Top Ten Gifts Your Husband Doesn't Want For Christmas 

10. Anne of Avonlea/Anne of Green Gables Collectors Edition
     with 74 minutes of extra footage

9. Any knick-knack

8. Tickets to the ballet

7. Another new tie

6. A Bath and Body Works Soap Basket

5. New teddy bear pajamas

4. Vacuum cleaner

3. A weekend seminar on "Getting in Touch With Your Feelings"

2. Pair of fuzzy bunny slippers

1. A nose and ear hair trimmer (OK, well maybe.)



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, December 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Re those power plugs mentioned yesterday, if you can't find 
them at your favorite hardware or electronics store, you can 
order them from igo.com: http://tinyurl.com/powplug, 
for considerably more money, though.

RadioShack has a neat package of five different adaptors
for $13, that should set you up for just about any country 
in the world: http://tinyurl.com/5powplugs

Your best bet, though, is to look up what kind of plug the
destination country uses, and then buy one or two adaptors
for just that country. 

I also have a 6-outlet power bar with a removeable plug,
instead of the cheap, molded on plug, and have on occasion
bought a cheap replacement plug at a local corner store 
and temporarily put that one onto the power bar cord.

If you don't like messing with extension cord plugs, the
staff at most hotels and motels will gladly take care of that.
Outside the US, they are usually not former HP support 
Taliban, and quite helpful.

Don't worry about the voltage and the frequency. Laptops
and cameras nowadays run at 5 - 36 Volt DC, and the
power has to be transformed down to that and rectified
into DC. Your laptop doesn't know or care, if the original
power was 60 cycle or 50 cycle, or whether it started out
as 220 Volt or 110 Volt. 

Just don't mix up your adaptors! Use some paint to color
code them! To hell with fashion, slop on bright yellow on
the adaptor and cables for the laptop, bright red for camera,
and so on. Especially if you have a Toshiba, using a wrong 
charger will kill the motherboard. To sell more laptops or
at least motherboards, they put a fusible link, or something like
that, deep into the motherboard, to kill it, if you use a 
Non-Toshiba or wrong model charger. Since that leads to 
extreme cussing, slop on the paint and avoid that problem.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water." --- Franklin P. Jones Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true. --- Sir Winston Churchill
Betty-Sue passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?" -------------------- For a similar reason, NO drunk and passed out student was EVER arrested near the Shattenburg pub on Gymnasium street, in the town, where I went to college and university. Lots of them woke up with drag marks, though, and had apparently been found and arrested on Main Street.
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!
Don't worry about messing up on those great chocolate recipes and gaining a pound. You won't because of THOSE! They are fool-proof. However, since you are likely to gain a few pounds between now and the time you make your new Year's resolutions, just because of the unhealthy stuff other people foist upon you, I will bring back the Guilt-Free Cooking link on New Year's Day, and keep it up there for a week. In case you REALLY cram on the pounds, or meet somebody, whom you want to impress, I still got access to the Fat Burning Furnace method, and will bring that link back on Jan 1 as well. So, enjoy the holidays and don't worry!
A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a stop sign, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elina Sarkisian, 22, in Skokie, Illinois Dopey woman reported hallucinated home invasion A woman who called police claiming she was the victim of a home invasion was arrested herself after police found the heroin she’d been doing when she ‘hallucinated’ the people in her home Friday in north suburban Skokie. Officers responded to a possible home invasion at 1:30 p.m. in the 9500 block of Leamington Street, when resident Elina Sarkisian told authorities there were two unwanted people inside her home, according to Skokie Police Sgt. David Pawlak. Sarkisian, 22, came outside while officers surrounded the home and searched it, Pawlak said. No one was inside, but police did discover an off-white powdery substance suspected to be heroin on her kitchen counter, divided into three lines. A pipe and cocaine was also found, Pawlak said. When she reentered the home, she told police that there had been ten people inside the home that she didn’t recognize and confessed to using drugs. “She said she’d smoked crack cocaine earlier in the day and used heroin to bring her back down,’’ said Pawlak. “She said she believed she 'hallucinated' the two subjects and they were not real.’’ She was booked into Cook County Jail on Dec. 17 after a judge ordered her held on $50,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Art Re: How do I make my own icons? Dear Webby How do I make my own icons? Art Dear Art Theoretically there are some extremely confusing rules and regulations intended to ensure, that icons work the same at any size and resolution and version of windows. Don't bother studying those, they don't work. Instead just paint your icons with ANY graphics program. Yes ANY. No need for PSP or GIMP or Photoshop. Even the included MS-PAINT will do. Paint the icons as big as you want them to be, for example 32 x 32. Make an easy to find folder, for example c:\ico and save them as .bmp to that folder. Once they are saved, close your graphics program, go to that icon folder, and rename them from .bmp to .ico That's all there is to it. Now you can assign them as icons to any program or shortcut. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, "Mommy, the woman in the white house down the street asked my name today!" "Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?" "Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Canning Jars to Start Cuttings Instead of buying a plant for a birthday or housewarming gift, grow one. I have a few old canning jars in my kitchen window, and I grow new plants in water from clippings of older plants. When it has new roots I plant it in dirt and give a homemade gift that will last a long time. By Georgjeana from Tallmadge, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Jill work, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on a yellow allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine Jill's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked it be turned down because he was too hot, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
A man was telling a friend about a nudist party he'd been invited to. "I rang the bell and the nudist butler opened the door." he stated. His friend interrupted, "How did you know it was the butler?" "Well, he answered smoothly, I could tell at the first glance, that it wasn't the maid."
» Christmas Around the World





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Working while away from the office 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 22

It is still snowing.
Tomorrow I'm going to go walking, anywhere, wherever. 
This sitting around waiting for better weather is not 
good for my health. 

The roads have been plowed, mostly onto the  sidewalks,
but from what little bit I have seen, it seems to be OK to
walk on the roads. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream. --- Malcom Muggeridge It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. --- Harry S Truman
Here is a classic joke that taught me to stop properly at stop signs, and grin. I first heard it from the driver's license examiner in the Yukon in 1970. A police officer pulled over a red Corvette after it had run a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please?" "What's the problem, officer?" "You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection." "Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me". "Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution." "You gotta be kidding me!" "It's no joke, sir". "Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution." "That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..." "You've sure got a lot of time on your hands. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?" "Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately!" "I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop." "Sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to perform a spirited drum solo on him with his nightstick and long flashlight. "Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Get the Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes!

The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michael Pratt, 27, Florida Man Stole Woman's Car During Movie Date The 27-year-old Floridian was on a movie date last week with Sarah Bush, 35, when he asked for her car keys so that he could retrieve something from the vehicle. Bush gave him the keys and went back to watching “Immortals” (Pratt had paid for the movie tickets, while Bush shelled out for a nacho combo). However, Pratt--who had been dating Bush for two weeks-- never returned to the Cobb Theater in Wesley Chapel. When Bush departed, she realized that her rented Ford Focus had been stolen. When she called Pratt, he left no doubt about the whereabouts of her wheels: “Ha ha I stole your car,” he said, according to a Pasco County Sheriff’s Office report. The vehicle, owned by Enterprise Rent-A-Car, was recovered Sunday in a Walmart parking lot after Pratt called Bush and told her where he abandoned the $13,000 vehicle. When cops caught up with Pratt Wednesday he copped to swiping the car and leaving it at the Walmart in New Port Richey. As a result, he was arrested for felony grand theft and booked into the Pasco County lockup in lieu of $5000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Anita Re: Working while away from the office Dear Webby, You seem to be able to work while travelling. I have been trying to convince my husband that it can be done just as easy as working from home, at least for the time necessary for a trip to the USA. What kinds of preparations would you recommend? Thanks Anita Dear Anita Get a power bar, that allows you to plug in ALL of your stuff, laptop charger, printer, camera, shaver, etc. Ideal is a power bar with a cord, not one that plugs in directly. Then get a flat blade plug adapter like this: North America uses flat blade plugs. Normally, there is a third prong for the ground, but since laptops and small accessories don't utilize the ground anyway, (they usually work at the 5 Volt DC USB level nowadays), you don't have to worry about that. Those compact two-prong adapters are cheap, usually around a dollar, and they work perfectly fine for anything to do with computers and cameras and any small appliance. If somebody tries to tell you, that you need expensive three prong adapters for small appliances, feel free to tell them where to stick those. With the more efficient North American 60 cycle system, one of the two blades is a little bit wider. That is the "Identified" or "GroundED" conductor. If you hear somebody emphasise the ED in "GroundED", then you are talking to an electrician or electrical engineer. That prong is NOT the ground, but the white or identified wire, that is groundED in the breaker panel. Even though it is not a proper ground, since it carries return current, it is close enough for small appliances. For high power use appliances like clothes irons, hair driers, etc., you have to buy them at a local store. Those can't operate on the different voltage, but are quite cheap. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Egg Cartons For Craft Organization I save egg cartons of both kinds, cardboard and Styrofoam. I use the bottom of all sizes in the Styrofoam to use when I do watercolor painting. They can be used for any painting medium and also for crafting. I use them and then toss them out after my day of painting for mixing colors. You can also either the Styrofoam or cardboard cartons for all sorts of crafting or sewing, for storing beads for Jewelry making, for any kind of small items to keep you organized. By handbaglady from Manahawkin, NJ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone. "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bill for this story: The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water.
» Zebulon





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Auto-Responders 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 21
Happy Hanukkah!

There is no Gullible Warming in Europe either. It is still
snowing, though some Foehn, their equivalent of our Chinook,
is forecast for Christmas.

Large parts of Europe still believe in Gullible Warming, 
or use that hoax as an excuse for not being prepared to clear
snow like they used to, before the warming ripple.

Of course, the older people claim, that they always used to
get a lot of snow now and then, but that in THEIR days,
there was a lot less incompetence and laziness.
Hmmmm, seems I have heard that before.

The Algorians now claim that Gullible Warming causes colder
weather. And the old folks claim it causes general incompetence
and laziness. I wonder if I could get a grant to study that, 
or wether I would have to become a Democrat first?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. --- Mohandas Gandhi
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
Secret Restaurant Recipes Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers. Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free Enjoy the Secret Recipes

"I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist." "Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman."
From Guinn re yesterday's picture: Hi, Webby. The falls picture in today's Webby column Is Multnoma Falls, just a few miles east of Portland, Oregon and was the subject of my first landscape picture, way back in 1946! I took my picture with a Kodak Bantam but did not smear the water this much, which made for a better picture. Guinn Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Simone Paolercio, 39, Lakeland, Florida Lakeland teacher Simone Paolercio arrested for battery on McDonald's employee LAKELAND, Florida -- The Polk County Sheriff's Office has arrested a Lakeland teacher for battery after she allegedly threw food at a McDonald's employee. According to investigators, 39-year-old Simone Paolercio was in the drive-thru of a McDonald's on South Florida Avenue Saturday morning when she got into a dispute with the window attendant over her order. They say Paolercio demanded a refund. When the manager refused, she allegedly threw the food through the window, striking the attendant in the face and chest. Paolercio fled the restaurant in her car. The incident was of course captured on store video surveillance. Paolercio was located by deputies at her home, arrested without incident, and booked into the Polk County Jail on a battery charge. She told deputies she is currently a teacher at Lakeland Highlands Middle School.
Tech Support Pits: From: Susan Re: Auto-Repondres Dear Webby, Hi there, your daily letter is not only funny but invariably useful tech-wise! As always, many thanks (and a question, of course)! Is there an auto-responder software that you recommend? I only want it for the two months this summer when we will be out of the country and away from e-mail (yay). Any thoughts on this will be much appreciated! Thanks, Susan Dear Susan How do YOU feel aubout the nuisance auto-crappers of pretentious snoots, who act as if you care whether or not they answer immediately or three weeks later? Has it ever occurred to you, that other people feel exactly the same way about it, and many of them use their MailWasher to not only filter them into the trash, unseen, on the server, without even downloading them, but they also black-list the address, that had sent the auto-crappers. Yes, the reason I call them that, is because a few Thousand readers do that, and I don't want their anti-spam programs to blacklist me. Just send ONE email to your friends and acquaintances, and tell them, that you will be away from your regular computer until your return date. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Old Johann Muller was a minister in a small German town. He had always been a good man and lived by the Bible. One day God decided to reward him, with the answer to any three questions Johann Muller would like to ask. Old Johann Muller did not need much time to consider, and the first question was: "Will there ever be married Catholic priests?" God promptly replied: "Not in your life-time." Johann Muller thought for a while, and then came up with the second question: "what about female priests then, will we have those one day?" Again God had to disappoint Old Johann Muller: "Not in your life-time, I'm afraid." Johann Muller was sorry to hear that, and he decided to drop the subject. After having though for a while, he asked the last question: "Will there ever be another German pope?" God answered quickly and with a firm voice, "Not in My life time."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Lids Work as Small Dry Eraser Boards Margarine or butter container lids make great dry erase boards. You can use washable markers on them or dry erase markers on them. I cut the rim off of the top of the margarine container lid, made a hole with an icepick and then put a twist tie through the hole and then clothes pinned it to the kitchen blinds. By Robyn from Hampton http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. The attorney asked:"Was the deceased in the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said Kelly. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Bozo," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
» Mrs Claus's Kitchen





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Is your email hacked, or just normal spam ?  



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 20

Christmas is sneaking up on us!
Time to start panicking!

Yesterday I wanted to show somebody Walmartians.com,.
and got a nasty surprise. The site was shut down and the domain 
name is up for auction by GoDaddy. 

Don't fall for their "Domain Buy" deal for $69. That does not 
get you the domain, just some basic informaton and maybe 
their guesses, how high the eventual auction will likely go. 

I have to say this for GoDaddy: If you do fall for that $69 "deal",
and demand your money back, they refund quickly and without
any argument.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. --- G. K. Chesterton
A young man from the city goes to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle shows him the usual things, the livestock, the crops. After three days, however, it is obvious that the nephew is getting bored, and the uncle is running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle has an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seems to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he goes. After a few hours, the nephew returns. "How did you enjoy that?" his uncle asks. "It was great," the nephew says. "I kinda like those dogs, so I took the cats instead. Got any more cats?"
Secret Restaurant Recipes Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers. Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free Enjoy the Secret Recipes

At the barbecue a lady stood up and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations. At the stroke of nine, she wanted every man to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The poor bartender was almost crushed to death.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Korin Vanhouten, 47 and Eldon Alexander, 36 in Ogden, Utah 2 discover their vehicle was burglarized while they were shoplifting OGDEN — Two people cited for shoplifting became victims of a crime themselves. While they were questioned in the shoplifting case, police say someone broke into their vehicle and stole a stereo and several other items. It happened about 5 p.m. Thursday at the WinCo Foods at the corner of Wall and 12th Street in Ogden. “Store security had the individuals in custody, in their office,” Ogden Police Lt. Eric Young said. “They had reviewed surveillance video and recovered stolen property from the suspects.” Police say Eldon Alexander, 36, and 47-year-old Korin Vanhouten tried to walk out of the store with several small-ticket items like makeup, energy bars and batteries. They were cited for shoplifting and let go. But as the officer started to leave, “He sees the two suspects trying to flag him down in the parking lot,” Young said, “and he goes over to their location and realizes that their vehicle has actually been burglarized.” From a distance, surveillance video caught what appears to be a man in a red sweater scoping out Alexander's truck and he eventually gets inside. "They ended up having their stereo and amplifier, a drum machine and some cigarettes stolen from their vehicle," Young said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Roy Re: Email hacked? Dear Webby, Some scammer has hacked my e-mail account and is sending spam to my list. These e-mails are not from me, and I am getting it sorted out with Rogers now. I am Sorry about that. Hope all is well with you and you are having a great holiday season. Roy Dear Roy Don't panic. I did not receive any spam with your address as the FROM address. You simply got mail, that had the same address forged into the FROM slot as the TO slot. If you ever sent an email to a yahoo, then you got to expect that. How many hundred times have I mentioned how you can make a very simple filter with MailWasher, to nuke spam like that, in the dark, on the server, unseen by any human? You simply make a filter that, IF the FROM address CONTAINS (your address) AND the TO address CONTAINS ( your address) AND the SUBJECT DOES NOT CONTAIN ~ THEN delete the message on the server, automatically, without showing it in the list. You don't have to type all that, most of it is just simple pull-down selections. The third citeria, the ~ in the subject line, is so that YOU can send mail to yourself, if you want to use that method to quickly save something. Spammers don't know about your secret back-door key to get around that filter. You can, of course, use any secret character, that spammers are not likely to use. Like that, you can make as many filters as you want. Whenever you notice some kind of pattern or peculiarity, make a filter, and nuke the nuisances, unseen. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young minister, in his first days at his first parish, is obliged to conduct the funeral services for an eccentric man who has just died. At he funeral home, he stands before the open casket and tries to think of words to console the widow. Finally, the minister says, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is only the husk, the shell. The nut has gone to heaven."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mix Nail Polish Colors for a Custom Look Are you almost out of your favorite color of nail polish and can't afford to buy more this week? Then just get 2 bottles of different colors you have already, and mix them together to make a new color. Don't add any polish remover to it though, it will ruin it. I do this when I get low on polish, and it works fine. Try it. By Laurie from OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The two women just won't leave the poor man alone. His mother-in-law yells, "You're driving too fast!" His wife screams, "Stay to the right!" After several more orders from both of them the man breaks down and barks at his wife, "Who's driving this car anyway, you or your mother?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to all of them!"
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 18

Thank you Svend!

Today I got some of the obligatory in- and outlaw vitisting over
and done with, but very little work done. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. --- Emile Chartier Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids! --- Socratex
An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the Secret Recipes

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28 in Madison, Wisconsin 'Pocket dialed' 911 call leads to easy arrest of two thieves Two Madison men were cited for retail theft Tuesday after a “pocket dial” to 911 provided a live play-by-play of their plans to sell stolen DVDs and computer games at a used video game store on the city’s East Side, police said. According to Madison police, Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28, couldn’t stop talking about their thievery after lifting a bunch of DVDs and computer games from a Target store at 201 Junction Road on the city’s Far West Side at about 5:30 p.m. They yakked, jawed and chortled inside their getaway SUV for 54 minutes, bragging about what they stole, describing the vehicle they were in, and chatting about where they might get the best prices for the stolen merchandise before locking in on the Video X-Change, 3002 Atwood Ave., said police spokesman Joel DeSpain. The two even talked about how police would be looking for a blue Dodge Durango without license plates, so they decided put the plates back on, DeSpain said. When then the pair pulled into a parking lot near the Video X-Change, they noticed a couple of squad cars, DeSpain said. The next thing they knew, several officers, a couple with guns drawn, were yelling, “Police! Show your hands!” Both men were dumbfounded by how police knew exactly where they would be, not knowing one of them had pocket dialed 911 on his cellphone when they got into the SUV after the theft, DeSpain said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Open a NEW window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure ther is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replies indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Magic Eraser in the Shower Keep a white eraser sponge in your shower. After you shower, take 20 seconds to wipe down the walls and floor. You will never get those tough hard water stains that only powerful chemical cleaners remove - or at least far fewer to deal with. Also, the porcelain stays so white and pretty. This takes little effort to do! By susannl from St. Cloud, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with? 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing.
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Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 18

Thank you Svend!

Today I got some of the obligatory in- and outlaw vitisting over
and done with, but very little work done. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. --- Emile Chartier Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids! --- Socratex
An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the Secret Recipes

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28 in Madison, Wisconsin 'Pocket dialed' 911 call leads to easy arrest of two thieves Two Madison men were cited for retail theft Tuesday after a “pocket dial” to 911 provided a live play-by-play of their plans to sell stolen DVDs and computer games at a used video game store on the city’s East Side, police said. According to Madison police, Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28, couldn’t stop talking about their thievery after lifting a bunch of DVDs and computer games from a Target store at 201 Junction Road on the city’s Far West Side at about 5:30 p.m. They yakked, jawed and chortled inside their getaway SUV for 54 minutes, bragging about what they stole, describing the vehicle they were in, and chatting about where they might get the best prices for the stolen merchandise before locking in on the Video X-Change, 3002 Atwood Ave., said police spokesman Joel DeSpain. The two even talked about how police would be looking for a blue Dodge Durango without license plates, so they decided put the plates back on, DeSpain said. When then the pair pulled into a parking lot near the Video X-Change, they noticed a couple of squad cars, DeSpain said. The next thing they knew, several officers, a couple with guns drawn, were yelling, “Police! Show your hands!” Both men were dumbfounded by how police knew exactly where they would be, not knowing one of them had pocket dialed 911 on his cellphone when they got into the SUV after the theft, DeSpain said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Open a NEW window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure ther is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replies indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Magic Eraser in the Shower Keep a white eraser sponge in your shower. After you shower, take 20 seconds to wipe down the walls and floor. You will never get those tough hard water stains that only powerful chemical cleaners remove - or at least far fewer to deal with. Also, the porcelain stays so white and pretty. This takes little effort to do! By susannl from St. Cloud, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with? 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing. >img src="http://webby.com/humor/i/710cap.jpg">
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 15

There may be some irregularities in the near future.
I have traditionally sent out Ophelia's newsletter for her,
using my Magiclist program. No, she is not my daughter,
or granddaughter, I think. Just a good friend and student.

Because she has not gotten any donations since summer,
and almost no sign-ups, she now has to work a second job,
to pay her bills and credit cards. Like me, she had hoped
the economy would recover soon, and like me, she kept 
staff too long, and got too deep into debt. 

Because of her second job, I can't ask her to send out my 
newsletter on time. And why can't I send it myself?
Karolyn, a good friend from my decades in the Arctic,
is moving to the southern US, and used her left-over Canadian
AirMiles to buy me a ticket to go see my dad for Christmas.

Naturally, the flights close to Christmas have been booked 
a year ago. So I am taking off today, Thursday, mid-afternoon.

Well, I am used to packing quickly from the Cactus Safaris,
that I went on every April with my dad for more than 
twenty years. Hunt cacti and drive like a maniac all day long,
do my office work at night, pack in 3 minutes in the morning 
and do it all over again.

Laptop, mouse, external keyboard, external hard drive,
head-set, a stack of socks, some shirts, the good and the 
soft jeans, and the rest should still be in the wheeled
travel case. 
Oh, and the Euro Plug adapter!

Believe it or not, after almost a dozen years not using
them or even looking at them, I was still able to find them.
Surprised myself!
  
So, this afternoon I will be boarding a big Air Canada 767.
The seat is supposedly 25 K. That must be an awfully wide 
plane, or else they have really narrow seats in economy class.
I'll tell you all about it.
.
I will arrive in Frankfurt 9 1/2 hours later around noon, 
their time, then after customs, fly on to Munich.
There I'll take the subway from the airport to the main 
train station and meet my dad there on platform 23.
He is going to travel to Munich and escort me to Austria.
Around 7 or 8 in the evening we should be at his house.

After some polite chat with assorted in- and outlaws, we'll
eat, and then I can try to connect to the net from there,
and send the next Humor Letter out, If I can connect 
properly, and if I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

In the meantime, I will pre-write and prepare up to the
last minute. Any and all plans for Christmas are subject
to revision.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And now a word from our sponsor'. --- Hal Eaton
Thanks to Pam for this one: With her brown eyes and curly hair, our youngest daughter takes after my husband. At three, she was a lively, mischievous girl, and people often remarked on how cute she was. One day I was standing with her in the supermarket when a woman commented on how cute she was. My smile disappeared when she asked, "Is she really yours?"
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the Secret Recipes

- Coed A: "My roommate hogs the TV!" - Coed B: "My roommate keeps borrowing my makeup without asking!" - Coed C: "My roommate keeps stealing my boyfriends before I'm done using them!"
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cheryl Hepner, Man uses iPhone to record mother-in-law's attempt to murder him A man managed to video tape his mother-in-law shooting him on his iPhone, and the footage was enough to prove his "POV" of the incident, vs. hers. Salvatore Miglino, 39, caught the attack on his iPhone Miglino got a bad feeling when he drove up to his mother-in-law's Boca Raton, Fla. home where his wife and son now live. He turned on the recording capability of his iPhone, just in case, and it was a good decision. His mother-in-law, 66-year-old Cheryl Hepner, stood outside the home with his three-year-old son's pillow and overnight bag. Miglino was there to pick up his son for a court-scheduled custody visit. Hepner tried to get Miglino to enter the home, ostensibly because Hepner's ailing husband wanted to speak to him. When Miglino refused, Hepner pulled a .22-caliber Beretta out from behind the pillow, and started firing. On the video gunshots can be heard. Then, Miglino can be heard saying "I can't believe you did that. I can't believe you did that ... I can't believe you f***ing shot me." Miglino took two bullets, one in the rib cage and one in the shoulder. Despite those wounds, he managed to wrestle the gun away from Hepner, and then drove away while calling 911. Ah, but Hepner also called police, setting up a "he said, she said" situation. n her 911 call, Hepner told the police that Miglino pulled the gun on her. She said, "No, he pulled it on me and he's got it. He drove away," according to a recording of the 911 call. She also mentioned that Miglino and her daughter were in "the middle of a horrible divorce." Meanwhile, however, Miglino's iPhone video corroborated his story. Dani Moscella, spokeswoman for the Broward Country Sheriff's Department said, "As evidence goes, that was a gem. That absolutely corroborated everything that Mr. Miglino had told detectives."
Tech Support Pits: From: Vlad Re: Download from camera Dear Webby, What is better, to download from a digital camera directly to the computer, or taking the memory chip out and reading it in a chip reader ? Vlad Dear Vlad Taking the memory chip out and reading it in a standard chip reader is much better, and much faster too. The added advantage is that the computer views the chip reader as if it was just another hard drive, and at the same or better speed as a hard drive. You can then work on the pictures with any program. The main reason, though, is that the USB port is running at 5 volts, and the camer at six. So the camera will be trying to charge the computer up to six volts, and thereby draining the camera batter down to five volts. Cameras are supposed to have circuitry to prevent that, but most of them will loose some battery charge. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "Probably a forklift and a fewcrowbars."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Free Address Labels to Mark Belongings Placing a sticky address label (they come in the mail all the time) on your inside lid of the DVD, books, under plates or whatever you loan out makes it easier for the borrower to return. By Frances E. from Bath, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bobbie for this: Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole DVD?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "I send him to MY room!"
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Parental Controls 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 14

Thank you Genevieve!
Thank you Dianne!
Thank you Sig!

Looks like Obama's owners ordered him to veto the proposed 
bill, that would encourage speeding up the permit approval
for the Keyston XL pipeline. They want the US to buy oil from
Arabia and Venezuela, not use North-American homebrew
oil, at least until after next election. That means 420,000 US jobs,
paid for by Canada, postponed until after the election. 

Some people still pray to Saint Obama, who can't do wrong. 
But some of us would prefer the economy to improve again soon.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. --- Catherine Aird Life is one fool thing after another where as love is two fool things after each other. --- Oscar Wilde
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Nobody wanted Guiltfree Christmas and to save money with healthy and fat burning treats. So, let's try the opposite. It will still save you money, but probably won't help you lose Christmas weight.
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the
Secret Recipes

Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Todd Britto, 38 of Waterbury, CT Man Fell Asleep In Vehicle With A Joint In His Hands and 33 bags of heroin in the vehicle A 38-year-old man was arrested Friday morning after he fell asleep inside his vehicle on Brooksvale Avenue with a joint in his hands, police said. Todd Britto, of 14 Vine St., Waterbury, also had 33 bags of heroin inside the vehicle, police said. Officers also said they found $380 cash strewn throughout the vehicle, which was obstructing traffic when they found him about 12:4 5a.m. Britto was charged with possession of narcotics, possession with intent to sell and possession of marijuana. Britto was held with bail set at $15,000 and is scheduled to appear in Superior Court in Meriden on Dec. 23.
Tech Support Pits: From: Kerry Re: Parental control filters Dear Webby, What do recommend for parental control filters? Kerry Dear Kerry A sturdy marble or oak rolling pin seems to be the best. The software parental controls are way too soft. Most likely your kids can crack them a lot faster than you can set them up, plus they can always go to different but similar sites. Just hanging around now and then and making it clear that computer use is a privilege, that can be cut at any time, is the most effective. Kids will sneak a peek at taboo stuff anyway, just like you did. The general idea is to not make such a big fuss about it that it turns into an obsession. A good education about what lurks on the chat programs and certain sites will go a lot further in protecting your kids than any software. Point out to them, what they stand to lose, if they get the machine infected. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
During exams at England's Cambridge University, a bright young student asks the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. "Sorry, no," says the proctor. "Sir, I really must insist," says the student, taking out a copy of the 400 year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect. He points to a section which reads (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes and ale." The proctor gives in, but since cakes and ale aren't readily available, he and the student agree that hamburgers and beer can be substituted, and the student sits there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the same student is fined fifty pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Free Address Labels to Mark Belongings Placing a sticky address label (they come in the mail all the time) on your inside lid of the DVD, books, under plates or whatever you loan out makes it easier for the borrower to return. By Frances E. from Bath, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to acess the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As she sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then started typing, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Chris for this story: I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"
» Stunning Images





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PPS to JPG 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 13

Global CO2 levels have hit an all time high, well, since 
that sort of think has been tracked anyway. 
Temperatures, however, are in the cyclic cooling ripple,
that started around Y2K, just as the Algorians were finishing
their big presentation to con the sheep and make some serious
money. 

Now another batch of grant seekers, ahem "Scientists" are
claiming, that the hockey stick model is upside down and that
CO2 causes Gullible Cooling, ahem Global Cooling.

Well, in my humble opinion, those con artists are full of crap too.
Just look at the bar charts on the sides of canyons!
It's all cyclic. 
And CO2 is not a CAUSE of anything, it is an indicator, 
a Tattle-Tale, with the customary lage of Mother Nature,
of what has happened. Definitely not a predictor of what is
going to happen.

Remember Car Sagan's ice Age scare?
What is really hilarious, that eventually prompted the BBC series
called "The Frozen Planet". It didn't melt during the Gullible
Warming hoax period, but now, that it is getting colder, they
are winding it down.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I always travel first class on a train. It's the only way to avoid one's creditors." ---Seymour Hicks The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. --- Thomas H. Huxley It is really inconvenient, that reality refused to cooperate with the almost elegant Global Warming spoof. --- Socratex
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
Nobody wanted Guiltfree Christmas and to save money with healthy and fat burning treats. So, let's try the opposite. It will still save you money, but probably won't help you lose Christmas weight.
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the
Secret Recipes

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500.00." "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much." "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2012 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... " "What price did he quote you?" "Only $72,000 ... " "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! But before we hang up, something else ... " "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... " "How much are they asking?" "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have almost half that that much in the bank ... " "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye ... I do too." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand and asks all those present, "Okay... who's phone is this?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jesua Tatad, 39 from San Francisco Woman Poured Hot Boiling Water on Sleeping Ex Husband Before Beating Him with a Baseball Bat A San Francisco woman is facing serious criminal charges for throwing a pan of boiling water on her ex-husband and brutally beating him with a baseball bat … all because she found out he was dating a new woman. Tatad is accused of pouring boiling water over her ex-husband for seeing another woman. Jesua Tatad is said to have scalded her former spouse as he slept and then beat him with a baseball bat. Even though they were divorced, the 39-year-old stayed at the home of the victim, who suffered 60 per cent burns. Prosecutors said Tatad waited until her ex was asleep before pouring a full pot of boiling water over his body. As he leapt up in pain she was waiting with a baseball bat and allegedly clubbed him in the head. Police said he was able to escape and flagged down a passing security guard outside his home in Daly City, California. An ambulance rushed the man to San Francisco General Hospital where he was admitted in critical condition. San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said the victim is unable to speak due to his injuries. He said Tatad wasn’t cooking anything prior to the incident and deliberately boiled the water for the attack. That makes the crime a deliberate and planned attack and most likely attempted first degree murder. Wagstaffe said she had waited until her ex returned home from working a night shift. The victim is in ‘pretty bad shape’ but will survive, Wagstaffe said, adding ‘he’s in for a long, long and painful recovery.’ ‘It wasn’t like she was cooking breakfast,” he added. ‘She boiled up that pot of water to pour on him.’ Tatad was arrested and charged with several felonies, including assault with a deadly weapon, aggravated mayhem and torture. She is being held on $600,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: PowerPoint to JPG Dear Webby, Do you know if there is a way to remove individual pictures from a powerpoint presentation? I get these from friends all the time, but sometimes there's only one picture I want to keep out of the bunch. Thanks Steve Dear Steve Untold Millions of people share your frustration, or have shared it in the past, until they figured out how to do a screen capture. Cleverly disguised as an ordinary key on the keybooard is the "Print Screen" key. Since thelate80'sthat key does not print what is on the screen onto a rat-tat-tat dot matrix or daisywheel printer, but "prints" what is on the screen into memory, just like when you highlight a word or sentence, and hit CTRL C. Open your graphics program, like for example PaintShopPro or Photoshop or the free GIMP. Then start that PPS slide show. When you get to the picture you want, hit that "Print Screen" key. The screen is "printed" into memory. ALT and PrintScreen copies just the active window. ALT-TAB from the slide show to your graphics program hit CTRL V to paste. That opens a new picture with the copied picture in it. If you want to write some text onto the picture, do that AFTER you have re-sized the picture. Text does not resize very well. If you have more pictures to grab, ALT-TAB back into the slide show and continue to the next picture that you want to "print" to memory. Have FUN! DearWebby
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One night a woman found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by his unusual display of deep emotions, she felt her eyes grow moist. She slipped her arms around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she lovingly whispered in his ear. "It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make and ship a crib like that for only $49.95!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. Little Johnny said, "Because they said it has to have at least four characters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier. "Listen," the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought that battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!" "Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last that long."
» Split level critters





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What is the scroll lock for? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 12

Sunday it snowed almost all day long. 
Acording to the forecast, it's supposed to stop snowing 
by morning. Wind is supposed to be gentle and the snow
shoveling might not be too bad. I probably won't do the sidewalk,
but definitely have to do the driveway from the garage to the road.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. --- Aneurin Bevan
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Are you too senile to remember?"
Last Chance! GuiltFREE! 50 EASY Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Alisha Halfmoon, 45, in Tulsa, OK Cooking Meth at Walmart An Oklahoma woman was arrested Thursday after police caught her mixing chemicals to make meth inside a South Tulsa Walmart. Video surveillance shows 45-year-old Elizabeth Alisha Greta Halfmoon, also known as simply Alisha Halfmoon, arriving at the store around noon. Walmart security called the police about 6 hours later after they noticed her acting suspicious, and when officers arrived on the scene, they asked Ms. Halfmoon why she was cooking meth at Walmart. Her response was that she was simply “too broke to buy the chemicals.” She also told officers that she “was not very good at making meth." “She didn’t have the money to make the purchases of the chemicals that were needed so she was taking what was needed in the bottle,” Officer David Shelby told local news station Fox 23. “When I saw her she had just finished mixing sulfuric acid with starter fluid in a bottle.” Halfmoon was arrested and charged with endeavoring to manufacture meth and is currently being held on $100,000 bond with an arraignment scheduled for next week. Police say they arrested Halfmoon just last month in a smurf sting. Smurfs are known among police as meth cooks or recruits who purchase pseudoephedrine to make meth. The medication is often found in cold and allergy medicines and is the main ingredient needed to make meth. Jail records show she was booked on November 6 and released from jail on those charges on December 6. Records show she received a deferred sentence and bonded out on $7,500.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brad Re: What is the scroll lock for? Dear Webby, What is the scroll lock key for ? Is that just some old legacy stuff ? Brad Dear Brad The Scroll lock is mostly just for spreadsheet and database work. When you hit that, and then scroll, the highlighted cell stays in place, or at least in view, while the spreadsheet moves underneath it according to the arrow keys that you press. It also works in text documents, for example, when you prepare sheets of address labels. Normally, the arrow keys scroll the page, Scroll Lock keeps thepage in place, but scrolls the contents of the label, in which the cursor is. Hitting Scroll Lock again, returns the control to scrolling the entire page. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. " How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A mother with a fidgety five-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still through the church sermon and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
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Create a 12 labels per page template with Open Office 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 11

At times like this I really regret, that I did not choose a 
career as a street sweeper. Aside from a steady income,
I would have a lot of spare time for crafts and to create
Christmas presents. 
Next life!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. --- Paula Poundstone
Budget conscious parents will tell you that it is a traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal breakfast dish. Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
GuiltFREE! 50 EASY Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings that are on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replies. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
Thanks to Guinn for his December orchid: Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nekiva Vonte Hardy, 30 in Montgomery, Alabama Burger King brawler lied to cops The Alabama woman who recently busted up a Florida Burger King gave cops a fake name, address, and date of birth following her arrest for the melee, a video of which became the latest fast food outburst to go viral via YouTube. The perp told Panama City Beach cops that her name was Kimesa Smith. She gave her age as 23 and said she lived at 2627 Westgate Street in Montgomery, Alabama. In fact, The Smoking Gun has discovered, the suspect’s actual name is Nekiva Vonte Hardy. She is 30 and lives with her children at 2627 Lark Drive in Montgomery. Her rap sheet includes arrests for cocaine possession, criminal mischief, and hindering prosecution. Hardy, pictured in the above mug shots, is seen at left in the photo taken after the Burger King collar, and at right in the shot snapped following her November 2006 cocaine bust. Hardy gave Florida cops the name of an acquaintance from Montgomery. In an interview, the real Kimesa Smith told TSG that she was “shocked” to see her name attached to the Burger King incident. Smith, 28, recently completed a two-year prison term (for burglary and theft of property), and is not allowed out of state without her probation officer’s permission. Smith--who said that she used to have her hair done by Hardy at the Lark Drive residence--could not explain why Hardy would have appropriated her name. Both women attended the same Montgomery high school Hardy also copped to lying to police (and TSG) when she claimed that she had traveled to Florida with three of her four children. If cops thought she had to care for her young children, Hardy surmised, they would be less likely to keep her in custody. On Friday, Florida prosecutors filed formal charges against “Smith,” who had jumped bail and returned to Alabama after the Burger king arrest, accusing her of felony criminal mischief, two counts of misdemeanor battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest (she initially was charged with only simple battery, a misdemeanor). Hardy will likely face an additional charge (or charges) for the Smith masquerade. Asked if she expected to travel to Florida and surrender on the five counts, Hardy replied, “Fuck them, they’ll have to come and get me.” She added, however, “It’s gonna be hard to find me.” The cops are not worried. She will undoubtedly run afoul of the law again.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Making 12 labels per page on Open Office Dear Webby I have downloaded Open Office (again) but can't find a way to do what I need. I am trying to make one small 13 line label and then copy and paste it so I end up with 12 to a 8 x 11 page for easy cutting and using. For my purposes they have to be that small. I cannot for the life of me figure out a way to do it. Periodicaly I also have to change the first line to a different product but the body remains the same. Thanks again for any help you can give me..(again) Ann Dear Ann In Open Office WRITE click on FILE NEW Labels Select an Avery label number, like for example J8164 (3 x 4 labels per page) and hit New Document on that little window. It will generate a page template with 12 labels, three side by side, and 4 rows of them, just like you would print onto the J8164 Avery peel-and-stick label sheets. You can, of course, select any of the countless different label styles. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say the blessing when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that I have asked for a blessing on all this stuff before."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
According to statistics, last year over 22 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were their kids.
» No Snow





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Post Office 

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.





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Moving all PPS files 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 10

Thank you, Ken!

Lucille, from couple-or-not.com asked for info, that summarizes
the debunked Gullible Warming fad. Apparently just me 
calling it BS for the last ten years is not enough. 
Luckily, Sandie had sent me a link to a fairly eloquent 
geologist 'splaining the facts to the British parliament.
Gullible Warming Debunked

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks a friend. "With her, your chances are better," says the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart condition."
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

SOMETIMES... Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kasia Rivera, 34, in East Orange, NJ Shooting Mistletoe at the mall NEWARK -- A New Jersey woman who police say injected a man's penis with silicone, resulting in his death, has been charged with manslaughter. The Essex County prosecutor's office says 34-year-old Kasia Rivera gave 22-year-old Justin Street the injection on May 5. Such injections often are used to enlarge body parts. Street died the day after his injection. His death was ruled a homicide following an investigation and a medical examiner's determination he died of a silicone embolism. Rivera also faces charges for the unauthorized practice of medicine. She was arrested Friday and is being held on $75,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Lydia Re: moving all PPS files Dear Webby, I got my computer more or less organized and have all received files in the mail Attachment directory, including the ones sent to me via Skype. Now that Attachment directory is getting so big, that W7 takes forever to load or sort it. W7 may be cute, but it is a lemon. How can I extract JUST the PPS files,and move them into a PPS sub folder inside the Attachments folder? Thanks Lydia Dear Lydia Copy or write down the address of where that Attachments folder is, highlight it, and copy it that address. Click on START type CMD and hit ENTER. You will get the scary, black DOS screen. Yes, deep down underneath is still good old DOS. Now type CD and a space, then Right-click, select PASTE to paste that address, and hit Enter. The command line now should show that address. Type DIR PPS and hit Enter. That will show you the contents of the PPS folder, IF you have indeed made it inside the Attachments folder.If necessary, you can make it by typing MD PPS and hitting ENTER. Now type move *.pps PPS /Y and hit ENTER. The /Y is optional, it just gives it a YES! on the question about overwriting an existing copy of a file. With as many files as you probably have, you are not going to compare and see if all versions of it are the same. So just overwrite any identically named duplicates. There will be a brief flurry of activty on the screen, and it's done. All PPS files have been moved to the PPS folder. Now do the same with the PPT files. move *.pps PPT /Y and hit ENTER. That's it, all done. Type exit and hit ENTER to close the DOS window to the raw command line. See, DOS is not really that scary. The * in *.PPS is a wildcard. It simply means ANYTHING before .pps If you make a folder named PIX for JPG files inside that Attachments folder, you could move all JPG files with the command: move *.jpg PIX The command is simply move what where Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man appeared at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replied. "I know, lady," the man said. "Your neighbors did."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cake Mix Bag For Decorating When I make cupcakes from a cake mix, I always save the bag. I rinse the bag out, dry it, clip a corner and insert a decorating tip inside. It makes a perfect disposable frosting bag and these bags are super strong. By norulesart from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," says the father. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident in which a car has smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer."
» Lunar Eclipse





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Missing browser address bar 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, December 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
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In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous. --- Robert G. Ingersoll
Two women are paired together as partners in a club tournament and meet on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asks, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replies. "Really," says the first woman, suitably impressed and thinking they might have a shot at the championship. "Yes," says her partner, "I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones.
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

Angus McInnes is dying. On his deathbed, he looks up and says: "Is my wife here?" "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you," his wife replies. "Are my children here?" he asks. "Yes, daddy, we are all here?" "And my other relatives? Are they also here?" "Yes, we are all here," says one. "Then why is the light on in the kitchen?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Richard Robinson, DeKalb, GA Shooting Mistletoe at the mall DECATUR, Ga. -- In the twinkling, pine-scented pantheon of Christmas decorating, mistletoe occupies a special place. But in the wild, mistletoe is a parasitic plant that creates a leafy ball in the tops of trees. For centuries, the challenge has been how to get the mistletoe out of the tree most efficiently. "I've gathered it before," said 11Alive photographer Richard Crabbe, a man with roots in rural Georgia. "The traditional southern way-- with a gun!" "Tradition has it that you would shoot it out of a tree with a gun," said Shannon Wurst, who sells mistletoe at Big John's in Buckhead. "At least that's what my grandparents always used to do." To Wurst and to Crabbe, the harvesting of treetop mistletoe by shotgun makes perfect sense. "A shotgun is the quickest and most efficient way," said Crabbe. "Unless you want to climb the tree and pick it." That's the logic Richard Robinson apparently applied Sunday, when he was spotted with a shotgun near North DeKalb Mall. "Robinson was firing into the trees in an attempt to get mistletoe out," said DeKalb police spokeswoman Mekka Parish. "To decorate his home for Christmas." Police arrested Robinson on charges of illegally discharging a weapon and reckless conduct. The police report says "He said he does this every year, but never in the mall parking lot. The suspect was surprised he was getting arrested." Christmas is a holiday that thrives on tradition. William Robinson's tale is one of a holiday tradition gone slightly awry. "The mall? Not the best place to go shoot mistletoe out of the trees," said Crabbe.
Tech Support Pits: From: Marion Re: Missing Address Bar Dear Webby, PLEASE,HELP ME GET MY ADDRESS BAR BACK AT THE TOP OF PAGE.I HAVE A PLACE TO SEACH BUT I WANT A ADDRESS BAR. MARION Dear Marion First, make sure your address bar is turned on: VIEW TOOLBARS Address bar then have a look to the right side of the browser top. You will see a | like a sliding door handle. Pull that to the left. Your address bar is behind that sliding door. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A couple are asleep in their bed late one night, when the wife thinks she hears a noise downstairs. She nudges her husband and whispers, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" he asks. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" says the husband.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "Swap Not Shop" Event for Christmas Swapping is better than Shopping! Instead of trying to work out how much you can get away with spending this Christmas, why not get friends, neighbors, and family organized and hold a pre-Christmas "Swap not Shop" event. It is fun, will help clear clutter from you house, and most importantly, can save some serious cash! http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A passenger jet is taxiing down the runway when it stops abruptly, turns around and returns to the gate. After an hour-long wait, the plane finally pulls out again, rolls down the runway and takes off. A concerned passenger asks the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the attendant explains, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot." --------------- No kidding, but something similar happened to me on Sept 14, 2001, the first day the planes flew again after 9/11. After the plane was loaded and everybody was seated with their seatbelts on, Air Canada found out that the pilot had chickened out and deserted. We sat there in the plane at the gate for over two hours until they found a pilot, who was willing to fly.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
» Tanganyika





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Eliminate an address from Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 8

Is the sun getting ready to 'splode?


Nah.Don't worry, and don't let the Algorians spook you. 
Solar filters have become more affordable and photographers 
and astronomers are getting better pictures of what has been
going on for billions of years.

They use not only very special filters, but also very special lenses,
that shrink the blocked center and zoom everything else. That is 
how you get those dramatic solar flares flying far out, instead of
being just a tame peach fuzz.

That not only makes much prettier pictures, but also helps
with studying the flares and trying to match solar activity to
actual weather. So far, they are still floundering and flopping
about that like a caught fish in a canoe, because they are 
trying to assign more significance, than there is, but in a few 
years they might be able to contribute to weather forecasts.

Unlike CO2, which is just a passive indicator or illustrator
of cyclic changes, solar weather does have a contributing
influence on the weather on earth. The key word, though,
is CONTRIBUTING, not causing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. --- King Edward VIII Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take. --- Lothar Kaul If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's consulting; if you actually use either one, it's a miracle. --- Socratex
Baseball in the Bible? It all started "In the Big Inning." Eve stole first. Adam stole second. Abraham made a sacrifice. Jacob struck out. The prodigal son made a home run. Everybody played baseball until the fall of the Roam Umpire.
GuiltFREE! 50 Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts, includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Includes TWO bonus books: Awesome Appetizers and Better Breads Enjoy a GuiltFREE! Christmas!

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the Mercedes, that I had stolen."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heather Lynn Mayo, 33 in Palm Harbor, FL Woman's call to deputies leads to her arrest in fatal Pinellas Park hit-and-run Heather Lynn Mayo called the Pinellas Sheriff's Office on Monday night and asked deputies to come kick her boyfriend out of their apartment. But it was Mayo who ended up leaving in handcuffs, authorities said, after her boyfriend revealed that the 33-year-old mother was the driver in a fatal hit-and-run crash 10 months ago in Pinellas Park. Mayo's own call to authorities ended up implicating her in the Feb. 4 death of Jeannie Fisher, who died three days before her 51st birthday. Fisher was walking east across northbound 66th Street N when she was hit and fatally injured in the center lane near the 9700 block, according to police. All Pinellas Park police knew then was that Fisher was struck by a Ford truck, possibly an SUV, that lost its passenger side mirror and front turn signal. But the case went cold for 10 months — until Monday evening. Mayo called deputies to remove her boyfriend, Robert Worden, according to the Sheriff's Office. He had just gotten out of the county jail after serving 40 days for obtaining property with a worthless check. Mayo said she was scared of him. Worden, 34, said he just wanted to see his 7-year-old daughter. The boyfriend agreed to leave his Palm Harbor apartment. But as Worden walked out with the deputies, he pointed to a damaged black 1997 Ford Ranger in the apartment complex parking lot. Worden told deputies that Mayo borrowed a neighbor's pickup on Feb. 4 to drive to Pinellas Park to buy marijuana, authorities said. That night, Worden told deputies, he said Mayo texted him that she had struck a deer. Then, weeks later, Worden told deputies, that Mayo told him that she had actually hit someone on 66th Street N. Mayo knew the person was dead, according to Worden, but was too scared of going to jail to stop. The pedestrian had violated the driver's right of way that night, according to police. But under Florida law, police said, the driver had a legal obligation to stop and identify herself. After Worden told deputies what he knew Monday night, the Sheriff's Office called the Pinellas Park Police Department, which sent officers to Palm Harbor to question Mayo. She confessed, according to police, and was arrested. When Pinellas Park police inspected the Ford Ranger they got their second break in the case that night: the neighbor's truck was still damaged and still missing parts. No repairs were made in the 10 months after the fatal crash. "We found pieces of the turn signal and the passenger side mirror at the scene (of Fisher's death)," said Pinellas Park police Sgt. Brian Unmisig, "and they matched the parts that the vehicle was missing." Mayo was also arrested on a warrant for driving with a suspended or revoked license. According to state records, her license was suspended in 2009 and 2010 for failing to pay traffic fines and last year she was cited for DUI. She was booked into the Pinellas jail, where she was being held Tuesday in lieu of $52,250 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Eliminate an address from Gmail Dear Webby, I have two problems; 1. My wife has Vista Home. She has Gmail as one of her email accounts. She wants to delete the program, but Vista does not have Delete/Add option in the control panel. How does she delete Gmail from her computer? 2. I have Windows XP SP3 and want to delete her email address from my gmail address book. I have searched the gmail program and cannot delete her address. Please help. Thank you. Daily Voter Bob Dear Bob 1) Gmail is not on her computer. She accesses it with a browser. There is nothing to uninstall. She can make a different email program her default email program. Depending on what program she wants to make the default email program, that is usually done from that program, and information on how to do it is available in the Help of that particular program. 2) To edit or delete a contact, open your Contacts list by clicking Contacts on the side of any page. Or, if you if you want to make changes to your Google Account's contacts without loading Gmail, you can use the standalone Contact Manager at https://www.google.com/contacts. To delete a contact: Select the contact in the Contacts list. Under the More actions drop-down menu, click Delete Contact. If you change your mind or mistakenly delete a contact, you'll be able to recover deleted contacts for 30 days. But 30 days after you delete a contact, it will be removed permanently. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Thread When Sewing Buttons To make sewing a button on easier and much faster, cut a long piece of thread. Select a needle with a bit larger than usual eye and double the thread in half. Thread the doubled end through the eye and now you have 4 strands of thread to work with. When you make the knot, you will be tying the 4 strands together. Twice the amount of thread to sew with and fewer stitches through the button. By banty from Chatom, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If the button is not for a delicate granny's blouse, but for pants or shirt of a rambunctious boy or man, use Dental Floss! Yes, ordinary or waxed Dental Floss. No need to double or lengthen the thread, since it is a hundred times stronger than thread. Focus on spreading the landing area on the fabric and try to have each stitch go through a fresh spot. Dental floss is stronger than the fabric, so for maximum strength, spread the load. Dental Floss also works fine for patching backpacks, tents, and sled dog harnesses. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A state legislator is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife, who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House, my dear," her husband says. "In the Senate, sure, but in the House nobody ever got caught!"
» Wind & Waves





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Politically correct 

A Politically Correct Greeting For My NDP and Liberal Friends



Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.



I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Canada great. Not to imply that Canada is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only Canada in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.



To My Conservative Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!



That should cover it…….



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Force Gmail to ask for password 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 7

Thank you Ron!
I will definitely make a bigger effort to find or guess the location
of pictures!

From Dr Bill:
MALE Urine is a commonly used rude antiseptic, and this cure 
will definitely help - good for getting rid of lice in the hair, and 
commonly used in early warfare - certainly as recently as the
 desert war in WWI (cf Lawrence of Arabia) - I grew up in the 
rural south where many old, and proven methods were still
 common knowledge among "folks" - what a schock when 
we moved to Calif. during the War and I discovered everybody 
ate Dinner in the back yard, and went to the bathroom in MALE Urine is a commonly used rude antiseptic, and this cure will definitely help - good for getting rid of lice in the hair, and commonly used in early warfare - certainly as recently as the desert war in WWI (cf Lawrence of Arabia) - I grew up in the rural south where many old, and proven methods were still common knowledge among "folks" - what a schock when we moved to Calif. during the War and I discovered everybody ate Dinner in the back yard, and went to the bathroom in House!
House!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. --- Andre Maurois The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not. ---George Bernard Shaw The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary colored paint," he says. "Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it"? "My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!" "No, they won't," Jim replies. "Listen, buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on!" says Jim. Two days later, Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk. "So, the paint killed your bird"? "Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
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Thanks to all who sent this info! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Anthony Miranda Robber gets beate up and shot BS) CHICAGO - A convicted felon is in bad shape after a robbery gone wrong. The man he attempted to hold up turned out to be an martial arts expert and ultimate fighter. CBS Chicago reports that around 11:30 p.m. Friday, Anthony Miranda walked up to a car and asked the driver for a lighter. The driver said he didn't have one, and Miranda allegedly pulled a handgun and demanded money. Police say even after the driver gave up his money, Miranda told him to get out of the car. While Miranda's attention strayed for a moment, the victim grabbed control of the gun, causing Miranda to shoot himself in the ankle. Officers say the victim told them he is a martial arts expert and ultimate fighter. He was able to pin Miranda down until law enforcement arrived, finding the robber with cuts and bruises on his face. He was taken to a local hospital for treatment. The mug shot is from after he got cleaned up at the hospital. According to police, Miranda is a convicted felon. He is charged with armed robbery and aggravated discharge of a firearm. As of Sunday, he was being held on $350,000 bond, according to the Cook County Sheriff's office.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Force Gmail to ask for password Dear Webby, knower of all things Gmail - I clicked the wrong thing one day & now when I access Gmail my address & password are right there - how do I undo that so I do have to sign in every time? Thanks a bunch. Bonnie Dear Bonnie There are only about as many remedies, as there are different browsers. However, the problem is due to purposely or accidentally telling the browser to remember your password for 30 days. Naturally, that is not a good idea for your at-work machine, especially if you have an extensive collection of mail about something, that is frowned upon at work, like fattening lunches. For FireFox: Click the Tools menu at the top of your browser, and select Options. Select the Security tab. Uncheck the option Remember passwords for sites. Press OK. For Google Chrome: Click the Tools menu Select Clear browsing data. Select Empty the cache and Delete cookies. Click Clear browsing data. For Internet Explorer 7: Click the Tools menu at the top of your browser, and select Internet Options. Open the Content tab at the top of the dialogue box. Click AutoComplete, then Settings button, and uncheck the User names and passwords on forms and Prompt me to save passwords boxes. Click OK. For other browsers it will probably be similar. Have FUN! DearWebby
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This was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando. "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Pullout Shelves for Cupboards My cupboards are very large and deep, so it's difficult to reach or see and then retrieve, what is on the shelves toward the back. I found that medium to large cardboard box lids, plastic lids up to 4 inch depth - even containers of all sizes work. Place the items on the lid that you have placed on the shelf and pull the front edge of the lid toward you. Voila! You now have a sliding, pull-out shelf that costs next to nothing and you can see and retrieve items with greater ease! Try a few sizes and settle on the one that works best. I found sizes that use up most of the shelf space, or only what you want for that shelf. I used this technique with smaller lids and containers when we were full time RVers. By Eileen from Big Bear Lake, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Oliver was attending his first Sunday school class. "Do you say your prayers before eating?" his teacher asked. "I don't have to," the boy said, "Since mom blew up the stove, dad is cooking."

» Pearl harbor Dec 7, 1941






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Creating PayPal buttons 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 6

Thanks Gordon!

Re the Thrush, Shirley sent this:
I remember my grandma telling about one of her babies having 
thrush. The old country doctor told her that as long as it 
was a boy, she should wipe out his mouth with the corner 
of his wet diaper. Girl urine was not suitable.
Thought you might get a charge out of this info.
Shirley

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. --- William Hazlitt
Thanks to Nana for this one: When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure. When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure. When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems. When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends. --------- I sure am glad she did not mention coffee!
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Thanks to Dr Bill for reminding me of this one: A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the Monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amado Cardenas, 45, Stock Island, Florida Man trashes wrong apartment Not sure what the worst part of Amado Cardenas' burglary is -- the fact that he broke into the wrong apartment or the fact that the woman who lived there tried to wake him up the next morning because he'd passed out on the floor. According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, a woman returned to her Stock Island apartment around 7 a.m. Wednesday and found Cardenas, 45, fast asleep on the living-room floor. Aside from the fact that the woman found a stranger sleeping in her home, she also had to phone the cops because Cardenas wouldn't wake up. Cardenas was arrested, and police say the woman's apartment was "disturbed." "Cardenas had helped himself to alcoholic beverages, gone through her drawers, and taken cash and medications from her," MCSO Deputy Becky Herrin says. "He had also tried to take her flat-screen television off of the wall." After allegedly rummaging through the woman's stuff and pocketing some of it before having some drinks and calling it a night on the floor, police asked Cardenas what exactly he was doing. According to the cops, Cardenas said he thought he was at his ex-girlfriend's place. It may sound like a crappy excuse, but the sheriff's office says his ex-girlfriend actually does live next door to the woman, however, that was not accepted as a legitimate excuse and Cardenas was booked into jail on burglary and theft charges.
Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn Re: PayPal buttons Dear Webby I am trying to generate some PayPal buttons, but wind up with just a URL. That of course does not work. What am I doing wrong? Glenn Glenn, you can't do that with your phone while sitting at Hooters. You have to use a real compluter, so that you see all the code between <.form action and <./form> Then you can upload that or email it to me, and I will put it on your site. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Eggs Until a good friend shared this tip with me, I did not know that fresh eggs can be whisked together and frozen for up to six months. I have been doing this for over a year now. I buy large eggs when they are on sale in the 18 pack cartons. I keep out about six for use in the fridge and then whisk together whites and yolks of the remaining 12 eggs until just combined. I then measure them into my ice ice-cube trays, using 3 Tbsp. of the mixture per segment (3 Tbsp. is equivalent to 1 large egg). Freeze them until solid, then transfer the cubes to a freezer bag for up to 6 months. Don't forget to date the freezer bag. When ready to use take out one or more and thaw in the refrigerator. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. The golf pro says they do, and they are $1.00. The guy gives the golf pro a dollar... The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in and hands him a quarter.

» Worlds Biggest ChooChoo Set






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Infrequently used printer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 5

Thanks for all the tips re thrush. I doubt I get a doctor's 
appointment in less than two weeks, but I definitely can
use Hydrogen peroxide and get some Cilantro from
the store. Did you know, that cilantro, Italian parsley, 
gets rid of the heavy metals, that are used as dye in 
angiograms angioplasty and similar medical procedures?
They sure don't tell you that in the hospital!

Today the sun set at 4:15 at exactly South-West. 
In just two weeks and a bit, the days will start to get 
longer again.

Hopefully the economy will pick up soon too. This 
starving writer career is getting rather tiring.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac --------------- hmmm,... I must be immune to that vaccination.
There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game. One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, "I've been trying to beat you for so long that I'm about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if you're game, I'd like to try to get back all the money I've lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?" The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. "After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?" he thought. Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole. The guy turns to his friend and says "That's incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. But, you know what, I've seen enough. I've got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine. You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from. I need a drink, better make it a double, and I'll write you a check." After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, "By the way, how's that gorilla's putting?" The other guy replies, "Same as his driving." "That good, huh?" "No, I mean, he hits putts the same way - 450 yards, right down the middle!"
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again the answer was,"NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again. Once more they all answered, "NO!" "Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "Then how can I get into heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, FL Octogenarian convicted of faking breast exams FORT LAUDERDALE (CBSMiami.com) - A Broward man accused in a phony breast exam scheme will serve a little more than one year in jail as part of a plea deal reached with prosecutors. Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, was also sentenced to two years of community control and has to register as a sex offender for 15 years. Prosecutors said he posed as a doctor and offered door-to-door breast exams at a Lauderdale Lakes apartment complex in 2006. Investigators said two women took him up on the offer and realized something was wrong after the exams started. Winikoff had faced upwards of 55 years in prison if he had been convicted of sexual battery and practicing medicine without a license. There are no mugshots of the two women, who fell for the prank and complained to the cops.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Infrequently used printer Dear Webby I don't know if the word "infrequently" is the right one for my situation. I use my printer once a month, but when I do, then I use it all day long for two days. Naturally, printers don't like that and the first couple hours I struggle to get it to print right. What is the solution? Elaine Dear Elaine SOME printers don't like that. If you insist on using a cheap ink squirter and cussing at it every month, get on good terms with a good ink supplier like Atlantic InkJet and arrange auto-shipments of ink. No, don't buy a year's worth, arrange auto-shipment of FRESH ink once a month. From Atlantic InkJet you get actually fresh cartridges, not some, that have been drying out on a shelf at Walmart for a year. The alternative is to get a laser printer. They don't pout if you ignore them for a month, or a year, since they use a dry powder instead of liquid ink. Another benefit of laserprinters is that they are true page printers, and always have been. There is no slow one line at a time grunting, it just spits out a batch of pages like photocopiers do. Plain black lasers are under $100, and you can get toner for them from Atlantic InkJet too. Replacing toner is not a messy affair and you don't need protective clothing and gloves. You simply pop out the empty cartridge and stick in a new one. Nothing spills and nobody gets dirty. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, you don't understand!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shaving Tips When shaving, first I use an electric shaver. Before I finish up with a straight razor, I use some moisturizer on my face. It eliminates razor burns and cuts. It really works quite well. By Garyblue from Knoxville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America. Little Johnny: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Little Johnny!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who do shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, that has to go.

» Snow Palace







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I'm Trying To Offend 

If any of these jokes offend you, my work is done

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went back to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4,000 dumbass Muslims have added me as a friend!!




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What kind of bird? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 4

Looks like I picked up a case of thrush at the hospital. Tongue
burning as if scalded with too hot coffee, but looking whiteish,
and food tasting awful. Dianne told me on Skype, that is 
called thrush and a yeast infection of the tongue, and requires a
prescription antibiotic quickly. Guess I will gargle with 
Hydrogen Peroxide until I can get a doctor's appointment,
unless one of you knows of an effective home remedy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw
A clerk in a bakery notices a customer carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. "What would you like?" the clerk asks. "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish," the customer says. With a sigh he adds, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 12,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elyse De Stefano Lorain man accused of trying to steal Amherst police car AMHERST, Ohio - Officers arrested a Lorain man they say tried to steal an Amherst police car on Tuesday. The incident happened outside the police station just before 7 p.m. while an officer was leaving to check on a car crash. According to a news release from the Amherst Police Department, the officer noticed a man sitting in the driver’s seat of police car 107 with the doors locked. Officers tried to unlock the cruiser’s doors, but were unable to remove the man from the car. Police said the man, 38-year-old Peter Theado, of Lorain, used the computer inside the cruiser and the police radio to ask dispatch how to put the car in gear. Theado told officers he wanted to take the car out on “patrol” to protect the people of Amherst, the news release said. He then told police that he wanted to be a police officer, but was disappointed that he couldn’t get the car in drive, Amherst police said. The police department said the cruiser was not running at the time. The keys were inside, but the car has a security system. Theado was charged with criminal trespassing, attempted grand theft, obstruction of official business and unauthorized use of a police computer. He was taken to the Lorain County Correctional Facility.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: What kind of bird did Ophelia have on Saturday? Forwarded by Ophelia: Just curious, I've never seen birds like the one in your newsletter today. Do you know what kind of bird they are? Ruth Dear Ruth I wrote to Sandie and she gave me the correct info: It is a Mandarin Duck (Aix galericulata) Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," groans the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." -------------- If that happens to you, and you get the typical infected and lime aggravated wounds from working with concrete or concrete blocks, do the dishes! Soapy, hot dishwater and a bit of dissolved grease and gravy will heal the hands faster than anything!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Your Children's Bath Toys Every 4-6 months, I clean my kids' bath toys because of a scummy buildup. After their evening bath, I soak all the toys in a mild solution of bleach water until the next afternoon (the bleach does not fade the toys). Be sure to squeeze out the toys first (you may be amazed or disgusted at what comes out!), so the clean water can fill them. Sometimes they need a little brushing in the crevices with an old toothbrush. Rinse them in warm water, being sure to squeeze each toy again to remove the bleach water collected inside. By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mrs. Monroe was scheduled to fly from Michigan to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. She told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at her very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."

» Christmas Train







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Fragile Z-Arm desk lamps 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 3

Many readers pointed out to me that, when Iran raided the US
embassy and university in 1979, Obama was a teenage Muslim
in Indonesia, and cheering for Iran. Unlike Americans and 
PRO-Americans his age or older, his emotional connection
is on the opposite side. His lame, pro-forma response showed
yet again, on which side he is on. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer "I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?" --- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

A woman walked up to the manager of a Walmart store. "Are you hiring any help?" she asked. "No," he said. "We already have all the staff we need." "In that case, would you mind trying to find someone to help me in sporting goods?" she asked. --------------- That's when we heard over the PA system: "I got somebody by the balls in sporting goods and need some help."
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Kimberley Crain, who got yesterday's Bonehead Award, has been arrested today. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elyse De Stefano Busted For Tearing Down Wanted Posters A University of Iowa student was arrested Tuesday night for tearing down wanted posters featuring the photo of a friend being sought in connection with the attempted murder of a police officer. Elyse De Stefano, 21, copped to tearing down four posters at a Kum & Go market, according to a criminal complaint. The posters offered a $2000 reward for information leading to the identity and arrest of a man who nearly choked an Iowa City cop to death during a mid-November confrontation. During questioning, De Stefano said she “freaked out” when she saw the posters, since she recognized the suspect as Branden Plummer. De Stefano told cops that her roommate dates Plummer’s roommate, and that she tore down the posters “so others would not recognize Plummer,” according to a criminal complaint. Police, who began putting up the wanted posters Tuesday, arrested Plummer hours later. Plummer, a 20-year-old University of Iowa student, was charged with the attempted murder of Sergeant Brian Krei. De Stefano, pictured above, was cited for misdemeanor criminal mischief for tearing down the posters, which cops valued at $2 apiece.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Fragile Z-Arm desk lamps Dear Webby, you have on a few occasions recommended those Z-Arm desk lamps for use with spiral lightbulbs. I don't remember seeing you mention, that they are extremely fragile, and with the extra weight of those heavy spiral bulbs, don't last more than half a year. Is there a way to fix the stem, that breaks off? Frank Dear Frank Yes, they use a very cheap bakelite type plastic with soot and sawdust mixed in as filler,and a poorly designed hollow stem, that WILL break at the earliest opportunity. It is designed to keep their factory in China busy, not to keep you happy. I usually just saw off the broken stem and file the surface flat and smooth. Then I epoxy the head of a 1/2" bolt onto it. That just fits into the hole, where the stem used to go in. So far, regular 5 Minute 2-component Epoxy has outlasted the original plastic by years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire. After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters anyway."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Cats Out of the Garden To keep cats out of the garden, make some small holes in the bottom of an old plastic milk jug. Put some mothballs inside the jug and put lid back on it. Hang it on your garden fence or close to the garden. A lot of animals don't like the smell of mothballs and you put them in the jug to keep them dry so they smell longer. This won't harm the little kitty. By mamacrafter from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Manny My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes faster than newsprint."

» Funky Flora and Fauna







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How to get rid of browser hijackers 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, December 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops!


Thank you Al & Sue!

Obama seems to be desperately trying to be a worse president 
than Carter was. After the Iranians stormed the British embassy 
with full government support and media coverage, Obama made 
some lame ass comments, that the Iranian Government should
hold somebody or other responsible for that. 

Where was he, when the Iranians stormed the US embassy in 
1979 and took over 50 people hostage for over a year? 
THAT was totally unforgiveable and unforgettable.

I guess it is rather obvious on which side Obama is on!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. --- Oscar Wilde The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Thanks to Lillemor for this one: Subject: 57 cent church A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded." I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus. Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School." For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there... A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents. Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250, 000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends. When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit TempleUniversity, where thousands of students are educated. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time. In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds". This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. This is a powerful novena. Just send this to four people and let me know what happens on the fourth day.... May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing and dance. It is there for each and every one of you.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kimberly Crain, 48, Shawnee, Oklahoma Elementary School Teacher Probed Over Bra And Panties Party Police are investigating an Oklahoma elementary school teacher who hosted a tree trimming party at her home attended by several third graders whom the educator videotaped wearing Christmas-themed naughty bras and panties she provided to the girls. In the face of a Shawnee Police Department probe, Kimberly Crain, 48, submitted her resignation as a third grade teacher at McLoud Elementary School. The resignation of Crain was announced yesterday by school administrators. The investigation of Crain began earlier this month when a parent told police that her daughter had been invited, along with other girls, to Crain’s residence for a pizza party. The child told her parents that “they dressed up in bras and panties and decorated the tree and ate pizza.” Under questioning by her parents, the girl revealed that Crain “took photos of her and her friends decorating the tree,” and that some of the girls “made up a cheer dance and did it in the bra and panties while Crain videotaped them.” According to a search warrant affidavit, Crain told the girls that, “she had something for them to change into” at her home. The bras and panties--imprinted with phrases like “Ho! Ho!”--were on a bed, and “Crain had all of the girls into the bedroom, one by one, and change into the bras and panties.” Two girls did not want to change into the bras, so they just wore a t-shirt with the panties, according to the affidavit. But “Crain told them that they needed to go put the bras on,” police reported. A detective secured the warrant to search Crain’s residence for computer equipment, cell phones, digital storage devices, and other material. The affidavit reveals that, after cops began investigating the pizza party, another third grade student reported troubling behavior by Crain. The child reported that “Crain has all the kids in her class Skype over the computer with an older man wearing glasses named ‘Uncle G.’” The man is not further identified in the affidavit. Additionally, the child told police that, several times a week, Crain “takes photos of particular girls in the class, posing on the desk and chairs, using her personal cell phone.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Doe Re: Browsers hijacked It would seem my homepage got hijacked. It used to always open at Yahoo, which was by my choice. Now, Google opens twice, I cannot seem to remove it. Have tried all I know. I used Crap cleaner & Spybot, re-set my preferences. Still, lo & behold, I get Google again. Any ideas? Dear Doe That sounds typical for the Redirect Virus, that was quite popular last winter and spring, but seems to be coming around again. There IS a fix, but just like fixing a washing machine, it is not quite free. Luckily I still have the link to get the remover: http://webby.com/goor By the way, hijacking your home page is just the most visible of the things, that that virus does. It also opens a back-door for hackers to come into your machine. Hope you use the fix and remove it soon, instead of continuing to spread it! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Cats Out of the Garden To keep cats out of the garden, make some small holes in the bottom of an old plastic milk jug. Put some mothballs inside the jug and put lid back on it. Hang it on your garden fence or close to the garden. A lot of animals don't like the smell of mothballs and you put them in the jug to keep them dry so they smell longer. This won't harm the little kitty. By mamacrafter from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!" So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?" "Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed. "Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show her. "Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly. Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home...!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I'm telling you, Mary, I've never been happier", Nancy told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome, sensitive, caring, considerate, and rich." What in the world do you need the second one for?" Mary asked. "Oh," Nancy replied, "the second one is straight."

» The Bhutan







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Show all running programs in Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 1

8 inches of dry snow and a nasty wind. 
Did do a two mile walk anyway!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Destiny is for people who are too lazy to create alternate timelines. --- R. Stevens Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. --- Thomas Sowell
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Once upon a time the Government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of nowhere. The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrap yard at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person (bilingual, naturally) for the job. Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write the job description and one person to do time studies. Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people; one to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions: a Time Keeper and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more people to assist. Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an Administrative Section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary. Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one year and we are $180,000 over budget; we must cut back our overall costs." So they laid off the night watchman. The following week Jose, the former night watchman, and his relatives, carted away the scrap and sold it to a scrap dealer for a very nice profit.
Click through for the large version. Roughing it, without a pilow!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andri Jeffers, 26, Castle Canyon Mesa, AZ Robber's 'bomb' was a toy penguin DEWEY-HUMBOLDT, Ariz. (UPI) -- Authorities in Arizona said a woman who claimed to be concealing a bomb under her shirt while robbing a service station was actually holding a toy penguin. Yavapai County sheriff's deputies said Andri Jeffers, 26, claimed to be concealing a bomb under her shirt Thursday when she demanded money from a clerk at the Chevron Station on Highway 69 in Dewey-Humboldt, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported Tuesday. Investigators said Jeffers eventually fled the store when the clerk refused to cooperate and deputies identified the suspect from security camera footage and her license plate number, which was taken down by the clerk. Jeffers was arrested Thursday evening at her home in Castle Canyon Mesa. Deputies said she admitted to the incident and they learned the object she was holding beneath her shirt was a toy penguin. Jeffers was arrested on one count of attempted robbery and was later released on bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Show all running programs in Windows 7 Dear Webby, Hope this finds you in good health. Is there a way to force Win7 to tell you all programs that are running? Including the ones running in the background? THANK YOU for all your effort & time. Steve Der Steve You can use Ctrl + Shift + Esc to open Task Manager directly, and see all the running programs. You can sort them by the amount of memory they have booked and reserved fo themselves. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Thanks to Scotty for this one: Hospital regulations here require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a volunteer, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pillow Case as Sewing Machine Cover For an inexpensive sewing machine cover, purchase a good quality pillow case from the thrift store or yard sale. Cut and shape the bottom, fancy open end to fit your sewing machine. Sew across the edge you just cut. You can add lace or whatever you like to embellish it. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Actual writings on British hospital charts: Here they have done away with the charts up on the bed headboard and use computers. That way, any involved doctor can look up the chart and comments 24 hours a day, and decide whether he can sleep in or battle rush-hour traffic. However, in England they apparently still use the paper charts. 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. She is numb from her toes down. 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 15. The skin was moist and dry. 16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 17. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 25. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her. "That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat."

» Brinicle Beneath







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How Cold Was It? 

It was so cold . . .
we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!

It was so cold...
hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

It was so cold...
roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

It was so cold . . .
when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!

It was so cold . . .
the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!

It was so cold . . .
kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"

It was so cold . . .
the travel agency was advertising tropical vacations in Igloolik!

It was so cold . . .
pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!

It was so cold . . .
the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

It was so cold . . .
I chipped a tooth on my soup!

It was so cold . . .
Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs were wearing cats!

It was so cold . . .
Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!

It was so cold . . .
Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!

It was so cold . . .
the rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.

It was so cold . . .
we had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

It was so cold . . .
we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!

It was so cold...
kids stopped worrying about acne. The new problem - goosepimples!

It was so cold . . .
when we milked the cows, we got ice cream!
When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold . . .
words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!

It was so cold . . .
Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.

It was so cold . . .
we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!

It was so cold . . .
the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! Then...

It was so cold . . .
when we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!



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How to grab individual PPS pictrues 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 30

In case you noticed, that I didn't send a Humor Letter for 
Tuesday, it's because some very cute nurses at Foothills
Hospital kidnapped me and tied me down with a whole bunch
of EKG wires, and flirted at me all evening and night.

Actualy, when the docs did an angioplasty, they saw that one
of the stents, that they had installed in March, had collapsed,
and since I was already hooked up, they decided that needed
fixing. I figured, that would happen immediately, but apparently
the fixer is a specialist, and the ones, who were doing the 
angiogram, are not. So I spent a few hours waiting for a pair
of busy specialists to have time. 

Once they showed up, one with me for the bloody stuff, and
one at the starwars console behind the thick lead glass, it went 
fairly fast. 

They do it without narcotics, since healing is much faster 
that way, and every now and then they ask for feedback.
It is quite an interesting procedure, but not something I 
want done too often. Supposedly it is all fixed now,
and as long as I do a lot of walking in fresh air, it should be 
OK from now on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. ---- H. L. Mencken
A little boy returning home from school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced a football team enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with the man. The next day she became his stepmother. (Men will never learn)
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City 'Fighting 'what redneck people do' PALM CITY, Fla., Nov. 28 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a man arrested for allegedly brawling with his son told officers he shouldn't be arrested because "fighting is what redneck people do." The Martin County Sheriff's Office said Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City was arrested Nov. 20 on charges, including aggravated domestic assault with a firearm and domestic battery, TCPalm.com reported Monday. Investigators said Wach's 18-year-old son told deputies he confronted his father about 45 minutes before deputies arrived because the older man was intoxicated and shooting his pistol at the son's lawn mower in the yard of the 18-year-old's home, TCPalm.com said. The son said he took the handgun from Wach, who left but came back a short time later with a shotgun he allegedly pointed at the younger man. The two men fought until a passing deputy noticed the altercation, investigators said. Wach allegedly refused to comply with the deputy's demands that he stop fighting and he was shocked three times with a stun gun before being taken into custody. Deputies said Wach did not understand why he was being arrested. "He then stated that he shoots in the yard all the time and that fighting is what redneck people do," the arrest report states.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Grab individual PPS pictures Dear Webby, Do you know if there is a way to remove individual pictures from a powerpoint presentation? I get these from friends all the time, but sometimes there's only one picture I want to keep out of the bunch. Thanks Steve Dear Steve Just download and install Open Office. It includes Impress, and with that you can view a PPS file in editing mode, strip the sappy comments some people slobber over the pictrues, and copy individual pictures. You can even delete unsuitable pictures from a PPS or replace them with better ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Funnel as a String Dispenser For a handy way to have string at your fingertips, try this. Hang a cheap funnel as a dispenser, with the roll of twine or string in the top and the end running down through the spout. This is nice for a kitchen, basement, garage shop, or garden. Just keep a small knife handy to cut the twine or string. This will also keep you from having tangles and knots in the string or twine. It might even work for yarn for knitting or crocheting. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ For yarn and wool use a tobacco or coffee tin with a screw-top lid, and punchor melt a smooth hole into the bottom. The can will keep dust off your yarn or wool, and can be stacked when not in use.. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to walk."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

» R Pike's Pix







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Problems with wide monitors 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 28

Thank you, Sig!
By the time you read this, I'll be on the road to Calgary, 
for an angiogram, or already there.

Sunday was not a good day at all. I didn't get to end
Saturday until 7am on Sunday.
When I returned to the net around 10, there was a wicked
storm going on and frequent powwer failures. I saw a car 
getting passed by an eavestrough, and speeding up rather 
suddenly.

I should have gone back to bed, but with daylight and lots 
of work to do, that simply did not occur to me at the time.
Finally I had to, because the power went out for good, not
just brief interruptions.

When the power came back and stayed on for ten minutes,
I booted up the main machine again, well, I tried to.

UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME
That sure is a horrible feeling!

Sent a message to Jerome in Texas, but considering it was
Sunday, didn't expect an instant reply.

When he did reply in the evening, we tried a few things, but
came to the conclusion,that I should fedEx the drive to him,
since anything I tried, would most likely make things worse.
Earliest I can can do that is Tuesday.

Hope you had a LOT more fun than me this this weekend!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." ---- John Wooden
A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a police officer approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk." "Naturally, I had to assume you had stolen the car."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Theodore Benner, 20, of Chalfont, Pa. Police Nab Daycare Bunny Thief Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a 20-year-old student accused of stealing a rabbit from a daycare facility inside a church. Appleton police said Lawrence University student Theodore Benner of Chalfont, Pa., allegedly broke into the Memorial Presbyterian Church about two blocks from campus Nov. 13 and stole the rabbit, named Twinkle, from a room used for daycare during the week, WLUK-TV, Green Bay, Wis., reported Thursday. Police said officers responded to a medical call in Brenner's dorm four days after the burglary and an officer recognized a caged rabbit in Brenner's room as matching the description of the missing bunny. Sgt. Pat DeWall said the rabbit was returned to the daycare facility and Brenner was arrested on charges of burglary and possession of marijuana. He was released after posting a $2,500 cash bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Wide Monitor Dear Webby, My wife told me tht you had written, that wide monitors are @#$%&! and a waste of money. The dealer tol us that they are a better deal, since they add extra space on the side. What's the truth now? Mark Dear Mark Go to that dealer and use one of their display machines to bring up MapQuest, and get it to show directions from home to work, or some other route, that you have seen on MapQuest. You will find that the top third has been sawed off. If you shrink the map to see as much of the route, as you are used to seeing, the writing is too small to read. The same goes for spreadsheets. The top third or bottom third is sawed off. Sure, you COULD get used to the sawed off configuration, but why bother, when 4:3 monitors, square monitors and even 3:4 (tall) monitors are for sale, if you look around a bit. . Have FUN! DearWebby
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FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy drops off significantly after age 25. Bubba's OPINION: If English was good enough for King James and Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency. If you are unable to hear this announcement, please call Bev at the front desk." Everybody called to tell her that they did not hear the announcement.

» City of Spires







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email links to PHP pages 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 27

Thank you, Sig!

The echocardiogram on Thursday seems to have been OK.
I would imagine, that if it wasn't, somebody would tell me.
The technician, who performed it, seemed cute enough, 
but had absolutely no sense of humor.

Tomorrow I have to drive into Calgary, an hour and a half 
away, for an angiogram, and be there at 06:30. Mine is just
a check-up, and people, who have heart attacks tomorrow
and need urgent operations, have priority, but they figure
I should be out of there by 9 PM, when they go home. 
Hopefully it will be earlier than that!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

By the way, there is nothing I can do about the voting at 
the Ezinefinder. They are totally independent and not on
any of our servers. They seem to be running again now.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

A woman answers her front door and sees a little boy holding a list. "Lady," he explains, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replies. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?" "My babysitter's boyfriend."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Denarrio Lyndrell Reed, 19 in Ridgeland, MS lora man charged in Ridgeland crime spree Authorities said a Flora man led Ridgeland police on a wild chase Saturday night, causing several accidents and ending in a brawl in the street. Ridgeland Lt. John Neal said around 5:30 p.m. Saturday, Ridgeland Police Department received a call of an accident on Lake Harbor Drive by the Wendover Subdivision. Neal said Denarrio Reed, 19, was westbound on Lake Harbor when he came up on some traffic and ran off in a ditch. When a good Samaritan got out of his white Chevy Trailblazer, Reed stole the SUV and proceeded up Lake Harbor toward U.S. 51. As Reed fled through Pear Orchard, he caused several small accidents, including one with minor injuries, Neal said. When he got to Wolcott Circle, he ran into the back of a vehicle and got out of the Trailblazer. At that point, he tried to pull a woman out of a car she was occupying with her elderly parents, and when she wouldn’t get out of the car, he ran off on foot, according to authorities. Finally, when Reed attempted to pull an elderly man out of his car, police were able to surround him and a scuffle ensued, Neal said. Reed is charged with one count of motor vehicle theft, two counts of unarmed carjacking, leaving the scene of an accident with minor injuries, resisting arrest, simple assault on a female victim, simple assault on a police officer, and false identification. But the strangest part is that police can’t seem to figure out a motive, Neal said. “We’re not sure why he ran to begin with,” he said. “All these officers were going to these calls, starting with the first call of the auto theft, and everyone’s thinking it all broke loose, but it was just one guy causing all the havoc.” Before the incident, Reed did not have any pending charges, Neal said, though he was in the system once for disorderly conduct. Police did recover a pacifier that witnesses said Reed had been sucking on, and it has been sent to the crime lab for analysis.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mac Re: PHP links Dear Webby, I almost clicked on a link in an email, that supposedly was from my silly sister, when my hubby stopped me. The email had just a link, which is not typical for my sister. Usually she types like she talkes, which is a lot. When we looked at the source, I saw that the link actually went to some site with PHP in the URL. My hubby told me to NEVER EVER go to a site with PHP, EXE, ZIP or anything like that. Are all tose extensions really that dangerous? Thanks Mac Dear Mac If you don't know the site really well, don't go there if you spot those extensions. Legitimate sites may use those extensions, but not at the main entrance. They make their entrance a regular HTML page, and will explain that the download or update has one of THOSE extensions. Unless you get warned first, ALWAYS refuse anything with those extensions. As you noticed, the scammer does not motor-mouth at you like your sister does, he just forged her address as the sender address. Especially when the address is a yahoo address, it is probably forged anyway and requires an extra measure of careful paranoia. . Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike was explaining to Judi about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and interrupted: "Oh my God, did you get out ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Feather Duster To clean a feather duster, place it in a paper or plastic bag and then add a box of cornstarch. Hold it tightly, so it's securely closed and then shake vigorously for 15-30 seconds, preferably outside. Remove and shake out all cornstarch. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

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Obamanomics 

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.



These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work and sit around protesting because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?
Neither could I.




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Crap Cleaner and FireFox 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 26

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy, May 1990 "I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately." --- Mark Twain
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him: "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and he said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, I think you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Bobby," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52 of Manchester, England Feeling fuel-ish? Thieves steal booze but forget to fill up getaway car Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52, were caught on CCTV wheeling the alcohol out of Asda. But they came unstuck when their blue Citroen ran out of fuel and they were forced to push it to the store’s petrol station. They then paid to fill up before driving off – unaware the whole fiasco had been caught on camera. Devlin and Egan, both from north Manchester, admitted theft at Manchester magistrates’ court. The pair struck at the store in Oldham on June 6. One of the women distracted a security guard while the other pushed the trolley into the car park, the court was told. The haul was so big Devlin struggled to shut the boot. She then jumped behind the wheel only to realise there was no petrol in the tank. Egan then helped push the vehicle. Actually, it was the soft suspension of the Citroen, that tilted under the huge load of booze, and shifted the fuel in the tank away from the fuel filter. The images were added to a police intelligence bank and when the women tried to repeat the stunt on October 1 at Asda in Hulme they were arrested and linked by the footage to the earlier crime. The court heard the couple had been motivated by ‘financial gain’ after their benefits were cut. Egan was given a conditional discharge for two years and ordered to pay £280 compensation and £85 costs. Devlin, who has a previous conviction for theft, was committed to Manchester crown court for sentencing on December 13.
Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: CrapCleaner and FireFox Dear Webby, Can a person use Crap Cleaner along with Firefox? Love all your hints. You really know your computer. Love your newsletter. Have a wonderful day. Shirley Dear Shirley Yes, sure! CrapCleaner works on the system, and does not care which browser you use. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was nearly winter and the lakehad just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send a dollar ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Storage By Going Up When you don't have a lot of space, try going up instead of around the room. A stacked washer and dryer is a good example. Floor to ceiling gives you lots of storage for anything. Try stacking pieces of furniture for more space. By MelindaR. from Jessieville, AR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my trailer and my boat on it and the beer in it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

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