Dear Webby: 2006 Darwin Award Roundup 

Good morning,   !
Sunday,  December 31, 2006
======================================

The darkest day of any man's life is when he sits down to
plan how to get money without earning it." -- Horace Greeley

=======================================

LAST DAY!
If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! Tomorrow it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
****  December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space
        will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the
        Darwin Awards today
===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 is the Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to these former people: January 9, 2006 - DOWNEY, Calif. - AP Southern California officials said an elderly man's attempt to get revenge on his neighbors ended with his own death. Police in Downey said the man in his 80s tried to set fire to two neighbors' homes with homemade bombs. Police took a call about a blast early Sunday and found the man in the street holding two handguns. One of his arms was on fire. Police told him to drop the guns, but he fled into his house. Officials say smoke and flames quickly came from the home, followed by several explosions. A police sergeant says fire apparently set off ammunition in the house. Investigators say the man had a long feud with neighbors about parking on the cul-de-sac. One of the targeted neighbors said the man "hated everybody." ======================================== January 10, 2006 - RANCHO CUCAMONGA, Calif. - AP An intoxicated man who was shot to death last week in an apartment mistook a neighbor's unit for his own and broke in when his key wouldn't work, authorities said. Hector Soto, 21, had recently moved to the apartment complex and had been out celebrating his upcoming graduation from a trade school, his stepfather, Robert Ward, said Monday. Soto was "fairly well intoxicated" when his friends drove him home early Friday, said San Bernardino County Sheriff's Sgt. Tom Bradford. All the buildings in the complex look the same, he said. Soto got into the wrong apartment through an open front window and headed to the bathroom, where he encountered the resident, a 65-year-old state prison counselor, authorities said. They scuffled and the resident, thinking Soto was an intruder, shot him once. The shooter will not be charged, Bradford said. ======================================== February 13, 2006 - FORT COLLINS, Colo. - AP A man who went missing for several days, prompting a massive search in Buckhorn Canyon, died when a shotgun accidentally fired as he crossed a downed tree, the Larimer County coroner's office has determined. The body of Bart Strain, 30, a married father of one, was found Thursday in a heavily forested area near Donner Trail. He was last seen on Jan. 31. An autopsy determined that Strain died from a contact gunshot wound to the chest. ======================================== March 1, 2006 - NORMAN, Okla. - AP A University of Oklahoma student from Colorado who blew himself up outside a packed Gaylord Family/Oklahoma Memorial Stadium probably didn't commit suicide, a Norman police bomb expert said. "I believe he accidentally blew himself up," Sgt. George Mauldin said Tuesday of Joel Henry Hinrichs III, a 21-year old engineering student who died in the explosion Oct. 1. Hinrichs, of Colorado Springs, Colo., had two to three pounds of triacetone triperoxide, or TATP, in a backpack on his lap when it exploded about 173 yards from the stadium during the second quarter of the Oklahoma-Kansas State football game, Mauldin said. "Someone saw him fiddling with it (the backpack) shortly before the explosion occurred. I think he got cocky, and it went off," Mauldin said. Mauldin, head of the Norman bomb unit, said investigators detonated at the scene the remains of Hinrichs' backpack, which contained wires, a battery and a circuit board. Photos showed that Hinrichs was decapitated and his headless body was still upright on the park bench next to the backpack. Investigators also found more TATP, components to make the substance, a fuse and live military rounds at Hinrichs' off-campus apartment. "We found evidence of him compressing TATP, which is foolhardy, given its properties," the officer said. Making TATP is a seven-step process, with the substance becoming explosive after three steps, he said. ======================================== March 27, 2006 - AHMEDABAD, India - Reuters A jobless alcoholic burned himself to death after his wife refused to serve him meat for dinner, Indian police said Sunday. Sixty-year-old Mithailal Ram Sanjivan doused his body with a flammable liquid and set himself ablaze outside his one-room house in Ahmedabad, the main city of western Gujarat state. Police said the victim, who had been without a job for years, and his wife, Geeta Sanjivan, 54, had a scuffle over the dinner menu. The wife refused to cook meat as they could not afford it. Irritated by this, Sanjivan locked her in the house before setting himself on fire outside. May 1, 2006 - NEW YORK - AP A 76-year-old woman who drove to a cemetery to visit her husband's grave has been killed by her own car. The woman inadvertently left the car running and in gear when she stopped at the Maple Grove Cemetery in Queens Sunday afternoon, police said. She was about 50 feet from her husband's grave when the car mowed her down. She died at the scene. ======================================== May 28, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman Two members of a stag party from Scotland drowned yesterday when they were swept away while taking souvenir photographs on Blackpool seafront. Barry Bryce, 23, and 33-year-old Scott Hunter, both from West Lothian, were part of a 20-strong group staying at the resort. Police said that the men had gone down to the waterfront at about 9.45am and had undressed before heading for the water with the intention of going swimming. One climbed over a chain guard on the sea wall and posed for a picture on steps leading down to the water's edge. Seconds later he was hit by a wave which swept him into the sea. His friend dived in to save him but also became trapped by the steep, curving sea wall, which is 30ft high and difficult to climb. Emergency crews were alerted by dozens of 999 calls from people seeing the pair in trouble in the water near Blackpool Tower. The men were pulled from the water by a lifeboat crew, but were pronounced dead half an hour later at Blackpool Victoria Hospital. ======================================== June 7, 2006 - Grand Rapids, MI - Deeli A Jenison man died after his mini-van hit a guard rail on I-196 Sunday at 2:20 am. Ronald 'Sushi' Hammink, 32, hit the guard rail and was thrown from his van onto the highway where he was hit by another vehicle. He had been out partying with the boys, was driving while drunk, and did not have his seatbelt on. Apparently he had not learned a lesson from a similar death of another of his friends which occurred eight years ago. Sushi leaves behind a wife and two small children. ======================================== June 19, 2006 - YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. - AP A woman lost her footing after stepping over a retaining wall to take a photograph and went over a cliff, falling 500 feet to her death in a canyon, park officials said. Deborah Chamberlin, 52, of Rockford, Mich., was visiting the park with her husband and two children, park spokesman Al Nash said Sunday. She was vice president of the school board in her west Michigan community, The Grand Rapids, Michigan Press reported in its Sunday edition. Her husband flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911 after the Saturday morning accident at an overlook along the Yellowstone River, park officials said. A ranger rappelled down the canyon wall to reach the woman, but she was dead at the scene. ======================================== August 10, 2006 - Hudson, Colo. - The Denver Channel A mother and child were killed crossing a train track in Hudson Wednesday night. The accident happened just after 11:30 p.m. near Highway 52. Adams County deputies said the victims were a 26-year-old woman and a 2-year-old child. Their identities have not been released but they were believed to be Hudson residents. Investigators believe the mother was trying to beat the Amtrak train by running across the track while carrying her child. "The train personnel looked and couldn't find anything, then fire (fire department) got on scene and found body parts," said Margie Martinez, Weld County undersheriff. The train was headed from California to Chicago and was delayed for several hours while police investigated the deaths. ======================================== September 14, 2006 - Vietnam - The Scotsman A Vietnamese man who once appeared on national television to demonstrate his ability to resist electric shocks has been electrocuted while repairing a generator. Nguyen Van Hung was killed in Tay Ninh province near the Cambodian border while repairing the generator without first cutting the power supply, a local official said. ======================================== December 17, 2006 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP A 13-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around its owner's neck and killed the man in his home, authorities said. An acquaintance found Ted Dres, 48, inside the snake's cage Saturday and called police, the Hamilton County Sheriff's office said. The snake was still strangling Dres when deputies arrived, and the officers had to work with members of an animal protection group to remove the reptile, the sheriff's office said. Dres' snake will be kept at an animal shelter awaiting instructions from police or Dres' family, said Andy Mahlman, spokesman for the Cincinnati Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. ======================================== If you have information about any other 2006 boneheads who earned a Darwin award, please send them to me. The information has to be real, and verifyable, not just a forward of 1994 Darwin Awards with the date changed. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
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=========================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today =========================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Loretta Re: Getting rid of old download files Dear Webby: I believe I read somewhere that after updates to programs had been received and installed, then those updates could be deleted and one would have more space on the computer. Is that true, and if so, how do I do it? Loretta Dear Loretta If you are reasonably disciplined and always download updates into a download directory, for example C:\downloads, then it is easy. Then you just clean out that folder. However, if you don't pay attention and just download them to anywhere, then it becomes almost impossible. Usually, the downloads don't amount to very much, since they are zipped up or compressed in some fashion. If you are so cramped for space that deleting the download files would make a significant difference, then you are way overdue for a bigger hard drive. You can hunt down ".zip" files and delete those. CrapCleaner also makes extra space for you. You can download CrapCleaner from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 21, 2006 - Hamilton, Ontario - Reuters A video posted on the ultra-popular Web site YouTube has helped Canadian police find a man they believe responsible for a murder. Police in the Southern Ontario city of Hamilton said Thursday that they uploaded a one-minute, 12-second clip from a surveillance tape onto the video-sharing YouTube site. The video, which showed suspects arriving at a local nightclub for a Sean Price hip-hop concert, garnered media attention and was viewed more than 30,000 times. "This is the first time Hamilton police have utilized video web posting in an investigation, and to the best of its knowledge, the first time that law enforcement has ever used it as a direct investigative tool," Staff Sgt. Jorge Lasso told a news conference. George Gallow, 24, of Hamilton, who is seen in the clip wearing a baseball cap with the word "JOKER" on the front, turned himself into police Tuesday and has been charged with second degree murder and attempted murder. Gallow is accused of stabbing Ryan Milner, 22, and his friend, whom police did not name, in a parking lot after the November concert. Police said Milner died shortly after being stabbed in the chest. His friend is still recovering. "(There is) little doubt that the extra media generated by the use of YouTube contributed to the fact that this man turned himself in," Lasso said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Coconut Meat After cracking a coconut open and draining the liquid, bake the two halves in a 400 degree F oven for 25-30 minutes. The fresh coconut meat will come out very easily with a little help from a soup spoon. And your kitchen will have a tropical scent! By Annette
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
**** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ston, Croatia... Birthplace of Marco Polo http://tinyurl.com/sqstl Another site about Ston: Ston
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Pipe Dream 

Good morning,   !
Saturday,  December 30, 2006
======================================

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
--- Mark Twain

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Chris for this story:
My wife and her friend were talking about their
labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener."
"I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the
horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out
and open the garage....!

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Claude King, 31, of Boca Raton, Florida Lost Carjacker December 28, 2006 - Boca Raton, Florida - IBS Police said a man who carjacked an SUV in Boca Raton drove all the way to Palm Springs before becoming lost and calling 911 on himself. According to police reports, Claude King, 31, approached Caroline Funkey's black GMC Envoy while it was stopped at a red light in Boca Raton. The report said King smashed the driver's side window and pulled the driver out of the vehicle. Once inside, police said King began to punch the other four passengers. One of Funkey's friends, Kellina Beach, 18, struck her head on the pavement as she fell from the SUV and had to receive stitches at Boca Raton Community Hospital, police said. According to the report, once King got the passengers out of the SUV, he began to drive wildly around the area, finally heading southbound down Interstate 95. Police said that, while heading southbound, King struck a white Chevrolet pickup and decided to turn around and head north. According to the report, he then struck another vehicle along the way and decided to pull over in Palm Springs. A few minutes after the alleged carjacking, police said they received a 911 call from a pay phone in Palm Springs. It was King. "Um, I committed a crime," King allegedly told the dispatcher. "I stole a vehicle." When the dispatcher asked for his name, King allegedy said, "I'd rather do this: Could you just send the police over here?" The dispatcher then asked where the stolen car was located, to which King replied, "I couldn't even tell you. I don't even know where I'm at." Palm Springs police Officer Lt. Mark Hall said they found King sitting on the curb near the stolen SUV. According to the police report, Boca Raton police arrested King and took him to the hospital for a swollen right hand. King was then booked into the Palm Beach County Jail, where he was being held without bail. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Western sky as seen from my office yesterday, 12/29/06 If you want the big version, let me know. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! =========================================== A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Where to return Norton Dear Webby: How can I find a phsical address to return this junky norton anti virus? I appreciate your help in this. Carole Dear Carole They would probably lock me up for conspiracy to murder if I told you. However, I really don't know. You can check their site at http://symantec.com/feedback/contactus.jsp By the way, in case you need the Norton removal tool, it's in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 20, 2006 - Birmingham, Alabama - AP The scales of ''American Idol'' may have tipped in Ruben Studdard's favor in 2003, but there are other scales he would like to tip a bit less. After shedding almost 100 pounds, the Birmingham native and ''American Idol'' winner says he wants to help other residents of Alabama to lose weight. He's asking the 25 percent of the state's residents who are obese to lose 10 pounds in eight weeks — a total of 10 million pounds. Since committing to a weight-loss program this summer, Studdard has lost nearly 100 pounds, started eating healthier and begun exercising, according to a news release announcing the program. ''I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on the right track, and I'm excited about encouraging other Alabamians to begin their own weight-loss journeys,'' said the 28-year-old singer, whose third album, ''The Return,'' was released in October by J Records. Scale Back Alabama, an eight-week weight-loss campaign, kicks off Jan. 4 with an event featuring Studdard. The campaign is being jointly sponsored by Alabama's hospitals, the Alabama Department of Public Health and Barber Dairies.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funny ad videos http://veryfunnyads.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Pipe Dream There will be a minute of ads first, just like with TV. THEN the movie will start. By the way, that music machine was NOT built from John Deere parts! Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Family Tree Program 


Good morning,   !
Friday,  December 29, 2006
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?
--- Cicero

Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the
absolute rejection of authority.
--- Thomas H. Huxley

The impossible has a kind of integrity which the
merely improbable lacks.
--- Douglas Adams

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,
and then goes back and says to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't
make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do
about it now. That's the policy of this bank!"

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave
me twenty dollars too much. Bye. "

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Miyoko Kawahara, 59, in Heguri, Nara Prefecture, Japan Woman gets 20-months for loud music Tue Dec 26, 4:23 PM ET TOKYO - A Japanese woman charged with inflicting injury on her neighbor by blasting rock music at her house for more than two years was given a 20-month prison term Tuesday, a court official said. Miyoko Kawahara, 59, was sentenced by the Osaka High Court, revoking an initial ruling that had given her a one-year prison term, court spokesman Takanao Kawasaki said. Kawahara in Heguri, Nara Prefecture (state) in western Japan, was accused of causing insomnia and headaches to her next-door neighbor by playing loud dance music almost 24 hours a day on a portable stereo she had pointed at her neighbor's house, 20 feet away. She was arrested on April 11, 2005. The two women had had a number of disagreements that police did not elaborate on. "The defendant ignored calls by local authorities and continuously played music at a high volume for some 29 months," Kyodo News agency quoted presiding Judge Hiroshi Furukawa as telling the court. In handing down a longer prison term than a local court ruling in April, this year, Furukawa told the court that the defendant "still maintains a hostile attitude toward the victim and it is highly likely she will commit the crime again," Kyodo said. Doctors had diagnosed the neighbor as having insomnia and headaches they attributed to the noise. Kawahara started blasting the music in November 2002 and continued until her arrest. Under Japanese law, those convicted of inflicting injury on another person face up to 10 years in prison and a fine of up to 300,000 yen ($2,520). ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Kids dressed up as Santas in India ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Accident Report Form I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.... I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone.... Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.... The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked.... I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs.... I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred =========================================== Safety officials in America who evacuated a school because of a disgusting smell have found its cause - a rotting packed lunch. A hazardous materials unit was sent to the secondary school in Berkeley, New Jersey to investigate the smell. They found the rotting lunch behind a row of lockers. Two teachers and a student were admitted to hospital complaining of breathing problems ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Here are the suggestions that came in: I've used Family Tree Maker http://www.familytreemaker.com/ for years and it's done a good job. The newest version, # 16 runs about $40 up to $70 when bundled with other software. I think mine is version 5 or 6 and I've seen no need to upgrade. Would imagine there are oodles of older versions available on Amazon. First though, for Maggie, or anyone else just starting out or an old hand, take a look at this site: Cyndi's List of Genealogy Sites on the Internet http://www.cyndislist.com/ Martin ---------------------------- My mom has used PAF (Personal Ancestral File) for years and years. It's free from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe they specialize in ancestry and have volumes upon volumes of ancestery information also. Their website is: http://www.familysearch.org/ Noella --------------------------- Here is agood source for a Family Tree maker... Bill R: http://snipurl.com/15yya http://store.worldstart.com/product.php ... amp;page=1 ---------------------------- I use Broderbund Deluxe 10 CD Set Find it easy to use and lots of good information: Roland I located that on Amazon: Amazon --------------------------- This is what I have, also you can go to www.familysearch.org/ and do a search There is pedigree charts that can be used there also. You would be surprised what you can find on that site regarding your family history, even though my family is not of the Mormon faith Jackie --------------------------- Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 20, 2006 - Sandusky, Ohio - AP Cedar Point Amusement Park roller coasters and rides shake a lot of loose change from its visitors' pockets during the summer. Now, the park is giving all of it to charity -- to the tune of $7,500. The amusement park on the shores of Lake Erie will donate the money to Victory Temple Soup Kitchen here from its loose change fund, officials said. Cedar Point employees collect and turn in any loose change found underneath rides, on the midway or in the park's fountains. The park has donated more than $170,000 to local organizations since 1988.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fish Odors After frying fish or something that leaves a lingering odor in the house, put out several bowls with about a 1/2 cup white vinegar. This works well particularly in the kitchen, for several hours or overnight. The odor will disappear. By Pam
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Slobodian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Slobodian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Kowalski's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid a few times." "That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?" "No," the Slobodian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== A Girl Guide troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a couple was engaged in an activity that had their heads pointing in different dirctions. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dogsled.com's 2007 Alaska Getaway Giveaway http://www.dogsled.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Tree Maker 

Good morning,   !
Thursday,  December 28, 2006

======================================

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits
with my net income.
--- Errol Flynn

If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.
— Napoleon Hill

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came
upon an intersection with a stoplight.  The light showed red, but
the driver went right through the red light.  The passenger
screamed at the driver, "What are you doing?  You're going to
get us killed!"

The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this."

Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red.  The
driver sped right through the light.  Again the passenger looked
at the driver and said, "I  thought I told you, you're gonna get
us killed!  Would you please stop this nonsense!"

The driver said, "All right!  I get it, but I told you my mother
drives like this all the time."

They came to another intersection, but this time the light was
green.  The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car
completely.  The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now?
This is the third time you almost got us killed.  Why did you
stop at a green light?"

The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked him, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." Then the judge said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 911 callers (999 in England) December 26, 2006 - Most Assuredly Worldwide - Ananova A woman in a nightclub phoned for an ambulance after breaking a fingernail. Another woman dialed 999 saying a mouse had swallowed her medicine. Other calls included a man who needed someone to change the television channel, a man who had a dream he was unconscious and had collapsed and a caller who wanted a can of pop out of the fridge. They were among thousands of timewasters revealed to have blocked 999 lines. The North East Ambulance Service also highlighted the growing number of revellers who call an ambulance to save queuing for taxis. They fake injury then wrongly assume ambulance staff will take them home after treatment. "One was from a woman who said her boyfriend was drunk and she needed help to get him upstairs to bed. Another was from someone who wanted us to deliver a takeaway to them." Last year demand rose by 15% from November to December. Control room manager Graham Robinson said: "At this time of year, our demand increases dramatically. We urge members of the public not to call 999 unnecessarily." ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Learn to fly here Learn to land there <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from talking for two hours." =========================================== "Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?" "Not by anyone I know of." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" If any of you have a program that you can recommend to Maggie for enumerating who climebed the tree whith whom, and who descended it, please send me the info and I'll list it here. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Christmas spirit sees off robbers A GERMAN taxi driver who shouted: "Oh, for Christ's sake, it's Christmas Eve!" when a teenage robber put a gun to his head, scared the thief away. An 18-year-old and his 16-year-old accomplice were later arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Returning Items After Christmas Some stores after Christmas return policies have gotten stricter in recent years especially for people trying to return gifts without a receipt. Be sure to call ahead to find out the store's return policies to avoid waiting in long lines for nothing.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Being a husband is like any other job . . . It helps a lot if you like the boss. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?" Lil' Mary replied "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse." "Thats very nice," said the teacher, "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!" "Thats very nice," said the teacher , "Johnny, what do your parents do?" He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Fifteen minutes later, he returned. "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me an apple and asked for my address and phone number."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Linkable Midis http://norbert26.com/midi_1/index.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Likker Screen Saver 

Good morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 27, 2006

======================================

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues,
but the parent of all others.
--- Cicero

Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing
harmful can enter except by your promotion.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on
their first morning in Ski Camp. He was surprised to see
one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked,
"Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"

The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother....?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== HER SIDE OF THE STORY He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant, because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else??? HIS SIDE OF THE STORY My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to grinches December 24, 2006 - New York - AP There's nobody nice on this Christmas list: snowman stabbers, Grinch snatchers, wreath-robbing weasels. 'Tis the season for strange crimes by even stranger people, with police blotters expanding faster than a 6-year-old's wish list of gifts. David Allen Rodgers, 42, was arrested Dec. 3 for driving while intoxicated at the wheel of a float during the annual Christmas parade in Anderson, S.C. According to witnesses, Rodgers sped down Main Street in the Steppin' Out Dance Studio float with 19 people aboard, ran a red light and led police on a 3-mile chase. In Chicago, 32 plastic baby Jesus dolls were stolen from nativity scenes set up in people's front yards. The kidnappers then lined up all the dolls along the fence outside a Chicago woman's home; she rounded them up and turned them over to her parish priest. Similar creche crimes occurred in 35 cities from Fayateville, N.C., to Mission Viejo, Calif., according to The Catholic League, which tracks nativity vandalism. In Houghton, Mich., somebody stole an inflatable Grinch from outside an apartment complex. That was just one instance in the area's rash of seasonal thievery: Two brown plastic reindeer, a baby Jesus statue and several wreaths were also stolen. In Ohio's Hamilton County, a pair of 18-year-olds were arrested for using screwdrivers to stab an inflatable 12-foot-tall Frosty the Snowman. "Why me?" asked Frosty's owner, Matt Williquette. "And why Frosty?" The snowman had survived two previous stabbing attacks. Two other local teens were arrested in an unrelated incident where they allegedly smashed a car with a large decorative candy cane, causing $1,000 worth of damage. An Oklahoma woman was arrested after she visited the Delaware County Jail with a Christmas card for her incarcerated boyfriend. Police said the card held marijuana, leading to Dawn Smith's arrest. A real-life Grinch in Yonkers, N.Y., made off with $14,000 in staff bonuses and money from the office safe during a Christmas party, police said. Daniel Rios, 38, spent $7,500 in cash but returned about $6,500 in checks, authorities said. And then there's the case of the Santa Claus kidnapping. A motorcycle-riding Santa Claus with a stuffed Rudolph in his sidecar was arrested after allegedly grabbing an 8-year old girl from outside a South Carolina convenience store. John Michael Barton, 55, was in his Claus outfit filling his bike with gas when the girl's family stopped by the store. The girl's father then saw Barton speeding off with her. After a chase at speeds of up to 80 mph, Barton pulled over his motorcycle and turned over the girl, police said. Barton was arrested later in a nearby bar. ----------------------------- Usually little ol' Australia seems to match or beat the mighty US when it comes to wacky crimes and pranks. However, they have been very quiet lately. So it seems that these wacky crimes are not really Christmas related, but more due to the short daylight hours and are just Season's Greetings. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute." =========================================== Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road, when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," claims Little Red Riding Hood. Again, the surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the path, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost? I'm just trying to go to the bathroom!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Likker Screen Saver Dear Webby: My computer crashed again and Son-in-law ( David) took it home..... Christmas eve he and daughter Roberta gave me a new one...he was tired of trying to fix the (4years) old one. I hope this one will last until I get Eudora and DSL when we get moved to AR. in the Spring. Do me another favor, pretty please with sugar on it?? resend me "Likker" the kitty screensaver. It is missing from my folders along with all my Webshot pictures. David at least didn't delete my pictures from Family Tree Maker. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, just that I like what I save. I just saved your tree and the ornament you attached with it. lol Hugs, great granny Vi Dear Vi You can download likker.exe from http://webby.com/humor/likker.exe As for your webshot and other pictures, ask him to 1) Make a new folder in C:\ and label it JPG 2) Do a search for *.JPG and move all the JPG's that the computer finds into that new JPG folder. 3) Burn that folder onto one or more CD's. It's fast and easy, and can even be done from safe mode. They won't be sorted the way you had them, but all your JPG pictures will be on that CD. Then the same can be done for GIF, PPS, mwv, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Michael Warren had a lot of lose. The 20-year-old Wintersville resident who once tipped the scales at more than 300 pounds lost 125 pounds in 18 months to pursue a career in law enforcement. He was sworn in as a deputy sheriff in Ohio County on Monday, two days after he married his high-school sweetheart of six and a half years. "I got a wedding ring and a badge, and I closed on a house in one weekend," Warren said. Before embarking on his journey to better fitness, Warren said, he couldn't do one push up and didn't have the endurance to run very far. Now he can do 30 push-ups and runs nearly every day, managing to clock 1.5 miles in under 16 minutes. He said his new wife Theresa, was the "angel on my shoulder" who helped him curb his urge to splurge. "I'm sure she whacked my hands a few times," he said Tuesday. With his wife's help, Warren said he limited his daily intake to no more than 30 grams of fat a day and worked up to running a mile or two every day, lifting weights and doing bench presses. Warren, a self-professed band geek, was studying music education at Cleveland State University when he decided to pursue a career in law enforcement. He transferred to the Weirton campus of West Virginia Northern Community College to study criminal justice before taking an internship with the Steubenville Police Department. Jim Tully, a criminal justice professor, said Warren excelled in the classroom. "He set the standard in every course," Tully said. "In class, he demonstrates leadership." Warren's wife said she is proud of her husband. "He didn't think he had the confidence, but he showed what can be done if you really want to do something," she said. Warren said he is in a job surrounded by people who are committed to fitness. There's no way he would ever slip back to the days when he ate just "to pass time," he said. "I'm happy to be where I am now."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save on Wrapping Paper The best time to buy cheap wrapping is just after Christmas. If you buy plain colors or less seasonal patterns the wrapping paper can be used year round for other gifts.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Morris sent his wife a message that he'd be home a day earlier than planned. Arriving at the house, he discovered his wife Sherry in bed with another man. Bitterly, Morris stormed out of the house, checked into a hotel, and planned a divorce action. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law. She believed that there was no doubt a good explanation for her daughter's behavior. Morris told her to buzz off. The next day his mother-in-law called again. "Didn't I tell you?" she said. "Didn't I tell you there was a simple explanation? I just got through talking to Sherry your wife....... She never got your telegram! You should have used email! It's all YOUR fault!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree, and the pastor greets the family. "Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did," he says. "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening," the pastor replies. "Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cookie Jar Collection http://cookiejarcollection.com/slideshow.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What's a Clickbook ? 

Merry Christmas,   !
Tuesday,  December 26, 2006
Traditionally St Walmart's day, and recently also
Kwaanza, at least for politically correct Afro-Americans
in the USA, who want to extend the gift buying season
by a week beyond the Christmas Specials.
Happy Kwaanza!

======================================

Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still,
in nine cases out of ten
someone will intercept it before it reaches you.
--- Calvin Coolidge

So many of our dreams at first seem impossible,
then they seem improbable, and then when we summon
the will, they soon become inevitable."
--- Christopher Reeve

Things could be worse. I could be one of my creditors.
---Henny Youngman

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Two caterpillars are sitting on a leaf when a butterfly
zooms by, startling them.

One turns to the other and says, "Boy, you'll never get ME
up in one of those things."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Barry Cooper, of Tyler, Texas December 22, 2006 - Tyler, Texas - AP A one-time Texas drug agent described by his former boss as perhaps the best narcotics officer in the country plans to market a how-to video on concealing drugs and fooling police. Barry Cooper, who has worked for small police departments in East Texas, plans to launch a Web site next week where he will sell his video, "Never Get Busted Again," the Tyler Morning Telegraph reported in its online edition Thursday. A promotional video says Cooper will show viewers how to "conceal their stash," "avoid narcotics profiling" and "fool canines every time." Cooper, who said he favors the legalization of marijuana, made the video in part because he believes the nation's fight against drugs is a waste of resources. Cooper said his Web site should be operating by Tuesday. As a drug officer, Cooper said, he made more than 800 drug arrests and seized more than 50 vehicles and $500,000 in cash and assets. "He was even better than he says he was," said Tom Finley, Cooper's former boss on a West Texas drug task force and now a private investigator in Midland. "He was probably the best narcotics officer in the state and maybe the country during his time with the task force." News of the video has angered authorities, including Richard Sanders, an agent with the Tyler Drug Enforcement Agency. Sanders said he plans to investigate whether the video violates any laws. Smith County Deputy Constable Mark Waters, a narcotics officer, said the video is insulting to law enforcement officials. "This is a slap in the face to all that we do to uphold the laws and keep the public safe," he said. ------------------------------------------------- Double Bonehead: 1) Guess which places the cops are going to check first, once the video is out? 2) Telling th 800 or so people that he busted, exactly where his office is, might not be such a smart idea, especially considering that he probably won't get very enthusiastic help from the current cops. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== hanks to my dad for sending this picture. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A state trooper notices a car weaving in the road, and when he pulls it over a beautiful woman gets out. She is clearly under the influence, but just to make sure he gives her the breathalyzer test. Sure enough, she's over the limit, so the trooper says, "Madam, you've had a couple of stiff ones. "Oh," says the lady, "it shows that too?" =========================================== Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 10 year old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill farmer Re: ClickBook Dear Webby: I might buy one if I knew what a clickbook is - any help? Bill Dear Bill ClickBook is printer software. Once you install it, you can print stuff in about 170 different formats,from day-planners to posters. You just hit PRINT and then select for example "Folded Paperback". It then re-formats whatever you plan to print, runs all the front sides, then tells you to drop the printed stack down into the input tray again, and prints the back sides. When done, you just fold it, and you have a paperback book size booklet, all correctly collated and ready for stapling. That way you have smaller, easier to read pages, and save 75% on paper and on ink. You don't have to worry about what page goes onto the back side of page 1 or beside page 15. It does all that for you. All you do is select the format. I use it for all e-books. Instead of a stack of loose papers, I have nice, paperback size booklets that are easy to stand on the shelf like any other books, and are of course a LOT more manageable for reading on a plane or in a car. I also print out warranties and manuals the same way. "Folded Paperback" is just one out of about 170 different formats that you can choose from. It's not just e-books that you can print, but EVERYTHING. ClickBook doesn't care if the stuff to be printed originated in email, a spreadsheet, word processor, web page, paint program, whatever. It just intercepts the print jobs and formats them the way you want them. And when you want to print normal, full size, you simply select the normal printer. CTRL P brings up the Print dialog, and you hit OK to print with your default printer or select ClickBook. In that dialog box it appears as if it was a different printer. If you choose it, you get to choose the format, and then you hit OK. Probably sounds complicated the way I describe it, but it's actually quite simple and straightforward. You can order it from the link in the side menu, where I have had it amongst the essentials for ages, or with this shortcut: ClickBook http://webby.com/clickbook Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 17, 2006 - Sussex, UK -BBC News A 91-year-old man from East Sussex has become the oldest person in Britain to go paragliding, according to his son. Reg Rose-Innes, from Beddingham, flew above Devil's Dyke in Sussex for a 20-minute flight at 800ft (243m). He said after the tandem flight: "It was marvellous being up in the air. It was a gorgeous view and lovely day." Mr Rose-Innes' son, Crispin, 57, said: "We thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for my father to have a go before he bites the bullet." The 91-year-old added that his son, Crispin, "pushed me into it." Crispin Rose-Innes, who has been paragliding with his wife for seven years, said his father was "most definitely the oldest person in Britain to have ever flown in a paraglider". Pilot Owen Latham said Mr Rose-Innes had watched paragliders out of his kitchen window for the past 20 years and had always thought about doing it. "It just shows that the sport is open to all ages. I think it's amazing," he said. Asked if he would repeat today's flight, Mr Rose-Innes, a retired grassland ecologist, said: "If I get a chance. If people can put up with doddery old men trying to fly. It was terrific."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Label Boxes of Decorations Be sure to label your boxes of Christmas decorations and try to be as detailed as possible. This could save you time next Christmas if you decide you don't want to use all your decorations but just select some items.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking: Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car.....a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for a dinner.....Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Den ve go see a show....let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me, two times he does!" Sadie: "Oy! Vey...so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Yetta: "No... I'm just saying that if you go, wear an old dress...." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The suave Central American diplomat was talking to the prim and proper Washington hostess. "In my country," he said, "the most popular of all activities is making love." Shocked, the wide eyed hostess said, "Oh!! Isnt that revolting!" "No," the diplomat said. "That's our second favorite activity...."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Christmas in Antarctica http://www.cvc.org/christmas/antarctica.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Sand Pillow 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 23, 2006
======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got mine and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
_________________________________________

The secret of joy in work is contained in one word -
excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.
--- Pearl S. Buck

Economics is extremely useful as a form of
employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith

A husband is like a fire,
he goes out when unattended.
--- Evan Esar

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices
that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.
He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it
comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding
proceeds hot and heavy with someone always
bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot
is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes
to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer,
"Can the bird talk?"

The auctioneer replied,
"Who do you think was bidding against you...?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dawn E. Smith, 44, of Grove, Oklahoma Free Christmas dinner for her December 18, 2006 - Jay, Oklahoma - AP Police arrested a woman after finding marijuana in a Christmas card she tried to give her jailed boyfriend. Dawn E. Smith, 44, of Grove, was arrested in connection with the incident at the Delaware County Jail. She is accused of trying to distribute a controlled substance and bringing a controlled substance into a jail. Her boyfriend, Steven McRae Jones, 26, pleaded guilty on Nov. 1 to charges that he repeatedly rammed Smiths car and took a swing at the arresting officer. He is awaiting transport to the Department of Corrections, where he will serve four years. Dawn Smith will likely spend a similar amount of time in jail. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Santa training for Sunday night ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The young lady said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???" =========================================== A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the heck are you going? ....I'm not mad at you!' ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: More camera rests There is another type of camera rest that I have used quite a bit and that you can quickly make as a Christmas gift. It's called a Sand Pillow. Find an old, scuffed leather purse about 3" x 4" or a bit smaller. Fill it with dry sand or uncooked rice or corn meal. Avoid shiny patent leather. Ideal is limp old suede. A short length of sleeve from an old motorcycle jacket works quite nicely too. Sew or glue it shut permanently. A sand pillow like that works beautifully on a car roof, rocks, wood, anything. You can nestle the camera into the pillow and it will hold it steady enough for even the longest zoom shots. Any serious photographer will definhitely appreciate a sand pillow as a Christmas gift and keep it around longer than the current camera. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Bakersfield.com News Alert KHSD to change winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter breaks Kern High School District trustees voted 4-1 Thursday morning to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter breaks. Trustees Ken Mettler, Chad Vegas, Bryan Batey and Joel Heinrichs voted in favor of the name change. Board president Bob Hampton voted against it. Mettler and Vegas said they voted for the name change to uphold American tradition. “Christmas is a federal holiday,” Mettler said. “It can certainly be recognized at the Kern High School District level.” Batey said he voted in favor of the change for many reasons including that he believes it has wide community support. Heinrichs hesitated and said he was torn before the vote. He said he ultimately voted in favor of the change so the community could move on to other educational issues. “It is a reasonable accommodation of tradition and less distracting for students in the long term,” Heinrichs said after the vote. -------------------------------- And I bet none of them were willing to give up the statutory Christmas Day holiday pay.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquor Store Boxes Visit your local liquor store and see if they have any boxes to spare. They almost always do. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box. Christmas time is when they have the biggest pile of boxes and a good time to stock up on clean, sturdy boxes.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter. The hints are great about the computers. Love the pictures and the jokes. Keep up the good work. Merry Chritmas and a very Happy New Year, Shirley -------------------- Dear Webby, Your "Scared of Santa" extra today did me in. I was crying from laughing so hard. Some of the Santas are funnier than the kids. Thanks for a good laugh. Carol --------------------- There were lot more letters and many Christmas cards. I only got room for two here, but want to thank all of you! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Ladder Pod 

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 22, 2006
wear something red today to show your support of the troops
======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

Sooner or later you are going to get it anyway, but if you
snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
_________________________________________


O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--- Saint Augustine

There are two types of people--
those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!'
and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
--- Frederick L Collins

Sanity is a madness put to good use.
--- George Santayana

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:
Little  Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few
days. He'd been playing  outside with the other kids for
a while when he came into the house and  asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when two people are
sleeping in  the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken  aback, but decided to tell him
the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse,  darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK"
and went back outside to talk and  play with the other
kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said
angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual  intercourse!
It's  called Bunk Beds!"

"And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to  you!!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this story: Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found in his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined, and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an absentminded granny in Los Angeles, CA Free X-Ray December 20, 2006 - Los Angeles, California - AP A woman mistakenly put her month-old grandson through an X-ray machine at Los Angeles International Airport, authorities said. A startled security worker noticed the shape of a child on the carry-on baggage screening monitor and immediately pulled him out, the Los Angeles Times reported for a story in Wednesday's editions. The infant was taken to a local hospital, where doctors determined he did not receive a dangerous dose of radiation. ------------------------------------- The "Flying Dot" X-Ray used at airports is so weak and harmless, that it does not even fog or mark camera film, yet it can show more detail than the high powered hospital X-Ray. I have often wondered why they are not upgrading to the same technology in hospitals. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Gary for this picture: S116-E-05983 (12 Dec. 2006) --- Backdropped by New Zealand and Cook Strait in the Pacific Ocean, astronaut Robert L. Curbeam Jr. (left) and European Space Agency (ESA) astronaut Christer Fuglesang. Cook Strait divides New Zealand's North and South Islands. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Recently my girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." =========================================== Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying, because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?" Larry responded, "It saves time." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Camera tripod bolt Dear Webby, I am very interested in what you were saying about the bolt and the camera. I followed your instructions to connecting to a camera, but you lost me when you menitoned it bolting to a ladder. How? For the life of me I cannot visualize how you are doing that. Please 'splain! Thanks, just plain Jai Dear Jai Sometimes it's easier to draw a diagram: By the way, the "20" in 1/4" x 20 refers to the type of thread. 20 threads per inch, not to the length of the bolt. The length is not critical, as long as it is long enough. Instead of drilling a hole through the step, you can of course do the same with a shelf. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 16, 2006 - Union, South Carolina - AP A man who parked illegally in a space reserved for handicapped drivers was sentenced to stand outside the store with a sign telling everyone about his crime. Ragheem Smith, 29, stood in front of a Bi-Lo grocery store Thursday with a handmade sign that read "I am not handicapped. I just parked there, sorry." Magistrate Jeff Bailey imposed the sentence. "I figured he needed to apologize in a public way," Bailey said. Smith told Bailey he didn't have the money and couldn't afford the time away from work that a jail sentence would require. He could have been sentenced to 30 days in jail or fined $325. "That was better than having to pay a lot of money," Smith said of his punishment. "I know I won't do it no more."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Newspaper and Ornaments Do not store Christmas ornaments wrapped in newspaper. The ink may come off on the ornaments while in storage. The ink can be tough to remove from some ornaments, especially cloth and plastic ones. Instead use tissue paper, wrapping paper, or kraft paper.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Dear Webby, Thank you and a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and you staff. Keep up thegreat work. It is wonderful. Goldy --------------------- Thank you so very much for your newsletter. It's a touch of sunshine in my life and although I'm pretty computer illiterate, I manage to share some of the jokes with others in my e-mails, to spread the rays a little farther. A very Merry Christmas to you and yours, Rae
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: made HOW ? http://www.madehow.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Shading Camera LCD 

Good Morning,   !
Wenesday,  December 20, 2006
======================================

"Seasons Greetings" is a snowball onto the snout of a bigot.
From me to you, it's Merry Christmas!
DearWebby

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to
discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.

"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are
you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. "Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady. "Yes," he replied. "Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Timothy Clinch, 31, in Laguna Niguel, California Dopey Robber December 17, 2006 - Laguna Niguel, California - AP A woman outsmarted an apparently drug-addled burglar who threatened her with a sword, authorities said. Robin Ricketts, 52, said she awoke early Thursday when she heard strange noises coming from her home office. Downstairs, she found a man with an 18-inch sword getting ready to make off with her computer and other electronics, said sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino. The man, identified as Timothy Clinch, 31, allegedly then held the sword to Ricketts' throat, forcing her into a chair. The burglar told Ricketts that he had tied up her husband. But Ricketts said she knew her husband was sleeping upstairs, along with their two children. "He was completely delusional," Ricketts said. When the intruder ran outside, apparently in pursuit of Rickett's husband, whom he believed had escaped, Ricketts locked the door behind him. Authorities soon found Clinch hiding behind a nearby SUV and arrested him. Sheriff's officials who booked Clinch on charges of burglary, kidnapping and assault with a deadly weapon said he had narcotics in his system. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: OOPS, should have parked a bit closer to hang those Christmas lights! ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The manager of a large office noticed one of his department heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." =========================================== Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade boy did so without error. "Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?" "Without water." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Shading Camera LCD Dear Webby, I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun. Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare on the LCD screen? Thanks for the letter & help section. Merry Christmas to a good friend. Sharon Dear Sharon Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight, cool black or navy satin. You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward. You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on the outside and lined with black on the inside. A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another photographer. You'll never get it back. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 19, 2006 - Grand Rapids, Michigan - Deeli When Akayla Weatherbee was merely four years old, she and her father sought the assistance of the local wildlife rehab center www.wildlife-rehab-center.org to seek their assistance in helping an injured animal. Even at the tender age of four, Akayla never forgot the kindness, compassion and commitment that the WRC staff demonstrated for its wildlife. Nearly two years later, Akayla returned the favor. On the eve of her sixth birthday, Akayla demonstrated her love and compassion for the animals by asking for WRC donations in lieu of birthday presents for her upcoming birthday party. Armed with a grin and over $100.00 in donations, Akayla proudly presented her donation, asking only for a few fallen swan feathers in return as a souvenir of her visit to WRC.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Address Books and Christmas Card List I came up with an idea for remembering those friends and families you wish to send a Christmas card to every year. In your address book, using a red or green marker, place a "C" for Christmas next to last name of each person you wish to have on your Christmas list. This can easily been done even if you have your list on a PDA or computerized. By Marnita
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady who was standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Amy Der Webby: I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your site and have grown to depend on it for a steady stream of laughs. I simply love the Sniveling Ninny award and would love to donate some family names to the list. Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful and insightful New Year! Amy in Franklin, IN. Dear Amy For family members like that, there is the personal Sniveling Ninnie Award. You can print it off the page at Ninnies http://webby.com/humor/i/ninnie.jpg and just fill in the names. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Easter Island http://www.mysteriousplaces.com/Easter_Island/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 132 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.7 / 10 )
Dear Webby: Lighting for Digital Cameras 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  December 19, 2006
======================================

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes,
only sooner.
--- Tallulah Bankhead

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
--- Milton Friedman

We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident,
bits of a star gone wrong.
--- Sir Arthur Eddington

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
--- Henny Youngman

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Martin for this story:

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous
artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings,
a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

"But you are not wearing any of those things."

"I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my
husband is having an affair with his secretary.
When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want her to go
nuts looking for the jewelry."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Glenn for this story: A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box.. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Ted Dres, 48, of Hamilton County, Ohio Constrictor constricted December 17, 2006 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP A 13-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around its owner's neck and killed the man in his home, authorities said. An acquaintance found Ted Dres, 48, inside the snake's cage Saturday and called police, the Hamilton County Sheriff's office said. The snake was still strangling Dres when deputies arrived, and the officers had to work with members of an animal protection group to remove the reptile, the sheriff's office said. Dres' snake will be kept at an animal shelter awaiting instructions from police or Dres' family, said Andy Mahlman, spokesman for the Cincinnati Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this story: Did you follow my advice about kissing your girl when she least expects it?" asked the sophisticated college senior of his younger fraternity brother. "Oh, heck," said the fellow with the swollen eye, "I thought you said where." =========================================== The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that we need more supervision. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Georgina Re: Lighting Dear Webby, I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret for Christmas pictures? Thanks Georgina Dear Georgina You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave flash, held about as far away as you can reach. If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about $12 and provide a very nice and warm light. Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to the side of you and half an arms length higher than the camera. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 16, 2006 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin -AP A remote control invented by a Cedarburg, Wis., man has been added to a device that lets people turn off their lights by clapping and is being test-marketed in several U.S. cities. "I've taken that to the next generation," Mark Grossmeyer, 51, said. "It's called The Clapper Plus." The Clapper has been demonstrated in television commercials for years by a grey-haired lady who keeps forgetting to turn her light off before crawling into bed and uses the device to do so by clapping. Grossmeyer combined the original device with a portable remote control to create The Clapper Plus, which is now being test-marketed by Joseph Enterprises of San Francisco in Milwaukee; Boston; Detroit; Tampa, Fla.; Providence, R.I.; and Portland, Ore. Company owner Joseph Pedott would like to broaden the product's appeal to a younger demographic and said the addition of the remote control, which operates from eight metres away, should help people who can't move around easily. "And (it could) also (help) if they have arthritic hands and they can't clap," he said. Grossmeyer, a full-time electrical engineer and part-time basement inventor, has also dreamed the VCR Co-Pilot. The later device was also sold by Joseph Enterprises. Grossmeyer said VCR Co-Pilot said sold almost one million units.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant Cuttings for Gifts I often give plants that I have started from cuttings as gifts. To brighten these up I use a water pic from the florist with one or 2 blossoms from my yard to add a bit of color. I stick the pic into the soil, and make a bow that matches in color or compliments the flowers or the pot and voila! By Linda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." ========================================== A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Der Webby: This is to wish you a very Merry Christmas, and all the thank you's in the world for your daily Humor Letter, which has cheered us all year round. Cheers! Manin ----------------------- Just wanted to take a moment and thank you for all the work and effort that goes into this newsletter that is enjoyed so much! Merry Christmas to you and yours! Billie in Fl
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 166 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 1462 )
Dear Webby: Rebel Yell 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 18, 2006
======================================

Whether you think you can, or you think you can not...
     ... You are Right!
--- Henry Ford

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I
grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well,"
said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday  anyway, and I
figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys instead!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Baldwin of Riverside, California Severe Bimbo Malfunction December 14, 2006 - Riverside, California - AP A high school choir was told to stop singing Christmas carols by Michelle Baldwin, acting like a bigoted bimbo, and backed up by a city policeman, AFTER an ice skating show featuring Olympic medalist Sasha Cohen, faking concern the skater would be offended because Michelle Baldwin decided that Cohen must be Jewish, with a name like that. While that proves Baldwin to be a racist bigot, it does not make Cohen Jewish. Cohen, who is half-Christian and "celebrates everything" during the holidays, learned only through news reports that the choir had been cut off on her account, the 22-year-old skater's mother and manager said. "Sasha was stunned. We both thought the voices were just lovely, they were doing such a wonderful job," Galina Cohen told Reuters. "Christmas carols are part of celebrating the holiday season." Cohen's mother said the 2006 Olympic silver medalist and U.S. National Champion had taken part in Christmas tree lighting ceremonies at New York's Rockefeller Center and in California. -------------------------------- Well, Virginia, now you know what kind of person we call a bigot. And if you throw a snowball onto that bigot's snout, we would call that "Season's Greetings". But from me to you, it's "Merry Christmas!" And yes, it is quite OK to wish a "Merry Christmas" to people who are not Christians. They too get a paid statutory holiday on Christmas Day, and they too can, and usually do, take advantage of all the Christmas specials at Walmart and DELL and many other stores. If you have Jewish friends, please keep in mind that most of them would prefer that you wish them a Merry Christmas, rather than asking them for the exact dates of Chanukhah. And they are not going to get into a snit if you send them a Christmas card or gift. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: WhiteOrchid taken121606 ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted to buy an evening gown for his wife for Christmas. "What size?" asked the clerk. The man shrugged blankly. Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what are your wife's measurements?" The man thought for a moment. "Small, medium, and large, in that order...." =========================================== The old lady was aging more rapidly than he wanted. "Your gout is getting worse," said the doctor. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "WHAT!" said the woman, "just so's I can walk a little better? If it wasn't for smoking, drinking and sex I wouldn't get out of my rocker in the first place!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Paul Re: Typo Dear Webby, Enjoy your newsletter daily. I noted a typo a few days ago that has been reappearing. I write a newsletter too and have someone else proof read as I tend to see what I wrote, not actually what I may have typed. In you promotion for your Christmas book the line This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold could be corrected. Thanks again, and I hope your efforts bring you as much prosperity as they bring enjoyment to your fans. Merry Christmas Paul D Dear Paul Thanks for the "heads-up" ! Got it fixed now. You got a very interesting site there. Even a quick glance showed me that I could spend a lot of time learning there. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 16, 2006 - San Antonio, Texas - AP The Good Bytes Cafe has stained concrete floors, jars of scones and a small bank of computers in the corner, making it much like any Internet cafe. But the computers _ outfitted with a joystick mouse, magnifying software and equipment allowing people to point and click with their eye movements, make Good Bytes one of just a handful nationwide specifically designed for disabled users. The cafe, which held its grand opening Friday, is a first for Goodwill Industries, the nonprofit best known for selling used clothing and furniture at its thrift stores nationwide. "We're the first, but we won't be the last," said Rebecca Helterbrand, marketing vice president for Goodwill Industries of San Antonio. Goodwill has long had job centers around San Antonio to help disabled residents find work, but surveys found that 70 percent of the area's disabled are unemployed and 60 percent don't have computer skills, she said. Because of the correlation between joblessness and lack of computer skills, Goodwill wanted to build something that would give more disabled people access to assistive technology. The nonprofit also wanted to do it in a setting as likely to be filled with nearby office workers and tourists as the disabled, Helterbrand said. The cafe, funded with a $125,000 grant from San Antonio based AT&T Inc., will be supported by food sales and will double as a location to train disabled food service workers, she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thrifty Gift Tags Cut the top part of used greeting cards off, then cut this down to whatever size (and shape) you wish, depending on the design. (If it's an angel, just cut her out.) I also like to use hearts or other shapes that perhaps match the occasion for the gift you will use them on. Punch a hole in it, write your sentiments on the back, and attach to your package with a colored ribbon or raffia. By Patricia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Pete had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Pete went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Pete slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday...?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Chenli for this Chinese Christmas Link Chinese Christmas http://christmas.8wish.com/?stra=%u9648%u4E3D Thanks to Sandie for this old favorite Bonus Link: Dominic The Donkey http://members.shaw.ca/cybernana/funpag ... minick.htm Thanks to Dianne for the Southern Christmas Link Southern Reindeer http://home.att.net/~mcp3_2000/_christm ... indeer.htm Interestingly enough, the Chinese censorship won't allow access to that page. It seems the concept of a reindeer with a John Deere tractor hat letting out a rebel yell is considered a bit too subversive and revolutionary.
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Screen saver / Power saver 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  December 17, 2006
======================================

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
--- Voltaire

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
--- Mel Brooks

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli for bringing back this classic:
 As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each
of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she
asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my
twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we
sing hymns, then we come home very late, and we put mince
pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all
excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys".

"Very nice Patrick", she said.

"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom
and Dad and we sing carols, and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring
our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes
home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we
drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the
empty shelves and begin to sing
'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'.
Then we all go to the Bahamas ...."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem: When I was very little, All the Grandmas that I knew All walked around this world, In ugly grandma shoes. You know the ones I speak of, Those black clunky heeled kind, They just looked so very awful That it weighed upon my mind, For I knew, when I grew old, I'd have to wear those shoes, I'd think of that, from time to time It seemed like such bad news. I never was a rebel, I wore saddle shoes to school. And next came ballerinas Then the sandals, pretty cool. And then came spikes with pointed toes, Then platforms, very tall, As each new fashion came I wore them, one and all. But always, in the distance, Looming in my future, there, Was that awful pair of ugly shoes, The kind that Grandmas wear. I eventually got married And then I became a Mom. Our kids grew up and left, And then their children came along. I knew I was a Grandma And the time was drawing near, When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes Was what I'd have to wear. How would I do my gardening? Or take my morning hike? I couldn't even think about How I would ride my bike! But fashions kept evolving, And one day I realized That the shape of things to come Was changing, right before my eyes. And now, when I go shopping What I see, fills me with glee. For, in my jeans and Reeboks I'm as comfy as can be. And I look at all these teenage girls And there, upon their feet Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes, And they really think they're neat. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Baldwin of Riverside, California Bimbo Malfunction December 14, 2006 - Riverside, California - AP A high school choir was asked to stop singing Christmas carols during an ice skating show featuring Olympic medalist Sasha Cohen out of concern the skater would be offended because she's Jewish. A city staff member, accompanied by a police officer, approached the Rubidoux High School Madrigals at the Riverside Outdoor Ice Skating Rink just as they launched into "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" and requested that the troupe stop singing, the Riverside Press-Enterprise reported Thursday. Cohen, the 2006 Olympic silver medalist and 2006 U.S. National Champion, had just finished her performance at the rink on the downtown pedestrian mall, and was signing autographs. Choir director Staci Della-Rocco said she complied with the request "because a policeman told me to stop. I didn't want to have a big huge scene in front of my kids," according to the newspaper. The city staff member, special-events employee Michelle Baldwin, could not be reached for comment. City Development Director Belinda J. Graham confirmed the incident. "This request was simply made by a staff member who was attempting to be sensitive to the celebrity guest, without considering the wider implications ... or consulting with her supervisor for guidance," Graham said in an e-mail to the newspaper. Mayor Ron Loveridge called the incident "unfortunate." "You kind of wish people do a little checking first. You certainly have my apology," he said, referring to the choir members. A spokeswoman with the New York-based PR firm that helped promote the event said Cohen did not make the request to silence the singers. -------------------------- Cohen was not performing a religious ceremony, but was simply paid to skate, and had finished with the skating. If she even heard the carolers, she probably would have enjoyed the music. There was no need for Michelle Baldwin to get a cop to back her up while she was being a silly nuisance. I would hope the cop got a reprimand for abusing his office to support a bigoted music critic. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures of a baby hawk ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for forwarding a Jewish friend's observations and comparisons between Christmas and Hannukha: Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida). * Christmas is a major holiday. * Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!!! * Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos... * Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive on the bookshelf. * There is only one way to spell Christmas. * No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka, Channukah,Hanukah, Hannuka, whatever. * Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. * Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah. * Christmas brings enormous electric bills. * Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis. * Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye Faithful..... * Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or about having a party and dancing the Hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by Jews. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully? And made tons of money singing them? * A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. * A home preparing for Cha nukah smells of oil, potatoes and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once. * Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies. * Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages. * Parents deliver gifts to their children during Christmas. * Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift any of the eight nights of Chanukah. * The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus. * The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah, Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it the same twice in a row. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history. * In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. * The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for... 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, make everybody else feel guiltier than you, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. =========================================== Thanks to Rose for this story: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror--- wearing nothing but a camera! ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trish Re: Screen Saver Hi Webby After reading today's letter it occurred to me that I don't have a 'screen saver' on. I don't know if it's best to have it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be interested to know. I did look at the 'clock screensavers' "Chuck" recommended, downloaded the mickey mouse one (or all of them for all I know), it did appear after whatever time I have screen saver on for but after half an hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I leave my computer on. Is this the 'power saving thing happening' or what, I really am not sure why one should have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what, "please explain". Think I read once that they just take up space on the computer. Not talking about the desktop picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on the thing goes black after a short while anyway. Thanks if you can answer this. Regards to you and yours, Trish Dear Trish The screensaver makes sure that you don't burn the default desktop into the screen. With today's monitors that is not so common, but I remember when I was a mobile computer tech and taking care of the government computers in the Yukon, and seeing all the 10 inch greenie monitors clearly showing the IBM DisplayWrite 4 menu, even when turned off. A moving picture prevents that from happening. The reason your monitor eventually turns off is not because it gets tired of amusing the dust bunnies, but to reduce your electricity bill. You can set the length of time it burns electricity, after you finish doing anything on it, in the power options. A monitor burns about the same amount of electricity as two 75 Watt lightbulbs, and produces about the same amount of heat. Where you are, that means you got to spend again as much power on the air conditioner, to get rid of that heat. That translates into a 300 Watt Mickey Mouse watch, just to amuse your dust bunnies while you are sleeping. Microsoft thought that was kinda silly and gave you the option to save some money. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Arlington, Virginia - AP It took a second or two for Jaimen Ortiz to fully comprehend what he was seeing: two toddlers playing in an open second- floor window, and one of them hanging from the window sill. So Ortiz hopped a fence and ran to the apartment building. Just as he got there, the two-year-old girl fell, screaming. Ortiz put out his arms and caught her cleanly, perhaps saving her life and certainly preventing serious injury. "If I had delayed one more second, she would have fallen to the ground," Ortiz said through a Spanish interpreter, recalling the Oct. 13 incident. The toddlers' father was charged with reckless endangerment. Ortiz's quick thinking was honoured Tuesday in Arlington, where the County Board presented him a certificate of recognition for heroism. Ortiz, 29, seemed slightly overwhelmed by the attention he received Tuesday as he fielded multiple interview requests. "I have a five-year-old child, and you never know. Maybe someday he might need help like I was able to give to this girl," he said. While he was unaccustomed to the recognition, it's not the first time he has been a hero. As a teenager growing up in Guatemala, he helped save the wife of a friend from drowning.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Wrapping Center I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold: tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court. His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice has triumphed!" A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, "Appeal at once!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Glenis Dear Webby I just want to tell you how much I appreciate the time and effort you put into creating the Humor Letter every day, and that wonderful Heirloom Christmas book. You should charge a lot more for it! Most 20 - 30 page e-books cost $69 and up, and yours has 192 pages for just $10. You would probably sell a lot more if you raised the price! Have a Merry Christmas Glenis Dear Glenis I will definitely consider that for the next book, but I won't change the price on this one. It's a Heirloom that should be in every house, and a higher price might be too steep for some people. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Newgrange http://www.knowth.com/newgrange.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Clean House 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 16, 2006
======================================

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more,
do more and become more, you are a leader.
— John Quincy Adams

Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
--- Charles McCabe

-------------------
There sure seem to be a lot of "artists" out there!

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He
took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the
hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer
drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the
man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold
the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service
station.

The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know
why you are in that place."

The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being
stupid."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Rose for this story: While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new laptop and told her that when he was a kid, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of the school next door. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "WOW! How big was the mouse?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown, Ohio Wrong way to shop December 13, 2006 - Liberty, Ohio - AP A grocery store manager was struck in the head with a 10-pound sack of potatoes by a customer angry about having to wait in line, police say. Police in Liberty, near Youngstown in northeast Ohio, say a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown is suspected in the attack. Scott Renzenbrink, 45, told police a clerk having problems with a customer called him to the register. The customer told him she was upset about the wait and struck the manager in the back of head with the potatoes when he was walking away after the conversation, according to police. A witness followed the woman out to the parking lot and took down her license plate number. Renzenbrink, who was not seriously hurt in the attack last Thursday, identified the woman by a Bureau of Motor Vehicles photo. He may file assault charges. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture, rubbing it in that they have very little snow in Florida. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" the judge asked. "Yes, your honor." The judge looked at the petition. "I can, ummm, see why, ummm, Mr. Leon . . . Birdbrain, is it?" "Yes, your honor, that's correct." "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr., ummm, Birdbrain?" "Jim, your honor." =========================================== An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like this: 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!' ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Peter Re: VISA versus PayPal Dear Webby, I tried to order above ebook. Do I have to pay with PayPal - I do not have an account them? I can pay with VISA? Thanks, Peter Dear Peter Yes, sure you can use VISA or Mastercard. Through the PayPal cart you can pay with VISA or Mastercard. I realize now that Malta's banking laws currently only allow you to have a Receive-only account, and that you can't use your PayPal account for paying, but you can still use any PayPal shopping cart and pay with your credit card in it. If you have any problems, you can also order the e-book through the Webby shopping cart. The shortcut to that e-book is http://webby.com/cbp http://webby.com/cbp Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Grand Forks, North Dakota - AP A thrift store worker checking donated items found nearly $7,000 in a coat pocket and money belt, police say. "I guess I was shocked," said Shirley Meagher, who works at the Home Place Thrift Store in Grand Forks. Meagher, who has worked part time at the thrift store since September, said she occasionally finds strange objects mixed in with donations. On Monday, she found a can of soup. Tuesday's find was an eye-opener. "I was sorting through some donations and came across a belt that looked unusual," she said. "It looked awfully thick." Meagher remembered hearing that some belts had zippers so their owners could hide money, so she checked the donated belt a little closer. She found a zipper, opened it and pulled out a bunch of $100 bills. She contacted her boss, Prairie Harvest executive director Debra Johnson, who decided to notify police. Meagher said she started sorting through other items that arrived with the belt, to try to find the person who donated it, and found more money in a coat. The total amount in the coat and the belt came to nearly $7,000. Police said they would keep the money until it can be returned to the family of the coat's owner, Gary Beaton, who died last month. His relatives live out of the state, police Lt. Jim Remer said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Folding Chair Bags For Storing Wrapping Paper If you don't keep your collapsible (camping) chairs in the pouch they came in you can store your rolls of wrapping paper in them. It keeps light and dust from ruining the rolls of paper. By Sandy
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" "Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded, "we could clean the house."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Vancouver Parks http://members.shaw.ca/panthers6/MainPage.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Missing Mime 

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 15, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

I have often been afraid, but I would not give in to it.
I made myself act as though I was not afraid and
gradually my fear disappeared."
--- Theodore Roosevelt

Once the game is over,
the King and the pawn go back in the same box.
--- Italian Proverb

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:
Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it.
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last
journey comfortable.

They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.

Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift
the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and
before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down
to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us
some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her
face said, "Don't sell that cow."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 57 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station. Indiana Wrong way to shop December 12, 2006 -Merrillville, Indiana - AP Instead of impressing "Honey Bunny" on Christmas morning with a 42-inch plasma television, "Big Papa" is facing a charge of theft. Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station, was charged Monday with stealing the TV and a Sleep Number bedding system from a hotel where he worked as a security officer. Security video showed Perez walking into a room at the Radisson Hotel on Nov. 29 with an empty luggage cart, then leaving minutes later with a full cart covered with cloth, Merrillville police Detective Donald Toth said. Police said they searched Perez's Lake Station home Friday and found the Sleep Number system installed on Perez's bed and the TV underneath the tree, wrapped in green, Santa-themed paper. The attached card was addressed to "Mom, Honey Bunny from Big Papa, Daddy," Toth said. Perez, who has been fired from his hotel job, was released Monday after posting a $10,000 surety bond. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Decked out with a big Christmas tree on the locomotive and 200,000 LED lights on its freight cars, The CPR Holiday Train provides high class entertainment in exchange for food and donations for foodbanks. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== THE IMPORTANCE OF USING CORRECT EMAIL ADDRESSES A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules, it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an email back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the email without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she shrieked, fainted, and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Already Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! =========================================== Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be messing with my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: Not receiving pictures properly Dear Webby Just today, 12/14/2006, I viewed an email with images in it, and forwarded to my son - He only received ONE of the images at the end of a page or two of gibberish! The one image that he received was in my attached folder. So I went back to the original message to forward him the images and they had ALL changed to red Xs in little boxes! I use Eudora 7.0.1.0 to up/download my mail to/from comcast.net - So where did these images go? Dear George With Eudora you specify the location of your attachment folder. All pictures wind up either in the attachment folder, or in the Embedded folder. Exceptions are pictures that are linked to the source, the way I do with the Humor Letter. Those pictures can always be retrieved from there, and no file transfer is required between you and your recipient. For example, if you forward the Humor Letter to your son, only the links to the pictures are sent, and his mail program then retrieves the pictures from my server. What happened in your case is that most likely you sent an HTML page, but your son did not have MIME turned on or enabled in his mail program. That is why he saw pages of gibberish, the pictures in binary form. Once he turns on MIME, he should receive your pictures OK. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Omaha, Nebraska - AP While many Christmas trees sparkle with tinsel and lights during the holiday season, some reek of fox urine or wear a splatter of pink stain. A surge in Christmas tree poaching has forced growers and property owners to take action. Smelly, discolored trees are less likely to be cut and dragged off by thieves. At the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, for example, evergreens are sprayed with a fox urine mixture and tagged with a warning to discourage tree thieves. "It is a strong odor, and it smells just like what it is," said Kirby Baird, a landscape manager at the school. When the tree is out in the cold, the smell isn't noticeable, Baird said. But once the tree is inside and starts to warm up... "It's nasty," he said. Tree poaching once was a problem at Washington State University, which has more than 150 evergreen, spruce and fir trees on campus. "We did have a lot of trees cut for Christmas trees, either entire small trees or tops of large trees," said grounds supervisor Kappy Brun. The poaching all but stopped after groundskeepers began to spray campus trees with the oily, odorous liquid produced by skunks. While Nebraska and Washington fought tree poachers with odor, Cornell University made their trees less appealing as Christmas decorations. Workers there painted trees with "ugly mix" — a solution of hydrated lime and red food coloring developed by one of Cornell's veteran gardeners. The result: fluorescent pink trees. The mix stays on trees for about a month before fading, and is credited with saving dozens of evergreens over the years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop for Gifts at the Dollar Store This year when Christmas shopping, consider buying gifts as well as decorative items from your local dollar store. I went into our dollar store yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised at the amount of decorative items as well as gift items available - and at such a reasonable price! By Robin
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
WHERE YA FROM ? A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?'' ''Sam,'' the man moaned. ''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked. ''The balcony.'' ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Liked the clock link, but I dug a little further and there are a series of clock screen savers here http://beeks.eu/Screensaver.htm some are pretty cute. Chuck ------------------------------- Hi there and very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yous. Your great newsletter keeps us all in a good mood and everyone I talked to seems to entoy it. I certainly do. Keep up the good work. Cathy
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Tow To Go 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  December 14, 2006
======================================

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
--- Henry Stimson

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up
- they have no holidays.
--- Henny Youngman

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied
himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he
was.  On one occasion he is supposed to have interested
himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted
through it so that he might speak to the prisoners.  One after
the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him,
bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter
innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.
"You," he called.  "You there."

The prisoner looked up.  "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty.  I deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once.  I will not
have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the
splendid innocent people who occupy it."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?" Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chesterfield County school officials in Virginia Illegal Art December 13, 2006 - Richmond, Virginia - AP To hear the students tell it, Stephen Murmer is a fun, popular art teacher who is always quick to crack a joke. But there is another side to Murmer. A side that has agitated school officials and resulted in his suspension. A side that focuses, almost entirely, on the crack in his backside. Outside of class and under an alter ego, the self-proclaimed "butt-printing artist" creates floral and abstract art by plastering his posterior and genitals with paint and pressing them against canvas. His cheeky creations sell for hundreds of dollars. This has not gone over well with Chesterfield County school officials, who placed Murmer on administrative leave from his job at Monacan High School. Murmer contacted the American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia after he was suspended on Friday, ACLU legal director Rebecca Glenberg said. He told Glenberg that administrators had suspended him with pay for five days because of his work as a butt-print painter and that he also could face unpaid suspension pending an investigation. Murmer went to great lengths to keep his work life separate from his activities as an artist, said ACLU executive director Kent Willis. As a butt-printing artist, he goes by the name "Stan Murmur," and appears in disguise in photographs and videos promoting his art. "As a public employee, he has constitutional rights, and he certainly has the right to engage in private legal activities protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution," Willis said. "I'm certainly proud of the butt painting," Murmer said in response to questions about his disguise. "I do have a real job where I do have real clients and I don't think they'd be too understanding if I was also the guy who painted with my butt." That video has made the rounds at Monacan High, where the mere mention of Murmer's name was enough to elicit grins from students Tuesday. Most appeared to be firmly behind their teacher, describing his suspension as "stupid," "ignorant" and "kinda retarded." ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!" =========================================== Cajun math A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeannie Re: Tow To Go Dear Webby Tow To Go is a Partnership between AAA Auto Club South & Anheuser Busch This program offers Members and Nonmembers, a confidential free-ride home and tow of their vehicle in order to avoid a potential drunk-driving situation. * Call 1-800-AAA-HELP -- the call will be directed to an ERS Call Center, depending on where the call originates * The AAA call taker knows to dispatch a contractor participating in the program (contractors have already agreed to be a part of the program) * The AAA contractor arrives at the vehicle and takes the vehicle and the driver safely home, free of charge to the motorist. Tow to Go Holiday Dates are November 23rd - December 31st Jeannie Dear Jeannie Tow To Go is a great program, and probably has saved many thousands of lives. However, I would strongly advise to call them first, and find out if that service is actually available in your town or village. Bar closing time could be an awkward time to find out that your town is not included in the program. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Atlanta, Georgia Living in balmy south Georgia, Gene Long knew his wife Crystal pined for the winter snows of her native Pennsylvania. So he decided to do something about it. Armed with a homemade snowmaking machine, the 41-year-old paramedic and firefighter stayed up overnight during a rare subfreezing snap and crisscrossed their property. Saturday morning, he presented her with an inch-deep blanket of snow on their lawn. "She thought it was pretty cool," Long said. "We actually had a little snowball fight." Crystal Long laughed out loud, recalling the vision that greeted her when she got up.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vegetable Oil on Your Snow Shovel Coat your snow shovel with some vegetable oil to keep snow from sticking to it. Use the cheapest cooking oil you have on hand.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tin Tiles http://www.oldhousejournal.com/magazine ... sedl.shtml
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Red X 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 13, 2006
======================================

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with
potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other
virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful,
generous, or honest."
— Maya Angelou

Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that.
--- Sir Francis Bacon

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You will know what it is about, when somebody talks about
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

Not all of the stories in the Heirloom Christmas Book are for
reading to all ages, but it is a cultural treasure that shold be
passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two
truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read
CLEARANCE 11'3."

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first.
"Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pat Davis, Seattle December 12, 2006 - Seattle, Washington - AP Christmas trees are going back up at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Pat Davis, president of the Port of Seattle commission, which directs airport operations, said late Monday that maintenance staff would restore the 14 plastic holiday trees, festooned with red ribbons and bows, that were removed over the weekend because of a rabbi's complaint that holiday decor did not include a menorah. Airport managers believed that if they allowed the addition of a 2.5-metre-tall menorah to the display, as Seattle Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky had requested, they would also have to display symbols of other religions and cultures, which was not something airport workers had time for during the busiest travel season of the year, Airport Director Mark Reis said earlier Monday. Port officials received word Monday afternoon that Bogomilsky's organization would not file a lawsuit at this time over the placement of a menorah, Davis said in a statement. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== For over 30 years Dave had worked in construction in New York City. Those many years working around loud machinery had taken its toll on Dave's body and he began to fear that he was losing his hearing. So Dave went to the doctor and told him the problem. He explained to the doctor that things had gotten so bad that he couldn't even hear himself fart. The doctor examined Dave and then gave him some pills. Dave asked, "Will these help me to hear better?" The doctor replied, "No. They will make you fart louder." =========================================== Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a nurse over there to read the picket signs. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita T Re: red X Dear Webby I have a question I would like to ask you. When a picture comes up with a box and red x in the center of it how can I open it up? Love reading your letters everyday. Thank you, Rita T Dear Rita The red x indicates that the sender has messed up and that the picture is not there, or that the webmaster has messed up and mis-spelled the name of the picture or forgot to upload it. There is nothing you can do, except complain to who dun it (or didn't do it). Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 11, 2006 - Los Angeles - AP The Los Angeles Opera has received a $4 million donation for a multi-year ''Recovered Voices'' project that will produce music the Nazis tried to silence. Marilyn Ziering, a philanthropist and opera board member, donated $3.25 million and raised an additional $750,000 from various donors, LA Opera General Director Placido Domingo announced Monday. The ''Recovered Voices'' project will highlight the music of early 20th-century composers such as Alexander Zemlinsky, Kurt Weill and Viktor Ullmann.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Sheets of Stamps Keep stamps from sticking together by storing them in-between sheets of wax paper. Wax paper also works well for saving stickers, just put them on the shiny side of the wax paper.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
John was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looked at his lunch and said, "I don't like chicken soup, bring something else." The orderly said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it." John refused to eat. That night, the John's roommate had bad stomach pain, so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to John. The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital. John told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they're very strict about their food. Here's a good tip: when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and give it to you the hard way, from the other end!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist: "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Probably" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mints http://tinyurl.com/y6z4n4
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL spam control tip 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 11, 2006
======================================

Another late night, but since the sun rises late this time of
the year, it won't chase me from my desk this shift.
The Heirloom Christmas Book is finally finished, and
uploaded. I had to redo all the pictures, because the book
was 5 MB large. That could be a bit too large for some
of the computers out there. So now I trimmed it down to
just 2.6 MB. Still a monster with almost 200 pages, but
a more manageable file size.

I won't guarantee that you will like ALL the stories, but
I am pretty sure I got all the classics, that your great-grandma
read or recited to your grandma, when she was a kid.
Plus a couple of contempory ones.


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb




By the way, I formatted the book so that you can print it
regular letter size, or with ClickBook in paperback size
printed front andback on a quarter the number of sheets
of paper.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.

"Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel shot back.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two big men standing by the door?"

Joel nodded.

"They're hushers."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== After the college boy delivered the pizza to Rob's's trailer house, Rob asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Rob. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Rob. The lad smiled and said: "Reverse psychology." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops band 'Sorry - we won't be there' A Four Tops tribute band missed a sell-out gig - when they set their satnav for Chelmsford instead of Cheltenham. Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops, based on the Motown band whose biggest hit was 'I'll Be There', ended up 140 miles from the venue. Tour manager Alan Frazer said: "They were very upset to let down their fans because they put on such a great show. "Whoever tapped the place into the satnav got it wrong. They don't know British geography very well because they're American. "The guys have had a stressful tour playing 74 dates in Britain this year. The driver's been given a severe reprimand because of the error. It's cost me and the band a small fortune. "It was a nightmare. It wasn't as if they stopped the car and were sitting in the pub. They're all nonalcoholic vegetarians. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== More about this in today's bonus link ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== "I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could get laid three or four times a week." "That's funny," said another patron. "That's why I got divorced." =========================================== One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amber Rose Re: Cause of missed letters Dear Webby I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference be that they do not have your e-mail address in their Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently. I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized. Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also. Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received. AmberRose Dear AmberRose You are 100% right. Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the address book, the mail always gets through. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Speeding couple given toy A German couple caught speeding on their way to give birth were given a toy for their new baby instead of a ticket. Barbara and Johann Meyer, from Wachtberg, initially received a ticket after a speed camera photographed them breaking the speed limit. But when they told authorities that they were on their way to hospital where Barbara gave birth to their first baby, police cancelled the fine. Instead, they sent them a toy police officer in uniform - holding a speed camera. Police also recommended the Meyers put the original speeding camera image into their son's first photo album.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Peanuts Garland Do you have some styrofoam packaging peanuts lying around? String them together using a large needle and sturdy thread (or fishing line). You can even spruce them up a bit by painting the peanuts in Christmas colors. You can easily dye them by pouring food coloring or textile dye over them. The easiest way to string them up is with #19 magnet or motor wire. Most electrical rewind shops will gladly give you 20 - 50 foot leftover pieces of wire. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, " Yes we made good time, but that little red wagon wasn't doing bad either." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Martin, the nifty guy from Oklahoma, who sends so many neat pictures and jokes, has a Christmas Greeting for you: Martin http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=bd57 ... 8G20061210
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Cool Clock 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 9, 2006
======================================

Forgiveness does not have anything to do with other people.
It has everything to do with you.
--- Gary Zukav

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.

Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big, dumb
galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress -- don't wait
any longer."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Three men died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the pearly gates and told the men that they would would each receive a car to drive. The only draw back was that they did not get to pick out the car they wanted, it was determined on how well they behaved on earth. St. Peter asked the first guy if he had ever cheated on his wife and he said, "Yes, I'm afraid I did one time." St. Peter told him that he would get a mid-size car to drive in heaven since he had cheated on his wife. St.Peter asked the second guy if he had cheated on his wife. "Yes, I'm afraid that I did twice during the time we were married," replied the second man.St. Peter told him that he would receive a compact car to drive in heaven. The third man was asked the same question and he replied, "No I am happy to report that I was happily married and never cheated on my wife!" St. Peter congratulated him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven. One day the first two men saw the man in the luxury car crying at a stop light and asked him why he was crying. After all he had gotten a luxury car. He replied, "I just saw my wife go by, and she was on ONE roller skate!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Armstrong, of Fort Myers, Florida Dumb Forger December 7, 2006 - Chesterfield Township, Michigan - AP A man who police say tried to pass a counterfeit check at a Wal-Mart chose the wrong store at the wrong time. Dozens of officers were at the suburban Detroit store Tuesday helping needy children pick out items as part of an annual "Shop with a Cop" charity event. That didn't stop Calvin E. Fluckes Jr., 21, from pulling into the parking lot next to 40 marked squad cars, police said. He apparently was unfazed by the police presence as he tried to pay for merchandise with a poorly photocopied check for $847.83. The cashier called over a manager, who alerted one of the 80 officers who happened to be in the store. "He was immediately apprehended," Chesterfield Township police Lt. David Marker told the Detroit Free Press. "I can't even imagine what he was thinking." Fluckes was arraigned Wednesday on one count of uttering and publishing. He was being held in the Macomb County Jail on $2,000 bail. He could face up to 14 years in prison if convicted. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Two elderly men were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ed noticed something funny about Joe's ear. He said, "Joe did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" "I have? A suppository?" He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said: "Ed, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is." =========================================== This guy was walking on the beach and found what looked like a genie bottle so he rubbed it and sure enough out came a genie. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes." The man thought for a while and said, "O.K. for my first wish I want a Red Lambourgini." and poof there on the beach was a brand new red Lambourgini. "for my second wish I want 3 milloin dollars." and poof three million dollars apeared on the seat in the Lambourgini. He said "Now for my third wish make me irresistable to women." and poof, the genie turned him into a box of chocolates. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martin Re: Cool Clock Dear Webby, This is the COOLEST clock I have seen yet!! A new one!! Look closely at it!! Amazing!! Cool Clock http://home.tiscali.nl/annejan/swf/timeline.swf Martin Dear Martin It definitely is! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 5, 2006 - Baltimore, Maryland - AP William Polk Carey, chairman and founder of real estate company W. P. Carey & Co., has donated $50 million to Johns Hopkins University, which the college will use to establish business and education schools, the university announced late Monday. The W.P. Carey Foundation gift is the largest ever to Hopkins for business education. The Carey Business School and the School of Education will start operating Jan. 1, the university said in a news release. Carey is a trustee emeritus of Hopkins. The business school will add a five-year bachelor's-MBA program. This is Carey's second funding of a business school. In 2003, he donated $50 million to Arizona State University to establish W.P. Carey School of Business there.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saucer Decoupage Picture Frame If you any have saucers without a cup, you can cut a family picture to fit in the center of the saucer. Glue the picture to the saucer and decorate around the picture. Let it dry and then give it a coating of decoupage. Let that dry and apply a second coating. Slip it in a decoupage box, decorated by you, and add a pretty bow. - Gladys Hill
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. "Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him." "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how ?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== A business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.' "And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Diane for this Bonus Link: Yule Recipes from around the world http://tinyurl.com/y3mc2g
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Fire Wall 

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 7, 2006
Wear something red to show your support for our troops!
======================================

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think
of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--- Mark Twain

Few things help an individual more than to place
responsibility upon him, and to let him know that
you trust him.
--- Booker T. Washington

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this report:
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while
both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each
year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid-December.   Female reindeer
retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting
Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph
to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a
fat-butt man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night
and not get lost.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Wendy goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" Wendy replied, "God help us. Has it come to this? OK, give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Armstrong, of Fort Myers, Florida Klutzy Burglar November 30, 2006 - FORT MYERS, Florida - IBS A burglar had no trouble breaking into a Florida post office, but getting out was harder than he thought. Security cameras took pictures of the man, who police said was Anthony Armstrong, as he allegedly used a sledgehammer to break through the wall of a Fort Myers, Fla., post office. Once inside the office, he could not get out, police said. He eventually called 911 and asked for help. Police said the man told them that three men had chased him into the post office. But officers said the sledgehammer and the security photos didn't support his story. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" =========================================== It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ted Re: Fire Wall Dear Webby, I notice you recommend McAfee anti-virus and Firewall. I have McAfee Anti-Virus but was afraid to put in the Firewall for fear it would block something I wanted. Just what does the Firewall do?? I have Spybot and Crap Cleaner installed as well. Ted Dear Ted Hi Ted The Firewall keeps out hackers. It does not block anything that is safe or useful. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 5, 2006 - LOS ANGELES - AP The most powerful man in Hollywood isn't an A-lister, but attends more movie premieres than Brad Pitt and George Clooney combined. He has no entourage, but hits enough nightspots to make Paris Hilton jealous. He's a red-carpet regular with the power to shut down any event from the Oscars on down. Robert Gladden isn't a filmmaker or financier. He's a fireman, one of 14 in Los Angeles who inspect and oversee areas of public assembly. Gladden's territory is Tinseltown, and practically every Hollywood party, performance or premiere requires his approval. ''If the public could be endangered, we're on it,'' says Gladden, 54. In the process, the slim, silver-haired fireman gets a front-row seat to some of the world's most-watched events. His interest is ostensibly safety, not celebrity, but he's had more brushes with fame than a Hollywood stylist. ''I absolutely have the coolest job,'' he says. ''There's nothing like it because most people don't associate being a fireman with all this celebrity stuff.'' Gladden trained in the Air Force, then followed his late father's footsteps into the Los Angeles Fire Department. Gladden joined in 1978, 10 years after his dad died in a blaze. He took on his current assignment in 1996.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money With LED Christmas Lights They aren't quite as bright as other lights, but LED Christmas lights will save you a bundle on your energy bill. They cost as much as 90% less to operate. LED lights also produce almost no heat, which reduces the risk of fire.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $100, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Diane for this Bonus Link: Snow Scapes http://www.waynehiggins.com/snowscapes.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Yahoo mail crashing 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  December 7, 2006
======================================

To have striven, to have made the effort,
to have been true to certain ideals -
this alone is worth the struggle."
— William Penn

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.
The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"

"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."

"Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer.

"Well, a woman," the humble witness replied.

The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman.
Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"

And the witness said meekly, "Um, all of my sisters did."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son if he got a part in the play. With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said, "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son," the dad said. "Keep up the good work and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Allen Rodgers, 42 of Anderson, South Carolina Wrong driver for a float December 5, 2006 - Columbia, South Carolina — AP A man accused of speeding down Main Street in Anderson has been charged with drunken driving. What was unusual was that he was driving a float in a Christmas parade at the time. When officers caught up to 42-year-old David Allen Rodgers, he had an open container of alcohol in the truck he used to haul the children and adults on a float for the Steppin' Out Dance Studio, Anderson Police spokeswoman Linda Dudley said. Witnesses said Rodgers was driving in line in Sunday's parade when he pulled out to pass a tractor in the float. Rodgers sped down Main Street and ran a red light, while a witness on the float called 911 on a cell phone, police said. Officers started chasing Rodgers, who didn't stop for three miles. Once he pulled over, he tried to attack an officer, Dudley said. Rodgers, whose child was on the float, faces more than three dozen charges, including DUI, 18 counts of kidnapping and assaulting an officer, authorities said. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for a picture of his new RV ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took baby Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." =========================================== Doug stumbled into the bar and after several drinks confided to his friend Bill, "The next time I give her the ultimatum 'Sex or Walk' I must remember to be in my own car and not hers." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Yahoo Mail crashing Dear Webby: My Yahoo mail is getting shut down almost every time I use it by my I/E. I guess the only alternative is to download another browser like Foxfire, right? I would appreciate your advice on this one. I think a lot of people are having this problem. Could it be that Microsoft is trying to force us to give up the old version of I/E to use the new and flawed version of I/E? What a buncha commies! Pat Dear Pat Nah, that's just a routine Yahoo screw-up. There have not been any changes to IE6, and Microsoft even offers you a little utility to protect you from IE7. I sent you a referral to Google's gmail. That works. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Ironton, Ohio - AP The bride wore white, strains of the ''Wedding March'' were in the air, and there was a minister and several guests. But the location of a young couple's weekend nuptials was not so traditional. Aaron Grenier and Michelle Hogsten, both 24, exchanged their vows Saturday at a nursing home in this southern Ohio community. The setting allowed Grenier's mother to be on hand for the big day. Following a series of strokes and other ailments, Beverly Cade, 48, was placed in the Jo-Lin Health Center in February, and doctors have advised her not to leave. She was seated down front for the ceremony. ''We just wanted her to be able to be there,'' Grenier said. ''That was what was important.'' He and his new bride said they'd been planning their unusual wedding for six months. It was the first ever held in the home's activity room, said Peggy Dyer, Jo-Lin activities director. Other residents were eager to be wheeled in so they could attend. ''It has been a long time since many of them had ever seen a wedding,'' Dyer said. The wedding also was a novelty for the minister. Rev. Richard Carter said he'd married inmates at the county jail before but had never had a couple tie the knot in a nursing home.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Chain Garland Looking for Christmas garlands that cost little or no money? Make a paper chain garland using the funny pages from the newspaper or colorful gloss ads. Just cut paper into strips, tape or staple the loops as you chain them together.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Little Johnny was laying about on a snow pile. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Johnny said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny could relate, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute." "Oh," said Johnny. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Johnny, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Deeli, about the phone tax refund: http://www.snopes.com/business/taxes/excise.asp
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: McAfee blocking newsletters? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 6, 2006
======================================

Money is much more exciting than anything it buys.
--- Mignon McLaughlin

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
--- Wayne Gretzky

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Southern Grandmother on the Witness Stand:

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trail, a southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She
responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you
were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You
lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you"

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
One of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife
With three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge promptly asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a
very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you both to the electric chair"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Sad News There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a liquor store burglar Klutzy burglar http://www.glumbert.com/media/badrobber ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the HELL is he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery! =========================================== A Somali arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, " Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care and free education!" The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican" The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada!" The person says, "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Canada!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not Canadian!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you a Canadian?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?" The Russian lady checks her watch and says... "Probably at work!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: McAfee blocking newsletters Dear Webby: once again can you help me get back your pages. Since I downloaded McAfee Virus I can no longer get get you. I have checked my security and it is not too high. Thanks for your help. Jaye Dear Jaye VirusScan has nothing to do with that. You probably accidentally also installed their (rather flakey) spam control program. That one, by default, trashes HTML newsletters. Just un-install that "Spamkiller", and the Humor Letter will get through again. I only recommend McAfee VirusScan and McAfee FireWall, not the optional frills they sell on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 4, 2006 - Portage, Indiana - AP Employees in the city clerk's office are turning their colorful language into a little green. Since July, workers have generated about $120 by fining themselves for using profanity in the office. The money goes into a flower vase on Portage Clerk Ellen Mesich's desk, and eventually will go to buy gift cards to give to teen cancer patients at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago. Mesich had a niece who died of cancer last summer and was treated at the hospital. Mesich started the foul-mouthed fund drive. "One day I was noticing my mouth was a little foul, so I decided I should have a cuss jar," Mesich said. Fines range from a penny to $1.50, except on Monday mornings, when there's a general amnesty because, after all, it's Monday morning. Some people use IOUs or pay in advance of stressful times. Paying the fines has made some workers more watchful of their words. "I've been catching myself more at home," Deputy Clerk-Treasurer Lynn Reed said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com December Food Best Buys Buy foods that are in season and save money in December. The food best buys for December are Apples, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Chicken, Cranberries, Grapefruit, Lamb, Oranges, Oysters, Pork, Sweet Potatoes, Tangelos, Tangerines, Turkey, Turnips and Winter Squash.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day down by a river, a Baptist preacher had just baptized a young lady. A few minutes later, a drunk, non-religious man walked by the river. The preacher said to him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk replied: "Schure, I'll give it a try!" The preacher got him in the water, dipped him in and then raised him back up. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said no. The preacher again dipped him in and raised him back up. The preacher said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk again said no. The preacher dipped him and raised him up for a third time. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said, "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Martin Hi again Helmut, For what it's worth, I've used iWon.com as my home page for the last 6-7 years. It has the criteria David mentions, plus the games are fun. .....according to Spybot S&D, the few cookies are reasonable too. The iWon Today page, with the TV listings (and other things I've set up) is what I use for my actual home page.....then go to the other offerings from there. http://home.iwon.com/iwon-homepage/home ... l?SEC=bnav ------------------------------------------------------------------- From Cay Dear Webby: Your reply to David re trouble with Yahoo is fine. He might also look into Earthlink's home page. I have had it for years and it is easy to customize. Merry Christmas from Florida! CayC ------------------------------------------------------------------- From Lillemor Hi; First--I Love your daily letter.!!. Fun to see the story about the Christmas goat.Gävle,is the County seat where I was born (I'm a Proud American by choice for 50 years). "Jul Bocken" as he's called in Swedish ,helps the Swedish type of Santa to deliver the gifts,to be put under the tree by the 24th of Dec.,as that's the time for the opening of the presents. Christmas Day starts with going to church,with the earliest services starting at 6am (that's the way it use to be). Well, I sure could go on telling you about traditions.Nice memories from childhood. THANKS again for the BEST daily on the web. **MERRY CHRISTMAS**,Lillemor A.,CA
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Custom Home Page 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  December 5, 2006
======================================

The public will believe anything, so long as it is not
founded on truth.
--- Edith Sitwell

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
--- Edward Gibbon

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders
were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker
on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general
seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm
new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Showing his friend around his his home, Shayne started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael William McCabe, 45, Report sent in by Wanda Man back in jail after four minutes of freedom By Jim Schultz, Record Searchlight December 1, 2006 RED BLUFF – A Red Bluff man was arrested early this morning on suspicion of burglarizing a Tehama County Sheriff’s Department maintenance shop only minutes after being released from custody after serving a 180-day sentence for drug possession, according to Sheriff Clay Parker. Michael William McCabe, 45, is accused of stealing a cell phone and miscellaneous automobile repair items from the maintenance shop. The value of the items was estimated at $60. McCabe was released from custody around 2:36 a.m., but was rearrested about four minutes later, a news release says. McCabe entered the maintenance shop upon his release through a door that he had left unlocked in anticipation of his release, the news release said. He had previously been an inmate worker assigned to the shop to clean vehicles and assist in their maintenance. Jail staff watched the theft on a video surveillance system, which recorded the incident. He was booked into jail in lieu of $5,000 bail and will no longer be considered for the department’s inmate worker program. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her "Special Orchid". ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy. One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of a heart attack. On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery. The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything for worms?" =========================================== A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Dear Webby: For years now, I've used Yahoo.com as my home page. I liked the way the page was laid out and I like the way the links performed. Over the past 8 months or so, they have changed their home page, the email, the news, the over bearing ads, and last night I went to check my local TV listing and they've screwed up that page too. I don't care for MSN.com lay out either. Can you, or your readers, recommend some good home pages that offers, news, TV listings, weather and other stuff in an easy to use and read format? I'd like to check out a few to see what's the best out there. Thank you, David Dear David You can try the Google home page and customize it to your liking. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 3, 2006 - Gavle, Sweden - AP For 40 years it has been torched, vandalized, had its legs cut off and even been run over by a car. But officials in the Swedish city of Gavle are guaranteeing that this year's giant straw Christmas goat, the victim of Sweden's most violent yule tradition, will survive unscathed. The 43-foot-high goat a centuries-old yule symbol that preceded Santa Claus as the bringer of gifts to Swedish homes has been burned down 22 times since it was first set up in Gavle's square on Dec. 3, 1966. But for its 40th anniversary Sunday, officials think they have finally outsmarted the resourceful vandals by dousing the battered ram with flame-resistant chemicals normally used on airplanes. "It is impossible to burn it to the ground this year, although you might be able to singe its paws," said Anna Ostman, a spokeswoman for the committee in charge of building the goat. "After 40 years, we think we finally found the solution." The company providing the fireproof treatment is so sure of its resilience that its spokesman Freddy Klassmo told newspaper Aftonbladet that "not even napalm can set fire to the goat now." For those who want to follow its fate, a 24-hour Web cam has been set up to film the straw goat where it stands on the central square in Gavle, 90 miles north of Stockholm. While the origins of the Christmas goat are unclear, the symbol is believed to date back to Norse mythology and the two goats that drew the carriage of Thor, the god of thunder. Many Swedes place a small straw goat underneath their Christmas tree, or hang miniature versions on the branches. Since 1966, just 10 of Gavle's giant goats have survived beyond Christmas Day. Aside from being burned, several were beaten down and the 1976 goat was hit by a car. The vandals are seldom caught, but the 2001 culprit 51-year-old American Lawrence Jones was convicted and spent 18 days in jail.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fix Dings Before They Become Cracks Winter temperatures are tough on vehicle windshields. You can save yourself from having to replace your car windshield down the road by getting dings repaired in a timely matter. If you have comprehensive auto insurance, these repairs may be covered and they often waive your deductible so the repair in essentially free. Call your insurance to see if they have a windshield repair program.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story: The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee....." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Connie R Dear Webby Good Morning! You are absolutely correct with your reply to Richard, and I hope there's many mothers out there who read your wonderful newsletter and take heed. Have a great day. Connie
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link: Safe search engine for kids http://zoo.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: CD writer causes re-start 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 4, 2006
======================================

You can never learn less; you can only learn more.
The reason I know so much is because I have made so
many mistakes.
--- Buckminster Fuller

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Bonnie for this:

For the first pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
A post from a week ago.

For the second pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.

For the third pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And A post from a week ago.

For the forth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error Messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the fifth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the sixth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 6 disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the seventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the eighth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the ninth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels Not working
7 hours with no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.

For The tenth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
10 propositions
9 Dumb Advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago

For the eleventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
11 pieces of Spam
10 Propositions
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the twelfth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
12 reasons to unsubscribe.

Bonnie

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this story: My two brothers arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?" My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, I do." The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you and I was hoping you would say that." The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the entire group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chris Numme of Port Chester, NY Can't handle a Porsche at 30 miles per hour December 1, 2006 - PORT CHESTER, N.Y. - AP (photo below) This is one big "Uh-Ohh." A mechanic who finished doing minor bodywork on a $500,000 sports car crashed the Porsche Carrera GT into a telephone pole, while he was driving it back to the customer. Mechanic Chris Numme of Port Chester says he and a helper were in the car when he swerved to avoid a truck and lost control. Numme said he was going no faster than 30 miles per hour. He's said he's thankful he and his friend are alive. Numme had fixed a crack in the car's side at his repair shop and was returning the silver sports car to a Greenwich, Connecticut dealer when he crashed. The car’s owner is 70-year-old Robert Greenhill, an investment banker from Greenwich. The two-seater limited-edition sports car's engine boasts more than 600 horsepower. The car can accelerate from a standing start to 60 miles per hour in under four seconds. Numme said his insurance company has already located a replacement car. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this observation: My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book. For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. =========================================== A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "I fixed that dripping tap in your bath." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Buddy Re: CD drive causes a restart Dear Webby: I began to have this problem recently. When i put a disk into the CD write drive to store info or make a duplicate copy the computer shuts down immediately and restarts itself. is the drive bad or is it another problem. Thanks Buddy131j Dear Buddy Yes, I would say the drive is bad. You can try re-installing the burner software, but I have a hunch that may be a waste of time. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 1, 2006 - PR Newswire Engineers have developed a system for taking anonymous cell-phone location information and turning it into an illuminated traffic map that identifies congestion in real time.The system takes advantage of the steady stream of positioning cues--untraced signals all cell phones produce, whether in use or not, as they seek towers with the strongest signals. It is the first traffic-solution technology that monitors patterns on rural roads and city streets as easily as on highways. Developed by IntelliOne of Atlanta, Ga., the TrafficAid system could not only help guide drivers around tie-ups, but also tell emergency responders where accidents are or how effectively an evacuation is unfolding by pinpointing clusters of cell phones. "Unlike sensors and other equipment along major freeways that are expensive and take years to deploy, our system takes advantage of existing cellular networks in which wireless carriers have already invested billions of dollars," s aid National Science Foundation (NSF) awardee and IntelliOne CEO Ron Herman, a former engineer and computer scientist.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Choosing a Veterinarian When you are choosing a veterinarian, ask friends and family in your area if they have a vet they would recommend. It's important to find a vet that is good with both people and animals; someone who is willing to take time to answer any questions that you may have.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection, a baseball bat, to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness. She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department of motor vehicles and I am way past sane." The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or are you going back there?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Richard: Dear Webby, You or Deeli mentioned that "The boneheads who released the training baby into the girl's care, knowing that she was driving home with it, should be charged with attempted murder!" Since the young lady didn't have a driver's license, perhaps they could be forgiven for assuming that she would not be driving. However, the next student that they gave a similar doll to might have a valid license and a similar accident could have occurred. We do have a long term problem when some woman with a valid driver's license and a real baby are driving and the baby starts to cry. We can only hope that she doesn't drive until the baby has cried many times and she realizes that she does not have to respond immediately. I do know someone with four children between infant and 14 years old who was paying more attention to the child in the back seat than the car in front of her until it was too late to avoid an accident when that car stopped at a traffic light. Perhaps we should just keep stupid people from driving but then the stupid girl didn't have a license and should not have been driving. Maybe the answer is seatbelts and airbags for the rest of us. Richard Dear Richard maybe the answer is a LOT more chlorine in the gene pool? The whole idea of measuring the response time between a baby crying and the mother responding, is absolutely moronic to start out with! Instant response just creates a spoiled and irresponsible brat, that sooner or later winds up in jail. The ONLY action that requires an instant response, is when a sibling is throwing the crying baby out the window. Anything else can wait until it is safe to pull over to the curb. THAT is what the morons should have taught the kids, not tell them that they will be graded on how efficient they are in pointing kids towards jail. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Tassels http://www.prettyimpressivestuff.com/tassels.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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Dear Webby: Desktop Background pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  December 3, 2006
======================================

Home again!
I spent the last two days in Los Angeles attending courses
 from 7:45 am to 10 pm and scribbling notes like crazy.
Managed to get the Humor Letter out and got most of my
chores done, but some mail had to wait.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to a reader who does not want his name mentioned,
for sending this joke:

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a
really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must
be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said the
Delta Airline slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a confused look and he immediately thought
to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta Airlines."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head.
He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look.
He then removed Singapore Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."
This time the woman turned to him
"What the HELL do you want?"
The man smiled, then lay back in his chair, and said
"Ahhhhh, Royal Jordanian!"

------------------------------

Definitely not a WestJet stewardess! They seem to be the
friendliest of any airline, both in the air and on the ground.
They seem to be the grand daughters of the American Airlines
stewardesses, or great grand daughters, but they handle their
jobs with such casual efficiency and cheer that I am amazed
every time I fly. If you are lucky enough that WestJet flies to
your town, try them out!

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this joke: Three men died on Christmas Eve and weremet by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of thisholy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something thatsymbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shookthem and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulledout a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And justwhat do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carol's." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Plasanton, California Shool Irresponsible teachers teaching rsponsible parenting December 1, 2006 - Pleasanton, California - AP The perils of parenting apparently can be discovered through a classroom project. A startled 17-year-old girl swerved her car into a freeway guardrail and slammed into a pickup truck after the realistic sounding baby doll in her care suddenly began to cry. The teenager had just picked up the doll as part of a school project on responsible parenting minutes before the accident occurred Tuesday on I-580, said Steve Creel, a spokesman for the California Highway Patrol. The educational doll cries and wets itself and has a recording device that monitors how long it takes the doll's "parent" to respond to its crying. The girl, whose named was not released because of her age, was driving around 65 miles per hour in a Mini Cooper when the fake baby sprang to tears, causing her to crash into the guardrail and swerve back onto the freeway where she hit a Ford F-350 pickup truck. "When officers arrived, she was still caring for the baby," Creel said. No one was seriously injured in the crash, but the CHP will pursue charges because the girl was driving without a license, he said. ----------------------------- Cellphones are illegal to use while driving, but babysitting is OK? The boneheads who released the training baby into the girl's care, knowing that she was driving home with it, should be charged with attempted murder! That girl could have caused a major accident with dozens of people killed! ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the jewelers. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So vat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "it's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and I asked her this morning vat she vanted for her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, yust give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'" "So vat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven replied, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards." =========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat. One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car. So, the man went to the old woman and said, "I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him." "That so nice of you!", said the old woman, deeply touched. "How good are you at catching mice?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Desktop Background Dear Webby, I have a question that you may be able to help with (or not). I find tons of photos all over the internet that I love to use for our desktop background, changing it often. Most of the time they work; other times, they come out in repeat squares of the photo all over the screen rather than one very nice photo. I’ve attached 2 of those that do this; would you open them, then try to choose as background and see what happens. If you get repeats all over too, is there any chance you can tell me why? I know that with my luck, they’ll work fine for you! If that’s the case, then I give up and will just hang on to the ones I find that work and say c’est la vie. I look forward to hearing from you whenever you have time to play around. Thanks a bunch and also many thanks always for my DearWebby letter; I love them! Bonnie in NH Dear Bonnie Those pictures are too small to look nice when stretched to the entire desktop. For best results, resize pictures to whatever you have set for your screen resolution. If you have your resolution set to 1600 x 1200 (like I do), then a 400 x 300 picture would have to be stretched 4 times, and probably would look very coarse and ugly. Sometimes you can shuffle the size up in increments. Double the size, do an edge-preserving-smoothing, sharpen a bit, then increase the size again, and so on. It doesn't work with all pictures, but some may be worth trying. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 2, 2006 - Africa - AP Zenabou Nikiema smiles gratefully as she breastfeeds her two-year-old son and recalls the night a high fever shook his body until he nearly fell unconscious. "His temperature was very high late in the night and I rushed out to buy the medicine for him with the community health worker," Nikiema said. "We do not need to travel far … and the affordability of the medicine is another reason to rush for treatment." That is the simple story of how Nikiema stopped her son from being a statistic among 15,000 children who die from malaria every year in Burkina Faso - approximately one child every 30 minutes. Across sub-Saharan Africa, the mosquito-borne illness claims one million lives annually, according to the United Nations. The medicine Nikiema bought for her son is subsidised by a Burkinabe pilot project called Home Malaria Management (HMM), which aims to curb high malaria death rates among children by providing medicine to community clinics for 100-200 CFA (US 10 - 20 cents) Normally, the drugs cost up to 4,500 CFA (US $9) in pharmacies for a full course treatment.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pets Require and Time and Money
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From another reader who wants to NOT have her name mentioned: Hi Webby How are you and yours? I loved the 'story' about the "George and Dragon", still laughing because I know which "George and Dragon" pub that is in England it's in West Wycombe Buckinghamshire, and yes George probably would have been the 'best bet' I'm sending the story on to some friends who 'frepuent' that particular pub, they'll laugh too. Regards ***** (who should remain nameless if you print this for obvious reasons. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Carla Marriott Hotels have also a policy now of no smoking in any of their hotels. --------------- I guess emptying the odd ash tray would be too much like customer service.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby:  

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Saturday,  December 1, 2006
======================================


 "Enthusiasm is that secret and harmonious spirit 
 which hovers over the production of genius."   
— Isaac Disraeli  


======================================
Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist
season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed
on a previous trip to the city.


Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said,
"You know, it's been over five years since I first came in
here."


"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied
the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve
one table at a time."


===========================================


  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail




Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur December 1, 2006 - Conyers, Georgia - CBS News A man has been arrested after allegedly trying to force his estranged wife into an oven on Thanksgiving in front of their five children. Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur, has been charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, cruelty to children and possession of marijuana after the Nov. 23 incident, said Sgt. Jodi Shupe of the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office. Jackson and his 29-year-old wife, who have been separated since July, have five children ranging in age from 1 to 13 years old, Shupe said. Jackson apparently started fighting with his wife after she and the children returned to their Conyers home on Thanksgiving. At one point during the fight, Jackson allegedly attempted to stuff his wife inside the kitchen oven, which had been left on to heat the house, Shupe said. The woman escaped and went to the sheriff's office with visible head injuries, Shupe said. Investigators found Jackson hiding under a bed at his mother's house in Decatur, where he had been living since the separation, Shupe said. =========================================== A bonehead award also goes to Westin Hotels, who have decided it is more profitable not to allow the dumb suckers, who accidentally booked into their facilities because of seminars or courses, to allow smoking privileges anywhere in their building. They are not interested in customer service or in what their customers want. They never come back a second time anyway. =========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture:. =========================================== The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Transfer files to XP machine Hi Webby I have gotten help from you before and it is always good. Now I just bought a new computer W/ XP and need to transfer many old pics. and music and some data. Can I just burn data cd"s with all the stuff that I want to transfer and then put that info. in the new computer? I have not yet put the new computer in use and am waiting to see if this will work. Thanks for the timely info I just bought it yesterday and today I finally got to the e-mail.. Thanks again. Ron Dear Ron Yes, that will definitely work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 30, 2006 - Centralia, Washington - AP Esther Medley of Centralia is legally blind, but when she bowls she can glimpse a bit of the floor to line up with the lane. Medley, 94, can't see straight ahead, so her 86-year-old husband Ralph tells her which pins are left after her first ball. That's how Medley recently bowled a score of 244, which included eight strikes, at Fairway Lanes in Centralia. It was the second-highest score of the year for her league. The Medleys have been bowling in the senior league since 1979.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Daily tips will return on Sunday
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Truk Lagoon http://snipurl.com/13wc0
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Best IM 

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Friday,  December 1, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to support the troops
======================================


Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned
by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
-- Hector Berlioz


yeah, happens to writers too.


======================================
Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


Three elderly ladies named Penelope, Maude and Gladys were
sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a
flasher approached from across the park.


The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them
and opened his trench coat.


Penelope immediately had a stroke.


Gladys also had a stroke.


But Maude, being older and more feeble,
couldn't reach that far ....


===========================================


  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail




Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man, 45, from Stratford, Connecticut Man stopped to smoke crack during police chase A US thief was arrested after he repeatedly stopped during a police pursuit to smoke crack. Police say the man, 45, from Stratford, Connecticut, had been driving a stolen car in Bridgeport. The chase began after he attempted to pay for petrol with cards belonging to the car owner. With police on their way, he abandoned the car and ran off on foot, reports the Connecticut Post. After climbing over a fence, he stopped to smoke crack before running off again, officers say. He headed off through the local seaport, and went to stand on a boat - where he had another crack break. The man was still on the boat smoking crack when officers apprehended him. =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic! As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health! =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this: If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 10,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 10,000 for the same period. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: If these statistics are true, the U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: Safe IM Dear Webby, What is the safest Instant Messenger these days? Renee Dear Renee Skype is the most advanced and with it's secure encryption the safest Instant Messenger. It is also the most reliable IM. We have used Skype for tech Support for over two years now and have never had any problem with it. Have FUN! DearWebby. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Driver survives 700ft fall A Croatian man escaped almost unhurt after crashing 700ft down the side of a canyon in his car and landing in a tree. Cedo Jerbic was left with only a few bruised ribs after losing control of his Skoda Octavia on the Velebit mountain, driving off the road into a canyon. His car hit the rock wall of the deep gully twice before getting caught in the branches of a tree on the canyon floor 700ft below. Jerbic used his mobile phone to call rescue services who pulled him out of the car. Doctors who examined him said that apart from bruising to his chest he was unhurt. Jerbic told them that he had been wearing his seatbelt and during the fall the car's airbags had inflated, protecting him from serious injury.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Daily tips will return on Sunday
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Peanut Butter Lovers http://www.peanutbutterlovers.com/
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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DearWebby: Fancy email Link 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  November 30, 2006
======================================

One of the hardest things to teach a child is that the truth is
more important than the consequences.
-- O.A. Battista

Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on
in a newspaper.
-- Thomas Jefferson

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Ann for this story:

The Newfie saw the sign at the restaurant.
It read: "Happy hour special:  Lobster Tail & Beer."
"Laird 'Tunderin' Jaises ! ..." he says to himself,
"Me tree fav'rite 'tings".

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to David K for this warning: This is the season for this theft. If you buy gift cards as gifts to people, read this. Well, the crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance. If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack that has various store cards you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store and then wait a few days and call to see how much of a balance they have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", and then they go online and start shopping. You may want to purchase your cards from a customer service person, where they do not have the Gift Cards viewable to the public. http://www.wave3.com/global/story.asp?s=5744244 ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Sibindana, 27 in Vereeniging, South Africa Stubborn Scott November 28, 2006 - Vereeniging, South Africa - Agence France-Presse A young South African was fined by a local court for taking time off from work and trying to cover it with a fake gynecologist's certificate attesting he was pregnant and needed a week off. A magistrate's court in Vereeniging, near Johannesburg, fined 27-year-old Charles Sibindana 1000 rand ($180) for the brazen forgery, the SAPA news agency reported. Sibindana stole a medical certificate from a health centre used by his pregnant girlfriend, but was apparently unaware that only women consulted gynecologists. Magistrate Bruno Van Eeden warned Sibindana “not to walk around faking sick letters from gynecologists”. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture:. Cheap wedding dress: 6 rolls for $2.95 some assembly required. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== "Darling," he panted, "after making love I doubt if I'll ever be able to get over you, so would you mind answering the phone?" =========================================== One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a plain pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada . He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Fancy email link Dear Webby, I have a question about email and html. I know how to make a link in html for people to click on to bring up an email to send to you, but is there a way to also automatically add the subject? So in my webpage I would have the link so when they click on it it opens their email program and automatically puts in my email address in the To field, but I would like to know if there is a way to make the subject field fill in automatically as well. I checked around in the html tutorial that you have a link to (which proved to be very useful in building the rest of my webpage) but I did not see anything about adding the subject to emails. So if that is even possible, how would I do it? Thanks, Chris Dear Chris That is no problem at all! mailto:santa@webby.com?bcc= &subject=Report%20For%20This%20week &body=Been%20 good%20again.%0D%0AReally! Paste those 3 lines together into one, unbroken line, without any empty spaces in it. That fills out the main addresses santa@webby.com and a BCC address name@domain.com and the subject and the body. That's all there is to it. Since the desktop is basically just an HTML page, you can even make a shortcut and paste that into the run line. If you put a group address into the BCC, that makes it really easy to send a letter to a team or entire address book category. For real fun, prepare a shortcut like that, on your secretary's or your spouse's machine, with her confiding her undying love and wicked lust for the fax machine (or somebody), and change the icon of the shortcut to the same as the one used for the word processor. Get ready for some very loud noise when she or he catches on! You can make the body text as long as you want, just don't leave any empty spaces. Instead of spaces use %20. Have FUN! DearWebby PS. The email in the example is the same as the one that the Humor Letter is sent to. Everybody will see THEIR own address there, ready to use. Don't worry, nobody else will see your address. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 29, 2006 - Logan, Utah - Salt Lake City Tribune Jail inmates are spending hours knitting caps, blankets and booties for children around the world. ''We might all be criminals,'' said David Evans, 25, of Blackfoot, Idaho, ''but some of us have big hearts.'' The pastime at the Cache County Jail in northern Utah began about two years ago. The handmade crafts go to a group called Save the Children or to humanitarian efforts organized by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Inmates have knitted more than 300 hats this year, about half with matching booties. They also have stitched mittens and small blankets.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pets Require and Time and Money The old saying goes "Pets are for life, not for Christmas". If you are planning on getting or giving a pet as a gift, make sure to take into account all the fees and time commitments that are associated with feeding, training and providing medical care for the pet.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Teddy D hi, sorry to bother you, but i haven't received my humor letter in a about a week now, something i always look forward to each morning. is ther something wrong? thank you Teddy D. Dear Teddy That's the price you pay for the privilege of being called "that silly yahoo". If you want reliable mail, you will have to get a more reliable address. These days even AOL is more reliable than Yahoo. Just have a look at the Sniveling Ninnie awards for the last half year! I would recommend that you get yourself a gmail address from Google. That's the most reliable of all the free email addresses, and better than most of the paid for ones. If you want a referral to gmail, let me know and I'll generate one for you instantly. Whenever the Sniveling Ninnies at Yahoo censor your Humor Letter, you can always browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what I had sent to you. Previous days are archived at http://webby.com/humor/blog Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Locked files 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  November 29, 2006
======================================

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
-- Dave Barry

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices
have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to David for this story:
"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.  "It ain't
my fault," Miss Crabtree.
"You can blame this on my dad.
The reason I'm three hours late?  Dad sleeps nights in the raw!"

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some
odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that,
despite her mounting fears.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth,
little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always
told the truth.

"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here
lowdown coyote. The last Few nights he done et six hens and
killed Ma's best milk goat.

And last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen,
he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again,
I'm a gonna git him!'"

"'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!'
He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!
To the hen house he c
rawled, just like an Injun on the snoop.

Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the
coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his
mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come
asneakin' up behind Dad.  Then we all looked on plumb
helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'."

"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three
o'clock this mornin'!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Barry for this story: A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed? "Breast-fed,"she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doct or ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a home owner in Stoneyburn, Scotland Stubborn Scott November 22, 2006 - UK - The Scotsman A man whose house was partially destroyed after a double-decker bus crashed into it is refusing to move out. The man, who has asked not to be named, was in his house in Cannop Crescent, Stoneyburn, on Friday night when the bus, which was carrying six passengers, crashed through the front of the building at 10pm. The 50-year-old, who is thought to have lived there for around five months, was unhurt as he was in a room at the back of the house at the time. But the accident has totally destroyed the front of the house. It now resembles a building site, with bricks replaced by blue tarpaulin and the garden full of debris. Without the front of the house to protect him from traffic, his room was fully exposed. Despite the damage, the man has surprised his neighbours, who at first feared he had been killed in the incident, by turning down an offer to stay in the bed and breakfast just next door to his house. Carol Gray runs the Eisenach B&B next door to him and offered him a room, which he refused. She said: "I offered him a bed on the Friday night, but he said he would prefer to stay in his own house." Recalling the accident, she said: "I had just gone to bed. I was lying there and I could hear this rumbling. "Then I heard screaming and pulled the curtains back - it was just amazing to see the bus in the side of the house." But she claimed it was only a matter of time before such an accident occurred. "Although I was shocked, in a way I wasn't because I knew one day something like this would happen." It was a sentiment echoed by other residents, who are terrified someone could be killed by drivers who speed around the "dangerous bend". It is thought the driver of the First bus on Friday night lost control on black ice after going round the bend. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dack in Thailand for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Three nurses arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of lives. "OK", he says, "Come on in!" The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he, too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter lets him in, too. St. Peter asks the third nurse the same question. She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the insurance company. St. Peter replies, "OK. Come on in. But you can only stay three days." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this story: An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: "Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said..."Let the old fart dig. I had him buried upside down." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hilary Re: Locked files Dear Webby, I have a new computer and the files from the old computer have been copied over but I cannot open them - you have just made a suggestion about that one. However I keep getting messages from Yahoo Broadband to say it has a problem with Microsoft and to tell Microsoft about it!! Best wishes from England, it is still mild over here. Hilary Dear Hilary Right-click c:\ (Local Drive) in the File Explorer and take the checkmark off the READ ONLY option. It's -25 here right now and the Ice-Age freaks lord it over the Global Warming freaks. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - Fort Wayne, Indiana - AP Zookeepers let a male orangutan pick the name for his offspring by marking one of two possible names with a paintbrush. The father, Tengku, picked Dumadi as the name for the baby orangutan, Fort Wayne Children's Zoo officials said. The 4½-pound male baby was the first orangutan born at the zoo. His mother, Sayang, died after giving birth Oct. 22. Zookeepers decided to let the father _ who has used a paintbrush to create pictures that sell at zoo fundraisers and to pick stocks in a business contest dabble at name choosing. They set out two pieces of paper, one with the name Sayku and one with the name Dumadi. The primate rejected Sayku and picked Dumadi, which means ''becoming'' in an Indonesian language, zookeeper Angie Baldwin said. Dumadi weighs about 5 pounds and likely will not be paired with a foster mother until age 6 months. ''He's doing really well,'' Baldwin said. ''He's eating like a champ.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Programmable Thermostat Gone for the most the day? Program your thermostat to heat your home to a lower temperature when you are not around or sleeping. If your home does not have a thermostat with these capabilities, you can buy one for less than $50 at your local hardware store and they are relatively easy to install. They are REALLY easy to install if you can tell the four basic colors apart. Where it can get tricky is with the programming. You may have to read the instructions! Typical 7 day programmable thermostats come with two setbacks, one for "sleep" and one for "away". Try setting the "sleep" setback to 5 degrees and "away" for 10 degrees. You can always change those settings, but those are good for a start. Then punch in the setback start times and end times for each weekday. That's all there is to it. A Hunter 7-day Energy Star currently lists at $33. If your heating bill is over $100 a month, you will save that in the first month. You can buy it over the net from many different merchants. Highly recommended DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through my line must have been aware of store policy. She pointed to the lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Manin Dear Webby: Today´s Humor Letter made me roar with laughter. Thanks for such good medicine. Some days, like today, the Humor Letter is just too good to be true. Thank you! Manin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Movie a minute http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What to do about scams 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  November 28, 2006
======================================

Holding anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of
throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
--- The Buddha

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

My mother and I were walking down the street when a man
stopped us.
"I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too
much sex  in movies?"
"I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband,
stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the
film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Kati for this story: This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them all back in." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to November 24, 2006 - Santiago, Chile - The Scotsman Mapuche Indians in Chile are trying to take the global software giant Microsoft to court in a legal battle which raises the question of whether anyone can ever "own" the language they speak. The row was sparked by Microsoft's decision last month to launch its Windows software package in Mapuzugun, a Mapuche tongue spoken by around 400,000 indigenous Chileans. At the launch in the town of Los Sauces, Microsoft said it wanted to help Mapuches to embrace the digital age and "open a window so the rest of the world can access the cultural riches of this indigenous people". But Mapuche tribal leaders have accused the US company of violating their cultural and collective heritage by translating the software into Mapuzugun without their permission. They sent a letter to Bill Gates, the Microsoft founder, accusing his company of "intellectual piracy". "We feel like Microsoft and the Chilean education ministry have overlooked us by deciding to set up a committee to study the issue without our consent, our participation and without the slightest consultation," said Aucan Huilcaman, one of the Mapuche leaders behind the legal action. Microsoft declined to comment on the case, saying they could not do so until it is legally resolved. A judge in Santiago is due to decide in the next two weeks whether the company has a case to answer. "If they rule against us we will go to the Supreme Court, and if they rule against us there we will take our case to a court of human rights," said Lautaro Loncon, a Mapuche activist. The case has sparked comment on internet blogs. Many Chileans appear to feel it is absurd for the Mapuche to claim the intellectual rights to their language, and say the Indians should be pleased to see it used on the worldwide web. ----------------------- The Mapuche speak many dialects and have a few diffferent graphemaries (semi-symbolic alphabets). It seems that the Chilean government and Microsoft picked the one that is used by the silent majority, instead of the one favored by a few noisy, Cuban and US Democrat supported activists. It is very unlikely that the Chilean government will back down or that Microsoft will produce a second Mapuchi version of Windows, but the noisy activists will probably get a lot of money from bleeding heart do-gooders all over the world. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for these pictures. Actually he sent me even more, but I just combined the best 8 into one. The Chinese are masters in combining photography and martial arts stances for efficient aerobic exercises. Thanks to Chenli in Chongqing, China for helping me translate the caption for the picture. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Chuck for this story: One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat. "What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls," she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. "My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't," she added "Well, yes they do..." I said cautiously. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment. Then she piped up again. "That's how girls know that boys are boys," she said. "They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy." I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. "Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?" My palms were beginning to sweat. "Um...well..." I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?" Well, I didn't know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn't asked herself that question at least once? "Oh, well...um..." I stammered. She didn't wait for my answer. She had her own. "It's cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that's when they know they are boys and that's when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked." That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things. As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. "I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?" I wasn't sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down. There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud. She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it - and I did - she got over her pique. That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I'm not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven't looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: A widowed lady, Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel in Miami Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, spread his blanket on the sand nearby, and had begun reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?" "Fine, thank you" he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" Sarah asked. "First time since my wife passed away last year" he replied, and again turned back to his book. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Suntree" he answered, and resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life! As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied "How did you know my name is Katz?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: What to do about a scam? Dear Webby, My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful. She also suggested you might be able to answer a question for me. This morning I received a spam message from "someone" purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam (i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.). It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message to and they can stop it?? Thank you. Linda Dear Linda That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or "Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do is send it to the US Secret Service. US Secret Service Financial Crimes Division 950 H Street N.W. Suite 5300 Washington, DC 20223 Phone: (202) 406-5850 Fax: (202) 406-5031 419.fcd@usss.treas.gov The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even though this scam costs Americans over 100 Million Dollars a year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how many more people fall for that same old scam each year. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos 'Give Santa the sack - he's not the real thing' ALLAN HALL IN BERLIN GERMANS and Austrians are uniting against a kindly old man who brings joy to children all over the world. Their call: Ban Santa. Campaigners in both countries claim Santa is an invention of the Coca-Cola company in the United States and should be ditched. In Austria, "Pro Christkind" - it means "For Christ Child" - want images of the baby Jesus and St Nicholas to replace the white-wigged, portly old man dressed in Coc Cola colors, who they see as symbolic of the commercialisation of Christmas. Their campaign, with a logo featuring a picture of Santa with a red line through him, begins on 2 December, the day before the first Sunday in Advent, at an event where traditional Christmas wreaths are made. Thousands of "Santa Free Zones" stickers have been printed and pamphlets have been handed out reminding people that the traditional bringer of presents is St Nicholas. There are even kits on sale with stickers to turn chocolate Santas into St Nicholas. An internet campaign is urging people in Switzerland, Germany and Austria to sign up to promote activities that support a traditional Christmas and not the Santa-led celebrations that have appeared in recent years. In some places, such as the east Austrian town of St Wolfgang, Santa has even been banned from the local Christmas market and shopkeepers have been restricted to offering traditional Austrian products and gifts as well as typical local culinary delights. Bettina Schade, of the Frankfurter Nicholas Initiative, said: "We object to the material things, the hectic rush to buy gifts and the ubiquity of the bearded man in the red suit taking away from the core meaning of Christmas. "The Christian origins of Christmas, like the birth of Jesus, have receded into the background. It's becoming more and more a festival that is reduced to simply worldly gifts and commerce." A Swedish-American artist, Haddon Sundblom, created the jolly Santa character for Coke and it was used in advertising campaigns in the 1930s and 40s. He was based on a previous figure produced for Harper's Weekly in the 19th century by Thomas Nast, a German immigrant to the US. ------------------------- I'll give you some additional background here. In Europe, the US is not generally represented by red, white and blue, but by a red Coca Cola button. Red, white and blue, that's the military that cratered the cities in WWII, but the Coca Cola button traditionally represented commerce and rebuilding and hope, a much friendlier icon. I remember, in the sixties, when the race for the moon was still on, there was this cartoon showing the moon in one frame. In the next frame, a Russian rocket was stuck in it. Third frame had an American rocket stuck in it beside it.. Fourth frame had a Russian cosmonaut painting the moon Russian red. Fifth frame had an American Astronaut painting Coca Cola in white onto the red moon. Then Europe was rooting for the US. But now, with their muddled attempts to find a European identity, the white wigged Coca Cola man (Santa) may find his entry into European folklore barred.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Answering Machine for New Baby Info With a new baby, you can spend a lot of time fielding calls from family members when you would rather just be relaxing. One thing you can do is leave a message on your answering machine giving the baby's name, weight, gender, and it's date and time of birth. Ask people to leave a message so you can call them back at a later date. That way you can rest and they can get the information they want about your new arrival.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story: The Wrong Side of the Bed Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning, Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today." "Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you." But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day." "Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me." Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Beverly Hi Dear Webby, My cousin just forwarded this email to me and I was wondering if it is true or somebody's flaky idea of screwing up everybody's else's computer. Mostly I know just enough about my PC to be dangerous, but I do know that any time you put ".exe" in a command line, something is going to happen! Setting up a shortcut of this nature might be nice, but not if its a hoax of some sort!!! I know that if anybody will know the truth about this, it is you! Thanks in advance, Beverly Right-click on your desktop Choose "New" then choose "Shortcut" In the command line that appears type (or paste) control.exe appwiz.cpl Give it a name (whatever you like) - we called ours "Remove Programs" Click "Finish" and you're done Now you have a one-click way to access your Add/Remove Programs applet without doing all those clicks. It's easier on your wrist and faster too! Dear Beverly That trick is perfectly OK. You are just calling a program that is already part of Windows, not downloading some weird and strange file from Russia. Another handy shortcut that you can make in exactly the same fashion is a call for the file explorer, already pre-set to the root of your C: drive: Paste this into the run line: explorer.exe c:\ Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link: Recipe Spin http://www.recipespin.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: pre-size Windows 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 27, 2006
======================================

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
--- Jules de Gaultier

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and
action, where it often substitutes for both.
--- John Andrew Holmes,

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Ann for this story:
An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the
long line for judgment.  As she stood there, she noticed that some
souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into
heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into
the burning pit.  But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul
into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side.

 After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the
 best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing.
 "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for
 judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those
people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

 "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan.
"They're all from Vancouver, they're too wet to burn!"

----------------------------
I bet he also had a pile for the people from Seattle!

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie, a certified blonde *, for tis story: A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. _____________ * Only certified blondes are allowed to tell blonde jokes in the Humor Letter ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Fort Worth, Texas drunks November 25, 2006 - Fort Worth, Texas - AP A bloody brawl erupted outside a tavern when one customer stabbed another for failing to wash his hands after using the mens room. One man was hospitalised in Fort Worth, Texas, while another was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== There is one way to permanently stop that ringing in the ears, from not wearing hearing protection! ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, I made 4 links one quarter there size--- Had all four show on my desktop at once--- was neat--- except now--- almost every thing I open--- opens to one quarter its size and I have to click maximize. You had a tech tip once that dealt with just that problem--- did not need it so I deleted it- Webby, where I go to click open all windows in full screen?? Thanks so much for all your help. Jaye Dear Jaye Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - RPI Every day, the sun bathes the planet in energy--free of charge--yet few systems can take advantage of that source for both heating and cooling. Now, researchers are making progress on a thin-film technology that adheres both solar cells and heat pumps onto surfaces, ultimately turning walls, windows, and maybe even soda bottles into climate control systems. On July 12, 2006, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI) researcher Steven Van Dessel and his colleagues will announce their most recent progress--including a computer model to help them simulate the climate within their test structure atop the RPI Student Union--at the Solar 2006 Conference in Denver, Colo. For 4 years, the researchers have been working on their prototype Active Building Envelope (ABE) system. Comprised of solar panels, solid-state, thermoelectric heat pumps and a storage device to provide energy on rainy days (literally), the ABE system accomplishes the jobs of both cooling and heating, yet operates silently with no moving parts. NSF is supporting the team to determine if a microscale version of the technology will function effectively. -------------------------- It functions quite OK. I experimented with that 20 years ago in the arctic. There is only one serious problem with it: It takes about 300 years to pay for itself, and the solid state heat pumps are only guaranteed for one year. Small scale applications have been available in the form of 12 Volt solid state picnic coolers for the last 10 years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Headphones The most important thing to consider when buying headphones isn't how they sound, but how they feel in your ears. If they aren't comfortable, you won't want to use them in the first place. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to try on earphones at the store before buying them. Be sure to ask the store manager if the ear phones can be returned if you try them out and they are too uncomfortable.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Carol Dear Webby, An unusual request... http://www.theshipsproject.com/home.htm offers free patterns for simple knit and crocheted caps for our soldiers. Caps that fit under their helmets and slippers are most in demand. Would you please post this site? Many thanks. Carol From Martin, re yesterday's Thumb Drives Just read the Staples ad in the Sunday paper. Sony 1GB USB Flash Drive....$19.98 Geez.....my first computer was $1300, complete with a 540mb hd and 5.25 floppy. I remain astounded these days. Martin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Thumb Drive 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  November 26, 2006
======================================

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
--- Victor Borge

Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
--- Henry David Thoreau

Why not go out on a limb--that's where all the fruit is!
--- Mark Twain

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200
to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out
of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the
operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad,
"I need to borrow two hundred dollars."

At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you,
son, I think there may be a bad line."

The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!"

"Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father.

The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him
perfectly."

The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some
money!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== You Know You're a Redneck When 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different night. 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch this." 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare. 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines." 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Phillip Dale Williams, 37, of Lynchburg, Virginia Too many wives November 22, 2006 - Lynchburg, Virginia - AP A man who dresses up as a giant cigarette and uses hip-hop music to encourage children in Lynchburg and beyond to avoid smoking pleaded guilty Tuesday to bigamy. Phillip Dale Williams, 37, had as many as four wives at the same time, Chuck Felmlee, deputy commonwealth's attorney, said. Williams' fourth wife, Lashawn Stevenson, became suspicious earlier this year when her husband began receiving child support notices in the mail. When the couple wed in 2003, he told her he had never been married, Felmlee said. Stevenson's investigation led her to a Vallejo, Calif., woman, Antoinette Borum, who told Stevenson Williams left her in 2002 with two children and no child support. When Stevenson confronted Williams, he told her he had married Borum and two other women before her, Felmlee said. Williams told police he divorced the first wife, but not the second or Borum. Police haven't been able to contact the first two wives, Felmlee said. Williams was known locally for playing "Douglas 'Dude' Cigarette," a character he created in 1996. He has performed in about a dozen states. Williams faces up to 10 years in prison when he is sentenced March 9. He did not live with more than one woman at a time, but depriving poor divorce lawyers of their fees is a very serious crime in the US. ===========================================
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=========================================== What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. ===========================================
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=========================================== Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Belinda Re: Transferring files Dear Webby, There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention: Thumbdrives! They work even for blondes like me! They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it. Sneaker-Net works! Belinda Dear Belinda You are 100% right. And the price of them has come down quite nicely. A SanDisk Cruzer Micro 1GB USB Flash Drive lists for $24 at pricegrabber. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 24, 2006 - Wigan, UK - The Scotsman The world pie-eating championship in Wigan has been hit by new rules to please the health lobby. Instead of a race to eat as many pies as possible, entrants will compete to eat one in the fastest time. ------------ I have a hunch that the real pie eating champs and spectators will ignore the politically correct speed eating contest, and have the "real" event in the next village over.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Children's Books on Tape If you have children or grandchildren a neat gift you can make is a book on tape. Tape yourself reading a children's book. Include announcements about when to turn the page. Then give the tape or CD, along with the book as a Christmas present.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand. The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that that mangy mutt out of his misery." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and take it easy when I turn purple."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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