Good Morning, ! It's Sunday, January 4, 2009
"I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet." --- Ancient Persian Saying
Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, you'd gone fishing."
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Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh replied: "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to St Paul's Way Schoo, Tower Hamlets, England PE teacher sacked for wearing trainers A PE teacher has been sacked for wearing a tracksuit and trainers. Adrian Swain, 56, was dismissed a week before Christmas because he refused to follow a ban on trainers. The school's local education authority has backed the sacking - claiming teachers should not wear clothing children are not allowed to wear. Now fellow teachers at the comprehensive where Mr Swain has taught for 17 years are threatening to strike if he is not reinstated. Mr Swain said of his dismissal for wearing the clothes he teaches in: "I am stunned that in this day and age you can be sacked for wearing the wrong type of shoes. "I haven't a blot on my character and have suddenly been sacked for something I have always worn." The school dress code was imposed by an acting head teacher, Lorraine Page, at the state comprehensive, who has since left. Mr Swain added:"'Pupils learn best in an atmosphere where they feel comfortable and not in a corporate, office-like setting, so I really don't like the way that education is going." Mr Swain said he had worn tracksuit bottoms and trainers to school throughout his 30-year teaching career without any complaints. Mr Swain said he has a final appeal against his dismissal next term. A spokeswoman for Tower Hamlets Council confirmed that a teacher at St Paul's Way School was dismissed last week for "continually failing to comply with a reasonable management instruction". Boneheads!
A Japanese book publisher created an English edition of their book about sports rules, never running the translation by a native English speaker. After selling about 700,000 copies and getting about that many complaints, they came to understand that the book title ''Love Sports'' was somewhat misleading. The book has now been renamed to ''We Love Sports.''
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: CD / DVD drive cleaners Dear Webby, I took your advice and got the Canon SD 880 Elph camera and I love it. The problem that I have is, I want to print them on 4X6 photo paper and it will only give me a vertical slice of the picture. My printer is Canon 310. I need a program that will let me flip the picture and compress it down to that size. Please tell me what I need to do in idiot language since I'm such a novice at this. Computer is Windows XP. Thank you, Bev Dear Bev Personally, I am a fan of PSP (Paint Shop Pro) since about 1992. However, any graphics program will do for simple turning and re-sizing. If you can afford it, get PSP. Otherwise just look for any free graphics program for now, and put PSP on the Easter Bunny list. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Lizzie," asked Jill thoughtfully one day, "what would you do if you caught another woman in bed with your husband?" "With Phil?" Lizzie thought it over. "Let's see....... I'd break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from."
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Christmas Items Now is a great time to buy Christmas decorations, wrapping paper and cards at clearance prices. Only buy items you know you will use and put them in a clearly marked box. Candy and chocolate are also on sale. If you use it for baking, you can freeze it to use year round. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After a heart-transplant operation, the patient was receiving instructions from his doctor. He was placed on a strict diet, denied alcohol and advised to get at least four hours' sleep a night. Finally, the patient asked: "What about my sex life, Doc? Will it be all right for me to have intercourse?" "Just with your wife," responded the doctor. We don't want you to get too excited for a while."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: AllWorldWonders.htmlARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and also that which it fears. --- James Allen
Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? Three times a week for two years ? I may be crazy but I am not stupid. A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! And just how, if I may ask?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
You're getting old when... The mail lady gets you so excited that your pacemaker opens the garage door across the street.
Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"
Thanks to Joan for forwarding this picture:This delightful circle was taken at Lamington national park, west of the Gold Coast. These are native Australian mountain parrots, the red and blue kind are crimson rosella and the red and green are King Parrots. They are feasting on sunflower seed which Mr. Watt had left for them, but did not expect them to form such a perfect ring. This guy on the bottom is about to jump into the centre, to the discontent of the other birds.
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After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!"
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: CD / DVD drive cleaners Hey Mr. Webby; Well I do not know if I am the first one to ask you a question about "DVD/CD Burners" or anything computer related for this new year..... So here we go..... Is there away that I can test/clean such a drive without buying one of those crazy discs that they sell at the store? Eddie Hi Eddie Since those cleaning disks are cheaper than a replacement drive, they are probably worth the gamble. However, I have never used one of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
The boss went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!" "Oh no, sir, I sure haven't" replied the bartender. The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Longer Life for Your Carpet - Snip Loose Threads To remove a loose thread that sticks up above the fiber, use scissors to snip it instead of pulling on it which can pull out more than just the thread. Loose threads are easy to catch in the vacuum, creating an even bigger problem. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Robert, age eight, was the son of strict Presbyterian parents. He was very, very good, worked hard at school, did his chores, and was generally helpful and obedient. But one morning, for some reason, he came down to breakfast in a very nasty mood. When his mother served him prunes, he snarled, "I don't want prunes," and he refused to eat them. His parents were aghast, and his father said, "Robert, you know that Lord commanded children to honor and obey their parents, and He will punish those who do not." But Robert still refused and was angrily sent back to bed, and the prunes were put in the refrigerator. A few minutes later, a terrible thunderstorm came up with great roars of thunder and flashes of lightning. "Ah, wonderful," said Robert's mother, "this will teach him a lesson." To their great surprise though, Robert came to the top of the stairs and called down: "Sounds like God doesn't want you to make such a fuss about some silly prunes!"Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Rose ParadeARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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The environment you fashion out of your thoughts, your beliefs, your ideals, your philosophy is the only climate you will ever live in." --- Dr. Stephen Covey
A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend,"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from making me go visit aunt Helen with them."
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the man left his hat on the bench, but didn't miss it until they were back on the freeway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The woman fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, that they would be late getting to their destination, etc. She called her husband every bad name she could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the man got out of the car to retrieve his hat, the woman yelled to him, "While you're in there, you might as well get my purse, too."
Morris and an Italian and an Irishman, all first time fathers, are pacing nervously in a maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding up a newborn black baby. "Yours?" she asked the Italian man, who immediately curses her out in Italian and says "No! notta my kid!" "Yours?" The nurse asks the Irishman, who answers "It blodie will betta not be!" "OK, then it must be yours", she informs Morris, who sheepishly looks at the ground and mumbles "It must be, my wife burns everything!
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A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, nothing was wrong, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Free Screensaver Hi Webby, Can you recommend a site where I can get free animated screen savers without having other JUNK downloaded at the same time. Thank you, Bob Dear Bob There are a whole bunch of free ones that come right with Windows. The best one of them is he slide show. Simply move your famous collection of 27,000 saved XYZ pix, ahem, I mean pictures of churches, into one folder, and then set the slide show to step through that collection of churches. Have FUN! DearWebby
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Birthdays on Your New Calendar When putting up your new calendar for the new year, take a moment and fill in all the birthdays that you need to remember throughout the year. It's also good to note any anniversaries or other important dates. One good method is to flip through your old calendar and transfer any dates which apply to the new year. Nowadays I highly recommend http://www.mymemorizer.com/ You can set events to trigger reminder emails to you a month, week, day, plus even hours in advance. And it is free! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I was just visiting some friends who have a farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend's wife came out to feed them. The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I just stood there thinking to myself, "I hope I never get THAT hungry."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cutter's CarvingsARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 2.9 / 33 )
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. --- Lynda Barry
This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch." She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?" So I said, "Of course, you can stay out there," and shut the door."
A father was examining his son's report card. "One thing is definitely in your favor," he announced. "With results like that, you couldn't possibly be cheating."
The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he slowly pronounced as he wrote on his form.
Thanks to my dad for this picture:This one bloomed today!
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Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's a stud on a snow tire, somewhere in Montana."
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Installing Linux onto Windows 95 computer Happy New Year to you and your family: Your newsletter along with cream and sugar add to my morning coffee daily. Always enjoyable. I need your expertise today. My daughter gave me an older lap-top complete with Windows 95. I would like to install Linux. Do I need to erase Windows first,,,,,,,,,,,if so how would the system read the CD? Thank you in advance. Shirley Dear Shirley Just set the CD as the primary boot drive, boot up with the Linux CD in it, and it will give you a choice of running Windows and Linux side by side, or just Linux. Then it will guide you through the installation type that you have chosen. Have FUN! DearWebby
The fireman had rushed into a burning building and rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. He carried her in his arms down three flights of stairs and four blocks all the way to his car behind the fire hall. As they arrived there, she looked at him with great admiration and said, "Oh, you are wonderful. It must have taken great strength and courage to rescue me the way you did." "Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to fight off three other firemen who were trying to get to you before me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flour Tortilla Noodles Cut flour tortillas into strips with your pizza cutter. Use them instead of noodles when you make "Chicken and Noodles" Nobody will ever guess that they aren't "Homemade Noodles" Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One secretary kept track of her passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed one password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. "Because," she explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Panny Adams PhotographyARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. --- Jimmy Buffett
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously, the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Usually right after it breaks."
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby...!"
Children's Unions went on strike today in Oklahoma, refusing to play with their new toys, demanding compensation for snow days occurring during the Christmas school break. Spokesman Butch Evans, an Oklahoma City 7th grader, said, "This, like, bites, you know. Like, we're already out of school, like, and now, you know, this storm could have, like, waited until we, you know, got back to school, so, like, we could get a snow day. This is like, you know, totally not cool." In a related item, the union also demanded that "time off" should also be granted to any union member who caught a cold during scheduled school breaks. Parents groups were expected to tell the kids to quit their whining, go fetch a beer from the fridge, and then clean their rooms, or "they'll be given something real to strike about!"
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A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the platinum and diamond ring she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a fancy wedding ring like that is to never take it off and to soak it in dishwater three times a day."
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: --No Questions today-- Since there were no questions or requests today, I am going to take this space to thank you for 2008, and wisdh you all the Best for 2009. Have FUN! DearWebby
A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. "Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy and sticky mess they extract from smashed nuts of some kind?" When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and toast with peanut butter...."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquor Store Boxes Ask your local liquor store for boxes. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A lady called United Airlines and asked for a reservation from Los Angeles to New York. The clerk knew that the plane was very full with baggage and passengers. "How much do you weigh, Ma'am?" asked the clerk. "With or without clothes?" the passenger asked. "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World ClockARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 2.7 / 105 )
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. --- Quentin Crisp Of those who say nothing, few are silent. --- Thomas Neill
An airport ticketing agent was working at the counter and began asking a passenger the required security questions. "Have you received any objects from an unknown person to carry aboard the airplane today?" "No," said the woman. "Did you pack your own suitcase?" she inquired, pointing to the traveler's rolling carry-on bag. "Yes," she answered. "Has your bag been under your control since you've been in the airport?" "Well, no, not exactly," the passenger said with a sigh. "The silly thing keeps either trying to go every which way, or else it's trying to trip me. I feel like I am under IT's control."
Ophelia, a member of the Humor Letter subscriber family, and self confessed redneck, desperately needs your votes between now and year end. With your help she can make it onto the top page and show in the archive for 2008. Her voting URL is at Vote for Ophelia Please help her out!
In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." hand written underneath: "Socks can eat any place they want."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:Fat Iguana (vegetarian dragon)
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Before Linda got married, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Difference between infection and virus Dear Webby Love all the computer information you give out. Is there a difference bewtween an infection and a virus on the computer. You have all the answers so thought I would ask you. Thank you again as you have helped me in the past. Have a great day. Shirley Dear Shirley An infection can be a virus, worm, trojan, spyware, ransom-ware, or malware. 1) Virus: tries to infect further computers 2) Worm: similar to virus, but does not try to infect further computers 3) Trojan: similar to worm, but is part of a program that you AGREED to run 4) Spyware: Just spies on you and reports, does not try to spread 5) Ransom-Ware: Demands payment 6) Malware: Does bad stuff like messing up your registry and/or weakening your security Some infections can have more than just one of those aspects. Have FUN! DearWebby
The 75-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be many hundreds!" "And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the medic said. "Naw," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Lamborghini!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Gifts For Next Year Any item such as gift sets or baking equipment can be gifted the following year or during the year as birthday presents. Just remember that just because it doesn't cost much doesn't mean it's a good deal. Some of the things leftover are leftover because they weren't salable at regular price so pick carefully. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, practising my bagpipes."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Memories of the SeaARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 3 / 77 )
We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. --- Thomas Hardy
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three." "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" "A jack," says the kid.
Ophelia, a member of the Humor Letter subscriber family, and self confessed redneck, desperately needs your votes between now and year end. With your help she can make it onto the top page and show in the archive for 2008. Her voting URL is at Vote for Ophelia Please help her out!
In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"
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After being laid off, Judie papered the town with her resume. Days passed, and she hadn't received a single phone call. She decided to take a closer look at the copies her husband had printed at his real estate office. Judie quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the machine. At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while deemed to be reasonably accurate, can not be guaranteed."
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Temperature in status line Webby, I would like to know of a safe, free download that shows the temperature next to the time on my taskbar. Do you know of one? Thank you for your time and your help. You are the only one I trust. Carolyn Dear Carolyn The only safe one I know is the outside thermometer from the Dollar store, that you stick onto a real glass window or window sill. You don't even have to turn the computer on for those. Actually, the $2.95 digital thermometers from the Radio Shack are safe too. They have a six foot long wire that sticks outside through a little hole that you drill through the wall or window frame. They have a digital display, but you have to change the AA battery once a year. I have one of those on the West side. I bought it about 20 years ago. They might be a bit more expensive now. Have FUN! DearWebby
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, I REALLY don't want to be president by the time I am your age !!!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Returning Items If you plan on returning items that you received as a gift but don't have a receipt you will want to do it within a week or so of Christmas. Most stores are much more relaxed about returns immediately after Christmas. If you don't have a receipt, they may only extend in store credit rather than cash. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk".Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: NASA Pix of EarthARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible
Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. But only the janitor was there. One said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now, go out and play." When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Catholic, because they pour the water on you. We're not Baptist because they dunk all of you in it. We're not Methodist because they just sprinkle you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?" "Yes. Why, what do you think that means?" "That means we're 'piscopalians."
Ophelia, a member of the Humor Letter subscriber family, and self confessed redneck, desperately needs your votes between now and year end. With your help she can make it onto the top page and show in the archive for 2008. Her voting URL is at Vote for Ophelia Please help her out!
The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again..?"
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Earl Re: Emachines loaded with XP Howdy Webby, Great humor letter, I have noticed E-Machines loaded with XP at Wal Mart Stores in California. Earl Dear Earl That is good news indeed! While the early eMachines were cheap junk, they have drastically improved in the last 4 years, and nowadays are generally considered better than HP/Compaq. The only problem I can see, is that there is no business entrance and no way to get standard 4:3 ratio monitors with it, only the wide screens. Personally, I am not going to lower my standards to those, to save a few bucks. However, if you still have usable standard monitors, then those XP eMachines are a great deal. Have FUN! DearWebby
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into a burning fire pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss the soul to one side in a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why are you tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are from Seattle ... they're too wet to burn!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ham Leftovers Here are some ways to make use of your ham leftovers: ham and cheese omelets, ham and cheese sandwiches, split pea soup, ham and bean soup, ham and eggs, pot pies or quiche. My favorite is thick split pea soup Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A friend asked a gentleman why he never married. Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Winter picturesARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 3.1 / 52 )
A liberal is a person, whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player
At the supermarket parking lot I saw a lady who seemed rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for organic vegetables for my mother-in-law, but I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were. "He didn't know what I was talking about so I said, 'These vegetables are for my mother-in-law. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?' "And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself !'"
Ophelia, a member of the Humor Letter subscriber family, and self confessed redneck, desperately needs your votes between now and year end. With your help she can make it onto the top page and show in the archive for 2008. Her voting URL is at Vote for Ophelia Please help her out!
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' " "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."New! YouTube Downloader And Converter Software. Grab YouTube and other videos and convert them to wmv and many other formats for smooth off-line viewing and even using them on your iPod, iPhone, or your own web site. Click here to grab it
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A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither, her father is bald."
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Irvin Re: Is Vista fixed now? Dear Webby, Some friends claim that Vista has been fixed and is OK to use now. Is that just hype, or is there some truth to that? Thanks Irwin Dear Irwin Just hype. Those friends, if they lose their drivers license and have to park their car, would probably tell you that walking and taking the bus is good for you, and not so bad once you get used to it. The day they get their drivers license back, they will be driving again, and if they could get an XP machine, they would instantly switch and forget all their hype. Because of the demand, XP machines are more expensive, but they ARE still available at the business entrance of most computer vendors, with XP installed, and Vista on a beer coaster, like the CDs that AOL used to send around. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Jimmie said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCheck out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Susan died
Susan Sanders-Kinzel, the founder and chief executive of
Thrifty-Fun passed away Dec 21.
She was a great friend and inspiration to all who knew her.
We will miss her
DearWebby
Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?" Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fun FotosARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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"God gave us memory that we might have roses in December." - James Matthew Barrie "You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." - Tom Wilson
In a Phoenix airport boarding area they announced that the flight was overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced: "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
Ophelia, a member of the Humor Letter subscriber family, and self confessed redneck, desperately needs your votes between now and year end. With your help she can make it onto the top page and show in the archive for 2008. Her voting URL is at Vote for Ophelia Please help her out!
It was the day after Christmas. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus. So he walked up the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take Him?" The little boy said, "About a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told Him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give Him a ride around the block in it...."
The four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.New! YouTube Downloader And Converter Software. Grab YouTube and other videos and convert them to wmv and many other formats for smooth off-line viewing and even using them on your iPod, iPhone, or your own web site. Click here to grab it
Snow Plow Bait, have not done that for a few years. The roads around here are not steep enough.
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The Vauxhall Astra was so full of junk, magazines, old clothes and even bits of furniture, that they could barely see the driver at it roared down a motorway near Dusseldorf. The driver - who has not been named by police - has been banned from taking the car on the road again until it has passed a tidiness test. Police said the car was so full of junk the woman's face was pressed up against the windscreen as she drove.
At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: ISASS.exe/application error Dear Webby, my daughter wrote me that her ie has a brownish yellow color around the top left of the e, and when you click on it and nothing happens, google loaed then off then back to reg screen then screen went blank... error says ISASS.exe/application error memory could not be written. What causes that? Dear Sandie Isass can be a Windows file that works fine, unless it is overwritten by a trojan or virus. lsass.exe is a process which is registered as a trojan. This Trojan allows attackers to access your computer from remote locations, stealing passwords, Internet banking and personal data. This process is a security risk and should be removed from your system. lsass.exe is registered as a downloader. This process usually comes bundled with a virus or spyware and its main role is to do nothing other than download other viruses/spyware to your computer. This process is a security risk and should be removed from your system. Tell her to run mcAfee or Superantispyware. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 10 year old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Perfume or Cologne and Clothing Put perfume or cologne on your skin instead of your clothing. The perfume may stain or damage some types of fabric. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The budding young Yuppette had been dating a successful stockbroker for several months. Just before Christmas she asked her Mother, "Whatever can you give a man who has everything for Christmas?" Her Mother smiled knowingly and replied, "Encouragement dear, encouragement."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Denver Zoo VideosARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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