The War On Terrorism Taken To Extremes 

Or The Progressives Are At It Again

A new law scheduled to take effect on January 1 2012 makes it illegal to tell blonde jokes.
The reason? Well blondes might feel marginalized by the jokes and resort to terrorism...
News Story Here


Penalties for serious breaches of the law include up to two years in prison.

Here is my contribution

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Did you hear about the blonde who studied for her blood test and still failed it?

And did you hear about the blonde who tripped over her cordless phone?

Why aren't blondes hired for elevator jobs?

Because they can't remember the route.

Did you hear about the blonde who almost killed her toy poodle?

She tried to insert batteries.

I am awaiting extradition for my "crimes". Think I'll get life?



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OE attachments need IE8 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, December 31

Three cheers for China for their decision to go ahead with the
Xiaonanhai dam! Luckily they have a successful way of dealing
with nay-sayers, phonies and liars.

The liars tried to con the sheeple into believing, the dam COULD
endanger certain rare fish. That of course, is total BS. 
When an area as large as that is involved, fish move whenever
it suits them, or when it doesn't suit them.

What is of prime and only importance is that a LOT of the 
energy production will be shifted from coal to clean
river electricity. And for THAT they got my cheers and well 
wishes!

Those hysterical nay-sayers in China reminds me of a true
occurrence here in West Austria, where I am currently 
visiting. About 40 or so years ago, they wanted to build a
much needed freeway connector road trough a marshy bog
to the Rhine and across it to Switzerland. The Nay-Sayers
protested against it, claiming that a certain rare bird was
nesting in that bog. They got enough sheeple riled up, that
the bog was declared a bird sanctuary and the needed 
connector road forbidden.

In all the years since then, nobody has ever photographed
or recorded that mystical bird, and even though it is common
knowledge, that the claims were a hoax, the badly necessary 
road has not been built. 

It is the same with that dam in China. The Yangtse is such a 
huge river, that a dam won't bother any supposedly rare fish.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --- Oscar Wilde A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life. --- Robertson Davies When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for. --- Jasper Carrott ------------- Don't worry. Anybody who listens to FM in the morning already knows.
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and stick curlers into it. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel over her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?"
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy a GuiltFREE! New Year and ease off any excess weight!
Thanks to Andrea for this one: As I was opening my coffee creamer this morning, I had an idiot idea. When the liquid coffee creamer is new, you need to tear off the seal. So, on the seal, it says... Remove Seal, Shake Well. So, I did.. Boy..did I have a major mess to clean up!! :) ------- Are you the one, whose kids unscrewed the ketchup bottle top at the restaurant, and made sure you were busy yelling at them and not watching the bottle, when you shook it ?
During their ten year anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
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Dianne sent me a link to this bonehead candidate, but somehow I have a hunch, the report might be a hoax. Obese woman sues mcDonalds after they refuse to serve her You can decide on your own, whether the story is true or not. If you have more information about it, please let me know. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Isiah Johnson,20, in Sanduski, Ohio Facebook pictures lead to stolen ring BURLINGTON, Vt., Dec. 29 (UPI) -- Police in Vermont said a man was arrested for stealing an engagement ring after his fiancee posted pictures of the item on Facebook. Burlington police said three people contacted police Tuesday to report seeing a ring matching the description of the one taken Monday from Zales Jewelry on Church Street in photographs on Amber Lafountain's Facebook page, the Burlington Free Press reported Thursday. Lafountain said the ring was given to her by fiance Ryan Jarvis, 25, who admitted to police he ran off with the $3,199 ring Monday after determining he would not be able to afford it. "He reported that he considered financing options, but concluded that he would be unable to afford the ring he wanted," Officer Jesse Stewart wrote in a sworn affidavit. "He reported that he then ran out of the store with the ring. He advised he knew it was a stupid thing to do." Even though he admitted, that it was a stupid thing to do, Jarvis pleaded not guilty Wednesday to one felony count of retail theft.
Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: IE8 versus IE9 Dear Webby If somebody is stuck with Outlook Express, they need IE8 to open attachments. They can use modern browsers for everything else. Dianne Dear Dianne I don't use OE, but that is typical with most Microsoft programs, but not all of them. Somehow they don't seem to want to be consistent or predictable or up to standard. Maybe IE10 will open OE attachments again, instead of forcing you to switch email programs ? Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing is wrong with them!!!" At this point the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back???"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Fitted Bassinet Sheet to Keep Car Seat Cool Here's an a-ha use for a white fitted bassinet sheet your child has outgrown: cover her dark car seat with it, while the car is parked, to keep it cool! A bassinet sheet fits nicely over a bigger kid's seat. I've googled for this and didn't find anything, which surprises me. By Gapotter from Raleigh, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Garden of Eden was in Scotland. Proof ? Adam was a Scotsman. God looked down and noticed that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decided to create a companion for man as well. He went to see Adam and said to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replied, "What could I get for a rib?"
A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques. They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you were catapulted from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class.
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IE8 versus IE9 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, December 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Re the economics of re-using water for electricity generation,
that a lot of you asked.

A large part of the European grid is supplied by the huge 
nuclear power plants in France and Germany. Whie that
electricity is extremely cheap, it is also about as impossible
to increase as a river power plant. They can not crank them
up for the toaster rush in the morning, the lunch or the 
supper rush. That is when the demand for power is the
greatest, and when the grid administration pays the most 
for demand electricity. That is when the mountain powerplants
drain high altitude lakes though 3000 foot or more drop
pipelines. Imagine a lake way up there above the tree line
draining faster than your bathtub, screaming through turbines
in the valley. That produces incredible amounts of high priced
prime time electricity. 

At night, when the big nuclear power plants can not be cranked
down, night electricity is cheap and NEEDS to be used, to 
keep the grid stable. That is when the mountain powerplants
pump the water back up and refill the high altitude lakes.



Here is a 1927 picture of some of those high pressure turbines.
See the guy standing beside one of them?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I wonder what it means when your grandson is more crotchety than you are. --- Aaron McGruder "The government issued a safety recall today on 800,000 Bowflex exercise machines. The good news: No one was hurt, because no one ever actually used a Bowflex." --- Jay Leno There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James
An English bachelor kept a cat for companionship, and loved his cat more than life. He was planning a trip to Canada and entrusted the cat to his brother's care. As soon as he arrived in England he called his brother. "How is my cat?" he asked. "Your cat is dead," came the reply. "Oh my," he exclaimed. "Did you have to tell me that way?" "How else can I tell you your cat's dead?" inquired the brother. "You should have led me up to it gradually," said the first. "For an example, when I called tonight you could have told me my dear cat was on the roof, but the Fire Department is getting it down. When I called tomorrow night, you could have told me that they dropped him and broke his back, but a fine surgeon is doing all he can for him. Then, when I called the third night, you could have told me the surgeon did all he could but my cat passed away. That way it wouldn't have been such a shock. "By the way," he continued, "how's Mother?" "Mother?" came the reply. "Oh, she's up on the roof, but the Fire Department will be getting her down."
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy a GuiltFREE! New Year and ease off any excess weight!
Thanks to Nina for this story: My husband had reluctantly agreed to come shopping with me. But when he found himself stuck in a lingerie shop while I tried on one garment after another, he regretted his decision. Impatient and bored he asked a salesclerk, "Is there anything in the store for men?" "Sir," she said, "everything in this store is for men."
Thanks to Rosa for this story: I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home. Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years. The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed with you?" "Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Isiah Johnson,20, in Sanduski, Ohio Karaoke "singer" punches booers A karaoke singer whose performance was met by a cascade of boos at an Ohio bar allegedly punched three people in the face after he was asked to leave the watering hole Tuesday night, police report. Isiah Johnson, 20, was singing karaoke at Cabana Jack’s “when people started booing at him,” a bartender told cops. In response to the razzing, Johnson “threw down the microphone,” according to a Sandusky Police Department report. At that point, Johnson, pictured in the above mug shot, was escorted from the bar. After returning, he was again asked to leave. That’s when Johnson allegedly began punching guys in the face (three men were hit, cops noted). Johnson was eventually pinned to the ground by two other men until police arrived. He was “noticed to be under the influence of intoxicants,” reported cops who charged Johnson with three counts of assault, obstruction, resisting arrest, persistent disorderly conduct, intoxication, and underage consumption.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rosa Margarita Re: IE8 versus IE9 Dear Webby I use Windows XP and recently I have visited sites suggesting I update my browser to IE 8, since 9 is not supported by XP. Should I update? The download I located says it includes bing search and MSN. I already have MSN as my home page. Would not including bing and MSN cause any problems? I am not very computer literate so any comments and suggestions will be aprreciated. thanks... Have a great new year. Rosa Margarita Dear Rosa Margarita Just use FireFox. It is generations ahead and does not care, whether you use XP or W7. FireFox does not play stupid games to try to con you to switch to W7. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Ann for this: I was in Taco Bell for dinner, had gotten a drink and wanted a refill. I asked the counter guy for a refill and handed him my cup. He said: "Take off your top!" I said: "Excuse me? I will not! It is not proper etiquette to ask a woman to 'take off her top!' That's a rude request coming from a strange man!" The guy blushed and said: "Errrrr, sorry! I meant take off the top of your soda cup." ------ I know Ann, and that is a typical occurrence for her. Because of her perpetual high collars, some of us call her Sr Anna.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Magazine Pictures For Crafts I love to make my own cards and gift bags and I love magazines (I get a ton). When I want to make card for a certain holiday, lets say Halloween, I just pull out my latest magazine, they always arrive a month ahead of time, and look for cute pictures of pumpkins, black cats and other Halloween related pictures. If I can't find what I want, I pull out an older issue of the same month. By Jennifer from Conyers, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Jacob for this one: My mother once gave me two sweaters for my birthday. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said, "Mom, these are MY feet!"
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello." "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: ME
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Revert to older versions of FireFox 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 29

Tom corrected me re the number of reindeer.

"Your story about the 11 reindeer was one short. There are twelve. 
They are the eleven you mentioned plus Andy 
("Andy shouted out with glee..")
Tom
"

Today dad took me up to the Golm. I used to ski there, when I was
a teen, and in summer climb the the towers you see in the back.
They are actually quite huge, just look small in the zoom.



The cable car going up to where I took that picture, not the 
6 seater chair lift you see in the picture, was quite 
interesting too. It is in two parts. The first cable is 
from the bottom to the middle station, and loops back down.
The cable cars, however, jump off the fast cable and inch
through the station, allowing people to exit or get on, 
and they can also inject more cars there or take some out,
depending on demand. Then the cars drop onto a fast cable
again and zip up another 1500 feet higher.

The reason for the middle station, and the restaurants there,
is because in spring the snow does not reach all the way into
the valley.

And guess what the original cause for all the fancy cable
stuff is?

When I was a kid, they just had a cable pulled inclined
freight elevator for building power plant stuff,
but they also hauled skiers, of course.



Here you see the 8 foot high pressure pipeline. In those days
it was bolted together instead of welded, but it still holds 
up fine, with occasional painting.

The water comes from a high altitude lake, runs through a 
bunch of turbines to produce peak time electricity for the 
European grid, spills into a small artificial lake, and from
there again runs through a similar pipeline the rest of the 
way down into the valley. When it was built, the pipe steel 
at the time could only handle a 4000 foot drop, so they had
to split it and put a lake in between.

That also adds more versatility, especially since they buy
cheap night-time electricity, and pump the water back up
to the top. Same old water, fresh electricity every day 
during peak time..

If you bitch about ski lifts and stuff messing up the landscape,
you would probably get run over by a few hundred skiers, 
snow boarders, sleigh riders and hikers. 

The food at the bottom, midway, top and ultimate top is 
excellent, but getting a seat inside or out can be a bit tricky
at times, since they only seat about 300 people at a time.
However, to cope with that many people all day long,
they are usually self-serve buffets, and you load up what 
you want. Not having to wait for a server speeds things up
tremendously.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. --- David T. Wolf
Jill came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," Jille replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," replied Jill, "there was no one there."
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!
Don't worry about messing up on those great chocolate recipes and gaining a pound. You won't because of THOSE! They are fool-proof. However, since you are likely to gain a few pounds between now and the time you make your new Year's resolutions, just because of the unhealthy stuff other people foist upon you, I will bring back the Guilt-Free Cooking link on New Year's Day, and keep it up there for a week. These books make great last minute or LATE Christmas presents! In case you REALLY cram on the pounds, or meet somebody, whom you want to impress, I still got access to the Fat Burning Furnace method, and will bring that link back on Jan 1 as well. So, enjoy the holidays and don't worry! It's quite OK to gain a few pounds for a couple more days before the big weigh-in on New Year's Eve. That will give you that much more weight, that you can easily shed in the New Year with those books.
A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, as the girl thanked her and went back to her search. A short time later she came to the desk, looking quite distraught. "I just can't find it." she said. "What book are you looking for, dear?" the librarian asked. Replied the little girl, "Tequila Mockingbird."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Andrew Hickey, 39, of Peekskill, NY Stole Greyhound bus for joyride WATERTOWN, N.Y. - Authorities say a 39-year-old man stole a Greyhound bus in Syracuse and decided to a make a Christmas Day visit to a friend in northern New York before he was caught. Authorities say Andrew Hickey of Peekskill, Westchester County, boarded the bus Sunday morning because he was cold and the vehicle was running and warm while being fueled at the Syracuse transportation center. Officials say Hickey drove off and headed north to a friend's home in Watertown, 60 miles away. Police say he has a commercial driver's license and knows how to drive a bus. Greyhound disabled the runaway bus electronically two hours later in Watertown. The company notified Jefferson County sheriff's deputies, who made the arrest. Hickey has been charged with stealing the bus. He's in the county jail, and when theyget their camera back, there might be a mugshot.
Tech Support Pits: From: Molly Re: Problem with current version of FireFox Dear Webby hello :0)) I am using XP and I'm having a problem with Firefox. I would get messages to update to the newest version 9, but I heard people have had problems with it. I kept refusing the update till one day when I went to use firefox it updated by itself to the newest version. Now I have problems with it crashing. I deleted it from my programmes. I uploaded it again and it still crashes. I've done a virus check. I know you use XP and Firefox as well any suggestions? Thank you very much for your time.. Molly Dear Molly I have no problem with the current version, but you CAN un-install it, download a previous version, and install that. The old vertsons are at http://www.oldapps.com/firefox.php Have FUN! DearWebby
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William's wife started noticing how forgetful he was becoming. Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor. William was a little worried when the doctor came in. Sensing his patient's nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was to ask what was troubling him. "Well," William answered. "I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Magazine Pictures For Crafts I love to make my own cards and gift bags and I love magazines (I get a ton). When I want to make card for a certain holiday, lets say Halloween, I just pull out my latest magazine, they always arrive a month ahead of time, and look for cute pictures of pumpkins, black cats and other Halloween related pictures. If I can't find what I want, I pull out an older issue of the same month. By Jennifer from Conyers, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teen-ager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teen-ager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." One of his friends ask, "Whoa! But...how???" The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was *me* coming home drunk!!"
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws."
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Lawyer Jokes 

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called Sosumi.

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three.
The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.
Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to SCREW a light bulb...

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.

What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.

What does a lawyer do after sex?
Pays the bill.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
Taller.




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Cannabis Tree 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 28

Today my dad took me up to the Sonnenkopf.

This picture is from inside one of the 100 cablecars on that
system. They run non-stop, like a chairlift, but at the top
and bottom, they get lifted off the fast cable and trundle 
around on a very slow turntable, allowing people to
step out of them or into them.

Then the doors close and the 8 seater cable car drops back 
onto the 30 mile per hour cable. It is quite a neat system, 
and it sure moves a lot of people in a hurry!.

That picture looks almost straight downinto the valley.
Across the valley you see the cut line of the Souller See
pipeline, that brings high pressure water from a high altitude
lake way up behind that mountain down to a power plant
at the bottom of the valley. It was built in the early 1920's
and powers the electrical trains in that province.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers
Two young guys were at a party in the woods when all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. The two ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old Indian man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, Eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old Indian guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) The old Indian man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old Indian softly replied, "You have any tobacco?" The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!" "Give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver yelled. So the passenger fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette, rolling up the window in terror and yells, "Step on it!!!" Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again. The passenger says, "What did you think of that?" The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I'm going pretty fast!" All of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and the old Indian man is looking in the window. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! There he is again!", the passenger yells. "Well see what he wants now! " yells back the driver. The passenger rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old Indian quietly asks. The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him, rolls up the window and again yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard. Suddenly, again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear. The old man gently replies, "Do you want some help getting out of the mud?"
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!
Don't worry about messing up on those great chocolate recipes and gaining a pound. You won't because of THOSE! They are fool-proof. However, since you are likely to gain a few pounds between now and the time you make your new Year's resolutions, just because of the unhealthy stuff other people foist upon you, I will bring back the Guilt-Free Cooking link on New Year's Day, and keep it up there for a week. These books make great last minute or LATE Christmas presents! In case you REALLY cram on the pounds, or meet somebody, whom you want to impress, I still got access to the Fat Burning Furnace method, and will bring that link back on Jan 1 as well. So, enjoy the holidays and don't worry! It's quite OK to gain a few pounds for a couple more days before the big weigh-in on New Year's Eve. That will give you that much more weight, that you can easily shed in the New Year with those books.
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her! As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again. Don'tcha just LOVE shopping for SHOES ---------------- That reminds me, Brenda at TriangleB is selling her fancy cowboy boots. Usually she just sells Tennessee Walking Horses, but she needs larger boots and is selling her old ones. Here is your chance to pick up some top quality cowboy boots from a real horse breeder for a song!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ian Richards, 46 in Canterbury, England Cannabis Christmas Tree Ian Richards, 46, from Canterbury, Britain grew a large cannabis plant to look like a Christmas tree, according to local press. He made the cannabis plant resemble a festive tree by growing it to 5ft tall, trimming it symmetrically and decorating it with balls. But he will spend the festive season not behind this tree, but behind bars. Police found cannabis plants a in his home, near Canterbury, Kent. Ian Richards has been arrested on suspicion of possessing class A drugs with intent to supply and remains in police custody. Investigating officer Pc Darren Dennett, of Kent Police, said: “By using a 5ft tall cannabis plant as a Christmas tree, Richards showed a total disregard for the law.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Moving file cabinets Dear Webby, Your advice about moving a file cabinet was good but I believe you should have mentioned to put the nap or pile side down. Bath mats are usually rubber backed and throw rugs have some sort of jute backing which will scratch wood flooring. Not everyone is bright enough to think of that. An even better solution would be to purchase a pack of furniture moving discs or sliders. There a some that look like small circular rugs which slip under sofa legs, for example, and make moving furniture around on hardwood and/or laminate floors a breeze. tom :---) Dear Tom Good points! Thanks! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Silverware Tray to Organize Makeup Drawer I used to hate my makeup drawer! Now I use the silverware trays from the dollar store to organize my cosmetics! Its works great and when it gets dirty I can just toss it in the dishwasher! I even stack one on top of the other. I put less used makeups in the bottom one! By ivorylov from Ocala, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Fran for sending this one: When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Nice re-write of a classic: A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "Hasn't affected my sisters though."
Santa has 11 reindeer. Name them! Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen Rudoph (the one with the red nose) Olive (Olive the other reindeer) and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him) Christmas: That time of the year when mother has to separate the men from the toys.
» Mysterious sculptures





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Moving file cabinets 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 27

Somehow, seeing the news in a foreign language, 
yes German now seems foreign to me, makes  them seem
unreal, like entertainment, an inclusion in a movie, that the
movie heroes are watching. 

That is no problem, I usually take the news with a bit of salt
anyway, to subtract the slant, that the reporters put on them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking. --- Clement Atlee What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves. --- Paul Valery I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. --- Jack Handey He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. -- Chinese Proverb
When my granddaughter, Marissa, was 4 yrs. old, we were waiting in the car at the school to pick up her brother, Michael, and her cousin, Mark. Marissa was sitting in the back seat of the car, eating gummy bears candies and said to me, "Mimi, guess what color I am eating now!" Of course, since I was looking in the rear view mirror, told her each and every color she was eating. Marissa was so surprised, she asked, "How do you know what color the candy is?" I told her that I was a psychic. Two days later, while in the middle of driving, she again asked me what color candy she was eating. This time I couldn't keep on looking in the mirror, so I just guessed any color. Marissa then said, "Oh, Mimi, I guess you're not a psycho anymore."
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!
Don't worry about messing up on those great chocolate recipes and gaining a pound. You won't because of THOSE! They are fool-proof. However, since you are likely to gain a few pounds between now and the time you make your new Year's resolutions, just because of the unhealthy stuff other people foist upon you, I will bring back the Guilt-Free Cooking link on New Year's Day, and keep it up there for a week. These books make great last minute or LATE Christmas presents! In case you REALLY cram on the pounds, or meet somebody, whom you want to impress, I still got access to the Fat Burning Furnace method, and will bring that link back on Jan 1 as well. So, enjoy the holidays and don't worry! It's quite OK to gain a fe pounds for a couple more days before the big weigh-in on New Year's Eve. That will give you that much more weight, that you can easily shed in the New Year with those books.
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick and knee the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jacquetta Simmons, 26 in Batavia, NY Woman accused of punching Walmart greeter BATAVIA, N.Y. A woman spent her Christmas in jail, after she punched a Walmart greeter as she left the store on Christmas Eve. Jacquetta Simmons, 26, was charged with two counts of second- degree assault, State Police Trooper Tracy Patterson said. She faces a second count because the victim, Grace Suozzi, 70, is older than 65. Patterson said Simmons is accused of punching and knocking down Suozzi at 11:23 a.m. after the employee asked Simmons to see receipts for items the customer was carrying in store bags. After hitting Suozzi, Simmons ran out of the store, but employees and customers quickly surrounded her until police arrived. Suozzi suffered fractures to the left side of her face and significant swelling, Patterson said. Simmons on Sunday was being held in Genesee County Jail in lieu of $20,000 bail. Patterson said Simmons did have receipts for everything in her bags and must have forgotten, that she did not have to run.
Tech Support Pits: From: Anna Re: Moving file cabinets Dear Webby, I need to move a couple of file cabinets temporarily to make room for the New Year's Eve festivities. What's the best way of doing that without scratching up the hardwood floor? Thanks Anna Dear Anna Get a welcome mat or a small piece of rug about the same size as a door mat. Bathroom ruglets work fine. Tilt the file cabinet sideways and kick the ruglet underneath it. Use a large wooden spoon to move the cabinets apart and away from the wall. Use some rope or strong string and make a lassoo or noose and slide it over the file cabinet and down to just a finger's width above the floor. With that you can now easily and safely tow the file cabinet around. When you get it near the intended location, avoid back injuries by sitting on the floor and pushing the cabinet the last foot or so with your feet. If the cabinet has to go to an area where you have carpet, use a plastic sheet like the "Magic Carpets" that the kids use for sliding down snowy hills. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an antique car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "it says in the BIBLE, that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury?" Then he added proudly, "And THAT is THE real and original Plymouth Fury! Uncle Bubba has it on blocks in front of his trailer!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Excess Cranberries Cranberries are cheapest now, and unavailable at many times of the year. Buy extra and just stick them in the freezer as is. Frozen berries can be used in all recipes calling for fresh. By Linda from Vista, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A doctor sees an old man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. The next time the old man had an appointment, the doc says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful!" "Too late!", the old man cackled, "I'm doing just fine with MY interpretation. YOU can try yours!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A lady was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable car and called for a ride every time it broke down. One day the lady got yet another one of those calls from her sister and said in disgust, "What happened this time?" "My brakes went out," her sister said. "Can you come to get me?" "Where are you?" the lady asked. Her sister said, "I'm in the drugstore." The lady asked, "And where's the car?" "It's in here with me."
Susan's 5 year old daughter Kim somehow had sensed that the new pastor seemed to be very fond of Susan and tried to do some inquisitive prying. She asked her mother why she didn't have a boyfriend. Susan was just recovering from some minor surgery and spent most of the day in bed. She told Kim the TV was her boyfriend, he entertained her all the time. The TV set was old and would just shut itself off for no reason. Susan usually just gave it a few hard wacks on the side and it would come back on, it was no big deal to her. Then the pastor stopped by to check on her recovery and Kim answered the door. At that time Susan was again trying to get the TV to come back on. The pastor, on hearing the noise, asked Kim if Susan was busy. Kim replied, "No, sir, she is just in the bedroom banging her boyfriend".
» Diet be damned





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From Facebook to Jail 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 26
Happy St Walmarts Day!
Actually, that apparently is changing. Walmart is no longer 
reducing prices for a giant Boxing Day sale. Nobody has
any money left anyway. 

Personally, I have never stood in line, waiting out in the 
cold, to get in early on Boxing day, or gone into a Walmart
on Boxing Day. Seeing the full parking lot from the distance
was enough to turn me away. 

Traditions are changing. I wonder if any other stores will
pick up the slack, or if the mad Boxing Day Sales will just
fade into memory like the smell of real candles on real trees.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. --- Franklin P. Adams After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. --- Fred Thompson
A few years ago I met Fran and Jane at one of the benches for smokers outside Dallas/Fort Worth airport. They were quite obviously nervous about their flight and had bought some flight insurance at the terminal. They told me that they couldn't make up their minds about who to name as beneficiaries, so they had ended up each naming the other. I was quite amused when I saw them both get up at the same time to board the same plane.
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!
Don't worry about messing up on those great chocolate recipes and gaining a pound. You won't because of THOSE! They are fool-proof. However, since you are likely to gain a few pounds between now and the time you make your new Year's resolutions, just because of the unhealthy stuff other people foist upon you, I will bring back the Guilt-Free Cooking link on New Year's Day, and keep it up there for a week. These books make great last minute or LATE Christmas presents! In case you REALLY cram on the pounds, or meet somebody, whom you want to impress, I still got access to the Fat Burning Furnace method, and will bring that link back on Jan 1 as well. So, enjoy the holidays and don't worry!
Count the "F"s in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. The answer is near the end.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Isaiah Cutler, 18, and friends Teens post pictures of loot on Facebook PITTSBURGH -- Police say four young friends posed for the camera, holding fistfuls of cash, candy and cigarettes they allegedly stole from a Pittsburgh market. Then they posted the photos on Facebook. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports Thursday that police have charged two 14-year-olds and a 17-year-old in the theft and are looking for 18-year-old Isaiah Cutler, the owner of the Facebook page. The teens allegedly stole more than $9,000 from a market on Dec. 12, and posted pictures of the haul on Facebook that same day. The paper reports that a grandmother of one teen grew concerned and contacted police, who solved the case with the help of the Facebook pictures.
Tech Support Pits: From: Darlene Re: Get rid of Caps Lock Dear Webby, Is there a way to permanently disable the Caps Lock key ? I never use it anyway and now, after breaking my pinky and having it taped to the ring finger for support, it's an even worse nuisance. And NO, id don't want some silly sound reminding me I hit the Caps Lock. I want it disabled. For good! Thanks Darlene Dear Darlene Just take a spoon and pry off the key cap for the Caps Lock, and throw it away. Or you can glue it onto your boss'es fax machine. Personally, I like epoxying them onto the big coin operated copy machine at Walmart. There IS a longwinded way to accomplish the same with some software tweaking, but that is nowhere near as much fun. Have FUN! DearWebby
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If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Different Ways to Hang Dry Your Clothing Baking Soda for Exfoliating Mask The other day I was using baking soda for any of the million jobs that it does around the house, and I noticed this: if you mix three parts baking soda and one part water (I used 1 tsp. of it with just enough water to make it into a paste), you can use it as an exfoliating mask! Just use it after you've washed your face, and then rinse. It also suggests using it once a week for "fuller, more manageable hair" by mixing one teaspoon to your shampoo once a week. Source: armhammer.com http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Donny, a policeman was patrolling a local parking spot that over looked a golf course. He drove by and saw a couple inside a car with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. Officer Donny had to stop to investigate. After all that was different !! He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. "Hey What are you doing and what is your name?" The man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "My name is Alex and this is my girlfriend in the back seat." "OK, so what are you doing?" Officer Donny asked. "I'm reading a magazine," answered Alex. Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, Officer Donny asked, "And what is she doing?" Alex looked over his shoulder and replied, "She's knitting, sir." "And how old are you?" Officer Donny then asked Alex. "I'm 20," Alex replied. "And how old is she?" asked the Officer Donny. Alex looked at his watch and said, "Well sir, in about 12 minutes she'll be 18."
How many "F"s ? If your answer is 3, then I know, who you voted for! 5 is close. Don't worry about occasional thinking. Contrary to popular opiion,it does not hurt. Don't forget to count the thre "OF"s. 6 is correct.
» Pooktre





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How to get rid of Caps Lock permanently 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 25

Merry Christmas,   !

Tonight we walked up to that church in yesterday's picture 
to the graveyard up there and lit candles on the grave of my mother
and brother and grandparents.


Most of the graves there had candles lit in bird house size 
glass enclosures. 

The street lights in the villages up on the side of the 
valley looked like the lights of towns on satellite pictures.
It felt strange, that I was considering those satellite
pictures, when I was thinking about how I was going to
describe that sight to you.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win." --- Elie Wiesel
A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother's advice about returning the gifts he'd given her. Without hesitating, her Mother replied, "Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry, for sentimental reasons."
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!
Don't worry about messing up on those great chocolate recipes and gaining a pound. You won't because of THOSE! They are fool-proof. However, since you are likely to gain a few pounds between now and the time you make your new Year's resolutions, just because of the unhealthy stuff other people foist upon you, I will bring back the Guilt-Free Cooking link on New Year's Day, and keep it up there for a week. These books make great last minute Christmas presents! In case you REALLY cram on the pounds, or meet somebody, whom you want to impress, I still got access to the Fat Burning Furnace method, and will bring that link back on Jan 1 as well. So, enjoy the holidays and don't worry!
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Frank Slowik, 44, Suspected shoplifter beaten after grabbing police officer’s groin Police commanders say that a Park Ridge police officer acted within reason when he beat the crap out of a suspect, who grabbed his groin and refused to let go. Officers were called to the store at 3:20 a.m. for a report of a shoplifter and encountered a man, later identified as Frank Slowik, 44, running from a store employee. Park Ridge Police Lt. Duane Mellema said that one of the police officers ran after Slowik, grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground. As the officers tried to restrain him, Slowik grabbed a second officer’s groin and refused to let go. The officer then struck him several times in the face with his hand in an effort to get him to release his grip. Slowik eventually let go, and was arrested and taken to Resurrection Medical Center in Chicago for treatment. A booking photo from the Cook County Jail shows bruises under both of his eyes and on the right side of his face. Park Ridge Police Cmdr. David Keller said the department investigates whenever an officer uses force against a suspect. Keller said he believes the force used during Slowik’s arrest was acceptable and necessary. “The force, under the circumstances, was reasonable in order to carry out the arrest,” he said. The officer was treated for severely bruised knuckles at Advocate Lutheran General Hospital in Park Ridge and later released. Investigators searching Slowik’s vehicle found about $1,000 worth of stolen seafood and meat, police said. Slowik has been charged with retail theft, aggravated battery to a police officer and resisting arrest. Mellema said Slowik has a history of arrests for retail theft. He is being held in the jail in lieu of $50,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Darlene Re: Get rid of Caps Lock Dear Webby, Is there a way to permanently disable the Caps Lock key ? I never use it anyway and now, after breaking my pinky and having it taped to the ring finger for support, it's an even worse nuisance. And NO, id don't want some silly sound reminding me I hit the Caps Lock. I want it disabled. For good! Thanks Darlene Dear Darlene Just take a spoon and pry off the key cap for the Caps Lock, and throw it away. Or you can glue it onto your boss'es fax machine. Personally, I like epoxying them onto the big coin operated copy machine at Walmart. There IS a longwinded way to accomplish the same with some software tweaking, but that is nowhere near as much fun. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "What is it for?" one asked. "I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells you when somebody messed up. When mom when stands on it, she gets more upset than when my sister brings her report card home."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Different Ways to Hang Dry Your Clothing We live in a 2-bedroom, first floor apartment that has an attached garage. Since we can't hang our laundry outside, my husband installed some wash lines in the garage. During the warmer months I'm able to dry my clothes and save money on the electric bill by not having to use the dryer. By MCW from Lewiston, NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety, $1.95 each.." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those new Intels ?" Customer: "I think so, it's a 19" !" Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these $29.95 mousepads" Customer: "But, will it work on a Mac ?" Salesperson: "Well,...iin that case, to be on the safe side, maybe you should get one of these blue ones for $49.95."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. People were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling instead of the weather channel."
Thanks to Irene for this story: My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly beautiful," he said politely. "Real Ivoly!"
» Light-Up





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Top Ten Gifts Your Husband Doesn't Want For Christmas 

10. Anne of Avonlea/Anne of Green Gables Collectors Edition
     with 74 minutes of extra footage

9. Any knick-knack

8. Tickets to the ballet

7. Another new tie

6. A Bath and Body Works Soap Basket

5. New teddy bear pajamas

4. Vacuum cleaner

3. A weekend seminar on "Getting in Touch With Your Feelings"

2. Pair of fuzzy bunny slippers

1. A nose and ear hair trimmer (OK, well maybe.)



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How do I make my own icons? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, December 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Re those power plugs mentioned yesterday, if you can't find 
them at your favorite hardware or electronics store, you can 
order them from igo.com: http://tinyurl.com/powplug, 
for considerably more money, though.

RadioShack has a neat package of five different adaptors
for $13, that should set you up for just about any country 
in the world: http://tinyurl.com/5powplugs

Your best bet, though, is to look up what kind of plug the
destination country uses, and then buy one or two adaptors
for just that country. 

I also have a 6-outlet power bar with a removeable plug,
instead of the cheap, molded on plug, and have on occasion
bought a cheap replacement plug at a local corner store 
and temporarily put that one onto the power bar cord.

If you don't like messing with extension cord plugs, the
staff at most hotels and motels will gladly take care of that.
Outside the US, they are usually not former HP support 
Taliban, and quite helpful.

Don't worry about the voltage and the frequency. Laptops
and cameras nowadays run at 5 - 36 Volt DC, and the
power has to be transformed down to that and rectified
into DC. Your laptop doesn't know or care, if the original
power was 60 cycle or 50 cycle, or whether it started out
as 220 Volt or 110 Volt. 

Just don't mix up your adaptors! Use some paint to color
code them! To hell with fashion, slop on bright yellow on
the adaptor and cables for the laptop, bright red for camera,
and so on. Especially if you have a Toshiba, using a wrong 
charger will kill the motherboard. To sell more laptops or
at least motherboards, they put a fusible link, or something like
that, deep into the motherboard, to kill it, if you use a 
Non-Toshiba or wrong model charger. Since that leads to 
extreme cussing, slop on the paint and avoid that problem.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water." --- Franklin P. Jones Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true. --- Sir Winston Churchill
Betty-Sue passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?" -------------------- For a similar reason, NO drunk and passed out student was EVER arrested near the Shattenburg pub on Gymnasium street, in the town, where I went to college and university. Lots of them woke up with drag marks, though, and had apparently been found and arrested on Main Street.
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!
Don't worry about messing up on those great chocolate recipes and gaining a pound. You won't because of THOSE! They are fool-proof. However, since you are likely to gain a few pounds between now and the time you make your new Year's resolutions, just because of the unhealthy stuff other people foist upon you, I will bring back the Guilt-Free Cooking link on New Year's Day, and keep it up there for a week. In case you REALLY cram on the pounds, or meet somebody, whom you want to impress, I still got access to the Fat Burning Furnace method, and will bring that link back on Jan 1 as well. So, enjoy the holidays and don't worry!
A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a stop sign, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elina Sarkisian, 22, in Skokie, Illinois Dopey woman reported hallucinated home invasion A woman who called police claiming she was the victim of a home invasion was arrested herself after police found the heroin she’d been doing when she ‘hallucinated’ the people in her home Friday in north suburban Skokie. Officers responded to a possible home invasion at 1:30 p.m. in the 9500 block of Leamington Street, when resident Elina Sarkisian told authorities there were two unwanted people inside her home, according to Skokie Police Sgt. David Pawlak. Sarkisian, 22, came outside while officers surrounded the home and searched it, Pawlak said. No one was inside, but police did discover an off-white powdery substance suspected to be heroin on her kitchen counter, divided into three lines. A pipe and cocaine was also found, Pawlak said. When she reentered the home, she told police that there had been ten people inside the home that she didn’t recognize and confessed to using drugs. “She said she’d smoked crack cocaine earlier in the day and used heroin to bring her back down,’’ said Pawlak. “She said she believed she 'hallucinated' the two subjects and they were not real.’’ She was booked into Cook County Jail on Dec. 17 after a judge ordered her held on $50,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Art Re: How do I make my own icons? Dear Webby How do I make my own icons? Art Dear Art Theoretically there are some extremely confusing rules and regulations intended to ensure, that icons work the same at any size and resolution and version of windows. Don't bother studying those, they don't work. Instead just paint your icons with ANY graphics program. Yes ANY. No need for PSP or GIMP or Photoshop. Even the included MS-PAINT will do. Paint the icons as big as you want them to be, for example 32 x 32. Make an easy to find folder, for example c:\ico and save them as .bmp to that folder. Once they are saved, close your graphics program, go to that icon folder, and rename them from .bmp to .ico That's all there is to it. Now you can assign them as icons to any program or shortcut. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, "Mommy, the woman in the white house down the street asked my name today!" "Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?" "Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Canning Jars to Start Cuttings Instead of buying a plant for a birthday or housewarming gift, grow one. I have a few old canning jars in my kitchen window, and I grow new plants in water from clippings of older plants. When it has new roots I plant it in dirt and give a homemade gift that will last a long time. By Georgjeana from Tallmadge, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Jill work, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on a yellow allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine Jill's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked it be turned down because he was too hot, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
A man was telling a friend about a nudist party he'd been invited to. "I rang the bell and the nudist butler opened the door." he stated. His friend interrupted, "How did you know it was the butler?" "Well, he answered smoothly, I could tell at the first glance, that it wasn't the maid."
» Christmas Around the World





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Working while away from the office 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 22

It is still snowing.
Tomorrow I'm going to go walking, anywhere, wherever. 
This sitting around waiting for better weather is not 
good for my health. 

The roads have been plowed, mostly onto the  sidewalks,
but from what little bit I have seen, it seems to be OK to
walk on the roads. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream. --- Malcom Muggeridge It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. --- Harry S Truman
Here is a classic joke that taught me to stop properly at stop signs, and grin. I first heard it from the driver's license examiner in the Yukon in 1970. A police officer pulled over a red Corvette after it had run a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please?" "What's the problem, officer?" "You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection." "Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me". "Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution." "You gotta be kidding me!" "It's no joke, sir". "Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution." "That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..." "You've sure got a lot of time on your hands. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?" "Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately!" "I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop." "Sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to perform a spirited drum solo on him with his nightstick and long flashlight. "Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!

The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michael Pratt, 27, Florida Man Stole Woman's Car During Movie Date The 27-year-old Floridian was on a movie date last week with Sarah Bush, 35, when he asked for her car keys so that he could retrieve something from the vehicle. Bush gave him the keys and went back to watching “Immortals” (Pratt had paid for the movie tickets, while Bush shelled out for a nacho combo). However, Pratt--who had been dating Bush for two weeks-- never returned to the Cobb Theater in Wesley Chapel. When Bush departed, she realized that her rented Ford Focus had been stolen. When she called Pratt, he left no doubt about the whereabouts of her wheels: “Ha ha I stole your car,” he said, according to a Pasco County Sheriff’s Office report. The vehicle, owned by Enterprise Rent-A-Car, was recovered Sunday in a Walmart parking lot after Pratt called Bush and told her where he abandoned the $13,000 vehicle. When cops caught up with Pratt Wednesday he copped to swiping the car and leaving it at the Walmart in New Port Richey. As a result, he was arrested for felony grand theft and booked into the Pasco County lockup in lieu of $5000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Anita Re: Working while away from the office Dear Webby, You seem to be able to work while travelling. I have been trying to convince my husband that it can be done just as easy as working from home, at least for the time necessary for a trip to the USA. What kinds of preparations would you recommend? Thanks Anita Dear Anita Get a power bar, that allows you to plug in ALL of your stuff, laptop charger, printer, camera, shaver, etc. Ideal is a power bar with a cord, not one that plugs in directly. Then get a flat blade plug adapter like this: North America uses flat blade plugs. Normally, there is a third prong for the ground, but since laptops and small accessories don't utilize the ground anyway, (they usually work at the 5 Volt DC USB level nowadays), you don't have to worry about that. Those compact two-prong adapters are cheap, usually around a dollar, and they work perfectly fine for anything to do with computers and cameras and any small appliance. If somebody tries to tell you, that you need expensive three prong adapters for small appliances, feel free to tell them where to stick those. With the more efficient North American 60 cycle system, one of the two blades is a little bit wider. That is the "Identified" or "GroundED" conductor. If you hear somebody emphasise the ED in "GroundED", then you are talking to an electrician or electrical engineer. That prong is NOT the ground, but the white or identified wire, that is groundED in the breaker panel. Even though it is not a proper ground, since it carries return current, it is close enough for small appliances. For high power use appliances like clothes irons, hair driers, etc., you have to buy them at a local store. Those can't operate on the different voltage, but are quite cheap. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Egg Cartons For Craft Organization I save egg cartons of both kinds, cardboard and Styrofoam. I use the bottom of all sizes in the Styrofoam to use when I do watercolor painting. They can be used for any painting medium and also for crafting. I use them and then toss them out after my day of painting for mixing colors. You can also either the Styrofoam or cardboard cartons for all sorts of crafting or sewing, for storing beads for Jewelry making, for any kind of small items to keep you organized. By handbaglady from Manahawkin, NJ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone. "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bill for this story: The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water.
» Zebulon





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Auto-Responders 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 21
Happy Hanukkah!

There is no Gullible Warming in Europe either. It is still
snowing, though some Foehn, their equivalent of our Chinook,
is forecast for Christmas.

Large parts of Europe still believe in Gullible Warming, 
or use that hoax as an excuse for not being prepared to clear
snow like they used to, before the warming ripple.

Of course, the older people claim, that they always used to
get a lot of snow now and then, but that in THEIR days,
there was a lot less incompetence and laziness.
Hmmmm, seems I have heard that before.

The Algorians now claim that Gullible Warming causes colder
weather. And the old folks claim it causes general incompetence
and laziness. I wonder if I could get a grant to study that, 
or wether I would have to become a Democrat first?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. --- Mohandas Gandhi
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
Secret Restaurant Recipes Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers. Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free Enjoy the Secret Recipes

"I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist." "Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman."
From Guinn re yesterday's picture: Hi, Webby. The falls picture in today's Webby column Is Multnoma Falls, just a few miles east of Portland, Oregon and was the subject of my first landscape picture, way back in 1946! I took my picture with a Kodak Bantam but did not smear the water this much, which made for a better picture. Guinn Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Simone Paolercio, 39, Lakeland, Florida Lakeland teacher Simone Paolercio arrested for battery on McDonald's employee LAKELAND, Florida -- The Polk County Sheriff's Office has arrested a Lakeland teacher for battery after she allegedly threw food at a McDonald's employee. According to investigators, 39-year-old Simone Paolercio was in the drive-thru of a McDonald's on South Florida Avenue Saturday morning when she got into a dispute with the window attendant over her order. They say Paolercio demanded a refund. When the manager refused, she allegedly threw the food through the window, striking the attendant in the face and chest. Paolercio fled the restaurant in her car. The incident was of course captured on store video surveillance. Paolercio was located by deputies at her home, arrested without incident, and booked into the Polk County Jail on a battery charge. She told deputies she is currently a teacher at Lakeland Highlands Middle School.
Tech Support Pits: From: Susan Re: Auto-Repondres Dear Webby, Hi there, your daily letter is not only funny but invariably useful tech-wise! As always, many thanks (and a question, of course)! Is there an auto-responder software that you recommend? I only want it for the two months this summer when we will be out of the country and away from e-mail (yay). Any thoughts on this will be much appreciated! Thanks, Susan Dear Susan How do YOU feel aubout the nuisance auto-crappers of pretentious snoots, who act as if you care whether or not they answer immediately or three weeks later? Has it ever occurred to you, that other people feel exactly the same way about it, and many of them use their MailWasher to not only filter them into the trash, unseen, on the server, without even downloading them, but they also black-list the address, that had sent the auto-crappers. Yes, the reason I call them that, is because a few Thousand readers do that, and I don't want their anti-spam programs to blacklist me. Just send ONE email to your friends and acquaintances, and tell them, that you will be away from your regular computer until your return date. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Old Johann Muller was a minister in a small German town. He had always been a good man and lived by the Bible. One day God decided to reward him, with the answer to any three questions Johann Muller would like to ask. Old Johann Muller did not need much time to consider, and the first question was: "Will there ever be married Catholic priests?" God promptly replied: "Not in your life-time." Johann Muller thought for a while, and then came up with the second question: "what about female priests then, will we have those one day?" Again God had to disappoint Old Johann Muller: "Not in your life-time, I'm afraid." Johann Muller was sorry to hear that, and he decided to drop the subject. After having though for a while, he asked the last question: "Will there ever be another German pope?" God answered quickly and with a firm voice, "Not in My life time."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Lids Work as Small Dry Eraser Boards Margarine or butter container lids make great dry erase boards. You can use washable markers on them or dry erase markers on them. I cut the rim off of the top of the margarine container lid, made a hole with an icepick and then put a twist tie through the hole and then clothes pinned it to the kitchen blinds. By Robyn from Hampton http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. The attorney asked:"Was the deceased in the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said Kelly. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Bozo," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
» Mrs Claus's Kitchen





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Is your email hacked, or just normal spam ?  



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 20

Christmas is sneaking up on us!
Time to start panicking!

Yesterday I wanted to show somebody Walmartians.com,.
and got a nasty surprise. The site was shut down and the domain 
name is up for auction by GoDaddy. 

Don't fall for their "Domain Buy" deal for $69. That does not 
get you the domain, just some basic informaton and maybe 
their guesses, how high the eventual auction will likely go. 

I have to say this for GoDaddy: If you do fall for that $69 "deal",
and demand your money back, they refund quickly and without
any argument.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. --- G. K. Chesterton
A young man from the city goes to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle shows him the usual things, the livestock, the crops. After three days, however, it is obvious that the nephew is getting bored, and the uncle is running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle has an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seems to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he goes. After a few hours, the nephew returns. "How did you enjoy that?" his uncle asks. "It was great," the nephew says. "I kinda like those dogs, so I took the cats instead. Got any more cats?"
Secret Restaurant Recipes Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers. Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free Enjoy the Secret Recipes

At the barbecue a lady stood up and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations. At the stroke of nine, she wanted every man to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The poor bartender was almost crushed to death.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Korin Vanhouten, 47 and Eldon Alexander, 36 in Ogden, Utah 2 discover their vehicle was burglarized while they were shoplifting OGDEN — Two people cited for shoplifting became victims of a crime themselves. While they were questioned in the shoplifting case, police say someone broke into their vehicle and stole a stereo and several other items. It happened about 5 p.m. Thursday at the WinCo Foods at the corner of Wall and 12th Street in Ogden. “Store security had the individuals in custody, in their office,” Ogden Police Lt. Eric Young said. “They had reviewed surveillance video and recovered stolen property from the suspects.” Police say Eldon Alexander, 36, and 47-year-old Korin Vanhouten tried to walk out of the store with several small-ticket items like makeup, energy bars and batteries. They were cited for shoplifting and let go. But as the officer started to leave, “He sees the two suspects trying to flag him down in the parking lot,” Young said, “and he goes over to their location and realizes that their vehicle has actually been burglarized.” From a distance, surveillance video caught what appears to be a man in a red sweater scoping out Alexander's truck and he eventually gets inside. "They ended up having their stereo and amplifier, a drum machine and some cigarettes stolen from their vehicle," Young said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Roy Re: Email hacked? Dear Webby, Some scammer has hacked my e-mail account and is sending spam to my list. These e-mails are not from me, and I am getting it sorted out with Rogers now. I am Sorry about that. Hope all is well with you and you are having a great holiday season. Roy Dear Roy Don't panic. I did not receive any spam with your address as the FROM address. You simply got mail, that had the same address forged into the FROM slot as the TO slot. If you ever sent an email to a yahoo, then you got to expect that. How many hundred times have I mentioned how you can make a very simple filter with MailWasher, to nuke spam like that, in the dark, on the server, unseen by any human? You simply make a filter that, IF the FROM address CONTAINS (your address) AND the TO address CONTAINS ( your address) AND the SUBJECT DOES NOT CONTAIN ~ THEN delete the message on the server, automatically, without showing it in the list. You don't have to type all that, most of it is just simple pull-down selections. The third citeria, the ~ in the subject line, is so that YOU can send mail to yourself, if you want to use that method to quickly save something. Spammers don't know about your secret back-door key to get around that filter. You can, of course, use any secret character, that spammers are not likely to use. Like that, you can make as many filters as you want. Whenever you notice some kind of pattern or peculiarity, make a filter, and nuke the nuisances, unseen. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young minister, in his first days at his first parish, is obliged to conduct the funeral services for an eccentric man who has just died. At he funeral home, he stands before the open casket and tries to think of words to console the widow. Finally, the minister says, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is only the husk, the shell. The nut has gone to heaven."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mix Nail Polish Colors for a Custom Look Are you almost out of your favorite color of nail polish and can't afford to buy more this week? Then just get 2 bottles of different colors you have already, and mix them together to make a new color. Don't add any polish remover to it though, it will ruin it. I do this when I get low on polish, and it works fine. Try it. By Laurie from OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The two women just won't leave the poor man alone. His mother-in-law yells, "You're driving too fast!" His wife screams, "Stay to the right!" After several more orders from both of them the man breaks down and barks at his wife, "Who's driving this car anyway, you or your mother?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to all of them!"
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 18

Thank you Svend!

Today I got some of the obligatory in- and outlaw vitisting over
and done with, but very little work done. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. --- Emile Chartier Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids! --- Socratex
An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the Secret Recipes

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28 in Madison, Wisconsin 'Pocket dialed' 911 call leads to easy arrest of two thieves Two Madison men were cited for retail theft Tuesday after a “pocket dial” to 911 provided a live play-by-play of their plans to sell stolen DVDs and computer games at a used video game store on the city’s East Side, police said. According to Madison police, Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28, couldn’t stop talking about their thievery after lifting a bunch of DVDs and computer games from a Target store at 201 Junction Road on the city’s Far West Side at about 5:30 p.m. They yakked, jawed and chortled inside their getaway SUV for 54 minutes, bragging about what they stole, describing the vehicle they were in, and chatting about where they might get the best prices for the stolen merchandise before locking in on the Video X-Change, 3002 Atwood Ave., said police spokesman Joel DeSpain. The two even talked about how police would be looking for a blue Dodge Durango without license plates, so they decided put the plates back on, DeSpain said. When then the pair pulled into a parking lot near the Video X-Change, they noticed a couple of squad cars, DeSpain said. The next thing they knew, several officers, a couple with guns drawn, were yelling, “Police! Show your hands!” Both men were dumbfounded by how police knew exactly where they would be, not knowing one of them had pocket dialed 911 on his cellphone when they got into the SUV after the theft, DeSpain said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Open a NEW window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure ther is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replies indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Magic Eraser in the Shower Keep a white eraser sponge in your shower. After you shower, take 20 seconds to wipe down the walls and floor. You will never get those tough hard water stains that only powerful chemical cleaners remove - or at least far fewer to deal with. Also, the porcelain stays so white and pretty. This takes little effort to do! By susannl from St. Cloud, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with? 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing.
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Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 18

Thank you Svend!

Today I got some of the obligatory in- and outlaw vitisting over
and done with, but very little work done. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. --- Emile Chartier Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids! --- Socratex
An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the Secret Recipes

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28 in Madison, Wisconsin 'Pocket dialed' 911 call leads to easy arrest of two thieves Two Madison men were cited for retail theft Tuesday after a “pocket dial” to 911 provided a live play-by-play of their plans to sell stolen DVDs and computer games at a used video game store on the city’s East Side, police said. According to Madison police, Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28, couldn’t stop talking about their thievery after lifting a bunch of DVDs and computer games from a Target store at 201 Junction Road on the city’s Far West Side at about 5:30 p.m. They yakked, jawed and chortled inside their getaway SUV for 54 minutes, bragging about what they stole, describing the vehicle they were in, and chatting about where they might get the best prices for the stolen merchandise before locking in on the Video X-Change, 3002 Atwood Ave., said police spokesman Joel DeSpain. The two even talked about how police would be looking for a blue Dodge Durango without license plates, so they decided put the plates back on, DeSpain said. When then the pair pulled into a parking lot near the Video X-Change, they noticed a couple of squad cars, DeSpain said. The next thing they knew, several officers, a couple with guns drawn, were yelling, “Police! Show your hands!” Both men were dumbfounded by how police knew exactly where they would be, not knowing one of them had pocket dialed 911 on his cellphone when they got into the SUV after the theft, DeSpain said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Open a NEW window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure ther is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replies indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Magic Eraser in the Shower Keep a white eraser sponge in your shower. After you shower, take 20 seconds to wipe down the walls and floor. You will never get those tough hard water stains that only powerful chemical cleaners remove - or at least far fewer to deal with. Also, the porcelain stays so white and pretty. This takes little effort to do! By susannl from St. Cloud, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with? 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing. >img src="http://webby.com/humor/i/710cap.jpg">
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 15

There may be some irregularities in the near future.
I have traditionally sent out Ophelia's newsletter for her,
using my Magiclist program. No, she is not my daughter,
or granddaughter, I think. Just a good friend and student.

Because she has not gotten any donations since summer,
and almost no sign-ups, she now has to work a second job,
to pay her bills and credit cards. Like me, she had hoped
the economy would recover soon, and like me, she kept 
staff too long, and got too deep into debt. 

Because of her second job, I can't ask her to send out my 
newsletter on time. And why can't I send it myself?
Karolyn, a good friend from my decades in the Arctic,
is moving to the southern US, and used her left-over Canadian
AirMiles to buy me a ticket to go see my dad for Christmas.

Naturally, the flights close to Christmas have been booked 
a year ago. So I am taking off today, Thursday, mid-afternoon.

Well, I am used to packing quickly from the Cactus Safaris,
that I went on every April with my dad for more than 
twenty years. Hunt cacti and drive like a maniac all day long,
do my office work at night, pack in 3 minutes in the morning 
and do it all over again.

Laptop, mouse, external keyboard, external hard drive,
head-set, a stack of socks, some shirts, the good and the 
soft jeans, and the rest should still be in the wheeled
travel case. 
Oh, and the Euro Plug adapter!

Believe it or not, after almost a dozen years not using
them or even looking at them, I was still able to find them.
Surprised myself!
  
So, this afternoon I will be boarding a big Air Canada 767.
The seat is supposedly 25 K. That must be an awfully wide 
plane, or else they have really narrow seats in economy class.
I'll tell you all about it.
.
I will arrive in Frankfurt 9 1/2 hours later around noon, 
their time, then after customs, fly on to Munich.
There I'll take the subway from the airport to the main 
train station and meet my dad there on platform 23.
He is going to travel to Munich and escort me to Austria.
Around 7 or 8 in the evening we should be at his house.

After some polite chat with assorted in- and outlaws, we'll
eat, and then I can try to connect to the net from there,
and send the next Humor Letter out, If I can connect 
properly, and if I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

In the meantime, I will pre-write and prepare up to the
last minute. Any and all plans for Christmas are subject
to revision.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And now a word from our sponsor'. --- Hal Eaton
Thanks to Pam for this one: With her brown eyes and curly hair, our youngest daughter takes after my husband. At three, she was a lively, mischievous girl, and people often remarked on how cute she was. One day I was standing with her in the supermarket when a woman commented on how cute she was. My smile disappeared when she asked, "Is she really yours?"
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the Secret Recipes

- Coed A: "My roommate hogs the TV!" - Coed B: "My roommate keeps borrowing my makeup without asking!" - Coed C: "My roommate keeps stealing my boyfriends before I'm done using them!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cheryl Hepner, Man uses iPhone to record mother-in-law's attempt to murder him A man managed to video tape his mother-in-law shooting him on his iPhone, and the footage was enough to prove his "POV" of the incident, vs. hers. Salvatore Miglino, 39, caught the attack on his iPhone Miglino got a bad feeling when he drove up to his mother-in-law's Boca Raton, Fla. home where his wife and son now live. He turned on the recording capability of his iPhone, just in case, and it was a good decision. His mother-in-law, 66-year-old Cheryl Hepner, stood outside the home with his three-year-old son's pillow and overnight bag. Miglino was there to pick up his son for a court-scheduled custody visit. Hepner tried to get Miglino to enter the home, ostensibly because Hepner's ailing husband wanted to speak to him. When Miglino refused, Hepner pulled a .22-caliber Beretta out from behind the pillow, and started firing. On the video gunshots can be heard. Then, Miglino can be heard saying "I can't believe you did that. I can't believe you did that ... I can't believe you f***ing shot me." Miglino took two bullets, one in the rib cage and one in the shoulder. Despite those wounds, he managed to wrestle the gun away from Hepner, and then drove away while calling 911. Ah, but Hepner also called police, setting up a "he said, she said" situation. n her 911 call, Hepner told the police that Miglino pulled the gun on her. She said, "No, he pulled it on me and he's got it. He drove away," according to a recording of the 911 call. She also mentioned that Miglino and her daughter were in "the middle of a horrible divorce." Meanwhile, however, Miglino's iPhone video corroborated his story. Dani Moscella, spokeswoman for the Broward Country Sheriff's Department said, "As evidence goes, that was a gem. That absolutely corroborated everything that Mr. Miglino had told detectives."
Tech Support Pits: From: Vlad Re: Download from camera Dear Webby, What is better, to download from a digital camera directly to the computer, or taking the memory chip out and reading it in a chip reader ? Vlad Dear Vlad Taking the memory chip out and reading it in a standard chip reader is much better, and much faster too. The added advantage is that the computer views the chip reader as if it was just another hard drive, and at the same or better speed as a hard drive. You can then work on the pictures with any program. The main reason, though, is that the USB port is running at 5 volts, and the camer at six. So the camera will be trying to charge the computer up to six volts, and thereby draining the camera batter down to five volts. Cameras are supposed to have circuitry to prevent that, but most of them will loose some battery charge. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "Probably a forklift and a fewcrowbars."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Free Address Labels to Mark Belongings Placing a sticky address label (they come in the mail all the time) on your inside lid of the DVD, books, under plates or whatever you loan out makes it easier for the borrower to return. By Frances E. from Bath, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bobbie for this: Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole DVD?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "I send him to MY room!"
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Parental Controls 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 14

Thank you Genevieve!
Thank you Dianne!
Thank you Sig!

Looks like Obama's owners ordered him to veto the proposed 
bill, that would encourage speeding up the permit approval
for the Keyston XL pipeline. They want the US to buy oil from
Arabia and Venezuela, not use North-American homebrew
oil, at least until after next election. That means 420,000 US jobs,
paid for by Canada, postponed until after the election. 

Some people still pray to Saint Obama, who can't do wrong. 
But some of us would prefer the economy to improve again soon.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. --- Catherine Aird Life is one fool thing after another where as love is two fool things after each other. --- Oscar Wilde
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Nobody wanted Guiltfree Christmas and to save money with healthy and fat burning treats. So, let's try the opposite. It will still save you money, but probably won't help you lose Christmas weight.
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the
Secret Recipes

Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Todd Britto, 38 of Waterbury, CT Man Fell Asleep In Vehicle With A Joint In His Hands and 33 bags of heroin in the vehicle A 38-year-old man was arrested Friday morning after he fell asleep inside his vehicle on Brooksvale Avenue with a joint in his hands, police said. Todd Britto, of 14 Vine St., Waterbury, also had 33 bags of heroin inside the vehicle, police said. Officers also said they found $380 cash strewn throughout the vehicle, which was obstructing traffic when they found him about 12:4 5a.m. Britto was charged with possession of narcotics, possession with intent to sell and possession of marijuana. Britto was held with bail set at $15,000 and is scheduled to appear in Superior Court in Meriden on Dec. 23.
Tech Support Pits: From: Kerry Re: Parental control filters Dear Webby, What do recommend for parental control filters? Kerry Dear Kerry A sturdy marble or oak rolling pin seems to be the best. The software parental controls are way too soft. Most likely your kids can crack them a lot faster than you can set them up, plus they can always go to different but similar sites. Just hanging around now and then and making it clear that computer use is a privilege, that can be cut at any time, is the most effective. Kids will sneak a peek at taboo stuff anyway, just like you did. The general idea is to not make such a big fuss about it that it turns into an obsession. A good education about what lurks on the chat programs and certain sites will go a lot further in protecting your kids than any software. Point out to them, what they stand to lose, if they get the machine infected. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During exams at England's Cambridge University, a bright young student asks the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. "Sorry, no," says the proctor. "Sir, I really must insist," says the student, taking out a copy of the 400 year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect. He points to a section which reads (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes and ale." The proctor gives in, but since cakes and ale aren't readily available, he and the student agree that hamburgers and beer can be substituted, and the student sits there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the same student is fined fifty pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Free Address Labels to Mark Belongings Placing a sticky address label (they come in the mail all the time) on your inside lid of the DVD, books, under plates or whatever you loan out makes it easier for the borrower to return. By Frances E. from Bath, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to acess the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As she sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then started typing, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Chris for this story: I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"
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PPS to JPG 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 13

Global CO2 levels have hit an all time high, well, since 
that sort of think has been tracked anyway. 
Temperatures, however, are in the cyclic cooling ripple,
that started around Y2K, just as the Algorians were finishing
their big presentation to con the sheep and make some serious
money. 

Now another batch of grant seekers, ahem "Scientists" are
claiming, that the hockey stick model is upside down and that
CO2 causes Gullible Cooling, ahem Global Cooling.

Well, in my humble opinion, those con artists are full of crap too.
Just look at the bar charts on the sides of canyons!
It's all cyclic. 
And CO2 is not a CAUSE of anything, it is an indicator, 
a Tattle-Tale, with the customary lage of Mother Nature,
of what has happened. Definitely not a predictor of what is
going to happen.

Remember Car Sagan's ice Age scare?
What is really hilarious, that eventually prompted the BBC series
called "The Frozen Planet". It didn't melt during the Gullible
Warming hoax period, but now, that it is getting colder, they
are winding it down.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I always travel first class on a train. It's the only way to avoid one's creditors." ---Seymour Hicks The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. --- Thomas H. Huxley It is really inconvenient, that reality refused to cooperate with the almost elegant Global Warming spoof. --- Socratex
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
Nobody wanted Guiltfree Christmas and to save money with healthy and fat burning treats. So, let's try the opposite. It will still save you money, but probably won't help you lose Christmas weight.
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the
Secret Recipes

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500.00." "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much." "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2012 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... " "What price did he quote you?" "Only $72,000 ... " "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! But before we hang up, something else ... " "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... " "How much are they asking?" "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have almost half that that much in the bank ... " "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye ... I do too." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand and asks all those present, "Okay... who's phone is this?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jesua Tatad, 39 from San Francisco Woman Poured Hot Boiling Water on Sleeping Ex Husband Before Beating Him with a Baseball Bat A San Francisco woman is facing serious criminal charges for throwing a pan of boiling water on her ex-husband and brutally beating him with a baseball bat … all because she found out he was dating a new woman. Tatad is accused of pouring boiling water over her ex-husband for seeing another woman. Jesua Tatad is said to have scalded her former spouse as he slept and then beat him with a baseball bat. Even though they were divorced, the 39-year-old stayed at the home of the victim, who suffered 60 per cent burns. Prosecutors said Tatad waited until her ex was asleep before pouring a full pot of boiling water over his body. As he leapt up in pain she was waiting with a baseball bat and allegedly clubbed him in the head. Police said he was able to escape and flagged down a passing security guard outside his home in Daly City, California. An ambulance rushed the man to San Francisco General Hospital where he was admitted in critical condition. San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said the victim is unable to speak due to his injuries. He said Tatad wasn’t cooking anything prior to the incident and deliberately boiled the water for the attack. That makes the crime a deliberate and planned attack and most likely attempted first degree murder. Wagstaffe said she had waited until her ex returned home from working a night shift. The victim is in ‘pretty bad shape’ but will survive, Wagstaffe said, adding ‘he’s in for a long, long and painful recovery.’ ‘It wasn’t like she was cooking breakfast,” he added. ‘She boiled up that pot of water to pour on him.’ Tatad was arrested and charged with several felonies, including assault with a deadly weapon, aggravated mayhem and torture. She is being held on $600,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: PowerPoint to JPG Dear Webby, Do you know if there is a way to remove individual pictures from a powerpoint presentation? I get these from friends all the time, but sometimes there's only one picture I want to keep out of the bunch. Thanks Steve Dear Steve Untold Millions of people share your frustration, or have shared it in the past, until they figured out how to do a screen capture. Cleverly disguised as an ordinary key on the keybooard is the "Print Screen" key. Since thelate80'sthat key does not print what is on the screen onto a rat-tat-tat dot matrix or daisywheel printer, but "prints" what is on the screen into memory, just like when you highlight a word or sentence, and hit CTRL C. Open your graphics program, like for example PaintShopPro or Photoshop or the free GIMP. Then start that PPS slide show. When you get to the picture you want, hit that "Print Screen" key. The screen is "printed" into memory. ALT and PrintScreen copies just the active window. ALT-TAB from the slide show to your graphics program hit CTRL V to paste. That opens a new picture with the copied picture in it. If you want to write some text onto the picture, do that AFTER you have re-sized the picture. Text does not resize very well. If you have more pictures to grab, ALT-TAB back into the slide show and continue to the next picture that you want to "print" to memory. Have FUN! DearWebby
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One night a woman found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by his unusual display of deep emotions, she felt her eyes grow moist. She slipped her arms around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she lovingly whispered in his ear. "It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make and ship a crib like that for only $49.95!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. Little Johnny said, "Because they said it has to have at least four characters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier. "Listen," the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought that battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!" "Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last that long."
» Split level critters





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What is the scroll lock for? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 12

Sunday it snowed almost all day long. 
Acording to the forecast, it's supposed to stop snowing 
by morning. Wind is supposed to be gentle and the snow
shoveling might not be too bad. I probably won't do the sidewalk,
but definitely have to do the driveway from the garage to the road.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. --- Aneurin Bevan
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Are you too senile to remember?"
Last Chance! GuiltFREE! 50 EASY Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Alisha Halfmoon, 45, in Tulsa, OK Cooking Meth at Walmart An Oklahoma woman was arrested Thursday after police caught her mixing chemicals to make meth inside a South Tulsa Walmart. Video surveillance shows 45-year-old Elizabeth Alisha Greta Halfmoon, also known as simply Alisha Halfmoon, arriving at the store around noon. Walmart security called the police about 6 hours later after they noticed her acting suspicious, and when officers arrived on the scene, they asked Ms. Halfmoon why she was cooking meth at Walmart. Her response was that she was simply “too broke to buy the chemicals.” She also told officers that she “was not very good at making meth." “She didn’t have the money to make the purchases of the chemicals that were needed so she was taking what was needed in the bottle,” Officer David Shelby told local news station Fox 23. “When I saw her she had just finished mixing sulfuric acid with starter fluid in a bottle.” Halfmoon was arrested and charged with endeavoring to manufacture meth and is currently being held on $100,000 bond with an arraignment scheduled for next week. Police say they arrested Halfmoon just last month in a smurf sting. Smurfs are known among police as meth cooks or recruits who purchase pseudoephedrine to make meth. The medication is often found in cold and allergy medicines and is the main ingredient needed to make meth. Jail records show she was booked on November 6 and released from jail on those charges on December 6. Records show she received a deferred sentence and bonded out on $7,500.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brad Re: What is the scroll lock for? Dear Webby, What is the scroll lock key for ? Is that just some old legacy stuff ? Brad Dear Brad The Scroll lock is mostly just for spreadsheet and database work. When you hit that, and then scroll, the highlighted cell stays in place, or at least in view, while the spreadsheet moves underneath it according to the arrow keys that you press. It also works in text documents, for example, when you prepare sheets of address labels. Normally, the arrow keys scroll the page, Scroll Lock keeps thepage in place, but scrolls the contents of the label, in which the cursor is. Hitting Scroll Lock again, returns the control to scrolling the entire page. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. " How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A mother with a fidgety five-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still through the church sermon and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
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Create a 12 labels per page template with Open Office 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 11

At times like this I really regret, that I did not choose a 
career as a street sweeper. Aside from a steady income,
I would have a lot of spare time for crafts and to create
Christmas presents. 
Next life!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. --- Paula Poundstone
Budget conscious parents will tell you that it is a traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal breakfast dish. Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
GuiltFREE! 50 EASY Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings that are on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replies. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
Thanks to Guinn for his December orchid: Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nekiva Vonte Hardy, 30 in Montgomery, Alabama Burger King brawler lied to cops The Alabama woman who recently busted up a Florida Burger King gave cops a fake name, address, and date of birth following her arrest for the melee, a video of which became the latest fast food outburst to go viral via YouTube. The perp told Panama City Beach cops that her name was Kimesa Smith. She gave her age as 23 and said she lived at 2627 Westgate Street in Montgomery, Alabama. In fact, The Smoking Gun has discovered, the suspect’s actual name is Nekiva Vonte Hardy. She is 30 and lives with her children at 2627 Lark Drive in Montgomery. Her rap sheet includes arrests for cocaine possession, criminal mischief, and hindering prosecution. Hardy, pictured in the above mug shots, is seen at left in the photo taken after the Burger King collar, and at right in the shot snapped following her November 2006 cocaine bust. Hardy gave Florida cops the name of an acquaintance from Montgomery. In an interview, the real Kimesa Smith told TSG that she was “shocked” to see her name attached to the Burger King incident. Smith, 28, recently completed a two-year prison term (for burglary and theft of property), and is not allowed out of state without her probation officer’s permission. Smith--who said that she used to have her hair done by Hardy at the Lark Drive residence--could not explain why Hardy would have appropriated her name. Both women attended the same Montgomery high school Hardy also copped to lying to police (and TSG) when she claimed that she had traveled to Florida with three of her four children. If cops thought she had to care for her young children, Hardy surmised, they would be less likely to keep her in custody. On Friday, Florida prosecutors filed formal charges against “Smith,” who had jumped bail and returned to Alabama after the Burger king arrest, accusing her of felony criminal mischief, two counts of misdemeanor battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest (she initially was charged with only simple battery, a misdemeanor). Hardy will likely face an additional charge (or charges) for the Smith masquerade. Asked if she expected to travel to Florida and surrender on the five counts, Hardy replied, “Fuck them, they’ll have to come and get me.” She added, however, “It’s gonna be hard to find me.” The cops are not worried. She will undoubtedly run afoul of the law again.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Making 12 labels per page on Open Office Dear Webby I have downloaded Open Office (again) but can't find a way to do what I need. I am trying to make one small 13 line label and then copy and paste it so I end up with 12 to a 8 x 11 page for easy cutting and using. For my purposes they have to be that small. I cannot for the life of me figure out a way to do it. Periodicaly I also have to change the first line to a different product but the body remains the same. Thanks again for any help you can give me..(again) Ann Dear Ann In Open Office WRITE click on FILE NEW Labels Select an Avery label number, like for example J8164 (3 x 4 labels per page) and hit New Document on that little window. It will generate a page template with 12 labels, three side by side, and 4 rows of them, just like you would print onto the J8164 Avery peel-and-stick label sheets. You can, of course, select any of the countless different label styles. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say the blessing when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that I have asked for a blessing on all this stuff before."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
According to statistics, last year over 22 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were their kids.
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Post Office 

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.





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Moving all PPS files 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 10

Thank you, Ken!

Lucille, from couple-or-not.com asked for info, that summarizes
the debunked Gullible Warming fad. Apparently just me 
calling it BS for the last ten years is not enough. 
Luckily, Sandie had sent me a link to a fairly eloquent 
geologist 'splaining the facts to the British parliament.
Gullible Warming Debunked

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks a friend. "With her, your chances are better," says the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart condition."
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

SOMETIMES... Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kasia Rivera, 34, in East Orange, NJ Shooting Mistletoe at the mall NEWARK -- A New Jersey woman who police say injected a man's penis with silicone, resulting in his death, has been charged with manslaughter. The Essex County prosecutor's office says 34-year-old Kasia Rivera gave 22-year-old Justin Street the injection on May 5. Such injections often are used to enlarge body parts. Street died the day after his injection. His death was ruled a homicide following an investigation and a medical examiner's determination he died of a silicone embolism. Rivera also faces charges for the unauthorized practice of medicine. She was arrested Friday and is being held on $75,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Lydia Re: moving all PPS files Dear Webby, I got my computer more or less organized and have all received files in the mail Attachment directory, including the ones sent to me via Skype. Now that Attachment directory is getting so big, that W7 takes forever to load or sort it. W7 may be cute, but it is a lemon. How can I extract JUST the PPS files,and move them into a PPS sub folder inside the Attachments folder? Thanks Lydia Dear Lydia Copy or write down the address of where that Attachments folder is, highlight it, and copy it that address. Click on START type CMD and hit ENTER. You will get the scary, black DOS screen. Yes, deep down underneath is still good old DOS. Now type CD and a space, then Right-click, select PASTE to paste that address, and hit Enter. The command line now should show that address. Type DIR PPS and hit Enter. That will show you the contents of the PPS folder, IF you have indeed made it inside the Attachments folder.If necessary, you can make it by typing MD PPS and hitting ENTER. Now type move *.pps PPS /Y and hit ENTER. The /Y is optional, it just gives it a YES! on the question about overwriting an existing copy of a file. With as many files as you probably have, you are not going to compare and see if all versions of it are the same. So just overwrite any identically named duplicates. There will be a brief flurry of activty on the screen, and it's done. All PPS files have been moved to the PPS folder. Now do the same with the PPT files. move *.pps PPT /Y and hit ENTER. That's it, all done. Type exit and hit ENTER to close the DOS window to the raw command line. See, DOS is not really that scary. The * in *.PPS is a wildcard. It simply means ANYTHING before .pps If you make a folder named PIX for JPG files inside that Attachments folder, you could move all JPG files with the command: move *.jpg PIX The command is simply move what where Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A man appeared at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replied. "I know, lady," the man said. "Your neighbors did."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cake Mix Bag For Decorating When I make cupcakes from a cake mix, I always save the bag. I rinse the bag out, dry it, clip a corner and insert a decorating tip inside. It makes a perfect disposable frosting bag and these bags are super strong. By norulesart from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," says the father. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident in which a car has smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer."
» Lunar Eclipse





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Missing browser address bar 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, December 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous. --- Robert G. Ingersoll
Two women are paired together as partners in a club tournament and meet on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asks, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replies. "Really," says the first woman, suitably impressed and thinking they might have a shot at the championship. "Yes," says her partner, "I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones.
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

Angus McInnes is dying. On his deathbed, he looks up and says: "Is my wife here?" "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you," his wife replies. "Are my children here?" he asks. "Yes, daddy, we are all here?" "And my other relatives? Are they also here?" "Yes, we are all here," says one. "Then why is the light on in the kitchen?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Richard Robinson, DeKalb, GA Shooting Mistletoe at the mall DECATUR, Ga. -- In the twinkling, pine-scented pantheon of Christmas decorating, mistletoe occupies a special place. But in the wild, mistletoe is a parasitic plant that creates a leafy ball in the tops of trees. For centuries, the challenge has been how to get the mistletoe out of the tree most efficiently. "I've gathered it before," said 11Alive photographer Richard Crabbe, a man with roots in rural Georgia. "The traditional southern way-- with a gun!" "Tradition has it that you would shoot it out of a tree with a gun," said Shannon Wurst, who sells mistletoe at Big John's in Buckhead. "At least that's what my grandparents always used to do." To Wurst and to Crabbe, the harvesting of treetop mistletoe by shotgun makes perfect sense. "A shotgun is the quickest and most efficient way," said Crabbe. "Unless you want to climb the tree and pick it." That's the logic Richard Robinson apparently applied Sunday, when he was spotted with a shotgun near North DeKalb Mall. "Robinson was firing into the trees in an attempt to get mistletoe out," said DeKalb police spokeswoman Mekka Parish. "To decorate his home for Christmas." Police arrested Robinson on charges of illegally discharging a weapon and reckless conduct. The police report says "He said he does this every year, but never in the mall parking lot. The suspect was surprised he was getting arrested." Christmas is a holiday that thrives on tradition. William Robinson's tale is one of a holiday tradition gone slightly awry. "The mall? Not the best place to go shoot mistletoe out of the trees," said Crabbe.
Tech Support Pits: From: Marion Re: Missing Address Bar Dear Webby, PLEASE,HELP ME GET MY ADDRESS BAR BACK AT THE TOP OF PAGE.I HAVE A PLACE TO SEACH BUT I WANT A ADDRESS BAR. MARION Dear Marion First, make sure your address bar is turned on: VIEW TOOLBARS Address bar then have a look to the right side of the browser top. You will see a | like a sliding door handle. Pull that to the left. Your address bar is behind that sliding door. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A couple are asleep in their bed late one night, when the wife thinks she hears a noise downstairs. She nudges her husband and whispers, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" he asks. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" says the husband.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "Swap Not Shop" Event for Christmas Swapping is better than Shopping! Instead of trying to work out how much you can get away with spending this Christmas, why not get friends, neighbors, and family organized and hold a pre-Christmas "Swap not Shop" event. It is fun, will help clear clutter from you house, and most importantly, can save some serious cash! http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A passenger jet is taxiing down the runway when it stops abruptly, turns around and returns to the gate. After an hour-long wait, the plane finally pulls out again, rolls down the runway and takes off. A concerned passenger asks the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the attendant explains, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot." --------------- No kidding, but something similar happened to me on Sept 14, 2001, the first day the planes flew again after 9/11. After the plane was loaded and everybody was seated with their seatbelts on, Air Canada found out that the pilot had chickened out and deserted. We sat there in the plane at the gate for over two hours until they found a pilot, who was willing to fly.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
» Tanganyika





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Eliminate an address from Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 8

Is the sun getting ready to 'splode?


Nah.Don't worry, and don't let the Algorians spook you. 
Solar filters have become more affordable and photographers 
and astronomers are getting better pictures of what has been
going on for billions of years.

They use not only very special filters, but also very special lenses,
that shrink the blocked center and zoom everything else. That is 
how you get those dramatic solar flares flying far out, instead of
being just a tame peach fuzz.

That not only makes much prettier pictures, but also helps
with studying the flares and trying to match solar activity to
actual weather. So far, they are still floundering and flopping
about that like a caught fish in a canoe, because they are 
trying to assign more significance, than there is, but in a few 
years they might be able to contribute to weather forecasts.

Unlike CO2, which is just a passive indicator or illustrator
of cyclic changes, solar weather does have a contributing
influence on the weather on earth. The key word, though,
is CONTRIBUTING, not causing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. --- King Edward VIII Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take. --- Lothar Kaul If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's consulting; if you actually use either one, it's a miracle. --- Socratex
Baseball in the Bible? It all started "In the Big Inning." Eve stole first. Adam stole second. Abraham made a sacrifice. Jacob struck out. The prodigal son made a home run. Everybody played baseball until the fall of the Roam Umpire.
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the Mercedes, that I had stolen."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heather Lynn Mayo, 33 in Palm Harbor, FL Woman's call to deputies leads to her arrest in fatal Pinellas Park hit-and-run Heather Lynn Mayo called the Pinellas Sheriff's Office on Monday night and asked deputies to come kick her boyfriend out of their apartment. But it was Mayo who ended up leaving in handcuffs, authorities said, after her boyfriend revealed that the 33-year-old mother was the driver in a fatal hit-and-run crash 10 months ago in Pinellas Park. Mayo's own call to authorities ended up implicating her in the Feb. 4 death of Jeannie Fisher, who died three days before her 51st birthday. Fisher was walking east across northbound 66th Street N when she was hit and fatally injured in the center lane near the 9700 block, according to police. All Pinellas Park police knew then was that Fisher was struck by a Ford truck, possibly an SUV, that lost its passenger side mirror and front turn signal. But the case went cold for 10 months — until Monday evening. Mayo called deputies to remove her boyfriend, Robert Worden, according to the Sheriff's Office. He had just gotten out of the county jail after serving 40 days for obtaining property with a worthless check. Mayo said she was scared of him. Worden, 34, said he just wanted to see his 7-year-old daughter. The boyfriend agreed to leave his Palm Harbor apartment. But as Worden walked out with the deputies, he pointed to a damaged black 1997 Ford Ranger in the apartment complex parking lot. Worden told deputies that Mayo borrowed a neighbor's pickup on Feb. 4 to drive to Pinellas Park to buy marijuana, authorities said. That night, Worden told deputies, he said Mayo texted him that she had struck a deer. Then, weeks later, Worden told deputies, that Mayo told him that she had actually hit someone on 66th Street N. Mayo knew the person was dead, according to Worden, but was too scared of going to jail to stop. The pedestrian had violated the driver's right of way that night, according to police. But under Florida law, police said, the driver had a legal obligation to stop and identify herself. After Worden told deputies what he knew Monday night, the Sheriff's Office called the Pinellas Park Police Department, which sent officers to Palm Harbor to question Mayo. She confessed, according to police, and was arrested. When Pinellas Park police inspected the Ford Ranger they got their second break in the case that night: the neighbor's truck was still damaged and still missing parts. No repairs were made in the 10 months after the fatal crash. "We found pieces of the turn signal and the passenger side mirror at the scene (of Fisher's death)," said Pinellas Park police Sgt. Brian Unmisig, "and they matched the parts that the vehicle was missing." Mayo was also arrested on a warrant for driving with a suspended or revoked license. According to state records, her license was suspended in 2009 and 2010 for failing to pay traffic fines and last year she was cited for DUI. She was booked into the Pinellas jail, where she was being held Tuesday in lieu of $52,250 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Eliminate an address from Gmail Dear Webby, I have two problems; 1. My wife has Vista Home. She has Gmail as one of her email accounts. She wants to delete the program, but Vista does not have Delete/Add option in the control panel. How does she delete Gmail from her computer? 2. I have Windows XP SP3 and want to delete her email address from my gmail address book. I have searched the gmail program and cannot delete her address. Please help. Thank you. Daily Voter Bob Dear Bob 1) Gmail is not on her computer. She accesses it with a browser. There is nothing to uninstall. She can make a different email program her default email program. Depending on what program she wants to make the default email program, that is usually done from that program, and information on how to do it is available in the Help of that particular program. 2) To edit or delete a contact, open your Contacts list by clicking Contacts on the side of any page. Or, if you if you want to make changes to your Google Account's contacts without loading Gmail, you can use the standalone Contact Manager at https://www.google.com/contacts. To delete a contact: Select the contact in the Contacts list. Under the More actions drop-down menu, click Delete Contact. If you change your mind or mistakenly delete a contact, you'll be able to recover deleted contacts for 30 days. But 30 days after you delete a contact, it will be removed permanently. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Thread When Sewing Buttons To make sewing a button on easier and much faster, cut a long piece of thread. Select a needle with a bit larger than usual eye and double the thread in half. Thread the doubled end through the eye and now you have 4 strands of thread to work with. When you make the knot, you will be tying the 4 strands together. Twice the amount of thread to sew with and fewer stitches through the button. By banty from Chatom, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If the button is not for a delicate granny's blouse, but for pants or shirt of a rambunctious boy or man, use Dental Floss! Yes, ordinary or waxed Dental Floss. No need to double or lengthen the thread, since it is a hundred times stronger than thread. Focus on spreading the landing area on the fabric and try to have each stitch go through a fresh spot. Dental floss is stronger than the fabric, so for maximum strength, spread the load. Dental Floss also works fine for patching backpacks, tents, and sled dog harnesses. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A state legislator is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife, who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House, my dear," her husband says. "In the Senate, sure, but in the House nobody ever got caught!"
» Wind & Waves





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Politically correct 

A Politically Correct Greeting For My NDP and Liberal Friends



Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.



I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Canada great. Not to imply that Canada is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only Canada in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.



To My Conservative Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!



That should cover it…….



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Force Gmail to ask for password 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 7

Thank you Ron!
I will definitely make a bigger effort to find or guess the location
of pictures!

From Dr Bill:
MALE Urine is a commonly used rude antiseptic, and this cure 
will definitely help - good for getting rid of lice in the hair, and 
commonly used in early warfare - certainly as recently as the
 desert war in WWI (cf Lawrence of Arabia) - I grew up in the 
rural south where many old, and proven methods were still
 common knowledge among "folks" - what a schock when 
we moved to Calif. during the War and I discovered everybody 
ate Dinner in the back yard, and went to the bathroom in MALE Urine is a commonly used rude antiseptic, and this cure will definitely help - good for getting rid of lice in the hair, and commonly used in early warfare - certainly as recently as the desert war in WWI (cf Lawrence of Arabia) - I grew up in the rural south where many old, and proven methods were still common knowledge among "folks" - what a schock when we moved to Calif. during the War and I discovered everybody ate Dinner in the back yard, and went to the bathroom in House!
House!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. --- Andre Maurois The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not. ---George Bernard Shaw The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary colored paint," he says. "Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it"? "My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!" "No, they won't," Jim replies. "Listen, buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on!" says Jim. Two days later, Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk. "So, the paint killed your bird"? "Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
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Thanks to all who sent this info! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Anthony Miranda Robber gets beate up and shot BS) CHICAGO - A convicted felon is in bad shape after a robbery gone wrong. The man he attempted to hold up turned out to be an martial arts expert and ultimate fighter. CBS Chicago reports that around 11:30 p.m. Friday, Anthony Miranda walked up to a car and asked the driver for a lighter. The driver said he didn't have one, and Miranda allegedly pulled a handgun and demanded money. Police say even after the driver gave up his money, Miranda told him to get out of the car. While Miranda's attention strayed for a moment, the victim grabbed control of the gun, causing Miranda to shoot himself in the ankle. Officers say the victim told them he is a martial arts expert and ultimate fighter. He was able to pin Miranda down until law enforcement arrived, finding the robber with cuts and bruises on his face. He was taken to a local hospital for treatment. The mug shot is from after he got cleaned up at the hospital. According to police, Miranda is a convicted felon. He is charged with armed robbery and aggravated discharge of a firearm. As of Sunday, he was being held on $350,000 bond, according to the Cook County Sheriff's office.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Force Gmail to ask for password Dear Webby, knower of all things Gmail - I clicked the wrong thing one day & now when I access Gmail my address & password are right there - how do I undo that so I do have to sign in every time? Thanks a bunch. Bonnie Dear Bonnie There are only about as many remedies, as there are different browsers. However, the problem is due to purposely or accidentally telling the browser to remember your password for 30 days. Naturally, that is not a good idea for your at-work machine, especially if you have an extensive collection of mail about something, that is frowned upon at work, like fattening lunches. For FireFox: Click the Tools menu at the top of your browser, and select Options. Select the Security tab. Uncheck the option Remember passwords for sites. Press OK. For Google Chrome: Click the Tools menu Select Clear browsing data. Select Empty the cache and Delete cookies. Click Clear browsing data. For Internet Explorer 7: Click the Tools menu at the top of your browser, and select Internet Options. Open the Content tab at the top of the dialogue box. Click AutoComplete, then Settings button, and uncheck the User names and passwords on forms and Prompt me to save passwords boxes. Click OK. For other browsers it will probably be similar. Have FUN! DearWebby
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This was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando. "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Pullout Shelves for Cupboards My cupboards are very large and deep, so it's difficult to reach or see and then retrieve, what is on the shelves toward the back. I found that medium to large cardboard box lids, plastic lids up to 4 inch depth - even containers of all sizes work. Place the items on the lid that you have placed on the shelf and pull the front edge of the lid toward you. Voila! You now have a sliding, pull-out shelf that costs next to nothing and you can see and retrieve items with greater ease! Try a few sizes and settle on the one that works best. I found sizes that use up most of the shelf space, or only what you want for that shelf. I used this technique with smaller lids and containers when we were full time RVers. By Eileen from Big Bear Lake, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Oliver was attending his first Sunday school class. "Do you say your prayers before eating?" his teacher asked. "I don't have to," the boy said, "Since mom blew up the stove, dad is cooking."

» Pearl harbor Dec 7, 1941






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Creating PayPal buttons 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 6

Thanks Gordon!

Re the Thrush, Shirley sent this:
I remember my grandma telling about one of her babies having 
thrush. The old country doctor told her that as long as it 
was a boy, she should wipe out his mouth with the corner 
of his wet diaper. Girl urine was not suitable.
Thought you might get a charge out of this info.
Shirley

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. --- William Hazlitt
Thanks to Nana for this one: When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure. When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure. When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems. When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends. --------- I sure am glad she did not mention coffee!
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Thanks to Dr Bill for reminding me of this one: A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the Monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amado Cardenas, 45, Stock Island, Florida Man trashes wrong apartment Not sure what the worst part of Amado Cardenas' burglary is -- the fact that he broke into the wrong apartment or the fact that the woman who lived there tried to wake him up the next morning because he'd passed out on the floor. According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, a woman returned to her Stock Island apartment around 7 a.m. Wednesday and found Cardenas, 45, fast asleep on the living-room floor. Aside from the fact that the woman found a stranger sleeping in her home, she also had to phone the cops because Cardenas wouldn't wake up. Cardenas was arrested, and police say the woman's apartment was "disturbed." "Cardenas had helped himself to alcoholic beverages, gone through her drawers, and taken cash and medications from her," MCSO Deputy Becky Herrin says. "He had also tried to take her flat-screen television off of the wall." After allegedly rummaging through the woman's stuff and pocketing some of it before having some drinks and calling it a night on the floor, police asked Cardenas what exactly he was doing. According to the cops, Cardenas said he thought he was at his ex-girlfriend's place. It may sound like a crappy excuse, but the sheriff's office says his ex-girlfriend actually does live next door to the woman, however, that was not accepted as a legitimate excuse and Cardenas was booked into jail on burglary and theft charges.
Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn Re: PayPal buttons Dear Webby I am trying to generate some PayPal buttons, but wind up with just a URL. That of course does not work. What am I doing wrong? Glenn Glenn, you can't do that with your phone while sitting at Hooters. You have to use a real compluter, so that you see all the code between <.form action and <./form> Then you can upload that or email it to me, and I will put it on your site. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Eggs Until a good friend shared this tip with me, I did not know that fresh eggs can be whisked together and frozen for up to six months. I have been doing this for over a year now. I buy large eggs when they are on sale in the 18 pack cartons. I keep out about six for use in the fridge and then whisk together whites and yolks of the remaining 12 eggs until just combined. I then measure them into my ice ice-cube trays, using 3 Tbsp. of the mixture per segment (3 Tbsp. is equivalent to 1 large egg). Freeze them until solid, then transfer the cubes to a freezer bag for up to 6 months. Don't forget to date the freezer bag. When ready to use take out one or more and thaw in the refrigerator. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. The golf pro says they do, and they are $1.00. The guy gives the golf pro a dollar... The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in and hands him a quarter.

» Worlds Biggest ChooChoo Set






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Infrequently used printer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 5

Thanks for all the tips re thrush. I doubt I get a doctor's 
appointment in less than two weeks, but I definitely can
use Hydrogen peroxide and get some Cilantro from
the store. Did you know, that cilantro, Italian parsley, 
gets rid of the heavy metals, that are used as dye in 
angiograms angioplasty and similar medical procedures?
They sure don't tell you that in the hospital!

Today the sun set at 4:15 at exactly South-West. 
In just two weeks and a bit, the days will start to get 
longer again.

Hopefully the economy will pick up soon too. This 
starving writer career is getting rather tiring.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac --------------- hmmm,... I must be immune to that vaccination.
There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game. One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, "I've been trying to beat you for so long that I'm about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if you're game, I'd like to try to get back all the money I've lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?" The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. "After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?" he thought. Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole. The guy turns to his friend and says "That's incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. But, you know what, I've seen enough. I've got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine. You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from. I need a drink, better make it a double, and I'll write you a check." After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, "By the way, how's that gorilla's putting?" The other guy replies, "Same as his driving." "That good, huh?" "No, I mean, he hits putts the same way - 450 yards, right down the middle!"
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again the answer was,"NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again. Once more they all answered, "NO!" "Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "Then how can I get into heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, FL Octogenarian convicted of faking breast exams FORT LAUDERDALE (CBSMiami.com) - A Broward man accused in a phony breast exam scheme will serve a little more than one year in jail as part of a plea deal reached with prosecutors. Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, was also sentenced to two years of community control and has to register as a sex offender for 15 years. Prosecutors said he posed as a doctor and offered door-to-door breast exams at a Lauderdale Lakes apartment complex in 2006. Investigators said two women took him up on the offer and realized something was wrong after the exams started. Winikoff had faced upwards of 55 years in prison if he had been convicted of sexual battery and practicing medicine without a license. There are no mugshots of the two women, who fell for the prank and complained to the cops.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Infrequently used printer Dear Webby I don't know if the word "infrequently" is the right one for my situation. I use my printer once a month, but when I do, then I use it all day long for two days. Naturally, printers don't like that and the first couple hours I struggle to get it to print right. What is the solution? Elaine Dear Elaine SOME printers don't like that. If you insist on using a cheap ink squirter and cussing at it every month, get on good terms with a good ink supplier like Atlantic InkJet and arrange auto-shipments of ink. No, don't buy a year's worth, arrange auto-shipment of FRESH ink once a month. From Atlantic InkJet you get actually fresh cartridges, not some, that have been drying out on a shelf at Walmart for a year. The alternative is to get a laser printer. They don't pout if you ignore them for a month, or a year, since they use a dry powder instead of liquid ink. Another benefit of laserprinters is that they are true page printers, and always have been. There is no slow one line at a time grunting, it just spits out a batch of pages like photocopiers do. Plain black lasers are under $100, and you can get toner for them from Atlantic InkJet too. Replacing toner is not a messy affair and you don't need protective clothing and gloves. You simply pop out the empty cartridge and stick in a new one. Nothing spills and nobody gets dirty. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, you don't understand!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shaving Tips When shaving, first I use an electric shaver. Before I finish up with a straight razor, I use some moisturizer on my face. It eliminates razor burns and cuts. It really works quite well. By Garyblue from Knoxville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America. Little Johnny: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Little Johnny!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who do shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, that has to go.

» Snow Palace







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I'm Trying To Offend 

If any of these jokes offend you, my work is done

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went back to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4,000 dumbass Muslims have added me as a friend!!




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What kind of bird? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 4

Looks like I picked up a case of thrush at the hospital. Tongue
burning as if scalded with too hot coffee, but looking whiteish,
and food tasting awful. Dianne told me on Skype, that is 
called thrush and a yeast infection of the tongue, and requires a
prescription antibiotic quickly. Guess I will gargle with 
Hydrogen Peroxide until I can get a doctor's appointment,
unless one of you knows of an effective home remedy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw
A clerk in a bakery notices a customer carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. "What would you like?" the clerk asks. "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish," the customer says. With a sigh he adds, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
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Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 12,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elyse De Stefano Lorain man accused of trying to steal Amherst police car AMHERST, Ohio - Officers arrested a Lorain man they say tried to steal an Amherst police car on Tuesday. The incident happened outside the police station just before 7 p.m. while an officer was leaving to check on a car crash. According to a news release from the Amherst Police Department, the officer noticed a man sitting in the driver’s seat of police car 107 with the doors locked. Officers tried to unlock the cruiser’s doors, but were unable to remove the man from the car. Police said the man, 38-year-old Peter Theado, of Lorain, used the computer inside the cruiser and the police radio to ask dispatch how to put the car in gear. Theado told officers he wanted to take the car out on “patrol” to protect the people of Amherst, the news release said. He then told police that he wanted to be a police officer, but was disappointed that he couldn’t get the car in drive, Amherst police said. The police department said the cruiser was not running at the time. The keys were inside, but the car has a security system. Theado was charged with criminal trespassing, attempted grand theft, obstruction of official business and unauthorized use of a police computer. He was taken to the Lorain County Correctional Facility.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: What kind of bird did Ophelia have on Saturday? Forwarded by Ophelia: Just curious, I've never seen birds like the one in your newsletter today. Do you know what kind of bird they are? Ruth Dear Ruth I wrote to Sandie and she gave me the correct info: It is a Mandarin Duck (Aix galericulata) Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," groans the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." -------------- If that happens to you, and you get the typical infected and lime aggravated wounds from working with concrete or concrete blocks, do the dishes! Soapy, hot dishwater and a bit of dissolved grease and gravy will heal the hands faster than anything!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Your Children's Bath Toys Every 4-6 months, I clean my kids' bath toys because of a scummy buildup. After their evening bath, I soak all the toys in a mild solution of bleach water until the next afternoon (the bleach does not fade the toys). Be sure to squeeze out the toys first (you may be amazed or disgusted at what comes out!), so the clean water can fill them. Sometimes they need a little brushing in the crevices with an old toothbrush. Rinse them in warm water, being sure to squeeze each toy again to remove the bleach water collected inside. By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mrs. Monroe was scheduled to fly from Michigan to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. She told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at her very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."

» Christmas Train







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