Dear Webby: Clean House 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 16, 2006
======================================

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more,
do more and become more, you are a leader.
— John Quincy Adams

Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
--- Charles McCabe

-------------------
There sure seem to be a lot of "artists" out there!

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He
took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the
hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer
drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the
man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold
the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service
station.

The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know
why you are in that place."

The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being
stupid."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Rose for this story: While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new laptop and told her that when he was a kid, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of the school next door. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "WOW! How big was the mouse?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown, Ohio Wrong way to shop December 13, 2006 - Liberty, Ohio - AP A grocery store manager was struck in the head with a 10-pound sack of potatoes by a customer angry about having to wait in line, police say. Police in Liberty, near Youngstown in northeast Ohio, say a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown is suspected in the attack. Scott Renzenbrink, 45, told police a clerk having problems with a customer called him to the register. The customer told him she was upset about the wait and struck the manager in the back of head with the potatoes when he was walking away after the conversation, according to police. A witness followed the woman out to the parking lot and took down her license plate number. Renzenbrink, who was not seriously hurt in the attack last Thursday, identified the woman by a Bureau of Motor Vehicles photo. He may file assault charges. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture, rubbing it in that they have very little snow in Florida. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" the judge asked. "Yes, your honor." The judge looked at the petition. "I can, ummm, see why, ummm, Mr. Leon . . . Birdbrain, is it?" "Yes, your honor, that's correct." "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr., ummm, Birdbrain?" "Jim, your honor." =========================================== An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like this: 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!' ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Peter Re: VISA versus PayPal Dear Webby, I tried to order above ebook. Do I have to pay with PayPal - I do not have an account them? I can pay with VISA? Thanks, Peter Dear Peter Yes, sure you can use VISA or Mastercard. Through the PayPal cart you can pay with VISA or Mastercard. I realize now that Malta's banking laws currently only allow you to have a Receive-only account, and that you can't use your PayPal account for paying, but you can still use any PayPal shopping cart and pay with your credit card in it. If you have any problems, you can also order the e-book through the Webby shopping cart. The shortcut to that e-book is http://webby.com/cbp http://webby.com/cbp Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Grand Forks, North Dakota - AP A thrift store worker checking donated items found nearly $7,000 in a coat pocket and money belt, police say. "I guess I was shocked," said Shirley Meagher, who works at the Home Place Thrift Store in Grand Forks. Meagher, who has worked part time at the thrift store since September, said she occasionally finds strange objects mixed in with donations. On Monday, she found a can of soup. Tuesday's find was an eye-opener. "I was sorting through some donations and came across a belt that looked unusual," she said. "It looked awfully thick." Meagher remembered hearing that some belts had zippers so their owners could hide money, so she checked the donated belt a little closer. She found a zipper, opened it and pulled out a bunch of $100 bills. She contacted her boss, Prairie Harvest executive director Debra Johnson, who decided to notify police. Meagher said she started sorting through other items that arrived with the belt, to try to find the person who donated it, and found more money in a coat. The total amount in the coat and the belt came to nearly $7,000. Police said they would keep the money until it can be returned to the family of the coat's owner, Gary Beaton, who died last month. His relatives live out of the state, police Lt. Jim Remer said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Folding Chair Bags For Storing Wrapping Paper If you don't keep your collapsible (camping) chairs in the pouch they came in you can store your rolls of wrapping paper in them. It keeps light and dust from ruining the rolls of paper. By Sandy
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" "Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded, "we could clean the house."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Vancouver Parks http://members.shaw.ca/panthers6/MainPage.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Missing Mime 

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 15, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

I have often been afraid, but I would not give in to it.
I made myself act as though I was not afraid and
gradually my fear disappeared."
--- Theodore Roosevelt

Once the game is over,
the King and the pawn go back in the same box.
--- Italian Proverb

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:
Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it.
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last
journey comfortable.

They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.

Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift
the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and
before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down
to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us
some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her
face said, "Don't sell that cow."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 57 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station. Indiana Wrong way to shop December 12, 2006 -Merrillville, Indiana - AP Instead of impressing "Honey Bunny" on Christmas morning with a 42-inch plasma television, "Big Papa" is facing a charge of theft. Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station, was charged Monday with stealing the TV and a Sleep Number bedding system from a hotel where he worked as a security officer. Security video showed Perez walking into a room at the Radisson Hotel on Nov. 29 with an empty luggage cart, then leaving minutes later with a full cart covered with cloth, Merrillville police Detective Donald Toth said. Police said they searched Perez's Lake Station home Friday and found the Sleep Number system installed on Perez's bed and the TV underneath the tree, wrapped in green, Santa-themed paper. The attached card was addressed to "Mom, Honey Bunny from Big Papa, Daddy," Toth said. Perez, who has been fired from his hotel job, was released Monday after posting a $10,000 surety bond. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Decked out with a big Christmas tree on the locomotive and 200,000 LED lights on its freight cars, The CPR Holiday Train provides high class entertainment in exchange for food and donations for foodbanks. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== THE IMPORTANCE OF USING CORRECT EMAIL ADDRESSES A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules, it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an email back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the email without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she shrieked, fainted, and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Already Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! =========================================== Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be messing with my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: Not receiving pictures properly Dear Webby Just today, 12/14/2006, I viewed an email with images in it, and forwarded to my son - He only received ONE of the images at the end of a page or two of gibberish! The one image that he received was in my attached folder. So I went back to the original message to forward him the images and they had ALL changed to red Xs in little boxes! I use Eudora 7.0.1.0 to up/download my mail to/from comcast.net - So where did these images go? Dear George With Eudora you specify the location of your attachment folder. All pictures wind up either in the attachment folder, or in the Embedded folder. Exceptions are pictures that are linked to the source, the way I do with the Humor Letter. Those pictures can always be retrieved from there, and no file transfer is required between you and your recipient. For example, if you forward the Humor Letter to your son, only the links to the pictures are sent, and his mail program then retrieves the pictures from my server. What happened in your case is that most likely you sent an HTML page, but your son did not have MIME turned on or enabled in his mail program. That is why he saw pages of gibberish, the pictures in binary form. Once he turns on MIME, he should receive your pictures OK. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Omaha, Nebraska - AP While many Christmas trees sparkle with tinsel and lights during the holiday season, some reek of fox urine or wear a splatter of pink stain. A surge in Christmas tree poaching has forced growers and property owners to take action. Smelly, discolored trees are less likely to be cut and dragged off by thieves. At the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, for example, evergreens are sprayed with a fox urine mixture and tagged with a warning to discourage tree thieves. "It is a strong odor, and it smells just like what it is," said Kirby Baird, a landscape manager at the school. When the tree is out in the cold, the smell isn't noticeable, Baird said. But once the tree is inside and starts to warm up... "It's nasty," he said. Tree poaching once was a problem at Washington State University, which has more than 150 evergreen, spruce and fir trees on campus. "We did have a lot of trees cut for Christmas trees, either entire small trees or tops of large trees," said grounds supervisor Kappy Brun. The poaching all but stopped after groundskeepers began to spray campus trees with the oily, odorous liquid produced by skunks. While Nebraska and Washington fought tree poachers with odor, Cornell University made their trees less appealing as Christmas decorations. Workers there painted trees with "ugly mix" — a solution of hydrated lime and red food coloring developed by one of Cornell's veteran gardeners. The result: fluorescent pink trees. The mix stays on trees for about a month before fading, and is credited with saving dozens of evergreens over the years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop for Gifts at the Dollar Store This year when Christmas shopping, consider buying gifts as well as decorative items from your local dollar store. I went into our dollar store yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised at the amount of decorative items as well as gift items available - and at such a reasonable price! By Robin
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
WHERE YA FROM ? A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?'' ''Sam,'' the man moaned. ''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked. ''The balcony.'' ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Liked the clock link, but I dug a little further and there are a series of clock screen savers here http://beeks.eu/Screensaver.htm some are pretty cute. Chuck ------------------------------- Hi there and very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yous. Your great newsletter keeps us all in a good mood and everyone I talked to seems to entoy it. I certainly do. Keep up the good work. Cathy
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Tow To Go 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  December 14, 2006
======================================

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
--- Henry Stimson

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up
- they have no holidays.
--- Henny Youngman

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied
himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he
was.  On one occasion he is supposed to have interested
himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted
through it so that he might speak to the prisoners.  One after
the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him,
bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter
innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.
"You," he called.  "You there."

The prisoner looked up.  "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty.  I deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once.  I will not
have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the
splendid innocent people who occupy it."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?" Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chesterfield County school officials in Virginia Illegal Art December 13, 2006 - Richmond, Virginia - AP To hear the students tell it, Stephen Murmer is a fun, popular art teacher who is always quick to crack a joke. But there is another side to Murmer. A side that has agitated school officials and resulted in his suspension. A side that focuses, almost entirely, on the crack in his backside. Outside of class and under an alter ego, the self-proclaimed "butt-printing artist" creates floral and abstract art by plastering his posterior and genitals with paint and pressing them against canvas. His cheeky creations sell for hundreds of dollars. This has not gone over well with Chesterfield County school officials, who placed Murmer on administrative leave from his job at Monacan High School. Murmer contacted the American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia after he was suspended on Friday, ACLU legal director Rebecca Glenberg said. He told Glenberg that administrators had suspended him with pay for five days because of his work as a butt-print painter and that he also could face unpaid suspension pending an investigation. Murmer went to great lengths to keep his work life separate from his activities as an artist, said ACLU executive director Kent Willis. As a butt-printing artist, he goes by the name "Stan Murmur," and appears in disguise in photographs and videos promoting his art. "As a public employee, he has constitutional rights, and he certainly has the right to engage in private legal activities protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution," Willis said. "I'm certainly proud of the butt painting," Murmer said in response to questions about his disguise. "I do have a real job where I do have real clients and I don't think they'd be too understanding if I was also the guy who painted with my butt." That video has made the rounds at Monacan High, where the mere mention of Murmer's name was enough to elicit grins from students Tuesday. Most appeared to be firmly behind their teacher, describing his suspension as "stupid," "ignorant" and "kinda retarded." ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!" =========================================== Cajun math A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeannie Re: Tow To Go Dear Webby Tow To Go is a Partnership between AAA Auto Club South & Anheuser Busch This program offers Members and Nonmembers, a confidential free-ride home and tow of their vehicle in order to avoid a potential drunk-driving situation. * Call 1-800-AAA-HELP -- the call will be directed to an ERS Call Center, depending on where the call originates * The AAA call taker knows to dispatch a contractor participating in the program (contractors have already agreed to be a part of the program) * The AAA contractor arrives at the vehicle and takes the vehicle and the driver safely home, free of charge to the motorist. Tow to Go Holiday Dates are November 23rd - December 31st Jeannie Dear Jeannie Tow To Go is a great program, and probably has saved many thousands of lives. However, I would strongly advise to call them first, and find out if that service is actually available in your town or village. Bar closing time could be an awkward time to find out that your town is not included in the program. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Atlanta, Georgia Living in balmy south Georgia, Gene Long knew his wife Crystal pined for the winter snows of her native Pennsylvania. So he decided to do something about it. Armed with a homemade snowmaking machine, the 41-year-old paramedic and firefighter stayed up overnight during a rare subfreezing snap and crisscrossed their property. Saturday morning, he presented her with an inch-deep blanket of snow on their lawn. "She thought it was pretty cool," Long said. "We actually had a little snowball fight." Crystal Long laughed out loud, recalling the vision that greeted her when she got up.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vegetable Oil on Your Snow Shovel Coat your snow shovel with some vegetable oil to keep snow from sticking to it. Use the cheapest cooking oil you have on hand.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tin Tiles http://www.oldhousejournal.com/magazine ... sedl.shtml
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Red X 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 13, 2006
======================================

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with
potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other
virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful,
generous, or honest."
— Maya Angelou

Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that.
--- Sir Francis Bacon

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You will know what it is about, when somebody talks about
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

Not all of the stories in the Heirloom Christmas Book are for
reading to all ages, but it is a cultural treasure that shold be
passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two
truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read
CLEARANCE 11'3."

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first.
"Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pat Davis, Seattle December 12, 2006 - Seattle, Washington - AP Christmas trees are going back up at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Pat Davis, president of the Port of Seattle commission, which directs airport operations, said late Monday that maintenance staff would restore the 14 plastic holiday trees, festooned with red ribbons and bows, that were removed over the weekend because of a rabbi's complaint that holiday decor did not include a menorah. Airport managers believed that if they allowed the addition of a 2.5-metre-tall menorah to the display, as Seattle Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky had requested, they would also have to display symbols of other religions and cultures, which was not something airport workers had time for during the busiest travel season of the year, Airport Director Mark Reis said earlier Monday. Port officials received word Monday afternoon that Bogomilsky's organization would not file a lawsuit at this time over the placement of a menorah, Davis said in a statement. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== For over 30 years Dave had worked in construction in New York City. Those many years working around loud machinery had taken its toll on Dave's body and he began to fear that he was losing his hearing. So Dave went to the doctor and told him the problem. He explained to the doctor that things had gotten so bad that he couldn't even hear himself fart. The doctor examined Dave and then gave him some pills. Dave asked, "Will these help me to hear better?" The doctor replied, "No. They will make you fart louder." =========================================== Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a nurse over there to read the picket signs. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita T Re: red X Dear Webby I have a question I would like to ask you. When a picture comes up with a box and red x in the center of it how can I open it up? Love reading your letters everyday. Thank you, Rita T Dear Rita The red x indicates that the sender has messed up and that the picture is not there, or that the webmaster has messed up and mis-spelled the name of the picture or forgot to upload it. There is nothing you can do, except complain to who dun it (or didn't do it). Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 11, 2006 - Los Angeles - AP The Los Angeles Opera has received a $4 million donation for a multi-year ''Recovered Voices'' project that will produce music the Nazis tried to silence. Marilyn Ziering, a philanthropist and opera board member, donated $3.25 million and raised an additional $750,000 from various donors, LA Opera General Director Placido Domingo announced Monday. The ''Recovered Voices'' project will highlight the music of early 20th-century composers such as Alexander Zemlinsky, Kurt Weill and Viktor Ullmann.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Sheets of Stamps Keep stamps from sticking together by storing them in-between sheets of wax paper. Wax paper also works well for saving stickers, just put them on the shiny side of the wax paper.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
John was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looked at his lunch and said, "I don't like chicken soup, bring something else." The orderly said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it." John refused to eat. That night, the John's roommate had bad stomach pain, so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to John. The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital. John told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they're very strict about their food. Here's a good tip: when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and give it to you the hard way, from the other end!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist: "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Probably" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mints http://tinyurl.com/y6z4n4
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL spam control tip 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 11, 2006
======================================

Another late night, but since the sun rises late this time of
the year, it won't chase me from my desk this shift.
The Heirloom Christmas Book is finally finished, and
uploaded. I had to redo all the pictures, because the book
was 5 MB large. That could be a bit too large for some
of the computers out there. So now I trimmed it down to
just 2.6 MB. Still a monster with almost 200 pages, but
a more manageable file size.

I won't guarantee that you will like ALL the stories, but
I am pretty sure I got all the classics, that your great-grandma
read or recited to your grandma, when she was a kid.
Plus a couple of contempory ones.


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb




By the way, I formatted the book so that you can print it
regular letter size, or with ClickBook in paperback size
printed front andback on a quarter the number of sheets
of paper.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.

"Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel shot back.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two big men standing by the door?"

Joel nodded.

"They're hushers."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== After the college boy delivered the pizza to Rob's's trailer house, Rob asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Rob. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Rob. The lad smiled and said: "Reverse psychology." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops band 'Sorry - we won't be there' A Four Tops tribute band missed a sell-out gig - when they set their satnav for Chelmsford instead of Cheltenham. Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops, based on the Motown band whose biggest hit was 'I'll Be There', ended up 140 miles from the venue. Tour manager Alan Frazer said: "They were very upset to let down their fans because they put on such a great show. "Whoever tapped the place into the satnav got it wrong. They don't know British geography very well because they're American. "The guys have had a stressful tour playing 74 dates in Britain this year. The driver's been given a severe reprimand because of the error. It's cost me and the band a small fortune. "It was a nightmare. It wasn't as if they stopped the car and were sitting in the pub. They're all nonalcoholic vegetarians. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== More about this in today's bonus link ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== "I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could get laid three or four times a week." "That's funny," said another patron. "That's why I got divorced." =========================================== One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amber Rose Re: Cause of missed letters Dear Webby I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference be that they do not have your e-mail address in their Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently. I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized. Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also. Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received. AmberRose Dear AmberRose You are 100% right. Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the address book, the mail always gets through. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Speeding couple given toy A German couple caught speeding on their way to give birth were given a toy for their new baby instead of a ticket. Barbara and Johann Meyer, from Wachtberg, initially received a ticket after a speed camera photographed them breaking the speed limit. But when they told authorities that they were on their way to hospital where Barbara gave birth to their first baby, police cancelled the fine. Instead, they sent them a toy police officer in uniform - holding a speed camera. Police also recommended the Meyers put the original speeding camera image into their son's first photo album.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Peanuts Garland Do you have some styrofoam packaging peanuts lying around? String them together using a large needle and sturdy thread (or fishing line). You can even spruce them up a bit by painting the peanuts in Christmas colors. You can easily dye them by pouring food coloring or textile dye over them. The easiest way to string them up is with #19 magnet or motor wire. Most electrical rewind shops will gladly give you 20 - 50 foot leftover pieces of wire. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, " Yes we made good time, but that little red wagon wasn't doing bad either." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Martin, the nifty guy from Oklahoma, who sends so many neat pictures and jokes, has a Christmas Greeting for you: Martin http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=bd57 ... 8G20061210
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Cool Clock 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 9, 2006
======================================

Forgiveness does not have anything to do with other people.
It has everything to do with you.
--- Gary Zukav

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.

Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big, dumb
galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress -- don't wait
any longer."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Three men died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the pearly gates and told the men that they would would each receive a car to drive. The only draw back was that they did not get to pick out the car they wanted, it was determined on how well they behaved on earth. St. Peter asked the first guy if he had ever cheated on his wife and he said, "Yes, I'm afraid I did one time." St. Peter told him that he would get a mid-size car to drive in heaven since he had cheated on his wife. St.Peter asked the second guy if he had cheated on his wife. "Yes, I'm afraid that I did twice during the time we were married," replied the second man.St. Peter told him that he would receive a compact car to drive in heaven. The third man was asked the same question and he replied, "No I am happy to report that I was happily married and never cheated on my wife!" St. Peter congratulated him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven. One day the first two men saw the man in the luxury car crying at a stop light and asked him why he was crying. After all he had gotten a luxury car. He replied, "I just saw my wife go by, and she was on ONE roller skate!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Armstrong, of Fort Myers, Florida Dumb Forger December 7, 2006 - Chesterfield Township, Michigan - AP A man who police say tried to pass a counterfeit check at a Wal-Mart chose the wrong store at the wrong time. Dozens of officers were at the suburban Detroit store Tuesday helping needy children pick out items as part of an annual "Shop with a Cop" charity event. That didn't stop Calvin E. Fluckes Jr., 21, from pulling into the parking lot next to 40 marked squad cars, police said. He apparently was unfazed by the police presence as he tried to pay for merchandise with a poorly photocopied check for $847.83. The cashier called over a manager, who alerted one of the 80 officers who happened to be in the store. "He was immediately apprehended," Chesterfield Township police Lt. David Marker told the Detroit Free Press. "I can't even imagine what he was thinking." Fluckes was arraigned Wednesday on one count of uttering and publishing. He was being held in the Macomb County Jail on $2,000 bail. He could face up to 14 years in prison if convicted. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Two elderly men were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ed noticed something funny about Joe's ear. He said, "Joe did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" "I have? A suppository?" He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said: "Ed, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is." =========================================== This guy was walking on the beach and found what looked like a genie bottle so he rubbed it and sure enough out came a genie. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes." The man thought for a while and said, "O.K. for my first wish I want a Red Lambourgini." and poof there on the beach was a brand new red Lambourgini. "for my second wish I want 3 milloin dollars." and poof three million dollars apeared on the seat in the Lambourgini. He said "Now for my third wish make me irresistable to women." and poof, the genie turned him into a box of chocolates. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martin Re: Cool Clock Dear Webby, This is the COOLEST clock I have seen yet!! A new one!! Look closely at it!! Amazing!! Cool Clock http://home.tiscali.nl/annejan/swf/timeline.swf Martin Dear Martin It definitely is! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 5, 2006 - Baltimore, Maryland - AP William Polk Carey, chairman and founder of real estate company W. P. Carey & Co., has donated $50 million to Johns Hopkins University, which the college will use to establish business and education schools, the university announced late Monday. The W.P. Carey Foundation gift is the largest ever to Hopkins for business education. The Carey Business School and the School of Education will start operating Jan. 1, the university said in a news release. Carey is a trustee emeritus of Hopkins. The business school will add a five-year bachelor's-MBA program. This is Carey's second funding of a business school. In 2003, he donated $50 million to Arizona State University to establish W.P. Carey School of Business there.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saucer Decoupage Picture Frame If you any have saucers without a cup, you can cut a family picture to fit in the center of the saucer. Glue the picture to the saucer and decorate around the picture. Let it dry and then give it a coating of decoupage. Let that dry and apply a second coating. Slip it in a decoupage box, decorated by you, and add a pretty bow. - Gladys Hill
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. "Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him." "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how ?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== A business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.' "And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Diane for this Bonus Link: Yule Recipes from around the world http://tinyurl.com/y3mc2g
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Fire Wall 

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 7, 2006
Wear something red to show your support for our troops!
======================================

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think
of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--- Mark Twain

Few things help an individual more than to place
responsibility upon him, and to let him know that
you trust him.
--- Booker T. Washington

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this report:
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while
both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each
year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid-December.   Female reindeer
retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting
Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph
to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a
fat-butt man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night
and not get lost.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Wendy goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" Wendy replied, "God help us. Has it come to this? OK, give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Armstrong, of Fort Myers, Florida Klutzy Burglar November 30, 2006 - FORT MYERS, Florida - IBS A burglar had no trouble breaking into a Florida post office, but getting out was harder than he thought. Security cameras took pictures of the man, who police said was Anthony Armstrong, as he allegedly used a sledgehammer to break through the wall of a Fort Myers, Fla., post office. Once inside the office, he could not get out, police said. He eventually called 911 and asked for help. Police said the man told them that three men had chased him into the post office. But officers said the sledgehammer and the security photos didn't support his story. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" =========================================== It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ted Re: Fire Wall Dear Webby, I notice you recommend McAfee anti-virus and Firewall. I have McAfee Anti-Virus but was afraid to put in the Firewall for fear it would block something I wanted. Just what does the Firewall do?? I have Spybot and Crap Cleaner installed as well. Ted Dear Ted Hi Ted The Firewall keeps out hackers. It does not block anything that is safe or useful. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 5, 2006 - LOS ANGELES - AP The most powerful man in Hollywood isn't an A-lister, but attends more movie premieres than Brad Pitt and George Clooney combined. He has no entourage, but hits enough nightspots to make Paris Hilton jealous. He's a red-carpet regular with the power to shut down any event from the Oscars on down. Robert Gladden isn't a filmmaker or financier. He's a fireman, one of 14 in Los Angeles who inspect and oversee areas of public assembly. Gladden's territory is Tinseltown, and practically every Hollywood party, performance or premiere requires his approval. ''If the public could be endangered, we're on it,'' says Gladden, 54. In the process, the slim, silver-haired fireman gets a front-row seat to some of the world's most-watched events. His interest is ostensibly safety, not celebrity, but he's had more brushes with fame than a Hollywood stylist. ''I absolutely have the coolest job,'' he says. ''There's nothing like it because most people don't associate being a fireman with all this celebrity stuff.'' Gladden trained in the Air Force, then followed his late father's footsteps into the Los Angeles Fire Department. Gladden joined in 1978, 10 years after his dad died in a blaze. He took on his current assignment in 1996.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money With LED Christmas Lights They aren't quite as bright as other lights, but LED Christmas lights will save you a bundle on your energy bill. They cost as much as 90% less to operate. LED lights also produce almost no heat, which reduces the risk of fire.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $100, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Diane for this Bonus Link: Snow Scapes http://www.waynehiggins.com/snowscapes.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Yahoo mail crashing 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  December 7, 2006
======================================

To have striven, to have made the effort,
to have been true to certain ideals -
this alone is worth the struggle."
— William Penn

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.
The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"

"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."

"Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer.

"Well, a woman," the humble witness replied.

The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman.
Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"

And the witness said meekly, "Um, all of my sisters did."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son if he got a part in the play. With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said, "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son," the dad said. "Keep up the good work and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Allen Rodgers, 42 of Anderson, South Carolina Wrong driver for a float December 5, 2006 - Columbia, South Carolina — AP A man accused of speeding down Main Street in Anderson has been charged with drunken driving. What was unusual was that he was driving a float in a Christmas parade at the time. When officers caught up to 42-year-old David Allen Rodgers, he had an open container of alcohol in the truck he used to haul the children and adults on a float for the Steppin' Out Dance Studio, Anderson Police spokeswoman Linda Dudley said. Witnesses said Rodgers was driving in line in Sunday's parade when he pulled out to pass a tractor in the float. Rodgers sped down Main Street and ran a red light, while a witness on the float called 911 on a cell phone, police said. Officers started chasing Rodgers, who didn't stop for three miles. Once he pulled over, he tried to attack an officer, Dudley said. Rodgers, whose child was on the float, faces more than three dozen charges, including DUI, 18 counts of kidnapping and assaulting an officer, authorities said. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for a picture of his new RV ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took baby Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." =========================================== Doug stumbled into the bar and after several drinks confided to his friend Bill, "The next time I give her the ultimatum 'Sex or Walk' I must remember to be in my own car and not hers." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Yahoo Mail crashing Dear Webby: My Yahoo mail is getting shut down almost every time I use it by my I/E. I guess the only alternative is to download another browser like Foxfire, right? I would appreciate your advice on this one. I think a lot of people are having this problem. Could it be that Microsoft is trying to force us to give up the old version of I/E to use the new and flawed version of I/E? What a buncha commies! Pat Dear Pat Nah, that's just a routine Yahoo screw-up. There have not been any changes to IE6, and Microsoft even offers you a little utility to protect you from IE7. I sent you a referral to Google's gmail. That works. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Ironton, Ohio - AP The bride wore white, strains of the ''Wedding March'' were in the air, and there was a minister and several guests. But the location of a young couple's weekend nuptials was not so traditional. Aaron Grenier and Michelle Hogsten, both 24, exchanged their vows Saturday at a nursing home in this southern Ohio community. The setting allowed Grenier's mother to be on hand for the big day. Following a series of strokes and other ailments, Beverly Cade, 48, was placed in the Jo-Lin Health Center in February, and doctors have advised her not to leave. She was seated down front for the ceremony. ''We just wanted her to be able to be there,'' Grenier said. ''That was what was important.'' He and his new bride said they'd been planning their unusual wedding for six months. It was the first ever held in the home's activity room, said Peggy Dyer, Jo-Lin activities director. Other residents were eager to be wheeled in so they could attend. ''It has been a long time since many of them had ever seen a wedding,'' Dyer said. The wedding also was a novelty for the minister. Rev. Richard Carter said he'd married inmates at the county jail before but had never had a couple tie the knot in a nursing home.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Chain Garland Looking for Christmas garlands that cost little or no money? Make a paper chain garland using the funny pages from the newspaper or colorful gloss ads. Just cut paper into strips, tape or staple the loops as you chain them together.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Little Johnny was laying about on a snow pile. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Johnny said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny could relate, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute." "Oh," said Johnny. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Johnny, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Deeli, about the phone tax refund: http://www.snopes.com/business/taxes/excise.asp
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: McAfee blocking newsletters? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 6, 2006
======================================

Money is much more exciting than anything it buys.
--- Mignon McLaughlin

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
--- Wayne Gretzky

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Southern Grandmother on the Witness Stand:

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trail, a southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She
responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you
were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You
lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you"

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
One of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife
With three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge promptly asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a
very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you both to the electric chair"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Sad News There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a liquor store burglar Klutzy burglar http://www.glumbert.com/media/badrobber ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the HELL is he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery! =========================================== A Somali arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, " Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care and free education!" The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican" The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada!" The person says, "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Canada!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not Canadian!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you a Canadian?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?" The Russian lady checks her watch and says... "Probably at work!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: McAfee blocking newsletters Dear Webby: once again can you help me get back your pages. Since I downloaded McAfee Virus I can no longer get get you. I have checked my security and it is not too high. Thanks for your help. Jaye Dear Jaye VirusScan has nothing to do with that. You probably accidentally also installed their (rather flakey) spam control program. That one, by default, trashes HTML newsletters. Just un-install that "Spamkiller", and the Humor Letter will get through again. I only recommend McAfee VirusScan and McAfee FireWall, not the optional frills they sell on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 4, 2006 - Portage, Indiana - AP Employees in the city clerk's office are turning their colorful language into a little green. Since July, workers have generated about $120 by fining themselves for using profanity in the office. The money goes into a flower vase on Portage Clerk Ellen Mesich's desk, and eventually will go to buy gift cards to give to teen cancer patients at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago. Mesich had a niece who died of cancer last summer and was treated at the hospital. Mesich started the foul-mouthed fund drive. "One day I was noticing my mouth was a little foul, so I decided I should have a cuss jar," Mesich said. Fines range from a penny to $1.50, except on Monday mornings, when there's a general amnesty because, after all, it's Monday morning. Some people use IOUs or pay in advance of stressful times. Paying the fines has made some workers more watchful of their words. "I've been catching myself more at home," Deputy Clerk-Treasurer Lynn Reed said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com December Food Best Buys Buy foods that are in season and save money in December. The food best buys for December are Apples, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Chicken, Cranberries, Grapefruit, Lamb, Oranges, Oysters, Pork, Sweet Potatoes, Tangelos, Tangerines, Turkey, Turnips and Winter Squash.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day down by a river, a Baptist preacher had just baptized a young lady. A few minutes later, a drunk, non-religious man walked by the river. The preacher said to him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk replied: "Schure, I'll give it a try!" The preacher got him in the water, dipped him in and then raised him back up. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said no. The preacher again dipped him in and raised him back up. The preacher said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk again said no. The preacher dipped him and raised him up for a third time. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said, "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Martin Hi again Helmut, For what it's worth, I've used iWon.com as my home page for the last 6-7 years. It has the criteria David mentions, plus the games are fun. .....according to Spybot S&D, the few cookies are reasonable too. The iWon Today page, with the TV listings (and other things I've set up) is what I use for my actual home page.....then go to the other offerings from there. http://home.iwon.com/iwon-homepage/home ... l?SEC=bnav ------------------------------------------------------------------- From Cay Dear Webby: Your reply to David re trouble with Yahoo is fine. He might also look into Earthlink's home page. I have had it for years and it is easy to customize. Merry Christmas from Florida! CayC ------------------------------------------------------------------- From Lillemor Hi; First--I Love your daily letter.!!. Fun to see the story about the Christmas goat.Gävle,is the County seat where I was born (I'm a Proud American by choice for 50 years). "Jul Bocken" as he's called in Swedish ,helps the Swedish type of Santa to deliver the gifts,to be put under the tree by the 24th of Dec.,as that's the time for the opening of the presents. Christmas Day starts with going to church,with the earliest services starting at 6am (that's the way it use to be). Well, I sure could go on telling you about traditions.Nice memories from childhood. THANKS again for the BEST daily on the web. **MERRY CHRISTMAS**,Lillemor A.,CA
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Custom Home Page 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  December 5, 2006
======================================

The public will believe anything, so long as it is not
founded on truth.
--- Edith Sitwell

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
--- Edward Gibbon

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders
were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker
on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general
seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm
new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Showing his friend around his his home, Shayne started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael William McCabe, 45, Report sent in by Wanda Man back in jail after four minutes of freedom By Jim Schultz, Record Searchlight December 1, 2006 RED BLUFF – A Red Bluff man was arrested early this morning on suspicion of burglarizing a Tehama County Sheriff’s Department maintenance shop only minutes after being released from custody after serving a 180-day sentence for drug possession, according to Sheriff Clay Parker. Michael William McCabe, 45, is accused of stealing a cell phone and miscellaneous automobile repair items from the maintenance shop. The value of the items was estimated at $60. McCabe was released from custody around 2:36 a.m., but was rearrested about four minutes later, a news release says. McCabe entered the maintenance shop upon his release through a door that he had left unlocked in anticipation of his release, the news release said. He had previously been an inmate worker assigned to the shop to clean vehicles and assist in their maintenance. Jail staff watched the theft on a video surveillance system, which recorded the incident. He was booked into jail in lieu of $5,000 bail and will no longer be considered for the department’s inmate worker program. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her "Special Orchid". ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy. One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of a heart attack. On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery. The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything for worms?" =========================================== A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Dear Webby: For years now, I've used Yahoo.com as my home page. I liked the way the page was laid out and I like the way the links performed. Over the past 8 months or so, they have changed their home page, the email, the news, the over bearing ads, and last night I went to check my local TV listing and they've screwed up that page too. I don't care for MSN.com lay out either. Can you, or your readers, recommend some good home pages that offers, news, TV listings, weather and other stuff in an easy to use and read format? I'd like to check out a few to see what's the best out there. Thank you, David Dear David You can try the Google home page and customize it to your liking. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 3, 2006 - Gavle, Sweden - AP For 40 years it has been torched, vandalized, had its legs cut off and even been run over by a car. But officials in the Swedish city of Gavle are guaranteeing that this year's giant straw Christmas goat, the victim of Sweden's most violent yule tradition, will survive unscathed. The 43-foot-high goat a centuries-old yule symbol that preceded Santa Claus as the bringer of gifts to Swedish homes has been burned down 22 times since it was first set up in Gavle's square on Dec. 3, 1966. But for its 40th anniversary Sunday, officials think they have finally outsmarted the resourceful vandals by dousing the battered ram with flame-resistant chemicals normally used on airplanes. "It is impossible to burn it to the ground this year, although you might be able to singe its paws," said Anna Ostman, a spokeswoman for the committee in charge of building the goat. "After 40 years, we think we finally found the solution." The company providing the fireproof treatment is so sure of its resilience that its spokesman Freddy Klassmo told newspaper Aftonbladet that "not even napalm can set fire to the goat now." For those who want to follow its fate, a 24-hour Web cam has been set up to film the straw goat where it stands on the central square in Gavle, 90 miles north of Stockholm. While the origins of the Christmas goat are unclear, the symbol is believed to date back to Norse mythology and the two goats that drew the carriage of Thor, the god of thunder. Many Swedes place a small straw goat underneath their Christmas tree, or hang miniature versions on the branches. Since 1966, just 10 of Gavle's giant goats have survived beyond Christmas Day. Aside from being burned, several were beaten down and the 1976 goat was hit by a car. The vandals are seldom caught, but the 2001 culprit 51-year-old American Lawrence Jones was convicted and spent 18 days in jail.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fix Dings Before They Become Cracks Winter temperatures are tough on vehicle windshields. You can save yourself from having to replace your car windshield down the road by getting dings repaired in a timely matter. If you have comprehensive auto insurance, these repairs may be covered and they often waive your deductible so the repair in essentially free. Call your insurance to see if they have a windshield repair program.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story: The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee....." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Connie R Dear Webby Good Morning! You are absolutely correct with your reply to Richard, and I hope there's many mothers out there who read your wonderful newsletter and take heed. Have a great day. Connie
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link: Safe search engine for kids http://zoo.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: CD writer causes re-start 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 4, 2006
======================================

You can never learn less; you can only learn more.
The reason I know so much is because I have made so
many mistakes.
--- Buckminster Fuller

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Bonnie for this:

For the first pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
A post from a week ago.

For the second pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.

For the third pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And A post from a week ago.

For the forth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error Messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the fifth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the sixth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 6 disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the seventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the eighth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the ninth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels Not working
7 hours with no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.

For The tenth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
10 propositions
9 Dumb Advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago

For the eleventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
11 pieces of Spam
10 Propositions
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.

For the twelfth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
12 reasons to unsubscribe.

Bonnie

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this story: My two brothers arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?" My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, I do." The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you and I was hoping you would say that." The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the entire group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chris Numme of Port Chester, NY Can't handle a Porsche at 30 miles per hour December 1, 2006 - PORT CHESTER, N.Y. - AP (photo below) This is one big "Uh-Ohh." A mechanic who finished doing minor bodywork on a $500,000 sports car crashed the Porsche Carrera GT into a telephone pole, while he was driving it back to the customer. Mechanic Chris Numme of Port Chester says he and a helper were in the car when he swerved to avoid a truck and lost control. Numme said he was going no faster than 30 miles per hour. He's said he's thankful he and his friend are alive. Numme had fixed a crack in the car's side at his repair shop and was returning the silver sports car to a Greenwich, Connecticut dealer when he crashed. The car’s owner is 70-year-old Robert Greenhill, an investment banker from Greenwich. The two-seater limited-edition sports car's engine boasts more than 600 horsepower. The car can accelerate from a standing start to 60 miles per hour in under four seconds. Numme said his insurance company has already located a replacement car. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this observation: My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book. For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. =========================================== A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "I fixed that dripping tap in your bath." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Buddy Re: CD drive causes a restart Dear Webby: I began to have this problem recently. When i put a disk into the CD write drive to store info or make a duplicate copy the computer shuts down immediately and restarts itself. is the drive bad or is it another problem. Thanks Buddy131j Dear Buddy Yes, I would say the drive is bad. You can try re-installing the burner software, but I have a hunch that may be a waste of time. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 1, 2006 - PR Newswire Engineers have developed a system for taking anonymous cell-phone location information and turning it into an illuminated traffic map that identifies congestion in real time.The system takes advantage of the steady stream of positioning cues--untraced signals all cell phones produce, whether in use or not, as they seek towers with the strongest signals. It is the first traffic-solution technology that monitors patterns on rural roads and city streets as easily as on highways. Developed by IntelliOne of Atlanta, Ga., the TrafficAid system could not only help guide drivers around tie-ups, but also tell emergency responders where accidents are or how effectively an evacuation is unfolding by pinpointing clusters of cell phones. "Unlike sensors and other equipment along major freeways that are expensive and take years to deploy, our system takes advantage of existing cellular networks in which wireless carriers have already invested billions of dollars," s aid National Science Foundation (NSF) awardee and IntelliOne CEO Ron Herman, a former engineer and computer scientist.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Choosing a Veterinarian When you are choosing a veterinarian, ask friends and family in your area if they have a vet they would recommend. It's important to find a vet that is good with both people and animals; someone who is willing to take time to answer any questions that you may have.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection, a baseball bat, to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness. She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department of motor vehicles and I am way past sane." The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or are you going back there?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Richard: Dear Webby, You or Deeli mentioned that "The boneheads who released the training baby into the girl's care, knowing that she was driving home with it, should be charged with attempted murder!" Since the young lady didn't have a driver's license, perhaps they could be forgiven for assuming that she would not be driving. However, the next student that they gave a similar doll to might have a valid license and a similar accident could have occurred. We do have a long term problem when some woman with a valid driver's license and a real baby are driving and the baby starts to cry. We can only hope that she doesn't drive until the baby has cried many times and she realizes that she does not have to respond immediately. I do know someone with four children between infant and 14 years old who was paying more attention to the child in the back seat than the car in front of her until it was too late to avoid an accident when that car stopped at a traffic light. Perhaps we should just keep stupid people from driving but then the stupid girl didn't have a license and should not have been driving. Maybe the answer is seatbelts and airbags for the rest of us. Richard Dear Richard maybe the answer is a LOT more chlorine in the gene pool? The whole idea of measuring the response time between a baby crying and the mother responding, is absolutely moronic to start out with! Instant response just creates a spoiled and irresponsible brat, that sooner or later winds up in jail. The ONLY action that requires an instant response, is when a sibling is throwing the crying baby out the window. Anything else can wait until it is safe to pull over to the curb. THAT is what the morons should have taught the kids, not tell them that they will be graded on how efficient they are in pointing kids towards jail. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Tassels http://www.prettyimpressivestuff.com/tassels.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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Dear Webby: Desktop Background pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  December 3, 2006
======================================

Home again!
I spent the last two days in Los Angeles attending courses
 from 7:45 am to 10 pm and scribbling notes like crazy.
Managed to get the Humor Letter out and got most of my
chores done, but some mail had to wait.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to a reader who does not want his name mentioned,
for sending this joke:

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a
really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must
be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said the
Delta Airline slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a confused look and he immediately thought
to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta Airlines."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head.
He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look.
He then removed Singapore Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."
This time the woman turned to him
"What the HELL do you want?"
The man smiled, then lay back in his chair, and said
"Ahhhhh, Royal Jordanian!"

------------------------------

Definitely not a WestJet stewardess! They seem to be the
friendliest of any airline, both in the air and on the ground.
They seem to be the grand daughters of the American Airlines
stewardesses, or great grand daughters, but they handle their
jobs with such casual efficiency and cheer that I am amazed
every time I fly. If you are lucky enough that WestJet flies to
your town, try them out!

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this joke: Three men died on Christmas Eve and weremet by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of thisholy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something thatsymbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shookthem and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulledout a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And justwhat do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carol's." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Plasanton, California Shool Irresponsible teachers teaching rsponsible parenting December 1, 2006 - Pleasanton, California - AP The perils of parenting apparently can be discovered through a classroom project. A startled 17-year-old girl swerved her car into a freeway guardrail and slammed into a pickup truck after the realistic sounding baby doll in her care suddenly began to cry. The teenager had just picked up the doll as part of a school project on responsible parenting minutes before the accident occurred Tuesday on I-580, said Steve Creel, a spokesman for the California Highway Patrol. The educational doll cries and wets itself and has a recording device that monitors how long it takes the doll's "parent" to respond to its crying. The girl, whose named was not released because of her age, was driving around 65 miles per hour in a Mini Cooper when the fake baby sprang to tears, causing her to crash into the guardrail and swerve back onto the freeway where she hit a Ford F-350 pickup truck. "When officers arrived, she was still caring for the baby," Creel said. No one was seriously injured in the crash, but the CHP will pursue charges because the girl was driving without a license, he said. ----------------------------- Cellphones are illegal to use while driving, but babysitting is OK? The boneheads who released the training baby into the girl's care, knowing that she was driving home with it, should be charged with attempted murder! That girl could have caused a major accident with dozens of people killed! ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the jewelers. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So vat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "it's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and I asked her this morning vat she vanted for her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, yust give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'" "So vat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven replied, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards." =========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat. One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car. So, the man went to the old woman and said, "I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him." "That so nice of you!", said the old woman, deeply touched. "How good are you at catching mice?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Desktop Background Dear Webby, I have a question that you may be able to help with (or not). I find tons of photos all over the internet that I love to use for our desktop background, changing it often. Most of the time they work; other times, they come out in repeat squares of the photo all over the screen rather than one very nice photo. I’ve attached 2 of those that do this; would you open them, then try to choose as background and see what happens. If you get repeats all over too, is there any chance you can tell me why? I know that with my luck, they’ll work fine for you! If that’s the case, then I give up and will just hang on to the ones I find that work and say c’est la vie. I look forward to hearing from you whenever you have time to play around. Thanks a bunch and also many thanks always for my DearWebby letter; I love them! Bonnie in NH Dear Bonnie Those pictures are too small to look nice when stretched to the entire desktop. For best results, resize pictures to whatever you have set for your screen resolution. If you have your resolution set to 1600 x 1200 (like I do), then a 400 x 300 picture would have to be stretched 4 times, and probably would look very coarse and ugly. Sometimes you can shuffle the size up in increments. Double the size, do an edge-preserving-smoothing, sharpen a bit, then increase the size again, and so on. It doesn't work with all pictures, but some may be worth trying. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 2, 2006 - Africa - AP Zenabou Nikiema smiles gratefully as she breastfeeds her two-year-old son and recalls the night a high fever shook his body until he nearly fell unconscious. "His temperature was very high late in the night and I rushed out to buy the medicine for him with the community health worker," Nikiema said. "We do not need to travel far … and the affordability of the medicine is another reason to rush for treatment." That is the simple story of how Nikiema stopped her son from being a statistic among 15,000 children who die from malaria every year in Burkina Faso - approximately one child every 30 minutes. Across sub-Saharan Africa, the mosquito-borne illness claims one million lives annually, according to the United Nations. The medicine Nikiema bought for her son is subsidised by a Burkinabe pilot project called Home Malaria Management (HMM), which aims to curb high malaria death rates among children by providing medicine to community clinics for 100-200 CFA (US 10 - 20 cents) Normally, the drugs cost up to 4,500 CFA (US $9) in pharmacies for a full course treatment.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pets Require and Time and Money
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From another reader who wants to NOT have her name mentioned: Hi Webby How are you and yours? I loved the 'story' about the "George and Dragon", still laughing because I know which "George and Dragon" pub that is in England it's in West Wycombe Buckinghamshire, and yes George probably would have been the 'best bet' I'm sending the story on to some friends who 'frepuent' that particular pub, they'll laugh too. Regards ***** (who should remain nameless if you print this for obvious reasons. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Carla Marriott Hotels have also a policy now of no smoking in any of their hotels. --------------- I guess emptying the odd ash tray would be too much like customer service.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby:  

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Saturday,  December 1, 2006
======================================


 "Enthusiasm is that secret and harmonious spirit 
 which hovers over the production of genius."   
— Isaac Disraeli  


======================================
Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist
season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed
on a previous trip to the city.


Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said,
"You know, it's been over five years since I first came in
here."


"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied
the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve
one table at a time."


===========================================


  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail




Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur December 1, 2006 - Conyers, Georgia - CBS News A man has been arrested after allegedly trying to force his estranged wife into an oven on Thanksgiving in front of their five children. Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur, has been charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, cruelty to children and possession of marijuana after the Nov. 23 incident, said Sgt. Jodi Shupe of the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office. Jackson and his 29-year-old wife, who have been separated since July, have five children ranging in age from 1 to 13 years old, Shupe said. Jackson apparently started fighting with his wife after she and the children returned to their Conyers home on Thanksgiving. At one point during the fight, Jackson allegedly attempted to stuff his wife inside the kitchen oven, which had been left on to heat the house, Shupe said. The woman escaped and went to the sheriff's office with visible head injuries, Shupe said. Investigators found Jackson hiding under a bed at his mother's house in Decatur, where he had been living since the separation, Shupe said. =========================================== A bonehead award also goes to Westin Hotels, who have decided it is more profitable not to allow the dumb suckers, who accidentally booked into their facilities because of seminars or courses, to allow smoking privileges anywhere in their building. They are not interested in customer service or in what their customers want. They never come back a second time anyway. =========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture:. =========================================== The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Transfer files to XP machine Hi Webby I have gotten help from you before and it is always good. Now I just bought a new computer W/ XP and need to transfer many old pics. and music and some data. Can I just burn data cd"s with all the stuff that I want to transfer and then put that info. in the new computer? I have not yet put the new computer in use and am waiting to see if this will work. Thanks for the timely info I just bought it yesterday and today I finally got to the e-mail.. Thanks again. Ron Dear Ron Yes, that will definitely work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 30, 2006 - Centralia, Washington - AP Esther Medley of Centralia is legally blind, but when she bowls she can glimpse a bit of the floor to line up with the lane. Medley, 94, can't see straight ahead, so her 86-year-old husband Ralph tells her which pins are left after her first ball. That's how Medley recently bowled a score of 244, which included eight strikes, at Fairway Lanes in Centralia. It was the second-highest score of the year for her league. The Medleys have been bowling in the senior league since 1979.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Daily tips will return on Sunday
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Truk Lagoon http://snipurl.com/13wc0
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Best IM 

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Friday,  December 1, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to support the troops
======================================


Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned
by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
-- Hector Berlioz


yeah, happens to writers too.


======================================
Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


Three elderly ladies named Penelope, Maude and Gladys were
sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a
flasher approached from across the park.


The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them
and opened his trench coat.


Penelope immediately had a stroke.


Gladys also had a stroke.


But Maude, being older and more feeble,
couldn't reach that far ....


===========================================


  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail




Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man, 45, from Stratford, Connecticut Man stopped to smoke crack during police chase A US thief was arrested after he repeatedly stopped during a police pursuit to smoke crack. Police say the man, 45, from Stratford, Connecticut, had been driving a stolen car in Bridgeport. The chase began after he attempted to pay for petrol with cards belonging to the car owner. With police on their way, he abandoned the car and ran off on foot, reports the Connecticut Post. After climbing over a fence, he stopped to smoke crack before running off again, officers say. He headed off through the local seaport, and went to stand on a boat - where he had another crack break. The man was still on the boat smoking crack when officers apprehended him. =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic! As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health! =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this: If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 10,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 10,000 for the same period. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: If these statistics are true, the U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: Safe IM Dear Webby, What is the safest Instant Messenger these days? Renee Dear Renee Skype is the most advanced and with it's secure encryption the safest Instant Messenger. It is also the most reliable IM. We have used Skype for tech Support for over two years now and have never had any problem with it. Have FUN! DearWebby. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Driver survives 700ft fall A Croatian man escaped almost unhurt after crashing 700ft down the side of a canyon in his car and landing in a tree. Cedo Jerbic was left with only a few bruised ribs after losing control of his Skoda Octavia on the Velebit mountain, driving off the road into a canyon. His car hit the rock wall of the deep gully twice before getting caught in the branches of a tree on the canyon floor 700ft below. Jerbic used his mobile phone to call rescue services who pulled him out of the car. Doctors who examined him said that apart from bruising to his chest he was unhurt. Jerbic told them that he had been wearing his seatbelt and during the fall the car's airbags had inflated, protecting him from serious injury.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Daily tips will return on Sunday
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Peanut Butter Lovers http://www.peanutbutterlovers.com/
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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DearWebby: Fancy email Link 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  November 30, 2006
======================================

One of the hardest things to teach a child is that the truth is
more important than the consequences.
-- O.A. Battista

Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on
in a newspaper.
-- Thomas Jefferson

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Ann for this story:

The Newfie saw the sign at the restaurant.
It read: "Happy hour special:  Lobster Tail & Beer."
"Laird 'Tunderin' Jaises ! ..." he says to himself,
"Me tree fav'rite 'tings".

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to David K for this warning: This is the season for this theft. If you buy gift cards as gifts to people, read this. Well, the crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance. If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack that has various store cards you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store and then wait a few days and call to see how much of a balance they have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", and then they go online and start shopping. You may want to purchase your cards from a customer service person, where they do not have the Gift Cards viewable to the public. http://www.wave3.com/global/story.asp?s=5744244 ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Sibindana, 27 in Vereeniging, South Africa Stubborn Scott November 28, 2006 - Vereeniging, South Africa - Agence France-Presse A young South African was fined by a local court for taking time off from work and trying to cover it with a fake gynecologist's certificate attesting he was pregnant and needed a week off. A magistrate's court in Vereeniging, near Johannesburg, fined 27-year-old Charles Sibindana 1000 rand ($180) for the brazen forgery, the SAPA news agency reported. Sibindana stole a medical certificate from a health centre used by his pregnant girlfriend, but was apparently unaware that only women consulted gynecologists. Magistrate Bruno Van Eeden warned Sibindana “not to walk around faking sick letters from gynecologists”. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture:. Cheap wedding dress: 6 rolls for $2.95 some assembly required. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== "Darling," he panted, "after making love I doubt if I'll ever be able to get over you, so would you mind answering the phone?" =========================================== One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a plain pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada . He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Fancy email link Dear Webby, I have a question about email and html. I know how to make a link in html for people to click on to bring up an email to send to you, but is there a way to also automatically add the subject? So in my webpage I would have the link so when they click on it it opens their email program and automatically puts in my email address in the To field, but I would like to know if there is a way to make the subject field fill in automatically as well. I checked around in the html tutorial that you have a link to (which proved to be very useful in building the rest of my webpage) but I did not see anything about adding the subject to emails. So if that is even possible, how would I do it? Thanks, Chris Dear Chris That is no problem at all! mailto:santa@webby.com?bcc= &subject=Report%20For%20This%20week &body=Been%20 good%20again.%0D%0AReally! Paste those 3 lines together into one, unbroken line, without any empty spaces in it. That fills out the main addresses santa@webby.com and a BCC address name@domain.com and the subject and the body. That's all there is to it. Since the desktop is basically just an HTML page, you can even make a shortcut and paste that into the run line. If you put a group address into the BCC, that makes it really easy to send a letter to a team or entire address book category. For real fun, prepare a shortcut like that, on your secretary's or your spouse's machine, with her confiding her undying love and wicked lust for the fax machine (or somebody), and change the icon of the shortcut to the same as the one used for the word processor. Get ready for some very loud noise when she or he catches on! You can make the body text as long as you want, just don't leave any empty spaces. Instead of spaces use %20. Have FUN! DearWebby PS. The email in the example is the same as the one that the Humor Letter is sent to. Everybody will see THEIR own address there, ready to use. Don't worry, nobody else will see your address. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 29, 2006 - Logan, Utah - Salt Lake City Tribune Jail inmates are spending hours knitting caps, blankets and booties for children around the world. ''We might all be criminals,'' said David Evans, 25, of Blackfoot, Idaho, ''but some of us have big hearts.'' The pastime at the Cache County Jail in northern Utah began about two years ago. The handmade crafts go to a group called Save the Children or to humanitarian efforts organized by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Inmates have knitted more than 300 hats this year, about half with matching booties. They also have stitched mittens and small blankets.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pets Require and Time and Money The old saying goes "Pets are for life, not for Christmas". If you are planning on getting or giving a pet as a gift, make sure to take into account all the fees and time commitments that are associated with feeding, training and providing medical care for the pet.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Teddy D hi, sorry to bother you, but i haven't received my humor letter in a about a week now, something i always look forward to each morning. is ther something wrong? thank you Teddy D. Dear Teddy That's the price you pay for the privilege of being called "that silly yahoo". If you want reliable mail, you will have to get a more reliable address. These days even AOL is more reliable than Yahoo. Just have a look at the Sniveling Ninnie awards for the last half year! I would recommend that you get yourself a gmail address from Google. That's the most reliable of all the free email addresses, and better than most of the paid for ones. If you want a referral to gmail, let me know and I'll generate one for you instantly. Whenever the Sniveling Ninnies at Yahoo censor your Humor Letter, you can always browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what I had sent to you. Previous days are archived at http://webby.com/humor/blog Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Locked files 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  November 29, 2006
======================================

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
-- Dave Barry

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices
have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to David for this story:
"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.  "It ain't
my fault," Miss Crabtree.
"You can blame this on my dad.
The reason I'm three hours late?  Dad sleeps nights in the raw!"

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some
odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that,
despite her mounting fears.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth,
little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always
told the truth.

"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here
lowdown coyote. The last Few nights he done et six hens and
killed Ma's best milk goat.

And last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen,
he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again,
I'm a gonna git him!'"

"'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!'
He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!
To the hen house he c
rawled, just like an Injun on the snoop.

Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the
coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his
mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come
asneakin' up behind Dad.  Then we all looked on plumb
helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'."

"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three
o'clock this mornin'!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail



Currently Google's gmail is by far the most reliable of all
the free email services, and better than most of the paid
for services. I highly recommend Google's gmail!
DearWebby

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Barry for this story: A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed? "Breast-fed,"she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doct or ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a home owner in Stoneyburn, Scotland Stubborn Scott November 22, 2006 - UK - The Scotsman A man whose house was partially destroyed after a double-decker bus crashed into it is refusing to move out. The man, who has asked not to be named, was in his house in Cannop Crescent, Stoneyburn, on Friday night when the bus, which was carrying six passengers, crashed through the front of the building at 10pm. The 50-year-old, who is thought to have lived there for around five months, was unhurt as he was in a room at the back of the house at the time. But the accident has totally destroyed the front of the house. It now resembles a building site, with bricks replaced by blue tarpaulin and the garden full of debris. Without the front of the house to protect him from traffic, his room was fully exposed. Despite the damage, the man has surprised his neighbours, who at first feared he had been killed in the incident, by turning down an offer to stay in the bed and breakfast just next door to his house. Carol Gray runs the Eisenach B&B next door to him and offered him a room, which he refused. She said: "I offered him a bed on the Friday night, but he said he would prefer to stay in his own house." Recalling the accident, she said: "I had just gone to bed. I was lying there and I could hear this rumbling. "Then I heard screaming and pulled the curtains back - it was just amazing to see the bus in the side of the house." But she claimed it was only a matter of time before such an accident occurred. "Although I was shocked, in a way I wasn't because I knew one day something like this would happen." It was a sentiment echoed by other residents, who are terrified someone could be killed by drivers who speed around the "dangerous bend". It is thought the driver of the First bus on Friday night lost control on black ice after going round the bend. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dack in Thailand for this picture:. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Three nurses arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of lives. "OK", he says, "Come on in!" The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he, too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter lets him in, too. St. Peter asks the third nurse the same question. She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the insurance company. St. Peter replies, "OK. Come on in. But you can only stay three days." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this story: An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: "Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said..."Let the old fart dig. I had him buried upside down." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hilary Re: Locked files Dear Webby, I have a new computer and the files from the old computer have been copied over but I cannot open them - you have just made a suggestion about that one. However I keep getting messages from Yahoo Broadband to say it has a problem with Microsoft and to tell Microsoft about it!! Best wishes from England, it is still mild over here. Hilary Dear Hilary Right-click c:\ (Local Drive) in the File Explorer and take the checkmark off the READ ONLY option. It's -25 here right now and the Ice-Age freaks lord it over the Global Warming freaks. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - Fort Wayne, Indiana - AP Zookeepers let a male orangutan pick the name for his offspring by marking one of two possible names with a paintbrush. The father, Tengku, picked Dumadi as the name for the baby orangutan, Fort Wayne Children's Zoo officials said. The 4½-pound male baby was the first orangutan born at the zoo. His mother, Sayang, died after giving birth Oct. 22. Zookeepers decided to let the father _ who has used a paintbrush to create pictures that sell at zoo fundraisers and to pick stocks in a business contest dabble at name choosing. They set out two pieces of paper, one with the name Sayku and one with the name Dumadi. The primate rejected Sayku and picked Dumadi, which means ''becoming'' in an Indonesian language, zookeeper Angie Baldwin said. Dumadi weighs about 5 pounds and likely will not be paired with a foster mother until age 6 months. ''He's doing really well,'' Baldwin said. ''He's eating like a champ.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Programmable Thermostat Gone for the most the day? Program your thermostat to heat your home to a lower temperature when you are not around or sleeping. If your home does not have a thermostat with these capabilities, you can buy one for less than $50 at your local hardware store and they are relatively easy to install. They are REALLY easy to install if you can tell the four basic colors apart. Where it can get tricky is with the programming. You may have to read the instructions! Typical 7 day programmable thermostats come with two setbacks, one for "sleep" and one for "away". Try setting the "sleep" setback to 5 degrees and "away" for 10 degrees. You can always change those settings, but those are good for a start. Then punch in the setback start times and end times for each weekday. That's all there is to it. A Hunter 7-day Energy Star currently lists at $33. If your heating bill is over $100 a month, you will save that in the first month. You can buy it over the net from many different merchants. Highly recommended DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through my line must have been aware of store policy. She pointed to the lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Manin Dear Webby: Today´s Humor Letter made me roar with laughter. Thanks for such good medicine. Some days, like today, the Humor Letter is just too good to be true. Thank you! Manin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Movie a minute http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What to do about scams 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  November 28, 2006
======================================

Holding anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of
throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
--- The Buddha

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

My mother and I were walking down the street when a man
stopped us.
"I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too
much sex  in movies?"
"I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband,
stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the
film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Kati for this story: This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them all back in." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to November 24, 2006 - Santiago, Chile - The Scotsman Mapuche Indians in Chile are trying to take the global software giant Microsoft to court in a legal battle which raises the question of whether anyone can ever "own" the language they speak. The row was sparked by Microsoft's decision last month to launch its Windows software package in Mapuzugun, a Mapuche tongue spoken by around 400,000 indigenous Chileans. At the launch in the town of Los Sauces, Microsoft said it wanted to help Mapuches to embrace the digital age and "open a window so the rest of the world can access the cultural riches of this indigenous people". But Mapuche tribal leaders have accused the US company of violating their cultural and collective heritage by translating the software into Mapuzugun without their permission. They sent a letter to Bill Gates, the Microsoft founder, accusing his company of "intellectual piracy". "We feel like Microsoft and the Chilean education ministry have overlooked us by deciding to set up a committee to study the issue without our consent, our participation and without the slightest consultation," said Aucan Huilcaman, one of the Mapuche leaders behind the legal action. Microsoft declined to comment on the case, saying they could not do so until it is legally resolved. A judge in Santiago is due to decide in the next two weeks whether the company has a case to answer. "If they rule against us we will go to the Supreme Court, and if they rule against us there we will take our case to a court of human rights," said Lautaro Loncon, a Mapuche activist. The case has sparked comment on internet blogs. Many Chileans appear to feel it is absurd for the Mapuche to claim the intellectual rights to their language, and say the Indians should be pleased to see it used on the worldwide web. ----------------------- The Mapuche speak many dialects and have a few diffferent graphemaries (semi-symbolic alphabets). It seems that the Chilean government and Microsoft picked the one that is used by the silent majority, instead of the one favored by a few noisy, Cuban and US Democrat supported activists. It is very unlikely that the Chilean government will back down or that Microsoft will produce a second Mapuchi version of Windows, but the noisy activists will probably get a lot of money from bleeding heart do-gooders all over the world. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for these pictures. Actually he sent me even more, but I just combined the best 8 into one. The Chinese are masters in combining photography and martial arts stances for efficient aerobic exercises. Thanks to Chenli in Chongqing, China for helping me translate the caption for the picture. ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Chuck for this story: One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat. "What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls," she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. "My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't," she added "Well, yes they do..." I said cautiously. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment. Then she piped up again. "That's how girls know that boys are boys," she said. "They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy." I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. "Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?" My palms were beginning to sweat. "Um...well..." I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?" Well, I didn't know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn't asked herself that question at least once? "Oh, well...um..." I stammered. She didn't wait for my answer. She had her own. "It's cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that's when they know they are boys and that's when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked." That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things. As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. "I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?" I wasn't sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down. There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud. She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it - and I did - she got over her pique. That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I'm not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven't looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: A widowed lady, Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel in Miami Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, spread his blanket on the sand nearby, and had begun reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?" "Fine, thank you" he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" Sarah asked. "First time since my wife passed away last year" he replied, and again turned back to his book. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Suntree" he answered, and resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life! As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied "How did you know my name is Katz?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: What to do about a scam? Dear Webby, My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful. She also suggested you might be able to answer a question for me. This morning I received a spam message from "someone" purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam (i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.). It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message to and they can stop it?? Thank you. Linda Dear Linda That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or "Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do is send it to the US Secret Service. US Secret Service Financial Crimes Division 950 H Street N.W. Suite 5300 Washington, DC 20223 Phone: (202) 406-5850 Fax: (202) 406-5031 419.fcd@usss.treas.gov The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even though this scam costs Americans over 100 Million Dollars a year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how many more people fall for that same old scam each year. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos 'Give Santa the sack - he's not the real thing' ALLAN HALL IN BERLIN GERMANS and Austrians are uniting against a kindly old man who brings joy to children all over the world. Their call: Ban Santa. Campaigners in both countries claim Santa is an invention of the Coca-Cola company in the United States and should be ditched. In Austria, "Pro Christkind" - it means "For Christ Child" - want images of the baby Jesus and St Nicholas to replace the white-wigged, portly old man dressed in Coc Cola colors, who they see as symbolic of the commercialisation of Christmas. Their campaign, with a logo featuring a picture of Santa with a red line through him, begins on 2 December, the day before the first Sunday in Advent, at an event where traditional Christmas wreaths are made. Thousands of "Santa Free Zones" stickers have been printed and pamphlets have been handed out reminding people that the traditional bringer of presents is St Nicholas. There are even kits on sale with stickers to turn chocolate Santas into St Nicholas. An internet campaign is urging people in Switzerland, Germany and Austria to sign up to promote activities that support a traditional Christmas and not the Santa-led celebrations that have appeared in recent years. In some places, such as the east Austrian town of St Wolfgang, Santa has even been banned from the local Christmas market and shopkeepers have been restricted to offering traditional Austrian products and gifts as well as typical local culinary delights. Bettina Schade, of the Frankfurter Nicholas Initiative, said: "We object to the material things, the hectic rush to buy gifts and the ubiquity of the bearded man in the red suit taking away from the core meaning of Christmas. "The Christian origins of Christmas, like the birth of Jesus, have receded into the background. It's becoming more and more a festival that is reduced to simply worldly gifts and commerce." A Swedish-American artist, Haddon Sundblom, created the jolly Santa character for Coke and it was used in advertising campaigns in the 1930s and 40s. He was based on a previous figure produced for Harper's Weekly in the 19th century by Thomas Nast, a German immigrant to the US. ------------------------- I'll give you some additional background here. In Europe, the US is not generally represented by red, white and blue, but by a red Coca Cola button. Red, white and blue, that's the military that cratered the cities in WWII, but the Coca Cola button traditionally represented commerce and rebuilding and hope, a much friendlier icon. I remember, in the sixties, when the race for the moon was still on, there was this cartoon showing the moon in one frame. In the next frame, a Russian rocket was stuck in it. Third frame had an American rocket stuck in it beside it.. Fourth frame had a Russian cosmonaut painting the moon Russian red. Fifth frame had an American Astronaut painting Coca Cola in white onto the red moon. Then Europe was rooting for the US. But now, with their muddled attempts to find a European identity, the white wigged Coca Cola man (Santa) may find his entry into European folklore barred.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Answering Machine for New Baby Info With a new baby, you can spend a lot of time fielding calls from family members when you would rather just be relaxing. One thing you can do is leave a message on your answering machine giving the baby's name, weight, gender, and it's date and time of birth. Ask people to leave a message so you can call them back at a later date. That way you can rest and they can get the information they want about your new arrival.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story: The Wrong Side of the Bed Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning, Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today." "Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you." But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day." "Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me." Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Beverly Hi Dear Webby, My cousin just forwarded this email to me and I was wondering if it is true or somebody's flaky idea of screwing up everybody's else's computer. Mostly I know just enough about my PC to be dangerous, but I do know that any time you put ".exe" in a command line, something is going to happen! Setting up a shortcut of this nature might be nice, but not if its a hoax of some sort!!! I know that if anybody will know the truth about this, it is you! Thanks in advance, Beverly Right-click on your desktop Choose "New" then choose "Shortcut" In the command line that appears type (or paste) control.exe appwiz.cpl Give it a name (whatever you like) - we called ours "Remove Programs" Click "Finish" and you're done Now you have a one-click way to access your Add/Remove Programs applet without doing all those clicks. It's easier on your wrist and faster too! Dear Beverly That trick is perfectly OK. You are just calling a program that is already part of Windows, not downloading some weird and strange file from Russia. Another handy shortcut that you can make in exactly the same fashion is a call for the file explorer, already pre-set to the root of your C: drive: Paste this into the run line: explorer.exe c:\ Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link: Recipe Spin http://www.recipespin.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: pre-size Windows 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 27, 2006
======================================

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
--- Jules de Gaultier

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and
action, where it often substitutes for both.
--- John Andrew Holmes,

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Ann for this story:
An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the
long line for judgment.  As she stood there, she noticed that some
souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into
heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into
the burning pit.  But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul
into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side.

 After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the
 best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing.
 "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for
 judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those
people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

 "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan.
"They're all from Vancouver, they're too wet to burn!"

----------------------------
I bet he also had a pile for the people from Seattle!

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie, a certified blonde *, for tis story: A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. _____________ * Only certified blondes are allowed to tell blonde jokes in the Humor Letter ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Fort Worth, Texas drunks November 25, 2006 - Fort Worth, Texas - AP A bloody brawl erupted outside a tavern when one customer stabbed another for failing to wash his hands after using the mens room. One man was hospitalised in Fort Worth, Texas, while another was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== There is one way to permanently stop that ringing in the ears, from not wearing hearing protection! ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, I made 4 links one quarter there size--- Had all four show on my desktop at once--- was neat--- except now--- almost every thing I open--- opens to one quarter its size and I have to click maximize. You had a tech tip once that dealt with just that problem--- did not need it so I deleted it- Webby, where I go to click open all windows in full screen?? Thanks so much for all your help. Jaye Dear Jaye Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - RPI Every day, the sun bathes the planet in energy--free of charge--yet few systems can take advantage of that source for both heating and cooling. Now, researchers are making progress on a thin-film technology that adheres both solar cells and heat pumps onto surfaces, ultimately turning walls, windows, and maybe even soda bottles into climate control systems. On July 12, 2006, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI) researcher Steven Van Dessel and his colleagues will announce their most recent progress--including a computer model to help them simulate the climate within their test structure atop the RPI Student Union--at the Solar 2006 Conference in Denver, Colo. For 4 years, the researchers have been working on their prototype Active Building Envelope (ABE) system. Comprised of solar panels, solid-state, thermoelectric heat pumps and a storage device to provide energy on rainy days (literally), the ABE system accomplishes the jobs of both cooling and heating, yet operates silently with no moving parts. NSF is supporting the team to determine if a microscale version of the technology will function effectively. -------------------------- It functions quite OK. I experimented with that 20 years ago in the arctic. There is only one serious problem with it: It takes about 300 years to pay for itself, and the solid state heat pumps are only guaranteed for one year. Small scale applications have been available in the form of 12 Volt solid state picnic coolers for the last 10 years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Headphones The most important thing to consider when buying headphones isn't how they sound, but how they feel in your ears. If they aren't comfortable, you won't want to use them in the first place. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to try on earphones at the store before buying them. Be sure to ask the store manager if the ear phones can be returned if you try them out and they are too uncomfortable.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Carol Dear Webby, An unusual request... http://www.theshipsproject.com/home.htm offers free patterns for simple knit and crocheted caps for our soldiers. Caps that fit under their helmets and slippers are most in demand. Would you please post this site? Many thanks. Carol From Martin, re yesterday's Thumb Drives Just read the Staples ad in the Sunday paper. Sony 1GB USB Flash Drive....$19.98 Geez.....my first computer was $1300, complete with a 540mb hd and 5.25 floppy. I remain astounded these days. Martin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Thumb Drive 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  November 26, 2006
======================================

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
--- Victor Borge

Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
--- Henry David Thoreau

Why not go out on a limb--that's where all the fruit is!
--- Mark Twain

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200
to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out
of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the
operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad,
"I need to borrow two hundred dollars."

At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you,
son, I think there may be a bad line."

The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!"

"Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father.

The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him
perfectly."

The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some
money!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== You Know You're a Redneck When 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different night. 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch this." 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare. 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines." 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Phillip Dale Williams, 37, of Lynchburg, Virginia Too many wives November 22, 2006 - Lynchburg, Virginia - AP A man who dresses up as a giant cigarette and uses hip-hop music to encourage children in Lynchburg and beyond to avoid smoking pleaded guilty Tuesday to bigamy. Phillip Dale Williams, 37, had as many as four wives at the same time, Chuck Felmlee, deputy commonwealth's attorney, said. Williams' fourth wife, Lashawn Stevenson, became suspicious earlier this year when her husband began receiving child support notices in the mail. When the couple wed in 2003, he told her he had never been married, Felmlee said. Stevenson's investigation led her to a Vallejo, Calif., woman, Antoinette Borum, who told Stevenson Williams left her in 2002 with two children and no child support. When Stevenson confronted Williams, he told her he had married Borum and two other women before her, Felmlee said. Williams told police he divorced the first wife, but not the second or Borum. Police haven't been able to contact the first two wives, Felmlee said. Williams was known locally for playing "Douglas 'Dude' Cigarette," a character he created in 1996. He has performed in about a dozen states. Williams faces up to 10 years in prison when he is sentenced March 9. He did not live with more than one woman at a time, but depriving poor divorce lawyers of their fees is a very serious crime in the US. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Belinda Re: Transferring files Dear Webby, There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention: Thumbdrives! They work even for blondes like me! They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it. Sneaker-Net works! Belinda Dear Belinda You are 100% right. And the price of them has come down quite nicely. A SanDisk Cruzer Micro 1GB USB Flash Drive lists for $24 at pricegrabber. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 24, 2006 - Wigan, UK - The Scotsman The world pie-eating championship in Wigan has been hit by new rules to please the health lobby. Instead of a race to eat as many pies as possible, entrants will compete to eat one in the fastest time. ------------ I have a hunch that the real pie eating champs and spectators will ignore the politically correct speed eating contest, and have the "real" event in the next village over.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Children's Books on Tape If you have children or grandchildren a neat gift you can make is a book on tape. Tape yourself reading a children's book. Include announcements about when to turn the page. Then give the tape or CD, along with the book as a Christmas present.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand. The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that that mangy mutt out of his misery." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and take it easy when I turn purple."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Transfering files from 98 to XP machine 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  November 25, 2006
======================================

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
--- Arthur C. Clarke

Bloom where you are planted.
--- Socratex

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner
at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the
hostess.

Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented,
"These are very good!
You must have a very good camera."

He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving
to go home he said,
"That was a really delicious meal, Millie!"
"Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically.
Then Morris added, "You must have a very good stove!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A little boy came home from Sunday School with a big candy bar. His mother asked him where he got it. "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said. "That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him. "I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to One shouldn't wear stolen jewelry on MySpace.com. November 22, 2006 - Apollo Beach, Florida - AP Two teenage brothers from Apollo Beach apparently didn't know that. Authorities said they were seen in photos on the Internet social networking site wearing distinctive gold chains that were stolen from a home in Apollo Beach. They've been charged with grand theft. Sheriff's officials said a search of their home led them to four other suspects who face weapons and burglary charges. Hillsborough County sheriff's spokeswoman Debbie Carter said deputies recovered about $4,800 worth of stolen goods, including guns, laptops, jewelry and televisions. Carter said the increasing popularity of webpages has made them a common investigative tool for law enforcement. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Joan for this picture: Sunrise here in Prescott Arizona... on Thanksgiving day... This is looking WEST... while the sun rises in the EAST.... Joan in Prescott, AZ ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men? A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Louie Re: Transfering files from 98 to XP machine Dear Webby, is there anyway that I can transfer files and pictures from my windows 98 to a windows xp without having to open the units and move the hard drives? help would be appreciated on this matter. oh, and by the way, keep up the great work on your site.... great medicine for what ails one...we all could use some laughter in our lives. Louie Dear Louie Network them together. However, if you don't have network cards in both, and a network cable to connect them, then it's easiest to just pop the drive from the old machine into a $25 USB drive case, and run it as a remote drive on the end of a USB cable, that is plugged into any USB port on the XP machine. Just take out the drive from the old 98, go to your favorite computer store and tell them that you want a USB drive case for it. Cases range from simple ones for $4.95, to fancy ones with a fan built in and costing sometimes over $50. I have never used one with a fan and have never overheated a drive. Personally, though, I would get a $2.95 dual drive hard drive cable, and stick the old drive as a second drive into the XP machine. If you have never opened an XP machine, you will be very surprised. That big box is filled with expensive, Chinese air, and very little else. All the component cards and cable salad have been eliminated, and there is lot's of elbow room nowadays. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - Pennsylvania/Michigan - Press Release Each year members of the Pennsylvania State University (Penn State/PSU) American Red Cross Club organize blood drives to correspond with the seasons. Called the "PSU-MSU Challenge," the autumn/Thanksgiving blood drives pit students from Penn State University against students at their rival school, Michigan State University. Part of the recruitment effort behind the blood drives is for each college to try to collect more blood than their rival. Although positioned as a competitive "challenge," the club's ultimate goal is to help ensure an adequate blood supply during the holidays. Does the Penn State-Michigan State rivalry work? You bet. Between the two schools, nearly 3,500 units are collected annually. It's a good thing too since every two seconds someone in America needs blood, but only five percent of the eligible U.S. population donates blood in any given year. And, there is no substitute for human blood. The Red Cross collects nearly half (45 percent) of the nation's blood supply, providing more than 14 million blood products to some 3,000 hospitals nationwide. The holiday season, which begins around Halloween and continues through January, typically sees a drop in blood donations as potential donors begin holiday traveling and their schedules quickly fill up with events and celebrations. Making a donation is quick and easy—taking about an hour, and a single blood donation can help up to three people. To be eligible to donate blood, an individual needs to be at least 17 years old, weigh at least 110 pounds and be in general good health. To learn more about blood donations, visit GiveLife.org. For a more information about the Red Cross, visit Redcross.org.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Those Pumpkin Seeds When carving pumpkins for pie, don't throw out the seeds! Wash off the gooey stuff, spread on a cookie sheet, sprinkle with Lawry's (seasoning) salt and bake at 375 degrees F for about 10 minutes. Makes a great snack. By Sunny
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
I read a story about private pilots getting busted by the FAA and Secret Service for straying into restricted air space -- mostly around President Bush's ranch in Texas. The trouble is, aviation charts aren't updated to include the restricted area and the Secret Service keeps changing the rules. One week it's a 30 mile circle, the next is a 20 mile radius. Right after September 11 a pilot in his 70s who lives near the President's place in Crawford thought it was ok to start flying again. He hopped in his plane and took off. That promptly set off alarms at the nearby Waco control tower, who dispatched F-16s to bring the man down. He was then escorted to Waco for questioning. After questioning the man and determining he was not a threat to the President, the Secret Service gave him a ride home. When they pulled up into the yard, the man's wife came charging out of the house, wiping her hands on her apron and screaming at the man. "You DUMBASS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO FLYING!" The man turned to the agents and said, "Can I go back to Waco with y'all?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Check before digging! http://map.pequenopolis.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Floating pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  November 24, 2006
======================================

"If you are poor, though you dwell in the busy marketplace,
no one will inquire about you; if you are rich, though you
dwell in the heart of the mountains, you will have distant
relatives."
--- Chinese Proverb

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy
      drops off significantly after age 25.

OPINION: If English was good enough for Jesus
        Christ, then it's good enough for me.

LAWYER'S OBSERVATION: " I don't know anyone here
        that's been killed by a handgun."

LITERATE PROCLAMATION: "We don't want to open a
        box of Pandoras !"

YOGI BERRA SAID: "I really didn't say everything I said."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies." Risking further embarrassment, the mother ask for details on how to make babies." "It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Michael Jackson, 34, of Manchester, NJ November 20, 2006 - Manchester, New Jersey - AP A police officer who claimed he was conducting his own prostitution sting and strip search ended up being the one arrested. Authorities arrested James Michael Jackson, a police officer with the state Department of Human Services, and charged him with sexual assault and sexual misconduct for the so-called sting. According to authorities, Jackson, 34, of Toms River, arranged through a service for a woman to meet him Wednesday at a local hotel in Manchester. When she arrived, Jackson, carrying a badge and gun, told her she was under arrest. He made her take off her clothes and consent to a body cavity search before letting her go, said Ocean County Assistant Prosecutor Martin Anton. The prosecutor said Jackson overstepped his bounds as a law enforcement official when he placed the female prostitute under arrest and performed a strip search. As a police officer, Jackson had authority to make arrests, but not through an undercover operation of his own, Anton said. "And a male to strip-search a female is just not done," he added. The woman reported the incident to authorities the next day, after she talked to law enforcement officers she knew who said Jackson's behavior was illegal. Jackson had been a police officer with Human Services for about six years. The department has about 75 officers working in various institutions and psychiatric hospitals or, in Jackson's case, with children's services case officers. Jackson was assigned to the Division of Youth and Family Services' Monmouth South office in Asbury Park. Ed Rogan, a spokesman for the state Department of Human Services, expected that Jackson would be suspended by Monday, with proceedings leading to his termination starting soon after. Jackson, who is free on $50,000 bail, faces five to 10 years in prison if convicted. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Real notes to the Milkman These notes left for milkmen came from England, where milk apparently is still being delivered. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Cancel one pint after the day after today." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." "Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea." "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." "Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." "When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carina Re: Floating pictures Dear Webby, How do I fix pictures of carvings that I want to sell into pictures where thyfloat on the page, like in catalogs? Thanks Carina Dear Carina Dye a sheet with the exact same color as you have for your page background, or paint some plywood with that color. Then set up the items as far in front of that background as you can, and still have background margins on all sides. Take the pictures with a remote slave flash at least an arms length to the side and above the camera, just like old time photographers did with their flash pans. If you want warmer colors, use a 250 Watt Quartz worklight. Once you have the pictures on the computer, first reduce the size to what you need. Then use the Magic Wand selector and select the background. Set the background color in your pallette to a solid color exactly the same as your page background color. Now, when you hit DELETE, the selected picture background is deleted and replaced with the page background. Next set the transparency to the background color. You may think you got the exact page color, but different browsers and monitors will show a slight difference. So just turn the background transparent. The reason we used closely related colors for the wall and the cut is because of the fuzzy anti-aliasing used to smooth the jaggies from the cut. If you ignore that, you will wind up with amateurish halos around your pictures. For an extra touch you can add a drop shadow. Use 50% more blur than offset. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 2006 - San Francisco, California - Press Release Organic Bouquet, the eco-flower pioneer, introduces the America's largest collection of eco-wreaths, both decorative and culinary. Organic Bouquet will donate a portion of sales from the Pine Peace Wreaths to Adopt-a-Minefield, which engages individuals, community groups and businesses in the United Nations effort to resolve the global landmine crisis. "Adopt-A-Minefield is working to rectify a horrible world crisis that maims or kills 15,000 to 20,000 people every year, of which 30 to 40 percent are children," said Organic Bouquet CEO Gerald Prolman. "All of our wreaths support sustainable farming, which encourages healthy stewardship of the earth and key to preserving our natural resources." To see Organic Bouquet's entire collection of organic and wild-crafted holiday wreaths, visit www.organicbouquet.com.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Turkey Tip You don't have to stuff yourself with all that turkey right away. Cut it up into bite sized pieces, and measure the turkey into individual freezer bags. Divide the turkey into the amounts you normally use turkey or chicken in recipes. Next time you want to make a casserole or something, your turkey is all cooked and measured for you, and you just have to toss it in with the other ingredients for a quick dinner. And it isn't as boring as two weeks of turkey sandwiches! By Lynn
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dear Diary: Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately" The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." Which is what led up to Bob asking me why there was lettuce in our bed that night. Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put a! ll ingredients in bowl and beat it." There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. Saturday: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. ( oh boy) For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. Sunday: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. Good night, Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with "Chocolate Moose." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because"; the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Morning Doves http://www.all-birds.com/Mourning-Dove.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: IE7 still too buggy 

Good Morning,   !
Wenesday,  November 22, 2006
======================================

It is not a lack of love,
but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

You have your way. I have my way.
As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way,
it does not exist.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this news report:
Apple computers
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer
chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts .
The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because
women are always complaining about men staring
at their breasts and not listening to them.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Military police in Niteroi, Brazil Police sue gym teacher Military police in a Brazilian city are suing a school gym teacher for teaching his students to play football. They complain the footballs always land in their car park, damaging cars, O Dia newspaper reports. The Military Police Association of Niteroi is taking legal action against Assad Couto, gym teacher of the Military Police Superior School next door. A school spokesman blasted: "This is ridiculous, they are a bunch of old, frustrated policeman who can't stand the vitality of our students!" But an association spokesperson hit back: "It is obvious these kids can't play football, they are hopeless! "They are constantly jumping our wall to catch the balls, if they were good they wouldn't need to do that, they would be scoring goals!" ------------ When they say "football", they actually mean what is called "soccer" in North America. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marlene Re: Wait with IE7 Dear Webby, All the techs here say that IE7 is a "half baked nuisance", or worse. Is it safe to install yet? Marlene Dear Marlene I agree 100% with your techs. IE7 was rushed out prematurely, apparently because somebody had a bet that it would be ready before the current version of Firefox. (which is just as half baked too) Luckily Microsoft is not yet forcing IE7 on you, and just letting eager beavers and silly sheep play with it, to tell them which zippers were left down and what all is missing. Just today I found out about another IE7 problem: FTP in IE7 is crippled, just like in Firefox. So, since there is no compelling reason to use that unfinished IE7, don't waste time with it yet. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 19, 2006 - Augusta, Maine - AP A German Shepherd named Levi may be old, but his hearing is still pretty good, his owner said after the dog helped police collar a burglary suspect. When 11-year-old Levi spotted a couple of prowlers trying to break into parked cars in Augusta at 3 a.m. Thursday, he growled until his owner, Joyce Luce, woke up and got out of bed. When she looked out the window, Luce saw a pair of young men in hooded sweat shirts breaking into cars. Luce called police, who arrived quickly and arrested Nathaniel Provencher, 18, of Limington, on burglary and other charges. Provencher is free on bail and police were trying to find his alleged accomplice. Augusta Police Lt. Christopher Read was glad to get assistance from Luce's pet. "We're very happy her alert dog is on watch," Read said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Replacing Turkey with Chicken in Recipes Many recipes for chicken work just as well with holiday turkey leftovers. I used a chicken curry recipe for dinner and substituted turkey. The flavor is better if the pieces of turkey are stir fried just enough to brown them. By Lynn
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Thanks to Sandie for this observation: How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages..... English I Love You Spanish Te Amo French Je T'aime German lch Liebe Dich Japanese Ai Shite Imasu Italian Ti Amo Chinese Wo Ai Ni Swedish Jag Alskar Alabama Arkansas Kansas Oklahoma Texas North Carolina South Carolina Georgia Tennessee Idaho Missouri Mississippi Montana Louisiana Virginia West Virginia Kentucky parts of Florida Nice Ass, Get in the truck
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Clear Type Font Tuner 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  November 21, 2006
======================================

Everyone thinks of changing the world,
but no one thinks of changing himself.
--- Leo Tolstoy

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
-- Laurence J. Peter

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
-- Malcolm Forbes

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in
their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play.

The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come
to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot."

Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little
boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were
going to be filled with grown-ups.

The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to
remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two
boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher
whispered for them to begin.

The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words.....
"My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch!
And fill your hole with soap."

The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot,
a postle shiss, a pot of s---t, this is bull s---t... I never
wanted to be in this lousy play anyway...

The audience left howling

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to November 17, 2006 - New Cumberland, West Virginia - AP A man facing robbery charges will receive a new trial after a juror was overheard saying the defendant should be convicted quickly so the jury could go home. The statement was allegedly made when the 12 jurors were taking a lunch break in Glenn A. Stewart's trial in Hancock County Circuit Court. Circuit Judge Martin J. Gaughan declared a mistrial Tuesday after questioning two jurors. One denied making the remark and the other couldn't verify that the remark was made. "Someone came in off the street, someone known to the court system, and said he heard one of the jurors say, 'We have to find this guy guilty in a hurry so that we can get home,"' Gaughan told the Weirton Daily Times. "The obligation to give the guy a fair trial is so strong that this is the best way to handle it." Stewart, 21, was being held in jail pending his new trial, which is scheduled for Nov., 30, said a spokeswoman for the county prosecutor's office. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD This Is AMAZING!!! Until now I never fully understood how to tell, The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now. Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely... See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. Cookie ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== My friend Judy was working at a Maine costal resort when she answered a call for information about the inn. After finishing the conversation, Judy stepped away from the desk. When the phone rang again, a student intern took the call. "I forgot to ask something." the caller said, "How are the rooms appointed?" "Well, six of them are appointed west," the student said, "and the rest are appointed east." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darla Re: IE7 Fonts Dear Webby, Thanks for your reply to my computer question. We didn't download Internet 7 from a link in an e-mail but went to the Microsoft Sight and checked for Updates. I did find something in the Help Menu in regards to blurry fonts, called ClearType. I'll work with that some. Thanks again Dear Darla I have used the ClearType setting for many years. Once upon a time, the only way to get at them was through the advanced monitor settings, then came TweakUI, and with XP we got the XP PowerToys. However, don't just turn ClearType on or off! Try tuning it first. If you go to Clear Type Tuner http://www.microsoft.com/typography/cle ... Step1.aspx you can even do it on-line. Just select the best setting on each step and when you are through, what you have selected is set into your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 20, 2006 - San Francisco, California Make love, not war. That sentiment from the 60s is being recalled by San Francisco area peace activists Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55. They're organizing what they term the Global Orgasm for Peace. On the first day of winter, the couple wants peace-lovers to stay home and make love. They said a synchronized global orgasm will give rise to a meditative-like state, which can lead to peaceful change. The couple said their global Web site is getting 26,000 hits a day. ------------------------- Good idea, but poor choice of date. Men will cheerfully cooperate, but a few days before Christmas, women seem to prefer getting frazzled about pre-Christmas sales.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting the Most out of Turkey or Chicken Bones To pull the calcium out of chicken or turkey bones add 1 ounce vinegar to each quart of water up to 4 ounces total when you are making soup stock. It will not give a vinegar taste to the soup but will draw out ALL the nutrients in the bones. By Reta
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: IE7 woes 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 20, 2006
======================================

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those
in touch with it.
-- Jane Wagner

If you think your boss is stupid, remember;
you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
-- Albert Grant

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Chris for binging back this classic:

ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a
loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or
later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped,
Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and
have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4
months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides
over and whispers,

"What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== This quiz has been around since we were kids. Do you remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to the left side or to the right side? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. You don't bury survivors. 2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. The outside. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 7 year old armed robber in Largo, Florida Armed robber, 7, in Lego heist Police in Florida are looking for a little girl, aged about seven, who tried to steal Lego at knife-point. The girl pulled a knife on a cashier at a Wal-Mart store in Largo as she tried to walk out with two boxes of Lego. Police say the girl, aged about seven or eight, hid the toys under her coat and tried to walk out, reports Tampabays10.com. A store employee approached the child, asking her to turn over the Lego blocks. Police say the little girl then opened her jacket and pulled out a 10ins carving knife. The employee talked the girl into putting down the knife and the toys. The girl then rode away on her bicycle. ===========================================
Need some thanksgiving cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Bernice, the party puppy ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to go and see you...." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "Well, what do you think," says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DRMIXON Re: IE7 Dear Webby, I was wondering if you could help me with a computer question. I just did an update to Internet Explorer 7 and now the print on my screen looks a little smaller and fuzzier. If I change the text size from medium to larger it still looks fuzzy. I had no problem with it before I did the download and I know it's not my eyes. If there something I need to do ? Also when I play a game that has a chat window, I have to keep scrolling up and down to play the game and to chat, I can't get the whole game large enough on the screen. Thanks for your help. I love your newsletter, it's just great !! D Mixon Dear D Sounds like you may have gotten the fake IE7 from Russia. If you went to a site that looked like Micrsoft's after reading an email telling you to upgrade to IE7, then your computer is infected with the fake IE7 and one or more trojans. The real IE7, that is installed automatically by Microsoft during their routine overnight automatic security patches, is not known for having those problems. You can try uninstalling the fake IE7 and getting rid of the trojans, and getting the proper IE7 from Microsoft by typing their address into the address bar manually, just like with PayPal, NEVER from a link. After that, try to correct the appearance setting damage done by the fake IE7 with TweakUI or XP-Power-Toys. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 13, 2006 - Columbus, Ohio - Columbus Dispatch Barb Jones spends her days crawling through piles of straw with a 15-pound baby gorilla on her back, sometimes climbing up on platforms inside the cage. It's all part of being a surrogate mother to baby gorillas, but that doesn't mean it's easy work for the 68-year-old Jones, who's been doing it for 26 years. ''Now, I need a little help scaling the ropes,'' she said. ''But I can't not do what they are going to do.'' Jones, a primate nursery keeper at the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, works to break the cycle of primates born in captivity who never learn how to care for their offspring. She teaches the young gorillas how to be babies while adult gorillas watch and learn their own roles. The hope is that the babies will grow up to be better caregivers that can look after their own young.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use the Crockpot for Stuffing Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the extra fat dripping from the turkey. By Linda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!" ======================================== Yesterday 65 people cared enough to check the Pervert Alerts Considering that that site is top-listed at Google, that count gives me a very strong message: Save that hour of work and use it for something of interest to more than just 65 people. I will. Today is the last live Pervert Alert Report. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== GREAT NEWSLETTER. LOVE IT ALL JOKES, PICTURES. NEW LINKS TO OPEN, JUST EVERYTHING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK DWANNA
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Karchner Cavern http://www.niler.com/kc5.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: 64 Bit upgrade 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  November 19, 2006
======================================

Political Correctness:
A doctrine fostered bya delusional, illogical liberal
minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous
mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the
clean end.
--- Kati

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your
nurse, even when you're feeling miserable.

A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering
his nurses around as if they were his employees.

But the head nurse stood up to him.

One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have
to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled
down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading,
I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually
he rolled over and bared his bottom.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard
her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just
like that until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he
cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past
his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's
doctor came into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't
you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

"Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a pocket notebook and write things down so as not to forget. Several days later, the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you're up." He says, "OK." She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd better write that down." He says, "I won't forget." She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd better write all this down." He says, "I won't forget." He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I knew you'd forget." He says, "What did I forget?" She says, "My toast!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a robber in Stuart, Florida Machete Stand - Off NOVEMBER 15--In a Crocodile Dundee-like moment, a Florida convenience store clerk repelled a machete-wielding robber by pulling out her own machete from behind the store's counter, a faceoff captured by a store surveillance camera. On Tuesday, a man wearing a blue sweatshirt and baggy jeans approached the counter of the Lil' Saints store in Stuart and pulled the weapon from his pants. After he moved away from the counter for a moment, clerk Guillermina Sanchez, 46, grabbed her machete from under the cash register. After a 20-second standoff (during which time the man frantically pressed keys on the register in a bid to open it), the robber left the business. Detectives believe the suspect in the November 13 incident was also behind a mid-October robbery at the store which netted him about $500. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/11 ... hete1.html =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Nita for tis picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn- out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing. The smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people." I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said of Hell?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== This is a true story from an Amoco Christmas party in Australia last year. At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a practical joke on their department boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes on everyone else. When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his lottery Ticket. Then, they wrote down his numbers and called over the waitress to set up a little prank. The waitress came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night's Lotto numbers. She proceeded to read the numbers (the boss's numbers) out loud before setting the numbers on the table. The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his from his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again, and checked the numbers, very carefully. Then he downed his drink, stood up on his chair, and shouted out to the whole room, "I just want to let you all know something. I've been having an affair with my secretary for months, and with my bosses secretary for years. "I don't like any of you, and I have hated working for this lousy company. You can all go to Hell, cause I've just won loads of money, and I'm leaving." He walked out of the party and was never seen again. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Old Prospector Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer Dear Webby, is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without buying a new computer? thanks, The Old Prospector Dear Old Prospector You CAN, if you buy a new motherboard, new CPU and a few other components. You can't just paint extra lines into the 32 data lanes and make 64 lanes. Just format your computer and re-install everything, and it will be a speed demon like it was on day one. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Man hands over wife to pay debt A Romanian man has handed over his wife to a creditor as payment for his debts. Emil Iancu, from tIghisu Nou, gave his wife Daniela to 72 year-old Jozef Justien Lostrie when he turned up on his doorstep to collect a £1,800 debt. Iancu said: "I had no money to pay the debt and when I told Lostrie he said he would take my wife instead. "I was scared of what he would do and so I signed a document saying Daniela would live with him." But Daniela says the deal has proved better for her. "Before I had to clean the house and look after our three children on my own, while Emil did nothing, but now I'm treated like a guest and hardly have to raise a finger," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Mashed Potatoes Ahead Making mashed potatoes at the last minute in order to keep them hot is very tricky while your juggling everything else for Thanksgiving. I make them a day or two before. I just make them as usual, sometimes adding sour cream and garlic salt. Put them in a casserole dish and refrigerate. Then on Thanksgiving, I pull them out and let set to room temperature and microwave to warm them up at the last minute. No one knows they were done early. By Candace
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Words Women Use (And What They Mean) FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A. Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing". ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby Yesterday 95 people cared enough to check the Pervert Alerts ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: World Library http://worldcat.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Lighten digital pix 

Good Morning !
Saturday,  November 18, 2006
======================================


Every increased possession loads us with new weariness.
--- John Ruskin


I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
--- Zach Braff


======================================
Text-End, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


A tenant in an apartment in Dublin phoned the police that
there was a fight going on in the apartment right over him.
So when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment,
he heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good
old Irish brawl. He rapped on the door with his night
stick and the door was opened by a very determined and
disheveled woman.


"Who's head of the family here?"


"You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're
trying to settle inside.


===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A little old man shuffles slowly into an ice cream parlor, crawls painfully onto a stool, and orders a banana split. The waitress asks, "Crushed nuts?" He replies "No, arthritis." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Barbara Joan March, 61, from Connecticut NOVEMBER 17--Until former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor recently spilled the beans, federal prosecutors had succeeded in keeping quiet the details of a plot to poison all nine members of the high court as well as two top FBI officials. During a speech at a legal conference in Texas last week, O'Connor made a passing reference to the scheme as she talked about assorted attacks on the judiciary. Barbara Joan March, a 61-year-old Connecticut resident, was sentenced last month to 15 years in prison for mailing letters "containing either a baked good or a piece of candy laced with rat poison" to the nine justices, FBI Director Robert Mueller, and another bureau official. According to an indictment, a note to O'Connor (which accompanied the spiked treat) stated, "We are going to kill you. This is poisoned." March placed the names of various acquaintances (former classmates, an ex-roommate, a former co-worker, etc.) on the letters she mailed, in an apparent bid to mask her identity. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dack in Thailand for a picture of Chiang Mai park. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old man in overalls was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, Nope." As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man muttered, "that ain't my dog. My dog is sleeping there in mah rockin chair." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms. As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm. "Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan!" "I don't know," George says, "what's your kid done now?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: Lightening pictures Dear Webby, When I try to lighten a picture that is too dark, it gets milky. Is there a way around that? I'm referring to digital photos. Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda Start with the full size original of the picure. Lighten it no more than 5%, and increase contrast 10%. Then shrink the picture about 5%. Next, increase color saturation about 5-10 percent. Repeat from the start. Here is how it works: Every time you shrink the picture, groups of pixels get averaged into single pixels or smaller groups of pixels. By exaggerating the colors when you increase saturation, you counter-act the pixels that have turned white from the lightening. Do all these maipulations in PSP or PSD format, and don't save until done. During the saving there is usually some compression, which robs color depth. Here is an example: There were dark, solid clouds overhead, and a narrow ribbon of color on the horizon. For this example I deliberately shot it too dark by opening the flash. That messes up the camera's computer, because it figures you will be taking a picture of a streaker or something that will be happening close enough to be lit up by the flash. So it shortens the exposure time accordingly. The right half of the picture is the original, the left half is the part that I lightened with the above mentioned steps. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Hi-tech walking stick German scientists have developed an intelligent walking stick that calls an ambulance if the owner falls over. Scientists at the Fraunhofer Institute for Experimental Software Development in Kaiserslautern invented the 'i-Stick'. It's part of an ongoing Assisted Living project to use technology to help elderly people. If a sensor in the i-Stick registers that it is in a horizontal position, for example if its elderly owner has fallen over, it sends a signal to a control unit which plays a message telling the owner to pick it up. If the stick remains on the floor the control box is programmed to call either an ambulance directly or a chosen relative. I-Sticks have yet to hit stores, but the scientists are currently looking for a distributor.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Remote If you have kids you can prevent gooey and dirty hands from gumming up your remote control by placing it in a ziplock bag. They can still see the controls but can't gum up the buttons.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father: "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby Yesterday 46 people cared enough to check the Pervert Alerts ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two old gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know---the one that is red and has thorns?" "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes," the man said, turning to the kitchen. "ROSE!" he shouted. "What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== Text-End, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Nov 17/06: Save videos 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  November 17, 2006
======================================

"Live so that your friends can defend you, but never have to."
--- Arnold Glasow

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts
using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
--- Evan Esar

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Linda got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered
what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a
snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what
she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if
she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the
Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television......" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan James Hathaway, 20, from DULUTH, Minn. Got Dear With A Deer The Smoking Gun Report http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1116061deer1.html =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for a picture of her cat "CC". ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== After a tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said, "Miss, would y'all give me a piece of ass?" "Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she smiled and added, "Sure, why not? It's pretty slow here right now, so let's go!" When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else?" "Yes," replied the tourist. "Where ah come from in Alabama, we lack our bourbon 'n watuh cold, so ah still need a piece uh ass for mah drink....." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Monk Re: Saving videos Dear Webby, I am just now catching up with my Webby news letters. What must I do to put your Bonus link (a Pittance of time) into my video or my music folder in my documents my computer Sir? Monk Dear Monk When you play it with MediaPlayer, let it play to the end, then click on File SaveAs and tell it where on your computer you want to park it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kidnapper shoots own testicle A would-be kidnapper shot his own testicle after tucking his gun into the waistband of his trousers. It happened as three men were attempting to kidnap a teenager in a dispute over stereo speakers in Wichita, Kansas. One of the three pulled out a gun, fired it at the teen and missed, reports the Wichita Eagle. The gunman jammed the pistol back into the waistband of his pants - and it went off, hitting him in the left testicle. The 23-year-old man's reaction to his injury caused the gun to fire again, hitting himself in the left calf. The man was arrested after he walked into a medical centre seeking help. His companions, ages 18 and 20, were also arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Your Day With a List If you are generally disorganized, get a spiral notebook and start making lists. Start by writing today's date followed by everything you need to do that day. As you finish items, cross them out with a single line, so you can still read what it said. If there is anything still on your list at the end of the day, write it at the top of the list the following day. Start your day with a list and you get more done.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
From Georgin.: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Mom can drink a LOT more than that!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting, "Touchdown!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Musical Instruments http://www.worldmusicalinstruments.com/ ... uments.asp This bonus link is from Chuck: http://www.davidrumsey.com/ David Rumsey Map Collection. A collection of over 13,600 historic maps on the internet, plus a collection of them on google earth. Chuck
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Nov 16/06: Transferring pix from camera 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  November 16, 2006
======================================

I can't listen to that much Wagner.
I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
--- Woody Allen

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
--- Jimmy Buffett

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station,
our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you worthless morons
fall out!"

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained standing
at attention.

The Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with
me, and then raised a single eyebrow.  I smiled and said,
"Sure were a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Tebbutt, from East London, South Africa Canoeist grabs shark by tail A South African canoeist got into trouble after he mistakenly grabbed a dangerous Zambezi shark by the tail. Richard Tebbutt was paddling on the Nahoon River when he saw a fisherman on the bank battling to pull in a "very big fish". The canoeist, from East London, leapt out of his canoe, intent on helping the fisherman, reports the Dispatch. "I just jumped out of my canoe and dived down and grabbed the fish by its tail. I got the shock of my life when I saw a big Zambezi shark, charging towards me," he said. "The shark quickly turned around, grabbed my left arm and lacerated it. Within a split second, I saw my blood in the river. "I just smacked the shark as hard as I could with my right arm to get it to let go of me." He succeeded in getting the 5ft predator to back off - but only for a few moments until it tried to attack him again. "I immediately jumped out of the water onto the rocks and it missed me. I could have been dead by now," he said. Back on dry land, Mr Tebbutt realised he was losing blood. His son, also out paddling, helped take him to a family friend, who rushed him to hospital where he had 50 stitches in his left arm. =========================================== =========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche fan. She told the class to raise their hands if they were true Avalanche fans like her. The children, not knowing what an Avalanche fan was, raised their hands. They too wanted to be just like the teacher, all except one little girl. She did not raise her hand. The teacher approached her and asked, "Why aren't you an Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love them." The little girl responded, "I'm a Detroit Red Wings fan." The teacher asked, "Why are you a Wings fan?" The little girl said, "Well, my parents are Wings fans." The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, "Just because your parents are Wings fans doesn't make you one. What if your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make you?" The little girl thought for a moment and said, "Well, that would probably make me an Avalanche fan." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Dr. Connie for this report: What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you. "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit. "We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. "Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that I can prescribe something for. "Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit off their tongues. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here? "This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. "Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one. "There is a lot of that going around." That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this. "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Claudie Re: Transferring pix from camera Dear Webby What is better, to take the chip out of a camera and use a chip reader to transfer the pictures to the computer, or plug the camera directly into the computer? Claudie Dear Claudie As long as you take the batteries out of the camera, you can safely, though slowly, transfer the pictures directly from the camera. If you don't take the batteries out first, they will get drained quickly. The batteries are usually 4 x 1.5 = 6Volt, and the computer USB port is 5 Volt. If you use a cheap chip reader, the transfer speed is much higher and the camera batteries are not affected. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Lovestruck Serb says it with taxis A lovestruck Serbian man hired a fleet of cabs to spell out his wedding proposal. Vujadin Stojkovic, from Arandjelovac, hired a dozen taxi drivers to propose to girlfriend Ivana Novakovic. He paid each cabbie to paint a single letter of 'udaj se za mene' - which means 'marry me' - on the side of their cabs and then pull up outside Ivana's house. When Novakovic saw the taxis and her boyfriend stepping out of one of them she burst into tears and immediately said yes to his proposal, local media reported.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Closet Organizer Plastic milk crates make great closet organizers for stacking clothing. The old sturdy milk crates are pretty hard to come by at this point, but you can purchase light weight plastic crates at the dollar store or department store that work just as well.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this story: We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the towels."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 15/06: Why PDF? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  November 15, 2006
======================================

"Quality questions create a quality life.
Successful people ask better questions, and as a result,
they get better answers."
— Anthony Robbins

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in
Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father
O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan,
didn't I marry you two years ago?"

"You did that, Father."

"And are there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father."

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light
a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father,
"how are you?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four
singles--ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your
lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody
candle of yours!"

===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Abe, an old Jewish man, was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.." So Abe asks, "Are my children here?" "Yes, daddy, we're all here," say the children. Abe inquires, "Are my other relatives also here?" And they say, "Yes, we are all here..." So Abe sits up and yells, "THEN WHY THE LIGHT IN THE KITCHEN IS ON?!?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Krasek, 20, of Portage, Indiana Woman crashes car after driving test A US woman completed her driving test - then crashed into the examiners' office. Jessica Krasek, 20, smashed into the Portage License Bureau office in Indiana, reports the Post-Tribune. She wasn't hurt when her Ford Taurus car struck the front window of the license branch office, but a bureau worker suffered a hip injury and was examined by paramedics. Portage Assistant Fire Chief Mike Bucy said Krasek was pulling into a parking space when she hit the accelerator, instead of the brake. Susan Williams, manager of the Amazing Travel shop next door, said she thought there had been an explosion. "We jumped up and we went to the door and saw the car half in and half out of the license bureau," Williams said. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture of Betty-Sue and her new Alabama Silicone job. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== At the conclusion of his lecture to a group of young recruits, the legendary paratrooper asked for questions. A hand shot up. "What made you decide to make that first jump, sir?" Without hesitating, the paratrooper replied," Ran out of fuel, 10,000 feet above a nudist camp." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A young woman ducked into an exclusive (no kids allowed) dress shop leaving her five-year-old son in charge of his one- year- old sister. When she finally emerged, there was her son pushing a different stroller, her daughter nowhere in sight. "Daniel? What are you doing?" she said. "That's not your sister!" "Shhhhhh, Mom," he replied. "This is a much better stroller. It's got REAL tires!." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Celine Re: Why PDF? Dear Webby Why do people use that annoying PDF? It's just a snooty nuisance and anyhting that can be written with PDF, I can do better with HTML. I think it's just a rip-off! Celine Dear Celine PDF means Portable Document Format. A file in that format will look and print exactly the same no matter whether it is printed on a Windows, Mac, Unix or Linux system. For example, a tax form will fill exactly one page, not one page on PCs and one page plus two lines on the next page for Mac users. The PDF format also protects the original content against easy editing. Users can't easily edit a will or a contract or invoice if it is in PDF. I won't dispute that the PDF format can be a bit of a nuisance some times, but it is a common standard, that has been agreed upon, and that will probably stick around as long as the IRS has printable tax forms. You might as well get used to it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Truants face pigsties A Romanian high school has introduced a new punishment for students who miss classes - cleaning the pigsties. Officials of the Ion Mincu High School, in Vaslui, introduced the move because they said traditional punishments were no longer effective. They believe the pigsty punishment will motivate students not to miss classes without good reason as "besides the dirty work they will suffer colleagues' irony". Headmaster Dan Magureanu explained: "This way, we believe slackers have a good chance to know how their future will look like if they don't come to school and perform their duties." The new punishment, to be performed at the school's own farm, was decided after consultations with students' parents.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Find Out What You Wear Keep your closet organized by getting rid of clothing that you no longer wear. A good way to find out what you wear is to take all the hangers and turn them around so they are facing the wrong way. As you wear, wash and return clothing back to the closet, hang the clothing the correct way. After a month or two, any clothing still facing the wrong direction should probably be stored or donated.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself. The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: " We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties...". The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you, The Chief and All Firefighters". ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby loved the pictures of Tibet, "thank you Dianne", the Dalai Lama is coming to my hometown Bendigo next year and I hope to see him. Regards, Trish from Oz
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: A Lovely World 4793 photos from 56 countries http://www.alovelyworld.com/index2.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 14/06: PDF readers 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  November 14, 2006
======================================

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by
age eighteen.
--- Albert Einstein

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run
from or fight its enemies is lunch.
--- Michael Friedman

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

 A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
 women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
 shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
 The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,

 "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law...." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ingrid Schoppenhauer, 76, from Bavaria, Germany OAP's U-turn causes nine crashes A pensioner caused nine separate crashes after executing a U-turn on a German motorway. Ingrid Schoppenhauer, 76, caused £35,000 of damage along the A9 Autobahn as drivers piled into each other. She calmly explained to officers that she had been trying to get to the Bavarian city of Bayreuth but had taken a wrong turn and got on the A9 Autobahn heading towards Berlin. She said she wanted to get off the motorway as quickly as possible and decided to do a U-turn and head back to the correct exit. No one was seriously injured in the accidents but police confiscated the woman's licence. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Chenli for this picture of the sun in late afternoon fog from her office in Quidu, China. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 1 hour and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They all got off except for a blind man and his dog. The pilot went to the back of the plane and saw the blind man. He had known him from his travels before. He approached the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the plane and stretch your legs?" "No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would." A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog. Most passengers changed their flight. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When Pastor Ovall picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the line. "Hello, Pastor Ovall?" "Yes, this is he." "I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Shipe. Do you recognize the name?" "Yes, he is a member of our congregation. How can I be of service?" "Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductible contribution to your church? Is that true?" "Well, I'll have to have my bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Shipe say he contributed?" "Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik. "Can you tell me if that's true?" There was a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied Pastor Ovall, "Call back tomorrow. By then it will be." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Better PDF viewer Dear Webby I appreciate what help you are giving. I think there is a problem with my registry. I cant use Adobe reader now because it wants me to use the latest version and now I cant install that. Do you know of any other PDF viewers. I seem to remember something in my distant path of my mind. .... lol Eventually Im going to do a re-instal. For now I'll limp by until I get up the nerve. Thanks Richard in Edmonton Dear Richard Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for the PDF readers. There is a link there to Foxit. It is smaller and faster than Adobe, and works just fine, even with ClickBook. I haven't used Adobe in years. And it's free. Especially when you are doing research and have 4-5 e-boooks open, Foxit handles that easily, without overloading your computer even while printing one with Clickbook, while reading others. I print all ebooks in paperback book size booklets, 4 pages per sheet, with ClickBook. Saves a lot of paper and ink. That's the same as a 75% discount on all ink and all paper! Also, the paperback size format, printed front and back, makes them a lot more useful than loose, full size sheets. Right now ClickBook is on special at Clickbook for under $30 (40% off regular price). Highly recommended! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Grandson's card trick An electrical engineer received a postcard from his grandson addressed simply to 'The Washing Machine Man'. James Tungate, six, sent the card as a test while on holiday in Bude, Cornwall, reports the Daily Mirror. The only address he wrote on it was 'The Washing Machine Man, Ixworth' - but his message still reached Gordon Palastanga at his Suffolk home 340 miles away. It read: "Dear Granddad, We caught 57 crabs, from James." And the lad's father Richard, 37, wrote at the top: "I bet the Royal Mail can't deliver this." Gordon, 62, said he was "chuffed" adding: "I suppose I'm well known in the area because I have been in the business so long." A Royal Mail spokesman said: "We always try to go the extra mile to deliver the post."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thread Wall Organizer Keep spools of thread out of the way but in plain view by making this easy wall organizer. Cut a piece of plywood to the desired size and attach wall hangers on the top of it. Then cover the plywood with 1 1/2 inch headless nails (finishing nails work great). Position the nails at an angle so the thread spools don't slide off. I once made pegboards like that for a girlfriend, who did a lot of embroidery. For the wood I used regular "holy" panel like you see in hardware stores. The holes were an exact match for 3/16" dowels, just perfect for holding the little styrofoam spools she used for winding the yarns onto after untangling the skeins. I cut those pegboards to fit into an attache style hard briefcase and painted them with thick and smooth high gloss marine paint. Each of those panels held a "pallette" of colors, for example one was pastels, one was bright Brazilian embroidery rayon yarns, and so on. I made it so that four pallets just snugly fit into the case. With the cover closed, the yarns were protected from dust and smoke. Easy to make and might make a nice Christmas gift. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Nina and Rosey meet for lunch and Nina seems a little depressed. "Whats wrong Nina? " asks Rosey. Nina replies, "Well, a friend of mine set me up on a blind date and I told her the criteria I was looking for in a man. " "Yeah, so, whats the problem?" asks Rosey. "Well," Nina said, "My friend must have misunderstood me, cause the guy that showed up was as smart as a horse and hung like Einstein!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they try to escape?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: Tibet http://www.chinaodysseytours.com/tibet/ ... apes01.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 13/06: Dressed Alike 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 13, 2006
======================================

Facts are stupid things.
-- Ronald Reagan

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the
importance of turning around three times before lying down.
--- Robert Benchley

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is
putting on its shoes.
-- Mark Twain

"This is a new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite
designer, On Sale."
--- Rita Rudner

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

For those of you who are Internet marketers or get some
portion of your income over the net, here is a free, no obligation
report without any sales or hype: Death Of Internet Marketing
(as we know it) It is about the changes underway now.
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There is also a free bonus attached, a report that informs
PayPal merchants about some of the obscure rules and
regulations at PayPal, which got quite a few businesses
knocked out. If you are in business, read it! It's as important
as an IRS buletin, but a lot easier to read!

It's free, with no obligation or sales. Just a precise report for
insiders. Click on:
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===========================================

I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.
My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album
one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in
matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all
alike, right down to the baby.

She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed
you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added,
looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four
came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up
any that don't belong to us."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his newspaper he replied, "About 10 years." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Greyhound Bus Lines Kicking up a stink A US family is suing Greyhound after the contents of a bus toilet were dumped through their open car sunroof. Robert and Angela Stokes and their three children, aged nine, ten and 22, were covered with feces, urine and toilet paper, reports the Toledo Blade. The family, from Ottawa County, Ohio, were returning from a meal out at a Toledo restaurant when it happened. They were following a Greyhound bus on an interstate highway when the contents of the bus's sanitary tank were suddenly dumped on their 4x4 vehicle. The waste went through the open windows and sunroof of their Ford Explorer, drenching all five family members. "My client was driving in heavy traffic. They had nowhere to go. What can you do?'' said Robert Bryce, an attorney for the family. Despite being covered with waste, Mr. Stokes followed the bus to obtain its identification information and registration number. The Stokes are seeking more than £150,000 damages from Greyhound for damage to the vehicle and their clothing, plus medical treatment and testing for infectious diseases. Mr. Bryce said the Stokes' vehicle was declared a total loss by their insurance company because the stench and filth couldn't be removed, even though the interior was steam cleaned several times. Greyhound declined to comment. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Unc Wes for this picture OOOPS ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== An old man in Austin calls his son in Dodge City (Kansas). The conversation goes as follows. Dad: Son, I hate to bring you the bad news ... but your mother and I, we are getting a divorce ... Son: WHAT?? You can't! What about - Dad: I'm sorry son! 45 years of misery is ENOUGH!! Now, I am sick of talking about it, call your sister and tell her! (CLICK) The son, nearly in tears calls his sister in New Orleans. The conversation goes as follows. Brother: Sis, Your not gonna believe this! MOM AND DAD ARE GETTING A ... A ... DIVORCE!! Sister: WHAT?!? OH NO THEY AREN'T! You stay put. I'll call you right back!! (CLICK) The sister, calls the parents in Austin and the conversation goes as follows. Daughter: YOU TWO ARE NOT GETTNG A DIVORCE!! Dad: Honey, listen - Daughter: NO YOU LISTEN! YOU ARE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING! I'M CALLING BROTHER BACK, WE'LL BE THERE THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW! DON'T DO ANYTHING! (CLICK) The father hangs up calmly and bounces his news paper to align it to his liking. He looked at his wife and said "Well, they are coming for Thanksgiving and are paying their own fares, what shall we tell them on Christmas?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeanie Re: Sorting favorites Dear Webby I know you mentioned just a few weeks ago how to alphabetize "Favorites" and I did it, but then had to get a new Mother board and do not remember how to do now so was hoping you would tell me again and this time I will print it out for future reference. Dear Jeanie Right-click on the topmost grey menu bar and take the checkmark off the STANDARD BUTTONS, then instead of the favorites showing in a long list on the left side, they pull down from the word FAVORITES. Right click anywhere in there, and you will see the option to sort. After sorting, you can put the checkmark back onto STANDARD BUTTONS, and the favorites will remain nicely sorted for a while. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 8, 2006 - U.S. - Do One Nice Thing 120 degrees in the shade? No problem! This summer Josh West and Michelle Norberg biked from Florida to California with 25 other college students. The group participated in a trip for Bike & Build, an organization that raises funds for affordable housing. Their group traveled more than 3500 miles, with stops along the way to work on three Habitat for Humanity projects. They spent a week in Slidell, Louisiana rebuilding houses demolished by Hurricane Katrina. Other projects were in Atlantic Beach, FL and in Farmington, New Mexico. The trip concluded in San Francisco. With the motto, "We are young, and we could change the world!", Bike & Build inspires young adults to push themselves hard. "We strive to encourage our participants to test their limits, reach their potential, and effect change. Our energy is contagious, and there is much to be done." And they're careful. Their participants have cycled more than 665,000 miles, without any serious injury or accident. Josh, 24, and Michelle, 22, graduated from the University of Florida, Gainesville, last May. Josh has a degree in Exercise Science and is teaching physical education at an elementary school. He is also a triathlete and marathoner. Michelle graduated with a degree in Elementary Education and has entered a Master's degree program in Counseling at U.F. Every participant was required to raise $4,000 for affordable housing. All proceeds of the trip were contributed to the Slidell Habitat for Humanity.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vacuum Your Sewing Machine Over time, particles of dust, pieces of thread and other debris can buildup inside your sewing machine and cause it to run poorly. Remove the thread, bobbin and face plate and vacuum out the inside of your sewing machine periodically.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: OOOPS http://www.zianet.com/tedmorris/dg/bombers4.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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