Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 26



Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Dopey Pennsylvania burglar found 
sleeping in school, with dope.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II 
  had volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal 
  income. She also took her children off the public payroll. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and 
won't change the subject.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

The only people who find what they are looking for in life
are the fault finders.
--- Foster's Law

______________________________________________________

A salesman attending a meeting on the coast was held up when
a severe storm and a flood washed out the local airport. He
wired his office: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions."

His boss wired back: "We'll answer your calls. Your vacation
has been approved to start immediately."

______________________________________________________

Upon retiring from the service, Don, needed a new
ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status.
But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't
at all quiet about it.
"If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he
complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture."

"Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly.
"Then bring us a better face!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture:


Click through for the big picture
Ouachita River in Louisiana

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


John-Paul Sabara, 
35,
Middletown, PA

Dopey burglar found 
sleeping in school, with dope

Police outside Philadelphia say they found a man 
sleeping in a school hallway with a glass smoking 
pipe and a bag of synthetic marijuana marked 
"Scooby Snax."

The Bucks County Courier Times reports police discovered 
John-Paul Sabara inside the Tawanka Learning Center in 
Lower Southampton around 3:20 a.m. Monday after spotting 
a bicycle parked outside the building.

Police say the 35-year-old Middletown man growled, made 
strange sounds and acted aggressively toward officers 
trying to wake him. Police said Sabara also had a 
cellphone, memory cards and children's sneakers.

He was arraigned on charges included criminal 
trespassing and drug possession and jailed in lieu 
of 10 percent of $500,000 bail.

Sabara has previously served time for assault, burglary 
and firearm convictions.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jorge
Re: Audio driver

Hi Dear Webby,
Working a problem with an installation of a Zoiper.com soft 
phone to use on my sonetel.com International phone setup.
Installation program/diagnostics tell me that it is not 
finding my headset (earphones, microphone). I am trying to 
find out why and get this setup working. 

Activated, and ran my old inactive copy of DriverUpdate.net
- got the latest update. Ran it and it tells me that there 
are 16 drivers either out-of-date or missing. Will cost me 
$30 to renew for another year.

Was wondering if you had a favorite driver updater? Would 
rather seek your advice and buy through you than take a 
chance with this unknown. (Also their terms and conditions 
allow them a lot of leeway to bombard me with additional 
offers from them and all their friends/cousins/etc.!)

Checked your list but didn't see any driver-updaters listed....

Am downloading a copy of Audacity to use it to see if my 
audio settings will work for it... test my Win 7 32 bit PC 
with something simpler than Zoiper...

What say you, Sage of Alberta? What would you suggest?

Kindest personal regards,

Jorge


Dear Jorge
That is crooked bullshit.
You can get free drivers from the manufacturer, 
IF you need them,
AND
for headsets you don't need any drivers. They just plug 
into the green socket for the earphones and the pink 
socket for the microphone.

There is no software involved. 
Straight electrical.

If you use a microphone older than you are, and speakers
also older thna you are, they use the same audio drivers
as the most modern headsets from Japan.

Keep in mind, the Tooth fairie did not install new transistors
into your audio amplifier while you were sleeping. There is NO
change there, and the driver, that worked, when you bought 
your computer, still works.

If your sockets are not damaged from throwing stuff onto the 
plugged in plugs, the speakers and the microphone work.
It makes NO difference if you use a separate microphone or a 
mike on a head set. It is just electrical, not soft.

Anybody telling you something different, is a crooked liar.

Tell them to go ......... and to stick their phony driver 
updates where the sun don't shine!

If you are worried your sockets have been damaged, try 
"Echo" on Skype.
It will echo back to you what you have said. 

And yes, Audacity will be a good test too. It shows you 
a graph of the microphone input, and when you play it back, 
if you can't hear it, then your speaker socket is damaged.
(Or the speakers are not powered. They need to be plugged in!)

If the sockets are damaged, then you need to fix or replace
them, and all the software updates in the world are not going 
to help there.

If you are concerned about your audio drivers, get the 
Belarc Advisor from my tool box and see what kind of audio
hardware you got installed. Then check if that company has a 
new driver. If they do, it will be free.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was
going home early because she didn't feel well. 

Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he
wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something
he had given her.

A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not.
She has morning sickness."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Turkey Breasts
If you don't feel up to baking a whole turkey, the turkey 
breasts are a great option. They take much less time to 
thaw, give you lots of good breast meat and even have a 
gravy packet inside to help. If it is the day before 
Thanksgiving, unless you buy a fresh turkey, this may 
be your only option.
Susan from ThriftyFun 

RIP
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Men are good for only one thing! 

Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother
to complain. 

Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all
the time. 

"Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!" 

"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel
park?" 

______________________________________________________

"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced
into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly
what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell
you."

"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds.
Second, you should use about one tenth as
much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist -
the doctor's office is on the next floor...."






Cool Braids




Today in 
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on 
  display in Boston, MA. 
1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to observe 
  the adoption of the Constitution of the United States. 
1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City. 
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car. 
1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially formed 
  in Montreal, Canada. 
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of King 
  Tutankhamen. 
1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to 
  live within a walled ghetto. 
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill 
  establishing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving 
  Day. In 1939 Roosevelt had signed a bill that changed the 
  celebration of Thanksgiving to the third Thursday of November. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered nationwide 
  gasoline rationing to begin December 1. 
1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world premiere 
  at the Hollywood Theater in New York City. 
1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk by a 
  guided missile. The German missile attack led to the death 
  of 1,015 U.S. troops. 
1949 India's Constituent Assembly adopted the country's 
  constitution The country became republic within the British 
  Commonwealth two months later. 
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces to retreat. 
1958 Maurice Richard (Montreal Canadiens) scored his 600th NHL 
  career goal. 
1965 France became the third country to enter space when it launched 
  its first satellite the Diamant-A. 
1973 Rose Mary Woods, told a federal court that she was responsible 
  for the 18-1/2 minute gap in a key Watergate tape. Woods was U.S. 
  President Nixon's personal secretary. 
1975 Lynette"Squeaky" Fromme was found guilty by a federal jury in 
  Sacramento, CA, for trying to assassinate U.S. President Ford 
  on September 5. 
1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to re-admit China 
  after a 21-year absence. 
1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport was 
  robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold bars worth 
  nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the gold has ever been 
  recovered and only two men were convicted in the heist. 
1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were acquired 
  by Random House for $3,000,000. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed by 
  former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National Security 
  Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair. 
1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser 
  Arafat, who was seeking permission to travel to New York 
  to address the U.N. General Assembly. 
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi 
  Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand 
  that Iraq withdraw from Kuwait. 
1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire 
  MCA Inc. for $6.6 billion. 
1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II 
  had volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal 
  income. She also took her children off the public payroll. 
1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the Brooklyn 
  borough of New York City. The clerk inside was fatally burned. 
1997 The U.S. and North Korea held high-level discussions at 
  the State Department for the first time. 
1998 British Prime Minister Tony Blair made a speech to the 
  Irish Parliament. It was a first time event for a 
  British Prime Minister. 
1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro wrestling 
  and would run for president in 2000. 
2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that censured 
  Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning that it would be 
  policed to put to rest suspicions that the country had a 
  weapons agenda. 
2011 The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft launched 
  from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL. The Mars rover 
  Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale Crater on August 6, 2012. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 25

Thank you, Sig!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh man accused of almost running 
down deputy in Kohl's parking lot
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and 
 Germany, was signed. The US started preparing for WWII 
 and Ford started building bombers.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Only the shallow know themselves.
--- Oscar Wilde

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
--- Mark Twain
______________________________________________________

A little Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall for the
first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,
but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move
apart and back together again. The boy asked his father.
"What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded "Son,
I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't
know what it is".

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old
lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and
pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled
between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small
circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse
direction.

The walls opened up again, and a beautiful 24 year-old 
woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young
woman, said quietly "Son, go get your Mother."

______________________________________________________

Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith
went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early
the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's
bedside table that said, "Wake me at six."

An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning
and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his 
bedside table:
"It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Janina for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
Dear Webby,  Thank you for always sharing such good advice 
and humor to bring a smile to so many of us!  Our temps are 
already 65f this morning - I know it's the jolt of warmth
before the predicted Nor'easter comes through with winds, 
rains and snow on Wednesday and Thanksgiving. 

Just sharing a photo I was able to take of this Hawk visiting 
my area this morning.  I heard a commotion of birds shrills 
outside, grabbed my camera and found this in the tree.  
Beautiful creature, don't you agree?!      
Janina from NJ
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Alexander Ruff, 

Viera, Floriduh

Floriduh man accused of almost running 
down deputy in Kohl's parking lot

VIERA, Fla. Authorities in Brevard County are throwing the 
book at a man suspected of trying to run down an officer 

Alexander Ruff was wanted for stealing from a Kohl's 
Department Store in Viera on Monday, but now he's facing 
much more serious charges.

Ruff is charged with aggravated assault on a law 
enforcement officer, fleeing and eluding, reckless 
driving, grand theft and more.

A loss-prevention officer said he spotted Ruff stealing 
and called a deputy. In the parking lot of the store, 
the deputy injured his ankle as he dived away from Ruff's 
fleeing car.

A chase ensued and covered about 14 miles to Cox Road 
in Cocoa.

In court, prosecutors referred to Ruff's arrest record, 
which includes drug possession, credit card fraud, grand 
theft and dealing in stolen property.

"He was originally placed on probation in these two cases 
in April of this year. Within a month he had violated," 
said prosecutor Gary Beatty.

Ruff is being held without bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Leesa
Re: Lost desktop icons

Hi Dear Webby,
Greetings to you this fine morning.  Hope all goes well 
in your world. I am stumped, and hope you can help me 
with this. Over the years the desktop icons and the 
Start Menu links to several games have been deleted. 
The games are still on the computer...see them in there 
when I did a Search...but I haven't a clue how to get 
them set up on the desktop and/or Start Menu so they 
can be played. Can't uninstall them because there is no 
way I could ever get them back. They were downloaded 
after purchase from various companies.  I do have the 
registration codes for most of them. 
Your help would be greatly appreciated.  
Thanks a bunch.

Havin' fun now
Leesa


Dear Leesa
Yeah, Windows does loose desktop icons, 
especially if you change resolutions.

1) Search the games,
2) right-click
3) Make Desktop Shortcut
4) Drag the shortcut to the desktop.

5) Make a desktop folder and call it Games
6) Repeat steps 1,2,3,4
Drag the second icon into the Games folder.

Now, the next time Windows looses it's marbles, 
you can simply CTRL-drag an icon from the 
Games folder onto the desktop.

CTRL-drag will put a copy onto the desktop,
without deleting the one in the Games folder.

Windows will probably complain, that there is 
already one of those, even though it is not visible.
Tell it to go ahead anyway. It may add [2] to the name
of it, but that's OK. It will work just fine.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his
sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant.  "Here, take this broom.
Just point it at the enemy, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang.'"

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible)
recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and
attaches it to the handle end.  "Here, use this ...  just go, 'Stabity
Stab Stab.'"

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom.
Suddenly, an enemy soldier charges at him.  The recruit points the
broom.

"Bangety Bang Bang!" The enemy falls dead.

More enemies appear.  The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes
"Bangety Bang Bang!  Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the
dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one enemy soldier
walking slowly toward him.

"Bangety Bang Bang!  shouts the recruit.  The enemy keeps coming.
"Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail.  He gets
desperate.  "Bangety Bang Bang!  Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.

The enemy keeps coming.  He stomps the recruit into the ground,
mumbling "Tankety Tank Tank."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Litter Box Cover
I have a large Rubbermaid-type storage container covering 
my kitty's litter box in my storage room. She used to kick 
litter all over the place. Now I have much less to sweep up, 
plus it looks much more pleasant for company.
Turn the container upside-down and cut a doghouse-style 
opening in either the broad side or the end. Having the 
opening on the end will make an even more enclosed and 
private litter box. Use either a box cutter or strong shears, 
but be careful the plastic can be very tough.

Once you've cut the opening, lay the lid on the floor. Place 
the box on top of it and snap the inverted container back on 
the lid. It only takes a few dollars and a few minutes to make 
a piece of furniture that is completely washable and will last 
practically forever.

By Abigail A. [3]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife
was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought
he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy
that even the urinals were made of gold."

She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar.

"Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My
husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I
have one question: "Are your urinals covered in gold?"

To which she heard the bartender said,
"Hey, Clarence, I think we found the drunk who peed 
into your tuba!"

______________________________________________________

"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice.
Would you please do my homework for me?"

The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at
least give it a try, couldn't you?"






Cool Braids




Today in 
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be 
 granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian 
 corn. 
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured 
 Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh. 
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated 
 New York. New York was their last military position in 
 the U.S. 
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom. 
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in 
 exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public 
 debts and settle border disputes. 
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk. 
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and 
 Germany, was signed. The US started preparing for WWII.
1947 Movie studio executives meeting in New York agreed to 
 blacklist the "Hollywood 10," who were cited a day earlier 
 and jailed for contempt of Congress when they failed to 
 cooperate with the House Un-American Activities Committee. 
1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in 
 military coup. 
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against 
 the Detroit Lions. 
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a 
 cease-fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese 
 revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had 
 been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security 
 Advisor John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired. 
1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election. 
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into 
 separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1, 1993. 
1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt 
 on his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants 
 near his motorcade. 
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean dictator 
 Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought by Spain, 
 could not claim immunity from prosecution for the crimes he 
 committed during his rule. 
1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first visit 
 to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II. 
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5 billion 
 bailout for Pakistan.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texan Bonehead, who Assaulted Girlfriend in
Hospital Before Biting Security Guard
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their 
 purchase of Netscape for $4.21 billion. They killed and
 shelved Netscape and used Microsoft Internet Explorer
 instead of Netscape. There were no more updates or
 support for Netscape after AOL bought and killed it.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
--- Arthur Miller

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty
loses interest in students.
--- John Ciardi

______________________________________________________

There are three ways to get things done:

1) do it yourself
2) hire someone to do it
3) forbid your kids to do it
______________________________________________________

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing
from the section through which the railroad passed. The
rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of
the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the
rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The
lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher
agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the
check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little
over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate
to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there.
I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep
and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went
through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness
to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller,
I was a little worried about winning that case myself,
because that durned bull came home this morning."
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture:


Click through for the big picture
Kentucky Fall

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Matthew Johnson, 
23
Corpus Christie
Texas

Texan Bonehead Assaulted Girlfriend in
Hospital Before Biting Security Guard

A man in Corpus Christi, Texas, is behind bars after allegedly 
assaulting his girlfriend in a hospital while she was
recovering from giving birth.

The suspect, Matthew Johnson, 23, is also accused of biting a 
security guard who tried to remove him from Christus Spohn 
Hospital South.

The alleged attack happened Tuesday after his 25-year-old 
girlfriend went to the nursery to see her child.

When she returned, Johnson allegedly accused her of 
sleeping with hospital staff members and began punching 
her in the back of the head, according to KIII TV.

Hospital staff and two security guards heard the ruckus 
and tried to remove Johnson from the premises, KZTV 
reports.

The suspect allegedly refused and during an ensuing scuffle, 
police said Johnson bit a 56-year-old security guard on the 
thigh, breaking skin, according to the Corpus Christi Caller 
Times.

Johnson was arrested for family violence assault 
and assault of a security officer, a third-degree felony. 
He was jailed in lieu of $11,000 bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Courtenay
Re: Can't get Actioncat.com cards

Dear Webby!
Hi again.  I used Actioncat many times in the past with 
no problem with my yahoo account.  Tonight I sent on from 
my gmail address to a gmail address and still nothing.  
There is no way to contact the person running the site...
do you think it's more a website issue or still an 
email issue? 

Sent from my iPhone


Dear Courtenay

Meow! For Tester only!
Tester sent you a postcard from Action Cat.
To pick it up, just click on the link below:
http://actioncat.com/platinum/ActionCatcard.cgi?1123233611044532

It works fine for me.
Maybe your phone thinks you are a yahoo,
or maybe you logged onto the net via Yahoo.

Actioncat sends out the card pick-up notices to 
whatever you specified as the recipient address.
Actioncat does not care what you specified.
If there is any censoring, it is at the recipient end.

Some days, when the card sending is hectic, 
it may take up to ten minutes until your card 
pick-up notice arrives, but it WILL arrive, 
unless there is censoring at your end.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










A wealthy executive boarded a New York to Chicago train.
He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want
you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in
Buffalo.  I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get
off in Buffalo."

The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago.  He was
furious.  He found the porter and really gave him an earful
before hustling off to purchase a return ticket.

After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you
stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?"

"That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard
the guy I kicked out in Buffalo!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bagel Slicer for Vegetables
I constantly need to slice veggies like zucchini, eggplant 
and onions thinly for recipes and to dehydrate.
Finally today I realized I could use the bagel slicer I 
received as a gift (and that I use so rarely) for this 
project too and make it more multifunctional!
It held the onion firmly enough to get some great slices 
without any 'slips'!
Just thought it might benefit my friends who may also 
have trouble slicing safely and thinly!
:D
By Donna [168]

Look for a Borner V-Slicer. They are like a "Mandolin",
but the blades are in V formation. With that you can slice
veggies as thin as paper or about 3/16" thick (about the
same as with your bagel slicer). The veggies or fruit are
held by a computer mouse size grip to keep your hands safe,
and you just slide the mouse back and forth in the tray.
Works very fast! You can also cut tomatoes or potatoes
or fruit into into cubes. I have used them since the 
70's. The blades last about 15 years with heavy use.

A paper thin slice of hot, red onion will do wonders for
any hamburger or sandwich, and few people can figure out
why it tastes so fresh and refreshing.

This is not an ad. I just love my V-Slicer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

The mother of a problem child was advised by a 
psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about 
your son. I suggest tranquilizers used regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the 
tranquilizers worked?"

"Yes" the mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

"Who cares?" she replied.

______________________________________________________

Anna gets on an airplane and sits down in the first
class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to
economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket.

Anna replies, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good
job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the
woman to leave and she says, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart,
I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we
reach Jamaica."

The stewardesses don't know what to do because they
have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off,
so they get the co-pilot.

The co-pilot goes up to Anna and whispers in her ear.
She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the
economy section.

The head stewardess asked the co-pilot what he said to
get her to move.

The co-pilot replied, "My wife has the same hair color.
I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going 
to Jamaica".






Amphibious Machines




Today in 
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. They 
 were both 14 years old. 
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published 
 "On the Origin of Species." It was the paper in which he 
 explained his theory of evolution through the process of 
 natural selection. 
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout Mountain 
 began in Tennessee. 
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a barbed 
 fencing material. 
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an electric 
 self-starter for an automobile. 
1940 Nazis closed off the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland
 after they had staged a bloody riot. Over the next three 
 years the population dropped from 350,000 to 70,000 due 
 to starvation, disease and deportations to concentration 
 camps. 
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the Japanese 
 capital of Tokyo was made by land-based U.S. bombers. 
1947 The "Hollywood 10," were cited for contempt of Congress 
 for refusing to answer questions about alleged Communist 
 influence in their industry. 
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed Lee 
 Harvey Oswald live on national television. 
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean bringing 
 an end to the second manned mission to the moon. 
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted 
 from a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with 
 $200,000 in ransom. 
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six 
 Israeli prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500 
 Palestinians and Lebanese held by the Israelis. 
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian 
 jetliner. 60 people died in the raid. 
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap short- 
 and medium-range missiles. It was the first superpower 
 treaty to eliminate an entire class of nuclear weapons. 
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned 
 after more than a week of protests against its policies. 
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141. 
1993 The U.S. Congress gave its final approval to the 
 Brady handgun control bill. 
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old) 
 were convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of 
 Liverpool, England. They were both sentenced to 
 "indefinite detention". and released after five years. 
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a 
 constitutional amendment legalizing divorce. 
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their 
 purchase of Netscape for $4.21 billion. They killed and
 shelved Netscape and used Microsoft Internet Explorer
 instead of Netscape. There were no more updates or
 support for Netscape after AOL bought and killed it.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh drunk who expected service at a Taco Bell
after 3 am, and then grabbed a cop.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, 
 at the Palais Royale Saloon.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle.
--- Ken Hakuta

We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, 
because as a nation we don't dress well 
and we've no manners.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
______________________________________________________

Kyle and Justin were sitting down to eat their supper
with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle
saw the baby sitter sit down in his daddy's seat.

"You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly.
"Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone,
I can sit here. Today I'm the boss."

Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up,
"If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's 
chair!"
______________________________________________________

Harold the Computer Guy

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer
guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the
problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but I nonetheless inquired, 
"An ID ten T Error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote it down.

I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture:


Click through for the big picture
KansasS600 Fall
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Gabriel Harris,
33
New Smyrna Beach,
Floriduh

Floriduh drunk who expected 
service at a Taco Bell after 3 am, 
and then grabbed a cop.

A drunken New Smyrna Beach bicyclist whose drive-through 
order at Taco Bell was rejected because he was too late 
and because he wasn't in a car, refused to leave the 
restaurant area and  then tussled with police, according 
to an arrest report.

Gabriel Harris, 33, was charged with resisting an officer 
with violence in the late-night incident and was out of 
the Volusia County Branch Jail on $1,000 bail, records show.

According to the report, Taco Bell workers called police 
at 3:10 a.m. Sunday after Harris and a woman, both 
intoxicated, would not leave the restaurant area at 
1860 State Road 44 in New Smyrna Beach.

Police found Harris on a bicycle by the menu speaker, a 
report states.

Aron Tobler, the employee, said he refused service to 
Harris and Sarah Haliburton because “they placed an order 
on bicycles” in the drive through window, the report 
states. Orders have to be placed at the menu speaker,
not at the pick-up window,   and before closing time.
Haliburton was not charged.

Police said Harris got to the restaurant after it closed 
at 3 a.m.

As police were asking Harris to leave, they spotted a red 
Swiss Army knife on Harris' belt loop and tried to reach 
for it. Harris grabbed the officer's wrist and Harris was 
promptly wrestled to the ground and handcuffed. Harris 
suffered a scraped forehead from that, police said.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Cherie
Re: McAfee remover

Dear Webby!
Dear Webby,
I hve noticed that on your website you have a link to get rid of Norton....
do you have one to get rid of Mcafee Security Center???
Cherie


Dear Cherie
Unlike Norton, McAfee can be cleanly UNinstalled from the
Control Panel, Add/Remove Programs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










>From Ben
A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed
in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English
so that I could at least get around. But I found that many
people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket
inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted
cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just
nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.

When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the
compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German.

"No," I confessed.

"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid
when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in
the wrong direction, and that there was no scheduled stop
for another hour."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Litter Box Tending Easier
Get 4 or 5 litter boxes of the same size. Fill each one 
with a few inches of litter, or however much you use. 
Stack one on top of another. My cat can jump into the 
top box. When it's time to change the litter just remove 
the top most box. I use inexpensive plastic "busing" 
tubs that I get from a webrestaurant supply store. 
They are 7 inches high, less than four dollars each 
and stack-able. If you put enough litter in each box 
and dispose of it before any moisture gets to the 
bottom of pan, you can just pour the used litter out 
and the bottom of the pan will be clean. I use wood 
stove pellets for litter.
By jean99 [5]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little
five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite.
Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him
sobbing.

"What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father.

Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said 
he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home,
but I want to stay with you guys instead!"
______________________________________________________

A teacher announced that to practice spelling, each
member of the class would say what their father did
for a living an then spell the occupation.  A girl named
Mary went first.  "My dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if
he were here, he would give each of us a cookie."

Next came Tommy.  "My dad is a banker,b-a-n-k-e-r,
and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter."

Third came Jimmy.  "My dad is an electrician.  But after
struggling through a number of attempts to spell the
word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for
a moment while she called on someone else.  She then
turned to little Johnny.

"My dad is a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said.  "And if
he were here, he'd lay you 8-to-5 that Jimmy ain't never
gonna spell electrician!"






Amphibious Machines




Today in 
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act. 
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing 
 machine. 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, 
 at the Palais Royale Saloon. 
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands 
 at the age of 10 when her father William III died. 
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of 
 Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central 
 Pacific offensive in the Gilbert Islands. 
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended. 
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens. 
1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital 
 from Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo. 
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United 
 Nations Security Council. 
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life 
 imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten. 
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were killed 
 in a series of earthquakes. 
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West 
 Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International 
 Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva. 
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested 
 and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a 
 year after his conviction. 
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from Athens 
 to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta. 
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League 
 (NHL) goal. 
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she 
 had witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two 
 other people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in 
 El Salvador, was flown to the U.S. 
1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were 
 killed in a stampede after Indian police baton-charged 
 tribal protesters in the western city of Nagpur.
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen 
 Electra. The two had been married on November 14, 1998. 
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil 
 settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve 
 remaining state claims for treating sick smokers. 
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's 
 effort to block pornography on library computer calling 
 the attempt unconstitutional. 
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NJ woman fighting crosswalk ticket, 
saying she was scared of the padded duck.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in 
 a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









A writer is a person for whom writing is more 
difficult than it is for other people.
--- Thomas Mann (1875 - 1955)

The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over 
intelligence.  The second marriage is the triumph of hope 
over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of 
stupidity.
-- Lydia (on my 4th) 
______________________________________________________

One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's   
Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests   
near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made   
some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about   
the conditions we might run into, we drove on.   

Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain   
Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles   
farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one   
was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile.   

We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery,   
and it read: "Ice 75 cents."  

______________________________________________________

>From Laura
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite   
friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who   
had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed,   
with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship   
might be a possibility between us.   

"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.   

"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age   
difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He   
looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone   
who's 104?'"   

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture:


Click through for the big picture
Indiana Fall
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Karen Haigh
River Edge, Fort Lee
NJ

Woman fighting crosswalk ticket, 
saying she was scared of the padded duck.



Police in New Jersey used an undercover cop dressed in a 
Donald Duck costume to bust dozens of drivers for failing 
to yield to a pedestrian on Halloween.

There are new traffic problems in Fort Lee — motorists who 
don’t yield to Donald Duck.

Police in the New Jersey town used an undercover officer, 
dressed in a Donald Duck costume, to bust dozens of drivers 
for failing to yield to a pedestrian on Halloween.

The costumed cop was hard to miss — the costume made the 
officers wearing it seem like they were 6-foot-4. Whenever 
Donald Duck stepped into a crosswalk and a motorist did 
not stop, uniformed cops pulled them over down the road 
and gave them a moving violation carrying a $230 fine, 
ABC News reported. Plus 2 points on their license.

The cop was well padded in the high visibility duck costume
to reduce injuries, when drivers did not stop, and was more 
than obvious enough, so that nobody could claim, they did 
not see him.

One bimbo complained, that she was scared of the big duck!

“They told me I was getting a ticket for not stopping for 
a duck,” motorist Karen Haigh told the TV station. “But 
it scared me. I’m a woman. This huge duck scared me.” 

Let's hope she will be charged with attempted murder!

They need a cop dressed as a granny or grampa,
and swinging a lead pipe to take out those expensive 
headlights, to mark the perps. Then painted fishlips 
won't have an excuse.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Chrome Update

Dear Webby!
Dear Webby,
Need you help once again.  This morning McAfee advised of 
updates and one of those was for Chrome.  The Chrome 
update needed to be accomplished directly from Chrome.
I've attempted to download but once it shows the completion 
of the download it goes to the page screen printed below 
and I do not know what to do next.  
Chrome's site is not much help.
Hence, I defer to you.
Frank


Dear Frank
I use the "Downloads Button" from 
http://singleclickapps.com/downloads-app/
It shows in the left lower corner what has been downloaded.
So I hit that and get the request to RUN the update.

Without that button, you have to find where the update 
got saved to.
In my case, that is in
E:\Tools\Chrome
but only you know where you saved it to on your machine.
If you can't find it easily, just download it again, 
and this time park it in an easy to find spot.

You might want to start some organization, like I do with 
E:\Tools\Chrome
E:\Tools\FireFox
E:\Tools\McAfee
E:\Tools\RoboForm
etc., 
and always save stuff where it belongs.
Makes life a lot easier than having to search for it.

You CAN search for "ChromeSetup.exe" or "ChromeSetup", 
and double-click that, when you find it.

That will work too.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










Wilbur got a job on the railways as a steward.  For the
first day he accompanied another steward to learn the
ropes.  "It's very simple," said his tutor, "Just use diplomacy."

"What's diplomacy?" asked Wilbur.

"Watch me I'll show you".  Off they went down the train
corridor, rattling compartment doors, opening them with
special keys and offering tea or coffee.  When the tutor
steward flung open one door he was confronted with a
buck naked woman.  Without batting an eyelid he
asked "Tea or coffee, sir?"

The surprised woman took the cup of tea and he shut
the door.

"Wow, did you see that cutie!" Wilbur said excitedly.
"She had no clothes on.  But hey, why did you call her sir?"

"That's diplomacy!  I did not want to embarrass her".

Wilbur was most impressed with his teacher.

The next day, on his own now, he flung open a door to a
compartment and found a couple making love on the bed.
"Tea or coffee, sir?"

"Tea" the man replied.

"And for your brother?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Your Own Funnel
Need a funnel in a pinch? Cut off the bottom of a 2 liter 
or 1/2 liter bottle. This works great, and only costs 10 
cents (which is the deposit price in Michigan). You can 
make it as tall or short as you want.
By melmarr from Michigan
Gallon jugs with the nice and 
convenient handle work very well too, especially for making
a funnel to top off the motor oil or windshield washer 
fluid. Put the funnel, that you use for motor oil, into
an empty shopping bag, so that it does not attract dust.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dave for ths story:
The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject
of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers
would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were
concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge
when you should feed them because they were always grazing.

A veteran parent of six children told us of his method for
judging the true hunger of teenagers.

"I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if
they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were
hungry enough to be fed."

______________________________________________________

Co-workers sympathized as Ellie complained that 
her back was really sore from moving furniture. 
"Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone 
asked. 

"I could," Ellie told the group," but the couch is easier 
to move when he's not on it."






Amphibious Machines




Today in 
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland 
 for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire. 
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was 
 killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. 
 British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed 
 him. He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times. 
1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated 
 in New Jersey. 
1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood 
 shafts in golf clubs. 
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed 
 publicly. 
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, 
 CA, when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for 
 Manila. The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail. 
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister 
 Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek met in 
 Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan. 
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in 
 a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American 
 travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963. 
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of 
 Gen. Francisco Franco. 
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid 
 $4 million for the broadcast rights. 
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between 
 New York and Europe. 
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S. 
 nuclear missiles in West Germany. 
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. 
 It was the largest swearing-in ceremony. 
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential 
 area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians. 
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world 
 heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old. 
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less 
 than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded 
 next to his motorcade in West Beirut. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and his wife, Barbara
 shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia. 
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American 
 Free Trade Agreement. 
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a 
 gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and 
 the gunman were killed in the gun battle. 
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire 
 in response to a retaliatory air strikes by NATO. 
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving 
 lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient. 
 Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for 
 second-degree murder. 
2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female chancellor. 
2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The dinosaur 
 skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern Utah. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman charged with child abuse 
after mixing in at a girl fight
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1980 An estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to find out 
 "who shot J.R." on the CBS prime-time soap opera Dallas. 
 Kristin was the character that fired the gun.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife 
I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)   

______________________________________________________

A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new
Hemingway Hall.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway."

"Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway.
No relation."

"Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"

"Yes, indeed. He wrote a check."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Husband:  When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
How do you control your anger?

Wife:  I clean the toilet.

Husband:  How does that help?

Wife:  I use your toothbrush.
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dawn for sending this picture:


Click through for the big picture
Sawtooth Mountains, Idaho
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Patria Delois Holman, 
39, 
Fort Walton Beach, 
Floriduh

Woman charged with child abuse 
after mixing in at a girl fight

FORT WALTON BEACH - A 39-year-old Fort Walton Beach woman 
is charged with participating in a fight between teenage 
girls in front of a drug store.

Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies were called for a large 
crowd of juveniles fighting in the parking lot of CVS, 
according to the arrest report.

One of the participants said she and her cousins were at 
McDonalds when another woman and her daughters pulled up 
at CVS. An argument started in the parking lot, after 
which a fight broke out, the report said. One of the 
youths said she heard Patria Delois Holman screaming, 
“send her to the hospital,” encouraging one of the girls 
to continue striking another.

While one of the girls was “on the ground,” Holman 
“kicked (the victim) in the face and in the stomach,” 
according to the report. A witness reported seeing Holman 
kick the girl and yell encouragement at another girl.

Holman said she went to the Beal Parkway pharmacy to pick 
up medicine when a group of girls began taunting a relative, 
the report said. Holman told deputies that she was just 
“a mother” who didn’t want to see a child hurt and that 
the “situation is terrible.”

She denied striking anyone, according to the report. 
The girl had injuries to her face, arm and leg.

Holman is charged with child abuse without great bodily 
harm and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Her next scheduled court date is Dec. 16.

Most courts frown upon anyone mixing into a fight in
progress and participating. It will be interesting to see
what the results will be.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Patti
Re: No pictures in gmail

Dear Webby!
Dear Webby,
I just switched from corecomm webmail to Gmail. Only problem,
the graphics don't come through.Only the semaphone flag as
shown above.
 having fun,
Patti


Dear Patti
The pictures DO come through, it's just that you have them turned
off in the quickie-preview.

The Web page on-line Quickie preview in gmail is just that,
a preview, to sneak a peek at your mail at the cyber cafe at
lunch or while away from your main machine. Once back at
work or at home, wherever your main machine is, you haul
your mail down with Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, whatever.

To speed things up at the cybercafe, the sneak preview has
the pictures turned off by default. You CAN turn them on easily
enough after a bit of hunting around in the options.

They change the ways for turning the pictures on quite often,
but usually you can get at that by right-clicking the icon
for the hidden pictures.

Gmail is an excellent program, and it is great at what it does,
but it is not intended to be the final sorting and filing program.
Eudora, Thunderbird, Outlook, whatever, do that.

If you don't bother sorting mail into different boxes and just want
to use Gmail as your one and only mail program, spend half an
hour customizing it to your liking, and turn the pictures on at the
same time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, 
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked, 
"How is that gonna help?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Double Up Flat Pillows
Pillows, we all know, are costly but here is a tip to to 
stretch dollars for those buying new pillows. What I do 
when they go flat is to put two flat pillows in my pillow 
shams to have a nice plump sham. I even will use two in 
regular pillow covers for a nice big pillow, made out of 
two tired old flat ones.
By Leigh H. [1]

You can plump up flat pillows by putting a squirt of hair
conditioner into the final rinse when washing them. Then 
dry them with a tennis ball in the dryer, or on the line,
when the moon goes over high up, not near the horizon.
It makes no difference how much of the moon you see, just
where it goes over, high or low.

That makes a huge difference with feather pillows, but is
quite noticeable too with shredded foam pillows.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

>From Robert
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had
died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry
to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife
to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our
second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use
it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her
that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it
needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.

She said "fine!" hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view
mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I suddenly realized
that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions...

______________________________________________________

It has been proven that Adam was a Mennonite.

Only a Mennonite man could stand in front of a naked
woman and be tempted by an apple.







Pictures of different types of eggs




Today in 
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship 
 discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on Dec 26, 1620. 
1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air balloon. 
 The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois Laurent, 
 Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5½ miles over Paris. 
1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter. 
1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his phonograph.
1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art exhibit. 
1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened. 
1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced that 
 "Piltdown Man" was a hoax. 
1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine measures 
 against Cuba. 
1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by 
 a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans. 
1980 An estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to find out 
 "who shot J.R." on the CBS prime-time soap opera Dallas. 
 Kristin was the character that fired the gun.
1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino 
 in Las Vegas, NV. 
1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay 
 Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for Israel. 
 He was later sentenced to life in prison. 
1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in Oakdale, 
 LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took hostages. 
1989 The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons were 
 televised live for the first time. 
1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused 
 to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual 
 advances toward 10 women in past years. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives voted against making the 
 District of Columbia the 51st state. 
1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia 
 that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian 
 "safe area" of Bihac. 
1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast 
 at a test site in the South Pacific. 
1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned 
 space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight. 
2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to 
 keep the presidential recounts going. 
2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, 
 software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the 
 poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part 
 of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust 
 lawsuits. 
2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania, 
Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 20

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Nazis in Germany, that were 
tricked into marching and fund raising for Anti-Nazis.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince 
 Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC. Since
 Princess Diana was the darling of British media, Charles 
 was blamed for that.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.
--- Donald H. Rumsfeld (1932 - )

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Connie for this story:
My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple
of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his
buddy, though.
"Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three
times, stay where we are, and someone will find us."

They shot in the air three times, but no one came.
After a while, they tried it again.
Still no response.

When they decided to try once more, Bubba said,
"It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows."

______________________________________________________

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean
as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Yes, they do, brave oyster wrestler!"

______________________________________________________

GROAN ALERT
One day in the forest, three animals were discussing
who among them was the most powerful.

"I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop
down swiftly at my prey."

"That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only
fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws."

"I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because
with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you."

Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the
forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . .
hawk, lion, and stinker.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for sending this picture:


Click through for the big picture
Japanese Maple

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


NeoNazis in Germany

Neo-Nazis tricked into 
marching and Fundraising for Anti-Nazis

Neo-Nazis were tricked into raising money for an 
Anti-Nazi charity through their annual march in 
a small town in Germany.

Neo-Nazis were tricked into raising money for an anti-Nazi 
charity through their annual march in a small town in Germany.

Supporters of Hitler's Third Reich march through Wunsiedel - 
the burial site of Rudolf Hess - every November to mark 
National Heroes' Remembrance Day.

But this year, campaign group Right against Right convinced 
residents to donate 10 euro to a charity that helps people 
leave extremist groups for each metre the neo-Nazis marched.

Villagers even put up motivational signs along the route, 
and showered the neo-Nazis with confetti when they finished.

And they set up a stall providing snacks for the walkers 
under the banner 'Mein Mampf' - which translates as 'My Fight'.

"It was an absolute success," Inge Schuster, spokesman for 
the mayor of Wunsiedel, told The Local online newspaper.

"It created something positive out of the march, including 
the 10,000 euro donation for EXIT-Deutschland."

A Right Against Right spokesman said residents were sick of 
the sight of Neo-Nazis walking through their community 
each year.

"We could not stop them - but we could make them walk for 
something meaningful: and that is how for the first time 
a right-wing memorial march became a charity walk - 
without the participants knowing," he said.

The Neo-Nazis, who fight against illegal Muslim immigrants,
thought "Exit Deutschland" was about getting illegal 
Muslim immigrants out, not getting nazis out.

"For every metre they walked, 10 euros went to 
EXIT-Deutschland - a Nazi opt-out programme. The result: 
10,000 euros and lots of surprised right-wing extremists."
Details and pictures


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: --
Re: No question

Dear Webby!
Dear webby , 
no question
--


Dear --
No answer

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










>From Bonnie
It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me   
flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy   
Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled   
with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read   
"Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2." 


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Household Cleaner
This is the best all-purpose household cleaner I know of. 
I make a batch and put it in an old spray bottle that once 
held a commercial cleaner. I keep the extra in an old 
gallon sized vinegar bottle.

Ingredients
1 gallon water
1 cup ammonia (not the sudsy kind)
1 cup white vinegar
1 cup washing soda
Directions
Mix the ingredients until dissolved. You may want to 
test it on painted surfaces before using. I've never had 
it fade any paint, but you never know.

By Copasetic 1 from North Royalton, OH

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the 
secret I told you not to tell her."

"Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone", I told her not to tell you 
I told her."

"Oh dear!" sighed Jill.  "Well, don't tell her I told you that 
she told me".
  
______________________________________________________

We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother   
had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier   
over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a   
spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look   
up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too   
tired to clean!"   

"Don't look where?" my brother asked.   

"There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!"   






FoxTail Lily




Today in 
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent 
 of Spain. 
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and 
 Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary. 
1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for 
 construction of the Panama Canal by the U.S. 
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out 
 in Mexico. 
1929 The radio program "The Rise of the Goldbergs," later 
 known as "The Goldbergs," made its debut on the NBC Blue 
 Network. 
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing 
 on Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands. 
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war 
 crimes tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany. 
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, 
 Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey. 
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark 
 and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association. 
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed 
 its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its 
 blockade of the island. 
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in 
 Washington, DC, went past 200 million. 
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential 
 use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the 
 substance. 
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab 
 leader to address Israel's parliament. 
1987 Police investigating the fire at King's Cross, London's 
 busiest subway station, said that arson was unlikely to be 
 the cause of the event that took 31 lives. 
1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the 
 Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council. 
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, 
 Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms. 
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops 
 into the country of Kuwait. 
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor 
 Castle in England. 
1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation 
 implementing NAFTA. 
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in 
 Zambia to end 19 years of war. 
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince 
 Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC. Since
 Princess Diana was the darling of british media, Charles 
 was blamed for that.
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden 
 safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of 
 orchestrating two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later 
 terrorist attacks on New York City and the Pentagon. 
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of 
 health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry 
 also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes. 
2001 The U.S. Justice Department headquarters building was 
 renamed the Robert F. Kennedy building by President 
 George W. Bush. The event was held on what would have been 
 Kennedy's 76th birthday.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 19


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida dope for backing into opposing taffic and 
almost ramming a deputy.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service 
 on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Television has raised writing to a new low.
--- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) 

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere,
may be happy.
--- H. L. Mencken

______________________________________________________

Three convicts were on the way to prison.
They were each allowed to take one item with them to
help them occupy their time while stuck behind bars.

On the bus, one convict turned to another and said,
"So, what did you bring?"

The second convict pulled out a box of paints and
stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He
wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail".

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and
grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker,
solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to
himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are
you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I
brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do
with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well
according to the box, I can go horseback riding,
swimming, roller-skating..."

______________________________________________________

**Diary Of A Regular Joe**
For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week
of private lessons at the local health club.


Though still in great shape from when I was on the
varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a
good idea to go ahead and try it.


I called and made reservations with someone named
Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and athletic clothing model.


My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was
to get started.


They suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my
progress:


Day 1.
Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but
worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya
was waiting for me.
She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a
dazzling white smile.

She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five
minutes on the treadmill.
She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I
think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers
added about ten points.

Enjoyed watching the aerobics class.
Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though
my gut was already aching a little from holding it in
the whole time I was talking to her.

This is going to be GREAT!

Day 2.
Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but
I made it.
Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron
bar up into the air.
Then, she put weights on it, for heaven's sake!
Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
it the full mile.

Her smile made it all worth while.

Muscles ALL feel GREAT.

Day 3.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the
tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and
forth over it.
I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both
pectorals.

Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer.
I parked on top of a Volkswagen.

Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my
screaming was bothering the other club members.
The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster.

Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by the invention of
elevators?

Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live
longer.
I can't imagine anything worse.

Day 4.
Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a
full snarl.
I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me
that long just to tie my shoes.
She wanted me to lift dumbbells.

Not a chance, Tanya.
The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason.
I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for
me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine...
It sank.

Day 5.
I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated
any other human being in the history of the world.
If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I
would hit her with it.

She thought it would be a good idea to work on my
triceps. Well I have news for you Tanya - I don't HAVE triceps.
And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me
any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the
damage.
YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame.

The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher,
which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been
someone softer, like a music teacher, or social
studies?

Day 6.
Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering
where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched
eleven straight hours of the weather channel.

Day 7.
Well, that's the week.
Thank goodness that's over.

Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little
more fun, like a gift certificate for a root canal.

______________________________________________________

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,

"Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

And why not?"

"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
 
Gapstow Bridge, New York, USA
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Kyndric Wilson, 23, Mary Esther, Floriduh

Driver nearly collided with deputy; 
jailed on drug charges

A 23-year-old Mary Esther man was arrested on drug charges 
after allegedly backing up against traffic, nearly colliding 
with a deputy.

The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputy was doing traffic 
enforcement on Hickory Street in Niceville on Nov. 8, 
according to the arrest report. He saw a vehicle driven 
by Kyndric Dallas Wilson backing up “in the opposite 
direction of traffic onto Range Road,” requiring the 
deputy to brake to prevent a collision.

The deputy pulled Wilson over, and smelled marijuana 
coming from inside the vehicle, the report said. When 
asked about the marijuana, Wilson pulled out a small 
bud from the door and a glass jar with 23.5 grams of 
marijuana from the back seat.

Wilson was arrested and a search found five rocks of 
crack cocaine in the vehicle, according to the report.

He is charged with possession of cocaine and possession 
of more than 20 grams of marijuana.

His next scheduled court date is Dec. 16.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Richb70
Re: Yahoo malfunction

Dear Webby!
Dear webby , 
not to be a bother but I'm having trouble receiving my 
emails from other groups, I looked thru my yahoo addy and 
it says my account has been suspended? And I don't know 
why or how, I've talked to comcast about it and they said I 
needed to reset my pw but that doesn't seem to work and I 
have no idea what to do, any ideas or thots you can give? 
I would appreciated it. Even tho I reset my pw its still 
telling me that my acct is still suspened , this is the 
first time this has ever happened and I don't know what 
or why its doing it.. 
Tyvm  I still receive reg emails not group emails, I find 
it kind or weird that this is just started happening
Richb


Dear Richb70
That is normal and to be expected from Yahoo.
They do that to all the yahoos every now and then, for no 
apparent reason. Just routine Yahoo malfunction.

You can try screeching a temper tantrum at Yahoo support, 
sometimes that  helps.

I am a member of the "Freecycle" group, a clean and well 
behaved group with a very low volume of mail, but half the 
time it does not work either. Since the group organizers 
refuse to move away from Yahoo, there is nothing anybody 
can do about it. Except laugh at the thilly yahoos.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










>From Edsel
Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning   
routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had   
time to stop for a take-out coffee.   

I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had   
not only left it running but had locked it!   

The day was going from bad to worse.   

I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to   
the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom.   

I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back   
door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the   
clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..."   

"I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can   
unlock my van with a broom."   

"No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on   
inside out."   


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remedies for Athlete's Foot
To treat fungus on feet, soak feet in white vinegar for 
at least 20 minutes each time. Continue three days in a 
row and the fungus should be done.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CORemedies for Athlete's Foot
Rubbing the feet, especially 
between toes and on toenails with freshly cut potato
pieces 2 - 3 times a day is also said to be effective,
if you don't have any vinegar in the house.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

>From Barb
I know my company has made a big effort to be family   
friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an-   
nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees   
are invited to the annual Christmas party. All children   
under the age of ten will receive a gift from Santa.   

Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren."   

______________________________________________________

Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58
years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for
companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied
what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a
park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked
graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you."

The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking
white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently
to give him room to sit down.

For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They
discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same
big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had long happy
marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed
about almost everything.

Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma' am,
may I ask you two questions?"

With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!"

The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it
out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and
looked her softly in the eyes.

"Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we
have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. 
Will you marry me and be my wife?"

Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! 
You have made me so very happy!"

She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, 
"You said you had two questions to ask me. 
What is the second question?"

Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"






FoxTail Lily




Today in 
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It 
 resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 
1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued. 
 Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in 
 Madison, NJ. 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address 
 as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil 
 War battlefield in Pennsylvania. 
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in 
 the Sunday New York World. 
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. 
 Blaisdell. 
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with 
 a vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority 
 was needed for ratification. 
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the 
 first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito. 
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their 
 winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front. 
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service 
 on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production 
 of the unpopular Edsel. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made 
 man's second landing on the moon. 
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria. 
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab 
 leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit. 
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil. 
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel 
 Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia. 
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey. 
 It was only the second known case where all seven were born 
 alive. 
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began. 
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard" 
 sold at auction for more than $71 million. 
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank 
 off northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons 
 of fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed 
 about 150 miles out to sea. 
2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security 
 at 424 airports nationwide. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 18


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Balloon-wielding man busted after rampage 
at Fort Pierce auto dealer
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... 
Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, 
except themselves.
--- Robert Anton Wilson

______________________________________________________

An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on
her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight
was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her
because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a
plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly.

She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet
from her front porch.

When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were
talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and
asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?"

Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a
thing."

"Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, 
ran toward the tree, 
and collided with a cow.

______________________________________________________

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, 
I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. 
"Is that your grandmother?" I asked. 

"Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." 

"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" 

"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go
out there and get her." 

______________________________________________________

Marge was telling her friend Grace how she
gets her son out of bed in the morning.

"I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. 

He sleeps with his dog."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
 
Tearoom in Llanrwst, North Wales

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


James Touchstone, 48, Fort Pierce, Florida

Balloon-wielding man 
busted after rampage at Fort 
Pierce auto dealer

A man accused of running around a car dealership with balloons 
after downing a bottle of booze and possibly chasing people 
with a machete was arrested, according to statements in a 
recently released arrest affidavit.

The case against James Touchstone, 48, began about 5:45 p.m. 
as a St. Lucie County Sheriff’s deputy went to the listed 
address of a Kia dealership on South U.S. 1 to help with an 
impaired driver, the affidavit states.

The deputy spotted a Kia Sorrento with a damaged fender in 
the parking lot. The doors were open and an empty bottle of 
Seagram’s gin was on the floorboard.

Touchstone, who smelled of booze, was in custody outside 
another deputy’s vehicle “yelling profanities and attempting 
to flee,” the affidavit states.

Touchstone yelled that he’d imbibed “a bottle of alcohol 
but has been off crack for three years,” the affidavit 
states.

Meanwhile, witnesses said Touchstone pulled in the parking 
lot and started cursing and throwing things at customers 
and staff members.

“He then ran across the street to (another) dealership, 
grabbed some balloons, returned and started to run around 
the parking lot with the balloons in hand while yelling at 
anyone he came in contact with,” the affidavit states.

After Touchstone, listed as a “violent felony offender of 
special concern,” was put in the back of a patrol car, he 
kicked out the rear passenger window.

A passenger in Touchstone’s vehicle told investigators that 
Touchstone hit a light pole in a parking lot in the area of 
Avenue M and North 13th Street. That person also said 
Touchstone got a machete and chased people at a gas station.

Touchstone, of Wilton Manors, was arrested on charges 
including criminal mischief, DUI, driving while license 
suspended, habitual offender and resist officer without much
violence.
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Dianne
Re: Get rid of static

Dear Webby!
DearWebby
tell ur readers that if they ad a table spoon to their 
water bucker or whatever they use to mop floors, to ad 
some liquid fabric softner to prevent shocks.
Dianne


Dear Dianne
That is an  easy enough remedy and well worth trying,
if somebody gets shocks.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










The physics professor, checking to see how many people had
actually read the assignment, asked 
"What are the two types of light?"

The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from the back of the room,
"Uhhh, Bud and Coors?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tip: Use Scrubbing Bubbles for Hard Water Spots
My husband read so many solutions on removing hard water 
spots on windows, but nothing ever worked for him. The 
windshield on our motor home was so stained from the water 
that would run down it, that we tried everything on the 
market just like so many others. We bought so many products 
from acid wash, scrub with SOS, to Comet.
I always use Scrubbing Bubbles for everything in my house. 
I told my husband for so long to try Scrubbing Bubbles but 
he always told me, "No that isn't going to work", until 
one day when he was frantic, he did try Scrubbing Bubbles 
along with extra fine steel wool. He couldn't believe his 
eyes. The glass is crystal clear and just like new. Now 
he won't use anything else just like I won't use any other 
product except for Scrubbing Bubbles inside.
So every one who is at their worst with hard water spots 
please use this product. It really does work. I know this 
sounds like a infomercial, just try for yourself.
Scrubbing Bubbles Fan!

By Peewee the Cat and Family from San Bernardino

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A man was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the
newspaper during breakfast.  He came across an article about
a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player,
who was known primarily for his lack of brains and common
sense.  

He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face 
and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the 
most attractive wives"

His wife said, "Why, thank you, dear!"

______________________________________________________

After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats,
a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells
your fortune and weight.  He dropped in a coin and eagerly
read the results.

"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small,
white card.  "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful
and an absolutely fantastic lover."

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too.
Looks like you picked up the card from the previous user."







Whitewater Adrenaline Rush: Extreme Kayaking




Today in 
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 
1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to sight 
 the continent of Antarctica. 
1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog 
 of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the 
 New York "Saturday Press." 
1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 
1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal. 
1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force 
 in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. 
 The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 
1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon 
 premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," 
 starring Mickey Mouse. 
1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of 
 Francisco Franco. 
1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against 
 eating meat on Fridays. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon. 
1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 
1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium 
 for use in nuclear weapons. 
1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record 
 division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation provided 
 the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate 
 in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion 
 facilities, staff and patients. 
1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties 
 approved a new constitution. 
1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates 
 Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion.
2014  smiled.

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Keyboard in the dishwasher 

Monday, November 17, 2014, 12:43 PM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Nonday, November 17


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Robber pretends to be 
witness after pizza heist
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own 
children have teenagers of their own.
--- Doug Larson   

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.
--- Senator Patrick Leahy

______________________________________________________

Elementary Science
Some of these are too good to ignore.

*Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. 
But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

*We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. 
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget 
to put the top on.

*Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. 
And around. There is not much else to do up there.

*Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big 
enough to be called a drop, it does.

*Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

*In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

*A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

*A monsoon is a French gentleman.

*Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

*It is so hot in some places that the people there have 
to live in other places.

*The wind is like the air, only pushier.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
The woman applying for the job in a Florida lemon grove
seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look miss," said the foreman. "Do you have any experience
in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.
"I've been divorced three times."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Vicky for this story:
A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner
on his first day of kindergarten.

"Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself
and think about your Mother, tataleh!"

"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"

At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs
to her son on and hugs him.

"So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day
of school?"

The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
 
Rosy Maple Moth

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Joseph Wantz
26
West Boca, 
Floriduh
Robber pretends to be 
witness after pizza heist

Pizza delivery man robbed at gunpoint in West Boca
West Boca man accused of robbing a pizza delivery man tried 
to come forward as a witness and accused his cousin of being 
the robber, according to a Palm Beach County sheriff's 
arrest report.

Joseph Wantz, 26, faces charges of robbery and aggravated 
assault with a firearm after the robbery on Tuesday.

The Pizza Hut delivery man of two years said he went to a 
home in the 11000 block of Watergate Circle on 10:30 p.m. 
after getting an order for $107 worth of pizza, bread 
sticks and soda.

The caller said the food was for a party and then another 
phone call from another number had a woman asking the 
driver to bring cash for change, according to the report.

But when the driver got there, he told a deputy he grew 
suspicious when he saw no cluster of cars for a party. 
That's when Wantz put a gun to the delivery man's head 
and demanded all the money and food before walking away, 
according to the report.

A deputy said he learned two people had stepped forward as 
witnesses. One of them was Wantz, who told the deputies he 
saw the robbery and that his cousin did it, according to 
the report.

As deputies, they got a call on Wednesday about a disturbance 
between Wantz and another man at a residence. Inside the 
home, deputies said they saw two empty pizza boxes in the 
trash.

After the delivery man identified Wantz in a photo lineup as 
the robber, investigators questioned a friend of Wantz's. 
She said Wantz came up to her at about 1 a.m. Wednesday 
and showed her a gun and told her he did a "lick," or 
robbery.

Deputies said the gun later was found to be a BB gun.
When deputies questioned Wantz, he implicated his cousin 
in the robbery, the report said. He said his cousin 
looked similar to him. He went on to say he wasn't 
"the only one going down for this," according to the 
report.

Wantz was booked into Palm Beach County Jail, where he 
is held without bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Vince
Re: Keyboard in the dishwasher

Dear Webby!
My wife put my fashionably dirty keyboard into the dishwasher.
It looks great now, but is it safe to plug in again?
Vince


Dear Vince
Most modern keyboards can handle that without any problem.
Take the screws off the back and take the back off, and
let it dry half a day face-up and half a day face-down.
After that, attach the back cover again and try it. 
Most likely it will work just fine.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










"HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left.
Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"   


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Problems with Fabric Dryer Sheets
I bought a new dryer and continued using those fabric 
dryer sheets. This dryer would kick off with the clothes 
not dry. I was thinking the timer was bad so called out a 
repairman. He changed the sensor in the dryer and told us 
those "dryer sheets" had coated it, causing a false signal 
that turned off the dryer. He told us to stop using them. 
Now we only use liquid with our wash and no more trouble.
By Kenneth B. [1]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits
for the bartender to see him.  The man next to him calls
for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo."

The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the
newcomer what he would like to drink.  Wanting to try this
new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too."

The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink.  The man takes
a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good.
It tastes just like water!"

The man next to him looks at the bartender and says,
"Well, it is water . . . right Lou?

______________________________________________________

Lisa and Linda are walking down the street. Lisa finds a
little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen
this face before!"

"Give it to me", says Linda. She looks in the mirror and
says, "Of course you have, silly! It's me!"






Whitewater Adrenaline Rush: Extreme Kayaking




Today in 
1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death 
 of Queen Mary Tudor. 
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide 
 while in jail awaiting execution. 
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean 
 and the Red seas. 
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups 
 Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel 
 through the Panama Canal. 
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from 
 dancing the tango. 
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32. 
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled 
 vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released 
 by Luna 17. 
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female 
 and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy 
 in Tehran. 
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic 
 country. She was elected in the first democratic elections 
 in Pakistan in 11 years. 
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River 
 Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of 
 World War II prisoners of war. 
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the 
 Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were 
 killed by police. 
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the 
 first time humans had trapped antimatter. 
2014  smiled.

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How difficult is Open Office? 

Sunday, November 16, 2014, 09:59 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 16


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee man for being the world's
worst deadbeat dad with 26 kids.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









The average person's idea of a good sermon
is one that goes over his head
and hits a neighbor.
--- Socratex

______________________________________________________

A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and
asked her name.

"I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both
of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing."

"Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked.

"My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand."
the girl answered.

"Well, those are nice names" the guy replied.

"It would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!"

______________________________________________________

I was on vacation, playing the slot machines.  It was my 
first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines 
operated.

"Excuse me." I said to a casino employee.  "How does this 
work?"

The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin 
button, and operate the release handle.

"And where does the money come out?" I asked.

He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying,
"Usually at the ATM."

______________________________________________________

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new
computer.  The training officer said the computer was able to
withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.

Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and
yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room!  You'll
have to get rid of that coffee."

The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"

"Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe
out all of the data!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
 
Lilac-Breasted Roller

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to


Terry Turnage
50
Memphis, Tennessee

Worst Deadbeat Dad 
Now Has 26 Kids

The Tennessee deadbeat who has fathered 26 children with 
20 different women has again been ordered by a judge to 
make child support payments, this time for a two-year-old 
Arkansas boy, court records show.

Terry Turnage, a 50-year-old Memphis resident, was ordered 
this month to pay $60 per week to Miesha Davis, mother of 
the pair’s son Ja’Voin. The support order came as a result 
of a paternity complaint filed on Davis’s behalf by 
Arkansas’s Office of Child Support Enforcement.

A Circuit Court judge also ordered Turnage to “maintain 
health care insurance” for the child “when reasonably 
available” through his employer, and pay $365 in court fees.

In addition to Davis, two other Arkansas women have recently 
secured child support orders against Turnage, who has gained 
notoriety for impregnating assorted Tennessee women (many 
of whom also have secured child support orders to which 
Turnage has failed to adhere).

According to Arkansas court records, state officials have 
filed income withholding notices with a Memphis company that 
operates a McDonald’s restaurant where Turnage has supposedly 
worked (and earned $247.28 weekly).

However, it appears that Turnage has a stake in a Forrest 
City, Arkansas nightclub that lists its owner as Turnage’s 
son, Terry Jr.. The elder Turnage is a regular at Club Envy, 
where he last month hosted a two-day party celebrating his 
50th birthday. The club’s address is listed as Turnage’s 
residence in some court papers.

In addition to his assorted child support cases, Turnage 
is facing a felony charge of making terroristic threats. 
Investigators allege that Turnage threatened a Forrest 
City businessman from whom he had purchased an automobile 
that did not run any more.

In a June 2 written statement, the victim told cops that 
Turnage warned that if he did not have the Chevrolet repaired 
and delivered to the Club Envy parking lot, “he would shoot 
me or my wife.” The man added that Turnage “led me to believe 
that he had a gun and that he was willing and able to carry 
through” on his repeated threats.

Turnage, who is unwilling to support his offspring, paid the 
businessman $10,000 in cash for the 2005 Corvette.

If convicted of the felony charge, Turnage faces a maximum 
of six years in state prison. He is being represented by a 
public defender after filing an “affidavit of indigency” 
in late-September. 
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Karen
Re: How difficult is Open Office?

Dear Webby!
I know you like Open Office. How difficult is it to learn
how to use it? I just need a woprd processor, spreadsheet,
and the occasional PowerPoint presentation.
Thanks
Karen


Dear Karen
It's about the same as Microsoft Office, picks up
Open Standard and Microsoft proprietary files and
saves them in whatever format you select.

Changing from Microsoft Office to Open Office is about 
as difficult as changing browsers, for example changing
from Internet Explorer, when that has security problems,
to FireFox or Chrome. 

Some menu items are in different places, and a few commands
have names, that make more sense. Not a big deal at all.
Sure, for a few days you'll be slowed down a bit, until you
get used to the new locations of some of the menu selections,
but I found it very intuitive and no problem at all.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?"
But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth
because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden in a Fury."

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a
Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies
with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses'
followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's
horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus
drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they
cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd,
"For I did not speak of my own Accord."

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as
evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of
Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler:
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And,
following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a
Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aluminum Foil as Alternative to Fabric Sheets
A ball of aluminum foil to prevent static in the dryer.
If you don't have fabric sheets or just don't want to buy 
them, try using aluminum foil instead! Crumple up a sheet 
of aluminum foil into a ball and toss it into the dryer. 
It eliminates static cling, lasts a long, long time, and 
costs practically nothing!
By Marilyn from Colfax, LA

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming
voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful
to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish".

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over
anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would
take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire
for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another
wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,
I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said
that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand
women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking
when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean
when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said,
"Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

______________________________________________________

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate
their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new
Mink Coat?" he asks.

"Not really," says Mary.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he
suggests. She again rejects his offer with a 

"No thanks."

"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks.

"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John.






Hurricane season almost done




Today in 
1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the 
 American Revolution. 
1864 Union Gen. William T. Sherman and his troops began 
 their "March to the Sea" during the U.S. Civil War. 
1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason. 
1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a countoured bottle 
 patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year. 
1933 The United States and the Soviet Union established 
 diplomatic relations for the first time. 
1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football 
 for Charlie Brown. 
1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged 
 with massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai 
 massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 
1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had 
 been developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research. 
1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment 
 of HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran. 
1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic 
 "sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence. 
1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident 
 from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated 
 for almost 18 years. 
1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students, 
 aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a 
 carefully selected group of teachers and students. 
1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a 
 deal for the North American rights to a book about her 
 affair with U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could 
 file discrimination lawsuits against employers even when 
 labor contracts require arbitration. 
1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth, 
 was shot four times in her car. She died a month later 
 from her wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced 
 to a minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his 
 role in the murder. 
2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president 
 to visit Communist Vietnam. 
2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of 
 nearly 10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean.
2014  smiled.

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