Windows updating not completing 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 25.

Towns added:
>From Dr Bill
Gold Pants, Calif.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts. --- Jim Morrison (1943 - 1971) We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. --- Aneurin Bevan (1897 - 1960) "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else." --- Will Rogers
>From Dianne On Black Friday, a couple went Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed. As the wife walked through the mall, she looked around to find her husband, who was nowhere to be seen. She became quite upset, because they had a lot of shopping to do. When not being able to find him, she became worried. So, she called him on her cell phone and asked him where he was. In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went to about five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?" The wife became choked up and started to cry, then said, "Oh, honey! Yes, I do remember that shop." He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub, next door to it."

>From Lillemor Wife texts husband on cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open. Husband texts back: Gently pour some lukewarm water in small spray bottle and spray water on windows. Wife texts back 5 minutes later: Computer really screwed up now.
Click on the picture for the large version Airy, but maybe not hurricane proof.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karie Lindgren, 36, Tarpon Springs, Floriduh Jailed For Running Over Duck Who Rejected Her Advances Reported by The Weekly Vice Karie Lindgren, a 36-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly killed a duck after the animal rejected her advances. According to police, Lindgren became angry when she tried to lure a duck towards her with a piece of candy, but the duck refused to come to her. Witnesses say Lindgren "stalked the duck" in an attempt to win the animal's favor, but the duck would have no part of her. That's when she allegedly got into a car, drove across a lawn at a high rate of speed, and struck the animal with her vehicle. Officers who arrived on the scene found the dead duck laying in a driveway. Lindgren was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged with animal cruelty. She was released after posting $5,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Windows7 keeps updating Dear Webby: My Windows 7 has learned a new trick. When I shut it off, the screen informs me that it's installing one update. This happens every time I close down the computer. I've changed the Settings to "Inform Me Before Installing" but it ignores that. Help? Love, Rose Dear Rose Your settings will apply to future updates. It is still trying to finish one from before. Just let it finish, unless it is this Tuesday's. Some updates seem to take forever to finish, and are also very time consuming on the next start-up. That is normal for Windows 7 now. If you want fast and unobtrusive updates, then you will have to go to Linux. I can do updates and installs on a Linux server while a few throusand people are browsing sites on it, and none of them will notice it. If I have to reboot, it will appear to the visitors as if their connection had a momentary hick-up. Windows has an awfully long way to go to catch up to Linux! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Use Newspaper For Shipping Use newspaper to wrap gifts! It's especially nice when you ship to another state and you can read what's going on in that area. It saves money on the fancy wrappings. By Debbie Once upon a time, long, long ago, in the days when I still read newspapers, I used to save the Weekend Funnies for just that purpose. Funnies are never "Old News". People loved them! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian cookies. With all his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked hard with a wooden spoon by his wife. "GET OUT A HERE!" she shouted, "THEY'RE FORA DA FUNERAL!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies." Risking further embarrassment, the mother ask for details on how to make babies." "It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies."

» Mt Etna being an Ash Hole and belching more Ash and gases

Today, Nov 25, in
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to 
 be granted an English patent for cleaning and curing 
 Indian corn.
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British 
 captured Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh.
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated 
 New York. New York was their last military position in 
 the U.S.
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom.
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in 
 exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public 
 debts and settle border disputes.
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite.
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk.
1920 The first play-by-play broadcast of a football game 
 was aired in College Station, TX. The game was between 
 the University of Texas and Texas A&M.
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan 
 and Germany, was signed.
1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned 
 racial segregation on interstate trains and buses.
1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower suffered a stroke.
1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide 
 after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war constitution.
1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in 
 military coup.
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards 
 against the Detroit Lions.
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced 
 a cease-fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon.
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese 
 revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had 
 been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security 
 Advisor John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired.
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into 
 separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning 1993.
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean 
 dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being 
 sought by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution 
 for the crimes he was accused of having committed during 
 his rule.
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a 
 $5.5 billion bailout for Pakistan. 

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Windows 7 Gadgets are killed by update 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 24.
If you use "gadgets" like the clock or the CPU meter,
hold off with the current Windows update, and read today's
Tech Support Pits.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. --- Nick Diamos Sounds like parliament
>From Cookie Town Names of the South Toad Suck, Arkansas Grosse Tete, Louisiana Horneytown, North Carolina Twin Knobs, Kentucky Three Way, Tennessee Flea Hop, Alabama Beaver Lick, Kentucky Big Bone Lick state park, Kentucky Knob Lick, Kentucky Paint Lick, Kentucky Bald Knob, Arkansas Climax. Georgia Sugar Teat, South Carolina Wiener, Arkansas Tight squeeze, Virginia Intercourse, Pennsylvania Big Beaver, Michigan Possum Grape, Arkansas If you got more, send them to me! The North has SNAFU (S.N.A.F.U. = Situation Normal, All Fu..ed Up) TARFU (T.A.R.F.U. = Things Are Really Fu..ed Up in the Yukon. They started out as military and construction camps in 1941 during construction of the Alaska Highway, when somebody's compass malfunctioned and the road took off at a right angle going southward, towards the Atlin, BC hotsprings. When they got TARFU established, they realized the errors of their way, and went back to what became Jake's Corner, and headed northwest towards Whitehorse and Anchorage again. SNAFU and TARFU became common Army terms. The road was extended past TARFU towards Atlin in the 70's. The Yukon has lakes all over the place, and of course, those two army camps were built by nice fishing lakes, probably because it was easy to establish camps on the lake ice, and to supplement the food with fish. I have fished in both of those lakes a few times.

My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. (Uncle Joe swears it had nothing to do with the large quantities of alcohol consumed...) Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian Hounslow, 37, Tulsa, Oklahoma Jailed For Naked Masturbation Inside Walmart Women’s Bathroom Reported by The Smoking Gun An Oklahoma man was arrested yesterday for allegedly masturbating in the women’s bathroom at a Tulsa Walmart, a solo act that was interrupted by a female shopper who discovered the naked suspect around 8:30 AM, police report. Customer Beth Davis told police that she entered the restroom yesterday morning and found a nude man pleasuring himself in front of the mirror. Davis, who fled the bathroom in search of help, said that she later saw the suspect, now dressed, depart the bathroom and head for the Walmart’s exit. So the 61-year-old Davis, who told TSG she was “in panic mode”, began filming him with her cell phone, while providing accompanying narration: “My name is Beth Davis and I witnessed it. You were naked and had your pants down around your ankles. Someone stop him. Do not let him go out that door.” While the man ran from the store, a second shopper photographed his vehicle and its license plate. Within two hours, Tulsa cops arrested Brian Hounslow, 37, for felony indecent exposure. Hounslow, seen in the above mug shot, was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $5000 bond. According to a booking report, Hounslow confessed to sex crime detectives that he had been masturbating in the Walmart bathroom. The document also notes that Davis saw Hounslow’s “fully exposed turgid penis.” Davis, a grandmother of eight, said that Hounslow offered an apology, of sorts, when she confronted him after he left the restroom. Hounslow, she recalled, said, “I didn’t know it was the women’s bathroom.” Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Windows7 "Gadgets" disappeared Dear Webby, My Windows Gadgets disappeared, and I can't get them going again. I need my round clock! What's the story? Edith Dear Edith Forget the round clock. Microsoft has killed most gadgets, and has disabled the connections needed by third party gadgets. Apparently the sidebar connections were not authorized by the emperor, so they have been axed. Some Microsoft pages still tell you all about gadgets, but one of them says that the gadgets have been axed for security reasons. The official response is "Buy a new computer with W8, it has authorized apps for clocks." I agree that the task bar clock is too small. You can hit it, though, and see a round clock. Don't try to get third party clocks right now. They may look cute, but they don't work, many of them are unstable or not recommended for various reasons, and most of them come with ad ware and hard to get rid of slave ware like "intext.nav-links". So DON'T !!! Otherwise you might wind up with a new computer and W8 cussware sooner than planned. Just go to the Dollar Store and buy a goofy plastic watch and hang or glue it beside the monitor. Maybe by the time the watch battery runs out, we will have safe gadgets again. W8.1 is still Cuss-Ware, causing bad tempers and foul language. W8.3 is promised to be less of a user-hostile dud. Most likely your watch battery will last that long. The Microsoft CPU / Memory Meter gadget has been axed too. W7 apparently was not authorized to have that gadget. "Buy a new computer with W8, it has..." No thanks, I got work to do. Some of you probably have not installed Tuesday's Update yet. That update will murder your gadgets, when you activate it. You might want to procrastinate a bit with that, Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Cleaning Combs I use old toothbrushes for cleaning combs. Swish around shampoo in a sinkful of hot water, soak the combs for a few minutes and brush. By Michele Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Mac died at the controls of his plane and went to pilots' hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors. The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms." "I'll be right back--don't go away," said the devil, and he vanished. Sneaking over to the first door, Mac peeked in and saw a cockpit, where the pilot was condemned to forever run through pre-flight checks. He slammed that door and peeked into the second. There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another. Unable to imagine a worse fate, Mac cautiously opened the third door. He was amazed to see many beautiful, scantily clad flight attendants answering to a captain's every whim. He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared. "Okay, Mac," said the devil, "Which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?" "Um, I want door number 3," answered Mac. "Nope," said the devil. "You can't have door number 3. That's flight attendants' hell."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress. Nancy replied, "Silver." At that point, John chimed in, "Yep silver - - to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going barefoot." ... gt; src="" align=left>
» Mt Etna being an Ash Hole and belching more Ash and gases

Today, Nov 24, in
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. 
 They were both 14 years old.
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published 
 "On the Origin of Species." It was the paper in which 
 he explained his theory of evolution through the 
 process of natural selection.
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout 
 Mountain began in Tennessee.
1871 The National Rifle Association was incorporated 
 in the U.S.
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a 
 barbed fencing material.
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an 
 electric self-starter for an automobile.
1940 After Jewish Anti-Nazi riots, the Nazis closed off 
 the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland. Over the next three 
 years the population dropped from 350,000 to 70,000 
 due to escapes, starvation, disease and deportations 
 to concentration camps.
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the 
 Japanese capital of Tokyo was made by land-based 
 U.S. bombers.
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed 
 Lee Harvey Oswald live on national television.
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean 
 bringing an end to the second manned mission to the moon.
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted 
 from a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with 
 $200,000 in ransom. He was never caught.
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six 
 Israeli prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500
 Palestinians and Lebanese held by the Israelis.
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian 
 jetliner. 60 people died in the raid.
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap 
 short- and medium-range missiles. It was the first 
 superpower treaty to eliminate an entire class of 
 nuclear weapons. They were too unpredictable.
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned 
 after more than a week of protests against its policies.
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141.
1993 The U.S. Congress gave its final approval to the 
 Brady handgun control bill.
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old) 
 were convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of 
 Liverpool, England. They were both sentenced to 
 "indefinite detention, but have been released."
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a 
 constitutional amendment legalizing divorce.
1996 Rusty Wallace won the first NASCAR event held in Japan.
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their 
 purchase of Netscape for $4.21 billion. After that, 
 they shelved it and used IE. Then they bought Times-Warner,
 but were no match for the new York gang,  who transferred
 some staff and funds to New York, and then dumped AOL.

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PayPal account limit notice 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 23.

Thank you, Nikki!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
>From Roland Three Colorado nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read, "BEAR LEFT." So they turned around and went home.

Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"
Click on the picture for the large version Note the sunrise on the trees!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles "Chuck" Barry, 48, Trinity, Floriduh Jailed After Flashing Gun At Dunkin' Donuts, Demanding Police Officer Discount Reported by The Weekly Vice Charles "Chuck" Barry, a 48-year-old Florida man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly pretended to be a law enforcement officer to get a Dunkin' Donuts discount. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Barry pulled into a Dunkin' Donuts drive thru Tuesday morning, placed his order, and then pulled forward to the cashier's window in his Volkswagen minivan. Upon arriving at the window, Barry became "irate" when he learned that he would no longer be receiving a "law enforcement officer" discount on his purchases. Investigators say Barry and his family visited the restaurant on a regular basis, and argued with employees over getting the discount. The staff reportedly knew that Barry wasn't a real law enforcement officer because he sometimes claimed to be a federal air marshal while displaying a deputy's badge. Each time the store tried to withhold the discount, Barry would argue in the drive thru, holding up traffic, until the store gave in to his demand. The store eventually contacted the sheriff's office, who set up a surveillance system to record Barry's next visit. That didn't take long. On Tuesday morning, video surveillance cameras captured Barry as he verbally assaulted the cashier after learning that his LEO discount had been discontinued. At one point in the confrontation, Barry allegedly raised a .38 revolver and stated "See, I'm a cop." Deputies arrived at the scene as Barry was leaving the drive thru. Deputies stopped Barry and questioned him about his gun and asked to see his law enforcement credentials. Barry allegedly showed deputies the gun, his badge and stated "I did a stupid thing. I showed a badge to get the law enforcement discount on my food." He was immediately taken into custody. Barry was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with impersonating a law enforcement officer and improper exhibition of a firearm. He was released after posting $5150 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Diane Re: PayPal account limit notice Dear Webby, Did you get the PayPal account limit notice I forwared to you? In case you didn't, is an account limit notice like that legit? It has all the right colors and logos, but I vaguely remember you saying that if there is a link to click on, it is phony. It does have a link, but it looks legit. Trust it or dump it? Dianne Dear Dianne Dump it. What you forwarded must have been dumped by my MailWasher as obvious fraud and/or spam. It recognizes that and didn't even bother showing it to me. Just do the same thing. Dump it. If you have done something, that might cause PayPal to limit your account, go check it out at, by typing that into the browser address bar, NEVER by clicking on a link. Once you go to PayPal, you will find that your account is just fine, and probably has more money in it, than you expected. Both MailWasher and Eudora show the underlying URL behind a link, and if that one is, then it is rather obvious that it is a scam. Maybe ask Santa to get you Mailwasher. I sure am glad I got it in the 90's. It saved me a lot of time and hassles. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Carry a Laundry Basket in Your Car I keep a spare plastic laundry basket in the trunk of my car. It's great for toting home breakables (eggs, fruit or other groceries) or yard sale finds. Once I get home, I sort through the items and then put the empty basket back in the hallway near the front door, ready to put back in the car for my next trip. By Claire from Phoenix, AZ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" And ducked fast.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19! It stale dates in 60 days and becomes worthless."

» Goofy Restaurant Signs

Today, Nov 23, in
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act.
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, 
 at the Palais Royale Saloon.
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands 
 at the age of 10 when her father William III died.
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of 
 Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central 
 Pacific offensive in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended.
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens.
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the 
 United Nations Security Council.
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced 
 to life imprisonment for the assassination of Earl 
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were 
 killed in a series of earthquakes.
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West 
 Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International 
 Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva and pouted.
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested 
 and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a 
 year after his conviction.
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from 
 Athens to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta.
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League 
 (NHL) goal.
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed 
 she had witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and 
 two other people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in 
 El Salvador, was flown to the U.S.
1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were 
 killed in a stampede after Indian police baton-charged 
 tribal protesters in the western city of Nagpur.
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen Electra. 
 The two had been married on November 14, 1998.
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil 
 settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve 
 remaining state claims for treating sick smokers.
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's 
 effort to block pornography on library computer calling 
 the attempt unconstitutional.
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island. 

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Subscriptions blocked on Gmail 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, all, who sent in some help over the last weekend,
too many to list all of you here. 
(I wrote to all of them personally)

Thank you, Rita!
Thank you, Dorothy!
Thank you Adrien!
Thank you, Admiral James!
Thank you, Robert & Loretta!

>From Dr Bill
Re one's daughters beginning to date:   
"The father who worries the most about his daughters, 
is the one with the best memory."

Repeat of the Thanksgivukkah recipes:
Thanksgiving + Hanukkah = Thanksgivukkah.
Some excellent recipes there!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. --- Malcolm Forbes
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!." --------- That is why we give them electric nail guns now, that sort the nails out for them automatically.
Fall Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio."

Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package.
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Note the sunrise on the trees!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephen Van Alphen, 46, North Fort Meyers, Floriduh Jailed After Exposing Himself To Neighbor's Kids, Challenging Deputies To Peek Under His Poncho Reported by The Weekly Vice Stephen Van Alphen, a 46-year-old Florida man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly exposed himself to neighbors and offered deputies a gander at his self described "small penis." According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Van Alphen's neighborhood Friday after several neighbors called to report that a man was exposing himself. Deputies arrived to find Van Alphen walking around his neighborhood wearing nothing more than a poncho. His buttocks and genitals were fully exposed to neighbors, according to the arrest affidavit. When deputies confronted Van Alphen, he offered to show them his penis. "It's too small for anyone to see it anyway," Van Alphen retorted. Van Alphen's roommate told deputies that he had been drinking for three days prior to leaving the home to begin the exhibition. Van Alphen then walked back into his house to a waiting jug of vodka before he was arrested. Investigators say Van Alphen caused an uproar in the neighborhood earlier this month when he exposed himself to a 6-year-old boy while pretending to be a Ninja. Van Alphen later told officers that he was trying to perform a cartwheel maneuver when his pants accidentally fell down. Van Alphen was also arrested in February 2011 when police confiscated 14 pot plants, a gallon jug filled with dried pot, and an elaborate growing system from his home in Naples. In that case he was arrested on multiple felony charges that involved the manufacture and possession of marijuana. He later told local reporters that he planned to continue growing pot and aspired to be a "criminal mastermind without hurting anyone." Van Alphen now faces charges of indecent exposure and resisting arrest. He was released after posting bond. Tech Support Pits From: Robert & Loretta Re: Can't get your newsletter Dear Webby, I am sending along a check for you and also one for Ophelia will you please give it to her. Also please continue your wonderful Webby subscription P.S. I have not been able to receive your subscripton for quite some time help please to restore me! So long for now and stay well! Robert & Loretta Dear Robert and Loretta! Thank you very much for your help! I really appreciate it! I checked the list, and you are definitely subscribed. Your check also cranked up your subscription to Ophelia's newsletter to the full version. I already did that now for her, before even crediting her for the money. Check your spam folder. Most likely Gmail put your newsletters in there, because they contain pictures. Just make a filter that tells it to never put mail from these addresses into spam:, You can put both addresses into the same filter, separated with a comma. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Handmade Fireplace Logs To make handmade fireplace logs, all you need is a large amount of newspaper, a wooden dowel (or a metal rod, shower curtain rod or closet rod) about 3/4-1+ inch diameter, a few drops of dish soap and some water. Do not use slick, colored paper from sales inserts and circulars etc. Telephone book pages may be used, though they are small and must be torn out of the book. Fill a kitchen sink or a large tub 1/2 full with water (warm will be more comfortable for your hands). Add a few drops of dish soap and stir. Run newspapers, folded in half lengthwise, like you are reading the front page, through the water. Wrap the now-wet newspaper around the dowel and smooth paper down as you wrap. Overlap the next piece a few inches over the end of the previous one and continue to add more newspaper until the log is as big as you like it. Wiggle or twist the dowel/rod as you slip the paper log from the dowel. Stand the 'logs' on end outdoors in a protected area out of the rain. If good weather is predicted they can be left in the sun and they will dry faster. Place them to dry on piles of clean dried leaves, flattened cardboard boxes, or in mesh crates with plenty of space between them so air may circulate around them. Over the next few days, rotate the logs to place the opposite end up, and move them around to ensure all the sides get dry. When thoroughly dried they may be burned just like regular logs. Store them in a dry location. Cotton or jute twine may be tied around each log to hold them together, if the final edge curls up or you wrapped them loosely. By Daleen F. There are "Cranks" available to crank out the paper logs with dry paper. However, they produce less of the CO2, that we need for the grain fields and forests, than the wet method paper logs. Paper logs made with either method have to be burned with lots of air, or they go out. Even when burned with lots of air, they produce an awful lot of ash. The second best way to use the paper logs is to burn them together with construction left-overs. Most construction sites allow you to scavenge cut-offs, some even encourage it. The best way to get rid of the paper logs is to sell them, Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Sandie for this news report: Apple computers Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts . The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

» Buchart Gardens

Today, Nov 22, in
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and 
 Poland for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire.
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was 
 killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. 
 British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed 
 him. He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times.
1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in 
 Berlin adopted the SOS distress signal.
1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood 
 shafts in golf clubs.
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first 
 performed publicly.
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, CA, 
 when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for Manila. 
 The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail.
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began.
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister 
 Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek met in 
 Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding 
in a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President.
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American 
 travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963.
1974 The U.N. General Assembly gave the Palestine Liberation 
 Organization observer status.
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the 
 death of Gen. Francisco Franco.
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid 
 $4 million for the broadcast rights.
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began 
 between New York and Europe.
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy 
 new U.S. nuclear missiles in West Germany.
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. 
 It was the largest swearing-in ceremony.
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential 
 area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians.
1986 Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in 
 Colonel Oliver North's office that included an amount of 
 money to be sent to the Contras from the profits of 
 weapons sales to Iran.
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world 
 heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 
 4 months old.
1988 The South African government announced it had joined 
 Cuba and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban 
 troops from Angola.
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated 
 less than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that 
 exploded next to his motorcade in West Beirut.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara, 
 shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia.
1990 British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher announced 
 she would resign.
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the 
 North American Free Trade Agreement.
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters 
 a gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective 
 and the gunman were killed in the gun battle.
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on 
 fire in response to retaliatory air strikes by NATO.
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian 
 giving lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally 
 ill patient. Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in 
 prison for second-degree murder.
2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale.

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Chrome vs FireFox 

Good Morning,  !

Thank you, Texas Y.!

Today is Thursday, November 21.
The "warming", that was forecast for Wednesday, 
has been postponed. I am really cheered, when they
say it will "warm up to -13". I selected a parking spot
in the sun when I went to the post office today.

On Nov. 28, 2013, for the first and only time in any of 
our lifetimes, the first day of Hanukkah falls on the 
same day as Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving + Hanukkah = Thanksgivukkah.
Some excellent recipes there!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. --- Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC) By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece. --- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother."

A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceler- ation, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration, but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is chaep!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beverly Lunsford, 27, Paris, Maine Jailed After Snorting Drugs Before Attending Parent-Teacher Conference, Resisting Arrest Reported by The Weekly Vice Beverly Lunsford, a 27-year-old Maine woman, has been jailed after she allegedly showed up intoxicated to a parent-teacher conference and refused to leave without a fight. According to police, officers were dispatched to Dirigo Elementary School Wednesday afternoon after receiving a report that an woman had arrived at the school intoxicated. Investigators say Lunsford and her child arrived at the school to attend parent-teacher conferences. Witnesses at the school became concerned when Lunsford took more than 15 minutes to park her vehicle and appeared to be intoxicated. When officers questioned Lunsford about her driving, she claimed that her vehicle was having a power steering issue. She also claimed that she had taken prescription medication that she had a prescription for. Officers attempted to take Lunsford into custody after she failed a field sobriety test, however, Lunsford would have no part of it. Lunsford allegedly resisted arrest while screaming and swearing at the officer. Her resistance was so intense, according to the arrest report, the officer was forced to drag the woman from the school gymnasium all the way to his cruiser. Once inside the cruiser, Lunsford continued to scream and swear at other parents who were attending conferences. At one point Lunsford complained that she couldn't breathe and that her handcuffs had cut into her wrists. Officers responded by calling paramedics, who examined Lunsford at the scene. She was transported to jail following the exam. Lunsford later admitted that she had snorted busiprone - a drug that is used to treat anxiety. Officers later recovered the straw she used to snort the medication. She was booked into jail and charged with disorderly conduct, refusing to submit to arrest, unlawful possession of drugs and violating conditions of release. She was released after posting $500 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Google Chrome vs Firefox Dear Webby, I trust that you were able to meet this financial deadfall. I sure do enjoy your daily humor letter. I pray that all will go well with you eye injection. I have just installed Google Chrome in order to use gmail more effectively. How do you rate Google Chrome against Mozilla Firefox? I have used Firefox as my browser for several years and it is far superior To IE. I don't know about Chrome. What is your take on this? Thanks hank Dear Hank Chrome is very basic, but there are more and more add-ons getting written for it. Your FireFox most likely slowed down because of all the apps and add-ons and extensions you piled on it over the years. Not all of them un-install cleanly. If you compared a bare bones FireFox to a bare-bones Chrome, they would be about the same speed. Except for the sloppy and unreliable bookmarks in FireFox, with just a few add-ons it is the most comfortable browser around. If you try to get the same conveniences with Chrome, you probably can't. Not yet anyway, but even getting close will slow it down. The biggest factor for speed is a fast Internet connection, not the browser. Keep in mind, though, you CAN run Chrome side by side with FireFox, and use Chrome for Gmail and FireFox for browsing. AND you can even open Safari at the same time to read eBooks. The Mac Safari browser is rather lame, but has superior font handling and is easiest on the eyes for reading books. For reading books speed is not important. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Tissue to Tell if Heat Is Running Do you ever wonder if the heat is running but can't hear it because of the TV or some other noises? Tape a piece of toilet tissue to the register and when the heat is running, the air from the heat system will blow it up and you can see it waving. When the system is off, the tissue will be laying flat on the register. By Litter Gitter Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Dave A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out. When the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered. Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home. "You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Standing on the sidelines during a football game at my son's high school, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn't move. We grabbed our first- aid gear and rushed out onto the field. The coach picked up the young man's hand and urged, "Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."

» Crystal Palace

Today, Nov 21, in
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship 
 discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 
 26, 1620.
1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air 
 balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and 
 Francois Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes 
 and 5½ miles over Paris.
1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter.
1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his 
1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first 
 art exhibit.
1942 The Alaska highway across Canada was formally opened.
1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced 
 that "Piltdown Man" was a hoax.
1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quaratine 
 measures against Cuba.
1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline, 
 arrived in San Antonio, TX. They were beginning an ill-fated, 
 two-day tour of Texas that would end in Dallas.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, 
 announced the presence of an 18½-minute gap in one of the White 
 House tape recordings related to the Watergate case.
1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by 
 a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans.
1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino 
 in Las Vegas, NV.
1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay 
 Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for 
 Israel. He was later sentenced to life in prison.
1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in 
 Oakdale, LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility 
 and took hostages.
1989 The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons 
 were televised live for the first time.
1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused 
 to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual 
 advances toward 10 women in past years.
1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia 
 that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian 
 "safe area" of Bihac.
1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast 
 at a test site in the South Pacific.
1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned 
 space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight.
2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request 
 to keep the presidential recounts going.
2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, 
 software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the 
 poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part 
 of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust 
2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, 
 Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members.

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Hide key 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 20.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell (1930 - ) Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner
Words Women Use (And What They Mean) FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A. Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "Well, what do you think," says the rabbi, "that this for free I do?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Lee Herrington, 51, Orlando, Floriduh Jailed After Killing Boy at Crosswalk With Her Car, Fleeing and Leaving the Boy to Die. Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Lee Herrington, a 51-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Monday after she tried to flee the scene after she ran down a 13-year-old boy with car at a crosswalk, then tried to flee scene. According to police, Herrington was driving at the intersection of North Semoran Blvd. and Old Cheney Highway when she blew a red light nd struck 13-year-old Omar Figueroa on the crosswalk with her car. Witnesses told officers that Herrington ignored a red light and struck Figueroa while he was using the crosswalk at around 7 p.m. Sunday night. Investigators say the impact of the hit threw the boy some distance. He was taken to Arnold Palmer Hospital where he was pronounced dead a short time later. After striking Figueroa, Herrington reportedly tried to flee the scene in her vehicle, leaving Figueroa behind to die. Her vehicle was stopped about a block down the road when she became wedged between two other cars while attempting to squeeze in between them during the failed escape. A witness seized the opportunity to grab Herrington's keys out of her ignition while her car was stopped. Herrington reportedly slapped the witness's hands has he fought to get the keys. Witnesses held Herrington inside her car until Troopers arrived on the scene. She was then taken to Winter Park Hospital where blood was drawn prior to her incarceration. She was booked into the Orange County Jail and charged with leaving the scene of a deadly crash, with further charges pending. She remains held in lieu of $10,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Mannie Re: Hide key Dear Webby, You mentioned a key once for hiding what somebody is doing, but I did not write it down. Can you please tell me again? Mannie Dear Mannie The easiest and BEST way to do that is to use ALT plus TAB. Open the spreadsheet or document, that you are supposed to be working on, then open Email or Farmville or wherever you plan to goof off on. When the boss comes by, hit ALT plus TAB, and you instantly jump to whatever you were in, before you opened Farmporn. The escape-to program should be opened full screen, without any Solitaire cards or whatever peeking around the edges. It looks good if you actually start a bit into your work. When the boss is gone, ALT TAB back to where you are not supposed to be. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Keeping Brown Sugar Soft Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist. Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with marshmallows! By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
This quiz has been around since we were kids. Do you remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to the left side or to the right side? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. You don't bury survivors. 2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. The outside.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to go and see you, pretty dumb advice, isn't it?"

» Pebbles

Today, Nov 20, in
1789 New Jersey became the first state to ratify the 
 Bill of Rights.
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent 
 of Spain.
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and 
 Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary.
1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for construction 
 of the Panama Canal by the U.S.
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a Mexican revolution
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on 
 Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes 
 tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany.
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, 
 Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey.
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark 
 and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed 
 its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its 
 blockade of the island.
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in 
 Washington, DC, went past 200 million.
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential 
 use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the 
1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial 
 ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak 
 of nuclear war.
1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the 
 Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council.
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, 
 Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms.
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into 
 the country of Kuwait.
1990 The space shuttle Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, FL, 
 after completing a secret military mission.
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor 
 Castle in England.
1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation 
 implementing NAFTA.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in 
 Zambia to end 19 years of war.
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince 
 Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television.
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden 
 safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating 
 two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist 
 attacks on New York City and the Pentagon.
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of 
 health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry 
 also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes.
2013  smiled

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From 32 bit to 64 bit 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 19.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Once science developed theories to fit the facts, nowadays science fakes theories to suit the grant givers. --- DearWebby Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered bya delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end. --- Kati
>From Roland The executive officer of the unit where I worked in the National Guard Armory went to a government office to take care of some business. The clerk there gave him two index cards with identical questions on them. The officer filled both out, but when he handed them in, he asked the clerk why she needed two cards with the same information. Stapling the cards together, she said, "That's in case we lose one."
Out for a run one fine morning in Central Park, Bob the Jogger spotted a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around, he stooped over, picked it up and slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. After finishing his run around the reservoir, he headed back to his apartment, pausing only momentarily at Central Park West to wait for the light to change. A young lady standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh, my goodness," she said sympathetically, "I can only imagine how painful that must be..... I once had tennis elbow."

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy union steward learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."
Click on the picture for the large version That picture above reminded me of the view from my outhouse when I was living in the bush in the Yukon, until I put in an indoor toilet. My house overlooked the Yukon valley and in winter quite often it was filled with clouds. I had a nice window in the outhouse door, and the view of the roiling clouds was often quite hypnotic. On Sundays quite often friends came visiting from town, just to spend time sitting in my (well insulated) outhouse and meditate. The clouds were a bit lower down, and there were no tourists camping on the slope below the outhouse. The view was the same from the kitchen and the living room, but it just was not the same as when sitting "in the pyramid", the pyramid shaped outhouse.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristie Flores, 31, Saginaw, MI Jailed After Repeatedly Raping Underage Girl Over Four-Year Period Plus extortion attempt Reported by The Weekly Vice Kristie Flores, a 31-year-old Michigan woman, has been jailed after she allegedly had a 4-year-long sexual relationship with a girl under the age of 13. According to police, Flores sexually assaulted a girl under the age of 13 repeatedly from June 2009 until June of this year. According to the charging documents, at least three of the sexual encounters occurred while the child was under the age of 13 and involved penetration. Flores was booked into jail and charged with three counts of first-degree sexual conduct against someone under the age of 13, extortion and accosting a child for immoral purposes. A preliminary hearing has been set for November 19. Tech Support Pits From: OP Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer Dear Webby, is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without buying a new computer? thanks, OP Dear OP No, there isn't. Contact your computer's tech support and ask them how to format and re-install Windows from the hidden partition. After that it will be as fast as it was on the day your first bought it. That is the most speed you will ever get from that hardware. Most likely, though, the slowness you notice is not really your computer but your Internet connection. There are many sites, that let you test that, My favorite one is the Internet Frog. Check to see if you are getting the speed, that you are paying for. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Keeping Brown Sugar Soft Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist. Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with marshmallows! By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a pocket notebook and write things down so as not to forget. Several days later, the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you're up." He says, "OK." She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd better write that down." He says, "I won't forget." She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd better write all this down." He says, "I won't forget." He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I knew you'd forget." He says, "What did I forget?" She says, "I wanted my eggs sunny side up!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn- out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing. The smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people." I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said of Hell?"

» Completely Calorie Free

Today, Nov 18, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It 
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War.
1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued. 
 Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in 
 Madison, NJ.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address 
 as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil 
 War battlefield in Pennsylvania.
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published 
 in the Sunday New York World.
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell.
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with 
 a vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority 
 was needed for ratification.
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the 
 first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito.
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their 
 winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front.
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service 
 on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production 
 of the unpopular Edsel.
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made 
 man's second landing on the moon.
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria.
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab 
 leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit.
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil.
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression.
1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion 
 anti-crime measure. They planned to outlaw it.
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel 
 Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia.
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey. 
 It was only the second known case where all seven were born 
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began.
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard" 
 sold at auction for more than $71 million.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the most comprehensive 
 air security bill in U.S. history.
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank off 
 northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons of 
 fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed about 
 150 miles out to sea.
2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security at 
 424 airports nationwide. 
2013  smiled

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Windows browser update notice 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 18.

It was sunny looking today, but with ice needles and 
drift snow in the air. I shortened my walk quite 

Have FUN!

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You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. --- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - ) Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. --- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996) (And he sure did, especially with the ice-age scare, that he is famous for.) If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get. --- Frank A. Clark "Live so that your friends can defend you, but never have to." --- Arnold Glasow
Linda got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get lost in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"
About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"

From Georgina: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Mom can drink a LOT more than dad!"
Click on the picture for the large version Puyehue volcano, Chile, helping out with our CO2 shortage.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jade Cullen, 26, Stroudsburg, PA Jailed After Hiding Third Party Urine Inside Her Vagina During Meet With Probation Officer Reported by The Weekly Vice Jade Cullen, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed Monday after she allegedly hid another person's urine inside her vagina during a drug screen. According to the Montroe County Sheriff's Office, Cullen was reporting for a drug screen at the Monroe County Courthouse Monday when her probation officer noticed that she was fidgeting with something in between her legs. Further examination revealed that Cullen was hiding a condom inside her vagina filled with another person's urine. Cullen later admitted that she attempted to fake the urine test because she had snorted heroin earlier in the month. Cullen was ordered to meet with a probation officer and submit to random drug screens when she was released last May. She was booked into the Monroe County Correctional Facility and charged with possession of an instrument of a crime and failure to furnish drug free urine. She is also accused of violating her parole. Tech Support Pits From: Larry Re: Windows browser update notice Dear Webby, My computer keeps telling me that my Windows 7 browser is going to be outdated and I need to install a new browser. Is this for real? If I do it, will I lose all my “Favorites”. What should I do? Dear Larry All browsers get updated quite regularly and frequently. However, they identify themselves, for example FireFox update to version 25 If the update notice claims to be "Windows 7 browser" like you wrote, then that is from a virus. If you suspect that the update notice is not legit, click in your browser on HELP ABOUT Check For Updates or on MENU HELP ABOUT Check For Updates And do your updating from there, not from the suspicious notice. Usually browser updates are not an urgent matter, and it is often best to skip full number updates and wait for a .1 number fix. With legitimate updates your bookmarks and favorites and cookies are quite safe. They won't be touched. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Oil of Cloves for Smelly Front Loading Washers If your front loading washing machine smells a bit musty or has black mould growing on the door seal, simply use oil of cloves to freshen it up. I make up a 500ml bottle of water in a spray bottle and add 1/4 teaspoon oil of cloves. Then I spray the inside drum of the machine before I add the clothes or, if I'm feeling lazy, I add 3-4 drops oil of cloves on top of my detergent. The oil of cloves will kill any mould spores. If you use the spray every time you do towels or smelly socks, it will also get rid of mould on your door seals. The black mould will disappear. The smell dissipates from your clothes when you hang them in sunlight but, in any case, it's not too strong a smell. Plus you'll know that if your kids leave wet clothes for a couple of days before telling you about them you'll be able to make sure they're truly clean and mould free. Oil of cloves should be available at pharmacies or sometimes health food stores with the essential oils. Source: Spotless by Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming A few decades ago a good girlfriend got me used to tossing a few whole cloves into every drawer, no matter whether it was a sock drawer or kitchen utensil drawer or a drawer in my workshop. Never had black mold in any drawer! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting at the top of his lungs: "Touchdown!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Dana The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom, then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor, there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there'd never been turkey before. It blanketed every appliance, it smeared every saucer and bowl, there wasn't a way I could stop it, that turkey was out of control. I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, and thought with chagrin as I mopped, that I'd never again stuff a turkey with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

» Flakey Stuff

Today, Nov 17, in
1477 - William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in 
1820 - Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American 
 to sight the continent of Antarctica.
1865 - Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping 
 Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" 
 in the New York "Saturday Press."
1883 - The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones.
1903 - The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal.
1916 - Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary 
 Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme 
 in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916.
1928 - The first successful sound-synchronized animated 
 cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's 
 "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse.
1936 - Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government 
 of Francisco Franco.
1966 - U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule 
 against eating meat on Fridays.
1969 - Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon.
1976 - The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship.
1978 - In Jonestown, Guyana, Reverend Jim Jones persuaded his 
 followers to commit suicide by drinking a death potion. Some 
 people were shot to death. 914 cult members were left dead 
 including over 200 children.
1983 - Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched 
 uranium for use in nuclear weapons.
1987 - The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report. 
 The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate 
 responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides.
1987 - 31 people died in a fire at King's Cross, London's 
 busiest subway station.
1987 - CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record 
 division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion.
1988 - U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing
 the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill.
1993 - The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate 
 in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, 
 staff and patients.
1993 - Representatives from 21 South African political parties 
 approved a new constitution.
1994 - Outside a mosque in the Gaza Strip, 15 people were killed 
 and more than 150 wounded when Palestinian police opened fire 
 on rioting worshipers.
1997 - The FBI officially pulled out of the probe into the 
 TWA Flight 800 disaster. They said the explosion that 
 destroyed the Boeing 747 was not caused by a criminal act. 
 230 people were killed.
1999 - 12 people were killed and 28 injured when a huge 
 bonfire under construction collapsed at Texas A&M in 
 College Station, TX.
2001 - Nintendo released the GameCube home video game 
 console in the United States.
2013  smiled

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Best way to transfer pictures from camera to computer 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, November 17.

The injectins this Wednesday seemed quite different.
apparently they either forgot the freezing or tried some
different type, that did not work. Yipe!
The doctor just shrugged and stabbed the other eye too. 
The freezing and cleaning and disinfecting is done by some
low pay helper, who seems to be doing 50 - 60 patients per 
hour. Considering that there is a new one every month, I 
guess they get minimum wage and upgrade to McDonalds as 
soon as they can. Well, that's life under Medicare, what you
will be getting under Obamacare. I can't really complain, 
though. They are paying for the $2500 per injection, what
the doctor claims it would be without Medicare.

Sometime in December, he told me, I have to go for Cataract
operations. He figures they can do one eye at a time and
I could continue reading and writing with the other eye.

Feels like -26
P.O.P: 80%
Snow: 1-3 cm
Wind N 25 km/h
Wind gusts 60 km/h
Humidity 78%

Those gusts, laden with snow and frost crystals, 
are a nasty reminder, that I should have moved to 
Floriduh, when I had the chance, because Gullible Warming
is FINISHED and Climate Change changed the weather back 
to Global Cooling.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. --- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919) Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson (1969 - )
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
A first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche fan. She told the class to raise their hands if they were true Avalanche fans like her. The children, not knowing what an Avalanche fan was, raised their hands. They too wanted to be just like the teacher, all except one little girl. She did not raise her hand. The teacher approached her and asked, "Why aren't you an Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love them." The little girl responded, "I'm a Detroit Red Wings fan." The teacher asked, "Why are you a Wings fan?" The little girl said, "Well, my parents are Wings fans." The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, "Just because your parents are Wings fans doesn't make you one. What if your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make you?" The little girl thought for a moment and said, "Well, I suppose, that would make me an Avalanche fan."

Thanks to Dr. Connie for this report: What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Let me check your medical history." He wants to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you. "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit. "We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. "Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that I can prescribe something for. "Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit their tongues. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here? "This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. "Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one." "There is a lot of that going around." That's the third one this week! I'd better Google about this." "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.
Thanks to Nan F for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Todd McCullough, 28, Saltsburg, PA Jailed After raping 16 year old girl in school Reported by Fox News A Pennsylvania high school industrial arts teacher allegedly raped a 16-year-old student in a back room at the school and authorities have not ruled out the possibility of additional victims and charges in the case. Todd McCullough, a 28-year-old teacher at Saltsburg High School, was arraigned Thursday on rape and related charges in connection to the April 2012 incident that state police say occurred in a back room near the shop where McCullough taught. But police only learned of the alleged assault last week after another student told school officials she was hearing rumors that she was “next on the list” of McCullough’s potential targets, Trooper John Matchik said. “More or less, the situation surfaced when another female student came forward and said she was hearing rumors that she was next on the list or that she’d be one of his targets,” Matchik said. “She wanted everybody to be aware of that.” A subsequent investigation revealed that McCullough had been physically touching the girl’s hips and shoulders for years and frequently commented on her appearance, Matchik said. Then, in April 2012, as the girl was readying for a school dance, including trips to a tanning salon, McCullough asked the girl if he could see her breasts. The girl repeatedly rebuffed the advance before McCullough eventually exposed himself to the girl in a back room near the shop where he taught, Matchik said. The girl was able to escape that encounter when the school bell rang, Matchik said, but a week later, McCullough allegedly pulled the girl out of another class to apologize. A few days later, McCullough allegedly asked the girl to stay after class before raping her in the back room, Matchik said. Investigators are now probing whether McCullough, a five-year veteran of the school, committed other crimes while teaching, Matchik said. “There’s a good chance additional charges could be pending,” he said. “This could be the tip of the iceberg.” McCullough, who remains jailed at Indiana County Jail, doesn’t have an attorney and declined comment after his arraignment Thursday. He is due to appear in court for a preliminary hearing on Nov. 13. The Blairsville-Saltsburg School District, meanwhile, said it has been cooperating with police since the allegations surfaced. ----------- It is amazing, that the girl, who was raped, did not report the rape, even though it seemed to have been common knowledge around the school. Tech Support Pits From: Claudie Re: Transferring pix from camera Dear Webby, What is better, to take the chip out of a camera and use a chip reader to transfer the pictures to the computer, or plug the camera directly into the computer? Claudie Dear Claudie As long as you take the batteries out of the camera, you can usually safely, though slowly, transfer the pictures directly from the camera. If you don't take the batteries out first, they will get drained quickly. The batteries are usually 4 x 1.5 = 6 Volt, and the computer USB port is 5 Volt. That means, the batteries will try to charge the computer! Yes, sure, there is supposed to be a diode in there, preventing that, but in China, where they often use English electronic theory, they often get them backwards. With the chip removed, that problem does not exist. If you use a cheap chip reader, the transfer speed is much higher and the camera batteries are not affected at all. Personally, I always use a chip reader. Some old pre-XP chip readers won't work on Windows 7 and 8, but they are cheap enough to upgrade every ten years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from First Aid Kit out of Eyeglass Case I have lots of old eyeglass holders, which open and close. They are no longer used because I made my own and put it close to the bed. I used the old eyeglass holder to hold bandages and a tube of triple antibiotic. It takes up very little space and is always handy. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone. "Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn't have?" "It wasn't a boy," came the reply.

» Make you Think Twice

Today, Nov 17, in

1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death 
 of Queen Mary Tudor.
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason.
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67.
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide 
 while in jail awaiting execution.
1800 The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington, 
 DC, in the partially completed Capitol building.
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean 
 and the Red seas.
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups 
 Bolsheviks and Mensheviks.
1904 The first modern underwater submarine journey was taken, 
 from Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight.
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel 
 through the Panama Canal.
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces 
 from dancing the tango.
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R.
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32.
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled 
 vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was 
 released by Luna 17.
1973 U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing 
 editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know 
 whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not 
 a crook."
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 
 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. 
 Embassy in Tehran.
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an 
 Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic 
 elections in Pakistan in 11 years.
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the 
 River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be 
 those of World War II prisoners of war.
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside 
 the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers 
 were killed by police.
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was 
 the first time humans had trapped antimatter. 
2013  smiled

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Corel Office vs Opne Office 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 13.

Wednesday I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.

Blizzard today. The snow seems to be here for good.
Reminds me of the Yukon. When it snowed there in October, 
during the cold cycle it stayed until mid April, during
the warm cycle it partially melted a couple of times in
November and March. 

Now we are in the cold cycle, and it would be snowblowing 
season in the Yukon. Somehow I don't really miss that.

I had homesteaded a place a mile above the Alaska Highway,
and built my own road to up there. I cut it into a sidehill.
The grouse loved that! They used their wings to blow the
snow off parts of the bank, and then picked the dirt from
below grapefruit to head size rocks, until they tumbled down
onto the road, so that they could get at the dry gravel behind
the rocks. 

I realize, they needed the dry gravel to grind the frozen
grains from grasses, but my 8' snow blower did not like big 
rocks hiding in the snow. Whenever it encountered one,
CRACKKKKK!!!!, and something was broken.

Sure, I designed my snow blowers, so that rocks like that 
broke reasonably easy to get at shear pins, but at -40 and
wind, even "easy to get at" shear pins are a real nuisance.
Especially at night.

Sunday snowblowing was not as bad, especially if the sun 
was out. Imagine a bearded hippy all bundled up on a Kubota
4x4 tractor with a big snowblower mounted in front instead 
of a bucket, and a huge 50 foot rooster tail of snow from
the blower sparkling in the sun.

However, the excitement of living in the bush wore rather 
thin after thirty years. Sometimes I miss it, but usually
I am quite content to live a few thousand miles further 

Have FUN!

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Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. --- Leon Trotsky (1879 - 1940) What's right is what's left if you do everything wrong. ---Robin Williams People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)
>From Diane A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week. Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds. So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!!
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, Because it takes only a smile to Make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

>From Donnie Blood donor...A True Scot! An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood-type in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & thousands of US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of cheap Quality Street." To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins".
Thanks to ChuckE for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hi Webby, Look at this sunrise this morning from my porch in Costa Mesa, CA. Chuck
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lawrence Gillim, 59, Indianapolis, Indiana Jailed After Beating Woman While Driving Drunk, Crashing Car, Leaving Injured Woman Behind Reported by The Weekly Vice Lawrence Gillim, a 59-year-old Indiana man, has been jailed after he beat a woman while driving drunk, crashed the car and then fled while leaving the injured woman behind. According to the Johnson County Sheriff's Office, Gillim was driving drunk as he beat a woman sitting in the passenger seat of his car. Although the woman begged to be let out of the car, Gillim continued to beat her while driving at a high rate of speed. Investigators say Gillim then crashed his vehicle into two cars that were parked near the Atterbury Fish and Wildlife Area. Witnesses at the scene watched as the female passenger emerged from the vehicle and then collapsed. When Gillim exited the vehicle and saw bystanders calling 911, he fled the scene into a nearby wooded area leaving the injured woman behind. The woman was rushed to Johnson Memorial Hospital where she was treated for injuries mostly received during the beating she endured from Gillim. Deputies located Gilliam after following him into the woods with a dog, who promptly took a chunk out of him. He was then transported to a local hospital where he was treated for a bite wound received from the dog during the chase. He was then booked into the Johnson County Jail and charged with driving while intoxicated, operating a vehicle while intoxicated causing endangerment, operating while intoxicated causing injury, domestic battery, leaving the scene of an accident causing injury, resisting law enforcement, criminal confinement, criminal recklessness with a vehicle and annoying a police dog. Tech Support Pits From: Oscar Re: Corel versus Open Office Dear Webby, You seemed to be a fan of Open Office and Office Libre, and even PC-World recommends it. Why the switch to Corel Office? Oscar Dear Oscar I have had Word Perfect and Quattro since the 80's, when mail was counted by how many were printed per shift, not by how cutesy the quotes were or how pretty a letter looked. Today talking speed stenos and 100+ words per minute typists are as rare as unicorns or virgins, but some of us still like programs, that can handle that kind of speed and performance. Calc in Open Office is a fairly good spreadsheet, and will handle just about any home project and many small office projects. However Martha was not asking for a free spreadsheet, she asked for which version of Corel would be able to handle her project. Most likely she is working on something big, that needs the power of Quattro. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Folding Sheets for Easier Bed Making Try this way of folding a queen size top sheet so that it can be laid by the top of the bed and unfolded to end up exactly where it should be on the bed. When folding the sheet, fold it up (bottom folded up to the top), to the right, up, to the right, up, to the right, etc. until you get it folded into a square about a foot across with the last fold to the right. When you put the folded sheet on the bed, unfold the first fold to the left and place the sheet at the top right side of the bed. Let it hang down about 15 inches over the side of the bed and keep unfolding it down, to the left, down, to the left, and down, etc., until it is completely unfolded. (They probably do this in hospitals, with twin-size hospital beds.) However, with a queen size bed it can be somewhat more difficult to do alone. With two people putting a sheet on a queen bed there would be no running to the other side of the bed to straighten it as it folds out to the full width of the bed. But if you are doing it yourself, you probably will need to at least once even with this method. I don't bother to fold the bottom (fitted) sheet, but just roll it up as it is easy to put on and the wrinkles stretch out once it is on the bed. By Judy S. from ND Amazing! And all these years I have just taken the sheets off the line and folded them lentgthwise twise, then on that narrow pack fold the thirds in from both sides. For making the bed, I drop it onto the bed, unfold the "ears", grab the edge of the sheet as far apart as my arms will reach, lift and whip the sheet. It will unfold, trap air underneath and smoothly settle onto the bed. Done. My challenge has always been the fitted sheet until I got a Mark-All and marked NE, SE, SW, and NW onto the corners on the downward parts. Now even an untamed bachelor like me can dress a bed in a hurry. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man left for a vacation in Florida. His wife, on a business trip and was planning to meet him the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."

» Surf's Up

Today, Nov 13, in
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured 
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which 
 he said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, 
 except death and taxes."
1805 Johann George Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." Also known as the 
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing access 
 between New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in America 
 took place.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure 
 lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial 
 segregation on public buses.
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft 
 to orbit another planet, Mars.
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in 
 newspapers for the last time.
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that 
 the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. 
 He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but 
 that they had been sent to improve relations.
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union.
1997 Iraq expelled six U.N. arms inspectors that were 
 U.S. citizens.
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press 
 for the North American rights to her story about her affair 
 with U.S. President Bill Clinton.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order 
 that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners 
 captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time 
 since World War II that a president had taken such action.
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. 
 The discovery came from the planned impact on the moon of the 
 Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS).
2013  smiled

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Which version of Corel Office? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 12.

On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.

The huge hoarfrost crystals on top of the snow in the
morning sun sure are pretty. Not a sign for warmer weather
in the near future, though. Time to dig out the long 


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time. --- Willem de Kooning (1904 - 1997) We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC)
I love this classic: A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her other car. Click on the picture for the large version FrankenCar
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Glen Davis, 48, Winter Haven, Floriduh HIV Positive Man Douses Woman With Gasoline, Then Rapes Her Saying "You're Going To Die One Way Or Another." Reported by The Weekly Vice Glen Davis, a 48-year-old HIV positive man, was jailed Saturday after he allegedly doused his girlfriend with gasoline and forced her to have unprotected sex with him as he held a pair of scissors to her throat. According to Winter Haven police, Davis and his girlfriend were arguing Halloween night when Davis locked all of the doors to the house and began setting things on fire. Davis reportedly poured gasoline on a table and a pile of clothes and then set them on fire. Aiming to amp up the terror a bit more, Davis then doused his girlfriend with gasoline and threatened to set her on fire. At some point during the confrontation, Davis allegedly grabbed the victim's young son by the neck and threatened to set him on fire as well. A short time later, Davis forced the victim to have unprotected sex with him. Although the victim begged him to use a condom, he put a pair of scissors to her throat and proceeded to rape her without a condom. "You're going to die, one way or another," Davis told the woman moments before the sexual assault. Davis was arrested two days later after a relative urged her to call police. He was booked into jail and charged with criminal transmission of HIV, battery, false imprisonment, two counts of arson, two counts of aggravated battery and sexual assault. He will get the best medical care until the lawyers finish, which could be a few decades. Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Which version of Corel Office Dear Webby, Forget Skype. The bozos at microslop use big 4:3 monitors and have no sympathy for the poor slobs like you, who have to use wide monitors. Just switch to Google+ Hangout. That has better video and voice quality anyway. My question is which version Corel Office to buy. I need to do a big math project, that is way too complicated for Excel and need to use Quattro in Corel, but don't really want to buy the current version. Thanks Martha Dear Martha Probably any version will work fine. They have not dumbed it down, and I don't think there are any real changes in Quattro. Get whatever version you find on sale at eBay or wherever. I still use version X4, and would not pay to switch to a newer version. It works just fine, and I don't think there were any changes in it over previous versions. You can even set it to act like Excel, open Excel files and even save them as Excel files. Especially in a cooperative environment that makes it a clear winner. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Easy, Free Cheese Wrapping If you use cheese often, like I do, here is a decent tip! Cut straight through a block of unopened cheese, remove the portion you will use without demolishing package. Keep the wrapper from the piece you used, turn it over and cut a slice in the back side. Now, slip it over the remaining section of cheese. You now have a free wrapping technique, so no need to use up another dish or plastic bag/wrap. It works great for me, without drying out! By Becca from NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 2 hours and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They all got off except for a blind man and his dog. The pilot took advantage of there being no line-up at the toilets and went to the back of the plane, When he saw the blind man, he recognized him previous flights. He approached the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the plane and stretch your legs?" "No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would." A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog. Most passengers changed their flight.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they escape?"

» Most Expensive Crocus in the World: Saffron -

Today, Nov 12, in
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor 
 shower from a ship off the Florida Keys.
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that its named after him.
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent 
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the 
 Soviet Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist 
 Party leading to Stalin coming to power.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began 
 between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a 
 major victory.
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" 
 was sunk off the coast of Norway.
1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the 
 Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL.
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier 
 Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders 
 to death.
1953 The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking 
 out home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim of the 
 U.S. District Court in Philadelphia.
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, 
 closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants 
 since 1892.
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports 
 from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage 
 at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4.
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles 
 of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth.
1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late 
 Leonid I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet 
 Communist Party's Central Committee.
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen 
 snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first 
 space salvage.
1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced 
 to life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his 
 brother, John A. Walker Jr.
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy 
 statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to 
 refuse to treat someone solely because that person 
 had AIDS or was HIV-positive.
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the 
 Chrysanthemum Throne.
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission 
 to dock with the Russian space station Mir.
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq 
 for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors.
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 
 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center.
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form 
 Daimler-Chrysler AG.
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after 
 take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 
 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 
 people aboard were killed.
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken 
 Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Northern 
 Alliance at this point was reported to have control over 
 most of the northern areas of Afghanistan.
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment 
 Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of 
 millions of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 
 movie "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, 
 the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil.
2013  smiled

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A way around the Skype font size problem 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 11.
Today is Memorial Day / Veterans Day.
In Canada, that is a statutory holiday and Govt offices
and most companies except stores and restaurants are closed.

A Pittance of Time

On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.

Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent again most of the day sending Thank-You letters,
and don't think I missed anybody. I really do appreciate 
your help!

Thank you very much!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Just in time for Memorial Day / Veterans Day, Alberta has unveiled the new license plates: These are just for Alberta. The rest of Canada will, as usual, have to scramble to catch up. These plates are not restricted to veterans, but intended to raise funds for veteran support programs and to show respect for veterans. The 2005 Poppy plates are still available too. There are over 21,000 of those in use so far. Like these, and UNlike similar plates in other provinces, the Alberta poppy plates are NOT limited to veterans, but available to anybody who wants to show respect for veterans, just like wearing a poppy year round. Those plates too are fund raisers for veteran support progrms.
>From Thea At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his newspaper he replied, "About 10 years." He got hit with the remaining ones. -------------- Cinnamon rolls are easy! I wish I was still allowed to eat them, but with diabetes, they are a No-No! Completely thaw out a loaf of frozen bread dough and let it rise. Roll it out about 1/4" thick on a tea towel or canvas. Smear room temperature warm butter on it. Sprinkle soaked raisins on it Sprinkle lightly toasted sugar and cinnamon mix on it. Make a cut in the dough at about 12" intervals. Use the tea towel to roll up the dough parallel to those cuts. Butter baking pans, cut the rolls into 3/4" thick slices and place them into the pans about 3/4" apart. Place the pansin a warm area and let the rolls rise again. After they have risen and the buns touch each other, put the pans into a 200 Degree C (400 degree F) oven for five minutes or until the rolls have a "skin" and won't fall when you take the pans out. Pour a bit of milk or milk/water mix into the pans, less than 1/4" high. Put them back in and bake until nice and brown. Take the pans out of the oven and let the cinnamon buns cool in the pans. Be careful not to touch them while still warm. They are extremely addictive at that stage!
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs.
Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her car. She calls it Frankencar Click on the picture for the large version FrankenCar
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Jaggers, Ford Lauderdale, Floriduh Jailed for Repeatedly Calling 911 To Report "Drunk People Inside Bar" Reported by The Weekly Vice Mary Jaggers of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida has been jailed after she allegedly called 911 to report that there were drunk people inside the bar she was visiting. According to police, Jaggers called 911 six different times to complain that there were drunk people inside Artie's Sportsman Lounge. Arriving officers spoke with Jaggers, who demanded the arrest of everyone inside the bar. A pat down search, however, revealed that she was in possession of hydrocodone without a prescription. Jaggers was taken into custody and no other arrests were made. At her arraignment hearing on Tuesday, Jagger told the judge that she repeatedly called police to prevent anyone from driving home drunk. "I have a feeling that the mixture between Artie's Bar and the hydrocodone probably led to count two, the calling of 911," said Judge Hurley during the hearing. Jaggers was booked into jail and charged with misuse of 911 and possession of hyrocodone without a prescription. Tech Support Pits From: Elsinore Re: Skype is OK on old CRT Dear Webby, Skype is OK on my old CRT monitor, clssic 4:3 config, and running 1600 x 1200. Yeah, eat your heart out, all you sheeple, who got talked into wide monitors, with the bottom third sawed off! Skype was originally written for 4:3 monitors, and when Microsoft bought it and tried to adapt it to sawed off monitors, they klutzed up. The problem is in the font scaling. Yeah, I know you poor sheeple have to go into Advanced and crank the font zoom to more than 100% to be able to have half decent pix and still read anything. Well, go back in there, crank down the resolution, then crank the font zoom down to 100 or less, set your settings in Skype, then change everything back. If you have more than two dozen icons on your desktop, expect some of them missing and all of them re-arranged. It doesn't help with reading the contact list. Just catch a little girl and chain her to your slick wide monitor, and get to read the contact list for you. That's probably how they do it at Microsoft. Elsinore Dear Elsinore You are a hoot, but absolutely correct. By the way, the Marxist-Stalinist version of Skype is still trying to sneak in with it's "Microsoft will update your Skype whenever it suits us, whether you like it or not." Be careful about that! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Beeswax For Zippers To fix a stuck zipper, rub up and down the zipper with bee's wax. I don't know where I got this idea, but it works like a charm! By Virginia B. from Charles City, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Mrs. Jones called the doctor's office and was met with this response by the secretary. "This is Dr. Whitman's office. What would you like to talk about?" Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied sarcastically, "I want to order a hamburger with fries. For Christ's sake, why would I call a doctor if I didn't feel sick? I'm very sick. I need to see the doctor." "Fine," replied the secretary, "I can make an appointment for you. Let me see, ahhhh yes, I have an appointment one week from next Friday." "Great," said Mrs. Jones, "I'll have my mortician drop me off then!"

» To Our Veterans
All who served

Today, Nov 11, in
1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the 
 Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown Harbor 
 near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and equal laws."
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged in 
 Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising.
1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged 
 at the Melbourne jail at age 25.
1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being 
 convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed eight 
 police officers.
1889 Washington became the 42nd state of the United States.
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany 
 signed an armistice. This day became recognized as 
 Veteran's Day in the United States.
1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender 
 of Germany.
1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in 
 Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first 
 electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest and
 H.O. Merriman.
1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at 
 Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding.
1938 Kate Smith first sang Irving Berlin's "God Bless America" 
 on network radio.
1940 The Jeep made its debut.
1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation 
 of France.
1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin 
 and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA.
1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence 
 from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe.
1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. 
 The craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning.
1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to 
 the South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end 
 of direct involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military.
1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence 
 from Portugal.
1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story 
 John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours.
1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat 
 Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class 
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial Fund.
1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming 
 the second largest computer company.(After IBM)
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record 
 53.9 million dollars in New York.
1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven 
 bodies buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea 
 Puente was later charged in the deaths of nine people, 
 convicted of three murders and sentenced to life in prison.
1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 
 16 years to help the nation arrange democratic elections.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in 
 a letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after 
 World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others 
 were still living in his country voluntarily.
1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests.
1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history 
 theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was 
 halted later due to local opposition.
1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was 
 dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served 
 in the Vietnam War.
1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at 
 an Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers.
1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled 
 "The Wall That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica 
 of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would tour communities 
 throughout the United States.
1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were laying 
 off 10,000 employees.
1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded 
 skywalk. He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the 
 Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet 
1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement 
 with the Palestinians.
2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to 
 fight AIDS in India. 
2013  smiled

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Skype problems 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, November 10.
Monday is Memorial Day / Veterans Day.
In Canada, that is a statutory holiday and Govt offices
and most companies except stores and restaurants will 
be closed. 

On Tuesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.

Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent again most of the day sending Thank-You letters,
and don't think I missed anybody. I know for some
of you even one dollar is a scarifice, and I really
do appreciate that!

So far I am about three quarters of the way to what will 
be needed by Monday.

If you can help, please hit that Donate button!

Congratulations to the few, who were smart and clicked
a $10 donation to Ophelia. She is sliding all donations 
from this weekend to me, but any $10 donation also gets 
them an annual subscription to the full version of her
newsletter, or a year added on, if they already have
a subscription. If you like Ophelia's newsletter, 
Go for it!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Just in time for Memorial Day / Veterans Day, Alberta has unveiled the new license plates: These are just for Alberta. The rest of Canada will, as usual, have to scramble to catch up. These plates are not restricted to veterans, but intended to raise funds for veteran support programs and to show respect for veterans. The 2005 Poppy plates are still available too. There are over 21,000 of them in use so far.
The other day, I had to make a call to the telephone company. Something was wrong with my bill. I dialed the number listed, and was astonished. I got the strangest recording. It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up and redial."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" asked the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds.'"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Tyler Brandon, 25, Naples, Floriduh Jailed for getting stuck in chimney during burglary Reported by This guy might have stolen Santa's mode of home invasion, but he didn't make off with anything else. The Associated Press reports that Richard Tyler Brandon, 25, is accused of getting stuck in a chimney during a failed attempt to burglarize a Naples, Fla. home on Wednesday. Brandon's alleged accomplice, Derek Grenfell, told Naples police he tried to warn his friend not to go through with the ill-conceived heist. "I said, 'Dude, you're not Santa Claus, what are you doing?'" Grenfell said, according to police. Authorities were able to eventually free Brandon, who was not seriously injured. "It took us 30 minutes of slowly applying pressure on the rope and pulling him out gingerly through that 15- to 18-foot space which obviously seemed like forever," Fire Chief, Steve McInerny told KSHB. Brandon is charged with two counts of burglary and Grenfell is charged with two counts of burglary accessory after the fact. Tech Support Pits From: Susan Re: Major difference between Skype and Facebook Chat Dear Webby, The MAJOR difference between Facebook Chat and Skype is that Favebook Chat is fixed on a facebook page. You HAVE to keep that page open, and you can not continue working while you are waiting for a response. With Skype, you can move the chat window to the side, continue working and when the silly ninny or bozo, that you are chatting with, is responding again, you hear the ting and can jump back to the chat. By the way, I agree about the font size failure of Skype. BOOOOOO!!!! Microslop obviously can't cope with wide monitors. Watch out with the current update! The Marxists have taken over Microslop! The current update has nearly invisible a line about making MSN your home page and Bing your search engine. BOOOOOOO!!!! And then the Microsloppers tell you that future updates will be automatic, whether you want them or not! Do you REALLY want that kinda Marxist-Stalinist shit? Luckily they screwed up the current update, and it does not work. Don't click to update, just in case they have fixed the updater. It will lock you into their Marxist-Stalinist forced update, which is EEEEVIL!!!!! I have a VERY bad feeling about that! Skype was great for thirteen years, but now it is time to look for alternatives. Susan Dear Susan You are probably right about it being time to look for alternatives. I agree 100%, that Marxist-Stalinist forced updates by a company, that can't even fix their fonts, is not a good idea. You can see on the first few panels into the update how badly screwed up they are. Back out and don't do that update! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Doll High Chair for a Plant Stand I had a baby doll high chair that wasn't being used. I put a plant in it, and it makes a good plant stand. It is so cute! By Robyn Fed from Hampton, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Bill and Doug were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best salesman. Bill was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize. He felt his luck was with him and was sure to win. He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down on the floor. "Oh no," said Bill. "Now I am going to have seven years bad luck." "Nonsense," said Doug. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn't have seven years bad luck." "Really?" said Bill, feeling much better knowing that. "Yeah really," said Doug. "His wife killed him for breaking her mirror."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers. My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all alike, right down to the baby. She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added, looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."

» To Our Veterans

Today, Nov 10, in
775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the 
 Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence 
 after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. 
 The Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 
1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of 
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found 
 David Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish 
 missionary in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous 
 greeting: "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"
1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of theWhite House
1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan.
1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began 
 when Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his 
 counterpart in Alameda, CA.
1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA.
1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism.
1975 The U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution that 
 equated Zionism with racism. The resolution was repealed 
 in December of 1991.
1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its 
 crew of 29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior.
1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been kidnapped 
 in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused to pay the 
 cab fare.
1982 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was 
 opened to visitors.
1988 The U.S. Department of Energy announced that Texas would 
 be the home of the atom-smashing super-collider. The project 
 was cancelled by a vote of the U.S. Congress in Oct. 1993.
1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of 
 marital sexual assault against his wife who sexually 
 mutilated him. Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of 
 malicious wounding her husband.
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill, 
 which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun 
1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop 
 enforcing the arms embargo against the Bosnian government 
 the following week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed 
 to lifting the ban.
1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the 
 action would end trade sanctions.
1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro-Wiwa 
 along with several other anti-government activists.
1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after 
 a massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The 
 disaster left 24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead.
1996 Dan Marino (Miami Dolphins) became the first quarterback 
 in NFL history to pass for more than 50,000 yards. (Florida)
1997 WorldCom Inc. acquired MCI Communication Corporation. 
 It was the largest merger in U.S. history valued at $37 B.
1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the murder 
 of two CIA employees in 1993.
1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's 
 murder conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English 
 au pair to time served. She had served 279 days in the 
 death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen.
2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's membership. 
2013  smiled

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Facebook Chat versus Skype 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, November 9.

Today I am going to have to ask a favor of you, 
actually beg for a little favor. I REALLY need your help
to keep the servers from being shut down on Moday.

Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent all day sending Thank-You letters,
and am about half way to what will be needed by Monday.
It is 01:45 now and I finally get to the Humor Letter.

One subscriber had difficulty with the Canadian Dollar/
US dollar PayPal button, so I made a separate one for
just US dollars at

Here is a funny one for you.
When I was making the new button, I checked the page to 
see how it looked. Well, I thought I did. However, because
my eyes were a bit blurry from the hectic writing, I did 
not notice that the browser's autocomplete had sent me to 
the Blog, the archive.

Naturally, nothing changed at the blog, just on the main
Humor Letter site. So I was frantically editing and pulling 
on my hair, and could not figure out why my changes did
not show.

After a few minutes I caught on. DUH!
Yes, the changes do show OK, as you can see just below here. 

Again, Thank you very much to all who have sent a donation!
If you have been too busy on Friday, try the new buttons!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"A wise man changes his mind, a fool never." --- Socratex "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." --- Andy Warhol
>From Okie One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
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A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in Southern England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from Stoney Beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Brinkman, 32, Clayton, Mo Jailed After Posting Ad On Craigslist Seeking Someone To Rape His Minor Daughter While He Watched Reported by The Weekly Vice nthony Brinkman, a 32-year-old Missouri man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly posted an ad on Craigslist seeking an individual who would be willing to rape his daughter while he watched. According to St. Louis Police, an investigation was launched Wednesday after Brinkman posted an ad on Craigslist seeking an individual who would be willing to have sex with his 11-year-old daughter while he watched. Someone who saw the ad clicked the "report abuse" feature on the site, and the report was forwarded to the Missouri Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. Investigators say a female undercover officer posing as a 27-year-old woman responded to Brinkman's ad and discussed his request. Brinkman reportedly told the officer that he was looking for someone who would engage in sex with his daughter using various sex toys. As the conversation continued, Brinkman told the officer that he wanted her to be his girlfriend and planned to participate in the assault. Brinkman agreed to meet the undercover officer at a nearby Cracker Barrel restaurant. If all went well, Brinkman planned to bring the officer to his home where the assault was to take place. When Brinkman showed up at the restaurant, officers were surprised to see that he brought the little girl with him. After Brinkman's arrest, his daughter was released into the custody of other relatives. A search warrant was then served at Brinkman's apartment in Cuba, Missouri. Investigators are awaiting the results of a forensic examination of his computer. He was booked into jail and charged with attempted statutory sodomy. He remains held in lieu of $100,000 bond. The case remains an open investigation and additional charges are expected. Tech Support Pits From: Tina Re: Difference between Facebook Chat and Skype Dear Webby, What is the difference between Facebook Chat and Skype? Tina Dear Tina FaceBook Chat is 1980's style BASIC chat, like we used to make with BASICA or GWBASIC. Rude, crude, but it works. No frills, no settings, and about as secure as an ad in your local paper. However, FaceBook Chat is Windows compliant and font sizes change when you change the page zoom with CTRL + Scrollwheel (or CTR: + /-) As I said, NO frills. In the 1980s we didn't trasnfer files on chat. At 3.6 or 7.2 Kbps that was not a good idea. In those days files were sent by email or FTP. That is FaceBook Chat. Now for Skype: Skype is NO longer Windows compliant. After Microsoft bought it for $8 Billion, to make sure Google did not get it, they screwed it up. You can change the font sizes of the Chat window, but not for system messages (like "XYZ wants you to add her to your contact list"), or the contact list, or the Tools, Options menu tree. The fonts in all that are LOCKED at 1 Millimeter, if you use resonably high resolution on a wide monitor. Little girls can read that without straining, but that is way too small for seniors. Microsoft IS aware of their screw-up. Lots of people, and even I myself, have told them, repeatedly. "Just use a magnifying glass or the magnifyer built into W8." Well, you can imagine where I told them to stuff that. Once you have gotten some cute little girl to get your settings and preferences the way you want them, Skype is OK! Not as good as before Microsoft screwed it up, but still quite OK. The biggest problem with Skype is that System messages like "XYZ wants you to add her to your contact list" are unreadable for grown-ups, unless they know where to expect them to pop up, and have a magnifying glass handy. That is a real Security Threat. Microsoft doesn't care. So, be careful when you hear the system sound and see something pop. Grab a magnifyer to see if you want to add that person or not. If it is some Nigerian, be careful. Skype has excellent file transfer facilities. Just drag a file into the chat window, or paste a picture. Transfer is very fast, since Skype kinda borrows the broadband connections in the area. If your ISP has problems, that is OK, you still get through with Skype and can still send and receive files. Skype has a big selection of emoticons. History is saved by default, and going back ten years is no problem. You CAN dump the history, though. I usually trim it to about 5 years. Voice and video chat among Skype users is free. You can call landlines and cell phones for about 2 cents per minute. Used to be one cent, before Microsoft bought it, but even 2 cents is still a good deal. As mentioned, they did not screw up the fonts in the chat window. That is still adjustable, like i has been for 14 years. Let's hope Microsoft does not find that! As long as you can cope with the screwed up font sizes for system messages and settings, Skype is great. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Hanging Craft Projects This tip helps you get craft projects out of the way while you are not working on them. Put all the patterns and other supplies for a craft craft project in a plastic grocery bag with handles. Then slip each handle of the grocery bag over a clothes hanger and hang it a closet. You can cross the handles so the bag won't slip off the hanger. If the handles still have a tendency to slip, secure them with clothespins. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The steward for the Government Road Construction Workers Union called the meeting to order. "Men -- we've agreed on a new deal with the state. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!" "HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered. "We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared. "We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered. "And now, even though 99% of the roads in the country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!" Silence. A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: When my wife finds out I sold it all, she will kill me!"
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

» Gingerbread Houses

Today, Nov 9, in
1872 - A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA.
1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to 
 see the progress on the new canal.
1911 - George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent 
 on neon advertising signs.
1918 - Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would abdicate. 
 He then fled to the Netherlands.
1923 - In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German 
 troops that were loyal to the democratic government. The event 
 began the evening before when Adolf Hitler took control of a 
 beer hall full of Bavarian government leaders at gunpoint.
1935 - United Mine Workers president John L. Lewis and other 
 labor leaders formed the Committee for Industrial Organization.
1938 - Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500 
 Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews, 
 and rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that 
 became known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass."
1961 - Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a 
 world record speed of 4,093 mph.
1963 - In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust 
1963 - In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash.
1965 - The great Northeast blackout occurred as several 
 states and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power 
 failures lasting up to 13 1/2 hours.
1976 - The U.N. General Assembly approved ten resolutions 
 condemning the apartheid government in South Africa.
1981 - U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week 
 Rapid Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman 
 were also involved in the operation.
1981 - The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion 
 loan to India. It was the highest loan to date.
1984 - A bronze statue titled "Three Servicemen," by 
 Frederick Hart, was unveiled at the site of the Vietnam 
 Veterans Memorial in Washington, DC.
1989 - Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing 
 its citizens to travel freely to West Germany.
1990 - Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a 
 non-aggression treaty with Germany.
2004 - U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened 
 Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House to pedestrians.
2013  smiled

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How do you chnge folder icons? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 8.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Today I am going to have to ask a favor of you, 
actually beg for a little favor.

I have been focusing on my work, which includes writing your
Humor Letter, and thought that the server bills were getting 
paid by my book keeper. Today I got a letter that stated, 
if I don't pay the outstanding $2500 by Monday, 
the servers will be turned off.
And, as usual, I am flat broke.

If you can send me a dollar with the PayPal Donate button,
and if enough of you can do that, we will stay online.

I know, some of you don't like PayPal and would rather mail
some pumpkin tarts or Gingerbread cookies, but I also know,
that a few of you might be able to afford two or three 
dollars. Please donate what you can to help me to be able 
to keep working!

Thank you very much!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It is more rewarding to watch money change the world than watch it accumulate." --- Gloria Steinem
>From Hank a great Classic: There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we start wearing rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen"
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A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized t-shirt and sunglasses. The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing all the way out here dressed like that!?" "I'm going swimming," the tourist explained. "But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab informed him. "Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paula Howard, 50, Kissimmee, Floriduh Jailed After Prostituting Three Young Daughters For $20 Reported by The Weekly Vice Paula Howard, a 50-year-old Florida Woman, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly offered to sell her three daughter's for sex. According to the Osceola County Sheriff's Office, Howard was arrested when she flagged down an undercover officer and then offered him her three daughters for sex in exchange for cash. Investigators say an undercover officer was posing as a "John" during a sting operation after the Sheriff's Office received complaints from other prostitutes about a woman, who was prostituting her minor daughters in the area. The undercover officer was standing in front of a bus stop at around 2:30 p.m. when Howard flagged him down and then motioned her daughters over to where he was standing. The three daughters, ages 16, 17, and 18, approached the officer and offered him his choice of the three girls for sex. One of the girls agreed to have sex with the officer for $20, according to the arrest affidavit. Howard was booked into jail and charged with child abuse, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, deriving support from proceeds of prostitution and other related charges. She remains held in lieu of $36,000 bond. The girls were taken into protective custody. Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Change folder icons Dear Webby, At home I can easily change the icons for folders, but on my work machine I can't. Do you know a way around that? Amanda Dear Amanda You may need to install TweakUI or XP Powertoys from Microsoft. Another way around that is to drag the folder where it belongs, i.e. anywhere except the desktop, and make a desktop shortcut to it. Even with a barebones Windows XP or 98 you can change the icons for shortcuts. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Clean Bathtub with Krud Kutter We have a very large fiberglass shower unit that had the ugliest dark stain of unknown origin (probably not been cleaned in long time) on the bottom part. I had tried everything I could mix or muster up to use. Then one day I read on here about the Krud Kutter for wallpaper removal (BTW great for that zipped 4 layers in no time). I used the Krud Kutter full strength and a plastic scrubbie. Every bit of it came out, without much "elbow grease". Krud Kutter is well worth the price for a gallon. It cleans everything and is biodegradable with no obnoxious fumes either! Source: ThriftyFun of course! By Barby B. from Tennessee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My friend's preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind her, "My children are in their 20s, and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?" "I'm not sure I'm the one to ask," the man said while glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand, "I'm here to deposit a check from my mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A famous classic, The Hawaii Bridge A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish." The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So...I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii." "I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved...think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask." "Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," the guy replies. "I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with know, what makes them tick?" The genie thinks a second, and then answers, "Would that bridge be two lanes or four?"
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

» Freshwater Scaley Things

Today, Nov 8, in
1656 Edmond Halley was born. Halley, an astronomer-mathmatician, 
 was the first to calculate the orbit that was named after him. 
 The comet makes an appearance every 76 years. Wow! 1656 !
1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The 
 expedition was lead by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis. 
 The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of 
 exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory.
1887 Doc Holliday died at the age of 35. The gun fighting 
 dentist died from tuberculosis in a sanitarium in 
 Glenwood Springs, CO.
1889 Montana became the 41st U.S. state.
1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity 
 discovered the scientific principle involved with high
 frequency and took the first X-ray pictures.
1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator.
1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power 
 in Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be 
 known as the "Beer-Hall Putsch."
1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive 
 order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The 
 organization was designed to create jobs for more than 
 4 million unemployed people in the U.S.
1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria.
1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S. 
 and British forces landed in French North Africa.
1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle 
 took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot 
 down a North Korean MiG-15.
1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company 
 decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry 
 Ford's only son.
1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California.
1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in 
 California announced that they had discovered a 15th moon 
 orbiting the planet Saturn.
1981 Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek asserted that Egypt 
 was "an African State" that was "neither East nor West".
1986 Vyacheslav M. Molotov died at age 96. During World War II, 
 Molotov ordered the mass production of bottles filled with 
 flammable liquid later called the "Molotov cocktail."
1987 A bomb planted by the Irish Republican Army exploded 
 in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland, at a ceremony honoring 
 Britain's war dead. Eleven people were killed.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop 
 deployments in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000 
 soldiers to the multi-national force fighting against Iraq.
1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic 
 sanctions on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan 
 civil war.
1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist 
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make way 
 for the Three Gorges Dam.
2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the winner 
 of the 2000 U.S. presidential election.
2000 Waco special counsel John C. Danforth released his final 
 report that absolved the government of wrongdoing in the 1993 
 seige of the Branch Davidian compound in Texas. 
2013  smiled

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Crypto-Locker virus 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 7
Next eye injections will be Nov 13, six days from now.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him." --- Napoleon Bonaparte The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

The company my brother worked for had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, he knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the phone rang, he would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline. I'm sorry, but you've dialed the wrong number." The caller would often reply with something like, "But I didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong.... Oh!" (Click.)
Red sky in the morning over my back yard (East) a few days ago. Quite predictably, it brought snow. Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rochelle Lynn Sapp, 33, Charged With Smashing Little Girl's Skull Over Coat, Girl Dies Two Days Later Reported by The Weekly Vice Rochelle Lynn Sapp, a 33-year-old Iowa woman, faces an upgrade in charges after the little girl she put into the hospital died from her injuries. According to police, an investigation was launched late last month after 3-year-old Autumn Elgersma arrived at Sioux Falls Childrens Hospital with a fractured skull and brain swelling. Sapp, who was watching the little girl at her in-home daycare, called the girl's mother at work and told her that her daughter had fallen down a flight of stairs and injured her head. Doctors examining the girl determined that her injuries were not consistent with Sapp's story. During a second round of questioning, Sapp reportedly admitted to injuring the girl by throwing her to the ground when she refused to take off her coat. Sapp was booked into jail and charged with willful injury to a child and child endangerment resulting in serious injury. Autumn Elgersma died from her injuries two days later. Since the abuse has now resulted in the child's death, prosecutors will re-examine the case and likely file new charges. Tech Support Pits From: US CERT Re: Crypto-Locker Ransom Ware Dear Webby, The National Cyber Awareness System made an announcement about the new CryptoLocker Ransomware Infections. CryptoLocker is a new variant of ransomware that restricts access to infected computers and demands the victim provide a payment to the attackers in order to decrypt and recover their files. As of this time, the primary means of infection appears to be phishing emails containing malicious attachments. While victims are told they have three days to pay the attacker through a third-party payment method (MoneyPak, Bitcoin), some victims have claimed online that they paid the attackers and did not receive the promised decryption key. US-CERT and DHS encourage users and administrators experiencing a ransomware infection NOT to respond to extortion attempts by attempting payment and instead to report the incident to the FBI at the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). Do not follow unsolicited web links in email messages or submit any information to webpages in links Use caution when opening email attachments. If your computer IS infected with CryptoLocker, it is going to get expensive, or tedious. Most likely you will have to format and re-install. If you notice the infection, immediately disconnect from external drives and networks, yes, cloud storage too. They might not be infected yet. Run a full scan with a reputable anti-virus program like McAfee. NO, not the free stuff that allowed this infection to happen! If too many system files have already been encrypted, a scan can only detect that, but can't reverse that. Try to do a system restore to a week or more in the past. It might not let you do that, but it's worth a try. If you can't, print out all registration keys and program download URLs, passwords and anything you will need after re-installing Windows. Find your Windows CD or contact your computer vendor about it. On some machines a restore copy is in a hidden partition, that MIGHT still be usable after the attackers lock up the machine. You will probably need help from the computer vendor to do that. Print out the contact info for them. It would not hurt at all to prepare all that info, even if your machine is not infected. If you are prepard, then most likely nothing bad will happen. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Vinegar and Baking Soda for Clogged Disposal My garbage disposal got clogged after I drained cooked rice into it. I tried to use a plunger to clear the clog but it did not work. While browsing Google for an answer, I came across ThriftyFun and the advice to use vinegar, baking soda with hot water. It worked like a miracle. In less than 5 minutes, it was cleared with plunging 2-3x. Thanks a lot. By acmg1992 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A friend, working in a gas station, was doing some minor repairs on a ladies vehicle. Before the car was removed from the rack, she asked him to rotate all the wheels so that the valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onto the work sheet that she had to take up to the front.
An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out fifty years of chocolate cake."

» Knock on wood!

Today, Nov 7, in
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader 
 in the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony for heresy.
1665 "The London Gazette" was first published.
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated by 
 William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or (Tippecanoe).
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy 
 was shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while 
 trying to protect his printing shop from a third destruction.
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized 
 as an elephant in a cartoon by T. Nast in Harper's Weekly.
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by 
 Albert H. Hook.
1893 The state of Colorado granted women the right to vote.
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first 
 transcontinental railway in the mountains of BC.
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The 
 provisional government of Alexander Kerensky was 
 overthrown by forces led by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.
1932 "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" was broadcast for 
 the first time on CBS Radio.
1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from 
 Pennsylvanian "Blue Laws."
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in 
 Washington state collapsed during a windstorm. The 
 suspension bridge had opened to traffic on July 1, 1940.
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 person to win a fourth term as president.
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television ads.
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, 
 OH, becoming the first black mayor of a major city.
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that 
 college students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would 
 lose their draft deferments.
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of 
 the War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power 
 to wage war without congressional approval.
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of 
 Justice. The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, 
 including 11 Supreme Court Justices. The Palace had been 
 seized by leftist guerrillas belonging to the April 19 
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. 
 He had been president since the country's independence 
 in 1956.
1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde.
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia, 
 becoming the first elected African-American state governor 
 in U.S. history.
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's 
 first African-American mayor.
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow 
 on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution.
1991 Actor Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, pled no 
 contest to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been 
 arrested in Sarasota, FL, for exposing himself in a theater.
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men 
 admitted to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl.
1999 Tiger Woods became the first golfer since Ben Hogan 
 in 1953 to win four straight tournaments.
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first 
 president's wife to win public office. The state of 
 New York elected her to the U.S. Senate. (New York)
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched.
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying 
 commercially. Briefly.
2013  smiled

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Why use multipliers on data? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 6
My eye injections have been postponed. I'll tell you
once I find out the new date.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.' --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) Mohammed Elbiary, an advisor to Obama and to the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and on record as an admirer of the late Ayatollah Khomenei, who ordered the hostage taking in Teheran, wrote this week that the US Constitution is sharia-compliant and won't need to be completely scrapped. Now doesn't that make your day?
Speaking of @#$%^&, I saw this on the front page of Metro UK: Details of the perverts were automatically sent to police in the areas, where the perverts live. Credit card info too, of course. I hope the Sweetie robot first maxed out their credit cards, so that they could not tangle with other kids! Imagine them trying to get a refund, and told to go to the police :D Click on the picture for the large version Picture of Sweetie, the pervert catching robot.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

>From Ed The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water.
Thanks to Noella for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Here is a pic I took a week or so ago from inside my screened in front porch during a rain. I love the ethereal quality. Noella
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Asher Vongtau, 19, NY, NY Stuck NYU student Asher Vongtau was drinking and fell into crevice between buildings, he tells cops Reported by NY Daily News The NYU student who was rescued Sunday night after being trapped for 36 hours in a space between two Lower Manhattan buildings told cops he was drinking at a party and later slipped and fell into the gap, police sources said. Asher Vongtau, 19, wound up wedged between a NYU dormitory at 80 Lafayette St. and a next-door garage. He suffered broken ribs and a fractured skull, police sources said. Police said they believe Vongtau walked through a service exit that’s only accessible through the first floor of the dorm at 80 Lafayette St. He then walked up a metal staircase to the second-floor level, then hopped a railing and stepped onto a landing for the adjacent building. He fell off that landing. Asher Vongtau, 19, was found about 5 p.m. wedged at the bottom of the narrow shaft between the NYU dormitory at 80 Lafayette St. and a parking garage, fire officials said. His family had been frantic. “My son is the most responsible kid in the world,” Vongtau’s distraught mother, Habiba Vongtau, told the Daily News Sunday night as she traveled by Greyhound from her Pittsburgh home. Somebody will have to tell Habiba that "the most responsible kid in the world” may have to cut down on the drinking, or she will be billed for rescues and damages. Rescue workers saved Vongtau by breaking through a cinderblock wall. Tech Support Pits From: Norma Re: Why use multipliers on data? Dear Webby, Why would somebody use a multiplier on data and cheat and manipulate them like Al Gore? I find that highly unethical and to even tell people, how to do that! Norma Dear Norma Simmer down! Using a consistent multiplier for a range of data does not manipulate them. That trick is used to make them visible. The main thing is to use a consistent multiplier throughout. Let me give you an example. On my Sugar & Weight chart, the sugar values are between 6 and 15. My weight is between 188 and 198 Now, quite obviously the sugar and the weight values can't be used as is. If the sugar values are, for example, between 6 and 15 cm (2.4 inch - 6 inch), then using the same scale, the weight would be 188 cm - 198 cm (74 inch - 77 inch) Obviously, that would look silly. So I use a formula that subtracts 180 from the weight and uses the left over 8 to 18 for the graph. Since I do that for EVERY day of the year, the graph is quite true. It shows the daily variations in my weight. I use the weight as a background AREA style, and superimpose the morning, noon, evening and night sugar values as bar graphs. If you are not familiar with graphs, that looks like a city with highrise buildings in four colors, in front of a background of mountains. The mountains are my weight. I use a graduated color for them, green at the bottom turning to red the higher they are. If my weight gets into the red, I have to fast. When used honestly, not to try and proove a wacky concept and make you feel guilty, graphs can be very helpful. Graphs have been around for a long time, and to be honest, I liked them more BEFORE they were dumbed down for Windows. In good old DOS graphs had a text file with all the ranges and settings, and there was no mushy mousing around. They ar easy to get used to and fun, once you get started with them. Here you see a clip from my Sugar & Weight graph. The doctor had told me to stop the Furosemide. So I did at the end of October. You see what happened to my weight! And you see what happend on Nov 4, when I started taking that again. You can't beat graphs for visualizing changes and to alert you to them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Place Line Dried Clothes In The Dryer To Soften Up To save on utilities and clothes softener, I line dry many clothes in the house then put them in the dryer on air fluff. It's amazing how soft they become. By Maria Elena from Gwynedd Valley, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, "I guess you'd be eating alone. I can't swim THAT far! 45 degrees West is in the middle of th Atlantic."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Betty-Sue passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"
A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer turned on the noisy whoop-whoops and flashing lights and pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!"

» Blast from the past

Today, Nov 6, in
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth 
 president of the United States.
1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of 
 the Confederacy in the U.S.
1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of 
 Indian miners in South Africa.
1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of 
 Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres.
1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver.
1935 Edwin H. Armstrong announced his development of 
 FM broadcasting.
1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll 
 in the Pacific Ocean.
1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that 
 condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies.
1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow 
 250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971.
1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, 
 a mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that 
 march into the nation of Western Sahara.
1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst, 
 sending a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa 
 Falls Bible College in Georgia.
1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over 
 northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents
 to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban 
 resisters to the U.S-led invasion.
1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19 
 Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota.
1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced in
 Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to being 
 the head of a family spy ring.
1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by 
 the Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. 
 had been secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to 
 secure the release of seven American hostages.
1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, 
 the U.S. announced that it would unfreeze $567 million 
 in Iranian assets that had been held since 1979.
1991 Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil 
 fires ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War.
1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop 
 Britain's queen as their head of state.
2001 Ten people were executed in Beijing, China. The state 
 newspaper of China said that all of the people executed 
 were robbers and killers aged 20-23.
2013  smiled

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How do you use a fixed multiplier in a spreadsheet? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 5.

My Eye injections have been postponed for some 
other day. I will tell you the exat date, when I find out.

For the past 60 years, conventional medical authorities 
have warned that saturated animal fats cause heart disease 
and should be severely restricted in a heart-healthy diet. 

Well, when I had a major heart attack, I stopped believing
their BS. After all, the 100+ year old dudes in Nepal are 
taking a spoon full of butter and a chunk of rock salt with 
each cup of tea, and they drink lots of tea.

Yes, you got it, the eggspurts also get right hysterical 
about salt. When I was in the hospital, they didn't allow
me to have ANY salt. 
As soon as I got back home, I started using salt, and soon 
started to heal and and so I promptly increased my use of 
butter and salt.

Now the medical big-shots are starting to admit, that the
Animal Fat Scare is totally bogus.

I would not be surprised if the vegetarians, who cobbled 
together that theory, died in their fourties or fifties.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you build bridges you can keep crossing them. --- Rick Pitino You're supposed to trust friends. You have no reason to be his friend? That is part of the pleasure of friendship: trusting without absolute evidence and then being rewarded for that trust. --- David Shore
A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk when a co-worker comes up. "Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks. "Sorry," the man says, "I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor tells me I can't play." "Oh," says the co-worker, "he's been out with you, too?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

The bank manager noticed the new clerk wasn't good at counting money or adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied.
Click on the picture for the large version Creationists are getting right noisy about this hammer, that they claim was in Cretaceous rock, in London, Texas
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Lucus, 46, Ocala, Floriduh Jailed After Molesting Friend's 6-year-Old Son Inside Gas Station Restroom Reported by The Weekly Vice Michelle Lucus, a 46-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly molested a friend's 6 year old son inside a gas station restroom. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, a trip to the local gas station became a living nightmare for a 6-year-old boy when she reportedly pulled him into the gas station's restroom and performed a sex act on him. During a forensic interview, the child stated that he and Lucus had walked to a nearby Chevron gas station to pick up a few things for the family when the incident occurred. Once Lucus and the boy entered the store, Lucus allegedly invited the boy into a bathroom with her. When the boy refused, Lucus grabbed him by the arm and forced him into the bathroom. Once inside, Lucus allegedly locked the door, pulled down the boy's pants and proceeded to perform oral sex on him. Lucus and the boy then left the gas station and walked to a friend's home for a few minutes. After leaving the friend's home, Lucus allegedly walked the boy back to the gas station and attempted to get him to go back into the restroom. When the boy refused, Lucus became angry, purchased and order of chicken wings and then returned the boy to his home. The boy later told his father about the incident, who reported it to police. During questioning, Lucus admitted to entering the restroom with the boy but claimed that she couldn't remember what happened next. She was booked into the Marion County Jail and charged with sexual battery on a child under the age of 12 and false imprisonment of a child under the age of 13. Tech Support Pits From: Hanna Re: Fixed multiplier in a spreadsheet Dear Webby, I know there is a way to do it, but can't find out how. I need to use a formula to pad values for a graph, so that the lines are "in the same ballpark" and not right off the page. I don't want the multiplier (.4) on each row, but just at one central location, so that I can easily update it. Yeah, I know, you shoed us once before, many years ago. Thanks Hanna Dear Hanna Usually the Cell A1 is free, since the headers start at B1. Put 0.4 into cell A1, or any other free and convenient cell. Then in the cell D2, or where you want the padded result of whatever you got in C2, put: in Quattro +C2*$A$1 or in Excel =C2*$A$1 The $A nails the source to THAT particular column, and the $1 nails it to THAT particular row, instead of adjusting it as you copy that formula down the page. For those of you new to spreadsheets, if you copy a formula from, for example cell D2 to all the cells below it down to D200, it adjusts. The C2, the data source, becomes C3 in the next line, then C4, all the way to C100. Since you want the formula to NOT use the dates, that you have in the A column, but just look at what you got in A1, or Z1, or wherever you got the multiplier, you nail that part of the formula down with the $. You can, if you want, nail just the column or just the row. Whichever one is nailed with the $, will always be looked up in THAT spot. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Microwave Bananas To Eliminate Fruit Flies To eliminate getting fruit flies from bananas try this tip. When you bring home bunches of bananas, put the bunch in the microwave for 10 seconds. I have used this method for years and it has been wonderful in eliminating fruit flies in my kitchen. By FrugalCA from CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the matronly customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is one of my all time favorites, that just came back to me: "Information? I need the number of Causeway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. U as in up. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
>From Baba Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 07:41:23 am, e.s.t. God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault. God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me! Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY right. God help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing. God give me patience, and I mean right NOW! Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?) God, help me to finish everything I sta God, help me to keep my mind on one th -- Look, a bird -- ing at a time. God help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing? Lord keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be. Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way. Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes. Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

» Wild Horses

Today, Nov 5, in
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed 
 when he was captured before he could blow up the English 
 Parliament. Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th 
 in Britain to celebrate his failure to blow up all the 
 members of Parliament and King James I.
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful 
 cataract operation at the Zoological Garden.
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for 
 an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four 
 years later.
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli.
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented 
 third term in office.
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of 
 Representatives at the age of 29.
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during 
 the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later.
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement 
 at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. 
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale 
 of weapons to Iran.
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong 
 evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child 
 (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight 
 champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th 
 round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed 
 up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town.
1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by 
 delegates from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany.
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer 
 Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint 
 venture specializing in airline services.
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people and wounded 30 others. 
2013  smiled

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Sorting address lists with addresses, names and comments 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 4.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated. --- Jeph Jacques, Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." --- Ronald Reagan "The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so." --- Ronald Reagan
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

This year's Halloween the University tracked Trick-or-Treaters according to their star signs and found the following: Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael James, Pascal, 45 Off Duty pilot Jailed for groping 14 year old girl passenger Reported by The Smoking Gun An off-duty pilot traveling on a Delta Air Lines flight Saturday allegedly groped the buttocks of a sleeping 14-year-old girl who was seated next to him and flying as an unaccompanied minor, The Smoking Gun has learned. Michael James Pascal, 45, was named yesterday in a felony complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Salt Lake City, Utah. Pascal, who works as a Delta Connection pilot, was charged with abusive sexual contact on an aircraft. According to FBI Agent Cameron Smilie, Pascal and the teenage victim were traveling on Delta Flight #855, which departed Detroit at 5:45 PM Saturday and arrived in Salt Lake City about three hours later. The girl, who was on crutches due to an injured foot, boarded the flight early, and was seated next to the window in row 44. Pictured above, Pascal, a “non-revenue ticketed passenger,” sat in the row’s middle seat. As detailed in the complaint, the girl (who is only identified by her initials, “R.S.”) told investigators that after having a short conversation with Pascal about her injury, “I made sure I had the armrest down because I usually feel uncomfortable when people get to close to me.” The teenager said she later fell asleep in a seated position “with her legs pulled close to her chest and her feet on her seat.” When she awoke, the girl recalled, she noticed Pascal’s hand “under the left cheek of her buttocks.” The hand, she noted, was “far enough under her buttocks that his fingers were touching her inner thigh.” Agent Smilie reported that the girl described feeling Pascal’s hand as “being palm up and feeling him gripping her buttocks but not moving.” The armrest between her and Pascal “was in the upright position” and some of Pascal’s body weight was on her. Pascal’s eyes were open and he “was clearly awake,” the teenager told investigators. The girl said that she elbowed Pascal in the right arm and yelled, “What the hell are you doing?” After being struck by the teenager, Pascal “quickly pulled his hand out from under R.S.,” Smilie noted. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I was asleep, I have to use the bathroom,” Pascal told the girl, according to the criminal complaint. After pressing the call button to summon a flight attendant, the girl left her seat and contacted a member of the flight crew (who moved the child to the plane’s last row). After the plane landed in Utah, Pascal was interviewed by law enforcement officials. He claimed to have fallen asleep with his hands in his lap, but did not recall “where his hands were when he was awoken” by the girl’s thrown elbow and her “What the hell are you doing?” demand. Pascal said that it “may be possible for his hand to have fallen in the minor’s seat while he was asleep.” When asked why he raised the armrest between him and the girl, Pascal explained that the male passenger in the aisle seat “was taking some of the space.” He added that the girl “was smaller and was not taking as much room in her seat.” In custody since his arrest, Pascal appeared this afternoon in federal court, where a magistrate scheduled a detention hearing for Friday afternoon. Tech Support Pits From: Ariane Re: Sort addresses alphabetically Dear Webby, I have a fairy large list of addresses, but they are all in the order, that I added them. That makes it almost impossible to find any certain address before my eyes go funny. How can I sort them alphabetically? Oh, by the way, I have each address on a line, and on the same line, after a comma, the name, and after another comma, some comment. Ariane Dear Ariane Paste your addresses into a plain text file, and import that into a spreadsheet, like for example Excel. You can get Excel 2000 at eBay or Amazon for very little, and the 2000 version is favored by most people over the newer versions anyway. Excel will help you import that text file and split it into columns, where the commas had separated your data. That is called CSV (Comma Separated Values). Now put the cursor into the left top, hold down SHIFT, click onto the right bottom of the data to select all the data, all columns. Click on Data, Sort The default will be the leftmost column, but you can choose the second column, where you have the names. Click OK and it is done. As a fringe benefit, you can put the cursor onto the top email address, hit F2, and Enter. It becomes clickable, and call your email program, with that address already filled into the TO line. I am not sure if all email programs do that, but Eudora has been doing that since at least 1993. Just run down the list with one finger on the F2 and one on the ENTER, and all your addresses become clickable. You can re-sort your data. Select ALL Columns, not just the first one, Data, Sort, select sort criteria, and OK. In the 80's on the good ol 8088 computers, you could actually watch it sort, and a long list somtimes took 5 - 6 seconds. Nowadays it will sort any length of list instantly. Save your nicely sorted list under a new name occasionally, for example list-Nov2013.xls If you sort the list by selecting just one column, and can't revert with CTRL Z, or closing without saving, then the list is pretty well trashed. Then it is nice to be able to get your safety copy. They don't take much space. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Use Inexpensive Shampoo to Clean Bathtub Rings I have found that using an inexpensive shampoo when cleaning rings from the bathtub, that the rings and soap scum will come right off. Source: I learned this from ThriftyFun. By Jane from Smackover, AR In the 70's there was a Cheech and Chong record, in which the parents got so annoyed by their kids, that they moved, while the kids were in school. " dey took EVERYting but de ring around de tub!" I buy dish soap by the Gallon at Costco and fill regular dispensors from it. One quick squirt while the tub is filling not only prevents a "ring around de tub", but provides a very cheap bubble bath, that keeps the water insulated and hot longer. Actually, I am using an additional trick for that. Instead of a duct for the hot air to a register just past the tub, I am using the space between tub and floor as a duct. The tub metal is always very nice and warm, except in summer, when the heat is turned off. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A hunting guide got himself into an embarassing fix. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you were the best guide in Montana!" they asserted. "I am," he said, "but I think we're in Alberta now."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row. So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down. When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too. Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down. After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish." The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't. It's that obvious?" "Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."
Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the engineers. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for! P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF often inoperative in OFF mode. P: Pilot's seat does not recline. S: Reklinsch to schnoozing persition OK affer removing fergotten blottle of rum. P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with words. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

» LOL Cats

Today, Nov 4, in
1846 The patent for the artificial leg is granted to 
 Benjamin Palmer.
1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register.
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the 
 lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen.
1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality 
 stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy 
 allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents.
1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first air-
 conditioned car was put on display.
1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to supress the 
 uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956.
1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to exceed 
 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph.
1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and 
 took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants, 
 mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah 
 back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later released, 
 but 52 were held for the next 14 months.
1985 Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was 
 returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had 
 been kidnapped by the CIA.
1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of 
 East Berlin in a pro-democracy rally.
1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight 
 a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait.
1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, 
 was assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after 
 attending a peace rally.
1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against 
 the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The 
 sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused 
 to turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with 
 masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies 
 in Kenya and Tanzania.
2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and 
 thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture 
 of sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba 
 received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S. 
 in nearly 40 years.
2013  smiled

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File list into spreadsheet, alphabetically 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, November 3.

Next Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

If you have not turned back your clocks yet, today is the
day to turn all your clocks back an hour. Europe went onto
Winter Time a couple of weeks ago, but Bush gave us a couple 
of weeks more of summer time. As far as i am concerned,
I would be happy with summer time all year long.

About the CF (Curly-pig-tail Fluorescent lamps, that so 
many commented about, they do indeed require a lot more
resources and electricity to make, but they only cost less
than a quarter in China. The reason they cost so much more 
here is because the sheeple have been brainwashed into 
believing they are worth it, and because thanks to the 
brainwash, the merchants get away with charging that much 
more. Once people smarten up and stop falling for the lies,
the price will come down. 

Some merchants still sell the regular incandescent lightbulbs,
even though they make a lot less on them.
Sylvania is still making Billions of them. 
In the USA! And in Canada.
Not everybody is gullible enough to pay the outrageous 
prices for the imported CF lamps.

If your hardware store does not sell incandescent lightbulbs,
go to Sylvania-Where-to-buy and punch in your zip code.

Once the cost of the Chinese CF bulbs comes down, I might 
try them again, but until then, I am buying Northamerican made 
incandescent bulbs. 

If any sleazy salesperson tells you, that incandescent bulbs
are no longer made, tell them that they are full of poodle 
crap and are lying to you.
Sylvania has ACTIVE plants in
   Beverly, MA  
   Danvers, MA  
   Drummondville, Quebec
   Exeter, NH  
   Hillsboro, NH  
   Manchester, NH  
   Mississauga, Ontario  
   St. Marys, PA  
   Versailles, KY  
   Wellsboro, PA  
   Winchester & Lexington, KY  

If you get near any of those towns, go on a guided tour
and send me some pictures to show everybody!

Sylvania is my favorite, but is just one of a bunch of 
companies, that make incandescent lightbulbs.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump, he even wrote it down for me." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" "A Datsun." As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too." "Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down customer pick-up, Datsun 280Z water pump, part number . .
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!" Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Your turn!" ------------------ When i was working as a fishing guide on Tincup Lake in the Yukon in 1971, I told that joke to every boatload of customers. Believe it or not, about half of them asked if I had any dynamite along.
Thanks to Chris for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Calgary, Nov 1/2013
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Vargas, 33, San Antonio, Texas Jailed for ripping her son's scrotum during anger fit Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Vargas, a 33-year-old Texas woman, was jailed last Wednesday after she allegedly ripped open her 6-year-old son's scrotum during an angry fit, then attempted to mend it with super glue. According to police, an investigation was launched last week when a 6-year-old boy arrived at the hospital with a 1.5 inch tear in his scrotum that had been glued back together with super glue. Investigators say the boy's mother, Jennifer Vargas, was angry when she grabbed her son's testicles and pulled on them. The boy suffered a 1.5 inch tear to his scrotum and a bruised penis as a result. During a police interview, Vargas told detectives that she "treated" the injury by cleaning it with alcohol and then using super glue to close the wound. Vargas then stuffed the boy's underwear with toilet paper and sent him to bed. The boy's trauma was later discovered when his father found him crying in his bedroom and found blood in his underwear. The boy was taken to the hospital where he went into immediate emergency surgery. Vargas was booked into jail and charged with assault causing bodily injury. The case moves forward to a grand jury where an indictment or formal charges are pending. The boy's father has announced that he will be seeking a divorce from Vargas before she swings him around by his family jewels. Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: File list into spreadsheet Dear Webby, I HAVE paid attention and know how to turn a file name in a spreadsheet into a clickable link. What I still need to learn is how to get all the file names from a folder into a spreadsheet, in alphabetical order. Cookie Dear Cookie Fund the folder with the File Explorer and highlight the folder name. Hold down SHIFT and right-click it. Select "Open Command Window Here". Yeah, I know, that is a top secret left-over from somebody troubleshooting Windows during it's construction. Once you have the DOS prompt showing the name of that folder, type dir /b and hit Enter It will instantly show you the files in alphabetical order. Right-click and select Mark Smear the file names with the mouse and hit Enter. That puts them into the clip-board. Now jump to the spreadsheet and put the cursor where you want the topmost file name, and hit CTRL V That pastes them right where you want them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Making a Tighter Prettier Bow It is almost that time of year we seem to make or attempt to make bows for Christmas. My tip is that you can get a much tighter bow and a prettier bow if, when finishing, you twist the whole bow instead of the wire. I don't know why the bow teachers didn't use this method for finishing bows. Doing it this way is also easier on your hands. By Janette Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 98." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 98. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."

» LOL Cats

Today, Nov 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of 
 Lisa Gherardini to paint her:The Mona Lisa.
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate 
 himself to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity.
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
 Britain did not like China restricting the Opium trade and
 forced China to allow Britain to trade as much opium in 
 China as they want.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at 
 LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger.
1900 The first automobile show in the United States opened 
 at New York's Madison Square Garden.
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia.
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis 
 Chevrolet and William C. Durant.
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the 
 Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S.
1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time 
 in a supermarket in Chester, NY.
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the 
 second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the 
 first to put a mammal into space, a dog named Laika.
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March 
 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach the planet 
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot 
 to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally 
 in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded.
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first 
 broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the 
 release of seven American hostages. The story turned into 
 the Iran-Contra affair.
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of 
 arms to Iran.
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning 
 her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that 
 the children had been abducted by a black carjacker.
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at 
 Arlington National Cemetery to the 270 victims of 
 the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103.
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former 
 pro wrestler, as its governor.
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft 
 constitution was unveiled. They don't use theirs either.
2013  smiled

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Why is Windows 7 slowing down? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, November 2.

Next Tuesday, Nov 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs again. That means no newsletters and no emails
answerd on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) Always do what you want, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. --- Dr. Suess
My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot you down?"
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

Thanks to Kati for this story: A canibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow canibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu. Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The canibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, Kingsport, Tennessee Jailed for Repeatedly hitting boyfriend with his truck Reported by The Smoking Gun After an evening out drinking, a Tennessee woman became so angry with her live-in boyfriend for failing to make a McDonald’s pit stop that she struck him three times with his own vehicle. Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, Santiago Hernandez, 41, and a second man were traveling in Hernandez’s truck early Thursday morning when Brooks got mad because “they didn’t stop at McDonald’s,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report. Brooks demanded that Hernandez pull over. When he complied, Brooks licked him out of his truck, replaced him in the driver’s seat of the Chevrolet S-10. While Hernandez was standing in front of the truck, Brooks drove into him, knocking the father of her child to the ground. She then “pulled forward and struck him 2 more times with the truck,” police charge. A responding officer noted that Hernandez had abrasions on his arm and back, and his “clothing appeared torn, consistent with being dragged on the pavement.” Brooks denied plowing into Hernandez, claiming that he had actually jumped on the truck’s hood. Seen in the above booking photo, Brooks was arrested for aggravated assault and booked into the Sullivan County jail, where she remains in custody. Drunk driving charges may be added. Tech Support Pits From: Gene Re: W7 Slow-Down Dear Webby, I enjoy your letter every day except when you go to get your eyes pierced! My problem is with my laptop running W7 professional. It has gotten very slow in all operations and when I open Disk cleaner it runs for a short time and then says memory dump error. I am stumped as to where to go. I have run crap cleaner- no help. Where can I go from here? Thanks for your input Gene R. Dear Gene That is very common, and contrary to popular opinion, not Microsoft trying to make you feel sorry for not buying extra copies of XP, when they were still available. And no, they are not trying to chase you to W8.1 either. That has even worse problems. The solution is actually surprisingly simple. Close all not currently in use web pages, especially if they have Adobe Flash on it. Yes, I know, bookmarks are often unreliable, and the temptation to leave tabs open, if you think, you might have more time to study those pages later, is very great. Just open a spreadsheet or NoteTab, and paste the URL in there, and maybe even add some comments. The sad fact is that if your W7 is updated to the minute, and if your Adobe Flash is updated too, then you either have to put up with a slow klunker acting like you were on a really sad hillbilly fence wire dial-up, or reboot every 4 hours if you use Internet Explorer or every 5 hours on FireFox, if you have a few tabs with flash on it open. If you leave a tab with flash on it run overnight, then in the morning the machine will be disgustingly slow. A lot of stuff uses flash nowadays, often in nuisance ads on the side. If something starts making noise on it's own, then most likely it is flash. Sometimes pages, especially news pages, are designed to be wider than your screen, and have ads out there in unseen nowhere-land. Sure, when Google catches them, they will be punished, but some bozos keep trying that stupid stunt anyway. If you her noise and don't see the ad, that is making it, shrink your page with CTRL + Scroll Wheel, and you will see it. Paste the URL of that page into your log, and kill it. You will be surprised at how fast your machine will be, and how long you can run it without rebooting. It will act just like it did until about half a year ago, when rebooting once a month was recommended, but not really necessary. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Storing Blankets I've lived in several places with limited storage. To save room when it came time to remove blankets or place a lighter weight bedspread/comforter, I merely place them on the bed and then put the sheets on over them. It also helps making the bed more comfy. By Diane A. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3. He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third." The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them. Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy. A few years later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything". It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved. A year later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

» Jaming It:

Today, Nov 2, in
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed 
 his title to emperor.
1883 Thomas Edison executed a patent application for an 
 electrical indicator using the Edison effect lamp
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car 
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed support 
 for a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine.
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia.
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber. 
 It was named DuPrene.
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden 
airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's 
 first and only flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed because 
 of the white-gray color of the spruce used to build it, 
 never went into production.
1960 In London, the novel "Lady Chatterly's Lover," was found 
 not guilty of obscenity.
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was assassinated 
 in a military coup.
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to apply 
 for permanent residence in the U.S.
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New 
 Jersey prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for 
 the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper.
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed 
 in the U.S. since 1962. She had been convicted of the 
 poisoning death of her boyfriend.
1986 American hostage David Jacobson was released after being 
 held in Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims kidnappers.
1995 The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly covering 
 up $1.1 billion in trading losses.
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the 
 church's first openly gay bishop.
2013  smiled

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Which browser is best for Internet Radio? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Regarding the Affordable Care Act, remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it” A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample". That pretty well sums it up. --- Lillemor
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left." Linda turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past Yin road. Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin Road anywhere! Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask directions. She stopped and asked at the next farm. "I ain't never heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer. "But ya might try askin' old man McGillicuddy, he's lived 'round here for better 'n 70 years." "Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?" "He lives on the third farm past the Y in the road."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brianne Altice, 34, Kaysville, Utah Jailed for Repeatedly Having Sex With Gossipy Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Brianne Altice, a 34-year-old teacher at Davis High School, was jailed Monday after she repeatedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched when the victim, now 17, came forward to report the relationship. The relationship allegedly began when the student was 15 years old and continued until he was 16. The victim attended the same school and Altice was reportedly one of his teachers. Investigators say the victim told detectives that he and Altice engaged in sexual intercourse at least 7 times with 5 of those encounters taking place at Altice's South Weber home. Two encounters reportedly took place in Kaysville, which include sex at a local park. During a police interview, the teen was able to accurately describe tattoos on Altice's body and correctly described the layout of her home. Altice reportedly admitted to having sex with the student on at least two occasions She was booked into jail and charged with two counts of unlawful sexual activity with a minor. ------------- Just seven times in two years! Aside from being a terminal moron for nailing down a lifetime reputation as a gossip, what is wrong with the idiot, that he can limit himself to just once every FOUR months? Especially with a fairly cute babe? The same goes for her. If the kid is such a hot jock, that he is so much better than any teacher or visitor to the strip club, where she got talked into hidden tattoos, to risk trashing her carreer, then how can a 34 year old woman limit herself to just once every FOUR months? Times sure have changed! Tech Support Pits From: Sandra Re: Which browser is better for music? Dear Webby, Which browser is better or best for playing music? I am using the, that you recommend about once every year, but notice a difference between different browsers, but am not sure if that is an illusion or real. Thanks Sandra Dear Sandra I find that FireFox plays music from that site the best. Other sites, that require MediaPlayer or QuickTime or similar players, seem to sound best with MediaPlayer, even though that program is not as good as it used to be. I miss the controls for slowing down to re-listen to hard to understand parts or speeding up to search for a specific portion of a recording, but the sound is good (on my external speakers). Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Using Jack O'Lanterns After Halloween One way we save at Halloween is simple. We either wait until the day of to carve our pumpkins OR, we paint on the face with non toxic paint. Then the day after, we cut up the pumpkin, boil in salt water, then peel and mash when cool. I later freeze in freezer containers labeled with the correctly measured amount for what ever pumpkin pie or pumpkin recipe I want to next bake. When my kids were younger, I mashed and froze in small amounts (usually in an ice cube tray, then transferred when frozen to a larger bag to hold all the pumpkin cubes) for baby food. The days following Halloween are a good time to get very inexpensive pumpkins--but don't wait too long, as the prices will go back up in about a week in prep for Thanksgiving. By mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Ted Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. "Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?" The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming in to work or leaving?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."

» Optical Illusions

Today, Nov 1, in
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine 
 Chapel were first exhibited to the public.
1604 "Othello," the tragedy by William Shakespeare, was first 
 presented at Whitehall Palace in London.
1611 "The Tempest," Shakespeare's romantic comedy, was first 
 presented at Whitehall Palace in London.
1755 At least 60,000 people were killed in Lisbon, Portugal 
 by an earthquake, its aftershocks and the ensuing tsunami.
1765 The British Parliament enacted The Stamp Act in the 
 American colonies. The act was repealed in March of 1766 
 on the same day that the Parliament passed the Declaratory 
 Acts which asserted that the British government had free 
 and total legislative power of the colonies.
1800 U.S. President John Adams became the first president 
 to live in the White House when he moved in.
1864 The U.S. Post Office started selling money orders. 
 The money orders provided a safe way to payments by mail.
1870 The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological 
 observations using 24 locations that provided reports via 
1879 Thomas Edison executed his first patent application for 
 a high-resistance carbon filament (U.S. Pat. 223,898).
1894 Russian Emperor Alexander III died.
1911 Italy used planes to drop bombs on the Tanguira oasis 
 in Libya. It was the first aerial bombing.
1949 In Washington, 55 people were killed when a fighter plane 
 hit an airliner.
1950 Two Puerto Rican nationalists tried to assassinate U.S. 
 President Harry Truman. One of the men was killed when they 
 tried to force their way into Blair House in Washington, DC.
1952 The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb on 
 Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall Islands.
1954 Algeria began to rebel against French rule.
1959 Jacques Plante, of the Montreal Canadiens, became the first 
 goalie in the NHL to wear a mask.
1963 The USSR launched Polyot I. It was the first satellite capable 
 of maneuvering in all directions and able to change its orbit.
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to demonstrate 
 on November 4 and to expand their attacks against the U.S. 
 and Israel. On November 4, Iranian militants seized the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage.
1985 In the village of Ignacio Aldama, 22 members of a Mexican 
 anti-narcotics squad were killed by alleged drug traffickers.
1989 Tens of thousands of refugees fled to the West when East 
 Germany reopened its border with Czechoslovakia.
1989 Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega announced the end of a 
 cease-fire with the Contra rebels.
1993 The European Community's treaty on European unity took 
1998 Nicaraguan Vice President Enrique Bolanos announced that 
 between 1,000 and 1,500 people were buried in a 32-square 
 mile area below the slopes of the Casita volcano in northern 
 Nicaragua by a mudslide caused by Hurricane Mitch.
1998 Iridium inaugurated the first handheld, global satellite 
 phone and paging system.
2013  smiled

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Is MS Office ODF compliant? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, October 31.
Happy Halloween!

Thank you, Larry!

Today the second last of a box of those Chinese spiral bulbs
burned out and I had to insert the last one. The claim, that 
they would last longer than incandescent lightbulbs is 
obviously a lie.

They might save some electricity, but due to their much 
higher cost, don't seem to be worth it. Once their price
comes down to the same as regular lightbulbs, I will try
them again.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. --- John Updike If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. --- Sam Snead Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. --- Bishop Sheen It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. --- Mark Twain
>From Alf I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see me arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down. Our heads collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for several weeks. I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how I came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom I hadn't seen for some time looked at my black eye and ex- claimed, "My goodness, what happened to you?" "The dog did it," I wearily replied. A man standing next to us looked over at me and said knowingly, "Ahh, he must be a boxer."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.
Click on the picture for the large version Russian tow-truck
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sergio Irey, 21, Sarasota, Floriduh Deadbet son got mother jailed after she gave him some well deserved slaps Reported by The Smoking Gun According to Sergio Irey’s mother, the 21-year-old Florida man is unemployed, lives at home rent-free, does not help out with household chores or bills, has allowed his college grades to plummet, and “spends all his time with a girl who is a bad influence on him.” Sergio’s loafing does not sit well with Rocio Irey, 45, who has explained to her son that he “needs to get his life on track, straighten up, get a job and start helping around the house,” police report. Police report this because last night Rocio and Sergio were arguing about his reported layabout ways in her Sarasota home. Rocio told a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy that she became angered at her son “because he was not listening to her, he was back talking to her and he was being disrespectful by interrupting her and ignoring her.” So a frustrated Rocio slapped her son across the face twice, explaining, “I slapped him because he was being disrespectful to me, I’m his mother.” Sergio, who later acknowledged his churlish behavior, responded by calling the cops on his mother because he “became scared of her and didn’t know what else to do.” Sergio is more than a head taller than his mother. Though Sergio was uninjured by the slaps, Florida state law required that “the aggressor be arrested” for domestic battery. So Rocio was handcuffed and transported to the county jail, where she remains locked up. With his mom behind bars, it is unclear who will make Sergio’s bed or his lunch today. Hopefully his mother is smart enough to change the locks as soon as she gets out. Tech Support Pits From: Renata Re: Is Microsoft Office Open Document Standard compliant? Dear Webby, Is Microsoft Office Open Document Standard compliant, or are they being left behind? Renata Dear Renata Microsoft Office 2013 is Open Document Standard compliant. MS Office 2010 is partially compliant. Older versions are not. 2013 and 2010 versions are still too expensive and difficult to justify. Until they have come down in price on eBay and Amazon, just use Open Office or Office Libre or Corel Office. If you grew up with WordPerfect, you are going to love Corel Office. It is the same thing, just a new owner. And it still includes Quattro! I use it every day to do the graph with the votes for the top 4 and the page views. 9 fields daily, for a year, is no problem for Quattro and does not slow it down one bit. If your needs are not that critical, try Open Office. You won't be alone. 1,127,539 Downloads this Week, and it's only Wednesday. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Taking Good Pet Photos The best way for me to take photos of pets is next to a big window. It's always a good detraction, and you can control how much light comes through, with filters and shutter speed. By Paw Prints Pet Grooming from Sweethome, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll use the tractor to help you turn the wagon upright." "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset." "Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied Willis.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said:"I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head spinning and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars - more hot dogs, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant the dress size!"

» Street Art

Today, Oct 31, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of t
 he Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start 
 of the Protestant Reformation in Germany.
1864 Nevada became the 36th state to join the U.S.
1868 Postmaster General Alexander Williams Randall approved 
 a standard uniform for postal carriers.
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers 
 (Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria).
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy.
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis 
 resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been 
 damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in 
 the stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture 
 Houdini had commented on the strength of his stomach 
 muscles and their ability to withstand hard blows.
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain 
 prevented Germany from invading Britain.
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years 
 of work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents 
 George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt 
 and Abraham Lincoln were finished.
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed 
 by a German submarine near Iceland. More than 100 men 
 were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began 
 a revolt against French rule.
1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not 
 marry Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend.
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person 
 to land an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became 
 the first American to set foot on the South Pole.
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth, 
 TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the 
 time he was in Moscow, Russia.
1961 In the Soviet Union, the body of Joseph Stalin was 
 removed from Lenin's Tomb where it was on public display.
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to 
 all U.S. bombing of North Vietnam.
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as 
 Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during 
 the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane 
 had mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital.
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated 
 near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, 
 Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister.
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns 
 had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles 
 Taylor were blamed for the murders.
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72 
 plunged into a northern Indiana farm.
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to 
 life in prison after being convicted of second-degree 
 murder in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She 
 was released after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter.
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, 
 MA, killing all 217 people aboard.
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran 
 Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of 
 Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal 
 dispute over the nature of faith and salvation.
2013  smiled

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Why Open Office? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, October 30.
Thank you Jim for your special postcard!

From Judi (re
Thank you.  I just used the link for the download to get 
rid of it and it seemed to have worked.  When I opened 
Chrome again it was gone.
You saved the day again.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened. --- Stanley Walker
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??" "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ...because he hated the book!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Thanks to Bob for this story: My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you."
Click on the picture for the large version 2 ravens
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney McPhillips, 26, Scranton, PA Jailed After Officers Find 35 Packets Of Heroin Stashed Inside Her Vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Courtney McPhillips, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed Thursday after she was allegedly caught with 35 packets of heroin stashed inside her vagina. According to Scranton Police, an investigation was launched after a police informant told detectives about a local drug ring, and identified McPhillips and a male friend for their involvement in the operation. The pair were under investigation when an officer stopped McPhillips' gold minivan after she failed to stop at a stop sign. Investigators say officers searched McPhillips' minivan and recovered 12 packets of heroin and several prescription pills from a plastic cigarette case located inside the vehicle. McPhillips and her passenger, 27-year-old James (Jimmy) Walsh, were found with fresh needle marks in their arms and slurred speech. As the search for drugs continued, McPhillips was found to have 35 glassine packets of heroin stuffed inside her vagina. During a police interview, McPhillips told detectives that Walsh handed her the drugs and told her to hide them when they noticed that a patrol car was behind them. Walsh admitted to owning the heroin that was found in the car, but stated that he never instructed McPhillips to take it or hide it. McPhillips was booked into jail and charged with possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. Her bond was set at $25,000. Walsh was booked into jail and charged with delivery of a controlled substance and possession with intent to deliver. He was also taken into custody for violating his parole. He remains held in lieu of $50,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Marina Re: Why Open Office? Dear Webby, You mentioned Opne Office quite a bit, and I have seen it mentioned in many computer magazines, that are not too thick with Microsoft ads. What's the story about it? Marina Dear Marina If you had a company with 500 or 5000 employees, would you buy 500 or 5000 Microsoft Office licenses, or would you tell somebody to download Open Office, have them customize it for your company and let everybody copy that from the company site? The same applies to many Governments all over the world. Even though the very persuasive microsoft salespeople have fantastic incentives to offer, the current budget crunch makes it easy to resist them. Small town Governments usually fall for the incentives, that are for the buyer, who doesn't really give a hoot about the town budget, however larger towns tend to switch to Open Office or Office Libre. Office Libre (Free office) is similar, but gets updated more frequently. This is especially the case with countries, where the Government has switched to Linux. For reasons of reliability, 99.999% of web servers are using Linux, With Linux, instead of buying new machines with differenc copies of Windows to annoy the users, updates are just to the under-the-hood stuff, and the user interface never changes. That eliminates a lot of cussing and tech support demands. Open Office and Office Libre run just fine on Linux too, not just Windows. Since more and more of industry, commerce and governments have switched to Open Office, the workers of course get the same free programs for home too. Because a large part of Microsoft office is loaded during the Windows start-up, -that is why it takes so long-, opening a spreadsheet or document is fast, compared to using Open Office for that, but other than that small inconvenience, Open Office is a very popular alternative. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Cherry-Banana Cake Ingredients 1 1/2 cups sugar 1/2 cup vegetable shortening 1 tsp. vanilla 2 eggs 3/4 cup mashed bananas 2 cups sifted flour 2 1/2 tsp. baking powder 1/4 tsp. salt 1/2 cup maraschino cherries, chopped and well drained 1/4 cup milk Directions Cream the sugar and shortening until fluffy. Beat in the vanilla, eggs and bananas. Sift the dry ingredients, combine with the cherries, and add alternately with the milk, beating well after each addition. Bake in a 9x13 inch pan for about 45 minutes in a 350 degrees F oven. By Robin from Washington, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired,"did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the womans face, "Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, boasting. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you, and taking pictures for his web site!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From today in 2006 (some of the characters in this have since died) Thanks to Paul for the minutes of the Democratic National Convention 7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. 7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding -- Barney Frank Presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan -- Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender--Jacques Chirac 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay. Sean Penn 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet 11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals--John Kerry 11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton 12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home

» Orca Pods

Today, Oct 30, in
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established 
 by Simon Bolivar.
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton 
 County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave 
 uprising in American history.
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS 
 radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization 
 was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused 
 panic among listeners.
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe 
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel 
 Peace Prize.
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a 
 force of approximately 58 megatons.
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation 
 to increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion.
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as 
 dictator Francisco Franco was near death.
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline 
 "Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day 
 after U.S. President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto 
 any proposed federal bailout of New York City.
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped 
 pro-Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death 
 was blamed on four security officers.
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 %
 of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space, 
 performed the world's first animal dissections in space, 
 while aboard the space shuttle Columbia.
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian 
 President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's 
 military still in control.
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in 
 a referendum concerning secession from the federation 
 of Canada.
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane 
 and the 39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist 
 squads raided the plane.
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw 
 out the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between 
 the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks.
2013  smiled

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Fake Open Office 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 29.
I had to drive to High River to see my heart doctor today.
After having lived in the Yukon for 30 years, a bit of snow
on the road was no problem, but it sure seems to have been
for some people, especially in the area, where it was foggy.

In the afternoon it cleared up. The large hoar frost crystals
on the snow looked magnificent in the afternoon sun. Sure  was
cold, though, walking against the wind. It was about -16 and the 
wind was 30 - 40, and carrying frost crystals, that it tore off
trees and bushes. I sure was glad to get to a warm home at 
the end of my one hour walk.

While walking I wondered if there is a light bicycler or 
jogger version of a full-face motorcycle helmet. 

Have FUN!

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Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) Conceit is God's gift to little men. --- Bruce Barton Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. --- Henry David Thoreau
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So, are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough so that his father can play it, too."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Damon Michael Miljour, 36, Fort Myers, Floriduh Traded His Harley For A Jail Cell And A Realistic New Halloween Mask Reported by The Weekly Vice Damon Michael Miljour, a 36-year-old Florida man, was jailed Thursday after he allegedly stole several items from a surf shop before polishing the pavement with his face while fleeing the scene. According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the area of Bonita Beach road Thursday after witnesses called to report a motorcycle crash. When deputies arrived on the scene, they found a black Harley Davidson motorcycle lying on the road with an obviously injured Miljour nearby. Investigators say Miljour was rushed to Lee Memorial Hospital where he was treated for his injuries. Deputies also noticed something suspicious while processing the scene. Several retail items which appeared brand new with the store's retail tag still intact. Among the items, deputies found sunglasses, wrist watches and high end shoes. Deputies checked out the store, Mango Bay, and discovered that a side window to the shop had been smashed out. Inside the store, several merchandise items were scattered as if someone had rummaged through the merchandise looking for items of value to steal. Deputies contacted a store manager who confirmed that the items belonged to his shop and had not been purchased. The total value of the stolen items was estimated at $10,000. Detectives then visited Miljour in the hospital, who claimed he didn't remember anything before waking up in the hospital. Miljour was booked into jail and charged with burglary, grand theft, and since he couldn't remember anything, he obviously was DUI. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Fake Open Office Dear Webby, I noticed that the writer mentioned installing Open Office and then found their computer was infected. I went to a site that offered Open Office some months ago. It looked like an official site, but the download attempted to install a lot of unwanted stuff. (my antivirus program and superantispyware went crazy trying to stop the infections) I ended up having to do a system restore to a couple of days earlier to solve the issue. Only go to Apache Open Office at to get this program. Never install from a cd purchased from ebay as many of them as well as alternative sites are filled with malware. Neil Dear Neil I agree 100%. For Open Office go straight to and nowhere else, no wmatter whether some site promises to be a faster and nearer mirror. If you use Libre Office, the real home is at For Spybot-Search&Destroy, their home is still at Re that Snap-do virus, do NOT go to SpyHunter or, even though the bozos at have it top listed. Obviously, they don't have a clucking fue. That SpyHunter is probably the worst piece of monkey-crap I have come across in a very long time. If you tried even a bit of it, you need to do a sytem-restore. Or try to. To get rid of Snap-do or, the best answer is at Even though the Engrisch there is not ready for opera, the technical advice is excellent. By the way, where he mentions for Home site, take that as a quick example. It you have your local TV station or the Humor Letter as your normal HOME site, put that URL in there. He used just as a quick example, to avoid having to type this much. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Freshening Sour Laundry When a load of wet laundry got left in the dryer for a week the smell was horrendous. I soaked the whole load in the washer overnight with a cup of vinegar in the water, then drained it and rewashed with laundry soap. As good as new! By Linda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An American couple was driving in Canada and got lost. Finally, they drove into a city. They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so the husband pulled the car up to the curb. His wife rolled down her window and asked, "Excuse me, sir, we're lost. Can you please tell us where we are?" The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan." The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said, "We really are lost. They don't even speak English here."

» The Kungur Ice Caves:

Today, Oct 29, in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that 
 had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy 
 against King James I.
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be 
 an independent commonwealth.
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was 
 the founder of Pennsylvania.
1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded.
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, 
 was electrocuted.
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution 
 of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, 
 later known as Kemal Ataturk.
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the 
 Wall Street stock market.
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. in
 anticipation of WWII.
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went 
 on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price 
 of $12.50 each.
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez 
 Canal Crisis.
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use 
 close-circuit television.
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional 
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to 
 all school segregation.
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. 
 He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting 
 him over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season.
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding 
 discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex 
 or marital status
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's 
 regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages 
 during its occupation of Kuwait.
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit 
 an asteroid (Gaspra).
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to 
 pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President 
 Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power.
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the 
 Food and Drug Administration.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn 
 on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first 
 American to orbit the Earth.
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for 
 $2 million at a New York auction.
2013  smiled

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How to get rid of Snap-Do infection 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 28.

It's still snowing, horizontally, and the bathroom window 
on the North is covered solidly. On the South side there are
adventurous looking snow drifts. No Gullible Warming in 

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. --- Daniel Webster (1782 - 1852) Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives. --- Cookie When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking... I Gave Up Reading --- Cookie
Their were three men in the hospital waiting room anxiously expecting news any minute about the births of their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says I have great news. Your wife has just given birth to twins. The man exclaimed. " Well, that all right. I work for Double Day." The nurse goes to the second man and says, "I have great news for you too. Your wife just gave birth to triplets." The man says, with great surprise,"Well that's all right. I work for Triple A." The nurse goes up to the third man. But before she could say anything, he shouted, "I work for Seven-Up! Worked! I am outa here and off to Mexico!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch everynight and ate their fill. After some thought he posted a sign that read "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH LAXATIVE!" The next night he smiled smugley as he watched the kids run off without eating any of his melons. A week later he was surveying his field and to his satisfaction,no melons were missing but a sign next to his read,"NOW THERE ARE TWO."
Click on the picture for the large version Sorrento, Italy
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jerrika Carey, 34, Louisville, KY Jailed longer After Officer Finds Pack Of Smokes And Lighter Hidden Inside Vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Jerrika Carey, a 34-year-old Kentucky woman, has been jailed after she allegedly packed cigarettes and a lighter into her vagina and attempted to sneak them into jail. According to police, Carey was being processed into jail last week when the jail's body image scanner alerted to a foreign object hidden inside her genital area. When officers asked Carey about the object, she told them she had a lighter hidden inside her vagina and then reached into her pants to remove it. Carey was then whisked away to a strip search room where a female officer removed a crack pipe from her clothing. Officers then retrieved the lighter and a pack of cigarettes from her vagina. Carey was charged additionally with promoting contraband, possession of drug paraphernalia and tampering with physical evidence. Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: infection Dear Webby, I now have a brand new computer, very sadly it’s windows 8, starting to come to terms with it (well sort of) and downloaded a couple of ’things’. I got my new precious computer from a big name store in Australia, it’s a HP and as I said windows 8. Along with one of these downloaded ‘things’ came something nasty, squidoo’ and ‘snap do’. The only things I have downloaded are Belark Advisor, Open Office and ccleaner, there is no other way these programs or whatever they are called could have gotten on my computer, they appeared the day I downloaded Open Office. I’m still having a hard time working out this windows 8 {only had it less than a week} but I know I have to get rid of these nasties, I’ve had Belark Advisor and ccleaner (paid version) for ages on your advice (still don’t know how to get paid version back) so think it must have come with Open Office, I looked on internet and saw that there are lots of ‘get rid of snap do’ can you have a look and let me know which if any are safe and if I was to get rid of open office would the nasties go too (I don’t think so). Thanks in advance if you can help, Trish Dear Trish Squidoo is legitimate. It may not be necessary for you, if you don't want to put web sites together, but it doesn't cause any problems. If you don't need it, don't use it. It's as simple as that. Most likely it was pre-installed by HollowPeckers. If Squidoo put a toolbar on top of FireFox, just unclick it. Snap-Do is a malicious virus, that hijacks your browser. That one was probably put on by somebody at the computer dealer messing around with demo machines. I doubt that HolowPeckers put that one on. It is also distributed by email. If you don't have McAfee or some similar protction, it can slither into your computer quite easily. Snap-do or is really nasty. It hijacks and redirects your browser, and sends your browsing log to marketers. Whoever put it onto your machine, gets paid a kickback for it. To remove it: Add/Remove Programs list in Control Panel (Start -> Control Panel -> Add/Remove Programs). In the list search for apps related to and then choose ‘Uninstall’. Also remove from your browsers: Internet Explorer: Tools -> Internet options -> General tab. Enter your desired website to make it the default homepage. Google Chrome: Settings -> Appearance. Enter your desired website to make it the default homepage. Mozilla Firefox: Options -> General tab -> Startup. Enter your desired website to make it the default homepage. Delete any folder related to “” from the following folders: ProgramFiles AppData ProgramData LocalAppData Stay away from and SpyHunter. That is phony Bait & Switch stuff and might be even worse. SpyBotSearch&Destroy from my Toolbox at will probably get rid of snap-do as well, but since my machine is not infected, there is no way to try that and be sure. It is a good guess, though. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Make Circle Template Being an avid crafter, I often make projects that require a circle cut from something. I would search through the house, finding an item that was the correct size circle, such as a can of soup. I finally took a few moments one day and armed with scraps of cardboard I had saved from empty cereal boxes and such, (one never knows when one needs a piece of cardboard!), I roamed through my rooms tracing different size circles onto the cardboard. I then measured each and wrote the size inside the circle. I cut them all out and keep them as templates. Now when I need a circle of any size, it's right there within reach. Works great! By maryeruth from Palm Coast, FL You can get a 12" machinist's divider at industrial supply stores and most of the better hardware stores. They are just large compasses with one end pointy and the other end a sharp little blade. You use the pointy end in the center, and the knife end for the outside of the circle. At one time the "firm joint" type was cheaper, but nowadays the spring loaded screw adjust types are cheaper. Either one works fine. You can, of course, tape a pen or sharpie or pencil to the outside end and draw the circumference, instead of "scribing" it. They are made for machinists to cribe (scratch) lines and circles for their lay-out, but work fine for any project. The flat scribing knife is hard enough to scribe a clean and easily visible line on most metals, plastic leather and wood. For fabric and foam tape a pencil or sharpie to the scribing end. A divider also comes in handy for dividing linear measurements and scratch off whatever lengths you set it. You will be surprised how handy it is, and how much fun real precision is. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole during a lightning storm."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it sure is cozy in there with the TV repairman!"

» Royal Tyrrell Museum

Today, Oct 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the 
 American Revolutionary War.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin.
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor 
 by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons 
 and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty 
 Enlightening the World."
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to 
 use fingerprinting.
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known 
 as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed 
 in 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the 
 U.S. Constitution.
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government 
 and introduced fascism to Italy.
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece.
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that 
 he had ordered dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of 
 collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, 
 was completed.
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President 
 Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, 
 to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related 
1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution 
 "deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada.
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, 
 pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces 
 the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume 
 distribution of the drug after the government of France 
 demanded it do so.
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called 
 for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military 
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that 
 all the troops there would be home by Christmas.
2013  smiled

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Is mailwasher any good? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 27.

Have FUN!

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Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. --- George Bernard Shaw The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. -- Quentin Crisp
Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is a Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians yet you gave him money?" And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they are little."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot."
Click on the picture for the large version Wouldn't you just love to work there?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dawn Weiser, 44, Springdale, AR Jailed After repeatedly stabbing husband for snoring, wheile he slept Reported by The Weekly Vice Dawn Weiser, a 44-year-old Arkansas woman, has been jailed after she stabbed her husband repeatedly because he was snoring. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's home after 43-year-old Doug Weiser awoke around 3:30 a.m. to find his wife repeatedly stabbing him with a butcher's knife. Investigators say the victim wrestled the knife away from his wife before the couple's two teenage sons came to his aid. The victim told detectives that he and his wife had argued that evening about his snoring, prompting her to sleep in a bedroom with one of their sons while he slept alone in the couple's bedroom. Dawn Weiser told detectives that she awoke to a loud noise during the night and walked in to find her husband with stab wounds. She went on to insist that an intruder was responsible for the stabbing, despite the evidence against her. Investigators say Dawn later confessed to stabbing her husband and then hiding the knife. The issue of snoring had apparently annoyed Dawn to a point where she began mentioning it on various social media sites like Twitter. Dawn Weiser was booked into the Washington County Detention Center and charged with suspicion of attempted murder. She was released after posting $25,000 bond. The victim was taken to a local hospital where he was treated for a punctured spleen, a lacerated liver and three stab wounds. He filed for divorce a few days later, according to court records. Tech Support Pits From: Bobbie Re: Is the mailwasher any good? Dear Webby, Dear Webby, you have been advertising MailWasher for a few years now. Do you use it yourself, and is it any good? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Yes, of course I use it. I don't advertise it because I get about the price of a coffee every time somebody buys it after clicking on the link. I recommend it because it drastically reduces help requests related to junkmail. These days I get around 4800 pieces of mail per day. MailWasher reduces that to the 120, that I need to see and answer. I have been using the same addresses for almost 20 years and by now every spammer has them on their lists. Without MailWasher I would have to change addresses once a year, and use those wimpy Captchas, forcing you to punch in hard to read characters, just like companies, whose admins are not smart enough to get MailWasher. Mailwasher deletes the spam right on the server, unseen, in the dark. I just see the cleaned mails. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Cover Garden At Night To Protect Against Early Frost When it's time for frost to hit and we still have veggies that are still producing, we drape sheets or blankets over the veggies before dark. Then when we get up in the morning before the sun is fully out, we take the sheets or blankets off, so as to not bruise the veggies or give them black spot, especially on the tomatoes. By Betsy from Hoagland, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jake bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. His friend Abe said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," Jake replied. "But where in the heck was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

» It's Harvest Time

Today, Oct 27, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the 
 first Quakers to be executed in America.
1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of 
 San Lorenzo.
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in 
 New York City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, 
 the other seven failed.
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
 of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George 
 "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence 
 to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted.
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was 
 the first rapid-transit subway system in America.
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in 
 New York.
1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 
 26' 2 1/4".
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its 
 new synthetic yarn.
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They 
 had been married on January 14, 1954.
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by 
 calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in 
 Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect 
 of the agreement.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. 
 prison population had exceeded one million for the first 
 time in American history.
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of 
 Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected 
 leftist leader.
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy 
 FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second 
 largest banking company in the U.S.
2013  smiled

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What happened to Playa Cofi ? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 26.
Looks like the snow is not going to wait until Sunday.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." --- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." --- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." --- A congressional candidate in Texas "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --- Bill Clinton, US President "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --- Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 19 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather
An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his cow pasture. The Amish man said, "No, no you can not." "Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker. As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bulls into the pasture. As the 1200 pound bulls rumbled toward the workers in the field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show them your paper!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
You may have seen that famous picture of a little bird riding on an eagle. This is probably the first time you see what that is all about. Thanks to Jon Winslow for the great pictures! Click on the picture for the large version Here you see a furious Kingbird chasing an eagle, who had picked up a dead fish, possibly one landed by the Kingbirds. Click on the picture for the large version Here the Kingbird has landed and started his woodpeckering on the eagle. Click on the picture for the large version Here the Kingbird is woodpeckering right on the skull of the eagle. Click on the picture for the large version Same as picture #3, just zoomed closer. The eagle gave up the fish half a mile from the Kingbird's nest.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Singletary,33,Spartanburg, SC Jailed After Assaulting Ex Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Singletary, a 33-year-old South Carolina woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly beat her ex-boyfriend in the face and then crushed his testicles because he wouldn't let her come inside his home. According to the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the home of Sonny Dolquist in response to a reported domestic disturbance that was occurring at the residence. When officers arrived on the scene, they were met out in the front yard by Singletary who appeared "extremely intoxicated." Singletary reportedly told the officer that she had been "hit" but she couldn't identify where she had been hit. The officer also checked her for injuries, but couldn't find any. The officer then went inside the residence to find Dolquist bleeding from the mouth. Dolquist told the officer that he and Singletary had lived together for two years until she recently moved out. He added that Singletary agreed to meet him at the house to pick up the last of her things at about 4 p.m., but didn't show up until about 8 p.m.. Dolquist told the officer that he had placed Singletary's items on the front porch, however, she demanded to come inside the residence. When Dolquist refused Singletary's demand, she reportedly pushed her way inside and began throwing things. That's when Singletary allegedly punched the victim several times in the mouth before squeezing his testicles "until they bled." A third party witness inside the residence told the officer that he saw Singletary assault the victim. A male companion who had arrived at the home with Singletary told officers that he saw Dolquist pick Singletary up and attempt to throw her out onto the porch. Officers checked Singletary again and still found no sign of injury on her. Singletary was booked into jail and charged with domestic violence. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Dear Webby, Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Randall Dear Randall Just like me, they depend on donations to pay he server costs. Apparently they did not get enough to pay the cost. Most of their files are at The organization is different and may take a bit of getting used to, but the music is there, Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Have an Organized Priced Sale Make sure everything is organized and has a price tag on it. Before opening your sale, be sure everything is put out to be sold. As customers move through and buy, straighten things back up, and keep everything neat. Please, no boxes full of clothes that are hanging over the sides. Hang clothes on hangers and price. Be courteous, friendly, and helpful when questions are asked about a particular item. Have fun, and be ready to negotiate prices when appropriate. By redderbell from Bernice, LA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure a lot friendlier than mine!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. " The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!"

» 15 Great Critters:

Today, Oct 26, in
1825 The Erie Canal was opened. The 363-mile canal connected
 Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of $7,602,000.
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine.
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone, 
 AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and 
 Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden.
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of 
 Santa Cruz during World War II.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. 
 The battle was won by American forces and brought the 
 end of the Pacific phase of World War II into sight.
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage 
 from 40 to 75 cents an hour.
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
 from New York City to Paris.
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile 
 Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the 
 U.S. agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter 
 missiles in Turkey.
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 
 26 years on the Peacock Throne.
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared, 
 "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam.
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to 
 death by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central 
 Intelligence Agency.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, 
 announced it was halting the worldwide distribution of 
 RU-486. The pill is used to induce abortions. The 
 French government made the company reverse itself 
 two days later.
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American 
 icebreakers. The whales had been trapped for nearly 
 3 weeks in an Arctic ice pack.
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to 
 reach 2,000 points.
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts 
 of defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S.
 Congress. Dean was a central figure in the HUD scandal.
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime 
 Minister Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a 
 peace treaty.
1995 Alec Baldwin got into a fight with a paparazzi 
 in front of his home when he and his wife Kim Bassinger 
 were bringing their first baby home from the hospital.
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi 
 missile warhead.
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin 
 won a defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. 
 The contract, for the "joint strike fighter," was the 
 largest defense contract in history.
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where 
 separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 
 116 hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the 
 gas or gunshot wounds.
2013  smiled

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Why use spreadsheets to create web pages? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 25.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

On tonight's walk Copper got very exited when we walked 
past the hospital. The Oilfields Hospital is in the middle 
of about 40 acres of lawns and the occasional bunch of 
trees. It looks nice, but you never see any patients out
there. When I looked closer at what Copper was straining 
so mightily to go chase, there were about a dozen deer,
including 3 or 4 very young ones, that were just barely 
walking, not yet bouncing like they do after a month.

They were white-tail deer, but of the dark greyish brown 
type. They look just as good as the light brown type, but
don't show well on photos. Copper sure wanted to go chase 
them or play with them, and run after them for 20 miles.
Not today. He was quite disappointed, that I was not 
interested in a quick 20 miles there and 20 miles back run.

No snow forecast until Sunday, but frost every night.

Have FUN!

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Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all, hawk, lion, and stinker.
Click on the picture for the large version Cheyava-Falls-upper-cascade-Grand-Canyon
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sasha Hunt, 22, Berne, Indiana Jailed After Taping Infant's Mouth Shut With Duct Tape, Leaving Gagged Child In Closet To Die Reported by The Weekly Vice Sasha Hunt, a 22-year-old Indiana woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly stuffed a sock into her infant son's mouth and left him alone in a closet to die. According to police, Hunt placed a sock into her 3-month-old son's mouth, wrapped his head with duct tape to keep the sock in place and then wrapped the child's arms so he couldn't remove the tape from his mouth. She then wrapped the infant in a blanket, placed him face-down on a pillow and then locked him in a closet to die. Investigators say Sasha Hunt's husband left the residence for about 15 minutes at about 12:45 a.m.. When the husband returned, he asked Sasha if she was ready for bed. She answered "yes." The husband, Nathan Hunt, went downstairs to shut off the television when he heard a muffled cry coming from upstairs. Fearing that his baby son had rolled over onto his face, Nathan ran upstairs to check on the baby. Sasha Hunt reportedly followed her husband into the child's room, begging him to stop. But when Nathan found that the baby's crib was empty, he began checking around the room until he found the gagged infant inside the closet. After removing the tape and gag, Nathan Hunt gave his wife a choice. Either she could turn herself in and check into a mental health facility, or he would call police and turn her in. Nathan Hunt told investigators that prior to the incident, Sasha had kicked holes in walls, attacked him physically and frequently handled their child in a rough manner. The child was also found with bruises recently, which Sasha blamed on the couple's 1-year-old daughter. On another occasion, Sasha reportedly told her husband that she wished the baby had never been born and hoped that he would die. Sasha Hunt was booked into jail and charged with attempted murder and neglect of a dependent. Tech Support Pits From: Anita Re: Why use a Spreadsheet for a web page Dear Webby, You have mentioned spreadsheets before, but I can't see how or why they would be useful on a web page. Please enlighten me there! Thanks Anita Dear Anita Whenever you have a table, for example a schedule of events, that has a column for dates, one for times, one for theme, and one for cost, it is extremely easy to do that in a spreadsheet. And fast! I use that method even to generate huge templates for albums like Dianne's Afghans and Cat Mats. Whenever you have anything, that is repetitious, like the rows in a table, then you can do it faster in a spreadsheet. You can even use formulas to fill fields with data from another layer of the spreadsheet. Then you are really cooking! Then save it as an HTML file, copy that and paste it into the destination file. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Steel Wool For Cleaning Coffee Pot To clean inside of stainless steel coffee pot, take a hand held kitchen wand. Place a steel wool pad of your choice over the scrubbing pad attached to the wand. This can be held in place by wrapping rubber bands around it. Use this to scrub around the inside of the pot. Rinse very well before then cleaning your complete coffee system with white vinegar and water. By Babwaray If you can't getyour steel wool padded wand into the thermos or pot, you can use my trick. Rinse it to makeit good and wet, pour a spoon full of Comet into it and shake well to distribute it evenly and cover every spot. Let it sit for a minute or two, then add a cup of water and shake again. Now you can use a regular skinny brush or foam wand or bottle brush, scrub it a bit, and rinse. Even an old and stubborn coffee patina will be gone, no matter whether the inside is glass or steel. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made a series of weird noises: "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-." and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight." Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?" The chief made the same noises: "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z." and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building." "Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter. The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z, from the short-wave radio."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." --- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign That reminds me, I quit smoking 2 1/2 years ago, and am glad I did.

» Stats

Today, Oct 25, in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt 
 over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000 
 Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by 
 the English.
1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States 
 captured the British vessel Macedonian.
1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the 
 Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of 
 Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order 
 to attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley 
 and suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed 
 that the order was the result of confusion and was not 
 given intentionally.
1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was 
 the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City.
1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin 
 seized power in Russia.
1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet, 
 was found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to 
 a year in prison and fined $100,000.
1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first time.
1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by 
 The Tappan Company.
1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had 
 been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's 
 pro-Western government.
1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was 
1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic 
 evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos 
 were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and 
 admit mainland China.
1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations 
 invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection 
 to U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's 
 Communist (pro-Cuban) government.
1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney 
 that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops 
 to Saudi Arabia.
2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a 
 family of four separately traded companies (consumer, 
 business, broadband and wireless).
2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the 
 remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million 
 years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew 
 as long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight metric 
2013  smiled

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Spreadsheet to web page 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 24
Walking tonight was cold around the ears. East Wind from
across the prairies. The wind had the rich fragrance of
drying grain, and the moisture it had picked up from a few
thousand miles of grain fields. 65% Humidity! No wonder the
2 degrees below freezing felt cold!

Thursday afternoon it is supposed to warm up, briefly, 
and cool off by the time Copper and I go for our walk.
I will be wearing my hooded winter jacket.

No snow forecast until Sunday.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. --- Rita Rudner When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. --- Sir Winston Churchill
An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation. "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes violin solo!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ ea. or three for a dollar." All day long, customers came in exclaiming "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!" Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?" "What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."
Click on the picture for the large version 100 Miles per Gallon? No Problem.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katrina Kane, 28, Washington Hollow, NY Jailed After Driving Drunk Across State Police Front Lawn Reported by The Weekly Vice Katrina Kane, a 28-year-old New York woman, was jailed early Thursday morning after she allegedly drove drunk across the front lawn of a local State Police headquarters building. According to police, officers were dispatched after receiving a 911 call report of an erratic driver. State Troopers soon located the vehicle and followed it for observation. Investigators say the vehicle left the roadway and proceeded across the front lawn of Troop K headquarters located on Route 44 and Route 82. The vehicle allegedly became stuck or otherwise stopped in front of the building. Kane, the driver, was administered a field sobriety test and deemed intoxicated. She was booked into the Dutchess County Jail and charged with felony DUI. She was charged with a felony because of her previous DWI conviction. Her bail has been set at $15,000. Tech Support Pits From: Ormond Re: Spreadsheet to web page Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to transfer part of a spreadsheet to a web page? Thanks Ormond Dear Ormond Copy the parts, that you want to transfer, into a new spreadsheet, and save that one as an HTML web page. Open that file, and copy the entire table that is in it, and paste it into the page where you want it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Save Countertops with Plastic Lids I overheard my husband telling his sister about something I have been doing for a long time. I figured if it impressed him, I should share it. When I open a new can of coffee, I take the plastic top from the old can and put it on the bottom of the new can. The plastic will help to protect your countertops. By Marty Dick I also keep a coffee can lid beside the stove for times, when I don't want to use a water filled Pyrex 1 Liter measuring cup to put wooden spoons or ladles into. For just one wooden spoon or flipper it's not worth filling the measuring cup, so I lay the tool onto a coffee can lid. Those plastic can lids rinse easyly and quickly, and since there are always more, it's no big deal to discard a messy one. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper. Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts, "Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!" The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says, "James, please. I have already told you. If you do have something important to tell me, first knock on the door, then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and civilized manner. Now please, do so." James apologizes and closes the door behind him. Three seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door. "Yes?" James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture, makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter, then says, "Sir, the Thames."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped clean the house and set the table when company was due for dinner. Everything was ready when the guests arrived, and they were seated at the table. Susan's mother noticed something was missing and said, "Susan, why didn't you put a knife and fork at Mr. Thompson's place." Little Susan explained frankly, "I thought he wouldn't need them, because Daddy says he always eats like a horse."

» Black Holes and More

Today, Oct 24, in
1537 Jane Seymour, the third wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
 died after giving birth to Prince Edward. Prince Edward 
 became King Edward VI.
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the 
 Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty 
 Years War.
1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria, 
 Prussia, and Russia.
1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous 
 friction safety match.
1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent 
 when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a 
 telegram to U.S. President Lincoln.
1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor, 63, became the first person
 to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel.
1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million 
 shares on the stock market. The day is known as 
 "Black Thursday."
1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened 
 for traffic between New York and New Jersey.
1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first 
 time in Wilmington, DE.
1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect 
 under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938.
1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less 
 than a month after the end of World War II. 
1945 Pierre Laval of France and Vidkum Abraham Quisling 
 of Norway were executed. The two men were recognized as 
 the two most prominent collaborators of the Nazis.
1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It 
 was in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War 
 Investigating Committee.
1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was 
 nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and 
 foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6/1960.
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces 
 went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation 
 for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The U.S. 
 blockade of Cuba officially began on this day.
1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 
 69-carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. 
1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian 
 was convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the 
 trial led to the belief that Syria was involved in the 
 attack on the Israeli jetliner.
1989 Reverend Jim Bakker was sentenced to 45 years in prison 
 and fined $500,000 for his conviction on 24 counts of fraud. 
 In 1991, his sentence was reduced to eighteen years and he 
 was released on parole after a total five years in prison.
1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to
 win the World Series.
1997 In Arlington, VA, former NBC sportscaster Marv Albert 
 was spared a jail sentence after a courtroom apology to 
 the woman he'd bitten during a sexual encounter.
1999 An Israeli court sentenced American teen-ager Samuel 
 Sheinbein to 24 years in prison. The crime was killing an 
 acquaintance in Maryland in 1997.
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation 
 that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap 
 all of a person's telephone conversation and track people's 
 use of the Internet.
2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered 
 orbit around Mars.
2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde 
 flight landed.
2013  smiled

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Sending SMS messages from a computer 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 23

Have FUN!

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In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. --- Dereke Bruce If you have weird vegetarian friends it is best not to invite them to a barbecue. --- Scott Adam
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't talk to me in over six mont." Ole sips his beer and says, "Ve can trade. Mine has not shut up for six mont."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal."
This was yesterday's sunset. I didn't want to wait with Betty's morning picture any longer, so my pictures are here now. Click on the picture for the large version I noticed a pulsing blast. Interesting is that it is further back than the old microwave tower, but closer than the cell tower on the next ridge. Also notice the thin targeting beam versus the big fat blast. Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version Is that a blast from or at a UFO? You tell me!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Laurens Crane, Lawrenceville, GA Sentenced To Life In Prison After Recording System Designed To Catch Wife Cheating Provides Evidence In Child Molestation Case Reported by The Weekly Vice Andre Laurens Crane, a Gwinnett County Georgia man, was sentenced to jail Thursday after he was caught molesting his step daughter by the very same audio recording system he intended to use to catch his wife cheating. According to police, Crane was arrested last October when an audio recording system he set up to catch his wife cheating proved to be his own undoing. Investigators say Crane barricaded himself inside his home and attempted to commit suicide after the audio system was discovered and listened to. The audio system reportedly contained evidence that Crane had been molesting his 15-year-old step daughter. The investigation later revealed that Crane had been molesting his step daughter since she was 11 years old. Crane was booked into jail and charged with six counts of child molestation/ aggravated sexual battery. During Crane's trial in Gwinnett County, jurors needed only an hour to find him guilty on all six counts. He was sentenced to life in prison plus 10 years. Crane now faces additional charges of child molestation and aggravated sexual battery in Hall County. Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: emailing to phones Dear Webby, another question. i stumbled onto a program that allows a person to send an email from your desk top to a cell phone equipped with a screen.naturally i forgot where i found it, but i do know it works because i emailed my sister-in-law. would you happen to know the program name? thanks, dan Dear Dan The easiest way to do that is to use Skype. Add the recipient's cell phone number in the MOBILE slot. Then open a chat message to thet person. Look for the tiny switch in the left bottom corner and switch from Skype to SMS Mobile Now, when you type a message and hit Enter, it will show up as a text message on their mobile phone. If you don't have Skype, you can use TeleFlip You need the cell phone number of the recipient, for example 123 456 7890 Then enter into the TO line. Type up to 160 characters and hit SEND. If you have a big, beautiful signature box, disable that for sending SMS messages to cell phones. The message will usually get cut off at 160 characters anyway, but that can make it look silly. Instead of teleflip you can try the name of the carrier. TRY! Not all of them work that way all of the time. Bell, for example usually doesn't. Alltel: Nextel: Sprint: SunCom: T-mobile: VoiceStream: Verizon: (text only) or (photos and video) You can get the address of a phone from the SMS gateway at However, test it out, don't just put it into your address book. For example, for Barb, my neighbor, on Bell, the SMSgateway gives 4035541**** Mails sent to that don't arrive at her phone. Flipping that little switch at the left bottom of the Skype message window does work just fine to send SMS messages to her. Keep in mind though, to turn that back to Skype or you will get yelled at for being a nuisance, if you are sending SMS messages, when you could send regular Skype messages, after the recipient is at her or his home machine again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Homemade Laundry Detergent Making your own powdered detergent is a lot easier, less mess, and doesn't take up all the space. Here is the recipe I found online and now use. Ingredients: 1 bar Ivory soap (or 2/3 bar Fels Naptha) 1/2 cup borax 1/2 cup washing soda (found in the laundry aisle) Directions Grate 1 bar of Ivory soap (or other not strongly scented bar soap). Add 1/2 cup of borax. Add 1/2 cup washing soda. Mix together and store in air tight container. Use 1-2 tablespoons per load. This recipe is for a low-sudsing detergent and works especially well in high efficiency washing machines. Source: By Alice from Poteau, OK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher. The father liked to inspect every new thing that came into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the display count down all forty-four minutes of the dishwashing cycle. Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!" The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be broken after only one use, but he insisted that because they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless. She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser: USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel on our honeymoon."

» Black Holes and More

Today, Oct 23, in
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces defeated the 
 Confederate forces in Missouri
1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make 
 a public solo airplane flight in the United States.
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote 
 with a march in New York City, NY.
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 
 starting the stock-market crash that began the 
 Great Depression.
1942 During World War II, the British began a major 
 offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began.
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet 
 occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter 
 Hungary and eventually suppress the uprising.
1956 NBC broadcasted the first videotape recording. The 
 tape of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in U.S.
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded 
 the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse 
 the honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won 
 the award for writing "Dr. Zhivago".
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
 overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon."
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and 
 seat Communist China.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over 
 the subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair.
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of 
 hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications.
1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin 
 was announced.
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 
 33 years of Soviet rule.
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese 
 emperor to stand on Chinese soil.
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II.
2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) 
 and Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and 
 exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program 
 with Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to 
 exclusive "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise 
 starting in fall 2001. The film was scheduled for 
 re-release in the spring of 2002. 
2013  smiled

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