Gmail picture sending problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Has anybody figured out what will happen, if England keeps
throwing salt the way they are? 1.5 MILLION TONS so far this
winter. For such a small country, that is an awful lot of salt!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. --- Arthur C. Clarke
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
A mother traveled 2,000 miles to be with her only son on the day he was to receive his Air Force wings and also get married. "It was wonderful," she said later. "It isn't every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the evening."
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clement Hunter, 30, NY NYC driver with 513 pounds of pot trps himself in dead end NEW YORK, Dec. 19 (UPI) -- A driver who fled a routine traffic stop in New York City early Sunday was arrested with 513 pounds of marijuana, police said. Clement Hunter drove his rented Dodge Caravan through a red light at Farmers and Merrick boulevards in Queens around 4 a.m., police told the New York Daily News. Officers said they tried to pull him over, but the driver sped off and ended up on a dead-end street. "He kind of traps himself. The officers basically block him off and he tries to flee on foot," a police spokesman said. "We grab him, and inside the Caravan we find 513 pounds of marijuana." Hunter, 30, of Jamaica, Queens, was charged with criminal possession of marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martin Re: Gmail problems Dear Webby, For the past couple of weeks, many of the emails I forward have gone out WITHOUT the photos included. Really getting me pissed, but have no idea why this is happening now. It also happened to the last photo you sent. Meanwhile I don't even find it in my 'sent' mail. Any ideas?? -- Martin --------------------- Dear Martin I am just a simple hillbilly, living a simple life, and I don't complicate things if I don't have to. I have used Eudora for 20 years now, and it has never done anything silly like that. You can download the full version of Eudora from http://eudora.com/techsupport/kb/2350hq.html/ Once you got it installed, let me know, and I'll send you the full registration unlock code. Then go to http://mail.google.com/support/bin/answ ... swer=13279 and follow the step by step instructions. If Eudora is too industrial for you, they have instructions there for other popular email programs too. You will still be using gmail, but with a full featured email program, not with a browser, that is just intended for peeking at the mail, while you are away from your own machine. Sure, you CAN send mail with the gmail browser page, especially if your machine has lots of RAM, but every time they add some frills, some other function gets clipped by your browser. With a full featured email program, that resides on your computer, you don't have that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
Bob went to visit his brother who was stationed in Germany. He assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that he could at least get around. But he found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched Bob's ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. Bob just nodded from time to time to show him that he was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked Bob if he spoke German. "No," he confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train going in the wrong direction."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Belts and Necklaces I received a nice wrought iron coat hanger for mounting on the wall and had it for years, but never seemed to find just the right place to hang it. I finally got the bright idea of hanging it in my walk-in closet, to put my belts on, and it works great. No more searching for that favorite belt when I'm in a hurry. Now I'm going to put another one in my other closet for my scarves, etc. By CDC from FL An old short-tine rake works fine for that too. Scrub it with a wire brush, then wash it with CocaCola. The phosphoric acid in it turns any rust into iron phosphate. Rinse, dry, and paint it with a varnish. Varnish is thicker and smoother than paint, but it will still look antiquey. Usually the "house", the part where you stick the wooden handle, has a little hole for a nail or screw. You can simply hang it by that onto a nail on a closet door inside or anywhere, and just as easily move it to a different location. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, and in a more satisfying way than anybody has ever done it for you before, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This one is from the days when Windows came on a stack of floppies instead of pre-installed on the PC. A polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

» Lunar Eclipse, if you missed it





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How do I open Winmail.dat 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Longest night of the year.
Missed the lunar eclipse this time. It was too cloudy,
plus my good camera died in April, 
so here is a picture from last time:


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. --- Confucius It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. --- John Wooden
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife didn't want the taxi driver to realize that the house would be empty, explained to him: "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab, and said, "Sorry I took so long" he says, "The old nuisance got into our bedroom and was snooping in the closet. I had to get a broom to chase her out!"
Duplicate File Cleaner Duplicate file cleaner is a powerful and professional grade duplicate file management solution, which helps you find and remove tons of duplicate pictures, music, videos and Outlook email messages. Get the Duplicate File Cleaner now!
Molly, a difficult independent 75 year old, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she saved a bun from lunch and was merrily tossing bits of it at the birds. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on Molly's parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere... when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. Without hesitation Molly told him: "Well, I can't throw that far, but you are welcome to throw your own buns anywhere you want."
Click through the picture to the large version. Hwy 64 in Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Walter Koenig, 61, in Freiburg, Germany Conman Tries To Avoid Jail By Talking For 14 Hours Published: December 20, 2010 Walter Koenig, 61, who was given the final word before being sentenced, talked for 14 hours at a court at Freiburg. Prosecutor Michael Machtel said: "It is a German record but he failed to talk himself out of jail despite the marathon speech." Koenig was jailed - after he finished his epic attempt to filibuster the court - for 3 years and three months for fraud, after the court heard how he had stolen from investors in his company.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: How do you open winmail.dat files Dear Webby, How do you open winmail.dat files? Dianne --------------------- Dear Dianne Those .dat files are helper files for Microsoft Weird sending through Outlook and for Outlook, carrying formatting data that it could not send inside a file. They just work on a LAN, where every machine has access to the one, that sent it, or some silly excuse like that. Just tell, whoever sent it, to send it standard or use IncrediMail, if they need thilly frills. Here is how to Configure Outlook to NOT send Winmail.dat attachments Turn off Rich Text sending for messages in Microsoft Outlook 1) Click on Tools 2) Click Options, and then click the Mail Format tab. 3) In the Send in this Message Format list, select Plain Text, and then click OK. This will set your default sending method to Plain Text, which will lose your special formatting options with fonts, colors, etc. However everyone, no matter what email program they are using, will now be able to receive your email with no problems. As far as I now, no other email program has that handicap. Have FUN! DearWebby
Take Control of Windows 7 A great 250 page eBook with over 170 tutorials and 40 free applications for optimizing W7. If you are stuck with W7, with this book you can civilize it and make it do what YOU want it to do. If you buy or give a W7 computer, this boook will greatly reduce the cussing. $10 discount for a limited time!
"Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck - his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Your Ham Bone for Soup When cooking a ham for the holidays and you've eaten all the meat, save the ham bone to freeze. Later you can pull it out of your freezer, throw in some beans with your frozen bone, and make a nice soup. By Diana M. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bernie came into the principals office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. “Our chickens have been disappearing.” He said. “And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o’clock, Pa got me and Ol’ Blue and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on.” He went on. “Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol’ Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn’t expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we’ve been up a-cleanin’ and a-pluckin’ more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school. " As I handed him his “Excused” slip, he muttered, “I sure hope we don’t have no chicken for lunch this week.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````` Mike's name is simply: Mike.

» Lunar Eclipse





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Randumb Humour 

In Germany, paramedics rescued this 40 year-old man
who got his manhood stuck in the vacuum cleaner.
The man told authorities his relationship with his
vacuum cleaner was purely sexual
- he didn't want any attachments.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool
and throw them fish.



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Laws of Life 

Murphy's First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller's Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Lampner's Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.


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Night camera 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, December 20, 2010

It looks like much of Europe and especially England has 
forgotten how to cope with winter. They got soft and spoiled
during the warm ripple, and the people who took care of the
roads and rails and airports 35 years ago, have all retired,
and seem to be the only ones smart enough to stay home. 

Drivers in France and Germany still believe that they don't 
need real winter tires like their parents and grand parents 
once used, with quite predictable results.

The kids seem to enjoy it, though.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. --- Jean Paul Richter The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness. --- Joseph Conrad
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free: "You are NUTS!"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
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effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I missed you at service this morning," the pastor says. "Well, Reverend", the farmer says, "I had some hay to put up. I figured there would be less cussing if I sat on a dry bale of hay thinking about church, than to sit in a dry church thinking about the hay getting rained on."
Thanks to Linda for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, Here is a great photo of icicles hanging from a tree branch over the side of a river here in Pa. They just so looked so neat I had to send them to you for others to enjoy !! Thank you, Linda R
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tony Morris, 37 in Acron, Ohio Crowbar attack prompted by chicken AKRON, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio say a man beat his brother with a crowbar during a dispute about a piece of fried chicken with a bite taken out of it. The alleged victim, Thomas Morris, 41, of Akron told investigators the incident began Sunday afternoon when his 37-year-old brother Tony threw a piece of chicken at him at their mother's home while they were both visiting, the Akron Beacon Journal reported Wednesday. Thomas Morris said his brother accused him of taking a bite out of the chicken piece and placing it back in the frying pan. He told investigators he suggested they take the dispute outside and his brother then attacked him with a crowbar, inflicting a 3-inch laceration on his forehead and other wounds. The older brother, who was treated at a local hospital, said Tony Morris fled after he got away and retrieved a shovel from a neighbor's house. Police said they were called to the home by the mother, who admitted taste-testing the piece of chicken in question. An arrest warrant was issued Sunday for Tony Morris on suspicion of felonious assault, domestic violence and menacing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Night Camera Dear Webby, You have mentioned X-10 before. Can those cheap X-10 security cameras be used to record the deer, that seem to enjoy my neighbor's garden quite frequently? Alice --------------------- Dear Alice As lng as you don't expect National Geographic style picture quality, yes, sure! Their black&white low light cameras just need a not too far away street light to produce a fairly good picture, quite good enough for police to identify an intruder. Of course, the more light you have, the better the picture will be. Color cameras need three times as much light, or three times bigger lenses. That can get quite expensive long before you get good color night time pictures. It is a lot cheaper to install a motion activated light, preferably not in line with the camera, but at 15 - 30 degrees to the side. Consider the deer to be in the center of a clock, and the camera at 6. Put the light between 4 and 5. Deer are usually not spooked by motion detector lights, as long as there is no sudden noise at the same time. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start With Youngest Child For Christmas Gifts When it comes to opening gifts it can get a little hectic. We found a way around that. When I married my husband, he introduced my family to his way of opening the gifts. His family started with the youngest opening one gift and worked their way up the line to the oldest then started over again. That way all know what everyone got and each person got the chance to thank the giver, and the giver was able to see the reaction to their gifts. It also makes the gift time last longer. Our family has adopted this tradition and loved it! Merry Christmas all. By Latrtatr from Loup City, NE http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you might have heard of a widower getting married again."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson, Alexander, said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." To which grampa answered, "Ah, but you were too young then to know the whole horrible truth!"

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Fixing up an old computer 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, December 19, 2010

Walter, The Stone carver, a subscriber since about 1994, has
opened a new site for the 
"American Friends of Italian Monumental Sculpture".
at http://staglieno.com

They want to help the city of Genoa restore the magnificent 
sculptures at the Staglieno cemetery. I wrote about that last year,
when I mentioned Walter's book Staglieno-the art of the Marble Carver

The Staglieno cemetery is the REAL "Marble Orchard", 
the finest collection of 19th and 20th century marble sculptures
in the world, just standing out in the rain near a grimy, 
industrial city. You see on this picture, how hundreds of 
years of soot and rain have affected the once shiny white 
marble. That is why Walter started this new Non-Profit org
to restore the sculptures.



Click through for the big picture

Proceeds of Walter's book Walter's book Staglieno-the art of the Marble Carver
go to help restore those sculptures. No, the sculptures in the
REAL marble orchard are not for sale, but Walter's book is. 
If you need a classy Christmas present, that is not a Walmart
bargain, get Walter's book!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Heredity is something every man believes in until his own son begins acting like a darn fool! --- Socratex
That reminds me.... One day little Johnnie came home from school and announced: "Hey, Dad! Guess what we learned! We are all descended from the APES !" His dad didn't like the notion of that one bit and blew up: "That's NONSENSE!" Johnny replied: "But, but the teacher told us so!" His dad shot back: "YOU might have an ape for an ancestor, but I sure don't!"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down, when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end... "Hello, is this Bonnie D ? We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey." Without missing a beat, she told them... "I am BUSY, you will have to survey your briefs yourself."
Thanks to Celine from Moncoindejardin.com for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Chico and Jayco
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to TSA in Texas TSA Screeners Don't Notice Loaded Handgun In Man's Carry-On December 17, 2010 If you thought the TSA's inability to notice a 6-inch hunting knife was a sign that airport screeners might as well be watching Spongebob instead of the porno-scan and X-raying you and your stuff, here's further proof. A man in Houston says the TSA screeners didn't blink an eye at the loaded .40 caliber handgun he'd forgotten was tucked away in his computer bag when he made his way through the security checkpoint at Bush Intercontinental Airport. Since the TSA requires you to run your laptop through separately from its bag, it should have been even easier for screeners to notice the gun in the laptop bag. "There's nothing else in there. How can you miss it?" asks the passenger. "You cannot miss it." The passenger noticed the gun when he arrived at his destination and reported the incident to authorities. The TSA investigated and provided "remedial instruction" for the screeners involved.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mr E Re: Refurb an old machine Sorry about the typos in the links yesterday. So here is a re-run of yesterday's Tech Support Pits Dear Webby, Long time no hear and see.. so how have you've been? As for me/us here in the usa, we are still trying to make ends meet..... ok now for my request. I am looking for a good tune up program (that wont destroy my computer, and a program that will find old programs so that i can get them off of my computer). Thank you and have a great day. Signed: Mr. E --------------------- Dear Ed For the UNinstalling, I recommend the Secure Uninstaller It finds the hidden stuff too. For tuning up, you probably need a GOOD Registry tuner like Registry Booster, because by now most likely your Registry is a chaotic mess. I use it myself too, every time I boot up. It keeps my ancient XP klunker running just fine, faster than brand new Windows7 machines. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

Old Albert goes on his first trip overseas. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled while filling out his visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder and sees the tourist trying to write "Twice a week" in the space labeled SEX. The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female.'" So he writes down: "FEMALES"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Have a Snack Basket I keep one of those little plastic baskets used for organizing in a cupboard that my kids can reach. This basket is filled with snacks that I feel they can eat without me knowing or are healthy alternatives to treats. We call it our snack basket. It is also a good tool to use with our toddler who likes to snack all day. We can put only a few snacks into the basket and when they are gone, then no more snacks! Source: This is from many different sources, but "Super Nanny" had the idea for limiting snacks with a snack jar. By Rachel from Indianapolis, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "Wait your turn," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"

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Refurb an old machine 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, December 18, 2010

We rebuilt this server after yesterday's attack. I don't know if 
somebody wanted to use the big postcard server to send 
10 Million Christmas cards to the ACLU, or to attack the Pentagon, 
but it was a very bad attack. 

Some good news for a change: 

23,096 Teddybears were thrown onto the ice during a hockey
game in Calgary, an old tradition. Details and link to a video of it
are here at Teddy Bear Rain. 
This is just a screen shot I snapped off the video and doesn't 
really show the rain of teddybears. But you get a small taste of it.

While tossing hats onto the ice when a player scores three goals 
might be hockey's most famous tossing tradition, it simply 
doesn't compare to the grandeur of 23,096 teddy bears and 
other stuffed animals blanketing the rink as they did at 
the Calgary Hitmen game on Sunday: 

For 16 years the Hitmen, who were co-owned by and named after 
former WWF champion Bret Hart, have held a Teddy Bear Toss to 
benefit over 50 charities in Alberta that work with children. 
On Monday, after the 23,000-strong toss, the players 
hand-delivered teddy bears to the Alberta Children's Hospital.  
Brett Hart died in a game a few years ago, but the tradition 
continues.

The fans bring the stuffed animals to the game and then wait 
for the first goal to be scored. For the 16,844 fans at the 
Saddledome watching the Hitmen take on the Red Deer Rebels 
on Sunday, the honor went to Cody Sylvester at 3:49 of the 
first period. He scored, and the mayhem started and continued 
for 40 minutes while play was delayed. "It's unbelievable," 
Sylvester told the Examiner after the game. 
"Scoring in front of all those fans and all those teddy bears 
coming down on you -- it's a pretty special moment." 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors. --- Thomas H. Huxley I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling "Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival." --- W. Edwards Deming
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a preacher hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.The preacher looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The preacher reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. The vet told me to take that mangy mutt out to the woods and put him out of his misery, cause pills don't help him no more."
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take up some sport, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!". "Really? What happens then?", the girl asks enthusiastic Then my body says: "Huh ? Who, me ??? You gotta be kidding!"
Click through the picture to the large version. Tromso, Norway
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Wright, 39, in Springfield, MO Hammer Holdup SPRINGFIELD, Mo. -- Greene County prosecutors charged a man o n Wednesday afternoon for two robberies of convenience stores earlier that day. City police arrested David Wright, 39, not long after the second robbery. In both robberies, the bandit threatened clerks with a hammer. The first was just after 4 a.m. at the Kum & Go at 1605 E. Kearney St. The second was a little later at the Kum & Go at 1550 N. Glenstone Ave. Police say the robber threatened the clerks with a hammer and ran off with money. Police arrested Wright in the 1700 block of East Kearney at Rancho Court Motel. If he's convicted, he could face prison sentences of between 10 and 30 years for each of two counts of first-degree robbery and at least three years for each of two counts of armed criminal action. A judge set his bond at $200,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mr E Re: Refurb an old machine Dear Webby, Long time no hear and see.. so how have you've been? As for me/us here in the usa, we are still trying to make ends meet..... ok now for my request. I am looking for a good tune up program (that wont destroy my computer, and a program that will find old programs so that i can get them off of my computer). Thank you and have a great day. Signed: Mr. E --------------------- Dear Ed For the UNinstalling, I recommend the Secure Uninstaller It finds the hidden stuff too. For tuning up, you probably need a GOOD Registry tuner like Registry Booster, because by now most likely your Registry is a chaotic mess. I use it myself too, every time I boot up. It keeps my ancient XP klunker running just fine, faster than brand new Windows7 machines. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

Mia went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't. She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't really know when to honk the horn or not."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations In Garment Bags Large swags or garlands can be stored in the zippered garment bags you can get in the dollar store. You can tie them to a hanger for storage in a closet or lay them on a shelf. Easier than trying to put them in a box or wrapping in paper to store. By Monica from Scranton, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phoney $18 bills would be in some small Southern hick town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines, or 3 sixes?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

» Best Snow Man Ever





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Cure Hemorrhoids & Piles Naturally In 48 Hours Without Side-Effects 



If you've tried many types of hemorrhoid solutions then you probably understand the differences of how each is used. In this article, I'll go over what each of them do for the body, how they intend to treat hemorrhoids or piles, and the controversial, raw truth on most of them.


The first popular type is creams and ointments where a topical treatment is rubbed on your outer rectal area and aims to soothe blood vessels. This creates a relaxation of the tissue so that it does not bulge out so much. Once the tissue does not bulge, the hemorrhoid will be less likely to flare up. This is great for some relief in the temporal matter but unfortunately you are practically guaranteed to flare up again.

The 2nd type that is very popular as well in the form of suppositories which is inserted inside the rectum for the purposes of delivering moisture to the hemorrhoid and creating a lubricating effect once the next rectal pressure comes. The aim is to ensure the hemorrhoid heals without rupturing again. For some it works well, for others not so but it's worth seeing.

The 3rd type is pills where one can consume that regulate some blood pressure in the system. This can have its side effects but overall it's used to tighten vein tissue so that the hemorrhoid is less susceptible to problems. It's a very top down approach that has its benefits but can also induce real side effects and big pharmacies like to push this.

These three types are the most common and once these are exhausted, you still have options such as cryotherapy or surgery. It all depends on the individual case and what you can tolerate. In my personal experience, it's best to first try the safer options before going to the extreme measures. Even if the pain is unbearable, you can still use relief from these methods. It’s just not pleasant long-term either.

Now, not all hope is lost.
I do have one solution that has surprised me pleasantly. I’d like to review a totally safe, natural remedy that works within a few days. It’s called the H Miracle system and you can find it at:
Cure Hemorrhoids & Piles Naturally In 48 Hours Without Side-Effects


It’s already been proven by hundreds, if not thousands of success stories in the underground fashion of alternative medicine. The system includes ingredient resources, charts, audio lessons and basically everything you need to cure your hemorrhoids one and for all. I really recommend it and just see the testimonials from users who have triumphed even severe hemorrhoids for good.

Once again, see the free report on this at:
Cure Hemorrhoids & Piles Naturally In 48 Hours Without Side-Effects



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Hijacked IE search 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning, HTML-START !
It's Friday, December 17, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show support for the troops!

One of our servers got attacked in the evening. That sure 
caused a lot of unplanned work! 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Winners must learn to relish change with the same enthusiasm and energy that we have resisted it in the past. --- Tom Peters If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld
Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get into that pen and I can answer all of my mail before the first one climbs over it!"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband bragged. His wife explained: "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates quite well and I know how to act like I'm listening."
Click through the picture to the large version. Lighthouse in Ohio today
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peter Lawrence, 71, in San Diego Man, 71, gets 21 years for wheelchair bank robbery SAN DIEGO (AP) - A 71-year-old terminally ill man has been sentenced to 21 years in a California prison for rolling his wheelchair into a San Diego bank and holding it up with a replica BB gun. Judge Jeffrey Fraser said Friday that Peter Lawrence could theoretically get out of prison at age 90, when he would no longer be a threat to the public. According to City News Service, Lawrence told the judge he robbed the Chase bank of more than $2,000 this summer because he felt hopeless after being diagnosed with a myriad of medical problems. Defense lawyer Kenneth Kaminiski says his client did not want to harm anyone. Kaminiski says Lawrence wanted to get caught so he would not have to live on the streets. Prosecutors said Lawrence was a danger because he could use a real weapon in the future.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Peggy Re: Hijacked IE search Dear Webby, Why is it that I am being redirected to advertising sites when I click on specific links? For example, I was searching for a specific size label, I had already been on the Avery label website and did not find it. I put the size info in my browser search window and it gave me a list of links to try. One was for Avery labels so I clicked on that link, but instead of going to the page I wanted, I was redirected to another site. This is happening more and more. I did a search and found an article that said I probably had been hacked and needed to do a virus scan. I immediately did a complete scan with Malwarebytes and found nothing. Would you have any advice to help with this problem? Thanks for your daily letter, I enjoy the humor and take note of all the computer knowledge you share with us. Peggy Oliver HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS AND KEEP THEM SAFE --------------------- Dear Peggy Which browser are you using? --------------------- IE --------------------- Dear Peggy That might explain, why I can't duplicate that weird browser behavior. IE is not secure enough for me, so I banned it from our machines some time ago. We use strictly just FireFox, and for searching, we use Google. You could try running SpyWare-Search&Destroy. McAfee has kept browser hijackers off my machines, but I have read that SpyWare-Search&Destroy does nab some hijackers, that Malwarebytes misses. You could also check and make sure that you don't have any goofy tool bars like the Yahoo or ATT search bar installed in your IE. If you do, then of course all bets are off. By the way, what size or type of label are you looking for? Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks for your advice. I tried using Firefox, but it messed up whenever I tried to access the banking websites. So I went back to IE out of necessity. I'm pretty sure I don't have any other tool bars, I always decline those whenever I have to download anything. I was looking for a label the size of a sheet of paper - we want to print on it and then paste it inside a file folder. --------------------- Dear Peggy I had to tell my bank once, that if they don't bring their site up to standard, I would move to a better bank. They were up to standard in a couple of days. Re full sheet labels: Those are awfully expensive! Why don't you just get an UHU stick (dry glue stick that looks like a yellow lipstick), and paste regular, cheap paper into the folders? I have done that for ages. One line across the top and a quick X is all it takes to hold a page forever. If you do want the sticky 8 1/2" x 11" labels, they are Avery # 5265 http://snipurl.com/fullsheetlabel You can order them from Staples: $11.99 for 25 labels. http://snipurl.com/staples-avery5265 However, if you want to do it like I do and print the folder liners onto the blank back-sides of mail, that you are not going to read a second (or first) time,... Liquid Glue Pens are $1.27 for two http://snipurl.com/liquid-glue-pens Single dry glue sticks are $1.79 http://snipurl.com/dry-glue-stick A six-pack of dry glue sticks is $10 http://snipurl.com/6-clear-dry-glue-sticks And then there is still the good ol' flour glue. A pinch of flour and a few drops of water mixed in a spoon or bottle cap makes a pretty wicked, permanent paper and wood glue. Same as with most liquid glues, if you make it too thin, you have to weigh it down for a few minutes, so that it doesn't warp the paper. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flat Paper Bows for Shipped Packages Do you have to mail gifts and don't want the bows to be mashed, yet don't want to leave them "plain?" Cut out pictures of pretty bows or make flat "bows" and "ribbons" out of construction paper and glue them on. You could play with this idea and have creative fun with it. By Sid from Bristol, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run to the the cemetery to get more flowers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bill for this story: Last year at Christmas time, I dressed up in my Santa suit and after greeting my children, my wife asked the kids if they wanted to take Santa to a relative's house. They said yes. So I got in the minivan and went to the relative's house. While at their house, my son started misbehaving, so I said in the most bass voice I could muster. "Son, you better behave or Santa won't bring you any presents." My innocent 5 y/o son turned to my wife and said, "Mommy, Santa is walking home!"

» Curious Flora
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Well, HTML-START , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog






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Multiple anti-malware programs 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 16, 2010

While weeding out the bonehad candidates, I noticed an 
interesting trend. Some people actually WANT to go to jail, 
apparently to have a warm place to live.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. --- Oscar Wilde "It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'" --- Sam Levenson
Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside. Hurt, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?" "Of course, dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get
Speedy Green Cleaning!

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a kid." "OOOPS," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
Thanks to Verna from Beechy, Saskatchewan for these pictures: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, The December rain in the Coteau Hills was prettier on the weeds than on the road! Verna
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie L. Pennington, 39 in Helena, Montana Helena woman asks to be arrested When spinning doughnuts in front of the police station didn’t get her the attention she wanted, an allegedly drunken 39-year-old Helena woman parked her vehicle, went to the window at the law enforcement center and asked for assistance in getting arrested for driving under the influence. “She was upset that she had been driving around spinning donuts and no officers had arrested her. She said she wanted to get arrested because she was drunk,” Helena Police Chief Troy McGee said. Julie L. Pennington’s request was granted at about 2 a.m. Tuesday, McGee said. Pennington also allegedly crashed into a vehicle parked near the police station and took out the bumper of her 1991 Jeep Cherokee by hitting a retaining wall in the backside of the building. “She said she was breaking the law on purpose to try and get arrested,” McGee said. Police arrested Pennington on misdemeanor charges of DUI, driving with no insurance, careless driving, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident, driving on a suspended license and having an open container of alcohol in the vehicle. Police say she remained too intoxicated to appear before Helena Municipal Court judge Tuesday morning.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Multiple anti-malware programs Dear Webby, I currently have Norton, MacAfee and Trend Micro PC-Cillin. This seems a bit redundant to me and I'm getting reminders to renew. Which would you let expire ? I bow to your expertise. Merry Christmas. Pat --------------------- Dear Pat I use McAfee, Registry Booster, MailWasher, and DisKeeper Each of those is the best in their own separate field. They don't duplicate each other. Sure, you could use McAfee to reduce your spam, and if you are not fussy, that is probably good enough. But if you DO get a lot of spam and don't want to waste time on it, then you need the big gun: MailWasher. The same applies to DisKeeper. There are dozens of defragmenters available, many even free, but you get exactly what you pay for with those. If your data is not worth $29, then get a free defragmenter and disk tuner. Unlike most magazine writers, I don't just reprint promotional material. I only recommend what I actually use and actually like. The programs I mention here I have used for many years on my own machines. Other programs I experience on other people's machines. Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of registration. "He's a magician," said the new boy. "How exciting. What's his best trick?" "He saws people in half." "How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?" "Yep...one half brother and two half sisters."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give the New Jammies the Night Before For a fun Christmas tradition, new Christmas jammies for the family with matching slipper socks. I put them all into a big gift box to be opened Christmas Eve. Then Christmas pics around the tree in our pretty and colorful new jammies. By Mamie from Upstate NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied. "Our house isn't blue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A certain motivational speaker snuck out the back stage exit for a smoke while an assistant was showing a short audivisual presentation. Out there, huddled against the rain under the shelter of the stage loading dock were some members of a school board meeting who had gone outside "for some fresh air". One of them recognized him by his bright name tag and instantly struck up a conversation as if she was familiar with him. "Tell me," she asked, "how you detect in somebody whether they have potential for success or not?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' She thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

» Christmas Lights





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Presents 


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Reminder Service 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 15, 2010

When I was leaving to go to Okotoks this afternoon my big, 
heavy wind chime, a gift from Sandie, after I admired hers 
during hurricane Wilma a few years ago, was bouncing and 
gonging like crazy. I got about a block, then snow squalls 
suddenly appeared. In the 70 km/h zone, they passed me!

Just past that zone, the highway makes a right angle turn and 
runs South to North for half a mile, crosswise to the wind.
There was a van a bit ahead of me, facing about 20 degrees 
towards the left, but moving straight, like a sail boat. Well, 
a moment later I had to do the same for that half mile.

From there to Okotoks it was straight downwind. At times
the snow squalls were keeping up with me, at times they 
were passing me. I got excellent gas mileage!

In Okotoks I had to use my feet against the door to get 
it open, but then got a mighty push towards the store and
arrived there a lot faster than I had intended.

By the time I came out of the store, the Chinook had blown
away all the cold and moist and snowy air and was blowing
a dry and almost warm.

Toronto and Chicago, you definitely ARE going to get 
White Christmas. By the time this Chinook has crossed
the prairies and th Great Lakes, it is going to be loaded!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. --- H. L. Mencken
During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout with less than 3 coffee and cake breaks," she said.
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students. “As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.” The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?” “Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d probably limp, too.”
Thanks to Christine for these pictures: Click through the picture to the large version. Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, Just one month ago I was introduced to your wonderful Humor Page, but it's the first thing I read every morning. It somehow puts a bit of sun and a good start to the day. Many of the truly funny jokes I forward to friends. I love reading about your personal reports from your wintery home, while I swelter in 30 degrees plus. So I am sending you a bit of my own hot summer entertainment on the veranda, to have a glimpse of the other side of the world. Many are grateful for the efforts you put into cheering up this often chaotic and traumatised planet. I am sure of that. My best wishes and looking forward to more Webby fun. Christine B. (homesick for Canada)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elaine Emter, 33, of Edmonton, Alberta Woman demands more fudge, bites cop EDMONTON, Alberta (UPI) -- A Canadian woman accused of biting a police officer during a fracas over a hot fudge sundae was given probation and community service after pleading guilty. Elaine Emter, 33, of Edmonton, Alberta, pleaded guilty Wednesday to causing a disturbance and resisting arrest, yielding her 18 months of probation with 40 hours of community service, the Edmonton Sun reported. The incident will be removed from Emter's record if she successfully completes the conditions of her discharge, Judge Donna Groves ruled. Crown prosecutor Laura Marr said Emter became disruptive at a McDonald's drive-through March 15 and insisted there was not enough hot fudge on her sundae. However, workers would not exchange the item without a receipt. Marr said officers arrived and questioned Emter while she was still in the parking lot and she was "in their faces" shouting. The prosecutor said Emter tried to drive away, but was stopped and informed she was being charged with causing a disturbance. However, the woman refused to get out of her car and one of the officers had to place her in a choke hold so she could be handcuffed. Marr said Emter then bit one of the officers and they twice used a stun gun on her head to subdue her.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karlie Re: Reminder Service Dear Webby, Do you know of a reminder service, that is cheap, or at least affordable, and still reliable? Thanks Karlie --------------------- Dear Karlie I use MyMemorizer. It is free and 100% reliable. Some great people in Sweden provide it. You can even have up to two SMS text messages per day sent to your phone. If you need more than two, you can buy those extras. I have used the free emailed reminders for years, and I am very happy with them. You can even set advance warnings a day or week in advance, in addition to the on-time reminder. Highy recommended! Have FUN! DearWebby
Christmas Pictures - Huge Christmas Graphics Package
The 156 MB Christmas Graphics Super Pack, is chock
full of .jpg, .gif, and .png files to keep you busy for many
Christmases to come! Over 1500 pictures included. use them
for anything from gift tags to web sites.
Christmas Pictures

A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my mother-in-law would appreciate that." "Your mother-in-law?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn to swim in a hurry."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Cards Cut for Tree Paper Chain Christmas cards can be cut into strips and make into delightful "chains' for your tree. Also I have made chains using red and green paper from old wallpaper books. By ilovemydog from Pittsburgh, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, about half of them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

» Visiting the Trypillians





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Computer power supply for electric fence 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Online shopping has been stopped in England. Customers of most
major retailers like Tesco, Sainsbury's, Marks&Spencer, Boots and
Asda were told yesterday that no more orders were taken for delivery
in 2010. They were warned that with even more snow on the way, 
delivery could not be guaranteed or expected.

Apparently they didn't fart around enough and Gullible Warming
was snowed out. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. ---Alfred A. Knopf "If you make every game a life and death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." --- Dean Smith
A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to age ten years every time I take off my hat!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tracey Attaway,39, in Augusta, Georgia Thanks to Martin for sending this report Crook fall down, go crunch AUGUSTA, Ga. - A U.S. Marine reservist collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in eastern Georgia. Best Buy sales manager Orvin Smith told The Augusta Chronicle that man was seen on surveillance cameras Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the Augusta store. When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran toward the door. Outside were four Marines collecting toys for the service branch's "Toys For Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe, but he required several stitches. The Marines detained and held Attaway until police arrived and arrested him. Attaway was charged with armed robbery, aggravated assault and possession of a knife during the commission of a crime.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ben Re: Computer power supply for electric fence? Dear Webby, I need to electrify my garden fence to keep kritters out. Would the powersupply box from an old computer work for that? Ben --------------------- Dear Ben No, it wouldn't. What you need to do is the opposite. You have to increase the votage, but stil keep it reasonably safe. A thermostat transformer, that is CSA and UL approved, can handle the voltage produced, when it is connected backwards. If you connect it backwards, it produces 440 Volts. Put a little 1/4 Amp circuit breaker or fuse into the line from the plug to the transformer. Since the output will have four times the voltage, but only a quarter the current, that makes it child safe. You want it to be shocking, not killing. The breaker won't pop instantly, it will hold through the time it takes to scare an animal, but it WILL pop if a kid holds onto it on a dare. The current is also limited by the transformer itself. White plastic water pipe works well for insulating the high voltage line from the transformer to the fence and for fence posts. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary,
drab photos into beautiful images.
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A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bake Christmas Cookies in Stages I just finished baking Christmas cookies and I realized how easy it was because I do it in stages. Saturday evening, I made the dough for 3 batches. Then I refrigerated it until today. (you have to refrigerate the dough anyway for my recipe of sour cream sugar cookies. It took about 2 hours to make 3 separate batches, including clean up time. Today, I cut them out and baked them. About another 2 hours, again, including clean up time. Tomorrow I will ice and decorate them. This way, I don't get tired out or bored and the job is done with very little or no stress. If I did this all in one day, I'd be in the kitchen all day and well into the evening probably. So, avoid the stress and do your baking in stages. Works for me. Source: My mother from years ago. By Chef4u from Sylvania, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number."

» CP Christmas Train





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100 Ways To Get Rid Of A Telemarketer 

Completely Outrageous
– Sometimes I am just in a mood for exaggerating and so I’ll lay one of these on the caller:


1. Sorry I am right in the middle of disarming a bomb (RED WIRE or BLUE WIRE!!!!).

2. Yes I do have a minute but have to warn you that my phone could be shutoff at any point during this call as I refuse to pay my bill.

3. I’m sorry there is an alligator in my backyard and I have to use this phone to call animal control.

4. I am right in the middle of committing suicide so don’t say the wrong thing or you might push me over the edge literally.

5. I am trapped in a box that is buried under ground so I’m not going to need your services.

6. I am just about to take off in my hot air balloon, sounds like you might be a gas bag, wanna come?

7. Whoo hoo! I just won the lottery, they just called my NUMBERS on the TV!

8. I would talk to you but I believe my phone is tapped so I won’t ever be able to safely use it again.

9. I need to use my phone to call the President of the United States and alert him to your great offer.

10. Charlie Sheen and I are about to go crazy with a night on the town and then we are going to rip apart his hotel room, I’m not missing this for anything!


Family Related
– If you have a family (okay even if you don’t) you can try these:

1. Queue kids crying (or just let out a whale yourself). Enough said.

2. Have your young child answer the phone and talk to your telemarketer friend (that can be pretty funny).

3. I’m sorry I have to go pick my child up from the school, the park, the anywhere…

4. I was just pulling dinner out of the oven for my family.

5. My son/daughter just spilled a glass of juice on the carpet.

6. Our dog has to go outside right now.

7. My son is learning to use the potty so now like every five minutes I have to take him in there.

8. I’m sorry my daughter needs the phone right now for a teen emergency.

9. Sorry you have to talk to my spouse about that.

10. Baby talk to them just like you would to an infant.


Pure Honesty – Sometimes you just have to say it like it is…


1. Honestly I have time to talk to you I just can’t stand telemarketers.

2. I am on the do not pester (call) list which you obviously ignored.

3. I wouldn’t talk to you if my life depended on it.

4. The sound of your voice makes a blood vessel pop in my head.

5. I can’t listen fast enough to hear all the crap you are rattling off.

6. If I had a dollar for every time one of you called, I might actually be able to afford what you are selling.

7. My time is too valuable to me and you are wasting it.

8. Take me off of your list. Goodbye.

9. If you would let me get a word in I would tell you, but since you won’t I’ll just hang up now.

10. I’ll listen to your awesome deal if you listen to my sad story about why you are wasting your time talking to me.


Caller-ID Assisted – So if you have caller ID like I do then you know that a telemarketer is about to call so you can use these:


1. If you have the name of the company you can just answer with the name of the company (Chase Bank, can I interest you in a credit card?).

2. For whatever reason I like to pick on pizza companies too so I’ll just answer and say thank you for calling Pizza Hut, may I please put you on hold?

3. Sometimes I’ll do the old Seinfeld bit and pretend to be a movie service. Thank you for calling Cinemark, the following movies are currently showing… Press 1 for… I did not hear you why don’t you tell me what movie you would like to see.

4. My old standby, just let it go over to the machine or voicemail and avoid the whole situation (weak, but I do it too often).

5. If you are really thinking ahead you can play back a recording from the last time they called you.

6. You can repeat their phone number and let them know you are going to report them to the BBB (make up any old reason).

7. If you are up on all the companies you can pretend to be the CEO or someone important in the company, see if they recognize the name.

8. You can act surprised and say how long it has been since you last chatted and how you are looking forward to catching them up on all the latest.

9. You can play their most recent radio ad or tv commercial back to them over the phone when you pick up.

10. You can 3-way call them to another rep at their company (use the number from caller ID).


Bathroom Related
– Okay well this is one of the surest and easiest ways to get them off of the phone.


1. Sorry I am right in the middle of dropping a deuce.

2. Just a simple flush of the toilet can get them off of the line.

3. I can’t believe this still works after I dropped it in the toilet, wow that’s some engineering, eh?

4. I have a really bad case of diarrhea and really got to run.

5. Excuse me I need to go see a man about a horse.

6. Do you think it is rude to talk on the phone while I go to the bathroom (crude noises to follow).

7. Oh man! I am out of toilet paper you think you can have someone bring me a square or two?

8. Run the tub or shower and let them know you can’t hear them too well over the water.

9. Ask the telemarketer if they installed a phone in their bathroom too.

10. Lecture them on the possible health risks of “holding it.”


Work Related
– This works out really well if you are either at work or work from home at times (and who doesn’t do that nowadays???).


1. My boss is on the other line can you call back?

2. I am in the middle of a meeting and can’t talk now.

3. I have to send a fax right now and I only have one phone line.

4. I am swamped with work, can’t talk now.

5. This is a work phone number stop calling me here.

6. If I get caught talking on the phone I could lose my job.

7. I have a client on the other line.

8. My tech support specialist just picked up on the other line, gotta go.

9. Put them on hold with your own muzak while you get the “boss”.

10. Tell them you are writing a list of the 100 best ways to get rid of a telemarketer and see what ideas they might have.


Sports Related – If you are a big sports fan you might try these.


1. Gooooooooooooaaaaaalllllllll! Soccer game is on gotta run.

2. YES! YES! Whoo hoo! Awesome score! I can’t believe it! Hang up.

3. Talk about the latest antics of Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, or any of the craziest of crazy sports stars.

4. Ask the telemarketer for fantasy football, baseball, or basketball advice.

5. Bounce a basketball and make it clear that you are playing hoops.

6. Run in place until you get out of breath.

7. Start wheezing and coughing as if you ran too much and have asthma.

8. Start telling the telemarketer about your high school sports glory days.

9. Make it sound like you are in a stadium with thousands of screaming fans.

10. Grunt like you are lifting weights and they are super heavy.


Religious Related
– You have to be willing to use your religion for an unintended purpose.


1. Sorry it is time for me to sacrifice an animal to the god of wealth and fortune.

2. Bless you sir, I do have some time if you have some time for me to tell you about my church.

3. It is against my religious beliefs to talk business on a Monday night (during football season).

4. This is the church’s phone number please don’t call here.

5. I’d listen to you, but it’s time for my daily devotions.

6. You’ll have to send a donation to keep talking to me on the phone.

7. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Do you want me calling you?

8. I’d like to talk to you but I believe you are the devil.

9. I donated all of my worldly possessions to my supreme leader please call him.

10. If I did have time to talk I’m sure there are better ways I should be spending it helping my family, church, or community.


Medical Related
– Again, this is probably borderline unethical but you can try these.


1. Sorry I have to collect my stool sample for the doctor and it is an emergency.

2. Continuously cough as if you are having a terrible coughing fit.

3. Tell them you have a bloody nose and have to tend to it.

4. Tell them you got distracted coming to the phone and cut yourself with a knife that you were dicing onions with.

5. Tell them you just burned yourself taking something out of the oven when the phone startled you.

6. I have to take some medication right now that will put me asleep for a few hours, please call back.

7. Continuous sneezing may do the trick as well if you can make it sound semi-legit especially.
You get extra credit for blowing your nose loudly after each one.

8. Well one that I hear frequently is the old headache excuse but I’d go for a migraine it’s much more effective.

9. I can’t hear, I lost my hearing aid (of course talk loudly).

10. I just got back from the dentist (talk like your mouth is numb).


Annoying – If you really have some time to kill try these:


1. Repeat everything they say back to them.

2. Talk over them non-stop about literally anything.

3. Read a book or newspaper loudly while they are talking.

4. Turn up the music right by the phone and tell them you can’t hear them.

5. Tell them you are hard of hearing and can’t hear them, keep it up.

6. Just bark like a dog the entire time.

7. Talk very loudly in any made-up language you can think of
(you can resort to R2D2 Star Wars talk if you must…nerd alert).

8. Talk in pig latin to them.

9. Say everything backwords (literall each word).

10. Just let out a big loud scream.




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Are spiral lamps OK around monitors? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, December 13, 2010

I was surprised to find out today, that people in China are not
allowed to watch that NASA shuttle launch video. The same 
goes for almost all YouTube content. I agree that there is a 
lot of silly and useless stuff on YouTube, but there is also 
a lot of good, clean information there, that I would really 
miss if I was not allowed to view it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
I never know how much of what I say is true. --- Bette Midler It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. --- James Thurber If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. --- Bill Vaughan
"I'd like two pork chops," said the patron to her butcher, "and make them lean." "Yes ma'am," said the obliging butcher, standing them on end. "Which way?"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

Many answering machines have a test button to test play your different answering messages. You can easily save a special one on the alternate message and play that for nuisance callers. Here is an example: "This is the Microwave speaking. The answering machine is too busy to talk to you. If you want anything boiled, please hold it up to the phone. If you are a telemarketer, please press the star key now."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Today is Lucia day in Sweden. Lillemor Doesn't she look cute with her new hairdo?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two not named people in Ft Walton Beach, Florida Driver's unzipped pants lead to passenger's arrest FORT WALTON BEACH -- A man stopped for driving with an inoperable brakelight on Nov. 23 was questioned when the officer noticed the man's pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. The condition of the man's pants was obvious when he was asked to step out and look at the lights for himself When the officer questioned him, the driver said he had just left his girlfriend's house and had picked up the 36-year-old female in his car to give her a ride home. After the officer advised the man that he believed a sexual act was performed in the vehicle, the man said the female had offered to perform that sexual act for $20. The man added that he had paid the $20 but had not yet gotten the act. The defendant had $20 in her pocket, according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report. She was charged with soliciting for prostitution. The slow on the zipper blabbermouth was not charged.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosa Re: Spiral tube fluorescents Dear Webby, I am considering changing the lighting to save money. Can I use those spiral tube fluorescent lights near monitors or will that cause flickering and eye strain? Thanks Rosa --------------------- Dear Rosa That depends on where you are. In Europe, where they use lazy 50 Hz electricity, people do indeed complain about flicker. In the rest of the world, where we use 60 Hz, the flicker is not noticeable. In addition to that, the newer spiral tube lamps use phosphors and other oxides, that remain glowing longer, and they also use diferent electronics to shift the frequency up. If you use one of those adjustable Z-arm light fictures with a conical or hat style reflector shining down onto your desk from about two feet away, a 13 Watt spiral tube lamp will give you comfortable lighting. It won't light up the entire office like two sets of four 40Watt fluorescents would, but your work station will be well lit, at 1/12th the electrical cost. Just be gentle with those Z-arm fixtures. The post, on which they swivel, is made to break easily. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary,
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One of Ginny's picture frames was broken, and she decided to try her hand at repairing it. A screw was missing in one corner, so sheI called the hardware store. "Do you carry screws for picture frames?" she asked. "What size do you need?" "I don't know, but it's rather small." The man sighed. "Ma'am, would that be closer to 'itsy-bitsy' or 'teeny-weeny?'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Ziplock Bags To Organize Stocking Stuffers Each Christmas, I collect stocking stuffers for my children, my husband and myself. To make sure that the stockings are going to be equally full, I place each person's items in a gallon ziplock bag, which is just the right size for our stockings. This keeps me organized as well as making sure I don't get too much stuff. Merry Christmas! By Stephanie from Hillsboro, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Morris, a parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead. Furious at the factory's incompetence, Morris promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words, "Turn the box around."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to a dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry and don't want to waste money on a silly tooth." the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

» Coming to a sky near you on Tuesday





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The Perfect Christmas Gift 

The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!

Learn the secrets to saving time, money, and effort!

Declutter your life!

Learn how to create inexpensive, effective homemade cleaning recipes, and step-by-step speed cleaning instructions.

Discover the secret methods to declutter and stay decluttered.

This book has it all.

This is the perfect Christmas gift for the environmentally concious.

This is the gift that will actually get USED.

Get Speedy Green Cleaning!
Click Here!


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The Grinch Test 

How to Tell if You're a Grinch

1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name.
(5 points)

2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply.
(5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)

3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer.
(10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)

4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children.
(1 point for each piece of sticky candy).
If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.

5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends.
(5 points for each infraction).

6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day.
(5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.

7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home.
(5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)

8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own [Southern California only, others ignore].
(5 points -- nobody but Angelenos are dumb enough to dress a car)

9. After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made.
(5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year.

10. Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no.
(20 points)



Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.

20-30: You are just a cheeseball.
30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived.


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Computer to old Boom Box 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, December 12, 2010

Here is a nice treat for you, if you are the least bit interested in
the space shuttle: Ascent
It is a collection of fairly high resolution super slow motion videos
of shuttle launches shot from diferent angles with some incredible
cameras, some with lenses, that weigh over 200 pounds. 
Ascent has just been released by NASA.

Some of the videos have been shot at 1200 frames per second, 
and are then displayed at YouTube standard 24 frames per second.

I found myself hitting ALT-PrintScreen again and again to clip
a frame, not so much on the real close-ups, but on really lucky
coincidences, like this one with the sun peeking around the 
booster.



Get your coffee during the boring two minute introduction. 
Ascent is 45 minutes long, showing shuttle launches from
many different angles and distances.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. --- Robert Orben Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? --- George Wallace Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went." "But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "Where is what ?", Scott answered. "My ball! My golf ball!" "Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there. Her ball went into the water."
Thanks to Rosemarie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Australian mountain parrots, the red and blue kind are Crimson Rosella and the red and green are King Parrots.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robin Powell, 45 and Hayley Powell, 18 in Gastonia, NC Mother, daughter both charged with DWIs after crash in Gastonia Gastonia, North Carolina (The Weekly Vice) - A mother and daughter were arrested Sunday on DUI charges after they struck a vehicle, fled the scene of the accident and then attempted to switch drivers to avoid a DUI arrest - when both were intoxicated anyway, and the mother had a revoked drivers license. Hayley Powell, 18, was under the influence of prescription type pills when she crashed into another vehicle at 3:35 p.m. on Sunday in Gastonia. Fearing a second possible DWI charge, Hayley switched seats with her mom, 45-year-old Robin Powell. Mom, though, was not a good choice, either. Robin Powell admitted to the officer that she had been using cocaine and prescription drugs, and her driver's license had been revoked some time ago. As a result, both Powells were charged with DWI, hit and run, and various other charges. They were both booked into the Gaston County Jail, where they are rather familiar faces. Hayley has been booked 11 times in the past 14 months, while Mom has been arrested eight times since 2008.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Angela Re: Head set microphone and speakers Dear Webby, I got mom's "Ol' Boom Box", actually a huge entertainment center, including a TV, that doesn't work, a record player, fancy cut glass door cabinets, carved ornamental grills in front of huge speakers, and gorgeous sound that used to wake me up two floors up. Can I use that instead of the earphones on my head set, but keep the microphone part? How do I connect to the Ol Boom Box? It has screw terminals instead of sockets. Thanks Angela --------------------- Dear Angela Yes, you most certainly can use mom's Ol' Boom Box! To connect, get a 1/8" Stereo to 4 wire screw terminal splitter cable from RadioShack. Plug the 1/8" stereo jack into the green socket on the copmputer, and connect the screw terminals to the AUX Input on the boom box, or where the record player is connected. If left and right speakers wind up reversed, just switch the wires to the red terminals. The black ones are common and won't make a difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her a card, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "We hadn't started eating yet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Attach Child's Picture to Gift We have young grandchildren who live out of state so to make their Christmas gifts seem even more special, we attach a picture of each child to their gift. We use a single hole punch to make a hole in a corner of the picture. We laminate the photo but you don't have to. Then run a small piece of ribbon through the hole and tie the ends together. Next (after wrapping the gift) run a second ribbon through the first one and then around the gift, and tie it off. We place a bow on the knot for looks. Then after they open the gift they use the new picture as an ornament for the tree. If you put the date on the back of the picture they can see how they have changed through the years. It creates a great memory tree. Hope you enjoy this tip. Source: I'm not sure where I got it. We have been doing this for a few years now. By Shotowolf from Columbus, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head sadly, "Whenever I mention sex, they object."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since."

» Weird Critters
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice- mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager got a message on his answering machine: "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long....





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Reindeer Selection 


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Printing calendars 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, December 11, 2010
Thank you David!

When I went to the kitchen to get some water, I noticed 
that the outside motion activated light was on and some
movement. There were four deer casually sauntering 
along the fence and taking a shortcut behind the garage
to the back alley. They seem to take that route quite
frequently, but today was the first time I actually saw them.

Because I just have a very low wattage spiral tube light 
out there and it was quite foggy, there was no point 
running for the camera. 

Hopefully by next winter I can set up a motion activated
webcam.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. --- Oscar Wilde Never confuse motion with action. -- Benjamin Franklin "All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost." -- J. R. R. Tolkien
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks passed before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
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A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To pull out all his savings?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittney Sykes, 23 and Emma Westhusing, 19 in Portland, Oregon Bank robbers wasted time googling "Tracking Device" Brittney Sykes and Emma Westhusing had been talking about robbing a bank for about a month when the duo allegedly pulled a heist Monday at an Oregon credit union. The weapon-free robbery netted them $1370--for 20 minutes, at least. Sykes, 23, handed the teller a note, while Westhusing, 19, drove the getaway car--were almost immediately undone by a tracking device that the teller placed among the 48 bills she forked over. An amusing U.S. District Court affidavit describes what happened when the duo found the suspicious device when they returned to Sykes’s house to count the loot. Sykes (pictured above left) told investigators that she “went to a computer and searched the Internet to figure out what the device might be.” Panicking and assuming that the pair would be busted, Sykes “ran out to her car and hid the device.” It is unclear why she did not try to dispose of it somewhere besides underneath the driver’s side floor mat in her purple Hyundai Accent. For her part, Westhusing said that when the tracking device was discovered, Sykes thought it was a dye bomb, “so she threw it against the wall.” Her cohort, she added, “then stomped on it, and then looked up what it was on the Internet.” While the pair was busy Googling, Oregon cops were following a GPS signal to Sykes’s Portland residence. The pair was arrested on a federal bank robbery charge.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Printing calendars Dear Webby; Thanks for sharing your time with us. The pics today are beautiful. Wish I knew where they had been taken. I was wondering if you know of a site that I can print off a yearly calendar free. I usually have one next to the pc that is monthly about 3"x3" that I has a sticky top like post it paper but the restaurant it came from is closed now. I tried to make one w/ Microsoft office that is installed here but it comes out too small. I figure I would just cut the months apart & stick them up as I need them. The same goes with copy & paste from the online sites I've seen. Sharon --------------------- Dear Sharon Dear Sharon The pictures are from near Stockholm, Sweden The printing depends a lot on the printer you use. Cheap printers have narrow carriages and wide margins and can really mess up on small items. If I wanted to print 3" x 3" calendars or any size calendars, I would use ClickBook. You have seen me mention it in the Humor Letter many times over the last dozen years. With that you have over 170 different formats you can choose. Look in the Wallet Booklets area, and in the Flip Books. An alternative would be to use Avery Labels, or pretend to. Most word processors have templates for Avery Labels. For example Label # 8164 is 3 1/3" x 4", six per sheet. In Open Office Writer, hit File New Labels and at the bottom right select Avery and 8164 Shipping Labels Whatever you have in the text area in the top there, will show in all six labels, when you hit NEW PAGE. Just edit the other five months, and print. Open Office also has a whole bunch of different calendar and daily planner templates at http://templates.services.openoffice.org/en/taxonomy/term/197 Have FUN! DearWebby
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As a passenger ship passed a small island, a bearded man could be seen shouting and furiously waving his arms. "Who is that?" a passenger asked the captain. "I have no idea," the captain replied, "But every year when we pass he goes nuts."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Driving Nails Into Plaster Walls Without Cracking If you'll heat a nail hot enough so that you have to handle it with pliers, you'll find that it can be driven into a plaster wall with much less danger of cracking the plaster. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO The pro's do the opposite. We wet the nail by holding it in the mouth. That little bit of spit gives it just enough lubrication, so that on most types of plaster it will go in without causing any cracks. In hot, dry weather it helps to also moisten the spot, where you will drive the nail. Have FUN! DearWebby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you make?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because it is a lot safer to argue with you than with her."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."

» Ajanta Caves
After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, a very menacing voice was heard from the back, "My recruiter."





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AND function in Excel 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, December 10, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

A reader asked me if I could think of a project, that could 
get her mother motivated out of the funk, she has been in
since dad died. Mother doesn't like traveling, and can't do
crafts in her tiny apartment.

Well, the answer to that is easy! Mother can do a Legacy,
a web site, that chronicles her life. One does not have to 
be famous in order to write an autobiography, and usually
the not famous people had more interesting lives anyway.

She can start like a photo album, and fill in stories as she
thinks about them. And they don't have to be any more
truthful, than the ones in Bill Clinton's biography.

Doing it is as easy as writing an email, the cost is negligible, 
and coaching is included. So, why not? It definitely is
someting one can get excied about, and in the long run
more valuable to descendants than some hand knit socks.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!
Women always think they can change their man They never change. Men alway hope that their woman won't change They always change. --- Socrates
A young man volunteered to baby-sit one night so his girlfriend and her mom could go to some tupperware party . At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back. At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbour Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No". Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted: "I'm here Mom but he won't let me go home."
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A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink Less."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Thomas Nelon Jr., 29, of Vinton, Virginia Meth-maker's proudly displayed GED certificate told cops who ran drug lab A man who hung his GED certificate above his methamphetamine cooking rig, then fled police by taking to the woods with a tent and a bowl of macaroni and cheese, pleaded guilty today to charges that could send him to prison for years. John Thomas Nelon Jr., 29, of Vinton, pleaded guilty in federal court in Roanoke to charges that he manufactured meth and that he did so in the presence of a minor. U.S. District Judge Samuel Wilson ordered a pre-sentencing report. A sentencing date was not immediately available. Nelon made his meth in a garage, where he and his 15-year-old girlfriend also lived, Assistant U.S. Attorney Andrew Bassford said. When an anonymous tip led to a police search in May, officers found meth-making equipment and ingredients. Officers also found Nelon’s GED certificate hanging above the gear, leaving little doubt who they were looking for, Bassford said. Neighbors around the garage, located in the 100 block of Vinton’s West Madison Avenue, were evacuated as coverall-wearing officers cleared potentially hazardous chemicals from the site. Nelon, having heard about the search, went into hiding in the Bedford County woods, Bassford said. But he took scant provisions and when his girlfriend went to resupply him, officers were watching. Nelon tried to run, but "he did not outrun the police dog," Bassford said. Nelon chuckled at Bassford’s account and told the judge he did not dispute it.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Britta Re: Excel AND formula Dear Webby, My hubby printed out your letter and work and brought it home, because I do a lot of work with spreadsheets. I love the way you explain things, with the reason and logic, not just the how. Maybe you can explain how to use the AND function in formulas. It just does not make sense to me. Thanks Britta --------------------- Dear Britta The AND function does not stand alone, because it only returns a TRUE or FALSE, not a number. So you nest it inside an IF formula. IF [ (this is true AND that is true), then do ABC, else if not BOTH those tests are true, then do DEF ] And example would be: =IF(AND(B5 > 7, B5 < 10), P2,P3) It is a bit odd, that the AND is at the front, but that is because it has to be outside the bracket, that has the conditions. You can, of course, have more than just two conditions evaluated for true or not true. Only when ALL the conditions inside those re brackets are true, THEN the IF part uses the first choice, whatever is in P2. If any one of the conditons inside the red AND brackets is not true, then the IF uses the second choice, whatever is in P3. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Dough." (Plato was a famous philosopher in Greece about 2400 years ago)
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soak Cooking Raisins in Liquid Whenever a recipe calls for raisins, before adding them, I always soak them in a liquid that goes with the recipe. Praline liqueur or rum for bread pudding, apple or orange juice for cookies, breads, etc. This adds flavor, produces a moister dish and for a few pennies the raisins look so much more extravagant. By Frazzled Leslie from Metairie, LA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued trying to get the car started up again. Finally Lisa gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk your horn for you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A good wife sometimes forgives her husband when she's wrong.

» Paper Snow Flakes
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell 'convenience,' so I made it 'risk'."





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Another Christmas Toon 


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Projection graphs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 9, 2010
Thank you Bill ! 
Thank you Lawrence!

A friend forwarded me an article about how the WikiLeak supporters
had attacked Sarah Palin's site with a massive Denial Of Service
attack, to silence her and prevent her from speaking out against
WikiLeaks.

Huh ?
On one hand, the leaky kids demand free speech and freedom
of information, but woe unto anybody, who dares speak out
against them. They seem to be even more immature, 
than I had thought they were!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free." --- Nikos Kazantzakis If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty-trained."
The Ultimate Guide to Speedy Green Cleaning!
No other product like it. The secrets to saving time, money,
effort and to declutter your life! From cheap, effective home
made cleaning recipes, step-by-step speed cleaning instructions,
and how to declutter and stay decluttered. This book has it all.

If you need a low cost Christmas gift,
that will actually get USED, get Speedy Green Cleaning!

On vacation one year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranch owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Osewski, 20, in Bolingbrook, Ollinois Convicted burglar hits same house BOLINGBROOK, Ill., Dec. 7 (UPI) -- Police in Illinois said a man on probation for burglary returned to the same home and took many of the same items. Bolingbrook police Lt. Mike Rompa said "a laptop computer, camera, Wii and Xbox video game systems, a platinum and diamond engagement ring, other jewelry, stocks, bonds and $50 in change -- roughly $20,000 worth of property" was stolen during the Nov. 30 break-in. Investigators said similarities to a May 28, 2009, burglary at the same residence led them to interview Robert Osewski, 20, who was on probation for the crime. Osewski and alleged accomplice Anthony Gant, 21, were arrested and charged with residential burglary. Osewski was charged with an additional count of possession of stolen property. Police said some of the stolen items were recovered in a Lemont forest preserve.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ada Re: Excel graph trick Dear Webby, or should I call you Mr Excel? My boss saw a graph of something or other, that had the current points on the graph projected to the right, as if there was not going to be any changes from today to year end. He tried and cussed for hours, but just couldn't find a way to do that. I tried too, and couldn't either. We have the date in column A, then today's weight of one client in column B, and the change up or down from yesterday in column C. Column C is used on the graph, showing the daily changes. Then D and E are for the 2nd client, F and G for the 3rd, and so on. That much works OK, but he doesn't want the line for future dates to drop to zero as if the client had died, and is quite obsessed about that. Can you help me look good? Thanks Ada --------------------- Dear Ada There is no command or choice for that in Excel. You have to do it with a little formula. Let's assume today is day #341 In column B341 you have some weight number. In column C we want either the difference between today and yesterday, or else, if there is no weight number in column B, we will just repeat yesterday's number in Column C. In a formula, you wold say that like this: (in C341) =IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340) IF B 341 is NOT empty, then B341 - B340, else what is in yesterday's C: C340 Copy that from C341 all the way to year end or a few hundred lines down into column C. Highlight C341 down to the bottom, CTRLC to copy that, go to E341, CTRL V to paste, go to G341, CTRL V to paste, and so on. Now when you look at the graph, each person's jaggy line ends with a perfectly level laser beam from today to the right end of the graph, in the same color as their jagged history line. Just straight math and easy to understand graph. However, if you were a COGR (Consensus Of Grant Requestors) Scientist, then you would modify that formula to =IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340*1.035) to make the projected future lines curve ever steeper upward. A smart COGR scientist of course will expect some criticism and a need to quickly adjust. You probably don't have anything in cell A1, so write 1.015 into that cell, and modify the formula to =IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340*$A$1) and copy that into columns C, from day 2 to the last day of the sheet. Copy that column into columns E, G, I, etc. Whatever fudge number or COGR factor you put into A1, the spreadsheet will use that in place of $A$1 in the formula. Now, by simply changing the secret number in A1, you change how the future projection curves up or down. In your business a negative number like -1.01 might look better, for a slight downward trend. Yes, you too can be a COGR scientist! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A mouse returned from the laboratory to his cage and told a fellow mouse, "I've finally got Dr. Snooker trained." "You have?" asked the other. "Yes, explained the first mouse. "Every time I press down the bar, he gives me food. You should try it too!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cinnamon Sticks to Decorate Packages I wrap up cinnamon sticks with plaid ribbon and use it on gifts along with the bows as an "extra" gift. I also use the cinnamon sticks as Christmas ornaments. By ilovemydog from Pittsburgh, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A New Mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her. At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, she thought. Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove today, you dope."

» Balloon Animals
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Schwartz, the town grouch. So Schwartz went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special: "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Schwartz: "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Schwartz wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Schwartz to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Schwartz," says the doctor. So Schwartz goes home very mad. One month later, Schwartz goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Schwartz, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Schwartz fled the office..





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Move On! Nothing To See Here 


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Toon 


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Locked Titles in Excel 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thank you Helene ! 
Thank you Cheryl !
Thank you Cookie !

If you are in Great Britain, this might be a good Christms to
celebrate elsewhere. The earliest wintry blast for 17 years
put GB right back into the cold ripple, crippled the transport
network and already claimed at least 13 lives. 

Six or more inches of snow are predicted for next week,
and most definitely a White Christmas, with temperatures 
in the -20s inthe northern half and Scotland.

Hundreds of motorists are still battling to get hoime after
Scotland endured what it's transport minister, Stewart Stevenson
called the "worst snow and ice conditions since the 60's".

The government advised that, if you can't stay away, stay home.

A baby boom is expected late August 2011.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground. --- Thomas Overbury
Thanks to Manin for this one: A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?" Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?" Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A". Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?" Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands. "All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer "It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."
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My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her and asked. "Would you like to go out, girl?" Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of the evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lawrence Bidlack, 46, in Geneva, Ill Principal clocked at 103 mph in 45 mph zone GENEVA, Ill. (UPI) -- The principal of a suburban Chicago school could face up to a year in jail after allegedly driving his sports car 103 mph in a 45 mph zone, police said. Police said Lawrence Bidlack, 46, principal of Geneva Middle School North, was pulled over after he was clocked driving his Porsche nearly 60 mph over the speed limit in Campton Hills and is now facing a misdemeanor charge with a possible one-year sentence, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. The Sun-Times said Bidlack couldn't be reached for comment and Geneva School District 304 Superintendent Kent Mutchler said it will be up to the courts to decide the principal's fate. ------------- Not setting a good example!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trevor Re: Can you lock titles in Excel? Dear Webby, Can you lock title rows and side columns like in other spreadsheets? I am pretty sure you can by now, but I can't find anything in the Excel help about that. What do you know about it? Trevor --------------------- Dear Trevor In the early days of spreadsheets there was fierce competition with huge law suits. For example, Lotus123 sued Borland Quattro for using the same "Look And Feel", because Borland had been reasonable and kept the gas pedal on the right. Even though Borland had developed their own, much better and faster code, they initially kept the user interface similar to VisiCalc, which had been adopted by Lotus. To make a long and sordid story short, the courts told Borland to change the user interface and make it look different from Lotus. That became tradition, and when Excel came along, they didn't want use the term "Locked Titles" for fear of getting sued by Borland Quattro. So they called it "Freezing a pane" and are still extremely careful about never mentioning anything about locking a title row or title column. You CAN do it, though, even without using Quattro to install locked title rows and then saving it in Excel format. Just highlight the row BELOW the one, that you want locked, click on WINDOW and select FREEZE PANEL. To lock a column, highlight the column to the right of it, click on WINDOW and select FREEZE PANEL. It does the same as VIEW, Locked Titles. For those, who are new to spreadsheets, Borland sold Quattro to WordPerfect, to use in their Office Suite. Then later Corel bought Word Perfect, added their graphics and is now selling Corel Office, still including Quattro and Word Perfect. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Grandma, where did I come from?" I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and since I did not know how much about the "Birds and the Bees" they had told Sally, I was stalling until they returned home: "Well, honey, the stork brought you." "Where did Mom come from then?" "The stork brought her, too." "OK, then where did you come from?" "The stork brought me too, dear." "Okay, thanks, Grandma." I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Sally's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations there has been no sex in our family, which is probably the reason everybody is so grouchy."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Shampoo For the cleanest, softest, fluffiest hair imaginable for literally pennies, save your old shampoo bottle. When you buy more, pour half of it into the old bottle and fill each bottle the rest of the way with a half and half solution of vinegar and water. The lather will be the richest ever, and your hair will squeak. It lifts the oils off your scalp so your hair stays clean looking longer and it rinses clean.There is no need to use creme rinse or conditioner, either. I use plain old Suave shampoo, about a dollar a bottle, and it makes my hair look and feel better than any expensive shampoo I have ever tried. The vinegar smell does not linger - try it! By dollyslaffn from Darien, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The case concerned a will Kelly was a witness. "Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said the Irishman. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents. The description read, "Instructions for the Ass of God." At first I thought I was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight. Then I found out that the name of the destination was the "Assembly of God" church, and the parcel contained some kind of printer manual.

» Microscopic Pictures
Overheard while waiting in line at the bank: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.





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Thoughts... 

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.


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Drunken Sailor Responds 


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Line break in Excel formula output 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Subscriber Lillemor sent me a rather disturbing link:
http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=40395
Muslim Brotherhood Front Group Trains Airport Screeners

The Muslim Public Affairs Council (MPAC) has completed training 
for 2,200 Transportation Safety Officers at the Los Angeles 
International Airport, according to a press release found on the 
MPAC website. 

MPAC is the outfit, that ordered Obama to stop using the words
terrorists, jihad, etc., when referring to "incidents" like 9/11
Apparently they figure that, if you can't name the enemy,
you can't aim at him.

Just in case they outsource airport security to Al Quaeda next,
I think next time I can afford to travel to the US, I'll try riding
a freight train again. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can." --- Sydney Smith "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." --- Anne Frank
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers "Yes". Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? " Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob says to the pharmacist: "OK, we'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please."
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A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size". He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Grandma, are these for mom ? They are the same size as mom's bed!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. The sun, yesterday.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Enson M. Ibanez, 25, in Salem, MA Man picks arrest rather than return 'too heavy' stolen planter Police arrested an Attleboro man Friday night when detectives spotted him and another man in the middle of Derby Street struggling to carry a large planter from a Derby Street business. Enson M. Ibanez, 25, is charged with disorderly conduct, malicious destruction, and larceny, but police offered the man a reprieve: Put the planter back where you found it and we won't arrest you. "No, it's too heavy," Ibanez told police, according to the report. Ibanez then put both his hands in front of him insinuating he wanted the police to put handcuffs on him and arrest him, the report said. Detectives Eric Connolly and Dennis Gaudet were in an unmarked cruiser at 11:30 p.m. Friday when they saw Ibanez, another man and a woman in front of Rouge Cosmetics at 322 Derby St. The two men picked up the large planter containing a bush and a set of white lights. "The two males and the female then walked in the direction of Lafayette Street with the two males having extreme difficulty carrying the heavy pot," police wrote in their report. The two men dropped the planter, leaving it in the middle of the road. When detectives got out of their cruiser, the other man ran away. The woman, who was not named by police, will be summonsed to court.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Line End in Excel Dear Webby, I know you answered this question before, at least once, but I can't find it. How do I make a line end, carriage return, new line, whatever you call it, in an Excel text, that is generated by a formula? Hitting ENTER just makes the cursor go onto the next cell. Thanks Mark --------------------- Dear Mark Hit ALT and ENTER For example: =CONCATENATE("Dear ",K2,"! ALT + ENTER Your "&TEXT(P42, "mmmm dd, yyyy"), order is ready.) ALT + ENTER Have FUN! DearWebby
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One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Early Morning for Mark Downs One good way to save money at the grocery store without clipping coupons is to shop early in the morning. By getting to the store at 8 a.m. or so, you are able to take advantage of the mark downs. They do go fast. By Carla from Huntington, WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him and stopping. The guy without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door just to realize there's nobody behind the wheel. The car starts slowly, the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way, scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are before a curve. The guy gathering strength jumps out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock he goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked into the same cantina and one says to the other, "Look Pepe, that's the bozo that got in the car when we were pushing it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again."

» Painted Desert
An architect, an artist and a engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."





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Friendly Holiday Advice 

Please, take care of yourself this Christmas.

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by idiots who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and crap like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.



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Precise mail filtering 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, December 6, 2010

When I was a kid, living in the mountains of Austria, this was the
day when St Nicolas came by, accompanied by a scary devil.

It struck me as a bit incongruous that they showed up in a beat
up old Volkswagen Beetle, but the roar of the big huge devil
quickly had me quaking in my socks, and when one smite of
St Nicolas's bishop's staff made the devil cringe and whimper,
I was duly impressed!

However, when St Nicholas started reading the long list of 
my sins, the devil cheered up and eagerly rattled his chains.
He did hit and cuff me around a bit, but kindly St Nicholas
stopped him, before things got out of hand.

After a solemn promise to improve my behavior, they made me
stand outside the front door, while they did their number on 
my sister.

She was still sniffling when dad called me inside again.
This time St Nicolas was really beaming and he mentioned
a few token good things I had done. Then he pulled a nicely
decorated pillow case from under his robe and started
dispensing glazed gingerbread, cookies, pear-bread, a chocolate
and an orange. For a mountain kid in post-war Austria, that
was eye popping STUFF!

I barely noticed when Dad escorted them out and handed them
the bottle of the medicinal Schnaps from the pantry. St Nicolas
and the devil took a good swig from the bottle and an envelope
dad gave them, and roared away in their old Volkswage Beetle.

At the time it all made sense, and was truly impressive.

As the fear of the devil waned, it was replaced with the threat
of being sent to Jagdberg, a juvenile jail / reform school, in
a scary looking old castle with skyhigh walls.

Then in University, a professor asked for a volunteer to be
Santa at Jagdberg, staring straight at me. 
Duh, yeah, OK, if nobody else ....

They couldn't find a devil, so I had to go alone. 
They gave me the suit and wig and beard, and the directions.
That was the year when Santa showed up on a motorcycle.

The staff there noticed my nervousness, so they gave me some
medicinal Schnaps first, and a few basic instructions.
After the first class they gave me more Schnaps and a few
hints with the stack of papers, one per inmate for the next class.
Then I got into the swing of things, roared like the devil of my
childhood when reading a student's misbehaviors, and smiled
like a proud grandpa, when praising them for their 
accomplishments.

Around midnight I had finished with all the inmates, and kinda 
faked it with the staff. (I didn't have any good/bad lists for the
staff and had to make them up.)

Then they gave me a sandwich and a big mug of coffee for my
parched throat and ushered me out.
Still in the Santa Suit I hopped on my bike and roared homewards,
well, to my girlfriend's place anyway, and just as the sky turned
light in the East, I did make it home. I briefly paused at the entrance,
where I had seen my first Santa. Life had come full circle.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. --- John Kenneth Galbraith Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
Thanks to Moe for this story: The Texas Department of Labor claimed a small Tom Green County farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to Investigate him. Department of Labor Employee: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." Farmer: "Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board." "Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally." Department of Labor Employee: "That's the guy I want to talk to...the Mentally challenged one." Farmer: "That would be me."
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Thanks to Martin for this story: Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion. "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try." "That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help." "He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight." "Where did it go?" asks Arthur. "Can't remember."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Bactia Grape Wax
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Catherine Renee Watson, 36, and Daniel McGuire, 40. 83 jugs of moonshine in the trunk The sweet and innocent and hard done by dame, Catherine Watson, is a former law enforcement officer, and does know better, So does Daniel McGuire. Lake Wales, Florida - Polk deputies say they have arrested a Tennessee man who was transporting 83 jars of moonshine to a Sebring bar. Daniel McGuire, 40, was spotted by a Lake Wales police officer with several containters of moonshine in the trunk of his car on December 1. After asking the Polk Co. Sheriff's Office for assistance, deputies made a traffic stop on McGuire's car the next day. They found 83 quart-size jars of moonshine that McGuire claims he was delivering to a restaurant manager in Sebring. McGuire was arrested and charged with Possession of Moonshine, Transportation of Moonshine, Moving or Concealing Alcoholic Beverages with Intent to Defraud State, and Conspiracy to Violate the Beverage Law. The restaurant manager was also arrested. Catherine Renee Watson, 36, was charged with Conspiracy to Violate the Beverage Law. Deputies say Watson is the manager of the "Cowboys" bar in Sebring and also a former law enforcement officer in Glades, Hendry, and Hardee counties.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ryana Re: Mail with no sender showing Dear Webby, Can MailWasher filter out email, where the sender address is hidden? None of the tools I tried, can do that. Second question: Does MailWsher assign points for bad stuff and when a mail exceeds a certain number of points, it kills it? Ryana --------------------- Dear Ryana Yes, sure. Click together a filter like this: If the From field does not contain"@" or not "." then hide the message from the messages list , and and automatically (without warning or notification) delete the message. I have no idea if spammers still use that trick, because I have used that filter almost 10 years, and have not seen a mail with a hidden sender field since. Re second question: No. Either you are pregnant, or not. The same with the mail. Either it is spam, or not. There is a hierarchy, though. If you set a filter to take precedence over the friends list, it will kill mail even if and address, that is in your friends list, is forged in as the sender. However, if you don't give the priority to that filter, then your friends can discuss or joke about stuff, that normally triggers that filter. You have even more control yet, by moving filters up or down the list. Once a mail has been OK'd or killed, it won't be checked by any further filters. There is no mushy "almost pregnant" sillyness. MailWasher makes just very precise yes or no decisions. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son if he got a part in the play. With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said, "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son," the dad said. "Keep up the good work and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Color Coordinated Totes for Storing Holiday Items I like using different colored totes for storing different holiday items. I use colors resembling the holiday, such as orange or black for Halloween and red and green for Christmas. It makes looking for them in storage a lot easier. I can find them in just a glance. By Jazalay from Frisco, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
For their 20th anniversary Nina and her husband vacationed in Hawaii, where they went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for Nina and one handsome young man. As she continued her underwater exploring, she noticed that everywhere she swam to, he swam. Nina snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. Nina felt very flattered and, as she took off her fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "It's my job to stay in the water till the last tourist is back on the boat."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer. "Well, a woman," the humble witness replied. The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness said meekly, "Um, I don't know about yours, but MY mother did."

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