Bot not crypted 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby Good taste is the worst vice ever invented. --- Edith Sitwell
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"
Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. "Help me, I've been mugged and beaten", he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to his colleague: "You know the person that did this *really* needs help. We'll have to do a study in fall, when it's not so hot, and file a report."
At Sunday school, the teacher asked , "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," replied. "They go out into the bushes in the back of the church yard."
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"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Flounder: 190 KG (418 lb) Caught by a 10 year old kid in 2 hours
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Justine Locker in Chessington, England Mermaid too good looking Aquarium bosses have put a bikini on an underwater statue of a mermaid - because her boobs were attracting more attention than the fish. Staff at Sea Life Chessington said they noticed many young male visitors to their underwater tunnel were not giving the marine life their full attention. So in a bid to save the mermaid's modesty and get visitors concentrating on the fish again, a diver was dispatched to cover the statue's breasts with a bikini. Manager Justine Locker said: "It's a bit of a mistake on our part. We hadn't noticed quite how buxom Sally was until we clocked young boys, and not so young boys, spending a lot of time ogling her in the walkthrough ocean tunnel. They didn't have the class to use sea shells to hide the fact that the ancient mermaid looked so much better than the manager, they used some bright, gaudy cloth to really make everybody stop and stare.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Bot not crypted Dear Webby Thoroughly enjoy the daily http://webby.com/humor – thanks for producing and sharing it. Recently (in the past two weeks) when I reboot my desktop PC (Windows XP Home) I get a message: ‘BOT NOT CRYPTED.’ Nothing else on the alert. I ran a full CA scan that didn’t address the problem. Found a couple of recent references on the net (all within a day or two) so my machine isn’t alone with this problem. Also, which internet security do you suggest? CA did an ‘upgrade’ several weeks ago and installed all sorts of junk I don’t want that appear to be slowing my already slow computer. I won’t use Norton – had a bad experience with them a few years ago when a virus slipped through and their tech support had no idea how to get rid of it and still charged me $99 for their efforts. Any ideas/insights? THANKS! Be safe, Pat Dear Pat I use McAfee. Norton or CA are not good enough for me. Not good enough for you either, as you found out the hard way. I don't know if McAfee shielded me from that "bot not crypted" stuff, or whether I simply did not go as far onto the wild side as you did. Trying to get information like that from McAfee is virtually impossible. Their Taliban are quite good and helpful when a registered user has a problem, but they won't give me any information about whether they can help you. The only useful information I could find was at http://www.ukbusinessforums.co.uk/forum ... p?t=165067 You can also try http://www.superantispyware.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby
Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave. Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Re-Run of yesterday's Preventing Fruit Flies The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a day or two. Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until the problem clears up. Source: My future son-in-law. By Mkymlp from PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A group of British tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Austria. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?" "Of course, dearest, no problem," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

» Paper Weapons





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Unidentified publisher 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 9, 2010

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. --- Naguib, Mahfouz One ship sails east, another west, By the self same winds that blow. It isn't the gales, it's the set of the sails, That determines the way we go. --- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a blistering and almost barren stretch of West Texas, when a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the Easterner what the bird was, the rancher replied, "That's a bird of paradise." The stranger from the East rode on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it??" ...and the fight was on....
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." "My William used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth." "Serves him right for hiding YOUR teeth so that you couldn't go to the mall."
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e".
Great deal for you!
Break into blogs
Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?

There are 3 easy ways to get there:
1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or
2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or
3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.

As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,
well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular
blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.
Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,
and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.

Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes
lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework
for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your
hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and
give yourself a chance!

Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.

Thanks to Chuck for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Hiho Webby-O! I just returned from a wonderful vacation in the 1000 Islands. One picture I took of a sunset I said I was taking just for you! Here it is attached. Maybe you'd like to use it. I took many more and some were better focused and some had fantastic colors, but I picked this one for ya. I love the newsletter. Hope to run into you some day. Chuck
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, in Augusta, GA Facebook sex talks lead to woman's arrest An Augusta woman was arrested Sunday for allegedly having sexual conversations under multiple aliases with teenagers on Facebook and MySpace, the Augusta Chronicle reports. An argument between the suspect, Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, and her husband, Tony Hamm, brought Richmond County deputies to their home in the 3500 block of Tullocks Hill Drive, according to a Richmond County sheriff's report. Hamm said he found text messages and the social networking accounts that he said his wife was using to talk with young girls. The husband of Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, said he discovered the encounters with the teenagers after finding several text messages and multiple social networking accounts Hamm was using to speak with female teenagers, the paper stated. Hamm told officials her social networking began as an attempt to get her husband’s daughter to open up to her. Charges are pending in the investigation, the paper stated.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Swamprat Re: unidendtified publisher Dear Webby unidendtified publisher OOo_3.2.1_Win_x86_install_en-US.exe When selected to run or not, user acct. control says: "unidendtified publisher". Could you tell me, vhat iss da deel pls. ?? If this is windows, why "unknown" ? Is it SAFE ? Swamprat Dear Swamprat Sounds like Microsoft is in a snit about you installing Open Office. Don't worry, they will get over it. Millions of people and companies use Open Office and won't go back to Microsoft Office ever again. Have FUN! DearWebby
One Sunday during the morning church service our pastor was preaching away and his sermon came to a high point and he asked the question: "What is your problem?" Just as he asked the question a little boy was in the isle, he had started toward the bathroom. Thinking that the preacher was talking to him, the little guy just stopped, looked up at him, and said, "I gotta pee." To say the least the laughter took over and the sermon was never the same after that!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Fruit Flies The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a day or two. Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until the problem clears up. Source: My future son-in-law. By Mkymlp from PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Trina is very attentive when she goes out on a date. Lately, at a movie she was overheard to say: Trina: "Can you see, dear ? Date: "Yes" Trina: "Is your seat comfortable ?" Date: "Yes" Trina: "Is there a draft on you ?" Date: "No" Trina: "Good ! Let's change seats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Petra had forgotten to get her estrogen patch prescription refilled, and soon the symptoms of menopause--hot flashes, forgetfulness, irritability, short temper, bossiness, aches and pains, etc., etc. returned. Eventually she wound up at the drugstore and was telling the pharmacist all about her problems. After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people asked you to get this refilled?"

» Common Cents





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Windows 7 to XP conversion 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 8, 2010

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. --- John Updike What music is more enchanting than the voices of young people, when you can't hear what they say? --- Logan Pearsall Smith A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." --- G. C. Lichtenberg
Jimmmie came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and bruised. His father asked him what happened and Jimmie said, "Well, dad, it's like this. I challenged Larry to a duel and you know how that goes . . . I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair." "I know . . . but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school teacher. "He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher. "He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny. "Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Little Johnny replied, "One half brother and two half sisters."
Great deal for you!
Break into blogs
Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?

There are 3 easy ways to get there:
1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or
2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or
3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.

As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,
well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular
blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.
Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,
and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.

Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes
lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework
for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your
hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and
give yourself a chance!

Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.

Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Hi, DearWebby. This is the only lily in bloom in our garden just now, but what a beauty! Guinn
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Jeanne Jones, 22 of Cinnaminson, NJ Walmart robber dropped her purse Jones, 22, of Palmyra, told police that the "devil got into her" when she fled a Cinnaminson Walmart on Monday, after walking out with $266.19 worth of shoplifted goods and a gift card for exchanged items she had never bought. Jeanne Jones, Cinnaminson, NJ The devil really got into Jones when she assaulted a female loss-prevention officer who witnessed the incident on the store's security cameras and tried to stop her as she left, police said. As Jones took off in her car, however, the downfall to her devilish scheme was sitting in the parking lot. Police said that she dropped her pocketbook while roughing it up with Walmart security. In it was her driver's license. Shortly after fleeing, police said, Jones began calling the Walmart, making vague inquiries into the lost pocketbook. "First she was saying something happened to her sister at the store; then she admitted it was her but apologized," Covert said. "She said the devil got into her." Police eventually spoke with Jones over the phone and said that she was very matter- of-fact about her predicament and agreed to surrender. "She said, 'What am I going to be charged with and what's my bail going to be?' " Covert said. She was charged with robbery, theft and shoplifting, and her bail was set at $5,000. Covert said Jones had taken her filled shopping cart to customer service instead of the checkout line and returned items she hadn't paid for yet. The store gave her a gift card, and she walked out with the cart. "We're not talking rocket science here," he said. Last month, a man who used counterfeit bills to post bail in Cinnaminson was re-arrested when he returned to the police station asking for a refund.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Windows 7 to XP Dear Webby The windows support says I should go to XP rather than Vista. Can I delete Windows 7? I have another operating disc for an older version of XP. Should I install that? I am using Firefox instead of IE. Thanks again for your help hank Dear Hank XP is what you are used to, and that would give you the speed that you are used to, so that would be the operating system of choice. Check with the manufacturer and get the XP drivers (if necessary) for that machine. They may play stupid, but since you normally CAN get a machine with W7-Ultimate or W7-PRO, which includes the option to have XP pre-installed, they DO have the drivers. When you run the XP SetUp CD, it automatically formats the drive and wipes out W7, plus everything else you have on the machine. So back up anything that you want to keep onto the net or onto CD/DVD. It makes no difference, how old your XP disk is. The first automatic update will bring it up to date. Have FUN! DearWebby
A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact,I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Old Cookware Lids If you are re-doing your cookware, save the lids if they are in good shape. If not, take a good, long look at those pot handles and lid knobs. A lot of these items are in standard form and interchangeable. I find it so annoying when I buy a set of cookware and the lids need to be exchanged between pots and skillets (as in I am either using the 6 qt pot or using the 12 inch skillet, but I can't cover both at the same time). This holds true for the expensive as well as the inexpensive sets. By Cookwie from Richardson, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to talk to him. The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is that it is a cesarean." Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a healthy baby, but I vas kinda hoping it vould be Svedish!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but after what you said at the last Parent-Teacher meeting, just asking for a loan doesn't mean you will get it."

» Wild Flowers





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Search within a page 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 7, 2010

Life is too short for traffic. --- Dan Bellack Life is too important to take seriously. --- Corky Siegel When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty.' --- Theodore Roosevelt
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus." "We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin." "You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated and moved out of the house."
A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Twenty," said Buffy. So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 12 rolls left over. "Buffy," she said. "I bought twenty rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!" "Amazing!" said Buffy. "So did I."
Great deal for you!
Break into blogs
Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?

There are 3 easy ways to get there:
1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or
2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or
3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.

As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,
well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular
blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.
Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,
and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.

Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes
lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework
for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your
hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and
give yourself a chance!

Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.

Click on the picture for the Large Version Iguazu Falls
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Julie Bailey, 38,in LaCrosse, WI Pregnant and drunk robber arrested A drunken, pregnant La Crosse woman is accused of trying to rob a South Side fast-food restaurant for drug money late Tuesday but failing when her weapon became jammed in her shorts. A Taco John's cashier told investigators a heavy-set woman wearing an oversized floral shirt and shorts approached the counter at 1211 Jackson St. about 10:40 p.m. and demanded cash, according to La Crosse police reports. "I want a soft shell, and this is a stickup. Give me all your money," the suspect reportedly told the cashier. The woman tried pulling a hammer from her shorts pocket but could not remove the weapon after tugging on the handle, reports stated. The cashier pressed the restaurant's panic button and called 911. The suspect fled without any money, police said. Julie Bailey, 38, of 934 Jackson St., was arrested a few minutes later with a wooden hammer in her hand after a short foot pursuit. She is facing charges of attempted armed robbery and obstructing officers. According to the La Crosse Tribune, after her roommate threatened to evict her if she didn't come up with money she owed for crack cocaine, and trying to sell an engagement ring back to K-Mart didn't work, Bailey opted for the Taco John's robbery. While in jail, of course all her maternity expenses will be taken care of.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alexa Re: Search within a page Dear Webby Due to lack of patience, I use FireFox. Is there an easy way to search for a word or phrase within a page? Thanks Alexa Dear Alexa Yes, just hit CTRL F and start typing the word or phrase. It will appear down near the status line. The search is double incremental. If it findsthat there is only one word that has the 3 letters, that you just typed, it will ding and show you the part of the page, where that word is, and highlight it. If there are no occasions of that combination of letters, it ill ding and stop you after as little as 3 letters. If there are lots of occasions of a search word, it will it will highlight the first one. CTRL N will show you the Next one. Have FUN! DearWebby
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed Little Johnny in the chair. "I'm going to buy a tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When Little Johnny's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said Little Johnny. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, kid, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trivia At Dinnertime We all have unused games laying around. Some have educational information cards, like Trivia. Take the cards and put a few on the table, next to salt and pepper. Interact at dinner by asking questions, the answers are on the back. You would be surprised how much kids know and how much kids love doing this. When you know all the answers, change them out; pick up more games at yard sales. It's educational and the family does something together, a win-win situation. Source: Restaurant at OBX By Ruayne from Climax, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity. The power company sells it to consumers who use TV sets to transform it into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a 'circuit.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
QUESTION: How many church people does it take to change a lightbulb? Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air. Roman Catholics: None. They use candles. Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the light bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off. Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much better they liked the old bulb. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him when and how to do it. Unitarians: They chose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the light bulb. However, if you have found in your own journey that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb,and two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and also a casserole. Jews: Twenty five. Twelve to make the light bulb maker feel guilty, twelve to make the electrician feel guilty, and a rabbi, of course. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. Methodists: A whole congregation. One to change the light bulb, and the rest of the congregation to be sure that he doesn't backslide.

» Northern Lights





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Long periods of standby or Hibernation 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 6, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things. --- Jilly Cooper Choice, not chance, determines destiny." --- Socratex
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to complaining patients from morning 'til night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and un- bothered when it's over?" The older analyst replied:"Sorry, I can't hear a thing. The battery in my hearing aid went dead a many years ago."
A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a college advertising and marketing class. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" "United." Joe answered. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" John answered, "Mom."
I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous
14,000 home wood working plans
Click Here!
If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be
a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!
Off the cost of the book, not off the handyman! If you rather pay full price, then procrastinate NOW! This ad will be gone tomorrow.

Click on the picture for the Large Version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Natalie M. Tice in Milville, New Jersey woman vows to kill cops, throw feces and have abortion following robbery arrest in Vineland VINELAND — A Millville woman was charged with robbing a New Jersey Transit bus driver and kicking out a police cruiser’s window Sunday afternoon. Natalie M. Tice, 21, of Millville’s Oakview Apartments, punched the 63-year-old bus driver in the head and took $48 from him. The robbery occurred at the Vineland Transportation Center, located at 106 W. Landis Ave. It was reported at 4:26 p.m. The bus driver told police he attempted to prevent Tice from boarding the bus, as she had earlier caused a disturbance while riding on his bus. Tice ignored his request and boarded the bus, then allegedly turned around and punched him, causing a cut to the left side of his head. After Tice was placed under arrest for the robbery, she was put in the rear of a police cruiser as police continued their investigation. Police pepper-sprayed Tice after she ignored an order to stop kicking the cruiser’s rear, passenger-side window. The pepper-spray reportedly had little impact in calming Tice, who kicked out the window a few moments later. Police estimated the damage to the cruiser at $600. Tice allegedly made several threats to kill the police officers involved in the investigation, both during her arrest and while being processed at police headquarters. She also screamed that she was going to defecate in an interview room and hurl feces at the officers, and also indicated she was going to have an abortion so she could claim she had a miscarriage due to the way she was handled following her arrest, according to police. The police report did not indicate if Tice was pregnant. Police recovered $50 from Tice, who was taken to South Jersey Healthcare-Regional Medical Center for evaluation. Tice was charged with robbery and criminal mischief, with bail set at $100,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Guinn Re: Long periods of standby or hibernate Hi, Webby. you say to leave the computer on if it is just for a few hours. While I have a fairly fast computer, it takes some time to come on line after it has been shut down so is it all right to leave it in Standby or Hibernate for longer periods? Guinn Dear Guinn Hibernate is quite OK, but avoid Standby. However, even in Hibernation, it can't defragment or virus-scan. Remember to allocate time for that, just like you allocate some time for an occasional shower. Have FUN! DearWebby
Tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Tell a woman something, it goes past both of her ears. Whisper something near a woman, it goes in in both her ears and comes out of the mouth of every woman in town.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com re-run from yesterday Desert Gardening Tips I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors look droopy. Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad. Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, and some types of roses which bloom almost all year here with very little care and not much water. So we are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune. By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two voices, male and female, on an overnight "red eye" plane flight: "I think everyone's asleep, let's go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty. No one is looking. You go in first" "It's a bit cramped, let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume! You think of everything." "This is great..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing, and it is expressly forbidden by the Government that YOU elected. Now, put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector...!" ------------ Actually, the easily visible smoke detector is just a decoy and doesn't work. There is usually another one up in the light fixture. If you are on a long flight and need a smoke, do it like the flight crew: Crouch or kneel in front of the toilet. You will hear wind noise from air escaping down the toilet. That air goes straight outside, and does not go past any smoke detectors or past the noses of anybody who might object to your smoking. The flight crew prefers that you do that, rather than get grouchy at them.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
When the car engine developed a slight knock, Joe asked his wife if she had bought high octane or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the roughness of the engine." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always," Nancy replied. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."

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More Charter.net email problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 5, 2010

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -- Jim Horning I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -- Samuel Goldwyn These days come and go, but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint. "I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one. "CTC? Who are they?" "You know," he responded, "Call Them Collect."
One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?" "Maria can wait, lets go look for yours!"
Looks like all three subcribers, who want to loose significant weight
before the reunion, have grabbed the Fat Burning Furnace book.
I might bring that link back some day, but for now it is gone.

I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous
14,000 home wood working plans
Click Here!
If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be
a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!
Off the cost of the book, not the handyman!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Michael Dupree in St Petersburg, Florida Convicted Burglar Sues Captors Over Citizen's Arrest A convicted burglar says the man he victimized actually committed battery while performing an unnecessarily rough citizen's arrest. Michael Dupree is serving a 12-year sentence for cocaine possession and burglary after being found guilty of shattering Anthony McKoy's car window and stealing a bicycle from inside his vehicle in St. Petersburg, Fla., in 2007. Michael Dupree putting on the pounds in prison But Dupree is seeking $500,000 and punitive damages for injuries he says he sustained when McKoy and two other men detained him until police arrived, according to the St. Petersburg Times. Dupree swears another man gave him the bike, which he was trying to sell when McKoy and his accomplices confronted him, pulled out a gun, handcuffed him and pinned him to the ground by painfully placing a knee on his spine. According to court documents, the citizen's arrest lead to "permanent disabilities and psychological disorders which the plaintiff continues to suffer." Unsurprisingly, McKoy has a different version of events. He told the paper that after realizing his car window was shattered, he spotted Dupree -- who happened to be naked -- with his bicycle. McKoy and two other men gave chase and put Dupree in a shoulder hold until police arrived. McKoy was stunned after getting served with Dupree's lawsuit. "I thought it was a joke," he said. "I'm the victim."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Charter.net problems Dear Webby, why do i have to have to get your humor letter at gmail i don't like it at all i can't get it set up right you have to sign in every morning i was having problemes with my computer that is why i could not get it throught my charter account Joyce Dear Joyce No, the reason you could not get it through Charter.net is because of the well known gross incompetence at Charter.net. Not your or your computer's fault at all. Those incompetent morons kept bouncing the subscriptions of over 100 of their victims. Just select an email program like Eudora, Pegasus, Outlook, Outlook Express, whatever, and check your Gmail with that. There is a huge selection of email programs at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_e-mail_clients A Gmail ADDRESS is just an address. Don't get stuck with the browser-view. The browser view is just ONE of many ways of looking at your mail. That method is for a fast stand-up check while at the contractor's counter at the Home Depot or while visiting a friend. THAT mehtod is fast, but very limited, and just intended for quick peeking while away from YOUR computer. After you have selected an email program, check in the Gmail help how to set up POP email with THAT program. It's actually quite easy and straight-forward. The browser view is like a submarine periscope. Handy under certain conditions, but very awkward and limited, when you are in the harbor and on the surface. Have FUN! DearWebby
Joe's daughter's eighth grade history class planned a visit to the US capital. Unfortunately, she was not greatly enthusiastic about a trip that she considered too "educational" to be fun. However, on their return, Joe was pleased to hear how she and her classmates had been filled with awe and emotion as they gazed at the Washington Monument. "To think, dad," she marveled. "We were standing right where Forrest Gump stood."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Desert Gardening Tips I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors look droopy. Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad. Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, and some types of roses which bloom almost all year here with very little care and not much water. So we are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune. By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past sixteen years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! By the way, who are you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Son: "Here's my report card, Dad, along with one of your old ones I found in the attic." Dad: "Well, Son, you're right. Your report card isn't any better than mine was. I guess the only fair thing to do is give you exactly the same as what my father gave me to smarten me up, when I brought that one home. Now where is that old mule whip?"

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Turn it off or leave it running? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." --- Benjamin Franklin Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either. --- Gore Vidal
One day Father Boudreaux and Father Thibodeaux wus fishin on da side of da road. So as not a make it obvius that they were fishing, they hung a big religious poster over a highway sign. Actually it was da back offa Madonna poster and dey had hand lettered on it: "The End is Near! Turn yurself 'Round now afore it's too late!" Well, dis one car dat passed didn't appreciate the sign an da driver wus shouting at dem and hollerin "Go to hell, you religious nuts!" Den all of a sudden dey heard a big splash, an dey looked at each other, an Fr. Boudreaux said ..... "ya think it's mebbee bad luck ta hang a Madonna poster onn da 'Bridge Out' sign?"
Thanks to Rollie for this one: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol,we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thasch why you alwaysch feel scho schmart affer a few beers.
Looks like all three subcribers, who want to loose significant weight
before the reunion, have grabbed the Fat Burning Furnace book.
I might bring that link back some day, but for now it is gone.

I found another great deal: 50% off on the famous
14,000 home wood working plans
Click Here!
If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be
a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!
Off the cost of the book, not the handyman!

Thanks to Janina for this picture: Large Version Dear Webby, This poor dragonfly was dropped by one of the birds who tried to have it for dinner in our yard but was challenged for it - the birds both lost out but I got a nice photo op :>)) Looked so nice, thought I'd share with you. Thanks for your great advice and humor each day! Janina
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to the Hopital staff at Sundsvall, Sweden Hospital charges man for sewing his wound himself after too long a wait in ER A 32-year-old took the needle into his hands when he tired of the wait at Sundsvall hospital in northern Sweden and sewed up the cut in his leg himself. The man was later reported to the police for his impromptu handiwork. "It took such a long time," the man told the local Sundsvall Tidning daily. The man incurred the deep cut when he sliced his leg on the sharp edge of a kitchen stove while he was renovating at home. "I first went to the health clinic, but it was closed. So I rang the medical help line and they told me that it shouldn't be closed, so I went to emergency and sat there," the man named only as Jonas told the newspaper. After an hour-long wait in a treatment room, he lost patience and proceeded to sew up his own wound. "They had set out a needle and thread and so I decided to take the matter into my hands," he said. Hospital staff were not as pleased by his initiative and have reported the man on suspicion of arbitrary conduct for having used hospital equipment without authorization. While Jonas admitted to the newspaper that he has no prior experience of sewing himself up, he sought to play down the fuss that his handiwork has caused, arguing that "through the ages people have always sewn themselves up". --------------- I sure have, until I learned the magic of Crazy-Glue and DuckTape!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Clyde Re: Turn off, or leave it running? Dear Webby, Is it better to turn off every night or let things run until there is another reason? Clyde Dear Clyde That depends on how much you use your computer. If it is used for work 10 or more hours a day, then it is better to leave it running, so that your Diskeeper can defrag it and your anti-virus program can scan it while you sleep. However, if you are just using it for a few hours a day, then it is better to turn it off. Have FUN! DearWebby
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fresh Mint for Air Freshener I use fresh mint from my overgrown mint patch for air freshener. I gather a small handful and crush it up a bit, put a couple of bread ties or rubber band around it and hang it from the light fixture of the ceiling fan. I also put one hanging in front of the box fan. It leaves a really great smell, free and green. By cheep_livin from Brownsville, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves total privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "OOOPS!."

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StrikeOut 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 3, 2010

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. --- Vince Lombardi A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. --- Don Quinn
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, probably less than half of them."
Apparently nobody is interested in the Secret 11 Laws either. Well, if nobody is interested, I am not donating space for it. I'll try to find a different treat for tomorrow.
The psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the speaker, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?" "Elation." "And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?" Bubba replied, "I believe that would be giddy-up."
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Ad on the back of a bus in Amsterdam
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Robert Grimstad, 38, in Des Moines, Iowa Drunk driving on lawn mower, at night An Iowa man ended up in jail after he was pulled over for driving on a motorway at night with no lights - on a lawn mower. Robert Grimstad, 38, was allegedly driving all over Highway 17, near Des Moines, when he was stopped by sheriff's deputies. He told police officers that he was out on his six-speed lawn mower picking up cans out of community spirit. But officers smelt alcohol on his breath, gave him a blood test and charged him with drunk driving, reports the Des Moines Register. Boone County Sheriff Ron Fehr says it's illegal in Iowa to drive any kind of motor vehicle anywhere in Iowa while drunk.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: Strike-out Dear Webby, This morning I was writing a friend and put in 'Happy Monday' and I wondered if there was a way to put slash marks or x's through those words as a spoof. You know you could still see what was written but it would be x'd or slashed through. Thanks againg and have a wonderful day. Cookie Dear Cookie Do you mean strikeout ? Along with Bold, Italic, and Underlined, Strikeout is one of the four basic "decorations", and all decent word processors and email programs have it included. In HTML you use the STRIKE tag. Have FUN! DearWebby
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special sir," he said. "A short prayer and then we just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Once a Week Shopping only once a week and going to the store on your busiest day is the key to spending less on groceries. Over the past few months I have stuck to a simple rule: Grocery shopping once a week. By Bella Swan from Forks, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A teacher was upset that one little boy was swearing in class. "Todd," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear those words?" "My daddy says that," Todd replied. "Well, that doesn't matter," the teacher explained. "I don't want to hear that language in here again." Turning away, the teacher muttered "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too!" the little boy replied. "It means the car won't start!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Doctor: "Have you ever been troubled by appendicitis?" Patient: "Only when I've tried to spell it."

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Cleaning a digital camera 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 2, 2010

In order to succeed beyond your wildest expectations, first you need some wild expectations. --- Socratex Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. --- Carl Bard
insurance company. Sandy spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth." There was a long pause, and then Sandy replied, "If that's how it works, cancel the life insurance policy on my husband!"
Get The 11 Forgotten Laws Law Of Attraction, The Secret, etc. This is BIG stuff! Don't try it unless you have at least temporary access to high speed to download it. Normally $300 or more. With this link, you can get the whole course for $97, or try it for a week for $5. I will only have this link for one day. Get The 11 Forgotten Laws
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" raised a hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to dad for this picture: It's just a small man-made pond to store water for snow-making in winter, but it sure looks pretty! If you want to look up on Google Earth where he had gone to yesterday, the location is: 47° 03.839',9° 58.488' Pictures from that trip are at http://dawna.com
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Boris Simonov in Moscow, Russia Threw money into the wind A Russian official suspected of accepting bribes threw more than $313,000 out of his car window during a police chase in Moscow. Fisheries Agency official Boris Simonov frantically flung 10 million roubles into the wind after he crashed his Cadillac, local media reported. The state-run First Channel television showed scores of large-denomination rouble notes being collected by police beside a thoroughfare in south-central Moscow. The TV program showed two suspects handcuffed and lying on the road beside the smashed-up Cadillac. The crash happened as they were being chased by Federal Security Service agents on a busy Moscow highway. Mr Simonov and his boss, Roman Postnikov, are accused of having taken bribes from businessmen involved in selling fishing permits at reservoirs on the outskirts of Moscow. The arrested officials worked for the Federal Fisheries Agency and it is alleged the businessmen used bribes to obtain an illegally back-dated contract. Both fishery officials will be jailed for two months pending further investigation, the committee said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: Cleaning a digital camera Dear Webby, You have so many helpful hints, how about one for cleaning my digital camera casing? It has quite a few years of grime, sticky hands belonging to grandkids and myself, smog, etc. I've wiped it with a wet cloth but it seems to be stickier. having lots of fun, Patricia Dear Patricia A soft cloth well dampened with Windex or a Citrus based household cleaner works well, even on the lens. Well washed torn up old t-shirts make great camera rags. Have FUN! DearWebby
An English professor announced to the class: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "Like, what word is gross and which one is cool ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Break Your Dishwasher Tabs In Half Make your dishwasher tabs go twice as far! Buy only the dishwasher detergent in tablet form so it can be broken in half. Use just one half for each load unless running a very soiled load. Dishes get just as clean and the box lasts twice as long! Also, there is a $2.25 coupon for these tabs on a regular basis that often coincides with a grocery store special. Source: My frugal self - just tried it a few times and was convinced! By Nan from Charlotte http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only in Oklahoma can you hear.... "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." "Sorry, we only got Pepsi"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
"How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?" demanded the policeman. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low moan. His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" whimpered the driver. "What happened to my boat and six cases of beer in it?"

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Scheduling hard drive defragging 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 1, 2010

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. --- P. J. O'Rourke "Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." --- William James
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the Big pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the little pink pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
Recently, in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Steven Melendez, 24, in Mansfield Ohio PUI Pushing a stroller while intoxicated MANSFIELD, Ohio -- A Mansfield man is facing unusual charges for pushing his children in a stroller while he was intoxicated. 24-year-old Steven Melendez says his sons,who are one and three years-old, mean the world to him. However, Melendez concedes he had been drinking when he put the boys in a stroller and went to pick up a money order near their home on Monday. Melendez tells Fox 8 "stupidly after having a couple of drinks you know I shouldn't be going out but I was trying to make sure I had the money and stuff and got it so I had everything that day. I went out and about and was headed there to get the money and the cops stopped me." After receiving a 911 call from a concerned resident, Mansfield Police arrested Melendez on charges of child endangering and public intoxication. Police say he passed out when they took him to the Richland County Jail to be booked, and he had to be taken to a nearby hospital for treatment. Melendez says "point blank I was wrong, I shouldn't have went out and had anything to drink, I mean I wasn't stumbling stupid drunk or nothing but you know it happened, it's over. I've just got to go and do what I have to do to deal with it." Melendez says he is now taking steps to treat his drinking problem.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Defragmenting the hard drive Dear Webby, Thank you for the wonderful humor today. What a great way to start the day. I just installed Diskeeper trial version today. I looked at their help sedction bur got more confused. Hpw do I know if it is automatically defragementing at all times? I think I saw "automatic defrag" checked but am not sure if it is running. Also should i do a manual defrag every so often as I was used to doing theur "my computer"? Thanks again for your fun & tips. Have a purrfect day, Sharon Dear Sharon When you got it set to automatically defragment whenever the screen saver comes on, then of course you will never SEE it in action. You will simply notice that the computer is getting faster every day. It is a good idea to do one manually set defrag first. Just set it to start at a time when you are not using the computer, because all that shuffling around will temporarily slow it down a bit. While it is doing that, you will see an activity icon in the task bar. After that, set it to automatically defrag whenever the screen saver comes on. Have FUN! DearWebby
During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We all like big boobs."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "No Boredom Bag" For Car Trips For car trips with kids, I make a "no boredom bag". It can be a backpack, or any bag, but ones with pockets are good. It depends on what age as to what you put in it, but I usually put the following for my 9 year old: 4-5 coloring/activity books, a book to read, a small pack of crayons, a small pack of markers, a small MagnaDoodle, various snacks, a spill-proof cup, wet wipes, some car games, and an mp3 player. Most of it can be bought at the dollar store, and can be mixed and matched according to the child's preferences and ages, and it solves the "Are we there yet?" and "I'm so bored!" comments. By blueflye from ID http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

That joke above reminds me of Nancy, who is rather top-heavy. Nancy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. Her downward vision of course was blocked, and she was in a hurry fumbling the belt. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always wear it looped through your steering wheel?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

» Railway Pictures





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Reading bookmarks 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 31, 2010

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, ''Ma'am,'' he said, "'Do all these children and this luggage belong to you?'' ''Yes, sir,'' my mother said with a sigh, they're all mine.'' The customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?'' ''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now.''
Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
The young lady walked over to the room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door. "We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?" "Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the lady. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I'm his mother!"
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to the Kato family in Tokyo, Japan Tokyo's oldest man dead for 30 years On the occasion of Sogen Kato’s 111th birthday, officials in Tokyo, Japan wanted to pay the oldest man in the city a visit to celebrate his amazing milestone. But when they arrived at the home, they were turned away by Mr. Kato’s granddaughter, who told them, “My grandfather is well, but he’s refused to meet with anyone.” On Wednesday, the granddaughter went to police and told them the truth: Mr. Kato had been dead for at least 30 years, and was still in his bedroom. His mummified remains were lying in bed, wearing long underwear and covered by a blanket. A newspaper from 1978 was by his side. His family said Mr. Kato had taken to his room 30 years ago in an effort to be like Buddha and refused to eat or drink, the Daily Mainichi News reported. “He shut himself in a first-floor room about 30 years ago in line with his doctrines, refusing to take food or water. When we looked inside the room in March this year, we saw the skeletal remains of our grandfather,” a granddaughter told police. Mr. Kato lived with his daughter, 81, son-in-law, 83, and two grandchildren, 49 and 53. His wife died in 2004 at the age of 101. Police are now investigating the family on fraud charges, as a US$110,000 survivor’s pension was claimed in Mr. Kato’s name. Police also say US$31,000 was withdrawn from Mr. Kato’s account this month.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: Reading bookmarks Dear Webby, Saving a list of bookmarks is a great idea. Now I can save the list to my desktop then cut and paste them into a document and print them to study offline. My question is this: how can I get these bookmarks to display the URL without having to go to each one and open it? 'Nita Dear Nita By default, the bookmarks are saved in HTML format, the language that browsers understand. When you click on the shortcut to the exported bookmarks, FireFox, or whatever browser you use, opens the bookmarks file. When you hover over a link, it shows you the URL in the status line. (If you got Status Line checkmarked in VIEW). If you open the bookmarks file with Open Office Write, it pops a thumbnail with the URL whenever you hover the cursor over a Link I don't know of a free program, that will split links into Title and URL. However, once you have the bookmarks file open in Open Office Write, you can right-click a link, select COPY HYPERLINK LOCATION, move the cursor beside it, and hit CTRL V to paste the URL. Have FUN! DearWebby
Sue gave her hubby a state-of-the-art metal detector. He excitedly took his new toy to the back yard to try it out. When he scattered some change on the ground, it seemed to work fine. Then, even when he wasn't near the coins, the thing kept going off. Over and over, he adjusted and re-adjusted with no luck. After watching him for a while, Sue said, "I think I know what's wrong." "I know what I'm doing!" he snapped back. After 20 minutes, he finally turned to her. "Okay, what's wrong?" Sue said, "You're standing over the buried oil tank."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Paper Towels If you don't have a salad spinner and use paper towels to dry lettuce, reuse the paper towels! Just drape them over a drying rack. They dry very quickly. Then fold them up and store with your kitchen linens until the next salad. You can also dry lettuce in clean dish towels and avoid using paper towels at all! By Stephanie from Anchorage, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Back in the 1960s we didn't have the space station buzzing around within rifle range of the mountains to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy old moon. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an axe, you just had to hope your axe was better than his. In my day you couldn't take basket weaving or acting instead of math. And that was before they invented calculators! If you couldn't calculate the trajectory of an intercontinental missile with a pencil and paper, well, then you just repeated Grade 6 until you could. It's actually not that hard if you know a bit of trig. In my day, we didn't have school buses. We had to hitch a ride on a dinosaur or wrap barb wire around our feet for traction and walk to school 5 Miles, and it was all uphill. Both ways!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

» Asphalt Volcanoes





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Hotmail Limits 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 30, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to make a sailor blush. --- Socratex
Max dies and leaves Sadie with a total of $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just after Max died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $5,000. And of course, I made a donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Vayismere! How big is it?" "Three carats."
Don't worry about everybody learning the tricks in this book. So far not a single subscriber has been able to scrape together the $30 for this big cook book. It seems to be priced to keep those BBQ Competition Secrets a secret of a very small elite. Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
Gina was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. Gina told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at Gina very carefully and very slowly and deliberately asked: "Does she like you?"
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Anthony Lee, 49, from North Yorkshire, England Tried to sell the Ritz An out-of-work truck driver has been jailed for five years for trying to sell London's exclusive Ritz Hotel for £250 million. Anthony Lee had persuaded a financier and a property dealer that he was an associate of the Barclay brothers, the hotel's owners, reports the BBC. In what the judge called 'an elaborate and outrageous scam', Lee intimated that the brothers had secret reasons for selling their hotel and wanted to do it through a third party. The two interested buyers handed over a deposit of £1m, but when the sale failed to go through, it was never returned. By the way, Sandy from near the town of Geelong, featured in yesterday's Bonehead Award, told me that Geelong is in Victoria, not Tasmania. Sorry about that!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cleta Re: Hotmail Limits WEBBY, I HAVE A MSN ADDRESS BUT ALL OF MY E-MAILS GO THRU HOTMAIL. CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME HOW HOTMAIL CAN TELL ME THAT I HAVE SENT ENOUGH E-MAILS FOR TODAY. THAT I CAN'T SEND ANYMORE FOR 24 HOURS, UNLESS I PAY THEM 19.99. THEN I CAN SEND 300 OF THEM IF I WANTED TO. THANK YOU VERY MUCH WEBBY. CLETA Dear Cleta I have no idea what kind of games they play in that sandbox, and I have NEVER in my life paid for emails. Considering that you can get Earthlink high speed DSL for $14.95 a month, and nobody giving a hoot about how many emails you send, it would be rather silly to wait with graduating from the sandbox. Earthlink is just an example off the top of my head. They are at http://www.earthlink.net/access/ check if they are available in your neck of the woods. If you shop around, you might find even better deals. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of a child's temper tantrum at the supermarket last 20 times as long as the two hours of her nap time.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Paper Towels If you don't have a salad spinner and use paper towels to dry lettuce, reuse the paper towels! Just drape them over a drying rack. They dry very quickly. Then fold them up and store with your kitchen linens until the next salad. You can also dry lettuce in clean dish towels and avoid using paper towels at all! By Stephanie from Anchorage, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, some wonder what the heck happened.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Boudreaux left the bayou and moved to Arkansas and bought a donkey for $100 from an old farmer. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news... the donkey died last night." "Sacri-Bleu" said Boudreaux, "den gimme my money back." "I can't do that Sir, I went and spent it already." "OK, den. Jus' unload dat donkey." "What are you gonna do with him?" "Hi ham gon-to raffle him off." "You can't raffle a dead donkey, you dumb Cajun!" "Well dats where you wrong.! You wait you an' you learn how smart we Cajuns are!" A month later the farmer ran into the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "Hi raffled dat donkey off. Hi sold 1000 tickets at two dollar apiece and made too towsend buck. Dat was enough for a old JonDeere with a bucket, an hi use dat to bury your dead donkey." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Jus dat guy who won. So Hi give him his two dollar back. You got any more donkey?"

» Rural America





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Why not Auto-Renew Anti-Virus programs? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, July 29, 2010

"One man with courage makes a majority." --- Andrew Jackson (1767-1845) "What a new face courage puts on everything!" --- Ralph Waldo Emerson Courage is the triumph of integrity over fear. --- Socratex
The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets, weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
I found a prize deal for you! Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she whispered. "It's truly amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $49.95."
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Eilish De Avalon, 40, in Geelong, Australia Your laws don't apply to me! A SELF-PROCLAIMED witch in Geelong, Tasmania told a traffic cop she was not subject to earthly laws as she was "a being from another world". "Your laws and penalties don't apply to me. I'm not accepting them, I'm sorry, I must go, thank you," Eilish De Avalon said, driving off with the officer's arm caught in her driver's side door. The alien defence was played out in Geelong Magistrates' Court yesterday when De Avalon, who had also told police she "had a universal name that is not recognised here", pleaded guilty to recklessly causing serious injury, dangerous driving and driving while suspended, using a mobile phone while driving and failing to stop on police request on February 23. "De Avalon was a suspended driver and that is why she took off," Leading Senior Constable Geoff Lamb said. The court heard that the policeman had feared for his life when De Avalon drove off with his right arm pinned in her car window. Senior Constable Geoff Lamb said De Avalon ignored repeated calls to stop and instead accelerated, reaching up to 60km/h as she dragged Leading Senior Constable Andrew Logan 190m along busy Moorabool St. De Avalon had only stopped after being forced to slow in traffic and the officer grabbed the keys from her ignition. De Avalon, 40, a marriage celebrant, of Victory Way, Highton, had initially been stopped after she was seen using a mobile phone while driving about 10.40am.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marnie Re: Auto-renew McAfee or not? Dear Webby, At my last job they were quite fanatic and insistent about turning OFF the Auto-Renew for McAfee, but I forgot the reason why, or if I have ever been told the reason. What is the point of that? Marnie Dear Marnie yes, most definitely turn the Auto-Renew OFF. They nag and pester you to renew anyway, when the time comes. If you don't turn the Auto-Renew off, they keep automatically renewing THAT subscription for years, long after that computer has been turned into a geranium box. If new machines come with a trial version pre-installed, you don't usually bother to figure out how to transfer the license from the old one. Eventually you wind up with automatically renewed licenses for a whole bunch of geranium planters and garage decorations. It is a bit tricky, but unused licenses CAN be transferred, however, you don't get a refund if you retire a computer, that just has had it's license auto-renewed. So it is best to turn the Auto-Renew off and just renew manually when it is actually due for renewal. Have FUN! DearWebby
By chance, John Smith witnessed a mugging. About an hour later, the cops arrived, and the officer in charge asked the witness his name. "John Smith," said Smith. "Cut the funny business," the cop barked sharply. "What's your real name?" "All right," said Smith, "put me down as Albert Einstein." "That's more like it," said the man in blue. "You can't fool ME with that John Smith stuff."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Electricity Continuity in Your Freezer If you travel often, even if only for a weekend, there is a chance your electricity may go off. If so, when you get home, you won't know if the food in your freezer has been thawed and then frozen again. In order to know, put 2 or 3 ice cubes in a baggie in the freezer. When you come home, check that baggie. If there is a frozen puddle, you'll know the electricity was off long enough to defrost your food. You may not want to keep those pork chops! With digital clocks being so sophisticated now, they may not blink anymore after a power outage, so the only way you'd know is if you check your little ice bag. By Candace from Scottsdale, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At the company water cooler, the office braggart was boring his fellow workers as usual. His topic of the day was about his children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another working in southern Italy. Then he told everyone that his daughter was working on a year's research project in India. "What is it about you," a co-worker finally asked, "that makes your kids want to get THAT far away from you ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4- car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!" With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!" (a novena is a rather lengthy set of prayers)

» Fancy Edibles





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Problem with OE receiving, but not able to send email 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, July 28, 2010

If you look at life one way, there is always cause for alarm. --- Elizabeth Bowen Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. --- Mark Twain
Arnie came into school looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. "Our chickens have been disappearing." He said. "And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on." He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school."
A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready -- all dressed up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shoots back into the house. Not wanting their often-rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with the mop to get her to come out!" The cab driver almost hit a parked car.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a 40 year old female shoplifter in Barrie, Ontario Thanks to Jackie for sending in this one: Applicant can add ‘shoplifting’ to resume Job hunter stole clothes from store where she interviewed Don't leave your resume behind at the scene of the crime. Barrie cops didn't have to look too hard for an alleged shoplifter who was hunting for a job at the same time over the weekend. The 40-year-old woman was at a Bayfield St. store for a job interview but after meeting the store manager and handing over her resume, the woman was spotted on store security cameras lifting several items, police said. She bolted with the items and the store manager, who was in the backroom at the time, called the cops. Barrie Police attended the store and, as they say in their press release, "easily identified the thief using her resume." No kidding. Investigators sifting through security footage also found the woman had been in the store the previous day. Police allege she is on video stealing the clothing that she wore for her job interview. The unidentified woman has been charged with two counts of theft under $5,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Can't send mail with Outlook Express Dear Webby, I am having problems with my PC. I can receive mail with OE but can't send. I can use GMail to send and receive. The power was off for three hours and that is when my problems began. I had the DSL guys out here (2 of them). They said the problem is with my PC as they could recieve ok with their laptops hooked up to my modem. Should I continue just using gmail or have the PC taken to the Dr.? Thanks for your help. hank Dear Hank Those clowns are clueless! If you can receive but not send, then your modem is OK and you either 1) have the wrong SMTP Server named in the email program set-up or 2) the SMTP server of your ISP has a problem authenticating you. With DSL you are normally authenticated by the DSL modem, but you can play with that setting in your email program and toggle "Allow Authentication" on or off. You didn't mention who the clowns are working for, but it would probably be a very good idea to set your Gmail to POP and process it with your OE. Instructions are here: Set OE for Gmail POP Your Gmail address is a lifetime address, and you won't have to change your address every time you change ISPs. Then you can tell the clowns to just forward your mail to your Gmail address Have FUN! DearWebby
Here is a much requested classic: A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the check-out, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Panty Hose to Keep Ceiling Fan Clean An easy way to keep ceiling fans clean. Cut the legs off old pantyhose and put one on each blade, stretching them until the whole blade is covered. You'll have extra at the motor end so twist this until it's a tight roll then tuck it back into the "leg". When the pantyhose gets dusty, just remove and wash. We live on the edge of a gibber desert where it's very dusty so our fans are always dressed in their best. No longer plain white, they look very colourful. They're currently wearing purple and black. Works well in the city also, where fans pick up city grime. By magicalmarilyn from Millstream, Western Australia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
While shopping for vacation clothes, a husband and wife passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice. "What do you think?" she asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all into one."

» Brain Buckets





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Save all bookmarks at once 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A computer will not make a good manager out of a bad manager. It makes a good manager better faster and a bad manager worse faster. ---Edward M Esber "Manners are like the zero in arithmetic; they may not be much in themselves, but they are capable of adding a great deal to the value of everything else." --- Freya Stark
Two campers are walking through the forest when they suddenly encounter a grizzly bear! The bear rears up on his hind legs and lets out a terrifying roar. They're both frozen in their tracks. The first camper whispers, "I'm sure glad I wore my running shoes today." "It doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing, you're not gonna outrun that bear," replies the second. "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU," he answers, as he takes off.
Overheard in the elevator: Two sure ways to spot a REALLY sexy man (or woman) The first is, he (or she) has bad memory. ...... I forgot the second.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Travis Lloyd Kevie, 29, in Penryn, California Man broke into bar, served patrons PENRYN, Calif. (UPI) -- Police in Penryn, Calif., said a transient who is well known to deputies broke into a bar and served customers for a couple of days before being found out. The Valencia Club went out of business in June but Travis Lloyd Kevie, 29, opened it back up July 16, complete with an "Open" sign in the window, the Sacramento Bee reported. Kevie served an estimated 30 customers a day during the weekend, the newspaper said. The reopening apparently was newsworthy in the area, as the Auburn (Calif.) Journal even carried an item in which Kevie was quoted as saying it was "a dream come true" for him to operate the club. Placer County Sheriff's Detective Jim Hudson happened to see the news item and recognized Kevie. Hudson went to the club Wednesday and determined Kevie had no liquor license. Kevie was arrested on suspicion of burglary and selling alcohol without a license, the Bee said. Kevie had worked on a crew brought in to clean the building after the Valencia Club was shut down. Investigators said Kevie bought a six-pack of beer at a convenience store and then used money from selling the beer to buy more alcohol -- continuing to build the business until he had "10 to 12 bottles of hard liquor and a couple of cases of beer." Police said they confiscated a large of amount of cash and alcohol from the bar. If he had obtained a license, he would have gotten away with it at least until rent was due.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Saving FireFox bookmarks Dear Webby I have been trying to save all my bookmarks, and I cannot figure it out. Saving one by one would be time consuming, do you know a shortcut? Thanks again, Jai Dear Jai 1. Open Firefox. 2. Select Bookmarks > Organize Bookmarks. 3. The Bookmarks Manager opens. Click File > Export… 4. Save the bookmark.html file wherever you wish. Desktop, CD, Floppy, Memory Stick, Online, anywhere. Have FUN! DearWebby
David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, yes, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks ..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoid Watering Down Your Summer Drinks Instead of watering down your soft drinks with ice cubes, I use soda that has gone flat and freeze it in an ice cube tray. I also make extra iced tea, and do the same thing. Never again do I have watery drinks. Try it. It will make a big difference. By Wayne from St Albans, NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and demanded: "Who told you about us?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks, was shock proof to 60 G, could be driven over and even dropped from a plane. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."

» Fancy Cakes





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Clean your computer for better speed 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, July 26, 2010

Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand. --- Leo Durocher I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed. --- Bruce Lee
Eric said his company sometimes abbreviates the shipping address of their customers to make them fit on the printed labels. However, the Assembly Of God Church aparently was not amused when the label on their box displayed, "Ass Of God Church".
It was little Harry's first visit to the country, and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Late one evening he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard, feathers spread beautifully in all its glory. Rushing indoors excitedly, Harry called out for his grandma. . . . "Gramma, Gramma, come see! Come see!" he exclaimed. "One of your chickens is in bloom!"
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Large version of the picture Dad hiked over a mountain and came down from the pass into a mountain village, where they happened to have a horse & carriage parade. So he took a whole bunch of pictures. I put them up onto his site at http://dawna.com
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to three women in Springfield, Missouri Diners flee without paying, but forget purses SPRINGFIELD, Mo. (AP) - A dine-and-dash escapade went bad when two of the fleeing diners left their purses behind. The Springfield News-Leader reported that no charges had been filed as of midweek against the three women who ran from a Waffle House restaurant Sunday morning without paying their $39 bill. The general manager said the women seemed intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. The Springfield paper said a short time after fleeing, one of the women returned to the store and demanded the purses. The manager said he told the woman she needed to wait for police to arrive, but she ran. A police report said the purses contained identifying documents, along with what appeared to be a check stub from another Waffle House in Arkansas.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: D. Re: Computer cleaning controversy Dear Webby I remember you usually rant and rave and get quite obnoxious, when anybody mentions using compressed air for cleaning. Got a mail where somebody suggests unplugging the computer and using compressed air and a paintbrush to clean the inside. What's the official word? D. Dear D. Anybody who suggests unplugging a computer for cleaning, has not yet graduated from cleaning toasters. If you unplug your computer, then there is nothing to drain the static electricity to safe ground. Turn it off, sure, but leave it plugged in! That way, all the static on you from dragging the cats across the carpet, is safely conducted away and zeroed the moment you touch the case. Don't worry, there is no dangerous electricity in the computer, ecept in that shiny, pop-riveted power supply box in the corner. The same goes for the vauum cleaner hose. Any static that may be on it, is safely zeroed though YOU, even if you don't first touch the outside of the case with it, because most likely you got the other hand resting on the computer case, and not combing your bee-hive wig while cleaning the computer. Using compressed air is only recommended by compressed air salespeople, those, who want to sell you a new computer, optometrists who want to get paid for digging grit out of your eyes, and juveniles, who get off on "huffing" canned air. Unlike a vacuum cleaner, compressed air does not get rid of anything. It just temporarily moves it out of sight, or into your eyes. That is rather silly, even when cleaning toasters. After vauuming out the dust bunnies and dust, do NOT try to generate static by stroking the plastic CPU fan shroud with a paint brush! Try those experiments with your cats instead. Unclip the fan shrouds. That can be a bit tricky, similar to opening child proof medicine bottles and may have to be delegated to a kid. However, they ALL unclip without fancy tools, if you gently push in the right places. Then take the shroud and fan/heatsink assembly out and vacuum it thoroughly. Often the heat sink has a white grease on one side, where it touches the CPU. Try not to get that side dirty or cleaned off. It does need that heatsink grease. If you accidentally cleaned it off, you can get tiny tubes of it at the Radio Shack, electronics stores and many computer stores. You don't need a lot of it, just enough to level the microscopic imperfections in the surface of the chip. Half a match-head is usually too much. If the heat sink, that shiny ribbed piece of metal, is clogged or dirty, clean it with a Q-Tip and Windex until it looks shiny and new again. Your CPU is only as good as the heat sink allows it to be. If it is dirty or clogged, the CPU heats up and shifts down in speed. All the silly speeder-upper software in the world won't accomplish what a minute or two with a wet Q-Tip can do. If the CPU fan blades are dirty, clean them the same way. It runs a lot quieter when the blades are clean and shiny. Then snap the heat sink / fan assembly back on, snap the shroud over it, check all the pretty colored cables to make sure they are still firmly plugged in, and close the lid. That is all there is to it. If you do have some cans of compressed air sitting around, empty them out the window and heave them into the garbage, so that they will never tempt a juvenile to experiment how close to dying they can get with huffing. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry- cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are fifteen dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it five more times and we can pay the phone bill!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Share Your "Buy One Get One Free" Purchases If you take advantage of the buy one get one free option (when it truly is a bargain) offered in some stores, why not think about sharing the second one with an elderly neighbor trying to live on a fixed income, or the family down the street who's trying to make it on unemployment through job loss? Sharing works both ways, and you never know when you may need a helping hand yourself. By Marie from West Dundee, IL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A fifth grader looked down, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," replied Carol. "I made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, Johnny hijacked the plane, and handed it in as HIS homework!"

» Cloud Castles





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OE mail disappeared 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, July 25, 2010

Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things. --- Socratex
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's just me, I have quit drinking."
On her first day the new kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
The Magic of Making Up
Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
even if you don't need to make up with anybody
right now. Might come in handy in the future!
Up to 5,400 times cheaper than a divorce. Click Here!
Last day for this offer. This is a book that should be in every home, just in case. I sincerely hope, you don't pass on this.
Large version of the picture That looks like the spot in the Little Colorado Canyon, where I lost my yellow cap.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Danny Noel Riggs, 42, Tip Toe Tanning owner arrested for burglary of customers' vehicles FORT WALTON BEACH — The owner of Tip Toe Tanning was arrested Thursday after video footage revealed him burglarizing customers’ vehicles, according to lawmen. Danny Noel Riggs, 42, is charged with five counts of burglary, according to a news release from n Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. Deputies received complaints from Riggs’ customers who suspected him of stealing money and other items from vehicles parked at his business on Beal Parkway. On Thursday, an undercover unit used video surveillance to record Riggs burglarizing two vehicles. One of them belonged to an undercover officer, the release said. The officer went to Tip Toe Tanning and paid to use a stand-up tanning booth. The officer then placed her bag and money in the car, the release said. Riggs entered the car and stole $60 cash and $10 in change, the release said. After burglarizing the vehicle, Riggs went back into the tanning salon, where another deputy arrested him. He had the $70 and keys to the woman’s car in his hands at the time, according to the Sheriff’s Office. ------------------- What puzzles me is why anybody in that part of Florida would need a tanning booth, unless they are fresh out of jail. Streaking across the parking lot or three minutes on a lawn at lunch time, should get anybody there a tan, if not a sunburn!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Verna Re: OE mail has disappeared Dear Webby All of a sudden all my filed and unanswered OE emails have disappeared. Poof. Gone. They are not in the Recycle bin or anywhere that I can find them. Some of them are memos I sent to myself with vital info, that I still have to work on or print. I NEED to get that mail back! Verna Dear Verna With OE, that is normal and to be expected, and why I don't recommend it. OE and Outlook have done that for the last 15 years and I get letters like yours all the time. Some people say, that you can postpone the inevitable by keeping the IN, OUT and TRASH boxes as close to empty as possible. It IS possible that Microsoft has figured out how to retrieve all that mail. Try contacting their support. Have FUN! DearWebby
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale." The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you fifty dollars for that cat." And the owner says, "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the fifty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight stray cats." The cat came back half an hour later.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Very Young Kids Can Write Books I was totally surprised when my granddaughter, who is 6, showed me a stack of six books she'd written. She came up with the idea herself to write and illustrate her own series of books. She uses only computer paper, colored pens and a paperclip to hold each book together. She came up with this on her own, but when she brought them to kindergarten the teacher liked them so much, she had the whole class make their own. Each book is about a cat or dog she or a friend owns. But your child's books could be about anything! She also numbers each book (Book #1 "Smokey the Dirty Cat") and numbers the pages, then on the back she lists each book in the her series. If she can't write up everything by herself, she tells her mother what to write. Me, being an artist, I get the biggest kick out of her illustrations! I'm sure she got the idea because her mother takes her to the library and reads to her so often. (They are poor but rich!) This could be a fun thing for you to do with your kids this summer, make your very own books! By Cyinda from near Seattle http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "Probably about a hundred feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog!

» Pine Ridge, SD





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Make pictures show in Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 24, 2010

A lot of people asked what that red icon, that I put on top on Fridays, is about. Well, first let me make it VERY clear, that it is NOT political. It has nothing to do with Bush deciding to fight the terrorists on THEIR home turf instead of on yours, and it has nothing to do with Obama being against that and ordering the troops to use "courageous restraint" and to turn the other cheek. That icon is to remind us to show gratitude to the troops, who risk their lives to do whatever they are told, to protect us and our freedom. Not a gesture to politicians, just a simple and quick gesture to show gratitude to the troops. You can read more about it at http://snipurl.com/gratittude
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." --- Antoine de Saint Exupery
Thanks to Dianne for sending this story: My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter"? I asked. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" I replied.
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: NO, SIR!!!
The Magic of Making Up
Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
even if you don't need to make up with anybody
right now. Might come in handy in the future!
Up to 5,400 times cheaper than a divorce. Click Here!

Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: Large version of the picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to George Horn, 48, in Ft Lauderdale, Florida Burglar used cross to pry open church poor boxes JULY 20--A Florida man who used a crucifix to break into a donation box at a Catholic church in Fort Lauderdale was charged today with burglary in connection with the heist last month. George Horn, 48, allegedly broke a window to gain access to St. John's Catholic Church on June 26. While inside, he took a crucifix from the altar and used it as a pry bar to open the donation box under a stand filled with devotional candles. Horn--crucifix in hand--was caught on video by a church surveillance camera. Along with rifling the candle box, Horn also broke into two church poor boxes, according to a Fort Lauderdale Police Department report. He was charged after police completed a probe that included the recovery of DNA evidence from the crime scene, which included a large amount of blood left behind by the burglar. Horn is being held in the Broward County jail on the felony count.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Laura Re: Showing pictures in Gmail HI, I just started getting your newsletter again. Not sure why I wasn't. Anyway, in the meantime I have switched over to gmail. I have my sympatico email redirected to my gmail. None of the graphics are working in Gmail. Is there a setting I need to change to get them? Thanks Laura Dear Laura The browser "peeker" for Gmail can be configured to show pictures, but it is just designed for quick and fast peeking from a slow connection, away from your own computer. That is why the default is set to not show anything, that would slow you down. The best way to handle it is to a) make a filter that tells Gmail to never trash or spam mail from humor@webby.com, even if I talk about viruses or spam. b) Set Gmail to POP c) Set up your favorite email program (Eudora, ThunderBird, Outlook, Outlook Express, whatever) to check laura*****@gmail.com On those occasions, when you DO want images to show, while you are just quickly peeking with the browser, just click on the SHOW IMAGES link at the top of the email where you want to see the pictures. It won't change the quick peeker into a full-featured email program, it will just change the setting for that one email. Just keep in mind that the browser based peeker was designed to quickly check your email while standing at the contractor's counter at the Home Depot and using the courtesy computer there. It is fast, nothing gets downloaded into that machine, and all your email stays on the server, so that you can pull it down with Eudora or Outlook or whatever, when you get home. Have FUN! DearWebby
A business executive who had retired last year was discussing the joys of his new leisure time. He remarked that he had been compelled to give up skiing, a sport he had enjoyed for many years. "Afraid of injuries?" I asked. "Well, now I am," he responded. "Before I could drag a cast into work and still do my job, but now I'd be messing up my golf game."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Cords in Toilet Paper Rolls Organizing electrical extension cords when not in use. Save empty TP rolls. Fold your cords in lengths of 8 inches and insert each one in an empty TP roll. Write on the outside of the roll with a permanent marker the length of the extension cord inside of the roll. These will stack neatly in a small plastic basket and you know what size of cord you are getting each time. By Marbilite from Indianapolis, Indiana http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A boss in California, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let at least one of you go and I need you to supply me with a usable solution immediately." Female Employee: "I'm a woman." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." ...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..." So, without discriminating against any politically protected group, he fired all four of them for "failure to perform assigned duties, like supplying him with a usable solution".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a big, muddy hole in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? You must do it at night." "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

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Making desktop shortcuts 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 23, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

God gave us memory that we might have roses in December. --- James Matthew Barrie You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. --- Tom Wilson Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure. --- Murphy
In a Phoenix airport boarding area they announced that the flight was overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced: "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
At the supermarket parking lot I saw a lady who seemed rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for organic vegetables for my mother-in-law, but I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were. "He didn't know what I was talking about so I said, 'These vegetables are for my mother-in-law. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?' "And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself !'"
The Magic of Making Up
Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
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Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Large version of the picture Rosvik Norbotten, Sweden
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a 17 year old boy in Leon, NY Amish DUI chase LEON-A 17 year old Amish teen from the Town of Leon is in trouble after he led police on a chase through his town. The teen was observed running a stop sign in his horse and buggy. Sheriff's deputies tried to stop him, but he refused to stop and a chase ensued for almost a mile. After making an unsafe turn, the teen crashed the horse and buggy and took off on foot. He was later found, arrested and charged with underage possession of alcohol, overdriving an animal, reckless endangerment, failure to stop at a stop sign and failure to yield to a emergency vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Making a desktop shortcut Good Morning Webby, Have a problem placing a short cut icon on my desk top. I right click on a open spot on the site I want to make a desk top short cut, but when a drop down menu appears there is no wording that will allow me to make a short cut. Is there another way in which I can make a short cut icon on my desk top? Thank you, Bob Dear Bob Right-click on the desk top NEW Shortcut Browse to the program or file that you want the shortcut to NEXT Type in a nickname for it FINISH You probably missed the NEW step. There IS another way for URLs. Grab the littel icon on the left side of the URL in the address bar, and drag that to an empty spot on the desktop. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my birthday," little Jimmie said to his uncle the first time he saw him since then. "It's the best birthday present I ever got." "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Plastic Bottles to Water Plants When it comes to summer time and plants drying out, what I find works is taking water bottles (like Perrier water bottles found in the recycle box at work), filling them up with water, and then sticking them in soil about 2-3 inches in the soil. This lasts for about 4 days in containers. For outdoor garden, I place it close to the plant and it last about 3 days. As the soil drys it allows for air to be released and allowing the water to fill up the spot where the air has been created. No need to worry about overwatering with this method, as gravity works its magic. No need to spend money on glass balls for watering. If you want to decorate them, modpoge them with tissue paper. Source: My Mom http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men, before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Hey, amigo, wanna buy my nice, beeg ship?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 15-oh-oh. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, it's 2 hours till Happy Hour. If it is a Coast Guard plane, it's Mid Afternoon If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Friday Afternoon."

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More Charter.Net email problems! 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, July 22, 2010

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. --- Pat Paulsen You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain
Judi visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. The engine, though rather loud, was roaring smoothly, music was blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong? At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the hood and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her. "That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter? Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid." "Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a kitten again. "Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?" "Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied. Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?"
An elderly couple was sitting together watching television. During a commercial, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?" After a long thoughtful silence and during the next commercial, the wife replied, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got Christmas cards from them this year."
The Magic of Making Up Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it, even if you don't need to make up with anybody right now. Click Here!

Thanks to Lillemor for sending me a link to the story on a Swedish newspaper. Large version of the picture A playful baby whale near Hermanus, a bit south-east of CapeTown in South Africa. Large version of the picture The boat made it back to land with it's emergency engine. The passengers, Ralph Mothes, 59, and Paloma Werner, 50, were not injured.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Heath Cannon, 43, in Land O'Lakes, Florida Man stole tractor to buy beer LAND O'LAKES, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a man pulled over on a stolen tractor told deputies he took the vehicle to make a beer run. The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Heath Cannon, 43, was pulled over on Wisteria Loop in Land O'Lakes at about 11 p.m. Friday while driving a $15,000 tractor reported stolen from a roadside construction site, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Wednesday. Deputies said Cannon, who has previous convictions for theft, loitering and prowling, smelled strongly of alcohol. "I'm sorry, I drove the tractor to the RaceTrac to buy a beer," a sheriff's office report quotes Cannon as telling deputies. Cannon was arrested in connection with the theft of the tractor and charged with possession of burglary tools. He was taken to the Land O'Lakes jail in lieu of $10,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Charter.net mail problems Dear Webby, Let me first say that I have enjoyed getting your newsletter for the past few years and this old grandma has gotten a lot of laughs and learned many things from you and your great newsletter. I have been trying on my end for the past few weeks to try to solve the issue of not getting your newsletter daily. I have put your newsletter on my white list in Charter, but that didn't work. Tonight I spent over 45 minutes and two Charter "techs", trying to solve the problem. The last one said that it has been solved, so would you please send me one or two more issues and I will watch for them. It is hard to explain to someone when you can barely understand their broken English. At least I could understand the second "tech" better. I hope that the issue has been solved. Thank you for your patience, Carol Dear Carol I added you onto the list again, but I can't guarantee, that the Taliban will allow you to have your subscription for more than a day. The Taliban were just playing stupid and wasting your time, since they were very well aware of the situation. Remember Deeli, who used to write the Kudos column? She screeched a temper tantrum at those two idiots last week. There is NO way they forgot her. A bunch of other subscribers also wrote about yelling at those two idiots. They have been shown No-Sub by lots of people, and have been told numerous times that they have NO legitimate excuse for bouncing your subscription. However, apparently they get paid by the minute, that they can waste people's time, so they play stupid. Since you obviously can not rely on your email at Charter.net, your best bet is to get a gmail address on the side, before they censor your utility bills. I sent Gmail invitations to another 50 Charter.net victims today, after they got bounced off. Just set your Gmail to POP, and process it with whatever email program you use anyway. All email programs allow you to check more than one address simultaneously. That has been standard for twenty years or more. Have FUN! DearWebby
came home from school one day and said, "Mom, the teacher asked me today if I had any brothers or sisters." "And what did she say when you told her you were an only child?" his mom asked. said, "Well, she just let out a deep breath and said, 'Thank goodness'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Extra Paper Petals for Confetti When you're making flowers using paper sculpting or paper quilling and find that you have extra petals, hold onto them and use them as confetti at your next party. They're much easier to sweep up. By Angela L. from Sault Ste Marie, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Young Aaron Finkelstein came home in great excitement, saying, "Father! Father! On returning from school , I ran home behind the bus all the way and saved the fifty-cent bus fare." The father replied by slapping the son on the cheek as he shouted, "Spendthrift! Why didn't you run behind a cab and save $15.00?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
The budding young Yuppette had been dating a successful stockbroker for several months. Just before his birthday she asked her Mother, "Whatever can you give a man who has everything for his birthday?" Her Mother smiled knowingly and replied, "Encouragement dear, encouragement."

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Mail with your address forged as sender address 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, July 21, 2010

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. --- Douglas Adams
Let's start with a Classic: A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types. The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really simple." The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing. The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?" Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I farted when I bent over to feed the cat, and shot the canary."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Lori Turner in Spartanburg, SC Woman Shoved Sandwich In Her Pants Spartanburg deputies handled an unusual complaint on Sunday when McDonald’s employees said a woman caused a commotion after she bought a sandwich and shoved it down her pants saying her order had been shorted. The woman, later identified as Lori Turner, bought two sandwiches and two small coffees, employees said. They said the woman then took one of the sandwiches and put it down the front her jeans, and said that the employees owed her a free one. Lori Turner Employees said when Turner became belligerent, they called 911. The responding deputy said he could hear Turner screaming obscenities at the cashier when he went into the McDonald’s. The deputy asked Turner to step outside, and said he could see a large grease stain on the front of her pants. He said that Turner denied having the sandwich until a female officer arrived to search her. The deputy said at that point, Turner pulled the sandwich out of her pants and put it on the hood of the police car. The deputy said Turner continued to shout profanities and smelled of alcohol. She was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. The McDonald’s refunded Turner’s money and had her put on a trespassing order.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Aletta RE: Mail not from me Dear Webby Previous email NOT from me. Do not open links. I'm sorry. It appears that my account was hacked. Aletta Dear Aletta I doubt anybody got a fake email from you. Most likely you just received spam with your address forged in as the sender. It is quite common for spammers to fake your address into the FROM slot, by putting !--@recipient-- into it, and if you don't have MailWasher, it will look to you, as if you had sent it while you were sleepwalking, or as if your machine had been hacked and used for spamming. All your contacts probably got the same spam with THEIR address forged in as sender. If you are concerned about that, get MailWasher. If not, don't worry about it. With MailWasher it is easy enough to make a filter, that dumps mail like that unseen, right on the server. Because I have used the same, unchanged addresses for so many years, I naturally get a lot of spam. Currently about 12% of it is of that type, but I never see it. I only know because of the pretty pie chart in the MailWasher stats. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Welcome to heaven, here's your harp and your tuning key." "Welcome to hell, here's your harp." --------------------- Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A: Lawnmowers can be tuned.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use White Wine to Clean Red Wine From Clothing About 35 yrs ago when I was in my 20's and going out dancing a lot, I was a red wine drinker. I sometimes ended up spilling more wine than I drank. A friend of mine told me how to get red wine out of my white sweater coat. And it worked! I put the sweater in the sink (with the plug in), and poured some of a gallon of cheap white wine on it. You can see the red wine disappearing instantly. It's like magic! Just keep a jug of that cheap white wine on hand. I still use this method after all these years later. By Candace from Scottsdale, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and stick curlers into it. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel over her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard , her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?" ------------------- If you put "Ms Hortensia Penelope Widdlecrock-McIntire" into the FIRST NAME or NICKNAME slot, when you signed up, then that joke sounds rather silly. If you are ready to update your first or nickname, hit reply and tell me!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She thought the bait was Sushi and ate it all."

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Music on Firefox 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"A man may be a fool and not know it... but not if he is married." --- H.L. Mencken "THE BUDGET SHOULD BE BALANCED, THE TREASURY SHOULD BE REFILLED, PUBLIC DEBT SHOULD BE REDUCED, THE ARROGANCE OF OFFICIALDOM SHOULD BE TEMPERED AND CONTROLLED, AND THE ASSISTANCE TO FOREIGN LANDS SHOULD BE CURTAILED LEST ROME BECOME BANKRUPT. PEOPLE MUST AGAIN LEARN TO WORK, INSTEAD OF LIVING OFF PUBLIC ASSISTANCE.” --- Cicero, 55 BC (before the fall off the Roman Empire)
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' station saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Dmytro Petrychenko, 19, and Taras Sikalchuk, 20, in Waukegan, Illinois Porky Pig attacked at Six Flags GURNEE, Ill. (UPI) -- Police in suburban Chicago say two Six Flags Great America employees visiting the park on their day off allegedly assaulted a worker dressed as Porky Pig. Gurnee police said Dmytro Petrychenko, 19, and Taras Sikalchuk, 20, allegedly hit the 24-year-old woman dressed as the "Looney Tunes" character and quite defenseless in her costume, in the back and front of her head 10 to 15 times after posing for a picture with her, WMAQ-TV, Chicago, reported. Police said both men, who are from Waukegan, were removed from the park and issued battery citations, the Arlington Heights (Ill.) Daily Herald reported. The woman was taken to a first aid station, where she was treated for head and neck pains and released.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon RE: Can FieFox play wav files? Dear Webby Hello Webby......Thanks for the e-mails but now i need help Husband down loaded Mozilla Firefox because you said it was good.Well i cannot get my music to play from Marlene....Mama Rock....Missy Alighthouse. which i have been able to in the pass.We have real player installed....Quick Time Player also.My cd's play just fine just not from the internet. Can and well you help me fix this. Thanks *´¨) ¸.·´¸.·*´¨)¸.·*¨) (¸.·´ (¸.·' ¤ Sharon Dear Sharon FireFox plays wav and any other music files just fine, if the HTML is reasonably OK. However, if the page uses the obsolete "bgsound" command, that went out of fashion in the mid 90's, long before FireFox came out, then you are out of luck. The same goes for Opera and Chrome and most browsers. The "bgsound" command works only in Internet Explorer and has never been accepted by any of the other browsers, because it is way too limited in scope. If a page was written in those early days of the Internet, by somebody who was a fanatic about allowing only IE and no other browser, then you need to use IE, any version of it, to listen to it. You can run IE side by side with any other browser. If the author of those old pages is still alive, you can suggest to her or him to add code like this: <.embed src="123.wav" autostart="false" loop="false"><./embed> (Without the dots after the brackets. Those are just to make the code visible instead of trying to play that music.) Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Oven Rack for Perfect Bread Slices When slicing bread, I open my oven door, pull out the rack and place the unsliced bread on the rack. I put a tea towel on the open door, under the bread, to catch the crumbs that fall through the rack. Then I slice the bread, using the rack as a spacing guide, cutting between each rack slot. Perfect slices every time! Source: Me, who can't cut bread straight! By Catastrofy from Winnipeg, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten her name."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boy friend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is."

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Humor: Adjust page size on wide screen monitor 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, July 19, 2010

"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it." --- Richard Lamm
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets."
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Ridgh Genesis Achille, 19, Alice Springs, Florida Handcuffed man opened car door, escaped ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, Fla. (AP) - Police in central Florida say a man who was handcuffed somehow managed to open a police cruiser's door and escape after complaining he was claustrophobic and couldn't breathe. Altamonte Springs police say the officer had opened the windows slightly for 19-year-old Ridgh Genesis Achille, who had been arrested Friday night on a shoplifting charge. On the way to the jail, the man somehow opened the door from the outside and took off running. The Orlando Sentinel reports that officers, police dogs and even a helicopter were still trying to find Achille on Saturday morning. Instead of probation or a fine, he can now expect serious jail time.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda RE: Can you stretch a short monitor view? Dear Webby I have to fill in data on forms, but only at the top and bottom. With these new wide screen monitors, or "sawed off" screens, as you call them, the company forms don't fit on a page any more. I have to take the hand off the keyboard, and waste time mousing down to the bottom. When I zoom the fonts so that the whole form fits on the screen, the fonts are too small to read. Is there a way to stretch or squish a page to make it as usable as it is on a regular monitor? Thanks Brenda Dear Brenda No, the only way that can be done is by redesigning the form. If your old monitor has not been trashed or sold , you can plug that one in, even to a laptop. For real work the sawed off screens are a nuisance, and it will be years until all the forms have been re-designed to make them shorter. 4:3 ratio LCD screens are becoming more available, especially if you enter through the business entrance. They are still a bit pricey, though. In the meantime, you can skip to the end of the page with CTRL END. Have FUN! DearWebby
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Stickers to Change Greeting Cards You can use any greeting card for any occasion with stickers from the dollar store. For instance, I needed a graduation card this weekend and all I had was a cute doggie "Get Well Soon" card, so I took one of the "You're terrific" stickers and covered the "Get Well Soon" part on the front of the card. On the inside I used butterfly stickers and "Good Job" to cover the writing on the inside. And my granddaughter loved it! By Debseeley from Vero Beach, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Three men at the local Funny-Farm are in the office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three ?" "274," is his reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and asks the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three ?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three ?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. Amazed, the bartender says: "Hey, you can talk!" "Sure-mumble-quack-mumble" says the duck, "Now can I get that mumble-quack-mumble beer mumble- quack-mumble ?" Shaking his head, the barkeep serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area. "I work at the mumble-quack-mumble airport", says the duck. "You should join the circus", says the barkeep. "You could make a mint." "The mumble-quack-mumble circus!" the duck replies. "What the mumble-quack-mumble would the mumble-quack-mumble circus want with an airport flight departure announcer mumble-quack-mumble with a mumble-quack-mumble speech defect?"

» Flukes Up





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Helping Out 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, July 18, 2010

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck. --- Adam Clayton Powell Jr., If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong. --- Mo Udall A mission statement is defined as "a long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly." All good companies have one. --- From The Dilbert Principle
Little Johnny and his family were having Christmas dinner at his Uncle Rodney's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," the boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at OUR house." "That's at OUR house," Johnny explained. "But this is Uncle Rodney's house and HE doesn't have Internet. HIS cooking never burns!"
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey, although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard soldiers . . . What would you do?"
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture from the yard of her borther in Anchorage, Alaska
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Daryl Simon, 38, in Queens, NY He couldn't resist one last scam. A career fraudster was sent to the slammer for nearly 24 years after giving a White Plains federal judge phony photos of himself doing charity work at hospitals and schools in a bumbling bid for leniency. Daryl Simon's bald-faced move included sticking a picture of himself into a shot with a physical-therapy patient, then flipping the image and placing it next to a teen student. "Evidence that his image was inserted and flipped can be seen by examining the single detail on his shirt above his fingers -- that detail appears on the left side of the shirt in the top photograph, and on the right side of the shirt in the bottom photograph," prosecutors wrote. Another particularly heartless snapshot shows the 38-year-old scammer purportedly comforting a sickly patient struggling during a rehabilitation exercise. Simon even had the gall to submit fake letters of support from various charitable organizations and individuals, according to the US Attorney's Office. Judge Stephen Robinson saw through the ruse, blasting Simon Thursday for trying to "commit a fraud on the court." Robinson then slapped him with a 285-month prison term -- 50 months more than the maximum under sentencing guidelines -- for credit-card fraud and bail jumping. His brazen crimes included buying a sports car with a fake cashier's check for $29,500, along with numerous credit-card scams and possession of a stolen Mercedes-Benz. His most recent case stems from a 2006 arrest, in which he and a cohort bought electronic gear at a Target store in West Nyack, using phony credit cards in the name of "D. Simon." He pleaded guilty to credit-card fraud the next year, but jumped bail before sentencing. While he was on the lam, he worked as a magician and went by the name Justin Lusion. Two years ago, he was found in Queens.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn RE: Helping out Webby, thanks for the (large) picture today and thanks also to Lillemor. Do you have a coffee jar etc. for donations. I would like to send $10. I know it isn't much but would get a little something. I do appreciate you very much! Thanks, Webby - I keep voting and hope others are. Carolyn from IN Dear Carolyn Thank you very much! And you are most welcome! If you can help out, I sure would appreciate it! The "coffee jar" funnels straight to the server bills and is in dire straits these days. There is a PayPal Donate button at http://webby.com/humor/thanks.html Thanks! DearWebby
A pastor was giving the children's lesson during a sunday morning service on the Ten Commandments. After explaining the commandment to "honor they father and thy mother," he asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one five-year old boy answered loudly, "Thou shalt not kill!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treasure Your Freedom - Join A Historical Group I quit my job a little over a year and a half ago. Since then I have begun doing things I was unable to do while working. I have joined both the Daughters of the American Revolution and the United Daughters of the Confederacy. There is also an organization called the Daughters of Union Veterans of the Civil War. more by By Southeastgeorgiapeach from Jesup, GA at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where did we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into the job, and slammed the door again. Same results. The door bounced back like it was made of Silly Putty. Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

» Ajanta Cavest





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Hibernate on XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 17, 2010

"When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped." ---Marcel Achard Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking helped. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a dime from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy!"
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "Do you have laryngitis?" the man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Large
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Sherry Jean Fuscaldo, 26, in Walton Beach, Florida Woman flashes breasts, bites herself after DUI arrest FORT WALTON BEACH – A woman kicked a patrol car, flashed her breasts, tried to bite a deputy and bit herself, all while being booked for DUI. Sherry Jean Fuscaldo, 26, of the 900 block of Denton Boulevard, was placed in a patrol car after she was arrested for DUI around 12:30 a.m. July 3 on Lovejoy Road, according to her arrest report. The deputy making the arrest heard several loud noises, which he thought were "military aircraft firing weapons." He then saw Fuscaldo kicking a patrol car window, the report reads. She resisted being put in leg irons, bouncing up and down. A deputy had to pick her up and sit her down on her buttocks. After Fuscaldo was taken to the Shalimar Annex, she undid her bra and pulled down her shirt, exposing her breasts, the report reads. The arresting deputy didn’t see it happen, but the nudity was caught on tape. He took her to the “Intox-room,” where Fuscaldo grabbed her license from the deputy’s desk, according to the report. The deputy tried to take it from her, and she tried to bite him. She kicked another deputy, causing his fingers to bleed. “The defendant also attempted to bite me again but bit herself in the process,” the report reads. Fuscaldo complained of asthma and was taken to Fort Walton Beach Medical Center, where she was released after 30 minutes after workers found no medical problem. The report adds that the woman had “road rash” on her feet, forehead and left shoulder. She was charged with resisting an officer with violence, as well as DUI. She is due in court Aug. 3.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: JoAnn RE: Hibernate on XP Dear Webby: My old computer had the Hibernate option when I clicked start, turn off computer,standby. There it gave me the option to Standby or to hibernate. My new computer with Windows XP pro, SP3. The standby does not give me the hibernate option. Not using it all that often I just am not sure that this option ever was offered at all. Do you know if it just isn't an option at all for me on this system? JoAnn Dear JoAnn You may have to enable Hibernate. If you are using Windows XP Home Edition, or Windows XP Professional with Fast User Switching turned on, the Turn Off Computer menu will present the options to Stand By, Turn Off, or Restart your computer. To put your computer into Hibernate mode, a feature in Windows XP, that is hidden in the "Turn Off" box. To manually place your computer into hibernation (after enabling hibernation on your computer) follow this tip: 1.Click Start, and then click Turn off computer. 2.Press and hold the Shift key. The label under the first button on the left changes from Stand By to Hibernate. 3.Click the Hibernate button. To enable hibernation support on your computer: You must be logged on as an administrator or a member of the Administrators or Power Users group. If your computer is connected to a network, network policy settings may prevent this procedure. 1.Click Start, click Control Panel, click Performance and Maintenance, and then click Power Options. 2.Click the Hibernate tab, and then select the Enable hibernate support check box. If the Hibernate tab is not available, your hardware does not support this feature. 3.Click OK to close the Power Options dialog box. Note: When you put your computer into hibernation, everything in computer memory is saved on your hard disk. When you turn the computer back on, all programs and documents, that were open when you turned the computer off, are restored on the desktop. Once you got Hibernation working the Microsoft way, you can make a shortcut for it and do it your way. Step 1: Right click on the blank space of your computer desktop and select New and then select Shortcut. Step 2: The Create Shortcut wizard window will appear and you will see a text box with the heading on it like Type the location of the item. Now type the following line command in the text box rundll32.exe PowrProf.dll, SetSuspendState And click on Next button. Step 3:You will see Select a Title for the Program. Give it a name like Hibernate Then click on the Finish button. Giving it a cute icons should be no problem for you. One thing to keep in mind is that you can't wake the computer out of hibernation with the mouse or keyboard. No power is wasted on them during hibernation. You have to tap the power button on the computer. If the computer is deep under your desk and the button is tiny and recessed, you may want to epoxy a clear marble or something transparent on it, to make it easier to hit it with your foot, and still see the little light that is fashionable with today's power switches. If you are worried about epoxying the switch permanently OFF, you can easily make a clapper, like they are used for silent alarm kick-switches. Have FUN! DearWebby
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Mesh Vegetable Bags Reuse mesh onion bags as pan scrubbers! Just stuff a few into one bag and then tie a knot at the end of the bag! By Michele G from Buchanan, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Years ago in a small country store I saw an elderly woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it put into an empty pail she was carrying. The son of the owner was minding the store while the father had gone to lunch. He stated "Ma'am, your pail will only hold two pounds." She looked at him as if he were simple minded and said " Where is your daddy? He has managed to put three pounds of lard in this pail for the last five years!!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"

» Recycled Veggies into Famous Art
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Resume Windows as it was before 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 16, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

"A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition." --- William Arthur Ward Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. --- Socratex
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied. "Tell him . . . mother didn't come after all."
A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What took ya so long? You're over two hours late." "Hey! Give me a break," whined the Yuppie. "I have a 27 handicap."
2008 2010 Yes, the CHANGE is visible!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Sara Blasse, 23, in Vineland, NJ Carjacking report was a cover up for car crash during sex Police say a New Jersey woman admits falsely reporting a carjacking to cover up an auto accident that occurred while she was performing a sex act on the driver, The Daily Journal reports. A police report in Vineland, N.J., says Sara Blasse, 23, who broke her arm in the accident, was arrested charged with filing false reports to law enforcement. Police found the car, belonging to Blasse's father, smoldering after crashing into a tree. In the hospital, Blasse told officers a stranger she had asked for directions pulled a gun, threw her out of her car and took off. Pressed over inconsistencies in her story, Blasse, according to police, admitted that she had picked up an unknown man for sex and was performing a sex act on him with the crash occurred. Authorities now say this tale of carjacking and car sex was all a ruse to cover up the theft of a laptop computer from another vehicle. They have not proved sex while driving. All they know for sure is that a stolen laptop was jammed in the crashed vehicle and that they had set the vehicle on fire some time after the crash. The woman and her boyfriend have been charged.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie RE: Resume Windows as it was Dear Webby: While we are at it, I know you have explained before but of course I have forgotten, how to make the computer screen open the same way it was when you shut it down, ie. email full screen, or half, etc. Thanks again for you help Cookie Dear Cookie To do that, tell the computer to Hibernate instead of shutting it down. For Hibernating, it stores everything on the hard drive and you can "wake it up" to continue where you left off. While it is hibernating, it uses only a negligible amount of power and a laptop battery will last weeks. I don't recommend Standby or sleep. In case of a power failure, anything that had not been saved, is lost. On Standby it only saves the desktop to RAM, not to the hard drive. Always use Hibernate instead. Have FUN! DearWebby
Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon." "Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Mesh Vegetable Bags Reuse mesh onion bags as pan scrubbers! Just stuff a few into one bag and then tie a knot at the end of the bag! By Michele G from Buchanan, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Traditional Onion Bag "flowers" or puff balls are also handy for scrubbing dead bugs off windshields and headlights. Some people tie the "flowers" to their car antenna, to make it easier to find the car in a large parking lot. Onion bags are also handy for small garden tools. They let them dry, so that they won't rust, and are very visible. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A robust-looking and very well dressed gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me beat up and thrown into the gutter like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter. "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you for the same chore again."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"

» Egypt, now and then
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Hummingbird for wide screen 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, July 15, 2010

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. --- John Lennon As a retired Theologian with many years experience, I have concluded that most people earnestly desire to serve God -- In an advisory capacity. --- Dr. W.C. Farmer
First Hunter (panting): "I just met a great big bear in the woods!" Second Hunter: "Good! Did you give him both barrels?" First Hunter: "Both barrels? I gave him the whole gun!!"
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats too?" The little girl said, "I don't know..... I haven't learned how to cook those yet."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Large version X-Large version This Jusbertii cactus is a night bloomer, and closes the blossoms within a minute of the sunrise. Dad wanted them back-lit by the sun, so he stood there shivering and waiting for the sunrise. The purple haze is from the sun just rising over the mountain, turning the pale white blossoms into a flash-bright blaze for a moment. Large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to two Valparaiso, Indiana juvenile thieves. So as not to discourage criminal careers and endanger the income of social workers and lawyers, their names have not been released. Boy applies for job, steals from tip jar VALPARAISO, Ind. (AP) - Police said two teens were arrested when one of them stole money from the tip jar of a northwestern Indiana ice cream shop just after they put their names on job applications. A clerk at Pat's Ice Cream Parlor in downtown Valparaiso told police the boys, ages 15 and 16, filled out the applications Friday afternoon. She said she went to file the applications when heard change clattering, then saw one of the boys grab the dollar bills from the tip jar and run out. The employee told police she chased after the boy and he turned over $2. Police reported one of the teens said he didn't steal, but gave the clerk his own money to avoid getting in trouble. Both boys were arrested on preliminary theft charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diana RE: Hummingbird for Wide Screen Dear Webby: Would like to have today's hummingbird picture as wallpaper for my laptop. Is that possible? Screen resolution is 1280X800. As always, your help is very appreciated. Diana Dear Diana I didn't want to stretch the picture and make the bird fat. You probably would not want a picture of you stretched sideways 30%, right ? And I didn't want to saw off the space above and below it, because that is important to show how it is hovering, so I enlarged the canvas on the side and mirrored the flower into the empty space. You get an extra flower, but at least the bird stays in proportion. Large version for 1280x800 wide screen X-Large version for 1920x1200 wide screen Have FUN! DearWebby
A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink. "Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot. The businessman orders a coke. After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!" The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty. Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round. The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman again asks for a coke. After a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy wench! Where is my drink!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper. The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey, wench! Bring me my coke." Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane. At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cookie and Cracker Package Trays Don't throw out the plastic trays from cookie and cracker bags! They work great as holders for beads or paper pieces for your crafts, but you can also use them as mini-green houses and flower pots. By Angela from Sault Ste Marie, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

That falling parrot joke reminds me of this one: ====from Ethel: Dear Webby, want to make a tasty and nutritious meal out of those left-over banana peels? Put them in a coffee can and bury them to a depth of two feet. Leave them there all summer. When you dig them up and open the can, the odor is so bad, that it will actually cause birds to fall from the sky. Cook birds at 400 degrees for half an hour. Sincerely, Ethel.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
DUMBWAITER: Waiter who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has changed 600 diapers to make love again. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained broccoli.

» Crop Culture
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McAfee on disk not up to date 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, July 14, 2010

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. --- Henry J. Tillman Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be enjoying themselves. "Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses." --- Lord Dewar
First Farmer: I used to quit plowing for lunch every day at exactly eleven-thirty. Second Farmer: Did you have a wristwatch or a pocket watch? First Farmer: Neither. The whistle at the sawmill blows every day at noon, and I simply quit a half hour before I heard it.
An Irishman living in England goes for a job on a construction site. The foreman says, "Can you brew tea?" The Irishman says, "Yes,shore kin." "Good. Can you drive a fork lift?" The Irishman looks at him and says, "Why, mon, how big is your teapot?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Warren Carter, 45, from Denver, Colorado After sentencing, man bolts from courthouse A 45-year-old Denver man made a dash for freedom Monday after he was sentenced to three years in prison by a judge in Aspen, Pitkin County authorities said. Warren Carter, 45, was being led out of the courtroom when he bolted from officers and led police in Aspen on a seven-minute chase, the Sheriff's Office said in a statement. After officers chased him on foot, on bicycles and in cruisers, Carter was surrounded near the Aspen post office and talked into giving up by an Aspen police officer, according to the Pitkin County Sheriff's Office. Carter had pleaded guilty to burglary in March in exchange for dropping a number of related charges, including resisting arrest stemming from an October 2008 incident, records show. He has been free on $5,000 bond since his 2008 arrest.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita RE: McAfee on disk not up to date Dear Webby I have McAfee on my comp that has windows 7..I downloaded the antivirus plus 2010…for some reason it is showing me my comp is not protected and at risk..it keep saying that my real time scanning is turned off..I turn it back on and it goes right back off.. I have tried to reinstall the antivirus disk and it won’t let me download from the cd. says I need to download it from the web.. why can’t I install it from the cd I bought a couple months or so ago? don’t know what else to do..any advise you can give will be greatly appreciated.. Thank you, Rita Dear Rita McAfee and all respectable anti-virus packages are always installed and updated over the net. Sometimes they are updated two - three times a day. Virus data, that is on a CD, and possibly many years old, is rather useless. Most likely that CD was just some scam. You HAVE to connect to McAfee online, and get their updates. Once you have been brought up to current, the daily updates are no problem. The McAfee icon in the task bar shows a rotating arrow for a while, then a tiny pop-up tells you, that McAfee has been updated, and disappears after a few seconds without you having to click on it. The same goes for any respectable anti-virus package. Always download them from the company that makes them, never buy them at Flea Markets and yard sales. Have FUN! DearWebby
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Baby Oil on Stainless Steel After cleaning your stainless steel smear on some baby oil with a dry cloth. The stains will be easier to remove in the future. By toybox45 from Renfrew http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in the personnel department, air conditioning is handled by somebody upstairs."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little three-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us bwought up in a good and regwitches home, but, but, but I don' wanna go to a witches home, I wanna stay with YOU and MOM!"

» Rodeo!
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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MediaCom Problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. --- E. F. Schumacher The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --- Walter Bagehot
If you tried to vote Sunday after mid day, or Monday before mid-morning, the reason you could not find Ezinefinder was they were not online. They are not on any of our servers, and there is no way I can alert them, when their server and their email is down. Eventually, though, I managed to contact them on Monday through Cumuli. Not all of the Sunday votes were lost, only about a third of them. The rest has been added to the Monday votes, which missed the first 10 hours of Monday. Not all is lost, and hopefully we can regain the momentum shown on Saturday! Have FUN! DearWebby
A man went on a ski trip in New Zealand, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre- existing condition."
Church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. All the deer are safe."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Bromalid. Large version for your collection
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Cory Dalton, 19, and Lori Lynn Larocque, 38, in Naples, Florida Shoplifter: 'Run, ma, run!' NAPLES, Fla., July 9 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a mother-son shoplifting team was arrested after the mother left her debit card behind at the Kmart they targeted. Collier County sheriff's deputies said Cory Dalton, 19, and Lori Lynn Larocque, 38, were caught shoplifting $71 in merchandise from the Naples Kmart at about 3 p.m. June 24 and while a loss prevention officer was escorting them to an office Dalton shouted, "Run, ma, run," and the pair fled the store, the Naples Daily News reported Friday. Deputies said Larocque and Dalton fled in a Cadillac but left behind Larocque's debit card and $13 worth of items they had legally purchased. Investigators said they located the pair Tuesday at Dalton's home and they were both arrested and charged with petty theft. Dalton also had an arrest warrant for failure to appear in court on a marijuana possession charge, authorities said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diana RE: Incompetence at MediaCom Dear Webby, You can add my ISP (the one and only local cable company for my area) MediaCom, to your list of incompetent ISPs. I have called and argued, pleaded, begged for them to deliver my email - to no avail. It seems each time I call I'm speaking to a different person and all of them must have been working their first day on the job as none can explain why your newsletter gets to me one or two days each week. I mostly have to read it by going to your website - maybe the incompetent ISPs are the reason the vote count is down so many days. Even though I go to your website and read the newsletter and vote, probably a lot of your readers don't do so when they don't receive the newsletter. I'm really perturbed and ticked off about this because your newsletter is my "must read" of each day. You do an excellent job and I very much appreciate all the work and time you put into it. Diana Albany, GA Dear Diana You don't have the choice to switch to Fiber, like the people in developed countries, where the national average household connection speed is 20Mbps or better. In your area, 4 Mbps cable is "good enough fer them hillbillies". Writing to the newspapers might get you cut off from even that, so I would not recommend that. About all you can do is get a gmail address, and set your Thunderbird to check it too. Then you can gradually tell all your contacts to use the gmail address. To Thunderbird it is just another address. With Gmail you can make filters, that are rock solid. You will never again lose a subscription or a utility bill or any other important email. Have FUN! DearWebby ====================== Dear Webby Is there a problem between Webby and Comcast? We did not get Humor for Monday. First time we have not received it. My Mailwasher had a note from Webby saying something about a Comcast problem. Guinn Dear Guinn There IS a problem at Comcast. The technical term for their problem is "Intermittent Incompetence". Just like other Comcast victims, you have to get into the habit of yelling at them now and then. You can go to http://webby.com/humor/no-sub.html, and have the list of all we do, ready in front of you, when you screech a temper tantrum at them. That list shows you, that they have absolutely NO excuse for stealing your subscription. From what I hear, after you yell at them, they stay away from your mail like a singed cat, and don't mess with it for months at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby
A freshman walked into the campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This is the book you want for that class. It will do half the work for you!" "Great," the young man replied, "I'll take two."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Sun Tea for Summer Events When helping out at a summer event, I didn't brew hot tea for the iced tea - but just made "sun tea" by soaking the teabags in the urns we had and putting them in the sun. It made tea concentrate, and didn't have to be cooled down very much to drink. It just needed a bit of ice! By pamphyila from CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Right outside her front door, Joe's mother-in-law had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees. "Mom," Joe's wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver, and asked the man in the coinvertible, if he knew why he was pulled over. "No," the man replied. "You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained. "But I did slow down!" the driver argued. The cop pulled out his riot stick and his big flashlight and began a spirited drum solo on the driver's head. "Tell me if you want me to stop or just slow down a bit."

» Rainbows
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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More Comcast problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, July 12, 2010

Due to the spy exchange the Russians are calling Obamanov now "Obmenov". "obmen" (rus) == exchange. Barak is Russian for "prisoner- or cow-shack", or "from shack" --- Victor Gabar
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he brag to?"
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "Yes, Ma'am, I'll tell him."
Thanks to JoAnn for this picture: So much rain this year but at last a lily or two to bring a smile. We need to look quick as the weather people say that clouds and drizzles are soon to return. JoAnn
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Jeanne Mundango Manunga, 25, Santa Ana, California Woman jailed for making threats ... to herself SANTA ANA – A 25-year-old Santa Ana woman was sentenced to a year in jail Friday for sending hundreds of threatening text messages – to herself. Jeanne Mundango Manunga's criminal problem was that she blamed the harassing text messages on an ex-boyfriend and his sister-in-law, and reported them to the police. They were arrested on false charges of making criminal threats and required to post thousands of dollars in bail. The sister-in-law was arrested three times, and spent some time in custody before she could gather enough funds to pay the bail on her third arrest. A jury convicted Manunga of three felony counts of false imprisonment by fraud or deceit and two misdemeanor counts of making a false police report in May. On Friday, Superior Court Judge Patrick H. Donahue sentenced Manunga to a year in jail, placed her on three years probation, told her to stay away from her ex-boyfriend and his sister-in-law, and ordered her to repay the victims about $50,000 in restitution. Deputy District Attorney Mena Guirguis said that after Manunga and her former boyfriend stopped dating in 2008, she took out a pre-paid cell phone in his sister-in-law's name, and started sending the threatening text messages to her regular cell phone. Manunga then went to three different police departments on at least 19 occasions and claimed that the ex-boyfriend and the sister-in-law were behind the threats. Her scheme was uncovered when the victims went to the phone store, talked with the salesman and learned that Manunga had bought the pre-paid phone under the sister-in-law's name, Guirguis said. They reported that information to a Costa Mesa police detective, but by then a third arrest warrant had been issued for the sister-in-law. During a follow-up investigation, the detective discovered that most of the threatening text messages were sent when the pre-paid cell phone was in close proximity to Manjunga's home or work, Guirguis said. At the sentencing hearing Friday, the two victims said they were devastated about being arrested on false charges, and worried about clearing their names.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joy RE: More Comcast censorship or incompetence? Dear Webby, I wanted to share that I have comcast mail and you are right. They censored my insurance mail and I never got it, and it didn't bounce back to the insurance office either! So I switched email for the insurance office to use to reach me and have everything sent to my outlook. I got their email message within one minute using Yahoo mail! I learned this lesson about two weeks ago! The insurance office was aware of problems with comcast email. I did recieve a few pieces of mail from them before I switched, but who knows how many I didn't get! Thank you for all the important things you pass along to all of us! Have a great day! Joy Dear Joy Your letter was the first of many similar ones. It looks like all the big ISPs, Verizon, Comcast, Charter, Telus, etc. can not be relied upon to deliver important mail. They are not as bad as Hotmail and MSN, but even just one missed important email can have devastating effects. Have FUN! DearWebby
A party-goer decided it would be best to walk home. He found a shortcut through a poorly lit cemetery and, in the darkness, stumbled into an open grave. He tried to climb out but the walls were too slippery. Again and again he fell back into the grave. Finally, in exhaustion, he settled in a corner to wait for sunlight. A few minutes later another man cutting through the cemetery fell into the same grave. He, too, tried desperately to climb and claw his way out, and he was equally unsuccessful. As he was about to give up in hopeless resignation, he heard a voice from the darkness of his pit: "You'll never get out of here." - He did!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Advantage of Free Performances We get schedules of student performances at our local colleges and attend the free ones. By Ruth from New York http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day, while giving with my neighbor and her 5 year old daughter a ride to some event downtown, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I told her, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't say '@#$%&!' after beeping, like mom does when she beeps!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."

» Shipwrecks of Truk
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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