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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 9

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man Arrested On Meth Charges 
Wears Ironic T-Shirt In Mug Shot
Today, November 9 in
1911 George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent on
neon advertising signs. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Gloria for this story: Fresh from the shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, stands in front of the mirror and rubs it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops, getting suspicious. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make them bigger over the years?" "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He lived, and with some therapy, he may even walk again... _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "Just sidetrack her hubby for a few minutes." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Sleeping is not just for meetings any more! Australia - Rather than crumbling into unsightly heaps on their desks, Sydney workers may soon have access to a comfortable and legitimate place to nap at their offices. MetroNaps Australia launched its sleep pods in the foyer of the ABN AMRO building, on the corner of Phillip and Bent Sts in the city. Busy workers are invited to stop in and put up their feet for 20 minutes to relax and rejuvenate in style. Nappers' privacy is secured by the darkness of the dome shaped pod, which lets them drift into a light sleep to the sound of relaxing music on a pair of headphones. It is a pastime that people in Copenhagen and New York are already starting to enjoy. "A nap will improve mood levels, information processing abilities and production levels of staff." Following an efficient 20-minute nap at noon yesterday, futures broker Mark Bryant said the time out was well-spent. "I found especially the music and blackout effect helped clear my mind to be able to refocus," he said. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Adrian Harold Pounders, Crocket, Texas Man Arrested On Meth Charges Wears Ironic T-Shirt In Mug Shot A Texas man was wearing an anti-drug T-shirt when he was arrested last weekend for alleged possession of methamphetamine. In his booking photograph, Adrian Harold Pounders wore a top that read “” The web address he proudly promoted on his chest ironically links to an anti-meth drive that warns Texans about the dangers of the highly addictive drug. Pounders, 47, was detained when cops raided his home in Crockett on Sunday. According to a Crockett Police Department Facebook post, the officers executed a search warrant after being tipped off during an earlier traffic stop that illegal narcotics were located inside his residence. “While executing the search warrant officers recovered methamphetamine, and numerous items of drug paraphernalia,” the Facebook post adds. The value of the drugs has not been revealed. Pounders was charged with felony possession of a controlled substance and misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia, reports KYTX. He also faces charges of abandoning or endangering a child, as his 13-month-old son was at the property. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Anita Re: PayPal Congratulation mail Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I got some mails, supposedly from PayPal, that start with Congratulations Dear Lucky Winning, We are very happy to inform you ... Are they scam or should I tell them what they ask for? Anita Dear Anita PayPal and Facebook already have all your data. They dont need some turdy spam to con it out of you. I got those scam-spam letters too, saw them in Mailwasher, already flagged for deleting. I thought it was rather hilarious that you were supposed to send your street address to ! Just have a quick laugh and dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby

One weekend my friend, a nurse, was looking after her six year old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When she went in at 5 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read, "My name is Daniel." --------------------- They usually just do that with serious head injuries and brain surgery, but some nurses can get quite carried away. I remember one who insisted on writing her name and the time of each check onto the sole of my right foot with a fine point ball pen. And when she ran out of space, she continued on my left foot. I tell ya, that can wake a guy out of the most cozy coma!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Trevor: DRAWBACKS OF WORKING IN A CUBICLE [Or, "Welcome to my life."] * Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds. * When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam. * Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long. * 23 power cords - 1 outlet. * The carpet has been there since 1976 (or before) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers. * If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you." * You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone. * When you kill a fly with your 16 inch plastic ruler, a dozen people dial 911 to report the shooting. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Get Firewood Now, Don't Wait for Winter You can save money on firewood by getting it in early summer and late spring. For starters, you pay a premium the closer you get to cold weather. And, you don't have to limit yourself to buying firewood that is completely dry, it will cure over the summer months and be ready to burn when you need it. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove. At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters: "Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?" __________________________________________________
Strange growing rocks in Romania.
NEWS FLASH! - Brian/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." ____________________________________________________

Today, November 9, in 
1872 A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA. 

1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to
see the progress on the new canal. It was the first foreign
trip by a U.S. president. 

1911 George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent on
neon advertising signs. 

1918 Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would
abdicate. He then fled to the Netherlands. 

1923 In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German
troops that were loyal to the democratic government. The
event began the evening before when Adolf Hitler took
control of a beer hall full of Bavarian government leaders
at gunpoint. 

1935 United Mine Workers president John L. Lewis and other
labor leaders formed the Committee for Industrial

1938 Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500
Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews,
and rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that
became known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass." 

1953 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a 1922 ruling that major
league baseball did not come within the scope of federal
antitrust laws. 

1961 Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a world
record speed of 4,093 mph. 

1963 In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust

1963 In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash. 

1965 The great Northeast blackout occurred as several states
and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power failures
lasting up to 13 1/2 hours. 

1967 A Saturn V rocket carrying an unmanned Apollo
spacecraft blasted off from Cape Kennedy on a successful
test flight. 

1976 The U.N. General Assembly approved ten resolutions
condemning the apartheid government in South Africa. 

1979 The United Nations Security Council unanimously called
upon Iran to release all American hostages "without delay."
Militants, mostly students had taken 63 Americans hostage at
the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4. 

1981 U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week
Rapid Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman
were also involved in the operation. 

1981 The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion
loan to India. It was the highest loan to date. 

1982 Sugar Ray Leonard retired from boxing. In 1984 Leonard
came out of retirement to fight one more time before
becoming a boxing commentator for NBC. 

1984 A bronze statue titled "Three Servicemen," by Frederick
Hart, was unveiled at the site of the Vietnam Veterans
Memorial in Washington, DC. 

1989 Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing its
citizens to travel freely to West Germany. 

1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a non-
aggression treaty with Germany. 

1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin, visiting London,
appealed for assistance in rescheduling his country's debt,
and asked British businesses to invest. 

2004 U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened
Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House to

2017  smiled.

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Shutter delay on cameras 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 8

Thank you, Joseph!

I gave up my Business account with Telus. $180 a month for a
lousy 15 mbps, that they kept throttling down to 10, was not
justified. So I dropped the business account and got a plain
Jane home account for half the cost and 25 Mbps.
They said it would take 3 hours for the installation. Well,
a guy who looked about my age, came in, swapped the modem
and I was running at 25 Mbps. 15 minute job.

I had to re-establish the home network, but that was not a
big deal. 

I should have made the switch a long time ago!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 arrewsted for selling heroin from school bus
Today, November 8 in
1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity
reported the scientific principle involved. He took the
first X-ray pictures, of his hand. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. --- Quentin Crisp Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them. --- Ralph Gerard The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. --- Dudley Moore (1935 - 2002) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Mary for this story: An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter,"Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day." ______________________________________________________ Newfoundland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barb for this classic: Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rudencia Montes, 43, Juan Miranda-Ortiz, 33, Corrine Gentile, 33, Framingham, Massawhosits Heroin dealing from school bus, 3 arrests The driver of a van that transports special needs students to schools in Massachusetts allowed her boyfriend to sell drugs out of vehicle, according to authorities. Rudencia Montes, 43, a driver for an educational nonprofit for special needs students, was arrested on Friday after an officer witnesses a drug deal involving the van she was driving, Framingham Police told Boston 25 News. Montes was driving a white minivan that had a school sign on the roof when she turned into a park parking lot and another car pulled up next to the van, police said. The driver of the car, Corrine Gentile, 33, was seen by an officer completing a drug deal with the passenger of the van, Juan Miranda-Ortiz, 33, Framingham police spokeswoman Patricia Grigas told Boston 25 News. When police pulled over Gentile, they found an envelope containing two packets of heroin, authorities said. A subsequent traffic stop of Montes revealed an envelope inside the van that matched the one found earlier in Gentile's car, according to police. Montes and Miranda-Ortiz were charged with distributing heroin, conspiracy to violate the state's drug laws and a park zone violation, while Gentile was charged with possession of heroin and conspiracy to commit a crime. he educational nonprofit Montes drove for, Accept Education Collaborative, said it fired the 43-year-old after her arrest Friday. A spokesperson said no students were present or involved in the alleged drug deal. “We take these matters very seriously. The safety of our students is our No. 1 concern," Executive Director Marcia Berkowitz told Boston 25 News in a statement. At a court appearance on Monday, Montes was held on $5,000 bail; Miranda-Ortiz was held on $25,000 bail; and Gentile was released on $200 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Art Re: Shutter Delay Dear Webby, Dear Webby, My digital camera, a fairly expensive Kodak, has this very annoying delay between clicking a picture and it actually taking it. It seems totally useless for action shots. Am I doing something wrong? Art Dear Art All digital cameras have SOME shutter delay. However, just like a Porsche takes off a lot faster than a farm tractor, that costs exactly the same amount of money, there is a very noticeable difference between different cameras. The quick action on my good old Canon Powershot was one of the major reasons for selecting it. When I need absolutely instant action, I line up an approximate shot and depress the shutter half way, to lock in the settings. Then when the bird is in the zoom center, I sqeeze the shutter all the way down and the picture is perfect. With cameras, that have a slower computer, you have to lead the same way as with a shotgun, and click before the action happens. Then it can slowly measure the distance and brightness and contrast, and adjust everything accordingly. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Roland for this story: A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son." "Oh, that's ok," he said. "I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled. Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day, the man went to pay for his groceries. "That'll be 105 dollars," said the clerk. "How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things!" "Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for hers."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our 28-member family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" my brother asked. "There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Keeping Paint Off Hinges It can be difficult to put masking tape on hinges to keep paint off them. Instead, cover them with petroleum jelly. Any paint that gets on them will be easy to wipe off, even after the paint dries. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" __________________________________________________
Strange growing rocks in Romania.
From Zilla It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Dear Webby I love the delightful potpourri of humor and tips you send me every morning, and am grateful for your dilligent work! Margo ____________________________________________________

Today, November 8, in 
1793 The Louvre Museum, in Paris, opened to the public for
the first time. 

1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The
expedition was led by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis.
The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of
exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory. 

1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity
discovered the scientific principle involved and took the
first X-ray pictures. 

1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator. 

1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power in
Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be known
as the "Beer-Hall Putsch." He was sent to jail for that,
where he wrote his "Mein Kampf".

1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive
order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The
organization was designed to create jobs for more than 4
million unemployed people in the U.S. 

1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria. 

1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S. and
British forces landed in French North Africa. 

1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle
took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot down
a North Korean MiG-15. 

1954 The American League approved the transfer of the
Philadelphia Athletics baseball team to Kansas City, MO. 

1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company
decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry
Ford's only son. The socialist media did not approve.

1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California. 

1979 The program, "The Iran Crisis: America Held Hostage",
premiered on ABC-TV. The show was planned to be temporary,
but it evolved into "Nightline" in March of 1980. 

1979 U.S. Senators John Warner (R-VA) and Mac Mathias (R-MD)
introduced legislation to provide a site on the National
Mall for the building of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 

1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in
California announced that they had discovered a 15th moon
orbiting the planet Saturn. 

1981 Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek asserted that Egypt
was "an African State" that was "neither East nor West". 

1985 A letter signed by four American hostages in Lebanon
was delivered to The Associated Press in Beirut. The letter,
contained pleas from Terry Anderson, Rev. Lawrence Jenco,
David Jacobsen and Thomas Sutherland to President Reagan to
negotiate a release. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop
deployments in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000
soldiers to the multi-national force fighting against Iraq. 

1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic
sanctions on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan
civil war. 

1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist

1993 Five Picasso paintings and other artwork were stolen
from the Museum of Modern Art in Stockholm, Sweden. The
works were valued at $52 million. 

1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make
way for the Three Gorges Dam. 

2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the
winner of the 2000 U.S. presidential election. 

2000 Waco special counsel John C. Danforth released his
final report that absolved the government of wrongdoing in
the 1993 seige of the Branch Davidian compound in Texas. 

2009 The game Angry Birds Star Wars was released. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 7

Calgary was a waste of time, gasoline and parking fees.
Because one of my meds is a lasix to get rid of water, they
panicked and referred me to the big hospital.
New consultation date. 

I told her that I can easily stop the lasix for a few days.
Sure, that makes me gain a pound of weight per day, but
since I lose a couple of pounds a day with their nuclear
laxative, that is no big deal.

However, she seemed to be allergic to logic.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arested for riding a 
horse while drunk
Today, November 7 in
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The
provisional government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown
by forces led by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. --- David Letterman (1947 ) Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give lots of careful consideration and deliberation to both sides of the their side about why you should pay for what they want. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An eighty-three year old woman finished her annual physical examination, whereupon her doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute; I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said, "Joe, do we still have intercourse?" Joe answered impatiently, "If I told you once, I told you a thousand times. We have Blue Cross." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asked his father, "What does fornication mean?" His father was a little upset by the question and demanded to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," the little boy said. The father charged off to confront his brother. Charlie held his hands up and said, "Now, wait a minute! I don't know what that boy told you, but all I said was, 'For-an-occasion like this, you think they would chill the beer'." ______________________________________________________ Iceland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ New Definitions to Learn BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult, so the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. EGOCENTRIC - a person who believes that he is everything that you already know you are. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. FOREIGN FILM - any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western. MAGAZINE - bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings. OPTIMIST - girl who regards a bulge as a curve. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, some wonder what happened. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. SALESMAN - man with ability to convince his wife that she would look fat in mink. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with pissy water around it. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelsie Laine Marie Mast, 23, Donna Byrne, 53, Lakeland, Florida Florida woman arested for riding a horse while drunk Police in Florida said they found Donna Byrne, 53, riding her horse in the city of Lakeland on Thursday afternoon. She allegedly reeked of alcohol and had red, watery eyes, according to the Polk County Sheriff’s office. When Byrne got off the saddle, she was found with a blood alcohol content nearly twice the legal limit, police said. ‘Ms. Byrne was obviously not in any condition to be on the road,’ Sheriff Grady Judd said in a statement. ‘She not only put herself and the horse in danger, but also anyone who was driving on the road, which is typically very busy.’ Byrne was also hit with an animal neglect charge, police said. The horse, named Boduke, was taken to the Sheriff’s livestock facility, but he will likely be reunited with his owner, The Orlando Sentinel reports. It appears it wasn’t Byrne’s first rodeo, police said she has five previous charges against her, including cruelty to animals, drug possession and violating her probation. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mariana Re: Mailwasher Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I'm sure glad you nagged me into getting Mailwasher. I was away from work for three weeks and really dreaded facing the mail that accumulated in the meantime. But guess what! I turned my computer on, Mailwasher dit it's thing and deleted 2500 mails, and all I had was about 30 mails that I had to read and answer. Keep that button on the left side! I am getting my boss to buy it too. Thanks much! Mariana Dear Mariana! Good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby

The seven-year old told her mom, that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!" The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?" "I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "That's what they're fighting about!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Overflowing Toilet With quick action, you can limit the amount of water that winds up on your floor from an overflowing toilet. First, take off the back of the toilet and push the stopper or plunger down in the bottom of the tank so it stops allow water into the bowel. Then reach down behind the toilet and turn off the water valve. Then find your handy plunger to take care of the blockage. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A wealthy contractor liked to know something about all the employees who worked for him. One day he came upon a young man who was expertly counting out a large wad of the firm's cash. The contractor asked the man, "Where did you get your financial training, young man?" "Yale," the man answered. "That's good," said the contractor, who was an advocate of higher learning. "What's your name?" he asked. "Yonnie Yackson." __________________________________________________
Meet the other legendary female aviator who could drink any Sailor under the table.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned, Ms. Smith." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
From Sally While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop." Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said, "go ahead." "And this is my pole," he said. My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain." And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the bus. ____________________________________________________

Today, November 7, in 
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader in
the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts
Bay Colony for heresy. 

1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated by
William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or

1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy
was shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while
trying to protect his printing shop from a third

1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized
as an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's

1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by
Albert H. Hook. 

1893 The state of Colorado granted its women the right to

1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first
transcontinental railway in the mountains of Alberta.

1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The
provisional government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown
by forces led by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. 

1932 "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" was broadcast for the
first time on CBS Radio. 

1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from
Pennsylvanian "Blue Laws." 

1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in
Washington state collapsed during a windstorm. The
suspension bridge had opened to traffic on July 1, 1940. 

1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first
person to win a fourth term as president. 
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television

1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor
Cleveland, OH, becoming the first black mayor of a major

1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that
college students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would
lose their draft deferments. 

1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of
the War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power
to wage war without congressional approval. 

1983 A bomb exploded in the U.S. Capitol. No one was

1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of
Justice. The siege claimed the lives of 100 people,
including 11 Supreme Court Justices. The Palace had been
seized by leftist guerrillas belonging to the April 19

1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. He
had been president since the country's independence in 1956.

1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde. 

1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia,
becoming the first elected African-American state governor
in U.S. history. 

1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's
first African-American mayor. 

1989 Richard Ramirez, convicted of California's "Night
Stalker" killings, was sentenced to death. 

1991 Magic Johnson (NBA) announced that he had tested
positive for the virus that causes AIDS, and that he was
retiring from basketball. 

1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow
on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution. 

1991 Actor Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, pled no
contest to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been
arrested in Sarasota, FL, for exposing himself in a theater.

1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men
admitted to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl. 

2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first
president's wife to win public office. The state of New York
got some Democrat senator to resign and basically hand over
the position to Hillary.

2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched. 

2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying

2017  smiled.

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CD Auto-Play on Windows 10 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 6

Today I have to drive to Calgary for a colonoscopy
consultation. It is total BS and waste of time, gasoline,
and parkade extortion. Prior to a colonoscopy, ordered by my
doctor to keep the nurses off the street, is a consultation.
For the consultation some senior nurse reads the same stuff
as always, and hands out some papers, that explain how to
use a  gallon of nuclear laxative, that totally destroys the
carefully grown and nurtured bowel bacteria colony and
messes up your digestion for half a year, and just natters
about the same old thing all over again.

The colonoscopy is free, but you pay for it by attending the
consultation sermon. I don`t really need a colonoscopy right
now, but because I might need one ten or twenty years in the
future, I have to be polite and play along.

The Tuesday issue might be a bit late.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Escaped prisoners were arrested at an Escape Room
Today, November 6 in
1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 1784) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Atlanta Coca-Cola is fixing an embarrassing typo in the word "disk" in copyright information on about 2 million 12-packs of the drink. In the misprint, the "s" is replaced by a "c." Normally, the small type under the copyright information states that the "red disk icon and contour bottle are trademarks of the Coca-Cola Co." No, you will not get a new 12-pack, but if you hold on to the box for a few years, you might be able to auction it off for real money. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelsie Laine Marie Mast, 23, Samantha Faye Toope, 20 Edmonton, Alberta Escaped prisoners were arrested at an Escape Room Two convicts who escaped a prison in Canada were recaptured in the most ironic place. Police officers in Edmonton found Kelsie Laine Marie Mast, 23, and Samantha Faye Toope, 20, inside an adventure game company’s “escape room” at 8:30 p.m. Tuesday, according to media reports. Authorities described the escapees as “violent offenders with a history of weapons offenses.” They jumped a fence at the Edmonton Institution for Women around 24 hours earlier and escaped. A local resident recognized the wanted women and tipped cops to their presence at Sidequests Adventures, a downtown business that hosts interactive games where players have to solve puzzles to leave a locked room. Co-owner Rebecca Liaw was showing the women the escape room when officers found them. “It’s funny and ironic that escaped convicts run into an escape room and get caught,” Liaw’s husband and fellow co- owner, Jonathan Liaw, told The Edmonton Journal. Police returned the women to Correctional Service Canada. It’s unclear what new charges they face, but since escaping is really frowned upon, and considering their criminal history, it is a safe bet that they will get serious time in the big house (Federal jail). _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: No CD AutoPlay Dear Webby, Thank you first of all for your extremely informative letter.. it's been a great help to me and my friends and family However I do have a question for you hope you can help.... when I put a pre-recorded CD in my pc cd player it don't automaticly bring up the player..what ever it may be..I have to bring it up never done that before...with my other pc ..which has windows XP it works the way on this one it has windows 10 and is a bloody nuisance..Please Help... Thank you in advance.. GARY Dear Gary You sure are diplomatic about W10 ! However, deep down inside it`s still DOS. They just shuffled the gas and brake pedals to make it look like they are earning their wages. Open the Control Panel, and from the “icons view”, click the “AutoPlay” icon. Check (or uncheck) the the “Use AutoPlay for all media and devices” box to turn AutoPlay on or off. There IS a settings app, that will do it too, but it is more likely to confuse you. Just use the version you get through the Control Panel. Have FUN! DearWebby

> From Linda Actual police reports….. A woman in Pa. reported a threatening text from her ex husband. She said she knows it was from him because the text was in his handwriting.” A woman reported she saw a monkey loose, but admitted it could have been a deer. She also said she was drinking iced tea, but admitted it could have been tequila. A woman reported somebody climbed through a window and stole multiple items. She suspected it was her sister “since all the things that were stolen belonged to her.” A woman reported pigs in her yard ‘doing pig things.’ A woman reported 3 naked uninvited men in her hot tub. She said they left after being confronted, leaving their clothes and beer. She told police she’s looking forward to the line up.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old man witnesses a burglary and appears in court. The defense lawyer asks him, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," the man says. "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer adds, "This happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes, I saw him do it," the man says. The lawyer says, "You are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" The man says, "I can see the moon. I bet you are not smart enough to know how far that is!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Serving Food at Parties While it's easiest to put out a lot of food at once, you can save a lot of waste and possibly prevent some food poisoning by putting food out in smaller batches and replacing it as it runs out. This keeps food from sitting out all day (or all night) so any food that is leftover is still edible. If food needs to be left out for long periods of time, make sure it is properly cooled or kept warm using either ice or warming trays. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A widow recently married to a widower was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked, "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband." __________________________________________________
15 standouts of National Geographic nature photographer of the year 2017.
Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the school and can't stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?" Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out." The principle says, "Well then, why are you laughing?" Little Johnny says, "Cause the teacher is sitting in the classroom, smelling my fart, while I'm having a smoke here in the sunshine in this beautiful, clean air." (Actually, that was me. I always got lots of fresh air time.) ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
As Alicia was getting to know Michael and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other. "They're so thoughtful," Alicia said. "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning." After a time, Alicia and Michael were engaged, and then married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Alicia again remarked on Michael's loving parents, and even the coffee in bed. "Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?" "It sure does," replied Michael. "And I take after my mom." ____________________________________________________

Today, November 6, in 
1789 Father John Carroll was appointed as the first Roman
Catholic bishop in the United States of America. 

1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth
president of the United States. 

1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of the
Confederacy in the U.S. 

1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. 

1903 Philippe Bunau-Varilla, as Panama's ambassador to the
United States, signed the Hay-Bunau-Varilla Treaty. The
document granted rights to the United States to build and
indefinitely administer the Panama Canal Zone and its

1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of
Indian miners in South Africa. 

1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of
Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres. 

1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric

1935 Edwin H. Armstrong announced his development of FM

1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll
in the Pacific Ocean. 

1961 In the Saraha Desert of Algeria, a natural gas well
ignited when a pipe ruptured. The flames rose between 450
feet and 800 feet. The fire burned until April 28, 1962 when
a team led by Red Adair used explosives to deprive the fire
of oxygen. (Devil's Cigarette Lighter) 

1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that
condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies. The
resolution also called for all member states to terminate
military and economic relations with South Africa. 

1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow
250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971. 

1967 Phil Donahue began a TV talk show in Dayton, OH. The
show was on the air for 29 years. 

1973 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft began photographing

1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, a
mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that march into
the nation of Western Sahara. 

1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst,
sending a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa Falls
Bible College in Georgia. 

1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over
northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents
to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban
resisters to the U.S-led invasion. 

1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19
Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota. 

1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced
in Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to
being the head of a family spy ring. 

1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by the
Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. had been
secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to secure the
release of seven American hostages. 

1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, the
U.S. announced that it would unfreeze $567 million in
Iranian assets that had been held since 1979. 

1990 About 20% of the Universal Studios backlot in southern
California was destroyed in an arson fire. 

1991 Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil
fires ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War. 

1995 Mark Messier scored his 500th NHL goal. 

1998 The Islamic militant group Hamas exploded a car bomb
killing the two attackers and injuring 21 civilians. 

1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop
Britain's queen as their head of state. 

2001 In London, the "Lest We Forget" exhibit opened at the
National Memorial Arboretum. Fred Seiker was the creator of
the 24 watercolors. Seiker was a prisoner of war who had
been forced to build the Burma Railroad, the "railway of
death," for the Japanese during World War II. 

2001 In Madrid, Spain, a car bomb injured about 60 people.
The bomb was blamed on Basque separatists. 

2001 Ten people were executed in Beijing, China. The state
newspaper of China said that all of the people executed were
robbers and killers aged 20-23. 

2017  smiled.

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Registry Defender 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 5

Full moon on the fresh, bright, powder snow makes it almost
daylight bright outside. Stars are bright too and you can
definitely see the Mily Way. Faint Northern Lights in the
North-East. But it is not comfortable outside. Gullible
Warming is definitekly over. There is a definite hint of
"Ice Age is coming!" mania in the air. 

The deer came by checking for bread heels and leftovers, but
did not come up onto the porch. They will when it gets

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Chicago hot dog stand robber shoots his 
wiener, ahem penis.
Today, November 5 in
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an
automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years
later. Cars had been around before, but not patented in the
USA.  Benz Motorcar from 1885 is considered the first
practical motorcar. He received a patent for the Motorcar on
29 January 1886, 9 years prior to the Seldon patent. 
His wife, Mercedes, drove the Benz Motorcar and her kids 60
miles to her parents place 10 years before the Seldon
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. --- Stephen Vizinczey ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cashier after learning the combination to the safe and had herded the other employees into a separate room under guard. After they rifled the safe and were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading noises through the gag. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosed the gag. "Please," whispered the cashier, "take the books, too. I'm $7,500 short." ______________________________________________________ Michigan _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terrion Pouncy, 19, Chicago, Illinois Chicago hot dog stand robber shoots his wiener, ahem penis A Chicago man is recovering in the hospital after he accidentally shot himself in the penis while holding up a hot dog stand. Terrion Pouncy, 19, held two employees of Maxwell Street Express at gunpoint in Chicago's South Side neighborhood Tuesday morning. Pouncy had pulled a gun and demanded cash from two employees at the hot dog stand, according to Assistant Cook County State's Attorney Erin Antonietti. Two men, ages 39 and 45, were working at the restaurant during the time of the robbery. Pouncy held the gun to the head of the 39-year-old, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. He had been holding a bucket filled with grease and asked the other employee to get cash from the register. As they handed the cash and their wallets over, the bucket of grease spilled and the money went flying. Pouncy grabbed the money and tucked the gun in his waistband and began to flee. As he ran, the gun accidentally went off and shot him in the penis. He ran a few blocks away and then called 911 to say he had been shot. Police arrested him at the hospital. Police recovered the wallets he had stolen in addition to the .38 caliber gun that had caused the injury. He has been charged with two counts of armed robbery. The robbery was captured on surveillance footage. Pouncy's boxers recovered at the hospital matched the underwear he exposed in the surveillance video. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Registry Defender Dear Webby, I recently received the information below. Can you tell me anything about this download? Thank you in advance for your advice. Bonnie ----------- Registry Defender is a FREE and easy to use program that can scan for and correct problems in your computerâ s registry. Correcting such problems can provide benefits such as:..... ---------- Dear Bonnie All I can tell you is that my computer runs just fine without that. It runs fast and realiable, and I reboot it about once a month, if I remember. I always have these programs running simultaneously:
  1. Malwarebytes PRO
  2. MailWasher
  3. Post-It-Notes networked to the laptop, so that I can send post-it notes back and forth
  4. Skype
  5. Eudora
  6. DreamWeaver
  7. Quattro / Excel
  8. 3 - 4 Putty server connections
  9. FileZilla
  10. PaintShopPro
  11. As-You-Type global spell checker
None of those programs clash. They just work. The more you avoid all those flakey speeder uppers and wanna-be do-gooders, the more reliable and faster your machine will run. Have FUN! DearWebby

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
REDNECK 911 A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "Bubba is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure wether he's really dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what do we do next ?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Baking Soda in Your Clothes Hamper Pour a little baking soda into the bottom of your hamper to help keep your dirty clothes smelling fresh. You can even keep a shaker with baking soda in it near your hamper to shake on top of your clothes when needed. A used and cleaned out parmesan cheese container makes a great shaker for baking soda. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.comDo yourself a favor and use a 49 cent salt shaker! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ More on fainting: The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with a SNOW SHOVEL !!!" __________________________________________________
Rare old photos of Indigenous Sami people.
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transport. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, 'Guns don't kill people. I do.' Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your biggest truck. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully and speak Spanglish. Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave 'hello' if he/she is cute. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy medication. Q: What do you do when you see a police car with lights flashing on the side of the road behind some other car? A: Speed up to 180 mph. He is busy and will never catch you. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. Q: Can you drive if your license is suspended? A: 51% of Californians drive without a license or insurance. Just speak Spanglish. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Martin for this story: A Kentucky couple, both bonafied rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision -- why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in Kentucky was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish ____________________________________________________

Today, November 5, in 
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed
when he was captured before he could blow up the English
Parliament. Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th
in Britain to celebrate his failure to blow up all the
members of Parliament and King James I. 

1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful
cataract operation at the Zoological Garden. 

1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for
attempting to vote in the presidential election. She never
paid the fine. 

1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an
automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years
later. Cars had been around before, but not patented in the
USA.  Benz Motorcar from 1885 is considered the first
practical motorcar. He received a patent for the Motorcar on
29 January 1886, 9 years prior to the Seldon patent.

1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli. 

1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers

1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented
third term in office. 

1944 Lord Moyne, a British official, was assassinated by the
Zionist Stern gang in Cairo, Egypt. 

1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of
Representatives at the age of 29. 

1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re-
opened. It had been bombed during WWII.

1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during
the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days

1959 The American Football League was formed. 

1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement
at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. Apparently Hagar's
ancestors colonized Newfoundland.

1967 In Moscow, the Ostankino Tower opened. It was the
world's tallest free-standing structure for nine years. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the NFL had exceeded
antitrust limits in attempting to stop the Oakland Raiders
from moving to Los Angeles. 

1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of
weapons to Iran. 

1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving
24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced
to life for treason against the white minority government of
South Africa. 

1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong
evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child
(Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings. 

1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was
shot to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His
assassin, Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the
murder and was sentenced to life in prison for his part in
the World Trade Center bombing. 

1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in
Detroit during a struggle with police. Two officers were
later convicted in his death and sentenced to prison. 

1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had
Alzheimer's disease. 

1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight
champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th
round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV. 

1998 In the U.S., Chairman Henry Hyde of the Judiciary
Committee asked President Clinton to answer 81 questions for
the House impeachment inquiry. 

1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed
up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town. 

1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by
delegates from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany. 

1999 Dennis Rodman (NBA) and Carmen Electra were both
arrested and charged with battery and domestic violence in a
hotel in Miami Beach, FL. 

1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that
Microsoft Corp. enjoyed "monopoly power". 

2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer
Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint
venture specializing in airline services. 

2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed
13 people and wounded 30 others. 

2017  smiled.

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Uninterrruptible power supply 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 4

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illinois man kills and dismembers his mother
Today, November 4 in
1846 A patent for an artificial leg was granted to 
Benjamin Palmer. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. --- Robert Frost ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered the suspect. "And what did you steal?" "A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject. "One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!" "Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "But three times my wife didn't like the color." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The first time Father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported bty Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Peck Elgin, Illinois Illinois man kills and dismembers his mother Assistant Cook County State's Attorney Maria McCarthy said the Cook County medical examiner's office determined that the body parts were consistent with those of a 76-year-old woman. An autopsy also showed a scar on the victim's back consistent with spinal fusion surgery Gail Peck had received in the past, she said. According to authorities, the body parts found in duffel bags by a fisherman and divers at a Lincoln Park lagoon included only a torso and parts of two legs. Brian Peck told authorities he also disposed part of the body at Montrose Harbor, where police were investigating on Tuesday. DuPage County court records show that last year, Brian Peck pleaded guilty to domestic battery and received a jail sentence and probation after his mother told police her son threatened to kill her. The two at the time had shared a home in Oak Brook. That incident also was brought on in part by complaints about loud music, documents show. Gail Peck also had requested an order of protection but later lifted the request, records show. Gail Peck initially was reported missing Friday afternoon. But police said they quickly began doubting Brian Peck's story that his mother had gone for a walk with her dog, Doris, and that the dog had come back in its own. A search for the woman was conducted in far east Elgin but was scaled back about 9 p.m. that night. By Saturday morning, police said they no longer needed the public's help. Information received began to suggest that Gail Peck's disappearance may not have occurred as reported. As additional information was obtained, more investigative resources were devoted to the possibility of the case being criminal in nature, said Elgin Assistant Police Chief Bill Wolf. During Tuesday's bond hearing, prosecutors described a gruesome series of events. After police found a large blood stain and cleaning supplies in his mother's bedroom during a search Friday, Peck told officers his mother had fallen and cut her knee on a plate and knife she had dropped, McCarthy said. Investigators also found blood stains on furniture, in bathrooms and on a steam carpet cleaner Peck had purchased Thursday, McCarthy said. When investigators later showed him surveillance photos of his purchases of suitcases, a duffel bag and bricks, plus photos of the recovered body parts, Peck changed his story, McCarthy said. The 6-foot-1, 260-pound Peck told police that after the argument over the Jimi Hendrix music about 3:30 a.m. Wednesday, he knocked his 5-foot-4, 140-pound mother down and stomped on her head and neck. Realizing she was dead, he put her in the bathroom of the guest bedroom and dismembered her, McCarthy said. He told police, 'I put her in the bathtub and hacked her up.' He severed her body parts with the hand saw that was found in the duffel bag that contained the severed legs, McCarthy said. Peck put the severed parts in garbage bags and wanted to store them in a refrigerator in the basement but disabled the refrigerator when he tried to remove the shelves in it with a hatchet, McCarthy said. On Wednesday, Peck took the bags containing some of the body parts to Montrose Harbor and threw them in the lake, McCarthy said. On Thursday, he purchased a set of suitcases and a duffel bag, put other body parts in them and threw them into the water near Diversey Harbor, she said. Peck, according to prosecutors, told the family cleaning lady not to come to the house on Wednesday to clean, prosecutors said. In 2016, Brian Peck pleaded guilty to domestic battery after his mother told police he threatened to kill her, punched her in the face and attempted to choke her. He was sentenced to two years of probation, according to DuPage County Circuit Court records. While he was in jail, his mother visited him and told him that he crossed the line when he became violent with me and that he was no longer my son and that I never want contact with him again, according to DuPage Court documents. He served 100 days in the DuPage County Jail, and was released with the no-contact order. He also received 24 months of probation. Peck has six felony convictions, including aggravated battery, identity theft, computer fraud, possession of a stolen vehicle, and theft by deception, McCarthy said.On Wednesday, Peck took the bags containing some of the body parts to Montrose Harbor and threw them in the lake, McCarthy said. On Thursday, he purchased a set of suitcases and a duffel bag, put other body parts in them and threw them into the water near Diversey Harbor, she said. McCarthy said police were able to track some of Peck's movements through iPass records and store surveillance videos. Police also uncovered drive-up bank surveillance video showing him withdrawing $500 using his mother's debit card and car, she said. On Friday, Peck transferred $4,000 from his mother's savings account to her checking account, McCarthy said. She said Peck was living off his mother and was not her major caregiver, as Peck's attorney stated. Peck told the judge he had no money and needed a public defender. Prosecutors said Peck had had operated a financial business until two years ago. He was his mother's only child, McCarthy said. He served 100 days in the DuPage County Jail, and was released with the no-contact order. He also received 24 months of probation. Peck has six felony convictions, including aggravated battery, identity theft, computer fraud, possession of a stolen vehicle, and theft by deception, McCarthy said. He will be mooching off the state for the foreseeable future. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gerold Re: Uninterruptible Power Supply Dear Webby, We have a lot of power failures, and expect more in the future. Because of the long start-up time of my computer, I need something that takes over instantly, even if there is just a momentary flicker in the power. Btw., I use a low power LCD monitor. What do you recommend? Gerold Dear Gerold Forget the overpriced UPSes. Most of them just barely allow you a clean shut-down, but not to continue working. Get a standard automotive 450 W - 600W DC to AC adapter from a recreational vehicle or camping supply store, a standard car battery and a car battery trickle charger. Connect all of them up and run an extension cord from the DC to AC adapter to your computer and monitor. You can even plug in a light with a bent tube fluorescent bulb. If you are set up like that, you are ALWAYS running off the car battery. When the power fails, then for a while the car battery won't get charged up. But you will have a day or more reserve before you have to start a generator to recharge the battery. Usually power is restored long before that. Once you have everything connected and working, spray or brush the battery terminals and connectors with an acrylic varnish or paint. NOT Latex! As long as you don't set the battery on a concrete floor, you should get 4-5 years out of it. Even though today's batteries are sealed, I would still recommend to keep them outside and as high up as is conveniently possible. Have FUN! DearWebby

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously, when the auctioneer received a note from an assistant, "A gentle- man in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came a cry: "Two Thousand Five Hundred."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Glue the remote control between his toes. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cherry Tomatoes in a Marinate Salad When making a marinated salad with cherry or grape tomatoes in it, puncture the tomatoes. They will absorb more of the marinade. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Classic I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "they're for my girlfriend". She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! Man, you must have REALLY f***ed up!" Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except Mom who was now trying to crawl between the seats! __________________________________________________
I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it. "Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?" "No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Upon finishing an exceptionally dangerous tightrope walk over Niagara Falls in appalling wind, rain and limited visibility 'The Great Zumbrati' was met by an enthusiastic supporter, who urged him to make a return trip, this time pushing a wheelbarrow, which the spectator had thoughtfully brought along. The Great Zumbrati was extremely reluctant, given the terrible conditions, but the supporter pressed him, "You can do it - I know you can," he urged. "You really believe I can do it?" asked The Great Zumbrati. "Yes - definitely - you can do it." the supporter gushed. "Are you really 100% Certain, even given these terrible winds", Zumbrati queried again. "Yes, Yes, Yes?", answered the fan, gushing with expectation. "Okay," said Zumbrati, "Get in the wheelbarrow." ____________________________________________________

Today, November 4, in 
1846 A patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin

1847 Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered
the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 

1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. 

1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the
lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. 

1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality
stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy
allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents. 

1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first air-
conditioned car was put on display. 

1942 During World War II, Axis forces retreated from El
Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for the

1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress the
uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956. 

1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to
exceed 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph. 

1970 Former King Peter II of Yugoslavia died in Denver, CO.
He was the first European king or queen to die and to be
buried in the U.S. 

1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and
took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The
militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the
former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were
later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 

1981 The second scheduled flight of the space shuttle
Columbia was canceled with only 31 seconds left in the

1984 Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years. 

1985 Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was
returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had
been kidnapped by the CIA. 

1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of East
Berlin in a pro-democracy rally. 

1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight
a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait. 

1991 Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in Simi
Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by
President Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter,
Gerald R. Ford and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st
gathering of 5 U.S. chief executives. 

1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, was
assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after
attending a peace rally. 

1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against
the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The
sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused to
turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with
masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in
Kenya and Tanzania. 

2001 The movie "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"
had its world premiere in London. 

2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and
thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture of
sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba
received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S. in
nearly 40 years. 

2010 Microsoft's Kinect was launched worldwide. 

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Better sound for laptop 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY Woman left 6-year-old in taxi 
while she robbed bank
Today, November 3 in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of
Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) To err is human; to forgive, infrequent. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The attractive young miss was about to go to bed with her blind date when she burst into tears. "I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!" "I believe you," her date said, as he tried to comfort her. "You're the first one," she gulped. "The first one to make love to you?" he asked. "No, silly," she replied. "The first one to believe me!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Here is an old favorite, brought back by Lillemor: There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we possibly do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. The man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL:The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical,Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down. (And those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's.) ______________________________________________________ Sedona, AZ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Diana Marini, 29, Islip, NY Woman left 6-year-old in taxi while she robbed bank /font> Police say a woman robbed a bank on Long Island while her 6- year-old daughter waited in a taxi. Suffolk County police say 28-year-old Diana Marini entered a Chase bank in Islandia at 1 p.m. Saturday and gave the teller a note demanding cash. They say the teller handed over an undetermined amount of money and Marini fled in a taxi that was waiting for her. Police stopped the taxi and found Marini and her 6-year-old inside. Marini was arrested on charges of robbery and endangering the welfare of a child. Her babysitting chores will be taken care of for a few years. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: Better sound for laptop Dear Webby, How can I increase the sound quality for my laptop? I got some fairly expensive aftermarket speakers for it, but the sound is still quite trashy compared to my home stereo. Help! Karen Dear Karen Those "fairly expensive aftermarket speakers" are not worth the shipping cost. As you noticed. Get a stereo cable, exactly like the one leading from the computer to the first of those squeakers, and connect that to the AUX-IN on your home stereo, or any old boom box. Switch the stereo or boom box to AUX, and you have sound the way it was meant to be. As a free bonus you have the headphone jack on the stereo for plugging in the earphone half of a communication head set. The pink microphone plug still goes to the pink computer microphone jack. Have FUN! DearWebby

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to the Kidd family for this story: A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Davie, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!" The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Davie how he knew this. Little Davie said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Recipe: Ramen Noodle Omelete By Alyssa M. [1 Post] Super easy and cheap, this meal is great for anyone trying to eat on a budget, and sometimes just when the craving hits! I grew up eating these as my parents made them a lot when they were newly married and it just stuck. Probably one of the first meals I learned to make on my own! Total Time: 10-15 min Yield: 1 omelete Ingredients: 1 package ramen noodles (I have only used chicken flavor) ($0.15) 1 egg ($0.10) 1/2 cup cheese (I use cheddar jack but any should work fine) ($0.50) Steps: Cook the pasta only, either on the stove or in the microwave until soft. Then drain In a bowl, whip the egg and noodles together with a fork and then add in the spice packet. I only use half because its a bit too much favor without the water to tone it down. Heat a skillet that has been sprayed with nonstick or tiny bit of oil as this usually sticks a lot, to medium heat. Pour pasta and egg mixture on and flatten with spatula. Cook for a min or so on the one side and then flip over Have cheese ready to sprinkle on top as soon as you flip it over. Turn the heat down a little so the cheese has a chance to melt. Remove from skillet and enjoy! Tip provided by Same as KD flavor packets, those flavor packets are best reserved for poisoning pigeons in the park. A Tablespoon full from a 79 cent can of condensed vegetable soup will give your Ramen noodles just the right amount of flavor, and some token veggies on top. There is no need to use that pigeon poison on YOUR food! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Dear Webby I'm a chaplain at the County senior citizens' home. The other day I saw a 96-year-old lady knitting a sweater for her granddaughter. "What kind of material are you using?" I asked. "She said, "Virgin wool." "Where do you get that," I asked. "Ugly sheep," she smiled. Jerry __________________________________________________
Women warriors who served wine on the battlefields and fought alongside the men.
Two little old ladies are sitting on a bench in Miami Beach. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman next to him asks, "Are you a stranger here?" He replies, "I used to live here years ago." "So, where were you all these years?" "In prison," he says. "For what did they put you in prison?" He looks at her, and very quietly says, "I killed my wife." "Oh," says the woman, and turning to the other woman proclaims: "Yay!! He's single !" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs." ____________________________________________________

Today, November 3, in 
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of
Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona

1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts
Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate
himself to the conversion of Native Americans to

1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted. 

1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at
LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger. 

1900 The first automobile show in the United States opened
at New York's Madison Square Garden. 

1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Colombia. 

1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis
Chevrolet and William C. Durant. 

1934 The first race track in California opened under a new
pari-mutuel betting law. 

1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the
Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S. 

1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time in
a supermarket in Chester, NY. 

1953 The Rules Committee of organized baseball restored the
sacrifice fly. The rule had not been used since 1939. 

1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the
second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the
first to put an animal into space, a dog named Laika. 

1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March
29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach the planet

1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot
to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally in
Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded. 

1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first
broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the
release of seven American hostages. The story turned into
the Iran-Contra affair. 

1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of arms
to Iran. 

1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their
first-ever face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain. 

1992 Carol Moseley-Braun became the first African-American
woman U.S. senator. 

1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning her
two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that the
children had been abducted by a black carjacker. 

1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at
Arlington National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the
bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 

1998 A state-run newspaper in Iraq urged the country to
prepare to battle "the U.S. monster." 

1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former
pro wrestler, as its governor. 

2002 At Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong, 777 people assembled a
58,435 square foot jigsaw puzzle with 21,600 pieces. 

2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft
constitution was unveiled. 

2005 Walt Disney Pictures released "Chicken Little." It was
the first Disney film completely created with computer

2014 In New York City, One World Trade Center opened for

2017  smiled.

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Old music 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 2

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom Accused Of Driving Minivan With 
Son And Plastic Pool Tied To Top
Today, November 2 in
1883 Thomas Edison executed a patent application for an
electrical indicator using the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat.
307,031). We still use that as the "Idiot Light" in cars.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The more things change, the more they remain... insane. --- Michael Fry and T. Lewis, First things first, but not necessarily in that order. --- Doctor Who ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ WOMEN'S DAILY PRAYER Dear God, Thank you for making me healthy, Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, PLEASE make all my friends fat. Amen. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room where, much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try." At that point, the parrot yanked away the towel and said, "Zoo or no zoo. This I gotta see!!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amber Schmunk, 28, Fredonia Wisconsin Mom Accused Of Driving Minivan With Son And Plastic Pool Tied To Top A mother in Wisconsin is facing a felony charge of recklessly endangering safety after she allegedly strapped her 9-year-old son to the top of a minivan on top of a plastic pool. Amber Schmunk, 28, of Fredonia was charged earlier this month for the September 9 incident, which started after officers received a call reporting a child on top of a vehicle holding down a plastic pool, according to the Ozaukee Press. A witness later reported seeing Schmunk pull over and take the child off the minivan roof and wedge the pool inside the vehicle before dropping it off at her sister’s house, according to WTMJ TV. Officers who arrived on scene questioned Schmunk about her son’s alleged wild ride. They said she admitted the boy had been on top of the minivan on the road “but only for a short time, maybe 20-30 seconds,” according to WITI TV. Schmunk allegedly told authorities she had picked up a molded plastic pool at another house, but didn’t have enough room inside the minivan. She allegedly said she “decided to put the pool on top of the minivan, but had no way to strap it down, so she had her child climb on the roof and hold it down while she drove,” according to a police report obtained by WITI TV. Police said Schmunk told them she thought her actions were “OK,” since her dad let her do things like that when she was nine. She added that her son was safe on top of the minivan she tied him down with a strap on top of the pool, according to WDJT TV. Schmunk is due in court on Nov. 14. If convicted, she faces up to five years in prison and five years of extended supervision, according to the Ozaukee Press. ------------- I know the kid was perfectly safe. Most of us did MUCH more adventurous stuff, but nowadays, political correctness overrules common sense, and she will have to pay the consequences. No more standing on the roof and trimming overhanging branches with a chainsaw or riding on top of a load of firewood. That is not politically correct, even though most of us have done it without any worry. I hope she gets off with probation. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Erika Re: Old music Dear Webby, I'm dressing up a geneology site my aunt did, and I need some really old music. I don't mean Beethoven on CD, but popular music from the early days of recording. Where can I find that kind of music? Erika Dear Erika The earliest popular recordings were probably the 78 RPM laquer records. You can download music taken off those records from For best results, save the MP3 file to your computer and then play it, instead of streaming it. Just scrolling down the menu gives you an idea of their load. It is amzing what you can find, for example "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas by Vicki Dale; The Peter Pan Orchestra" Or the Collected works of Caruso, all originals without amplifaction or studio effects or editing. That will knock your socks off! Unlike tyoday's screechers, Caruso eally could sing! Please keep in mind that if even just 1% of all Humor Letter subscribers go there at the same time, that site will be totally overloaded. Just save the link and try later. Have FUN! DearWebby

A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of female students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques. They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you fell from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Alf for this: My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like Cripes. For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of Gosh? of the church of Holy Moly. I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in Heck? ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Keeping the Toothpaste Tube Clean Tired of having a squished toothpaste tube with a messy tip? The simple solution is squeezing from the bottom. Then put the cap back on the toothpaste tube and roll up the empty tube as you use it. When you squeeze the tube from the bottom, more of the excess toothpaste is sucked back into the tube. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Darling," a husband whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?" "I suppose so," she replied. "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?" "Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice." "Would you make love to him?" "Honey," the woman said patiently, "he would be my husband." "Would you give him my car?" "No," she yawned, "He can't drive a manual transmission car." __________________________________________________
Women warriors who served wine on the battlefields and fought alongside the men.
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you do not have the right to have an attorney present. You may now kiss the bride. ____________________________________________________

Today, November 2, in 
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed his
title to emperor. 

1776 During the American Revolutionary War, William Demont,
became the first traitor of the American Revolution when he

1783 U.S. Gen. George Washington gave his "Farewell Address
to the Army" near Princeton, NJ. 

1867 "Harpers Bazaar" magazine was founded. 

1883 Thomas Edison executed a patent application for an
electrical indicator using the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat.
307,031). We still use that as the "Idiot Light" in cars.

1895 In Chicago, IL, the first gasoline powered car contest
took place in America. 

1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed
support for a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine. 

1920 The first commercial radio station in the U.S., KDKA of
Pittsburgh, PA, began regular broadcasting. 

1921 Margaret Sanger's National Birth Control League
combined with Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League
to form the American Birth Control League. 

1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia. 

1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic
rubber. It was named DuPrene. 

1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden
airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the
plane's first and only flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed
because of the white-gray color of the spruce used to build
it, never went into production. 

1959 Charles Van Doren, a game show contestant on the NBC-TV
program "Twenty-One" admitted that he had been given
questions and answers in advance. 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy announced that the U.S.S.R. was
dismantling the missile sites in Cuba. 

1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was
assassinated in a military coup. 

1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans per year
to apply for permanent residence in the U.S. 

1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New
Jersey prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for
the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper. 

1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed in
the U.S. since 1962. She had been convicted of the poisoning
death of her boyfriend. 

1985 The South African government imposed severe
restrictions on television, radio and newspaper coverage of
unrest by both local and foreign journalists. 

1986 The 12-by-16-inch celluloid of a poison apple from Walt
Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"" was purchased
for $30,800. 

1986 American hostage David Jacobson was released after
being held in Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims

1989 Carmen Fasanella retired after 68 years and 243 days of
taxicab service in Princeton, NJ. 

1992 Magic Johnson retired from the NBA again, this time for
good because of fear due to his HIV infection. 

1993 The U.S. Senate called for full disclosure of Senator
Bob Packwood's diaries in a sexual harassment probe. 

1995 The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly
covering up $1.1 billion in trading losses. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his first in-depth
interview since the White House sex scandal to Black
Entertainment Television talk show host and political
commentator Tavis Smiley on the network's "BET Tonight with
Tavis Smiley." 

2001 The computer-animated movie "Monsters, Inc." opened.
The film recorded the best debut ever for an animated film
and the 6th best of all time. 

2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated
the church's first openly gay bishop.

2017  smiled.

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Phony forward requests 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 1

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man locked in beer cooler overnight drinks beer, 
arrested for theft and for breaking probation.
Today, November 1 in
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the 
Sistine Chapel were first exhibited to the public. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood. --- Louise Beal ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A girl says to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He says, "Well, that depends. Are you going sweat, or are you gonna break wind?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Walter the Stonecarver at Staglieno is the original "Marble Orchard", acres of statues and monuments. Walter and his friends are scrubbing and restoring the statues. Go have a look! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremy Van Ert, 38, Marshfield, Wisconsin Man locked in beer cooler overnight drinks beer, arrested for theft and for breaking probation. A Marshfield man is behind bars after police say he was locked inside a beer cooler at a convenience store, had several drinks, and then fled. Jeremy Van Ert, 38, was charged with retail theft and is currently behind bars on a probation hold. Authorities said Van Ert walked inside the Marshfield Kwik Trip on Central Avenue on Tuesday night, before midnight. They said the man was automatically locked inside when the clock hit midnight. "The subject found himself locked in the beer cooler, knew that Kwik Trip would not sell him any beer, so he decided to remain in the beer cooler," said Marshfield Police Chief Rick Gramza. "A customer came by the beer cooler at about 6 a.m. and saw him inside." According to the police report, Van Ert drank an 18 ounce bottle of Icehouse Beer and three cans of Four Loko. He also fell over a stack of 30 pack Busch Light Cans. "This is unique, I've been here twenty years. I've heard of people being locked inside of buildings, never inside of a beer cooler," Gramza said. Van Ert fled the scene and was later arrested by police. Gramza said Van Ert is currently in the Wood County Jail on a probation hold from an unrelated case. That probation required him to remain sober. Kwik Trip officials told police they will be reviewing their security. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annette Re: Missing child email Dear Webby, I got an email about a missing 14 yr. old. her name is Ashley Flores, is this true or another eamil someone is sending around? Thanks, Annette. Dear Annette It's just a hoax sent out in order to collect the addreses of the most gullible people on the net. Don't even bother to send back a correction, just trash it. Whenever there is a request to forward stuff to your friends, dump it. The same on AOL or FaceBook. Any appeal to forward something, is bad, and often contains malicious paylaods. If you see an appeal to forward, dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby

A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard saying to his friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it's the only thing that gets me out of having to go shopping with Mom."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
These are actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, AL metropolitan area. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Statistics. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section." A: The caesarian section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Old Jeans Re yesterday's tip about used jeans: From Honey: old jeans make a great quilt for a teenager going off to college. I back it with good flannel and leave some pockets on it and I leave the seams on the wrong side to give a chenile effect after a few washings. Honey Uses for Socks Here are some uses for unmatched socks. Make a sock puppet with some sewn on buttons for eyes. Put a sock on your hand and use it as a dust rag. Slip a sock over a yard stick and secure it with a rubber band and to clean under your fridge. Save them for the winter when you need to wear two pairs. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rex for this report: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thasch why you alwaysch feel schmarter after a few -bburp- beersch. __________________________________________________
Little Jon's cabin.
The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. "Mrs. Smith, I have some good news for you." The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Smith, not Mrs." "Oh. Well, in that case Miss Smith," said the doctor without changing expression, "I have some bad news for you." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think." ____________________________________________________

Today, November 1, in 
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine
Chapel were first exhibited to the public. 

1604 "Othello," the tragedy by William Shakespeare, was
first presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 

1611 "The Tempest," Shakespeare's romantic comedy, was first
presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 

1755 At least 60,000 people were killed in Lisbon, Portugal
by an earthquake, its aftershocks and the ensuing tsunami. 

1765 The British Parliament enacted The Stamp Act in the
American colonies. The act was repealed in March of 1766 on
the same day that the Parliament passed the Declaratory Acts
which asserted that the British government had free and
total legislative power of the colonies. 

1800 U.S. President John Adams became the first president to
live in the White House when he moved in. 

1856 The first photography magazine, Daguerreian Journal,
was published in New York City, NY. 

1861 Gen. George B. McClellan was made the general-in-chief
of the American Union armies. 

1864 The U.S. Post Office started selling money orders. The
money orders provided a safe way to payments by mail. 

1870 The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological
observations using 24 locations that provided reports via

1879 Thomas Edison executed his first patent application for
a high-resistance carbon filament (U.S. Pat. 223,898). 

1894 "Billboard Advertising" was published for the first
time. It later became known as "Billboard." 

1894 Russian Emperor Alexander III died. 

1904 The Army War College in Washington, DC, enrolled the
first class. 

1911 Italy used planes to drop bombs on the Tanguira oasis
in Libya. It was the first aerial bombing. 

1936 Benito Mussolini made a speech in Milan, Italy, in
which he described the alliance between Italy and Nazi
Germany as an "axis" running between Berlin and Rome. 

1940 "A Night in the Tropics" was released. It was the first
movie for Abbott and Costello. 

1949 In Washington, 55 people were killed when a fighter
plane hit an airliner. 

1950 Two Puerto Rican nationalists tried to assassinate U.S.
President Harry Truman. One of the men was killed when they
tried to force their way into Blair House in Washington, DC.

1952 The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb on
Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall Islands. 

1954 Algeria began to rebel against French rule. 

1959 Jacques Plante, of the Montreal Canadiens, became the
first goalie in the NHL to wear a mask. 

1963 The USSR launched Polyot I. It was the first satellite
capable of maneuvering in all directions and able to change
its orbit. 

1968 The movie rating system of G, M, R, X, followed by PG-
13 and NC-17 went into effect. 

1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to
demonstrate on November 4 and to expand their attacks
against the U.S. and Israel. On November 4, Iranian
militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63
Americans hostage. 

1981 The U.S. Postal Service raised the first-class letter
rate to 20 cents. 

1985 In the village of Ignacio Aldama, 22 members of a
Mexican anti-narcotics squad were killed by alleged drug

1987 Deng Xiaoping retired from China's Communist Party's
Central Committee. 

1989 Tens of thousands of refugees fled to the West when
East Germany reopened its border with Czechoslovakia. 

1989 Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega announced the end of
a cease-fire with the Contra rebels. 

1993 The European Community's treaty on European unity took

1994 The domain name was registered. 

1998 Nicaraguan Vice President Enrique Bolanos announced
that between 1,000 and 1,500 people were buried in a 32-
square mile area below the slopes of the Casita volcano in
northern Nicaragua by a mudslide caused by Hurricane Mitch. 

1998 Iridium inaugurated the first handheld, global
satellite phone and paging system.

2017  smiled.

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Too much contrast 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 31
Happy Halloween!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY Woman spends night in jail after elaborate 
attempts to get out of ticket
Today, Oct 31 in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much. --- W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man had been driving all night, and by morning, was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze, when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "Eight fifteen." The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window and another jogger asked, "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" The man was a little irritated and growled, "It's twenty minutes past eight!" The jogger thanked the man and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window. Another jogger said, "Sir, it's eight thirty." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jai for this: The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic mist machine to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle. So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle. ______________________________________________________ Bridge over St. Croix River, MN _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alfreda Chaplin, 43, Central Islip, NY NY Woman spends night in jail after elaborate attempts to get out of ticket A Long Island woman has been arrested after authorities say she falsely reported an emergency to avoid getting a speeding ticket. Alfreda Chaplin, 43, was pulled over by a Highway Patrol officer for speeding around 2:05 a.m. on Thursday. Chaplin told the officer that she was on her way to Brookhaven Memorial Hospital Medical Center because her mother was dying, according to WPIX. The officer told Chaplin that he would follow her to the hospital to make sure she was telling the truth. But Chaplin had concocted the story in hopes of getting out of the ticket. So, on the way to the hospital, Chaplin called 911 from her cell phone, gave a false name, and reported that she had been assaulted by her husband, who had a gun and had left her on the eastbound service road of Sunrise Highway near exit 46A. She hoped that the officer escorting her would be called away. But authorities were able to determine that the false 911 call had come from Chaplin, and when the escorting officer pulled her vehicle over again, Chaplin admitted that she made the false call. Chaplin was arrested and charged with falsely reporting an incident and issued a summons for speeding. She was arraigned Thursday at First District Court in Central Islip. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jane Re: Too much contrast Dear Webby, When I take pictures that include shaded areas and sunlit areas, or indoor pictures that are unevenly lit, I wind up with pitch black areas. I never had that problem when I was using film, and I see with your pictures, that not everybody has that problem. What do I need to do differently? Jane Dear Jane That is normal with low end cameras, especially if they have a tiny lens. Better cameras takes a light reading through the lens, and average out a number of different spots in the picture, or read a spot at the center. Cheaper cameras have a light meter at the front that just averages anything in front of it. Most digital cameras let you stash a reading by partially depressing the shutter. Focus at a dark or shaded area, partially depress the shutter, and then point the camera to the picture composition you want. It will then take the picture as if everything was in the shade. Some areas will be slightly overexposed, and the sky may be white, but the shaded areas won't be black. A slightly more expensive camera will take care of that. Have FUN! DearWebby

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"My poor man", said the kind old lady to the beggar, "it must be dreadful to be lame. But think how much worse it would be if you were blind." "You got that right, lady," agreed the beggar. "When I was blind, I was always getting counterfeit money." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Old Jeans When jeans are past their prime and not suitable for wearing, you can recycle the fabric to use in craft projects. Denim is durable and great for making purses or sleeves to hold tools. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Two ladies were chatting and one asked the other, "What would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?" The second lady said, "Another woman with MY husband? Let's see; I would break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from." __________________________________________________
I thought this would be apropos for Halloween.
The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car. "What took you so long, son?" he asked. "The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the boy replied. "But I got even." "How?" "I wound and set all the alarm clocks and kitchen timers while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily. "It's going to be a noisy place in about half an hour." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work. But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 31, in 
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany. 

1868 Postmaster General Alexander Williams Randall approved
a standard uniform for postal carriers. 

1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers
(Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 

1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 

1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis
resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been
damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the
stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini
had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and
their ability to withstand hard blows. 

1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain
prevented Germany from invading Britain. 

1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of
work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and
Abraham Lincoln were finished. 

1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a
German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered
World War II. More than 100 men were killed. 

1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 

1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a
revolt against French rule. 

1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not
marry Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend. 

1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land
an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first
person to set foot on the South Pole. 

1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort
Worth, TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S.
At the time he was in Moscow, Russia. 

1961 In the Soviet Union, the body of Joseph Stalin was
removed from Lenin's Tomb where it was on public display. 

1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all
U.S. bombing of North Vietnam. 

1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as Wal-
Mart Stores, Inc. 

1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great

1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during
the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had
mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 

1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated
near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son,
Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister. 

1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns
had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles
Taylor were blamed for the murders. 

1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72,
plunged into a northern Indiana farm. 

1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life
in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in
the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released
after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter. 

1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with
U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the
country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's
invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 

1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket,
MA, killing all 217 people aboard. 

1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran
Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of
Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal
dispute over the nature of faith and salvation. 

2001 Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a
tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against the
software company. 

2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time. 

2008 Distribution Video Audio, Inc. shipped its final
shipment of VHS tapes to stores. The company was the last
major United States supplier of pre-recorded VHS tapes. 

2017  smiled.

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Not getting the Newsletter 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 30

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman caught looting cement pavers threatens 
to sue for back injury because she got a sore
back from the looting
Today, Oct 30 in

1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS
radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was
a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic
among listeners. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. --- George F. Will (1941 - ) The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again. The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old." The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex...." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statures. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter often chisels his patrons. [Taken from Ambrose Bierce's "Devil's Dictionary."] ______________________________________________________ Burrowing owls _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julie Ann Upright, 54 Port Richey, Florida Woman caught looting cement pavers threatens to sue for back injury because she got a sore back from the looting A 54-year-old Florida woman was arrested Sunday after she was caught looting cement pavers from a home in Port Richey. Deputies arrested Julie Ann Upright just after 5 p.m. on Woodbridge Court, when he found 42 cement decorative blocks, worth $420, in her vehicle. The homeowner told detectives that he caught her looting the blocks without permission. They were part of a remodeling project and were stored in the front yard, about 4 feet from the roadway, the owner said. Upright said she thought they were trash. Deputies said she then threatened to sue the owner because she hurt her back on his property while loading the blocks into her vehicle. To make matters worse, the deputy said the blocks were stolen within a county that was subject to a state of emergency declared by the governor under chapter 252. Stealing stuff during a state of emergency is looting. The looter was taken to the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center and put into the slammer. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kristi Re: Not getting the Humor Letter Dear Webby, hi its me kristi i didnt get dear weebt today in my inbox... Is everything ok??? thanks Dear Kristi Yes, everything is OK here. Your subscription has been sent to you normally: boogy@******.com|kristi|humor No error, no bounce. Once it has entered your ISP's server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. If you did not receive your Humor Letter, check your and your ISP's spam controls. In the meantime, you can browse to and see what I had sent to you. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Tilly My mother came by to show off her brand-new Pontiac Grand Am. My eight-year-old daughter took one look at the car and indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On the way back one day, as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight at the next gate was overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Pringles Cans Pringles cans work well for storing small toys and tennis balls. They work well for to store clean (or still being used) paint rollers and small paint brushes. They are also the perfect size for storing home baked cookies. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and yelled, 'I sent my daughter in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales.' The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, ' Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter.' __________________________________________________
Houses that will scare you on Halloween.
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom saying to himself, "How can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we dated, but she's bound to find out sooner or later." Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "How do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out." The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, puts his arm around her shoulder, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!" "So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break...." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 30, in 
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established
by Simon Bolivar. 

1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history. 

1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular

1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the
Sherman Silver Purchase Act of 1890. 

1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper of
Rochester, NY. 

1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS
radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was
a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic
among listeners. 

1943 In Moscow, a declaration was signed by the Governments
of the Soviet Union, the United Kingdom, the United States
and China called for an early establishment of an
international organization to maintain peace and security.
The goal was supported on December 1, 1943, at a meeting in

1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe

1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace

1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of
approximately 58 megatons. 

1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to
increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion. 

1972 In Illinois, 45 people were killed when two trains
collided on Chicago's south side. 

1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator
Francisco Franco was near death. 

1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline "Ford to City:
Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. President
Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed federal
bailout of New York City. 

1982 Portugal's constitution was revised for the first time
since it was ratified on April 25, 1976. 

1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-
Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was
blamed on four security officers. 

1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51
percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 

1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space,
performed the world's first animal dissections in space,
while aboard the space shuttle Columbia. 

1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian
President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's
military still in control. 

1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a
referendum concerning secession from the federation of

1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane and
the 39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist
squads raided the plane. 

2017  smiled.

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Unhide hidden pictures in WORD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 29

From Barb:
I ran across a site for people who want the old Outlook
Express back.  I know I really liked the old OE and never
had any problems with it but I didn't use it as a warehouse
like I do gmail.  Some of your readers might like to know
about this.  I downloaded it just for the heck of it to see
what it was like and I think there are a lot of people who
would like to go back to the old familiar email format.
Here is the web address for it:

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman beat up man who refused to 
sexually assault her.
Today, Oct 29 in
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa
Kemal, later known as Kemal Ataturk. He passed a law forcing
all prostitutes to wear a burka. Since then Turkish women
donèt wear burkas.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) My Karma ran over your dogma. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Barry: I have a friend who is president of his homeowner's association in Washington, State. They are having a terrible problem with trash on the side of the road that is around his association's homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is, there is being built just next to them, six new homes..... big ones! Wallace said the trash is coming from the Mexican work crews working at the construction sites. (McDonald Bags, Burger King trash, etc). He has pleaded with the site supervisors and the general contractor to no avail, called the City, County, and the Police and got no help. So, guess what some people in his community did! They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The "Inner Neighborhood Services" to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. It is what they wore and did while picking up the trash that is HILARIOUS !!!!!!!! They got some navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" in gold put on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, however, to understand what they hoped people would think it means. Well the day after their first pick up detail, with them wearing their caps and SOME CARRYING CAMERAS, 46 out of 68 of the construction workers did not show up for work the next morning, and haven't come back yet!!!!! It has been ten days. Now the General Contractor, I understand is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly, because he could be busted for hiring "illegal aliens". Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating INS folks, because they have it on their home owner association records the vote to form the new committee within their association, plus they informed the INS about what they were doing in advance, and the INS said basically according to Wallace: "Have at it"! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bob and Terri had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Bob tried to say or do, Terri refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Bob said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Terri replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding." ______________________________________________________ Slangkop Lighthouse, Kommetjie, South Africa. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rebecca Lynn Phelps, 30, New Port Richey, Florida Florida woman beat up man who refused to sexually assault her. A Florida woman faces battery charges after deputies say she hit a man who did not want to have sex with her. Deputies responded to Rebecca Lynn Phelps’ home just before 2am on Thursday. Deputies say Phelps was outside her home drinking with the victim. She began to get angry when the victim refused to have sex with her. Phelps then allegedly began to scream and hit the victim, leaving red marks on his face. Deputies say the victim yelled for Phelps to stop or he would call 911. Phelps then scratched the victim’s arm, causing him to bleed. Deputies say a witness inside the home did not see what happened, but heard the victim yelling at Phelps “Stop hitting me” and then the witness heard a smack. Phelps was arrested on one count of battery. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rob A Re: Hidden Pictures in WORD Dear Webby, I understand from my wife that you answer computer problem questions. She speaks highly of you so I thought I would pose a question that I need answered in the worst way... About a week ago I was putting together a letter in Microsoft Word using many pictures. I had pasted in 9 pictures when I clicked on an item in one of the tool bars and instantly the pictures disappeared and in their place were 9 rectangular outlines the size of each picture. Unfortunately, I cannot recall what I clicked on nor exactly where it is located. I have hunted and hunted through the tools to try to restore the pictures but to no avail. Since then I have tried pasting in new pictures on a new Word "sheet" and guess what I get...a rectangle box instead. The box is composed of four connected perpendicular lines and when I click in the center of the "box" the box disappears and I get eight black dots in it's place. I believe what I originally clicked on was an on/off switch of some kind and all that needs to happen is to click on it again to correct the situation. If you know how to restore my pictures or know of someone who does, please tell me. {I have no desire to contact Microsoft because of their high and mighty attitude.} Thanks for your willingness to help others, Bob A Dear Rob Wire frames or placeholders are rarely used while writing, but really speed up scrolling while proofreading books or searching for something in a lengthy e-book or article. To turn the wire frames off and reveal pictures, Click on TOOLS Options View take the checkmark off "Picture Placeholders" hit OK Your pictures will show again. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Mary: WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness ... just as they did. I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues, And I'll bounce on the furniture, wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. When they're on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head, When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. When they cook dinner and call me to eat, I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat, I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, And when they get angry... I'll run ... if I'm able! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click, I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick. I'll take off my socks and throw one away, And play in the mud until the end of the day! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh, I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes. My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping, And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Tic Tac Containers Save Tic Tac and other breath mint containers and use them to store small items in the shop. Tic Tac containers are especially handy because they are clear so you can see what's inside them. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother- in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "That stupid lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it." __________________________________________________
Siegfried, the most insane amongst all of my friends, is a shrink. He has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely-- he puts a cell phone in their hands. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
From Stanilaus: In America the late night news used to broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are? In England they say "Its 11 o'clock. Do you know where your wife is? In France they say "It's 11o'clock. Do you know where your mistress is?" In Poland they say Its 11 o'clock. Do you know what time it is?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 29, in 
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that
had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy
against King James I. 

1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an
independent commonwealth. 

1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was
the founder of Pennsylvania. 

1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was

1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley,
was electrocuted. 

1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa
Kemal, later known as Kemal Ataturk. He passed a law forcing
all prostitutes to wear a burka. Since then Turkish women
donèt wear burkas.

1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the
Wall Street stock market. 

1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 

1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went
on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price
of $12.50 each. 

1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez
Canal Crisis. 

1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use
close-circuit television. 

1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional

1966 The National Organization for Women was founded. 

1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all
school segregation. 

1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL
records. He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards
putting him over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the

1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding
discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or
marital status 

1985 It was announced that Maj. Gen. Samuel K. Doe had won
the first multiparty election in Liberia. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam
Hussein's regime liable for human rights abuses and war
damages during its occupation of Kuwait. 

1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit
an asteroid (Gaspra). 

1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to
pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power. 

1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the Food
and Drug Administration. 

1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission
condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the
African National Congress. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn
on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the
first American to orbit the Earth. 

1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for $2
million at a New York auction. 

2001 KTLA broadcast the first coast to coast HDTV network

2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released. 

2017  smiled.

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How to wipe an old computer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 28

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Merced dope steals her baby from hospital
Today, Oct 28 in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The
original name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
It was the first school of higher education in America. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. --- Rich Cook ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Overheard at Home Depot Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this tale: A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny----------"I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer---------" You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny----------"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny----------"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer---------"Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny----------"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephanie Belden, 35 Merced, California Merced dope steals her baby from hospital A California woman faces child endangerment charges after she allegedly stuffed her newborn into a duffel bag and kidnapped the baby from the hospital, according to the Merced Sun-Star. Police say 35-year-old Stephanie Belden didn't want her newborn baby to be taken away after testing positive for meth during childbirth on Aug. 17. Police met with her three hours prior to let her know the child was going to be detained, as is customary, if a newborn tests positive for meth or heroin. The biological mother wasn't very happy with that, went back up, made her way into the maternity ward and cut off the alarm bracelet off the newborn baby, put the newborn baby in a duffel bag and walked out of the hospital, Fresno Police Lt. Jay Struble told KFSN. A nurse noticed the child was missing around 7:30 p.m. and officers were called at 7:36 p.m. Belden was arrested at 7:58 p.m. after police found her hiding at her house. Other than dopey, the baby was OK. Belden was booked into the Merced County Jail on suspicion of kidnapping, child stealing, child endangerment and a county-parole violation, according to jail records. She remained in custody Friday without bail. Belden has a lengthy criminal history in Merced County. She has been in and out of custody numerous times since at least 2013 on a string of mostly drug and theft-related cases, according to jail and court records. Belden made headlines in 2015 in Merced after police said she escaped from the back of a California Highway Patrol car while handcuffed. She'd initially been arrested on suspicion of driving a stolen car, authorities said. Belden was captured a few weeks later, allegedly driving another stolen car on Beachwood Drive on the outskirts of Merced. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Wipe old computer Dear Webby, What is a good, quick, and easy way to errase all information on a hard drive without deleting the operating system? David Do a search for *.doc, *.wpd, *.qpw, *.xls, *.mbx, *.toc,*.txt, *.jpg, *.gif, etc. and delete those. Also delete all files in the Attachment and Embedded folder of the mail program. You can clean cookies and history with CrapCleaner or Spybot-Search&Destroy. Then, if you want, you can use Spybot to shred the files in the recycle bin. Usually, though, it's just as fast to format and re-install Windows as it is to do a thorough job on cleaning a drive. You can call the manufacturer`s support and ask them how to do a format and re-install from the hidden safety copy of Windows. Since you don`t get disks with Windows anymore, they put it onto a hidden partition, that does not get touched when you format the machine. The procedure is fairly fast and easy, but not the same for all machines. Call support and have your machine model and numbers ready. Quite often they are put on a spot, that you can`t see when you use the machine. Just write them down and have them ready. They WILL ask for them! Have FUN! DearWebby

Paul came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Greg, noticed and asked Paul what happened. Paul replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Greg, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Paul, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs and put my foot through the television screen."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Cookie for this: ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING : Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Canadian Club whiskey and women with big boobs." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from 5 Tips for Winter Houseplants By Donna [433 Posts, 413 Comments]
  1. Add coffee grounds into your potting soil to maintain moisture during the winter months.
  2. Use your cooled veggie water to give your houseplants some natural fertilizer.
  3. Stand your plants on a bed of pebbles or shells and water the dish to maintain some moisture for the plants. Indoor winter heat plays havoc on plants.
  4. Dust your leaves to help them get maximum sunlight and try to group them together since it will increase their moisture support!
  5. Drop a few drops of hydrogen peroxide into your plant water. It helps prevent rot.
Tip provided by Be careful with the coffee grounds! Some plants don`t like their acidity at all! ____________________________________________________ Bob heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, Bob and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted. When Bob and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Bob stepped off of the side of the boat ... and nearly drowned. When he tried to climb back into the boat, he tipped it, and Brian also nerly drowned. Hanging on to the capsized boat, they slowly pushed it back to shore. When Bob arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him did on their 21st birthday?" The feeble old grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in October." __________________________________________________
Headstones that defy expectations.
Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?" I suggested he try out for football, or maybe boxing. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 28, in 
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The
original name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. It was
the first school of higher education in America. 

1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 

1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor
by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and
is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty
Enlightening the World." 

1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use

1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known
as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in
1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S.

1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government
and introduced fascism to Italy. 

1936 The Statue of Liberty was rededicated by U.S. President
Roosevelt on its 50th anniversary. 

1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 

1949 U.S. President Harry Truman swore in Eugenie Moore
Anderson as the U.S. ambassador to Denmark. Anderson was the
first woman to hold the post of ambassador. 

1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that
he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in

1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of
collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 

1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO,
was completed. 

1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President
Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ,
to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related

1982 Soviet premier Leonid Brezhnev condemned the U.S. for
arms buildup. 

1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution
"deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada.

1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker,
pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 

1986 The centennial of the Statue of Liberty was celebrated
in New York. 

1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the
abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution
of the drug after the government of France demanded it do

1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 

1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called
for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military

1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that
all the troops there would be home by Christmas. 

2017  smiled.

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Fake bounces in email 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank You, Janice!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
34-year-old man charged in fatal shooting 
of 6 year old Justin Evans Jr
Today, Oct 27 in
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name 
for its new synthetic yarn. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "T". Examples of those days are as follows: Tuesday Thursday Thanksgiving Today Tomorrow Thaturday Thunday In Australia, it's the days ending with "ee" like Mondee, Tuesdee, Wednesdee, Thursdee, Fridee, Saturdee and Sundee. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was in lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in a lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is supposed to float!" As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!" ------------------------ By the way, you are NOT supposed to inflate the life jacket until AFTER you are through the door. You might not make it through the door with an inflated life jacket, and really annoy the people behind you, having to stab your life jacket to let the air out. ______________________________________________________ Just came across this pictrue I took a few years ago. A rock formation about 80 Miles south of Globe, Arizona, and a few miles east of the highway. Doesn't she look like she is getting into a foul mood from waiting a lot longer than planned ? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Anderson, 34, Milwaukee 34-year-old man charged in fatal shooting of 6 year old Justin Evans Jr 34-year-old Robert Anderson is now charged in connection with the death of six-year-old Justin Evans Jr., and Evans Jr.'s family got to look him in the eyes for the first time Tuesday, October 24th. Evans Jr. was fatally shot near 23rd and Finn in Milwaukee on July 22nd. He was stuck by a stray bullet while visiting his grandmother's home- as he was about to head up to Green Bay with family for a fishing trip. Anderson faces the following charges: First degree reckless homicide, as a party to a crime, use of a dangerous weapon, habitual criminality repeater Possession of a firearm by a felon, habitual criminality repeater He will probably plead guilty to reduced charges and be out on the street again way too soon. According to the criminal complaint, a confidential witness spoke with police about this case- and identified Anderson as the shooter in this incident. The witness was present at the time of the shooting. The witness told police Anderson was at 23rd and Finn and "was yelling at someone" to "get off (Anderson's) (expletive) block." The witness told investigators he saw Anderson "in the middle of the street, with a firearm in his right hand, running northbound toward 23rd and Finn." Anderson was "firing his handgun while he ran" and the witness indicated he "could see the handgun 'bucking up' in Anderson's hand while Anderson fired." According to the criminal complaint, a confidential witness spoke with police about this case- and identified Anderson as the shooter in this incident. The witness was present at the time of the shooting. The witness told police Anderson was at 23rd and Finn and "was yelling at someone" to "get off (Anderson's) (expletive) block." The witness told investigators he saw Anderson "in the middle of the street, with a firearm in his right hand, running northbound toward 23rd and Finn." Anderson was "firing his handgun while he ran" and the witness indicated he "could see the handgun 'bucking up' in Anderson's hand while Anderson fired." Little Justin Evans Jr. was struck in the heart. "When I turned and looked, blood was just coming out of him like a faucet," Kloss said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Lots of fake bounces Dear Webby, I use one email address to send mail, but a whole bunch of different ones to receive mail, so that it automatically gets sorted to billing, quotes, follow-up, support, etc. Those addresses are on the sites, and I can't change them, even though by now they are probably on most spammer's CDs because of their robots collecting them off the web. Now the spammers forge those addresses as their sender address, and I get all the bounces when they send spam to no longer existing addresses or addresses that are protected by MailWasher. You are probably in the same boat. How do YOU deal with the deluge of bounces? Mark Dear Mark yes, I am indeed in the same boat. Yesterday my MailWasher trashed over 2700 mails like that. Life sure would be tough without it! I use a filter that I made many years ago, when Senator McCain (or his staff) forged my old Yukon address as the sender address of their spam. The challenge is dealing with different subject lines. The more stupid and incompetent an ISP is, the more likely he will use a non-standard subject line for a bounce. To catch as many as possible you have to check for keywords in those subject lines. Make a filter that looks at the "Subject", select: "Regular Expression contains" and into the expression field paste this: (everything between the lines all one line, not wordwrapped like here) ------------------- failure delivery|Failure notice|DELIVERY FAILURE|failed delivery|returned mail|undeliverable|Delivery Status|Delivery notification|Undelivered|bulk email|Mail delivery ------------------ Then make a second criteria looking at the TO line. select: does NOT contain and into the data field put your normal send address. Just that send address, not the many recipient addresses that you use. Set the filter to delete, not report, hide. Hit OK, and it's done. There is no point reporting it, since the re-sender is just an incompetent ISP, who is too stupid to tell the difference between a forged and a real address, and cheerfully sends a bounce to a different IP number than where it came from. As far as spam reporting is concerned, it's no longer spam, but a moron malfunction. You can analyze the bounces. What you will find is that the bouncerd mail came from an open proxie or the machine of some gullible fool, who downloaded silly toolbars that included a trojan program, and now sends out spam on behalf of one or more spammers. The second criteria is quite important. It allows legitimate bounces to get to you. If one of your clients changes their email address without telling you, you need to know that, especially if it is your invoice that bounces back. If you have more than one legitimate sender address, use a regular expression there too, and separate the addresses with a pipe | . Have FUN! DearWebby

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little for himself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes 54. give the authority, but never expect her to be responsible, because after all, it is the man's fault for giving her the authority. 55. give her the last word, no matter what the cost to his life and limb AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget:* birthdays, * anniversaries and * arrangements she makes with or without telling him about them. How To Make A Man Happy: 1. Show up naked 2. Fix him something to eat
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thans to Jan for this story: The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget... this particular Sunday sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice that all others could hear, "Mom, what is butt dust?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Swimming Noodle For Padding Bed Rails By Mardrey M. Bed rail padded with swim noodle. My husband has became bedridden and always hurting himself on bed railing. I picked up some swimming noddles and cut them the long way and wraped the top rail. Pipe insulation is out of season so I went with swimming noodles. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ “MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."” __________________________________________________
The most beautiful cemetery that was left out of "10 Historic Cemeteries that made death beautiful." Staglieno is the largest open air art museum in the world. Acres of marble monuments and statues.
One night George got really drunk. In the morning, he rolled over and sleeping peacefully beside him was the scariest girl he'd ever seen. Very quietly, he slipped his arm out from under her, got up, and dressed as fast as he could. He put a twenty-dollar bill on the bureau and started to tip-toe out. Just then he felt a tug on his pant leg. Looking down, he saw a girl just as scary loking as the one in the bed. She looked up at him, smiled a toothless smile, and asked, "What? Nothing for the bridesmaid?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A marine biologist was telling his friends about some of his most recent research findings. "Some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles," he said. "What the heck would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked his sarcastic friend. "I can't be sure," he expert said, "but it sounds something like 'Can you hear me now?'" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 27, in 
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America. 

1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San
Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 

1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York
City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other
seven failed. 

1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George
"Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence
to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 

1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was
the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 

1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 

1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in New

1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 26' 2

1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new
synthetic yarn. 

1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring Groucho
Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on NBC

1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They had
been married on January 14, 1954. 

1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by
calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey.
U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the

1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime
Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the Nobel
Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving a Middle
East accord. 

1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S.
prison population had exceeded one million for the first
time in American history. 

1997 The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 554.26 points.
The stock market was shut down for the first time since the
1981 assassination attempt on U.S. President Reagan. 

2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of
Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected
leftist leader. 

2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy
FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second
largest banking company in the U.S.

2017  smiled.

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How to fix a slow computer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 26

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dopey parents passed out in car
with baby on the back seat
Today, Oct 26 in
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion 
washing machine. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Why A Ship Is Called "SHE" A ship is called "she" because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about', she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Dear Mom, Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only two of our tents and four sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Jeff when it happened. Oh yes, please call Jeff's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Hector for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Hector said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. Larry is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching his brother Doug how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Jeff was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Rob dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Bruce and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and become our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Dave ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kimberly McCaffrey, Sean Gannon Deland, Florida Dopey parents passed out in car with baby on the back seat An 8-month old child was found inside a car while two adults were passed out in the front seats early Tuesday morning, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. Authorities said that a deputy spotted the car in a Circle K parking lot on East New York Avenue in DeLand at about 3:15 a.m. Investigators said the driver’s side door was open and the car windows were fogged. The deputy said he saw a man and a woman unconscious in the front seats. Authorities said the child was in a car seat and was sweating profusely. The sheriff’s office said the child’s diaper was “saturated with fluids and leaking from the diaper edges around the legs.” In a report, the deputy also said that “the appearance of the baby was dirty and it appeared the baby had not been bathed in some time. The baby appeared to be hungry. The baby cried and reached for an empty bottle when she saw it.” The deputy said that when he woke the adults, the woman appeared confused and could not identify where she was. The deputy said the woman had difficulty spelling her name due to her level of impairment. The woman, Kimberly McCaffrey, was placed under arrest on child neglect charges. The deputy said he found a clear plastic baggie with white residue in her left, front pocket. Sean Gannon was in the front seat and the key was in the ignition. The deputy arrested Gannon on charges of driving with a suspended license. Authorities said the deputy observed track marks on the man’s inner arms, indicating intravenous drug use, and a used syringe was found in his left, front pocket. Sean Gannon was in the front seat and the key was in the ignition. The deputy arrested Gannon on charges of driving with a suspended license. Authorities said the deputy observed track marks on the man’s inner arms, indicating intravenous drug use, and a used syringe was found in his left, front pocket. The body camera video from the police department shows the officer questioning McCaffrey. “Alright, what are we doing in the parking lot passes out with the door open and a baby in the backseat?” the officer asked. “I apologize,” McCaffrey said. The deputy tested the residue in the baggie and in the syringe, using a NARK #22 test kit. The results were positive for the presence of opiates, authorities said. The two were charged with possession of opiates and later taken to the Volusia County Jail. According to a report, McCaffrey’s mother said that she, “Had been down this road with Kimberly too many times and refused to take custody of the child.” A judge ordered McCaffrey not to have custody with her daughter without permission from the Department of Children and Families. The baby and her two older siblings were placed in foster care. Court records show this is McCaffrey’s first drug arrest in Volusia County. It’s Gannon’s ninth. “The opioid epidemic touches innocent lives every day,” a post on the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office Facebook page reads. Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood said the county had 101 overdose deaths last year and 95 so far this year. “The problem is out of control and the collateral damage is the kids,” he said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annette Re: Slow Computer Dear Webby, my computer is so slow, I have a lot of songs saved , will that make the computer be so slow? also I had a lot saved in my Favorites, would that make it slow? I was just wondering why it is so slow, thanks, Annette. I enjoy your letter every day, keep up the good work. Annette Dear Annette Files saved and favorites stored don't slow down a computer. What slows it down are the following things: Viruses and Trojans Get rid of those with Malwarebytes Tool bars, Search bars and other spyware Get rid of those with Spybot-Search&Destroy Large IN, OUT and TRASH mailboxes Hard drives that are not properly defragmented Temp files and leftovers (Best for that is CrapCleaner from it's free! ) Have FUN! DearWebby

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "WOW! Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Recipe: Beef Noodle Bake By Robin [5,887 Posts, 29 Comments] Ingredients: lb. ground beef 1 can chopped mushrooms, drained 1 tsp. salt 1/2 tsp. pepper 2 tsp. sugar 1 can tomato sauce (15oz.) 4 oz. noodles, uncooked 4 green onions, finely chopped 1 cup sour cream, plain or with chives 1 pkg. cream cheese (8oz.) 1/2 cup grated cheese Directions: Brown ground beef in skillet. Drain off any grease. Add mushrooms, salt, pepper, sugar and tomato sauce. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Cook noodles according to package directions; drain. Combine onions, using some of the green tops, with cream cheese and sour cream; blend well. In a greased 2 qt. casserole, spread 1/4 of the noodles, then 1/4 of the ground beef mixture, then spread with 1/4 sour cream mixture on top. Repeat 3 times. Top with cheddar cheese. Bake at 350 degrees F until it bubbles in the center, about 50 minutes if chilled and 35 minutes if unchilled. Makes 6-8 servings. By Robin from Washington, IA Tip provided by Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ If you know the Bible -- even a little -- you'll find this hilarious! This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in). 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 4. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. 5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten attachments. 9. The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol. 12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the MagnaCarta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." 20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. 22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. __________________________________________________
10 Historic cemeteries that made death beautiful.
___________________________________________________ When I was still in middle management, I had a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in a Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "Uh, nothing," he replied. "I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Brian staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife, Judy. Judy wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Brian had been until two o'clock in the morning. Brian looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" Judy responded, "Don't go changing the subject! Where in the heck have you been so late?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 26, in 
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile
canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of

1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine. 

1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in
Tombstone, AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two
brothers and Doc Holiday,
and the Ike Clanton Gang. 

1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden. 

1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa
Cruz during World War II. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended.
The battle was won by American forces and brought the end of
the Pacific phase of World War II into sight. 

1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage
from 40 to 75 cents an hour. 

1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great

1955 New York City's "The Village Voice" was first

1957 The Soviet Union announced that defense minister
Marchal Georgi Zhukov had been relieved of his duties. 

1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
from New York City to Paris. 

1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile
Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S.
agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles
in Turkey. 

1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26
years on the Peacock Throne. 

1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger
declared, "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam. 

1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to
officially visit to the United States. 

1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully
landed at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 

1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death
by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence

1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first
Israeli head of state to visit Egypt. 

1984 "Baby Fae" was given the heart of baboon after being
born with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with
the animal heart. 

1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and
Soviet embassies in London to pressure the two countries to
end their arms race. 

1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company,
announced it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-
486. The pill is used to induce abortions. The French
government made the company reverse itself two days later. 

1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American
icebreakers. The whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks
in an Arctic ice pack. 

1990 The U.S. State Department issued a warning that
terrorists could be planning an attack on a passenger ship
or aircraft. 

1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach
2,000 points. 

1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a
federal correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin
serving a six-month sentence for cocaine possession. 

1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned
after the company recorded its highest losses in history. 

1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord,
which was designed to unify the country. 

1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of
defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S.
Congress. Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD

1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime
Minister Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty.

1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th
National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New
York Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second-
fastest player to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had
reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game. 

1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile

2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won
a defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The
contract, for the "joint strike fighter," was the largest
defense contract in history. 

2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where
separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116
hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or
gunshot wounds.

2017  smiled.

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He can't find tools in Spybot 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 25

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman accused of stabbing off-duty deputy 
after setting boyfriend's house ablaze
Today, Oct 25 in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights. --- J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976) Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. --- Milton Friedman (1912 - 2006) Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother: "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied: "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked: "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit the candle', you come on stage and light all the candles." "I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the one picked. Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was in grand voice, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit candles all around, awaiting the moment when the cute littlest angel made his interest. The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant "...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone looked stage right for the entrance. No little boy. The director gave the downbeat again, and gestured for a louder line, which the choir gave him - "...and the angel lit the candle," and again, all eyes looked stage right. No little boy. The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with great, sweeping gestures, and the choir thundered into the line - the curtains belled slightly from the sound - "...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!" And into the silence which followed came a clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from stage right "...and the cat peed on the matches!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Bonin, 26, Edgewater, Florida Woman accused of stabbing off-duty deputy after setting boyfriend's house ablaze A woman accused of stabbing an off-duty Volusia County deputy, who intervened in a fight between her and her boyfriend after she set his house on fire, faced a judge Sunday. Brittany Bonin, 26, was denied bail and faces charges of assault, battery and arson, authorities said. The judge placed Bonin on suicide watch and ordered a mental health evaluation, officials said. Bonin and her boyfriend got into a fight at his house on the 3300 block of Pine Tree Drive Saturday afternoon, officers said. The man ran to the nearby home of Captain Cliff Williams, an off-duty deputy, to seek assistance. After setting the man's house on fire, Bonin followed the man to the deputy's home and tried to attack him, police said. Williams, a 25-year veteran of VCSO and a former Marine, tried to shield the man from Bonin's attack and was stabbed in the process, police said. “It just goes to show you are never truly off duty,” said Sheriff Mike Chitwood. “He took a knife wound that was meant for someone else because his instinct was to step in as a protector. While Bonin faced a judge, her boyfriend's family cleaned up the mess police said she left behind. Deputy Williams was taken to Florida Hospital in New Smyrna Beach with injuries that are not life-threatening, police said. Edgewater Fire Rescue was able to extinguish the home. The structure can be rebuilt, but the interior is a total loss. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: No tools in spybot Dear Webby, in my copy of " spybot-search & destroy " there is no "tools" listed. is there a newer version available? daniel Dear Daniel Switch to advanced mode, then you see the tools in the left bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old." The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?" She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Light Bulb Vase By advaym [22 Posts, 4 Comments] Total Time: 10 minutes Supplies: 1 old lightbulb pliers any screwdriver thread safety goggles gloves Steps: First wear your goggles, safety is paramount. Hold the bulb tightly wearing gloves or wrap the bulb in cardboard and hold it. Take the pliers and pull out those small knobs at the base of the bulb. This type of bulb base is called a bayonet base. They should come out nicely, but with a little force. Then using your pliers pull out the silver soldering at the base of the bulb. Now using your screwdriver start chipping and breaking the black glass base of the bulb. Be gentle while doing this, the glass here is thick, but easily breaks off. Now using the screwdriver break the inside part of the bulb where the filament is located. Hold the bulb with a tight grip, but not too tight or else the glass itself will break. Once the inside is broken it should easily slide out! Voila! the bulb is empty! Wash the bulb once to remove all broken glass pieces. Now pass a thick thread through the holes so that we can hang the bulb! I've put a money plant in the bulb and put water in it. It now hangs nicely in my room! Tip provided by Tip provided by If you can`t find any French bayonet light bulbs, the procedure for standard lightbulbs is the same, except you don`t have to pull the little knobbies off. You hang the bulb with two clear fishing line nooses on opposite sides around the threads. You can use invisible 2 pound fly fishing line and make the bulb look like it is hovering. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for this report: A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close; the number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. ! Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged, my wife won twice last week." __________________________________________________
Rice paddy art.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Although many men in our rural area have difficulty accepting women's lib, my husband helps with the housework. One day he took over the vacuuming while I went to the store. The doorbell rang. It was one of his friends, a burly ranch foreman clad in a battered cowboy hat, faded jeans and worn boots. "I was just cleaning," my husband said somewhat abashed, turning off the vacuum. The rancher looked relieved. "That's all right," he said gruffly, handing my husband a white paper bag. "I'm delivering Avon!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks loads for the spybot tip. I have safely fixed my SLOW computer problems!!! Sharon ____________________________________________________

Today, October 25, in 
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the

1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States
captured the British vessel Macedonian. 

1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the
Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of
Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order to
attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley and
suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed that
the order was the result of confusion and was not given

1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was
the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City. 

1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
seized power in Russia. 

1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet, was
found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to a year
in prison and fined $100,000. 

1951 In Panmunjom, peace talks concerning the Korean War
resumed after 63 days. 

1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first

1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by The
Tappan Company. 

1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had
been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's pro-
Western government. 

1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was

1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic
evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos
were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
admit mainland China. 

1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations
invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection to
U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's Communist
(pro-Cuban) government. 

1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney
that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops
to Saudi Arabia. 

2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a
family of four separately traded companies (consumer,
business, broadband and wireless). 

2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the
remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million
years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew as
long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight metric tons. 

2017  smiled.

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Weed out start-up programs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 24

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indicted Cleveland police officer 
slipped ankle monitor, escaped
Today, Oct 24 in
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed 
by the Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the 
Thirty Years War. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen "I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore." --- George Carlin Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. --- Dave Barry On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Allen for this story: My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tommie Griffin, 51, Cleveland, Ohio Indicted Cleveland police officer slipped ankle monitor, escaped Authorities are actively looking for indicted Cleveland police officer Tommie Griffin. U.S. Marshal Pete Elliott confirms to Fox 8 that Tommie Griffin broke his ankle monitoring bracelet, and is on the run. Griffin was arrested back in January on charges related to the alleged beating and sexual assault of a 42 year-old woman in Parma. At the time, his bond was set at $250,000. Griffin, who is in his early 50’s, is a patrol officer with the Cleveland Division of Police. He was hired back in 1994. He was suspended without pay after his arrest, pending the outcome of the criminal case against him. Griffin initially faced charges that included felonious assault, kidnapping and rape for the alleged attack. Back in January, Capt. Kevin Riley of the Parma Police Department said Griffin was accused of pistol-whipping the woman and pointing a gun at her. Parma police also said Griffin allegedly fired two shots while holding the gun next to the woman, who police said was sexually assaulted during the attack. An escape warrant has been issued for Griffin. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Start-Up programs Dear Webby, I hope you can help me with this problem I'm having trying to get rid of startup things..I go to msconfig then start up then uncheck the things that I want not to start up..and then I shut down as instructed..but beholed all is back at start up... all are checked's driving me to drink..not a bad drive..but that's another story.. Thank you in advance for your expert help..... Gary Dear Gary Use Spybot-Search&Destroy! It is on the side menu about half way down. In it's TOOLS, look for System StartUp and take checkmarks off anything you don't like. It shows you good descriptions of each item. Here is an example: ==================== Current filename: "C:\Program Files\QuickTime\qttask.exe" - atboottime Database status: Not required - virus, spyware, malware or other resource hog Value: QuickTime Task Filename: qttasks.exe Description _CoolWebSearch_ parasite variant ==================== Just take the checkmark off stuff like that, and exit. Next time you reboot, that item will be ignored and won't be loaded. If you ever need that resource hogging parasite again, simply put the checkmark back onto that item. As an added bonus, Item that were added since the last time you changed any settings, are shown in BOLD, to alert you to them. I couldn't really ask for anything simpler and more straight forward than that. And it's FREE! Just click on the button for it on the right side of the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door. If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass. If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike. If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy. If you tell the Congress to secure a building, they will form two separate commissions to study which security contractors will provide the best bribe packages, ahem incentives.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from >Borax and Cornmeal for Drying Flowers You can dry flowers in about 10 days using Borax and Cornmeal. This requires 2 parts borax to 1 part white cornmeal. First, cover the bottom a tub with a thin layer of this powder. Then place your flowers on top of this layer. Slow add more of the powder until the flowers are covered. It's best to not pour the mixture directly on the flowers (it may squish them), but off to the side, letting it cover the flowers as the tub fills up. Once the flowers are covered, let them sit for 10 days. Sand can be substituted for the borax but it takes 16 days for the flowers to dry if you use sand. Tip provided by Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ From Bobbie: On vacation this year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranchowner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog." __________________________________________________
Rice paddy art.
___________________________________________________ As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "YOU ? Making your own bed every morning?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 24, in 
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the
Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years

1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria,
Prussia, and Russia. 

1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the
phosphorous friction safety match. 

1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent
when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a
telegram to U.S. President Lincoln. 

1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to
go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years

1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million
shares on the stock market. The day is known as "Black

1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened
for traffic between New York and New Jersey. 

1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first
time in Wilmington, DE. 

1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect
under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 

1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less
than a month after the end of World War II. 

1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It was
in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War
Investigating Committee. 

1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was
nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and
foreign-owned property in Cuba had begun on August 6, 1960.

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces
went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation
for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The
U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day. 

1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 69-
carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton
presented the ring to Taylor several days later. 

1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a
Jordanian was convicted in an attempted bombing. The
evidence in the trial led to the belief that Syria was
involved in the attack on the Israeli jetliner. 

1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to
win the World Series. 

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation
that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all
of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use
of the Internet. 

2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated. 

2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully
entered orbit around Mars. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the
release of an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney

2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde
flight landed.

2017  smiled.

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Recording radio onto CD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her 
stuff while she was at the hospîtal with 
the dying toddler
Today, Oct 23 in
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average 
plunged starting the stock-market crash that began 
the Great Depression. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this: These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what! were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ____________________________________________ And the best for last ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?" "Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will not ask for directions." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Earl Vickers, 31, in jail Florida Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her stuff while she was at the hospîtal with the dying toddler An unimaginable story out of florida, where a 31-year-old man is accused of fatally beating his girlfriend's 17-month- old son—then stealing her belongings and pawning them off while she was at the hospital with the dying toddler. David earl vickers called 911 on aug. 21 to report the boy, luca sholey, was unresponsive and not breathing, the miami herald reports. After two days in the hospital, luca was declared brain-dead from "injuries ... Consistent with child abuse," per a police statement cited by people; he died aug. 25 as a result of blunt trauma to his brain and asphyxia. He also had bruises on his chest and six broken ribs. On aug. 27, luca's mother reported her car stereo and laptop were missing, and she told police she "found out that he [vickers] had pawned the car stereo, so she suspected that the laptop was pawned as well," a police detective tells people. Police recovered the stolen items. They say vickers took the stereo on aug. 21, before luca went to the hospital, and pawned it for $30, and that he took the laptop and charger when luca's mom was at the hospital with the toddler and pawned them for $60. Vickers was charged with crimes related to the alleged thefts on aug. 30. After an investigation in which they found vickers had allegedly physically abused luca on several occasions before his death, police arrested him thursday and charged him with second-degree murder and aggravated child abuse. He'd been watching luca and his 3- year-old sister on the day luca was fatally injured, and he told police luca had been knocked down the stairs by an older sibling, abc action news reports. Vickers had just been released from prison in may after serving nearly three years for trafficking in stolen property and defrauding a pawnbroker. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Recording radio onto CD Dear Webby, I love the news & fun. It's usually the 1st mail I open in this box. Some of your tech questions & answers have been very helpful. Thanks so much. I have a question about listneing to radio online. I have a program I usually tape off my reg radio that comes on every day at the same hour. If for some reason I do not get it I can go the the site online & listend to it again. Is there a way to tape this broadcast onto a cd? If so how mucht time will usually fit on 1 cd.I am using cd-rw that say 700mb & 80 min. Does this mean i can get 1hr +20 min on 1 cd? I appreciate your help on this. Thanks again, Sharon Dear Sharon By compressing it to MP3 or MP4 you can fit a lot more than the original air time onto a CD. There are lots of ways to do that: ... &meta= Ignore the ads on top and go to the real search results below. Take your pick! Have FUN! DearWebby

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. Don't worry. Your secrets are safe. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Marking Seed Rows Use paper seed packages as markers for rows of seeds. Just cover the seed package with clear contact paper to prevent it from the elements and slip over a small stake. Tip provided by Tip provided by If you need stakes, go to Home Depot or a similar building supply store, and ask for "Grade Stakes" or "Short Survey Stakes". They come in bundles and are cheap. To keep your seed lines perfectly straight, run dental floss between the end stakes. It is much stronger and much cheaper than any twine you can buy. You can re-use it for many years if you wind it up on the stakes at the end of the season. ____________________________________________________ I was walking when I noticed a woman walking cautiously and apparently painfully. The woman was wearing thongs, her black patent pumps held high in one hand and her other hand outstretched for balance. "You poor babe, your feet must really hurt," I said as she was about to pass me. "Wet toenails," she said tersely. __________________________________________________
How would you like to stay in a snow hotel? Slide show.
___________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test score and $64 change. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 23, in 
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Gen.
Samuel R. Curtis defeated the Confederate forces in Missouri
that were under Gen. Stirling Price. 

1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States. 

1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote
with a march in New York City, NY. 

1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great

1942 During World War II, the British began a major
offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began. 

1946 The United Nations General Assembly convened in New
York for the first time. 

1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary
and eventually suppress the uprising. 

1956 NBC broadcast the first videotape recording. The tape
of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in the U.S. 

1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded
the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the
honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the
award for writing "Dr. Zhivago". 

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval
"quarantine" of Cuba was approved by the Council of the
Organization of American States (OAS). 

1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
seat Communist China. 

1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the
subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 

1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of
hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 

1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin was

1984 "NBC Nightly News" aired footage of the severe drought
in Ethiopia. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address
the U.N. General Assembly. 

1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years
of Soviet rule. 

1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese
emperor to stand on Chinese soil. 

1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill
Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn

1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and
Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a
land-for-peace West Bank accord. 

1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 

2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and
Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and
exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with
Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall
2001. The film was scheduled for re-release in the spring of

2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In
2010, it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent
to Mars. 

2017  smiled.

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Sorting in WORD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
English woman who falsely accused soldier of rape
is jailed for five years
Today, Oct 22 in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system. --- Dan Quayle The real problem is not whether machines think, but whether men do. -- B. F. Skinner Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting. "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Ralph elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?" "I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man. "In that case," said Ralph, "take my hand!" The man immediately grasped Ralph's hand and was hauled to safety and a lengthy accident related delay was safely avoided. Ralph turned to the amazed by-standers. "Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed up she got, getting all woried over getting the most in the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, ane because she was such a bitch during the divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in exstasy. For my last wish... "I'd like to give birth to twins". ______________________________________________________ Banff _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rebecca Palmer, 26, in jail in England Woman who falsely accused soldier of rape is jailed for five years Rebecca Palmer, 26, was sentenced after she made fake allegations against a 22-year-old soldier after he "rejected her". Rebecca Palmer, 26, had “consensual sexual activity” with the 22-year-old, a court heard. But when the soldier – serving with the King’s Royal Hussars, based in Tidworth, Wilts – ended things she made a string of allegations, including rape. Jurors heard Palmer also said she was pregnant but claimed to have lost the baby in a purported suicide bid. Prosecutor Joanne Jakymec said: “On being rejected by him [she] embarked on a malicious campaign which led to him being arrested on more than one occasion and held in custody.” At Winchester crown court Palmer, of Swindon, was found guilty of perverting justice. She also admitted malicious communications and perverting the course of public justice. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Sorting in WORD Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Eloise Dear Eloise Highlight what you want to sort, hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT, then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs. If you are sorting email addresses that are one address per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a paragraph break (empty line) between each address block. If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, sort it there, and then copy it back into the original document. Have FUN! DearWebby

Sam and Anni are at the beach sitting on a blanket. A man with a body of a dancer wearing a bikini swimsuit walks by. Sam: Hmm... Want ME to wear a Speedo? Anni: No. Sam: Why not? I've got nothing to hide. Anni: That's the problem.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Check shipping before buying online Note the Shipping Charge When Bidding On Online Auctions You can find good deals at online auctions but one trick that some sellers play is they offer a low bid price for the product, but have a really high shipping price. Never bid on an item until you have calculated the cost of your bid and the shipping charge. Tip provided by If you want to see why I feel so strongly about it, have a look at a typical example that I uploaded: The item was a little circuit board that could have been shipped by mail in a padded envelope. Don't just not bid, tell the seller what kind of shipping is acceptable to you, and what isn't. DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Trevor for this story: A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress. The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her. Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?" __________________________________________________
Well, this is a different table.
___________________________________________________ A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzoh ball soup." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said. "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ross for these anecdotes of a Washington DC area travel agent, who thinks she understands from these anecdotes why we are having problems in the US. I've been a Travel Agent for thirty Years. Following are examples of why our country is in trouble! 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town, I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts," Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massawhosits, Cape town is in Africa," Her response - click. 3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state! 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, “But they look so close on the map." 5 An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." 6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, she bought that. 7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that's very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it' (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. 8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?" 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." 10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi- Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!" So I booked her on a flight to Whatever, Alaska. 11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa when I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" 12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma’am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said. Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in! ____________________________________________________

Today, October 22, in 
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It
later became known as Princeton University. 

1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first
constitutionally elected president of the Republic of Texas.

1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment"
among those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected
to come to an end according to the followers of William

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began
withdrawing money from many New York banks. 

1939 The first televised pro football game was telecast from
New York. Brooklyn defeated Philadelphia 23-14. 

1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces
to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the
discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island. 

1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The
spacecraft had orbited the Earth 163 times. 

1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi, who had
been installed in Iran by the CIA, was allowed into the U.S.
for medical treatment. 

1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization
was decertified by the federal government for its strike the
previous August. 

1983 At the Augusta National Golf Course in Georgia, an
armed man crashed a truck through front gates and demanded
to speak with U.S. President Ronald Reagan. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan signed the Tax Reform Act of 1986
into law. 

1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade
Association agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations
by the year 1993. 

1998 Pakistan's carpet weaving industry announced that they
would begin to phase out child labor. 

1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in
which it defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 

1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications

2010 The International Space Station set the record (3641
days) for the longest continuous human occupation of space.
It had been continously inhabited since November 2, 2000. 

2017  smiled.

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How to quickly recognize a spoof or scam 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 21

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Explosive devices, weapon arsenal found 
in Florida child porn raid
Today, Oct 21 in
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
America is a mistake, a giant mistake. --- Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939) ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put an ice cube into the cup so that I could drink the coffee soon. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two guys had businesses on the same street. One had customers coming and going and the other, well, maybe two or three a day. Finally, Morris, whose business was doing badly, decided to visit Shapiro, who was doing very well. Going in the door, he saw a large banner over the entrance which read : "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE." Morris wanted to know why Shapiro was going out of business, since he seemed to be doing so well. Shapiro confided, "That sign has been in my window for almost eight years. If I took it down, I would go out of business." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A customer was so infatuated with his waitress he decided to ask her for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. With a total lack of finesse, he blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me since you served me? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress, "It`s close to the end of my shift and I don`t want to make another pot of coffee. I thought you wanted more coffee." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Randall Drake, 24, Dunedin, Florida Explosive devices, weapon arsenal found in Florida child porn raid Authorities say they found three explosive devices and other weapons during a child porn raid at a Florida home. A Pinellas County Sheriff's Office news release says 24- year-old Randall Drake was arrested Wednesday and charged with two counts of unlawfully making, possessing or attempting to make a destructive device. Authorities say detectives found a locked closet while serving a warrant at Drake's Dunedin home, where he lives with his parents. Besides finding tubes filled with gunpowder and wicks, investigators also found aerial photos of two Hillsborough County schools and a water treatment facility. Deputies removed 20 guns, 15 knives, a baseball bat with protruding nails, a crossbow, brass knuckles and gun powder from the home. Drake was free on $20,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Wireless Connectivity Dear Webby, I am used to using the wireless modem in my laptop to connect to hotels where I am staying, and am fairly comfortable with the procedure. However, now and then it happens that I connect to the hotel's router, and see good signal strength, but can't get anywhere. What do you recommend in those cases? Brenda Dear Brenda Get your money back and go to a better hotel. They gambled on a 4 station home type router being enough, and you were #5. They rarely admit that and that type of hotel usually tries to blame it on your computer. It is NOT your computer's fault, and not your settings. Do not let them talk you into changing your settings, and don't let them waste your time, while they hope that somebody will log off. Just demand your money back and go to a better hotel. Without messing with your settings, you can usually get better connectivity from the parking lot of a Holiday Inn, than from the lobby of for example a Baymont Inn. When enough people smarten up and demand their money back, they will eventually get proper equipment and stop trying to blame you. Have FUN! DearWebby

A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary school when a situation like this arose -- repeat your last point. Often this will help you remember what should come next. So he gave it a try. "Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing. He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row. The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apolo- gize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young man. It was my fault...I should have gotten ready for you. After all, you did tell me three times you were coming!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Say "No" to Rent-To-Own Avoid Rent-To-Own stores like the plague. They offer horrible financing which will result in your having to pay at least double for any products you buy. You are much better served by getting a loan from a credit union, using a low interest credit card, or better yet, depositing money into savings account every month so you can buy the product outright. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ From Phil Friday, we had a tornado drill. We're underneath a parking garage and there's a PA announcement "This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows." Somebody yelled out: "Quick, get to a DOS prompt!" (Click on START, type cmd and hit ENTER) __________________________________________________
A rare thread called "sea silk.
___________________________________________________ A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided. Monday he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water, and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better." "Really?!?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it; MY maid said hot water."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Sarah would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll go to Walmart and buy curtains." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 21, in 
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor. 

1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of
Spain. The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 

1849 The first tattooed man, James F. O'Connell, was put on
exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY. 

1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 

1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp.
It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 

1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War
I near Nancy, France. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter. 

1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY. 

1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had
fined 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.

1927 In New York City, construction began on the George
Washington Bridge. 

1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was
captured by U.S. troops. 

1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first

1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 

1959 The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New
York. The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. 

1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC,
in opposition to the Vietnam War. 

1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to
Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there and
to kick out the Cubans. 

1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The
action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five
American diplomats. 

1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was
released after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 

1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring
North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to

1998 Cancer specialist Dr. Jane Henney became the FDA's
first female commissioner. 

2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial
birth abortions. 

2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's
offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the
communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons

2017  smiled.

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How to recognize scams 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Six arrested for armed robbery in Canton
during alleged drug deal
Today, Oct 20 in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI. Maria Theresa put together an empire, in which
the sun never set, was always up somewhere. She had 23 kids
while being empress.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. ---Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ From Hania At a wedding ceremony, the soft-spoken pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and the groom. "Speak now, or forever hold your peace" he implored. That moment of utter silence was broken when a young woman carrying a child stood up and started walking toward the pastor, slowly. The new-born's whimpers echoed inside the church. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groomsmen gave each other "knowing" looks. The groom's mother fainted. The Bride's parents quickly escorted their daughter out of the chapel. The Groom turned beet red in embarrassment as onlookers left the ceremony in a panic. The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back of the chapel." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Phil I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??'' replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!!!'' ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Harris, 19, of Acworth Shamer Jones , 19, of Canton Marissa Lemieux, 18, of Jasper Brittany McGuire, 19, of Jasper Deshaun Tiller, 18, of Canton Nicole Clary, 18, of Jasper Georgia Six arrested for armed robbery in Canton during alleged drug deal Six people in Canton face serious charges after they were arrested in connection with an armed robbery which happened Thursday night. Police said a group of suspects set up the victim to meet them on Jefferson Circle last Thursday. According to officers, the armed suspects then stole cash and narcotics from the victim and drove away. The victim called 911 to report the crime and police were able to catch up with the suspects during a traffic stop. Officials seized the gun used in the robbery, as well as what investigators call "a felony amount of drugs." Those arrested were: William Harris, 19, of Acworth Shamer Jones , 19, of Canton Marissa Lemieux, 18, of Jasper Brittany McGuire, 19, of Jasper Deshaun Tiller, 18, of Canton Nicole Clary, 18, of Jasper All were charged with armed robbery, aggravated assault, and possession of cocaine with intent to distribute Police said charges are also forthcoming on Shaud Pinzon, 20, of Duluth, who was identified by investigators as the victim. Those charges could include possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, according to police. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annelise Re: Recognize Spoofs Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to recognize spoofs like the fake mails from PayPal, banks and postcards? Annelise Dear Annelise Yes, there is. Hover your mouse over the embedded links and watch the bottom status line. It will show you where the link actually goes to. If it goes to some number domain instead of the one it pretends to go to, or to a Russian domain (, or any domain other than where it pretends to go to, then trash that mail. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Additional Warranties at Checkout At checkout at electronic stores, the clerk will always offer you an additional warranty. The script usually sounds a little like this: "Would like addition buyers protection on this product for only $20.00". Only buy products that have good warranties in the first place, and say "No" when a checker offers you an impulse warranty on electronics. If you are afraid that the product will not last past the manufacturers warranty, it's probably not worth buying. Also, your credit card may offer extended warranties on purchased items already. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep with daddy." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy." __________________________________________________
Well preserved modernist homes of pre-revolutionary Cuba.
___________________________________________________ A YOUNG WOMAN inherited a home that had been built by distant relatives. Before she could take possession of the property, however, government surveyors had to decide whether it was located in the United States or Canada. When they declared the home was just inside the U.S. border, the young woman was very much relieved. “I’m glad to hear that,” she admitted. “I’ve been told that Canadian winters are quite severe.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Walter, the stonecarver from for this joke: Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, what's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smell nice?" The woman replies, "Its Keith, the midget." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 20, in 
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI. Maria Theresa put together an empire, in which
the sun never set, was always up somewhere. She had 23 kids
while being empress.

1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of
America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all
citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage all
horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting,
exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions
and entertainment." 

1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase. 

1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary
between the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel. 

1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek War
for Independence. 

1873 A Hippodrome was opened in New York City by showman
Phineus T. (P.T.) Barnum. 

1892 The city of Chicago dedicated the World's Columbian

1903 A joint commission ruled in favor of the U.S.
concerning a dispute over the boundary between Canada and
the District of Alaska. 

1910 A baseball with a cork center was used in a World
Series game for the first time. 

1930 "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" debuted on NBC

1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that
took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist

1942 Pierre Laval told the French labor that they must serve
in Germany. 

1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines. 

1944 During World War II, the Yugoslav cities of Belgrade
and Dubrovnik were liberated. 

1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American
Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist
influence within the motion picture industry. It drove the
Communists underground and made them call themselves
Socialists and Liberals.

1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in

1957 Walter Cronkite began hosting "The 20th Century." The
show aired until January 4, 1970. 

1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. 

1979 The John F. Kennedy Library in Boston was dedicated. 

1993 Attorney General Janet Reno warned the TV industry to
limit the violence in their programs. 

1994 The website was launched. 

1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that
banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific. 

2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without
safety devices and survived. He was charged with illegally
performing a stunt. 

2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets.

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 19
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out 
of jail in wacky escape. 
Today, Oct 19 in
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional
amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in on the Jewish high holidays. He said, "Look, I have to give an emergency message to a doctor friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, I'll give the doctor the message and then I'll be right out." "All right," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the aged president of the company was out of town, half a dozen of his senior executives got together to plan some way to ease the old coot out of the driver's seat. To their horror, the executive VP's secretary buzzed him halfway through the meeting to inform him that the president had come back early and was on his way to see him. "If he catches us all here he'll know exactly what we're up to," cried the VP. "Quick, you five jump out the window!" "But we're on the thirteenth floor," protested the treasurer. "Jump!" yelled the VP. "This is no time for superstition!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bob made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Peanut brain gang Walker County Jail Alabama 12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out of jail in wacky escape. 11 of 12 got caught the same day, the 12th on the next day 800 Miles away. Twelve inmates at Walker County Jail in Alabama used peanut butter to fool a newbie prison guard so they could escape on Sunday, reported. But authorities hunted them down quickly. 11 were in custody the same evening. Spreading the sticky lunch favorite, the men covered a number on a door to the outside. The new guard in the control room thought he was unlocking a cell door remotely for inmates who yelled to him to open up. But really, the guard was leading them on the way to freedom, Sheriff James Underwood told CNN. The inmates then used blankets to climb a 12-foot fence topped with razor wire. “Changing numbers on doors with peanut butter ? It may sound crazy, but these kinds of people are crazy like a fox,” Underwood said at a news conference. Bradley Andrew Kilpatrick, 24, who was jailed on drug charges, was the only inmate still free as of Monday night, according to the New York Daily News. He was caught Tuesday after his sister and her fiancee had driven him to Florida. Now they are jailed too. “Escapes happen,” Underwood said, per AP. “We’ve got some evil people down here, and they scheme all the time to con us and our employees at the jail. You’ve got to stay on your toes. This is one time we slipped up. I’m not going to make any excuses.” Jail breaks are serioous felonies, skipping to a different state makes it an interstate crime. By the time that 12th guy gets out into sunshine again, dope will have gone out of fashion. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Disable Firewall? Dear Webby, I have had Norton/Symantic Anti Virus, internet security and a firewall installed on my pc when I bought it 3 months ago. Out of the blue, I could not send and receive e mails, so I called Road Runner Tech Support. The tech made me disable the firewall. Now I can get e mails, but have no firewall. Should I just keep the firewall disabled???? Thanks, Ann S Dear Ann NO! Do NOT disable your firewall! What a MORON! Firewalls are not sold to be disabled. They are sold to protect you. I have not recommended Norton since 2000, but even Norton's firewall is better than no firewall at all. I would suggest getting MalwareBytes or McAfee. If that is not in the budget right now, enable the built in Microsoft firewall. It works, and it is free. Contact support at the maker of your computer and get them to step you through enabling the Microsoft firewall. Dont delay that! Do it now! Have FUN! DearWebby

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Store Return Policies Before purchasing something from a store, make sure you know and understand their return policies, and how they apply to what you are buying. Most stores have restocking fees for opened items and some items like software cannot be returned if opened. Also, some stores only accept returns of certain types of items, like electronics, for anywhere from 7 to 30 days after purchase. Tip provided by Some, like Walmart, want you to send warranty items to the manufacturer. ____________________________________________________
Life of flowers
____________________________________________________ Thanks to the folks from Erie for this story: Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at AOL on the Help Desk. __________________________________________________
Real world fairy-tale landscapes.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Teresa for this story: A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What´s your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken´s mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs." ___________________________________________________ Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race. Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did in the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew all his money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest. He demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost all my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and Last Rites.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
From Connie R I'm sure you've heard from the news that 100 years ago a magnitude 7.8 earthquake struck San Francisco. BUT did you know what else happened in California approximately 100 years ago????? 1. California became a State. 2. The State had no electricity. 3. The State had no money. 4. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. 5. There were gun fights in the streets. So basically, it was just like California today, except the women didn't have earthquake proof breasts and men didn't hold hands. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 19, in 
1765 In the U.S., The Stamp Act Congress met and drew up a
declaration of rights and liberties. 

1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to
U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It was
to be the last major battle of the American Revolutionary

1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat
out of Russia after a month of chasing the fleeing Russian

1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used
to pick up mail in Washington, DC. 

1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the
president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts
of Mexico except where Carranza was in control. 

1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by
the Berlin Organization Committee. 

1937 "Woman's Day" was published for the first time. 

1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in
Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R.,
Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims
and cooperation between the nations. 

1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be
allowed into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service

1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean
capital of Pyongyang. 

1951 U.S. President Truman signed an act officially ending
the state of war with Germany. 

1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba
covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain
food products. 

1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-
Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." 

1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City. 

1984 Four U.S. employees of the CIA were killed in El
Salvador when their plane crashed. 

1987 The Dow Jones industrial average dropped 508 points. It
was the worst one-day percentage decline, 22.6%, in history.

1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional
amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. 

1993 Benazir Bhutto was returned to the premiership of

1998 In Washington, DC, Microsoft went on trial to defend
against an antitrust case. 

1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing
license back after he had lost it for biting Evander
Holyfield's ear during a fight. 

2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear
plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the
banks of the Thames River. He survived only on water for 44
days. Blaine had entered the box on September 5. 

2009 The international version of Amazon's Kindle 2 was

2017  smiled.

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Camera recommendation 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 18
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 women charged in $7,000 Victoria's Secret 
theft and car chase.
Today, Oct 18 in
Today, October 18, in 
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. 
The marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) Again and again, the impossible problem is solved when we see that the problem is only a tough decision waiting to be made. --- Robert H. Schuller ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Byron for this story: Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!". When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, .....because they pour the water on you." "We're not Babtis, .....because they dunk all of you in the water." "We're not Methdiss, ......because they just sprinkle water on you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!" They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pisscopailians. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find somebody sitting in a chair. Kill that person!" The man entered the killing room and came right back out. The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don'! t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to go into the room and kill the person sitting on the chair. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ THanks to Dianne for this sage advice: 5 secrets to a perfect relationship 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man is good in bed and loves making love to you. 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany R. Bobo, 24, Shomyia Hemphill, 28, (green hair) Lamonica McGee, 23, St. Louis, Missouri 3 women charged in $7,000 Victoria's Secret theft and car chase. St. Louis, Missouri — Three women have been charged with stealing more than $7,000 worth of Victoria’s Secret merchandise. Brittany R. Bobo, 24, Shomyia Hemphill, 28, and Lamonica McGee, 23, are facing felony stealing charges. Hemphill is also facing an additional charge of resisting arrest. The crime that began at Victoria’s Secret ended in a car fire on Highway 64/40. Police say the women entered a Victoria’s Secret in the Meadows shopping center in Lake St. Louis, walked to the front displays and began stacking clothing that had been spread out on display tables. After the women made numerous stacks they took the clothing and ran out, police say. Lake St. Louis Police say the women drove off in a 2007 Nissan Altima. Police tried to stop their car as it fled east on Interstate 64. During the pursuit the driver struck a curb and blew out the tire. Driving on an exposed rim, the suspects fled east on 64/40 with officers following them. Eventually, the driver pulled over near Spoede Road and the car caught fire, likely due to the heat and sparks from the rims grinding against the roadway. All but one lane of eastbound Highway 64/40 was closed at Spoede and the westbound lanes, while open, were heavily slowed by curious gawkers slowing down and taking pictures. None of the suspects were injured and the 3 women were arrested. Bond for the suspects is set at $10,000 each. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Camera recommendation Dear Webby, Hi, There. Thanks for all the information you give us. It really helps us who have a trouble by times! HA! HA! My question is this: I'm in the market for a new camera. Wondering what is the best buy. I don't do anything fancy, just take photos but I want to be able to take good photos. Love landscapes, birds, butterflies etc. Especially flowers. I have a KodakEasyShare that is around 15-20 years old and it's time to upgrade. Any suggestions? Thanks for all the jokes, they make my morning. And also thanks for all the info on the sidebar. Have used some of the info and there are some fantastic programs there for everything that anyone might need. Keep up the good work and stay healthy Wendy Dear Wendy If I had the money for a new camera, I would buy a Canon Powershot. There are various models for various budgets. Even the lowest cost version is a great camera. Check Price Grabber, Amazon, Walmart, etc., for new ones. Have FUN! DearWebby

The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing. Finally one catc hes his breath and tells her, "Yes, we have 710 caps for Buicks."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Changing a Hot Light Bulb If you don't want to wait a few minutes for the light bulb to cool down, just use an oven mitt to untwist the hot bulb. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Christian cuss words
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: RETARDED GRANDPARENTS (this was actually reported by a teacher) A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. They go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night ---early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren. __________________________________________________
Saint Simons Island Tree Spirits.
___________________________________________________ A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ___________________________________________________ Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room. The nurse came out of the delivery room and announced to one of the fathers that he was the father of twins. He was delighted and said what a coincidence, since he was a member of the Minnesota Twins team. A little later the nurse came out again and said to the next father, congratulations, your wife just had triplets. He was so a happy, and said, "Isn't that a coincidence -- I work for 3M." The other father took off like a shot -- the nurse ran after him, saying, "Where are you going?" Over his shoulder, the nurse heard him mumbling something about his work at 7UP.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks! here who weren't quite as bad as you I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves" Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Jesse said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what made her famous. Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said . . . "OK, Monica, you can go upstairs." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 18, in 
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The
marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 

1685 King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes,
which had established the legal toleration of the Protestant

1767 The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the
boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania. 

1842 Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph

1860 British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of
the Second Opium War. 

1867 The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia.
The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars (2
cents per acre). 

1892 The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago,
IL, and New York City, NY, was opened. 

1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one
year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from

1929 The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council ruled
that women were to be considered as persons in Canada. 

1944 Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during World
War II. 

1956 NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of radio-
equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks. 

1958 The first computer-arranged marriage took place on Art
Linkletter's show. 

1961 Henri Matiss' "Le Bateau" went on display at New York's
Museum of Modern Art. It was discovered 46 days later that
the painting had been hanging upside down. 

1968 Two black athletes, Tommie Smith and John Carlos, were
suspended by the U.S. Olympic Committee for giving a "black
power" salute during a ceremony in Mexico City. 

1969 The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners due to
evidence that they caused cancer. 

1970 Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to death
after eight days of being held captive by the Quebec
Liberation Front (FLQ). French president DeGaulle and his
"Quebec Libre" speech ahd gotten the FLQ all excited, but
after not enough financial help from France and a referendum
a couple years later, they had to back down.

1977 Reggie Jackson tied Babe Ruth's record for hitting
three homeruns in a single World Series game. Jackson was
only the second player to achieve this. 

1983 General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities
for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission. 

1985 South African authorities hanged black activist
Benjamin Moloise. Moloise had been convicted of murdering a
police officer. 

1989 Egon Krenz became the leader of East Germany after
Erich Honecker was ousted. Honeker had been in power for 18

1989 The space shuttle Atlantis was launched on a mission
that included the deployment of the Galileo space probe. 

1990 Iraq made an offer to the world that it would sell oil
for $21 a barrel. The price level was the same as it had
been before the invasion of Kuwait. 

1997 A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and
present, was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery. 

2013 Saudi Arabia became the first nation to reject a seat
on the United Nations Security Council. Jordan took the seat
on December 6.

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 17
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested 
at Clayton Co. gas station
Today, Oct 17 in
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. --- Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this story: A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $10." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents." "Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Dale says, "Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Earl sips his beer for a moment and says, "If I were you, I would think it over very carefully - women like that are darn hard to find." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Corey Humes, Chassity Thomas, Clayton County, Georgia Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested at Clayton Co. gas station Authorities arrested a murder suspect Thursday at a gas station in Clayton County. The Clayton County Sheriff's Office said Corey Humes was found sitting in a car in the parking lot outside the QT on Upper Riverdale. Humes is accused of shooting and killing a man after a drug deal went bad in Houston County. "Humes did not stand a chance," the Clayton County Sheriff's Office said in a news release on Friday. "Deputies surrounded him so quickly that he did not have time to reach for the 32 caliber Beretta that his girlfriend Chassity Thomas was sitting on." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Julie Re: Image stabilizer Dear Webby, I have seen some cameras advertised that claim to have an image stabilizer. Does that really work, or is it just hype? If it DOES work, how does it work? I have always been told, even by you, that for long zoom shots there is no substitute for a sturdy tripod. Julie Dear Julie An image stabilizer takes an average of a few microseconds of jittering around and electronically locks that for a second or two. It works great for long distance landscape pictures at high zoom, but is not so good for fast action shots. If you, for example want to take pictures of a fast basketball game, get in closer, use less zoom, and turn the image stabilizer off. Use it for slow moving animals like alligators, turn it off for butterflies and humming birds. Have FUN! DearWebby

This is an ancient classic: A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail." The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Paperclip Bookmark A paper clip works well as a bookmark, especially if you are carrying books in a bag or backpack. The paperclip won't fall out the way a loose bookmark can. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Evolution of Music
____________________________________________________ A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the handle." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Can't trust nobody no more!" __________________________________________________
This street artist is painting fake shadows and making people do double takes.
___________________________________________________ At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" ___________________________________________________ Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away. The druggist stood there and shook his head. I asked, "What's with them ?" He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax and she's on Prozac."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, I wrote them during office hours. OOOPS!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 17, in 
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George
II so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of
exposed and deserted young children" in Londond, England. 

1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga,
NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary

1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands. 

1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 

1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after
leaving Germany. 

1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina
after staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 

1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries
including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed
from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria
attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted
until March of 1974. 

1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full
U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson

1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace

1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified
radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 

1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit
the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused
about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7

1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 

1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace
treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war. 

1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara
were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his
execution in Bolivia. 

2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened
to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's
other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam
and Las Vegas. 

2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th
victory as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck
to become the record holder for career victories. 

2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical
Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the
assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by Israel
2 months earlier. 

2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because
of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of
Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a
normal troop rotation. 

2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was
kidnapped by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was
released on April 8, 2002. 

2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved
a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's

2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-
foot-tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was
planned to open for business in 2004. 

2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station
reopened as a heritage center. 

2017  smiled.

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Sorting bookmarks in Chrome 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 16
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
GA man used ax during robbery; 
wore high visibility Pokémon backpack
Today, Oct 16 in
1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette
was beheaded after being convicted of treason. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jones came into the office, an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" his boss asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit´s still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson´s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Gina for this story: When my youngest daughter was three, she begged to be allowed to attend a concert with her older sister and brother. She assured me she was a big girl and would behave herself. As we took our seats in the orchestra hall, I handed programs to the kids. Following the lead of her older siblings, my three-year-old opened her program, and in her most grown-up voice said, "Mommy, I'll have the chicken, please." ______________________________________________________ Onion Harvest in Nevada _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Funzail Woods, 29, Atlanta GA GA man used axe during robbery; wore high visibility Pokémon backpack Funzail Woods was arrested after using an axe as a weapon at the Target store on Piedmont Road in Buckhead, according to police. Investigators said the man walked over to the electronics section, “where he took a cell phone out of a package and proceeded to put it in his pocket. When he was approached by the manager, he actually presented an axe. The manager, of course, backed off,” said Officer Lisa Bender, Atlanta Police Department. Woods then ran out the store. The 911 alert went out to Zone 2 officers. By then, Woods had changed his shirt. “But he didn't change his backpack. So, I think that's what got him,” said Officer Bender. “The man took off running when he saw police. And he did have a Pokémon backpack, so those are normally a bright color and typically easy to spot.” Woods allegedly showed his weapon to one of the officers, but apparently figured that wasn't such a good idea. Close by on Sidney Marcus, Atlanta Police said he tossed the backpack into the street. It was too late to make a getaway. By then several officers surrounded him and took him into custody. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Thomas Re: Can you sort bookmarks in Chrome? Dear Webby, Can you sort bookmarks in Chrome? Thanks Thomas Dear Thomas Yes, you can, but it is top secret. Open your web browser. CTRL SHIFT o That is the Bookmarks Manager. Click on the Organise button Reorder by title. Chrome unfortunately is rather incompetent when it comes to sorting bookmarks. They want you to google for new stuff, not go to where you have already been, and especially not where you have been recently, before you got rudely interrupted by your boss. You can NOT sort the bookmarks by date or by URL. If you want that, you need the Dewey The Dewey is actually a program, that you add as an extension to Chrome. It is a complete bookmarks manager. You will probably never use all the features it has, but the quick sorting by date or URL is very handy. You can even add tags like PRAYER to bookmarks, and then have searches limited to bookmarks, that have a chosen tag. Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman with a baby came into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Breast fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist,"the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk." "Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came...."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Fake books for Halloween decoration By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] I wanted a stack of old books as a prop with my Halloween decorations, but all of the ones I found were too expensive. Then I saw these at the craft store, they are actually boxes. They are perfect and easily customizable. Faux Books for Halloween By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] I wanted a stack of old books as a prop with my Halloween decorations, but all of the ones I found were too expensive. Then I saw these at the craft store, they are actually boxes. They are perfect and easily customizable. Supplies: paper mache book boxes black paint white paint gold paint paint brushes clear coat, optional Steps: Paint the outside of books (skipping the pages area and the spine details). Once the paint is dry, paint the inside of the box. I recommend doing 2 coats of paint. Paint the spine details with the gold paint. For the pages, I mixed white and gold paint together to give them an aged look. Stack your faux books and use them as part of your Halloween decorations. You can also store treats or small items in them too. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
We fall to pieces
____________________________________________________ Thanks to kati for this story: Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain Man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in Basic, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. __________________________________________________
Line Rider Perfectly Synced to Edvard Grieg’s Mountain King
___________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now." ___________________________________________________ >From Ida My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free newspapers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked, soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravishes me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" His funeral will be held next Thursday ____________________________________________________

Today, October 16, in 
1701 The Collegiate School was founded in Killingworth, CT.
The school moved to New Haven in 1745 and changed its name
to Yale College. 

1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette
was beheaded after being convicted of treason. 

1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America
opened. The Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2
a day and included four meals. 

1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry,
VA (now located in West Virginia). 

1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to
install indoor plumbing. 

1916 Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic
in New York City, NY. 

1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute
the Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start
of the Disney Company. 

1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted
electric light bulb. 

1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow.
Romanians entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating
150,000 Jews. 

1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened with
a ribbon cutting ceremony. 

1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers
using the name Ann Landers. 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were
missile bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis. 

1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the
world's fifth nuclear power. 

1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels. 

1970 Anwar Sadat was elected president of Egypt to succeed
Gamal Abdel Nassar. 

1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of
the Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined the

1978 Poland's Karol Josef Wojtyla was elected Pope John
Paul II. 

1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a
ballistic missile from a submarine. 

1987 Rescuers freed Jessica McClure from the abandoned well
that she had fallen into in Midland, TX. She was trapped
for 58 hours. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed the Gramm-
Rudman budget reduction law that ordered federal programs
be cut by $16.1 billion. 

1990 Comedian Steve Martin and his wife Victoria Tennant
visited U.S. soldiers in Saudi Arabia. 

1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of
U.S. warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase
pressure on the controlling military leaders. 

1994 German Chancellor Helmut Kohl was re-elected to a
fourth term. 

1995 The "Million Man March" took place in Washington, DC. 

1997 Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that
they would give $1 million toward the construction of a D-
Day memorial to be placed in Virginia. 

2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying
Texaco Inc. for $35 billion. The combined company was
called Chevron Texaco Corp. and became the 4th largest oil
company in the world. 

2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S.
that it had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation
of an 1994 agreement with the U.S. 

2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to
five years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing a
federeal investigation of the energy company Enron. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 billion television
episodes sold.

2017  smiled.

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Which search engine? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 15
Have Fun!

Thank you Joseph!!

Todays Bonehead Award:
New Orleans Police Officer Murdered In Ambush
Today, Oct 15 in
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to
presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated
that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Hey Bubba, what do you think about gun control?" "Yall have to use both hands, Betty-Sue" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My home church welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darren Bridges, 30, New Orleans, New Orleans Police Officer Murdered In Ambush A New Orleans police officer was fatally shot on Friday by Darren Bridges, a Convicted Felon. He was ambushed as he and his patrol team stepped out of their car to investigate something suspicious shortly after midnight. Other officers returned fire, wounding a suspect who eventually surrendered to a SWAT team, police said. “Our officer collapsed right there on the scene” and died at a hospital, Police Superintendent Michael Harrison told reporters at an early morning news conference. “They were on routine patrol,” he said. “They saw something that aroused their suspicion. They were exiting the vehicle and upon exiting the vehicle, what we have learned is that this perpetrator fired at our officer, striking our officer.” The wounded suspect, a man about 30 years old, fled into an apartment, which was surrounded by a SWAT team. Police negotiators eventually persuaded him to give up. “There was a peaceful surrender after long negotiations,” Harrison said. Bridges has a lengthy criminal record stretching back many years. The killer was taken to a hospital with several gunshot wounds and arrested. It is not known yet whether Bridges attempted "Suicide by cop" or just wanted a lifetime of free room and board. In East New Orleans cops travel 4 per car, and he had no chance of getting away with his ambush. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: Which Search Engine Dear Webby, You seem to be able to find an answer to just about anything. What kinds of search engine do you use ? Sara Dear Sarah Usually I just use I set that as the default in my browser. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man is walking along a California beach when he stumbles across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie! The genie says, "OK, OK! You released me from the lamp, blah, blah,blah. This is the fourth time this month and I am getting sick and tired of granting all these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get ONE wish!" The man sits down on the sand and thinks about it for a while. Finally he says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared of flying and I get very sea sick. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?" "That's impossible!" shrieks the genie. "Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?! Think of how much concrete that would take, how much steel! No! No way! Think of another wish!" He thinks for a long time and says I've been married and divorced four times and all of my wives has said that I don't care and that I am insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they are crying...know what they really want when they say "nothing"...know how to truly make them happy.... The genie says, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Heel Marks on the Floor First, the best way to prevent heel marks is to have a "no shoes" policy in your house. If you have a heel mark you need to remove, just rub it with a pencil eraser. A "magic" eraser also works well for removing heel marks on floors or baseboards. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Climbing Shanghai Tower
____________________________________________________ It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class." __________________________________________________
Oranki Art Park Lappland.
___________________________________________________ Two truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS. The first driver measures his truck and says, "Damn...3 .2 meters!" The second one looks furtively around and says, "No police, anywhere. try it!" ___________________________________________________ A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. He said, "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. But, the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable politician. Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 15, in 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote
island of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. 

1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to
presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated
that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 

1883 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the Civil
Rights Act of 1875. It allowed for individuals and
corporations to discriminate based on race. 

1892 The U.S. government announced that the land in the
western Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres
were bought from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre. 

1937 "To Have and Have Not" by Ernest Hemingway was
published for the first time. 

1939 New York Municipal Airport was dedicated. The name was
later changed to La Guardia Airport. 

1945 Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was
executed for treason. 

1946 Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of
the Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his
scheduled execution. 

1964 It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev
had been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei N.

1983 U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them
down in Beirut International Airport. 

1984 The Freedom of Information Act was passed. 

1989 Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles
Kings, surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850
career points. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade
sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers.

1993 South Africa's President F.W. de Klerk and African
National Congress President Nelson Mandela were named
winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to end
the apartheid system in South Africa. 

1997 British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the
land-speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than
the speed of sound. 

1997 The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape
Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back
pictures of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing. 

1998 The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba
for the seventh year in a row. 

2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of
Jupiter's moon Io. 

2011 Legoland Florida opened in Winter Haven, Florida

2017  smiled.

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What to do when CTRL C and CTRL V are not working 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 14
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man googled 'how to rob a bank' 
robbed a bank, then got jailed.
Today, Oct 14 in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter. "Do I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Linda A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a tiger??" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Joe Johnson, 26, Pinellas Park, Florida Florida man googled 'how to rob a bank' robbed a bank, then got jailed. Sheriff's deputies on Monday arrested a man accused of robbing a bank near Largo last week, then using the money on utilities, rent and a drug binge. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, William Joe Johnson, 26, on Thursdaystole an undisclosed amount of money from Achieva Credit Union at 10125 Ulmerton Road. Deputies arrested him Monday night on a robbery charge at the Express Inn at 11333 U.S. 19 N in Pinellas Park. Johnson entered the bank just before 11 a.m., approached the teller, implied he had a gun and told the teller to give him cash, according to deputies. He ran from the store with the cash. After an investigation, deputies found him at the hotel. In an interview, detectives said Johnson told them he was in need of money and searched on Google "how to rob a bank." Deputies booked him into the Pinellas County Jail about 3 a.m. Tuesday in lieu of $100,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Lost CTRL C and CTRL V Dear Webby, I don't know what happened, but I seem to have lost my CTRL+C and CTRL+V capabilities! Any thoughts on how to get them back? Sorry if it's a stupid question! Jerry Dear Jerry Your usable amount of RAM is in use or bunged up. Hightlight a comma or period, copy that with CTRL Insert, and paste that. That will normally clear the clipboard of any big stuff. After that run CrapCleaner from to clean up the temporary files. Rebooting also helps. Have FUN! DearWebby

Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Shoe Boxes for Building Kids Blocks Use safe shoe boxes and other similar size boxes to make large building blocks for your kids. Tape the lid of the box on and then cover them with contact paper. You can even find contact paper with a brick or wood pattern on it. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
man and woman born 2 hours apart in same hospital marry
____________________________________________________ A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!" The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN." The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. "HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man. __________________________________________________
Amazing Highlights from the 2017 Nat Geo Nature Photographer of the Year Contest
___________________________________________________ A couple hired a maid to cook and do housework. She worked out fine, till one day, after about six months, she said she would have to quit. "But why?" asked the disappointed wife. She said: "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay." She talked to her husband; he agreed, and they adopted the baby. All went well, but soon the maid was pregnant again. The wife talked to her husband, and they adopted baby two. Soon it happened again. They made the same offer, and adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two after that, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time." "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the wife. "No," she said, "there are just to many kids here to pick up after." ___________________________________________________ The 5 Scariest Things in the Army! 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Y'all watch this $%!#..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox! ____________________________________________________

Today, October 14, in 
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of

1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D.
Husbands for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile. 

1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an
agreement for the international marketing rights for the

1888 In England, Louis Le Prince filmed the experimental
film "Roundhay Garden Scene." It is the oldest surviving
motion picture. 

1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in
Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not
serious and he continued with his planned speech. William
Schrenk was captured at the scene of the shooting. 

1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane
speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-

1926 The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made its

1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from
the League of Nations. 

1936 The first SSB (Social Security Board) office opened in
Austin, TX. From this point, the Board's local office took
over the assigning of Social Security Numbers. 

1943 The Radio Corporation of America finalized the sale of
the NBC Blue radio network. Edward J. Noble paid $8 million
for the network that was renamed American Broadcasting

1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide
rather than face execution after being accused of
conspiring against Adolf Hitler and the execution that
would follow. 

1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute
Brigade liberated the city of Athens. 

1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot
Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the
first American to break the sound barrier. 

1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring
Charlton Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a
cast of 25,000 people. 

1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first
suggested the idea of a Peace Corps. 

1961 "How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying"
opened on Broadway. 

1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day
that U.S. intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered
Soviet medium-range missile sites in Cuba. On October 22
U.S. President John F. Kennedy announced that he had
ordered the naval "quarantine" of Cuba. 

1964 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel
Peace Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial
prejudice in America. He was the youngest person to receive
the award. 

1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S.
spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7. 

1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the
death of President Nasser. 

1972 In Iraq, oil was struck for the first time just north
of Kirkuk. 

1984 George ‘Sparky’ Anderson became the first baseball
manager to win 100 games and a World Series in both
leagues. (MLB) 

1986 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the
U.S. wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with
the arms race in space. 

1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned
well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours. 

2001 Toys "R" Us introduced the new version of Geoffrey the
giraffe in a 60-second commercial before WABC-TV aired 

2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and
Protestant politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed
sole responsibility for running Northern Ireland. 

2017  smiled.

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When is a credit card mail a scam? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
22-year-old woman shot dead by police 
after running down officer with car
Today, Oct 13 in
2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped
underground in San José Mine. The miners were 
rescued after 69 days underground. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum. --- Havelock Ellis (1859 - 1939) or FaceBook? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the regular kind?" _____________________________________________________ By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright- eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he brusquely asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by Cariann Hithon, 22, Miami, Florida 22-year-old woman shot dead by police after running down officer with car A 22-year-old woman who was shot and killed by police after crashing into an officer with her car was an aspiring lawyer, her father said. Cariann Hithon had been celebrating her birthday when she crashed her fancy black BMW into three vehicles in Miami. As a crowd gathered around her smashed car, Ms Hithon floored the accelerator and sped forwards, knocking a Florida police officer to the ground before another one quickly fired three shots at her before she could hit more people. Her car then swerved across the road and crashed. Ms Hithon was taken to a nearby hospital where she died of her wounds. In social media footage of the shooting, one bystander can be heard saying the driver was "drunk as sh**." The police officer she hit, David Cajuso, has been released from hospital and is recovering at home, the Miami Beach police department said. According to the Miami Herald, investigators believe Hithon and her friend, who got out of the car before she accelerated, had been drinking, however, the aggressive action of trying to kill the officer points more towards methamphetamine than alcohol. She had recently transferred from Hampton University in Virginia to Temple University in Philadelphia and was expected to graduate with a degree in political sciences. Hithon had an extensive criminal record including assault and drug charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Is it a scam ? Dear Webby, I have rcvd e-mail from a credit card company----may or may not be valid----would like to forward to you for your opinion....i would prefer to forward WITH PERMISSION. Am not concerned so much with critters imbedded or or more concerned 1)that it is bogus and 2)someone ELSE might fall into the trap----you have a tremendous following and could potentially help a buncha dolts and not just me........and no-----I am not just pandering to your ego----you are highly rated for a good reason..... Thanks in advance Sue Dear Sue When in doubt, trash it. There is always more spam and scam coming. If you forward it to me, most likely my MailWasher will recognize it as a scam and trash it anyway. With anything credit card related: If it tells you to stop by your local bank, then it's legit. If it asks for ANY input whatsoever, it's a scam. Feel free to enter the name and email address of your favorite politician, but never enter anything related to you, especially not bank account or PIN numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby

A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: "Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" The voice on the other end asked. "Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "No sir." "This is Major Johnson, your commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not yet!" "That's good! Bye, bye Fat-Ass!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Leaf Foxes By tiffanytallent1981 [97 Posts, 47 Comments] What does the fox say? If you decide to incorporate a winter animal theme into your classroom, foxes would fit perfectly. It seems that they tend to make more appearances during the colder months. It is probably because foxes do not hibernate and are looking for shelter to stay warm. One craft that is very easy to make is the leaf fox. You don't need many supplies and they turn out just adorable! If you want to read a book prior to making the craft, try The Winter Fox, by Timothy Knapman or Foxes in the Snow, by Jonathan Emmett. There are also numerous non-fiction books on every species of fox, if you want something educational. Total Time: 10 minutes Yield: 3 Supplies: 3 maple craft leaves (fox colors) 6 wiggle eyes 3 pipe cleaner pieces 2-3 inches long (black, brown, pink or gray) hot glue gun 1 hot glue stick 1 piece white cardstock 3 magnet strips (optional) Steps: If you don't want to make your foxes into magnets, glue them to the white card stock. Make sure the longest point is facing down. I found it looks better not to glue the leaves down flat. If you put glue in middle only, the sides stick up making the foxes pop! Hot glue two wiggle eyes on each leaf. Cut a pipe cleaner into 2-3 inch pieces. Roll each piece into an round ball and hot glue one to the tip of each leaf. If you want leaf fox magnets, cut the magnet strips in half. Place a line of glue on each one and add to the back of the leaves. Then you can display them on the fridge! Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Italian School Lunch
____________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our ....... with leaves." __________________________________________________
What a great idea! The town that eats together stays together
___________________________________________________ Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Officer: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! =========================================== A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Family leaving Church after services: Father; "That was the longest driest, least informative sermon I've ever heard." Mother; "The choir was terrible. I never heard some of those hymns before, and they were singing them off key." Little Tommy; "I don't know, all in all it wasn't a bad show. Three of us for a dollar." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 13, in 
1775 The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction
of a naval fleet. 

1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. The building became known as the White
House in 1818, when it was restored and whietwashed after
the Canucks had burned it in the war of 1812. 

1812 American forces were defeated at the Battle of
Queenstown Heights. The British victory effectively ended
any further U.S. invasion of Canada. 

1843 B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded by
Henry Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY. 

1854 The state of Texas ratified a state constitution. 

1943 During World War II, Italy switched sides to the
winning side and signed an armistice with the Allies and
declared war on Germany. 

1944 American troops entered Aachen, Germany, during World
War II. 

1944 During World War II, British and Greek advance units
landed at Piraeus. 

1951 In Atlanta, GA, a football with a rubber covering was
used for the first time. Georgia Tech beat Louisiana State

1953 An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel

1957 Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced the Ford
Edsel on an hour long special. 

1962 "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opened on Broadway. 

1981 Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak
as the new president one week after Anwar Sadat was

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an
overthrow of the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega. 

1992 A commercial flight record was set by an Air France
supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours and
one minute. 

1998 The National Basketball Association (NBA) canceled
regular season games, due to work stoppage, for first time
in its 51-year history. 

1999 The U.S. Senate rejected the ratification of the
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT). 

2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped
underground in San José Mine. The miners were rescued after
69 days underground. 

2017  smiled.

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Which email to use for travelling 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 12

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Amateur actress arrested for trying to 
push random woman off subway platform
Today, Oct 12 in
1492 Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted
Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had
found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean
route to India. The same day he claimed the land for
Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?" _____________________________________________________ The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mom had been teaching her 3-year-old daughter to recite the Lord's Prayer. The youngster dutifully repeated it after her mother at bed time for several nights. One night, the girl insisted she was ready to pray "solo," so her mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated every word. The mother was a bit exasperated and knew they needed to work on it some more as her daughter ended the prayer: "And lead us not into temptation," the youngster prayed, "but deliver us some email. Amen." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Keira Keeley, 35, New York, New York Amateur Actress arrested for trying to push random woman off subway platform A 35-year-old actress who has starred in off-Broadway shows and played bit parts on TV allegedly tried to push a fellow straphanger into the path of a subway train at Union Square over the weekend, law enforcement sources told The Post. Keira Keeley’s random target was 57-year-old Leonore Gonzalez of the Bronx, who was waiting on the 4, 5 and 6 train platform. Keeley allegedly walked up and shoved her from behind at 12:15 a.m. Saturday. Gonzalez grabbed a pillar and narrowly avoided falling from the platform onto the tracks, police sources said. A cop heard screaming on the platform, and was told by a witness that Keeley intentionally pushed her victim toward the tracks as a train was pulling in, according to the sources. Gonzalez explained to cops that she didn’t see Keeley move toward her, but felt a push and quickly grabbed a pillar so she wouldn’t fall in front of the northbound train, according to sources. She suffered a bruise on her right elbow and wrist, as well as back pain after the push, sources said. The actress was arrested at the station, and initially claimed she’d simply bumped into Gonzalez, with whom she’d had no prior interaction — and even tried to grab her before she fell. Keeley later told police she’d been out boozing with her boyfriend, Jeff, at the 12th Street Ale House in the East Village, where she threw back four glasses of wine before heading home to the Bronx, according to sources. She admitted feeling “wiggly” and buzzed while waiting in the subway station, but denied pushing Gonzalez, sources said. Keeley, who has no prior arrests, was charged with attempted assault with intent to injure with a weapon. Her bail was set at $7,500, which she posted Monday, records show. Police sources said the incident was not caught on camera, but cops were planning to interview the train operator. Keeley has performed in off-Broadway productions according to her website. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: What mail to use for travelling Dear Webby, What kind of mail program is best for travelling? I heard that some hotels won't let you use POP mail? Is that true? Dear Helen That depends entirely on your choice of hotels. Most hotels block the regular email port, (25), but you can sneak around that and get out via port 587 or 465. You can usually get out OK with web mail. If you don't have a domain and webmail, get a Gmail account. Very few hotels block Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby

A drunk is attracted by the food and stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am." The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I have not, reverend." The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Upcycled Light Bulb Terrarium This is a fun way to use a burnt out incandescent bulb that would otherwise be thrown out. Approximate Time: 30 minutes Supplies: 1 hollowed out incandescent bulb moss, dirt, pebbles, or any fun findings from outside a pencil or other long, narrow tool a screw string or thread Instructions: Start with an incandescent light bulb that has been previously hollowed out. There are some excellent tutorials online showing how to do this. Take the screw and start twisting it into the threads on one side of the bulb's aluminum cap to make a small hole. Twist it back out and make another hole across from the first on the opposite side. Fill the bulb carefully with your pebbles, then your dirt, and finally your moss and treasures. Use the pencil to move and push things so they are arranged to your liking. Using the holes you made in the cap of the bulb, thread your string through and tie it into a knot. By Shawna G. from Ann Arbor, MI Tip provided by She didn't list where you can learn how to hollow out a lightbulb, so I looked it up on Google. Here is one site that shows you how to do it: How to hollow out a lightbulb Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Italian School Lunch
____________________________________________________ Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS ! Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right!" __________________________________________________
The art of James Castle, created with spit, scraps and soot.
___________________________________________________ Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a trance state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher in Los Angeles asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." After the teacher asked the pupil what 'DC' stood for, the student added, "Dot com!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 12, in 
1492 - Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted
Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had
found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean route
to India. The same day he claimed the land for Isabella and
Ferdinand of Spain. 

1792 - The first monument honoring Christopher Columbus was
dedicated in Baltimore, MD. 

1810 - Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess
Therese of Saxony-Hildburghausen. The royalty invited the
public to attend the event which became an annual
celebration that later became known as Oktoberfest. 

1892 - In celebration of the 400th anniversary of the
Columbus landing the original version of the Pledge of
Allegiance was first recited in public schools. 

1895 - In Newport, RI, the first amateur golf tournament
was held. 

1915 - Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt criticized
U.S. citizens who identified themselves by dual

1920 - Construction of the Holland Tunnel began. It opened
on November 13, 1927. The tunnel links Jersey City, NJ and
New York City, NY. 

1933 - The U.S. Department of Justice acquired Alcatraz
Island from the U.S. Army. 

1937 - "Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons" debuted on radio.

1938 - Production began on "The Wizard of Oz." 

1942 - During World War II, Attorney General Francis Biddle
announced that Italian nationals in the United States would
no longer be considered enemy aliens. 

1945 - Private First Class Desmond T. Doss was presented
with the Congressional Medal of Honor for outstanding
bravery as a medical corpsman. He was the first
conscientious objector in American history to win the

1960 - Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev pounded a shoe on
his desk during a dispute at a U.N. General Assembly. 

1961 - The first video memoirs by a U.S. president were
made. Walter Cronkite interviewed Dwight D. Eisenhower. 

1964 - The Soviet Union launched Voskhod 1 into orbit
around the Earth. It was the first space flight to have a
multi-person crew and the first flight to be performed
without space suits. 

1972 - During the Vietnam War, a racial brawl broke out
aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. Nearly 50
sailors were injured. 

1976 - China announced that Hua Guo-feng was named to
succeed the late Mao Tse-tung as chairman of the Communist

1988 - Federal prosecutors announced that the Sundstrand
Corp. would pay $115 million dollars to settle with the
Pentagon for overbilling airplane parts over a five-year

1989 - The U.S. House of Representatives approved a
statutory federal ban on the destruction of the American

1993 - The play "Mixed Emotions" opened at the John Golden

1994 - Haitian military leader Raoul Cedras was granted
political asylum by Panama. 

1994 - The Magellan space probe ended its four-year mission
to Venus for the purpose of mapping. 

1997 - The St. Francis Basilica and 15th-century bell tower
above Foligno city hall in Italy were damaged by 3

1998 - The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Online
Copyright Bill. 

1999 - Rob Reiner received a star on the Hollywood Walk of

1999 - In Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf seized power in a
bloodless coup that toppled Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif.
The Supreme Court ruled that the coup was legal but
insisted that a civilian government be restored within
three years. 

2001 - A special episode of America's Most Wanted was aired
that focused on 22 wanted terrorists. The show was
specifically requested by U.S. President George W. Bush. 

2006 - The Dow Jones industrial average advanced over
11,900 for the first time. 

2015 - It was announced that Dell was buying EMC for around
$67 billion.

2017  smiled.

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Fast shut-down 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 11

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant faces child sex assault charges
Today, Oct 11 in
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished. --- Leslie Nielsen (1926 - ) Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. --- Jules Renard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times already!" _____________________________________________________ On their honeymoon, the pretty bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: My wife chewed me out at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???" "Not a bit," I replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edgar Mendoza, 28, Trenton, Pennsylvania Illegal immigrant facing child sex assault charges An undocumented immigrant accused of sexually assaulting a 6-year-old girl will remain locked up at the Mercer County Correction Center pending final resolution of his case. Edgar Mendoza, a 32-year-old citizen of Guatemala, consented to pretrial detention on Friday and told the judge he understood exactly what he was doing. Trenton Police Officer Gilbert Quinones arrested Mendoza on Sept. 19, charging him with counts of burglary, endangering the welfare of a child, sexual assault and aggravated sexual assault. Mendoza is accused of unlawfully entering a Bayard Street home, molesting the 6-year-old victim in her bed and jumping out the second-floor window after the child's father found Mendoza in bed with the victim. After Mendoza jumped out of the window about 1:30 a.m., the father called police and provided a description of the alleged pedophile. Detectives from the Trenton Police Street Crimes Unit later found Mendoza, and the child's parent positively identified him as the man who was in bed with his kid, police said, adding that detectives soon learned the victim had been sexually assaulted by Mendoza. Police recovered a cellphone outside of the home in the area where Mendoza jumped from the window. Police say the phone belonged to Mendoza. The assault victim was taken to the hospital for treatment. Officials said there were two adults and two children in the home at the time of the incident. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, also known as ICE, on Sept. 20 placed a detainer on Mendoza, according to court records. Trenton Police originally said Mendoza is 32, but court records indicated he is either 27 or 28 and listed his place of residence as 64 Washington St., which is located in Trenton's Chambersburg neighborhood not far from Bayard Street. Following delay upon delay and a switch of judges, Mendoza finally made his Superior Court appearance Friday afternoon at the Mercer County Criminal Courthouse. He was represented by public defender Malaeika Montgomery. We've had an opportunity to review the discovery provided by the state, Montgomery said at the hearing before Mercer County Superior Court Judge Peter Warshaw. We are stipulating to probable cause. We are also consenting to Mr. Mendoza's detention. Part of the discovery in the case includes a statement Mendoza gave to police. By consenting to detention, Mendoza declined to exercise his right to argue for release and agreed to be jailed without bail on pretrial detention. Warshaw signed the detention order consistent with Mendoza's wishes. The defendant was supposed to appear in court for a 9 a.m. Friday detention hearing before Superior Court Judge Ronald Susswein. It was not clear why the hearing was moved over to Warshaw's courtroom. Mercer County Assistant Prosecutor Sean McMurtry represented the state at the detention hearing but did not make any public statements about Mendoza's criminal charges or immigration status. Mendoza cannot be deported while he remains incarcerated on pretrial detention. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Automatic shut-down Dear Webby, is there a safe and fast computer shutdown or restart program that will shut down the computer when your not at it? tyvm for all the help Richi Dear Richi Why would you want to do that? You can play with the power options to shut down the hard drive and the monitor after a number of minutes of inactivity. There is no need to buy a fancy program for that. Don`t cut the time so short that everything shuts down if you pick your nose. Give yourself a few minutes. An alternative is to use a screen saver. Stuff all your prayer pictures into a directory that has guaranteed no pictures of old girlfriends, and set the screen saver slide show to use that directory. You can also make one screen size picture that proclaims: "Jesus is watching you!" or "The CIA is currently cataloging Richi`s hard drive. Do not touch the keyboard!" or anything you want. Then set the screen saver to require a password to go away. You can set the screen saver to come on after 1 minute of inactivity, and the hard drive and the monitor to shut down after 5 minutes. The CPU has no moving parts and never wears out. It uses almost no power when there is nothing going on. By the way, the lowest power consumption screen saver is Mystique. It loads into RAM and then does not touch the hard drive after that. It has been in Windows since version 3. Have FUN! DearWebby

A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he went up to the balding guy and asked him what he was doing. The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 lovey-dovey cards signed, 'Guess Who?'" "But why?" asked the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer." the man replied.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Sturdy Crayons When you get new crayons, wrap them with some masking tape. They will be less likely to break but still can be sharpened. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
John Lennon metamorphosis
____________________________________________________ From Cookie Open letter to President Trump Dear President Trump: I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Enrique Peña Nieto, that I'm on my way? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free medical care for my entire family. 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. All government forms need to be printed in English. 4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers. 5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down. 7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. 9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Enrique Peña Nieto to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws. 13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Enrique Peña Nieto won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with a previous V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help. Sincerely, Cookie __________________________________________________
These black and white tattoos look like photos!
___________________________________________________ A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.' This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age. A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. "Mayor, you have to do something about the roads and side- walks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen six times this week already!" ____________________________________________________ From Moll I have been copying your Tech Support Pits into a Notetab Pro text file for about 20 years. When I need some info, I use the CTRL F find in it, and it instantly shows what I need, if I was precise enough with my question. The file is getting quite huge, but for 2018 I am going to start a new one. Maybe I will print out the first one as a book! Thanks for all the help! Moll

Today, October 11, in 
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle
of Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict
Arnold suffered heavy losses. 

1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 

1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first
invention. The electric machine was used for counting votes
for the U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it. 

1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film
for cameras. 

1890 The Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in
Washington, DC. 

1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British
and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State. 

1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states. 

1932 In New York, the first telecast of a political campaign
was aired. 

1936 The radio show, "Professor Quiz", aired for the first

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter
from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S.
atomic program rapidly. 

1942 The Battle of Cape Esperance, during World War II,
began in the Solomons. 

1958 Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S. The
probe did not reach its destination and fell back to Earth
and burned up in the atmosphere. 

1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned
Apollo mission was the first in which live television
broadcasts were received from orbit. Wally Schirra, Don
Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham were the astronauts

1971 Hugh Downs left the "Today" show and "Concentration".
He later became the host of ABC's "20/20". 

1975 "Saturday Night Live" was broadcast for the first time.
George Carlin was the guest host. 

1975 Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham were married in
Fayetteville, AR. 

1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went out
of service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant Pond, ME,
were switched to direct-dial service. 

1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle

1984 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) made his debut in
the National Hockey League (NHL) against the Boston Bruins.
He scored a goal on his first shot on his first NHL shift. 

1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National

1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border.

1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay
rights measure in the state was unconstitutional. 

2017  smiled.

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Is Malwarebytes preferable over McAfee? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 10

Thank you, Francis!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
South Fla. moms who met in rehab overdose 
and pass out while their babies are in SUV
Today, Oct 10 in
1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion
of the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. --- James C. Dobson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is watching you!" The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus." _____________________________________________________ Lost Churches of Louisiana One of the local television stations in Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. The interviewer was from a Boston affiliate. She asked the Lousiana woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied: "I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's". The look on the interviewer's face was priceless!!! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the Husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it for a few seconds and then told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife's dead body home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just don't want to take that chance." ______________________________________________________ Poor dog! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fred Gray, Orlando, Florida South Fla. moms who met in rehab overdose and pass out while their babies are in SUV Two South Florida women overdosed on heroin in a sports utility vehicle with two infants in the back seat, authorities said. Parents arrested after baby nearly dies of heroin overdose Boynton Beach police said in a news release that Kristen Leigh O'Connor, 28, and June Schweinhart, 29, were taken to a hospital Thursday after officers found them passed out inside the SUV. The infants, ages 1 and 2 months, were properly strapped into their car seats, police said. O'Connor told investigators she picked up Schweinhart -- whom she had met in a drug treatment program -- and they bought $60 worth of heroin from her old drug dealer. The women snorted the drug and then overdosed. After treatment, they were booked into jail on child neglect charges, police said. The infants were turned over to family members. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Malwarebytes over McAfee? Dear Webby, Do you prefer Malwarebytes over McAfee? Happy Thanksgiving. Bill Dear Bill Yes, since Christmas 2016 I do prefer Malwarebytes. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Dave for this story: Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen such devastation. How anyone could have survived, he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Junior kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Junior! Junior!" he whispered to himself to keep himself steady. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Junior!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed. "And for heaven's sake, clean up your room!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning With Club Soda For new stains, club soda can be an effective spot removing for clothing and carpets. First blot the stain to soak up as much as possible. Then pour club soda directly on the stain, wait a 5 seconds and scrub the area with a damp sponge. For stains on carpet, if the stain has been successfully removed, put a towel on the top of the area with a book on top of it. This will soak up any moisture that remains in the carpet or the pad. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Mighty Mites forget they're in a game!
____________________________________________________ A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." __________________________________________________
The Fairy Tale Forests of Yakushima
___________________________________________________ Here is a real classic! There once was a Preacher that went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, there was a man in front of him. The man was a mess (t-shirt, long hair, and wearing flip flops). The man told St Peter his name and told him he was a New York taxi driver. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. The Preacher then walked up to St Peter gave his name. He told him he was a Preacher of such & such church. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a cotton robe with a wooden driftwood stick. The Preacher complained and said " Hey, the guy before me was a taxi driver and you gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. I'm a preacher of the word of God and all I got was this flimsy cotton robe and a wooden stick." St Peter said to the Preacher, "When you preached people slept, When he drove people prayed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Almost every week I get a mail with that fake North Pole sunset photo. That's a digital painting, probably for a cover for a Science Fiction paperback, or just for fun. There are no mountains and no open water anywhere near the North Pole, just the flattest and most boring ocean ice you can imagine. Mother Earth has a smooth, dull white bald spot on top. The nearest land is about 250 Miles South and the nearest mountains are about 550 Miles South, and the nearest open water is wherever a submarine poked a hole into the ocean ice to let the guys out for a smoke. That picture is a purely digital creation, done maqny years ago by Inga Nielsen, a student in Germany, probably done with TerraGen, a terrain generating software for landscapers, or some similar software. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Dear Webby, Thanks for the daily wit and wisdom. Makes a great start to my day. Trevor, Chronologically Endowed (and intent on remaining that way!)

Today, October 10, in 
1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis,

1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt. 

1886 The tuxedo dinner jacket made its U.S. debut in New
York City. 

1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company. 

1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by
revolutionaries under Sun Yat-sen. 

1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion
of the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama

1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale. 

1938 Nazi Germany completed its annexation of
Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland. 

1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as the
president of China. 

1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower apologized to Komla
Agbeli Gbdemah, the finance minister of Ghana, after the
official had been refused service in a Dover, DE,

1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of
the first global airline service. 

1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people. 

1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the
"Peanuts" comic strip. 

1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a century of
British rule. 

1977 Joe Namath played the last game of his National
Football League (NFL) career. 

1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean.
He set the record at 54 days and 18 hours. 

1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in
reaction to a military coup that forced President Jean-
Claude Aristide into exile. 

1994 Lt. Gen. Raoul Cedras resigned as Haiti's commander-in-
chief of the army and pledged to leave the country. 

1994 Iraq announced it was withdrawing its forces from the
Kuwaiti border. No signs of a pullback were observed. 

1995 Gary Kasparov won a chess championship against
Viswanathan Anand that had lasted about a month. 

1997 The Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, opened to the
public. Architect Frank Gehry designed the 450 ft. long and
98 ft. wide building. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush presented a list of 22
most wanted terrorists. 

2003 Rush Limbaugh announced that he was addicted to
painkillers and that he was going to check into a rehab

2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public. 

2017  smiled.

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