What is an IP number? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, December 31, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

If you need some New Year's cards, go to http://dawna.com
I just put up 56 with a suitable winter theme, 
many of them pictures, that I have used here, and
none of them overlaid with sappy messages. You
can add those yourself, if required.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault." --- John Henry Newman "Count your age with friends but not with years." --- Socratex
Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up." The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten, and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he said to himself: "Man. Nothing goes right. I'll bet that truck won't be there either!" TWACK he bombed into a huge manure pile. Just as he burrowed his way out and saw daylight again, the head of his buddy popped out of the manure a few feet away and in his slow Texan drawl sang out: "...an one ahs TAN!" ------------------- When I was a kid, I heard that story about Swiss paratroopers. The only difference was that instead of a waiting truck, it was a waiting bicycle, and the slow talking buddy was from Bern, the Swiss capital.
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Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Helloooo, Sandy. What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pastor Sandy McGriff, 52, in Dallas, Texas Pastor caught in Christmas Eve break-in A Dallas pastor accused of stealing more than $10,000 worth of fur coats, designer purses and electronics from a church member's home on Christmas Eve says that she's really innocent. "I thought I was helping," Sandy McGriff, 52, told reporters by way of explaining why she was found at the home of Serita Agnew by police last week. McGriff, pastor of the Church of the Living God, spent part of Christmas Day in jail, and was released on $26,000 bail. Police responded to a neighbor's 911 call around 5:30 pm on Friday, according to The Dallas Morning news. Officers found a broken kitchen window and saw McGriff carrying two fur coats out of the house. They also found a laptop and three purses in McGriff's Jaguar. From the Morning News' initial report: McGriff told officers that a friend had sent her to pick up her coats and that her arm was injured because she could not find a key under the doormat and had to break in through the window. Police called the resident, Serita Agnew, who told them she had not given anyone permission to go into her house or take her property.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosemarie Re: What is an IP number? Dear Webby I don't know what IP stands for.. Can U enlighten me.. Happy New Year to you.. Tschüss...Rosemarie Dear Rosemarie An IP adress is a unique number, which identifies a computer and its location on the internet, like a very precise, world wide postal code. Depending on your Internet account, you can have a fixed IP number, that is reserved for you, or you can have a dynamic IP number. With a dynamic IP number, your ISP just assigns the next free number to you, whenever you go onto the net. ISPs keep records of who had which number at what times. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pack Up Christmas For New Years New Year's Christmas decorations usually make me a little sad. So this year I have decided to make a new tradition. Throughout the week between Christmas and New Year's, we are taking down some of the decorations we have throughout our home, and ceremoniously storing them away. On New Year's Eve we will slowly take down our tree, counting down as we go! This would be great for children to participate in. We obviously don't go out and party on New Year's Eve. We usually stay at home with some food trays, and watch the festivities on TV. This way, we are "prepared" for the New Year to come! :D By AHA! from Sterling, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to beth for this story: During a weekly weight-loss class, the group leader was extolling the merits of the program's prepared-food products. She raved about the rich, delicious flavor of the imitation chocolate fudge and the nondairy pop tarts, assuring us that we could eat them without the least fear of ruining our diets. The woman next to me nodded her head emphatically and then whispered, "They're even better when you spread peanut butter and jam on them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
According to women... "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with." According to men.... "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a head- ache."

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How do I find my IP number? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 30, 2010

Sure was winterly today! Blizzard and fog and -15 to -18. None
of that gullible warming here, just old-fashioned winter. I envy
those of you in Australia and New Zealand, who can swim in
the lakes and rivers, instead of walking on them. 
Just be careful not to make it look like fun, or the fuddy-duddies
will send the cops out after you! See today's Bonehead
Award.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels." --- Groucho Marx The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
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A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones having gone to see his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 3 teenagers in Ipswitch, Australia Dogooders freaking about teens matressing on river IPSWICH, Australia (UPI) -- Australian police said three teenagers were charged with public nuisance after attempting to float down a river on air mattresses. Police said two 17-year-olds and an 18-year-old were arrested after getting onto the flood augmented Bremer River in Ipswich and attempting to float to Brisbane, a distance of more than 18 miles, on inflatable bed mattresses, the Australian Broadcasting Corp. reported. Investigators said they received 10 emergency calls about the teens, who were captured about 9 miles from where they started. Police said the teens were arrested for the "foolish and dangerous" stunt and will appear in court on public nuisance charges. Whenever the drought ends, like it just did, the Bremer River has enough water, so that the 18 mile journey can be completed all on water. They couldn't call out the Navy, even though the teens appeared to be enjoying themselves, because the water in the river is not deep enough for the navy, however, some officers apparently waded out and captured and arrested them. Unlike NorthAmerica, where tubing, mattressing and white-water rafting is popular, in that part of Australia it seems to be too much like having fun and is frowned upon.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martha Re: Finding my IP number Dear Webby How do I find out what IP number my ISP has assigned to me ? Thanks Martha Dear Martha You can go to http://webby.com/ip and I will instantly show you your IP address. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked impressed. "Gee," he asked, "How do you start a flood?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Poinsettias The holidays are all done and the pretty poinsettias are put away. My church had decorated the stage area with these beautiful 3 foot high poinsettias. I called my church to ask what they were going to do with them after the celebrations were over. I was told that after January 6, I could take my pick. I hauled off 5 of the wonderfully colorful plants and spaced them around my lanai. What does your church do with the plants and flowers that they decorate the church with? By soyzicks from HI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Once when I was a teenager and I had to have an emergency operation, Pop was there and was watching every move the doctor made. At one point he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anaesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," Pop explained, "He don't know nothing now."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed a Million years ago when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the freeway!"

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Faster Way To Pour Beer! 

This is cool!


EMBED-Beer Filled From The Bottom - Watch more free videos


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Haunted Icons 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Thank you JRB!

Quite a few asked me how to make Silver Water. 
You need some reasonably pure silver, not regular coins. 
Yes, I know, the silver price quadrupled since the election,
but you don't need much, just a few micrograms. A foot
of very fine wire will last you a lifetime.

You can get fine silver wire from for as little as $3 per foot from
http://www.ccsilver.com/silver/superfines.html

Then you need some melted snow or distilled water. Snow is 
cheap these days, and if you are in Florida, fridge frost
will do fine too.

Here is the high-tech method for connecting everything.


Let it run 5 to 15 minutes, or until the water has a light
golden sheen. That's all there is to it.

Silver Water is a powerful antibiotic and works great, 
if you use it only when needed, when your body's immune 
system needs a boost or helping hand. 

If you use it constantly as a preventative medicine, it 
could make your immune system lazy.
Also, if abused by taking it daily for decades, the silver 
can accumulate under the skin and make it look grey. 

Just taking it a few times a year does not have any 
side effects.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"A century ago women wore unmentionables; today they wear nothing to speak of." --- Socratex "A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally." --- Lillian Day
Sandie just skyped me and told me.... I just finished talking with my friend in Minneapolis. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.... His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in...
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Things were rather slow so Bobbie, the reporter for the local newspaper, went to the vocational school and visited each classroom. But things were rather slow there too. In Tailoring nobody had sown through any interesting body parts, just the instructor had sown her sleve to a student's workpiece again, but she already had published a similar picture. No blood in carpentry. Nobody had parked any engine on their foot in automotive, and the guy with the transmission on his chest under the Edsel had not moved since last month. As a last resort, Bobby went to Hospitality to see if their new French chef had at least some freebie lunch. No such luck. All the students were busy stirring some gluey gunk in huge soup pots with big wooden spoons. Bobbie asked the chef if it was a French tradition to use wooden spoons for stirring. "No", he replied. "Management deezisson." Bobby asked why management dared to interfere with his superior skills. "If ve hafe 30 of zese bimbos beatin metal pots wizz metal spoonz, zen I go crezie, an zen I kill zem all before zey finish pay for zeir tuition, an ze management, zey dount like dat."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Andrew Hoffman, 25 of Vancouver, Wash. Christmas Reveler Reports Himself To Iowa City Police For Being Too Drunk To Drive Published: December 28, 2010 Iowa City police say a 25-year-old man called 911 to report a drunken driver: himself. According to the Iowa City Press-Citizen, police say Francisco Castro called the emergency number around 8:30 on Christmas morning. Officers found Castro sitting in the driver's seat of a running vehicle. Police say Castro told officers that he called 911 because he thought he was too drunk to drive. A follow-up test showed his blood-alcohol level was nearly three times the legal limit. Unfortunately, even if he wasn't driving but just warming up, they will throw the book at him. He was in care and control of a running vehicle while drunk. He shouldhave warmed up in a cab.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joy Re: Haunted computer Dear Webby I let Gramma send some postcards from my computer, and now it's haunted! I had all my work icons arranged just right along the left margin, nice and tight in clusters for different projects, some of them slightly overlapping to save space but still accessible. Now they are all in rigid formation, all apart, and when I drag them to where they should be, they jump back! HELP! Joy Dear Joy Gramma seems to have accidentally turned on "Auto-Arrange", one of the least useful features. Just right-click on any blank area on the desktop, choose ARRANGE ICONS, and take the checkmark off "Auto-Arrange". Done. Now they will stay where you put them. Once you got all the icons back where they belong, you might want to get "Save My Desktop" from my Toolbox at http://webby.com/tools It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying until she glanced at my grandparents. My grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing. After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst. "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied, "but George hates beeing wheeled about when he is sleeping and I had promised to wake him up a few minutes before it was over."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stock Up On Sale Christmas Candy None of us need that Christmas candy that's on sale dirt cheap after Christmas, but be creative and think about the possible uses for it. I have bought chocolate Kisses, M & M's, etc., at 50-75% off. I take them home and use them to bake with. Use them in the place of chocolate chips in cookies. Chop up those Santas and add to cookies, or shave them up to use on top of pudding desserts. There are a lot of uses for them. By Terri from WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look like there will be any more." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" The clerk smiled and said... "Muggings in the store."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

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Anti-Glare screen 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Thank you Louis!

"Swine flu pandemic sweeping through England..."
Yeah, sure. I take those headlines with a big grain of salt. 
It's flu season in a cold and clammy country, same as every
year. The old Romans complained about that too, and after 
a few years decided to go home to sunny Italy.

And naturally, people, who had their immune system weakened
by flu shots, will be the first to catch and spread the new
and improved designer-flu of the year.

Not me. I'm busy, no time for flu.
When I notice the first sign of a flu trying to build up to
nuisance level, an occasional slight tingling at the edges 
of the lips, I dig out the real silver (100% pure bank siver,
not regular coins or cutlery), melt some snow or get 
distilled water, and make a big mug of silver water. 
One mug of that, a second one half a day later, 
and flu season is usually over for me.

If I am run down from too much work and not enough sun, 
or if I didn't catch the flu at the onset, or if I am traveling
and have no access to my silver, then I use the Hillbilly
method. I clean out my ears really well, spray some WD40
into them 5 minutes before a shower, and once they are
good and dry again, use an eye dropper or a bottle cap
to pour 5 - 6 drops of Hydrogen Peroxide into each ear.

Quite unlike from when you pour Hydrogen peroxide onto an
infected cut, it does not hurt or burn in the ears. It feels
cool. Apparently the flu bugs nest in the tube, that runs from
the ear to the back of the mouth. Wiping them out in their
nest gives your body a chance to cope with and wipe out 
what is left of them. 

Naturally, bringing up your vitamin levels by pigging out on
a big salad helps too. So does sunshine. The more you can
stack the deck in your favor, the faster you will beat the flu.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error." --- John Kenneth Galbraith "It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them." --- Mark Twain "Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud." --- Sophocles "The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit." --- Eric Porterfield ----------------- ( The technical term for that is: "Percussive maintenance" )
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. If it is Coast Guard, it's still light outside. If it's a Cessna: It's four hours of golfing light left. If it's a Piper: Pub's open."
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The CIA lost track of one of its agents, and called in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in Dublin. He says to the bartender: "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on the bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He used to live on the top floor in 205, right down the street on the left, but he went into hiding. " No more was forthcoming from the bartender until the spyhunter paid for a round. "It's going to be misty around noon as well."
Click through the picture to the large version. Hvalfjorour fjord in Akranes near Reykjavik
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Andrew Hoffman, 25 of Vancouver, Wash. $450K in drugs found on man passed out in taxi Chicago, Ill A frustrated cabdriver unwittingly delivered a man carrying a bag that was allegedly filled with nearly a half-million dollars in drugs to officers at the Rogers Park District police station over the weekend. The driver, who asked not to be named, said he picked up a fare in the Lincoln Park neighborhood on Saturday afternoon and took the man to an address in Rogers Park. The passenger, later identified by police as Joseph Andrew Hoffman, 25, chatted on his phone for about half the trip but was unconscious by the time they arrived at the destination, the cabdriver said. The cabdriver said he tried to rouse the man for about 10 minutes before driving to the police station. Police searched the man's bag and found bottles of a "clear, crystalline substance" connected by wires to a "power source," which together apparently amounted to a miniature methamphetamine lab, according to a police report. The street value of the drugs in the man's bag was nearly $450,000, the police report said. Hoffman, of Vancouver, Wash., was taken to St. Francis Hospital in Evanston. Police said he consented to a search of a residence in the 800 block of West Dakin Street, where officers found a gallon jug filled with suspected GHB, the so-called date rape drug; small bags of marijuana; $1,401 in cash; and other drug paraphernalia, the report said. Hoffman was charged with six felony counts and on Sunday was ordered held on $100,000 bail by a Cook County judge. The cab that brought Hoffman to police was searched by a Chicago Fire Department hazardous materials team. Police didn't tell him what they had found on the passenger when they returned the car, the cabbie said. "They said they found a lot of bad stuff. My only concern was to collect my fare," the cabdriver said Sunday. "It was going on and on, and I didn't even get my full fare."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Glare filter Dear Webby I can't move the monitor for my computer because it's more or less built into the receptionist desk at work, and I certainly can't move the window to cut the reflections. Have you got any ideas that might help, and that are CHEAP ? Fran Dear Fran Get some large size black pantyhose, stretch it over the monitor really tightly and secure it with duck tape. It doesn't look that great, but it works well enough that they might authorize the $30 or so, that a store bought glare filter costs. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
Ronnie volunteered to strip the bricks from the exterior of in-law's house. One morning he was out front chipping away when a man came by looking for his father-in-law. "He's not here," Ronnie said. The man thanked him, watched him remove a few more bricks, and said, "I'll bet next time they'll leave the key for you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Lists for Planning My husband teases me because I have inherited a family trait of making lists for everything! It sure helps when we go shopping, so I know exactly what we need for recipes, etc. Sometimes I bring photocopies of recipes I will be baking, so that if I decide to double the recipes, I will know exactly how much to buy. Before a big event or trip, I always make separate lists for "Things To Do", "Things To Buy", and "Things That Must Be Packed". I don't know what I would do without my lists. I make copies of all of the lists, I put these lists in separate large zipped freezer bags, and put one set of copies folded individually in my purse, so they stay in my purse, and are handy for shopping trips. I find making a list of "Things That Must Be Packed" handy when you are done your trip and don't want to forget any items at the Hotel or relatives house. By Ilove2sew932 from Chatham, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked the little five-year-old how he liked the new place. "It's really cool," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. Only mom still has to bunk with dad."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Most women would rather have beauty than brains, because beauty gets them close enough, that men stop thinking anyway.

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MailWasher slowed down 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, December 27, 2010

From this distance, the air and rail and freeway traffic problems
in Europe seem rather funny. 
Record snow falls? No, not really. Just gradually ramping up to
what was the norm in the 60's and 70's.

Well, it couldn't be the increase in traffic, since that would 
be helping to blow the snow off the runways and roads. 
Also, last time I checked, there is no shortage of salt in the
ocean, and many underdeveloped countries are selling salt
at record low prices.

Turns out that in the 60's they relied on snow ploughs and
snow blowers. During the warm ripple, they switched to salt.
Now they are finding out the hard way, that salt does not
work well enough when it is really cold.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
When you're through changing, you're through. -- Bruce Barton Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. -- Putt's Law
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot- ball game."
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the football game, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort, to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "Well, I want to go to Montana, as there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Idaho; there are only 25 nuns living there." One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and calmly asked, "Why don't you go to hell? There aren't any nuns there!"
Yesterday (26th) evening from my office window Click through the picture to the large version. Chinook! The wild, torn up low storm coulds are from the warm Chinook coming down from the mountains and literally tearing up the snow. Above that is the usual cler band, and where that torn up snow and wind bounces off the foothills back up to jet altitude, you see the "Chinook Arch". And a week from now, don't get caught in Toronto or Chicago!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk from St Andrews, Manitoba Drunk snowmobiler falls after taunting RCMP Last Updated: Friday, December 24, 2010 | 10:30 AM CST An intoxicated man was arrested after falling off his snowmobile in front of RCMP in rural Manitoba. The 35-year-old man was taunting officers, swearing at them and spinning his snowmobile around in circles in a hotel parking lot in Petersfield, Man., at about 12:30 a.m. Friday morning. The man was so intoxicated that he eventually fell off of his machine directly in front of police while doing circles around them. He was arrested for impaired operation of a motor vehicle and his snowmobile was impounded and towed. The man, from the Rural Municipality of St. Andrews, was later released from custody, but they impounded his 2011 Polaris and he is scheduled to appear in provincial court in Selkirk in February. Very dumb idea. The RCMP not only have the fastest snowmobiles in the country, many of them confiscated from smart-asses, but they have airborne back-up.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frieda Re: Slow mailwasher Dear Webby My MailWasher, -Thanks for telling me about it ! - , is getting really slow. What now ? Frieda Dear Frieda Dump the black-list. Since spammers rarely forge the same sending address twice, it of not much use anyway. You can even set the black-list to self-clean and age off in 24 or 36 hours. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
Thanks to Rolly for this story: Two men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done... As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my minimum fee for moving vehicles: $90. $15 extra if it was a rush job.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Artificial Wreath and Garland Storage If you have purchased a comforter or large blanket that comes in a plastic bag with a zipper, reuse the bag to store your artificial wreaths and garlands. I have a large clear one with a handle that holds my silk Christmas wreath and garland that I use on my mantel every year. The clear bag makes it easy to recognize and it doesn't get dusty. By Mel from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bobby tells his foreman: "Boss, my wife's mother is moving, again. And I am supposed to help and move her 10 tons of silly antiques to some other top floor apartment. And as usual, it's on short notice. Tomorrow." "Well, Bobby,....", the foreman answred, " ..we're rather shorthanded these days and I can't give you a day off right now. And I'll be needing the company truck for work tomorrow." "Thanks, Boss!", Bobby beamed, "I knew I could count on you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

» Fantastic Pictures





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Plug-in Strips 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, December 26, 2010

The 26th used to be St Walmart's Day, with people lining up 
outside the store for the Boxing Day specials, truckloads of 
cheap junk hauled in to satisfy the shopping frenzy. 
Not this year, I hear. No specials. No extra staff either. 
Maybe they will try it again after the next election.

Looks like we might be returning to more family and friends
oriented Christmases.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!
"The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor." --- Vince Lombardi Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. --- Robert Frost Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. --- Abba Eban
From Bill: You might appreciate this, since it's similar to a blurb in today's email: I was driving my daughter and grandchildren from California to Mississippi. It was late at night and we pulled into a town in the Texas panhandle looking for a motel. The first had no vacancies, nor did the second, or the third. As I climbed back into the car, my oldest granddaughter sighed and said, "This is just like Mary and Joseph!" We got a good laugh, and found a room at the fourth motel. It was a pretty cheap place. I thought to myself, "It's still too much like Mary and Joseph!" Love your jokes! Bill
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce. Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Is there enough money or property to pay for my services? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Then you have grounds.
Yesterday morning from my office window Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a ballon pilot in Midvale, Utah Balloon takes Santa on wild ride after pilot falls out Date: Saturday Dec. 25, 2010 6:43 AM ET MIDVALE, Utah — If only Santa was as good with hot air balloons as with reindeer sleighs! Santa took a wild ride Christmas Eve when his balloon took off without a pilot. The Salt Lake Tribune reports that Santa was tossing candy to kids from the balloon during a school fundraiser when the craft landed too hard and the pilot tumbled out. That left Santa alone and the lighter balloon shot back into the air. Police Sgt. Torin Chambers says Santa travelled 1.7 miles (3 kilometres) across the Utah town of Midvale before the craft lost enough air to come down. A crowd at the school tailed the balloon through town and helped hold it down once it landed.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ramona Re: Plug-In strips Der Webby I needed more electrical outlets for all the gadgets that connect to the laptop, so I got a second plug strip and plugged that into the first one. Everything worked fine, but when a friend of mine saw that, he freaked out and told me I would burn the house down by doing that. Both plug strips have surge protectors and little overload breakers, and the wall socket is also protected with a breaker at the panel. His explanation didn't make sense to me but he was dead serious. Is there anything I don't know about and that I should worry about ? Ramona Dear Ramona Except for your choice of friends, what you are doing is perfectly OK and absolutely nothing to worry about. The power used by all those gadgets doesn't amount to much. Most likely all of them together, including your laptop, use less than a quarter of what a hair dryer would use. The breaker at the panel will ensure that you don't overload anything. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
After a lecture, we were invited out for lunch. I casually mentioned to the lady that I was allergic to cats. "That's okay," the woman said. "I'll serve something else.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com After Christmas Shopping Tips and Ideas http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bill said the power went out again in L.A. His wife, Kathy had heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and the doctor walked in. Coming to an abrupt halt, he looked his patient up and down carefully. "Miss Jones," he said, "it seems quite obvious that until today you have never had an eye exam. Looks like I have to re-arrange my afternoon schedule and postpone some patients. "

» Brilliance personified





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Bad Santa! 


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Merry Christmas! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas,  !



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, --- Tom Robbins
Our neighbour used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter said. "My appendicitis is on the wrong side."
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study to determine why married women love Chinese food in general and Won Ton soup in particular. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is: Not Now.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Going to shool during the last ice age. Must have been in a previous life, since I am only 29 in this one. Dianne
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Grant Ison, 21 in Oxford, Ohio Treejacking DECEMBER 22--A drunken Ohio college student is facing a disorderly conduct rap for attempting to chop down a 30-foot pine tree that he intended to use as a Christmas tree. Grant Ison, a 21-year-old student, was collared last Sunday at 2:15 AM after his harebrained attempt to bring down the tree, which was in an alley off an Oxford street. When confronted by a cop--who asked Ison whether he was aware that the tree was 30 feet tall--the student replied, “I was going to just cut it down then cut off the top.” Ison lives around the corner from where he attempted his urban lumberjack act. When an Oxford Police Department officer wondered why he would try such a thing, Ison “replied that he was pretty hammered right now.” Not surprisingly, the patrolman “detected an odor of alcoholic beverage emitting from his breath,” according to a police report. Ison explained that he had been using an ax, but a friend ran off with it when police arrived on the scene of the attempted treejacking. Cops noted that a second tree, height unspecified, had also been damaged during Ison’s early morning tree hunt.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: No questions today --------------------- No answers either. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
Thanks to Rose for this: I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas "Morning" With Grandchildren This is for all grandparents that miss the grandchildren on Christmas morning. My husband and I have done this for years. With everyone so busy now, grandparent time is often the last on the list. So, we arrange for an overnight with the grandchildren, sometimes before Christmas and sometimes it works out to be January. It gives the parents a chance to shop for the kids or have a night to themselves. We pretend that it's Christmas Eve and bake cookies and watch Christmas shows. We hang up our stockings. Then Christmas morning, we have the thrill of watching them open our gifts and those the grandchildren have for us. Then instead of a regular Christmas Dinner, we have a lunch like Poutine Fries, and mini homemade pizzas with ice cream sundaes with all the toppings. The kids love it, no matter if it's before or after Christmas. We, of course, go right to bed as soon as the parents arrive to pick them up, LOL. It is so worth it and its allowed us to be there for Christmas morning every year. Hope you like the idea, it's a private special time for us that we hope to continue for many years. By GAILDARLENE from Toronto. Ontario, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ann for this: We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, "Sorry, no vacancies." Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, "Mom, are we vacancies?"

» Christmas around the world





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Salesman 

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.

It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"

Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"



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Best way to take Christmas pictures 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, December 24, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thanks Moe !
I sure appreciate it!



I don't remember much about Christmas gifts 
from when I was a kid. What I do remember 
is dressing up nice and warm and hiking up
to the church for midnight mass. The church
is on a rock cone that sticks up out of the 
valley, and was lit up nicely with huge 
lighthouse type search lights and you could 
see it for miles. 

Trudging up there in the snow, with other
families wee quietly joining until close to the 
church it was a contiguous procession.

Mass itself was in Latin and thoroughly 
boring, but everybody patiently sat through
it, and there were always quite a few, 
who were peacefully snoring.

When the latin mumbo jumbo was finally over, we all filed
out and down the big stairs to the parking lot, and stood 
there waiting. People talked in hushed voices to others
nearby, but didn't mill around. If kids talked loudly, they
were instantly shushed and/or swatted. 

After what seemed a very long time the cannon ports on the
round tower swung open and showed a light and tiny figures.
(There were no cannons behind those barn door size ports,
but the big 50 ton bell.)
Everybody shut up. Can you imagine how a kid feels, when
500 grown-ups and all their kids suddenly SHUT UP?

Then the tiny figures way up there in the tower, 
which actually were the village brass band, started playing
"Silent Night, Holy Night". Not in their usual boisterous
manner, but soft and sweet and tender.
It was awesome. 
You could see tears on the faces of grown-ups, but no
kid dared to ask or even cough or shuffle their feet.
It was MAGIC. 
Forgotten were the gifts, the silly Latin mumbo-jumbo,
the icy cold feet. This was the real magic of Christmas.

After "Silent Night" they played some other Christmas
songs, but people dabbed their eyes and started the 
trek home. From the parking lot, which is about at the level
of the light spot on the left in the picture, it is about half
a mile down to the valley floor. By the time we got down
to level ground, people were talking again and calling out
greetings to each other, but the magic still lingered in the
air.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married. --- H.L. Mencken
"Stop on red, go on green, and slow down when I turn purple."
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
The wife appeared at the breakfast table in curlers and a worn bathrobe. The husband looked up from his newspaper and said, "Why can't you look like you did when you moved in here 15 years ago ?" "I'm not pregnant, and not trying to get married!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Berlinda Dixon-Newbold, 38, Ft Lauderdale, Florida Woman set fire to boyfriend's crotch because he wouldn't talk to her Berlinda Dixon-Newbold, 38, fancied a chat with boyfriend Sheldon Gonzales. But Sheldon was not in the mood for a chinwag and instead decided that a nice nap was much more to his liking. Dixon-Newbold took such exception to being ignored that she grabbed the nearest available lighter and set fire to his crotch. A startled Sheldon managed to put the fire out with his hands before the couple engaged in a heated argument. When Gonzales tried to leave, Dixon-Newbold confronted him at the door, and a "heated argument" broke out. A neighbor called police, who showed up and arrested the 38-year-old woman for aggravated assault. Dixon-Newbold is being held on $6,500 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: best way to take Christmas pictures Dear Webby, What is the best way to take pictures at Christmas? Now don't tell me with my clothes off! I am not Russian. I mean what should I do with the camera, so that the pictures come out half decent and show the kids and the tree properly? I just have a cheap digital camera. Thanks Olga --------------------- Dear Olga Get a 500 Watt Quartz work-light from Home Depot or Walmart or any hardware store. They usually come with a tripod or pedestal, and have a sturdy cast aluminum housing and a grill in front of the light. Prices range from $30 - $150, but the cheapest 500 Watt Quartz light produces just as much light as the most expensive one. Set that up in a corner, preferably head high or higher, Then set your camera to NOT use the flash, and if necessary put some duck tape over the flash. If your camera has a large lens, then you can use a lower wattage light or have it farther away. Ideally, the light should be a few feet to the side and behind the person, who takes the pictures. It also helps, if the camera is on a tripod or nestled in a baggie filled with sad or flour and sitting on some furniture. Because of the low light conditions, the camera takes a longer shot and the slightest jitter causes th pictures to be fuzzy. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one. "How are you going to do that?" "Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied. "I'm a lightbulb." "I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him. "Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted. "I can't work in the dark," he said.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas "Morning" With Grandchildren This is for all grandparents that miss the grandchildren on Christmas morning. My husband and I have done this for years. With everyone so busy now, grandparent time is often the last on the list. So, we arrange for an overnight with the grandchildren, sometimes before Christmas and sometimes it works out to be January. It gives the parents a chance to shop for the kids or have a night to themselves. We pretend that it's Christmas Eve and bake cookies and watch Christmas shows. We hang up our stockings. Then Christmas morning, we have the thrill of watching them open our gifts and those the grandchildren have for us. Then instead of a regular Christmas Dinner, we have a lunch like Poutine Fries, and mini homemade pizzas with ice cream sundaes with all the toppings. The kids love it, no matter if it's before or after Christmas. We, of course, go right to bed as soon as the parents arrive to pick them up, LOL. It is so worth it and its allowed us to be there for Christmas morning every year. Hope you like the idea, it's a private special time for us that we hope to continue for many years. By GAILDARLENE from Toronto. Ontario, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Emergency services have asked Microsoft and Nokia to team up. They want them to develope a digital cell phone that crashes. They are hoping that occasional crashes will allow other family members to call emergency services if needed, even if there is a teenager with telefonitis hogging the phone.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, Bubba finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back."

» Christmas Songs





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Nothing New Here 

"The budget should be balanced,
the Treasury should be refilled,
public debt should be reduced,
the arrogance of officialdom should be
tempered and controlled,
and the assistance to foreign lands
should be curtailed
lest Rome become bankrupt.
People must again learn to work,
instead of living on public assistance."
--- Cicero - 55BC


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Ad-Free Sites 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 23, 2010

Rumors, that China has donated a Million tons of salt to England,
so that the cars rust out faster, are just a rumor. Some joke that
it was Volvo, who donated the salt, to promote their stainless
steel cars.

Skype experienced major problems today. They are feverishly 
working on restoring service, and I can really sympathize with
their techs. The way Skype is set up, with a lot of the routing
"outsourced" to countless servers and user computers, don't
expect your service to come back and stay good. It will come
back for a minute or two, then be off again. During that minute 
it works perfectly, but then somebody else will get a chance
to blast out, whatever they have queued up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." --- Cicero - 55BC
If marriage were outlawed, then only outlaws would have inlaws.
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions ... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Haynes, 19, of Largo, Florida Robber identified by dropped phone LARGO, Fla., Dec. 21 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a robber was arrested after dropping his cellphone during a struggle with his victim. Apparently Ryan Haynes, 19, of Largo, pulled a gun on a mentally handicapped McDonald's employee outside the restaurant Sunday night and demanded money, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Tuesday. Police said the victim was forced to the ground after telling the robber he didn't have any money and Haynes attempted to take his car keys. However, the victim fought back and Haynes fled, apparently dropping his cellphone in the process. Officers said they used the phone to identify Haynes as the suspect and he was arrested less than two hours after the incident. Haynes was charged with robbery with use of a firearm and taken to the Pinellas County Jail in lieu of $50,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: James Re: Ad free site Dear Webby, I tried to put up a family site, where everybody, in our far flung family could contribute pictures and stories, but I didn't want it with all the restrictions of Farmville or WordPress, so I got a free site. After all, it's easy enough to save any Open Office file as a web page. When I showed my pride and joy to my lady, there was a banner from a competitor on top. I would much rather pay a fair price than have other companies or peoples banners on top of my work. What do you recommend? James --------------------- Dear James That is exactly how I got started about 17 years ago. Because I had no clue and no help, I spent over $100 by the time I had my site up without banners. Since then I have helped people to do the same, for a lot less money than what I paid. You can get a site like http://4mylove.com/james with all professional features, for $2 a month, and NO banners. For $2.50 a month you can get http://james.4mylove.com, or http://james.martian-underground.com, or james.dawna.net, or james...... at any of dozens of domain names I can use for that purpose. If you want a domain name of your own, the name registration is $10 a year, and the hosting is $4.50 a month for a regular site, with all professional features and without banners. You can put your own banners up, if you want, but they will be yours, not mine. Have FUN! DearWebby By the way, if any of you want a quick Christmas site, You can have one for $5. Pick a name to go after 4mylove.com or dawna.net, pick some pictures from http://dawna.com, there are 112 Christmas / Winter pictures to pick from, and email me what text you want. An hour later your site will be up. You can, of course add more pictures and text, if you want, or leave it as is. Up to you. You can edit your site at any time, and after the initial set-up, it's just $2 a month. Can you afford to pass on a deal like that? Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took a nicely glowing piece of iron out of the forge and with his long metal tongs held it it over the horn of the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peeling Oranges for Recipes When using oranges to make a fancy dessert or salad, remove the white membrane on them by soaking the oranges in boiling water for 5 minutes before you peel them. By Sandy from Graettinger, IA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word, what you shouldn't have said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A voice on the airport loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact Security."

» Out of Africa





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It's All Relative 


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Gmail picture sending problem 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Has anybody figured out what will happen, if England keeps
throwing salt the way they are? 1.5 MILLION TONS so far this
winter. For such a small country, that is an awful lot of salt!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. --- Arthur C. Clarke
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
A mother traveled 2,000 miles to be with her only son on the day he was to receive his Air Force wings and also get married. "It was wonderful," she said later. "It isn't every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the evening."
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clement Hunter, 30, NY NYC driver with 513 pounds of pot trps himself in dead end NEW YORK, Dec. 19 (UPI) -- A driver who fled a routine traffic stop in New York City early Sunday was arrested with 513 pounds of marijuana, police said. Clement Hunter drove his rented Dodge Caravan through a red light at Farmers and Merrick boulevards in Queens around 4 a.m., police told the New York Daily News. Officers said they tried to pull him over, but the driver sped off and ended up on a dead-end street. "He kind of traps himself. The officers basically block him off and he tries to flee on foot," a police spokesman said. "We grab him, and inside the Caravan we find 513 pounds of marijuana." Hunter, 30, of Jamaica, Queens, was charged with criminal possession of marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martin Re: Gmail problems Dear Webby, For the past couple of weeks, many of the emails I forward have gone out WITHOUT the photos included. Really getting me pissed, but have no idea why this is happening now. It also happened to the last photo you sent. Meanwhile I don't even find it in my 'sent' mail. Any ideas?? -- Martin --------------------- Dear Martin I am just a simple hillbilly, living a simple life, and I don't complicate things if I don't have to. I have used Eudora for 20 years now, and it has never done anything silly like that. You can download the full version of Eudora from http://eudora.com/techsupport/kb/2350hq.html/ Once you got it installed, let me know, and I'll send you the full registration unlock code. Then go to http://mail.google.com/support/bin/answ ... swer=13279 and follow the step by step instructions. If Eudora is too industrial for you, they have instructions there for other popular email programs too. You will still be using gmail, but with a full featured email program, not with a browser, that is just intended for peeking at the mail, while you are away from your own machine. Sure, you CAN send mail with the gmail browser page, especially if your machine has lots of RAM, but every time they add some frills, some other function gets clipped by your browser. With a full featured email program, that resides on your computer, you don't have that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
Bob went to visit his brother who was stationed in Germany. He assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that he could at least get around. But he found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched Bob's ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. Bob just nodded from time to time to show him that he was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked Bob if he spoke German. "No," he confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train going in the wrong direction."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Belts and Necklaces I received a nice wrought iron coat hanger for mounting on the wall and had it for years, but never seemed to find just the right place to hang it. I finally got the bright idea of hanging it in my walk-in closet, to put my belts on, and it works great. No more searching for that favorite belt when I'm in a hurry. Now I'm going to put another one in my other closet for my scarves, etc. By CDC from FL An old short-tine rake works fine for that too. Scrub it with a wire brush, then wash it with CocaCola. The phosphoric acid in it turns any rust into iron phosphate. Rinse, dry, and paint it with a varnish. Varnish is thicker and smoother than paint, but it will still look antiquey. Usually the "house", the part where you stick the wooden handle, has a little hole for a nail or screw. You can simply hang it by that onto a nail on a closet door inside or anywhere, and just as easily move it to a different location. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, and in a more satisfying way than anybody has ever done it for you before, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This one is from the days when Windows came on a stack of floppies instead of pre-installed on the PC. A polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

» Lunar Eclipse, if you missed it





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How do I open Winmail.dat 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Longest night of the year.
Missed the lunar eclipse this time. It was too cloudy,
plus my good camera died in April, 
so here is a picture from last time:


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. --- Confucius It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. --- John Wooden
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife didn't want the taxi driver to realize that the house would be empty, explained to him: "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab, and said, "Sorry I took so long" he says, "The old nuisance got into our bedroom and was snooping in the closet. I had to get a broom to chase her out!"
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
Molly, a difficult independent 75 year old, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she saved a bun from lunch and was merrily tossing bits of it at the birds. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on Molly's parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere... when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. Without hesitation Molly told him: "Well, I can't throw that far, but you are welcome to throw your own buns anywhere you want."
Click through the picture to the large version. Hwy 64 in Norway
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Walter Koenig, 61, in Freiburg, Germany Conman Tries To Avoid Jail By Talking For 14 Hours Published: December 20, 2010 Walter Koenig, 61, who was given the final word before being sentenced, talked for 14 hours at a court at Freiburg. Prosecutor Michael Machtel said: "It is a German record but he failed to talk himself out of jail despite the marathon speech." Koenig was jailed - after he finished his epic attempt to filibuster the court - for 3 years and three months for fraud, after the court heard how he had stolen from investors in his company.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: How do you open winmail.dat files Dear Webby, How do you open winmail.dat files? Dianne --------------------- Dear Dianne Those .dat files are helper files for Microsoft Weird sending through Outlook and for Outlook, carrying formatting data that it could not send inside a file. They just work on a LAN, where every machine has access to the one, that sent it, or some silly excuse like that. Just tell, whoever sent it, to send it standard or use IncrediMail, if they need thilly frills. Here is how to Configure Outlook to NOT send Winmail.dat attachments Turn off Rich Text sending for messages in Microsoft Outlook 1) Click on Tools 2) Click Options, and then click the Mail Format tab. 3) In the Send in this Message Format list, select Plain Text, and then click OK. This will set your default sending method to Plain Text, which will lose your special formatting options with fonts, colors, etc. However everyone, no matter what email program they are using, will now be able to receive your email with no problems. As far as I now, no other email program has that handicap. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
"Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck - his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Your Ham Bone for Soup When cooking a ham for the holidays and you've eaten all the meat, save the ham bone to freeze. Later you can pull it out of your freezer, throw in some beans with your frozen bone, and make a nice soup. By Diana M. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bernie came into the principals office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. “Our chickens have been disappearing.” He said. “And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o’clock, Pa got me and Ol’ Blue and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on.” He went on. “Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol’ Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn’t expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we’ve been up a-cleanin’ and a-pluckin’ more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school. " As I handed him his “Excused” slip, he muttered, “I sure hope we don’t have no chicken for lunch this week.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````` Mike's name is simply: Mike.

» Lunar Eclipse





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Randumb Humour 

In Germany, paramedics rescued this 40 year-old man
who got his manhood stuck in the vacuum cleaner.
The man told authorities his relationship with his
vacuum cleaner was purely sexual
- he didn't want any attachments.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool
and throw them fish.



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Laws of Life 

Murphy's First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller's Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Lampner's Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.


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Night camera 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, December 20, 2010

It looks like much of Europe and especially England has 
forgotten how to cope with winter. They got soft and spoiled
during the warm ripple, and the people who took care of the
roads and rails and airports 35 years ago, have all retired,
and seem to be the only ones smart enough to stay home. 

Drivers in France and Germany still believe that they don't 
need real winter tires like their parents and grand parents 
once used, with quite predictable results.

The kids seem to enjoy it, though.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. --- Jean Paul Richter The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness. --- Joseph Conrad
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free: "You are NUTS!"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I missed you at service this morning," the pastor says. "Well, Reverend", the farmer says, "I had some hay to put up. I figured there would be less cussing if I sat on a dry bale of hay thinking about church, than to sit in a dry church thinking about the hay getting rained on."
Thanks to Linda for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, Here is a great photo of icicles hanging from a tree branch over the side of a river here in Pa. They just so looked so neat I had to send them to you for others to enjoy !! Thank you, Linda R
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tony Morris, 37 in Acron, Ohio Crowbar attack prompted by chicken AKRON, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio say a man beat his brother with a crowbar during a dispute about a piece of fried chicken with a bite taken out of it. The alleged victim, Thomas Morris, 41, of Akron told investigators the incident began Sunday afternoon when his 37-year-old brother Tony threw a piece of chicken at him at their mother's home while they were both visiting, the Akron Beacon Journal reported Wednesday. Thomas Morris said his brother accused him of taking a bite out of the chicken piece and placing it back in the frying pan. He told investigators he suggested they take the dispute outside and his brother then attacked him with a crowbar, inflicting a 3-inch laceration on his forehead and other wounds. The older brother, who was treated at a local hospital, said Tony Morris fled after he got away and retrieved a shovel from a neighbor's house. Police said they were called to the home by the mother, who admitted taste-testing the piece of chicken in question. An arrest warrant was issued Sunday for Tony Morris on suspicion of felonious assault, domestic violence and menacing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Night Camera Dear Webby, You have mentioned X-10 before. Can those cheap X-10 security cameras be used to record the deer, that seem to enjoy my neighbor's garden quite frequently? Alice --------------------- Dear Alice As lng as you don't expect National Geographic style picture quality, yes, sure! Their black&white low light cameras just need a not too far away street light to produce a fairly good picture, quite good enough for police to identify an intruder. Of course, the more light you have, the better the picture will be. Color cameras need three times as much light, or three times bigger lenses. That can get quite expensive long before you get good color night time pictures. It is a lot cheaper to install a motion activated light, preferably not in line with the camera, but at 15 - 30 degrees to the side. Consider the deer to be in the center of a clock, and the camera at 6. Put the light between 4 and 5. Deer are usually not spooked by motion detector lights, as long as there is no sudden noise at the same time. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start With Youngest Child For Christmas Gifts When it comes to opening gifts it can get a little hectic. We found a way around that. When I married my husband, he introduced my family to his way of opening the gifts. His family started with the youngest opening one gift and worked their way up the line to the oldest then started over again. That way all know what everyone got and each person got the chance to thank the giver, and the giver was able to see the reaction to their gifts. It also makes the gift time last longer. Our family has adopted this tradition and loved it! Merry Christmas all. By Latrtatr from Loup City, NE http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you might have heard of a widower getting married again."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson, Alexander, said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." To which grampa answered, "Ah, but you were too young then to know the whole horrible truth!"

» Polar Bears





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Fixing up an old computer 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, December 19, 2010

Walter, The Stone carver, a subscriber since about 1994, has
opened a new site for the 
"American Friends of Italian Monumental Sculpture".
at http://staglieno.com

They want to help the city of Genoa restore the magnificent 
sculptures at the Staglieno cemetery. I wrote about that last year,
when I mentioned Walter's book Staglieno-the art of the Marble Carver

The Staglieno cemetery is the REAL "Marble Orchard", 
the finest collection of 19th and 20th century marble sculptures
in the world, just standing out in the rain near a grimy, 
industrial city. You see on this picture, how hundreds of 
years of soot and rain have affected the once shiny white 
marble. That is why Walter started this new Non-Profit org
to restore the sculptures.



Click through for the big picture

Proceeds of Walter's book Walter's book Staglieno-the art of the Marble Carver
go to help restore those sculptures. No, the sculptures in the
REAL marble orchard are not for sale, but Walter's book is. 
If you need a classy Christmas present, that is not a Walmart
bargain, get Walter's book!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Heredity is something every man believes in until his own son begins acting like a darn fool! --- Socratex
That reminds me.... One day little Johnnie came home from school and announced: "Hey, Dad! Guess what we learned! We are all descended from the APES !" His dad didn't like the notion of that one bit and blew up: "That's NONSENSE!" Johnny replied: "But, but the teacher told us so!" His dad shot back: "YOU might have an ape for an ancestor, but I sure don't!"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down, when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end... "Hello, is this Bonnie D ? We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey." Without missing a beat, she told them... "I am BUSY, you will have to survey your briefs yourself."
Thanks to Celine from Moncoindejardin.com for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Chico and Jayco
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to TSA in Texas TSA Screeners Don't Notice Loaded Handgun In Man's Carry-On December 17, 2010 If you thought the TSA's inability to notice a 6-inch hunting knife was a sign that airport screeners might as well be watching Spongebob instead of the porno-scan and X-raying you and your stuff, here's further proof. A man in Houston says the TSA screeners didn't blink an eye at the loaded .40 caliber handgun he'd forgotten was tucked away in his computer bag when he made his way through the security checkpoint at Bush Intercontinental Airport. Since the TSA requires you to run your laptop through separately from its bag, it should have been even easier for screeners to notice the gun in the laptop bag. "There's nothing else in there. How can you miss it?" asks the passenger. "You cannot miss it." The passenger noticed the gun when he arrived at his destination and reported the incident to authorities. The TSA investigated and provided "remedial instruction" for the screeners involved.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mr E Re: Refurb an old machine Sorry about the typos in the links yesterday. So here is a re-run of yesterday's Tech Support Pits Dear Webby, Long time no hear and see.. so how have you've been? As for me/us here in the usa, we are still trying to make ends meet..... ok now for my request. I am looking for a good tune up program (that wont destroy my computer, and a program that will find old programs so that i can get them off of my computer). Thank you and have a great day. Signed: Mr. E --------------------- Dear Ed For the UNinstalling, I recommend the Secure Uninstaller It finds the hidden stuff too. For tuning up, you probably need a GOOD Registry tuner like Registry Booster, because by now most likely your Registry is a chaotic mess. I use it myself too, every time I boot up. It keeps my ancient XP klunker running just fine, faster than brand new Windows7 machines. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

Old Albert goes on his first trip overseas. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled while filling out his visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder and sees the tourist trying to write "Twice a week" in the space labeled SEX. The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female.'" So he writes down: "FEMALES"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Have a Snack Basket I keep one of those little plastic baskets used for organizing in a cupboard that my kids can reach. This basket is filled with snacks that I feel they can eat without me knowing or are healthy alternatives to treats. We call it our snack basket. It is also a good tool to use with our toddler who likes to snack all day. We can put only a few snacks into the basket and when they are gone, then no more snacks! Source: This is from many different sources, but "Super Nanny" had the idea for limiting snacks with a snack jar. By Rachel from Indianapolis, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "Wait your turn," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"

» Giggle Of Goats





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Refurb an old machine 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, December 18, 2010

We rebuilt this server after yesterday's attack. I don't know if 
somebody wanted to use the big postcard server to send 
10 Million Christmas cards to the ACLU, or to attack the Pentagon, 
but it was a very bad attack. 

Some good news for a change: 

23,096 Teddybears were thrown onto the ice during a hockey
game in Calgary, an old tradition. Details and link to a video of it
are here at Teddy Bear Rain. 
This is just a screen shot I snapped off the video and doesn't 
really show the rain of teddybears. But you get a small taste of it.

While tossing hats onto the ice when a player scores three goals 
might be hockey's most famous tossing tradition, it simply 
doesn't compare to the grandeur of 23,096 teddy bears and 
other stuffed animals blanketing the rink as they did at 
the Calgary Hitmen game on Sunday: 

For 16 years the Hitmen, who were co-owned by and named after 
former WWF champion Bret Hart, have held a Teddy Bear Toss to 
benefit over 50 charities in Alberta that work with children. 
On Monday, after the 23,000-strong toss, the players 
hand-delivered teddy bears to the Alberta Children's Hospital.  
Brett Hart died in a game a few years ago, but the tradition 
continues.

The fans bring the stuffed animals to the game and then wait 
for the first goal to be scored. For the 16,844 fans at the 
Saddledome watching the Hitmen take on the Red Deer Rebels 
on Sunday, the honor went to Cody Sylvester at 3:49 of the 
first period. He scored, and the mayhem started and continued 
for 40 minutes while play was delayed. "It's unbelievable," 
Sylvester told the Examiner after the game. 
"Scoring in front of all those fans and all those teddy bears 
coming down on you -- it's a pretty special moment." 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors. --- Thomas H. Huxley I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling "Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival." --- W. Edwards Deming
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a preacher hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.The preacher looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The preacher reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. The vet told me to take that mangy mutt out to the woods and put him out of his misery, cause pills don't help him no more."
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take up some sport, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!". "Really? What happens then?", the girl asks enthusiastic Then my body says: "Huh ? Who, me ??? You gotta be kidding!"
Click through the picture to the large version. Tromso, Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Wright, 39, in Springfield, MO Hammer Holdup SPRINGFIELD, Mo. -- Greene County prosecutors charged a man o n Wednesday afternoon for two robberies of convenience stores earlier that day. City police arrested David Wright, 39, not long after the second robbery. In both robberies, the bandit threatened clerks with a hammer. The first was just after 4 a.m. at the Kum & Go at 1605 E. Kearney St. The second was a little later at the Kum & Go at 1550 N. Glenstone Ave. Police say the robber threatened the clerks with a hammer and ran off with money. Police arrested Wright in the 1700 block of East Kearney at Rancho Court Motel. If he's convicted, he could face prison sentences of between 10 and 30 years for each of two counts of first-degree robbery and at least three years for each of two counts of armed criminal action. A judge set his bond at $200,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mr E Re: Refurb an old machine Dear Webby, Long time no hear and see.. so how have you've been? As for me/us here in the usa, we are still trying to make ends meet..... ok now for my request. I am looking for a good tune up program (that wont destroy my computer, and a program that will find old programs so that i can get them off of my computer). Thank you and have a great day. Signed: Mr. E --------------------- Dear Ed For the UNinstalling, I recommend the Secure Uninstaller It finds the hidden stuff too. For tuning up, you probably need a GOOD Registry tuner like Registry Booster, because by now most likely your Registry is a chaotic mess. I use it myself too, every time I boot up. It keeps my ancient XP klunker running just fine, faster than brand new Windows7 machines. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

Mia went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't. She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't really know when to honk the horn or not."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations In Garment Bags Large swags or garlands can be stored in the zippered garment bags you can get in the dollar store. You can tie them to a hanger for storage in a closet or lay them on a shelf. Easier than trying to put them in a box or wrapping in paper to store. By Monica from Scranton, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phoney $18 bills would be in some small Southern hick town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines, or 3 sixes?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

» Best Snow Man Ever





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Cure Hemorrhoids & Piles Naturally In 48 Hours Without Side-Effects 



If you've tried many types of hemorrhoid solutions then you probably understand the differences of how each is used. In this article, I'll go over what each of them do for the body, how they intend to treat hemorrhoids or piles, and the controversial, raw truth on most of them.


The first popular type is creams and ointments where a topical treatment is rubbed on your outer rectal area and aims to soothe blood vessels. This creates a relaxation of the tissue so that it does not bulge out so much. Once the tissue does not bulge, the hemorrhoid will be less likely to flare up. This is great for some relief in the temporal matter but unfortunately you are practically guaranteed to flare up again.

The 2nd type that is very popular as well in the form of suppositories which is inserted inside the rectum for the purposes of delivering moisture to the hemorrhoid and creating a lubricating effect once the next rectal pressure comes. The aim is to ensure the hemorrhoid heals without rupturing again. For some it works well, for others not so but it's worth seeing.

The 3rd type is pills where one can consume that regulate some blood pressure in the system. This can have its side effects but overall it's used to tighten vein tissue so that the hemorrhoid is less susceptible to problems. It's a very top down approach that has its benefits but can also induce real side effects and big pharmacies like to push this.

These three types are the most common and once these are exhausted, you still have options such as cryotherapy or surgery. It all depends on the individual case and what you can tolerate. In my personal experience, it's best to first try the safer options before going to the extreme measures. Even if the pain is unbearable, you can still use relief from these methods. It’s just not pleasant long-term either.

Now, not all hope is lost.
I do have one solution that has surprised me pleasantly. I’d like to review a totally safe, natural remedy that works within a few days. It’s called the H Miracle system and you can find it at:
Cure Hemorrhoids & Piles Naturally In 48 Hours Without Side-Effects


It’s already been proven by hundreds, if not thousands of success stories in the underground fashion of alternative medicine. The system includes ingredient resources, charts, audio lessons and basically everything you need to cure your hemorrhoids one and for all. I really recommend it and just see the testimonials from users who have triumphed even severe hemorrhoids for good.

Once again, see the free report on this at:
Cure Hemorrhoids & Piles Naturally In 48 Hours Without Side-Effects



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Hijacked IE search 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning, HTML-START !
It's Friday, December 17, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show support for the troops!

One of our servers got attacked in the evening. That sure 
caused a lot of unplanned work! 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Winners must learn to relish change with the same enthusiasm and energy that we have resisted it in the past. --- Tom Peters If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld
Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get into that pen and I can answer all of my mail before the first one climbs over it!"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband bragged. His wife explained: "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates quite well and I know how to act like I'm listening."
Click through the picture to the large version. Lighthouse in Ohio today
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peter Lawrence, 71, in San Diego Man, 71, gets 21 years for wheelchair bank robbery SAN DIEGO (AP) - A 71-year-old terminally ill man has been sentenced to 21 years in a California prison for rolling his wheelchair into a San Diego bank and holding it up with a replica BB gun. Judge Jeffrey Fraser said Friday that Peter Lawrence could theoretically get out of prison at age 90, when he would no longer be a threat to the public. According to City News Service, Lawrence told the judge he robbed the Chase bank of more than $2,000 this summer because he felt hopeless after being diagnosed with a myriad of medical problems. Defense lawyer Kenneth Kaminiski says his client did not want to harm anyone. Kaminiski says Lawrence wanted to get caught so he would not have to live on the streets. Prosecutors said Lawrence was a danger because he could use a real weapon in the future.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Peggy Re: Hijacked IE search Dear Webby, Why is it that I am being redirected to advertising sites when I click on specific links? For example, I was searching for a specific size label, I had already been on the Avery label website and did not find it. I put the size info in my browser search window and it gave me a list of links to try. One was for Avery labels so I clicked on that link, but instead of going to the page I wanted, I was redirected to another site. This is happening more and more. I did a search and found an article that said I probably had been hacked and needed to do a virus scan. I immediately did a complete scan with Malwarebytes and found nothing. Would you have any advice to help with this problem? Thanks for your daily letter, I enjoy the humor and take note of all the computer knowledge you share with us. Peggy Oliver HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS AND KEEP THEM SAFE --------------------- Dear Peggy Which browser are you using? --------------------- IE --------------------- Dear Peggy That might explain, why I can't duplicate that weird browser behavior. IE is not secure enough for me, so I banned it from our machines some time ago. We use strictly just FireFox, and for searching, we use Google. You could try running SpyWare-Search&Destroy. McAfee has kept browser hijackers off my machines, but I have read that SpyWare-Search&Destroy does nab some hijackers, that Malwarebytes misses. You could also check and make sure that you don't have any goofy tool bars like the Yahoo or ATT search bar installed in your IE. If you do, then of course all bets are off. By the way, what size or type of label are you looking for? Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks for your advice. I tried using Firefox, but it messed up whenever I tried to access the banking websites. So I went back to IE out of necessity. I'm pretty sure I don't have any other tool bars, I always decline those whenever I have to download anything. I was looking for a label the size of a sheet of paper - we want to print on it and then paste it inside a file folder. --------------------- Dear Peggy I had to tell my bank once, that if they don't bring their site up to standard, I would move to a better bank. They were up to standard in a couple of days. Re full sheet labels: Those are awfully expensive! Why don't you just get an UHU stick (dry glue stick that looks like a yellow lipstick), and paste regular, cheap paper into the folders? I have done that for ages. One line across the top and a quick X is all it takes to hold a page forever. If you do want the sticky 8 1/2" x 11" labels, they are Avery # 5265 http://snipurl.com/fullsheetlabel You can order them from Staples: $11.99 for 25 labels. http://snipurl.com/staples-avery5265 However, if you want to do it like I do and print the folder liners onto the blank back-sides of mail, that you are not going to read a second (or first) time,... Liquid Glue Pens are $1.27 for two http://snipurl.com/liquid-glue-pens Single dry glue sticks are $1.79 http://snipurl.com/dry-glue-stick A six-pack of dry glue sticks is $10 http://snipurl.com/6-clear-dry-glue-sticks And then there is still the good ol' flour glue. A pinch of flour and a few drops of water mixed in a spoon or bottle cap makes a pretty wicked, permanent paper and wood glue. Same as with most liquid glues, if you make it too thin, you have to weigh it down for a few minutes, so that it doesn't warp the paper. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flat Paper Bows for Shipped Packages Do you have to mail gifts and don't want the bows to be mashed, yet don't want to leave them "plain?" Cut out pictures of pretty bows or make flat "bows" and "ribbons" out of construction paper and glue them on. You could play with this idea and have creative fun with it. By Sid from Bristol, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run to the the cemetery to get more flowers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bill for this story: Last year at Christmas time, I dressed up in my Santa suit and after greeting my children, my wife asked the kids if they wanted to take Santa to a relative's house. They said yes. So I got in the minivan and went to the relative's house. While at their house, my son started misbehaving, so I said in the most bass voice I could muster. "Son, you better behave or Santa won't bring you any presents." My innocent 5 y/o son turned to my wife and said, "Mommy, Santa is walking home!"

» Curious Flora
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Well, HTML-START , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter

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Thanks for your votes!


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in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog






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Multiple anti-malware programs 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 16, 2010

While weeding out the bonehad candidates, I noticed an 
interesting trend. Some people actually WANT to go to jail, 
apparently to have a warm place to live.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. --- Oscar Wilde "It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'" --- Sam Levenson
Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside. Hurt, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?" "Of course, dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a kid." "OOOPS," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
Thanks to Verna from Beechy, Saskatchewan for these pictures: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, The December rain in the Coteau Hills was prettier on the weeds than on the road! Verna
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie L. Pennington, 39 in Helena, Montana Helena woman asks to be arrested When spinning doughnuts in front of the police station didn’t get her the attention she wanted, an allegedly drunken 39-year-old Helena woman parked her vehicle, went to the window at the law enforcement center and asked for assistance in getting arrested for driving under the influence. “She was upset that she had been driving around spinning donuts and no officers had arrested her. She said she wanted to get arrested because she was drunk,” Helena Police Chief Troy McGee said. Julie L. Pennington’s request was granted at about 2 a.m. Tuesday, McGee said. Pennington also allegedly crashed into a vehicle parked near the police station and took out the bumper of her 1991 Jeep Cherokee by hitting a retaining wall in the backside of the building. “She said she was breaking the law on purpose to try and get arrested,” McGee said. Police arrested Pennington on misdemeanor charges of DUI, driving with no insurance, careless driving, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident, driving on a suspended license and having an open container of alcohol in the vehicle. Police say she remained too intoxicated to appear before Helena Municipal Court judge Tuesday morning.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Multiple anti-malware programs Dear Webby, I currently have Norton, MacAfee and Trend Micro PC-Cillin. This seems a bit redundant to me and I'm getting reminders to renew. Which would you let expire ? I bow to your expertise. Merry Christmas. Pat --------------------- Dear Pat I use McAfee, Registry Booster, MailWasher, and DisKeeper Each of those is the best in their own separate field. They don't duplicate each other. Sure, you could use McAfee to reduce your spam, and if you are not fussy, that is probably good enough. But if you DO get a lot of spam and don't want to waste time on it, then you need the big gun: MailWasher. The same applies to DisKeeper. There are dozens of defragmenters available, many even free, but you get exactly what you pay for with those. If your data is not worth $29, then get a free defragmenter and disk tuner. Unlike most magazine writers, I don't just reprint promotional material. I only recommend what I actually use and actually like. The programs I mention here I have used for many years on my own machines. Other programs I experience on other people's machines. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of registration. "He's a magician," said the new boy. "How exciting. What's his best trick?" "He saws people in half." "How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?" "Yep...one half brother and two half sisters."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give the New Jammies the Night Before For a fun Christmas tradition, new Christmas jammies for the family with matching slipper socks. I put them all into a big gift box to be opened Christmas Eve. Then Christmas pics around the tree in our pretty and colorful new jammies. By Mamie from Upstate NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied. "Our house isn't blue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A certain motivational speaker snuck out the back stage exit for a smoke while an assistant was showing a short audivisual presentation. Out there, huddled against the rain under the shelter of the stage loading dock were some members of a school board meeting who had gone outside "for some fresh air". One of them recognized him by his bright name tag and instantly struck up a conversation as if she was familiar with him. "Tell me," she asked, "how you detect in somebody whether they have potential for success or not?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' She thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

» Christmas Lights





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Presents 


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Reminder Service 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 15, 2010

When I was leaving to go to Okotoks this afternoon my big, 
heavy wind chime, a gift from Sandie, after I admired hers 
during hurricane Wilma a few years ago, was bouncing and 
gonging like crazy. I got about a block, then snow squalls 
suddenly appeared. In the 70 km/h zone, they passed me!

Just past that zone, the highway makes a right angle turn and 
runs South to North for half a mile, crosswise to the wind.
There was a van a bit ahead of me, facing about 20 degrees 
towards the left, but moving straight, like a sail boat. Well, 
a moment later I had to do the same for that half mile.

From there to Okotoks it was straight downwind. At times
the snow squalls were keeping up with me, at times they 
were passing me. I got excellent gas mileage!

In Okotoks I had to use my feet against the door to get 
it open, but then got a mighty push towards the store and
arrived there a lot faster than I had intended.

By the time I came out of the store, the Chinook had blown
away all the cold and moist and snowy air and was blowing
a dry and almost warm.

Toronto and Chicago, you definitely ARE going to get 
White Christmas. By the time this Chinook has crossed
the prairies and th Great Lakes, it is going to be loaded!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. --- H. L. Mencken
During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout with less than 3 coffee and cake breaks," she said.
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
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effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
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and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students. “As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.” The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?” “Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d probably limp, too.”
Thanks to Christine for these pictures: Click through the picture to the large version. Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, Just one month ago I was introduced to your wonderful Humor Page, but it's the first thing I read every morning. It somehow puts a bit of sun and a good start to the day. Many of the truly funny jokes I forward to friends. I love reading about your personal reports from your wintery home, while I swelter in 30 degrees plus. So I am sending you a bit of my own hot summer entertainment on the veranda, to have a glimpse of the other side of the world. Many are grateful for the efforts you put into cheering up this often chaotic and traumatised planet. I am sure of that. My best wishes and looking forward to more Webby fun. Christine B. (homesick for Canada)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elaine Emter, 33, of Edmonton, Alberta Woman demands more fudge, bites cop EDMONTON, Alberta (UPI) -- A Canadian woman accused of biting a police officer during a fracas over a hot fudge sundae was given probation and community service after pleading guilty. Elaine Emter, 33, of Edmonton, Alberta, pleaded guilty Wednesday to causing a disturbance and resisting arrest, yielding her 18 months of probation with 40 hours of community service, the Edmonton Sun reported. The incident will be removed from Emter's record if she successfully completes the conditions of her discharge, Judge Donna Groves ruled. Crown prosecutor Laura Marr said Emter became disruptive at a McDonald's drive-through March 15 and insisted there was not enough hot fudge on her sundae. However, workers would not exchange the item without a receipt. Marr said officers arrived and questioned Emter while she was still in the parking lot and she was "in their faces" shouting. The prosecutor said Emter tried to drive away, but was stopped and informed she was being charged with causing a disturbance. However, the woman refused to get out of her car and one of the officers had to place her in a choke hold so she could be handcuffed. Marr said Emter then bit one of the officers and they twice used a stun gun on her head to subdue her.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karlie Re: Reminder Service Dear Webby, Do you know of a reminder service, that is cheap, or at least affordable, and still reliable? Thanks Karlie --------------------- Dear Karlie I use MyMemorizer. It is free and 100% reliable. Some great people in Sweden provide it. You can even have up to two SMS text messages per day sent to your phone. If you need more than two, you can buy those extras. I have used the free emailed reminders for years, and I am very happy with them. You can even set advance warnings a day or week in advance, in addition to the on-time reminder. Highy recommended! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my mother-in-law would appreciate that." "Your mother-in-law?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn to swim in a hurry."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Cards Cut for Tree Paper Chain Christmas cards can be cut into strips and make into delightful "chains' for your tree. Also I have made chains using red and green paper from old wallpaper books. By ilovemydog from Pittsburgh, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, about half of them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

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Computer power supply for electric fence 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Online shopping has been stopped in England. Customers of most
major retailers like Tesco, Sainsbury's, Marks&Spencer, Boots and
Asda were told yesterday that no more orders were taken for delivery
in 2010. They were warned that with even more snow on the way, 
delivery could not be guaranteed or expected.

Apparently they didn't fart around enough and Gullible Warming
was snowed out. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. ---Alfred A. Knopf "If you make every game a life and death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." --- Dean Smith
A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to age ten years every time I take off my hat!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tracey Attaway,39, in Augusta, Georgia Thanks to Martin for sending this report Crook fall down, go crunch AUGUSTA, Ga. - A U.S. Marine reservist collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in eastern Georgia. Best Buy sales manager Orvin Smith told The Augusta Chronicle that man was seen on surveillance cameras Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the Augusta store. When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran toward the door. Outside were four Marines collecting toys for the service branch's "Toys For Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe, but he required several stitches. The Marines detained and held Attaway until police arrived and arrested him. Attaway was charged with armed robbery, aggravated assault and possession of a knife during the commission of a crime.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ben Re: Computer power supply for electric fence? Dear Webby, I need to electrify my garden fence to keep kritters out. Would the powersupply box from an old computer work for that? Ben --------------------- Dear Ben No, it wouldn't. What you need to do is the opposite. You have to increase the votage, but stil keep it reasonably safe. A thermostat transformer, that is CSA and UL approved, can handle the voltage produced, when it is connected backwards. If you connect it backwards, it produces 440 Volts. Put a little 1/4 Amp circuit breaker or fuse into the line from the plug to the transformer. Since the output will have four times the voltage, but only a quarter the current, that makes it child safe. You want it to be shocking, not killing. The breaker won't pop instantly, it will hold through the time it takes to scare an animal, but it WILL pop if a kid holds onto it on a dare. The current is also limited by the transformer itself. White plastic water pipe works well for insulating the high voltage line from the transformer to the fence and for fence posts. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bake Christmas Cookies in Stages I just finished baking Christmas cookies and I realized how easy it was because I do it in stages. Saturday evening, I made the dough for 3 batches. Then I refrigerated it until today. (you have to refrigerate the dough anyway for my recipe of sour cream sugar cookies. It took about 2 hours to make 3 separate batches, including clean up time. Today, I cut them out and baked them. About another 2 hours, again, including clean up time. Tomorrow I will ice and decorate them. This way, I don't get tired out or bored and the job is done with very little or no stress. If I did this all in one day, I'd be in the kitchen all day and well into the evening probably. So, avoid the stress and do your baking in stages. Works for me. Source: My mother from years ago. By Chef4u from Sylvania, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number."

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100 Ways To Get Rid Of A Telemarketer 

Completely Outrageous
– Sometimes I am just in a mood for exaggerating and so I’ll lay one of these on the caller:


1. Sorry I am right in the middle of disarming a bomb (RED WIRE or BLUE WIRE!!!!).

2. Yes I do have a minute but have to warn you that my phone could be shutoff at any point during this call as I refuse to pay my bill.

3. I’m sorry there is an alligator in my backyard and I have to use this phone to call animal control.

4. I am right in the middle of committing suicide so don’t say the wrong thing or you might push me over the edge literally.

5. I am trapped in a box that is buried under ground so I’m not going to need your services.

6. I am just about to take off in my hot air balloon, sounds like you might be a gas bag, wanna come?

7. Whoo hoo! I just won the lottery, they just called my NUMBERS on the TV!

8. I would talk to you but I believe my phone is tapped so I won’t ever be able to safely use it again.

9. I need to use my phone to call the President of the United States and alert him to your great offer.

10. Charlie Sheen and I are about to go crazy with a night on the town and then we are going to rip apart his hotel room, I’m not missing this for anything!


Family Related
– If you have a family (okay even if you don’t) you can try these:

1. Queue kids crying (or just let out a whale yourself). Enough said.

2. Have your young child answer the phone and talk to your telemarketer friend (that can be pretty funny).

3. I’m sorry I have to go pick my child up from the school, the park, the anywhere…

4. I was just pulling dinner out of the oven for my family.

5. My son/daughter just spilled a glass of juice on the carpet.

6. Our dog has to go outside right now.

7. My son is learning to use the potty so now like every five minutes I have to take him in there.

8. I’m sorry my daughter needs the phone right now for a teen emergency.

9. Sorry you have to talk to my spouse about that.

10. Baby talk to them just like you would to an infant.


Pure Honesty – Sometimes you just have to say it like it is…


1. Honestly I have time to talk to you I just can’t stand telemarketers.

2. I am on the do not pester (call) list which you obviously ignored.

3. I wouldn’t talk to you if my life depended on it.

4. The sound of your voice makes a blood vessel pop in my head.

5. I can’t listen fast enough to hear all the crap you are rattling off.

6. If I had a dollar for every time one of you called, I might actually be able to afford what you are selling.

7. My time is too valuable to me and you are wasting it.

8. Take me off of your list. Goodbye.

9. If you would let me get a word in I would tell you, but since you won’t I’ll just hang up now.

10. I’ll listen to your awesome deal if you listen to my sad story about why you are wasting your time talking to me.


Caller-ID Assisted – So if you have caller ID like I do then you know that a telemarketer is about to call so you can use these:


1. If you have the name of the company you can just answer with the name of the company (Chase Bank, can I interest you in a credit card?).

2. For whatever reason I like to pick on pizza companies too so I’ll just answer and say thank you for calling Pizza Hut, may I please put you on hold?

3. Sometimes I’ll do the old Seinfeld bit and pretend to be a movie service. Thank you for calling Cinemark, the following movies are currently showing… Press 1 for… I did not hear you why don’t you tell me what movie you would like to see.

4. My old standby, just let it go over to the machine or voicemail and avoid the whole situation (weak, but I do it too often).

5. If you are really thinking ahead you can play back a recording from the last time they called you.

6. You can repeat their phone number and let them know you are going to report them to the BBB (make up any old reason).

7. If you are up on all the companies you can pretend to be the CEO or someone important in the company, see if they recognize the name.

8. You can act surprised and say how long it has been since you last chatted and how you are looking forward to catching them up on all the latest.

9. You can play their most recent radio ad or tv commercial back to them over the phone when you pick up.

10. You can 3-way call them to another rep at their company (use the number from caller ID).


Bathroom Related
– Okay well this is one of the surest and easiest ways to get them off of the phone.


1. Sorry I am right in the middle of dropping a deuce.

2. Just a simple flush of the toilet can get them off of the line.

3. I can’t believe this still works after I dropped it in the toilet, wow that’s some engineering, eh?

4. I have a really bad case of diarrhea and really got to run.

5. Excuse me I need to go see a man about a horse.

6. Do you think it is rude to talk on the phone while I go to the bathroom (crude noises to follow).

7. Oh man! I am out of toilet paper you think you can have someone bring me a square or two?

8. Run the tub or shower and let them know you can’t hear them too well over the water.

9. Ask the telemarketer if they installed a phone in their bathroom too.

10. Lecture them on the possible health risks of “holding it.”


Work Related
– This works out really well if you are either at work or work from home at times (and who doesn’t do that nowadays???).


1. My boss is on the other line can you call back?

2. I am in the middle of a meeting and can’t talk now.

3. I have to send a fax right now and I only have one phone line.

4. I am swamped with work, can’t talk now.

5. This is a work phone number stop calling me here.

6. If I get caught talking on the phone I could lose my job.

7. I have a client on the other line.

8. My tech support specialist just picked up on the other line, gotta go.

9. Put them on hold with your own muzak while you get the “boss”.

10. Tell them you are writing a list of the 100 best ways to get rid of a telemarketer and see what ideas they might have.


Sports Related – If you are a big sports fan you might try these.


1. Gooooooooooooaaaaaalllllllll! Soccer game is on gotta run.

2. YES! YES! Whoo hoo! Awesome score! I can’t believe it! Hang up.

3. Talk about the latest antics of Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, or any of the craziest of crazy sports stars.

4. Ask the telemarketer for fantasy football, baseball, or basketball advice.

5. Bounce a basketball and make it clear that you are playing hoops.

6. Run in place until you get out of breath.

7. Start wheezing and coughing as if you ran too much and have asthma.

8. Start telling the telemarketer about your high school sports glory days.

9. Make it sound like you are in a stadium with thousands of screaming fans.

10. Grunt like you are lifting weights and they are super heavy.


Religious Related
– You have to be willing to use your religion for an unintended purpose.


1. Sorry it is time for me to sacrifice an animal to the god of wealth and fortune.

2. Bless you sir, I do have some time if you have some time for me to tell you about my church.

3. It is against my religious beliefs to talk business on a Monday night (during football season).

4. This is the church’s phone number please don’t call here.

5. I’d listen to you, but it’s time for my daily devotions.

6. You’ll have to send a donation to keep talking to me on the phone.

7. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Do you want me calling you?

8. I’d like to talk to you but I believe you are the devil.

9. I donated all of my worldly possessions to my supreme leader please call him.

10. If I did have time to talk I’m sure there are better ways I should be spending it helping my family, church, or community.


Medical Related
– Again, this is probably borderline unethical but you can try these.


1. Sorry I have to collect my stool sample for the doctor and it is an emergency.

2. Continuously cough as if you are having a terrible coughing fit.

3. Tell them you have a bloody nose and have to tend to it.

4. Tell them you got distracted coming to the phone and cut yourself with a knife that you were dicing onions with.

5. Tell them you just burned yourself taking something out of the oven when the phone startled you.

6. I have to take some medication right now that will put me asleep for a few hours, please call back.

7. Continuous sneezing may do the trick as well if you can make it sound semi-legit especially.
You get extra credit for blowing your nose loudly after each one.

8. Well one that I hear frequently is the old headache excuse but I’d go for a migraine it’s much more effective.

9. I can’t hear, I lost my hearing aid (of course talk loudly).

10. I just got back from the dentist (talk like your mouth is numb).


Annoying – If you really have some time to kill try these:


1. Repeat everything they say back to them.

2. Talk over them non-stop about literally anything.

3. Read a book or newspaper loudly while they are talking.

4. Turn up the music right by the phone and tell them you can’t hear them.

5. Tell them you are hard of hearing and can’t hear them, keep it up.

6. Just bark like a dog the entire time.

7. Talk very loudly in any made-up language you can think of
(you can resort to R2D2 Star Wars talk if you must…nerd alert).

8. Talk in pig latin to them.

9. Say everything backwords (literall each word).

10. Just let out a big loud scream.




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Are spiral lamps OK around monitors? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, December 13, 2010

I was surprised to find out today, that people in China are not
allowed to watch that NASA shuttle launch video. The same 
goes for almost all YouTube content. I agree that there is a 
lot of silly and useless stuff on YouTube, but there is also 
a lot of good, clean information there, that I would really 
miss if I was not allowed to view it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
I never know how much of what I say is true. --- Bette Midler It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. --- James Thurber If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. --- Bill Vaughan
"I'd like two pork chops," said the patron to her butcher, "and make them lean." "Yes ma'am," said the obliging butcher, standing them on end. "Which way?"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

Many answering machines have a test button to test play your different answering messages. You can easily save a special one on the alternate message and play that for nuisance callers. Here is an example: "This is the Microwave speaking. The answering machine is too busy to talk to you. If you want anything boiled, please hold it up to the phone. If you are a telemarketer, please press the star key now."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Today is Lucia day in Sweden. Lillemor Doesn't she look cute with her new hairdo?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two not named people in Ft Walton Beach, Florida Driver's unzipped pants lead to passenger's arrest FORT WALTON BEACH -- A man stopped for driving with an inoperable brakelight on Nov. 23 was questioned when the officer noticed the man's pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. The condition of the man's pants was obvious when he was asked to step out and look at the lights for himself When the officer questioned him, the driver said he had just left his girlfriend's house and had picked up the 36-year-old female in his car to give her a ride home. After the officer advised the man that he believed a sexual act was performed in the vehicle, the man said the female had offered to perform that sexual act for $20. The man added that he had paid the $20 but had not yet gotten the act. The defendant had $20 in her pocket, according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report. She was charged with soliciting for prostitution. The slow on the zipper blabbermouth was not charged.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosa Re: Spiral tube fluorescents Dear Webby, I am considering changing the lighting to save money. Can I use those spiral tube fluorescent lights near monitors or will that cause flickering and eye strain? Thanks Rosa --------------------- Dear Rosa That depends on where you are. In Europe, where they use lazy 50 Hz electricity, people do indeed complain about flicker. In the rest of the world, where we use 60 Hz, the flicker is not noticeable. In addition to that, the newer spiral tube lamps use phosphors and other oxides, that remain glowing longer, and they also use diferent electronics to shift the frequency up. If you use one of those adjustable Z-arm light fictures with a conical or hat style reflector shining down onto your desk from about two feet away, a 13 Watt spiral tube lamp will give you comfortable lighting. It won't light up the entire office like two sets of four 40Watt fluorescents would, but your work station will be well lit, at 1/12th the electrical cost. Just be gentle with those Z-arm fixtures. The post, on which they swivel, is made to break easily. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary,
drab photos into beautiful images.
YOU can do it with IMAGIC

One of Ginny's picture frames was broken, and she decided to try her hand at repairing it. A screw was missing in one corner, so sheI called the hardware store. "Do you carry screws for picture frames?" she asked. "What size do you need?" "I don't know, but it's rather small." The man sighed. "Ma'am, would that be closer to 'itsy-bitsy' or 'teeny-weeny?'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Ziplock Bags To Organize Stocking Stuffers Each Christmas, I collect stocking stuffers for my children, my husband and myself. To make sure that the stockings are going to be equally full, I place each person's items in a gallon ziplock bag, which is just the right size for our stockings. This keeps me organized as well as making sure I don't get too much stuff. Merry Christmas! By Stephanie from Hillsboro, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Morris, a parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead. Furious at the factory's incompetence, Morris promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words, "Turn the box around."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to a dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry and don't want to waste money on a silly tooth." the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

» Coming to a sky near you on Tuesday





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The Perfect Christmas Gift 

The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!

Learn the secrets to saving time, money, and effort!

Declutter your life!

Learn how to create inexpensive, effective homemade cleaning recipes, and step-by-step speed cleaning instructions.

Discover the secret methods to declutter and stay decluttered.

This book has it all.

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The Grinch Test 

How to Tell if You're a Grinch

1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name.
(5 points)

2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply.
(5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)

3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer.
(10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)

4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children.
(1 point for each piece of sticky candy).
If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.

5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends.
(5 points for each infraction).

6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day.
(5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.

7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home.
(5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)

8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own [Southern California only, others ignore].
(5 points -- nobody but Angelenos are dumb enough to dress a car)

9. After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made.
(5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year.

10. Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no.
(20 points)



Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.

20-30: You are just a cheeseball.
30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived.


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