Projection graphs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 9, 2010
Thank you Bill ! 
Thank you Lawrence!

A friend forwarded me an article about how the WikiLeak supporters
had attacked Sarah Palin's site with a massive Denial Of Service
attack, to silence her and prevent her from speaking out against
WikiLeaks.

Huh ?
On one hand, the leaky kids demand free speech and freedom
of information, but woe unto anybody, who dares speak out
against them. They seem to be even more immature, 
than I had thought they were!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free." --- Nikos Kazantzakis If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty-trained."
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On vacation one year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranch owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Osewski, 20, in Bolingbrook, Ollinois Convicted burglar hits same house BOLINGBROOK, Ill., Dec. 7 (UPI) -- Police in Illinois said a man on probation for burglary returned to the same home and took many of the same items. Bolingbrook police Lt. Mike Rompa said "a laptop computer, camera, Wii and Xbox video game systems, a platinum and diamond engagement ring, other jewelry, stocks, bonds and $50 in change -- roughly $20,000 worth of property" was stolen during the Nov. 30 break-in. Investigators said similarities to a May 28, 2009, burglary at the same residence led them to interview Robert Osewski, 20, who was on probation for the crime. Osewski and alleged accomplice Anthony Gant, 21, were arrested and charged with residential burglary. Osewski was charged with an additional count of possession of stolen property. Police said some of the stolen items were recovered in a Lemont forest preserve.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ada Re: Excel graph trick Dear Webby, or should I call you Mr Excel? My boss saw a graph of something or other, that had the current points on the graph projected to the right, as if there was not going to be any changes from today to year end. He tried and cussed for hours, but just couldn't find a way to do that. I tried too, and couldn't either. We have the date in column A, then today's weight of one client in column B, and the change up or down from yesterday in column C. Column C is used on the graph, showing the daily changes. Then D and E are for the 2nd client, F and G for the 3rd, and so on. That much works OK, but he doesn't want the line for future dates to drop to zero as if the client had died, and is quite obsessed about that. Can you help me look good? Thanks Ada --------------------- Dear Ada There is no command or choice for that in Excel. You have to do it with a little formula. Let's assume today is day #341 In column B341 you have some weight number. In column C we want either the difference between today and yesterday, or else, if there is no weight number in column B, we will just repeat yesterday's number in Column C. In a formula, you wold say that like this: (in C341) =IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340) IF B 341 is NOT empty, then B341 - B340, else what is in yesterday's C: C340 Copy that from C341 all the way to year end or a few hundred lines down into column C. Highlight C341 down to the bottom, CTRLC to copy that, go to E341, CTRL V to paste, go to G341, CTRL V to paste, and so on. Now when you look at the graph, each person's jaggy line ends with a perfectly level laser beam from today to the right end of the graph, in the same color as their jagged history line. Just straight math and easy to understand graph. However, if you were a COGR (Consensus Of Grant Requestors) Scientist, then you would modify that formula to =IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340*1.035) to make the projected future lines curve ever steeper upward. A smart COGR scientist of course will expect some criticism and a need to quickly adjust. You probably don't have anything in cell A1, so write 1.015 into that cell, and modify the formula to =IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340*$A$1) and copy that into columns C, from day 2 to the last day of the sheet. Copy that column into columns E, G, I, etc. Whatever fudge number or COGR factor you put into A1, the spreadsheet will use that in place of $A$1 in the formula. Now, by simply changing the secret number in A1, you change how the future projection curves up or down. In your business a negative number like -1.01 might look better, for a slight downward trend. Yes, you too can be a COGR scientist! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A mouse returned from the laboratory to his cage and told a fellow mouse, "I've finally got Dr. Snooker trained." "You have?" asked the other. "Yes, explained the first mouse. "Every time I press down the bar, he gives me food. You should try it too!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cinnamon Sticks to Decorate Packages I wrap up cinnamon sticks with plaid ribbon and use it on gifts along with the bows as an "extra" gift. I also use the cinnamon sticks as Christmas ornaments. By ilovemydog from Pittsburgh, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A New Mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her. At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, she thought. Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove today, you dope."

» Balloon Animals
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Schwartz, the town grouch. So Schwartz went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special: "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Schwartz: "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Schwartz wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Schwartz to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Schwartz," says the doctor. So Schwartz goes home very mad. One month later, Schwartz goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Schwartz, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Schwartz fled the office..





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Move On! Nothing To See Here 


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Toon 


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Locked Titles in Excel 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thank you Helene ! 
Thank you Cheryl !
Thank you Cookie !

If you are in Great Britain, this might be a good Christms to
celebrate elsewhere. The earliest wintry blast for 17 years
put GB right back into the cold ripple, crippled the transport
network and already claimed at least 13 lives. 

Six or more inches of snow are predicted for next week,
and most definitely a White Christmas, with temperatures 
in the -20s inthe northern half and Scotland.

Hundreds of motorists are still battling to get hoime after
Scotland endured what it's transport minister, Stewart Stevenson
called the "worst snow and ice conditions since the 60's".

The government advised that, if you can't stay away, stay home.

A baby boom is expected late August 2011.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!
The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground. --- Thomas Overbury
Thanks to Manin for this one: A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?" Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?" Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A". Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?" Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands. "All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer "It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."
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My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her and asked. "Would you like to go out, girl?" Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of the evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lawrence Bidlack, 46, in Geneva, Ill Principal clocked at 103 mph in 45 mph zone GENEVA, Ill. (UPI) -- The principal of a suburban Chicago school could face up to a year in jail after allegedly driving his sports car 103 mph in a 45 mph zone, police said. Police said Lawrence Bidlack, 46, principal of Geneva Middle School North, was pulled over after he was clocked driving his Porsche nearly 60 mph over the speed limit in Campton Hills and is now facing a misdemeanor charge with a possible one-year sentence, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. The Sun-Times said Bidlack couldn't be reached for comment and Geneva School District 304 Superintendent Kent Mutchler said it will be up to the courts to decide the principal's fate. ------------- Not setting a good example!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trevor Re: Can you lock titles in Excel? Dear Webby, Can you lock title rows and side columns like in other spreadsheets? I am pretty sure you can by now, but I can't find anything in the Excel help about that. What do you know about it? Trevor --------------------- Dear Trevor In the early days of spreadsheets there was fierce competition with huge law suits. For example, Lotus123 sued Borland Quattro for using the same "Look And Feel", because Borland had been reasonable and kept the gas pedal on the right. Even though Borland had developed their own, much better and faster code, they initially kept the user interface similar to VisiCalc, which had been adopted by Lotus. To make a long and sordid story short, the courts told Borland to change the user interface and make it look different from Lotus. That became tradition, and when Excel came along, they didn't want use the term "Locked Titles" for fear of getting sued by Borland Quattro. So they called it "Freezing a pane" and are still extremely careful about never mentioning anything about locking a title row or title column. You CAN do it, though, even without using Quattro to install locked title rows and then saving it in Excel format. Just highlight the row BELOW the one, that you want locked, click on WINDOW and select FREEZE PANEL. To lock a column, highlight the column to the right of it, click on WINDOW and select FREEZE PANEL. It does the same as VIEW, Locked Titles. For those, who are new to spreadsheets, Borland sold Quattro to WordPerfect, to use in their Office Suite. Then later Corel bought Word Perfect, added their graphics and is now selling Corel Office, still including Quattro and Word Perfect. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Grandma, where did I come from?" I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and since I did not know how much about the "Birds and the Bees" they had told Sally, I was stalling until they returned home: "Well, honey, the stork brought you." "Where did Mom come from then?" "The stork brought her, too." "OK, then where did you come from?" "The stork brought me too, dear." "Okay, thanks, Grandma." I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Sally's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations there has been no sex in our family, which is probably the reason everybody is so grouchy."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Shampoo For the cleanest, softest, fluffiest hair imaginable for literally pennies, save your old shampoo bottle. When you buy more, pour half of it into the old bottle and fill each bottle the rest of the way with a half and half solution of vinegar and water. The lather will be the richest ever, and your hair will squeak. It lifts the oils off your scalp so your hair stays clean looking longer and it rinses clean.There is no need to use creme rinse or conditioner, either. I use plain old Suave shampoo, about a dollar a bottle, and it makes my hair look and feel better than any expensive shampoo I have ever tried. The vinegar smell does not linger - try it! By dollyslaffn from Darien, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The case concerned a will Kelly was a witness. "Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said the Irishman. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents. The description read, "Instructions for the Ass of God." At first I thought I was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight. Then I found out that the name of the destination was the "Assembly of God" church, and the parcel contained some kind of printer manual.

» Microscopic Pictures
Overheard while waiting in line at the bank: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.





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Thoughts... 

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.


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Drunken Sailor Responds 


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Line break in Excel formula output 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Subscriber Lillemor sent me a rather disturbing link:
http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=40395
Muslim Brotherhood Front Group Trains Airport Screeners

The Muslim Public Affairs Council (MPAC) has completed training 
for 2,200 Transportation Safety Officers at the Los Angeles 
International Airport, according to a press release found on the 
MPAC website. 

MPAC is the outfit, that ordered Obama to stop using the words
terrorists, jihad, etc., when referring to "incidents" like 9/11
Apparently they figure that, if you can't name the enemy,
you can't aim at him.

Just in case they outsource airport security to Al Quaeda next,
I think next time I can afford to travel to the US, I'll try riding
a freight train again. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can." --- Sydney Smith "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." --- Anne Frank
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers "Yes". Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? " Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob says to the pharmacist: "OK, we'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please."
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A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size". He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Grandma, are these for mom ? They are the same size as mom's bed!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. The sun, yesterday.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Enson M. Ibanez, 25, in Salem, MA Man picks arrest rather than return 'too heavy' stolen planter Police arrested an Attleboro man Friday night when detectives spotted him and another man in the middle of Derby Street struggling to carry a large planter from a Derby Street business. Enson M. Ibanez, 25, is charged with disorderly conduct, malicious destruction, and larceny, but police offered the man a reprieve: Put the planter back where you found it and we won't arrest you. "No, it's too heavy," Ibanez told police, according to the report. Ibanez then put both his hands in front of him insinuating he wanted the police to put handcuffs on him and arrest him, the report said. Detectives Eric Connolly and Dennis Gaudet were in an unmarked cruiser at 11:30 p.m. Friday when they saw Ibanez, another man and a woman in front of Rouge Cosmetics at 322 Derby St. The two men picked up the large planter containing a bush and a set of white lights. "The two males and the female then walked in the direction of Lafayette Street with the two males having extreme difficulty carrying the heavy pot," police wrote in their report. The two men dropped the planter, leaving it in the middle of the road. When detectives got out of their cruiser, the other man ran away. The woman, who was not named by police, will be summonsed to court.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Line End in Excel Dear Webby, I know you answered this question before, at least once, but I can't find it. How do I make a line end, carriage return, new line, whatever you call it, in an Excel text, that is generated by a formula? Hitting ENTER just makes the cursor go onto the next cell. Thanks Mark --------------------- Dear Mark Hit ALT and ENTER For example: =CONCATENATE("Dear ",K2,"! ALT + ENTER Your "&TEXT(P42, "mmmm dd, yyyy"), order is ready.) ALT + ENTER Have FUN! DearWebby
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One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Early Morning for Mark Downs One good way to save money at the grocery store without clipping coupons is to shop early in the morning. By getting to the store at 8 a.m. or so, you are able to take advantage of the mark downs. They do go fast. By Carla from Huntington, WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him and stopping. The guy without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door just to realize there's nobody behind the wheel. The car starts slowly, the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way, scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are before a curve. The guy gathering strength jumps out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock he goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked into the same cantina and one says to the other, "Look Pepe, that's the bozo that got in the car when we were pushing it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again."

» Painted Desert
An architect, an artist and a engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."





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Friendly Holiday Advice 

Please, take care of yourself this Christmas.

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by idiots who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and crap like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.



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Precise mail filtering 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, December 6, 2010

When I was a kid, living in the mountains of Austria, this was the
day when St Nicolas came by, accompanied by a scary devil.

It struck me as a bit incongruous that they showed up in a beat
up old Volkswagen Beetle, but the roar of the big huge devil
quickly had me quaking in my socks, and when one smite of
St Nicolas's bishop's staff made the devil cringe and whimper,
I was duly impressed!

However, when St Nicholas started reading the long list of 
my sins, the devil cheered up and eagerly rattled his chains.
He did hit and cuff me around a bit, but kindly St Nicholas
stopped him, before things got out of hand.

After a solemn promise to improve my behavior, they made me
stand outside the front door, while they did their number on 
my sister.

She was still sniffling when dad called me inside again.
This time St Nicolas was really beaming and he mentioned
a few token good things I had done. Then he pulled a nicely
decorated pillow case from under his robe and started
dispensing glazed gingerbread, cookies, pear-bread, a chocolate
and an orange. For a mountain kid in post-war Austria, that
was eye popping STUFF!

I barely noticed when Dad escorted them out and handed them
the bottle of the medicinal Schnaps from the pantry. St Nicolas
and the devil took a good swig from the bottle and an envelope
dad gave them, and roared away in their old Volkswage Beetle.

At the time it all made sense, and was truly impressive.

As the fear of the devil waned, it was replaced with the threat
of being sent to Jagdberg, a juvenile jail / reform school, in
a scary looking old castle with skyhigh walls.

Then in University, a professor asked for a volunteer to be
Santa at Jagdberg, staring straight at me. 
Duh, yeah, OK, if nobody else ....

They couldn't find a devil, so I had to go alone. 
They gave me the suit and wig and beard, and the directions.
That was the year when Santa showed up on a motorcycle.

The staff there noticed my nervousness, so they gave me some
medicinal Schnaps first, and a few basic instructions.
After the first class they gave me more Schnaps and a few
hints with the stack of papers, one per inmate for the next class.
Then I got into the swing of things, roared like the devil of my
childhood when reading a student's misbehaviors, and smiled
like a proud grandpa, when praising them for their 
accomplishments.

Around midnight I had finished with all the inmates, and kinda 
faked it with the staff. (I didn't have any good/bad lists for the
staff and had to make them up.)

Then they gave me a sandwich and a big mug of coffee for my
parched throat and ushered me out.
Still in the Santa Suit I hopped on my bike and roared homewards,
well, to my girlfriend's place anyway, and just as the sky turned
light in the East, I did make it home. I briefly paused at the entrance,
where I had seen my first Santa. Life had come full circle.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. --- John Kenneth Galbraith Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
Thanks to Moe for this story: The Texas Department of Labor claimed a small Tom Green County farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to Investigate him. Department of Labor Employee: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." Farmer: "Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board." "Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally." Department of Labor Employee: "That's the guy I want to talk to...the Mentally challenged one." Farmer: "That would be me."
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Thanks to Martin for this story: Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion. "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try." "That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help." "He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight." "Where did it go?" asks Arthur. "Can't remember."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Bactia Grape Wax
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Catherine Renee Watson, 36, and Daniel McGuire, 40. 83 jugs of moonshine in the trunk The sweet and innocent and hard done by dame, Catherine Watson, is a former law enforcement officer, and does know better, So does Daniel McGuire. Lake Wales, Florida - Polk deputies say they have arrested a Tennessee man who was transporting 83 jars of moonshine to a Sebring bar. Daniel McGuire, 40, was spotted by a Lake Wales police officer with several containters of moonshine in the trunk of his car on December 1. After asking the Polk Co. Sheriff's Office for assistance, deputies made a traffic stop on McGuire's car the next day. They found 83 quart-size jars of moonshine that McGuire claims he was delivering to a restaurant manager in Sebring. McGuire was arrested and charged with Possession of Moonshine, Transportation of Moonshine, Moving or Concealing Alcoholic Beverages with Intent to Defraud State, and Conspiracy to Violate the Beverage Law. The restaurant manager was also arrested. Catherine Renee Watson, 36, was charged with Conspiracy to Violate the Beverage Law. Deputies say Watson is the manager of the "Cowboys" bar in Sebring and also a former law enforcement officer in Glades, Hendry, and Hardee counties.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ryana Re: Mail with no sender showing Dear Webby, Can MailWasher filter out email, where the sender address is hidden? None of the tools I tried, can do that. Second question: Does MailWsher assign points for bad stuff and when a mail exceeds a certain number of points, it kills it? Ryana --------------------- Dear Ryana Yes, sure. Click together a filter like this: If the From field does not contain"@" or not "." then hide the message from the messages list , and and automatically (without warning or notification) delete the message. I have no idea if spammers still use that trick, because I have used that filter almost 10 years, and have not seen a mail with a hidden sender field since. Re second question: No. Either you are pregnant, or not. The same with the mail. Either it is spam, or not. There is a hierarchy, though. If you set a filter to take precedence over the friends list, it will kill mail even if and address, that is in your friends list, is forged in as the sender. However, if you don't give the priority to that filter, then your friends can discuss or joke about stuff, that normally triggers that filter. You have even more control yet, by moving filters up or down the list. Once a mail has been OK'd or killed, it won't be checked by any further filters. There is no mushy "almost pregnant" sillyness. MailWasher makes just very precise yes or no decisions. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son if he got a part in the play. With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said, "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son," the dad said. "Keep up the good work and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Color Coordinated Totes for Storing Holiday Items I like using different colored totes for storing different holiday items. I use colors resembling the holiday, such as orange or black for Halloween and red and green for Christmas. It makes looking for them in storage a lot easier. I can find them in just a glance. By Jazalay from Frisco, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
For their 20th anniversary Nina and her husband vacationed in Hawaii, where they went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for Nina and one handsome young man. As she continued her underwater exploring, she noticed that everywhere she swam to, he swam. Nina snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. Nina felt very flattered and, as she took off her fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "It's my job to stay in the water till the last tourist is back on the boat."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer. "Well, a woman," the humble witness replied. The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness said meekly, "Um, I don't know about yours, but MY mother did."

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All I want for Christmas... 


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List of rules every women should know 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Ask for what you want! Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

9. Check your oil! Please. You always know when you're out of food to cook.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

12. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

13. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus and Marco Polo did not need directions, and neither do we.

16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. And, we have no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will be scratched.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

21. You have enough clothes.

22. You have too many shoes.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway).

24. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

25. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.




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How to deal with spam 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, December 5, 2010

England ran out of road salt already. They are not talking about
Gullible warming any more and are checking what kind of road
clearing inventory they had in the 70s. By mid winter, we have
to expect the same thing here too. If I had money, I would
invest it in a snow blower.

I built quite a few snowblowers in the 70's and 80's in the Yukon, 
and learned a lot about clearing rough country roads. The 
biggest challenge on my mile long road was not the steepness,
but the grouse. During daytime they picked at the bank beside
the road to get at the dry gravel behind rocks embedded in
the dirt. And rolled the rocks down onto the road, where they
hid in the snow. A head size rock will snap the shear-pin in
any big snow-blower.If the shear pin didn't shear off, the
damage would be a lot more expensive. 

That doesn't make changing shear-pins in the dark at -40
a cheerful event, though. On the last one the shear pin was 
easy to get at, with a light permanently mounted to light
the work area, a tray underneath to catch anything I dropped,
and the necessary tools nice and warm in my coveralls.
Good old days!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts. --- John Locke "Count your age with friends but not with years." --- Socratex
One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep."
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The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Darrell Fudge, 54, of Newfoundland Doper arrested after following GPS cuts deal, dropped off at border FARMINGTON, Maine — A Canadian man who followed GPS directions to a U.S. border post with a pound of marijuana in his vehicle has settled his legal case in Maine by surrendering his truck and paying $490 in fines and fees. Fifty-four-year-old Darrell Fudge of Newfoundland said he never intended to enter the United States on Sunday and he thought the border post was a toll bridge. Instead, U.S. agents searched his truck and discovered the marijuana in a cooler. The case was turned over to Maine police. On Wednesday, Fudge pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor drug charge and he forfeited a 2003 Chevrolet Silverado pickup truck. The Sun Journal of Lewiston says Fudge was then given a ride to the border. Fudge's lawyer says Fudge never wants to visit Maine again.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lindsay Re: How do I deal with all the spam? Dear Webby, How do I deal with all the spam!!!? I am getting so frustrated, that i don't even want to check my mail any more, but then the pile of mail just gets even bigger! And to add insult to injury, a lot of the spam pretends to be mail from me! Why would I send V****a ads to myself? I am going nuts! Please help. I am new to your list, if you have answered this question before, please don't get mad at me. Lindsay --------------------- Dear Lindsay We all get spam. It would be easy enough to follow the money and lock up the spammers, but as long as it is so easy for spammers to just lease some senators and get away with it, it is not going to get better soon. The paid off senators don't care that 15% or more of the country's productivity is wasted with dealing with spam. There will be a few token showcases, but that doesn't make a difference. You have to learn to deal with spam yourself. Because I have used the same addresses for 15 years, I get between 4000 and 5000 pieces of mail, mostly spam, every day. However, I see only the 100 or so mails, that I actually want to see and answer. The rest flies right by, straight to hell. I use MailWasher to filter the mail right on the server, before I download the good mail, that is left. With MailWasher it is easier than most games to click together very precise filters. For example, let's take my humor@webby.com address. The cost of being on top of Google is that the address gets harvested by a lot of spammers, and so I get about 600 spams a day to that address. None of them have a subject line, that starts with "Humor: ", the way I have been sending it out since 1994. So I make a filter for that. IF the FROM address CONTAINS humor@webby.com and the SUBJECT DOES NOT CONTAIN Humor: then dump it automatically right on the server, (murdered in the dark, unseen by any human). So there! I see on the pie chart about how many spams each filter nailed. A ot of stuff gets nailed by MailWasher even without making any filters, and if you want, you can choose to use their FireTrust blacklist. And for annoying stuff, that slips through, you make filters. If you spend a minute a day making a new filter every day, your mail will be clean very soon. Unlike the filters in other programs, with Mailwasher you can really pile on the criteria with AND, AND NOT, OR, OR NOT, BUT NOT, and so on. And it is so easy, it seems to be a game. I got MailWasher, when it was new, about a dozen years ago, and just asked for a voluntary donation. I hit them with a twenty within an hour of using it. Nowadays it costs $30 for a single user all the way down to $6 per user, if you buy a license for 100 users. Naturally, companies, who don't want their employees to waste 15% or more of paid company time on spam, get a license for each one. Just hit the link to MailWasher, put in your email address to lock in your discount, and download the free trial. Make sure you use a good email address, because they will send the unlock key to that address. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
The company where my brother worked had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, he knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where, as soon as the phone rang, he would pick it up and say, "Psychic Hotline. I'm sorry, but you've dialed the wrong number." The callers would often reply with something like, "But I didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong . . . Oh! (Click)
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Color Coordinated Totes for Storing Holiday Items I like using different colored totes for storing different holiday items. I use colors resembling the holiday, such as orange or black for Halloween and red and green for Christmas. It makes looking for them in storage a lot easier. I can find them in just a glance. By Jazalay from Frisco, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand -- to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The Lamaze instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just Uncle Bob, too."

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Your Religion 


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Can you prevent hard drive crashes? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, December 4, 2010

There were a lot of subscription attempts again yesterday, 
with no confirmation. If you don't get a request for confirmation
within seconds after subscribing, then you or your ISP is 
blocking me. If youcan't even receive the confirmation request,
then you don't have a chance to ever get your subscription.
The newsletter is much longer and it has pictures.

The confirmation request checks if the route to you is clear
and works. It is up to you to make sure you can receive.

You can always get a gmail address on the side for important
mail. With gmail you can easily make a filter, to make sure, that
mail from humor@webby.com is never put into the spam folder.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible
Cassie was a really good mom. Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, she sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
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As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?"
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jacory Phillips in Early County, Georgia Man caught when stolen car runs out of gas ALBANY, Ga. (UPI) -- Police in Georgia say they arrested a man after the new car he had stolen from the showroom floor at Five Star Nissan in Albany ran out of gas. Police arrested Jacory Phillips in Early County after receiving reports of a suspicious person begging for gas money, the Albany (Ga.) Herald reported. Police allege Phillips broke into the dealership Thanksgiving night and drove a 2011 Nissan Altima through the closed glass showroom doors. "He literally drove it off the showroom floor," said Albany Police Department spokeswoman Phyllis Banks. "He damaged the doors on the building and then fled the scene." Phillips was arrested a short time later when police were called to a gas station where he reportedly was begging for money to purchase fuel. "The reports are that he was asking people for money to buy some gas and that someone at the store reported the suspicious behavior," Banks said. Phillips has been charged and convicted of several petty crimes since 2007, including an incident in 2008 when he allegedly punched his mother.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Felix Re: Hard drive crash prevention Dear Webby, I seem to be losing a hard drive every two years or so, even though I run Windows defrag once a week. What else should I be doing? Felix --------------------- Dear Felix I asked the exact same question ten years ago, when I shelled out over $2000 to have the data recovered. So as not to get that guy at that drive recovery company in trouble, I won't mention which drive recovery company took over $2000 out of my pocket. He whispered to me to get DisKeeper. So I got DisKeeper. And I have not had a hard drive crash since. Considering how hard I work my machine 18 or more hours a day, every day, "no crash in 10 years" is the highest praise possible. If Windows defrag worked well enough, there would be no need for DisKeeper, or the two dozen imitations of it. If you don't want to lose another drive, better get DisKeeper Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman. "Mom, what's this?" I asked. "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered. "Is it working?" I asked. "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Decorating A Christmas Tree With Lights When using lights to decorate a Christmas tree: instead of wrapping lights around the tree, loop the lights up and down the tree as you go around. The tree will look nicer plus it is so much easier to remove the lights. By mkymlp from NE PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Kindergarten teacher had a student approach her and saying that he found a frog lying still on the playground. The teacher asked, "Well, is it dead or alive?" The student said, "I think it's dead." The teacher asked, "How do you know?" The boy said, "I pssed in its ear". The teacher said "YOU DID WHAT?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said,'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day a little girl was watching her mother as she sat before her bedroom mirror arranging her hair. The little girl asked her mother what she called the things she was putting in her hair. The mother replied: These are waves, dear. The little girl pondered that for a moment and then solemnly declared: "Poor Daddy, he has no waves, he's all beach."

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What is Double-Opt-In ? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, December 3, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thanks, Roland !

England is blaming everyone, even WikiLeaks, for getting skunked
in the bid for the 2018 Worldcup, even though they didn't really
have a chance in the first place.

Moskow has weather control and can guarantee good weather for
the games, they don't have the messy rail problem that Britain has,
they are not worried about air traffic unions using the WorldCup
as a good time for a strike, and so on.

Items like this in yesterday's Metro UK, of course did not help
them either:


Compared to that, live seems a lot more civilized here.

Happy Hanukkha to those who observe and celebrate it!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he fills out a job application form." --- Stanley J. Randall
When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then press the trigger to release the foam." Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin ... and hurled the extinguisher into the fire.
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

A young bride and groom to be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman,"is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "The best way to protect a wedding ring is to never take it off and to dip it in dishwater for five minutes three times a day."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Craig Alberstat, 46, of Delray Beach, Florida Man lost car, made up robbery BOYNTON BEACH, Fla., Dec. 2 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a man allegedly invented a story about a carjacking because he couldn't remember where he had parked his car. Boynton Beach police said they were approached by Craig Alberstat, 46, of Delray Beach, at about 2:20 a.m. Nov. 19 and he told them he had stopped while driving his 2003 Volkswagen Jetta to talk to a "cute girl on the street," the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported Thursday. Police said Alberstat told them he was then approached by four robbers who assaulted him and took the vehicle. However, investigators said they soon determined Alberstat had invented the tale and he admitted to officers he had forgotten what he did with his car after using Xanax. "Alberstat apologized to detectives for 'wasting personnel's time,' " police spokeswoman Stephanie Slater said. Alberstat, whose car was located by police the following day in a parking lot less than a mile from where he approached the officers, was charged with false report of a crime. "If someone calls police because they can't find their car, we would of course try to provide assistance, as we do anytime someone calls for help," Slater said. "That was not the case in this situation."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: Double Opt In Dear Webby, I am fairly new to the net, so please excuse my ignorance. What's this "Double-Opt-In stuff, and why? I realize, it's nowhere near as obnoxious as the rigmarole to sign up for a Yahoo newsletter, which is a half hour total nuisance, unless you are allredy a yahoo. So, what is it all about? Patricia --------------------- Dear Patricia There are two reasons for Double-Opt-In: #1 To make sure that it was YOU, who wants a subscription, not Gramma wanting you to get mail from a prayer group or some list owner harvesting adresses from an endlessly forwarded virus warning hoax. #2 Responsible list owners don't want to clutter up the net with mail to people, who can't receive their newsletter. If you don't get the confirmation request, then you obviously won't be able to receive the newsletter either. If you don't confirm within 72 hours, you stay out in the cold. Your address will not get added. If you don't receive an expected confirmation request, check your spam settings and if necessary those of your ISP. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
"What's that drink you're mixing" the stranger asked the bartender in the upscale Tex-Mex bar. "I call it a lil' Texas Shooter", said the bartender as he continued to mix up several batches of the drink. "What's in it ?" asked the stranger. "Sugar, milk and rum." said the barkeep. "Is it good ?" asked the man. "Sure is, Senor." said the bartender smiling. "The sugar gives you pep, and the milk gives you plenty of energy." "And the rum?" asked the stranger. That gives you plenty of ideas what to do with all that pep and energy." quipped the bartender.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Transporting Soup for Potlucks We have a lot of potluck days at work for birthdays, etc. We usually have a theme. Occasionally, it will be a soup theme. The last time we had one of these parties I made the soup the evening before, and put it into a gallon sized zip lock bag. Then I put the bag in the crock pot. It was winter, so I could leave it on the back porch until morning, but it could be refrigerated if you have room. The next day I didn't have to worry about the soup spilling on the way to work. It worked very well. By Kmcb59 from WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Jane," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?" "Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because like, I'm y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." "Oh, English class." replied the smiling teacher.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. "Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches." "I know, and that's all right," Satan answered. "We've got all the umpires."

» Fantastic Fotos





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Bureaucrats Gone Wild in Cancun  
Your tax dollars at work at the last Kyoto conference.




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Are You Still Cool? 

This test is based on how cool you were in High School...



What crowd you ran with, what car you drove, who you dated, etc.

It's pretty accurate.

You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.

Click Here COOL PERSON TEST



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Can you use a Laser printer for glossy prints? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 2, 2010
It warmed up quite nicely and some roads were actually wet
with salt-slime and melting snow. The car wash owners were happy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
Thanks to Dave for this story: Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you." Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Thanks to Bill for this: I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Young Red Shoulder Hawk
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rick Ehlert, 44, from Thousand Oaks, California. Anchor Drop Lands Cruise Passenger In Brig NOVEMBER 29--In the high seas equivalent of trying to open an airplane door mid-flight, an intoxicated California man early Saturday released the anchor on a Holland America cruise ship while the vessel was traveling in international waters en route to Florida The deployment of the stern anchor on the MS Ryndam “could have caused significant damage,” though the 719-foot ship was unharmed. A review of surveillance video identified Rick Ehlert, 44, as the passenger who released the anchor (as well as a life buoy). Manning noted that Ehlert was seen in the surveillance footage wearing the same clothing he was photographed in Friday while attending the ship’s formal night (for men, attire can range from a tuxedo to a jacket and tie). In an interview yesterday with federal agents, Ehlert, who was traveling with his girlfriend, admitted to deploying the ship’s anchor and throwing the life buoy overboard. During his confession, Manning reported, Ehlert admitted entering a restricted area, donning work gloves, and taking several steps to release the anchor. Ehlert, who said he was drunk at the time, “stated that he owns a fifty foot boat with a similar anchor system to the ship’s anchor system.” Ehlert, who owns an RV dealership in Thousand Oaks, was arrested on a felony charge of attempting to “damage, destroy, disable, or wreck a vessel.”
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Laser for glossy pictures Dear Webby, are laser printers good for making pictures? How well do they do glosseys? RON --------------------- Dear Ron They do them perfectly. The printer at your photo center is a Color Laser. Wet development prints have gone out of style, when Laser printers reached 300 x 300 resolution 30 years ago. My el-cheapo 1320c prints at 600 x 600. The results depend on the Paper. Paper usually has 3 code numbers Weight US Brightness / Euro-Bright There is no "White" ink or toner. The whitest white you can get is the paper. A US Brightness of 100 is "perfect white". The US scale hits the wall there. Even though paper gets better than "Perfect White", for example "Photo White", the US scale stops at 100. There the second number gets important, the Euro White For example, the paper I recommended to Karl yesterday: 28 lb. 100 US / 112+ Euro Bright Ultrabright "PhotoWhite" shade provides better color registration Gloss is cheap glass for easy dusting, and to gloss over coarse printing by poor printers. If you print with a color laser at 600 x 600 or more dots per inch, you obviously don't need the gloss for anything except easy dusting. With inkjet printers, just like with the oily-gloss look, sawed off wide-screen monitors, the gloss fakes the illusion of a higher resolution than you actually got. However, even with cheap paper, a Laser does a better job than an inkjet. The toner has the pigment embedded in tiny wax shells, that melt and carry the pigment into the fibers of the paper. That wax provides a soft, unobtrusive sheen, without taking away the sharpness, the way a gloss does. If dust settling in the pores is not a concern, then go for the sharper results without the gloss. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $650 for 36 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!" "Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Newspaper for Gift Wrap Use the funny papers for wrapping Christmas presents. My mom and dad did this at Christmas. We all enjoyed reading the funnies after we opened our presents. By Darlooney from Carriere, MS http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly and said: "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "then why isn't it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Harold had been busy campaigning for mayor, and his last stop of the day was at a Senior Citizens Home. After walking in and looking around for a while he approached an elderly woman in a wheel chair. Bending over to be on eye level with her, he asked her "Do you know who I am?" The elderly lady gave him a good looking over, then told him "No I don't. You don't look familiar. Just go to the front desk, they will tell you who you are."

» Bizzarre Sidecars





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Now What? Asked Moses 


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Too Cheap To Text 


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More Snow! 

Sheesh,

another 2 feet of snow!




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Paper for printing calendars 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A reader asked me today, if I would still buy a Laser printer,
if I printed a lot less. 
Yes, I would.

Aside from being sick and tired of inkjet printers being
unpredictable and fussy, and not lasting much more than a
year, ink and paper for them is more expensive.

Well, you CAN print with an inkjet on cheap laser paper,
if it is just for casual use, but if it has to look good, then
inkjets need clay coated paper, which of course, is more
expensive.

Since you CAN get color lasers for $100 - $135, there
really isn't much in favor of buying a disposable inkjet
printer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts." --- Harold Nicholson "Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution." --- Judith Martin
Thanks to Jay for this story: A guy is 92 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
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Thanks to Roland for this one: Our pastor was winding down. In the back of the church the fellowship committee stood to go to the church hall and prepare snacks for the congregation. Seeing them get up, Pastor Michel singled them out for praise. "Before they all slip out," he urged, "let's give these ladies a big hand in the rear."
Thanks to Bill for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Bill insists, that is a bug screen, not a tele prompter!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melando Yaphet Streety, 27, and Caleb Nettleton, 24, in Kingston, Ontario Inmates were running prostitution business KINGSTON, Ont. — Provincial police say two men have been charged with running a prostitution business from their Kingston, Ont., prison cells. Police allege the two inmates of the Kingston Penitentiary were using prison phones to direct women engaged in prostitution. Inmates Melando Yaphet Streety, 27, and Caleb Nettleton, 24, are charged with two counts of procuring. Streety and Nettleton remain in custody in maximum security and are scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 8.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karl Re: Calendar paper Dear Webby, I'm making personal family calendars as Christmas gifts. I created them using HTML and then converted them to pdf documents. Using a color laser printer, what kind of paper do you recommend for printing? A different paper for an inkjet? Thanks, Webby. Karl in Denco --------------------- Dear Karl Yes, definitely different from Inkjet paper. Inkjet paper of comparable weight and quality is more expensive. Staples Heavy report cover laser paper Item 397186 Model 122549 is a heavy 60lb paper used for report covers. $9.99 per 1/2 Ream (250 sheets) 4 cents per sheet Staples Bright color laser paper Item 633213 Model 86047 32 lb 96US White $15.99 / ream (500 sheets) 3.2 cents per sheet Staples Very Bright color laser paper Item 913261 Model 10246-7 is a light 28 lb Ultra Bright (100US White) paper for true color rendition $14.49 / Ream (500 sheets) < 3 cents per sheet Staples HP Laser Photo Paper Item: 569122 Model: Q6549A 100 sheet pack : $18.99 19 cents / sheet For the very best looks, you can use the Ultra Bright and lightly spray it with a clear, semi-gloss varnish. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Frog day today? Thanks to Noella for this story: A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ... "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!" "What?" said her Grandpa. "Make a noise like a frog, because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disneyland!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Improving Instant Hot Cocoa Make great hot cocoa that's just as good or better then Starbucks (a lot cheaper too). Take one envelope of any kind of cocoa mix, pour it into your favorite mug. Then add 1/4 to 1/2 cup of flavored creamer (I like French vanilla), and then fill the rest of the way with hot water. By Amandaw from Bethesda, OH It obviously does not take much to do better than Starbucks. I am lactose intolerant, but can handle condensed milk OK. Here is how I make hot cocoa at Christmas, the only time I splurge like that. First I heat up the mugs with hot water. Then I put a heaping teaspoon of cold processed cocoa into each, a package of Stevia natural sweetener and some cinnamon. Next I heat up the condensed milk mixed 50/50 with hot water to near boiling. Now don't go check your email while it heats up. Stir it instead, with a wooden spoon, and add a drop or two of Vanilla extract. No more than that! It's hot cocoa, not vanilla soup! Vanilla is supposed to be an accent, not a language. When it is getting close, I put a couple of table spoons of hot milk into each cup and stir to dissolve the dry ingredients. When the milk is just starting to boil, I pour it into the cups from fairly high up. That cools it a bit, takes care of the mixing, and produces the fashionable bit of foam. I AM looking forward to Chritmas! Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? "No, this is 322-1374." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Cindy for this: As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"

» Petals from the past





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This Christmas... 


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Don't Wait On Hold Anymore 

Never wait on hold again.


LucyPhone will wait on hold for you
and call you when a customer service rep
comes on the line.

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Brilliant!


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Head Set or microphone and speakers? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A reader complained that three years ago I had recommended the 
DELL Color Laser 1320C, because it was under $200 and because
there were cartridges available at a decent price, but that DELL 
showed it now at well over $300, with cartridges costing again
as much.

Well, shop around!
By the way, that printer is still working fine, printing from three 
computers without any hassle whatsoever. It has a toner-saving
mode for archive stuff like on-line invoices and similar items, 
that you just file and probably won't ever look at again, and you
can switch to that mode right from the keyboard. And it is fast!

In summary, it is a great printer.
The price for it is still well under $150 at Amazon.
I get the toner cartridges from AltalnticInkJet 
for about a third of what DELL charges. Some places have toner 
for even less, but with toner you might want to consider 
quality and go with a dealer, that has been around for a long time.

I used to buy ink in jugs from AltalnticInkJet
and toner for the last three years, and always have been quite
happy with the quality and speed of delivery.

So, with a bit of shopping around, you can actually get an even
better deal now than I did three years ago.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." --- W. M. Lewis "Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be." --- Jeremy Schwartz
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “the doctor is going to a golf tournament and has to do a lot of practising beforehand. We can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.” “But I could be dead by then!” “That's no problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit, go sell!" The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!" The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi - Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!" "No," shouted the man, "this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!" As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!" At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and reports, "I sold 8 Bibles today." The second reports, "I sold 11 Bibles today." The third worker reports, "To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!" "Great," says the man. "However, I want you to sell a lot more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!" At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles." The second worker reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today." The third worker reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles." "Fantastic," said the man, "since you're doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don't you tell them what your sales technique is." Replied the worker, "I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b--b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi - want to buy a Bi--b--a - a- abi - buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to READ it to 'em?"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Delta flight crew Pandemnium over strip PASSENGERS on a US flight were shocked to see a woman strip naked and be restrained by flight attendants. The incident happened on the weekend on board a Delta Airlines flight between Chicago and New York, US. The woman, described as "emotionally disturbed", took off her clothes as the plane began its descent into Kennedy Airport and the flight crew "created a ruckus" about it, the Associated Press reported. The woman - estimated to be in her late 20s - "stripped nude during the flight and was restrained on the plane and taken into custody by local law enforcement upon landing. A Newsday news manager who was on the flight said flight attendants tried to cover the woman with a blanket while she yelled "No! No! No!" A spokeswoman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey said the woman was taken to a medical centre. She is not expected to be charged over the incident, since she did not endanger the plane or passengers. All she did was panic some flight attendants, who were perturbed about some people possibly enjoying the free strip show.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: Head-set or microphone and speakers? Dear Webby, I want to get my mother set up for chat. What would be better, a headset or separate microphone and speakers? I did connect her speaker wires to her big living room HiFi the way you suggested, and she is quite happy with that. Not all neighbors are, but she is. How much is a decent microphone? Thanks Ellen --------------------- Dear Ellen Since she has the speaker issue solved, all she really needs is a good desk microphone, like the Ultra U12-40542, $13 at Tigerdirect. It is omnidirectional, so that she can walk around, and it is noise cancelling. Steady noise like a fan or traffic is cancelled, but the clink of setting a cup onto a saucer will come through with full volume. Like most modern microphones, it is more accurate than necessary, especially at the high end. A finger from an old knit glove over the microphone will usually smooth that quite nicely. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Controlling Christmas Tree Debris Tired of those flying Christmas tree needles? Control them by wrapping your tree in a fitted sheet. Before we bring our tree inside we first spray our tree with a hose to wash the dust and bugs off. Let it dry sitting in a bucket of water. Then we lay it on a fitted sheet, roll it and the sheet together wrapping the sheet around the tree and secure it with clothes pins. Now we can take it stump end first into the house without it shooting needles everywhere. We also spread a flat sheet on the floor under our tree holder or in our case a 5 gallon bucket of sand since we cut our own tree. While we still have the fitted sheet around the tree, we get it set in the bucket or holder without getting poked, thanks to the sheet. Then we remove the sheet and decorate the tree. By having the flat sheet spread out on the floor it catches anything we would knock off while decorating and before we spread out the skirt we just bunch the sheet up around the tree holder or bucket. When we take the tree down, we just pull the tree out of the holder, and wrap the tree in the flat sheet. Out the door we go without a mess again. Works wonderfully and there are no more needles in the carpet! By latrtatr from Loup City, NE Motion detector light switches are not just for forgetful people. They are a MAJOR convenience for all areas, that you normally enter or leave with your hands full, like the pantry, the coffee maker end of the kitchen, etc. These are not the big outdoor motion lights, but simply a replacement wall switch, for example Home Depot Motion Switch Model # SL-6105-WH Internet # 100654964 Use the Internet number for free shipping. They cost around $15, but they outlast manual switches, because you never have to touch them. They simply replace the old, manual wall switch. You don't have to mess with the lights at all, just replace the wall switch and set the delay time with the little wheel in it. Usually a minute after the last motion is plenty. The switch on it has 3 positions: OFF, Motion, ON In the OFF position, it disregards motion and stays off. In the ON position it stays on, even if there is no motion. If you need to send an affordable gift, that will REALLY be appreciated, you probably can't find anything better than a motion switch. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Daffinitions: Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer, you know. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An Irishman walks into a bar, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the day when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's just me. I've quit drinking."

» Hot Food 4 Cold Day





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Conservative vs Green 

If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Green doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Green is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Green is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Green wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Greens demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Green non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Green demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Conservative reads this, he'll tell his friends so they can have a good laugh.
A Green will demand this post be deleted because he's "offended".



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Outlook Express not showing images 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, November 29, 2010
Thanks Aletta!

Everybody seems to be talking about the WikiLeaks. What's the
big deal? It's just low level gossip between the staff, the same as
I am sure goes on between bored paper pushers in any country.

Yes, sure it is a bit embarrassing to see in print, what the bozos
and bimbos waste their time on, and what politicians expect from 
diplomats, should they ever sober up. But that is not really news.

I find it funny, that the central document repository has been
set up in Bush's first term, but it has never been abused 
until now. 

It is easy enough to set up the repository for single question 
search only, and prevent bulk downloads, and I imagine that
has been done by now. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"You can't lead anyone else further than you have gone yourself." --- Gene Mauch A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones
At one Army base, the trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second time in a row, but the physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked. "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game." "How long could that have taken you?" "Well, I had to toss it 74 times."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lucas Zetsch, 25 in Berlin, Germany Squeaky Bed lands couple in court A Berlin couple ended up in court because their bed made too much noise during lovemaking. Stefanie Mueller, 24, faced a fine for a night of passion with partner Lucas Zetsch, 25, that woke up the neighbourhood. Police said they received ten complaints from neighbours of the pair in the suburb of Lichtenberg, reports the Daily Telegraph. The couple were summoned under anti noise-pollution laws but refused to pay the $135 penalty. That led to a court hearing in Berlin where Miss Mueller, a hotel worker, insisted: "We weren't that loud." The judge said; "Perhaps not you, but your bed. We have witness statements that it was heard banging and squeaking around the neighbourhood from 11.30pm until 1am the next morning." Mr Zetsch told the court: "It was totally normal sex, nothing exciting", which led Miss Mueller to snap: "Thanks - that was nice", before walking out of the courtroom. In the end, the judge threw the case out as the complainants did not show up for the hearing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: OE not showing images Dear Webby, I had to redo my computer and had just purchased reigistry booster is there any way to redown load this program? Also you mentioned how to open pictures in Windows 7 I have Windows XP and have the same problem of not showing pictures. I also have Outlook Express which I know you are not found of--- is there some way to get them to open without having to go view then click on blocked images? I love your newsletter and jokes and all the pictures--- usually first thing I look at first is the computer hints. Thank you for a great site. Shirley --------------------- Dear Shirley You can get your Registry Booster serial number at this link: http://www.uniblue.com/support/myorders/ Just put in the email address, that you used to order it, and they will instantly mail you your Order History. Your serial number is in that. Then just download the newest version of Registry Booster from http://download.uniblue.com/support/rb/latest/registrybooster.exe install it, and use your serial number to activate it. I just did that now to make sure I am giving you correct advice. Slick and fast, and the new version is even better. re Outlook Express, you will have to ask Microsoft about that. They are paying hordes of Taliban to explain the "features" of Outlook Express. UPDATE: Dear Webby Me again, on the blocked images Microsoft says if it is unblocked it could cause spam-- I did find how to get it so pictures will show but now will it be safe to do the unblocking of the images? I value your expert advise and will do nothing until I hear from you. Thank you once again, Shirley Dear Shirley What a bunch of Idjits! Next, I suppose they are going to tell you that showing images causes Global Warming! Whether you display images or not is not going to make any difference at all to the amount of spam, that you have already received and that is already sitting on your machine, or to the amount of spam that you are gong to get. It is not going to make any more difference to spam than changing your default font. It is just a display setting. It never ceases to amaze me what kind of morons Microsoft hires to give them a bad name. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby, Thank so very much. I went in and unchecked the block images just as was told to do and love it love it love it. Great and was fast showing the picture. Love your advise. Thanks once again Shirley
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Classified Ads: ~ 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. ~ A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. ~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. ~ Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. ~ Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Electricity with Motion Detector Light Switches A good way to save on electric bills, especially when you have someone in the home who forgets to turn out the lights, is to install motion detector switches. These are great. They turn themselves on when you enter the room and off when you exit. By Carla from Huntington, WV Motion detector light switches are not just for forgetful people. They are a MAJOR convenience for all areas, that you normally enter or leave with your hands full, like the pantry, the coffee maker end of the kitchen, etc. These are not the big outdoor motion lights, but simply a replacement wall switch, for example Home Depot Motion Switch Model # SL-6105-WH Internet # 100654964 Use the Internet number for free shipping. They cost around $15, but they outlast manual switches, because you never have to touch them. They simply replace the old, manual wall switch. You don't have to mess with the lights at all, just replace the wall switch and set the delay time with the little wheel in it. Usually a minute after the last motion is plenty. The switch on it has 3 positions: OFF, Motion, ON In the OFF position, it disregards motion and stays off. In the ON position it stays on, even if there is no motion. If you need to send an affordable gift, that will REALLY be appreciated, you probably can't find anything better than a motion switch. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was a young Scottish lad named Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Scotland to see how her son was doing in his new life. "I'm fine," Angus said, "But there are some really strange people living here in Australia. One woman cries all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time." "Well, ma wee laddie," said his mother, "I suggest you don't associate with people like that." "Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Ma'am, I don't. No, I just stay inside ma apartment all day and night, playing ma bagpipes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I told him: "I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel, driving a relatively slow vehicle those long distances." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."

» Amazing Photos





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The Wedding Ring 


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How to Wreck A Car 

This is what this boy's 1985 black Pontiac Firebird muscle car looked like after he thought it would be cool to overtake a police cruiser at 100 MPH






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Google Chrome changes settings for other programs 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, November 28, 2010

Space enthusiasts are hurrying to Santa Barbara County in 
California to hopefully catch a glimpse of the X-37B Space Plane,
landing at Vandenberg Air Force Base. It has been in space 
since April 22 and rumor has it, that it might be coming back 
down this week. The X-37B looks similar to the Shuttle, but
is a trim military spec racer, not a deluxe VIP school bus.
So far the mission has been quite a success.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer
While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking about the NATO phonetic alphabet. She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..." But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help. I offered a hint: "What AREN'T you wearing today?" "Underwear?" she replied. (Actually, the mnemonic for U is Uniform)
BEAUTIFUL Animations With Minimum Effort! Producing 3D Animations & Graphics has never been THIS EASY The Complete 3D Creation Software Suite & IllusionMage Video Training Package "Easily The Most Powerful 3D Creation Software On The Planet!" Illusion Mage Get it now!

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ricky New, 45, of Aiken, South Carolina Lawn mower as get-away vehicle too slow A US man was arrested after he held up a convenience store with a stick - then tried to make his getaway on a lawn mower. Police say Ricky New, 45, of Aiken, South Carolina, has been charged with assault and armed robbery following the "stick up". He is accused of walking into the Kent's Korner store where he ordered the clerks to "give me your damn money", reports the Aiken Standard. He began to hit one of the clerks with the stick, said sheriff's office spokesman Capt Elwell. She threw her arm up to protect herself from the attack and was struck on the arm several times. "She was bruised, but she is OK," Capt Elwell added. "He received an undisclosed amount of money and fled the scene on his getaway vehicle - a Craftsman riding lawn mower." Sheriff's deputies caught up with Wood, who had disguised his identity by putting a white towel over his head, a short time later.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Can't click on links in mail Dear Webby, I got my problem solved (not being able to click on the URL's) I called Embarqmail, like you said, and we determined that, when I had downloaded Google Chrome the other day and didn't like it, and tried to uninstall it, it put a pop up blocker on and that was causing the trouble. Glad it got fixed - hopefully others who try it and uninstall won't have the trouble I did! Thanks for all great newsletter. Carolyn --------------------- Dear Carolyn Glad you got it fixed. You are not the only one unhappy with Google Chrome. Apparently it messes with quite a few settings, that affect other programs. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Thanks to ********* * Name withheld by request I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Electricity with Motion Detector Light Switches A good way to save on electric bills, especially when you have someone in the home who forgets to turn out the lights, is to install motion detector switches. These are great. They turn themselves on when you enter the room and off when you exit. By Carla from Huntington, WV Motion detector light switches are not just for forgetful people. They are a MAJOR convenience for all areas, that you normally enter or leave with your hands full, like the pantry, the coffee maker end of the kitchen, etc. These are not the big outdoor motion lights, but simply a replacement wall switch, for example Home Depot Motion Switch Model # SL-6105-WH Internet # 100654964 Use the Internet number for free shipping. They simply replace the old, manual wall switch. You don't have to mess with the lights at all, just replace the wall switch and set the delay time with the little wheel in it. Usually a minute after the last motion is plenty. They cost around $15, but they outlast manual switches, because you never have to touch them. If you need to send an affordable gift, that will REALLY be appreciated, you probably can't find anything better than a motion switch. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather heavy curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "Holy Shit!!!! Five Thousand!!! That will fix the church roof!"

» WorldWide Telescope





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Can't click on links in mail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, November 27, 2010

Quite frequently people ask me about whether those 4-in-one 
flatbed inkjet printers are worth what they cost.
They are not.
For what they cost, you can get a very nice color laser,
that will last five to ten times as long, plus an el-cheapo
top-feed scanner.

You can run the fax right from Windows, even if you are
on dial-up, and anything you scan, you can print with the 
laser printer. There is your color copier.

The cost per page is much lower with a laser printer, and
you never have any ink dry up or go bad. They use a powder,
that is already dry, and have an auger in each powder cartridge
to make sure the powder does not settle and cake up during
extended periods of unused storage.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A poem is never finished, only abandoned. --- Paul Valery Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. -- Laurence J. Peter
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking at me." "Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."
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Tammy goes to the hospital desk and says she needs to see an upturn. The nurse says, "You mean 'intern'." "Whatever. I need to get a contamination." The nurse corrected her, "You mean an 'examination'." "Whatever. I think I need to go to the fraternity ward." Again, the nurse corrected her: "You mean the 'maternity' ward." "Upturn / Intern, contamination / examination, fraternity / maternity, WHATEVER ! All I know is that I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant !"
Thanks to Beetle for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathan Alan Bramlage, 23 in Eugene, Oregon Phone call from police lobby leads to arrest EUGENE, Ore. (AP) - The young man apparently just wanted to phone his parents. But his mistake came when he made the call from the Eugene, Ore., police station lobby. Police say an officer working a desk assignment Wednesday recognized the man from surveillance footage of Tuesday's robbery of a Wells Fargo bank branch. The officer notified detectives, who arrested the man nearby. Police say 23-year-old Nathan Alan Bramlage was booked into the Lane County Jail for investigation of second-degree robbery and violating probation. Detective Ralph Burks tells the Register-Guard, "I just assume that he didn't believe that we'd recognize him."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Can't click on links in mail Dear Webby, for some reason when I tried to click on any URL today, it won't work. I couldn't click to vote or click on Dianne's link. I sent this email to Yahoo and could vote for you there. Any idea why this won't work? I tried other mail and get the same thing, can't click onto URL's. Thanks for any help you can give - enjoy your letter each day. Carolyn --------------------- Dear Carolyn Since you can click OK while on Yahoo, it's not your computer's fault. It must be something to do with your embarqmail. Contact their support. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Sally is employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest and trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man shrugged, "Yeah, well, that's the one and only fringe benefit I get these days for owning the company."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Allow Your Dishwasher to Air Dry Hello dishwasher FIENDS! To save energy costs, I fire off that sucker just an hour before bed time, then when it's done washing, I crack it open and let it air dry. If you are picky, this will not eliminate all of the water spots, but your dishes will be clean! I am not a fan of "spotless" but I am satisfied with saving money without that heat cycle. I changed all of my light bulbs and watched where the heat goes, my energy bill is always below $35.00. Good luck. Source: This is my tip along with tips from my energy company. By Sue from Oroville, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mother: "Where is your dad ?" "Well," her son replied thoughtfully, "if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, then he's out canoeing. If he knows as little about it as I think he does, then he's out swimming."

» Flash Mob Choral





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