Hiding recipient's addresses Sunday, December 23, 2018, 09:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, December 23
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
British dad bit his baby’s nose and
shook him to death
______________________________________________________
Today, December 23 in
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley
invented the transistor.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people
will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
--- Bernard Bailey
______________________________________________________
Then there was the hillbilly woman who came to the hospital to
have her first child. A year later she was back for a second
child. The next year, almost like clockwork, she was back for her
third child.
The hospital staff naturally began to expect her, and she was
there, just like clockwork.
In the twelfth year - she didn't show, and the staff wondered
what happened...A couple of years later she shows up, but she's
not pregnant.
The hospital staff wonder what happened - did her husband die, or
what? When asked why she hadn't been there having a baby the past
couple of years, she replied: "No, no more. Found out what was
causin' it."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Vince:
When my wife says, "Do you know what we need to do?"
it's a pretty safe bet, that she doesn't really mean "we."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend
received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people
at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age.
"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they
said.
"I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year."
"You have to do it every year," she was told.
"Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get
younger without telling anybody?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Doulton Phillips,
17,
Southampton
Great Britain
British dad bit his baby’s nose and
shook him to death
Neighbours recalled hearing ‘blood-curdling screams’ as Doulton
Phillips killed his son Reggie. The teenager, now 17, can be
named for the first time after jurors found him guilty of murder.
Doulton Phillips bit his baby’s nose before violently swinging
him to death
His identity was protected while he stood trial alongside his
girlfriend Alannah Skinner, 19, the baby’s mother. Jurors found
Skinner, who was 18 at the time, guilty of child cruelty for
failing to protect or seek help for her baby. Phillips fractured
the baby’s skull and ribs, leaving him with a broken leg and
bruises, a court heard. The ‘deliberate’ attack happened in the
early hours of February 11 at Skinner’s one-room flat in
Southampton after they spent the night drinking vodka and beer at
a neighbour’s party. Prosecutor Adam Feest QC said the series of
injuries showed how the baby met with a ‘violent end’.
‘Residents across the road recall hearing what they described as
a blood-curdling or painful scream coming from the flat at about
3am,’ he added. One neighbour heard ‘a gut-wrenching cry of pain
coming from a baby’ and the ‘sort of screaming that turned her
stomach’, he said. When the baby was taken to hospital, Phillips
told a neighbour: ‘What have I done?’ But he later claimed to
police that Reggie accidentally fell from the sofa when having
his nappy changed, or fell from his arms while the couple were
arguing. Mr Feest said the explanation could not account for the
‘severity or multiplicity of the injuries sustained’. He added:
‘They are more in keeping with a violent shaking or swinging, or
indeed both.
From: Jeanne
Re: Hiding recipient addresses
Dear Webby,
My question is how do you forward a list of information or
jokes to list of friends without it showing up on the To: or Cc:
I want it to go out without them seeing who I sent it to.
Thanks,
Jeanne, From London
Dear Jeanne
Look for the BCC (Blind Carbon Copy)
The BCC addresses don't show to other recipients.
Make sure you put your own address into the TO,
otherwise your mail will look like spam and be filtered
out by a lot of mail services.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Ross for sending this story and picture:
Daughter: My friends and I want to go out tonight.
Mother: Where are ya'll going?
Daughter: To the cowboy bar on the edge of town.
Mother: I'm don't think you should. There's been a lot of
trouble at that place. I heard there was a fight there last
weekend, and several people got hurt.
Daughter: But mom!! Please!! It'll be okay.
Mother: No, your life is more important than going out.
Daughter: But Tiny is going with us...
Mother: Well, in that case, it should be okay. Ya'll have
fun!
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Dianne for this wise advice:
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are
married.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I
told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too
easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in
the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and
cuckooed three times. Quickly, realizing my husband would
probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really
proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution,
in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos
totals 12 cuckoos— MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told
him 'MIDNIGHT.' He didn't seem annoyed in the least. Whew, I
got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock
cuckooed three times, then said, 'oh, shit.' Cuckooed four more
times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled,
cuckooed twice more, farted and
tripped over the coffee table.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Give A Live Plant Instead Of A Bouquet
Instead of a flower bouquet that will be wilted and in the trash
in a week or two, consider buying a plant. It could be a
houseplant or something to plant in the yard in the spring.
You can enclose a card saying, "Watch our love grow!"
Thriftyfun.com
Your plant could even be some herbs in a
window-sill her garden. I have seen windowsill herb gardens that
have half a dozen popular herbs in them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
 |
That will teach them to steal packages off your front porch!
|
___________________________________________________
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The
family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where
he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.
Dad immediately heads for the back seat,
directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after
all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat
teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his
father.
"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick
the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've
been doing to me all these years."
___________________________________________________
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist
season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed
on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said,
"You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter.
"I can only serve one table at a time."
___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas
Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a
gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 23 in
1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore ("
'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published.
1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab',
better known as the Hansom cab.
1856 Ralph Collier was issued a U.S. patent for the first rotary
egg beater with rotating parts.
1880 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light Company
of Europe.
1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter Vincent
Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe.
1893 The Engelbert Humperdinck opera "Hansel und Gretel" was
first performed, in Weimar, Germany.
1913 The Federal Reserve Bill was signed into law by U.S.
President Woodrow Wilson. The act established 12 Federal Reserve
Banks.
1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance for the
transport patients was launched. The hospital ship was named USS
Relief and had 515 beds.
1930 Ruth Elizabeth Davis, an unknown actress, arrived in
Hollywood, under contract to Universal Studios. Universal changed
her name to Bette Davis for the movies.
1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island
surrendered to the Japanese.
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. It was
the first of the traditional Christmas shows.
1943 "Hansel and Gretel," the opera, was televised on New York's
WRBG. It was the first complete opera to be televised.
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley
invented the transistor.
1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other Japanese
war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been found guilty of
crimes against humanity.
1951 A National Football League (NFL) championship game was
televised nationally for the first time. The Los Angeles Rams
beat the Cleveland Browns 24-17. The DuMont Network had paid
$75,000 for the rights to the game.
1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of his
associates were shot for treason following a secret trial.
1954 The Walt Disney movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" was
released.
1965 A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain.
1968 The crew of the U.S. Navy ship, Pueblo, was released by
North Korea. The Captain of the Pueblo, Commander Lloyd M.
Bucher, and 82 of his crew were held for 11 months after the ship
was seized by North Korea because of suspected spying by the
Americans.
1970 In New York, the topping out ceremony for original One World
Trade Center (North Tower) took place. The South Tower's ceremony
took place on July 19, 1971.
1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II spacecraft
on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000 miles of Uranus
on July 24, 1986.
1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and
Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop, around-the-world
flight without refueling as it landed safely at Edwards Air Force
Base in California.
1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for the
attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975, escaped
from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West Virginia. She
was recaptured two days later.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife,
Elena, were captured as they were attempting to flee their
country.
1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its six
republics with non-Communist governments.
1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including 170
children, during a year-end party being held near the children's
school.
1995 The bodies of 16 members of the Solar Temple religious sect
were found in a clearing near Grenoble, France. 14 were presumed
shot by two people who then committed suicide.
1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges of
conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995 federal
building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb killed 168 people.
1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets at
northern Israel.
2018 smiled.
|
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Saturday, December 22, 2018, 10:18 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, December 22
Days are getting longer now! YeeHaw!
This year's Winter Solstice is special, because we got a full
moon!
The solstice this year is special because the much anticipated
"Cold Moon" will be visible during the night along with the Ursid
meteor shower.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida man tried to pay for McDonald's
with bag of weed, police say
______________________________________________________
Today, December 22 in
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray
photograph, of his wife's hand.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as
funny as possible.
--- David M. Ogilvy
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil
but because of those who look on and do nothing.
--- Albert Einstein
______________________________________________________
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent
when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved
roses.
"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death."
"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase
his garden knowledge.
"Nuns with scissors."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for this classic:
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and
working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his
sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which
to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took
his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,'
he said to her,
'but in just a few weeks, my father will die,
and I'll inherit 20 BILLION dollars.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
TRANSLATION OF VACATION TERMS
When choosing a vacation spot, be aware of the following
advertising terminology and their meanings . . .
Tropical . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rainy.
Old world charm . . . . . . . . No bath.
Open bar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Free ice cubes
Pre registered rooms . . . . .Both already occupied.
Majestic setting . . . . . . . . . A long way from town.
Secluded hideaway . . . . . . Impossible to find except by cab
Options galore . . . . . . . . . . Nothing on the itinerary is
included.
Knowledgeable trip hosts . .They've been on a greyhound once
Gentle breezes . . . . . . . . . OccasionalGale force winds.
Plush . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Top and bottom sheets.
Light and airy . . . . . . . . . . No air conditioning.
Picturesque . . . . . . . . . . . Cutie on the billboard across
the street
Nominal fee . . . . . . . . . . . . Outrageous charge.
Explore on your own . . . . . Pay for it yourself.
No extra fees . . . . . . . . . . . No extras.
Standard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sub-standard.
Deluxe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Standard.
Superior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One free shower cap.
All the amenities . . . . . . . . Shower cap and soap.
Internet access . . . . . . . . You need your own dial-up
account
Only 25 cents per call . . . We knock you off-line every
5 minutes
______________________________________________________
Bryce Canyon.
In the morning or evening Bryce Canyon is even more spectacular.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Anthony Andrew Gallagher,
23,
Port St. Lucie,
Floriduh
Florida man tried to pay for McDonald's
with bag of weed, police say
Police were alerted to Anthony Andrew Gallagher's offer early
Sunday morning and got a description of him from the worker.
Police in Florida say a 23-year-old man went through a McDonald's
drive-thru and tried to pay for his order with a bag of
marijuana.
News outlets report Port St. Lucie police say the fast food
worker denied the trade and Anthony Andrew Gallagher drove off,
only to return again a short time later. Police arrested him
Sunday on charges of marijuana possession and driving under the
influence.
Police were alerted to Gallagher's offer early Sunday morning and
got a description of him from the worker. They say a suspect
matching his description went through the drive-thru a little
while later and police approached him.
It's unclear if Gallagher attempted to pay for his order with
drugs the second time.
From: Rosalie
Re: sbcglobal problems
Dear Webby,
I have been signed up to your web site for a long time and yet I
only get your e-mails maybe once a month or every other month. I
also signed up to Webby's site and never get anything, although I
use to receive it everyday. Don't' know what the problem is but
I sure do miss your's and Webby's everyday musings.
Rosalie ******@sbcglobal.net
Dear Rosalie
With Yahoo's sbcglobal you have to expect that.
It is not something you did or didn't do.
Most Yahoos have that problem.
Just get yourself a free gmail address for important stuff.
Gmail is free and quite reliable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
How the stock market works
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced
to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around,
went out to the forest, and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to
diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He then announced
that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the
villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started
going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each
and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an
effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 !
However, since he had to go to the city on some business,
his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers.
"Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has
collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man
returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the
monkeys. Some even got loans from a new bank in order to
buy monkeys at $35 !
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant,
only monkeys and bankers everywhere!
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market
works.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Brigit for this report:
In Marine Corps basic training, I soon learned that everything
we recruits used belonged to our drill instructor. For instance,
she referred to the stuff in our footlockers as "my trash" and
to the racks where we slept as "my racks."
One time when when we were whispering in the head (bathroom)
while making "head calls," our drill instructor must have
overheard us.
To our surprise, she suddenly yelled, "Why do I hear voices in
my head?"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Old Mail Box As A Train Tunnel
If you know a toy train enthusiast (or are one yourself) you
can use an old metal mailbox to create a tunnel for your train.
Just remove the door and back of the mailbox and let your
toy train travel through it.
Thriftyfun.com
An old, worn out door mat or throw rug works fine too. Build
the track first. It can be curved and even exit on the same
side higher up, like the spiral tunnel at Kicking Horse Canyon in
BC.
Use a 2" vaccum cleaner hose or similar spacer on the track,
drape the throw rug over it and sprinkle it with cement and
water. You don't need a lot, it just has to be stiff enough,
that it doesn't collapse when you pull the hose out a day
later.
You can, of course also use boxes or pieces of wood as
spacers and create a realistic looking mountain.
A ragged old cocos mat door entrance mat, sprayed with a bit of
green spray paint makes a very realistic looking mountain.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
|
|
That will teach them to steal packages off your front porch!
|
___________________________________________________
A boy was watching his father, a preacher, write a sermon.
He asked, "How do you know what to say, dad?"
His father said, "Why, God tells me, son."
The boy was silent for a moment, then said,
"Then why do you keep crossing things out?"
___________________________________________________
The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to
the rest of his family waiting for the news, "We had twins!"
The family was so excited, they immediately asked,
"Who do they look like?"
The father paused, smiled and said, "Each other."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas
Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a
gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 22 in
1715 James Stuart, the "Old Pretender", landed at Petershead
after his exile in France.
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the rebellious
American colonies under the command of Ezek Hopkins.
1807 The U.S. Congress passed the Embargo Act, designed to force
peace between Britain and France by cutting off all trade with
Europe.
1864 During the American Civil War, Union Gen. William T. Sherman
sent a message to U.S. President Lincoln from Georgia. The
message read, "I beg to present you as a Christmas gift the city
of Savannah."
1877 The "American Bicycling Journal" went on sale for the first
time.
1894 French army officer Alfred Dreyfus was convicted of treason
in a court-martial that triggered worldwide charges of anti-
Semitism. Dreyfus was eventually vindicated.
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray, of
his wife's hand.
1910 U.S. Postal savings stamps were issued for the first time.
They were discontinued in 1914.
1939 Gloria Jacobs became the first girl to hold a world pistol
record when she shot 299 out of a possible 300 points. She was 17
years old at the time.
1943 Sporting goods manufacturers received permission to use
synthetic rubber for the core of baseballs.
1956 The last British and French forces evacuated Egypt.
1961 James Davis became the first U.S. soldier to die in Vietnam,
while U.S. involvement was still limited to the provision of
military advisers.
1984 New York City resident Bernhard Goetz shot four black youths
on a Manhattan subway. Goetz claimed they were about to rob him.
1989 Romania's hard-line Communist ruler, Nicolae Ceausescu, was
overthrown in a popular uprising.
1990 Lech Walesa was sworn in as Poland's first popularly elected
president.
1991 The body of Lt. Col. William R. Higgins, an American hostage
murdered by his captors, was found along a highway in Lebanon.
1996 A car bomb exploded in Belfast, injuring a known IRA
supporter. Police suspected that Protestant loyalists were
responsible for the attack.
1998 A unit of RJR Nabsico pled guilty to attempting to smuggle
cigarettes into Canada.
2001 Thirty Afghans, including two women, were sworn in as part
of the new interim government in Afghanistan. Hamid Karzai was
the head of the post-Taliban government.
2018 smiled.
|
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Friday, December 21, 2018, 10:40 AM
Posted by Administrator
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany,
of injuries from a car accident.
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Thursday, December 20, 2018, 09:09 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 20
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
PA lawyer and girlfriend took sexually
explicit photos of drugged woman
______________________________________________________
Today, December 20 in
1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his
incandescent light at Menlo Park, NJ.
1990 The world's first website and server go live at CERN. The
first website was
http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong
word. There are no exceptions to this rule.
--- Stephen King (1947 - )
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
The first virtue of all really great men is that they are
sincere. They eradicate hypocrisy from their hearts.
--- Anatole France
Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity.
The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they
are dim, the whole world is clouded.
—-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool
usually has his suspicions.
--- Wilson Mizner
______________________________________________________
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily
ruddy complexion, he said,
"High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," the doctor said.
"How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Ed
Can't Win for Losing
I use to go out with a lovely lady who was attending the local
university striving for a PhD in her chosen field of medicine,
Psychiatry.
But I had to throw in the towel, cuz I just couldn't win.
If I was late for a date, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.
If I was on time, I was compulsive."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn't
seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10,
sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker,
really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit
to the company and obviously demonstrating their
"Older-Person-Friendly" policies.
One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal
with it. Finally, he called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do
a bang on job, but your being late so often is quite
bothersome."
"Yes, I know, boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to
hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're
retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came
in late there?"
"They usually said, 'Good morning, General. Tea or coffee
this morning, sir?'"
______________________________________________________
Maijishan Caves, Tianshui, China
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Lawrence Weinstein, left, and
Kelly Drucker
Doylestown,
Pennsylvania.
PA lawyer and girlfriend took sexually
explicit photos of drugged woman
Prosecutors say a former Pennsylvania township official and his
girlfriend spiked a woman's drink and used a hidden camera to
take sexually explicit photographs of her while she was
unconscious.
Lawrence Weinstein and Kelly Drucker are charged with false
imprisonment, invasion of privacy, recklessly endangering another
person, criminal conspiracy and violations of the Pennsylvania
Wiretap Act. They surrendered to Bucks County detectives Tuesday.
Weinstein is a lawyer who recently left his job as a Northampton
Township supervisor.
The Philadelphia Inquirer reports the plot came to light after
Drucker's ex-husband noticed his teenage daughter had been given
her mom's old phone. He discovered the texts detailing the plan.
Investigators say they found photos on Weinstein's iPad showing
him assaulting another unconscious woman in 2012. He's facing
additional charges in that case.
From: Nora
Re: Attach files to email
Dear Webby,
Could you explain how to send and attachment's. I have had
my computer for 7 year's now and no one to show me how
to do it. And sometime's there are thing's I would like to
send on and I can't because I don't know how. If you could
would you print it out so I can follow it in your column .
I catch on really fast but that is one thing I don't even know
how to start doing it.
Nora
Dear Nora
I don't really know what email program you use.
With Eudora, you simply drag a file from an Explorer
or File Save window into the header area of a mail
that you are writing, or onto the Eudora shortcut on
your desktop. Or if you prefer to do it with just the keyboard,
hit CTRL H, and a file browser opens to let you find
and select what to attach.
Eudora is one of the oldest email programs, and most others
copied most or all of Eudora's code, and will therefore work
similarly.
Considering the ad on your mail, you might have Incredimail,
which is sometimes called the funky great-granddaughter of
Eudora and has inherited a lot from it. Chances are very
good that the same procedure still works.
Keep in mind that there are two ways to send pictures or movies:
Embedded and Attached.
Embedded are pictures showing inline like the pictures here.
Attached are items like the Large picture here, that you have to
click on a link to open it up.
Usually, you can open a picture in your paint program, hit CTRL C
to copy it, jump to your mail, and hit CTRL V to paste it.
That trick has worked since about 1993.
Attaching is usually used just for items too large to fit on a
page, or for movies. To Attach, hit CTRL H, or whatever combo
your email program uses, and browse to the item.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Hillary had been busy campaigning, and her last stop of the
day was at a Senior Citizens Home. After walking in and
looking around for a while she approached an elderly woman
in a wheel chair. Bending over to be on eye level with her,
she asked her "Do you know who I am?"
The elderly lady gave her a good looking over, then told her
"No I don't. You don't look familiar. Just go to the front desk,
they will tell you who you are."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Georgina for this report:
I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to
an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered
a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it,
our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking.
When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste,
our six-year-old piped up,
"Mom can drink a lot more than that!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Think Twice About to Rent-To-Own
They offer expensive financing which will cost at least
double for any products you buy. You are much better
served by getting a loan from a credit union, using a
low interest credit card, or better yet, saving money
every month so you can buy the product outright.
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Christmas miracles by West Jet.
|
___________________________________________________
About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking
with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all
their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their
noses are plugged up.
"They think we have an accent," she replied.
"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk
funny?"
"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain.
"To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words
are d-r-a-w-n out."
His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously,
"Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
___________________________________________________
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Visiting the National Museum of the American Indian in
Washington, D.C., my sister and I were admiring a beautiful
tribal headdress decorated with eagle feathers.
A man came up to us and identified himself as a Native American.
"Do you know how warriors got those?" the man asked,
pointing to the feathers. "They covered a hole with brush,
tied a live rabbit on top of it and hid underneath. When an
eagle swooped down for the kill, they would grab its wing or
tail."
"Fascinating," I said. "You learned that from your tribal
elders?"
"Actually, no," the man confessed.
"I saw it on the Discovery Channel."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas
Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a
gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 20 in
1606 The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set sail
from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the start of the
first permanent English settlement in America.
1699 Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be changed
from September 1 to January 1.
1790 The first successful cotton mill in the United States began
operating at Pawtucket, RI.
1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included the
Louisiana Territories from France for $15 million. The transfer
was completed with formal ceremonies in New Orleans.
1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax bachelors
between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried. The tax was $1 a
year.
1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent
light at Menlo Park, NJ.
1880 New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White Way"
when it was lighted by electricity.
1892 Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the
pneumatic tire.
1928 Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME.
1933 The film "Flying Down to Rio" was first shown in New York.
1938 Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope television
system.
1946 In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare between
Vietnam partisans and French troops began.
1954 Buick Motor Company signed Jackie Gleason to one of the
largest contracts ever entered into with an entertainer. Gleason
agreed to produce 78 half-hour shows over a two-year period for
$6,142,500.
1963 The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to West
Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It closed again on
January 6, 1964.
1973 The Spanish premier Carrero Blanco was assassinated in
Madrid.
1987 More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz, a
Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker Vector off
Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion.
1989 General Noriega, Panama's former dictator, was overthrown by
a United States invasion force invited by the new civilian
government. The project was known as Operation Just Cause.
1990 The world's first website and server go live at CERN. The
first website was
http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html.
1995 An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali, Colombia,
crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of the 163 people
aboard.
1996 Doctors reported that a Cypriot woman who had taken
fertility drugs was carrying about 11 embryos.
1998 In Houston, TX, a 27-year-old woman gave birth to the only
known living set of octuplets.
1999 The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual couples were
entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded couples
of the opposite sex.
1999 Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred from
Portugal to China.
2001 The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to finance
the war against terrorism taking place in Afghanistan.
2001 Argentina's President Fernando De la Rua resigned after two
years in power.
2001 The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan to
help the nation heal after decades of war.
2018 smiled.
|
[ view entry ]
| permalink | print article | ( 3.1 / 374 )
Moving old mail to a thumb drive Wednesday, December 19, 2018, 09:30 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 19
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Indiana car jacking victim shot back
Car jacker seriously injured and arrested
______________________________________________________
Today, December 19 in
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the
unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
--- Al Capp (1909 - 1979)
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous,
the sensible man hardly anything.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
______________________________________________________
Contemporary Latin Phrases:
"Domino vobiscum."
(The pizza guy is here.)
"Auda similarum ad seattles."
(They all sound just like Pearl Jam.)
"Sharpei diem."
(Seize the wrinkled dog.)
"Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus."
(Remove foil before microwaving.)
"Il guyus nissanem iste ickye."
(That Nissan guy gives me the creeps.)
"Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi ad infinitum."
(Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.)
"Motorolus interruptus."
(Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)
"Veni, vidi, Pesci."
(I came, I saw, I moidered da bum.)
"Revelare Pecunia!"
(Show Me The Money!)
"Sic semper tyrannus."
(Your dinosaur is ill.)
"No Quid Pro Quo."
(I'm Sorry, We're All Out of Quid.)
"Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus."
(It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)
"Veni, Vidi, Velcro"
(I came; I saw; I stuck around.)
"Et tu, pluribus unum?"
(The government just stabbed me in the back!)
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome - one
has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.
Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into
the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving
money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar
behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the
beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't
you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat
of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit
there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when
you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. I! n fact, they
would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest,
turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look
who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters
became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young
man who took them out.
But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction
was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.
Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all
the young men she and her sisters brought home.
"You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
(Mug shot is from a previous arrest)
Derrick Hart
Lawrence,
Indiana
Indiana car jacking victim shot back
Car jacker seriously injured and arrested
Carjackers and other petty criminals often think that being armed
puts them in charge, but an incident in Indiana has once again
shown that the Second Amendment can quickly transform a predator
into prey.
On Thursday, a would-be robber jumped into another person’s car
during broad daylight. The accused criminal, later identified as
Derrick Hart, flashed a gun and demanded money.
Hart had made a grave miscalculation. The “victim” in the car was
also armed, and willing to put up a fight.
According to WXIN News, the driver of the car told Hart that he
didn’t have any cash, and was then ordered at gunpoint to drive
to a nearby Chase Bank ATM. The victim complied, but was hatching
a plan of his own.
“At the time, an armored vehicle was stocking the branch’s ATMs,
so the victim attempted to steer towards it hoping to find help.
When the robber told the victim to avoid the truck, a fight broke
out,” the station reported.
“The robbery victim grabbed his gun and they started fighting in
the vehicle in very close quarters over that gun,” Deputy Chief
Gary Woodruff said.
As the two men were fighting, the car crashed into a fence and
both the robber and the resisting victim jumped out of the
vehicle. That’s when the car’s owner — who has asked to remain
anonymous — drew his own concealed handgun.
“Unbeknownst to the robbery suspect, the victim had his own
firearm and so they engaged in an exchange of gunfire,” Woodruff
said.
Hart was shot two times, while the car owner was also injured.
Luckily, nearby police officers heard the gunfire.
“They hear the gunfire and immediately respond, and they’re able
to stabilize the situation and make an almost immediate
apprehension of the suspect,” the deputy chief explained.
Hart was placed under arrest and taken to a hospital where he was
listed in serious condition. Police said he already had at least
one warrant and would now be facing additional charges of armed
robbery, aggravated battery and criminal confinement.
Although the anonymous armed citizen was hurt, he or she is
expected to be OK.
“We’re just thankful it wasn’t worse, we’re thankful there was no
loss of life, and thankful that there weren’t any other people
directly impacted as a result of this incident for sure,”
Woodruff said.
This is the type of story that is often overlooked by the media
and gun-grabbing politicians on the left.
“States with the largest increases in gun ownership also have the
largest drops in violent crimes,” gun violence expert John R.
Lott Jr. summarized to the University of Chicago Press.
“Concealed handgun laws reduce violent crime for two reasons,”
Lott explained. “First, they reduce the number of attempted
crimes because criminals are uncertain which potential victims
can defend themselves. Second, victims who have guns are in a
much better position to defend themselves.”
While statistically rare tragedies like mass shootings dominate
the headlines, incidents of legally armed citizens defending
themselves are much more common — and thankfully, this latest
incident ended with the good guy winning.
From: Fred
Re: Moving mail to flash drive
Dear Webby,
I may be having a senior moment-
But how do I save my e-mails to a flash drive????
Not new incoming mail, just the years of old mail.
Thanks in advance--
FRED
Dear Fred
That depends on the email program you use.
With Eudora, you simply drag IN.MBX and IN.TOC onto the
flash drive, to get whatever you have in the IN mailbox.
OUT.MBX and OUT.TOC would be your OUT mailbox. And so on.
Different programs use different names, but most have two
files per mailbox.
If you use a 1 or 2 GB key-fob flash drive, you can easily drag
all of your mailboxes to and from it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his
young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?"
he asked.
"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened!
I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out
of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back
from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the
cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry.
We can get a new cat tomorrow."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
One day three redneck couples in a mini van are
heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation.
One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas,
and one is from New Jersey. They
stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for
breakfast.
Their waitress serves them their food, and the
husband from Nebraska says, "Could you pass
the honey, Honey?" to whom his wife, hands
over the honey.
Then, the husband from Kansas says, "Could you
pass the sugar, Sugar?" and she passes him the
sugar.
The third husband sits there for a minute, then
looks at his wife and says, "Wanna pass me the
bacon, porky?"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Paint Off Hinges
It can be difficult to put masking tape on hinges to keep
paint off them. Instead, cover them with petroleum jelly.
Any paint that gets on them will be easy to wipe off,
even after the paint dries.
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
|
___________________________________________________
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the
body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm
against it.
But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield
against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds
into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm
for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
___________________________________________________
Some helpful rules for better writing:
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Comparisons are as bad as clichs.
7. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
8. Be more or less specific.
9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
10. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
11. No sentence fragments.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Don't use no double negatives.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be ignored.
19. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
20. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
21. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
22. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:
Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it
correctly.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas
Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a
gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 19 in
1154 Henry II became King of England.
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots and the
Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion.
1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac."
1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000 men
to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter.
1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S.
1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first published in
England.
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones.
1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles fight
which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes. The fight was
ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness.
1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It opened
as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and remained the
largest until 1924. It was also the first major suspension bridge
to use steel towers to support the main cable.
1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239
workers.
1917 The first games of the new National Hockey League (NHL) were
played. Five teams made up the league: Toronto Arenas, Ottawa
Senators, Quebec Bulldogs, the Montreal Canadiens and the
Montreal Wanderers.
1918 Robert Ripley began his "Believe It or Not" column in "The
New York Globe".
1932 The British Broadcasting Corp. began transmitting overseas
with its "Empire Service" to Australia.
1957 Meredith Wilson’s "The Music Man" opened at the Majestic
Theatre in New York City. It ran for 1,375 shows.
1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated.
1959 Penn State’s Nittany Lions beat Alabama, 7-0, in the first
Liberty Bowl football game.
1959 Walter Williams died in Houston, TX, at the age of 117. He
was said to be the last surviving veteran of the U.S. Civil War.
1961 "Judgment At Nuremberg" opened in New York City.
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the Apollo
program of manned lunar landings.
1973 Johnny Carson started a fake toilet-paper scare on the
"Tonight Show."
1978 Indira Gandhi was expelled from the Lok Sabha for contempt
and imprisoned.
1979 ESPN televised its first NHL game. The teams were the
Washington Capitals and the Hartford Whalers.
1984 Wayne Gretzky, 23, of the Edmonton Oilers, became only the
18th player in the National Hockey League (NHL) to score more
than 1,000 points.
1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong to
Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997.
1986 The Soviet Union announced it had freed dissident Andrei
Sakharov from internal exile, and pardoned his wife, Yelena
Bonner.
1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of
General Noriega.
1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize Black
English, also known as "ebonics." The board later reversed its
stance.
1997 "Titanic" opened in American movie theaters.
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges of
perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House of
Representatives.
1998 A four-day bombing of Iraq by British and American forces
ended.
2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on
Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all terrorist
training camps and surrender U.S. embassy bombing suspect Osama
bin Laden.
2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the World
Trade Center site were released. The building slopes into a
spire
that reaches 1,776 feet.
2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion rescue
package of loans for ailing auto makers General Motors and
Chrysler.
2018 smiled.
|
[ view entry ]
| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 390 )
Yet another registry cleaner Tuesday, December 18, 2018, 08:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 18
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
A grandmother was arrested for dumping
a vulnerable 17 year-old orphan at a
highway rest area.
______________________________________________________
Today, December 18 in
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph).
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time
by Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that
all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus,
they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But
they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
--- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
Carl Sagan was a mediocre SF author and major proponent of the
"Ice Age Is Coming because of YOUR muscle cars and YOUR CO2"
scare in the late 60's and early 70's. He made big money giving
speeches on that topic.
Now that the Gullible Warming cycle is finished and we are
entering the next "Ice Age is coming" cycle, you can re-use all
of Carl Sagan's drivel.
If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the
next time they are in need.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
I was taking a ground school class for private pilots.
During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to
discuss the concept of sublimation, which is the act of
going from a gas to a solid, while skipping the intermediate
liquid stage.
As an example, he gave water vapor in the air condensing
on a windshield to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had
understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could
provide an example of something that went straight from a
solid to a gas.
He was expecting dry ice as the answer when one of the
students blurted out, "Burritos!"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of
our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly
deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth
of life insurance. But he had one last question.
"Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel
mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly
about the platform, wildy gesturing with one hand
and jerking the mike cord along with the other.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up
in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it
again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the
third pew leaned toward her mother and said,
"If he gets loose, we better run!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Janie Gill, 69,
Greenwood County,
Kansas
A grandmother was arrested for dumping
a vulnerable 17 year-old orphan at a
highway rest area.
Janie Gill, 69, drove the 'possibly autistic' teenager, who is
also non-verbal, across state lines in late November and left him
off the highway in Greenwood County, Kansas. She left the boy,
named as Guy, with no money, medication, identification, or means
to communicate and says she did so because she could not handle
the teenager, police say.
'It's just really upsetting knowing that he was left,' the
teenager's former teacher, Jessica Burdine told KAKE News. 'He's
non verbal, unable to communicate his feelings and his needs and
it just breaks my heart that he would just be left without
anybody to care for him'
It was unclear how long Guy, whose parents are dead, had been at
the rest stop before Kansas deputies found him, said Rogers
County Sheriff Scott Walton. Authorities believe he was abandoned
for up to 24 hours before he was found by a custodian at the rest
stop. 'It's just sad as all get out,' Walton said.
'On a positive note, I really believe this kid's going to come
out better.' A neighbor told investigators that Gill locked her
grandson in a room overnight and when she went to work.
When authorities searched her home they found a 'deadbolt locking
device' that 'had a key on the outside of the door,' so it could
only be locked, or unlocked, from the outside. Gill told
authorities multiple false stories about why she abandoned her
grandson before she finally confessed that she left the boy at
the rest stop because she knew someone would find him and give
him the care he needs. Investigators say Gill was on her way to
pick up her husband, who was being released from a Kansas prison.
Originally, she told police that she left the boy with a relative
in Ada, Oklahoma, but that was proven to be false. According to
Walton, the incident may have a happy ending. He said the boy is
happy and likes where he is now, in protective custody in Kansas.
Gill was arrested for child neglect and is being held on $500,000
bond until she will be extradited to Greenwood County to be
formally charged.
According to Sheriff Walton, the incident may have a happy
ending. He said the boy is happy and likes where he is now, in
protective custody in Kansas.
From: Lee
Re: Another registry cleaner
Dear Webby,
Enjoy your newsletter.'I have a question. Are you familiar
with a software program called "Advenced Cleaner"?
If so, is it effective, and is there any cost involved with it.
Will it interfere with any other cleaning programs I have
unstalled such as window washer, or Quick clean?
The company website does not have a phone number,
etc. so cannot talk to anyone live.
Thank you,
Lee
Dear Lee
Just use Spybot-Search&Destroy and Crap Cleaner.
Those are proven to be good for decades,
and are free.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing
"wedding." The wedding vows went like this:
"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will
be held against you, you don't have the right to have an
attorney present, but you may kiss the bride."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of
those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the
sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers."
Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels,
ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers,
and
an apology to my wife!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Paint Off Hinges
It can be difficult to put masking tape on hinges to keep
paint off them. Instead, cover them with petroleum jelly.
Any paint that gets on them will be easy to wipe off,
even after the paint dries.
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Ten times earth revealed it's weirdness in 2017.
|
___________________________________________________
Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get
himself checked.
After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve,
based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out
all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."
"To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the
best. What's the SECOND best?"
___________________________________________________
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know
what we mean by sins of omission?"
A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have
committed, but didn't?"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas
Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a
gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 18 in
1796 The "Monitor," of Baltimore, MD, was published as the first
Sunday newspaper.
1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New York
City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and Crippled.
1865 U.S. Secretary of State William Seward issued a statement
verifying the ratification of the 13th Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution. The amendment abolished slavery with the
declaration: "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except
as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly
convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place
subject to their jurisdiction."
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph).
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the
U.S. for an annual rent.
1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was
announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953.
1915 U.S. President Wilson, widowed the year before, married
Edith Bolling Galt at her Washington home.
1916 During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the Allies
defeated the Germans in the Battle of Verdun.
1935 A $1 silver certificate was issued for the first time in the
U.S.
1936 Su-Lin, the first giant panda to come to the U.S. from
China, arrived in San Francisco, CA. The bear was sold to the
Brookfield Zoo for $8,750.
1940 Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering preparations
for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Operation "Barbarossa"
was launched in June 1941.
1944 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation of
Japanese-Americans, but also stated that undeniably loyal
Americans of Japanese ancestry could not be detained.
1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western
Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary.
1953 WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso commercial, it
was the first color telecast seen on a local station.
1956 "To Tell the Truth" debuted on CBS-TV.
1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations.
1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania went
online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate electricity
in the United States. It was taken out of service in 1982.
1963 Ron Clarke set a world record when he ran six miles in 28
minutes and 15.6 seconds.
1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates.
1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder.
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy.
1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of North
Vietnam during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days later.
1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in London.
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by
Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph.
1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point in
the 34th game of the season.
1987 Ivan F. Boesky was sentenced to three years in prison for
plotting Wall Street's biggest insider-trading scandal. He only
served about two years of the sentence.
1996 Despite a U.N. truce, factional fighting in the Somali
capital of Mogadishu, broke out in which at least 300 fighters
and civilians were killed.
1998 The U.S. House of Representatives began the debate on the
four articles of impeachment concerning U.S. President Bill
Clinton. It was only the second time in U.S. history that process
had begun.
1998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the U.S.
attacks on Iraq.
1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution
since capital punishment was restored.
1999 After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt County, CA,
for two years, environmental activist Julia "Butterfly" Hill came
down, ending her anti-logging protest.
2001 Mark Oliver Gebel, a Ringling Bros. Circus star, went on
trial for animal abuse. The charges stemmed from an incident with
an elephant that was marching too slowly into a circus
performance on August 25, 2001. He was acquitted on December 21,
2001.
2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The
cathedral is the largest in the United States.
2001 In Seattle, WA, Gary Leon Ridgeway pled innocent to the
charge of murder for four of the Green River serial killings. He
had been arrested on November 30, 2001.
2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its Saab
brand.
2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law with
its policy of digitizing books and fined the company a $14,300-a-
day fine until it rids its search engine of the literary
extracts.
2009 James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the United
States. On January 26, the movie became the highest-grossing film
worldwide.
2010 In Nanjing, China, the Zifeng Tower opened.
2018 smiled.
|
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| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 171 )
Open Office or Google Docs? Friday, December 14, 2018, 07:08 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, December 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Did you see the Geminid meteor shower?
It is not always in winter. I remember when I was ten or maybe
twelve, it was in summer. The Alpine club went for a climbing
excursion to the Dolomites in South Tirol, now awarded to Italy
to punish Austria for losing WWI. Well, the folks still talked
German with a heavy Tirolean accent.
We got there just by nightfall and had a four or five hour march
up to the Alpine Club lodge. As soon as it was pitch black dark,
and the trail just lit by star light, I noticed a falling star!
WOW! Naturally I remembered the stories, that if you wished upon
a falling star without breathing, the wish would come true.
Well, I had a crush on a girl named Maria. So I silently said her
name each time I saw a falling star. Around midnight there were
probably ten falling stars per minute, maybe more.
Well, the climb the next day was very exciting. Nothing ever
happened with Maria. The cousin who had promised to give her a
message, forgot. And eventually I forgot about that Maria.
However, for about 25 years, every girl, who tangled with me, had
Maria or Mary in her name.
Even the American, who talked me into coming to this continent
with her in 1970, and who then promptly dumped me after hitch-
hiking from New York to the Yukon, was named Mary.
Around 1990 the Mary's tapered off.
The stars apparently had stopped working.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
DUI suspect found asleep at wheel,
arrested after high-speed chase
______________________________________________________
Today, December 14 in
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and bolt
machine. Machine made consistent and interchangeable nuts and
bolts are often considered the main ingredient of the Industrial
Revolution.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
--- Mae West (1892 - 1980)
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
--- Mo Udall
Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those
who do not.
--- Thomas Jefferson
Is that why Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton
want gun control so badly?
______________________________________________________
If some hacker using one of your friend's messenger posts this:
"I saw your name on the list and i want to know if you've got
your money from the authority or not before it's closes..."
feel free to use your most insulting cuss words. Get right
carried away!
When your friend sees that, she or he will fall down laughing.
They know you would not talk to THEM that way.
Contact your friends via email and tell them to change their
Facebook and Messenger password, because some no-good Nigerian
crook is abusing it.
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
When Trump was visiting Israel he met the Israeli Prime Minister.
In classic Trump style, the U.S. President offers a gift to his
guest.
"Here you go, says Trump. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac.
It's their finest model."
"Thank you, Mr. President, but I can not accept this magnificent
gift." replies the Prime Minister.
"Oh. I understand about gift limits. Ok then ... give me a half
dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift." replies Trump.
The Prime Minister gives Trump a dollar.
"I don't have any change ... too bad" says the President.
"No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts the
Prime Minister.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
When John died, his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of
the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very
well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course
I knew he died of diarrhea. But it was his last wish,
for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather
than just full of crap, like he always was."
______________________________________________________
Don't worry. If you don't open your parachute, you will
probably land in the same country as your car keys.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Valdez Carrillo,
Maricopa,
Arizona
DUI suspect found asleep at wheel,
arrested after high-speed chase
It was 6 a.m. on Sunday when Maricopa Police found 20-year-old
Luis Valdez Carrillo asleep behind his steering wheel on State
Route 347.
Earlier that morning, police received a report that a dark-
colored Dodge Charger ran into the center median on Interstate 10
and the vehicle was sitting at a green light for several cycles
at SR 347 and Edison Road in Maricopa.
After being woken up by officers, Valdez Carrillo appeared to
have “bloodshot watery eyes, slow dextral movement and dazed
expression,” according to the report. When police activated their
red and blue lights, Valdez Carrillo acknowledged the officers’
presence and allegedly drove off at a “high rate of speed.”
According to the report, he was weaving through lanes and nearly
struck an officer with his vehicle. Officers eventually lost
visual sight of Valdez Carrillo and set up a perimeter of his
last known location.
The vehicle was spotted later across town on Dutchman Drive in
Maricopa Meadows, and Valdez-Carrillo was located in the back
seat and arrested. At the police station, he blew a 0.150 and
0.147 during an alcohol breath test, according to police records.
Valdez Carrillo was charged with underage driving under the
influence of alcohol and possession of alcohol by an underage
person, unlawful flight from law enforcement vehicle,
endangerment, reckless driving, aggravated DUI with license
revoked and an open container violation.
Valdez Carrillo is held in the Pinal County Jail on $40,000 bond.
He is scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 18.
From: Donny
Re: Open Office or Google?
Dear Webby,
Thank you again for your newsletter and for your help in
the past. I am just wondering if you know whether or not
"Google Spreadsheets and Documents" are as good as
"Open Office".
I am now running MS Office 2000 and can no longer get updates so
I'm considering changing.
Also. will these other programs read my previously created
documents (Word, Excel) and allow editing of them ?
Any advice would be helpful and a reply would be appreciated -
I will, however, watch the newsletter; which I am getting with
no problems in Gmail.
Thank you,
Donny
Dear Donny
Google spreadsheets and documents are in Google format,
and stored on Google, so that collaborators can work on them
from various locations.
While that may be handy for some specific tasks, it's not really
what you need. I found them to be awkward and very slow.
Open Office uses OPEN format, totally independent of the type
of machine or operating system. It can read your WORD DOC and
Excel stuff and even save in that format
Converting to Open Office is totally painless and there is no
need to get rid of M$ Office. It is free but a huge program,
though, and will take a while to download. But it is well worth
it!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Q. What do you call a redneck couple with only two kids, each?
A. Newlyweds.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Kati for this story:
One day, Johnny Jones was walking down Main Street when
he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
Bubba, where'd ya git dat truck?!?"
"Tina gived it to me" Bubba replied
"She gived it to ya?
"I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
"Well, Johnny, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin'
out on County Road 301, in the middle of nowheres.
Tina pulled off the road, put the truck in four-wheel drive,
and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out,
threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want.'
So I took the truck! "
"Bubba, yore a smart man! Her clothes woulda never fit ya."
She will shoot him when she gets back to town.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Writing Notes on the Bathroom Mirror
When I need to do something in the AM, I jot a note on the
bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker at night. I see it
as I am dressing and brushing teeth, and I can then wipe
it off the mirror with a tissue.
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The Shirk Report
|
___________________________________________________
>From Thorn
During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., my squad
was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway
through, we realized we'd lost our map.
The patrol navigator informed us, "Our odds are 1 in 359
that we'll get out of here."
"How did you come up with that?" someone asked.
"Well," he replied, "one of the degrees on the compass
has to be right."
___________________________________________________
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice,
the Lord said, 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in
all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I
can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports
required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and
steel it would take..!
It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it,
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that could
possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives I
want to know how she feels inside what she's thinking when she
gives me the silent treatment.., why she cries.., what she means
when she says: 'Nothing's wrong'.., and how I can make a woman
truly happy!'
The Lord replied: 'Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?'
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas
Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a
gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 14 in
1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was born
at St. Remy, Provence, France.
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and bolt
machine. Machine made consistent and interchangeable nuts and
bolts are often considered the main ingredient of the Industrial
Revolution.
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his
revolutionary Quantum Theory.
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. The
engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged in the
attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, the modern
aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft for 12 seconds
and flew 102 feet.
1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to
reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days ahead of
Captain Robert F. Scott.
1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in a
General Election.
1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations.
1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10 others
were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed at the
Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps.
1946 The U.N. General Assembly voted to establish the United
Nation's headquarters in New York City.
1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president.
1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It
transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and surface
temperature.
1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police after
holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near the Dutch
town of Beilen.
1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in war
in 1967.
1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions in
Lebanon for the first time after American F-14 reconnaissance
flights were fired on.
1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major
American Indian tribe as she formally took office as principal
chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma.
1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and
Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-stop,
non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine days to
complete.
1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling
several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had
driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected.
1988 CBS won the exclusive rights to major league baseball's
1990-94 seasons for $1.1 billion.
1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went
into service.
1990 After 30 years in exile, ANC president Oliver Tambo returned
to South Africa.
1993 A judge in Colorado struck down the state's voter-approved
Amendment Two prohibiting gay rights laws, calling it
unconstitutional.
1993 The United Mine Workers approved a five-year contract that
ended a strike that had reached seven states and involved some of
the nation's biggest coal operators.
1995 The presidents of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia, Croatia
signed the Dayton Accords to end fighting in Bosnia.
1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-marrow
transplant from a baboon.
1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a
dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding
Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan."
1997 Mike Gartner (Phoenix Coyotes) became only the fifth player
in National Hockey League (NHL) history to score 700 career
goals.
1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an
official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's
upcoming visit to Cuba.
1998 Hundreds of Palestinian leaders renounced a call for the
destruction of Israel.
1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2
billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers.
1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts"
comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was
published on February 13, 2000.
2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope would
be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian reasons. Pope
had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after his conviction on
espionage charges.
2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000 troops
to join an international peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to
Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent to
replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on
November 4.
2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft
to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third
robotic rover to land on the moon.
2018 smiled.
|
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| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 427 )
Thursday, December 13, 2018, 11:04 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 13
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Woman pulled over for DUI in St. Augustine claims "it sucks to be pretty,"
______________________________________________________
Today, December 13 in
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left
Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the
globe. The journey took almost three years.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.
--- Fred Thompson
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
--- Author unknown
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Martin for this story:
A 3-year-old tells all
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and
my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a
half years old and had just recovered from an accident in
which my arm had been broken among other injuries.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift
and it was one of my favourite toys. Daddy was in the living
room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was
playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a
little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups
of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came
home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch
me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest
thing!!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the
hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink
it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place
that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'
And sure enough........!!!
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin
when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs.
Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and
I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.'
They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these
days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles,
10 in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband
doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome
to blow up yer fookin' candle.'
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Angela for bringing back this classic:
Yesterday I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my dog and was about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think
I had? PIGEONS since I'm retired, with little to do?
I told her that no I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the
Purina Diet again. I explained that I probably shouldn't be going
back on this diet because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,
although I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that
the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so
I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line
was by now enthralled with my story).
Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because
the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; that I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack, he was laughing so hard!
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Kim Tranter,
42,
St. Augustine,
Floriduh
Woman pulled over for DUI in St. Augustine
claims "it sucks to be pretty"
A woman was arrested in St. Augustine for driving under the
influence, according to St. Augustine Beach Police Department.
St. Augustine police pulled over Kim Tranter for going 45 mph in
a 30 mph, according to the report. The report said Tranter told
police she was trying to get away from someone but could not tell
the officer from whom she was trying to get away from.
While Tranter was looking for her license, registration and proof
of insurance the report said, "The defendant picked up her cell
phone and put in a numerical code to unlock her cell phone, as if
she forgot I requested her driver license, registration, and
proof of insurance."
The report says she claimed she only had two drinks.
The report noted on the way to the jail, the defendant said, "It
sucks to be pretty, but that's life though," and that she "stole
two pieces of pizza and a sh---y box of wine."
Not pretty enough to get away with drunk driving, stealing pizza and wine.
From: many
Re: Free Anti Virus programs
A lot of people wrote in and reported that AVG seems to
be working fine for them, even on old systems.
As long as there are no delicate data involved, it seems to be
good enough.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Jai for this story:
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come
about?"
The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they
had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys,
and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom,
how is it possible that you told me that the human race was
created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple.
I told you about the origin of my side of the family,
and your father told you about his side."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Moshe Rosenberg is a new recruit in the British Army.
One day an officer asked him "What is your name?"
"Moshe Rosenberg" he replied.
The officer responded "You must say 'Sir' when you answer an
officer of the British Army. What is your name?"
"Sir Moshe Rosenberg."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning With Salt
A paste of salt and vinegar help clean tarnished brass or
copper. You can cover spilled juice or wine with salt to
absorb much of the stain. Soaking washable fabrics in
salt water will help remove many stubborn stains.
For cleaning purposes use plain salt not iodized salt.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
Cast iron frying pans and Woks that have
an age old "seasoning" or oil patina, can be safely cleaned with
salt, without endangering the patina or enraging the chef.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
|
|
Miss Universe 2018 national costume contest.
|
___________________________________________________
Bill was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman
he had recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd,
they wrapped their arms around each other, swaying to the music.
After a particularly romantic song, his date turned to face him.
With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..."
Totally thrilled, he looked into her eyes and whispered,
"Do you mean our houses or our friendship?"
Puzzled, she replied, "No, you dummy! ...To the stage."
___________________________________________________
An elderly woman walked into a liquor store with two guns,
pointed them at the shop-keeper and said "Give me six bottles
of scotch whiskey, all the money in the till, and then I want
you to take me into your storeroom and make love to me."
The shopkeeper got her the six bottles of scotch, emptied the
money from the till into the old woman's handbag, and then
went with her into the storeroom and made love to her.
In the excitement the old lady dropped the guns on the floor.
The shop-keeper paused a moment, then said "Madam, could you
please pick up your guns again, I'm expecting my wife to
arrive any minute."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 13 in
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left
Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the
globe. The journey took almost three years.
1636 The United States National Guard was created when militia
regiments were organized by the General Court of the
Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman.
1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in
Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was performed
without an anesthetic.
1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock.
1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were
killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates
under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg.
1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established.
1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-operated
weighing machine.
1913 It was announced by authorities in Florence, Italy, that the
"Mona Lisa" had been recovered. The work was stolen from the
Louvre Museum in Paris in 1911.
1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the
Pacific Treaty.
1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing).
An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks.
The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking."
1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly
damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were
killed in the attack.
1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President
Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio
Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a
century-old border dispute.
1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda’s
President Milton Obote was returned to office.
1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt to
crack down on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law ended
formally in 1983.
1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that
$11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It
was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history.
1987 U.S. Secretary of State George Shultz told reporters in
Copenhagen, Denmark, that the Reagan administration would begin
making funding requests for the proposed Star Wars defense
system.
1988 PLO chairman Yasser Arafat addressed the U.N. General
Assembly in Geneva, where it had reconvened after the United
States had refused to grant Arafat a visa to visit New York.
1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of
the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real
estate developer for $65 million.
1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first time
with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson Mandela,
at de Klerk's office in Cape Town.
1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed to
join the new Commonwealth of Independent States.
1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non-aggression
agreement.
1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a
hearing before property linked to illegal drug sales can be
seized.
1993 The European Community ratified a treaty creating the
European Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1, 1994.
1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people crashed
short of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina,
killing 15 people.
1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei Jingsheng,
who already had spent 16 years in prison, was sentenced to 14
more years.
1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non-binding
referendum.
1998 Gary Anderson (Minnesota Vikings) kicked six field goals
against Baltimore. In the game Anderson set an National Football
League (NFL) record for 34 straight field goals without a miss.
2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000 Presidential
election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The Florida electoral
votes were won by only 537 votes, which decided the election. The
election had been contested up to the U.S. Supreme Court, which
said that the Florida recount (supported by the Florida Supreme
Court) was unconstitutional.
2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally Unit in
Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering civilian
workers and prison employees. They fled with stolen clothing,
pickup truck and 16 guns and ammunition.
2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed Osama
bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of the terrorist
attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush served formal notice to Russia
that the United States was withdrawing from the 1972 Anti-
Ballistic Missile Treaty.
2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel also
launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in response
to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis.
2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven people
and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers during a 90-
minute gunbattle.
2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor
commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the
conditions for accepting liquor ads.
2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two counts
of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special
circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and
multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey Thompson.
Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway
on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set
nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first
person to travel more than 400 mph on land.
2018 smiled.
|
[ view entry ]
| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 357 )
Wednesday, December 12, 2018, 09:25 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 12
Tomorrow, Thursday night will be the best night for watching
falling stars.
The Geminid Meteor shower peaks Thursday night around midnight
with about 120 falling stars per hour. Dress warmly and set up a
lawn chair facing South or South-West.
The Geminids come in high up, no obstructions along the horizon
interfering. As long as it does not snow in your area, you should
see lots of them!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Ohio Tattoo monster facing shoplifting
and drug charges
______________________________________________________
Today, December 12 in
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1,
made its first flight.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do
with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
--- Susan Ertz,
______________________________________________________
A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some
road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The
first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer
crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew
member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been
waiting to cross?"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Jones is driving past the state mental hospital
when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones
is changing the tire, another car goes by, running
over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping
the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a
nearby storm drain.
Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to
go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind
the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has
been watching the whole thing.
"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off
each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your
tires on until you can get to a garage or something."
Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality,
but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare
tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls
back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty
sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because
I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The new patient was sharing his woes with an understanding
doctor: "After the first, I'm usually tired and winded, Doc.
After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains
in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it
takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return
to normal."
"Why don't you quit after the first?" inquired the doctor.
"How can I do that, Doc?" said the patient. "I live on the
third."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Alyssa Zebrasky, 27,
Youngstown,
Ohio
Ohio Tattoo monster facing shoplifting
and drug charges
An Ohio woman is facing theft and drug-related charges after a
shoplifting arrest at Walmart.
According to WFMJ-TV, police were called to the store near
Youngstown when an employee saw a woman stealing a bag while
leaving the store. Officers arrested 27-year-old Alyssa Zebrasky
and found a hypodermic needle and baggies containing what
Zabrasky admitted were methamphetamine and a Suboxone pill.
Zebrasky, who has gained fame online after her arrest due to her
unique facial tattoos, was already wanted for failure to appear
on an obstructing justice charge, WFMJ reported.
From: Sharon
Re: Free Anti Virus programs
Dear Webby,
I have been reading your letter for several years now &
really do enjoy a fresh way to start the day.
I love the good clean jokes & some wonderful pictures.
Also your tech dept has been very useful. Thanks, ever so much.
I am curious about what you know about the free" avast"
antivirus" program & free "avg antivirus" program.
Thanks so much for all the help.
Sharon
Dear Sharon
Those free anti-virus programs are definitely better than
nothing at all.
Personally, I consider paying $30 for MalwareBytes well worth it.
It all depends on how much your data is worth to you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Just do it!!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A church had a man in the choir who could not sing. Several
people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he
continued to come to the choir. The choir director became
desperate and went to the pastor.
"You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you
don't, I am going to resign and the choir members are going to
quit too. Please do something."
So the pastor went to the man and suggested,
"Perhaps you should leave the choir."
"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.
"Well, five or six people have told me that you can't sing."
"That's nothing," the man snorted.
"Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Canned Cream Soups
Cream soups, like cream of mushrooms, make easy sauces for
vegetables, sauces and casserole filling. Stock up on cream
soups when they are sale, they are a great time saving
staple to have in your pantry.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Your daily dose of internet.
|
___________________________________________________
Thanks to Millie for this one:
My husband, sons, and I had stopped to take in a spectacular
sunset and were on our way back to our car when four Buddhist
monks walked by.
When our sons asked about them, I explained, "Their life is
a quest for enlightenment."
"I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said and
jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?"
"Or a Honda Odyssey," I said.
The monks got into a Pathfinder.
___________________________________________________
GROAN ALERT!
(Some of you may have to read this one out loud, to get it.)
Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at
all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a
party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles
Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and
said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?"
Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but
two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it."
The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?"
Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.
|
What's the Heirloom Christmas
Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that
should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a gift!
___________________________________________________
Today December 12 in
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of
his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn.
1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the United
States.
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of
radio at Toynbee Hall, London.
1897 The comic strip"The Katzenjammer Kids" (Hans and Fritz), by
Rudolph Dirks, appeared in the New York Journal for the first
time.
1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee.
1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel
Corporation.
1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked up
near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo Marconi.
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1, made
its first flight.
1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The
farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to
girls.
1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in San
Luis Obispo, CA.
1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on China's
Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and paid $2.2
million in reparations.
1947 The United Mine Workers union withdrew from the American
Federation of Labor.
1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's first
nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship to bear the
name Nautilus.
1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave $500,000,000
to private hospitals, colleges and medical schools.
1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the first
hovercraft.
1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain.
1975 Sara Jane Moore pled guilty to a charge of trying to kill
U.S. President Ford in San Francisco the previous September.
1982 20,000 women encircled Greenham Common air base in Britain
in protest against proposed cite of U.S. Cruise missiles there.
1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S.
embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible for
the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went off in
different locations.
1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan,
William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social Security
benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day.
1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed when
an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland after
takeoff.
1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong and
returned them to their homeland.
1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to four
years in prison for tax evasion.
1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in
California, the first web server outside of Europe was installed.
1994 The Brazilian Supreme Court acquitted former President
Fernando Collor de Mello of corruption charges that had forced
him to resign in 1992.
1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment giving
Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other forms of
desecration against the American flag.
1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home after
almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian Serbs.
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known as
"Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of killing
two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He was
convicted and sentenced to life in prison.
1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell its
Internet browser separately from its Windows operating system to
prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access programs.
1998 The House Judiciary Committee rejected censure, and approved
the final article of impeachment against U.S. President Clinton.
The case was submitted to the full House for a verdict.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court found that the recount ordered by the
Florida Supreme Court in the 2000 U.S. Presidential election was
unconstitutional. U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the
election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush the next day.
2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers,
abandoned his final round of appeals and asked that his execution
be set within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the April 1995
truck bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal Building in Oklahoma
City, OK, that killed 168 and injured 500.
2000 The Texas Rangers signed Alex Rodriguez to a record breaking
10-year, $252 million contract. The contract amount broke all
major league baseball records and all professional sports
records.
2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being
the leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his
role in the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the deaths
of four Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down five years
before.
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at
Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical
drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing and
hair accessories were valued at $4,760.
2018 smiled.
|
[ view entry ]
| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 412 )
Tuesday, December 11, 2018, 10:57 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 11
Thursday night will be the best night for watching falling stars.
The Geminid Meteor shower peaks Thursday night around midnight
with about 120 falling stars per hour. Dress warmly and set up a
lawn chair facing South or South-West.
The Geminids come in high up, no obstructions along the horizon
interfering. As long as it does not snow in your area, you should
see lots of them!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Wyoming man, woman make 900-mile drive with
children in trunk, dogs in back seat
______________________________________________________
Today, December 11 in
1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris
with nine exhibitors.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment
for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original,
you will have to ram it down their throats.
--- Howard Aiken (1900 - 1973)
______________________________________________________
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a gift!
A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled
'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor.
"'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing
where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing.
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you
like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I
wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me,
I said you look fat in those pants."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
An American tourist was visiting in the Netherlands. During his
stay in Amsterdam his watch stopped running. He asked one of the
locals where he could get his watch fixed. The tourist was guided
to the Jewish section of town. He was then directed toward a shop
that had clocks displayed in the window. The American tourist
entered the shop. Inside, behind a desk, sat an elderly Jewish
man with a full beard.
TOURIST: Hello.
JEWISH MAN: Hello.
TOURIST: I came here to have my watch fixed.
JEWISH MAN: Sorry, I don't fix watches. I am a Mohel.
TOURIST: What's a Mohel?
JEWISH MAN: A Mohel is a Jewish Man who performs ritual
circumcisions.
TOURIST: Ritual circumcisions! But why do you have all
those clocks in the window?!
JEWISH MAN: So what you want me to have in my window?
______________________________________________________
Sent by Trish
Storm picture by
Ricky Pool in Bendigo Victoria Australia
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Michael J. Fee, 63,
Amber L. Freudenstein, 31,
Casper,
Wyoming
Wyoming man, woman make 900-mile drive with
children in trunk, dogs in back seat
A man and woman admitted in court they drove from Arizona to
Wyoming with two children in the trunk of their car.
Sixty-three-year-old Michael J. Fee and 31-year-old Amber L.
Freudenstein each pleaded guilty Thursday to two misdemeanor
counts of child endangerment.
The Casper Star-Tribune reports Circuit Judge Steven Brown
sentenced each to 30 days in jail. Fee is from Peoria, Arizona,
and Freudenstein is from Tempe, Arizona.
Sheriff's office officials say a third party told them the
children reported riding in the trunk for much of the 900-mile
drive while two German shepherds sat in the back seat.
Fee said in court there was not enough room for everyone so the
children were relegated to the trunk. Court documents show the
children are about 6 and 10 years old.
“I tried to make things as safe as I could for them,” he said.
“It wasn’t anything malicious.”
From: Jaye
Re: Problem with junkmail
Dear Webby,
Getting flooded with a ton of junk mail and need to
know if there is a good spam catcher.
Thanks for all your hellp....
You advice keeps my Computer running smoothly.
Jaye.
Dear Jaye
Go to http://webby.com/mailwasher
and get MailWasher.
You can get a free 30 day trial and get started immediately.
I have been using MailWasher for years and it takes care of
over 4000 pieces of spam in my mail every day.
When you do eventually buy it, it is just under $30, and well
worth it. Plus they buy me a regular coffee for dragging you in
out of the rain.
I have tried many spam control products over the years,
and MailWasher beats them all.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A bad joke bonehead award goes to a Texas rancher who
depreciated 15 to 20 animals, something only allowed if the
animals are used in breeding who, when asked by the
IRS agent at an audit, "I presume you breed these animals?"
replied that he didn't, giving his accountant a heart attack.
But then, after a pregnant pause, continued,
"I've got a bull for that."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Everybody's heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were
very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.
They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot
into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost,
and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the
pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy. They fueled up his airplane,
gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing,
complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in
prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such
a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the
same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded
the plane...only this time there were two people inside.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want
to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her
where I was last night!"
------------------------
If you ARE interested in Area 51, head up Interstate 15 from
Las Vegas towards Utah, hang a left at Highway 93, turn left at
Extraterrestrial Highway, yes it's really called that!,
about 40 Miles to 51 Road on the left. If you don't get stopped,
about half an hour down that road is Area 51.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Day of the Week Hangers
To make things easier, I made up a set of hangers with the
days of the week on them. On Sundays, I go through my
son's closet and put outfits together, then hang one on
each "day of the week" hanger.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week.
|
___________________________________________________
Thanks to John for this story:
I made the decision to finally do something about the 600
pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame. So, I headed down to
the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the
tremendous selection of different shoes. Flat arch, high
arch, over-pronator, neutral-pronator, under-pronator . . . my
God!
I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, I asked
the saleslady, "What's this little pocket thing on the side for?"
She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call
a cab when you've jogged too far."
___________________________________________________
Thanks to Marion for this:
Women's Lament:
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have
no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with
money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and
have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy
and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSED sex???
-----------------------
What's so confusing with clear guidelines like that?
Make the first move and get on with life!
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend.
Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier
to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the
car."
"Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will
turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it
should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell
your car?"
"No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on
it."
___________________________________________________
Today December 11 in
1719 The first recorded sighting of the aurora borealis took
place in New England.
1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds.
1792 France's King Louis XVI went before the Convention, which
had replaced the National Assembly, to face charges of treason.
He was convicted and condemned and was sent to the guillotine the
following January.
1844 Dr. Horace Wells became the first person to have a tooth
extracted after receiving an anesthetic for the dental procedure.
Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, was the anesthetic.
1872 Pinckney Benton Stewart Pinchback became America's first
black governor when he took office as acting governor of
Louisiana.
1882 Boston's Bijou Theater had its first performance. It was the
first American playhouse lit exclusively by electricity.
1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris with nine
exhibitors.
1928 In Buenos Aires, police thwarted an attempt on the life of
President-elect Herbert Hoover.
1930 The Bank of the United States in New York failed.
1936 Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated in order to marry
American Wallis Warfield Simpson. He became the Duke of Windsor.
1937 The Fascist Council in Rome, withdrew Italy from the League
of Nations.
1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States. The U.S
in turn declared war on the two countries.
1946 The United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund
(UNICEF) was established by the U.N. General Assembly. The fund
provides relief to children in countries devastated by war.
1961 The first direct American military support for South Vietnam
occurred when a U.S. aircraft carrier carrying Army helicopters
arrived in Saigon.
1967 The prototype of the Concorde was shown for the first time
in Toulouse, France.
1973 West German Chancellor Willy Brandt and Czech Prime Minister
Lubomir Strougal formally nullified the 1938 Munich pact when
they signed a treaty sanctioning Hitler's seizure of
Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed into law legislation
creating $1.6 billion environmental "superfund" that would be
used to pay for cleaning up chemical spills and toxic waste
dumps.
1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st fight
to Trevor Berbick.
1985 General Electric Company agreed to buy RCA Corporation for
$6.3 billion. Also included in the deal was NBC Radio and
Television.
1986 The government of South Africa expanded its media
restrictions by imposing prior censorship and banning coverage of
a wide range of peaceful anti-apartheid protests.
1987 Charlie Chaplin's trademark cane and bowler hat were sold at
Christie's for £82,500.
1988 62 people were killed in a Mexico City marketplace when tons
of illegal fireworks exploded.
1990 Ivana Trump was divorced from Donald Trump after 12 years of
marriage.
1991 Salman Rushdie, under an Islamic death sentence for
blasphemy, made his first public appearance since 1989 in New
York, at a dinner marking the 200th anniversary of the First
Amendment (which guarantees freedom of speech in the U.S.).
1994 Thousands of Russian troops, armored columns and jets
entered Chechnya. The move by Moscow was an effort to restore
control in the breakaway republic.
1994 The world's largest free trade zone was created when leaders
of 34 Western Hemisphere nations signed a free-trade declaration
known as "The Miami Process."
1996 In Crystal City, VA, "The Art of the Toy" opened. The
exhibit was at the Patent and Trademark Office Museum.
1997 Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams became the first political ally
of the IRA to meet a British leader in 76 years. He conferred
with Prime Minister Tony Blair in London.
1997 More than 270 Tutsi refugees from the Democratic Republic of
Congo were killed by Juto guerillas in Mudende, Rwanda.
1997 More than 150 countries agreed at a global warming
conference in Kyoto, Japan, to control the Earth's "greenhouse
gases."
1998 Scientists announced that they had deciphered the entire
genetic blueprint of a tiny worm.
1998 The Mars Climate Orbiter blasted off on a nine-month journey
to the Red Planet. However, the probe disappeared in September of
1999, apparently destroyed because scientists had failed to
convert English measures to metric values.
1998 Majority Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee pushed
through three articles of impeachment against U.S. President
Clinton.
2000 Mario Lemeiux, owner of Pittsburgh Penquins, announced that
he would end his three-plus year retirement and become an active
National Hockey League (NHL) player again. When Lemieux returned
officially he became the first owner/player in NHL history.
2001 U.S. Attorney General Ashcroft announced the first federal
indictment directly related to the terrorist attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. Zacarias Moussaoui was
charged with six conspiracy charges. Moussaoui was in custody at
the time of the attacks.
2001 Ted Turner purchased 12,000 acres in Nebraska for Bison
ranches.
2001 It was announced that U.S. President George W. Bush would
withdraw the U.S. from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty
with Russia.
2001 Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities as part of
"Operation Buccaneer." The raids were used to gain evidence
against an international software piracy ring.
2009 The game Angry Birds was released.
2013 Standard & Poors announced that Facebook would join its S&P
500 index "after the close of trading on December 20."
2018 smiled.
|
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Internet Shortcuts not linking to browser Monday, December 10, 2018, 07:41 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 10
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Fla. Man Stole Sneakers After Job
Interview at Kohl's
Blondie jumping onto frozen lake
______________________________________________________
Today, December 10 in
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy
demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused
and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like
and let the food fight it out inside.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress,
no matter how slow.
--- Plato
______________________________________________________
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a gift!
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Martin for this story:
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back
and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was
that there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made contact, "Connie....Connie."
"Is that you, Joe?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast
and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe
in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud- lots of greens) another
romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex
the rest of the afternoon. After supper,
it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much
needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!"
"Not exactly... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Cookie for this story: (As sent by her,
from the hospital)
Cookie, Upset over the recent death of her
husband Bob, So she decided to just kill herself
And join him in death.
Thinking it would be best to get it
Over with quickly, she took out Bob's old
Army pistol and made the decision to
Shoot herself in the heart since it was
So badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become
a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called
her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.
"Since you're a woman ,"
the doctor said, "the easiest way to locate your
heart is, it is just below your left breast.
Why do you ask?"
She hung up without answering
Later that night, Cookie was admitted to the hospital
With a gunshot wound to her left knee.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Heather Mapes,
43,
Des Moines,
Iowa
Mom drove to school drop-off while drunk,
nearly plowed into elementary students
Police said a Des Moines mother drove to the school drop-off
while drunk and nearly plowed into a group of elementary
students.
Heather Mapes, 43, is in jail Monday after police charged her
with child endangerment.
Police said Mapes was drunk, with slurred speech and watery eyes,
as she swerved into the bus lane at Garton Elementary School and
narrowly missed hitting a group of students.
"(It is) probably one of the worst-case scenarios, when you think
about it," said Des Moines police Sgt. Paul Parizek.
Parizek said Mapes was dropping off her 5-year-old daughter when
she hit the curb, and that the curb prevented her from hitting
students getting off the bus.
"It's really scary, because we've got not just her children
involved, which is bad enough, but now you're putting the
children of a lot of other families at risk when you show up at
the school in that condition," he said.
Jessica Bensley, whose 7-year-old daughter attends the school,
said she is thankful her child is safe.
"That's really scary that my daughter goes here and that could
have been her," Bensley said.
A bus driver, the principal and the dean of students at Garton
Elementary intervened and wouldn't let Mapes leave the scene.
According to a police report, Mapes told officers, "I didn't hit
the kids."
"There was a little bit of a dispute that began between Mapes and
one of the staff members at the school where there might have
been some pushing and shoving," Parizek said. "They called 911
(and) did the absolute right thing to keep the kids safe."
School officials also reported that Mapes had her 5-year-old
daughter in the front seat without a seat belt or a booster seat.
Police reports said Mapes told school officials that she had
taken prescription medications, but the school officials reported
smelling alcohol.
"She might need some help, you know, and I hope that she can be
honest and say that, because there (are) other people's lives
that are at factor and that she needs to be concerned about
that," Bensley said.
A spokesperson for Des Moines Public Schools said the district
commends the principal, dean of students and bus driver for their
quick response in making sure the incident did not turn out
worse.
From: Bill
Re: Internet Shortcuts not linking to browser
Dear Webby,
HI I HAVE PASTED INTERNET SHORT CUTS ONTO MY DESKTOP,
BUT WHEN I CLICK ON THEM THEY GIVE A MESSAGE THAT I WILL
HAVE TO CREATE A ASSOCIATION FOR THEM IN THE FOLDER
OPTIONS. I HAVE TRIED THIS BUT I MUST BE DOING
SOMETHING WRONG, CAN YOU HELP ?
THANKS BILL
Dear Bill
Open a File Explorer, Click on Tools,
Folder Options
File Types
In there scroll down to Internet Shortcut
and make sure your chosen browser is associated with it.
You might also want to try to just drag the little icon on the
left of the browser address bar onto the desktop, instead of
pasting anything. Dragging that icon to the desktop makes an
instant Internet shortcut, that can even be used to open your
chosen browser.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment,
Keli would often complain about anything, as she was tired
of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, Greg found a new apartment,
within their budget. However, after the first week, she began
complaining again.
"Greg," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no
curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every
time I take a bath."
"Don't worry." replied Greg. "If the neighbors do see
you, they'll buy curtains."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won't take long.
Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle
of the night?
Wife: Because I'm hot.
Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Wife: You don't love me anymore.
Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Wife: (Sob-Sob)
Husband: Alright, I'll do it.
Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband: I can't find it.
Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
Husband: Is it up far enough?
Wife: Oh, that's fine.
Husband: Now go to sleep and from now on,
when you want the window open, open it before you
go to bed.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Losing Weight
A common New Year's Resolution is losing weight. Companies
will sell you products that claim to help you lose weight, when
accompanied with changes in diet and exercise. Rather than
buying these products, start by developing a good exercise
routine and a healthy diet first.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Hundreds of caves filled with thousands of centuries-old statues and murals In China.
|
___________________________________________________
"Hello?" Linda responded, answering the phone.
"I bet you want me to come over to your house, take
you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to
toe, and then make mad passionate love to you all night
long," the male voice whispered sensuously.
"Gee," she replied. "You think you could tell all that just
from me saying 'hello' ? Well, you are wrong. But if you are good
at cleaning toilets, come on down to the High School."
___________________________________________________
After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered
the troops.
"People," she said, "I've just been informed that we're
going to be having a fire sale."
"A fire sale?" spoke up one agent. "But we sell insurance."
"I said a fire sale, and I meant it," she replied coldly.
"Anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A computer program crashed in the lawyer's office, so he called a
programmer. The programmer arrived, unpacked his case, did
mysterious programmer-type things for a while, and handed the
lawyer a bill for $600.
The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that
much as a lawyer!."
The programmer quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a
lawyer."
___________________________________________________
Today December 10 in
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy
demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused
and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521.
1845 British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first
pneumatic tires.
1851 American librarian Melvil Dewey was born. He created the
"Dewey Decimal Classification" system.
1898 A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended the
Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent of Spain.
1901 The first Nobel prizes were awarded.
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first American
to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for helping mediate an end
to the Russo-Japanese War.
1941 Japan invaded the Philippines.
1941 The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and Repulse were
sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Malaya.
1950 Dr. Ralph J. Bunche was presented the Nobel Peace Prize. He
was the first African-American to receive the award. Bunche was
awarded the prize for his efforts in mediation between Israel and
neighboring Arab states.
1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine with an
investment of $7,600.
1958 The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in the
U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami on a
National Airlines Boeing 707.
1964 In Oslo, Norway, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. received the
Nobel Peace Prize. He was the youngest person to receive the
award.
1982 The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries in
Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were excluded.
1984 South African Bishop Desmond Tutu received the Nobel Peace
Prize.
1990 The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant, a
long-acting contraceptive implant.
1992 Oregon Senator Bob Packwood apologized for what he called
"unwelcome and offensive" actions toward women. However, he
refused to resign.
1993 The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the repaired
Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit.
1994 Advertising executive Thomas Mosser of North Caldwell, NJ,
was killed by a mail bomb that was blamed on the Unabomber.
1994 Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres and Yitzhak Rabin received the
Nobel Peace Prize. They pledged to pursue their mission of
healing the Middle East.
1995 The first U.S. Marines arrived in the Bosnian capital of
Sarajevo to join NATO soldiers sent to enforce peace in the
former Yugoslavia.
1996 South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a new
democratic constitution, completing the country's transition from
white-minority rule to a non-racial democracy.
1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international
space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface.
1998 The Palestinian leadership scrapped constitutional clauses
that rejected Israel's existence.
1999 After three years under suspicion of being a spy for China,
computer scientist Wen Ho Lee was arrested. He was charged with
removing secrets from the Los Alamos weapons lab. Lee later pled
guilty to one count of downloading restricted data to tape and
was freed. The other 58 counts were dropped.
2003 The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, opponents
of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi reconstruction projects.
The ban did not prevent companies from winning subcontracts.
2007 Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first elected
female president.
2018 smiled.
|
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Sunday, December 9, 2018, 08:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Thank you very much, Frank!!!
Today is Sunday, December 9
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Fla. Man Stole Sneakers After Job
Interview at Kohl's
Blondie jumping onto frozen lake
______________________________________________________
Today, December 9 in
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent
for the ball-bearing roller skate.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth,
the egg of the phoenix.
--- Christina Baldwin
If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
--- Jimmy Buffett
Anyone who has never made a mistake
has never tried anything new.
--- Albert Einstein
______________________________________________________
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his
front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it."
For three days the fridge sat there without even
one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were too untrusting
of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he
hanged the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50."
The next day someone stole it.
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
My creative mother enjoys doing crafts, such as making
potpourri boxes decorated with ribbon and lace. Sometimes
she gets so involved that she disappears into her upstairs
workroom for hours, forgetting about more mundane things,
like making dinner.
One evening, I arrived home to find the kitchen empty again.
But this time, I found a note that said,
"Warning! Small craft advisory. Buy yourself a pizza!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Meredith for this famous classic:
( For English as a second language students: The old word
for donkey, as used in the bible, is ass. When used in that
sense, the word is no more obscene or objectionable than
the word donkey. )
The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered
it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that
he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered
the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that
she would have to get rid of the donkey,
so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop,
so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey
and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the head lines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried two days after that.
______________________________________________________
Dumbass parking
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Dominick Christopher Breedlove,
24,
Spring Hill,
Floriduh
Fla. Man Stole Sneakers After Job
Interview at Kohl's
A Florida man was arrested after he allegedly stole two pairs of
sneakers from a department store – minutes after interviewing for
a job there.
Deputies in Hernando County arrested Dominick Breedlove and
charged him with retail theft after the incident Wednesday
afternoon at a Kohl’s store in Spring Hill, located north of
Tampa.
According to NBC affiliate WFLA-TV, 24-year-old Breedlove went
into the store shortly after the interview and started looking at
a Nike display for women's shoes that did not have security tags.
Breedlove left the store and later returned with a bag from a
previous trip.
A loss prevention officer called the Hernando County Sheriff's
Office after seeing Breedlove put the sneakers, worth a combined
$150, inside the bag and leaving the store. Officers arrested
Breedlove on the way to his car, where he told deputies that he
had planned to gift the shoes to his mother.
Breedlove was booked into jail with a $500 bond. Needless to say,
he did not get the job, the sheriff's office said.
From: Cookie
Re: Open Office and PPS
Dear Webby,
My personal computer Guru,
Do I understand this correctly??? With Open Office you can snag
individual pictures from pps shows?
I sure hope so...there are so many fantastic pictures in pps
files.
Cookie
Dear Cookie
Yes, you can!
It opens the PPS with thumbnails of the individual pictures
down along the left margin, and the highlighted thumbnail as the
big picture in the center. You can edit the pictures, put text
on
them, change the duration of the show time, etc.
And you can of course save the individual pictures that
are "keepers".
Or you can hit F5 for a traditional sit-back show.
I can just hear you now: "Oh WOW! This is the way it should
have been all along!"
All of Open Office is that way. Like Microsoft Office SHOULD
have been all along. Microsoft Office is trying to catch up, but
in the meantime it got priced way too high for you and me.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements and
the director showed us into a room in which containers for
ashes were on display.
After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had
decided.
She sighed, "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go
into the ground."
After a moment's pause, however, she continued,
"But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look
good in blue!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life
miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he
was out in the field plowing.
One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife
brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he
quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of
nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule
kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head,
and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the
women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his
head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke
quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left,
the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it
that you nodded your head up and down to all the women
and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"
Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she
looked, and her dress was so pretty," so I agreed by
nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is
that mule for sale?"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
December's Best Food Buys
Buy food that is in season and you can save money at the
grocery store. Here are December's Best Buys: Apples, Beef,
Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, Chicken, Eggs, Grapefruit,
Oranges, Pork, Rhubarb, and Turnips.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Let's go to the Arctic.
|
___________________________________________________
Abe came home one day and found his wife Esther in tears.
"Darling, what's the matter?"
"Oh, Abe," cried Esther, "Doctor Cohen says I have tuberculosis."
"What! A big healthy woman like you has tuberculosis?
Ridiculous," said Abe. "I'll call Doctor Cohen and get this
sorted out right now."
So Abe called his doctor. "Doctor, Esther says ! you told her she
has tuberculosis."
The doctor said something to Abe, and with that, Abe began
laughing. "So what's so funny about my having such a dreadful
disease?" asked Esther.
"Esther, Doctor Cohen didn't say you that you have
'tuberculosis,' he said you have 'too big a tuchas'!"
___________________________________________________
Upon going away to college, my former brother-in-law
received a hand mixer from his mother because of his
fondness for mashed potatoes.
Later that semester, she asked him how the mixer was
working for him.
"Not very good," Terry said, "the potatoes keep flying
all over the kitchen."
After a perplexed pause, his mother asked, "Terry, did
you cook the potatoes first?"
To which a surprised Terry responded, "You have to
cook the potatoes first?"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Polands Worst Air Disaster
The worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
The search and rescue workers have recovered 1826
bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging
continues into the night. The pilot and passenger are helping
with the digging.
___________________________________________________
Today December 9 in
1783 The first executions at Newgate Prison took place.
1793 "The American Minerva" was published for the first time. It
was the first daily newspaper in New York City and was founded by
Noah Webster.
1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light
Brigade," was published in England.
1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company.
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the ball-bearing
roller skate.
1892 In London, "Widowers' Houses," George Bernard Shaw's first
play, opened at the Royalty Theater.
1907 Christmas Seals went on sale for the first time, in the
Wilmington, DE, post office.
1926 The United States Golf Association legalized the use of
steel-shafted golf clubs.
1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops led
by Viscount Allenby.
1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first major
offensive in North Africa.
1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM radio
advertising contract with experimental station W2XOR in New York
City.
1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy.
1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and regained his
world middleweight boxing title.
1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11 other men
met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society.
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer known as
"Univac 1107."
1962 "Lawrence of Arabia" by David Lean had its world premiere in
London.
1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion seasonal
loan authorization to prevent New York City from having to
default.
1978 The first game of the Women's Pro Basketball League (WBL)
was played between the Chicago Hustle and the Milwaukee Does.
1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members received
sentences in prison for their roles in the "dirty war" in which
nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared."
1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising)
against Israeli occupation.
1987 In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the Jabliya
refugee camp.
1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential election
in the country's history.
1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's first
free elections in 50 years.
1990 The first American hostages to be released by Iran began
arriving in the U.S.
1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using a single
currency in 1999.
1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced their
separation.
1992 Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of lying
to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair. U.S. President
George H.W. Bush later pardoned George.
1992 U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee
delivery of international food aid, in operation 'Restore Hope'.
1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II
missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms
control treaty.
1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed
repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope.
1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists produced a
controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 3 million watts.
1994 Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the British
government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland.
1996 UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal allowing
Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the UN trade embargo
imposed on Iraq in 1990.
1999 The U.S. announced that it was expelling a Russian diplomat
who had been caught gathering information with an eavesdropping
device at the U.S. State Department.
2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after losing
$4 billion in the previous two years. It was the sixth largest
bankruptcy filing.
2003 In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two 300-
year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch etchings, a self-
portait and a depiction of the artist's mother, were valued
around $518,000.
2013 AMR Corporation and US Airways Group completed a merger and
was listed on the NASDAQ as American Airlines Group, Inc.
2018 smiled.
|
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Saturday, December 8, 2018, 08:39 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Thank you very much, Frank!!!
Today is Saturday, December 8
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Utah Mom Lured Ex Out of Apartment Before
Murdering his current wife
Blondie jumping onto frozen lake
______________________________________________________
Today, December 8 in
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus,
was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
There are sadistic scientists who hurry to hunt down errors
instead of establishing the truth.
--- Marie Curie (1867 - 1934)
It is always a silly thing to give advice,
but to give good advice is fatal.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like
who drinks as much as you do."
--- Dylan Thomas
______________________________________________________
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas.
She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What
rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do
now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why
don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by
a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He
rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the
crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table
operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks,
"What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money
on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
In a grocery store a cashier held up a small dairy carton
and yelled to a co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?"
Without a moment's hesitation the other cashier replied,
"One."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive
and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays
you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down
the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do
an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk
of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin
an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They
learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the
top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink
lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While
ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them
again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes
over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't
milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of
their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow
thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow
won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of
the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in
half. The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best
looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to
vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only
five speak English. Many are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with
the big udders.
______________________________________________________
Waiting for hubby
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Chelsea Watrous Cook,
32,
Salt Lake City,
Utah
Utah Mom Lured Ex Out of Apartment Before
Murdering his current wife
Utah has never executed a woman or had a woman on death row, but
that could change after Sunday night's murder in suburban Salt
Lake City. Chelsea Watrous Cook, 32, has been charged with
aggravated murder in the shooting of Lisa Vilate Williams, 26,
and could face the death penalty, Deseret News reports. Police
say the teacher lured ex-husband Travis Cook out of his apartment
by saying she had cold medicine for one of their 3-year-twins,
reports the AP. Security camera footage captured her hiding in
the hallway as he walked out to the parking lot. Police say she
then sneaked into the apartment, where she ended up shooting
Williams, her ex-husband's new girlfriend, who had been making
Christmas tree ornaments with the twins.
Authorities say Travis Cook managed to get the gun away from his
ex-wife and pin her to a wall until police arrived. Williams'
mother and sister tell the AP that they feared for her safety
after Cook harassed her and bullied her online for months. Public
records state that Cook was charged with misdemeanor domestic
violence last month after arguing with her ex-husband when he
tried to pick up the twins. Court records state that she yelled
"disparaging comments" about Williams, who was not present, and
grabbed her ex-husband by the hair, causing him to tumble down
stairs. Cook, who worked as a health and yoga teacher at a Lehi
high school, is being held without bail.
From: Kitty
Re: Locked icons
Dear Webby,
here i am again. how do i unlock the icons. to where we can
move them around the screen. not all bunched toughther. ?
Kitty
Dear Kitty
Right-click on the desktop and choose Arrange Icons.
Unclick Auto Arrange.
Unclick Align to grid.
They should now stay where you put them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
The doctor said to a patient's husband, "I'm sorry. We did
all that was humanly possible, but we just can't wake her
from her coma. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
"But doctor, she's so young! She's only thirty-nine."
Upon which the comatose wife weakly said, "Thirty-seven!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Old buddies Father Mulhaney and Rabbi Silverman were having
their monthly breakfast. Father Mulhaney was enjoying his usual
bacon and eggs, while Rabbi Silverman was savoring his lox
and bagels .
Father Mulhaney asked, "Would you like to try a piece of bacon?
Lots of people eat bacon, and it is very tasty. Why don't
you try a piece?"
Rabbi Silverman replied, "You are quite right, my friend.
I think I will try some bacon."
"When?" asked the priest.
"At your wedding, of course," responded the rabbi.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Storing Dry Dog Food
If you have a large dog, store dog food in a plastic garbage
can or large tub. For smaller dogs, you can you use a small
plastic tub or one of those decorative tins that popcorn
comes in. Just empty the bag of dry food into the container
and keep a scoop in it.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
C
Stop Everything and Discover the World of 3D Cat Portraiture
|
___________________________________________________
Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day
was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's
Day."
___________________________________________________
While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor
announced that their prison quartet would be singing the
following evening.
I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked
forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the
church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and
always looking for the key."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
>From Tom
My mother has a "lead foot," so I was not surprised when a
state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through
Georgia.
Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear
shocked when the trooper walked up to the car.
"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to
the officer.
"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires
out?"
___________________________________________________
Today December 8 in
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented the
cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production of
interchangeable parts. Before him only plows were mass produced
with interchangeable parts.
1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to
Pennsylvania.
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was free
of original sin from the moment she was conceived.
1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for the
Reconstruction of the South.
1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and became
the first world heavyweight champion.
1886 At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the
American Federation of Labor was founded.
1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared war
against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese attacked
Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan on the day of the
Pearl Harbor attack.
1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese
mainland to Formosa (Taiwan) due to Communists pressure.
1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged in a
TV show for the first time.
1953 Los Angeles became the third largest city in the United
States.
1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963.
1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found guilty
in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a law that
protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism.
1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held the
Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up with
explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later he was
shot to death by police.
1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry Falwell
with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was awarded $200,000
for emotional distress.
1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev
signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations' arsenals of
intermediate-range nuclear missiles.
1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in the
Israeli-occupied territories began.
1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role in a
coalition Cabinet.
1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet national
government to be dead. They forged a new alliance to be known as
the Commonwealth of Independent States. The act was denounced by
Russian President Gorbachev as unconstitutional.
1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S. troops
landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation Restore Hope.
(Due to the time difference, it was December 9 in Somalia.)
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American
Free Trade Agreement.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers, but
continued to detain about 300 others.
1994 In Los Angeles, 12 alternate jurors were chosen for the O.J.
Simpson murder trial.
1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement
that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation would
merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion.
1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search a
person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic
violation.
1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public. The
file contained over 1,300 pages.
1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies was
born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later.
1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash.
1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was
played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0.
1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther King
Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone
assassin.
1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an economic
and political confederation.
2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that he
planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a player
at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player in U.S. pro
sports.
2018 smiled.
|
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Friday, December 7, 2018, 10:01 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Thank you very much, Frank!!!
Today is Friday, December 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Naked N.H. attacked police officer.
He got tased and jailed.
https://youtu.be/hBq_r1-G_4E
______________________________________________________
Today, December 7 in
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack resulted in
Canada declaring war on Japan, followed a day later by the USA.
That caused the U.S. to enter into World War II.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for
appointment by the corrupt few.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children
have teenagers of their own.
--- Doug Larson
______________________________________________________
>From Ed
I walked into Dairy Queen the other day and asked
for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge.
The girl replied, "The hot fudge only comes in one
temperature, Sir."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital
(a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for
coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the
groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by
a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun,
gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however,
how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you
covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun
questioned sternly.
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's
a humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not
spinsters - they are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send
the bill to my brother-in-law."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Two voices, male and female, on an overnight
"red eye" plane flight. "I think everyone's
asleep, lets go"
Sound of steps.
"This one's empty. No ones is looking. You
go in first"
"It a bit cramped, let me sit down"
"Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on"
Sniff sniff "Ah perfume you think of everything"
"This is great..." (long sigh)
Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.
"This is the captain speaking, to those two
people in the rear toilet. We know what you're
doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline
regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and
take the condom off the fake smoke detector!"
-------------
Frequent fliers know that airplane toilets have
"fart extractors", the smelly air is suckd down the toilet
and allowed to escape to the thin air outside. By bending
low over the toilet, as if praying to Ralph, the god of
drunks, you can have that smelly cigarette, that is
between going berserk and relaxed calmness.
______________________________________________________
So much for Algorian Warming!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Richard Chase, 52,
Merrimack,
New Hampshire
Naked N.H. attacked police officer.
He got tased and jailed.
A man walking completely naked in the parking lot of a Merrimack
hotel was stunned with a Taser on Friday night after police say
he tried to punch an officer.
Richard Chase, 52, has been charged with indecent exposure,
attempted assault and resisting arrest.
A man walking completely naked in the parking lot of a Merrimack
hotel was stunned with a Taser on Friday night after police say
he tried to punch an officer.
Richard Chase, 52, has been charged with indecent exposure,
attempted assault and resisting arrest.
From: Helene
Re: No Right Click
Dear Webby,
Although I disagree with most of your political & social
beliefs, your letter is really addictive and, hate to admit this,
but enjoy -- a lot. So, thanks. Before I go through an
elaborate process, any hints about what causes the right
button of a mouse to suddenly stop functioning? It worked
fine yesterday. Appreciate any advice.
Helene
Dear Helene
First go into Settings, Control Panel, Mouse, Buttons
and make sure that right clicking has not been turned off
by some left-wing liberal program.
If that is OK, shake and bash the mouse on the table.
Don't be too gentle, except with the mouse cord. Make sure
that there won't be any strain on the mouse cord during that.
If that does not help either, replace the mouse. They are
not made to last forever.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish
rabbi were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of
fertilization. That is when God instills the spark
of life into the fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at
birth, because that is when the baby becomes an
individual and is capable of making its own decisions
and must learn about sin."
"You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins
when the children have graduated from college
and moved out of the house."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Christmas Break was over and the teacher was
asking the class about their vacations. She
turned to little Johnny and asked what he did
over the break.
"We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney,
Pennsylvania," he replied.
"That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,"
the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how
you spell that?"
Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know,
come to think of it, we went to Acron, Ohio."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Storing Video Tapes
Be careful that your video and camcorder tapes are stored
away from electronics that have a magnetic field, like
stereo speakers and TV's. Store your tapes somewhere
dry and room temperature (60-70 F). Consider having
a backup created on DVD of irreplaceable home movies.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Cool ceiling! I love the way it ripples.
|
___________________________________________________
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house.
Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight
into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second
piece of cake."
"No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could
make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces
without asking."
___________________________________________________
A young man volunteered to babysit one night so his mom
could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters
upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One
child kept creeping down the stairs, but the young man kept
sending him back.
At 9:00 p.m., the doorbell rang. It was the next-door
neighbor, Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The
young man brusquely replied, "No."
Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a
voice shouted, "I'm here, Mom, but he won't let me go home."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Father - Daughter Talk
A young woman was about to finish her first year of
college. Like so many others her age, she considered
herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other
liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes
to support more government programs; in other words,
redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather
staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed.
Based on the lectures that she had participated in,
and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt
that her father had for years harbored an evil,
selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day, she was challenging her father on his
opposition to higher taxes on the rich, and the need
for more government programs. The self-professed
objectivity proclaimed by her professor had to be the
truth, and she indicated so to her father.
He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she
had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to
maintain, insisting that she was taking a very
difficult course load and was constantly studying,
which left her no time to go out and party like other
people she knew. She didn't even have time for a
boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends
either because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened, then asked, "How is your friend
Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting
by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies,
and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on
campus; college for her is a blast. She's always
invited to all the parties, and lots of times she
doesn't even show up for classes because she's too
hung over."
Her father asked her, "Why don't you go to the Dean's
office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and
give it to your friend Audrey, who only has a 2.0?
That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA, and certainly
that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's
suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea!
How would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my
grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard
work. And she's done next to nothing toward her
degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"
The father slowly smiled and said gently, "Welcome to
the Republican Party."
___________________________________________________
Today December 7 in
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France.
1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S.
constitution becoming the first of the United States.
1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became the
first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring.
1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 150-
yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5 seconds. He
went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies.
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The Electrolux
Servel Corporation.
I had one of those in the Yukon.
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack resulted in
Canada declaring war on Japan, followed a day later by the USA.
Tht caused the U.S. to enter into World War II.
1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119 people.
It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel founder, W.
Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire.
1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British Petroleum's
assets.
1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the last
U.S. moon mission.
1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E.
Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant. The
man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards.
1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months in
exile.
1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of
Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray by
the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane crash.
1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the
first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a
prison in Huntsville, TX.
1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with an
Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for takeoff.
The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people aboard the
DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet.
1987 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev set foot on American soil
for the first time. He had come to the U.S. for a Washington
summit with U.S. President Reagan.
1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a fellow
passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest Airlines
jetliner.
1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major
earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The quake
measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale.
1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the
reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by half a
million.
1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with the
plan for free elections and a revised constitution.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion law
which, required women to get counseling and then wait 24 hours
before terminating their pregnancies.
1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman
opened fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train.
1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S.
government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests in
secret at its Nevada test site.
1993 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that the U.S.
government study the impact of drug legalization.
1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into
Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the mothership
before it was presumably destroyed.
1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-ever
shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes.
1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by
fighting between army and rebel forces in central Angola.
1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over 1996
campaign financing.
1999 A U.S. federal grand jury indicted a former convict in the
1995 disappearance of atheist leader Madalyn Murray O'Hair.
2002 In Amsterdam, Netherlands, two Van Gogh paintings were
stolen from the Van Gogh Museum. The two works were "View of the
Sea st Scheveningen" and "Congregation Leaving the Reformed
Church in Nuenen." On July 26, 2004, two men were convicted for
the crime and were sentenced to at least four years in prison
each.
2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movies theaters were bombed
within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people were killed
and over 200 were injured.
2003 A 12-inch by 26-inch painting of a river landscape and
sailing vessel by Martin Johnson Heade was sold at auction for $1
million. The painting was found in the attic of a suburban Boston
home where it had been stored for more than 60 years.
2018 smiled.
|
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Thursday, December 6, 2018, 10:03 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 6
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
300-pound woman pleads guilty to fatally
attacking, crushing boyfriend
https://youtu.be/hBq_r1-G_4E
______________________________________________________
Today, December 6 in
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a
state education system.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed
in overalls and looks like work.
--- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
______________________________________________________
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles
shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!'
Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her,
'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.'
'I know,' said the child, 'but the store is full of mothers.'
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered
that he had a cavity that would have to be filled.
"Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling
would you like for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday
afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl
coming from the other direction.
"Hello," said the little boy
"Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,"
answered the little girl.
"I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?"
asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the
little girl. "What about you?"
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill,"
replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they
decided that they'd walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had
partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could
get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me
alive," said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm
gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade
across."
"That's a good idea,"replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the
same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun
waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when
the little boy finally remarked
"You know, I never realized before just how much difference there
really is between a Baptist and a Methodist!
______________________________________________________
Lightbulb changing in Chicago
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Windi Thomas,
44.
Erie
Pennsylvania
300-pound woman pleads guilty to fatally
attacking, crushing boyfriend
A woman has pleaded guilty to killing her boyfriend by stabbing
him, hitting him with a table leg and crushing him under the
weight of her roughly 300 pounds.
Windi Thomas, of Erie, faces a sentence of 18 to 36 years after
pleading guilty to third-degree murder. She had been scheduled
for trial next week, but instead will be sentenced on Dec. 21.
The 44-year-old Thomas admitted killing Keeno Butler last March,
partially by lying on top of him. Thomas weighs about 300 pounds,
while the 44-year-old Butler weighed about 120 pounds.
The Erie Times-News reports Thomas told investigators she had
been drinking throughout the day and left the apartment to
purchase crack cocaine. After she returned home, she was sitting
on the couch with a knife and, at one point, cut Butler's hand.
Thomas told police that Butler went to the kitchen and returned
with a table leg, which she took from him and used to hit him on
the head. As the two wrestled on the ground, Thomas said she was
able to pin Butler down. Thomas then called 911 and reported she
had killed someone.
Butler’s death was ruled a homicide “caused by respiratory
insufficiency secondary to blunt force trauma to the neck and
thoracic compression, exacerbated by blunt force trauma to the
head,” according to the affidavit.
Butler's sister said her family is still coping with her
brother's death and had been hoping for a longer prison sentence
for Thomas.
“I feel like she should have 40 or more,” Sandra Butler said.
“She deserved life.”
From: Joan
Re: Touch Pad
Dear Webby,
You told me once in the 90's to put a cardboard into
the touchpad depression. I did. And carefully moved it
to new machines every time a machine had to be replaced.
My cardboard is thin enough so that if I really whack it
with my thumb, it works like the Enter key.
Just light movement of the thumb does not affect it at all.
I am perfectly happy with your solution.
Thanks
Joan
Dear Joan
Thanks for the feedback!
It is rare that people tell me how a solution worked.
I do appreciate it!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the
Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirm-
ation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the
situation by baptizing and confirming everyone.
He also married every couple that walked by and
desired such.
Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe
had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the
chief which part they enjoyed the most.
"The marriage service," the chief said, smiling.
"We all got new wives!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
While attending a convention, I breakfasted in a cafe,
next to two gray-haired men from the same symposium.
I overheard one remark, "You know, this is the first time in
40 years we've gone to one of these without our wives."
His pal leaned back, contemplating what such freedom
might portend. "I know," he said, laying his menu aside.
"Let's have biscuits and gravy!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Eat Half Your Entree
Restaurant serving sizes are often more than a person can
or should eat. Try this: as soon as the server sets down a
plate, divide your meal in half. Eat half at the restaurant and
take the other half home to eat for lunch the following day.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
Denny's Restaurants tend to get carried
away a bit, in some
towns. Here is a picture of my dad when I took him into Dennys
for a well deserved Banana Split in Barstow one year. We had been
driving and running through the desert all day, taking pictures
of cacti, but that was too much.
Dennys also used to get quite carried away with their Chef Salad.
You can eat one normal portion and have enough left over to
take home for side salads for four people the next day.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
|
|
To each his own......I guess.
|
___________________________________________________
Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was
having trouble with her computer. So she called Prem,
the computer guy, over to her desk.
Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So,
what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was just an "ID ten T" error."
A puzzled expression ran over Judy's face. "An "ID ten
T" error? What's that?.. in case I need to fix it
again??"
He gave her a grin...
"Haven't you ever heard of an "ID ten T" error before?"
"No," replied Judy.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it
out."
She wrote..... I D 1 0 T
___________________________________________________
During our Marine boot-camp class on combat gear, the
drill instructor told us to put on the equipment we had been
issued; then he would inspect us.
Soon after, a frantic recruit, helmet liner in hand, ran up to
the DI. "Sir," he began, "the private's helmet liner does not fit
the private's head, sir."
The DI, obviously perturbed that the recruit hadn't listened to
his instructions on how to adjust the liner, looked into the
Marine's face. "Okay, private," he said. "This is what I want you
to do. Go into the gear locker, find a new head to fit your
helmet liner and use that one!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A missionary recruit goes to Venezuela for the first time,
struggling with the language. He visits one of the local churches
and sits in the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decides to pick someone
out of the crowd to imitate. He decides to follow the man sitting
next to him in the front pew. As they sing, the man claps his
hands, so the missionary recruit claps, too. When the man stands
up to pray, the missionary recruit stands up, too. When the man
sits down, the missionary sits down.
Later in the service, the man next to him stands up again, so the
missionary stands up, too.
Suddenly a hush falls over the entire congregation. A few people
gasp.
The missionary looks around and sees that no one else is
standing. So he sits down.
After the service ends, the missionary recruit greets the
preacher. "I take it you don't speak Spanish," the preacher says.
The missionary replies, "No, I don't. Is it that obvious?"
"Well yes," the preacher says. "I announced that the Acosta
family had a new-born baby boy, and I asked the proud father to
please stand up."
___________________________________________________
Today December 6 in
1735 In London, French surgeon Claudius Amyand peformed the first
successful appendectomy at St. George's Hospital. The patient was
an 11-year old boy that had swallowed a pin.
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state
education system.
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified.
The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S.
1876 The city of Anaheim was incorporated for a second time.
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with a
recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb.
1883 "Ladies' Home Journal" was published for the first time.
1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was completed by
Army engineers. The project took 34 years.
1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first and
only president of the Confederate States of America.
1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's worst
mine disaster.
1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships
collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia.
1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self-
governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish treaty was
signed.
1923 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge became the first president to
give a presidential address that was broadcast on radio.
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on bachelors.
1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by U.S.
President Truman.
1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International Brotherhood
of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in 1987.
1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into orbit
failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at Cape
Canaveral, FL.
1973 Gerald R. Ford was sworn in as the vice-president of the
United States after vice-president Spiro Agnew resigned.
1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb exploded
in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish National
Liberation Army was responsible for planting the bomb.
1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing six
Israelis and wounding 44.
1985 Congressional negotiators reached an agreement on a deficit-
cutting proposal that later became the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings law.
1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred when a
man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's school
of engineering. The man then killed himself.
1989 Egon Krenz resigned as leader of East Germany.
1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000 foreign
hostages.
1992 Germany's primary political parties agreed to tighten
postwar asylum laws.
1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a mosque.
The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting resulted in at
least 2,000 people being killed.
1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20
years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children in the
1960s.
1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due to
investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one of the
richest in the U.S. and became the largest municipality to file
for bankruptcy.
1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a
residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff. 70
people were killed.
1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was
elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt against
the government six years earlier.
1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected the
first two building blocks of the international space station in
the shuttle cargo bay.
2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and 480
hours of community service stemming from her conviction for
shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered to pay
$10,000 in fines and restitution.
2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million
memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval fountain
was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.
2018 smiled.
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Wednesday, December 5, 2018, 09:47 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 5
Where I grew up in Austria, December 5 was the day Santa
came by, and read the kids the riot act about their behavior
during the year.
Because of my frequently not so exemplary behavior, I was often
threatened with getting sent to Jagdberg, an ancient castle
converted to a juvenile jail and reform school. Well, I never
quite got sent there.
When I was 18 a college professor volunteered me to go play Santa
at Jagdberg. Beside stage fright, there was the fear they would
lock me up there, but I dressed up in the supplied garments,
hopped on my motorcycle and roared up there.
At Jagdberg they gave me a glass of Cherry Water Schnapps to calm
my nerves, and for each classroom a stack of papers. I called the
name on the top sheet, and read that kid's sins, then gave him or
her a paper bag filled with goodies.
Probably thanks to the Schnapps by the time I got to the second
classroom, I got right into my act and really lit into the little
twerps.
I think they had about 16 classrooms, but by the time I was done
with them all, I was sorry it was already finished.
They gave me a couple of very tasty salami sandwiches and a
coffee, and I left.
On the way back I stopped at the place where my gtirlfriend
stayed, a dormitory attached to the hospital nunnery. She tossed
the key down when she heard my bike, and I silently crept up the
stone steps to her floor and her room.
Well some other girl was lurking and so I had to play Santa for
her too. I only had a small bag of goodies for my girlfriend, so
the lurker just got a hug and a kiss and a grope from Santa. She
was happy.
And shortly after that, my girlfriend was made happy by Santa
himself.
The sky was just beginning to lighten in the East when I finally
rode my bike home.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Mom charged after OWI arrest led to
4-year-old being found alone in tow lot
______________________________________________________
Today, December 5 in
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Writing well means never having to say,
'I guess you had to be there.'
--- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 07-29-07
Mustard's no good without roast beef.
--- Chico Marx (1891 - 1961)
______________________________________________________
David was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with
his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his
neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding
anniversary.
“David!! David!! Put down that paper and let’s talk about how we
are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do
you suggest?”
David put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses,
stared for a moment into the distance, then said, “How about two
minutes of silence?”
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Mary for this:
When you get angry it's because you're ill-tempered...
It just happens that my nerves are bothering me.
When you don't like someone it's because you're prejudiced...
I just happen to be a good judge of human nature.
When you compliment people it's because you use flattery
to get your way... I only encourage people.
When you take a long time to do a job it's because you're
unbearable slow and pokey...
I take a long time because I believe in quality workmanship.
When you spend your paycheck in 24 hours, it's because
you're a spendthrift...
When I do, it's because I'm generous.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
An English professor wrote the words,
"A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and
directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
______________________________________________________
I see you!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Blair Springfield,
28,
Milwaukee County,
Wisconsin
Mom charged after OWI arrest led to
4-year-old being found alone in tow lot
pleads not guilty
A 28-year-old Milwaukee mother whose OWI arrest led to her 4-
year-old daughter being found alone in a van in the city tow lot
hours later has been ordered to stand trial. On Tuesday, Nov. 27
Blair Springfield waived her right to a preliminary hearing, and
pleaded not guilty.
Springfield faces 10 charges:
- OWI, first offense, with a passenger under the age of
16
- Neglecting a child (harm did not occur and child under 6
years or disability)
- Neglecting a child (specified harm did not occur)
- Neglecting a child (harm did not occur and child under 6
years or disability)
- Neglecting a child (harm did not occur and child under 6
years or disability)
- Neglecting a child (harm did not occur and child under 6
years or disability)
- OWI, first offense with a passenger under the age of
16
- Neglecting a child (harm did not occur and child under 6
years or disability
- Neglecting a child (harm did not occur and child under 6
years or disability
- Operating with a prohibited alcohol concentration with a
passenger under the age of 16
Springfield pleaded not guilty to three of the charges on
Saturday, Nov. 17, when she appeared in court for the first time
— Count 1, Count 3, Count 7 and Count 10. Cash bond was set at
$1,500.
Springfield was taken into custody near 39th and Forest Home on
Nov. 12, after prosecutors said she passed out behind the wheel
of a minivan.
She was not charged in that case.
Her adult passenger and baby were removed from the vehicle, but
the 4-year-old was left in the back seat. Prosecutors said the
child was not mentioned by her mother and also missed by
officers.
The incident happened just weeks after prosecutors said
Springfield passed out in a McDonald's drive-thru with children
and bottles of vodka in the car.
Milwaukee County Circuit Court Judge Cynthia Davis ordered the
latest case go to trial during Springfield's court hearing on
Tuesday.
If convicted, Springfield could gain more time behind bars. She
could also lose the children.
The Milwaukee Police Department has not yet released squad or
body camera footage from Nov. 12, the night Springfield was
arrested.
Springfield's next court appearance has been scheduled for Dec.
5.
From: Joyce
Re: Wandering Arrow
Dear Webby,
I hope you can help me.I thought i seen it once on here
& forgot to save it. What a ninnie i was there. OK when
I am just reading or browesing pages, the arrow on my laptop
just takes off. How can i stop it from doing that, but i need
step by step instrustion, or i can't do it cause i am a
ninnie & my daughter don't like helping.
Love your letter every morning
Thank You
Joyce
Dear Joyce
The mouse arrow taking off is usually not due to a program
setting, but to your thumb on the silly touch pad on the laptop.
Since you have a mouse anyway, just cut a piece of cardboard to
just fit the touch pad level with the keyboard area. Problem
solved instantly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.
The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and
were watching the action.
A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running
onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his
girlfriend,
"Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best
man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said,
"That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose
to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Bernie was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of
the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife
for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen,
it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at
the grocery store!"
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Bernie boy
decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answered and Bernie said, "May I speak with the Vice
President of prunes, please?"
The clerk replied, "Dried, canned or frozen?"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Bank Those Savings for Next Christmas
When I save money by using coupons or buying something on
sale, I put the saved money into a savings account. By the end
of the year I have enough money in the account to pay for
Christmas presents without having to go into debt.
Tip provided by
Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
A 12 million year old praying mantis encased in amber.
|
___________________________________________________
While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a
motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing
traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm
sorry you have to work half buried in the snow."
The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for
my horse!"
___________________________________________________
A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they
always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he
met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine
subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions. On
his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife
and told her he'd have to walk home. He walked past a
cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed
him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he
figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill
effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans,
and he "put-putted" all the way home.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat
excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the
head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At
this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming
on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang and she went to answer it.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He
shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not
only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt
for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had
just started to feel better, when another urge came on.
This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and
smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the
air. But another one snuck out, and the windows
rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute
later, the flowers on the table were dead.
When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he
neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands
on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she
walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had
peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she
removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner
guests seated around the table for his surprise
birthday party. Two were dead, ten were dyiing.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called,
"What've you got in your truck?"
"Manure," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put
sugar and cream on ours."
___________________________________________________
Today December 5 in
1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death of
Francis II.
1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held his
first sale in London.
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces for
the invasion of England.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating
from Russia.
1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by
confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California.
1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The
device was the first practical pipe wrench.
1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port
Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War.
1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first used on
football uniforms worn by college football players.
1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland.
1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa making
it possible for him to enter the U.S. even though he was a Jew.
1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th state
to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops on
the Somalian border.
1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with plotting
against Joseph Stalin's government.
1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics
operation was established.
1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under a Supreme
Council.
1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy.
1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S.
Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training
mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were never
heard from again.
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC.
1955 The American Federation of Labor and the Congress of
Industrial Organizations merged to form the AFL-CIO.
1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt
during the Suez War.
1958 Britain's first freeway, the Preston by-pass, was opened by
Prime Minister Macmillan.
1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, the
Congo, near Elizabethville.
1962 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate in the
peaceful uses of outer space.
1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council, vetoed
a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities between
India and Pakistan over Kashmir.
1976 Jacques Chirac re-founded the Gaullist party as the RPR
(Rassemblement pour la République).
1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria,
Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel.
1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus,
began beaming back its first information and picture of the
planet.
1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon
Church due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal Rights
Amendment to the Constitution.
1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were
killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment building.
1983 The video arcade game "NFL Football" was unveiled in
Chicago. It was the first video arcade game to be licensed by the
National Football League.
1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a
Kuwaiti jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they would
blow up the plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned
extremists.
1985 The Dow Jones Industrial Average rose above 1,500 for the
first time.
1986 The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by the SALT
II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was despite the
decision by the U.S. to exceed them.
1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted by a
federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and conspiracy
charges.
1989 Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab guerrillas
who crossed the border from Egypt. The guerrillas were allegedly
going to launch a terrorist attack commemorating the anniversary
of the Palestinian uprising.
1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house
arrest.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to appoint
Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional amendment that
would have put his team of reformers under the control of
Russia's Congress.
1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union, 23
years after his father was the head. His father disappeared and
was presumed dead.
2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a
temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two women
were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai and his
Cabinet were planned to take over power in Afghanistan on
December 22.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications
downloaded.
2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-operating
spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered orbit around
Mars on October 23, 2001.
2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted when
it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed on target
in the Pacific Ocean.
2018 smiled.
|
[ view entry ]
| permalink | print article | ( 3.1 / 194 )
Not receiving newsletters Tuesday, December 4, 2018, 08:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 4
The Gavle Goat, the huge straw goat in Sweden, is up!
They have a web cam working intermittently at
http://visitgavle.se/sv/gavlebocken
It is working a bit once in a while, but they
definitely need some help.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Man says he's not required to register
vehicle due to personal beliefs. Jailed now
______________________________________________________
Today, December 4 in
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes formally
adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing an estimated
1,000 people per day.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty
in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
--- Jean Kerr
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute
powerlessness make you pure?
--- Harry Shearer
______________________________________________________
>From Lise
My five children and I were playing hide-and-seek
one evening. With the lights turned off in the house,
the kids scattered to hide, and I was "it."
After a few minutes I located all of them. When it was
my turn to hide, they searched high and low but couldn't
find me.
Finally one of my sons got a bright idea. He went to
the phone and dialed; they found me immediately
because my phone started beeping.
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was
asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of
a marriage of such long duration.
"Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all
those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best
teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness,
self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities
you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary,
Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue
to a memorable evening at home.
Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into
the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the
tub by candlelight.
When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let
all that expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully
poured it back into the empty bottles.
However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a
half-bottle too much.
______________________________________________________
Lake Michigan
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Steven Logan
Lincoln,
Nebraska
Man says he's not required to register
vehicle due to personal beliefs
Lincoln Police arrested a 35-year-old-man for failing to comply
with an officer during a traffic stop when he said he didn't have
to register his vehicle due to personal beliefs.
Officers pulled over Steven Logan near 42nd and Baldwin streets
on Nov. 29th, shortly after 9 p.m.
After parking his car, police say Logan starting walking away
from his vehicle.
The officer told him to stop but he refused and kept walking so
the officer grabbed Logan's arm. The officer then noticed Logan
had a firearm and detained him.
When asked for his identification, he told the officer that due
to his personal beliefs, he's not required to register his
vehicle.
He was arrested for failing to comply, no insurance and no valid
registration.
From: Kathy
Re: Not receiving newsletter
Dear Webby,
Why haven't I been getting any emails from you I haven't gotten
any in a while now
Dear Kathy
Your subscription goes out to kg*****@gmail.com
Check your spam and trash and categories.
You can search ALL MAIL
You might have to make a filter to ensure GMAIL does not put your
Humor Letter anywhere else but in the INBOX.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong.
She must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The vicar spoke to Jane in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your
nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy
businessman learned this the hard way after ordering
his nurses around as if they were his employees. But
the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered
his room and announced, "I have to take your
temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally
settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated," but for this
reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually
he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse
insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have
to get something. Now you stay just like that until I
get back!"
She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he
cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past
his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's
doctor came into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the
man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever
seen someone having their temperature taken?"
"Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Save Old Toothbrushes
Save old toothbrushes to use in your cleaning kit and tool
box. Hard bristled toothbrushes work well for cleaning
stubborn grout or hard to reach places. Soft bristled
toothbrushes are effective on jewelry. They are useful
for a variety of cleaning jobs.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Peter Jackson's Restored and Colorized WW1 Film is Unlike Anything I've Seen
|
___________________________________________________
Soon after I retired from the Air Force, I went to work in a
warehouse where several other military retirees were employed.
One day we received a large crate too big to fit in our storage
area. A retired Army sergeant major immediately took charge.
After 45 minutes of rearranging items and using various lifting
devices, he finally got the crate in place. "And that's how the
Army gets things done!" he boasted.
"That's the Army way," said an Air Force retiree. "The Air Force
would have made the delivery person put the crate away and
gone for coffee."
___________________________________________________
>From Ann
Today Is Not a Good Day
Today is not a good day.
I woke up sick in bed.
My stomach has a stabbing pain
thats spreading to my head.
My knees are weak and achy.
My eyes are full of flu.
I fear I may contaminate;
I have a fever too.
I cannot see.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot read or write.
My eyes are shut.
My nose is blocked.
Im not a pretty sight.
I cannot lift a finger
or move a tired toe.
My throat is hot and scratchy.
The answers simply NO . . .
I cannot go to school today;
Im awfully sorry too,
this had to happen on the day
my book report was due.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
1867 The National Grange of Husbandry was founded.
1875 William Marcy Tweed, the "Boss" of New York City's Tammany
Hall political organization, escaped from jail and fled from the
U.S.
1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to attend
the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the first chief
executive to travel to Europe while in office.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the dismantling
of the Works Progress Administration. The program had been
created in order to provide jobs during the Great Depression.
1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first
time during World War II.
1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced that
any club was free to employ black players.
1945 The U.S. Senate approved American participation in the
United Nations.
1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank
Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board.
1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter.
1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire,
crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost more
than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later.
1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman mayor
when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had been
murdered.
1979 For the second time, the United Nations Security Council
voted unanimously to urge Iran to free American hostages that had
been taken on November 4.
1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador two
days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were later
convicted of the murders.
1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions in
Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American
reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was shot
down and captured by Syria.
1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a Kuwaiti
airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land in Tehran.
Two American passengers were killed by the hijackers.
1986 Both U.S. houses of Congress moved to establish special
committees to conduct their own investigations of the Iran-Contra
affair.
1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their 89
hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising.
1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of
heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt.
1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was
holding.
1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released
after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon.
1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops to
lead a mercy mission to Somalia.
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes formally
adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing an estimated
1,000 people per day.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peacekeepers
they were holding as insurance against further NATO airstrikes.
1997 The National Basketball Association (NBA) suspended Latrell
Sprewell of the Golden State Warriors for one year for choking
and threatening to kill his coach, P.J. Carlesimo.
2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another
motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the
other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses.
2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in an
ongoing two year international investigation into drug
trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money laundering. An
unused satellite TV tuner kit was taken from Simpson's home and
no drugs were found.
2018 smiled.
|
[ view entry ]
| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 199 )
Monday, December 3, 2018, 08:00 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 3
The Gavle Goat, the huge straw goat in Sweden, is up!
They are still disorganized with the live web cams, but
hopefully they can get them working soon.
Every year it is a competition to see if the good people can
protect the goat, or whether the punks can set it on fire.
Millions of people all over the world watch the web cams
hoping to see the punks in time to alert the cops and
fire department.
Once I find a working live web cam, I will post it again,
as usual.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
British man who was part of a paedophile ring has been
found guilty of plotting to rape a seven-month-old baby.
______________________________________________________
Today, December 3 in
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the Paris
Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist Georges
Claude.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for
subtlety.
--- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)
The reason why worry kills more people than work
is that more people worry than work.
--- Robert Frost
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
--- Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953)
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Martin for returning this classic:
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters,
he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all
of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am
I black with white stripes?'
St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must
know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with
white stripes?'
God simply replied 'You are what you are.'
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked
him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'
The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are
what you are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there
you are. You are white with black stripes.'
The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'
'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes,
God would have said, 'You is what you is.''
(.. Caution... If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton & Jesse will be
on yo' ahss)
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dolly for this:
My face in the mirror
Isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty.
The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely,
And so does my lawn.
I think I might never.....
Put my glasses back on.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most
adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this
makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying,
"I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes
home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says,
"I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20
and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from
work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The
father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say
a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day
when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets
him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail,
opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a
big hug."
______________________________________________________
Camo Cat
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Mathew Law, 50
in jail,
Bristol,
Britain
British man who was part of a paedophile ring has been found
guilty of plotting to rape a seven-month-old baby.
Mathew Law, 50, is the eighth person to be convicted as part of
an investigation by the National Crime Agency (NCA), following a
two week trial at Bristol Crown Court. He first came into contact
with the paedophile ring, who communicated using anonymous
software Tor and the dark web, through prominent member
Christopher Knight.
Knight, 38, was jailed for 24 years in 2015 after being convicted
of rape of a child under 13, conspiracy to rape a child under 13,
sexual assault of a child under 13 and possessing indecent images
of children. Law pleaded guilty to conspiring to rape a child
under the age of 13 and has been remanded into custody to be
sentenced at a later date. ‘Mathew Law is the eighth individual
to be jailed since this investigation began in 2014,’ Luke
Phillips from the NCA said.
From: Debbie
Re: Not sent mail returned
Dear Webby,
Here I am again...:o) I just got an email that said
"Your message has encountered delivery problems
to the following recipient(s):
claudio.oliveira@twaron.com.br
Delivery failed
User not known"
I know I can trust you. I don't know who this person is.
I didn't email anyone with that address. Attached are two
files AT00026.dat and AT00029.dat could these be some
kind of a virus or spy ware?
Thank you so much for saving my day so many times!
Debbie
Delete the attached files and then delete that email.
That Brasilian address is just a spoof, to make you curious
enough to click on those attachments.
That email was sent from an infected machine that has your
address in an Outlook Express address book, probably the
machine of a friend or relative of yours.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
A Minnesota Department of Highways employee stopped at a
farm and talked with an old farmer.
He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible
new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."
The Highways employee said, "Listen mister, I have the authority
of the State of Minnesota to go where I want.
See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm
land."
So the old farmer went over, sat down and picked up his
newpaper.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of
Highways employee running for the fence and close behind
was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest
full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the Highways
employee at every step.
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card, smartass!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Ruth took her car to her mechanic.
She told him 'Every time I
Take any of my friends out in my car,
After a while there is this terrible smell !! .
It never happens when I am driving alone'??
This intrigued the mechanic, so he said,
'OK, lets go for a spin
And see what the problem is.' Off they went.
She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction
At 70 MPH, swerving,
Hitting the curb on both sides of the street,
Narrowly missed three pedestrians in
Pedestrian crossings,
Ran several red lights,
And just missed a
Policeman on street traffic duty.
Then, they returned to the shop, and she said,
'There it is now...
there's that terrible smell! Can you smell it?'
'Smell it?
Lady, I'm sittin' in it !
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Credit Card Rewards
Don't be fooled by a credit card company's claims that credit
cards can help you save money. Finance charges quickly
erase any benefits that credit cards offer in cash back
incentives unless you pay your credit card off at the end
of each month.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Peter Jackson’s Restored and Colorized WW1 Film is Unlike Anything I’ve Seen
|
___________________________________________________
Mother cat with several kittens are walking
in the park when a handsome Tom cat
walks by and says, "Hi, Honey."
Mother cat says, "Don't you 'Honey' me!
You said we were only fighting!"
___________________________________________________
Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
a father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.
The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
or so I think."
"Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming
up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have spent more,
but that was all the money she had."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
"Vocabulary Building"
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the
World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document
could not be located. Used as in: "Don't
bother asking him ... he's 404 man."
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational
layers beginning just above the rank and file.
Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are
often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to
the problems they were designed to solve.
ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable,
technically proficient person in an office or
work group.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which some
people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group
discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed and who was responsible.
DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed
by your boss. Derived from the experiences of
Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been dilberted again. The old man
revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem
to have their idea generators running in reverse.
Today December 3 in
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was
eventually put to death for the 33 charges.
1833 Oberlin College in Ohio opened as the first truly
coeducational school of higher education in the United States.
1835 In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance
Company issued the first fire insurance policy.
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the Paris
Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist Georges
Claude.
1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20 years
of planning and construction. The bridge suffered partial
collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September 11).
1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time.
1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire"
opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater.
1948 The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House Un-
American Activities Committee announced that former Communist spy
Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm of secret documents
hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm.
1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by Dr.
Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart transplant on
Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived 18 days after that.
1967 The famed luxury train, "20th Century Limited," completed
its final run from New York to Chicago.
1968 The rules committee of Major League Baseball (MLB) announced
that in 1969 the pitcher's mound would be lowered from 15 to 10
inches. This was done in order to "get more batting action."
1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of Jupiter.
The first outer-planetary probe had been launched from Cape
Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972.
1983 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two White
House entrances.
1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed after a
cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide plant. The plant
was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary.
1992 The UN Security Council unanimously approved a U.S.-led
military mission to help starving Somalians.
1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna,
Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil.
1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting her
public appearances because she was tired of the media's
intrusions into her life.
1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a cease-
fire in their 18-year war.
1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release
hundreds of UN peacekeepers.
1995 Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested for
his role in a 1979 coup.
1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were represented
to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and production of anti-
personnel land mines. The United States, China and Russia did not
sign the treaty.
1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International
Monetary Fund to bailout its economy.
1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the
Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French
Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands.
1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day
meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new round
of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests by
various groups who had no clue what the meeting was aboout, but
they caused $2 Billion in damages.
1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered Mars'
atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned.
2010 The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth on successfully after its
first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010.
2018 smiled.
|
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Sunday, December 2, 2018, 08:45 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, December 2
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Milwaukee woman, 18, facing 2nd DUI charge
after leading deputies on 100 mph chase
______________________________________________________
Today, December 1 in
1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally broadcast
speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he was going to
lead Cuba to communism.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning
'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
--- Larry Hardiman
Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't
make up their own minds.
--- Seth Hoffman
A good listener is not only popular everywhere,
but after a while he gets to know something.
--- Wilson Mizner
______________________________________________________
Nancy called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice
that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I
had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"
I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going
to tell anybody about this!"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Connie for this report:
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling
trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit
and says: "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most,
trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet,
one of his neighbors buys a gun."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her
idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I
marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must
be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"
A grandmotherly patron at the next table overheard and
spoke up, "Girl, what you are asking for is a television set!"
______________________________________________________
>From Linda
St. Augustine Lighthouse (Florida
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Marissa Lucero,
18,
Milwaukee,
Wisconsin
Milwaukee woman, 18, facing 2nd DUI charge
after leading deputies on 100 mph chase
The Milwaukee County Sheriff's Office tells FOX6 News an 18-year-
old Milwaukee woman was arrested for her second OWI offense early
Tuesday morning, Nov. 27. Officials say Marissa Lucero led
deputies on a chase reaching speeds of 100 mph.
According to the sheriff's office, just after midnight deputies
tracked a vehicle traveling on I-43 going 71 in a 50 mph zone.
Authorities attempted to stop the vehicle, but it did not stop. A
chase ensued and officials say the fleeing driver reached speeds
in excess of 100 mph and veered through traffic.
After exiting at Capitol Drive, officials say the vehicle struck
a curb and damaged a front tire and axle. It came to a stop on a
median near Messmer High School.
The chase wasn't over. Lucero can be seen making a run for it
just as backup arrives. Law enforcement can be seen giving chase.
Lucero was captured by deputies and arrested.
While leading Lucero back to the squad car, emotions took over.
Lucero can be heard screaming for her mother over and over.
Deputies found a half bottle of vodka on the front passenger
floor of the vehicle she crashed.
Two deputies received minor injuries in the chase.
The sheriff's office says this is Lucero's second OWI offense --
with a previous arrest in May of this year. Lucero was not
allowed to be behind the wheel due to the previous conviction.
According to the sheriff's office, Lucero faces felony charges of
Vehicle Operator Flee/Elude an Officer, 2nd Degree Recklessly
Endangering Safety, and Resisting/Obstructing an Officer-Causing
Soft Tissue Injury. Lucero will also receive a misdemeanor charge
of Operating After Revocation-OWI-related, citations for
speeding, and Refuse to Submit to Intox/Blood.
If convicted on all charges, Lucero faces up to 20 years and nine
months in prison.
Lucero's bail has been set at over $6,000, so that she can afford
to have another dingbat malfunction by the time she goes to
court.
From: George
Re: My own web site
Dear Webby,
You advertise web space from $2.50 up. I can get web space
for free from my ISP, but their support is somewhere in Asia
and anything but helpful. They just deal with complaints and
don't volunteer any useful information. For design they charge
a ridiculous amount that obviously is just intended to totally
discourage that avenue.
I would imagine that the design costs extra even with your
set-up. What would be a reasonable guess for a small business
site?
George
Dear George
That depends entirely on how much information you can provide.
Actual design is cheap, because we are good and fast with it.
However, interrogation to drag the information out of you,
about what you might want on your site, that is $150 / hour.
If you gather the information together and put it into an email,
attach the pictures you want on the site and describe what
you want to accomplish, then the design will be $50.
We will set it up with re-usable blocks like headers, side-menu,
footers, etc. and easy to update content blocks.
For a consistent corporate look and feel you can clone any
page and just use a different content block, and we show you
how to do that.
With our system, the only difficult part is the getting around
to getting started gathering your info.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious
complaint.
"Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive."
"Come on now GopherBait," the doctor said,
"your sex drives all in your head."
"That's what I mean, you've got to lower it a little."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives
alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,
loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes
out and finding the politicians, buries them.
The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the
man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police
officer. "Were they all dead?"
The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know
how politicians lie."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Buying Winter Clothes
Now is a great time of year to get good deal on winter
clothing as stores make space for spring apparel. You can
also find deep discounts on ski and snowboarding equipment
in the next couple months.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Wander through the Sicilian village in a cave frozen in time.
|
___________________________________________________
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in
New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing
rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies.
"Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight.
That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I
can help."
So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked,
"What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink
with me?"
The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the
kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of
beer and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old
man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you
catch this morning?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful
smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"
___________________________________________________
Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the
table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an
article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a
football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and
common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his
face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the
most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned
by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she
likes and brings it to the counter. She finds out
the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the
street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!"
The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from
Goldstein's, and she says because they just
ran out of them.
The owner then says, "Ha! When I'm out of
them, they're only $29.95!"
Today December 2 in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the Cathedral of
Notre Dame in Paris.
1816 The first savings bank in the U.S., the Philadelphia Savings
Fund Society, opened for business.
1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine opposing
European expansion in the Western Hemisphere.
1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first razor
to feature a permanent handle and disposable double-edge razor
blades.
1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the
eastern front.
1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile. It
was the successor to the Model T.
1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an
airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m.
1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated by
Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the University of Chicago.
1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy for
what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate into
dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to McCarthy's
controversial investigation of suspected communists in the U.S.
government, military and civilian society.
1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally broadcast
speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he was going to
lead Cuba to communism.
1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as 191
people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most of the
passengers were reporters and photographers.
1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations.
1980 The Central Committee of Poland’s Communist Party announced
major Politburo changes. The changes were aimed at coping with
labor unrest.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent
artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney Clark. He
lived 112 days with the device. The operation was the first of
its kind.
1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of Pakistan.
1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India.
1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free all-
German elections since 1932.
1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive
earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. The earthquakes did not
occur.
1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor of the
Maastricht Treaty on European unity.
1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to fix
the Hubble Space Telescope.
1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of allegedly
fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was made with GM
under which the company would spend more than $51 million on
safety and research.
1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1 billion
dollar mission intended to study the sun.
1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising by
President Clinton and Vice President Gore. She had concluded that
they had not violated election laws.
1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million to
help immunize children in developing countries.
1999 The British government transferred political power over the
province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland Executive.
2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The filing
came five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4 billion
buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history.
2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life
form.
2018 smiled.
|
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| permalink | print article | ( 3 / 1480 )
Saturday, December 1, 2018, 10:06 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Thank you, Moe!!!
Today is Saturday, December 1
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman Arrested After Gas Attack
At Dollar General
______________________________________________________
Today, December 1 in
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that
ushered in the era of mass production.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Much of the social history of the Western world over the past
three decades has involved replacing what worked with what
sounded good.
--- Thomas Sowell (1930 - )
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.
--- Voltaire, 1737
There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people
more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the
government.
--- Benjamin Franklin
______________________________________________________
One morning a California highway department crew reaches
their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their
shovels.
The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor
the situation.
The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll
send some shovels. just lean on each other until the
shovels arrive."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man went on a ski trip and was knocked unconscious by the
chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital,
but it refused to cover his injury.
"Why is the injury not covered?" he asked.
"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep
said.
"That makes you an idiot and we consider that a pre-existing
condition."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Shella for this:
A butcher fresh out of trade school in Canada gets a job skinning
and cutting up the kills of local hunters. His first assignment
is a moose.
He cuts the moose up and puts the parts into carefully-marked
bags:
chops, steak, ribs, sirloin, etc, etc. When he finishes, he still
has a pile of unidentifiable parts. He shrugs and puts them all
into one large bag, which he marks
"Moosellaneous."
______________________________________________________
>From Linda
Eagle Tree
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Shanetta Wilson, 37
Dania Beach,
Florida
Florida Woman Arrested After Gas Attack
At Dollar General
A knife-wielding woman threatened to gut a fellow Dollar
General shopper after the victim complained in reference to the
defendant farting loudly while in the checkout line, Florida
police charge.
Shanetta Wilson, 37, got into an argument Sunday evening after a
male customer commented negatively about her passing gas,
according to investigators who responded to the store in Dania
Beach, a city just south of Ft. Lauderdale.
As alleged in a complant affidavit, Wilson removed a small knife
from her purse, opened the weapon, and told the victim she was
going to 'gut' him. When Wilson pulled her hand back as if
preparing to attack, victim John Walker, 55, was in fear that he
was going to be stabbed by the defendant.
Wilson, who lives in Dania Beach, was subsequently arrested on a
felony charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without
intent to kill. She was booked into the Broward County jail,
where she is being held in lieu of $2500 bond.
Pictured above, Wilson has a lengthy rap sheet that includes
convictions for battery; theft; marijuana possession; violating
probation; and possession of cocaine with intent to sell. (2
pages)
From: Frank
Re: Missing Humor Letter
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby,
Was there a humor letter for today Friday Noiv 30 ?
*1@shaw.ca
Frank
Dear Frank
yes, sure. It went out as usual.
When the sniveling ninnies censor your subscription,
you can always read it on-line at
http://webby.com/humor
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on
mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking
specifically about manic depression, she asked,
"How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then
sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered,
"He's A basketball coach?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I was working at the grocery-store checkout counter,
and a woman and her son came through the line.
The son unloaded the cart. Two eggs in a carton had been
cracked, and half a loaf of bread had been mysteriously
crushed. His mother chided him, remarking that she would
have to make French toast with the injured items.
He looked properly repentant until his mother walked off.
Then he whispered to me, "A friend told me to try the
broken egg/squashed bread routine. That's how he gets
his mom to make French toast for him!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Storing Christmas Lights
It is hard to get Christmas lights back in the original
packaging.
A quicker method is to reuse wrapping paper tubes. Attach the
lights to one of the paper tubes and then wrap it around. Tape
both ends and store in a large box with padding.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Hours of beautiful scenes and relaxing music.
|
___________________________________________________
The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school
in the morning. "Nobody in school likes me," he complained. "The
teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the
superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the
school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in
for me. I don't want to go to school."
"But you have to go to school," countered his mother. "You are
healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer
others, you are a leader. And besides, you are forty-five years
old and you are the principal."
___________________________________________________
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when
she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of
slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again,
their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90
miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops
following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead.
She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room.
Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were
standing
there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly,
"I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills.
The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.'
He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell
before?"
Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."
Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong."
The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."
"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"
Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
Today December 1 in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy
tales.
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that
ushered in the era of mass production.
1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, in
Pittsburgh, PA.
1919 Lady Astor was sworn in as the first female member of the
British Parliament.
1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World War I
protagonists and guaranteed that WWII would start in a decade.
1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was
assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters.
1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April 1943
the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction of the
Army Air Forces.
1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect.
1943 In Teheran, leaders of the United States, the USSR and the
United Kingdom met to reaffirm the goal set on October 30, 1943.
The previous meeting called for an early establishment of an
international organization to maintain peace and security.
1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful sex-
change operation had been performed.
1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused to
give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested marking
a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S.
1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty
that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would
be free from military activity.
1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began.
1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since World
War II.
1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately
crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame
fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing.
1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the United
Kingdom and France.
1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts to
help build a space station. The companies were Boeing Aerospace,
G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas Aeronautics, and
Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International.
1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an
unsuccessful coup against Corazon Aquino's government.
1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's
constitutional guarantee of supremacy.
1990 Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the
Persian Gulf crisis.
1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel
finally met under the English Channel.
1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the
Soviet Union.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment
attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress.
1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the
124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade.
1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion
creating the largest company in the world to date.
2013 Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on "60
Minutes." The services was planned to use unmanned aerial
vehicles to deliver packages to customers.
2018 smiled.
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Friday, November 30, 2018, 11:22 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Thank you, Moe!!!
Today is Friday, November 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman Battered Man Over Rejection
______________________________________________________
Today, November 30 in
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet
troops invaded Finland. Finland asked Germany for help. At the
end of WWII, after the Germans had lost hundreds of thousands of
troops and untold supplies, Finland changed sides to be on the
winning side of WWII when it ended.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Most people have seen worse things in private than they
pretend to be shocked at in public.
--- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937)
The wages of sin are death,
but by the time taxes are taken out,
it's just sort of a tired feeling.
--- Paula Poundstone
______________________________________________________
In my job with a delivery company, I was getting phone
directions to a customer's home. The woman very specifically
said, "From the main road in the center of town go two
lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next
street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then
take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second
on the right, and the number is on the mailbox."
As I entered the information into the computer, I asked,
"What color is your house?"
The woman paused a second and said, "Hold on. I'll go check."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Not quite grasping the sanctity of "Monday Night Football,"
I plunked myself next to my new husband one Monday night to
chat. He was distracted by the action on TV, and after being
shushed a few times, I gave him a "look."
Immediately contrite, he picked up the remote. "I'm sorry,
honey," he apologized, "I'm being rude. You go ahead and
talk--I'll just turn up the volume."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in
front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk
lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending
the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make
these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the
customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Rebecca Lynn Phelps, 31
Tampa
Florida
Florida Woman Battered Man Over Rejection
A Florida Woman battered her boyfriend after he “said no and went
back to bed” after she “grabbed his genitals wanting to have sex”
on Thanksgiving night, cops say.
Rebecca Lynn Phelps, 31, was arrested for domestic battery
following a confrontation in the Tampa-area home she shares with
the victim and the couple’s child.
Phelps’s arrest was the second time in 14 months that she was
busted for allegedly battering a man who did not want to have sex
with her, records show.
Investigators allege that the victim, 25, was sleeping late
Thursday night when Phelps entered their bedroom seeking to have
sex. After Phelps groped her partner’s private parts, the “victim
said no and went back to sleep,” according to a criminal
complaint.
Phelps subsequently returned to the bedroom and started “tapping”
the man’s leg. “The victim pretended to be asleep to ignore the
defendant who was intoxicated,” cops noted.
Phelps then allegedly “scratched the victim on his left eye
causing it to swell and turn black and blue.” Phelps, who told
cops she did not touch the victim, was arrested on a misdemeanor
domestic battery charge. She was released yesterday morning from
the county jail after posting $100 bond.
A judge has ordered Phelps to have no contact with the victim.
In September 2017, Phelps was arrested after allegedly getting
mad at a man “because he did not want to have sexual relations
with her.” Phelps screamed at the victim and smacked him “so hard
on the right side of his face it left redness on his face.” She
also allegedly scratched the man’s arm, causing it to bleed.
Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue the case against
Phelps. It is unclear whether the victim in the 2017 matter is
the same man in the current
From: Louis
Re: How to recognize a scam
Dear Webby,
How do you recognize if something is a silly scam or if it is
real ?
Louis
Dear Louis
If there is a line that says:
"Pass this on to all your friends."
then it is a silly scam.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Astrological "Afterwards" Comments
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry -- do you want some pizza?"
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me -- I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"
Btw., I am a Taurus
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where
I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what
circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through
my line must have been aware of store policy. She pointed to the
lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I
bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Apply for Financial Aid Early
Apply for financial aid as early as possible. The amount
of aid you get is based on your need level, fund availability,
and the date your application process is completed.
File your financial aid application as soon as you file
your taxes.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Carnival celebrations from around the world!
|
___________________________________________________
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled
upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"
Shouting back, the woman replies,
"For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last
half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!"
___________________________________________________
A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his
parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and
said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!"
The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on
a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
>From Lisa
While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in
her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year-old son
with her.
Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked,
"Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"
"What do you say?" she asked.
Respectfully, the boy replied, "You're thin and beautiful."
The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.
Today November 30 in
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an army
of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King Charles
XII died on this day.
1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace
articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War.
1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France.
1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz Mexico
declared war on France.
1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and
destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope.
1858 John Landis Mason received a patent for the first pepper
shaker with a screw-on cap.
1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine.
1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its first
commercial exhibition.
1906 George Parker Bidder, President of the Marine Biological
Association (UK) released a glass bottle with a message into the
North Sea. The bottle spent 108 years and 38 days at sea before
it was found on the shores of Germany in 2015.
1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire. The
structure had been constructed for the International Exhibition
of 1851.
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet
troops invaded Finland. Finland asked Germany for help. At the
end of WWII, after the Germans had lost hundreds of thousands of
troops and untold supplies, Finland changed sides to be on the
winning side of WWII.
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking.
1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a
meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock weighed
8½-pounds.
1956 CBS replayed the program "Douglas Edward and the News" three
hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was the world's
first broadcast via videotape.
1962 U Thant of Burma was elected secretary-general of the United
Nations, succeeding the late Dag Hammarskjold.
1966 The former British colony of Barbados became independent.
1981 The U.S. and the Soviet Union opened negotiations in Geneva
that were aimed at reducing nuclear weapons in Europe.
1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S. President
Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired national security
staffer Oliver North as a "national hero."
1988 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco Inc.
with a bid of $24.53 billion.
1989 PLO leader Yasser Arafat was refused a visa to enter the
United States in order to address the U.N. General Assebly in New
York City.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill. The
bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases and
background checks of prospective buyers.
1995 President Clinton became the first U.S. chief executive to
visit Northern Ireland.
1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire Bankers
Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's largest
financial institution.
2001 For the first time in it's history, McDonald's teamed up
with a retail partner on its Happy Meal promotions. Toys R Us
provided plush figures from it's Animal Alley.
2004 In Stockholm, Sweden, the Carl Larsson painting "Boenskoerd"
("Bean Harvest") was sold at auction for $730,000. The work had
been in a private collection for more than a century. The Larsson
work "Vid Kattegatt" ("By Kattegatt") sold for $640,000 at the
same auction.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, November 29, 2018, 07:56 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 29
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida gamer left microphone on
during sex assault
______________________________________________________
Today, November 29 in
1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S. with
Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth twice before
landing off Puerto Rico.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to
swear that only the other one snores.
--- Terry Pratchett
Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision
for the limits of the world.
--- Arthur Schopenhauer
And God said:
'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me.
And let there be lawyers,
so people don't blame everything on Satan."
--- George Burns
______________________________________________________
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the
zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials
put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning,
just roaming around the zoo.
A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the
next enclosure asked the kangaroo,
"How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a hundred and fifty feet,
unless somebody starts locking the gate at night."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A famous art collector is walking through the city
when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a
saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a
double take. He recognizes that the saucer is
extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually
into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for
sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat
around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty
dollars for that cat."
And the owner says, "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I
wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The
cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a
dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky
saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight stray
cats."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
My client Anita and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant.
When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Anita
made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her
own pair.
"As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve
of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils."
The waiter inspected her chopsticks.
"Velly bootiful," he said politely. "Ivoly flom lasst highland
ellefant!"
______________________________________________________
The bait works!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Daniel Enrique Fabian, 18,
New Port Richey
Florida
Florida gamer left microphone on
during sex assault
Another PlayStation gamer overheard the attack.
A Florida teen took a break from his game of Grand Theft Auto to
rape an underage girl, police say. Daniel Enrique Fabian, 18,
allegedly told another player on an online multiplayer network
that he was leaving the game for a few minutes to "smash" the 15-
year-old girl, the Miami Herald reports. The other player told
police that Fabian left his microphone on and he overheard the
entire attack, with the distressed girl yelling "No." It's not
clear whether the other gamer on the PlayStation network was the
one who reported Fabian to police, WFLA reports. The other gamer
says Fabian returned to the game after about 15 minutes.
Fabian, a New Port Richey resident, was arrested last week and
charged with lewd and lascivious battery on a victim between the
age of 12 and 15. Police say that during the attack overheard by
the other gamers, he covered the girl's mouth and held her down
as she repeatedly tried to get away. Police say DNA from the
victim linked Fabian to the rape. The Pasco County Sheriff's
Office says Fabian, who is being held on $30,000 bond, was
arrested in June for allegedly raping another 15-year-old girl at
his home.
From: Kenneth
Re: Best Back-Up
Dear Webby,
I know you once wrote about what the best method is to back up
your hard drive. Unfortunately at that time I didn't have
anything
worth backing up and did not pay attention. Sorry 'bout that!
I'm sure there are others with the same predicament. Can you
please tell us again?
Thanks
Kenneth
Dear Kenneth
The fastest, and worst, method is to back up onto a different
drive in the same machine. A fire or a burglary will make you
wonder why you backed up your important business data.
The best method is to back up to somewhere else. I back up
onto the web.
You can even back up onto DropBox.
Second best is to back up onto a portable USB drive. You can
get 2 TB portable drives now about the size of a package of
cigarettes. They easily fit into a pocket or purse. You can also
get cases for them and just stuff a drive into them yourself.
You can also encrypt the data on the back-up drive.
With that method you simply take that portable drive with
you and throw it into the glove box of your car or keep it in a
pocket or purse. No matter what happens to the office or the
computer, your business is still safe and ready to be restored
onto a replacement machine.
CD's work too, but that is a relatively slow and cumbersome
method and therefore usually does not get done.
You have to chose a strategy that is simple enough and easy
enough. Only then will it get done regularly and become a
good habit.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Ann for this one:
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I
got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class
for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I
got my leotards on, the class was over.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
As in many homes my wife and I faced the annual conflict
of which was more important - the football games on television,
or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest
of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner
conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the
game.
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and
graciously even bought a cold beer for me with her. She
smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the
score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter
and that the score was still nothing to nothing.
"See?" she said, continuing to smile,
"You didn't miss a thing."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Late Buying Christmas and Other Gifts
After Christmas is also a good time to buy gifts. Any item
such as gift sets or baking equipment can be gifted
the following year or during the year as birthday
presents. Just remember that just because it
doesn't cost much doesn't mean it's a good deal.
Some of the things leftover are leftover because
they weren't salable at regular price so pick carefully.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
This young boy is so talented, way above other people his age!
|
___________________________________________________
German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered
small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a
long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000
years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily
impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even
deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and
they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago
already had a nationwide fiber network.
Irish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters
underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded
that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago obviously must have
used cellphones.
___________________________________________________
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.
It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm . . . that's
funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now
there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I
found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a
reward."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Thanks to Al for this:
The other night, my wife and I were going out. She sat there
and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes,
mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and
said, "Does this look natural?"
Today November 29 in
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a militia
led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400 peaceful
Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and had been
given permission to camp after giving up their weapons.
1890 Navy defeated Army by a score of 24-0 in the first Army-Navy
football game. The game was played at West Point, NY.
1892 A patent was issued to Almon Brown Strowger for the rotary
dial.
1929 The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made by
U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd.
1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland prior
to a Soviet attack.
1945 The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic
proclaimed.
1947 The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that called
for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews.
1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S. with
Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth twice before
landing off Puerto Rico.
1963 A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and 7 crew
members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes after
takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed. The crash
was the worst in Canada's history.
1974 In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican Army
became effective.
1975 Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company he and
Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer language for
the Altair.
1982 The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union should
withdraw its troops from Afghanistan.
1987 A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115 people
aboard.
1987 Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding for
more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in Oakdale, LA.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal
defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail to
preserve potentially vital evidence.
1989 In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended the
party's 40-year monopoly on power.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military action
if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and release all
foreign hostages by January 15, 1991.
1991 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a dust
storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5.
1994 Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its
airport only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin demanded
the breakaway republic end its civil war.
1996 A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen
Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre of
1,200 Muslims. The sentence was the first international war
crimes sentence since World War II.
1998 Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin and
other narcotics.
2004 The French government announced plans to build the Louvre II
in northern France. The 236,808 square foot museum was the
planned home for 500-600 works from the Louvre's reserves.
2008 In China, construction on the Shanghai Tower began.
2018 smiled.
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Wednesday, November 28, 2018, 10:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 28
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida man stabs woman over
undercooked potato
______________________________________________________
Today, November 28 in
1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral would
be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated predecessor.
The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in 1973 by a vote of
residents.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
--- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies
will not believe you anyway.
--- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
______________________________________________________
Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing
a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed
man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your
money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied,
"You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Sue for this story:
After being laid off, I papered the town with my resume. Days
passed, and I hadn't received a single phone call. I decided to
take a closer look at the copies my husband had printed at his
real estate office.
I quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the
machine.
At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common
real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while
deemed to be accurate, is not guaranteed."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The following ads appeared in a newspaper over a period of four
days, the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's
mistake.
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for
sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who
lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad
yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale
cheap. Phone 555- 0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with
him after 7 P.M."
WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has
received several annoying telephone calls because of the error
we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct
as follows: "For sale - - R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for
sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs.
Kelly who loves with him."
THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for
sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone
disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until
yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit.
______________________________________________________
Awww, Shut Up!!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Kenneth Crumpton, 36,
Yulee,
Florida
Florida man stabs woman over
undercooked potato
Facebook
A Yulee man was jailed in Nassau County after he reportedly
stabbed a woman over an undercooked potato, deputies said.
Kenneth Crumpton, 36, is charged with aggravated battery with a
deadly weapon after he reportedly used a fork to stab a woman in
the head, a Nassau County Sheriff's Office report said.
The victim told a witness that she was stabbed in the head with a
fork. Crumpton denied stabbing the victim and said that he threw
the fork and it "glanced off her head," the arrest report said,
The victim had multiple stab wounds and visible blood on her
head, deputies said. She refused treatment, the report said.
From:Karl
Re: PUSH Mail
Dear Webby
what exactly is "Push Mail"? I got one
of those smart phones and one of the reviews said it
was a "Push Mailer's dream".
Hope you get those votes and Happy New Year!
Karl
Dear Karl
Traditional mail is "Pull". It patiently waits on the server,
until you pull it down into your computer.
Push mail is like cell phone calls, it is pushed at you
at your most inconvenient time, for example when you are
in the shower, or talking to somebody. I'll pass on that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The District Judge in our county is a no-nonsense woman who has
never left any doubt as to her professionalism. What those of us
who work in the court didn't know was whether she had a sense of
humor. The matter was put to rest the morning an older woman was
testifying before the judge. Several times during the
proceedings
the woman addressed the judge as "Honey."
Finally the judge looked the woman in the eye and said,
"That's Judge Honey."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"Did your wife have much to say when you got home last
night?"
"No, but that didn't keep her from yelling for two hours."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Buy Christmas Items
Right after Christmas is a great time to buy Christmas
decorations, wrapping paper and cards at clearance prices.
Only buy items you know you will use and put them in a clearly
marked box. Candy and chocolate is also on sale, you can
freeze for baking.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
536 Was a Garbage Year for Mankind (So Give 2018 a Break)
|
___________________________________________________
Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these expensive
gloves?
A: Buy her a diamond ring.
___________________________________________________
People made the following calls this year to the British RSPCA
(Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals):
· A woman claiming that the "Beast of Bodmin Moor" was
outside her door and laying siege to her house. The "beast"
turned out to be her new telephone books in a black plastic bag.
· A person who reported a black swan trapped on a building
roof that ended up being a black plastic bag flapping in the
wind.
· A person who called to report an injured magpie on their
driveway which ended up being a black and white Nike sneaker.
· The many people calling to report birds trapped within their
walls and fireplaces that turn out to be the "chirping" of their
smoke alarms warning of low batteries.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over
the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on College
Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Plowing has been completed. The six hundred and twentseven
students who went to move 26 cars can return to class now."
Today November 28 in
1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the Pacific
Ocean after passing through the South American strait. The strait
was named after him. He was the first European to sail the
Pacific from the east.
1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married.
1757 English poet, painter and engraver William Blake was born.
Two of his best known works are "Songs of Innocence" and "Songs
of Experience."
1919 American-born Lady Astor was elected the first female member
of the British Parliament.
1922 Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the first
public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out, "Hello USA. Call
Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times Square.
1925 The Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut on station WSM.
1942 In Boston, MA, 491 people died in a fire that destroyed the
Coconut Grove.
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime Minister
Winston Churchill and Soviet Leader Joseph Stalin met in Tehran
to map out strategy concerning World War II.
1953 New York City began 11 days without newspapers due to a
strike of photoengravers.
1958 The African nation of Chad became an autonomous republic
within the French community.
1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral would
be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated predecessor.
The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in 1973 by a vote of
residents.
1964 The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from Cape
Canaveral on a course set for Mars.
1978 The Iranian government banned religious marches.
1979 An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole crashed in
Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard.
1983 The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9 Spacelab
in its cargo bay.
1985 The Irish Senate approved the Anglo-Irish accord concerning
Northern Ireland.
1987 A South African Airways Boeing 747 crashed into the Indian
Ocean. All 159 people aboard were killed.
1989 Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci arrived in New York after
escaping her homeland through Hungary.
1990 Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain.
1992 In Bosnia-Herzegovina, 137 tons of food and supplies were to
be delivered to the isolated town of Srebrenica.
1992 In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant gunmen
attacked a country club killing four people and injuring 20.
1994 Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed to
death in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate.
1994 Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership.
1995 U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill that
ended the federal 55 mph speed limit.
2010 WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S.
diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or
"confidential."
2018 smiled.
|
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SBC- Global mail downtime Tuesday, November 27, 2018, 09:19 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 27
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Principal accused of raping
12-year-old student found dead
______________________________________________________
Today, November 27 in
1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor
of the Celsius (Metric) thermometer.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not
know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt
Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea
with a two-hour vocabulary.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do
it in the streets and frighten the horses.
--- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885)
There's no point in being grown up
if you can't be childish sometimes.
--- Doctor Who
______________________________________________________
Judi had just returned to the United States from a month-long
trip to Europe. She'd been to England, France, Spain, Italy,
Germany, and Switzerland. John met her at the airline
gate, hugged her, and asked, "So, how was your trip?"
"Oh, it was terrible," she replied, "the whole place is just full
of foreigners."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
FOOTBALL PLAYERS at the high school where I worked were
stealing the practice jerseys, so the coach ordered a set with
"Property of Central High School" emblazoned on them. When the
thefts continued, he ordered a new batch that had the imprint
"Stolen from Central High School." But the jerseys still kept
disappearing. The larceny finally stopped after he changed the
wording to "Central High School 4th String."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest
son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army
recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table,
then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief
that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You
didn't really do that, did you?"
"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training," scoffed
another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she
was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question. "Do
you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Richard Omar Knight, 35,
Mebane, Orange County,
North Carolina
Principal accused of raping
12-year-old student found dead
A North Carolina charter school principal accused of raping a 12-
year-old student on campus was found dead of an apparent self-
inflicted injury, The News & Observer reported, citing a police
report.
Authorities in Orange County found Richard Omar Knight, 35, in a
wooded area near Mebane on Friday, WRAL reported. Two hunters
found his body and called 911, the Orange County Sheriff's Office
said in a news release. Police said no foul play was suspected,
the television station reported.
Knight, 35, was the principal at Dillard Academy until he was
charged Friday with raping a 12-year-old student on campus.
Goldsboro police announced Knight's death Monday afternoon, but
said the investigation into his alleged crimes would continue,
WRAL reported.
Goldsboro police learned of the student's allegations Thursday
and obtained a warrant Friday, charging Knight with statutory
rape, a sex act and indecent liberties with a female at Dillard
Academy Charter School, The News & Observer reported. Knight, of
Smithfield, was principal of the charter school.
From:Jerry
Re: SBCglobal downtime
Dear Webby
Just a curiosity question. Denise has SBCglobal.net email
and it had been down the last few Christmases. I was guessing
overload due to so many Holiday e-cards being delivered/read,
etc. Her email is back up right now (her work address never went
down). Just wondering if my guess could have been correct,
or if it might have been some other problem.
Thanks
Jerry
Dear Jerry
SBCglobal is part of Yahoo.
Their UNreliability is quite predictable.
Yes, of course their mail went down every Christmas,
and Valentines and Mothers Day.
If she wants reliable email, she should get a gmail address.
Gmail is free, and has become the most popular email system in
the world.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all
his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.
"But everyone tells their age to the census taker,"
he said.
"Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?"
she asked.
"Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she
snapped.
"As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name.
After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she
tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend
says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left
just a few days before your husband died.
How could you be broke?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of
course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so
that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."
The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness,
how big was it?"
Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Returning Items
If you plan on returning an item that you received as a gift
but don't have a receipt, you will want to do it within a
week or so of Christmas. Most stores are much more relaxed
about returns immediately after Christmas.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The best of People are Awesome! I can tell these people don't spend their time on social media.
|
___________________________________________________
A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the
night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's
a thief in the house."
"Not in the House," her husband says. "In the Senate,
for sure, my dear, but not in the House."
___________________________________________________
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was
engrossed in a magazine.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
"Listen to this," she said.
"There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to
swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season
ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over," he said.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them
missed their old home. That December, when they went to
pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told
them about a conversation she overheard.
One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we are going to
Christmas Mass."
"Were Jewish," said another child. "And we're going to have
a Hanukkah celebration."
Madison chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going to have a
barbecue."
Today November 27 in
1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor of
the Celsius (Metric) thermometer.
1779 The College of Pennsylvania became the University of
Pennsylvania. It was the first legally recognized university in
America.
1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive an
automobile through Central Park in New York City.
1901 The Army War College was established in Washington, DC.
1910 New York's Pennsylvania Station opened.
1934 The U.S. bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson was killed by
FBI agents near Barrington, IL.
1963 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson delivered his first address
to a joint session of Congress.
1970 Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked at the
Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as a priest.
1973 The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as vice
president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew.
1978 San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor
Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside
City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor.
1983 183 people were killed when a Colombian Avianca Airlines
Boeing 747 crashed near Barajas airport in Madrid.
1985 The British House of Commons approved the Anglo-Irish accord
giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing of British-ruled
Northern Ireland.
1987 French hostages Jean-Louis Normandin and Roger Auque were
set free by their pro-Iranian captors in West Beirut, Lebanon.
1989 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a Colombian
jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off from Bogota's
international airport. Police blamed the incident on drug
traffickers.
1991 The UN Security Council unanimously adopted a resolution
that led the way for the establishment of a UN peacekeeping
operation in Yugoslavia.
1992 In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow
President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in ten months.
2008 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was taken out of
service after more than 30 years. The ship was launched on
September 20, 1967.
2018 smiled.
|
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Monday, November 26, 2018, 08:22 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 26
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Floriduh girl, 2, ‘screamed and cried while
being raped by dad for dark web video’
______________________________________________________
Today, November 26 in
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces
to retreat.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice
to believe.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
Political correctness is the coward's substitute for integrity.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they promised
they would take care of it, mom, as usual, ended up with
the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many
times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't
looked after it?"
After a moment, her five-year-old son replied quizzically,
"Uh, once?"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dave for this story:
Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our
discussions about how to handle the customer who asks,
"What's good tonight?"
Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think
was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I
heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid
tongue, explodes one day in mid session and begins to shout,
"Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt
politicians!"
All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he
withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder
of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member accepted and said, "Okay,
I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of
cowards and corrupt politicians!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
James Lockhart, 30,
Manatee County,
Floriduh
Floriduh girl, 2, ‘screamed and cried while
being raped by dad for dark web video’
A two year-old girl ‘screamed and cried’ while being raped by her
father in an eight minute video he uploaded to the dark web,
police say. Horrifying details of the abuse the toddler allegedly
suffered at the hands of her father James Lockhart were outlined
as it was revealed he faces the death penalty if convicted of the
abuse. A criminal complaint seen by WFLA explained: ‘The video
documents the rape.
‘The toddler continues to scream and cry.’ According to the Miami
Herald, Lockhart, 30, also made posts on securely encrypted web
pages detailing his sexual experiences with a young girl and boy,
while asking for suggestions of things he could do and promising
future updates.
Homeland Security officers traced Lockhart to his home through
instant messaging service Kik on October 5. They showed the
alleged pedophile’s wife clips with the little girl’s face
blurred out. She is said to have instantly recognized her
daughter, her husband’s hand, their couch and the girl’s stuffed
animal toy, an indictment claims.
Further analysis proved that the hand in the video matched
Lockhart’s, with handwriting analysis further showing that the
father’s script matched a handwritten sign seen on-screen. The
girl alleged to have been abused and her twin brother were taken
into custody on the day of their father’s arrest. An indictment
seen by the Herald explained that Lockhart was initially
investigated by Boston-based agents trying to track down the
people behind child abuse clips. The suspect is said to have
made other postings under the name HardWood. Manatee County
Sheriff’s Office say Lockhart is facing numerous charges,
including capital sexual battery – meaning he could be put to
death if convicted.
From:Nita
Re: Directdbnotifywndproc
Dear Webby
Everytime I go on line my computer is busy with the following
"Directdbnotifywndproc". This runs for over an hour. Do you
know what this is & how to remove it? Computer is a new
Dell with XP Home.
Thank you kindly, Happy New Year,
Nita
Dear Nita
That problem is normal with computers that have Outlook
Depressed and Computer Associates spyware loaded.
>From what I read, that problem goes away when the user
outgrows either of those two programs. Until you do, keep
your mail backed up far away from Outlook Depressed.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After the Great Britain Beer Festival in London, all the
brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy
from Corona sat down at the bar and said to the bartender,
"Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusted off a bottle from the shelf and gave
it to him.
The head of Budweiser said, "I'd like the best beer in
the world. Give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gave him one.
The Coors chief said, "I'd like the only beer made with
Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
The bartender got it.
The Guinness man sat down and said, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender was a little taken aback, but gave it to him.
The other brewery presidents looked at him and asked,
"Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
The Guinness president replied, "Well, I figured
if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The right side of a boat was called the starboard side due to
the fact that the astro-navigators used to stand out on a plank
(which was on the right side) to get an unobstructed view of
the stars. The left side was called the port side, because that
was the side that they put toward the dock when they pulled
into port. This was so they didn't knock off the starboard.
Actually, it goes back a lot further than that.
In the days before personal firearms, ships had a stair going
upstairs to where the captain and the officers were. That stair
was always on the right side.
Access to the stair was through a tunnel from the port side,
forcing any pirates or enemies to attack in single file before
getting to the stair.
Later, when they got canons, those were always on the port side,
never on the stair side. The powder was usually stored downstairs
on the stair side, because a shot into the powder magazine
usually sunk the ship.
Good old days!
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Buying Big Ticket Items
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife
with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you
do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking
at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the
Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress.
You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him!
Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from
back here, too!"
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Astronomy Picture of the Day
|
___________________________________________________
A protestor said to his girlfriend, "I'm on my way to pick
up my unemployment check. Then I've got to go to the
university to see what's holding up this month's Federal
Education Grant. Meanwhile you can go over to the Free
Clinic and check up on your tests. And right after I
stop by the Welfare Department to see if they will up
our eligibility limit again I'll meet you at the Federal
Building for the demonstration against this rotten,
oppressive Republican establishment....!"
___________________________________________________
A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on
'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid.
"This", he explained, "is urine.
To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color,
smell, sight, and taste."
After saying this, he dipped a finger into the jar and put
it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement,
most, in disgust. But being the good students that they
were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped
one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head.
"If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed
that I put my 2nd finger in to the jar and my 3rd finger into
my mouth."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the
boarding announcement at Gate B35.
Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying,
"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570
will board from Gate E41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to
Gate E41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told
us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate B35.
So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to
the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice
spoke again:
"Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness
program."
Today November 26 in
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on display in
Boston, MA.
1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to observe the
adoption of the Constitution of the United States.
1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City.
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car.
1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially formed in
Montreal, Canada.
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of King
Tutankhamen.
1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to live
within a walled ghetto.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered nationwide
gasoline rationing to begin December 1.
1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world premiere at
the Hollywood Theater in New York City.
1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk by a guided
missile. The German missile attack led to the death of 1,015 U.S.
troops.
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces to
retreat.
1958 Maurice Richard (Montreal Canadiens) scored his 600th NHL
career goal.
1965 France became the third country to enter space when it
launched its first satellite the Diamant-A.
1975 Lynette"Squeaky" Fromme was found guilty by a federal jury
in Sacramento, CA, for trying to assassinate U.S. President Ford
on September 5.
1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to re-admit China
after a 21-year absence.
1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport was
robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold bars worth
nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the gold has ever been
recovered and only two men were convicted in the heist.
1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were acquired by
Random House for $3,000,000.
1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser Arafat,
who was seeking permission to travel to New York to address the
U.N. General Assembly.
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi Foreign
Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand that Iraq withdraw
from Kuwait.
1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire MCA
Inc. for $6.6 billion.
1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II had
volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal income. She
also took her children off the public payroll.
1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the Brooklyn
borough of New York City. The clerk inside was fatally burned.
1997 The U.S. and North Korea held high-level discussions at the
State Department for the first time.
1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro wrestling
and would run for president in 2000.
2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that censured
Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning that it would be
policed to put to rest suspicions that the country had a nuclear
weapons agenda.
2011 The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft launched
from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL. The Mars rover
Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale Crater on August 6, 2012.
2018 smiled.
|
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Incredimail vs Thunderbird Sunday, November 25, 2018, 08:58 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 25
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
2 arrested for Breaking Into Cal
Fire Station during "Camp" Fire
______________________________________________________
Today, November 25 in
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated
New York. New York was their last military position in the U.S.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Seek simplicity, and distrust it.
--- Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)
______________________________________________________
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
--- Jeff Marder
I won't take my religion from any man who never works
except with his mouth.
--- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967)
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
"Purpose of visit?" asked the customs agent as we approached
a checkpoint at the U.S.-Canadian border.
"We're going to a wedding," my wife said.
"Are you carrying any weapons -- knives, guns?" he asked.
"No," she said. "It's not that kind of wedding."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
After a lady's car had leaked motor oil on her cement
driveway, she bought a large sack of cat litter to soak
it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the
convenience store to get another bag to finish the job.
The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her
purchase, he said, "Lady, if that were my cat, I'd put
him outside!"
______________________________________________________
Minot's Lighthouse, Massachusetts
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Robert DePalma
William Erlbacher
Concow,
California
2 arrested for breaking into Cal
fire station during Camp fire
Two Concow men are accused of breaking into a Cal Fire station
during the Camp Fire.
Robert DePalma and William Erlbacher both face five felony counts
including looting during an emergency and possession of stolen
property.
Bail is set at $250,000 each.
Looting during an emergency is bad enough, looting at the Fire
Station will hopefully get them the death penalty.
From: Larry
Re: Thunderbird versus Incredimail
Dear Webby
I am using Incredimail xe as my email provider. I am
wondering if Thunderbird would be a better profider.
Can i transfer my email addresses to it.
any info would be very helpful.
Sincerely. Larry
Dear Larry
Neither Incredimail nor Thunderbird are email PROVIDERS.
They are email programs. You still need an email provider, either
your local ISP or Gmail or AOL or any outfit like that.
Once you have signed up with an email provider, then you can
choose which email program you want to use.
If you travel a lot, choose Gmail as your provider. It works from
anywhere in the world.
Once you have a decent provider, then you can select the email
program.
You can definitely choose Incredimail, even though you will annoy
the recipients with the goofy attachments.
Gmail is very popular, and you can set it to be POP mail. Then
you can handle it with anything from Eudora to Thunderbird.
I still use Eudora. It works reliably. No problem since 1993.
If you keep your mail boxes trimmed down, you can even use
Outlook. Just don't allow them to get too large, or it will
suicide and take all your mails with it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After examining the contents of the employee suggestion box,
the senior partner of the law firm complained, "I wish they
would be more specific. What kind of kite? What lake?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The new bride had spent two hours preparing pumpkin pie
for their first Thanksgiving dinner together. During
desert, she watched her husband slowly savor each forkful.
"How was it, Honey?" she asked when he'd finished.
"Well," he began thoughtfully, wiping his lips, "you
probably could have beaten the eggshells a little longer.
But on the whole, it was a good start."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Buying Big Ticket Items
Between Christmas and New Years is a good time to buy big
ticket items like cars. Dealers usually want to clear out the
old to make way for the new. Still do your research,
compare prices, and DON'T buy from the first car
lot or store.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Lets travel to Arkansas USA
|
___________________________________________________
A little boy took the chair at the barbershop.
"How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the
barber.
"Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the
top."
___________________________________________________
Recently, our 18-year-old daughter started hunting for her first
real job. She spent an afternoon filling out applications,
leaving them on the kitchen table to finish later. As I walked
by, a section of the application on top jumped out at me. Under
"Previous Employment" she wrote,
"Baby sitting."
In answer to "Reason for Leaving" she wrote, "Parents came home."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
>From Ann
How to Clean the House
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to
delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button
firmly.
Feel better?
Today November 25 in
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be
granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian corn.
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured Fort
Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh.
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated New
York. New York was their last military position in the U.S.
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom.
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in exchange
for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public debts and settle
border disputes.
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite.
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk.
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and
Germany, was signed.
1947 Movie studio executives meeting in New York agreed to
blacklist the "Hollywood 10," who were cited a day earlier and
jailed for contempt of Congress when they failed to cooperate
with the House Un-American Activities Committee.
1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned
racial segregation on interstate trains and buses.
1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide after
giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war constitution.
1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in military
coup.
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against the
Detroit Lions.
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a cease-fire
in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon.
1985 Ronald W. Pelton was arrested on espionage charges. Pelton
was a former employee of the National Security Agency. He was
later convicted of 'selling secrets' to Soviet agents.
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese revealed
that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been diverted to
rebels in Nicaragua. National Security Advisor John Poindexter
resigned and Oliver North was fired.
1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election.
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into
separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1, 1993.
1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt on his
life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants near his
motorcade.
1995 Serbs protested in the streets of the Bosnian capital
Sarajevo The protest was against a peace plan.
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean dictator
Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought by Spain,
could not claim immunity from prosecution for the crimes he
committed during his rule.
1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first visit
to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II.
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5
billion bailout for Pakistan.
2018 smiled.
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Saturday, November 24, 2018, 12:13 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, November 24
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Mother drove two miles to police station
with son, 12, on auto's hood
______________________________________________________
Today, November 24 in
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published "On the
Origin of Species." It was the paper in which he explained his
theory of evolution through the process of natural selection.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Seek simplicity, and distrust it.
--- Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Judy for this story:
The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me
with questions about my newly pierced ears.
"Does the hole go all the way through?"
"Yes."
"Did it hurt?"
"Just a little."
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?"
"No, they used a special gun."
Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out,
"How far away did they stand?"
And one smart-aleck could not resist asking:
"Did they get both ears with one shot?"
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Dave
He was not well-educated and rather rough and crude around the
edges, but he was recently converted and now on fire for the
Lord.
He was constantly pestering the pastor to give him some work that
would be helpful to the church. Finally the pastor agreed. He
gave the man a list of ten people who hadn't been in church for
years nor made any financial contribution. Some of these were
quite prominent in the community.
The pastor said, "What I want you to do is get these people back
to church, however you can. You can use church stationery if
you want, but get these people back to church."
Three weeks later the pastor got an envelope in the mail from a
prominent doctor whose name had been on the list, along with a
check for $1,000 and a note that read, "Dear Pastor, Please
excuse my inactivity at church. I really have no excuse.Â
Accept this check as a partial contribution for all the Sundays
I've missed, and be assured I will never, by choice, miss worship
again.
Sincerely, J. B. Jones, M.D.
P.S. - Will you kindly tell your secretary that there is only
one "t" in dirty and no "c" in skunk?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Classic from the Clinton era
To: All staff, Los Alamos National Laboratory
From: Bill Richardson, Secretary of Energy
Dear staff members:
Due to an unfortunate and silly overreaction by the Republicans
in Congress to our minor difficulties in the security area, we're
being forced to tighten up just a bit.
Effective Monday:
1. The brown paper bag in which we store the computer disk drives
that contain the nation's nuclear secrets will no longer be left
on the picnic table at the staff commissary during lunch hour. It
will be stored in "the vault." I know this is an inconvenience to
many of you, but it's a sad sign of the times.
2. The three-letter security code for accessing "the vault" will
no longer be "B-O-B." To confuse would-be spies, that security
code will be reversed. Please don't tell anybody.
3. Visiting scientists and graduate students from Libya, North
Korea and mainland China will no longer be allowed to wander the
hallways without proper identification. Beginning Monday, they
will be required to wear a stick-on lapel tag that clearly
states, "Hello, My Name Is . . .." The stickers will be available
at the front desk.
4. The computer network used for scientific calculations will no
longer be hyper linked via the Internet to such Web sites as
www.moammar.com, www.swedechicks.com, or www.hackers-r-us.com.
Links to all Disney sites will be maintained, however.
5. Researchers bearing a security clearance of Level 5 and higher
will no longer be permitted to exchange updates on their work by
posting advanced-physics formulas on the men's room walls.
6. On "Bowling Night," please check your briefcases and laptop
computers at the front counter of the Bowl-a-Drome instead of
leaving them in the cloakroom. Mr. Badonov, the front-counter
supervisor, has promised to "keep un eye on zem" for us.
7. Staff members will no longer be allowed to take home small
amounts of plutonium, iridium or uranium for use in those "little
weekend projects around the house." That includes you parents who
are helping the kids with their science fair projects.
8. Thermonuclear devices may no longer be checked out for
"recreational use." We've not yet decided if exceptions will be
made for Halloween, the Fourth of July or New Year's Eve. We'll
keep you posted.
9. Employees may no longer "borrow" the AA batteries from the
burglar alarm system to power their Game Boys and compact-disc
players during working hours.
10. And, finally, when reporting for work each day, all employees
must enter through the front door. Raoul, the janitor, will no
longer admit employees who tap three times on the side door to
avoid clocking in late. I know this crackdown might seem punitive
and oppressive to many of you, but it is our sworn duty to
protect the valuable national secrets that have been entrusted to
our care.
Remember: Security isn't a part-time job-it's an imperative, all
37 1/2 hours of the week!
______________________________________________________
From Linda
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Shaurice Jones, 36,
Bath, a Lehigh Valley borough.
Pennsylvania
Mother drove two miles to police station
with son, 12, on auto's hood
A Pennsylvania mother drove two miles with her 12-year-son on the
hood of her car, according to police who yesterday arrested the
woman on a pair of endangerment charges.
As alleged in a criminal complaint, Shaurice Jones and her son
quarreled last week when she drove the boy to a local dentist.
The child, cops say, refused to go into the office. Instead, he
climbed atop his mother’s automobile.
Jones, 36, responded to her son’s protest by getting into her car
and driving two miles to a police precinct. The speed limit on
the road Jones traveled is 40 mph.
Upon arriving at the Colonial Regional Police Department, Jones
admitted to officers that she had been driving with her son on
the vehicle’s hood. It appears Jones went to the precinct in the
hopes that cops would mediate the family dental dispute.
Pictured above, Jones has been charged with endangering the
welfare of a child, a felony, and reckless endangerment, a
misdemeanor. She was freed from custody after posting $1000 bail
and is next due in court on December 4 for a preliminary hearing.
Jones lives in Bath, a Lehigh Valley borough.
That is the last time she will ever ask the police for help!
From: Derrick
Re: Filters not working
Dear Webby
I have made filters to filter out spam that has all the common
terms used by spammers. Yet more and more spams that has
exactly those words in the subject line gets through anyway.
The filters work some of the time but not at other times.
Is that MailWasher's fault or what's going on ?
Derrick
Dear Derrick
If you look into the header of those spams you will see some
weird gobbledigook in the spot where plain words are showing
if you read it with MailWasher or an email program.
The gobbledigook is just the character codes in a different font.
It is normally preceded with some stuff that contains:
=?ISO-
Just make a filter that looks for "=?ISO-" in the entire header.
I catch about a dozen spams a day with that filter, and I have
never seen a legitimate mail that had that combination of
characters in the header.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man got on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is
between Limerick and Cork.
"About two hours," says the driver.
Then the man says, "Okay, then how long is the trip between
Cork and Limerick?"
The irritated driver says to the man, "It's still about two
hours. Why would you think there would be a difference?"
And the man said, "Well, it's only a week between Christmas
and New Year, but it's a long time between New Year and
Christmas!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
An old man sitting on the nursing home porch turns to the
old man sitting next to him and chuckles, "Winter days
like this really take me back. Do you remember the first
time you made love to your wife?"
"Heck No", says the other fellow,
"I don't even remember the LAST time...."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Check the Sell By Date
When shopping, always note the "sell by" date. Most foods
will last a week past the "sell by" date. Look in the back of
cases for the latest dates. If you already own food you
won't be able to use, simply freeze it by the "sell by" date.
8
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The Shirk Report
|
___________________________________________________
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the
same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.
They rode on the elevator together at the end of an
unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely
done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior
was fresh as a daisy.
"I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to
complaining patients from morning till night, on a day like
this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"
The older analyst replied, "Oy, who listens?"
___________________________________________________
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys
holding a list.
"Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt,
and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone
and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a
challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.,
I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better
days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.
By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go
outside, pretend I had just gotten home and start all over
again. My wife agreed.
I went outside, came back in and with a big smile,
announced, "Honey, I'm home!"
"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply.
"It's after seven o'clock!"
Today November 24 in
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. They were
both 14 years old.
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published "On the
Origin of Species." It was the paper in which he explained his
theory of evolution through the process of natural selection.
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout Mountain began
in Tennessee.
1871 The National Rifle Association was incorporated in the U.S.
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a barbed fencing
material.
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an electric self-
starter for an automobile.
1940 Nazis closed off the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland. Over
the next three years the population dropped from 350,000 to
70,000 due to starvation, disease and deportations to
concentration camps.
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the Japanese
capital of Tokyo was made by land-based U.S. bombers.
1947 The "Hollywood 10," were cited for contempt of Congress for
refusing to answer questions about alleged Communist influence in
their industry.
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed Lee Harvey
Oswald live on national television.
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean bringing an end
to the second manned mission to the moon.
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted from a
Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with $200,000 in
ransom. He has not been caught.
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six Israeli
prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500 Palestinians and
Lebanese held by the Israelis.
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian jetliner.
60 people died in the raid.
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap short- and
medium-range missiles. It was the first superpower treaty to
eliminate an entire class of nuclear weapons.
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned after
more than a week of protests against its policies.
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141 people.
1993 The U.S. Congress gave its final approval to the Brady
handgun control bill.
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old) were
convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of Liverpool,
England. They were both sentenced to "indefinite detention."
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a constitutional
amendment legalizing divorce.
1996 Rusty Wallace won the first NASCAR event to be held in
Japan.
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their purchase of
Netscape for $4.21 billion. Then Microsoft "persuaded" AOL to
shelf and block Netscape and use Internet Explorer instead.
Billions of netscape fans were furious, but powerless against
Microsoft's unlimited wealth.
2018 smiled.
|
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Gramma got run over by a reindeer Friday, November 23, 2018, 10:37 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, November 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
What is the difference between the Palestinian Authority and
DACA?
Both fund terrorists.
The Palestinian Authority pays a salary for terrorists, who have
been caught and are sitting in a jail in Israel.
What DACA pays to criminals freed by Sanctuary states is well
enough known.
DACA recipient “Luis Cobos-Cenobio, 29, an illegal immigrant,
faces charges of terrorism and attempted capital murder after a
shooting spree that saw him open fire [on] police during two
separate confrontations as he tried to escape a routine traffic
stop last week.
A href="https://youtu.be/xzODIKkp-d0">Vido of attack
According to ICE officials, Cobos-Cenobio was part of DACA, a
controversial amnesty program pushed by former President Obama
and many Democrats.
“Mr. Cobos-Cenobio had at least two previous arrests, officials
said, including one misdemeanor charge in 2015 that brought him
to ICE’s attention. But the Obama administration, which was in
office at the time, concluded he wasn’t a danger, and declined to
pursue deportation,” The Times continued.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida Driver's Blood Alcohol Content
Was More Than 8X Legal Limit
______________________________________________________
Today, November 23 in
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were
killed in a series of earthquakes.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the
incomprehensible.
--- Alfred A. Knopf
We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics
ruled by Frankenstein logic.
--- David Russell
______________________________________________________
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a
few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the
very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Q.: Why does Santa wear red underwear?
A.: He's a man--he did all his laundry in one load.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dave for this story:
My mother and I returned to my parents' house late one evening
to find my father, my college-age brother, Steven, and my
ten-year-old sister fast asleep.
Mom had forgotten her house keys, so we knocked loudly, first
at the back door and then the front and side doors. We yelled
my father's name over and over, with no answer. The car horn
aroused the neighbors but no one at our house.
We drove into town and phoned home, finally waking Steven.
When we got back, he let us in. Dad was in bed, snoring,
with the television on. Mom quietly switched it off.
Dad woke right up.
"Don't turn that off," he said. "I'm watching it!"
______________________________________________________
Grand Island East Channel Lighthouse
Lighthouse in the Alger County, Michigan
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Ricardo Portillo-Gonzalez, 50,
Port Richey,
Florida
Florida Driver's Blood Alcohol Content
Was More Than 8X Legal Limit
A Florida motorist’s blood alcohol content was more than eight
times the legal limit when he was arrested yesterday for
careening across the road, hitting two guardrails, and nearly
striking other vehicles, cops report.
Ricardo Portillo-Gonzalez, 50, was pulled over Sunday afternoon
by a Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office corporal after police
issued multiple be-on-the-lookout warnings after receiving
witness reports about a dangerous driver.
When Portillo-Gonzalez was contacted, a cop noted that he smelled
of booze, had bloodshot, glassy eyes, and was unsteady on his
feet. A subsequent breathalyzer test registered Portillo-
Gonzalez’s blood alcohol content at .66 (the legal limit is .08).
A second test recorded the suspect’s BAC at .64.
Seen above, Portillo-Gonzalez was arrested for drunk driving and
booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor charge. The El
Salvador native, who works for a lawn care company, was released
from custody early this morning after posting $500 bond (and
sobering up).
Portillo-Gonzalez, who lives in Port Richey, a Tampa suburb, is
scheduled for a December 10 court appearance.
From: Alice
Re: Gramma got run over by a reindeer
Dear Webby
where can I find that classic about
Gramma got run over by a reindeer?
Gramma Alice
Dear Gramma Alice
Here it is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfSb6J4jhcU
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day, visited a doctor for a vaccination.
After the doctor gave an injection, he tried to
bandage around 's arm.
"I think you'd better bandage around the other arm, doc!"
asked .
"But, why? I'm supposed to bandage around the injected
part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it."
"You really don't have a clue about how kids behave, do you?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing
one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health one asked how
the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig
up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped
down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend
"What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Browning Flour for Gravy
The key to having appealing looking brown gravy, rather
than pale gravy, is to brown the flour you use to thicken
the gravy. Brown the flour in a skillet before adding liquid.
Be sure to keep the heat low so it doesn't burn.
For really fine gourmet gravy first gently sautee finely
chopped onions with a bit of butter until they are about
hazelnut brown.
Do NOT go check your email during that, or else the
onions will get black and bitter corners. When they are
evenly browned, sprinkle some flour over them and stir
until it too is evenly browned.
Then stand back and with a longhandled ladle pour a ladle
full water into the frying pan. The miniature steam explosion
will tear apart any flour balls and you will get a smooth and
delicious gravy. Add salt and pepper and whatever herbs
and spices are called for, and let it simmer for a while.
You can enhance the flavor by sprinkling some Hungarian
paprika over the onions before you sprinkle the flour. It
needs the hot butter to unlock it's flavor.
Enjoy!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Astronomy Picture of the Day
|
___________________________________________________
What's the most popular wine at Thanksgiving?
"Do I have to eat my Brussel sprouts?"
___________________________________________________
Thanks to Donnie for these:
"Authentic Amusing Headlines"
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
--- The Los Angeles Times
Light' meals are lower in fat, calories
-- Huntington Herald-Dispatch
Alcohol ads promote drinking
-- The Hartford Courant
Infertility unlikely to be passed on
--- Montgomery Advertiser
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
--- Cornell Daily Sun
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
--- The New York Times
Malls try to attract shoppers
-- The Baltimore Sun
Official: Only rain will cure drought
-- The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
-- Newsday
Man shoots neighbor with machete
-- The Miami Herald
Economist uses theory to explain economy
-- Collinsville Herald-Journal
Bible church's focus is the Bible
-- Saint Augustine Record, Florida
Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
-- Journal of Commerce
Lack of brains hinders research
-- The Columbus Dispatch
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those
pretty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied, "But where in the world a fake Jeep was
I going to find !!"
Today November 23 in
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act.
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing machine.
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at the
Palais Royale Saloon.
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands at the
age of 10 when her father William III died.
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of Tarawa
and Makin from the Japanese during the Central Pacific offensive
in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended.
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens.
1946 Mound Metalcraft changed its name to Tonka Toys
Incorporated.
1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital from
Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo.
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United
Nations Security Council.
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life
imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten.
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were killed in
a series of earthquakes.
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West
Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International
Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva.
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested and
accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a year after
his conviction.
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from Athens to
Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta.
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League (NHL)
goal.
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she had
witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two other people
at the Jose Simeon Canas University in El Salvador, was flown to
the U.S.
1991 Yugoslavia's rival leaders agreed to a new cease-fire, the
14th of the Balkan civil war.
1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were killed in
a stampede after Indian police baton-charged tribal protesters in
the western city of Nagpur.
1995 Charles Rathbun, free-lance photographer, was booked in
Hermosa Beach, CA, for investigation of murder in the
disappearance of model Linda Sobek. He was later convicted.
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen Electra.
The two had been married on November 14, 1998.
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil
settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve remaining state
claims for treating sick smokers.
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's effort to
block pornography on library computer calling the attempt
unconstitutional.
2001 A crowd of 87,555 people watched the Texas Longhorns beat
the Texas A&M Aggies 21-7. The crowd was the largest to see a
football game in Texas.
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, November 22, 2018, 11:55 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 22
If you are in the USA, Happy Thanksgiving!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Babysitter broke sobbing toddler’s bones
then dumped him near a hospital to die
______________________________________________________
Today, November 22 in
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a
motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also
seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was
inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
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One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
--- Rita Mae Brown
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl
and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
--- John Barrymore (1882 - 1942)
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single
word of what I am saying."
--- Oscar Wilde
______________________________________________________
I wondered if I could get my husband to address Christmas
cards, as I had so much to do. I arranged everything we
needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said, "Come
on, Dear, let's get these out of the way."
He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went
into the den, only to return moments later with a high stack
of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed.
"They're last year's," he said. "I forgot to mail them. Now
let's go out to dinner and relax. You've been working too
hard."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with
a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female
pedestrian.
She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She
looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's
path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and
stopped.
I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.
"I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have
happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Regina
After a recent move, I made up a list of companies,
agencies, and services that needed to know my new
address and phoned each one to ask for the change
to be made.
Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent
flier accounts.
After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do,
the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the
phone. You will have to fill out our change-of address form."
"How do I get one of those?" I asked.
"We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said
pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can
mail it to you?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Dominick Smith, 33,
Tulsa,
Oklahoma
Babysitter broke sobbing toddler’s bones
then dumped him near a hospital to die
A babysitter broke a two year-old boy’s bones because he would
not stop crying before dumping him at a hospital to die. Dominick
Smith, 33, was sentenced to life in prison last Friday for
shaking, hitting, dropping and whipping King Owens, leaving the
youngster with broken ribs and a skull fracture. Smith, who was
cleared of murder but convicted of child neglect, also gave the
toddler half a bottle of powerful sleep-aid NyQuil in a bid to
get him to sleep.
Two year-old King Owens was battered to death by babysitter
Dominick Smith because he wouldn’t stop crying. She was sentenced
to life in prison Friday
Smith’s boyfriend Johnny Jones is serving 40 years in jail after
being convicted of the same crime earlier this year. And King’s
mom Keyshawn Brown, who had enjoyed a lengthy friendship with her
son’s killers, will stand trial on identical charges next April,
Tulsa World reported
And King’s mom Keyshawn Brown, who had enjoyed a lengthy
friendship with her son’s killer, will stand trial on identical
charges next April, Tulsa World reported.
During Smith’s trial, her defense attorney tried to claim Jones
was behind the appalling catalog of abuse suffered by King. But
jurors agreed with prosection claims that the babysitter, who
began caring for King three weeks before his death, was behind
the violence. In her closing argument, prosecutor Andrea Brown
said: ‘Can you imagine watching that baby suffer for even a
minute and not do something about it?’
From: Len
Re: Cold Laptop
Dear Webby
I know you used to carry a laptop on the dogsled in the Yukon.
Do you know if today's laptops can handle the cold, for
example being locked in the truck while I am working?
Thanks
Len
Dear Len
Absolutely no problem. Just open it up and let it warm up
for a few minutes before turning it on, and it will be fine.
Any condensation it attracts while warming up, will be
baked out of it in the first half hour.
Computers can handle the cold a lot easier than heat,
and the most fragile part is the keyboard. Get yourself a
cheap but comfortable 16" - 17" keyboard and stick it into
your laptop case. The laptop will last longer, and so will
your hands and wrists.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards.
"What denomination?" Asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman.
"Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic.”
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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"Welcome to heaven, here's your harp and your tuning key."
"Welcome to hell, here's your harp."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Remedy for Too Much Perfume
If you still smell your perfume after a half hour, you
likely are wearing too much. Try this: spray it in
front of you and then walk through the spray. To
remove excess perfume, make a paste of water
and baking soda and rub it where you applied the
perfume, then rinse off.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
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Funny vintage inventions and gadgets.
|
___________________________________________________
John was tasked with bringing the Christmas decorations up
from the basement and start decorating the house and tree.
During one trek up the stairs, heavily laden with boxes, he
slipped and luckily only fell about two steps before landing
square on his behind.
His wife heard the noise and yelled, "What was that thump?"
"I just fell down the stairs," he explained.
She rushed into the room, "Anything broken?!"
"No, no, I'm fine."
There was just a slight pause before his loving wife said,
"No, I meant my decorations? Are any of them broken?"
___________________________________________________
"Now tell me, Miss Jones," said the senior partner to the
very junior employee, "what is the purpose of a vacation?"
"To impress upon the employees that the company can
get along without them," she responded promptly.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of
friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband
when she came home around 11:30.
One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed
in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the
bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.
"Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"
Today November 22 in
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland
for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire.
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was killed
during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. British soldiers
cornered him aboard his ship and killed him. He was shot and
stabbed more than 25 times.
1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated in
New Jersey.
1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin
adopted the SOS distress signal.
1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood
shafts in golf clubs.
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, CA,
when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for Manila.
The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail.
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began.
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister
Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek met in Cairo
to discuss the measures for defeating Japan.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a
motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also
seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was
inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President.
1967 The U.N. Security Council approved resolution 242. The
resolution called for Israel to withdraw from territories it had
captured in 1967 and called on adversaries to recognize Israel's
right to exist.
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American
travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8,
1963.
1974 The U.N. General Assembly gave the Palestine Liberation
Organization observer status.
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of
Gen. Francisco Franco.
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid $4
million for the broadcast rights.
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between New
York and Europe.
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S.
nuclear missiles in West Germany.
1984 Fred Rogers of PBS' "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" presented a
sweater to the Smithsonian Institution.
1985 Anne Henderson-Pollard was taken into custody a day after
her husband Jonathon Jay Pollard was arrested for spying for
Israel.
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. It
was the largest swearing-in ceremony.
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential area
in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians.
1986 Attorney General Meese's office discovered a memo in Colonel
Oliver North's office that included an amount of money to be sent
to the Contras from the profits of weapons sales to Iran.
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world
heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old.
1988 The South African government announced it had joined Cuba
and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban troops from
Angola.
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less
than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded next
to his motorcade in West Beirut.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara, and
other congressional leaders shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S.
troops in Saudi Arabia.
1990 British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher announced she would
resign.
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American
Free Trade Agreement.
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a
gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and the
gunman were killed in the gun battle.
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire in
response to retaliatory air strikes by NATO.
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving
lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient.
Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for second-
degree murder.
2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female
chancellor.
2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale.
2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The
dinosaur skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern
Utah.
2018 smiled.
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Is "FAST Again With Xtra-PC" a scam ? Wednesday, November 21, 2018, 12:06 PM
Posted by Administrator
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Gmail opening wrong category Tuesday, November 20, 2018, 10:06 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 20
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Elderly Florida woman takes meth
to her doctor for testing
______________________________________________________
Today, November 20 in
1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake Pigneur
pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island. The
freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours. The
Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the previous
freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake.
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
How can you govern a country which has
246 varieties of cheese?
--- Charles De Gaulle (1890 - 1970)
Talent hits a target no one else can hit;
Genius hits a target no one else can see.
--- Arthur Schopenhauer
______________________________________________________
The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she
was really worried about her mother. The friend inquired
as to the reason for her worrying.
She informed her friend that her mom was
always fatigued from staying up all night long.
Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night?
At her age, that's not good at all!"
The beauty replied, "Waiting for me to come home."
________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was
sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots
of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted
by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!"
a girl in the line sneered to the little fella.
Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.
His grandmother knelt down next to him.
"I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always
wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across
the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."
The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one
thing that's prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into
his grandma's face, and softly whispered,
"Wrinkles."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
After spending most of a day shopping with her grandson,
purchasing gift after gift, the final stop on her checklist was
to take the boy to see Santa in the mall's center court area.
At the end of their visit, Santa gave the tyke a small gift.
When he said nothing, grandma prodded him, "What do
you say to Santa?"
"Charge it," the boy replied, confidently.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes! 
Barbara Lee Ray, 73,
Miami,
Florida
Elderly Florida woman takes meth
to her doctor for testing
Barbara Lee Ray is being charged on two counts of possession of
methamphetamine together with two counts of possession of drug
paraphernalia after an encounter with her doctor.
The 73-year-old was in possession of meth and took it to her
doctor to get tested, according to police reports. She was
concerned about the effect the drug would have on her. She also
worried the drug would harm her, according to The Miami Herald.
Authorities were called to the hospital, and when they spoke to
her, she said she had been using the drug for a month, according
to police reports. She also showed police a "small clear plastic
baggie containing a white crystal-like substance," the report
says.
Ray also had an empty prescription bottle with her name written
on the prescription label. Contents that were inside the baggie
and the container tested positive for meth, the police report
says. Ray was sent to the hospital for treatment before being
taken into custody by police. She didn't overdose on the drug but
appeared to be under the influence of it, according to the police
report.
Ray would eventually be released from jail two days after her
doctor's visit. The Miami Herald reports it is unknown why Ray
was smoking meth or where she received the drugs.
Charles
Re: Gmail opening wrong category
Dear Webby
I am running W7 Google Chrome amd Gmail. A week or so ago I ran
Spybot and since then my GMail defaults to All Mail when I open
up. It used to default to Inbox on opening. How can I get
back to opening on Inbox.Â
You are the SuperfixerÂ
Charles
Dear Charles
Add or remove category tabs:
On your computer, open Gmail.
In the top right, click Settings Settings.
Click the Inbox tab.
In the "Inbox type" section, select Default. ...
In the "Categories" section, check the boxes of tabs you want to
show. ...
Scroll to the bottom, then click Save Changes.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Judi's car wasn't the most reliable in the world and she
called John whenever it broke down and she needed
a ride. One day John got such a call.
"What happened this time?" he asked.
"My brakes went out. Can you come and get me?"
"Sure. Where are you?"
"I'm in the drugstore?"
"Where's the car?"
"Over in the toothpaste isle."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her
the secret I told you not to tell her."
"Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell
you I told her."
"Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you
that she told me that you told her."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Refurbished Computers
Companies like Dell and Apple sell refurbished computers
and discontinued models with warranties at a 15% to 40%
discount over buying the computer new. They come with
a much longer warranty than you will get from an online
auction, if you get any at all.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Slumping pumpkins!
|
___________________________________________________
A parent decreed one Christmas that she was no longer going
to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a
result their grandmother never received acknowledgments
of the generous checks she had given.
The next year things were different, however.
"The children came over in person to thank me," the
grandparent told a friend triumphantly.
"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think
caused the change in behavior?"
"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied.
"This year I didn't sign the checks."
___________________________________________________
>from Linda
Overheard on an elevator: Today, my girlfriend asked me if I
could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess
"bacon" was the wrong answer.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near
the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD"
printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters
could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus
Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash
decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the
same situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm pretty
sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these $3 caps."
Today November 20 in
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent of
Spain.
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and Pest
were united to form the capital of Hungary.
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out in
Mexico.
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on
Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes
tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany.
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten,
Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey.
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark and
Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed its
missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its blockade
of the island.
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in
Washington, DC, went past 200 million.
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential use
of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the
substance.
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader
to address Israel's parliament.
1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake Pigneur
pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island. The
freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours. The
Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the previous
freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake.
1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial
ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak of
nuclear war.
1986 The one billionth Little Golden Book was printed. The title
was The Poky Little Puppy.
1987 Police investigating the fire at King's Cross, London's
busiest subway station, said that arson was unlikely to be the
cause of the event that took 31 lives.
1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the
Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council.
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague,
Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms.
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into the
country of Kuwait.
1990 The space shuttle Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, FL,
after completing a secret military mission.
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor
Castle in England.
1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation
implementing NAFTA.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in Zambia
to end 19 years of war.
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles
in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television.
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden safe
haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating two U.S.
embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist attacks on New
York City and the Pentagon.
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of
health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry also
agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes.
2018 smiled.
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