Dear Webby Humor Letter Blog - Keyboard in the dishwasher

Keyboard in the dishwasher

Monday, November 17, 2014, 12:43 PM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Nonday, November 17


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Robber pretends to be 
witness after pizza heist
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own 
children have teenagers of their own.
--- Doug Larson   

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.
--- Senator Patrick Leahy

______________________________________________________

Elementary Science
Some of these are too good to ignore.

*Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. 
But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

*We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. 
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget 
to put the top on.

*Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. 
And around. There is not much else to do up there.

*Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big 
enough to be called a drop, it does.

*Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

*In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

*A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

*A monsoon is a French gentleman.

*Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

*It is so hot in some places that the people there have 
to live in other places.

*The wind is like the air, only pushier.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
The woman applying for the job in a Florida lemon grove
seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look miss," said the foreman. "Do you have any experience
in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.
"I've been divorced three times."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Vicky for this story:
A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner
on his first day of kindergarten.

"Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself
and think about your Mother, tataleh!"

"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"

At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs
to her son on and hugs him.

"So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day
of school?"

The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
 
Rosy Maple Moth

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Joseph Wantz
26
West Boca, 
Floriduh
Robber pretends to be 
witness after pizza heist

Pizza delivery man robbed at gunpoint in West Boca
West Boca man accused of robbing a pizza delivery man tried 
to come forward as a witness and accused his cousin of being 
the robber, according to a Palm Beach County sheriff's 
arrest report.

Joseph Wantz, 26, faces charges of robbery and aggravated 
assault with a firearm after the robbery on Tuesday.

The Pizza Hut delivery man of two years said he went to a 
home in the 11000 block of Watergate Circle on 10:30 p.m. 
after getting an order for $107 worth of pizza, bread 
sticks and soda.

The caller said the food was for a party and then another 
phone call from another number had a woman asking the 
driver to bring cash for change, according to the report.

But when the driver got there, he told a deputy he grew 
suspicious when he saw no cluster of cars for a party. 
That's when Wantz put a gun to the delivery man's head 
and demanded all the money and food before walking away, 
according to the report.

A deputy said he learned two people had stepped forward as 
witnesses. One of them was Wantz, who told the deputies he 
saw the robbery and that his cousin did it, according to 
the report.

As deputies, they got a call on Wednesday about a disturbance 
between Wantz and another man at a residence. Inside the 
home, deputies said they saw two empty pizza boxes in the 
trash.

After the delivery man identified Wantz in a photo lineup as 
the robber, investigators questioned a friend of Wantz's. 
She said Wantz came up to her at about 1 a.m. Wednesday 
and showed her a gun and told her he did a "lick," or 
robbery.

Deputies said the gun later was found to be a BB gun.
When deputies questioned Wantz, he implicated his cousin 
in the robbery, the report said. He said his cousin 
looked similar to him. He went on to say he wasn't 
"the only one going down for this," according to the 
report.

Wantz was booked into Palm Beach County Jail, where he 
is held without bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Vince
Re: Keyboard in the dishwasher

Dear Webby!
My wife put my fashionably dirty keyboard into the dishwasher.
It looks great now, but is it safe to plug in again?
Vince


Dear Vince
Most modern keyboards can handle that without any problem.
Take the screws off the back and take the back off, and
let it dry half a day face-up and half a day face-down.
After that, attach the back cover again and try it. 
Most likely it will work just fine.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










"HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left.
Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"   


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Problems with Fabric Dryer Sheets
I bought a new dryer and continued using those fabric 
dryer sheets. This dryer would kick off with the clothes 
not dry. I was thinking the timer was bad so called out a 
repairman. He changed the sensor in the dryer and told us 
those "dryer sheets" had coated it, causing a false signal 
that turned off the dryer. He told us to stop using them. 
Now we only use liquid with our wash and no more trouble.
By Kenneth B. [1]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits
for the bartender to see him.  The man next to him calls
for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo."

The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the
newcomer what he would like to drink.  Wanting to try this
new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too."

The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink.  The man takes
a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good.
It tastes just like water!"

The man next to him looks at the bartender and says,
"Well, it is water . . . right Lou?

______________________________________________________

Lisa and Linda are walking down the street. Lisa finds a
little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen
this face before!"

"Give it to me", says Linda. She looks in the mirror and
says, "Of course you have, silly! It's me!"






Whitewater Adrenaline Rush: Extreme Kayaking




Today in 
1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death 
 of Queen Mary Tudor. 
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide 
 while in jail awaiting execution. 
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean 
 and the Red seas. 
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups 
 Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel 
 through the Panama Canal. 
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from 
 dancing the tango. 
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32. 
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled 
 vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released 
 by Luna 17. 
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female 
 and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy 
 in Tehran. 
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic 
 country. She was elected in the first democratic elections 
 in Pakistan in 11 years. 
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River 
 Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of 
 World War II prisoners of war. 
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the 
 Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were 
 killed by police. 
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the 
 first time humans had trapped antimatter. 
2014  smiled.

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( 2.9 / 493 )

How difficult is Open Office?

Sunday, November 16, 2014, 09:59 AM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 16


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee man for being the world's
worst deadbeat dad with 26 kids.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









The average person's idea of a good sermon
is one that goes over his head
and hits a neighbor.
--- Socratex

______________________________________________________

A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and
asked her name.

"I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both
of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing."

"Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked.

"My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand."
the girl answered.

"Well, those are nice names" the guy replied.

"It would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!"

______________________________________________________

I was on vacation, playing the slot machines.  It was my 
first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines 
operated.

"Excuse me." I said to a casino employee.  "How does this 
work?"

The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin 
button, and operate the release handle.

"And where does the money come out?" I asked.

He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying,
"Usually at the ATM."

______________________________________________________

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new
computer.  The training officer said the computer was able to
withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.

Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and
yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room!  You'll
have to get rid of that coffee."

The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"

"Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe
out all of the data!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
 
Lilac-Breasted Roller

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Terry Turnage
50
Memphis, Tennessee

Worst Deadbeat Dad 
Now Has 26 Kids

The Tennessee deadbeat who has fathered 26 children with 
20 different women has again been ordered by a judge to 
make child support payments, this time for a two-year-old 
Arkansas boy, court records show.

Terry Turnage, a 50-year-old Memphis resident, was ordered 
this month to pay $60 per week to Miesha Davis, mother of 
the pair’s son Ja’Voin. The support order came as a result 
of a paternity complaint filed on Davis’s behalf by 
Arkansas’s Office of Child Support Enforcement.

A Circuit Court judge also ordered Turnage to “maintain 
health care insurance” for the child “when reasonably 
available” through his employer, and pay $365 in court fees.

In addition to Davis, two other Arkansas women have recently 
secured child support orders against Turnage, who has gained 
notoriety for impregnating assorted Tennessee women (many 
of whom also have secured child support orders to which 
Turnage has failed to adhere).

According to Arkansas court records, state officials have 
filed income withholding notices with a Memphis company that 
operates a McDonald’s restaurant where Turnage has supposedly 
worked (and earned $247.28 weekly).

However, it appears that Turnage has a stake in a Forrest 
City, Arkansas nightclub that lists its owner as Turnage’s 
son, Terry Jr.. The elder Turnage is a regular at Club Envy, 
where he last month hosted a two-day party celebrating his 
50th birthday. The club’s address is listed as Turnage’s 
residence in some court papers.

In addition to his assorted child support cases, Turnage 
is facing a felony charge of making terroristic threats. 
Investigators allege that Turnage threatened a Forrest 
City businessman from whom he had purchased an automobile 
that did not run any more.

In a June 2 written statement, the victim told cops that 
Turnage warned that if he did not have the Chevrolet repaired 
and delivered to the Club Envy parking lot, “he would shoot 
me or my wife.” The man added that Turnage “led me to believe 
that he had a gun and that he was willing and able to carry 
through” on his repeated threats.

Turnage, who is unwilling to support his offspring, paid the 
businessman $10,000 in cash for the 2005 Corvette.

If convicted of the felony charge, Turnage faces a maximum 
of six years in state prison. He is being represented by a 
public defender after filing an “affidavit of indigency” 
in late-September. 
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Karen
Re: How difficult is Open Office?

Dear Webby!
I know you like Open Office. How difficult is it to learn
how to use it? I just need a woprd processor, spreadsheet,
and the occasional PowerPoint presentation.
Thanks
Karen


Dear Karen
It's about the same as Microsoft Office, picks up
Open Standard and Microsoft proprietary files and
saves them in whatever format you select.

Changing from Microsoft Office to Open Office is about 
as difficult as changing browsers, for example changing
from Internet Explorer, when that has security problems,
to FireFox or Chrome. 

Some menu items are in different places, and a few commands
have names, that make more sense. Not a big deal at all.
Sure, for a few days you'll be slowed down a bit, until you
get used to the new locations of some of the menu selections,
but I found it very intuitive and no problem at all.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?"
But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth
because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden in a Fury."

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a
Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies
with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses'
followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's
horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus
drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they
cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd,
"For I did not speak of my own Accord."

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as
evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of
Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler:
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And,
following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a
Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aluminum Foil as Alternative to Fabric Sheets
A ball of aluminum foil to prevent static in the dryer.
If you don't have fabric sheets or just don't want to buy 
them, try using aluminum foil instead! Crumple up a sheet 
of aluminum foil into a ball and toss it into the dryer. 
It eliminates static cling, lasts a long, long time, and 
costs practically nothing!
By Marilyn from Colfax, LA

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming
voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful
to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish".

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over
anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would
take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire
for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another
wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,
I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said
that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand
women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking
when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean
when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said,
"Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

______________________________________________________

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate
their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new
Mink Coat?" he asks.

"Not really," says Mary.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he
suggests. She again rejects his offer with a 

"No thanks."

"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks.

"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John.






Hurricane season almost done




Today in 
1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the 
 American Revolution. 
1864 Union Gen. William T. Sherman and his troops began 
 their "March to the Sea" during the U.S. Civil War. 
1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason. 
1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a countoured bottle 
 patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year. 
1933 The United States and the Soviet Union established 
 diplomatic relations for the first time. 
1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football 
 for Charlie Brown. 
1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged 
 with massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai 
 massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 
1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had 
 been developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research. 
1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment 
 of HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran. 
1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic 
 "sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence. 
1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident 
 from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated 
 for almost 18 years. 
1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students, 
 aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a 
 carefully selected group of teachers and students. 
1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a 
 deal for the North American rights to a book about her 
 affair with U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could 
 file discrimination lawsuits against employers even when 
 labor contracts require arbitration. 
1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth, 
 was shot four times in her car. She died a month later 
 from her wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced 
 to a minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his 
 role in the murder. 
2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president 
 to visit Communist Vietnam. 
2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of 
 nearly 10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean.
2014  smiled.

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( 3 / 472 )

NSA recording all your calls

Saturday, November 15, 2014, 10:03 AM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 15

US-CERT released an alert about a serious vulnerability in
Internet Explorer, all versions of Windows. 

Microsoft has not identified any workarounds for this vulnerability.
Until the next Patch-Tuesday updates, don't use Microsoft 
PowerPoint and avoid using Internet Explorer except on sites,
that you know for sure are clean, like for example your bank.

Even if your bank has been hacked and your data stolen and sold,
it is extremely unlikely that an attack onto your computer
would be coming from a bank. Their data might be easy, but
their user interfaces are way too complicated for hackers 
to use. 

For anything other than your bank or Webby, don't use 
Internet Explorer and Powerpoint until you got them patched.

Chrome, FireFox and Open Office are not affected by this
vulnerability. For most PPS files you can safely use 
Open Office Impress. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida shoplifter, who stuffed a chainsaw down his shorts
right in front of the camera
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1901 Miller Reese patented an electrical hearing aid. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

Some people never go crazy.
What truly horrible lives they must lead.
--- Charles Bukowski

______________________________________________________

>From Mim
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under 
the seat. 

Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver 
had found my bag. 

When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers 
surrounded me. 

One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages 
and a bushel box containing the contents of my purse.

"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he 
explained. "I think you'll find everything there." 

As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, 
the man continued, 
"I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all 
tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. 
And we'd like to see just how you do it." 

______________________________________________________

I was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman 
I'd recently met. Standing at the back of the crowd, we 
wrapped our arms around each other, swaying to the music. 
After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face 
me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..." 

Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, 
"Do you mean our houses or our philosophies?" 

She replied, "To the stage." 

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Craig for this one:
Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate me"
speech once from Juanita.  I promised to treat her royally for the
remainder of the day.  I took her to lunch at Burger King and 
Dairy Queen for dessert.  She's never mentioned it since.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Bill for this movie clip:

Tire change at car races 1950 and 2013

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Anthony Ballard, 
28,
Port St. Lucie
Floriduh

Florida shoplifter, 
who stuffed a chainsaw down his shorts
right in front of the camera

Is that a chainsaw in your shorts or are you just excited 
for some Weird News?

A Florida man is accused of shoplifting a chainsaw by stuffing 
the heavy machinery down his shorts and under his T-shirt, 
the TC Palm reports.

Footage of the incident posted by the newspaper to YouTube, 
shows the suspect, 28-year-old Anthony Ballard, as he appears 
to steal the chainsaw from Treasure Coast Lawn in Port St. 
Lucie. Ballard reportedly asked for change before attempting 
to conceal the tool.

Ballard fled on a bicycle (which police later found was 
also stolen) before ditching the chainsaw in a vacant lot. 
A police search for him was unsuccessful, but a Treasure 
Coast Lawn employee found him and held him until police 
arrived.

Ballard was arrested and transported to the St. Lucie 
County Jail, according to WPTV. He was charged with 
grand theft.
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Ed
Re: Phone surveillance

Dear Webby!
I read that the US Justice department and the NSA are now 
recording all phone conversations. What is that causing to
happen? 
And, is there a way to stop that?
Ed


Dear Ed
The only result of that is Billions of Dollars sent to Singapore
for fancy Terabyte hard drives.

It's no big deal that all your hot calls to your mistresses,
or spiritual advisors, are recorded for posterity. 
It's the same as all the traffic light cameras recording 
24 hours a day. As long as there is no accident, nobody looks
at the recording. However, if an accident had happened at
4 am, then they copy the relevant 5 minutes and use them 
in court. 
And maybe even post them on YouTube.

Take for example the Boston Marathon bombers. A month AFTER
the bombing they found in the recorded phone conversations
leads to other terrorists and people, who knew of the event
but did not do anything to stop it. They did not listen to
their phone conversations live, they had just recorded them.

The surveillance keeps tens of thousands of Americans 
gainfully employed, and they would be very annoyed if you 
stopped their cushy jobs. 

As long as you don't hang out with terrorists or dope 
dealers, you have nothing to worry about. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the
workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can
get material up and down to the upper floors.  

A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors
(gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to
another floor.  

One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the 
elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently
needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately,
Peter forgot and left the door open.  

After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, 
to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift 
back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to 
this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped 
up, yelling to the heavens:
"Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Baking Soda for Coffee and Tea Cups

I keep a saucer with baking soda in it by my kitchen sink. 
That way, when I have a cup which is stained, I can get rid 
of those stains right away with no fuss or bother. I wet my 
fingers, dip my fingers in the baking soda, and then rub 
them on the inside of the cup where the stains are. In a 
flash the stains are gone!

Source: I learned this habit from my mother and so I have 
the added bonus of remembering her every time I use the 
baking soda.
By Bellevillelady from Belleville, Ontario, Canada

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Police House Calls 
My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to
break up a domestic dispute. 

We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved. 
On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their 
turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was 
the front door. 

Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment 
when I heard my partner say:
"If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet." 

______________________________________________________

Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned   
about getting the correct name on the birth certificate.   

"Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?"   

"Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?"   

"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told   
you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his   
birth certificate 'Thomas.'   

This boy I want to name Jack."   






Pasta Gallery




Today in 
1777 The Continental Congress approved the Articles of Confederation.
1806 Explorer Zebulon Pike spotted the mountaintop that became known 
 as Pikes Peak. 
1867 the first stock ticker was unveiled in New York City. 
1889 Brazil's monarchy was overthrown. 
1901 Miller Reese patented an electrical hearing aid. 
1902 Anarchist Gennaro Rubin failed in his attempt to murder 
 King Leopold II of Belgium. 
1940 The first 75,000 men were called to Armed Forces duty under 
 peacetime conscription. 
1965 The Soviet probe, Venera 3, was launched from Baikonur, 
 Kazakhstan. On March 1, 1966, it became the first unmanned 
 spacecraft to reach the surface of another planet when it 
 crashed on Venus. 
1969 In Washington, DC, a quarter of a million protesters 
 staged a peaceful demonstration against the Vietnam War. 
1985 Britain and Ireland signed an accord giving Dublin an 
 official consultative role in governing Northern Ireland. 
1986 A government tribunal in Nicaragua convicted American 
 Eugene Hasenfus of charges related to his role in delivering 
 arms to Contra rebels. He was sentenced to 30 years in prison 
 and was pardoned a month later. 
1986 Ivan F. Boesky, reputed to be the highest-paid person on 
 Wall Street, faced penalties of $100 million for insider 
 stock trading. It was the highest penalty ever imposed by 
 the SEC. 
1988 The Palestine National Council, the legislative body of 
 the PLO, proclaimed the establishment of an independent 
 Palestinian state at the close of a four-day conference 
 in Algiers. 
1992 Richard Petty drove in the final race of his 35-year 
 career. 
1993 A judge in Mineola, NY, sentenced Joey Buttafuoco to 
 six months in jail for the statutory rape of Amy Fisher. 
 Fisher was serving a prison sentence for shooting and 
 wounding Buttafuoco's wife, Mary Jo. 
1995 Texaco agreed to pay $176 million to settle a race-
 discrimination lawsuit. 
1999 Representatives from China and the United States signed 
 a major trade agreement that involved China's membership in 
 the World Trade Organization (WTO). 
2000 Three police officers from the Rampart division of the 
 Los Angeles police department were convicted on several 
 counts of conspiracy to obstruct justice. One other officer 
 was acquitted. The case was the first major case against 
 the anti-gang unit. 
2005 In Amiens, France, Isabelle Dinoire became the first 
 person to undergo a partial face transplant. She had been 
 attacked by a dog earlier in the year. 
2006 Andy Warhol's painting of Communist Party Chairman 
 Mao Zedong sold for $17.4 million. At the same auction 
 "Orange Marilyn" sold for $16.2 million and "Sixteen Jackies" 
 sold for $15.6 million.
2014  smiled.

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Appointment calendar, that sends emails

Friday, November 14, 2014, 11:35 AM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Jim, HMCM!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Drunk Motorist Hit Pedestrian, 
Kept Driving With Victim 
"Halfway Through The Vehicle's 
Windshield"
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics 
ruled by Frankenstein logic.
--- David Russell   

Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees 
on something or other, reach for your wallet, 
because you're being had.
--- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008),
______________________________________________________

>From Nanarina
The Real Truths in Life

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a 
bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we 
never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed 
without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is 
nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a 
few drinks - PRICELESS.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. 
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by 
the woman's husband.

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between 
Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their 
preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

6. I haven't verified this on Urban Legends, but it sounds 
legit. A recent study found that women who carry a little 
extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

______________________________________________________

Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention
hotel in Williamsburg, Va., prided ourselves on making the
guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception,
credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address
him by name.

Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests
presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg,
Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said.

"Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco."

______________________________________________________

They were burying Irish Pat today and the Irish Priest was
explaining to the congregation that before they could put
Pat to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice
about Pat, even though Pat was a womanizer, a drunk and
a fighter.  No one got up.

So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain
me-self properly.
Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of you MUST get
up and say something nice about the man.
It's our duty as Irishmen and Catholics."

So as the priest sat down again, Little Murphy in the back
pew got up, cleared his throat, and with his porkpie hat in
his hand said, "His brother was even worse!".

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:
Thanks to Walter, the  Stonecarver, for this picture

 
Click through for the pig p;icture

Mandarin Fish
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Marcos Ortega, 33, 
Ocean Township, 
New Jersey
Drunk Motorist Hit Pedestrian, 
Kept Driving With Victim 
"Halfway Through The Vehicle's 
Windshield"

After striking a pedestrian with his car, a drunk New Jersey 
bonehead drove for more than a mile with the critically 
injured victim lodged in the vehicle’s windshield, 
investigators allege.  

Responding to a report Monday of an erratic driver, an 
Ocean Township Police Department officer spotted an auto 
“with what appeared to be a person lying on the hood of 
the vehicle.” A cop initiated a traffic stop around 7 PM 
and found “a person halfway through the vehicle’s windshield,” 
according to prosecutors.

A subsequent investigation determined that driver 
Marcos Ortega, 33, struck the victim when he crossed onto 
the shoulder on Route 9. Cops estimated that Ortega drove 
“approximately 1.5 miles” with Kenneth Moeller, 61, lodged 
in the car’s windshield.

Moeller was extricated from the vehicle by emergency service 
workers and transported to the Jersey Shore University 
Medical Center, where he is listed in critical condition.

The drunk Ortega was charged with drunk driving and leaving 
the scene of an accident. He was booked into the county jail 
in lieu of $150,000 bail.
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Iana
Re: Reminder

Dear Webby!
I need a reliable reminder service, where I can enter
appointments and get email reminders in time to plan my
week. What do you recommend?
Iana


Dear Iana
I have used a href="http://mymemorizer.com">http://mymemorizer.com 
for many years. It is free, and you can set it to remind 
you on four different time intervals, for example, a month, 
week, 3 days, 1 day in advance, and even tell it at what 
time of the day to send you the reminder emails. 

You don't have to set those intervals all the same, but 
can vary them for each event. It also has a nice calendar
where it shows you the booked events in the colors of 
your choice. I am quite happy with it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










The story is told of a Russian named Ivanovich who visited the
Moscow zoo for the first time. To his amazement, he found a little
lamb sharing the cage with a big fierce lion.

Ivanovich expressed surprise to his guide. The guide smiled
and said, "That is peaceful coexistence."

When Ivanovich shook his head in a doubtful way, the guide
explained,

"Of course, we have to put in a fresh lamb every morning."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Trash Can Liners

Most people have several trash containers throughout their 
house: kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, office, etc. Most trash 
that is tossed is dry. If you reserve one trash container 
for wet trash (kitchen would be a logical one), you can 
simply empty the others into it on trash day, instead of 
bagging them all individually. Saves on trash can liners.
By Leann D

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A handsome young man walks into a chemist shop which is
owned and run by two old spinster sisters.

The man said to the two old women, "Every time I see a
woman, I get the urge to hug and kiss her, and to make
mad, passionate love. Is there anything you can give me
for this?"

The two old women whispered to each other for a moment,
and then one of them replied, "My sister and I will give you
$200 a week and the two-room flat above the shop."
______________________________________________________

A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide
while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here?  Aren't
there cannibals around here?"

The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure
there are no cannibals in Africa."

The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some
cannibals around here."

The  guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here.
I'm sure.
We ate the last one yesterday."






20 weird pictures




Today in 
1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York 
 City, NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 
 30 people. 
1851 Herman Melville's novel "Moby Dick" was first 
 published in the U.S. 
1881 Charles J. Guiteau's trial began for the assassination 
 of U.S. President Garfield. Guiteau was convicted and 
 hanged the following year. 
1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane) 
 began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules 
 Verne's Phileas Fogg by traveling around the world in less 
 than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the 
 following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. 
1922 The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) began 
 domestic radio service. 
1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed the 
 Philippine Islands a free commonwealth after its new 
 constitution was approved. The Tydings-McDuffie Act planned 
 for the Phillipines to be completely independent by July 4, 
 1946. 
1940 During World War II, German war planes destroyed most 
 of the English town of Coventry when about 500 Luftwaffe 
 bombers attacked. 
1951 The first telecast of a world lightweight title fight 
 was seen coast to coast. Jimmy Carter beat Art Aragon in 
 Los Angeles. 
1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 
1968 Yale University announced it was going co-educational. 
1969 Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon from Cape Kennedy
1969 During the Vietnam War, Major General Bruno Arthur 
 Hochmuth, commander of the Third Marine Division, became 
 the first general to be killed in Vietnam by enemy fire. 
1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike. 
1973 Britain's Princess Anne married a commoner, Capt. 
 Mark Phillips, in Westminster Abbey. They divorced in 
 1992, and Princess Anne re-married. 
1979 U.S. President Carter froze all Iranian assets in the 
 United States and U.S. banks abroad in response to the 
 taking of 63 American hostages at the U.S. embassy in 
 Tehran, Iran. 
1983 The British government announced that U.S.-made 
 cruise missiles had arrived at the Greenham Common air 
 base amid protests. 
1989 The U.S. Navy ordered an unprecedented 48-hour 
 stand-down in the wake of a recent string of serious 
 accidents. 
1991 After 13 years in exile Cambodian Prince Norodom 
 Sihanouk returned to his homeland. 
1994 U.S. experts visited North Korea's main nuclear 
 complex for the first time under an accord that opened 
 such sites to outside inspections. 
1995 The U.S. government instituted a partial shutdown, 
 closing national parks and museums while most government 
 offices operated with skeleton crews.
2014  smiled.

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MS-Office 2003 vs 2007

Thursday, November 13, 2014, 12:28 PM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Michael Brown's mother named as robbery attacker
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1805 Johann Georg Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." It became known as
 the "Wiener".
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Rogues are preferable to imbeciles 
because they sometimes take a rest.
--- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870)

______________________________________________________

A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a
policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her
the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and
everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?"

"No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."

______________________________________________________


A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire 
alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. 
The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd 
wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt 
collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his 
once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who 
was speaking in quick, agitated tones.

"Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of 
tires . . . maybe I can help here."

"You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. 
"My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the 
arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, 
I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done."

______________________________________________________

You never know when a little blessing will pop up in your   
life. Just the other day I was running late for work and   
probably doing about 15 miles over the limit when some dud   
pulled right in front of me. I didn't have the opportunity   
to pull around him and was forced to slow way down. Let me   
put it this way...I yelled a few things I wouldn't care to   
reprint here.   

Just then we rolled through an intersection and there was   
a cop in a police cruiser pointing his radar gun at oncoming   
traffic as plain as can be. 60 seconds earlier and he would   
have pinched me for sure.   

So I actually apologized to the guy in front of me...even   
though he couldn't hear it...or the stuff I was yelling at   
him earlier, but I felt he deserved it for saving me from   
that ticket. In fact, he saved me a lot of frustration   
and aggravation, because that one little bit of luck really   
improved my mood for the rest of the day.   

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Walter, the  Stonecarver, for this picture

 

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Lesley McSpadden, 34, Ferguson, Missouri

Michael Brown's mother 
named as robbery attacker

NOVEMBER 6--A police report detailing a fight last month 
between members of Michael Brown’s family over the sale 
of commemorative t-shirts identifies the late teenager’s 
mother as one of the “attackers” who beat and robbed 
vendors selling the merchandise from a tent in a Ferguson, 
Missouri parking lot.

A copy of the Ferguson Police Department report was provided 
yesterday by city attorney Stephanie Karr. When TSG requested 
the document two weeks ago, Karr noted that Brown’s mother, 
Lesley McSpadden, was “described in the report” and had 
“specifically requested that the report be withheld from 
the media.”

Karr added, “Knowing this, do you still want a copy of the 
report?”

The violent October 18 ransacking--which police have classified 
as felony armed robbery--remains under active investigation, 
said Karr. “No charges have been filed yet and no decision 
about charges will be made until the investigation is concluded,” 
the lawyer told TSG yesterday. Since they were not charged 
for looting white businesses in August, it could get very 
complicated if they were charged for looting and robbing 
relatives.

The police probe of the attack, which left one victim 
hospitalized, is occurring at the same time a grand jury is 
weighing possible criminal charges against the Ferguson cop 
who shot the unarmed Brown during an August confrontation.

According to the report, Pearlie Gordon, 54, and two men were 
selling “Justice for Mike Brown” merchandise on a Saturday 
afternoon when “a large group of about 20-30 subjects 
‘jumped out of vehicles and rushed them.’” Gordon is the 
mother-in-law of Michael Brown Sr., McSpadden's ex-husband.

Gordon told police that McSpadden, 34, approached her and 
said, “You can’t sell this shit.” 
Gordon replied, according to the report, that “unless McSpadden 
could produce documentation stating that she had a patent on 
her son’s name she (Gordon) was going to continue to sell 
her merchandise.”

McSpadden’s mother, Desureia Harris, began to rip down 
t-shirts hanging on a line, Gordon told officers. Then, she 
added, other members of McSpadden’s mob began “tearing her 
booth apart.” Gordon said that during the melee she was 
repeatedly struck in the head and knocked to the ground.

At one point, Gordon recalled, she heard McSpadden 
“yell to an unknown subject, ‘That’s Calvina’s mom, 
get her ass.” [Calvina is the first name of Michael 
Brown Sr.'s wife.] “McSpadden then ran up and punched 
Gordon,” according to the report.

Gordon’s male associates were also beaten--reportedly 
with a pipe--during the confrontation, and one of the 
men was transported by EMS workers to a local hospital 
for treatment of “injuries sustained during the assault.”

Gordon identified McSpadden (seen above), McSpadden's spouse, 
Harris, and several others as the “attackers.” More than 
$1500 in merchandise and $400 in cash “was stolen by McSpadden’s mob”, 
who fled before police arrived, the report notes.

A witness whose name was redacted from the report told cops 
that she watched the attack from her car while at a red signal. 
The woman said she saw several individuals enter the tent from 
opposite sides and begin “assaulting (punching) the vendors.”
That witness has since disappeared.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Kelly
Re: MS Office 2003 and 2007

Dear Webby!
Dear Webby,
I got both 2003 and 2007 mixed up on my computer, which is
a hand-me-down, or up, from my son.
I get along with 2003, if I have to, but hate 2007. 
2007 is apparently a trial version, but Microsoft says
the only way to uninstall it is to buy the 2007 or 2010 CD. 
Why would I buy 2007, just to get rid of the silly crap?
What do you recommend?
Kelly


Dear Kelly
A lot of people feel the same way about 2007, and even 2003.
Personally, if I don't use Corel Quattro or Open Office Calc,
I use Excel 2000. After all, I just want to get work done,
not gush about how pwetty the new version is.

Corel Quattro is not free. It is part of Corel Office. You
can get older versions of Corel office on ebay for $10 - $15.
No real changes between the versions.
 
Open Office, of course is free. You get it at
http://www.openoffice.org/

Most of Europe and Asia, and a lot of big companies here have
switched to Open Office. When they have 500, 1000, or 5000 
computers, the cost of Microsoft Office versus the free 
Open Office makes a big difference.

Open Office is close enough to Microsoft Office, that you
can easily adjust your habits to it. Open Office picks up
Microsoft Office files, and even saves them back in that
format, if you want.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and   
walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary-colored   
paint," he says.   

"Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it?"   

"My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a   
canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to   
win."   

"Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals   
in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!"   

"No, they won't," Jim replies.   

"Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if   
you try to paint him."   

"You're on!" says Jim.   

Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts   
ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk.   

"So the paint killed your bird?"   

"Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay,   
but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."   
-------
Should have used dye. No need to sand clothes and feathers 
between dunking.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Egg Crates for Veggie Storage

Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie 
becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip 
onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or 
shelf.
Extra: Because you can ripen tomatoes in a brown paper 
bag, the cardboard crates are great for green tomatoes.
By Kelli [17]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Airman Johnson was assigned to the induction center, where he
advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially
their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Johnson
had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never
happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the
room and listened to Johnson's sales pitch. Johnson explained
the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the
government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you
don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed,
the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going
to send into battle first?"

______________________________________________________


Thanks to Nina from Oz for this story:
Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time
and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage
collector he decided to take it up.

On his first day things were going great until he arrived at
one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front.
Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get
fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I
will get fired."

So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise
it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a
sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya
bin?"

The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays."

Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?"

"I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply.

Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot.
Where's ya Wheelie Bin?"

The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening.
"Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' 
everyone I bin on 'olidays, eh!"






SkyStreaks




Today in 
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured 
 Montreal. 
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which 
 he said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, 
 except death and taxes." 
1805 Johann Georg Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." It became known as
 the "Wiener".
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing 
 access between New York City and New Jersey beneath the 
 Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in 
 America took place. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure 
 lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18. 
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for 
 racial segregation on public buses. 
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft 
 to orbit another planet, Mars. 
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in 
 newspapers for the last time. 
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington
1984 A libel suit against Time, Inc. by former Israeli Defense 
 Minister Ariel Sharon went to trial in New York. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that 
 the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. 
 He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but 
 that they had been sent to improve relations. 
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union. 
1998 "The Wizard of Oz" was released on the big screen by 
 Warner Bros. 59 years after its original release. 
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press 
 for the North American rights to her story about her affair 
 with U.S. President Bill Clinton. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order 
 that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners 
 captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time 
 since World War II that a president had taken such action. 
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. 
2014  smiled.

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Return Key

Wednesday, November 12, 2014, 09:27 AM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Massachusetts man, who got arrested for dual 
attempted murder over dog poop dispute
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that is named after him.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








Being a woman is a terribly difficult task 
since it consists principally in dealing with men.
--- Joseph Conrad (1857 - 1924)

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
--- Miguel de Cervantes

______________________________________________________

At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call   
Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention,"   
he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at   
the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor."   

"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't   
realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"   

______________________________________________________


A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her   
dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin   
fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she   
begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying,   
"Granddaughter? Are you there?"   

The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds,   
"Grandmother? Is that you?"   

"Yes granddaughter, it's me."   

"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.   

"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."   

The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"   

"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."   

The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one   
question for you."   

"Anything, my child."   

"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"   

______________________________________________________


>From Dora
We had built our dream house several years ago, and   
furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them.   
Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new   
bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.   

"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the   
driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve   
years for this!"   

"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this   
morning."   

______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dawn for this picture

 

Click through for the large picture
Georgia
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Michael Valentin,
Attempted Double Homicide 
After Dog-Poop Dispute in Massachusetts

A dispute between neighbors about a dog's bodily waste in 
Springfield, Massachusetts, has resulted in a tenant being 
charged with felony assault and attempted murder.

Michael Valentin, 33, was arrested Saturday for allegedly 
stabbing a 46-year-old woman and her 23-year-old daughter.

Police said the attacks stemmed from an argument between 
Valentin and the victims about their pit bull, which 
Valentin said had defecated on the rear stairs and in the 
side yard, MassLive reports.

The deputies first showed up at the apartment building 
around 9:30 a.m. and sought to resolve the problem with 
the help of the landlord. After they left, Valentin 
allegedly erupted into violence by attacking his second
floor neighbors.

The mother was stabbed several times in the back while the 
daughter was stabbed in the face and neck.

The mother was taken to the hospital with injuries that 
are not life-threatening, and has been upgraded from 
critical to stable condition, according to WTNH.com. The 
daughter is reportedly in good condition.

Valentin was arrested and charged with armed assault with 
intent to murder, mayhem as well as assault and battery 
with a dangerous weapon, according to the Associated Press.
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Return Key

Dear Webby!
Dear Webby,
I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return"
key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the
retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar.
Just curious. Thanks again.
Sharon


Dear Sharon
With electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return
key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard.

Some silly bozos call the BackSpace key a "Return key". 
That is usually due to too much booze and/or dope and 
not remembering that the phrase is supposed to be:

To return to the previous page,
hit the Backspace key.

By the way, in the really old days, before electric 
typewriters, you had to slap the carriage to return it 
to the right. That led to a few hilarious moments when 
typists switched to Wang Word Processors, IBM DisplayWrite 
or PCs, as you can see in this movie.
Return!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










A woman went to her doctor's office where she was seen by 
a young new doctor.

After about four minutes in the examination room, the 
doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. 
She told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another 
room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the first 
doctor and demanded:

"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 years old, 
has four grown children, seven grandchildren and you told 
her she was pregnant?!?! 

The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and 
without looking up said, 

"Does she still have the hiccups?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Egg Crates for Veggie Storage

Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie 
becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip 
onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or 
shelf.
Extra: Because you can ripen tomatoes in a brown paper 
bag, the cardboard crates are great for green tomatoes.
By Kelli [17]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________


Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says,
“Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?”
 “Dang,” says his friend, “and I just joined The Elks!!”

______________________________________________________


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted
by people describing their ailments and asking
the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour
of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you
for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then
I send them a bill, at after hours, over-time rate."


The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it
a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty,
the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to
place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from
the lawyer.






SkyStreaks




Today in 
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor 
 shower from a ship off the Florida Keys. 
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that is named after him. 
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent 
 republics. 
1921 Representatives of nine nations gathered for the start 
 of the Washington Conference for Limitation of Armaments. 
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union. 
 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party leading to 
 Stalin coming to power. 
1931 Maple Leaf Gardens opened in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began 
 between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a major 
 victory. 
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" was 
 sunk off the coast of Norway. 
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier Hideki 
 Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to death. 
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, 
 closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants since 1892. 
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports from 
 Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. 
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles of 
 Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth. 
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen snared 
 the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space salvage. 
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy statement 
 that said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse to treat 
 someone solely because that person had AIDS or was HIV-positive. 
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the 
 Chrysanthemum Throne. 
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to dock 
 with the Russian space station Mir. 
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq for 
 constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors. 
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993 
 bombing of the World Trade Center. 
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form 
 Daimler-Chrysler AG. 
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after 
 take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 
 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 
 people aboard were killed. 
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken the 
 Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Norther 
 Alliance at this point was reported to have control over 
 most of the northern areas of Afghanistan. 
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment Inc. 
 that claimed the company had cheated him out of millions of 
 dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 movie 
 "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, the Incredible 
 Hulk and Daredevil. 
2013 A series of portraits of Lucian Freud by the British 
 painter Francis Bacon known as Three Studies of Lucian Freud 
 sold for $142.4 million at an auction in New York City. 
2014  smiled.

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( 3.2 / 680 )

Is the current FF good?

Tuesday, November 11, 2014, 12:23 PM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, November 11
Veterans Day, Remembrance Day

At 11:00 play this:
A Pittance of time


They fought and some died for their homeland
They fought and some died now it’s our land
Look at his little child, there’s no fear in her eyes
Could he not show respect for other dads who have died?

Take two minutes, would you mind?
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls who went over
In peace may they rest, may we never forget why they died.
It’s a pittance of time

God forgive me for wanting to strike him
Give me strength so as not to be like him
My heart pounds in my breast, fingers pressed to my lips
My throat wants to bawl out, my tongue barely resists

But two minutes I will bide
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls who went over
In peace may they rest, may we never forget why they died.
It’s a pittance of time

Read the letters and poems of the heroes at home
They have casualties, battles, and fears of their own
There’s a price to be paid if you go, if you stay
Freedom is fought for and won in numerous ways

Take two minutes would you mind?
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls all over
May we never forget our young become vets
At the end of the line it’s a pittance of time

It takes courage to fight in your own war
It takes courage to fight someone else’s war
Our peacekeepers tell of their own living hell
They bring hope to foreign lands that the hatemongers can’t kill.

Take two minutes, would you mind?
It’s a pittance of time
For the boys and the girls who go over
In peacetime our best still don battle dress
And lay their lives on the line.
It’s a pittance of time

In Peace may they rest, lest we forget why they died.
Take a pittance of time


If that plays rough at 11:00, it is because Millions are 
playing it, and Millions more are listening to it, when 
stores, factories and offices play it for the 2 minutes
of silence at 11:00. If you want to play it at your business,
save it beforehand and then play the saved version at 11:00.





In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.





Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
wannabe kidnapper in Utah, who gave up his 5 year old victim
when threatened with dire consequences by her foster father.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany 
 signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's 
 Day in the United States and Remebrance day in Commonwealth 
 countries.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Imagination is more important than knowledge...
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a
president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since
he told me that, I stopped worrying.
--- Ronald Reagan
______________________________________________________

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job.  His
nephew asked him what happened.

"You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who
stands around and watches the other men work?"

"What's that got to do with it?" he asked.

"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained.
"Everyone thought I was the foreman."

______________________________________________________

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-
law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke
to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted
on them both trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and
started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they
came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up
against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood
facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The stupid lion got
himself in trouble, let him get himself out of it."

______________________________________________________

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in
Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12
years, chatting and enjoying each others' friendship. One day, the
younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't
be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all these years,
what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't."

The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing
for 2 full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do
you have to know?"

______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dawn for this picture

 
Click through for the large picture
Delaware
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Troy Morley, 48
of Roy, Utah
wannabe kidnapper in Utah gave up his 
5 year old victim when threatened with 
dire consequences by her foster father.

A set of Utah parents were awakened Friday to an unsettling 
noise for 4:30 in the morning: the sound of their front door 
opening and their 5-year-old daughter talking.

When the father rushed outside in his pajama pants and hoodie 
he saw the terrifying sight of his 5-year-old stepdaughter 
in the arms of a stranger who was carrying her away across 
the front lawn. The man had snatched the girl out of her bed 
in the basement moments earlier after coming in the house 
through an unlocked door, police said.

The father confronted the man, demanding that he give the 
girl back. Without a fight, the intruder handed her over, 
and then fled the scene.

"There was a man in my home and he took my 5-year-old 
daughter," said the mother, crying, in a 911 call moments 
later. "I happened to wake up and he had my daughter 
outside. My husband ran out there and got her from him. 
But he took my daughter."

"But do you have your daughter back now?" said the dispatcher.

"Yeah, but he's out there somewhere," she said. "He came in 
my home...He took my daughter from my house."

A man later identified as Troy Morley, 48, of Roy, Utah, 
was caught two blocks away after breaking into another house 
in a middle-class neighborhood in the Salt Lake City suburb 
of Sandy. Morley was arrested and booked on charges of child 
kidnapping, burglary, trespassing and resisting arrest.

The 5-year-old girl wasn't hurt in the frightening experience, 
but the incident has evoked haunting echoes of when 14-year-old 
Elizabeth Smart was snatched out of her Salt Lake City bedroom 
in 2002. She was held captive for nine months before being found.

The abduction attempt was not targeted, but a random incident, 
said Sandy Police Sgt. Dean Carriger. The family said they don't 
know Morley.

The intruder was in the family's basement searching through 
things when he came upon the girl sleeping in her bedroom, 
Carriger said. Police don't know what his motive was.

"It obviously was a very scary, traumatic situation," Carriger 
said. "The sanctity of our home is huge and for somebody to 
enter that and grab your child, it's got to be one of the 
worst nightmares a parent could face. ... If those parents 
were not awakened to go out and investigate, he could have 
easily left undetected with the girl."

After the 911 call, officers set up a perimeter, and with 
the help of police dogs, launched a search. The suspect went 
into a second home two blocks away through a doggy door in 
an attempt to evade capture. Luckily, the bonehead was too 
stupid to realize that a doggie door big enough for him, 
would indicate good size dogs.
Those dogs at that house alerted the residents, who yelled 
at police already in the area to come get him.
The dogs chased him outside again, where a police dog
promptly took him to ground.

Police captured Morley outside the second home thanks to a 
police dog that bit the suspect in the upper shoulder, 
and held on.

Morley isn't on Utah's sex offender registry and online court 
records only show a pair of divorces and DUI charges.
Holman called it a miracle that the parents woke up in time.
"Thirty seconds later and it would have been all over," Holman said. 
"He would have been long gone."

"Things like that just don't happen around here," said Melissa 
Johnson, 26, who is staying in her parents' house that is next to 
the home where the abduction event occurred.
She said her younger sibling heard screams and commotion in the 
early morning and came to sleep with her downstairs. Johnson 
said they attend the same Mormon congregation as the family.

Johnson and other neighbors say it's a scary thought that a man 
capable of snatching a child was roaming their neighborhood in 
the night.

About 45 miles north in Roy, where Morley lived, neighbors said 
they weren't the least bit surprised to find out the man known 
as a super creep had been accused of trying to abduct a girl.

Next-door neighbor Andrea Shearer, 33, said she forbid her 
children to interact with Morley after a series of bizarre and 
inappropriate conversations. Shearer said Morley had been 
caught sneaking into backyards, including hers. She obtained 
a no trespass order on him from police.

She said she believes Morley had a meth addiction. He talked 
about a satanic cult causing his wife to leave him and having 
critters crawling through the attic, she said.

"He scared me. I'm so glad he's gone," said Shearer, a health 
care professional. "You always hear people saying about their 
neighbor that they seemed so quiet and normal. Not him, 
I'm not surprised."

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Amy
Re: FireFox update

Dear Webby!
Dear Webby,
my granddaughter told me to skip the current FireFox
update. She says it is crap and does not get along with
Adobe Flash. Since I watch a lot of Youtube movies, that
all seem to require Adobe Flash, I am concerned.

What do you recommend?
Amy


Dear Amy
I would agree with your grand daughter. Skip it.
The new "Forget it" icon might be important to people, who
want to hide their tracks, but I doubt that you need that.
The new version also tends to forget the tabs you had open,
when you close FF or reboot.
Just skip this update and see if the next one will be better.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia.  Upon arriving in
Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your
business in Australia?"

"I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply.

The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction 
record?"

Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't think you still 
needed one."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Getting Crayon Marks Off of Walls

Good way to get crayon marks off of walls is to take your 
hair dryer and hold the heat on the crayon for a couple 
of minutes. It will start to melt the crayon. Then take 
a rag with warm water and it will wipe off.
By Debbie N from Tacoma, WA
WD40 works too on most types of wall paint.
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

One psychiatrist has discovered a great way to get his
patients to talk freely.
He puts a cell phone in their hands.

______________________________________________________

Actual Bumper Stickers 
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 

Cover me. I'm changing lanes. 

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. 

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep. 

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. 
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain 
to be a vegetarian. 

It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you. 

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? 

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, 
why are they made of meat? 

Forget about World Peace... 
Visualise Using Your Turn Signal! 

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. 

Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. 

He who laughs last thinks slowest 

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. 

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 

i souport publik edekasion 

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 

Three kinds of people: 
those who can count and those who can't. 

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? 

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'
...till you can find a big rock. 






this is what NO SNOW looks like




Today in 
1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the 
 Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown 
 Harbor near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and 
 equal laws." 
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged 
 in Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising. 
1851 The telescope was patented by Alvan Clark. It had been 
 in use for centuries, but never patented before.
1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged 
 at the Melbourne jail at age 25. 
1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being 
 convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed 
 eight police officers. 
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany 
 signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's 
 Day in the United States and Remebrance day in Commonwealth 
 countries.
1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender 
 of Germany. 
1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in 
 Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first 
 electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest 
 and H.O. Merriman. 
1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at 
 Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding. 
1940 The Jeep made its debut. 
1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation 
 of France. 
1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin 
 and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA. 
1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence 
 from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe. 
1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. The 
 craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning. 
1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to the 
 South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end of 
 direct involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military. 
1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence 
 from Portugal. 
1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story 
 John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours. 
1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat 
 Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class submarine. 
1984 The Reverend Martin Luther King Sr. died in Atlanta at age 84. 
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial Fund. 
1984 Gary Coleman, at age 13, underwent his second kidney 
 transplant in Los Angeles. He had his first transplant at age 5. 
1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming 
 the second largest computer company. 
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record 53.9 
 million dollars in New York. 
1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven bodies 
 buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea Puente was 
 later charged in the deaths of nine people, convicted of three 
 murders and sentenced to life in prison. 
1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 
 16 years to help the nation arrange democratic elections. 
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in a 
 letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after 
 World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others 
 were still living in his country voluntarily. 
1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests. 
1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history 
 theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was 
 halted later due to local opposition. 
1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was 
 dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served 
 in the Vietnam War. 
1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at 
 an Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers. 
1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled "The Wall 
 That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica of the 
 Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would tour communities 
 throughout the United States. 
1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were 
 laying off 10,000 employees. 
1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded skywalk. 
 He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the Flamingo Hilton 
 in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet apart. 
1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement with the 
 Palestinians. 
2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to fight 
AIDS in India. 
2014  smiled.

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( 3 / 587 )

Rural wireless broadband

Monday, November 10, 2014, 09:55 AM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
man in Florida, who pestered a 911 dispatcher for a date.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found David 
 Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish missionary 
 in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous greeting: 
 "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. 
Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
--- Cullen Hightower
______________________________________________________

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. 
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've 
ever seen. Ugh!" 

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, 
fuming. 

She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up 
there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey 
for you." 

Some day, after the swelling goes down, he will be able 
to see again.

______________________________________________________

A police officer pulls over a car load of nuns....

Officer: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you 
going so slow?"

Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."

Officer: "Oh Sister, that's not the speed limit. That's 
the name of the highway you're on!"

Sister: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll 
be more careful."

At this point the officer looks in the back seat where 
the other nuns are shaking and trembling.

Officer: "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your 
friends back there? They're shaking something terrible."

Sister: "Oh, we just got off of highway 119."

Officer: "Ten miles ahead is the 401. The speed limit
there is 65, not 401. We DO have jets that go that fast.
They will shoot you down if they catch you doing 401."
----
The #401 has been renamed since then to the 
"Highway of Heroes" to commemorate the soldiers who died 
in Afghanistan and were repatriated on that highway.


______________________________________________________
Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this
....true story.

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small
new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk.
After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a
double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car,
drove to the center of the village and went straight to the
combination bakery/ice cream parlor.

There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, 
sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact
with those famous baby-blue eyes. With a slow smile, the
actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled
demurely.

Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily
married woman with three grown children, you're fifty years
old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took
the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and
her change in the other. Then she went out the door,
avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.

When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of
change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone?
Oh for heavens sake did I leave it in the store?

Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the
clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice
cream cone was in sight.

With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face
broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the 
woman, 
"You put it in your purse."

______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dawn for this picture

 
Click through for the large picture
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

goes to


Stephen Ramsey,
45, Naples, 
Florida
Florida man arrested for
calling 911 to ask dispatcher for a date 

Stephen Ramsey, 45, is accused of calling 911 to ask for 
a date. Not being able to find a date might seem like an 
emergency, but it's not a reason to call 911.

Case in point: Stephen Ramsey, 45, of Naples, Florida was 
arrested Tuesday after allegedly calling 911 three times 
and asking the dispatcher if she was interested on going 
on a date, WZVN TV reports.

For the record, she wasn't.

Still, Ramsey kept her on the phone for more than six minutes 
and asked her if she was "into handcuffs," the Florida 
Sun-Sentinel reports.

He then laughed before finally hanging up the phone.

A deputy was sent to the suspect's home. Ramsey allegedly 
told him he was "looking for a date or escort service to 
help him pass the time."

The officer said Ramsey was "slurring his speech heavily" 
and had a "strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming 
from his breath," according to Fox4Now.com.

Ramsey was charged with misuse of 911 and is currently in 
the Collier County Jail on $2,000 bond.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Wireless broadband Internet

Dear Webby!
Dear Webby.
I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many
people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics.

I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet
service she could check into that did not require a land
phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not
have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who
would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help.
Sharon


Dear Sharon
Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly
better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it.
They consider it an emergency measure until they can get
back to DSL or cable.

Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas.
Some towns have it, but most don't. Many rural areas in Canada
have it, but in the US, most don't have it. 
A lot of businesses in both the US and Canada and many parts of
Europe have WiFi, which is basically just a home network with
a  bit of extra muscle. Most hotels and motels have it by now,
also most hamburger joints and coffee shops.

Tell her to search online for what is available in HER area.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading
Louis  Farrakhan's newspaper. His best friend walks by, sees
the paper,  and stops - in shock.

"What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You
should be reading the 'Jewish Journal'!"

The elderly man replies, "The Jewish Journal has stories
about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel - all kinds troubles of
the Jewish people.  I like to read about good news."

His friend gasps, "WHAT good news could possibly be in
that paper???"

"Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money,
the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the
Jews control Hollywood -- see?  All *good* news it is!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Privacy Window Using Contact Paper

I decided that I didn't want to use curtains on our 
bathroom window so I was trying to find an alternative. 
I looked at the window films that they sell and didn't 
like how expensive they were. So instead, I purchased 
a roll of contact paper and cut out shapes that nested 
together. I did just the lower half of the window to allow 
light in. The neat part is that clear contact paper 
actually appears frosted on glass. I absolutely love it!
Approximate Time: 2-3 hours
By lalala... [495]
Complete instructions


For about the same price you can get liquid stained glass 
at all the better craft stores. They have plain colors and
many different frostings, that produce actual 3D raised 
profiles. They also have liquid "lead", which is actually
just a silicone in a needle tip squeeze tube. 

You mark the divisions with anything, that writes on glass.
Then run a bead of the "lead" along your traces, and let 
it dry a few minutes.
After that, pour color into each division, and add a drop
of frosting, if desired. Done. You can do a window in 5 
minutes, not counting time spent dreaming up a design.

You can practise on plexiglass, and if your plexiglass is 
the right size, just snap it onto your window. You can 
have seasonal stained glass inserts and just change them 
now and then. 

From a few feet away you can not tell whether there is 
actually cut pieces of stained glass leaded together, or
liquid stained glass. Just get a few colors and play!

You can also practise on unused mirrors. You HAVE to lay
them flat for pouring the colors and let them dry a few 
minutes.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Four older ladies are sitting around playing
bridge.

The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known
you all a long time and there is something I must
get off my chest.  I am a Kleptomaniac.  But,
don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I
never will; we have been friends for too long."

The second lady says, "Well, since we are having
true confessions here, I must get something off
my chest too.  I am a Nymphomaniac.  But don't
worry, I have not hit on your husbands.  They don't
interest me and never will; we have been friends
for too long."

"Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess
something.  I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I
will not hit on you.  You are not my type. We have
been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship."

The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a
confession to make also.  I am an uncontrollable
gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!"

______________________________________________________

A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another
lady friend were talking.  The little girl let out a big fart.
Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the
reply, "Excuse me."

What she said instead was
"Watch out, here comes another one!"






this is what NO SNOW looks like




Today in 
1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the 
 Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence 
 after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. 
 The Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 
 1798. This day is observed as the birth date of the United 
 States Marine Corps. 
1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of 
 dueling. 
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found David 
 Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish missionary 
 in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous greeting: 
 "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" 
1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of the White House. 
1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan. 
1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began when 
 Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his 
 counterpart in Alameda, CA. 
1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA. 
1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism. 
1975 The U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution that 
 equated Zionism with racism. The resolution was repealed 
 in December of 1991. 
1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its 
 crew of 29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior. 
1976 The Utah Supreme Court gave approval for Gary Gilmore 
 to be executed, according to his wishes. The convicted 
 murderer was put to death the following January. 
1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been 
 kidnapped in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused 
 to pay the cab fare. 
1982 Soviet leader Leonid I. Brezhnev died of a heart attack 
 at age 75. He was suceeded by Yuri V. Andropov. 
1982 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was 
 opened to visitors. 
1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of marital 
 sexual assault against his wife who sexually mutilated him. 
 Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of malicious wounding her 
 husband. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill, 
 which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases. 
1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop enforcing 
 the arms embargo against the Bosnian government the following 
 week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed to lifting the ban. 
1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the action 
 would end trade sanctions. 
1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro-Wiwa 
 along with several other anti-government activists. 
1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after a 
 massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The disaster 
 left 24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead. 
1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the murder of 
 two CIA employees in 1993. 
1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's murder 
 conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English au pair 
 to time served. She had served 279 days in the death of 
 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. 
1998 At the White House, "The Virtual Wall" website (www.thevirtualwall.org) 
 was unveiled. The site allows visitors to experience The Wall 
 through the Internet. 
2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's membership. 
2014  smiled.

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( 2.9 / 509 )

Which browser for what?

Sunday, November 9, 2014, 11:27 AM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 9

Thank you, Frank!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a


Details at Boneheads

Today, in 


More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are 
decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other 
lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then,
we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )
______________________________________________________
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister   
had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily   
holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a   
man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency.   
To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was   
left alone in the unlocked room.   

After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out.   
Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get   
back in there, and don't you DARE come out until you're told!"   

The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the   
security people returned, the women reported what had happened.   
Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released   
one very frightened telephone repairman. 

______________________________________________________

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always
kept a bottle of it on his dining room table.  He offered some
to a guest, who took a big spoonful.

When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped,
"I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first
one I've met who passed out a sample of it."

______________________________________________________
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira,
one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide
pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been
discovered. They had died in the act of making love.

"How awful !" exclaimed the wife.

"Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide.
"They probably died from the smoke and did not feel the lava."

______________________________________________________
Thanks to Jean for this picture


Click through for the large picture

Milky Way over Devils Tower
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

goes to


Deborah Delane Asher, 37, 
Laurel County, Kentucky
Kentucky woman wearing 
'I Love Crystal Meth' 
shirt arrested, 
for meth

A Kentucky woman arrested on meth charges while wearing an 
"I love crystal meth" t-shirt now has one very ironic 
mugshot for her records.

Deborah Delane Asher, 37, was busted on Tuesday for alleged 
trafficking in a controlled substance and possession of 
methamphetamine, according to Fox-17. Richard Jeffrey Rice, 
57, was also charged in the case.

"The arrests were the result of a drug investigation 
conducted there after deputies located 2 subjects in 
possession of 3.37 grams of crystal meth and a set of 
digital scales," police in Laurel County said.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Ellis
Re: Best browser

Dear Webby!
I am getting fed up with IE. Which browser do you
recommend?
Ellis


Dear Ellis 
I UNinstalled IE years ago, and use Chrome for regular work
and FireFox for Internet Radio in the background.

FireFox works well for slow and leisurely browsing, and for
Internet Radio. You can leave that on for days without 
resetting the browser. It is not that good for hectic 
searching, especially if the pages have flash ads on the 
side. (Small movies for ads)

Chrome does not like those either and will eventually bung 
up, but tolerates that kind of stuff a little bit better.

Safari is great for reading e-books or long texts, but not
really for much else. If you do a fair bit of reading, then
get Safari as a spare browser. Not as your main browser, 
because it doesn't seem to be able to cope with a lot of
hectic pages, but is a great reader.

Both FireFox and Chrome have pretty good recovery from a
crash, and usually re-open all your previously open tabs.
With Chrome there is also Session-Buddy, a marvellous Add-On,
that tracks your sessions like a properly organized History.
Highly recommended!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





"Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving.
"Don't you see that car is braking?"

Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck, his tire is wobbling."

The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about
his loose wheel.

The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated
by the incessant squealing of the CB.

"Why do you always get so much static?" she asked.

"Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easy Cheesy Lemon Bars
Ingredients:
1 pkg lemon cake mix
1/2 cup margarine melted
1 egg
1 pkg creamy white frosting mix
1 (8 oz) pkg cream cheese softened
Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Combine cake mix, margarine, 
and 1 egg. Stir until moist. Pat in 13x9 inch pan, greased 
on bottom only. Blend frosting mix into softened cream cheese. 
Reserve 1/2 cup for frosting mixture. Beat 3-5 minutes. 
Spread over base. Bake 30-40 minutes. Cool. Frost with frosting 
and cut into bars.
By Sandy from Graettinger, IA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited.
His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young
doctor told her to send him in.

Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as
the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll
expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man."

He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?"

"No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone...."
______________________________________________________

Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a
resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
"Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that
every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in
bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed
for a week."

"I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me
to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix
it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."






The World's 20 Most Amazing Dams




Today in 
1872 A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA. 
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to 
 see the progress on the new canal. It was the first foreign 
 trip by a U.S. president. 
1911 George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent on 
 neon advertising signs. 
1918 Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would abdicate. 
 He then fled to the Netherlands. 
1923 In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German 
 troops that were loyal to the democratic government. The 
 event began the evening before when Adolf Hitler took control 
 of a beer hall full of Bavarian government leaders at 
 gunpoint. 
1938 Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500 
 Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews, and 
 rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that became 
 known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass." 
1961 Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a world 
 record speed of 4,093 mph. 
1963 In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust explosion. 
1963 In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash. 
1965 The great Northeast blackout occurred as several states 
 and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power failures lasting 
 up to 13 1/2 hours. 
1967 A Saturn V rocket carrying an unmanned Apollo spacecraft 
blasted off from Cape Kennedy on a successful test flight. 
1979 The United Nations Security Council unanimously called 
upon Iran to release all American hostages "without delay." 
Militants, mostly students had taken 63 Americans hostage at 
the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4. 
1981 U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week 
 Rapid Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman 
 were also involved in the operation. 
1981 The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion 
 load to India. It was the highest loan to date. 
1982 Sugar Ray Leonard retired from boxing. In 1984 Leonard 
 came out of retirement to fight one more time before becoming 
 a boxing commentator for NBC. 
1989 Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing its 
 citizens to travel freely to West Germany. 
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a 
 non-aggression treaty with Germany. 
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin, visiting London, 
 appealed for assistance in rescheduling his country's debt, 
 and asked British businesses to invest. 
1998 A federal judge in New York approved the richest 
 antitrust settlement in U.S. history. A leading brokerage 
 firm was ordered to pay $1.03 billion to investors who had 
 sued over price-rigging of Nasdaq stocks. 
1998 PBS aired its documentary special "Chihuly Over Venice." 
2004 U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened 
 Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House to 
 pedestrians.
2014  smiled.

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( 3 / 2698 )

Fake virus alerts

Saturday, November 8, 2014, 12:08 PM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 8

Thank you, Frank!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Minnesota woman who beat her boss with a metal plate,
claimed she had to, because he was discriminating and
picking on her just because of her being late again.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make 
 way for the Three Gorges Dam. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by 
fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
--- Michael McClary

Feel the fear and do it anyway.
--- Susan Jeffers

It's the good girls who keep diaries; 
the bad girls never have the time.
--- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)
______________________________________________________
Judy came home from her first day commuting into the
city.  Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and
asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," she replied.  "I'm nauseous from sitting backward
on the train."

"Poor dear," he said.  "Why didn't you ask the person sitting
across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
______________________________________________________
I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand   
when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were.   

"Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium,   
ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked   
ones," I answered.   

"All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones."  
______________________________________________________
A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed   
by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital   
fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all   
but ignored for the next half-hour.   

Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled,   
"Please help me!"   

"Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."   
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dawn for this picture


Click through for the large picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

goes to


Waasohn Senite Dorliae, 25, 
Mendota Heights, Minnesota
Attacked Boss Over 
Worries She Might Be Fired


When a woman in Mendota Heights, Minnesota, was reprimanded 
by her boss for being late, she allegedly reacted by hitting 
him five times with a metal plate.

As a result, she has not only lost her job, but now faces 
felony assault charges. The alleged incident happened Oct. 30, 
when the woman, identified as Waasohn Senite Dorliae was angry 
after her boss scolded her.

The victim told the accused that she would most likely not 
have a job the next day.

At that point, Dorliae allegedly picked up a large piece 
of metal and struck her boss in the face and head at 
least five times.

As a result, the victim suffered multiple cuts on his face, 
chin, and back of the head. When Dorliae's boss fell to the 
ground in pain, she walked away, only to turn around and 
strike him with the metal piece one last time in the knee, 
according to the complaint.

Dorliae admitted hitting her boss, but said she needed to 
be violent toward him because he was "discriminating," and 
"nit-picking" on her, CBS Minnesota reports.

Dorliae, 25, has been charged with a felony count of 
second-degree assault. If convicted, she faces a maximum 
seven years in prison and/or $14,000 fine, but will 
probably get off a lot easier.

Plus she got fired. That most likely means zero UI money.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Virus coming

Dear Webby!
Is this real?
VIRUS COMING! I received this from a friend so Iâ€™m passing 
it on to you
  
VIRUS COMING!  I received this from a friend so Iâ€™m 
passing it on to you

Hi All,
I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up 
for this virus!  
I checked Snopes, and it is for real.  
Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!  
...
Sandra


Dear Sandra
That is an ancient hoax, that has been coming around since 
the days when you were still jail bait and your mom thought 
you were a good girl.

Norton does not "gear up" for any virus. 
When virus definitions come around from McAfee or Kasperski,
they simply add them to their automatic updates. They don't 
inform certain yahoos about that. It's just daily routine 
for them.

All you have to remember is that real postcards mention the 
name and email address of the sender, not an anonymous class 
mate or no-name family member, 
and real postcards don't have any attachments or anything to 
download. 

Real postcards just give you the pick-up number and pick-up URL, 
and it will be a reputable postcard site, like for 
example http://actioncat.com or http://angeleyes1.com, etc.

Anybody who sends you stupoid fake virus alerts is not only
a moron, but apparently considers you a gullible moron. 
Dump their moron bait, and remember who it was, that 
assumed you were a gullibhle moron.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





For the second time in six weeks a man had fallen off his   
horse and broken some ribs. Coincidentally, the doctor in   
the emergency room at the hospital was the same both times.   

Since there isn't much that can be done for broken ribs, he   
prescribed a pain killer and sent the man on his way.   

As the man turned to leave, he jokingly asked, "Is there   
anything you can recommend for my horse?"   

The doctor paused and thought for a moment, then said, "If   
it were me, I'd get a different rider."  


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bamboo Rod With Coffee Mugs
Save yourself several cup hooks. Instead of one hook for 
each cup, use two to hold a slender rod. I used a disassembled 
bamboo placemat, cost:$1, and it has been used before for 
similar needs.
Slip your cups onto the rod and set it onto the cup hooks. 
I saved one hook on one side of the cabinet and two on the 
side with four cups! The cups can still be used with very 
little effort of carefully lifting an end of the rod off 
one of the hooks and taking the cup(s) off.
My espresso cups are seldom used and take up valuable 
cabinet space so in hanging them for display they are no 
longer in the way!
By melody_yesterday from Otterville, MO	

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________
A sad Bassett Hound was relating his troubles to his friend.   

"I'm really depressed all the time and I think negative   
thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always   
tired."   

"Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend.   

"Well, I would," said the Bassett Hound, "except that I'm   
not allowed on the couch.   
______________________________________________________
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for
window seats for both herself and her husband.

The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from
sitting together.

"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of
quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know*
what I'm requesting!"






The Eulogy of the Pillsbury Doughboy




Today in 
1793 The Louvre Museum, in Paris, opened to the public for 
 the first time. 
1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The 
 expedition was lead by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis. 
 The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of 
 exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory. 
1887 Doc Holliday died at the age of 35. The gun fighting 
 dentist died from tuberculosis in a sanitarium in Glenwood 
 Springs, CO. 
1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity 
 discovered the scientific principle involved and took the 
 first X-ray pictures. 
1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator. 
1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power 
 in Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be 
 known as the "Beer-Hall Putsch." 
1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive 
 order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The organization 
 was designed to create jobs for more than 4 million unemployed 
 people in the U.S. 
1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria. 
1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S. and 
 British forces landed in French North Africa. 
1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle 
 took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot down 
 a North Korean MiG-15. 
1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company 
 decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry Ford's 
 only son. 
1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California. 
1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California 
 announced that they had discovered a 15th moon orbiting the 
 planet Saturn. 
1981 Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek asserted that Egypt was 
 "an African State" that was "neither East nor West". 
1986 Vyacheslav M. Molotov died at age 96. During World War II, 
 Molotov ordered the mass production of bottles filled with 
 flammable liquid later called the "Molotov cocktail." 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop 
 deployments in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000 
 soldiers to the multi-national force fighting against Iraq. 
1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic 
 sanctions on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan 
 civil war. 
1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist 
 violence. 
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make 
 way for the Three Gorges Dam. 
2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the 
 winner of the 2000 U.S. presidential election. 
2000 Waco special counsel John C. Danforth released his 
 final report that absolved the government of wrongdoing in 
 the 1993 siege of the Branch Davidian compound in Texas. 
2014  smiled.

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( 3.1 / 506 )

W7 Log-off sound

Friday, November 7, 2014, 03:26 PM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh man arrested for 
shooting neighbor over dog poop
Detailacs at Boneheads

Today, in 
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was 
 shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying 
 to protect his printing shop from a third destruction. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
--- Henri-Frédéric Amiel
______________________________________________________
The following quotations are taken from official court 
records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing 
it is for recorders to operate at all times in courts of law.

* Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
* Witness: "I only have one, you know."

* Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage 
terminated?"
* Witness: "By death."
* Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

* Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look 
 at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

* Lawyer: "What is your birth day?"
* Witness: "July 15th."
* Lawyer: "What year?"
* Witness: "Every year."

* Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
* Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that 
was stolen from the hall closet."
* Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
* Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it." 
* Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
* Witness: "'Winchester'!"

* Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
* Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

* Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you 
looked like?"
* Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
* Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
* Witness: "Er...his face."

* Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your 
memory at all?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
* Witness: "I forget."
* Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something 
that you've forgotten?"

* Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
* Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
* Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
* Witness: "Forty-five years."

* Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you 
when he woke that morning?"
* Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
* Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
* Witness: "My name is Susan."

* Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
* Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

* Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
* Witness: "After the accident?"
* Lawyer: "Before the accident."
* Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went 
to school for it."

* Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, 
were your red and blue lights flashing?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got 
out of her car?"
* Witness: "Yes, sir."
* Lawyer: "What did she say?"
* Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"

* Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did 
you check for a pulse?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was 
alive when you began the autopsy?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
* Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
* Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive 
nevertheless?"
* Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive 
and practicing law somewhere."

* Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

* Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
* Officer: "Yes, I do."
* Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time 
you had the plaintiff on radar?"
* Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."

* Lawyer: "What happened then?"
* Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you 
can identify me.'"
* Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
* Witness: "No."

* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent 
and honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, 
I'd return the compliment."

* Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, 
is that true?"

* Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"

* Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"

* Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"

* Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"

* Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
* Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"

* Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, 
didn't you?"
* Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
* Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"

* Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize 
that picture."
* Witness: "That's me."
* Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

* Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you 
were sworn in?" 

* Lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
* Witness: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________________________
Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western   
civilization.   

Moses said the law is everything.   
Jesus said love is everything.   
Marx said capital is everything.   
Freud said sex is everything.   
Einstein said everything is relative.   
______________________________________________________
A city slicker  was driving too fast when he  came over a
hill and encountered a flock of chickens in the middle of
the country road.  He slammed on the brakes and scattered
the flock, but ran over the rooster.

Wanting to do the right thing, he stopped at the farmhouse
to report what had happened.  When the old farmer came
to the door, the motorist confessed, "I just ran over your
rooster, but I'm willing to replace him".

"Fine", said the  farmer.  "Let me hear you crow".
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dawn for this picture


Click through for the large picture
Arkansas. Do you see the two people in the picture?
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

goes to


Joshame Sewell,
Floriduh man arrested for 
shooting neighbor over dog poop

A man in Tampa, Florida, is behind bars and accused of 
shooting his neighbor because of an argument over dog poop.

Police said that on October 24 Joshame Sewell, 20, argued 
with his neighbor, Donte Roberson, 30 because Robertson's 
dog defecated in Sewell's yard.

Sewell was so enraged that he allegedly grabbed a rifle and 
shot the dog's owner several times in the leg and once in 
the right hand, MyFoxTampaBay reports.

Then Sewell fled the scene. He managed to elude capture until 
Sunday afternoon, when he was arrested in Belle Glade, 
Florida, nearly 200 miles away, ABC Action News reports.

As of Monday, Sewell was being held at the Palm Beach County 
Jail, awaiting extradition to Hillsborough County, according 
to the Tampa Tribune.

Roberson is recovering at the Tampa General Hospital.

______________________________________________________
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 


Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Change Log-Off sound in Windows 7

Dear Webby!
That really works! I do appreciate the effort you put in 
to find this solution for me. I have been trying for weeks 
but came up with nothing. 

Now..... if I could find a similar solution for the "logoff" 
sound, I would be ecstatic.

Thanks again.

Bill 


Dear Bill
Some say you should be able to do it through the Control Panel,
but that method does not work with my version of W7.
I am still searching for a method, that will work with all
versions of W7.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout
line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset
about something.  She announced,
"As soon as we get home I'm going to run away."

Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let
her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work,
so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't
you just run away from here?"

The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know
my way to grandma's house from here."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Crust Cover from Metal Pie Plate
With the holidays coming and after wasting countless strips 
of aluminum foil just to cover my pie crusts when baking, 
I tried cutting up an old aluminum pie pan to place over 
my pie crusts while baking. It worked!
Use craft scissors and cut cleanly so you leave no sharp 
edges. I would suggest you wear work gloves and possibly 
use needle nose pliers to bend down and crimp closed the 
cut ends after cutting the circle out of the bottom just 
to guarantee no cuts!
I intend to reuse these again and again.
By Dee [160]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________
Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the
latest gadgets for his car.  One day a young man pulled up
alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of
fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!"

Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that
very afternoon.  The next time he saw the VW, it was parked
and the windows seemed to be steamed up.  The man rapped on
a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of
fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too."

The young man gave him a disdainful look and said,
"You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?"
______________________________________________________
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement
came over the campus intercom:
"The students who have parked their cars on the right side
of Circle drive need to move their cars off Circle drive
to facititate snow plowing."

Half an hour later:
"The 2700 students who left to move seventeen cars may 
return to classes now."

They did not hear the second announcement in the pub 
across the street.






Heavy snow looks like this




Today in 
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader in 
 the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony for heresy. 
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated 
 by William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or Tippecanoe). 
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was 
 shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying 
 to protect his printing shop from a third destruction. 
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized 
 as an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly. 
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by 
 Albert H. Hook. 
1893 The state of Colorado granted its women the right to vote. 
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first 
 transcontinental railway in the mountains of British Columbia. 
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The provisional 
 government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown by forces led 
 by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. 
1918 During World War I, a false report through the United Press 
 announced that an armistice had been signed. 
1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from Pennsylvanian 
 "Blue Laws." 
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in Washington 
 state collapsed during a windstorm. The suspension bridge had 
 opened to traffic on July 1, 1940. 
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 person to win a fourth term as president. 
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials. 
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, OH, 
 becoming the first black mayor of a major city. 
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that college 
 students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would lose their 
 draft deferments. 
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of the 
 War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power to wage 
 war without congressional approval. 
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of Justice. 
 The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, including 11 Supreme 
 Court Justices. The Palace had been seized by leftist guerrillas 
 belonging to the April 19 Movement. 
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. He had 
 been president since the country's independence in 1956. 
1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde. 
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia, 
 becoming the first elected African-American state governor 
 in U.S. history. 
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's 
 first African-American mayor. 
1991 Magic Johnson (NBA) announced that he had tested 
 positive for the virus that causes AIDS, and that he was 
 retiring from basketball. 
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow 
 on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution. 
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men admitted 
 to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl. 
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first president's 
 wife to win public office. The state of New York elected her to 
 the U.S. Senate. (New York) 
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched. 
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying.
2014  smiled.

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How to change the Windows 7 start-up sound

Thursday, November 6, 2014, 10:32 AM
Posted by Administrator




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
California woman, who became the dumbest dope ever
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Slap a mask on a drunk and you're going to have trouble. 
It's like having a live reenactment of anonymous forum comments.
--- Randy K. Milholland

When people are free to do as they please, 
they usually imitate each other.
--- Eric Hoffer


A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all
the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass
cases.

When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"
he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled
doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."

Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."


Approaching the counter at a local post office, 
said to the stern-faced woman on the other side,
"Are you the Postmistress?"

"No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam
doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress."


A young woman was driving the speed limit in freeway
traffic. Car after car passed her, so she speeded up.
Still car after car passed her. Suddenly, in the rear view
mirror, she saw the flashing lights of a police cruiser
behind her. She pulled over and rolled down her window. The
patrol officer walked up and asked her,
"Do you know why I stopped you?"

The young woman replied,
"Yes. I was the only slow enough for you to catch!"


"No, you got a burned out tail light."


Thanks to Dad for this picture


Click through for the large picture
Oetztal, Tirol

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

goes to


Sylvia Mahiah, 33, in a California jail now
California woman, who became 
the dumbest dope ever

A California woman who had 27 pounds of methamphetamine 
hidden in her car successfully got through a Customs checkpoint 
last night, but then mistakenly drove her vehicle into a 
lot reserved for suspect vehicles to be examined by federal agents.

During the ensuing search of Sylvia Mashiah’s car, which had 
not been ordered, investigators found 17 packages of meth 
concealed in the 2006 Ford Focus’s rear quarter panels.

The 33-year-old Mashiah, was alone in her car when she 
approached the Otay Mesa Port of Entry at 7:45 PM Monday. 
The border crossing is one of three that connects San Diego 
with Tijuana, Mexico.

As reported in a probable cause statement, Mashiah, a Los 
Angeles resident, was cleared for entry into the U.S. after 
a “primary” inspection. However, she “drove the vehicle to 
the secondary lot where Customs and Border Protection 
Officers inspected the vehicle.”

She probably was planning to park there and wait for her
accomplice to walk across without any dope on her or him.

A “secondary” inspection involves a more thorough questioning 
of the driver, a closer inspection of the vehicle, and a 
canine review of the auto. The “secondary” inspection is 
usually ordered due to the suspicions of the agent who first 
contacted the driver (as well as any passengers).

After tearing apart Mashiah’s Ford, agents found 12.45 kilos 
of methamphetamine. As a result, she was arrested on a 
felony drug importation count, carrying a 
MINIMUM five-year prison term.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 


Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Change start-up sound in Windows 7

Dear Webby!
In XP I had great, IMHO, logon and logoff sounds. I am 
unable to reproduce them in W7.

I right-click on the desktop and select "personalize"/"sounds" 
as the option. Scrolling down to "Logoff" then "Logon", I 
browse to the desired sounds and click "Apply". The sound 
screen window changes from "windows default" to "windows 
default (modified)". 

When I reboot, I still get the barely audible windows sounds. 

I know that this is not a huge problem, but I would love 
to be able to "personalize" my computer sounds.

Thanks.
Bill

Dear Bill
Due to an embarrassing screw-up that method only works 
in the Pakistani version of Windows, but not in the English 
versions, and the Europeans are not happy either.

If you feel comfortable hacking the imagers.dll, which I
do not recommend, then you could do it by following some
complicated instructions. But sometimes that does not work.

Luckily some good people got fed up with that situation
and created a program to do all that for you.

You need to have your new start-up sound ready in .wav format,
not MP3 or MP4 and just renamed to WAV, but actually
converted to WAV.

Then download the Startup-Sound Changer,
and follow the very simple instructions.
PLAY   REPLACE   RESTORE   EXIT
That's all folks!

No, I do not know why Microsoft has to be such a pain in 
the nuisance with even very simple stuff like the start-up 
sound.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Wood Locally
I heat with wood. At first, I was getting it delivered to 
my home, which is 12 miles from town on a mountain, was 
expensive. This winter, I queried neighbors and found 2 
guys on my mountain that are much cheaper. When possible 
buy local, is the tip here.
By Shirley from Tallassee, TN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 


An older friend, recently returned from her home town in
North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard
cemetery since her last visit several years back.
"Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together
now."

"Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never
much worried where they buried someone because everyone was
a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it
seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people
are with their children and grandchildren, instead of
scattered all over."

"You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried
them?"

"Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones.
Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."


A man died and was taken to his place of eternal 
torment by the devil.

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, 
he saw a man he recognized as a politician snuggling 
up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all 
eternity, and that crook gets to spend it with a 
beautiful woman."

"Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with 
his pitchfork.

"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 





The World of Minature Flowers



Today in 
1789 Father John Carroll was appointed as the first Roman 
 Catholic bishop in the United States of America. 
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth 
 president of the United States. 
1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of the 
 Confederacy in the U.S. 
1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. 
1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of 
 Indian miners in South Africa. 
1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of 
 Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres. 
1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver. 
1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll 
 in the Pacific Ocean. 
1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that 
 condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies. The 
 resolution also called for all member states to terminate 
 military and economic relations with South Africa. 
1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow 
 250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971. 
1967 Phil Donahue began a TV talk show in Dayton, OH. The 
 show was on the air for 29 years. 
1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, a 
 mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that march 
 into the nation of Western Sahara. 
1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst, sending 
 a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa Falls Bible 
 College in Georgia. 
1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over 
 northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents 
 to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban 
 resisters to the U.S led invasion. 
1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19 
 Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota. 
1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced 
 in Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to 
 being the head of a family spy ring. 
1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by the 
 Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. had been 
 secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to secure the 
 release of seven American hostages. 
1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, the 
 U.S. announced that it would unfreeze $567 million in Iranian 
 assets that had been held since 1979. 
1995 Mark Messier scored his 500th NHL goal. 
1998 The Islamic militant group Hamas exploded a car bomb 
 killing the two attackers and injuring 21 civilians. 
1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop Britain's 
 queen as their head of state. 
2001 In Madrid, Spain, a car bomb injured about 60 people. The 
 bomb was blamed on Basque separatists. 
2001 Disney's "Mickey's Magical Christmas Snowed In at the 
 House Of Mouse" was released on video and DVD. 
2014  smiled.

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When IE can not display pages

Wednesday, November 5, 2014, 11:20 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 5

Election is over. No surprises.
Barely worth it to crank up Thanksgiving ads now.
Christmas commercials will start any day now.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Massachusets rapist sent to jail without bail
after he cut off his GPS bracelet.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement 
at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. Hagar's great-grandfather 
was there centuries before Columbus found the Caribbean islands.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
--- Bret Harte (1836 - 1902) 


My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen
about his or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest   
historical event that happened during your childhood?"   

"I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied.   

She looked disappointed. 
"That dance was so important to you?" 

I asked her if she knew where the moon is, or if kids
nowadays are totally clueless.


The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and
primary student residence of the small Catholic university
where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's
ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness
experienced by one of the older monks whose order had
founded the college.

"This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The
tradition associated with that building, the memories of all
the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can't
imagine how hard this must be for you."

"It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left my
PalmPilot in there."


Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy!

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote 
in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. the climate 
of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live 
elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they 
made unleavened bread which is bread made without any 
ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 
ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without 
em we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. 
A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around 
giving people advice. His wife killed him. Socrates died 
from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled 
biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields 
of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they 
thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped 
out Tee hee, Brutus.

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized 
by Bernard Shaw.


Thanks to Dawn for this picture


Click through for the large picture
Sedona

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Gregory Lewis, 26, Massachusets
No Bail For Rape Suspect Accused 
Of Cutting Off GPS Monitoring Bracelet

Gregory Lewis, an alleged serial rapist arrested last week 
in Fort Edward after a nationwide manhunt, was arraigned 
Monday in Worcester, Mass., Superior Court.

Lewis was returned Friday to Worcester from Washington County 
to face charges in the case that began his nationwide crime 
spree, a Sept. 15 attack on his stepfather in Southbridge, Mass., 
during which he allegedly took the man's Jeep and fled the state.

Lewis had been charged with the Aug. 6 alleged rape and assault 
of a 13-year-old girl in Southbridge and had an ankle bracelet put 
on him as a condition of his bail, authorities said, 

After assaulting his family Sept. 15 and taking the vehicle, 
Lewis cut off the anklet and tossed it onto the front lawn of 
the rape victim's home and began his alleged multi-state 
crime spree.

Lewis, 26, of Southbridge was arraigned Monday on 17 felony 
counts before Judge James R. Lemire. Lewis pleaded not guilty 
to two counts of rape of a child aggravated by age difference, 
two counts of indecent assault and battery on a child, 
indecent exposure and receiving stolen property in the 
Aug. 6 incident.

In a second indictment opened Monday, dealing with the 
Sept. 15 incident, Lewis faces charges of aggravated 
kidnapping, armed robbery and assault and battery on an 
elderly person as well as larceny, weapons and intimidation 
charges, according to Tim Connolly, spokesman for the 
office of Worcester District Attorney Joseph Early Jr.

Lewis was sent to jail without bail. Another hearing on bail, 
called a dangerousness hearing in Massachusetts, is scheduled 
for Nov. 10, Connolly said.

Following that hearing, if the judge determines Lewis to be 
a danger to the community, he will be returned to jail without 
bail for 90 days, at which time the process would be repeated, 
Connolly said.

Lewis is suspected of committing rapes and other crimes in 
several states over the six-week period he was on the run.

Charges also have been drawn up against Lewis in Denver, Colo., 
according to Lynn Kimbrough, spokeswoman for the Denver 
District Attorney. In that city, Lewis was indicted on charges 
attempted murder, sexual assault, assault and aggravated 
robbery charges. Lewis allegedly made arrangements to meet 
a woman in Denver, then attacked and sexually assaulted her 
and robbed her at gunpoint, Kimbrough said.

Lewis was arrested in Fort Edward late Oct. 28 after he 
crashed a Jeep into the Hudson River while trying to elude 
police. He pointed a gun at a man who went to his aid and 
was tracked down by a sheriff's deputy and his dog, Fort 
Edward police said.

During the next six weeks, police said, Lewis drove around 
the country, robbing and raping female escorts in Colorado, 
Oregon, North Carolina and other states.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: JoAnn
Re: IE can't display pages

Dear Webby!
I found that there are a lot of people having the same 
problem as me and you are my first place to ask for some 
help.
 
I went to the to pay my bill as usual and found this message 
and no matter what I tried, and later my son tried to no 
avail to fix this problem. Robocop is my mail way of going 
to my websites to pay my bills by the way. Has worked for 
Many years. So many that I do not think that my 80 yr. old 
brain can redo the info I have there. That will be another 
story pretty soon.
 
Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage

Anyway, not all sites were not available. Mainly the major 
sites like American Express, Discover,Visa etc. My Chase acct. 
worked fine but my other two banks didn't. I sounded like some 
kind of security thing but we just were not able to get around 
things to correct this. I used Mozilla to get my bills paid. 
I do not know how to go about changing things with the Robocop 
so that it would use the Mozilla automatically.
 
Have you run into this hit and miss site problem recently? 
This started with me some last month but not until November 
have I had this happen as described above with my bank and 
other accounts.
 
I thank you for your attention to my problem.
 
Take care of your eyes!! The rest of you too come to think 
of it.
 
Yours, JoAnn

Dear JoAnn
You are the second subscriber reporting this same problem
this morning.

Since you can get in there with FireFox, just make FireFox 
your default browser. 
Or Chrome.

I have dumped Internet Exploder years ago, for that and a 
few other reasons, and have not missed it even once.

Go to one of those banks with FireFox, 
or Chrome if you prefer.
Click on FILE, SAVE, and save the page to an  easy to find 
spot on your hard drive. 
It's OK to jog all the way up to C:\

Right-click START, 
Windows File Explorer
look for that saved file
Right-click it
Choose Default Program (at the bottom of the choices)

There you see all the browsers, that you have installed.
Choose FireFox or Chrome

That's all there is to it.
From now on the computer will use your chosen browser for 
that type of file.

Keep in mind, banks sometimes use shtm or other file name 
extensions, not just .htm, and you might have to do the 
same, once, for all the different types of file names 
they use. 

You can also go after that preference through the control 
panel, but that is a bit more  confusing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the
priest's much-loved roses.

"Not bad," said the priest. "But they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to
increase his garden knowledge.

"Nuns with scissors."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Halloween Candy After Halloween

I asked my husband last night, what is the best time to 
buy Halloween candy, and he said the day after Halloween. 
I had to laugh because that is "All Saints Day."
By Carol L. from South Bend, IN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

The latest telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor's office,
asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration
 is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa"


A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside
with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon
went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead.
Could you be saying a mass for the creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an
animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down
the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do
something for the animal."

Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is
enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was
Catholic?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              





Great pictures of food










Today in 
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed 
 when he was captured before he could blow up the English 
 Parliament.
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful 
 cataract operation at the Zoological Garden. 
1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for 
 attempting to vote in the presidential election. She never 
 paid the fine. 
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for 
 an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years 
 later. 
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli. 
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented 
 third term in office. 
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of 
 Representatives at the age of 29. 
1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re-opened. 
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during 
 the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later. 
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement 
 at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. 
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of 
 weapons to Iran. 
1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving 
 24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced 
 to life for treason. 
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong 
 evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child 
 (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was shot 
 to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin, 
 Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and 
 was sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World 
 Trade Center bombing. 
1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in 
 Detroit during a struggle with police. Two officers were 
 later convicted in his death and sentenced to prison. 
1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had 
 Alzheimer's disease. 
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight 
 champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th 
 round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV. 
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed 
 up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town. 
1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that 
 Microsoft Corp. enjoyed "monopoly power". 
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer 
 Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint 
 venture specializing in airline services. 
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 
 13 people and wounded 30 others.
2014  smiled.

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How to zoom fonts

Tuesday, November 4, 2014, 10:25 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 4

If you are in the US, get out and vote!
If you are in Illinois, vote early and vote often!
If you are in Florida, vote and try again a few times.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
man in Florida arrested wearing 
'Go Directly to Jail' t-shirt
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran 
 and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The 
 militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send 
 the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages 
 were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
--- Rita Mae Brown

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
--- Laurence J. Peter

"According to a new study, polar bears will probably be ex-   
tinct by the year 2050. So enjoy eating them while you can."   
--- Dave Letterman


Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. 
Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow 
a quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. 
He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the 
quarter.

Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the 
quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes 
his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns 
his modest winnings into a million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the
lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He
tells his audiences that he will always be eternally
grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, 
he will share his fortune with him.

After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up 
and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the 
quarter."

"Yes, I ! remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm
looking for. I am looking for the guy who left the stall 
door open!"


The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman   
he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal.   

He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a   
token of his affection every day for a month to her house.   

The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love   
with the UPS man.   


On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a   
senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-   
ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into   
them.   

"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?"   
I joked.   

"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.   

"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a   
lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would   
extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"   

"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion   
would blow out the match."   


Thanks to Dawn for this picture


Click through for the large picture
Oak Mountain State Park Alabama

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Micah Dailey, 20, of Cape Coral, Floriduh
Man arrested wearing 'Go Directly to Jail' t-shirt

A man from Florida was arrested while wearing a Monopoly-
themed t-shirt with the words 'Go Directly to Jail' 
printed across it.

Micah Dailey was dressed accordingly for his mugshot 
after being nabbed for possession of marijuana of no more 
than 20 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia, 
according to the Lee County Sheriff's Department.

Unfortunately for the suspect, he didn't have a 
get-out-of-jail-free card in his back pocket and was 
instead forced to post $6,500 bail.

"It had an element of humor to it," Sgt. Scott Lineberger 
told The New York Daily News, which first reported the story.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Ruth
Re: Zooming fonts

Dear Webby!
You write about zoomable fonts as if everbody knew how
to zoom them. Maybe you explained that at one time, but
that must have been before I subscribed.
Can you please tell us again?
Ruth

Dear Ruth
On most browsers like Chrome or FireFox, you just hold down
CTRL and turn the scroll wheel on the mouse.
On Internet Explorer you hold down CTRL and hit the 
+ or the - on the keyboard.

CTRL and + and - work on Chrome and FireFox too, but are 
rather klutzy compared to just using CTRL and the scroll 
wheel.

CTRL plus Scroll Wheel zooms pictures too, not just fonts.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation,
and she goes into labor!"

The second one looks at the first and says, "What do
you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Halloween Candy After Halloween

I asked my husband last night, what is the best time to 
buy Halloween candy, and he said the day after Halloween. 
I had to laugh because that is "All Saints Day."
By Carol L. from South Bend, IN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School,
each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do
you think about all this devil business we studied today?"

The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."


One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set
up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I
conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield
casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had
applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate
different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said
to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What
would you do with him?"
A reply from the back of the class: "Make him an officer!"






Ribbons










Today in 
1846 A patent for an artificial leg to Benjamin Palmer.
1847 Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered 
 the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 
1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. 
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the 
 lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. 
1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality 
 stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy 
 allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents. 
1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first 
 air-conditioned car was put on display. 
1942 During World War II, Axis forces retreated from El 
 Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for the 
 British.
1952 In the United States, the National Security Agency 
 (NSA) was established. 
1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress the 
 uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956. 
1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to 
 exceed 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph. 
1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran 
 and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The 
 militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send 
 the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages 
 were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 
1981 The second scheduled flight of the space shuttle Columbia 
 was canceled with only 31 seconds left in the countdown. 
1984 Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years. 
1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of East 
 Berlin in a pro-democracy rally. 
1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight 
 a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait. 
1991 Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in Simi 
 Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by President 
 Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter, Gerald R. Ford 
 and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st gathering of 5 U.S. 
 chief executives. 
1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, was 
 assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after attending 
 a peace rally. 
1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against the 
 Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The sanctions 
 were imposed because the Taliban had refused to turn over 
 Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with masterminding the 
 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. 
2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and thousands 
 of homes. The United States made the gesture of sending 
 humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba received the 
 first commercial food shipment from the U.S. in nearly 40 years. 
2014  smiled.

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Zoomable Fonts

Monday, November 3, 2014, 01:50 PM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 3

Thank you, Dennis!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Alabama Subway Robber, who claimed 
failed 'Jared Diet' as excuse
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was 
 the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and 
 was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named 
 Laika. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Human beings are the only creatures that allow their 
children to come back home.
--- Bill Cosby (1937 - )  


During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale
made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate
lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed,

"US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie'
taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's
difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!"

Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew,

"You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You
stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to
go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You
got that, US Air 2771?"

The humbled crew responded,

"Yes, Ma'am."

The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to
engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in
every cockpit at La Guardia was running high.

Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked,

"Wasn't I almost married to you once?"


Official sign near door:
    Door Alarmed.

Handprinted sign nearby:
    Window frightened.


A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi
just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,
"Perfect timing. You're just like Vince."

"Who?"

"Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my
coming along when you needed a cab. It would have
happened like that to Vince every single time."

"There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on
the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang
like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"He was something, huh?"

"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's
birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He
could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the
whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him."

"Well, I never actually met Vince."

"Then how do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow."


Thanks to Dawn for this picture


Click through for the large picture

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Zachary Torrance, 18, Hueytown, Alabama
Alabama Subway Robber, who claimed 
failed 'Jared Diet' as excuse

A man accused of robbing four Alabama Subway sandwich shops 
allegedly confessed he wanted revenge as a disgruntled 
customer. He was mad that the "Jared Diet" didn't work for 
him and wanted his money back, according to police.

Zachary Torrance, 18, was arrested Thursday night and 
charged with first-degree robbery for a robbery the previous 
day at the Hueytown Subway.

Torrance allegedly entered the store around 8:42 p.m. and 
demanded the cashier open the register, according to a post 
on the Hueytown Police Department's Facebook page.
Surveillance video shows a man later identified as Torrance 
taking money from the register and fleeing the store.

Torrance was arrested after a citizen saw the robbery 
footage and recognized the suspect from shopping at the 
Hueytown Walmart.

Hueytown police tracked down Torrance, who was wearing 
the same clothes and shoes as the robbery suspect, 
Alabamas13.com reports.
Hueytown Police Chief Chuck Hagler said Torrance admitted 
to the Hueytown holdup, and gave a bizarre motive.

"I don't know if he was kidding or not, but he said he had 
tried the Jared diet and it hadn't worked for him so he 
wanted his money back,'' Hagler told Al.com.

The "Jared Diet" Torrance allegedly mentioned is a weight-loss 
plan created by Jared Fogle, who, in 1998 and 1999, went 
from 425 pounds to 180 pounds with a daily diet that focused 
on two low-fat sandwiches purchased at Subway. He famously 
appeared in commercials for Subway touting his physical 
transformation.

Torrance is currently in the Jefferson County Jail on 
$250,000.

Torrance is suspected of robbing three other Subways in 
Birmingham, Midfield and Adamsville, and will be charged 
for those robberies at a later date.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Jay
Re: Zoomable fonts

Dear Webby!
I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster
insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right.
Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can
hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you
make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you
suggest.
Jay

Dear Jay
Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a 
web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The 
same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks 
OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will 
bite you sooner or later.

I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your
site properly, instead of implying that your computer is 
not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. 
When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, 
and that can't be zoomed to a decent size,
I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a
hunch most people browse that way.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




This is a real oldie, from the days when Windows came 
on a stack of floppy disks.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a   
Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.   

Customer: "I brought my Windows  disks from work to install   
them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are   
"not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy   
slide.   

Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"   

Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't
initialized."   

Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"   

Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a   
Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"   

Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"   

Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks   
appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work,   
and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to   
format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for   
the whole office. Did I do something wrong?" 


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
George Forman Grill to Make Bear Paws

I have little counter space so everything on it has to be 
a useful appliance! I regularly make grilled cheese or 
grilled vegetables on an open George Forman grill or 
zucchini fritters on it. This weekend, I decided to try 
to make waffles!
I just used my Bisquick for the batter and poured a small 
circle onto the upper portion of the heated grill and let 
it run down the grill a bit. Don't add too much! I did close 
it and turned the waffles after the top was slightly browned 
in some areas.
They turned out looking like Bear Paws to me so that's what I 
now call them! You could name them Pet Paws or Monster Claws.
By Dee [157]

http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.   

The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the   
earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons."   

The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks,   
"Are they an emerging intelligence?"   

The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them   
aimed at themselves."   


A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious
patient. 

"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the
caller said. 

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. 

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette." 






7 Wonders to Modern World










Today in 
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of 
 Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the 
 Mona Lisa. 
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to 
 dedicate himself to the conversion of Native Americans 
 to Christianity. 
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
 China did not want Opium Trade, Britain demanded it, and won.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at 
 LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger. 
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia. 
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis 
 Chevrolet and William C. Durant. 
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the 
 Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S. 
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was 
 the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and 
 was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named 
 Laika. 
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. 
 On March 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach 
 the planet Mercury. 
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot 
 to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally 
 in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded. 
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first 
 broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the 
 release of seven American hostages. The story turned 
 into the Iran-Contra affair. 
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of 
 arms to Iran. 
1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their 
 first-ever face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain. 
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning 
 her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that 
 the children had been abducted by a black carjacker. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington 
 National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of 
 Pan Am Flight 103. 
1998 A state-run newspaper in Iraq urged the country to prepare 
 to battle "the U.S. monster." 
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro 
 wrestler, as its governor. 
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution 
 was unveiled.
2014  smiled.

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Tame the icon chaos

Sunday, November 2, 2014, 08:00 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 2

Thank you, Jim!

Fall back an hour. We are on winter time now,
same as Europe.
Except Saskatchewan and parts of Arizona.
As far as I am concerned, we could happily stay on summer 
time. I am really not looking forward to all the snow 
shoveling. Last night during my walk, it snowed. 

Dad told me on Skype yesterday, that some of the ski slopes 
there are opening, and the resorts are clamoring for 
waitresses and chambermaids. Usually those people don't
show up until the last week of December, so now there is
major panic. Gullible warming is definitely over. 
Many of the lifts and cablecars and chair lifts are running,
but the thousands of hotels and pensions are still dark.
I guess they will just have to hire their staff for November
for the next 25 0 30 years until the next Gullible Warming
part of the cycles.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texas woman tried to force fellatio on victim
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden 
 airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the 
 plane's first and only flight.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Discretion is not the better part of biography.
--- Lytton Strachey (1880 - 1932) 

Let everyone sweep in front of his own door 
and the whole world will be clean. 
--- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe


"You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How
old are you again?"

"I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How
do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old."

"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got
married that whenever she got mad she would go into
the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to
settle down." the man explained.

"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.

"I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."


Early one morning, my husband, who works in a
funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe
abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room,
where tests were performed to determine the
source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick
for him until we knew what was wrong. When the
results came back, the nurse informed us that,
true to our suspicions, he was suffering from
a kidney stone.

I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you
like me to call the funeral home now?"

With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me
and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!"


A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid,
some questions about different products he uses.

MSS - Which shaving cream do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Which aftershave do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Which deodorant do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Which toothpaste do you use?
Dan - Baba's
MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'?
Is it an international company?
Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate.


Thanks to Dawn for this picture


Click through for the large picture

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Megan Hoelting, 31, Williamson County, Texas
Texas woman tried to force fellatio on victim

A Texas woman walked into the home of a male friend of her 
husband’s and sexually assaulted the man while he was 
sleeping, police allege.

According to court records, Megan Davis Hoelting, 31, entered 
the victim’s Williamson County residence Monday night 
through an unlocked gate.

Once inside the property, Hoelting, who was wearing a nightgown,
went into the man’s bedroom, where he was sleeping. A felony 
criminal complaint charges that Hoelting fondled the man’s 
genitals and attempted to “perform fellatio upon him.”

The man told a Williamson County Sheriff’s Office deputy that 
he “awoke to the feeling of an unknown party on top of him,” 
adding that he “felt the offender placed his penis in her mouth.” 

Aided by a flashlight application on his cell phone, the 
victim recognized Hoelting, whose breasts were exposed, 
as “his friend’s wife.” He directed her to leave the 
residence, but when Hoelting refused to leave, he dialed 911.

During subsequent questioning, Hoelting reportedly admitted 
getting into the victim’s bed, where she “kissed him and 
wrapped her legs around his waist.” Hoelting added that she 
was wearing a nightgown when she entered the home, but 
removed the garment and was “wearing only panties when she 
got into the bed”, with the victim’s knowledge.

Hoelting, seen in the above mug shot, was arrested on a 
felony charge of burglarizing a home with the intent of 
committing a sexual assault. She was booked Monday night 
into the county lockup, where she remains in custody.

Jail records show that Hoelting has been arrested three 
other times this month. On October 14 she was busted for 
theft. Two days later she was jailed for assault, and 
on October 21 she was collared for public intoxication. 


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Earline
Re: Icon Chaos

Dear Webby
I got total icon chaos on my desktop and quite frequently
can't find an icon, that I need. Windows seems to dump
the occasional one now and then, when I am not looking, 
and other times moves them around.
Yeah, I know, changing the resolution totally trashes the
desktop, but even when I don't, some icons always disappear.
Whqat is the Master's trick to get that under control?
Earline

Dear Earline
You could make desktop folders and drag icons into them,
but they are usually a nuisance, becasue you can't see
what is in them, and icons in them seem to disappear too.

On Linux you have "shelves" for different categories of
icons. You can arrange your icons similarly.
First, to reduce the disappearance of icons, move them 
all away from the edge. Those are the most endangered ones.

Next get or paint a bookshelf, and enlarge the picture to
the number of pixels of resolution you got set. 
Label each shelf with a category or topic, for  example
Tools, Music, Movies, Recipes, Receipts, Orders, etc.

Make that picture the desktop wallpaper.

Now move all icons onto the shelves, where they belong.

You can't reduce the shelves to an icon like in Linux, 
but at least you will have the chaos under control.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed 
several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin 
designed to look like an apple.

I asked one nurse what the pin signified.

"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the 
doctors away."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
String Cheese Witch Brooms

In an effort to offer multiple healthy treats at my 
daughter's Halloween party, we set up a station to make 
string cheese witch brooms. We set out a bowl of stick 
pretzels, a plate of string cheese (pre-cut), and plastic 
knives for them to cut the broom bristles. These are 
easy enough for even younger kids to make. :)
By lalala... [513]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended
a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at
least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking
the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love
you so much we decided to bring another child into this
family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband
came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I
decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she wash, iron, 
and cook?"


Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork
and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and
father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son.
Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people
babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.
Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork
is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will
be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy
to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate:
their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly
before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where
he's been all night.

The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the crap
out of college students!"






7 Wonders to Modern World










Today in 
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed 
 his title to emperor. 
1867 "Harpers Bazaar" magazine was founded. 
1883 Thomas Edison got a patent for an electrical indicator 
 using the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat. 307,031). 
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car 
 contest
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed 
 support for a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine. 
1920 The first commercial radio station in the U.S., 
 KDKA of Pittsburgh, PA, began regular broadcasting. 
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia. 
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic 
 rubber. It was named DuPrene. 
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden 
 airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the 
 plane's first and only flight. The "Spruce Goose," 
 nicknamed because of the white-gray color of the spruce 
 used to build it, never went into production. 
1960 In London, the novel "Lady Chatterly's Lover," was 
 found not guilty of obscenity. 
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was 
 assassinated in a military coup. 
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to 
 apply for permanent residence in the U.S. 
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New 
 Jersey prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for 
 the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper. 
1983 U.S. President Ronald Reagan signed a bill establishing 
 a federal holiday on the third Monday of January in honor of 
 civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed in 
 the U.S. since 1962. She had been convicted of the poisoning 
 death of her boyfriend. 
1985 The South African government imposed severe restrictions 
 on television, radio and newspaper coverage of unrest by both 
 local and foreign journalists. 
1989 Carmen Fasanella retired after 68 years and 243 days of 
 taxicab service in Princeton, NJ. 
1992 Magic Johnson retired from the NBA again, this time for 
 good because of fear due to his HIV infection. 
1993 The U.S. Senate called for full disclosure of Senator Bob 
 Packwood's diaries in a sexual harassment probe. 
2001 The computer-animated movie "Monsters, Inc." opened. 
 The film recorded the best debut ever for an animated film 
 and the 6th best of all time. 
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the 
 church's first openly gay bishop.
2014  smiled.

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What does SMTP stand for?

Saturday, November 1, 2014, 12:00 PM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NM burglar, who forgot to flush
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to 
 demonstrate on November 4 and to expand their attacks 
 against the U.S. and Israel. On November 4, Iranian 
 militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 
 63 Americans hostage. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; 
now what's going to happen to us 
with both a Senate and a House?
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

"We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl   
would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it   
stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime.   
By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." 
---- Gene Perret  


The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the   
amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for   
the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago),   
but because nobody else could use the phone.   

So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for   
her with her own private number and directory listing.   

Two or three days after her telephone had been installed,   
he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with   
her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the   
family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently   
on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he   
yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?"   

"I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my   
phone."   


Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of
the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his
wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it
means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the
grocery store!"

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom
decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice
President of prunes?"

The clerk replied, "Dried or canned?"


A college senior took his new girlfriend to the Super Bowl.  The
young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were
watching the action.

A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the
field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a
good look at that fellow.  I expect him to be our best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest
way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl.  Regardless of
how you said it, I accept!"


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture


Click through for the large picture
Our sun

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Ramon Herrera
Burglar nabbed using DNA after he 
forgot to flush

A New Mexico burglar who broke into a vacationing family's 
home has been nabbed with the help of DNA he left behind 
after downing a can of Coke and then using the toilet and 
failing to flush.

Ramon Herrera, 33, is accused of stealing $250,000 from 
a home in Albuquerque in September.
Police combed the scene and found a can of Coca-Cola with 
a note that read 'Sorry.' By then the thief had fled the 
scene, but cops found what was left of his soda.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, the homeowners found 
their sliding back door smashed when they arrived home.
The homeowners also discovered footprints leading out to a 
field and a sweatshirt stashed behind a wall near the house.
Police swabbed the can of Coke and also a flashlight that 
had been left behind.

Lucky for them, investigators didn't need to swab the sullied 
toilet.
'(The detective) failed to collect any samples from the used 
toilet,' says a court filing.
What they did collect, authorities say led them to Ramon. 
He was booked on charges of residential burglary and larceny 
over $20,000.
Herrera has since pleaded not guilty. 

Considering that his DNA and fingerprints were on file, he is
apparently not new at this.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Dianne
Re: What does SMTP stand for

So what does SMTP stand for… its an abbreciation of some kind, rite????
Dianne

Dear Dianne
It stands for Simple Mail Transport Protocol
and goes back to about 20 years before Windows.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Taking his seat in his chambers,  the judge faced the opposing
lawyers.  "So," he said,  "I have been presented, by both
of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

"You, attorney Leon, gave me  $15,000.  And you, attorney
Campos, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check.
He handed it to Leon.

"Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide
this case solely on its merits!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Your Jack-O-Lanterns 3-D

When carving that face into your pumpkin this year, why 
not give it a 3-D effect. Use the pieces that you remove 
to create a tongue, ears, or even a ponytail. Simply attach 
the 3-d pieces with a toothpick. Be creative and have fun!

By lalala... [502]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED
they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the
responsibility.

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do
you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked
after it?"

After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically,
"Once?"


The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us   
grows best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade.   

"For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun,   
but fuchsias thrive in the shade."   

After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached   
him.   

"Your sermon did me so much good," she said.   

Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added,   
"I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias."   






Spiral Staicases










Today in 
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine 
 Chapel were first exhibited to the public. They were not 
 prudified until the 1980s and 1990s.
1604 "Othello," the tragedy by William Shakespeare, was 
 first presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 
1611 "The Tempest," Shakespeare's romantic comedy, was first 
 presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 
1755 At least 60,000 people were killed in Lisbon, Portugal 
 by an earthquake, its aftershocks and the ensuing tsunami. 
1765 The British Parliament enacted The Stamp Act in the 
 American colonies. The act was repealed in March of 1766 
 on the same day that the Parliament passed the Declaratory 
 Acts which asserted that the British government had free 
 and total legislative power of the colonies. 
1800 U.S. President John Adams became the first president 
 to live in the White House when he moved in. 
1848 The first medical school for women, founded by Samuel 
 Gregory, opened in Boston, MA. 
1856 The first photography magazine, Daguerreian Journal, 
 was published in New York City, NY. 
1864 The U.S. Post Office started selling money orders. 
 The money orders provided a safe way to payments by mail. 
1870 The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological 
 observations using 24 locations that provided reports via 
 telegraph. 
1879 Thomas Edison executed his first patent application 
 for a high-resistance carbon filament (U.S. Pat. 223,898). 
1894 Russian Emperor Alexander III died. 
1911 Italy used planes to drop bombs on the Tanguira oasis 
 in Libya. It was the first aerial bombing. 
1936 Benito Mussolini made a speech in Milan, Italy, in 
 which he described the alliance between Italy and Nazi 
 Germany as an "axis" running between Berlin and Rome. 
1940 "A Night in the Tropics" was released. It was the 
 first movie for Abbott and Costello. 
1949 In Washington, 55 people were killed when a fighter 
 plane hit an airliner. 
1950 Two Puerto Rican nationalists tried to assassinate 
 U.S. President Harry Truman. One of the men was killed 
 when they tried to force their way into Blair House in 
 Washington, DC. 
1952 The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb 
 on Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall Islands. 
1954 Algeria began to rebel against French rule. 
1963 The USSR launched Polyot I. It was the first satellite 
 capable of maneuvering in all directions and able to 
 change its orbit. 
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to 
 demonstrate on November 4 and to expand their attacks 
 against the U.S. and Israel. On November 4, Iranian 
 militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 
 63 Americans hostage. 
1985 In the village of Ignacio Aldama, 22 members of a 
 Mexican anti-narcotics squad were killed by alleged drug 
 traffickers. 
1989 Tens of thousands of refugees fled to the West when 
 East Germany reopened its border with Czechoslovakia. 
1989 Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega announced the end 
 of a cease-fire with the Contra rebels. 
1998 Nicaraguan Vice President Enrique Bolanos announced 
 that between 1,000 and 1,500 people were buried in a 
 32-square mile area below the slopes of the Casita volcano 
 in northern Nicaragua by a mudslide caused by Hurricane Mitch. 
1998 Iridium inaugurated the first handheld, global satellite 
 phone and paging system.
2014  smiled.

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What is an SMTP?

Friday, October 31, 2014, 08:35 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee dope, who claimed to be Washington Denzel, 
when he was arrested
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





There's always somebody who is paid too much, 
and taxed too little - 
and it's always somebody else.
--- Cullen Hightower 


>From Nanarina
Med school entrance exam
When I was young my intent was to go to an American medical 
school, but I was confused by the entrance exam.

One of the questions was, "Rearrange the letters  
P N E S I  to spell an important part of the human body 
that is more useful when erect."
 
Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.
 
The rest ended up in Congress.


>From Sarah
Your joke about the wrong side of the confessional reminded 
me of this:

In the Jewish faith we have the custom of Tashlich, where 
people take crumbs and throw them into a river or other 
body of water to symbolize throwing away one's sins and 
starting the new year fresh.

However, times have changed...

Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread 
is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious 
sensitivity. Instead, consider these options this year 
for Rosh Hashanah:

For ordinary sins, use White Bread
For exotic sins, French Bread
For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
For complex sins, Multi-grain
For twisted sins, Pretzels
For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision, Waffles
For sins committed in haste, Matzah
For sins of chutzpah, Bread that's fresh
For substance abuse, Poppy Seed
For committing arson, Toast
For committing auto theft, Caraway
For being ill tempered, Sourdough
For silliness, Nut Bread
For jingoism,Yankee Doodles
For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread
For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread
For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts
For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls
For immodest dressing, Tarts
For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes
For promiscuity, Hot Buns
For being holier than thou, Bagels
For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
For trashing the environment, Dumplings
For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf
For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake
For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake
For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread
For inhaling, Stoned Wheat

Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.


A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which
had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he
took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the
hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of
learnin' are you teachin'?"

"Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at
the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic."

"What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith...
what did you say?"

"'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in
geometry, algebra and trigonometry."

"Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs.
He's the worst darn shot in the family."




Click through for the large picture
Mighty hunter

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Catherine Butler, 
Tennessee dopey claims to be 
Denzel Washington during arrest

A Tennessee man being arrested on charges of illegal 
marijuana possession told police he was Academy Award-
winning actor Denzel Washington.

Officers told 21-year-old Justin Lee Seay of Memphis he 
wasn't fooling anyone — and quickly found that he had 
violated his probation on a separate case.

The Daily News Journal reported that police arrested Seay 
on Monday night after responding to a complaint of noise 
at his apartment.
While being arrested, police say, Seay declared he was 
Washington. His real identity surfaced after police 
booked him.

Officers say they found several bags of marijuana inside 
the apartment.

Seay is being held in the Rutherford County Jail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Elsa
Re: What IS an SMTP

Dear Webby
You are throwing fancy terms around without explaining 
what they are. What IS an SMTP ?
Elsa

Dear Elsa
If you use "real" email, not just web mail, then you have
a POP server for IN-coming mail, and an SMTP server, that
accepts your OUT-going mail.
With web mail, like Gmail, you don't have those, since 
everything stays on the web.

With traditional email you pull all the mail down into your 
computer, and you can read it later, even when you are not
connected to the net at that time. You can also write all 
your mails at the beach, and then fire them out in a few 
seconds when you visit McDonalds. Or, you could answer and 
write your emails at homme, and fire them out when you get 
to work and can use the company's WiFi.

POP email programs are usually called "Full Featured" email
programs. Web mail programs are rather skimpy by comparison,
because there the program sits on the cloud and you have to
access the program via the net, at the same time as Millions
of others also  try to do that.

The main function of the SMTP server is to authenticate you,
and to make sure nobody sends mail out while pretending to 
be you. Once you are safely authenticated, you can fire out
all of your emails instantly. The SMTP server puts the
time and date stamp on it, your IP number and fills out
the complete invisible header data. 

Many ISPs force their victims to use the ISP's name 
after the @ in the address. For example, if I was to use 
the SMTP of Telus, I would have to change my address to
humor78934@telus.net. Since that is not good enough for me,
I am using the SMTP server at Webby.com and can continue
to use humor@webby.com

If I didn't have Webby.com, I would go to SMTP2GO.COM,
and use their SMTP server, so that I could continue to
use my address.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home
at this time of the night?"

Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m?!"

Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sharpen Kitchen Knives with a Belt

I learned this in my woodcarving club and it is valuable 
for our kitchen knives as well.
You can use the "back" of a real leather belt to sharpen 
knives!
This description is for the NON serrated blades only 
(the straight edged ones) although it could be used on a 
serrated blade as well if you keep your knife pinned flat 
down on the belt.
No need to wet the belt nor knife. 
Just lie the belt on a flat surface. Lie the knife FLAT 
down with your fingers BEHIND the blade and pull AWAY from 
the sharp part of the blade!! 
AWAY FROM THE SHARP side!!!!!!! That's important! You will 
dull the knife the other way.
Doing this will rub off any burrs or bumpy edges of the blade, 
resharpening it. 
Flip the knife to the other side then pull it AWAY from the 
blade side in that direction to finish it up.
Don't use your finger to test the sharpness!!!!
If you must test, woodcarvers will LIGHTLY touch their finger 
nail on the blade. You can tell if it's sharp by the feel of 
the knife on your nail.
Note: Don't try to rub the knife back and forth like an olden 
day barber in the movies! That can cause the knife edge to 
create a ROLL of metal on the edge of the knife blade, dulling it.
By Dee [156]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his 
favorite restaurant and ordered lunch.

A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip.

When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his
"generosity" and she said she could tell the character of 
a diner by the way he tipped.

"Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked.

"You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and
that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me
you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a
bachelor."

"That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell
you?"

"The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too."


CONGRESS EMBRACES INTERNET TECHNOLOGY IN
CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM
Priceline.com's stock soared and Ebay created an entire new
section on their online auction site to accommodate the US
Congress' overhaul of campaign financial law.

Nancy Pelosi, in a speech from Capitol Hill, praised 
fellow politician's choice to "name your own price" for
Congressional influence. "This is significant legislation that
will turn around a stagnant economy by pouring millions into
politicians' pockets."

In the new law, private citizens will be able to log onto
Priceline.com and "name their own price" to influence a
member of the House.

Citizens wishing to purchase a Senator still need to log on
to Ebay, but need to be aware that Senators don't stay bought.






Height Difference










Today in 
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the 
 Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the 
 Protestant Reformation in Germany. 
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers 
 (Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis 
 resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been 
 damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the 
 stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini 
 had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and 
 their ability to withstand hard blows. 
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain 
 prevented Germany from invading Britain. 
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of 
 work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George 
 Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham 
 Lincoln were finished. 
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a 
 German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered 
 World War II. More than 100 men were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a 
 revolt against French rule. 
1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not marry 
 Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend. 
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land 
 an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first 
 person to set foot on the South Pole. 
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth, 
 TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the 
 time he was in Moscow, Russia. 
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all 
 U.S. bombing of North Vietnam. 
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as 
 Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. 
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain. 
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the 
 U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had 
 mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated 
 near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, 
 Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister. 
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns 
 had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles 
 Taylor were blamed for the murders. 
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72
  plunged into a northern Indiana farm. 
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to 
 life in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder 
 in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released 
 after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter. 
1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with 
 U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the 
 country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's 
 invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, 
 MA, killing all 217 people aboard. 
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran 
 Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of 
 Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal 
 dispute over the nature of faith and salvation. 
2001 Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a 
 tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against 
 the software company.
2014  smiled.

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( 3 / 663 )

Magic SMTP

Thursday, October 30, 2014, 10:03 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 30

Thank you, Roy!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NY woman arrested for DWI twice in 3 hours
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 
 percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The world is full of willing people, 
some willing to work, 
the rest willing to let them.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)  


Free beer for workers who finish timesheets 
MINNEAPOLIS (UPI) -- A Minneapolis ad agency is encouraging 
employees to fill out their timesheets with a machine that 
trades a completed sheet for a free glass of beer. 

The Tapserver at Minneapolis firm Colle + McVoy asks employees 
to scan their keycards and the system then verifies that the 
worker's time sheet has been completed. The worker is rewarded 
with their choice of beer from the machine's "multi-keg beer 
deployment system," which includes several different brews. 

"The technology used includes several Arduinos, a Node-based 
server, solenoids and a Raspberry Pi. The software was written 
to tie seamlessly with Colle + McVoy's timekeeping application," 
the company said. 

The company said timesheet completion has improved by 90 %
since the machine was deployed. 


>From Bill
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get   
our marriage license. After recording the vital information;   
names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license   
and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."   


We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, 
and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. 
At one point, our minister had the children gather at the 
altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began 
by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?" 

There was silence.

Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one 
you can move diagonally."




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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Catherine Butler, 
NY woman arrested for DWI 
twice in 3 hours

On Saturday morning, police in Gates, New York, arrested 
Catherine Butler twice in three hours for DWI.

Butler, 26, was first arrested around 2 a.m. for DWI and 
for operating a vehicle without headlights.

A friend picked her up at the police station and took her 
home.

Less than three hours later, Butler was allegedly caught 
swerving on a local road and charged a second time with 
DWI, WHEC.com reports.

Police said Butler's blood alcohol level was .11 percent 
the first time and .09 percent the second time. Both were 
above the legal limit of .08 percent, 13WHAM.com reports.

Police said the second DWI marked Butler's fourth arrest 
for driving drunk. The other two were in 2006 and 2011.

Despite the earlier arrests, police said Butler had a 
valid driver's license because her earlier DWI charges 
were reduced to impaired driving, allowing her to keep 
driving legally.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Magic SMTP

Dear Webby
What is the name of the magic SMTP company, that allows you
to use your own domain name for the SMTP, even if your ISP
does not allow that?
Chris

Dear Chris
It's http://smtp2go.com
They have free accounts for low volume mail and paid accounts
fro large companies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old
son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, 
where a seagull lay dead in the sand. 

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. 

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. 

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him 
back down?" 


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Cheese

To keep cheese fresh, upon arriving home from the market 
take out the cheese and wrap first in wax paper and use 
tape to make it snug. Then wrap in plastic wrap. Mark each 
pkg with the type and date purchased. Then freeze what you 
don't think you'll use somewhat quickly. This maybe a pain 
to do but it sure beats throwing out moldy cheese and 
pouring money down the drain.
Also, keep your Saran Wrap in the fridge as it dramatically 
helps it come out smoother and is easy to "handle".
By Jeffs pics [2]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in   
rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when   
a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the   
trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers   
explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way.   

They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming   
toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she   
said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench   
crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"   


One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to   
my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor   
husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me!   
My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard   
me say a bad word about about him?"   






Norman Rockwell Museum/a>










Today in 
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established 
 by Simon Bolivar. 
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton 
 County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave 
 uprising in American history. 
1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote. 
1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman 
 Silver Purchase Act of 1890. 
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper of 
 Rochester, NY. 
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio. 
 The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live 
 news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among 
 listeners. 
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing. 
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace 
 Prize. 
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of 
 approximately 58 megatons. 
1961 The Soviet Party Congress unanimously approved an order 
 to remove Joseph Stalin's body from Lenin's tomb. 
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to 
 increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion. 
1972 In Illinois, 45 people were killed when two trains 
 collided on Chicago's south side. 
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator 
 Francisco Franco was near death. 
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline 
 "Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. 
 President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed 
 federal bailout of New York City. 
1982 Portugal's constitution was revised for the first time 
 since it was ratified on April 25, 1976. 
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-
 Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was 
 blamed on four security officers. 
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 
 percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space, 
 performed the world's first animal dissections in space, 
 while aboard the space shuttle Columbia. 
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian 
 President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's 
 military still in control. 
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a 
 referendum concerning secession from the federation 
 of Canada. 
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane 
 and the 39 people on board were killed when anti-terrorist 
 squads raided the plane. 
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw 
 out the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between 
 the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks. 
 Unlike Obama, Bush knew how to pitch.
2001 Michael Jordan returned to the NBA with the Washington 
 Wizards after a 3 1/2 year retirement. The Wizards lost 
 93-91 to the New York Knicks.

2014  smiled.

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Yahoo failing to deliver postcard pick-up notices

Wednesday, October 29, 2014, 11:23 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 29

Thank you, Sig!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Ex-Boyfriend,. who stole woman's "Obama Phone"
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn 
 on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first 
 American to orbit the Earth. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A billion here, a billion there
pretty soon it adds up to real money.
--- Senator Everett Dirksen (1896-1969)

"ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on
games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and
elections."
--- Argus Hamilton


>From Dianne
I went into the confessional box after years of being away 
from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with 
Guinness on tap.
On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish 
whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars 
and chocolates
Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, 
for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, 
but I must first admit that the confessional box is much 
more inviting than it used to be."
 
He replies: " Get out, you moron, you're on my side. "


An old guy went to his doctor and said,
"Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately,
I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senility," replied the doctor.
"Senility is when you forget to zip down...."


A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on
a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want
to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes
up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone,
telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free
drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the
bartender gives him his tab.

The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!"

The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really
busy in here and I must have forgotten."

The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened,
so the pastor goes in next.  The pastor orders his drink and then
informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender
asks him for the money.  Again the bartender apologizes.

Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink.  Again the bartender
gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I
ordered the drink."

"I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's
wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this
to."

"I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, 
and I'll be on my way."




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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Desmond Ty’Quan Gray, 22, Spartanburg, Florida
Ex-Boyfriend Stole Her "Obama Phone" 
During Tussle

A South Carolina woman told police yesterday that her former 
boyfriend stole her “Obama phone” during a confrontation 
yesterday morning, according to an incident report.

Tasha Mallory, 29, said that she was on her phone when 
Desmond Ty’Quan Gray, 22, “entered her apartment uninvited” 
Monday morning and “began to ask her who she was on the 
phone with.” 
Mallory and Gray “are not dating but have one child in common,” 
cops noted.

According to Mallory, Gray tried to grab her phone, but she 
held it close to her chest “so Mr. Gray could not get to it.” 
Gray, Mallory alleged, then pushed her to the floor, bit her 
shoulder, and scratched her arm. He also allegedly wrested 
her Obama phone away and then fled the residence in a green 
vehicle.

“Ms. Mallory described the cell phone as an ‘Obama phone,’” 
(free phone provided by Welfare) according to a Spartanburg 
Police Department report. 

While talking with cops, Mallory pulled out a “second cell 
phone that she had” and showed text messages from Gray “stating 
that he did not want the relationship to end.” Police subsequently 
sought to locate Gray for questioning, but were unsuccessful 
(they planned to consult with a judge about the incident).

Gray, seen in the above mug shot, has prior arrests for drug 
possession, shoplifting, domestic violence, attempted burglary, 
and peeping, according to court records.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Beverly
Re: Yahoo censoring Actioncat cards

Thanks. I clicked on the link and rec'd the actioncat card. 
I also had a phone call from a friend that I had sent an 
actioncat card to who also has a yahoo email address. She 
didn't get it.
 
When I do an actioncat card, if I write down the number 
it assigns for pickup and email that to friends, would 
they be able to follow a link to actioncat.com and 
insert the card number to view the card? 
 
Again, thanks for your suggestions.
 
Beverly 

Dear Beverly
Yes, if you send the pick-up number to other yahoos, then 
they can pick it up quite easily. It's just the emails to 
their victims, that Yahoo censors. As far as I know, they 
are not censoring web sites.

Just tell your friends to get a respectable email address 
on the side.
Protonmail and Gmail are free.

They don't have to give up their Yahoo mail and groups and 
stuff. They simply get reliable email on the side.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite.  
Four children leapt from the vehicle and began feverishly 
unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to 
gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up 
the camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, 
"That, sir, is some awesome display of teamwork."

The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the 
bathroom until the camp is set up."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Discolored Coffee Cups

I have trouble with my coffee cups and mugs becoming 
discolored because my husband drinks lots of coffee. All 
I have to do to take out the stains is to let them soak 
in a a sink full of water with a about 1/4 cup bleach 
added. Just be sure to rinse them well. Works great!

By Robin
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

The following was overheard at a recent high society party...

"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,"
said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked,
"How far does your family go back?"

"I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost
in the flood."


A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in
a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the
house on the other side of the street. First they see two
people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they
notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The

Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."

The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the 
house, it'll be empty again."






Multiple-Budded Fruit Trees










Today in 
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that 
 had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy 
 against King James I. 
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be 
 an independent commonwealth. 
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was 
 the founder of Pennsylvania. 
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, 
 was electrocuted. 
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution 
 of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, 
 later known as Kemal Ataturk. 
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the 
 Wall Street stock market. 
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went 
 on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the 
 price of $12.50 each. 
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez 
 Canal Crisis. 
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use 
 close-circuit television. 
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight. 
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all 
 school segregation. 
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. 
 He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him 
 over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season. 
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding 
 discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or 
 marital status 
1985 It was announced that Maj. Gen. Samuel K. Doe had won the 
 first multiparty election in Liberia. 
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's 
 regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during 
 its occupation of Kuwait. 
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an 
 asteroid (Gaspra). 
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to 
 pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President 
 Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power. 
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the Food 
 and Drug Administration. 
1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission 
 condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the 
 African National Congress. 
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn 
 on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first 
 American to orbit the Earth. 
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for 
 $2 million at a New York auction. 
2014  smiled.

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Darth Vader not allowed to vote in Ukraine

Tuesday, October 28, 2014, 10:29 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 28

Happy 90th Birthday Jim!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Ukrainian Darth Vader, who was told to get lost
at the voting booth.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known 
 as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in 
 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





I think that I shall never see 
a billboard lovely as a tree. 
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, 
I'll never see a tree at all.
--- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)


One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting
expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns
for the king. The friend had apparently done something
wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the
gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was
blown off.

Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual,
"This is good!"

To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!"and
proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that
he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals
captured himand took them to their village. They tied
his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and
bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire
to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing
a thumb.

Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was
less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him
on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded
of the event that had takenhis thumb and felt remorse
for his treatment of his friend.

He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend.
"You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb
was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all
that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for
sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this..."

"No," his friend replied, "this is good!!"

"What do you mean, 'This is good!'?? How could it be
good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?!"

"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you,
hunting...!"


The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted
his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had
bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.

"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the
store looking at the dress. Then I found myself
trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering
to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You
should buy it.'"

"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal
with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"

"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It
looks great from back here, too."


A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage
she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked -
"I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your
husband sometimes talks about his first wife?"

"Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied.

"What stopped him?"

"I started talking about my next husband."




Click through for the large picture
The building is not pretty, but the view is famntastic!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Darth Alekseyevich Vader, Kjiev, Ukraine
Darth Vader not allowed to vote in Ukraine

Never underestimate the power of the Dark Side... except 
maybe in Ukraine, where it turns out being a Sith Lord 
isn't all that hot.

Darth Vader, a candidate running for a seat in the nation's 
parliament, was turned away at his polling place when he 
refused to take off his mask. Hours later, it looked like 
he had little chance of winning, according to exit polls.

Or as Dark Lord of the Sith might say: "NOOOOoooooooo!"
The candidate, who changed his name to Darth Alekseyevich 
Vader, turned up to vote on Sunday standing atop a black 
van decorated with symbols of the Galactic Empire and 
blaring "The Imperial March" from loudspeakers.

Once inside, Vader showed his passport to polling officials, 
but they asked him to take off his mask.

"Here is my face on the passport. Where does the law say 
that I have to take off my mask?" Vader said, according 
to The Telegraph.

"I thought this might happen," he told reporters afterward, 
according to AFP. "But I am still disappointed. My rights 
have been violated again."

He was told to get lost and come back without the 
silly mask.

Vader was one of six Darth Vaders running for seats in 
Parliament, along with Chewbacca, Princess Amidala and 
Yoda. As of this writing, it doesn't appear that any of 
them won seats.

The Force may not be with them, but they sure do have 
the farce on their side.

The election is counted now, and for the first time since 
WWII, there were no communists elected to parliament.
The election was only in the areas, that are not occupied 
by Russia.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Nobody
Re: No question



Dear 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose
intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar).  At dinner that night with
his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had
found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them
what that meant.

A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a
quick breakfast before shopping.  The place was very busy, but the
quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par.  When
they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at
her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the
waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is charcoal intolerant."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Vaseline to Remove Paint from Leather

Iv just removed eggshell white paint from my leather sofa 
by rubbing in petroleum jelly (Vaseline). I left it for a 
few minutes, then gently rubbed with a wet nail brush and 
it started coming off! Happy me!
By debbietev [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

I know my company has made a big effort to be family   
friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an-   
nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees   
are invited to the annual Christmas party. All children   
under the age of ten will receive a gift from Santa.   

Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren."   


[I know I've used this joke more than once before, but it's   
one of my favorites...]   

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was   
tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the   
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will   
you sleep with me tonight?"   

The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep   
in Daddy's room."   

The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."  






American Bladesmith










Today in 
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. (engin) 
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York 
 Harbor by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 
 tons and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as 
 "Liberty Enlightening the World." 
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to 
 use fingerprinting. 
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known 
 as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in 
 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. 
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government 
 and introduced fascism to Italy. 
1936 The Statue of Liberty was rededicated by U.S. President 
 Roosevelt on its 50th anniversary. 
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that 
 he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, 
 was completed. 
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President 
 Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, 
 to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related 
 convictions. 
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, 
 pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces 
 the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume 
 distribution of the drug after the government of France 
 demanded it do so. 
1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, 
 called for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out 
 the military leaders. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that 
 all the troops there would be home by Christmas. 
2014  smiled.






R610 which could easily handle both of your servers 
running ESXi underneath for $475 per month.  
It would have 6x146GB SAS Drives, and 
2xIntel Quad Core 5550 CPUs (CPU may vary some).

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( 3 / 666 )

Can't get subscriptions in Gmail

Monday, October 27, 2014, 08:24 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
500 lb perp in Florida, trying to resist arrest.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





In inner-party politics, these methods lead, as we shall 
yet see, to this: the party organization substitutes itself 
for the party, the central committee substitutes itself 
for the organization, and, finally, 
a "dictator" substitutes himself for the central committee. 
--- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940) Russian revolutionary 
------------
Sounds familiar!


There are two types of people--
those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!'
and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
--- Frederick L Collins

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
--- Benjamin Franklin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
--- Milton Berle


A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church
with their three kittens.

He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother
turned around to do some work.

A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door.

She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens.

She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll
drown those kittens."

Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice:

"They should had thought of that before they joined my church."


"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up,"
said a father to his teenage daughter, 
"Your very own phone bill."


While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized
his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him
clinging to the overturned craft.  Spotting an old beachcomber
standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any
gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore.
As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What
did you do to get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got
'em all."




Click through for the large picture

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Howard Hendrix, 45, of Apopka, Florida
500-pound Suspect Doesn't 
Fit Into Florida Patrol Car

The scales of justice can handle Howard Hendrix and his 
domestic disturbance charge, but Florida deputies had 
problems arresting and transporting the heavy suspect.

At 500 pounds, the 6-foot-tall Hendrix was too big to 
fit into a Volusia Count patrol car.

The solution was to summon a prisoner transport van to 
haul Hendrix to the Volusia County Branch Jail in Daytona 
Beach on Sunday, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

Before that, Hendrix, 45, of Apopka, Florida, used his size 
to resist arrest in other ways. Hendrix sat down on the floor 
and challenged officers to move him. He also allegedly kicked 
a deputy in the leg, according to police documents obtained 
by the Daytona Beach News-Journal.

The dispute began when Hendrix' girlfriend told deputies that 
during an argument he had cornered her in the garage and 
slapped her shoulder and face, poked her in the chest, and 
spit into her face, according to ClickOrlando.com. He 
allegedly punched a hole in her wall too.

When deputies arrived, Hendrix had showered and was naked.
Investigators said he smelled of alcohol, and had glassy 
eyes and slurred speech, WESH.com reports.

Hendrix was charged with battery on a law enforcement 
officer, criminal mischief, resisting an officer without 
violence, battery causing bodily harm and driving under 
the influence, according to the Miami Herald.

He is being held on $5,000 bond.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Bunny
Re: Not getting subscription

Hi Webby,
This mail says my double-opt in was successful but I haven't 
gotten the Humour Letter yet. I checked spam and all folders. 
Still don't see it. 

My old mail is going away on Halloween because lorettotel.net 
is closing down their dialup and I'm not close enough for 
their dsl.

Was hoping to move my sub to gmail, but I'm confused about 
it working.

Bunny

Dear Bunny
You are definitely in the list. 
Second last one to subscribe.
If you don't get the Monday issue by sun-up, 
check Spam and Trash.
You might have to make a filter in Gmail to 
keep it from dumping mail 
from
humor@webby.com

The people running Gmail apparently don't like 
getting mail and figure it is better to dump too much stuff, 
than not enough; and that everybody should get good at 
making filters.

Once you have about a hundred filters, Gmail is excellent. 
However, it is definitely not something to just subscribe 
to and let it run as is.

In the meantime, you can browse to http://webby.com/humor
to read the current issue, or to http://webby.com/humor/blog
to read previous issues. You can scroll back to almost the 
stone ages, but don't let that stop you from making filters. 
On rural Dial-Up getting the Humor Letter in the mail is a 
lot faster than browsing for it.

You will probably also have to change the setting in Gmail 
to always display images. By default, that is often turned off.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911.
The operator said they would send someone out right away
and asked, "Where do you live?"

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about
I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
"Soft Wrap" Presents For A Green Christmas

My family always has a chore of finding correct size boxes 
for Christmas gifts, and then having to break them down 
afterward for the recycle bins. This year, we have pledged 
to "soft wrap" every gift. There will be no more boxes, 
and no chore we all dislike. Let us all save planet Earth!
By Avis from Boulder, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

You can also save boxes and re-use them. Make a rule to,
if at all possible, send the boxes back to the sender next
Christmas. It is quite fun to see how many back and forth 
trips a box can endure. 

Some people, who hate fruitcakes, 
don't even open the box, that they know contains a 
fossilized fruitcake. They just stick another address label 
on it, and put it into the garage, ready to send back next 
Christmas.

Personally, I like fruitcake, but when I get one, I save 
the box for next December. it is always a treat to recognize
a box.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front
door onto the porch.  Someone called 911.  When the paramedics
arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he
knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said.  "My son asked
me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out,
he came out with the lawn mower."


During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule
was explained.  Translated it means, "To hear the other party".

After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer
asked if anyone didn't understand the rule.

A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife."


The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was 
going to ask the congregation to come up with more money 
than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. 
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist 
was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last 
minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, 
you'll have to think of something to play after I make the 
announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers 
and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs 
cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. 
Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star 
Spangled Banner." 
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! 






Cow Bells










Today in 
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the 
 first Quakers to be executed in America. 
1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San 
 Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York 
 City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other 
 seven failed. 
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed 
 of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George 
 "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence 
 to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was 
 the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in 
 New York. 
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new 
 synthetic yarn. 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They 
 had been married on January 14, 1954. 
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by 
 calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey. 
 U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the agreement. 
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison 
 population had exceeded one million for the first time in 
 American history. 
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of Brazil 
 in a runoff. He was the country's first elected leftist leader. 
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy 
 FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second largest 
 banking company in the U.S.
2014  smiled.

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( 3 / 1811 )

Eye strain from monitor

Sunday, October 26, 2014, 08:39 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 26

Who sent me the collection of pictures, from which I took
Friday's picture of the spiny, white sea monster?
Somehow I misplaced and lost that collection. If you sent 
it to me, or have a copy of it, please send it to me!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
18 year old South Carolina woman for the most
embarrassing shoplifting arrest.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced 
it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill 
 is used to induce abortions. The French government made the 
 company reverse itself two days later. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The trouble with America is that there are far too many 
wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
--- Charles Luckman

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a 
lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a 
bad move.
--- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)


>From Moe
SAFE AT HOME ... AT LAST!
I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the 
Neighborhood Watch.

I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one 
at each  corner and the black flag of ISIS in the  center.

The local police, CIA, Secret Service, and other intelligence 
services are all watching my house 24/7.

I've never felt safer.

------------
I bet they defragment and optimize your computer too, 
to make sure they are not missing anything!


Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the 
paragraph below without the aid of Google?  (One minister 
found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks 
to find the last one.)

I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible.
It was a lulu; It kept people looking so hard for facts, 
and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, 
especially since the names of the books were not capitalized 
and on occasion spread over more than one word. But the 
truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers.  
To others it was a real job. I want it to be a most 
fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some
really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to 
help them.  I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister 
to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations 
when it is found. A little old lady says she brews a cup 
of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can 
compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names
of books of the Bible in this paragraph.

No cheating!


Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land.
600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please
instruct!"

Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after
me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"




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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Karla Farmer, 18, Spartanburg, South Carolina
Embarrassing Shoplifting Spree 
At Mall Store

This week’s most embarrassing shoplifting arrest comes from 
South Carolina, where police yesterday nabbed an 18-year-old 
woman for stealing Rock Hard erection cream, handcuffs, and 
Deep Throat desensitizing spray from a mall store.

Karla Farmer first swiped the cream and spray from the 
“love unit” of a Spencer’s store, according to a police report. 
After exiting the business, she returned a few minutes later 
to nick the handcuffs, investigators allege.

Mall security subsequently detained Farmer and handcuffed the 
teenager when she fought with them and tried to flee.

When police searched Farmer’s purse, they recovered the 
Spencer’s merchandise, as well as a bra and two pairs of 
underwear apparently stolen from a Victoria’s Secret 
location in the WestGate mall in Spartanburg.

Seen in the above mug shot, Farmer was charged with 
shoplifting and booked into the county jail on the 
misdemeanor count.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Lucy
Re: Eye strain

Dear Webby
I am working on a large but very important project, but lately
after half a day or so, my eyes get tired and sandy. When that
happens, I can't concentrate and all I want to do is go for a
nap. Is there a solution for that?
Lucy

Dear Lucy
First check the air currents in the room. If necessary, get a
smoker to assist you. Especially in a darkened room a
flashlight and some smoke will quickly tell you if air from
anywhere is bouncing off the monitor or keyboard into your
face and drying your eyes. If it is, deflect the air somehwre
else.

Secondly, raise the monitor or lower the chair so that you
sit in the sexy positioning like the typists before the
computer age used, chest out, back and neck straight, head
slightly raised so that a ruler placed under your chin and
pointing forward, points slightly upward, not level or down.

Your neck and head circulation will improve instantly, and
your eyes will feel a lot better.

As a fringe benefit, especially if you combine that body
posture with a silly grin about it, works as an 
anti-depressant and mood optimizer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time
playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into
focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to
his son,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by
the light of the fireplace."

The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was
The President of The United States."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Decorating for Halloween

We try to make a fun Halloween experience. Walking through 
to get their candy is a lot of fun to watch. My husband and 
I made simple grave stones, coffin, and lots of body parts 
for the giant spider I made. 

We decorate with cheap masks bought at the dollar stores and 
costumes that were reduced after Halloween, for yard haunters, 
put up with just wooden stakes made into crosses.

I try to buy something cheap each year to add to the decor. 
We have a lot of wailing, screeching ghosts and zombies, 
witches and skeletons. And lots of sounds.
Happy Halloween {^;^}
By Ida M. from Toledo, OH
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably
led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun
blasts at some of them.
"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good
thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider.
"It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."


>From Jack
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and
marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding
what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister
asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband."
And she said, "I do."

Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to
be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!"


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories.
As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends,
I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals
to one pound of weight per week.

Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a chocolate
caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165 pounds,
so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about
three months ago.
I owe my life to chocolate!






Strange Looking Foods










Today in 
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 
 363-mile canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River 
 at a cost of $7,602,000. 
1854 Charles William Post was born. He was the inventor 
 of "Grape Nuts," "Postum" and "Post Toasties." 
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine. 
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone, 
 AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and 
 Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang. 
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden. 
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa 
 Cruz during World War II. 
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. 
 The battle was won by American forces and brought the end 
 of the Pacific phase of World War II into sight. 
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage 
 from 40 to 75 cents an hour. 
1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great Britain. 
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner 
 from New York City to Paris. 
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile 
 Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S. 
 agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles 
 in Turkey. 
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 
 26 years on the Peacock Throne. 
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared, 
 "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam. 
1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to 
 officially visit to the United States. 
1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully 
 landed at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death 
 by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence 
 Agency. 
1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first Israeli 
 head of state to visit Egypt. 
1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and 
 Soviet embassies in London to pressure the two countries to 
 end their arms race. 
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced 
it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill 
 is used to induce abortions. The French government made the 
 company reverse itself two days later. 
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American icebreakers. 
 The whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks in an Arctic 
 ice pack. 
1990 The U.S. State Department issued a warning that terrorists 
 could be planning an attack on a passenger ship or aircraft. 
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach 2,000 points. 
1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a federal 
 correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin serving 
 a six-month sentence for cocaine possession. 
1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned after 
the company recorded its highest losses in history. 
1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord, which was 
 designed to unify the country. 
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of 
 defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress. 
 Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal. 
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime Minister 
 Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty. 
1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th 
 National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York 
 Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second-fastest player 
 to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by 
 his 575th NHL game. 
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile warhead. 
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won a 
 defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The contract, 
 for the "joint strike fighter," was the largest defense contract 
 in history. 
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where 
 separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116 
 hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or 
 gunshot wounds.
2014  smiled.

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( 2.9 / 724 )

Fake Youtube alert scam

Saturday, October 25, 2014, 08:32 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 25

Who sent me the collection of pictures, from which I took
yesterday's picture of the spiny, white sear monster?
Somehow I misp[laced and lost that collection. If you sent 
it to me, or have a copy of it, please send it to me!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Wyoming woman, who was arrested for beating
boyfriend with a metal broom handle.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1955 The microwave oven for home use was introduced by The 
 Tappan Company. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, 
but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
--- Bill Vaughan   


Thanks to Sandie for this:
When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood
pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained
some weight and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be
complicated and it would solve my physical problems.

He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright
colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc."

So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms
onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better!


The reporter met the plane that brought back soldiers
from their year in Afghanistan. He wanted to write a human
interest story, and asked one soldier,
"What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?"
The soldier immediately replied, "Stupid question! Spend 
an hour in bed with my wife."

The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and
asked, "Oh. Well, and what will you do after that ?"
"Take off these stupid boots!"


A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park
said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks.
Wherever did they come from?"

"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.

"But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.

"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."




Click through for the large picture
Kalapana-Hawaii

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Michelle Martinez, 27, Casper, Wyoming
Man says girlfriend beat him 
with metal broom handle

A Casper man is accusing his girlfriend of beating him with 
a metal broomstick.

Miguel Martinez, 27, who is also identified in the police 
report as Michelle Martinez, is charged with aggravated 
assault in the Wednesday night attack.

Police responded to a camper on Durbin Street about 11:40 p.m. 
and found Martinez’s boyfriend bleeding from the head. The man 
was transported to Wyoming Medical Center for treatment.

He told officers that Martinez had beaten him with an unknown 
metal object, which may have been a broomstick. He also said 
Martinez threw a champagne glass at him, which shattered on 
his chest.

Police found Martinez hiding in the backyard of a home on 
Kimball Street. Martinez was transported to the Natrona 
County Detention Center.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
This is an old one to answer a question I got over the phone,
without having to type down the conversation.

From: Dani
Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs

Dear Webby:
How do I filter out crap like this?
I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up
this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually
contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :(
In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking
to somewhere else.

Here is a typical example:

===
this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your
both dead. see for yourself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQrTPGpMziX
[links to 74.132.117.201/] 
===

I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them?
Dani

Dear Dani
I had to root around the restore bin to find an example.
The same 7BIT filter that I described earlier, also gets
this type of virus generated spam.

"IF
the entire header 
contains 
7BIT
then delete, without warning".

They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody,
except when you send me to check the restore bin.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson.
She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for
church.
"Put whichever one you want in the collection plate
and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl.

When they were coming out of the church, the mother
asked her daughter which amount she had given.

"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give
the dollar, but just before the collection the man
in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful
givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave
the quarter, so I did."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recycled Candles From Wax Melter

I have a wax warmer plate that I love. When the melts 
lose their scent, I pour them in a glass candle jar that 
is almost empty. I save cotton string, such as that 
found on dog food bags. I dip the string in the wax warmer 
with the melted wax and then set it aside in a jar. 
When dry, I put the wick over a pencil or piece of incense 
and hang it over an empty jar. This is where all the wax 
from the warmer gets poured when it doesn't smell as strong 
anymore. I also put extra chunks of wax in the warmer and 
melt that. I'm wondering if I could recycle old birthday 
candles by using the whole little candle as a wick.
By Robyn [366]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Yes, sure you can! You can also buy wick in 50 and 100 foot
rools at most craft stores. Wick is cheap. You can also get 
candle scent there. They have some bees-wax scent, that is
really fantastic.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a
newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged
Caumeneur."

The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used
to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary.

"Could you please spell that?" she asked.

"You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e".


On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules.

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time
will be fined $60.  Being caught a third time will incur a hefty
fine of $180.  Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"


When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a com-   
puter company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane   
to the bizarre.   

One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a   
man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet,   
his computer would shut down and he would loose all his work.

It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water   
supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he   
flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the   
electric power, which in turn would cause the computer   
to shut down.

I told him it was just to teach him to save his work 
frequently, especeially before stepping away from the 
computer, and that it was just doing it just because it
did not want to be left alone.

Since I was laughing while making up that story, he did not
believe that. So I told him to get an uninterruptible
power supply with a battery at least as big as the one on 
his bike, to carry the computer across any dips in the
power.

That made sense to him, and after he did that, he had no
more problems with the computer shutting down every time
he flushed the toilet.






Decorated Candles










Today in 
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt 
 over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000 
 Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by 
 the English. 
1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States 
 captured the British vessel Macedonian. 
1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the 
 Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of 
 Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order to 
 attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley and 
 suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed that 
 the order was the result of confusion and was not given 
 intentionally. 
1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was 
 the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City. 
1881 The founder of "Cubism," Pablo Picasso, was born in 
 Malaga, Spain. 
1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin 
 seized power in Russia. 
1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first time. 
1955 The microwave oven for home use was introduced by The 
 Tappan Company. 
1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had 
 been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's 
 pro-Western government. 
1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was 
 introduced. 
1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic 
 evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos 
 were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and 
 admit mainland China. 
1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations 
 invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection 
 to U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's 
 Communist (pro-Cuban) government. 
1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney 
 that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops 
 to Saudi Arabia. 
2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a 
 family of four separately traded companies (consumer, 
 business, broadband and wireless). 
2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the 
 remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million
 years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew 
 as long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight tons. 
2014  smiled.

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Get rid of "About Blank" Hijacker

Friday, October 24, 2014, 09:39 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Gym teacher charged with 30 
counts of statutory rape
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was 
 nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and 
 foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6, 1960. 
 The big American sugar and fruit companies are still in a 
 snit about that.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and 
all the impersonators would be dead.
--- Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)

A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions 
than anything else in the world.
--- Edmond de Goncourt (1822 - 1896)


My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he
used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened
himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles.  He
said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound
potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides
and hold them there as long as he could.

After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato
sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato
sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full
minute!

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.



Joe was sitting at the bar, sunk in misery. The bartender
said, "You look awful, pal. What's your problem."

Joe stared into his drink and said, "I'm tired of being a
social outcast. I'm with the circus, you see, and clean up
the animal cages. Well, it's not the most wonderful smell
in the world and because of it people avoid me. It's not
fair!"

"I see what you mean," the bartender sniffed. "But I've got
an idea. There are openings down at the factory. They are
regular hours and it probably pays better than the circus.
Why don't you apply?"

"What!" asked Joe, a bit offended,
"And leave show business?"




Click through for the large picture

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 

Megan Mahoney, 24, New York City, NY
Gym teacher charged with 30 
counts of statutory rape

A basketball coach and gym teacher at a prestigious New 
York City high school faces statutory rape charges for her 
alleged sex abuse of a male student.
Megan Mahoney, 24, was arrested Monday for allegedly having 
regular sexual contact with the same 16-year-old student 
over a period of more than two months beginning in late 
October 2013, the Staten Island Advance reports.

She faces 30 counts of statutory rape in the case.
Mahoney romped with the teen “on numerous occasions, 
that is at least two times per week during the period,” 
court papers claim.
She also was charged with four counts of “criminal sexual 
act” because of mutual oral sex that she and the boy 
allegedly engaged in “at least two times per month during 
said period.”

In January, Mahoney resigned from Moore Catholic High School 
in Staten Island, where she taught gym and was an assistant 
coach for the women's basketball team.

Investigators said that some of the encounters happened on 
school grounds. In August, the victim told the New York Post 
that the illicit relationship began shortly after Mahoney 
allegedly approached him in the gym and offered to coach 
him in basketball.

“We would just drive around and [do it] in the car,” the 
boy, whose name was withheld, told the newspaper.
Richard Postiglione, the Moore's athletic director, was 
also investigated for allegedly failing to report sex 
abuse accusations against Mahoney and another female 
teacher at the school.

Before she was a coach, Mahoney was also a student athlete, 
playing basketball for Fordham University and Wagner College.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
Ophelia forwarded this to me. One of her subscribers had a 
problem and she was able to solve it nicely.

From: JH
Re: About Blank

One question, this just started yesterday.
When I click on the gravity60  to see the cutie of the day,  
I also get a window opening from internet explorer 
"about blank."   Is this a bug on my end?

I don't use ie at all, just wondering.

Thanks for all, jh

Hi Jim
That is due to an "About Blank" hijacker, that you got 
probably as an included freebie when some nitwit family 
member downloaded something. 

Dear Webby  wrote about that one about half a year ago. 
It is nasty shit, and some variants of that hijacker 
include a Trojan, that opens a back door.

Try using that MalwareBytes, that Dear Webby has on the 
TOP of his side menu. For a good reason!
They have a free version. Use it as soon as possible.

With that back door open and your ass sticking out, 
ANYBODY can screw you in the ass and not only copy what 
you got, but put stuff onto your machine!

It might be a good idea to TOTALLY restrict access to your 
computer and threaten dire consequences to anybody 
downloading ANYTHING. 
Yes, absolutely ANYTHING! Even innocent looking stuff like 
cutesy clocks come bundled with very nasty shit!

Good Luck!
Ophelia


Due to your help, I've got it.  
many thanks. jh


The picture of Jim with old style full length underwear with
button-down rear flap open is priceless! But she is right, 
when a trojan controls your machine, YOU have no control
over what goes on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Two poets, who had been bitter rivals, met each other on a
street corner. Naturally the old rivalry resumed itself.
"You know, " said the first poet,
"since we last met, my readership has increased!"

"Oh congratulations!"  the second poet replied.
"I didn't know you got married!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Replace Lights On Christmas Wire Deer

If you have lights on your wire lawn deer that stop working, 
don't toss the deer in the garbage, just change out the 
lights. Take a strand of 100 white wire lights and replace 
the old lights. It's time consuming putting all new lights 
on, but it's a lot less $ than going out and buying all 
new deer, and it's a good way to recycle also.
By CDC from FL
http://www.thriftyfun.com/





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

GROAN ALERT!
A mechanic who worked out of his home had
a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of
eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so
the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.  The
grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in
his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in
the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him
so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate
all the grass in the backyard.  The next morning,
the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench
glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened,
he looked up to the heavens and sang out loudly,
proclaiming...

(Are you ready for this?)

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved
a wrench for me!" 


In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I
noticed a man shopping with his son.

As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I
heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child: "You know,
if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."


A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little 
children on the plane. They had been bugging her since 
take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or 
tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or 
whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting 
on and complaining about.

Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the 
children said that they were bored, the stewardess told 
them to go play outside.






Deep Snow & High Fences










Today in 
1648 - The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the 
 Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years War. 
1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria, 
 Prussia, and Russia. 
1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous 
 friction safety match. 
1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent 
 when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a 
 telegram to U.S. President Lincoln. 
1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to 
 go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years old. 
1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million shares 
 on the stock market. The day is known as "Black Tuesday." 
1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened 
 for traffic between New York and New Jersey. 
1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first 
 time in Wilmington, DE. 
1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect under 
 the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 
1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less 
 than a month after the end of World War II. 
1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was 
 nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and 
 foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6, 1960. 
 The big American sugar and fruit companies are still in a 
 snit about that.
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces 
 went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation 
 for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The 
 U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day. 
1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 
 69-carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton 
 presented the ring to Taylor several days later. 
1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian 
 was convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the 
 trial led to the belief that Syria was involved in the 
 attack on the Israeli jetliner. 
1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to 
 win the World Series. 
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation 
 that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all 
 of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use 
 of the Internet. 
2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated. 
2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered 
 orbit around Mars. 
2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the release 
 of an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney content. 
2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde 
 flight landed.
2014  smiled.

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Thousands of search engines

Thursday, October 23, 2014, 11:08 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award:
A Californian woman gets stuck in the chimney of a
former date in her second attempt to enter his
home from the roof while he was not there.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 
 years of Soviet rule. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; 
I never did succeed in making those idiots understand 
their language.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside 
the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on 
inside it.
--- Terry Pratchett 


A truck driver in Alabama was having lunch at a truck stop 
when 8 motorcyclists came in.

They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made
no move to object.

After he left one of the group laughed and said,
"He wasn't much of a man, was he?"

The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window
said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran
over 8 motorcycles!"


A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their 
teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?"

He responded, "It goes moo."

The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?"

Alice replied, "It goes meow."

Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"

Her response was, "It goes baa."

Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound 
does a mouse make?"

She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!"


This is a classic, that has been around before:
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like
an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations".

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next
door neighbor.
"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

Thanks to Nanarina for this picture:


Click through for the large picture
Gorge At Watkins Glen

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
and a DARWIN AWARD goes to 

Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa,30, Thousand Oaks, California
 A Californian woman gets stuck in 
the chimney of a former date in her second 
attempt to enter his home from the roof while 
he was not there.

Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, 30, was arrested Sunday morning 
after police say she spent a few hours stuck in a chimney 
of a home of a man who had recently ended a relationship 
with her.

A neighbor heard the suspect crying at about 5:45 a.m. and 
called 911. The Ventura County Fire Department's search and 
rescue squad came to the scene and found Nunez-Figueroa 
stuck in the chimney about eight feet from the top.
She had been there an estimated two hours, Capt. Renee 
Ferguson of the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department told 
KTLA TV.

In order to free Nunez-Figueroa, the rescue crew had to 
dismantle the chimney and lubricate her with dish soap.

The suspect was finally removed from the chimney around 
8:15 a.m. and was transported to a hospital to be evaluated.
After the evaluation, Nunez-Figueroa was arrested on 
suspicion of illegal entry and giving false information to 
police, NBC Los Angeles reports.

The suspect's bail was set at $2,500 and she is due in court 
on Tuesday.

The homeowner, who only gave his name as "Lawrence," was away 
from the house when the incident happened.
He told CBS Los Angeles that he knew Nunez-Figueroa.
“It wasn’t Santa Claus, for sure,” Lawrence told the station. 
“Having someone in your chimney is like kind of a weird thing 
you wouldn’t expect to come home to."

Lawrence told authorities he had met the suspect online and 
went out with her six times before ending things recently.

“It’s actually the second attempt for her trying to access 
the inside of my house, from the roof,” Lawrence told CBS 
Los Angeles. “Which just goes to show you,” he said, “you 
have to be careful who you meet online.”

Although Lawrence now has to deal with a dismantled chimney, 
Nunez-Figueroa's family has offered to pay for the repair, 
saying the suspect is a good person.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Irene
Re: 65,000 Search Engines

Dear Webby,
I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about 
submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for 
$129. Is that a good deal?
Irene

Dear Irene
How many different search engines do you use? One? Two?
How many different search engines do your clients use?

Search for example for recognize a spoof on 
Google, MSN, Yahoo.
They all will show you relevant and useful answers, 
and there is no need to check any other search engines. 

In addition to that, the better search engines totally 
ignore submissions, especially from paid submission 
services.

If you know of any search engine that specializes on 
your topic and is used by your clients, you can try 
submitting your site to that one. They will probably
just trash the submission, but the effort might point
out ways to improve your site.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dryer lint for fire starter

My parents are taking us camping. We always have to buy 
those expensive fire starter logs. I had the idea to save 
our dryer lint and stuff it inside our empty toilet paper 
rolls. It's free and you never run out of it. It is very 
easy to catch on fire. We've tried it before and it lights 
up like a torch.
By purplerose [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Housewives aren't the only ones struggling in the suburbs.   
One nursery in my town advertised, 'Desperate Houseplants-   
25% off!'   


The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war
and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say
you're opposed to war?"

Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked,
"Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?"

A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised
his hand.

"Johnny?" the teacher said.

"I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history,
and I hate History!"



Thanks to Billy for this story:

I was the last to leave the office one Friday
evening and managed to lock myself out without
my overcoat and wallet.

Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking
an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard
the seam of my suit trousers rip apart.

About then I realized I needed a screwdriver
to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud.

Seconds later the elevator doors next to my
office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the
middle of the floor.

There was a crackle from the wall speaker next
to the elevator. "This is security," said a 
female voice.
"There's your screwdriver.  Sorry, but I don't
have a needle or thread for your pants!"






Stoned bridges










Today in 
1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a 
 public solo airplane flight in the United States. 
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to 
 vote with a march in New York City, NY. 
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 
 starting the stock-market crash that began the Great 
 Depression. 
1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive 
 against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet 
 occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary 
 and eventually suppress the uprising. 
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded 
 the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse 
 the honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won 
 the award for writing "Dr. Zhivago". 
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began 
 overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and 
 seat Communist China. 
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over 
 the subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of 
 hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 
1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address 
 the U.N. General Assembly. 
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 
 years of Soviet rule. 
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese 
 emperor to stand on Chinese soil. 
1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President 
 Bill Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the 
 war-torn Bosnia. 
1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and 
 Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough 
 in a land-for-peace West Bank accord. 
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 
2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and 
 Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and 
 exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with 
 Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive 
 "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall 
 2001. The film was scheduled for re-release in the spring 
 of 2002. 
2014  smiled.

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Monitor Interference

Wednesday, October 22, 2014, 10:27 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's Bonehead Award
AND a Darwin award go to a 21 year old Mexican,
who shot a selfie with a '38.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute 
 jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Only sick music makes money today.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)


>From Donna
AS A NURSE in a maternity unit, I've had to answer all kinds 
of questions from patients and their families. I couldn't 
help but notice that one expectant father seemed particularly 
interested in the electronic fetal monitor. "Would it hurt 
anything if I just turned this dial up and down from time 
to time?" he asked. 

"No," I answered, "but why would you want to do that?"  

Smiling wistfully, the dad explained, "I know from experience 
it's the only time in a child's life I'll be able to 
control the volume."


I was on board the USS Kitty Hawk when we docked in the Sri 
Lankan capital, Colombo. One morning, as the local fishing 
fleet passed by on its way out to sea, a boat came too close 
to our ship.   

A Marine held up a sign warning the captain to stay away, 
and he complied. But the next day, the boat was back. This 
time, the fisherman held something.   

The nervous Marine pointed to his rifle. The fisherman 
lifted the object and unfurled it, revealing a sign of 
his own. In perfect English it read, 
"Your Sign Is Upside Down."


Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since 
it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they 
read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to 
attend a wedding.

All was fine until they reached the last line. Confused, 
Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this "RSVP" mean?"

Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply 
couldn't remember. Finally, after racking her brain for 
hours, she cries out: "Vait! Vait! I remember! I remember! 
RSVP!! It means.. "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"

Thanks to Nanarina for this picture:


Click through for the large picture
Japanese Maple Portland Oregon

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
and a DARWIN AWARD goes to 

Oscar Otero Aguilar, 21, Mexico City, Mexico
Mexican Veterinarian took
a fatal selfie with a '38

It may seem obvious, but if you must take a gun selfie, 
it’s probably best you point the barrel away from your head.
Oscar Otero Aguilar learned that lesson the hard way, 
accidentally killing himself while posing for a selfie with 
a .38 pointing toward – that’s right – his head.

The incident happened last weekend just north of Mexico City. 
Reports suggest the 21-year-old veterinarian had been 
partying with friends, and grabbed his smartphone – and a 
gun – for a selfie that he intended to post on Facebook.

Neighbor Manfredo Paez Paez told local news media that he 
heard the tragic accident take place.
“I heard a gunshot, and then I heard somebody screaming and 
realized somebody had been hurt,” Paez said, adding, 
“I called the police straight away and when they arrived 
they found that he was still alive.”
Medics battled to save the man, but he died on the way to 
hospital.

Aguilar was something of a selfie obsessive, with a desire 
to take ever more impressive selfies and other snaps of 
himself to post on social media” as part of a growing 
collection that included photos of himself “in front of 
fast cars, sitting on expensive motorbikes, hugging beautiful 
women, and posing in a band to make himself appear something,
that he was not.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Elsa
Re: Monitor interference

Dear Webby,
While we are renovating, we are using a door laying flat
on four short file cabinets as a desk. I sit on the handle side
and my hubby sits on the hinge side. The monitors sit side
by side in the middle, one facing east, one facing west.
Neat solution, right? NOT! When both monitors are on, they
flicker like crazy and the colors are weird. Obviouly they are
interfering with each other. Moving them apart makes the
seating awkward and is not a solution. So, what IS the
solution?
Elsa

Dear Elsa
Sounds like you have good, old-fashioned 4:3 aspect ratio
CRT monitors, not the sawed off modern ones with stretched
pictures. Good for you!

Take the side cover off one of your computers, and stick it 
between the monitors. A real tin cookie sheet will work too,
but not aluminum or stainless steel.

The cheap side-covers of computers made from melted down
Chevys and Fords are ideal. The cheaper the iron, the more
it shields EMF. You will be amazed how suddenly the 
flickering stops when you slide that metal in between 
the monitors.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade  fly trap

Take any jar and squirt some jelly inside. Put a funnel 
in the jar. Some flies will go into the jar through the 
funnel and some will hang around the outside lid of the 
jar. Vacuum the outside flies, then lift the funnel a bit 
and vacuum the inside flies that are still flying around, 
not the ones that have died. When you vacuum the flies 
from the jar, look around the room, near the ceiling for 
other flies, and vacuum them too.
Now, locate the food source of the flies. It could be a 
compost pail, a garbage pail, cat litter or even a piece 
of fruit that has fallen behind the stove. Once you have 
gotten rid of your current infestation, change the litter, 
compost, etc. every 6 or 7 days. This will prevent any fly 
maggots from maturing to the adult stage, because it takes 
them at least 8 days.
You can use a similar process for killing outdoor mosquitoes. 
Give them one or more dishes of water, placed in the shade, 
like under a bush. The female will lay her eggs in the water. 
Change the water every six days, which is not long enough for 
the eggs to hatch.
By jean99 [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


AS PART of an effort at Fort Sill, Okla., to improve relations
with the surrounding community, my unit held a car wash in the
parking lot of a downtown business, with the profits to go to local
charities. Volunteers received three-day passes, so there was no
shortage of manpower, and we all decided to wear our camouflage
uniforms to clearly identify us as soldiers. But it never occurred to
us that the purpose of the "Company C Charity Car Wash" might be
misunderstood until we overheard a man telling his wife, 
"These defense cutbacks must be really serious!"


Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved 
to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I 
called a local pizza shop for a delivery.

"I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said, 
then gave him the address of our condominium.

"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other 
end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"







BearsDowny feathers










Today in 
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It 
 later became known as Princeton University. 
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute 
 jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally 
 elected president of the Republic of Texas. 
1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment" among 
 those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected to come 
 to an end according to the followers of William Miller. 
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment 
 with a high-resistance carbon filament. 
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing 
 money from many New York banks. 
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 
1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to 
 inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces 
 to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the discovery 
 of Soviet missile bases on the island. 
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The spacecraft 
 had orbited the Earth 163 times. 
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was allowed 
 into the U.S. for medical treatment. 
1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization was 
 decertified by the federal government for its strike the 
 previous August. 
1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in which 
 it defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to 
 Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in July. 
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) for 
 the longest continuous human occupation of space. It had been 
 continously inhabited since November 2, 2000. 
2014  smiled.

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Script Error fix for IE

Tuesday, October 21, 2014, 10:47 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 21

The people two houses down the street hired a landscaper to
rake their leaves and haul them away. Once he was done with
that, the West wind picked up and hauled my leaves away.

By the time I went for my evening walk with Copper, their
lawn had more leaves on it than mine. That system has 
worked quite well for me and I don't plan on buying a leaf 
rake in the forseeable future.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Wanted Woman Arrested After Demanding 
Police Remove Unflattering Facebook Photo
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution, 
 was launched in Boston's harbor.  




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading 
information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
--- Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980) 


Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were
sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked
out loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two big men standing by the door?
They're hushers."


When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily
ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc.
It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked.

"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."

"Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give
you high blood pressure?"

He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!"

Thanks to Nanarina for this picture:


Click through for the large picture
SlopePoint NZ

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Monica Hargrove, 
Wanted Woman Arrested After Demanding 
Police Remove Unflattering Facebook Photo

Ohio Police say a woman was so upset by the unflattering 
photo detectives posted to Facebook that she called them 
and demanded that it be removed, leading to her arrest.

"This is a first for us," Denise Alex-Bouzounis, public 
information officer with the Columbus Police Department, 
told The Huffington Post. "She really didn't want her 
face out there for everyone to see."

According to Alex-Bouzounis, she posted 34-year-old 
Monica Hargrove's mug shot to the department's Facebook 
page on Sept. 10, as part of a weekly roundup called 
"Warrant Wednesday."
"It included her mug shot, her name and information 
about the crime," said Alex-Bouzounis.

The Facebook post read, in part:

"On August 30th Hargrove offered a female acquaintance a 
ride to a pharmacy on E. Main St. to pick up a prescription. 
After the acquaintance got the prescription and got back in 
the vehicle, Hargrove robbed the victim at gunpoint, 
leaving her on the side of the road."

According to The Columbus Dispatch, Hargrove had been 
indicted in the case for aggravated-robbery and kidnapping.

The Facebook post, which garnered 64 shares and some 54 
thousand pages views, did not go unnoticed by Hargrove.
Police say the woman was so upset by the mug shot photo, 
which she considered unflattering, that she called within 
48 hours of the post.

"She contacted the detective listed on the Facebook post 
and said, 'Hey, I want my picture down,'" Alex-Bouzounis 
said. "
[The detective] said, 'Come on in and we'll talk about it.'"

And, police say, that is exactly what Hargrove did.
"She came in and he put her under arrest," said Alex-Bouzounis.

"Warrant Wednesday" has proven to be such a success for the 
police department that they plan to continue using Facebook 
to hunt down wanted individuals.

"We've had a lot of Facebook followers help turn people in," 
said Alex-Bouzounis.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Script error fix for IE

At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
I read about the script errors in today's tech support and 
offer these possible solutions from ms support, and Major 
Geeks.

I went online with a tech at HP and he sent me to 
http://windowsxp.mvps.org/IEFIX.htm which fixed the problem.

He also had me uncheck the box at Tools>Internet Options>Advanced>
Enable Third Party Browser Extensions

VOILA! No more script errors.

Neil

Dear Neil
I have not used IE for years because of security problems,
but I would expect extremely hostile opposition to turning
off all the Third Party Browser Extensions, that make IE
compatible to the other browsers, or that make life a lot
easier.

For just one example, turning off RoboForm? NFW!!!!! 
People, who use RoboForm a dozen times a day would much 
rather turn off IE.


Other subscribers suggested to give Adobe 2 or more MB of
disk space to cache files, so that it will pop a pop-up
asking whether to stop a script or to continue.
With Chrome and FireFox that works OFTEN, but sometimes you
still have to hit CTRL - SHIFT - ESC to bring up the task
manager and kill the browser. 
It helps often, but not always.

By the way, if you kill the browser that way, both FF and 
Chrome ask you whether you want to restore your 75 open 
tabs when you restart the browser. You don't loose anything 
when you axe those browsers that way.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade  fly trap

Take any jar and squirt some jelly inside. Put a funnel 
in the jar. Some flies will go into the jar through the 
funnel and some will hang around the outside lid of the 
jar. Vacuum the outside flies, then lift the funnel a bit 
and vacuum the inside flies that are still flying around, 
not the ones that have died. When you vacuum the flies 
from the jar, look around the room, near the ceiling for 
other flies, and vacuum them too.
Now, locate the food source of the flies. It could be a 
compost pail, a garbage pail, cat litter or even a piece 
of fruit that has fallen behind the stove. Once you have 
gotten rid of your current infestation, change the litter, 
compost, etc. every 6 or 7 days. This will prevent any fly 
maggots from maturing to the adult stage, because it takes 
them at least 8 days.
You can use a similar process for killing outdoor mosquitoes. 
Give them one or more dishes of water, placed in the shade, 
like under a bush. The female will lay her eggs in the water. 
Change the water every six days, which is not long enough for 
the eggs to hatch.
By jean99 [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged
man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a
ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the
highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track.

I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I
was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so
quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said.

By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third
time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better
view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.

"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times !"


WHILE ON THE FREEWAY in Los Angeles, I was behind a pack of 
cars. The last driver was on the phone and drifting all over 
the road. This did not escape the attention of a California 
Highway Patrol officer, who snuck up behind her and said over 
his loudspeaker, "If you can't stay in your lane while on 
the phone, pull over until the call is completed." 

Immediately eight cars pulled over and one took off like
he thought he was faster than the Highway Patrol.







Bears: Bold & Beautiful










Today in 
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution, 
 was launched in Boston's harbor. 
1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain. 
 The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 
1849 The first tattooed man, James F. O’Connell, was put on 
 exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY. 
1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 
1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp. 
 It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 
1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during WWI near 
 Nancy, France. 
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per 
 minute on a manual typewriter. 
1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the 
 Electric Show in New York City, NY. 
1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined 
 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations. 
1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was 
 captured by U.S. troops. 
1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time. 
1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 
1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in 
 opposition to the Vietnam War. 
1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to 
 Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there. 
1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action 
 was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American 
 diplomats. 
1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released 
 after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 
1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring 
 North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections. 
2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial 
 birth abortions. 
2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer 
 of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist 
 nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program.
2014  smiled.

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Browser script error

Monday, October 20, 2014, 10:29 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 20

Dad is OK.
He went up into the mountains today and hiked a bit up there. 
High altitude seems to help him considerably.

He noticed that they had painted his outline on the road, 
where the bimbo's car had tossed him to, with bright red 
paint, to embarrass that bimbo every time she drives by, 
and also to remind all other drivers not to back out without 
checking to see if the sidewalk was clear.

Apparently they now paint the "crime scene" outlines in 
white if there was no blood, and in red if there was blood.

He got a good chuckle out of that.

His injuries are healing nicely, and did not stop him from 
some short hikes.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Boy, 8, crashed suv after drunk dad let him drive
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam 
 War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." 

1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves 
as the sole cause of all our adversities.
--- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC)


A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given
an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand --
to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.
The husband stood up and shrugged saying,
"This doesn't feel so bad."

The Lamaze instructor then dropped a pen and asked the
husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant,
the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife
and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."


 Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have
 to hear about all the men she could have married, and
 she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.


Thanks to Brenda from TriangleB for this picture of one
of her Tennessee Walking Horses and the pup
b

Click through for the large picture
Windows support techs commuting to work

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Frank Gordon Conway, 46, Robinson, PA
Drunk dad let 8 year old boy drive

An intoxicated Pennsylvania father told police that he 
“did not see a problem” with allowing his eight-year-old 
son to drive his SUV, which the boy crashed into a tree 
late one night, according to court records.

Frank Gordon Conway, 46, was allegedly plastered when he 
let the child take over the driving duties around 9 PM on 
August 4. The boy, police noted, was seated between his 
father’s legs in the driver’s seat of a 2014 Jeep Grand 
Cherokee.

The child, who was steering the vehicle and controlling 
its pedals, told police that he “drove in the yard, on 
the street and in the parking lot of the V.F.W. before 
re-entering the yard and hitting the wrong pedal which 
caused him to strike a tree,” according to an October 
14 probable cause affidavit.

The car struck a tree near Conway’s home in Robinson, a 
township about 12 miles west of Pittsburgh.

The boy suffered injuries to his face and sternum in the 
crash, police reported. During a post-accident interview 
at the Indiana Regional Medical Center, a “highly 
intoxicated” Conaway told cops that he “did not see a 
problem” with his son driving the vehicle. Following that 
admission, “Charges were then filed.”

Pictured above, Conway is facing several criminal counts, 
including misdemeanor child endangerment and reckless 
endangerment, in connection with the crash. He is 
scheduled for a November 19 District Court preliminary 
hearing.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Script error

At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
More frequently now than ever before, both of my PCs will 
seemingly lock up (sometimes for hours) while the message 
says it is running a script...I can't do anything while 
this is occurring, not even log off or shut down.  
Control/Alt/Delete doesn't even work.  I have to turn off 
the computer manually and upon start the problem is 
resolved, but it is annoying.  What does 'running a script' 
even mean?  Can I stop allowing any scripts to run, or 
are they a necessary evil?

Sandra

Dear Sandra
90% of the time the "script" is Adobe Flash getting choked 
up because Yahoo fails to provide a complete download of 
a movie or music or speech.
The "script" is waiting for a continuation of some download.

I don't think there is anything you can do about that, short 
of getting a better ISP. 

The same thing happens with other ISPs too, just not as 
frequently or as seriously. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mark the "Up" Side on Electrical Plugs

Do you have cords to plug into an outlet and are always 
trying to plug it in upside down, because of one prong 
being wider than the other? In the correct position, put 
a dab of white out (liquid or tape) on a dark-colored 
plug or draw a black spot with a permanent marker on a 
light-colored or white plug. I always do a tiny heart. 
Sure has made my life easier - sometimes it's the little 
things!
By Vicky from Central KY
http://www.thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Lisa for this story:
For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed
in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling.  After an hour in
the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for
me and one handsome young man. As I continued my
underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam,
he swam.  I snorkeled for another 40 minutes.  So did he.

I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him
coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.

"I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't
get out until you did."


There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim
Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what
Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They
say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a
barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice
between a nickel and a dime.

He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to
one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of
you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than
the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger,
or what?"

Junior said, "Nah, if I took the dime, they'd quit giving me
free nickles!"







WhiteWater Boats










Today in 
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and 
 Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor 
 Charles VI. 
1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of 
 America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all 
 citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage 
 all horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting, 
 exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions 
 and entertainment." 
1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase. 
1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary between 
 the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel. 
1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek War for 
 Independence. 
1873 A Hippodrome was opened in New York City by showman 
 Phineus T. (P.T.) Barnum. 
1903 A joint commission ruled in favor of the U.S. concerning 
 a dispute over the boundary between Canada and the District 
 of Alaska. 
1910 A baseball with a cork center was used in a World Series 
 game for the first time. 
1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that 
 took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist 
 Headquarters. 
1942 Pierre Laval told the French labor that they must serve 
 in Germany. 
1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines. 
1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American 
 Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist 
 influence within the motion picture industry. 
1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began 
 in Kenya. 
1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. 
1979 The John F. Kennedy Library in Boston was dedicated. 
1993 Attorney General Janet Reno warned the TV industry 
 to limit the violence in their programs. 
1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that 
 banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific. 
2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without 
 safety devices and survived. He was charged with illegally 
 performing a stunt. 
2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets.
2014  smiled.

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FireFox works better without hardware acceleration

Sunday, October 19, 2014, 12:24 PM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 19

Yesterday dad told me on Skype that he had been run over.
He was wearing his bright red windbreaker and was just 
peacefully walking on the sidewalk on the way home from
the store, when some bimbo backed out from the bank,
assuming that she was important enough so that traffic
would halt and she could bully her way into the traffic.

When she hit dad, he got thrown into traffic, which was
slow enough, so that cars could screech to a stop.

When he woke up, he was flat on the road, and an ambulance
driver asking if he remembered his name. Then a cop asked 
him the same. 

He was bloodied on the head and elbows and knees. They
patched that up and then he got hauled to the hospital in
the next town over, where they xrayed him and sent him home.

He was lucky, again, but sure was shook up. Tomorrow, by 
the time you read this, he will be taking a bus up into the
mountains and hike a bit up there, 
where nobody runs him over.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Virginia perv made child porn in 
house where mom ran daycare center
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by 
 the Berlin Organization Committee. 

1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam 
 War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough
to suit some people.
--- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)  

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be 
watching TV by candlelight?
--- Al Boliska


Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught 
that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her 
husband was just fine.

She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion 
with her. 

"Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, 
between tears.

The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied, 
"He says he'd love a package of cigarettes."

"I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. 
"But did he say where I should send them ?"

"No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for 
matches."


Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill.
Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay.  He
gave a mighty swing.  Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from
the spot. Everything but the golfball.  It sat in the same spot.

So he lined up and tried another shot.  Clouds of dirt and sand and
ants went flying again.  The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived.  One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are
we going to do?"

Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on
the ball."


Thanks to Brenda from TriangleB for this picture of one
of her Tennessee Walking Horses and the pup
b

Click through for the large picture
Windows support techs commuting to work

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Justin Patrick Boniewicz, 29, Gainesville, Virginia
Virginia perv made child porn in 
house where mom ran daycare center

A Gainesville, Virginia, man is suspected of producing 
child porn at his home -- which is also where his mother 
ran a licensed daycare center.

Justin Patrick Boniewicz, 29, was arrested Friday and 
charged with production of child pornography, solicitation 
of child pornography and using communication systems to 
facilitate offenses with a minor.

Boniewicz was arrested after a special victims unit learned 
about an ongoing investigation involving a 16-year-old New 
York girl corresponding with Boniewicz, Prince William 
police spokesman Jonathan Perok told InsideNoVa.com.

“As a result of the search of the home, multiple electronic 
devices containing evidence of child pornography were seized,” 
Perok said.

The suspect allegedly met his underage victim in a chat room 
in January and conducted a long distance relationship with her.
He allegedly encouraged the girl to perform sex shows for him 
via Skype, according to the Washington Post.

There is no evidence any of the children at the daycare 
center were victimized, according to CSNBaltimore.
At least one client of the daycare center doesn't seem worried 
by the charges.
"He's a good boy and his momma runs a good daycare," the 
unidentified woman told NBC Washington.

A woman at the house who didn't give her name told the 
station the business is doing well despite the allegations 
against the owner's son.

Boniewicz is being held without bond and a court date for 
him is pending.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: DJ
Re: Bills Firefox Fix

At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
A hundred thousand kudos, Dear Webby . . . for passing on 
the "Firefox fix" from Bill. The previous versions of 
Firefox (v32, 32.01, 32.02, 32.03) were naught but crapware 
in my view, giving me a world of grief in past weeks, 
including hijacking my start page, starting up at an 
aggravating snail's pace, and refusing to exit gracefully 
when closed (I had to force a close by running CCleaner 
before I could launch again). And the update to v33 did 
not install automatically on my XP, Vista or Win7 laptops. 
Arrgh!

After following Bill's advice and turning off the hardware 
acceleration option, v32.03 launched briskly on Vista and 
I activated the v33 update through the Help>>About Firefox 
window. Upon launching v33 the first time my Advanced 
SystemCare application notified me that some leftover 
Firefox v32.03 files needed to be disposed of--a total of 
246 files to be exact! Is Mozilla bucking to follow in the 
bloatware tradition Microsoft is so adept at? (Spoken as 
a user with her two older laptops configured to dual boot 
into either Ubuntu Linux or Windows.) 

Thanks again for the daily Tech Support Pits hints. There 
are days when I don't find time for the humor, but I never 
delete a Humor Letter issue without reading the Tech Pits. 
Your advice is more helpful than you'll ever know.

Best . . . 
dj

Dear DJ

Glad FF is working OK now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Razor For Removing Fabric Pills

It seems like it's always your old favorites that get those 
awful little fabric pills. Here's a tip that will help your 
favorite sweater go from worn out to like new again! Take 
a new disposable razor and lightly go across the garment. 
Use short strokes while pulling the fabric tight. Don't 
press too hard and be careful when going near the seams. 
Stop frequently to blow the pills out of the razor. Your 
clothes will be looking like new again in no time!
By Shawna G. [10]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding
Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you
ever consider a divorce?"

"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband
replied. 
"Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce."


Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into   
the college of their choice.  As an admissions counselor for   
a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who   
was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down.   

Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D's, I   
explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as   
the admitted class.  "Why doesn't she try anther school for   
a year and then transfer?" I suggested.   

"Another school!" howled the Mother. "Have you seen her   
grades?"   







Cuddly Critters










Today in 
1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered 
 to U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. 
 It was to be the last major battle of the American 
 Revolutionary War. 
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat 
 out of Russia after a month of chasing the retreating 
 Russian army. 
1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used 
 to pick up mail in Washington, DC. 
1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the 
 president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts 
 of Mexico except where Carranza was in control. 
1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by 
 the Berlin Organization Committee. 
1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in 
 Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R., 
 Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims 
 and cooperation between the nations. 
1944 The play "I Remember Mama" opened on Broadway. Marlon 
 Brando made his debut with his appearance. 
1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be allowed 
 into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service (WAVES). 
1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean 
 capital of Pyongyang. 
1951 U.S. President Truman singed an act officially ending the 
 state of war with Germany. 
1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba 
 covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain 
 food products. 
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam 
 War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." 
1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City. 
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional amendment 
 that barred the desecration of the American flag. 
1993 Benazir Bhutto was returned to the premiership of Pakistan. 
1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing 
 license back after he had lost it for biting Evander Holyfield's 
 ear during a fight. 
2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear 
 plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the banks 
 of the Thames River. He survived only on water for 44 days. 
 Blaine had entered the box on September 5. 
2014  smiled.

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FireFox fix

Saturday, October 18, 2014, 10:59 AM
Posted by Administrator





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 18

Thank you Gloria!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Canadian couple ferrying dope from Las Vegas to California
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one 
 year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from 
 Spain. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





He who asks is a fool for five minutes, 
but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
--- Chinese Proverb

There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid
the labor of thinking.
--- Thomas A. Edison

A man can be happy with any woman
as long as he does not love her.
--- Oscar Wilde


The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.

"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.

"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"

"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.

"You look like you're in good health. They are taking care
of you, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."

"Are you in any pain?" she asked.

"No, I have never had a pain in years."

"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has
already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all
wondering where I went."


Thanks to Bob for this report:
I attended Palm Beach Atlantic College in Florida. It's only
about a mile from the ocean, so students frequently go to
the beach, even between classes.  One day I was meeting with
our dean, when he stopped me in the middle of our conversation
and asked if I was an "A" student.

Puzzled, I replied, "Mostly, why do you ask?"

"You don't have a tan," he explained. "Around here, the darker
the tan, the lower the grade."


Thanks to Brenda from TriangleB for this picture of one
of her Tennessee Walking Horses and the pup
b

Click through for the large picture
Tourists in Las Vegas, looking for anybody with a pool 
or air conditioning.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

No official mug shots available yet
Krista Boseley, 30 and Gilles Lapointe, 61
Wannabe Playboy Model In 
Ecstasy Trafficking Bust

OCTOBER 15--A wannabe Playboy model and a male associate 
were arrested by federal agents after flying into a 
California airport from Las Vegas in a private plane 
loaded with a massive cache of Ecstasy pills and powder, 
according to court records.

Acting on information that the plane may have been involved 
with the smuggling of drugs or currency, investigators 
questioned the duo upon landing last Thursday at John Wayne 
Airport in Orange County.

Krista Boseley, 30, and pilot Gilles Lapointe, 61, were both 
carrying large sums of cash that they claimed to have won 
the prior evening at the Bellagio casino. The pair, both of 
whom are Canadian citizens, subsequently had their bags 
searched after a drug detection dog alerted to the presence 
of narcotics.

As detailed in a U.S. District Court complaint, agents found 
about 30,000 Ecstasy pills in Lapointe’s luggage, and another 
28,000 pills inside the plane. The aircraft (seen below) 
also contained nearly 90 pounds of powdered Ecstasy and a 
“GPS Tracker Detector” that, investigators allege, is used 
by drug smugglers “to determine whether law enforcement has 
placed a tracking device on their vehicles or planes.”


Boseley, pictured above, and Lapointe were arrested after 
agents found the Ecstasy stash. Boseley denied knowledge 
of the drugs being trafficked or “anything illegal.” 
Lapointe, however, appears to have made incriminating 
statements to agents, though they are not detailed in 
the felony complaint charging the duo with conspiracy 
to distribute narcotics.

Following Boseley’s arrest, investigators learned that 
she had been stopped last year by Los Angeles Police 
officers who found her with more than $40,000 in cash. 
“Boseley stated at that time that the money belonged 
to someone else.” She was also found in possession of 
a receipt showing that Lapointe’s plane had been refueled 
at the Santa Barbara airport.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Fixed FireFox 

At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
It's Bill again, this time with good news. 

I discovered that holding down the shift key when stating 
Firefox, brings up a small option box. Click on "start the 
program in safe mode". Firefox then appears as it should. 
Go to the three bar "toolbox" and check "options". Under 
"advanced" uncheck the box "use hardware acceleration where 
available". Click OK and restart Firefox. It now runs as 
the program that we have all come to know and love.... 
at least it worked for me. 

Thanks again for your help.

All the best.

Bill 

Dear Bill
Thank you for that extremely valuable information!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Natural Remedy for Armpit Odor

I come from a tropical country when I was a kid. 
I remember at school the teacher would make us rub lime 
with baking soda, that used to work very well!
By mremis [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.

Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and
he told me I asked too many questions!

Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game.
What questions did you ask?

Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions, like, "Why did you
hit the ball into that lake?"


Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late.

But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a
quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.

"Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic.
You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is
quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."

"Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to
hear.  It's odd though, you're coming in late.
I know you're retired from the Air Force.  What did they
say if you came in late there?"

They said, "Good morning, General. Here is your coffee!"







Dirigibles










Today in 
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The 
 marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 
1685 King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes, 
 which had established the legal toleration of the 
 Protestant population. 
1767 The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the 
 boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania. 
1842 Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph 
 cable. 
1860 British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of 
 the Second Opium War. 
1867 The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia. 
 The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars 
 (2 cents per acre). 
1892 The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago, 
 IL, and New York City, NY, was opened. 
1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one 
 year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from 
 Spain. 
1929 The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council ruled 
 that women were to be considered as persons in Canada. 
1944 Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during WWII. 
1956 NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of radio-
 equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks. 
1958 The first computer-arranged marriage took place on Art 
 Linkletter's show. 
1969 The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners due to 
 evidence that they caused cancer. 
1970 Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to death 
 after eight days of being held captive by the Quebec 
 Liberation Front (FLQ). 
1983 General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities 
 for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal 
 Employment Opportunity Commission. 
1985 South African authorities hanged black activist Benjamin 
 Moloise. Moloise had been convicted of murdering a police 
 officer. 
1989 Egon Krenz became the leader of East Germany after Erich 
 Honecker was ousted. Honeker had been in power for 18 years. 
1997 A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and present, 
 was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery. 
2013 Saudi Arabia became the first nation to reject a seat 
 on the United Nations Security Council. Jordan took the 
seat on December 6.
2014  smiled.

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Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your ISP.

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