Infrequently used printer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 5

Thanks for all the tips re thrush. I doubt I get a doctor's 
appointment in less than two weeks, but I definitely can
use Hydrogen peroxide and get some Cilantro from
the store. Did you know, that cilantro, Italian parsley, 
gets rid of the heavy metals, that are used as dye in 
angiograms angioplasty and similar medical procedures?
They sure don't tell you that in the hospital!

Today the sun set at 4:15 at exactly South-West. 
In just two weeks and a bit, the days will start to get 
longer again.

Hopefully the economy will pick up soon too. This 
starving writer career is getting rather tiring.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac --------------- hmmm,... I must be immune to that vaccination.
There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game. One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, "I've been trying to beat you for so long that I'm about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if you're game, I'd like to try to get back all the money I've lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?" The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. "After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?" he thought. Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole. The guy turns to his friend and says "That's incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. But, you know what, I've seen enough. I've got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine. You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from. I need a drink, better make it a double, and I'll write you a check." After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, "By the way, how's that gorilla's putting?" The other guy replies, "Same as his driving." "That good, huh?" "No, I mean, he hits putts the same way - 450 yards, right down the middle!"
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again the answer was,"NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again. Once more they all answered, "NO!" "Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "Then how can I get into heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, FL Octogenarian convicted of faking breast exams FORT LAUDERDALE (CBSMiami.com) - A Broward man accused in a phony breast exam scheme will serve a little more than one year in jail as part of a plea deal reached with prosecutors. Phillip Winikoff, 81, of Coconut Creek, was also sentenced to two years of community control and has to register as a sex offender for 15 years. Prosecutors said he posed as a doctor and offered door-to-door breast exams at a Lauderdale Lakes apartment complex in 2006. Investigators said two women took him up on the offer and realized something was wrong after the exams started. Winikoff had faced upwards of 55 years in prison if he had been convicted of sexual battery and practicing medicine without a license. There are no mugshots of the two women, who fell for the prank and complained to the cops.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Infrequently used printer Dear Webby I don't know if the word "infrequently" is the right one for my situation. I use my printer once a month, but when I do, then I use it all day long for two days. Naturally, printers don't like that and the first couple hours I struggle to get it to print right. What is the solution? Elaine Dear Elaine SOME printers don't like that. If you insist on using a cheap ink squirter and cussing at it every month, get on good terms with a good ink supplier like Atlantic InkJet and arrange auto-shipments of ink. No, don't buy a year's worth, arrange auto-shipment of FRESH ink once a month. From Atlantic InkJet you get actually fresh cartridges, not some, that have been drying out on a shelf at Walmart for a year. The alternative is to get a laser printer. They don't pout if you ignore them for a month, or a year, since they use a dry powder instead of liquid ink. Another benefit of laserprinters is that they are true page printers, and always have been. There is no slow one line at a time grunting, it just spits out a batch of pages like photocopiers do. Plain black lasers are under $100, and you can get toner for them from Atlantic InkJet too. Replacing toner is not a messy affair and you don't need protective clothing and gloves. You simply pop out the empty cartridge and stick in a new one. Nothing spills and nobody gets dirty. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, you don't understand!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shaving Tips When shaving, first I use an electric shaver. Before I finish up with a straight razor, I use some moisturizer on my face. It eliminates razor burns and cuts. It really works quite well. By Garyblue from Knoxville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America. Little Johnny: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Little Johnny!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who do shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, that has to go.

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I'm Trying To Offend 

If any of these jokes offend you, my work is done

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went back to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4,000 dumbass Muslims have added me as a friend!!




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What kind of bird? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 4

Looks like I picked up a case of thrush at the hospital. Tongue
burning as if scalded with too hot coffee, but looking whiteish,
and food tasting awful. Dianne told me on Skype, that is 
called thrush and a yeast infection of the tongue, and requires a
prescription antibiotic quickly. Guess I will gargle with 
Hydrogen Peroxide until I can get a doctor's appointment,
unless one of you knows of an effective home remedy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw
A clerk in a bakery notices a customer carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. "What would you like?" the clerk asks. "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish," the customer says. With a sigh he adds, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 12,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elyse De Stefano Lorain man accused of trying to steal Amherst police car AMHERST, Ohio - Officers arrested a Lorain man they say tried to steal an Amherst police car on Tuesday. The incident happened outside the police station just before 7 p.m. while an officer was leaving to check on a car crash. According to a news release from the Amherst Police Department, the officer noticed a man sitting in the driver’s seat of police car 107 with the doors locked. Officers tried to unlock the cruiser’s doors, but were unable to remove the man from the car. Police said the man, 38-year-old Peter Theado, of Lorain, used the computer inside the cruiser and the police radio to ask dispatch how to put the car in gear. Theado told officers he wanted to take the car out on “patrol” to protect the people of Amherst, the news release said. He then told police that he wanted to be a police officer, but was disappointed that he couldn’t get the car in drive, Amherst police said. The police department said the cruiser was not running at the time. The keys were inside, but the car has a security system. Theado was charged with criminal trespassing, attempted grand theft, obstruction of official business and unauthorized use of a police computer. He was taken to the Lorain County Correctional Facility.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: What kind of bird did Ophelia have on Saturday? Forwarded by Ophelia: Just curious, I've never seen birds like the one in your newsletter today. Do you know what kind of bird they are? Ruth Dear Ruth I wrote to Sandie and she gave me the correct info: It is a Mandarin Duck (Aix galericulata) Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," groans the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." -------------- If that happens to you, and you get the typical infected and lime aggravated wounds from working with concrete or concrete blocks, do the dishes! Soapy, hot dishwater and a bit of dissolved grease and gravy will heal the hands faster than anything!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Your Children's Bath Toys Every 4-6 months, I clean my kids' bath toys because of a scummy buildup. After their evening bath, I soak all the toys in a mild solution of bleach water until the next afternoon (the bleach does not fade the toys). Be sure to squeeze out the toys first (you may be amazed or disgusted at what comes out!), so the clean water can fill them. Sometimes they need a little brushing in the crevices with an old toothbrush. Rinse them in warm water, being sure to squeeze each toy again to remove the bleach water collected inside. By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mrs. Monroe was scheduled to fly from Michigan to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. She told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at her very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."

» Christmas Train







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Fragile Z-Arm desk lamps 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 3

Many readers pointed out to me that, when Iran raided the US
embassy and university in 1979, Obama was a teenage Muslim
in Indonesia, and cheering for Iran. Unlike Americans and 
PRO-Americans his age or older, his emotional connection
is on the opposite side. His lame, pro-forma response showed
yet again, on which side he is on. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer "I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?" --- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

A woman walked up to the manager of a Walmart store. "Are you hiring any help?" she asked. "No," he said. "We already have all the staff we need." "In that case, would you mind trying to find someone to help me in sporting goods?" she asked. --------------- That's when we heard over the PA system: "I got somebody by the balls in sporting goods and need some help."
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Kimberley Crain, who got yesterday's Bonehead Award, has been arrested today. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elyse De Stefano Busted For Tearing Down Wanted Posters A University of Iowa student was arrested Tuesday night for tearing down wanted posters featuring the photo of a friend being sought in connection with the attempted murder of a police officer. Elyse De Stefano, 21, copped to tearing down four posters at a Kum & Go market, according to a criminal complaint. The posters offered a $2000 reward for information leading to the identity and arrest of a man who nearly choked an Iowa City cop to death during a mid-November confrontation. During questioning, De Stefano said she “freaked out” when she saw the posters, since she recognized the suspect as Branden Plummer. De Stefano told cops that her roommate dates Plummer’s roommate, and that she tore down the posters “so others would not recognize Plummer,” according to a criminal complaint. Police, who began putting up the wanted posters Tuesday, arrested Plummer hours later. Plummer, a 20-year-old University of Iowa student, was charged with the attempted murder of Sergeant Brian Krei. De Stefano, pictured above, was cited for misdemeanor criminal mischief for tearing down the posters, which cops valued at $2 apiece.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Fragile Z-Arm desk lamps Dear Webby, you have on a few occasions recommended those Z-Arm desk lamps for use with spiral lightbulbs. I don't remember seeing you mention, that they are extremely fragile, and with the extra weight of those heavy spiral bulbs, don't last more than half a year. Is there a way to fix the stem, that breaks off? Frank Dear Frank Yes, they use a very cheap bakelite type plastic with soot and sawdust mixed in as filler,and a poorly designed hollow stem, that WILL break at the earliest opportunity. It is designed to keep their factory in China busy, not to keep you happy. I usually just saw off the broken stem and file the surface flat and smooth. Then I epoxy the head of a 1/2" bolt onto it. That just fits into the hole, where the stem used to go in. So far, regular 5 Minute 2-component Epoxy has outlasted the original plastic by years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire. After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters anyway."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Cats Out of the Garden To keep cats out of the garden, make some small holes in the bottom of an old plastic milk jug. Put some mothballs inside the jug and put lid back on it. Hang it on your garden fence or close to the garden. A lot of animals don't like the smell of mothballs and you put them in the jug to keep them dry so they smell longer. This won't harm the little kitty. By mamacrafter from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Manny My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes faster than newsprint."

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How to get rid of browser hijackers 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, December 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops!


Thank you Al & Sue!

Obama seems to be desperately trying to be a worse president 
than Carter was. After the Iranians stormed the British embassy 
with full government support and media coverage, Obama made 
some lame ass comments, that the Iranian Government should
hold somebody or other responsible for that. 

Where was he, when the Iranians stormed the US embassy in 
1979 and took over 50 people hostage for over a year? 
THAT was totally unforgiveable and unforgettable.

I guess it is rather obvious on which side Obama is on!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. --- Oscar Wilde The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen."
Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus! It is coming around again! Browser Redirect Virus This Virus Redirects Your Search Engine Results Symptoms Of The Redirect Virus are: * Google Redirects * Yahoo & Bing Redirects * Fake Popups Show * Cannot Remove it with most Antivirus programs If you noticed those symptoms, Click here to Get Rid of the Browser Hijack virus!

Thanks to Lillemor for this one: Subject: 57 cent church A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded." I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus. Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School." For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there... A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents. Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250, 000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends. When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit TempleUniversity, where thousands of students are educated. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time. In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds". This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. This is a powerful novena. Just send this to four people and let me know what happens on the fourth day.... May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing and dance. It is there for each and every one of you.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kimberly Crain, 48, Shawnee, Oklahoma Elementary School Teacher Probed Over Bra And Panties Party Police are investigating an Oklahoma elementary school teacher who hosted a tree trimming party at her home attended by several third graders whom the educator videotaped wearing Christmas-themed naughty bras and panties she provided to the girls. In the face of a Shawnee Police Department probe, Kimberly Crain, 48, submitted her resignation as a third grade teacher at McLoud Elementary School. The resignation of Crain was announced yesterday by school administrators. The investigation of Crain began earlier this month when a parent told police that her daughter had been invited, along with other girls, to Crain’s residence for a pizza party. The child told her parents that “they dressed up in bras and panties and decorated the tree and ate pizza.” Under questioning by her parents, the girl revealed that Crain “took photos of her and her friends decorating the tree,” and that some of the girls “made up a cheer dance and did it in the bra and panties while Crain videotaped them.” According to a search warrant affidavit, Crain told the girls that, “she had something for them to change into” at her home. The bras and panties--imprinted with phrases like “Ho! Ho!”--were on a bed, and “Crain had all of the girls into the bedroom, one by one, and change into the bras and panties.” Two girls did not want to change into the bras, so they just wore a t-shirt with the panties, according to the affidavit. But “Crain told them that they needed to go put the bras on,” police reported. A detective secured the warrant to search Crain’s residence for computer equipment, cell phones, digital storage devices, and other material. The affidavit reveals that, after cops began investigating the pizza party, another third grade student reported troubling behavior by Crain. The child reported that “Crain has all the kids in her class Skype over the computer with an older man wearing glasses named ‘Uncle G.’” The man is not further identified in the affidavit. Additionally, the child told police that, several times a week, Crain “takes photos of particular girls in the class, posing on the desk and chairs, using her personal cell phone.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Doe Re: Browsers hijacked It would seem my homepage got hijacked. It used to always open at Yahoo, which was by my choice. Now, Google opens twice, I cannot seem to remove it. Have tried all I know. I used Crap cleaner & Spybot, re-set my preferences. Still, lo & behold, I get Google again. Any ideas? Dear Doe That sounds typical for the Redirect Virus, that was quite popular last winter and spring, but seems to be coming around again. There IS a fix, but just like fixing a washing machine, it is not quite free. Luckily I still have the link to get the remover: http://webby.com/goor By the way, hijacking your home page is just the most visible of the things, that that virus does. It also opens a back-door for hackers to come into your machine. Hope you use the fix and remove it soon, instead of continuing to spread it! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Cats Out of the Garden To keep cats out of the garden, make some small holes in the bottom of an old plastic milk jug. Put some mothballs inside the jug and put lid back on it. Hang it on your garden fence or close to the garden. A lot of animals don't like the smell of mothballs and you put them in the jug to keep them dry so they smell longer. This won't harm the little kitty. By mamacrafter from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!" So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?" "Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed. "Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show her. "Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly. Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home...!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I'm telling you, Mary, I've never been happier", Nancy told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome, sensitive, caring, considerate, and rich." What in the world do you need the second one for?" Mary asked. "Oh," Nancy replied, "the second one is straight."

» The Bhutan







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Show all running programs in Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 1

8 inches of dry snow and a nasty wind. 
Did do a two mile walk anyway!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Destiny is for people who are too lazy to create alternate timelines. --- R. Stevens Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. --- Thomas Sowell
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Once upon a time the Government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of nowhere. The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrap yard at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person (bilingual, naturally) for the job. Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write the job description and one person to do time studies. Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people; one to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions: a Time Keeper and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more people to assist. Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an Administrative Section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary. Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one year and we are $180,000 over budget; we must cut back our overall costs." So they laid off the night watchman. The following week Jose, the former night watchman, and his relatives, carted away the scrap and sold it to a scrap dealer for a very nice profit.
Click through for the large version. Roughing it, without a pilow!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andri Jeffers, 26, Castle Canyon Mesa, AZ Robber's 'bomb' was a toy penguin DEWEY-HUMBOLDT, Ariz. (UPI) -- Authorities in Arizona said a woman who claimed to be concealing a bomb under her shirt while robbing a service station was actually holding a toy penguin. Yavapai County sheriff's deputies said Andri Jeffers, 26, claimed to be concealing a bomb under her shirt Thursday when she demanded money from a clerk at the Chevron Station on Highway 69 in Dewey-Humboldt, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported Tuesday. Investigators said Jeffers eventually fled the store when the clerk refused to cooperate and deputies identified the suspect from security camera footage and her license plate number, which was taken down by the clerk. Jeffers was arrested Thursday evening at her home in Castle Canyon Mesa. Deputies said she admitted to the incident and they learned the object she was holding beneath her shirt was a toy penguin. Jeffers was arrested on one count of attempted robbery and was later released on bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Show all running programs in Windows 7 Dear Webby, Hope this finds you in good health. Is there a way to force Win7 to tell you all programs that are running? Including the ones running in the background? THANK YOU for all your effort & time. Steve Der Steve You can use Ctrl + Shift + Esc to open Task Manager directly, and see all the running programs. You can sort them by the amount of memory they have booked and reserved fo themselves. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Thanks to Scotty for this one: Hospital regulations here require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a volunteer, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pillow Case as Sewing Machine Cover For an inexpensive sewing machine cover, purchase a good quality pillow case from the thrift store or yard sale. Cut and shape the bottom, fancy open end to fit your sewing machine. Sew across the edge you just cut. You can add lace or whatever you like to embellish it. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Actual writings on British hospital charts: Here they have done away with the charts up on the bed headboard and use computers. That way, any involved doctor can look up the chart and comments 24 hours a day, and decide whether he can sleep in or battle rush-hour traffic. However, in England they apparently still use the paper charts. 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. She is numb from her toes down. 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 15. The skin was moist and dry. 16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 17. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 25. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her. "That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat."

» Brinicle Beneath







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How Cold Was It? 

It was so cold . . .
we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!

It was so cold...
hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

It was so cold...
roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

It was so cold . . .
when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!

It was so cold . . .
the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!

It was so cold . . .
kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"

It was so cold . . .
the travel agency was advertising tropical vacations in Igloolik!

It was so cold . . .
pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!

It was so cold . . .
the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

It was so cold . . .
I chipped a tooth on my soup!

It was so cold . . .
Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs were wearing cats!

It was so cold . . .
Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!

It was so cold . . .
Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!

It was so cold . . .
the rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.

It was so cold . . .
we had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

It was so cold . . .
we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!

It was so cold...
kids stopped worrying about acne. The new problem - goosepimples!

It was so cold . . .
when we milked the cows, we got ice cream!
When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold . . .
words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!

It was so cold . . .
Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.

It was so cold . . .
we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!

It was so cold . . .
the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! Then...

It was so cold . . .
when we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!



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How to grab individual PPS pictrues 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 30

In case you noticed, that I didn't send a Humor Letter for 
Tuesday, it's because some very cute nurses at Foothills
Hospital kidnapped me and tied me down with a whole bunch
of EKG wires, and flirted at me all evening and night.

Actualy, when the docs did an angioplasty, they saw that one
of the stents, that they had installed in March, had collapsed,
and since I was already hooked up, they decided that needed
fixing. I figured, that would happen immediately, but apparently
the fixer is a specialist, and the ones, who were doing the 
angiogram, are not. So I spent a few hours waiting for a pair
of busy specialists to have time. 

Once they showed up, one with me for the bloody stuff, and
one at the starwars console behind the thick lead glass, it went 
fairly fast. 

They do it without narcotics, since healing is much faster 
that way, and every now and then they ask for feedback.
It is quite an interesting procedure, but not something I 
want done too often. Supposedly it is all fixed now,
and as long as I do a lot of walking in fresh air, it should be 
OK from now on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. ---- H. L. Mencken
A little boy returning home from school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced a football team enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with the man. The next day she became his stepmother. (Men will never learn)
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City 'Fighting 'what redneck people do' PALM CITY, Fla., Nov. 28 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a man arrested for allegedly brawling with his son told officers he shouldn't be arrested because "fighting is what redneck people do." The Martin County Sheriff's Office said Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City was arrested Nov. 20 on charges, including aggravated domestic assault with a firearm and domestic battery, TCPalm.com reported Monday. Investigators said Wach's 18-year-old son told deputies he confronted his father about 45 minutes before deputies arrived because the older man was intoxicated and shooting his pistol at the son's lawn mower in the yard of the 18-year-old's home, TCPalm.com said. The son said he took the handgun from Wach, who left but came back a short time later with a shotgun he allegedly pointed at the younger man. The two men fought until a passing deputy noticed the altercation, investigators said. Wach allegedly refused to comply with the deputy's demands that he stop fighting and he was shocked three times with a stun gun before being taken into custody. Deputies said Wach did not understand why he was being arrested. "He then stated that he shoots in the yard all the time and that fighting is what redneck people do," the arrest report states.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Grab individual PPS pictures Dear Webby, Do you know if there is a way to remove individual pictures from a powerpoint presentation? I get these from friends all the time, but sometimes there's only one picture I want to keep out of the bunch. Thanks Steve Dear Steve Just download and install Open Office. It includes Impress, and with that you can view a PPS file in editing mode, strip the sappy comments some people slobber over the pictrues, and copy individual pictures. You can even delete unsuitable pictures from a PPS or replace them with better ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Funnel as a String Dispenser For a handy way to have string at your fingertips, try this. Hang a cheap funnel as a dispenser, with the roll of twine or string in the top and the end running down through the spout. This is nice for a kitchen, basement, garage shop, or garden. Just keep a small knife handy to cut the twine or string. This will also keep you from having tangles and knots in the string or twine. It might even work for yarn for knitting or crocheting. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ For yarn and wool use a tobacco or coffee tin with a screw-top lid, and punchor melt a smooth hole into the bottom. The can will keep dust off your yarn or wool, and can be stacked when not in use.. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to walk."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

» R Pike's Pix







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Problems with wide monitors 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 28

Thank you, Sig!
By the time you read this, I'll be on the road to Calgary, 
for an angiogram, or already there.

Sunday was not a good day at all. I didn't get to end
Saturday until 7am on Sunday.
When I returned to the net around 10, there was a wicked
storm going on and frequent powwer failures. I saw a car 
getting passed by an eavestrough, and speeding up rather 
suddenly.

I should have gone back to bed, but with daylight and lots 
of work to do, that simply did not occur to me at the time.
Finally I had to, because the power went out for good, not
just brief interruptions.

When the power came back and stayed on for ten minutes,
I booted up the main machine again, well, I tried to.

UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME
That sure is a horrible feeling!

Sent a message to Jerome in Texas, but considering it was
Sunday, didn't expect an instant reply.

When he did reply in the evening, we tried a few things, but
came to the conclusion,that I should fedEx the drive to him,
since anything I tried, would most likely make things worse.
Earliest I can can do that is Tuesday.

Hope you had a LOT more fun than me this this weekend!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." ---- John Wooden
A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a police officer approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk." "Naturally, I had to assume you had stolen the car."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Theodore Benner, 20, of Chalfont, Pa. Police Nab Daycare Bunny Thief Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a 20-year-old student accused of stealing a rabbit from a daycare facility inside a church. Appleton police said Lawrence University student Theodore Benner of Chalfont, Pa., allegedly broke into the Memorial Presbyterian Church about two blocks from campus Nov. 13 and stole the rabbit, named Twinkle, from a room used for daycare during the week, WLUK-TV, Green Bay, Wis., reported Thursday. Police said officers responded to a medical call in Brenner's dorm four days after the burglary and an officer recognized a caged rabbit in Brenner's room as matching the description of the missing bunny. Sgt. Pat DeWall said the rabbit was returned to the daycare facility and Brenner was arrested on charges of burglary and possession of marijuana. He was released after posting a $2,500 cash bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Wide Monitor Dear Webby, My wife told me tht you had written, that wide monitors are @#$%&! and a waste of money. The dealer tol us that they are a better deal, since they add extra space on the side. What's the truth now? Mark Dear Mark Go to that dealer and use one of their display machines to bring up MapQuest, and get it to show directions from home to work, or some other route, that you have seen on MapQuest. You will find that the top third has been sawed off. If you shrink the map to see as much of the route, as you are used to seeing, the writing is too small to read. The same goes for spreadsheets. The top third or bottom third is sawed off. Sure, you COULD get used to the sawed off configuration, but why bother, when 4:3 monitors, square monitors and even 3:4 (tall) monitors are for sale, if you look around a bit. . Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy drops off significantly after age 25. Bubba's OPINION: If English was good enough for King James and Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency. If you are unable to hear this announcement, please call Bev at the front desk." Everybody called to tell her that they did not hear the announcement.

» City of Spires







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email links to PHP pages 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 27

Thank you, Sig!

The echocardiogram on Thursday seems to have been OK.
I would imagine, that if it wasn't, somebody would tell me.
The technician, who performed it, seemed cute enough, 
but had absolutely no sense of humor.

Tomorrow I have to drive into Calgary, an hour and a half 
away, for an angiogram, and be there at 06:30. Mine is just
a check-up, and people, who have heart attacks tomorrow
and need urgent operations, have priority, but they figure
I should be out of there by 9 PM, when they go home. 
Hopefully it will be earlier than that!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

By the way, there is nothing I can do about the voting at 
the Ezinefinder. They are totally independent and not on
any of our servers. They seem to be running again now.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. --- Tobias George Smolett Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Karl Marx
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

A woman answers her front door and sees a little boy holding a list. "Lady," he explains, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replies. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?" "My babysitter's boyfriend."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Denarrio Lyndrell Reed, 19 in Ridgeland, MS lora man charged in Ridgeland crime spree Authorities said a Flora man led Ridgeland police on a wild chase Saturday night, causing several accidents and ending in a brawl in the street. Ridgeland Lt. John Neal said around 5:30 p.m. Saturday, Ridgeland Police Department received a call of an accident on Lake Harbor Drive by the Wendover Subdivision. Neal said Denarrio Reed, 19, was westbound on Lake Harbor when he came up on some traffic and ran off in a ditch. When a good Samaritan got out of his white Chevy Trailblazer, Reed stole the SUV and proceeded up Lake Harbor toward U.S. 51. As Reed fled through Pear Orchard, he caused several small accidents, including one with minor injuries, Neal said. When he got to Wolcott Circle, he ran into the back of a vehicle and got out of the Trailblazer. At that point, he tried to pull a woman out of a car she was occupying with her elderly parents, and when she wouldn’t get out of the car, he ran off on foot, according to authorities. Finally, when Reed attempted to pull an elderly man out of his car, police were able to surround him and a scuffle ensued, Neal said. Reed is charged with one count of motor vehicle theft, two counts of unarmed carjacking, leaving the scene of an accident with minor injuries, resisting arrest, simple assault on a female victim, simple assault on a police officer, and false identification. But the strangest part is that police can’t seem to figure out a motive, Neal said. “We’re not sure why he ran to begin with,” he said. “All these officers were going to these calls, starting with the first call of the auto theft, and everyone’s thinking it all broke loose, but it was just one guy causing all the havoc.” Before the incident, Reed did not have any pending charges, Neal said, though he was in the system once for disorderly conduct. Police did recover a pacifier that witnesses said Reed had been sucking on, and it has been sent to the crime lab for analysis.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mac Re: PHP links Dear Webby, I almost clicked on a link in an email, that supposedly was from my silly sister, when my hubby stopped me. The email had just a link, which is not typical for my sister. Usually she types like she talkes, which is a lot. When we looked at the source, I saw that the link actually went to some site with PHP in the URL. My hubby told me to NEVER EVER go to a site with PHP, EXE, ZIP or anything like that. Are all tose extensions really that dangerous? Thanks Mac Dear Mac If you don't know the site really well, don't go there if you spot those extensions. Legitimate sites may use those extensions, but not at the main entrance. They make their entrance a regular HTML page, and will explain that the download or update has one of THOSE extensions. Unless you get warned first, ALWAYS refuse anything with those extensions. As you noticed, the scammer does not motor-mouth at you like your sister does, he just forged her address as the sender address. Especially when the address is a yahoo address, it is probably forged anyway and requires an extra measure of careful paranoia. . Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike was explaining to Judi about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and interrupted: "Oh my God, did you get out ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Feather Duster To clean a feather duster, place it in a paper or plastic bag and then add a box of cornstarch. Hold it tightly, so it's securely closed and then shake vigorously for 15-30 seconds, preferably outside. Remove and shake out all cornstarch. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

» Leaf n Limb







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Obamanomics 

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.



These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work and sit around protesting because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?
Neither could I.




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Crap Cleaner and FireFox 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 26

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

By the way, there is nothing I can do about the voting at 
the Ezinefinder. They are totally independent and not on
any of our servers.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy, May 1990 "I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately." --- Mark Twain
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him: "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and he said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, I think you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Bobby," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52 of Manchester, England Feeling fuel-ish? Thieves steal booze but forget to fill up getaway car Devlin, 59, and Egan, 52, were caught on CCTV wheeling the alcohol out of Asda. But they came unstuck when their blue Citroen ran out of fuel and they were forced to push it to the store’s petrol station. They then paid to fill up before driving off – unaware the whole fiasco had been caught on camera. Devlin and Egan, both from north Manchester, admitted theft at Manchester magistrates’ court. The pair struck at the store in Oldham on June 6. One of the women distracted a security guard while the other pushed the trolley into the car park, the court was told. The haul was so big Devlin struggled to shut the boot. She then jumped behind the wheel only to realise there was no petrol in the tank. Egan then helped push the vehicle. Actually, it was the soft suspension of the Citroen, that tilted under the huge load of booze, and shifted the fuel in the tank away from the fuel filter. The images were added to a police intelligence bank and when the women tried to repeat the stunt on October 1 at Asda in Hulme they were arrested and linked by the footage to the earlier crime. The court heard the couple had been motivated by ‘financial gain’ after their benefits were cut. Egan was given a conditional discharge for two years and ordered to pay £280 compensation and £85 costs. Devlin, who has a previous conviction for theft, was committed to Manchester crown court for sentencing on December 13.
Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: CrapCleaner and FireFox Dear Webby, Can a person use Crap Cleaner along with Firefox? Love all your hints. You really know your computer. Love your newsletter. Have a wonderful day. Shirley Dear Shirley Yes, sure! CrapCleaner works on the system, and does not care which browser you use. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was nearly winter and the lakehad just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send a dollar ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Storage By Going Up When you don't have a lot of space, try going up instead of around the room. A stacked washer and dryer is a good example. Floor to ceiling gives you lots of storage for anything. Try stacking pieces of furniture for more space. By MelindaR. from Jessieville, AR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my trailer and my boat on it and the beer in it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

» Skin Savers







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Too many files in Documents and Settings 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 25
Time to wear a bit of red to 
show your support for the troops!


Had to drive to Calgary for an echocardiogram. Even though
that was 80 miles further north, I started out on 4 inches of
fresh snow, which diminished to just wet roads the further 
north I went, and reversed coming back home.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

With donkeys, philosophers and politicians it is sometimes difficult to tell whether they are thinking really deep thoughts, or whether they have bottomed out. --- Socratex
One workman asks another, "How long have you been working here?" The other one replies, "Since they threatened to fire me."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

This preacher was looking for a good used snow blower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. "This blower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the blower home and when he got ready to blow some snow, he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to cuss at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!" "Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevor Jones, 34, in Norcross, GA Burglar left himself logged into Facebook NORCROSS, Ga., Nov. 22 (UPI) -- Police in Georgia said they are searching for a burglary suspect who allegedly left himself logged into Facebook on his victim's computer. Gwinnett County police allege Trevor Jones, 34, left his car running in the driveway of a home he burglarized near Norcross Nov. 15, and homeowner Stephanie White returned while he was still inside and took his keys and wallet, which contained his identification, from his vehicle, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Tuesday. Stephanie White drove to the end of the street and saw Jones flee with items from her home, police said. Investigators allege Jones broke into a second home in the neighborhood later in the day and left himself logged into Facebook on the victim's computer. White's digital camera was discovered in the second victim's home, police said. Jones, who was on parole for a previous burglary charge, is being sought on charges of burglary, criminal trespassing and parole violation, and is expected to be in custody soon.
Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Files in Documents and Settings Dear Webby I would like to know if it is all right to clean out some of the older files in my "Recent Documents", under "Documents and Settings". I know that they are there for a reason but do I need so many and such old ones? There are files still there that I deleted over a year ago. Thank you for your Humor News letter, I read it every day, You always give me a laugh or a groan or two, Joyce Dear Joyce If those files are documents that your created or received, then they are quite safe to delete. Make sure you have the file extensions visible, and if in doubt about a file, briefly view it before deleting it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in algebra, geometry,and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Seeds in Egg Carton When you buy your eggs, some of the containers, like Eggland's Best, are clear plastic containers. Buy those and save them for starting seeds. They have a clear plastic cover that covers where the eggs sit. Just fill those spaces with dirt, drop in a few seeds, cover with the plastic cover, and you have little miniature greenhouses! By gypsygina from Oklahoma City, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so: "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

» Rank n Ratings







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Not enough free memory for pictures in email 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 24

Thank You, Robert and Loretta!

Happy Thanksgiving Day, if you are in the US!

Here the Chinook stopped, the wind direction changed,
and it started snowing like crazy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton "My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working." --- Fred Marcum
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice. My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class broke into groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

Here is an old bonehead award that is too good to be forgotten: The award goes to the head of women's studies at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, Dr. Kathleen Dixon When Richard Zeller, a professor of sociology, retired after being barred from teaching a course on political correctness, Dr. Dixon explained the school's position: ''We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech.''
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Oneal Ron Morris, 30 Thanks to Helen for alerting me to this one: Flat Fixed The transgender Florida woman arrested yesterday for giving illegal buttocks injections--using a mixture of cement, super glue, mineral oil, and “Fix-a-Flat” sealant--appears to have tasted her own product. Charged with practicing medicine without a license, Oneal Ron Morris, 30, posed for the above full-body booking photos, which seem to show her rear has been artificially enhanced (is there a better way to advertise your services?). Morris was nabbed in connection with her treatment earlier this year of a client who was subsequently hospitalized due to the enhancement procedure . Morris is jailed in lieu of $7500 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: Pictures in email not showing Dear Webby I lost all my mail when Outlook crashed last year, so I have been using Eudora. It doesn't crash, ever, but two three weeks after rebooting, it stops showing pictures. A reboot fixes that, but that is a nuisance. Is there a way around that? Erin Dear Erin That is a sign, that your available RAM is getting less than necessary, to run Windows. Eudora isn't the program, that uses up all the RAM, it just suffers from the shortage. It's Windows and browsers, that use a lot of RAM, and are sloppy about returning it to the pool, when they don't need it any more. Just run Crap Cleaner, and clean up that mess. 90% of the time, that is all you have to do. After that, the machine will run faster, and pictures will show in your email again. CrapCleaner is free, andyou can download it from my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools . Step through the options in Crap Cleaner. Some of the defaults might not be the way you like them. For example, take the checmark off the Cookies, if you want it to leave your bank cookies alone. Just step through all the options and set them the way you like them. It willremember your preferences for next time. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The boss of a major manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting one day, that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning, he went to a local sign shop, bought a small sign that read, "I am the Boss!" and taped it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that read, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Craft Projects in Zippered Bags Save the zippered bags that linens and drapes come in to keep knitting and crocheted projects in that are in various stages of completion. It is easy to see the contents of the bag, unlike a box or other container. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did, sir." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap- ped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't lay a brick to save his life!"

» Original Organic Cookware







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Email address for business purposes 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 23

Received an interesting email from Lillemor.
Apparently Social Scientists had been puzzling over the
reason, why there was absolutley no looting and mayhem
in Japan after the earthquake and tsunami.
They finally figured it out. There is no entitlement class
in Japan. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them." --- P. J. O'Rourke "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" --- Abraham Lincoln Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."
Get rid of moles, warts, skin tags, any skin blemishes at home, without surgery. Fast and permanent results in 3 days. Fully guaranteed! No-Moles might be the ideal gift from you to you!

During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help her God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." Yes, I know you quite well." "The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him. " "The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail, and I will personally throw the key into the river."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Olivia Ornelas, 18 Drunk Blames DUI Crash On "Twilight" Snub Early Saturday morning, a deputy with the Kendall County Sheriff’s Office spotted the 18-year-old Illinois woman’s car in a ditch off Route 71. “Upon further investigation,” the cop determined that Ornelas “was driving with no right front tire and was extremely intoxicated.” According to a sheriff’s report, Ornelas offered an excuse, of sorts, for her erratic behavior: “Ornelas advised that she was extremely upset with her boyfriend because she did not see the movie Twilight like they were suppose too.” Ornelas’s excuse did not fly with cops, who charged her with DUI and unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor. Just being stupid does not entitle her to break the law. Ornelas was released from custody Saturday after posting $300 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: How important is a specific email address Dear Webby The instructor at the business course, that I am taking in the evening, told me to either get rid of my yahoo address, or consider myself kicked out of the course. I am used to my yahoo address and know how to handle it, plus all my friends have it in their address books. I don't see why I should change it. Do you? Amanda Dear Amanda Do you want to gossip with your friends, who never buy anything from you, or do you want to run a business? You can keep your gossip address on the side, but never use it for business purposes. Look at yourself! Would YOU buy anything from somebody, who just has a Yahoo or AOL address, and hides their real identity? Of course not. The same goes for everybody else. If you are just a silly yahoo, who hides her identity, then you can't be trusted. Get yourself a domain name. They are only $10 per year, if you know a good registrar like me, and put up at least a tiny business card site. A small site like that is about $4.50 a month, and I will even write your first pages for you, if you can email me the information, you want on it. Once you have your business name and your address up there, like a real and legitimate business, THEN people can trust you. I agree with your instructor. Make up your mind, whether you want to be a silly yahoo gossiping a bit, or whether you want to go into business. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Every policeman will swear this actually happened to someone in their precinct. When police recruits get out of school, they are partnered with a training officer. They must remember street names, so that they'll be able to call in their location at all times. As they are driving along the training officer suddenly stops and yells, "Bang, bang, I'm dead." His new recruit is a real jam, because he's lost track of their location. So, he says, "Bang, bang, I'm dead, too." Doesn't work, he still gets points off for that night's work.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags in Place When I buy trash bags that don't like to stay in place, I simply measure off a length of elastic, sew it together and fit it over the trash can. When the bag is put into the can we simply pull the elastic over the edges and this keeps it from moving. We never take the elastic off, (except to clean it) we simply push it down a little, lift out the bag, and replace it. By Gem from VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposals a number of times. He began what can only be called a "Campaigning" and sent her a small token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the FedEx man.

» Living Root Bridges







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Is Mapquest broken? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 22

Happy 85th birthday, Sir Squirrel!

Finally got some wind from the West!
Snow and leaves are headed across the prairies now.
Get the snow shovels ready, Toronto and Chicago!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Admitting you're wrong is a modest way of showing you've grown a litter wiser. --- Socratex "A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no brain." --- Robert Heinlein
Thanks to Joann for this one: During my training as a medical-group receptionist, I was told never to recommend one of our doctors over another, but simply state who had available appointments. One day a woman came in and looked at me conspiratorially. "I'm a nurse," she whispered, "and I know the staff always knows which doctors are good and which aren't. Who do you think I should see?" Knowing my supervisor was listening close by, I tried to sound most professional. "Oh, I'm sorry," I replied. "I can't recommend any of our doctors." "Well, you must know!" she said, heading for the door.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michelle Watson, 24, in Prescott, AZ Winner of free room and board for the winter at the Yavapai County Jail After Kneeing Cop In Groin, Arizona Drunk Driver Poses For Beatific Booking Pic The 24-year-old motorist had an eventful Thursday evening, according to cops in Prescott, Arizona. The intoxicated Watson, driving a Honda Civic, allegedly: * Hit “numerous curbs” and drove on the sidewalk * Said, “I don’t have to walk fucking anywhere” when approached by a cop * Shoved an officer after declining to take field sobriety tests * Had to be taken to the ground while scuffling with a cop * Kneed a second officer in the crotch while being handcuffed * Repeatedly cursed at police * Kicked the inside of a squad car Despite all this, Watson was beaming and flashing two thumbs up when she posed for the above booking photo at the Yavapai County Jail (her blood alcohol content was measured at nearly three times the legal limit). As detailed in a Prescott Police Department report, Watson was charged with aggravated assault on a cop, resisting arrest, and “DUI-super extreme.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Dora Re: Is Mapquest broken? Dear Webby Is Mapquest broken? Lately it happened more and more often, that Mapquest could not find addresses. Sometimes it refuses to find a NW street and instead insists on going to a SW street in the same town. And similar screw-ups. How do you get around that? Dora Dear Dora Yes, MapQuest is indeed getting rather flakey. These days http://bing.com/maps usually works better. Typical Microsoft, the controls are just a bit different, but it's not too difficult to get used to them. Aerial maps are OK for major cities, but rather pathetic for rural areas. For the bird eye view you may have to go back to MapQuest orGoogle Earth. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Girlfriend: Two of the best things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. Boyfriend: Oh? And which is this?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Grounds to Deodorize Refrigerator Odors in the fridge or freezer will be gone overnight if you place a dish of used coffee grounds in a bowl and place it in the center of the refrigerator/freezer. It works better then baking soda! By DCW816 from Hampton, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy was talking to her girlfriend....."My psychiatrist told me yesterday that the way to achieve true inner peace is to always finish what I start. I think I'm getting the hang of it-- So far today I've finished a bag of cheetos, a six-pack of beer, and the chocolate cake I baked for my mother's birthday party tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and minivans, which has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy. One day as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"

» Chocolate Haunts 4 Globe Trotters







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The Power Of Mathematics 

MOVIE TEST:

Be honest and don't look at the movie list below till you have done the math.

Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite.

This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you would enjoy the most.

It really works!




Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.




Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Now, ain't that something...?




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Menu for many links 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 21

Another Gullible Whining Myth shot to hell.
The supposedly vanished caribou are doing just fine at their
alternate calfing grounds, just like the natives have been 
saying all along. 

The clueless fear mongers and grant recipients apparently 
don't understand that a lot of things in Mother Nature operate 
with a lag. Caribou keep going back to their cafing grounds 
for a number of years, but because in the high North their 
droppings don't compost very quickly, the ground gets a bit 
over saturated with organic fertilizer, and gets rater smelly.

So they go to a different area for calfing. No big deal,
when that one gets too crappy in 30 years or so, they may
come back to a previous one, or find some brand new one. 
The Arctic is plenty big enough.

By the way, Caribou don't mind oil exploration at all. 
They themselves are oil experts too and seek oil puddles
to roll in for bug protection. They have been doing that 
for thousands of years.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. Your date willl look a lot better to you. --- Socratex Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage. --- Socratex
A four year old kid ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know." "I know," said the child, wise beyond his years, "but there must be 'leventy-seven mothers in the store. Your are the only Marian mother!"
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. A friend was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these door you can fit through!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Pamela D. Copes, 33, of Albany, NY Stolen car driven to court COLONIE -- In need of a ride to court, an Albany woman and two friends allegedly stole a car. Colonie police received a call at 5:14 p.m. Wednesday from officers in Albany. A stolen car with an OnStar global positioning system indicated that the car was in Colonie at 243 Wolf Road. A short time later, it had been moved to 312 Wolf Road, the address of the town's Public Safety Center. Police found the car in THEIR parking lot and arrested three suspects. One of those arrested, Pamela D. Copes, 33, of Albany, had a court appearance in Colonie Justice Court for two previous arrests. The car is a white 2007 Chevrolet Impala four-door sedan valued at $12,325. The car was reported stolen from 427 Second Ave., Albany, at 6:52 a.m. Wednesday. Copes is charged with criminal possession of stolen property in the third degree, a felony. Copes was in court answering charges from an incident on March 28 that includes unlawfully fleeing a police officer in the third degree, reckless driving and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle in the third degree, all misdemeanors. She also was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, a violation. Copes also faced charges filed Feb. 19 of petit larceny and endangering the welfare of a child, both misdemeanors. The other two charged in the stolen car case are Michael Oglesby, 45, of Albany and Andrea M. Dixon, 44, of Colonie. Both face a misdemeanor count of third-degree unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. All three were arraigned in Colonie Town Court. Oglesby was sent to Albany County jail without bail; Copes was sent to the same jail in lieu of $2,500 bail, and Dixon was released on an appearance ticket.
Tech Support Pits: From: Melissa Re: More than one HOME link Dear Webby I have to check a bunch of sites every morning, and need something as quick as the HOME button on the browser. I know, I can add a few links below the address bar, but I need a lot more than that. Also, I need that list of sites available on more than one machine, at different locations. What solution do you recommend? Thanks Melissa Dear Melissa Just make a simple web page. For $2 a month you can get a subdomain, for example http://melissa.dawna.com Once you have a site, you can do anything. Just make a simple menu page like you see at http://showbird.com That's just a domain I want to sell, but I doubt, that anybody can afford it before the next election. So I am just using it to hold links to interesting bird and plane sites. HTML is as easy as falling into bed. To make a link like the ones you see there, for example to the Aircraft Ballet at Night at http://tinyurl.com/airnight you type: (without the dot after the "<" ) <.a href="http://tinyurl.com/airnight">Aircraft Ballet At Night<./a> The result, once you have remembered to delete the periods, looks like this in any browser: Aircraft Ballet At Night Simple enough? Dragging your page up to your $2 domain is as easy as dragging it to a different folder. Adding extra text to or after the links is simple. You just type it. <.BR> makes a line break. All of HTML is just as simple as that. And if you have anything really tricky to do, ask. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on the college notice board at the beginning of each semester. One read: "Introduction to Psychology, $8, never used." The card was signed, "Must sell." The next day a note had been added: "Good price. Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed, "Prospective buyer." Below in a different hand was: "Positive!" Signed, "Professor who graded his exam."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Here is a good ol classic! Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
R E S U M E B O O - B O O S "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "I am a rabid typist." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

» Scentual Assault


2011 STOL competition Best total takeoff and landing distance was a mere 78 feet. That’s 43 feet for the takeoff and 35 feet for the landing.





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My Kind Of Yard Sale 

A man was out taking a walk, when he came upon a beautiful, large house in a classy neighborhood.

Suddenly, he was shocked to see a nude couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple behind some bushes near the house, and another couple behind a tree.

He walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. When an attractive, well dressed woman answered the door, he asked what kind of place this was.

"This is a bordello," the Madam replied.

"Well then, what's all this out on the lawn?" he asked.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today!" she explained.



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FireFox crashes fixed 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 20

It was -20 and we had a very nasty wind from the East. So,
since I got a check for $20 for the banner ads, so I decided 
to do my daily walk inside at Costco and get some groceries.
I sure do like the way they have their sample stations set up 
about every 1/8 to 1/4 mile. It's not the fastest way to shop,
but sure is fun!

Afterwards I was treated to an orange sun just above the 
horizon, flanked by beautiful sun dogs and topped by a tall
lance. You only get that, when it's really cold and there 
are lots of long ice crystals in the air. 

This is how sun dogs look like. Sometimes they have more
of a rainbow effect to them.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Chance only favors a prepared mind" --- Louis Pasteur People try to rain on your parade, because they have no parade of their own. --- Jeffrey Gitomer
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I kicked the TV and broke my leg."
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what he should do next. His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was a complete disaster." His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?" And the young man said, "Oh, she came over, but she can't cook either."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Marlene Annette Culver, 28 in Gainesville, FL Incomplete 911 call leads to arrest on drug, weapons charges Alachua County sheriff’s deputies who were responding to an incomplete 911 call Sunday reported finding more than 1 pound of marijuana and two guns in the caller’s home. Marlene Annette Culver, 28, was arrested on charges that included possessing marijuana with the intent to sell and possessing an altered firearm. In addition to the marijuana, sheriff’s deputies reported finding a 9mm Ruger handgun, a 9mm Luger “Tec-9” with an altered serial number, a digital scale, an electronic bill counter, a grinder and baggies in Culver’s home. Deputies responded to her Northwest 55th Terrace home at around 9 p.m. A female caller to 911 provided the address of the home and said she had been hit in the face by her boyfriend. She then disconnected, and called back to say that everything was OK but refused to stay on the line, the Sheriff’s Office reported. Culver met arriving deputies in the yard, saying she was not the caller or the homeowner but that everything was OK and deputies could leave. She attempted to interfere with the sweep by actively resisting and was taken into custody, the Sheriff’s Office reported. She later acknowledged she was the homeowner and that there had been an argument with family members that had resulted in her dialing 911, the Sheriff’s Office reported. Culver, who was convicted in 2009 of possessing more than 20 grams of marijuana, was arrested and booked into the Alachua County jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: JJS Re: FireFox Crashes Dear JJS How is your FireFox battle coming along? Are you using RoboForm? I just came across this: You need the latest version of Roboform (7.6.2 or newer) from http://www.roboform.com/download Using an older version may cause Firefox 8 to crash on startup. Have FUN! Hello Webby. I followed the instructions on your last E mail ,got to a folder with all error messages sent and the somehow got to a live chat room for firefox help but no one was on line at the time. So gave it up for a while. Then, received your latest E mail ( below) that I am replying to now. Yes , I do use RoboForm that I learned about from your news letters and am very pleased with it. ( the free version) The version I had installed was 7.5.5 . I upgraded to the latest ,7.6.3 .and guess what ? You hit it right on the head. Firefox came up and is working perfectly. I did not even have to uninstall and reinstall. You sure do have your stuff together and I do appreciate your help. Please feel free to use this E mail in your news letter and edit it as you see fit if you want to . JJS
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On a vacation in Texas Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything really IS bigger in Texas!" As he lifted the burger off the plate, his eyes met the cold stare of the 300-pound waitress and the 5 gallon water pitcher she carried..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scuffs on Linoleum Floors Clean rubber heel marks from kitchen linoleum with a moist cloth dabbed in floor wax. The marks come up and don't leave a dull spot. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction. "$85 for an extraction sir" was the dentist's reply. "Och, huv ye no' got anything cheaper? ! " replies the Scotsman, getting agitated. "But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir", said the dentist. "What about if you didnae use any anaesthetic? ", asked the Scotsman hopefully. "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70", said the dentist. "Hmmmm, what about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still without anaesthetic? " said the Scotsman, "Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism and it'll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40", said the dentist. "Och that's still a bit much, how about if you make it a training session and have your student do the extraction and the other students watching and learning? " said the Scotsman hopefully. "Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case", said the dentist. "Wonderful, it's a deal! " said the Scotsman. . . "Can you book the wife in for next Tuesday?

» Silky Sharks







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Stupid 



I wouldn't say he's stupid, but..

- He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.

- He has an intellect that is rivaled only by eggplants.

- We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every morning.

- He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.

- He sure makes my dog look smart!

- He studied all weekend for a urine test.

- He can't convert 0 feet to meters.

- He was supposed to try out for a part in 'Dumb and Dumber' but forgot to show up.

- He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really will cause hair to grow!!

- When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she was.

- But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.

- He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Shit, I'm bricked in!"

- He stole a free cookie!

- He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number twice!

- It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".

- After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

- He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.

- When his mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the butter outdoors!

- I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.

- When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.

- When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the line.

- But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.

- He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.

- If he had one more IQ he'd be a potted plant.

- He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for indecent exposure.

- Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God, asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.

- He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

- He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock.



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Which font is best for the browser? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 19

Remember that yellow mystery tree a coupleof months ago,
tht nobody could identify?

Sandie did. It is a "Kibra Hacha".
In case you forgot about it, here is the picture again:


Click through the picture for the large version.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Nobody is perfect unless you are in love with them. Nobody is totally imperfect, unless you used to be in love with them --- Socratex
A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. "What's in that box?" a neighbor asks. "A cat," the woman says. "What for?" "I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her neighbor says. The woman turns to her friend and whispers, "So is the cat. I couldn't afford thecat foodand the vet bills for a real one."
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. My son was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these door you can fit through!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Ibis. Maybe something disturbed the ants and they spotted them?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jeffrey Scott, 32, (The "black eye" is mascara, that she applied pre-arrest, just in case the cops didn't hurt real good.) Occupier burglared furniture The 32-year-old “Occupy Pensacola” protester was arrested yesterday on felony burglary and larceny charges for robbing a neighbor’s home of furniture, that he used at the protest group’s encampment outside City Hall. Scott was nabbed shortly after victim Ned English called police to report the theft of a couch, a recliner, four wicker chairs, and four couch cushions from his home, according to an Escambia County Sheriff’s Office report. The deputies had already noticed those items at the protest group’s encampment outside City Hall. When questioned by a deputy, Scott stated, “Yes, I took the furniture. I was going to give it back some day, but haven’t gotten around to it.” Scott, investigators noted, admitted entering English’s home through a rear window, taking the furniture, and using some of the stolen items.” Scott, pictured in the above mug shot, is being held in lieu of $20,000 bond in the county jail. Arrest records list the Virginia native's occupation as "nutritional aid." --------- His buddy, the "Praying Occupier", whose arrest has been featured on countless blogs, turned out to be the nut, who was arrested in Indiana last month for laying face up on a blanket “with his entire genitals showing.” With him officers had found the book “Gay Power,” a “Kroger bottle of extra virgin olive oil,” two cans of Miller beer, and Marlboro cigarettes. He is wanted for jumping bail and failing to appear in court. Do these people think the Bonehead Awards are a dating site?
Tech Support Pits: From: Minka Re: Browser Font Dear Webby, I noticed that you can set the fonts in the browser. What is the best fon? Minka Dear Minka That depends on what you use your browser for. If you are just shopping, researching, goofing around, etc, then Arial is a good font. If you have a small monitor but good eyes, then you can use Tunga. With that you can zoom down smaller than with Arial and still have good, readable text. If you use the broser to test and check your own work, set it to Comix or something silly like that. It will show you instantly, if you forgot to specify any particular font in your work. That happens to everybody, me included. You might want to turn off a font color, but go a step too far and also turn of the font face setting. An obviously goofy font will make that very visible. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Alf for this one: We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the eggs home.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

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How to make High Contrast Links 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, November 18
Time to wear a bit of red 
to show your support for the troops!


It's not really snowing right here, but fine drift snow 
from elsewhwere is settling here. Temperature is -14
right now. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a good idea." --- Mahatma Ghandi There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves. --- Albert Guinon
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

Have you ever noticed that good jokes always come back to you ? This one came back via Kristine: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1957." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kevin Daly, 22, Man Wearing “I'm Not An Alcoholic” T-Shirt Arrested for Drunk Driving A New York motorist wearing an “I'm Not An Alcoholic, I'm A Drunk” t-shirt was arrested early today for drunk driving after he crashed into a police car. Kevin Daly, 22, was nabbed after plowing his 2000 Saturn into a police vehicle on County Road 83 in Suffolk County. A cop in the cruiser was not seriously injured in the 1:45 AM crash. Daly, pictured in the mug shot on top, is not the first drunk driver to get a bonehead award for wearing the “I’m Not An Alcoholic” message t-shirt while driving drunk. In mid-2007, Amanda Lynn Bailey, 41, got a Bonehead Award for getting busted for DUI by Florida cops wearing the same distinctive black garment.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Make links more visible Dear Webby, My links are showing OK, except in the header, which is the same color as my regular links, or nearly so. What can I do to remedy that? Thanks Ann Dear Ann Since you want to change that ONLY in the header, nowhere else on your pages, just change the link background with a style: <. a href="/books/" style="background-color:yellow";>Books<./a> (Leave out the periods after the Smaller Than sign. They are just to make sure some email programs don't act on the code instead of politely showing it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young man took a farm girl into town for a date at a fancy restaurant. While studying the menu she asked, "What's filet mignon?" Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver. Why?"

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 17

We had some snow this morning, that actually looked more
like hail, but was soft. Even though it did not warm up above
freezing, and the sund did not come through the clouds,
by mid afternoon the cold, but very dry wind had evaporated
it all. If ithad been the sun, it would have remained in the 
shade, but since it was the wind, it was gone completely.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others." --- Jacob M. Braude "Stubborness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow." --- Glen Beaman There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else. --- Cullen Hightower
"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "No," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "We have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?" "Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about the connubial." Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation.
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing. "Can you give me a description of him?" asked the officer. "He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures," answered the woman. "Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was...."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32 Drunk again and out of control A Tennessee woman who said she wanted a relationship and did not want to be just “a booty call”--allegedly stabbed a male suitor Tuesday night after he became irate when she put the brakes on his attempts to “touch her suggestively,” police report. By the way, the two are first cousins. Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32, were arrested and charged with aggravated domestic assault following a brawl in Brooks’s home in Rogersville. The combatants are pictured in the above mug shots. Wilson told a sheriff’s deputy that she and Brooks had “gotten into an argument about the status” of their relationship. It was during the argument, Wilson reported, that Brooks “began to touch her suggestively and stated that ‘he wanted her.’” In response, Wilson told her cousin that she “wanted a relationship and did not want to be 'A Booty Call,'” according to a Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office report. The latter comment allegedly infuriated Brooks, who began cursing at Wilson, and then allegedly knocked her to the kitchen floor with a flurry of punches. Fighting back, Wilson grabbed a pair of scissors and slashed away at her cousin’s face, neck, arms, and back. An investigator noted that Wilson and Brooks, who smelled of booze, admitted to consuming significant amounts of Everclear grain alcohol. Since a “primary aggressor” could not be determined, both cousins were arrested. Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after posting $4000 bond. Her cousin remains locked up in the county jail in lieu of $4000 bond. Both are set to be arraigned in Sessions Court later this month.
Tech Support Pits: From Kristine Re: Invisible links Dear Webby, I finally realized that not having a web page is worse than not being in the phone book, it's like having no phone. Making a business card style page was no big deal, I just saved my resume as HTML and uploaded it. That was so easy that my dumb sister's chihuahua could have done it. I made a bunch more pages and now I want some invisible links to those from the front entrance page, some links that only work if somebody has been told where they are hidden and wipes their mouse over them to see them. I know the colors for the background, text and links are set in the line, but that is for the entire page. If I set the link color to the page color, then ALL the links become invisible. How do I get around that? Kristine Dear Kristine use a paint program and capture a little block or bar of page background. Save that as link.gif. Then use that picture instead of the link text. For example: (Delete the periods after the "<", that is just so that the example code shows instead of it being a command) <.a href="page22.html"><.img src="link.gif" border="0"><./a> And that's it. When you want to allow somebody to view page 22, then you just tell them to wipe their mouse over the spot where you got that little block hidden, and click on it when it becomes visible. If you know how to make pictures with transparent background, then you can make one with writing in page background color on transparent background, and even spell out the name of the link. The writing will be invisible until you wipe a mouse over that spot on the page, but it will become visible then, because the selecting inverts the colors. You COULD accomplish the same with styles and a whole bunch of code, but why bother, when you can fake it with a tiny picture? Have FUN! DearWebby
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"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up being the only one, who caught any fish!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cardboard Fabric Liners For Storage Use the inner cardboard liners from bolts of fabrics to store your fabric. Stores will give them to you if you ask. Cut them in half and use them to wrap individual yardages around and store, upright, in those legal-sized cardboard boxes you get from office supply stores. You have only to glance at the top of the box to see what fabric you have in storage and each piece of fabric is the same size and standing straight up in the box. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the beginner how he did. "Well," the man said, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked my wife if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said, 'Yes.' Then I asked her, 'Why?' and she said, 'I know it is a piece of junk, but I'll buy it because I love you'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Old Gas Station The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car -- Just like three gals before. She missed the foot log -- jumped the stream, The owner gave a shout, As her pantyhose, down at her knees Caught on a sassafras sprout. She tripped and fell -- got up, and then in obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. He'd wait until the gals got set, And then the devilish guy Would stop his whittling long enough To speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below Struck terror, fright and fear, "Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here."

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Phony PayPal emails 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 16

On today's walk I sure would have appreciated a bit of 
Gullible Warming. Walking against an icy wind coming 
up from Montana was not comfortable at all. I was seriously
considering checking into the cost of one of those ski masks
worn by bank robbers. 

What is funny, I spent 30 years in the arctic, rode a few 
thousand miles on dog sleds, but never wore one of those
face masks. 
Maybe I should again stop trimming my beard and mustache?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Laurence J. Peter
Thanks to Sandie for sending this: Dearest Redneck Daughter, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not too sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried and hot because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Your Favorite Aunt, Mom
Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide Top Quality How-To Guide On Building Solar Air Heaters. No tricky plumbing, just air. Unless you are in an apartment and not allowed to do basic crafts, this can save you a lot of money! Solar Air Heater Do It Yourself Guide

Thanks to Lillemor for this story: A balding, white haired man from Ft. Lauderdale in Florida , walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.' On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ashley Sedalia Haithcock, 26 in Salisbury, NC Drunk again and out of control ROCKWELL — An intoxicated China Grove woman broke into a Rockwell home Friday night, raided a cookie jar and fell asleep in the homeowner’s bed, authorities say. A Rowan County Sheriff’s Office report said Martha Birtch called the authorities when she found 26-year-old Ashley Sedalia Haithcock in her bed at 2005 Green Field Lane at about 10 p.m. The report said Birtch noticed the sliding glass door was open and a cookie jar inside the home was broken. When Birtch walked inside, she heard a woman’s voice and found Haithcock in her bed, under the covers. Haithcock, 328 Maple Ridge Circle, had gone missing about 7:30 p.m. when her grandfather Arnold called 911. Arnold told officers that Haithcock had been staying with him for the weekend, but got upset Friday night when he prohibited her from drinking. Arnold said he found her drinking wine in the home and said she has a drinking problem, the report said. Authorities said Haithcock disappeared from the 104 Sage Lane home after becoming upset with her grandfather. Deputies could not find the woman and calls to her cell phone went unanswered. As officers traveled to the Birtches’ residence to take Haithcock into custody, the woman became aggressive and began arguing with Birtch and her daughter.The report said Birtch’s daughter was assaulted by Haithcock in the incident. After being taken into custody, Haithcock continued being uncooperative, the report said, and kicked three deputies as they attempted to speak with her. She was charged with misdemeanor breaking and entering, misdemeanor simple assault, misdemeanor assault on a law enforcement officer and misdemeanor injury to personal property. Haithcock was given a $10,000 bond and was in jail on Monday.
Tech Support Pits: From Gerry Re: Phoney PayPal mails Dear Webby I know you mentioned phoney PayPal letters a few times, but I never paid attention because then I didn't have a paypal account. Now I do and today I got an email that looks like it is from Paypal and that asks me to verify details about my account. But it was sent to my other address, not the one I use for PayPal. What's the proper procedure? Gerry Dear Gerry PayPal NEVER asks you to submit any information via email. NEVER click on any links in mails pretending to be from PayPal. If you have MailWasher, then you can see in the preview details that underneath what looks like a link to PayPal, the link actually goes to some number domain. With some email programs you can see those numbers in the status line when you hover the mouse over the link. Real PayPal mail never has links except to https://www.paypal.com They just tell you to log in normally and go to this or that department. If you get phoney PayPal mails, expose the header and forward the mail to spoof@paypal.com Have FUN! DearWebby
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An elderly Italian man asked the local priest to hear his confession. "Father, during World War II a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic." The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son, and you have no need to confess." "It's worse, Father. I was weak and told her she must repay me with her sexual favours." "You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. Heaven, in its wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and evil, and judge you kindly. You are forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question." "And what is that?" "Should I tell her the war is over?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Triangle in Foil Seal on Coffee Cans I have found that coffee cans now have a foil seal under the lid. If you cut a triangle in the foil from the middle to the outside, the coffee grounds don't spill all over when you pour them. Don't cut the triangle too wide. By Vi from Mobridge, SD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to David for this one: An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald and forgetful, they don't recognize you.

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 15

Interesting tidbit from the news:
"Harvard protesters set up their tent city a week after a 
student walkout of Economics 10, an undergraduate 
course taught by Professor Gregory Mankiw, a former 
presidential economic adviser."

Apparenty the kids, who know and understand it all, 
didn't like getting hit with the truth by somebody, 
who had worked all his life, and probably was a 
Dirty Capitalist Pig, just like their parents.

It seems to be a tradition, that teens firmly believe that
their parents are not clued in and don't know anything.
Actually, I have seen even pre-teens show that kind
of behavior and announcing during a temper tantrum, 
that they will stay at the candy counter until they get 
what they want. 

Last time I observed that, I asked the mother if she had
behaved like that too, when she was a silly little brat.
She admitted, that she did, once. So I asked her what 
happend. "My Ma whaled the tar outa me, and when I 
screamed like a stuck pig, everybody in the store laughed,
and some guy offered his gloves to my Ma."

I did have a glove, that I had picked up on the path and stuck
onto a fence post for three days, and adopted, when nobody
claimed it, in my jacket. It was a big, heavy work glove.
When I handed it to the mother, the silly brat got the hint
and got really quiet, really suddenly.

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Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. ---- Albert Schweitzer Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. --- Benjamin Franklin I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell. --- Harry S Truman
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

When I stopped to visit a friend, I found her on the phone with a real-estate agent. "That's a little high!" she e xclaimed. "What can I get for less than $500 a month?" The reply was evidently not to my friend's liking. "I see," she said abruptly, and hung up. "What did the agent say you could get?" I asked. "An old mini-van."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jacob James Winston, 28 Man unhappy with pizza starts fire NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- Nashville police say a man apparently upset over his pizza threw a beer bottle with flammable liquid into the restaurant. Officers said in a news release Monday that it ignited a small fire Sunday night that was quickly extinguished by employees. Police said three employees chased 28-year-old Jacob James Winston a few blocks and subdued him until officers arrived. He was injured in the scuffle and taken to a hospital where he was listed in stable condition. Police said he would face aggravated arson and other charges in the case after his release. They said he has 32 prior arrests since 2006 on various charges.
Tech Support Pits: From JJS Re: FireFox restores to crashing Dear Webby Was having trouble opening Internet explorer and could not open Firefox . Called my Internet provider and they had me reset IE thru the control panel ( Internet options ) and IE works fine now but still cannot open Firefox. When try to open get a message that says it has crashed. Searching the net tells me to open Firefox and then go to help and run it in safe mode to reset. It will not stay open to click on help. Any suggestions ?? Have uninstalled and reinstalled firefox more than once with no help. Have a desktop and two laptops. Laptops work fine but desk top is the problem. Desktop is Win XP and laptops are Win 7 . Thanks and always look forward to your news letters. Hope your health is improving ! JJS Dear JJS Sounds like some virus does not want you to browse and download any anti-virus stuff, that could kill it. Get ready to paste about:config into the address bar, open Firefox and immediately paste that into the address bar and hit ENTER Ignore the goofy warning about voiding the warranty. That is an old April Fools Joke. You will see another address bar lower down, called FILTER. Paste into that one: browser.sessionstore.resume_from_crash It will show browser.sessionstore.resume_from_crash default boolean true Doubleclick on the true to make it toggle to false That will change the default from restoring the previously open tabs to making a clean start. If you have multiple users, you should use that method anyway, to prevent other people from automatically restoring into YOUR signed in Gmail session, if you wander off during a power failure, and they get to the computer before you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My cousin owns a business in Miami, a furniture store. I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to visit a manufacturer and check out the merchandise himself. And maybe he could meet an available young Italian women. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Triangle in Foil Seal on Coffee Cans I have found that coffee cans now have a foil seal under the lid. If you cut a triangle in the foil from the middle to the outside, the coffee grounds don't spill all over when you pour them. Don't cut the triangle too wide. By Vi from Mobridge, SD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
NEWS FLASH! - Dubuque, Iowa - Iowa's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two local Iowa college students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today in Dubuque. Dubuque search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far, most of them dead, and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and co-pilot survived and are helping in the recov- ery efforts.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the current cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough and choke. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the cowboys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head. The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe normally again, the cowboy walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do it before!

» Unscented







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Search Engine Optimizing: Truth or tricks 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it." --- Kin Hubbard "Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind and having holes in one's head?" --- Richard Schultz
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

The cowboy walked into the tack shop. "How much for a pair of spurs?" he asked the sales clerk. "Forty dollars." The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment, then pulled out a twenty. "I'll take one spur." "What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked. The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the horse movin', the other side'll go too."
Thanks to Ralph for this picture: Click through for the large version. We were with an Airstream group that camped on site for 3 days. Being the wind drove the schedule more than the clock we often saw various events before & after the park was open to the general public. It was a wonderful display, I have hundreds of pictures, it is hard to pick favourites. "The bees" balloons are a set of three and they try to launch simultaneously. The Cow balloon took a team of about 10 to get it inflated and airborne. Just amazing. Ralph
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ryan McKenzie, 45, in Broward, FL on stretcher police "boat" in the background Man jumps into New River in failed bid to flee authorities The New River once again Wednesday proved a near-deadly draw for a desperate defendant. Ryan McKenzie, 45, who was in a crowded courtroom for a hearing on previous drug charges, overheard a Border Patrol agent asking about him. Not in custody, the Hollywood man slipped from the room, dashed out of the courthouse and jumped into the New River in an attempt to escape. The move nearly cost him his life. He "appeared in distress and possibly was going to drown," Fort Lauderdale police spokesman Detective Travis Mandell said. "He was able to swim across the river, but then couldn't get out and was showing signs of distress," Mandell said. Police boats and Broward sheriff's deputies arrived. Police officer Rick Rhodes jumped in the water and attached ropes on McKenzie, to winch him onto one of the boats and to safety. He was taken to the hospital for evaluation and is expected to be released into the custody of the Border Patrol. "He's lucky it ended up the way it did," BSO spokeswoman Dani Moschella said. It wasn't the first time the New River, which flows behind the downtown courthouse, has beckoned criminal defendants with the promise of an easy escape. Most of them drowned.
Tech Support Pits: From Rosa Re: Search engine Optimizing Dear Webby My dad's consultant told me that all these Search Engine Optimizers are just con artists who can't make a living with their own web sites, so they are spamming and trying to con money out of people who make money on the web. However, some of those SEOs sound very convincing. I notice that your Mypostcards.com has been at the top of Google for many years and you don't buy ad words and you don't even use meta tags. What's the real scoop? Rosa Dear Rosa Your dad's consultant is very wise. You have to understand that the search engines are not in business to please a bunch of tricksters, but to deliver the content that people are looking for. When you are looking for flower seeds, you want to be shown companies that sell flower seeds, not a bunch of flakey casinos or dating sites. Becaue the search engines are trying hard to deliver the searched for content, they work very hard to defeat the tricksters and keep changing the rules to stay ahead of cheaters. People who spend big money on ad words will often temporarily rise to the top, but usually just very briefly. Don't worry about them. Just focus on having the content that you promise, and you'll stick around near the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two ladies were on their daily exercise stroll. They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as one gets older.One of the woman complained that she remained in a 'pear-shape' no matter what she did, and the other said that no matter how much she exercised, there was too much poundage on her backside and thighs. It almost seemed like it was there to stay. Her buddy agreed, saying, "It's true. It eve says so i the bible! The lard works in mysterious ways."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Wax Residue in Candle Holders I used to have the kindest neighbor who I would visit often. She always had everything decorated so nicely, and she always had candles burning. She told me that she put a little bit of water in the bottom of the glass votive before putting her candle in to prevent the wax from sticking to glass votive and she was right! Source: My older kind neighbor By Beth from Fairfield, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A father from Europe is visiting his son in America for the very first time. They are at the local supermarket going up and down the aisles. Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh orange juice!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und vas dis, powdered milk?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! Dey take da fun outta everyting!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
How come when you mix water and flour together, you get glue... and then you add eggs and sugar... and you get cake? Where did the glue go? NEED AN ANSWER? You know darned well where it went! The glue is what makes the cake... stick to your hips!

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Little Things 

"It's the little things in life that make us happy.
Like watching a child on a swing.
Listening to birds in the trees.
Seeing an Occupier get French-kissed by an air hammer."




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View animations in Outlook 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 13

One subscriber considered the term Flea-Bagger to be
"repulsive". Well, it was not me, who coined it, and it is
not going to go away in our lifetime.

Yes, quite likely, to parents and grandparents of the 
"Urban Protest Outdoors Residents", the term may
be less flattering, than they would prefer.

Obama and the Marxists have been quick to label
the Tea Party members as Tea-Baggers, so naturally
the members of the media have been eager to show off
the quick wits, that they sharpened in countless years 
in college, and labelled the opposite end of the spectrum,
the "Urban Protest Outdoors Residents", as Flea-Baggers.

I don't think they meant to refer to the smell of the sidewalk 
denizens, but just wanted to show off their ability, to make
a simple pun.

Just like nobody is going to stop using the term "Tea-Bagger",
don't expect the term "Flea-Bagger" to disappear. 
It is part of the language now.

The term OWS has not caught on, even with the people
involved. "Are you going tatea-baggerilgating at the arena?"
Nah, we promised to go flea-bagging on Main Street."

Have YOU heard anybody say, they are going "OWS'ing
on Main Street" ? Not likely. That's just not cool.

Just to add to the confusion, one reader reported that some
Marxists are trying to twist the name Tea-Bagger to a very
obscure and obsolete use of the word, not at all related to 
the Tea Party or their aganeda. Apparently, if the Marxists
had their way, the term tea-bagger would become a dirty word,
and they are frantically slobbering all kinds of posts about 
that onto the Internet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. --- Thomas A. Edison By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. " --- Confucius
Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what the problem was. Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done had our first fight last night." Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a fight about?" Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope." Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows dat Clothile is Catholic." Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know de Pope was too."
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

Thanks to Bob for this one: After you've been with someone for awhile, you wind up with your own way of communicating. For example, the other day Mary hollered at me, "What are you looking for in that closet?" "Nothing," I hollered back. "Well," she shouted, "it's not in there. Look under the bed!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Monarch on ButterflyWeed
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Serena Ann Thomas, 30 Mom hid crystal meth in daughter's diaper bag CLEARWATER — She kept crystal meth in her 3-year-old daughter's diaper bag, police said. Serena Ann Thomas, 30, of Clearwater was pulled over by police at 8:27 p.m. Saturday on suspicion of driving under the influence, according to an arrest report. With her in the white 2007 Chevrolet Impala were her 3-year-old daughter and Jamie Marie Davie, 26, of Clearwater. After Thomas consented, a Clearwater police officer searched the car. In the girl's diaper bag, the officer found two bags containing about one gram each of an off-white substance that looked like and tested positive for crystal methamphetamine, according to the report. The officer also found two pipes. Thomas was arrested and faces a charge of possession of crystal meth. Davie faces a charge of possession of oxycodone, a prescription painkiller.
Tech Support Pits: From Michael Re: Outlook and Animated pictures Dear Webby, I had the same problem with animated GIFs in Outlook 2007 and 2010 -- they would not move. The solution is essentially the same as your solution: view the message in a browser. First double click on the message to open it into its own window, then from “Actions” on the Ribbon, choose “Other Actions”, then “View in Browser”. I know you don’t like Outlook, but some of us are required to use it by our employers. It took me 3 years to find this solution; if you publish this, hopefully it will help some others who are less tenacious. Aloha, -mkr Dear Michael If the animation is in email, instead of a folder, then most email programs have the option to view it in your browser. That goes back to the days when Eudora and Pegasus were the only email programs, and Netscape the only browser. In Eudora, for example, you right-click anywhere in the message, and hit S to Send to browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
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I got a really funny spam today: "Subject: no more lying in applications - buy a degree from an accredited university here. There are no required tests, classes, books, or interviews! Get a Bachelors, Masters, MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Wax Residue in Candle Holders I used to have the kindest neighbor who I would visit often. She always had everything decorated so nicely, and she always had candles burning. She told me that she put a little bit of water in the bottom of the glass votive before putting her candle in to prevent the wax from sticking to glass votive and she was right! Source: My older kind neighbor By Beth from Fairfield, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man who suffered from impotence went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him a revolutionary new injection made from monkey glands, which worked perfectly. Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby. When the nurse came out of the delivery room with the news, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" "We won't know until your kid comes down off the chandelier."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said. "Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick." "What did you do?" "I hid his teeth!"

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Thanksgiving Day – 2022 

[Something to think about this November 24th]



Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her husband. "In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered. Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington.

Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its "unseemly violence" and the "bad example it sets for the rest of the world," Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting.

Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another Tofu Turkey. Even though it was the best type of Veggie Meat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat pie), it wasn't anything like real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name of "Thanksgiving Day" to "A National Day of Atonement" in 2020 to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims' historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.

Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats [which were monitored and controlled by the electric company] be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.

Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. "The RHC's resources are limited," explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. "Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I'm sorry for your loss."

Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines-for everyone but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.

Thankfully, Winston's brother, John, and his wife were flying in. Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added "inconvenience" was an "absolute necessity" in order to stay "one step ahead of the terrorists." Winston's own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for "unequal scrutiny," even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.

The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact. "A living Constitution is extremely flexible," said the Court's eldest member, Elena Kagan. " Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example," she added.

Winston's thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.

His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were "just around the corner," but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn't help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to "spur economic growth." This time they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.

Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life "fair for everyone" realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.

.....He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around2011, when all the real nonsense began. "Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just said, 'Enough is Enough', when we had the chance," he thought.

Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.



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Which drivers do I need? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
A Salut to all Veterans!



In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.
         

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. --- Doug Larson The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture. That's no small feat for a non plumber! Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my four-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work any better than before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just rescued and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the green one, too"? he asked.
H Miracle: Nature's Method to CURE Hemorrhoids. Yes, CURE, not just suppress the symptoms, but cure them for good. Use the H Miracle and end that nuisance.

"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor."
Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amber Bush, 26, in Moulton,AL Facebook Posts Lead to Arrest Moulton, AL - Lawrence County Sheriff's Investigators say some online detective work led them to a theft arrest this week. According to Sheriff Gene Mitchell, deputies were contacted this week about a set of golf clubs that were lent to a woman, and then never returned to the rightful owner. The woman who allegedly had the clubs - 26 year old Amber Bush - denied having them when investigators spoke with her. However, a short time later, deputies discovered Bush had made several posts on Facebook, claiming she had the clubs and had no intention of returning them. After questioning her again, Bush reportedly confessed to the theft and was arrested on Wednesday. Even though she thought she was too cute for jail, she is being held in the Lawrence County Jail on a $2500 bond since Nov 9. So far, none of her friends and victims has been in a hurry to lend her the required $250 (10% of the bond).
Tech Support Pits: From Ralph Re: Which drivers do I need? Dear Webby, I have an older Sony VAIO PC running XP, SP3 and I am finding devices like my camera, usb memory card reader and an android tablet will not connect to it. Literature on the devices says it will connect with any usb port. I have gone to the Sony esupport site for my computer to downloaded the latest to no avail. I really think they stopped supporting it some time ago judging by the dates on their files. Where can I find the proper drivers for free? I always seem to end up downloading a program that scans my computer but then wants money and a lot of personal information before they will say where the resources actually are. How do I find out if my hardware / firmware will actually support new drivers? Thanks Ralph Dear Ralph The drivers have to be from the peripheral device makers, like the camera, card reader, etc. However, if even a new card reader does not work, I would seriously suspect your USB port to have a hardware or connection problem. I would check to see if the connector to the USB port has come loose from the motherboard. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It´s too hot. It´s too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin´ ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it´s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can´t be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can´t kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you´ll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you´ve kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma´am," the frustrated guide said, "but I´ve sat on it!!!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Saw from Sticking in Sappy Wood A little kerosene and used crankcase oil dripped onto its blade will keep a saw from sticking and binding as you cut hedges and other sappy wood. Source: Grandpa By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer, approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, "Fer Chris sakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener! You'll be walking for a year now. Git out!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Marilee for this story: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom. And wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked so adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror -wearing nothing but a camera!

» Fall Cams







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