9-year-old granddaughter
several packets of cocaine in an attempt to frame the child's
father for drug possession.
According to Gilbert Police, officers were dispatched to
Pioneer Elementary School Wednesday after school
administrators discovered that the little girl was in
possession of several small packets that they believed
to be cocaine.
Arriving officers performed a field test on the substance
and confirmed that it was cocaine.
When officers interviewed the child, she reportedly told
them that she found the drug packets in her father's truck.
After further questioning, the little girl admitted that
Carbajal had given her the drugs with instructions to hide
them inside her father's truck.
When officers asked the girl who she would rather live with,
the girl emphatically replied "Grandma Janey!"
The girl's father told investigators that the girl had been
at the center of a long, drawn-out custody fight between
himself, the girl's mother and Carbajal. The situation
apparently intensified after the father was awarded
residential custody.
At some point during the custody dispute, Carbajal attempted
to gain custody of the child, but was unsuccessful.
The girl's mother reportedly told investigators that her
mother's sisters are drug dealers, and she believes that
her mother attempted to set her and the child's father up
using drugs acquired from her sisters. The girl's mother
is not a suspect in the case.
The girl's father told investigators that he doesn't use
narcotics and asked officers to search his truck. Officers
took him up on his offer Monday and found no trace of cocaine
or other narcotics inside his vehicle. On Tuesday, however,
the father called police and reported that a bag of cocaine
mysteriously appeared inside his truck after dropping his
daughter off at school.
After multiple interviews with all parties involved,
investigators determined that Carbajal gave her granddaughter
the drugs, hoping a drug conviction would give her the edge
she needed to launch a new custody fight.
Carbajal, who was visiting Arizona from Texas, was booked
into the Maricopa County Jail and charged with child abuse.
Tech Support Pits
From: MaryLou
Re: Mystery typing
Dear Webby,
When I type an email, or whatever, my cursor jumps around
and I have trouble finding it. Very disturbing to say the
least. Any suggestions on how to solve this problem?
Thanks, Webby, you are always so helpful, and I LOVE your newsletter.
MaryLou
Dear MaryLou
The problem is the silly touch pad right where your thumb is.
Take a piece of stiff cardboard and cut it to fit over the
thumb pad. You can even use a big piece and cover the entire
area between the keyboard and the lower edge. You can use
double-sided tape or removable post-it-note type glue
(in glue stick form) to attach it.
Hotmelt glue works well too.
The alternative is to cuss and swear every time your thumb
touches or almost touches the silly thumb pad.
You probably have a mouse. If you don't, get one before you
cover the thumb pad! Mice are from $4.95 to $129
Personally I prefer mice with additional side buttons for
copy and paste, but that is a preference, not a necessity.
There is a software method to disable the thumb pad, but then
you are held hostage. In case your mouse dies, or had been
forgotten at home, you won't be able to re-enable the touch
pad. Therefore it is safer to just cover the silly touch
pad with cardboard. If necessary, you can always remove the
cardboard.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Cut Flowers Last Longer
To make cut flowers last for weeks instead of days, use
7-Up or Sprite instead of water. Cut the ends every other
day or so and freshen the liquid. Roses last for weeks!
By grandmadan
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and
says, "I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are
divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I'm sick of
her, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister
in Boston and tell her," and then hangs up.
The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon
hearing the news.
She calls her father and yells, "You are not getting a
divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then,
don't do a single thing, do you hear me?"
The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says,
"It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they're
paying their own way!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Bob meets Bill at the bar after work and is looking down in
the dumps.
"Whats wrong now Bob," asked Bill.
Bob replies, "They called in a management team and gave
everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were
best suited for."
"Yeah, so whats the problem with that," asks Bill.
Bob sighs, "Well, it seems I'm best suited for retirement."
Today, Oct 20, in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary
and Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman
Emperor Charles VI. Maria Theresa bore 25 kids during her
reign.
1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of
America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all
citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage
all horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting,
exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions
and entertainment."
1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase.
1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary
between the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel.
1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek
War for Independence.
1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that
took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist
Headquarters.
1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines.
1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American
Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist
influence within the motion picture industry.
1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in Kenya.
1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis.
1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that
banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific.
2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without safety
devices and survived. He was charged with illegally
performing a stunt.
2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets.
2013 smiled
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Computer keeps shutting down
Saturday, October 19, 2013, 08:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 19.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The more you seek security, the less of it you have.
But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that
you will achieve the security that you desire."
--- Brian Tracy
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
--- Jodie Foster
>From Dave
*The danger of having sports role models for kids*
*1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role
model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to
me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
** **
**2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about
the upcoming season: **"I want to rush for 1,000 or
1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
** **
**3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
**"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt
Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's
Mom, too."
** **
**4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins: **"He treat us like mens. He let us
wear earrings."
** **
**5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
**"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A geniu
s is a guy like Norman Einstein."
** **
**6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
**"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
** **
**7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: **"You guys
line up alphabetically by height."
** **
**8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
**"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went
to prison for three years, not Princeton .."
** **
**9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining
why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
**"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still
find my clothes."
** **
**10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan
training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
**"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning,
regardless of what time it is."
** **
**11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
practice: **"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know
if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
** **
**12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
**"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance
or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.''
** **
**13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's and
one D: **"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time
on one subject."
** **
**14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
**"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."
** **
**Ah, but they all ride to the bank in a Mercedes...*
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
A kindergarten teacher was receiving birthday gifts from
her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift.
She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know
what it is. Some flowers."
"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said,
"I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner.
The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking.
She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and
touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop
of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring,
"I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy-dog!"
Thanks to Nana Rina for this picture
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Nicole Maxine Passmore, 25, Myrtle Beach, SC
Hooker Attacked Patron Over
Lap Dance Refusal
Reported by The Smoking Gun
A stripper is facing an assault rap after she allegedly
beat on a male customer who turned down her repeated
attempts to perform a lap dance inside a South Carolina
club, cops report.
Nicole Maxine Passmore, 25, was busted late last night for
misdemeanor assault in connection with the confrontation at
Masters Gentlemen’s Club in Myrtle Beach.
According to a police report, patron Ernest Kadlick, 31,
told officers that he was “having a good time in the club”
with friends when Passmore (seen above) approached them
and repeatedly tried to “dance on him” while attempting to
take money that Kadlick had placed on his table.
After turning down Passmore for a third and final time,
Kadlick said that the dancer, who had launched into a lap
dance and acted like she was entitled to the money on the
table, told him that he had a “sweet receding hairline.”
In response, Kadlick declared, “Yeah, and you’re a snaggle
toothed bitch!” (witch ?)
According to Kadlick and several witnesses interviewed by
Myrtle Beach Police Department investigators, the 5’ 6”
Passmore then “got up and started striking [Kadlick] in
the face…approximately 5-6 times.”
Kadlick and his friends then left the club and police
were called.
When an officer arrived at the strip joint, they found
Kadlick holding a towel full of ice against his face.
A cop reported observing “a welt coming from the area
of left eyebrow.”
Passmore claimed that she struck Kadlick in response to
being pushed by him (though there were no witnesses to
corroborate that assertion). Passmore was then arrested
and transported to the Myrtle Beach jail, where she was
subsequently charged and released on bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Fran
Re: Computer keeps shutting down
Dear Webby,
I "inherited" this super high preformance computer from my
son. It keept shutting down on him right in the middle of
games and he got disgusted with it. I tried it, just here
on the table before putting it under my desk, and it seems
to work OK for me. Is there anything I should do before
I switch it out with my old clunker?
Thanks
Fran
Dear Fran
Open up the side panel and vacuum it out. If you see any
heat sinks, clean them with q-tips and windex. If you can
remove the shroud over the CPU fan, clean under that too.
After putting it back together, don't put that machine into
a desk hutch or confined space.
Insted of putting it right on the floor, set it on a couple
of bricks or wooden blocks.
Give it lots of air. It will probably be fine for many years,
as long as you clean it out once a year and give it plenty
of air.
And I bet your son's new computer, if he sticks it into the
same airless cubbyhole, will keep shutting down on him just
like the previous one did.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hiding Passwords
Keep your passwords on the back of a picture in a frame
that is somewhere you can easily access. That way, you
will always have your passwords available, but someone
else won't know they are there! All they see are pictures
in frames. I have even used the magnetic frames so they
are easy to move around.
By grandmadan
Try the free Roboform!
Or you can do it the long way, and hope you won't get
sidetracked by all the ads at http://roboform.com
Roboform lets you store THOUSANDS of passwords for
different sites and programs. It has a master password,
so that you can access it even from totally different
computers, when you go visiting. Roboform knows which
password belongs to your savings account and which one
to your Facebook account, and so on.
As an added bonus, it has a password generator, that makes
up safe passwords. Don't worry if they are awful looking
tongue breakers, that nobody can memorize.
RoboForm remembers them for you.
You can even synchronize your passwords between desktop
and laptop!
I have used RoboForm for over a dozen years, and it has
never disappointed me.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny
during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho.
Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it
definitely is not him.
The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the
whole incident.
The principal replies that he knows little Johnny and
his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if
little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal
is satisfied that it is the truth.
Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head
of Education and relates the whole story.
After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making
such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix
the damned wall."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying
on stretchers next to each other, outside
the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are
you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my
tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to
worry about. I had that done when I was four.
They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they
give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.
It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was
born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
Today, Oct 19, in
1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to
U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It was
the last major battle of the American Revolutionary War.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat
out of Russia after a month of chasing the retreating
Russian army.
1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used
to pick up mail in Washington, DC.
1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the
president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts
of Mexico except where Carranza was in control.
1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by
the Berlin Organization Committee.
1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in
Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R.,
Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims
and cooperation between the nations.
1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be allowed
into WAVES (Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service).
1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean capital
of Pyongyang.
1951 U.S. President Truman singed an act officially ending the
state of war with Germany.
1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba
covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain
food products.
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to
anti-Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of
impudent snobs."
1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City.
1983 The U.S. Senate approved a bill establishing a national
holiday in honor of Martin Luther King Jr.
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional
amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag.
1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing
license back after he had lost it for biting Evander
Holyfield's ear during a fight.
2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear
plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the
banks of the Thames River. He survived only on water for
44 days. Blaine had entered the box on September 5.
2013 smiled
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Friday, October 18, 2013, 08:01 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 18.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living."
--- Doug Larson
First thing - every single morning - one of the secretaries
in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horo-
scope aloud.
"Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal,
levelheaded person. Do you really believe in astrology?"
"Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical we
Capricorns are."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
>From Rick
Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college
graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the
diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please
stand up?"
My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum
Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"
Yesterday's cactus picture was from my dad.
That Gymnocalytium Friederisii had bloomed day before yesterday.
Today's picture was sent by Nana Rina.
Click on the picture for the large version
Some Cupids apparently request cooperation,
and insist on it.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Carlton Walker Jr, Middlesex County, Virginia
Jailed After Calling 911 To Report
She Was Too Drunk To Get Out Of Car
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Carol Frances Omeara, a 55-year-old Montana woman, was
jailed Tuesday after she called 911 to complain that she
was too drunk to get out of her vehicle.
According to police, an officer was dispatched to Omeara's
residence Tuesday at about 10 p.m. after she called 911 to
complain that she was having trouble getting out of her
vehicle.
When the dispatcher asked Omeara if she was having a medical
issue or mechanical issue, Omeara replied "No, I'm just too
damn drunk."
Officers arrived at the residence to find Omeara inside a
vehicle parked outside of her residence. Omeara told officers
that she had been at a local bar for about 5 hours before
driving home. After arriving home, she spent the next four
hours trying to get out of her car before calling 911.
Officers administered a breath test which reported a blood
alcohol content level of .311 or almost 4 times the legal
limit.
Omeara was booked into jail and charged with felony DUI.
She remains held in lieu of $3,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Alma
Re: Need a good alarm
Dear Webby,
I need an alarm that tells me it is time to check what is
boiling in the kitchen. I am not playing games, just writing,
but tend to get carried a way.
What have you got in your bag of tricks?
Alma
Dear Alma
I use Alarm
It is free, easy to use, and 100% reliable.
You can use the built in alarm sound, which is just as noisy
as the Skype call to video, or you can use any music file,
that you got. Yes, ANY.
It is not intended as a bedside alarm to wake you in the
morning, and it does not turn the computer on or bring it
out of hibernation. It is strictly just for when the
computer is running, but you are busy doing something
other than watching the clock.
I have used this Alarm for many years, and it has never
let me down.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remembering the Order
of the Planets
This is a great way to remember the planets to
teach to your kids!
My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nachos
My = Mercury
Very = Venus
Eager = Earth
Mother = Mars
Just = Jupiter
Served = Saturn
Us = Uranus
Nachos = Neptune
Hope this helps!
By Jennapatrice
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t
fit you in for at least two weeks.”
“But I could be dead by then!”
“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the
appointment and won't charge you for it.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant
with the prospective job.
"We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required
to work with lenses that are a thousandths of an
inch thick."
"I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to
slice meat in Moishe Goldbaum's delicatessen. I can slice
ham so thin, that it is kosher."
Today, Oct 18, in
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The
marriage united all the dominions of Spain.
1685 King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes,
which had established the legal toleration of the Protestant
population.
1767 The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the boundary
between Maryland and Pennsylvania.
1842 Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph cable.
1860 British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of
the Second Opium War.
1867 The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia.
The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars
(2 cents per acre).
1892 The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago,
IL, and New York City, NY, was opened.
1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one
year after the Caribbean nation won its independence
from Spain.
1929 The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council
ruled that women were to be considered as persons in Canada.
1944 Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during
World War II.
1956 NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of
radio-equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks.
1958 The first computer-arranged marriage took place on
Art Linkletter's show.
1969 The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners
due to evidence that they caused cancer.
1970 Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to
death after eight days of being held captive by the
Quebec Liberation Front (FLQ).
1983 General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities
for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission.
1989 The space shuttle Atlantis was launched on a mission
that included the deployment of the Galileo space probe.
1997 A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and
present, was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery.
2013 smiled
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Printing in landscape format
Thursday, October 17, 2013, 09:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 17
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats.
I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing
exercises.
--- Buzz Aldrin, Astronaut (1930 - )
An old guy went to his doctor and said,
"Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately,
I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senility," replied the doctor.
"Senility is when you forget to zip down."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on
a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want
to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes
up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone,
telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free
drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the
bartender gives him his tab.
The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!"
The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really
busy in here and I must have forgotten."
The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened,
so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then
informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender
asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes.
Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender
gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I
ordered the drink."
"I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's
wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this
to."
"I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,...
Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way!"
Thanks to NanaRina for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Gymnocalytium-Friederisii
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Carlton Walker Jr, Middlesex County, Virginia
Father Jailed After Firing Shotgun
At Two Teens Who Returned His Daughter
Home Late
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Carlton Walker Jr. of Middlesex County, Virginia was jailed
earlier this month after he allegedly fired at two
teenagers who attempted to bring his daughter home late.
According to police, the concept of a father waiting at
home with a shotgun became a reality for his daughter and
two teenagers when the trio arrived home after midnight.
Investigators say Walker became angry, grabbed a shotgun
and confronted the two teens who were dropping his daughter
off.
When the two friends attempted to back out of the drive
way, Walker allegedly blocked them in, pointed a shotgun
at the vehicle and fired two rounds.
Walker then instructed his wife to call police with the
intention of having both teenagers charged with abduction.
When officers arrived on the scene, they questioned the
parties involved and took Walker into custody.
He was charged with two counts of abduction, two counts
of use of a firearm in the commission of a felony, and
two counts of firing into an occupied vehicle.
Tech Support Pits
From: Trudy
Re: Print in Landscape
Dear Webby,
I am sorry to bother you with this question: Besides your
Humor Letter, my other favorite pasttime is knitting. I
found some great patterns on the internet, but I am stomped.
It says that I have to be in the landscape mode to make
copies to fit on letter-size paper. I checked into the
space, it is on landscape, but when I want to make
copies, it still only prints about 3/4 of the pattern on
each line. What gives??
Thank you for your help. I have a Microsoft XP.
Thumbs up for your daily humor letter, it makes my day!
Sincerely
---Trudy
Dear Trudy
I don't know the first thing about knitting and patterns.
To print something like that, I would go into Page Setup
File
Page Setup
From there on it differs, depending on what kid of printer
you have.
On mine, I can set up a bunch of "Named" defaults. Each
of those can be totally different. For patterns, I would
name that default "Patterns", change the orientation to
"Landscape", set the color preferences, for example
"Greyscale", so that light blue "anti-copy" sections
come out as grey or black, set the dots per inch,
for example 150, and save that. Then every time I print
a pattern, I would select the "Patterns" default.
My printer, a fairly old DELL 1320c, keeps defaults going,
until a different default is selected.
Some other printers revert to the built in "Standard" after
turning it off and back on. Just play with it, and find out
which type you have.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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When I start to get sick, feeling feverish, any kind of
sore throat, or just feeling like I am coming down with
a cold or the flu, I immediately take 1000 milligrams of
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(450 mg ea). I take this twice a day for two or three
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years. I don't know if it works for everyone, but it is
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>From Joe
I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She
said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified
section, though."
I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!"
She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells,
coffee grounds and a few orange peels."
Today, Oct 17, in
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga,
NY. It was the turning point in the American
Revolutionary War.
1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine"
was released at newsstands.
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and
was sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released
in 1939.
1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after
leaving Germany.
1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina
after staging a coup in Buenos Aires.
1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries
including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed
from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria
attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo
lasted until March of 1974.
1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored
full U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President
Jefferson Davis.
1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel
Peace Prize.
1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale
hit the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake
caused about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages
up to $7 billion.
1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace
treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war.
2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical
Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out
the assassination to avenge the killing of its leader
by Israel 2 months earlier.
2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished
1,676-foot-tall-building called Taipei 101.
2013 smiled
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