PRE style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif; color:navy;">
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


-20 C (0 degrees F) Refreshing! 
That was during my walk. It's going to cool off some 
more tonight.
Absolutely no danger of Gullible Warming.
Please resume farting around.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Vero Beach man arrested after he attempted jail break-in, 
becam entangled in razor wire
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 17, in
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the 
 U.S. for an annual rent.
History
______________________________________________________
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
--- Ray Bradbury (1920 - )

"The income tax has made more liars out of the
American people than golf has.  Even when you make
a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's
through if you are a crook or a martyr."
---- Will Rogers

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit
the national debt."
--- Herbert Hoover
______________________________________________________

Overheard in the bank today:
A few ladies were discussing the newsreport about the hormone
pills for women in or after menopause claiming that the
hormones could lead to 8 more heart attacks in 10 000 people.
Most figured that 8 in 10 000 was so small a number that it
was probably due to some fluke ot error, and only one of them
seemed inclined to consider giving up the estrogen pills.

Then the old country doctor, who had just come in, interrupted in
her usual gruff and surly manner. She said:
"8 in 10 000 is silly! If 10 000 stop using the hormone pills, you'll
see 8000 divorces and 800 murders! 8 Heart attacks. Those I can deal
with nowadays, but not 10 000 grouchy dingbats!"

Everybody cracked up laughing, especially because she has a
reputation for being quite a grouch.

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"

"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Arthur,
"I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'.
I'm the person who done it."

______________________________________________________

One day, a guy was driving with his four-year-old daughter and
beeped his car horn by mistake.  She turned and looked at him
for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."

She said, "I know that, daddy."

He said, "How did you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't yell, 'JERK,' after you
honked."

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


Patrick Rempe, 
24, 
Vero Beach,
Florida



Vero Beach man arrested after he attempted jail break-in, 
becam entangled in razor wire

A man high on Flakka rammed the fence at the Indian River 
County Jail and attempted to scale the fence, but became 
stuck at the top, authorities said.

A man high on a synthetic stimulant rammed the fence at the 
Indian River County Jail and became entangled in razor wire 
when he attempted to scale the fence early Tuesday, the 
Indian River County Sheriff's Office said.

Patrick Rempe, 24, of the 2200 block of 53rd Avenue, Vero 
Beach, had to be assisted out of the wire by deputies and 
paramedics before he was charged with battery on a law 
enforcement officer and several other charges. Rempe had 
been using the drug Flakka, Flowers said.

"The people who are on this drug lose control of themselves," 
Flowers said.

Flakka is a synthetic drug that has also been compared to 
cocaine and methamphetamine, law enforcement officials said. 
It causes hallucinations and euphoria for its users, but can 
also cause paranoia, confusion and psychosis.

The Sheriff's Office estimates the jail sustained at least 
$5,000 worth damage to the doors and the fence.

"The good thing is, we were never compromised," Flowers said.

Even if Rempe had not been entangled in the wire, he would have 
had to scale a second fence, also topped with razor wire, before 
reaching the jail building, which would have been locked, 
Flowers said.

About 4:15 a.m. Tuesday, Rempe rammed his 2002 Toyota into the 
front doors of Building C, barely missing a deputy who was 
outside the jail. The glass on the doors shattered, but the 
doors held up, Flowers said.

Rempe then drove at a high rate of speed and rammed into the 
fence outside of building E, Flowers said. With the fence 
tipping slightly toward the building, Rempe tried to scale it 
and became stuck. Rempe spit on one of the deputies after 
being removed, Flowers said.

Rempe was treated at Indian River Medical Center before he 
was booked into the jail. He told deputies he just wanted 
to visit friends who were in the jail.

Rempe was charged with aggravated assault on a law 
enforcement officer, battery on a law enforcement officer, 
three counts of felony criminal mischief, leaving the scene 
of a crash with property damage and driving under the 
influence.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Mary M
Re: Go back to W7
Dear Webby,
My granddaughter was on my desk top and the window's 10 
came up. I had been ignoring it. I like my 7 just fine and 
she downloaded W10 plus the 10 Norton.

HELP !! I need to get rid of this and go back to 7.

I know you had told how to do this a while back but I wasn't 
planning on getting 10.

Thank you & Merry Christmas !!
Mary

Dear Mary
Yes, I agree it is time to get rid of that granddaughter.
She is evil!

First UNistall Norton.

Then, if it has been less than a month since she downgraded to Windows 10, you can go back to your previous version of Windows by going to  Settings > Update & security > Recovery  and selecting Go back to Windows 7. 

That should do it.
You may have to re-Install Mcafee and MalwareBytes afterwards.
With that link you can currently get the 2016 McAfee at 50% off.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had
an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects.

One day security officers were questioning a man when they were
suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my
sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked
room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to
walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked,
"Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!"

The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the
security people returned, the woman reported what had happened.

Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one
very frightened telephone repairman.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mushroom and Cheese Orzo Risotto

People tend to get intimidated by the thought of making 
risotto. I can assure you, this version is a super easy 
method that results in a very elegant, delicious dish.
Approximate Time: 20 minutes
Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients:
2 tsp oil
3/4 cup sliced or chopped mushrooms
1/4 cup chopped onions
2 cloves minced garlic
2 cups dried orzo pasta
3 cups chicken broth
1/3 cup any type of cheese (I used aged cheddar here)
salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbsp butter

Steps:
Add oil to frying pan over high heat. Cook mushrooms, 
onions and garlic until browned, about 5 minutes.

Reduce heat to medium and add dried orzo. Stir often 
until pasta is light golden brown, a few minutes.

Add chicken broth and bring to a boil over high heat, 
then reduce heat and simmer. Stirring often. It will 
take about 8 minutes or so until orzo is tender and 
most of the liquid is absorbed. If its too thick or 
dry, add a bit of water at a time until you reach 
desired consistency. If too wet, cook a bit longer.

Turn off heat then drop in cheese, butter, and salt 
and pepper to taste. Stir until cheese melts. 
I'm getting hungry just writing this! Enjoy!

By attosa [147]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of
caution. "You need to be careful about trying these
techniques at home."


"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.


"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,"
the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the
refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a
single item at a time. One day I told her,
'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20
minutes to make breakfast.
........
Now I do it in seven."

___________________________________________________

 Santa’s shop
____________________________________________________

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and
the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said
"My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's
going to go to Hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally
agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands
were going to end up in Hell. So, then the housewives
started speculating about themselves.

One woman said
"I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
One after the other, and all at the sime time, as is common
in these gatherings,  they enumerated their good deeds and
their sufferings and reasons why they would surely go to
heaven.

Then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying
anything. They looked at her and said
"You're always soo a kind and good, surely you're going to
Heaven?"

"Not me," she says, "Tonight I am going to go burn down 
a church or two. Maybe a rectory too."

They were shocked and asked "Why??"
"Well, none of the men I like are going to go to heaven. I
am just going to make sure I won't either".

____________________________________________________

A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess
was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and
unimportant. "My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly,
"here in the East we think breeding is everything."

The lady from the Midwest replied. "Out where I come
from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few other
interests as well."

____________________________________________________




 Pretty colorful igloo!  




Today, December 17, in
1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New 
 York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and Crippled. 
1865 U.S. Secretary of State William Seward issued a statement 
 verifying the ratification of the 13th Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. The amendment abolished slavery with the 
 declaration: "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except 
 as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been 
 duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any 
 place subject to their jurisdiction." 
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph). 
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the 
 U.S. for an annual rent. 
1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was 
 announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953. 
1916 During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the French 
 finally won a battle at Verdun. 
1936 Su-Lin, the first giant panda to come to the U.S. from China, 
 arrived in San Francisco, CA. The bear was sold to the 
 Brookfield Zoo for $8,750. 
1940 Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering preparations 
 for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Operation "Barbarossa" 
 was launched in June 1941. 
1944 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation of 
 Japanese-Americans.
1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western Europe, 
 including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary. 
1953 WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso commercial, it was 
 the first color telecast seen on a local station. 
1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations. 
1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania went 
 online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate electricity 
 in the United States. It was taken out of service in 1982. 
1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates. 
1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder. 
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy. 
1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of North Vietnam 
 during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days later. 
1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in London. 
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by 
 Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph. 
1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point in 
 the 34th game of the season. 
1998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the U.S. 
 attacks on Iraq. 
1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution 
 since capital punishment was restored. 
1999 After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt County, CA, 
for two years, environmental activist Julia "Butterfly" Hill came 
 down, ending her anti-logging protest. 
2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The 
 cathedral is the largest in the United States. 
2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its 
 Saab brand. 
2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law 
 with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company 
 $14,300-a-day until it rids its search engine of the 
 literary extracts. 
2009 James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the United 
 States. On January 26, the movie became the highest-grossing 
 film worldwide. 
2010 In Nanjing, China, the Zifeng Tower opened. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 17

Thank you, Nancy!


-20 C (-5 F) here.
Gullible Warming seems to be limited to near sources of 
hot air.
Ocean levels are dropping in California and in Alaska.
The NorthWest Passage is frozen solid, and polar bears are
migrating South.

Please resume farting around. 
-20 C (-5 F)is too cold for comfort.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texan arrested after he drives his pickup 
into Alva, Oklahoma hotel lobby, on perpose.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 17, in
1777 France recognized American independence. 
History
______________________________________________________

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter?
Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some
old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home
winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"
--- Homer Simpson

"Those who have knowledge, don't predict.
Those who predict, don't have knowledge. "
--- Lao Tzu (6th Century BC Chinese Poet)

"When it is time to die,
let us not discover that we never lived."
--- Henry David Thoreau

______________________________________________________

How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend
John.
"Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting."

"What's the difference?" Bob pressed.

"Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner,
she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me
to bring her daily presents, she's expecting me to rub her 
feet . . ."

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy.  He went out and
cornered a small monkey and roared, "Why am I so much
stronger than you are?"

The trembling monkey said, "Because you are the King of the
Jungle, mighty lion!"

Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Why am I so
much stronger than you are?"

The terrified deer stammered, "Oh great lion, because you are
the King of the Jungle, you are by far the mightiest animal in
the jungle!"

On a roll, the lion swaggered up to little field mouse and roared,
"Why am I so much stronger than you are?"

And the little field mouse replied, 
"Because I haven't had my coffee yet."

______________________________________________________

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly
bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer,
or any physical sport?"

"No, not at all.
Sometimes when we play bridge with our neighbors, I have to
partner with my wife."

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


John Parsley, 
62, 
Gonzales, 
Texas



Texan arrested after he drives his pickup 
into Alva, Oklahoma hotel lobby, on perpose.

 A Texas man accused of driving his pickup into the lobby 
of an Alva hotel is facing felony charges in the incident.

John Parsley, 62, of Gonzales, Texas, faces two felony counts 
of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and one count 
of malicious injury to property over $1,000, according to 
oscn.net. 

Woods County District Attorney Chris Boring filed charges late 
Monday afternoon.

According to an Alva Police Department incident report, 
Parsley drove his 2006 Sierra GMC into the lobby of Alva 
Comfort Inn and Suites on Thursday afternoon after asking 
for a refund on two transactions.
According to the report, Parsley, was told the card he used 
initially was declined both times.

“Parsley stated he had paid cash for the last two nights 
because his card was declined both nights,” according to 
the report.

Alva Police Officer Wade Suffon reported he tried to explain 
to Parsley that he would go into the hotel to discuss the 
situation with management.

“Parsley rolled his window down and looked at me as I was 
speaking to him trying to explain to him I was going to go 
inside to speak with the manager,” according to Suffon's 
report. “I observed Parsley reach up and place his vehicle 
in drive and accelerate rapidly, crashing into the hotel front 
entrance and into the lobby.”

Parsley left the vehicle in the lobby and walked out with his 
hands up, according to the report. He was arrested and is being 
held in Woods County Jail.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Olga
Re: Weird invoices
Dear Webby,
Lately I have reeceived all kinds of weird invoices from
companies I have never dealt with, usually companies that
I have never heard of before.

They all want me to click on a link for details. Well, as
you can probably tell from my seasoned looks, I have not
fallen off the turnip wagon last night. So naturally I
did not click on any link. 

My question is where did those benighted scammers get my 
email address, and how can I stop getting those phony
invoices?
Olga

Dear Olga
Most of those phony invoices are from Russia.
If you use MailWasher, 
and you have not set it to send stuff like that to hell 
automatically, it would tell you something like


blah, blah, blah
Mr. Kenton Mendez
Accounting Specialist| Bank of America, N.A., Cabot Oil & Gas Corp.
invoice_14318911_scan.doc 


If mailwasher could laugh out loud, it would.

First, the .ru (Russia) in the FROM filed knocks it out.
I never get legitimate mail from Russia, so I won't let
them waste my time.

Then ....scan.doc in the BODY knocks it down to hell.

I had to look in the Recycle Bin for that example.
My MailWasher dumps those automatically, without showing
them to me.

Just make filters like those, and you will never see those
phony invoice emails ever again.

Are you getting the hint why I love mailWasher so much?

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a
policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how
he liked his new role.

"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad,
but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
15-Minute Chicken Cacciatore

A delicious meal cooked in a pressure cooker. Your house will 
smell like an Italian restaurant.
Next time I make this recipe, I'm going to chop all the 
vegetables the night before. It will be even faster.
Approximate Time: 30 minutes
Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients:
1 (3 1/2 lb) chicken, cut into 8 pieces (I used chicken 
thighs, and took off the skin)
1 1/2 tsp salt, divided (I used less)
1 tsp black pepper, divided
1 can (28 oz) diced tomatoes, undrained
8 oz fresh mushrooms, cut in quarters
1 large green pepper, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 large onion, chopped
3 cloves, garlic, minced
1 jar (24 ounce) spaghetti sauce
2 tsp Italian seasoning

Steps:
Sprinkle the chicken with the salt and pepper. Put in a 
5-quart or larger pressure cooker.

Add the remaining ingredients in the order listed. 
Do not stir!

Lock the lid. Put on high heat and bring to full pressure. 
Reduce the heat to maintain the pressure for 12 minutes. 
If you are using an electric pressure cooker, set the timer 
for 12 minutes.
Quick release.
Remove the lid, stir and serve the chicken with the sauce 
on the top.

Source: Cook it Slow, Cook it Fast by Mr. Food
By Judy Pariser S. [73]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Two men from Arkansas are Walking along Sam Houston Street
they see a sign which reads,

"Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair"

Bubba says to his pal, Josh: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot
of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune.
Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me
do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not
serve us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."

They go in and Bubba orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at
2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.
"I'll back up my pickup and...."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't
you?"

"Oh, yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners business."

___________________________________________________


 Silent Monks singing Hallelujah Chorus
____________________________________________________

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear
about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have
to hear about the way his mother cooked.

____________________________________________________

The Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be
cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that
the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should
collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then drove to town, called the National
Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed
going to be very cold."

So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even
more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National
Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very
cold winter?"

"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and
bring back every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like
crazy!"

____________________________________________________




 Japanese Army Brigade builds 50 ft. Vader out of snow.





Today, December 17, in
1777 France recognized American independence. 
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the 
 first street to go "One Way." 
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight took 
 place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright made the 
 flight. 
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by 
 its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la 
 Plata off Uruguay to an end. 
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of excluding 
 Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which ensured that Japanese-
 Americans were released from concentration camps. 
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas 
 intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by 
 concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial 
 spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab 
 guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of 1979. 
1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit against 
 NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link between Newton and 
 mob figures. The reports were proven to be false. 
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a heart, 
 lungs, and liver transplant. 
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. He 
 had been convicted of running guns to the Contras. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister Brian 
 Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Gortari signed the 
 North American Free Trade Agreement. 
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese territory 
 in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected militants. 
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at the 
 Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22, 1997, 
 with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all the 
 rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 
1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff 
 out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by 
 masked gunmen. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act. 
 The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that 
 they took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted 
 works and downloading them from the Internet. 
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have 
 ready for use within two years a system for protecting American 
 territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks. 
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the largest 
 overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years. The bill 
 aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It also created 
 a federal counterterrorism center and a new intelligence director.
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Paranoid Florida man was arrested after he 
called 911 on himself.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 16, in
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor 
 off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were 
 disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without 
 representation and the monopoly the government granted to the 
 East India Company. 
History
______________________________________________________
An opinion should be the result of thought, 
not a substitute for it.
--- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 04-04-07 

"Vegetarians don't live longer, they just look older."
--- Socratex

A coupla months in the laboratory
can save a coupla hours in the library.
--- Westheimer's Discovery
______________________________________________________

While leading a party of girl guides through the woods in silent
Cowboys and Indian fashion, our troop leader suddenly came upon a
clearing where a young couple was engaged in some rather romantic
activities.

"Back ladies, back !" cried the leader, "There's a very dangerous
beast out there!"
But it was too late, several of the kids had more-or-less seen all.
They asked their leader what was happening.

"Well, if you... er... must know, they were practicing a brand new
form of artificial respiration."
"WOW !" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I sure know which merit
badge I'm gonna try for next."

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

As the Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along towards the
north, they spotted a war party of about 50 Apaches coming
at them. They turned south, but another war party appeared.
They turned east and met another party of 100. They turned
west as their last remaining hope and saw a party of 500.

The Lone Ranger turned to his friend and said,
"Well, Tonto, this is the end, there's not much we can do."

Tonto looked back at the Lone Ranger.
"What you mean WE, white man?"

______________________________________________________

Once upon a time,....
Margaret Thatcher and her Cabinet were meeting over lunch
to discuss an important bit of impending legislation.

"And what will you have, Madam?" asked the waiter, coming
over with his notepad.

"I'll have the Beef Wellington," replied the Prime Minister
promptly, eager to get on with the business at hand.

"And, for the vegetables?" continued the waiter politely.
Thatcher replied briskly, "They'll have the same."

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________
Thanks to dad for this picture:


These bloomed today, like every December.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


Jasper Harrison,
47,
Edgewater, 
Florida



Paranoid Florida man was arrested after he 
called 911 on himself.

A Florida man, accused of growing marijuana in a storage 
unit was arrested after he called 911 on himself.

According to the Orlando Sentinel, Jasper Harrison was in 
the storage unit when he heard a helicopter hovering over 
the area in Edgewater, Florida.
Worried that he’d soon be arrested, he called 911.

“I’m the guy they’re looking for,” he told the dispatcher.

As it turned out, police weren’t in the area looking for 
Harrison. Instead, they were there investigating the 
suspicious but unrelated death of a man on the same street.

The helicopter Harrison heard while in the storage unit 
was that of a television station reporting on the 
suspicious death, police say.

When they responded to the storage unit, police found 
marijuana growing inside it.

He now faces charges of cultivating cannabis within 
1,000 feet of a school, and possession with intent 
to sell.

He was released from jail on bond.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Peter
Re: Did I win money from FaceBook
Dear Webby,
Some too cute looking lady friended me on FaceBook,
and told me I had won $5000 on some kind of FaceBook
draw. Since I had never heard of any money give-away
at FaceBook, I did not respond yet.
What should I do?
Peter

Dear Peter
Just tell her to deposit it into your PayPal account.
Don't give out any bank information or street address 
or phone number or email address, just your PayPal address. 

Since it is just a cheap crook, feel free to get as ornery
and obnoxious as you want. Tell her that if she is not a 
lying crook in Nigeria or Ghana or Russia, to stop her BS
and deposit YOUR money into your PayPal account.

She will go away.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and
taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance,
the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and
threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.

The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't
close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid,
she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."

Still no success. Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top 
and try."

At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak
and said, "Zoo or no zoo, both on top, THAT I gotta see!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Quick and Easy Poached Eggs

Fill a pot half way with water and bring to a boil. Spray 
the inside of a baggie with cooking spray and break one 
or more eggs into the baggie. Squeeze out most of the air 
while zipping the baggie closed. Drop the baggie into the 
pot of water reducing heat to medium/low and cover. I cooked 
two eggs for 5 minutes but increase/decrease time according 
to number of eggs being poached. The baggie allows for a 
good visual check during cooking. When the eggs are done, 
remove the baggie from the water using tongs. Open baggie 
carefully - contents will be hot - and simply pour the 
eggs out. No more stringy whites clinging to the inside of 
the pot!
By oSandi [17]

If you don't have a microwave, this
method might work OK for you.
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Talk about your fruits and nuts!
Radical vegans - who avoid any product that comes from
animals - are now buzzing about the evils of honey.

They claim its production uses the labor of oppressed
non-union worker bees, according to a Time magazine report
on the growing numbers of American nuts, ahem vegetarians.

___________________________________________________


 Why, yes it IS my twisted sense of humor. Why do you ask?
____________________________________________________

This moose be Alaska!

____________________________________________________

A man walks into a bar with a duck and a big bisquit tin.
He sets the duck on top of the biscuit box on the bar and the
duck begins dancing. The barman finds this rather interesting,
as do the rest of the patrons in the bar. They all gather around
the duck and watch it for a long time.

While everyone is watching the duck dance, they buy more
drinks from the bar.  By the end of the night, the bar is full of
people watching this amazing duck, still dancing and letting out
an odd quack now and again.

The barman realizes that he hasn't had business this good in a
long time. Business is so good, in fact, that he offers to buy the
duck from the man.

The man tells the bartender that he can have the duck for 500
pounds. The barman thinks it is a bit expensive, but agrees to
buy the duck anyway.

After selling the duck, the man goes home, leaving a crowded
pub watching his dancing duck.

Later that night, the man gets a telephone call from the barman,
who exclaims that the duck is a great success and that he has
earned his money back in the amount of drinks he has sold.
Then the barman says,
"There is one thing, though.  How do you get the duck to stop
dancing?"

And the man says, "Oh, it's simple.  Just take the lid of the
biscuit box and blow out the candle."
____________________________________________________




 A wood Christmas tree that is truly a work of art. 





Today, December 16, in
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, 
 Scotland and Ireland. 
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor 
 off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were 
 disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without 
 representation and the monopoly the government granted to the 
 East India Company. 
1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress Josephine 
 by an act of the French Senate. 
1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 
1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force 
 of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 
 'Dingaan's Day'. 
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived 
 at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 
1901 "The Tale of Peter Rabbit," by Beatrix Potter, was 
 printed for the first time. 
1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after learning 
 of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new government 
 with German support. 
1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in 
 Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive. 
1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of 
 emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." 
1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation 
 collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 
1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected 
 president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 
1991 The U.N. General Assembly rescinded its 1975 resolution 
 equating Zionism with racism by a vote of 111-25. 
1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter of 
 an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of 
 contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its 
 ban on Britain. 
1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq 
 in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N. 
 weapons inspectors. 
1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll wheel 
 for a computer mouse. 
1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left thousands 
 of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave their homes. 
2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's Galileo 
 spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a liquid 
 saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice. Ganymede, a 
 moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest moon. The 
 discovery is considered important since water is a key 
 ingredient for life. 
2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin Powell 
 to be the first African-American secretary of state.
2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced that 
 they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 200 
 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced that 
 they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 
2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from the 
 United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent to help 
 Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4, 2001. 
2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known 
 exoplanet on which water could exist.
2015  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 9 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 231 )

---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 15

Thank you, John!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio woman arrested after eating cereal 
during high speed chase
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 15, in
2000 - New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to 
 accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book 
 was to be about her eight years in the White House. 
History
______________________________________________________
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
--- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

The difference between truth and fiction:
fiction has to make sense.
--Mark Twain
______________________________________________________

During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when
the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up
and half remained sitting.

The half that was seated started yelling at those standing
to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones
sitting to stand up.

The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries,
didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he
consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the
original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the
elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple
tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a
representative of each faction of the congregation.

The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old
man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?"

The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit
during Shema?"

The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."

Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight
all the time, yelling at each other about whether they
should sit or stand."

The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!"

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist
Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists
practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I
even knew a minister in that faith, having once dated his
daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing
the service.

He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look
and said,
"Yes,....I could do it, if you're serious about this. However, just
a quick dipping won't do it for you. We'll have to find a deep
place to anchor you overnight."

______________________________________________________

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully,
"That's interesting. How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl.
"You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


Paula Johannessen,
42,
Columbus,
Ohio



Ohio woman arrested after eating cereal 
during high speed chase

A motorist who was spotted eating cereal as she drove along 
an Ohio interstate led police on a 30-mile chase that ended 
with her arrest on multiple criminal charges.

According to investigators, Paula Johannessen was spotted 
driving erratically around 2:30 AM Tuesday on Interstate 70 
outside Columbus. After pulling over Johannessen’s car, 
a Madison County Sheriff’s Office deputy noticed that the 
42-year-old was "eating a bowl of cereal as she was driving."

After Sergeant Tim Winebrenner told Johannessen that she was 
stopped for weaving across the road, she “stated that she 
had been eating her cereal and didn’t mean to go over the 
lines” according to a criminal complaint.

During the traffic stop, Johannessen sped away from the cop, 
prompting a high-speed chase that moved into a neighboring 
county. At times driving over 100 mph, Johannessen ran over 
“stop sticks” that cops deployed to deflate her tires.

After her shredded left front tire came off the car, 
Johannessen continued to drive on the rim. But when the 
vehicle lost its transmission and became disabled, 
Johannessen bolted from the auto (though she was quickly 
apprehended by pursuing officers).

Seen above, Johannessen was charged with fleeing or eluding 
police, a felony, and obstructing justice, a misdemeanor. 
She is also facing raps for reckless driving and driving with 
a suspended license.

Investigators have not identified Johannessen’s preferred 
brand of cereal.

Johannessen pleaded guilty earlier this year to a felony 
heroin possession charge, for which she was sentenced to five 
years probation. A judge also suspended her driver’s license 
for six months and ordered, “No drugs, no alcohol, no bars.” 
A court filing notes that if Johannessen violates her probation, 
she will be sent to state prison for one year.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Alicia
Re: More visible cursor
Dear Webby,
Lately I have had more and more trouble seeing my cursor.
It has gotten worse since I added a second monitor. How
can I fix that? I have Windows 7.
Alicia

Dear Alicia
There are programs that provide different and colorful
cursors, however, some of them have a "payload",
malware attached or included. Unless you have 
Malwarebytes running, be extremely careful and read the
"agreement" carefully.

Before going that far, try the built in options.
Click on START
Control Panel
Ease of Access
Make the Mouse easier....

That option may be labelled slightly different, 

Hit that and you see some examplpe mouse pointers.
Select the middle one on the right side: 
Large Inverting

Hit APPLY and then OK.
Exit the Control Panel.

Now you have a cursor that changes from dark to light
depending on the background.

You can go a step larger if necessary, but try this size
first.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home 
crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, 
eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?"

"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what 
you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me 
to get out."

"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, 
what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal?
'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' 
Did you tell her that?" asked his father.

"More or less, but maybe I got it mixed up a bit," 
Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that 
would stop a clock'!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Quick and Easy Poached Eggs

Fill a pot half way with water and bring to a boil. Spray 
the inside of a baggie with cooking spray and break one 
or more eggs into the baggie. Squeeze out most of the air 
while zipping the baggie closed. Drop the baggie into the 
pot of water reducing heat to medium/low and cover. I cooked 
two eggs for 5 minutes but increase/decrease time according 
to number of eggs being poached. The baggie allows for a 
good visual check during cooking. When the eggs are done, 
remove the baggie from the water using tongs. Open baggie 
carefully - contents will be hot - and simply pour the 
eggs out. No more stringy whites clinging to the inside of 
the pot!
By oSandi [17]

If you don't have a microwave, this
method might work OK for you.
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

An old fellow came into the hospital almost dying due to an
infected gallbladder. After what seemed aeons of tests and
preparations, the gall bladder surgeon removed the gall
bladder without any fuss or problem and had the patient sent
up to the post-op ward.

The charge nurse there insisted that all patients be up and
walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood
clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in
the hall as ordered, even though the head nurse had to raise
her mighty voice, once, and keep her stern gaze on him the
first three days as two student nurses half carried, half
dragged him up and down the hallway.

On the fifth day they were able to walk him hangin on to only
one nurse, and on the tenth day the nurse noticed that the
reason he was hanging on now had not much to do with
balance and support any more.

After two weeks the patient was ready to go home. His family
came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for
what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle
worker.

The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told
them that it was really a simple operation and that they had
been lucky to get him into the hospital time.

"Oh no,doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Our father
hasn't walked in over ten years!"

___________________________________________________


 Chuck Norris Christmas Split
____________________________________________________

Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted
her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding
a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.
She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers
and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later,
Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not
received even one request for an interview.

Finally she received a message from a prospective employer
that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else.
It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how-
ever, want to thank you for the meatloaf-lasagna recipe."

____________________________________________________

Ray had just reached his 175th birthday last week.
Surrounded by reporters, he was asked,
"Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 175?"

Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone."
A reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something
else -- diet, meditation, or *something*. Just not
arguing won't keep you alive for 175 years!"

The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several 
seconds. Then he shrugged.

"Hmmm. Maybe you're right."

____________________________________________________




 People are awesome! Best of the month November 2015.





Today, December 15, in
1654 - A meteorological office established in Tuscany began 
 recording daily temperature readings. 
1840 - Napoleon Bonapart's remains were interred in Les 
 Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena, 
 where he died in exile. 
1854 - In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine 
 was put into use. 
1877 - Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. 
1890 - American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other 
 tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an 
 incident with Indian police. 
1939 - "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick 
 based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's 
 Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh and 
 Clark Gable. 
1944 - A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn 
 Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel while 
 en route to Paris. 
1944 - Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid 
 the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. 
1961 - Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death 
 in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges 
 for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps. 
1964 - Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed flag 
 thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag. 
1965 - Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7, 
 maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around 
 the Earth. 
1970 - The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to 
 land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived the 
 extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and transmitted 
 the first data received on Earth from the surface of another 
 planet. 
1978 - U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic 
 recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever 
 official relations with Taiwan. 
1979 - The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the 
 United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical 
 treatment on October 22, 1979. 
1982 - Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian 
 use after 13 years. 
1983 - The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It 
 was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the 
 Caribbean island. 
1992 - IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees. 
1992 - El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders 
 formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war. 
1996 - Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to acquire 
 rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp. 
2000 - The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, 
 was shut down. 
2000 - New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to 
 accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book 
 was to be about her eight years in the White House. 
2015  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 14 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 659 )

---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 14

For a few days I had a terrible and mysterious pin at the
left knee, and could not figure out what caused it. Friends
had all kinds of helpful suggestions, heat, ice, organic 
cherry juice, and so on. 

I still went for my daily walk. though fopr a couple days
a different route. Then last night I went again the old
route. Getting close to home I stepped off the sidewalk
and onto the street to bypass a frozen puddle.

That reminded me that I had slipped there, done some wild
acrobatics and twerked the moon, but landed back on my feet.
Looking at that frozen puddle I realized that I had simply
put my knee out and just pulled a ligament or something.

Once I had it figured out and knew it was not some 
mysterious, long lasting illness, everything got better
quickly. I am now already walking without any limping.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an


Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 14, in
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed 
 his revolutionary Quantum Theory. 
History
______________________________________________________
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit 
on the curb and clap as they go by.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) 
______________________________________________________

The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden
Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked,
"In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?"

"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the
husband replied.
"Murder fequently," the wife offered, "but never divorce."

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the
Great Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show
how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk
science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict
control or total elimination of the chemical
"dihydrogen monoxide."
And for plenty of good reasons, since:
1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
8. It is linked to Global  Warming

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew
that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible
Are We?" He feels the conclusion is obvious.

______________________________________________________

Have you heard about the new alcoholic beverage that's on
the market now? It's called Bourbon Renewal. After a few
drinks your old neighborhood starts to look a lot better.

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


Tanisha Gilyard,
23,
Fort Myers
Florida



Fla. woman arrested after she threatened fast-food workers

A southwest Florida woman was arrested on Tuesday after 
police said she become angry over a wrong order at a 
Fort Myers area Burger King and threatened the workers.

Tarnisha Gilyard, 23, placed an order in the drive-through 
of a Burger King at 6 p.m. Tuesday and called later to say 
it was made incorrectly, WTSP reports. Police said Gilyard 
then “returned to the store, threw her bag of food down, 
and started cursing at workers.”

Witnesses told police that Gilyard was “screaming and cursing 
at workers about the order,” police report. An assistant 
manager offered to replace the order, which one worker said 
was a “Crispy Chicken Jr.” plain.

According to police, a witness said Gilyard told workers 
“I’m going to get a gun and shoot people with it,” “I’m gonna 
get something from my car and get you,” “I’m gonna spray up 
Burger King” and “I’ll beat the dog right out of you.”

Police said Gilyard had a black metal baton with her and 
“struck a counter area near a cash register” as she screamed 
curses at the workers.

She was arrested and faces two charges of aggravated assault 
and one charge of marijuana possession.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Catherine
Re: Spam using my address
Dear Webby,
I send mail to myself quite often as a lazy and quick way
to sorta file stuff temporaritly. That way I can send memos
and ideas from any machine, and file it properly, when I
get to my main machine. That seems to work well.

Lately, though, I get a lot of spam pretending to be from
me. I do have MailWasher, and it works very well, but how
do I get it to dump mail, that has my address as the sender,
but only if it is phony?
Thanks
Catherine

Dear Catherine
A lot of us do that for fast memos or archiving.
The trick to use is the same as what I have used with the
Humor Letter since about 1994: Consistent subject line start.

You may have noticed that the subject line of the Humor Letter
always starts with "Humor: ", no matter what the topics are.
That allows you to filter it and never delete it, no matter what.

Do the same with your "Inter Machine Memos" or whatever you 
call them. 
Start the subject line with "` " or some easy symbol and a space.
Then make a filter telling MailWasher that 
IF the sender is (your email address) 
and
IF NOT the Subject line starts with "` ", 
then mark that mail for deleting.

Scoot that filter up to the top.

You probably have already white-listed your own address, 
if not, go ahead and white-list it (Friend).

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and
discovered a dead donkey in the church yard. He called the
police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the
police referred the Preacher to the health department.

They said since there was no health threat that he should call the
sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up
the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call
him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to
deal with, but the Preacher called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant &
rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any
way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to
direct his response. He was led to say,

"Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always notify the
next of kin first, since they get to decide what kind of burial they
will pay for!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fork to Hang Christmas Stocking

My roomie has a lovely fireplace. There is no way to hang her 
stocking without a hook so I came up with an idea. She has a 
salad fork that has been broken for a while. With a little 
packaging tape and 3 minutes, her stocking is now up there 
temporarily and no one had to go out in the rain for a 
hanger. Done and Done!
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [455]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than
men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the
average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000
words a day.

She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband
that women use twice as many words as men because they have
to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

___________________________________________________


 It's not about the nail
____________________________________________________

Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental
appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were
supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a
part.

Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part.
"I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know
it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

____________________________________________________

Warning, this is a bad pun:
Three French legionnaires were crossing the desert. One
looked up and saw a mirage ad said. "By Gar!"

The second looked up and say the mirage and said, "By Gar!"

The third looked up and said, "Gee, a two gar mirage."

____________________________________________________




 I love watching figure skaters and this Canadian 
team just blew me away, they were so perfectly in 
sync! I wonder how many hours, days and weeks it 
took to perfect this routine.





Today, December 13, in
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and 
 bolt machine. 
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed 
 his revolutionary Quantum Theory. 
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. 
 The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged 
 in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, 
 the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft 
 for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 
1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man 
 to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days 
 ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott. 
1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in 
 a General Election. 
1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations. 
1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10 
others were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed 
 at the Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps. 
1946 The U.N. General Assembly voted to establish the United 
 Nation's headquarters in New York City. 
1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president. 
1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It 
 transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and 
 surface temperature. 
1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police after 
 holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near the Dutch 
 town of Beilen. 
1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in war 
 in 1967. 
1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions in 
 Lebanon for the first time after American F-14 reconnaissance 
 flights were fired on. 
1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major 
 American Indian tribe as she formally took office as principal 
 chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma. 
1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan 
 and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-stop, 
 non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine days to 
 complete. 
1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling several 
 thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had driven the 
 vehicles with the odometer disconnected. 
1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went 
 into service. 
1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-marrow 
 transplant from a baboon. 
1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an 
 official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's 
 upcoming visit to Cuba. 
1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2 billion 
 fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers. 
1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts" 
 comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was published 
 on February 13, 2000. 
2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope would 
 be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian reasons. Pope 
 had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after his conviction 
 on espionage charges. 
2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000 troops 
 to join an international peacekeeping force in Afghanistan. 
2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to Cuba 
 began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent to replenish 
 what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on November 4. 
2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft 
 to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third 
 robotic rover to land on the moon. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Alaskan arrested after cops find "wad" of cash, 
drugs inside her.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 13, in
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth, 
 England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The 
 journey took almost three years. 
History
______________________________________________________
Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without
the discomfort of thought.
--- John F. Kennedy
______________________________________________________

Several months after a young man is hired, he is called into
the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asks.
"When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years
of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've
ever held."

"Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said
you wanted somebody with imagination, and since it was your
accounting department who found out, and not my supervisor,
I would say that was good enough."

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this?  The first day of our vacation,
and she goes into labor!"

The second one looks at the first and says, 
"What do you have to complain about?  
This is our honeymoon!"

______________________________________________________

===Thanks to Mary N for this:
DearWebby,
I had to check this out the minute I got the message.  I never
knew this was available.  Did you?????


To all:
 This is very disconcerting!  Now you can see anyone's Drivers
License on the Internet including your own. I just searched for
my license, and there it was, picture and all. This was something
I didn't know you could do. I am not sure I like this info out there
for everyone. What do  you think?

Go to: http://www.license.shorturl.com/ 

, I looked up yours. Cute!

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


Chelsea Sperry,
31,
Fairbanks,
Alaska




Alaskan arrested after cops find "wad" of cash, 
drugs inside her.

An Alaska woman appears to have set the record for the amount 
of counterfeit currency and narcotics hidden inside body 
orifices, according to court records.

Fairbanks police were dispatched last month to an adult 
novelty store after a clerk called 911 to report that a 
couple sought to purchase merchandise with a counterfeit 
$100 bill.

Before cops could get to the Castle Megastore, suspect Chelsea 
Sperry, 31, left the business with a “large wad of cash” 
provided by her boyfriend (who waited for police to arrive). 
Shortly after Sperry drove away from the business, she was 
pulled over by police who had been given her description by 
the store employee.

When a check revealed that Sperry was driving with a suspended 
license, she was arrested and transported to the Fairbanks 
Correctional Center.

At the jail, a corrections officer observed Sperry “making 
furtive movements toward her vagina,” according to a criminal 
complaint. Sperry was then “put through a body scan,” which 
revealed that she “had items concealed in her vagina and/or 
anus.”

A female corrections officer subsequently “removed a wad of 
cash and drugs from inside” Sperry. The haul included six 
$100 bills, three $50 bills, and seven $20 bills, all of 
which were counterfeit. The $890 in funny money, however, 
was supplemented by a genuine $10 bill that “was discovered 
in Sperry’s anus.”

Sperry’s vagina, investigators noted, also held two baggies 
of methamphetamine, a baggie containing seven morphine sulfate 
pills, and two baggies containing a “brown tarry substance” 
that tested positive for heroin. The corrections officer also 
recovered a “clear plastic baggie” containing 40 smaller 
baggies that were similar in size to the ones containing the 
meth and heroin. The smaller baggies, the complaint notes, 
are “commonly used for the distribution of smaller amounts 
of heroin and methamphetamine.”

Pictured above, Sperry was indicted on felony narcotics and 
forgery charges, as well as two misdemeanor counts related to 
driving with a suspended license. Sperry, who is free on $5000 
bond, has been arrested twice this year for theft, though charges 
were subsequently dropped in each case.

A police search of Sperry’s boyfriend, Jeffrey Martin, turned 
up several hundred dollars and a digital scale, though he does 
not appear to have been charged.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: USPS virus alert
Dear Webby,
The newest virus circulating is the UPS/Fed Ex/USPS Delivery
Failure.....

Jim

Dear Jim
That one used to be popular a couple of years ago, but 
because most recipients had adequate virus protection,
it fizzled. However, the alert about is it still making
the rounds. 

That is quite OK. It reminds people to be vigilant 
and not fall for any flakey scam from unsolicited
mail. 

If you have MailWasher, it will recognize scams like
that and show you that the actual sender is not UPS or 
Western Union or the post office, but some scammer 
in Russia. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all the
neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After
several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit 
bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called 
upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.

The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in
a short while had the set completely assembled.

It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together 
without even reading instructions."

"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, 
and when you can't read, you've got to think."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Poaching Eggs

A skillet with a lid is needed. Add water to about 1 inch 
or 1and a half inches. Put the lid on the skillet, and 
bring the water to a boil. Then reduce the heat to simmer, 
making certain that the skillet has smoldery, foggy water 
inside of it, kind of like a "spa."

Then take the lid off, and crack the eggs, and gently put 
them in the "smoldery, foggy" water. Put the lid back on 
the skillet.
Let the eggs "steam" for several minutes. When they are 
done to your likeness, remove them to a plate or plates. 
You should now have very pretty poached eggs that are 
either oval in shape, or round, but not bunched up, 
and ragged like they often show on tv.

Source: I discovered this on my own.
By Carol L. from South Bend, IN

Personally, I prefer the microwave instructions
a day or two ago. Those work well fo me.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got
such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every
morning."

Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."

The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any
newspapers!"

___________________________________________________


 Family of ducks tries to cross highway
____________________________________________________

>From Fred
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to a
veterinary clinic for inoculations. As the look-alike pups
squirmed over and under one another in their box, 
I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones 
from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, 
and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative 
client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, 
the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know 
they had to be baptized."

____________________________________________________

A drill sergeant escorted new recruits to the mess hall. After
everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down
and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall:
Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked,
"What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other
instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison,
"Shut up, Sir!"

____________________________________________________




 Beautiful homes made from shipping containers.






Today, December 13, in
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth, 
 England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The 
 journey took almost three years. 
1636 The United States National Guard was created when militia 
 regiments were organized by the General Court of the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony. 
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. 
1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in 
 Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was 
 performed without an anesthetic. 
1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 
1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were 
 killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates 
 under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg. 
1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established. 
1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-operated 
 weighing machine. 
1913 It was announced by authorities in Florence, Italy, that the 
 "Mona Lisa" had been recovered. The work was stolen from the 
 Louvre Museum in Paris in 1911. 
1918 U.S. President Wilson arrived in France, becoming the first 
 chief executive to visit a European country while holding office. 
1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the 
 Pacific Treaty. 
1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing). 
 An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks.
 The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking." 
1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly 
 damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were 
 killed in the attack. 
1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President 
 Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio 
 Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a 
 century-old border dispute. 
1978 The Philadelphia Mint began stamping the Susan B. Anthony 
 U.S. dollar. The coin began circulation the following July. 
1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda’s 
 President Milton Obote was returned to office. 
1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt to 
 crack down on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law ended 
 formally in 1983. 
1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that 
 $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It 
 was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history. 
1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of the 
 troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real estate 
 developer for $65 million. 
1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first time 
 with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson Mandela, 
 at de Klerk's office in Cape Town. 
1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed to 
 join the new Commonwealth of Independent States. 
1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non-aggression 
 agreement. 
1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a hearing 
 before property linked to illegal drug sales can be seized. 
1993 The European Community ratified a treaty creating the European 
 Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1, 1994. 
1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people crashed short 
 of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina, 
 killing 15 people. 
1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei Jingsheng, who 
 already had spent 16 years in prison, was sentenced to 14 more years. 
1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non-binding 
 referendum. 
2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000 Presidential election 
 to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The Florida electoral votes were won by 
 only 537 votes, which decided the election. The election had been 
 contested up to the U.S. Supreme Court, which said that the Florida 
 recount (supported by the Florida Supreme Court) was unconstitutional. 
2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally Unit in Kenedy, 
 TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering civilian workers and prison 
 employees. They fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns 
 and ammunition. 
2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed Osama bin Laden 
 and others discussing their knowledge of the terrorist attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. 
2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel also launched 
 air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in response to a bus ambush 
 that killed 10 Israelis. 
2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven people and 
 injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers during a 90-minute 
 gunbattle. 
2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor commercials. 
 NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the conditions for accepting 
 liquor ads. 
2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 





2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award 
goes to a
California man arrested after he car jacks FedEx truck, 
but did not  know how to drive it.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 12, in
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of 
 his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. 
History
______________________________________________________
When we ask for advice, 
we are usually looking for an accomplice.
--- Marquis de la Grange (1639 - 1692)
______________________________________________________

A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to
discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.

"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back? Are you crazy???" roared the boss. "What kind
of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard 
month of riding.
"How are we faring?" his king asks.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging
on your behalf all month, burning the towns of your enemies 
in the west."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the
west!"

"Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now."

______________________________________________________

Rina puts a book on the librarian's desk and says, "This book
has no story and way too many characters."

The librarian says, "Thanks for bringing the phone book back!"

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


Albert Luna,
19,
Coachella, 
California



California man arrested after he car jacks FedEx truck, 
but did not  know how to drive it.

A 19-year-old man is behind bars today for allegedly trying 
to carjack a FedEx delivery truck.

Albert Luna was being held in lieu of $60,000 bail at the 
Riverside County jail in Indio, where he was booked on 
suspicion of carjacking.

The attempted carjacking was reported about 3:45 p.m. Saturday 
in the 85000 block of Araby Avenue, sheriff's Sgt. 
John Clark said.
  
A delivery driver was parked in front of a home, unloading 
packages, when Luna allegedly got into the truck and 
demanded the keys, the sergeant said.

The driver gave the suspect the keys and ran to a nearby 
home to call authorities, Clark said. The suspect, meanwhile, 
allegedly started the truck,
but didn't know how to drive it, so he ran away, 
the sergeant said.

Luna was identified and arrested during a follow-up 
investigation on Sunday, Clark said.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Book printer
Dear Webby,
Once upon a time you mentioned a printer utility for printing
big PDF files in paperback format for easier reading on 
airplanes and buses. Do you still have that link?
Ron

Dear Ron
Yes, of course! ClickBook is a fantastic tool that is 
indispensable. 

With Clickbook you can print in any format you can dream of. 
I use it to print in paperbook size (Half page) It shuffles 
things and tells you to hit GO, then it prints one side. Then 
it tells you to drop the output into the Input tray without 
turning anythging. Then it runs the back sides.

After that, you drive some staples through the center, 
and fold it.All pages are in proper sequence, 
printed front and back. Book is ready. You just glue a 
cute cover around it, and it is done.

It boggles the mind how it shuffles the pages so that 
they all are in proper sequence front ant back, 
when they are folded. 

Clickbook has over 170 different layouts to choose from.
You can even do tri-fold brochures and CD case inserts.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A man with a heart condition inherits a million dollars. His
family, concerned that the shock might trigger a heart attack,
asks his minister to tell him about the windfall.

The minister goes to the man's house and, after pleasantries,
asks him, "What would you do if you inherited a million
dollars?"
"Well, pastor," the man says, "I think I would give half of it to
your church."

At that, the pastor keels over dead.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Peeling Boiled Eggs

Years ago when I cooked a lot, I read a tip for preventing 
eggs from cracking while being boiled. The method was simple; 
punch a hole in one end of the eggs with a pin before 
dropping them into the water. This method works very well.

Note: I always peel my eggs under running water. Once water 
gets between the shell membrane and the egg, the shell 
slides off easily, sometimes in as little as three or four 
large pieces.
By likekinds [113]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to
his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects
of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced a soccer
enrollment form  which he had brought home from school and
said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this 
one little square that has only room for one letter?"

___________________________________________________


 Snowball fight

____________________________________________________

Two young men are speculating on how long they might live,
and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him.
"After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96."

"Ninety-six? What finally got him?" the other man asks.

"Liquor and women."

"Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend,
"both will get you in the end."

"Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the 
first man.
"Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one,
so he just laid down and died."

____________________________________________________

Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state
highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the
ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you
spell Waxahachie?"

The other one replies, "I don't know."

"What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it
wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge."

"Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and 
stop him again when he gets to Waco?"

____________________________________________________




 7 Day Forecast





Today, December 12, in
1791 The Bank of the United States, also known as the First Bank, 
 opened for business in Philadelphia, PA. 
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of 
 his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. 
1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the US. 
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration 
 of radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 
1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee. 
1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel Corporation. 
1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked up 
 near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo Marconi. 
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1, made 
 its first flight. 
1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The 
 farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to girls. 
1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in 
 San Luis Obispo, CA. 
1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on China's 
 Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and paid 
 $2.2 million in reparations. 
1946 A United Nations committee voted to accept a six-block tract 
 of Manhattan real estate to be the site of the UN's headquarters. 
 The land was offered as a gift by John D. Rockefeller Jr. 
1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's first 
 nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship to bear 
 the name Nautilus. 
1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave $500,000,000 
 to private hospitals, colleges and medical schools. 
1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the first 
 hovercraft. 
1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 
1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S. 
 embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible 
 for the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went 
 off in different locations. 
1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan, 
 William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social 
 Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day. 
1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed when 
 an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland after takeoff. 
1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong and 
 returned them to their homeland. 
1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to four 
 years in prison for tax evasion. 
1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in California, 
 the first web server outside of Europe was installed. 
1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment giving 
 Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other forms of 
 desecration against the American flag. 
1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home after 
 almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian Serbs. 
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known as 
 "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of killing 
 two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He was 
 convicted and sentenced to life in prison. 
1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell its 
 Internet browser separately from its Windows operating system to 
 prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access programs. 
2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers, abandoned 
 his final round of appeals and asked that his execution be set 
 within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the April 1995 truck 
 bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, 
 that killed 168 and injured 500. 
2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being the 
 leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his role in 
 the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the deaths of four 
 Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down five years before. 
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at 
 Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical 
 drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing and 
 hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 
2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear power 
 plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to develop weapons.
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award 
goes to a
Floriduh drunk hit-and-run driver, 
who was turned in by her On-Star calling the cops
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 11, in
1719 The first recorded sighting of the aurora borealis 
 took place in New England. 
History
______________________________________________________

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of
some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box
and explained that it contained two bullets an uncle had given
them as souvenirs from World War II.

"We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained.
"So all these years, we've kept the bullets in the locked drawer
of the china cabinet, away from our children."

The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the bullets
safely. But when he took one out of the box, the top of the bullet
popped off, revealing a strange blackish substance. His
suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other
bullet and found a hard white substance. There was no doubt about it.

The bullets were souvenir salt-and-pepper shakers.

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

"The answer to this last question will determine whether 
you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

______________________________________________________

"Say, Ralph, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?"

"Sorry, I can't."

"Why not?"

"The doctor told me I can't play."

"Oh, he's seen your game?"

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD  
has been earned by


Cathy Bernstein,


PORT ST. LUCIE
Floriduh



Floriduh drunk hit-and-run driver, 
who was turned in by her On-Star calling the cops

Police responded to a hit-and-run in the 500 block of 
Northwest Prima Vista Boulevard on Monday afternoon. The 
victim, Anna Preston, said she was struck from behind by 
a black vehicle that took off. Preston was taken to the 
hospital with back injuries.

Around the same time, police dispatch got an automated call 
from a vehicle emergency system stating the owner of a Ford 
vehicle was involved in a crash and to press zero to speak 
with the occupants of the vehicle.

The person in the vehicle, Cathy Bernstein, told dispatch 
there had been no accident, that someone pulled out in front 
of her and that she was going home. She said she had not been 
drinking and didn't know why her vehicle had called for help.

Police went to Bernsteins's home on Northwest Foxworth Avenue 
and saw that her vehicle had extensive front-end damage and 
silver paint from Preston's vehicle on it. Bernstein's airbag 
had also been deployed.

Police said Bernstein again denied hitting another vehicle, 
saying she had struck a tree.

After further discussions, police said Bernstein admitted to 
the hit-and-run. She also admitted that she had talked to 
someone at Ford and told them she had not been in an accident.

It was later discovered that Bernstein had been involved in 
another accident prior to the one with Preston and was fleeing 
from that incident.

Bernstein was arrested and taken to the St. Lucie County Jail.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Book printer
Dear Webby,
Once upon a time you mentioned a printer utility for printing
big PDF files in paperback format for easier reading on 
airplanes and buses. Do you still have that link?
Ron

Dear Ron
Yes, of course! ClickBook is a fantastic tool that is 
indispensable. 

With Clicklbook you can print in any format you can dream of. 
I use it to print in paperbook size (Half page) It shuffles 
things and tells you to hit GO, then it prints one side. Then 
it tells you to drop the output into the Input tray without 
turning anythging. Then it runs the back sides.

After that, you drive some staples through the center, 
and fold it.All pages are in proper sequence, 
printed front and back. Book is ready. You just glue a 
cute cover around it, and it is done.

It boggles the mind how it shuffles the pages so that 
they all are in proper sequence front ant back, 
when they are folded. 

Clickbook has over 170 different layouts to choose from.
You can even do tri-fold brochures and CD case inserts.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A meat counter clerk, who had had a particularly good day,
proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.
"That will be $6.35," he told the customer.
"That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't
you have anything larger?"

Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the
chicken to the freezer, paused a moment, then took the same
one out again.

"This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65."

The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision.
"I know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Scrape Crumbs off Tabletop

If your table is beautifully decorated and would be difficult 
to undo just to shake it out, use a credit card or business 
card to scrape those crumbs into a dust pan or some type of 
container. I also use the same method when removing pins 
after quilting, although I admit that the crumbs are much 
more cooperative!
By Jean Geisel R. [1]

A small, handheld, rechargeable car vacuum 
works even better. 
To pick up pins, use a magnet inside a pin cushion or in a
ziplock baggie turned inside out. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get
up and leave during the middle of his message. The man
returned just before the conclusion of the service.
Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the
service?"

"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."

___________________________________________________


 Christmas Ad


____________________________________________________

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by a very old lady,
entered the doctor's office.
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"All right," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and
take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

____________________________________________________

The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed. She asked for a little warm milk to sip so a
nun went to the kitchen to warm some milk.

Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the
previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous
amount into the warm milk.

Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more, then before
they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last
drop. "Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some
wisdom before you die!"

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face,
and pointing out the window she said,
"Don't EVER sell that cow!"
____________________________________________________




 Interesting photos of this colorful earth from above.





Today, December 11, in
1719 The first recorded sighting of the aurora borealis 
 took place in New England. 
1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds. 
1792 France's King Louis XVI went before the Convention, 
 which had replaced the National Assembly, to face charges 
 of treason. He was convicted and condemned and was sent 
 to the guillotine the following January. 
1844 Dr. Horace Wells became the first person in America 
 to have a tooth extracted after receiving an anesthetic 
 for the dental procedure. Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, 
 was the anesthetic. 
1882 Boston's Bijou Theater had its first performance. It was 
 the first American playhouse lit exclusively by electricity. 
1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris with nine 
 exhibitors. 
1928 In Buenos Aires, police thwarted an attempt on the life 
 of President-elect Herbert Hoover. 
1930 The Bank of the United States in New York failed. 
1936 Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated in order to marry 
 American Wallis Warfield Simpson. He became the 
 Duke of Windsor. 
1937 The Fascist Council in Rome withdrew Italy from the 
 League of Nations. 
1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States. 
 The U.S in turn declared war on the two countries. 
1946 The United Nations International Children's Emergency 
 Fund (UNICEF) was established by the U.N. General Assembly.
1961 The first direct American military support for South 
 Vietnam occurred when a U.S. aircraft carrier carrying Army 
 helicopters arrived in Saigon. 
1967 The prototype of the Concorde was shown for the first 
 time in Toulouse, France. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed into law legislation 
 creating $1.6 billion environmental "superfund" that would 
 be used to pay for cleaning up chemical spills and toxic 
 waste dumps. 
1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st 
 fight to Trevor Berbick. 
1986 The government of South Africa expanded its media 
 restrictions by imposing prior censorship and banning 
 coverage  of a wide range of anti-apartheid protests. 
1987 Charlie Chaplin's trademark cane and bowler hat were 
 sold at Christie's for £82,500. 
1988 62 people were killed in a Mexico City marketplace 
 when tons of illegal fireworks exploded. 
1990 Ivana Trump was divorced from Donald Trump after 12 
 years of marriage. 
1991 Salman Rushdie, under an Islamic death sentence for 
 blasphemy, made his first public appearance since 1989 
 in New York, at a dinner marking the 200th anniversary 
 of the First Amendment (which guarantees freedom of 
 speech in the U.S.). 
1994 Thousands of Russian troops, armored columns and jets 
 entered Chechnya. The move by Moscow was an effort to 
 restore control over the breakaway republic. 
1994 The world's largest free trade zone was created when 
 leaders of 34 Western Hemisphere nations signed a 
 free-trade declaration known as "The Miami Process." 
1998 Scientists announced that they had deciphered the 
 entire genetic blueprint of a tiny worm. 
1998 The Mars Climate Orbiter blasted off on a nine-month 
 journey to the Red Planet. However, the probe disappeared 
 in September of 1999, apparently destroyed because 
 scientists had failed to convert English measures to 
 metric values. 
2001 Ted Turner purchased 12,000 acres in Nebraska for 
 Bison ranches. 
2001 It was announced that U.S. President George W. Bush would 
 withdraw the U.S. from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile 
 Treaty with Russia. 
2001 Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities as 
 part of "Operation Buccaneer." The raids were used to gain 
 evidence against an international software piracy ring. 
2009 The game Angry Birds was released. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award 
AND a Darwin Award goes to a
Floriduh burglar, who fed himself to an alligator
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 10, in
1520 - Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy 
 demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused 
 and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521. 
1845 - British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first 
 pneumatic tires. 
History
______________________________________________________

The Swedish Christmas Goat in Gaevle is up and the web cam
is online live at  http://m.visitgavle.se/sv/gavlebocken
The webcam is at the top. 
______________________________________________________
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you
are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
--- Mark Twain

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy.
The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted."
--- Mary O'Connor
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

As usual, Hank was working a few hours extra after the rest of
the staff had gone home. Just before he too left, his secretary
called him and asked him to give her a lift home because she
had a drink too many at the bar across the street from the
office. He gladly did and congratulated her on having enough
sense to not drive herself when impaired.

Although nothing happened in the car, same as nothing
happened between him and his secretary at the office, he
decided not to mention it to his wife, who was more than jealous
enough without any provocation or reason.

Later that night Hank was drivng his wife to a baby shower
party when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the
passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger
window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and
tossed it out of his window.

When they arrived a short time later and she was about to 
get out of the car, she asked,
"Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"

______________________________________________________

Overheard after church, one young teen girl to another:
`I got tired of being fouled all the time and the official
not calling on those cretins. Then this humongous girl
elbowed me and knocked me down. Well, I was fed up. I got
up and I decked her. Of course, I got sent out. So I'm
sitting there and this girl on my team comes up to me and
says, "I'm Baptist and I just wanted to let you know that
God will forgive you for hitting that girl.". Then I said
to her, "Well, I'm Presbyterian and `MY God' knows she
deserved that!".'

______________________________________________________

Heirloom Big Book Of Classic 
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures


$10 instant download


______________________________________________________


Gaevle Goat in Sweden, clip from the webcam

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
AND a Darwin Award 
has been earned by


Matthew Riggins,
22,
Brevard County
Floriduh



Floriduh burglar fed himself to an alligator

A suspected burglar jumped into a Florida lake apparently 
hiding from law enforcement before an 11-foot alligator 
killed him, investigators said Monday. His hand and foot 
reportedly turned up inside the animal's stomach.

Brevard County Sheriff's Maj. Tod Goodyear says 22-year-
old Matthew Riggins told his girlfriend he would be in 
Barefoot Bay to commit burglaries with another suspect. 
Authorities received calls Nov. 13 about two suspicious 
men in black walking behind homes and investigated. 
Riggins was reported missing the next day.

Goodyear said sheriff's divers recovered Riggins' body 10 
days later in a nearby lake, and that the injuries suggested 
the alligator had pulled him below the surface. 
"He hid in the wrong place," resident Laura Farris told 
Bay News 9.

Authorities said Riggins drowned and the alligator, which 
behaved aggressively toward divers, was trapped and 
euthanized.

Florida Today reports a second person was taken into custody.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Eloise
Re: Spreadsheet Sunday
Dear Webby,
You know more about spreadsheets than my professor does, 
and you don't contradict yourself twice a minute.
I followed your instructions for the lady who wanted a
spreadsheet with graph for her weight without any problem,
and even dressed it up nice and colorful.

Now I wanted a bar to indicate Sundays.
The professor got all flustered and told me it was a dumb
idea to watch my weight differently on Sundays.
I guess he didn't know.
Can you please tell me?
Thanks
Eloise

Dear Eloise
At the top of the next free column, for example D,
paste:
=IF(WEEKDAY(A1,1)=1,25,"")
What that does is IF the date in A1 is a day 1 (Sunday)
then put 25 into D1, otherwise put nothing in there.
Copy that down colund D as far as you want.

Weekday (A1,1) checks the date in A1, and uses schedule 1
which has Sunday as day 1. 
The IF wrapped around that checks if we get a 1 (Sunday),
and if we do, it puts a 25 into that cell, 
IF not, then it puts nothing into that cell.
"" is nothing. 

If you were checking for a Saturday, you would use 7
=IF(WEEKDAY(A1,1)=7,25,"")

In the graph, right-click, Source Data, add a series.
Smear Column D as far down as the other columns,
hit ENTEr, and all Sundays have a bar from 0 to 25.

Right-click one of them and give it a nice Sunday color.

That's all there is to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A hunter in Africa ran across a pigmy standing next to a huge
dead elephant. The hunter then asked, "How does a little guy
like you kill a huge beast like that?"

Said the pigmy, "My club did it."
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"

The pigmy replied, "There are about 60 of us."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Potato Peel Crisps

My husband calls this the epitome of Thriftyfun recipes. 
When you peel your potatoes, don't throw out the skins. 
Instead, make this super easy, super yummy appetizer. 
It only takes a few ingredients. As a bonus, potato skins 
contain all the best health benefits, packed with B vitamins, 
vitamin C, potassium and calcium. Score!
Approximate Time: 25 minutes

Ingredients:
leftover potato peels
1 tsp oil
salt, pepper (any seasonings you like)
1 Tbsp Parmesan cheese
chives (optional)

Steps:
Preheat oven to 400°F. I use my toaster oven.
Toss skins, oil and seasonings together and lay in a thin 
layer on a cookie sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. I like to 
broil them for a few minutes at the end to get the super 
crispy!

Remove, sprinkle with Parmesan and optional chives. 
So good!
By attosa [145]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it had
been many years since they were invited anywhere, they read
it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a
wedding.

Everything looked fine, until they read the last line on the
invitation.  Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this
'RSVP' mean?"

Selma was at a loss and simply could not remember. Finally,
she cries out: "Vait! I remember! I remember!
RSVP! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"

___________________________________________________


 Walking on air
One of my favorite Christmas videos


____________________________________________________

David told me he overheard a couple of guys talking about
scary things.
Guy #1:  "You'll never believe this.  If you play an AOL 7.0
CD *backwards* you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic
messages!"

Guy #2:  "That's nothing.  If you play it forwards, 
it installs AOL !" 

____________________________________________________

>from dteeple
A Hotel guest calls the Front desk and the clerk answers, 
"May I help you?"

The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send 
someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument 
with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the 
window."

The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a 
personal matter."

The man replies, "Listen, the window won't open... 
and that's a maintenance matter."

____________________________________________________




 I never thought of carving bananas!





Today, December 10, in
1520 - Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy 
 demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused 
 and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521. 
1845 - British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first 
 pneumatic tires. 
1869 - Women were granted the right to vote in Wyoming. 
1898 - A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended the 
 Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent of Spain. 
1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first 
 American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for helping 
 mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War. 
1941 - Japan invaded the Philippines. 
1941 - The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and Repulse 
 were sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Malaya. 
1948 - The United Nations General Assembly adopted its 
 Universal Declaration on Human Rights. 
1953 - Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine 
 with an investment of $7,600. 
1958 - The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in 
 the U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami 
 on a National Airlines Boeing 707. 
1964 - In Oslo, Norway, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. received 
 the Nobel Peace Prize. 
1982 - The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries 
 in Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were excluded. 
1983 - Raul Alfonsin was inaugurated as Argentina's first 
 civilian president after nearly eight years of military rule. 
1984 - South African Bishop Desmond Tutu received the 
 Nobel Peace Prize. 
1990 - The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant, 
 a long-acting contraceptive implant. 
1992 - Oregon Senator Bob Packwood apologized for what he 
 called "unwelcome and offensive" actions toward women. 
 However, he refused to resign. 
1993 - The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the 
 repaired Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit. 
1994 - Advertising executive Thomas Mosser of North Caldwell, 
 NJ, was killed by a mail bomb that was blamed on the 
 Unabomber. 
1995 - The first U.S. Marines arrived in the Bosnian capital 
 of Sarajevo to join NATO soldiers sent to enforce peace in 
 the former Yugoslavia. 
1996 - South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a new 
 democratic constitution, completing the country's transition 
 from white-minority rule to a non-racial democracy. 
1998 - Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international 
 space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface. 
1998 - The Palestinian leadership scrapped constitutional 
 clauses that rejected Israel's existence. 
1999 - After three years under suspicion of being a spy for 
 China, computer scientist Wen Ho Lee was arrested. He was 
 charged with removing secrets from the Los Alamos weapons lab. 
 Lee later pled guilty to one count of downloading restricted 
 data to tape and was freed. The other 58 counts were dropped. 
2003 - The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, 
 opponents of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi 
 reconstruction projects. The ban did not prevent companies 
 from winning subcontracts. 
2007 - Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first 
 elected female president. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 9

Thank you, Frank!!!
Thank You, Jim!


>From Sailor
Dell C1760nw Workgroup LED Color Laser Printer 1200 dpi 
Brand New Free Shipping
    $129.79
    Buy It Now
    Free shipping 
   on e-bay right now  --- 129.79 with shipping and no taxes !!!! 

That looks like a steal of a deal!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunken Saudi tourist, who exposed himself, 
spilled cocaine on Aspen taxi driver
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 9, in
1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade," 
 was published in England. 
History
______________________________________________________
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to 
live up to them.
--- Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Lillemor
Don't loan your tools
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night
(as I often do) and I noticed a diaper-headed individual
with a knife, sneaking through my next door neighbor's 
garden.   

Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over 
the head with a shovel a few times, killing him quite 
thoroughly. 

He then dug a grave, put the body in it and covered it.  

Astonished, I got back into bed.  As I tossed and turned 
my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"

“You'll never believe what I've just seen,” I said.          
“That SOB next door still has my shovel.” 

______________________________________________________

While walking in the park one morning,  Bill found a couple of
brand new golf balls by a bench. They obviously must have
fallen out of a pocket or bag when somebody rested there the
day before. "Waste not, Want not" he thought as he slipped
the balls into the pocket of his shorts, intending to give them to
a co-worker who was a golf nut.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing,
waiting for the lights to change.  A girl standing next to him saw
the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that?" she asked,... with her eyes gleaming lustfully.

"Golf balls," he replied.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically,
"that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once!"

   

  

    

    

      
        Heirloom 

          Big Book Of Classic 

          Christmas Stories

          2nd Edition with more

          stories and pictures
      
          $10 instant download 

        
        

          
          
          
        
      
    
  
  

    
Instant download in PDF format
        for hassle free viewing and printing.

      By the way, there are NO refunds for downloaded e-books, 

      even if they use up all your printer ink or CDs.
  




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Majed Alhamad,
23,
Los Angeles,
California



Drunken Saudi tourist exposed himself, 
spilled cocaine on Aspen taxi driver

A Saudi Arabian man allegedly cursed an Aspen taxi driver 
and exposed himself to the man before spilling cocaine on 
him during a ride to the St. Regis Hotel last weekend, 
according to court documents.

Majed Alhamad, 23, later admitted he was intoxicated and 
told Aspen police officers “he wanted to go ‘extreme’ while 
in Aspen,” according to an affidavit filed in District 
Court on Friday.

The 60-year-old driver for High Mountain Taxi told police 
that Alhamad — whose booking sheet lists him as a student 
in Los Angeles — offered him cocaine “a number of times” 
on the ride early Friday morning to the St. Regis, but 
the driver refused, the affidavit states.

“(The driver) stated this angered Alhamad,” according to 
the affidavit written by an Aspen police officer. 
“(The driver) said that Alhamad used vulgar language and 
derogatory racial terms ... and ‘f---ing American’ while 
in the vehicle.”

The taxi driver also said Alhamad “exposed his genitals 
to him” and “opened the baggie of cocaine and spilled it 
on him,” the affidavit states.

“(The driver) stated that he did not want anything to 
happen to the individual but felt the need to report the 
incident to law enforcement,” according to the officer’s 
affidavit.

When officers spoke with Alhamad and his friend, a sergeant 
recognized them because he’d helped them get a taxi back to 
their hotel earlier in the night.

Alhamad admitted to buying the cocaine for $100 from someone 
on the street he didn’t know, the affidavit states.

“Alhamad stated he knew it was not real cocaine and stated 
it was baby powder,” according to the affidavit. “I asked 
Alhamad how he knew it was not cocaine and he said it smelled 
like baby powder and he had done cocaine in the past.”

An officer tested the cocaine baggie and received a “presumptive 
positive” on it for cocaine, according to the affidavit.

Alhamad admitted to using derogatory words toward the driver 
but said he didn’t spill the white powder on him, according 
to the affidavit. The officer wrote that Alhamad smelled of 
alcohol.

“Alhamad said he wanted to go ‘extreme’ while in Aspen but 
will have to pay for this incident,” the affidavit states.

Alhamad was charged with felony possession of cocaine and 
harassment.

If he ever goes back to Saudi Arabia, he is likely to face
dire consequences. 
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Ghostery
Dear Webby,
Now I have a BIG problem with receiving your daily newsletter.
I've not received it the last 4 - 5 days.
I utilize Mailwasher and have for years. Your newsletter is 
flagged as 'never mark for delete'.

Late last week I installed the following.... 
https://www.ghostery.com/ and checked the column to block
at 'trackers' because I get tired of seeing all the ads, etc.  
I don't know how that would stop mail from going to the Cox 
server but I'm not a genius about those things.  I'm getting 
emails from friends and since I don't do much on line shopping 
I cannot tell whether or not businesses are blocked. The last
business email was from Amazon on Dec. 4 about the same time 
I installed the program.  I'm able to see you newsletter and 
vote daily but I do like to get my personal edition.

If I need to delete ghostery.com I will but it has been nice 
not to get all that junk.  Perhaps I can accept some tracking 
but I don't know which to change and which to keep.

Need your assistance if possible.  If you feel it is my ISP 
how do I go about getting their co-operation and
have any others with a Cox.net ISP complained.

How will I know if you respond IF my ISP has blocked your 
address?  Perhaps a note in Wednesdays letter
would tell me.

Peace
Frank

Dear Frank
You are in the list, and your personalized newsletter goes 
out towards you every night.

Ghostery is mostly a tracking system reporting on you, and 
does a bit of cookie control to make you think it is a 
benefit to you. Unlike Malwarebytes it does not stop real 
malware.

If you want to dump cookies, CrapCleaner has done that quite 
nicely for fifteen years, maybe more, without any snooping 
or reporting whatsoever.

However, Ghostery just reports on your browsing to the 
advertising industry. 

I don't see how it would interfere with your email. Browsing 
and email are totally separate, like highways are separate 
from railroads.

If your email stopped on the same day as you attached the 
Ghostery snoop&report add-on, that is probably just a 
coincidence.

Have a look in the MailWasher Recycle Bin.
If the Humor Letter is NOT in there, then it got dumped 
before it ever got to you. In that case, pitch a temper 
tantrum at your ISP.

Please tell me if and when you get this letter.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody
complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he
appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he
cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some
75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to
keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On
our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we
had a fight, the one who was proved wrong, would go outside
and take a walk. By the time Jenny died thirtyfive years ago,
my walks had become a habit and it was no big deal to keep
them up."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cook Frozen Dinner Rolls in the Microwave

Just like many of the other foods I warm daily in the microwave, 
frozen dinner rolls are great hot out of the microwave as well. 
I have the highest wattage microwave and, on thirty seconds,
these yeast rolls are hit and ready to be enjoyed.
Note that they will be very hot when coming out of the microwave, 
so exercise due caution as you would with any other food coming 
out of the microwave.
By Robyn [373]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Sarah's car was unreliable and she called Sam for a ride every
time it broke down. One day Sam got yet another one of those
calls.
"What happened this time?" he asked.
"My brakes went out," Sarah said. "Can you come to get me?"
"Where are you?" Sam asked.
"I'm in the drugstore," Sarah responded.
"And where's the car?" Sam asked.
Sarah replied, "It's in here with me."

___________________________________________________


Twelve Days of Christmas (funny)


____________________________________________________

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some
advertising on the net) were the main reason for the long line
that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening
time.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be
pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses.

On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the
jaw by a slightly overweight lady, knocked around a bit, and
then thrown to the end of the line again.

As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end
of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not
opening the store!"

____________________________________________________

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents 
despite every effort to teach them good manners.

____________________________________________________




Canadian artist Calvin Nicholls creates extraordinary 3D sculptures using paper.





Today, December 9, in
1793 "The American Minerva" was published for the first time. 
 It was the first daily newspaper in New York City and was 
 founded by Noah Webster. 
1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade," 
 was published in England. 
1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company. 
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the ball-bearing 
 roller skate. 
1907 Christmas Seals went on sale for the first time, in the 
 Wilmington, DE, post office. 
1914 The Edison Phonograph Works was destroyed by fire. 
1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops led 
 by Viscount Allenby. 
1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first 
 major offensive in North Africa. 
1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM radio 
 advertising contract with experimental station W2XOR in 
 New York City. 
1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. 
1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and regained 
 his world middleweight boxing title. 
1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11 other 
 men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society. 
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer known 
 as "Univac 1107." 
1960 The first episode of "Coronation Street" was screened 
 on ITV. 
1962 "Lawrence of Arabia" by David Lean had its world 
 premiere in London. 
1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion 
 seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from 
 having to default. 
1978 The first game of the Women's Pro Basketball League 
 (WBL) was played between the Chicago Hustle and the 
 Milwaukee Does. 
1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members 
 received sentences in prison for their roles in the 
 "dirty war" in which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared." 
1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising) 
 against Israeli occupation. 
1987 In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the 
 Jabliya refugee camp. 
1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential 
 election in the country's history. 
1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's 
 first free elections in 50 years. 
1990 The first American hostages to be released by Iraq 
 began arriving in the U.S. 
1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using a 
 single currency in 1999. 
1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced 
 their separation. 
1992 Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of 
 lying to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair. 
 U.S. President George H.W. Bush later pardoned George. 
1992 U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee 
 delivery of international food aid. 
1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 
 Minuteman II missile silos that were marked for 
 elimination under an arms control treaty.
1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed 
 repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope. 
1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists 
 produced a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 
 3 million watts. 
1994 Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the 
 British government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland. 
1996 UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal 
 allowing Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the 
 UN trade embargo imposed on Iraq in 1990. 
1999 The U.S. announced that it was expelling a Russian 
 diplomat that had been caught gathering information with 
 an eavesdropping device at the U.S. State Department. 
2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after 
 losing $4 billion in the previous two years. It was the 
 sixth largest bankruptcy filing. 
2003 In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two 
 300-year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch etchings, 
 a self-portait and a depiction of the artist's mother, were 
 valued around $518,000. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Kansas armed robber, who killed a store owner, 
and claimed he was entitled to 'self-defense'

Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 8, in
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate 
 Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, 
 was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 
History
______________________________________________________
When it is not necessary to make a decision, 
it is necessary not to make a decision.
--- Lord Falkland (1610 - 1643)

Confusion is always the most honest response.
--- Marty Indik
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to
try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and
settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see
how her son was doing in his new life.

'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really weird people
living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long,
another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door
to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'

'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't
associate with people like that.'

'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside me
apartment all day and night, playing me bagpipes.'

______________________________________________________

Homonyms are similar sounding words, and they
CAN be clean ones, like Soap and Hope.

As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by
her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and
rode off into the sunset."

She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have
problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground.
A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the
difference."
______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


De’Anthony A. Wiley,
20,
Shawnee,
Kansas



Armed robber kills store owner, 
claims he was entitled to 'self-defense'

The widow of a Kansas gun-shop owner killed in a violent 
shootout with four armed robbers in January doesn't mince 
words when it comes to the issue of guns and the role they 
play in self-defense.

“The fact of the matter is, society has gotten to the point 
where we have to defend ourselves," Becky Bieker to KCTV-TV.

De’Anthony A. Wiley claims he had no choice and was entitled 
to return fire in "self-defense" while trying to flee the 
ensuing gun battle with the store's owner, Jon Bieker.

Court papers filed on Thursday by Wiley's attorney seek 
protection by statutory immunity against his felony murder 
charge, reports WDAF-TV.

Wiley claims after he communicated his intent to surrender, 
Bieker continued firing upon him and his three accomplices. 
Court papers say Wiley was shot in the spine and paralyzed, 
leaving him unable to escape.

Wiley's attorney argues because he exhausted reasonable 
means to escape, he was entitled to use deadly force in 
self-defense.

Prosecutors say Wiley and his cohorts plotted for several 
days before entering "She's a Pistol", which specializes 
in providing personal protection items for women.

The men apparently thought Becky Bieker was working alone 
when they pointed a gun at her and started shouting demands. 
They punched her, breaking her nose. One of the men jumped 
over the counter to stuff a backpack with guns. They didn't 
see Jon Bieker in the back room.

Surveillance video captured the entire gun battle inside 
the store.

As Becky falls to the floor, Jon bursts from the back firing 
his weapon.

Jon managed to shoot all three of the suspects. One of the 
injured suspects fled along with the getaway driver.

Wiley remained in the store and continued to exchange gunfire 
with Jon, who was killed when a bullet pierced his aorta. 
Becky regained her composure and emptied her weapon into 
Wiley, critically injuring him.

Prosecutors said Wiley, who has admitted robbing the store, 
was identified on the surveillance tape as the man who killed 
Jon. His co-defendants, Hakeem Malik, Londro Patterson and 
Niquan Midgyett, have pleaded not guilty and will stand trial 
on charges that include first-degree murder.

Police believe the men were also behind a string of 
convenience store armed robberies in the area in the weeks 
before the shootout, reported KCTV-TV.

Wiley's defense lawyers responded by filing the bombshell 
motion that he was "entitled to use deadly force" against 
the Biekers.

The claim reads in part: “… Wiley, withdrew from any physical 
confrontation with the Biekers and he specifically 
communicated his intent to surrender to Jon Bieker. Despite 
that communication, Mr. Bieker continued to advance and/or 
fire upon the defendant and the codefendants. The defendant 
was shot in the spine and paralyzed, herefore unable to 
further escape. As such, the defendant was entitled to use 
force to protect himself."
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ric
Re: Laser printer for home business
Dear Webby,
Tech question: can you recommend a color laser printer 
(wireless)for home/small bussiness? 
And nor break the bank?

Thank you,
Ric

Dear Ric
I would recommend the DELL C1760nw
It has WiFi and color and is good for
30,000 pages per month. 
It sells for $199, plus shipping.
DELL C1760nw
 
If quality is not important, and if you don't mind toner
cost to be more than the printer, check out your local 
Staples store and see what they got on Special. 
Last time I was there they had a Brother color laser 
for $149, and the toner for it $249. 
Keep in mind, printers usually ship with near empty toner
cartridges, and you will need new ones very soon.

If you have an old Multi-Function ink squirter, don't heave
it into the dumpster. Most likely you can use the scanner 
and fax function for another ten years.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

So if the world is truly getting "smaller", 
how come  the US Postal rates keep going up?

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Rice with Half the Calories

I've read about this on multiple platforms and just saw 
it on TV again, so I thought I would share this method 
with you. Scientists have proven that by simply cooking 
your rice with some coconut oil, it changes the rice's 
digestible starch to indigestible starch, which prevents 
much of the rice from being metabolized into glucose, 
cutting the calories by about 60%. That's huge! The only 
difference is, you must let it sit in the fridge before 
you eat it. Here's what you need:
1 cup white rice
2 tsp. coconut oil
1 3/4 cups water
Bring water to a boil in a pot. Add coconut oil and rice 
to pot. Cover, lower heat, and cook for 20 to 25 minutes. 
Let rice cool, then chill in the fridge for at least 
12 hours. Reheat before serving.
Source: Many, many internet searches and TV shows.
ThriftyFun Note: Here is an article with information about 
the scientific research.
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/ ... 021915.php

By attosa [144]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat
in his life science classroom staring at a question on the
final exam paper.

The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast
milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever
came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a
four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more he sighed.
He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he
brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he
scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.

___________________________________________________


Sent by Lillemor: When the lights go out


____________________________________________________

Imelda reported for her University PHD final examination
which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her
seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her
purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and
marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the
class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she
is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and
sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is
going on.
"I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am
rechecking my answers, and half of them are wrong !"

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Roland for this one:
Andy Rooney On Cripes:
"My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very
wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.'
Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the
church of 'Holy Moly'?
I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?"

____________________________________________________




These artists create something beautiful with canvas. 





Today, December 8, in
1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American 
 Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to 
 Pennsylvania. 
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate 
 Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, 
 was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 
1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and 
 became the first world heavyweight champion. 
1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared 
 war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese 
 attacked Pearl Harbor. Britain and Canada also declared war 
 on Japan. 
1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese 
 mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure. 
1953 Los Angeles became the third largest city in the US. 
1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found 
 guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under 
 a law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism. 
1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held 
 the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up 
 with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later 
 he was shot to death by police. 
1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine 
 publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry 
 Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was 
 awarded $200,000 for emotional distress. 
1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in 
 the Israeli-occupied territories began. 
1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender 
 their control over the government and accept a minority role 
 in a coalition Cabinet. 
1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet 
 national government to be dead. They forged a new alliance 
 to be known as the Commonwealth of Independent States. The 
 act was denounced by Russian President Gorbachev as 
 unconstitutional. 
1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S. 
 troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation 
 Restore Hope.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American 
 Free Trade Agreement. 
1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers, 
 but continued to detain about 300 others. 
1994 In Los Angeles, 12 alternate jurors were chosen for the 
 O.J. Simpson murder trial. 
1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement 
 that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation would 
 merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search a 
 person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic 
 violation. 
1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public. The 
 file contained over 1,300 pages. 
1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data networking 
 business for $5 billion cash. 
1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was played. 
 Finland beat Sweden 6-0. 
1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. 
 had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone assassin. 
1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an economic and 
 political confederation. 
2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that he 
 planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a player 
 at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player in 
 U.S. pro sports. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois man, who punched his girlfriend, hid in vacant 
apartment, blocked jail cell toilet and masturbated
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 7, in
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The 
 Electrolux Servel Corporation.  
History
______________________________________________________
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions 
your wife asks for nothing.
--- Joey Adams
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

During the cold war we had a series of radar sites known
as the "Distant Early Warning" system or "DEW" line, a string
of big huge radar stations in Northern Canada, powerful
enough to microwave a goose at 5 Miles, advanced enough to
look over the North Pole into Russia, accurate enough to tell
the difference between a thrown rolling pin and a missile.

Gradually the satellites took over the surveillance job and the
DEW line got abandoned and just sat there rusting away quietly.
Only recently some contractors were sent up there to
dismantle the sites and bury or cart away the remains.

One mechanic stationed there asked his buddy at home to
arrange a date for him when he got leave. The buddy did so,
but told the girl that she'd better be careful, as the guy had
been working on the DEW line for 6 months.

She replied, "No problem. I've been working on my 'DON'T
line' for six years."

______________________________________________________

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the
insurance company. Susan told the insurance company,
"We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my
money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan.
Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the
value of the barn just before it burned, and provide you with a
new one of comparable worth, up to a maximum of fifty
thousand dollars."

There was a long pause before Susan replied,

"In THAT case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband
RIGHT friendly NOW!"

______________________________________________________



Aetna smoking without a permit
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Matthew Campus,
23,
Wilmington,
Illinois



Illinois man punched girlfriend, hid in vacant 
apartment, blocked jail cell toilet and masturbated

A Wilmington man started Thanksgiving morning by punching 
his girlfriend and hiding out from the cops in an empty 
apartment, then blocked up his holding cell toilet with 
clothes, masturbated, tried to escape from a moving squad 
car and bit an officer, police said.

By early afternoon, 23-year-old Matthew Campus had ended up 
in the Will County jail. He appeared in court Friday morning 
but his bond information was not available.

Officers were sent to Campus’ County Road home and spoke to 
his girlfriend, who reportedly said he punched her several 
times “during an argument over alcohol.”

Campus’ sister witnessed the attack, police said.

Campus hid out in a vacant apartment in his building, police 
said, but he was hunted down by two officers.

The cops carted Campus off to the police station but once 
he got there, he “started threatening officers and their 
families with physical violence,” police said. 

“While being placed into a holding room Campus spit on the 
officers. Once in the holding room Campus removed his 
clothing and began to masturbate and continued to make 
threats to the officers. Campus then packed some of his 
clothing into the toilet of the holding room and 
attempted to flood the room.”

At this point, the cops loaded Campus into a squad car so 
they could take him over to the county jail.

“While being transported, Campus attempted to escape by 
breaking a portion of the prisoner transport partition 
and trying to climb to the rear storage area and door hatch 
on Route 53 in Elwood,” police said. “The Elwood Police 
Department responded to assist.”

At the jail, “Campus continued to threaten officers and 
deputies,” police said, and he was taken to Presence 
St. Joseph Medical Center.

“Campus continued to be aggressive towards paramedics 
and medical staff, using profanities and spitting on them 
and officers,” police said. “Campus damaged equipment at 
the medical center and bit a police officer.”

Campus was returned to jail after a brief stay at the 
hospital.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Lynn
Re: Why not show lower 130 in graph?
Dear Webby,

Who told you about my lower 130?
Just kidding.
I don't understand why deduct the 130 and not show
it in the graph. What is the reasoning behind that?
Wouldn't that distort the graph?
Lynn

Dear Lynn
There is no change in the lower 130, so we can ignore
that. It is as if you were simply covering up that part
of the graph and only looked at the top.

By only looking at the changing tops, and stretching the
colums in the graph so that the few pounds of change
are stretched the full height of the graph, you see the
actual changes greatly and equally emphasized.

4 - 5 pounds change are a tiny wiggle of 150,
but a significant jump of 20.

That is all we are doing. We justb cover up the bottom
130 and zoom the upper balance to the full height of 
the graph.

Unlike what the Gullible Warming grant recipients do,
who can't predict next Tuesday's weather but claim the
polar ice caps will melt in 2050 unless they get more 
grant money, you simply zoom onto and visualize the changes.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

How can you tell if people are married ?
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Very Easy Poached Egg

This is a very easy way to poach an egg in one minute that 
turns out perfect every time.
Approximate Time: 90 seconds
Yield: 1 serving
Ingredients:
1/2 cup water
1 egg

Steps:
Put water in a glass cereal bowl. Add 1 egg.
Cover and microwave for 1 minute.
Pour water off the egg through a slotted spoon.

Source: Myself
By CaroleeRose [4]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

The teacher asked: What do you think your mom and dad
have in common?

Little Johnnie:
"Both don't want no more kids."

___________________________________________________


Sent by Lillemor: When the lights go out


____________________________________________________

Arthur goes into the travel agency and proclaims,
"I've seen your ad about a $49.00 trip to Hawaii, and I'd like to
go."

The travel agent says, "Listen, friend, this is my first day here,
but I know about all the details of that crumby $49.00 offer, and
believe me, you DON'T want it. Take the next best offer, which
is only $1,399.00."

"Oh, no you don't," says the Arthur, "you're not going to catch
ME with that bait and switch. The ad says `$49.00 to Hawaii,'
and THAT's what I want."

"Okay," says the agent, who takes his money then grabs a
baseball bat from under the desk and hits him on the head.

Arthur wakes up a few hours later, on a raft out in the Pacific
Ocean!

He looks around, and there's NOTHING, only he and another
guy on the raft.
"What are we going to do?" cries our hero, "surely they'll
send a ship for us. Do we get meals and booze?" 

"I don't think so," responds his new-found travelling
companion, "they didn't last year, and if you don't have
any booze in your back pocket, you are out of luck."

____________________________________________________

The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to the
doctor. The medical man examined him and backed away,
saying: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an
advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had
it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."

"Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman.
"Do you want to write your will?"
"No, I want to make a list of all the people with overdue
invoices, and then I am going out for a few bites."

____________________________________________________





The ring dance.





Today, December 7, in
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France. 
1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became 
 the first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring. 
1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 
 150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5 seconds. 
 He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies. 
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The 
 Electrolux Servel Corporation. 
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was 
 attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack 
 resulted in the U.S. entering into World War II. 
1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119 people. 
 It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel founder, 
 W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire. 
1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British Petroleum's 
 assets. They never forgave them for that.
1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the last 
 U.S. moon mission. 
1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E. 
 Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant. 
 The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards. 
1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months 
 in exile. 
1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of 
 Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray 
 by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane crash. 
1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the 
 first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a 
 prison in Huntsville, TX. 
1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with 
 an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for 
 takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people 
 aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet. 
1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a 
 fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest 
 Airlines jetliner. 
1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major 
 earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The quake 
 measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale. 
1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with the 
 plan for free elections and a revised constitution. 
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion law which
 required women to get counseling and then wait 24 hours before 
 terminating their pregnancies. 
1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman opened 
 fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train. 
1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S. government 
 had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests in secret at its 
 Nevada test site. 
1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into Jupiter's 
 atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the mothership before it 
 was presumably destroyed. 
1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-ever 
 shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes. 
1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by fighting 
 between army and rebel forces in central Angola. 
2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movie theaters were bombed 
 within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people were killed 
 and over 200 were injured. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 6
Saint Nicholas Day


>From Cora
Thank you, Thank you, Webby,
My windows 10 now feels like 7 again.  
If any out there are unhappy with windows 10, 
do what DearWebby said.  You won't regret it.
Happy again, 
Cora
------------

>From Neil
Re speakers for laptop

If Denise has a Win 10 laptop it likely has bluetooth built 
in. That will allow for wireless transmission of the sound 
to a bluetooth speaker. 
Here is a link for a bluetooth reciever that can be purchased 
for less than $10.00 CAD and can be plugged in to the aux input 
on many boomboxes. This eliminates the need for a wire and allows 
the boombox to be located where convenient. The receiver needs 
periodic recharging depending on usage. A usb cable is provided 
for that purpose. Mine works well with the laptop I have.

Aliexpress Bluetooth

Another option is to purchase wireless bluetooth speakers for 
around $40 to $50. These are smaller than another boombox and still 
deliver decent sound. Obviously if you want to listen to a symphony 
orchestra you need to pick a different option. (Vinyl record and 
really expensive stereo probably).

The link provided is not an affiliate link but takes you to 
Aliexpress.com which ships from manufacturers in China. They accept 
paypal so you do not have to expose credit card info. 

I have purchased many items from Ali Express, all have arrived in 
working order. Do not purchase cellphones or tablets directly 
from China. Cell phones are for European connections and will not 
connect to Canadian carriers. The tablets are cheaply made and 
fail constantly. Stick with the brand names for those purchases.

The computer accessories such as cables, usb hubs, etc. are no 
different than what you can purchase in local stores, but are 
much reduced in price.

The only drawback to ordering this way is the shipping time 
regardless of the claims made on the site is an average of 
six weeks.

Merry Christmas!
Neil

----------------


Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Pregnant teacher arrested for sex with 
16 year old student
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 6, in
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state 
 education system. 
History
______________________________________________________
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut 
that held its ground.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two men were talking about their jobs. "The company where I
work is putting in a computer system and it is going to put a lot
of people out of work. Have they started that over where you
work?"

"Oh," said his friend, "We've been on computers for more than
five years but they can't replace me. Nobody has been able to
figure out exactly what I do."

______________________________________________________

Then, there was the young woman who was always tardy.  But she
dressed in the latest styles. As she was running up to the church
just as people were starting to leave she panted:
"Is  - M ass out?"

One of the Ladies society members replied:
"No, not quite, but your skirt is mighty short and it might be 
if you run."

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Virginia Houston Hinckley,
26,
Jacksonville,
Florida



Pregnant teacher arrested for sex with 
16 year old student

A St. Johns County English teacher accused of having sex with 
a 16-year-old student could soon be suspended without pay, 
a school district spokeswoman said.

Virginia Houston Hinckley, a 26-year old St. Augustine High 
School teacher, has been suspended with pay since October, 
pending the outcome of the investigation, but the 
superintendent is recommending at the next school board 
meeting, Dec. 8, that she be suspended without pay.

Hinckley, who lives in Jacksonville, turned herself in 
Wednesday at the Nassau County Sheriff’s Office after 
learning a warrant for her arrest had been issued by the 
St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office.

She is charged with having unlawful sexual activity with a 
minor, which is a second-degree felony. She was released 
Wednesday after posting $10,000 bond.

According to the arrest warrant affidavit, the 16-year-old 
student said he became “flirty” with Hinckley, his English 
teacher, days after school began and that he and others 
commented on how she was pretty and how he “tickled” her.

The student initially asked for Hinckley's phone number. 
She said no, but the following day when he asked again, 
she gave it to him and told him not to tell anyone, the 
warrant said.

The two began exchanging text messages, including nude photos, 
according to the student. He said Hinckley sent him photos of 
her breasts and other body parts, the warrant said.

According to the warrant, the student would often go to Hinckley's 
classroom after school, and when they were alone one day -- on or 
around Aug. 18 -- they began kissing and touching. She suggested 
that they go to Treaty Park, on Wildwood Drive, and she followed 
him there.

The student got out of his vehicle and sat in the front seat of 
Hinckley's vehicle, where they kissed before moving to the back 
seat and having unprotected sex, the warrant said.

Later that day, Hinckley sent the student a text message that 
said, “You better keep your mouth shut about this.” 
They continued exchanging text messages for about a week and 
then stopped all communication, the warrant said.

Hinckley denied going to Treaty Park to have sex with the 
student. Her vehicle was seized and swabbed for DNA after 
deputies obtained a search warrant.

Two warrants for cellphone records revealed there was 
communication between Hinckley and the student, 
investigators said. According to the arrest warrant, a 
witness saw Hinckley waiting for the 16-year-old before 
they went to Treaty Park.

According to her old classmates and friends, Hinckley is 
married and is expecting her first child next year.

School district officials said any steps beyond suspension 
will have to wait until after the outcome of the legal 
process.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Lydia
Re: Spreadsheet for tracking weight
Dear Webby,
I need an Excel spreadsheet to track my weight. 
Unfortunately I have long forgotten all about spreadsheets,
so please tell me in small words like you did in the late
80's. And with a graph! Btw., my average weight now is
around 150.
Thanks
Lydia

Dear Lydia
Sounds like you successfully cured your anorexia!
Congratulations!

For the graph to make sense it's best to ignore the bottom
part, and only show the variations. So let's deduct the
bottom 130 pounds and only show what is above 130.
Men just focus on the top anyway.

OK, in the first column we put the date.
Type 12/1/2015 into the first cell.
Right Click on it, Format Cells
Select Date, and on the right side 14-Mar or whatever
short date format you want. OK

Now go into the cell below that and type
+a1+1. Actually that is  Quattro Style, but Excel will
"correct" that to =+a1+1
That will show 2-Dec
Now copy that cell with CTRL C
Paste it down in the same column about 10 rows
You might have to click on the big A column header
to highlight the entire column, and format the date.

On to column B
Here you will enter your weight. 
Just enter some example numbers between  140 and 160.

Column C
=IF(B1>0,B1-130,"")

That first checks if there IS something in column B.
If there isn't, there is no point deducting  130 from
nothing. However, if there IS something there, it deducts
130 from that, and puts it into Column C. 
If there is nothing, it does nothing. Leaves cell C empty.

Copy that formula down column C as far as you want.
Now it gets tricky.
Smear column A to selct it.
Hold down CTRL and smear colum C down just as far.
Yes, I know, normally that would loose the previously
selected column A. In this case it doesn't.
Once you have Column A and C selected down to equal length,
click on the Graph button above.

Select either the top for upright bars or the third for lines.
The top one works well for what you want.
Highlight that and hit Next
And Next again
Then you can fill in the titles. For the top title type, 
for example: Weight above 130

Then click on Legend above, and take the checkmark off.
That is only if you have different sets of data, for example
also the weight of ol Chubby. Then you would use different 
color bars for you and for him.

Then click finish

Next rightclick on the dates at the bottom.
Excel always messes them up.
Right-click them and select Format Axis
Select for example 3/14 or any short version.

If the date is not rotated to save space, 
you can do that there too. Same for fonts.

The rest is just dragging the graph to where you want it,
squishing parts and selecting colors.

Once you have made one, you will see how easy it is.
Just keep in mind that weird, non-standard way of selecting
data ranges.

Once you have reached the bottom of the example, 
you don't have to dump the graph.
You can adjust the ranges.
Right-click between the columns
Select Source Data

OK, there you see a witches brew of Gobbledigook.
In that you will spot the numbers of the lowest used cells,
for example two occurrences of 16,
one for the dates and one for the top weights.
Change those two to for example 50.
Now the graph takes the data for 50 days.
If you change it to 365, it will do it for a year.

That is all there is to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Petra:
I wish to complain - the instructions on your deodorant were
very misleading. I followed your instructions on a stick of
deodorant to the letter: 'Take Off Top, Push Up Bottom', and
was left semi-naked in some not inconsiderable pain. And it
didn't help my perspiring.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Almond Crescent Cookies

A twist on the classic sugar cookie recipe, these almond 
horns are perfect for a Christmas tea or enjoyed alongside 

hot cocoa on a snowy afternoon.
Approximate Time: 90 minutes

Yield: 6 dozen

Ingredients:
1 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
3 Tbsp milk
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp amaretto
3 cups flour
1.5 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup cornstarch
1 cup almonds, ground
1 cup confectioners sugar
 
Steps:
Mix sugar, butter, egg, milk, and salt thoroughly.
Gradually add in flour, baking powder, cornstarch and 
amaretto until dough is smooth and pliable.
Fold in almond bits. Shape dough into small logs 
(about 1 inch long) and bend to form crescents.
Bake at 375 degrees F for 7-9 minutes. Allow to cool 
slightly, then roll in confectioners sugar.
Source: My Italian Grandmother :-)
By Rae G. [21]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
do what it says on the aspirin bottle . . .

"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

___________________________________________________


Scat dancing


____________________________________________________

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final
exam after an entire semester dealing with a  broad array of
topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the
professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and
wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this
semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious
fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour
attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in
less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the
group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had
barely written anything at all.

They found his answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"

____________________________________________________

This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line:
911 operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance.

911 operator: A what?

Man: I need an ambulance. A woman just got hit by a car.

911 operator: Okay, where are you?

Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street.

911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This static
makes it hard to understand you.

Man: I'm at Sycamore Street!

911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand
you if you spell where you're at.

Man: All right. S-y-c-k...no, no that ain't right. S-i-
c-k...no...S-e...S-y. I'll tell you what, I'll skid her 
over to Lee Street; you can pick her up there.

____________________________________________________





Temporary art.





Today, December 6, in
1492 Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti) and 
 the Dominican Republic. 
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state 
 education system. 
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was 
 ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S. 
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, 
 with a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb. 
1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was 
 completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years. 
1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first 
 and only president of the Confederate States of America. 
1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's 
 worst mine disaster. 
1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships 
 collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia. 
1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia. 
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self
 -governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish 
 treaty was signed. 
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on 
 bachelors. 
1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated 
 by U.S. President Truman. 
1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into 
 orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad 
 at Cape Canaveral, FL. 
1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb 
 exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The 
 Irish National Liberation Army was responsible for 
 planting the bomb. 
1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing 
 six Israelis and wounding 44. 
1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred when 
 a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's 
 school of engineering. The man then killed himself. 
1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000 
 foreign hostages. 
1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a 
 mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting 
 resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed. 
1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due 
 to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one 
 of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest 
 municipality to file for bankruptcy. 
1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a 
 residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff. 
 70 people were killed. 
1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was 
 elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt 
 against the government six years earlier. 
1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected 
 the first two building blocks of the international space 
 station in the shuttle cargo bay. 
2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and 
 480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction 
 for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered 
 to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution. 
2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million 
 memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval 
 fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 5

In Austria, where I grew up, tonight is the night when 
St Nicolaus and a devil come around, read the kids the
riot act about what they have to stop or start doing,
praise them for what they did right, and leave them some
goodies.

All during Grade and High School I had been threatened 
quite frequently to be sent to Jagdberg, a former castle
converted to a Juvenile jail school with very high stone 
walls. 
While going to University a professor conned me into being
Santa at Jagdberg. 
Picture me in Santa clothes on my motorcycle riding twenty 
miles to Jagdberg. When I got there they gave me two shots
of Schnaps to ease my stage fright, and handed me a big sack
full of little ones, and a big old book with a hand written
page for each boy inserted between the pages.

My speeches to the first few boys were a bit awkward, but 
then the stage fright medicine started to work, and I quickly
got the hang of it. After a few classess I was even told to
shorten my speeches and be a bit less dramatic.

Eventually I finished with all 640 inmates and started on 
the guards and teachers. I had no papers on those, but faked
their sins and achievements quite nicely. By that time I
was on a roll!

Then they gave me coffee and a very nice sandwich with cold 
cuts in it, and shoed me out. By that time it was about
11 PM and snowing. So I stopped at my girlfriend's place and
gave her the baggie of treats that they had given me for my
effort. By the time I got out of there it was almost getting 
light. I made it home in time to change clothes and ride off
to University. 

Good old days!
Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to
Michigan men who robbed and beat up a cerbral palsy victim
and posted the beating on their own and his FaceBook page.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 4, in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti).
History
______________________________________________________
The cure for boredom is curiosity. 
There is no cure for curiosity.
--- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels
with another must wait till that other is ready.
--- Henry David Thoreau
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

 On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly
couple in front of me.  Learning that it was the couple's 50th
wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them
and asked how they had done it.

"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.
The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet
statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word
that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "..underwater."
______________________________________________________

Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his
work in the field of impotence.
The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably
good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?"
Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week.
I can't do that."

The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly
SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like."

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Nikey Dashone Walker and 
Shadeed Dontae Bey, 
both 20,
Pontiac,
Michigan


Cops: 'Cowards' film beating of man with cerebral palsy

Documented in some of the most graphic videos ever released 
by the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office, two men were charged 
Tuesday with the vicious beating of a 23-year-old Pontiac 
man who has cerebral palsy.

In the video — filmed by the man’s attackers and posted on 
their Facebook page, according to police — the victim can 
be seen lying on the concrete floor of an apartment building’s 
stairwell while his assailants kick and pummel him while 
shouting profanities and calling him the "n" word.

"Preying on those in our community who suffer from 
disabilities will not be tolerated and furthermore, to have 
the audacity to post their actions on the victim’s page is 
beyond belief," Oakland County Sheriff Michael Bouchard 
said in a statement, adding:  "I am proud of the deputies 
at the Pontiac substation and the excellent investigative 
work that was completed in order to bring these two 
cowards to justice."

According to police, deputies responded to the Phoenix 
Place Apartments at 8:30 a.m. Monday, after a caller said 
an injured man was lying in front of the building. 
Officers determined that the victim "was robbed of his 
cell phone while he was inside his apartment and, after 
following the assailants, he was beaten by them inside 
a stairwell," said a news release from Oakland County 
Undersheriff Mike McCabe.

"Detectives learned that the suspects had filmed the 
assault using the victim's cell phone and then proceeded 
to post the video to the victim's Facebook page as well 
as their own personal pages," McCabe said in the release. 
A few hours after the beating, police arrested the suspects 
and the pair was arraigned Tuesday in 50th District Court 
in Pontiac, McCabe said.

Authorities have not released the name of the victim, but 
Frankie Santana, a resident at the complex, told WJBK-TV 
that he was the man who was assaulted.

"Why would they do that and put it on Facebook? That's 
how you are going to get caught real quickly," Santana said.

Santana said the men spit and stomped on him, injuring an 
eye, but that "nothing is broke." He said he had seen one 
of the men before. Investigators say they believe they 
followed someone to get inside the building and then walked 
into the victim's unlocked apartment.

"I crawled through the hallway and knocked on someone's door 
and that's how I got help," Santana told the TV station.

Nikey Dashone Walker and Shadeed Dontae Bey, both 20 and 
residents of Pontiac, were charged with home invasion, 
unarmed robbery and assault with intent to do great bodily 
harm less than murder; and Judge Michael Martinez assigned 
$25,000 cash bonds to each, McCabe said. 

Walker has a prior conviction for auto theft and Bey for 
larceny, trespassing, possession of stolen goods, resisting 
police and a drug charge, McCabe said in his release. 
If convicted, they could be sent to prison for 10 years.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
Re: Laptop sound
Dear Webby,
I got a laptop for the anniversary, with that wonky W10
on it, but I used your Classic Shell to get the W7 look
and feel again. I am not stupid. However, the sound is
still very crappy. I can do better with a comb and some 
parchment paper. How can I fix the zilly Kazoo?
Denise

Dear Denise
You can't. With the cheap little squeakers in there, 
what you hear now is the best you will ever get out of
that machine.

To get decent sound you have to add external speakers,
preferably amplified ones.

there are amplified speakers, that are made to work with 
computers. Logitech makes some very good ones.

You can also go to the local Pawn show and see what they
got. Look for a boom box or living room stereo, that has
AUX input lugs or sockets, originally intended for record
player or external tape decks.

Then ask for a cable to connect from the GREEN socket
of the laptop, 1/8" stereo, to the boom box or house
stereo.

Connect, adjust the volume way down to minimize damage to
your fine crystal, and you are all set.

Unlike the cheap squeakers in laptops, quite often the
built in microphone is good enough so that Microsoft 
and the CIA can hear every whisper in the room, and is 
plenty good enough for video conferencing.

You CAN attach a head set or boom microphone. That cuts
off the CIA snooper and gives the focus to the external
microphone. If you don't want the CIA and Snowden to record
what you do with the postman, put the external microphone
in front of the radio. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

One afternoon, two doctors from India were having an
animated discussion.
"I say it's spelled 'W-H-O-O-M'," said the first Indian doctor.

"No, it is 'W-H-O-M-B'," said the other Indian doctor.

An American nurse passing by said, "Excuse me, you are both
wrong. It is spelled 'W-O-M-B'."

"Thank you nurse," said one of the doctors, "but we prefer to
settle this argument ourselves. Besides, we don't think you are
in a position to describe the sound of an elephant passing wind
under water."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Decoupaged Photo on Wood

This is an easy way to place a photo on wood.
Approximate Time: More than 24 hourslazy Susan with photos

Supplies:
One photo printed on "regular" copy paper. Do NOT use a photograph printed on anything but copy paper!
wax paper
Martha Stewart Decoupage (There is one for light surfaces and one for dark surfaces. Choose according to what you are placing your photo on.)
Rustoleum Ultra Cover Clear Gloss

Steps:
Print out your photo.
Cut photo and lay right side up on wax paper.
Spread decoupage evenly over the surface of the photo.
Turn upside down (decoupage down on wooden surface) 
If you use something with a word, take this into consideration!
Decoupaged Photo on Wood
Wait 24 hours.
Use a sponge and water to wipe off the paper and the 
photo will appear.
Spray the clear Rustoeum over the wooden surface.
I would suggest trying this on a scrap piece of wood first. 
You will be pleased with the results of even your first attempt. 
As you can see, I used a lazy Susan and will be a welcome gift.
Source: This is a Martha Stewart Product
By Sandy [48]


If you have a Laser printer, or if a friend has one,
you can simply put the picture upside down onto smoothly 
sanded wood and iron it. The picture will transfer to the
wood. Pinning the picture will keep it from moving during
the ironing.

Some types of wood will need two applications. In that 
case mark the outline with a pencil. You can erase that
before you spray the clear coat on it.

For smooth wood pieces check at the Dollar store. They
have lots of wood plaques with pious or smart-ass sayings
painted on the front, and smooth wood in the back.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.
"I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was
just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What
a dream."

"I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was
in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life."

His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you
had two beautiful women, and you didn't call me?"

"Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said
you'd gone fishing."

___________________________________________________


 juggling at the White House


____________________________________________________

An attractive young woman who had just had surgery
performed on her asked the doctor,
"Will the scar show?"

The doctor replied, "That's entirely up to you."

____________________________________________________

"Arthur's wife convinced him to sign what's called a living will.
It's a document that gives her the right, if he becomes attached
to some mechanical device, to terminate his life.  

So, yesterday, while he was on his new exercise bike, 
with the heart rate monitor, the blood oxygen monitor, 
the breathing rate monitor and the temperature monitors 
attached to him. . . ."

____________________________________________________





Some beautiful, some amusing snow and ice art in Japan.





Today, December 5, in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti). 
1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death 
 of Francis II. 
1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held 
 his first sale in London. 
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces for 
 the invasion of England. 
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating 
 from Russia. 
1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by 
 confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California. 
1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The 
 device was the first practical pipe wrench. 
1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port Arthur
 during the Russo-Japanese War. 
1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first used on 
 football uniforms worn by college football players. 
1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland. 
1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa making it 
 possible for him to travel to the U.S. 
1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th state 
 to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 
1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops on 
 the Somalian border. 
1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with plotting 
 against Joseph Stalin's government. 
1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydrophonics 
 operation was established. 
1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution
1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy. 
1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S. 
 Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training 
 mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were 
 never heard from again. 
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in 
 Washington, DC. 
1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt 
 during the Suez War. 
1958 Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was opened 
 by Prime Minister Macmillan. 
1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, Congo, 
 near Elizabethville. 
1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council, 
 vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities 
 between India and Pakistan over Kashmir. 
1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria, 
 Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel. 
1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus, 
 began beaming back its first information and picture of the planet. 
1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon Church 
 due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal Rights Amendment 
 to the Constitution. 
1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were killed 
 when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment building. 
1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a Kuwaiti 
 jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they would blow up the 
 plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned extremists. 
1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted by a 
 federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and conspiracy charges. 
1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house arrest. 
1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union, 
 23 years after his father was the head. His father disappeared 
 and was presumed dead. 
2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a temporary 
administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two women were included 
 in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai and his Cabinet were planned 
 to take over power in Afghanistan on December 22. 
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications
 downloaded. 
2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-operating 
 spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered orbit around Mars 
 on October 23, 2001. 
2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted when 
 it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed on target 
 in the Pacific Ocean. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!







With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
British rapist bully, who got the crap beaten out oif him
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 4, in
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. 
History
______________________________________________________
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The Los Alamitos, California, police log reports that a caller
called police to report hearing a man screaming,
"I am going to kill you!"
which turned out to be the man "addressing his computer."
No charges were filed, of course, as the actions were deemed
to likely be appropriate.

______________________________________________________

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory
that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local
woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you
limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think
women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our
employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being
shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't
pout when I yell at them."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Johnathon Holmes, 
35,
Sheffield, 
England



Sex attacker left beaten up after woman fights back

A violent sex fiend was left bruised and bloodied after 
trying to rape a woman who courageously refused to go down 
without a fight.

Johnathon Holmes, 35, jumped the woman on the streets of 
Sheffield, England, last month -- but ended up having to 
escape his own beastly attack with two black eyes and 
numerous gashes to his face, The Mirror reported.

On Tuesday, the Sheffield man pleaded guilty to the Nov. 1 
attack and was sentenced to four and a half years in prison, 
according to The Mirror.

The woman testified in court that he followed her in the 
early morning hours for over a mile before pouncing on her 
and knocking her into some bushes.

Fortunately for her, she realized she was being followed 
and prepared herself by placing her car keys in her hand 
as a potential weapon, she testified. She had also pulled 
out her phone to call her partner.

As Holmes forced her on her back and climbed on top of her, 
he told her, “you are going to enjoy this,” she said.

He then thrust his tongue into her mouth, and she chomped down 
on it as hard as she could. When he relaxed his grip she 
maneuvered herself on top of him and, with her keys pressed 
to his neck, continued screaming for help, and just generally
beat the crap out of the big bully, she told the court.

Two passers-by heard her cries and likely prompted his 
attempt to flee, Prosecutor Rachael Harrison said, according 
to The Sheffield Star. But as he jumped over some railings, 
he injured himself some more. 
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
Re: Laptop sound
Dear Webby,
I got a laptop for the anniversary, with that wonky W10
on it, but I used your Classic Shell to get the W7 look
and feel again. I am not stupid. However, the sound is
still very crappy. I can do better with a comb and some 
parchment paper. How can I fix the zilly Kazoo?
Denise

Dear Denise
You can't. With the cheap little squeakers in there, 
what you hear now is the best you will ever get out of
that machine.

To get decent sound you have to add external speakers,
preferably amplified ones.

there are amplified speakers, that are made to work with 
computers. Logitech makes some very good ones.

You can also go to the local Pawn show and see what they
got. Look for a boom box or living room stereo, that has
AUX input lugs or sockets, originally intended for record
player or external tape decks.

Then ask for a cable to connect from the GREEN socket
of the laptop, 1/8" stereo, to the boom box or house
stereo.

Connect, adjust the volume way down to minimize damage to
your fine crystal, and you are all set.

Unlike the cheap squeakers in laptops, quite often the
built in microphone is good enough so that the Microsoft 
and the CIA can hear every whisper in the room, and is 
plenty good enough for video conferencing.

You CAN attach a head set or boom microphone. That cuts
off the CIA snooper and gives the focus to the external
microphone. If you don't want the CIA and Snowden to record
what you do with the postman, put the external microphone
in front of the radio. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

The above joke reminds me of  this fact:

Giant Canadian/US retailer Home Depot has issued a company
policy that no store is to do any more business with the US
government or its representatives.

Why?
They prefer to hire people with experience in construction and
building trades or their spouses who generally know as much
about hardware, people who speak the local language fluently,
and people who are physically in good enough shape to be
able to assist customers with loading their purchases.

However, if they sell above a certain amount of stuff to the US
government, they fall under contractor or supplier status and
have to employ according to government regulations. Right now
that would mean firing a lot of women and hire more men, even
if they are in no shape to lift a bag of cement that is as heavy
as a kid, or don't know what cement is. They would have to fire
local people who live within walking distance of the store and
hire a certain percentage of new immigrants, etc., etc.
Therefore, when they had to choose between customer service
as usual  versus government style, they decided to tell the
governement to go shop elsewhere.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Double Chocolate Toffee Cookies

Ingredients:
3/4 cup cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cup packed, brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup toffee bits

Steps:
Preheat oven to 350º F. Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda 
and salt in medium bowl.
Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract 
in large mixer bowl until creamy.
Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. 
Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in chips and toffee bits.
Place by spoonful on greased baking sheets. 
Bake for 9 to 11 minutes.
Link: triingforbalance.blogspot.com
By Rae G. [20]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man
at the end of the row of seats, "Pardon me, but did I step on
your foot before?"

Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did."

Sally nodded, "Oh good. Then this is my row."

___________________________________________________


 juggling at the White House


____________________________________________________

Gina was trying to get her eigth-grade history class to
understand how the Indians must have felt when they first
encountered the Spanish explorers.
"How would you feel," she asked, "if someone showed up on
your doorstep who looked very different, spoke in a strange
way that you don't understand, and wore weird and unusual
clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," one girl answered, "That pretty well describes Bozo,
my sister's boyfriend, 
and I've beaten him up three times already."

____________________________________________________

The FBI issued a warning, in a Lancaster County,
Pennsylvania newspaper, that they suspect a terrorist may
be hiding in the Amish community here. This photo
provided the first clue that triggered the investigation:


____________________________________________________





Some beautiful, some amusing snow and ice art in Japan.





Today, December 4, in
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. 
1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to attend 
 the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the first chief 
 executive to travel to Europe while in office. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the dismantling 
 of the Works Progress Administration. The program had been 
 created in order to provide jobs during the Great Depression. 
1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first 
 time during World War II. 
1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced that 
 any club was free to employ black players. 
1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank 
 Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board. 
1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter. 
1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire, 
 crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost 
 more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later. 
1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman mayor 
 when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had been 
 murdered. 
1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador two 
 days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were 
 later convicted of the murders. 
1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions 
 in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American 
 reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was 
 shot down and captured by Syria. 
1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a Kuwaiti 
 airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land in Tehran. 
 Two American passengers were killed by the hijackers. 
1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their 
 89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising. 
1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of 
 heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt. 
1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was holding. 
1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released 
 after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon. 
1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops to 
 lead a mercy mission to Somalia. 
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes formally 
 adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing an estimated 
 1,000 people per day. 
1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peacekeepers 
 they were holding as insurance against further NATO airstrikes. 
2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another motorist 
 in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the other motorists 
 face while pulling off the man's glasses. 
2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in an 
 ongoing two year international investigation into drug trafficking, 
 satellite service pilfering and money laundering. Some satellite 
 equipment was taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 3




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman shot ex-beau in leg after moving out
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 3, in
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was 
 eventually put to death for the 33 charges. 
href="#hist">History
______________________________________________________
A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry 
and by common hatred of its neighbors.
--- William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready
when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said,
"Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then
passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom
whenever Daddy called from work.

When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver
and said, "Hi, hon."

"Thank God, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just
called to tell you that your snowblower is fixed"

______________________________________________________

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a
week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me . . . I know we've been friends
for a long time, but I just can't think of your name!  I've thought
and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your
name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said,
"How soon do you need to know?"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Moe

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Asia Roshonda Simpson, 
21,
Orlando,
Florida




Woman shot ex-beau in leg after moving out

A dispute about a past relationship quickly escalated Tuesday 
when a woman shot her ex-boyfriend in the leg at his apartment 
where she previously lived with him for a f ew months, 
officials said.

Orlando police are looking for shooting suspect 
Asia Roshonda Simpson, 21.

About 8 p.m., officers were called to the shooting at 
GrandeVille at JubiLee Park apartments off South Goldenrod 
Road near the Orlando International Airport.

Once inside, police found the victim — who hasn't been 
identified — lying on the floor between the kitchen and 
bedroom, holding his right leg. The back of his pants were 
covered in blood, according to a report said. Police asked 
who shot him, and he said his ex-girlfriend.

Emergency personnel found a fragment of the bullet in his 
jeans. He was rushed to Orlando Regional Medical Center. 
His condition was unknown.

"It appears he was shot from the front of his right leg and 
the bullet exited through the rear of his leg," the report 
said. The victim said they began dating in January. They 
lived together most of their relationship until they broke 
up in October. She was in the process of moving out.

Once she took everything from the apartment, the victim 
left to eat. She called him multiple times, police said, 
until he answered. That's when she said she wanted to talk 
to him in person. He returned to the apartment and they 
spoke about their past relationship.

"He stated she was upset because she was homeless," the 
report said. "He told her to go to her sister's house or 
the new guy she was dating." Simpson then pulled a gun from 
her purse and shot him, police said.

"He dropped to the ground and pleaded with her not to shoot 
him again," the report said. "He stated he was afraid that 
she was going to shoot him again and kill him."
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Comac
Re: Can't go back to Windows 7
Dear Webby,
I sure envy the lady that could go back to Windows 7.  
I'm telling everybody as long as your computer is healthy 
stay with it.  When a new one has to be bought you are stuck 
with Windows 10 like I am. Wish it never got invented.  
For a while I felt like I was starting to use a computer 
for the first time again.  Getting better now, but it took 
over 3 weeks.
Comac

Dear Comac
Use the Classic link I had on that page.
You can make W10 look and feel like W7 or even XP.
Lots of companies use the XP look and feel, because 
they just want their employees to get work done, 
and not waste time cussing at W10.
XP works. What more do they need?

Now you can even pick and choose which parts you want 
to look and feel like W7. Try it!

If you are beyond the 30 day grace period, you can try 
Classic Shell from Classic Shell
and just change the look and feel back to W7.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

-------
From Charles M
Hi Webby,
You are the man again - I restored my tablet, using the 
website instructions : having coffee while it did the job 
automatically.
A big "Thank You "
Charles

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Bambi, the pert young yuppie, filled her gas tank at a self service
station. After she had paid and driven away, she realized she'd
left the gas cap on top of her car. "Ooopsie," she said as she
stopped and looked.  Sure enough, it was lost.

Mustering all her mental abilities she thought for a few minutes.

"Surely I'm not the only young, beautiful woman to have done this,"
she muttered to herself.  "Others must have done the same thing. 
Maybe if I drive back the way I came, I'll find a gas
cap that will fit, or maybe even the one I lost."

Bambi drove back down the street and sure enough, she found a
gas cap laying by the side of the road.  She tried it on, and it
went into place with a satisfying "click."

"WOW, this is SO COOL", Bambi said to no one in particular.
"I lost my gas cap, but found one that fits.  It's even better
than my old one because this one automatically LOCKS!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Leftover Mashed Potato Waffles

These are my favourite things to make after Thanksgiving, 
Christmas, or any time I have an abundance of leftover 
mashed potatoes. These waffles are creamy in the middle 
and crispy on the outside; perfect for breakfast with 
some eggs or just on their own. Definitely a fun twist 
on a leftover item.
Approximate Time: 15 minutes
Yield: 4 waffles
Ingredients:
1 Tbsp oil
1/4 cup milk
2 eggs
2 1/2 cup leftover mashed potatoes
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 slice cooked and crumbled bacon (optional)
 
Steps:
Whisk together oil, milk and eggs.
Leftover Mashed Potato WafflesLeftover Mashed Potato Waffles
Stir in the mashed potatoes*, cheese, and bacon (if you're 
using it) until well combined.

In another bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder 
and baking soda. Fold the flour mixture into the potato 
mixture until it's well combined.

Scoop the mixture into greased waffle maker, spreading 
it into an even layer. Bake until golden brown and the 
egg is cooked fully, a few minutes.

Open and check to see if you've reached desired browning. 
My waffle maker is temperamental; I have to flip my waffles 
over to get them crunchy.

Serve with eggs or on their own. I like them with a hit of 
sour cream (my husband likes his with ketchup and hot sauce). 
So yummy!

*Depending on the consistency of the leftover mashed 
potatoes you're using, you might need to either add a bit 
more milk (if they're too dry), or a bit more flour 
(if they're wet).
By attosa [142]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the
department staff be supplied broken down by age and sex.
The personnel office sent this reply -
"Attached is a list of our staff.  We currently have no one broken
down by age and sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

___________________________________________________


 Wine opener


____________________________________________________

A woman, whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in
added pounds - and girth -was being shown a Jeep by a
salesman at an auto dealership.

When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to
close with the typical line,
"Now what would it take to get you into one of these?"

Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied,
"Probably a forklift."

____________________________________________________

Jeff's mother-in-law uses curlers in her hair after she washes it.
She came into the Family Room as he was watching TV. It
seems hestared at her funny because she said,
"I just set my hair."

While we remember the ruckus that followed, the last thing 
he remembers is saying:
"Oh, really? At what time is it set go off?"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
When you've made your brother mad at you and he's 
pouring water on you from the top bunk, if it's warm, 
you might want to double check exactly where it's coming from

Noella
____________________________________________________





Wow! What I could do with just the interest on all this money!





Today, December 3, in
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was 
 eventually put to death for the 33 charges. 
1835 In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance 
 Company issued the first fire insurance policy. 
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the 
 Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist 
 Georges Claude. 
1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20 years 
 of planning and construction. The bridge suffered partial 
 collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September 11). 
1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time. 
1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire" 
 opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater. 
1948 The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House 
 Un-American Activities Committee announced that former 
 Communist spy Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm 
 of secret documents hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm. 
1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by 
 Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart 
 transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived 
 18 days. 
1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of 
 Jupiter. The first outer-planetary probe had been launched 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972. 
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center 
 removed the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist 
 had become the world's first recipient of a permanent 
 artificial heart only one day before. 
1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed 
 after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide 
 plant. The plant was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary. 
1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna, 
 Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil. 
1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be 
 limiting her public appearances because she was tired of 
 the media's intrusions into her life.
1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a 
 cease-fire in their 18-year war. 
1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to 
 release hundreds of UN peacekeepers. 
1995 Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested 
 for his role in a 1979 coup. 
1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were represented 
to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and production of anti-
personnel land mines. The United States, China and Russia did 
not sign the treaty. 
1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International 
 Monetary Fund to bailout its economy. 
1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the 
 Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French 
 Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands. 
1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day 
 meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new 
 round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests 
 by various groups, that caused $2 Billion in damage, without
 anybody finding out what the protesters wanted.
1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it 
 entered Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned. 
2010 The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth successfully after its 
 first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Go back to Windows 7 

Wednesday, December 2, 2015, 11:00 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 2

Thank you, Frank for your Assumption Abbey Christmas Cake!
I will keep it cool until Christmas. Promise!
I won't open the box until the Christmas tree is up and lit.




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Mississippi man is accused in Louisiana of 
killing his father and stabbing his mother because they 
ordered fast food and didn't get any for him.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 2, in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France in Paris.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. 
No dignity, no learning, no force of character, 
can make any stand against good wit.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Doc Smith placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf
female patient's anterior chest wall. 
"Big breaths," he instructed her.

"Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient.

______________________________________________________

Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father for
another,how many dollars would you have.

Little Johnny: "I would have $1.00!"

Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic."

Little Johnny: "You don't know my father!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:


Lutheran Church Freistadt MO
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Moe

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Ronald Pritchett,
19,
Huron,
California



Mississippi man is accused in Louisiana of 
killing his father and stabbing his mother because they 
ordered fast food and didn't get any for him

Jefferson Parish spokesman John Fortunato said Ronald 
Pritchett, 32, faces charges of second-degree murder, 
attempted second-degree murder and auto theft.

Sheriff Danny Rigel, of Lamar County, Mississippi, said 
Pritchett was arrested Thursday at a relative's home near 
the town of Purvis and has waived extradition to Louisiana.

Fortunato said Percival Pritchett, 58, and his wife, 
Renitta Pritchett, 57, were stabbed Wednesday at their 
home in unincorporated Gretna.

University Medical Center spokeswoman Aleis Tusa said 
Renitta Pritchett was released after treatment.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Shirley
Re: Go back to Windows 7
Dear Webby,
Don't know if you can help me or not. I upgraded to Windows 10 
and now can't find all of my favorites that I had saved so 
that I could just click on the yellow star and the list would 
show up and I could click on what I was looking for. I saw 
the yellow star once and have not been able to find it again. 
The task bar also does not show up. Can I uninstall Windows 10 
and go back to Windows 7?
Thank you
Shirley

Dear Shirley
If you have changed to Windows 10 less than a month ago, 
then you can go back to Windows 7.
Just follow the instructions at
UNinstall W10


If you are beyond the 30 day grace period, you can try 
Classic Shell from Classic Shell
and just change the look and feel back to W7.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Dear Webby,
Thank you so much, Webby. I was able to reinstall Windows 7. 
Is working perfectly. 
Shirley

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A keynote speaker at a convention came to the podium,
shuffled his notes, scanned his audience to make eye
contact, and said, thoughtfully:
"Where to begin? Where to begin?"

A voice in the crowded hall yelled:
"As close to the end as possible!!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Streak Free Hardwood Floors

I moved into a house where I have real hardwood floors. 
My old house had laminate and I've tried everything a steam 
mop, a steam vacuum mop, the regular mop by hand method, and 
I always had streaky laminate floors. With the new house and 
hardwood, which is about 11 years old, I was determined to 
find a way to have streak free floors. I have tried many 
combinations of natural solutions different mops and always 
end up non-streak free but today I realize there's only one 
solution to the problem no matter what cleaning products you 
want to use.

The first step is to vacuum or sweep. Then fill a bucket 
1/4 full, with; 
warm water
1 cup white vinegar
3 drops "drops" of dish soap, 

drop the soap into still water to avoid suds
Next, using a mop start with a small section. Here's 
the trick, immediately throw an absorbent clean towl 
down and using the mop wipe the floor dry. Continue in 
sections. Remember you may have to get extra towels as 
they get too damp. The problem that we're having with 
the streaks is the water is drying in place and leaving 
a watermark, so if you wipe the excess water immediately 
ya got a beautiful shine.
By Justjenn [1]

Too tedious for me.
I use hot water and a squirt of dish soap, and a heavy
string mop. Square tip, not the cutesy yacht mop tip.
After sweeping with a Microfiber dustmop, 
I dunk the wet mop and squeeze excess water out, 
and mop the floor.
Since it is only damp, not sloppy after I squeezed it,
it does not leave streaks.

If your dish soap does not leave streaks on glasses,
then it won't leave streaks after damp mopping.

The only challenge is to find the heavy, thick yarn,
square tipped wet mops unless you go to a janitorial supply
store. Yep, that is what the professionals use.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island
for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view,
and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's
attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor
gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the
sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?"
"Well, that's my house there."

"What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.

"I built that hut to be my church."

"What about the other hut?"

"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

___________________________________________________


 you can't fix stupid


____________________________________________________

After the lecture, the speaker invited questions from the
floor. "I'll hear first from the blonde lady in the front
row," he announced but there was no response. Finally
realizing all eyes were on her, the blonde lady spoke up.

"I didn't know you meant me. I've only been a blonde since
yesterday."

____________________________________________________

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat  themselves,
and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind
them ignores their conversation at first,  but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of the  men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they a come a
together. I come again. Two asses, they come a together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In
this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola da down lady," said the man. Imma just tella my
friend, da bishop, how to spella Mississippi."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
When you've made your brother mad at you and he's 
pouring water on you from the top bunk, if it's warm, 
you might want to double check exactly where it's coming from

Noella
____________________________________________________





10 Strange facts about animals that some of us didn't know.





Today, December 2, in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France in Paris. 
1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine opposing 
 European expansion in the Western Hemisphere. 
1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first razor 
 to feature a permanent handle and disposable double-edge razor 
 blades. 
1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the 
 eastern front. 
1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile. It 
 was the successor to the Model T. 
1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations
1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated 
 by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the University of Chicago. 
1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy for 
 what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate into 
 dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to McCarthy's 
 controversial investigation of suspected communists in the U.S. 
 government, military and civilian society. 
1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally broadcast 
 speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he was going to 
 lead Cuba to communism. 
1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as 
 191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most of 
 the passengers were reporters and photographers. 
1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations. 
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent 
 artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney Clark. 
 He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was the first 
 of its kind. 
1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of Pakistan. 
1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India. 
1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive 
 earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. Nothing happened.
1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to fix 
 the Hubble Space Telescope. 
1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of allegedly 
 fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was made with GM 
 under which the company would spend more than $51 million on 
 safety and research. 
1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1 billion dollar 
 mission intended to study the sun. 
1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million to help 
 immunize children in developing countries. 
1999 The British government transferred political power over the 
 province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland Executive. 
2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The filing came 
 five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4 billion buyout. It 
 was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 
2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life form. 
2015  smiled.

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---

How to send a fax from the computer 

Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 11:21 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 1




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Burglar Stuck In Chimney Dies After Homeowner Lights Fire
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 1, in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of 
 fairy tales. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Chateau Miaou
According to the Journal of Medicine in 1985, five times more
money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on
Alzheimer's research.  It follows that in 30 years (from 1985)
there will be great numbers of people walking around with huge 
breasts and erections unable to remember what to do with them.

______________________________________________________

Chicago Sun-Times, reported the following:
''News Item: Psychiatrists explore ways to treat Jerusalem
Syndrome, in which as many as 1 in 100 pilgrims to Jerusalem
imagine they are biblical figures, dress up in hotel bedsheets,
sing psalms at the top of their lungs and preach to passersby..

Psychiatrists want to take all the fun out of being a pilgrim.''

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Moe

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by


Cody CALDWELL,
19,
Huron,
California



Burglar Stuck In Chimney 
Dies After Homeowner Lights Fire

A suspected burglar broke into a home in Fresno County, California,
but was never actually able to leave. The man ended up getting 
stuck in the chimney of the home and then died on Saturday 
afternoon after the unsuspecting homeowner lit a fire.

According to Fox News, the homeowner had no idea that a burglar, 
or anyone for that matter, was in his chimney.

On Friday night, the burglar climbed up to the top of the top 
of a home in the city of Huron, California. He then lowered 
himself into the chimney in hopes of entering the home and
robbing it of its belongings, but things didn’t go so well 
from there.

The burglar ended up getting stuck in the chimney and just 
stayed there. On Saturday afternoon, the homeowner went to 
light a fire in his fireplace, but had no idea that anyone 
was actually stuck in the chimney.

Just before 3 p.m. on Saturday, the homeowner heard the 
burglar scream from inside the chimney shortly after the 
fire was lit. He immediately worked at putting the fire 
out and it caused the home to fill up with smoke.

Yahoo News reported that while the home was filling up with 
smoke, the homeowners contacted the authorities to let them 
know of the situation. They continued to try to put the fire 
out while waiting for firefighters to arrive.

Cal Fire – Fresno County arrived on the scene at the home on 
the 16000 block of W. Gale Ave just about 10 minutes after 
the initial call. The suspect in the chimney was said to 
apparently still be breathing and moving while stuck inside 
of the chimney.

Firefighters began tearing apart the chimney to get the 
burglar out of the chimney and after a short while, they 
were able to remove him. While attempting to rescue the man, 
they soon discovered that he was dead.

A preliminary investigation done by the police show that no 
wrongdoing was done by the homeowner. No one within the home 
had any idea that someone was in the chimney at the time 
they lit the fire as the suspect had crawled into it overnight 
in an attempt to rob the home.

The suspect’s body was removed from the scene in Fresno County, 
California, by the Coroner’s Office. An autopsy is going to 
be performed to identity not only the cause and exact manner 
of death, but also his identity.



______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Irene
Re: How to send a Fax 
Dear Webby,
I used to send faxes from my laptop for many years.
Then suddenly it stopped. What can I do to send the 
occasional fax? I got W7, and the laptop is kinda ancient.
Thanks
Ireme

Dear Irene
There could be many reasons, from bad connection to
hardware to Windows settings. Enough for a small book.
I am in the same predicament. My laptop is probably older
than you are, and I don't have the time to sort out all
Windows problems, that could interfere with faxing.

Since there are alot of people like us around, there are 
also a number of companies on the web, who will fax for us.
Here are some:
https://www.efax.ca
https://www.efax.com

They are free for the first month, $16.50 after that
You get a fax number, that you can put on your site or 
your stationery.

Then there is 
http://www.bestfreefax.com/

Fax for  free, receive for $3.95 a month. 
You get a  fax number  too, that you can use.

With services like that just a click away, there is no point
buying a fax machine for occasional faxing or to spend a lot
of time messing with the  Windows Fax.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?"

I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him,
"Are there any Mexican Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went
into  the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said,
"No, sir. No Mexican Jews."

 "Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the
kitchen.

 While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are
no Jews  in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

 When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews."

 "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there
are no Mexican Jews."

 "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated.
"We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape
Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Best Brownies

As easy as a mix, but much better!
Approximate Time: 25 min prep; 30 min bake
Yield: 1 8-inch square pan
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract (I always use vanilla paste, for more flavor)
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking powder

Steps:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease and flour an 8-inch square baking pan. I used this 
recipe for my brownie bowls (recipe submitted separately), 
so I greased and floured muffin tins.
In microwave, melt butter.

Stir in the sugar, eggs and vanilla.
Beat in the cocoa, flour, salt and baking powder.

Spread the batter into the pan (I put the batter into 
the muffin tins).
Bake 25-30 minutes. Do not overcook.
Source: adapted from allrecipes.com
By Judy Pariser S. [39]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Little Harold was practing the violin in the living room while his
father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in
the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin
reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.
Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled
above the noise,
"For Pete's sake. can't you play something the dog doesn't
know?!"
___________________________________________________


epic cat fight


____________________________________________________

Two elderly women were trying on shoes in a store. When Joe
slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of his tie got
caught beneath her heel. Unaware of his predicament, she
stood up and started toward the mirror.

For a few seconds, Joe was crawling along the floor beside
her, trying to get her attention.

"Look, Martha," her friend said.
"He wants to go home with you!"

____________________________________________________

Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains from
Luisiana, who had been friends for years, would always cry,
"Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each
other.

A new crewman asked his captain, "Hey, Pierre, why you do
dat?"

The captain looked surprised and replied, "Sacri Bleu, you
dumb Cajun, your mother not read ta bible to you? You never
hear of  'an aye for an aye an a toot for a toot' ?"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Gaslight Square in St. Louis was a thriving entertainment 
district known for gas lit street lamps and a jazzy sound. 
Entertainers like the Smothers Brothers, Barbra Streisand, 
Woody Allen and Miles Davis gained exposure there at the 
start of their careers. While the district was well known 
for its night clubs, there was a little coffee house just 
around the corner called The Exit - a play on words of 
the title of Jean-Paul Sartre's book, No Exit. 

The coffee house had an open mike and anybody could say 
anything, read anything, and they did. During the day, 
I worked with the guy who ran the place. He asked me to 
volunteer waiting tables for one night, I said I would. 

Now the decor was dark - everything was dark burgundy and 
black. At nightthe only lighting was a small candle at each 
table. My job was to take orders for drinks (coffee, tea, 
juice, etc.) I think it was my second table that I approached 
with a glass of water and ice. I sat the glass down and before 
I could ask for their order, I heard a cry - coming from MY 
table. Seems that since I really couldn't see the table, I'd 
set the glass on the edge and it'd tipped over onto the 
lady's lap.

The rest of my volunteering that night was upstairs typing 
papers.

Noella
____________________________________________________





Whew! I'm so glad I don't have to drive any of these roads!





Today, December 1, in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales. 
1909 The Pennsylvania Trust Company, of Carlisle, PA, became the 
 first bank in the in the U.S. to offer a Christmas Club account. 
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that 
 ushered in the era of mass production. 
1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, 
 in Pittsburgh, PA. 
1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World War I 
 protagonists. 
1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was 
 assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters. 
1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April 
 1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction of 
 the Army Air Forces. 
1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect. 
1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful 
 sex-change operation had been performed. 
1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused 
 to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested 
 marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S. 
1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty 
 that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would 
 be free from military activity. 
1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began. 
1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since WWII. 
1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately 
 crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame 
 fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan said he would welcome an 
 investigation of the Iran-Contra affair if it were recommended 
 by the Justice Department. 
1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the 
 United Kingdom and France. 
1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts to 
 help build a space station. The companies were Boeing Aerospace, 
 G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas Aeronautics, 
 and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International. 
1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful 
 coup against Corazon Aquino's government. 
1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's 
 constitutional guarantee of supremacy. 
1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel finally 
 met under the English Channel. 
1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the 
 Soviet Union. 
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment 
 attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress. 
1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the 
 124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 
1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion 
 creating the largest company in the world to date. 
2013 Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on 
 "60 Minutes." The services was planned to use unmanned aerial 
 vehicles to deliver packages to customers. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Link for ExtraKeys 

Monday, November 30, 2015, 10:41 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 30




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man,who was arrested and didn't remember driving 
SUV off showroom floor, through glass doors
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 30, in
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an 
 army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King 
 Charles XII died on this day. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
--- Jane Caminos

Some people like my advice so much that they
frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
--- Gordon R. Dickson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing at the lake.
One said to the other,
"Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"

______________________________________________________

Just after the maid had been fired, she took some steaks from
the fridge and threw them to Fido, the family dog with the words:
"Thanks, Fido. I never forget a friend. This was for doing the
dishes for me every day!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Vantice Beshears,
46,
Ocala,
Florida



Arrested man didn't remember driving SUV off 
showroom floor, through glass doors

A man arrested Thursday told police he did not remember 
going to Honda of Ocala and taking two large screen 
television sets and putting them in a SUV on the showroom 
floor, driving through double glass doors, driving into 
another vehicle or abandoning the vehicle at the entrance 
of a subdivision.

Vantice L. Beshears, 46, faces six charges, including grand 
theft over $20,000 and commercial burglary. He remained at 
the Marion County Jail on Friday, with his bond totaling 
$23,500.

Early Thursday, Ocala Police Department Officer Ashley 
Stinehour was told that a black 2014 Toyota 4-Runner had 
been involved in a hit-and-run crash in the 2800 block of 
Southeast 31st Street and had pulled into the Devonshire 
subdivision.

Stinehour found the sport utility vehicle parked just 
outside the subdivision’s front gate. The lights of the 
vehicle were flashing as if someone was using a remote 
to lock the doors. The officer saw Beshears walking on the 
opposite side of the entrance and called out to him.

At first, Beshears ignored Stinehour, bur then walked over 
to her. Beshears, who appeared intoxicated and had a bottle 
of Aleve in his hand, told the officer he was visiting a 
friend, but could not give a name or address, according to 
an OPD report.

Stinehour, joined by other officers, discovered there were 
warrants from Marion and Lake counties for Beshears' arrest 
and he was taken into custody. He was first taken to a hospital 
for an evaluation but became aggressive and was taken instead 
to the jail.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: a few
Re: Link to Extra characters not working
Dear Webby,
When I tried that link, I got the response, 
"that link is not valid." 
Is there a different link available?

Dear 
Yes, there is.  Try
http://www.deeproot.co.uk/extrakeys.html

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence,
 try ordering somebody else's dog around.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Coffee Maker for Soft Boiled Eggs

I use my coffee maker to cook egg. I put the egg 
at the bottom, water and turn on. Since water does 
not boils, eggs are kept softer. My coffee maker 
takes about 15 to 20 minutes. You just have to 
figure out how long it takes to get your eggs 
the way you like.
By zelda [3]

You will probably have to use an old-fashioned 
percolator type coffee maker with the coffee tower
pulled out. 

If you use a camp fire or stove top percolator,
use plenty of water, bring the water with the eggs in it
to a rapid boil, and move it off the fire. The eggs
will cook themselves in about 5 minutes. Rinse in the
creek or lake, and peel immediately.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking
a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside
with the dome light on. There was a young man in the
driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady
in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.

He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young
man looked up, cranked the window down, and said,
"Yes, officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.

"I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the
officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"

"She's knitting."

"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.

"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.


The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about
twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."

___________________________________________________


funny baptisms


____________________________________________________

Jake and Paul are two old retired widowers who reside close to
each other and do constant welfare checks on each other.

One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Paul opens the
morning paper and turns to the Obits page.

He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the
column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local
newspaper several months earlier was in preparation for this
event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their
database, premature and erroneous..

It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up.
"Jake, are you up yet?"
Jake sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my
coffee."
"Jake. open the newspaper to page 31."

The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause
ensues. Finally, Jake comes on the line quietly and fearfully,

"So Paul, where are you calling me from right now?"

____________________________________________________

Where is THAT hospital ? I think I have a fever.

While making her rounds, the Head Nurse noticed a young
female patient missing. Pressing the intercom, she said
"Lori, where's the patient in 340?"
"Oh!" came the reply. "Well... she was complaining of
severe chills, so I put her in bed with Mr. Johnson in 328
who was running a high fever."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Thanks to James:
So this guy's blunder was in just waiting too long!

When they were kids he and his brother fought constantly. 
Dad would come home and pictures were rearranged, coats 
were hung in weird places around the room - to cover up 
holes knocked into the walls.

They'd just gotten boxing gloves and were battling it out. 
James knocked his brother into the closet, but he didn't 
come back out. After about five minutes, James got worried 
that maybe he'd really hurt his brother. He walked over to 
the closet and slowly parted the clothes and out came a fist - 
right into his mouth. And THAT's how he got that chipped 
tooth.
True story
James

Noella
____________________________________________________





Whew! I'm so glad I don't have to drive any of these roads!





Today, November 30, in
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an 
 army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King 
 Charles XII died on this day. 
1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace 
 articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War. 
1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France. 
1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz Mexico 
 declared war on France. 
1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and 
 destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope. 
1858 John Landis Mason received a patent for the first pepper 
 shaker with a screw-on cap. 
1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine. 
1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its 
 first commercial exhibition. 
1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire. 
 The structure had been constructed for the International 
 Exhibition of 1851. 
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet 
 troops invaded Finland. 
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking. 
1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a 
 meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock 
 weighed 8½-pounds. 
1956 CBS replayed the program "Douglas Edward and the News" 
 three hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was 
 the world's first broadcast via videotape. 
1966 The former British colony of Barbados became independent. 
1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S. President 
 Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired national security 
 staffer Oliver North as a "national hero." 
1988 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco Inc. 
 with a bid of $24.53 billion. 
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill. The 
 bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases 
 and background checks of prospective buyers. 
1995 President Clinton became the first U.S. chief executive 
 to visit Northern Ireland. 
1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire Bankers 
 Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's largest 
 financial institution. 
2001 For the first time in it's history, McDonald's teamed up 
 with a retail partner on its Happy Meal promotions. Toys R Us 
 provided plush figures from it's Animal Alley. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Extra characters 

Sunday, November 29, 2015, 11:04 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 29




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Mexican delegate to dope laws reform conference charged 
with possession of bath salts after he was found naked 
in a flower bed
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 29, in
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a 
 militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 
 400 peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had 
 surrendered, given up all their weapons and had been 
 given orders to camp there.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
At the worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived.
--- Dame Rose Macaulay (1881 - 1958)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is
looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that
has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all
over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that
has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't
understand your paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

"You should try some Tums and eat properly!"

______________________________________________________

One nun is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the
other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from
the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following
us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I
wonder what he wants?

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15
minutes at the most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the
only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach
us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You
go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow
us both.

So, the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then
Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me
what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't
follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then??
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to
run as fast as I could and he started to run as
fast as he could.

SM: And??

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress
up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down
his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress
up can run a lot faster than a man with his pants
down!

(...And, for those of you who thought it would be
dirty, say two Hail Mary's...! )

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:


Icy park
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Hector Anaya Segura,
29,
in jail in Arlington,
Virginia



Mexican delegate to dope laws reform conference charged 
with possession of bath salts after he was found naked 
in a flower bed

A man visiting the Washington, D.C. area for a conference 
on drug reforms was charged with possession of the drug 
bath salts after police found him completely naked in a 
flower bed, police sources told News4.

Police took 29-year-old Hector Anaya Segura into custody 
after responding to a call for a naked man in a flower 
bed on Crystal Drive in the Crystal City neighborhood 
of Arlington, Virginia, just after midnight Sunday.

Segura was sweating profusely, screaming profanities and 
began pounding on a police cruiser, sources said.
Officers attempted to subdue him without violence, then 
used a Taser unsuccessfully, sources said. A Taser was 
used again after the first attempt seemed to have no 
effect.

Segura, a Mexican citizen, was in town for the 2015 
International Drug Policy Reform Conference at the 
Crystal Gateway Marriott. The event brings together 
people who think the war on drugs does more harm than good.
Segura also is charged with disorderly conduct.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Jessica
Re: Extra characters
Dear Webby,
You mentioned a program once for all the odd keys and symbols
like 3/4 and micro, etc. I didn't need it then, so I didn't
download it. Can you please give me the link again?
Thanks
Jessica

Dear Jessica
ExtraKeys is at 
www.deeproot.co.uk/extrakeys.html
It is free.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an
embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when
my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher
replied.

"It's not a reflection on you, sir," she insisted.
"Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was
a child."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mexican Black Beans

This simple yet scrumptious side dish, and will be you're 
new pal for when you're in pinch and need something easy : )
Approximate Time: 1 hour 10 minutes
Yield: A lot!

Ingredients:
2 cups dried black beans
4 cups water
Queso Fresco cheese
Ortega hot sauce
1 Tbsp salt (plus salt to taste)

Steps:
Bring water to a boil.
Mexican Black Beans
Then pour in beans, along with salt. Cook for one hour 
or until tender.
When beans are done, strain out all of the water with a 
strainer. Then mash beans with whatever will do the job 
(Note: You do not have to mash them all the way).
And that's all! Just top with the cheese and hot sauce, 
plus salt and you're all set! Enjoy : )
Mexican Black Beans
By luciere100 [14]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A group of women were talking together.  One woman
said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40
on a Sunday."

Another said,  "That's nothing.  Sometimes our congregation
is down to six or seven."

A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "Why, it's
so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister
says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush."

___________________________________________________


Tim Hawkins - Old Rock Stars


____________________________________________________

The FORCE
The force is like Duct Tape -
it has a dark side, it has a light side,
and it binds the universe together!

____________________________________________________

If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbor
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
Then the right way to spell POTATO should be:
GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
I'd like for all you guys to think that I'm not a total klutz, 
but sometimes even I wonder.

So I tried to lick an envelope the other day for a Christmas 
card, and it wouldn't seal. It was a brand new envelope too.
It was about then that I noticed the strip to peel off.

Noella
____________________________________________________





The fall leaves are absolutely breathtaking from this ancient Ginkgo tree in China.





Today, November 29, in
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a 
 militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 
 400 peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had 
 surrendered, given up all their weapons and had been 
 given orders to camp there. 
1892 A patent was issued to Almon Brown Strowger for the 
 rotary dial instrument. 
1929 The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made 
 by U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd. 
1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland 
 prior to a Soviet attack, after which Finland asked germany 
 for military help. When WWII was almost over and it was
 quite obvious that the Allies would win, Finland switched 
 sides and told germany to leave.
1945 The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic 
 proclaimed. 
1947 The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that called 
 for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews. 
1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S. 
 with Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth twice 
 before landing off Puerto Rico. 
1963 A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and 7 crew 
 members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes after 
 takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed.
1963 U.S. President Johnson named a commission headed by Earl 
 Warren to investigate the assassination of President Kennedy. 
1967 U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara announced 
 that he was leaving the Johnson administration to become 
 president of the World Bank. 
1974 In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican Army 
 became effective. 
1975 Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company he 
 and Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer language 
 for the Altair. 
1982 The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union should 
 withdraw its troops from Afghanistan. At that time the CIA was
 training and arming the Taliban aganst the Russians and the Afghan
 government.
1986 Actor Cary Grant died at the age of 82. 
1987 A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115 people. 
1987 Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding for
 more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in Oakdale, LA. 
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal 
 defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail to 
 preserve potentially vital evidence. 
1989 In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended the 
 party's 40-year monopoly on power. 
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military action 
 if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and release all 
 foreign hostages by January 15, 1991. 
1991 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a dust 
 storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5.
1994 Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its airport 
 only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin demanded the 
 breakaway republic end its civil war. 
1996 A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen 
 Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre of 
 1,200 Muslims. The sentence was the first international war crimes 
 sentence since World War II. 
1998 Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin and 
 other narcotics. 
2008 In China, construction on the Shanghai Tower began. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Why would Verizon switch to AOL 

Saturday, November 28, 2015, 08:49 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 28




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NJ woman charged with filing false report
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 27, in
1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American 
 strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first 
 European to sail the Pacific from the east. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, 
sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
--- Al Capp (1909 - 1979) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW
arguing about who'd had the tougher career.
"I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly,
"and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot
camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the
bloodsoaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy
machine gun nest with a single grenade.
"As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General
MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch
all the way up to the Chinese border.
"Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat
tours in Vietnam and survived."

"Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand,
"just shore duty, huh?"

And the fight was on.

______________________________________________________

This one is long, but several people have asked for it,
so here it is again:

REDNECK TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

1. If you take beer to a job interview, bring some for the
interviewer too..
2. If they are not wearing a game warden's uniform, try to
identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the
sheets.
5. Don't use the dead fridges in your front yard for
sighting in your guns. They are too close. Use your
neighbor's fridges for that.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the bouquet 
of the wine.

2) Except at the drive in it's considered fashionable to
take the bottle out of the paper bag.
3. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. For table centerpieces stuffed animals are a lot nicer than roadkill..
2. Do not allow the dog to sit on the table...he should sit
 on a chair or milk crate like everybody else
3) The chair with the most legs is for visitors.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
 that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a
waste of beer money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingers is a social no-no, as
they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the
taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If
the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to
get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they can't hear you.
3) No matter how real a game warden looks on the screen,
don't shoot in the movie. It gives the person in front of
you a terrible ear ache.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, is a poor choice for a wedding gift, unless it
is yours.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
a cummerbund and a bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for
this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using duct tape. Use pantyhose
instead.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially
when driving.
6. Do not shoot any game while traveling in a funeral
procession.
7. It's OK to put the beer in the air-conditioned hearse,
but it is tacky to strap the coprse on the roof to make more
room for more beer.

______________________________________________________



Moon by Kenny Rogers, published on FaceBook
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Hayley Oates
25,
Wayne,
NJ
photo courtesy of Wayne police


NJ woman charged with filing false report

A Morris County woman allegedly made a false 911 call in 
order to divert police away from the bar where she and a 
friend were drinking so they could leave and not be caught 
driving drunk.

Police said that Hayley Oates, 25, posted on social media 
after she called 911: 
“lmao.. 2 mins later the cop peals out..silly piggies tricks 
r for u,” 

Oates was arrested Thursday and charged with filing false 
reports to law enforcement and creating a false public alarm, 
Martin said. She was released pending a court appearance.

Martin called Oates’ alleged actions “inexcusable and 
reprehensible behavior,” and said police officers place 
themselves in harm’s way daily responding to real events.

Officer Gregory Halligan and Sgt. Donald Davidson were 
dispatched to Mother's Ale House around 3:15 a.m. Monday 
morning after the department received a 911 call reporting 
“a female being attacked in the parking lot.” The caller 
told the dispatcher that the suspect was in a blue pickup 
truck before abruptly hanging up.

The officers raced to the bar with their lights and sirens 
activated and found no evidence of an assault and no witnesses, 
Martin said. The surveillance cameras in the area did not pick 
up any assault.

Detective Sgt. Robert Simpson and Detective Dave Collins 
determined that Oates allegedly made the fake call to draw 
officers to Mother’s Ale House while she and an unidentified 
man could leave the Grasshopper Too without being stopped 
for driving under the influence, Martin said.

Martin noted that Paramus Police Officer Vincent Brock died 
in a 1993 car crash responding to a prank 911 call about 
a shooting.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Hester
Re: Why would Verizon switch to AOL
Dear Webby,
I know all of Verizon's users always bitch and complain 
about them, but somehow they still stay with Verizon.
That is the total opposite of AOL. People bitch and 
complain about AOL users, but those are always defensive
and 100% loyal to AOL, no matter how bad a name AOL has.
Why would anybody want to mix those two?
Hester

Dear Hester
Verizon wanted the AOL customer list, like Times-Warner
did, before they spit them out again. 

Verizon has already backtracked about forcing their users
to switch to AOL adresses. I guess some of them threatened 
dire consequences.
Next might be an option to use Thunderbird instead of the
AOL mail interface. Since Verizon makes more money from 
texting, AOL Instant Messenger will probably be phased 
out by summer. 

It will be more fun to  watch from a safe distance, than
to be a victim of either of those giants.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against
one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten
seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the
previous distance apart.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked,
"When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said: "Never."

The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time."

The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be
close enough for all practical purposes."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Best Bacon Brussels Sprouts

The reason why the word "best" is in the recipe is because 
this dish always converts the brussels sprouts naysayers 
by first bite. Deconstructing the sprout by serving it in 
loose leaf form helps those who compare the little vegetable 
to "mushy alien heads." Mushy alien heads? Yes! That's what 
I called them for 28 years! Now, cooked properly, I absolutely 
adore them. And guess what? This recipe has only three 
ingredients and takes 10 minutes to make. I have served this 
at Thanksgiving dinner numerous times and even the little 
ones loved it. Give it a shot!
Approximate Time: 10 minutes
Yield: 4 sides
Ingredients:
6 large brussels sprouts (or 8 mediums)
2 strips of bacon
5 walnuts
salt, pepper, and optional sprinkle of sugar to taste
Best Bacon Brussels Sprouts
 
Steps:
Cut little cone/triangle shapes from the bottoms of the sprouts.
Pull off the individual leaves off sprouts and collect in bowl/plate.
Chop bacon into tiny cubes and render in a pan on medium heat 
until crispy.
Remove bacon from pan and let rest on paper towel. Leave bacon 
drippings in pan and add brussels sprouts leaves. Cook for 
about 5 minutes.
If you like your brussels sprouts on the softer, more wilted 
side, add a teaspoon of water to the pan and cover with lid, 
cook for an extra minute. I like mine crispy so I don't 
really do this ;)
Chop nuts and add to sprouts. Stir well, add bacon back in. 
Season with salt and pepper to taste. You wont need much 
because of the bacon. Sprinkle in a tiny bit of sugar to 
pull out the caramelized notes, if you like. I do! 
Serve up and enjoy!

By attosa [139]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite.
Four  children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly
unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to
gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the
camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to
the youngsters' father,
"That, sir, is some awesome display of teamwork !
What's your system ?"

The father replied,
"It's quite simple: No one goes to the bathroom until the camp
is set up."

___________________________________________________


Every scene leaves you wanting to see more


____________________________________________________

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group
of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I
have some good news and some bad news. First, the good.
Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.'

With this the platoon cheered, as Private Peters was a bit
overweight and quite slow.

But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the
bad news. Private Peters will be my driver in my new jeep ."

____________________________________________________
(Read this one out loud)
Miss Addy  asked Johnnie why he was late.

You see, at the ranch this here coyote
it ate six hens and killed the goat.
And last night when Pa heard a noise out in the chicken pen,
he grabbed his gun and said, "That coyote's back again!
Stay back, he told all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!
He was naked as a jaybird- no pants, no boots, no shirt!
To the henhouse there he crawled, like an Injun on the snoop.
Then he stuck that double barrel, through the window of the coop.
As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind,
Our ol' hound Zeke come asneakin'up behind.
And cold-nosed Pa without no warnin'.

We been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
One of the things that I liked to do when feeling a bit 
down was to get in my car and drive (gas was cheap back 
in the 70s). At the time I drove a small Opel Kadet and 
living in St. Louis, I could start out on I-70, and make 
connecting highways then drive the circle (about 70 miles) 
around the city. I’d take the circle once or twice and 
usually felt better. 

This particular night I decided to take I-40 west just to 
see where it went, I’d turn around and come back into the 
city when I tired. It was a little after midnight. Several 
miles out, I found a small road that I’d never seen before 
and I decided to explore it. I’d gone quite a few hundred 
yards down the road when it narrowed and I realized I was 
was a long driveway. At that point it was too far to back 
up, and there was no place to turn around, so I was forced 
to drive on and turn around when I got to the yard which 
was at the top of a hill. So late at night, I drove slowly 
up the hill, hoping to not disturb the people who lived 
there and was in the process of turning around to go back 
to the highway when out of the dark came at least five or 
six men. 

They rushed my car, pounded on the hood several times while 
at the same time hollering. I  was terrified! Luckily my 
windows were rolled up and the doors locked. One got close 
to my window and must have seen my fear in my face, because 
he immediately stopped and told the others to cool it. 

It seems that they were expecting a friend to stop by and 
they thought I was he. That cured me of driving down lonely 
dark roads at midnight. 

Noella
____________________________________________________





Who would have thought this dead tree could be so beautiful.





Today, November 28, in
1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American 
 strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first 
 European to sail the Pacific from the east. 
1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married. 
1922 Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the first 
 public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out, 
 "Hello USA. Call Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times Square. 
1925 The Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut on station WSM. 
1942 In Boston, MA, 491 people died in a fire that destroyed the 
 Coconut Grove. 
1958 The African nation of Chad became an autonomous republic 
 within the French community. 
1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral would 
 be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated predecessor. 
 The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in 1973 by a vote of 
 residents. 
1964 The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from Cape Kennedy 
 on a course set for Mars. 
1978 The Iranian government banned religious marches. 
1979 An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole crashed in 
 Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard. 
1983 The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9 Spacelab 
 in its cargo bay. 
1985 The Irish Senate approved the Anglo-Irish accord concerning 
 Northern Ireland. 
1987 A South African Airways Boeing 747 crashed into the Indian Ocean. 
 All 159 people aboard were killed. 
1990 Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain. 
1992 In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant gunmen 
 attacked a country club killing four people and injuring 20. 
1994 Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed to death 
 in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate. 
1994 Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill that 
 ended the federal 55 mph speed limit. 
2010 WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S. 
 diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or 
 "confidential." 
2015  smiled.

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---

Verizon > AOL 

Friday, November 27, 2015, 06:50 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!





With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee teacher, who was arrested for having sex with
a student half her age for about 5 months.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 27, in
1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive 
 an automobile through Central Park in New York City. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
A man's respect for law and order exists in precise 
relationship to the size of his paycheck.
--- Adam Clayton Powell Jr. (1908 - 1972)

"A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good,
but for neglecting his neighbor's."
--- Richard Whately

"When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging;
when my patrons serve it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive,
it's called hospitality."
--- Al Capone (1899-1947)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Sue has the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf!
All she has to do is mention it to her husband and he says,
"Let's eat out!"
______________________________________________________

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing
from the section through which the railroad passed. The
rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for
the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get
him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job,
and finally, even though the rancher insisted that a prize bull
was worth five times what an ordinary bull is worth, he agreed
to be satisfied with just half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check
and cashed it in at the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist
gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher,
"You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over
on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer
was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train
went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one single
witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied,
"Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about
winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home
this morning."
______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Serena Rae Milan
28,
Knoxville,
Tennessee



Tennessee teacher arrested on sex abuse charges

A Knox County teacher was arrested on sexual abuse charges 
involving a 14 year old student.

News outlets report 28-year-old Serena Rae Milan turned 
herself in to authorities Wednesday at the Roger D. Wilson 
Detention Facility. A presentment shows she faces multiple 
charges including statutory rape by an authority figure, 
solicitation of a minor, sexual exploitation of a minor 
and sexual activity involving a minor. She worked at 
Northwest Middle School and resigned in July.

The presentment alleges Milan repeatedly engaged in various 
sexual acts with a 14-year-old student from February to July.

In a statement, defense attorney Gregory Isaacs says Milan 
"intends to accept responsibility for her actions while a 
teacher in the Knox County Schools system."
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Walter, the Stonecarver
Re: Verizon > AOL
Dear Webby,
Tell the subscribers if they have a Verizon address,
they will need to convert it to an AOL address by spring.
Walter

Dear Walter
Considering the dumb stuff they are known for, it is not 
really a surprise.
Your link to Verizon Email explains it all.

There has been an update to that:
You can continue to use your Verizon address, 
but you have to register with AOL and use their email 
system.

Thanks to Walter for this alert!

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

One of my first evenings back from a business trip, my girl's
understanding parents left us alone in the living room.
Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I
noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the
top of the stairway.

I told her: "If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give
you a quarter."

Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but
soon was back again.
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Best Bacon Brussels Sprouts

The reason why the word "best" is in the recipe is because 
this dish always converts the brussels sprouts naysayers 
by first bite. Deconstructing the sprout by serving it in 
loose leaf form helps those who compare the little vegetable 
to "mushy alien heads." Mushy alien heads? Yes! That's what 
I called them for 28 years! Now, cooked properly, I absolutely 
adore them. And guess what? This recipe has only three 
ingredients and takes 10 minutes to make. I have served this 
at Thanksgiving dinner numerous times and even the little 
ones loved it. Give it a shot!
Approximate Time: 10 minutes
Yield: 4 sides
Ingredients:
6 large brussels sprouts (or 8 mediums)
2 strips of bacon
5 walnuts
salt, pepper, and optional sprinkle of sugar to taste
Best Bacon Brussels Sprouts
 
Steps:
Cut little cone/triangle shapes from the bottoms of the sprouts.
Pull off the individual leaves off sprouts and collect in bowl/plate.
Chop bacon into tiny cubes and render in a pan on medium heat 
until crispy.
Remove bacon from pan and let rest on paper towel. Leave bacon 
drippings in pan and add brussels sprouts leaves. Cook for 
about 5 minutes.
If you like your brussels sprouts on the softer, more wilted 
side, add a teaspoon of water to the pan and cover with lid, 
cook for an extra minute. I like mine crispy so I don't 
really do this ;)
Chop nuts and add to sprouts. Stir well, add bacon back in. 
Season with salt and pepper to taste. You wont need much 
because of the bacon. Sprinkle in a tiny bit of sugar to 
pull out the caramelized notes, if you like. I do! 
Serve up and enjoy!

By attosa [139]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

There was this bank where the employees went on strike
leaving the bank officers to do the teller's tasks. While
the strike was on, Jane called the bank, and asked
if they were open. They told her they had two windows open
upstairs in the office area.

Then Jane asked, . . . "I'm afraid of heights, couldn't you
just let me in though the back door?"

___________________________________________________


power like you've never seen!


____________________________________________________

The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the
defendant in this case?"

"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got a lawyer 
to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it."

____________________________________________________

Sam and Greg, two guys who both could play Santa without
having to use a pillow to ensure their circumference is close to
the same as their height, are in a pub.

Sam indicating his empty glass, says to Greg, "Your round."

Sam looks Greg in the eye and says, "So are you, Buddy !"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Thank you to Bonnie in Candia for her blunder:

Some years ago I was trying, to remove a label from a 
3-liter bottle of cola.  As I had done so many times before, 
I used a very sharp razor blade knife to carefully cut the 
label. Uh oh! Not careful enough. The bottle exploded. 
In my kitchen. All OVER my kitchen. Including an open 
silverware drawer. And the ceiling. The first thing I did 
was cry. Then I got busy. Real busy. It took me three hours 
to clean the entire mess, all the while thanking all the angels 
that it was DIET cola and not sticky. I probably don't need 
to say that I never, ever tried to do that again!

Noella

--------------------

The steam from a steam iron set to max and a plastic
scraper work very well to get the labels off, 
even on ancient jam jars.
DearWebby
____________________________________________________





An amazing Origami artist. Since I have 
chickens I especially like the rooster.





Today, November 27, in
1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. 
1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive 
 an automobile through Central Park in New York City. 
1910 New York's Pennsylvania Station opened. 
1934 The U.S. bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson was 
 killed by FBI agents near Barrington, IL. 
1978 San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor 
 Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside 
 City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor. 
1983 183 people were killed when a Colombian Avianca Airlines 
 Boeing 747 crashed near Barajas airport in Madrid. 
1985 The British House of Commons approved the Anglo-Irish 
 accord giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing of 
 British-ruled Northern Ireland. 
1989 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a Colombian 
 jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off from Bogota's 
 international airport. Police blamed the incident on drug 
 traffickers. 
1992 In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow 
 President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in ten months. 
2008 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was taken out of 
 service after more than 30 years. The ship was launched on 
 September 20, 1967. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Help with free trial versions 

Thursday, November 26, 2015, 10:39 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 26

If you are in the US, happy Thanksgiving Day!




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NYC man who snorted heroin during police interview
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 26, in
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Good people are good because they've come to wisdom 
through failure.
--- William Saroyan (1908 - 1981)

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly 
like the past, only far more expensive.
--- John Sladek
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two neighbors who had been rivals all their lives followed
different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in
the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became
a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at an Airport.
The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly,
"Oh porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?"

The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame,
but should you be traveling in your condition ?"

______________________________________________________

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the
little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not nice to say the
word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to
pee just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his
father and during the service said to his father,
"Daddy, I have to whisper."

The father looked at him and said,
"Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Vincent Arcona
27,
Medford
NY



NYC man who snorted heroin during police interview

While in police custody for his alleged connection to a fatal 
shooting near the so-called "Zombie McDonald's" by Penn Station, 
"person of interest" Vincent Arcona pulled something 
interesting out of his person. According to a criminal 
complaint from the Manhattan DA, Arcona was in a police station 
interview room when he "reached into his buttocks area" and 
produced a small package containing heroin. Magic.

NYPD Detective Adrian Calemmo says Arcona then placed the 
heroin on the table in front of him and snorted it. 
Mission accomplished, he then allegedly tossed the packaging 
on the floor, under the table, where the detective says he 
later recovered it.

Asked about the packaging, Arcona allegedly admitted that 
it had previously contained heroin, back when it was up inside 
his butt.

Arcona has not been charged with anything in connection to the 
fatal shooting yet, but on Saturday he was arraigned on charges 
of evidence tampering and criminal possession of a controlled 
substance. He's being held on $25,000 bail.

The suspect in the shooting, Francisco Alsina, 23, was 
reportedly arrested in Rhode Island on Friday and is awaiting 
extradition back to NYC. Investigators believe he fatally shot 
Angel Quiñones, 43, and wounded two others last Monday morning 
during a dispute over drug dealing turf.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Problem with free trial
Dear Webby,
Hi Webby - Wanted to tell you about the problem I have been 
having since I downloaded the free trial of McAfee.  About 
10 times a day I get a pop up from McAfee stating my firewall 
is off. I have to go to there and turn it on again.  It just 
doesn't seem to stay on. Today I got a notice that my computer 
has not been protected for the last 15 days which is about 
when I downloaded the free trial version and I only has about 
2 weeks left for my free version.  Any help with this problem 
would be appreciated or an 800 number that I could call to 
speak to someone for help.
Thanks again,
Wendy

Dear Wendy
I have used the paid version since 1987, and don't really 
know anything about the free version.

Re the FireWall: You probably have set  Windows to use the 
Windows FireWall. That clashes with the McAfee Firewall.

Tech Support with most companies usually just works for the 
paid version. I doubt that McAfee is an exception there. 

However, you can try sneaking in through this Back Door

Have the email you used to sign up handy. 
Keep in mind, if you DO get any support for the free trial, 
it is probably very low wage Taliban, who are paid by the 
minute. They will waste endless time just identifying you 
and your version.

When you are ready to get the full version, don't try to 
sneak around me. You'll wind up paying full price. 
Get it via http://webby.com/mac at half price.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A priest went into a Washington, D.C. barbershop and got his
hair cut. He then asked how much he owed the barber.
"No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a
service to the Lord."

When the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he
found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with
a thank you note from the priest.

A few days later, a police officer came in.
"How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut.
"No charge, officer," the barber answered.
"I consider it a service to my community."
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the
stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut.
"How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward.
"No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to
my country."

The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber
found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paper Towel as Coffee Filter Substitute

While staying at my son's cottage in a remote area, I ran 
out of coffee filters this morning. It didn't take me long 
to try a basic (Bounty 1/2) sheet and it worked
wonderfully in the coffeemaker.
By Esther C. [2]

Rinsing used coffee filters works fine too.
I don't like throwing wet grounds into the garbage, because
that promotes rotting and smelling, and because the myth
that coffee grounds are good for plants is BS, I often just
rinse used coffee filters and drape them over a plastic can
to dry. They are surprisingly strong and durable.

Plumbers claim that rinsing coffee grounds down the drain
helps keeping it clean and from ever stopping up. I have to
agree. The only stopped up kitchen sink I have ever seen was
in cartoons.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council
office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing
street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking
about the International Phonetic Alphabet.

She said that she had learned it some years ago and
proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..."
When she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for
help.

I offered a hint: "What *aren't* you wearing today?"

"Oh, Underwear !" she replied

___________________________________________________


Top Secret drum corp - Edinburgh Military Tattoo 2012

____________________________________________________

The following classified ad was in the Austin American
Statesman newspaper, under the pets & livestock, exotic
animal section, on Wednesday, 09/10/1997:

PETS & LIVESTOCK - Exotic Animals
Mixed breed female free to good home. Lazy and sloppy, shots
current, more or less house broken, has license, owns
transportation. Enjoys music, dancing & late hours, seldom
is home. Beautiful markings, 22 yr old, sometimes  answers
to `Dorothy.' Call DP# 625-1448. Mother is fed up and wants
to clean house.

____________________________________________________

One day  came home from school and said:
"Dad, today I learned that we are all descendants of the apes."

"NOT TRUE!", his father thundered, but then conceded:
"Well, YOU might be a descendant of an ape, but I am NOT!"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Thanks to my sister Rita for her blunder

My husband Milt wanted hard-boiled eggs so we got out half a 
dozen and put them in warm water to warm them up a bit before 
boiling. About a half hour later, I passed the pan and turned 
on the burner. I went to the computer to check Facebook for a 
bit and then to the couch to watch TV but since I was sleepy 
I closed my eyes. An hour later, I awoke to the smell of 
cooking and figured Milt was getting something to eat. After a 
few minutes, I heard popping and then I was looking forward 
to popcorn. There was a really LOUD pop. As I jumped up, Milt 
asked what on earth was going on. We rushed to the kitchen and 
found the pan had boiled dry with eggs still cooking and 
popping open and splattering all over the kitchen. We had 
managed to cook, crack, pop open and chop up the eggs all in 
one step. It may be a while before we get the smell of burnt 
eggs out of here.
Rita

Noella
____________________________________________________





An artist in pumpkin carving.  





Today, November 26, in
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on display 
 in Boston, MA. 
1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to observe 
 the adoption of the Constitution of the United States. 
1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City. 
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car. 
1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially formed 
 in Montreal, Canada. 
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of King 
 Tutankhamen. 
1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to live 
 within a walled ghetto. 
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill 
 establishing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving 
 Day. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered nationwide 
 gasoline rationing to begin December 1. 
1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world premiere
1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk by a guided 
 missile. The German missile attack led to the death of 
 1,015 U.S. troops. 
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces to 
 retreat. 
1958 Maurice Richard (Montreal Canadiens) scored his 600th NHL 
 career goal. 
1965 France became the third country to enter space when it 
 launched its first satellite the Diamant-A. 
1975 Lynette"Squeaky" Fromme was found guilty by a federal jury 
 in Sacramento, CA, for trying to assassinate U.S. President Ford 
 on September 5. 
1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to re-admit China 
 after a 21-year absence. 
1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport was 
 robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold bars worth 
 nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the gold has ever been 
 recovered and only two men were convicted in the heist. 
1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were acquired 
 by Random House for $3,000,000. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed by 
 former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National Security 
 Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair. 
1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser Arafat, 
 who was seeking permission to travel to New York to address 
 the U.N. General Assembly. 
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi Foreign 
 Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand that Iraq withdraw 
 from Kuwait. 
1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire MCA Inc. 
 for $6.6 billion. 
1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II had 
 volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal income. She 
 also took her children off the public payroll. 
1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the Brooklyn 
 borough of New York City. The clerk inside was fatally burned. 
1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro wrestling 
 and would run for president in 2000. 
2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that censured Iran 
 for past nuclear cover-ups and warning that it would be policed 
 to put to rest suspicions that the country had a weapons agenda. 
2011 The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft launched from 
 Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL. The Mars rover Curiosity 
 landed on the floor of Gale Crater on August 6, 2012. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Get rid of installed programs 

Wednesday, November 25, 2015, 07:34 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 25




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texas man arrested for assaulting his girlfriend because she
would not smell his armpits.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 25, in
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to 
 be granted an English patent for cleaning and curing 
 Indian corn. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them 
as much as you please.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well
is that they have a common enemy.
--- Sam Levenson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The following was overheard at a recent party.
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,"
said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked,
"How far does your family go back?"

"I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost
in the flood."

______________________________________________________

Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat
word for word what you shouldn't have said.

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Robinson Pinilla-Bolivar
24,
Midland, 
Texas



Texas man arrested for assaulting his girlfriend 
because she would not smell his armpits.

A man in Midland, Texas was arrested on charges of assault 
for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend for refusing to 
smell his armpit.

According to News West 9, 24-year-old Robinson Pinilla-Bolivar 
asked his girlfriend to smell his armpit, and when she refused, 
an argument erupted.

During the argument, police said Pinilla-Bolivar punched the 
woman in the back of the head and attempted to stab her with 
a knife. The victim fled to the office of the apartment 
complex the pair was in.
Police said Pinilla-Bolivar then began dragging the woman 
from the office, but fled when he learned police had been 
notified and officers were en route. He was later arrested 
amid a traffic stop and charged with aggravated assault 
with a deadly weapon.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Jean
Re: Get rid of installed programs
Dear Webby,
My internet experience is severely limited in comparison 
to yours.  I have only worked with two email systems.  
One a government mainframe, that was obsolete even before 
it went online, and Yahoo.  Consequently, Yahoo is far 
superior in my opinion.  I have used it for years and years.  
With the exception of a few mishaps, I am content to work 
with Yahoo's time frame/system.  

I do have annoyances with the viruses, & etcetera, I've 
managed to find but have been able to survive.  

I appreciate your concern about my inability and/or 
desire not to change.  I am one of those, "if it works, 
don't fix it" types.  Plus I hate change.  Being on the 
internet, this is not a good quality, but it is me.  

I do have a gmail account but have not been able to access 
it.  If I cannot access it, what good is it?  

Now to the problem:  You are talking way above my head 
here.  How does one find out what AVG calls the add-on?  
How does one find if McAfee has the add on?  Or if it is 
an Add-on from Firefox?  

I like easiest first please.  

I apologize for my ignorance but all my training has been 
in different areas and hasn't melded together yet.  

Thank you for your patience.  

Did Facebook ever allow your DearWebby page back on line?  
From what little I have read on it, very little that is, 
they should have.  I am not good there either.  

Sincerely,
Janice

Dear Janice
I can understand your desire to not change. I have used 
Eudora for email since 1993, and don't plan to change 
in the forseeable future.

With your Gmail account, come onto Skype and I will step 
you through setting that up correctly. I use a Gmail account 
on the side and know how it works. My Skype handle is 
dearwebby.

Re the AVG add-on, first check FireFox Add-Ons.
Click on the 3 horizontal bars for the menu.
Click on the icon, that looks like a puzzle piece.
That shows all your add-ons.

If you see any in there, that you are not using any 
more, remove them.
That should make it easier to search through them 
and spot anything related to  AVG. 
When you find that, remove it.

Weeding out the add-ons will speed up your browsing 
quite nicely.

If you still get the AVG nuisance on the browser tabs 
or icons, then you have to get nasty.
Click on START
Paste into the run line:
appwiz.cpl
and hit ENTER.

After a while "Programs and Features" from 
Control Panel, All Control Panel Items, 
Programs and Features,  opens. It's just a shortcut.
If you prefer, you can slowly mouse to there.

Once that has opened, you can look at all the 
applications installed.
Look for anything starting with AVG.
Unless you are planning to get McAfee, don't remove
the AVG virus scanner. 
Look for  something like  "AVG Web".
Once you have removed that, your FireFox won't 
trundle all the way back to AVG's server to check 
if a web site has been approved by them.

If somebody often goes to dangerous sites, 
then they should install Malwarebytes. It checks
sites quite fast and unobtrusively.

Re FaceBook: No, they still insist that I use my
passport name, not the name everybody knows me by.
Well, that saves me at least five 
minutes a day.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Jenifer's big formal wedding was fast approaching and she was
delighted to hear that her Mom, Sheilah, just after a nasty
divorce, had finally found the perfect mother-of-the-bride
dress.

Two days later, she was shocked to learn that her father's new
wife, Fawn, had purchased the same dress.

She asked her Fawn to buy another dress since her Mom had
already altered hers to fit better. Fawn refused.

After two more weeks of frustrating shopping, Sheila found
a dress that was not as nice as the first, but would serve.

When asked by a friend what she would do with her original
dress, she grinned and replied, "I'm wearing it to the rehearsal
dinner!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clothespin to Store Earbuds

This is a great tip I found on Pinterest to keep earbuds 
from getting tangled in a drawer or your purse.
Put the earbuds in the space where the clamp opens. 
Wind the wires around the prongs. Weave in the end so it 
doesn't unravel.


Source: Pinterest
By Judy [26]


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

>From Jean
Michigan State Police announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles,
along with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 
two tons of heroin, $12 million in cash, and a ring of 14 prostitutes, all in a housing project behind the Detroit Public Library. 

Detroit folks were stunned. A community organizer said, "We is shocked"  

"We never knew we had a library."

___________________________________________________


blooming cacti

____________________________________________________

>From Elsie
Two men came to my house to install some new floor covering
in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator
out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.

As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the
heavy appliances back in place.

The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not
in their contract.

I really had no choice but to pay them.

Shortly after they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the
two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking
their van.

I told them that was not in the contract, but that I would gladly
do it for $50.

____________________________________________________

One day a father called his 6 children together and asked,
"Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week
and did everything mother asked?"

In one voice they all replied, "You, daddy."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Thanks to Linda B for her blunder today:

I was visiting some friends who live at  the Grand Canyon. 
Missing my own dog, I took theirs for a short walk. It was 
getting dark, and let me just say, when it gets dark out 
there, it gets DARK! Not even starlight because of the 
cloud cover. Their street was basically a circle so what 
could go wrong? 

Besides I could use the flashlight on my cell phone. 
However, I discovered my cell phone battery was as close 
to dead as it could get. Next thing I knew I was lost - 
on a circle street! The only available light was from 
passing cars, which I was trying to flag down hoping to 
see if anyone could tell me my location. At one point a 
car looked liked it was headed straight for us, so we 
stepped off the road and fell smack into a ditch! 

My first inkling that I wouldn't be walking anywhere was 
after crawling out and trying to put my weight on my ankle 
- it just flopped over. I kept trying to flag down cars, 
and before long a Ranger stopped; then more appeared.
 
At that point, everything stopped, traffic and all. One 
ranger took the dog home, another wrote the report and two 
more stopped traffic. I swear they multiplied right before 
my eyes! A little over an hour and three ambulances later 
I arrived at the hospital in Flagstaff. Both bones in my 
ankle were broken, and my heel had been pushed forward and 
so far to the left it might as well have been in Utah. 

Of course none of that mattered, because by then I was higher 
than a kite and everything was hysterically funny! They have 
good drugs in those ambulances, and even better ones in the 
hospital. My happy ending: After a couple of months in physical 
therapy, I'm walking without assistance and without a limp!
Linda

Noella
____________________________________________________





This Grave In Paris Is Packing A Secret.





Today, November 25, in
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to 
 be granted an English patent for cleaning and curing 
 Indian corn. 
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured 
 Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh. 
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated 
 New York. New York was their last military position in 
 the U.S. 
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom. 
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in 
 exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public 
 debts and settle border disputes. 
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk. 
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan 
 and Germany, was signed. 
1947 Movie studio executives meeting in New York agreed to 
 blacklist the "Hollywood 10," who were cited a day earlier 
 and jailed for contempt of Congress when they failed to 
 cooperate with the House Un-American Activities Committee. 
1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned 
 racial segregation on interstate trains and buses. 
1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide 
 after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war constitution. 
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against 
 the Detroit Lions. 
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a cease-fire
 in the PLO civil war in Lebanon. 
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese 
 revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been 
 diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security Advisor 
 John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired. 
1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election. 
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into separate 
 Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1, 1993. 
1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt 
 on his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants 
 near his motorcade. 
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean dictator 
 Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought by Spain, 
 could not claim immunity from prosecution for the crimes he 
 committed during his rule. 
1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first visit 
 to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II. 
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5 
 billion bailout for Pakistan.
2015  smiled.

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---

AVG nuisance on FireFox 

Tuesday, November 24, 2015, 08:28 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 24




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
California high school teacher arrested 
for sex with a number of underage boys
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 24, in
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. They were 
 both 14 years old. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Many people would sooner die than think; 
In fact, they do so.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

There was a boy of about 8 who was having a horrible time
with his grades in school - math was especially bad.  His
parents tried everything, but nothing worked, so his parents
ended up sending him to a school in Canada.

Well, when report card time rolled around, his parents took it,
and, with much trepidation, opened it little by little...and saw an
A, then another A, and another...however, the final grade was
the dreaded one - the mathematics...

Well, they opened the page, and saw an A!  Incredible!  They
asked their son what had brought the turnaround, especially in
that troubling subject.

He said, "Well, when I walked into the classroom, and saw that
guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they took their math pretty
seriously."

______________________________________________________

Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to
get some water for cooking dinner.  As he was dipping
the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.  He
dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.

"Now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" cried
Johnny.  "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.  He's been
there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why,
he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Gramma,"  replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Michelle Yeh, 
28,
San Pedro,
California



California high school teacher arrested 
for sex with a number of underage boys

Former San Pedro High School substitute teacher Michelle 
Yeh appeared in Long Beach court Friday afternoon facing 
charges of sex-related allegations involving teenage boys.

Yeh looked at the 15-year-old boy on the stand as he told 
the court about alleged sexual acts with his 28-year-old 
substitute biology teacher.

One incident he testified happened in his bedroom.
"We started having sex on the bed, but it was making a lot 
of noise, so we laid down on the carpet," he said.

The boy, not being identified because he's a juvenile, 
alleged Yeh bought him an Xbox 360 and gave him money for 
things, including marijuana.

Prosecutors allege there were more than 70 text messages 
between Yeh and that student.

The boy is one of four alleged victims testifying in a 
Long Beach courtroom. Yeh plead not guilty in August to 
felony charges, including oral sex and unlawful sex with 
a minor under 16 involving two boys.

She's also facing misdemeanor charges involving two other 
teenage boys.

Yeh is in custody after allegedly violating a court order 
last month by texting one of the alleged victims.

If convicted, Yeh could face up to nine years and eight 
months in prison.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Janice
Re: AVG nuisance on FireFox
Dear Webby,
Question:  My Firefox icon managed to get an AVG shield 
attached to it.  This makes a request every time I log 
into the internet to make changes.  It is very annoying.  
How can I unattached the little debugger to keep it from 
slowing the internet process?  
Janice

McAfee has had a WebShield for many years, and AVG decided 
to copy that. Unfortunately, their copy is rather slow, 
especially so when you are already handicapped by Yahoo.

Try to find out what exactly AVG calls that add-on, and 
then dump it. You  should be able to UNinstall it from the 
control panel, programs. Depending on how closely they 
copied McAfee, it will be a separate application, and 
UNinstalling it will not kill your regular AVG.

It might even be an ADD-On in FireFox. Check that first, 
since that would be the easiest.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A woman from the southern part of Alabama goes into the
local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently
deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that
the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.
She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read,
'Billy Bob died'."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am,
there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few
seconds says,
"In that case, let it read,
'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Motion Detector Lights for Home Security

Exterior motion detecting lights do not cost a great deal 
more than other types of outside lighting. Of course, 
they're sometimes activated by leaves blown about by 
the wind, but I particularly like them for the back of 
the house as well as the alley. Battery operated smaller 
versions are available for interior windows and don't 
require mounting or electronic know-how: simply put 
them on the window ledge.

Anyone peering in hoping for a closer look at your 
possessions or wanting to break in will be under a 
spotlight and, if you're awake, the light going on 
will alert you to a potential intruder. Depending on 
your level of concern, consider investing in noise-making 
motion detectors (which can cost as little as $10 each) 
for your ground floor and/or basement windows. Make a 
note to check or replace the batteries on a regular basis.
By Rose Anne Hutchence [7]

You can even get motion detector (plastic)
dogs, that produce a very credible bark.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed
cold cream on her face."Why do you do that, mommy?" he
asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began
removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

___________________________________________________


The KFPS Royal Friesian Horse
 The KFPS Royal Friesian Horse
____________________________________________________

A 93 year old man went to his doctor to get a physical.  A
week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street
with an attractive young woman on his arm.  At the man's next
visit, the doctor said,
"I saw you with a lady the other day. You're really doing great,
aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc, 'Get a hot
mamma and be cheerful'."

The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart
murmur. Be careful."

"Too late! I like my version a lot better."

____________________________________________________

"So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over
coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing
fishing trip with your husband."

"Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered.
"First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish.
Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I
was reeling in too soon.

"All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters
worse, I ended up catching a lot of fish, and HE didn't
catch any!"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders

Thanks to Karyn for today's blunder:
I do love my hair, but it is really, really wild! 
It's so wild, in fact, that I have to watch and make sure 
it gets in the car after me so I don't close the door on 
my hair.

One day, however, when I got back to work from lunch, I 
noticed people were looking at me funny and sniffing. 
Finally, someone asked me what I'd had to eat. It was then 
that I realized the sardines I'd had for lunch were all 
in my hair! Ugh!!!!
Karyn


Noella
____________________________________________________





Everyone loves a parade and the Fijian 
police parade looks like a lot of fun. 





Today, November 24, in
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. They were 
 both 14 years old. 
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published "On the 
 Origin of Species." It was the paper in which he explained his 
 theory of evolution through the process of natural selection. 
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout Mountain 
 began in Tennessee. 
1871 The National Rifle Association was incorporated in the U.S. 
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a barbed 
 fencing material. 
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an electric 
 self-starter for an automobile. 
1940 Nazis closed off the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland. Over 
 the next three years the population dropped from 350,000 to 
 70,000 due to starvation, disease and deportations to 
 concentration camps. 
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the Japanese 
 capital of Tokyo was made by land-based U.S. bombers. 
1947 The "Hollywood 10," were cited for contempt of Congress 
 for refusing to answer questions about alleged Communist 
 influence in their industry. 
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed Lee Harvey 
 Oswald live on national television. 
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean bringing an 
 end to the second manned mission to the moon. 
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted from 
 a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with 
 $200,000 in ransom. 
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six Israeli 
 prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500 Palestinians 
 and Lebanese held by the Israelis. 
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian jetliner. 
 60 people died in the raid. 
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap short- and 
 medium-range missiles. It was the first superpower treaty to 
 eliminate an entire class of nuclear weapons. 
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned 
 after more than a week of protests against its policies. 
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141 people. 
1993 The U.S. Congress gave its final approval to the Brady 
 handgun control bill. 
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old) were 
 convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of Liverpool, 
 England. They were both sentenced to "indefinite detention" 
 but released after 5 years.
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a constitutional 
 amendment legalizing divorce. 
1996 Rusty Wallace won the first NASCAR event to be held in Japan. 
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their purchase of 
 Netscape for $4.21 billion, which they promptly killed and used
 Internet Explorer instead.
2015  smiled.

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---

No question 

Monday, November 23, 2015, 10:35 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 23




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
drunk Florida woman arrested in a grease dumpster
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 23, in
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at 
 the Palais Royale Saloon. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
--- Walt Disney (1901 - 1966)

Man is the only animal that goes to sleep when he's
not sleepy and gets up when he is.
--- Dave Gneiser
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats.
Four small children scurried around her.  Her husband, coming
down the stairs, asked why she was standing there.

"Here," she said, handing him the coats.  "This time you put the
children into their coats, and I'll go outside and honk the horn."

______________________________________________________

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the
unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some
whales can communicate at a distance of three hundred
miles."

A sarcastic member of the group asked, "What on earth
would one whale say to another, three hundred miles away?"

"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds
something like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww?'!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for this picture:


______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Anna Marzita Shinkle, 
54,
Fort Myers,
Florida



Drunk Florida woman falls asleep in grease dumpster

Anna Marzita Shinkle is charged with drunken disorderly 
conduct and resisting an officer after falling asleep at 
the Lani Kai Island Resort's grease dumpster just before 
2 a.m. Saturday, according to an Lee County Sheriff's 
Office report.

"The female was unresponsive and covered in grease with a 
shirt on and her pants down at her ankles," the report states.

The deputy woke her up, told her he was a deputy sheriff and 
that the fire department was also there to help her.

She responded "by stating 'go **** yourself'...then continuously 
stuck her middle finger up at him." and he said it didn't end 
there adding "she was going to cut us and **** us up."

"The fire department attempted to assist the woman, but she 
held onto the grease dumpster making it extremely difficult 
to remove her."

According to the report, deputies and firefighters, "warned 
the female that if she did not comply she would be tased...
as soon as the female threatened us again and took an 
aggressive fighting stance, I tased the female."

She then complied with officers, was transported to Health 
Park hospital "to have the taser probes removed" 
and went to jail. 

Shinkle is out on bond and scheduled to appear in court 
next month.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: 
Re: no Question
Dear Webby,



No Answer


DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a
lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and
showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Later, it was question time and she asked, "My name begins
with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easily Remove Grease from Ground Beef

Whenever I browned hamburger meat for tacos, spaghetti, 
or whatever, I used to take the meat out of the pan, 
transfer it to a strainer to drain the grease and then 
return it to the pan to finish cooking. 

I have found an easier way to handle the excess grease 
without all the work. This is so much easier and less 
mess to clean up. Just brown the meat, tilt the frying 
pan so the grease drains to one side. 

Take a couple of paper towels and soak up the grease, 
the more grease there is the more paper towels need 
to be used.

Remove the grease soaked paper towels and discard on 
a paper plate or some other type of container. Then 
toss the paper towels in the trash. I use this method 
all the time now and it's so much easier.

By Ida Claire [5] 
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Instead of wasting paper towels and burning my fingers
I use a plate to hold back the meat, and let the grease
drain into a low, empty can, that I give to the birds.
Especially in winter they love grease and crumbs.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm.
As the passengers were being bounced around by the
turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next 
to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're 
a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"

And the minister said, "Lady, I'm in sales, 
not in tech support."
___________________________________________________


Cooper eats ice cream
 Air New Zealand safety video
____________________________________________________

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an
hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.
Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles
following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she
looked around, there were three cops following her.

Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She
screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten
minutes later, she innocently walked out.

The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without
batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I
would make it."
____________________________________________________

As the bus pulled away, Cindy realized she had left her purse
under the seat. She called the company and was relieved
that the driver had found it.  When she went to pick it up,
several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her.
One man handed her her empty purse, four typewritten
pages and a bushel box containing the contents of her purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he
explained.

"I think you'll find everything there."  As she started to put her
belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope
you don't mind if we watch.  Even though we all tried, none of
us could fit everything into your purse.  And we'd like to see
just how you do it."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders

Thanks to Shantell for her blunder submission:

I usually fall asleep listening to the sound of thunderstorms 
and rain. It's an app on my Kindle. One night I got sooo 
caught up in the sound I got up and covered myself because
I thought I was getting wet from the rain. (Bear in mind 
it was an app playing)
Shantell


Noella
____________________________________________________





Amazing never seen 
before creatures from the deep.    





Today, November 23, in
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act. 
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing machine. 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at 
 the Palais Royale Saloon. 
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands at 
 the age of 10 when her father William III died. 
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of 
 Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central Pacific 
 offensive in the Gilbert Islands. 
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended. 
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens. 
1946 Mound Metalcraft changed its name to Tonka Toys Inc. 
1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital 
 from Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo. 
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United 
 Nations Security Council. 
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life 
 imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten. 
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were killed 
 in a series of earthquakes. 
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West 
 Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International 
 Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva. 
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested 
 and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a year 
 after his conviction. 
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from Athens 
 to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta. 
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League goal. 
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she had 
 witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two other 
 people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in El Salvador, 
 was flown to the U.S. 
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen Electra. 
 The two had been married on November 14, 1998. 
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil settlement. 
 It was a $206-billion deal to resolve remaining state claims 
 for treating sick smokers. 
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's effort to 
 block pornography on library computer calling the attempt 
 unconstitutional. 
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Remove ads from recipes 

Sunday, November 22, 2015, 07:56 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 22




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk NYC real estatebroker steals taxi.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 22, in
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was killed 
 during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. British 
 soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him. He was 
 shot and stabbed more than 25 times.    
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been
in excess of the demand.
--- Josh Billings

Women only have two complaints. Nothing to wear, and not
enough closet space for it."
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 40 years of
marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared! "Because
you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would
like to give you each one wish."

The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the
world." The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the
tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment,
then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years
younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF!
He was 90.

______________________________________________________

While at a government office, a voice on the office loudspeaker
announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it
will work properly in case of emergency. Whenever there is a
telphone outage, the speaker system will automatically take over
for all inter-office communication. When the phones are off and
the speakers are on, please do not relay any confidential information."

Then the voice added:
"If you are unable to hear this announcement, please phone the
help desk."

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Kinga Tabares, 
27,
NYC
NY



NYC real estate broker was so drunk she 
allegedly stole a NYC taxi cab and went for a wild ride.

This NY real estate broker was so drunk and wild the cab 
driver drove straight to the closet NYPD station to have 
them help him deal with her. 

It's a NY city cab driver who did this. They see the best 
and the worst of NYC, so for this cab driver to drive 
straight to the police station just shows how much of a 
drunken mess this 27 year old woman must have been. 

When he went into the station to get the cops, she 
jumped in the drivers seat and ttook off in his taxi. 
When the cops find her she's in the Chelsea neighborhood 
of Manhattan throwing up out of the drivers window. 
Drinking too much is not a good look, especially for a 
Douglas Elliman real estate broker, no matter how cute 
a hypnotist she is.

Stealing a cab and drunk driving will hopefully get her 
some time to sober up and settle down.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Clean ads from recipes
Dear Webby,
About those recipes - I copy lots from Thrifty Fun too, and 
other sites with ads, and I have no clue what you just 
advised to avoid them. What I do is just copy everything & 
paste it somewhere, then just go through it & delete 
everything I don't want. Pictures go with one right click & 
delete, other stuff may have to be highlighted but it works 
for me.
Bonnie in NH

Dear Bonnie
Great idea and a lot  faster than I had been doing it.
I will upgrade to doing it your way right now!
Have FUN
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five
daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion.
"Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh.
"Kids, when I was busy getting us securely established, were a
nuisance, but grandchildren would be a pleasure, now that I would
have time for them. I'll give a million dollars to the first kid who
presents me with a little one to bounce on my knee. Now, let's say
grace."

... When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the
only other person at the table.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Magic Lampshade

This is a way to create an easy and fun, magic lampshade 
customized by you!
Approximate Time: approximately 10 minutes

Supplies:
white lampshade
black Sharpie pen
 
Steps:
Take a white lampshade and draw anything you want inside 
with a black Sharpie pen. You can look on the internet or 
books for ideas. Shadow puppet images are helpful.

I chose Mary Poppins. I drew it free hand in case sketching 
would be visible. As a result I don't know if sketches 
will show.

Turn the light on and, voila, surprise! There you are - 
Mary Poppins.
Entertain your friends and family, or just sit back and 
enjoy your creation. :)
By KIM HOGGAN [18]
If you don't like drawing, you can
cut out suitable pictures and glue them to the inside
of the lamp shade. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

When a young man left his dorm and moved into an apartment, he
went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with
a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning
products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food
purchase -- a large bag of potato chips.

After surveying all the stuff he piled onto the check-out conveyor,
the check-out clerk remarked:
"If you ever want to experiment with spaghetti, you better get some
professional help!"
___________________________________________________


Air New Zealand safety video
 Air New Zealand safety video
____________________________________________________

Watching her mother as she put on her new fur coat, young
Jackie said unhappily,
"Mom, do you realize how much some poor dumb beast
suffered so you could have that?"

The woman shot her an angry look,
"Jackie, how dare you talk about your father like that!"

____________________________________________________

The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver.
Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached
Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?"

"No, lady, not yet. I'll let you know," he replied, 
time after time.
The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany
Falls, and finally the little town came into view.

Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled
over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady."

"Is this Oriskany Falls?"

"YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!"

"Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained
sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when 
we got this far, I should take my first blood pressure pill."

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Thank you to Bonnie for submitting her blunder:

We haul our own trash to the dump (ok, recycle/transfer 
station). Last week while there I asked one of the employees 
to break down an especially tough box that I wanted to recycle. 
He was so nice to help and while he was breaking it down, 
I even asked him what to do with used lawnmower oil & the 
filter. It was then that he told me that he didn't work there 
but was glad to help out! How embarrassing!
Bonnie


Noella
____________________________________________________





People are awesome!   





Today, November 22, in
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland 
 for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire. 
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was killed 
 during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. British 
 soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him. He was 
 shot and stabbed more than 25 times. 
1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated
1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin adopted 
 the SOS distress signal. 
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed publicly. 
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, CA, when 
 the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for Manila. The craft 
 was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail. 
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began. 
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a motorcade 
 in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also seriously 
 wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was inaugurated as the 
 36th U.S. President. 
1967 The U.N. Security Council approved resolution 242. The resolution 
 called for Israel to withdraw from territories it had captured in 
 1967 and called on adversaries to recognize Israel's right to exist. 
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American travel 
 to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963. 
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of 
 Gen. Francisco Franco. 
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid 
 $4 million for the broadcast rights. 
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between 
 New York and Europe. 
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S. 
 nuclear missiles in West Germany. 
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. 
 It was the largest swearing-in ceremony. 
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential 
 area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians. 
1986 Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in Colonel 
 Oliver North's office that included an amount of money to be 
 sent to the Contras from the profits of weapons sales to Iran. 
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world heavyweight-
 boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old. 
1988 The South African government announced it had joined Cuba 
 and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban troops from Angola. 
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less 
 than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded 
 next to his motorcade in West Beirut. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara
 shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia. 
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American 
 Free Trade Agreement. 
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a 
 gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and the 
 gunman were killed in the gun battle. 
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire 
 in response to a retaliatory air strikes by NATO. 
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving 
 lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient. 
 Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for 
 second-degree murder. 
2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female chancellor. 
2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale. 
2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The dinosaur 
 skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern Utah. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Recipes without ads 

Saturday, November 21, 2015, 11:58 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 21




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Utah man upset at missing his child's birth 
called in bomb threat.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 20, in
1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened.    
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... 
Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, 
except themselves.
--- Robert Anton Wilson

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as 
they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
--- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said,
"We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I
have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week."

Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side
said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that 
easy to get along with either on some days."

______________________________________________________

Sad, but unfortunately aparently true:
From the Florida News Network: Hugh Friday, a teacher at
Forest Hill High School, ran a stop sign and was pulled
over. After receiving a ticket, Friday who is supposed to be
a role model to the teenagers in the school, pulled up to
the stop sign, stood up in the front seat of his car, looked
in an exaggerated and prolonged gaze in both directions for
others cars,

and immediately received another ticket for 
"obstructing a roadway."

He was convicted on both charges.

______________________________________________________



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Michael Morlang, 
26,
in jail in Idaho



Utah man upset at missing his child's birth 
calls in bomb threat.

A Utah man accused of calling in a hospital bomb threat 
because he was upset he couldn't attend his child's birth 
is now being charged in federal court.

Michael Morlang was indicted Wednesday and faces up to 
10 years if convicted, the U.S. Attorney's Office in Utah 
said in a news release.

The threat led to an evacuation and lockdown on Sept. 17 
at a hospital in the small central Utah city of Richfield.

His wife and her father told investigators the day of the 
incident that Morlang made the bomb threat because he was 
angry about not being there for the birth, show court 
documents from state charges filed earlier this year.

The woman's father also told investigators that Morlang 
was upset because he heard his wife was going to have a 
procedure to prevent having more pregnancies.

A nurse told police she spoke with Morlang, and that he 
was "extremely upset that they were going forward with the 
birth" while he was still in Idaho.

Morlang acted like he didn't know of a threat when reached 
by phone that day while on a bus back to Idaho, Richfield 
City police investigators said in court documents. They 
weren't able to connect with him after that.

Morlang is custody in Idaho on unrelated crime. It's not 
clear if he has an attorney.

The Utah state charge filed in September against Morlang, 
one count of threat of terrorism, are being dismissed now 
that the federal government is pursuing charges, said 
U.S. Attorney's Office spokeswoman Melodie Rydalch.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Lesley
Re: Recipes without ads
Dear Webby,
Whenever you show a recipe from Thriftyfun, you got just
the recipe without the pesky ads they spit into the middle
of theirs. When I try to copy one, I always get the silly 
ads, that don't work anyway after copying.
What is your secret?
Lesley

Dear Lesley
No secret, just effort.
I use NoteTab for all text editing, including the Humor 
Letter. 
I copy the heading, for example the name of the recipe,
paste it into the text and click on the B to bold it.
Then I copy the recipe as far as the first ad, 
ALT TAB to the text, CTRL V to paste it, 
ALT TAB back to the recipe. Then I highlight the next
portion down to the next ad, copy, ALT TAB, paste.

And so on.

No secret, just tedious effort.
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Morris and Harry were both fanatics about deep sea fishing.
Each would come back from fishing trips, and tell the other
big lies about the number, and sizes of the fish they caught.

So Morris comes back from his latest fishing trip, and tells
Harry, "You wouldn't believe, but in the  Bahamas I caught a
500 pound herring."

Harry says, "That's nothing, last time I fished in the
Bahamas, I pulled up an old lantern from a sunken Spanish
ship -- and da candle was still burning!"

They both looked at each other, knowing that the other was
lying.

Finally, Harry said to Morris, "Look Morris, if you take 499
pounds off your herring . . . I'll blow out my candle!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Perfume Dirty Laundry with Orange Peels

I am moving from a house to an apartment. All is chaos. 
I just discovered I confused the laundry basket with the 
trash - only once. I found that the dirty clothes smelled 
great thanks to the dried out orange peel.
By Joan F. [1]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

The teenage beauty was telling a friend that she was really
worried about her mother. The friend inquired as to the reason
for her worrying.
She informed her friend that her mom was always fatigued from
staying up all night long.

Her friend said, " At her age, that's not good at all. Why is she
staying up all night?"
"She's waiting for me to come home."

___________________________________________________


 how to trick your dog into taking a pill

 how to trick your dog into taking a pill
____________________________________________________

Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the
baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet.  Being
only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still
couldn't grab the box.

Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called
him to help.

"Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room.
"Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?"

"Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen.
"But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'"

____________________________________________________

One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak
to the head hog at the trough?"

The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm
sorry, who?"
The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the
trough?"

She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer
to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to
him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"

To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving
$1000 to the building fund...."

To this the secretary quickly responded
"Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
I'm all out of blunders right now. I'm sorry. 
Maybe you could print my suggestion for others 
to send in theirs?
Noella
____________________________________________________





People are awesome!   





Today, November 21, in
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship discharged 
 the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 26, 1620. 
1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air balloon. 
 The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois Laurent, 
 Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5½ miles over Paris. 
1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter. 
1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his phonograph. 
1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art exhibit. 
1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened. 
1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine measures 
 against Cuba. 
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, 
 announced the presence of an 18½-minute gap in one of the White 
 House tape recordings related to the Watergate case. 
1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by a 
 mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans. 
1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino in 
 Las Vegas, NV. 
1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in Oakdale, 
 LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took hostages. 
1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused 
 to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual 
 advances toward 10 women in past years. 
1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia that 
 was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian 
 "safe area" of Bihac. 
1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast at a 
 test site in the South Pacific. 
1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned space 
 capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight. 
2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to keep 
 the presidential recounts going. 
2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, 
 software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the poorest 
 schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part of a deal to 
 settle most of the company's private antitrust lawsuits. 
2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania, 
 Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Desk height for typing 

Friday, November 20, 2015, 08:10 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!





With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Non-American citizen arrested for voting in Texas — 
FIVE times 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 20, in
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and 
 Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary.     
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The only function of economic forecasting is to make 
astrology look respectable.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A teacher observed a boy entering the classroom with dirty
hands.  She stopped him and said, "Johnny, please wash
your hands.  My goodness, what would you say if I came into
the room with hands like that?"

With a smile the boy replied, "I think I'd be too polite to
mention it."

______________________________________________________

"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. 
Would you please do my math homework for me?"

Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't 
be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "Why don't you 
at least try ? Mom can help you with it."

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Rosa Maria Ortega, 
35,
Somerset,
Texas


Non-American citizen arrested for voting in Texas — 
FIVE times – faces up to 20 years

A Texas woman, who is not a citizen of the United States, 
was arrested Friday for having illegally voted in Dallas 
County — five times.

Rosa Maria Ortega, 35, is presently a resident of the 
Tarrant County Jail, where she is being held on a 
$10,000 bond, according to the Dallas-Fort Worth NBC 
affiliate Channel 5 News, which reported:

Ortega is married to an American and is living legally in 
this country, but is not a citizen and therefore, not 
qualified to vote, said Harry White, who supervises public 
integrity and white collar crime investigations for the 
Tarrant County District Attorney.

Ortega applied to vote in Tarrant County and acknowledged 
on the application form that she was not a citizen, White 
said. The county rejected her application and notified her 
she was not qualified to vote.

Having learned her lesson that only American citizens may 
vote in Texas, she re-applied five months later, this time 
claiming to be a U.S. citizen.

Although Ortega never voted in Tarrant country, records 
indicate that she did so five times in neighboring Dallas 
county — the earliest in a 2004 Republican primary, the 
latest in the 2014 Republican primary.

Her charges — illegal voting — is a second degree felony, 
punishable by a two to 20 year prison sentence.

A running battle between Republicans and Democrats is centered 
on voter ID laws. More than 30 states currently have some form 
of voter ID requirement.

Republicans claim that such laws are necessary as a protection 
against voter fraud.

Democrats claim stories of voter fraud are overblown and voter 
ID laws amount to voter suppression.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Desk height for typing
Dear Webby,
A kitchen table is between 29-30 inches high and a desk is 
about 27 inches high. For the keyboard it needs the pull-out 
tray that is at 25 inches from the floor.
Noella

Dear Noella
For somebody as cute as you are, those numbers are probably
qite OK. For the rest of us, the guidelines are:
(For fastest typing speed without causing discomfort
or carpal injury)
Back straight, upper arms straight perpendicular,
forearms level when the heel of the palm rests on the 
wrist rest of the keyboard.

Luckily nowadays office chairs are cheaper than kitchen
chairs and are adjustable in height.

For Web-TVers and "Slouch-on-the-couch" FB activists those
guidelines of course need to be adjusted a bit.

DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Joe was on the phone and told his wife what a lousy day
it'd been.  She asked, "Will you be joining me in the hot tub
tonight?"

"Wow, how sweet.  What a lovely way to spend an evening,"
he thought.  He was just about to tell her how considerate and
wonderful she was being when she continued:
"'Cuz, if you're not, I need to start adding more water to the
tub."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Rib-Eye and Roasted Garlic Vegetables

This is a nice "put it in the oven and forget it" meal. 
The meat melts like butter in your mouth. It's so good. 
We found mixed mini potatoes on sale at the store instead 
of red potatoes and I forgot to put the onions in the bag, 
when I made the roast this time. It was still tasty and 
my kids did a better job eating it, so I might leave them 
out on purpose next time :)

I really love the oven bags for easy meals. Rib-Eye Roast 
can be VERY expensive so keep an eye out for sales and you 
can always opt to use a cheaper cut of meat.

Approximate Time: 2 1/4 hours
Yield: 8
Ingredients:
1 large Reynolds Oven Bag
1 Tbsp flour
1 1/2 tsp oregano
3/4 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp salt
3-3 1/2 lb ribeye roast
1 1/2 lb small red potatoes, halved (I didn't half them)
1 pkg (16 oz) baby carrots
2 med. onions (I forgot them)
1 whole bulb garlic, unpeeled
1 Tbsp butter
additional salt and pepper to taste

Steps:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Shake flour in oven bag. Place bag inside a large baking pan.
Rub raw beef with oregano, pepper, and salt. Place beef in bag.
Arrange veggies in an even layer around roast. 
Add extra salt and pepper if desired (I would recommend it).
Cut 1 inch off the top of the garlic bulb and place in bag. 
I placed it top down on top of the meat.
Close bag and cut 6 - 1/2 inch slits in the top of the bag.
Cook for 1 1/2 - 1 3/4 hours or until meat thermometer reads 
145 degrees (this took closer to 2 hours).
Let meat rest for 10 minutes before slicing.
Place vegetables and garlic in bowl and toss with 1 Tbsp. butter. 
Serve as a side with the sliced meat. I also served with green 
beans for some color and extra nutrition.
Source: Reynolds
By Stephanie [154]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing
by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads,
"The End is Near! Turn around now before it's too late!"

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Get lost, you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he
sped by.

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and
a big splash. "Do you think," said one to the other,
"it's maybe bad luck to use the back of a Madonna poster,
or maybe we should instead put it in not so religious terms
and make a sign that just says 'Bridge Out' ?"

___________________________________________________


the story of Jonah - told in the cutest way

the story of Jonah - told in the cutest way
____________________________________________________

We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our
Comparative Religions course.  Our instructor told us about a
woman who was contacted by police to assist in a
missing-persons case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions
on where to find the body," the teacher said. "In fact, the
detectives did find the body just as she had described.  Now
what would you call that kind of person?"

While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's officer
taking the course raised his hand and replied, "A suspect."

____________________________________________________

The spammers from bratan.org sent me some spam asking me
to sign their petition that the death penalty for murderers and
terrorists be abolished.

I told them, quite the opposite, it should be kept,
and that spammers should be burned at the stake.

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
My bosses finally got new computers and were figuring out 
how to use them. A few days later, my boss called me into 
her office and asked if I could show her how to draw a 
line. 

Thinking she wanted something exotic, I searched for a 
way to draw a line for her. Turned out, all she wanted 
was to add a line after a prompt for filling in the
name, like this: ____________________

On her typewriter you could only backspacen and then
underline actualtext but not empty spaces.
So I introduced her to that new key on the keyboard.
Noella
____________________________________________________





Creepy vintage ads. 
What were they thinking?!?! 




Today, November 20, in
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent of Spain. 
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and 
 Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary. 
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out in Mexico. 
1929 The radio program "The Rise of the Goldbergs," later known 
 as "The Goldbergs," made its debut on the NBC Blue Network. 
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on 
 Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands. 
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes tribunal 
 in Nuremberg, Germany. 
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, 
 Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey. 
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark and 
 Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association. 
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed its 
 missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its blockade of 
 the island. 
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in Washington, 
 DC, went past 200 million. 
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential use 
 of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the substance. 
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to 
 address Israel's parliament. 
1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake Pigneur 
 pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island. The 
 freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours. The 
 Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the previous 
 freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake. 
1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial 
 ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak 
 of nuclear war. 
1986 The one billionth Little Golden Book was printed. 
 The title was The Poky Little Puppy. 
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, 
 Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms. 
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into 
 the country of Kuwait. 
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor 
 Castle in England. 
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in 
 Zambia to end 19 years of war. 
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles 
 in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television. 
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden 
 safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating 
 two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist attacks 
 on New York City and the Pentagon. 
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of 
 health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry also 
 agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Ergo keyboard 

Thursday, November 19, 2015, 12:33 PM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 19




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania woman who got 2 DUIs same night, 
same  car.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 19, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It 
 resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Our great democracies still tend to think that a 
stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

  Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
  A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
______________________________________________________

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work
cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young
woman entered. She was so striking that the man could
not take his eyes away from her. The young woman
noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly
toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude,
the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything,
absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter
how kinky, for $100 on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.

The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you
want me to do in just three words."

The man considered her proposition for a moment,
withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted
out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young
woman's hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully
said, "Clean my house."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Dad for this picture:


These bloomed today

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Michele Leonard, 
47,
Somerset,
Pennsylvania


Pennsylvania woman who got 2 DUIs same night, 
same  car.

Pennsylvania State police say they've arrested a woman for 
two different drunken driving crashes in the same day.

Troopers from Somerset say Michele Leonard, of Somerset, 
crashed her car about 5 p.m. Saturday.

She was arrested, charged with drunken driving and then 
released.

Police say that's when Leonard offered a stranger $3 for a 
ride back to her crashed vehicle, which she entered and 
began driving again.

Police say Leonard again lost control of the car, and 
sideswiped a parked car in Somerset Township about 6 p.m., 
then crashed into a garage, which she destroyed along with
a pick-up parked in it and thousands of dollars worth of
special tools.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Donna
Re: Ergo Keyboard
Dear Webby,
For the lady with the keyboard problem with her laptop...
as a former personal trainer regular keyboards and laptop 
keyboards especially being so small are terrible for your 
wrists, causing pinches nerves and are just carpal tunnel 
waiting to happen.  Just look at the angle of your inner 
wrist as you try to type!  My suggestion would be an 
ergonomic keyboard.  Yes they take some getting used to 
(after two weeks about 10 years ago, I was ready to pitch 
mine out the window...learning that for 30 years I had been 
typing the letter N with the wrong finger!)...but I 
perservered.  The light bulb went on after about two weeks, 
and not only did my wrists quit hurting but my typing speed 
improved.  I agree with you that cost should not be an issue, 
my Microsoft Ergo Keyboards lasted over 10 years and are 
still functional.
Donna

Dear Donna
Microsoft was afraid of getting hit with class action law 
suits and commissioned the research and development for
their Ergonomical keyboard. Because of the ridiculous 
pricing those didn't really catch on, but they sure 
protected Microsoft from lawsuits.

With a reasonable price and an adjustable curvature, they 
would have been successful, but even as they are, they are 
still available for people with carpal tunnel syndrome or 
other wrist injuries, and who get somebody else to pay for
the insane $75 - $120 price for $1.49 worth of plastic.

There are some split keyboards available at reasonable cost,
that are very good if somebody has a wrist injury.

Up until the 80's, when there were still typing pools and
fast typists, they said that a keyboard should be as wide 
as the typist's shoulders. Well, all the 120 wpm typists 
have retired, and wide keyboards are getting very scarce.

Personally, I just use a wide Kensington keyboard and a 
slick wrist rest as high as the keyboard. That works well 
for me. 

The wrist rest is very important. A 1"x 4" board sanded
and varnished works just fine, especially when sprayed
with Moly mold release or furniture spray to make it
nice and slick on top, and sticky drawer liner mesh
underneath. You would really be surprised how that makes
typing effortless and painless even after an injury.
And faster too.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Jill heard her husband come back into the house not too long
after he had left.
She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge
meeting."

"It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the Grand
Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate won't let him attend
until he finishes doing the laundry."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bag Top as Instant Twist Ties

How many times have you looked for a twist tie to keep a 
bag closed? Well look no more. Now all you do is cut the 
entire top of the product bag off and use that for the 
twist tie. An instant twist tie right at your fingertips.
By Suzzy-cue B. [2]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

One evening after dinner, Little Johnny noticed that his mother
had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"

Dad told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he
asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"

Little Johnny's father had always given his son honest answers,
so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach.
"Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies
sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."

Little Johnny burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," Little Johnny
said. "I'm not THAT silly. Mom always says that Tupperware is
the cheapest at Walmart! What are they really doing?"

___________________________________________________


five guys playing one piano

five guys playing one piano
____________________________________________________

A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival
meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would
secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove
in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would
shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the
rafters would dutifully release the dove.

At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the
preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised
his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"
Still no sign of the dove.
Then preacher heard the anxious voice of a small boy call
down from the rafters:
"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit.
Shall I throw down the cat?"

____________________________________________________

A young married couple lived in a cheap housing complex.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and
that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one
morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was
downstairs on the telephone.

She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her
neighbor.

"Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet
paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
I readied my camera to be sent off for repairs, put it in 
the original box, wrapped and put the address label on it. 
However, I had to open the package up to put in the check 
I forgot, resealed the box and took it to the post office 
where I bought insurance (for a $2,000 camera) and postage 
and got it mailed off.

Later that afternoon, one of the twins came home from school 
with really bad grades on a paper. I spent 30 minutes telling 
him how he needed to pay attention to what he was doing as 
most of his mistakes were from not paying attention to what 
he was doing or reading.

After the lecture, I sent him out to play and sat down at my 
desk pondering how can I impress upon him the importance of 
paying attention to what he’s doing. As I was in the midst of 
my thinking, I started cleaning my desk and it was then that 
I noticed my camera sitting there on the desk. It was then I 
realized I mailed and insured an empty box. Well, that’s not 
quite right, there is paperwork and the $10 check in the box.

Noella
____________________________________________________





History of the swastika symbol. It was used for centuries until Hitler made it a bad thing. 




Today, November 19, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It 
 resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address 
 as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the 
 Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania. 
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in 
 the Sunday New York World. 
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell. 
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with a 
 vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority 
 was needed for ratification. 
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the 
 first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito. 
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their winter 
 offensive against the Germans along the Don front. 
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service on 
 the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production of 
 the unpopular Edsel. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made 
 man's second landing on the moon. 
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria. 
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader 
 to set foot in Israel on an official visit. 
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil. 
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression. 
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel 
 Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia. 
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey. 
 It was only the second known case where all seven were 
 born alive. 
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began. 
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard" 
 sold at auction for more than $71 million. 
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank 
 off northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons 
 of fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed 
 about 150 miles out to sea. 
2007 The Amazon Kindle was first released.
2015  smiled.

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---

Keyboard slant 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015, 09:38 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 18




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Woman, who Battered Beau Over Sex Position Dispute
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 17, in
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed 
 in England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.
--- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to 
the airline check-in counter. 

As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile 
of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the 
piano, too?"

"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied.

"No, I really wish you had" he sighed.  
"I left the tickets on it."

--------
No problem nowadays with e-tickets. Just print out
a new one at one of those things that look half way
between R2D2 and a fire hydrant.

______________________________________________________

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find
his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the
matter?" he asks.

"Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I
cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out
the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back
from answering the phone," she sobbed again,
"I found that the cat had eaten it!"

"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. 
"Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Moe for this picture:


Go look at it before ISIS blows it up!

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Wendy Luper,
45,
Clermont,
Florida


Florida Woman Battered Beau Over Sex Position Dispute

Wendy Luper, 45, Florida woman was arrested Saturday evening 
following an bizarre series of events that began with a trip 
to a storage unit with her ex-husband (with whom Luper has 
recently reunited).

According to cops, Luper and Michael Vaccaro--who were married 
for 12 years--drove together to retrieve some of his belongings 
from their storage unit in Bradenton.

While parked in the rear of the facility, “Luper got undressed, 
and asked Vaccaro if he wanted to have sexual intercourse,” 
police reported. “Vaccaro agreed, and told Luper to lay down.”

But Luper, a court filing notes, “did not want to have sexual 
intercourse in that position and stated no.” It is unclear 
where the pair was planning to tryst, or the position that was 
rejected by Luper

During a subsequent argument, Luper allegedly struck Vaccaro in 
the head with a thrown object. As Vaccaro sought to remove some 
of his belongings from the car’s rear seat, Luper allegedly 
accelerated the auto “with Vaccaro still half way inside the 
vehicle.” As Vaccaro “pulled out of the vehicle,” Luper drove 
over his right foot.

When cops arrived at the scene, Vaccaro was bleeding from a head 
wound and his right foot appeared to be swelling. After being 
contacted by police, Luper returned to the vicinity of the 
storage facility. “She was unable to explain” Vaccaro’s injuries, 
noted police, who added that she “stated Vaccaro wanted to have 
sex with her.”

Seen above, Luper, who works as a housekeeper, was arrested for 
domestic battery. She was booked into jail on the misdemeanor 
charge and released from custody yesterday after posting $750 bond.

Luper was busted in August for domestic battery after she allegedly 
punched Vaccaro in the face, neck, and arm after he ignored her 
request to do laundry. Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue 
the misdemeanor charge against Luper.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Keyboard slant for laptop
Dear Webby,
SUGGESTION FOR ANNIE WHOSE LAPTOP IS UNCOMFORTABLE. 
I ROLLED UP SOME RUBBERMAID SHELF LINER & TIED IT TO 
SECURE SHAPE WHEN I FOUND THE RIGHT HEIGHT TO PROP THE 
BACK END OF THE LAPTOP ONTO. GIVES IT A SLANT TO MAKE 
TYPING A WHOLE LOT EASIER. MAYBE SHE CAN TRY THIS TOO.
BONNIE IN NH

Dear Bonnie
If the slant is the problem, then your suggestion is
an excellent idea.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Jane got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive
driving course to have points erased from her license. The
instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time
was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when
each session began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked
door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"

The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket
and was pulled over for being slower than the flow of traffic."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mango "Ice Cream"

I saw this recipe on Pinterest and had to try it. I
actually had all the ingredients. It's super quick to make. 
It's a lot easier than homemade ice cream. My kids can't 
stop eating it! I love that there is no added sugar. 
It's delicious!
Approximate Time: 5 minutes
Yield: about 4 servings
Ingredients:
8 oz frozen mangos
1/2 cup cream or coconut milk
a splash of milk
a pinch of salt

Steps:
Add your mango to the food processor.
Mango "Ice Cream"
Pour in the cream or coconut milk and a pinch of salt.
Start the food processor on the low setting. Stop the 
machine and scrape the sides.
Mine was a little dry and needed more moisture. I poured 
in a splash of milk until it was ice cream consistency.
Scoop out and eat right away or freeze. It's a little 
hard when it comes out of the freezer. We let ours sit 
for a few minutes to soften.
Source: Coco's Well
Link: cocoswell.com/mangosoftserve
By Becky Miles [84]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Ethel is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and
asks for a scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the
cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you
a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As Ethel finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,
"I would like to buy you a drink, too."

Ethel says, "Thank you.
Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water.
"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says,
"I would like to buy you one, too."

Again Ethel says, "Thank you.
Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of
water."

"Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the
drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch
with only two drops of water?"

Ethel replied, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to
hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."

___________________________________________________


 - Big cats like boxes

Big cats like boxes
____________________________________________________

A local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new
dentures made a few weeks ago.
The first Sunday after that, his sermon lasted 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday he preached for an hour and a half.

I asked him about this.
He then told me
"Well, that first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot.
But the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's
dentures and I couldn't stop talking!"

____________________________________________________

In primitive society, when native tribes dressed up in
mismatched colors that hurt the eyes, beat the ground with
clubs in an embarrassing manner, and yelled and screamed in
ways that hurt the ears, it was called witchcraft;
today, it is called golf.

____________________________________________________

Noella's Blunders
Note to Self: When making vocabulary, spelling, grammar 
and formatting corrections to a template letter at your 
new job, make sure the person you are passing the 
updates by is not its author.
Noella
____________________________________________________





A very touching story in music and memories.




Today, November 18, in
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed 
 in England. 
1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to 
 sight the continent of Antarctica. 
1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog 
 of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the 
 New York "Saturday Press." 
1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 
1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal. 
1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force 
 in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. The 
 offensive began on July 1, 1916. 
1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon 
 premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," 
 starring Mickey Mouse. 
1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of 
 Francisco Franco. 
1959 William Wyler's "Ben-Hur" premiered at Loew's Theater in 
 New York City's Times Square. 
1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against 
 eating meat on Fridays. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon. 
1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 
1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium 
 for use in nuclear weapons. 
1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record division 
 to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation provided the 
 death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate in 
 approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, 
 staff and patients. 
1993 American Airlines flight attendants went on strike. They ended 
 their strike only 4 days later. 
2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console in the 
 United States.
2015  smiled.

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