Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, November 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you Moe 
Thank you, Mary 
Thank you, Richard

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Pennsylvania elections judge arrested for driving 
off with voting equipment
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 6, in
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth 
 president of the United States.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart.
--- Alice Walker (1944 - )

The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
--- Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
--- Laurence J. Peter
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.
Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials
put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the
kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty
feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was
again roaming around the zoo.

This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty
feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked
the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless
somebody starts locking the gate at night!"

______________________________________________________

Two men were talking one day.
"My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from
the garden market," said the first man.

"So were you able to find some?" the second man asked.

"Well when I got to the market, I asked the produce
clerk, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been
sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'

"The produce clerk said 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.' "

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Adele for this picture:


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Darrin Farmer, 
55,
North Versailles,
Pennsylvania



Pennsylvania elections judge arrested for driving 
off with voting equipment

Authorities in western Pennsylvania say a local judge of 
elections was arrested after allegedly failing to show up 
to the polls Tuesday and instead deciding to work as a 
jitney driver for the day.

The Allegheny County sheriff's office says 55-year-old 
Darrin Farmer of North Versailles (Vehr-SAYLESS) never 
came to the North Versailles precinct with voting equipment, 
delaying poll opening by three hours.

Authorities say his wife said he dropped her off at a store 
to buy refreshments for volunteers but then left. They 
allege he decided to spend the day giving rides for money.

Farmer faces charges including tampering with public records 
and obstructing a government function; a listed number for 
him couldn't be found and it's unclear whether he has an 
attorney who could respond to the charges.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Reliable email program
Dear Webby,
Once again I'm coming to the 'mountain' for HELP.

Last evening I updated Mailwasher to the latest 
config. 7.7 and then this morning when I logged 
on and my mail was transferred to Eudora 7.1.0.9 
all of the mail that was both in my in and out 
boxes (Eudora) has disappeared.  I would like 
to have it (mail) back since I've not replied 
to some of them. I did nothing else with my 
desktop other than update Mailwasher.

Can and would you shed some light to make my 
day brighter.

Peace
Frank

Dear Frank
Mailwasher doesn't do anything to Eudora beyond transferring
the focus to it, like clicking on it to making it active.

That sounds like a routine Windoze malfunction.
Did you try closing Eudora and re-opening it? 
Or closing it, and then rebooting?
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Dear Webby,
Like normal, I did as you instructed below.  The emails 
came back BUT now in Eudora the inbox first left column 
with the 'dot' header is now showing a ? for ALL messages 
prior to this morning. This mornings recent mail shows 
the blue dot.
The outbox is showing a red dot with an x inside the dot, 
in that same column for all sent messages including my 
initial request to you this morning prior to closing and 
reboot.  Can you explain and can it be corrected?

I'm having 'FUN!' now.
Frank

Dear Frank
Normally Eudora keeps the IN and OUT box in RAM during 
operation, and writes to disk later.

If Windoze decides it needs more RAM, it steals it from 
any non-Windows program. Theoretically, whatever it steals, 
is supposed to be written to the virtual memory (your hard 
drive). Sometimes that works OK, sometimes it doesn't.

Eudora has a way to guard against that, and tells you to 
re-index the database. 
Compacting the database usually fixes the question marks 
and dots.

To avoid that problem, keep the IN and OUT mailboxes small. 
Send mails to suitable mailboxes like Prayers, Recipes, 
Boobs, etc.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their
married lives. Although happily married, they admitted
that there were argument sometimes.
Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now
know how to always have the last word."

"Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?"

"It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always
'Yes, Dear.'"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Floor Cleaner with No Residue

Have you ever mopped with a cleaner just to discover you 
have a sticky floor from the residue? We bought some 
rubber planking floor that looks like wood and I wanted 
a good cleaner so I did some research. My research took 
me finally to Amazon where there is a product called 
Congoleum Bright 'N Easy No Rinse Cleaner. A 32 oz. 
bottle is $13.99 plus shipping, but I tell you, that 
bottle will last. You use 1/4 of a cup to a gallon of 
water.
The floors looked beautiful with no residue. After reading 
reviews, I saw people were using it in the kitchen on the 
tile floors so I tried that and the floors looked better 
than anything I used in the past. So I can do the tiles 
and plank floors with this and never have a buildup.
By linda [61]

Since my dishes dry nice and clean without residue,
I have used a squirt of dish soap per gallon of hot
water on my high gloss soft vinyl and gloss hardwood wood 
floor for the last 15 years. No dull film or buildup at
all. My floors are as clean and shiny as my dishes and
glasses. Other dish soaps will probably work just as well.
If your dish soap doesn't leave a film on your glasses, 
then it won't leave a film on the floor either.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
  
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and
she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One
day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a
friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited
about the new baby.
"Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard
some of his parents' private conversations, he adds,
"And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a
girl we're going to call it Barny, and if it's another boy
we're going to call it Quits."

___________________________________________________



 the slap

____________________________________________________

While John and Jill were shopping at a mall, a
shapely young woman in a short form-fitting dress
strolled by...
Johns eyes followed her.

Without looking up from the item Jill was examining,
Jill asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in now?"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
One time I was at the Farmer's market and was already 
lugging a big, (in the late 60's) fashionable wicker basket
full of all kinds of fruit and veggies, when I spotted
large pumpkins with a sign "1 penny". That sounded 
too good to be true.

Well, on closer inspection I saw the tiny writing 
"per pound".
Too late. By that time I was hooked.

Since I was already overloaded I asked the farmer 
if he delivered, and gave him my address.
"yes, sure," he said, if you buy a gross."

I had no clue how many were in a gross, but I was hooked.
I wanted some of those big, shiny pumpkins.
He told me that he would weigh them and put the bill into 
my mailbox.

I had to go to church choir after the farmers market and 
we went for some wine and cheese at the preacher's house
afterward. So I didn't get home until quite late.

The front door was barricaded with a pyramid of pumpkins,
and half the porch was pumpkins 3 layers deep.

I had no key for the back door with me. 
So, after crying for a bit, I circled the house looking
for a window that I could burgle in through.
Then a cop car stopped and a suspicious cop stomped over to 
me and yelled at me, wanting to know if I was trying to 
break in to that house.

That made me mad and I screamed back at him just as loud:
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!"

He jumped back two feet, and looked things over. 
Then he started laughing. Really laughing and doubling 
over, slapping his thighs and laughing.

After that he helped me move the pyramid from the front 
door to the east side of the porch and make a pyramid there.

After that I could finally get inside, put away the veggies 
and fruit, and murder a pumpkin.

I didn't go for the bill in the mailbox for a couple of days.

Noella

____________________________________________________






Yikes! Too scary for me!





Today, November 6, in
1789 Father John Carroll was appointed as the first Roman 
 Catholic bishop in the United States of America. 
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth 
 president of the United States. 
1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of the 
 Confederacy in the U.S. 
1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. 
1903 Philippe Bunau-Varilla, as Panama's ambassador to the 
 United States, signed the Hay-Bunau-Varilla Treaty. The 
 document granted rights to the United States to build and 
 indefinitely administer the Panama Canal Zone and its defenses. 
1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of 
 Indian miners in South Africa. 
1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of 
 Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres. 
1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver. 
1935 Edwin H. Armstrong announced his development of 
 FM broadcasting. 
1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll 
 in the Pacific Ocean. 
1961 In the Saraha Desert of Algeria, a natural gas well ignited 
 when a pipe ruptured. The flames rose between 450 feet and 800 
 feet. The fire burned until April 28, 1962 when a team led 
 by Red Adair used explosives to deprive the fire of oxygen.
1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that 
 condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies. The 
 resolution also called for all member states to terminate 
 military and economic relations with South Africa. 
1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow 
 250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971. 
1973 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft began photographing Jupiter. 
1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, a 
 mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that march 
 into the nation of Western Sahara. 
1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst, sending 
 a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa Falls Bible 
 College in Georgia. 
1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over 
 northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents 
 to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban 
 resisters to the U.S-led invasion. 
1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19 
 Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota. 
1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced in 
 Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to being 
 the head of a family spy ring. 
1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by the 
 Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. had been 
 secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to secure the release 
 of seven American hostages. 
1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, the U.S. 
 announced that it would unfreeze $567 million in Iranian assets 
 that had been held since 1979. 
1990 About 20% of the Universal Studios backlot in southern 
 California was destroyed in an arson fire. 
1991 Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil fires 
 ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War. 
1995 Mark Messier scored his 500th NHL goal. 
1998 The Islamic militant group Hamas exploded a car bomb 
 killing the two attackers and injuring 21 civilians. 
1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop Britain's 
 queen as their head of state. 
2001 In Madrid, Spain, a car bomb injured about 60 people. 
 The bomb was blamed on Basque separatists. 
2001 Ten people were executed in Beijing, China. The state 
 newspaper of China said that all of the people executed were 
 robbers and killers aged 20-23. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 5

Thank You Cynjer!
Thank you Doug!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl 
in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 5, in
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Muslim Nidal Malik Hasan 
killed 13 people and wounded 30 others. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, 
but in getting up every time we do.
--- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

To punish me for my contempt for authority, 
fate made me an authority myself.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A major research institution recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
This new element has been tentatively named
"Administratium".

Administratium has one neutron, 12 assistant
neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant
deputy neutrons,giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force
called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Administratium has no electrons, it is
inert.However, it can be detected as it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Administratium causes one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it
would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of three
years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy
neutrons exchange places.In fact, Administratium's
mass actually increases over time, since each
reorganization causes some morons to become
neutrons, forming isodopes.

This moron-promoting characteristic has lead 
some scientists to speculate that Administratium 
is formed wherever morons reach a certain quantity 
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is 
referred to as "Critical Morass."

You'll know it when you see it.

______________________________________________________

Q:  How can I avoid always being handed other
peoples' drooling brats?

A:  Drop one or two.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Paul Rater, 
62,
Buckeye, 
Arizona



AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl 
in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger

A man in Buckeye, Arizona, is facing child endangerment 
charges after authorities said he left his 5-year-old 
granddaughter in the desert by herself with a loaded gun.

Paul Rater, 62, took the girl for a ride in his pickup truck 
Sunday afternoon in the desert. Family members reported the 
two missing four hours later.

The girl was eventually found by a firefighter who was riding 
around the desert on an ATV. She was crying for help, Maricopa 
County Sheriff Joe Arpaio told ABC15.com.

Arpaio told the station the girl was found with a loaded and 
cocked .45 caliber handgun.

"He told her it was to shoot the bad guys. How does a 5-year-old 
know the difference between good guys and bad guys?" Arpaio 
told the station.

Rater was found a short time later at a local store.

Investigators said he admitted leaving the girl in the desert 
and went for a few drinks and a cheeseburger, instead, 
according to CBS News.

Rater also told authorities the truck got stuck and he and 
his granddaughter had to walk for help because he forgot to 
bring his cellphone, according to KPHO TV.

When the girl couldn't walk anymore, Rater said he left her 
under a tree with the loaded gun.

Deputies said Rater came across several people while he was 
looking for help, but never thought to call 911. The suspect 
said he asked people to look for his granddaughter because 
he left her in the desert, according to AZCentral.com.

Witnesses at the South Buckeye Equestrian Center said Rater 
showed up there around 5:30 p.m. complaining about having to 
walk 10 miles. He never mentioned his granddaughter.

Rater's wife told deputies he called her for a pickup an 
hour or so later, after consuming a cheeseburger and four 
alcoholic beverages.

Rater was booked into a Maricopa County jail on suspicion of 
endangerment and two counts of reckless child abuse. He remains 
in custody on $25,000 bond, according to jail records.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Terry
Re: Reliable email program
Dear Webby,
I have tried Outlook and Windows Live, and am not
happy with either one. Which email program do you
recommend and use?
Terry

Dear Terry
I still use Eudora, and have used it since 1993.
Never a problem.

Thunderbird is based on Eudora and pretty well the same,
just prettier and has a lot more emoticons.

Either one is fast asnd reliable.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure
anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with
what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the
town grouch.

So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that
he wasn't anybody special.   "Hey, doc, I have lost my
sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin'
to do?"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little, then tells Mr. Smith,
"What you need is jar number 43."

Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders.

So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.

"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the
doctor. That will be $100.

So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.

One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor
along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts,
"I can't remember!"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little and tells Mr. Smith:
"What you need is jar number 43..."

Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled
the office.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Onions Fresh for Months

If you keep your onions completely dry, separated, and hanging, 
they will last you for months. Take a washed or new pair of 
pantyhose and stack your onions vertically, then store in a 
cool dark place. Additionally, if you tie a knot in the hose 
between each whole onion, they will touch each other even less, 
lasting a bit longer.
By attosa [133]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey.
His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to
look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded
the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant.
"Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that
if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"

He was acquitted.
___________________________________________________



male pole "dancer" - unreal

____________________________________________________

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a
92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They
decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.  En
route, with siren going, they questioned the man to
determine his level of awareness.

Leaning close, one paramedic asked,
"Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"

The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the
ambulance window.  He slowly turned back to the
paramedic and said, "Oh, I'd say about 50, maybe 55."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Does anybody read my blunder bit?

Noella

____________________________________________________






Beautiful landscape photography.





Today, November 5, in
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed when 
 he was captured before he could blow up the English Parliament. 
 Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th in Britain to 
 celebrate his failure to blow up all the members of Parliament 
 and King James I. 
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful 
 cataract operation at the Zoological Garden. 
1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting 
 to vote in the presidential election. She never paid the fine. 
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an 
 automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years later. 
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli. 
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers Company. 
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented third 
 term in office. 
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of 
 Representatives at the age of 29. 
1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re-opened.
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during the 
 Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later. 
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement at 
 L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. 
1967 In Moscow, the Ostankino Tower opened. It was the world's 
 tallest free-standing structure for nine years. 
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of 
 weapons to Iran. 
1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving 
 24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced 
 to life for treason against the white minority government. 
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong 
 evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child 
 (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was 
 shot to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin, 
 Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and was 
 sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World Trade 
 Center bombing. 
1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in Detroit 
 during a struggle with police. Two officers were later convicted 
 in his death and sentenced to prison. 
1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had Alzheimer's 
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight champion 
 when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th round of their WBA 
 fight in Las Vegas, NV. 
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed up to 
 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town. 
1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by delegates 
 from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany. 
1999 Dennis Rodman (NBA) and Carmen Electra were both arrested and 
 charged with battery and domestic violence in a hotel in Miami Beach, FL. 
1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft Corp. 
 enjoyed "monopoly power". 
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer Airbus and 
 Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint venture specializing in 
 airline services. 
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people 
 and wounded 30 others. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 4

Thank you, Cindy !

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Indiana man, who was arrested after he assaulted girlfriend
because she bought the wrong kind of toilet paper 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 3, in
1847 - Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered 
 the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

A loving person lives in a loving world. 
A hostile person lives in a hostile world. 
Everyone you meet is your mirror.
--- Ken Keyes Jr.

"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why
the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."
--- Evan Esar

"Economists state their GNP growth projections to the
nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have
a sense of humor."
--- Edgar R. Fiedler
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for
coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the
groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured
by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith,
you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his
hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to
pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?"

"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."

"Do you have any close relatives, then?"

"Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a
spinster nun."

"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied.
"They are married to God."

"Okay," the man said with a smile, "then bill my
brother-in-law."

______________________________________________________

The boss at the pub went up to the bartender and asked,
"Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!"

"Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender.

The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Clyde for this picture:


Strangest picture of Ireland: An Irishman without beer 
or whiskey in his hand!

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Bryan Alwine, 
27,
Muncie,
Indiana



Indiana man arrested after he assaulted girlfriend 
because she bought the wrong kind of toilet paper 

An Indiana man is facing a domestic battery charge after 
allegedly throwing his girlfriend to the ground during an 
argument over toilet paper, cops say.

According to a Muncie Police Department report, the victim 
told cops that Bryan Alwine, 27, pushed her so hard that she 
“flew” and landed in the street outside the home they share 
with their daughter.

The duo had been arguing, the victim said, “over toilet paper.” 
Alwine was allegedly upset because the victim had not 
purchased his preferred brand of toilet paper.

As first reported by The Star Press, the woman “further 
stated that Bryan is very specific on what he likes to use 
and that he began yelling at her while they were still 
inside the home.”

Officers responding to a 911 call Sunday night noted that 
the woman, who appeared “very frightened and nervous,” 
had a bloody elbow and a scratched knee. A witness who 
called police said that she saw Alwine “put his hands on” 
the victim and throw her to the ground.

Alwine, pictured above, was arrested for felony domestic 
battery. He was freed from jail Tuesday after posting 
$5000 bond. Alwine has previously been arrested for 
threatening to kill the victim, who told police that a 
“history of violence” between the couple has “gone on 
for several years.”
Muncie police reported that the victim is not being 
cooperative with investigators.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ann
Re: Mail from me
Dear Webby,
I get all kinds of mail that looks as if I had sent it,
but is definitely not from me.

I do send mail to myself frequently to file and keep,
but these mails are just spam or scams. What can I do
to stop that nuisance aside from changing my Yahoo address?
Ann

Dear Ann
Changing your Yahoo address would help for a while, but sooner
or later that nuisance will start again. We all get those
spam and scam mails.

I use MailWasher
With that I make filters to for example
mail FROM humor@webby.com
that DOES NOT CONTAIN "Humor: " in the  subject line
then delete it on the server, automatically, without 
even showing it in the list.

That way, when somebody sends a mail pretending to be
from humor@webby.com, but doesn't have "Humor: " in the
subject line, it gets murdered in the dark and sent 
straight to hell. 

You can send mail to humor@webby.com, just don't pretend
to BE humor@webby.com. 

You can have all kinds of code words that will legitimize
an email, for example 
DOES NOT CONTAIN    RegEx "Recip|Prayr|Shoplis|Gardn"
then nuke it on the server.

You can use all the "Regular Expressions" if you want,  but
usually you just use the pipe | to add a bunch of alternates
instead of making separate filters for them.

Then after that you put the appropriate keyword in the
subject line, and that email will be safe.

That trick also helps you to organize your emails and 
automatically send mails with "Recip" in the subject line
into your Recipe mailbox.  Most email programs let you
do that. So you win twice!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

A Navy Chief ('which Navy' will go unspecified) was
being court-martialed for an incident where he was found
to be chased by a young lady through the hallways of the
hotel in which they were both staying.

Neither of them were wearing anything. The charge was
that of "being out of uniform."

The Chief's lawyer argued that the officer was not out
of uniform, as the regulations read:
"A Naval officer must be at all times appropriately attired
for the activity in which he is engaged."

The charges were dismissed.

---------
Was that you, Jim?

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Stainless Steel Cleaner

Mix 1/4 cup vinegar, 2 tbsp baking soda, and 1/8 cup 
hydrogen peroxide. Add 4-6 cups hot water. Use a clean 
cloth. Dip cloth in solution and wring out, leaving cloth 
a little sloppy. Wipe down stainless steel with cloth. 
Allow to sit a minute. Wipe down with a dry cloth. Then 
wipe with a microfiber cloth. Very shiny! This solution 
also works to mop linoleum and tile floors and to clean 
the bathroom!
By kattt [1]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

It's a good thing we UNsubscribed Ms Burkenheimer. She
would probably consider this joke dirty.

Ed worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling
sporting goods. As an employee of Wal-Mart you are
sometimes required to make store-wide announcements,
e.g.,
"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at
the paint counter."

One night a timid female voice came over the intercom
system with the following message:

"I have a customer by the balls in toys and need
assistance."

___________________________________________________



true facts about 
the octopus (Not to be put in, but I love this guy  :-) 

____________________________________________________

The first time I heard the following story, it was told to me
about 20 years ago by Danny, a former carpet layer. Knowing
what he smoked, I actually believed him.

According to his story, Danny had just finished installing
carpet for a lady. He stepped out into the hallway for a
smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. He
rummaged in his toolbox and found a butt.

While he smoked that he surveyed the just finished room
and spotted a bump in the carpet in the middle of the
room.

"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of
smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get
out his big rubber hammer and flattened the hump. As he
was cleaning up, the lady came in.

"Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes.
"I found them in the stairway. Now, if only I could find my
gerbil."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
It’s a personal rule of mine to never litter.

My husband chewed tobacco. While out driving a few years 
ago we had a cup with his nasty stuff in it and it turned 
over in the car. We cleaned it up as best we could - 
no napkins - and our first thought was get rid of this cup 
so it doesn’t happen again. We're in the convertible anyway - 
he can spit out the window.

I’m thinking - we’re so deep in the countryside now, no 
one will know if I throw it. The trees were very close, and 
I decided to wait for an opening so the cup wouldn’t bounce 
back into our car. As soon as we came to one, I threw, right 
into the face of a farmer plowing his field! 
Noella

____________________________________________________






16 Amazing Stair Hack Ideas.  
I love the "reading room."





Today, November 4, in
1846 - A patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin Palmer. 
1847 - Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered 
 the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 
1880 - James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. 
1922 - In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the 
 lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. 
1939 - During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality 
 stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy 
 allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents. 
1939 - At the 40th National Automobile Show the first 
 air-conditioned car was put on display. 
1942 - During World War II, Axis forces retreated from 
 El Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for 
 the British. 
1952 - In the United States, the National Security A
 gency (NSA) was established. 
1956 - Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress 
 the uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956. 
1979 - Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran 
 and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The 
 militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send 
 the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages 
 were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 
1984 - Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years. 
1985 - Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was 
 returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had 
 been kidnapped by the CIA. 
1989 - About a million East Germans filled the streets of 
 East Berlin in a pro-democracy rally. 
1990 - Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to 
 fight a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait. 
1991 - Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in 
 Simi Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by 
 President Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter, 
 Gerald R. Ford and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st 
 gathering of 5 U.S. chief executives. 
1995 - Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, 
 was assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after 
 attending a peace rally. 
1999 - The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against 
 the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The 
 sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused to 
 turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with 
 masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in 
 Kenya and Tanzania. 
2001 - Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and 
 thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture 
 of sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba 
 received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S. 
 in nearly 40 years. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 3

Thank you Hermon !
Thank you Patricia !
Thank you Sig !
Thank you Heather !
Thank you Norma !



If you have trouble getting to sites, that you regularly
go to, like Arcamax or Gocomics, the problem is not at those
sites or at the servers they are on. The problem is that
a bunch of major fiber cable bundles have been cut.
One cut is nenar Kansas City, one is at or near Washington, DC,
and another one I know of is cutting off Newark and all
the data centers connected to the internet backbone there.
There is also a cut in the backbone about 108 km from 
Montreal.

How do I know? Did ISIS tell me? No.
I use Traceroute from one of the Webby servers. 
You can use the Windows tracert.

Click on START, type cmd and hit ENTER.
In the scary, black DOS style screen, type
tracert webby.com
or any domain you want to check,
for example
traceroute arcamax.com
If you see stars, those are breaks.
If you see 3 stars, that is a cut.

Asia looks even worse!
The Shanghai hub is not accessible.
Tokyo is cut.
Iran and Iraq are out.
India is down to 75%.

Africa is down to 0%,
so is Bulgaria, italy, Poland,Spain,
part of Sweden, and the Milton Keynes part of UK.

Australia is mostly at around 80%, as usual,
but new Zealand is 0%.

South America seems to have recovered except for Colombia.

I have no idea who made all those cuts or who coordinated
the cutting to all happen on the same day. 
There is nothing you or I can do about it.

Luckily our servers are not affected.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Iowa flasher wearing only trench coat 
and fake penis, who was arrested for drunk driving. 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa 
 Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

Men who never get carried away should be.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) 
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take
another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had
secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone
so he would have an excuse to leave if something like
this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes,
put on a grim expression and said,
"I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

"Thank God," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine
would have had to."

______________________________________________________

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day
that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he
went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that
read, "I'm the Boss."
He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
that someone had taped a note to the sign that said,
"Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Bonnie for this picture:


Atlantic Ocean in Hampton Beach State Park, NH about 
30 miles from my house.  Nice day & we enjoyed the 
walk on the beach couple weeks ago.  Like to share 
with y'all.
Bonnie in Candia, NH
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Ross McDonald,
39,
Iowa City,
Iowa



Iowa flasher wearing only trench coat 
and fake penis arrested for drunk driving. 

After being arrested for drunk driving, a Halloween reveler 
wearing only a trench coat and “a piece of cloth that 
looked like a penis” attempted to eat toilet paper in a 
bid to foil a Breathalyzer test, Iowa police report.

Cops yesterday pulled over Ross McDonald, 39, after they 
spotted him driving the wrong way on an Iowa City street 
around 3 AM. According to a criminal complaint, McDonald 
was “extremely confused” and could not tell officers 
“what bar he was coming from.”

McDonald, who claimed to have consumed two drinks, had 
bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and unsteady balance, 
cops noted. He also appeared to be dressed in a “flasher” 
costume: “Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece 
of cloth that looked like a penis.”

Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald “attempted 
to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with” the 
Breathalyzer. McDonald had initially refused the breath 
test, but “changed his mind after attempting to eat the 
toilet paper.”

Despite McDonald’s cunning plan, his blood alcohol content 
was measured at .165, twice the legal limit.

Since McDonald has prior drunk driving convictions, he was 
hit with a felony charge carrying a maximum five-year 
prison sentence. Seen in the above mug shot, McDonald was 
released from jail yesterday afternoon after posting 
$5000 bond.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Hank
Re: Black Screen
Dear Webby,
Still getting black screen when I surf and also stuck cursor.
I tried system restore and it wouldn't work.
Should I install the disc to renew installation?
 
hank

If you have a restore disk, then that would definitely be 
an option.
Some machines have a restore disk in a hidden partition.
Call Support of the manufacturer and ask them to walk you 
through a restore.

You have to do that, of course, back up all your data, 
spreadsheet files, documents you have written, addresses, 
tips and tricks and cheat-sheet files, and your awesome 
collection of pussycat pictures.

Also the setup files of all programs and the license numbers 
of all the bought ones.

A restore totally wipes out everything you got, and restores 
the machine to the same state, that it was when you bought it. 

A total back-up like that is of course highly recommended 
anyway, even if you are not going to restore just yet.

Before getting quite that drastic, you could try installing 
Chrome and then Uninstalling IE and FF. 

I would also recommend that you use the DeCrapifier at 
https://www.pcdecrapifier.com/ and weed out any program, 
that you are not actually using.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

A couple was going out for the evening.  They were both
ready to go, nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne,
cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their
home, the cat shot back into the house.  Not wanting
their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while
they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase
the cat out.

Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house
would be empty for the evening, so she explained to the
taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to
my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and
said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old ninny was
hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a wet mop
to get her to come out."

The cab driver almost hit a parked car.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Picasso Light Switch Plate Cover

Turn a plain white light switch cover into a little Picasso 
like painting.
Approximate Time: 25 min

Supplies:
1 light switch cover with screws
1 flat screwdriver
sponge to clean surface on switchplate cover
newspaper
permanent markers or acrylic paint
paint brushes

Steps:
Turn light off. Remove light switch cover if you don't 
already have one.
Place down newspaper.
Wipe well with sponge and dry.
Mark basic ouline with black permanent marker, including eye, 
nose, and mouth.
Paint and color, use your own ideas and colors. Have fun 
creating abstract art known as cubism!

Let it dry or speed up drying with a hair dryer.
When completely dry, screw in switchplate. Position the 
screws to match eye and lips and paint them.
Let it dry or speed up drying with a hair dryer.
When completely dry, screw in switchplate. Position the 
screws to match eye and lips and paint them.

All done! Enjoy your little Picasso like mini painting. :)

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn_-ckw4um8
By KIM HOGGAN [8]

You can, of course, also just glue wallpaper or any picture
onto switch and outlet covers. Spray-on contact cement
works best. Spray the switch cover and the back of the 
picture, let it dry a bit, and position it on it.
Trim the edges or fold them under it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A kindergarten teacher is walking around her classroom
observing her students while they draw. One little girl is
working especially diligently, so the teacher asks what
she is working on.

"I'm drawing God," the child says.

The teacher pauses, then says, "But no one knows what
God looks like."

Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replies, "They will in a minute."

___________________________________________________



2015 World Synchro Champs SP Team Canada

____________________________________________________

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a
woman: before marriage
  and after marriage. 

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
In the 1960s I was still very young and working at my very 
first job. To supplement my income I cleaned house on 
Saturdays for a friend. My friend was quite messy plus he 
had a large dog that shed pounds of hair, so it usually 
took several hours to clean his apartment. One day I was 
about ready to go home when he called to ask if I would 
place some chicken in the oven to broil as he'd be home 
soon. 

Where I grew up we fried chicken, so I knew nothing about 
broiling. I asked for instructions and he told me to pull 
out the rack, place the chicken on it and turn on the 
broiler. It sounded easy enough so I took him at his word 
and placed the chicken on the rack and turned on the oven 
to “broil.”

About 15-20 minutes later he came home looking forward to 
broiled chicken. You're going to have to "picture" this. 
What he came home to was chicken laying on the oven rack, 
the skin hanging and dripping between the slats! 
I had no idea there was a difference in oven racks and 
broiler racks. I sure did after I cleaned up the mess!
Noella
____________________________________________________






Watching these kinetic 
sculptures is mesmerizing!





Today, November 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa 
 Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa. 
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts Bay 
 Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate himself 
 to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity. 
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
 England insisted on monopoly rights to sell Opium.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at LaPorte, 
 IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger. 
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia. 
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis Chevrolet 
 and William C. Durant. 
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the Japanese 
 may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S. 
1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time in a 
 supermarket in Chester, NY. 
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade 
 satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into 
 space, a dog named Laika. There was not enough cooling and the dog 
 died from heatstroke.
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March 29, 1974 it 
 became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. 
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot to death 
 in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally in Greensboro, NC. 
 Eight others were wounded. 
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first broke the 
 story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the release of seven 
 American hostages. The story turned into the Iran-Contra affair. 
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of arms to Iran. 
1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their first-ever 
 face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain. 
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning her two 
 sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that the children had 
 been abducted by a black carjacker. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington 
 National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of Pan Am 
 Flight 103. 
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro 
 wrestler, as its governor. 
2002 At Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong, 777 people assembled a 
 58,435 square foot jigsaw puzzle with 21,600 pieces. 
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution 
 was unveiled. 
2005 Walt Disney Pictures released "Chicken Little." It was the 
 first Disney film completely created with computer animation. 
2014 In New York City, One World Trade Center opened for 
 business. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 2

Thank you Andy !!!
Thank you Carol !
Thank you Virginia !!.
Thank you James !
Thank you Richard !
Thank you Bonnie !
Thank You Gary !!.
Thank you William .
Thank You Svend !.
Thank You Ronald !

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Florida twin women arrested after holding up 
convenience store
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 2, in
1921 Margaret Sander's National Birth Control League combined with 
 Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League to form the American 
 Birth Control League. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous 
without ability.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
--- David Dunham
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Seen in a State Park in California:
"Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope)
Check the Rock.
If it's wet, it's raining.
If it's moving, it's windy.
If you can't see it, it's foggy.
If rock is gone, it's a tornado."


I wonder if that was inspired by the old 2 foot iron ball
windometer by the bridge outside of Lethbridge, Alberta?


One time driving by there a few decades ago I noticed the
ball was missing and mentioned it to my hitch-hiker.
She didn't think it was safe to drive on up to Calgary.
I agreed with her and we soon found safe and quite
cozy refuge in a really nice motel :-)

______________________________________________________

Church was planning a chili supper for the homeless,
and Florence agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather
mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program
asked Florence how she would describe her chili
-- three alarm or four alarm. 

After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other 
chili donations, Florence replied, "I guess you'd call mine 
false alarm."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Gary for this picture:



Hello Webby,
Huckleberry Lake is a favorite fishing spot of mine. 
Located in the Absaroka-Beartooth wilderness of Montana. 
It was the last picture the old 35mm took before it died. 
Feel free to post it if you want.
Gary Lorenzen

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for 
reporting this one:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Kirstie Bergeron, Kayla Bergeron
24,
Daytona Beach,
Florida



Florida twins arrested after holding up 
convenience store

Twin sisters are locked up on robbery charges after they 
allegedly held up a Florida convenience store at gunpoint 
Tuesday evening.

According to police, Kirstie Bergeron and her sibling Kayla 
walked into the Food Mart store in Daytona Beach and proceeded 
to a refrigerator, where Kayla selected a bottle of ginger ale.

The 24-year-old twins then approached the front counter. 
“I have a gun, open the register!” announced Kayla, as detailed 
in a Circuit Court charging affidavit. “Are you kidding me?” 
replied clerk Sabbir Ahmed.

Kayla then “removed her hand from her pocket and displayed 
what appeared to be a small handgun,” reported an investigator. 
As Kayla pointed the piece at Ahmed, the 37-year-old worker 
opened the cash register and Kirstie reached over the counter 
and snatched $230.

The Bergerons fled the scene in a black Volkswagen Beetle 
that was parked next to the store. But as the twins departed, 
Ahmed copied down the car’s license plate number. The siblings 
were soon arrested after a traffic stop less than a mile 
from the Food Mart.

Kirstie and Kayla are pictured in the above mug shots.

While cops recovered the stolen cash and the ginger ale, no 
firearm was found. Police suspect the weapon “may have been 
discarded” following the robbery.

Charged with robbery with a firearm or deadly weapon, the 
Bergerons are each locked up in the Volusia County jail 
on $25,000 bond.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Free Powerpoint
Dear Webby,
For some reason I have micros-soft office Word and Excel, 
but no Power Point program. Is it safe to download one of 
the free Powerpoint programs without worry about crap getting 
on my computer?  Thanks, I know it sounds like a 'dumb' 
question, but I want no virus or tracking stuff on my 
otherwise safe zones; I use both Malwarbeytes and Avast.
Again, I'm so glad your computer guru talents are available 
to people like me!  
SD

Dear Sandra
Yes, if you go to the vendors directly, it is perfectly safe.

You can get Open Office at
http://www.openoffice.org/download/

They celebrated their 100 MILLIONth download by last month.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

 One evening a few years ago my
friend Bill ran out of gas on his way home from work.
Being short on cash, as usual, he walked  6 Miles
to get home, and left his pick-up truck where it sat, in
front of the topless bar next door to the massage parlor.

By then his wife had gone to Bingo and he couldn't get
neither money for gas, nor a ride back to the truck, so
he cooked supper, cleaned up the kitchen and then
went to bed.

At the next church elder meeting, Miss Myrna,  the
town gossip ranted on about his immoral conduct and
about how she had PROOF, because she saw where
he had parked ALL night !

Well, Bill told his co-workers about that, and one of
them was a regular at that topless bar. That guy told
the story there. From then on, whenever he or his friends
planned to later take a cab home rather than drive drunk,
they all parked their vehicles in front of Miss Myrna's
lonely house, - and walked half a mile to the bar.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing a Stuck Lid from a Pan

My boyfriend was making burgers and wanted to melt cheese 
on top of one with a bun covering it. To melt the cheese 
faster, he put a glass lid over the burger and the steam 
sucked it into the pan and then it was stuck. I did a Google 
search for help without much luck. I left the pan in the 
fridge for a few days, took it out today and decided to hit 
the side of the pan against the concrete. The lid came out 
instantly! Try this instead of other methods and you'll get 
your pan back in record time!
By Stacy G. [1]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old
dance called the Politician.
"All you have to do" she told her class, is this:
two steps forward,
three steps back,
then side-step, side-step,
turn around"

___________________________________________________



Crazy dog chases it's own leg

____________________________________________________

Why did the Newfie businessman go fishing instead of
attending a meeting?

"Just for the halibut."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
The day was already going badly. I'm complaining to Bill 
that the milk had been left out all night, it was the last 
day to renew car tags, but we needed an inspection and 
everybody was closed, the shopping cart at Aldis won’t let 
me have my cart nor my quarter back. Then while unloading 
groceries I lock my purse and keys in the trunk. As I said, 
the day was not good.

I remembered the back seat pulled down, so here I am with 
my back killing me, crawling around the back of a small 
Cavalier fighting groceries. Finally find my purse and keys, 
crawl out and drive home where I have to unload groceries 
(about 6 trips) up six steps and into the house. Then there's 
laundry and emptying the dishwasher and putting groceries 
away. BUT I have to go back to the store because I forgot 
we need stuff for the Halloween party for 40+ kids.

I am really feeling sorry for myself and I'm complaining - 
crawling around did not help my back. I'm looking for 
sympathy, but Bill just questions, Why didn’t you use 
the trunk release beside the front seat? 
Noella
____________________________________________________






Best of the month of October, People Are Awesome. 





Today, November 2, in
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed his 
 title to emperor. 
1776 During the American Revolutionary War, William Demont, became 
 the first traitor of the American Revolution when he deserted. 
1867 "Harpers Bazaar" magazine was founded. 
1883 Thomas Edison got a patent for an electrical indicator using 
 the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat. 307,031). 
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car contest
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed support for 
 a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine. 
1921 Margaret Sander's National Birth Control League combined with 
 Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League to form the American 
 Birth Control League. 
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia. 
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber. 
 It was named DuPrene. 
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden airplane, 
 for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's first and only 
 flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed because of the white-gray 
 color of the spruce used to build it, never went into production. 
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was assassinated in 
a military coup. 
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to apply for 
 permanent residence in the U.S. 
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New Jersey 
 prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for the 1973 
 murder of a New Jersey state trooper. 
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed in the U.S. 
 since 1962. She had been convicted of the poisoning death of her 
 boyfriend. 
1986 American hostage David Jacobson was released after being held in 
 Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims kidnappers. 
1989 Carmen Fasanella retired after 68 years and 243 days of taxicab 
 service in Princeton, NJ. 
1992 Magic Johnson retired from the NBA again, this time for good because 
 of fear due to his HIV infection. 
1993 The U.S. Senate called for full disclosure of Senator Bob Packwood's 
 diaries in a sexual harassment probe. 
1995 The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly covering up $1.1 billion 
 in trading losses. 
2001 The computer-animated movie "Monsters, Inc." opened. The film recorded 
 the best debut ever for an animated film and the 6th best of all time. 
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the church's 
 first openly gay bishop.
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 31
End of Summer Time in most of North America.
Let your clocks fall back an hour tonight.
You get an extra hour of sleep.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Today's Bonehead Award 
and a Darwin Award goes to a
Tennessee fugitive killed in police shoot-out
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the 
 Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the 
 Protestant Reformation in Germany. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been 
educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) 

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think
of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--- Mark Twain

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then
to give a thought for the other fellow.
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a
ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man
and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied,
"You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"

______________________________________________________

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with
great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world,
I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the
wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in
the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced
with a wide grin, "For our .hic... clo-shing shong, let ush
shing Hymn # 365: "We Shall Gather at the River."

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by


Floyd Ray Cook, 
62,
Brookhaven, 
Georgia



Tennessee fugitive killed in police shoot-out

A fugitive accused of shooting a Tennessee police officer 
and firing at a Kentucky trooper was killed in a shootout 
with authorities early Friday, ending a nearly weeklong 
manhunt. 

Floyd Ray Cook, 62, was pronounced dead at the scene near 
Burkesville, Ky., after being confronted by state troopers 
and a federal marshal who were searching an embankment, 
a Kentucky State Police rep says. Cook was armed with a 
handgun and exchanged gunfire with the officers, the 
rep adds. No officers were injured. Cook was accused 
of shooting and wounding an Algood, Tenn., police officer 
during a traffic stop last Saturday afternoon and fled 
in a black Ford truck.

Just over an hour later, a Kentucky State Police trooper 
tried to stop him just beyond the Tennessee state line, 
authorities say. Cook tried to speed away but wrecked. 
He allegedly opened fire on the officer, missed, and 
ran into the woods. 

A swath of the border between Kentucky and Tennessee 
had since been gripped with fear of the man authorities 
described as "armed, dangerous, and desperate." 
Convicted of rape in the 1970s, Cook was wanted in 
Marion County, Ky., for failing to comply with the sex 
offender registry, a sheriff says. He also had previous 
convictions for robbery, burglary, assault, and riot, 
and he was wanted in Hardin County on an indictment 
charging him with trafficking methamphetamine and 
tampering with evidence.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Dave
Re: Keystroke recorder
Dear Webby,
I hope all is well. I wanted to know if you have hear of a 
program that will allow your computer to record the keystrokes 
and then "replay them" (to cut down on repetitive tasks)?

Thanks,
Dave 

Dear Dave
There are lots of those. They are usually called macro 
recorders. An old one has been in Windows since 3.1, I think.
The XP and up version is described with instructions at
Macro Recorder

Here is a review of the top ten macro recorders:
Top 10

Just pick the one that suits you best.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

A mother took her three year old daughter to church for
the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the
choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was
quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice
"Happy Birthday to you!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ice for Getting Gum out of a Dryer

When I found the gum, I didn't want to put a chemical in 
my dryer, nor did I want to scrape it with a knife and an 
ice cube. Here is how I got gum out of my dryer fast.

I had saved a couple of those plastic fishnet bottle or 
candle covers (open at both ends) in my junk drawer. I 
took a rubber band and sealed off one end of the plastic 
cover. I filled it with ice and sealed off the other end 
with another rubber band. I scrubbed using the ice bag 
as a sponge and followed with a dry rag. It made quick 
work of getting the gum out of the dryer.
By Mary Keenan W. [1]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

During a rather heated argument a teenager said,
"I didn't ask to be born."
His father: replied,
"Good thing you didn't  'Cause the answer would  have
been 'NO!!!'."

___________________________________________________



Restroom Mirror prank

____________________________________________________

After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a 6
year old boy asked his father what the preacher did the rest
of the week.
"Oh, he's a very busy man," the father replied. "He takes
care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the
poor...and then he has to have time to rest up. Talking in
public isn't an easy job, you know."

The boy thought about that, then said,
"Well, listening ain't easy, either."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Saturday mornings in St. Louis I'd walk downtown, shop for a 
while, eat lunch, catch a movie, and then walk home. This 
particular day even though my hair was a mess and really 
needed washing, it was very important that I pick up whatever 
it was I needed, so I walked downtown. While looking through 
the electronics department, I noticed on their television that 
there was a lady whose hair was similar to mine and I thought 
to myself, well, her hair doesn’t look so bad. The longer I 
studied the screen I noticed that her clothes were similar to 
my own.

I studied her a while, and I finally realized I was watching 
myself. This was the first time I’d ever seen a closed-circuit 
TV in use. I had to look around and make sure no one saw me 
“admiring” myself before I hurried out.

Noella
____________________________________________________






AirShow Budapest 
Beautiful town and awesome aerobatics





Today, October 31, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the 
 Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the 
 Protestant Reformation in Germany. 
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers 
 (Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis 
 resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been 
 damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the 
 stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini 
 had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and 
 their ability to withstand hard blows. 
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain 
 prevented Germany from invading Britain. 
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of work. 
 At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George Washington, 
 Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln 
 were finished. 
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a 
 German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered 
 World War II. More than 100 men were killed. 
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a 
 revolt against French rule. 
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land 
 an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first 
 person to set foot on the South Pole. 
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth, 
 TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the 
 time he was in Moscow, Russia. 
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all U.S. 
 bombing of North Vietnam. 
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as 
 Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. 
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain. 
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the 
 U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had 
 mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated near 
 her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, Rajiv, 
 was sworn in as prime minister. 
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns had 
 been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles Taylor were 
 blamed for the murders. 
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72, plunged 
 into a northern Indiana farm. 
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life in 
 prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in the death 
 of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released after her sentence 
 was reduced to manslaughter. 
1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with U.N. arms 
 inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the country's weapons 
 of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, MA, 
 killing all 217 people aboard. 
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran Church 
 signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Justification. The 
 event ended a centuries-old doctrinal dispute over the nature of 
 faith and salvation. 
2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time. 
2008 Distribution Video Audio, Inc. shipped its final shipment of 
 VHS tapes to stores. The company was the last major United States 
 supplier of pre-recorded VHS tapes. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Georgia man, who was arrested after he smashed Waffle House 
door to protest 50-cent biscuit hike
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton 
 County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave 
 uprising in American history. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

Few things are harder to put up with than the 
annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to
guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged as
he hesitated.

"I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the
trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten
years younger because of your looks of ten years older
because of your wisdom."

______________________________________________________

HOW FAITHS FIGHT FIRES
Recently, just as an ecumenical gathering was
commencing, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The
building is on fire!"

The Methodists gathered in a corner and prayed.

The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"

The Quakers quietly praised God for blessings that fire
brings.

The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring that
fire was evil.

The Roman Catholics called Rome for instructions.

The Jews blamed the Christians and demanded they should pay.

The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself."

The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"

The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.

The Christian Scientists concluded that the toxic fumes
from the burning carpets would kill them before the fire
reached them.

The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson, who was to
appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a
written report.

The Pentecostals danced and sang with joy, "The Pentecostal 
fire has come!"

The Unity Students proclaimed the fire had no power over them.

Some Atheists in attendance didn't believe there was a fire.

The Muslims stated it was Ahlla's will.

The Pastafarians grabbed the fire extinguisher, put out 
the fire and conrtinued eating their spaghetti.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by


Mitchell Harris Feinberg, 
39,
Brookhaven, 
Georgia



Man arrested after he smashed Waffle House 
door to protest 50-cent biscuit hike

Mitchell Harris Feinberg, 39, was arrested Sunday morning 
after police said he shattered the front door of a Waffle 
House in Brookhaven, Georgia.

The reason for the breakfast breaking: He was allegedly 
angry the restaurant raised the price for a sausage biscuit 
from $1 to $1.50, WSBTV.com reports.

A Waffle House waitress told police that when Feinberg saw 
the bill with the 50-cent price hike, he became belligerent 
because “someone had only charged him $1 [for a sausage 
biscuit] on previous dates,” according to the Atlanta 
Journal-Constitution.

Surveillance video reportedly shows the suspect get up from 
a corner booth, throw his bill on the floor and kick the 
front door on his way out.

When the glass shattered, Feinberg fled the scene, only to 
be arrested outside a nearby apartment complex a short time 
later.

Police said Feinberg told them he "barely kicked the door” 
when it shattered, and said he only kicked it because “he 
did not want to open the greasy door with his hand,” 
according to the police report.

Feinberg was booked into the DeKalb County Jail on charges 
of disorderly conduct, criminal trespass and criminal damage 
to property. He remains in custody in lieu of $2,500 bond.

The Brookhaven Police Dept. decided to use the incident as 
a teachable moment on Facebook.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Christine
Re: How do you know a caller is a scammer?
Dear Webby,
How do I know a caller is a scammer?
Couldn't it be somebody helpful?
Christine

Dear Christine
Except for close friends, NOBODY legitimate calls you
out of the blue about supposed problems in your computer.

You can ignore those totally phony messages about Microsoft
contacting you if they ever find out why a program locked 
up. That's from Windows 3, and they have never contacted
anybody yet, as far as I know.

If the caller claims to be from your ISP, then they are
just as phony. Your ISP does not give a hoot about what
goes on inside your computer, as long as YOU don't call 
them.

The same goes for anybody calling and asking any 
information "to verify that it is really you." 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

Who is known as the "godfather of America"?
German geographer and mapmaker Martin Waldseemueller,
whose book "Cosmographiae Introductio" was first
published in 1507, named the New World "America" 
in the mistaken belief that it was Italian navigator 
and merchant Amerigo Vespucci who discovered the 
new continent.

And the Indians are forever grateful that they were
not discovered while somebody got lost on the way
to Turkey.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sorting Socks into Pairs

The one item I never put into a dryer is socks, because they 
always seem to shrink in there. So instead they get hung on 
the washing line on good days, or indoors on a foldaway airer 
on rainy days. Either way, this makes for a good opportunity 
to sort socks into pairs at an optimum time.

It's a job I am sure that most of us hate, but if you do it 
as you hang them up it is an absolute breeze to sort out 
which matches what. Then very simply bunch the pairs together 
as you take them down once they are dry. Have a shoe box or 
something similar for odd socks and keep them in there for 
a few weeks in case their partners turn up on a subsequent 
washday.
By ShirleyE [29]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A young mother was visiting a doctor friend and made no
attempt to restrain her four-year-old son, who was
ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra
loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope
you don't mind Johnny being in there."

"Nah," said the doctor calmly, "That's just poisons in
there. They take some time but are quite effective.
He'll be quiet soon."

___________________________________________________



 The drunk

____________________________________________________

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised
his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and
said, I don't belong here, I should be in third
grade!'

The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told
him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed
when little Larry stood up again and said, I don't
belong here, I should be in the third grade!'

Larry did this a few more times before the principal
came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem.

The principal told little Larry that if he could
answer some questions that they could decide in which
grade he belonged.

Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the
state capitals and country capitals that the principal
could think of. The teacher suggested they try some
biology questions.

What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?'
asked the teacher.

'Legs!' Larry immediately replied.

What does a man have in his pants that a woman
doesn't?' asked the teacher.

Pockets!' said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, Maybe
he should be in third grade, I flunked those last two
questions!'

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
For as long as I can remember I've been plagued with 
trying to remember names and faces. All the tried and true 
remedies failed.

One day in the checkout lane at a new grocery store, a young 
man came up, pushed my cart away, and started bagging my 
groceries. I was wondering now how am I going to get them out 
to my car, they're way too heavy to carry.

I was about to ask for the cart when he asked if I wanted
help. Irritated, I said yes,� thinking now that you pushed
 my cart away, you CAN take them out for me. 
However, he was very pleasant and chatted about what a nice 
day it was. I replied that yes it WAS a nice day, I just 
needed to find my car. (I also forget stuff like that.) 
He responded, "Oh that's okay, I see it."�

 Surprised, I asked, How do YOU know where my car is?" 
His reply -- 
"I'm your next-door neighbor!"�

Noella
____________________________________________________






Let's arm chair travel 
around this big ol' beautiful world we live on.  It will only take about a week.





Today, October 30, in
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established 
 by Simon Bolivar. 
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton 
 County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave 
 uprising in American history. 
1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote. 
1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman 
 Silver Purchase Act of 1890. 
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper. 
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio. 
 The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live 
 news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners. 
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing. 
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of 
 approximately 58 megatons. 
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to increase 
 Social Security spending by $5.3 billion. 
1972 45 people were killed when two trains collided in Chicago. 
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator 
 Francisco Franco was near death. 
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline "Ford to City: 
 Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. President 
 Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed federal 
 bailout of New York City. 
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-Solidarity 
 priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was blamed on four 
 security officers. 
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 percent 
 of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space, 
 performed the world's first animal dissections in space, 
 while aboard the space shuttle Columbia. 
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian 
 President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's military 
 still in control. 
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a 
 referendum concerning secession from the federation of Canada. 
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane and the 
 39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist squads raided 
 the plane. 
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw out 
 the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between the New 
 York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks. 
2001 Michael Jordan returned to the NBA with the Washington Wizards 
 after a 3 1/2 year retirement. The Wizards lost 93-91 to the 
 New York Knicks.
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 29

Thank you, Pat!!
Thank you Clyde!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award and a Darwin Award goes to a
Dopey UCSB Student, who died from blood loss 
after punching through window
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an 
 independent commonwealth. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

The best ideas come as jokes. 
Make your thinking as funny as possible.
--- David M. Ogilvy

"Committees have become so important nowadays that
subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work."
--- Laurence J. Peter
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

More than anything, a young man from the city wanted
to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took
pity on him and gave the lad a chance.

"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We
use it to catch cows."

"I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as
he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for
bait?"

"City Slickers. Cows love chasing and scaring them."

______________________________________________________

The other night, Joe and his wife were going out for
dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow,
eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick,
and then turned to me and a dozen other mysterious
concoctions, and then asked: 
"Does this look natural?"

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by


Andres Esteban Sanchez, 
20,
Poway, 
California




Dopey UCSB Student Dies from Blood Loss 
After Punching Through Window

UCSB student Andres “Andy” Sanchez died in surgery Sunday 
morning at Cottage Hospital two hours after he punched 
through a window in his Isla Vista apartment and severely 
lacerated his arm.

According to the Nexus report, which relied on information 
provided by Senior Deputy James McKarrell with the Isla 
Vista Foot Patrol, Sheriff’s deputies responded at approx 
4:40 a.m. to the 6700 block of Abrego Road after receiving 
calls of a male subject running down the street screaming 
for help. 

When deputies came upon a panicked Sanchez in a nearby 
apartment complex, three people were holding him down and 
attempting to calm him. A blanket had been wrapped around 
his arm, and when the deputies removed it, they observed 
a “cut approximately three-quarter inches in diameter 
around his arm.” Witnesses said blood was “literally flying” 
from the wound.

Sanchez, a second-year pre-biology major from Poway, 
California, was transported to Cottage Hospital but died 
from blood loss just before 7 a.m.

One of Sanchez’s roommates told authorities he had rushed 
into their apartment earlier in the evening “talking 
gibberish, and obviously under the influence of drugs” the 
Nexus reported. At some point he punched through a window 
and cut his arm on the broken glass.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Francine
Re: Phone call about computer problems
Dear Webby,
You sure saved me some trouble today. I am sure glad I was
able to contact you via Skype while I was on the phone with
the scammer. You were hilarious!

Please tell all the subscribers about our little adventure!
You got a much better way with words than I do.
Francine

Dear Francine
OK, will do.
Francine got a call from somebody with an Indian or Pakistani
accent, telling her that she has problems in her computer,
that are affecting her ISP and the Internet.

Francine is a pretty smart lady and thought that was not
right. So she correctly guessed that my Skype handle is
dearwebby, and contacted me, while stalling the scammer.
As they usually do, he told her to click on START,
type Eventvwr and hit Enter.

Eventvwr is some ancient viewer from troubleshooting 
Windows during developing Windows95, and the "events" shown
are totally harmless and of interest only to programmers.
A print job, for example, can generate a dozen or more
Warnings and Errors, before Windows and the Printer agree 
on a proper handshake. No big deal. That's how Windows 
works. 

The scammer tried to scare Francine about the Warnings and  
Errors, and I fed Francine smart-ass remarks and dumb 
questions to sidetrack the scammer. 

Needless to say, she did not download anything and did not
agree to anything. The scammer wanted her to download
a program, so that he could reach into her computer and
"assist" her in fixing the problems. Yeah, right.

Much fun was had by us giving the scammer the runaround.
After we tired of that nonsense, Francine told the scammer
what to do with a Billy-Goat. 

If you get a call from anybody telling you that you have
problems in your computer, don't download anything, don't
go visit any pages, don't agree to anything, and don't give
them any information, no correct information anyway.
Play stupid, difficult, paranoid, aggressive, whatever.
Just don't cooperate. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

On their 40th wedding anniversary, during the banquet,
the husband was asked to give his friends a brief
account of the benefits of a marriage of such long
duration.

One in the crowd said, "Tell us, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful years with your
wife?"

The husband said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is
the best teacher of all.  It teaches you loyalty,
meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness . .
and a lot of other disciplines that you wouldn't
have needed if you had stayed single."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uses for Mint Tins

I hate to throw away those cute mint tins so I've come up 
with a few idea's to use them in the car or purse.
I put in some almonds/cashews (or your favorite) nuts to 
keep in the car for when I get a snack urge. Then I don't 
buy junk food......as often~

I also keep a few of my husband's meds in a tin, then if 
we are out visiting and stay over, he always has them!

I bring along my vitamin supplements that I take. I also 
bring along chewable vitamins like calcium chews or 
gummies for adults that we never seem to want to take at 
home and have them on the road. Then our gummy snack is 
actually a healthy one!

It's a great mini first aid kit and can hold quite a number 
of band aids, ibuprofen, alcohol wipes, etc.

I always keep a $20 bill and a number of quarters in the car 
as well. You could lose a wallet, run out of gas without 
your credit card, need toll money. You never know!

If you like to take spontaneous hikes or nature walks, a tin 
with a few additional items like: a whistle, matches (and the 
relighting birthday candles!) plus a pocket knife, mirror 
(for signaling if lost) are great to carry along!

These are ideas for just the car/purse, in the house the 
options are endless!
So don't throw out those tins!
By Donna [291]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

We stopped for a quick meal and the waiter brought us
each a bowl of soup.

As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen, Pa
stopped him, calling: "Waiter!"
"Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?"
"The soup. Taste it," replied Pa.
"I beg your pardon, Sir?"
"Taste it."
"But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
"Taste it," Pa persisted.
"Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest
ingredients."
"Taste it!"
The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right,
Sir, I'll taste it."

Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"

To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... "

___________________________________________________



 I GOT this dance!

____________________________________________________

The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased
that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly
led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said.
"I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better
than any I ever had over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use
domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
The year was 1974, I didn't have a crock pot or any other 
modern kitchen doodads. I had just moved into a new apartment 
and equipping a kitchen was the least of my concerns. As long 
as the oven made heat and the fridge made cold, I was satisfied. 

Anyway, a friend was coming over for dinner so I had to draw 
from my scant culinary skills. PBJ sandwiches came to mind but 
I was able to fend off the thought. I'd heard that you could 
put a roast in the oven, turn it on to 200 F (93.3 C), and let 
it cook all day. Sounded okay to me so in the oven went the 
roast and I left for work.
 
Eight hours later, I drove up to my apartment (an old house 
that was divided into units) and as I'm getting out of the car, 
I'm wondering what IS that odor? The closer I got to my door, 
the stronger it became. I followed the plume to a white oven 
that was now several endearing shades of brown. As if the 
experience hadn’t done enough damage to my ego, I proceeded to 
open the oven door. I didn't see how any more smoke could be 
in there, but my judgment was about to take the same beating my 
ego had suffered. There was a big enough cloud in there to darken 
all the adjacent apartments and then some! After gaining some 
modicum of composure, I grabbed a pair of pot holders and blindly 
reached around for the pan that held my roast. I found it just as 
I was ready to collapse from smoke inhalation and carried it out 
to the front porch. I tried to take the lid off but It wouldn't 
budge. After several minutes of praying and prying with a screwdriver, 
I was finally able to pop the lid. Once the smoke from inside the pan 
had cleared, I saw what had happened to my beautiful roast. I poked 
it with the screwdriver and found that it went all the way through to 
the air beneath the crust. Ninety five percent of my beautiful 
roast was billowing out of my apartment windows - the other five 
percent was in my lungs. It had not been a good day. 

I later discovered that my oven had one tiny eccentricity. No matter 
what I set it for, it cooked at 550 F (288 C). If I had gone to my 
mail box, it would have been done by the time I got back. 
Those PBJ sandwiches were sounding better by the minute. 

____________________________________________________






18 reasons you 
should never travel to Chiapas.





Today, October 29, in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that 
 had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy 
 against King James I. 
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an 
 independent commonwealth. 
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was 
 the founder of Pennsylvania. 
1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded. 
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, 
 was electrocuted. 
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution 
 of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, 
 later known as Kemal Ataturk. 
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the 
 Wall Street stock market. 
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went 
 on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price 
 of $12.50 each. 
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez 
 Canal Crisis. 
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use 
 close-circuit television. 
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight. 
1966 The National Organization for Women was founded. 
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all 
 school segregation. 
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. 
 He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him 
 over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season. 
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding 
 discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or 
 marital status 
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's 
 regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during 
 its occupation of Kuwait. 
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an 
 asteroid (Gaspra). 
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to 
 pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President 
 Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power. 
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the 
 Food and Drug Administration. 
1995 Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers became the NFL's 
 career leader in receiving yards with 14,040 yards. 
1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission 
 condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the 
 African National Congress. 
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn 
 on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the 
 first American to orbit the Earth. 
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for 
 $2 million at a New York auction. 
2001 KTLA broadcasted the first coast to coast HDTV 
 network telecast. 
2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


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not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man, who was arrested for attacking a
Karaoke DJ over mic volume
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly 
pathetic that it has to be us.
--- Jerry Garcia, (of the Grateful Dead) 

"The nine most terrifying words in the English 
language are, 'I'm from the government and 
I'm here to help.' 
--- Ronald Reagan
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The basketball coach stormed into the university
President's office and demanded a raise right then and
there.

"Please," protested the college President, "you
already make more than the entire History department."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put
up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an
example."

The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock
who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my
office and see if I'm there," he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out
of breath.

"You're not there, sir," he reported.

"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."

______________________________________________________

Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing
his wedding ring. She asked,
"Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?"
He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."
She answered back, "It's supposed to!"

______________________________________________________

Kansas 


My friend shared this tree with me.  I thought you might enjoy it too.  
Be safe and careful.  You are a valued person.  
Janice

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Joshua Fort, 
26,
DeBary, 
Florida,




Florida man was arrested for attacking 
Karaoke DJ over mic sound

The only record this karaoke singer will have is a 
criminal one.

A man in DeBary, Florida, was arrested Thursday morning 
after police said he assaulted a karaoke DJ at Blackie's 
Bar.

Joshua Fort, 26, was performing the Jay Z and Justin 
Timberlake jam "Holy Grail' with another man, when he 
sounded a discordant note at the job being done by DJ 
Omar Isaac, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.

Police said when Isaac didn't pump up the volume on 
Fort's microphone, the suspect responded in a way that 
speaks volumes.

First, Fort grabbed the DJ’s laptop computer and slammed 
it shut. Then witnesses said the suspect threw a glass at 
Isaac that hit the DJ on the side of his head. 

Fort is also accused of pulling the DJ to the dance floor 
and throwing him on the ground there, according to WNDB.com.

Fort fled the scene, but later turned himself into the 
Volusia County Jail, where he was charged with aggravated 
battery with a deadly weapon. He was released on $5,000 bond.

The suspect told police he ran from the karaoke bar because 
because he “knew he was going to be in trouble” and that 
“everyone would point fingers at him,” according to a police 
report obtained by WNDB.com.

Before his arrest, he was treated at a local hospital for 
injury to his left hand.

Because the alleged crime centered around karaoke, the 
Florida Sun-Sentinel suggested the suspect be shipped off 
to Sing Sing.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Tracker PDF editor
Dear Webby,
PDF Exchange does have a free version that is likely to be 
close to the same as Nitro. On their main page, in the 
upper left corner just below the banner is a graphic that 
says Get Free PDF Viewer now. If you click on that graphic 
it will download the free viewer. I liked their product 
so much that I purchased it, but I have many pdf docs that 
I must edit and annotate. 
http://www.tracker-software.com/

Neil
Dear Neil
Thank you for that info!

Marlene also reported on that:
"this is a program I have used for several years.  
this version is free"

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

A minister was planning a wedding at the close
of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the
couple down to be married for a brief ceremony
before the congregation. For the life of him, he
couldn't think of the names of those who were
to be married. So he simply asked:
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?"

Immediately, nine single ladies, four widows,
tree widowers, two single men and a lady in a formal
wedding gown stepped to the front.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Molasses Sugar Cookies

This is a crisp spice cookie. I make them every Christmas 
and give some away for gifts. They were my late mother's 
favorite and it reminds me of her when I make them.

Approximate Time: About 15 minutes plus 1 hour chilling 
and 8-10 min.baking time

Yield: Approximately 3 doz.

Ingredients:
3/4 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
2 tsp baking soda
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt

Steps:
Melt the shortening in a 3 or 4 quart saucepan over low heat. 
Remove from heat and let cool. Then add sugar, molasses and 
egg and beat well using an electric hand mixer.
In a separate bowl combine the flour with the rest of the 
dry ingredients.
Mix the wet and dry ingredients together. Chill for 1 hour.
Form into 1 inch balls and roll in granulated sugar. 
Place on a greased cookie sheet, a silicon mat or parchment 
paper. Space about 2 inches apart.
Bake at 375ºF for 8-10 minutes.
Source: A recipe on the bottle of Brer Rabbit Molasses
By Diana W. [12]

You can drastically cut down on the sugar and increase 
molasses to get traditional soft gingerbread cookies. 
You have to add more flour until you can roll the dough
into balls. They will melt into flat cookies in the oven.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

One day, Jean-Claude decided to take a trip from
Montreal (where he lived) to that great city of
Boston.. He went to the airport to buy a ticket and
found out the cost was $200 one-way.

Well Jean-Claude only had $110 on him. But he saw a
sign saying half-fare for persons under 18. Well, now
Jean-Claude had just turned 18 three months ago so he
lied..a bit. And got a ticket for $100.

Well during the flight, he talking with the passenger
seated next to him. And, in the course of their little
chat, he boisterously mentioned the 18th birthday party
his friends had for him. Since Jean-Claude talked
fairly loudly, a stewardess happened to over-hear
that part of the conversation and remembered from the
passenger list that Jean-Claude had only paid
half-fare. A few minutes later, the stewardess asked
Jean-Claude if he had $50 with him.

Jean-Claude, slightly embarrassed, replied, "I only
have $10, enough for a bus and a coffee after we arrive
in Boston..  Why you ask?"

Stewardess:"I wanted to know if you wanted to buy this
used parachute."

Jean-Claude, "What for?"
Stewardess, "You only paid half-fare and you're over
18. We are half-way on our flight and you have to leave
now."
___________________________________________________



 the internet cloud is not where you think

____________________________________________________

A passenger train in California is creeping along, slowly. 
Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor
walking by outside. 
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The
woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"

----------------
Yeah, I remember a train like that in Austria. 
It had little porches at each end of the wagons 
and signs posted: "Picking flowers while the train 
is in motion is not permitted." 
Seems the locomotive engineer got annoyed when the 
flower pickers passed the train.

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Out of Cascade? Wanna know what happens when you use about 
a quarter-cup full of Dawn dish soap in the dishwasher? 
Well, I did one day!

I'm in my bedroom curling my hair to go somewhere, and I 
hear one of the twins in the kitchen. "Uh, Noella? I think 
you need to come in here."

"Why? You guys need to get ready."

"Uh, Noella? There's suds all over the floor, Lots of suds, 
they're covering the whole floor!"

I groan, walk into the kitchen, and sure enough, there ARE 
suds all over the floor. They're headed for the computer sitting 
on the floor just a few feet away.

The boys bring lots of towels from the bathroom and I call my 
husband, who is laughing his head off. His solution - get out 
my Rainbow (dust and dirt is sucked into a container of water) 
and start vacuuming the water out.

You know what happens when you vacuum suds with a Rainbow? 
The motor starts sounding funny. So, I shut it off and open it, 
to find that it took the water out of the dishwasher okay but 
now suds are way up in the motor. I did remember the salesman 
told us that if that ever happened, disconnect from the water 
housing and run dry. Now not only is the floor still covered 
with suds, there's more water plus oil on the floor. And we've 
got to be somewhere in just a few minutes!

Moral of the story is - unless you want to use LOTS of towels 
to sop up water, never, ever use Dawn dish soap in your 
dishwasher!
____________________________________________________






Someone had a lot of time on their hands centuries ago!





Today, October 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the 
 American Revolutionary War. 
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor 
 by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and 
 is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty 
 Enlightening the World." 
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use 
 fingerprinting. 
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known 
 as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in 
 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. 
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government 
 and introduced fascism to Italy. 
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that 
 he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 
1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of collective 
 guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, 
 was completed. 
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard 
 Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, to begin 
 serving his sentence for Watergate-related convictions. 
1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution "deeply 
 deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada. 
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, pled 
 guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the abortion 
 pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution of the drug 
 after the government of France demanded it do so. 
1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called for a 
 complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military leaders. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that all the 
 troops there would be home by Christmas. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 27

Thank you Jim H.!!!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Iowa man, who was arrested after stealing a taxi
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the 
 first Quakers to be executed in America. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

Statistics: The only science that enables different 
experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A grandmother overheard her five-year-old granddaughter
playing "wedding."

The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say
will be turned around and used against you, you have
the right to have an attorney present. 
You may kiss the bride today."

______________________________________________________

Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes
towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My
husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them
'reruns'."

"You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a
Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!"

"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady.
"My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jim Hetrick for sending this picture, taken by 
Don Hole, one of his former students, who works the midnight 
shift at the Outer Banks Fishing Pier.:


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Luis Orellana-Rivera, 
26,
Des Moines,
Iowa




Iowa man was arrested after stealing a taxi

An Iowa resident arrested for stealing a taxi moments after 
his release from a Des Moines hospital told cops that he 
boosted the ride because he did not want to walk the six 
blocks to his residence.

According to police, Luis Orellana-Rivera, 26, hopped into 
a running cab parked outside Mercy Medical Center. The taxi 
driver told cops that he pulled up to the hospital’s front 
doors and left the car running as he made a delivery to the 
blood bank.   

Pictured in the above mug shot, Orellana-Rivera allegedly 
swiped the car around 6:15 AM Friday, immediately after 
his discharge.

Shortly after the taxi’s owner reported the vehicle stolen, 
Des Moines Police Department cops used GPS data to locate 
the Ford Crown Victoria, which was parked less than a mile 
from the hospital.

Orellana-Rivera was arrested as he exited the vehicle, which 
was in a lot behind his former residence. A “friend/former 
roommate” told police that Orellana-Rivera “has been having 
mental issues lately due to drug usage,” and has been 
“delusional and paranoid.”

Orellana-Rivera, who had the cab’s keys in his pants pocket, 
told police that he opted to steal the car instead of walking 
home from the hospital. Orellana-Rivera, who spent about 
six hours at the medical center, was wearing a hospital 
bracelet and had a pulse oxygen device still attached to 
his finger when apprehended.

Orellana-Rivera was arrested for felony theft and jailed 
in the Polk County lockup (where he is being held in lieu 
of $5000 bond).
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Edith
Re: PDF form fillers
Dear Webby,
You mentioned Nitro PDF program a couple of weeks ago.
My sister told me to get PDF-Exchange from Tracker-software.
What is the difference?
Edith
Dear Edith
If you just want to fill an occasional form, then the Nitro
will be cheaper. They have a free Reader, that has limited 
"typing" abilities. For buying stuff or filling out your 
taxes, that's good enough.

PDF-Exchange has no free version that i can see, but they
have much better typing and editing abilities.
If you are writing e-books and want to do fancy formatting,
then you might want to check out the PDF-Exchange.

You would still write the e-books with Open Office or WORD,
and save them as PDF. However, since neither of those two
are that good for picking up a PDF file and edit it,
an editor like Nitro or PDF-Exchange are handy for quickly
fixing a typo instead of opening the word processor doc,
fixing the typo, and saving it as PDF again.

And of course, filling forms is much easier with a 
dedicated PDF program like those two.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

A dog thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . They must be Gods!

A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . I must be a God!

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Splatter Screen For Popcorn

Here is a tip to release the aroma of popcorn but protect it 
from anything entering. Simply use a splatter screen cover. 
Great for home, picnics, or parties!
By KIM HOGGAN [6]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger
noticed a sign saying:
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!
posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed an old
hound dog sound asleep on the floor half way between
the door and the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused.
"That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to
me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing their
teeth out on the counter."

___________________________________________________



GoPro: Backflip Over 72ft Canyon

____________________________________________________

I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby
pay phone. "I know it's something you want,"
he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are
a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing.
As long as you're living in my house, I think you
should respect my wishes."

I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly
firmness.

Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma,
you're 87 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo and a
nose ring!"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
It's not a cooking story, but here's one:

I have several friends who consider themselves to be very 
spiritual.� They advised that I should watch the sunrise
every morning — that it would be a very spiritual experience 
for me. It sounded good, so the next morning I got up early 
enough to catch it.

I was still lying in my bed when I looked out the window and 
saw the most beautiful yellow light ever. I gazed on that sun 
as it was rising in the sky and felt an awesome sense of peace. 
Then it slowly dawned on me that the sun wasn't rising.

I went to the window to check it out and found myself staring 
at the light pole across the street!

I had a really spiritual epihany when I saw the light.
It was time to clean the windows.

____________________________________________________






Russian Dance Group Float across the Stage





Today, October 27, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the 
 first Quakers to be executed in America. 
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York 
 City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other 
 seven failed. 
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed 
 of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George 
 "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence 
 to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was 
 the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in 
 New York. 
1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 
 26' 2 1/4". 
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its 
 new synthetic yarn. 
1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring 
 Grouch Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on 
 NBC television. 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. 
 They had been married on January 14, 1954. 
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis 
 by calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis 
 in Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new 
 aspect of the agreement. 
1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime 
 Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the 
 Nobel Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving 
 a Middle East accord. 
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the 
 U.S. prison population had exceeded one million for 
 the first time in American history. 
2002 Emmitt Smith (Dallas Cowboys) became the all-time 
 leading rusher in the NFL when he extended his career 
 yardage to 16,743. He achieved the record in his 193rd 
 game. He also scored his 150th career touchdown. 
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of 
 Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected 
 leftist leader. 
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy 
 FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second 
 largest banking company in the U.S.
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 26

Thank you Shalla

Back in the saddle again.
Next injections are on January 8.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


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There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk collegian, who  called 911, claimed she is "Olivia Pope" 
and then warned cop of car bomb heading for White House
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone, 
 AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and 
 Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
In general, the art of government consists of taking 
as much money as possible from one party of the 
citizens to give to the other.
--- Voltaire (1764)
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

An EMT in southern Georgia was part of the unit 
that responded to a call from Coffee County late 
one night. They arrived on the scene and found 
a severely injured man lying at the edge of a 
field. His stomach had been completely torn 
open, and he was covered with lacerations and 
bruises. He also had a prominent tire tread 
across his chest.

The injured man's companion showed up in a 
racing model ATV vehicle, clearly intoxicated, 
and gave the following account.  Imagine this 
tale being recited in a deep Georgian accent.

He and his injured friend had been drinkin' 
and ridin' around the field on the three-wheeled 
ATV, when they sighted a stand of deer 
in their headlights. The friend, riding the 
back as a passenger,was struck with a great 
idea. "Hey man," he said, "If you quarter off 
one a those deer, betcha I can bulldog 'im." The 
driver thought this was an entertaining idea, so 
he proceeded to isolate a buck and race him 
down.

His intoxicated passenger proceeded to leap 
from the ATV, grab the buck by the antlers, 
and perform an excellent example of this
rodeo sport. He pinned the animal's head to 
the ground, but that's when things went 
wrong. The buck, less docile than a steer, 
simply got up, threw his head back, and 
tore his assailant's belly open. The deer 
then proceeded to stomp, kick, and butt 
him for good measure.

The EMTs noticed that this information 
accounted all of the injuries except one. 
When they asked the driver about the 
tire track across his injured friend's chest, 
he responded: "Well how else was I s'posed 
to git the deer off 'im?"

______________________________________________________

The closest to perfection anyone ever comes
is when he or she fills out a job application
form.
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jim Hetrick for this picture:


A picture of the "fall leaves in Ohio."  
Enjoy and again thanks for all.

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Kelsey Cousins, 
20,

Iowa


Drunk collegian calls 911, says she is "Olivia Pope" 
and then warns cop of car bomb heading for White House

An Iowa collegian who is apparently a big fan of booze and 
TV’s “Scandal” called 911 early this morning claiming to be 
“Olivia Pope,” and reported a sighting of “Cyrus Beene” 
outside an Iowa City bar, police say.

Cops responding to the 2:45 AM emergency call were flagged 
down by Kelsey Cousins, a 20-year-old University of Iowa 
student who is a member of the school’s rowing team.

Officer Brad Reinhard reported that Cousins, seen above, 
“kept talking about ‘Olivia Pope’ and about a car with a 
bomb in it that was heading to the White House.” The cop 
added that, “‘Olivia Pope’ is a television show character 
and everything that defendant stated was nonsensical and 
rambling.”

Actress Kerry Washington stars in “Scandal” as Pope, a 
Beltway fixer and presidential mistress. The “Cyrus Beene” 
character, played by Jeff Perry, is a scheming manipulator 
who was fired from his post as White House chief of staff.

The underage Cousins, according to a police report, smelled 
of alcohol, suffered from impaired speech and balance, and 
had bloodshot, watery eyes. She reportedly copped to 
drinking and possessing a fake ID.      

Following her arrest for public intoxication, Cousins, seen 
above, took a Breathalyzer test that registered her blood 
alcohol content at .206, more than twice the legal limit. 
She is also facing a second misdemeanor charge for misuse 
of the 911 system.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Samantha
Re: Clear Cache
Dear Webby,
Every time I have a problem getting to certain sites, that
are up and working, because friends tell me they have no
problem getting to them, the ISP's tech support tells me
to clear the browser cache. When I was still using IE, 
I used to know how to do that, not that it ever made any
difference, but I knew how to do that. Now, with Chrome
I have no clue about how to clear the cache.

Second question: Is there a way I can tell whether they are
just full of BS and are just giving me the run-around while 
they go ask mom how to fix the fluck-up at the station?
Samantha
Dear Samantha
On Chrome,click the three horizontal bars at the right top.
That opens the menu. In there click HISTORY.
In History, click CLEAR BROWSING DATA
In the next panel click EMPTY CACHE

You could set the time interval to Beginning of time, but
that is silly, since if tehre had been a cache problem,
it would be with a recently cached site.

Re 2: yes, they are usually full of BS if they tell you
to clear the cache.

The easiest way to prove that is to bypass the browser and 
use tracert.

Click on Start
type cmd  and hit enter.
Let's assume you are trying to get to webby.com/humor
On the scary black screen that opens, type
tracert webby.com
and hit Enter.
Don't type any part after the actual domain name.
After a few seconds you will see the route information 
appearing one line after another.
Just getting to your ISP is usually the slowest.
Eventually, the trace will wind up at the target domain.

If you get there without any potholes (stars), then
the route is clear.

However, if there are potholes, or roadblocks (3 stars),
then the route is obstructed, and the problem is NOT in
your browser's cache, since you didn't even use your browser.

To copy the trace route is a bit tricky, since it is in 
DOS format, unchanged from the 80's.
Right-click on the top frame bar, select EDIT, 
and in there select MARK
Then use the mouse to highlight the trace route, 
and hit ENTER

Then you can go to your email and with CTRL V paste the
trace route.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking
out children's books by writing the names of
borrowers on the book cards herself, she would
have the youngsters sign their own names. She
would then tell them they were signing a
"Contract" for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a second grader, who looked
surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four
books to the desk and shoved them across to the
Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

The Librarian pushed the books back and told him
to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his
name on each book card and then handed them to her
with a look of utter disgust.

Before the Librarian could even start her speech
he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had
knew how to write herself!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paperclip as Collar Stay

My son has to wear dress shirts to work and I launder them 
myself. He loses those little plastic collar stays all the 
time. He discovered a paperclip works like a charm! It's not 
quite as long but just as effective and easier to remove 
before washing. If this tip wins, I promise to give him the 
prize. He's saving for grad school.
Source: My son's brilliant mind and necessity
By Beth Pierpont H. [1]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to
open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had
been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember
it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked
for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the
dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared
blankly for a moment. Finally he look serenely
heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he
looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the
final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith,
pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a
piece of tape on the ceiling."

___________________________________________________



when neighbors 
complained about noise, this is what they found

____________________________________________________

Billy Bob and Bubba fly to Alaska for a fishing trip.
They hire a bush pilot and rent a boat, rods, and
tackle. After two weeks they have caught only one
salmon.

''MAN Bubba," Billy Bob says, "Do you realize this
lousy fish cost us about $15000 apiece."

'Wow," Bubba replies, 'At that rate it's a good thing
we only caught one of them!"

____________________________________________________






Russian Dance Group Float across the Stage





Today, October 22, in
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile 
 canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of 
 $7,602,000. 
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine. 
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone, 
 AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and 
 Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang. 
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden. 
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa Cruz 
 during World War II. 
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. The 
 battle was won by American forces and brought the end of the 
 Pacific phase of World War II into sight. 
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage from 
 40 to 75 cents an hour. 
1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great Britain. 
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner 
 from New York City to Paris. 
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile Crisis 
 by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S. agreed to 
 not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles in Turkey. 
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26 
 years on the Peacock Throne. 
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared, 
 "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam. 
1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to officially 
 visit to the United States. 
1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully landed 
 at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death by 
 Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency. 
1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first Israeli head 
 of state to visit Egypt. 
1984 "Baby Fae" was given the heart of baboon after being born 
 with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with the 
 animal heart. 
1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and Soviet 
 embassies in London to pressure the two countries to end their 
 arms race. 
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced it 
 was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill is 
 used to induce abortions. The French government made the company 
 reverse itself two days later. 
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American icebreakers. The 
 whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks in an Arctic ice pack. 
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach 2,000 points. 
1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a federal 
 correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin serving a 
 six-month sentence for cocaine possession. 
1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned after the 
 company recorded its highest losses in history. 
1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord, which was 
 designed to unify the country. 
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of defrauding 
 the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress. Dean was a central 
 figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal. 
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime Minister Abdel 
 Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty. 
1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th National 
 Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York Islanders in his 
 605th game. He became the second-fastest player to attain the plateau. 
 Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game. 
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile warhead. 
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won a defense 
 contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The contract, for the 
 "joint strike fighter," was the largest defense contract in history. 
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where separatist 
 rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116 hostages and all 
 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or gunshot wounds.
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means no Saturday, Sunday and Monday
newsletters will be sent out. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
SC teen arrested after his rape victim
bit off his tongue.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote 
 with a march in New York City, NY. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
--- Bruce Grocott (1940 - )

"The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have
enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or
not."
--- George Bernard Shaw
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please."

Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety, $1.95 each."

Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those
new Intels ?"

Customer: "Yes, it says Intel inside, it's a 17"."

Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these
$29.95 mousepads"

Customer: "But, is it Y2K approved ?"

Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe
you should better get one of these bue ones for
$49.95."

______________________________________________________

Bulletin Board Bloopers:
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to
make calls on people who are not afflicted with any
church.
---------------------------
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
---------------------------
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the
delight of the audience.
---------------------------
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing
services will be discontinued until further notice.
---------------------------
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great
success. Special thanks are due to the minister's
daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano,
which as usual fell upon her.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Antoine Tremane Miller, 
16
North Charleston,
South Carolina


SC teen arrested after his rape victim
bit off his tongue

-As she fought off a sexual assault from an intruder, a 
South Carolina woman bit off her 16-year-old attacker’s tongue, 
according to a police report detailing the harrowing home 
invasion.

The 33-year-old victim told South Charleston cops that the 
knife-wielding teen forced his way into her residence early 
Friday morning. While grappling with the attacker, the 
victim was knocked to the floor and punched several times. 
She told investigators that the assailant declared, 
“Stop fighting and I won't hurt you.”

The intruder then carried the woman to a bedroom and 
attempted to remove her shorts, police say. But the victim 
fought back and kicked the teen in the groin, which 
incensed him. "Now you have to die!" the assailant said, 
according to the report.

As the attacker forcibly “shoved his tongue down in her 
mouth,” the woman “bit...as hard as she could until she 
heard it snap,” cops noted. The screaming assailant then 
fled the bedroom, recalled the victim, who told police 
that when she got off the bed, “the suspect’s tongue was 
still in her mouth and she threw it on the kitchen floor.”

Upon arriving at the woman’s residence, police discovered 
blood in the bedroom, as well as the severed tongue (which 
was placed into a bag of ice). Cops also found a knife in 
the home’s yard. The victim, investigators noted, had a 
bruise around her right eye with swelling and scratches 
on her knee and foot.

Shortly after the attack, the teenager was located at a 
nearby Waffle House. Cops were dispatched to the restaurant 
after the suspect’s mother called 911 to report her son 
“not having a tongue and needing medical assistance.”

Police have identified the attacker as Antoine Tremane 
Miller, a North Charleston resident. The teenager, who 
has been charged as an adult, is jailed without bond on 
felony counts of criminal sexual conduct, assault, 
burglary, and weapons possession.

Miller, seen in the above mug shot, was treated at a 
North Charleston hospital, but a police spokesperson 
declined to say whether the teen’s tongue--which 
police transported to the hospital--was reattached.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Walter
Re: Unresponsive Script on W8
Hi Dear Webby,
I appreciate your looking into whether you can find a cure 
for the bothersome "Unresponsive Script" window popping up 
continually on my 8.1 laptop.

I gave the computer to the Geek Squad for a possible solution, 
If they find one I'll let you know.

Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
I found this:

A file called IEFrame.dll has registration problems. Every 
DLL file is registered in the system registry. The problem 
arises when IEFrame.dll file registration entries gets 
corrupted. 
In this case there is a manual way to resolve this issue. 
Unregister and reregister the file again as shown here:

1. Click the Start button.
2. Point to All Programs | Accessories.
3. Right click Command Prompt.
4. Select "Run as administrator".
5. Execute below commands-
regsvr32 actxprxy.dll
regsvr32 oleaut32.dll
regsvr32 ole32.dll
Regsvr32. Ieframe.dll
6. When you're done, type EXIT and press ENTER.

If this does not fix your problem, the best way would be to 
use Quick-Fix Patch.
It scans the whole system for problems related to DLL 
registration, missing file, and so on. It would take a minute 
or two to repair it automatically. 

UNinstalling IE would probably also take care of the problem.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Joan in Minnesota.
The Canadian Geese are back, a big event there.
Next come the Winnebagos.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Stuffed Peppers

An easy fall dish that's healthy and delicious!
Approximate Time: 90 minutes
Yield: 2-3 servings, 6 pepper halves
Ingredients:
3 bell peppers
1/2 cup brown rice
1 small onion, diced
1 cup crushed tomatoes
12 oz extra lean ground beef (I used 95%)
1 Tbsp minced garlic
1 Tbsp garlic salt
1 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese

Steps:
Slice the peppers in half length wise and scoop out seeds 
and pith. Rinse and set in a baking dish, cut side up.
Saute' garlic and onion in olive oil for 5 minutes or until 
softened. Add in ground beef and cook until brown.
Cook rice as directed. Add in tomatoes, garlic salt, and 
ground beef mixture in last 5 minutes of cooking.
Bake peppers alone for 15 minutes at 350 F. Then spoon 
stuffing mixture evenly over peppers, returning to oven to 
bake for 30 minutes at 400 F.
Add mozzarella cheese evenly over peppers. Broil for 5 minutes 
or until browned.
Serve up with tomato sauce if desired.
Link: www.triingforbalance.blogspot.com
By Rae [1]

That takes less skill but quite a bit more work than 
regular, old-fashioned stuffed peppers. 

For those, hollow out the peppers, and 
for the beef use regular ground beef. It is cheaper and
has much more flavor.

Murdering onions by just softening them would get you
yelled at in my kitchen. Sautee them properly until they 
are hazelnut brown! Gently stir them while you do that,
so that they don't get black edges. NO email-checking
during the sauteeing!

For the rice, DO NOT cook it as directed! 
That produces a silly mush after baking. If you nuke 
the rice, deduct a minute, and don't let it steep covered 
like you would if you use it as a side dish!

Mix the rice and the rest of the ingredients except cheese
and stuff it into the hollowed out peppers.
That is why they are called stuffed peppers.

when full, add the cheese and cap it with the original
top after carving off the seed pith.
Add a cup of slightly watered down pasta sauce, 
about 3/4 to 1 inch high in the casserole or crock pot.
I drain the "spiced, crushed tomatoes" a bit and use that
liquid to thin down the pasta sauce.
Bake in the oven in a casserole at 350 for 25 minutes 
or in a crock pot for a few hours. 

THEN you get proper, old-fashioned STUFFED Peppers,
that taste just like your gramma's stuffed peppers did.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A number of children from the neighborhood were
invited to Mrs. Johnson's for dinner. She decided to do
something different while serving the meal.

"Where are you originally from?" she asked one child.
"California," said the boy.
"Well then, I will give you the left wing."
She turned to another boy and asked, "Where are
YOU from?"
"New York," he answered.
And she said, "You get the right wing."
She turned to the third boy and asked, "Where are
you from?"

He said, "I'm from New Orleans and I ain't hungry!"

___________________________________________________



when neighbors 
complained about noise, this is what they found

____________________________________________________

Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda
notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her,
"Is something bugging you? You look anxious."

"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and
life savings in the stock market," Jill explained.

"Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure
you're feeling sorry for him."

"Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."

____________________________________________________






There’s an annual Straw Art 
Festival in Japan and it looks awesome!





Today, October 22, in
1910 - Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a 
 public solo airplane flight in the United States. 
1915 - Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to 
 vote with a march in New York City, NY. 
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 
 starting the stock-market crash that began the Great Depression. 
1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive 
 against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began. 
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet 
 occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary 
 and eventually suppress the uprising. 
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded the 
 Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the honor 
 due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the award for 
 writing "Dr. Zhivago". 
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval "quarantine" 
 of Cuba was approved by the Council of the Organization of 
 American States (OAS). 
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began 
 overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and seat 
 Communist China. 
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the 
 subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of hostility 
 when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 
1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin 
 was announced. 
1984 "NBC Nightly News" aired footage of the severe drought 
 in Ethiopia. 
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years of 
 Soviet rule. 
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese emperor 
 to stand on Chinese soil. 
1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill 
 Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn Bosnia. 
1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian 
 Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a land-for-peace 
 West Bank accord. 
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 
2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In 2010, 
 it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. 
2015  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida couple arrested after they left 
name and phone number in gallery guestbook before robbery
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute 
 jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and 
suspicious of men who try to.
--- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980) 
______________________________________________________

If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Jean
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes 
of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"

The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."

The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. 
I had five."

The third old guy said, "I had seven riders, the same as 
last time."

The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 
riders today."

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who 
had heard the old guys talking about their game went to 
the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time 
and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but 
what's a rider?"

The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough 
to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it."

______________________________________________________

Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an
expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed
Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the
Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied
that he would.

The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer
again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Megan Ohara, 24
David Ziskowski, 19
Palm Beach,
Florida


Florida couple arrested after they left 
name and phone number in gallery guestbook before robbery

Authorities say a man and woman left the woman's name and 
telephone number in the guestbook of a South Florida art 
gallery before stealing about $6,000 worth of jewelry.

Palm Beach police say 24-year-old Megan Ohara and 19-year-old 
David Ziskowski took a bracelet and a ring Sunday from the 
Attila JK exhibition at the ICFA Gallery. They were spotted 
a short time later at a nearby grocery, and police reported 
finding the jewelry in the woman's purse.

Officers found multiple fake email addresses and at least 
one obscene drawing in the gallery's guestbook. The South 
Florida Sun Sentinel (http://goo.gl/UEPiqq ) reports that 
two of the fake emails included the name "Meg" and one 
included Ohara's phone number.

Ohara and Ziskowski were arrested and charged with grand 
theft. 
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Walter
Re: Unresponsive Script on W8
Hi Dear Webby,
I once again seek the help of the western hemisphere's 
preeminent cyber guru.

Quite frequently on my 8.1 Windows laptop, Firefox browser, 
a window comes up, saying "Warning: Unresponsive Script." 
The screen then freezes and to correct this problem I have 
to reboot.

Have you an answer on how to prevent this from happening?

Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
"Just a routine Windows 8 F...up".

Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to open the Taskmanager
sort by Memory
locate and highlight FireFox
Hit END PROCESS in the right bottom corner.
It will close FireFox and unlock W8.

Chrome seems to be able to deal with that 
problem more intelligently and lets you stop
and restart unresponsive scripts.

Unfortunately, that only gets you over a symptom of the
problem, and does not cure it. I will look for a possible
cure.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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______________________________________________________

An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and 
asked for the price of their toilet paper. The company 
wrote back telling him to look on page #346 of their 
catalog. 

He wrote another letter to the company that said: 
"If you had not stopped sending me catalogs, I would not 
need any toilet paper."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Your Pumpkin from Spoiling

It is Jack-o-Lantern time! I always wait until the last 
minute to carve my pumpkin because it seems like it starts 
to rot the next day. I saw a special on TV where they 
immerse the cut pumpkin in a solution of water and bleach. 
You keep it in for a while and make sure it gets submerged 
and every cut surface is treated. Let it drain for a while. 
Just make sure you wear old clothes and use plastic gloves. 
I think Rubbermaid would be the best. I don't know the 
percentage of bleach to water, or how long to keep in the 
liquid. Before I have tried using salt and water or vinegar 
but the pumps didn't last any longer.
Source: TV special Extreme Hallowe'en I think it was
By Nightsong [37]
 
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was
sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to
pray?"

One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to
pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us
put on our life jackets - we're one short."

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July 31, 2015
moonrise over Cape Byron Lighthouse, on Belongil Beach, Byron Bay, New South Wales, Australia. The head land and lighthouse at Byron Bay is the most easterly point of the Australian Mainland and therefor is the first place in Australia to watch the full moon rise. This video is made up of 1038 frames and slowed down to as close to real time as possible. 

____________________________________________________

When I consider how sweaters tend to make me
sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker.

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Body paint for Halloween





Today, October 22, in
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It 
 later became known as Princeton University. 
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute 
 jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally 
 elected president of the Republic of Texas. 
1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment" 
 among those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected to 
 come to an end according to the followers of William Miller. 
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment 
 with a high-resistance carbon filament. 
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing 
 money from many New York banks. 
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 
1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to 
 inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces 
 to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the 
 discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island. 
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The spacecraft 
 had orbited the Earth 163 times. 
1975 Air Force Technical Sergeant Leonard Matlovich was discharged 
 after publicly declaring his homosexuality. His tombstone reads 
 "A gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the military they gave 
 me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one." 
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was allowed 
 into the U.S. for medical treatment. 
1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization was 
 decertified by the federal government for its strike the previous August. 
1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade Association 
 agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations by the year 1993. 
1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in which it 
 defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to 
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in July. 
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications downloaded. 
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) for the 
 longest continuous human occupation of space. It had been continously 
 inhabited since November 2, 2000. 
2015  smiled.