Friday, December 27, 2013, 11:52 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, December 27.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a 27 year old who got jailed for "Knockout Game"
Attack On 79-Year-Old Victim
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
--- Herb Cohen
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Ole was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
The doctor said, "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then
skip a day and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next
time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds."
When Ole returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly
60 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you
follow my instructions?"
Ole nodded, "Ya, but I tell you, I taut I vud drop dead
dat tird day!"
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, da hunger vas one ting, but vat really got to me
was all dat skippin!'"
Ester's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her
name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery,
she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.
The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had
$20,000 left just a few days before Cohen died.
How could you be broke?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000.
And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the
temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the
memorial stone."
The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness,
how big was it?"
Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."
Thanks to Lillemor for this:
Click on the picture for the large version
Swedish Sledding
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Conrad Alvin Barrett, 27, Houston, Texas
a 27 year old who got jailed for
"Knockout Game" Attack
on 79-Year-Old Victim
he Texas man charged with a federal hate crime for an
alleged “knockout game” attack on a 79-year-old black victim
was identified by police after he showed video of the assault
to a stranger in a restaurant--a man who turned out to be an
off-duty arson investigator who immediately flagged down a
cop to report the brutal crime.
A federal criminal complaint accuses Conrad Alvin Barrett,
27, of punching the elderly man in the head on November 24
(the blow left the victim with two jaw fractures and cost
him three teeth). The man underwent surgery “to insert two
metal plates in his jaw,” and spent several days in the
hospital, according to an affidavit sworn by FBI Agent
Alfred Tribble.
Barrett, whose rap sheet includes prior convictions for
burglary and drunk driving, is pictured in the above mug
shot.
Barrett’s phone, which was seized by police after the tip
from the arson investigator, contained several incriminating
videos, including a clip showing him approaching an “elderly
African American man” and asking, “How’s it going, man?” As
he gets closer to the victim, “a loud smack is heard, and the
victim falls to the ground,” reported Tribble, who added,
“Barrett laughs, says 'knockout,' and then flees in his
vehicle.”
Other videos on Barrett’s phone appear to show him plotting
a “knockout” attack. “The plan is to see if I were to hit
a black person, would this be nationally televised?” he
comments in one clip. “In other videos, Barrett uses the
word ‘nigger’ and states that African Americans ‘haven’t
fully experienced the blessings of evolution,’” according
to Agent Tribble.
Another video shows Barrett driving around a mall parking
lot, saying that he was trying to work up the “courage” to
play the “knockout game.” At one point, Barrett remarks
that he had “found the perfect African American suspect,”
but he then apparently changes his mind about attacking
the target.
If convicted of the felony charge, Barrett faces a maximum
of 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. He is scheduled
to make an initial appearance today in U.S. District Court
in Houston.
Tech Support Pits
From: Andree
Re: Why not use the flash with modern cameras?
Dear Webby,
on modern cameras the built in flash works automatically,
whenever it is needed. So why all this fuss about external
slave flashes and tripods and whatnot?
Andree
Dear Andree
Have you ever been on a small airplane and watched the shadow
of the airplane on the ground? Did you notice that for a fairly
large area around the shadow of the airplane, the trees had
no shadows, and no contrast, and looked like flat and squashed
grass bushels?
A camera flash does exactly the same. No side light, no shadows
and no contrast. Faces in the center have the "Deer in the
headlights" appearance.
That is why the better photographers have ever since the days of
the Magnesium flash pans a couple hundred years ago held the
flash as far off to the side and up as they could reach.
With cameras, that have reasonably large lenses to let in more
light, you can turn off or tape down the flash, and force them
to re-calculate and make due with ambient light. As long as
you are aware of where that ambient light is coming from, you
can often get away without further help.
However, if you want to take pictures of people in a darkish
room, for example by the light of a Christmas tree, or
candellight, then you will see that the camera lengthens
the exposure time quite rudely.
Most people can hold still a few seconda, but if you shake
the camera the tiniest bit, the pictrue will be fuzzy.
That is why you need a tripod or sand baggie to totally
avoid ANY camera shake in dim lighting.
The same also goes for long zoom shots.
Take your longest fishing rod and use it to turn a light
switch off and on. Did you realize what kind of jittery
fumbler you are? Now imagine, that your fishing rod was
a few miles long, and how wildly you would be jittering
there. You could not paint a deer or even an elephant
on the other side of the valley.
To get sharp pictures with long zoom shots it is a good
idea to use a tripod or small sand baggie. An old, well
worn leather purse, that is no longer slippery, and filled
with sand or sugar, makes a great camera cushion. You can
nestle the camera into it until it points just right,
set the self timer to 3 or 5 seconds, clcick it and
stand back.
THAT is what those short self timer settings are for,
not for sprinting around and into the pictrue.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Food Scraps for Chickens
If you know anyone that has chickens, save ALL your scraps,
peelings, and fruit skins and give them to the chicken's
owner. This keeps my garbage disposal and septic clean
and the chickens have fruits and vegetables year round.
Everyone is a winner!
By The Red Head from Bozeman, MT
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The girl said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you
sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth."
"Of course," explained Grandpa.
"How else can I catch my teeth???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the
bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom,
you should say something nice to him."
The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand
on his son-in-law's arm and said,
"No deposit, no return."
A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first
time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began
undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming
examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments
over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door
and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient
up and down carefully and appreciatively.
"Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me
that until today you have never had an eye examination."
Wishing you a Cool Yule ana Frantic Foist! from Dianne!
Today, December 27, in
1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific
aboard the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage
helped him form the basis of his theories on evolution.
1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for childbirth
for the first time. The event was the delivery of his own child
in Jefferson, GA.
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen.
1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party.
1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in North
Conway, NH.
1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed
by 28 nations.
1947 The children's television program "Howdy Doody," hosted
by Bob Smith, made its debut on NBC.
1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to
Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule.
1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a steering
wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle of its
kind to be placed in service for mail delivery.
1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with
the loss of 13 lives.
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy
after 40 years of dictatorship.
1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak
Karmal succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was
overthrown and executed.
1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and
Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed,
including five of the attackers, who were killed by police
and security personnel.
1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the
Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi
warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace
over southern Iraq.
1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the strategic
air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone around
Kabul, the Afghanistan capital.
2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the
National Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years
of retirement. He was the first owner-player in the modern
era of pro sports. Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh
Penguins during his retirement from playing.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent
normal trade status with the United States.
2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the
country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable
of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons.
2002 Clonaid announced the birth of the first cloned human baby.
The baby had been born December 26.
2013 smiled.
Thursday, December 26, 2013, 12:21 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 26.
Remember your elbow pads if you go watch the insanity at
the stores. Don't bother with Walmart. I heard that they
don't reduce prices for Boxing Day, the prices are set to
the maximum, that they can get away with, and they have no
intention to go below that.
However, many other stores are bound to have good fights
going on.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a 20 year old who got jailed for Breaking a Baby's
Leg For Interrupting his Video Game
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Has the panic subsided?
Here it hasn't but I expect things to slow down by late
afternoon. I might even have a well deserved nap.
I am hoping anyway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--- Saint Augustine
There are two types of people--
those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!'
and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
--- Frederick L Collins
Economics is extremely useful as a form of
employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
A husband is like a fire,
he goes out when unattended.
--- Evan Esar
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few
days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for
a while when he came into the house and asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when two people are
sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him
the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK"
and went back outside to talk and play with the other
kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said
angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse!
It's called Bunk Beds!"
"And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"
Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough.
During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits
for a single penny found in his area.
Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure,"
ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined,
and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Paul Anthony Lajeunesse, 20, Floriduh
20 year old got jailed for Breaking Baby's
Leg For Interrupting Video Game
A 20-year-old man has been arrested for allegedly breaking
a four-week-old baby boy's leg while changing a diaper.
Paul Anthony Lajeunesse was charged with aggravated child
abuse on Monday stemming from the incident on Dec. 11.
Police claim he admits to wounding the child for crying as
he tried to play games on an Xbox.
Lajeunesse's grandmother was babysitting at the time so the
child's mother could attend school, CitrusDaily.com reported.
However, the grandmother said it was Lajeunesse's
responsibility to change diapers.
Lajeunesse was arrested and ordered not to have contact with
the victim. It is not clear what his relationship with the
child is, but he lives at the same address as the child and
its mother, WTSP-TV reported.
The grandmother also said that the baby boy tended to cry
whenever Lajeunesse changed the diapers, possibly because he
was holding the kid's legs up too high.
He allegedly admitted to investigators that he took the infant
into another room to change its diaper and heard a "pop" when
he lifted a leg. After that, the leg went limp.
X-rays taken at an area hospital confirmed a fracture on the leg.
The boy had to go through surgery and was released Dec. 13 with
a waist cast, according to CitrusTimesOnline.com.
Tech Support Pits
From: Renee
Re: Camera tripod bolt
Dear Webby,
You mentioned it once before a few years ago, but I forgot.
What type of special bolt is used on a tripod to hold the
camera? I don't have a tripod, but I want to use a
stepladder for taking the Christmas pictures. I have an
older Canon G2 with a remote control key-fob, if that
makes a difference.
Renee
Dear Renee
It makes no difference. All cameras use the common
1/4" coarse ( 1/4" x 20) bolt, no matter where the camera
was made.
The trick is to use a long bolt and a wing nut.
Use the wing nut below a step, a washer or two above the
step, then the camera Turn the bolt just barely
finger tight into the camera, point the camera, and then
tighten the wing nut. Gently.
Better than bolting the camera to your ladder, bolt it to
a big alligator clamp, like they are used for welding cables
or automotive jumper cables. That gives you more ways
to adjust and aim the camera.
Considering how cheap tripods have become recenty, check out
table-top tripods. You can easily put one of them onto a
step ladder or shelf.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing Pre-Lit Christmas Tree
Here is your solution. Find the non-removable bulb with the
white socket. It is the last one on the strand, I believe
the "non-replacable" white bulb exists only so that you have
to buy a new tree ever four years. :(
You will find that it's blackened or burned and causing your
problem.
Wiggle out the bulb, then dig out the socket with a pair of
pliers. Be careful not to destroy the socket. Take your time,
wiggle it loose. Stick any replacement bulb into that socket
and, BAM, your tree will be perfect again!
By DrFriedrichs
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Recently my friend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware
store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our
friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my
brother."
On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk
and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?"
When she looked at me quizzically, I added,
"I'm her brother."
She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm quite pleased to meet
you! I'm Karen's mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was
asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway
toward you, what would you do?"
Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!"
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?"
Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train."
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices
that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.
He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it
comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding
proceeds hot and heavy with someone always
bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot
is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes
to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer,
"Can the bird talk?"
The auctioneer replied,
"Who do you think was bidding against you...?"
Today, December 26, in
1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to found
Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor.
1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of
Trenton during the American Revolutionary War.
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium.
1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over operation
of the nation's railroads.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing
dominion of Great Britain.
1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime minister
to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress.
1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the
North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape.
1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States, burying
New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16 hours. The
severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths.
1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to overthrow
the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters were killed.
1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the country
out of existence.
1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to the
Palestinian Authority.
1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found
beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home
in Boulder, CO.
2000 Michael McDermott, age 42, opened fire at his place of
employment killing seven people. He had no criminal history.
2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The announcement
was made the December 27 by Clonaid.
2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake sent
500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of Bengal.
The tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a dozen
countries, including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra,
Thailand and India.
2013 smiled.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013, 10:59 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 25.
Merry Christmas!
Forgot a Christmas Gift for somebody?
Try this, download it, burn it onto a CD and
give it to them as a gift!
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Bookhttp://webby.com/cbYou can download it and give the file as a gift!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a 19 year old 2014 Mercedes driver, who was seriously
speeding and attracted the ire of the cops to his dope.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Has the panic subsided?
Here I expect things to slow down by late afternoon.
I might even have a well deserved nap.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Always do right. This will gratify some people
and astonish the rest.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
"Seasons Greetings" is a snowball onto the snout of a bigot.
From me to you, it's Merry Christmas!
and happy Hannukah!
--- DearWebby
The best way of removing negativity is to
laugh and be joyous.
--- David Icke
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
>From Mina
This guy drives up to his house and where he parks is full
of snow. So he parks in a nearby parking lot and walks back
home to shovel out a car-sized space in front of his house.
It takes hours to shovel, but finally done, he walks back to
the lot to get his car. When he returns home, he finds that
the space has been taken by some other car. He is, well,
upset.
What most people do is write nasty notes etc. and place them
on the windshield of the offending vehicle. Police sometimes
get involved however, when the individual vents his wrath in
somewhat more violent means. Tires and throats have been
slashed over this. This guy decides to get creative.
Instead of doing the usual nasty, he got out his garden hose
and watered the automobile down, real well. I mean, very,
very thoroughly. Inside too! He pried open a side window wide
enough to get the hose inside. The water of course froze solid.
In between hosing the inside, he worked dilligently on the
outside.
When the owner returned, instead of a car, he found a mini-bus
sized Popsicle.
There was no note incriminating anybody.
My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping
would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice
while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see
how he was managing, and he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted
it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards,
scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had
a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager
than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making
the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer
before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do
all the rest."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Alain Cassagnol, 19, from long Island, now in an SC jail
Seriously Speeding while carrying dope
DECEMBER 23--An unwise motorist was arrested early today
after a traffic stop revealed that his Mercedes-Benz
contained frankincense, myrrh, and marijuana, according
to South Carolina police.
Around 12:30 AM, Alain Cassagnol, 19, was spotted by a
Myrtle Beach cop driving 103 mph in a 45 mph zone.
Cassagnol was arrested for speeding after officers directed
him to exit his car, a white 2014 Mercedes sedan.
When Cassagnol stepped out of the Mercedes-Benz, cops
detected a “strong odor of marijuana emanating from his
person.”
Asked if he was in possession of any narcotics, Cassagnol
“stated yes and stated the drugs were in his pants by his
groin.” An officer then retrieved a clear baggie containing
5.4 grams of pot.
Investigators also seized a bottle of frankincense and myrrh
incense spray from inside the vehicle. Known as “Blunt Block,”
the product is usually used to mask the odor of burnt
marijuana.
Pictured in the above mug shot, Cassagnol was charged with
speeding and marijuana possession. He is currently locked up
in the Horry County jail on $649 bond.
The teenager, who gave his home address as a Long Island
residence, has several social media accounts peppered with
pot references.
Tech Support Pits
From: Earl
Re: What to do when a link freezes the computer?
Dear Webby,
Super great newsletter. I have a problem, a friend sent
me a link which I clicked on and it locked up my computer.
How can I unlock it? hope you can help I am running
windows 7, it asked me if I want to allow windows to make
a change on my computer and I unpluged it. I am sending
this from another computer.
Thanks Earl
Dear Earl
Let's hope you unplugged it fast enough.
Until you plug it in again, there is no way to guess,
if it got taken over by malware or not.
Try it, and tell me what happened then. You can't do any
fixing without turning it on anyway.
Keep in mind, you are on Juno, which has pathetically slow
and erratic connectivity. Quite possibly the link went to
a site, that had a small but demanding video on it, and your
browser just stalled. Especially if you use IE, that would
appear as if the computer hit an iceberg and froze.
Start up normally and run a thorough malware check with a
reputable checker like McAfee. Once all seems OK, you can
go on as if nothing has happened, but I would stay away
from that link, while you are on Juno.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing Pre-Lit Christmas Tree
Here is your solution. Find the non-removable bulb with the
white socket. It is the last one on the strand, I believe
the "non-replacable" white bulb exists only so that you have
to buy a new tree ever four years. :(
You will find that it's blackened or burned and causing your
problem.
Wiggle out the bulb, then dig out the socket with a pair of
pliers. Be careful not to destroy the socket. Take your time,
wiggle it loose. Stick any replacement bulb into that socket
and, BAM, your tree will be perfect again!
By DrFriedrichs
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Bernice for this story:
My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at
my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and
I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked
for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500
employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather curtly.
After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name.
"Danielle," she said.
"And your last name?" I asked.
"Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names."
"Fine!", I told her. "Tell Ian that if he doesn't call me in
ten minutes I will blow his fu*****g ass off."
and slammed the phone.
He called in two minutes.
-----------------------
Yeah, when a woman says "Fine!",
men know there is going to be trouble.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last,
he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most
momentous of all questions.
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,"
he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the
companionship of another being . . . a being who will regard
one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's
absolute property; who will be kind and faithful when
times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows . . ."
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement and said, " I think it's a
great idea. Of course I will help you choose a puppy dog."
A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only.
The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large
picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and
grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket
was above the man's head.
Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly
declined as she was only going a short distance.
Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt
something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit
beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it,
looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?"
She replied, "No, no, puppies."
Today, December 25, in
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor in Rome
by Pope Leo III.
1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England.
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy.
1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the
Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian
forces at Trenton, NJ.
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time,
at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional
pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion
that resulted in the Civil War.
1896 John Philip Sousa finally titled the melody
"The Stars and Stripes Forever."
1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed
an unofficial truce and even playing football together on
the Western Front.
1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death
of his father Emperor Taisho.
1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid,
New York opened to the public.
1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese.
1946 W.C. Fields died at the age of 66.
1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington,
DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188,000,000.
1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an earthquake.
Over 10,000 people were killed.
1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife,
Elena, were executed following a popular uprising.
2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by
fire at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang.
The incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.
2013 smiled.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013, 01:14 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 24.
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Bookhttp://webby.com/cbYou can download it and give the file as a gift!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Floriduh Escort and her robber / killer accomplices
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Time to get serious about wtrapping or clicking!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality.
--- Clifton Fadiman (1904 - 1999)
Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.
--- Louis L'Amour (1908 - 1988)
It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita,
let's do Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love
you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied
Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll
do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year !
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse,
broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her
not to climb any stairs.
Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.
"Yes," he replied.
"Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying
up and down that stupid drainpipe!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Koral ben Shimon, Ilmart Christophe, Jefty Joseph in
Greenacres, Floriduh
Jailed for robbery, kidnapping, murder
A 31-year-old Coconut Creek man was kidnapped, robbed and
killed after meeting up with a woman who advertised herself
as an escort on Backpage.com, deputies say.
Koral Ben Shimon, 20, who wrote on the website that she was
"looking to have an amazing time," admitted setting Gustavo
Cabral up to be robbed by two armed men, according to a Palm
Beach County Sheriff's Office arrest report.
He ended up shot in the head in the garage of an abandoned
Lake Worth house, though it's not clear who pulled the
trigger.
Ben Shimon, of Greenacres, was arrested Wednesday, joining
alleged accomplices Ilmart Christophe and Jefty Joseph,
who are already in jail in connection with the Dec. 1 murder.
All are charged with homicide.
The two men, both 20 and from Lake Worth, have each blamed
the other for the shooting, their arrest reports said. Ben
Shimon told investigators she didn't know Christophe and
Joseph planned to kill Cabral and wasn't there when he was
shot. She just set Cabral up.
Cabral was forced to increase his credit card credit limit
and then withdraw the maximum at various banks the trio
drove him to prior to driving him to the garage, where they
killed him with five shots to the head.
Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Shading Camera LCD
Dear Webby,
I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun.
Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I
have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what
I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before
actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back.
Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare
on the LCD screen?
Thanks for the letter & help section.
Merry Christmas to a good friend.
Sharon
Dear Sharon
Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a
photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear
a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight,
cool black or navy satin.
You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera
is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if
you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can
also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff
leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward.
You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk
scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on
the outside and lined with black on the inside.
A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough
to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another
photographer. You'll never get it back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Work in a Soup Kitchen on Christmas
Working in a Soup Kitchen for the homeless on Christmas
would show our kids what giving really is. I am planning
on doing this with my family this Christmas.
By Paula from Brea, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The manager of a large office noticed one of his department
heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his
office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?"
he asked.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place
you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first
name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in
authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only -
Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only
as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your
last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade
boy did so without error.
"Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?"
"Without water."
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the
pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a
new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then
teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning
little old lady who was standing beside her.
"Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
Today, December 24, in
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Germany composed the music
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr.
1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a
private social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan.
1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to
broadcast a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA.
1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made
when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a
rectory in Dover.
1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport
ship S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About
800 American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the
English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that
become known as the Battle of the Bulge.
1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied
in Dover, MA.
1951 NBC-TV presented, "Amal and the Night Visitors," the
first opera written for television.
1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of
Libya, under King Idris.
1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed
about 100lbs.
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon.
1968 The crew of the U.S. Navy ship, Pueblo, was released
by North Korea. The Captain of the Pueblo, Commander Lloyd
M. Bucher, and 82 of his crew were held for 11 months after
the ship was seized by North Korea because of suspected
spying by the Americans.
1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and
Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10
times before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man
first landed on the moon.
1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the
country's Marxist government.
1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he
stopped smoking.
1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at
the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former
Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the
Iran-Contra scandal.
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal," was
sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the 1975
murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese national.
2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas
prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects
killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons
and clothing. The men had escaped on December 13 and were
captured about a year later in Colorado.
2013 smiled.
Monday, December 23, 2013, 07:53 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 23.
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Bookhttp://webby.com/cb
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
West Point perv jailed for owning and trading
child porn
Details at International Bonehead Awards
This morning I briefly listened to the local radio.
VERY briefly. Sunday morning I have to divvy out all my
pills for the week, and as soon as I sat down to look at
my list, which I got online, so that I can see it from
anywhere, I clicked on Accuradio, and just for fun slected
the FOLK channel.
The first song was "Gramma got run over by a reindeer".
What a great start of the day!
That was followed by one Sing-Along-Song after the other.
I think I'll make that channel a habit for early morning.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
--- Milton Friedman
My Grandmother is over eighty and
still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
--- Henny Youngman
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the
little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that
she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her
about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box,
but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor
said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs,
the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his
wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should
know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two
crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married,"
she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy
marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got
angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box.. She had only been
angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains
the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it
come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous
artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings,
a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not wearing any of those things."
"I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my
husband is having an affair with his secretary.
When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want her to go
nuts looking for the jewelry."
Click on the picture for the large version
Mt Shasta, I think
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ricky Patrick Hester, 23, from Indiana
Jailed for owning and trading child porn
A West Point cadet was charged today with receiving or
distributing child pornography after federal agents
discovered that he swapped illicit videos with online
contacts, one of whom he allegedly asked in an e-mail,
“Do you trade videos of boys? I love man boy hardcore.”
During a court-ordered search yesterday of his barracks,
Ricky Patrick Hester, 23, confessed to using an e-mail
account (cubs_freak90@yahoo.com) to send and receive videos
showing children engaged in sexual acts, according to a
felony complaint filed in U.S. District Court.
Seen above, Hester, an Indiana native, also reportedly copped
to maintaining a Dropbox account holding “20 videos and 100
digital images containing child pornography.” If convicted
of the felony charge, Hester faces a mandatory minimum of
five years in prison (and a max of 20 years in custody).
The investigation of Hester was an outgrowth of an earlier
probe targeting an e-mail address that had been used to
“express an interest in trading” child porn. An examination
of that account by federal agents revealed incriminating
correspondence sent from Hester’s Yahoo account.
Tech Support Pits
From: Georgina
Re: Lighting
Dear Webby,
I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret
for Christmas pictures?
Thanks
Georgina
Dear Georgina
You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave
flash, held about as far away as you can reach.
If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular
Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light
but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and
can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about
$12 and provide a very nice and warm light.
Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to
the side of you and half an arms length higher than the
camera.
You may have seen clip-art of photographers from two hundred
years ago, holding a flash pan up and out at an arms length.
They used magnesium and gun powder in a metal dust pan for
the flash. Because of the cost of each shot, the location
had to be perfect.
A flash on the camera might be convenient, but that just
produces the flat "deer in the headlights" shots, that
you are trying to avoid.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Put Timer on Water Heater
Why heat your water for 24 hours? Just install a Hot
water heater timer purchased from Lowes. Set the timer
for 1 hour before rising in the morning, preferably during
non peak hours as designated by Utility and for 1 hour in
the evening prior to taking showers and baths, (after Utility
peak hours). On Saturday, or laundry day, place the manual
setting "on" for laundry day. As the timer cycles it will
automatically go back to the timed settings. You can
maintain the temperature at 120 degrees while saving money.
Source: Info received from Lows Water Heater Timer
packaging years ago.
By Larry from FL
Nowadays, with properly insulated water heaters, that has
become obsolete, except maybe in Europe, where they have
different electricity rates for different times of the day.
Location and insulation make a much bigger difference. Ideally
your water heater should be above the "wet" areas, kitchen,
bathroom, shower. And it should be in the hot attic, not
in the cold basement. Also ideally, you should have one or two
old, burned out but not leaking hot water tanks up there,
with the insulation stripped, pre-heating the water from
the hot attic air. That way the actual water heater gets
pre-heated, luke-warm water instead of ice cold water from
the main or the well. If there is an extended power failure,
you still got luke-warm water for a few days.
Next time there is a flood or somebody has an indoor flood,
and they put their hot water tank out by the curb, because
the inulation got wet, grab it and use it as a pre-heater.
Just strip off the insulation, give the neighborhood Rambo
a beer to muscle it up into the attic, and connect it into
the feed line for the hot water tank. The savings are almost
unbelievable!
While you are up there, close the attic vents, that the
heating fuel distributor talked you into. Open them in the
summer, but close them with an old sleeping bag or piece
of styrofoam in winter.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to
be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment
and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial
from running its proper course.
But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet
calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to
serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her
husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had
promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I
could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A prospective juror was being questioned by the District
Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers.
"If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you
kill him for his crime ?"
"Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday
if that would be OK."
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to
discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.
"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"
"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are
you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."
Today, December 23, in
1788 Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area
for the seat of the national government. About
two-thirds of the area became the District of Columbia.
1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore
(" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published.
1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab',
better known as the Hansom cab.
1880 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light
Company of Europe.
1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter
Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe.
1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance
for the transport of patients was launched. The hospital
ship was named USS Relief and had 515 beds.
1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island
surrendered to the Japanese.
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska.
It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows.
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley
invented the transistor.
1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other
Japanese war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been
found guilty of crimes against humanity and being on the
losing side.
1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of
his associates were shot for treason after a secret trial.
1965 A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain.
1968 Eighty-two crewmembers of the U.S. intelligence ship
Pueblo were released by North Korea, 11 months after
they had been captured.
1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II
spacecraft on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000
miles of Uranus on July 24, 1986.
1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick
Rutan and Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop,
around-the-world flight without refueling as it landed
safely at Edwards Air Force Base in California.
1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for
the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975,
escaped from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West
Virginia. She was recaptured two days later.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his
wife, Elena, were captured as they were attempting to
flee their country.
1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its
six republics with non-Communist governments.
1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including
170 children, during a year-end party being held near the
children's school.
1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges
of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995
federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb killed
168 people and severely injured my friend Martin.
1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets
at northern Israel.
2013 smiled.
Sunday, December 22, 2013, 11:05 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, December 22.
Days are starting to get longer again now!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
NEXT Christmas, then there is no need to hurry,
but you should get organized soon.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Two Florida Boneheads, who were finally
jailed for robbing an armless man
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Phyllis sent me this ICQ card:
http://dpkgi.free.fr/files/deerz2.swf
In the early days of the Internet, before everybody left ICQ
and moved to Skype as suddenly as they had moved to ICQ from
PowWow and MSN, we used to have a pretty good time there.
Now that all the reasons, why everybody stampeded to Skype,
have evaporated, and Microsoft is trashing Skype, it is time
to consider going back to ICQ.
I went back to http://ICQ.com tonight, and after a dozen
years away, my user name and profile was still working.
I was impressed! It will take a while to get familiar with
it again, and even longer to see who else is using it.
I found out why Skype has fixed fonts in the contact list
and Toos / Options, and microsoft is unable to fix that
problem. Apparently the original owners of Skype copied
those parts from ICQ, and forgot to tell Microsoft about
that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
Today's public figures can no longer write their own
speeches or books, and there is some evidence that
they can't read them either.
--- Gore Vidal (1925 - )
"British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human
cells with rabbit eggs. Their goal is to create a human with
a lucky foot."
--- Jay Leno
Your children weren't made to like you. That's
what grandchildren are for.
--- Plato
We know cellphones don't interfere with
navigation equipment on airlines, but they
sure do tick off the person sitting next to you.
--- Socratex
Pete had this problem of getting up late in the morning
and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him
and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something
about it. So Pete went to his doctor, who gave him a
pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
Pete slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the
morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove
cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were
you yesterday?"
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted
to buy an evening gown for his wife for Christmas.
"What size?" asked the clerk.
The man shrugged blankly.
Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what are
your wife's measurements?"
The man thought for a moment. "Small, medium, and large,
in that order."
Click on the picture for the large version
Mt Shasta, I think
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Oliver Bozeman, 25, Courtney Edge, 25 Floriduh
Jailed for robbing an armless man
Police in Florida arrested two suspects accused of stealing
$300 from Havalah Pitts, an armless man.
The alleged robbery occurred in Pompano Beach in October,
but the investigation culminated with the arrests of
Courtney Edge and Oliver Bozeman, both 25, on Tuesday,
the New York Daily News reported.
A spokesman for the Broward sheriff's office called it
"a vile act, a new low for criminals," the South Florida
Sun Sentinel reported.
Edge and Boozeman were charged with robbery and abusing
a disabled or elderly adult, according to the Broward
County Sheriff's office.
The defenseless victim was born without arms, according
to the South Florida Sun Sentinel.
Each man is charged with robbery and abuse to an elderly
or disabled adult without great physical harm.
Judge Hurley ordered Edge held in lieu of $55,000 bond.
Bozeman was held without bond because he was already
out on bond in a different case.
Hurley said Bozeman has an extensive criminal record
including past strong arm robberies.
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Upgrade to Firefox
Hi, Webby.
First, thanks for all the questions you answer daily in
your Humor letter, it's been a fantastic help to me and
I'm sure others as well.
I now have a question. I'm on Sympatico, have IE 8 and
a lot of websites tell me it's outdated and old and are
pointing me to Firefox or Chrome. I looked at Firefox and
I like it to best. My question is this, how do I change
from IE8 to Firefox? And how will it affect my computer?
I'm a semi-novice at this, not an idiot, but not and
expert! haha
Hope you can help me,
Thanks for all you do,
Wendy
Dear Wendy
Sympatico has email problems, but browsing web sites is
usually quite OK.
Upgrading from IE8, or any year IE, is easy. Just download
FireFox and install it. It will ask you, if you want to
bring over your favorites and cookies and stuff. Just agree
to that, and it will all be done in a minute or so.
Then it asks you, if you want it to be your main browser.
Hit OK on that.
After that you can run it as is, or browse for free Add-Ons.
TOOLS
OPTIONS
ADDONS
For example, I use ColorfulTabs, FlagFox, YouTube-to-MP3,
and SaveMyTabs.
There may be all kinds of others, that may eventually
strike your fancy. There is no rush. If you feel a need
for some Add-On, browse for it. Most likely, there is
one just waiting.
FireFox works quite well without any of those Add-Ons.
For example, the FlagFox simply shows a tiny flag of
the country, where that web site is based. Cute, but
like all those Add-ons, usually not really necessary.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Candy Filled Canning Jar Christmas Gifts
I always have canning jars around. At Christmas,
I fill some with assorted Christmas colored
candy; those star brite mints, gold and silver
foil wrapped candies, etc.
Linda
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the
service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man
marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is
add it up, like the preacher said:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bill
I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I
bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot
of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could
actually get inside and ride. Instead, after hours of
assembly on my part, he ended up played in the box it came
in.
It taught me a valuable lesson. Next year he got a box, and
I got a hundred dollars' worth of scotch.
A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The
man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in
Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"
"What's that mean?" asks the girl.
"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."
"Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"
The girl says, "That's French toast."
Today, December 22, in
1715 James Stuart, the "Old Pretender", landed at Petershead
after his exile in France.
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the
rebellious American colonies under Ezek Hopkins.
1807 The U.S. Congress passed the Embargo Act, designed
to force peace between Britain and France by cutting
off all trade with them.
1864 During the American Civil War, Union Gen. Sherman sent
a message to U.S. President Lincoln from Georgia. The
message read, "I beg to present you as a Christmas gift,
the city of Savannah."
1894 French army officer Alfred Dreyfus was convicted of
treason in a court-martial that triggered worldwide charges
of anti-Semitism. Dreyfus was eventually vindicated.
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray,
of his wife's hand.
1939 Gloria Jacobs became the first girl to hold a world
pistol record when she shot 299 out of a possible 300
points. She was 17 years old at the time.
1956 The last British and French forces evacuated Egypt.
1990 Lech Walesa was sworn in as Poland's first popularly
elected president.
1998 A unit of RJR Nabsico pled guilty to attempting to
smuggle cigarettes into Canada.
2013 smiled.
Saturday, December 21, 2013, 01:29 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, December 21.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
NEXT Christmas, then there is no need to hurry,
but you should get organized soon.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a guy in Oklahoma who made a
Marriage Proposal during his arrest
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Three more days to panic.
Then you will have to get serious!
By the way, this is, always has been and
always will remain a Merry Christmas site.
Season's Holiday is April 1, not in December.
So, save your "Season's Greetings" for four months or
risk looking really stupid.
Hannukhah is already over, that was November 27 to Dec 5.
In 2016 it will coincide with Christmas.
Sad news from Sweden.
Lillemor wrote me just shortly before I was going to
check the live camera.
The Yulebokken (Christmas Goat) in Gavle was burned down
just a few hours ago.
:(
The pranksters won, again. The expensive fire retardant was
totally useless.
Unfortunately the people in Gavle focus on being cute.
Elin, Tiger Woods' ex. is from there. Her mother is the
Governor. Quite cute. But not smart enough to put some
remote controlled garden hoses there and have volunteers
over the internet controll them via a cheap X-10 Internet
interface. That is apparently too Hi-Tech for people
focusing on being cute.
They could have used a lawn sprinkler on top to cover the
whole Yulebokken in a six foot thick coat of ice.
But for that they might have to get Ole and Sven back from
Minna-Sohta.
Sad!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
--- Russell Baker (1925 - )
You are just as old as the woman you feel.
--- Groucho Marx
Thanks to Dianne for this comparisons between
Christmas and Hannukha:
Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go
to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing.
Chanukah is eight days.
It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that
falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non
Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to
consult a calendar, so we don't look like idiots. We all
have the same calendar, provided free with a donation
from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher,
or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida).
* Christmas is a major holiday, a Statutory (paid) holiday,
* Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most
Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!!!
* Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
stereos...
* Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks,
Viagra, or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks
impressive on the bookshelf.
* There is only one way to spell Christmas.
* No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka,
Channukah,Hanukah, Hannuka, whatever.
* Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and
boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts.
* Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a
diamond ring on Chanukah, not even a fake one.
* Christmas brings enormous electric bills.
* Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared
enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about
not contributing to the energy crisis.
* Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye Faithful.....
* Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or
about having a party and dancing the Hora. Of course, we
are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were
composed and written by Jews. And don't Barbara Streisand
and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully? And made tons
of money singing them?
* A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet
smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered
around in festive moods.
* A home preparing for Cha nukah smells of oil, potatoes and
garlic and onions. The home, is always full of loud people
all talking at once about nothing anybody is interested in.
* Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies.
* Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating
potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another
reminder of our suffering through the ages.
* Parents deliver gifts to their children during Christmas.
* Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift
any of the eight nights of Chanukah.
* The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce
names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus.
* The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah,
Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or
pronounce it the same twice in a row. On the plus side, we
can tell our friends any BS, and they believe we are
wonderfully versed in our history.
* In recent years, Christmas has become more and more
commercialized.
* The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a
minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major
holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating.
Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for...
27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your
chest, confess your sins, make everybody else feel guiltier
than you, a guaranteed good time for you and your family.
Tickets a mere $200 per person.
* Christians greet each other with "Merry Christmas" and a
smile.
* Jews greet Christians with "Merry Christmas" and a
smile, so that they won't be asked when Hanukhah is, or
how it is spelled.
Jews greet other Jews with "Nu?"and hurry on before the
other can start complaining.
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Thanks to Rose for this story:
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran
for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each
of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror---
wearing nothing but a camera!
Click on the picture for the large version
Fire Blower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Stephen Goss, 53, Hacketstown, NJ
Marriage Proposal during arrest
Reported by Moe
Talk about a marriage proposal to remember.
An Oklahoma man proposed to his girlfriend last week while
an officer tried to arrest him on two outstanding warrants.
An officer spotted Justin Harrel of Elk City in a local
park last Friday and discovered that he had outstanding
warrants out of two counties for obtaining cash or
merchandise by bogus check, according to court documents.
Police said Harrel resisted arrest at first.
"I advised Justin that he was under arrest and directed
him to turn around and place his hands behind his back,"
the officer wrote in his police report. "Justin said,
'Steve, let's talk about this. Give me five minutes.'"
When the officer took him into custody, Harrel explained
that he was about to propose to his girlfriend. He asked
if he could go ahead with the proposal.
The officer allowed Harrel to complete the marriage
proposal, and Harrel's girlfriend eventually said yes.
Harrel then asked the officer to get the engagement
ring from his coat pocket and give it to her.
The officer handed the ring to the girlfriend.
Harrel was not cited for resisting an officer.
Tech Support Pits
From: Molly
Re: Desktop Shortcut to internet Radio
Dear Webby
Thank you very much for posting
the link to accuradio. I enjoy
listening to the music from the 60's.
My question is..
Is there a way I can make a short
cut to have the link on my desktop?
is it possible?
Thanking you in advance.
Molly.
Dear Molly!
That is really easy!
1) locate a free spot on the desktop, that you can get to, when the browser is open.
2) Go to http://accuradio.com
and there to your favorite channel
3) Look at the left corner of the address bar on the browser. You will see an icon there.
4) Drag that icon to your free spot on the desktop
That is all there is to it!
You can, of course, move that icon around, and if your Taskbar is unlocked, even drag it onto the Taskbar.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cutlery Tray for Desk Drawer Organizer
Ever wondered what other uses cutlery trays have? I cheaply
sourced one at a garage sale recently with an extra sliding
top tray which lifts off. I ended up using it to store/
organize stationary bits and pieces in a drawer in our
computer room. Before this I was going to use it in my
make-up/hair accessory drawer.
By Knitwit
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A certain tax attorney took on a very complex
case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious
client. He devoted over a year to the case,
familiarizing himself with every loophole and
angle of current legislation, and made a
brilliant argument before the court.
His client was called out of town when the jury
returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for
his client on every count. Flushed with victory,
the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice
has triumphed!"
A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired
back, "Appeal at once!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a
minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell,
than to sit and listen."
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little
Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us
brought up in a good Christian home,
but I want to stay with you guys instead!"
Today, December 21, in
1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from
England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA.
1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the
radioactive element radium.
1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until
after the end of World War II.
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg,
Germany, of injuries from a car accident.
1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State)
declared its independence.
1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon.
The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27.
1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to
succeed U Thant as secretary-general.
1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded
over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack.
1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed
the birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States.
1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to
Palestinian control.
1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison
terms for attempting to organize an opposition party.
1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved.
2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in
prison for a rape that he maintained that he never committed.
He was the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after
DNA tests were performed.
2013 smiled.
Friday, December 20, 2013, 11:52 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, December 20.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to NJ drunk who
showed up impaired for the drivers license road test
Details at International Bonehead Awards
No UFO tonight. Sky was clear, but they seem to have gone,
turned their lights off, or are simply not reflecting the
moon tonight.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me,
but deep down I know that's not true.
Some smaller countries are neutral.
--- Robert Orben
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and
tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied,
"I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons," he said.
"One, they don't like me,
and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU
SHOULD go to church.
(1) You're 57 years old, and
(2) you're the pastor!"
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go
home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny
in the arms of another man.
He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you
got to be messing with my wife?"
The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am
in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand
you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit
down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll
never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce
her.... Okay?"
"Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little
more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"
Click on the picture for the large version
Fire Blower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Stephen Goss, 53, Hacketstown, NJ
Showed up drunk for drivers license road test
A Hackettstown man is accused of trying to take his drivers
license road test while drunk, police said.
Officer Daniel Novoa was dispatched to the Motor Vehicle
Commission office on Canfield Avenue on Dec. 11 after a
test instructor detected a strong odor of an alcoholic
beverage emanating from 53-year-old Stephen Goss,
police said.
Goss had allegedly driven his vehicle from Hackettstown
to the office and when the instructor thought she smelled
alcohol on his breath, she contacted her supervisor, who
had another employee contact police.
Novoa arrived at the scene and found Goss behind the wheel
with the engine running, waiting to take the test,
police said.
He was not allowed to take the test but was asked to perform
the standardized field sobriety test before he was charged
with driving while intoxicated and reckless driving,
police said.
Tech Support Pits
From: Brett
Re: Telemarketers
Dear Webby
You posted a good way to deal with telemarketers at one time.
They did not bother me in those days, so I did not pay
attention. My whole life seems to be like that.
Can you please tell us again?
Thanks
Brett
Dear Brett
When I get a call, I mute the Internet radio from
http://accuradio.com
If the call is from a typical call center, either an
888 or similar number, or a forged name like
"COLORADO", I click the phone onto speaker-phone mode.
I don't have a girlfriend named COLORADO, actually, until
I win the lottery, I don't realistically expect to have
a girlfriend.
When the telemarketer finally talks, I wait for a break,
then tell him "Please Hold!" and click the Internet Radio
off the Mute. Pretty snazzy HOLD music!
He probably works for a company, that intends to put me
on hold, if I ever want anything.
While the telemarketer waits for me to take him off the HOLD,
I continue working. Eventually he will give up and go bother
somebody else.
There is no point getting all riled up. Just put them on
HOLD and grin.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Kitty Out of Your Christmas Tree
I have been dealing with my year old kitty climbing into
and knocking over my Christmas tree until I came up with
this idea!
I blew up balloons and added them to the tree!
She jumped in and accidentally popped one causing her to
jump off immediately!
It stopped her from jumping into it again, so now I can
finish decorating it, but I think I will still leave some
in the tree, just in case.
:D
By Donna
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to
the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.''
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient.
''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm
going to have to call the manager.''
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher
who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search
of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the
manager returned and stood over the man. Together the
two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no
success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the
situation briefly.
''All right buddy, what's your name?''
''Sam,'' the man moaned.
''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked.
''The balcony.''
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem:
When I was very little,
All the Grandmas that I knew
All walked around this world,
In ugly grandma shoes.
You know the ones I speak of,
Those black clunky heeled kind,
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,
For I knew, when I grew old,
I'd have to wear those shoes,
I'd think of that, from time to time
It seemed like such bad news.
I never was a rebel,
I wore saddle shoes to school.
And next came ballerinas
Then the sandals, pretty cool.
And then came spikes with pointed toes,
Then platforms, very tall,
As each new fashion came
I wore them, one and all.
But always, in the distance,
Looming in my future, there,
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes,
The kind that Grandmas wear.
I eventually got married
And then I became a Mom.
Our kids grew up and left,
And then their children came along.
I knew I was a Grandma
And the time was drawing near,
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I'd have to wear.
How would I do my gardening?
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn't even think about
How I would ride my bike!
But fashions kept evolving,
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing, right before my eyes.
And now, when I go shopping
What I see, fills me with glee.
For, in my jeans and Reeboks
I'm as comfy as can be.
And I look at all these teenage girls
And there, upon their feet
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes,
And they really think they're neat.
As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each
of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she
asked.
Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my
twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we
sing hymns, then we come home very late, and we put mince
pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all
excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys".
"Very nice Patrick", she said.
"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom
and Dad and we sing carols, and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring
our presents."
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes
home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we
drive to his toy store. When we get inside, we look at all the
empty shelves and begin to sing
'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'.
Then we all go to the Bahamas."
Today, December 20, in
1606 The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set
sail from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the
start of the first permanent English settlement in America.
1699 Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be
changed from September 1 to January 1.
1790 The first successful cotton mill in the United States
began operating at Pawtucket, RI.
1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included
the purchase of the Louisiana Territories from France for
$15 million. The transfer was completed with formal
ceremonies in New Orleans.
1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax
bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried.
The tax was $1 a year.
1864 Confederate forces evacuated Savannah, GA as Union Gen.
William T. Sherman continued his "March to the Sea."
1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent
light at Menlo Park, NJ.
1880 New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White Way"
when it was lighted by electricity.
1892 Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the
pneumatic tire.
1928 Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME.
1938 Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope
television system.
1946 In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare
between Vietnam partisans and French troops began.
1963 The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to
West Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It
closed again on January 6, 1964.
1987 More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz,
a Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker Vector
off Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion.
1989 General Noriega, Panama's dictator, was overthrown by a
United States invasion force invited by the new civilian
government. The project was known as Operation Just Cause.
1994 Marcelino Corniel, a homeless man, was shot and mortally
wounded by White House security officers. He had brandished
a knife near the executive mansion.
1995 An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali,
Colombia, crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of
the 163 people aboard.
1996 Doctors reported that a Cypriot woman who had taken
fertility drugs was carrying about 11 embryos.
1998 In Houston, TX, a 27-year-old woman gave birth to the
only known living set of octuplets.
1999 The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual couples
were entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded
couples of the opposite sex.
1999 Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred
from Portugal to China.
2001 The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to finance
the war against terrorism taking place in Afghanistan.
2001 The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan
to help the nation heal after decades of war.
2013 smiled.
Thursday, December 19, 2013, 01:53 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 19.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a drunk
who was jailed for slugging his mother, because he
was too stupid to understand why there was no ornament
with his name.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
No UFO tonight. Somehow, they don't seem to like blizzards,
or maybe their lights are just not made to shine through
an earthly blizzard. If the lights I saw were just the moon
reflecting off two big windows or shiny sections, then of
course I can't expect them to get through the blizzard any
more than the moon does. We'll see tomorrow.
I sure could have used their help getting my wheelie-bin
out of a three foot high snow drift and through a few two-
footers down to the street. No such luck. So I went and
asked Curt, the local Rambo for help. No problem!
More town names from James:
Ramsbottom, England
Dickshooter, Idaho
Assless, Scotland
Cockgag, Ohio
Bird In Hand, Pennsylvania
French lick, Indiana
Hornytown, North Carolina
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone;
it has to be made, like bread,
remade all the time, made new.
--- Ursula K. LeGuin
Let thy speech be short,
comprehending much in a few words.
--- Aprocrypha
Minister at a funeral service,
"Friends, let us say goodbye
to our beloved, departed friend.
Let us remember that here
lies only the shell--
the nut has gone!"
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
>From Red
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer
was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when
the light is red.
She responded, "Amazing! In a blizzard like this, nobody
sees much more than the blind people, so that buzzer
gives blind drivers a cool advantage!"
I don't want to be out there if and when she is driving!
Thanks to Terry for this picture of her
favorite Squirrel: Ferby5
Click on the picture for the large version
Sandie's Rainbow
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andrew Sosa,
Jailed For Leaving 4-Month-Old Daughter
In Car While He Enjoyed Strip Club
Bad dad of the year nominee Andrew Sosa left his 4-month-old
daughter in the car, covered in vomit and dehydrated, while
he went to a Florida strip club, police say.
Sosa, 21, was arrested and charged with child neglect late
Friday when a witness in Fort Myers saw the baby inside a
locked car at Lookers strip club, according to the News-
Press. The witness flagged down an officer, who was forced
to smash a window to get the baby out when he couldn't find
a caretaker nearby.
The baby was reportedly sweating and sick. She was taken
to a nearby hospital to be treated for dehydration, NBC-2
in Fort Myers reports.
Meanwhile, Sosa was allegedly at Lookers. Police say he
left the victim in the car for more than three hours, but
the baby's uncle refutes the claim.
Sosa appeared in court Saturday, and his bond was set at
$100,000, according to the New York Daily News.
Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
Re: Internet Radio
Dear Webby
Thank you so much for your newsletter.
I have misplaced the link to the online radio you spoke
about. Will you please let me know where it is
located?
Thanks again
Helen
Dear Helen
I use Accuradio
http://accuradio.com
They have countless channels and you can further
customize your channels by banning artists,
that you don't like.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Christmas Tree Tips
If you buy a natural tree, check the ends of the needles.
Rub some of the sprigs between your fingers. If needles
fall off, the tree is already dry. If not, it's a
good one.
Cut 1 inch or so off the bottom before you put it into the
stand, this will allow it to soak up more water and it will
last longer. Keep the water level in your tree stand deep
enough to cover the cut base of the trunk, so it can continue
to absorb water. If the cut end of the base dries out, the
tree will dry out very quickly, too.
Try to keep the water level steady. In the first week, a
tree in your home will draw up as much as a quart of water
per day. Aspirin, sugar, or commercial mixes added to the
water do not appear to really help your tree last much
longer. Just keep it watered.
Jane
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
When I worked for the security department of a large retail
store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar
alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a
security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by
customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the
exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning
"Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter people from
using it.
One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms,
I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally
eliminated the problem:
"Wet paint."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Alex
Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at
Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut.
The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was
from.
"Trinidad," I said.
"Is that in Arabia?"
"The Caribbean."
She laughed, "Sorry, I never was very good at geometry."
Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it.
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last
journey comfortable.
They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.
Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift
the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and
before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down
to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us
some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her
face said, "Don't sell that cow."
Today, December 19, in
1154 Henry II became King of England.
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots
and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion.
1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac."
1776 Thomas Paine published his first "American Crisis" essay.
1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000
men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter.
1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S.
1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first
published in England.
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones.
1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles
fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes.
The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness.
1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It
opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and remained
the largest until 1924. It was also the first major
suspension bridge to use steel towers to support the main
cable.
1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239
workers.
1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated.
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the
Apollo program of manned lunar landings.
1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong
to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997.
1986 The Soviet Union announced it had freed dissident Andrei
Sakharov from internal exile, and pardoned his wife,
Yelena Bonner.
1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of
General Noriega.
1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize
Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later
reversed its stance.
1997 "Titanic" opened in American movie theaters.
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two
charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by the
U.S. House of Representatives.
1998 A four-day bombing of Iraq by British and American
forces ended.
2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on
Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all terrorist
training camps and surrender U.S. embassy bombing suspect
Osama bin Laden.
2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the
World Trade Center site were released. The building slopes
into a spire that reaches 1,776 feet.
2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion
rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers
General Motors and Chrysler.
2013 smiled.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013, 11:56 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 18.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a drunk
who was jailed for slugging his mother, because he
was too stupid to understand why there was no ornament
with his name.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
On my walk tonight I saw what looked like a UFO.
No it was not the moon, if anything, it looked like the
moon was reflecting off 2 fairly large surfaces on it.
The two reflecting surfaces, or lights with a cool,
moon like hue, were one above the other, with the lower
one about half that vertical distance offset towards
the north. Those reflections or lights did not move during
the 15 minutes, that they were in my field of view during
my walk.
It did not surprise me, that the mystery lights were at
the same direction as where I saw and photographed that
alien laser a couple of months ago.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
--- Unknown
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up
- they have no holidays.
--- Henny Youngman
>From Donnie
God said,
'Adam, I Want you to do something for Me.'
Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?'
God said, 'Go down into that valley.'
Adam said, 'What's a valley?'
God explained it to him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.'
Adam said, 'What's a river?'
God explained that to him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill....'
Adam said, 'What is a hill?'
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, 'On the other side of the hill you will
find a cave.'
Adam said, 'What's a cave?'
After God explained, He said, 'In the cave you will find
a woman.'
Adam said, 'What's a woman?'
So God explained that to him too.
Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce.'
Adam said, 'How do I do that?'
God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....'
And then, just like everything else, God explained that
to Adam as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley,
Across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and
finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily,
'What is it now?'
And Adam said:
'What's a headache?'
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied
himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he
was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested
himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted
through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after
the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him,
bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter
innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.
Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.
"You," he called. "You there."
The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
"Why are you here?"
"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."
"And are you guilty?"
"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I deserve my punishment."
At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not
have him here in jail, where, by example, he will corrupt
all the splendid innocent people who occupy it."
Click on the picture for the large version
Sandie's Rainbow
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Lewis, Atwood, 33, Casco, Michigan
Jailed For Punching Mother In Face
While Decorating Christmas Tree
A Michigan man repeatedly punched his mother in the face
while decorating the family Christmas tree after noticing
that “there was an ornament with his brother’s name on it
and that there were no ornaments with his name,” according
to police.
Cops responded to a home in Casco Township late Friday night
after a 911 call was placed from the residence. While nobody
was on the line, a dispatcher heard “yelling and screaming
in the background and a woman screaming ‘You are hurting me,’”
deputies reported.
An investigation by the Allegan County Sheriff’s Office
determined that Lewis Atwood, 33, slugged his mother Sandra,
58, in the face “four or five times” while trimming the
Christmas tree with his girlfriend and brother. Police allege
that the accused assailant was drunk and became incensed
after discovering that only his younger sibling’s name
appeared on an ornament.
Sandra Atwood suffered a bloody nose, swollen eye, and swollen
lip during the attack by her son, who had “minor injuries to
his knuckles and hands that would be consistent with this
type of assault,” deputies reported.
Atwood, pictured above, was arrested for domestic violence
and booked into the county jail, where he is locked up in
lieu of $5000 bond.
------------
I hope Santa or anybody else is not going to bail him out!
Tech Support Pits
From: Ev
Re: Newsletter in spam folder
Dear Webby's Humor Letter - Daily Newsletter
Hi---I think I am subscribed to your "Webby" newsletter and =
humor......However, the copy you sent ended up in my Spam
section and I jsut discovered it...Can you find a way to
bypass the Spam problem for me....I would enjoy the
newsleter..
Ev
Dear Ev
All I do is write and send the Humor Letter out to you.
Once it has entered the Peoplepc.com server, there
is nothing more that I can do about it.
How you set your spam controls, that is entirely up to you.
If you want, you can contact Peoplepc support and get them
to help you correct your spam control settings.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Produce Bags for Food Storage
The clear fruit and veggie bags that I get at the grocery
store (the ones in the fresh produce section that are on
a roll) make excellent freezer bags. Because they're thin,
I double them up. And because they're usually too long for
my need, I simply tie a knot where I need it and snip off
the remaining tail.
Source: Living on a tight budget.
By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round
for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph,
seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?"
Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired
by the city to go around and remove all the money
from parking meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to
pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar
and says
"Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over
having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be
when you get your paycheck!"
Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his
face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket,
and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where
I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would
mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for
my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and
can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving
to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the
sister-to-be, answered.
"Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?"
Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have
a delivery for her."
The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!"
she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"
Cajun math
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.
Today, December 18, in
1787 New Jersey became the third state to ratify the U.S.
Constitution.
1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New
York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and
Crippled.
1865 Slavery was abolished in the United States with the
13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution being ratified.
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 km/h).
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by
the U.S. for an annual rent.
1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was
announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953.
1916 During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the
French defeated the Germans in the Battle of Verdun.
1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western
Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary.
1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations.
1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania
went online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate
electricity in the United States. It was taken out of
service in 1982.
1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates.
1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for
murder.
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy.
1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of
North Vietnam during the Vietnam War. The attack ended
12 days later.
1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in
London.
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time
by Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph.
1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point
in the 34th game of the season.
1996 Despite a U.N. truce, factional fighting in the Somali
capital of Mogadishu, broke out in which at least 300 fighters
and civilians were killed.
1998 The U.S. House of Representatives began the debate on the
four articles of impeachment concerning U.S. President Bill
Clinton. It was only the second time in U.S. history that
process had begun.
1998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the
U.S. attacks on Iraq.
1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution
since capital punishment was restored.
2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The
cathedral is the largest in the United States.
2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its
Saab brand.
2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law
with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company
a $14,300-a-day fine until it rids its search engine of the
literary extracts.
2009 James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the United
States. On January 26, the movie became the highest-grossing
film worldwide.
2013 smiled.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013, 09:58 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 17.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Mother Jailed for huffing whippets
and passing out with child in car
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From Nanarina:
Fox hunting under the snow
More town names from James:
Blue Ball, Idaho
Long Dong, China
Spread Eagle, Wisconsin.
Mary's Inlet, Canada
Humptulips, Washington
The 50 most insane driving laws.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The greatest of faults, I should say,
is to be conscious of none.
--- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
Henry Kissinger once asked Chou En-Lai to theorize on what
might have happened if Nikita Khrushchev had been
assassinated instead of John F. Kennedy.
After a moment's thought, Chou En-Lai answered: "I don't
believe Mr. Onassis would have married Mrs. Khrushchev."
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
A man asked for a divorce. The judge asked him why
he wanted a divorce. He replied, that he lived
in a Two Story House.
The Judge replied, "What kind of a reason is that?
What is the big deal about a two story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is:
'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's
that time of the month.'"
"Granted."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jennifer Ann Lee, 29, Tampa, Floriduh
Jailed for huffing whippets
with child in car
A Florida mom was nonchalant when cops questioned her about
her alleged use of "whippets" in her car while her 1-year-old
child was in the back seat. Jennifer Ann Lee, 29, passed out
after huffing the contents of one of the small containers,
which usually contain nitrous oxide, police told The Tampa
Tribune.
A passerby in Bradenton noticed Lee asleep at the wheel at
an intersection, and offered to drive her to a safe location,
WTSP reports. Lee agreed. The witness also called a friend
of Lee's to check on her, and that friend ended up calling
police. He reportedly told officers that Lee was "doing
whippets" in front of him.
When officers arrived, they reportedly found small canisters
at the suspect's feet and in her seat. A subsequent search
revealed 20 more of the canisters. The child was unharmed.
Police say she admitted to doing whippets and falling asleep
at the wheel. She allegedly told them, "I was tired and it
happens."
She was uncooperative when they arrested her. She was charged
with felony child neglect, My Fox Tampa Bay reports.
--------
Whippets can be the huff of Nitrous Oxide (Laughing gas) in
Whipped Cream cans, but they can also be the gas cartridges
for refillable whipped cream makers. Since she actually
passed out, she most likely was using the cartridges. They
can be "popped" with a thumbtack.
Huffing laughing gas can be fun at a stag party, especially
when alternated with huffs of helium to produce a Donald Duck
voice, but should never be done without supervision, and
especially not in a vehicle!
Tech Support Pits
From: Beverly
Re: Mail Size Restrictions
Hi Dear Webby,
I have a problem. The server that my ISP uses has restricted
the size of each email that we can receive and now I am
having trouble receiving any email with pictures. I wondered
if you can give me a referral to Gmail? The Service Tech
from my ISP said he thought you could receive any size email
through it, and I have read several times in the Humor Letter
where you speak pretty highly of it. I went to Google and read
about it and really would like to try it. I hope you can help me.
Thanks!
Beverly M
Dear Beverly
Just go to http://gmail.com
It will guide you through the sign-up.
You don't need referrals any more.
Yes, with Gmail there are no kindergarten limits.
Just take your time to customize it to your liking,
and you'll be quite happy with it.
Also go into Settings, Filters, and get comfortable with
making filters. Gmail has very strong spam filtering,
and you have to exclude important stuff.
For example, if I write about how to get rid of some malware,
it will likely consider that to be evil spam and dump it
into the Spam folder. Just make a filter to tell it that
mail from humor@webby.com should never be put into SPAM.
Do the same with the addresses of utility companies,
banks, etc.
You can even use Gmail with regular POP programs
like Eudora or Outlook, not just with it's web interface.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Persian Lamb
This recipe is easy to make and has lots of flavor.
I have made this dish for a number of parties and
it is always a crowd pleaser.
Ingredients:
2 to 3 lbs. boneless lamb, cubed
4 cloves chopped garlic
1 (6 oz.) can chickpeas
2 Tbsp. tomato paste
1 large bunch flat leaf parsley, cleaned and chopped
juice of 2 large lemons
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
Directions:
Brown Lamb and add to crock pot with all remaining
ingredients. Cook 6 to 7 hours on low or 4 to 5 hours
on high until meat is tender. I like to serve this dish
over basmati rice.
Note: This recipe can be prepared the night before.
Just take the crock pot out of the fridge in the morning
and turn the crock pot on!
Servings: 6 to 8
Time: 20 Minutes Preparation Time
6 to 7 Hours Cooking Time
By Pamela from South Hadley, MA
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They
loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After
driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and
asked the attractive lady of the house if they could
spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid
the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in
the barn."
Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's
attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and
said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at
the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night,
go up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her
your name, and give her one of MY business cards?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid
I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Despite warnings from his guide, an American skiing in Swit-
zerland got separated from his group and fell into a deep
crevasse. Several hours later, a rescue party found the
hole, and to reassure the stranded skier shouted down to
him, "We're from the Red Cross"
"Sorry," the imperturbable American echoed back,
"I already gave at the office!"
Elmer Fudd and his buddy Sam are out in the woods hunting
wascally wabbits...when suddenly, Sam grabs his chest and
falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing;
his eyes are rolled back in his head.
Elmer whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to
the operator, "I tink Sam is dead! What should I do?"
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, "Just take it
easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure
he's actually dead."
A silence follows...and then a shot is heard.
Elmer's voice comes back on the line: "Okay...now what?
Today, December 17, in
1777 France recognized American independence.
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the
first street to go "One Way."
1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia.
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his
paper-twine machine.
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight
took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright
made the flight.
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by
its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the
Rio de la Plata (3 British battle ships against the Graf Spee)
off Uruguay to an end.
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of excluding
Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which ensured that
Japanese-Americans were released from detention camps.
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas
intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time.
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by
concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial
spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings.
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab
guerillas hijacked a German airliner.
1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her
attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford.
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of 1979.
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a heart,
lungs, and liver transplant.
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua.
He had been convicted of running guns to the Contras.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime
Minister Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos
Salinas de Gortari signed the North American Free Trade
Agreement.
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese
territory in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected
militants.
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage
at the Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on
April 22, 1997, with a commando raid that resulted in the
deaths of all the rebels, two commandos and one hostage.
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act.
The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that
they took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted
works and downloading them from the Internet.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have
ready for use within two years a system for protecting American
territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks.
2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first
quarterly loss in its 47-year history.
2002 The insurance and finance company Conseco Inc. filed for
Chapter 11 protection. It was the third-largest bankruptcy
in U.S. history.
2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed
a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the largest
overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years. The bill
aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It also created
a federal counterterrorism center and a new intelligence director.
2013 smiled.
Monday, December 16, 2013, 10:57 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 16.
More towns for the list of wacky town names
sent in by James:
Hooker Hole, LA
Smackass Gap, NC
Muff, Ireland
Big Beaver, Pennsylvania
Erect, NC
Big Knockers, England
Nipple, Utah
Have FUN!
DearWebb
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a preacher for allegedly raping two underage girls.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From Nanarina:
Fox hunting under the snow
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled
together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary.
--- Dave Kellett
It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true
that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually
attracted by other things than power.
--- David Brin. 1950 -
A Classic brought back by Donnie:
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his
company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker,
but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't
even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he
was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first
thing he sees Is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of
water on the side table and, next to them, a single red rose!!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all
clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes
when he Sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror
written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark
from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to get groceries to make
You your favourite dinner tonight.
I love you, darling!
Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is
hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., pissed out of your mind,
you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you
puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you
stumbled into the door. All in all, one hell of a
performance Dad."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such
perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast
is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mum dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed....
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
>From Amanda
Just a few weeks after taking a job as a security guard, my
husband announced that he had been fired. He explained that
he'd fallen asleep at this desk and someone broke into the
building.
"But you're such a light sleeper," I said. "I'm surprised the
sound of the guy breaking in didn't wake you up."
"I didn't get fired for falling asleep," he confessed, "I was
fired for wearing my earplugs."
Click on the picture for the large version
Egypt is no longer complaining, that YOUR CO2 is
causing Gullible Warming.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jacoby Kindred, 61, Maplewood, Minnesota
Wanted because of raping two under-age girls
A "self-proclaimed" pastor in Minnesota has been charged
with the rape of two girls.
Jacoby Kindred, 61, is accused of sexually abusing the
daughters of his son's girlfriend beginning when they were
only six years old. According to a criminal complaint
obtained by the Pioneer Press, Kindred, a pastor with One
Accord Ministries, told one victim that "the devil was
inside her and he could take the demons out of her."
KARE 11 reports that the alleged abuse "involved fondling,
oral stimulation, and rape," and took place mostly at
Kindred's Maplewood, Minn., home, while the victims,
now 14 and 16, stayed over. Kindred is said to have abused
the girls for more than a decade.
Police began their investigation in July after the girls'
mother said she found out about a letter written by one of
her daughters that described sexual acts with Kindred.
Reached for comment by the Pioneer Press on Thursday,
Kindred denied the allegations and said that the girls'
mother had made them tell "lies" because she was angry
with him.
"Anyone can make up anything when you sit there long enough
and you rehearse it," Kindred told the newspaper. "All a
woman has to do [in Minnesota] is make an accusation, true or
false, and the man's going to be in trouble."
Kindred, who spoke with the Pioneer Press by phone, told the
paper that he was out of town for a funeral, and would not
disclose his location.
Police have issued a warrant for his arrest.
Tech Support Pits
From: Amber Rose
Re: Cause of missed letters
Dear Webby
I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have
with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any
problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference
be that they do not have your e-mail address in their
Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book
whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because
it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently.
I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized
your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized.
Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my
other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also.
Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received.
AmberRose
Dear AmberRose
You are 100% right.
Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than
for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the
address book, the mail always gets through.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Oiled Wood Floors
I have 105 year old heartpine floors. I use WOCA natural
soap to clean them. They have also come out with a refresher
that has more oil in it. If your floors aren't horrible,
clean them well and try the refresher on a small section.
We sanded and oiled our floors six years ago after removing
about five layers of linoleum. I used WOCA oil. Haven't
had to re-oil yet.
Source: Wocadirect.com
By Tina K
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Lisa
I've been feeling down for so long that I finally decided to
seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
I went there, laid on the couch, spilled my guts then waited
for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make me feel
better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes
and sat thinking for a few minutes, nodding his head.
Finally, he looked up at me and said in conclusion, "Ummmm,
I think your problem is low self-esteem. That is very common
among losers."
So I broke his face, his glasses and his chair, took my file
and left. I have to say, I felt much better after that
session!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair
some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested
area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning
of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one
member, of the crew looked back and spotted a deer running
across the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said,
"I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"
Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something
really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized,
they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had
done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you
keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive
and forget.'"
"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that
I've forgiven and forgotten."
Today, December 16, in
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England,
Scotland and Ireland.
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor
off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots
were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation
without representation and the monopoly the government
granted to the East India Company.
1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress
Josephine by an act of the French Senate.
1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire.
1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force
of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as
'Dingaan's Day'.
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived
at Lyttleton, New Zealand.
1916 Gregory Rasputin, the monk who had wielded powerful
influence over the Russian court, was murdered by a
group of noblemen.
1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after
learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up
a new government with German support.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began
in Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive
in the war.
1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of
emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism."
1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation
collided over New York City, killing 134 people.
1972 The Miami Dolphins became the first NFL team to go
unbeaten and untied in a 14-game regular season.
1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown’s single-season rushing
record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards,
while Simpson attained 2,003 yards.
1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected
president in Haiti's first democratic elections.
1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a
temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute
between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress continued.
1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter
of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of
contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift
its ban on Britain.
1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles onto
Iraq in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply
with U.N. weapons inspectors.
1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left
thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000
to leave their homes.
2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's
Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to
have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid
ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's
largest moon. The discovery is considered important
since water is a key ingredient for life.
2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin
Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state.
Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001.
2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced
that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More
than 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also
announced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden.
2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from
the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent
to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on Nov 4, 2001.
2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known
exoplanet on which water could exist.
2013 smiled.
How to make a Hot-key to instantly start a screen saver?
Sunday, December 15, 2013, 08:49 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, December 15.
Thank you, Jen & John from New Hampshire!
------------
Have you ever seen an eagle's nest with eggs in it?
There are a few in the Cape Coral, Fort Myers area right in
town. I saw this nest when I helped Sandie prepare for
Hurricane Wilma in October 2005. There was no camera on
this particular nest in those days. They had a camera
on a different nest.
The eagles flew away a day before the hurricane arrived,
probably to shelter in the thick mangrove forest at the
coast, and came back a day after the hurricane had
passed, and calmly restored their messy nest. Eagle's
nests don't look pretty or finished at the best of times.
http://www.ustream.tv/SouthwestFloridaEagleCam
Eagle nest cam in Ft Myers with info, for example
Currently On The Nest:
Harriet
Harriet arrives at 6:06pm and Ozzie leaves
The nest is visible at night too, though just lit with an
IR light. At night it looks like a Black & White camera,
but during the day it is in color. And you see the traffic
below the nest. It does not bother the eagles at all.
You see the eggs when the eagles change shifts, or when
they turn around. When they get too warm, then they turn
with their tail against the wind, so that it ruffles the
feathers. When they get cold, they turn their head into
the wind, so that it slicks their feathers down. When they
turn around or change shifts, you see the two eggs.
More details at
http://snipurl.com/eglenestcam
Have FUN!
DearWebb
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Florida Teacher gets 38 years for
fixing a 12 year old boy's virginity
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes
of others.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
The best ideas come as jokes.
Make your thinking as funny as possible.
--- David M. Ogilvy
>From Donnie
A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a burn
on the St Andrews course.
A grounds keeper shouts: 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo
ae coo's shite an pish!'
The golfer replies: 'My Good fellow, I'm from England .
Could you repeat that for me, in English!?'
The keeper replies: 'I said, use two hands -
you'll spill less that way!
>From Clyde
I just got off the phone with friend in northern Minnesota.
He said that since early this morning the snow has been
falling heavily and it is nearly waist high. The temperature
is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing, and
his wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in!
--------
Those northern Minnesotans are suicidal!
Click on the picture for the large version
London, England
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Scott Lamonico, Alaska
Jail for downloading 17 magazine pictures
Downloading Seventeen magazine photos of Miley Cyrus, Selena
Gomez, and Dakota Fanning could result in jail time for a
probationer who spent time in federal prison for possessing
child pornography.
During a recent search of Scott Lamonico’s computer, probation
officer Jennifer Hitchins discovered the photos of the three
celebrities, along with other images of young women in
“minimal clothing.”
Federal investigators contend that the photos violated a
probation term barring the 44-year-old Lamonico from
possessing “child erotica.” In April 2006, Lamonico was
sentenced to 63 months in prison (to be followed by three
years probation) following his conviction in U.S. District
Court in San Francisco on a felony possession of child
pornography count.
Now living in Alaska, Lamonico, pictured above, was freed
from custody last November. He was arrested last Thursday
on a warrant accusing him of violating the conditions of
his supervised release.
If found guilty of violating his probation, Lamonico could
face two additional years in custody, though sentencing
guidelines call for a prison term between three and nine
months.
----------
Pictures of Miley Cyrus and her 'twerking' have been all
over the news for some time. I always wondered what people
found so special about the scrawny, underfed screecher.
I had not realized, that she was underage.
Personally, I would be more interested in pictures of her
mother or grandmother in similar attire!
Tech Support Pits
From: Barb
Re: Hot-key for ScreenSaver
Dear Webby
I want it!
The hot-key for starting a screen saver, that you hinted at.
Barb
Dear Barb
Gladly!
Oh, too old?
OK. Hot key is easy.
Look for the location of your screen savers.
Just search for *.scr files. Your favorite one should be
there too.
If Windows is acting snotty and not showing the SCR files,
start the making of a desktop shortcut,
browse to c:\Windows and select
AJScreensaver.scr
Right-click it and select Shortcut.
Drag the shortcut onto the desktop.
No, no, that's not all. Be patient!
Now right-click that shortcut.
In there you can set a hot-key.
Pick a combo, that is easy to use without getting
your fingers tangled up, and that is not in use yet.
Surprisingly, ALT X is usually still free.
After selecting a Hot-Key, OK out of there.
Now, when you hit CTRL and ALT X, or whatever you picked,
your screen saver will pop and hide what you have
been doing.
Keep in mind, due to an embarrassing brain fart in Windows,
you need THREE keys for a hot-key. Yeah, I know, that is
rather stooopid, and Bill Gates has publicly apologized
for that, but so far there is no way around it. Until
somebody writes a third party fix for that, you just have to
use three keys to make hot-keys for shortcuts.
Just type X into that slot, and Windows will add the
CTRL + ALT part. Hit APPLY and OK, and your hotkey is done.
Hit CTRL ALT X, and your clocks are up.
If you use dual monitors, you can select a different
screensaver for the second monitor. I use the Roman clock
on the left monitor and the numeric ribbon clock on the
right monitor.
If you set it so that returning from the screen saver
requires a password, then your kids can't snoop while
you are off flirting at the postman.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Dresser Drawers as a Bookshelf
I have purchased quite a few books over the years. I spent
so much money on the books themselves that I didn't have
enough leftover to buy shelving, and that's where I got
the idea for this helpful little tip. I had stacks of books
all over the house, and I finally decided that something
had to be done, so I went on a hunt. I found a damaged dresser
that had been left in the basement by the previous owner of
the house, so I pulled it out and started brainstorming a way
to turn it into a bookshelf.
I came up with the idea of taking all the hardware off the
drawers and stacking the drawers on top of each other. The
bottoms of the drawers now became the back of my new modular
shelving unit. Each shelf measures 36 inches wide, 15 inches
high, and 8 inches deep. With a little bit of staining, the
new shelves make a beautiful addition to the living room,
turning my unsightly stacks of books into a source of numerous
complements.
By Jessica from Marion, NC
Narrow concrete blocks for uprights and 1x8's or 1x4's
work very well too. 1x8's SEEM more expensive, but twice
as many 1x4's work out to exactly the same. Boards are
usually sold by the board-foot, which is the volume of a
square foot, 1 inch thick. You can easily stain them
mahogany or walnut and make them look quite fancy,
To hide the concrete blocks print a book spine of some
fantasy book, for example your thesis, glue it onto some
cardboard, curve it anround the front end of the block
and glue it onto the concrete block with hotmelt glue.
If you don't have a saw to cut the boards, come on over.
You can also ask the good people at Home Depot to cut them
for you. They will give you a big speech about no refunds
on cut stuff, and that you better be VERY sure about the
length of the boards.
Once you are sure about the length, "Yeah, it is twice the
length of my bra plus two fingers." they will gladly cut
the wood for you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel shot back.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two big mean men standing by the door?"
Joel nodded.
"They're hushers."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After the college boy delivered the pizza to Rob's's
trailer house, Rob asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here,
but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you,
I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Rob. "Well, just to show them how
wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my
school fund."
"What are you studying?" asked Rob.
The lad smiled and said: "Reverse psychology."
One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job.
His nephew asked him what happened.
"You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who
stands around and watches the other men work?"
"What's that got to do with it?" he asked.
"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained.
"Everyone thought I was the foreman."
Today, December 15, in
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began
recording daily temperature readings.
1791 In the U.S., the first ten amendments to the Constitution,
known as the Bill of Rights, went into effect.
1840 Napoleon Bonaparte's remains were interred in Les
Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena
1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine
1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph.
1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other
tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an
incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government.
1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick
based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at
Loew's Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien
Leigh and Clark Gable.
1944 A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn
Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel
while en route to Paris.
1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the Philippines.
1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death
in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges
for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps.
1961 The U.N. General Assembly voted against a Soviet proposal
to admit Communist China as a member.
1964 Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed flag
thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag.
1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7, maneuvered
within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around the Earth.
1966 Walter Elias "Walt" Disney died in Los Angeles
at the age of 65.
1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft
to land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only
survived the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes
and transmitted the first data received on Earth from the
surface of another planet.
1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after
being held captive for five months, during which his right
ear was cut off and sent to a newspaper in Rome.
1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic
recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever
official relations with Taiwan.
1979 The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the
United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical
treatment on October 22, 1979.
1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian
use after 13 years.
1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew.
It was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion
of the Caribbean island.
1989 An uprising in Romania began as demonstrators gathered
to prevent the arrest of the Reverend Laszlo Tokes, a
dissident clergyman.
1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees
in the coming year.
1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders
formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war.
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over
the peacekeeping operations in Bosnia.
1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to
acquire rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp.
1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington, DC,
with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton.
2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine,
was shut down.
2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed
to accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster.
The book was to be about her eight years in the White House.
The advance was the highest ever to be paid to a member
of the U.S. Congress.
2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would
begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and
Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion
and philosophy are part of popular culture and is based
on the television series "The Simpsons."
2013 smiled.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013, 09:12 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 11.
Today, Wednesday, I have to go into Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on
Thursday, Friday and Saturday. On Saturday I hope to be
able to write and send out the Sunday issue.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Florida Teacher gets 38 years for
fixing a 12 year old boy's virginity
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;
it is regret for the things we did not do
that is inconsolable.
--- Sidney J. Harris
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.
"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.
Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big,
dumb galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress
-- don't wait any longer."
A business associate of mine decided it was time to shed
some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even
changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One
morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic
coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained
cherubic.
"This is a very special coffeecake," he explained.
"I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there
in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no
accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one
of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking
place directly in front of the bakery.'
"And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around
the block,
there it was!"
Thanks to dad for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ethel Anderson, Hillsborough County, Floriduh
Florida Teacher gets 38 years for
fixing a 12 year old boy's virginity
Reported by Tom W.
A Hillsborough County judge told Ethel Anderson she 'groomed'
a student 'for her own deviant' purposes before sentencing
her to 38 years behind bars.
Anderson, an award winning teacher, was found guilty of nine
counts of sex crime charges.
"Despite what the court might see, I am not a sexual
predator," Anderson told the judge Monday.
Prosecutors say Anderson lured a 12-year-old boy into a
sexual affair using text messages. They presented more than
230 pages of text messages between Anderson and the victim.
In a move that seemingly backfired, Anderson took the stand
in her own defense and told jurors the texts were all "fantasy"
and used them as a teaching tool to keep the boy's attention.
"You groomed this child," said Hillsborough Circuit Judge
Chet Tharpe.
Tharpe also said Anderson manipulated the boy's parents
into believing he was safe while with her.
Anderson, mom to a six-year-old, was led away in cuffs
to begin her 38 year sentence.
Last December, she resigned from Mango Elementary School.
The boy has since transferred schools.
"Anger and hatred don't even begin to explain how I feel
about what you took from my son," said the boy's mother
in a written statement read by prosecutors.
"His innocence is lost forever."
---------------
Awwww!
When my mom (correctly) guessed, that my innocence was
lost forever, she slipped a 6-pack of condoms into my
lunch bag. Not a word was said about it.
No drama,
but then, in those days, there was no texting or anything,
that could be used against anybody.
Sure, there was poetry, in rhyme and rythm, as pay per lay,
but without any name and most carefully without mentioning
anything, that could point to any certain, ahem, individual.
In those days, we had class!
I realized much later, that a juvenile with the urge can
crank out a lot more poetry, than he can during the rest
of his life.
I sure did not miss my forever lost innocence,
but became a very prolific juvenile poet! :D
Tech Support Pits
From: Inga
Re: Large clock
Dear Webby
I realized that Microslop can't handle desktop gadgets like
the clock any more, and the add-on gadgets on the net come
with really sleazy viruses like Nav-Link. Thanks to your
warning I stopped the installation before it did anything.
So, what is a girl to do when she wants a big clock suitable
for senior eyes?
Thanks
Inga
Dear Inga
Try Roman Clock
Classic Roman Clock Click for bigger sample
If you go to http://www.beeks.eu you can download and
install a pack of screen savers, including that Roman clock,
the "Polish Digital Clock" by Yugo Nakamura, and even a
classic Mickey Mouse clock. Fourteen different clocks.
They are all clean screen savers,
If anybody is interested, I'll write about how to make a
Boss key to instantly launch a screen saver and hide from
the boss that you are playing "Revenge of the bimbos" on
company time.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cheese Grater Tip
Before you begin grating cheese, brush a little vegetable
oil on the grater. It will clean easier when you are
finished.
By Sandy from Graettinger IA
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old
church being restored was: "This is the Gate of Heaven."
Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign
which read:
"CLOSED
Use Other Entrance"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A famous author was autographing copies of his new
novel in a Cleveland department store. One gentleman
pleased him by bringing up not only his new book for
signature, but reprint editions of his two previous ones
as well.
"My wife likes your stuff," he remarked apologetically, "I
thought I'd give her these signed copies for a birthday
present."
"A surprise, eh?" hazarded the author.
"I'll say," agreed the customer. "She's expecting a
Jeep."
An "air freshener" salesman goes to an executive building
to market his product to a prospective buyer. He steps in
to an empty elevator and presses the 10th floor button.
Just as the doors close, he lets out a God-awful fart.
He then can feel the elevator stopping on the fifth floor
and he knows that someone will be stepping on so he quickly
sprays his new "Pine-Scented" air freshener to cover his
tracks. The person that was on the 5th floor steps onto
the elevator.
The salesman decides that this is a good opportunity to
test his product's quality so he asks the man,
"Excuse me sir, could you kindly tell me what you smell?"
The man replies, "Yeah, smells like a turkey with diahrea
hiding in a Christmas Tree".
Today, December 11, in
1719 The first recorded sighting of the Aurora Borealis was
in New England.
1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds.
1792 France's King Louis XVI went before the Convention,
which had replaced the National Assembly, to face charges
of treason. He was convicted and condemned and was sent
to the guillotine the following January.
1844 Dr. Horace Wells became the first person to have a
tooth extracted after receiving an anesthetic for the
dental procedure. Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, was used.
1882 Boston's Bijou Theater had its first performance. First
American playhouse lit exclusively by electricity.
1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris with nine
exhibitors.
1930 The Bank of the United States in New York failed.
1936 Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated in order to marry
American Wallis Warfield Simpson. He became the Duke of
Windsor.
1937 The Fascist Council in Rome, withdrew Italy from the
League of Nations.
1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States.
The U.S in turn declared war on the two countries.
1961 The first direct American military support for South
Vietnam occurred when a U.S. aircraft carrier carrying
Army helicopters arrived in Saigon.
1973 West German Chancellor Willy Brandt and Czech Prime
Minister Lubomir Strougal formally nullified the 1938
Munich pact when they had signed a treaty sanctioning
Hitler's seizure of Czechoslovakia's German speaking
Sudetenland.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed into law legislation
creating $1.6 billion environmental "superfund" that would
be used to pay for cleaning up chemical spills and toxic
waste dumps.
1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st
fight to Trevor Berbick.
1985 General Electric Company agreed to buy RCA Corporation
for $6.3 billion. Also included in the deal was NBC Radio
and Television.
1987 Charlie Chaplin's trademark cane and bowler hat were
sold at Christie's for £82,500.
1988 62 people were killed in a Mexico City marketplace when
tons of illegal fireworks exploded.
1990 Ivana Trump was divorced from Donald Trump after 12
years of marriage.
1991 Salman Rushdie, under an Islamic death sentence for
blasphemy, made his first public appearance since 1989 in
New York, at a dinner marking the 200th anniversary of
the First Amendment (which guarantees freedom of speech
in the U.S.).
1994 Thousands of Russian troops, armored columns and jets
entered Chechnya. The move by Moscow was an effort to
restore control the breakaway republic.
1994 The world's largest free trade zone was created when
leaders of 34 Western Hemisphere nations signed a free-trade
declaration known as "The Miami Process."
1997 Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams became the first political
ally of the IRA to meet a British leader in 76 years. He
conferred with Prime Minister Tony Blair in London.
1997 More than 150 countries agreed at a global warming
conference in Kyoto, Japan, to control the Earth's
"greenhouse gases." Canada thought it was BS and abstained.
1998 The Mars Climate Orbiter blasted off on a nine-month
journey to the Red Planet. However, the probe disappeared
in September of 1999, apparently destroyed because scientists
had failed to convert English measures to metric values.
2000 Mario Lemeiux, owner of Pittsburgh Penquins, announced
that he would end his three-plus year retirement and become
an active National Hockey League (NHL) player again. When
Lemieux returned officially he became the first owner/player
in NHL history.
2001 It was announced that U.S. President George W. Bush would
withdraw the U.S. from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty
with Russia.
2001 Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities as part
of "Operation Buccaneer." The raids were used to gain evidence
against an international software piracy ring.
2013 smiled.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013, 10:53 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 10.
Tomorrow, Wednesday, I have to go into Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on
Thursday, Friday and Saturday. On Saturday I hope to be
able to write the Sunday issue.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a a man who overslept in an airplane
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
--- Paul Beatty
I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900),
Thanks to Russ for this classic:
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got
older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer,
he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally
came across a doctor who solved his problem. "The good news
is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will
require castration. You have a very rare condition which
causes your testicles to press up against the base of your
spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The
only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed.....but decided he had no
choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt
like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like
a different person. He could make a new beginning and live
a new life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought "That's
what I need, a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman "I'd like a new
suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said "Let's see....44 long."
Joe laughed "That's right. How did you know?”
The salesman replied “It's my job."
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired
himself in the mirror, the salesman asked "How about a new
shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said "Let's see.....34 sleeve and....
16½ neck."
Joe was surprised. "That's right. How did you know?"
The salesman replied "It's my job."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted
the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked "How about new
shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said
"Lets see.... 9 1/2 wide."
Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"It's my job" was the answer.
Joe tried on the shoes, and they fit perfectly. Joe walked
comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
"How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating Joe said "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said
"Lets see.....7 3/4" Joe was incredulous.
"That's right!" How did you know?"
"It's my job."
The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great when the
salesman asked "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said
"Let's see....size 36." Joe laughed
"No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head. "You can't wear a size 34.
It would press your testicles up against the base of
your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
While we are having fun with Classics, Roland sent this one:
Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.
"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new
construction site."
Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole
for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their
leg, so I fix the hole."
Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."
Priest: "What did you do with it?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never
had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his
own little doghouse."
Priest: "OK, anything else?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left.
So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to
get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car
garage."
Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."
Priest: "Yes?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house.
So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."
Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance,
you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to
make a Novena, don't you?"
Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans,
I got the lumber."
Thanks to dad for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Depree Johnson, 19, Lake Worth, Floriduh
Felon posted pictures of himself
with burglared guns
A Florida felon is back in jail after uploading photos to his
Instagram page showing him posing with firearms.
Police raided Depree Johnson’s Lake Worth home last week
after investigators spotted the incriminating images of the
19-year-old on the photo-sharing web site. Johnson’s rap
sheet includes convictions for grand theft, burglary, and
felon in possession of a firearm.
As seen above, one of the Instagram photos shows Johnson
holding two handguns.
Detectives with the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office
recently examined Johnson’s Instagram account as they were
investigating his possible involvement in a series of
burglaries.
The search of Johnson’s home turned up numerous pieces of
stolen jewelry and a pair of stolen firearms. As a result,
Johnson was arrested and booked into the county jail on
142 criminal counts.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jaye
Re: IE opening in too small size windows
Dear Webby:
I made 4 links one quarter there size--- Had all four show
on my desktop at once--- was neat--- except now--- almost
every thing I open--- opens to one quarter its size and I
have to click maximize.
You had a tech tip once that dealt with just that problem---
did not need it so I deleted it-
Webby, where I go to click open all windows in full screen??
Thanks so much for all your help.
Jaye
Dear Jaye
Close all browser windows but one.
Open a new window from a link on the remaining window.
Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up).
Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows
to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have
to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what
you want the windows to automatically open up as).
Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window.
From now on, all your new windows should open up to that
size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want
all new windows to be the new size.
Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window
to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your
preferred window size.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tennis Ball for Pulling Into the Garage
Take a ping ping ball and pierce a hole in it on each side
(2 holes). Thread a string through it and tie in your garage
against the car windshield to the exact place where you need
to pull in the garage for a perfect fit. No more hitting the
garage back or closing the door on your car!
Source: My father in law!
By Rae G.
You can tie anything to the string. At one time it used to
be fashionale to tie a little yellow duck squeaky toy to the
string. Anything works. I have seen even beer bottles, to
make an audible CLICK on the windshield. That is handy in
dark garages, especially when you turn your lights off early,
to ensure a better charge of the battery.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Frannie
Our pastor was winding down the service. In the back of the
church, the fellowship committee stood to go to the church
hall and prepare snacks for the congregation. Seeing them
rise, Pastor Michael singled them out for praise. "Before
they all slip out," he urged, "let's give these ladies a big
hand in the rear."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past
a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing
there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?"
"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked into the store, he heard her say, "Typical male!"
Thanks tp Russ for bringing back this classic:
Little Jenny answered the door when the census taker came by.
"My daddy is a doctor and he isn't home because he's
performing an appendectomy."
"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for
such a little girl. Do you know what appendectomy means?"
"Oh, sure: Twenty-five-hundred bucks straight up.
Of course, that doesn't include the anesthesiologist!"
Today, December 10, in
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict.
The papacy had demanded that he recant or face excommunication.
Luther refused and was formally expelled from the church in
January 1521.
1845 British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first
pneumatic tires.
1869 Women were granted the right to vote in the Wyoming
Territory.
1898 A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended the
Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent of Spain.
1901 The first Nobel prizes were awarded.
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first
American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for helping
mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War.
1941 Japan invaded the Philippines.
1941 The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and Repulse
were sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Malaya.
1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine with
an investment of $7,600.
1958 The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in the
U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami on a
National Airlines Boeing 707.
1982 The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries
in Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were
excluded.
1990 The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant,
a long-acting contraceptive implant.
1993 The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the
repaired Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit.
1996 South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a
new democratic constitution, completing the country's
transition from white-minority rule to a black majority
rule.
1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international
space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface.
2003 The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, opponents
of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi reconstruction projects.
The ban did not prevent companies from winning subcontracts.
2007 Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first elected
female president.
2013 smiled.
Monday, December 9, 2013, 12:21 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 9.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a a man who overslept in an airplane
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Yesterday we were the coldest spot in North America with -44
degrees, not accounting for wind chill. That was just in
the morning. Later in the day it warmed up considerably.
I was at Home Depot today and since the lady near the
entrance seemed rather bored, I told her I needed a screw.
Without batting an eyelid she told me: "Isle 34, behind the
carpets."
There is no isle 34. I grinned and asked her how many people
actually walked all the way down to the end at isle 30.
She told me that almost all of the ones who asked apparently
did, without doubting her advce.
Since we were alredy smart-assing and not very serious at
all, I asked her: "And what about after work?"
She held out her left fist, showing a wedding ring, and
told me: "Can't. I have a head-ache license and have to
cook."
"Awwwww! poor girl!"
We parted laughing.
I know, wood screws are in isle 11.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability
to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable
for their apparent disinclination to do so.
--- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
To have striven, to have made the effort,
to have been true to certain ideals -
this alone is worth the struggle."
--- William Penn
Bambi, an airhead in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,
sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi
if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was
the decision George Washington had to make before he
crossed the Delaware."
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-
examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"
"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."
"Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer.
"Well, a woman," the humble witness replied.
The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman.
Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
The witness replied, "MY mother did did."
Thanks to dad for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Original type Christmas Cactus,
with a fire engine red hybrid below it.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Tom Wagner,
Overslept on United Express plane
A man who fell asleep flying from Louisiana woke up at his
layover in Houston, inside a dark, empty and locked plane.
Tom Wagner says that the United Express crew left him in
the plane, even after he alerted authorities through his
girlfriend, for more than 30 minutes, according to ABC News.
The fiasco started on Friday when he fell asleep in a window
seat near the back of the airplane. When everyone deplaned
at the layover, nobody woke Wagner up. He woke up in a
pitch-black and cold cabin, and the aircraft doors were
locked.
Luckily, his cell phone wasn't dead.
"I called my girlfriend, and she thought I was crazy.
I said, 'Debbie I'm locked on the plane,'" he told ABC.
"I said, 'I'm telling you the truth. You better go somewhere
and get me off this plane."
Half an hour later, workers boarded the aircraft and rescued
Wagner. He told KVEO that they wanted him to keep the
incident quiet, and put him up in a nearby hotel and gave
him a $250 flight voucher to make the ordeal go away.
Tech Support Pits
From: Pat
Re: Yahoo Mail crashing
Dear Webby:
My Yahoo mail is getting shut down almost every time I use
it by my I/E. I guess the only alternative is to download
another browser like Foxfire, right?
I would appreciate your advice on this one. I think a lot
of people are having this problem. Could it be that
Microsoft is trying to force us to give up the old version
of I/E to use the new and flawed version of I/E?
What a buncha commies!
Pat
Dear Pat
Nah, that's just a routine Yahoo screw-up.
There have not been any changes to IE.
Try Google's gmail.
That works.
I also read that Yahoo mail works Ok on mobile devices,
just not on desktop computers and laptops any more.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Acetone to Clean Whiteboard
I tried all the other methods listed and none were
satisfactory. I put some acetone on the white board and
everything from sticky residue to caked-on ink came off
immediately without streaking. I washed with soap and
dried and it looks and works like new!
By Keith B.
Buy Acetone by the Gallon for less
at Home Depot than a half pint at the craft stroe!
HaveFUN!
DearWebby font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a
dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play
were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son
if he got a part in the play.
With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said,
"I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son," the dad said. "Keep up the good work
and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took baby Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
Little Johnny was laying about on a snow pile. Puffy white
clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape.
Soon, he began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Johnny said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds.
"Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked,
"God? What is a million years like to you?"
Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept
of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny
could relate, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Johnny. "Well, then, what's a million dollars
like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Johnny, getting an idea.
"You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute."
Today, December 8, in
1594 Gustavus II of Sweden was born.
1783 The first executions at Newgate Prison took place.
1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company.
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the
ball-bearing roller skate.
1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops
led by Viscount Allenby.
1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first
major offensive in North Africa.
1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM
radio advertising contract with experimental station
W2XOR in New York City.
1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy.
1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and
regained his world middleweight boxing title.
1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11
other men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society.
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer,
known as "Univac 1107."
1962 "Lawrence of Arabia," by David Lean had its world
premiere in London.
1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion
seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from
having to default.
1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members
received sentences in prison for their roles in the
"dirty war" in which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared."
1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising)
against Israeli occupation.
1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential
election in the country's history.
1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's
first free elections in 50 years.
1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using
a single currency in 1999.
1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced
their separation.
1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II
missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms
control treaty.
1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed
repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope.
1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists
produced a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to
3 million watts.
1994 U.S. President Clinton fired Surgeon General Joycelyn
Elders after learning that she had told a conference that
masturbation should be discussed in school as a part of
human sexuality.
2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after
losing $4 billion in the previos two years. It was the
sixth largest bankruptcy filing.
2013 smiled.
Sunday, December 8, 2013, 11:45 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, December 7.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Texas doctor, who had a Love triangle meltdown
Details at International Bonehead Awards
A few readers asked about the Swedish Christmas goat,
whether it is still standing and what is going on.
"Jul Bocken" as he's called in Swedish, helps the Swedish
type of Santa to deliver the gifts, to be put under the tree
by the 24th of Dec.,as that's the time for the opening of
the presents.
The biggest of the Jul Bocken is in the town of Gavle.
As of this writinig, the Gavlebocken is still standing tall,
covered with a little bit of snow, and not even singed.
In case you don't know, the Gavlebocken or Christmas Goat
is located in Gavle, Sweden, and made from straw.
Weight: 3.6 tonnes (8,000 lb)
Height (horns): 13 metres (42.7 feet)
Withers height: 7,6 metres (25 feet)
Length: 7 metres (23 feet)
The straw is delivered by Mackmyra Swedish Whisky.
Every year, some vandals try to burn the goat down
before Christmas. One year they even tried, unsuccessfully,
to kidnap it with a helicopter.
The struggle between the town and the goat burners is not
really religious. Nobody really knows for sure whether the
goat is the one, who pulled Thor's carriage, or is from the
stable in Bethlehem, or both. And they don't really care.
It is mostly just a race or competition between keeping the
Christmas Goat alive till Christmas, versus burning it down.
Usually the vandals win.
Here is last year's fire:
The live webcam of this year's Christmas Goat is at
That picture is NOT the live web cam, just a screen shot
I took from the live webcam, and a link to the live web cam.
Bookmark it and check on the Christmas Goat now and then!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
--- Alfred E. Newman
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind,
what is the significance of a clean desk?
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
This woman wanted a face lift.
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob",
where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head
and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the
effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of
the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects
were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with
two problems: "All these years, everything has been working
just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've
always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying
problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes
and the knob won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,
those are your breasts."
She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about
the goatee."
> Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Southern Grandmother on the Witness Stand:
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trail, a southern
small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,
a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Wack-off Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people
and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a
big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you"
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he
pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you
know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known
Brainless Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife With three different women. One of
them was your wife. Yes, I know Brainless Bradley".
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge promptly asked both lawyers to approach the
bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you
idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to
jail and personally throw away the key!"
Click on the picture for the large version
Potted Fox
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
MitrePeak-Milford-Sound-Fiordland-New-Zealand
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jeff Fleming, 53, Reno, Nevada
Love Triangle Meltdown
Leads To Doctor's Arrest
A Texas doctor involved in a love triangle broke into the
Houston home of a romantic rival and scrawled the words
“Whore” and “Homewrecker” in red lipstick on a bathroom
mirror, cops allege.
Angela Siler-Fisher, 42, is facing misdemeanor harassment
and trespassing charges stemming from her alleged break-in
Sunday at the residence of Marcelle Mallery, a 35-year-old
radiologist.
Siler-Fisher (seen above) is a medical director at Houston’s
Ben Taub General Hospital and teaches at the Baylor College
of Medicine. Her husband Brandon, 43, is a radiologist.
According to a criminal complaint, Brandon Fisher called
Mallery to warn that his wife “was coming to her house.”
Mallery told cops that she was in fear for herself and her
children, so she fled the residence.
Mallery told investigators that she received two phone calls
from Siler-Fisher as she was en route to the home. Siler-Fisher,
Mallery said, warned that she was "going to beat her fucking ass,
whore” and “dislocate her vagina.”
Surveillance videos revealed that Siler-Fisher entered
Mallery’s home by “kicking in the doggy door.” Once inside
the sprawling home, she wrote “Whore” and “Homewrecker” in
red lipstick on a bathroom mirror. Pictured below, Mallery
told police that Siler-Fischer texted her a photo showing
Mallery’s bedroom.
Police also report that Siler-Fisher left unused condoms on
each step of a stairway inside Mallery’s home.
Siler-Fisher is scheduled to be arraigned in Harris County
District Court on December 11.
Tech Support Pits
From: many
Re: Is Yahoo broken or dead?
>From Crazyefa
Been using yahoo email for years since 95. Don't use web
interface much any more with mobile apps.
>From Jorge
Regarding Yahoo, recently they have taken to showing a
message that my screen settings are below their recommended
1024 x 600 pixels:
That's O.K (however my screen is set to 1152 x 852)
It used to let me hit "continue" and then open the email site...
But now it just freezes there; shows a quick flash of the
first page, then goes back to the notice message...
I have to use a special code (copy of a past Firefox code for
the page) to get to see my yahoo email at all....
>From Randall
I have used yahoo mail for a long while for gaming info and
unimportant things. All else of my important emails i run
thru my gmail account and have learned a long time ago that
Yahoo mail is not reliable. Since going to gmail for my
valued items, I have not missed a issue of your newsletter.
And since yahoo has redone their appearance with the email
I have noticed a lot more people are complaining about
that too...
etc.
It sure looks like they want to force all the yahoos to stop
using computers and to switch to mobile devices.
Yahoo probably gets a kick-back from the carriers for every
time you go to Yahoo with your mobile device.
Well, there are plenty of alternatives, that you can
upgrade to.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Tar and Grease from Clothing
For removing tar and grease from clothing, I first use
some WD-40 and work it into the spot until it starts to
break down. Then I use some cream-type hand cleaner
(available at an auto-parts store) and rub that into the
remaining spot. Then, if needed, I use a small bit of baby
shampoo and warm water to remove anything that is left
before tossing in the clothes washer. This has always worked
with even the hardest roofing tars and auto grease stains.
Good Luck!
By Terence R.
"Cream Type Handcleaner" is also sold at mot hardware stores as
"Waterless Handcleaner". It gets stiff in the cold, but does not
freeze, and does not burst the container, when it warms up.
It's a good thing to have in your trunk in winter.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Sad News
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity
Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been
able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the
stable.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Somali arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street
and says, " Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country,
giving me housing, foods vouchers, free medical care and
free education!"
The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican"
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you
for having such a beautiful country here in Canada!"
The person says, "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees
he stops, shakes his hand and says
"Thank you for the wonderful Canada!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East,
I am not Canadian!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you a Canadian?"
She says, "No, I am from Russia!"
Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?"
The Russian lady checks her watch and says:
"Probably at work!"
An airhead was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The airhead replies, "Oh, that's easy...W."
Today, December 8, in
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented
the cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production
of interchangeable parts, that fit different devices.
1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to
Pennsylvania.
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus,
was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived.
1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for
the Reconstruction of the South.
1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and
became the first world heavyweight champion.
1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Britain and Canada also declared war
on Japan.
1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese
mainland to Formosa (Taiwan) due to Communists pressure.
1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963.
1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found
guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under
a law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism.
1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held
the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up
with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later
he was shot to death by police.
1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress.
1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations'
arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles.
1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in
the Israeli-occupied territories began.
1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role
in a coalition Cabinet.
1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet
national government to be dead. They forged a new alliance
to be known as the Commonwealth of Independent States. The
act was denounced by Russian President Gorbachev as
unconstitutional.
1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S.
troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation
Restore Hope.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North
American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA).
1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement
that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation
would merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion.
1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search
a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic
violation.
1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public.
The file contained over 1,300 pages.
1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash.
1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history
was played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0.
1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an
economic and political confederation.
2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins
that he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL)
as a player at age 35. He would be the first modern
owner-player in U.S. pro sports.
2013 smiled.
Saturday, December 7, 2013, 09:51 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, December 7.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a bonehead, who shot a golfer, who broke a window
on his house at the 16th hole of a golf course.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
-29, wind chill -40
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing
he was never reasoned into.
--- Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)
A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first
performance of the Ice Capades.
She was so mesmerised that she wouldn't budge from her seat
even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice
was cleaned. At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know
what I want to be when I grow up!"
The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years,
starring in the Ice Capades. She was brought back to earth
when she continued, "I want to be a Zamboni driver!"
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders
were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker
on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general
seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm
new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"
Click on the picture for the large version
Potted Fox
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jeff Fleming, 53, Reno, Nevada
Jailed After Shooting Golfer
After Errant Ball Breaks Window
Nevada man accused of shooting a golfer who broke a window
at his home with an errant ball has pleaded guilty to a
felony charge.
Jeff Fleming of Reno entered the plea to battery with a
deadly weapon on Thursday in Washoe County District Court.
He faces from probation to 10 years in prison and a $10,000
fine when he's sentenced Dec. 12.
The golfer was unable to find his ball and was doing a drop
shot on the 16th hole of the Lakeridge Golf Course when
Fleming approached and fired a single shot at him with a
shotgun, prosecutors said. The golfer was treated for minor
injuries to an arm and both legs at a hospital.
Deputy District Attorney Sean Neahusan said neighbors along
the golf course were stunned as it's common for stray golf
balls to hit their homes.
"Live on a golf course and you got to expect your house to
get hit every once in a while," he told The Associated Press.
"This (shooting) is one of those stories that you just can't
make it up."
Fleming, 53, has expressed remorse and shock over his
reaction to the broken window, Neahusan said, adding he
apparently has no felony criminal record.
In return for Fleming's guilty plea, prosecutors agreed to
drop an assault with a deadly weapon charge and to go along
with the Division of Parole and Probation's recommended
sentence for him.
Police said the golfer and his partner ran away after the
shot was fired and it wasn't until they were safe that the
golfer realized he had been hit. One or two shotgun pellets
had to be removed from his body at the hospital.
The area around the 16th hole was evacuated after the shooting.
Fleming drove to his attorney's office, where he surrendered
without incident.
Tech Support Pits
From: Dianne
Re: Is Yahoo dead?
Dear Webby,
am I the only one having problems with yahoo.com ?
I can't get usual link to open or anything else in there
but when i do full route, I can get page but not open mail!
Dianne
Dear Dianne
Since you only get your subscriptions at your Yahoo address
once or twice a month, why do you bother?
You do have good addresses on the side.
I have no idea if Yahoo got any worse than usual.
If there are some subscribers, who still use yahoo mail,
please hit REPLY and tell me how it works for you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Drawer Organizers in Place
This is such a simple tip, that I don't know why I didn't
use this before. Every time I opened the drawer with the
knives, spoons, and forks in the tray or utensil organizer,
that entire plastic organizer would shift back and forth.
I finally stuck a piece of double sided sticky tape
underneath it on the bottom side, and now there's no
slipping of that utensil tray each time I open and shut it.
By suz123 from Las Vegas, NV
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Showing his friend around his his home, Shayne started to
point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired
over their long years of marriage.
"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got
just to see how much it's all worth."
"But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were
going to die, so how could you sell it."
"Simple: When I sell it, my wife will kill me!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her
constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started
palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.
One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed
his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs.
Smith died of a heart attack.
On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock.
Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the
cemetery.
The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed
by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have
anything for worms?"
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining
the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had
any experience
The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most
famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me
everything he knew."
"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to
make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"
"Yes he did," the man replied.
"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a
pyramid?"
"Yes he did," the man replied.
"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"
"Just once," the man replied.
The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"
The man said, "I was looking for my father."
Today, December 7, in
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France.
1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S.
constitution becoming the first of the United States.
1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri
became the first referee to officiate from inside a
boxing ring.
1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the
150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5
seconds. He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies.
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The
Electrolux Servel Corporation.
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu
was attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack
resulted in the U.S. entering into World War II.
1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119
people. The hotel founder, W. Frank Winecoff, was also
killed in the fire.
1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British
Petroleum's assets. Britain never forgave Gadhafi for that.
1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the
last U.S. moon mission.
1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand
E. Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by assailant.
The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards.
1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five
months in exile.
1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a fellow
passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest
Airlines jetliner.
1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major
earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The
quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale.
1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the
reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by
half a million.
1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate
with the plan for free elections and a revised constitution.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion
law which, required women to get counseling and then wait
24 hours before terminating their pregnancies.
1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S.
government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests
in secret at its Nevada test site.
1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into
Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the
mothership before it was destroyed.
1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over
1996 campaign financing.
2013 smiled.
Friday, December 6, 2013, 11:16 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, December 6.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a bimbo, who broke a glass
crack pipe in her vagina
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Re Town Names:
Thanks to James Q:
Santa, Claus, Indiana
In Europe they have St Nicholas, based on a real saint, who
had distributed goodies to poor kids. He died on a
December 6 in the 3rd century.
On the eve of December 6, actually December 5 after dark,
a St Nicholas dressed like a bishop, not like the Coca Cola
style North American Santa, comes around, accompanied by a
devil or servant. He reads each kid a list (secretly provided
by the parents) of what they did right and what they didn't.
For what they did right, they get a baggie of goodies, usually
gingerbread, an orange or mandarin, some cookies and maybe
some chocolate.
For what they did wrong, the devil spanks them, usually with
a handful of willows.
All through growing up I had been threatened to be sent to
Jagdberg, an old fortress converted to a juvenile jail and
dormitory school. Somehow I just barely escaped that fate
each time by a hair.
Quite ironically, while at the university, a professor asked
for a volunteer to go play Saint Nicholas at Jagdberg, and
looked straight at me. Yes, I did go.
Imagine somebody dressed up as Saint Nicholas, on a motorcycle.
At Jagdberg they opened the big fort gate fro me to ride in,
took me into the kitchen, put some make-up and beard on me,
and fed me some Schnaps, to reduce my stage fright.
Then one class after the other, I talked to each kid, praised
and scolded them, and some of them I had to spank.
The staff looked on with worried miens, constantly glancing
at their watches. I had to talk to 335 kids, and was
supposed to take less than a minute each. They fed me a small
glass of eggnog between each class to keep my voice from
getting too raspy, and by about 10:30 I finished.
They fed me a really nice dagwood sandwich, and bid me good
night. So I hopped on my bike and on my way towards home, of
course stopped where my girlfriend was. She was working at
a hospital and was living in a nun's dormitory building.
Mary knew the sound of my bike, and after revving it a few
times below her window, she opened it and tossed down the
key. It was an ancient bronze key about eight inches long,
and the blade was about an inch. From having been tossed
down from the third floor for many centuries, it was scratched
and nicked and pretty rough, but it worked on the big black
door. The metal clad heavy door was well oiled and totally
silent.
Up on the third floor Mary waited for me and let me onto that
floor. She did some giggling about my get-up, which prompted
doors to open and heads to pop out like a gopher convention.
So I had to do my Saint Nicholas speech to about a dozen nurses,
before I could finally escape into Mary's room for some
well deserved R&R.
I did get home before daylight.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can never learn less; you can only learn more.
The reason I know so much is because I have made so
many mistakes.
--- Buckminster Fuller
From Dianne a good old Classic:
HOSPITAL BILL
You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!!
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in
a store.The store clerks Called 911 when they saw him collapse
to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where
he had emergency Open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care
of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to
his bed holding a clipboard Loaded with several forms, and
a pen. She asked him how he was going to Pay for his
treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?"
asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are
not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my
brother-in-law."
My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no
end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book.
For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jeana Marie Smart, 26, Fargo, North Dakota
Jailed After breaking crack
pipe in her vagina
Jeana Marie Smart, a 26-year-old North Dakota woman, was
jailed Sunday after officers discovered a broken crack
pipe inside her vagina.
According to police, emergency responders and officers were
dispatched to the 3500 block of Main Avenue Sunday after
receiving a report of an accident with possible injuries.
Arriving officers soon discovered that a woman, later
identified as Smart, rear-ended another vehicle after
failing to brake in time for slowing traffic.
While processing the scene, officers learned that
Smart had an outstanding warrant for her arrest from
a previous drug possession and drug paraphernalia
charge. She was arrested and transported to the
Cass County Jail for booking.
As the officer and Smart left the patrol car to begin the
booking process, the officer noticed a pool of blood on the
seat of the patrol car where Smart was sitting. When
questioned about it, Smart told the officer that she was
having menstrual issues, however the officer noticed that
Smart continued to bleed heavily from her groin and the
blood dripped from her pants as she walked.
After continued questioning about the blood, Smart finally
admitted to having a glass pipe hidden inside her vagina.
Officers performed a body cavity search and recovered the
shattered remains of a broken glass pipe along with a
capped syringe from her vagina.
She was then transported to a local hospital where she was
treated for her injuries before getting a ride back to jail.
She was booked into the Cass County Jail and charged with
possession of a controlled substance and possessing drug
paraphernalia. She was released after posting $2,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits
From: George
Re: Printing problem
Dear Webby,
I have purchased a new printer, and finally have it added
to my computer, but I have problems printing. Yes, I can
print one page, for example, the first page of my airline
travel itinerary. However, the right margin is missing,
so I do not even get my bar code which I need at the airport
to check in. On the left is information of Inbox, etc that
I do not even need. Also, there is information on subsequent
pages that I cannot even get at all!
Can you please help this poor soul, who plans to visit his
family for the Christmas season on Saturday?
George
Dear George
Printers are different.
However, if you print from a browser like FireFox,
the browser will take care of most of the fitting chores.
Click on FILE
PageSetup
and in there, either manually adjust the zoom
to shrink it or else put a checkmark onto
"Shrink to fit"
There are all kinds of settings in there, that you
can adjust, like side and top and bottom margins.
You can also select to print in landscape mode.
However, e-Tickets and boarding passes are
usually best printed in normal portrait mode.
That is what the airlines do with their automatic
boarding pass printers.
In there you can also tell it how many pages you want
it to print. If pages 2 - 8 are just small print, that
you are not going to read anyway, then tell it to print
just page 1.
With stuff like that, don't try to print a screen shot.
It CAN be done, if you know how to edit pictures.
Best just let the browser handle the printing.
By the way, don't try to print from hoemail!
Look for the link to view in your browser.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Repairing A Door Knob Hole in Wall
You see a lot of these holes in the wall where a doorknob
has gone through the sheet rock or wallboard. You can use a
laundry detergent bottle cap for this as fix. Find the size
cap that slides into the round knob hole. Apply a small bead
of silicone seal or gorilla glue to the back of the flare-out
on the cap. Insert and let dry. Presto! Now the doorknob
will fit into the wall.
You can also dress this up by cutting out the hole size
(2 1/2 inches) in a small piece of paneling. Arrange how
you want it to look, and glue it behind the cap-flare
before inserting in the wall.
Source: Inspired by Poor But Proud of this website.
By VIETVET from Perkinston, MS
Before doing any of that, install a proper door stop,
otherwise the next gust of wind will punch your fix into
the wall, and make an even bigger hole.
For a professional fix get a piece of cardboard, some
wall patch and a putty knife. Put a few wood screws into
the cardboard, so that you can hold it after you wiggle
it into the hole. Smear some wall patch onto the cardboard,
where it contacts the wall board from behind and hold it a
minute with the screws. After that you can let go and let
it cure for an hour or so.
Remove the screws and gently fill the hole level with the
wall. Don't be too fussy. It will shrink and require a thin
finishing layer after sanding anyway.
After a final sanding it will be flush with the wall and
can be painted.
However, all of that is a waste of time, if you don't first
install a proper door stop.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of
migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history
and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has
had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the
advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I
learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've
gotten from my own experience.
When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot
bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife
sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand,
especially around the forehead. This helps a little.
Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom,
and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to
have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is
immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS!
I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST
time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds,
"I fixed that dripping tap in your bath."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly
clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor
vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift
for her son. She brought her selection, a baseball bat,
to the cash register.
"Cash or charge," the clerk asked.
"Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness.
She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department
of motor vehicles and I am way past sane."
The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat,
or are you going back there?"
I was scrubbing the bulkhead on the USS Kitty Hawk one Sunday
morning when the loud-speaker announced:
"Religious services. Maintain silence about the decks.
Knock off all unnecessary work."
An hour later, the opinion many of us held regarding our
daily routine, was confirmed with this announcement:
"Resume all unnecessary work."
Today, December 6, in
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state
education system.
1790 The U.S. Congress moved from New York to Philadelphia.
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified.
The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S.
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with
a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb.
1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was completed
by Army engineers. The project took 34 years.
1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first and
only president of the Confederate States of America.
1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's
worst mine disaster.
1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships
collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia.
1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a
self-governing dominion of Britain
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on bachelors.
1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by
U.S. President Truman.
1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International
Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in 1987.
1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into orbit
failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at Cape
Canaveral, FL.
1973 Gerald R. Ford was sworn in as the vice-president of
the United States after vice-president Spiro Agnew resigned.
1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb
exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish
National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the
bomb.
1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing
six Israelis and wounding 44.
1985 Congressional negotiators reached an agreement on a
deficit-cutting proposal that later became the
Gramm-Rudman-Hollings law.
1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred
when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's
school of engineering. The man then killed himself.
1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000
foreign hostages.
1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a
mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting
resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed.
1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20
years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children
in the 1960s.
1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due
to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one
of the richest in the U.S. and became to largest municipality
to file for bankruptcy.
1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a
residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff.
70 people were killed.
1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was
elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt
against the government six years earlier.
1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected
the first two building blocks of the international space
station in the shuttle cargo bay.
2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation
and 480 hours of community service stemming from her
conviction for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was
also ordered to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution.
2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million
memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval
fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.
Thursday, December 5, 2013, 12:31 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 5.
Thank you Roswitha!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a bimbo, who faked a marriage certificate after her
acquaintance died in a car crash.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
-26 and headwind on the uphill stretch of my walk.
By the time I got to the top, I had worked up a sweat,
except for my feet.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
--- Jimmy Buffett
Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat.
One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car.
So, the man went to the old woman and said,
"I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him."
"That so nice of you!", said the old woman, deeply touched.
"You can sleep at the foot of my bed and catch mice
at night."
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate
your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law
better than I like mine."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Allison Lear, Las Vegas, Nevada
Jailed After getting caught
faking a marriage license
LAS VEGAS — A Las Vegas woman has been accused of forging
a marriage certificate so she could keep her racecar-driving
boyfriend's possessions after he died three years ago when
his Porsche veered off a mountain road in northern Nevada.
Allison Lear was arrested on outstanding warrants May 25 at
the Hakkasan nightclub at the MGM Grand. She faces charges
of forgery and perjury in what family members characterize
as a callous attempt at gold-digging from Alexander Djordjevic,
who died at age 37.
"I wouldn't say there was a big love there," Slobodan Djordjevic,
Alexander Djordjevic's father, told the Las Vegas Review-Journal.
"I think she was just looking for material things."
In 2009, Lear posted a profile on a match-making website that
seeks to pair millionaires with companions. Family members
said she and Djordjevic had been dating for several months
when his silver Porsche careened off a mountain highway on
June 26, 2010, during the Speed by Spectre 341 Challenge
race near Virginia City.
Later, in court, Lear showed a marriage certificate indicating
she and Djordjevic had married just five days before his death
at her parents' home in Las Vegas. Relatives – including Lear's
father – question whether such a wedding ever happened.
According to probate court documents, John Lear told
attorneys he "would have known if his daughter had been
married at 4 a.m. on June 21, 2010, in his home."
Seems she forgot to invite her father or at least tell
him about it afterwards.
Police cite two problems with the document.
The Idaho minister who supposedly performed the ceremony
never applied for a temporary permit to conduct a Nevada
wedding, officials said. He told officers he'd been asked
to sign a back-dated marriage certificate after he learned
of Djordjevic's death, but refused.
Also, police have been unable to find the witness listed
on the certificate.
Unsettled questions about the marriage have amplified the
heartache for Djordjevic's family at a time when they were
mourning his sudden death.
"Losing him was hard," Djordjevic's father said.
"But what happened after was very, very hard."
As his widow, Lear prevented Djordjevic's parents from
seeing his body at the Washoe County coroner's office,
according to the Review-Journal. Three months and a
court battle later, they were finally allowed to bury
him, the newspaper reported.
She also held onto his possessions, including two sports
cars and a gun collection. Court documents said his estate
was valued between $100,000 and $200,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Desktop Background
Dear Webby,
I have a question that you may be able to help with (or not).
I find tons of photos all over the internet that I love
to use for our desktop background, changing it often.
Most of the time they work; other times, they come out
in repeat squares of the photo all over the screen rather
than one very nice photo. I’ve attached 2 of those that
do this; would you open them, then try to choose as
background and see what happens. If you get repeats
all over too, is there any chance you can tell me why?
I know that with my luck, they’ll work fine for you! If that’s
the case, then I give up and will just hang on to the ones
I find that work and say c’est la vie. I look forward to
hearing from you whenever you have time to play
around. Thanks a bunch and also many thanks always
for my DearWebby letter; I love them!
Bonnie in NH
Dear Bonnie
Those pictures are too small to look nice when stretched
to the entire desktop. For best results, resize pictures to
whatever you have set for your screen resolution.
If you have your resolution set to 1600 x 1200 (like I do),
then a 400 x 300 picture would have to be stretched
4 times, and probably would look very coarse and ugly.
Sometimes you can shuffle the size up in increments.
Double the size, do an edge-preserving-smoothing,
sharpen a bit, then increase the size again, and so on.
It doesn't work with all pictures, but some may be worth
trying.
You can force the desktop to stretch a picture instead of
tiling it, but that usually makes nice pictures look
rather ugly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Know Store Return Policy
Before Buying
Before purchasing something from a store, make sure you
know and understand their return policies, and how they
apply to what you are buying. Most stores have restocking
fees for opened items and some items like software cannot
be returned if opened. Also, some stores only accept
returns of certain types of items, like electronics, for
anywhere from 7 to 30 days after purchase.
By Fisher
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
There once was an old penny pincher who had no friends.
Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor
to gather around him at bedside.
"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But
I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000
under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw
the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in
an envelope with $30,000 enclosed."
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope
in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor
said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church,
so I only threw in $20,000."
The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000
for a new clinic I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then
said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you.
I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's
final wish.
I threw in my personal check for the full amount!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bonnie for this:
For the First pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
A post from a week ago.
For the second pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.
For the third pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And A post from a week ago.
For the forth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error Messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.
For the fifth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.
For the sixth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
6 disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.
For the seventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago.
For the eighth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 Error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.
For the ninth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels Not working
7 hours with no mail
6 disconnections
5 frozen PM's
4 Jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a Week ago.
For The tenth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
10 propositions
9 Dumb Advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours with no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 Web crashes
And a post from a week ago
For the eleventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
11 pieces of Spam
10 Propositions
9 Dumb advertisements
8 channels not working
7 hours With no mail
6 Disconnection's
5 frozen PM's
4 jerks at Tech Help
3 error messages
2 web crashes
And a post from a week ago.
For the twelfth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
12 reasons to unsubscribe.
Bonnie
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
My two brothers arrived at boot camp together.
On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a
drill sergeant and made to assemble outside.
"My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled.
"Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"
My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said,
"Yes sir, I do."
The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you
and I was hoping you would say that."
The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in
front of the entire group.
"Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there
anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"
Today, December 5, in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti).
1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death
of Francis II.
1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held
his first sale in London.
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began.
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces
for the invasion of England.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were
retreating from Russia.
1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by
confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California.
1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The
device was the first practical pipe wrench.
1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at
Port Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War.
1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland.
1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa
making it possible for him to travel to the U.S.
1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the
36th state to ratify 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops
on the Somalian border.
1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with
plotting against Joseph Stalin's government.
1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics
operation was established.
1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under
a Supreme Council.
1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy.
1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S.
Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a
training mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station.
They were never heard from again.
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC.
1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from
Egypt during the Suez War.
1962 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate
in the peaceful uses of outer space.
1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria,
Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel.
1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus,
began beaming back its first information and pictures
1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were
killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment
building.
1986 The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by
the SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was
despite the decision by the U.S. to exceed them.
1989 Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab
guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt.
1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under
house arrest.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to
appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional
amendment that would have put his team of reformers
under the control of Russia's Congress.
1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union,
23 years after his father was the head. His father disappeared
and was presumed dead.
2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a
temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan.
Two women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid
Karzai and his Cabinet were planned to take over power
in Afghanistan on December 22.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications
downloaded.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013, 11:05 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 4.
Thank you Joanne C.!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to
a bimbo, who set her boyfriend's underwear on fire,
after trashing kitchen appliances, because he forgot
to get her some cigarettes.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
The blizzard stopped and the wind slowed down while I went
for my daily walk. -26, but the ruts in the unplowed roads
sure heated me up. To have a bit better balance I tied
Copper's chain around me like a ski lift tow-bar. That left
my hands free for waving and regaining my balance. Copper
had no problem with the ruts and figured we could go at
normal speed. So, except for a frozen face, I worked up
quite a sweat.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An opinion should be the result of thought,
not a substitute for it.
--- Jef Mallett,
>From Lu
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new
office, and his staff was helping transport many of the
items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car,
his bony arm across the back of my seat.
I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic
light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became
obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering
him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell
you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came
to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote,
"No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in
the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Amber Gray, 21, Carson City, Nevada
Jailed After Burning Boyfriend's
Briefs During Argument Over Cigarettes
Reported by the Weakly Vice
Amber Gray, a 21-year-old Nevada woman, was jailed Tuesday
after she allegedly set her boyfriend's underwear on fire
after he forgot to buy her cigarettes.
According to the Carson City Sheriff's Office, deputies
were dispatched to the couple's home at about 5 a.m.
Tuesday morning after receiving a report of a domestic
dispute inside the residence.
Arriving deputies made contact with a man who stated that
his girlfriend had set his underwear on fire inside of their
home during an argument over cigarettes.
Investigators say the girlfriend, Amber Gray, became upset
when her boyfriend forgot to purchase cigarettes for her
during a recent trip to the store. In retaliation, Gray
allegedly destroyed several household items before striking
the boyfriend in the face with a water bottle. She then
set a pair of her boyfriend's underwear on fire and let it
burn in the hallway of their home.
The boyfriend responded by moving the burning briefs to a
bath tub while Gray fled the apartment.
Two other residents who live inside the home confirmed
the boyfriend's account of the altercation - although
deputies were unable to find injury on the man from
the alleged water bottle attack.
Gray was later found at a local casino where she was
taken into custody.
She was booked into jail and charged with felony arson
and domestic battery. Her bail has been set at $43,000
Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Transfer files from XP to W8
Dear Webby,
I have gotten help from you before and it is
always good. Now I just bought a new computer W/ W8
and need to transfer many old pics. and music and some
data. Can I just use a Thumb drive, like you mentioned
the other day, with all the stuff that I want to transfer
and then plug that into the rather klutzy W8 machine?.
I have not yet put the new computer to much use and am
waiting to see if this will work.
Thanks for the timely info I always got. Next is trying
to find utilities to make that user-hostile W8 usable.
Thanks again.
Ron
Dear Ron
Yes, it will definitely work.
Everything from XP on reads thumb drives and card readers
just fine.
Make a plan first about where you want to put the pictures.
You probably have a huge hard drive now, that would be a
lot more manageable, if you partition it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Mini-Blinds Outdoors
I put my mini-blinds on the outdoor table and hose and wash
with the car wash brush, then flip and do the other side.
I hang them on the clothes line to dry. Kids can do this
chore.
By Sharon C. from Chesapeake, VA
I hang them on the clothes line,
spray them lightly with Simple Green, and then do them as
recommended by Sharon. They drip-dry without any spots.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a
drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at
noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy,
sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?"
He asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered.
"Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you
can't wait, I can have room service send something up
to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to a reader who does not want his name mentioned,
for sending this joke:
A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a
really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must
be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said the
Delta Airline slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a confused look and he immediately thought
to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta Airlines."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head.
He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"
She gave him the same confused look.
He then removed Singapore Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."
This time the woman turned to him
"What the HELL do you want?"
The man smiled, then leaned back in his chair, and said
"Ahhhhh, British Airways!"
Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his
friend Ole outside the jewelers. Ole noticed that
Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand.
"So vat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks.
"Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven,
"it's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and I asked her this
morning vat she vanted for her birthday she said,
'Oh, I don't know, dear, yust give me something with a
lot of diamonds in it.'"
"So vat did you get her?" Ole asks.
Sven replied, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards."
--------
He will be sleeping out in the barn until further notice.
Today, December 4, in
1783 Gen. George Washington said farewell to his officers at
Fraunces Tavern in New York.
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to
attend the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the
first chief executive to travel to Europe while in office.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the
dismantling of the Works Progress Administration.
1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the
first time during World War II.
1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced
that any club was free to employ black players.
1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col.
Frank Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board.
1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter.
1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire,
crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost
more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later.
1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman
mayor when she was named to replace George Moscone, who
had been murdered.
1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions
in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American
reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was
shot down and captured by Syria.
1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a
Kuwaiti airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land
in Tehran. Two American passengers were killed by the
hijackers.
1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their
89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising.
1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of
heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt.
1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was holding.
1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released
after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon.
1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops
to lead a mercy mission to Somalia.
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes
formally adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing
an estimated 1,000 people per day.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peace-
keepers they were holding as insurance against further
NATO airstrikes.
2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another
motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching
the other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses.
2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI
in an ongoing two year international investigation into
drug trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money
laundering. Some satellite descrambler parts were taken
from Simpson's home but no drugs were found.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013, 01:35 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 3.
Thank you, Lou!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to
a bonehead, who erroneously believed he could
get away from a herd of armed cops.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
>From Lillemor
Please note warning recently issued by the FBI:
WARNING:
After a recent wave of identify thefts, the FBI estimates
there are over 500 fake Obamacare websites set up for the
sole purpose of stealing your personal information.
Protect yourself and remember: the real one is the only one
that does not work.
The blizzard is still howling, second night in a row.
Visibility is excellent, above the clouds, but only about
a hundred feet down here. There is just enough snow, so
that you can't tell the difference between road and sidewalk
and lawn, unless you try to do a donut. Sure makes it easy
to turn around if you slide too far!
There is very little traffic and everybody is driving nice
and slow, except for doing a donut now and then, when we
figure nobody can see us.
Typical with blizzards from the North, my front stoop has
a foot high drift of snow, the steps are clear and so is the
concrete going to the garage door.
Five feet out from the garage door, there is the familiar
big drift, pretending to be a dune.
Wind is supposed to slow down on Wednesday, but they say
it is going to get colder than -25.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The income tax has made more liars out of the American
people than golf has.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned
by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
--- Hector Berlioz
yeah, happens to writers too.
At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy.
A smart-alek behind her in line told her:
"You should push the air out of them. The candies
might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in
them."
So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags.
After she did that he told her it didn't really matter.
It would have weighed the same.
Judi was more confused than ever and said,
"If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more,
then why does it make the bags look so fat?"
It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and
the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of
hysterical astonishment.
The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its
whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of
surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling
on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad
daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder.
"Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
Click on the picture for the large version
Hairy babysitter!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ronald Carr Murray Jr., 52, in Titusville, Floriduh
Crook flees for extra jail time
A Brevard County Sheriff’s Office deputy opened fire on a
fleeing suspect Saturday night in the parking lot of one
of Titusville’s best-known restaurants.
The gunfire occurred about 9 p.m. at Dixie Crossroads on
Garden Street. That’s when 52-year-old Titusville resident
Ronald Carr Murray Jr. — who was wanted on a warrant for
criminal mischief — resisted arrest and jumped into a
vehicle, said Deputy Maria Fernez, BCSO spokeswoman.
Murray’s vehicle dragged a deputy several feet across the
parking lot, Fernez said. The deputy opened fire at the
vehicle. The bullets did not hit anybody, but did hit the
vehicle, she said.
A vehicle chase ensued, with Titusville police joining in
the fun. Murray was arrested when he returned to his home
on Talmadge Drive, a short residential street west of
Whispering Hills Golf Estates.
Murray was charged with aggravated battery on a law
enforcement officer, fleeing and eluding, and resisting
arrest with violence. His bond was set at $200,000 Sunday.
His warrant stemmed from a September arrest, when Titusville
police charged him with criminal mischief valued at $200 or
less, clerk of courts records show. The warrant was issued
in October after he failed to attend a court arraignment.
Fernez did not identify the deputy who opened fire, nor did
she disclose how many shots were fired.
Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Fancy email link
Dear Webby,
I have a question about email and html. I know how to make
a link in html for people to click on to bring up an email to
send to you, but is there a way to also automatically add
the subject? So in my webpage I would have the link so when
they click on it it opens their email program and automatically
puts in my email address in the To field, but I would like
to know if there is a way to make the subject field fill in
automatically as well. I checked around in the html tutorial
that you have a link to (which proved to be very useful in
building the rest of my webpage) but I did not see anything
about adding the subject to emails. So if that is even
possible, how would I do it?
Thanks,
Chris
Dear Chris
That is no problem at all!
mailto:santa@webby.com?bcc=t@posty.net
&subject=Report%20For%20This%20week
&body=Been%20 good%20again.%0D%0AReally!
Paste those 3 lines together into one, unbroken line,
without any empty spaces in it.
That fills out the main addresses
santa@webby.com
and a BCC address
chrswmmr@cfl.rr.com
and the subject and the body.
That's all there is to it.
Since the desktop is basically just an HTML page,
you can even make a shortcut and paste that into
the run line.
If you put a group address into the BCC, that
makes it really easy to send a letter to a team or
entire address book category.
For real fun, prepare a shortcut like that,
on your secretary's or your spouse's machine, with her
confiding her undying love and wicked lust for the
fax machine (or somebody),
and change the icon of the shortcut to the same
as the one used for the word processor.
Every time they hit that icon, an email opens, already
written and ready to hit send.
Get ready for some very loud noise when she or he
catches on!
You can make the body text as long as you want,
just don't leave any empty spaces. Instead of spaces
use %20.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shopping for Christmas
For my Christmas shopping this year, I make sure I wear
comfortable walking shoes, and put on my iPod with peppy
music. Shopping malls know you will take your time if you
hear Christmas music, and will walk slowly, visiting more
stores.
I put on rock music or dance music. This way I walk faster,
do my cardio (almost), and complete my shopping in record
time. Happy holidays to all!
By Bob from Montreal, Canada
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
This is a Classic, that I featured about seven years ago.
Time to run it again:
I got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes:
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and
saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling
particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous
prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my
bumper.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just
lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I
didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good
thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked,
I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people
love Jesus!
Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started
honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window
and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO!
Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and
started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I
even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There
must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard
him yelling something about a "sunny beach".
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle
finger stuck up i! n the air. Then I asked my teenage
grandson in the back seat ! what that meant, he said that it
was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the
window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson
burst out laughing. Even he was enjoying this religious
experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the
moment that they got out of their cars and started walking
towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended,
but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I
waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove
on through the intersection.
In! oticed I was the only car that got through the
intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind
of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had
shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window
and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time
as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist
season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed
on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said,
"You know, it's been over five years since I first came in
here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied
the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve
one damn table at a time."
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired
and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:
"George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye
spare some victuals?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor
condition. "No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she said again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" by this time she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"
Today, December 3, in
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at
the Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French
physicist Georges Claude.
1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20
years of planning and construction. The bridge suffered
partial collapses in 1907 and 1916.
1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time.
1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire"
opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater.
1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed
by Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart
transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky lived 18 days.
1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of Jupiter.
The first outer-planetary probe had been launched from
Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center removed
the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist had become
the world's first recipient of a permanent artificial heart
only one day before.
1983 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two
White House entrances.
1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed
after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide
plant. The plant was operated by an Indian Union Carbide
subsidiary.
1992 The UN Security Council unanimously approved a U.S.-led
military mission to help starving Somalians.
1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna,
Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil.
1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting
her public appearances because she was tired of the media's
intrusions into her life.
1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a
cease-fire in their 18-year war.
1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release
hundreds of UN peacekeepers.
1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries signed a
treaty prohibiting the use and production of anti-personnel
land mines. The United States, China and Russia did not
sign the treaty.
1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International
Monetary Fund to bailout its economy.
1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the
Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the
French Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands.
1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day
meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new
round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests
by various groups, who didn't really know, what they were
protesting against, but they caused $2 Billion in damage.
1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered
Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned.
Monday, December 2, 2013, 09:52 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 2.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to
Meth makers, who lead cops to their lab
Details at International Bonehead Awards
The situation in Ukraine is heating up.
Kyiv Post
The US is pretending it's just another Benghazi and is
not helping.
The issue is that the people want to join the West,
but President Yanukovich has rejected the deal. His official
excuse was worries about Russia not liking that, and the
IMF asking for some guarantees on money. Actually, Russia
is no problem. Chechia and Slovakia switched to the EU
without a problem. The money guarantees for borrowing are
just normal and were expected. What he did not mention is
that the EU demanded that he release political prisoner
Tymochenko. He is scared of her!
Yanukovich is currently hiding in Russia, hoping the
situation will calm down.
The people are trying to convince the government to impeach
him and call for elections.
They have called on the US Government and all NATO governments
to take a stand and oppose any Russian military intervention.
It is already more bloody than the Orange Revolution in 2004.
They are calling the protest the begin of a revolution.
Thank you, Ruby!
Thank you, Norm!
Home4Christmas.com is for sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All phone calls are obscene.
--- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
--- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
One of the hardest things to teach a child is that the
truth is more important than the consequences.
--- O.A. Battista
Thanks to Kati for this story:
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married
for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's
habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise
would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water
and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with
him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day
he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one
Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where
she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was
sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl
of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual
trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the
floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture
she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in
his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned
me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my
guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God,
some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them
all back in."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Douglas Herman, 43, and Paul Dillard, 30, Cocoa Beach, Floriduh
Crooks lead cops to their meth lab
Police stumbled onto a large meth lab at Harbor Isles
Condominium in Cocoa Beach this morning – Brevard County
Sheriff’s Agents seized about 5.5 kilos of meth oil that
could have been further refined into methamphetamine.
It began with a car theft.
A Cocoa Beach woman turned a 2008 Chrysler Sebring over to
a credit company. Her son, Douglas Herman, took the car back
from a lot on Barton Boulevard in Rockledge, according to
Rockledge Police Lt. Donna Seyferth. The credit company
reported the car stolen.
This morning at about 8 a.m., Cocoa Beach police responded
to the condominium at the request of Rockledge police in an
effort to find the stolen car, according to Cocoa Beach
Police Maj. Jay Harmon. Officers found it in the parking lot
and approached unit 1126.
Three people saw the police and fled – one was injured after
jumping from the unit’s second story window. They were all
arrested.
Police on scene noticed the characteristic aroma of a meth
operation and called Brevard County Sheriff’s Office for
assistance, according to Deputy Maria Fernez. Deputies
responded to the condo, which belongs to Herman’s mother,
though she hasn’t been there in about a month. A hazmat
team responded, evacuating the surrounding apartments.
Inside, they found several jugs of meth oil, totaling
about 5,500 grams.
“That is quite a bit,” Fernez said. “In fact, 400 grams
equals a capital felony.”
Harmon identified the three people arrested and their
charges as:
Douglas Herman, 43, of Merritt Island – trafficking in
methamphetamine and resisting an officer without violence.
Paul Dillard, 30, of Cape Canaveral – trafficking in
methamphetamine and resisting an officer without violence.
Malhon Daughtery, 34, of Merritt Island – resisting an
officer without violence.
Tech Support Pits
From: Linda
Re: What to do about a spam scam?
Dear Webby
My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful.
She also suggested you might be able to answer a question
for me.
This morning I received a spam message from "someone"
purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam
(i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.).
It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message
to and they can stop it??
Thank you.
Linda
Dear Linda
That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or
"Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the
first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria
and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do
is send it to the US Secret Service.
US Secret Service
Financial Crimes Division
950 H Street N.W.
Suite 5300
Washington, DC 20223
Phone: (202) 406-5850
Fax: (202) 406-5031
419.fcd@usss.treas.gov
The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even
though this scam costs Americans over 100 Million Dollars a
year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how
many more people fall for that same old scam each year.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Beverages for the Christmas Cactus
I have a 55+ year old Christmas Cactus that I got after my
grandmother's death. It didn't do very well and didn't
grow much and I was about to throw it away; then, I
remembered seeing my grandmother pour whatever she was
drinking on the cactus. (Tea, coffee) I started giving
the cactus a cup of coffee once a week and it has just
exploded! It blooms twice a year and has grown by
leaps and bounds. Try coffee!
By Liz from Birmingham, AL
Editor's Note: This works really well but make sure it
is has no sugar or cream in it.
A cup of water with regular plant food, that you give to
other plantsworks well too over the winter.
Spring, summer and fall it is best to hang them out into
the wind. They are incredibly strong and like all succulents
love th wind. It helps them to pump nutrients up.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
"It ain't my fault," Miss Crabtree.
"You can blame this on my dad.
The reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights
in the raw!"
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for
thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he
meant by that, despite her mounting fears.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth,
little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told
the truth.
"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here
lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and
killed Ma's best milk goat.
And last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken
pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back
again, I'm a gonna git him!'"
"'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want
ya hurt!'
He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!
To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop.
Then he stuck that double barrel through the hatch of the coop.
As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind,
our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin'
up behind Dad. Then we all looked on plumb helpless as Dad
was cold-nosed without warnin'."
"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three
o'clock this mornin'!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Three nurses arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the
first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been
an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and
thousands of lives.
"OK", he says, "Come on in!"
The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he,
too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter
lets him in, too. St. Peter asks the third nurse the same
question.
She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and
has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the
insurance company.
St. Peter replies, "OK. Come on in. But you can only stay
three days."
>From Agnes
I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One
night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed
as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me
she had mellowed a lot over the years:
"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the
ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I
just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Today, December 2, in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France in the Cathedral
of Notre Dame in Paris.
1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine opposing
European expansion in the Western Hemisphere.
1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first
razor to feature a permanent handle and disposable
double-edge razor blades.
1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the
eastern front.
1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile.
It was the successor to the Model T.
1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an
airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m.
1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demoed
by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at University of Chicago.
1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy
for McCarthy's controversial investigation of suspected
communists in the U.S. government, military and civilian society.
1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally
broadcast speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that
he was going to lead Cuba to communism.
1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as
191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most
of the passengers were reporters and photographers.
1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operating
1980 The Central Committee of Poland’s Communist Party
announced major Politburo changes to cope with labor unrest.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent
artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney Clark.
He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was the
first of its kind.
1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of Pakistan.
1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India.
1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free
all-German elections since 1932.
1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive
earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. Nothing happened.
1991 American hostage Joseph Cicippio was released by his
kidnappers. He had been held captive in Lebanon for
over five years.
1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor
of the Maastricht Treaty on European unity.
1993 Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar was shot to death
by security forces in Medellin.
1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission
to fix the Hubble Space Telescope.
1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of
allegedly fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. Instead
a deal was made with GM under which the company would spend
more than $51 million on safety and research.
1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising
by President Clinton and Vice President Gore.
1999 The British government transferred political power over
the province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland
Executive.
2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The
filing came five days after Dynergy walked away from a
$8.4 billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S.
2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based
life form.
Sunday, December 1, 2013, 11:52 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, December 1.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to
Gusano's Pizzeria in Conway, Ark. and a breasstfeeding drunk
Details at International Bonehead AwardsHome4Christmas.com is for sale.
The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year
hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather
the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together.
The text can be in email or word processor or text file,
or HTML, if you are already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn
for you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Holding anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of
throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
--- The Buddha
>From Dianne
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon
a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under
your arm.'
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey
done roosted under my arm!'
The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is
closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do
to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If
you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do
to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'
The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and
let him go!'
>From Nanarina
OLE'S WISCONSIN FIRE INSURANCE
A man and his wife moved back home to Wisconsin from Arizona .
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Arizona was
$2,000.00 a year.
When they arrived in Wisconsin, they went to Sven's Insurance
agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden
leg. Sven looked it up on his computer and said to the couple,
"$39.00."
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here
in Wisconsin to insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in
Arizona.
Sven turned his computer screen to the couple and said,
"Well, here is it on the screen, direct from Ole's
Wisconsin Fire Insurance Company; it says: Any wooden
structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00".
I always did find Wisconsin logic far superior to
most others.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Gusano's Pizzeria in Conway, Ark. and Tasha Adams.
Woman Fired After Calling Cops
on Mom Drinking and Breastfeeding
A server at Gusano's Pizzeria in Conway, Ark. says she was
fired after calling the police on a woman drinking alcohol
and breastfeeding her child at the same time. She's now
demanding answers from her former employer.
Jackie Conners said she watched Tasha Adams, 28, consume
"drink after drink" last Wednesday and finally called the
police. Conners told KARK 4, "Me being a mom, and just
seeing something like that and seeing a baby that can't
speak for itself having a parent do something like that
is just unacceptable."
Adams was arrested and charged with endangering the welfare
of a minor and the 7-month-old child was released to family
members. According to the Daily Mail, Adams believes the
incident was "blown out of proportion" and wants people
to know she's "really a normal person."
Several days after the incident, Conners says she was fired
for "taking the situation into her own hands." However, a
manager at Gusano's said the call to police was "not the
reason" she lost her job.
Tech Support Pits
From: Judy
Re: Comcast connection problem
Hi Webby I have problems with my internet service there
are times when I try to open my Comcast E-Mail with Google
it will set and spin a blue circle and not open and i get
this popup message empty response and I will loose my internet
connection for a period of time.My Mozzella and Internet
Explorer will not open my Comcast e-mails I have contacted
Comcast ,but they will not listen to my problem and they
will not let me talk to a technical person. to find out what
empty response is and why I loose my internet connetion.
Can you help?
Judy
Dear Judy
That is typical for long term contracts with Comcast.
Sometimes you can get better service by writing to the
newspaper, but usually that is a waste of time, since they
are a huge national ISP.
You can try calling their billing department and telling
them that you are cancelling because of lack of acceptable
service. Sometimes Billing will connect you to actual techs,
but don't count on it.
Check for a local ISP. In almost all instances they provide
better service. They are aware of what is written about
them in the local paper, and they know you can vitit them
and swing a frying pan. The threat of you comming over and
screeching a temper tantrum at them, terrifies them.
Local Ma and Pa ISPs are in almost all instances more
expensive than the Low-service national ISPS, but sometimes
you can talk them into matching prices, or get fairly close.
Keep in mind, that personal service DOES cost money,
and needs to be paid for. It is usually worth it.
Don't try switching to Verizon or Earthlink. Most likely they
just sell the same low-service connection. Get a real local
ISP, and talk to them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spray Foaming Bleach or CLR for Mold
Grout lines in the bathtub/shower stall are notorious for
growing mold if not kept in check. I have found that keeping
a spray bottle of Clorox foaming bleach or a spray bottle
of CLR (or Lime-Away) in the bath area reduces clean up time.
Once a week after a shower, simply spritz the cleaning product
on the grout lines. Finish getting yourself ready, then before
leaving the bathroom, rinse down the stall with warm water.
Lime-Away also works wonders on the glass of the shower stall.
Do this regularly and you will never spend a precious Saturday
morning scrubbing your bathroom.
By Scout from Tennessee
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
I went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for
beetles?" I asked the clerk.
"No," replied. "It'll kill 'em."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local Pastor was visiting the home of Sister Jones to
comfort her after the recent loss of her husband.
"Come in Pastor." Stated Sister Jones. "Have a seat on the sofa."
Sitting on the sofa, the Pastor eyed a dish of peanuts setting
on the coffee table. He took a few of the peanuts and began to
eat them. After ten minutes he noticed that he had eaten nearly
all the peanuts. "Why Sister Jones," said the Pastor,
"It appears that I have eaten almost all your peanuts."
"That's okay Pastor." replied Sister Jones. "Now that I have
lost all my teeth I only get to suck the chocolate off!"
>From Wendy
My mother and I were walking down the street when a man
stopped us.
"I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too
much sex in movies?"
"I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband,
stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the
film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."
Today, Nov 30, in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy
tales.
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line
that ushered in the era of mass production.
1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened,
in Pittsburgh, PA.
1919 Lady Astor was sworn in as the first female member
of the British Parliament.
1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World
War I protagonists.
1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was
assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters.
1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April
1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction
of the Army Air Forces.
1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect.
1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful
sex-change operation had been performed.
1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused
to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested
marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S.
1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty
that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which
would be free from military activity.
1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began.
1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since
World War II.
1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately
crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame
fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing.
1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful
coup against Corazon Aquino's government.
1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's
constitutional guarantee of supremacy.
1990 Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the
Persian Gulf crisis.
1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel
finally met under the English Channel.
1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from
the Soviet Union.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment
attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress.
1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the
124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade.
1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion
creating the largest company in the world to date.
Saturday, November 30, 2013, 10:47 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 30.
Thanks, Dr Bill!
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
A bunch of perverts, who got caught trying to mess with
cops posing as under age kids.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"A philanthropist is someone who returns publicly what he stole
privately"
--- George Bernard Shaw
>From Dr Bill
Here's a bit I found crumpled up under my bed; thought you
might get a kick from it - maybe I got it from you in the
first place -
Yes, Dr Bill, I have indeed posted that before, but long
enough ago, that I can post it again.
1. the Wall Street Journal is read by the people who
run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they
run the country.
3. The NY Times is read by people who think George Soros
bought the right people to run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run
the country, but really don't understand the Washington Post;
they do, however, like their statistics in "Pie charts".
5. The LA Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running
the country if they could spare the time, and they didn't
have to leave LA to do it. And they aren't quite sure
whether it is Coke or Weed that is illegal.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used
to run the country and did a far superior job, thank you
very much!
7. The NY Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure
who's running the country, and don't really care as long
as they get a seat on the train.
8. The NY Post is read by people who don't care who's running
the country as long as they do something really scandalous,
preferably while intoxicated and/or it's extramarital.
9. The SF Chronicle is read by peole who aren't sure there
is a country...or that anyone is running it; but whoever
it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are
occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped
minority feminest atheist gay dwarves, who also happen to
be illegal aliens from any country or galaxy as long as
they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who run another
country, but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line
at the grocery store.
12. The Huffington Post is read by people, who want to get the
news that were censored by the US mainstream media.
Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic:
have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of
Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?)
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd
ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that
the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I
was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the
line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a
tall guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd
been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he
roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air.
Click on the picture for the large version
Fantasy Tree
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kristopher Gilbert, Titusville and Lorne Oland of Cocoa,
both in Floriduh
Jailed for soliciting minors online
A substitute teacher from Titusville is among 28 individuals
recently arrested by the Osceola County Sheriff's Office on
various child sex charges.
Kristopher Gilbert of Titusville, a substitute teacher in
Brevard Public Schools, and Lorne Oland of Cocoa were
arrested in the undercover sting.
In the five-day operation, a collaboration between the
sheriff’s office and the Central Florida Internet Crimes
Against Children Task Force, authorities posed as children
or as the guardians of children online and on instant
message programs.
Gilbert was charged with attempted sexual battery, attempted
lewd and lascivious battery, two counts of traveling to seduce
a child for sex, two counts of use of a computer to solicit
child and two counts of use of a computer to solicit a guardian.
Oland was charged with attempted lewd and lascivious battery,
traveling to seduce a child for sex and use of a computer to
solicit child.
Earlier this school year, Gilbert substituted at two Titusville
elementary schools: Imperial Estates on Aug. 15, 16, 19 and
23, and Coquina on Sept. 5 and 13, according to Brevard
Public Schools.
Brevard Public Schools Spokeswoman Michelle Irwin said that
Gilbert started substituting in April 2012. Information
about schools he substituted at last school year is not
immediately known.
Gilbert has not substituted since mid-September. He was
terminated upon his arrest, she said.
“He’s no longer a substitute with us,” Irwin said. “We don’t
want individuals with those kinds of tendencies in Brevard
schools.”
There were 26 others caught in the same sting operation,
but I don't have mugshots of those, yet.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ava
Re: Why not a 128 GB thumb drive?
Dear Webby,
Why are you against larger thumb drives? They are cheaper
than hard drives, and almost as fast.
Ava
Dear Ava
If you misplace an 8 GB thumb drive, it is probably not
such a big problem as when you loose a 128 Gb drive, that
has your entire business and live on it.
Stick with smaller drives until you have a good routine for
handling and storing thumb drives. They are getting smaller
and easier to misplace or loose all the time.
Unless you are in the habit of misplacing or losing your
keys, get the type, that go onto your key ring. Another good
alternative is the flexible bracelets, like they wear in banks.
Get into the habit of always hanging them up behind a certain
closet or cabinet door, whenever they are not in use.
Since you can get them in many colors and shapes, dedicate
different colors to different tasks,
for example red for music, blue for accounting,
green for movies, etc.
Your accounting will easily fit onto a 1 or 2 GB stick,
but for music and movies you might some day need a 16 GB.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Leftover Thanksgiving Meal Containers
I buy the throw-away aluminum baking pans with lids to send
leftovers home for my guests. Example: for my three children,
I buy 2 pans for each family; one for the main meal leftovers
and one for desserts. This eliminates searching through
cabinets for margarine tubs, or plastic containers.
These aluminum baking pans can be purchased at the local
Dollar stores and come in various sizes.
By WandaJo from Collierville, Tennessee
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Glenis for this story:
Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night
before, my husband planned to come home from the office
before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting
had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided
to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel.
I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings
with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some
bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine.
When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen
table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all.
I'll call you when I get there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows
him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them
a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute
little vase on the mantel.
He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..."
She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to
get an ashtray."
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging
that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.
He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.
"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow
over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said,
"All right, dumb ass! Get in."
Today, Nov 30, in
1016 English King Edmund II died.
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an
army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva.
King Charles XII died on this day.
1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace
articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War.
1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France.
1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz
Mexico declared war on France.
1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and
destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope.
1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine.
1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its
first commercial exhibition.
1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire.
The structure had been constructed for the International
Exhibition of 1851.
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet
troops invaded Finland. Finland asked Germany for help, and
kicked the Krauts out once they had chased the Russians back,
and when it became obvious, that the Allies would win.
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking.
1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a
meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock
weighed 8½-pounds.
1966 The former British colony of Barbados became independent.
1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S. President
Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired national security
staffer Oliver North as a "national hero."
1989 PLO leader Yasser Arafat was refused a visa to enter the
United States in order to address the U.N. General Assembly
in New York City.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill.
The bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun
purchases and background checks of prospective buyers.
1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire
Bankers Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's
largest financial institution.
Friday, November 29, 2013, 08:11 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 29.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thaks, Dr Bill!
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
Henry Earl for his 1500th jail time.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Town names:
>From Norm
Climax, Sask.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and
action, where it often substitutes for both.
--- John Andrew Holmes
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with
customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers
to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver.
I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about
falling asleep at the wheel."
"Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in
your left hand and hold it out the window."
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder
hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in
his hand.
The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says,
"Looks as if I killed your dog."
"Sure does."
"I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that
be enough?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Two hundred dollars. That should do it."
"Sounds good."
The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the
money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry
I spoiled your plans to go hunting."
"I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to
put that that mangy mutt out of his misery."
Click on the picture for the large version
Telemark, Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Henry Earl, Fayette County Jail, Kentucky
Thanksgiving In Jail For
World's Most Busted Man
Kentuckian has been arrested
more than 1500 times since '70
NOVEMBER 27--The World’s Most Arrested Man, a Kentuckian who
has been busted more than 1500 times over the past four decades,
will spend another Thanksgiving in jail, records show.
Henry Earl, 64, is locked up in the Fayette County Detention
Center--which one day should bear his name--following his
arrest last month for public intoxication. Earl was collared
outside a fast food joint by Lexington cops, according to
jail records.
Seen above in his most recent mug shot, Earl is due in court
for a December 5 pretrial conference and a probation
revocation hearing.
Earl, whose arrests almost uniformly have involved alcohol,
was first nabbed in Fayette County in July 1970, when he was
20, for carrying a concealed weapon. He would rack up 33 more
arrests that decade, while adding 230 collars during the
1980s (most of which involved public drunkenness and/or
disorderly conduct).
Remarkably, Earl’s arrest rate increased in the following
decades, in part because he rarely spent more than a couple
of days in custody before being released (to offend again).
Over the past year, however, Kentucky judges have been less
lenient on Earl, who has begun spending two to three month
stretches in custody per conviction.
For the third time in the past five years, Earl will spend
Thanksgiving behind bars (where he celebrated his 64th
birthday on October 24). Earl, who has used the alias
“James Brown,” has spent a total of nearly 6000 days in
custody.
----------
Somebody should tell him that they now have showers outside
of jail too, even in Kentucky.
Tech Support Pits
From: Belinda
Re: Transferring files
Dear Webby,
There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention:
Thumbdrives! They work even for blondes like me!
They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly
into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a
new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the
other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it.
Sneaker-Net works!
Belinda
Dear Belinda
You are absolutely right, and today's thumbdrives are
unbelievably cheap. Some computer stores even give them
away for free on special sale days. However, even if you
have to pay for one, they are cheap. Don't go for a 64GB
thumb drive. Just to haul files over to another computer
an 8 GB drive will usually be more than enough.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Free "Kettlebell" for Exercise
Instead of purchasing a kettlebell, use a large empty plastic
laundry bottle filled with water. Tighten the cap before each
use to be sure it is on tight.
By Denise G.
In case you wonder what a "kettlebell" is, it is a currently
fashionable substitute for hand held dumbbells. Kettlebells
are just dumbbells in the shape of old-fashioned tea kettles.
The major difference is that unlike dumbbells, they are not
yet available, unused, at garage sales, but have to be
purchased at premium prices at fitness paraphenalia stores.
THAT makes them fashionable.
You can get exactly the same exercise from an ordinary
closthes iron. They usually cost a dollar at garage sales,
and are usually unused wedding gifts. They even have a
handy cord attached, that you can attach to a light fixture
or rafter in your exercise room, so that it won't fall on
your freshly painted toe nails, when you drop it the moment
your cell phone rings.
You can of course use the same trick with Denise's laundry
bottle. The claimed difference with kettlebells over
dumbbells is that they are as unbalanced as a clothes iron
or laundry bottle and use some muscles, that a dumbbell
does not use.
I am going to dig out my iron. I might even try to iron a
shirt or two. At the speed of my luck, I will probably get
the hang of that faster than finding a lady, who knows how
to iron a shirt. I think those are about as extinct as
unicorns.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Father teaching his daughter to drive:
"Stop on red,
go on green,
and take it easy when I turn purple."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ann for this story:
An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting
in the long line for judgment. As she stood there, she
noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through
the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over
to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every
so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire,
Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side.
After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's
curiosity got the best of her. So she strolled over to find
out what the devil he was doing.
"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting
my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why
are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them
into the fires of hell with the others?"
Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan.
"They're all from Seattle and from Vancouver, they're too
wet to burn! I'll have to wring them out first."
Today, Nov 29, in
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a
militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least
400 peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had
surrendered and had been given permission to camp.
1929 The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made
by U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd.
1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland
s prior to a Soviet attack.
1945 The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic
proclaimed.
1947 The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that called
for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews.
1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S.
with Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth twice
before landing off Puerto Rico.
1963 A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and
7 crew members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes
after takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed.
The crash was the worst in Canada's history.
1974 In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican
Army became effective.
1975 Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company
he and Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer
language for the Altair.
1981 Actress Natalie Wood drowned in a boating accident off
Santa Catalina Island, CA, at the age 43.
1982 The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union
should withdraw its troops from Afghanistan.
1987 A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115
people aboard.
1987 Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding
for more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in Oakdale, LA.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal
defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail to
preserve potentially vital evidence.
1989 In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended the
party's 40-year monopoly on power.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military action
if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and release all
foreign hostages by January 15, 1991.
1991 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a dust
storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5.
1994 Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its
airport only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin
demanded the breakaway republic end its civil war.
1996 A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen
Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre
of 1,200 Muslims.
1998 Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin
and other narcotics.
Thursday, November 28, 2013, 12:15 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 28.
If you are in the US,
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
Thank you for being you!
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
drunk "mother" trowing Infant Daughter at cop
and resisting arrest after drunk car accident.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
>From James
Subject: Town names.
Dear Webby
Here are a few more names to add
Gobbler,AR
Monkey's Eyebrow,AZ
Conception,MO
Oatmeal,TX
Hot Coffee,MS
I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
James.
Thanks, James!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to
anything.
--- Frank Dane
Most of the change we think we see in life is due to
truths being in and out of favor.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
--- Henry David Thoreau
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone
problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby
and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by
calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for
years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel
management to change its number. Naturally, the management
refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a
number, and just because a customer was getting someone
else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible.
After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take
matters into her own hands.
At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling
the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola
said, "No problem. How many nights?"
A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite
with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the
Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a
night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if
the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary,"
Leola said. "We trust you."
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked
an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day
weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans
from World War II.
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she
could watch a famous trial, but her biggest challenge came in the
afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her
daughter's wedding in June.
Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked
if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel
to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the
hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of
valet parking came up.
Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet
parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the
drivers."
Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a
disaster area.
People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet
Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.
Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper
that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an
executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you
$2 Million for the motel."
Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the
telephone number."
During an annual psychiatrists convention, three psychiatrists
take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt
and fears," Kathryn says, "but we have no one to go to with
our problems. Since we're all professionals, why don't we
hear each other out right now?"
They agree that this is a good idea. Robert, the first
psychiartrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply
in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can."
The second, Kane, admits, "I have a drug problem that's out
of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying
illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist, Kathryn says, "I know it's wrong,
but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
Click on the picture for the large version
Telemark, Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Tamika Williams, 28, Orlando, Floriduh
Crashed Car, Threw Baby, Punched Officer
A Florida woman involved in a car crash last week is accused
of throwing her 2-year-old daughter at a cop and punching a
different cop in the head.
Tamika Williams, 28, hit a tree, rolled over and crashed
into a fence in her SUV at around 11:55 p.m. Friday, according
to a police report obtained by the Orlando Sentinel. The
Orlando woman allegedly tried to flee the scene with her
toddler in tow. When police tried to stop her, she threw
the girl at an officer, "forcing me to catch the baby,"
he wrote in a report.
He didn't fumble the pass.
Next, she allegedly punched another officer in the head,
then kept hitting her until the other officer used a stun
gun on her.
Williams is charged with child neglect, battery on a law
enforcement officer, resisting arrest with violence,
and leaving the scene of an accident.
She's not the first mom to be accused of throwing a baby.
In April, a Connecticut bus passenger was allegedly caught
on camera tossing her child to the side before attacking
a fellow passenger she claimed "disrespected her in front
of her baby."
Tech Support Pits
From: Patricia
Re: Where is that picture from?
Dear webby,
I am so glad that you got home safely from your appointment
with eye doctor. Also happy that others contributed to
your letter and kept it going.
Can you tell me where the gorgeous picture in Today's
Newsletter is? We are having cold rain here in Alabama.
Snow usually stays North of here.
Keep well and have nice Holidays.
Patricia
Dear KayDear Patricia
When you click on the picture, then you get the big version:
http://webby.com/humor/i/Tallulah-Gorge ...
The name of the picture, if you save it to your computer, is
Tallulah-Gorge-Georgia-L.jpg
The name tells you that it is the Tallulah Gorge in Georgia
and that it is the Large version. By going after the same
name, but without the L, you get the small version, that is
more convenient to put into your own emails:
http://webby.com/humor/i/Tallulah-Gorge ...
Sometimes I don't know the name of the location,
but when I do, I put it into the file name.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Hand Soap
In the days of counting pennies, this will help if you buy
the hand soap pumps like I do. Once that pump is empty,
I make my own for pennies using 1 Tbsp. dish soap (any kind
will do), and 1 tsp. of bleach. Fill slowly with water and
shake gently. You have a great hand soap that kills germs
for pennies, compared to buying new pumps or the refills
for them.
By leigh harvey
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200
to get his car fixed and road-worthy again, but had run out
of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the
operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad,
"I need to borrow two hundred dollars."
At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you,
son, I think there may be a bad line."
The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!"
"Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father.
The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him
perfectly."
The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some
money!"
Click
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
You Know You're a Redneck When
1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than
your spouse.
2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner
table in front of her kids.
3.---You're been married three times and still have the same
in-laws.
4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a
different night.
5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
clean.
7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey,
Yall watch this."
8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9.---Your junior prom had a daycare.
10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
right off its wheels.
13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
depending on how much gas is in it.
14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get
a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because
there's a law against it.
18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is
drunk.
19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog.
Today, Nov 28, in
1520 - Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American
strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first
European to sail the Pacific from the east.
1582 - William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married.
1919 - American-born Lady Astor was elected the first female
member of the British Parliament.
1922 - Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the
first public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out,
"Hello USA. Call Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times
Square.
1934 - The U.S. bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson was
killed by FBI agents near Barrington, IL.
1942 - 491 people died in a fire that destroyed the Coconut
Grove in Boston.
1943 - U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet Leader Joseph Stalin
met in Tehran to map out strategy concerning World War II.
1963 - U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral
would be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated
predecessor. The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in
1973 by a vote of residents.
1964 - The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from
Cape Kennedy on a course set for Mars.
1978 - The Iranian government banned religious marches.
1979 - An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole
crashed in Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard.
1983 - The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9
Spacelab in its cargo bay.
1990 - Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain.
1992 - In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant
gunmen attacked a country club killing four people and
injuring 20.
1994 - Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed
to death in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate.
1994 - Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership.
1995 - U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill
that ended the federal 55 mph speed limit.
2010 - WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S.
diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or
"confidential."
Wednesday, November 27, 2013, 12:07 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 27.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
drunk "mother" for Delivering Deadly Drunken
Breastfeed To Infant Daughter.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Towns added:
>From Bill and Flo
Dildo, Newfoundland
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads
Marx and Lenin.
And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who
understands Marx and Lenin.
--- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004)
A little boy came home from Sunday School with a
big candy bar. His mother asked him where he got it.
"I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me,"
he said.
"That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him.
"I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the
door and got me in for free!"
Thanks to Lisa for this story:
I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where
my husband was stationed in the military.
As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me
some standard security questions.
"Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack
yourself?" he asked.
I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take
to her son.
He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like
you?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Yadina Morales, 22, Hagerstown, MD
Jailed for Delivering Deadly Drunken
Breastfeed To Infant Daughter
Reported by the Weekly Vice
Yadina Morales, a 22-year-old Maryland woman, was jailed
Saturday after she allegedly smothered her baby daughter
to death while attempting to breast feed the child while
heavily intoxicated.
According to the Washington County Sheriff's Office,
deputies were dispatched to a Hagerstown residence at around
7 a.m. when Morales woke up to find her 2-month-old baby
unresponsive.
Investigators say Morales was "highly intoxicated" when she
fell asleep while breast feeding her baby. She woke up a
few hours later to find the child underneath her and
unresponsive.
First responders rushed the little girl to Meritus Medical
Center where she was pronounced dead. Morales was also taken
to MMC where she was evaluated before her arrest.
Morales was booked into jail and charged with manslaughter,
second-degree child abuse and reckless endangerment.
Last year, a man that Morales identified as her boyfriend,
was charged with child abuse after Morales' 2-year-old
daughter arrived at the emergency room with fractured ribs
and other injuries. The suspect ultimately pleaded guilty
to a lesser charge.
Tech Support Pits
From: Kay
Re: How do I export favorites
Dear Webby
I have done this before, but I have forgotten the steps.
I just want to save my favorites, so they won't be lost
in case of a computer crash.
Thank you so much for all of your help.
Kay
Dear Kay
That used to be ALT FINE, but in their hysterical efforts
to make things less user friendly, Microsoft blocked that
method.
I have not used IE for many years and had to do a bunch of
experimenting.
The Information at microsoft is not up to date yet, and
does not help with the current IE. Well, they can look
it up here.
Near the right top you see a little house, a star and a
gear. Hit the star.
A button appears with "Add to Favorites" and a little
pull-down arrow.
Ignore the button and pull down the arrow.
In the pull-down you see "Import and Export"
Go into Export and select your choices.
That is it with the current IE.
Older versions are different and the December version
will probably be different again.
With FireFox it is still the same:
CTRL SHIFT B to open the Bookmarks files
ALT i to open the Import - Export
E to export
As long as you remember CTRL SHIFT B for Bookmarks,
the rest are obvious and easy choices.
Then you can save them as an HTML file that you can
import again, or even upload for others to use.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Your Shower Curtain Clear!
I found that if I spray the plastic shower curtain liner
about once a week with a tub and tile foam cleaner, it will
look almost new. I use the Dow Scrubbing Bubbles - just
spray on the inside of the shower liner, wait a couple of
minutes and wipe off with a sponge or spray with the shower
head. Works great!
By Melna
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst
men?
A. Wife saying they need to talk.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I read a story about private pilots getting busted by the FAA
and Secret Service in 2001 for straying into restricted air
space -- mostly around President Bush's ranch in Texas.
The trouble was, aviation charts aren't updated to include
the restricted area and the Secret Service keeps changing
the rules. One week it's a 30 mile circle, the next is a
20 mile radius.
Right after September 11 a pilot in his 70s who lives near
the President's place in Crawford thought it was ok to start
flying again. He hopped in his plane and took off. That
promptly set off alarms at the nearby Waco control tower,
who dispatched F-16s to bring the man down. He was then
escorted to Waco for questioning.
After questioning the man and determining he was not a
threat to the President, the Secret Service gave him a ride
home. When they pulled up into the yard, the man's wife
came charging out of the house, wiping her hands on her
apron and screaming at the man. "You DUMBASS! I TOLD
YOU NOT TO GO FLYING!"
The man turned to the agents and said, "Can I go back to
Waco with y'all?"
Today, Nov 27, in
1684 Japan's shogun Yoshimune Tokugawa was born.
1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor
of the Celsius thermometer.
1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive
an automobile through Central Park in New York City.
1970 Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked
at the Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as
a priest.
1973 The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as
vice president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew.
1978 San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor
Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death
inside City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor.
1985 The British House of Commons approved the Anglo-Irish
accord giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing
of British-ruled Northern Ireland.
1989 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a
Colombian jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off
from Bogota's international airport. Police blamed the
incident on drug traffickers.
1992 In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow
President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in
ten months.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013, 01:24 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 25.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to three
Sasquatch Hunters.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Towns added:
>From Alison
Here is an odd town name for you.
84, Pennsylvania.
by the way I live in
Zelienople, Pa.
Not that interesting, perhaps, but its a lot of fun when
telemarketers try to pronounce it.
Thanks for taking some of the pain out of getting up in
the morning.
Carry on!
Alison
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction
being written today.
--- Herman Wouk (1915 - )
Real notes to the Milkman
These notes left for milkmen came from England, where milk
apparently is still being delivered.
"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
"Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk."
"Cancel one pint after the day after today."
"Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"
"Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds
keep pecking the tops off the milk."
"Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today."
"Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house
but two sons on the dole."
"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a
baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
"Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a
dozen pints, but the other way round."
"When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window
and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to
turn the mattress.
"Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last
nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what
happened over a cup of tea."
"My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it
before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."
"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby
two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour
told me."
"Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant."
"Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."
"From now on please leave two pints every other day and
one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and
Saturdays when I don't want any milk."
"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money
out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence,
because we want to play bingo tonight."
"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean
tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday."
"When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler,
let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door.
PS. Don't leave any milk.
"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No.14 either as he
is dead until further notice."
Dear Diary:
Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's
fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said,
"Beat 12 eggs separately" The neighbors were nice enough to loan me
some extra bowls.
Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve
without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob
brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before
steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I
can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It
said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour
before serving." Which is what led up to Bob asking me why there was
lettuce in our bed that night.
Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put a! ll
ingredients in bowl and beat it." There must have been something
wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as
when I left.
Saturday: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He
asked me to dress it for Sunday. ( oh boy) For some reason Bob keeps
counting to ten.
Sunday: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I
could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put
the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still
came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
Good night, Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am
eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If
we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with
"Chocolate Moose."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Omar Pineda, 21, Perry James, 53, and Lacey Pineda, 22
in Rogers County, Oklahoma
Man shoots friend while hunting for Bigfoot
Reported by the Daily News
Omar Pineda, 21, heard what he thought was 'barking' when
he turned and shot his unidentified Sasquatch-hunting partner
in some woods north of Tulsa, Okla., Saturday, police said.
The victim was shot in the back and expected to survive.
Two men were hunting for Bigfoot in rural Oklahoma when one
of them accidentally shot the other, police said.
Omar Pineda, 21, was spooked by what he thought was "barking"
when he jerked around and shot his pal in a wooded area north
of Tulsa on Saturday, Tulsa's News 6 reported.
The friend, who wasn't identified, was shot in the back and
expected to survive. EMTs met the pair at a QuikTrip
convenience store after the shooting.
Pineda was arrested for reckless conduct with a firearm and
obstruction.
His father-in-law, Perry James, and his wife, Lacey Pineda,
were also arrested for helping the Sasquatch hunters evade
investigation.
Cops said James, 53, tossed Pineda's gun into a pond on his
property, while the 22-year-old Lacey told cops someone else
fired at the pair, News 6 reported.
"If (they) had just been factual, upfront and truthful with
us and explained that this was truly an accident, as strange
as it might sound, we would have went ahead and investigated
and probably nobody would have (gone) to jail," Rogers County
Sheriff Scott Walton told the station.
No Sasquatch was hurt in this incident.
Tech Support Pits
From: Russel
Re: Windows7 fails to install updates
Dear Webby:
One of my W7 laptops running Professional had a similar
problem. It kept telling me it was updating prior to
shutting down but continued to go through the same process
every power down sequence.
I believe this is the link I used to solve the problem.
See ‘Best Solution’.
Windows Update Fails.
Hard to be productiive when crap happens.
- Russ
Dear Rus
Thank you!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Permanent Marker
As a teacher, once when I was preparing for a class, I used
a permanent marker on the new dry eraser board. I read the
marker and found EXPO's 1-800 number and called it for help.
You can erase permanent marker by writing over it with
another marker and wiping it off with a tissue.
The second method for removing it is EXPO Erase spray. I
have removed many a nasty note (middle schoolers) from
desks, chairs, and mirrors in the bathroom. It should
be named Miracle Spray.
By SandyE from Battle Creek, MI
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed
a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door.
Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor
besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed
to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't
look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post
that sign?"
"Because"; the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people
kept tripping over him nd bshing their teeth out on the counter."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner
at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the
hostess.
Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented,
"These are very good!
You must have a very good camera."
He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving
to go home he said,
"That was a really delicious meal, Millie!"
"Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically.
Then Morris added, "You must have a very good stove!"
Today, Nov 26, in
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on
display in Boston, MA.
1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to
observe the adoption of the Constitution of the US.
1825 The first college social fraternity, Kappa Alpha,
was formed at Union College in Schenectady, NY.
1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City.
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car.
1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially
formed in Montreal, Canada.
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of
King Tutankhamen.
1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland
to live within a walled ghetto.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill
establishing the fourth Thursday in November as
Thanksgiving Day.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered
nationwide gasoline rationing to begin December 1.
1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world
premiere at the Hollywood Theater in New York City.
1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk
by a guided missile, causing the death of 1,015 U.S.
troops.
1949 India's Constituent Assembly adopted the country's
constitution The country became republic within the
British Commonwealth two months later.
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN
forces to retreat.
1965 France became the third country to enter space when
it launched its first satellite the Diamant-A.
1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to
re-admit China after a 21-year absence.
1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport
was robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold
bars worth nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the
gold has ever been recovered and only two men were
convicted in the heist.
1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were
acquired by Random House for $3,000,000.
1986 U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed
by former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National
Security Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair.
1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser
Arafat, who was seeking permission to travel to New York
to address the U.N. General Assembly.
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi
Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand that
Iraq withdraw from Kuwait.
1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire
MCA Inc. for $6.6 billion.
1992 The British government announced that
Queen Elizabeth II had volunteered to start paying taxes
on her personal income. She also took her children off
the public payroll.
1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the
Brooklyn borough of New York City. The clerk inside was
fatally burned.
1997 The U.S. and North Korea held high-level discussions
at the State Department for the first time.
1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro
wrestling and would run for president in 2000.
2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that
censured Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning
that it would be policed to put to rest suspicions
that the country had a weapons agenda.
Monday, November 25, 2013, 01:07 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 25.
Towns added:
>From Dr Bill
Gold Pants, Calif.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
--- Jim Morrison (1943 - 1971)
We know what happens to people who stay in the
middle of the road. They get run over.
--- Aneurin Bevan (1897 - 1960)
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening
to Somebody Else."
--- Will Rogers
>From Dianne
On Black Friday, a couple went Christmas shopping. The
shopping center was packed. As the wife walked through the
mall, she looked around to find her husband, who was nowhere
to be seen. She became quite upset, because they had a lot
of shopping to do. When not being able to find him, she
became worried. So, she called him on her cell phone and asked
him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we
went to about five years ago, where you fell in love with
that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford and I told
you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife became choked up and started to cry, then said,
"Oh, honey! Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub, next door to it."
>From Lillemor
Wife texts husband on cold winter morning:
Windows frozen, won't open.
Husband texts back: Gently pour some lukewarm water
in small spray bottle and spray water on windows.
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
Computer really screwed up now.
Click on the picture for the large version
Airy, but maybe not hurricane proof.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Karie Lindgren, 36, Tarpon Springs, Floriduh
Jailed For Running Over Duck
Who Rejected Her Advances
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Karie Lindgren, a 36-year-old Florida woman, was jailed
Saturday after she allegedly killed a duck after the animal
rejected her advances.
According to police, Lindgren became angry when she tried
to lure a duck towards her with a piece of candy, but the
duck refused to come to her.
Witnesses say Lindgren "stalked the duck" in an attempt
to win the animal's favor, but the duck would have no
part of her.
That's when she allegedly got into a car, drove across a
lawn at a high rate of speed, and struck the animal with
her vehicle.
Officers who arrived on the scene found the dead duck
laying in a driveway.
Lindgren was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and
charged with animal cruelty. She was released after
posting $5,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits
From: Rose
Re: Windows7 keeps updating
Dear Webby:
My Windows 7 has learned a new trick.
When I shut it off, the screen informs me that it's
installing one update. This happens
every time I close down the computer.
I've changed the Settings to "Inform Me Before Installing"
but it ignores that.
Help?
Love, Rose
Dear Rose
Your settings will apply to future updates.
It is still trying to finish one from before.
Just let it finish, unless it is this Tuesday's.
Some updates seem to take forever to finish,
and are also very time consuming on the next start-up.
That is normal for Windows 7 now.
If you want fast and unobtrusive updates, then you will
have to go to Linux. I can do updates and installs on a
Linux server while a few throusand people are browsing
sites on it, and none of them will notice it.
If I have to reboot, it will appear to the visitors as if
their connection had a momentary hick-up.
Windows has an awfully long way to go to catch up to Linux!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Newspaper For Shipping
Use newspaper to wrap gifts! It's especially nice when you
ship to another state and you can read what's going on in
that area. It saves money on the fancy wrappings.
By Debbie
Once upon a time, long, long ago, in the days when I still
read newspapers, I used to save the Weekend Funnies for just
that purpose. Funnies are never "Old News". People loved
them!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While
suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly
smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian cookies.
With all his remaining strength, he lifted himself from
the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way
out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping
the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe,
gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony,
he would have thought himself already in heaven.
There, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table,
were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love
from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing
to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards
the table, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in
his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged
and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the
edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked hard with
a wooden spoon by his wife.
"GET OUT A HERE!" she shouted, "THEY'RE FORA DA FUNERAL!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his
mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies."
Risking further embarrassment, the mother ask for details
on how to make babies."
"It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies."
Today, Nov 25, in
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to
be granted an English patent for cleaning and curing
Indian corn.
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British
captured Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh.
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated
New York. New York was their last military position in
the U.S.
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom.
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in
exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public
debts and settle border disputes.
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite.
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk.
1920 The first play-by-play broadcast of a football game
was aired in College Station, TX. The game was between
the University of Texas and Texas A&M.
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan
and Germany, was signed.
1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned
racial segregation on interstate trains and buses.
1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower suffered a stroke.
1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide
after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war constitution.
1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in
military coup.
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards
against the Detroit Lions.
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced
a cease-fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon.
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese
revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had
been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security
Advisor John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired.
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into
separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning 1993.
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean
dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being
sought by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution
for the crimes he was accused of having committed during
his rule.
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a
$5.5 billion bailout for Pakistan.
Sunday, November 24, 2013, 09:43 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 24.
If you use "gadgets" like the clock or the CPU meter,
hold off with the current Windows update, and read today's
Tech Support Pits.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
--- Nick Diamos
Sounds like parliament
>From Cookie
Town Names of the South
Toad Suck, Arkansas
Grosse Tete, Louisiana
Horneytown, North Carolina
Twin Knobs, Kentucky
Three Way, Tennessee
Flea Hop, Alabama
Beaver Lick, Kentucky
Big Bone Lick state park, Kentucky
Knob Lick, Kentucky
Paint Lick, Kentucky
Bald Knob, Arkansas
Climax. Georgia
Sugar Teat, South Carolina
Wiener, Arkansas
Tight squeeze, Virginia
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Big Beaver, Michigan
Possum Grape, Arkansas
If you got more, send them to me!
The North has
SNAFU (S.N.A.F.U. = Situation Normal, All Fu..ed Up)
TARFU (T.A.R.F.U. = Things Are Really Fu..ed Up
in the Yukon. They started out as military and construction
camps in 1941 during construction of the Alaska Highway,
when somebody's compass malfunctioned and the road took off
at a right angle going southward, towards the Atlin, BC
hotsprings.
When they got TARFU established, they realized the errors
of their way, and went back to what became Jake's Corner,
and headed northwest towards Whitehorse and Anchorage again.
SNAFU and TARFU became common Army terms.
The road was extended past TARFU towards Atlin in the 70's.
The Yukon has lakes all over the place, and of course, those
two army camps were built by nice fishing lakes, probably
because it was easy to establish camps on the lake ice,
and to supplement the food with fish.
I have fished in both of those lakes a few times.
My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple
of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. (Uncle Joe swears it had
nothing to do with the large quantities of alcohol consumed...)
Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have
to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and
someone will find us."
They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while,
they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try
once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to
our last three arrows."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Brian Hounslow, 37, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Jailed For Naked Masturbation
Inside Walmart Women’s Bathroom
Reported by The Smoking Gun
An Oklahoma man was arrested yesterday for allegedly
masturbating in the women’s bathroom at a Tulsa Walmart,
a solo act that was interrupted by a female shopper who
discovered the naked suspect around 8:30 AM, police report.
Customer Beth Davis told police that she entered the restroom
yesterday morning and found a nude man pleasuring himself
in front of the mirror. Davis, who fled the bathroom in
search of help, said that she later saw the suspect,
now dressed, depart the bathroom and head for the Walmart’s
exit.
So the 61-year-old Davis, who told TSG she was “in panic mode”,
began filming him with her cell phone, while providing
accompanying narration: “My name is Beth Davis and I witnessed
it. You were naked and had your pants down around your ankles.
Someone stop him. Do not let him go out that door.”
While the man ran from the store, a second shopper
photographed his vehicle and its license plate. Within
two hours, Tulsa cops arrested Brian Hounslow, 37, for
felony indecent exposure. Hounslow, seen in the above mug
shot, was booked into the county jail, where he is being
held in lieu of $5000 bond.
According to a booking report, Hounslow confessed to sex
crime detectives that he had been masturbating in the
Walmart bathroom. The document also notes that Davis
saw Hounslow’s “fully exposed turgid penis.”
Davis, a grandmother of eight, said that Hounslow offered
an apology, of sorts, when she confronted him after he
left the restroom. Hounslow, she recalled, said, “I didn’t
know it was the women’s bathroom.”
Tech Support Pits
From: Edith
Re: Windows7 "Gadgets" disappeared
Dear Webby,
My Windows Gadgets disappeared, and I can't get them
going again. I need my round clock! What's the story?
Edith
Dear Edith
Forget the round clock.
Microsoft has killed most gadgets, and has disabled the
connections needed by third party gadgets. Apparently
the sidebar connections were not authorized by the emperor,
so they have been axed. Some Microsoft pages still tell you
all about gadgets, but one of them says that the gadgets
have been axed for security reasons.
The official response is "Buy a new computer with W8,
it has authorized apps for clocks."
I agree that the task bar clock is too small.
You can hit it, though, and see a round clock.
Don't try to get third party clocks right now.
They may look cute, but they don't work, many of
them are unstable or not recommended for various reasons,
and most of them come with ad ware and hard to get rid
of slave ware like "intext.nav-links". So DON'T !!!
Otherwise you might wind up with a new computer and
W8 cussware sooner than planned.
Just go to the Dollar Store and buy a goofy plastic watch
and hang or glue it beside the monitor. Maybe by the time
the watch battery runs out, we will have safe gadgets again.
W8.1 is still Cuss-Ware, causing bad tempers and foul
language. W8.3 is promised to be less of a user-hostile
dud. Most likely your watch battery will last that long.
The Microsoft CPU / Memory Meter gadget has been axed too.
W7 apparently was not authorized to have that gadget.
"Buy a new computer with W8, it has..."
No thanks, I got work to do.
Some of you probably have not installed Tuesday's Update
yet. That update will murder your gadgets, when you
activate it. You might want to procrastinate a bit with
that,
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Combs
I use old toothbrushes for cleaning combs. Swish around
shampoo in a sinkful of hot water, soak the combs for a
few minutes and brush.
By Michele
font>
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Mac died at the controls of his plane and went to pilots'
hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors.
The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell
rooms."
"I'll be right back--don't go away," said the devil,
and he vanished.
Sneaking over to the first door, Mac peeked in and saw a
cockpit, where the pilot was condemned to forever run
through pre-flight checks.
He slammed that door and peeked into the second. There,
alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to
avoid one emergency after another. Unable to imagine a
worse fate, Mac cautiously opened the third door.
He was amazed to see many beautiful, scantily clad flight
attendants answering to a captain's every whim. He quickly
returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.
"Okay, Mac," said the devil, "Which door will it be, number
1 or number 2?"
"Um, I want door number 3," answered Mac.
"Nope," said the devil. "You can't have door number 3.
That's flight attendants' hell."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they
wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding.
They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy
wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she
started describing the dress she was planning to wear.
One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go
with the dress. Nancy replied, "Silver."
At that point, John chimed in, "Yep silver - -
to match her hair."
Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot,
Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going
barefoot."
Today, Nov 24, in
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria.
They were both 14 years old.
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published
"On the Origin of Species." It was the paper in which
he explained his theory of evolution through the
process of natural selection.
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout
Mountain began in Tennessee.
1871 The National Rifle Association was incorporated
in the U.S.
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a
barbed fencing material.
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an
electric self-starter for an automobile.
1940 After Jewish Anti-Nazi riots, the Nazis closed off
the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland. Over the next three
years the population dropped from 350,000 to 70,000
due to escapes, starvation, disease and deportations
to concentration camps.
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the
Japanese capital of Tokyo was made by land-based
U.S. bombers.
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed
Lee Harvey Oswald live on national television.
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean
bringing an end to the second manned mission to the moon.
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted
from a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with
$200,000 in ransom. He was never caught.
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six
Israeli prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500
Palestinians and Lebanese held by the Israelis.
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian
jetliner. 60 people died in the raid.
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap
short- and medium-range missiles. It was the first
superpower treaty to eliminate an entire class of
nuclear weapons. They were too unpredictable.
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned
after more than a week of protests against its policies.
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141.
1993 The U.S. Congress gave its final approval to the
Brady handgun control bill.
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old)
were convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of
Liverpool, England. They were both sentenced to
"indefinite detention, but have been released."
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a
constitutional amendment legalizing divorce.
1996 Rusty Wallace won the first NASCAR event held in Japan.
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their
purchase of Netscape for $4.21 billion. After that,
they shelved it and used IE. Then they bought Times-Warner,
but were no match for the new York gang, who transferred
some staff and funds to New York, and then dumped AOL.
Click here for a FREE 30 day trial
This is the Mail Washer that we use and have used for 12 years. I have
tested many others, but Mail Washer is still The Best spam control.
The best tool for getting rid of spy-ware and mal-ware.
Still FREE Dear Bubba
All is forgiven. I still love you. Please come back!
Ps. Congratulations on your lottery win!
Your Betty-Sue
Space Weather
Solar storms, Auroras Thesaurus
HungerSite
A free click donates a cup of food to a hungry person.
The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking! BreastCancer
Site
A free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.
Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....
Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.
Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.
If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.
The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.
kamagra 12/15/2011 Hey,I like your blog..I think you plotted most fascinated...Mona 08/08/2010 Do these comments show up?jason Tyler 04/01/2010 I was never a real big fan of earth link. Either way nice...Dentist Pomona 12/14/2009 I liked the snow house picture it looks very nice. I would...roboform 07/10/2009 Dear Webby, No need to install the RoboForm separate xpi...